#but i cant blame anyone when we still dont rlly know anything

[viofficial]

Hello i am back for five seconds to talk abt that welcome home update bc WHAT !!! i have .. so many thoughts and the current speculation isnt rlly doing it or the source material justice. im not gonna add any links here, u can find those urself, ill just be going thru my very unorganized thoughts. anyway!

so while i cant make any confident speculation as we're so early into the project, however i think the new update confirmed my suspicion that wally Is the one sending the restoration project these letters. specifically in the staff only page, where on one of the emails, there's smth in white highlighted marker that reads "-wally darling" like a signature of some sort. i could be wrong but idk who else would be doing this yk? esp in the damaged state the restored materials are in? its also indicated by one of the staff having a dream abt wally lookng at them as a phone rings. its also clear bc of the many eye and spiral imagery throughout the page.

another thing i found interesting was in the 1-14 pages, how near the end, the characters look to wally for input. i think its bc in the show ur supposed to follow wally around as he's technically a narrator/observer of some sort, indicated by one of the scripts in an earlier update, with wally speaking to the viewer. but i wonder why it cut off so abruptly?? idk

so far my "theory" is that smth happened in the neighborhood that caused wally to lose his friends hence in the guestbook he mentions he cant find them or has no memories of them, that or ppl's lack of memories of the show causes his world (or the show itself) to fall apart, which would make sense. idk if they died or anything but idk smth happened. i also saw someone say that what could be happening is that two worlds exist, one where welcome home was a real show that existed in the 70s, and one without. we're seeing the world without.

i don't think wally or home is evil, or that home is behind anything or that smth is happening in home OR that wally is stuck in home. i dont think that clown would make smth so cliche, and while cliches r fine since everyone has a diff spin on it, i feel like itd be narratively unsatisfying. its clear that wally is desperate, he wants to be seen, remembered in some way. maybe its why he's always facing the camera, symbolizing that desire? idk maybe im delving too deep LMFAO dont blame me i literally spent Hours looking for clues and refreshing twitter. its also clear that wally isnt evil bc i believe its him apologizing for the letters/materials looking so fucked up and taking a toll on ppl. maybe it isnt him but itd make sense

wally can also see us. through our fan art, through our support, he can see whats going on in the outside world hence how he's able to break the fourth wall and send the restoration project the envelopes (specifically eddie's envelopes). i say this bc of this line if u type "/a" on the website.

“I have more eyes than I did before. You know how to draw eyes. You draw mine many times. I know it is thanks to you, neighbor, that I can see. But it is still… I can’t… See."

now that he doesnt have access to the guestbook, he's desperate for diff ways to connect to us and the restoration project. he just wants to be remembered. i dont think him breaking the fourth wall is too out of the ordinary considering he appeared in an interview, signifying he must know of the outside world, that his world isnt real, he's played by a voice actor, and so on.

[p4n1cl0v3r]

hello.. im back from reading them.. uh and HUGE spoiler warning, like spoilers for everything cuz i cant keep my mouth shut.. this is also really long so im so sorry if you actually read this 😭😭 i just wanted to yap

OHMYGOD!?

ok. so. chase is burnt out, thats rlly sad 😭 hope he isnt too burnt out that its effecting him way more than he can handle,

his beach boys outfit is adorable. deacon not being on the island and chase being stuck with buddy i knew was gonna be terrible from the start. when i saw chase hand buddy a water bottle to light the fire i thought it was sweet that they were getting along, same with buddy telling chase he can have the second fish.

at first, i thought buddy was hearing the whispers so i didnt really think much of it.

the “buddy being a vampire and chase freaking out” was really funny, i found that hilarious and just chase thinking buddy was cute (even if he said it was in “a jerk way”, it was still nice and i wonder how that will go down (after the most recent chapter)

buddys face when chase pulled the chocolate out looked like a dog seeing a ball, it was adorable ngl

my heart sank when chase made a comment about buddy not being treated well and then buddy shivered.. like hm i seriously wonder how he actually is being treated, yk? like all we see of him is him being a jerk and just genuinely not giving a shit about anyone or anything (until the most recent chapter in which ill get into that in a second..)

deacon was not having a fun time with the seagulls 😭😭😭 rip deacon 😔

the way chase bribed buddy with the last bar of chocolate was so funny

chase hit buddy in the face with a ball 😃👍🏼

buddy then threw chase in the ocean and called him tiny (damn bro making fun of his height, its okay chase is just fun sized ☠️)

buddy with curly wet hair felt weird but it looked nice on him

i found it sweet that chase wanted to help buddy, even if all buddy has been towards him was rude. shows what type of person chase is and it makes me love his character so much, everyone needs their own chase lol

i know buddys main goal is to get the keys, and so it would be very unlikely that he would throw that away to become friends with chase, but man. when chase called him out on it and the shattered heart image in the background… awh man.

the small fight they had was sad, but once buddy left chase was sitting on the ground crying, i may be wrong but i dont think we have seen him crying until now, right? brb lemme go check

ok i like reread the entire thing and few times we saw him cry was when we saw him visit myra for the first time in the story (that we see ofc) and it was just for a split second, and also in the same episode visiting his fathers grave, he seemed to cry a smige more but thats all.

+ while doing the research for that, i realized that in the very first episode chase got a black eye and when he went out of the book, he didnt have it anymore. so (again ill get into this when i get into the most recent chapter and what happened then) but at the same time, the second episode was more of a “hey! this is how this mess started!” sorta thing, so we dont know the timing of it.

in the morning when chase wakes up and sees buddy, from the way buddy is speaking im pretty sure he was upset about the conversation the night before too, as he’s never been that violent with anything towards chase before. im not saying buddy is a violent person, but at the same time, its concerning a bit how he took “the two characters have an argument “ and his anger took over him and make it a hostile argument instead of verbal.

“and if they do make you miserable, you deserve it” hm i get that chase is upset, i mean buddy is quite literally being a psychopath at this point in the story, but man.. when i read that i was just in amazement that that came to mind, i dont blame the guy ofc but still. didnt go over well, buddy seemed to be pretty affected by it, which brings up again, i do genuinely wonder how the ex libris is treating him to make him so easily shaken / angry when its brought up.

buddy hurt chase. now to be fair, chase sorta (i think) kicked him and made buddy land face first in the sand etc. but he didnt draw blood. buddy drew blood, now what i noticed when this happened is buddys first instinct was to drop the spear and instantly basically panic. its clear he didnt genuinely mean to hurt chase, but he still did.

now as said above, we dont know if these injuries can travel from book to real life, as we dont have solid proof that they do. but its obvious, even if its fake, that the characters still feel it, so that must have hurt a lot (ofc it did lynx you dumbass bro is literally bleeding on his face 😒) but if they do travel to the real world, how is chase going to hide it? its a slash under his eye on his cheek, decent size too. doesnt seem that easy to cover. i mean, he does have like 47 skin care products so maybe he can cover it with that somehow but im not sure

back onto the point above, buddy’s first instinct was to (first pause and stare) and then drop the spear, making it clear he didnt mean nor, even want to hurt chase maybe. buddy is usually good with his words and with what he says, it all comes out perfectly as if he is reading a script when he speaks. he was choking on his words, “trying” to explain why that happened.

“n-no, i-“ “i didnt mean that, i just-“ “i wasnt…”

he was obviously not prepared, nor did he want to. again, he was after the keys, he wasn’t after hurting anyone.

(which this is all quite obvious, however i love to yap and i have no friends in person that also like cinderella boy so shush let me nerd out for a sec)

it kinda felt uncomfortable seeing buddy so.. what’s the word? unsettled? upset? surprised? one of those, maybe all three. this entire episode for the most part felt off putting, buddy not being his “ha i dont care, just go away” persona and instead getting pissy (more that usual) and even upset at the end. it just didnt feel right and its so obvious that after this the next story that chase goes into (if he continues) will be so different compared to these when it comes to interactions with buddy.

“youre just a scum, you know that?” YIKES BRO 😭💀💀 chase is uh yeah i just wanted to mention that line

seeing chase with tears in his eyes, obviously looking genuinely scared and saying “all i wanted to do was help” HURT MY SOUL. again, mentioned above, we rarely see him cry, and the only times we did was when visiting his sick mom and his fathers grave. thats it. the fact that hes cried now twice because of something buddy has done is huge, dont ya think?

chase ran away crying, which ykw i dont blame him, buddy’s body language was also a huge giveaway that he genuinely felt bad because again, hes usually so confident in the way he poses, and from the moment he hurt chase to the end of the episode, he was holding himself, just standing there.

also the fact that the last panel is one of the chocolate bar wrappers blowing towards buddy’s feet was also interesting. like putting salt water into a cut yk? (haha get it cuz theyre on a beach island and chase has a cut.. haha.. okay sorry)

SUMMARY/THEORIES

okay so these were a LOT to take in, and chase being already burnt out might be a reason he cried so easily, but you never know. i think buddy gaining chase’s trust without trying and KNOWING (or probably knowing) he had chases trust and just not caring and broke it without a thought kinda sucks, but as said TWICE. we dont know his situation. for example, what if he will get hurt or someone around him will if he doesnt get these keys? we dont know why he does what he does so we cant really excuse nor can we blame him.

i saw them getting along and from that second i knew it was going to end terribly.

my theory is, that when deacon comes back he will see chase hurt and upset, and buddy either will be no where in sight (very likely) or he will be very quiet and not making a single noise in the background. deacon will see chase, probably be really confused and then realize who chase was around. now, im not that great at reading characters.. unless like i study them HARD so all this next stuff just might be bs, but ima say it anyways because its tumblr.

now, i think once they get out of the book, deacon will beg chase to tell him what happened, if he didnt already in the book, even if deacon already knows without saying. deacon, being deacon, will probably panic, and either 1) try to convince chase its a bad idea to continue. 2) try to convince chase to take a break and make deacon do them for a small period of time (very unlikely). or 3) deacon will be hesitant to continue, but if they do then he will be a lot more protective of chase, and possibly look more into books completely without any sort of villain.

its obvious there could ALSO be other scenarios, but these are the ones i came up with. another is that chase could stop completely, and just give up. but thats HIGHLY unlikely as its literally part of the story and silver and bronze will probably try to support him.

now, with the chase and buddy dynamic… oh wowie. this is a slow burn enemies to lovers story, which means this wont be miserable for a long time, however it still asks the question “well how are they going to react towards one another” and my GOOD friends, who the fuck knows. (punko thats who)

however! its impossible for them to go along and pretend it never happened, because its clear they were both hurt by it. even if it wasnt completely just physically. maybe buddy will stop appearing in the books for a second? what if he’s replaced by another member? ikik unlikely. okok, well what if in the stories buddy just stays quiet and entirely follows along with his character? i feel like that wouldnt last long and i dont think buddys that much of a jerk to try and dodge it. chase? i feel like chase would try to dodge it, i mean after this he has to fear buddy a little right? they could also be a lot meaner to one another, but i also see that as very unlikely. i can see chase being more cold, but for some reason i cant imagine buddy being as rude as he was in the beginning, or even rude to being with.

all in all, i really dont know what theory to go with, MAN I WANNA NERD OUT MORE ABT THIS. 😭😭😭 (yk w someone who will actually listen cuz my friends irl dont give a shit)

holy shnizer that was a lot of words... okay well if you read all of that then we might as well be friends cuz man i talk a lot about subjects i like.. BUT YEA. WILD RIDE. WOWIE.

me when it comes to cinderella boy:

[burning-sol]

oh yeah i forgor the terrible shit i came up w/ for char yesterday. wit fren. we did little generator prompts and then i completely brainrotted and suggested a bunch of story. cw for a cult, death, mention of substance abuse, yeah.

there's not a lot of specifics but basically the setting is a sort of rural town which has a an established cult that nobody really likes but presumably cant rlly do anything abt. my character has lived in the town all their life and basically THE main part of their story is that when they were younger, they were playing with their friend in the woods, and they came across this old well, but when they were playing they accidentally knocked their friend into the well and they DIED and my char was too scared to tell anyone abt it. people tried looking for the child but the specific place was so far out of the way that no one found the body, and the cult was already an established disliked group so they quickly blamed them for it, but couldnt do anything abt without any proof, and so my char was basically let off the hook but now they carry a terrible fucking guilt.

flashforward when they're older. they're having significant problems because they're frankly very sickly mentally ill, and struggling in their day to day. a recruiter from the cult comes around to do their shtick, and long story short my character gets pulled in. they get some free acommodations but they dont ENTIRELY trust the place, so they're still somewhat independent, but slowly their guard gets lowered and they start growing more dependent. they're basically being flooded w/ so much affection that they end up pretty deep in, and they've been emotionally constipated all their life, so they spill their guts to one of the members, and for once in their life they feel like there's a lot less weight bearing down on them.

PROBLEM. shortly after they hear stories from inside the cult that someone had tried to leave b4 but had been pretty blatantly blackmailed and forced to stay. and my char quickly realises. oh SHIT what am i gonna do? nothing bad has happened yet, so they dont act on anything yet, but they're WORRIED now. of course things eventually start going downhill, and they REALLY wanna leave, but oops you can see what's coming, they're being threatened w/ being exposed if they try which would obviously turn out BADLY. so when my character starts getting so SO desperate, they do the only thing they can think of and go back to the well. it is frankly very horrifying and traumatising when they descend into it and fish out the remains of their childhood friend, probably having panic attacks and being sick, but they know if they cant make this evidence disappear forever then they're going to be stuck in the cult.

BUT IT GETS WORSE, because after undergoing their horrifying ordeal, they return to find out someone TAPED them. so not only was that devastating effort all for nothing, now they're trapped for fucking ever. luckily that doesnt end up being the case but yeah you know. they spend the next however long being in complete utter misery as they're at the whims of this group who can expose them for their crime at any time. but tldr, the same person who recruited them vents to THEM abt shit they've been through. namely that they're an addict and while the cult had been providing them substances that's kept them placated until now, they'd abruptly decided to stop doing that. so now they're actually sober and reflecting on how shitty the whole situation is and how much soul destroying guilt they have knowing that they've basically destroyed so many other people's lives.

they're definitely not a good person, and yeah they pulled my character into the cult, but my character has hit rock bottom. my character is like "no, we DONT have to stay here. we can get out. but i need you to help me. please get the incriminating tape of me and we can leave together. i am desperate, i dont care what you've done, please jsut help me". and then they probably go through whatever it takes to get out and just leave. no, they probably dont help anyone else get out (tho maybe they do spark some hope in other ppl), but they're finally out of that shitty town. and they can live their own lives.

we came up with this all within probably an hour or less. so the fact it's basically a complete story is a bit surprising. usually i struggle w/ characters stories. i guess it helps that this is a pretty simple premise.

[snonkerdoodledreams]

although tbh I feel like a freak bc I don't have a romantic partner. Like. Everybody around me has rizz and social confidence to find someone they're close to and love...and I fuckin don't. I could blame it all on having a dysfunctional family and trauma and all that but the truth is that I have nobody but myself to blame. I feel like if I didn't see what other ppl have I'd feel better...so I wasn't reminded of what I. Don't. Have.

like...HOW? how the HELL did you find someone so fucking...genuine?!?! Loves you? Cares for you? All I want is to know that someone knows me inside and out but do you know how fucking scary that is?!

I feel like a freak. I want to die. I am such an abnormal piece of shit that I can't even find someone who loves me. I don't think I experience a lot of sexual attraction towards anybody but my celeb crushes. Maybe a girlfriend if I had one. Theoretically, I would want sex. But practically?

I don't know. The thought of a random person touching me makes my stomach turn. The thought of, realistically, even a favorite rockstar having sex with me makes my stomach turn (a little less, but I still feel scared)...don't take me srsly on this, guys. After all. What the fuck am I talking about? I'm a virgin...haha...

But back to the point...how do I find someone that I can love? Nobody. Fucking. Knows. Me. The only friends I have are from school but they all have different sets of friends...my mother would never let me have a bf and gf would prolly get me shunned by her (would she go so far to kick me out? Idk)

I don't have ppls number other than friends and if I do, they see me as a fuckin nerd who acts weird sometimes (comes out of shell. I'm a fuckin weird person.) Too scared to talk to anyone...see.

Other people have like. Social circles that they can talk to. They're the kind of people who, well, talk to others outside of a school setting. They talk on weekends maybe. Text a little. Relationship blossoms. They just. Hang out with other ppl outside of a professional environment.

And I don't. God forbid, heaven fucking forbid I ever do that...I just...don't?? I don't get ppl. I don't mesh with society. I don't know the latest gen z slang or TikTok trend or whatever. Don't know what they're talking about bc I don't pay attention to the stuff they're obsessed with. I don't get when ppl are being sarcastic sometimes...my jokes go over sideways most of the time. Even when I'm talking with my best friend we just talk about memes funny stuff or just rant. Not rlly that deep...I feel like I have different personalities depending on who I'm interacting with (DIFFERENT SIDES OF MYSELF. I ACT DIFFERENT I THINK DIFFERENT BUT IM STILL MYSELF ITS NOT DID I SWEAR). So it's impossible for anyone to get to know me. I'm the idiot who doesn't know what she's doing...one of my friends knows she can tell me anything and she has struggled with being left out a lot...and she told me about how she recently got included at something and it made her feel so great.

Am i overanalyzing things? Or have I really been floating on my own cloud for so long that I think being this way is normal? I don't think it is normal to feel the way I do...BUT I CANT FUCKING EXPLAIN WHAT I FEEL, I DONT HAVE THE FUCKING WORDS!!! And my fucking therapist will probably say that it's...all in my head? Nothing I need to worry about? Maybe ur just overcomplicating things, it's normal, blah blah blah. Cuz that's what my dad would say if I told him. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS BUT I KNOW I FEEL THIS WAY. JUST. DIFFERENT. NOT FITTING IN. NOT MESHING. NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE WITH FUKING NORMAL LIVES

I feel so different and I don't know who I am. Other ppl my literal fucking age have this shit figured out (I think) and start knowing other ppl. Loving them. Knowing the other person very well. Well enough to love them. Well enough to even have sex. Why can't I do that?

Oh. I know. I'm different. A freak. A leech who wants to mooch off love and never give it back. I feel like I take too much and never give back and my therapist says that "you're perfect the way you are" and I'm like "no bitch. NO IM NOT. IM A FUCKING FREAK THATS DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF FUCKING SOCIETY." (I feel like a mental case sometimes...bc I am dysfunctional human in fact that I don't do anything normally and have fucking madd, my paraself is better than me...)

Whenever I talk about having trauma and everything, I feel like a faker. Like I'm over exaggerating for clout and bc I did that, everyone believes me and when I say it feels like clout chasing, they say it's not. Everyone means my therapist and y'all. Clout means sympathy etc. I feel like a paraself who was more abused than I was is the one talking. I feel like a paraself, not my true self, whenever I talk about shit like this and tell myself "maybe you DO have that." I just. Feel fake.

tl;Dr: rant about not having romantic partner, wondering how everyone else does it, ranting that idk how to interact with ppl and I can't do it, that I'm different, feeling fake.

[crepuscollo]

i will always hate my mom. even when everyone around me loves her and/or enjoys her company, i will never be on their side.

she shouldve established this connection with me when i was a child. not when i was a teenager. i have very little memories of me as a kid but i am so sure that even then, i didnt feel close to her or loved or accepted by her.

i always think maybe theres a deep meaning to how my parents raised me which deeply affected me and thats my “trauma”. but right now im thinking maybe i had such an incomprehensibly ugly childhood where i was so used to blaming my parents (especially my mom ofcourse. i always say my dad never rlly came into my life and i never even knew him or got along with him until we had to stay in alone in kuwait for a week together that one summer. it was really weird. i was shy and scared and awkward but im so much more comfortable now and hes so much more present.).

anyway, i was saying maybe i blamed everything on my parents because it was all i could do. and maybe they allowed it too much, like they do with my brother. its not like they could fix everything, not by magic. but i think i always hoped that they could take all the pain away, just by a hug, if i was lucky enough to get one.

i have no idea why ive been that way since i was soo young. since year 5 and 6 ive had such ugly trouble with opening up to my mom. i remember 2 specific times when i opened up about spiderman 1 and orange-f and she didnt seem to get me either time and i think she told me to stop being friends with orange-f. or she told me orange-f is a bad person… thats not what i needed to here about my closest friend. i needed help dealing with it not cutting her off. jesus christ why did she have to be so logical and religious all the time? maybe my mum never understood me or got me even when i was younger. maybe shes been making my bad days feel worse since forever, so i dont even remember putting these walls between us or forming these coping mechanisms. theyve always just been there.

another thing from my ugly childhood: my best friend. that ugly person i loved the most and never could let go of since day one, even when i felt like i resent and despise her and when i hated everything about her and tried my best not to become her and when i knew i deserved better and when i felt so alone and rejected and hated and judged and misunderstood. she was so fucking toxic. and i needed help. and my school community was so toxic. and i needed help. and i had no one to talk to. since day one. and i needed help. not a parent, not a friend, not even my sister. and i needed help. but no one was there to help.

i guess thats a reason why i always seeked attention. and when i find others getting more attention and validation for doing the same things as me or maybe less things or maybe nothing at all, it makes me feel small and less and invalidated and ridiculous and pathetic and unseen. maybe thats why i used to SH in yr7. it wasnt a way to let the pain out, it was a way to make the pain visible when i was screaming for help and no one saw it. WHY CANT THEY SEE THE PAIN? WHY IS NO ONE HELPING? WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING? CANT YOU SEE? im in so much pain.

i might not know why i used to suffer such great and unforgettable pain, or why a lot of it still lingers. but just because the reason is not clear does not invalidate me. i will let go of this burning desire to understand myself. because i dont need to explain myself. i can feel things without explaining them to anyone. without explaining the feeling and without explaining the reasons. its okay not to understand and to take your time understanding.

ive always felt like escaping kuwait would help me get better and improve my mental health and make it a lot less fucking draining to keep myself up and out of that dark black hole. maybe thats because this is where i felt all my pain, and to move on and let go, i need to move to somewhere new. with new places to see and make memories in and new people to experience things with. i need to be away from my parents and my friends and establish new, better, healthier connections.

ive really truly never written a post as intensely felt and genuine or authentic as this one. everything i wrote is so godamn real and true. god, this made me realise a lot of things. i dont think i still fully comprehend why my mum taking care of me emotionally has been tarnished since fucking forever but thats okay. i just know thats the way it is and thats enough. its valid. not everything needs a clear, logical explanation.

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

*clears throat* *pulls up powerpoint* *shuffles speaker notes*

okay kids strap in this is gonna be long probably. im gonna add a read more so hopefully that works, otherwise i am,,so sorry,,

w that lets begin

so. lets start w the basics

season 1: didnt like him. really didnt like him. i have Issues w suicide as a topic in general so when he baited midoriya he lost any fondness i couldve had towards him. then his actions durnig the battle training? hes a fcukin maniac. but i enjoyed learning more abt him as a character so whatever. i thought his confrontation w midoriya in the aftermath of that was,,interesting

season 2: still dont like him, but his eventual coming arnd during the final exam made me more open to him. also sports festival was,,,interesting, ig. i thought it was interesting how he wouldnt accept the win; if he was the same character he was in season 1, he wouldve taken it, i feel like. but he didnt. so hey, growth smwh

season 3: i thought i didnt like him, but then he got kidnapped and i got a case of the shakes(tm) until he was rescued. i rlly vibed w midoriya screaming and crying while he was kidnapped. cut to the provis license exam:

(excuse my crying abt aoyama lmao)(and also the fact that i used to call bakugou “bakugon” yes i know thats not his name yes i did that bc i didnt like him and i think im funny as shit). then,,,the scene. kacchan v. deku 2. uhh i was vibing w him honestly. hes a mood,,,regrettably,,,until he beat midoriya at least

season 4 (so far): pls stop yelling, regrettably relatable gremlin

now lets dive into what all that means huh

i dislike bakugou for the following reasons.

- suicide-baited midoriya. not only that, but he tormented him for years simply because he couldn’t get over his own private feelings; midoriya did nothing to deserve his scorn. literally nothing.

- beyond even that, is still a prick to most everyone he meets; he’s short and irritated and won’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt (at least not as first). 

- even now, he still has issues giving respect or even just being decent to both people he knows and people he doesn’t.

- speaking of, he has never ever apologized for his previous actions. not even after he finds out he’s wrong (like when midoriya tells him he never, ever, looked down on him). he hasnt even really apologized via action rather than words if you wanna try that route with me. he might be better than he was, but he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever wrong in the first place and thats not functional

- hes so focused on “winning” as a concept. it doesnt matter if youre supposed to be an ally to him; if he perceives you as being in his way, he’ll do his damnedest to fucking destroy you. he has few genuinely heroic qualities (not to say he has few good qualities, just few heroic ones); hes just strong and determined, but he’s a case study of how those qualities can be twisted as all fucking hell

- hes so proud. he is s o fucking proud. he has such an issue with pride that i cant fucking handle it sometimes man

i like bakugou for the following reasons.

- he has grown. he might not have said anything to anyone about it, but he has grown as a person since the series started

- he does have morals and he sticks to them. they might be basic things such as “dont be a villain” but theyre. something and he stands by them. hes not a slimy snake is what im saying

- hes funny. when he isnt actively bringing others down, i actually enjoy the screentime he has, bc its really funny, esp when he’s interacting w his friends and theyre having visible fun messing arnd w him

- this particular reason is hard to phrase so let me just. try and word vomit it correctly. i didnt expect him to be capable of blaming himself for smth like all might’s retirement. but he was and i,,,it adds layers to his character that i appreciate a lot. so its not that i like that he feels guilty abt it, but what it means for his character

- his interactions with kirishima. its proof that he’s learning how to be better, slowly but surely, and how to care about others properly. its sweet, genuinely and wholeheartedly

- hes not always rewarded by the narrative, and that makes him much more human to me, which i really appreciate. the biggest example i can think of is that he didn’t pass his provisional license exam on the first try. i think he’s gonna have a low point eventually, but hopefully, from there, he tries to build his way out into a better life as a better person

yeah

its just...very complex. he reminds me of myself, or at least a person i used to be. he actually reminds me of a couple combinations of ppl i used to be; just like bakugou, ive had smth similar to both a superiority and an inferiority complex in the past so its djkfjkdjnk,,,regrettably relateable,,,,,,not at the same time like he does but yknow the feeligns and how they clash are still there

but yeah. its bc he reminds me of myself i both hate him and like him.

like he reminds me of aspects abt myself i h a t e. i have issues w pride, i used to be a huge jerk (not to the degree he was, thank god, but i have a conscious now so when im reminded of how i used to be in like elementary school, i feel ashamed and since bakugou hasnt fucking,,,acknowledged,,the abuse he put midoriya through yet,,i get angry with him)

and the one guilt episode we saw him have reminded me of a very dark time in my life (2016) and its just. oh no. so thats where the anger fizzles out because i cant hate that more than i just feel pity abt it

in contrast, its bc he reminds me of things i hate abt myself that i have high hopes for him. i crawled out of the hole i was in; i made it through the stages of being a prick and then being thrust into a guilt-induced depression. im certainly not a good person, but im much better than i was

so just,,im already proof that ppl can change, but,,,,if i had a character to cling to when doubt came creeping in, i think that wouldve be great. i know im not the only one that feels like this. if bakugou can make the right turnaround, i think he could mean a lot to a bunch of people, me included

obviously the turnaround would have to be done right (and he better fucking beg for midoriya’s forgiveness) but i have hope that it can be

he has a long way to go, both in action and in word. but i am hopeful for his development. he reminds me of many things i hate about myself, but also to push on despite those things. my feelings about him are complicated due to that

yea. heres my book report sir djknkjnsknfjkn

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[jadecringecomp]

this will be added to the more updated callout when im done with it, but i feel this should be put out there so people realize just how dangerous jade is.

everyone is aware that me and jade had originally had a fallout because i said some mean things. however looking back on it after showing a curious friend, i can see jade had practically gaslighted me into believing i was in the wrong when in actuality, it was them. i believed this for the whole 5 months jade abused me.

so of course, everyone knows that jade believed i had made a vague about them which resulted in our fallout. this being the vague...

now, jade has tried to claim they did the right thing by waiting a day to come to me to let me calm down. which would have been fine... if they didnt vague me like so...

now i dont really think vaguing is exactly that deep. but the fact that instead of coming to me directly like friends usually do, they choose to vague me and then wait an entire day to actually confront me. again i dont think vaguing is that deep, but the fact that jade instead chose to make a public vague about me (we were still friends at this point) instead of waiting a day to come ask me about the vague is incredibly childish and not something friends do to one another. not only that, they go to the only person they know for a fact im having problems with at the time. and jade has their boyfriend among other friends to talk about this to, so it wasnt as if this friend was the only one they could go to at the time.

and now for the conversation that went down... (please note i was going by rae at this time)

“[jade] hey rae i know you probably dont remember and dont wanna hear this but

[jade] the other day you made a post saying ppl just use you for stuff including emotional support and it just made me feel bad? like i know ive needed a lot of support lately but ive also tried really hard to be there for you too and it just makes me kinda feel like it doesnt matter..

[me] i can get that

[me] at the same time tho the post. wasnt even abt you

[jade] i mean...i know it wasnt ALL but like... its pretty hard not to see how it wouldnt be at all”

“[me] yeah i can see that

[me] still anthony thot that like

[me] i was vageing you or some shit

[me] when i. wasnt

[jade] idk i just dont really want to make it a big deal.. i didnt mean anything

[me] then why did you vague me

[me] sorry im just. confused

[jade] because i thought you did the same??”

as you can see, i had already confronted jade and jade gives a piss poor reason, even blaming me for their actions. not to mention they can say they didnt mean anything all they want but that still doesnt answer the question as to why they vagued me the moment they thought i was vaguing them and went to someone i was having problems with instead of coming to me like a normal human being. so naturally, i get annoyed. you can see more why i say theyre blaming me once i go on further in this convo.

“[me] jade how can you tell me i handle things poorly when you do the same

[jade] what am i handling poorly...

[me] you didnt even talk to me abt it you just automatically thot i was talking abt you. again, which is understandable and i can see how but still

[jade] i mean it didnt seem super approachable so like forgive me for waiting until the next morning???

[me] wait what does that last part mean”

jade proceeding to guilt trip me by being passive aggressive despite them admitting to vaguing me right away and instead waiting to talk to me...

“[jade] i didnt say anything immediately since i knew you were already upset and it wouldnt help anything so i didnt say anything until later

[me] you didnt say shit to me and went to anthony..

[jade] okay next time your freaking out and posting stuff on tumblr do you want me to come to you with more stuff? if thats how you want it then ok ig..

[me] well im just. more frustrated you can tell me im handling smth poorly when you. handled this poorly as well. anthony literally thot i was vagueing you and got mad abt that

[me] and they want me to apologize too but idk. what im even apologizing for still

[me] how am i handling it poorly tho? like rae what was i supposed to do”

the fact jade cant realize they had done something they were accusing me of and is surprised im annoyed about it is absolutely astounding to me. ESPECIALLY since they went to someone they KNEW i was having problems with at the time when they had multiple people to do this with.

“[me] ask me abt it

[me] the same thing you told me to do with anthony

[jade] rae how would that have helped anything when u were clearly already upset abt shit

[me] like i can understand you didnt wanna at that moment but why not just. later on

[jade] i did????

[me] instead of going straight to someone assuming the worst”

whats even more astounding is jade acknowledges i was upset about something but chose to vague me right away. im starting to believe theres a reason why jade never showed the proof of these messages when they have access to them.

“[jade] so like im not allowed to express my feelings to other ppl now??

[me] not what im saying

[jade] like i didnt tell anthony to talk to you or anything and i would have rather they didnt bring me up but like. nothing i can do about it now so like.

[jade] like im sorry but looking at all the stuff youve done recently i rlly dont think you have any standing to tell me im handling stuff poorly

[me] you mean the whole anthony stuff??

[jade] that and then the fact that you made a post saying you have no friends and people just use you..like you block your friends out of nowhere for no reason like you dont have a right to say that”

then jade proceeds to guilt trip me more by saying i wasnt letting them express their feelings to other people. again they have had multiple people to go to this to and the only person they choose is the one they knew themself i was having problems with. i dont think they realize how incredibly telling that is alone.

also please do note that jade had acknowleged i made the post while i was having a rough time and is trying to make it seem like i was in the wrong despite them being the one to vague about me and then go directly to anthony. mind you, this is all just because they thought i was vaguing them when in reality i didnt and i had told them on multiple occasions as can already be seen.

“[me] yeah so uhh

[me] now Im not allowed to express how i feel at that moment

[jade] rae i literally had to like. practically beg you to tell me what was wrong when it was clearly bothering you and then you just turn around and say all that shit

[me] what do you mean

[jade] like you kept acting like you were upset over the anthony thing but you wouldnt tell anyone until i like kept asking abt it because i was concerned? but then i just see you turn around and say how you have no friends and everyone just uses you and its like. oh ok

[me] i told levi abt it and that was all who i wanted to know abt it. i literally only told you because you wanted to know so bad. but i do appreciate how you tried to help with it all like im not invalidating that but.”

jade only proceeds to try and turn the blame on me... completely regarding what they previously did...

“[jade] but what?? i bent over backwards to help despite all my own stress and then you basically said it didnt matter

[me] if youre talking abt the post that was how i felt in the moment

[jade] well you shouldve thought about how it would come off.

[me] dude im sorry to say but that was your bad for seeing it that way

[jade] if youre going to put something on the internet its really kind of your responsibility to think about how it comes off actually

[me] in that kind of state im not. gonna be thinkin abt that

[me] but thats exactly why it got deleted after a bit”

jade basically telling me that they didnt care if i was breaking down (which they obviously acknowledge) and i should instead care if im gonna piss them off or not. yeah that makes a lot of sense. also note jade is still trying to put the blame on me and at this point, has clearly finally acknowledged the vague wasnt even about them in the first place!

“[jade] its still on you though

[me] ok jade

[jade] i mean youre an adult rae. youre 20. its kind of time to start acting like it

[me] ok”

and the fact jade says this, again, DESPITE doing what they did previoiusly and trying to deflect only to guilt trip me, is VERY telling about what kind of person jade is. im sorry but if you took jades word when they told you i was shitty to them, you were manipulated. im even a victim to that because again, they made me believe that for 5 whole months until i showed a friend.

again, being friends with jade is dangerous because once you do something they dont like, something similar to this will happen. similar things to this has happened with multiple of their victims and once they see it will benefit them, they will twist it until they turn blue.

[imjustyouraveragenoone]

why u sucked

since my mind keeps replaying all the reasons u were perfect, here are the reasons u were fucking far from it.

1. ur ex drama. u dumped me for ur ex, then u realized that she was not right for u so u hit me up again. u got jealous that ur best friend was hitting me up and made sure to put an end to that really fast by making moves on me while u were still w ur ex. then u talked to me for a good period to follow thru on ur own ego problems and then proceeded to hook up w ur ex. who the actual fuck does this. stick to ONE u absolute manwhore. if u were so in love with ur ex why would u flirt with me while u guys were together, if u were so in love with me why would u hook up with her while we were talking. u literally just dont care about anyone but ur motherfucking self and it took me way too long to realize it, it took me my literal parents having to split us up for me to see the damage u did. 

2. u never made any effort to come see me. everything was on ur schedule, if u didnt want to hang out with me, u would go off. if u were horny, u would stay on. no explanations needed. if u felt like opening up, u would. otherwise, just pictures of ur eyebrow. i was constantly the one running around in circles trying to make this work. i decided to come see u in the morning, i would be the one who would come stand by ur friends at the end of the day, u never would fucking ask me to. unless, of course, it was whether u could come over to fuck. then, you would ask without any hesitation and beg and plead and do everything in ur power to make it work. don’t think i ever saw that effort in any other aspect of our relationship, hmmmmmm. no sentimental gifts or cute texts. u literally did the bare minimum and for some fucking reason i idealized u for it. mostly because i thought that most girls wouldnt even be lucky enough to get the bare minimum from u, and im prolly right. like u fucked me up SO BAD that one day u were telling me abt some girl u ghosted and my fUCKED UP MIND ACTUALLY WENT “WOW I MUST BE SPECIAL SINCE HE NEVER GHOSTED ME. MUST MEAN THAT HE ACTUALLY LOVES ME.” TF??????????????????????? mental issues. 

3. u literally sent me essays about not trusting me and all this shit that made me think that u were breaking up with me the DAY of my sat and then claimed u forgot i had to take it that day. i woke up in such a panic thinking that u were trying to dump me the day of the most important test of my literal life. why the fuck would anyone do that. why. i knew every date of ur physics tests, i knew what was going on in ur life, even finding out things from ur sister because i wanted to know. u just didnt even care at all. like ik u prolly actually did forget but if i was even important to u u would not of ever forgot in the first place. 

4. the constant dumping. dude, if ur just gonna constantly pull that shit for u to fulfill some insecurity in ur head and make u feel like u have the power in the relationship, u need help. im sorry that all ur exes were downright obsessed with u and u never had to wonder if u were the one who cared less in the relationship, but just because i didnt do that doesnt mean that u can just keep tryna dump me to affirm ur power struggles. 

5. blaming ur own shortcomings on ur broken past. i dont doubt it, but letting ur past define u is not taking u anywhere and ur just gonna end up stuck in ur own cycle of not dealing with ur problems.

6. the literal lack of any kind of ambition, drive and hard work ethic. u work hard to appear cool, to get girls, to get drugs, to do all this unnecessary shit, why u cant put that effort into simple homework assignments so ur not FAILING a class, i will never know. 

7. u had every right to get mad at me for being friends with ishan or whatever but i dont fucking think i have ever called u out for being best friends with every single ex u have ever had in fact i trust u so much i dont care that u spend literally 90% of ur time with at least one girl that u have had history with whether its roopa, khushi, and many more that i havent heard abt yet.

8. u hooked up w roopa. bruh. thats just disgusting and u know it. 

9. u always came for ME about hearing things from other ppl abt what i was up to. UM. UM??????? do u KNOW the shit i heard about u but didnt even confront u because i trusted u THAT much. lmaoooooo looking back u were a fucking clown for even bringing up that argument. sure, i was far from perfect and i made some questionable choices, but bruh so did YOU. 

10. u rlly tried to hit it without a condom. are u fucking retarded. imagine if i got pregnant. forget my parents literally kicking me out. imagine the atrocity of my kids having YOU as a father. nightmare shit..

11. u were so fucking emotionally distant that i literally took every small BARE MINIMUM nice thing u did and fucking RAN with it. looking back its so clear that u rlly didnt do anything special, u didnt say anything special, u did not do anything to prove u loved me. all u were good at was empty words to string me on because we both know that saying shit takes no effort and ur all about that no effort lifestyle. like now that im thinking about it..... what have u done for me? what have u done? said i love you, texted me a shit ton when u were horny, said a bunch of future shit and made me laugh. wow u fulfilled the basic requirements of a relationship, and since u have a nice little reputation for being an asshole, i took that as a WOW HE MUST RLLY LOVE ME. thats actually so sad that i lowered my standards THAT much just so that i could be with u.

12. u made me cry and feel so low for so much of the relationship and i rlly dont understand why i thought we were so perfect. the lows we had were downright unacceptable and u never were able to truly put ur pride aside to tell me how u felt about me besides when we were fighting or u felt like u were losing me and thats how i know that the love we had mightve been genuine or whatever, but its not the love i deserve. 

7 months wasted, lowkey grateful my parents pulled me outta that shit bc i never would have had the mental strength to do it and we prolly woudlve ended up breaking up in like a few months bc u hooked up w some unc charlotte hoe or something. yikes. what u have been up to post-relationship is neither my business nor something i have a right to be upset about so im not gonna go off on u for that because i rlly dont have the mental space to care abt what ur up to now. 

my next lover better be someone who isnt fucking scared to show that they care about me, someone that respects me, someone that isnt selfish and obsessed with using girls to fill their own shortcomings. love shouldnt be a constant power struggle and i should never have to wonder whats going on in ur life. ur supposed to KNOW what ur boyfriend is up to. its part of a relationship. so fuck u for making me drop my standards to such comical levels. 

[fairycosmos]

ur so caring and smart abt stuff ppl ask u abt, so i thought u might be able to help? if u cant pls DONT feel bad abt ignoring this! see i have this best friend whom i love dearly, and they've got a biig crush on their english teacher. they feel awful and gross abt not being 'normal', wanting an older man's attention, having these thoughts about it. they only every talk abt it a tiiiny bit when we're high (thnk god 4 weed) so yh its rlly hard for them. they think it makes them a bad person :{

hey you’re 2 sweet!! i dont think i am hgjfkdslfj but thank you for thinking of me so positively omg, it means a lot :(( and honestly i dont really get why your friend feels guilty, like they’re not hurting anyone and they’re not actually acting on their feelings or anything - they’re truly not doing anything wrong. there will be no real life consequences to this phase if they’re smart about it. it’s fine for them to feel upset of course, but it’s not fine for them to hate themselves cause of it. they really have no reason to. it’s actually quite common for teenagers to develop sort of idealized crushes on older people, especially if they have negative relationships with the other adults in their lives. and if that is the case, then it’s the adult’s fault, not the kids fault. there’s no blame on your friend’s shoulders at all. being hormonal and confused can make you process some really odd emotions, it’s a super confusing and tumultuous period of your development. but as you get older your perception changes and you realize a lot of things in hindsight and it all starts to make more sense. there’s still so much room for growth and change. your friend still has a lot of time to work through this and to come to terms with their own heart. they won’t always feel as bad as they do right now. as their best friend, all you can really do is remain comforting and non judgmental whenever the subject arises. dont push them to talk if they dont want to but let them know that you care and that you’re always there if they need someone. as long as they know that they have options they’ll be okay. and if they give you the chance, always reassure them that it’s not their fault - romantic feelings aren’t a reflection of who you are as a person - and they won’t always feel as strongly as they do at the moment. it’s all temporary, and your friend will learn from the experience, honestly. you being a shoulder to cry on is probably helping them out more than you realize, you know? and it’s all you can really do, anyway. no matter how awful it is, we can’t save the people we love from hurting, we should just be there for them when they are. cause it’s inevitable. i’m v sorry that you’re both dealing with such a stressful situation, but i’m sending you a lot of love and i know that you’re capable of moving forwards. just take it a day at a time. let it be what it is, for now. and dont hesitate to hit me up if you want to talk about it properly. i’m always here. 

[ofjcsie]

werd. it meme, kayla, with yet another muse. this is my bad bitch josie, lets get to know her shall we

「 ISKRA LAWRENCE, CISFEMALE, TWENTY-FOUR, JESY NELSON. 」┈did you read that latest viral gossip issue on JOSIE PRYOR? she is the VOCALIST in ETHEREAL, one of my favorite POP groups. they’ve been releasing music for ONE YEAR now, but viral gossip has only been talking about them for the last YEAR. get this, i think i heard SHE MARRIED A STRANGER IN LAS VEGAS. they’re known as the THE CATACLYSMIC of the music industry, since they have a rep for being BENEVOLENT but TENACIOUS, but who knows. maybe that will change once they become #1.

firstly im gonna apologize if this is all over the place. im gonna try to organize it but i cant make any promises.

BASICS

full name is josephine iridessa pryor, but goes by josie for the most part

named after her maternal grandfather, joseph.

originally from tallahassee, florida. ur basic suburban middle class white family. one older sister. her mom owned her own bakery and her dad was a paralegal.

ex high school cheerleader

one tough cookie

AESTHETIC

leather jackets, skin tight jeans, fishnets, roses with the thorns still on the stem, red nail polish, fangs, messy hair, scars covered by tattoos, the moon at midnight, high heeled boots, dancing like nobody’s watching, and structured handbags.

HEADCANONS (?)

literally ppl are always like “josie can’t sing. she’s inconsistent.” or “she’s the ugly one” or rlly mean Ugly comments about her body and just general ugly body shaming. like she Knows she’s not the same size as her bandmates but like ???? she loves herself??? it took her a long time to get to this self love level and she loves her girls so she’s always telling people to fuck off

literally gets in trouble with management for telling body shamers in her comments or ppl that are generally rude to her and/or ethereal to fuck off. probably has blocked some accounts (even stan ones sdscdcs) like jesy has

cute but will 1000000000000% fight u if u make her mad, say bad things about ppl she cares about, or start body shaming

body posi, self love, and self care activist and supporter of the #metoo movement as it relates to her past

since her mom had a bakery, she worked there in hs and knows her way with cupcakes

hates wine & has never done hard drugs

i rlly cant stress enough how she will fight anyone and everyone for being an asshole

Straight (shes like my only straight character it’s Wild)

never had a serious relationship because she’s always been guarded but she has been in love, or at least thought it was love

curvy > plus sized bc she is by no means “plus” and knows this. by measurement/fashion standards she is between straight size and plus, so just go with curve/curvy

DETAILS (?)

TRIGGER WARNING FOR BODY/FAT SHAMING & SEXUAL ASSAULT:  josie’s curves developed faster than other girls her age, so even in like 6th grade ppl were calling her rlly ugly names because her hips had grown and saying things about her, even going as far as slut shaming and oversexualizing her developing body like gross. around this time someone she thought was a friend would repeatedly touch her without her permission (also she was like 13 and knew absolutely no better than ‘uh he’s my pal so i guess it’s alright if he touches between my legs when i dont want him to). it rlly tore her down and she felt like she was nothing. that low self esteem rlly followed her into high school. the bullying kinda morphed more into unwanted glares from boys, girls calling her a sl*t, and ppl just being generally mean because of her body shape. her sophomore year she tried out for the jv cheerleading squad bc she really just wanted to be involved and have school spirit, plus she had a friend who was doing it. things were rad, she made the team, all was good, she rlly liked it and even wanted to go out for varsity the next year. junior year came around and she was on jv again, but their coach ended up quitting so the trainer stepped in. he was nice to all the girls bc he’d known them and was working with them but rlly this was just grooming tbh, like he kinda made it seem like he was hte only one in their corner if they were having problems. she got a weird feeling from him but folks were just kinda like “eh you’re over-reacting, it was just a hug” but when they went away to cheer camp it was like damn what a change. he got a little bit violent and ut was just generally a Not Fun experience, like yelling at the girls and embarrassing them to the point where other coaches and such were like “uh he needs to chill tf out”. to make everything worse one of the nights he knocked on the door of the room josie was staying in, saying he wanted to talk to her, she let him in and long story short he got handsy. when she told school authorities what happened, it was her word against his, but after testimony from teammates about his behavior at camp and everything, the school gave him an ultimatum: resign or be fired and go to court.. lmao guess which he took. so basically he got away with molesting her and being an abusive bag of dicks. END OF TRIGGER

for a long time she blamed herself bc she thought she was too naive or maybe if she hadn’t opened the door, or it was all her fault and she let it happen. sometimes she still has self doubt moments where she thinks about “but what if....” or she says “at least it wasn’t as bad as...” she’s very passionate about the metoo movement tho, and abusers being held accountable for their actions (no matter their gender or sexuality)

she doesnt really talk about what happened in detail, but she has been vocal about the metoo movement and she stands with her #MeToo sisters because she’s been there

since cheer was like “aha nop never again” senior year she got involved in the drama club. she’d sang in church choir before, but nothing Super Serious. but the fall production of grease really caught her eye, so, she auditioned and voila, Sandy. 

after graduation, she started community college in musical theater, still working at the bakery but she fuckin wanted to leave florida (dont... we all??) so she used the money she saved from the bakery, bought a one way bus ticket, and ended up in austin texas... not exactly where she wanted to be, but it was out of florida.

she started singing at bars and trying to get involved with local small theater productions/companies, but that really just was not cutting it. so she asked her dad for some moolah and she moved to los angeles. for a long time she lived in a very very shitty apartment complex (if u rememerbr YEARS ago there was a show on the cw called the complex... it was about struggling young actors/musicians living in one place.. lowkey it was good but it got cancelled before season 2 wow shocker amirite) her agent was kinda bad, like joey’s from friends, but the one thing he got right was booking her an audition for a new girl group that a label was putting together. and boom, ethereal.

AS for the vegas thing lmAO.... i’ve been feeling like it was kind of recent. like, ethereal had already formed or was right at the beginning of the four girls coming together. (i still gotta work out those kinks) but essentially she went to vegas and on a Wild night, married a stranger. all she remembers from the memory clips are they met at the casino, there’s a chapel, back in her hotel room, a charge on her credit card for the honeymoon room service package, and the next morning she woke up alone in bed with a huge fuckin headache and a cheap ring on her finger. she was 22 and dumb. but aint we all?? she’s still technically married, but does NOT wear a ring or talk at all about having a husband because she doesnt know the dude. like literally can’t find him lmao, can’t find him to get that shit annulled or file for divorce. therefore, technically married.

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS

i dont have a Ton but some that i’d love to have established are a mentor (probably someone who is older or more accustomed to fame), a roommate or ex-roommate (could be multiple), a celebrity crush (again, probably more fmaous), someone she tells everything to (they’d probably know about the vegas thing and her history regarding sexual assualt)

other than that, hmu or like this if u wanna plot??? im down for anything????

[whydontwelovely]

Skin - Z.H.

Requested: yes, by @why-d-we for prize for contest!!

Pairing: Zach x Reader

Warnings: angsty , cursing , short(kinda) , abbreviations during texting convos

A/N: idk if this is what you were looking for ... enjoy !! :)

Summary/plot: “Our relationship is like skin. Once it dries, it cracks. Once it cracks, it bleeds. In our situation we don’t have a bandaid to fix us.”

You walk along the busy streets of LA looking for your boyfriend, Zach. You check your phone, 11:30 pm. He was supposed to be here over an hour ago.

You check your location, making sure you were at the right place before calling him. Voice mail. You relent and decide to text him.

You: hey where r u ?

Ten minutes go by...

You: did u get my calls ??

Then thirty...

You: pleeeaaassee reply

You: forget it. im omw to ur house :(

Induced with frustration, you hail a cab and make your way to Zach’s house, in which he shares with his friends.

You walk up to his door, but before you could knock, Zach opens the door.

“Where were you?!” you hiss.

“What? Sorry, I didn’t realize I had to be somewhere...?” he rolls with sarcasm.

“Our date!”

“Our what now?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know! You and I both know we had this date planned for weeks! Weeks! Why didn’t you answer my calls?!”

“Geez, babe. My frickin’ phone was dead, chill.”

Still in the doorway, Zach steps out and shuts the door, crossing his arms defensively, making his shadow dim in the night.

“Why are so sad when I happen to miss something? I’m human. I forget things, okay?” he says.

“I’m not sad, Zach, I’m frickin’ mad.” you spit.

“Chill, it’s just one date!”

“Why don’t you care?! This isn’t the first time you-“

“I what?” he interrupts, flustering you.

“You...you...this isn’t the first time you’ve fucked up our relationship.” the words come out like hot blades, and you could tell Zach was stabbed by them.

He goes silent and looks around before talking again.

“I? I fuck up our relationship? All you ever do is whine and complain like any old brat would!” this time, his words pierce through you.

“Fine. If I’m such a brat then why don’t you just break up with me?”

He laughs, but nothings sounds funny.

“Okay,” he says. “We’re done.”

You stand there in disbelief, wishing to take back your rhetorical request. You begin to walk away, but turn around.

“You know Zach, our relationship is like skin. Once it dries out, it cracks. And once it cracks, it bleeds.” you snarl. “And in our situation there’s no bandaid to fix us.”

He stands there, staring blankly at you.

He whispers, “That’s the dumbest thing I-“

“It’s not dumb, Zach,” you yell, surprising him that you heard what he said.

He uncrosses his arms, blantly calling defeat.

“It’s not dumb, if you let us bleed. It’s not dumb if all I could do was watch us fall apart!” you were crying now, your voice slightly breaking as you yell.

Zach kept his position, saying, “Go.”

“What?!” you say.

“I said go!” he screams loud enough for practically anyone to hear. Even his friends came outside.

He keeps his position still, tears slowly streaming down past his cheeks, sad to see you go. He wants to scream. He wants to tell you to come back. But like you said, there’s no bandaid to stop the blood from flowing.

“Here,” Daniel jumps out from behind the boys, walking toward you. “I can drive you home.”

His whisper is soft and flowly heard next to your shoulder. You nod and follow him to his car.

The other boys step back inside, but Zach stands on the porch, same position, while tears leak out of his eyes as if it was his own skin that was bleeding and the tears were blood. But no one would be able to see that, due to the icy shade of darkness in the midst of the night. To him, the sight of you alone and less vulnerable with Daniel is almost as excrutiating as you leaving him.

The ride home with Daniel is quiet. He often takes looks at you, your eyes bloodshot and weary from crying. You turn your head so he doesn’t see.

He takes his free hand and holds yours with it. They are softer and more comforting than Zach’s.

The thought of Zach makes you cry even more. Daniel squeezes your hand tighter and says calmly, “It’s okay. He’s gone. You’ll be alright.”

The words toss and turn inside your head.

It’s okay, He’s right. You are safe now.

He’s gone, Is he talking about Zach? Or maybe Zach’s actions?

You’re safe now, You definately feel safe next to Daniel. Is it because of him, or because anything could feel safe after Zach?

Meanwhile, Zach sits on the couch, head in hands, sobbing. After an hour of Daniel not being back, he tries texting him.

Zach: bro where r u ? its been an hour 👀

Ten minutes go by...

Zach: i need 2 talk w u

Then thirty...

Zach: r u still w y/n ? ik u r

Zach: if u r, tell her im srry that i fucked up our relationship. i should have been the bandaid to fix us rather than b the crack that broke us.

Knowing that Daniel won’t reply anytime soon, he texts you.

Zach: im srry

Zach: u prob think im a dick

Zach: dont blame u

Zach: i love u, gn

No reply ... yet.

You: i accept ur apology

You: i still cant b w u, u have 2 understand that. apologies are not bandaids

Zach: just know that i do love u, tho. i rlly rlly do.

THE END