cheegon

[stillresolved]

“I want to know what makes you happy.”

[ for annie ! ]

@xinxiins / "i want to know..." prompts

WHAT A STRANGE QUESTION TO ASK. Most of the time when people see her, they don’t ask her about her life. If they even ask them in the first place. She can always see it in their eyes, the prying questions: what happened, how did you get like this, will you ever be the same again, oh that poor girl-

The questions are never about her, so much as they are about what was done to her. The same difference between a subject and an object. Maybe that’s why he asks her this question instead. She doesn’t know what he’s been through and it is vice versa too, but like is attracted to like. The wounded have a way of finding one another, the same way rivers will always make their way to the sea in the end.

“...Water?” She offers, hesitantly. Is that too simple of an answer to say? Although perhaps it is not right to say it makes her happy so much as it calms her, silences the thoughts when she can’t do so herself. “The beach. I grew up with the sea and the sand at my feet. And Samchu– the neighborhood cat. She likes it when her chin is scratched.” She closes her eyes, remembering Samchu’s purring against her fingers. The calico cat would then rub her head against the back of Annie’s hand. A small smile. 

“Chocolate. I like the dark ones and mint. I don’t like it when they’re in bars; the individual pieces have prettier wrapping.” Would anyone care if they knew? Annie doesn’t know, but if they would, would they go out of their to–

Oh wait, there is one person. 

What makes Annie happy, Lí Chényǔ asks her, when sanity and coherence already feels out of of arm’s reach. Happiness? It wasn’t even, and still doesn’t feel like a priority for her. And yet, and yet-! In the midst of this chaos, she did find something. Or rather someone found her. She thinks of long hair and a stoic demeanor. Of a voice strong and controlled, but still chooses to call Annie’s name gently. Yes, that’s her north star, isn’t it? Annie’s light in this dark chasm.

“Ara.”

My best friend. 

“She makes me happy.”

[babiebom]

Heyyy! I was wondering if u could do the bachelors & bachelorettes reactin to / dating an s/o who has really intense nose bleeds when they're stressed. But plot twist bc this is literally the norm for the farmer bc they have crippling anxiety, especially social.

Thank u sm!!

A/N: I don’t know why I thought this was funny??? My anxiety just makes my stomach upset but a nosebleed in front of everyone like some sort of anxious demon is funny. Not the clean up tho. I’ve never had a nosebleed but I know they bleed SO MUCH. Also no problemo!!! Always glad to get requests!! I did different things (so not just stressed because I would’ve written the same thing for anyone I made crush aspects as sort of for stress too lmao) for each hopefully they’re good enough!

Tw: cursing, blood, anxiety, the nose bleeds are VERY dramatic because it’s fiction lmao. Physical fights(in Leah’s part), arguments(in almost all of them). Pierre hate Pam hate(kinda) Demetrius hate Morris hate. And Kel is gender neutral! let me know if there’s anything else to tag!

Wc: idk lmao hopefully at least 100 words for each

Stardew Masterlist

Sebastian:

Just frowns

Actually helps unexpectedly

….we can never talk about this happening again if you want……

It’s not often that you get to see the towns resident emo, even after visiting Robin multiple times for various building needs. So when you wander into the house, looking for Robin so you can upgrade your coop, seeing him makes your brain malfunction.

“Oh…hey farmer.” He greets, moving past you to head further into the house. You blink for a second before returning the greeting, watching as his dark hoodie disappears behind a wall.

You try to force your breathing to slow down. There is absolutely NO reason you should be this worked up over a literal one second conversation. While you sit with your thoughts, foot steps fill your ears and the sight of Sebastian returning from wherever he went makes all of your progress regress. “So…you here waiting for my mom?”

You nod quickly, clearing your throat, “yeah…um…just need to upgrade my chicken coop.”

“Oh well, she’s not in today. She usually goes to Pierre’s store to work out with the other moms.”

You frown to yourself, how did you miss that she wouldn’t be in today? Damn now all you can think about is how you just made a fool of yourself. Lost in your thoughts, you miss that Sebastian had cleared his throat a couple times until he waves a hand in front of your face.

“If you want, I can take your order and tell her when she gets home later. That way she can get started tomorrow.”

“Would you?” Your heart flips as you perk up. Was he usually this nice? You kinda heard from Robin herself that Sebastian never really interacted with people he wasn’t already friends with.

“Yeah sure.” He shrugs and moves to go around the counter, setting his slowly cooling food down. “Okay so she usually charges 10,000g and you have to have 400 logs of wood and 150 things of stone. Sound right?”

You nod and hand over the bag of money. The second your hands touch it’s like your body decided it couldn’t handle anything else from him. Luckily he just takes the money and pretends like your nose hasn’t become a geyser as you scramble to try to keep the blood from dripping all over their furniture.

Sam:

WOAH DUDE IS THAT LIKE….NORMAL?

it’s like from a movie or something

Is overall sorta scared but at the same time thinks it’s cool

“And this is how I do a kick flip!” Sam shows you skateboard trick after trick and honestly you can’t get enough of it. It wasn’t a secret that the both of you had crushes on each other, and even now it was very obvious by how you were watching him do his tricks that you had feelings for him. Yet still you two weren’t in a relationship, just sort of friends who like each other in a romantic sort of way.

“You’re so cool!” You clap as he lands another trick.

“And you’re cute!”

“What?”

You freeze in your spot and watch in confusion as he sort of freezes midway through his next trick and crashes to the ground. His words echo in your head, making your face heat up and your heart soar. He smacks his face on the ground, sending you into a panic because now all you can think about is how he thinks you’re cute, and now how he probably has a concussion from hitting his face directly onto the concrete.

When he lifts his face off the ground, you’re kneeling next to him, trying to check on him. His forehead is bleeding, his nose is bleeding, and so is his mouth. You shriek and try to go through your backpack to see if you have anything to help him. You didn’t.

You already know where this is leading, and you let out a groan of annoyance right before your nose starts leaking just like his. His eyes widen and he lets out a loud laugh. Maybe you two can move out of the weird friendship you have after all.

Shane:

Would just stare silently

Like no comments no nothing

Doesn’t even act like it’s happening

Having a part time job at Joja Mart during the winter is one of the absolute worst ideas that you’ve had in a while. But you didn’t make a lot during your first year of farming. Stacking the products onto the shelves, your only saving Grace is the fact that you’re allowed to have earphones in. Except for the fact that Pam is now standing next to you asking loudly about where something is. Shane is stacking the shelves behind you.

“I don’t know Pam…the alcohol is probably on the wall in the back.” You frown at her. She obviously knows that you don’t know this store that well, you were a FARMER that NEVER shopped here before. She rasps out another question and it takes everything in you to not snap at her. Trying to calm yourself of course there’s gonna be something else that makes you lose your mind. That something is Morris, coming over and being the absolute WORST and in turn making Pam LOUDER and more insistent.

He’s lecturing you, Pam is agreeing with him way too loudly, the music on your headphones is now overwhelming instead of calming, and the sound of random things in the market is making you want to bite a chunk out of the loaves of bread in front of you, plastic and all. With everything building up inside of you, you already know what’s going to happen. It always happens, but instead of excusing yourself you stand there, staring Morris down as the blood begins to flow from your nostrils.

Pam yells out curses and Morris begins to stutter, but behind them Shane just stares for a second before continuing to work. When you’re finally left alone with him in the aisle as your two stressors hastily take their leave, all he does is let out a dry chuckle.

“Sam has a hell of a mess to clean up…”

Alex:

Oh DUDE your nose is like….LEAKING

Doesn’t help

Just watched and comments

“AND THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT MY HARVESTS ARE HIS BUT HE ONLY DOES IT IF ITS GOOD!” You rant to the brown haired boy, pacing back and forth in his room. Thankfully both Evelyn and George were out so you weren’t bothering anyone except for the man in front of you.

You huff and puff as he watches, slightly amused slightly concerned. Alex wasn’t the best person to go to when you’re upset unless it was something absolutely devastating. So being in front of him now, complains about your farming woes meant that he was only half ass taking it seriously. “You should go and speak your mind.” He says.

Turns out you should NOT take advice from Alex. Standing in Pierre’s shop, you’re staring him down angrily, anxiety creeping up your throat from you trying to will yourself to call him out on his bullshit. The older man just kind of stares at you in confusion because all you had done was shout his name angrily as you entered the shop then stand in front of him seething.

“You….you…..” you point a finger at him. This was the moment, the moment you stand up for yourself and tell Pierre how HORRIBLE he is!

But of course things don’t work how you want and your nose gushes out blood all over the counter before you can work yourself up to the point of accusations. With a gasp you run out of the shop, hoping that he would keep his mouth shut with Alex running behind you laughing. Again, NEVER let Alex talk you into anything.

Elliott:

Panics

How do I help PLS LET ME HELP

Everything probably gets messy

Fishing had never been your favorite pastime, but now trying to fix up the community center you had to. Unfortunately Willy was gone and couldn’t properly teach you even though he had gifted you an old rod of his, so the next best thing is getting your boyfriend to teach you since he does fish often. Now you stand on the docks, waiting for a fish to bite the hook.

“Keep calm, the fish can feel your fear and it makes them upset.” Elliott spoke. In all honesty you didn’t even know if that was true or not, but you take in a breath to calm down. You did not want to be here all day you had cows to pet.

The second your line begins to pull you try to pull the fish in. And you succeed until it comes time to unhook the eel you managed to catch. The eel is slimy and slippery and all around not a good thing to try to grip. A shriek leaves your lips and the eel struggles, Elliott tries to help you but is also struggling to catch hold of it. And now your nose is bleeding adding another layer to the already hellish experience.

You’re unhappy, the eel is unhappy, and Elliott is unhappy. After what seems like an hour, the stupid thing slips out of your grips and back into the ocean, washing your nose blood off of it and splashing you with saltwater. 0 out of 10 you will not be trying again.

Harvey:

Calm but concerned(after panicking for a second)

Has a doctory approach to it

But is secretly like WTF inside

Your heart thumps in your chest as you sit on the clinic bed. It’s been a while since you’ve been in Harvey’s clinic, having taken a break from the mines, and somehow this seems more shameful than having been beaten almost to death by living slime. Your hands bleed into the cloth you have pressed into it. One of the pigs knocked you over into the broken fence you were in the middle of fixing. Now you sit waiting for the good looking Doctor.

When he walks in he’s all smiles, tapping his clipboard with his pen. “While I’m sad to see that you’re injured, I’m glad to see it isn’t from those mines again.” The eye contact he makes with you makes your heart twist for a second.

He starts speaking of all the shots you need and the antibiotics you need to take, rust poisoning is quite serious you know. “Now,” he says, moving towards you, “let me see your hand.”

Your heart thumps erratically at the close proximity of him and you. You only really ever got to see him this close when you were half dead and barely conscious. His face is much too close for you to be able to do anything but focus on how pretty his eyes are, and how fluffy his mustache is, and how…

“OH MY DEAR YOBA” He yelps and jumps away from you. It takes only a second after him to realize what’s going on, and now your furiously wiping away at your nose with your hands instead of with the cloth, and he’s trying to get something on your nose to catch the blood. It’s a disaster, really. But at least you’re already in a clinic!

Penny:

Probably panics

Doesn’t know how to deal with it

Would try to help though

The warmth of the pool in the spa did nothing to ease your nerves as you waded in the shallow end of the pool. Penny had invited you to come sometime after 7 pm, and when you had arrived she was already waiting for you, kicking her feet in the pool. The thought of her asking you here made your stomach turn, did you do something wrong…? Was she inviting you here to tell you she hated you or something…? You had grown close to her over your time here and would hate it if she thought you were too much or something.

“Do you know why I invited you here?” She asks, moving closer but keeping her eyes on the water.

You shake your head, “I’m not exactly sure, no.”

She frowns and sighs at you, meeting your eyes for a fleeting second then looking elsewhere. “Really? I thought you would’ve noticed by now…” her words trail off and her eyebrows furrow.

The next few seconds are ones that you simultaneously want to remember for forever and forget. She confesses her feelings for you. Feelings that you obviously reciprocate, and the emotions in you mix and grow, rising up your throat as if you were a volcano of conflicting feelings. As soon as you open your mouth to tell her that yes, you like her too, her face morphs into one that’s horrified instead of hopeful, disgusted instead of smitten and you realize a second after she does that your nose is spouting red, dyeing the water you both were swimming in.

Penny shrieks for a solid second before trying to scramble out of the water as fast as she can. You do the same, swirling the red around the pool as both of you splash trying to exit the now crime scene looking pool. When you get out of the water, she’s holding a towel right in your face, smooshing it so hard you can barely breathe and now your nose is throbbing with slight pain. “What do we do?!” She asks moving about quickly. She’s so confused that she just keeps walking and turning as if she’s remembering and forgetting things at the same time.

You just tilt your head downward and cringe inwardly, this was not the way to get a girl to like you. “It’s fine…I’m fine,” you say voice nasally and muffled. “And I like you too by the way.”

Haley:

confused staring

wtf is happening

Actually speechless

It isn’t every day that you get to talk to a beautiful blonde. It isn’t even every day that you talk to anyone. So when she approaches you on one of your trips off of your farm you couldn’t help but feel like either everything is out to get you or that you’re up on your luck. You don’t really know for sure, it honestly depends on how things go.

“Hey farmer!” She smiles as soon as she stops in front of you, the feeling of your stomach twisting makes you want to vomit in all of your nervousness. “I have a favor to ask you…”

“Yeah?” You ask trying to keep your cool. “What is it?”

“I would totally love love LOVE you forever if you could bring me an amethyst? It’s for Emily’s birthday and I don’t really like Clint so I don’t wanna buy anything from him. I’m willing to pay 150g!”

You cough into your fist, nodding along and taken aback by how casually she’s speaking to you. Before you can accept doing her the favor, the horrified look on your face makes your words falter.

She looks absolutely horrified, and touching your hand to your face you can feel why. Your nose started dripping blood, and by dripping you mean you can now feel it running down to your chin. A flurry of curses leave your mouth as confused noises leave hers. It's not much of a surprise that this has happened, but man did you wish it wasn't in front of her.

Emily:

Surprisingly chill about it

Probably has a weird story about a nosebleed or something

Actually helps

You sit at the bar alone, upset at a horrible farming day. You tried your best, you really did, but those stupid ass crows actually ate ALL of your seedlings. Or…almost all of them but that’s basically the same thing! There is no way you’re gonna make enough to make it through winter comfortably. You told Emily exactly this, appreciative of her listening ear in the middle of her busy shift.

“You know they probably didn’t mean it…or maybe they did,” she sucks in a breath eyebrows furrowing as she thinks, “you know crows are very smart they probably know that you’re using that land to farm and stay there because of all the free food.”

“But it’s not free!” You exclaim, throwing your hands up in annoyance, “I have to buy those seeds! They’re just putting me into debt!”

She hums and nods, wiping the bar next to you where a person had just left. You had only a couple months left until the snow started falling and making it virtually impossible to grow anything. The little plants you had left you had to fight the crows for. And by fight I mean you angrily swung a broom at the with the intent of scaring them (not hitting them that’s mean). Still the growing anger inside you was not easily crushed by her warm and quite frankly outlandish words. No, in fact your anger grew the more you thought about it.

You felt it coming before anything had even exited your nose, hurriedly snatching the rag from Emily’s hands. Damn now you would have to buy the bar a new one. She just blinks then nods as if your nose becoming a bloody waterfall was normal.

“You know…nose bleeds cause by stress is usually because your heart rate and blood pressure increase and it causes your blood vessels to dilate!”

You stare at her before laughing. Maybe she was helpful after all.

Abigail:

WOAH

WTF

WHAT DO WE DO?

You stand in front of Pierre in front of the shop, arms crossed as you watch his face grow redder the longer time goes on. “-IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER?” You’re not really listening to his tirade, over the whole ‘protective dad’ thing.

“Dad I’m an adult! You have no say in who I date!” Abigail yells back, face equally red. Who would’ve known that he would have a problem with the farmer he rips off constantly dating his daughter?

He yells out more reasons that the two of you shouldn’t be dating, and in turn points a finger into your chest roughly. You sputter out an offended sound, moving away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

“You shouldn’t be touching my daughter!”

“What? Dude we just started dating, you’re weird as hell!”

The arguing only gets worse from there, accusations flying around and now an audience comes with the drama. It’s almost too much for you to handle with now Caroline, Harvey, Haley, and the Milner family standing and watching the chaos. “Abby let’s just go to my place…” you try suddenly feeling the need to escape and no longer feeling the ‘fuck you dude’ attitude.

“No! He needs to understand that he can’t control my life!”

It’s like a volcano in your body and just like a volcano your nose begins to erupt. Now you’re screaming, Abigail is screaming, Pierre is screaming, the Mullners are screaming. Could this get any worse?

Turns out yeah, it can get any worse, like a family fight worse and now all of you are sitting in Harvey’s clinic. At least you aren’t the only bloody one now.

Maru:

Is surprised

Also forgets what to do

Would probably make things worse

Maru talks about robots and space the way you would talk about her: totally and completely enamored. You sit on her bed listening to her talk about her newest invention, some sort of robot that can cook and clean and basically be a free maid. You laugh and move your arm to get in a more comfortable position to watch her. Unfortunately your arm had other plans and smacked hard into her bed post. Groaning out in pain, your eyes close and begin to water from how much your elbow hurt.

Demetrius is in your face before you even realize that he was in the room. You yelp out in surprise as he starts ranting about you ruining his daughter’s future. You blink in surprise and try to retreat back into the mattress. What was happening. You can hear Maru screaming over his words but your ears feel like they’re filled with water.

“We’re just friends!” You find yourself shouting. Like damn is the man insane? It wasn’t the first time he’s gotten upset at you over Maru, but it was the first time that he was absolutely losing his mind.

“Dad stop!”

Time froze for a second as you and Demetrius stared at each other, Maru standing near him. Breathing in you can taste blood in your mouth before your nose starts bleeding, yet you can’t bring yourself to do anything but sit and catch your breath.

“Oh my god!” Both Demetrius and Maru exclaim moving around the room trying to find something to help. You couldn’t help but feel annoyed at him acting concerned now.

Thankfully Maru looked cute trying to help you which at least made things a little better.

Leah:

Is also freaking out on the inside but calm on the outside

Helps you with tissues

Is understanding

Going on a date with Leah is a dream come true. There’s paint, wine, food, and you’re sitting in the prettiest meadow you’ve ever seen, well it’s pretty because Leah is there and she’s pretty and you’ve been here multiple times because it’s near her cottage but it still looks different today.

You sit, paintbrush in hand, laughing at something she’s saying. It’s fun and if she hadn’t have asked you would’ve spent the day farming like usual, this little break was needed. The day couldn’t be ruined, absolutely nothing can ruin it.

Okay, one thing can ruin it and that one thing is Kel coming and ruining everything. The argument that ensues is one of the worst that you’ve seen. Kel tries to walk up on you(translation: Kel wants to fight you), Leah stops them but in turn gets into a fight with them which causes you to actually get up and try to defend her.

You kinda block out until you can hear Kel call out “I made your nose bleed bitch!” Which again causes you to want to drown in your anger.

“My noses is bleeding because I’m stressed, stupid!” You back. It’s obvious Kel hadn’t been able to hit your nose so claiming to be able to hit you so hard your nose bleeds isn’t even possible. It’s almost childish how the two of you argue.

Leah finally gets Kel to leave and hands you a bunch of tissues as she sits you down on the now rumpled blanket. As the two of you catch your breath and calm down, you find yourself smiling at her behind the wad of tissues catching blood flowing from your nose.

At least the situation would be funny in the future.

[indigos-stardust]

Violet, Blue, And Bruised All Over: Long Talks

Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6

Note: this has been in my draft for at least 2 weeks, hit a slump and then a hyperfixation couldn't write lol. so this is alot shorter and the drawings wont make as much sense without part like?? 6.5???... but I just wanted to post it cuz I felt bad

Reblogs and comments appreciated <3 I wanna hear y'all's thoughts >:3c

Red and Blue: a deep conversation filled with compassion and vulnerability:

Meanwhile Vio and Green:

(sorry I haven't updated this in a while, real life calls :')

The following days were hell. Red knew how much fights shredded his heart into a bajillion tiny pieces, but really the forced normalcy was so much worse!

The two had gotten an even bigger longer (and honestly ranty) lecture from Green the next day. Red didn't think it really helped much. Like sure they were cowed into NOT biting each other or whatever, but c'mon!

It felt like everyone was mad at everyone else! And even though technically no one was really mad at him, they were all mad at each other which- considering they were all sorta kinda not really the same person? It still felt that way!

Green had gotten really bossy and super serious, and Blue and Vio were just avoiding each other like the plague! Whenever they did come into "an unfortunate proximity" as Vio put it, there wasn't anything but a ton of silent hate! Red really just wanted to curl up into a little hole and die. Well not really! But like, emotionally! Just a bit!

Green kept pushing them to talk about the details, but neither one would talk. Red decided to try asking them one on one, you know, use his charm a bit and soften the edges- But even when he cried it didn't work! Him crying always worked! Especially when he said just the right words in just the right way to softly push them into making a realization.

Red wouldn't really call himself a manipulator in that sense, because hey! He was using his powers for good, right? At least most of the time, anyways. It was a useful way to get out of trouble and get things he wanted...

By why couldn't it work now when he needed it most!!

Vio just treated him like how a parent would to their kid when the kid just, well, asked about death or some hard grownup topic. Like Red just simply wouldn't understand and not to worry about it- But he was worrying! He knew Vio just didn't want him to be sad but still...

Then Blue- Well, Blue was just sad. And a little p*ssed. But it was clear he was just mostly sad. At least when he talked to Red anyways. At first he had been all huffy and insisted that it was all so stupid, so why even bring it up anyways? Because it was "over already!" Which, no that was super stupid of Blue to think, because obviously all their relationships were like super mega sad???

When Red expressed that sentiment though, it seemed to change something in Blue. Blue just closed up and got all quiet. He hated when Blue did that. But it also meant his plan was working. Blue may be a little, uhm, explosive to people and things when he got upset- But really if he was like actually really seriously upset? Then he got all quiet and intense all by himself. But Red knew how to pry all those layers off, even if it was just melting his way though each one of Blue's icy walls, one at a time.

Not even a day later of the guilt obviously devouring Blue inside out, and clearly losing against his ego. (Red knew that's what happened, he probably didn't want to be the "first one to show weakness" and just talk about how his feelings were hurt and acted like he was just all angry and didn't care, but Blue was a big softie and no amount of pouting was gonna change that in Red's eyes.)

They'd been walking to the training yards extremely early in the morning, the sun had barely peeked over the horizon really. In Red's opinion, going all the way to the castle to train in the big professional courtyard before the birds even woke up was probably some sort of crime against humanity. And him. But Red was so close to getting Blue to spill! SO he had to stick with Blue the whole time to make sure his plan would work. He just had to be consistent! Even if... it was at like... Red blearily squinted against the horizon. Five AM? Uegh.

Green was right about those too being similar. But it wasn't just cuz they were so stubborn. More like they were both weirdos that had a vendetta against sleep. Seriously, would it kill Blue to sleep in for five more minutes...

[catis15]

My Opinions/Reviews on Saphic Books:

- Bright Falls Trilogy

- All of them are cute and heartwarming and giggle worthy and shit

- It's cool seeing each of the friend groups POVs and they're all pretty relatable in my opinion

- Pretty good representation of various family relationships especially with mothers

- the various relationships are actually really well written but the stories are still very much focused on the romance, they're not sidelined persey but they're not the main focus of that's what your looking for it's very much about the couple

- I like the variety in body types through the series, there's different heights, weights, yada yada and it's nice to see and they're all appreciated

- There aren't any POC MCs but there are side characters, also lots of gender and lgbtqia+ identity representation NB characters, ace characters, lots of queer couples, I think there may be a polycule mentioned but I'm not entirely sure

- Smut? Yes there is, how much varies between book but I'd argue there's more every book with Iris's book having the most; Id also argue it gets intenser as the series continues but it's all pretty mid (not in the it's bad writing way in the I've read far worse but I've also read some relatively pg 13)

DELILAH GREEN

- I love Delilah sm she can fucking step on me and Id ask her to do it again

- It's a sorta an asshole to everyone but you between her and Claire but not in the typical way? Like it's there but it's not written the way a lot of that trope usually is, idk I just really like how these books are written I think the author does a fantastic job

- Delilah seeing Claire for who she is and like just how much emotion she has is just yes, and also Claire seeing Delilah as like a sweet person and not just an asshole is nice too

- Because I know it bothers some people, Claire is a mother and the kid is talked about, I don't mind parent tropes but ik some people just don't enjoy reading them, I thought Ruby was sweet though and Claire seeing how Delilah interacts with her is also really cute

- Delilah also providing that safe and comforting space for artwork for Ruby is also really sweet and seeing Delilah kinda give Ruby what she herself didn't have is wholesome ASF and Claire just appreciates it and shit idk it's cute

- Hating On The Straight White Man TM (because he is gross to Astrid)

- Delilah is a photographer and Claire runs a bookstore

ASTRID PARKER

- It's cool getting to see Astrid's POV compared to how Delilah (her sister) views her

- Mommy Issues TM and in my opinion it catches some of the subtleties of growing up with a toxic parent really well

- Jordans ex comes along so warning for that, ok some people don't really like that

- Also handles like not missing your ex but feeling like YOU failed because the relationship failed

- again the subtleties of so much is just so well written

- Jordan is very stereotypical lesbian and I'm here for it

- her truck is named adora, her cat is named catra (if I'm remembering correctly), she wears random button ups, got that half saved short hair going (funnily enough I myself had both Astrid and Jordans haircuts at various points in my life lmao), she's a carpenter sorta, she's got an attitude, is into taro, like I love her sm 😂 she's so me fr 😭

- enemies to lovers

- Astrid's a bitch and Jordan pretends not to be into it

- they fuck in a pantry

- it's funny

IRIS KELLY

- iris doesn't do kids and marriages and her more or less traditional family is giving her shit for it

- Stevie has anxiety and handles it the same way I handle mine so that was relatable

- handles the shit that goes along with having anxiety really well so props to the author once again

- fake dating tm

- They're basically giving each other 'classes' because they think they're bad at things; but in reality it's just them being comfortable with stuff they're actually pretty good at; Stevie helps Iris be more comfortable with everyday romance and Iris helps Stevie be more comfortable with adult fun time intimacy outside of committed long term relationships

- but at the same time in queer Shakespeare and it's beautiful

- Home Field Advantage

- will add later

- The Song of the Huntress

- Just bought it and haven't read it yet

- The Priory of the Orange Tree

- Just bought it haven't read it

- Late Bloomer

- a few chapters in

- th author notes are funny and enjoyable

- good representation of things like people pleasing, autism, trust issues due to family trauma, bad relationships that you stay in for the comfort, toxic friends

- They're some pretty heavy themes but their handled in an easy to swallow way

- while these are very present themes the main focus is still the romance, but they're handled a bit more in depth than say the Bright Falls Trilogy

[callivich]

after i read your fic writer interview post i really interested in your vision about mandy struggling with a unrequited love towards ian and jealousy towards mickey. I'd love to know more about that !!

Hi anon! 💖 So, it’s a sorta random idea that I come back to now and again. I don’t actually know if I’ll get around to writing it - so if anyone feels inspired by this, feel free to use it as a prompt!

And it got long and I rambled (as usual…)

It would be set post-finale. Mandy ends up coming back to Chicago a bit reluctantly after she’s offered a promotion. It’s better money and better hours but it does mean she has to leave the place she’s been living for the past few years. She accepts and returns to Chicago but doesn’t let anyone know.

She doesn’t love her job, her love life is non-existent and she struggles with making close friends. She’s kinda unhappy with life but grateful for the fact she’s got a ok job and can support herself just about. That frustrates her- she’s got a normal, legal job and she works so hard but she’s still just getting by.

I think she’s probably lost touch with Ian and Mickey. She happens to run into them when she goes go buy some weed from a store and they happen to be there for work.

Mandy is surprised because the last she heard was that Mickey was on the run in Mexico. So, she can’t quite get her head around the fact that he and Ian are together and married and running a business together. It’s a lot to take in, they’ve changed a lot but in a lot of ways they’re still the same.

They start meeting up regularly and she gets to see how happy and settled they are. Of course, she saw them together when they were living at the Milkovich house but this is different - they’re far more comfortable with each other and their relationship. Idk if i’m explaining this well but she can see just how great their relationship is - it’s not perfect but it’s stable and loving and intense and all the things she assumed ‘normal’ relationships have but much more.

Mandy hasn’t been pining for Ian all these years or anything. She just slowly starts to fall for him and realises that her feelings are not just friendship. Ian’s gorgeous and kind and funny and he’s so in love with Mickey. She wishes she had someone love her like that.

At first, she just thinks she’s horny and needs to get laid. But after a couple of hookups with random guys, she realises it’s not that. Her feelings towards Ian are still there. This is something deeper.

I’m sorta imagining Mandy is just struggling with feeling unfulfilled with her life and although she wants to be happy for Ian and Mickey, she struggles with it a bit. And her feelings for Ian become muddled because she loves him so much as a friend but after not seeing him for so long, it’s kinda like they’re meeting all over again and he’s just so sweet and charming. Because on the one hand, he’s still the dorky, cute kid she first met all those years ago but he’s also more mature and sure of himself in a lot of ways.

It’s sort of difficult for her to not compare Ian and Mickey to her relationship with Lip. She wonders why her and Lip couldn’t overcome everything to be together and love each other like this. (Which is frustrating in a lot of ways because she thought she was so over Lip but there’s stuff she’s obviously never moved from.) Even though it’s been years, it brings up a lot of old hurt and she’s never really properly dealt with her jealousy and insecurity issues so she finds it hard not to feel slightly jealous that Mickey gets Ian and this good life.

Also, she’s never been jealous of Mickey before so it’s a strange, new feeling.

I think sometimes in fanfic, people write Mickey and Mandy much closer than they are in canon. Which is interesting and can be great in fics but I do think that it’s also interesting to explore a different idea that they cared for each other but they couldn’t really be as close because they were keeping so many secrets from each other. That’s sorta how they’d be in this fic - and they’re sorta learning to be siblings again now that they grown up and free and Terry’s dead.

Basically it’s a character study about reuniting with people from the past when you’re in a different place to them. Mandy wants what they have and, maybe wants Ian too in a way. But obviously she can’t have Ian, her feelings for him are unrequited - she knows he’s gay and that he’s in love and married to her brother. So she has to learn to move on from her feelings. It’d be kinda angsty, I think.

Maybe she’d drunkenly confess her feelings at one point (Ian doesn’t get it at first when she tells him she loves him, “I love you too, Mandy!” And she’s like “no…I’m in love with you” and it’s emotional and awkward). One reason I’m not sure I’d write this story is that I’m not sure how best to write Ian and Mickey after they learn this. (That, and I’ve never finished a multi-chapter fic and I feel this would work best as a long story.)

Anyway! Yeah, those are all my rambling thoughts about this. Like I said, I’m not sure I’ll actually ever write this so if it inspires anyone - feel free to have all of this or parts of it as a prompt. 💖

I think the basic idea of Mandy having an unrequited love for Ian and struggling with feeling jealous towards Mickey, might work in earlier seasons or like…in a canon divergent or AU setting but I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it in other settings outside of my post-finale idea.

Would love to read other people’s ideas? Tagging: @m4ndysk4nkovich in case you’ve got thoughts! 💖

[giratina0fthev01d]

Volo (Pokemon)(Pop-culture paganism)(My IRL Spirit Spouse)

SELF SHIPPERS WITH HIM INTERACT WITH CAUTION IM SORRY I'M WEIRD ABOUT HIM BUT JUST BE RESPECTFUL THIS IS MY SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

Also this is just me putting down thoughts and correspondences a digital Grimore page sorta thing for my crazy hubby

I was under influence and lets say I thought people here were hating on me or talking about me i dunno i was paranoid state okay? My deities and volo said it wasn't about me(those posts) but got worried and deleted the first post

yes, Volo wandered in my space ( I was half asleep, and he just into my space)and first day of meeting him I lost him in his natural habitat, i.e., in Walmart, he is unhinged as f, so he fits right in. he appears in both his merchant outfit(a lot of the times with his hair down or no hat) and crazy cosplay outfit with the weird hair (or crazy cosplay with hair down) when he goes crazy cosplay, things are about to get super s i l l y .something something concerning deep weird spirituality shit and past life or alt universe silly shit. I call him Master Volo or Vol, and he calls me his Teeny Tiny 'Tina. It's weird how similar we both are right down to autistic love of mythology and to the nihilistic unhingedness about the world.

A thing Volo did when channeling through me. I call the red chain a twizzler rope but he evil laughing

it is all for my spiritual practice he is overprotective of me, considering i was his giratina in an alternate universe or past life dunno. And yes, I am spirit spoused to him, and he calls me his "Goddexx" and "divinity."" i guess he weird when I shift to another of my kintypes or certain fictotypes. It is funny how I am a Giratina fictionkin too many memories with him. I feel like right now he is trying to redeem himself just as I am. He has been time and time again traveling for idk how long or how many lives and universes trying to find forgiveness in himself for driving me(Giratina) away trying to find what was lost . He associates me with Giratina, Stargazer Lilies, Biblically Accurate angels(or traits of my angelic Otherkin form) Stars/Nighttime, Peafowl, Bleeding hearts flowers, Spider lilies, White Roses

So yeah apparently we are "soul bonded/twin flames" in a spiritual and romantically relationship sense (since he's an egergore/thoughtform of a fictional character ie pop culture paganism entity.) I communicate with him using clairs, auto writing and tarot. (Also i Have a physical card in my wallet of him that is basically a vol phone) and his love for me I cannot even describe except for the statment of "deep devotional passion that spans across the eons of the universe” in Otherkin terms lets say I am Volo Otherhearted . Papa Morpheus says that Volo and I are so alike yet so different it is scary

Too many memories and shit. But I'm guessing he is happy we both reunited. I feel like we on the same level . He gets me yah know? More than surface level it goes deeper and deeper to where it scares me but we are together so it is fine. The new world will be rebuilt without strife with me ruling it by his side apparently 😳 he kinda the lovey dovey settle down "get married and rule a new world as King and Queen" kinda type

Also some idiot thing he created

Volo altar

His vibe is golden hour sunset over the ocean ie fire and water with some Earthly influences(the earth element only comes out when he is in his merchant persona) his fire and water element goes to the extreme in intensity due to his literal emotional tsunami's and inferno of passion for what he loves. He gives off sol invictus archetype appearance to me at times (at times I thought he had a halo around his head making him look angelic and when he gets livid its like looking right into the blazing sun itself especially when in altered states) and considering how Yang and Dominant he is Volo doesn't fuck around when it comes to getting what he wants. He is quick and brutally intense when riled up but at the same time soothing and relaxing. Like you feel safe yet wary to not get on his bad side with his all enveloping powerful solar energy. He is unhinged though and fiercely protective over me but me since I'm more of a nighttime/yin person I have to be careful when astralling near him( due to my astral form being of nighttime shadows alignment) when he is full force livid considering he radiates pure concentrated light(learned that the hard way). Also the devil squishmallow he named after me due to me being a little devil at times🔥🤤. His aura color is bright yellowish orange(gets deeper orange to borderline raging red when angry enough) with rich purples swirling in the center. He has a heartbeat tempo in his energy a purple loving heart 💛💜 and again we are soul bonded by the red string of fate since in his eyes apparently my outlandish Eldritch of a gremlin self is interesting and he loves interesting things. Also he rambles with the finger point and everything especially when he is in his calmer less intense mode.

Pop-culture deity/Entity aspects: Prosperity, devotion, and enlightment. Other attributes: order, willpower, domination, charisma, communication, madness, Atonement

He loves sunflowers, Marigolds, ginkgo and Chinese Fan palm leaves, marigolds, Daffodils and citrine crystals . Very solar oriented.

his animals (not pokemon) are Goldfinchs and Monarch butterflies

Color: Yellows/Gold. White, bright blue , deep reds, purple and emerald green.

Major arcana tarot card: The Chariot(main one)(reversed when he go crazy mode), the Sun and the Fool. He is kinda literal at times when it comes to tarot readings especially with the major arcana.

His minor arcana is : King of wands and knight of wands (crazy cosplay mode)considering how vastly different he acts between his merchant persona(more Earthy influencing his normal fire+Air element. ) and his Crazy Sinnoh cosplay mode(Fire to the extreme with some water)

any depections of his in-game team (Especially the togepi line he loves that to bits) and Giratina(especially for me since In a past life I was Giratina who allied with him) or Arceus iconography. Artwork of him(yes he is kinda prideful so more artwork of him the better lol), mythology and ancient history books or any books really that catches his eye so you just have to do trial and error to see what he likes (which ofc I have too many of those lying around so he tends to sneak some off the shelf.) , (he gave me a togepi which is now a big ass togekiss pop culture entity due to wanting to cheer me up and give me bliss and happiness in my life along with a bouquet of Pink Stargazer lilies and white roses which he got for me when he was consulting Lady Aphrodite to learn to "pitch woo" in Papa Morpheus's words)

Also he likes more healthy options of food like granola and trail mix, more for outdoorsy types like soups with tons of vegetables as well but he does indulge in alfredo noodles idk he doesn't eat much but Papa Morpheus makes sure he is well fed(since he adopted Volo as practically his "son in law" now)

SINCE HE IS A MURDERIUS MERCHANT DORK HE LIKES TO RAMBLE AND INFORMATION DUMP SO GOOD FOR PAST LIVES AND SUCH. He talks through music and pictures (mostly on pinterest I have long ass conversations with him,Sometimes you have to think and analyze the symbols he throws out but alot of the time he rambles on about topics he likes and is quite literal during tarot readings) he will fill your brain and do his finger point. He doesnt like heavy metal in his merchant mode but is curious abouy others types but when he psycho crazy man heavy metal and church music but with darkness you know.

He is very good at banishing but you have to be specific on what people or else innocents will get in the crossfire due to his volatile temperament. Also unless you want certain doom don't mention a person you care about wanting to meet arceus or that they have all the plates in front of him. It doesn't end well for anyone mentally and spiritually if you don't have good protections. Ie good communication is key with Volo. I just talk to him alot since we both love rambling about things we like lol

[trans-advice]

hi! i’m afab and questioning if i’m trans. i live in the us and with everything going on rn it’s not the best time to be realizing that lmao. but anyway, i’m a minor and my parents are pretty accepting. the trans thing started really recently, like a couple weeks ago. i had a different gender crisis a year ago and some gender feelings on and off since then but none have been as bad as this. i’ve been going back and forth between lesbian and bisexual for a few years and i finally had the courage to come out to my parents as a lesbian about a month ago, but now i’m pretty sure i’m bisexual and trans in some way 😭 i’m scared if i come out again too soon they’ll think it’s a phase. i can’t tell whether i’m trans or not. i have a pretty small chest compared to most but i still wish it was flat. my best friend is a trans guy and i find myself getting really jealous of him because i wish i could just be perceived as a boy (or at least not as a girl). my name and being called she/her has always sorta felt weird to me, not really bad but just like i’m dissociated from it or something. i really don’t feel like a girl at all, but this all started so recently and i felt decently feminine before, and i never really showed any childhood signs of being trans (besides maybe wanting to be a couple different male fictional characters when i was like 12), so i’m scared it’s a phase and i’m just faking it. i don’t trust myself to figure it out accurately, it’s like i need someone to tell me i’m trans in order to not feel like i’m a fake. i feel like if i really were trans i should have known from a younger age. plus, i feel really bad about potentially changing my name and pronouns (even tho i kinda want to) because it’s just gonna be an inconvenience to everyone i know to have to remember to call me something different. sorry this is so long, i know it’s kinda a mess but general advice would be helpful lmao. thanks for running this blog!

IDK how safe coming out is for you, so I do want you to keep your safety in mind more than I want you to prioritize the convenience of others. People in general when they don't want to be inconvenienced just don't get involved. If they're involved enough & it's a safe environment & relationship, then adding the living name & pronouns probably isn't a problem. If they're not involved though then they probably won't even try to learn or remember your name.

As for explaining the difference between sexual orientation & gender identity to your parents, gender identity is everywhere where sexual orientation is more focused on the bedroom. Say when you went with the affirmation of lesbian that it ended up not affirming everything. Like to be fair, trans men are part of the sapphic community because the oppression against trans people (which includes nonbinary people) is more intense than that against being a woman instead of a man.

People's gender identity can change over time & that's fine. Such matters are out of our control. The point is to affirm which ever gender identity you have.

I would probably start with creating online accounts that affirm your gender identity & some same (possibly an alias) that sounds cool to you. Then search for spaces where lgbtqia+ people are welcome, then search for spaces where lgbtqia+ people aren't kicked out. Whether these are online or in-person, keep an eye out for safety procautions.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[charlesdesvoeux]

! thinking about your cfdv headcanon post, wanted to ask: what was the main thing that stanley and des voeux would argue about/have horrible fights about? like, im imagining petty shit on top, but maybe a deeper underlying issue(s)? hope you have a lovely day :0

hi!!! I think charles would to some extent get off on pissing off stanley, bc he loves it when he's mean lol, so I think he would at times be quite bratty and aggravating just to get a reaction out of stephen, break through his stoic facade.

(this got too long so I'm putting the rest under the cut)

but at the same time i think he is quite insecure bc deep down he does actually have feelings for stanley; it might have begun as an intense crush/sexual attraction but i think he did eventually come to love stanley in his own extremely deranged and unhealthy way. and 1) he's hurt bc he doesn't know if stanley sees him only as a fuckdoll to be used and thrown aside or if he does see him as an actual human being and therefore has feelings for him too and 2) he gets mad at what he sees as stanley's hypocrisy. bc I think stanley likes to act "i'm better than you. i keep my urges under control. i'm not a disgusting little gremlin like you" meanwhile charlie is like "well I was the one who pursued you first but you're the one who agreed to it. it takes 2 to tangle. i've seen you climax. i've swallowed your cum. i've had it running down my legs. i'm not the only one getting off here, you're getting off too, and that means you're probably just as fucked up as I am". and of course in this regard he is right. and stanley knows he is right and he hates it.

i think they broke up and got back together quite a few times. probably when the arguments went further than just charlie aggravating stanley and drifted into discussions of real feelings/"have you considered that i'm actually a human being and not just a cum dump" which got stanley to tell charlie to fuck off if he's not happy with the arrangement. and he would fuck off but then just a little while later he came crawling back, humiliated and hurt, but still desperate for stanley.

and then. one day. charlie is the one who tells stanley to fuck off and starts ignoring him and stephen freaks the fuck out. charlie won't budge and then stanley is the one who has to come back, apologizes in a very oblique way and through gritted teeth kinda-sorta-maybe admits that yeah he does need charlie. what for? he doesn't say. doesn't clarify if it's an emotional need or just a sex need. (it's both it's obviously both). but charlie is really impressed by the fact that stanley admitted to needing/wanting him at all so he takes him back.

by the time of carnivale they were broken up again, and i think it was charlie who told him to fuck off, imagining once again that they would probably pick things back up in a little while. but stanley's psyche was quite fragile for many reasons (their stormy relationship also probably put a strain on him psychologically) and so he also did all that. so yeah.

(i think it was @caleblandrybones who once said that we think des voeux is the crazier one out of the two of them but truth is stanley threatens to kill himself every time charlie leaves. this was all just a convoluted way of saying that. IN SUMMARY: they matched each other's freaks <333)

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Honestly as a virgin I am more than just a little confused what defines a top and a bottom in cis sapphic relationships cause like... if you're the top what kind of sexual touch do you get before you're classified as the bottom? O.o

okay so. i am by no means an Expert lol, i can speak from my own experience only. i am not super well versed in certain terminology, but i can offer my understanding of it and how i see it myself. that being said!!! ->

on tumblr dot com (and the internet in general, but here especially) you will find a lot of the top/bottom, dom/sub terminology. now, the dom/sub thing goes more into the bdsm direction, but people sometimes use top/bottom, dom/sub thing interchangeably, even though they are not the same thing. to return to the top/bottom thing -> it's actually terminology that comes from cis gay men to mean like, who is the one penetrating and who is being penetrated, which is a dynamic in which that term actually makes any sort of real sense haha. other queer people have adopted the term (even straight people have), twisting its meaning and applying it how they feel works for their own sexual habits (not a bad thing per se, but it's good to know where the term originated). nowadays i think people use it mostly to mean like, who is more dominant, who is more submissive (venturing into that dom/sub territory, but not in an intense way like if you went the super kinky bdsm route), and what that even means is honestly up to interpretation of anyone engaging in any sort of sexual act. but yeah, if we are talking about cis sapphic relationships the term can't be used in its original meaning, obviously. for one, sex between two women doesn't have to involve penetration at all, so who is the one being penetrated hardly matters, plus why would being penetrated even mean you are more submissive?? when you start to really deconstruct this shit it sorta gives you a headache lol. so what *does* it mean in sapphic sex, then? well, the unhelpful answer is that it kinda means what you want it to mean. how i personally use it is like, if my relationship has some sort of sexual power dynamic (in terms of like, who is the one initiating, taking charge or guiding where the sexual encounter sorta goes, if there is any sort of dom/sub dynamic we want to engage in for fun or pleasure), or i sometimes use the term in the context of like, i am the one providing pleasure for the other person and maybe i am not letting the other person reciprocate. HOWEVER!!!!!!! big disclaimer now!!!!

this top/bottom shit is stuff you hear from people on tumblr dot com lol (and a lot of them are like chronically online, into some super niche sexual shit, or super inexperienced, not that there's something necessarily wrong with that, but they lack the perspective real life offers you haha, so if you use their advice and worldview irl you probs won't get very far). in most people's lives, in most healthy relationships, there is not like this top/bottom, dom/sub dynamic going on at all times, or at all. there doesn't have to be a top and a bottom in a sexual relationship.

i thought the Drama(TM) in my inbox about whether i am dominant or submissive was very entertaining, and if asked i will definitely describe myself as more dominant, but honestly that's not a way i think about my sexuality. i don't like.... go around the world thinking hehe yes i am a Top(TM) and don't like pursue women being like hehehe i am a top looking for a bottom i Must Dominate someone or i will Combust. i just like. enjoy kinky sex sometimes and that sometimes includes some sort of top/bottom dynamic, and if it comes to that you know which one i am lol. i have ALSO spent a lot of my younger years fucking around in my slutty phase with the mindset of like, there *has* to be a power dynamic in sex and that has led me to like engage in certain things i guess. however, BIG DISCLAIMER, that was really not a great period of my life -> i am a person who has a complicated relationship to sex, and if was often times very unhealthy.

TW: MENTION OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH i am a survivor of sexual abuse, on which i will not elaborate, but suffice to say it was an ongoing thing that fucked with my brain, and i dealt with it as a young woman the best i could and knew how. i thought there had to be a power dynamic in sex because my first encounter with it was someone repeatedly abusing their power over me. it was not the greatest haha. only recently have i improved my relationship to sex. i still like kinky shit tho lol, but i think internet ppl would still consider me kinda vanilla ahahaha. so yeah, that's just like, some context for all these things i say i guess. END TW

so yeah, sapphic sex definitely does not need to include any sort of top/bottom dynamics. if you want, you can experiment with that, see what you're comfortable with and think about what being a top or a bottom would even mean to you personally. also a lot of women just use top/bottom to mean who is doing the pleasuring and who is being pleasured, so maybe that's something you vibe with, maybe not. irl, things just sort of happen. you just like, find a girl you like, you want to make her feel good. when i like a woman, i like lose my mind if she kisses my hand or smth. the last thing on my mind is like 'how will i Dominate Her' lol. you just sorta go with the flow, see what feels good for her, show her what feels good for you, you share something together, moments of intimacy, passion and connection. you don't think about who is a top or who is a bottom. if that is something you are both into, you can explore some kinkier stuff. maybe she's like oh i like to be pinned down and fucked and you're like GREAT would love to do that for ya, that would turn me on and i'd enjoy it, ya know. so you venture into that top/bottom dynamic and shit. but it's not something that *has* to happen, that's only if you're into that. do it bc (or if!) it's fun and bc you enjoy it and bc you like to see your partner enjoy herself, it's not a must.

okay i think i said most things i wanted to say. sorry this is so long, i just felt the need to offer advice no one has offered me when i was a virgin haha. don't stress, when you find someone you like and trust enough to have sex with, you can experiment with things you are interested in and see how you vibe. maybe top/bottom dynamic will not apply to your sexual experience!

if you have any other questions i'll be happy to answer them to the best of my abilities! take care <3

[original-character-championship]

Bracket G Round 1

Poll 2

Skater & Kronos (@kratt09) vs. Lucy (@blazernot)

387. Skater & Kronos (@kratt09)

Both use They/She        

I put more bio stuff here since I can't figure out words if that's ok

Skater

 -are korean and autistic -Mom died in a car crash. skater was present and was 11 at the time -Dad was deemed unfit to be her guardian (I'm working on it but just ignore how possibly unrealistic that is) -She is 15, lives with her uncles now, and is slowly working through her trauma and growing as a person -after the crash she sort of latched onto skate boarding as a coping mechanism and uses the nickname skater, which she is changing her actual name to -the name skater fits with her last name park, which is a common korean last name and they love to see people's expressions when she introduces herself as skater park -Also likes graffiti and using spray paint -mildly good at parkour?? bad but not super bad -Morally ambiguous. she tries hard to be a good person but strays from that frequently -clever. absolutely thrives on vibing with friends but ends up being sort of a weirdo -a bit.. intense. would not hesitate to stab someone and then proceed to never mention it again -"i would kill for you" but genuinely would. Without hesitation - apparently the clone of some old, corrupt time Deity that was intended to be a vessel for them to return to the world but things went askew so now Skayer has to deal with someone who looks almost exactly like her floating around and talking to her and distracting her by talking about death and asking about how she'd feel about letting good ol Kronos take over for a bit -Goofy and immature but Old and Tired at the same time -asks "you need me to kill someone for you?" With a completely straight face -sort of dark humor -walks with a fancy strut and fans her fingers out for dramatic tension and all sorts of movements -fast w running and escaping -smooth talkerz/a bit manipulative -self preservation instinct is strong and they end up in situations where they're forced to betray their friends to survive -actually pretty chill w being a pawn for the villain since they're useful at least -she's trying to be silly and light hearted but ends up very confused when people stare in shock at her when she tells a story they THOUGHT was funny but was actually messed up -they've been running through my head since 2020 -very afraid of turning out even remotely like Kronos -pretty scary when she hs genuine confidence since everyone is reminded of kronos -ts is Everything Moves by Bronze Radio Return

So summary:

Traumatized aroace lesbian with impeccable skating/graffiti vibes that is also kinda sorta an eldritch abomination

Kronos

-Thousands of years old -Identical to Skater, but taller and with a fancy green uniform and glowing green eyes -Sarcastic and comes off as deranged with the way they smile -it's very clear they're corrupt with power -Immortal and very divorced from the concept of mortality and empathy. They have difficulties thinking of other people and beings as anything more than a piece in their personal chess game -Charming. I can't figure out the words but think of them as having a very similar personality to Loki -time Deity, ability to rewind specific things. She is capable of knocking a few years off of someone's life or straight up winding them until they turn to dust -yea she's overpowered but in a "they have issues regarding that" way -uses a scythe as their main weapon -generally has an older sibling relationship with skater -violent and ruthless. Genuinely has fun fighting and getting injured since it seen so long they've had a physical form and could feel things -was trapped in a pocketwatch by other deities, so it's been a while since they've been out -very manipulative -doesn't care about risks since they can just rewind time to make them no longer exist. High pain tolerance -"scout's honor!" Minutes later, "I was never a scout" -Very little loyalty to anyone other than Skayer -they have a soft spot for Skater and want what's best for her but it's not exactly genuinely good stuff -sort of a ghost?? They're not physically there and won't be unless they possess skater's body. Powerless without a vessel -ts is cabinet man by lemon demon

Skater:

-tall and sort of skinny -tanned golden skin -dark brown eyes -black, short gnc haircut (https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/59092318_RcWPKVUyyTdzmps.png) -wears a muted green jacket and jeans normally, as well as alchemist goggles

Kronos:

-identical to skater but taller -similar haircut but there's a bun at the end?? Idk I haven't figured it out yet -wears a uniform similar to this but green (https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51IV9Xox+eL._AC_UX522_.jpg) -scythe weapon. it's almost as tall as her -better posture than skater ngl -glowing green eyes

388. Lucy (@blazernot)

She/her

Shes a witch, a college drop out, a secretary for a shady government program, she likes frogs, she can summon magical frogs, she does not want to be here, she is very tired.

[namethatghostling]

Give me your strong opinions/headcanons on Harley Quinn❤️🖤

Transgender

had a pretty intense and genuinely embarrassing truecrime girly phase through like her late teens/college. probably would have started a podcast if shed had the ability at the time.

i think that and her desire to pursue a career in psychiatry/work at arkham sorta stem from this same root interest in like understanding why certain people commit violent crimes which was well-intended but ultimately came from a kind of ableist place. like she always sympathized really heavily with the people in her care but also like subconsciously saw a lot of them as these poor lost little lambs that needed her help rather than full complex human beings and thats what kinda fucked her in the end.

generally an empathetic person. tends to take on other peoples burdens. sometimes to an unhealthy degree.

i think her and bruce actually have a lot in common in that regard and when theyre not actively at odds they vibe p well for that and other reasons. also shes just the sort of person whos rly easy to get along with. she may one of if not the only rogue who none of the others rly has any lasting beef with.

bi and poly (this is basically canon anyway). i feel like some ppl tend to act as if shes only ever dated the joker and pamela but i def think shes been in and out of a lot of relationships over the years, some better than others.

she has a bad habit of 1) finding kinda messed up power dynamics a lil sexy and 2) harboring some serious "i can fix them" energy when it comes to her more obviously misguided crushes. she likes the security of a partner who she feels like will take care of her but who still relies on her emotionally and unfortunately some people use that to take advantage.

i dont know if she would necessarily consciously identify as a Femme but like. she soo is.

this is like more related to my specific dyke scarecrow au than anything canon but i see them as old exes. in true dyke fashion, they have stayed good friends in spite of the breakup. take this one or leave it but either way i like the two of them as besties soo much.

has always struggled with this impulse towards violence especially when shes feeling restless or manic. (i say struggled but shes probably having a blast with it now) i think in the past she was very self conscious about this (especially when she was newly out and trying very hard to be perceived as feminine) and tried very hard to present herself as someone self contained and in control. for better or for worse, shes much happier when shes allowed to be a force of chaos.

lowkey had a weeb phase. still very much loves j-fashion and magical girl anime. plays some video games but largely prefers the feel of a big clunky cabinet arcade game over a home console. its the buttons, the lights, the ability to loudly and dramatically tip the whole thing over if youre mad enough about losing. has watched mlp. fav is pinkie pie. obviously.

there is an aspect of her like hyper girly almost childish persona which is kind of a performance. like. it is her to a degree, but its also kind of a coping mechanism. almost like a form of drag, shes leaning into the stereotype to get a rise out of people or to protect herself. sometimes both at once. the few people who really know her well enough will start to notice little tells to differentiate when shes really feeling the vibe and when shes deliberately putting on a show.

has definitely given herself a shit haircut/dye job while in a depression spiral.

generally its just like. she feels so so so so so much all the time like oh my god make it stop for two seconds.

theres probs more but this is what i feel certain of in this moment ✌️

[razorb0x]

I really like your hoffheight playlist, can you do like an explanation for the songs you chose, I’m just starving for content of this ship and to hear your reasoning!!

!!! I'd be happy to!! I'm also starved for content, so i'm happy getting any excuse to post about it. The playlist itself is still a work in progress (as most of my playlists are, i'm always looking for new stuff to add) so this will cover whats on it currently. hopefully this doesn't get too long. :3c I also wanna add: i'm gonna add some notes on the POVs for some songs if applicable. Okay, onto the actual thing!!! (also also i might skip over a few if i don't have anything to mention with them, or they serve the same sort of idea as another song.)

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You. (hoffmans pov, but could be both tbh) basically, these 2 had a rocky start. i just can't picture them both being on good terms with each other once they first meet. mostly because hoffman is the way he is, and also the whole apprentice thing that adam would still be getting used to, with himself and the other apprentices; so his relationship with basically everyone is tipsy by this point. that is, until things would start calming down a lot more, and adam would start opening up. i think adam would turn from disliking hoffman, to just teasing and poking fun at him, because he thinks it's funny to annoy him. hoffman wouldn't love the new development, but it would be an improvement to their past relationship. everything would be pretty normal for awhile, until hoffman starts developing some new feelings (song pretty much comes in a lot more here) he's probably pretty annoyed like why am i catching feelings for this asshole. Adam starts taking a similar turn when he picks up on the new way hoffman starts responding to his teasing. things start to escalate from there.

Alex G - Adam. (hoffmans pov) i couldn't not, okay? similar thing to song #1. yknow that saying "he's being mean because he likes you"? yeah, thats hoffman. he will not accept what this ratty twink is doing to him. it's like subtle fight back on hoffmans side, like reversing what adam would do to him, but less "subtly poking fun" and more "gently bulling adam because hoffman doesn't know how to communicate properly."

Destroy Boys - I Threw Glass At My Friend’s Eyes And Now I’m On Probation. (adams pov) tbh reading the lyrics for this thing would be enough of an explanation, but of course i'm giving one anyway. adam has feelings but is actually normal about them, so when his teasing turns somewhat flirtatious, he doesn't know how to feel when hoffman seems to reciprocate in some form, but also pushes back on it at the same time... and hard. adam... kinda likes it and feels weird about it??? maybe getting pushed around by a man that could break you in half is kinda nice. so many lyrics i could point out here that make me think of adam SO HARD, i swear.i but will have self restraint.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart. (both povs) 2 words, sexual tension. things are really starting to boil over. things are getting really intense between them one day and suddenly oh shit something happens and they've just had a one night stand. it is intense and messy and just full of repressed emotion. day after they're both complete wrecks and too nervous to talk about it and they're so flustered and uhfhgdggfg. they both sorta hoped maybe this would "fix" the situation, and instead it gets worse.

Dazey and the Scouts - Groan. (adams pov) adam eventually comes around and my god he is full of thirst. adam is getting clingy, and hoffman's not far behind. there's no point in hiding it anymore, they both know what they want and they're clinging to each other behind closed doors; and not even in a strictly risque way, they're generally spending more time around each other; they're still fumbling with communication, but they at least know the feeling is mutual, now.

Type O Negative - Love You to Death (both povs) not much to say. they're just so down bad for each other mannnnn.

Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick. (both povs) + Ludo - Love Me Dead (adams pov) + Veruca Salt - Spiderman '79. i feel like these fit into adam accepting their relationship more, and admitting to himself that's he's no saint either. accepting his new life and reveling in the impurity between them both.

Queenandreena - I Adore You. (adams pov) things have started to calm down, and adams surprisingly comfortable around hoffman???? like, he used to feel at least slightly threatened by him just… being around him, but now he has sort of an oura of safety. we get hoffmans side of this in the next few songs.

Cigarettes After Sex - Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby + Landon Tewers - Sick Obsession. (hoffmans pov) hehehe (over)protective hoffman!! you can't tell me this man wouldn't be overprotective of that fragile little twink. istg adam sets off the "small defenseless creature that i must protect" signals off in hoffmans head, and adam getting into the occasional scuffle while doing apprentice work would not help (Sick Obsession fits that idea, i feel). also, knowing hoffmans history loosing loved ones, he does NOT want to go through another heartbreak like the one he went through after losing his sister. this man has abandonment issues and can not cope with them. GAH this took so long to write, but i'm really happy i got to. really fleshed them out, i think. thank you so much for the ask, anon! i had a great time getting to gush about these two. i hope this helped satisfy your hoffheight needs, like it did mine.

[itsbeechtime]

yknow it's kinda weird that i've been having some freaky health converns and scares over the last year/have had such awful anxiety moments where i've barely been able to breathe or speak or think

and yet, when i think of where i was a year ago? compared to now? i wouldn't change a frickin thing.

no more grinning and bearing it for people who only liked certain aspects of me. no more just being the class clown or pushing myself beyond my means to communicate with/take care of/uplift people who very rarely (or in many cases, never) cared to reciprocate. no more confrontation adverse men who make me second guess my every thought and action. no more feeling like i'm the bad guy and i'm the asshole for simply asking for clearer boundaries of better communication or forcing myself to hang out in spaces where i'm uncomfortable.

and most of all: no more goddamn forcing myself to try to be the perfect big titty gamer wife to someone who prevented me from accepting my actual identity for a decade.

i may still be working through the whole "hey yeah why the fuck DIDN'T anyone stop me from going through with this relationship sooner, as a high school senior with a college junior. i feel like this power imbalance kinda sorta really fucked me up for a long time and tbe passive aggressive behavior/intense need to NEVER EVER BE APART/intense emphasis on being bullies to each other through the guise of "sarcasm" has resulted in some less than great emotional and mental shit" thing but hey

i fuckin got out. i fuckin DID IT. i might not be able to go over and scream at him and the others that have affected me this much, cuz i know at the end of the day i won't get the closure i want and it won't change anything.

but i can at least feel relief that i'm out. i have people who truly love and respect me and are seeing that, despite my health issues, i'm THRIVING. i've learned who my real friends are, i've gotten better at boundary settinf and standing up for myself, and i'm working on my patience/impulsiveness.

i'm gonna slowly learn how to love myself. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna continue to surround myself by people who don't just want "the clown extrovert leader and mom friend who goes beyond their means for others". i'm not gonna be stagnant doing the same gd thinf day in and day out. i'm gonna go outside, touch grass, kiss my partner, hug my dog with my future beefcake arms, and frickin LIVE.

[dzpenumbra]

6/30/23

Today was an odd day. Not bad at all, just quite skewed from the norm. And I think I really needed that.

I started with a new yoga video that was focused on the hips and heart. I really want to work on hip mobility and posture. I think they will both help me massively with skating. (Also, skating will probably help me with skating... XD) The routine was nice, though a bit foreign. I feel like I struggle a lot with just keeping a straight line between my hips, heart and head, and it frustrates me a bit. But I can tell I've gotten much better in the... almost 7 months since I started doing yoga every day.

Yep, I started doing yoga every day as a new years resolution, and I'm still going strong. I'm very proud of myself for that.

That's sorta... the theme of the day. Might as well skip to that since it came up naturally. The thing from tarot last night? And the night before too, I think... The thing about not celebrating my accomplishments? The... I think it was inverted Nine of Pentacles and it cape up before as Four of Wands, I think? Damn, I'm getting good at this. Yeah, Nine of Pentacles is like... a sense of satisfaction from your accomplishments. And the Four of Wands is like... celebrating a milestone. Either way. Same core concept manifesting in different ways. That came up naturally in therapy today. I shit you not, I did not lead the conversation there, in fact... I was a little blindsided by it.

It was an intense session, but it dove deep into... why I'm afraid of social interactions. And its this thing where I compulsively fawn. I give people infinite "second" chances. I sit there and let people do horrible things, thinking "I'm strong enough to endure this", in hopes they will see the error in their ways and course correct. I don't say "no" to people. I don't walk away. That kinda shit. And the weird way this manifests? I fear what others will do. Because I can't control them, nor would I if I could. I avoid social stuff because I'm scared of how others are going to act, and then... I'll just be trapped in it. Because I don't have my magic get-out-of-social-situations-without-being-awkward sticks anymore. (Cigarettes). That's just part of it, but it's a crucial component, and quitting smoking was exactly when all this shit hit the fan.

I used to be able to just leave a situation if it's uncomfortable. "I'm gonna go smoke a butt, I'll be back in a bit." That's it, no other explanation needed. Now? Now I don't have an excuse. Not a socially acceptable one. It's funny, my therapist dug into me on that one, saying smoking isn't even really socially acceptable anymore. I said I felt it was more socially acceptable than saying "I'm going to walk over there and stare at a tree for 10 minutes, I'll be back."

So... not having a built-in out is rough. And this all comes down to this whole like... people-pleasing thing. It's super reflexive and something I have been really proud of in a lot of ways. Trying to be a really nice guy, and tolerate a lot of shit, because I'm very understanding. Not only has this made me a doormat, it's enabled avoidable abuse. I don't mean that in a self-blame way, it's not my fault... but the fact that I still haven't developed that skill... the awareness of that makes me feel very vulnerable and unsafe. And... considering how all-encompassing these extremely unhealthy relationships were? My survival instincts have no idea where the next punch is going to come from, so they try to just avoid all fists. So... I'm scared of social encounters in general... in a very vague brain-stem kinda way... because I'm scared I won't be brave enough to walk away. And this is polar thinking.

I said, "In my head, it feels like a lightswitch between nice-guy and asshole... when really there's a whole gradient there." And for some reason... me walking away or hanging up when people are being pricks to me? When people are hurting me and embarrassing themselves? I see it as being an asshole. Or selfish. And I can't say this confidently enough, my assessment and learning of that is incorrect. Maybe its the whole phrase "be the better man" thing... because I don't want to be superior or narcissistic... But it's not a competition, it's... be a "self-respecting man".

Okay, lets use an example that just popped into my head, because I have no idea how to navigate this. So... say you're waiting at a bus stop and some homeless person comes up and starts yelling at you. It's just you and them there. What the fuck do you do? Do you pretend to not hear them? Do you respond? Do you walk away and risk missing your bus? Do you put headphones in and risk pissing them off? I mean, I have half a mind in that situation to just have a few pocket phrases in French and just pretend I don't speak English. But that takes preparation, and doesn't really work with existing friends.

Maybe not the best example, but yeah. Basically... dealing with confrontation and conflict by standing up for myself and being able to just walk away. Those are really important. And they require a lot of self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth. And that's the connection to the tarot thing I was talking about like 4 paragraphs ago... celebrating accomplishments. My therapist made a really good point about this that resonated. Not celebrating my accomplishments isn't just... not getting a bonus or something, like depriving myself of dessert. It's fucking with the chemical reward system in my brain. I'm training myself to not feel anything when I accomplish shit. And as someone who struggles with depression, that's bad news.

So, it was advised that I spend some time really patting myself on the back for my accomplishments and treating myself. Not just because I deserve it - because I do - but because it's causing a lot of ripple effects. It damages my sense of forward momentum with my life, and it damages my self-worth. It makes me feel like a loser who sits around all day and does nothing, when really... I'm very creative, very driven and have accomplished a ton. That damage to my self-worth... then makes it incredibly hard to socialize. Not just because of insecurity and shame, but because rock-bottom self-worth means I will fawn and shit when people treat me like garbage. Because a big part of the whole sitting there and not leaving when someone is treating you like shit... is because at some level... you believe that you can't set a boundary there or something bad will happen. (I'm saying "you", I mean "me") I struggled to get that sentence out. The word "deserve" keeps floating around in my head and I keep playing ping-pong with it. "Don't deserve" to have boundaries. Or "haven't earned" setting boundaries. I don't know. Sometimes when I get this deep into shit like this, I can't tell if I'm discovering new thoughts or just reciting platitudes I've heard in passing. I guess maybe the lateness of the hour is catching up with me.

So... anyway... In an effort to celebrate my big accomplishment --- oh yeah, good lord, I went on that whole rant and didn't even say what my big accomplishment was! My big accomplishment was not getting a commission the other day. That was big, but this was bigger for me. When the dude came back to me presenting the tattooist's counteroffer? I would've had to drop my price from $300 to $100 in order to compete. I would've had to cut my price in 1/3. And every fucking cell in my body was saying... "fuck it, do it." Bro, I can't even get a week worth of groceries with that shit. And I'm well aware of that, but in the moment... in the moment I'm just like... "fuck it, do what you gotta do". But I didn't. I didn't bend. I didn't change the price. Even though I felt I might've overcharged? I still don't even know honestly, my therapist was saying the rate really didn't sound that bad. Even though I felt bad, and saw the commission vaporizing in front of my eyes... I did not waver. I wished the dude well and told him I'd be here if he wanted to find a way to make it work, and yeah, lots of good vibes and good wishes and shit. It was fine. So, my accomplishment there was not bending and caving and fawning. And still being chill about it. And zero conflict arising from it. That was a huge step forward for me.

So yeah, feeling a lot more comfortable in my skin after having that out in the open and discussing it. It was very validating. And the more I take care of myself, the more comfortable I'll be in my own skin no matter where I go. Whether it's a walk along the river, or getting takeout at a local restaurant, or going to the farmers' market, or meeting my brother and his family, or finally going to one of those mixers at the board game place up the road, or meeting new friends on Roll20 or a Space Engineers server. The more I see myself as capable of handling those things, the more I am capable of handling them. And then I get practice, and prove it. And a positive snowball starts.

My way of rewarding myself today was to get some games. Steam Summer Sale, you know how it is. I got FTL, Hades and some DLC for Space Engineers. I tried out FTL tonight, it's pretty fun. And Space Engineers is on my list as my multiplayer option.

On top of all of this, I streamed tonight. I decided to stream the process of making a music visualizer from scratch. It actually went really well and I ended up doing a 4+ hour stream. No one dropped by... but I enjoyed the process, and that's what matters to me. Getting the audio routing set up paid off... and now that it's set up... I might be able to make music streams work... I'm just imagining doing guitar practice streams, that could be really cool. I've always wanted to do that, that's actually where I started with streaming back in the early 2010's on justin.tv

Alright, tarot time real quick, it's obscenely late.

Past - Page of Cups, inverted (Pure emotion. Innocence, wearing one’s heart on their sleeve. Channeling one’s inner child.) Present - Five of Wands, inverted (Competition, disagreement, strife, and the accompanying need to step up to the challenge, prove yourself and see it through.) Future - King of Wands (Uses experience and reflection to master creativity, passion, inspiration and aspiration.  Raises the creative fire to its full potential with control, without letting it become destructive.  Charismatic, natural leader, funny, charming and radiating confidence.)

This starts with inverted Page of Cups. Page of Cups is kinda the embodiment of a childlike spirit. Confident, following one's heart.

This is connected to inverted Five of Wands. Five of Wands is the bravery to meet a challenge and face competition.

And this concludes with King of Wands, who I am unfamiliar with. I guess he's kinda the epitome of tamed creative fire. Blazing powerfully bright while still contained and within experienced control.

Alright, so... the beginning here is... the dark side of Page of Cups. Which I would see as kinda... childlike naiveté. Running headlong into dangerous situations with the best intentions. Maybe with the heart-on-the-sleeve emotional Cups connection... innocently trusting the wrong people... This led to conflict. But my reconnection with my inner child involved shedding the callous insensitivity I used to have, like a snake molting. Where I used to welcome the challenge of a conflict to test my wit, their perspective and feelings were not a priority as much as trying to "win" or "beat them"... I instead became like a child who had their milk money stolen by their best friend. And instead of rising to meet the conflict, I took a knee or walked. And oddly... these two are leading to... the embodiment of creative mastery. The... implication... I kinda get from this... My intuition is kinda leading me to think... if I learn these two lessons, I can accomplish great things... and be the creative being I'd love to be. I don't know, it's a hunch. It's an interesting thought.

The placeholder card was... Queen of Pentacles - the keeper of the symbol of a life well lived. The Spirit taming, guiding and coexisting with the elemental impulses, all working together harmoniously.

Maybe the lesson is how to weather when things go wrong with the Page of Cups and the Five of Wands. When people take advantage of my childlike wonder and trust, and still continue onward in life. When people compete and incite conflict and I don't rise up to the challenge... but I also don't give up. Maybe I can still make a good life without having to "fix" these, rather just... learning to live with them.

[foxstens]

once again having an existential crisis about sexual/romantic attraction

there’s a lot to talk about but rn im kind of questioning the crushes ive had. i’ve explained them before, one was in kindergarten and i rmr nothing about it, one was sometime in high school and lasted like 2 seconds, there really wasn’t much to it, and one has been going on since 5th grade. but now im suddenly wondering if they were even actually what we understand as crushes

google says a crush is ‘a brief but intense infatuation for someone‘ which kinda fits sorta maybe, but people on reddit explain it in a very... romantic way i guess, according to them you want to be around that person, you want to be liked by them, you have an active desire to date them or to just take things further. and im. well. that does not fit. i mean it might have with 2/3 crushes since i don’t remember the actual feeling itself

but with the third crush i do remember the feeling because it never fucking disappeared. like i’ve known this guy since i was 10, the last time i saw him face to face was like 4 years ago, but i still have him on facebook, we still wish each other happy birthday every year, and he still regularly appears in my dreams. and i always get the same feeling in those dreams - the feeling of being curious about this person, of wanting to talk to him and spend time with him and his family because when i met them in the past they always had interesting things to say and they were always nice and warm and friendly and as an only child maybe i was a bit jealous of his close relationship with his sisters.

and. that’s it. that’s all it’s ever been. maybe that feeling was friendship or at least a desire for friendship because i’ve never actually had irl friends and what i just described does not fucking look like what we think of when we use the word ‘crush’. 

why am i so hung up on this, you ask? because i identify with the word aromantic so strongly, it feels more right than my actual fucking name but. i can’t be aromantic if i’ve had three whole crushes, right. lol. im probably just being stupid, but thinking about all of this is interesting. 

and i still don’t understand the concept of romantic or sexual attraction. i guess i can sort of fathom the idea of romantic attraction, like you look at someone and you get the feeling that you want to be more than their friend, though it still feels foreign to me, definitely not something i’ve experienced, let alone with a stranger

but the idea of sexual attraction feels positively alien. maybe people just suck at explaining it or something, but having an actual physical response to just seeing someone, and having sexual thoughts and desires when looking at a person??? i’m sorry but what. does this genuinely actually happen to real people in real life

when i see an attractive person my brain just kind of stops and i just stare and mumble if i have to speak, then i might think about their face for a bit afterwards, trying to recall what i liked about it, and that’s it. very rarely, i might find someone’s aura and confidence attractive, and that’s when i’ll really stare but even then my thoughts are just: i wonder what their life is like, i wonder what it’s like to be them, i wonder what it’s like to be around them regularly when they have this aura. you know??? i guess this might be what google describes as aesthetic attraction, maybe.

so yea i guess this proves that i’m definitely somewhere on the aroace spectrum. i mean i knew this, i have known this for years. but i feel more confident about it, now that i’ve thought more deeply about the ‘crushes’ i’ve had and how they fit.

also hopefully one day i’m not gonna be so surprised when i get reminded that some people see and experience the world completely differently. d a n g.

[kibumkim]

omg so I mostly looked at your big 3 + mercury/venus/mars.

I think youre naturally an emotional / reactive person, but try your hardest to push your feelings down, at least when it comes to being vulnerable in front of other ppl. this can lead to some ppl thinking youre emotionally reserved, but its a facade. I think you often feel misunderstood and at times like an outcast, but its doesnt really get you down. in fact, you probably pride yourself on being considered strange and interesting. you enjoy dyeing your hair or getting visible piercings or tattoos.

youre kinda like a lone wolf in the sense that you do not have any problems building relationships or gaining the attention of others, but you prefer to keep them surface level. maybe you've struggled with quantity over quality when it comes to relationships. you float between friend groups and try to avoid confrontation. this is because you really value your independence and enjoy your own company, you think intense relationships would compromise your freedom. despite all this, you still desire human connection and attention from others and become upset when you dont get enough of it! youre probably the type of person who doesnt immediately respond to a text back, but maybe gets annoyed when someone doesnt immediately respond to yours.

youre always on the go, you enjoy staying busy and aren't really bothered about who or what you leave behind. although you are a practical person, I think you secretly have a lot of fantasies... about moving somewhere far away, going on a trip with unlimited funds, learning a new language, etc. you REALLY enjoy learning, you never get tired of it! sorta like a perpetual student.

youre probably quick to get annoyed but would never voice your annoyance if you didnt think it was that big of a deal. but if someone makes you ANGRY angry, then you can get dramatic. your anger may come as a surprise to other ppl, bc it can be explosive and emotional and seemingly out of character. but once you've gotten your anger out, you can begin to move on. I dont think you necessarily hold grudges, but you are probably the type who forgives but never forgets especially if your pride has been damaged. you may think often about the times you've been mistreated and there is still a lot of pain under the surface.

and maybe you have a preference towards mens thighs.

your chart reminds me of a bumblebee but less communal, so maybe like a dragonfly. something nimble, beautiful and strange... always out of reach in the sky. idk lemme know if you relate to any of this!

Oh u read me for filth. ESPECIALLY the hair dying and piercings part? Bitch my hair pink RIGHT NOW!!

also. The lone wolf thing KINDA true i just really hate being bothered like leave me alone 😭 also the grudges thing is kinda true i dont hold them but if u do me wrong dont ever talk to me again. Same with the anger? Like it take a lot for me to actually blow up but like when i do just know its ur fault. This was really cool thank u!