#but i left off all my longfic because i feel like that's less of a crash course and maybe

[shivunin]

If you had to pick 5 fics you’ve written to make a “crash course” and sum up your writing personality, which would they be?

Oooh thank you so much for asking! <3 I had to ponder this a bit, but here's what I think:

I love angst/confronting your feelings at the moment your loved one faces mortal peril so Only Ghosts (4,267 Words). It's all the tasty Zevran/Wen feelings after she takes a deadly wound in the Deep Roads.

I have to include As Two Reflected Stars (12,429 words) because I also love hurt/comfort and tracing the role a specific habit or occurrence has in character growth over time. In this case, healing.

Internal conflict is (I think!) one of my specialties so I offer up Only a Kiss (1,215 Words), the first thing I ever wrote for Wen and Zevran. Wen is always such a treat to write because so much goes unspoken with her, but I feel like this is a peak example of her warring with herself.

I also consider tropes I don't love a little puzzle to unwrap for myself, so next is Search Your Hands (13,581 words). I wrote it as a silly little story about cultural misunderstandings between Cullen and Lavellan. It wound up being a more well-liked fic than most of mine, which surprised me a lot!

Aaaand last but not least I will always be a sucker for unspoken feelings, idiots in love, and romantic tension, so Summer Tea (897 Words) with Elowen and Cullen. These two are the worst at making that first move with each other but it's so fun to write the lead-up.

[bbcphile]

WIP Wednesday

It's Wednesday, which means it's time for another excerpt from my Mysterious Lotus Casebook longfic!

This week, enjoy Fang Duobing trying to get Di Feisheng to take care of himself by explaining how it will help Li Lianhua take care of himself. (AKA. FDB's Caretaking 101 for DFS). (You can find earlier excerpts here.)

**

Fang Duobing sniffled, picked up the cloth once more, and got to work. At least the cabinet was almost blood-free. Only one stain left. 

“What did you mean about Xiangyi and help?” a-Fei asked on Fang Duobing’s third pass over the stain.

Fang Duobing’s hands stopped mid-scrub. Did a-Fei even have any caretaking experience? Either giving or receiving? Or had he just always used qi to heal everything, so recuperation was never an issue? Starting from the most basic level and working up to the question was probably the best move.

He started scrubbing the stain again, willing his hands and voice to be steady. “Li Lianhua will need rest, right? And sleep, and food, and medicine.”

“Obviously. He’s healing.”

Well, at least a-Fei knew that much.

“It took me a decade to recover from my duel with Xiangyi, Duobing,” a-Fei said, his tone as dry as the basin was wet. “I’m familiar with the process.”

A decade? So he really had been in seclusion all that time. Wait–Li Lianhua had injured him that badly and he wanted another duel? How did that make any sense? He mentally shook himself and tried to find the thread of the conversation again before he could spiral off in a different direction. “Alright. I’m assuming the Medicine Demon or someone was overseeing your healing. Did you actually follow his orders?”

“Of course,” a-Fei said, as though he were the sort of person to take orders from anyone.

He was kidding, wasn’t he? Fang Duobing craned his head over his shoulder to take a look. No annoyingly attractive smirk or eyebrow raised in challenge in sight. Huh. He’d try to make sense of that later. “Well . . . good for you,” he said, facing forward again. “Li Lianhua won’t. He wouldn’t even before the situation with his shiniang. It’s not only giving away qi he couldn’t spare to heal people. He tries to squirm his way out of receiving help all the time, and always pushes himself too far, long past any reasonable limit.” Sound like anyone else you know, a-Fei? “I don’t think he knows how to do things any other way. So instead of accidentally encouraging him to hurt himself, what if we do the opposite? Practice accepting help, even if we don’t need it to survive, so he feels less guilty about needing it?”

Silence. He forced himself to keep scrubbing and wait. If a-Fei needed time, then that’s what he’d give him.

“What are you suggesting?” a-Fei asked at last.

Fang Duobing blinked at the cloth in his hand. “Um,” he said, frantically casting around for something to follow it, as all his ideas fled. “It doesn’t need to be anything big. Simple things count. For instance, you could ask me to hand you something if it’s nearer to me. Or tell me to go away when you need alone time. And I could ask you to make me medicine if I wasn’t feeling well. Or meditate when we’re low on qi, sleep when we’re worn out. That sort of thing.” He winced internally. No wonder his Niang liked to say he was as transparent as water. 

Well, since he’d come this far, he might as well commit. “All I’m saying is that it might help Li Lianhua as well as yourself if you don’t try to push yourself to your absolute limit. Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to. Or that you should. And you don’t need to, because I’m here. And you shouldn’t if you don’t want Li Lianhua to think he needs to do the same thing. He deserves to rest. And if we can show him what that looks like, then isn’t that the responsible thing to do?”

A-Fei made a faint hum that could have meant anything from ‘excellent point, Xiaobao’ to ‘I think you’re an idiot.’

Who was he kidding? It was probably the latter.

Fang Duobing squeezed the handkerchief over the bowl. The water turned purple as the paint and blood mixed together. He waited.

No new sounds from a-Fei. Just the whisper of his fingers through Huli Jing’s fur.

Fang Duobing swallowed back a sigh. At least he’d tried. “I’m going to go dump this,” he said, standing up. “I’ll be back soon.” He started for the door.

“Wait.”

Fang Duobing stilled. “What?”

A-Fei stared at him for a long moment, something complicated lurking under his almost neutral expression. “Clean the blood off your face first,” he said at last.

“Oh. Good point.” He dug out his own handkerchief from his robe–the other one had splinters in it now–dunked it, and wiped it across his cheek. “Better?”

“Almost,” a-Fei said, pointing to a spot near his temple and another across his forehead.

Fang Duobing wiped wherever a-Fei pointed until he finally nodded his approval. “Thanks.” He was about to leave, but then the candlelight hit a-Fei’s cheekbone in exactly the right way to make the teartrack from earlier glisten. Of course a-Fei hadn’t taken the time to clean up, either. “Did you want to–”

A-Fei shook his head. 

So much for acknowledging limits or asking for help. “Right. Never mind.” He left without waiting for a response.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

Characterizing Ted Tonks

As many of you know, I've been on a Tedromeda kick lately (I happily blame @merlinsbudgiesmugglers aka my inspiration for Tedromeda/ kick-ass beta/co-mod). When it comes to Tedromeda, we have so little in canon that we've got to do some extrapolating to fill in the blanks for minor characters. Ted Tonks, unlike Andromeda, has some lines and scenes in DH, which serves as part of his characterization for me. However, as I characterize him in Supernova, my current longfic AU, it's taken me some work and time to build him as he is.

What I love about AUs is taking canon characters and personalities and then testing them in another situation. It's stripping the characters down to who they are at heart and then throwing them in the deep end to see how they cope. This means that characters won't always act like their 'canon' selves, because they are NOT in canon in an AU. And that's OKAY! That's why AUs exist. A good AU, to me, is one in which canon characterization is close enough that you can recognize the canon character, even if they don't say or do exactly the right thing. As in, 'would he say that?' The answer for canon might be no, but the answer for an AU is 'it makes sense for this situation.' The answer for non-canon/OOC is 'in no AU would he say this.' Anyway.

When it comes to lesser-developed characters, it's more challenging in one sense to keep what little canon we have, but it's a ton of fun in another way to develop a character deeper than canon could.

I've actually written Ted many times before. I wrote him for the first time in Collide, and as I kept writing and reading (always read! the more you read, the better a writer you become, I promise), I got a better idea of who he was. With him being a central character in Supernova - and his flaws coming out in all their glory - I thought I'd make a post on how I characterize him.

After all, in canon, Andromeda runs away with him. She left her wealth, privilege, and status for him. That means, at the very least, that he's not just a pretty face. Andromeda doesn't strike me as the type of character to do things on a whim. Ted had to be worth it.

So, with that intro bit out of the way, this is how I characterize Ted Tonks, particularly for Supernova:

Ted is loyal and kind. Andromeda wouldn't have run off with someone who wasn't going to be ride or die with her, much less someone who wasn't good to her.

Ted expects loyalty from others he loves and trusts. It will hurt him deeply to be betrayed. Once he's pledged his loyalty to someone, it would take heaven and earth being destroyed for him to go back on his promises.

Ted's kindness is as much a weakness as it is a strength. He is kind to a fault: he doesn't like hurting people. It's one of the reasons he can be dishonest, because he would rather lie than hurt someone. If you're reading Supernova, you'll see how that works out for him. When he does lash out, it's because he's hurting badly, but he feels guilty afterwards.

Ted is giving and generous. One of the reasons I HC him as a Healer (not only because he patched up Harry at the beginning of DH) is that he's kind to Dean in DH, and he seems to be really good with people in general. He seems like a helper, and with his healing skills, I see him as a Healer, which is a natural complement for being giving and generous.

Ted doesn't necessarily expect generosity from others, but he does like to be acknowledged for what he can do. In Supernova, he's repeatedly hurt by Andromeda rebuking him and his attempts to get to know Dora.

Ted is passionate and wants others to be passionate with him. He sees more possibilities than roadblocks. He gets frustrated when possibilities disappear, or when they're shut down by someone else.

Ted is determined. The upside to this is that he's a hard worker, but the downside is that he can be unreasonably stubborn.

Ted is a man of integrity. This is tied to his loyalty. However, under severe stress, his integrity can come into question when promises conflict with one another and his loyalties are tested to more than one party. In Supernova, he'll have those loyalties tested repeatedly.

Ted is sharp/clever. He's got a good mind and he keeps it open to new possibilities. He sometimes overestimates his abilities.

Above all, Ted is a good person and tries to be good to those around him. When he's determined to do right by someone, he'll do his utmost to be devoted to them. This is one of the biggest reasons why Andromeda falls for him - that intensity of being devoted to her is the kind of intensity she has too.

Next up, I'll make a post on characterizing Andromeda!

[yletylyf]

Fic Writer Wrapped- 2023 Edition

I did this in 2022 and 2021, and am revving it back up for my own personal interest in tracking these things. Tagging anyone reading this if you want to participate!

Like in previous years, this is about fic published on ao3 in 2023 (not amount of words written in 2023, which I don't keep track of).

How many stories did you complete?

I completed one longfic (more than 100k words), eight medium fics (between 15k and 100k), and forty-two short fics (under 15k). Just like last year, I continue to have considerable lag between writing and publishing. The longfic and some of the medium fics were mostly written in 2022, but published and finished this year.

What is your total word count for the year?

547,416 words

What fandoms did you write in this year?

I really committed to the multi-fandom bit. I also discovered an addiction to cdramas. I wrote in Harry Potter, Tolkien, The Grisha Trilogy, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Emma - Jane Austen, Twilight, the Locked Tomb, House of the Dragon, 陈情令 The Untamed, 山河令 Word of Honor, 苍兰诀 Love Between Fairy and Devil, 莲花楼 Mysterious Lotus Casebook, 无量 Wúliàng, and 长月烬明 Till the End of the Moon.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

This year's published word count borrows from many projects that were written in 2022, probably about 150k words' worth. Even subtracting that, I wrote a lot more than I expected. Because I didn't write a long fic this year (123k of Rainbow of Chaos's total of 130k words was written in 2022), I felt like I was unproductive compared to previous years. But I actually I wrote a lot!

What’s your favorite story of the year?

To catch a fox (Grisha verse, the Darkling/Nikolai). I had a blast writing this, it felt like it wrote itself, and I think the fic is so much fun, I still enjoy re-reading it, and I'm really happy about how many other people liked it as well!

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

This question gets harder and harder to answer every year, because the more deliberately niche I write the happier I am when I get a single comment and feel that is more than sufficient appreciation. I guess if I had to pick one, it's my Aredhel/Celegorm fic, because imo this ship deserves to be more popular than it is!

Biggest fanfic-related disappointment of 2023?

I was riding the high of discovering the Darkling/Nikolai ship after watching the TV show Shadow and Bone in March. A good friend left a prompt that I loved, in an event called Fandom Orienteer, which had a several-month-long writing period and then a posting window in August. I bit off more than I could chew when I started writing Palace in the Dark, found my ideas too plotty, and did not finish in time to post a completed story in August. By the time I actually finished over Thanksgiving, not only did I miss being part of the event, I had lost almost all my WIP readers (except my friends from the darkolai server, shout out to you, you are the best!). It's fine, the fic is finished and complete on my profile, and readers will slowly find it. But I was disappointed in not being able to finish in July for the event and when the momentum from the show was hotter.

Biggest fanfic-related surprise of 2023?

I'm surprised by how many multi-fandom exchanges I did. I was only dipping my toe into them in 2022 and was not sure the whole thing really suited me. I wrote almost forty exchange fics this year, and got some amazing gift fics in exchange, and it's been really fun.

Something you look forward to working on in 2024?

I think I'll work on more villain-centric fic for MDZS, and also hopefully write more new-to-me fandoms for exchanges.

[rosesradio]

fanfic ask game

i saw this ask game i wasn’t tagged in so let’s do it 🤠 & i’ll tag whoever wants to do it as well

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

27 :-)

2. what's your total Ao3 word count?

466,409 (oh cool i’ll most likely hit 500k by the end of the year 💪)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently pjo & once in a blue moon hsmtmts, but i have written for like 10-12 different fandoms in my life

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ceaseless eve 🌙 (a leo, nico, & piper quest + valdangelo)

camp triple pine 🌲 (a lawrusso summer camp au with fwb 👀)

talk to me, deep in the night (& i’d tell you something i never thought i’d admit) 🏕️ (a surprisingly non-smutty first caswen fic in which ricky talks with ej about how he works too hard, written in s3 era)

Cobra Kai/Karate Kid one shots 🥋 (fluff, humor, angst, smut…what it says on the tin 🤠)

he’s only here for one thing, but (so am i) 🔥 (valdangelo college au smut + camboy nico 👀)

(because i can’t tell a lie, i did skip over one or two stranger things fics on this list. i have complex feelings about them & keeping them up due to the controversy, but also abandoning them or deleting them…i’m sentimental, and i procrastinate lol. i’m glad a higher volume of people enjoyed them by nature of it being a more popular fandom, but i also feel like the kudos aren’t as genuine or earned as they are for my longfics in less popular fandoms for that reason. at least To Me. i hope that makes sense 🧍)

5. do you respond to comments?

i try to reply to every comment around the first week of posting something (because by then it’s an “old work” and it’s “weird” to comment on it, but that’s another post 😐). i still haven’t replied to the last of the ceaseless eve comments & i feel terrible, the sentimentality of it all overwhelms me but know i appreciate it 😭 i wish there was like a code word though that people could comment that lets you know if they want you to respond or not, because it’s hard to know if people want an author response or if it’ll scare them off yk

6. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

i don’t do a lot of angst, but when i do, i do (meaning i lay it on too melodramatically thick lmao) but i thought i’d give a list of some of my angstiest/darkest fics 🤠

the moonlace & the sunflower 🌻 (in which grover dies protecting a demigod, so the empathy link causes percy to pass away as well)

games long lost 🌳 (in which luke must drink annabeth’s blood for kronos’s reformation, it covers the dark lukabeth of it all & there’s some death)

the smallest casualty ♟️ (in which it’s slowly revealed over the course of a luke & annabeth chess game that the gods lost the war, and percy & friends have been subjected to dark magic experiments to make them compliant to luke’s fantasy)

rewired 🤖 (okay. i usually try to be humble or self deprecating or whatever but this 1400 word fic is an actual fucking masterpiece to me idc. it just came out of me and makes me physically nauseous to this day. showing this to my hypothetical therapist etc etc. oh wait what’s it about lmao—the concept of daniel rewiring his brain & morals to fit into silver’s desires. ft that sick sick silverusso dynamic)

7. Which of your fics has the happiest ending?

i have a variety of fluffy fics, but i’d have to say my happiest most sugar coated ending is—

who said anybody would? (a ej/gina/ricky road trip fic that literally ends with an ot3 picnic scene 😭 it’s just too much 🫶)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i’ve gotten unwarranted criticism (i like to ask for constructive crit comments at the end if it’s like a longfic) that’s been surprisingly rude…i won’t say which fic but someone got so mad at one of my chapters they left a lengthy mocking crit comment and then stopped reading 😭 but that’s their prerogative, i hope they found something they enjoyed afterwards. other than that, surprisingly considering some of the controversial dark fics i’ve written…no sign of flames, so thanks! 😅

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have four different smut fics (hopefully a fifth if i can ever finish it up)…i fear they’re repetitive but also not really, they cover different fandoms and explore different kinks. i’m not really sure what to say about them, hopefully people find them hot ! or whatever !

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i’m not a fan of crossovers currently, but my longest fic i wrote when i was 15 (it’s 97k i’m beating it someday 😭) was a crossover between sanders sides, voltron, miraculous ladybug, and gravity falls (doesn’t that feel like a kick in the gut lmao—did i mention i was 15? 😅)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of 👁️👁️

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of 👁️👁️

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i tried, myself and another author had a shared Google doc & everything…but we both just didn’t commit. i don’t think i’d work well with another writer…i don’t mind bouncing ideas around with a beta reader/editor (like @heavens-vault 🤠) but ultimately i’d prefer to write on my own

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

it changes—it’s currently valdangelo, but the ones I’ve written the most over the years are: prinxiety (😐), lawrusso, caswen, and valdangelo. i’m excited to explore a bunch of other ships as i continue writing as well

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh gosh, i mean i hope i don’t have any like longfics in question…i hope i can finish + deliver on Ivory Rain, but i’m sure I’ll manage even if it takes a while. i haven’t really mentioned this a whole lot to “the public” but i have what i call a “scrap fic” i’m working on, with a bunch of like 800 word chapters i just kinda bounce around when i have time. the concept is really exciting but the execution still needs work, so i’m kinda seeing how that’s gonna play out, it might not be posted. i hope it will though !

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i’m pretty good at characterization, good romantic moments with good buildup, and humor :-)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action scenes i hate you so much 😭 why do i insist on writing pjo fics when i can hardly write a fight scene

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i should do it more, i hate that i don’t, especially considering nico being Italian and leo’s native language being Spanish. but I’ve used & been disappointed by Google translate too many times…perhaps I’ll find another way to translate to include that for more character accuracy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

actually i think percy jackson, i’ve come full circle. the first fic i posted was sanders sides, but i remember when i was probably nine or so i wrote with pencil and paper and stapled a book together with a hand drawn cover 😭 it was about a son of Apollo, a satyr, and a daughter of Demeter on a quest…so really, richard took some creative liberties from my hand written fanfic i think 👀

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

like the ships, it changes—I love all my fics, it’s hard to explain how there’s little fractures of me at different points in my life at any given time in my works. no amount of over-explaining could make anyone understand how i express myself through my character’s emotions and desires and fears and journeys.

at the moment, my favorite fic is CE. it just got completed, myself and others are excited for the sequel. i think all my pjo works in particular are pretty good, and of course i tend to shy away from my older works because my writing…probably wasn’t as good. but that just means I’ve improved, so that’s good.

that’s all the questions, but this was fun ! :-)

[bluemidnightmelody]

lover/fighter - my favorite moments

[Little snippets from my Finnick/OC longfic that are stuck in my head]

From Chapter 43 - My crying hero

Finnick licks his lips and sighs softly before facing the icy sea of her eyes. "It's not quite over, but for us it is," he explains. It is both doom and salvation. He constantly longs for it to finally be over, but the end always means defeat in a way, a failure for him.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry." Rhea suddenly seems to forget her own worries and all that remains is sympathy. Even if his wording was more than vague, it can only be interpreted in one way. Hector has died. If she was feeling better, she should have realized it sooner, because if he was still a mentor, he wouldn't be here, he would be fulfilling his duties.

"Yes, me too," he replies weakly. It came as such a surprise after he'd spent the last three days preoccupied with nothing but Hector. Of course, he always takes his task seriously, but this time the fact that he needed to somehow distract himself from Rhea was also a factor. To stop his thoughts from running amok in his head, he poured all his energy into Hector and convinced himself more than ever that he would get the boy out of the arena alive. It all looked good until the wind suddenly changed.

"It only happened just now, and I couldn't bear to go back. Then somehow I ended up here." He has to turn his head away as his self-control threatens to go. Saying it out loud makes it so much worse, plus the overwhelming exhaustion and still very fresh emotional stress from the service he's done for Ambrose.

The only person who has seen him cry in years is Mags, but that could be about to change as his eyes are already getting moist. Even in front of Annie he pulls himself together, because there's no way she needs to see him like this, but at home in District 4 it's usually easier than here.

Otherwise, he manages to escape into some dark corner, at least for such weak moments. Now he has neither the opportunity nor the strength to run away while Rhea pulls him close this time. The result is that they are now sitting intertwined on the sofa, with her half-sitting on his lap, hugging him to her chest and gently running her fingers through the soft hair above his neck as he is wrapped around her, both to keep her from falling off and to keep himself grounded.

"It's not your fault," she whispers somewhere near his ear. She doesn't need to know what's really going on in his head, because the guilt he's radiating is almost palpable. Somewhere in the back of her mind is the question of where exactly he came from when he says he didn't want to go back. What could have prompted him to leave the Victory Building despite the mentoring, especially while Hector's situation is uncertain? The answer is pretty obvious and only makes it worse.

Finnick can just about hold back the emotional outburst but balances on the very edge of a ledge. He feels his fluttering breath, which he can't calm, and stammers with difficulty, "But it kind of is." His tribute needed him, and he wasn't there.

Rhea bites her lip, and she feels the trembling in his back as she strokes it gently in an attempt to calm him. The worst state she has seen him in so far was when she had to rescue him from that nightclub, but tonight probably supersedes that memory. When she reviews it all again, it's actually amazing how often she's seen him in such weak and vulnerable moments, but he's never been as close to her as he is now. It's not that she felt any less sorry for him back then, it's just different now.

Now and here, she has to admit to herself once and for all that there is nothing professional about this relationship anymore. There is not a shred of distance left, which is proven by the fact that Finnick is now emotionally closer to her than any of her friends. That doesn't mean they're any less important to her, it's just not the same.

"No. It isn't. You tried to save them and if you couldn't, no one else could have," she replies with honest conviction. Anyone would be lucky to have him as a mentor, as distorted as that may be, because she knows by now that there's probably nothing he wouldn't do to fulfill this task. She may not like it, but it is a fact that he will never be able to blame himself for not living up to his responsibilities.

"You are amazing. You have no idea how much."

They have already strayed so far from the path of a healthy relationship between doctor and patient that it makes no sense to hold on to it any longer. She'll happily leave the field entirely to Linus because, if she's honest, he's probably already doing most of her job as far as Finnick is concerned. It's certainly better this way, because otherwise it could all go in an unpleasant direction very quickly. On paper, everything can remain as it is, but the simple truth is that this has become something thoroughly personal and there's no point in trying to put any useless labels on it. There is no definition and therefore no standard procedure or behavioral protocol to follow or hold them back.

Finnick slowly understands what has actually brought him here. Getting the comfort he craves feels good and there seems nothing wrong with burying his face in her soft sweater. It's nice to be treated so tenderly, the way she plays with his hair, just the way he likes it, the way she smells so sweetly of vanilla, just like her whole home. "At the risk of coming across as conceited, can you please say that again?"

It doesn't sound the slightest bit conceited. It just sounds like someone who desperately needs some words of encouragement to avoid succumbing to the feeling of worthlessness that haunts them. She used to sound like that herself, and probably still does from time to time. "You're amazing, and trustworthy, and selfless, and anyone who thinks you wouldn't have done everything for this is an idiot," she says openly, and with enough emphasis to make it clear that these are not just empty words. "That also includes you, by the way. So, if you don't trust yourself, then believe me. I promised not to lie, and I know you've really done absolutely everything." And she comforts herself with the fact that it's really not a lie, even if she doesn't dare to speak the whole truth.

He has done truly everything, even if it means throwing away his own self-esteem for it. It's admirable in the most horrible way, what he willingly sacrifices for a game he knows no one can ever win. He deserves so much better than what this life is forcing on him.

She can feel it on her shoulder even before she hears it in his voice. Finnick has lost the battle with himself and can't stop the tears dampening the fabric of her sweater. "You're not so bad at this anymore," he replies, even if he has trouble getting the words out because of the lump in his throat.

Rhea remembers the conversation in District 4 when she told him how bad she was at comforting people. The truth is that it depends on the reason why someone feels bad. She's actually very empathetic, it's just that when it comes to topics where her eloquence fails, she sometimes looks a bit lost. But it is much more significant that he still remembers this. She doesn't realize it for the first time, but he seems to remember everything she's ever said to him, and she likes it when people can listen, really listen. "Yeah, and I don't know if you can tell, but I'm not even at my best right now," she remarks in an attempt to lighten the mood. He's usually so good at it, but today she has to take it from him.

It actually elicits a small laugh from Finnick, even if it almost sounds like a sob. "You've been practicing in secret, haven't you?" he asks, and you can detect the tiniest bit of amusement in his voice beneath the heavy layers of sadness, but that's enough for now.

"Just for you. You can feel honored," she counters the assertion with a light laugh. She can laugh again, she feels so much better, even though tears are now welling up in her eyes as well. It's so easy to make her cry at the moment, but this time she's not even sure if she's crying because she's sad or if something else has triggered it. What does it really matter?

Links to all the chapters: lover/fighter - Chapter Index

fanfiction on ao3 and wattpad

[heytheredeann]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @cha-melodius, thank you! <3<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

439! The plan is posting two more tonight so hopefull that will soon be 441 LOL.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

939,623! Almost a million yay!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment mostly TMFU, I have been getting into writing Banana Fish fic too, and I write for The Witcher, though less frequently than TMFU.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Stretch (Buck/Eddie+Christopher, 911, 3x02 AU)

Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace (Harvey/Mike, Suits, soulmates AU)

I held your hand as you shook in the middle of the night (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, 1x06 fix-it)

Leave it unspoken (Harvey/Mike, Suits, a serial killer on the loose AU looool I had forgotten about this one)

Concession (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, Geralt likes being the little spoon fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yesssss, I'm like constantly behind and sometimes I answer months late, but I love answering because 1) comments make me so happy and I want the readers who took the time to let me know they enjoyed the fic to KNOW THAT, 2) talking about fics is SO much fun, I think that discussing things in the comments is the best part of posting.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

LOOOOOOOOOOOL filter for MCD on my Ao3 and take your pick. But I'd go with either Forever is the sweetest con (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU) because the story is told backwards, so you start with post-MCD and end pre-MCD, so the ending is happy but. well. the happiness is gone already and you know it LOL, or maybe Meaner than my demons, colder than this home (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU), purely because generally speaking when I play with MCD I kill just one of them off and leave the other two to pick up the pieces, but here there's just Napoleon left, so. probably worse than the others LOL.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sooo, I tend to write one-shots, and I HAVE written fluffy fics, but I think I'll go with Something gets lost from a safe distance (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU) because it's part of a three-part series that's all emotional hurt/comfort, and then it ends with fluffy kissing so.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Eh, it has happened, I think it's inevitable if you have been doing this for long enough LOL.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not usually, I did write a TMFU/Supernatural crossover though LOL.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yesss, more than once and it's always extremely flattering that someone would want to go through all that effort <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Right now I feel particularly strongly about the TMFU OT3 but like. I love so many.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I HAVE MULTIPLE LONGFICS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS DAMMIT. I just never want to post longfics unless I have either a first draft for every chapter or at the very least an extremely detailed outline for every chapter, which means that I end up always posting one-shots LOL. Two notable mentions among these longfics are a "Napoleon gets amnesia and bullshits his way through it to avoid telling anyone because he has trust issues" fic and an AU with Illya as a ghost that's a whole angsty mess. help me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Eeeeeeeh the emotions I'd say. Or I HOPE so, since that's pretty much 80% of my writing loooool Also there a lot of lines of dialogue that I come up with that I unironically like.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plots for one, I just tend to write snapshots with no real plot most of the time, and action. I don't LIKE writing it, which means I can never tell if it's boring or if I'm just projecting, and I tend to avoid it. ...also romance/attraction/getting-together. My aroace ass never knows what is believable romance and what are just tv show tropes that are not actually real LOL.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I generally don't do it and keep to the language of the narration, just clarifying "X says in German" if there's a change of language. I write limited third POV, so I just see it as "filtering" everything through the lens of the person that we are seeing the perspective of. If I'm writing from Gaby's POV, for instance (she's German but fluent in English), I feel like TECHNICALLY the narration should be in German, so by writing in English I have already chosen a filter that is not 100% accurate. But that's the filter I'm going with, so English is the language that Gaby is communicating to the reader in, so everything should be communicated through English lens: if she's talking to someone in English, I will just write the lines with no specifications, if she's talking in German I still write in English and write "in German" in the narration, and if someone speaks a language she doesn't know I don't write the actual dialogue because she doesn't understand it, so the reader doesn't get to see it either.

I hope this makes some sort of sense LOOOOOL, I don't really mind any way I've seen this done, but this is how I prefer to go about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Fallen book series. LOL.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Evil question, go directly to jail, do not collect 100$. This answer will absolutely change every five minutes, but right now I'm particularly feeling Souvenir from a life left behind (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU), just a tiny dissolution of UNCLE fic with Napoleon angsting.

.

Tagging: @imgoingtofreakoutnow @ikeepwatchinghelicopters @thetamehistorian @huggiebird @deducitetemporacarmen @set-phasers-to-whump @cherryjuicegf @geralt-of-vengerberg and anyone else who hasn't done this yet and wants to play <3

[tsarinatorment]

i've been keeping up with eclipse and I love it but I do wonder: if you were chained to a desk and told to write a nico & will book- presumably like rick was- what would that be like? their ending in tower of nero always felt different from the others to me; like everyone else is moving on with their lives and finding their place, but nico and will are still at camp half-blood, and they're both year rounders.

Hi, anon! I'm glad you're loving Eclipse :D I had a lot of fun writing it and the reception it's got so far has been amazing - almost overwhelmingly so, at times, given the amount of people so far who have told me they prefer it to TSATS...

As for what would I write if I was told to write a Solangelo book... I'm actually not going to go into any real detail here because I'm actually working on a new longfic right now which is exactly that - taking the epilogue of TON as it is and drawing that out into a Solangelo-focused quest rather than the detour I took with Eclipse, so hopefully you'll see that appearing in a few months' time :D

I will give a few little hints, though:

More Will-centric plotlines and story. I love Nico, but one of my main issues with the overall TSATS concept long before it was published was that Nico's story arc seemed to be over (he's found his place, he's in therapy etc.) so I wasn't sure what exactly Rick thought he could do with him that didn't ruin what he'd already achieved... Will, on the other hand, has a lot of untapped potential to unlock still, so I want to highlight him a bit more here

Supportive, healthy, Solangelo. I don't believe that you need to put a rift or relationship drama in a story just for the sake of it. We see so much of this healthy support in TOA that I'd love to keep going with that, expanding upon it. That's not to say that they're each other's yes-men, of course, but small disagreements that they resolve with respect for each other's points of view? Always good

Apollo and Hades ares still present and involved. I've actually described working on this plot so far as feeling like I'm having to bat Apollo away with a cardboard tube, because he still doesn't want them to go on a dangerous quest, but also this time I'm not letting him lock them up and go in their place, otherwise that would defeat the whole object of doing a different fic on a similar premise

Plot twists. I'm not saying what they are, but I will say that this quest is probably not going to go the way people think it is - not even Nico and Will!

Regarding your comment about how it feels like all the others are getting on with their lives while Will and Nico are still at camp - Jason's death broke Piper, and Leo's found a family that works better for him than camp did. The likes of Percy and Annabeth are off to university.

But Nico and Will are younger than them. It's difficult to remember at times, especially with Nico because he's been floating in and around the main story since TTC, but as of the end of TOA they're both fifteen, to Percy's nearly eighteen. There's two and a half to three years between them and the original PJO (human) cast, there's about two years between them and the HOO cast - it makes sense that they still have years left at camp. Percy's story as the camp's Big Three Kid has come to an end, and good for him - Nico is now the one stepping up into that role. In many ways, Nico's story, or at least this new, better, chapter of his life, is just beginning. Let him have fun at camp, let him be the child he's suppressed and get up to mischief! Let Will take time to be less responsible, less in charge of not just a full cabin of siblings but also the entire camp's health, and be a child himself. It's true that neither of them will be fully free of their responsibilities, or their trauma, but they've still got so much time to adapt in CHB's understanding environment.

Really, they shouldn't be forced into another Big Thing at all, but we're also looking at the Olympic Revolution looming threateningly in the background, the natural progression that the overarching story Rick's been telling is heading towards, and of course we have this quest teased in TON - which, again, I think should be far more geared towards focusing on Will and his trauma rather than rehashing what we already know and have seen resolved, as much as trauma can ever be resolved, with Nico.

[technicalchaotic]

I just read Hope of Morning and it is SO good, I love your worldbuilding and characterization and clown church and everything :DDD absolutely fantastic job!!!!

Ah. I also found your post from like last year about questions to ask, and while all of those are fantastic and compelling things I would absolutely adore to hear you talk about, narrowed down I’d probably ask about either the sequel, the GHB<>signless thing, or the thing that sparked the conflict between the GHB and HIC in Hope of Morning (I think that’s the thing? I’m in mobile rn so no checking)

Anyway!!!!! Regardless of whether you’re still into homestuck and/or want to answer, your writing is good and I hope you’re doing well!!! Happy pride as well :)

Oh shit. I read this a couple days ago and I swear I responded but I guess I just thought really hard about it instead.

Okay sweet, it's 3am, I just checked into a hotel that I'm pretty sure is owned by bedbugs, and I've been feeling the clown itch again so let's talk about some shit

Hope of Morning Sequel

Let's call it 'bottled memories'

So full disclosure, I fully intend to end HoM someday but I just came off a *hellish* career mistake so it'll be a minute.

So I'm gonna try and describe the sequel without spoiling what's left of the main story. I may or may not be successful because I dont actually remember much about where the last chapter left off.

Bottled memories is focused around the resurrection and reformation of the Mirthful Church. The thing about laughsassuns is it's hard to be sure you got *all* of them. The thing about trolls is the mother grub is gonna keep churning out wrigglers in all colors so long as the jades bring her slurry. The thing about (my) clowns is that purple lusii aren't shit, so clowns make do.

It's also partially focused around one of my fanclowns. It's a crying shame the only longfic I ever got around to writing requires all my clowns to be dead because I love them. Especially Kalton, who has been around for something like 7 slutty, slutty years.

If you want more than that you'll have to ask because I crave attention constantly.

Ghb <> Signless

Okay so I'm a slut for doomed romances and dancestor echos. I'd have to go back to the post to remember which one I was thinking about specifically, but generally I want it to go like this:

Kurloz is a fucking bastard okay? But you know what, so is Kankri. They're assholes. Maybe Kankri lures him into a debate. Maybe it's a murderstuck-style emergency romance, maybe Kurloz only ever meets him once he's on the jut and knows the instant he looks into those burning eyes that he has done something unforgivable and irreparable. But my favorite is where they somehow make it work, and Kankri stays a well-kept secret among the upper castes, enacting subtle changes in alternian society while Kurloz is slightly less murder-happy with a Vantas holding his leash.

I do want to talk about the bad blood between condy and Kurloz, but I'm falling asleep on my phone, so that will be in a reblog tomorrow.

[sweet-s0rr0w]

1 and 24 for the end of the year questions.

Happy New year, lovely 🥰✨💖🙌🤗

Gosh, Tai getting straight down to BUSINESS with these two!

1. Favourite fic you wrote this year

I have super conflicting feelings about this. I'm really self-critical, as anyone who knows me knows, and probably a year ago I'd have been tempted to reply that I didn't like any of them. But I'm growing, and I won't. Of course, I asked @tackytigerfic first, because they know my brain better than I do, and they say it has to be Nor All That Glisters (E, 111k). I'm inclined to agree, because it's a fucking NOVEL, and it was my first ever fic, and I wrote it off the cuff, and I like the pacing, and the plot, and my Draco, and my OC. But I still feel a bit conflicted because there are parts I'd do differently even now. Short fics are easier to love, because with longer ones you're always going to have less favourite parts, I think. Of my medium length fics I have the fondest feelings for Crash (Into Me), and very short I do love Dangerous.

24. Favourite fic you read this year

Look, I'll say up front that there's no way I can possibly choose one. BUT I've been humming and hawing about making some kind of end of year reclist, and I wasn't going to because a) I haven't read even a quarter of what I wanted to this year. (especially longfics, I've read barely even a handful), and b) I knew I'd leave out some fab ones and I didn't want to hurt people's feelings etc etc. There is obviously no objective 'best fics of 2021' list. But with that said, here's a little list of 2021 fics that I've thought of, right now, off the top of my head - fics that for one reason or another have stuck with me this year! If yours isn't in here, esp if I've raved about it, please know that it's my poor memory and nothing else <3

I have ranked these in my own personal order from your soft, fluffy, loving, makes-you-cry-with-affection type, through your angst with happy ending, right down to your OMG THE PAIN I WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN fics, so you can pick your poison <3

In a rambling way by @fw00shy (T, 7.6k, Yosemite, babies, toothbrushes, roadtrips and the stars)

Flooded by @vina-writes (G, 1.9k, medieval AU, floods, cottages, lambs, cows and tenderness)

Enjoy the Silence by @shealwaysreads (M, 3.4k, tattoos, mutism, softness, custard tarts and falling in love)

Limits of Earth and Sky by @jackvbriefs (E, 3.8k, extreme broomriding, fearlessness, curiosity, bakeries and getting together)

sex in trees for beginners by @phd-mama (E, 9.2k, eighth year, party games, anti-unicorns, losing virginity, humour, fuck-or-die-ish)

Among Ancient Pines by @graymatters,@cambiodipolvere and @onlytheheartknows (M, 74k, Alaska, wands, Healers, wolves, fireworks, warmth and love)

Beneath the Wave by @moonflower-rose (M, 30k, domesticity, humour, cooking, giant rabbits, feverish love confessions and tent sex)

A Love Story of Less-Than-Epic Proportions by InnerLilith (E, 39k, gigs, mosh-pits, emo music, piercings, road-trips, roommates, obliviousness)

Contractually Obligated by @fluxweeed (T, 11k, humour, forced marriage (but make it sweet), dancing, hilarious wedding cakes, and don't forget the E rated sequel!)

The Foxing Ring by @vukovich (E, 24k, boxing, banking, fur kink, humour and fox animagi)

Two Starts, One Finish by @lqtraintracks (E, 5.4k, piano playing, getting together, the Knight Bus, the Floo, finding yourself)

Nothing Left to Burn by @skeptiquewrites (E, 5.1k, parties, old goodbyes, new hellos, getting back together, nose rings and a hopeful ending)

A Little Death Never Hurt Anyone by @tackytigerfic (E, 4.3k, Westminster Abbey, muggle-magical relations, the Elder Wand, Queen Elizabeth I, wartime)

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight (M, 17k, Ministry corruption, us against the world, flower codes, Legilimency, art and beauty)

Rules for Night Guards at Golden Locket Ent. by @joonkorre (G, 1.4k, rules, cryptids, mystery and horror)

Possessed by @shah-writes (T, 9.1k, possessed Draco, horror elements, magical theory, blood and gore and a happy ending)

A Grey Shrike Alighted upon my Wishbone by @opalesqueopioid (E, 6.9k, memory loss, Jobberknolls, jacuzzi sex and an ambiguous ending)

Free To A Good Home by @onbeinganangel (T, 1k, memories, love, friends and coping with grief)

Born to Drown by @floydig (M, 3.2k, drug abuse, break up, angst and memories)

[ptera-novaeangliae]

Pathologic Fic Recs

So since my fic is coming to an end, and it’s received so many more viewers than I ever expected, I’m going to shoutout some of my favourite patho fics that I’ve read or am currently reading, since so many writers in this fandom are BRILLIANT and I’d love to give them some more attention. I really haven’t made it through a lot of fic, so this list is rather limited (and has a LOT of burakhovsky, but not all). If anyone wants to add suggestions, please feel free to reblog and add, I’d really love some more to read, and perhaps other people do too! It would be cool to build on this! Titles are linked to the fics!

i will get up now and go about the city by Lvslie

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Teen, Words: 12869, Complete

The blooming twyre dizzies, but the point of touch is grounding. // His words, still, come clouded and vague, “This has happened before.” // “Not like this,” // Artemy’s voice is rough and curt. Hopeful again. “You never stayed.” // He blinks. “I can’t stay. It’s not how this works.”

[Or; Daniil starts remembering.]

A look at the concept of repeating loops, different timelines and the whole concept of pathologic as a game interacted with differently by players, through the eyes of Daniil. I know most people have read this by now, but it’s honestly a masterpiece that everyone should read if they can.

rien de rien by mrcogito

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Mature, Words: 5478, Complete

“I had a feeling.” // The music restarts, but there’s something off with the record—it’s scratchy, fuzzy still. Dankovsky doesn’t look at him, gone suddenly pale. “Feeling?” // “That I left something behind.” // “What?” // Artemy takes a breath. “You, I think.”

Or: a breaking point.

Another incredible writer, who manages to capture the characterisation perfectly in this post-diurnal getting together fic. The way they use tension is masterful, and the writing really gets you choked up at times. They also have further fics exploring these characters that I can’t wait to check out!

Old Black Train by mothi

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Teen, Words: 27687, Complete

After the Plague, Artemy travels to the Capital to understand the present, and finds the past.

Okay, I can’t do a patho fic rec without this instant classic. The less I say the better, but honestly I don’t think a fic has ever hit me so hard. I’m still absolutely overcome just thinking about it, and I read it in September. Do heed the warnings though.

it takes a dedicated hand by landrovaling

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Teen, Words:  18261, Complete

The Polyhedron falls. So does Daniil Dankovsky.

I had the honour of watching this fic come to fruition, it’s by a great friend, and honestly this is the softest post-diurnal Burakhovsky. It’s got all that you need! Fantastic interactions with the kids, lovely characterisation, hesitant burda, great dialogue... Check it out!

Tiptoe Through The True Bits by passionatememes and beavis

Pairing: Stakh Rubin/ Bad Grief, Rating: Teen, Words: 66,473, Ongoing

Grief and Stakh have a complicated history together. Their friends start conspiring so they might have a slightly less complicated future.

Okay everything by passionatememes is fantastic and you should check it out, but this Grief/Rubin longfic is coming along BRILLIANTLY so far. They have such an incredible dynamic, and I wasn’t a fan of the pairing until this fic dragged me in, oh I love them now. The way Micah and Beavis write all of the characters is fantastic- definitely check this one out if you like Artemy’s friend group (and the kids are here too... they are legends...)

Into The Wider World by godisadyke

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Teen, Words: 50,000, Complete

He was about to walk into a room of strangers, read for a role he knew nothing about in a play he knew nothing about—during their first rehearsal, nonetheless—all because some 19 year old told him to. Artemy’s breath caught in his throat. Who did he think he was? He was close to just turning around, leaving and pretending none of this ever happened.

ACTOR AU!!! So they’re actors huh? What about an on set romance fic? This premise is SO good and it’s shaping up to be a lot of fun so far, with a fantastic ensemble cast! The fun modern AU commentary of the meta that we all need!

how did we get here and how do we get back? by qawerian and seefaster

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Rating: Mature, Words: 40,743, Complete

After Dankovsky gets a mysterious invitation to a scientific conference in the Capital, Burakh and him decide to pay a visit to Daniil's hometown to figure out what's going on and to run some errands, while they're at it.

alternative title: the world's shittiest big city vacation

This is another premise I’ve been really excited about reading, it’s got a few concepts I’m interested in exploring in JTB verse, and the way it’s handled here is wonderful! Fantastic building of the Capital from a couple of people who have brilliant insight into it, it really hits the historical beats well, and there is a great plot surrounding them that’s keeping me on the edge of my seat. I’ve still got a bit to catch up on, but it’s been fantastic so far! Also I should mention the burda is SO SOFT and familiar, it’s melting me...

One and Two by jigsteppe

Pairing: None (focus is on Artemy and Ersher), Rating: None, Words: 1342, Complete

In which Artemy unexpectedly becomes an only child.

Micah sent this a few months ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s exploring Ersher’s death, and the impact it had on little Artemy, and damn, it hits SO HARD. It’s a very difficult fic, but worth it if you’re interested in Ersher. It provides some devastating ideas about his death, and it’s so well done. I can feel it in my chest. 

My Immortell by  candylemonsticks, tanzertime

Pairing: Artemy/Daniil, Artemy/Grief, Daniil/Grief, Rating: Mature, Words: 9212 (yup), Complete

Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. Yes, I cried laughing at it. I don’t think anymore needs to be said.

[maliciouslycreative]

How I played damage control to an anti in a small anime fandom and may have led to her ultimate downfall

I know I had a really nice write up of this at one point but oh well. I’ll spill more of the tea in this one because honestly the tea was so hot.

There are a few things that I have to give context to first. Gaia online was like THE mega forum of the 2000s, you made a little avatar and through posting and doing other activities on the forum you made money to buy clothes for your avatar. There were forums for everything but the fannish portions were really what drew in most of the people. The anime I was into was Beyblade. It was a shonen anime about fighting with tops that were possessed by the spirits of magical creatures. The story was honestly pretty average but the characters were fantastic and the fandom is to this day still one of my favourites. The series had a primarily male cast and didn’t even have a female lead until the second season. This led to the fanfic for the English fandom being about 70% canon/OC, 10 % canon m/f, and 20% slash. The most popular character in the English fandom was by far Kai Hiwatari, the loner badboy of the team.

Also before we get started I would like to add that one of my best friends was neck deep in this and the two of us were more or less fandom married. This is the same friend that I fake dated, had feelings for, and she nearly got me into kpop in 2011 so like if you haven’t read that story please read it too because it will give you a good idea of how stupid I am and how much of a fanfic I have truly lived. 

To set the stage I was 16, soon to be 17 when I joined the fandom and it was 2004. In September of that year I wrote a humour longfic that became an absolute smash hit and I found myself somehow fandom famous. It was around this time that I joined Gaia online. I made my little avatar and immediately went looking for the beyblade thread so that I could make new friends. I found the main thread, made my little introduction and at the end of it mentioned that I was a slash writer but I supported all ships. This is where I met C. She had declared herself the authority on Beyblade in these parts and I had just committed the crime of mentioning slash which was very obviously not canon and we did not discuss in this thread because we only discussed canon things. I was like well that’s a bit severe but like sure whatever I just want to hang out and have fun. 

Oh boy did I have no idea what I was in for. 

C was a year older than me and unfortunately that made her older than the majority of the fans at the time. Her favourite character was Kai, and she was not shy about talking about this fact. She stanned Kai above all other characters, and often at their expense. She was also a fanfic writer of a popular canon/OC series. Actually, she was so full of herself that she didn’t even call herself a fanfic writer, no her stories were in fact novels and were apparently very good. I never read them. But more on that later. 

Eventually the slash fans got tired of her being rude to us in the general thread so we made a Beyblade slash thread. There was a core of like 8 or so of us and we honestly had sooo much fun. When C would be too unbearable in the main thread the people from there used to come over to our thread and we’d chat with them about non slash stuff because we were honestly all multishippers and just wanted to have fun. We’d get comments like “wow, I’ve had more pleasant canon het ship discussions in the slash thread than the regular thread”. We never worried about C coming over and getting upset about comments like this because she refused to be associated with anything related with slash lmao. 

I tried my best to keep the peace between C, myself, and the rest of the fandom because ultimately I hate being in fandom drama. I just want everyone to have a good time. I’m a people pleaser. Unfortunately my newfound fame put me in the awkward position of being the most fandom popular person in our small community aside from C. Virtually every fan that read fanfics that came into our thread knew one of us or the other by reputation and C HATED this. Especially because people would come in to the thread, recognise me and go “oh my goodness I love your fanfics!” and I’d be super sweet with them and it’d lead into “I can’t believe how nice you are, I love you” which would lead to us crying at each other. This was not the kind of fan interaction that C got, no her fans were more kind that were there to praise her and worship her like a deity that had blessed them with some gift. Rarely did they tell her how kind she was. 

Back in the mid 2000s there were really commonly those commercials (usually by Christian organisations) asking people to sponsor say children in Africa or to help build schools or provide drinking water. You all probably know the ones; know the language that they used in those commercials. My fandom wife, who I suppose I shall call wifey because yes we were THAT couple back then, once said that C described her fics like those people described donating money to save the lives of Children in Africa. So we used to joke that her fics were so good they’d save lives in Africa. Looking back at it all, she almost had a very fundamentalist Christian approach to bringing people into her fanfics. She of course tried to get all the slash people into reading it. None of us read canon/oc fic mostly due to our poor treatment at the hands of their fans and creators. Getting fed up I one day told her that if she would read any one of my fanfics that I would read the entirety of her novels. Yes, I was willing to commit to read a couple 100k of canon/oc fanfic that I’d never touch normally if she would even read one of my 1k 1 shots. Heck, I had a fic even that shipped 2 minor characters so she didn’t even have to sully herself reading about one of the main characters. It was honestly a good deal in her favour. I kept this up until the day we all left the fandom. Sometimes I do wonder if her fics were even ¼ as good as she claimed, but I will never know because she refused to read my fics. 

She wasn’t all bad and a tyrant all the time. As long as people kept the conversations on track and didn’t come in to the thread saying things like “KAI IS SO HOT ND T3H BEST N I AM GUN 2 MARRY HIM” she stayed mostly civil. It was always hilarious watching InuYahsa or Naruto fans try to come in and bad mouth Beyblade because they’d unleash the dragon and C was great at chasing off undesirables in the thread. 

The real apex of goings on though on Gaia was the guild drama. So guilds were like exclusive themed mini forums within Gaia. Anyone could buy one and run it however they want, as long as it still adhered to Gaia’s ToS. C of course was the owner of the only Beyblade guild. The fandom wasn’t really big enough to support 2 guilds so we just kind of let it go. Technically she allowed people to post slash fanfics but like everything had to be explicitly tagged and there was absolutely no slash RP. Wifey and I controlled a handful of minor characters together in the forum RP and definitely used to try to push the boundaries a little bit. Some ambiguous flirting here, a stray comment there. It was such a fragile balance though because C was heavy on the ban button. The active portion of the guild was just people that were in the cult of C and worshipped her writing. 

Understandably the other slash fans and myself were getting disheartened by this. So we pooled our funds together and decided that we’d open a second guild that though it was run by slash fans we would welcome anyone into our ranks. We just wanted to have a fun place for everyone to hang out, and to hopefully run a few events out of. In hindsight, we should have seen what would happen. When we opened the guild, with me as the guild leader, it was like somebody blew up the whole dam protecting the delicate ecosystem we had cultivated. Every single person in the Gaia fandom that was not a zealous follower of C applied to be in our guild and left her guild. We of course figured that we’d attract some of the gen population but we did not expect to accidentally poach all of it. All of the moderators were getting messages from people thanking us for giving them a place where they could say whatever they wanted without fear of getting their faces ripped off or banned. 

C lost her shit. She was so mad that we went behind her back to ruin her guild. We literally had to show her posts in the very public slash thread that we had been planning this in public and that it was not to ruin her life. We just wanted a place where we could freely post slash. The two of us had some spicy comments back and forth and then she dropped an absolute bombshell on me. Since Gaia’s mail system is terrible I unfortunately no longer have exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “Ok, you win. I’m going to close my guild.”. Us slash fans had never been doing this to win anything. We had never been competing. We just wanted a safe space to be ourselves. 

C never joined our guild. The fandom slowly faded out within the next year anyway. We weren’t getting new content so naturally people just drifted into other fandoms. C kept up with the main Beyblade thread for a lot longer than most of us but eventually that eventually faded into obscurity too. 

I learned a lot about fandom bullies from those days. But honestly the thing that stuck with me the most out of everything was that if you provide a positive safe space for people they will flock to it. It may seem like there are so many hostile people out there, but there really aren't. They're the minority but they just make sure that their voice is the loudest. The best way is to ignore them and just do your own thing. The bullies just want attention and if you don’t give it to them and prove to them that their opinion doesn’t matter to you then they’ll move in and find something else to yell at. 

[lokilickedme]

Hulu and Do You

A Hammer Of The Gods Jake & Tate Shortfic, Part One

Part One - The Worst Kind of Man Rated M for language and adult themes - no sex yet (and I stress yet) 1703 words Takes place a year after the events of Hammer of The Gods

I’m posting this here for now because I’m not in the mood to accidentally start another longfic and AO3 tends to do that to me.  This will be two parts with the second coming later.  Written under the duress of a headache and not edited or proofread, so...whatever’s down there is what ya get.

I’ll reblog later tonight with my tag list attached.  Slide under the cut and lets go :)

“Geezus fuck kid, take that to your mom.”

Tate flinched, that same old kneejerk reaction to a raised male voice that she’d always had, a holdover from another time, another place, and most definitely another man.  But the man in the next room hadn’t really raised his voice, had he?  No, it was just that she was so damn used to it happening that the reflex had become too deeply ingrained to not be automatic.  It made her feel ashamed of herself for not being over it, just a tiny bit.

Jake didn’t raise his voice.  Not at her, not at her kids, not ever.  She’d never really actually heard him raise it, not in anger, not even when he was threatening a creatively bloody demise toward her long gone ex the day he’d popped his jaw damn well near clean off his face.

Jake wasn’t a yeller.

But he was definitely a curser, and her son had committed the unforgivable by blasting into the room he was working in to offer up an empty GoGurt tube in trade for a new one.

It wasn’t unforgivable in this house though, and it wasn’t unforgivable with this man.

Only The Ex.  Once upon a time.

Jake didn’t mind the kids coming into his study room; he wasn’t insanely nuts about them being around him, but he had no particular dislike of it either, other than when one or the other of them handed him something sticky.

Like the youngest just had.

She couldn’t blame him, to be honest.  GoGurt tubes in the hands of a four year old weren’t something she enjoyed dealing with herself, and Jake - well, Jake wasn’t the daddy type.  But he was a good man, albeit a filthy-mouthed one, and the words hadn’t even been the slightest bit irritated sounding.  Just more of an Ew, hell no.

So why the flinch?

She’d been trying to sort that in her head for the past year, and the only conclusion she’d reached was the uncertain possibility that she was simply afraid that one day Jake would become like The Ex.  Angry, irritated, controlling, condescending.  Disapproving.  Abusive.  She had nothing to base it on other than the fact that it had happened once and her luck, though vastly improved since the night she’d grabbed the kids and walked out with nothing but Jake’s tuition money in her pocket, couldn’t possibly hold.

Or could it?

Perhaps Pete had been right when he’d summed his friend up in a single sentence - He might look like he’d snap your neck for a half smoked cig but he’d just as soon pay you a nickel for it.  It hadn’t made sense at the time, but a year of dating the man had put a bit of clarity on it for her.  Jake was quick to anger in attitude only.  For the most part he was levelheaded, quiet, capable.  He had a low tolerance for idiocy and a deep appreciation for common sense, and what he put into the world by way of surliness he made up for in an intense intelligence and observant nature that dictated he simply deal with problems himself instead of waiting for anyone else to solve them.  And now, after all this time, she knew something not many other people knew.

The angry attitude wasn’t real.

Jake Harper was a fraud.

He didn’t hate the world...he was just uncomfortable in it.  Whether it was shyness or impatience or what his sisters referred to as “a near fatal case of attention deficit coupled with just too damn smart for this world”, she’d probably never figure out.

Not that it mattered.  She’d long since sorted how to work around it and keep that furrow-browed scowl from being used on her.

Jake was easily distractable...and he didn’t like to watch TV.

At all.

And that was where Tate’s secret weapon came into play.

He’d been studying a lot lately.  Way too much, but he had finals coming up.  She shouldn’t even be here, not really, not while he was working on such a time crunch with such a massive class load, but they hadn’t seen each other in a week aside from a quick lunch on Tuesday and a late night Facetime sexup the following evening.  It hadn’t been difficult talking him into letting her come over.

Or talking Pete into picking up the kids and taking them to the park so she and Jake could be alone for a couple of hours.  But he was running late and the kids were making a lot of noise, and now there was a drippy GoGurt tube incoming.

“Pete, come on.”

“Your wish is my command, Tatertot.”

“Geezus!!”

Her face went a bit warm, hearing that crude word pop out of her own mouth.  She’d been around Jake too much, he was rubbing off on her.

Rubbing off on her.

The alternate connotations of that phrase added more heat to her cheeks but thankfully Pete didn’t notice.  He was too busy grabbing her son up and tossing him haphazardly into the air, a horrifying habit she’d gotten used to.

“Sorry, runnin’ late.  Little girl, come on lets go!”  One huge paw came up to gingerly remove her son’s tiny fist from where it was twisted in his long unruly hair.  “Ew.  Is that GoGurt?  Better be blueberry, the cotton candy looks shit on me.”

Good old Pete.  If Jake hadn’t been the one to break the lock on her bedroom window - euphemism or no - things might have been a little different at this juncture of her life.  But Pete was a better friend than Jake would have been if the roles were shifted, and she was grateful for the big brash Viking’s helpful companionship.

Especially now.

“Take some frozen peas for the ducks.”

And then they were gone, and she was left standing in the doorway to Jake’s study room, looking at his broad back and swooning just a little bit over the contrast between his long dark hair and the light blue of his tee shirt as he hunched forward over his desk, deep in concentration that she knew didn’t come easy for him.

“You want to take a break?  Kids are gone, we could watch some TV.”

She knew he didn’t like TV, he didn’t have either the ability or the desire to put that much focus into something recreational after devoting so much effort into keeping his head on his studies.  He turned his head just slightly to the side, not looking at her, but acknowledging her presence.  “That show you like, they put the final season up.”

“Yeah?  Which one?”

He leaned back in his chair, stretching his back.  “That whack one about the preacher and the vampire.”

“You’re kidding?!  Want to start it?  I can call us in a pizza.”

He turned his chair to the left, coming around slowly to face her.  There was something dark and slightly wicked in the twist of his lips that shot a shiver through her.  “Do that.  I’m gonna finish this chapter and then I’m gonna Hulu and do you.”

“Ooh...and here I thought the whole Netflix and chill trend was going to just pass us by.  I mean...”  She took a step back, exiting the doorway, letting her hand stray purposefully toward the top button of her shirt.  “You’re always so busy with school and you have that personal vendetta against Netflix and all - “

“They sold Doctor Who to Amazon.  Fuck ‘em.”

“Well yeah, can’t disagree with you there.”

His eyes passed over her briefly, lingering for just a moment on her hand where her fingers toyed with the button.  It was enough.  Jake didn’t ogle, though there were times she wished he would as some sort of a courtesy warning shot before he made his intentions known.  There wasn’t a lot of preamble with him.  Straightforward and to the point, always.

Good old Viletongue.

She had no complaints.  Because she always knew where she stood with Jake.

But today...today she wasn’t planning on standing.

                                         ************************

He was bored already, she could tell.  He was a scientist at heart, which she found humorous - Captain Curseword, the filthiest-mouthed man she’d ever met, the guy who could take a toddler’s boardbook with eleven words in it and turn it into a foul diatribe so intensely crass it made you step away from him for fear of the wrath of God accidentally hitting you while aiming at him - this man was possessed of an analytical mind so sharp and detail oriented that anything shy of a scientific documentary lost his attention within minutes.  His chosen profession suited his intellect, the chemistry aspect of pharmacology more than enough to give his mind something to work on all the time, but it ran so counter crossways to the physical side of him that sometimes she found herself wondering if he’d been accidentally housed inside the wrong body at birth.

In fact, sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t quite human at all.

She’d thought him an angel once.

And then she’d slept with him and realized he was, in fact, a god.

A god that was about to fall asleep less than ten minutes into Preacher episode one season four.  She looked over at him, next to her on the couch with his head back on the cushions, those stormy sky blue eyes half closed while his fingers tapped out an odd little rhythm on the thigh of her jeans.  Likely typing a chemical equation of some kind, his brain’s stubborn refusal to shut down long enough to rest seeping out through the steady drum of his fingertips.

He was a confusing thing sometimes.  He was both the best kind of man and the worst kind of man...and what she needed right now was the worst kind.

Taking that busily distracted hand from her thigh, she moved it up to her chest and laid it palm-down over her breast.  Jake didn’t respond, but his fingers clenched slightly; she looked over to find he’d closed his eyes entirely, but the tiniest twitch of a grin was gently turning up the corners of that filthy, filthy mouth.

[somethingwritey]

sneak peek: “run to you” - a rangshi longfic

💖 i am currently working on a rangshi longfic (50k words at the moment) that i’ll eventually publish on ao3. it takes place directly following the events of The Shadow of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee. 

💖 my writing commissions are open! message me with commission requests or questions! 

💖 here’s a sneak peek of “run to you”! 

--- 

Kyoshi had blood on her hands.

Quite literally, at the moment.

She stared down at her palms and fingers, hoping they didn’t shake as badly as she feared.

She knew she needed to wash the weight of Rangi’s blood away, watch it swirl down her arms and out of sight, as if that alone could wipe away the pain she’d caused her girl, but for some reason, Kyoshi couldn’t seem to move her feet.

Every part of her felt heavy and languid, and it was hard work to imagine that these were the same limbs that had carried, defended, and healed only hours ago. Kyoshi wanted to curl up into a ball and wait for someone else to save the world for once.

Because that was the oh, so incessant problem about Avatarhood. No matter how many messes Kyoshi cleaned up, there were still new terrors cropping up the moment she sat down to catch her breath. It was exhausting. Behind all the makeup and armor, she was still the servant girl in the mansion - tasked with the never-ending job of cleaning up.

“You saved her life.”

Kyoshi lifted her head to see Hei-Ran, standing only a little less poised than usual. The teetering fate of Rangi had taken a toll on even the most rigid members of her group.

“I did my duty.” The words came out defeated, as if Kyoshi had lost instead of won. Then again, with Yun’s grey body lying somewhere inside the ruined mansion waiting to be put to rest, and a bloodied Rangi being tended to by Atuat, maybe she couldn’t claim victory after all.

Peace comes at a price.

She heard the words in Lao Ge’s voice, although she was fairly certain he’d never actually uttered them to her.

“You did far beyond that, Avatar.” Hei-Ran thought about it for a moment, then took a seat beside her - flicking her robes out behind her as she did. “You should be honored for what you’ve done.”

“Yeah, except no one will even know!” Kyoshi slammed her fists down on the ground, causing a small tremor beneath them. “Zoryu’s made sure of that! He gets all the credit, and all he’s done is sentence an innocent man to death!”

This outburst probably wouldn’t win her any favor in Hei-Ran’s eyes - the woman so committed to her duty that she’d willingly sacrificed her hair and honor to acknowledge her failures - but Kyoshi couldn’t help it.

Her first choice for a confidant would’ve been Rangi, of course. Or maybe Kelsang. But with the latter dead and the former barely conscious, she supposed the old headmistress would have to do. The woman had claimed Kyoshi as a daughter back in North Chung-Ling. Perhaps that warranted a bit of sympathy or at least a listening ear.

“The Fire Lord’s job is complicated,” Hei-Ran stated. “As is yours. You’ve both been tasked with the impossible: governing a world that does not wish to be governed by you. Chaos is the natural order, Kyoshi, as much as we pretend it is not. The Fire Nation must go to great lengths to maintain our control. Even if it… requires some bloodshed.”

“I didn’t ask for this.” Kyoshi shook her head. She no longer felt the dull aching in her chest that used to come with a reminder of her station, but that didn’t mean the Era of Kyoshi hadn’t been stained with blood and confusion and deceit. 

“The Spirits chose you.”

Why?

The plaintive question would’ve made her sound like a child, so Kyoshi sealed her lips and kept the pleading inside. She wanted answers. And since Hei-Ran would understand nothing more about the mysterious methods of the spirits than she did, Kyoshi decided to at least start with something the woman stood a chance at knowing.

“Was Rangi mad?” She rubbed the side of her face and dried blood flaked off, fluttering towards the ground. “When I left, I mean.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Hei-Ran’s face. “Enough to shoot flames out of her ears.”

For a moment, Kyoshi tried to picture it - a steaming mad Rangi, with her face boiling red and fists clenched into tight balls. The last time she’d gotten that upset, the Firebender had flipped a table off a balcony. For a moment, the memory tugged at the corner of Kyoshi’s mouth - lifting it into a lopsided smile. 

And then the moment passed.

“I’m sorry I killed your daughter.”

Hei-Ran frowned. “You healed her, Kyoshi.”

Only after Rangi had traveled to fight alongside the girl who’d locked her into the ground and put her mother on a possible death bed. “Because I put her in danger. It doesn’t count. Doing right by her after that was just… canceling out the bad.”

Kyoshi felt like she’d been doing that her whole life: making mistakes and then fixing them. It didn’t seem right to take the credit for something she’d messed up in the first place.

You were the one innocent party, Yun had told her. Oh, if only that were the truth.

“Hei-Ran?” Atuat had emerged from the infirmary, traveling up to where Kyoshi and the headmistress sat. Hei-Ran was on her feet immediately, but whether to appear respectable in front of the doctor or out of fear for what news she’d bring, Kyoshi couldn’t be sure.

“How is she?” Kyoshi found her way to her feet as well, Atuat’s presence sending a fresh wave of worry down her spine.

“Oh good, Kyoshi’s here, too. Saves me a trip.” Atuat took her time reaching them and with each passing moment, Kyoshi found herself more and more on edge. By the time the Waterbender made it over, she could feel her body vibrating again.

“Well?” Hei-Ran demanded, clearly just as impatient as Kyoshi, but with better control over her exterior.

“She’s asleep.” Atuat’s manner always confused Kyoshi a bit. She never seemed exhausted by the threat of death. Perhaps she’d just become too acquainted with it, or maybe mastering the power of healing made her immune to the fear. Either way, she always emerged from battle hospitals like she’d finished a rather routine examination.

“Will she be okay?” Kyoshi remembered the crunch of earth as it impaled Rangi’s back. The way the blood had rushed away from her lips. How she’d looked up at her as the life drained away. “Is the damage permanent? I know I didn’t heal her right. I tried my best, but -”

“Kyoshi.” Atuat held up her hand. “Rangi is a strong girl. She’s going to be alright. In pain, certainly, but in the end alright.”

Kyoshi exhaled shakily, barely able to keep it together enough to thank her.

“You need rest, too, Avatar,” Atuat pressed, motioning down towards the infirmary. “There’s a spare bed down the hill.”

The last thing Kyoshi wanted to do was sleep. How could she just let herself clock out when Rangi needed caring for? When the Flying Opera Company was wounded? When Jinpa still hadn’t come down from his medicine high due to her own poor measurements?

As if Atuat could read her mind, the doctor narrowed her eyes. “That monk is off his rocker. You gave him too much.”

“Sorry, sifu.”

“Rest, Kyoshi,” was the only response she got in return. “And take off those clothes. You’ve got blood all over you.”

///

“I can feel you staring at me.”

Kyoshi jumped a little, hurriedly switching her gaze to the other side of the room and away from Rangi’s bed before deciding hiding it was futile. The Firebender hadn’t moved in over two hours, but apparently, the wounded girl was more perceptive than Kyoshi had anticipated.  

“I thought you were sleeping!” Kyoshi whispered, doing her best not to disturb Kirima and Wong, who were asleep in their respective wooden beds.

“I’m resting.” Rangi still hadn’t opened her eyes. “A concept you might not be familiar with.”

A hum of relief ran through Kyoshi’s arms. If Rangi was well enough to give her shit, then maybe that meant the girl would be alright after all.

“I know how to rest.” Kyoshi crossed her arms and did her best to look wounded.  

“Yeah, and Jinpa’s a murderer.”

Kyoshi glanced over at her secretary, who was propped up against the wooden headboard and still singing to himself in dulcet tones.  

“Kyoshi, please try to sleep,” Rangi pleaded.

Easier said than done. Sitting still seemed too difficult for Kyoshi at the moment, let alone actually falling asleep.

“Yeah, well,” Kyoshi mumbled offhandedly. “I’m not really keen on seeing you die again in my dreams.” It came out sounding more dire than she’d meant.

Only then did Rangi open her eyes, staring at Kyoshi from across the way. “I’m fine.”

It would’ve been a lot more convincing if her hands weren’t locked tight around the thin cotton sheets, compensating for some sort of pain she must be feeling.

“Fine?” Kyoshi stared at her incredulously. “You were stabbed.”

“Can you two please keep it down?” Kirima suddenly cut in, gesturing to her splinted leg. “Some of us are trying to heal!”

Apparently, her ability to tell who was asleep badly needed fine-tuning.

“Noise won’t delay that process!” Kyoshi shot back, trying to keep her smile at bay. She really had missed her friends.

Silence fell back over the infirmary, and Kyoshi allowed herself to lean against the headboard for the first time all night. She drew in a shaky breath, basking in the safety she felt around the Flying Opera Company - even if their legs were broken.

It was a few minutes before Rangi spoke again, lowering her voice to whisper in that raspy way of hers. “You’re pretty far away, you know.”

At first, Kyoshi wanted to protest that of course her energy was distant - she’d killed one of her closest friends and nearly lost the other one - before she realized Rangi was speaking literally. She closed her mouth. Hard.

A little too hard, actually. Her jaw still ached where Yun had thrown the discs.

Rangi even managed a little grin. “Do you think Atuat will kill you for sleeping with a patient?”

Giddy with the idea of lying beside Rangi again, Kyoshi slid out of bed and made her way over to the other side of the room. She’d flirted with the idea of climbing in before, but with Rangi’s fragile state, she hadn’t wanted to cause any more damage than she’d already done.

“You’re not gonna break me,” Rangi mumbled, but Kyoshi still saw her struggle to make space in the small frame.

“This is a bad -”

“Will you quit worrying and just crawl in, please?” Rangi did her best to pat the bed beside her, wincing horribly. “I’ve suffered worse.”

“Mmm, what a terrible fate,” Kyoshi grinned, finally allowing herself to gingerly lie down beside Rangi. “Sleeping next to Kyoshi. What an awful - hey!”

Rangi had elbowed her in the ribs. She tried to laugh, but it barely masked the tremor behind it.

“Stop hurting yourself,” Kyoshi hissed, laying an angry kiss on the Firebender’s cheek. “I mean it.”

In response, Rangi moved to curl up closer against Kyoshi’s chest, her eyes falling shut again. For a long while, they stayed just like that - Rangi in too much pain to move and Kyoshi too nervous about causing her any more. It felt awfully reminiscent of the first time they’d shared a bed, with Kyoshi awake all night inhaling the smell of Rangi’s hair against her lips.

Kyoshi had vowed to protect her then, and she still wanted to protect her now. She didn’t miss the way Rangi’s face screwed up as she slept, sleep inhibiting her ability to hide the discomfort. A couple of times, Atuat came to check on her. She clicked her teeth together at the sight of Kyoshi in the bed, but didn’t seem altogether surprised. The doctor didn’t force her away either, something for which Kyoshi was eternally grateful.

In the blue-grey hours of the morning, Kyoshi finally succumbed to the heaviness in her eyelids - letting them shut as her head fell back against the headboard - at last, too tired to worry about any new dangers coming for them that night.

-----

💖  that’s all for now :) i might post a little more soon! i’m very excited to get this up on ao3 in the near future!

💖 if you enjoy my writing and want to commission me, send me a message! my commissions are open! 

💖 keep an eye out for more commissioned pieces coming soon :) 

[spockandawe]

give me Steve/Loki thoughts :D

THE BOYS!!!!!!!!

Downsides: 

For some reason, they hardly get any canon time together??? I’m sure this is just some unintentional oversight, but it wounds me, personally.

And on a character-driven level, Loki doesn’t react great to people trying to nudge him to be a good boy, which isn’t exactly what Steve does, but he does have a way of... encouraging people around him to be their best selves, and that unfortunately hits Loki right in the well-if-you-want-to-see-me-as-your-enemy-I’ll-be-the-best-goddamn-enemy-ever baggage. Plus Steve has his own baggage with being ““enough””, and the people he cares about ““leaving”” him, and especially at the time when they meet, Loki doesn’t really give off the most... stable vibes.

Upsides:

The good news is that those are just logistical downsides, babey, and what we have here is fertile, fertile ground for slow-burn character development!!! 

I guess it does make it a lot harder to casually ship them, which makes it difficult for me on the creator front, because even when times were less stressful and plaguey, I’m not much of a longfic writer. But I am a longfic consumer, and oh my god, this ship! These personalities!!!!!!

So, okay. On the one hand, you have Loki, a brittle, angry, skittish man who is still processing the idea that he is, in a very literal way, a “monster,” and that his father lied to him, and that the deck was always stacked against him and he was never going to be good enough, and probably he was never actually loved to begin with. (the idea of being quote-unquote enough is an important thread for both of them that I’m worried I’ll get excited and forget, but it’s important to remember). He’s lost his home and family, he tried to kill himself, he went on a deep space mindbreak torture vacation, and showed back up to attempt to conquer earth, and just had a really unhappy times of things.

And on the other hand, you have Steve, who was so determined to serve in wwii and be part of something important that he volunteered to be a test dummy for a super-soldier manufacturing experiment. He’s spent a lot of time both accomplishing as much as he possibly could (even though wwii is too much for one person to handle, and it never feels like he does enough) and to live up to the image of the idol he was held up as (even though he’s intimately aware of all the ways he fails to live up to that ideal). And in the end, he lost his best friend, he lost his home, he sacrificed himself and lost everything and got dragged into a future where he can still see a few little traces of the home and friends he left behind, just enough to make the present jarringly alien. And the strongest trace of himself left in the world is the “Captain America” image, and all the conflicted feelings that came with that (the unhappy pressure of living up to a role you aren’t sure you want to keep playing is also another thread connecting these two).

Now, together... On a superficial level, these two have personalities and priorities that are very different, and it’s not difficult to see them both being very frustrated with the decisions the other one has made. It would be so easy for them to pass each other by and go on their own way without even wondering if they’d missed out on something important.

But if you can hold them next to each other for long enough, it’s just magic. A shippy thing that I just had to find the words for in the starjack ask was that you can end up in a shipping situation where it superficially seems like one character is a martyr who just gives and gives and gives, like Steve. And I don’t think Steve is super helpless or unwilling to stand up for himself. But give me a person in his corner, who is willing to be selfish for his sake. Steve might have his limits, but they are generous limits, and give me a Loki who will see people trying to impose and not be as patient as Steve. It doesn’t have to be an actual intervention, it doesn’t even need to change anything, just give me Loki draped across his back grumbling about how it’s stupid that these people are saying they neeeed Captain America when all they want is clearly a photo op.

And the emotional needs that this fulfills for Loki... this is my jam........ It’s not that he needs someone to love him unconditionally, because 1) there’s Thor, and 2) I don’t think Steve’s love is the full unconditional. But give him someone who’s not tied up directly in all of his old pain and baggage and emotions, and give him someone who’s willing to take a step back and try to understand his decisions. I don’t think Loki has made good decisions, and I don’t think Loki thinks he’s made good decisions. But I also don’t expect Loki to try to explain himself (I expect him to play up the villainy-for-the-sake-of-villainy thing tbh), and I do think it’s very likely that Steve will slow down and try his best to think through why Loki made the decisions he did.

This is a general character thing that comes up most often for me in shipping contexts, but I love characters who make terrible decisions for... insufficient reasons. I don’t need the story to justify why they were actually right after all, I don’t need them to put on a self-flagellating repentance act. But I always, always want to read about someone looking at those terrible decisions and subjecting that character to the good ol’ mortifying ordeal of being known.

And like Starscream, like Mu Qing, I think that ordeal is particularly mortifying and painful for Loki. I think it hurts, a lot, and that he would really prefer if people didn’t try to touch the open wound. And I also am trying real hard not to make Steve into a selfless perfect saint, because I don’t like doing that to any character, but especially get uncomfy doing it to him when he’s got the Captain America ideal thing going on. But he is very determinedly empathetic and kind. I expect him to probe at why Loki did his Loki things, but I expect him to do it as gently as someone could reasonably expect. 

Plus, very id-tastic, both of them have the sort of damage that I think would set off the other one’s protective instincts :PPPP I’m a woman of simple needs! And those needs are ‘no, I’m protecting you.’ I already went into some of that with Loki being a person who will advocate on Steve’s behalf. But also, once Loki stops being an immediate Threat (which i don’t think takes much, he’s a very, very worn out man, at almost any point in canon), I think Steve is able to avoid slipping into ‘right, let’s all of us just pretend none of that ever happened’ while also not being okay with people, like... taking out frustrations and old grudges on him. When Loki is ready to dive into despairfrustration and start playing the supervillain role that everyone expects from him, Steve is capable of expecting better from him, without also invalidating the emotions he’s feeling.

Oh lord, haha, this has gotten away from me. I need to cut myself off, probably. But no ragrets whatsoever. I like this ship so much, Lise! You did this to me!! XDDDD

[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed