#but he's alone and lonely because he doesn't have much else in his life besides work and formerly me

[irisseireth]

Fuck him, honestly

[arialerendeair]

King!Dream and Knight!Hob! All the feels you can fit in that bad boy! Angst, pining, whump, whatever floats your boat! Spicy times if the spirit moves you!

THESE TWO ARE EVERYTHING TO ME AND I LOVE THEM, BECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS IT CAN GO. BUT HERE IS ONE OF THEM!!

~!~

There's, of course, the Knight Hob who has been working his way into the position, is FIERCELY loyal to his king, and becoming a member of his Kingsguard is everything he has ever wanted in his entire life. It's an honor and a pleasure (even though it makes him ache, soul-deep, as he realizes how lonely his King is, how much the crown weighs on him, and how much everyone demands from him, and how the King denies himself to meet the needs of others).

They get closer and closer, because Hob isn't befitting a Consort, even as Dream himself (his King had insisted, whispering, demanding, that he use his given name, because save for his Niece, his Heir, no one else did, and Hob hadn't been able to resist the quiet plea in those words), picks an Heir and protects their Kingdom and continues to rule alone. So though he cannot rule by Dream's side, Hob does everything he can to support Dream, every day.

Sometimes that includes dismissing the other guards to ensure the King can take a bath in peace. Sometimes it includes ensuring the fire is extra built up on the coldest nights and the warmest of furs have made their way onto Dream's bed. He loves his King (because of course he loves Dream), and there is nothing he wouldn't do to ensure that his King was happy. Absolutely nothing. He would give anything, everything, to ensure the happiness of his King.

And that includes his own life.

When an attempt is made on Dream's life, when the crossbow bolt is pointed at him from across the hall, Hob is stepping up and into it, without a second's thought. It tears through his shoulder, sinking deep into the flesh, and Hob's last thought is that he hopes he dies, not because he wants to die (far from it - he never wants to die), but because he will no longer be able to protect his King with an injury like this and that is worse, so much worse.

When the world goes black around him, Hob doesn't hear the shout from his King, or the explosion of furious magic that follows, nor the soft as satin hands that are touching the area around where the bolt is buried in his skin.

When he wakes, a great deal of time has passed, and even still, Hob is exhausted, and he's already wondering if he has been dismissed to a medical room befitting his station when he forces his eyes open and is surprised to recognize the King's Chambers. A few belated seconds later has him realizing that not only is he in the King's chambers, but he is in the King's bed, and his heart jumps into his throat, because the King, Dream, is sitting beside him in bed, reading by the light of the candle beside the bed.

He shifts, just enough to alert Dream and wide blue eyes dart down to stare at him, and then it is a scramble of hastily whispered words to hold still, and then Dream is holding a cup of water to his lips for him to sip from. Just that is exhausting, but his throat no longer feels on fire, and Dream, beautiful, perfect Dream, is still watching him, afraid.

"You mustn't ever do that again," Dream orders, his voice soft, but shaking. "Never. You were nearly lost to us."

Hob smiles despite himself, because the King's demand is a foolish one. "A worthy sacrifice to keep you safe, my King." He's surprised when Dream's face crumples in return and his hand is taken, cradled oh-so-carefully, and pulled closer. "Dream? Why-"

"You were nearly lost to ME," Dream growls, pressing a desperate kiss to Hob's palm. "I cannot lose you. I cannot." Another desperate kiss to the warm skin against his lips, before he meets his knight's eyes once more.

Hob's breath has caught and he is staring at his King with wide, shocked eyes. He strokes his fingertips down the length of Dream's cheek, before tracing the swell of his lower lip, marveling at the allowance, that Dream has not moved, nor denied him. "Dream."

Dream's breath leaves him in a heaving rush. "Never again would I have you hear me address me as my title. My given name has never sounded right until it fell from your lips, and I would hear it every time you address me henceforth." He pauses, breathing deep. "I have no desire to be a King to you, Hob, not any longer. I wish to be something far more dear, and I will not wait until death has stolen you from my arms to make you mine."

The smile that grows on his face is wide and shocked, happy and stunned all at once. Though there are many more words to be spoken, plans to be made, there is perhaps only one thing that matters in that moment, and Hob takes the excruciating amount of effort required to lift his hand, place it on the back of Dream's neck, to pull him into a kiss.

"That is a command I am happy to obey, my Dream."

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

On Tee's Lonely Grief

I've seen people talk about New's and Phee's grief, Pimpa's grief but the gang has never been considered that much on account of their guilt. This episode, however, brings attention to that. Especially in Tee's case. Especially in the scene when he finds Non dead.

And I have to say, I fucking love this scene. So I'm here to tell you why.

PS: For the sake of this post, unlike what's normally my policy, the pictures used will not be edited in any way, shape or form unless stated otherwise. I think it would be taking creative liberties with the photography and it would diminish the validity of my analysis.

So:

Tee finds Non's body upstairs with his uncle's goons (dressed in entirely black outfits which obviously invoke death) very suspiciously looming over it.

So he does what capable and strong Tee, who has to support himself and his father and his uncle's business and now Non (as we saw very clearly this episode) would do: He lashes out. He demands answers. He threatens people. Because that's how he learned to solve his issues.

Yet he gets mostly silence. Arguably, the same exact silence he initially offers the 2 other people grieving Non this episode: New & Phee.

And so he argues with his uncle, makes accusations, mirrors New in the present moment so well it's uncanny.

And then he's alone. Everyone leaves, including Non's body. And now there's no one to perform that idea of a strong ruthless guy to. Now it's just Tee. And the contrast between the act of Tee and Tee is remarkable: one moment he's cold, and the other moment he's completely broken.

So he screams, at the top of his lungs, which is interesting. Because we do see Tee cry but not much. Tee's just not a person who cries. Which, besides being very relatable, is also terrible. Why? Because crying relieves you. It helps you cope, it releases the tension from you, at least a bit. Tee not crying here means this (Non dying), unlike the guilt of what happened before with him and the gang bullying Non

(something he is allowed to shed at least a single poetic tear about) Is a burden he can't be relieved of. At least, not at that moment.

So we watch as Tee screams helplessly. And the environment is so telling. GOD, I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW

There's an empty space. Virtually nothing is there with Tee. Because, of course, he's alone in the room, we know this, but he's also alone.

No one else knows this story like Tee does. No one else has been with Non when he was a creative student trying to make a film, when there was life to him in all senses of the word and also saw his dead, lifeless body. No one else has been the cause for both Non's problems and Non's death. No one has liked Non as a friend and cared for him and watched him die without being able to do anything about it. No one in Tee's life knows what he's going through, what it feels like. No one in Tee's life is able to share his grief. And he can't escape it either.

You see that weird ass mirror there? Why is it there? There are curtains around it. But it's not a window. That's odd. But while it makes no sense decoration/architectural-wise, it makes so much sense from the point of view of symbolism.

There's no escape. Even when it really feels like there should be. Because Tee, the guy with all the solutions, should be able to find a solution, shouldn't he? Besides... We come to care so much for him and for Non... So how come there's no solution? Because, we, like these teens do to adults, naively trust the narrative. Of course, there's no solution. We all knew this from the start. We're only here because of this: Non is dead.

So, instead of a way out, a hope for something better than what's going on in that room, we get just more of it. Tee and we alike, have no escape. We're both forced to face that scene, forced to accept it. And Tee, if he dares look for that way out, will only have to face himself.

But interestingly, he never does. Tee never looks at the mirror on the wall. He doesn't even acknowledge it. Which, of course, might be a reflection (pun intended) of how he tries to pass the blame of Non's death to his uncle.

He repeatedly claims he didn't know what would happen, that he wouldn't have brought Non back if he did but... Is that true? As Perth's character (BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE, btw) says:

"You already knew, right?" Because, let's face it, it was obvious. Things could only go poorly for Non if Uncle Joe got his claws on him. Tee had to know that wouldn't end well.

So this scene also tells us that, despite deep down his immense amount of guilt telling him he is guilty of Non's death, Tee doesn't want to acknowledge it. He maintains that position, in fact, nearly all the way until the end of episode Ep.11. where he slightly changes his narrative.

He never planned to.

Right now, he's a new person. One that would not make the same mistakes as in the past but that, despite the changes, is inevitably the one who somewhere in the past did make them.

But back to the scene.

Tee is framed right in front of the blueish-grey curtains and we all know what that means, I do not need to cite the ancient scrolls. But I wanna add that grey is also:

a colour associated with sadness;

seen as a colour of death, as it is literally in greyscale, hence colourless, lifeless AND because it can also be interpreted as a mix of white and black, both of which are mourning clothes colours, depending on the culture;

a reflection of Tee's grey morality because, naturally, while we understand Tee's motivations and background, he did some pretty fucked up things that his good intentions and unhelpful help attempts cannot erase.

And then Tee finds a small paper, written by Non (in vivid blue, properly highlighting not only Non's depression but also Tee's).

And the paper reads: "I'm gonna get out of this place. I'm not a loser." And it hits him even further because Non (at least in Tee's vision, I'll leave Non's death up for debate, I'm sure people will have theories) wanted so bad to be victorious once, to succeed just once. He wanted to get a chance to live normally and it didn't happen.

This, of course, ends up shaping Tee's own path, as he meets White and gets a chance to do things "right" and as he becomes this "new person" and gets away from his uncle. But, in that moment, none of that is relevant because it hasn't happened and Tee cannot know it will, he can only know, with written proof, that he failed. And now Non's dead.

And so, in the last part of this scene, we see a more zoomed-out shot. And Tee's still alone but now we have a more clear vision of just how tiny that space is. And how he's nearly taller than the frame. How his grief is bigger than the space in which it was brought to him. But also how the weight of it, represented by the walls, is nearly crushing him. Another gigantic, and perhaps the biggest of all, responsibility on Tee's shoulders.

Furthermore, as @shannankle has marvellously described and explained in this post about sex scene framing, the framing gives us a level 3 visual gaze which is used to remind us as the audience of just how intimate and profoundly shaping of Tee this moment is: we are not supposed to be here, this moment is Tee's and Tee's alone. Because, of course, he is alone. In all senses. The access we're getting is nearly forbidden. Even to the other characters. Because they don't get to see it, they only hear about it (or we assume they do).

And, to top it all off, the cherry on top of this great scene: all of this happens while Tee is wearing his school uniform. Because, of course, it had to. Because we need to be reminded: this is a teenager. Tee, who's mourning his dead friend whose corpse he just saw and whose death is largely his fault is just a teenager.

[velvet-vox]

The complete and utter alienation of Tai Lung: Part 1

First thing first: I am not a Tai Lung defender so consider this an unbiased post.

So, Kung Fu Panda color theory is pretty much well known across all of the fandom, and it's obvious even from an outside perspective.

Po and the heroes are yellow/gold

Then Lord Shen's red

Kai's and Oogway's green

And finally Tai Lung colour is blue

(Also Chameleon is also yellow but this ain't about her).

And this is the one I want to touch upon in this post.

You see this graphic?

These are the three primary colours /yellow, cyan and magenta/ that come together to form the main secondary colours /blue, red, green/.

If you are in the fandom, or you just simply pay attention, you'll also know that:

Tai Lung's backstory has ties with Shifu.

Lord Shen's backstory has ties with Po.

General Kai's backstory has ties with Oogway.

But Kai backstory doesn't just simply have ties to Oogway like we were simply led to believe at large, but it also has ties with Po, because of his ties with the panda village and its effect on Oogway's reformation.

And with that, as you might have noticed, both Kai and Shen have, according to the chart, the colour yellow as a part of their secondary colour scheme.

With Shen in particular it goes a step further in that Po has red as a complimentary colour to yellow in some scenes.

Shen is also the least isolated of the villains (mental state doesn't count); always surrounded by his goons who he's going to use to conquer China and the Soothsayer, Shen is only truly alone at the end of the movie on the boat scene where he's just been defeated.

And Kai, despite the fact that he doesn't have goons that can bounce off his dialogue, is also never truly alone whenever we see him; he was a warlord leader of a huge army, he now has a jade zombie army and he often speaks to the Oogway amulet and narrates him whatever is happening, and, like Shen, he only becomes alone during his death scene.

They do tend to isolate themselves from others of their own volition...... but Tai Lung?

He has absolutely nothing. Nobody. Never had.

Returning to the colour wheel, his main colour is blue and he has ties with Shifu's backstory who, after the first movie, loses relevance for the rest of the movies. And blue itself is a pretty alien colour in the entire series (extended material included), it doesn't have any ties with yellow, much like Tai Lung doesn't have any personal ties with Po despite being in opposition, and Tai Lung itself doesn't interact much with the setting besides being a looming threat.

And it all ties back to his isolation and how it probably tied back to his turn to the dark side.

From the glimpses that we see of his childhood, Tai Lung doesn't interact with anyone else aside from Shifu and possibly Oogway, and I'm pretty confident in saying that he probably lived a sheltered life in the Jade palace. A childhood like that can inflict serious damage on a person's mental health in the long run as you don't have anyone who you can confront your experiences with, and it clearly carried on into adulthood, better explaining his fit of rage after being denied the dragon scroll.

Sadly, his loneliness carried on for the 20 years that he spent in jail. And after he escapes, he tries to claim back the dragon scroll by himself since he doesn't have an army or ways to gain allies, so he just carries on with nobody to support him and then he dies of a lonely, gruesome death that reflects on the way he lived.

The franchise itself then continues to portray Tai Lung less as a character and more as a figure of power in Po's journey, completely and utterly dehumanising him in every possible and conceivable way.

Ok, I must admit, maybe I gained a brand new appreciation for Tai Lung while writing this.

Next Part>>>>

[lullaebies]

For Aegon III/Jaehaera's requests: Aegon being nervous because Haera is having their first child and heir after a decade.

He can hear her screams of pain from behind the doors of their shared chambers.

He starts to pray the gods, despite Baela and Viserys' tentative reassurances then Haera calls for him and Aegon's feets lead him in front of the doors; the guards try to stop him and he orders them to not touch him.

They woke the dragon and the dragon will be protective of his mate and hatchlings.

When he enters, he is quick to be by Jaehaera's side

"My king you shouldn't-"

"I can and I will"

They had their baby boy🥺 and you bet that Aegon cries for the first time out of happiness, then Haera is there like: "Give him to me! he's mine!"

And doesn't allow anyone to touch their baby and you vet Aegon will wash his baby boy, much to the horror and amusement of the masters, midwives and Aegon's siblings

Aegon paces around the hallway in an attempt to calm down. He has been banned from his bedchambers for the better of half an hour now.  The Grand Maester and his accompanying midwives have tended his wife as she gave birth to her firstborn; their firstborn.

He is not a religious man, by any means of the word, but he prays under his breath. The gods had long forsaken him, laughing as they planted him on a throne of swords that had cost him nearby everything. But his wife had a woman of more faith, despite all she had been through herself. If the Seven are true to them, they would protect her.

Aegon hopes so, begs so, his stomach turning up and down. The toll of the birthing is clearly heard beyond the doors that separate them. Jaehaera is eight and ten, and they both grew plenty since their wedding, but she has remained a smaller woman to this day. Her pregnant belly had been big for her frame, he can’t help the dark thoughts his mind leads him to.

“You are going to have to breathe, dear brother,” Viserys tells him. “Births do not ever sound pleasant. This is a fact of life.”

Yet they never sounded so difficult for Larra, either, he wants to say, but he only frowns. If it wasn’t for the fact Lady Larra Rogare had left court a year prior, he may have said it aloud. Little Aegon, Aemon, and Naerys were left alone with only their father. The pit in Aegon’s stomach grows exponentially. This is a possibility, for Aegon too, and he had never trusted his odds.

Baela takes him by the shoulder. If it wasn’t his sister, he may very well flung that hand away. “You are going to look more dreadful than your wife when she gets out of that room,” she says straight to his face. “Calm down. I have done as much twice. Rhaena had done so six times. Your little wife will manage, she’s resilient, for all it’s worth.”

She’s neither you nor Rhaena. Resilient Jaehaera had been, but it hasn’t been without struggles. Aegon doubts she had ever said as much to anyone else but him, but this court had been a lonely place for her besides for him. She’s been changing it, step by step, and now labouring to change it definitively, but how alone must she feel in that room? 

Another pained wail comes from within the room. I can’t take it anymore.

“I am entering,” he finally says, escaping his sister’s grip. There are protests from all sides when he steps away from his siblings and to his Kingsguards. The bumbling fools in their white capes move to not allow him to enter, citing the instructions of the Maester, but he glares them down. He’s a full head taller than both, with a crown on his head. He has abandoned the days the Keep could rule him when he fired Lord Torrhen Manderly. “You serve the maester or the King, now? Move aside, or else.” 

The doors to the room open for him while Jaehaera is pushing, forehead wrinkled and sweatied as she does. All her attendants turn to him, but he ignores them and their words entirely.  Aegon only needs a few long steps to reach his wife, sitting beside her on their very bed. 

Jaehaera lifts her eyes to him, panting as he wipes her forehead and moves silver strands from her red-hued face. Grand Maester Munkun swallows as he moves to him. “Your Grace, you shouldn’t like to stay. Births are stressful occasions—”

Aegon does not listen to a thing the man says. “Aegon,” Jaehaera pants, fingers coming to clutch his sleeve. He gives her his full palm to squeeze. 

“—To both parents…” The Grand Maester slowly falters in his words.

“As I’ve noted,” Aegon answers, cutthroat. “I can stay and I will. Now mind your Queen before I find someone who does.”

The old man gulps in response, and scurries to his seat at the edge of the bed nodding. Aegon fixes the pillows under his wife’s head. The calls to push are difficult on his wife for a while, and he feels her using all her strength, the squeeze on his hand a testament to all her efforts.

Their child’s cradle is ready, standing by the window and illuminated by the sun. So many blankets woven for a child not yet born are laid within. Jaehaera had been waiting on the babe for so long, talking to her belly at times even, hoping the little one would hear. 

In comparison, Aegon had been almost afraid. He had worried and angered and anxiously dealt with the idea of a child coming under his wing. Broken wings, by most accounts. He has never known how his siblings had been able to heal the way they were, raising their own family in swift pursuit. Jaehaera’s losses, his losses, had made them become ghosts in the shells of their bodies for the longest while.

But he had grown into this shell, just as he had grown into his crown, and now it is their turn to rebuild. 

Jaehaera lets out a sharp yelp of pain, and Grand Maester Munkun lifts his head. “The babe is crowning,” he looks to the midwives. “Prepare the bath!”

Aegon squeezes his wife’s hand harder. Jaehaera’s eyes are bleary from tears of effort, but he feels he is the one who is in whirls of uncontrollable emotions. Jaehaera inhales in determination, readjusts her position and groans loudly one last time.

A babe’s cries deafen all other voices in the room. 

“It’s a boy,” Munkun announces to the room amidst cries of new life, and then looks at him. “A  healthy prince, Your Grace. An heir for the Iron Throne.”

Grand Maester Munkun is holding their son. Aegon doesn’t know how long he has been waiting on letting his tears fall. It could be from the moment he has been told Jaehaera’s water broke, and it could be from moons prior, when he had been first told Jaehaera is with child. There is some spell cast on him when he sees his boy writhe for attention, tufts of silver hair sticking to his head. It’s my…

The umbilical cord is cut, Jaehaera, despite her pain and fatigue, rises into half-sitting in a bolt. “He’s mine,” she yells at the Grand Maester, paralysing all attendants in the room. Queen Jaehaera, as the court knows her, hardly ever raises her voice. “Give him to me!” 

It’s their boy, first. Before he is an heir, before he is thrust into his royal position, it’s their son.

Aegon comes up from his place, and takes his son from Grand Maester Munkun before he could give him to any of the midwives. He is a big baby, eyeing Aegon with a stare of indigo. He has small, pouty lips, and squishy cheeks as red as all of his body is.

“Our son,” he says, placing the boy in her arms. Jaehaera holds him close to her chest, and finally, the stress on her face dissipates. Tears escape her eyes, but she smiles so widely. “He has your nose.”

“Hello. I am your mama,” she tells the newborn softly. The babe’s cries calm as they speak. Aegon brings a hand to caress his face. Does he recognize their voices? Aegon hasn’t spoken to him during the pregnancy as much as Jaehaera, but the nights he did, does the boy recall them? Aegon had been so afraid for his upcoming arrival, but now he has him and he can’t look away. “And this is your papa.”

It’s my family. 

And he loves it, so dearly, he will never let it go.

“Congratulations, little brother, and good sister,” he hears Baela’s voice from behind him. Both her and Jaehaera look up to her. His sister is mindful of their space, but ogles the little boy with a grin. Viserys is further back, trying to catch a glimpse of the child too. “The midwives are afraid to ruin the moment, so I must. Our prince needs to have his first bath before the water grows cold.”

Jaehaera licks her lips, rather hesitant to give the boy away. They share their reservations with only their eyes. Aegon thinks for a moment and kisses his wife’s temple before looking at all the attendants in the room. “Bring the bath here. I’ll do it.”

There are many variations of his title that come about in exclamation. ‘Your Grace’, ‘Your Highness’, ‘Your Majesty’ and so on and so forth, all complaints and concerns and whatnot. None of it matters, not even a smidge, when Jaehaera smiles at him, and gives him their boy in full trust. He holds him, swearing his arms would be secure for the boy evermore.

Because I am your father, above all else.

[starglowwos]

quick note before i start ranting: last night i started thinking. and then i started ranting in discord. and it got off track. and then i woke up this morning and had a similar thought. so this is just a stream of thoughts from me, really, lmao also, absolutely all of this is from memory, there's a good chance i got some stuff wrong (and i also include a lot of headcanons based off estimates and stuff i don't think would be a stretch), so yeah lmao this is kinda like a thought experiment or something

thinking,, thinking about c!martyn and his birthday

3rd life started 2 weeks after his birthday, last and double life weren't close, rats missed it, pirates has a good chance of missing it, and that's in the future anyway

only limited life included it

martyn… spends the rest of his time in a void, regardless of which route you take, datastream or eyesandears (as we don't know how they connect yet, they're mostly separate? kinda? idk its complicated)

so… what's better: having your birthday in the midst of a death game, in a world that isn't real but feels painfully so, or alone in a void?

in a dark void where you're unconscious most of the time, and when you're not, you're being taunted? or in a green void where you can't so much as sleep like you had to back in the world you were torn from, the world that you only have one actual connection with, your only glimpse of reality being of that who trapped you in this mess and doesn't care enough to get you out already?

martyn's first birthday in the datastream likely would've been limited life, if that's how that would work (again, datastream~eyesandears, complicated)

he's still got another good 7 months until his next one

will he be out of the datastream by then? will doc have finally figured it out?

…why hasn't he yet?

…that's a question for another day. (sure, maybe he's said that dozens of times before, but… now's not the time, is all)

(…besides, it seems like he cares. but…- no, question for another day. whatever a day even is. he only really knows because doc makes him journal for every one that passes, not because it really holds any meaning right now.)

would he rather spend his birthday lonely and paranoid, lonely and paranoid, or lonely and paranoid?

either

in constant fear of death, being able to see just how much time you have left until then, knowing it could skip ahead by an hour or even two at a moment's notice.

people who were supposed to be your friends (and perhaps were in another life) trying to kill you on your birthday, throwing explosives down from the clouds onto your party on the one day you maybe thought you'd be allowed to enjoy yourself.

(and yeah, maybe you were planning on blowing up everyone else, too, but when you're red, can you really be blamed for wanting to spill some blood?)

(…everyone else feels like that, don't they? you're not the only one. you're stupid for thinking you'd be an exception to their bloodlust just because it's your birthday.)

or

in a void where your only waking moments aren't good ones. where you're taunted and berated and ridiculed for your mistakes, where you start to believe what you're told, that you failed your one job despite being given so many chances.

the void in which you last see Them before your only anything between these games abandon you for years?- months on end, only to reappear a game later in hopes of ruining your life. and you're pretty damn scared They succeeded. (you've felt, just, bad, for so long, that you're not sure things can get worse, yet they manage to every time. you're not sure when things got this bad, but it's Their fault, you know it is.)

…you're unconscious most of the time in this void, anyway. you're not sure why it feels like such an eternity every time.

or

in a lime green void, stretching on virtually endlessly (heh, virtually… ah, this is what you've resorted to for entertainment, isn't it?), with access to all you could ever dream of?

sure, maybe not the impossible—that's, well, impossible—and maybe not things that haven't been created yet, maybe some things are locked behind paywalls you can't bypass, or, or need for accounts–

oh, did you mention you can't leave any trace of your existence either? there's quite a few restrictions, actually—no accounts, no anonymous comments, no privacy, no friends, no family, no food, no drink, no sleep, no- no bodily functions, no.. no concrete sense of self, no… fellow(? are you even human anymore?) human interaction…

well, besides doc, but he's… busy. too busy to help you get out of here, too busy to…

to care where you land after pushing you through a portal to an unknown world with little to no warning,

to get… worried, when you stay months in the same game world, because these- these missions are meant to be a, a quick in and out, maybe a week, usually less, not… three whole months, and…

fuck did that hurt, leaving them all, but… the sooner you complete these missions for doc—what even are these missions, anyway? why-—the faster you'll be out of the datastream and.. back to reality. back to.. home… you think.

(why do these missions have such big gaps between them?

why– how is doc presumably fighting CHEST all by himself (well, not all by himself, you are the datastream defender, after all, even if that is just a made up title to make yourself feel better, even if you're barely an asset as opposed to a liability to doc)?

what does global ramifications entail?

why hasn't doc figured out how to get you out of here yet?

why does he not spend any time with you, he's your only real human contact, and even then, it's flakey!?

why does he make you journal every day? to keep you sane? you mean, it's hardly working, but why?

if doc cares, it'd be more than just whatever this is. or–…

…you've had this conversation before. you're just out of touch with social interaction. players and npcs are nothing like real people. you're just… wrong. and doc's right, because doc knows what's going on, and you don't, save for some tiny morsels of information. right. …nevermind.)

this is where i stopped ranting for the night, and i pick it back up on a similar topic this morning ^^

i wonder if, in the datastream lore, rats and pirates are made by the same people or not

if doc would have access to that information, if he would purposefully start avoiding powcreations, or purposefully seek out their game worlds

is martyn spending months in a game world, having fun instead of doing his job, a good thing in any way, in doc's eyes? or is it solely a distraction or vulnerability?

martyn goes to all these game worlds for a reason, he needs to find loot shards so doc can deal with them, but how does doc feel about martyn staying months instead of days? of martyn having fun? growing attached? forming emotional bonds with people who aren't real?

(doc tells martyn they aren't real. martyn has no reason not to believe him on that. (in fact, martyn tells himself they aren't real, because if they were, he's not sure he'd handle that well.) even though players can be awakened, they're still ultimately under an actual human's control—doc's told martyn this. martyn is... a special case. (and if they aren't quick enough, his situation could lose its uniqueness to the enemy. which, if it wasn't clear, isn't a good thing.))

it's ultimately not healthy, martyn knows, but he's been in the datastream a little over a year at this point. the only human interaction he has is doc, who barely seems to have time for him, and CHEST agents (he thinks? they may just be AI), which are actively trying to kill him, whatever that would mean for him. he doesn't like the thought.

so, maybe he's a bit lonely—okay, maybe very lonely—so can you really blame him for wanting to indulge? i mean… even if it isn't really reality, what's stopping it from acting as one? he'll… he'll always have to leave eventually, but… he may as well enjoy himself while he has the chance, right?

so what's to stop him from making friends with oli the trash rat, or oli the pirate? (they're almost eerily similar, all things considered, but martyn guesses that's what happens when you get lazy devs. everything else seems to have so much care put into it, though... why would they put in such little effort to player characters when so much goes into everything else?)

what's to stop him flirting with half the players on the faction isles and being responsible for the nickname "kisstrels"?

what's to stop him having a genuinely good time?

leaving rats was hard. it was the first time he felt he truly belonged somewhere in how long? longer than the datastream, for sure.

he was really starting to struggle at that point with the crushing loneliness and feelings of unreality, if he's honest. rats... rats was nice. rats was probably some of the most fun he's had.

and leaving pirates has every chance to be even harder.

with these new scars appearing (which he would assume to be a design thing if it weren't for the fact that they stayed with him in the datastream itself), and these new feelings occurring without reason or rhyme, he's starting to feel uneasy about being stuck in the datastream again. (he's never not felt uneasy about it. he just… manages to push it to the back of his mind(? does he still have one of those?), sometimes.)

he's spent a lot of his time thinking—a lot about the rats, admittedly—why does scott feel so much more familiar now than he did even after he left rats? so many of the rats always felt familiar, especially jimmy and oli, but why does he miss scott all of a sudden?

weird feelings like that had been beginning to pop up the past few months, along with scars he has no explanation for—i mean, seriously, why does he have at least three scars shaped like a four-pointed star? what would even cause that? he's fairly sure there's more, as well!—and it's been making him uneasy. most of all, it's been making him lonely.

pirates came at a good time, he thinks.

maybe his introduction wasn't the best, what, with doc shoving him through a portal just for him to fall from the sky into the ocean, then immediately getting scammed by scar—

why does scar feel so familiar? why does that seem so in character for him? he hasn't been in another game world which used his assets, has he?

—just to go to this weird corrupted purple island and lose two people along the way—

why does doc always put him in the center of the story? it can get so stressful at times! i mean, rats was stressful enough even before the other rats did stuff like blow up the boiler!

—but... i mean, he made a song for pirates. that's something he'd only previously done for rats (and wow, was that process painful, can you imagine how hard it is to make music while being a rat and staying secretive about your mission? speaking of secrets, he got pretty lucky with the whole pirate thing, for once he can be truthful about some part of why he's here, even if he has to stay vague), and even then, that wasn't really a serious song. this one's a full on song, water made sheet music and everything!

so, evidently, it's not that bad. it's quite the opposite, actually. martyn thinks he's going to have a pretty good time here, as a pirate.

(he's not sure why the pirate aesthetic, and the oceanic/aquatic aesthetic as a whole, actually, feels so familiar. like he's done this sort of thing recently...?

and... scott. scott feels related to that, for some reason. and scott's a heron, martyn fucking hates the herons (he'd never admit it, maybe except to the rats in his boots, but they're actually not that bad. it's more like a sibling rivalry, than anything).

…does this have something to do with martyn randomly missing rat scott the past few months? …does he miss rat scott, or does he miss scott? …these aren't real people, martyn, get it together, it's fine. you're fine. nothing to worry about.)

[regulus-books]

Hero - 880 Words - @jegulus-microfic

James Potter is a great person. Regulus knows that, James knows that, everyone knows that. He does community service, babysits little kids, reads to the elderly and so on. But in his tight schedule there's not much time for his boyfriend, and that is something James doesn't recognize.

Today, he arrives home a half hour later than he said he'd be home, with bags under his eyes. He places all his items, keys, water bottle, etc. on the table, kisses Regulus' head and trudges up the stairs.

Regulus knows he's being sensitive, and selfish, but him and James have barely talked all week. Regulus stands from their couch, throwing his blanket back down on the cushion, following James up to their room. James is now on the bed, reading something from yesterday's paper. He smiles when Regulus enters the room.

"Hi, honey. I missed you today." He sets the paper down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Instead, Regulus sits across from him on the bedsheets.

"I miss you everyday," Regulus smiles back, taking one of James' hands on his own. "James, I need to talk to you about something, and you're not going to like it."

"I like everything you have to say." James traces his thumb over every little vein in Regulus' hand, smiling softly.

"You won't like this though."

"But I bet I really need to hear it. Go on, my love."

"James, lately I've felt..." Regulus tries to find a word that won't absolutely crush James, he never would want to hurt him. "lonely. I go to work, then I come home to an empty house. Besides the cats, but you're not here," James juts his lip out slightly, his eyes glistening. "and it's not your fault, and I know I'm selfish."

"I just... other people need me too." Regulus almost scoffs.

"Other people need you too? Other people... God I'm sorry James, I didn't know I was on the bottom of your priorities list." He knows he's getting worked up over nothing but how could he not? Other people need him too?

"That's not what I meant, you know that. You're being ridiculous, I like helping people, it's what I do."

"You don't always have to be the fucking hero! Those kids don't need you everyday for seven hours straight! Those kids don't clean the house everyday, cook every meal for you, feed the cats, send out the mail, tend to the plants, or anything else! Those kids aren't the person you are spending the rest of your life with James! I am! And I'm doing all of those things because I don't want you to feel stressed. I'm sorry you think I'm that ridiculous." Regulus stands from the bed and walks out of the room.

"Regulus, wait," James practically jumps out of bed following Regulus down the hall. "Where the hell are you going?"

"The guest bedroom." Regulus feels his eyes grow misty. Why would he bring it up, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut, why did James not reassure him, why isn't Sirius here to comfort him and come up with a solution, why is he being so fucking stupid?

"Come on, baby, I've barely seen you all week!"

"Yeah, not because of me. How the fuck do you think I feel James? Happy?"

"Please, I don't wanna fight. Come to bed with me." James takes Regulus' hand again, pleading with him.

"No, James, I can't just forget about how I feel," Regulus knows he won't win in the end, he'll always do what James wants, "I want you home. I need you home."

"What good am I doing at home?"

"Making me feel like I'm not alone. Making me feel loved, all the time. Just once I want to come home, and have you waiting on the sofa, maybe cuddled up with Trixie or Binx. I want you to be here for me. I don't want to have to call Remus and Sirius when I'm lonely, and I don't want them to pity me."

"I am here for you! I'm here for you right now, I'm standing right here!"

"I'm sorry I ruined your night, Jamie. I'm probably gonna go." Regulus places the palm of his hand against James' cheek and kisses him softly.

"What, why?" James holds Regulus' hand on his cheek.

"I love you, James. I need you to think about this for a little while. Im gonna go over to Pandora's and I'm going to think too. When your done, come over, I'll be there. Then you'll get to meet Luna too. Okay?" Regulus kisses James' cheek, pulling away he swipes away tears that have fallen from James' eyes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" James whimpers, his lip wobbling.

"No, baby, no. I just want you to think about the future. Think about me. I love you, I'm going to Dora's."

"I love you, Regulus. Why are you leaving me?" The last part slips out right after Regulus is out the door. What could James do without him? He wanders around the house, aimlessly. Binx follows him for a little while until he finally settles on the couch, falling asleep, looking at a picture of Regulus and him which resides on the TV stand

[sevicia]

2022 Batcat has very strong "I can fix him" vibes but I'm gonna be honest here I don't think he deserves her. Not rn at least cause Selina is 100% the most emotionally mature & responsible person in the entire movie with only like. Alfred & Ms. Reál behind her. & Bruce is literally a BRAT, he's insanely sheltered, ignorant and selfish through most of the movie and starts only becoming more aware of, like, everything? towards the end. There is a LOT of work 2 be done there & Selina's already dealing w/ enough shit on her own to be worrying about a grown man in a batsuit.

Also I do think it's interesting how the two main ships 2 come out of this movie (Riddlebat & Batcat) run in completely opposite directions. Selina could "fix" Bruce, but Bruce and Edward could only make each other worse.

Selina might've had her mom til she was 7 (iirc) & her piece of shit dad only dies after she's into her (mid?) 20s, but she DOES have a similar background to Edward's in that they both grew up without a stable, "normal" family, and had a very poor economic situation their whole lives. I do want to know more about her past REAL BAD cause we got the Year One comics for Edward that let us know he'd been bullied his whole life besides also growing up in the orphanage which was just... not ideal to say the least, but we still don't know much (or AS much) about Selina.

From what we see in the movie I think it's pretty obvious that Selina had to "toughen up" from a very young age: she knows how to handle herself, how to protect herself, and tries her best to do the same for those she cares about. The grudge she holds against Falcone is absolutely justified, and so is the fact that she all but jumps onto the one chance she had to kill him.

(Sidenote: I do like how Bruce's reasoning went from "You'll be just like him" (most sheltered statement ever) to "You've paid enough" (makes more sense and ACTUALLY shows some care for her as a person rather than for some broad, flimsy sense of justice.))

But on Edward's side, we have the fact that he never had someone in particular to direct all of his rage and despair to, leading him to hate and berate himself. Once he learned there WAS a reason that caused his life to be so horrible, rather than some divine, nonsensical punishment aimed towards him specifically, his hatred turned outwards into a far more broad direction than Selina's, causing him to all but lose his mind and start planning.

Selina is aware of the corruption in Gotham, but she doesn't have the detailed knowledge that Edward has (due to his job giving him the chance to find out), and still says at one point that she agrees with what Edward is doing (even if nothing is mentioned about the *way* he's doing it), which to me means that she's the kind of person who's just trying to survive and is just not able to fully dedicate herself to making a change and has become disillusioned with the city as a whole, which is evident during the talk she has with Bruce before they go their separate ways.

She HAS things to care about, and this sounds rude because I really don't know how else to put it, but she also has "a life" unlike Edward, who is always alone, chasing a purpose that only destroys him in the end. Him being ND plays a huge part in this; his already lacking social skills are only made worse by his environment, making his chronic loneliness straight up DEADLY.

I feel like I'm talking in circles BUT what I really mean is that I think the difference between Edward and Selina boils down to their ability to form relationships. Edward has been unable to do so his whole life, making him spiral, but Selina IS able to connect with others, and this "saves" her in a way. It gives her concrete goals and, more importantly, reasons to live, while also being the cause of her overall maturity and ability to go through tough times (because they WERE), and still not lose sight of herself.

Bruce and Edward both grew up lonely. Bruce because of his trauma*, and Edward because of his neurodivergency. Selina, on the other hand, shows MUCH better social skills and adjustment than both of them throughout the movie (I do think she had to grow up way too fast to survive, when she shouldn't have had to).

I just realized this post is long as fuuuck and borderline incomprehensible and I don't even know how 2 end it I'm sorry everyone.... I'm just spinning them around inside my head.

Also I just gotta say I think her and Edward could've been really good friends if they met as children, but that's another thing & also just a headcanon. But yeah. Let her catch a break. Basically.

*: I do think there's a strong argument you could make for Bruce being ND as well, but I'm also factoring in his economic status since it would've allowed him to receive help/therapy for improving his social skills while Edward never had that option.

[e-steamedtea]

Mild spoilers for the manga up to this point and I'm too lazy to deeply proof read.

Ciel Phantomhive is all I can think about so here's my thoughts

He's 13. He's a 13 year old kid surrounded by death and dispare. It honestly haunts me how young he is. Like I have siblings that age so when people go on about how anyone he is, what would you expect? This a kid that's pretending to be an adult. He lost his family at 10; he kidnapped, violated, and enslaved at 10; he watched his brother die in front of him at 10; and all people can say is that he's annoying. He's traumatized and a teenager. I'm surprised he's still going.

I cannot stop thinking about how lonely he must be. He's right hand is a demon. His servants are all people who have lost something or had nothing. No one there is capable of having normal conversations or social behavior (besides maybe Tanaka). I don't think he could ever just be 13 and it's kinda upsetting.

Everytime I read about someone close to him dying and the way he just moves on? I know he sad but dang does it hit hard. He doesn't know how to grieve and probably no one will ever teach him how.

He's really alone. Everyone tries, but no one is ever allowed close enough. I think he does it out a fear or as a defense mechanism. It's so much harder to feel loss if there's no one close in the first place. Thinking about Agni and Soma and how it ended and how he was like "This is why I told you not to get involved with me". So he knows he's bad news. Then there's the fact he's pretending to be his twin.

So he surrounded by people who love him because they think he's someone else. He also knows he's the "spare." Which fueled his decision.

He also definitely has self depreciating tendencies as show in the manga. When he has his break downs, we get a peak of just how terrible his mental state is. Sebastian doesn't help either so this man is really going in no actual support system.

His life is on a counter. Once the contract he has with Sebastian is fulfilled, that's it. Even if somehow he doesn't die, what would that do for him? Does he even have a will to live outside this? No matter what happens there will be no real happy ending for our Ciel Phantomhive. His story will always be a tragedy.

[heretherebedork]

Imagine carrying the weight and guilt of the death of someone you've loved, one of the most important people in your life, and realizing that you have to get revenge, you have to find out what happened, you have to find out who hurt him and you have to do this without support or hesitation, you don't care, you're never going to leave him unavenged. You show up to the school with nothing but anger and hurt and a wish to show the world how much they hurt him and how much they broke him and you don't care what else happens, you don't care what happens to you as long as you expose how messed up this school is.

Only to find someone hurting as much as you are but in a different way, someone trapped in a cage that he doesn't know how to break out or how to escape and that he put himself in willingly to save his own life at some point in the past. You find him and you see him and you realize that you're alone but you're not alone and you start to push him, prod him, test him and you're tumbling head over heels because you're aching inside, you're bleeding for invisible wounds and he is too, he is bleeding next to you.

So you push closer to him. You push him because you love him and you're scared for him because you've seen how much a person can break when they don't see anywhere to turn and you stay with him, you stay with him and he holds you through a nightmare and that love you nurtured, that love you felt, suddenly turns into everything and there's so much more you want and there's a reason to live and there's a reason to fight that isn't just the dead.

But he isn't ready. He isn't there and you don't understand because he loves you, you can see and feel it and you hear it in his voice and he loves you so why does he hide from you, why does he avoid you? You ask him, you push him, you press him and you need an answer but he doesn't have one and you need one because you need to hear it, you need something else to cling to because you can't escape the pain and guilt and he doesn't even know his mentor is dead.

And now you've kissed him, now you know he feels the same way you do but you know he won't act. You know he's the curse and that he carries the world on his shoulders and that he's afraid of losing his future and you love him and you're scared for him but you don't understand why he won't love you. Why won't he love you the way you lover him, the way you want to be loved and need to be loved? He'll hold you but he doesn't know why you ache and he pulls away and you're lonely again, you're hurting again, but you know he loves you and you won't let him go, you won't risk him, you won't let him hurt alone.

You will carry the weight you won't let him carry. You will not let him be alone. You will never see another person fall without you at their side at the edge of the cliff, holding their hand, keeping them beside you.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Bathroom scene because I love these two

Let's start with a screenshot. This is Boston's face before Nick starts talking:

"I just want to talk to you for the last time. I just want to say that I'm really sorry about everything that happened. You don't have to forgive me. I just want you to know that being with you made me very happy. To me, you're a man with talent. One day, you will become a famous photographer. Just like you want. And you're not a bad guy. Your friends love you for who you are. You don't have to change. Because I love you for who you are as well. You're not going to see me again. I'm showing up in front of you for the last time. Goodbye, Ton."

And this is Boston's face at the end:

With simple words, Nick adresses everything Boston's character is about. There are hopes and dreams and Nick assures him to be himself. I especially love when he says Boston doesn't need to change in order to have friends or to be loved even. It's an emotion we only saw but Nick addresses it verbally and it's why Boston mostly felt like a real character. Not many people understand that Boston feared himself and what he is capable of but Nick always understood. It's a special and proper goodbye. There's nothing malicious, it's a farewell because they've been good together but circumstances led to this outcome.

Boston's gaze changes from annoyed to hopeful to sad to lonely. When his hook-up asks if Nick is his ex, he just says "I'm leaving". Because Nick isn't an ex since they never were official. There's not even a word to describe it but Boston is deeply hurt. He is heartbroken and that alone changed him. Nick changed him and Boston is a different person than before. Hoping to find a relationship in the US but finding it in Thailand, earlier than planned. What the preview tells us, he's not stepping down now that he realized how much Nick means to him and how much closure stings.

Also, the way the scene is gradually coming closer and the way it's fading out also shows something very important about Nick. Once his eyes catch Boston, we see Boston with this guy from a pretty close angle.

When Nick takes a second look, it's from far away. He doesn't allow himself to pine after Boston and he knows he will need to reach closure and he feels it has to happen now. Boston is off doing his thing and we see Nick watching him while standing next to someone else. He is moving on but still looking at Boston.

After their "talk" it's Boston in the background once again but now Nick doesn't pay him attention. Nick is talking to his date and Boston watches him with sad eyes. It shows Nick moving on and Boston being the one pining after him.

What's noticable is that even though Nick watches Boston in the beginning, Boston is not between Nick and Dan's heads. The camera angle that's chosen let's Boston stand outside of Nick and Dan's space. Already a hint that it's officially over. And later he's beside them as well. It's about Nick writing him out of his life. It's about Nick literally turning his back on Boston.

[muzzleroars]

I like to think that Michael and V2 will end up meeting Mirage in a void to guide them to somewhere they will be happy and together forever after death. What do you think?

YES YEA i've been thinking about this lately.....that she meets v2 first, when it shuts down before mike passes, out on an endless beach. it's disoriented at first, though it doesn't react in fear or anger, instead quietly observant in a place so unfamiliar and so...alien. it tries to gather its thoughts and she waits until it can ask measured, but somewhat resigned, questions. she can't offer it much explanation honestly, about what it is now and even what this place is, beyond the reach of god, a place out of bounds. v2 understands that, not too worried about the metaphysical if there's no answers available, its life has been weird enough that it can accept what comes...but then. it thinks about its life, something that seems abstract and distant out here, past reality, yet it grasps at what little is left concrete. its head whips around over the desolate beach, seeing no one but mirage, before abruptly demanding to know where mike is. he couldn't have been that far behind...but all mirage can say is that she doesn't know him. it is free to wait here for as long as it wants since time isn't out here either, so it doesn't really matter. none of it does now and it's not like she has anywhere to be.

still, she tries to give it whatever warning she can when it takes the invitation, that it might wait here infinitely and forever in vain, that she doesn't even know if she can stay with it ad infinitum. but v2 is stubborn, staring out on the horizon like it might see something in perpetually gray clouds that hang over a mist and blur any hard edges of where the water might meet the sky. it's...kind of needy, mirage teases it, though she understands death can be lonely. yet v2 can only operate on what it knows, and what it knows right now is minimal, based on feeling (which is as good as anything out here) that this is its critical junction. wherever it goes now, it's unlikely to find anyone who took the same path. this isn't a world bound in dimensions anymore, hard limits that god set on it (no matter how big those once were) and if it leaves this place...if it leaves this starting point....michael could never follow it. and it can't do that to him. he's sick, when v2 let go, there was barely anything of him left. he couldn't make it on his own. and mirage understands the sentiment then, that they've been together all alone for a long, long time. it would be pointless to offer any further arguments, even the obvious "it's pretty improbable in any system, even one this random, that robots and angels all go to the same place" because. she hardly knows more about it than anyone else, and it seems v2 would stay put here as long as it takes besides. as long as there's hope, however small. machines can be very stubborn like that, so she lets it wait. she sits down beside it as it silently prays like it has dozens of times for michael to come back to it, mirage taking out a book to maybe catch up on her homework. if she ever gets back to class.

the world around them is impassable and nothing changes, v2 the only one that seems able to produce any kind of impact yet unwilling to do so. it doesn't know the time that passes, if it does at all, holding on to the little icon michael gave it a long time ago and curiously, which it never lost in all those years (it was a part of him, of course it would always turn up). yet somehow it's getting tired, the lid of its optical feeling distinctly heavy as its thoughts begin to blur in their endless repetition and its grip loosens bit by bit. so take a break, go to sleep, mirage tells it in their first broken silence in what could be days. before it protests, she assures it everything will be the same when it wakes up, and she'll even pray a couple times for it so the vigil is upheld while v2 grumbles how stupid it is to take a nap when you're dead. but it does, it needs to. it curls up in the sand and mirage keeps by it, kind of glad she doesn't just wink out of existence. everything stays the same too, just like she said, until the wind shifts almost imperceptibly and she closes her book. she looks up to see who she guesses must be michael, settled just beside v2 but letting it sleep, and she quickly understands what it had meant when it spoke of his sickness. no wonder it didn't want to go anywhere. michael asks no questions, though he does apologize for keeping them for so long. he couldn't find his way, and he's actually grateful to see v2 napping since he needs a rest himself - he's long since thrown away his pride on understanding the whole of god's creation, so he wouldn't dare be presumptuous about what lies beyond it. he just guesses it might be a long sojourn, and mirage agrees that's fair enough.

and when v2 wakes, it's greeted with a thousand brilliant shades of purple, covered by iridescent wings to help keep the windblown sand off of it. its own wings instantly burst into green, scrambling over itself to pounce on michael whose arms hold it fast almost on instinct. "here i am". it's the michael v2 met a long time ago, his body restored only so much, still with a shimmering ribcage and abundant blooms but now shining in a radiance it had never gotten the chance to see. there is no rot, no disease, and michael could nearly sob at how he can finally actually feel v2. this is his happiness, at peace with a body in symbiosis with nature and in the body that v2 had loved, the body he, strangely, had been able to heal in. and it's so happy in turn to have the michael it knows without pain, his body now warm and vibrant beside it as it feels his hands smooth over its metal, its plastic and its glass in uncharacteristically eager movements. finally, there is clarity again, to recognize each other after so many years of two failing minds only able to hold on to disjointed ghosts of memories. they're reunited after never having been apart. this moment hangs between them until they're both confident this is their new reality, however long it might last, and v2 asks mirage to lead them wherever they're supposed to go now. she lets them pick the direction and they begin to walk, v2's voice now filling up the silence as michael's touch refuses to leave it.

[findafight]

i do want catws opinions!! so much!!! mcu cap am was one of my major interests for quite some time, so i am Very interested! tbh don't much care for the rest of the mcu all that much, like ive seen quite a few of the movies but absolutely far from all of them. and like tbh i cared the most about catfa & catws and then steve and his relationship with people, idk i just love his character so much, I've done some sort of analysis inside my head of his character, but it's been A While so i don't remember any of it in words, just vibes lol. also idk how i feel about cacw, it just sorta didn't feel like His story, it felt more like avengers 2.5 or smth.

also related to steve & peggy, i feel like the thing that makes their story stay so strong Is the missed opportunity, the longing for something that can never be. it's this thing that was on the brink of possibility, and where the potential was so big and tangible, and they both felt it, and then all of a sudden the possibility is gone, it's lost, forever. idk like i think steve going back in time to dance with peggy would be sweet, But, it just doesn't move me as much unless peggy also knows that the moment is a promise fullfilled and a dream that can never be, it's one more aching moment together and then it's goodbye. idk like i thought the scene in endgame when they danced was absolutely beautiful, but to me it is a dream, and to me it feels kinda disrespectful to all of them(steve peggy & bucky) to have steve go backwards, that's not him, maybe when he first woke up after the ice, if presented with the possibility he wouldn't be able to resist, but otherwise his character is LITERALLY about getting back up again!! and then also peggy had a life?? with someone else!! and she was happy with her life! he literally knows this, he talked to her when she was old! why would he disregard that?? and then why would he live the rest of his life knowing bucky is the winter soldier and then NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT????????? idk it's just like, when SO MUCH of steves story is so closely intertwined with bucky it just doesn't make any sense to leave him??

also while i am a romantic stucky believer, truly more than that i am a soulmates stucky believer! so the stobin tws au really really hit me in the feels yk.

Okay so. What makes CAWS so good, and one of the best mcu films, is that it uses superheroes not as a genre, but as a vehicle for a genre. Winter Soldier is a spy thriller. Arguably TFA also does this by being a war film? But WS embraces it. It's so clearly a spy thriller with a superhero setting! More superhero movies should have co-genre I think. It can be watched as a stand alone, with good solid introductions to characters, to the point that it's bascially the only mcu movie I've watched with my mother that she hasn't asked "who's that?" and why they were doing stuff. Basically every other one, besides the first in their series require prior knowledge of characters for most of the impact of them.

WS doesn't? We see Steve and Natasha have a friendly relationship, that steve's a supersoldier and also takes risks (no parachute), that they're some kind of soldiers, that there's some secret operations going on. We get this! Then we meet Sam and we see that Steve is also incredibly lonely, we see him at the Howling Commandos exhibit, and sure maybe it's hamfisted by focusing on bucky or whatever but that sets it up! we now who steve is, why he's lonely, and some of his values.

and even without TFA, as soon as the mask comes off, we know this is someone steve knows. When he insists on saving Bucky, he uses the line "even when I had nothing, I had Bucky" having watched tfa before just makes it hit harder.

I'm going to be real with you I've watched civil war once and was like "this is kinda stupid? very stupid" and then stopped really paying attention to most marvel movies.

oh yes so true about Steve and Peggy. It's compelling because the could have beens. If that had happened, but then steve went back to present, I would not be mad. It wouldn't be weirdly stealing someone else's life? Especially combined with the Agent Carter Tv series, Peggy has closure for Steve's death. Though it's still an ache, and she mourns and misses him, she's still living her life. She isn't caught up on him as a romantic interests. She has multiple (they should have given us more cartinelli tbh we were robbed in s2) in the series! She had a good, long, and happy life. Steve just dropping in sometime in the 40s(?) with the expectation of pursuing a romantic relationship with her would likely be a shock, and unwanted. They both would have changed from where they left off, both having mourned each other and their relationship. It wouldn't have worked! But to have him drop in. tell her "hey. I can't stay for long. I'm sorry it has to be this way. But I owe you a dance, and it's been killing me breaking a promise to my best girl." That!!! would have!! been! so sweet! A final goodbye for both of them. The final closure and fulfilled promise from oh so long ago.

Steve had spent at least ten years out of the ice before endgame. I just. How could they slide him back to what he would have done directly after being thawed? Like I don't think even lost sadman beginning of ws steve would have stayed back. He's changed and he can't go back to what things were. he keeps getting up, even when he shouldn't! That's what's endearing about Steve, his stubbornness, and his willingness to put himself on the line to protect people. That's why he was the first and only (official) American supersoldier. He carries on, even when it's almost unbearable for him to do so.

It's so... It felt cheap and insulting to him and Peggy and Bucky. Because you're correct!! It means Steve went back to nineteen fourty-whatever and chose not to do anything about the 80+ years of horrible things that happened in the world. Especially chose not to do anything when he knew exactly where Bucky, who he had previously jumped behind enemy lines with nothing but a wing a prayer and a shield to save, who he had defied governments for, who he's nearly died for multiple times, was??? how in the WORLD did the same screenwriters and directors who made one of the best marvel movies that highlighted and used their friendship in such a compelling way also write/direct that for them? how? valuing romance over any other kind of relationship I guess?

yeah I think what's compelling about stucky is that there is so much love there, that they've known each other for their whole lives, and will continue to be (or should be) a vast part of each other's worlds no matter what that relationship looks like. They're soulmates, whatever that looks like for them. and if it's romance then that romance is built upon the deep devoted friendship they have. That's everything about them. Everything is built on a sickly and scrappy kid who couldn't leave well enough alone and got pushed into the dirt by bullies he stood up to over, and over, and over again, and some charming schmuck who looked at him and thought "I'm gonna help him keep get back up". to the point where they broke over half a century of brain washing because of it.

[lyramundana]

Hii how are u??? Hope you're okay

I just wanna know something, HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SO PERFECTLY, WHEN I READ YOUR REPLY TO MY LAST ASK I ALMOST FAINTED RIGHT THERE OMG IT'S SO PERFECT💯💯💯💯💯

Anyways I came back with another ask so that's it :

Yan! Minsung x fem! childhood bestie! Reader where she have a crush on someone else and they're like "you're ours sweetie don't you know ? No one can take you from us"and of course you do your magic 😎😎

Thank you🌹🌹🌹❤❤

----🦋 anon----

I'm doing pretty well, honey, thank you!

ajsndkndeckndkvn stop it 😭😭, now you're just trying to flatter me. I'm not that good really, I just write whatever shit comes to my mind. My english vocabulary falls short often and I end up repeating words because I literally don't know more. But putting my language barriers aside, I'm very happy and proud my last work was up to your expectations hehe🤧🥰 I enjoyed the trope and I'll love to hear more of your thoughts about this since it's yours, so pls feel free to message me privately anytime to talk about it!

Anyway, let's get to it:

YANDERE! POLY MINSUNG AS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS

Jisung and Minho have been pillars in her life since she can remember.

She met Jisung in kindergarten, and when they realised that their lunch boxes were identical, they decided they were best friends. Minho appeared on their first day of primary school, being new to the neighbourhood. The other kids found him scary and he never tried to interact with anyone, until one day, Reader noticed him sitting alone during break and eating his lunch in a hidden corner with a sad frown and dragged him towards Jisung. After spending a good while making him talk and sharing food, they found out little Minho was just incredibly shy and having moved to another place where he didn't know anybody made him terribly anxious, so he preferred to not speak much to not embarrass himself.

When school ended that day, the three of them were already inseparable for the remaining time. Jisung and Minho clicked instantly and Reader was the extrovert that pushed them out of their comfort zones.

This dynamic remained more or less the same as they grew. Since they lived in the same area, they hung out every day and created beautiful memories. Minho managed to get out of his lonely bubble and worked on his social skills, while Jisung learnt to take things calmly and rule himself. They witnessed each other's worst and best moments.

Reader had other people around her, but she only ever paid attention to her best friends. Minho and Jisung never interacted much with anyone besides her either. They always said "We only need each other. We're a team. The rest doesn't matter". She was so focused on them she neglected socializing with other people..which the boys didn't mind at all.

As time passed and the three of them remained as close as ever, they realized they needed her, on a visceral level. She was the sun they were constantly rotating around to to keep living. She was their personal ray of sunshine and they couldn't stand the mere notion of being depraved from that light...or having someone else enjoy it. As these thoughts started to get weight in their heads, it changed their behaviour too.

They sneakily isolated her from other people except her own family. They whispered lies in her ear, slowly manipulating her into believing that no one would value her as they did, that most people were out of to hurt her. Everytime she was about to make friends with someone, they cut that off quickly from the sides and dragged her back to them, all with the same kind smiles she grew up with so she never suspected a thing. She genuinely thought she was simply bad at socialising and her besties were her comfort zone, her eternal protectors. Yeah, they brainwashed her.

When high school started, both boys made sure to be inscribed on the same one as her, and with such luck they were placed in the same class. She never sat by herself, always with one of them at her side or both surrounding her, like human shields. For group projects they always paired together, and when the teacher separated them, it was hell for the other people involved.

They've been so smooth and cunning with their antics over the years that she has never felt anything wrong with them. She believes in them blindly. They're her precious best friends, her soulmates, her brothers. Sure, they might be a bit overprotective at times, but because they want her happiness.

At first they truly saw her only as a friend, their friends who belonged to them first. She could hang out with others, but at the end of the day, they should be her priority. They'll be the typical toxic besties that are like "you know her for five months, but we've known her for years" or "Do you seriously prefer to spend time with them over us? We're your best friends, you should think of us first!", or they'll make her cancel plans to go out with them instead. It's what they expect her to do. She must always prioritise them.

However, when their feelings for her started to become romantic, their attitude became worse. She wasn't allowed to go out with others anymore, especially boys. They made sure she was with them at all times, scaring off or threatening anyone that tried to approach her. What if someone stole her away from them, from her rightful place? They can't live without her. What are they supposed to do?

When they start their senior year in highschool (I got no idea how the education system works outside Spain) Han and Minho are in the same class, much to their delight...until they notice she's not there. Their protests are ignored, the graduation is this year and teachers have a lot in their minds to care for some "petty teenagers with separation anxiety." And so they're forced to endure the classes without her, unable to keep an eye on their girl. They're worried sick. What if something happens to her and they're not there? What if someone gets close to her and takes her? No, they can't stand it. No matter how much she promises them she's fine and can handle herself, they know she needs them. She's never been without them for long.

So they find a solution: Track her. They install a spying app on her phone to know where she is and record her conversations. They keep an eye on anyone that speaks to her longer than they like and intervene behind her back to cut off any potential admirers. This was supposed to remain only in school, but they use it even outside.

Years pass and they're already college students. Since they no longer can be in the same class, the boys find a solution: Move to an apartment and live all together. That has been their dream all along, create a routine for life together, as a team, as family. At this point, they're confident their schemes to "protect" Reader and tie her to them have all worked, so they relax a bit. They're sure she feels the same way for them, after all they did for her and all they went through together, she surely loves them just as much. She must have realised she's made for them. They even let her attend college despite hating the idea of not seeing her at all hours, because they trust her. They even slept together a few times already, so that means it's all established, right?

So imagine their surprise when she arrives one day and announces she'll be going on a date with a cute guy from her class. If that revelation wasn't enough to fuck them up, she adds that she's so happy because she's been crushing on him for a while now and wasn't sure he was interested.

All these words sound so wrong in their heads. Blurry, confusing, like she was speaking another language.

When they finally process it, they're furious. More than furious. The three of them have their first big argument since middle school and she leaves. Turns out that in the little time she spent away from them and interacting with other people helped realise that maybe some stuff just doesn't feel right with Han and Minho. She still found ways to excuse them in her head, believing it was all protectiveness but a bit extreme. So she stepped out of he comfort zone a bit and found out how refreshing it felt to have other people to talk to. Specially the guy that sat beside her in class, who always made her heart beat faster and showed her a different, softer kind of affection. One that doesn't suffocate you, doesn't hold you back.

They're mad at her initially but they eventually blame the guy. They blame everyone in the damn uni, for filling her head with lies and corrupting her. Minho claims he knew they shouldn't have supported her going to college without them, but Han says it was all his fault for stopping with their schemes to keep watching over her.

Then, they come up with a plan. One to ensure you have nowhere to go but their side and traps you forever. First, they get rid of the guy (either by intimidation...or something darker), then they comfort her broken heart by telling her that they warned her, that no one would ever love her like they do. Minho suggests having some dinner and drink to get their minds off it.

They get drunk, and they keep refilling her glass to distract her from the pain. They hug her and kiss her face, whispering sweet words in her ears. She's so sad and desperate for some affection there she lets herself go in their arms.

The morning after, she wakes up with hangover and realises they had sex, several times. It's not the first time, so she doesn't think too much about it, except for the slight uncomfortably feeling of not remembering everything. She stands up to shower herself...and doesn't check the trash cans, where there are no signs of condoms.

When she gets told that she's pregnant, it's way too late for her.

[livingindabisribcage]

2p!Canada Relationship HC

Another one of the lomls. I use Matt as his name

arguably one of the best boyfriends on the planet

yes, he's awkward. yes, he has anger issues. but he still treats you amazing

you met a few days after you moved to the city, and after a couple awkward first interactions he became your first friend there

you did hear about the rumors of the 'strange man in the woods' but you quickly realized matt, while he can come off as very grumpy and mean, more so has a bad case of rbf than anything else

he'll fight people quickly, but not for no reason. and you haven't given him a reason

all Matt really does in his spare time besides patrolling the woods is listen to music, do little sketches, and do lots of woodwork. he doesn't call himself an artist, but he's really good at what he does

I mean, he literally built his own cabin from scratch

after getting with you, he made his cabin a bit prettier and expanded it so that you'd have your own personal space in there. originally, it was very much only for the purpose of living in. only basic rooms that he needed, nothing aesthetically pleasing, just straight to the point

then you come along and he wants to impress you but also make you feel comfortable in his home, because once you're together he takes it very seriously and this is essentially your home too

Matt hasn't been with many people, he's been with a good handful over his hundreds of years, but that's about it. and most of the time he did it out of being lonely, and he hated feeling like that, so he stopped trying a while ago

so you're his first serious relationship in *a while*, and one that he genuinely enjoys being in

practically anything you want to do he'll try and help you do it. be it going somewhere, trying something new, he's finding the right tools or saving money to help you do it

he can be kind of stern with some things when it comes to your safety. you're not allowed to walk around the woods without him, end of story. he doesn't want you touching his wood working tools in case you hurt yourself. anything potentially dangerous he wants to be able to keep an eye on you

ik people generally think of 2ps as like evil and bloodthirsty but that's boring sometimes, so I like to think that Matt has no issues killing someone if they deserve it, and he has definitely killed tons of poachers throughout his life, but he tries to hide all that from you

it's not like he's out hunting people, just if they come into his area, he'll keep an eye on them to see if they do something dumb. and for these periods of time he'll send u back home with some excuse

he also wouldn't tell you he's a country until way into your relationship

he doesn't want things to get messed up because of it, he doesn't want to seem crazy also, but once he's positive that you wouldn't leave him just for that then he'll tell you

it does make him worry about the fact that you'll inevitably age, and he's tempted to ask Oliver if he can find some sort of magic to keep you with him forever, but he won't ask that of you. if you brought it up, maybe, but he would never dare to, it's not his right to mess with your mortality

he's not a very good cook, but he's very good at prepping meat. he's had to hunt to 'survive' before, he's eaten multiple different kinds of animals, so he knows how to handle meat. he just can't promise anything will taste great

he eats really healthy though, so you'll probably be eating healthy as well most of the time

Kuma (I like to think of Matt's Kuma as a wolf) loves you. that alone was a sign that Matt could trust you at least a little, cause Kuma hates everyone

Matt doesn't like you being around his family, but he does brag about you a lot. Especially to Francois, even though he doesn't get along with him, he wants to prove he has a good life

He doesn't want Allen around you though, at least not at first. Allen's a fuckboy, and he doesn't usually care if someone's taken or not if he's just looking to have some fun, so your interactions with him are limited

But Allen does like to hang out with Matt when he can, and Matt does love his brother so he doesn't object usually, so over time you kinda become friends with Allen too

Matt isn't necessarily shy, but he's awkward and doesn't want to upset you by overstepping your boundaries. so he'll be careful about what physical affection he gives you

he'll either wait for you to ask him to do something, or maybe initiate a conversation about what exactly you want from him, and he'll do his best to follow through

when he's comfortable, he can actually be a bit perverted. never in public, but when you're home alone he loves to grab at anything squishy on you

the only negative aspect to Matt is that he is angry and he has a habit of hiding away when he's upset. so he doesn't communicate any of his negative feelings at all. this includes if you're bothering him in some way, because it's just easier for him to be angry alone than deal with it so he might take it out on you in other ways by being extra pissy or snappy

but through some coercion from you, he'll work on it. slowly, but he will

[estbela]

Just saw your post and was wondering if you have any SerbRo headcanons?

Yes. A lot. I'm so normal about them (lying). Although they might change and stuff, since I'm still working on my Serbia OC and stuff. At the moment he's mostly just vibes (and not that different from other serbia OCs anyway). Also the moment anyone asks me about anything I tend to forget anything Ive ever thought but I'll try.

Prepare for a lot of rambling. And for possibly regretting asking me this haha. Im also sleep deprived, as usual, so hopefully everything makes sense.

They're childhood best friends. I don't know exactly when they met, but they definitely met when they were children, and so they were best friends ever since.

Serbia was like...I think one of Ro's first friends? Besides Bulgaria. I think, in a way, they were both lonely wild children who were considered outcasts. In part for being nations, in part because they were both often disobedient and stuff, and thus were "bad kids".

They were such troublemakers as kids, and tbh, they still are. Whenever theyre together you gotta prepare for trouble.

they were both huge francophiles during the 19th century, I think. Idk I just picture them bonding about that.

They get along like a house on fire. They also might have lit up a couple of houses on fire together. What's a little arson between friends? :)

They're both animal lovers! It's also one of the things they bonded about when they first met(I can just imagine them being kids and telling eachoter all the animal facts they know). If they lived together it'd be them and a house full of animals I'm guessing.

They bully Bulgaria together. <3

Anyway more about their relationship.

they...understand eachoter. Understand eachoter so deeply. They know things about eachoter that almost no one else does. They talk about anything(like their interests and such), and about shit they would never be brave enough to discuss with anyone else. Show sides of themselves they didn't even know they had.

Yet they've never truly discussed...the fact that they might be more than friends. Or well, it took them a really long time of knowing eachoter to do so.

They're kindred souls. Also slightly codependent in the way, that they've grew up together, and went through so many things together, and even when they were alone, they still had eachoter. They're kind of inseparable at this point.

Yet, they can go on pretty long times of not talking to eachoter, but then they meet again and it's like...nothing really happened. They immediately pick where they left off. Thought, if they were to ever truly lose eachoter they would not deal with it well At All.

Anyway they both eventually have The Realisation, when theyre like teenagers. For Serb, I think it's maybe in the 16th century. I think...it's not exactly one moment that makes him realise it, but rather, multiple moments of just. Not wanting to be anywhere else in the world than with Ro. Just softly looking at him and having so much fun together.

For Ro...it's much of the same, although more reluctant, in some way. He doesn't really wanna fall in love. Something she learns early on in his life is that love between nations is tricky and often ends badly, and she's already got A Thing going on with Bulgaria.

They actually have their first kiss earlier thought. They're young teens, like maybe 13, or a little more, or less. It's the 14th century and theyre both curious about that kinda thing, and wanna practice for when they'll have a relationship.

And so they do eventually figure if out as I said, and they never talk about it, never say it aloud, but they Know. They know, and even if the both of them act so brave and confident most of the time, like they always know what they're doing, in things such as battle and in general facing enemies, they are afraid. Cause at the end of the day they are young and terrified that if they admit their love aloud it might twist and burn, or worse, it might be used against them, and then they'd lose their best friend.

But I think they do things that some ppl might consider to be of a romantic nature, like kissing and making out and cuddling and holding hands. Theyre both so touch starved, and even if Serb doesn't wanna admit it, he's even more clingy than Ro is. And everyone is kinda used to it cause thats just how Ro & Serb are like.

And like. Realising they love eachoter romantically, does not really change their dynamic cause they were already doing all of this stuff before.

Also, from the outside it might look like they make eachoter worse, but somehow, they manage to make eachoter better.

Their first kiss as teens, after The Realisation, was initiated by Ro.

and theyre not really children anymore but sometimes it feels like theyre two kids again, staring at the stars, talking about nothing in particular, as if they were the only things they mattered. They weren't nations, or well, they were, but sometimes they could almost forget that.

I think they do eventually talk about It. They're both shit at feelings, with Ro being slightly more emotionally intelligent i guess. In the 19th century, because their thing that's neither nothing or something was driving both of them a little insane. And they kinda get in an on and off relationship, but they dont use that word.

As far as anyone is concerned, theyre best friends. Best friends who perhaps aren't simply platonic, who have shared more than just friends ought to. But the fact is, calling eachoter best friends is not untrue, because that's what they are, thought they are also lovers.

And they have loved other people, and still continue to do so.

I guess they might try to not be too close, at least nto in public, when one of them is in a relationship of the monogamous kind, and theyre also the first person they go to after a break up.

Back to the understanding eachoter thing. I think they'd be willing to forgive eachoter for a lot of things, even if both of them are usually really petty(especially Serb). They'd also be willing to do things for eachoter they'd rarely do for others. Theyd kill for eachoter tbh.

I know this is very random and very different in tone after everything Ive talked about but they have a height difference and it's so cute. Serbia is like. 180 something centimeters while Ro is barely 170 cms shdhdhdhs. Anyway it's adorable.

Songs that make me think of them: Bad Idea from the musical Waitress, You don't need to love me from If/Then, Across the Overpass by the Solids...and way more that I cant remember.

And that's...not all. But all that I can remember at the moment cause my memory is shit. And woah, I talked so much about them dhdjddjdj. It's like the first time i ever get to ramble about them to anyone (besides one of my friends)