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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

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By Your Doorstep (Part 4)

Summary: The reader and Dean celebrate Tessa’s birthday with a big surprise before making a drastic change to their relationship...

Pairing: Doctor/Neighbor!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 4,100ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentioned past sexual assault (not graphic)

A/N: Parts of this series are told from two different POV’s. Dean’s POV are written from limited third person. Reader’s POV are second person (like a typical reader insert). Enjoy!…

_________

Dean’s POV

Two Weeks Later

“Oh fuck yeah!” said Dean, jumping up and down in the driveway as he read over the letter in his hands.

“Dr. Dean that’s a bad word,” said Emily, the five year old three houses down. Dean slapped a hand over his face as she rode past on her bike, her father laughing to himself.

“Hope it’s good news, Dean,” said Chris.

“Very. Sorry about that,” said Dean, Chris waving him off as Dean jogged back inside. He read over the letter again and looked through the packet. “Alright. As long as you keep a B average or above you’re golden kiddo. You get straight A’s anyways so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Dean smiled and gathered up all of the documents, getting them together with Tessa’s birthday present. Y/N had tried to tell him that giving away his old iPhone was too much but all it did was sit in a drawer now when it worked perfectly fine. He was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be thinking about the phone at all once she found out about the grant.

He looked back at the bag on the table and frowned. Maybe she’d take it the wrong way, like he was trying to save her sister or their family or something like that. He could have given them the application and had them fill it out. They would have probably gotten it still. Dean knew his letter he’d included didn’t hurt but he didn’t want to be that guy. He was already a doctor, already helped Y/N with a job, already paid for dates and things. It was no issue for him at all and he knew she didn’t care about the money but he didn’t want to rub it in her face that he could help more than she could.

Dean grabbed his phone and called Cas, Sam stuck in some network client thing all night he’d told him. It rang a few times before it picked up, the echo in the background telling him he was on speaker.

“Deano!” said Benny. “Gonna make it over tonight after all?”

“Hey guys,” said Dean, sitting down on his couch. “You got the crew together?”

“Nah, just us and the girls. They’re still out shopping. What’s up?” asked Cas.

“You know Y/N?” asked Dean.

“The girl you’re clearly in love with? Yes we know her,” laughed Benny. Dean was quiet and heard them shift on the other end.

“Everything okay?” asked Cas.

“I think I fucked it up. I think I’m going too far too fast.”

“What do you mean?” asked Benny.

“Tessa, her little sister, she’s in high school and I applied for a grant on her behalf for her college and she got it,” said Dean.

“That’s a problem how?” asked Cas.

“I don’t want it to come off as me trying to save them or anything. I’m nervous she’s gonna get mad at me,” said Dean. His friends were quiet and knew a teasing comment wouldn’t come. “Guys.”

“Tell her you applied on a long shot and a grant is what helped you with school. You’re not saving the day, just sharing a benefit you got,” said Benny. “Shit I wish I’d had someone do that for me.”

“What’s going on Dean? You’re normally the last person to freak over shit,” said Cas. Dean sat back and stared up at the ceiling.

“Talk to us bud,” said Benny.

“I like this girl and it’s been years and years since I had a girlfriend. You guys know I’m not good for more than a fuck,” said Dean.

“Lisa was a super bitch and you know that’s not true,” said Benny.

“I am in my thirties and I’ve never had a real relationship. I don’t even know how. I’m gonna fuck this up so bad. I know it.”

“Contrary to how often I call you a dick, you are one of the best people I’ve ever met,” said Cas.

“I agree and you know all our friends and especially Sammy would say the same thing. Brother you gotta relax. This girl from what you’ve said and everybody else says, well we ain’t never seen you so happy so stop freaking, go get ready for your date tonight and put some faith in this girl that she’s not gonna hurt you back,” said Benny.

“I didn’t say-”

��Dean, we’ve known you forever. We know when you’re scared. I know most people in your life end up hurting you but take it from us, not everyone will. I got a good vibe from her,” said Cas.

“Me too,” said Dean quietly.

“You doing okay?” asked Benny. “In general you know.”

“Yeah. Most of the time I’m great now. The past few weeks have been awesome. I think maybe that’s why I keep freaking out over this girl. It’s like, fucking finally, I understand what a good relationship can be.”

“You been to Ketch lately?” asked Cas.

“No, not as a patient. I’m okay.”

“Well still go for a tag up every once in a while for us,” said Benny.

“I know. Never would have gone without you assholes getting on my back in the first place.”

“That’s what friends are for,” said Cas, Benny chuckling. “So where you guys going tonight?”

“Monico’s.”

“Fancy,” they both said and Dean rolled his eyes, smiling to himself.

“Goodbye assholes,” said Dean, hearing them laugh before he hung up. He sat up and took a deep breath. “Alright. Shower. Shave and fingers crossed tonight goes well.”

Reader’s POV

“Okay, presents before or after dinner?” you asked as you carried in a bag to Tessa’s room.

“Before, obviously,” she said.

“Alright, well I know you wanted something really badly this year,” you said. “Why don’t you open the green one first?”

“This feels like an iPhone box…” she said with a big smile. She tore off the paper and grinned. “Awesome! What one is it?”

“It’s a ten. It’s used but in really good condition. I got you a case and extra charger too,” you said. “We can swing to the store and activate it tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Y/N, really,” she said. She grabbed the card next and her eyes went wide when she saw the cash inside. “Y/N.”

“It’s your money you gave me. It’s yours. Buy whatever you want, okay?” you said. She nodded and unwrapped a few more small things, a book she’d been talking about, some make up you knew she’d use, a new pair of her nike running shorts that’d been on sale thankfully. You smirked when she picked up the last two presents in the bag. “Alright. I hope these are...suitable for you.”

She tore off the wrapping on one and started to laugh.

“It’s hot pink,” she giggled. “Why is it hot pink?”

“Cause vibrators come in a variety of colors,” you said with a laugh. “I will let you read through the charging instructions on your own and same for the other box. There is toy cleaner because yes you need to wash these things properly and I got some water based lube. Go with water based. It dries up faster but it works better to me. Oh and wash everything like five times before it goes anywhere near anything, okay?”

“Okay,” she laughed. “I can’t believe you actually bought me this stuff.”

“Can’t get pregnant off a toy,” you said.

“Definitely can’t do that,” said Dean, Tessa wide eyed as he popped his head into the doorway. She shoved the boxes back into the bag and he laughed. “I’m a doctor. Sex doesn’t bother me and I think your sister has a point.”

“Oh my God, I forgot he was here,” she said, running her hands over her face.

“I was wondering where you two ran off to,” he said. He stepped inside and pulled out a box from behind his back. “Happy birthday, Tessa.”

“Thanks,” she blushed. She undid the bow and paper, smiling as she opened the box. There was an envelope inside but she picked up the headphones and shook her head. “Dean I can’t accept this. It’s too much. I already know the iPhone must have been yours.”

“You are smarter than you look,” he said. “But I can’t accept your refusal of my present. I have new ones and those never get used and I’m bigger than you so you’re gonna lose this argument one way or the other.”

“I’d listen to him, Tessa. He gets his way when he wants it,” you said. She rolled her eyes but smiled.

“Thank you. People haven’t been nice to us the past couple years,” she said. You glanced down to the floor, Dean leaving his arm wrapped around your waist.

“People weren’t all that nice to me either for a long time,” he said with a nod. “Someday when you’re able, you help somebody else out, understand?”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.

“Open the envelope. This one’s a present to you both,” he said. You cocked your head as she tore it open, reading for a long time before she pulled out a paper and handed it to you.

“Dean,” you said, sitting down on her bed after you’d read it a few times. “Dean this…”

“It’s a grant. It’s very similar to a scholarship. I’m an alumni of Elmdale and the medical school there. Tessa you qualify and so I applied on your behalf a few weeks ago and you were accepted. The grant will cover half of four years of tuition,” he said.

“What does that mean?” asked Tessa.

“It means we will have to pay very little with financial aid,” you said. She was beaming and you shook your head. “You applied weeks ago?”

“After I met you two. This house seemed familiar to me for some reason until I remembered. Y/N I told you someone helped me when I was eighteen?”

“Yeah?”

“I think his picture is hanging in the hall,” he said.

“Our dad?” asked Tessa.

“He got me a job and helped me pay for part of my school. I came here once when I needed his help. Your father was a very good man and it’s clear his daughters are the same. Neither one of you deserves to go through all the pain I did. I don’t want you to. It was no trouble at all to do, I swear.”

“Tessa, I work at Dean’s office as a lab tech,” you said. She turned her head and you saw Dean nod. “I lost my job before. We were scraping by. Barely. We’re okay now but without this grant...it would have wiped out our inheritance. That was for weddings and down payments for houses. We can keep it now...we can keep the house now.”

“You hate this house though,” she said. “I hate this house.”

“Tessa-”

“We can downsize,” she said. “Y/N, every night you stare down at their bedroom door. It’s like we live with ghosts or something. It doesn’t have to be so tight. Do we really need a five bedroom house?”

“It’s not as tight anymore. We’ll talk about it. Let’s go celebrate all the good news,” you said. “I’ve been dying for a Monico’s steak.”

“She seemed pretty happy tonight,” said Dean as you sat on the front porch a few hours later. You hummed and rocked in your seat beside him, resting your head on his shoulder. “Did I overstep?”

“No. You were the boy in the mailroom, weren’t you. Dad used to talk about you sometimes. Mostly when I didn’t want to do something. He told me some people my age have it so much harder.”

“True. But you can’t compare one person’s struggles to another’s. It’s not fair to either one.”

“Would you sell this house if you were me?” you asked.

“I like that you live close by. I’d miss that. But it’s a lotta house for the two of you and it sounds like a change might be a good thing. You could downsize to somewhere else in the neighborhood and probably bank a good chunk of money for later on.”

“We could.” Dean was quiet, gears turning in his head. “What are you thinking of?”

“My house is a five bedroom too.”

“Yours is also newer,” you said. “And bigger.”

“Tell me if I’m crossing a line but...you guys...could stay there if you decided to sell this place. Temporarily. Or not temporarily,” he said. You stared up at him and he looked away. “Like I said, I’m sorry, I know it’s...I should go.”

“Hey. I’m not afraid of you.” His head turned back towards you and he swallowed thickly. “Tell me another secret and I’ll you one.”

“I think I I’m falling in love with you and I’m afraid I’m going too fast and that you think I’m creepy or weird deep down and I’m up to something when all I really see is me and my brother in you and your sisters places and I know how much it sucks and how much it hurts and I know you protect her from stuff she doesn’t even know about. I’m sorry for saying that about the house just now. I’d still like to see you though if that’s okay.”

“I think this is fast too but I also think that part of me fell for you the day you carried her home. You don’t want anything from us. Just to help and it’s not because you pity us or anything like that. If I’ve learned anything yet in life it’s that you don’t know when it’s gonna stop and there’s no use in wasting time.”

“What are you saying?”

“You willing to put up with a teenager, a service dog and someone who has not had a moment to themselves in two years?”

“As long as you don’t snore,” he smiled. You laughed and kissed his cheek. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t like this house anymore. If she doesn’t want it, I don’t want it. Maybe we can do some test runs, stay over for a weekend or two, see if we want to make it a not temporary thing.”

“That sounds great,” he smiled. “We’ll figure it out, sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“I’m home,” you said on the way back from the store. You’d been staying at Dean’s for two weeks now after a nice couple closed on your old house. So far it’d been great and you were perfectly happy to stay there with him and Tessa for the foreseeable future. “I picked up some-”

“He is not my dad. I am eighteen,” said Tessa as she stormed over to the foyer. You glanced back to where Dean was over in the kitchen and sighed. “I want to go to Paulie’s tonight.”

“Who is Paulie?” you asked as you kicked off your boots.

“A friend,” she said.

“You’ve literally never mentioned him before,” you said, carrying some groceries through the family room and to the kitchen.

“That’s what I said,” said Dean as he peeled a potato at the island.

“I thought I said you’re not my dad so you can shut the fuck up.”

“Hey!” you shouted, Tessa freezing up. “Apologize to Dean.”

“He-”

“We are stable for the first time ever because of him. I trust Dean to make decisions for you when I’m not home. If he said no, then the answer is no. Go to your room,” you said. She grumbled and pounded her feet upstairs. You washed up and gripped the countertop. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe she said that to you.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be the bad guy,” he said as he picked up another potato. “Paulie what’s his face doesn’t sound like he wants anything other than in her pants so she can swear all she likes at me.”

“What’d she say exactly?”

“She wants to go over to Paulie’s tonight to hang out with some friends but I overheard her and Hailey talking earlier this week about a party and I don’t need a medical degree to put it together.”

“If she sneaks out I’ll kill her,” you said. You glanced down to Toast’s dog bowl and paused. “Dean what would happen if she drank on her medication.”

“She can’t drink alcohol on that stuff,” he said.

“What would happen if she did.”

“She could have a seizure,” he said.

“Tessa!” you shouted. You jogged upstairs and found her bedroom empty. “Tessa!”

The house was quiet and you put your hands on your head.

“Toast!” you shouted, the dog trotting out from Dean’s bedroom. You immediately ran inside, Dean already upstairs and you saw her sitting out on the balcony in a chair, her face in her knees.

“Can I…” said Dean and you nodded. You followed him outside, Dean walking over and squatting by her seat. “Tessa, what are you doing out here?”

“I wish I was normal, didn’t have a fucked up head.”

“I got one too,” he said.

“Do you have to take medicine for seizures? No?” she said.

“No but my dad used to beat me up,” he said. She turned and he nodded. “He would try to beat up my little brother too sometimes but I would take the hits when I could. Tessa, you can’t drink when you’re on your medicine. You just can’t.”

“I know that,” she said.

“You can’t sneak out and leave Toast behind either. It’s not safe.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Y/N and I get scared too is all.”

“You just pretend to like me cause you fuck my sister.”

“For the record, I don’t fuck your sister. Relationships are complicated. You might not realize this but I care about you for you. If I didn’t I would not want you in my house, in our house, and I wouldn’t get scared about you going to parties with guys that just want to use you for sex. I give a shit about you Tessa whether you believe me or not.”

“You don’t care,” she scoffed. “You feel sorry for us. Nobody on earth would ask two strangers to move in unless you-”

“Tessa you can think whatever you want about me. I’m not your father and I’ll never try to be him. But I sure as shit know how to be an older brother. So be pissed off and be rude and whatever else you want to. I’ve done this before with my own brother. You don’t scare me. The only thing that does is you getting taken advantage of or you getting hurt and Toast isn’t there to help. Someday you’ll get it through that thick skull of yours what the truth is but until then, I’ll be the asshole who doesn’t let you go to parties you’ll get hurt at.”

“You pity us.”

“I’m jealous of you.” She stared at him and you swallowed in the doorway. “Your parents loved you. Mine didn’t. You want to talk about being fucked up? I’m here anytime.”

She nodded and he sat up on the bench with her. You went inside and finished preparing the potatoes, mashing them up and saving them for later. It was nearly ten by the time you heard the stairs creak and Dean walked down them.

“Y/N,” said Tessa. You got up from the couch and walked to the bottom of the stairs, Tessa glancing down. “I’m sorry for how I’ve acted today and treated Dean lately. I was…”

“It’s okay,” he said quietly as he rubbed her back.

“I was scared when we moved in here a few weeks ago. I don’t want to lose you too and Dean takes up time that it used to be just us and I know the accident wasn’t my fault but I feel guilty still sometimes and I know your life is different because of it too and I want you guys to be happy, I do. I just get scared you’ll forget about me. I don’t wanna be alone. I’m not ready.”

“You don’t ever have to be alone, Tessa,” you said. She nodded and looked up at Dean.

“I know. I was silly. But I’m better now,” she said.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you said.

“I know,” she said.

“Why don’t you head to bed, Tess. Tomorrow I can come to your session with you like we talked about,” said Dean. She nodded and walked upstairs, Toast trotting into her room. You walked upstairs and into your bedroom with Dean, shutting the door after yourselves. “I should have...change is difficult on kids with PTSD. I should have realized that’s why she’s been so snippy. I thought it was just hormones.”

“Probably both,” you said, climbing onto the bed. He lay down next to you, staring up at the ceiling. “You care for her.”

“You two are a package deal, sweetheart,” he said with a light chuckle. “Can’t love one without loving the other.”

“Like you and Sam,” you smiled. “I can’t wait to meet him in person.”

“Me too.”

“Is Tessa okay? You guys talked a really long time.”

“She was afraid I would replace her, push her out. Granted I do like spending alone time with you and everything but she needs you and I’m not here to take you away from her. I think she understands that now.”

“Dean why haven’t we had sex?” you asked. He sat up and you shrugged. “We’ve dated nearly three months and you don’t even try to cop a feel. For how fast certain things are between us, that one feels a little slow. I just want to understand. I don’t...I’m not saying it’s a problem I just want to know.”

“You asked me on our first date, or you made a comment, that I don’t seem like the shy around women type.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t use to be. A smidge, especially if they were the one that seemed to be controlling the situation but it was always good. I had some girlfriends, had some hookups. More than my fair share of hookups. The girlfriends…”

“The bitch one?” you said, getting a chuckle out of him.

“I stopped thinking I was relationship material for a while. So I did hookups for a long time and that was good. Until about two years ago. I haven’t had sex since.”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“No. I just...I asked her to stop and she didn’t.”

“Dean she hurt you.”

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?” he said. He put his back to you and you took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I know we sleep in the same bed and…”

“And I don’t need to have sex with you. Would I like it? Sure. But my sister and I aren’t the only ones in this house that need to be taken care of. You’ve done a really good job of that lately and I’d like to start pulling my weight in that department. When you’re ready for sex, you tell me, otherwise, I will just cuddle you real hard until then, okay?”

“Alright,” he said quietly. He reached behind himself and wrapped your arms around him. You kissed the back of his neck, Dean taking slow breaths. “I don’t really know how to let someone take care of me though.”

“We’ll take it slow,” you said. “Like maybe with you being little spoon tonight.”

“Alright. I can try, sweetheart.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 5 here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #doctor!dean #au!dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #dean #winchester #dean spn

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yoonnamjin25 · 3 years

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Sometimes I feel bad for hellers. Their proofs and reasons for believing that Dean was in love with Cass are so trivial (I don't care if they like the ship, my problem comes when they insist on doing their headcanons canon when it's clearly not like that).

Dean is a loyal man, he cares a lot about his friends and always wants to protect them. All of them. But they say he was in love with Cass because he spent a year looking for him when they were in purgatory, as if he had not done the same if, instead of Cass, the person who was with him had been Charlie, Garth, Bobby, Jody, Donna, the girls or even Eileen (I'm not even gonna name Sam here because we all know he wouldn't have even left Sam there if he thought he was dead. No, he would have stayed there and mourned him until another monster killed him).

Dean is not the type of man who leaves others behind, especially if these others are important to him. To say he was in love because of this is honestly weak and wrong because they are literally blinding themselves into thinking that this behavior was due to his "romantic love" for Cass and not because it is something already inherent in his persona. Like, do they honestly know the man at all???

And there's this other thing about Benny too: he was not Dean's "boyfriend". They were friends, brothers in combat. They saved each other's lives probably countless of times when they were in purgatory so they shared a special bond. That's why they were so close and important for each other. But this closeness they had has nothing to do with romance.

Why does everyone has to have romantic feelings towards people they care about? Real love between friends of any gender exist. Aro people exist and it doesn't mean they don't love other people. They do. They just don't have romantic feelings for them. And that's normal. That kind of love exist. And that was the kind of love Dean and Benny shared. That was the kind of love Dean felt for Cass.

And don't get me wrong, I loved Benny and I would've absolutely loved if Dean and him had a thing, but this was not the case because of a bunch of reasons, the two of the most important being that:

1) Dean was straight and he never showed any attraction for any other men in the whole 15 years that the show lasted and, oh surprise, Benny was a male vamp.

2) Because Benny was already in love with someone else and was too into her that he couldn't have even think of someone else. Not in a romantic way.

So if in the script they put "Dean and Benny break up" is not because they were in a romantic relationship. Is just because they had a relationship. A friendship. And Dean decided to part ways with him. To put an end to their friendship. So it was a break up. And Dean felt really bad for it because he lost his friend, his brother, his buddy, the person who saved him, protected him and stayed with him in that hell of a place when he was all alone and lost. And he had every right to feel bad for it. But this doesn't mean that he had the hots for him or that he was heartbroken because he just "broke up with his boyfriend".

Seriously, they should stop trying to find representation in characters that were never meant to represent us. If they want rep, great, me too, but there are a lot of other shows for that already.

If Dean was their comfort character, perfect! He also was mine too! But not because we find comfort in him, means that he has to be exactly as we want or wish he was, it means that we accept and love him for who he was, warts and all.

And sorry, but Dean was never part of the LGBTQ+ community, although he always supported it and never judged it. He was a man who didn't give a f*ck of what others could say or think about him, so if he wanted to date a man, he would've. In a heartbeat.

Jensen has already played a part of a bisexual man and he had no problem with that, so if they would've told him that Dean was bi, he would've accepted it. In a heartbeat.

If the writers were homophobic/queerphobic and didn't want to make Dean bi in canon, Jensen would've talked about it. He knows Dean better than anyone else in the world except, maybe, Kripke. So if he knew Dean was really bi but was being "silenced" by the writers, he would've never said in multiple ocassions that Dean was not bi and that he wasn't in love with Cass and that he never had the hots for any men.

He would've encourage us instead into thinking that they were right, that Dean was bi but it couldn't have been confirmed because of the homophobic writers. But that was not the case.

There's no conspiracies, there's no secrets, there's no hints nor double meanings. There's just text and what canon gave us. If they don't like it, then the show was never for them. Period. And if they want rep, they can go watch Sense8 (just for giving an example).

PS: and now I'm gonna leave these gifs of Poncho Herrera, who plays the part of Hernando de la Fuente in Sense8, because he's a hot and super talented mexican actor and he deserves all the recognition in this world.

#supernatural #dean winchester #benny lafitte #castiel #dean is straight #jensen ackles #sense8 #hernando #poncho herrera #season 8 #eric kripke

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wayward-dreamer · 4 years

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Life’s Lessons - Part 7

Title: Life’s Lessons - A Lesson in Denying Feelings

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean x Female!Teacher!Reader (eventual)

Other Pairings: Dean x Lisa, Female!Reader x OMC – Ethan (past, mentioned), Female!Reader x OMC – Mark

Word Count: 7,423 (texts, thoughts, song lyrics in italics).

Part Summary: Dean learns the truth about what Lisa’s hiding, and makes a decision. Later, Y/N goes on a date with Mark, knowing she needs to move on. However, after a failed attempt to move things to the next level with Mark, she begins to question whether she should be denying her feelings for Dean.

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Insecurities, Denying Feelings, Jealous Dean, Pre-smut (nothing too graphic yet, pretty much ends before it starts)

Music: Never Going Back Again by Fleetwood Mac (doesn’t feature but listen to it after Dean and Lisa scene, Dean on the couch scene), In These Arms by Bon Jovi (Dean bar scene), Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner (Y/N and Mark end scene).

Life’s Lessons Spotify Playlist

A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful comments, and for getting me to 300 followers! It means so much to me! All your love for this series has absolutely made my heart so happy, and I can’t wait for you guys to see what happens as we move forward! Happy reading and enjoy! :)

Dividers by the wonderful @firefly-graphics! Check her out for all your AU needs!!!

Life’s Lessons Masterlist

Dean stared at Lisa, his eyes glaring as his jaw clenched. He was waiting for her to say something about what he could clearly see on her phone. He had really hoped that making the effort was going to pay off, and that they could finally be happy again. He thought about how he had doubted her in the past, over a year ago, when she had gone back to Indiana for a couple of weeks. She came back completely disinterested in him and their relationship.

They had fought a lot about whether she had slept with someone else. She had denied it and he had chosen to believe her, even if he did have his doubts about it. Since then, is when things turned for the worst. He thought he had judged her too quickly. Maybe nothing had actually happened.

Turns out, he had been right all along.

Lisa shook her head, not being able to say anything. Dean could tell from her expression that she was trying to find a way to say something.

“I don’t know what to say-” she started but he cut her off.

“Don’t” he hissed, as he leaned in so no one would hear their conversation. “I’m only gonna ask this one more time, and you better give me a straight answer.”

When she didn’t say anything, he continued.

“Did you sleep with someone else?” he asked, bluntly. He had asked that very question a year before, when she got back from Indiana. He never got a proper answer from her.

Lisa was quiet as she sat across from him. She looked up at him, and he saw sadness in her eyes for the first time in a long time.

“Yes” she whispered.

He nodded as he stared at her. He huffed a laugh and it bubbled into a bitter tone. “Who’s the guy?”

She took another few moments to say anything. “His name’s Matt. He’s a doctor.”

“Oh, Doctor Matt. How respectable” he snapped.

She looked guilty as she dropped her head, avoiding his gaze. “I’m sorry you found out like this” she said, quietly, but Dean heard her.

“Why did you keep this going for another year? Why didn’t you just answer me when I asked? This could’ve all been over then, and we could’ve forgotten about each other” Dean asked, shaking his head.

“Because… Ben really looks up to you, and I wanted a father figure for him” she replied, as she looked up at him, her eyes glistening.

Dean shook his head, confused. “But what? Suddenly I’m not good enough? You want some doctor for him to look up to instead now?”

“Matt and I fell for each other years ago, but it didn’t go far, and then I was there last year… we started things up again, and when he was here in July-” she rambled, trying to explain but Dean cut her off when something occurred to him.

“He was here?” he asked, as he stared at her.

She only nodded.

“That’s why we stopped having sex.” He didn’t need to ask because it was obvious why.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

“So… when should we tell Ben?” she asked, quietly.

“I’m gonna leave that to you” he replied, shaking his head. “But when you decide to leave… you’re gonna let me say goodbye to him. You owe me that much.”

He looked at her as he waited for a reply. She nodded as she continued to stare at him.

“Dean-” she started but he cut her off.

“Save it” he growled; his jaw clenched. “It’s done.”

She nodded and didn’t say anything else, as Ben returned to the table unaware of what had just occurred.

As they went about like nothing had just happened, Dean couldn’t help but think that maybe he didn’t deserve to be angry. After all, he had kissed Y/N and it had made him feel awful for doing that to Lisa, despite the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about his beautiful neighbor. So, did he have the right to be angry with Lisa when he had done that? He came to the conclusion pretty quickly. Yes, he did have the right. Lisa had lied to him for a year, she had slept around with that guy behind his back and didn’t seem to regret it at all. Her sadness came more from the fact that Dean had found out. It wasn’t “I’m sorry I did this to you” it was “I’m sorry you found out like this”.

So, yes. He did deserve to be angry and to be the one to end the relationship.

When they got back home, Lisa went into Ben’s room to break the news. Dean wasn’t sure what she told him, about whether or not she said she had met someone else or not. Quite frankly, he didn’t care. He kicked back on the couch with a beer, some re-runs of M.A.S.H. on the TV keeping him entertained. He heard some yelling from Ben and then a door slam, and then another one close a bit more gently. Dean would eventually go in and see how Ben was taking the news but for now… he was taking a moment for himself.

For the first time in a long, long time, he felt lighter. He felt better, and in a weird way, as much as it hurt to hear that Lisa had cheated on him, he was relieved. He finally got the answer to his question, and now… he could finally move on. He could concentrate on his business, be available to his family more, and just be himself without worrying what Lisa would say. All the constant fighting or ignoring each other and pretending to be civil was over. He had been down the road with her several times in the last couple of years, the road of things being fine and then not fine, but he was never going back to that again.

He was looking forward to living his life the way he wanted again.

Over the next week, Y/N and Mark texted back and forth. There were messages about their days, what they had for lunch or dinner, silly jokes and flirty comments. Y/N liked him enough, but she hoped that he did ask her out so that she could get to know him more.

Mark: I can’t beat around the bush anymore. I really want to take you out. Saturday night, 7pm?

Y/N had agreed instantly and tried to protest when he said he would drive to Lawrence and have their date there, but he insisted. She wanted to avoid anyone seeing them, or even possibly running into Dean, but she supposed she couldn’t ignore that fact. She just hoped she could avoid him, though.

The restaurant buzzed with sounds of chatter from patrons and the soft jazz music playing through the speakers. Mark sat across from her, dressed in black jeans and deep green v-neck sweater, while she had adorned a silk navy blue strappy top, with black jeans and her long fawn coat, that was hanging off the back of her chair.

“This place is great” he said, as he looked around the room.

“Yeah, the food’s really good and the drinks are even better” she said, as took a forkful of her meal. It was the same place she had come to with Charlie for drinks. She loved the vibe there.

“So… what’s 8th grade teaching like?” he asked her.

She laughed a little, putting her fork down. “Challenging. It’s an interesting age for kids, they don’t really want to be told what to do but they know they have to. It’s rewarding though, especially when their faces light up because they’ve done well on a test or homework.”

“I suppose it helps they have a teacher as passionate as you” he complemented her.

It was nice of him to say that but somehow when Dean had some similar words to her, it was easier to believe him.

“Thanks” she said, accepting the complement with a smile. She needed to give him a chance.

“I gotta ask though. You said you’re from upstate New York. Why such a big move to Lawrence, Kansas? Of all places” he inquired with a laugh.

She smiled slightly, her muscles not committing to a genuine one. It was touchy subject, something that she couldn’t tell him just yet. She had told Dean, which she never expected to do so soon into their friendship, but she had trusted him. He made her feel safe to tell him, even in such a short time. It wasn’t going to be the same with Mark.

“I just needed a change, a new experience” she replied, not even remotely divulging the real reason.

“Fair enough” he nodded, taking a sip of his wine.

“What about you?” she asked, changing the subject. “What’s a day in advertising like?”

“Stressful” he huffed. “Not nearly as rewarding as teaching, but there are days when things go well, and you can relax for a small fraction of time. Then it’s just back to the grind, not a whole lot of time to appreciate your achievements.”

“But you love it, right?” she said, shrugging.

“Yeah” he said, simply as he went back to eating.

The rest of their conversation was light-hearted and fun, and Y/N was surprised at how much of a great time she was having with Mark. She thought that wouldn’t happen so soon, but she was glad that it had.

Dean got out of the shower, quickly drying off before getting dressed into jeans and a thicker white Henley, now that the weather was starting to turn. He was going to the bar tonight, with Cas and Benny joining him. It been a week since he and Lisa broke up. The day after it happened, Lisa took Ben and herself and some of their necessities to a hotel. During the week, she had been over a few times to pack up her things. It seemed like it would take a little while longer for her to completely clear her things out, but at least she was doing it while Dean was at work and he wouldn’t have to see her.

Dean drove to the bar, his thumbs drumming against the steering wheel as he listened to his music, loudly. When he arrived at the bar, he ordered a neat double of his favorite whiskey. As he sipped his drink, he frowned as he heard the words to the song that were playing.

You want commitment, and take a look into these eyes.

They burn with fire, yeah, until the end of time.

And I would do anything, I’d beg, I’d steal

I’d die to have you in these arms tonight.

He shook his head as the words hit home to what he was feeling. He may have rocked on occasion, but Dean hated Bon Jovi with a passion in that moment. He was trying not to think about Y/N. Nights out with Lisa had helped, but then something or other would remind him of her and he’d start thinking about her again. Now that things were over with Lisa, however, Y/N had been a constant thought in his mind this past week.

As he was hunched over on the table, he felt a pat on his back. He looked up to see Benny sit down in front of him, Cas not too far behind as he took the chair next to Benny.

“Good to see ya, brother” Benny commented, a big grin on his face.

“You get laid before getting here?” Dean asked, taking in his friend’s expression.

Benny chuckled, as the bartender came over and put a glass of whiskey down in front of him and Cas. “I don’t kiss and tell, Dean.”

Dean shook his head, rolling his eyes with a small smirk. He lifted up his glass as they all clinked theirs together.

“You seem… not grumpy” Cas commented, as he took in the lack of a scowl on Dean’s face.

Dean shrugged. “Things are… I don’t know, better”

“Really?” Cas asked, confused.

“Yeah” Dean nodded, simply. He hadn’t told his friends yet as he wanted to wait to get them to a bar to break the news. “I broke up with Lisa.”

Both Cas and Benny were in shock, their eyes widened. Cas sat forward as he squinted. “Seriously?”

Dean nodded, sipping his whiskey.

“Well… I never thought I’d see the day that happened” Benny said, shaking his head, with a smile on her face.

“Hilarious” Dean said, rolling his eyes.

“And you’re really… okay?” Cas asked, concerned.

“Yeah, man. I really am. I probably should feel worse, and I do, considering Ben was pretty upset. When it comes to Lisa, though… yeah. I’m good” Dean replied, truthfully.

“What happened?” Benny asked, curiously.

“Turns out, I was right. She cheated on me with some guy she used to know, when she went back to Indiana last year” Dean replied, staring down at the table.

“Damn” Benny whispered, shaking his head.

“Yeah” Dean agreed, sipping his drink. “Her phone was in front of me and I saw his messages. So… I ended it.”

“Good for you, brother” Benny said, clinking his glass with Dean’s.

Cas did the same with his glass against Dean’s.

“So, what now?” Cas asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“I don’t know” Dean shrugged, as one side of his mouth lifted up into a half smirk. “Something different, I guess.”

“What was that?” Benny asked, eying him suspiciously.

“Nothing” Dean replied, his eyebrows furrowed.

Cas leaned back in his chair, silently questioning Dean. “Does this have something to do with Y/N?” Cas asked, something occurring to him suddenly.

“No” Dean said, too quickly.

“Oh, it so does” Benny laughed slightly.

Dean looked between his friends, not knowing whether he should say anything or not. He hung his head, giving up the pretence.

“Yeah, it does” he said, his voice low but they heard him anyway.

“I should’ve known something was up when you were both making eyes at each other at the garage” Benny said, smiling wide.

“Nothing’s up, okay? Nothing happened” Dean lied yet again.

“That didn’t sound true, did it?” Cas asked Benny, knowing their friend well.

“Nope” Benny replied, popping the ‘p’.

They looked at him and he couldn’t deal with their knowing stares.

“Fine” Dean sighed, exasperated. “We kissed.”

“Dean” Cas groaned.

Benny let out a long whistle. “Damn, brother.”

“Yeah, I know, I know what you’re gonna say. It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done it, I know I shouldn’t have. Okay?” Dean grumbled. “It’s just… I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Do you like her?” Cas asked, genuinely wanting to know. He knew what his friend was like before he met Lisa, and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t reverting back to his old ways.

“Fuck, this is like high school” Dean mumbled, sipping his drink. “Yeah, I do. I like her. I mean, it’s more than that… I’m really falling for her.”

“And you haven’t told Lisa?” Cas asked, sitting forward in his chair.

Dean rolled his eyes and glared at him. “Well, I don’t think I have to now considering we’re not together and she actually cheated on me. This was just a moment of weakness.”

Cas nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“Hey.” Dean leaned forward in his chair as he looked at both of them. “It was a mistake, the way it happened. I know that. Y/N said that she wouldn’t let it go any further as long as Lisa and I were together, and I agreed with her.”

“No wonder you two haven’t spoken in weeks” Cas muttered.

“Yeah” Dean scoffed, nodding. “It’s just… now that Lisa and I are over, I don’t know, but – maybe now I got a shot with Y/N.”

“Maybe” Benny said, a small smile on his face.

Dean looked at Cas and thought about whether or not he should ask about Y/N, but he needed to know.

“How… how is she?” he tried to ask as casually as possible.

“She looked pretty sad for a while. I guess we know a little about why now. She’s been better in the last week, though. She’s uh…” Cas replied, but he didn’t know how to broach the next subject.

“She’s what?” Dean was concerned as he asked the question.

“Y/N’s on a date. Some guy she met in the city when she went out with Meg and Charlie last weekend. It’s their first date tonight” Cas told him.

Dean’s jaw clenched as he looked down at the table. “Who’s the guy?” He looked up at Cas, his expression hard and distant.

“Mark something, I don’t know who he is. She seemed excited about tonight though” Cas replied, trying to gage some kind of reaction from Dean.

Dean huffed as he looked down at the table. She was on a date with some guy. Mark. She was moving on from him, and while Dean wanted to find the guy and tell him that he couldn’t have her, he knew she was right in moving on. She wasn’t anything to him for him to get protective of her. Maybe Mark was a nice guy and after what she had been through, she deserved a nice guy.

“Well…” he sighed, throwing his head back as he finished his drink. “Good for her.”

Benny knew that look on his friend’s face. “You alright there, brother?”

“Oh yeah” Dean replied, twirling his glass around in his hand.

“Dean-” Cas started but Dean cut him off with a glare.

“I’m gonna head back” he muttered, standing up from the table. He dropped a few bills on the table, before picking up his jacket.

“Thanks for tonight, fellas.” Dean walked away, without looking at his friends.

When he got back home, he poured himself another whiskey and sat down on the couch. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He kept thinking about how life would’ve been if Y/N hadn’t moved across the street. He may never have realized that he and Lisa were in a meaningless relationship, and probably would’ve kept going the way they had been for many more years.

Y/N encouraged him to go ahead with his plans for expanding the garage, a move he was scared to make, but he couldn’t wait to get started on that. She talked to him about all his likes and dislikes, listened when he talked about his family, and told him that maybe he and his dad still have to work out some things from the past. She trusted him enough to tell him about her previous relationship and what her asshole of an ex did to her. She cared about him and he cared about her. Hell, he was really starting to fall for her, but he had to respect what she wanted. Yes, it was a first date with this guy, and she might not want things to go further, but she deserved to give things a chance without him being a factor. She deserved to be happy.

Dean frowned and lifted his head, as he heard a car from outside, the breaks squeaking softly as it pulled up to the curb. He stood up and slowly walked to the window, his heart sinking when he saw Y/N get out of the car. She was coming back to her house with her date.

Mark drove her home, chatting and changing songs in the car to suit their mutual tastes, which she quickly learnt were quite similar. He wasn’t much for classic rock, but more for the folksy stuff of now. They kept the small talk going as he pulled up outside her house. She quickly got out of the car and walked to her front door as he walked beside her. She turned to him and smiled as they stood outside her door.

“I had a really great time” she smiled. There was definitely promise of more and of better, and she was going to give him the chance.

“Me too” he smiled in return.

He slowly and tentatively leaned in, kissing her cheek, softly. She smiled wider at the sweet gesture.

“Goodnight, Y/N” he whispered as he moved back.

“Goodnight” she said, watching him leave.

As she watched him drive off, she sighed. There was something there, and while she didn’t know what it was, she knew she had to take a leap and find out.

She really needed to call her sister and talk about this with her soon.

Dean watched as the guy leaned in and kissed Y/N’s cheek, very relieved that he hadn’t kissed her on the lips. She looked happy, and that’s what mattered. It was what he wanted for her. Even if he wasn’t the one to do that for her.

2 weeks later…

Dean had come to a conclusion about Mark. He hated the guy.

It had been two weeks since Y/N and Mark’s first date, and in that time, he had seen them together around town quite a few times. They would be talking and laughing, kissing and being happy and honestly, it made him sick. To someone else, it may have looked like he was jealous, and maybe he was a little, but he was mostly concerned for her and hoped that she had made the right decision. It was irrational to hate him based on all of this, considering he had never met the guy, but he couldn’t help how he felt.

The alarm blared obnoxiously, even though Dean had been awake for a few minutes already. He tapped it hard and turned it off, his hand combing through his hair. He got up and dragged himself into bathroom, quickly brushing his teeth and freshening up. He had opted to have a shower when he came back from doing some manual labor.

He got dressed in his worn jeans, dark brown Henley and a brown and white plaid shirt over the top, his black jacket over that and walked through the house. He picked up his wallet and keys and then left, firing up his Baby and driving away from the house, as his music blared. He made a quick stop to pick up three coffees from the coffee shop, and then drove for about 15 minutes, before reaching another street. He drove down, past all the pristine houses, until he came to the one he was looking for.

He looked up at the house as he got out of the car. It had seen better days and he had bought it for a steal a few months ago. With the help of Cas and Benny, he was going to fix it up and make it a home. They would do what they could until builders came in at a later stage and did all the more complicated things like wiring and plumbing.

As he walked into the house, his mind started thinking in overdrive. Throughout his time as a bachelor, he was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy, opting for one-night stands rather than proper relationships. It was fun and easy, but over time he had gotten over that. Cassie was his first serious girlfriend when he was 24, and they dated for 6 weeks. He had cared about her, but they weren’t meant to be. He dated girls and continued his one-night flings for a few years, before he met Lisa. She didn’t end up being just a one-night thing, and he really thought that they would be great for each other.

While being every woman’s “Mr. Right Now”, Dean had always longed for something more, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone. He barely admitted it to himself. That being said, he used to have a recurring dream. A beautiful woman in a beautiful house, welcoming him with a passionate kiss as he came home from work. They had three children, 2 boys and a girl. He couldn’t see their faces, as it was a fantasy in his mind that would never come true. When he met Lisa, the woman had morphed into her. However, as they started to have their problems, the woman became faceless again.

Standing there in the house at that moment, images of the dream started to flash before him. The woman had a face again. This time… it was Y/N. He suddenly began to imagine her in this house with him and Dean’s heart began to beat rapidly at the thought. She belonged here. He wanted her here with him. He wanted a life with her. He couldn’t want that. He tried hard to turn the image of Y/N back into a faceless woman, but nothing happened.

He was 34 years old and his little brother had gotten married before him, and would no doubt tell him that they were having kids soon. He loved his brother and sister-in-law, but every time he looked at them it was a reminder of the fact that he may never have that. He never thought he wanted those things, but this recurring dream always told him otherwise.

A slap on his back startled him out of his daydream. Benny walked around him with Cas right behind him.

“You okay, chief?” he asked, picking up the coffee with his name on it.

Dean nodded, blinking a few times. “Yeah. Fine.”

“You sure?” Cas said, concerned when seeing his friend looking slightly out of it.

“Uh… yeah. I, um… just have a few things on my mind” Dean said, looking around the house.

“Well” Benny started, lifting up a sledgehammer. “Nothing like breaking some shit to clear your mind.”

Dean huffed a laugh and took the tool from him, walking over to the nearest wall and getting to work.

Y/N pushed her sunglasses up and pulled her brown checkered coat a little tighter around herself. Despite the sun, there was a chill in the air as brown leaves brushed over the pavement. She sat outside a café, waiting on Charlie and Meg to get there for brunch. It was Sunday and Meg always had them off, so they were taking the opportunity to see each other. Her foot tapped along to the song that came from the café, the leaves making a crunching noise as they caught under her shoe. She smiled when she saw them walking up the sidewalk, both bundled up as well. The fall was in full force and it wasn’t Y/N’s favorite in terms of weather, but she had to admit, it was incredibly beautiful as she admired the leaves changing color.

She sat up a little and kissed them both on their cheeks, as they sat down across from her. She smiled as she watched them settle in.

“I’m starving!” Meg groaned, as she looked at the menu.

“Hello to you, too” Y/N laughed at her dramatics.

“We better order quick before the demon comes out” Charlie joked, earning a side eyed glare from Meg.

Y/N laughed as she called the waitress over and they all ordered, after Charlie and Meg quickly decided what they wanted.

“So, how are things going with Mark?” Meg asked, getting straight to the point.

Y/N shrugged, knowing there wasn’t much to tell. “It’s been a good two weeks. I’m having fun with him. He’s a great guy. We’re seeing each other again tonight, for a movie.”

“That’s so great, Y/N” Charlie beamed. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

Y/N smiled, nodding. “I am.”

Mark made her laugh and forget about everything that had happened before they met, but at the same time, she was still waiting to feel the sexual chemistry with him.

“He’s coming to your birthday dinner on Friday, right? We gotta meet this guy properly” Meg asked, as the waitress came back with their coffee orders.

“Yeah, he is. So, you can assess him then” Y/N laughed, as she took a sip of her coffee.

Charlie joined in but stopped as she wondered if she should ask Y/N what she wanted to ask at that point. “Have you… have you talked to Dean at all?”

Y/N sighed as she looked at her friend, and then shook her head after a few seconds. “No.”

“You really want to cut off from him completely?” the redhaired woman asked, her face morphing into sadness.

“I think I have to” Y/N replied, as she avoided her friend’s gaze. She knew that if she looked at her, she’d change her mind, and she couldn’t do that.

Charlie bit her lip as she and Meg looked at each other. Meg nodded, and Charlie turned to Y/N.

“What?” Y/N asked, knowing something was up.

“Y/N… Dean and Lisa broke up” Charlie told her.

Y/N felt her breath catch in her throat as her eyes widened. That was the last thing she was expecting Charlie to say. “W-When?”

“A few weeks ago” Meg replied, her fingers tapping against her coffee cup, nervously.

Y/N scoffed, shaking her head. “And you’re telling me this now?” She was annoyed that they hadn’t bothered to tell her this for weeks.

“We wanted to, we really did” Charlie reasoned. “But Y/N, things seemed to be going great with Mark, so we thought we shouldn’t.”

Y/N looked between them. She sighed, looking down at the table and fiddling with the cutlery. “I guess you’re right.”

“It’s just that after that night,” Meg started, putting her coffee down after taking a sip. “You seemed pretty ready to move on and let him deal with whatever happened with Lisa.”

A night out with just Meg a little over a week ago, Y/N had told her what had happened with Dean. She was sure that Cas knew from Dean considering they were best friends, but she was glad that he kept it in confidence that he knew and didn’t tell Meg, despite them being a couple.

“Yeah” Y/N nodded, but her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts at that point. “What happened?”

“He found out about her cheating on him” Charlie replied, sadly.

Y/N’s eyes closed as she shook her head. She couldn’t believe it. Her heart was breaking for him, and all she wanted to do was go over to him and see how he was doing.

“Y/N” Charlie said, trying to get her attention.

YN shook her head as she looked at her friend, having spaced out for a few moments.

“You okay?” Charlie asked, knowing that she wasn’t but asking anyway.

“Yeah” Y/N nodded, smiling. It didn’t really convince her friends. “I’m good.”

Y/N was thankful as their food arrived and it distracted them from what they were talking about.

As Meg told them about something that had happened at the hospital recently, Y/N spaced out again. She couldn’t believe that Dean actually broke up with Lisa. Knowing the reason though, she was glad that he finally had, even if finding out she was cheating on him was the most awful thing that could ever happen. Now, Y/N found herself at a dilemma. Dean was suddenly single, and she was with someone. She really liked Mark and she was having a great time with him. She wasn’t about to break up with him just to be with someone else, but her mind kept floating back to her green-eyed neighbor. She told herself it wasn’t a good idea for several reasons.

One, she was with Mark and she was having a wonderful time with him. Two, Dean had just gotten out of the relationship and he needed some time to himself. Three… she was Mark. She couldn’t break his heart just to be with someone else. She really liked him, and he even kept her mind off Dean, sometimes. So, she wasn’t going to do anything about this new information of the breakup.

It was officially time to move on.

Y/N smiled as she walked hand-in-hand with Mark, down the sidewalk. They had just watched a movie and were walking back to the car, Mark insisting on driving her to and from their movie date. The night air was chilly, and they were thankful they were both rugged up; Mark in a long black coat over a white sweater and jeans, Y/N in a thick, high neck grey sweater, jeans and ankle boots. They were walking in content silence, but every now and then Mark would lean in and kiss her head. It had been two weeks for them and while Y/N was happy with where things were with them, she had a feeling that things were going to progress every soon. They had had several make-out sessions on her couch, but they were still yet to do anything else. It might’ve felt like it was too soon, but she really did like him and she felt they were ready to take the next step in their relationship.

As they were walking down the sidewalk, they walked past a few bars and restaurants. Suddenly, Mark’s path was cut off slightly as someone walked out from a bar and onto the sidewalk.

“Oh, sorry, man” Mark said, looking at him.

The guy turned to face them, and Y/N felt her breath stop as she saw Dean. He looked so good, wearing a leather jacket over a red and black plaid and dark blue jeans. Dean looked between her, the guy she was with and their hands joined together. So, this is him he thought as he looked at Mark.

“It’s okay” Dean said back. “Hey, Y/N” Dean said, looking at her.

“Hi, Dean” she tentatively smiled.

“You both know each other?” Mark asked, confused.

“Uh, yeah. Dean’s my neighbor” Y/N said, looking up at Mark. “Dean, this is Mark.”

Y/N watched as an older man walked out of the bar and up to Dean, looking at him.

“Everything okay?” he asked him, as looked at her and Mark.

“Yeah” Dean nodded quickly. “Dad… this is Y/N my neighbor and this is Mike” he said, introducing them.

“It’s Mark” the man in question corrected Dean.

“My mistake” Dean said, trying to give him a polite smile, but it didn’t move far enough on his face to be genuine.

Y/N took a deep breath. This was the moment she had feared most. She decided to ignore it, as she smiled at Dean’s father.

“It’s so wonderful to finally meet you, sir” she said, offering her hand. “Dean’s told me a lot about you.” She felt Mark looking at her and knew she was going to get a lot of questions later.

“Well, Dean hasn’t told me anything about you, but it’s still great to meet you, as well” John said, shaking her hand as he glanced at his son.

“We should really go” Dean said, looking between the couple and his dad.

“We should too” Y/N said, looking at Mark.

“Great to meet you, man” Mark said, offering his hand to Dean.

Dean looked down at it for a second, before he shook it. “Yeah.”

As they all dispersed, and Y/N walked back to the car with Mark, she was practically hyperventilating at the thought that Mark and Dean had now met. Albeit briefly, but they had. Dean who she had kissed. Dean who she was trying to deny her feelings for but failing miserably.

She was suddenly wishing for the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

When they got back to her house and Mark took off his coat while she kicked off her shoes, the content silence they had before meeting Dean, was now awkward. Y/N filled two glasses of water and handed one to Mark, as she waited patiently for him to say what she knew he was thinking.

“So… did something between you and Dean?” he asked, looking up at her from his glass.

She shook her head. “No.”

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because it felt a little-”

She walked over to him, cupping his jaw in her hands. “Mark, nothing ever happened between Dean and I. He was a good neighbor, invited me for dinner one night and told me a little about his family. That’s it.”

She came to the conclusion that he didn’t need to know what really happened. It was before she met him, and it shouldn’t affect them considering she didn’t know him then.

Mark sighed as he looked at her, a small smile appearing on his face. “Okay.”

She smiled and leaned up, kissing him softly. It didn’t take long for Mark to deepen it, as they wrapped their arms around each other.

“Hold on” he said, pulling away from the kiss and taking out his phone, connecting it through Bluetooth to her speaker.

So long, I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve been waiting too long

Sometimes I don’t know what I will find, I only know it’s a matter of time

Y/N laughed a little at the cheesy song choice but smiled up at him as he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist, swaying side to side. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he leaned down, kissing her, passionately. Things began to heat up, as Y/N cupped his face, kissing him firmly. She nipped at his bottom lip and opened her mouth, their tongues meeting. He was a good kisser, even if he wasn’t quite the kisser a certain someone else was. In that moment, however, she didn’t want to think about her gorgeous green-eyed neighbor.

Mark walked them back to the couch, helping her lie down. Y/N looked up at him as she undid her jeans and pushed them down her legs, throwing them on the floor. He looked down at her, his eyes dark with lust as he lowered himself and wrapped his arms under her, pulling her close. His hands pulled her high collar down as his lips moved down her jaw, nipping and sucking as they landed on her neck. He moved his hips against hers, and she felt herself getting wet from the friction of him getting hard against her panties, through his jeans. He lifted his sweater and took it off, and her hands quickly reached for the white t-shirt he was wearing underneath it. She took it off him and flung it somewhere, both of them not caring. She caressed his arms, his flexed muscles rippling.

Y/N’s cupped his jaw in one hand as she kissed him, the other moving down and rubbing against the seam of his jeans. She felt him growing hard against her hand and she moaned into the kiss.

“You’re sure, right?” he breathlessly asked, going for her neck again.

“Yeah” she gasped, closing her eyes. She quickly pushed him up and sat up, pulling her sweater off, pulling it over her head and off her arms.

Mark stared down at her light pink lacy bra and groaned. “Shit, baby.” He leaned in and kissed her, his hands in her hair.

Y/N started unbuckling his belt and pulled it through the loops, as he fumbled with taking his wallet out of his back pocket. He took out a foil packet and she took it from his hands. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them down along with his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was a reasonable size, and she looked up into his eyes as she wrapped her hand around his shaft, pumping her hand slowly. She leaned back and laid down on the couch, biting her lip as she smiled up at him. He took the packet and tried opening it with one hand, but it fell out of his hand, disappearing somewhere on the couch.

“Oh shit” he whispered, laughing slightly.

“It’s okay, let me see where it is” she said, laughing along with him as she felt around for the foil packet. “If I don’t find it, I’ve started back on the pill, so we should be good.”

It was a moment or two before she found it, lodged under a couch cushion. She waved it with a smile and went to open the packet, but her eyes widened as she looked down at him. His hard on had gone down, becoming flaccid again, in the time that it had taken to find the condom.

Mark noticed her expression and looked down, cursing. “Oh shit, I-I-I uh,” he stuttered.

Y/N tried to calm him down, putting her hands on his shoulders. “It’s okay…”

“No, no, it’s not-” he shook his head, but stopped when she cupped his face, making her look at him.

“Mark” she said, shaking her head. “It’s honestly okay. It happens sometimes. It’s okay. Seriously.”

“Okay.” He nodded as he moved away from her, reached for his boxers and quickly put them on.

“Hey” she whispered, cupping his jaw. “I mean it.”

“Thanks.” He tried to smile but couldn’t. “I should go” he said, disappointed. He avoided her gaze, frowning. He quickly got up and got dressed again.

She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Look at me.”

He looked at her, still frowning. She leaned in, pecking his lips, softly.

“We’ll try again soon, and it’ll be amazing” she smiled, wagging her eyebrows. “Okay?”

His lips turned up in a small smile as he nodded. “Yeah.”

She kissed him again, a little harder this time, a way to emphasise what she just said.

“Get some sleep” she whispered against his lips. “I’ll see you on Friday, right?”

“Yeah” he said, as he moved away from her.

“Goodnight” she smiled.

“Goodnight” he said, as he picked up his coat and put it on. He walked over to the door and looked back at her. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss, trying to cheer him up.

“Bye” he called out.

She gave him a little wave as he walked through the door, closing it behind him.

Y/N’s mind was racing. Maybe what happened just now was because it hadn’t been very long in their relationship. Maybe they needed longer than 2 weeks to decide how they felt about each other and for the connection to form. It wasn’t his fault, and she knew that; it did happen sometimes.

They would try again. She was determined to try again because she did like him.

Or maybe she needed to stop trying to deny what she felt for the man who lived across the street. Would it be easier to end things with Mark now and move on with Dean? She shook her head, as she really thought it through. She couldn’t break Mark’s heart after what just happened, and Dean had just broken with Lisa recently. She kept coming back to the fact that he needed some time to himself.

She really wanted to make things work with Mark. Tonight didn’t turn out like she thought it would, but she couldn’t let it be a setback.

“So… Y/N” John said, smirking at his son as they walked back to their cars.

“Dad” Dean groaned, shaking his head.

“You failed to mention who she was, so clearly there’s something I’m missing” John smiled, as he dissected the situation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Dean denied as they reached where the Impala and his dad’s truck were parked.

John chuckled as he turned to face his son. “You just denied it which means it’s serious.” John looked at him knowingly.

Dean shook his head as he looked at his father. “It’s nothing.”

Dean knew that admitting it wouldn’t change anything. She was still with him. It wouldn’t make a difference.

“Okay” John said, not believing him. “I’ll get it outta ya eventually. Or Sam will.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Bye, dad.”

“Bye” John said, with another small chuckle.

They hugged and went their separate ways, with a promise from Dean that he’d be over during the week for dinner. As he drove home, his mind was on Y/N again. She was a constant thought and quite frankly, he didn’t think he could take it anymore. If his mind could stop teasing him with thoughts of her while he couldn’t do anything about it, it would make life more tolerable.

As he went to bed that night, he knew that it was too good to be true. He drifted to sleep, his thoughts morphing into dreams of Y/N and the life they could have together.

A life he desperately wanted with her but knew he couldn’t have.

-x-

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#Life's Lessons #Dean x Female!Reader #Dean x Female!Reader Series #Dean x Female!Reader Fanfiction #Female!Reader Insert #Mechanic!Dean #Teacher!Reader #Dean x Reader Fanfiction #Dean Winchester Series #Dean Winchester Fanfiction #Dean Winchester Fanfic #Supernatural Fanfiction

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katehuntington · 4 years

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Title: Ride With Me (part 25) Fandom: Supernatural Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: ±6900 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family. Summary part 25: Y/N and Dean struggle with the aftermath of their split. Working together proves to be difficult, but other relationships within the ranch family took a hit as well. When the cowboy thinks the day can’t get much worse, complications arise, forcing him to make yet another difficult decision. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak, slowburn. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: (opening scene) The Eye - Brandi Carlile. (Ride with Meadow scene) Home - Hans Zimmer. Follow ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Beta’d by my mom (yes, you read that right. My mom reads my stuff and is on Tumblr). Thank you, @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish, @kittenofdoomage, @manawhaat, @waywardbeanie, @atc74, and @winchest09 for helping me with this story. Also a special thanks to @jules-1999, who has offered me her knowledge about rodeo events like these, and @squirrelnotsam, who knows Arizona like the back of her hand.

Ride With Me Masterlist

With frustrated motions, Y/N stuffs her clothes into a bag, not even bothered to sort the items out. Her cheeks are tear-stained once again and she wipes at them angrily. Stop crying, it won’t get you anywhere, she scolds herself, done with feeling this emotional. After all, today is Monday, just another day at the ranch, and they have a lot of work to do. Garth and Ellen did the necessary stable work, but the horses which are usually trained by Jo, Dean, and herself had three days off while their riders were in Flagstaff.

Dean. Just the name reverberating in her head forces her to pause her actions. She dips her chin, closes her eyes, and takes a breath. Why? That’s the question she keeps asking herself. Why did he break up with her? Why did he pretend to care, only to hurt her the way he did? Why has he become so bitter, so selfish, so unlike the man she thought he was?

The questions remain unanswered, and she doesn’t expect they will give her any consolation either. That was the whole issue to begin with, wasn’t it? He can’t be honest. Apparently, he doesn’t think she’s capable of bearing the load he is meant to share with his partner. Apparently, she’s not good enough. Just like she didn’t meet her first boyfriend’s standards, who got tired of her spending more time with her horses than with him. Her second relationship ended in a fiasco as well, this time it was his jealousy of her success that caused the split. Yesterday proved that the third time clearly isn’t a charm. But neither of her previous significant others ever caused a cataclysm as the one Dean has left behind. Her heart is a wasteland now.

“Are you leaving?” She’s pulled away from her thoughts by Jo’s voice, her tone matching the horrified expression on her face. She stands in the doorway, looking down at the open suitcase on the floor and the unzipped bag. All of a sudden, Y/N realizes what the scene must look like. “No. I’m just sorting out my washing,” she says quickly. “Oh…” the blonde cowgirl sighs, relieved. “For a second there I thought--” “I won’t let your scumbag cousin chase me away, Jo,” her friend assures her.

Truth be told, though, she has been thinking about it. Last night she had typed down her information on a booking website, ready to confirm her flight back to Freeport, but as her finger hovered over the ‘confirm’ button, she closed the tab and slammed her laptop closed. The intern came here on a mission. She is going to prove to her parents and to herself that she has what it takes to run her own ranch and that she deserves that business loan. She is not going to abort just because her heart is broken, come hell or high water.

“Well, good. I would have roped you like a cow and tied you to the saddle anyway,” Jo scoffs, leaning against the doorframe.

The cowgirl chuckles as she collects the last of her dirty laundry, zips up the bag, and puts it on the bed. The sight of the not-particularly comfortable mattress has her wishing she could crawl back under the covers and get some much-needed sleep. That’s not an option, however, and so she takes her hat from the corner bedpost and places it on her head. Before she goes out, she quickly checks her makeup in the mirror, but thankfully her tears haven’t smudged her waterproof eyeliner and mascara, and her foundation is still covering the bags under her eyes. It’s been a while since she hid behind the beauty-products, but the confidence Dean gave her has disappeared the second he ended their relationship, so she put her mask back on. There is no way she will give her ex-boyfriend the satisfaction of witnessing just how broken she is.

Y/N inhales deeply and squares her shoulders, lifting her chin as she stares at her reflection. The woman who looks back at her is fierce and resilient; the complete opposite of the little girl that’s hiding inside. Of course, she doesn’t want to face the day nor the man who hurt her, but she is left with no choice. There is so much more at stake here; her future, her career. This is business, and she will treat it as such. Y/N glances at Jo, giving her a nod, and her friend smiles faintly doing the same.

Rubbing his tired eyes, Dean pours himself his third cup of coffee. Saying that he had a rough night, is putting it mildly. The first digit of his alarm clock had already changed into a ‘2’ when he finally drifted off, only to jolt awake an hour and a half later, his bedsheets clinging to his sweat-covered skin. For the first time in years, a nightmare has caused havoc, images of his worst memories coming through cracks in the walls he built around all that childhood trauma. After freshening up, he laid in bed again while last night’s events alternated with those same disturbing scenes he saw in his dreams, the sad motion picture of sorrow and heartbreak projected on the ceiling. He gave up on sleeping around four-thirty in the morning, got dressed, and sat out on the porch until the sun came up. But no matter how hard he focused on the sounds of the night that tried to soothe him, he couldn't get her out of his mind. The pain laced in her desperate voice, the tears that fell because of him. But after those hurtful images, he also remembers that bright smile, her giggles, the sparkle in her eyes when she has achieved something. Her tenderness, her touch… It hasn’t even been twelve hours and he’s already craving Y/N, fighting an addiction for a drug he can never have again. The girl who is no longer his Yankee.

A door squeaks and Dean glances aside, immediately redirecting his gaze back to the coffee mug on the small kitchen counter when Y/N comes into view, followed suit by Jo. Instantly, the tension in the living room shoots through the roof, the crooked, little bunkhouse barely able to maintain the strain. He doesn’t say anything, but thankfully Garth and Benny do exchange a ‘good morning’ with the girls, the silence interrupted by the casual exchange.

He spots her perfectly applied makeup, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail that doesn’t allow a single strand to escape the rubber band. Her shirt is neatly tucked into her jeans, ironed and spotless, just like the day when she arrived at the ranch. Even though she looks breathtaking, the vision saddens him; she’s back to being the woman who needs to have everything under control. He gets it, though, because when she took his advice to loosen up, she let her guard down. If she had kept both hands on the reins, Y/N would have never allowed him to get so close and comfortable. Dean only made things worse for her, and now she was left to pick up the pieces of all that he broke.

Without saying a word, he grabs his coffee and pushes the door handle down to make his exit, not wanting to make her life more difficult than he already has.

Ultimately, this Monday was bound to get worse with every passing minute. Dean decided to get an early start before breakfast and got on the tractor, but when the ranch hand tried to back up in order to drag the arena, he couldn't get the old John Deere into reverse. A glance underneath soon determined why and he exclaimed a loud ‘fuck!’ when he detected the puddle of gearbox-oil on the dusty ground. Turning the fresh horses out only added to his agitation, especially when the youngsters stirred up the palomino stallion Led while the wrangler was hand-walking him. The Quarter is still recovering from the nasty tendon injury he suffered on the job, and isn’t supposed to be bouncing off the concrete like a rubber ball on a leash, but tell that to an energetic horse who has barely been out of his box for the past month. Garth readied a horse for his boss, which he managed to ride before breakfast, but Dean was unfocused and gave up after thirty minutes.

Now, they were all quietly eating their breakfast, the delicious meal giving them some consolation. Ellen observes the awfully silent crew, exchanging a look with her daughter, who with a slow shake of her head tells her mother to not bring it up, and so she doesn’t. The head wrangler is the first to get up from his seat, rinse his plate in the sink, and return to the stables. The others follow his example, the barn soon buzzing with activity.

Y/N works like a dog, mucking out the stable in record time without pausing. It’s a good distraction for her reeling mind, the hard labor ridding her of the frustration that boils her blood whenever she thinks of the man who ruined her faith in true love. Garth, sensing that the intern was fine on her own, took the tough job of raking the arena by hand, since machinery has let them down. Meanwhile, Jo and Dean train the animals as per usual, but there’s no bantering between them during the cool down. In fact, the wrangler’s cousin has decided to ignore him altogether.

Getting more irritated with every second passing, the horseman dismounts the six-year-old gelding named Santana, deciding that a light workout is enough for today. The wrangler is always careful to not let his emotions bleed into his work, but he’s finding it difficult to keep himself in check. Jo has already parked her horse next to the bay Quarter and has tacked down the buckskin without granting Dean a look. He sighs; Jo is not easily going to forgive him for hurting her friend, but he still tries to break the stifling silence.

“Can you pass me the water?” he asks, nodding at the yellow garden hose that’s rolled up by the faucet. Without even granting him a look, the ranch owner’s daughter throws the showerhead in his direction, the nozzle clattering on the tiles in front of Dean’s feet. He sighs, annoyed. “So this is how it’s gonna be?” he scoffs. “I get that you’re mad, but you can at least t--” “I have nothing to say to you,” she snaps.

It’s not the first time Jo is angry with him, because the two have a habit of getting on each other’s nerves. This time it’s different, though, and the bitterness in her tone sends a clear message that he has burned his bridges. Gritting his teeth, he lets the comment slide, deciding that it’s useless to fire back a counter. She has a solid point after all; he doesn’t deserve her sympathy in the slightest. Figuring that these will be the only words they exchange for at least a couple of days, the cowboy begins to hose down Santana, when Jo turns on her heels with her horse’s lead rope in one hand and her fist firmly planted on her waist. “You know what? I do have something to say. You just don’t get to speak in return,” she kicks off, about to unleash her wrath. Dean lifts his gaze from the dirt and sweat that he’s washing out of his horse’s coat, for the first time looking into his cousin’s fiery eyes. The petit cowgirl, who is easily nine inches shorter than the man before her, is intimidating nonetheless. He takes a breath, bracing himself for impact. Here it comes.

“You’re a cold-hearted, spineless, self-absorbed dick, know that? For once in your life, you’ve got something good goin’, someone who was willing to look past your gigantic ego and your daddy issues, yet the first thing you do when life gets tough, is drop her like a hot potato. Do you have any idea how much pain you’ve caused the poor girl? Because I do! She wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but she cried for hours, hours, and that’s on you! Guess who had to comfort her, huh?” Jo goes off. “I am so far past mad; I am furious! I really thought you had finally found a reason to change into something better than the abbreviated piece of nothing that you are now, but it seems like Y/N wasn’t the only one who was naive.” “You done?” the wrangler says coldly when she pauses to catch her breath. “Go hump a cactus, Dean,” she sneers.

With those words, Jo strides away, the large animal next to her obediently following her, well aware that now is not the time to be stubborn. The man who’s left with the poignant insults still echoing inside his head, pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth, staring at his feet for a second before he sniffs and focuses on the task at hand again. He might have pretended that her message left him unbothered, but the opposite is true. Jo could as well slap him across the face; it would hurt less.

Defeated, the wrangler takes Santana to his box and removes the halter from the large animal’s head. The sweet horse seeks contact, nudging her nose against Dean’s shoulder. He rubs the Quarter’s withers before he exits the stable, appreciating the only kindness that he’s received so far this morning.

“Dean?” He tenses, not expecting his name to fall off the lips of the woman who he parted from only yesterday. When the cowboy meets her gaze, the look Y/N gives him is as cold as the tone of her voice. “I need a word,” she says, although it sounds more like a demand. “S - sure,” he stutters, glancing down briefly before he looks back up again, suddenly nervous. He’s not sure if he can handle being scolded by his ex-girlfriend as well. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to work together anymore,” she states formally. “I’d like a new supervisor.”

Dean cocks his head back slightly, unbalanced by the appeal. He rubs his temple, averting his eyes but then nods, acknowledging that she’s probably right, even though the request is a painful one. “Yeah, uh - sure. I’ll ask Garth,” he stammers, estimating that he would be the obvious choice since she’s so close with Jo. He wouldn’t want their friendship to be tainted by the difference in rank. “Okay,” the intern responds, her expression stark and strained, before she walks past him.

Motionless, the head wrangler remains on his spot, setting his jaw and closing his eyes for a second. Somehow, he didn’t expect their first exchange to be strictly business. Her stance is so different from what he’s grown used to. Even on the night they met when she gave him a hard time, the tension between them didn’t feel as heavy as it does now. He realized when he called it quits that she would struggle with his decision, but Jo’s confirmation that she spent most of last night crying over their separation has him desperate to ease the pain.

“Y/N…” he says softly while turning before she’s too far gone to pick up on his voice. “I have work to do,” she cuts off, shooting him a short glare over her shoulder.

Dean swallows thickly while watching her leave, fast and determined strides taking her as far away from him as possible. Damn it, he really did ruin his chances of even maintaining any sort of a friendship, didn’t he? He’s not sure what else he expected after the way they parted, but despite the loathing and vexed look she just shot him that feels like a bullet to the heart, he’s glad. Let her be angry, let her hate him. It will be easier for her to deal with those emotions, than just the overwhelming sense of sadness. He knows, because he hasn’t felt this devastated, empty, and incomplete since his family fell apart; he’s talking from experience. Wishing the day was over already, the cowboy adjusts his hat and gets back to work, hoping that riding will offer him the therapy he so desperately needs.

Unfortunately, the day doesn’t pass by nearly as fast as Dean would like to. After riding five horses, he, Benny, and Garth use their lunch break to look at the beat-up tractor that once again has let them down. The head wrangler doesn’t mind skipping his midday meal; he would rather avoid sitting across from Y/N in a room overflowing with awkwardness, plus, he’s not hungry anyway.

The machine from 1979 was bound to die on the crew sooner than later, but after the farrier slash mechanic discovers metal particles in the gearbox fluid, it becomes clear that a simple oil change isn’t going to cut it this time. “Yep, she’s toast,” Benny sighs, wiping his dirty hands with a cloth. “Just what we need,” his friend grunts. He’s not looking forward to his uncle’s response to the setback. “I’ll tell Bobby.” “I can if you want me to,” the stable boy - who is also responsible for the machinery - offers. Dean purses his lips slightly, his thumbs hooked through the belt loops of his jeans while he stares at the old John Deere absently. “Nah, I’ll do it. I got a question for you, though. Do you mind supervising Y/N from now on?” Garth shakes his head, taking in his boss, somewhat confused. “No, not at all.” “Good,” the wrangler replies quickly, thankful that the slender employee takes on the task without question. The clueless young man didn’t pick up on the relationship between Dean and the intern to begin with, and he would rather keep him in the dark, especially now that it has ended. He knocks on the rusty hood of the tractor before he heads off. “I’ll see y’all in a bit. Can you start rolling out the hay to the pastures with the wheelbarrows? It’s gonna take a hell of a lot longer without this old thing.”

The shade inside the stables is welcoming, and not just because it offers cooler temperatures. Dean’s eyes are still painfully sore from the lack of sleep and he rubs at them again, trying to stop them from burning. Shit, and it’s only Monday, he sighs to himself. The three-day event over the weekend means no time off for the employees who attended. The last time he didn’t have to show up at seven in the morning or earlier was late September, which means that he has been working twelve-hour plus shifts for fourteen days straight now. Work never stops on a ranch. The horses depend on him; they will always need food, a clean stable and exercise, no matter how tired, lovesick, or miserable he is.

The cafeteria is already empty. His aunt is probably at the guesthouses to change the sheets and towels, giving the accommodations a quick once-over. However, he finds a post-it on the long table with his name on it; ‘Don’t forget to eat. Bacon sandwiches are in the fridge - Ellen’. As the cowboy smiles for the first time today, he wonders if Bobby has told his wife anything about John’s unexpected visit in Flagstaff, hoping that he hasn’t. Knowing his aunt, she’s going to sit him down for some sweet tea and a talk, even though previous attempts of having a conversation as such proved to be unsuccessful. He appreciates her concern, though, the idea of his surrogate mom caring about him offering Dean some solace.

The wrangler walks through the high barn doors on the other side, the sun doing its very best to cheer him up, but the rays don’t reach his soul. He makes his way to the Singer’s home, reckoning he will find Bobby there. As per usual, Dean takes off his hat and hangs it on the coat hanger, kicking off his boots before he proceeds to the office in the back of the house. After knocking, he pushes the door ajar, finding his uncle behind his desk. The place is still a mess, but the occupant’s features aren’t draped in shadows like the last time he was here. The blinders are open, the window a passe-partout of the Joshua tree, together with the paddocks and pastures surrounding it.

The rancher looks up when his nephew enters. “Hey, son. How’s the tractor comin’?” “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s fried. The oil is swimming with debris,” Dean tells, taking a seat on the other side of the desk. “Metal?” Bobby questions. When the young man across from him nods, he curses. “Balls!”

Dean presses his lips into a firm line, keeping still in the worn chair to prevent it from squeaking. His uncle seemed to be in a good mood after the successful show, but he can tell that this setback has put a strain on the old man’s frame of mind.

“You’re gonna call the service station?” the head wrangler wonders. “No, that’s gonna cost us. We finally managed to make some money, I ain’t planning on spending it on that damned thing.” The rancher adjusts his ball cap before leaning back in his chair. “You boys can give it a go first, open up that gearbox, see what’s broken. I’ll order parts once you figure out what’s wrong with that piece of shit.”

Scribbling something down on a piece of paper, Bobby sighs, but then returns his focus to Dean. “There’s somethin’ else I need to discuss with you.” His right-hand raises his eyebrows slightly, his interest peaked. “What’s that?” “It’s about Cain,” his uncle murmurs. “Apparently MacLeod didn’t tell the entire story.” Dean scoffs, shaking his head. “Should I be surprised? I’m not sure what kinda vibes you picked up from that shady dude, but I sure as hell don’t trust him for the life of me.” “I don’t either. That’s why I think we should reconsider that deal.” Bobby rests his elbows on the armrests of his chair, forking his fingers together in his lap. He expected some resistance from Dean, but not such a strong reaction as his nephew fires back.

“What?! Are you serious?” he counters, perplexed. “You’re just gonna wipe it off the table?” “Not ‘just’, but we need to consider our options,” his boss returns. “How many options do we have exactly? Because the way I see it, this arrangement is a pretty damn good one. It’s good money, a steady income with the prospect of a huge bonus, not to mention what doors it might open for the future. This horse might be the break we need,” Dean advocates, remembering Y/N’s words clearly when she summed up all the possibilities that Cain might bring with him. “Look, I know Fergus is a proper dick, but he has a reputation to protect. There’s too much at stake for him, and I don’t believe he will double-cross us. If we deliver, he’s gonna pay good bucks.” “And that’s where we might have a problem; actually delivering,” Bobby returns, taking in his head wrangler. Dean draws his head back, slightly hurt, frowning at his uncle’s words. “You don’t think I can get the job done?” “I’m not sure if anyone can, son,” the owner of the Gold Canyon Ranch states calmly. “The horse doesn’t just have ‘some behavioral issues’, as Fergus put it. He’s unapproachable, unpredictable, aggressive. That stallion is dangerous to everyone in a square mile radius. Jody rang me this morning to warn us.” “Jody?” the cowboy returns, puzzled. He’s aware that the female rancher knows a lot of people in this business, but he didn’t expect the news of the famous stallion’s arrival would spread so fast. “How did she even know that Cain was coming to us?” “Because MacLeod is a client of hers. Cain is currently in her stables.”

Dean’s eyebrows hit his hairline, emerald greens staring over the desk at the man on the other side. While gaping at his uncle, questions begin to race through his mind. Jody did business with Fergus? Jody is a good trainer with excellent judgment, so if she claims Cain is untrainable, that says something. Their last conversation in Flagstaff comes to mind, the news about Gabe’s hospitalization shocking him at the time. Could his friend’s injuries be the stallion’s doing?

Bobby watches his trusted worker process the information, rolling his chair a little closer and resting his forearms on the varnished wood, closing his hand over his fist. “I know this complicates things, but I’m gonna leave it up to you. If you think you can handle the stallion, I will trust your judgment. But I don’t want you to risk your neck for the money, Dean. We will find another way.”

The horseman chews on his lip as he ponders, his focus capturing nothing in particular as his eyes flick over the items and documents on the desk. “We’ll have a week to evaluate him. I’ll make the call after that,” he decides. “Mind if I contact Jody to get some insight on what I’m up against?” “Knock yourself out,” Bobby consents. “Just leave the numbers that we agreed to out of it.” “Will do.”

Dean gets up from his seat, pushing the chair closer to the desk before he intends to slip out of the office before he’s stopped by his boss. “One more thing,” the wise man says, looking over his enclosed hands. “What’s going on with you and the intern?”

Caught, the head wrangler freezes, eyes wide with shock and pure horror staring into the hallway. Shit. How the hell is he going to answer that? Is he referring to the dance at the opening night of the horse show or the palpable tension that has surrounded the former couple whenever they were in close range of each other? Dean doesn’t know, but he has the feeling that the continuation of this conversation is going to be anything but pleasant. Composing himself before he turns back to face his uncle.

“Nothin’. What do you mean?” He shrugs as the corners of his mouth draw down, pretending to be careless. “Don’t play dumb, boy. I was born at night, but not last night.” Bobby glares at him knowingly. “Are you messin’ around with her?” “No,” Dean says firmly, the truth in his words hurting him deep down. His uncle lifts his chin, holding the cowboy’s gaze while narrowing his eyes. It’s clear that he’s not buying. “You wanna explain then why you two were like two peas in a pot in Flagstaff, but can’t even look at each other now?”

With his hand still on the door handle, his nephew attempts to keep his act together, but then he sighs. Damn it, he was so close to making it out of this meeting alive. Oh well, what’s one more lecture, right?

“Look, there’s nothing going on, not anymore. I - uh, I got carried away and I shouldn’t have let it,” he admits. “I broke it off. It won’t happen again.” “Is this gonna be a problem?” his boss asks sternly. “If you two can’t work together--” “It isn’t. Garth will supervise her from now on. Just to prevent any issues in the future,” he continues, hoping the fact that they actually discussed how to carry on as colleagues from this point forward will put the concern to rest.

“There better be a future for her here on this ranch. I can’t afford to lose a free worker, especially not one as skilled as she is,” Bobby warns, not convinced. “I’d pray that she won’t pack her bags if I were you, ‘cause I’ll give ya one guess who’s gonna have to work twice as hard and whose ass I’m gonna bust.” “She won’t leave,” his head wrangler guarantees, willing to bet his life on it.

His promise might seem based on a hopeful hunch, but Y/N hasn’t given Dean any indication to question her professionalism. She even approached him in order to change the conditions of her internship, which couldn’t have been easy for her. Their interaction will be minimized and strictly business from now on, something he reckons she will handle much more gracefully than he will, simply because she has a bigger purpose to focus on. This placement is a stepping stone to her dream of owning her own ranch, and that goal hasn’t changed. He knows she won’t leave Gold Canyon.

Bobby observes his nephew, still bothered by the fact that he didn’t listen to him when he specifically told the bachelor not to get involved with the intern. He’s going to save the rant for another time, though, the sight of an already dejected man before him having him hold back. It seems like this is doing a number on young fellow, and considering how they were with each other at the horse show this weekend, he’s not surprised. The two reminded him of his twenties when he first got together with his Ellen. The boy is hurting, more than he lets on. “Alright then. Get goin’, I’ve got bills to pay,” he eventually says, shooing Dean out with a flick of the wrist.

Relieved that his uncle is cutting him some slack, he nods and silently pulls the door shut, putting a barrier between himself and the conversation he has been dreading for weeks. If only he could be able to tell Bobby that he’s with the girl he’s in love with; he would have taken the grumpy rebuke with a grin on his face. If only.

While stepping outside, the cowboy pulls his cellphone from his jeans pocket, looking up Jody Mills’ number in his contacts. He begins to slowly stroll back and forth on the porch in its sheltering shade, the floorboards moaning and cracking under his boots as he waits with his Nokia pressed against his ear. The steady tone beeps twice before his friend picks up. “Hey,” it sounds from the other side of the line. “I was hoping you’d call.” “Yeah, Bobby told me about Cain,” he returns. “Kinda complicates things, don’t it?” “I need to listen to me very carefully,” Jody starts, earnest and worried. “Do not take that horse into your stable.”

The cowboy sighs, glancing over the land while hooking his thumb behind his belt. He figured the female rancher would try to convince him to back off. “It’s good money, Jody, and I’ve handled difficult cases before. Cain deserves a shot. I have to try.” “I get it, but hear me out. If Fergus offered you a deal that seems too good to be true, that’s because it is. I know you’re an excellent trainer, hell, the best that I know. But I’m telling you, we’re not talking about a stallion with some authority issues here. That horse is twisted, has wires crossed. I have never seen such behavior,” she presses. “So many people have tried to straighten him out already. I did some digging, and Fergus’ supposedly ‘million dollar prospect’ has moved in and out nine different stables over the past year. No one has succeeded.”

He ponders, not taking her warning lightly. Jody is an experienced equestrian who has dealt with many tough animals. She even passed some horses on to him when she couldn’t get through to them. The woman is well aware of the limits to her expertise and has always been honest with clients when a horse was too much for her to handle, but never before has she doubted that the wrangler from the Gold Canyon Ranch could do the job.

“When Gabe got hurt, was it…?” Dean wonders, hesitant, not finishing his sentence. “It was Cain.”

He sets his jaw, the muscles flexing under his stubble. Although he assumed it was the stallion who has put his former colleague into the hospital, it still shocks him. He continues to pace the deck in front of the Singer’s home. “How is he doing?” he wonders. Jody pulls in a deep breath, the message she’s about to deliver clearly a difficult one. “He’s never gonna walk again. Paralyzed from the waist down.”

Dean closes his eyes and swallows thickly. It’s the outcome they all feared, but hearing the confirmation makes his gut churn. Losing one's legs is a nightmare for everyone, but for a rider? He can’t possibly picture it, becoming wheelchair-bound. Honestly, he would rather die than to never be able to get in the saddle again.

“Dean, I know you believe every horse deserves a second chance, but please, let this one go. He is beyond repair. I’m not asking, I’m begging,” she pleads, a tremor in her voice. “If you take on Cain, it’s only a matter of time before you get hurt, or worse.”

The words are backed up by a heavy silence. The two stay quiet for a while, the words sinking in with the wrangler. Flight animals fueled by fear can do either two things; run or attack. If getting away from the supposed threat is impossible, they tend to go for the last. It’s not something the horse will even think about; it’s a survival instinct. When a naturally kind creature takes a turn like that, it becomes a thousand-pound killing machine. If Cain is truly that far gone, it is likely that he is indeed beyond saving. The trainer has to see it for himself, though, and not just because the ranch can use the cash. He realizes that if he doesn’t take on this task, someone else will, someone with less experience. If this stallion is really that lethal, the next novice trainer might make an error of judgment that will be his or her last. At least Dean has the skills. It seems like he is Cain’s last resort, because if he isn’t trainable, he will get the bullet at some point. He wouldn’t be the first horse to be put down because of similar problems.

“Thanks for the warning, Jody,” he responds after a long pause. “I’ll keep it in mind.” “Dean--” “I know. I know what you’re gonna say, but if I don’t do this, who knows what might happen to him. I’ve got a week to decide if we wanna go through with it. That’s the least I can do.” He can hear his friend grunt, frustrated, probably realizing that changing his mind was a long shot to begin with. “Just… be careful, okay?” “I will, promise,” Dean assures. “Talk to you later.”

The cowboy hangs up, staring at his phone for a few more seconds before he puts it away and steps out into the sun, heading back to the stables. The admonition continues to ring in his ears, and he allows the caution to imprint the decisions he needs to make in the upcoming days. After all, warned is forearmed.

Y/N wishes anyone had warned her how painful it is to have her heart broken by the person who made it beat just for him. Maybe she would have been more mindful then, more guarded. Maybe she wouldn’t have let him have it, had she known how careless he would be.

Around 5 o’clock, her new supervisor said it was okay if she wanted to take her own horse for a ride. Normally she trains Meadow either before or after shift, but she got all the work done at record speed, desperate for a distraction, that all her daily tasks were fulfilled two hours before dinner. Maybe Garth detected that she needed some alone-time with her four-legged friend, because he suggested the ride with a sympathetic smile and a kind nudge, sending her towards the Quarter’s box.

After straightening out the saddle pad, the cowgirl tightens the cinch. Meadow, who can be a bit of a grumpy mare when it comes to tacking up, stands still without moving a muscle, allowing her owner to ready her for a ride without pulling a prank like she usually does. Sometimes the cheeky horse will try to fish Y/N’s phone from her back pocket, nibble at her hat or her sleeve, or refuse to take a step aside when requested, but not today. Maybe she can sense that such an action could set her human off.

The horse accepts the bit when the cowgirl offers it to her, after which she pulls the headpiece over Meadow’s black-tipped ears, securing the straps skillfully. She sniffles, wiping her nose and forcing herself to keep her composure a little while longer. In a few minutes, when she’s away from prying eyes, she will allow to let the tears flow again, but not now, not yet.

Y/N unties her horse, places her left foot in the stirrup, and swings her right leg over the back of her bay mare, softly landing in the saddle. Picking up the reins, she steers her horse away from the tack up area, the smooth leather between her fingers giving her a sense of control that she’s missing in her love life.

Instead of leading Meadow towards the arena, the rider guides her towards the gate that leads to the trail. Her horse had an eventful weekend and gave it her all in competition, so it wouldn’t be fair to put her through a full workout. The performance took a lot out of the willing horse who never seizes to bring her best efforts and more. Even though the freestyle only lasted minutes, the athlete peaked with a brilliant execution of the routine, which takes a lot of skill and strength. Then there’s the ambiance of a show, the new environment, all the sensory overload. The combination of all those factors did a number the Quarter, and she deserves a calm and relaxing ride, much like the young woman she’s carrying on her back. Y/N is in no state to train, well aware that the heightened emotions will get the best of her if something might not work out the way she planned, and that’s not something she wants her companion to bear the consequences of. If anything, Meadow has been absolutely wonderful, seeming to understand that her person is sad and needs someone to lean on.

After closing the fence behind them, the girl and her horse follow the path that leads towards the hills. Cacti flank the road ahead towards the Superstition Mountains, which stand tall in the backdrop. The beautiful amber colored volcanic rock formations seem even more vibrant now that the setting sun blesses nature with a warm glow. The vegetation is much greener than it was when they searched for the herd of youngsters in the reservoir. Autumn is here, and within a couple of months, the ridges that reach for the sky will be covered in snow. It’s supposed to be a beautiful sight, at least that’s what Dean told her.

Now that it’s just her and Meadow, Y/N finally allows the suppressed tears to fall. The battle she has been fighting all day is one she knew she would lose eventually, she just wanted to be with her most faithful friend when the levee breaks. She doesn’t even intend to wipe the drops of despair away, knowing that she has to let it out now in order to keep up the facade later. And so the last rays of the day catch the shimmering pathways down her cheeks, similar to how the water cobbled at Willow’s Creek, where she and Dean shared their first kiss. All the memories, those perfect little moments that she thought to cherish forever, they are worth nothing now. It was all just a dream.

Y/N transits into a slow canter, hoping that the wind in her face will chase the sorrow away. She has to feel something completely opposite to the grief that is ripping her apart. She needs to experience freedom and the bond that comes along with this unique partnership between her and Meadow, the simplicity of moving across the desert like men and their horses have been doing so for centuries. No engines, no computers, no engineering. Just two souls of completely different species merging as one.

Resting her free hand on her horse’s neck and gripping the black mane, she pushes her heels into the Quarter’s flanks, aiding her to pick up speed. The bay mare takes over, her rider is no longer in control, but she no longer has to be. Y/N doesn’t need to direct this movie, because she trusts Meadow with her life. If there is any being on the face of the planet that she would follow blindly, it’s her companion. Meadow has never let her down, not once, and her owner knows there will never come a moment when she will. And so she breathes in, welcoming the wind to fill her lungs with newfound courage, brought on by the majestic animal that gallops across the landscape, carrying Y/N on her wings.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part twenty-six here

#Ride With Me #Dean x Reader #Cowboy!Dean x reader #Cowboy!Dean AU #Dean Winchester series #Cowboy!Dean series #Dean Winchester x Reader #Dean Winchester reader insert #Dean Winchester #Dean Winchester fanfiction #Supernatural AU #SPN #Supernatural #Supernatural series #SPN series #Dean angst #Dean fluff #RWM chapter 25 #Kate Huntington

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proudlylost · 4 years

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My 6+1 favorite SPN fics: AU

After the SPN finale I kinda got sucked back into the fandom. The excessive amount of fanfiction reading ensued (I re-read all of my SPN fic favorites and then some) and I realised I have actually read quite a lot of them. So I thought I could share them, to highlight all the talented authors there is and also to gather all of my favorites into the one place. This post contain my favorite AU fics, the SPN universe edition of this fic rec can be found here.

Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits

“In the spring of 1944, the 104th Medical Battalion of the United States Army is disbanded, and its men reassigned to various infantry companies in preparation for their invasion of occupied France. For First Lieutenant Novak, this is less than helpful, as he has so far met his platoon’s designated medic a grand total of twice, and has both times found Sergeant Winchester to be the optimum combination of reckless, arrogant, and downright insufferable so as to make cohesive platoon function near impossible. When the time comes to move out, however, Castiel has to reconcile himself to the fact that men are going to go down and trust that Dean Winchester may well be the only person who can put them back together again. WW2 ETO infantry AU. “

READ! THIS! Well, there is some really disturbing war related and time period related stuff, but if you can stomach that, read it! Along with the Angel’s Wild, this is my favorite fanfiction. This fic is heart wrenching and so, so good.The characterization is on point. Historical accuracy is on point. Slow burn is on point. Everything is just perfect. However, as I said, this fic is heavy stuff. There is some serious angst (I cried. I almost never cry when reading) and trauma. But there is glimmers of hope, even if sometimes it feels hopeless. Expected recovery time: at least two weeks. Word Count: 401,183. Explicit

Angel’s wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone

“But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.”

This was first longer fic that I read from Supernatural fandom and I fell in love. So this is “the fic that got me into the fandom” but I have read it multiple times since and it is still very, very good. I love everything about this fic. It is very original and the lore is amazing. I love how Dean and Cas are both quite young (in Cas’s case, relatively speaking) and how their love develops (slow burn! <3) I love how Cas is described and I love how he communicates (unintentionally) with flowers. You can also read this without having any knowledge of supernatural series (like I did) which is always impressive for a fic. Wor count: 389, 271. Explicit

For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel

“Dean Winchester knows two things about hockey, two things his dad made sure he knew. One, hockey is a guy’s sport, and two, hockey is family. Hockey meant Sam and Bobby and Benny and Victor and Gabriel and hell, his entire team. So when Victor gets traded, Russian-star-turned-new-teammate Castiel Krushnic becomes a threat. As much as Dean hates him for that, the longer he sticks around, the more he begins to threaten that first rule too. Dean’s been taught his whole life that those who play hockey should not be captivated by deep accented voices and the way a guy handles his stick, so how the hell is he supposed to justify what he’s starting to think about Cas? All Dean wanted at the beginning of the season was to win, and now all he wants to do is figure out how he feels about Cas and how to deal with it without ruining his career and tearing his family apart. “

Ah, three of my absolute favourite things smashed into the same fic: sports, slow burn and enemies to lovers. This fic has lots of cameos from supernatural characters, because hockey teams require lots of players. So it is easy to spot your favorite character in this fic. This fic is probably one of may favorites, because of the sport environment (Outside the fandom, I have been super into sports. Like so much I have several national championships medals from my sport. Anyway, not a point here): also the sexual tension between Dean and Cas is so good, especially when they are pumped with the adrenaline. You don’t really need to understand sports to enjoy this fic, though. Word count: 143,592. Explicit

Formula Won by cardinalwrites

“Of all the places Castiel Novak thought he would take in his career, an internship as a Formula One Paddock Correspondent (or journalist, for short) was most definitely not one of them for a few reasons. One: He had no clue what the hell Formula One was. Two: He knew nothing about sports in general. And Three: He should not fall in love with the people he’s supposed to be asking hard-hitting questions to, least of all the head driver of one of the oldest and most well-renowned teams in the sport’s history.

This is a love story told around the world through the eyes of the person that knows the least about where he has found himself in. Come follow a 20-race season finding love in the lost, learning the truth, and figuring out what the hell Formula One is along the way.”

Another sports fic with a slow burn. This is probably not everyone’s cup of tea, because there is quite a lot information about formula one, and the reading experience is more enjoyable if already know about formulas/do your research. Don’t let it stop you though, because this fic is very good. The friendship between Dean and Cas is very natural, and later the romance as well. The plot is very engaging and the drama inside the formula one organization is so good. This fic is also not so “heavy” as the other ones in my list (of course, there are problems along the way, but even the fic’s tags say there will be fluff). The rating is T, which is kinda surprising, because I did not notice it until I already had read the whole fic. Word count: 123,777. Teen

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster

Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

This is one of the fandom classics and quite rightfully so. Both Dean and Cas have issues, in other words: what’s new? The sexual chemistry between them was so good and well written, but there is also angst and mental health issues (mostly Cas). Sam is quite young in this fic, but manages to be very much a little brother. I honestly loved this fic when I was a bit younger, but I think it is still very good and deserves its place in this list. Word count 94,054. Explicit

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother's apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is -- a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

Ah, it seems that I’m incapable of picking nice, fluffy, happy fanfics. This certainly is not one of them. There is full warnings in the tags, because there is some triggering stuff: PTSD, mentions of past abuse, alcoholism etc. But, this is also very healing story in its own way (It has happy ending. I guess I can spoil that because it reads in the tags) . I avoided this fic for a long time, because the prostitute!Dean tag scared me away, but this was so worth of reading (as I said, happy ending)! Gabriel is super supportive and sweet brother and Dean and Cas are dysfunctional but they work so well despite all the trauma they have endured. Word count: 126,611. Explicit

Bonus: Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Well, I don’t think this fic needs any introductions. This is the fic, the most popular in SPN fandom and one of the most popular ones in the whole ao3. I thought that I could read this, because I don’t generally have many triggers, despite all the warnings. I was a wreck during reading. And I have managed to read it once and I can’t make myself read it again. But it is good and amazingly written. This fic plucks every emotion out of you and does anything it pleases with them. You have been warned. Word count: 97,556. Explicit

(When I wrote this fic rec I also realised I have a serious problem with long fics. Like, most of my favorites are at least 100,000 words. At this point I think I don’t even consider a fic to be slow burn, unless it takes several days to complete the fic. Oops)

#supernatural fic rec #destiel fic rec #supernatural fanfiction #destiel fanfiction #destiel slow burn #supernatural #destiel

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norahastuff · 4 years

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You know, I think a really underrated and particularly relevant episode of Spn we don’t talk about enough is 10x19 The Werther Project. Berens did something very special with that one. Why all of this is relevant post 15x20, I’ll mention at the end, so feel free to skip to that if you don’t want to read the whole thing.

Dean, at this point is suffering from the effects of the Mark of Cain and is afraid he’s not going to be able to control it for much longer. He gets hit by a spell and gets trapped in his subconscious, which for Dean manifests as Purgatory and Benny. Dean’s not under any illusions, he figures out what’s happening and he knows that this isn’t real, and yet the conversation he has with Dream Benny is one of the most illuminating insights into Dean’s mind that we ever get on the show. It shows how remarkably aware Dean has always been.

Dean and Benny keep walking in circles and ending up at the same place. Benny even makes a point to remark

Benny: Well, how about that? A perfect circle. Don’t look at me, chief. You chose the way.

Dean: Benny, whoever you are, I need to get out of here

Benny: “Need” and “Want” are just two different things, ain’t they?

Dean knows there’s a difference. He may use the words interchangeably, but he knows they don’t mean the same thing.

It soon becomes clear what the point of all this is: Benny is a figment Dean has created as the manifestation of his suicidal thoughts. He can’t see a way out, hence Benny appearing to try and seduce him into returning to purgatory, or in other words a place where he felt at peace and pure.

Out there? You’re sleeping. You make the right choice in here, you’ll sleep forever, and you won’t ever hurt anyone ever again. No one needs to know, Dean. What happens in Purgatory stays in Purgatory.

Dean’s tempted. He considers it

I always did love it here. It’s as good a place as any to call it a day, huh?

Until he has a realisation:

I’d do it. If I really had to, I would. But the real Benny, would never let me.

I always found this moment fascinating. Sure Dean looks within himself and realises he doesn’t want to do this, he wants to keep fighting, keep living, but the impetus that snaps him out of his dark state of mind and to this realisation? That his friend, the real Benny, wouldn’t let him do this.

Dean’s always been someone who forged these deep complex connections with other characters. There’s Cas of course, Benny, Charlie, Claire and even Crowley, which was also a very interesting and complicated relationship. These bonds were important to him, they changed him. If there’s any doubt how important, just listen to what dream Benny, who once again is just a manifestation of Dean’s own thoughts, says to him about the worst case scenario that could happen if Dean gives into the mark.

Benny: What., you just wanna wait for the Mark to reclaim you? Go out swinging, die topside, then what? Maybe kill a few humans? Kill Cas? Kill your brother? Yeah, that’s mighty honorable!

Dean: Benny, shut up!

Benny: Oh, I-I’m sorry. I forgot… about your plan. You gonna get Sam and Cas to put you down? You really think that they’re gonna keep that agreement? Come on. Dean, let’s say they do. Do you think they will ever recover from that? It will ruin them.

Benny’s not really saying anything here that we don’t know about Sam and Dean’s relationship. Dean is well aware of how important he is to Sam, and how it would break him to have to hurt his older brother, if he could ever bring himself to do that.

What’s interesting (and I don’t think I mentioned it in my “Dean’s thoughts about how Cas feels” post) is that Dean also seems to know how much he matters to Cas. I mean remember earlier in the season when took Cas for lunch? Cas saw right through Dean’s “I’m fine” posturing, after which Dean made Cas promise to kill him if it came down to it. Seems like Dean always knew Cas wouldn’t be able to do it, and that even if he somehow could, it’s not something he could live with afterwards. Turns out Dean was right. Cas didn’t have a plan if he couldn’t convince Dean to stop. He knew after everyone Dean loved was gone, he’d still be there. He would stay with him and “watch him murder the world” but he wouldn’t be able to kill him.

I’ve seen a lot of talk post finale about how the writers never cared, and it was all a waste and people were reading into things etc and I have two points to make on that

a) an incoherent ending doesn’t suddenly erase the hundreds of episodes of content that came before it. If themes, stories, character traits/personalities were consistently shown a certain way throughout the course of the show, that’s not all now worthless just because the finale didn’t live up to what it should have been.

b) Spn more than any other show has an interesting kind of writers room. The writers had very distinct individual voices, and were given a lot of free reign on how they presented their stories and the themes they focused on. I mean on no other show I watch do I know the names of all the individual writers and can pinpoint when I’m watching one of their episodes just from the way the characters are presented. You know when it’s an Edlund episode. You can tell when it’s a Yockey episode.

Same with Berens. You can chart all of Bobo’s episodes from beginning to end (9x06 - 15x18) and see how consistent he is with how he writes these characters and envisions their story. How important Dean is to Cas and vice versa? He repeatedly emphasises it. Dean’s state of mind and his sense of self awareness? He’s fantastic at that. See all of the above, not to mention he wrote that wonderful speech that Dean gives to Mary in her head in 12x22, where he talks about how he had to be a mother and a father to Sam.

And last but not least, he’s always made sure to highlight the connections that Sam and Dean have, especially Dean. That stayed true almost up until the end. And God yes I’m so frustrated that all this work, all this beautiful storytelling didn’t seem to factor into the finale at all, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. Journey, not destination and all that.

I’m not writing off years of intricate character work that has led me to love these characters and stories so much. There’s too much good here.

#berens for the win #spn meta #destiel #dean r.m.h.f. winchester #my spn thoughts #10x19 #spn writers #long post for ts #15x20 #spn s15 spoilers

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inthiswhisper · 4 years

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parallels between dean/cas + andrea/benny...

the andrea / benny storyline came out of nowhere for me, but i enjoyed every second because it was beautiful and it paralleled cas and dean’s relationship. also, bless ben edlund.

after reuniting and on the way to benny’s old vampire nest, benny began to tell dean about his nest father, the vampire who turned him—

benny: your maker, he means everything to you. you start believing he’s god. our father kept the family together, but kept us apart from the rest of the world.

—which, of course, reminded me of dean’s relationship with j-hn. though they’ve dwindled, there have been a number of j-hn and god parallels. dean worshipped him even though j-hn kept dean and (somewhat) sam from functioning properly in the real word. dean inevitably always did what was best for his family because of this, like benny—

benny: i always did what was best for the nest… ‘til i met her. andrea kormos. beautiful. i mean, words don’t even cut it, you know? i should have called her boat’s destination into my crew, but instead i joined her on it. my life changed when she entered it, dean. everything i had been or done up to that point just… seemed to vanish into what we had become together. we found it, man. [but] one night, the old man — he was just there. that night i understood what a crime it was to him, me leaving him.

—whose nest depended on luring in boats to feed on the passengers, but benny chose not only to save her, but to run away with her to lousiana. it was during this piece of dialogue that i realized benny doesn’t just parallel dean — he parallels cas. his father is actually god and cas always did what was best for heaven. god kept the angels on the outskirts of earth, never to interfere with humanity, but cas essentially abandoned his garrison to follow dean, who parallels andrea. the still beautiful still dean winchester human who changed everything.

so, like benny, cas did the opposite of what he was programmed to do. he fell “in every way imaginable” because of dean. yes, dean’s life changed upon castiel’s entry, but i’d argue cas endured greater change. everything he knew vanished. he remained loyal to dean since, the only exception being his betrayal, but he regretted that choice every step of the way because of how it affected dean.

and then there was this exchange between andrea and benny—

benny: all this is because of me. i’m sorry.

andrea: no, it’s not your fault. you never hid anything from me, benny. i chose you.

benny: why’d you stay with them — with him?

andrea: you remember what it’s like at first. everything resets. life is blood, that’s all. and whoever gives it to you—

benny: i know. it’s complicated. every damn thing is complicated.

andrea: it doesn’t have to be. benny, i can’t kill him. none of us can. but you — you came back from the grave. you’re proof that he’s not all-powerful. that he’s not god.

—which a large part of is still benny as cas and andrea as dean, but the two are so similar that the lines blur. again, though cas betrayed him, dean — like andrea — is quick to forgive and choose cas. cas only did what he did because of his default setting as an angel. everything resets and heaven — his “nest” — is prioritized. andrea’s last line is where cas and dean are similar. they both came back from the dead. they’re both proof god isn’t all-powerful. cas especially is proof of the free will god tries so hard to rid them of. cas to dean, like benny to andrea, is his hope to get out of destiny’s hold.

which brings me to benny and his “god”—

benny: why didn’t you let her die? she meant nothing to you.

vamp: but she meant everything to you. if that’s all i could salvage from my wayward son — the woman he defied his maker for — i wanted someone to remember you by.

—and how dean is castiel’s weakness, but he’s also the man castiel defied his own maker for despite how hard heaven tried to stop him. castiel was lost the moment he laid a hand on dean the way benny was lost the moment he laid eyes on andrea.

then, benny explains to dean why he cares for people despite being a vampire—

benny: i started seeing something in humanity, okay? something that shouldn’t be taken.

—implying that andrea’s humanity sparked his own care for it. he cared about people because of her. andrea gave benny a reason to see value in human life rather than view it as disposable or unfortunate casualties in battle.

and, judging by this exchange with his “god”—

vamp: i’ve been here so, so long, benny. seen all the outcomes, all the patterns, a trillion times. it all means so little. this universe is a pyramid of despair — nothing else. i am evil. i’ve had that much. you never had that, did you? everything had to be thought about. considered.

benny: you know what socrates said about a life unconsidered.

socrates said that a life unconsidered is not worth living. a life lived without forethought or principle is a life vulnerable to chance — so dependent on the choices of others that it is of little real value to the person living it. a life well lived is one which is chosen and directed by the one who lives it.

vamp: yes, but what we have in us? that’s not life. that’s what you still don’t get. that’s why it’s always been so hard for you. this is my story, you gnat. it ends the way i choose. not you.

—andrea also inspired benny to forge his own path. to defy god and to resist his nature. to go against destiny. the vampire’s last comments apply to dean’s own struggle with straying, but also castiel’s. his default settings made it hard for him, like when he became god in 7x01–

cas: i thought the answer was free will. i understand now you need a firm hand. you need a father. i am your father now.

—and believed free will perhaps wasn’t the right choice, feeling remorse for attempting it. but, before that, even fate said cas threw away the script. it wasn’t god’s story anymore, he was making it up as he went. cas struggled to cope with his choices and free will afterwards, but he eventually made up with dean and was willing to follow his lead towards freedom again.

this is where the dean / cas and andrea / benny parallels begin to falter—

benny: what i loved, it ain’t here anymore. it was snuffed out long ago by monsters like me.

—because andrea’s humanity motivated benny, but she no longer had it and wanted benny to continue the life he ran from. however, unlike andrea, dean is still human. he still wants the freedom he encouraged cas to choose. they’re also not picking between two ways of life — hunting vs apple pie, the nest vs louisana. they’re choosing each other regardless of where they end up, essentially forging their own path. benny won’t follow andrea because she’s chosen a life built for her, but cas will always follow dean because he knows dean will always choose the life he wants for himself. if not, cas will at least try to guide him back to that path.

so, after benny and andrea realize they can’t be together, she tries to kill him, but dean saves him just in time by killing her first. when the scene ends, benny brings up this question—

benny: why’d you [resurrect me], dean? you could have drained my soul and no one would have been the wiser.

—to which dean doesn’t respond. instead, we get a flashback to this moment—

—when cas is in danger and dean can’t get to him, so benny jumps in to save him. obviously, this moment implies that dean resurrected benny because benny saved cas, meaning cas’s life is as valuable to dean as his own. maybe even more so. however, what’s even more striking is that, though they’re not considered to be romantic, dean and cas’s bond paralleled a romantic couple’s and then outlived theirs, implying dean and cas’s bond is stronger.

just as benny, without a flinch, watched dean kill andrea in front of his eyes—

—benny saved castiel in front of dean’s. benny watched the love of his life turn on him and then get killed by dean, whereas dean found out the supposedly not love of his life spent a year protecting him and got saved by benny.

let’s take a second to let that settle in — they paralleled a “platonic” couple with a romantic one, then indicated that the “platonic” bond was stronger and more capable of overcoming adversity. you can’t make this stuff up, folks.

but it brings me to my final point — that andrea and benny are also another example of a human and an immortal being falling in love. they wanted to run off together, but it ended in tragedy, just like it did for the mortal woman and the immortal man. neither found happiness because of outside factors, so the immortal being was always making the sacrifice — the immortal man taking his life and benny letting andrea die when she turned. yet another parallel between them and dean / castiel. the difference being others lost each other through grief while cas, in his last moments, felt happiness.

#i've gone feral #also don’t be mistaken #cas shouldn’t have died #tms #dean winchester #andrea kormos #benny lafitte #castiel #destiel #supernatural #spn liveblog #8x05

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holylulusworld · 4 years

Text

Dear John – The road to redemption

Summary: John is out for blood and tries to be a father for your twins at the same time.

Pairing: Mobster!John x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, age gap (the reader is around 30, John 50), mentions of break-up/unrequited feelings, mentions of an abusive relationship/domestic violence (not John), daddy!John, comforting, fluff, Dean being a good big brother, just like Sam

Characters: Benny Lafitte, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

<< Part 1

Part 2/3

Divider by @firefly-graphics

“Look, John jr., I saved you a slice of my favorite pie,” Dean grins when his five-year-old brother’s eyes grow wide. My baby boy nods eagerly, already grasping for the fork to dig it into the pie Dean places in front of him.

I smile, knowing all too well my eldest is a proud big brother who would go to hell and back for his new siblings just like he did for Sam.

“Johnny loves pie,” my baby girl quips, grinning up at Dean. She smiles, knowing the tall guy next to her is her big brother. “Now I got three big brothers – awesome,” in not two days Sofia grew close to Dean and Sam.

“Daddy, do you like pie too?” John jr. asks, earning a chuckle from Dean who looks at me, a cocky grin on his lips. “Do you?”

“I like some once in a while but, unlike Dean, I am not addicted,” nodding thoughtfully my little boy looks at the pie. A grin appears on his face and he looks me straight in the eyes.

“More pie for me and my big brother, daddy,” I laugh, even throw my head back as I haven’t had kids at my house for ages. The kids make me feel like a young man again and I forget for a moment, a douche is after my girl. “What do you like daddy?”

“That’s not for your ears, John jr.,” Y/N enters the kitchen, kisses the top of my son’s head softly as she covers his ears with her hands, Sam immediately covers my daughter’s ears, knowing Y/N will use a bad word.

“He’s more into eating something else,” I can’t hold back the groan leaving my lips at Y/N’s words. She looks at me, something dangerous in her eyes but, I can see the tension left her body. “Not that I would have complained, though.”

Shit, I feel my face heat up. I bet my sons can see I am putty in Y/N’s hands if she wants me. Before I find my voice to give her a snarky comment she turns her attention toward Sofia and John jr. and my heart swells when she switched into ‘mommy modus’.

“And how good you tasted,” I finally find my voice, and Y/N giggles at my words, missing the way I roam her body when she takes the cup of coffee Dean offers to her. “I mean, your pie.” I backpaddle as my sons look at me, pointing toward the kids.

“Dad said you want to sell your parents’ house,” Sam tries to change the topic. “Maybe my girlfriend can help you. She sold her parent's house three years ago.”

“Yeah, we all know your girl is awesome, Sammy,” Dean groans, causing me to roll my eyes. My boys are grown men, but they like to tease each other like kids. “Ruby is smart. Ruby is sexy – blah blah.”

“Son, not now. Ruby is your brother’s girlfriend, stop nagging about the girl. She is part of our family soon enough,” I need to stop my eldest, knowing he doesn’t like Ruby too much.

“Did you forget she got him addicted?” Dean bites back. His hands balled into fists he curses under his breath. “We need months to get him down from that shit and suddenly she’s a saint to everyone but me. I do not trust her one bit.”

“Dean, not that old song again. Ruby and I got addicted and-“ Sam stops in his tracks when Y/N raises one hand.

“Not in front of the kids, Sam. If you and your brother want to fight or talk about adult themes, do it when my children are not around. They went through enough due to my mistake,” she sniffs now. “I need-“ I run after her when Y/N runs out of the room, crying bitterly. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Y/N, you belong to me,” I cup the back of Y/N’s neck to force her to look up at me. I hate to let the dangerous mobster out, but she needs to understand – there is no way I’ll ever let her go. Not now, not ever. “You’re mine,” my lips claim hers, a bit too rough, and honestly a bit clumsily but I can’t help it. I need to feel her lips against mine.

“John,” she pants against my chapped lips, whimpers as I kiss her again to calm her a little. Fuck me, she still tastes like back then. Like strawberries, vanilla, and sin. “John.”

“Sorry, doll,” I breathe against her soft pillows. “I wanted to show more patience but having you here makes me go crazy. I know you can’t forgive me that easily, but you cannot deny you feel it too. The pull, the need to touch me,” I kiss her again, this time slow and gentle. “How about you get ready for the day and we talk later?”

“John, this isn’t a happy reunion or a second chance for love. This is me and my kids running from a violent man who tries to get me back whilst my former lover keeps me hostage at his house to protect me,” Y/N spats. I didn’t believe she will forgive me anytime soon but her words still sting. “I just want to be left alone.”

“I understand you do not trust me but,” I cup her face, not letting her look away, “you are my girl, always were mine. I don’t care about anything else but you and my kids. Trust me, I’ll make that bastard pay for hurting you.”

“I don’t want you to hurt him, John. I just,” she sniffles, tries to hide her tears from me. I always admire Y/N for being strong and stubborn, “Please, I never want to see him again. Tell him to leave me alone.”

“That I can do, doll. I promise he will never hurt you or my children again. But,” I bring Y/N into my arms, not caring she struggles against my strength, “I can’t let you go after. You’re my girl, the one I love. Even if you never let me in again, I want you in my life, Y/N.”

“John, I-“ her voice cracks, and I hold her a bit tighter, let her fist my button-up and take the slap she gives me with all her strength like a man. “You can’t just tell me what to do,” and there she is, the angry stubborn girl I loved to tame.

“You’re still my bad girl,” I muse, pecking Y/N’s forehead. “Please stay here until I handled the situation with James. He seems to be a dangerous man.”

“You are one to talk,” Y/N grins up at me, the fire I loved so much back in her eyes. “John Winchester, head of the Winchester’s empire talks about James being a dangerous man. Your dark aura was one of the things making me fall for you.”

“Oh, you naughty girl,” teasing Y/N is like a hobby to me. “I knew you loved being my hostage a bit too much, dirty girl,” I whisper the last part into her ear. “I will not let anything happen to you or the kids, promised. Benny will stay here with you.”

“John,” Y/N looks up at me with teary eyes. “I don’t think you should kill him. Maybe it’s enough to tell him to stay away from me? You can be scary as shit.” I chuckle at my girl’s words. I know that most people are afraid of me, but oddly, Y/N never was one of them.

“I promise to not kill him if it’s not necessary, Y/N,” I lie, fuck I lie shamelessly but how could I tell Y/N that the moment James laid hands on her he was a dead man. He just doesn’t know he’s dead yet. “How about you and the kids spend the day in the garden? Or do you want Benny to drive you somewhere?”

“I think I’ll just stay here,” I can see the fear return. Y/N’s eyes betray the brave face she puts on for me. “Do you have Netflix? We could watch cartoons or something.”

“I show you the TV later. If you get hungry, tell the cook what you want to eat, doll,” I smirk when Y/N tells me she’s a good cook. “Baby, you are anything but a good cook. You burned eggs, Y/N.”

“I got better,” she insists, and I kiss her again. Hungrily I invade her mouth, make her moan against me. “Hey, I didn’t mean that kind of cooking.” she scolds me playfully and I feel hope bloom in my chest. “I can make toast, pancakes, and baked a pie for the kids' birthday. Don’t underestimate my talent in the kitchen.”

“Oh-I remember your talent in the kitchen, especially the kitchen counter,” there it is, the nervous giggle. “You were such a good girl.”

“JOHN WINCHESTER,” Y/N punches my chest with her tiny fists. “Don’t say things like that with your kids around. They don’t need to know about all the dirty things you did to me.”

“…and with you,” I smirk when Y/N sighs at my words. “Promise me you’ll be still here when I come back.”

“I will stay as long as he’s out there, John. I don’t want him to get close to my children or me ever again. I am stubborn, not dumb,” I look at Y/N one last time before I decide it’s time to hunt that bastard down.

“I’ll be back in a blink, doll. Benny will help you today,” I peck Y/N’s check, let my lips linger a bit longer than needed. “No one will ever hurt you again.”

“Dean, Sam, Jimmy, I want you to come with me. Benny, you’ll stay at the mansion and watch over my girl and the kids. No one will enter the house without your permission. James Milster is out there, and we need to get hold of him,” close, so fucking close to losing control I look at my eldest. Dean, the one always following my orders places one hand onto my shoulder, nodding silently.

“We will get him, Sir,” Dean looks at his brother, unsure if Sam will follow my plan or not. “Right, Sam.”

“Y/N and her children will be safe after today,” Sam gives me a curt nod. He’s the smartest and most caring man I ever had the honor to meet.

I’m not saying Dean is not a good or smart man too. My eldest is a strong-headed, strong and caring man, but Sam, Sammy is different. I don’t know how he does it but around him, people feel comfortable, even though, he’s a giant.

“I need to make sure Y/N and my children are safe. John jr. and Sofia Rose are your siblings and it’s your duty, just like mine, to protect them at all cost. That man lived long enough after he hurt my girl. He’s out of luck now,” I pat my gun, giving my men a curt nod before we leave the mansion.

“Mommy, when will daddy be back?” Sofia Rose watches her brother pace around the living room. He couldn’t concentrate on the cartoons he wanted to watch, too busy to wait for John to come back. “Will he hurt James?”

“John,” I sigh, not knowing how to explain to my five-year-old son that his father will probably kill my ex-fiancé. “Your dad wants to talk to James, okay. Do you remember what I said the day we left his house?”

“That we don’t have to see him again and that daddy will protect us,” Sofia Rose steps closer to her brother, grasps his hand as she can see the worry on his features.

“Mommy, can we wait for daddy to come back? I want to see him before we go to sleep,” my daughter asks, knowing her big brother is worried about his father. “Please.”

“Of course, sweet pea. We will wait for daddy to come back,” it’s already late but I will not let fear cloud my mind. John knows how to handle any situation so I will wait for him to return and not worry.

I am a terrible liar, am I not?

Look at that bastard. How dare he to call me a lousy father when I aim a fucking gun at his head.

“That’s how you want to play the game?” I smirk when I unlock my gun. “How about we play – Winchester roulette? One bullet, six chambers – your life for my girl.”

His eyes wide James starts to beg for his life and I, well I, enjoy the show. I will not kill him with that gun, but this doesn’t mean I can’t have fun before I end his life as painful as possible.

“What do you say, son? Shall I play a game with James?” Dean sits onto the chair opposite James, shrugging. He doesn’t need to say a word, I can see it in my eldest eyes; he wants to rip James apart for hurting Y/N and scaring his siblings.

“Do as you wish, Sir,” Sam is the one opening the bag I brought with me to reveal all the nice toys to torture someone who really pissed me off. “Shall we begin, dad?”

“Please, I-“ James chokes on his words, wets his pants as he begs for his life but unlike other men – I know no mercy…

>> Part 3

Tags in reblog.

#Dear John – The road to redemption #MOBSTER!AU #mobsterjohn #mobster!john winchester #john winchester #John Winchester fanfiction #john winchester x reader #au john winchester #john winchester one shots #daddy!john #angst #john winchester x you #mobster!john x fem!reader #dean winchester #Sam Winchester

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miggydiaz · 4 years

Note

for the salty ask: 3, 7, 10, 11, 15, 16, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25 and 27 for spn

I had to do this one today because I have a LOT of Supernatural feelings and so a lot of these are even longer than my CK one. But thanks for the ask @wonderwolfballoon!

UNPOPULAR SUPERNATURAL OPINIONS AHOY: INCLUDES ANTI-DESTIEL SENTIMENTS AND OTHER UNSAVORY ELEMENTS

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? 100000000% I have unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion in the SPN fandom. SPN was the fandom that taught me to make JUDICIOUS use of the blocking feature tumblr offers in order to curate my experience. I would actually encourage anyone and everyone to use the blocking feature if they disagree with people. Honestly, we don’t owe anyone our time or energy, especially on the internet! It is much healthier than sending or responding to hate, IMO. 7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?* This is actually a hard one for me to answer, so let me start by saying -- I have not seen a SINGLE episode since 9x05? I think? Whichever episode was the Dr. Deanlittle one where he talks to animals. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first 5 seasons, and they are all I watch anymore and I pretend nothing else exists after that (except The French Mistake because that episode is hilarious). But uh... I guess the simple answer is when I was originally watching it, I really loved Dean. He was brash, snarky, rough around the edges... but kind of soft in a I’m too toxically masculine to deal with my softness sort of way that I love seeing characters grow out of as they mature. But when I go back and rewatch now, much older than I was in 2006 when I first started watching, I see how awful a lot of his older behavior truly was. I still love Dean, and I will be a Dean girl until I die probably, but sometimes you gotta remind yourself that your faves have been problematic in the past so you don’t put them up on fandom constructed pedestals.

10. Most disliked arc? Why? AND AS A BONUS, MY ANSWER to 11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? I could write a literal essay about all of the problems I have with the later seasons (the ones I watched, which encompasses 6, 7, 8, and a few episodes of 9). But by far and away, the thing I hated most, was the Men of Letters.

Okay, this is where I am going to recognize my love of certain characters is at FUNDAMENTAL ODDS with how that character develops later and what history and background we get later on them. I RECOGNIZE this character is problematic, and I would NEVER STAND for his shit IRL, but fiction is complicated and nuanced, and fantastic circumstances do not make for normal behaviors. That being said, with all warnings I could possibly give, and with the full understanding that what I am about to say is basically fandom blasphemy of the highest order...

I like John Winchester’s character.

I know, I know. If you wanna stop reading and block me now, you are free to do that. I will not hold it against you. I am not about to apologize for anything he has done. I just need to contextualize why I have such an issue with the MOL storyline and it starts with the simple fact that I liked John Winchester as he was originally presented.

To me, and with the full understanding that I am answering this from the perspective of someone who DOES NOT regard anything past season 5 as personal canon, John Winchester is the perfect example of a truly complicated character. Here’s a parent who, if we take the pilot and the original s2 Djinn episodes at face value, could have been a great parent, who then got shoved into a fantastically impossible situation and made terrible choices that he thought were necessary in order to keep himself and his sons safe. That does not EXCUSE the heaps of abuse that he piled onto Dean in any way. We know John and Mary didn’t have a great marriage. But we also know from the pilot that John was at least a caring and present father, mostly, for the 4 years he got to parent in a normal world, and that if Mary had lived, John would’ve been a softball playing dad who raised his kids and had a loving marriage with his wife. (Again, I need to reiterate, I did not watch anything past the early episodes of s9. If there is later canon that negates this, I do not know about it, nor do I want to because I don’t think of anything past 5 as canon) This is all important to me because these things emphasize that John was “NORMAL”. He was a mechanic, from a family of mechanics, whose father didn’t bail on him (a man in the episode where Dean is transported back in time to Lawrence tells John to ‘say hi to your old man for me’ or something to that effect). He was just a midwestern dude. Giving John Winchester a fantastical background through this Men of Letters bullshit made me SO MAD. First of all, I hate when later canon negates previous canon. I cannon TELL you how much I hate it. And the later seasons of Supernatural are riddled with stuff that doesn’t make any damn sense in the context of original, Kripke written canon, which is exactly why I stopped watching. That’s not ~Evolution of the show.~ That’s conveniently forgetting stuff that made your show and its premise so successful to begin with in order to keep filming episodes so you can keep making money. It’s the sacrifice of art for capitalism and yes I know this is a stupid TV show but as a writer myself it PISSES ME OFF.

/rant

ALSO, the idea that this toxically masculine family was set on this path by Heaven, and inherited this curse that put them on this path from their mother was such a good plot twist in its heyday. We spent four seasons thinking of Mary Winchester as a victim of circumstance, whose fate could not have been avoided because she was the mother to Sam, who is effectively cursed. And then, we learn that its BECAUSE of Mary that this ball even got rolling in the first place. IDK if you were around for that time in the fandom but at least in my circle, this was a big fucking deal. There had been so much (rightful) discourse about John before this, and what kind of parent he was, that Mary became almost deified in the same way Dean deifies her. And then we find out that this whole story gets set in motion by a decision she made because this was the life she found herself in. This was great. It was interesting. And even though the MOL doesn’t negate any of this, it does give John this weirdly fantastical that isn’t necessary. Let this guy be just some Joe Schmoe who fell in love with a kick ass hunter and had no idea any of this even existed. Let Mary and her want to be ‘normal’ be a complicated moral choice that fundamentally altered the paths of her husband and sons. It’s good tv!

Also, I fucking hate the bunker. The best episodes are Dean and Sam having moments in the car, or while in motel rooms on their cases, or whatever. I don’t mind them having a home base. I’m fine with that. But if a building could ever be a Mary Sue character, the bunker is it. I hate all of the MOL storyline, starting with this place.

I may not even tag this as Supernatural, I don’t need angry later season stans in my inbox.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

There’s nothing good about anything that happened after season 6. It’s all a bunch of retconning bullshit. Season 6 had its moments where it was interesting, so I cut it a little bit of slack, but as far as I’m concerned, the show ended in season 5. I’m not sure that’s necessarily unpopular, but it does feel that way on tumblr, so.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

Aside from ending it in season 5?

Oooh, I’m about to blaspheme again. I am definitely not tagging this as Supernatural.

I would never have introduced Castiel, and I would’ve given that entire storyline to Anna. Or, alternatively, I would’ve flipped their story lines.

Look, for whatever it’s worth... I agree with the idea that Dean Winchester is a repressed bisexual. His Dr. Sexy love, the entire storyline with Benny in season 8, etc. I just don’t think he feels romantically about Castiel. And like, that’s okay! Just because you’re not into someone who is into you doesn’t mean you owe them a relationship or anything, no matter what the fandom thinks.

But I also think Dean has a big problem when it comes to women. Again, obviously later on in the series, Dean shifts and Charlie happens and Claire Novak and I know all of these things from gifs okay, context is not applicable here because I have none. But early on, Dean struggles A LOT with thinking of women as A) capable and B) trustworthy. He exists in a perpetual state of identifying women along the Madonna/Whore binary. Even Jo, however you feel about her, and to be clear, I loved Jo, but he doesn’t stop thinking of her really as a kid until they’re about to shoot the devil. Up until then, he’s genuinely surprised Ellen lets her out of the damn house.

Giving him a strong, capable woman who rebels against Heaven for HIM would have fundamentally altered Dean’s perceptions of women much earlier on than we get and would have forced him to examine some of that misogyny head on.

Dean has no problems trusting men. This is why the entire Gordon fiasco happens, right? It was less work for him to trust Castiel because Castiel is the inverse of Ruby. Angel to her Demon. Angels and demons don’t really have genders, but for the sake of presentation of vessels, man to her woman. Not even getting me started on the problematic parts of having significant demons mostly symbolized by women (Meg, Ruby, Lilith) and having significant angels mostly represented by Men (Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, Zachariah, Gabriel, Raphael), and how that ties into the idea of Original Sin and yada yada, but just like it’s interesting to have Mary and her decisions be the catalyst for the story, it’s interesting to have this badass warrior angel in Anna who marches down to Hell to yank Dean out, and through her interactions with him, decide to rebel against the ultimate patriarchy, while Dean gets an equally strong female counterpart to Sam’s Ruby, a woman for all intents and purposes that he respects as a soldier and an ally and not just a potential piece of ass.

Also, Castiel fans being literally unbearable is why I left the fandom. Nothing against Misha or anything, and not even anything against Cas as a character (who I very much enjoyed in seasons 4 and 5), but his fans have always been the worst and they try to insert him into everything.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Castiel/Destiel fans, which even though I also hated the direction the show was going, drove me out of the fandom. Not like, personally or directly, but just the sheer mental hoops they had to jump through in order to make their ship work and I just got tired of seeing all of the contrived meta on my dash. Oh, and the rampant misogyny that came out of those early Castiel fans. I didn’t appreciate it from the Wincest corner, and I definitely didn’t appreciate it from the fans of the new guy. Gross.

22. Popular character you hate?

Oof. I don’t know. I don’t really hate Castiel, because again, I liked him a lot in seasons 4 and 5. Even 6 was interesting, even if I don’t regard it as my own personal show canon. I don’t think there was a popular character in those first five seasons I ever really hated. I didn’t fundamentally hate a character at all until the MOL stuff came around. Um. Yeah, I don’t really have an answer for this.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Pretty much every female character ever. Jo, Ellen, Ruby, Meg... although Meg became more popular as the series went on, Anna. Um. OH, BELA. Bela ESPECIALLY, I recently rewatched season 3 and I cannot emphasize how MUCH I love Bela. She was the best purely human foil ever. Bela is hands down the character I love most that the fandom had frothing at the mouth hatred for. It doesn’t help that I legitimately think Lauren Cohan is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. But seriously, Bela. Hands down.

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

I have! Many of times, and ALWAYS WITH THE CAVEAT to stop at the end of season 5. Not a single one of them has listened to me and almost all of them came to me at the end of the finale and were like WHY DID I WASTE SO MUCH TIME, and I don’t want to say I told them so, but like, I explicitly in neon colored text once told them so, so like, idk what to tell them. But yes! I think if someone is interested in some classic mystery television that has an overarching theme of family and forgiveness and striking out against the boxes that life tries to put us all into, SPN is a great show. But only the first 5 seasons. Also, be prepared for some thematically problematic parts of the show because there’s a lot of cishet toxic masculinity in those early seasons, and we should examine our media critically. There’s also a lot of good though too, and IMO, the good outweighs the bad.

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

I would’ve ended it at season 5. I would’ve had Sam escape the pit and seen him standing under the street lamp, but then I would’ve had him walking away to leave Dean with Lisa (btw, side note, I DIDN’T like Lisa because I don’t think Dean would ever be truly happy with someone completely outside the life). Not because Sam doesn’t love his brother, but because he *does* love his brother, and because he would want Dean to be happy, even though Dean and Sam’s ideas of what makes the other happy have always been a little bit screwed up.. but that’s a different story.

27. Least shippable character?

Probably Zachariah. God, could you imagine? And... maybe Alastair, but I’m sure there are fics out there that I do not want to think about.

#wonderwolfballoon #I cannot for the sake of my own sanity tag this #I don't need angry SPN fans coming at me #I hope the bold text at the top helps people to understand what's behind the cut

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destieltropecollection · 5 years

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Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 15: Fallen!Cas

The Art of Sleep | @wingsdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1631 Main Tags and Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Human Castiel, Dreams and Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff Summary: Castiel has trouble adjusting to being human, and has a particularly hard time sleeping. Dean helps him with his sleep issues, and if he thinks he's being subtle, he's not.

A Love of All Things That Grow | @rustling-pages Rating: General Word Count: 4909 Main Tags and Warnings: Miscommunication Summary: What Castiel does, after over a year of drama that didn’t give him time to get used to being human, is start a garden.

A New Beginning | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1452 Main Tags and Warnings: s14 canon divergent, angst with a happy ending Summary: After they admit their feelings and share a passionate night together, Dean is heartbroken to find that Cas has left in the middle of the night.

a walk in the park | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1236 Main Tags and Warnings: s12 canon divergent, fluff Summary: Dean and Cas go on a walk. It's a date, but Dean doesn't know it yet.

If Tomorrow Never Comes | @jupiterjames Rating: Explicit Word Count: 97806 Main Tags and Warnings: fallen Castiel, paramedic Dean, graphic depictions of violence, soul bond, hurt/comfort Summary: Doctor Sam Winchester and paramedic Dean Winchester work at one of the USA's most prestigious hospitals for supernatural beings and victims of supernatural occurrences. During an especially busy shift on a full moon night, Dean and his partner, Benny, respond to a dispatch for an injured celestial being. There they meet Castiel, an angel with a broken wing and a story he's not telling anyone about. After all, governmental agreements between Earth and Heaven have kept uninvited angels off of Earth for more than a century. But Castiel has willingly Fallen to Earth in order to stop a Disaster of divine proportions before it happens. And to do that, he needs the help and supernatural connections that the Winchester brothers possess.

Broken Wings | @pherryt Rating: General Word Count: 1627 Main Tags and Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergent, Season 9 divergent, human!Cas, fallen!cas, Hurt!Cas, dean asks him to stay Summary: Sam succeeded - Crowley's cured and the Gates of Hell are closed and somehow he's still alive. It should be cause to celebrate, but all Dean can think of is getting back to the bunker as fast as he can. He's gotta find out if Cas is okay.

I Found | @cr-noble-writes Rating: No Rating Word Count: 1645 Main Tags and Warnings: fluff, angst, song fic Summary: Dean finds himself missing Castiel, and eventually comes to terms with his feelings for Cas only to find him again and wonder if he feels the same.

Worth the Fall | @DesiraeLovesDestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 25138 Main Tags and Warnings: Teacher Dean/Fallen Angel Cas, True love, smut, fluff, humor Summary: The angel Castiel was stationed on Earth to observe, not interact. When he takes it upon himself to intervene in an accident that would have claimed the life of Kindergarten teacher, Dean Winchester, there were consequences. Stripped of most of his powers, Castiel is forced to live as a mortal for one year. But after getting to know the man who led to his fall from grace, the angel soon discovers that he has a choice to make. Return to his post when his punishment is over and never see Dean again, or give up his near immortality to take a chance at a life on Earth with the human he has come to love.

Making love out of nothing at all | @marian-elisa Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 12758 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon divergence, human Castiel, friends to lovers, love confessions, slow burn Summary: A graceless Castiel realized he was in love with Dean. After asking Sam for advice, he decided to tell Dean the truth. From there, things didn't turn out as he would've wanted them to.

A Case of The Grumps | @lemonsorbae Rating: General Word Count: 1073 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Canon Universe Summary: The angel is grumpy.

Home is With You | @thursdays-fallen-angel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6911 Main Tags and Warnings: Fallen!Cas, Alpha!Cas, Omega!Dean Summary: News of Heaven's forced exodus reaches them, but for the most part, it doesn't do more than graze them. They stay in the bunker, and as long as they're there, rumors of angry angels remain just that-rumors. Inside the safety of their bubble, Sam slowly begins to heal, and as Dean fusses over him and nurses him back to health, life returns to normal. An altered sort of normal, sure, but normal nonetheless. And thankfully, Dean keeps busy enough with his brother that most of his other stresses can remain safely on the back-burner. Well. All stresses except for the biggest one.

Endings Are Easy | @mittensmorgul Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1569 Main Tags and Warnings: Episode: s14e10 Nihilism, Coda, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts Summary: They all finally get a happy ending.

His Leather Jacket | @babybluecas Rating: Explicit Word Count: 10549 Main Tags and Warnings: canon divergent, bittersweet ending, first kiss, first time, fallen!cas, biker!cas Summary: Kicked out of the Bunker, Cas left to live his human life on his own. A few weeks later, he and Dean meet again to solve a case together and Dean can barely believe his eyes. Cas in a black, leather jacket, riding a motorcycle - that's a thing Dean's never expected to see, but he's surely not gonna complain.

There's a rule | @flurryflair Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15209 Main Tags and Warnings: Case fic, Explicit sexual content, Alternate Canon, Human Castiel, Road trip, Angst and feelings, Introspection, Denial of feelings, Mild gore, Canon typical violence, Past Dean Winchester/Lisa Braeden Summary: "He can see the sunburn blooming on Cas’s nose, the messy stubble covering his cheeks, the wet dip right above his lips, his eyes, blue and clear and staring at Dean with a longing that feels like it’s primal and raw and everlasting. And Dean wants to have him, wants to keep this, all of it, but he can’t say it. He doesn’t know how to love him in daylight, doesn’t know how to love him honest." ---- Sequel to "There's a nail", where they take the road trip and try to figure it out.

A Few of My Favorite Things | @zenmuppet Rating: Mature Word Count: 1764 Main Tags and Warnings: established relationship, blowjobs, smut, fluff Summary: Castiel has been human for seven months now, and he has found it increasingly annoying. The endless “maintenance” his body requires is his primary complaint, but he also resents the tedium of being polite, the physical weakness of the human body, and the extreme limitations of his five senses. There are a few tangible things, however, that Cas has found make his humanity bearable. These things make him happy, and he will indulge in them at every opportunity. These things are, in no particular order, coffee, cheeseburgers, driving a car, hot showers, blowjobs, kittens, and day spas.

Just a Sniffle | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 2027 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Schmoop, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Sick Castiel, Human Castiel, Affectionate Dean, Foot Massage, Light Petting, Sharing a Bed, Castiel and Dean Watch Television, Dean Watches Castiel Sleep, Sam Knows Summary: Cas is feeling under the weather. Dean skips a hunt to offer some gentle care – which apparently includes foot rubs.

Hold Your Breath | @anupalya Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2462 Main Tags and Warnings: POV Castiel, Human Castiel, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Light Angst, Father Figures Summary: Castiel has the hiccups.

indisputably human | d_e_marcus (AO3) Rating: Mature Word Count: 5659 Main Tags and Warnings: Fallen Angel Castiel; Sad Castiel; Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Castiel Learns to be Human; Depression; References to Depression; Anxiety; Happy Ending Summary: When Castiel’s grace was stripped away, leaving him shockingly, indisputably human, the overwhelming number of sensations that flooded his body brought him to his knees. Or, the one where Castiel loses his grace, becomes human and is Bad at Feelings.™

I've Got The Scars From Tomorrow | @babybluecas Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3404 Main Tags and Warnings: canon divergent, fallen!cas, first kiss, fluff and angst Summary: A slight change in Cas’s appearance triggers Dean’s memories of his short trip to the year 2014. Luckily, it’s nothing that can’t be dealt with, with a right amount of shaving cream and a razor. Cas is stubborn, Dean has a story to tell and they both learn something important.

Fall & Rise (WIP) | @blazeeblake Rating: Mature Word Count: 67714 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Canon, Fallen Castiel, Dark Castiel, Mary Lives, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Canonical Character Death, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: During the war in Heaven, Castiel falls to earth and ultimately joins Lucifer as a Prince of Hell. Centuries later, he finds himself reluctantly ruling Hell in Lucifer’s stead, embittered by both his circumstances and the decisions that brought him there. But when a plan to to reignite the war surfaces, Castiel is launched into a battle of a different kind, one that pits him against those he once commanded and has him protecting the very beings whose existence led to his exile. On the night of November 2nd, 1983, Castiel’s interference in Hell’s plan brings him in contact with Winchester family, and from that day forward, as they struggle through the repercussions of circumstances that irrevocably change and bind them, they are each of them forced to reexamine their understanding of their place in the world, what they are willing to fight for, and who they truly are.

Your Story Isn't Over Yet | jscribbles (AO3) Rating: Mature Word Count: 75443 Main Tags and Warnings: sam's POV, sex swap, temporary female Cas, pregnant cas, grace baby, mentions of losing a baby, pregnancy, morning sickness, temporary character death, canon divergent, angst, grief, human Cas Summary: One morning, Castiel wakes up suddenly very lady-shaped, and Team Free Will discover that a nephilim grows inside him. Sam has no idea how this could have happened considering Cas was supposed to be human, and Dean seems uninterested in finding out how or why their friend is pregnant and female - but he seems goddamn excited. Castiel retreats into himself, seemingly more depressed than usual. Sam is determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, though the others seem reluctant to discover the origin of the nephilim. Could the answer be right under his nose?

#destiel #writersofdestiel #destielfanficnet #deancasfanficnet #destiel fanfic #tropes #destiel trope collection #fallen!cas #fallen cas

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thewondersofsmut · 5 years

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Let’s Pretend – Part Three

Summary: A story based on To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

Pairings: AU!Dean x Reader

Warnings: language, fake bf Dean, angst

Author’s Note: Posting this since it’s my birthday! Hurt feelings are never good! Feedback is appreciated!

Part One Part Two Part Four

Dean’s POV

“That was your chance to get back with her.” (Y/n) said. “And what? Humiliate you? I didn’t like what she said about you and I don’t want you to get hurt.” I replied. “Why, none of this real.” I stopped my tracks and let go of her hand.

“You’re right.”

What (y/n) said stung. I walked towards my car. “Dean.” She called for me. I turned to look at her. “What’s wrong? That was our plan.” She said. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. “Get in.” I said, motioning to my car. I drove in silence and I watched her. It wasn’t hard to like her, let alone fall for her. And after seeing the how she was hurt by Gabriel and how Lisa treats her, I think I’m making a better choice.

I parked and we headed inside the diner. “Why did you and Gabriel break up?” I asked. She sighed. “I think I deserve to know.” I added. “He cheated on me.” She flatly said. “I’m sorry.” I kind of regret asking now. She chuckled. “I was stupid to think that someone like him would actually like someone like me.” She said. “I do.” I said, truthfully. She smiled. “Spare me the pity.” She said, about to stand up.

“(Y/n).” I said, holding her hand. “What you said awhile ago.” She looked at me. I sighed, it was now or never. “Hurt so much more than when Lisa broke up with me.” Her eyes softened. “And this –whatever we have, didn’t feel fake at all.” I said. “You don’t mean that.” She silently said. I held her hand, chuckling. “But I do.” “I don’t want to get hurt anymore, not like this, Dean, I’m done joking around.” She said. “And I will never.” I replied. “Give me a chance to show you that what I’m feeling, isn’t fake.” She looked at me. “Please?” I almost begged. She sighed and nodded.

I’ve been in intense training for two weeks now and the day finally came and I know (y/n)’s on the same boat too, being a cheerleader and all. As I was training, I looked over towards the other field. (Y/n) was with Jo and I can clearly see the glares that Lisa threw her way. She’s got to stop it and I will do something about it. Ever since I got with (y/n), she has texted me nonstop. I was about to make my way to talk to Lisa to formally end this our ‘relationship’ when I heard gasps.

I looked up and saw (y/n) on the ground. I ran for it but was beat by Gabriel. I furrowed my eyebrows, frowning. “Please, let me go and stop touching me.” I heard (y/n) say. “I’m trying to help you.” Gabriel replied. I then looked at Lisa, who was smirking. “Hey, let go of my girlfriend.” I roared. Lisa’s smirk went away.

“Like you ever cared for her.” Gabriel said and I clenched my fist. “I do.” I said through gritted teeth. Gabriel swatted my arm away, pushing me across my chest. I took a swing and a collection of gasps were heard. I punched him on his face and he punched me back. “Stop! Dean, please!” I heard (y/n) say. “You hurt her and you never deserve anyone, especially (y/n).” I said. I then felt someone pull me off of him and I looked over at Archie, our captain. “Enough.” He said. “Arch, get your boys away from my girls.” Cheryl said. “Oh, and Lisa, you’re out of team, I saw you sabotage (y/n)’s routine.” Cheryl said, glaring at Lisa who’s eyes widened.

I saw Jo and some others help (y/n) and I looked at her, meeting her gaze. If it weren’t for her, I would’ve beaten Gabriel up.

I came home with a bruise around my face. It would be so hard to explain this to my dad. I then heard knocks on the door. I sighed and stood up to open it. (Y/n) had a small smile, lifting up some pie. I opened the door wider and we went to the kitchen. “Where’s Sam?” She asked. “In his room.” I replied. “How are you?” She asked. “In pain.” She grabbed the ice pack and slowly brought it to my cheek. I hissed at the pain and she flinched. “Sorry.” I mumbled.

“Why did you do it?” She asked. “Because of you.” I replied and I could faintly see her cheeks heat up. “Dean, you could’ve ruined your chances to play.” She added. “I don’t care. I wanted to make sure you’re okay and I want to make it was clear to him that he needs to get lost.” I said, cupping her cheek. “And Lisa, she was the reason you almost got injured and I’m glad she got punished for it.” I added, scoffing.

I leaned up to her face, she closed her eyes as our lips touched. Every time we kissed felt different, first it was just a peck, then I felt something, and now, it was as if it should’ve been like this all along. We played with our own feelings. I cupped her cheek, pulling her closer. I rested my forehead against her as we pulled away. “(Y/n), let’s end this fake relationship, and will you finally be my girlfriend?” I whispered, looking deeply into her eyes.

She smiled, the corners of her eyes watering. “Yes, Dean Winchester. I will.”

I leaned up again, pecking her lips. We then heard someone clear their throat. I pulled away fast and dad stood there. (Y/n) hoped off the counter and dusted herself. “Good evening, Mr. Winchester.” She said. He raised his eyebrows but mostly to me, I knew he was looking right at my black eye. She cleared her throat. “It was because me, I apologize. Gabriel did not want to let go of me.” She started. He gave a concerned look. “It all okay sir,” “Call me John.” Dad said. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Year end Ski Trip!” I chuckled as Benny was all up about it. “You are going right, babe?” I asked (y/n). She looked at me, puzzled. “Uh, I don’t ski and I’m not that good in the cold.” She said, chuckling as she shook her head. “The ski trip is where all couples are mandatory to go.” Jo said. “But that’s not for me.” She said and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, (y/n), it’ll be fun, I promise, I’ll teach you how to ski?” I offered. “Pretty please.” Jo begged. If Jo was going and I knew (y/n) would go. “Ugh, alright then!” She answered, giving up on our antics.

Lisa passed by our table and stopped in front of me. “You’re going to the ski trip right, it was our thing.” She said. I looked at (y/n) then to her. “There’s no us, Lisa, and there will never be.” I said, pulling (y/n) towards my side. She scoffed. “(Y/n) will never please you like I did.” She said. (Y/n) raised her eyebrows. “You honestly think you’re better than me?” (Y/n) said. “Oh, please, watch me, Braeden, you’ll hear my name across the resort.” She added, leaning up to whisper-yell at her, receiving cheers from my friends and Jo who giggled. (Y/n) can be feisty when she wants to. Lisa huffed and left.

I leaned closer to her. “Is that a promise or a threat?” I whispered, feeling her shudder against me. She looked at me with pure determination on her face. “Oh, babe. You gotta wait and see.”

Taglist:

@miss-kristendior @andkatiethings @kpoplover1306xdepressedgirl315 @sallyp-53 @ilovefanfic86 @deviljoonie @incorrect-quoted @malindacath @aunty-peggy @adoptdontshoppets @brindz30 @myloveofdean @tftumblin @super-megstiel @curlyhairedblueeyedangel

#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #au!dean #au!dean x reader #au!dean winchester #au!dean winchester x reader #dean fanfic #dean fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #au!dean fanfic #au!dean fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

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pizzarollpatrol · 6 years

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Fic Rec List #2 10/28/18

If any of the links don’t work, please let me know!. Just wanted to say thank you to all the authors on this list. You and all the effort you put into your fics are very much appreciated 💖

Kiss of Life by @sincerelymlg

Summary: Bucky and the reader go on a mission that quickly takes a turn for the worst.

Flustered by @notimetoblog

Summary: It’s easy to see when Bucky is flustered. His mannerisms are beyond adorable but they might be hiding something more. --- I’m such a hoe for soft!bucky. I loved this fic, its so sweet and endearing.

Quick Stories by @notimetoblog

Summary: Waking up early with Bucky is not always so bad. Bucky x reader.

Marry Me by @buckymorelikefuckmebarnes

Summary: Wedding day. (thats a shitty summary im so sorry) --- You thought this fics was shit but HA you are so wrong because it broke me :) Bucky x Reader

Death Do Us Part by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: For centuries, the God of Death had known two things about mortals. One, they were his job, his to collect when their days came to an end, and two, they were obnoxiously odd beings. Their purpose ceased to make sense to him. Never did he understand thy they created a life for themselves, why they loved, why they love other morals when they knew none of it would last forever. It was nothing but sheer stupidity, but that was until he met you. A mortal unlike any other. A mortal that would make him question everything. A mortal that would teach the God of Death how to live. God of Death!Bucky x Mortal!Reader. Ongoing series --- Wow. Where do I even begin? I absolutely love this series, its so different from others that I’ve read. I loved every chapter.

A Supernatural Marvel by @angelkurenai

Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all. Dean Winchester x Reader, Steve Rodgers x Reader. Ongoing series. --- This is one of my current favorite series!! You really know how to keep us on our toes, I love it!!

Take Me Higher by @buckychrist

Summary: Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle? Bucky x Reader. --- If a fic has a cuddly bucky, sign me the fuck up. I loved this, its so sweet.

Educating Bucky by @buckfics

Virgin 1930′s Bucky x Reader. Smut. --- Holy fuck. This has got to be my absolute favorite smut I’ve literally ever read. I get so happy when it pops up on my dash again. There isn't a damn thing I dont love about this fic. Its so sweet and believable and I just cant stop myself from reading it.

Sincerely, Me by @buckitybarnes

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a quiet fellow when it comes to socializing with you. After one mishap, however, he finds a way to communicate his feelings without speaking so much. You’ve soon come to learn not every relationship has to be verbal to be important. Bucky x Reader. Completed series.

A Week in Boston by @blacktithe7

Summary: It was your first vacation in years. Just one week all by yourself in the big city of Boston. No rules. No expectations. Just a list of places to go and things you wanted to see. That all changed the you run into a certain blue-eyed Boston boy who turned your world upside down. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in just one week? Or is that kind of love just a fairytale? Chris Evens x Reader. Ongoing series.

Stubborn Love by @barnesrogersvstheworld

Prompt: You cant live your life based on “what-ifs”. Steve Roders x Reader. --- This was so intense, I loved every word.

Date Night by @jaamesbbarnes

Summary: Heavily pregnant but very tired, you still insist to go out for your usual date night with your boyfriend. Chris Beck x Reader. --- This is one of the sweetest fics I ever read. I’ve never heard of “stardust” being used as a pet name and I swear my heart exploded when I read it.

Body Guard by @oliverwxod

Summary: Tony Stark is a very rich man and with that came a lot of enemies. After a tragic event Tony decides himself and the people most important to him, especially his daughter, are in danger. He hires personal body guards. Bucky Barnes is assigned to Y/n Stark, the most troublesome, reckless Stark that there is. Bucky x Reader. Body guard!AU. Ongoing series.--- Absolutely loved this series! So many twists and turns!

40 Days by @abaddonwithyall

Summary: Dean and you are already in an established relationship when he tempts you to give up orgasms for Lent. The only catch? Anyone and Everyone is open to trying to get you off. Let the games begin. Dean x Reader. Eventual Sam x reader, Castiel x reader, Gabriel x reader, Crowley x reader, Charlie x reader, Bela x reader, John x reader, Gadreel x reader, Lucifer x reader, Rowena x reader, Benny x reader, Jo x reader etc. Smut. Uncompleted series. (its from 2016, only the last two parts are missing but its all good) --- This is pure filth and its amazing.

Starved by @theonewiththefanfics

Summary: The Reader is a touchy-feely kind of a person and when she joins the Avengers nothing changes. Apart from the fact that Bucky Barnes is so touch starved, he craves for the soft feel of her skin against his and is over the moon when she treats him the same way she treats everybody else. Yet now day she simply stops, and he doesn't know why. Bucky x reader. Smut

You Aren't My Father by @winchesters-favorite-girl

Summary: When Sam shuts the gates of hell, Dean promised that he would take care of Sam’s little girl. However, things didn't go the way anybody suspected. After Dean settles into his apple pie life, he drifts away from his niece, who decided to take her future into her own hands. Uncle!Dean x Niece!Reader. Angst. Completed series. --- Holy crap. This is one of the best fics I've read, I read this series a long, long time ago and I’m still thinking about it.

My Turn by @sis-tafics

Summary: You and Dean are blowing off some steam. Dean x reader. Smut.

Afraid of the Flame by @thosekidswhohuntmonsters

Summary: Bucky learns from a surprising friend that you shouldn't live a life of things unsaid. Bucky x reader.

It’s My Favorite Movie by @notnaturalanahi

Summary: Classice movie challenge. Movie prompt: “Are you not entertained?” Gladiator - 2000. Sam Winchester x reader. Smut

The Pumpkin Carver by @softlybarnes

Summary: Bucky and Y/N prepare for Halloween, when Bucky realizes something. Bucky x reader. --- I love The Florist and The Beekeeper so much, I was so happy to see you wrote another part. I loved it.

Watching by @mrsjohnsmith

Summary: Dean likes to watch. Sam x reader x Voyeur!Dean. Smut

Stepping Sideways by @siren-kitten-his

Summary: She steps sideways between worlds just watching those that live there...until Jefferson catches her eye. Jefferson (OUAT) x Fae!OC Mae. Smut. --- This is the first ever Jefferson fic I’ve read and i loved it!!

Ride by @wayward-and-worn

Summary: Sam and Y/N are in an established relationship. The milestones that had to cross to get this far go without saying. She's never been on top. Sam Winchester x Plus!Reader. Smut

All that Glitters by @moonbeambucky

Summary: Natasha found a sneaky way to get you to reveal your secret relationship. Bucky x reader. Smut. --- I LOVED this, its so clever and hilarious.

The Unimaginable by @moonbeambucky

Summary: As Bucky’s wife and mother of his child, you always worried for him when he was on a mission. This last mission will change your life forever. Bucky x reader. Angst. --- When i read the summary, I thought I had an idea about what was going to happen but it was so much worse. There were so many tears.

My Love, by @emilyevanston

Summary: Steve writes you a letter every time he goes on a mission. They usually arrive after he gets back. Steve x reader.

The Fiancé by @mycapt-ohcapt

Summary: Life takes an unexpected twist when you and Steve Rogers have to pretend to be engaged to cover up your little white lie. Steve x reader. Fake dating!AU. Completed mini series.

I Can’t Swim by @revengingbarnes

Summary: The reader pretends to drown to grab the attention of the hot lifeguard who looks after the beach. Lies don’t last long though, and eventually it backfires. Lifeguard!Bucky x reader. --- I LOVED this, its so cute and sweet. I had this goofy ass smile on my face the whole time I read it.

Sound by @bucky-barfs

Summary: You and Steve have been pining after each other for a while. Both to afraid to make a more, that is until you're stuck in a limo in heavy traffic. Steve x reader. Smut.

Crowded Places by @papi-chulo-bucky

Summary: You have a hard time warming up to Bucky, who constantly rejects you. But one day after his Winter Soldier mode is triggered, it seems there’s more to his brooding and stand off demeanor than he let’s on. Bucky x Reader/Winter Soldier x reader. --- I loved this!!! I’ve never read one like this and it turned out so sweet and weirdly endearing.

Memories and Music by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: When you follow the sound of beautiful music, you find Bucky Barnes in front of the piano, and wonder if your heart might break just a little. Bucky x reader.

Three Shades of a Man by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: It was different every time, what Bucky needed from you to survive himself. It was in these moments you saw the shades behind the mask he work in front of the world. Bucky x reader. Smut. Completed mini series. --- The first chapter was so intense and such a difference compared to chapel three, which I absolutely loved. It was so sweet and relieving to see their relationship like that after reading the first two chapters. I loved it.

Trepidation by @cumonbucky

Summary: Everything your world was right until Bucky’s ex girlfriend came along. Bucky x reader. Completed mini series. --- This was so good, I just had to add it to the list so we can all share a mutual annoyance at how stupid Bucky was in this fic. Like is he really that clueless or is he just that stupid??? Homegirl should of had a smack down with Dot but either way I absolutely loved this fic!

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wincestjel · 5 years

Text

like the gun: chapter 1

fic master post

read it on archive!

words: 1955

next chapter -->

***

“Dean, have you ever considered a service dog?” The question hung in the air, and suddenly Dean’s cold, freezing. A service dog? He wasn’t blind, he wasn’t deaf, he wasn’t missing any limbs. What the hell would he need a dog for?

“It’s a possibility, you know, a service dog for psychiatric disabilities.” It’s as though she read his mind. Wait, did she? Could she?

Nice tits, Dean thought, and when the therapist didn’t react, he relaxed. Fine, okay. She couldn’t read his mind, his thoughts were just predictable. Dean loosened up a little, settled back into the old sofa. It didn’t last long, because soon enough he was shooting up again.

“Listen, lady. You’re, like, the fifth therapist I’ve seen this year. Nobody knows what to do with me. What makes you think you’re any different? What makes you think some-- some mutt will fix me?”

The woman, whose name Dean never bothered to remember because chances were he’d be seeing someone new in a week, smiled. Dean hated it. He wanted to get up and slap that goddamn smile right off her face. He shook his head. A dog? What the hell would a dog do to help? Again, as though reading his thoughts, the therapist spoke up. “I’ve seen it work quite a few times, Dean. There are several ways the dog can help; let you know when your heart rate rises, ground you during times of panic, lead you to a safe place when necessary… the list goes on. I really think you should consider it.” “Yeah, well, you know what? Consider this,” and in a swift movement, Dean was on his feet. He gave her the finger, turned on his heel and left. The door slammed in his wake, the sound breaking through the silence of the waiting room. The waiting room, where Bobby, family-friend-turned-guardian, sat with a magazine opened in his lap. With a sigh, his eyes found Dean and a frown tugged at his lips. “No good?” “No good. Let’s go.

The sun floods in from the window, blindingly bright, and Dean grumbles something to himself. Who the hell left the blinds open? There’s a puff of air blowing on his face every few seconds, and with a groan he turns, buries his face in the mass of fur beside him.

“Colt, wake up. We gotta get Sammy to school,” he says, though there’s no effort made to actually do so. Sam’ll yell when it’s time to go. If it weren’t for his little brother, Dean would likely just spend the morning in bed with his dog, only getting up for walks and games of fetch or tug. He doesn’t care about school; not anymore, not with everything else going on. But he has to care for his little brother who actually has plans, potential.

A few minutes go by and finally, Dean rolls out of bed with a groan. Half asleep, he wanders the room and grabs an outfit off his floor--a flannel, tee-shirt and jeans that are *probably dirty--then heads downstairs with his shepherd at his heels as per usual. Once downstairs he gets started on coffee and feeds his dog, then runs through a few brief training drills with Colt. “Good boy,” he praises, the words a yawn and goddammit, is the coffee seriously still brewing?

“Morning, Dean.” It’s Sam, somehow energetic even at this ungodly hour, somehow awake. Dean’s jealous, if he’s being honest, but he’s even more jealous of the people who don’t have to worry about being awake.

“Morning, Sammy. Sleep okay?”

“Sam. And yeah, just fine. You ready to go?”

“Not goin’ in today.”

“What? Dean, you can’t cut again.”

A sigh, and Dean shakes his head. He doesn’t want to argue, doesn’t want to fight with Sam about this like they had so often before. He looks down at his dog, who’s sitting at his side. “You’re with me, yeah, buddy?”

The dog’s response is a whine, and the look in his eyes… God, it’s almost like he’s begging Dean to go, to be functional. That’s his job anyway, isn’t it? To force Dean into functionality?

“Fine,” a groan, spoken reluctantly. “Okay, okay. Only ‘cause you’re *both giving me those damn puppy-dog eyes, and I can’t say no to that.”

“Really?” A grin spreads across the kid’s face, and his arms are around his older brother in an instant. “I bet it was Colt. It was, wasn’t it? G’boy, Colt.” He ruffles the fur on the dog’s head.

Finally, the damn coffee’s finished and Dean stands, pours two cups and grabs a few cereal bars from the cabinet. “Here, eat.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Sam says with an eye roll, but pauses. Dean stiffens, and suddenly there’s a change in the air of the room. It’s tense, like Dean’s muscles and jaw. “De, I--”

“Don’t. Just-- don’t. Eat.”

The conversation is dropped there, after a little nod from Sam, who grabs the cereal bar and one of the cups like Dean had instructed. He brushes a hand through his hair and takes a small sip, eyes running over Dean’s outfit.

“Didn’t you wear that yesterday?” he asks.

“Probably,” a shrug from Dean. “C’mon, Colt.” And as he walks towards the door, coffee in hand, the dog follows right behind. Dean lets him outside, the dog running around the graveyard of old, busted up cars that is their uncle Bobby’s yard. They stay outside for a little while, until Sam’s at the door shouting for Dean to return. Goddammit, the kid always has to be on time for school, doesn’t he? A whistle, and Colt comes running back, practically skidding to a stop as he sits down in front of Dean.

Dean grins, “atta boy. C’mon.” And together they walk back inside.

A few minutes later, the dog’s vested and both Sam and Dean are ready to go. Dean calls out to Bobby, letting him know they’re leaving, then nods towards the car. And as he slides in, he sighs, resting his hands on the steering wheel.

“Mornin’, baby,” he mumbles, thumb running back and forth, tracing the curves of the wheel.

Sam rolls his eyes and shoves his brother. “If you two want a room, De, I can go.”

“Shut up.”

The rest of the drive is easy, familiar banter between the two. It’s like this every morning, the boys teasing each other and talking. It’s nice, it’s something Dean needs in his life. He and his brother are damn close, and he’d pick watching a movie with Sam over watching one with a friend. But he’ll never tell anybody that, especially not Sam.

Pulling up in front of the school is, as always, absolutely dreadful. He doesn’t want to get out of the car, because as soon as he does he’s stuck. There’s no getting out once he’s in. Or at least, that’s how it feels sometimes.

“You can do it, Dean,” Sam says. His is voice soft, encouraging.

And that’s all Dean needs to get through the day; the encouragement from his baby brother, who looks up to him like nobody else.

“Hey, Winchester!” Dean looks up. It’s a friend, thank God, not some jackass trying to start a fight or piss him off. Benny claps him on the shoulder, and Dean gives him a little smile. He waves Sam off and takes a detour with his friend, meeting up with Charlie somewhere along the way. The three sit and talk and Dean’s happy, even in a good enough mood to let Charlie give Colt a few pats on the head.

Across the way he can see a group of girls staring, talking and it’s nothing Dean isn’t used to. It’s *welcome, in fact. He smiles, lifts a hand and wiggles his fingers in a wave. The girls giggle and blush and whisper amongst themselves, and with his friends’ blessings, Dean walks over.

His arm slides around Lisa Braeden, and he grins down at her. They’ve hooked up a few times, and yeah, maybe Dean has a thing for Lisa and Lisa a thing for Dean, but Dean doesn’t do relationships.

No, Dean does his best to keep people out. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened when he was a kid.

There’s a point where the conversation lulls and then Dean leans in, and their lips press together, his hands finding her waist. He can’t help it, she’s damn irresistible. And then somehow, they end up in Dean’s car--him and Lisa in the back, Colt laying down in the front. School’s started so the yard is empty, as is the parking lot and-- God, there are lips on Dean’s neck and he can’t think about a damn thing other than that.

But then Colt interrupts. Dean’s heart is racing, and the damn dog can’t always tell the difference between adrenaline and anxiety. He can’t get to Dean because the seat’s in the way so he whines, chin resting on the back of the seat. Lisa pauses, Dean groans.

“I’m okay, Colt,” he says, then combs a bit of hair back from Lisa’s eyes. “Why’d you stop?”

“I don’t like when the dog watches. It’s weird, Dean.”

“He ain’t watching.”

“Look at him! He’s staring right at us.”

Dean sighs, gently nudging Lisa off so he can deal with his dog. He leans over and runs his fingers along Colt’s head. “I’m fine, buddy. Lay down.” And Colt obeys. “Better?”

“I have to get to class, Dean,” Lisa says, leaning in for another kiss. “I’ll see you at that party this weekend though, right?”

“Always. You know me.”

“Good. I’ll see you there.” And she’s gone.

The rest of the day is uneventful; a blur of talking and writing and papers and of course there’s some goddamn freshman who just has to ask him what the dog’s for. But then the second-to-last period comes around, and just as he’s getting ready to leave, he’s stopped.

“Dean, I’d like to speak with you after the bell,” his teacher says, soft enough that Dean’s the only one who can hear. There’s a hand on his shoulder, one that Dean shrugs off.

“But I’m supposed to leave early. I can’t wait until the bell.”

“You can wait until after, I’ll write you a late pass.”

Dean sighs and takes his things back out. Five minutes shouldn’t be such a big deal, but when it comes to the end of the day it just is. He doesn’t go back to work, though. Hell, he never works in this class. He spends the time doodling in the margins of his notebook. It’s more a journal than anything, filled with brief passages about the night where everything went to absolute crap. But Dean won’t call it a journal, he refuses.

When finally the bell rings, the students in the room filter out. But Dean stays where he’s sitting, waits for the teacher to come to him. He’s nervous, and as much as he wants to hide it, a little bump from Colt’s nose tells otherwise.

“What’s up? Can we make this fast? I got places to be,” Dean says, arms crossing over his chest.

“Dean, you’re failing. Horribly.”

“Am I? Great. Can I go?”

“No, Dean. You need this class to graduate, and--” “I’m not graduating.”

“Dean.”

“Yes?”

The teacher sighs. “Dean, do you know Castiel Novak? I’ve spoken with him, and he agreed to tutor you. Here’s his phone number.”

Dean groans, but he takes the number from the teacher and plugs it into his phone. He doesn’t really plan on calling, not without being forced to. Whether that’s going to be by his teacher, or someone else, Dean isn’t sure.

#destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fic #spn #spn fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #hs!au #destiel hs!au #destiel high school!au #LtG

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surflove808 · 7 years

Text

All things “queerbait”, “so gay”, cranky shippers, etc ad infinitum. Here’s my long-ass essay on why I think it’s destructive to this show and fandom mentality in general. Part 1 :D

This is going to be sooo long. Because I am sooo fed up with the bullshit I keep seeing on here. So, I am going to break this into 2 parts. Part 1 deals with the show and its FICTIONAL characters. Part 2 will deal with the actual actors involved in making this show. I'm pissed because what could have just been supposition and discussion among fans took a wrong turn somewhere, and turned into a forum for bullying and scandalizing the actors/show. And seeing that even when they try to have a sense of humor about it, or be ingratiating to the fans about it, it always backfires on them....and ultimately, something that should be harmless (a ship) has become a toxic force of nature.

I'm going to give my 2 cents on the most annoyingly common misconceptions that I've seen being used as more can(n)on fodder because if I post and get this reblogged enough, maybe, just maybe... more people can be exposed to a more balanced interpretation.

My problem is not with the possibility of Dean being gay/bi. My problem is not with Dean and Cas possibly exploring a romantic relationship. Not at all. My problem is with the dedicated and rabid group of people that have gone over the top with their harassment on public forums regarding these characters sexuality, and linking it to the real, live human beings that portray them. Both crossing and blurring lines in a very destructive way, on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, you name it... This show has so many incredible themes and messages regarding friendship, love, loyalty, trust, perseverance and family and THAT'S your takeaway? An unhealthy obsession with Dean's sexual preference??

Dean, by virtue of his looks, charisma and personality, has chemistry with almost EVERYONE. Have you noticed?? The character of Dean is written and portrayed as a naturally charismatic, flirtatious and sensual person. He wholeheartedly dives into anything that he enjoys. Eating, hunting, fucking, drinking. He doesn't seem to really appreciate boundaries or restrictions. So, what's stopping him from exploring his sexuality with men?

As far as I can see, the character of Dean as originally conceptualized and executed brilliantly by his frigging creator, Eric Kripke, was then, as you see him now, many things. But also hetero. He's also accepting, scarred, goofy, resilient, co-dependent, loving, protective, the list goes on and on.

But what he is NOT and has NEVER been written as, is gay or bi. And if you have a problem with that, that’s not a flaw in the program you’re watching. That’s your problem. If he undergoes character development that radically redefines not only how he sees himself, but how the viewer sees him, after 12 years? That's a delicate task that I don't envy the writers having to undertake, considering, the only reason they would do that so late in the game, is because they caved to pressure from the "fandom". And I use quotation marks there because, if you want an iconic character to represent your views? Write them yourself. Create them. But don't try to bully your way into another persons creation. Here's the kicker. Out of 264 episodes that have aired so far, and countless canon instances of Dean being hetero.... here are the handful of examples that certain people have latched onto as gospel:

1. Dean and the Siren, season 4, episode 14, Sex and Violence: I can't tell you how many times I've seen some Jr. detective go "A-HA! Deans siren was a MAN! Therefore, he is GAY!" If you use just a smidge of deductive reasoning and pay attention to the season leading up to this episode, and the description of a siren that was helpfully included in the episode, you could easily and reasonably deduce that because a siren's powers of seduction come from the ability to be ANYTHING to ANYONE and be that persons greatest desire.... that it makes sense for the siren to take the form of a cool, non-judgemental, trustworthy younger brother-type who has the same taste in and love for music that Dean has. Someone he can relate to. A peer.

What do you get the man who can have almost any woman that he wants?

Not a stripper, folks.

And what does Dean really want? At this point, he wants a brother who trusts his experience and instincts. A brother that he can trust. A brother who doesn't feel like a complete stranger. A friend, for fucks sake. It's not implied. It's not a theory. It's literally written and discussed IN THE EPISODE, people. Move on.

2. Dean and Gunnar Lawless, season 11, episode 15, Beyond the Mat: If you know any guys who are into sports or bands, and have never seen them go batshit fanboy over one of their sports or music heroes...then you just haven't spent enough time with them on their turf.

3. Deans "gay thing", season 8, episode 13, Everybody Hates Hitler: If you've never been hit on when you weren't expecting it, especially by someone you weren't expecting it from, I could see why you couldn't comprehend his behavior. If you HAVE, you were probably flustered by it. Probably didn't react as smoothly as you thought you would, amiright? I know I haven’t.

It seemed he was flattered, but didn't know what to do with himself. If he were bi/gay, and attracted to the possibility of a no-strings hookup with a willing and anonymous stranger... a blow-and-go in the mens room, for example... I think Dean could/would have easily pursued it, based on his hit rate thus far. The one area in which he has 100% confidence and zero shame, is sexual conquests. Sam wasn't around. There was nothing holding him back. So, aside from being uncertain of how to extricate himself from an awkward situation, and being flustered, I got nothin’.

4. Dean and Dr. Sexy, season 5, episode 8, Changing Channels: Not much to say here. Dean clearly had a man crush on Dr. Sexy. Would he have boned him if given the chance? Maybe. Maybe not. Ask a guy friend who idolizes Aaron Rogers or Eddie Vedder (for example) if he'd let them stick it in his pooper based on principle alone. Chances are, that guy friend would probably say "Hall pass!" If the situation actually presented itself though? He might just gush over the guy and call it a day. Who knows? WE don't.

5. Dean and Crowley: Again, ask a guy friend if he would share a room and triplets with a buddy if there were no consequences (girlfriend, things getting "weird, etc), and see what he says. The answer may surprise you. Maybe I just know a lot of uninhibited, sexy bastards!

6. Dean and Benny: Brothers in arms who go through intense combat together can and more often than not, DO form close bonds. There was nothing in this friendship that even intimated at these two having any sexual or romantic designs on each other, yet.... people still try to make it work. Bless their hearts.

7. The Big One: Dean and Cas: Dean has had countless opportunities over the years to make a move. And I DO believe he loves Cas, very much. Cas clearly loves and admires Dean. They have been through some serious shit together since day one, that neither Sam nor anyone else can compete with. But some very good advice I heard once, applies here (and this is why the 10-year crush turning into romance in rom-coms is such bullshit): If someone likes you - you WILL know. They will make a move. Or you will. And neither of you will take 10 + years to do it if there are no barriers (significant other). And if a move is made and not reciprocated? It's not because they or you is holding something back. That's just a lie we tell ourselves. SOMEONE is just not interested.

Though I love their dynamic, I'm not a Destiel shipper, but I'm willing to go either way with this one. I will say, I don't by any stretch of the imagination think the writers, actors or directors are 'queerbaiting", though. That's like accusing a crush of leading you on when it was really in your head the whole time. Their chemistry is incredible. But from what I've seen with my eyes, in the actual episodes, his relationship with Cas does not say unrequited love, sexual attraction or romance. However, if I went by the slowed-down, out-of-context gifs that are prevalent on Tumblr, I could see where people get the idea. And because these are two men who love, admire and respect each other and sometimes bicker like an old married couple, I suppose that makes them different than us and our best friends, somehow? This makes me sad, because this is a unique show, in that it deeply explores mens relationships with one another (because they're human beings too), and they just can't do that without a group of immature people giggling behind their backs in the hallways because intimacy is so intimidating that it must be mitigated by making fun of it or spreading nonsensical theories about it. Right?

Small wonder that heteronormative men, as a general rule, have so much social conditioning and shame to wade through when it comes to expressing love and care for their same-sex friends and family. (Yes, men have problems too. Not as many as us, by a long shot. But this is one of them)

You see, menfolk are expected to behave in a manfolk way, and if their behavior isn’t within the traditional and narrowly defined parameters as “hetero male”, they face the perceived stigma that accompanies “coming out”, which involves the very real fears of supposition, persecution, politicizing, backlash, gossip, undermining. etc.

This show has taken many chances. And they’re not afraid to write for and represent LGBTQ characters. But Chuck forbid that emotionally resonant, well-written, vulnerable and emotional male characters exist AND allow them to be straight. Unthinkable! And that snarky, gossipy, “tee-hee” mentality is just what enforces rigid gender roles on men and women in the 1st place. Every post I see that giggles about Cas and Dean being gay for each other because....gifs...just throws us back 50 years. Your words do have meaning, people.

If you want to know what you can do to pave the way for LGBTQ representation in entertainment and the world at large? Take the small step of acknowledging that same sex characters can feel the same range of emotions that you do for your same sex friends. Can have sustained eye contact. Can love one another, and can tenderly care for one another without you sexualizing it, fantasizing about it and policing it. I’m asking you to think about this, because this way of thinking affects everyone. Gay, straight, etc.

Season 1 Sam and Dean: Hetero. Sam in an LTR at beginning, Dean with potential to re-enter his relationship with Cassie.

This show was marketed towards males in the 18-24 demographic, but curiously, more women are interested in these boys and their story. Because they’re allowed to care without judgement. Ahem.

*As seasons go by...* Clearly, judging by the polls and hate mail...neither brother can ever have or sustain a romantic relationship with a woman. EVER again!* And it as been widely acknowledged by the cast and producers that the fans don’t want to see the Winchesters spend too much time with what they deem as a threatening female.

Why do you think Castiel was even allowed to make it this far? Sure, he’s an amazing character. But if it were Anna who dragged Dean from Hell and ultimately stuck around? Yeah, no. That was never gonna happen.

Basically, these fuckers can’t win. If they’re hetero and stay hetero, that’s a bad thing. If their characters do a 180 to please the most vocal (unfortunately) fans - then they’re caving in to pressure.

Either way, I think it's safe to say, us fans are ultimately invested (I hope) in these characters achieving happiness, wherever they find it. And personally, I'll be happy either way. But seeing this hyperbolic, over the top bullshit online that this crew are queerbaiting, etc...and that "If Destiel isn't made canon, I'm gonna do X,Y,Z..." is disgusting to me.

The musings, wishful thinking and conspiracy theories are one thing. And that's perfectly fine. I’ve got nothin but love for fanficiton writers! But drawing parallels and conclusions from some of the flimsiest crumbs available, and using that limited intel to cajole, threaten, bash and attempt to shame the actors, the crew, and the producers who work their asses off to bring us this amazing show, is pretty fucking shitty in my opinion.

These aren't public servants, guys. We're not paying them to make this show. If you want to know how a show on the CW gets funded and made - google it. If you want to know how much of a time crunch/pressure cooker situation the writers are working in, not to mention the entire team in order to produce 23 episodes per season....again, google it. And then tell me how they're able to not only craft compelling episodes and cram so much storyline, exposition, dialogue, character development, arc support, scheduling, casting, art direction, stunt coordination, set design, etc ad infinitum into each and every week, and STILL have time to drop easter eggs, and "queerbait"....

Just. To. Fuck. With. You. And undermine LGBTQ efforts at representation? They are very kind and loyal to their fans. And we DON'T OWN THEM. If you don't like what you're seeing, don't watch. But for fucks sake - do the fandom and yourselves a favor and direct your crusade towards ACTUAL threats to LBGTQ freedoms and rights.

Here's a list of places to lend support (to name a few): Family Equality Council Human Rights Campaign GLAD PFLAG Transgender Law Center Your local congressman, FFS

Rant over. If you made it this far, thank you. I owe you a fruit basket! And feel free to engage, put me on blast if you want. Let's have a discussion. But if you agree with me at all, please reblog this.... just to give some folks another point of view.

Blanket statement for those who are offended and have already called me an “asshole”, etc on their own tags:

1. This is NOT by any stretch of the imagination an anti-shipper or anti-Destiel post. I clearly stated that I don't have a problem with either. And if it happened organically in the show, as opposed to under pressure? More power to them. And I do adore Castiel.

2. This is NOT an anti-LGBTQ post. Again, clearly stated throughout the post.

3. This is NOT and never was anti-headcanon post. We all have headcanons to some degree. And If anyone wants to step up and tell me not to support an organization that's doing good work, just because I sunk their battleship... they can suck it. I also belong to some of these organizations, and I'm pretty sure they're not as invested in your headcanon as you are. And thejabberwock, I still admire your insights and posts, but am bummed that you missed the damn point of mine entirely. Per your request, I have removed your association from the original post.

4. This IS an anti-harassment post, directed at individuals who have taken this ship so far, that they've tainted the word and the concept for almost everyone else with their shitty, pushy behavior. If this describes you? I'm happy to have offended you.

5. This IS an anti-ignorance post, directed at individuals who are presented with facts and reliable data from the writers, the actors and the episodes themselves, yet refuse to acknowledge anything out of their own headcanon. Who insist on "knowing the truth" and using that arrogance to try to *Out* the characters, *Out* the actors and use threats and insults towards anyone who disagrees. If you thought I was talking to you directly, after reading that? I probably was.

6. This IS an anti-misinformation campaign post aimed at clearing up some common misconceptions.

Lastly, reading comprehension is really crucial here. I know it was a lot to read, I apologize for that. But if you're skimming through and picking and choosing something to be offended over, and continuing to feel personally persecuted regardless of whether or not that's the reality... rather than reading and understanding the entire message? Well, there's nothing more I can say or do.

#destiel #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #crowley #supernatural #spnfamily #spnfandom #Jensen Ackles #Misha Collins #fedthefuckup #queerbaiting #fuckingwafflehouseidontcare #wafflehouse?#cockles #imcomingforyounext

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