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lonestarpost · 3 years

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April 26, 2021~ Masterlist ~ Issue 12

Episode Review

by @lonestarbabe

9-1-1: Lone Star’s ninth episode of season two breaks the hiatus with one of the season’s strongest episodes; in this episode, the showrunners prioritize quality storytelling (many thanks to writer Tonya Kong), and while the episode focuses heavily on past events, it creates an atmosphere that allows extensive character development moving forward. The episode shows viewers Grace and Judd’s story, and it does so in a way that highlights their bright future and how they have built a healthy, happy future together by first creating a solid foundation for themselves. “Saving Grace” stands out because of its attention to detail and the complex dynamics it beautifully fleshes out. The episode is rooted in humanity; the characters are not perfect, but through those flaws, viewers see the power of interpersonal relationships and the ability of people to save one another in a myriad of ways.

Throughout the episode, Judd is lost, but one grounding force saves him from his demons: his wife, Grace Ryder. As the episode kicks off, Judd is a young kid joyriding with his friend. As Judd sits behind the wheel, a tragic accident causes his friend to die, and Judd is left with a wealth of guilt and self-doubt. Despite Grace being in grave danger after the accident, during the entirety of the episode, it is Judd who needs saving from the complex emotions that haunt him. When Judd is in danger, Grace is there for him, even when she is a hospital bed. Judd wants to take revenge on the drunk driver who drove him and Grace off the road, but then, Grace wakes up, and Judd comments that Grace has saved the drunk driver. Before that, before Grace and Judd have met face to face, they begin correspondence when Judd calls a Christian crisis hotline that Grace works at as she finishes school. Seeing their relationship develop over the phone shows the deep connection that the couple has, and in Judd’s darkest moments, Grace was there for him, and her voice saved him from his own self-destruction.

After reciting Psalm 31, which Judd has tattooed on his hand, Grace says, “None of us are perfect. It’s by Grace that we’re saved,” and this line expertly reinforces the themes of the episode. Just before he nearly beats the drunk driver who ran him and Grace off the road, we see Judd getting the tattoo, which shows Judd’s mindset. He is thinking about Grace and how she has saved him. Judd himself was responsible, at least in part, for somebody’s death; that guilt has made it hard for him to recover mentally, but grace has gotten him through. Even so, he struggles to extend forgiveness to the man who has hurt Grace. The reminder of his own trauma is fresh, but Judd is still a flawed, emotional person who needs tempering, and with Grace unconscious, he feels untethered. He’s back to being an angry person, who still blames himself for the death of his friend.

Judd once fought to make amends with Leigh-Ann, the mother of the kid who died in the car, and these parallels show how hard it is to forgive. But the forgiveness ultimately isn’t about giving a gift to someone who has done wrong; in this story, it is shown as a way of saving yourself. Instead of getting trapped in the bitterness, forgiveness allows the characters to heal themselves. Early in the episode, Leigh-Ann is hurt on the floor of her home; this portrayal represents how her son’s death debilitated her. She holds unto her anger, but as Judd makes amends by fixing Leigh-Ann’s fence (a white picket fence that represents the ideal American home, which has become dirty and has fallen apart since Cal’s death), and he takes a devastated property and makes it a home. After watching Judd work for a while as she recovers, Leigh-Ann finally gives Judd water, and not only does Judd make amends, but Leigh-Anne has physically recovered since we last saw her. She still has a sling on her arm, but she’s on the way to healing. Likewise, when Judd goes to see the man who nearly killed Grace, he is in the process of healing himself. He’s just gotten out of bed from his own injuries. His body is still battered, but as he backs away from the man because of Grace waking up, it marks that Judd is healing too, not just physically but he’s also learning to focus on what matters rather than the anger he feels. In the end, it is love and care that brings the character happiness, and it makes them happier to focus on the things that save them rather than what hurts them. Love, from the 126 and from Grace, keep Judd from self-destructing from his guilt and rage.

The title works on a number of levels. While it seems at first glance that the episode is about “Saving Grace” from the accident that has nearly killed her, the essence of the episode is that Grace is Judd’s “Saving Grace.” Not only that, but she is thousands of people’s “Saving Grace.” In her career, she has been a voice of reason and hope. Even when she can’t save a life, as with the astronaut in the season one finale, her voice still provides comfort and a sense of salvation to people who are hurting. It’s not just Grace that saves Judd. In many ways, Judd also sparks Grace’s own decisions. As Grace falls in love with Judd, she realizes that going to graduate school far away isn’t her calling. She doesn’t stay because of Judd, but there’s no doubt that her connection with Judd helped Grace realize that saving people was her calling. She decides to become a 9-1-1 operator, and for thousands of people, she becomes a “Saving Grace” on the other end of the line.

“Saving Grace,” is one of the best episodes of the series, and arguably, it is the most artfully written. It stands out because the details add up in a way that drives the plot and character development. It excels at showing rather than just telling the viewers the vital details of the story. Grace is an angel, and one of her greatest strengths is bringing people together and comforting them in their times of need. When she saves people, she then allows them to save countless others. Through Grace, Judd is a hero in his own right, but he is the kind that gets glory, while Grace’s role is more understated but just as important. The episode mostly focuses on Judd’s history, but when you look at it closely, the role of Grace, understated but poignant, is what stands out the most.

The Edits Edit

Some of the best edits this week that deserve all the love.

Carlos Reyes, 911 Lone Star 1.01 by @reyeslonestar is an amazing piece of fan art, and as usual, Alice is an amazing talent that we should all appreciate.

This Grace and Judd gifset by @ronenrubinstein is just WOW. I love looking at it and cannot stop!

Marjan Marwani by @alwaysablossom is soooooo pretty. I love the colors and all the details more than I can say!

SIERRA MCCLAIN as GRACE RYDER by @bucktks is an amazing edit that highlights Grace. You should also check out this one, which is equally good! Finally, take a look at this Tarlos set! (They all are amazing.)

Judd & Owen in 2x09 (Pt2) by @911dawnstar is such a well-done gifset, and I love seeing Judd and Owen being a wonderful duo. Also look at Part 1!

“We’re gonna have a new little Texan running around!” by @shoenaerts makes me swoon, and my heart can barely handle it because Grace and Judd are the definition of LOVE. This one is also beautiful.

the ryders + howdy. by @laurenkmyers makes my heart beat faster... I love it so much.

This Grace and Judd moment by @chrissiewatts makes me cry every time I see it AHHH.

These gifs by @strandtk is so amazing. I am in love with this edit! This one too!

This gif by @jessie-meili showcases Grace in the perfect way!

Group Hugs by @rafasilvas is one of my fave gifsets ever and highlights wonderful parallels of the 126 family. I’m in love.

The truth is, I think I just wanted to hear your voice. by @buckleys-diaz is soooooo dreamy and beautiful.

Fic Recs

remind us where we've been by @morganaspendragonss (hollyhobbit101)

Word Count: 564

Chapters: 1/1

“This is something, ain’t it?” Judd says, nudging Owen gently. Owen looks around Judd's backyard, taking it all in - TK and Carlos with their two kids, Judd's three milling around, their whole family gathered together in a future Owen's not sure he ever imagined even in his wildest dreams. "It's something," he agrees.

Home is wherever you are by @sixringss (buckscasey)

Word Count: 1651

Chapters: 1/1

A week after the fire, Carlos goes back to his home.Speculation for 2x12/13

Get Me off the Boat, I'm Ready to be on Land by @silvarafael (tiniestmite)

Word Count: 3966

Chapters: 1/1

Five times TK’s sobriety is tested after he arrives in Austin but he keeps it to himself, and the one time it gets so bad that he tells someone.

The Way Our Horizons Meet (chapter 1) by @chicgeekgirl89 (Writeallnight)

Word Count: 1500

Chapters: 1/3 (WIP)

Carlos' perspective through the aftermath of T.K.'s shooting. Follows the events of episodes 1x08-1x10.

You Found Me (Did You Ever Doubt I Would?) (Chapter 10) by @doctornineandthreequarters (doctornineandthreequarters)

Word Count: 2736

Chapters: 10/? (standalone works)

Tarlos college au

#masterlist #911 lone star #lone star post #issue 12

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taiblogcomics · 4 years

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Absolutely Thera-Pissed

Hey there, visas and green cards. It's our ninth blogaversary! Wow, we've been going for quite a long time. Long enough to completely change platforms at least once. Considering we just finished our whole backlog, I think we should try something new in honour of the amazing coincidence of these two events synching up. Before we start on another backlog of terrible comics (trust me, I have something in mind), let's do something we've never done before on this blog. We've only ever really covered comics issue by issue. How would you feel, dear readers, if we instead did an entire storyline all at once?

And oh boy, do I have just the storyline in mind. Here's the cover:

Oh yeah. We're doing this. This story has kind of hung over this blog, mostly due to its connections to Red Hood and the Outlaws. It also prominitely features Harley Quinn, who also appeared in Suicide Squad (which ended before this story took place). And personally, I am a fan of Harley, Booster, and the Titans. And oh boy, does this comic shit all over them, in some of the most truly appalling ways possible. This is Heroes in Crisis. All nine issues. Let's jump right in~

I won’t be going over the covers of the individual issues, or even this one so much, but I do like that quote at the top. It is actually some good superhero artwork! It is an extremely awful story, but the artwork is fine~

So the first issue starts like this: Booster Gold's in one of those tiny middle-American diners. The host's loving it, since she says superheroes never show up and eat here. And oh look, here comes another one! Booster replies that that's no hero, as Harley Quinn walks in. Clearly he hasn't been reading her solo series. Harley orders some pie, and she and Booster eat in terse silence. Until suddenly Harley grabs a knife, and the two begin a real knock-down, drag-out fight. And lemme tell ya something, Harley keeps up with a guy who can fly and project forcefields pretty well. Eventually the pair are exhausted, and Booster says he's gotta bring Harley in, after what he saw her do. Harley protests, because she didn't kill all those people. She saw Booster do it.

All this is intercut with two different scenes. One is sort of a confession-cam style thing, a bunch of heroes (including Harley, Blue Jay, Booster, and Hotspot) all admitting they're here for therapy. And the second is Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman talking with each other as they land in a particular site. This place is called Sanctuary. It is currently full of dead heroes. Among the deceased here are Hotspot, Lagoon Boy, Wally West, and Roy Harper. And this is my first major complaint. Do you know what all these characters have in common? Hey, DC: Stop using the Titans as your cannon fodder. Stop treating them as a joke. Every iteration of the team deserves more respect than this.

So Harley and Booster are going to be our POV characters for this story. I like both of these characters a lot, so this is probably going to be pretty painful seeing them written horribly. Harley goes off to the Penguin for protection, and we actually get to see her in her old costume. It is a breath of fresh air, honestly. Booster, meanwhile, mostly just tries to rationalise his actions with Skeets, his robot buddy. Booster suffered kind of a psychotic break back in the Batman storyline "The Gift", which is why he was in Sanctuary to begin with. This story is basically a follow-up to that one, and has the same sort of tone.

Harley confronts the trinity in Gotham, revealing she set the whole thing up with Penguin just so she could get close to them on her terms. She uses the Lasso of Truth to confess she saw Booster Gold do it, then uses the Kryptonite in Batman's belt to skip town. The next time we see her, she's at the docks, giving a eulogy to Poison Ivy, another victim of Sanctuary. Booster Gold, meanwhile, has rationalised that Batman would solve the crime himself rather than turn himself in, and goes to Barry Allen to check in. Of course, the trinity are the only ones who know about the accident yet, so when Booster tells Barry that Wally's dead, he gets super pissed. Just like the readers are!

Issue 3 is a flashback issue, showing Booster's first day at Sanctuary. Sanctuary works like this: everyone gets their own private quarters, and if they want to visit the common areas, they wear a mask and cloak to preserve anonymity. Here's the first really big problem with Sanctuary: while therapy for superheroes is a good (possibly necessary) concept, Sanctuary is only one kind of therapy. It essentially assumes everyone responds the same to the same sort of therapy. The kind here is that Sanctuary gives you a private room that simulates your traumas (with a holodeck) and has you physically confront them. Lagoon Boy, for example, is shown to be facing the laser that killed him over and over again. Wally sets up superhero battles that still have his kids with him. And while this sort of therapy might help some people, it's definitely not universal.

Booster starts his first session, which ends up just being a hologram of himself, talking to him. Before he can get much further, though, alarms go off and everyone is urged to emergency evacuate. Lagoon Boy is killed--in a deliberate callback to his previous death, no less--and we see a few other victims, including Red Devil, Commander Steel, and Gunfire. Wally clutches Roy's body as he dies in his arms, and Harley smacks Wally in the face with her hammer. She greets Booster cheerfully, and he admits he's having a hell of a first day.

After a brief scene of Aqualad (Garth, in this case) drinking in a bar--and who can blame him for wanting to drink after experiencing this story?--Batman and Barry meet, thus showing they're still unsure who did it. Booster is being interrogated under the Lasso of Truth, and he relays the previous issue to us. In his mind, Harley did it. Harley, meanwhile, has tracked down Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) and surprisingly... they hug. Babs promises to help stick by Harley and prove her innocence. After all, Babs has been through trauma, too. The comic reminds us of this with another confession-cam video, showing Babs display the scars she received from “The Killing Joke".

So, about these confession cams... They've been interspersed between scenes, showing everyone from Batman down to guys like Gunfire or the Protector relaying their problems by confession. Again, this sort of therapy isn't for everyone, but it's the only one Sanctuary's got. Superman tells Batman that Lois has been receiving these videos anonymously. Batman responds that there are no videos. Sanctuary does not keep records, to preserve patient confidentiality. Supes replies that there are videos, he's seen them, and now the media has them. The issue ends with a breaking story about "What is the secret superhero Sanctuary?" exposé airing on television...

Speaking of breaking, Blue Beetle (Ted Kord, who I'm as surprised as anybody to find out is alive again post-Rebirth) breaks Booster out of the Hall of Justice where he's being held. The pair watch the breaking news report on television while they try to come up with a plan. Booster's idea is to confess to Barry again, figuring they won't expect the stupidest possible move, making it actually the smartest possible move. Booster has not really recovered from his insanity, I see. He and Beetle do exactly that, surprising Barry at work, which is apparently all the advantage they need. This is because Barry, as a forensic scientist, has access to the data on the autopsies.

While Superman makes a public statement to the press regarding Sanctuary, Batman passes Skeets into Batgirl's care, and she immediately violates that trust by in turn passing Skeets to Harley. It's implied Harley tortures the information regarding Booster's whereabouts out of Skeets, but it's okay because he's just a robot. Babs and Harley turn up at Booster's place as he's analysing the data he obtained from Barry. Here's where it all starts to fall into place: the data on Wally West says his body is five days older than the rest of them.

Issue 6 is kind of a triple piece, but one that can be summed up fairly quickly. It focuses on three specific characters who were all at Sanctuary. The parts regarding Gnaark the caveman (another Titans alumnus) are ultimately pointless, since the issue ends with his death. The parts with Harley focus on Joker's abuse of her and Posion Ivy's care towards her. This also ends badly. Wally's parts focus on the DC Rebirth story where he essentially willed himself back into the universe. And while that story is really good and it was a joy to see Wally again, it ultimately ended with the knowledge that Wally's family did not reappear with him. His kids are gone, his wife is with someone else and does not remember him, and until he forced his way back into everyone's memories, no one else recalled him either. This would traumatise anybody. But it may have really traumatised Wally.

The next issue starts really well, honestly. Booster and Harley are fighting it out--again--while Babs and Beetle just watch. Like, they aren't even stressed, they're both familiar with their respective charges, and this is really no surprise. In any other comic, this would be a great scene. Shame that it's in this one, and it's not nearly enough to save even a lick of it. Eventually Babs works out that Booster's forcefields are only currently working because of some jury-rigged tech that's powered by Blue Beetle's consciousness. So she knocks him out with one hit. Harley prepares a killing blow, but ultimately cannot go through with it, proving she's a good person. She and Booster just collapse on the floor, and bond over the fact that they both kind of suck as superheroes (from their own perspectives, at least).

With Booster, Beetle, Babs, and Harley (Barley?) all on the same side now, the group decide to get to the bottom of everything together. Meanwhile, the rose Harley dropped off the docks is picked up by Wally. See, while the body they found of Wally is five days older than the rest, this means he time-traveled and is still at present alive. Wally channels his Speed Force into the rose, causing it to grow rapidly--and Poison Ivy blooms from it, restored to life. I don't get it either, but if it means Ivy didn't die in this stupid story, I'll take it. Wally then apologises, since Ivy just returned to life and now she has to see death so soon. Those five days are up, and a second Wally appears, ready to literally kill himself.

So here's what really fucking happened.

Wally had been at Sanctuary three weeks already. He's frustrated because the therapy's not helping as fast as he thought it would. He does a jump into the Speed Force and basically exists everywhere at once. Spread across the time stream, he witnesses everybody's confession cams all at once. He sees "the trauma of a thousand heroes in crisis" (hey, we have a title, ladies and gentlemen). And... it's too much. Realising everybody's personal pain breaks him. He unleashes the burst of pent-up energy he'd stored to do the time jaunt thing and kills everyone at Sanctuary.

Lagoon Boy. Protector. Hotspot. Red Devil. Arsenal. Gnaark. Solstice. Tattooed Man. Gunfire. Blue Jay. Commander Steel. Nemesis. I want you to remember these names. These were all pre-existing characters. Half of them were members of the Titans at one point or another. Wally West, the Flash, killed them in a stupid, stupid storyline that not only assassinates his character, but also literally assassinates all these other characters.

Wally uses his super speed to set up the bodies, rig the crime scenes so it looks like Harley or Booster could be responsible for their deaths. He then travels forward in time to the present moment, where he has just confessed all this to Poison Ivy. He kills that version of himself and travels back in time with it to fake his own death. He then uses the VR tech of Sanctuary to trick Booster and Harley into believing they saw the other commit the deeds. Neither of them even knew they'd never left their respective therapy simulations. This leaves Wally with a five day window to figure out something good he can do to make up for killing everyone.

So the final issue wraps it up like this: Booster time-travels the group back to where Barry is about to kill his own paradox clone. Harley and Ivy reunite, which is nice. So here's the plan: this doesn't have to end with any more death. In the end, what Barry did was all an accident. So Booster travels into the future to make a clone of the paradox-Wally. This gives them a five-day-old body they can leave at the massacre, in order to close the timeloop. The present Wally turns himself in and is arrested, while the five-days-ago paradox Wally merges back into the Speed Force, still running to try and find his family.

And the "good" thing Wally did to make up for killing everyone? He was the one that leaked Sanctuary's existence to the media. In his mind, the idea that heroes are seen as constant paragons was too much pressure. By letting the public know that even superheroes need therapy, even superheroes suffer trauma just like everyone else, he he could let people know that heroes are just that: people. People like everyone else. And that it is okay for anyone to seek help if you need it. This seems like a nice sentiment, until you remember the reason Wally killed everyone is because he was impatient about how his therapy was going. What an awful story.

-----

Like, legitimately, this story is just awful. The basic premise--that heroes could probably do with therapy--is not a bad one. The execution is just really completely mismanaged, though. Start with the beginning. Why are Harley Quinn and Booster Gold chosen as the focus characters? Because they're the ones you could believe would orchestrate a mass murder, right? Except no. You would never believe that. Booster is not that much of a screw-up, and Harley is not that much of a villain. Neither of them have been those things for many years. The readers know that, but it feels like the writer didn't.

And that's the worst part of it all. The superficiality of the story. In the end, why was this story written? To explore the concept of therapy for superheroes? Well, then, it went about it in the worst way possible. Not everyone experiences trauma in the same way. And therefore, not everyone responds to therapy in the same way. The way therapy is depicted in this story is just wrong. Frankly, Sanctuary looks like one of the worst places to get treatment, right alongside Arkham Asylum. Do you think anybody's really going to take away from this story "It's okay to talk about your traumas if you need to"? In or out of universe?

I didn't really talk about the confession cams, but they seemed highly unnecessary. They were always the same, a 3x3 of panels featuring a superhero talking about their traumas. Most of them didn't factor into the story, and at most they felt like a common scene transition. They tried to give them some weight by revealing that the contents of all these possibly got leaked? But then they just kinda dropped that subplot. Which was really kind of serious, because the traumas range from the Protector (a character created for drug PSAs) confessing that he has done drugs to Superman talking about the burden of keeping his identity secret. How much of these did the public actually get? And if it was none, what was even the point of it being a subplot~? Like, leak that Sanctuary existed, sure, but why did Lois Lane get sent all the videos that shouldn't have existed~?

What this story has done to Wally is awful. They have completely tarnished this likeable, amazing hero by having him kill twelve people (thirteen, if you include Poison Ivy), several of them colleagues and friends. All because he's trying to fake his way through therapy when it isn't helping him as fast as he wants. Know what would have been a good story? How about he learns to cope with his trauma? How about he actually gets his family back? It's unrealistic as hell, but it's a fictional story. It's escapism. It's okay to have a happy ending. I ''want'' my stories to end in happy endings, because it's so hard to get them in real life. I want something better than this.

DC Rebirth was a breath of fresh air. Wally's return to the DC universe felt like the clouds were lifitng. The stories following Rebirth felt like a return to form after the darkening of the New 52. It felt like the stories were getting good again, like the comics were getting fun and hopeful again. It couldn't last, though, could it? This story is only three years after the Rebirth initiative. Three years? That's all the hope we get in the universe? I sincerely hope this story ends up an abberation, and not a return to form of the darker, more dour universe we put up with in the New 52. Especially given current events, you can understand why a brighter, optimistic fictional world is appealing. I sincerely hope that when comics resume publication after the pandemic, a more positive outlook continues, and stories like this are left in the garbage where they belong.

This book is fucking awful, and I am done with it. Next week, we'll start reviewing an all-new series for the Taiblog. Let's just say I'm not done ranting about injustices against the Teen Titans~

#comics #reviews #Heroes in Crisis #Taiblog

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diamo-chan · 4 years

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A bit of lore and backstory

(snippet of the ninth chapter of my unfinished unpublished fanfic in the classical trope of “let me put as much info as possible compressed into a tiny dialogue”)

not beta-read/ written on a tired mind/ english is not my native language/ my list of excuses goes on and on...

Word count: 1.7k

It was at times like these when Pheebe noticed that she was way too emotional to do her job the way it should be done. Binding her hair back into a loose ponytail she threw an exhausted glare at the blonde aristocrat who barely lifted his eyes from the book he was currently reading. A if they did not just have a war council, as if death itself was not waiting just around the gates.

“Vlad this is serious. If we want to survive this we have to work together, we have to talk like normal people.”

He turned the page, uninterested. ‘What the fuck was so important, he had to read it now?!’

“I will survive this, I’ve been through worse. And you are just food to us. A blood bag to satisfy Ivan’s needs. Why should I treat you, like you are anything special?”

Pheebe wanted to scream and flee the room. Hadn’t Vladimir disagreed to listen to her plan, they would already be all on their way to a safe place. But no, instead he was clinging to this mansion. They had more important things to take care of. And for once, she knew that Beliath would agree.

This is not about me. It is about Mary. About Ethan. Both are on the edge of death and you talk about waiting and planning”

He turns another page. But she saw the hand that held the book upright tighten against the Bordeaux hardcover. He took a deep breath to maintain his poise, before speaking with the certainty of a head of house, no room for discussion: “Ethan will manage, and if your friend doesn’t make it we can still share her blood, drain her before the battle. But we will not run into a confrontation unprepared!”

The last drop broke the barrel. How dares he even suggest using Mary in such a gruesome way? How dares he put organization above life. And at once, the words poured out before she could stop them. “I cannot understand how you can live with yourself, let alone how other people can live with you. You only care about yourself, don’t you? You don’t give a damn about the suffering of others”.

A reaction. He looked up. There was shock in his eyes, as well as a tiny warning of the storm that was rioting in his thoughts. Through tiny slits and gritted teeth he growled at her.

“You have no idea what it’s like to be immortal. Have you ever watched everyone you care about die, with nothing that you could do to stop it? You know nothing of pain and suffering!” His voice became louder and louder until, at the end, he was screaming in rage, at such a volume that Pheebe was sure, even Ivan in his room two floors above them, could hear every single word. She did not fear his anger, and he was powerless to lift his hand against her. At last, she got what she wanted and he was no longer as emotional as a stone. But he would not guilt trip her with a sad back-story or the typical “I-am-a-poor-misunderstood-immortal”-farce. Eyes hard, she brought her face closer to the blond man’s, who backed away in irritation.

“Do you know what it feels like to drive a knife through the heart of the person you love?”

At first he was taken aback by the question. Then a condescending smirk appeared on his face “Oh, yes, go on. Tell me the story of the vampire that fell in love with a hunter and gets staked down in return.”

Patience! She told herself. Think of him as a child that questions the whole world. “He was sick. Do you know what bloodlust does to a vampire?” His discomfort became more and more apparent. His eyes danced over her face on the search for some kind of weakness. She felt the threatening waves that he tried to sent off, but once again she thanked Miss Ginaldi’s team for her training. Not many Vampires have encountered bloodlust and survived it. None of the ones that Pheebe had known, at least. ”Incurable, it turns him into a feral beast, with no recognition of anything but blood.”

“How do you know that it was bloodlust? Maybe He attacked you because he just found out what you are and-“

“Because I was there when he caught it. I was there when he fought it.”, every word was pressed out with anger and frustration about Vlad’s stubbornness. About his way of denying anything he didn’t want to see or hear. “He always hoped that maybe it would go away. And he trusted me to step in if it didn’t. Because he knew who I was from the very beginning, or rather, who I was supposed to be.”

“That’s what vampires get for trusting a hunter.” Voice cold, face empty.

His expression remained calm and neutral, there was not one muscle that gave a sign of consideration, no empathy left for her words and it made her fume. Pheebe had tears brimming on her lashes, so short of falling to his ignorance. But her anger was without cause. Vlad could not have known, there was nothing he knew about her but her name and the fact, that she did not like him.

“I wasn’t a hunter back then. I was just…” she searched for a suitable word, an attempt to justify the unjustifiable, “an employee who wanted to help maintain peace.” But then her emotions dropped as pictures flashed in her memory, vivid as if she was at that place once again. Laughs, smiles, congratulations. Hands ruffling through her hair and telling her that it was time she grew up to the expectations. So much positivity over a lost life. “You cannot imagine how proud my family was when they found us, when they saw what I have done. I don’t even know why I had that dagger with me in the first place. I swore to never touch these damned murder instruments!”

They were both breathing hard with keeping this discussion on a verbal level. The need to shake the pale boy was stagnant in Pheebes chest. Meanwhile Vlad has stood up to put his book back into the shelf, as it was apparent he would not be reading in peace with the hysterical girl in the library. Eyeing her from bottom to top his voice turned almost soothingly intrigued: “A Vampire willingly associated with someone who was connected to the circle?”

The facepalm was only mental. Of cause Vladimir would not know how the circle worked. For most of the vampire population it would remain a secret for all of their drawn-out lifetime. Meanwhile, for others, well…

“There were many vampires who worked with or for us, some voluntarily, some not.“ To sum up the whole picture Pheebe went for both extremes: “some came to council meetings, others were chained up and starving in the basement… With all those doors that my parents opened for me, to proudly present my new future, with that blood on my hands I could no longer play friends with your kind. I started my training so I can bring hope to those who don’t deem themselves worthy of it. I have saved almost fourty vampires, and it was never necessary to shed even a drop of blood for them to cooperate. Maybe they felt that I was a little like them, damned from the depth of my blood. A curse that already shows on my hands.”

Once it was pronounced the black eyes of the vampire scanned her arms to hind her hands unexpectedly bare. There were soft lines that faded on their way towards her elbow, as if drawn up with coal, fingerpainted with ashes of burned purity and hopes.

“Is that why you wear gloves?”

Pheebe nodded. “They are so I can touch my weapons. The vampire blood in my system keeps rejecting contact with the cursed materials. But it is also what keeps me immune to hypnosis and manipulation.” This was what made this discussion so hard for Vlad. She had seen the way he talked to the humen at Nikita’s party, and felt that he instantly surrounds them with his commanding aura to get his points across more easily. But talking to her was like talking to the other house members. Futile, if she was as closed off to his point of view, as he was to her.

“Where did you get blood from our kind?” There was a little bit of disgust in his expression. But who would blame him, for not finding the aspect of being drained of your life essence, so someone else had it easier, appealing. He had never lived on that side of the food chain after all.

Suddenly she felt like a walking tome of hunter knowledge to Vladimir’s eyes. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, with morbid interest. Just how much was he allowed to know? Or rather how long would he survive to pass that knowledge on?: “It was an integral part of my training to regularly get vampire blood and venom injected, so it does not cause turning if I die in battle or cause hallucinations when I am bitten.”

His eyebrow rose. “The effects of vampire blood in the human system are dangerous. You never know what it might cause”

Something rang in her memory as he said that sentence. She must have heard it somewhere. Or read it in a book. There were not many objectively useful tomes about vampire blood, the only ones are lost, stolen from the hunter association’s library, written during experiments and updated regularly. The last ones who were working on the manuscript were Monsieur and Madame Martine-Blanc, or so it was told.

“You know…There were two hunters who are kind of a legend in the circles, scientist, who were obsessed by the idea that the cure to any disease could lie in the blood of the elder vampires. My instructor, Doctor Ginaldi told me about them. One night they just disappeared, and took half of the inventory with them. After searching for their whereabouts for 3 month, they gave up.” And with a tiny laugh that was only encouraged by the uneasiness on the blond vampire face, she added:” And now, twenty years later, I read their names on a doorbell in the middle of fucking nowhere. Crazy, isn’t it?”

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ruminativerabbi · 4 years

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Purim 2021

There are lots of different ways to “read” the Megillah.

The simplest, I suppose, would be to take it at face value as an historical account of the series of events that led to Purim becoming a universally observed Jewish holiday. Reading it this way would suppose that the personalities mentioned—and not just the major ones but even the minor characters who appear just once or twice in the story—were all real people and that they all played the specific roles the story assigns to them in the drama. This approach founders a bit on the fact that there are no traces of any of them other than King Achashveirosh (assuming he is correctly to be identified with Xerxes I) in any extra-biblical document, including any of the fairly voluminous works that chronicle Persian history during the period the story appears to be set. (For an excellent essay by Mitchell First on the question of whether Achashveirosh can reasonably be identified as Xerxes I, click here.) Still, that’s hardly proof-positive that none of them existed: lots of real people don’t make it into the history books! (But how many queens are in that category? Maybe that’s the more pertinent question to ask!)

Fortunately, there is no lack of alternate approaches.

Focusing on Queen Vashti’s principled refusal to degrade herself in public merely because her husband ordered her to and also on Queen Esther’s willingness to risk her own life for the sake of saving her people, it would be easy to read the Megillah as a feminist story intended to remind its audience that women—for all they are so often overlooked in ancient works of history—could and did play important roles at crucial junctures. But the Megillah could also be read as a work of proto-Zionism, one intended to drive home the point that, even in the very best of times, Jews living outside Israel are subject to the arbitrary anti-Semitism both of petulant foes like Haman and of naïve enablers like King Achashveirosh. And the book could also easily be read as a critique of the whole monarchic system of governance, one in which a drunken dunce like Achashverosh can be manipulated easily by wily advisers like Haman who are pursuing deeply personal agendas.

All of the above would be interesting to explore in more depth, but I would like to use this space this week to write about yet another approach to the Megillah, one inspired partially by last month’s assault on the Capitol and partially by the sense, dramatically heightened by those events, that there are elements out here whom we don’t know and haven’t ever met…but who nonetheless wish us harm.

As all regular reader of Megillat Esther know, the ninth chapter is the big one, the chapter in which all plot lines converge to produce a satisfying dénouement fully worthy of annual celebration. Indeed, it is the only chapter that actually takes place during the month of Adar, the month of Purim. (Almost all the action up to that point—including Haman’s casting of lots, King Achashveirosh’s order that Haman parade Mordecai through the streets to honor him for his good deed, both of the banquets that Esther prepares for Haman and Mordechai, and the fabulous scene in which Haman flings himself as Esther’s feet and knocks her over just as King Achashveirosh comes back into the room, only to end up sentenced to death and finally impaled on the execution post he had had prepared for Mordechai—all of that takes place almost a full year earlier during the previous Pesach. Then came the wrangling over how to stop the pogrom that led to an official edict promulgated on 23 Sivan, exactly two months later, that granted the Jews permission to defend themselves against their enemies.) And now, as chapter nine begins, almost a full year has passed and the big day is finally here.

That ninth chapter is one we all read far too quickly through, and particularly if we want to read it the way I would like to propose today. But let’s start with that edict of 23 Sivan, the one executed in the first places because King Achashveirosh, the supreme ruler of an entire empire, lacked the legal authority to rescind one of his own edicts merely because the original copy was stamped with the mark of his signet ring. The whole idea that an absolute monarch can’t countermand one of his own edicts is idiotic and, indeed, the notion that an edict promulgated in the king’s name and sealed with his seal cannot be withdrawn is not known from any other Persian documents from the era. (It also directly contradicts the passage at the end of chapter one that says that the specific way to make an edict not rescindable is for it formally to be “written up among the laws of the Persians and the Medes.”) So we’re being challenged to read with our eyes wide open. And what the new edict says is, to say the least, startling. First, there is to be defense:

Jewish men in every city of the kingdom are formally granted permission to organize local militias with the express purpose of defending the Jewish population by endeavoring to destroy, exterminate, and annihilate the thugs of every people and ethnicity who were planning such ill for them, their children and their wives, and then by plundering all their foes’ possessions.

And then there is to be offense as well:

Over and above the right to defend themselves, the Jews in every province over which King Achashveirosh rules are also to be permitted, albeit only on one single day, to wit the thirteenth day of the twelfth month called Adar, to advance forcefully against their enemies and to seek revenge for the degree to which these foes had embraced the awful plot hatched against the Jews by wicked Haman.

So that’s pretty clear. And what happens the next spring is precisely what the text says will happen. On the thirteenth of Adar, the day Haman had planned to annihilate the Jews of Persia, the Jews rise up against their enemies. In Shushan alone, five hundred foes are killed. Then, after receiving royal dispensation to keep at it for one extra day, another three hundred are killed. In the rest of the empire, things go just as swimmingly: on the thirteenth day of Adar alone, a full 75,000 are killed, bringing the two-day total to 75,800 dead sonim. We are clearly meant to understand that there are no Jewish losses at all. Nor was this at all unexpected: at the end of the previous chapter, the Megillah notes that there was such anxiety afoot among those who had planned to attack the Jews that some pathetically attempted to disguise themselves as Jews so as not to be subject to their would-be victims’ wrath.

And now we get to the question that will challenge thoughtful readers. The enemy is completely demoralized, the fight clearly completely out of them. They don’t put up any resistance; the major plot detail that the permission granted them to go on the attack and to attempt to annihilate the Jewish population has not been withdrawn seems totally to be forgotten. Like most bullies, I suppose, they fold easily when facing real opposition. And this appears to have been the case despite the fact that the Jews were surely a tiny minority group in an enormous sea of Gentiles. Surely, they could have taken the Jews on even despite the permission granted the latter to fight back…or at least they could have tried. But they seem to have totally forgotten about their might, about the potential in their numbers, and about the full legality of their pending Aktion against the Jewish population. It feels, at least plausibly, that there is no real danger to the Jews of the realm on that fateful day: they go on the offensive and annihilate foes fully cowed into submission by the mere possibility of their would-be victims fighting back. How else could there have been no Jewish casualties at all?

And so we come to pathetic truth behind the narrative. The Jews could have defended themselves anyway. (Why couldn’t they have? Was fighting off your would-be murderer illegal in Old Persia?) The mob of anti-Semites retains its right to go on the offensive. So, really, nothing has changed at all. Except—this is the pathetic part—that a Gentile king (and, at that, a drunken oaf like Achashveirosh) told the Jews they could stand up for themselves. Which they could have anyway…but didn’t. Or wouldn’t have. Until someone formally gave them permission.

We feel safe, we American Jews. We trust the police, have faith in our government, feel secure enough (most of the time) to look past the occasional anti-Semitic remark by a member of Congress. We buy homes with twenty- or thirty-year mortgages because we expect to be living in them decades in the future. And we haven’t fled to Israel for the same reason. I know all the above because I feel that way myself! And then suddenly there are organized anti-Semites marching through the streets of downtown Charlottesville. A comedian we all thought of as super-hip and wholly benign tells an overtly anti-Semitic joke on television and only we seem to notice. The Capitol is overrun by insurrectionists, some of whom are openly displaying anti-Semitic slogans and symbols…and no one seems quite sure what to do about it. Are racist slogans on t-shirts protected by the First Amendment? Suddenly, the answer to that question seems to determine whom you ask for an answer.

The Megillah could not be clearer in its message that it is neither cogent nor effective solely to respond to anti-Semitism by reacting to it ex post facto. The Bible’s solution—that we go on the attack and annihilate our would-be annihilators before they have a chance to do the same to us—is obviously not something any normal citizen, Jewish or not, would countenance. But the lessons the Megillah teaches in this regards remains pertinent and timely. No one needs permission to stand up for his or her rights. The pathetic image of Persian Jewry finding the strength to oppose its own annihilation only when the government formally permits them to do so is meant to be both embarrassing and chastening. Helping bigots to divest themselves of their bigotry before anyone gets hurt is an excellent plan. But the Megillah teaches that that can only be undertaken successfully by people possessed of confidence, self-reliance, and unwavering certainty in their own right to exist and to flourish.

#Purim

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stonefreeak · 7 years

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I LOVE the chancellor Obi-Wan series! I reread it all the time because tortured Obi-Wan is great, but his personal hell of becoming a politician while preventing everything is even better. But that last line, wow. Why do I get the feeling the assassination is going to happen while Skyguy and Snips are away? But would that mean that Obi Wan gets to show off all his amazing jedi moves in front of the Senate? And remind them he's The Negotiator but also a superb fighter???

Anonymous said:Im suddenly thinking of imprompto skydiving when the next assasionation attempt goes off in Bail’s office. Unless it is poision or toxic chemicals.

Anonymous said:So, SC Obi has had two attempts on his life so far? Only two? No others getting caught before they get to Obi? One of Palps assassin plans interrupted by some other opportunist who fails miserably (and then more Palp-is-suffering?) Or frustration on the investegators parts at these unrelated to the first two attempts?

I wouldn’t think that two assassination attempts warrants an “only”, considering what a short time Obi-Wan has been in power. It is, in fact, a huge amount of attempts. After all, a lot of political leaders have gone their entire careers without a single assassination attempt. ;)

So here we are! An update! Finally! Assassination attempt #3!

I’ve had the text finished-ish for some time, but I’ve been editing and editing and editing until I now. Shout-out to my girl @dendral for looking it over so I could stop banging my head against it!

This ficlet ended at a whooping 5.7k, so hopefully it will feel worth the wait.

WARNING: this story contains the aftermath of an explosion, as such there will be some descriptions of injuries caused by it, mentions of death, as well as the contemplation of death and dying.

If there’s anything you think i missed in my warning, I’m sorry, just let me know and I’ll fix it.

Here we go!

Obi-Wan thinks back to the previous night. He slept well, knowing that Master Yoda was watching over him, though he cannot help the feeling of shame that washes over him. He shouldn’t need Master Yoda’s help like this. He’s dealt with his prescience since he was a child, he should be used to it by now.

He tries to accept the feeling and let it go. He knows that Master Yoda would likely smack his shin with the gimer stick and say something about there being no shame in needing help, and how asking for it shows greater wisdom than breaking your back trying to carry all burdens on your own.

The thought almost makes him feel a phantom ache in his shin, and he smiles. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Obi-Wan turns back to the matter at hand.

The feeling of ever approaching danger has yet to leave. Which means that whatever it is he’s being warned about, it has yet to happen. He stares at his planner and frowns slightly, tapping a finger softly against his desk. It’s difficult, to say the least, to plan for something when you don’t know what that something is.

Perhaps he should bring some troopers with him when he leaves his office for today’s meetings. Having a few extra pair of eyes to search for danger would be beneficial. Not to mention that should something happen, having them around could very well help save lives.

A meeting with Senators Biwa, Himesh, Chuchi, and acting Vice-Chancellor Ha’han-ash regarding a treaty between Cyllian III and Illi-hian starting ninth hour and set to end thirty minutes before lunch at twelfth hour. At thirteenth hour his meeting with Bail Organa regarding the a bill concerning the relocation of war refugees will start.

Obi-Wan rubs his beard and considers his predicament again. He cannot bring all his troopers. Some must remain to guard his offices, he has too many important documents and notes in them to risk leaving them unattended. Besides, bringing too many guards could be taken as an insult; the Senators could see it as Obi-Wan implying that they’re untrustworthy.

Any other day, Obi-Wan would go to the meeting alone; he hasn’t been bringing guards to meetings where he doesn’t leave the upper floors of the Senate office building, but with the way the Force is—constantly sending out warning signals…

Well. Obi-Wan simply cannot risk it. He’s not one to play fast and loose with people’s lives. Not to mention the potential for political fallout from accidental perceived slights or favouritism…

Obi-Wan shakes his head again. He’ll bring Waxer and Boil with him for the day, the rest of the troopers will stay in the guard room and make sure no one gets into the office.

Decision made, Obi-Wan glances to the clock again, nodding to himself. He’ll have to leave soon unless he wants to arrive late, which means discussing his plans with the men immediately.

He puts his planner down and gets to his feet. Politics wait for no man.

~~~~

Obi-Wan glances at the clock discreetly. The meeting was supposed to end thirty minutes before lunch hour, but now it is already fifteen minutes past lunch hour. Senator Biwa has gone over the set meeting time by almost forty-five minutes already. Lunch hour has started and if Obi-Wan wants to have time to eat anything besides rations bar from his office before his next meeting, this one must wrap up quickly.

“All in all, I think it’s clear that Cyllian III has broken the treaty with Illi-hian and as Senator of Illi-hian I cannot allow it to stand. I’m sure you understand, Chancellor,” Senator Biwa says, his nasal voice picking up a few octaves toward the end of the sentence.

“I understand your position, Senator, and I appreciate that you called for a private meeting with a few neutral parties present—including myself—before you brought this before the Senate as a whole,” Obi-Wan says smoothly. If he wants this meeting to end, he will need to play his cards right. “At the same time, I also understand Senator Himesh’s position, and I believe that further investigation into the treaty and the situation is warranted before any decisions are made.”

Senator Chuchi nods her head. “I much agree with Chancellor Kenobi.” She casts a glance toward the other senators before she continues, “And I’m very pleased to see that you are both willing to negotiate and discuss the situation with diplomacy before any drastic measures are taken.”

Her words very much go in line with the sort of person Obi-Wan has come to understand that she is. Her experiences on Orto Plutonia seem to have shaped much of her views regarding battle and diplomacy. A controlled temper and a calm personality. With the timidity she had during that time now gone, she’s grown into her role.

She would likely have made a good Jedi, Obi-Wan thinks to himself with a small smile.

“Agreed,” Senator Ha'han-ash says, tilting her head to the side. “I must ask that this meeting draws to a close now, as I’m afraid it’s already past lunch hour and I will soon have other duties that demands my attention; as, I’m sure, do you all as well.”

Senator Biwa momentarily looks as if he wishes to argue, but finds himself without anything to say. He nods and murmurs an agreement instead. Senator Himesh glances at him, and follows suit.

Obi-Wan looks at Boil and Waxer, standing on each side of his chair, though just one step behind, before he returns his attention to the gathered politicians.

“I must thank you for the meeting, gentlebeings. I will ensure an independent and neutral investigation is conducted, and once it finishes, I will call you all for another meeting.” Obi-Wan smiles blandly at the gathered group.

“Thank you, Chancellor,” Senator Biwa says, “I will leave it in your capable hands.”

Obi-Wan gets to his feet and makes a customary Jedi bow, years of habit from diplomatic missions hard to curb. He may be the person with the greatest power, both physical and political, in this room but it would be truly gauche to remind the others of it.

The Force is all but screaming in Obi-Wan’s head, like warning sirens going off in a failing space ship. It’s a rising crescendo in the back of his mind and soon it becomes almost a physical itch. The sensation as a whole is much as if every passing moment takes him closer and closer to whatever it is the Force has been warning him about—as if he’s a hair’s breadth from impact.

Senator Chuchi and Vice-Chancellor Ha’han-ash step up to him as Senators Biwa and Himesh draw away from the group—away from the meeting table toward Senator Biwa’s personal desk—to discuss something in low voices. Normally, Obi-Wan would be able to listen in on their conversation, but with the constant warnings from the Force and his need to pay attention to other things he finds it too much effort. Not to mention rude.

Senator Chuchi brushing a strand of hair out of her face catches his attention, and he turns his attention to her more fully.

“What is your schedule for the rest of the day, Chancellor?” she says and graces him with a small smile.

“In the immediate, I will have lunch. After lunch hour has passed, I have a meeting with Senator Organa. Said meeting is expected to take up the rest of my afternoon,” he says and smiles in return.

“I see,” she says and pauses briefly before she continues, “I was wondering if, perhaps, you and Vice-Chancellor Ha'han-ash might be willing to join me for lunch?”

Obi-Wan blinks in surprise. Unexpected, but not unpleasant.

“I would be delighted to.” He turns to Ha’han-ash. “What do you say, Vice-Chancellor?”

She inclines her head again, her large horns making the movement seem more exaggerated than it actually is. “I believe that would be a lovely way to pass the lunch hour,” she says and makes her people’s customary gesture of thanks with her left hand—signalling her appreciation of having been invited. “Do lead the way, Senator Chuchi.”

Obi-Wan nods and turns to the other two senators to bid his farewell. “Well then, Senator Himesh, Senator Biwa, we will take our leave first. May the Force be with you,” he says and bows slightly again.

The two nod, bow a bit, and give their own farewells in return. Senator Himesh’s long neck sways slightly—the movement is slightly reminiscent of the Kaminoans.

Kaminoans… Kamino… the Inhibitor Chips… No mention of them beyond that one memo in the databases… as far as he could find… Oh!

The virus! Of course! It was rewriting files when Ellée neutralised it, so who’s to say that it didn’t have time to alter a few other files before she noticed? Which means that there is a possibility of unaltered records in the back-up files, just as there were with the mission reports!

Of course there was something he was missing last night!

He’ll have to contact Ellée for access to one of the backup drives immediately. Senator Chuchi and Vice Chancellor Ha'han-ash won’t begrudge him a single comm. Or perhaps he should—!

The Force screams at Obi-Wan. The ghost sensation of fire washes over him and suddenly he knows.

He flinches backwards, bumping into Boil and Waxer, and gathers the Force around everyone close enough for him to reach in an instant—just before the explosions tear through the room.

~~~~

Riyo Chuchi cries out in pain as she’s thrown across the room and slams straight into the wall, banging her head before she crashes to the floor, her head smashing against it.

Her ears ring and hurt and she feels dizzy. There’s an ache in her arm, there are black spots in her vision, and she wants to scream with the pain. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to breathe through it, tries to calm down.

What in the Core Worlds happened?

She opens her eyes to take in her surroundings and is met with complete chaos.

There is debris everywhere, something is spewing smoke, and—! Before she can properly catalogue everything there’s a loud crashing sound and she’s moving against her will, rolling down something.

She cries out, her injured arm slamming against the ground with every rotation, before she comes to a stop, smashing into something hard and full of sharp edges.

More rumbling, the sound of a siren, the crackle of fire and then further agony. Her leg is burning and she finally screams.

By the Fates Above, she can barely breathe through the pain as she tries to roll away, tries to move, but the agony is threatening to tear her apart.

Her left arm will not move, but with a surge of adrenaline she moves into a sitting position without using it to support herself.

With the edge of her thick cloak she pats out the fire on her skirt, regardless of the pain each pat against the injured flesh causes.

“Fates preserve me,” she breathes, chest heaving and tears overflowing her eyes.

“There is a fire in sector 23B-42H. All building occupants are requested to leave the building immediately.” The robotic voice from the speakers startles her, muffled and almost drowned out by the ringing in her ears.

She looks away from the terrible sight of her burned leg to take in her surroundings instead.

The burning debris is so hot. She slowly inches away from it further, both to get away from the heat and to avoid breathing in the hot air or the smoke.

Above her is a large hole, though smoke is obscuring most of what is above. The floor of Senator Biwa’s office giving way due to the structural instability caused by the explosion must have been what set her rolling.

Senator Biwa… That’s right, she wasn’t alone. She starts scanning her surroundings more closely, where are the others?

She has to find someone else. She looks around, she can either move to the left, or to the right. She closes her eyes, swallows heavily, and then chooses to go right.

Crawling with an injured leg and a useless arm is harder than Riyo could have ever imagined, but she needs to find someone else. She can’t bear the thought that she might be the only survivor. Not to mention, she wants to get as far away from the source of the fire and the billowing smoke as possible. She knows that if she inhales that hot air…

The ringing in her ears hasn’t let up, but she can still hear other things—the groaning of duracrete and durasteel, the sparking of broken wires, the crackle of fire, the constant repetitive robotic message telling everyone to evacuate the building…

As she moves her left arm hangs uselessly at her side, and she knows that without it she has no chance of climbing back up the piece of flooring she rolled down. No, she needs to find a way out—a door, anything—on this floor level.

That, or someone who can help her.

It likely doesn’t take her long to hear the sound of coughing in front of her, though every moment feels like an eternity. She continues her slow crawl and rounds a corner.

“Vice-Chancellor Ha'han-ash!” she exclaims loudly, flooded with relief at finally seeing another living soul.

Ha'han-ash is sitting against the wall, holding her hands over the lower part of her face, obscuring it from view.

“Senator Chuchi!” Ha'han-ash says, though it comes out slightly muffled by her hands. In the low light, Riyo can see a trickle of blood sliding down her forehead and onto one of her hands.

“Are you… are you terribly injured, Senator?” Riyo asks, crawling closer.

Ha'han-ash shakes her head, but keeps her hands firmly covering the lower half of her face.

“Not as such, no. I think I might have some damaged ribs, possibly some damage to my airways, but my people are hardy and with thick skin.” Her voice as hoarse and strained. “However, I believe the Chancellor must have done… something to lessen the effects of the blast. I saw him flinch and lift his hands just before the explosion occurred.”

Riyo frowns, and tries to think back. Had Chancellor Kenobi moved? She can’t remember. The one thing she does remember, however, is seeing is his face and the sudden pallor on it.

“Perhaps he… sensed something? Through the Force?” She finally manages to arrange herself in a mostly comfortable position, though her leg hurts more than she truly bear. It’s hard to concentrate with the constant smarting. She all but collapses against the wall, letting it hold her weight. “I will admit that I know nothing about how the Force works.”

Senator Ha'han-ash turns her head to the side slightly, the movement looks odd with the way she keeps her hands over her face. Why is she—?

“Your veil!” Riyo speaks her thought as soon as it pops into her head.

“It seems to have gotten lost in the blast, and I have nothing to replace it with unless I tear a bit from my dress. However…” she trails off and won’t meet Riyo’s eyes anymore.

Riyo’s eyebrows knit in confusion and her mouth turn downward, why is Senator Ha'han-ash suddenly not looking at her? She knows she’s covering her face with her hands because her veil is missing but—!

Oh. Of course. If her veil is missing, then she must use something else to cover the lower half of her face in front of others, as is the custom of her people.

“I assume I arrived before you could do so,” Riyo concludes, nodding to herself. “I will look away, and you can tear a bit from my dress, Vice-Chancellor, it’s already ruined,” she offers, before she closes her eyes and turns her face away.

“Thank you, Senator Chuchi.” The words are heartfelt, and Riyo smiles despite the situation at hand.

~~~~

Boil has seen his fair share of explosions as a soldier, but he’s never been actively caught in one before. He’s certain the General did something—since Boil’s not dead—and the only thing he can think of that could possibly allow you to survive being in the middle of an explosion would be some kind of Jedi Force thing.

His armour seems to have shielded him from the worst of it too. Cataloguing his injuries, he knows he’s a little banged up—his elbow is hurting like a fucking gundark has been gnawing on it and something seems to be dribbling out of his left ear—but in a mostly good condition.

Ugh, ear dribble.

He shakes his head to clear it, resolutely ignoring the slight dizziness he feels and starts taking in his surroundings. He needs to find Waxer, the General, and the senators. Any potential health issues can wait until he’s made sure that they aren’t worse off than he is.

The surrounding area is a fucking mess, not that Boil expected anything else considering the explosion. He appears to be on one of the last pieces of floor in his vicinity that hasn’t crumbled down into the room beneath the office. There’s a gaping crater, more or less, with smoke billowing out of it and there are glass shards from the utterly demolished windows everywhere.

He should call for backup and definitely healers too.

He checks his comm. No lights. No response. Fuck. It’s completely fried. The shock wave of the explosion must have taken it out. Boil rubs a hand over his helmet visor and hopes that Waxer’s comm survived.

So. If comming for help is going to have to wait, then the next step is finding survivors and ensuring the General and Waxer’s safety… And the other Senators’ as well, but Boil can acknowledge his priorities in his own head.

Glancing back to where he knew two senators had been standing when the blast rocked the room, he sees two crumbled bodies, one of them half buried in debris.

Shit.

He gets to his feet, knowing he needs to check the bodies first, before he goes down the hole—otherwise he risks not being able to get back up.

He moves slowly, almost like he’s sneaking, as he makes his way over, occasionally testing the floor first, unwilling to risk making more flooring fall and possibly land on someone.

The floor, despite its condition, seems mostly stable. He doesn’t hear any cracking noises or the like. In fact, Boil’s surprised with how quiet everything is. Shouldn’t some sort of alarm system have gone off considering there was an explosion?

Perhaps the alarm system got taken out by whoever planted the bombs?

Shaking his head, Boil decides that speculation will have to wait. Right now he needs to check up on everyone else and comm for help. With a resolute nod to himself, Boil continues on his way to the two bodies.

Senator Himesh—who looked a bit like a cross between a Mon Calamari and a lothcat but with a long neck—is the closest. Half his body is covered beneath the remains of what was probably a desk once.

He isn’t moving. At all. In fact, Boil can’t even see any rise and fall of his chest.

Fuck. Shit. Sithspit. May the waters of Kamino swallow the bomber whole.

Boil removes his left glove and puts his hand around the nose area. No breaths. He presses his fingers to Himesh’s neck instead, looking for a pulse. However, he quickly realises the futility of it as he has no idea where he should be feeling it—he’s not a medic, and he’s certainly never seen anyone of Himesh’s species before—and he decides to test the wrist instead.

No luck. The senator is dead as a Kaminoan seeeel fish on Tatooine.

Boil shakes his head and gets to his feet, tucking his glove into his belt for now, and moves on. There’s nothing to be gained by staying with the dead.

He walks around the desk and heads over to the second slumped body.

Body turns out to be the right word too, because Senator Biwa is definitely dead. There’s blood coming from his nose and ears, and there’s…

Boil gets back to his feet and puts his glove back on, no need to check for a pulse. He might not be a medic, but there’s no way Biwa survived that.

Both bodies confirm Boil’s suspicions about how the General must have used the Force to somehow shield the people who were close to him, because he’s in too good shape compared to these two. He was close enough to the blast that the shock wave should have fucked his lungs up at the very least, but they seem to be just fine.

Shaking his head and sighing, Boil returns to the large hole. He’ll need to get down there to see if he can find someone else. The rest of them should be okay, though—aside from possibly Waxer—not in as good shape as Boil, considering their lack of armour.

Getting down the hole is easy, the floor has collapsed in a way that’s more or less created a slide. It seems to be mostly dark down the hole—was it a storage room without windows beneath Biwa’s office?—at least partly because of the smoke rising from it.

Carefully sliding down the floor piece, Boil wonders if the lights were turned off in the room below or if simply no lights survived the explosion.

He can see a bit of fire, but the smoke is thankfully rising and being swept out the broken windows in the office above—less chance of anyone getting issues with smoke inhalation then.

Reaching the bottom, he looks around; once at the bottom he can see that it’s slightly dim from many broken lights, but not so much that he can’t see—some still work and the fire is pretty much a light source, as are the sparks from broken wires.

Boil finds himself at a crossroad: either he goes left or he goes right, and he has no way of knowing which way would be the most beneficial.

He starts to go to the right, but changes his mind quickly. He’s not sure why, but he feels like he should go left first—maybe the General and his ‘feelings’ have started to rub off on Boil. Turning on his heel swiftly, ignoring the way his elbow smarts and the black spots that appear in his vision from the abrupt movement, Boil sets off to the left—hopefully to find Waxer.

Walking around the huge slabs of duracrete and durasteel, Boil catches sight of Waxer almost immediately. Looks like the Force is with him, as the General would say. It’s also now that Boil realises that his hearing must be out, because Waxer has removed his helmet and is clearly cursing up a storm, but Boil can’t hear it at all.

Shit.

“Waxer!” Boil hurries over and sees quickly why Waxer is cursing: one of his legs is trapped beneath a heavy looking slab of debris.

Waxer turns to him and starts talking, gesturing towards his leg and the mess holding him in place. He’s speaking so swiftly that Boil doesn’t have a chance to read his lips, and wouldn’t even if he’d been trained for it.

“Waxer, Waxer!” Boil has no idea how loudly he’s saying it, but it seems to give Waxer pause. “I can’t hear shit, I think the blast has deafened me.”

Waxer pales, presses his lips together, and nods resolutely in understanding.

“Does your comm work? Mine doesn’t, and we need to call for backup and healers.” Boil shakes his arm a bit to show the lack of lights coming from the comm.

Waxer immediately starts digging into his pocket—so he wasn’t wearing it when the blast hit?—and brings up his comm. Unlike Boil’s, this one’s lights are glowing. Waxer messes with it for a bit then gives Boil a thumbs-up.

He moves through a rapid series of field signs, [Will comm for backup and healers. Find the General,] before he turns to his comm and starts to enter a number sequence, likely for the Jedi Temple or the brothers still in the General’s office.

“Senator Biwa and Himesh are both dead, I haven’t found anyone else besides you yet.”

[Understood.] Waxer’s face is set in grim determination.

Nodding resolutely to himself, Boil gets to his feet. Waxer is fine, mostly, and now Boil needs to find their general.

~~~~

Obi-Wan stares blankly into nothing and tries very hard to keep breathing, despite the utter agony of it.

He can’t move, even the tiniest of movement sends shocks of pain through him, worse than the constant throbbing of his chest. Breathing hurts and he takes slow, shallow breaths.

He’s not getting enough air, he knows as much, but any attempt to draw deeper breaths sends a wave of pain through his systems. Better to try and minimise the pain felt and hopefully be able to keep his wits about him longer.

What happened?

He swallows and blinks a few times, trying to make his vision stop spinning. The dizziness is worse than any he can remember in recent history. It’s much like the time when he contracted a rather bad concussion as a Padawan.

He closes his eyes and swallows again, trying to keep his breathing even if shallow, trying to stay calm despite it all.

They had finished the meeting. And then… What happened?

The senators.

Waxer and Boil.

Where is everyone? Where is he?

He looks around without moving his head, the disarray and destruction around him indicates some sort of explosion. No one else is here… What if they’re all dead? What if he’s the only one still alive?

The Force is silent. It seems… it seems this explosion was what it was trying to warn him about. However, he… He walked straight into it. He brought Waxer and Boil into it. If he’d gone alone, then at least they would have been safe.

Now…

Now he doesn’t… he doesn’t know if they’re even…

He blinks his eyes open. The pain is constant, and the worst of it is in his chest. He should… he should catalogue his injuries. Try to focus and see if there’s anything he can do something about.

He should be trying to move, trying to find the others and…

What was he thinking about? He tries to focus, tries to remember, but his head is spinning and he’s in so much pain.

Pain.

Injuries.

He was supposed to catalogue his injuries. He opens his eyes resolutely.

Sitting up is a far greater challenge than Obi-Wan could have ever imagined. He’s barely lifted his head a millimeter off the ground before he must stop, the strain on his chest too painful.

So, no sitting up to catalogue his injuries; he’ll have to do it lying down.

Obi-Wan relaxes his facial muscles, keeps his eyes closed, and tries to even out his erratic and painful breathing once more. If he can’t sit up and look, he’ll have to catalogue his injuries by what sort of pain he feels and where he feels it.

The pain in his chest is similar to being stabbed—he recognises the feeling well enough. His time as a Jedi has been fairly tumultuous, in great part due to the war, so he’s been stabbed a few times before. However, those injuries were likely not as severe as the stab injury currently afflicting his chest. If there is such a thing as a stab injury that isn’t severe.

Clenching his eyes shut harder, Obi-Wan tries to focus on his breathing properly. He feels not just dizzy, but also light-headed, as if he’s not getting enough air. The horrifying thought feels familiar, somehow.

He pushes that away; he shouldn’t get side-tracked. He needs to determine the severity of his stab wound beyond the obvious “to the chest” and “very painful when breathing”. He moves his left hand slowly, sliding it across his chest to try and find the wound.

It doesn’t take him long, and his hand closes around a long, round thing sticking out of his chest. The shock makes Obi-Wan stop breathing for what feels like like an eternity.

The feeling of having been stabbed, trouble breathing, this durasteel rod… Oh.

Obi-Wan opens his eyes and angles his head—moving his chin toward his chest without lifting his head from the floor, ignoring the almost painful way his scalp scrapes against it.

The angle is bad, the light is dim, and his vision is swimming, but Obi-Wan can still see the durasteel rebar—which must be piercing straight through his chest—quite clearly. Blood gleams on its surface and Obi-Wan has to swallow down panic.

He’s dying, isn’t he? He hasn’t heard anyone move, hasn’t heard anyone so much as call for him, so help doesn’t seem to be coming, and unless he gets help quickly… Even if the reinforcement bar is stopping the worst of the bleeding and hindering air from entering the chest cavity… He needs medical attention soon.

He’s dying. He’s dying and he’ll die alone.

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

The mantra, familiar as it is, is no help here. Obi-Wan finds that he cannot find any peace or serenity in the uncertainty and pain of his situation. He’s known he could die at almost any moment for years due to the war, and yet…

He clenches his eyes shut again, finds that he cannot stand to keep looking at the blood covered piece of durasteel any longer. He feels ill. There’s a piece of durasteel rebar going straight through his chest.

The thought enters his head, panicked and unbidden; some of the last words he’ll ever say to Anakin and Ahsoka: “Like Master, like Padawan.”

Master Qui-Gon died by being pierced through the chest with a lightsaber, and now Obi-Wan will…

The hysterical giggle wheezes out of his mouth. The shortness of his breath is as terrifying as the knowledge that he will die alone.

“Obi-Wan. Little one. Please don’t despair. Help will come, you must only hold on long enough.”

Oh. That achingly familiar voice.

Obi-Wan gasps for breath, every single one rattling his chest and sending spikes of pain through him. So this is how it will go. If there is no real companionship to be had as he dies—what happened to the others? Waxer and Boil? The senators?—then it appears he will hallucinate some.

“Oh, Padawan mine, you cannot give up now,” Qui-Gon’s voice says, strain and worry apparent in a way it rarely was in life.

When Obi-Wan finally relents and opens his eyes, he’s met with a sight he didn’t expect. The illusion of his old, long-dead Master is glowing, faintly blue, and quite see-through—not solid and real looking as he would have expected.

Why would he hallucinate a ghost as his sole companion during his last moments?

“Please, Obi-Wan, try to focus,” the ghost says and kneels down, bringing its face that much closer to Obi-Wan’s own. One of its big hands brushes some stray hair out of Obi-Wan’s face—it feels like a gentle breeze.

“You will survive this, Padawan mine, because of your use of the Force.”

The Force? What…? He tries to remember.

They had just finished the meeting and were heading out to have lunch, and then… Nothing. It’s a blur. Why is he here? What happened? What did he do?

“W-what?” he croaks.

“You shielded yourself, and the others close to you, from the worst of the blast… Help will get here in time, Obi-Wan.”

The blast? The others? What others?

…

Oh. Oh, that’s right. The senators, Waxer and Boil. Yes, they were close to him. Where are they?

He’s alone, wherever he is. Hallucinations don’t count as company.

Oh…

He’ll die alone.

It’s now that Obi-Wan realises that for some reason, some reason he cannot quite understand, he always expected someone else to be there when he died.

Perhaps Anakin, during a mission gone wrong. Or Ahsoka during the same.

Perhaps Cody, in the midst of war and battle.

Perhaps surrounded by friends, old and finally at his end, in the Jedi Temple.

He’s never considered dying alone before.

That… that’s where he differs from his Master. At least… At least Master Qui-Gon didn’t die in solitude.

Pierced through the chest and definitely dying, Obi-Wan finds himself glad that he was there for his Master’s last moments—whatever little comfort he might have been, because he sorely wishes for the same now.

“Oh, Obi-Wan, please don’t despair. I am one with the Force, and the Force is always with you, and so, I am always with you. You must only hold on a little longer, and I am so very proud of you.”

Oh. Well.

“I was there…” Obi-Wan wheezes, “when you died… Perhaps it is… fitting… That I see you… now when I die…” It’s so hard to breathe, and so hard to speak. His eyelids feel heavy, like slabs of durasteel. Obi-Wan struggles to keep his eyes open, to keep looking at this mirage. Even if it’s not real, it’s a sight sorely missed.

The ghost of his Master looks so very sad, suddenly, but Obi-Wan simply smiles at the mirage. He wishes he could be held like when he was young, just one last time, but he knows it’s impossible. Hallucinations brought on by the spinning mind of a dying man cannot touch you.

Master Qui-Gon’s ghost says nothing more, simply leans over and kisses Obi-Wan’s forehead. Obi-Wan finally closes his eyes. The pain is immense, but perhaps there is peace to be found in his dying moments after all.

There is no death, there is the Force.

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)

#Supreme Chancellor Obi Wan Kenobi #my writing #star wars #obi wan kenobi #tcw #holy shit #update is happening #long post #here we go #lmao are y'all ready for this?#I got an ask!#Anonymous #feelingsandopinions

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homeo-stories · 5 years

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Legacy is this fun game of telephone i’ve been playing with myself for half my life. when I say I started writing it when I was 11, it isn’t technically true. I first got the idea for the original iteration of Legacy when I was 11 years old (if I had my fourth grade journal on hand, I could give you the exact date of first mention of this idea.)

Nobody asked about this but I like talking to myself so I’ll throw the rest of it under a cut.

Back then, in 2007, it was about these two kids (named Halley and Zak) from “our” world who were suddenly taken to a world of magic that they were tasked with saving. Along with three elf sisters who called that world their home, they set out on an epic quest that I burned out on after 64 pages. No idea what the end goal was anymore but there was going to be a surprise twist where the two kids turned out to be secret twins. I was 11.

I set the story aside for a little while and when I picked it up again, it was time for a major rework. In the seventh-ninth grade draft, the two protagonists, now in high school instead of eighth grade, were once again taken from their world and into a world of magic - in one of many many ways I tried out. could never seem to land on one. In any case, they again unearthed their own latent magical powers and set out on a quest. I literally cannot remember what this quest was. I was always vague about it, to the point where I got through the entirety of this draft without directly addressing it (nobody said it was a good draft.) I think they were supposed to be breaking some kind of curse. I think it was just called “the darkness” in the 2007 draft. Oh well.

Two of the three elf sisters from the original draft were still present in 2011, but they weren’t sisters anymore. One of them was now a love interest for Zak. I cannot remember what I did with the third one, which is especially strange because she was the most important one in the original draft.

This draft is where Kye comes in. Original Kye (then spelled “Ky”) was your classic edgy eighth grade oc - black hair, red eyes, extremely pale, tortured past, family issues. In this draft, he was an 18-year-old man. This eventually changed.

Original Ky went from filler character to favorite character within eh one chapter of writing him. I don’t remember precisely when the black hair and red eyes went away, but before too terribly long that vision was replaced with a much more normal-looking kid. Now blonde and yellow-eyed (i said more normal) Kye set out into the world to become the boyfriend of my increasingly-self-insert protagonist Halley. Of course I had to fridge his existing girlfriend, Leona, to get there, but that’s just how it be when you’re 15 and you don’t know shit about shit. Proto-Tempest was there as well, but as a blacksmith’s apprentice named (of all things) Coal. He was still Kye’s brother, but I don’t recall him doing very much.

That draft was over 500 pages long. I probably still have it somewhere, but i cannot for the life of me remember what it accomplished anymore. There was definitely a scene at the end where, fantasy mission accomplished, Halley returned to her world and her existing normal-world boyfriend With her new fantasy boyfriend, which was probably a grand old time for all involved. Actually Halley at that point had already broken up with a fantasy boyfriend to pursue Kye. Additionally, I remember throwing in that a side character confessed his love to her as he died. She had boys falling all over her. wow wow.

I had plans at first for the story to be a trilogy, but I kept getting bored of the first story. At one point I skipped ahead to an “epilogue” type story which was Kye on some sort of solo mission to rescue his and Halley’s daughter. And probably Halley too, but I don’t remember where she was actually. In any case, this story (now probably either thrown out or buried deep in my piles on piles of old notebooks) likely marks the beginning of the end for Halley and Zak (the second of whom i think may have died in the 2012 draft? I don’t remember where he went.) I got so attached to Kye that I decided I didn’t need Halley and Zak anymore, and decided to eschew the segment that took place in “our world” entirely.

In 2013 I watched fullmetal alchemist brotherhood. Suddenly Legacy began again, with its new protagonists Kye, Tempest, and Leona bearing and eerie resemblance to the main three kids in fma. An adult character, a man named Guillermo, entered the scene for the first time in this draft, probably around the same time I watched fma03. Guillermo had (cough) a certain resemblance to roy as he appears at the end of fma03. Similarly, occupying the dead “best friend” slot for Guillermo was a man named Dmitri. More on him later.

Beginning in this draft, Kye (now 15, harrowingly blonde and yellow-eyed) and Temp (still 12, with a much less copyright-infringing design and a chronic lung ailment of some kind) are the sons of two former revolutionaries. The rebellion of which they were part was crushed by the might of the king’s army, and in an effort to quash all potential for future rebellions, the king ordered that everyone with a connection to the rebellion - as well as their families - be executed.

Somehow, Kye and Temp’s parents managed to raise three kids to their pre/teen years despite that. Just before the story starts, their luck ran out, and some of the king’s men found and killed them. Kye, then 12, Temp, then 9, and their older brother Sem managed to escape briefly, but Sem was killed not long afterward. Kye and Temp manage to make it to an isolated village and are taken in by kind older woman, who takes care of them. They live there peacefully for three years, and meet a neighborhood girl named Leona who is totally not winry rockbell. The king’s men eventually track Kye and Temp down, and they are forced to flee the town with Leona, who just so happened to get caught up in things by visiting at the wrong time.

These three are on the run a while and eventually crash into my first-ever attempt at an adult OC, a man named Guillermo, and his traveling companion Aika. Guillermo, I recently rediscovered from my old notebooks, was an Ass in 2014. A 28 year old war vet intent on restarting the rebellion that led to the deaths of Kye and Temp’s parents, he still had the time and energy to sass them for no discernible reason. He and Aika read less like adults haunted by their terrible pasts and more like teenagers desperately trying to be intimidating. Luckily they didn’t get much farther than escaping the city in which they met, because I went away to college or something and forgot about Legacy entirely.

Of notable interest in this draft is the appearance of Dmitri. He came into being at the same time as Guillermo, but with the key difference being that he was dead the whole time. Dmitri was Guillermo’s best friend, and he was killed in some battle or another. In one draft the king himself was the one who killed Dmitri, but then I also seem to recall the king taking Guillermo’s eye for insubordination, so who knows which side of things anybody was on, really. In any case, Dmitri was Guillermo’s Best Friend Only, and he died in a war. The 2014 draft hid away in the closet for a while.

Now here we are in 2019. Probably a single conversation with my sister transformed Kye from Totally Not Edward Elric to a girl who was just as cranky and just as short but who was, in a key difference, a girl. Leona remained as she had almost always been - a cheerful girl who had a huge crush on Kye. She doesn’t die in this one either. Temp got even smaller. Guillermo got older and I decided that he was completely in love with Dmitri instead of my coward’s way. Aika has any personality at all outside of taking care of him. I figured out how themes work and what this story’s are. Sizable components of the 2014 draft remained for the run I took at it in Camp NaNo this summer, and will likely stay for some time. I’m gonna wrap up my break from writing soon, and I’ll probably get down to figuring out this story and its world once I do.

#development hell #legacy #long post /

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rebelthroughreading-blog · 6 years

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Chinese Handcuffs by Chris Crutcher

After the suicide of his brother, Dillon finds it hard to cope with the truth of his brother’s pain and what cause he may have had in it.

Quick Information

price: $7.48

number of pages: 304

ISBN: 978-0060598396

publisher and date: Books; Reprint edition 2004

author’s website: http://www.chriscrutcher.com/

genre: juvenile fiction

main subjects: child abuse, suicide

Plot

Dillon is a fantastic athlete but refuses to join in his high school’s sports teams. He is still coping from the loss of his brother who committed suicide in front of him. Dillon cannot help but feel as though he had contributed somewhat to his brother’s pain. At the same time, Jennifer too is an amazing athlete who is competing. Sports bury the pain inside her as she tries to hide what her stepfather does to her at night. Together, Dillon and Jennifer try to face their demons and protect one another.

Who’s reading it?

Written on a ninth grade level, young adults high school aged and older are more likely to appreciate the content.

Why did I read it?

Chris Crutcher is known for his deeply personal and critical works. After reading Whale Talk I was excited to find more of his books in which to indulge. For myself, I have never been interested in sports, but Crutcher’s use of sports as an aide to the rest of the story, which also has real meaning to it. The discussions within the books always cross into controversial territory as they pertain issues that are sensitive and could trigger readers. Yet, I do not see it that way. The book was a discussion of the real issues its readers are dealing with and how they might be able to find the help that they need.

Evaluation

Filled with several different stories, Chinese Handcuffs describes the struggles and difficulties of Dillon, Jennifer, Stacy, and Preston. Dillon and Jennifer are both athletes who push themselves to be attain their own physical goals.

Dillon wants to win the Ironman triathlon, something for which he has been training intensely. He knows that he is one of the best, and therefore he will settle with nothing less.

Jennifer is getting ready to compete against the best athlete, and she wants to win to show that she is still number one. When speaking to her sister about it, she describes how the other player is better than her but she is tougher, therefore, Jennifer will still win. She has to win, because otherwise she always loses. After escaping one man who abused and raped her, she has fallen into another trap that she cannot escape. With no one to save her now, she is slowly losing her own sense of purpose and importance, so she has to win.

Preston is dead. He committed suicide after having a motorcycle accident where he lost both of his legs, and he no longer can have the life that he wanted. The drug use, motorcycle gang, and the crippled body were enough to make him reconsider his purpose. He tells Dillon right before he kills himself that in a way it is also Dillon’s fault for showing Preston everything that Preston could never be. Preston could see no reason to live if all he could ever be was the crippled, smaller, weaker brother who no one really liked anyway.

Stacy gave birth to Preston’s child and struggles with understanding not only how to continue living when her boyfriend is dead but also when the father of her child is gone. When she sees Ryan, she sees Preston, and that makes her angry, sad, and happy all at the same time. She also is struggling with the emotional roller coaster that is juggling feelings for someone who is dead and his younger brother.

When the stories converge, the dynamic is heart wrenching and complicated. Dillon wants desperately to learn how to love, but he has no real knowledge of what that is, especially having only seen his parents, who are no longer together, and his brother, who is dead. He searches for this in both Jennifer and Stacy, but neither can give him the love for which he is looking, because of their own demons. Only in confiding in each other can any of them eventually come to terms with the horrors of the world and begin to plan how they will continue to be survivors.

The Issues

cruelty to animals

explicit language

child abuse

sexual abuse

sexual content

teen pregnancy

drug abuse

gangs

suicide

violence

death

At the very beginning, Dillon and Preston, as much younger children, torture and kill the neighbor cat, because the cat was mean to their dog.

The language is frequent and explicit. With every curse word imaginable, the whole lot of characters, especially the boys, seem to include the explicit words in their every day vocabulary.

Many people are abused within the novel. Jennifer’s mother marries a man who abuses her and their daughter. He hits both of them and eventually rapes her daughter on many occasions. The only person she feels safe with his her grandfather who not only dies but dies when she is with him, and she tries to sit him up to safe him, but is unsuccessful. She lives with the self knowledge that if she had only tried harder, she could have saved him. When Jennifer tells her mom, her mother gets both of them help, and then kicks out her husband. She then continues to bring home guy after guy who abuse her until finally she brings home who would soon be Jennifer’s stepfather. He gained Jennifer’s trust and then raped her as well, threatening to hurt everyone she loved if she told. She has been raped over and over since then. She told her mother once and she and the stepfather essentially convinced CPS that she was lying.

Dillon is kind of in love with two different girls, though he does not understand love and begins to lust after both of them. He imagines being physically close to them, and has intimate conversations with them. He is not explicitly dating either of the girls, but he does not keep his romantic gestures to one or the other.

Stacy became pregnant as a teen and decided to keep the baby. She and her parents pretend that her parents are adopting a baby from members of their family who could not keep it, but Stacy admits to the baby being her own.

Preston committed suicide the day after he learned that he was going to have a child. He says part of the reason for his misery is Dillon who is the opposite of him: athletic, big, tall, smart, etc. Before Preston died, he was injured in a motorcycle accident where he lost both of his legs. He was constantly under the influence of drugs and hung out with a motorcycle gang. The night before his suicide, the gang initiated a gang rape of a young girl and he participated even if he never actually raped the girl. He tells this to Dillon before he kills himself, so Dillon confronts the gang and messes up their motorcycles which causes them to go after him.

So why should we read it?

All of these characters are suffering from different pains. All are young and dealing with a lot of issues that are too much for them to handle by themselves. The beauty of a novel is that it can show the negative parts without making an audience uncomfortable with truth. Preston commits suicide because of his pain, but Dillon and Jennifer are able to make it with each other’s help. Crutcher writes to explore the issues of inner and outer pain and the reality of coping or not. Not everyone is going to be able to survive by themselves, like Preston, but people have a chance with the help of others, Dillon and Jennifer.

How can we use it?

This book contains many issues that young adults have to face: death of loved ones, abuse, suicide, conflicting feelings, emerging emotions, and more. Reading about how some did not make it but also can see that it is possible to get out of the dark and find safety with the right help can be great. Sometimes people need that push to see that they are not alone. People are stronger than they think, even if that means that the strength comes from healthy friends and family.

Booktalk Ideas

Jennifer is sexually abused by her father when she is young. Once she has found her escape, she is sexually abused again. She has fallen into the same hole only this time, it is deeper and more dangerous if she tries to get out. Is it plausible that this happens in real life? Is the story good even though it just repeats itself especially when it comes to her? Does it seem to easy to have her abused and abused again? Does this have anything to with her mother who keeps finding mean men who abuse her?

What is the significance of having part of the story told through Dillon’s letters to his dead brother? His parts are not only told through these letters. Other sections of the normal prose follow Dillon. What insight do readers get from the letters instead of from the prose? Why do we only get the initiate thoughts of Dillon this way? Do Jennifer’s memories as J. Maddy serve the same purpose?

What else can I read?

Whale Talk by Chris Crutcher

Alt Ed by Catherine Atkins

We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier

Somewhere in the Darkness by Walter Dean Myers

Awards and Lists

ALA Best Book for Young Adults ALA Best of the Best Books for Young Adults 1991 South Dakota YARP Best Books List

Professional Review

Robert Unsworth (1989), School Library Journal - http://web.a.ebscohost.com.libaccess.sjlibrary.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=e537c58f-3344-4ac1-a58d-73113c0ed122%40sessionmgr4006

#ya #young adult #Chris Crutcher #fiction #abuse #suicide #male main character #female main character

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totesmccoats · 7 years

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9/20/17

Batman: the Red Death The first of the Dark Knights rises! In Earth -52, Batman hunts the Flash for his speed force. With the Bat-Family dead, Bruce wants to steal Barry’s powers so that he can protect the entire world, much less Gotham. After a long and, for Barry, torturous chase, Bruce succeeds in merging himself with the Speed Force, becoming Batman the Red Death. Shortly thereafter, he is approached by the Batman Who Laughs, who tells him that his world is destined to die, but he knows of one destined to live – they just have to take it.

Metal continues to be, well, metal as hell. Let’s start with the Red Death’s awesome name and better costume. He looks insane! And instead of lightning, he leaves a trail of bats as he runs like some kind of super-fast Dracula! Dude! This is extremely my shit! The first half of the issue is the stronger one, really setting up how scary the Dark Knights are even before their new powers. Earth -52 Batman is just as intelligent and prepared, but completely ruthless. The second half is weaker because, one: it feels like a retread of the first, and two: the Red Death railroads the Flash. No build-up, no tension, just a straight curb-stomping. At least it looks dope as hell.

Batman #31 KITE. MAN. HELL. YEAH. Kite Man gives Batman and the Riddler the location of Joker’s final remaining safehouse, but it’s on top of a tower filled with traps. Only way in is through the windows, and only way to get Riddler’s army through 73rd floor windows is with…kites. That’s it. That’s the issue. Kite Man’s coup de grace. Riddler also manages to give an actually rattled Joker a beat-down, but Kite Man finally gets his win. And in the next issue, Batman does the unspeakable.

Superman #31 Another Lois issue! On assignment by the Daily Planet to interview a cartel boss, Lois goes to Bolivia only to find that Deathstroke had gotten to him and his crew first. Inspired, Lois decides to instead track down and interview the most dangerous killer in the world, and, being Lois Lane, succeeds, but also attracts the attention of another group of killers. Give. Lois. Lane. Her. Own. Book! Seriously. These issues where we follow Lois on her investigations are some of the best in the series, and offer a perspective that no other superhero book really does. If this were just a Superman story, it would involve Clark flying around the world to stop Deathstroke from killing people; but Lois goes to watch him, to interview him, even. Almost every other protagonist in a superhero book does things to change the world in some way – usually by saving it; but Lois’ actions are motivated by observation, not participation. She usually does end up being a part of every story she covers, but her goal is always to let things play out around her rather than intervene herself. And while I think James Bonny understands and nails this perspective, if Lois should get her own series, I wish it would be written by someone with a journalism background whom could also capture journalistic language as opposed to the novelistic style writers usually make Lois write in.

Green Arrow #31 With Hal unconscious and floating in space, it’s up to Green Arrow alone to take down the Ninth Circle’s satellite and also the goon in the mech-suit protecting it. Not the easiest task when you also consider Ollie can’t breathe in space. Luckily, he’s recently made some friends who might be able to help. Like last issue, the finale drops the political overtones from earlier in the arc for pure explosive action, but is still satisfying as a conclusion to Ollie’s personal arc of rebuilding bridges with DC’s other heroes. Ollie still has to take down the satellite on his own, but at least now he has friends to help clean up the mess he makes in doing so. And this change really does show an evolution from the fallout of the last arc with the destruction of Seattle, where it all fell on top of Ollie and his small team, with no-one coming in to help. Meanwhile, Black Canary also completes her arc, taking out the underground men with a triumphant catharsis over her own abusive upbringing, helping others so they don’t suffer as she had. All and all, and ending that reestablishes hope for Green Arrow’s corner of the universe, even as he heads straight into Metal and it’s dark universe.

The Wild Storm #7 We’ve got an info-dump! IO’s Jacklyn King, their chief of analysis checks in at work and assigns her team to look into the Angela situation before Skywatch finds out about the stolen technology and sparks a war between the two most powerful agencies on and off Earth. Meanwhile, John Colt needs a quick rescue from an IO blacksite he broke into before he gets found out and killed, which would prevent him from giving the HALO team the aforementioned info-dump about what IO knows about Jacob Marlowe and machine telepathy. As Cole says in the issue, it’s a lot to take in. Thankfully, Ellis still writes some of the most electric dialogue in comics, and still manages to squeeze in a propulsive fight scene right before the info-dump to give us something to wind-down from. But even then, it’s one of those “here’s what we know they know we know they know” info-dumps – one of the worst kinds – and after reading it three times I’m still not sure if I’ve taken away everything I was supposed to from it.

Wonder Woman/Conan #1 As a child accompanying his father to council, Conan was awe-struck by a black-haired girl named Yanna. Years later, after becoming the Barbarian, Conan happens upon a gladiator match between three men and one black-haired woman who manages to beat them. She demands her freedom, but cannot overpower all of her slaver’s warriors and is taken back in chains. Conan, once again awe struck, goes to rescue her. So far, this is unfolding as a Conan story with Wonder Woman in it. While Conan is full Conan here, WW is amnesiac, forgetting everything including her name, remembering only that she has powers, and once had a golden lasso. And, for some reason, she also fashions a passable enough facsimile of her costume out of rags and mud. We get plenty of Conan being Conan in this issue, fighting bandits, looking for gold and wenches, and sneaking into places; I just wish we got more Wonder Woman. Hopefully next issue.

Generations: The Marvels Under (pre-Secret Empire #10) mysterious circumstances, Kamala Khan is sent back in time to when her hero, Carol Danvers, was still Ms. Marvel; and working on a failing women’s magazine spun out of the Daily Bugle. Kamala accidentally becomes an intern at the paper, and has to help Carol save the magazine, and the world, from an alien invasion. As she’s tended to do with crossover stories, Wilson seamlessly blends what could’ve been an interruption into a natural extension of her main Ms. Marvel story, turning this one shot into another part of Kamala’s growth from being Carol’s acolyte to a Ms. Marvel entirely her own. Working closer with Carol than she really has before allows Kamala to really nail what their differences in personality and heroic philosophy are, and how she can be true to who she is while still being the Ms. Marvel the world needs her to be. And Wilson also makes this arc into Kamala’s strategy for saving the magazine, by having her explain to Carol the sort of balance between fun and function that modern women want from their reading material. Villanelli and Herring’s art is a perfect match for the alternate history setting of this story too. My impression was that the issue looks almost like a 70’s manga, with Villanelli’s manga-inspired character designs and style and Herring’s coloring giving the book an aged patina. The whole aesthetic really gives the impression of something foreign but familiar that I really enjoyed, and also fit Kamala’s experience in the issue.

Spider-Men II #3 The origins of Miles Morales 616. Miles had taken a fall for the Rigoletto crime family, finding himself in Rikers; and Wilson Fisk gets himself thrown in to tell him he’ll be out sooner than expected. Morales helps defend Fisk while their both in their, starting a friendship that takes them to the top of the family. Honestly, not a great origin? Having our earliest introduction to this new minority character finding him already arrested for gang activity is pretty problematic, even considering he’s supposed to be a bad guy. But even besides that, it’s just an origin that we’ve seen before way too many times. And like in most things, Wilson Fisk completely steals the spotlight. And while there are are definite similarities in flirting style during a scene where Miles meets his future wife, this issue doesn’t do much to make the two Miles’ feel like doppelgangers, which was kind of supposed to be the conceit of the story. Really, more than anything, after reading this I want more young-Kingpin, and could care less about Miles-in-name-only.

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #4 Spidey, Teresa, and Torch manage to survive the Tinkerer’s assault in Kingpin’s penthouse, but find out they’ve been fighting a decoy the entire time. And they come home to more bad news: that JJJ is running with the Spider-Man aiding a traitor to SHIELD story he was leaked, meaning that Spidey and Teresa are also now on the lam! Luckily, there’s one place Peter can think of that nobody would think to look for them, but asking to crash on someone’s couch is a big ask before even a second date! This is probably the loosest issue of Spectacular so far, having enough slack for Spidey to do a tight-five of stand-up while on the run, but I honestly like it. Compared to where Amazing is right now, I enjoy having a Spider-Man series that is more loose and silly, even a little chill despite itself. Spidey’s stand-up sticks out from the issue like a sore thumb, but it’s fun page; and I really wouldn’t mind if the entire series continues the trend and leaves slack in the story for silly side stuff life it in the future.

Snotgirl #7 Lottie takes Caroline to Haters’ Brunch in an attempt to integrate her new friend with her old ones, but it doesn’t go that well. But later that night, Caroline’s brother Virgil convinces Lottie to invite her to a comic con party with the other girls, take her out of the city for a while on a road trip. Meanwhile, a slightly amnesiac Charlene wakes up from her coma to a waiting Sunny, and, under the advice of a mysterious stranger, begins to retrace her steps from New Years. What makes this such an interesting series is that, for all the exquisite detail the book gives us into each of these character’s inner lives and monologues, they never seem to be the details we need to solve the series’ main mysteries – mostly surrounding Caroline and now her brother. Instead, the issue is more concerned about Lottie’s continued attempts to impress Caroline by hiding how much she enjoys things like waiting in lines to get into fancy restaurants, and comic-con. But of course, it turns out that Caroline actually wants to go to the party after all, despite it being nerdy. Plus, showing us Lottie’s self-conscious side does do a great deal humanize her, keeping us on the love-hate relationship rollercoaster this book’s set up between us and the protagonist. It’s super interesting how the book divides our attention, really – because it wants us to care about Lottie, and gives us so much of her that we’re kind of forced to despite how terrible of a person she may be, but never lets us forget about this big mystery that Lottie barely even knows is something to be solved. It’s a really fun push-and-pull to play with/against, especially as you never know what the stakes of any given issue is gonna be.

Bitch Planet: Triple Feature #4 Another successful book of short stories from the Bitch Planet universe. Deschamps, Lee, and Olea’s “Life of a Sportsman” shows us a corner of the world we haven’t gotten to before, revealing the hyper toxic-masculinity of sports in this world, following the career of a megaton player who gets off better than OJ and Brock Turner combined. Sara Woolley’s “Bodymod” shows us the extremes that plastic surgery went to in Bitch Planet, making women into literal angels and mermaids who live in constant pain for their beauty. And Ayala and Gifford’s “To Be Free…” is a heist, where a ballerina is recruited to steal something of incredible value from a history museum in order to help the resistance. Unlike last issue, none of these stories feel like they’re repeating themselves or stepping on each-other’s toes. This issue also has some of the most distinctive art of these collections yet, further expanding the universe.

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9/27/17

Marvel Legacy #1 One million years ago, Odin and Agimotto joined ancient versions of the Pheonix, Starbrand, Iron Fist, Ghost Rider, and Black Panther to lock a Celestial deep under the Earth. Today’s versions of those heroes begin having dreams of those events, not understanding what they mean in the context of a world removed from its status quo. Welcome to Marvel Rebirth, essentially. Secret Empire really messed things up for the Marvel Universe, and it’ll take another universe threatening cataclysm to shake things back into shape. Not gonna lie, the Avengers One Million BCE is badass, if archeologically bonkers, and I’m excited to see more of them. And I’m also all about the return of Marvel’s first family. And also Space Wakanda. But overall, this felt a lot like Rebirth #1 without the soul. Just a bunch of hints to future stories.

Generations: Spider-Man Bendis does what he does best and writes an issue where two people just sit and talk to each-other. Miles Morales wakes up in the past, at Empire College, where he runs into a young Peter Parker, who is about to have one of the worst nights of his life. But instead of seeing that story (again), we see what happens when Miles talking to an exhausted Peter after the action, and learn what it means to live as Spider-Man, and the person under the mask. When forced to tell a story in one issue, Bendis really can do wonders, even in his normally dialogue heavy style. At its core, this issue is one Spider-Man revealing to another that being Spider-Man is never easy, it’s always sacrifice, and it’s always personal. And that’s exactly the sort of thing the first needs to talk about to learn when he’s won, and the second needs to hear to learn that he’s doing a good job.

Black Panther #18 The Midnight Angels go on a mission to retrieve Asira as T’Challa and Shuri investigate a village whose people were stripped completely to the bone. Shuri recognizes this from a Wakandan legend involving the Originators, but further investigation points towards a different origin. A lighter issue than most of Black Panther, consisting almost entirely of two action scenes with a last act reveal. Really not much to review in this one; it’s mainly a set-up for a big Legacy rematch.

Wonder Woman #31 Well, it’s not a great sign when the first issue of your Wonder Woman run barely has Wonder Woman in it. Instead, most of this issue concerns a fight between Hercules and Darkseid’s daughter, Grail. Wonder Woman’s only job in the issue is to find out who won. Like, the set-up is interesting enough, but I pick up this series to read about Wonder Woman, not Young Darkseid.

The Flash #31 Flash tries to evacuate the city before Bloodwork can hurt anyone, but with his powers still causing destruction everywhere he goes, realizes he has to stop this problem at the source. But hearing Bloodwork’s motivation helps Barry realize that his negative powers may be feeding on the same impulses, and realizing that can help the hero and villain alike. The end of this arc masterfully threads the needle from moody black-suit hero to reformed opportunistic hero, without letting Barry off the hook for being a jerk to his friends and family. Barry understands why his negativity has been ruling him, and promises to take steps to fix that, the first one being accepting responsibility for his actions. This ain’t a clean-slate for better-Barry. It’s self improvement, and it’s work. And its great that Williamson isn’t ending this arc with everything hunky-dory. It ends with Barry on the first step to healing, himself and those he’s hurt.

Batgirl #15 Dick and Barbara try to get some info on the Red Queen out of Mad Hatter, but he’s not talking much while in critical condition, and the hospital might not be the safest place for them at the moment, anyway. And in the past, Robin and Batgirl go undercover at a high school party to investigate where the drugs are coming from, but only find a strange song. And Barbara begins work on Ainsley’s project, which involves nano-bots with an intriguing glitch. I’m still charmed by this book strictly on the basis of DickBabs. It’s like, the one ship in fiction I’m actually invested in, and this story is handling it so well! Honestly, all I’m asking for are more Robin and Batgirl adventures, cute awkward flirting and all!

Nightwing: The New Order #2 Finally, a superhero about fascism I can get behind! Ok, “finally” is a bit much considering that this is basically an X-Men mutant registration story with DC characters; but what makes it work, unlike, say, Secret Empire, is that it addresses fascism’s marriage with bigotry. This issue flat-out says that this started because people were afraid of their neighbors, of the “others” that creeped in until it seemed like they suddenly overwhelmed the “normals.” And it shows that Nightwing, in a state of panic, gave into the fear and slippery-sloped the world into fascism. The details are unrealistic, of course, but the broad strokes ring true. The story does have one of the big issues that most X-Men stories like this also share, which is that unlike skin-color or religion, a superpower could actually pose a bodily threat to other people, and like weapons, should have public oversight…but that’s one of those dissonant you’ve just kinda gotta accept as part of the genre. Also, Bat-MVP Alfred-fucking-Pennyworth, refusing to stand down to fascism, bringing a bat to a gunfight, and showing Dick how it’s done. Next issue hopefully begins the Nightwing apology/ass-kicking tour.

Saga #47 We catch up with The Will, whom has been kidnapped by the vengeful widow of one of the many many many people he’s killed, who is using a magic VCR to playback his memories to find someone close to him that she can kill, and make him watch. Sadly, for both of them really, she’s having more trouble finding someone close to The Will still alive. It has been a minute since Saga featured the universe’s most unfortunate bounty-hunter, but this issue more than makes up for it. Through the magic VCR we witness the childhood incident that turned him into a freelancer, and an early mission with The Stalk, before his kidnapper discovers a memory she can do something with. The developing rapport between the Will and his kidnapper is also golden. She’s trying way too hard to play the supervillain, prancing around and taunting, to break the Will, but he’s already too broken to care, and has nothing left to lose anyway. I really can’t wait to see how she eventually becomes his new sidekick or partner and the sorts of hijinks they’ll get into.

Crosswind #4 After a pleasurable, but confusing, night out with Cason’s fiance, June finally decides to try and call the man whose body she’s inhabiting by calling herself. Fortunately, Cason – in June’s body – picks up, and the two have a conversation about being each-other. And June needs the advice, as Case’s life is about to get very very dangerous. It’s really an accomplishment that this issue can have a body swap conversation – in a silent medium, remember – with characters that are rarely using their own names, and still have it be completely legible. Case and June just have such distinctive “voices” in syntax and diction and style, that they’re clear even coming out of the other’s mouth. Just from a writing perspective, that’s super impressive on Simone’s part. But it’s also the rare body-swap conversation where the characters aren’t complaining to the other about how hard their lives are, the opposite in fact. Each compliments the other for the good in each-other’s lives. Cason compliments June on her son and gentleness, while June tells Case how impressed she is by the respect everyone shows him. But they also tell the other to be careful and not mess their lives up before they can swap back. And the issue rounds off with each actually making steps to work on maintaining the other’s appearances, with June hiring some people to watch her back; while Case goes to a neighbor’s house to find out how to be more ladylike. The conflict in this book isn’t with each-other at all, it’s already present in their own lives, and the other just has to deal with a completely foreign situation. Also, Simone gets in a couple of good boner jokes! Always a plus. Lastly, Staggs is doing so much with these characters’ body language. Posture, reactions, how they hold phones or go to sleep tells us so much about every character completely wordlessly, and in the sort of fine detail that’s not easy to come by in most comics. This is a wonder on every level.

Comic Reviews for 9/20/17 and 9/27/17 9/20/17 Batman: the Red Death The first of the Dark Knights rises! In Earth -52, Batman hunts the Flash for his speed force.

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