#but i had a weird dream where tumblr got another update

[qulizalfos]

hello liza i hope ur concussion gets better soon pls don't die ❤️❤️❤️❤️ ily ily sending you heated blankets and spring water okayyyyyy 💕💕💕💕💕

HELLO BEE MY BELOVED thanjk you so much!!!! as of right now i can confirm that i have not died yet (or gone into a coma?[thanks for that google<3]) and do not plan to<333333333 but fr i am feeling a lot better!!!!!! ilysmmm i recieved the blankets and water btw and i am cherishing them forever MWAH

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Holy shit, y’all are insane. My tag list is over a HUNDRED (wtf y’all I’m kissing every single one of you on the forehead it was EIGHT before this) and the first part got over 800 notes in 24 hours. I love y’all 😂 With that being said though, Tumblr only allows for 50 mentions per post. So I’m drafting another post with the other 50-odd mentions that I’ll link this to. Unfortunately I’m not willing to make more than two posts, meaning my tag list is officially CLOSED. I’m so sorry, y’all, please know I love every single one of you SO much!! If you’d like to follow along and didn’t make it onto the taglist, go ahead and follow the ‘#if I should stay’ tag. I’ll make sure to use this tag for every update! Thank you all SO SO MUCH!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ and if you want to be dropped from the taglist, that’s fine too; just let me know! ❤️

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Steve is terrified.

Honestly, after the Russians and the Upside Down and everything else, Steve thought he’d never be scared again.

Then he woke up in school in 1984.

He looks around, wide-eyed, only to stop when Tommy and Carol look at him weirdly. “Uh, Steve?” Carol asks. “You look like you’re about to puke.”

Full of tact, just like always. He shakes off the feeling of wrong crawling on his skin and smiles at her. “I’m fine,” he says, when nothing could be further from the truth.

She opens her mouth to respond. Steve breathes a sigh of relief when the bell goes off, only for him to realize he has no idea where he’s going.

Thank God for Carol, apparently, because she throws her head back with a groan. “Math,” she complains. “I hate math.”

Steve feels a zing of recognition dart through him. He had English while she was in math. They used to complain about it between classes.

He feels excited when he realizes Robin will be in this class, then just as suddenly excitement turns to nausea when he realizes she might not remember him.

He walks into class, trying to keep his hopes down, and briefly makes eye contact with her.

She’s doodling in a notebook, looking around the room. Their eyes meet.

Robin’s pencil lead snaps.

Steve freezes.

He opens his mouth, he’s not sure for what, but she shakes her head slightly.

She stands and makes her way towards him before her eyes flutter back in her head and she drops.

She would’ve fallen on the ground if he hadn’t caught her. Whispers start up, enough to get the teacher to look up. “Mr. Harrington,” she says. “I’m not sure what dance moves you think you’re trying, but I will remind you this is an English classroom.”

“Yes ma’am,” he says. “Um. She passed out. I think I should probably take her to the nurse.”

She leans over her desk to peer first at Steve, then at Robin, who still has her eyes closed. “Very well,” she says. “I’ll give you a hall pass. Please ensure she returns once her little spell has worn off.”

He nods, shifts Robin completely into his arms, and walks out of the classroom.

He walks down the hallway and stops by an empty classroom, darting in when nobody’s looking. “Robs,” he chokes, and her arms are around his neck and now he’s choking for an entirely different reason.

She’s shaking, and he feels hot tears land on his shoulder, and he knows she feels the same from his tears. “I thought-”

“I know,” Steve whispers. “I thought the same. I woke up and I was with Tommy and Carol again and I didn’t know what was going on and I was terrified you weren’t gonna remember me.”

“Jesus,” she says. She’s laughing a little, through her tears. “Imagine how I felt, waking up in Mrs. Click’s class. Thought I’d had a weird fever dream. Then you walked in, and…”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Jesus, Robs, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Right back atcha, Dingus,” she whispers, which really just makes his tears start all over again. “Who else do you think knows?”

Steve sighs. “I don’t know. And other than asking them, and risking getting sent to a padded room…”

“Yeah.” Robin sighs.

“Oh, fuck,” Steve says, tensing up.

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m still with Nancy.”

I tried to tag everyone who wanted it… I’m so sorry if I missed you! Once again I’m so sorry about closing the taglist. Thank you for understanding! ❤️

Permanent Taglist: @justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch @suddenlyinlove @nburkhardt @artiststarme @paintsplatteredandimperfect @i-less-than-three-you @alyelf @quarble @messrs-weasley @littlewildflowerkitten @vankaar @starman-jpg @bornonthesavage @steddie-there @goodolefashionedloverboi @andienotannie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @platinum-sunset @just-ladyme @steddiestains @swimmingbirdrunningrock @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @martinskis-lydias @notaqueenakhaleesi @sleepyboosstuff @bestwifehaver @m-owo-n @thatonebadideapanda @finalmoondragon @velocitytimes2 @callmeanythjing @ajeff855 @ilikeititspretty @knitsforthetrail @sillysparrow @that-one-corvid @ace-is-bored @local-writers-corner @harpymoth @weirdandabsurd42

@paperbackribs @ninjapirateunicorns @bisexualdisastersworld @hiscrimsonangel @lolawonsstuff @xo-r4e @thedragonsaunt @l0st-strawberry

Fic Taglist: @blondlanfear @do-you-want-something-more @little-gae-shit

Me @ all of you:

[fandomsbyladymelodrama]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I haven't been tagged in this one (yet) but I'm in a major procrastination mood this morning so answering tumblr questions is currently way more appealing than actual writing so let's do this XD

How many works do you have on AO3? 67 1/2 - the 1/2 is because I have a very little Obidala-ish thing which is currently sitting in my files waiting to be published when I find an extra minute (like right now, for instance, except that I'm doing a survey instead oops ;))

What's your total AO3 word count? Ummm...let's just say if I had a dollar for every word of fanfic I've ever written, my bank account would be very, very happy.

What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Game of Thrones. But my full fandoms list has 25 unique fandoms, some major, some minor, and some where the entire tag is owned by me.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Île Aux Ours, Jamais T'oublier, Sunrise on the Jade Sea, La Nuit Venait, The Heir of Riverrun which are all Jorleesi fics except for THOR, which I'm pleasantly surprised to find so high in the rankings (although to be fair there's Jorleesi in that one too :)). And just because I was curious, my top five excluding any Jorleesi content are: New World Symphony (Vicbourne - oh I loved them so, history be damned), Dreams and Dragonglass (Viserys x Alicent from HotD), A Girl, A Drowned Man (ahem, Jaime Lannister x Arya Stark - don't even ask XD), over time and tide and death leaping (Obidala4Ever <3), and Easily onward, thorough flowers and weed (Siegfried x Audrey from the new All Creatures Great & Small - S5 is our season friends, I can feel it)

Do you respond to comments? Yes, all of them (except for the obvious trolls). I heart my readers and have had such good times in the comment section <3 Speaking of which, I'm behind with replies again. Just know my inbox is glaring at me.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ummm, that's a hard one because I usually reach for the fluff endings with both hands. But I suppose...right now it's got to be my Hunger Games fic, and she gained the willow tree. I mean, it's intensely angsty, even more so than the source material, and may remain that way forever (at least until I update it and fix what I broke lol)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost all of my Jorleesi fics have unabashedly happy endings but I think Île Aux Ours edges out the others just because basically everyone (spoiler alert: except for Viserys, Rhaegar and the Night King) live! And all my ships survive! And House Mormont is flourishing! And the Seven Kingdoms are at peace for once! (at least until I write the sequel ;))

Do you get hate on fics? Only on the Game of Thrones fics, and relatively speaking, very, very rarely. It was slightly more common right at the end of Game of Thrones (people had feelings) but it's almost completely died off in recent years...which is a relief. Because trolls are easily ignored but they don't make anyone's day brighter.

Do you write smut? Again, rarely. But, ya know, sometimes things happen ;)

Do you write crossovers? Yes, but usually it's not what I would consider a true crossover. More me adapting one film/series to the setting/plot/characters of another. The only true crossover I've ever written is, I believe, this one: light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling (where Tom Bombadil and Melisandre of Asshai meet up and make a trade - sometimes writing brains are weird)

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge?

Have you ever had a fic translated? Again, not that I know of? Although I had a reader request permission to translate a couple of my Jorleesi fics into Russian so that may have happened and I just never received a link from them.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Ohhhh, yesssssss. My forever partner-in-Jorleesi-crime is @salzrand <3 9 fics and counting :)

What's your all-time favorite ship? Based on my writing activity over the last 5-6 years, I think there's really only one correct answer here and it's the lobsters. A bear and his dragon-girl. A princess and her steadfast knight. They're perfect, they're dreamy. And forever inspiring. I cannot. But other than Jorleesi, I have to give top billing to Jane/Lisbon, Obi-Wan/Padme, Dickon/Mary, Jean Valjean/Fantine, Christy/Neil, Lexie/Mark because these are ships that have stayed with me for at least a decade or longer and are part of my DNA at this point.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Ugh. Don't talk to me about unfinished fics. They judge me with their Chapter 1/? eyes. They glare at me disapprovingly each time I log into AO3. And I know that there are a few that have been waiting on an update for a long, long time (and some of you have probably given up hope that I'll ever return to them), but never say never...at least until I'm dead XD

What are your writing strengths? I think I have a flair for writing scenery and believable multi-generational family dynamics. I also think I'm fairly good at fixing canon disappointments with some fun and unique twists (it's the soap opera training, I swear XD). I try to keep dialogue very natural, characterization at least partly canon-based and do a lot of research for my fics on time-period details, with mostly successful results...lol well, that's the hope anyway. And I think another strength that has made me successful in writing age-gap ships especially is that I can write character relationships in a way that might go beyond the whole attraction thing and touch on deeper connections (or something).

What are your writing weaknesses? Endings. Aren't they everyone's? Titles. And my pacing can be off sometimes. I think I get away with it in fic-writing for the most part but I have a few fics that aren't as "tight" as they could be. There are a few words/phrases that I rely on too much. And I'm sure I have a bunch of others that I'm unaware of.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I haven't done this much and I really don't venture outside French if I try it. I rely on friends who are native speakers to make sure I'm not saying anything off the wall.

First fandom you wrote for? Titanic 😍 I had to save Thomas Andrews. He looked so sad and despairing winding that clock at the end. I should have probably saved Leo too but let's just assume in my version, Kate scooched over let him share the door XD

Favorite fic you've written? Impossible to choose. I love them all. Okay, okay, Sunrise on the Jade Sea. But only because you're forcing me to answer <3

Tagging: @clarasimone @gettingovergreta @toas-tea @bridgr6 @crushermyheart @heatherfield <3 Or be like me and tag yourself ;)

[lunabsolem]

i went from getting a cjo from this industries top rated company in the US, to getting it rescinded (over a silly mistake of missing an email). one would normally be upset but i remained optimistic. earlier this month i got news i was invited to an interview from one of this industry’s top rated company in the world 🫨😱.

the previous company that rescinded their job offer told me i could reapply in 6 months but at this point, i’m not even considering it. i’m convinced everything happens for a reason and the universe purposefully hid that email to get me where i am. lesson 1 on BEING DELUSIONAL. visualize it: i am sitting here living as if i already booked the job. speaking through the tumblr void & into the universe that this. job. is. mine. i booked it already & am packing my bags, getting ready to move !!!!!! 🧳🫡

UPDATE (april 2023): i got the job & plan on moving in the next few months to Dubai 🤪🥳

UPDATE (october 2023): i somehow managed to get this second CJO rescinded again lol. it took the passport center 6wks to tell me that i used the wrong form so i had to reapply and wait all over again. by the time i had my passport in hand, the company rescinded their offer. i had already stopped working my previous job which i could for sure go back to but i convinced myself it would feel like i was moving backwards. for a second there i felt stuck. extremely uncertain. but i am aware of the power we hold within, so i prayed about it. fast forward to now, i have a CJO doing the same job as my first two offers. there’s a base in Houston (which niether of the other companies offered). & i’ll probably move to another state just because i’m tired of living in texas, but it’s nice to know that should i ever want to come back to live near my family i can. in the meantime have been making money bartending which has been a blast! it feels like a joke, honestly. part of me can’t believe i get paid to hang out / talk to people. make drinks. my regulars always tip me really well and one even bought me a guitar case !! i��ve also been offered to do singing gigs at a high end restaurant & also stumbled upon a community of musicians that live out of campers on land in the middle of the woods that just hangout and make music together. my life feels like a weird dream i don’t want to wake up from. im no longer stuck and honestly feel the happiest i’ve ever been. life is good.

[biancaateee]

Currently- laying on my bed at 9:50pm, finally. I planned to stretch while I blog my feelings but Now that my head is on my pillow I don’t think I will.. lol.

Anyways, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here to spill out all my weird, sad, empty feelings. I figured I’d update tumblr since In a way my tumblr is my diary, Even though it’s public, I don’t think anyone actually reads these. So back to my current status, yes I am still laying down. I finished a 8 hour day at my job (which I’ve switched recently, 6 months ago) and after that 8 hour work day, I hit the gym for about 2 hours. I drove home in the pouring rain, it’s raining today, obviously. Got home, made me a protein shake for tomorrows breakfast and had some left for my post work out Saturday morning. Also made me a sandwich for lunch. I packed for tomorrow’s work day since I plan to hit the gym at 5 am before work. I plan to do this because I have a dinner to be at tomorrow evening and I really don’t want to skip a gym sesh. So moving on, I’ve packed for tomorrow and now Im laying here typing this all up for no freaking reason.

My current physical and mental health is way better then it was a year ago. I thank God for that. Like I mentioned before, I hit the gym for 2 hours after work today. I’ve been doing this consistently since February, so 6 months. I feel a bigger difference in my energy and in myself. Though physically being a little happier with myself I’m still so empty. These last 6 months I’ve realized that I wasted A LOT of time on unnecessary shit. I get so mad about it honestly. I think that’s why I still haven’t learned to love myself the way I should. I think me being so prioritized in other stuff like drinking, partying, smoking, eating, it really took a toll on me. Now that I’ve kindaaaa matured in some aspects, I wish I could go back even 2 years to make it up. Maybe I could’ve been closer to finishing my first part of school. Oh yeah, I’m trying to get back into school. It’s a process right now since I fucked up pretty bad, TWICE. So now I’m waiting to be interviewed, once I’m interviewed and hopefully passed to taking some classes, I can finally start my educational journey, forreal this time. I’m pretty nervous and excited at the same time. I’m hoping I can really discipline myself to get it done. Crazy, I had to fuck up not once but TWICE, to actually realize how much education really makes a difference.

I feel like a year ago, the same people who were important to me then are the same people who are important to me now, and who have been for years. I don’t have manzzzz, which kinda gets boring, but I’m alright. I do want love, but real love. I see couples these days and all their flaws and I get SOOOO turned off. Like even my ex, he still hits me up and he has a girl. Which on my end, I’ve lead him to think he could. But whatever, the point is, I see others in their relationships and I’m terrified. I don’t want another toxic, one sided, relationship. I want that love that makes you feel like nothing bad could ever happen. Ugh, If I ever find that, it’ll probably be a dream.

Now that I’ve been so dedicated in the gym, I have a whole new mind set. It’s pretty cliche of me to say it’s changed me, cause I do feel like a lot of people go through this journey. BUT, I also gotta get that mind set out of my head. I get so discouraged when I feel like a lot of other people do things that I wanna, or have been doing. It’s always been that for me, like I wanna be original. But the gym has really changed my life. Loosing over 30 pounds all by myself?! I feel like that’s some really crazy shit. I know alot of ppl won’t recognize it as a huge accomplishment but for me I am. I’ve always always always, since I can remember, struggled with my weight. I feel like NOW, I have it under control. I’m no where near where I wanna be, cause if we talking big dreams, I wanna be a whole body builder (minus the really really buff arms and legs). I wanna be the girl with a small waist, the nice toned arms and legs, and the big big booty. I feel like I can get there with more hard work and dedication. Actually, I WILL get there. I pray on that.

So, ending this long post on a good note. I WILL, get into school. I WILL, finish the first semester with A’s. I WILL, get the body I deserve. And I WILL, learn to save my money- which that’s a wholeeee other venting sesh-

I WILLLLL!!!!!

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Red Was My Favourite Colour (J.JK)

Warnings : talk of abuse, talk of cheating

Synopsis : after an abusive relationship, y/n is able to find love again.

Word Count : 1431

Author’s Note : I am reinventing this tumblr page. I understand a lot of those who follow me followed me for the people I posted in the past, but they just don’t interest me anymore. I still want to write imagines, and have written tons in the time I was away. But they all have to do with the kpop band BTS. So if you like BTS, I hope you enjoy. I will keep all my other imagines up, but I will be posting primarily BTS from here on out and will be creating a new Masterlist. Thank you!

The first red flag came after one month of dating when I told him I was going home for a week. I posted pictures of my brothers, and he called me incessantly until I answered. I knew everyone could hear his yelling on the other end, but no one said a thing as I calmly explained everything and reassured him that I was his. He told me he loved me then.

           The second red flag came on our 100th day when he was late to the reservations he had made smelling heavily of perfume that wasn’t mine. But he bought me a pretty diamond necklace, telling me that the diamond of his life deserves diamonds of all kinds.

           The third red flag came when I introduced him to my best friend, Park Jimin, and he immediately asked how many times we hooked up in the past. We explained our relationship isn’t like that. We’ve been best friends since diaper days and were practically siblings. He explained his ex had left him for her best friend, and I reassured him I only loved him.

           The fourth red flag came on our 6-month anniversary when he suddenly had a work conference out of town. I had a sinking suspicion that he was lying to me, and that was confirmed when his boss called me, asking me to remind my boyfriend about the early meeting the next morning. I told him I thought they were at a work conference for the weekend, his boss said there was no such thing and he said he was taking me on a trip for our anniversary. He came home with a bunch of gifts for me, apologizing for missing our 6-month anniversary.

           The fifth red flag came with a harsh slap across my face when I spoke back to him. He held me softly afterwards, tears in his eyes as he promised me he would never hurt me again. I wiped away his tears and forgave him, keeping this a secret from my best friend.

           The sixth red flag came with purple bruises littering my body. Jimin asked where they came from and I always shrugged it off, blaming my clumsiness. I promised my boyfriend I wouldn’t make him angry again. It was my fault anyways.

           The final red flag came when I opened my eyes in the hospital, my eyes meeting those of a police officer, asking for my story. I wanted to protect him, but Jimin had caught him red handed with the gun aimed right at me. I spilled all the red flags I noticed throughout the year we were together. Jimin cried as he listened to everything I said, asking me why I didn’t speak up sooner.

           “Because red is my favourite colour.” I whispered in response.

           My first month of healing was spent scared to leave the apartment I now shared with Jimin. I met his two other best friends, Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung. I was shy at first, but they made me feel comfortable.

           My second month of healing was spent taking small steps to become independent again. Jimin wasn’t going to be around forever to take care of me, no matter how much he disagrees with that statement. Jungkook and Taehyung came around more often, and I welcomed them fully in my life.

           My third month of healing was spent exploring the world I was hidden from during my relationship. I spent a lot of time filming my surroundings with Jungkook. He would send me videos he took of our adventures, and I noticed he tended to film me rather than the scenery. You are the scenery. He told me once. Butterflies flew around my tummy.

           My fourth month of healing was spent laughing openly and truly with my new friends. The four of us spent a lot of time together, exploring the city and getting lost in neighbourhoods we were unfamiliar with. Jungkook and I got split up from Taehyung and Jimin, so Jungkook held my hand saying he didn’t want to lose me too. I laced our fingers together as I looked up at him with a smile.

           My fifth month of healing was spent sneaking around with Jungkook on dates. We didn’t want to make Jimin, or Taehyung feel weird with our blossoming relationship, so we hid it. He kissed me for the first time in the moonlight outside my apartment building. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I felt content.

           Our first month together was spent with more secret dates and kisses when no one was looking. Jimin had caught us eventually, saying we weren’t subtle in any way. He congratulated us, and warned Jungkook that if he ever hurt me, it was on sight. I laughed at the thought. Jungkook could easily take Jimin, but he wasn’t like that. I felt safe.

           Our second month together, he invited me along to meet a couple of his other friends, Jung Hoseok and Kim Seokjin. He promised they were good people and there would be nothing to worry about. I could see the hopefulness in his eyes and agreed. I felt comfortable immediately and quickly opened my world up to them.

           Our third month together, we spent a lot of time with all of our friends going for more adventures like old times. He never let go of my hand, not bothering with an excuse this time, not that he needed one. I would hold his hand until the end of time.

           On our 100th day, he took me for a picnic and gifted me a cute necklace with his initials and a heart. He whispered I love you in my ear as he put it on me. I kissed him and told him I loved him too. It felt right.

           By our 6th month, I found a job and felt comfortable being left alone again. Jungkook would always come for my lunch break though, saying he was used to seeing me all the time. I introduced him to two of my coworkers who were quickly becoming my work friends, Kim Namjoon and Min Yoongi. He smiled and thanked them for making me feel comfortable. There was no need to be jealous because he knew I loved him.

           By our first anniversary, all of our friends had met and the 8 of us spent a lot of time together at someone’s place. We did karaoke a lot that resulted in a lot of drunken nights. I wasn’t once scared of Jungkook when he was drunk because he never put his hands on me.

           On our anniversary, he took me to a fancy restaurant. We updated each other on the things we’ve missed and laughed at some dumb things our friends did. By dessert, he slid an envelope across the table. I pulled out a letter and a key. Without even reading the letter, I knew he was asking me to move in with him. But it wasn’t until I read the letter that I realized he bought my dream house. It’s time to start our happily ever after. He said softly. There was no other answer besides yes.

           Our friends helped us move in. Jimin cried at losing his roommate to another man, and I cried at moving away from my best friend. We held each other for a while, rubbing each other’s backs as we cried. Jungkook smiled at us, a soft look in his eyes.

           Our first night living together, I was wrapped up in his arms as he played with my hair, humming softly. I’ve never felt so safe, so in love. He proved to me every single day that the relationship I had before wasn’t love. This right here, what Jungkook and I have, is true love.

           Red used to be my favourite colour, but now my favourite colour is the different shades of brown in his eyes. It’s the pink of his lips. It’s whatever colour he’s dyed his hair, the different browns and blues and purples. It’s the soft yellow the pours into our room in the morning and I wake up in his arms. It’s the navy blue of the night sky with the sparkly stars littering the sky as we stand on our balcony, him holding me from behind as he lists all the reasons he loves me.

           I used to love the colour red because it was the colour of the flags love once gave me. But now I love every single colour because Jungkook has showed me what love looks like.

[aliciaandandrea]

Family Friend - Zayn Oneshot Part 2 (FULL)

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Damn okay it has been 7 years since I posted the part 2 preview of this oneshot. I haven’t been active on tumblr for a couple of years so this might be weird for my new followers, and I don’t even know if people still read smut now a days. But I’ve gotten notifications about people liking the posts on this series plus I received messages about the full part 2 of this series over the years. So to those people who messaged me and/or for those people who wanted an update, this is for you (just a disclaimer: I was 18 when I wrote the preview and am now 25...so if this is cringy or you think I’ve lost my touch, I apologize LOL):

=============================================

It has been a week since the cottage and I haven’t heard from Zayn since. I should have saw it coming. We almost hooked up, but I’m glad we didn’t, especially with that attitude of his. I was going through my phone and I decided to text Shawn, who’s been my crush before Zayn entered back into the picture.

“Heyy Shawn…” I texted him. “Hey Y/N :) Whats up?” he texted back. “Bored as always, you?” I asked “Same, I feel like we haven’t hung out at all this summer :(” he wrote. “lol thats because we haven’t” I texted. “Well let me make it up to you. My friend and his gf are goin to the movies tonight and asked if I wanted to go…I don’t wanna be the third wheel…do you wanna join?”he texted me. Did this guy just ask me out? “I’d love to :), just text me the details.” I texted back. And he did just that. I put on my low cut grey graphic tank with a black bralette under it and my black maxi skirt, while putting my hair up in a half up-do and keeping my makeup natural.

Before I could touch up my doorbell rang. I opened the door thinking it was Shawn but then stormed inside Zayn with no explanation. “What do you want?” I said bitterly as I closed the door after he walked inside. “You can’t fucking call me back?” he said looking at me. “What the hell are you talking about Zayn” I said walking up to him. “What do you call this?” he said tossing me his phone. On the screen was his call log, He’s called me once every day, except..that wasn’t my number. It was a fake one I gave as a joke when he asked for it one day. “Zayn that's not my number,” I said giving back his phone. “What the fuck is your problem then? You know I have fucking feelings for you !” He said fed up. I didn't know what to say. He just told me he had feelings for me. “Zayn..I..” I said trying to hold his hand but he pulled it away and turned away from me. “Fine. You wanna behave like that go ahead. And don't fucking tell me that I’m playing you. You’ve been teasing me ever since you found out that I liked you and then you almost hookup with me leaving me with a hickey that was hard to explain at dinner with mine and your parents and then you don't even fucking talk or try to reach out to me in a week. Don’t you even go there.” I said angrily. At this point we were both pissed. We managed to both profess our feelings and hatred towards each other…all at the same time. We were going to either end up fucking on my couch or wrestle on it. “Did you not see the phone calls that I supposedly made out to you. And why the fuck have I been hearing from people that you’ve been sleeping around with other guys?” “What the fuck Zayn? You hear anything you want to believe don't you. This entire time I’ve been thinking of you, you idiot.” I said as he chuckled. He composed himself then stared at me, “Where the fuck are you going?” “To the movies..with Shawn.” I said looking down. “And this is what I’m talking about, you’re going out with a loser and trying to get laid with that outfit.” he said as his body tensed up, looking up and down at me. At that point I was pissed, but I was not going to let that jerk ruin my night. We both stared at each other angrily. My ringtone broke the silence, Shawn was calling me. “Hey Shawn,” I said out loud for Zayn to here as I glared at him. He shot me an irritated look. “Yeah I’ll be there soon, can’t wait to finally see you,” I flirted with Shawn making Zayn jealous. “Yeah its been a long time,” I said as I ‘accidentally’ put my phone on speaker so Zayn could hear. “Maybe you could stay over for breakfast,” Shawn joked but that's when Zayn snapped. He grabbed my phone, hung it up and threw it onto the couch. He looked at me with a lustful look as I furrowed my eyebrows at him, but was secretly loving the fact that he was jealous. Jealous Zayn was probably my favorite Zayn. “That’s it,” he growled at me as he threw me over his shoulder. “Zayn put me down!! What the fuck are you doing??” I said playing victim, even though I knew what he was going to do. “Something I should have done a long time ago.” Zayn said as he kicked the door shut and threw me onto my bed. “I don’t know what you think you’re about to do right now, but I’ve got a date to get to tonight” I said eyeing him as he climbed on top of me. “Yeah?”. Zayn asked as he bit my bottom lip causing me to let out a little whimper, “What was his name again?”, Zayn asked as he was kissing my jawline and biting the sensitive area. I blanked out for a good few seconds, wanting to wrap my legs around him and pull him closer, but I couldn’t let him win this one. “Ohh yess Shawn..” I moaned to irritate Zayn while pulling his hair. He stared me down but before we could continue, the doorbell rang. “Fuck”, Zayn said as he got off me. Zayn got to the door before I could and of course there was Shawn looking confused as to why there was a man at my house with disheveled hair.

“Hey Y/N..” Shawn said to me, as Zayn stared daggers. “Can we help you?” Zayn asked, "We’re in the middle of something important, so it’d be great if you can, I don’t know, fuck off?” he continued with a smirk. “Sorry, Shawn, I’m ready we can go,” I said to him before turning back to get my bag. “I don’t know where you think you’re going,” Zayn said looking at me before turning back to Shawn. “You know what, maybe we can go out another time, I didn’t realize - ...” Shawn started to say before getting rudely interrupted by Zayn who said “Didn’t realize what? That she already had a boyfriend? Fuck off now will you.” Zayn shuts the door on Shawn, and blocks me from trying to open it.

“What the fuck are you doing Zayn?” I asked trying to move him to open the door. He gently grabs my wrists and looked into my eyes, “We need to finish what we started”, he says hungrily. I manage to free my wrists, push Zayn against the door, then proceed to walk away from him, “In your dreams“ I say flipping him off from behind me. Before I know it Zayn has picked me up bridal style and is taking me back to my bed. We’ve reached a point where we both want this to happen, as deep down we knew something had to be done with the intense sexual tension between us. I was torn between wanting to fuck like wild animals vs wanting to make slow and passionate love, to take our time and explore each other with the limited time frame we had. As if he read my mind, “Slow or rough?” Zayn asks as we arrive at the foot of the bed.

“Both”, I said as Zayn dropped me on top of the bed for the 2nd time tonight. He stood over me, slowly taking off his Denim Jacket, leaving him in his baggy grey t-shirt and black jeans. I looked at him impatiently, wanting to help him get out of his clothes, but he just smirked at me and said “Well, you said both”. Fine, he can take his time, but I’m not gonna wait any longer as I knew my parents were coming back home from their night out. I knelt on the bed in-front of him taking off my low cut grey graphic tank revealing the lacy black bralette under it, then pushed my girls into him aching for him to touch me. But he just stood there staring into my eyes, as he took off his baggy grey t-shirt. “What is he doing”, I thought to myself, “What are WE doing, playing follow the leader?”. It was getting too much for me, I needed him. I grabbed his face but decided to tease him by gently having our lips barely touch. “We don’t have much time, my parents might come home soon”, I whispered against his lips, desperate for him to give in. “What?” he said pulling back a little. “My parents might be home soon, plus -” Zayn stops me from continuing. “I want to take my time with you. And I know you need all of me. If we’re going to this, I don’t want a few minutes with you, I want you for as long as I can have you.” Zayn says holding my face. Look I know I could have shut my mouth and not brought up the fact that my parents were going to come home soon, but I couldn’t risk having them walk in on us like they almost had when we were at the cottage.

We both redressed and I walked Zayn to the door, as I needed Zayn to leave before my parents got back. “Can I have your actual number this time?” Zayn said as he pulled out his phone. I giggled and put my real number with a kiss and rose emoji as part of my contact name. “I’ll text you,” Zayn says before he opens the door. “Wait,” I said. Before I knew it I pushed him against the door again but this time I kissed him. We began making out, taking turns biting each others lips and teasing each other with our tongues. We tried to pull each other closer; I pulled on his hair as he groped me making me moan and whimper. We couldn’t get enough of each other, as we got lost in our little foreplay. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar honk, and a set of keys jiggling on the other side of the door. Fucking hell, my parents were home...

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LIKE/MESSAGE ME FOR PART 3 IF YOU WANT !

Link to part 1: http://aliciaandandrea.tumblr.com/post/92086930206/family-friend-zayn-oneshot

[cheonjeolmi]

Walmart Date (Modern AU)

Pairing: Hange x F! Reader

Warnings: None ( except for some tooth-rotting fluff ) 

Request?: Not requested, though my requests are open so feel free to send!

A/N: just some desperately needed Hange fluff !! Sorry for any grammar or formatting errors as its been a while since I used tumblr. In any case please enjoy the story, and follow me on twitter for writing related updates @_thexaus !

“Y/N!! Come on, come on! Let’s goo” Hange exclaimed as they couldn’t help but pace back and forth around their shared room. 

“Babe, it’s still way too early for you to be this hyper.” you groaned.

“Oh, sorry! I’m just so excited!” They giggled and brought their arms around you, wrapping you in a hug.

“We’re going to Walmart to buy some groceries and other things, why exactly are you excited?” You asked as you returned their hug.

“Yeah, but we’re still spending time together! We’re going on a Walmart date!” she continued, “plus, I’ve missed you. We’ve both been busy with work. But now that it’s our day-off, we can have our date!” Hange smiled and pressed a light kiss to your forehead, face heating up in embarrassment from the sudden kiss. 

“Aww, you’re so cute when you blush! It makes me want to kiss you even more” they swooned, peppering you with kisses, before kissing your nose then touching it afterward. “Boop!” They chuckled at your reaction. “I love you, Y/N”

“I love you too, Hange” The two of you wrapped around each other, with you listening to their heartbeat. The brown-haired scientist pulled away, retracting their arms from you

“Okay, the last one to the car is a rotten egg!” Hange laughed as they bolted towards the door, leaving you in their trail very confused

“What..?”

“Haha, rotten egg!” they said as they kept boasting about their victory. (Y/N) glared at them

“It’s not fair! I wasn’t ready and you tried to trip me at some point. Also, if I had known we were doing that, you would definitely be saying otherwise right now.” you accused your brown-haired partner

“Whatever, you’re just mad that I won” Hange turned to you with a smug smirk before sticking her tongue out, you scoffed and walked a bit further from them, deciding to playfully ignore them.

“Babe, I did what I have to do and I won so that’s all that matters,” they boasted once more, noticing you walk further from them, they let out a laugh “Are you seriously gonna ignore me?” 

You didn’t respond. Instead, you walked even further from them, creating a bigger distance than before. “Okay fine, be that way then. I’m gonna ignore you too! A taste of your own medicine, if you will.” They sighed, crossing their arms, stomping toward the Walmart in front of you both.

Although that didn’t last long since once you both entered the store, they turned to you with tears starting to form in the corner of their eyes. “Y/N!! Please don’t be mad at me anymore, I’m sorry! There, are you happy!? You’re not the rotten egg, I am!” they whined, begging for your attention in the process.

When they saw you turn toward them, their smile grew but immediately dropped when you gave them a smug look, loving the way they were acting now.

“Torture! This is torture, Y/N! Why are you torturing your cute and precious partner named Hange aka the love of your life?! I thought you loved meee..” they whined, as other people began to give you both weird looks.

“Oh my god, Hange! I forgive you. Now, be quiet before we get kicked out!” you said as they immediately brought you into a hug kissing your cheek,

“Yay, Y/N loves me!” Hange sang in delight as they dragged you along the store “So what are we going to buy?” they hummed, walking beside you. “Oh no, I forgot to make a list,” a small frown came across your face. 

“Well anyway, snacks, drinks, and ingredients for dinner. Did you wanna look around to buy something?” Y/N said turning to Hange smiling as they nodded “Okay great! We’ll meet up later, yeah?” After which they both went their separate ways.

Hange skipped around the store holding a basket filled with sweets, and a worrying amount of Red Bull. Once they finished going around getting everything they wanted, the brown-haired scientist stopped and froze in fear 

“Oh no…” Hange had gotten lost in the big store and was completely without their girlfriend and now, proceeded to exaggerate their situation, thinking of all the things that were unlikely to happen. Were they overreacting? Yes, but they believed you could never be too sure.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no no no. I have to find Y/N! Oh, I can call her-!” fishing for their phone, only to see that it was dead. “Oh come on! The day I forget to charge is the day I get lost. What are the odds.” they sighed in defeat but soon perked up, thinking of the perfect idea to get them out of this predicament.

“Calling Ms. Y/N L/N, please head down to register 5. Again, can Ms. Y/N L/N, please head down to register 5. Thank you.” The store speaker rang out  as you head over there to see what was wrong, there you saw Hange sitting down on the bench, pouting while swinging their legs back and forth.

You compared the sight to that of a child who lost their mother, which to be fair was sort of your situation right now. Hange then looked up and saw you come closer, making their pout turn to a wide grin, soon enough they ran up to you and hugged you tightly.

“Y/N!! You’re here! And you’re alive!!” Hange practically screamed as they were now reassured and weren’t alone by themselves anymore.

"Hange, what-? Of course, I'm alive...Now, start talking.” your gaze hardened against their brown eyes, they gulped from the tension and simply nodded.

“First, why’d you ask them to call me here? Second of all, why didn’t you just text or call me?” They rubbed a hand on their nape, clearly nervous as you seemed like a mother scolding their child, which was also very much true.

“Well, I um..got lost...second, my phone was dead. Also, while waiting for you, I talked with the lady at the register! Her name was Flora! What a nice fellow she was..” Hange smiled, recalling the small conversation they had, whilst waiting for Y/N to arrive at the register.

“Hi, I’m Hange!”

“Nice to meet you, Hange. I’m Flora,” “So, this Y/N person is your..girlfriend?” Hange nodded

“Ah, yes she is! Very lovely, kind, helpful, friendly, and she’s just so great!”

“Aw, that’s sweet. You must love her a lot” the kind woman said and Hange could only nod, thinking about all the things she loved about you.

“I’m gonna marry her one day. I don’t know when or where, but if I’m with her that’s all that matters'' the brown-haired scientist sighed dreamily, as they began to imagine what married life would be like with you.

“I was exactly like you once with my wife, when we’d still been dating. Her name’s Evie and now we’re married! 10 years and counting!” “Let me tell you, waking up to her every day is a dream and even after 10 years it never gets old. I’m sure it’ll be the same for you both” Hange smiled and thanked the kind woman at the register.

“Hange? Helloo? Earth to Hange?” you waved your hand against her face, which seemed to break them out of their daze and smile at you. “Oh, sorry Y/N! Were you done paying for everything?” they asked and you nodded “Oh shoot, I forgot something!”

“Oh? What did you forget? We’re not in a rush so we could go look for it” your eyes lit up in mischief “No no, it’s not that. It’s just that,” moving forward to get your head start “the last one to the car is a rotten egg!” you exclaimed, giggling as you bolted out the door, leaving Hange in the same state you had been in before. 

“Huh..? HUH!!? HEY WAIT!! THAT’S NOT FAIR Y/N!” they shouted as they ran after you, which didn’t take long. Hange caught you in their arms around your waist trapping you within the confines of their body, their chest pressing against your back. 

You moved around their hold, both of you admiring each other's features as the two of you smiled like idiots. “Hey you” they smiled, “Hey yourself” Y/N replied, snuggling closer towards the scientist.

Suddenly the air between you changed, a visible sense of longing present, “Y/N..” Hange began to slowly lean towards you, you began to do the same as your lips brush against each other, their hands move to cup your face, the kiss feeling like all the good things you could name.

Fireworks. Butterflies. Electricity.

Everything in that moment felt right and you both knew that. “Hange” you moaned into her lips as the two of you broke apart for air, which didn't last long as your lips were back on theirs. The taste and feel of their lips on yours, their scent of warm vanilla with a slight hint of earthiness to it filled through your nostrils. 

Everything about them was addicting, and it was frightening how you were willing to sacrifice a lot to be with them-- or to feel the rush of excitement, danger, adrenaline, and warmth which coursed through your veins whenever you were with Hange.

For a few seconds, everything around you was still. You feel every little detail and it's simply beautiful. It’s only but the two of you and it's unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and oh how you wished this moment could last forever.

As the two of you parted, yours and Hange's foreheads pressed against each other gently with the two of you smiling like idiots in love.

“Y/N, stay with me forever please” “Hange..I'd only ever want to stay with you anyway” they smiled once again and placed soft kisses along your face, from your forehead to your nose, and from your cheeks to your jawline bringing their lips to the shell of your ear with Hange softly nibbling on it,

“Hange-” you moaned at the action and they smirked at the way your voice slightly broke. “And another thing, I win, rotten egg.” Hange pulled back to look at your shocked expression and smiled. Admittedly, you had forgotten about the silly race as memories of the kiss you shared not too long ago, filled every space in your mind.

The coffee-haired scientist raced over to where you parked the car and you couldn't help but smile seeing their tall energetic figure make a beeline to the car, with you walking a few steps behind them accepting your defeat. God, you loved Hange so much and you knew that they loved you too, if not more.

But no matter how many times Hange had told you they loved you, you always felt comfort in knowing that, smiling once again for what seemed to be the millionth time that night.

'You're going to be the death of me, Hange Zoe.'

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Brain update

First, let me say that this isn't about what anybody has done. My reactions are not in proportion to anything that has happened, and might be considered odd, weird and sensitive to people involved.

So let me explain.

I'm an Aspie (what we call ourselves in Sweden), on the autism spectrum. Yeah, might have guessed that from the story I'm writing, Sidestep is not the only one trying to figure out how people work.

Over the years I have built up an arsenal of knowledge and analysis to be able to pretend to be neurotypical, something that I can manage alright most days, but which breaks down once you get to know me better. I'm open with this at my current job, and luckily both my bosses seem to be okay dealing with open communication and just telling me what I need to do.

It was not always like this, and that is one of the reasons why I had a breakdown and needed to get off discord/tumblr.

Back in the late nineties, I had finally got my dream job. I was a product developer in the food industry, part of a rather small department of middle-class academics. I was the new hire, everyone else had worked there for years, and things were going well. Or so I assumed. I got cool projects, got along well with one of the sales people, and well, my boss was weird but bosses always are.

Three years later. Our parent company wanted to sell us off, everyone was starting to get worried about their job. We tried to expand into things were weren't equipped to do (you don't bring spices into a fruit jam line, will be hell to clean) and while I did the projects, I also raised an (in retrospect) too big stink about the fact that we were wasting time developing things we couldn't produce without expanding. My boss (who I had learned was a devout christian) started to get really weird, I got called in and he wondered if I was a member of a cult (I was often wearing a headscarf at the time because pressure on my head is good for stress relief). I also got told off for wearing army boots to work (we had lab shoes in the lab), because (I kid you not) if we had danish visitors to the lab (we didn't have visitors) they could be offended since they had once been occupied by Nazis. Yes, at the time I was an Antifa metalhead/satanist, it was a very volatile time in sweden and nazis were everywhere. Now they're a political party, go figure.

It all came to a head when I was confronted with a folder one of the secretaries of the department had where she had written down every odd and strange thing that I did, and there were a lot of accusations of things I quite frankly blocked out. Around this time I was suffering from bad burnout, had memory loss, my hair was falling out and I lost two bikes because I forgot where I parked them. All because of workplace hostility.

So for the first time ever, I went to the company doctor, who immediately sent me on a one month sick leave, and gave a reference to a therapist. When I went and told my boss, his reaction was "It can't be anything at work," in a dismissive tone. I wrote my resignation right then and there, left the building, snuck back a Saturday to clean out my stuff so I didn't have to meet anyone. Luckily I was backed up by my union, so I got unemployment despite quitting, and the therapist helped me get back on my feet and hook me up with some antidepressants.

Still, I was a wreck for years.

At the time, I had NO idea I was an Aspie. It weren't talked about, the only thing I knew about Autism, was from the various portrayals in movies, and well, in the nineties you can guess. Rainman pretty much was it.

What destroyed me the most was not that people disliked me, I didn't like them either, we didn't have anything in common, and middle-class people always scared me. No, what broke me was the fact that my system failed.

See, I had built up myself over ten years into someone I wanted to be. Smart. Capable. Metalhead. Researcher. Activist. I thought I knew the rules. How to interact.

It turned out I knew nothing. People had been talking behind my back for years, and I didn't know. Getting annoyed by my ticks, and I had no idea. Nobody ever brought anything up to my face until it exploded one day out of the blue. This is why I have ranted about anons on this tumblr. This is why I have been so openly against passive aggressive posts and bullying, especially the anonymous kind, because it destroys people and I don't think the people who does it knows the impact they can have. I hope they don't.

I have never gone back to the lab. I can't. I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it when I'm writing this. I retrained. Became a machinist. Back to the working class I came from. Eventually started writing.

And this is exactly what these last months have felt like.

I thought I understood things. I was pretty open with being old, an Aspie, not understanding memes, or humor, or tik tok, or certain aspects of people's behavior like jealousy, but the problem with joking about this is that it's so easy to take as just a joke. That I'm just making fun of myself (oh it's that too). I got advice from some of you, which I ignored, because I thought that I could be different. That there was no danger in getting close. That I could be just another voice in the crowd. An occasionally evil avocado. That this couldn't blow up in my face, that everything was cool.

And then it did. And I was wrong. And the talking started, and things were coming out that I had no idea that was going on. That I was being held responsible for. Opinions that were spoken in my name. Events I was supposed to have been aware of and supported. All of a sudden I was omniscient, aware of the true passive aggressive meaning of every reblog, aware of every post in every room in the discord I wasn't even running. Wasn't even a mod on. All of a sudden I had power, and I had used it to hurt people. The people I cared about. Everything I wrote was taken in the worst possible way, twisted into things I never meant, and the more I tried to talk to people, the worse it went.

Look. I know this was at heart a war between people that just doesn't like each other and the things they do/the ways they behave. I'm still not entirely sure who's been involved, and I'm not interested in finding out. I tried to build a supportive space, reblog everyone's art and fics, encourage people to make their own things, get a kofi, get some money, make some friends.

And herein lies my problem.

I thought I understood how to be, and now I don't. I have no idea who hates my guts and who doesn't (well, except some who has very vocally let me know). I can't trust anything. I can't trust anyone. And it sucks. Someone I trusted stabbed be in the back because they were convinced I stabbed them in the back and that sucks more than I can describe. Every time I make a comment on AO3 or twitter it's after psyching myself up for half an hour, and I'm usually a wreck afterwards, because my brain doesn't know if they hate me too, and if I am imposing on them and making their day bad.

So yeah. I need to figure out how to be. How not to have a nausea attack every time I accidentally click open tumblr from pure reflex, looking away from the screen just not to see how may messages I have.

I never wanted to be the aloof author, but maybe I have to be. The question is if I can. I have been told I can't comment on pics or fics, because then I have favorites. And that makes people jealous. And it makes people think I take sides. I have been told I can't be on the discord, because then I will be held responsible for what the mods do there, and everything that's said even when I'm not around. I should apparently have someone manage the tumblr, it's not something that I, an author should do.

I now understand the authors who just stay away and remain distant, because people give themselves the power to write the narrative for you.

Part of me wants to tell people what I've told my current bosses, don't assume, just talk to me. I don't pick up/do passive aggression, I don't understand hints, I have trouble with nuance, I don't listen to gossip, I don't interact enough to know anything that's going on. Just ask before assuming.

Except that right now I can't. I can't talk about any of this. It's too close. It sets me off. It's getting better, sure, I'm on medication again, but the smallest thing still can ruin my entire day. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover and come back to some semblance of normality. I'm not posting this myself (my partner does). Writing is going well, because it lets me not be myself. I need those walls again. The therapy of writing about pain.

I'll rebuild them. I'm not entirely sure who I'll be on the other end of it. We'll see.

I have consciously not spoken about any details because those could be misunderstood, this is not a passive aggressive callout to anybody. I have no hard feelings towards anyone, I am not angry or upset, just confused and sad. I am truly so very, very, very sorry that I've hurt people, both by action and inaction. It was never my intention. I will do my best to do better in the future.

Still working on how to do that.

[avenger-hawk]

Tagged by @altraes (thank you, it was fun to do this~)

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

                                                       *

(I wrote the first paragraphs because my first lines alone don’t make much sense lol)

1- ACQUIESCENCE (Minato/Itachi) my first fic ever. darkish but just a little, angsty. I’m proud of it cause another author wrote a sequel to it.

 to ac·qui·esce: to accept, agree, or allow something to happen by staying silent or by not arguing. A flurry of leaves, swept away by the autumn wind, caught the Hokage's attention while he took off his large hat. That time of the year should have been warmer.

2- THE WILL OF FIRE (Shiita, Danzo/Shisui, Danzo/Itachi) This was dark and shiita fans didn’t like it lol.

 Just like his owner, Danzo's studio was dark and dusty. The man didn't look as old as Hiruzen, but he was twice as scary; thus would think a boy of Itachi's age. Not him. He was not allowed to be afraid.

3- WHAT HE WANTED (Itasasu) Even tho I rewrote it cause I didn’t like how I initially characterized them and their dynamics this is my most popular fic. Maybe because it’s a post-ending, canon divergent, fix-it kind of story. Maybe because it’s Itasasu and I put so much love into writing their dynamics and, also, in giving Sasuke a good ending since canon didn’t do him justice.

Sasuke is where everybody wants him to be: in Konoha. With the battle and the arm he also lost the urge to fight. He's had enough of traveling. He's tired of chasing and being chased. So tired that even if he meant every word about starting a revolution, being the Hokage and build a new era, he had wondered, though only for a moment, if he would be able to really accomplish such tasks all by himself.

4- IN POWER WE ENTRUST THE LOVE ADVOCATED (Itasasu) THis is my second most popular fic. This one too was written after the ending and tried to give Sasuke justice. I planned to write a sequel but I got busy with other projects and lost interest in it.

The gates open, letting the shinobi in after a successfully completed mission. Being on duty the following day Sasuke declines his team mates' proposal to have dinner together, the reddish sunset light forcing him to squint as he walks towards the Hokage's office.

5- PRESSURE (Itasasu) Taken from In Power that can be read as a standalone oneshot.

Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.

6- IN DREAMS (Itasasu, Izuna/Sasuke, DARKFIC). This is one of the darkest things I wrote. The Izuna/Sasuke crackpair was for @admiral-izusasu. The plot, the dynamics, everything has a double, or triple reading, plot related and metaphorical for other, real-life issues such as knowing people online, and emotional abuse from narcissistic people. I wrote it when I was fighting against one of these psychos, on tumblr itself, so this fic has a personal meaning for me. But also the plot and the canon divergent ending thing is cool, I think it’s one of my best fics, even though I coulnd’t care less about izuna.

They say that nature will always find a way. After the end of the war flowers keep blooming like nothing happened even if the light is fainter, filtered from the tall branches of the Shinju tree, now grown into a forest spread all over the world.

7- SOMBER CREATION PALE DESTRUCTION (Madara/Sasuke dom/sub-ish). Darkish? Who knows, I write darkfish stuff all the time. I was (and am) very proud of this fic, the canon divergent turn it took (who am I kidding, it’s really cool lol) and the weird relationship/dynamics these 2 created. So I didn’t update it anymore, because doing so would break their thin balance. Ssssh, don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense, I don’t believe you xD

History teaches that Madara Uchiha died at the hands of Hashirama Senju. Their statues were erected in the Valley Of The End where their battle was fought, where the shinobi god ended his best friend's life in order to protect the village they founded together. No one knows that Madara didn't die there.

8- IN THE DARK (kakashi/Sasuke, mob/Sasuke noncon). This is a very dark oneshot that I’m proud of, cause it ‘explains’ canon Sasuke personality in Shinden and later, and that I use as prequel for many fics, like WHW but also OFAF and Broken Things (see later for both).

Things never went as Sasuke wanted. After the war it's no different, although everything seems fine at first, Team 7 finally at peace with each other, the war ended and the village that Itachi protected, even as a dead man, safe. Nevertheless he is arrested when he's still in the hospital.

9- VICTIMS OF PEACE (Shisui/Sasuke dom/sub-ish) I am so proud of this fic, of its non massacre universe, of the dark-ish slow burn relationship between Shisui and Sasuke I wrote, tentatively at first cause no one did it or thought much about it, and because that non massacre filler was bad, but still it was inspiration. I know shiita fans hated me even more for this cause shisui is only paired with itachi, and also itachi/itasasu fans were disappointed but still. This is maybe the fic I’m most proud of.

If a traveler arrived from a random village in the Fire Country he would certainly notice how different Konoha was. He would not be able to pinpoint exactly why at first, because the buildings, houses and shops are similar, just like their gardens, fields and animals. Only after some thought he would understand that the difference is in their people: other villagers are relaxed and casual, even loud. Children run around the streets, chasing each other, playing tag or hide-and-seek. Their fathers bring them presents and their mothers buy them new clothes.

10- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS (DARK Narusasu) I received a lot of hate for this one, which makes me proud of it even more. so many naruto stans were butthurt by my characterization of him as a possessive not sunshine selfless boy and their dynamics as crazy.

Jiraiya used to complain that the first sign of getting old was waking up at night for no reason and not being able to fall back asleep. For Naruto, this only happened after the war.

11- BLACK ROSES (Itasasu, dom/sub-ish) Smutty Bloody Darky Hokage Itachi/Anbu Sasuke oneshot

Because of his farsighted politics, his loyalty towards his allies as well as his iron fist against his enemies, Itachi quickly became one of the most respected leaders in the shinobi world, and because of his unequaled diplomatic skills, along with his vast culture, impeccable manners and refined appearance, he became popular among nobles, including the Daimyo, whose official visits increased since the Uchiha rose to power.

12- NELL’IPOTESI GRANDE (=IN THE BIG HYPOTHESIS) (MetaMoro, not Naruto) I’m very proud of this one cause it’s a psycho-pass inspired longfic set in a retrofuturistic Italy with a totalitarian consumeristic regime. But that fandom is so shitty and they all hate me cause I called them homophobic fascists so no one cares. The excerpt is translated too.

He’s reminded of Pirandello’s* words as he’s riding the automatic taxi across the city, exiting the center towards EUR. COmpared to Milan with its skyscrapers, multilevel streets, automatic cars and incessant novelties, the capital is basically the same as it was portrayed in old illustrations: renaissance and 20th century buildings, seagulls, pines among the Roman ruins, sycamore trees on the Lungotevere, that was probably already busy with traffic when people travelled on horse carriages. (*an Italian writer)

13- DA UOMO A UOMO, MANO NELLA MANO (from man to man, hand in hand) (Metamoro) lol I was hated a lot for this one too. tbh the hate I received in the Naruto fandom is nothing compared to this other shitty fandom

For an artist like Fabrizio, mainly focused on expressing what he has inside, public relations are the hardest part of his job, especially when it’s about events where, instead of fans, of whom he perceives the sincere affection, other artists and professionals are invited. His experience taught him that most of them are hypocrites ready to jump on the winner’s bandwagon as quickly as to throw mud at the loser.

14- STRENGTH THROUGH WOUNDING (wip) (Obito/Sasuke, Obito/Itachi, dark.-ish) 

There is something nostalgic in the eerie way the boy's screams resonate through the dark cavern-like hideout, their pain bouncing from one curved wall to another, their anguish filling their crevices. It’s like hearing his past self from an external perspective, like Madara did. Which is fitting, for Obito is Madara now.

15- WORDS UNSAID (wip) (Kakashi/Sasuke) 

A black flame that cannot be extinguished: they had been warned about Amaterasu by Jiraiya, but seeing it was impressive nevertheless. The whole area was surrounded by black flames and the rain pouring hard could nothing against it. They found Sasuke there, surrounded, imprisoned by black flames that were extinguishing themselves, so they found a breach.

16- BLEEDING ME (Metamoro vampire/priest darkfic) No one can understand this in the Naruto fandom but it’s an AU interpretation of the Da UOMO A UOMO character dynamics where one is an emotional vampire-like person. I’m very proud of this fic tbh.

According to folk stories the forest was so big and full of dangers that God himself put a church where it ended, so that its priest would protect the people living nearby. It was a small, white building that didn’t match the typical stones and wood brownish ones of that region, with no stained glass windows or fancy columns, spires or gargoyles, only crosses with skulls and bones, and an engraving in an unknown language.

17- WILD CHILD (Metamoro cop/drug dealer AU). At this point I hate that fandom so much but I like my ideas and I write only for my girl whom I met in that very shitty fandom.

Everything seems bigger in children’s eyes. Like the playground in the courtyard of the church, with its slides and swings that for Ermal’s siblings were the setting of countless imaginary adventures which they told him in detail, enthusiastically interrupting each other, when he picked them up after school.

18- TRUE COLORS (Itasasu, dark, dom/sub) By now I’m only interested in writing dark IS and I enjoyed writing this one lol

"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me." Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.

19- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS 2: TO REPAIR WITH GOLD (Dark Narusasu). Cause I didn’t piss off NS fans enough I guess? lol this is ongoing and I like this idea so much

It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice. Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.

20- BROKEN THINGS (Shisui/Sasuke) My latest creation, I’m so proud of it cause it’s Shisasu again, my rarepair! and it was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer because they have such a cool dynamic that things just happen and get longer.

In the Land of Water summers were hot and damp, autumn and spring were damp for the frequent rains and winter was no less, with its cold temperature and ubiquitous dampness. It wasn't a problem for Sasuke though.

                                                                       *

Tagging: @renamon15 and all the other authors I can’t remember right now and who want to do this, tag me back so I can read your first lines lol

[dogcopter]

Jane is Lore 2020

Ok, here’s the round up of the ghost part of the situation with @keepbeachcitysafe​ and @keepbeachcityweird​.

Theory: Ronaldo’s girlfriend Jane is the key to figuring out Rose Quartz is not gone, largely via a constellation of background clues. If that sounds ridiculous, I understand. I’m Ronaldo. Actually I’m not Ronaldo, but hopefully I’ll have a post about him too soon. I hope we can all have fun together tho

This post is very, very long and involves a lot of images. It will be confusing at first, but please entertain the thought and keep reading, and I hope it clicks into place. I may need to update it later. 

Three sections for supporting evidence:

1. Restaurant Wars, Jane, KBCW/KBCS blogs’ interaction & contents

2. Astral projection/ghosts/fusions

3. Dogcopter secrets

Restaurant Wars Saga & Jane’s appearances

So Ronaldo has a blog at @keepbeachcityweird​ - he also published a book based on his blog called Keep Beach City Weird: You Can’t Hide the Truth!!!, which is available for purchase.

On April 23, 2014, Lion 2: The Movie airs. Jane appears for the first time working the ticket booth at the movie theater and sees Lion and the kids fight a killer robot. Dogcopter 3 is playing at the theater.

April 23, 2014, Ronaldo at Keep Beach City Weird also posts about seeing Dogcopter 3 at the movie theater, where the parking lot is a mess, presumably from Steven, Connie and Lion’s robot training fight.

He mentions “First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.”, but that’s less relevant to this particular post. The important thing is that he, like Connie, follows Dogcopter, who’s also associated with Jane. (We’ll get to Dogcopter’s appearances in SU in the last part of this once the context is established) 

Ronaldo’s posts in general document specific events and details in his home Beach City, but that’s another post entirely.

Exactly a year later, Ronaldo on April 23, 2015 posted about receiving a mysterious letter, which might be from Jane because (beneath a great deal of smudging) it appears to call Ronaldo the CUTEST GUY EVER! (This isn’t crucial or anything, just noting it as one of our first Jane points).

I GOT A LETTER TODAY!!!  But for some reason it was all wet and I can’t even tell what it says.  Is it a love letter?  Is it a death threat?  Please tell me!  I need to know if I should lock my doors or open my heart!

Jane also appears in Beach City Drift. After Beach City Drift, keepbeachcitysafe posts an episode reaction blog, on July 22 2016, and takes special notice of Jane.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm. So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

(Kevin’s Himitsu X12 is his car, in the middle there. We’ll come back to this and what KBCS means in a second.)

July 25 2016, Restaurant Wars airs, the third of Jane’s four appearances in SU. In this ep, Jane comes a long way to return Ronaldo’s Koala Princess DVDs, and catches Ronaldo with Kiki and is upset. 

KBCS posts another episode reaction blog, pays attention to Jane again, and says they plan to message Ronaldo.

Ronaldo says he can’t do it because of his girlfriend. Ooo, he has a girlfriend, that’s pretty cool, you just know whats gonna happen next.

Ok so, Ronaldo’s, GIRLFRIEND, (imagine me saying that in slow motion) showed up at the worst possible moment.

Everything was back to normal. Except poor Ronaldo, I should sent him a letter to cheer him up. Seen ya next week.

Almost immediately the KBCS and KBCW blogs play out a little interaction online:

Ronaldo goes through some stuff.

No post today.  If anyone needs me I’ll be at Brooding Hill… where I’ll be CRYING. I usually cry at Crying Canyon, but it’s closed right because of some flash flood warnings.  

Then Ronaldo posts KBCS’s letter.

Note how KBCW caps this message so the name is clearly visible? It’s referring to Ronaldo’s bio:

It’s not very cheering...but things work out shortly thereafter. Jane likes one of Ronaldo’s posts and all seems well.

I think it’s going to work out you guys.  Thanks for all your support.

After this, Ronaldo doesn’t post again until Rocknaldo several months later, and one last time after publishing his book. 

That’s April 18 2017. The KBCW tumblr is never updated again. KBCS’s final post is not long after, Jul 4, 2017.

Finally, Jane makes a cameo alongside Ronaldo in the very last scene of Steven Universe Future, “The Future.”

Koala Princess, Astral Projection and Psychic Ghosts

So some interesting patterns come up when you connect the two blogs, the clues associated with Jane, and some understanding of Steven’s powers. Let’s revisit Keep Beach City Weird, a Ronaldo’s primary blog, and Keep Beach City Safe, which contains mysteries too big for this simple Dogcopter/Jane-hime lore post.

Keep Beach City Weird - Ran from September 2013 to April 2017, with a lot of posts made in October 2015 and July 2016.

Keep Beach City Safe - Ran from June 2015 to July 2017, with most posts in 2016 of course.

Let’s look at a timeline of posts. I’m going to call out things that we’ll connect to the Jane lore at the end.

Keep Beach City Weird: Ronaldo’s blog

Nov 1, 2013, days before Steven Universe first airs: KBCW’s first post is all about Astral Projection.

Astral Projection!  The ability to travel outside your physical body and into other planes of existence!

I began to feel lightheaded and before I knew it, I was floating above my body.  Amazing!  I walked out onto the boardwalk in my new ASTRAL FORM, and you know what the weird thing was?  Nobody even said hello to me.  I was COMPLETELY INVISIBLE!  I mean, usually nobody really notices me, but this was a different kind of not being noticed.  This was not being noticed on another plane of existence - so I didn’t feel bad about it.Anyway, after being ignored in the arcade and Fish Stew Pizza, I got bored and I went back to the fry shop to re-merge with my body. 

Astral projection is a power Steven demonstrates a number of times, and you’ll see among these posts that certain powers of Steven involving this stuff are called out by the blog. 

Connie: What? Where are you? How are you...? Steven: I’m not sure, but I think it’s a classic psychic ghost type situation. Connie: Ah, of course! So, what’s the plan?

from Reunited

Steven: Oh man. I fell asleep and had this weird dream. I opened the door and Lapis was there, and- Pearl: Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Lapis is fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean. Steven: You’ve never had a dream before, huh? Pearl: Uh, I don’t think so.

from Chille Tid

August 28, 2014, Joking Victim, Ronaldo posts about ghosts. And an arsonist from about 150 years ago.

September 04 2014, Steven and the Stevens, Ronaldo posts about "cross dimensional travelers”

And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  

Not mentioning posts that don’t mention ghosts/astral projection/dimensions in some capacity, but in realtime Ronaldo liveblogs in response to episode events.

Ronaldo also answers some fan asks. On October 31 2014 after Keep Beach City Weird he answers this question about floaters with “BACTERIAL GHOSTS” in all caps, this one about his first encounter with the supernatural (the events shown in Horror Club, which aired February 12, 2015)

Nov 2014, Ronaldo posts twice about Watermelon Stevens and a review of the anime Soul Blaster, “Like every anime, Soul Blaster is about a high school student.  Our hero is a cool dude, with even cooler hair named Kyosuke.  He battles rogue spirits with the help of his Soul Blaster - which happens to be powered by the spirit of his deceased younger brother, Kettaro. “

On December 4, 2014 Ronaldo posts about Koala Princess, who will become important in this post when we get back to Dogcopter and Jane. Koala Princess is repeatedly used as a stand-in for talking about Steven’s journey. In this post Ronaldo says:

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so I just finished the final episode of Koala Princess and I don’t want to get too emotional on you guys but I CAN’T STOP CRYING!  Koala Princess goes on a walkabout and enters dreamtime and finally MEETS HER KOALA MOTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! SLKDJFSDJ:FS

I’ve got so many feels!  These feels are the real deals!  On wheels!  WHAT AM I SAYING?! I’M GOING CRAZY!!!

Lion 3: Straight to Video aired on the same day as Ronaldo’s post. In this episode Steven meets Dogcopter in a dream, and then sees his mother Rose Quartz for the first time - she speaks to him via a VHS tape.

After Alone Together, Ronaldo posts about Stevonnie, who is a fusion. He also gets stuck under a fridge for a bit after Future Vision in January 2015.

And I want TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THIS FRIDGE!

He posts like five times about it in the same day because he’s freaking out.

And also I want my body to be shot into space with a print version of my blog so an alien civilization can find me reconstruct my body and worship me.

On February 19 2015 after Winter Forecast, he posts about using time travel to fix bad decisions:

Sometimes I think about all the bad decisions I’ve made and how they’ve affected my life, and I wish I could go back in time and change them.  But unless I can find a way to break into the Pentagon and steal a time bike, I’m just stuck with having regrets.  

After Political Power Ronaldo claims glowsticks are filled with ghost blood.

Anyway, then stuff happens. 

January 4 2016, after The Answer, Ronaldo posts about seeing Dogcopter 4 and shares the poster for it.

One interesting thing about the poster is that if you invert it and mess with the contrast a bit, a strange diagram appears on the left. A true mystery.

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Coming back to Dogcopter in a minute, but these are relevant details.

Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.

On Jan 5, Steven’s Birthday, Ronaldo posts about celebrating his birthday on a different date every year.

Every year, I celebrate my birthday on a completely different day.  Why?  To keep my birthdate a SECRET so that no clandestine government agencies can steal my identity!

July 2016, the saga with Jane and KBCS above happens. When he’s sad about Jane breaking up with him, the same day Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service comes out (in which Steven astral projects into Kiki’s dream), he listens to sad music.

Ugh, I wish I had some sad music to listen to at work.  All I have is a playlist of video game soundtracks and some EVP recordings of ghost hauntings.  I guess ghosts are sad.  I’ll just listen to those.

But if you’re feeling happy, I do suggest listening to the “Go-Go Gorilla Go-Go Kart Racing” soundtrack.  Some solid 16-bit J-reggae.

This post may partly be a reference to the Sadie Killer song G-G-G-Ghost, which is performed in The Big Show and wouldn’t air for a bit, but is also astral projection related.

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. Can't you see that I exist? And I don't need an exorcist To let me out Look at me and I'll appear Why can't you see that I'm right here? That I'm right here? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. I'm calling you from the other side

Once Ronaldo has gone through grief and anger, he resorts to begging her to come back. This post is from July 28, the day Alone at Sea aired in which Jasper begs Lapis to return.

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. I was only pretending to date Kiki to defend my family’s honor, just as the Kanga-ronin did in Season 1, Episode 3!

Here is another Koala Princess reference. There are a couple SU references in the episode numbers in this post.

The events of Season 5, Episode 13 of KP was not what it seemed: for Steven Universe, this is Your Mother and Mine, in which Garnet tells a story told to her by Rose Quartz. It later turns out to be a false origin story to cover the truth that Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond.

Kanga-ronin pretended at something to defend family honor in Season 1, Episode 3, which in SU is Cheeseburger Backpack - where Steven buys a novelty backpack so he can carry things on missions to be useful for the gems, fails his first mission and pretends he’s fine. The events of this ep are later referenced in The Test.

Finally, Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle is a reference to Stevonnie’s vision in Jungle Moon, which is Stevonnie’s first interaction with Pink Diamond via a memory dream. In this dream, all was not as it seemed either.

Then the KBCW blog doesn’t post until Feb 2017, after Rocknaldo. A couple ghost and dream-y quotes from here:

In my searches for THE TRUTH, I’ve done a lot of listening.  I’ve listened to haunted houses to hear ghosts from other dimensions.  I’ve listened to radio signals from the cosmos for signs of alien life.

I’ve also learned that HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP.  I didn’t sleep for 48 hours and I PASSED OUT FOR DAYS.

Ronaldo’s final post is an ad for his book, which comes out during a hiatus, and he references Koala Princess again: 

I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!  

Now let’s look at Keep Beach City Safe.

Keep Beach City Safe: [???]’s blog

For KBCS, I’m only going to skim to address ghost/astral projection related content that comes back to the business with Jane, Dogcopter, Koala Princess and Rose. The rest of this blog is a little too big for right now. 

It’s interesting that KBCS seems to have mostly flown under the radar, but between the Jane arc and a couple other things I believe it to be legit. Suffice to say I’m treating it as real and you will see why in a minute.

For KBCS I’ll mostly mention which episode a post is associated with, but not the date like with Ronaldo’s.

KBCS’s reaction blog to Nightmare Hospital includes a couple relevant lines:

Where was the Gem M.? I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around! It was mom!

Don’t tell me It’s on the other side of the hall corner. That would mean it saw mo- Connie’s mom!

KBCS posts a blog between Too Far and The Answer, in which they review a number of events. (They post another blog about fusions in which they describe Garnet and Stevonnie’s components as well)

During the movie the TV just shut down and they were being chased around by a “ghost”. It was actually a gem stuck inside the house, making the house seem like it was possessed.

They also get pretty excited about Steven’s birthday.

Only a few more minutes until Steven’s Birthday!

Eeeeh! Only a few mins left until midnight. We finally get to learn about Garnet’s past! Are guys happy, I know I am. I can’t even express how happy I feel, but I’ll try. And I will not act crazy while doing it, Imma keep it cool. So it’s like Peace and Love had a son, and his name was Steven! Then Steven fused with Connie, who was the daughter of Happiness. And they formed Stevonnie, who was made of everything right within the universe!

On Steven’s Birthday they also post about the Dogcopter 4 movie.

I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

This clearly references Ronaldo’s post about Dogcopter having nine lives, but KBCS is a little more considerate about spoilers.

In KBCS’s “It Could’ve Been Great” post, they’re still talking about Steven’s birthday. There’s a promo image attached as well.

To start things off I just wanted to say: I did see Steven turn into a baby? And I would also like to say: DID YOU SEE STEVEN TURN INTO A BABY!?!?

So, by now your probably wondering what the second image is aren’t you? We clearly it’s a pic of Rose holding a cupcake candle.

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party. Happy Birthday from all of us at KBCS. Hope you like it.

Future Vision reference. (Some of this is less relevant to the Jane thing but I’m pulling quotes that are related to fusion and stuff in the hopes it gets clearer)

This reminds me of the time that Garnet gave Stevens her future vision. I don’t know what happens exactly, but I think you see what’s going to happen in the future hence the name future vision. Being able to see into the future would be awesome, yet terrified at same time.

There’s a great post about Pie Day - in fact, KBCS posts about Pie Day a few times. They call out Pearl, too, which reminds me of a certain prolific fandom video editor’s handle.

You know who else knows about Pi. Pearl, but also Peridot.

Pearl Doesn’t Like Pie. Happy Pie Day!

This is not a good photo of Pear let’s see if we can find a better one. Now that’s better.

Sorry for the tangent. Let’s talk koalas now.

KBCS posts about The New Lars. They have thoughts about Steven’s ability to hop into other bodies, namely the question of whether Rose could do this as well.

Steven is worried that Lars isn’t being truthful about his feelings. So through his dreams, Steven jumps into Lar’s body, and trys to make his life better. But he only makes things worse.

Steven somehow possessed Lars’s body through his dreams. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again, we have a word for it now: Dream Possession. But he can also enter dreams.

He did it with Lapis, the Watermelon Stevens, and now Lars. That’s one gem, one sentient plant, and one human. Well with lapis he was merely communicating with her. This, new power, is seems to activates itself whenever Steven wants to help someone, but can’t because something getting in the way. Could this be a power passed down from Rose, or is this a power he himself posses?

#koala vs sloth

in The New Lars, koalas come up twice. Koalas in SU are associated with Steven’s astral projection powers. Remember how Koala Princess met her mother in the dreamscape? 

Steven: For your consideration...The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "Hanging Around Doing Nothing" mammals!?

Steven in Lars’ body: Whatcha doing? Hanging out? Buck: Yeah. Steven: That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like koalas or sloths? Uh, I'm asking for Steven.

Steven: Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a koala and a sloth.

From The New Lars. Steven references koalas three times.

KBCS gets to Beach City Drift. They take notice of Jane and of Kevin’s car.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm.

So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

So while we’re back on the subject of Jane, here’s something interesting about Dogcopter and the Himitsu X12. They both show up in advertisements together in the background of Empire City.

Mr Greg

Same Old World

This is what KBCS is talking about - Dogcopter has a secret.

For Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, KBCS has more to say about dreams.

She has a nightmare and Steven, coincidentally, falls asleep after eating and enters Kiki’s dream. Now Steven The Dream Warrior, must help Kiki battle her dream, and finally end this nightmare once and for all.

Steven, who for some reason keeps going into people’s dreams, goes into Kiki’s dream.

Steven fought for about week, and he’s was tired by day four. And we know from experience that a sleepless Steven, is a cranky Steven.

This is the same power Steven used in Chille Tid. and look who showed up again?

After Monster Reunion airs, KBCS posts a liveblog and includes a far-fetched accusation that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond.

Think about it! A Diamond should have access to all gem controlled tech, right. And if Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond, which she is, then she should be able to too, right. And Steven has Rose’s gem. So now Steven can access gem tech. And one more thing to prove this theory once and for all.

But there’s one thing that doesn’t add up. Rose Quartz… is a Quartz. How could she be a Diamond?????? Maybe I’m wrong, she could have been just working along side Pink Diamond. Maybe this just a crackpot theory about the impossible. I don’t think gems can turn into different gems? who knows, I guess we’ll find out sooner or later. 

When KBCS gets to Crack the Whip, they take note of Lion and tag him thrice:

Crack the Whip! Is it just me or is that foreshadowing?

Oh, did I mention that Lion was there. He was just there, when Connie opened the door, he walked up and just started hanging. It was so cool! It was like, Just Lion Things 2! So the snack break, that takes the whole day, ends at the beach, where the idea originally began.

Amethyst faces off Jasper, gem to gem, while Steven and Connie, and don’t forget Lion, fight the corrupted gem.

Lion was keeping the Gem Monster busy while all of this was happening. I was so stunned when Steven and Connie fused, without doing a fusion dance! How well they worked, together, they rode on Lion, and defeated Jasper, and poofed the Gem Monster all at the same time!!!

#just lion things 2 #lion fights #lion still fights

There’s also a weird Google Slides slideshow connected to the KBCS account, which includes this image featuring Lion, Tiny Floating Whale, (and Connie and Greg) and the word TRUE with Steven’s affirmative!

More Koala Princess

Two more Koala Princess references - although only one is immediately relevant - 

In Gemcation, Ronaldo keeps texting Steven about Koala Princess. Steven’s lockscreen is a selfie with him and Lion.

Also, as a sidenote, Koala Princess is implicated in sneople trolls on anime message boards.

Dogcopter

These are just the Dogcopter appearances (Thanks to SU wiki as well as my brain) Dogcopter fights robots in at least one timeline, and the book is allegedly really long. Bold Dogcopters are the pink dogcopter, everything else is an ad or grey.

Lars and the Cool Kids - Poster

Lion 2 - The movie they all go see.

Lion 3 - Gives Steven advice.

Chille Tid  - Shows Steven how to find Lapis. Meows. (Dogcopter’s parents are cats.)

Same Old World & Mr. Greg - Advertisement

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service - flies Steven away.

In Dreams and Growing Pains (Note this is grey Dogcopter) - Flies away in Stefan’s nightmare, proposes to Drew the driver (or at least offers them something) in the Dogcopter 6 Till Death Do Us Bark I Now Pronounce You Man and Woof trailer.

Snow Day - Pupcopter, a spinoff for babies.

And for Steven’s Birthday - Connie points out a Dogcopter constellation.

Astral Projection

Another quick summary. I’ve written a lot on this psychic ghost stuff so check my blog if you want the tags, idrc. Summary of astral projection powers Steven has shown:

Leaving his body (Reunited, Escapism)

Possessing other bodies (New Lars, Escapism, SWI)

Traveling to others’ dreams (Kiki’s Pizza, Chille Tid)

Interacting with fusion components within the fusion’s mind (Chille Tid, Mindful)

Regarding KBCS’s question of whether Rose could have done this, it doesn’t seem impossible - and as of Fragments and Homeworld Bound, we know that Gems don’t die when they are killed. (Lol.) That is, the personality/soul can appear in the same gem if it’s shattered and repaired. And Steven’s mom’s gem is perfectly intact, inside him. 

Literally what is the point of all this

So after KBCS and KBCW spent so long talking about astral projection, ghosts, dreams, fusions, etc etc. they never actually got to the point - just pointed us in the direction of a bunch of clues that 

Rose Quartz isn’t gone.

Obviously. She’s in his gem in him, like Lapis and the mirror, or the lighthouse gem. She uses astral projection to help Steven in his dreams as well as see him in Rose’s room, like other fusions speak in the mindscape. (There’s a lot more to this but this is enough to ask anyone to wrap their head around atm) 

She also interacts with him through other bodies, the same way Steven takes over Lars’ body, or the Watermelon Stevens. 

Remember this?

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party.

Who came to Steven’s birthday in which Connie points out that Dogcopter constellation?

Who gave Steven advice when he wished he could talk to his mom?

Who showed Steven where to find the tape?

Who else could have asked Steven, “What do you want” in Susan Egan’s voice? 

(Why did they choose to hire Susan Egan to voice a cameo in Under the Knife in the first few seconds of Fusion Cuisine, where she says “It’s my son!” while Lion is onscreen)

Or reassured him that Rose’s tape was telling him the truth?

Who first brought him to Pink Diamond’s moon base?

Who knew where Rose’s armory was and how to train with it? (Note the giant penny)

Who showed Steven the location of Pink’s fallen palanquin?

Who found Rose’s lost scabbard?

and knew where Pearl would run to when she’s upset?

Who (reluctantly) brought Steven to the landfill and Pink Diamond’s ship?

Who showed him how to find Malachite?

Twice?

Who showed him how Pink Diamond tried to stop the Earth’s colonization, and who to ask for the truth?

Who tried to entertain him on Mask Island when he was trapped on Homeworld?

And then rescued him from the open sea?

Who showed Stevonnie the password to Yellow Diamond’s moon base?

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. 

So yeah Rose is Lion 2020. Thanks for reading this extremely long nonsense.

Also thanks to @babybeetlebongos​ for both mindscape lore and fixing Ronaldo’s cheek in the banner image, lol. I made a Twitter thread about this as well (and the more in depth Lion and astral projection theory threads are quoted at the top, if you need them. the #mindscape deeplore 2020 tag/tags on this post have stuff too.)

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

Dreams of Indigo (C.2)

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinso x Non Binary Reader (can be read as Male Reader)

Word Count: 

Warnings: Use of He/They pronouns, lots of swearing, mentions of bully, angst? edginess (i hope not)  self mutilation/injury (not cutting) hurtful words, revenge.

If you'd like to avoid the self inflicted injury it comes after the huge space at the end of this chapter. Leave a comment and let me know if you'd like me to do a recap without the injury at the beginning of the next Chapter

Storyline: Reader is a teenage vigilante basically. Unlike the main characters Y/N doesn’t attend UA and somehow seems to keep finding themself in the company of the LOV but they’re not a villain. Call him a vigilante or an anti-hero whatever, just don’t call them a villain.

A/N: This is Chapter Two of the series. I know not many on tumblr are reading but I like this story and want to update. Sorry if anyone was actually waiting for me to update. I got caught up and forgot to finish the chapter. Shoot me any questions, my inbox is open to anything but requests as of now. This is cross posted on wattpad (@that-bi-bitch-writes) and Quotev (@DumbEnbyJuice)

Teaser  Character Info  Prologue  Ch.1  Ch.2 Ch.3

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It started with an interruption of what can be argued as the greatest dream of the century. There you were contently snuggling up to one of your MANY pillows with your cat curled up on the edge of the bed. The only thing that could cause you any sort of stress is if you were to 

“WAKE UP!!!” 

“I’m not gonna say it again Y/n, I know you heard me calling you?? WAKE UP! It’s your birthday”

‘I heard you calling’ you thought ‘but I don’t see the point in waking up early, it's my birthday. Why would I be excited to go to that hellhole on the one day that’s supposed to be all about me?’

“Yeah yeah I heard you, I’ll be out in a minute” you called back

Your birthday wasn’t exactly always a bad thing. Up until you were five you really liked celebrating your bday. But you didn’t get a quirk. Now you’re in the fourth grade with no definitive friend group, no quirk and what feels like nothing to celebrate. But your mom still enjoys your birthday. 

SO you have to put on a smile, do a little twirl, sit there through the embarrassing rendition of happy birthday from your family members. And then it’s back to being alone. You have to go back to school where you’re not celebrated and you have to cope with the fact that another year has gone by with no signs of a quirk and an even slimmer chance that the bullying will end. But things will change. You’re gonna change them. First you have to make it through the day alive

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so maybe making it through most of the day wasn’t as hard as you thought. Your teacher quietly wished you a happy birthday before class started, so the class wouldn’t descend into chaos. It’s very hard to keep 9 and 10 year olds focused on someone’s birthday. But whatever, the day seemed like it was gonna go smoothly

Despite the chaos of this morning your mom actually didn’t make too much of a big deal about your birthday and the celebrations were postponed for afterschool. The fake smiles and twirling and off key singing weren’t for another 6 hours, so you got to be a cynical 10 year old for just a little longer. 

‘This bento is a little fancier today’ you thought ‘maybe i should appreciate mom more and she’d do this more often.’ 

For the first time in what felt like forever, you got to enjoy a nice lunch, by yourself, on the roof because for some reason, loners tend to spend their lunches on the roof, even if they are 10 year olds who should be showing off a birthday cupcake, or celebratory mochi or some other sweet. Everything was fine.

The keyword is WAS. Before you could leave school, a certain orange haired bully decided your day was going a little TOO well and it was his job to correct the universe’s error. 

“Hey L/N I heard it was your birthday today. I hope you got to spend the day with your many friends.” he taunted. 

And of course, all bullies have to have a posse so after every “biting” comment he looked to them to make sure they were laughing. For some kind of reassurance and camaraderie that you’d never really had. 

‘That’s really weird but I’m oddly jealous’

“My friends are waiting for me with my family back at home. I’ve gotta go, see you tomorrow bully-chan” you bit back.  Which was probably a huge mistake. The teasing chan mayhaps have set him off. Although none of his comments usually phased you, he took his time to think about the next one as you tried to scurry out of the classroom

“What family L/N? Your mother is always busy at work isn’t she? And I heard that your dad ran away when you were like 3 or something because you hadn’t gotten your quirk.” 

You thought the torment would end there. Forget just thinking, you prayed to whatever god there was that it’d all end with him poking fun at the one weak spot everyone knew you had. Your parents. But he kept going after he saw you subtly tense at the mention of your father. 

Nakamuro Keitaro is not just an everyday bully. He is the son of your mother’s ex best friend who resented your mother for having everything she wanted. A stable career, beauty, a child that seemed to be worth something, and a handsome successful husband. So she poisoned Keitaro against you. It was oddly really effective on her part. She might be an evil genius.

Anyway it wasn’t exactly hard to convince him to hate you especially once it was revealed that you were quirkless. All she had to do was convince him she was the victim in your moms’ fight and give him a little ammo against you. And like the dutiful son he is, he became her attack dog on a very loose leash. 

“Is he ashamed of you?” Keitaro continued  “Was he worried about the rumors people would spread if they found out that a pro hero produced a dud with no quirk and no shot at carrying on his family’s legacy”

Keitaro really knew how to get on your last fucking nerve, and the comments began to hurt. And like hurt does sometimes, it turned to anger. It was your 10th birthday. You were supposed to be stuffing your face with ice cream surrounded by your closest friends. And your father. It wasn’t your fault you were quirkless. It really wasn’t. But it was their fault you were miserable. 

Misery loves company. 

You didn’t know why you said it, and you wish you never did. Because the next words to come out of your mouth revealed something you’d wanted for so long. You had a quirk. But it was the last time you’d ever want to use it again. Well at least not for another three years.

“I heard a rumor you were so insecure not even bullying me could make you happy.” Power thronged off of the words you spat. “So you jumped out of this window and crippled yourself”

If your dad couldn’t love his quirkless child, lets see how Keitaro’s mom loves her crippled one.

[lightsonparkave]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIGHTS ON PARK AVE! WE’RE OFFICIALLY A ONE-YEAR-OLD BABY (our birthday was on the 22nd). Join the celebrations by submitting a work! There’s one week left until Round 12 closes on August 31, and you have 80 prompts to choose from. There are no minimum work requirements or limit to how many works you can submit.

Not sure you can finish your work in time? Little messages are great presents too. What has the past year of Lights on Park Ave been like for you? Do you have a favorite prompt or round? A favorite LoPA work? Want to make a rec list of your favorites or wax poetic and show some love for a specific work and/or creator? Go for it. Let the Steve/Tony community know! The LoPA askbox is open or if you want to make your own Tumblr post or tweet, you can mention @lightsonparkave or tag #lightsonparkave. Whatever method you choose, I’ll make sure to share your message/post on here and Twitter.

Or maybe you’re not up to making anything this time. In that case, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Here are all 46 Lights on Park Ave works for previous rounds.

ART

3490 & 616

A comparison between 616 Civil War and universe 3490 where the war was averted by the marriage of Steve Rogers and Natasha Stark - @jarvisuanddumetoo​

ANY UNIVERSE

A framed portrait of a smiling Tony, drawn and signed by Steve - @hundredthousands

Steve steals his husband’s helmet and gives his king a springtime crown - @starksnack

AU

Tin soldier Steve and ballerina Tony dancing - @jarvisuanddumetoo

BATTLEWORLD

Steve watching Tony flying in on the battlefield - @thingexplainer

MCU

Old Steve holding flowers and seeing a blue butterfly after Tony’s death - @hundredthousands

So much of life feels like drowning... but when I’m with you my troubles recede like waves on the shore - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Stranger Things AU where Steve is the one who was experimented on in a lab and doesn’t understand pop culture and Tony is the guy with no powers who is still doing his best to fight these weird new aliens - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Steve and a dandelion that represents him weathering all his hardships over the years - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Tony on fire and Steve’s reaction - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Steve crying while holding Tony’s helmet after Tony’s funeral - @noririna

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’re a hero. - @starksnack

ULTIMATES

Steve and Tony leaving marks on each other’s bodies that are only visible in the dark - @sirsapling Ults Steve and Tony are tragically bound to one another. They can always feel the trace of each others hands, it leaves an invisible mark they will cary with them till there is nothing left. Only a ghost of something lost in the chaos of the past.

FIC

1872

Say My Name - @citsiurtlanu Steve reminds Tony that there's more to him than the war his weapons were used in.

616

Snow Day - @captainneverever The Avengers think that Steve and Tony got engaged at the annual holiday party. It’s news to Steve and Tony.

Kiss me rough before you go - erde Tony is dying. His life is slipping away and Steve wants to be better than this, but he can't quite manage the feat. Tony's war has made a bitter man out of him, a lesser man.

Boys, boys, boys - Missy_dee811 (@viudanegraaa) (AU) Steve keeps putting off his oil change. Finally deciding to see the mechanic in town.

Without the rusty music of my machine - Missy_dee811 (@viudanegraaa)  Tony was lying on the hood of his car. He had taken off his leather jacket, gently folded it in half, and draped it across the windshield so he could rest his arms on the supple leather.

Muddy Waters - RossKL (@but-damn-is-he-lovable) (also on Tumblr) Tony bleeds. It's not real.

ANY

(A Dream is) A Wish Your Heart Makes - @helovedyou Cool evenings together and laughing free and all the nice things Tony never thought he’d get

Afternoon Off - Neverever (@captainneverever) Freedom is just another word for getting with your boyfriend on the downlow during a mission.

BULLET POINTS

Those We Were (For A While) - sadisticsparkle The blueprints hadn’t prepared Tony for the light bouncing off the battered metal, for the empty stare of its empty eye sockets or the dim circle in the middle of the chest. He traced its lines with his gaze, remembering every day he had spent hunched over the schematics picking its inner workings and every night he had spent sprawled under its pilot letting him take Tony apart.

MCU

border state - @areiton (also on Tumblr) They exist in the in between.

star crossed - @areiton (also on Tumblr) "The gods made the stars,” you whisper, a lifetime ago, a heartbeat ago, now, “and they were so bright, so beautiful and strong, that they ripped them in two. And half of ‘em fell to earth, and woke from the dust and walked as men.”

this is how - @areiton (also on Tumblr) This is how the world ends: Gaps in the code.

kiss me hard before you go - duckmoles​ & starxreactor (AU) “I love you, you know that?” Tony says just after popping another grape into Steve’s mouth. He watches as Steve’s jaw works, chewing and then swallowing. Steve smiles up at Tony with a bright, toothy grin. “I love you, too.” “I’m going to miss you,” Tony continues. “I’m going to call you everyday, okay? And—and, during the holidays I’ll show up at your house and we can—we can—sit together on the balcony, and—” The last day of summer, and it's time to hold on to what you might lose.

No Winter Lasts Forever - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) Steve stopped, white breath clouding the air around him, to look at the little shoots of green and purple peeking out from the scant layer of snow left on the ground.

snippet of a post-apocalyptic A/B/O AU WIP - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) Steve’s fingers traced the bite, a half-moon of red marks, from in front of the largest mirror he’d ever seen.

the first blush of morning - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) (AU) The sun rises on the Atlantic ocean and Steve isn't alone - or is he?

Santa Paws - @heartsandmuses [I]f there were two things the public couldn’t get enough of, it was cute puppies and shirtless Captain America — and Tony, ever the philanthropist, decided to give the people exactly what they wanted, right on Christmas morning.

Philautia - @helovedyou Tony dies and Steve keeps on living. Well. He doesn’t die. Living might be a bit of a generous term

To the Victor - @helovedyou There are rainbows flying and people hugging and others ranting and raving, spittle flying, he thinks this. We have won this, this tiny victory.

Snippet of a WIP set post-IW - @ishipallthings The numbers keep climbing, for hours, in the aftermath.

Shuffle Off This Mortal Coil - jellybeanforest (@jellybeanforest-a-go-go) (also a Cap-IM Bingo 2020 round 1 fic) Tony hadn’t been a cruel man, but he had been a practical one. Or: In his twilight years, concerned about how his slow-aging possibly-immortal husband will adjust to his death, Tony builds an AI version of himself that he updates nightly, intending for it to keep Steve company after he’s gone. When the inevitable comes to pass, Steve doesn’t know what to make of the AI or whether its presence lessens his grief or makes it significantly worse. He’s leaning towards the latter.

Five Bells - @lazywriter7 (also on Tumblr) After returning the Stones, Steve takes a detour through time.

if we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious - @littlemissstark forgiveness. The salty air was intense enough to wake Steve up completely, snapping any left over drowsiness away. He was alert despite the sky still being a shade of navy that tapered into a purple at the sea’s horizon. The world was still dormant, but Steve couldn’t stay asleep – not when he woke to coldness on the right side of the bed and empty arms.

In My Hands and Gone Again - @nostalgicatsea (also on Tumblr) Memories were like fish, Tony had explained, or the tease of one. A flash of silver, and his hands would plunge down. Sometimes he would catch one; other times, it would dart out of reach. He wouldn’t be sure whether it had been real or just a trick of the light, after.

Leaving You Forward - @nostalgicatsea (AU) It would be easy, staying here like this with Tony. But Steve knew he couldn't—because he had never taken the easy way out and because he loved Tony.

i choose: me, you, us - @onlymorelove (also a Cap-IM Remix Madness 2020 fic) “We, uh. We’ve been together five years, and you’ve never— I’ve never let you see it. I told you I’d let you see it on our wedding night.” In which Tony and Steve marry, but Tony hasn't let Steve see the arc reactor—and the scars around it. Yet.

best of summers gone - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Tony's favorite month has always been August.

when we all fall asleep - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Tony wakes up and questions why Steve loves him. It's a surprisingly complex question for such a simple answer.

you anchor me (back down) - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Steve still loves Tony, no matter what mask he’s wearing. He’ll never tell Tony that, though. He’s read enough books and watched enough movies to know that it only ends well when it’s just a story. Or, everyone needs an anchor sometimes, and Steve and Tony just happen to be each others’.

take me to the feeling - smalltonystark (@theotherwasdeath​) Steve looks gorgeous in the lights. He always looks stunning, but here, late at night, in the faint glow from the streetlamps underneath them and underneath the stars, he looks magnificent.

POETRY

A Toast to Cold, Hard Facts - @onlymorelove (also on Tumblr) The world is brutal and coarse, but...

Love was fading stars - @onlymorelove (also on AO3) Blackout poetry based on “Failing and Flying” by Jack Gilbert on top of an original print.

not married - @onlymorelove (also on Tumblr) Grief works in mysterious ways.

[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

Mod Mikan: It’s....really embarrassing for me to ask you guys for advice. After all, I’m the mother and big sister figure....it should be me that should be helping you guys out with your problems, not the other way around. I also don’t want to be so serious on this blog. But...I know that I’m never going to solve this problem unless I turn to the people I trust and love the most, so I’m just gonna say it. Plus, this has been one of the reasons why updates have been a little slow. This has been taking over my thoughts recently 

A few years ago I had this RP blog. It started as a cute little OC blog where you could interact and role play with my characters with your own. The first people who stumbled upon that blog were nice at first but...I very, very slowly started to see how toxic their behavior was. I had a list of rules and certain triggers that was a big ‘no-no’ for me to role play. For example, stuff like r*pe, smok*ng, dr*gs, and s*lf harm, wasn’t allowed. Throughout the course of this blog, I saw the people that I role played with doing that sort of stuff to their own characters. They had a rude attitude every time my characters try to stop them and their characters just responded with a simple “Go fuck yourself” (yes, that was actually their own words) and carried on with c*tting their skin or sm*king. When I DM-ed them saying “Hey this is against the rules. Can you please stop?” they responded with something along the lines of this: 

“Ya know...I always thought that the horrid stuff I was facing in real life would always follow up with me throughout the rest of my life. Everything I’m doing on the blog is true. Your blog really helps me express myself and escape reality. I’m very sorry about your mother (she died from sm*king) and you (I was r*ped). I understand that I am nothing more than a mistake. I should’ve died that night, where I was about to k*ll m*self....”

I was too blind to see they were manipulating me with a sob story. I cried at their excuses, eating up every word they said cause I had no reason not to believe them. I felt bad for them. I thought they understood my pain and why I had certain stuff set as my boundaries. I ignored my own triggers solely for the sake that they can use my blog as a punching bag--so I can take all the broken triggers and deteriorate my own mental health so they can feel better and use my blog as the ‘escape from reality’ they wanted so badly. This carried on for about a year until they said that they had to leave tumblr for a mental health hiatus. I understood, thinking that their mental state was that bad, that they would have to leave the website as a whole to focus on real life

Fast forward a year later: I got a message one year later from them. They were on a new blog, a fresh new start. They started to reveal everything after they took their mental health break--they were, and are, going through an awful, awful time. They broke down and stated that they had been checked in and out of several mental health hospitals to focus on their severe depression and anxiety. They said that everything we RP-ed in the past was a lie. They were never r*ped, they didn’t sm*ke or take dr*gs, they never even s*lf harmed. Their excuse for what they did to not only the blog that I dreamed of being ‘fun’ and ‘a good time for everyone’ and to my own mental health, was that they were going through a bad time. I was heart broken. I couldn’t believe that they lied and abused the triggers that they clearly knew about on purpose, because ‘they were depressed’? And the other followers on my blog were staning and cheering for this person......

I never wanted to be bitter and resentful of the past, so I chose to forgive them. We continued to role play. Yes, we still have minor slip ups, but they never turned into anything as triggering as they did the very first years of the blog. However, there was something I never told them: While they were taking a mini vacation from tumblr, I felt the effects of all the social beatings I took weigh down on me. I needed to escape the atrocious time that I was put through for the other person. I made a new blog myself, and never told anyone. I was ranting and venting on that blog (now deleted) and basically roasting the shit out of them. I never named names or pointed fingers directly at them. I kept referring to them as ‘them’ since it wouldn’t give anyone specifically away. They later found the blog and asked me “This is gonna sound weird and ridiculous, but are you (insert blog)”. I explained to them that it was and told them everything that lead up to that point. When I finished my explanation, I thought I had nothing to worry about. After all, from one person suffering from mental health issues to another, I thought they would understand what I did better than anyone else

But what they said shocked me

“I’m sorry, I’m not so sure I believe that. Do you just hate me or something?”

They later said that they wanted to break it off, but I begged for them to stay friends with me. I was desperate for friends, since...I had none irl. They stayed with me and it stayed a thing of the past. But I’m starting to feel the after effects, once again, of their hurtful words

What do you think I should do? Should I just break it off? I’ve been going to therapy to boost my self confidence. Why do you think I kin Nagito and Mikan so much? I hate myself. Maybe that’s why I don’t wanna leave this toxic friendship--I’m so desperate for friends.....

I’m slowly, but surely, gaining some self respect for myself. I’m only realizing very recently how borderline abusive and toxic this friendship with this one person really is. Do I continue this, even after they apologized? Or do I end it, since they take away the ‘depression excuse’ safety net whenever I need it? 

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[milfisolde]

under read more bc i put too much effort into my ocs and there is A Lot. tw for violent stuff

this will be updated every time i think of something for him!

deviantart link

Rollick

“The Ravenous” ? idk I suck at titles

no accessories

Size reference

why does he have anime hair if hes a fish? because he’s my oc and i say so

I MADE ICONS FOR THE LOCATIONS AND CLASS AND OTHER CHAMPIONS’ ABILITIES AND TUMBLR WONT’T LET ME ADD THEM WITHOUT FUCKING THE WHOLE POST UP

Short crappy bio

A young shark-like Vastaya. Born in Ionia, west of the island Sudaro. He was captured as a child by  Bilgewater pirates after straying too close to the surface and being found. Was then put to work on the Slaughter Docks, and trained to hunt in the traditional Serpent Isles manner: “launching themselves at their targets to secure tow-hooks with their bare hands, and beginning to butcher the creatures while they yet lived.”.

I need to update myself on League lore, but I would like him 2 be acquaintances with Nami and Fizz. Also, Rollick would have heard stories about Pyke and would find him really cool. Ideally, he would have Johnny Yong Bosch as his voice actor because I love how he voiced Kung Jin in Mortal Kombat X, but I don’t know how he’d do with a pirate accent lmao.

Kit

Would be classed as a Fighter with the sub-class Diver. At least I think he would.  

His kit is basically just a mash-up of multiple champions with extra ingredients. Riot do it themselves, so I'm allowed to, too. Pirate lingo used for most of his abilities and voice lines b/c I'm not creative for naming things.

 Passive "Blow the Man Down." : A mash-up of Rengar and Darius' but more complicated. Auto-attacking 3 times in a row, or using abilities, gives his unused abilities 3 different tiers of empowerment. (Like, if you auto-attack 3 times, use W, then Q, his E will have tier 3 empowerment.). Tiers 2 and 3 gives the target bleed when hit by abilities, applying "Blood in the Water."  Applying the bleed multiple times makes it stack, tier 2 stacks like two stacks of tier 1 bleed, tier 3 stacks like two stacks of tier 2 bleed. How many times can it stack? Idk. 5? 7? 10?? ok probably not 10 that would be stupid.

2nd passive "Clipper." : Rollick moves faster in the river; this move speed scales with his normal move speed.

Q "Feed the Fish." : Tier 1 is a swipe in an AOE cone with his claws. Tier 2 is a small lunge in a targeted direction with two swipes, one with each hand. Tier 3 is a longer distance lunge with a bite. If tier 3 lands on a moving target (examples: scuttlecrab when it dashes, Ezreal using his E), it will follow the target like Warwick Q/Evelynn E. The bite will also heal him for a small amount.

W "Hook, Line, Sinker." : is like Rengar's Bola Strike with a wider but shorter range for tiers 1 and 2, but he leaps in the targeted direction at tier 3 and if he hits something, covers it with his net and stays on top of them for a short amount of time. Tier 2 spins the target around from they way Rollick throws his net and will turn the opposite direction of the way the target was originally standing. If you're facing Rollick and the tier 2 net hits you, your back is now turned to Rollick.

E "Chase." : Warwick Blood Hunt but either less or more annoying. Cooldown is shorter in duration, but so is its active. The passive part of it only shows paths to champions affected with a bleed, burn or poison DOT effect. (Includes: Rollick's "Blood in the Water", Darius'  "Hemorrhage", Brand's  "Blaze", Gangplank's  "Trial by Fire", Lillia's  "Dream Dust", Cassiopeia's  "Noxious Poison" and  "Debilitating Poison", Twitch's "Deadly Venom", Teemo's  "Toxic Shot" and  "Noxious Trap", Singed's  "Poison Trail", the  "Scorch" rune,  "Ignite" summoner spell,  "Challenging Smite" summoner spell, "Azakana Gaze" from  Demonic Embrace, and "Torment" from  Liandry's Anguish.

R "Cleave 'Em to the Brisket!" : Similar to Skarner's "Impale". Rollick takes the hooked blade he has on his belt and lunges at the target, stabbing into the enemy champion's chest with his chest to their back, and drags them away. "Cleave 'Em to the Brisket!" can only be used on a champion that has their back turned towards Rollick. It applies a tier 3 "Blood in the Water." upon use. It can yank champions out of  Displacement Immunity, but doesn't suppress the target champion entirely, they are still able to use dash and blink abilities, use Thresh's  "Dark Passage", recast  "Death Sentence" , and use most movement summoner spells ( Flash, Hexflash, Mark/Dash), but if they do, half of their current HP is taken away from the hooked knife being dragged/yanked out of them. If you are 30% HP and you use one of the movement abilities mentioned, you will leave with 15% HP and two stacks of tier 3 bleed. For 5 seconds after using his ult, Rollick uses his knife to attack, gaining increased auto-attack range and his autos apply a tier 1 bleed stack per hit. The enhanced auto-attacks drag his targets towards him because of the hook part in his knife getting caught on them.

Animation ideas

(I used google to find every gif/picture, save for the “dance” one. they have tumblr links bc when writing this tumblr shit itself when i wanted to save it as a draft and i kept it open in a different tab and copy/pasted everything. im sorry some of the gifs are weird aslkfjdjf)

Walking animation is him using his arms and tail to "crawl". imagine the gif has a tail instead of legs

Running animation is the same concept, just with much more effort put into making himself move faster. Moving in the river looks more like he’s swimming rather than crawling. Slowed animation is him dragging himself slowly with his head facing the ground, putting weight on his elbows instead of using his arms completely. Like an army crawl but in pain.

Idle animation is him crossing his arms and resting on his elbows, then looking around and inspecting his claws.

If left in idle animation for more than 15 seconds, he drops down completely and puts his head in his arms and dozes off. Moving after the sleep idle will have him shake his head awake when starting to move.

Death animation is him trying to crawl, being unable to, then collapsing on his side and flopping onto his back.

Taunt animation is him straightening himself then lashing out with his hands and baring his teeth before "biting" the air in the direction he’s standing, voice lines coming out before the bite part.

Joke animation is him chasing his own tail? Maybe he gets tangled in his net after doing it for a second and just struggles there until the animation is interrupted.

Dance is uh. He straightens up and does knife tricks. He doesn’t have legs, doesn’t have a staff like Nami, and just wouldn’t dance like Cassiopeia.

I made the gif using footage from here.

His laugh animation would be him laughing and flopping onto his back, then turning back onto his stomach. All but one of his laughs would be loud and hearty, the one that isn’t would sound like Kung Jin’s laugh.

Voice line ideas

First encounters:

Bilgewater/Bilgewater themed champion:

"Ahoy!" "Ahoy, bucko!" "Ahoy, scallywag."

Multiple champions simultaneously/champions who have a visible partner/partners with them (examples: Kindred, Sejuani, Lulu with Pix, Elise with her Spiderlings, Azir with his Sand Soldiers):

"Ahoy, me hearties."

Pyke:

"Pyke?! I’ve heard stories of you! Though… You’re smaller than I had imagined..." "Hey there, old salt! " "Ahoy, seadog! "

Nami:

"Good to see a friendly face! Shame it’s on the wrong side." "Oh! Little lass! Have you found your stone yet? "

Fizz:

"Little trickster! Where’s your big friend? "

Illaoi:

“Test? Gonna get myself an A-plus-plus! …That’s the good grade, right?

Taunts:

Any champion:

"Scurvy dog! " "AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! "

Bird/bird themed/winged champion:

"Polly want a cracker? "

Tahm Kench:

“The only creature with an appetite bigger than mine” “You put me to shame with that maw of yours! You could fit me in it!”

Abilities/eliminations:

Tier 3 "Feed the Fish.":

(after used on champion wearing armour/with tough skin)

"Ouch… I think I broke a tooth. Good thing I got more. "

(after used on champion with fur/feathers/long hair)

" (violent spitting-out-fluff noises) Blegh! "

Tier 1 and 2 "Hook, Line, Sinker. ":

"Catch! " "Avast, ye! "

Tier 2 "Hook, Line, Sinker. " after turning someone around:

"Bring a spring upon ‘er! " "Broadside! "

Using "Chase. " with a DOT’d champion in range:

"Chum in the water…" " (deep inhale, then a rumbling growl) "

Using "Chase. " with affected champion visible:

"Lookin’ a bit squiffy there…" " (laughter) Yesss… "

Eliminate champion:

"Take a caulk. "

Eliminate champion while using "Cleave ‘Em to the Brisket!" or the enhanced auto-attacks after:

"Hah, keelhauled! " “Taste me steel n’ may the devil take ye!”

“PENTAKILL!”:

"Dead men tell no tales…"

Respawn:

"What a flogging…" "Alright, I’ve fed the fish… Now it’s their turn. "

Pings:

(Danger!):

"Heave to! " "Avast ye! "

(Assist me!):

"All hand hoy! " "All hands on deck! "

(Assist me!) followed up by (On my way!), or vice versa:

"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! "

(Area is warded.):

"They’ve got a lookout. "

(Target champion):

"Thar she blows! " "Sail, ho! " "Savvy? " "Hang ‘em from the Yardarm! "

Miscellaneous:

Allied champion drinks potion or gets healed by another ally when Rollick has missing HP:

"Splice the mainbrace! Please?"

Alone with low HP, no potions or actives available, or sells all items:

"Looks like I’m marooned…"

Healed by ally:

"Feeling shipshape!" "Much obliged." "I’m in your debt." "Thank you!" "Thanks!"

Receives shutdown gold:

"Ha-ha! Plundered! " “Bounty taken.”

Flashing away from enemy:

"Blimey! " "Gah!” "Sink me! " " (girly shriek) "