#but i'm so nice and so hopeful and so trusting and so naive you'd feel so bad saying to my face you don't want me around.

[truthsinwhispers]

.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

So, I'm going to start with the Marvel and Harry Potter fandoms first and then probably come back for more matchups in the future, and romantic please.

So, I'm a straight female, pronouns are she/her, proud Ravenclaw. I'm 5'1, blonde hair, blue eyes, an introvert until I get close to someone than I'm very sarcastic and silly. I like to think I'm pretty good listener and very loyal to my friends and family plus my cat. I have a very serious hand kink when it comes to guys, and I tend to fall for the bad boy who deserves a chance, and I wouldn't be afraid to stand up to him or his family. I tend to be a little naive and too trusting sometimes but I make it a point to never take any crap from anyone. I love classic rock-n-roll music, especially Def Leppard, AC/DC, Van Halen and others like that; favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip and I'm sucker for roses (preferably dark blue ones), stealing a guy's shirt to sleep in and lots of cuddles.

I hope I provided enough information, if not, message me if you need more.

I hope you like your matchups! <333 I'll be here if you ever need more matchups! :) Thank you for requesting! I had a lot of fun writing this <333

---

(Romantic) matchup;

---

Marvel;

Bucky Barnes:

🥃 You were at a small bar, (you weren't normally for them), it wasn't a bad one, not loud or crowded, but open, bright, and even had a few arcade machines and the music was blasting, but playing at a nice level that wasn't going to give you a headache - it was a nice place to go with friends, which were with you; you were just having a good time, tapping your foot to the music that you chose (Def Leppard) that played on the jukebox

🥃 And then he walked in, signalling the bartender and ordering himself a drink - you couldn't seem to look away, until you did, snapping out of your head and getting back into the conversation with your friends; it wasn't until you met the mysterious man again

🥃 However long later, you and Bucky had become a couple, (you were a bit nervous and a bit introverted when you first spoke, but you got used to him, and Bucky got to see the more silly and sarcastic you) - the beginning of your relationship with the man was slow but beautiful and interesting to say the least; it took a great deal of time, but Bucky finally revealed to you most if not all about his past

🥃 You'd often stay home with Bucky, eating your favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream together while watching movies - which would then end in cuddling, your hands playing with his, ending up just talking or just listening to Bucky talk; he loves that you are a good listener, and loved listening to you talk about anything and everything

🥃 Your friends were a bit wary of him in the beginning, when you introduced Bucky to them - they were a bit worried, because of the Winter Soldier times - but you stood up for him, telling them that Bucky was actually a very kind and wonderfully sweet guy, and that he was mind controlled; your friends dropped it, and seemingly got along with him

---

Harry Potter;

Draco Malfoy:

🐍 You knew Draco during Hogwarts, obviously, but as a Ravenclaw, you hardly been around the young man expect for when your house and his mixed during classes - but you didn't get to actually meet him until two years after graduation/the Battle of Hogwarts; and it was then that you saw that behind that mean exterior that he had shown through school, on the inside, he was actually a very misunderstood man (and you realized it even during the battle, you knew because of his family, he was scared that they'd hurt him, friends, or family)

🐍 You met when you were both just out and about, you were out shopping for stuff for your cat, and when you saw Draco, you recognized him immediately, and he remembered you as he walked over (almost nervously as you were feeling), before apologizing; he apologized for anything he had said to you that may have hurt your feelings, you totally forgot about what he said to you back in first year, but he remembered, and you appreciated the apology (he then asked if you wanted to join him for coffee/tea)

🐍 From then on, your little coffee/tea meetups happened more often, almost every weekend - and you got to know the real Draco, that he likes apples, the color red (funnily enough), and reading - you exchanged your interests, your love for dark blue roses, classic rock n' roll, and your beautiful cat child

🐍 Soon enough, those cafe dates ended up traveling to dinner dates (where Draco would take you to the finest restaurants in London), to pic-nics on hills of wildflowers, to movie and music nights at your place - your cat is best friends with Draco at this point - and you also may or may not have stolen almost all of Draco's shirts; he knows where they went, but he's not getting them back any time soon

🐍 So, with his hand in yours, you sit back, showing him your favorite movie series, (along with other fun Muggle stuff - just the two of you, spending time together, having the time of your lives

[dc-and-arfrona]

Sparrow

Jason Todd x GN!Reader

Type: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 700+

Masterlist

Based of this request: Hi, could you write a request where the reader is also a sidekick of Batman, her alias is Sparrow, and she became one a few years before Jason became Robin, so in the story, she's introduced to Jason and they get along well. When Jason dies a few years later, she grieves heavily, since they had begun dating a few years after knowing each other, and they had a close bond. When the Red Hood appears, she's curious about who it could be, and one night, she finds out it's Jason when he calls her by a nickname only Jason would (Thinker, since he thinks she's one of the smartest people he knows). Since the reader missed him, she tries to convince him to come back with her. Small details about the reader: she's a very nice person, and rarely loses her temper. She tends to be optimistic and is gentle, however she's also a very intelligent person and not naive.

--------

You are the Sparrow, one of Batman's trusted sidekicks. You've been patrolling the streets of Gotham for a few years before Jason Todd became Robin, and you both got along well from the start. A few years after that, you started dating and had a close bond. However, everything changed when the Joker killed Jason. You grieved heavily, and it took you a long time to process the loss.

Years later, you're still fighting crime in Gotham, but something strange is happening on the streets. A new vigilante called the Red Hood has appeared, and they're not afraid to take down the criminals in a brutal way. You're determined to find out who this person is, and one night, you finally get a clue.

You're chasing down a group of thugs when you hear a voice behind you. "Hey, Thinker, need any help?" Only one person has ever called you that, and your heart skips a beat. You turn around, and there they are, alive and well. Jason Todd, your former partner and lover, now wearing the Red Hood outfit.

At first, you're confused and angry. How could they come back after all these years without telling anyone, especially Bruce? But as they tell you their story, you start to understand. Jason had been brought back to life by the Lazarus Pit, and they didn't want Batman to know because they were afraid of what he would say. They also made a promise to themselves that they would never put on the Robin costume again.

You still miss Jason, and you can sense that they miss you too. You're both hesitant at first, but you start to talk and catch up. You tell them how much you've missed them and how much they meant to you. They tell you that they still care for you deeply, and that they're sorry for leaving without saying goodbye.

You try to convince them to come back to the Batcave with you, but they refuse. "I can't go back there, not after what happened," they say, their voice full of pain. You understand how they feel, but you can't just let them walk away again.

"Please, Jason. We can help you. You don't have to do this alone," you plead. They look at you, and for a moment, you see a glimmer of hope in their eyes.

"Okay," they say finally. "I'll come with you."

You're relieved, but you know it's not going to be easy. Jason has a lot of healing to do, and they're still angry at Batman for not saving them. But you're determined to help them, no matter what it takes. After all, that's what sidekicks do.

Together, you and Jason make your way back to the Batcave, stepping into the shadows of the familiar underground sanctuary. As you enter, you can't help but notice the somber atmosphere that hangs in the air. Batman stands before you, his stern gaze fixed upon Jason.

"Jason, you're back," Batman says, their voice a mixture of relief and concern. "I've been looking for you."

Jason takes a deep breath, their eyes meeting Batman's. "I'm sorry, Bruce. I should've told you, but I was afraid. Afraid of what you'd say, of how you'd react."

Batman's stern expression softens slightly, and they take a step closer to Jason. "We'll talk later, Jason. Right now, I'm just glad you're safe."

You watch the exchange between the two, a flicker of hope kindling in your heart. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the first step towards healing the wounds that have haunted both Jason and Batman for far too long.

As the days pass, you, Jason, and Batman work together, slowly mending the broken bonds and rebuilding trust. It's not easy, and there are still moments of tension and unresolved issues, but you're determined to help Jason find their way back to the light.

In the process, you discover new allies in the fight against crime. The Sparrow and the Red Hood become a formidable duo, their skills complementing each other as they bring justice to the streets of Gotham. Together, you offer a balance of compassion and tenacity, reminding each other of the importance of staying true to yourselves.

And though the scars of the past may never fully fade, you find solace in the fact that you're no longer alone. With the strength of your bond and the unwavering support of your allies, you face the challenges ahead, ready to rewrite the story of the Red Hood and the Sparrow.

You and Jason walk through the dimly lit streets of Gotham, the weight of the past still lingering in the air. Memories flood your mind, both joyful and painful, as you navigate the path ahead.

"Jason, I never thought I'd see you again," you say softly, breaking the silence. "The pain of losing you was unbearable."

He glances at you, his eyes reflecting a mix of regret and longing. "I never wanted to leave you, Sparrow. But I was broken, consumed by anger and grief. I didn't know how to face anyone, not even myself."

Tears well up in your eyes as you recall the days spent mourning his loss. "I wish you could have trusted me, Jason. We could have faced the darkness together."

He takes your hand in his, his touch warm and comforting. "I'm sorry, Sparrow. I was drowning in my own pain, and I didn't want to burden you with it. But I never stopped thinking about you, about what we had."

You squeeze his hand, offering forgiveness and understanding. "We can't change the past, Jason. But we can shape our future. Let's find a way to heal together, to bring light back into our lives."

He nods, a glimmer of hope rekindling in his eyes. "I want that, Sparrow. I want to find my purpose again, to make a difference without losing myself in the darkness."

As you continue walking, the sound of sirens wails in the distance, a constant reminder of the crime that plagues Gotham. You turn to Jason, determination in your voice. "The Red Hood's methods may be brutal, but underneath it all, I know there's still the compassionate person I fell in love with. We can bring that side back to the surface."

Jason's gaze meets yours, his features softening with gratitude. "Thank you, Sparrow. Thank you for not giving up on me."

Together, you embark on a mission to uncover the truth behind the Red Hood's recent actions. Hours of detective work lead you to a hidden warehouse, where you confront a group of criminals who are under the Red Hood's watchful eye.

As you engage in combat, each move calculated and precise, you catch glimpses of Jason's skills as the Red Hood. The familiarity in his fighting style is undeniable, and it fills you with a mix of awe and worry.

After subduing the criminals, you turn to Jason, catching your breath. "You're still an incredible fighter, Jason. But remember, the ends don't always justify the means. We can make a difference without resorting to excessive violence."

He looks at you, a mixture of gratitude and uncertainty in his eyes. "I'm trying, Sparrow. It's not easy, but I'm willing to learn. To find a better way."

A sense of hope blossoms within you as you realize that Jason is genuinely open to change. Together, you begin training sessions, honing his skills and helping him rediscover his purpose as a force for good in Gotham.

Days turn into weeks, and weeks into months. The bond between you and Jason grows stronger with each passing day. Slowly but surely, the Red Hood's methods start to shift, reflecting a newfound understanding of the importance of mercy and redemption.

One night, as you stand atop a Gotham rooftop, the moon casting its gentle glow upon you, Jason turns to you with a soft smile. "Thank you, Sparrow. Thank you for believing in me and helping me find my way back."

You smile back, your heart filled with joy. "Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey, Jason. Together, we can rewrite our story and create a brighter future."

With renewed purpose and a shared commitment to justice, you and Jason, the Red Hood and the Sparrow, stand as beacons of hope in the dark and unforgiving city of Gotham. United by love and a common goal, you stride forward, ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead, knowing that you'll always have each other's backs.

The night stretches on, filled with the promise of a new dawn. And with every step you take, the legacy of the Sparrow and the Red Hood is rewritten, turning pain into strength and love into an unbreakable bond.

[zealctry]

send a ship and ♪ and I’ll post a mini playlist ( meme ) / @kinslain

i see we're playing in hardmode now, because their relationship is truly undefinable. but here, since you also asked for music recs, I've gone a different route, and this is now a full-blown playlist (you can find here ; listen to it in order or else). it's a bit funny. . . these two are incredibly different, personality-wise, but they have some strange parallels when you stop to think about it. I loved making this.

explanations of song choices & lyrics below the cut.

1. darkside by neoni.   there's parts of me I cannot hide. . .. I've tried and tried a million times. cross my heart and hope to die:  welcome to my darkside! take a step into the havoc, look around. . .. this ain't even the half of it. walking the line between panic and losing my mind. 

present time/Akatsuki timeline. applies to both, imo, and it makes for a nice opening song to the whole playlist.

2.  mad hatter by melanie martinez.   I'm peeling the skin off my face 'cause I really hate being safe! the normals? they make me afraid. the crazies? they make me feel sane.  I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad, the craziest friend that you've ever had. you think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone, tell the psychiatrist something is wrong. ( . . .. )  so what if I'm crazy? the best people are! ( . .. ) &I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone ; that's probably the reason that we get along.

present time/Akatsuki timeline. Hidan pov. I mean, I wouldn't trust him with this, but he does derive great enjoyment from pretending to be a little ( or a lot ) insane around Itachi. ( emphatic gesturing to our current thread. ) he finds the game quite fun. what, don't you pretend to be nuts and stab-happy around people?? hahaha I might stab youuuu: what better way to bond???

3. gasoline by halsey.  are you insane like me? been in pain like me? bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? ( . . . )  and all the people say: you can't wake up, this is not a dream. you're part of a machine, you are not a human being.

timeline sort of jumps between the present and the past, highlighting cause and effect. general pov, but also Hidan pov. pretty self-explanatory, but here's where the parallels start.quite a few songs in this playlist are centered around how life as shinobi shaped them. this is certainly one of them. the last few lines above murder me, especially from a childhood perspective when the realization first hits, as they enter the system.

4. warriors by imagine dragons.   as a child, you would wait and watch from far away, but you always knew that you'll be the one to work while they all play. in youth, you'd lay awake at night and scheme of all the things you that would change . . ..  but it was just a dream.  here we are, don't turn away now.  we are the warriors that built this town.

childhood retrospective. I think it's pretty self-explanatory but just want to highlight the disillusionment and mindfuckery they had to go through with the shinobi system. Itachi's.... is selfevident. but Hidan maybe not so. I'll say it here, baby Hidan was a good bean. he wanted to do right by his village and serve it properly; he had big, naive dreams. then they made him into a weapon and tossed him tothe wayside, erasing his whole sense of purpose. ( but a shinobi is a shino is a shinobi, y'know. . .. )

5. natural by imagine dragons.   that's the price you pay, leave behind your heart and cast it away, just another product of today ( . ..  )  'cause you're a natural. a beating heart of stone. you gotta be so cold to make it in this world. yeah, you're a natural. living your life cutthroat. yeah, you're a natural.

childhood retrospective.  ah yes, speaking of being made into a weapon. the fact that 'oh you're a natural' is being emphasized over and over in this song just kills me. they were children! they were beaten and forged and shaped into this! (especially itachi, oh god.)

6. end of the world by arcando.   and if we're going down, we're going down fighting. . .. like it's the end of the world. sleep when you're dead because we've come too far to waste it. hanging by a thread. time to rise! we cannot break so hold the line.

self-explanatory, just give it a listen~ 

7. in the army now by status quo.  you're in the army now, oh, you're in the army now. you'll be the hero of the neighbourhood . .. ..  nobody knows that you've left for good! ( you're in the army now. )  ( .... ) you've got your orders better shoot on sight, your finger's on the trigger but it don't seem right ( you're in the army now!! )

if i had to choose one song in this whole playlist, this would be IT, for both of them. . . ..  yes, again with the trauma of the shinobi life and the point of no return. just give it a listen. the vibes are frighteningly real.

8. blood / water by grandson.   we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter. what you gonna' do when there's blood in the water...? the price of your greed is your son and your daughter . . .. .what you gona do when there's blood in the water?

general pov regarding the cost and consequences of the shinobi system and their fuckery. the song is too self-explanatory to warrant further blah blah blah on my part, I think.

9. angry too by lola blanc.  I don't know how to be just standing by blankly not getting angry! 'cause another and another coming up out of the gutter 'til I'm drowning in an ocean of entitled motherfuckers. and they're pushing all my buttons  ( ... ) does it get your blood boiling? does it make you see red? do you wanna destroy it? does it get in your head?  'cause it gets my blood boiling, and I'm coming unglued. it would eat you like poison if you knew what I knew. . .. you would be angry too!

present & past timeline, mostly Hidan's pov. you will have to tell me how much this applies to Itachi, but I can tell you that Hidan has a whole lot of built up anger and resentment towards his village, especially he village elders, the hypocrisy and mindgames and bullshit and pain they put him (and others) though for their own personal gain and political games.

10. savages by marina and the diamonds.   I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand. . . .I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of man. is it running in our blood? is it running in our veins? is it running in our genes? Is it in our DNA....? humans aren't gonna behave as we think we always should. yeah, we can be bad as we can be good. ( underneath it all, we're just savages. )

let's throw in a healthy dose of disillusionment with people and humanity, why not.

11. villain of my own story by unlike pluto.  fuck all the people sitting pretty with their sane minds. fuck, think I'm becoming the villain of my story.

and with themselves, how about that? but, of course, Hidan routinely circumvents facing this by dedicating himself to his god. y'know. purpose! doing the right thing. salvation is such a great thing!

12. killer in the mirror by set it off.  now I know.... there's no one I can trust. I used to think there was. tell me that I'm cutthroat, I think you got your eyes closed. feel the fear and swallow back the tears, let weakness disappear.  there's nobody but me here. . .. the killer in the mirror. (  'cause I used to believe in justice . . .. a place where there was better judgment. but now I'm feeling so disgusted. )

if I had to choose a SECOND song. . ..  the disillusionment, the realizations, the brutality of coming face to face with reality versus idealism. the slow murder of the self by others and themselves. I'm fine, you're fine, this is fiiiiine. ahaha. . .. :)

13. 8 legged dreams by unlike pluto.  when I go to sleep at night, eight-legged dreams arise. cobwebs in my eyes. never, never gonna wake up. stuck in a web of lies, paralyzed like a fly . .. . spiders don't sleep at night ( never, never gonna wake up. )

oh. this one... this one,  I will leave to you to interpret as you choose~  but I imagine it applies to both of them.

14. we don't have to dance by andy black.  you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself. I'll break it to you easy: this is hell, this is hell. you're looking and whispering, you think I'm someone else . . . this is hell, yes I am in hell. we don't have to talk, we don't have to dance, we don't have to smile, we don't have to make friends. it's so nice to meet you, let's never meet again! we don't have to talk, we don't have to dance.

present timeline/Akatsuki. both of their perspectives. they don't have to talk, they don't have to dance, okay?? lol. but this is more figurative than literal, about keeping people at arm's length, about them not knowing you beyond a front despite what they might think, about never letting them close enough to form any genuine bond. about bearing the weight of life in silence, by yourself.

15. everything black by unlike pluto.  baby, you should come with me . .. . I'll take you to the dark side. me and you - you and me.  do bad things in the nighttime. baby, you should come with me. and we can kill the lights, hit the lights, let it blackout, blackout.

present timeline/Akatsuki, Hidan's pov. I can practically hear Hidan going 'yeah, let me teach you how to live a little, Red Eyes' at Itachi in this song. but also, given the whole black theme, this is... certainly a little sinister, isn't it. idk, enjoyment in murder? ffs.

16. animal impulses by IAMX.   there's a cold breeze blowing over my soul, shine razor eyes in delight. shine razor eyes before you die, shine razor eyes in this light. there's a cold wind blowing over my soul.

the whole song is a mood due to its melody alone, but especially its sweetly sad melancholy. 

17. anthem by yonaka.  if I told you that you could be anythin' you wanted. . .. would you take those words and make it mean something? ( . .. . ) well, I heard it on the radio that we could be somebody now and we could rule the world.

current timeline/Akatsuki.  if they had any actual friendship points, this is a conversation that Hidan would, in fact, throw at him, albeit likely under a very thick veneer of sarcasm.

18. thoughts & prayers by grandson.  no thoughts and no prayers can bring back what's no longer there. the silent are damned. the body count is on your hands. ( turn off all the lights, nobody make a sound. ashes to ashes. . . . we all... fall... down. )

and we're all damned (all the mistakes, all the irreversible changes spurred on by forced and willing choices. no spinning the clock backwards. this is it, and there is no turning back from all the mess you've made). cue closing curtain.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

21 Elaine💜 no specific response I'm looking for, just a conversation

I often find myself asking the question

"What is my center?" "Who am I?" If I were to meet myself in a different body, would I recognize them or I guess me?

I've never really been quite sure of who I was or how I fit into my own life. As a kid I believed so intensely in magic and friendship and love, I'd watch movies and dream about going on adventures or just being kind. I even use to talk to the oak trees at school because I thought they were lonely like I was. As I grew older though it kind of stopped, or became dormant. That wonder.

I got dragged into life like everyone eventually does: school, family, media trends. Wanting to fit in and at the very least be liked. I wasn't always as kind or understanding or even good as I'd hoped I was and while I do regret those times, the feeling's passed because I recognize I was literally an average middle schooler.

But now I guess I just feel lost. From a young age I became involved in something just horrible where I was manipulated on a sexual, emotional, and really just general level. I'd perform and consider this part of my life as normal albeit "bad", but at the time I equated that "bad" with the same feeling of getting scolded as a child.

"Yes mom I know it's not nice to kick the seat."

And eventually you'd end up kicking the seat again. I wasn't aware of just how dangerous it all was because there was no immediate to reaction of catastrophe when I first did it.

I was around 10 when it started, I'm now an adult and still reeling from it all. As I grew older I made horrible decisions and some that genuinely horrify me. On one hand I can say "I was manipulated and sexually abused for x amount of years and majority of bad things I did were under their influence and threat." But it'd not only be a lie, it'd be downright bullshit. I was smart and capable and I was kind, yet still I allowed myself to play into this world that I knew I had no future in. I made those bad decisions and I hurt those people.

When I tell friends and family that I don't always feel good, it's met with immediate defiance. My own therapist has reassured me that I'm kind and that I am not as bad as I make myself out to seem. But still a part of me can't believe it, I've even asked myself if my therapist is the right person to analyze me because what if they're wrong? That's how unbelievable it seems.

I don't know who I am or where I stand. I just know I want to be good. I want to be kind and trusted and I want to love and recieve it without guilt. But do I deserve to? Will my peace one day break? Will my past come back to my present and future? What will I do?

I still don't really believe I deserve the best that life can offer, I even gave up on my dream right when I had the means to achieve it because I genuinely don't believe I should succeed in a "amazing way."

I've lied, I've stolen and manipulated. I've sold myself and allowed others to abuse me. I've hurt and I've lashed out at. I've been naive and ignorant and so many more. And I'm just scared of not knowing what will happen other than, it will or already did.

I want no career, no fame, nothing of my name in anything. I just want peace, a decent home, and a real true fresh start, to be left alone for the rest of ever. I've even fantasized of erasing myself from the memories of everyone on earth or having a time machine to go back knowing what I do now. But I guess that's the wonder in me that still chooses to believe.

Hi Elaine,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through.

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now, and it's completely understandable to feel lost and unsure of who you are after experiencing such traumatic events. It's important to remember that you are not defined by your past actions or experiences, and that you deserve to have a good life and be happy.

It's also important to recognize that healing and self-discovery is a process, and it may take time to find your center and figure out who you are. It's okay to take things one day at a time and focus on small steps towards healing and self-improvement. It's great that you know you want to be good, kind, and trusted. That's a great starting point for working on yourself and building a better future. Remember that it's never too late to make positive changes and improve your life.

It's understandable to feel scared about the future and what might happen, but it's important to try to focus on the present moment and what you can do to take care of yourself right now. You deserve to have peace and a fresh start, and it's possible to work towards that goal.

If you're struggling with feelings of guilt or self-doubt, it may be helpful to continue working with your therapist or seek out additional support from a mental health professional. They can help you work through these difficult emotions and provide guidance and support as you navigate your healing journey.

Remember, you are not alone, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. You deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life, and with time and effort, you can work towards building the life you want.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[rice-enjoyer]

An invisible cage ; unintentionally of your own making.

I'm loving the sagau stuff a lot, believe me! But since I'm so picky with media, I find it... lacking. Give me a sagau reader who's... not nice. Kindness isn't natural, it's forced. A morally grey god, who hides their true colors. A god, who appears to be benevolent and loving, only to be forcing a smile on their stiff face.

Give me a sagau reader who'd love to connect with the goodie-too-shoes characters, like Amber and Thoma, only to realize that they'd suffocate in the same room as them. Only to realize, that they could only talk to Kaeya and Ayato without judgment. (Bonus points if those lawfully good characters think it's their fault somehow, oh how I'd relish in some self-esteem issues, that is not from the reader towards themselves) Your intentions of hiding all of this is kindness itself. Quite funny. You tell them you could never hate them, but, you can't just tell Klee or Qiqi why you'd prefer to spend time with Albedo or Baizhu more.

Give me a sagau reader who reassurances the gods. Always listening to them, and being around them. Their actions are understandable, archons don't have to apologize for doing their utmost best in impossible circumstances. They are understood, for once in their life.

Oh, but give me a sagau reader who is great friends with them. Reader, who refers to their strange, scheming, and sometimes scary friends by name, not by title. It was hard and it took a lot of time, but they refer to you as... [y/n], not "Your Highness" or "Your grace." You feel at ease around people others usually tense up at - not necessarily the wrong crowd, no. Just a bit... misguided or misunderstood.

Give me a sagau reader who constantly visits Snezhnaya, and goes to the palace frequently. Their loyal, sweet and horribly naive acolytes think that their grace must keep the evil fatui and their scary archon in check. Instead, those evil fatui and their scary archon are trusted with the god's biggest secret, and a select few from other nations, be it the gods themselves, or vision bearers. It's all a big theatre act, of course, you are exhausted! That seemingly sweet smile drops the second you are alone with your most trusted acolytes. "Your cold and stoic gaze fits you more" you'd hear from them.

Reader finding comfort in goals that went sideways. In failed paths to stay strictly good. Getting to be in a place of power comes at a price, and it seems not many understand that. A loss of naivety and innocence, mostly. Because they got corrupted along the way too, it's only natural to be this way. Right..?

-- a/n: no cws because i don't think there's anything in here that deserves a cw???? i hope! tell me if it does asap! first written post, hi!!! i'm going to take a nap so that i won't have brain cells to think about how cringe this is and put it back into my drafts like a LOSER

[freakygirlie]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[lostysworld]

A healing touch – Kaz Brekker x reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (final)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warning: OOC (I hope it's not too much in this chapter :D), a little bit of angst.

Summary: something inevitable happens, that causes you to reveal your true feelings

A/N: I hope guys, you'll like it) Also I was hit by the song "Paradise" by Chase Atlantic, and I think it's perfect for them here))

Masterlist

The weather is perfect. Perfect for visiting your friends in the Crow Club. You don't have any plans for the whole day, and not even for helping your parents in the bakery, so you decide to spend this morning with pleasure.

The anticipation of seeing Kaz is so strong, after yesterday's evening, that your fingertips are tingling with joy. Does it mean, he will finally start treating you another way, more...intimate.

But when you come up to the club's doors, two men from Brekker's guard block your way. As you want to ask what the matter is, Jasper appears behind their backs.

– It's okay, guys. Let me settle this, - he claps their shoulders and comes to you.

– What's going on, Jas? - it is strange, that you are not allowed to go further. The boy's glance changes from cheerful to sympathetic one.

– I'm afraid, you are banished, Y/N.

– What?! Kaz banished me?

What you could possibly do to cause such a move from the man. When you left him yesterday's night, everything was alright.

– I want to talk to him.

– Y/N, I don't think-

– He banished me from the club, and, as I suppose, from the Slat too, and if it's his decision, I will not argue. But I only want to know the reason, Jas, - for a second you are peering at each other intensely. – Do I not deserve it?

– You do.

– Lead the way, then.

You may be a ray of sunshine, as others see you, but you also have a strength to fight back, if it's necessary. And now it is the time.

The wooden ladder squeaks under your steps, and you can swear, that Kaz already learns about your presence in the club. Well, he'd better know.

On the last stair you step forwards in front of Jasper, opening the door in Kaz's office. The man is sitting behind his table, showered with different documents. Rapidly he raises his head to meet you in the doorway.

Jasper takes a step back and leaves you two for his own sake.

Brekker furrows, his jaw's clenched.

– As far as I know, you are banished form the club, Y/N.

– We both know, I don't obey your orders.

You look at each other with such anger and rage, but deeply in your chest you still feel resentment towards him.

– What the matter, Kaz, - you throw you hands up, coming closer. Brekker doesn't move, he doesn't even take a step back from you. – Have I done something wrong?

Your eyes are roaming across his face. Kaz looks tired, as if he didn't sleep that night at all, dark circles under his eyes become more visible.

– Nothing, - he stands out of the table, leaning on its side now with arms crossed on his chest.

– Nothing? Is it your answer? - the man is still silent. – Don't want to give me a reason?

Of course he doesn't have to, but you think, he will do it as your friend. Even if you see him as much more than a friend to you.

– Kaz, we are friends-

– Yes...'friends', - his voice is full of unhidden venom, that makes you furious and lost at the same time. – Your friends are downstairs, and you still can meet them outside of the club.

You still don't understand, but something tells you, Brekker won't explain you anything. He has his own strange reasons, and, like everything else about him, you just have to accept this.

The man waves you off.

– If it's all, - he switches his displeased gaze on you. – I still have a lot of work.

Is it the end? He just doesn't want to see you anymore.

– Of course, Mr. Brekker, - he flinches barely visibly from your addressing. – I will no longer bother you.

You comes out, slamming the door behind your back.

Kaz closes his tired eyes rubbing his face. What did you want to hear from him? What could he possibly tell? That he doesn't want you here because of the constant life-threatening? That he serves as a magnet for all killers in Ketterdam, and is afraid that you will pay his price?

You'd better stay in your little shiny bakery and never met him in years.

The sudden urge to abandon it all and stop you from leaving is overweighted by his common sense, and he just throws everything from his table in anger.

Kaz Brekker is never drunk, but now something is driving him to the bottle of whiskey in his drawer.

Even if the man doesn't want to remember this now, the day, when he first met Y/N, is so vivid in front of his eyes.

Flashback.

It is a winter evening, almost night, calm and snowy, and Kaz comes out of the Slat to find Jasper, whom all of them are waiting for discussing the next heist. And why he of all of people, should look for him?

It is cold, and the man shrugs his shoulders. His leather gloves don't bring him any warm at all and his fingertips start freezing.

After a half an hour of wandering across the town, he finally hears that familiar voice and sees Jasper along with a young woman, who the boy is hugging with one arm.

– Why should I search for you, Jasper, while you're having fun with another girlfriend of yours?

Brekker is grim, but after one glance at the girl next to Jas, he feels a bit confused. Her wide y/c eyes seem looking right inside his soul.

– I'm not his girlfriend.

As fast as the boy opens his mouth to explain, the girl cuts him off. Her voice is calm, but the man catches a sparkle of surprise in it.

Jasper waves her to Brekker.

– It's Kaz, he's my boss, - the girl steps forwards and extends her arms for a handshake.

– Nice to meet you, Kaz, - a mischievous sparkle shines inside her gaze. – I'm Y/N.

Her voice rings, not getting lost in a noisy crowd. The way the young woman calls his name sounds...nice, and Brekker blinks for several times to return his previous cold demeanor.

She still stands with her hand awaiting for his reaction, and when Jasper wants to say about Brekker's touch aversion, the man instantly grabs her hand in his and shakes.

– Kaz Brekker, miss.

Her touch is warm, he feels it even through his glove. And all of her radiates with warmness, actually Kaz thinks it's a smell of baked bread.

A knowing grin appears on Jasper's face and he decides to keep quiet instead.

End of flashback.

Slowly you became a part of the team, and Kaz wondered for a thousand of times, how natural your presence was. It felt like the Crows have been knowing you for their whole lives.

And now you are gone, and it is his fault only. But Kaz would better know that you're safe, somewhere far away from him and his doubtful fortune.

The chilly wind becomes colder, as you make your way around Ketterdam, deciding not to come back to the bakery after your fight with Kaz. Otherwise you couldn't escape your mother's questions.

Slowly your anger calms down, and while the night falls on the town, you find yourself near the Slat.

Knowing this area you would never appear here in this time of the day or without any company, like Jas or Inej. Like Kaz.

You shake your head. Kaz kicks you out of his club like you have never belonged there, severing all the ties between you.

You feel yourself like a little naive girl, who is twisted around the finger will all your trust and friendship stuff.

There is no one except you on a narrow dark street, where only one lamppost is lit. Suddenly you hear steps behind you, that are echoing from dull stone walls of slams.

You turn around to see two men coming to you, as cold shiver runs down your spine. No way it can end up well.

You fasten you steps, noticing that the two behind you do the same. When you start running, you already abandon all thoughts about escaping alive.

In the end you bump into a wall, that can mean only a dead end of the street. Perfect, just perfect. Intending to come back while it's not that late, you doesn't notice a dark side street between two old houses, that may be your escape route.

But you still hesitate, and when you refuse to go there, someone's arm grabs you and drags into the alley.

Instantly a gloved hand closes your mouth, in case you want to scream. This familiar glance of Kaz in front of you calms down your rapidly beating heart, that pounds in your throat.

You exhale in relief, and both stand like this until the strangers' step disappear. He is so close to you, there is no an inch of space in between, but his palm. Slowly, he drops his hand, making sure that you won't scream.

He looks at you intensely like this for some minutes, and when the street is empty and silent, Brekker takes a step back.

– What the hell are you doing! - of course you could thank him first, but just can't hold back these words.

– Follow me.

He nods and goes further, not looking at you, trying to bring you to the safe place. After some time you find yourselves at the Slat with no Crows on the first floor.

Without a word you come with him into his room. Honestly, you don't have a slightest idea, what he is going to tell you now, after you morning incident.

The door is closed, and it feels like your freedom is cut off by his own hands.

– When I last saw you, I was a whiny pain in the ass, - you arch a brow at him. – And now you are waiting for me on the streets to save from a pair of thugs.

Brekker is silently watching you and it starts to drive you mad.

– Did you bring me here to keep quite, Kaz? - you watch him turn with his back to you and freeze. – At least tell me, what were you doing-

– That is the reason! - Brekker slams his hand on the table surface, and you flinch. – You think, that I don't care, but it's not true.

– Kaz-

– I banished you from the club, because I simply don't want you dead. Or this day didn't teach you anything?

– So you don't want me here? - your gaze is locked on the man. – You just throw me out.

– Is it the only thing you've heard?

– Than why I'm here now?

You know, he wants you alive, it is his only intention, but it's time for you to settle this. When Brekker doesn't respond, you go on.

– Oh, I can tell you, why, - you take several steps towards him, and the man doesn't move away. – Because I'm much safer here, in the Crow club or in the Slat, doesn't matter. Any place, where you are, I'm safer, Kaz.

– But you...you deserve more than the Crow club or the Slat, - he comes up to you, leaving a short distance between. – You deserve so much more, Y/N, and I can't give you that.

It is enough. Your emotions overwhelm you, and all anger, resentment and longing for the man you love now turn into tears, that are just flowing freely down your cheeks. You know every thing, that Kaz thinks about himself, and you just want him to shut up. Only because he deserves more too.

– I'm not asking for more, Brekker. Why don't you see it?

– Why are you so stubborn? - Kaz shortens the distance, taking his gloves off. He is watching a stray tear on your cheek, but can't force himself to raise his hand and brush it off.

– Because I love you, Kaz. If you want it or not.

The man stays speechless. Not that he doesn't want it, but he just doesn't expect your feelings. He shakes his head.

– It won't end up well.

– It isn't supposed to end, Kaz! - his answer only makes you cry more, as you turn away from him, starting roaming around the room. Why should he always be like this? – Unless you want it to end, of course.

– And what do you want, huh?! - the anger slowly overflows him. – If everything stays like this, that will only give you another reason to hate me in the end, Y/N!

– What do I want? I want to spend my life with you, Brekker, every single moment of it, - you throw your hands up in displeasure. – But as I see, it's not mutual.

Kaz is still silent, and you only have to leave him be. You don't want to hurt him with your words, and knowing that, you'd better go away now.

When you go downstairs, you see Nina and Matthias, but don't even turn to her, calling you. You know, it's rude, but nothing matters now.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, promoting, encouraging, justifying nor romanticizing yandere behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of toxic relationships, yandere behavior, bullying, harassment, blackmail, sexual scenes, abusive relationship, manipulation, verbal abuse, abortion, attempted murder.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙽𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟼𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟽𝟹 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟻'𝟾 𝙵𝚝.

𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□80%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚃𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚛

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

𝙰𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜/𝚘.

𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 .

𝚄𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜.

𝙳𝚎𝚜���𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚢.

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You had known him for the longest time, probably since you were both learning the alphabet.

Even back then he was a troublesome boy.

Loved to dip your hair in paint, pour glue inside your backpack.

Or always pushed you off the swings cause he wanted to play in it.

This didn't really faze you back then.

Most of the boys that age played such tricks on almost all the girls.

They all had a specific target and you were Wooyoung's.

You remember telling this one day to your mom, who simply chuckled.

"Honey, boys tend to tease the girls they have a crush on."

You remember looking at her with confusion.

How could they treat someone they like with such utter disrespect and rudeness?

"Because they don't know how to express their feelings."

Like an idiot you believed that, and being the naive little girl you were, you kinda started developing a crush on him.

You remember the first time you talked back to him, it's engraved in your head because it was the first time of many to come where his words, and actions, hurt you.

"Just admit you like me Wooyoung! You only tease me cause you're in love with me."

You remember the rage and disgust in his eyes as he shoved you to the ground, making you scrape your knee on the pavement.

"Get this through that dumb brain of yours Y/N....

No one will ever love a dirty little rat like you."

You came home crying that day. Hurt physically and emotionally at his words.

And the years to come weren't better, as you grew up, Wooyoung's bullying towards you escalated.

You hoped that after you graduated high school and started going to university, you'd be free from him, never see him again.

You could finally be happy for once in your life. Focus on your goals and career.

Everything was going great for you!.......

Until you walked into class and found out not only had Wooyoung been accepted to the same university...

He was majoring in the same field as you!

"Hey dirty little rat. Missed me?"

His cocky smile sent shivers down your spine, you were already fearing what he had in store for you.

If you thought high school was hell, it was nowhere near as awful as the torment Wooyoung was now putting on you.

Tripping you down the stairs to the point you had severe injuries.

Writing nasty and derogatory names on your desk that now wouldn't come off and you'd be forced to look at every time you went to class.

One time he went as far as stealing your assignments, ultimately leading to failing an entire semester.

You were so heartbroken and just done with his shit. You felt no more motivation to even continue studying.

Until a cute boy named Yeonjun transferred and took an interest in you.

He was super nice, friendly and not to mention good looking and hella tall.

It was more than obvious too that he wanted establish a relationship with you, anyone and everyone could see that.

Especially Wooyoung and he did not look the way someone else was making you happy.

So he devised a plan, not caring how messed up it was.

He made sure someone convinced you to go to a party he'd be at.

You found it odd that he was suddenly acting super nice to you, not even calling you those mild nicknames he called you in front of others.

And it shocked you even more when he suddenly apologized to you for everything he'd done to you, even offering to talk to your professor about your assignment.

His eyes seemed so sincere, you actually believed him.

Perhaps he finally decided to change, realized his behavior was unnecessary and immature and of course, like an idiot you accepted his apology.

You got wasted for the first time in your life that night and could not remember anything at all.

Until Wooyoung was 'kind' enough to brief you in on what happened.

He pulled out his phone and made you watch a video he had filmed of you two that night.

Your stomach hurled over as you realized it was a fucking sex tape, you and Wooyoung had actually fucked that night.

"What! No no! This couldn't have happened! There's no way!" You refused to believe it.

Wooyoung just smirked at you.

"Oh but it did happen kitten. You were so eager too as the video displays, you kept asking me to go harder, begging me for another round and wanting my cum all over you..."

"I wonder what would the whole school say if I posted it online....especially Yeonjun."

Now you realized what his game was. He was never sorry. It was just another form of him to torture you, and this tipped the scale.

You were so shaken up, you got down on your knees and begged him not to show anyone the video.

"Please Wooyoung! I'll do anything! Anything!"

"Anything?......really? How about becoming mine then?"

And now you were forever tied to your worst nightmare.

Wooyoung especially enjoyed seeing Yeonjun's disappointed and heartbroken look when he announced that you two were now dating.

Now he couldn't even look at you anymore, feeling somewhat betrayed by your actions.

You wanted to tell him you were sorry and explain to him what was going on, but Wooyoung had eyes on you 24/7.

He even made you move in with him and now even your free time had to be spent with him.

You hated living with him.

He not only made sure to verbally abuse you, but actually seemed to have fun causing tiny accidents to happen around you.

His favorite was when he'd peer over your shoulder as you tried to study.

He scoffed. "Why even bother if all you'll ever be good at is spreading your legs?"

Those were his favorite insults: "whore" "slut" "bitch".

One time you were just so fed up with him, that you ended up snapping back.

"Shut the fuck up Wooyoung! You're such an insufferable piece of shit, no wonder your mom left you and your dad back in middle school."

As soon as the words came out, you wanted to swallow them back in.

Wooyoung was livid at your words.

He not only yanked you up by your hair, but he actually threw you to the floor and started kicking you harshly.

He didn't kick you for too long though, he did not want to risk anyone questioning when he told them you fell down the stairs.

And especially not take you to the hospital.

You had no choice but to stay home as you tried to recuperate.

You remember one of those days, you came home from a quick trip to the convenience store and found some girl blowing Wooyoung on the couch.

You weren't fazed. He often brought girls home and fucked them right in front of you.

You just sighed and decided to ignore the shit eating grin he'd give you whenever you caught him.

You decided long ago it wasn't worth it.

You two weren't even dating cause you wanted to.

He just loved controlling you, having power over you, holding something over your head.

He had this obsessive need to make you miserable.

And you hated that you had no choice but to allow it.

Even when there were things you didn't want to do, you had to or he'd once again blackmail you.

The one time you adamantly refused to was when you found out you were pregnant.

Wooyoung was just as shocked as you.

"And you're telling me I'm the father?"

"Uh......I can't have sex with anyone who isn't you, obviously you're the father."

Wooyoung couldn't let you go through with the pregnancy.

"Get rid of it." He told you.

You wrapped a protective hand around your bump.

"No! This is my baby and I won't allow you to harm it!"

You weren't going to budge though.

"Show the tape to everyone! I don't give a fuck anymore! But I'm not killing an innocent child who has done nothing wrong. "

Realizing he was losing control of you, Wooyoung knocked you out unconscious, deciding to take matters into your own hands.

You woke up a day later, feeling sore and aching in your inner thighs and lower abdomen.

You immediately panicked and sensed something was wrong.

You didn't need Wooyoung to tell you, you knew he had taken you to a clinic and had the baby removed.

You were so shaken up, cried your eyes out and no longer had any will to fight against Wooyoung.

You felt like it all all your fault, the death of your baby was your fault.

You weren't strong enough to save it and it was killing you inside.

You no longer trusted anyone, and you didn't have the heart to talk about it to anyone. Not like they'd believe you or care about you.

But someone did notice, Yeonjun never stopped caring about you and although he was hurt you went with someone else, he still had feelings for you.

And he was very observant and noticed that ever since you started dating Wooyoung, you were skipping a lot of classes....

And you were having a lot of accidents...too many in fact.

And now he just saw you completely lost and like a walking dead.

"Hey Y/N, are you ok?" He asked you one day.

You were going to respond, but the devil made an appearance by your side.

"She's fine and was just coming home with me. Weren't you baby?"

To everyone, it looked like a sweet and caring smile from your doting boyfriend, but you knew it was all fake.

Nonetheless you just kept your head low and went home with him.

Yeonjun noticed the way you trembled when he put his arm around you, noticed the frightened look in your eyes and he knew something was wrong in your relationship.

When you got home, Wooyoung was pissed off at you and immediately struck your face.

"I thought I told you not to talk to him! Can't you obey a simple order you fucking bitch?!"

When he pulled out a knife from the kitchen, you were now scared for your life.

You tried to fight back, but Wooyoung was stronger than you and you were still in pain after the abortion.

He knocked you to the floor and managed to land 2 stab wounds into your right side.

You could never forget the wrath and hate in his eyes as he told you:

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

By some miracle, someone taller and stronger than Wooyoung got him off you, that someone being none other than Yeonjun.

He felt glad about following his hunch and followed you both back home, otherwise he'd end up reading about you in the newspaper.

He had no trouble in subduing Wooyoung and calling the police.

The only thing on his mind was getting you to the hospital as soon as possible.

"It's ok Y/N. You're going to be fine." He assured you

Your physical injuries were easy to recover from, but the emotional trauma and abuse Wooyoung put you through was not.

Yet Yeonjun was there every step of the way, going with you to therapy and just listening to you and your terrifying story.

For the first time in your life, you felt truly loved and happy....

And safe.

A year after the ordeal, you were doing much better and were nearly fully recuperated.

Yeonjun and you rented a place together and were completely in love with each other.

Everything seemed to be going perfect....

And then one day your phone rang.

Picking up, you asked "Hello?"

"Don't think it's over yet you dirty little rat."

[wordsofabandonment]

I don't belive that nobody cares. I'm pretty sure you have met some people who would care if you'd just talk. Or if you truly think there is nobody around you who would care... you are in the wrong place. If you can't change the life that you don't like you need to leave. Start fresh in a new place. 😊

Oh my gosh, you're so sweet! This really surprised me and made my day. Thank you, darling 😊 ...this is something I think about a lot. Because I know that if I tried to talk about it, if I brought up my problems or the fact that I was suffering to people, they'd "care." They'd be concerned and pity me and try to help. But then they would forget it the second it's no longer their problem (or maybe pester me about it forever without actually doing anything). I've tried talking about it, but it only ends up hurting more when no one tries to do anything after the initial incident. They'll never check up on me or try to actively help or anything. Maybe I have the wrong idea of "caring," maybe passive caring is supposed to be enough, or maybe I'm just way too closed off and resistant to help. Idk. And then there's the whole "Oh, they're going to leave you anyway. You're so boring and quiet and depressing, it's no wonder no one talks to you. They'll find you annoying and a downer if you put all your problems on them. Just stop talking to people, you burden" thing going on in my head, so ehhhh.And yeah, that's something I've really been wanting to do (at least) these last few months. I've really just wanted a change in environment and setting lately... Being stuck with the exact same people for years and years hasn't been the best thing for me. Especially when they're the ones who've hurt and ignored me for so long. It's why I've wanted to move schools, though I can't because I have things tying me here. And why I've been looking forward to college and moving out for so long as well. I've really just wanted to leave and to find new people and see that the world isn't going to be all like this. I want to find my people, people who I can trust and that will really help me and that I love. I've been longing for that "fresh start in a new place." Maybe I'm being naively optimistic, but I really hope not.Tho people like you (and my current fp) make me feel like that's not as far from the truth as I might think sometimes ;DSorry if it seems like I'm trying to throw this all on ya or anything. Just explaining/venting a bit. Thanks again, darling! Hope you have a nice day/night and life thereafter! 💚