#but i'm very solid on i want them happening in this order

[theradicalace]

i have blocked out a rough series of events for the transfem splendid timeline. details are vague on everything after the red line, but that's at least the order i want those things to happen in :3c

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller AU part 7

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Part 8 is here!

"Gather the troops and have them warn the public. All the infantries will be stationed here and here. The archers and cavalary-" Salauddin was sending orders to his generals. As soon as he was informed of Baldwin coming, you knew he had only limited time to make a game plan.

You didnt understand why Baldwin would come all the way here for a war. He wouldnt leave Jerusalem unarmed this way, so either he's bring half of his army while the other half protects his kingdom from invaders- which would put him at a great disadvantage against Salauddin. Or he's bringing all of his men and that means Jerusalem is practically up for grabs.

No. He wouldnt leave Jerusalem unarmed like that, so that means he's inadequately prepared for the war?

No. Baldwin's too smart. If he won against Salauddin at just 16 years, then he's definitely coming up with a plan. And it scares you to not know what he has in mind.

You looked at Salauddin who had just finished instructing his generals, as they left. He was stressed, you could see that. War. Its not a small thing. There are no true winners when there's blood shed on either side. While Salauddin does have the advantage of fighting in his home ground, that is also his disadvantage. At the end of it, his people- his Egypt will suffer.

"Y/n." Your eyes meet. "I need you to stay inside the palace. I will have guards assigned to you. If they tell you to go somewhere, follow them."

"What? No. I'm coming with."

"Have you lost your mind?"

You ignored his insult. "If Baldwin is coming for a war-" "You're gonna talk him out of it?" "I mean, its not a bad plan but I was gonna offer you to use me as a bargaining chip? That way you could avoid blood shed." You wouldn't offer to put your life in danger but since your time machine is still not ready, you need to avoid a war.

"No." He gave you a stern look. "I dont want you anywhere near him or his men. You will stay here. Listen to me for once."

"But I-"

"Y/n." He warned. You sighed before nodding. Well I could always just go out when he leaves, just like last time.

Almost as if he had read your mind, he made you follow him to a room that had no windows or any other exits besides the one door that was made of solid wood and had guards stationed outside.

"This is the safest room, Y/n. It is impenetrable." Oh no, you cant stay here.

"I think you're overreacting a bit-"

"Overreacting? Your fiance is coming over to start a war because of your crazy brother-in-law who you underestimated because you said that he's just a tool. I think I'm reacting very appropriately." He shut you up.

"I want Isabella."

"No."

"Please Salauddin, I need to keep her safe too-"

"No."

"This may be the last wish you ever grant me, so can you just agree-"

"You think I'm going to die?!" Salauddin stared at you in disbelief.

"I... I didnt say that." You tried to think of a lie. "I mean, maybe this might be the last time you see me... alive? Who knows when the angel of death pays you a visit? If we look at the statistics, between you, me and Baldwin, at least one of us going to die-"

"Stop talking." He gritted out, "Fine."

-

"Princess." Isabella wailed as soon as she entered. You let her hug you. "I missed you too, Isabella." You smiled wiping away her tears.

"I- I heard rumors of a war! Is it- his majesty coming?" The girl sniffled. You nodded.

"Its true. A war is going to happen... unless I do something about it." She blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

You held her hands and gave her your most pleading eyes. Its time for manipulation.

"I need you to get me out of here." "Why?" "Because I need to talk to my future husband out of war."

Her eyes widened. "B-but its too dangerous for you to go outside, princess!"

You sighed. "If I cant even protect people from unnecessary pain and bloodshed, then what good am I as a queen?" Yes, time for some heart breaking lines about self sacrifice. "I would rather risk my life than the lives of those who have their families waiting for them at home. I would happily fall on my own sword if it means my subjects wont have to. If I cant prevent suffering of the very people who would bleed for me, then I have no right to be the queen of Jerusalem."

-

Half an hour later, Isabella had knocked on the door for the guards to let her out.

"Sultan Salauddin has forbidden-"

"Princess Y/n from leaving. Not me. I'm her lady in waiting and the princess needs me to get her belongings so that she can write her will."

"We can have it fetched-"

"You? A common man she has no relations with- wants to touch her stuff? I dont think so." Isabelle glared at them through her niqaab (all of your maids had followed your dress code in Egypt). She didnt wait for an answer as she began walking away before a man appeared by her side. It was one of Salauddin's guards.

"What?" She snapped at him, continuing to walk.

"They sent me to walk with you and bring you back safely." He said before grinning at her. "I thought you'd be happy to see your habeebo."

"Habeebo?" She asked, reaching your room.

He caught her wrist and turned her around, gazing at her veiled face with affection. "You cant still be mad at me for leaving the other night- I had duties."

"What right do I have to be mad at you?" Isabella kept her face down, conveying she was still very much mad.

"Habeebo's habibti- you have all rights over me. You're the only woman for me." Habeebo said as he placed a hand over his heart.

Isabelle finally giggled, freeing her wrist from his grasps. "Stop... someone could walk in on us." She warned.

"So? I'm not afraid. I can do anything for love!"

"Anything?"

"Anything." He assured her.

"Then go fetch me some cold water while I pack the princesse's belongings. Hurry now, I'll be waiting for you here." Habeebo all but smiled before walking towards the kitchen, leaving Isabella alone in your room.

As soon as she was sure he was gone, she removed her veil and quickly changed her chaddar with yours.

"Thanks Isabella." You muttered as you slipped on your chaddar. Yes, you had left Isabella in the room upstairs and pretended to be her to slip out of there. She had told you about her crush Habeebo who you had also fooled into leaving you here, and youre sure that if he were to go back upstairs and find Isabella instead of you, he'd protect her. Surely.

Sneaking out of the palace wasnt a hard feat by now. What was hard was trying to figure out what way to go to find Baldwin or Salauddin, with all the people panicking as they were being constantly warned by guards about Baldwin's arrival.

You decided to go through the market and head towards the madarrasa, though you doubt Abbas is anywhere done with the parts you gave him to make. You had given a week's deadline but only because you needed him to hurry up, not because he could actually make them in such little time.

The streets were packed, shops were getting closed and people were trying to rush home to safety. You were nearing the madarrasa when you were pulled to the side in an alley.

"Y/n!" Abbas exclaimed. "Finally, I found you." You raised a brow and he grinned. "Your things are ready."

"Already?" You were in disbelief. How did he-

He puffed his chest. "Of course. I had a deadline and with the war being announced, I'm glad I made haste!" You felt hope again. If the parts are ready, all you need to do is assemble them and you can leave this timeline for once and for all, and if Baldwin and Salauddin do end up fighting each other, everything works out! You're sure that Salauddin would win by playing to his strengths, and because eventually Guy will fuck up and betray Baldwin and cause him to die. Then another crusade will happen and Salauddin will take over Jerusalem! Everyone wins.

"Well? Hand it over."

"I dont have it with me right now! I took the parts home to work on them. Lets go." You trailed behind him, the market still bustling as the air became more tensed. They're kingdom is about to be attacked and they have little to no time to prepare for it.

Soon, you reached his home. It was a cozy place, made of mud. The beige walls added onto the coolness. He lead you inside, crossing the patio. Abbas told you to wait there while he went inside a room to get your parts. While waiting, your eyes landed on a cage in the corner that had 5 doves.

"Here it is." Abbas returned with a wooden box and gave it to you.

Opening it, you saw the designs you had given him. You took the parts out and examined them. They weren't top notch, but they'll make do.

"Thank you." You handed him a pouch of gold coins. He pocketed it before raising his brows at you. "So... will you finally tell me what this is for?"

You looked up at him before taking out your time machine. Might as well assemble it here and leave as soon as possible. "I would but I'm afraid it'll go over your head." He frowned at your words before grumbling angrily under his breath before going to the doves to give them seed. Good, he should be distracted while you put these parts in.

It didnt take more than a few minutes for you to place them in. All you had to do was to put in the last key, turn it on and set the date-

"Y/n." You looked up at Abbas, not understanding his horrified expression. What's wrong? You followed his gaze and looked behind you, and there it was-

A shadow standing at the doorway of the patio.

You squinted your eyes before your heart dropped at the realisation.

Black robes, hood over the head, geared up.

Assassin.

"This is the wrong house." Abbas said with a trembling voice.

The assassin stepped forward into the light, while you and Abbas took a few steps back.

"What- what do you want?" The assassin didnt answer him, his eyes fixed on you. This is- this is not an Ismaili. They wouldnt attack alone, and especially not so soon, and not when a war hangs over their head.

The assassin took another step forward, this time you grabbed the time machine and held it closely. This made the dark figure tilt his head at you.

"Get behind me." You moved behind Abbas. "Get out of my house- this is not the time. Evacuate!" Abbas warned the guy but he didnt stop staring at you.

As soon as he took another step, Abbas grabbed a wooden stick from the side and ran towards him, only for him to be flipped over his shoulder and slammed to the ground. You took this as a sign to run but the assassin was faster, grabbing you by the chaddar as it ripped off you. Your eyes widened as he grabbed you by the shoulder and yanked you back and your immediate reaction was to slap him, but he caught your wrist and pushed you back inside the patio. Abbas got up and tried to punch him, but he was knocked down back on his back in a second.

You ran, but didnt make it more than a few steps before you got tackled to the ground. You struggled to break free but the assassin had his arms wrapped around your neck, putting you in a chokehold.

Knowing Abbas couldnt come to your rescue, you clawed at the assassins hands, flailed about trying to break free from under him. But he had overpowered you, putting immense pressure until you started seeing black dots.

Just at the last moment, your eyes caught the sight of the dove cage and instinctively, you yanked the cage, hoping to hit the assassin in the head with it, but all you managed was to tip it over, the latch holding it close dropped.

And in the next moment, the doves flew out and went straight for the assassin. You wouldnt say they were attacking him, but the moment he saw them flying in his direction, he raised his hands to bat them away, which only caused him to get scratched-

You didnt stick around to find out if they clawed his face off, springing to your feet as you ran inside a room, hoping to find a window to escape.

You spot the window, quickly opening the wooden frame to leap out. Only the moment you have one foot out, you're pulled back inside and thrown against the wall.

The assassin is back, his body language conveying he's more pissed now than before.

You cant outrun him. You take a fighting stance. You know very well that you cant beat him either, but it works well to at least make him doubt that.

Maybe you could bribe him?

"What do you want?" You ask him, your fists raised. He tilted his head at your attempt to look ominous.

You glared at him. "You let me and my friend go, and I can assure you I can give you enough gold to keep you out of work forever. I am..." you pause before using your last card. "I am King Baldwin's fiance, future queen of Jerusalem. Let me go, and I'll give you anything you want."

He took another step forward and you knew you were backed into a corner so you punched him, only he caught your fist before it was anywhere near his face.

He stared at you, tightening his hold on your wrist.

"Please dont hurt me." You gulped before raising your other hand to punch him, but he caught it too. Now both of your hands were in one of his while he used the other to grab your throat and push you against the wall.

"Oh fuc-" He squeezed a pressure point on your neck until you passed out.

-

Salauddin was on his horse at the front of his army, waiting at the gates of his kingdom for Baldwin. His generals had informed him that they had placed the respective troops posted according to his plan. Everyone waited with baited breath for his command. They're ready to protect their sultan, ready to sacrifice their lives to protect their kingdom.

Salauddin heard them before he saw them.

The heavy jingle of metal armour, the marching of the horses and then he saw their cross flags. He gave a nod to his men, signalling to be prepared.

They're coming.

In all honesty, Salauddin was expecting Baldwin's army to not make it through the hot desert, since they rarely ever leave Jerusalem.

But it was still a surprise when he saw the actual size of his army.

It wasnt that much. Thought he anticipated it, after all Baldwin wouldnt have left his kingdom without some men, but now this means that Baldwin is not relying on numbers.

He's relying on strategy. And its hard to predict Baldwin's moves.

Salauddin's mouth turned into a grim line. What was he planning?

The templars lead the army to the gates of Egypt. The Muslims had their weapons ready to be drawn. Salauddin watched the Christians Knights halt.

Do they attack now?

Baldwin emerged from the masses on his horse, sporting his iron mask despite not needing it anymore. Salauddin also rode his horse to meet him halfway, knowing his generals dont appreciate him leaving.

Their horses stopped a few feet apart from each other. Everything was silent apart from the sound of warm air whooshing through the desert.

Baldwin raised his hand. Salauddin heart skipped a beat. He's going to signal them to attack-

"Salam alaikum!" Baldwin greeted with a wave.

Salauddin gave a nod. "Walaikum asalam."

Baldwin tilted his head. "Why so tense, Sal? Not happy to see me?"

"I dont like uninvited guests." He replied. Baldwin chuckled. "Of course. But we're friends-"

"Why are you here, Baldwin?"

Baldwin stared at him. No king appreciates being interrupted.

"I'm here to meet my fiancee."

Salauddin stared at him unamused. "You left the Holy Land to meet your fiancee who was going to return home soon anyways?"

Baldwin shrugged. "I missed her."

"Baldwin."

The young king sighed. "I know I should've informed you before coming but I really do want to see Y/n. I mean no harm, Salauddin." He raised his hands in surrender. "I just thought it would be a nice surprise for her. Ever since she cured me, I realised I hadnt seen the world that much, so what better location than Egypt?"

Salauddin stared at him, before his gaze fell on his army.

"Come on, Salauddin. Where's Y/n?" Baldwin asked with a goofy smile.

Salauddin's brows furrowed before he sighed. "In my palace." He nodded at his men to open the gates as he lead Baldwin in. But not before whispering to his second in command to surround the kingdom from all perimeters and be on high alert. Things can always go south.

Baldwin smirked looking at the size of Salauddin's army. "Aww, you didnt have to bring them for my warm welcome." Salauddin ignored him, knowing very well that Baldwin knew how it looked when a king comes unannounced at another king's door.

-

They soon arrived at the palace, welcomed by servants and maids who were looking at Baldwin in awe. They had heard rumors of his beauty, and when he removed his mask, they realised how huge of an understatement it was. And the fact that this young king was the one to defeat their sultan at just 16 years age, it definitely added to the charm.

But Baldwin wasnt blind to the furious gazes of his soldiers either. He just ignored them, which was easy since his mind was occupied by thoughts of you. Y/n. My princess. My angel.

What surprised Salauddin was that Baldwin hadnt come alone. No, Guy was here too which only confused him more. If Baldwin brought Guy along, then who did he leave to take care of Jerusalem? Sibylla and Guy's son was still too young to be a heir.

He did remember your theory about Guy being the one to hire the assassins to ambush you in the desert. If Guy came here despite his failed attempts to get rid of his enemies, then he's either incredibly stupid or he's well assured that he'll get away with everything.

Salauddin wont let him. He'll make Guy pay.

"I hate to rush you Salauddin, I know Muslims are knows for their hospitality but can you just lead me to Y/n's room? She is a sight for sore eyes." Baldwin requested sweetly, making Salauddin roll his eyes. He signalled a servant to bring you down.

Guy looked disgusted to be in the presence of so many Muslims, but the moment he caught sight of any maids passing by, he would be eyeing them like a piece of meat. A maid came by holding drinks in a tray. When she offered it to Baldwin and then Guy, the latter startled the poor girl by purposely touching her wrist with his grubby paws.

Salauddin gripped the armrest tightly. If he wasnt Baldwin's brother-in-law, Salauddin would've plucked his eyes out and had him whipped in public to make an example out of scum like him.

"So, when did you leave your camp outside Jerusalem? I was expecting to see you there on my way here, but there were new troops of yours instead." Baldwin asked, sipping the cool drink.

"I came here with Y/n. I had some errands that required my attention." Salauddin didnt bring up the ambush, watching both him and Guy to gauge their reactions. Did they know?

"Went on any new conquests recently?" Salauddin decided to make small talk as they waited for you. He hopes you're not taking time to get ready to meet Baldwin. He'd rather you come up covered in a chaddar when Guy is here.

Instead of allowing Baldwin to answer, Guy cut him off. "Of course! We are the noble warriors, the Chosen Ones! God wants us to conquer as much as possible, for the sake of his-"

"How dare you talk to me?" Salauddin silenced him. "I'm talking to your king. He may allow it but you're in my kingdom now. You will abide by the rules or so help me, your head will be on a spike for the crows to shit on." Guy's eyes widened and his jaw fell open. No one had threatened him like that, at least not since he married Sibylla.

Baldwin barely suppressed a smile and when Guy looked at him for help, he only shrugged. "You should listen to him. We are his guests, after all."

The servant returned with the special guards he had assigned to protect you, all looking scared.

"S-sultan... the princess-" Baldwin and Salauddin's gaze sharpened at your mention. The poor servant gulped.

"The princess is gone."

There was deafening silence. The servant had his head bowed, along with the guards, all too afraid of the wrath they're going to face.

"Gone? Gone where?" Salauddin spat as he walked upto them.

"I- I dont know-" Salauddin grabbed the guard by the collar and shook him. "I left her in a room with no windows, a room guarded by the 6 of the most skilled men. Where did she go?!"

The guard's head only lowered further. "Sultan, we only opened the door to let princess Y/n's maid in and out. B-but- but when we opened the door, the maid was waiting there instead of the princess!"

"Which maid? Where is she?!" Salauddin roared.

The guard nodded at his men who pushed a young girl forward roughly. She fell on her knees, crying pitifully. He immediately recognised her.

Isabella.

"Where's the princess?" Salauddin questioned her, only to be answered in hiccups and tears. A vein on his forehead popped. He doesnt have time for this. Who knows where you are? If you're safe-

"Isabella." Baldwin called out gently, kneeling in front of her. She sniffled and bowed her head. "Isabella, look at me." She took panicked breaths before lifting her eyes to meet his kind ones, not a a grain of anger in them.

"You know where princess Y/n is?" He asked, pushing her hair back over her ear. She shook her head, hiccuping though she wasnt bawling her heart now.

"Use your words, Isabella. Tell me what happened." Enchanted by his gentleness, she spilled, told him all about how you made her take your place so that you could go and stop you from starting a war with the sultan.

Salauddin watched the interaction closely, trying to figure out if Isabella was lying. He did note Baldwin's behabiour throughout this entire interrogation as well. For someone whose future wife is missing, Baldwin is surprisingly calm. Then again, he's rarely ever seen Baldwin lose his temper.

"Where did she go?" Baldwin questioned her once again.

"I- I dont know, your majesty. She never told me!" Isabella cried out.

Baldwin nodded before standing up, his brows furrowed as rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger.

"If Y/n was going out to stop me and she never reached the gates, then it means... she's still here." Baldwin said after some deep thought. He looked at Salauddin. "Your men have surrounded the kingdoms, havent they?"

Salauddin nodded before ordering his men to find you.

"Search every house, every place. No one gets in or out of the kingdom!" He yelled at them, watching them leave. He felt Baldwin stand beside him and out of the corner of his eye, he saw his face wasn't... too concerned.

"You know, for someone whose fiancee is missing, you're surprisingly calm." Salauddin was both stating his observation, and accusing him too. Did Baldwin know where you were?

Baldwin simply smiled, his dimples showing. "I know you will find her."

"And why is that?"

"Because if I dont have Y/n in my arms by today, then I will burn your Egypt to the ground."

-

The Templar Knights kicked down doors, rattled the poor citizens and took great glee in destroying their belongings, using you as an excuse to "search thoroughly". Salauddin's army was also rigorously working to find you, interrogating everyone for any clues on you. Then again, no one had really seen how you looked like. You were just another woman covered in a chaddar and niqaabi among a whole city of them. It would be like finding needle in a hay stack and Salauddin wasnt about to allow anyone to rip off the niqaabs off his Muslim women. He wont allow such a transgression.

Fortunately, Baldwin agreed. After all, why would you be hiding from him? You dont have a reason to, right? But still, he had to find you. So he was walking through the streets of Egypt himself to look for you.

Salauddin had joined him, and not just because he wanted to ensure the safety of his folks but also to stop Guy from provoking Baldwin by feeding him any lies.

That cretin was getting on his last nerves.

Salauddin pretended to be deaf as Guy harshly whispered to Baldwin that "How can a princess just vanish? Clearly, there's someone plotting. These Arabs must've sold her off! They dont respect women like we do-" only to be pushed away by Baldwin who told him to focus his energy on finding you.

Its been 3 hours since Baldwin's arrival and still no sign of you. Despite his best attempts, Salauddin could see Baldwin's calm demeanour chipping away. He was running out of patience.

They were now standing outside the madarrassa where all the scholars, students and staff were rounded up. Salauddin was the only one who knew about Abbas, but now that he looked at each face, he realised he was the only one missing.

Immeadiately, he sent the guards to find him. Salauddin was sure that he knew about your whereabouts, He had to.

"Who is Abbas?" Baldwin asked as they both followed the guards that had found out his residence.

Salauddin didnt miss the suspicion in his tone. As much as he wanted to toy with Baldwin, now is not the time.

"He is a craftsman. Y/n had hired him to make something for her. Maybe she went there to collect it." He purposely avoided telling him about the unique chessboard you had gifted him.

After half an hour, they had reached Abbas's residence. It wasnt all that odd to find the front door open, and truth be told, no one was expecting anyone to be home.

It was concerning to find the disasterous state of the house as they entered. Clay pots were smashed to the ground, a cage lying empty in one corner. Clearly, something had happened here.

However, something caught Salauddin's eye that made his heart sink.

Your chaddar, lying on the ground.

-

You woke up with a pounding headache. When your lids fluttered open, they first spotted the single candle in the corner of the dimly lit room. Memories of the previous events flashed through your mind and you fitted the pieces like a jigsaw puzzle.

When your eyes finally adjusted to the dimly lit room, you realised you were still in the same room the assassin had knocked you out. Not only that, but Abbas was also lying beside you, though he hadnt regained conciousness yet.

"Abbas- Abbas, wake up." You raised your hand to shake him, but your eyes caught the sight of your ripped sleeve. When- when did this-

You looked down at your clothes and realised they were all tattered too. Your niqaab was gone, you recalled the assassin had pulled off your chaddar during your escape attempt, and now that you looked at Abbas, he was in a similar state too. His clothes were torn and ripped too. But why? The assassin had already knocked you two out, he didnt need to-

You gasped, patting yourself to find your lack of belongings. Your time machine was gone, as was your jewellery an coins. You'd been robbed!

Panic surged into your veins as you violently shook Abbas, your machine was gone- your only way out of this era was gone!

"Abbas! Wake up!" But he only groaned in response. What was wrong with him?

You dont have time to wonder as you rushed to open the door. You need to catch that thief, assassin- whatever he was, before he got too far and you lost your time machine forever. Grabbing the handles, you tried to yank the door open, but it didnt even budge. Its... locked.

You whipped your head around, remembering the window you were trying to get out of earlier. Running up to it, you tried to open the wooden shutters, but they didnt move an inch. No. No. This is- this is not happening. You ran back towards the door. You felt your throat close up as you pulled the door with all your might before banging your fists against them in frustration.

You were locked in.

The thief has your time machine. He's probably gone far away with it. By the time anyone comes to your aid, he'd have fled the city. He'd be gone as Baldwin and Salauddin fight and burn Egypt to the ground. I'll be trapped here, probably die under the rubble with Abbas-

Abbas.

You look back at him, still unconscious. How hard was his head hit?

You fall back on your knees besides him, trying to wake him up. He'd know- Abbas would know how to get out of this room. He's smart, and he knows his house, probably built it himself- he'd know a way out.

"Abbas! ABBAS! Wake up! Wake up-!" You grabbed his head and laid it in your lap, turning it side-to-side to see if he was bleeding. You started to massage his temples, hoping the circulation will wake him up.

Wait. Circulation.

You recalled what they taught you in first aid class- what to do when someone faints? Raise their legs above heart level. You quickly moved and pulled his knees up until they were able to stay bent on their own, before cradling his head in your lap again, tapping his cheeks.

"Abbas- Abbas, wake up please. Abbas-! I swear if you dont wake up, I will give you a tight slap-"

You were cut off by the sound of the door being banged.

What in the-

The door shook as something hard banged against it. You jumped at the force. Did the war start already? Are they using cannonballs?

No. While cannonballs were used as heavy artillery in medieval Europe, it was more popularly used in the 1700s, but I'm still in the 1100s-

NOT THE TIME TO GEEK OUT! I'M ABOUT TO DIE-

The door burst open and light flooded into the room, blinding you for a moment. You raised your hand to shield yourself from the light before slowly bringing your hand down as you saw figures entering into the room.

Once your eyes finally adjusted, you recognised the figures in front of you.

Salauddin. Baldwin. Guy-

Guy?

All three of them stared at you, though your eyes remained focused on Baldwin, who looked at you, then at your clothes, and then... at Abbas.

The look of relief turned into confusion. What? Whats wrong?

You heard Salauddin yell something in Arabic at his soldiers, which made them instantly look away and leave the room. Baldwin kept looking at you in barely suppressed shock.

"Baldwin?" You whispered, though it was Salauddin who moved first, removing his chaddar and bending down to cover you with it, but your eyes were fixated on Baldwin's face. Why is he... looking at you like that?

Wait. If Baldwin and Salauddin are here together, then it means there's no war. Which means-

"Are you okay? What happened?" Salauddin asked you, though before you could answer him, Guy began laughing.

"Okay? She's more than okay!" He smirked. "After all, she was spending some time with her secret lover!"

Both your and Salauddin's eyes went wide. It finally clicked why Baldwin was looking at you like that.

He thinks you and Abbas-

"No. That's not true-" You tried to speak but Guy cut you off.

"Of course it is! Look at you, holding his head in your lap so sweetly!" He accused before snarling at you. "And you chose a dirty Muslim to cheat on our King? The audacity! And the lack of taste."

You shook your head. "Thats not true. This is Abbas. He's a- a craftsman-" "Oh, I'm sure you were pretty crafty with him too." Guy cut you off.

"Shut up, Guy!" You snapped. "I came to get my valuables from him. It was a gift! I had them commissioned for- for you Baldwin!" You half lied.

"And where is that gift?" Guy interrogated.

"I was robbed. We both were-" "Oh how convenient!" You glared at him. He was framing you. You pointed at your clothes. "How else do you explain the torn clothes?!"

Guy hummed and you knew you were going to regret as soon as a disgusting smile crept on his face.

"Well, animals fuck with wild passion-"

"I WAS ROBBED!" You yelled. "Look, the thief even knocked out Abbas!"

"I dont see a head injury." Guy shrugged. "I just think he's passed out from drinking. Or maybe his stamina wore out-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Your face was red with rage, though to anyone else it may have looked like you were caught red handed in a lie. You calmed yourself down. You need to explain before things got worse.

"Baldwin, I'm not having an affair with Abbas. He's married-" Once again, Guy cut you off, this time waving his hands. "My king, it doesnt matter to these Muslims. They're into polygamy. Whats one wife, when you can have four?"

Of all the things, this is the one thing he knows about Islam?

You didnt detect one, not a single emotion of trust or love from Baldwin's stoic face. Is he- is he actually believing this bull?

Why wouldnt he? He's a man after all. And who knows what other lies Guy has been filling his head with to make him doubt your loyalty?

Enough is enough. You need to come clean.

"You know what Guy? I was going to keep this a secret to let you beg for forgiveness, but I think its time for the truth, hm?" You watched Guy's smirk falter. Enough games. You stared at Baldwin with determination. "Here's what has happened Baldwin: Charlotte didnt just happen to drop by Jerusalem. No, Guy summoned her by pretending to be you. Oh and I have that exact letter where Guy used your respectful name as proof. Guy exploited Charlotte and his plan was to use her and her son's illness to infect you so that you could die and he could get your throne."

Guy's face paled. But you didnt stop there.

"Of course, when that didnt work because you and I have an unbreakable bond, Guy decided to get rid of me." You looked at Salauddin. "When I left for Egypt and I was at Salauddin's camp, he had hired assassins to ambush us in the dead of the night and kill me or Salauddin, or both! If I were to die while I was with Salauddin, he would've convinced you that Salauddin was the one who killed me. And if Salauddin was dead, then it meant good news for Guy because he would have to deal with one less enemy after he took your throne."

"Lies! There's no proof-"

"No proof? Baldwin, did you realise that more than half of my entourage was missing? Its because they're dead. And if that isnt enough proof, then this might help-" You pulled up your sleeves to show your fading burn marks. "My back is full of these marks because the assassins left me to die in a burning tent. It was Salauddin who saved me!"

"And today? When we heard you were coming, everyone thought that there will be a war. I left the palace on my own, to find you Baldwin. I wanted to stop you from committing unnecessary bloodshed! I came to Abbas's house to get my gift for you, but Guy sent a thief after us! The thief knocked us out and he robbed us both!" You explained. "Didn't you ever wonder Baldwin- why Guy decided to accompany you today? Guy has never left Jerusalem, not even for a war, not to defend his people. He wouldnt leave the throne empty! He hopes, he prays and he plots for you to die everytime you leave Jerusalem so that he can finally be king!"

"BLASPHEMOUS!" Guy screamed, red in the face. "You wench-!"

"With all due respect Guy, which is NONE! I didnt think you would be smart enough to come up with such schemes. I underestimated you, which turned out to be mistake because you made Baldwin doubt me!"

Guy shook his head and stood in between you and Baldwin, acknowledging the stoic faced king first. "This is slander! All lies, Baldwin! I'm your brother-in-law! I would never betray you!"

"Never betray Baldwin? You aren't even loyal to Sibylla! I could have more than half of Jerusalem attest to that you've tried sleeping with other women! Adulterer!" Guy's eyes practically popped out of his socket and he screeched.

"You dare accuse me of cheating?! YOU?! You're the one who is locked in a dark room with a strange man in your lap like a fucking whore!" Not risking Baldwin's suspicion, Guy stormed towards you with his hand raised to strike you.

"You unfaithful, lying bitch-!" You heard the air being sliced and you flinched as you felt something splatter across your cheek.

Thud.

You looked down to where the sound came from.

Guy's head dropped in front of you.

Your ears began ringing. Slowly, your eyes trailed back up to where his body remained.

Headless body. That fell to its knees before dropping to the side.

You could hear the ringing get louder.

Baldwin stood there, his eyes full of rage, his hand holding his sword that had just cut off Guy's head.

He was breathing heavily, nostrils flared and a vein popped in his temple. Your heart dropped as his eyes landed on you and he moved towards you.

Your consciousness finally gave out.

Salauddin caught you but not for long as Baldwin made his way to you. Fearing for you, Salauddin tried to bargain for your life.

"Baldwin, she didnt-"

"Let her go. Now." Baldwin commanded, throwing Abbas's head off your lap. He didnt wait for Salauddin to move, simply taking you from his arms, ripping off the chaddar and replacing it with his cloak instead, before picking you up.

"Lets go home." He whispered in your ear before kissing your temple, pulling you snug against him as he walked out of the room.

-

You wake up to the feeling something wet on your legs. You jolt, eyes snapping open as you look for your potential assaulter-

"Isabella?" You croaked as you saw the young girl at the foot of the bed, her face red and eyes swollen from all the crying.

"P-princess." She greeted tearfully, holding a wet towel in her hand. Her lips wobbled as she spoke, nose bright red, sniffling as she stared at you with those big sad eyes.

"What's wrong?" You couldnt help but be soft with her. She just- she looked so pitiful.

She looked down, her hands clutching the towel tightly. "You- you were- you were gone for so many hours. I- I didnt know where you were- his majesty and the sultan- they were so mad- they were so concerned- i- i didnt think they believed me when I said I didnt know- where- where you were- i thou-thought you were-" Her tears cut off her hiccuping explanation. You didnt think she would be this distraught over you.

"Its... its okay, Isabella. You didnt do anything wrong. I'm... fine." You tried to calm her down, beckoning her forward. You sat up on the bed, taking the rag from her hands before holding her hands in yours. Giving them a gentle squeeze, you assured her. "I'm fine, Isabella. In fact, I should apologise for causing you all the trouble-" She shook her head. "No- princess- its my duty to serve-" You gave her hands another squeeze, calming her down.

"Thank you- oh. Isabella-" You looked at her hands, noticing something red peeking from her wrist. You pulled her sleeve up, realising that the redness was from the welts on her arms. "What happened?" You asked, turning her wrist around, noticing a small scratch.

She pulled her hands away, pulling down her sleeves as she sniffled. "N-nothing to worry about, princess-"

"Did you get injured? Are you okay?" She nodded. "I just- when I heard you were missing, it made me worry too much and I- I tend to scratch my arms when I'm stressed!"

You gave her sympathetic look, grabbing the cool towel from earlier and handing it to her. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Isabella. Here- take this. It'll help your skin, hm?"

"But the king asked me to wipe your sweat with this-"

"Its fine- wait? What sweat?"

She nodded. "We've been travelling through the desert for some days. His Majesty suggested I be the one to wipe you clean while you were unconscious." Now that you looked around, you realised you were in a tent, much different in design to Salauddin's.

Wait, desert?

"We've left Egypt?"

"Yes-"

She stopped speaking as soon as the sound of footsteps filled the room.

You stiffened at the sight of Baldwin.

Isabella had to only take one look at his face before taking her leave. Events of the last time you had seen him flashed through your mind, and you couldnt help but be scared of him when you remembered the murderous look on his face as he killed Guy. It is one thing to know that a king has killed people, perhaps even more brutally than this but after spending so many months with Baldwin, you had become accustomed to his soft nature. Never in your worst nightmares could you have ever imagined such a barbaric actions from him, and to his own brother-in-law.

It made you question everything, your own mortality- your own safety with him.

"How are you feeling?" He had his arms crossed behind his back as he made his way towards you. It took everything for you to not flinch back and beg for your life. No- no, you need to think smartly. If he wanted to kill you, he wouldve gotten rid of you back there-

Or maybe he has decided to torture you.

"I'm fine." You replied weakly, keeping your eyes on your lap. You dont want to risk pissing him off.

Maybe I should apologise, clear the air before he has any other doubts about me.

"I'm sorry." You said abruptly, finally looking up at him. His stoic expression didnt falter. This is not the Baldwin you knew, no. This was the king you had imagined when you first came here. Stiff and apathetic.

Taking his silence as a sign, you continued. "I'm sorry... for everything. For hiding the truth about Guy, for causing misunderstandings, for making you doubt me-"

"I never doubted you." He cut you off.

Your brows raised in surprise. He sighed sitting down on the bed besides you.

"I never doubted you, Y/n. Not once." He said with conviction."I didnt doubt you when Salauddin said you'd be with Abbas. I didnt doubt you when Guy raised false allegations. I didnt doubt you when I saw you in that dark room alone with that man. You could've been naked in there and I still would not have doubted you."

Your lips parted. What... what was he-

"You trust me? That much?" You couldn't help but whisper.

He smiled sadly. "I do. And more than that, I trust in my love for you." Baldwin looked down at his hands, still smiling gently. "I love you so deeply that I know you would never betray me. I have loved you the way I want someone to love me. My love for you... it is free of impurity, of imperfection. And thats how I know you would never betray me."

You couldnt help the tears that came in your eyes, and you looked down. How could he- how could he-

"If anyone should apologise, it should be me, Y/n." Your head snapped back at him. He was looking at you with genuine guilt. "I may have loved you deeply but I have failed to express it to you. Had I- had I done a better job, had I let you know just how much I feel for you, you wouldn't have hesitated to come to me. You wouldn't have felt the need to hide your traumas, your pain from me. You wouldn't have felt shy to get my help, to tell me your secrets. All of this could've been avoided if I had made you feel secure enough to come to me. I alone am responsible-"

"Baldwin." Your teary voice cut him off. You shake your head, sniffling at him. "This- this isnt your fault- I-"

"You did nothing wrong." He assured you, holding your hand. "Traps were set for you, but it was my job to save you from them. I am your protector, your shield. I owe my life to you. I owe everything to you."

A tear slipped from your eye. "I- I didnt think you'd save me. I thought you didnt trust me- I thought I lost you forever." You dont know why you said that, but they were true.

"I would've found you. I will always find you." Baldwin cupped your cheek, he felt his heart break at your confession.

"If I don't go to you Y/n, then where do I go?" And at that, the dam you'd been holding finally broke.

Baldwin immediately pulled you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you as you buried your head into his shoulder, sobs wracking your entire being. You dont know why you're crying, whether its because of Baldwin's pure love for you, or that Guy is dead because of you and you've ruined the timeline, or because you're mourning the loss of your time machine and its just dawning on you that you're stuck here forever.

He patted your back, rocking you gently like a child. "All my paths lead to you, Y/n. All my conquests bring me to you. Everything leads to you." He kissed your cheek, his hand petting your hair smoothly as you broke down in his arms. "You... you are the beginning and end of my everything."

Baldwin pulled you away and wiped your tears away with his thumbs. "I love you, Y/n. And I know you love me too. You may not say it, but I know deep down in your heart, you love me. I know you do-"

"I love you, Baldwin." You said.

His eyes went wide. "You don't have to say it-"

"I love you, Baldwin. I really do." You admitted.

Baldwin's shock was replaced with joy, a grin gracing his face as he cupped your face and kissed your forehead deeply.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me." He whispered before pulling you into his embrace.

-

Following this, you both began your journey back to Jerusalem. Every now and then, you'd start crying again because you'd realised just how much you were loved by Baldwin. You remembered the time when you saw him with Charlotte and you didn't give him a chance to explain. You had already decided that he was a cheater, he was disloyal. Yet when the tables were turned, when everything pointed against you and Baldwin had every right to find you disloyal, have you punished for even being in a locked room with another man, he trusted you. He didn't question your love for him. And even if you didn't love him back then, you respected him enough, both as a king and as a man and he still didn't ask for an explanation, let alone accuse you of adultery.

The rest of the trip home was spent with you crying and Baldwin consoling you like a toddler. No matter how many times your tears fell, he was right there to wipe them away and assure you that you did nothing wrong.

Did you love Baldwin? Maybe not back then, but you do now. Perhaps he was right. Maybe you did love Baldwin deep down, you just didn't know it.

And it's not like you don't have a choice either way. With your time machine lost, you can't leave this place. So, you've accepted your fate and agreed to marry him. Baldwin says the wedding preparations are mostly complete and the wedding day is on Sunday.

Today is Friday, when you both finally reach Jerusalem. It didn't dawn on you until now just how you were going to face Sibylla, the woman whose husband was killed because of you.

But Baldwin already had a plan. "Guy was buried in an unmarked grave outside of Egypt. I have instructed my knights to inform everyone that Guy had died a dishonourable death because he was a traitor to the crown."

"Traitor to the crown?"

He nodded. "I'll tell Sibylla I caught him cheating on her and plotting against me." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Its believable. She'll be upset, but she'll get over it. Besides, she deserves better than him. I have already found a list of suitors for her."

He truly has thought of everything.

-

Sibylla as expected was the grieving widow and after she welcomed you and Baldwin, she excused herself and left. You pitied her, she really did love Guy despite all his shortcomings. But she also respected her brother.

After a quiet dinner, you had returned to your room. You sat on your bed as you thought over the events of the past few days. Baldwin had assured you that he doesnt hold any hostility towards Salauddin. In fact, to further put your mind at peace, he told you that he had invited Salauddin to the wedding. As for Abbas, Baldwin said he doesnt know what happened to him but he's sure Salauddin didnt harm the man.

"Did you ever find your family?" Baldwin had asked earlier. You shook your head, telling him that you mistaken someone you thought was family.

"I know you would prefer to have the Nikkah first, before our actual wedding, but I wasnt able to find someone to marry us off in the Islamic way. But then-" He grinned, almost proud of himself. "I decided who better than Salauddin?! Since he'll be arriving on the day of the ceremony, he could walk you down the aisle and then later that day, he could do the Nikkah for us!" You could only smile and agree, what difference does it make what ceremony happens first? You're stuck here either way, and you're gonna be his wife soon.

You sighed and got up to dress into something more comfortable. As you removed your clothes, your hand found something in your underclothes.

The key.

You fiddled with it. Its useless now. The thief probably has broken your machine or sold it and it could be anywhere in the world now, also useless without this key here.

You put it back in your underclothes. Perhaps it'll be of use you can craft your machine again one day.

Lying in your bed, you thought about Guy. You didnt feel guilty, no. He had it coming, and it really was a matter of you versus him at the end. But what bothers you is how much you had underestimated him.

Guy's plan was perfect. There was no chance of escape for you. He had ambushed you and Salauddin, and when you narrowly escaped that attack, he brought Baldwin to Egypt to cause misunderstandings between him and Salauddin. And when they found you with Abbas, all his allegations were perfectly said. You're only here because Baldwin was far too much in love with you. He had no reason to not take Guy's words over yours.

You turned to your side and closed your eyes.

Perhaps God saved me.

-

Today is Saturday and Sibylla had taken you to get your dress fitted.

"Whats that?" You pointed at the huge frame, covered by silk as the servants struggled to hang it on the wall.

"Oh, you're not supposed to see it yet, but Baldwin had commissioned a portait of you. He wants to gift it to you tomorrow, so dont peek. He'd hate to miss your first reaction." She explained.

"You look... absolutely stunning." Sibylla praised as she looked at you in awe. She brought some jewellery to pair with your white gown. A diamond necklace, tear drop earrings, and-

The ring.

"Its the-"

"The exact same ring!" Sibylla finished for you, slipping it on your finger. "After yours was stolen by that thief in Egypt, Baldwin had the same ring made again by the royal jeweller within a day!" Your heart warmed at the gesture. Baldwin must've known you felt guilty over losing his family ring.

"Isabella, will you pass me the veil?" You asked. Isabella brought the soft veil and helped you wear it. As she was adjusting it, your eyes caught sight of her hands again.

"Oh, they didnt heal?" You gently grabbed her hands, taking note of the same red welts on her arms again. She pulled her hands from your grasp away.

"N-no, they healed princess. Its just- its that I'm stressed again! Thats why my skin is itchy and I- scratched them raw."

"Stressed? By what?" You asked.

"Oh- um, the wedding." She muttered. "Its- its not that I'm not excited for it, I am very happy for the union of you and His majesty, but its just we have very little time and there's so much to do-"

You giggled, nodding at her understandingly. "I see. Well, I apologise for causing you to stress. And I hope you know how much I appreciate your efforts."

"Its my honour to serve you, princess." She squeaked.

"Well, do get those checked out soon, Isabella. I dont want you getting sick." Sibylla advised the young girl who bowed her head before taking her leave.

Sometime later, after you had lunch with Baldwin, you decided to go to the gardens and... be by yourself for a while.

Planned or not, I'm getting married tomorrow. This will be my last day as a single woman and I... I should savour every moment left.

You were sitting in a cozy little spot in the royal garden. It was besides the huge bush maze, near the area where your time machine had first gotten burned by the maids accidentally. Speaking of maids, the small entourage had given you space and were standing near the maze, away from your eyes with some knights. They were all eager to please you, the future queen, if only to get a better status by you or Baldwin.

But you had already decided to make Isabella your lady-in-waiting. She deserves it, for everything she's done for you.

You laid down on the soft bed of grass, looking up at the sky as you wondered what will happen tomorrow. Well, nothing about the wedding, Sibylla had made you rehearse several times that you knew exactly how the ceremony will go tomorrow. No, you were curious about... how your wedding will impact the future.

Will you cease to exist? Will the world change because the crusades might not happen since a Christian king married a Muslim commoner? Will there-

Doves flew up in the sky. You smiled, recalling the doves in Abbas's house. You hoped he was alright now. Maybe he could attend the wedding-

Wait.

You sat up with a jolt at the realisation, heart beating fast as you connected the dots.

-

Isabella rushed to the gardens. A servant had told her that you had immediately summoned her. Fearing the worst, she hiked up her gown and ran as fast as she could.

She was out of breath by the time she found you. "You called for me, princess?" She gasped out. You hummed, standing beside a gilded cage of doves.

"Arent they so beautiful?" You asked her, beckoning her to come forward. "They are indeed." She agreed, standing beside you.

"I was thinking of releasing them tomorrow, outside the chapel. All the maids could hold them in their hands and release them as I walk out with the king. What do you think?"

She nodded. "Wonderful idea. I'll go and have it arranged-"

"Hm? Oh, I took care of that. Why dont you open the cage and hold this one for me?" You smiled at her as you made you took a few steps back. "And gloves off, Isabella. I want to see how you will look like tomorrow."

Isabella throat ran dry, She gulped looking at you, then at the cage before back at you.

"I- I cant hold the doves, princess. They'll slip out of my hands-"

"We have plenty here for you to practise. Dont worry. Now make haste." You crossed your arms in front of you and looked at her expectantly.

She parted her lips to say something, but then looked back at the cage. "Whats the matter? Dont know how to hold them?" You sighed before making your way back to the cage. "They're just tiny little birds, gentle ones really. They wont bite you, so I dont know why you fear them. Here, let me show you how to hold one." You opened the cage and carefully held the dove in your hands, petting it softly. "There, there."

You suddenly thrusted the bird in her direction, and Isabella jumped back. "What's the matter? Scared of birds?"

Isabella hesitantly nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry princess- I- I- dont like birds. I'm very much afraid of them." You nodded understandingly, before placing the bird back in the cage. "How very inconsiderate of me. Very well, off you go." Isabella bowed graciously and was about to leave when you suddenly grabbed her arm and rubbed a feather along her exposed arm.

"P-princess-!" She shrieked, trying to yank her arm out of your grasp but your grip didnt relent.

"Would you look at that?" You grinned looking at the area turning bright red. "Are you itchy now? Did I stress you too much?"

Isabella could only look at you in horror as you became angry.

"How stupid do you think I am?" You snarled before throwing her hand down. "That itchy red skin wasnt from stress, it was from birds!" Her eyes widened.

"You had me thinking that your tears, your red skin, your snotty sniffles was because you were soooo concerned for me. But you actually had the rose fever from birds!" You recalled seeing the scratch on her hands the day you had first seen her skin, which wasnt just random skin welts. They were hives, from her allergy to avian protein (or birds, in simple terms).

Isabella could only look at you in silence as you continued. "How long did you think you could keep this charade up? Did you honestly think I wouldnt find out?!" She kept quiet while you continued, which only made you angrier.

"It was you. You were the thief. You- only you knew when I would leave the palace. You followed me! And you stole from me?!" When she didnt speak, your threatened her.

"Say something before I tell the king how you attacked me!"

Isabella looked up, and she smirked.

"You have no proof."

You looked at her in disbelief. Instead of defending herself, denying all the things- she basically admitted to it all.

"Isabella, where are my belongings?" You asked her. "If you return my things, I wont let you stay here, but I will let you leave this castle on your two feet." You didnt bother asking her why she did it, you cant waste any more time. You need to get your time machine back.

She shrugged, playing with her nails. Now that she was caught, she didnt bother putting up her scared, demure little girl image. "It doesnt matter. You will never get it. And you're not getting rid of me either. After all, you have no proof of any of the things you accused me of."

"You think you're going to get away with it?" She hummed. "I already have, princess. Now, I will be returning to my duties to prepare for you wedding tomorrow. And I think we'll do no birds-"

You pulled out a knife, silencing her. She looked at the knife before smiling. "Are you really going to kill me? Did you forget how I overpowered you and Abbas back there?"

"I havent." You bring the knife up to your throat. "But if you dont tell me where my belongings are this instant, I will slit my throat and let you explain to the king how you killed me. Oh and you may think you can just sneak out of here, but remember, there's a whole entourage who saw you come here. They'll tell Baldwin you were the last person to see me, and then no matter where you run, Baldwin will hunt you down. Him and his Templar knights."

Her brows furrowed at your threat. "Princess, I dont-"

"Dont think for a moment I wont do it, Isabella. I'm mental." When she remained quiet, you pressed the blade harder into your neck, just enough for the skin to break and blood to pour, making her eyes wide.

"Okay! Okay- stop! I'll tell you."

-

Isabella lead you to a room inside the castle, hidden away in a corner. You had never been here before, you realised when you stepped inside. She pulled out a drawer from the desk, which had a false floor in it. Lifting the wooden panel, you saw all your belongings, including your time machine.

"Leave." You ordered her. Once you were alone, you pulled out the key from your underclothes and placed it inside. Saying a tiny prayer, you turned on the machine.

It worked. The tiny lights turned on. All you had to do was set the date and-

The machine was snatched from your hands. "Isabella drop-!" Your eyes widened at the sight of Baldwin holding the machine.

"What are you doing?" He asked you, looking at the machine.

"Baldwin, please give it back-"

"This?" He shook the machine in his hands. "Sure, you can have it." He smiled at you before bashing the machine to the ground.

"BALDWIN NO! STOP!" You tried to stop him, but Baldwin pushed you away and kept smashing the machine until its lights went out and they key broke.

"NOOOOO!" You finally snatched it from his hands but it was too late. The screen wouldnt turn on, wouldnt display the date no matter what you did. The key was broken.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" You cried out.

"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?!" Baldwin yelled. "What were you going to do with that? Leave me, the love of your life, to go where?! Back to heaven?!"

Heaven? No fucking way-

"Do you- do you actually think I'm an angel?" Oh god. The look on his face was enough to let you know that he was actually serious.

"You can deny it all you want, but I am your husband to be and you cannot lie to me! You appeared out of nowhere in my castle. You cured me, you brought that baby back to life and you have escaped death one too many times! You may think I'm a fool, but I'm the king of Jerusalem, head of the Church and you were sent to me by God Himself! YOU ARE MINE AND I WILL NOT LET YOU GO BACK!"

Oh God. Oh God, you're marrying a crazy person.

Wait.

"How did you know I was here?" Your brows knitted together when he didnt reply, still looking at you in rage. "Did Isabella-" You gasped.

Of course. OF-FUCKING-COURSE!

"She wasnt a thief. She was a spy!" You chuckled humourlessly. "All this time, I thought Guy was behind it all, but I knew- I knew he was too dumb to come up with such a plan. It was you! It was always you! You sent the Ismailis after me! You sent Isabella after me to steal my belongings and spy on me! You set me up with Abbas so that when you "saved" me, I'd fall for you! Oh and I'm sure you made it seem like Charlotte was also here because Guy had called her. You framed Guy just so that you could have an excuse to get rid of him!"

"I did it because I love you!"

"You hurt me because you loved me?" You whispered to him, tears flowing down your cheeks. "I almost burned to death because of you. And you say- no. Why did you do this, Baldwin? Why the hell did you do all this?!"

"I was- I was testing you." He answered, bending down on his knee to cup your face. "I... only wanted to see if you would come to me for help. If you truly trusted me, loved me enough to come to me." He wiped your tears away. "I'm sorry it had to happen this way, but it worked out in the end-"

"You dont test the people you love, Baldwin."

"Oh, come on. Even God tests his strongest believers-"

"YOU ARE NOT GOD!" You shrieked, pushing him away.

"I'm not, but I'm special to Him. He made you for me. He gifted you to me. He made you fall in love-"

"I dont love you!" You cried. "I can never love you! Never!"

Baldwin's face hardened. "You do love me. You said so yourself. Now, youre just saying nonsense out of hysterics. Calm down-"

"I hate you. I have never loathed anything as much as I loathe you. I would never love you, even if you were the last man on Earth. I fucking hate you."

Baldwin stared at your red face. "Well, I hope you can change your mind because we will be getting married tomorrow regardless." He tried to touch your face but you slapped his hand away. "Besides, I love you enough for the both of us."

-

Its Sunday. You were locked in your room with a whole infantry ordered to not let you out. You had cried the entire night at your loss, at your fate, at your stupidity. How could you have ever trusted Baldwin? And now you will have to marry this religious lunatic.

The maids did their best to dress you up and tried to mask your red, swollen eyes. And with Isabella in the room, you were sure she had told them to not comment at your pitiful state.

You were standing outside the chapel with Salauddin. Everything seemed to blur, the choir singing, the attendees- you couldnt focus on anything.

"Y/n." You finally looked up at Salauddin, who was looking at you with deep concern. "Are you okay?" He asked you, noticing your teary eyes and dull expression.

"No."

He wasnt expecting you to answer bluntly.

"Do you want to marry Baldwin?" He whispered.

"No."

"I can help you-"

"No." You sniffled. "No one can."

The knights stood outside the chapel doors, waiting for you to enter. A few ladies held your trail behind you. Salauddin cast a glance at them before passing you something in your hand discreetly.

"Abbas asked me to give you this."

You opened your palm to see-

A key.

The key!

But how did he make this? You never designed it-

You smiled. That genius. He must've used the other parts to figure out the design and crafted it.

Abbas, I'm sorry I dont give you enough credit.

"Give him my thanks. And a lot of money, hm?" Salauddin could only nod in confusion. You looked back at your ladies. "I need to pee." Their eyes widened at the use of such crass language, especially in front of the sultan.

"But princess, the ceremony is about to start-"

"Would you rather I pee in my gown?" You snapped.

"But there is no bathroom here-"

"Then be useful and find a sheet and a bush. Now!" They all scrambled away to find some bush. You looked at the knights in front of you. "Go inside and inform them of a delay. The princess has to take a shit."

They looked hesitant to leave. "I'm not taking off my underclothes in front of you men. LEAVE!" They hurriedly went inside and closed the door to give you privacy.

You looked at Salauddin. "Can I borrow your horse?" He nodded, helping you up on it.

"Where are you going? I'll come with."

You shake your head. "No. I have to go alone. And I suggest you go inside as well."

"Y/n-"

"Please, Salauddin. No more questions. I dont want to lie to you." You smiled at him.

Salauddin reluctantly went inside the chapel, and you rode the horse out of there. There was only so long before Baldwin realised you had left, so you needed to speed things up. Grateful that you had swapped your broken time machine during your heated argument with Baldwin. You placed the new key in, just as you heard the sound of galloping horses and Baldwin-

"Y/N!" You didnt pay attention as you sped off ahead, only stopping when you reached the edge of the cliff. Climbing down, you looked at your machine as you turned the key.

It didnt turn on.

No. No. No-

"Y/N! GET BACK HERE!" Baldwin yelled at you, getting off his horse as he made his way. His troops had surrounded the area so you couldnt escape.

You looked back at your time machine and you- you banged it with your hand. "Come on. Come on!" This had to work- you banged on it as you would bang on a TV set when it stopped working, on a remote when it didnt operate quite right.

"Did you think you could escape me?!" You looked up and Baldwin was a few feet away.

"Baldwin stop!" You took a step back, nearing the cliff. "I'll jump-I'll fucking jump, I swear!" He halted.

"Dont be stupid, Y/n. Come to me, and we can put this behind us-"

You banged on the machine, cutting him off.

The machine turned on.

You grinned as Baldwin stared at you, shaking his head. "Dont-"

You jumped, pressing the button and hoping you returned to your time. You hadnt been able to set the date cause of the broken buttons.

The last thing you heard was Baldwin screaming your name.

So what do you guys think? Yall better comment and send asks and reboots because i sacrificed lunch and dinner for this.

Also, what do u guys think will happen in the next part? Do you think she'll return home or to a new timeline??? And which era???👁👁

PART 8 is here!

[librarycards]

Hello! I am trying to read “the right to maim” by jasbir k puar and I am getting almost nothing out of it, bc of the depth + breadth of academic concepts :( I’m particularly frustrated by it bc it seems to talk about subjects I think about, talk about and do daily, like disability, transness, and (anti)colonialism. I’m most of the way through the intro and it’s gone almost entirely over my head except for a couple isolated paragraphs that are meaningful.

Do you have any advice for how I can get the most out of this book? My main limiter is time, bc I got it out from the library and it is highly requested so I can’t have it for very long

Hi anon! First of all, in terms of time, I recommend piracy. I recommend it in general. I'm not going to post links here in order to protect the places I use, but dm me if you want them.

If you're having difficulty with the concepts (which makes sense - right to maim is a challenging book!) I recommend going back to basics with some background reading. You can get some of Puar's rec'd background reading from the bibliography, and from the keywords she uses in the preface of the text. a few that I see (i'm looking at the PDF now) include debility, rhizome/rhizomatic, soverignty, biopolitics, homonationalism, impairment [in the disability studies sense], precarity, and neoliberalism. if i was teaching this preface, i'd have students break down each of these terms (and probably others, this is just from a skim) using outside readings. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when jumping into a scholarly text w/o any context, and most people who use and cite this book have past experience reading Puar's interlocutors and existing familiarity with this language.

you can get up-to-date while reading using resources in tandem with this text. For example, you can read Puar's discussion of debility at that link to get a sense of the context. You can read a decent summary of Foucault (the coiner of the term "biopower") and his thought at Brittanica. I recommend using Google Scholar for terms you're not familiar with, and taking quick notes so that you don't have to google them all over again each time. if you think you have enough context with a new word but aren't 100%, keep reading and use other clues. think about academic reading like learning a new language. the strategies are very similar! because it basically is.

I recommend using the annotation strategies i just mentioned in this post (and/or developing your own). i also recommend looking up Puar's talks on youtube - she's a well-known scholar who does a lot of events, and has spoken extensively about this book and its genealogy (especially in relation to praxis / Palestinian liberation). You can also read her talk with the hosts of Death Panel, my absolute favorite podcast.

Below, I'm going to give you an example of how I close-read, annotate, and analyze a paragraph from Right to Maim (and, by extension, other academic texts. This strategy may not work for you 100%, but hopefully it gives you some solid suggestions. Overall, remember that learning to read scholarly work takes time. A long ass time. Even when it's about things you've experienced yourself! Academia has its own conventions, verbiage, knowledge base, etc, and it's a learning curve for everyone. Don't expect yourself to read as fast or get as much as someone more familiar with the conventions of academic writing - anticipate reading all of these works many, many times, and getting more with each reading. Progress is more important than perfection, and improvement, even if slow, *will* happen, as long as you don't give up. <3

Below is a quote from the preface to Right to Maim, where Puar lays out her argument. I recommend everyone highlight/remember paragraphs like these (pretty much every ac text will have something like this in the beginning as a roadmap) to anchor their reading practice and help them get the most from a book (emphasis mine):

In The Right to Maim, I focus less on an impor­tant proj­ect of disability rights and disability studies, which is to refute disability as lack, as inherently undesirable, and as the sign, evidence, or fetish of injustice and victimhood. I am not sidestepping this issue. Rather, I centralize the quest for justice to situate what material conditions of possibility are necessary for such positive reenvisionings of disability to flourish, and what happens when those conditions are not available. My goal ­here is to examine how disability is produced, how certain bodies and populations come into biopoliti­cal being through having greater risk to become disabled than ­others. The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography.

In the bolded part, Puar outlines what she's not doing: she's not taking a mainstream (white, colonial) disability studies approach, which is, in her words, to refute disability as "lack." She's stating that her goal isn't simply to prove disabled people as equal to able-bodied people, or to claim that disability can be good and liberating (though it is/can be!). Her point is to look at the conditions in which people become disabled, and stay disabled. Often, these conditions are violent and unjust. Acknowledging this injustice kinda throws a wrench into western models of disability pride.

So, if she's not interested in just arguing that disability ≠ badness, what is she arguing? she's looking, in the latter half of the paragraph, to how people become disabled in multiple ways. One, using the verbiage in the book, she's interested in how people become debilitated - physically incapacitated in a way that may not line up with the social category of "disability"). She's also interested in how "disability" as a social identity is constructed - that is, why do disability rights groups look at Palestinians maimed by the IOF and see an injured civilian, but not a disabled comrade? words and context matter immensely. she's looking at why, and what are the implications.

that last sentence sums up the distinction she's making: "The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography."

the difference, she argues, between disability as western disability studies sees it and debility as experienced by people under colonial occupation isn't because we experience our bodyminds differently, or because Palestinians (for example) magically aren't as hurt by occupation as their white/western counterparts would be. rather, the reason she's using debility over disability is because the category of disability isn't objective: it's informed by biopolitical forces such as the ones she listed. her meta-argument is that what we call "disability" can't be divorced from its settler colonial context, not because colonized peoples are immune to disabling violence, but because the category of disability (and health, and violence) is itself affected by settler colonialism.

in "right to maim," Puar is offering a major shift in the way we collectively discuss disability, because the category is not applied equally across sociopolitical, geographical context. it means Palestinians and others living under occupation are either left out entirely, or unsuccessfully co-opted into western-/colonizer-centric disability discourse that doesn't acknowledge the different conditions under which they live. ultimately, "right to maim" means to make that difference, and its implications, visible.

Let me know if this makes sense! it's wordy and tedious, but lots of academic texts are. i hope that breakdown helps you make some more sense of Puar's main argument/the architecture of the text, and maybe serves as a model for future engagement. :)

[eirianerisdar]

Top 20 Charlos Moments

Was talking to my twin @wafflesrisa about Charlos during Imola FP1 earlier and I decided to rank the most insane Charlos moments in order - ranked purely on moments that show just how much they're friends, not just teammates

This is just my own preference and it'll be different for everyone, but here a (non-exhaustive) list:

1. Bahrain 2024 crochet chili

"I want to gift this to you. From my fan to me, to you. So you will remember me for the rest of your life." "A chili!!" "For our post Teammate Era." "Ay we are only starting the season!" Carlos: "You will forget [the chili] there." Charles, softly: "No I won't." Also feat. nearly crying in the car afterwards

2. Miami 2024 Water flick

Carlos doesn't even look at the glass in the couple seconds before he flicks the water at Charles. He's looking at Charles and smiling. Charles gets a little overwhelmed with the affection and gets shy (bonus Ferrari team member being us looking at them)

3. Canada cotton ball lean

The cutest moment in this isn't Carlos telling Charles to admit that Carlos won. It's them both Zendaya laughing at each other when Charles gets caught cheating and Charles having this moment looking at the back of Carlos' head where he gets so overwhelmed with affection he collapses his whole weight into Carlos' side. Their caps bonk. It is cute.

4. Zandvoort 2022 headphone exchange -

Carlos, fixing Charles' headphones: "Put them properly eh? I know you very well." Lissie: "NO, YOU GUYS ARE VIBING TO DIFFERENT SONGS." Charles: "WE FOUND LOVE IN THE HOTTEST PLACE -" *C2 wheeze-laugh at each other and exchange headphones by placing them on each other's faces* Lissie: ...

5. Miami 2024 "I know you too well now"

Charles knowing he knew Carlos well enough to speak for him, and Carlos nodding silently in agreement. Then vice versa, Charles then having unshakable faith in Carlos' understanding of himself. Fist bumps. Fondness.

6. The kiss kiss saga: Charles' rayban kiss. 2023 Bracelet kiss kiss. 2023 music challenge kiss.

The first one especially gets me because it's a solid 5 seconds of Charles looking at Carlos, going FRIEND! MY FRIEND! and going *air kiss*

7. 2023 Abu Dhabi waist pinch and DTS Bahrain waist pinch

Waist pinches run in the Sainz family. Charles knows it's Carlos without needing to look by the time Abu Dhabi rolls around

8. 🎵Just the two of us🎵

Do I even need to say anything

9. Bahrain 2022 1-2 podium hug and butt pat

I can't find the video but Charles stepped up to the top step and instantly was like I HAVE TO HUG MY TEAMMATE I AM TOO HAPPY NOT TO HUG MY TEAMMATE AND SHARE THIS WITH HIM

10. Cookie decorating

So much happens in this video. The complete lack of personal space. The comfy sofa. The vocal stims. Twinning. Carlos sings "Dancing in the Moonlight," and Charles whistles it a bit later. Icing to the cheek. Teasing.

11. Zandvoort 2023 catch up

Charles forgetting they did spend the last bit of summer break further away from each other because they spent so much of the first part of summer break not far from each other. Also again. Carlos loves his personal space, Charles also loves Carlos' personal space

12. Carlos: "I'm not going to be here." Charles: *flinches*

13. TELL CHARLES TO COME CLOSE TO ME AND WE CELEBRATE THIS ONE TOGETHER/helmet pats/gentlest hug in parc ferme /podium champagne

I can't find the video of the hug but it's so gentle and Carlos leans his cheek into Charles' and I die

14. Love Honey Sweetie Baby Darling

They just pick up pet names and exchange them like lego

15. OG music challenge squishes/holding hands in OG quiz with wrenches

16. Abu Dhabi 2022 end of season message

Charles was plainly trying to smile for the camera but rightly upset with not having the championship year he wanted, but his smile turned genuine when Carlos hugged him and said Charles at least deserved P2 in Abu Dhabi for the great year he had driving incredibly well

17. Mexico separation anxiety Charles (Edit: posted initially with wrong link, updated now)

18. Zandvoort 2023 fond eye rolls

19. Carlos' 2022 birthday

They're insufferable. Charles' whinging is cute too

20. Carlos looking somft when imagining racing Le Mans with Charles

"With Charles," he says, while his press officer smirks

Feel free to add to this I just went down a wormhole of Charlos feels

[briefalpacashark]

~A little brawl~

You decide to show case a bit of your skill to stamp out the ego of a new solider. And you get in trouble.

================================================

You and your team were posted to some random desert somewhere to complete a mission. Having already done so you were gifted with a few days of rest before your transport back home arrived. Price was loving the time off reclined in a dingy old fold out chair that looked on the verge of breaking. A cigar pinched between his teeth and a cold beer in the other hand. His hat sat over his face.

“Working hard or hardly working?” You asked with a grin walking up to him a pile of reports tucked under your arm. 

“Can't you tell?” he asked gesturing to himself. 

“Medical reports you were after,” with a grunt he sat up taking the reports from you.

“So how are the boys?” he asked.

“Honestly don't know how long you guys survived without a medic,” you shock your head in bewilderment. 

“Where are they anyway, haven't seen em all morning,” you said.

“Oh, the little shites are playing with their new friends,” he jabbed his chin across the ways where a small group of soldiers had formed. Once you had finished business with Price you walked over, interested in whatever was happening. Spotting Ghost a head taller than the rest you made your way to his side. The acknowledgment that you had arrived was simply a sideways glance.

“What's going on here?” You asked as your eyes settled on a makeshift ring, its outline defined by a stray circle of rope set on the ground. A ring where Gaz currently was getting his ass handed to him. Your grimaced as his opponent landed a powerful hit. On the other side of the ring stood the team you had been working alongside. A group of grad A assholes.  An American team.

“Wanna place a bet?” Soap asked taking a sip of his beer stepping up to your other side.

“I hate to be honest, but Gaz doesn't look like he'll win this fight,” You chuckled under your breath.

“Oh we khen that. We bettin on how long he’ll last,” Soap stated with a grin. All your attention was brought back to the ring when the fight ended with basically a knockout. Money was passed around as you and the boys slipped into the ring helping Gaz to his feet and gently hauling him out. Sitting him down you tried to hide your smirk as you woke him up with a few gentle slaps on the cheek.

“What happened?” he asked.

“You just got ya ass handed to ya by an American,” Soap was far to entertained by the fact. 

“Follow my finger,” You ordered Gaz checking for a concussion. 

"Alright aright come on my turn," a young cocky bloke from the other term stepped into the make shift ring. He had been a constant annoying fly that seemed to hand around you. You had politely declined his advances. More than once. You though he got the point, after all he had left you alone for a bit.

"Come on Jimmy!" his squad encouraged him. Jimmy was his name.

"Whos it gonna be?” the soldiers all asked. 

"How about the bitch of 141?" he asked nodding to you. Your teams smiling faces dropped as the atmosphere did a one sixty. You pressed your lips together. 

“I'm good thanks,” you waved dismissively. 

“Huh, that's fine. What can you expect from you lot anyway,” he chuckled. You lot? The insult was weak, but it was there.

"Watch your mouth private," Soap's tone showed how quickly his patience for the other squad was becoming.

“Fuck off Pom, or come settle it in the ring,” Jimmy was a cocky young bloke. And little was known about the 141. so, he didn't really understand what he was offering. Well, the severity of it.

“Pom!?” Soap exclaimed in shock. Calling a Scots man British was just about the worst thing you could do. At that very moment Soap looked like he was about to rip the head of the poor lad.

“You know what, why not?’ you asked cheerfully patting Soaps shoulder as you passed him, gently pushing his back to Ghost.

“Look out, her she comes. Anybody got a set of gloves on them. Wouldn't want to catch whatever she's spreading. After all her teammates seem very fond of her,” You wondered where he got to gal of it all. Possibly little dog syndrome.

“Hey man, for your own benefit I would shut the fuck up,” Gaz words of wisdom were swept to the side. Unacknowledged by the confident young solider.

"What you got what she got?" he smriked.

Soap took a step forward only to be stopped when you held out your arm to stop him.

“Come on Soap. Rember what Price said. We need to play nice with the little new soldiers,” the team was barely out of training. It was maybe there third real mission. And Price had told you all to behave.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Soap asked with a little hit of worry as he glared down Jimmy. 

"I can look after myself Jonny. Plus, someone's gotta curve this kids' ego," you joked unbuttoning your outer shirt.

"You have faith in me right Ghost?" you asked half jokingly.

"Haven't see it personally but I believe you could take me down. So this fucker aint got a chance," he shrugged simply his tone serious. You propped an eyebrow at him. You didn't know he felt that way. You were sort of chuffed. After all Ghost was good in a hand to hand combat situation.

"Wow Ghost, didn't know you felt that way about me," You joked with a wink. You didn't stay to see his reaction as you stepped into the ring those watching letting out cheers. 

"Looks like your used to that," Jimmy muttered as you undressed your outer layer, his eyes resting shamelessly on your chest.

"What are the rules?" you asked shaking your jacket off. Everyone was surprised at the amount of muscle you had. Your frame was small but toned. Plus your team had never really seen your body. Soap let out an impressed whistle at your bear arms.

"Everything goes. No one kills and you tap out when you're done," Jimmy said rising his fists as he smirked.

"What about breaking bones?" you asked throwing your jacket to the side and rolling your shoulders. Your opponent was slightly put off with how calm you were.

"I don't know about breaking, but I've sure got one bone for you,” he winked his statement earning chuckles from his team. You looked your opponent up and down, he was pretty, but not your type. 

“I'm flattered but I don't have my magnifying glass on me right now,” This time your own team chuckled. You smirked slightly reaching behind you to take your phone out of your pocket. You had looked down to find a place to throw it. An explosion of pain snapped to your right cheek sending you stumbling. 

“Slut,” You straightened up feeling the coppery taste fill your mouth. He had punched you; he hadn't waited till the little bell had rung. A deep chuckle left you lips as you gathered the blood in your mouth and spit it to the side. Slut, you hated that word.

“The fuck was that!” Soap yelled in anger only being held back by Ghost. Why, because he had full confidence in what you were about to do.

“We hadn't started yet,” you chuckled rage bubbling inside you.

“Everything goes,” he shugged.

“Yeah, everything goes,” you nodded. Now you were a calm person, you were reasonable and rational. But the guy in front of you was cocky. And you so wanted to repay his for every unwanted advance he put forth.

You stalked forward your eyes narrowing in at him, then as you stepped right up to him you let lose. It was so quick he was barely able to throw up a block. Your fist cracked into his nose with such precision and speed that he fell back onto his ass. In a daze he stumbled back to his feet as you shock out your hand. He had a hard head. 

“Get em Love!” Soap cheered for you.

He threw a wild hay maker to which you simply ducked under. Delivering another punch you aimed for his kidney. The hit crippled him, he fell to one knee. Taking his head in hand you brought it down onto your knee. You weren't a violent person, but you knew how to end a fight quickly. After all it was those skill that kept you alive. And while you never took any pleasure in it you felt a slight tingle of satisfaction.

Pushing him back you gave him a minute to breathe through the daze.

“Tapping out?” You asked. He looked like he wanted to. His anger flared at the sympathetic look you gave him. At how quickly you had managed to beat him. And how pathetic he looked because of it.

“To a slut like you?” he asked stabling to his feet. He was in no position to fight. You almost felt bad for what you had done.

“Come on mate, you can barely stand. Let's call it a day yeah?” you were happy to keep going, but you were actually worried for the boy now. 

“Fuck you,” he seethed. Your forced a smile.

“Well then I'm tapping out,” you said tapping your thigh. You didn't want to continue, and you thought that would be the end of it. So, you turned your back to them. So, you didn't see the coward punch Jimmy threw. You didn't see it heading for your head. What you did see was a mass of black crowd your vision. Ghost had appeared Infront of you. You frowned as his arm shoot past your head, seeming to catch something. At the quick movement you jerked around following his arm to see he had caught the punch inches from your head. In one swift movement Ghost had swept you behind him as he twisted the man hand in painful position.

“Now that was just plane stupid,” Ghost stated as Jimmy cried out dropping to his knees at the pressure. In an instant both squads were at each others throats, yelling and throwing insults.

“You alright love?” Ghost voice broke through the commotion as he back over his shoulder at you while he still held the man in the hand lock.

“Y-Yeah,” you nodded.

“Keep your bitch on a leash!” Someone from the other team yelled. 

“I'll put ye in a leash!” Soap snapped. Thats all that was needed. After that all hell broke loose.

So, there you sat. back in your own base tent that you shared with the boys. You were all lined up in a row. You and Soap sat in the middle the widest grins on your busted up faces. The insults throw quickly resulted in a brawl. One you had originally tried to break up before getting caught up in it. Ghost sat on the other side of you, his mask covering some of the hits he took. Gaz sat on the other side of Soap shaking his head at the two of you. 

Price stood in front of you all an angry expression on his face. 

Do you remember in school when you would look at your best friend and just randomly start laughing. Well, that's what happened to you when you peeked at Soap out the corner of your eye. You both broke out into laugher that sounded strangled as you tried to keep it in.

“I can't even leave you unsupervised for one fucking second,” Price pinched the bridge of his nose.

“They started it,” Soap interjected.

“Shut up,” Price snapped. Soap ducked his head his smirk widening.

“He tried to get her when her back was turned,” Ghost stated nodding down to you.

“Well, still did you have to beat the shit out of them?” Price words brought proud smirks to all your faces. Compared to the four of you the other team looked to be just out of commission. In the end you all delt worse than you were given.

“They were talking shit. Had to set them straight,” Gaz explained with a shrug.

“I understand that, but all I'm asking for is a little self-control. I mean who put that lads head through that brick wall?” Price put and emphasis on the word brick. You all turned to Ghost who had personally express delivered Jimmy's head to the other side of the wall. Under the attention Ghost simply shrugged and looked away. 

“You're all on tent arrest,” Price declared. You all groaned and began to protest slightly. 

“Enough!” he snapped.

“This is what happens. When you misbehave you get privileges taken away,” You and Soap once again tried to hold back your laughter. It was like he was scolding a group of toddlers.

“And your two smart asses are on clean up duty,” he declared pointing to the two of you.

“Ha,” Gaz chuckled.

“Fucking kids,” Price grumbled as he walked away. There were a few moments of silence as you all came to terms with the consequences you faced.

“That was defiantly worth it,” you stated.

"Defiantly," - Gaz

"Fuck yeah," - Soap

"Should have done worse," - Ghost.

Another moment of silence passed around you before you all chuckled softly. You could even see Ghost shoulder shake slightly. You looked up to him with a thankful smile.

"Thank you," you whispered. To your utter shock and bewilderment he glanced down at you.

AND WINKED!

"Anytime love," he stated before getting up and walking away. Leaving you to wonder if what you had seen was an illusion or not.

================================================

--COD Master List Here--

================================================

[room-surprise]

Dungeon Meshi is about Kabru trying to solve The Trolly Problem. The dungeon is the trolly, and Laios is the switch (and also the victim.)

Please note that this post isn't for or against any ship, I'm simply trying to explain what actually happens in canon, as opposed to the funny memes that people like to joke about. EDIT: Because of some comments I've received: I am not saying Laios is a bad person, that he'll be a bad king, or that Kabru hates him or thinks he's a bad person!

---------------------------------------------------------

I've seen people describe what happens between Kabru and Laios in Dungeon Meshi as either "playing yaoi mind chess/tennis" or "one guy is playing chess and the other guy is eating the pieces, and the chess player doesn't understand why he's losing", however, I don't think EITHER of those things come even remotely close to what happens in Dungeon Meshi.

A chess game is being played, and Kabru is involved, but Laios is a pawn, not a player.

The dungeon on the island, and the island itself, has been fought over by the western elven empire and the eastern dwarves/gnomes for a very long time. The fact that the region is currently at peace is an anomaly, the normal state has been war, most likely for thousands and thousands of years, since the time of the Ancients.

That is because the northwestern corner of the Eastern Continent is the border region between the elves and the dwarves/gnomes and that is why there is a solid line of dungeons dividing the world there. The dungeons are essentially evidence of ancient trench warfare between the opposing groups.

The elves have been trying to invade the east, and the dwarves/gnomes have been trying to keep them out.

In order to stop fighting endless wars over this border, the elves and the dwarves/gnomes have allowed the short-lived races to rule the area, rather than try to claim it for themselves, or allow their enemy to claim it. The island/Golden Kingdom is a textbook definition of a buffer state.

The dwarves/gnomes broke that peace by attacking the Golden Kingdom a thousand years ago, but they failed to conquer the land. The Golden Kingdom vanished, and all that was left behind was the island. The elves assigned governorship of the island to a tall-man family, and the elves and the dwarves/gnomes have been at peace since then.

Six years before the story of Dungeon Meshi begins, an entrance to a dungeon opened on the island, and now the two long-lived groups are interested in taking the island back again, to regain control of the dungeon.

The people of the Golden Kingdom and the orcs are the two local groups that live on the island. There's also the non-local dungeon industry people who live there, a lot of poor people with weapons that are trying to get rich quick by exploiting the dungeon. In other words, adventurers with weapons and nothing to lose.

But what these three groups might want doesn't really matter to the long-lived races. The elves are planning to take back control of the island, and the dwarves/gnomes are preparing to go to war to stop them from doing so.

Kabru is playing chess with them, the elves, the dwarves and the gnomes, to try and place a tall-man figurehead in control of the dungeon. Laios doesn't even know that a chess game is being played, and that he's involved in it. He just wants to help the orcs and the people of the Golden Kingdom, but he doesn't want to be king, and his goals are completely unrelated from everything Kabru is trying to accomplish.

That means Kabru and Laios are not playing a game against each other.

(Spoilers for the rest of Dungeon Meshi beneath the cut)

Kui introduces Kabru as if he were a rival to Laios as a red herring, so that readers worry that this scary guy who is very good at killing people might be coming after Laios and his party.

But that never happens, because he isn't actually Laios' rival or his competition, because they don't want the same things.

Laios wants to save Falin, and, if possible, find a way to live in the dungeon for the rest of his life, like Senshi does, so he can be around monsters and away from human society. He doesn't know that this is impossible until maybe the last dozen chapters of the manga. He believes this is the solution he has been searching for, a way for him to finally be happy.

It's impossible because if dungeons are allowed to continue existing, they will eventually cause the end of the world. Can't keep living peacefully in the dungeon if the world ends and you're dead.

(takes a deep breath)

Kabru wants to make sure the dungeon doesn't collapse and overflow with monsters that will massacre the people on the surface. In his ideal world, all monsters would be extinct. This isn't a rational or feasible goal, and Kabru probably isn't actively pursuing it because he knows it's unrealistic, but all monsters being gone forever is what Kabru wants in his heart.

So a dungeon ruled by someone who wants there to be as many monsters as possible is Kabru's worst nightmare, because it is like a nuclear reactor just waiting to have a meltdown.

Once he learns about Laios' monster obsession, Kabru is afraid such a meltdown is exactly what will happen if Laios conquers the dungeon, even though Laios isn't a bad person. He's afraid Laios' inherent nature will cause a catastrophe.

The obvious solution is to kill Laios to prevent him from getting further involved, but this is incompatible with Kabru's morals. He's willing to kill people, but only if he judges them deserving of death. Laios is weird and antisocial, but he's not malicious or immoral. It would be wrong to kill him, even if doing so potentially could save many lives.

But to complicate matters further, Kabru also has an additional goal: He wants a tall-man to take control the dungeon for political reasons.

Because this hypothetical tall-man will have control over a dungeon, Kabru hopes they will gain the knowledge of how and why the dungeons are so valuable to the long-lived races, and this knowledge will give the tall-man country the power they need to interact on an equal level with the long-lived races, something that currently doesn't happen.

When the world leaders discuss what to do in Dungeon Meshi, only elves, dwarves and gnomes are present. No other races are involved in the conversation.

Kabru wants a tall-man ruled kingdom to be a part of deciding global policy, something they are currently denied.

Kabru does not care who the tall-man who conquers the dungeon is, he originally wanted to do it himself, but he realized that he was very bad at exploring the dungeon, and so he began searching for anyone who could do it for him. Whoever conquers the dungeon, Kabru intends to place himself near them and find a way to control what they do, or even replace them with himself or someone else who he finds more suitable, if necessary.

Kabru decides to push Laios to conquer the dungeon not because he thinks Laios will do a good job (he doubts it up till the very last chapter of the manga, and he's constantly afraid of what Laios' monster obsession will lead to), but because Laios is the only option Kabru has left, and he has run out of time.

The elves have arrived and they are trying to claim the dungeon for themselves. The dwarves/gnomes are preparing for war with the elves to resume.

Kabru clearly expresses that he is only pushing Laios to conquer the dungeon as a temporary solution, and that he will figure out what to do with Laios later, once the threat of the long-lived races is over.

Meanwhile: Laios does not want to rule a dungeon, an island, or a country.

He ran away from home to avoid having to run a small village, and though he wants to help Yaad, the people of Merini and the orcs, he does not want to be king. He's hoping that he can somehow help them and leave afterwards.

Laios doesn't pay attention to politics until the orcs and then Yaad make him start thinking about them. He most likely has never thought about global politics, and has never imagined a world where tall-men hold power outside of small, rural kingdoms with no international influence. For most ordinary people, such ideas would probably seem revolutionary, crazy and impossible.

At the end of the manga, the island has suddenly lost its primary value (the dungeon). It is no longer essential for the long-lived races to immediately control it. They can wait and see what happens next, if the dungeon is going to come back or not, and make their next move whenever it suits them.

Laios becomes king because he is the only person that all the groups involved can agree upon. Allowing a tall-man to rule is just a return to the status quo of the past, which the long-lived races were happy with for a long time.

Most likely the long-lived races think that Laios is no better and no worse than any other random tall-man they could allow to rule the territory. They would have been equally happy with the old governor, or Yaad, or anyone else. The only benefit of choosing Laios is that they don't have to force the Golden Kingdom, the orcs, or the huge amount of armed adventurers who have suddenly become unemployed (and probably outnumber the elves and the dwarves/gnomes) to accept him.

They want to keep the mob pacified, and themselves out of a war.

But none of this is because anyone aside from Yaad and the orcs, and a few random adventurers think that Laios is particularly wonderful. Yaad believes in a false prophecy that says Laios should be king, and the orcs believe that Laios is the only potential ruler that won't eventually carry out a genocide against them, so of course they support making him king.

(It is, apparently, considered normal for humans of all races to kill orcs on sight, so Laios' revolutionary new policy of "leaving the orcs alone" obviously makes him popular with the orcs.)

To all of the world leaders, Laios is simply convenient and will allow them to back down from the war they were about to start, but didn't really want to be fighting.

NOW, to return to Kabru:

When the threat of the dungeon appears to be neutralized at the end of the story, Kabru returns to his original secondary goal: he wants a tall-man to take over the Golden Kingdom, rather than let the elves, dwarves or gnomes have it. The new Golden Kingdom's access to the remains of the dungeon may provide political leverage in the future, since nobody KNOWS that the dungeons are actually neutralized and that they'll never come back.

Laios is the only person Kabru can push to take this role, the only one that all the groups involved will accept, and Kabru doesn't care that Laios doesn't want to do it. So Kabru and Yaad immediately recognize that they want the same thing, and they both start pushing Laios to be king together.

It should be noted though, that even though Kabru makes this choice, during the feast he still has doubts! What if making Laios king leads to the new Golden Kingdom becoming a haven for monsters? What if Laios was the wrong choice?

And Kabru says he will continue to worry about this for the rest of his life. Meaning that he's planning to stay in the kingdom and shepherd it to success, but also that he will never fully trust that Laios won't accidentally cause a monster-fueled massacre. If there's no dungeon to magically breed monsters, maybe Laios will just start importing them the old fashioned way! There's lots of ways an antisocial king that loves monsters could cause problems.

So..... in conclusion: Kabru and Laios aren't playing chess against each other.

....................

...............................

............................................

Now, there are two characters that DO play mind chess in Dungeon Meshi: Kabru and Mithrun.

They do this for exactly two chapters, and then they immediately switch to playing cooperative pairs tennis instead, because they realize they (mostly) want the same things, and working together will be more beneficial than working against each other.

Reminder: I am not saying the fact that Kabru and Mithrun play mind chess is "canon proof of yaoi", or the fact that Kabru and Laios don't play mind chess is proof that shipping them is wrong. All I am saying is that Laios and Kabru do not play mind games against each other, and Mithrun and Kabru do. That's all!

I could keep going but I will stop lmao.

If you got this far and you liked reading what I had to say, you should check out my pinned post about the other Dungeon Meshi stuff I write/do.

[calliopesdiary]

i’m your biggest fan in the whole wide world please write a xaden riorson x reader where she is injured…she was attacked in her room and was cut bad. she doesn’t have anyone to go to and the healers are on a off campus trip so she dosebt know what to do…she just killed a guy and is now bleeding wondering the halls praying to find help. Behind her she hears the voice that woild bring shivers down the spines of any cadet…xaden (who she is terrified of and doesn’t trust) her wing leader .

tysm for requesting, lovely! i recently finished this book <3

I'm Tired.

xaden!riorson x fem!reader

a/n; first time writing for xaden! woo! and you basically take violets place (:

contents; cussing, xaden being mean, reader gets injured, big buff scary big buff dragon man, fluffy fluffy fluff fluff

you clutched your bleeding abdomen with agony, stumbling your way to the lavatory with blood pooling out of your stomach.

and you couldn't see.

you were attacked unexpectantly by an unbonded cadet who wanted to murder you for your dragons bond.

that's how you ended up here, bleeding out and desperately searching for a beacon of light.

and in this case, yours was Xaden Riorson, your stern wingleader.

he leaned against the wall, his toned check bare and his arms crossed over it.

"what the fuck happened, Y/N?!"

he rushed to your bleeding side, still keeping up his stoic act. he wrapped his arms protectively around you as you attempted to walk, lifting you up off your feet and placing you onto the basin.

"get the fuck away from me-!" you didn't trust Xaden, he was the last person who you wanted to help you.

"y/n, calm the fuck down."

"X-Xaden i can't fucking see, i'm scared."

you whined in pain as he flipped you over onto your back.

"you didn't answer me."

"t-these people c-came into my room- and they stabbed me and- everything hurts and i can't see."

you were clearly having a panic attack, at the very worst time.

"y/n, you need to calm down. i'll help you, you need to calm down."

you breathed heavily, the anxiety bubbling into you hurt worse than the open wounds across your entire body.

"stay with me, y/n, stay with me."

"i-i'm trying."

he gave you a sleeping drought to stitch you up, his arms still tightly holding onto you.

-

the ointment stung on your wounds, as you slowly woke up.

"o-ow." you grunted, trying to shift over.

"stop movin' god damnit."

was xaden riorson... man handling you?

he patched you up, you still couldn't really see but he had assured you it would be long until you could again.

"how do you feel?"

he lifted you up off the floor and onto your knees.

"Tired."

"it'll wear off."

"i'm sorry.." you felt hot tears flood up the vision you had left, and you collapsed into his chest.

"hey.. hey.."

you'd never seen him this sweet before, he almost seemed like a different person.

"it's okay, it's okay, you're safe."

"i- i killed someone, t-there was blood, everywhere.."

"you'll get used to it, it's okay."

you stayed like that for a while, petting your hair with his giant hand.

sobbing wasn't your favorite past time, but you'd spent most of your time doing so since attending Basgiath War College.

"baby, baby, you're okay now." his voice was so soothing.

once you'd regained your vision, you looked up at him clearly.

his onyx eyes with glimmers of the sun in them caught the reflection of the moonlight almost perfectly, his hand traced patterns on your back in a solid attempt to calm you down.

his raven black hair was messy and soft.

this man might've been perfect.

but you were far from it.

"if any of that shit happens again you come to me, understood?" he ordered possessively.

"y-yes."

you mumbled out, finding solitude in his chest.

"come on," he picked you up bridal style, carrying you away from the sight.

"where are we going?" you asked soft spokenly, your arms wrapped around his neck.

"i'm not letting you go into an unsafe room, Y/N. you're with me tonight."

your cheeks lit up in a crimson hue.

his chest was so warm.. no, do not think that about your wingleader.

he laid you in his bed before getting in himself, wrapping his arms in a protective manner around your sore abdomen.

"sleep, y/n, sleep."

you nuzzled into his chest, his lips meeting your forehead.

you could've stayed like that forever.

[emblazons]

forewarning: this is the longest "this is mike's arc and I'm tired of denying it" breakdown i've done in a min (it's def about gay mike bar none so. skip if you want)

I keep reading posts about "where Mike is with his feelings for Will" all across the dash now, and...while I get the idea of wanting a Mike as devastated by not hearing from Will as Will was because Mike's aware he has romantic feelings, *Arya Stark Voice* that's not him?

In the show, Mike Wheeler wears his heart on his sleeve. He is prone to emotionality and doesn't really track his feelings within himself the way Will does—is "less interior," for a lack of a better phrase, which both plays dramatically into how things are playing out with both El and Will and makes it (dare I say it) out of character to believe he's as "hurt by his own hope" as Will is when it comes to mutual feelings.

Let me see if I can explain.

First: I think it's important to keep in mind that, at least with Mike, you get someone who will subconsciously act on "inner truths" before he even realizes they're true about him—and someone who will behave according to whatever external reality deems "correct" until he realizes 1) its bullshit or 2) its not true for him personally. We see this season over season:

First with how he willfully breaks rank with authority (his parents, the police, even the community) first to find Will and then again breaks rank with even his friends to protect Eleven in season 1

Then in S2 when he throws "proper" behavior to the wind (which is even slightly acknowledged in Will's 'don't tell the others' / 'crazy together) to be there for + lowkey confess the depth of his feelings to Will (everyone say thank you shed scene)

Again (though slightly different) in S3, with how there's this bubbling thing being gay he doesn't realize has started to manifest itself—cue that comment the duffer's made forever ago about S3 being about "the monster of puberty," aka when people start to understand their own attractions—until the very end of the season with how he realizes he's not attracted to El

And finally in S4, when he consciouslly knows for a fact he's not into El and tries to hide it—quite poorly, because, as I said, he can only abide a "lie" when he doesn't realize it is one—but hasn't yet realized that the thing bubbling up inside him THIS season (that keeps slipping out without him realizing it) is his attraction to/romantic feelings for Will.

In Season 4 especially, its easy to track how this "I can lie...until I know it is one" affects Mike's romantic prospects; we see plainly that his lying about his feelings to El during the monologue was a failure because the power of Mike's whole character is rooted in the importance of him being true to himself and his heart. Season over season, we've seen that Mike has to be honest with people once he knows what he feels in order for his leadership to be effective—and by S4, he knows he doesn't love El romantically (+ has known for a HOT minute, aka since his little S3 post-kiss revelation)—which is why he tries to skirt around the issue with that "I care for you so much" rather than lie to El's face about his lack of romantic feelings.

Basically: once Mike consciously knows something is not right in either the world or inside himself, he has to act on it...or suffer the consequences of his lack of honesty. But then....what does that have to do with him not being the one "not trying to be in love" with Will?

Despite the fandom urge to deny it even in the wake of The Duffers and Finn Wolfhard themselves telling them it's true: Mike being oblivious to his own feelings, or at least consciously unaware, of his own romantic feelings for Will is a solid amount of what's driving his character's growth right now. Mike "friends don't lie" Wheeler has spent the entirety of this show trying to be as honest as possible with the people around him, and we've clearly seen as of S4 what happens when he isn't honest—the world (quite literally) falls apart.

When it comes to his romantic arc especially, it's important to remember this is true, because it means, through logical deduction, that Mike isn't hiding the fact that he has feelings for Will throughout season 4—he's hiding the fact that he's not in love with his girlfriend the way he's supposed to be, which both plays into the whole forced conforming through-line of the season and explains the crux of his narrative even as we are primarily shown that experience through Will's eyes—unreliable as they are. The thing leaking out of Mike without his knowledge is the fact that he likes boys—but the thing he's consciously hiding and lying about is the fact that he doesn't like girls the way he knows he's supposed to.

Now: does that mean he doesn't have a million subconscious responses to things regarding Will—one's rooted both in his attraction to men and his friendly/romantic/evolving feelings for him? Absolutely not. Half of what drives Mike's S4 narrative was built into his wordless/subconscious actions throughout S3, from the way we see him look disgusted with girls when they're mentioned, the way he take's El's hands off him when she tries to kiss him, and even the way he looks conflicted by her kiss at the very end of the season. Just because Mike is consciously unaware that something is happening to him doesn't mean the thing isn't happening—it just means that Mike himself is oblivious to it.

Even so: Mike being oblivious to the fact that he's attracted to men/in love with Will means he isn't consciously trying to keep himself away from Will—which is clear, if you pay attention to every moment before he gets guilted into remembering he has a GF by Argyle.

Basically, the crux of Mike's own experience with his problems is—

"I don't love El the way I'm supposed to, and it's going to cause problems if I can't do that for everyone I care for,"

not

"I am trying to hide my feelings for boys/Will and have to pretend they aren't there to be normal."

—which is a subtle but critical distinction in understanding both where he is by the end of S4 and where he's headed moving into S5.

Now: I get that it's more fun to imagine a Mike fighting his feelings for Will consciously throughout S4, but....that's Will's story and experience of his feelings, not Mike's. Mike is fighting with his lack of attraction to women more than his attraction to men/Will—which is also why you see it slip out so much despite the time/era/what he knows of what happens to gay men in Hawkins.

If Mike knew he loved Will/boys consciously, he'd be much more afraid of himself and Will than he is even as of the last shot of S4—but he's not, which is shockingly telling if you consider how he already knows what he doesn't feel for Eleven. Once he does know what he feels—his "a-ha" moment about liking Will, the same as his consciously realizing he didn't love El "like that" as of end of S3—it will be impossible for him not to address it in himself...and finally be honest/undo the damage of The Lie he told El (he loved her) during the monologue.

That's the (canonical) trajectory of Mike "The Heart" Wheeler—and why him being oblivious to his feelings for Will, not just "secretly longing without wanting to indulge hope he might have the boy he loves" the way Will is experiencing moving into S5. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[dear-ao3]

another f1 question from me bc i'm new, why do we not like the mclaren team

aright well without getting too into it because im going to get into it on the update post:

mclaren have 2 drivers: oscar and lando

lando has been with mclaren since 2019, has been signed with them the whole time hes been in f1. oscar has been with mclaren since 2023, has also been with mclaren the whole time hes been in f1

theyre both very strong drivers. mclaren is a top 4 team (theres 10 teams). they have the fastest car this season. they have been very consistent the whole season. oscar is the only driver to have finished every single race this season, lando has had only one dnf in a full length race. theres been 16 races this year, of those 16 races at least one mclaren driver has been on the podium for 13 of them. (most of any team)

anyway

red bull have been dominating the last few years. last year red bull won all but one race and max verstappen won all but three races. max won the drivers championship by like 250 points or something and red bull won the constructors championship by something insane like 400 points (not exact but u get the idea)

this season red bull is still on top but only by a little bit.

in the constructors (team) championship, red bull currently has 446 points. mclaren currently have 438. they are rapidly closing the gap to red bull (despite only winning three races this season) because both of their drivers are very consistent and they have a good car.

however. the drivers championship.

max currently is leading with 303 points. lando is in second with 241. charles (of ferrari) is in third with 217 and oscar is in 4th with 197.

there are still 8 races to go.

now it would be Hard for lando to win the drivers championship at this point, but it is not impossible. he is also definitely closer than oscar is. normally what happens is that a team picks one driver to prioritize because theyre more consistent/experienced/have more points/have a better chance at winning etc etc. lando has been doing better than oscar has in that regard (hes won 2 races, oscar has won one, lando has 4 pole positions this year, oscar has none, etc whatever)

despite this, mclaren are not prioritizing either of their drivers. the owner of the team, zak brown, has said now multiple times that they have "two number 1 drivers" which is weird. because lando is actually close to catching max in the championship. and this is not a chance btw that comes around all the time. f1 is a lot of luck, a lot of chance and then also skill. you can be the most skilled driver, but if your car sucks youre not going to win. mclaren have the fastest car, two very strong drivers and a solid chance to win the drivers championship with lando and the constructors championship as a team, but despite that, they are not prioritizing lando.

meaning that there are no team orders to have lando be running in front of oscar if the two cars are right next to eachother in position, theres no rules to not pass eachother, theres no rules for oscar to protect lando if he is leading. the only real rule seems to be to not hit eachother but they can race eachother (meaning the team wont say that one car needs to finish above the other car) which again, when you have a driver that is in contention to win a world championship, that is kind of insane.

so first there was a race a few races ago where lando was in first and got team orders to let oscar who was in second get past him so that he could win because oscar had been leading the whole race up until possibly the weirdest pit stop call mclaren could have made that essentially put lando in front of oscar. lando gave them a hard time about it but ultimately let oscar win because they told him that if he wanted to win a world championship that he was going to need oscars help (like as a number 2 driver)

so now this past weekend oscar passed lando on the first lap and took the lead (lando starts first and oscar started i think it was second) because there were no team orders for him to not do that. then towards the end oscar was in second and lando was in third (charles was in first which was something that mclaren let happen but thats not important right now) and the cars were close enough that they could have swapped positions. mclaren would have gotten the same number of points but lando would have gotten more points than oscar which would have helped him individually in the drivers championship because max was finishing behind him and this was a race where he was closing the point gap to max. but, mclaren didnt make that team orders call. so oscar finished second and lando finished third.

so essentially landos shot at a world championship title is getting bongled because of mclaren's inability to make the decision as to which driver is their number 1 driver.

so much so that nico rosberg (who was a part of one of the most infamous teammate rivalries where both him and lewis hamilton were at eahcothers necks for a championship title) has told mclaren now not once but twice that they need to make a call as to which driver is their number 1 driver because its going to hurt their drivers and also the team in the long run.

now none of this is oscar or landos fault. there could be contract stipulations that are preventing mclaren from picking a number 1 driver (oscars manager, mark webber, was an infamous number 2 driver to sebastian vettel during the time seb won his 4 consecutive championships so its possible that he might have something in oscars contract to prevent the same thing from happening to him or whatever) or it could be something else. reguardless, its clearly a team problem and not a driver problem. the drivers are there to race and if the team tells the two of them to race eachother they are going to race eachother. both of them are strong drivers and they want to win. but because the team is letting the two of them waste time racing eachother it opens the door for other people to win or for them to lose points or for lando to not end up winning the drivers championship.

its kind of confusing. but tldr: mclaren refuse to prioritize one driver over the other and theyre throwing away their chances at winning the championship because of it

will buxton (who infamously has some bad opinions but didnt on this one) summed it up really really well in the post race show this past weekend

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC Pick a Picture: Yes or No (or Maybe) 💚💙💜

Hey y'all, I'm back in time for the end of May with another pick a card reading. I thought that since it's been almost a year since my last yes or no reading, that now would be a good time to do my second one. Today, perhaps because of the last day of Mermay in part, I'm inspired by the colors green and blue (and some purple thrown in). I'll be using Mermaid Tarot for this reading. 🌎🧜‍♀️

Below, there are 12 images for you to choose from in a random color assortment, from left to right. Take a deep breath, pause, and relax all tension in your body before deciding what your question is. There are a lot of piles to choose from, so if you have a lot of questions, feel free to select them one at a time and read in any order you want.

Pile 1 - Hot Air Balloon Pile 2 - Peacock Tail Pile 3 - Plumbago Flowers (Light Blue) Pile 4 - Azurite Pile 5 - Grass Field Pile 6 - Lily Pad Pile 7 - Damselfly Pile 8 - Gentian Flowers (Dark Blue) Pile 9 - Blueberries Pile 10 - Blue Jay Pile 11 - Butterfly Pile 12- Mountain Bluebird

apologies for the misalignment in pics; this stock photo collage was initially for fun

Pile 1 - Hot Air Balloon

IX Hermit, 9 of Swords, 6 of Swords, XIII Death; 24 - Heal Thyself, 15. Adrift in Shallow Water

This pile is a No. You may be wanting to move forward with something, but the energy I'm picking up on is too closed inward and focused on the worst possible outcomes. You may need to detach from the situation if a decision is called for. Answers will more likely come to you when you are given the quietude and privacy needed to listen to your inner guidance system. It knows a lot more than it may let on, but you won't be able to hear it amidst the chaos.

"Take a few deep breaths and reconnect to your inner peace." This card is talking about using mindfulness to recenter the self. It is very difficult to make important decisions and move forward from a place of anxiety. Things are more likely to move in the direction you desire when you make plans from a calm and positive outlook. Once you're fully ready to move on, the tides will turn for you.

Pile 2 - Peacock Tail

4 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, 6 of Cups, 7 of Pentacles; 13 - Awareness, 5. Change Direction With Ease

For you, this is a big Maybe. Your reading starts with two 4 cards which can indicate a state of stagnancy and lack of motion. With 6 of cups, you may be more focused on what's happened before than what could happen next. Remember that cycles don't always repeat themselves perfectly and giving something another go can reap potential success if you put in the proper dedication for it.

"You may be in for a surprise." 4 of Cups can talk about unforeseen surprises around the corner, so if you're able to keep your mind more ahead into the present and future rather than the past, you may be prepared to catch this surprise. This surprise could be the key to allowing things to flow through to a more desired resolution. Stay present for what's to come.

Pile 3 - Plumbago Flowers

XIX The Sun, XVIII The Moon, 3 of Cups, Queen of Cups; 7 - Clear Aura, 49. Be Insightful and Established

So this is a definite Yes with the Sun card coming out first! But then the Moon card popped up, which definitely surprised me. This combo doesn't often happen a lot! I think with this particular yes, you may be very excited to jump the gun and celebrate. But the Moon wants to remind you that as alluring as it may be to throw caution in the wind, it's important to keep your emotions leveled and even keeled. Your friends or community may also be affecting the choice or outcome; never mind their energy and stay true to what's in your own cup. Your intuition will guide you.

"Ground and realign your energy." Give yourself a clean fresh head start and look before you leap into anything. Lighten yourself from heavier energies. Make decisions from a place of solid reason rather than through the emotional frenzy that may surround you.

Pile 4 - Azurite

4 of Pentacles, Page of Swords, 2 of Cups, 5 of Pentacles; 14 - Grace, 42. Gentle Moderation

This pile is a very likely No. When I drew these cards, it was like rapid fire. All these cards came out at once. I feel there may be a lot of impatience, especially with the 4 of Pentacles. You may feel you've been waiting too long for something to come to fruition and you may be getting frustrated by the lack of results. With Page of Swords and 2 of Cups, I sense that there is an important lesson you must grasp before you can move ahead with this. It may have to do with communicating to your partner, friend, or coworker, or even asking for assistance.

"Take your time." Time is greatly emphasized in this pile. Before I drew this card and I saw Grace, I thought, "grace period." So you may be in or soon getting a grace period which will allow you to have the ability to ease back and think carefully about how you want to go forward. I get that it sucks when things don't show up when we've desire it for so long, but the cards want to remind you that you have more time than you think to get the results you're after.

Pile 5 - Grass Field

Knight of Pentacles, 8 of Cups, I Magician, 9 of Swords; 30 - Practical Intuition, 5. Change Direction With Ease

This pile looks to be a No, for at least this moment. This is something that may take a while to accomplish, but because you may be holding on to something no longer needed, it could be taking longer than necessary. The Magician card wants to remind you of your power to take control of the situation. Do not listen to the fears that disguise themselves as your intuition. Practical Intuition is about grounding your psychic energy into the material world. Remind yourself that your intuition works for you, not against you. When you're able to let go of old fears and worries, you'll be able to step forward with more confidence.

"It is a time to reconsider what you are wanting." Take some time to get clear on your intentions before you work your magic. The more you paint your worries as being realistic, the more likely they are to become real. Use your intuitive gifts for your benefit. You are not powerless in this situation. But it's ultimately up to you to change how this will all play out!

Pile 6 - Lily Pad Page of Wands, III of Swords, X Wheel of Fortune, 8 of Swords; 9 - Self Acceptance, 29. Empower Yourself

This pile is a Maybe because I almost took out the World card after 8 of Swords. I think with this pile, you need to take account of who you are and what you're capable of doing. You may get this sense that things are totally out of your hands and up to the universe to decide, but the cards are advising you to not default to that reasoning with this question. While it's one thing to recognize when things are out of our hands, this should not be confused with helplessness.

"Allow yourself to be the strong, beautiful person you are capable of being." I'm getting that some of you may be really harsh on yourselves when things don't turn out right. But resorting to negative self talk when things go wrong and positive talk about the universe when things go right, is an imbalanced way of perceiving this. You are powerful, and this situation can resolve itself in part thanks to your efforts. But you must be kinder with yourself to see this power first.

Pile 7 - Damselfly

XIII Death, XI Justice, XVIII The Moon, Page of Wands; 13 - Awareness; 3. In the Light of the Moon

This pile is a No. Something must be done away with here, something must be remain in the past. This is something that needs to occur inevitably, even if it's hard. Whatever it is, things seem to not be going to plan. Ultimately, this No will be in your personal favor, though it doesn't seem that way right now, because letting go will set things into better balance. You may be feeling lost with this, uncertain of how to proceed. But you are gently being guided to your next chapter in life. It's okay if you are feeling down right now, allow yourself to process the emotions (even if you're feeling disconnected from emotion) by doing what you find enjoyable to you as this all unfolds.

I find it interesting how the full moon shows up three times in this reading. I find this magically significant. Do you by chance work with lunar magic, or do you simply follow your emotional energy closely as the moon waxes and wanes? The number 13 appearing twice is also to be noted here. I'm getting that this will have to do with some kind of specific timing, like 13 days from now, or on the 13th of a month. Pay attention to your dreams for further insight and clues. Don't be afraid to shed the old to welcome in the new. Even if this doesn't work out, you carry so much magical potential in you that whatever comes next will be nothing short of wondrously transformative.

Pile 8 - Gentian Flowers

King of Pentacles, 2 of Swords, X Wheel of Fortune, King of Cups; 25 - Truth, 42. Gentle Moderation

This is a likely Yes, but there are signs of some wavering here. The message I channeled was to be true to yourself no matter what decision you may take. You may be dealing with too many conflicting opinions weighing in on something that may be important mainly for you. I'm getting practical needs vs. emotional needs. You must come to your own conclusions about how much you'll factor in one need compared to the other. If you decide both that are important, then you will need to figure out how to get the two needs to cooperate.

"Pressure from others or yourself can be released by renegotiating what you are trying to accomplish." One King to hold the wheel, the other to hold the compass. You are both the guide and the driver of this choice. Once you come to conclusions about what your personal Truth is, let that be your map to a more harmonious outcome.

Pile 9 - Blueberries

XII Hanged Man, 5 of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, XV The Devil; 29 - Nurture, 26. Where You Need to Be

This pile is a No. I'm getting a lot of nervous energy from this pile, I'm needing to take my time and breathe between each card. It may help for you to also take time out and breathe deeply. This could be something that has been stressing you out, keeping you in limbo. This is your sign to take it easy. Be gentle with yourself. You're being asked to see the difference between needing to be patient for things to manifest, and needing to rely on your own energy to overcome this. But you cannot use that energy if you cannot see it for yourself.

"Have faith the Universe will take care of a current concern by providing the best possible outcome for all involved." Just because something doesn't turn out now doesn't mean it won't be for later. You're on the right path, don't let this temporary situation sway you. In the meantime, your current focus needs to be on personal self care. You must tend to your garden and provide yourself with the healing you need to take on the things that are within your grasp.

Pile 10 - Blue Jay

2 of Wands, Ace of Wands, King of Swords, IV The Emperor; 21 - Shadow Treasures, 7. Dancing in the Rainbow

This pile is a strong Yes. You got what it takes to see this through. There is a passion lighting up from within you, and by keeping your head high and focusing on the outcome you desire, you will be given the tools you need to succeed in this. But all this won't happen on its own. You are being asked to do a majority of the work and organizing needed to pull this off. This may be a solo effort for the most part. But rest assured that you got the motivation and integrity to do it right.

"Break free from whatever you feel is holding you back." Your mind, the King of Swords, may try to freeze this fiery passion by giving you reasons that it isn't plausible or reasonable. But the 2 of wands says "this and more." Release the dichotomy of being rational and enthusiastic and embrace both, for they both have gifts to offer.

Pile 11 - Butterfly

8 of Cups, Page of Wands, King of Cups, Page of Swords; 3 - Strength, 5. Change Direction with Ease

This one is a soft Yes. It seems like there is something you need to work through first, however. You may be feeling like you need to hone in on specific skills or internal resources for the best results. You need to be confident in yourself that something must fall away if you want to begin a new with something else. Make peace with where you are now and see that you have an inner reservoir of talent and ambitions to tap into.

"This is a time for change, shapeshifting, or your soul's evolution." There is something telling you that the next stage to come will help you grow and become more well rounded. You've already mastered the art of staying calm under the tension of seeking greater and greater heights, now it's time to play into your passions and find new ways to learn and expand your knowledge.

Pile 12- Mountain Bluebird

Knight of Cups, Six of Wands, XI Justice, VIII Strength; 6 - Freedom, 11. Persistent Drive

This one is a strong Yes. Now is the exact time to make the move. Try to visualize or imagine your most desired outcome, first. Which one makes the most sense to you. Which one utilizes your greatest strengths? Which one gives you the emotional freedom to pursue your goals while abandoning all restrictions from the past that still try to tie you down? And, last but not least, which one recreates that joyful spark that lights up the dreams within you? Step out into the world and don't be afraid of a little bit of risk.

"See what you desire and move toward that goal." Be completely sure of where you want to go or want to do next. Set a practical target, one that you can easily see. Take a calculated risk, but don't get cocky or too brash. If all goes well, stay humble and pass the good vibes on.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[re--feminize-me]

Hi! I was wondering if you had a top 10 list or something of your fav hypno files. Doesn't need to be about anything specific. The only criteria I'm looking for is that they hit at least one fetish genre and the file itself was one that you happened to respond really well to.

(btw, i saved the ones you did and can't wait to listen to them)

ooooo this is a fun one!!!!! some of these are hard to find so if anyone wants smth off this list lmk ♡

in no particular order, these are some of my favorites and ones that have been VERY effective on me 😳🥰

girling up & feminine conditioning (vive) (2x combo thats great for forcefem and girling up has changed me i think permanently 😳😳😳😳😳)

curse helpless to submission (professorpig) (really hot but be CAREFUL with this one. look it up on WMM before you listen. seriously when it says helpless it aint fuckin around)

melt (hypdom) (great for bimbofication and mindlessness)

choosing denial pt 1 and pt 2(????)(if anyone knows who this is PLS lmk) (guided masturbation and edging which is super hot)

euphoria edging file / paradise (lifeofalibertine) (euphoria is the beginner file, paradise is Edging 402 djjdjdjdjakajd jokes aside ive never made it thru paradise its so hot i always cum 😭 also his other files are worthy mentions!!!)

loud sex conditioning vive (i listened to this one in my sleep for ~1month and now i moan at the smallest things and cant stay quiet hahahahahaha 😳)

dumbing down 2023 vive (this one is brand new and already a fave, doing a great job of dumbing me down ♡)

oblivion vive (GREAT for going deep or going to sleep)

a simple trap for your mind 2 (vive) (def recommend listening to the first one first but i like this one better)

surrender your orgasms vive (if u have a partner who is willing & able to control ur orgasms this file is a solid 10/10 A+, def the way to go.)

i dont want to think vive (this file made me want to think less as is in the name, dumbing down 2023 is more effective but this one is slower and more subtle.)

a relaxing edge for good girls by smolhydra via prettynosferatu (iirc??) (this file i like cuz somehow it CONSISTENTLY gets me to the edge.)

can u tell vive is one of my fave tists hahahahahahha his files are VERY good his inductions honestly inspired mine so i highly recommend checking out his website in general. idk why he isnt more popular?!??!?!??!

also i hope you like my files omg, im thinking about making a new one here soon so be on the lookout for that!!! ALSO id love to hear ur thoughts when u do listen- to my files and/or these!!!!

tysm for this ask dear, have fun breaking your brain 🥰🥰

[redwinewhiteroses]

What are your person's current feelings about you?🩷 💌 🎀

Pick an image

Choose the image that you are drawn to the most.

‼️For entertainment purposes only‼️

...Images numbered from left to right...

Let me know if your reading resonated in the comments below.

What reading should I do next?

Sending you a virtual hug! 🩵🩵🩵

[ Image 1 ]

Your person might be going through a lot in life right now. It seems that they might be dealing with ups and downs relating to their career, education or other areas of their life. For some you might be experiencing some kind of hardship in your relationship. It's like as if they are sailing the rough seas or facing some issues. They are trying to keep their head above the water literally. They are trying to balance all areas of their life while trying to have more control of the circumstances that are currently happening in their lives. They feel like they don't have enough for themselves or to provide for you. There's this lack or scarcity mindset about not being able to give or receive enough. They are hopeful about the future and definitely tries to see the long term and as of now there isn't much action from their part. Your relationship might be facing some sort of stagnation due to your person's personal hardships. Things might not be going as this person has hoped and there's some delay or lack of fulfillment they are feeling. This person might have a vision that is taking too long to come into fruition. I'm also seeing they are contemplating making a choice about something whether it is moving on from a situation that is no longer serving them or trying to change their ways so better results can occur. I think this person believes you have treated them fairly and they definitely want to do right by you. This could be a new relationship for some or this might be a relationship that hasn't taken off the ground. For those of you who has a solid relationship, your partner may even be thinking about taking your relationship to the next level or considering commitment but worried they don't have all the resources they need in order to do it as they hope. They want to do it right. They just might lack the resources needed but they will eventually come up with an offer of commitment or otherwise. But as of now, they are incredibly busy juggling all the responsibilities in their life. I think your person is very much focussed in achieving balance and trying to do the right thing and trying to be more decisive in taking the right actions. As of now, your person isn't in the feels or trying not to think too much about it. Definitely more logical than emotional. Lastly I would say to have patience and to try to be more optimistic if things aren't going exactly the way you want. Self care might help. That's all I'm seeing for my dear pile ones.

Random messages :  Heartbreak, Burden, Too much, Break, Beachside, Saturn, Ask and you'll have it, Soul's desire, Think gain, Gentle monster, One more round, Why do you avoid me?, Nourishment, Milk and honey, I think I know something, Honeymoon

Songs : Exile - Taylor Swift

                2U - Justin Bieber

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so there were multiple circumstances comimg through. Can be different for everyone but this has been the overall energy.

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[ Image 2 ]

Your person might be quite adventurous and lively and even possess childlike qualities or lighthearted energy in general. Your person feels excited and there are budding passionate feelings for sure. But at the same time they may feel the like there's not much depth in the relationship or for some of you there own feelings may be quite surface level and not so rooted as of now. Feels like there is something that is getting in the way of you two developing a deeper connection. They might feel like something's missing or there could be a lack of clarity. They may be feeling a bit suspicious maybe because there's sparing feelings or they are feeling deceived by their own feelings. They could feel like they can't be fully themselves around you or they might feel like putting a mask or hiding certain aspects about themselves. For some of you, this person could even be a bit deceitful or unfaithful or they might already be in a relationship with someone else and the passionate feelings they have been developing for you could be from a place of dishonesty as well (This message is only for a very few of you.) And for others this could mean that they are a bit hesitant to validate their feelings because they are scared to make a choice. They could have one foot in one foot out thinking that either will bring about negative consequences. Some might not want to commit because they might be unwilling to make a sacrifice, so they could appear a bit sneaky. There could be a choice to make between love or friendship. This could be a workplace situation for some of you. You might have complimentary energies as well. They could feel like you are deceiving them, but they could also be feeling like they are deceiving you despite the complimentary energy you both share. Your person might be really attracted to you, might also be inspired by you in some way. They may be more receptive to you than usual and really impressed by you. You could be working together as a team or workplace vibes again. But they might be very passive and they might not want to do anything about these feelings is what is coming through. They might feel like these feelings aren't going anywhere but at the same time they feel like they cannot be honest. Their hands are tied in some way. They might not want to initiate anything with you fearing something will go wrong and they kinda fear taking responsibility. This could be a dynamic with a boss or an employee even a coworker for some of you. They might not be very communicative and conceal and sweep their feelings under the rug. They might feel like the ball is in your court. I think it's important to be more cautious if there's any deception going on here and to safeguard your own feelings. Also good communication will help clear any doubts regarding this relationship. All in all they feel lighthearted passion for you and might feel like it's not too deep or something's missing. They might feel like they cannot be themselves around you. They might see you as a good companion and really attracted to you and inspired by you but they feel like they cannot do much about it even if they wanted to. That's all for for group twos.

Random messages : Passion, I wish you well, Stop wanting/Act like it/Act for it, Warm embrace, Holiday, Eat up, Under the moonlight, Gentleman, Starlight/Aquarius/Fame, Diabolical, Aphrodite, Princess

Songs : Afterglow - Ed Sheeran

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so there were multiple circumstances comimg through. Can be different for everyone but this has been the overall energy.

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[ Image 3 ]

Oh what can I say group three, this energy is awesome. Your person is so much in their feels having butterflies in their stomach whenever they see you. They have very very deep emotional feelings for you and you might already be aware of that. For some of you, this person might have a fat crush on you, and you might not know yet since they haven't told you yet. Your person could be very energetic, confident and pretty straightforward and even lovey dovey. I'm seeing they are definitely impatient and restless and when they want something, they want it right away. A bit ruthless if you will. I think they know you are the one for them and they are super driven to make things work between the two of you. They might be vocal about their feelings  for you and might be really passionate and emotional when speaking them through words. They really have a soft spot in their heart for you. A true romantic at heart. They feel loved and supported by you, and they feel nurturing and compassionate towards you. They care deeply and want the best for you. Literally want to see you happy. You might be a healing presence in their life. If you are not in a relationship with this person yet, they are pretty determined to win you over. Your person might be really attractive and very charming for sure. I think your person is too much in their feelings to the point they feel trapped lol. They feel like they are blinded by their love for you. Or you might make them feel weak on their knees. They feel kinda vulnerable ngl. I think that's because of the intensity of their feelings they think you have wrapped them around your finger. For some of you, this person might fear getting hurt by you, or think that it's inevitable since they've fallen head over heels for you. They can't stop thinking about you and they feel too much intensely. Also they might be in love with the idea of love and might have unrealistic expectations from love due to which they feel quite suffocated. May even be trapped in a fantasy in love for some of you. They feel like you are their wish come true and there is an abundance of cheerful and sweet romantic feelings. You definitely bring so much joy into their lives my dear group threes. I think they have this desire to spend more time together with you. Your person might even show you off to their loved ones. They are grateful for the connection between you and they are really happy to do life with you. Like it's their wish come true to be working with you on creating something. Maybe creating a stable foundation for an even stronger relationship with you. For some of you, y'all might be collaborating with them on something. You boost their self confidence and they really love that about you. They are excited to see where your relationship can go. They think you two are better together as a couple than separate individuals. You might bring the best in each other. They trust you and there's mutual respect between the two of you. There are so much tender feelings they have for you, they literally would do anything to make you happy, to see you smile. Honestly this pile makes my heart so happy.

Random messages : Carry your heart with you, Aphrodite, Rubies and Pearls, Mystic, What do you want?, Too much to ask, It's all happening right now, Forest retreat, Lovely voice, Deep dive, Boss baby, I want more

Songs : Dandelions - Ruth B.

Those eyes - New West

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so take what resonates.

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[ Image 4 ]

Your person definitely has strong feelings and feel a lot of passion for you. There might have been some issues in your relationship, minor ones, or a lack of clarity. Your person wants to have some clear communication with you so you both can have a better relationship. They might not reach out immediately but they're definitely contemplating talking things out with you. Some of you might even be recovering from a breakup from this person or you might currently be in separation with them. They do want to reach out to have more clarity but I see them being rather rash or reckless so you might have to be mindful of how you communicate and arrive at a resolution. For those of you who are not yet in a relationship with them yet, I think they are feeling like their hands are tied due to some issues keeping you guys apart from each other or there's a choice to make about friendship or love and they fear that either choice will bring about negative consequences. They feel quite helpless if that's the case but also definitely very dedicated to communicate and overcome them some time in the future so you both could arrive at a better place. Their feelings for you are changing in a more positive direction right now, however they are mutable and changing. Although they have positive feelings, they are hot and cold and they might think differently time to time. They have sweet, deep and nurturing feelings for you. They care a lot about you and there's really good emotional understanding between the two of you. They want to see you happy and they are so supportive of you. For some of you this person might want some sort of commitment with you, be it marriage or wanting to take your relationship to the next level. Or they want to celebrate you, all of you. They feel like your relationship is fated and it was just meant to be. For those of you recovering from a breakup or in separation with this person, they might have the intention to reconcile but it's volatile and they haven't fully made up their mind about it right now but overall things have started to change. They might even be observing you. For some this could be a karmic connection and it could be a good one or a rather challenging one. They feel that you complete them in a deep way. You make them feel secure. They definitely see you fitting into their long-term vision of the future. These feelings are a bit changeable but right now they're really positive and any outcomes can be promising. For existing relationships there could've been a situation where they felt vulnerable and had to make a choice that required a sacrifice. Or they wanted a deeper level of commitment and they were disappointed it didn't happen the way they expected. This person have been resisting their feelings or change because they made them feel quite vulnerable. There's this feeling of them feeling trapped due to some reason. This can be interpreted in many ways. There's many situations here so take what resonates. I'm seeing it's different for everyone here. I think they have deep emotional and romantic feelings for you even sexual. Recently they might have had some clarity or they might soon have better understanding about whatever this situation is. They definitely want to initiate conversation and just come clean about everything. Probably they want to just pour all their emotions and feelings on to the table for you to see. I see them wanting you to see and validate their feelings for them. I think for some of you this person might be obsessive or pretty possessive about you. They are pretty impulsive about their feelings for you. They romanticize you for sure and really have tender and potent feelings  for you. They probably want to confess their feelings for you.

That's all I'm seeing for my dear group fours. I hope you try to gain clarity if you and your person have been having issues. There's a lot of feelings here so I think you'll emerge victorious despite obstacles. Arriving at a common ground and talking things through will definitely help. Meanwhile try to be mindful about what you really want and get to know yourself better so you can love yourself and others better. Listen to your heart and strive for a healthy balance between emotions and logic. And be positive. All will be well.

Random messages : Clarity, Nourishment/Moon/Gentle/Mother, Have fun, What you think you want, Heaven and Earth, Babies, Mystic, Some other time, Try again, Honeymoon, I want more, Caramel, All mine, Milk and Honey, Repeating cycles, Wedding bells

Songs : I wanna be yours - Arctic Monkeys

[lynnlovesthestars]

Hi! I’m new to your blog and have been loving all of your works!

If you’re comfortable with it, I was wondering how you think Astarion would react/feel about a virgin tav/reader who went through SA when they were younger, and wish to wait until they are both completely ready and comfortable with being intimate?

Hii, I can definitely do it, though i will merge it with another ask I received- asking to write hcs about Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.

I will say, making it with the hc has been a little easier on me, usually when i write about SA i spend an insane amount of time making sure i'm comfortable and you (readers) are as well, and i hesitate a lot before publishing it *(queue up scars and blood, that I wrote on an impulse after a nightmare, and it took me a solid week before publishing it)*

ANYWAYS.

ofc I hope this will be of comfort to you, and it won't trigger you.. sometimes all we want is to find solace into our favourite characters, so i wish tonight this will in a way comfort you...

and if anyone needs to vent, or talk, feel free to hit up my dm's, they are a safe space for anyone and i'll always offer up comfort.. we don't need to struggle alone, and sometimes being heard is what we need to make a new step forward<3

As always, my little stars, excercise kindness! we don't know who's gonna pass by this, and we don't know how hard it can be for them.

This being said, I hope you'll like it!

Headcanon: Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.

Pairing: Astarion x reader. Warnings: mentions of past trauma and SA. wc: 1.7k

-He starts suspecting something about it around the time of the tiefling party. He had offered to sneak out while everyone was asleep to "enjoy yourselves", but you refused right away. He definitely picked up some involuntary movement you did that told him there was more to the "I'm not ready". You probably flinched or jerked away, usually it would go unnoticed, but Astarion could recognize the subtle harshness hidden behind your reaction.

-He doesn't want to pry into it, as much as he needed to know as much as possible about you- he says for the sake of his undead skin- he wasn't entirely confident you trusted him enough to share your past. Also he wasn't sure he could handle someone confiding in him, but he would never admit it. At the end of the day, all he knew about social interaction were faint memories of his magistrate life, or means to survival. He simply wasn't sure he could have the empathy to deal with someone else's emotions, both in good and in bad.

-When you meet the gur, and you start peering into his past, he can't hide the very obvious rock in the shoe, Cazador and his spawn life, and it is because of the gur that you actually open up to him. When he starts going deeper and deeper into Cazador's orders to him and his repulsion towards sex, you do feel like you can share something so intimate, that's been heavy on you, well since it happened. 

-The first time you mention it though, you are very blunt.

-"And honestly I don't know anything else besides disgust for it" He'd admit as he bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Astarion" You'd start, you wanted to hold his hand to comfort him, cause that kind of pain you knew. "I understand how you feel though. If you need—" He cut you short, anger was bubbling quickly in his stomach. You swore his face almost reddened in anger as he raised his voice.

"No, you don't" He was one sound shirt from hissing at you. "You cannot understand what it feels like" He'd sneer at you. "No one can understand what it feels like to be stripped of your bodily autonomy". In a way the harshness in his voice was like a slap to your face, cause you did in fact know. From the other, you didn't expect your brain to beeline directly towards that sealed drawer in your brain where you tried to hide the haunting memory. 

“I went through it myself, you shithead” You got up, uncaring of whatever reaction he could have in that moment, and you just left.

-He was taken aback, on different levels, both because of your sudden shift in mood, because of the blunt reveal, and deep down because he was sorry, though again he’d never admit it out loud.

-You ignored him for the rest of the day, avoiding his stare and disappearing in your tent right after you were done setting camp, and that unsettled him so much that he was weighing the possibility of apologizing cause, of course, he didn’t know.

-You skipped dinner, and even when everyone else was asleep, you didn’t come out from your tent to take your usual nightly walk. The pang of guilt was becoming more like a stab as he saw the light in your tent still burning, and the faint shadow of you moving around restless.

-He prepared a peace offering, a bowl of the leftover stew, as he had to muster the guts to apologize. 

-”Sorry, I was an asshole earlier, I brought you food” He blurted out right after he knocked on the wooden support of the tent, and he was surprised when you still let him in.

-Initially it was awkward, cause you were eating and not saying anything, but after a while he mustered up the courage to offer his shoulder to you. “If you even wish to talk” He’d say.

-You told him a bit of what happened, without going too much into detail, since you were still shaken from the memories that resurfaced.

-Since then he started to learn your boundaries: how to catch your attention without startling you, what were triggering topics for you, how you liked physical touch, and how it triggered you as well.

-In a way he becomes very protective of you, especially if you open up more often about your trauma, and you can see it.

-He made sure everyone respected your boundaries, whether it was Gale with his weave thing pulling you too close, or a stranger breathing on your neck, he was always ready to remind them of their place. 

-”Don’t you see our dear captain doesn't want to be that close?!” “Keep your hands to yourself, they don't like being grabbed by the wrists” “Get away from her, before I stab you” 

-He noticed how you always double checked the perimeter of the camp before the sun would set, and before getting in your tent you’d always look around in the distance, trying to spot if something was out of place. So he joined you in your routine, helping you check around and make sure you were ready in case anything could have happened.

-As you get closer, and you both open up more to each other, he even suggests he moves his tent closer to yours. “I can keep an eye around” Was his explanation, when he first brought it up. 

-And it helped so much with your sleep, you felt a little safer.

-If you didn’t feel safe at night, he’d suggest putting your tents together into one. Maybe it was a way to keep you closer, or he needed reassurance, but he made sure you knew you could place your bedroll anywhere as far or as close to him as you liked.

-Eventually as your bond would deepen and deepen, and you’d grow fond of each other, you found yourselves rediscovering your touch together. It started with your fingers tapping on his arm as you were walking, or a strand of your hair being pulled behind your ear. Some nights you’d sit close in your tent, and would hold hands, caress each other’s cheeks, and slowly even reach out for a kiss or two.

-It was a slow process, where you really got to know each other like no one else ever did. You could read each other like a book, yet you never shied away from asking each other for consent for anything.

-”Can I hold your hand” “Can I kiss your cheek” “Can I rest my head on your chest”

-The thing you both struggled with the most, was falling asleep holding each other. You’d panic very quickly when you would feel your chest becoming tighter. He’d move away as quickly as possible, and give you the space you needed.

-When he confesses he has been falling for you, it’s time to approach the very delicate topic of sex. You opened up about the fact that you wanted to wait ‘till you were ready, and he agreed without hesitation. Of course because he understood where you came from, he never asked for any help either, if he’d feel like he needed some release, he’d disappear for a bit and deal with it himself, without making you feel like a burden.

“I just want to make sure we are on the same page on this” You’d say as you crossed your arms, almost as if you wanted to fold yourself in and away. “If you want to have sex, I can’t right now” You’d start saying, but stop on your tracks for a second. “Wait, not that I can’t. I don’t want to have sex at the moment” You’d correct yourself, confident in your statement, he wasn’t even thinking about it, though he respected completely.

“I get it, and it’s okay my love” He’d say, patting your shoulder, and wondering whether he wanted to hold your hand or kiss it, he wanted to let you know he truly understood. “I don’t want to either” He smiled, and in that moment it was like both you two finally breathed. You’d reach for his hand to hold it in yours.

“It’s not because of you though” You wanted to explain to him, you were so close it was something you were ready to share, especially since you were slowly walking towards a different level of intimacy together, he had to know. “I want to do it when we are both ready” 

“I understand, my sweet, there’s no need for explanations” He’d smile again, one of his fangs slightly poked out against his lip. “You said you don’t want sex yet, so it’s no” 

“I’m a virgin” You’d blurt out, and that was something he didn’t entirely expect.

“Oh” He’d say at first, but as he noticed your cheeks slowly warming up, he pulled you closer to him, his forehead against yours. “It’s okay, I don’t care about it” He’d exhale. “As long as it’s you, I don’t care about anything” 

-When you reach Baldur’s Gate and finally you settle in the elfsong tavern, you made sure you always had a corner of time dedicated to helping each other relearn touch. 

-You'd lay next to each other in different levels of nakedness depending on how you felt at the moment, and you'd spend your time tracing each other's features. Whenever you'd feel comfortable enough to venture into a new thing, he'd ask for permission. 

-"Would you feel comfortable if I touched your hips?" "Can I trace your scars with my fingers?” “May I pull you closer?”

-You didn't fight time, you didn't rush towards sex. It came slowly and it was a process full of ups and downs. Some attempts ended up with you both sobbing, too overwhelmed. Other's ended up with panic attacks. Eventually though, after a lot of work together, you reached a point where you'd be able to make love.

-it was a very soft moment between you two. It involved a lot of comforting, kisses and patience, but it was something so profound, it wasn't only about shared pleasure, but it was about connecting your bodies and your souls. In a way it was like a wedding for you two it was the peak of trust you could have with each other. 

-He'd whisper so many times how proud he was of you, how much he loved you, and how glad he was that you were the one that would spend their life with him.

-Tears eventually arrived, they were the tears of two souls that finally had reclaimed a bit of their freedom. It was the cries of someone that was finally healing. 

[hellodarling1357]

Battlefield Confessions (Cassian x Reader)

Just a short one to get the writing juices flowing again, it's been a tough week!

I'm (very slowly) getting to all my requests and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long! I've loved all the ideas so much but have been in the middle of moving and a heap of other drama so been a bit distracted lately.

Anyway, I couldn't not write about a mid-fight love confession so here it is!

Enjoy 🥰

Word Count: 1,050

You and Cassian had been treading around one another for years. It was always a situation of right person, wrong time, and a constant will-they-won’t-they amongst your friends. It wasn’t until a heated screaming match in the middle of the battle against Hybern where Cassian was berating you about risking yourself to protect him from an unnoticed Hybern soldier that it all came out.

“It was a stupid, reckless move, Y/N. You could’ve gotten yourself killed.” Cassian had shouted as he slammed his sword down into an approaching soldier, pulling you back as he did so.

“Funny that, coming from you,” Barely jumping out of the way as another solider advanced, flipping your dagger into him as he stumbled against Cassian’s hold. “Aren’t you the one who had your wings shredded, and then had all your organs hanging out a few months later? Not to mention all the times when—"

“Alright, got your point,” Cassian panted in a moment of reprieve as he eyed the battlefield. “Doesn’t change the fact that you risking yourself for me is not worth it and goes against every order you’ve been given, from both Rhys and myself. Don’t do it again.”

“It’s not up you to decide what I think is worth risking… On your left.” You shouted at the sudden appearance of a small cluster of soldiers that sent Cassian’s Siphons blazing, the red light blasting into the majority of the group, leaving the rest as easy pickings for the two of you as you fought against them. “As I was saying,” You panted, “I’ll decide if I think you’re worth it or not and, as it happens, I do, so stop complaining.”

He let out a scoff at your words, shaking his head and contemplating sending you back to the row of tents to help the healers to get you out of the fray if this was how you were going to act. Before he could say as much, he just had time to push you aside as a soldier snuck up on the two of you and raised his sword behind your back. Cassian was quick in disarming him, sending his lifeless body to the ground as he reached out a hand to help you up.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” Your voice was a bit breathless, but you blinked the shock away as Cassian quickly looked you over for any injuries. “I’m fine, Cass.”

“Okay, okay. Look, I need you to go check in on the others. Find Madja, ask her if she needs any assistance.”

Anger bubbled inside of you as you realised what he was doing.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Y/N…” He gave you a look, the look he usually reserved for out of line soldiers, but you knew him, knew it was just a tactic to try to get you to listen.

“No. I’m not one of your soldiers, you can’t just order me away because you don’t think I’m capable enough.”

“Y/N, you know that I know you’re more than capable. But right now, I need you off the field, it’s a liability having you here.”

“A liability?” Your voice was cold as you looked over the male in front of you. “After everything that we’ve been through, everything I’ve done to prove… How dare you say that to me.” If it weren’t for the battle raging around you, you were certain that tears would be welling in your eyes.

“No, that came out wrong. Look, it’s just—"

But you weren’t listening, didn’t want to listen as he came up with whatever excuse he had forming.

“It’s just what, Cassian?” You were yelling now, glaring at the General with fire in your eyes as the sounds of the battle muffled against the growing tension.

Cassian looked as though he had a battle of his own raging through his head as he glared back, finally muttering “fuck it” as he marched over to you. Unsure of what he was doing, you pulled yourself to your full height, ready to fight if he was going to attempt forcing you to leave. But as Cassian stopped in front of you, close enough that your chests were almost touching, the look in his eyes had you balking. He reached for you then, one hand cupping your cheek and the other playing with the end of your braid. And as he crashed his lips to yours, your body went utterly still, unexpected shock taking over all of your senses.

He pulled back, looking you over before saying “it’s just that,” he repeated from earlier, “I am so utterly and completely in love with you that the thought of you being out here is a liability because I can only focus on what you’re doing, where you are, if you’re okay. My head isn’t in this battle while you’re here with me, so I need you to go.” You stared at him before being pulled aside, your ears met with the sound of clashing swords as another assault of Hybern soldiers were released on you. The bodies piled up around you, leaving you gasping for breath and wiping blood from your hands.

“That,” Cassian panted, “is why I need you to get out of here. I was so distracted I only just saw them approach, another second and it would’ve been too late.”

You pressed up onto your toes, stretching until your lips met his in a hurried, frantic kiss. “Well, I’m definitely not leaving now.” You said against his mouth.

“Y/N…”

“I love you too, idiot. And you’re stupid if you think I’m going to leave your side after that.”

He knew there was no arguing with you, that it would be a waste of energy and even more of a distraction from what was happening around him. Instead, Cassian squeezed your hand as he said, “Let’s just get this over with,” shoulders rolling as he observed the fight around you.

“Let’s. Then we can go home and finally act on this. I knew you liked me.” Despite the battle and death piling around you, a cheeky smile graced your features

Cassian rolled his eyes at your wink, unable to contain the smile that tugged at his mouth. Even in the middle of a war you found ways to make him laugh and he couldn’t wait until this was all over and the two of you could finally stop beating around the bush and start a life together.

***** As always, please send me any requests you have or just drop in for a chat 🥰

[blackmoonoracle]

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴍᴏᴏɴ ᴏʀᴀᴄʟᴇ ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛꜱ...

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇᴀ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ

ᶜʰᵒᵒˢᵉ ʷʰⁱᶜʰᵉᵛᵉʳ ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ᶜᵃˡˡᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ 🫶🏻😚💕

PILE ONE ⚔️

Some of the people who chose this Pile could be mothers, or your enemy could be a mother. Could even be YOUR Mother. Take what resonates leave the rest. I'm kind of getting a vibe here that this person is being seen as very self serving.

This could be someone who uses their children to manipulate others. It seems like they're digging a hole they'll have a hell of a time dragging themselves out of.

I see here where a child could've been used to pull on heart strings or push boundaries.

I heard Sagittarius so some of you could be 9th housers or have significant sag energy. Could also be the other person in question.

This person is about to have a lot of their lies revealed publicly or socially

These lies could've been about you or your capabilities as a parent? There could also be something revealed about their parenting skills or how they treat children.

They could be moving or wanting to move soon?

Once again this has to do with a child.

I immediately think of possibly a child being hidden? I thought of the pusha T drake diss, the part where he goes "you are hiding a child" and I'm also thinking someone could be trying to run from taking responsibility for something?

It could potentially result in legal troubles.

They could be moving in order to escape accountability or backlash?

They also could have stolen money or resources from you, and if you have decided to take legal action or are soon headed that route there's going to be a lot of consequences for them.

To the point they may even try to flee the country?

That's super specific and not for everyone, but it may resonate for some specific people.

There could be some sort of plan being devised by this individual. Maybe they're planning a vacation or wanting to buy a vacation home? Perhaps this is why I saw something regarding travel. This also explains the "escaping" or "running away" vibes I was getting.

So this person could be going on a vacation get away to escape some sort of drama or backlash they receive. This is looking like a family vacation of some sorts.

I definitely think whatever this is will likely end up going a legal route due to the presence of the justice card.

I feel like the rug is going to be ripped from beneath this person and that the stability they've cultivated may begin to crumble. Possible family issues, feeling very much stuck or trapped in some sort of situation or position that there's not much of an escape from.

That or they will be feeling too exhausted to even take action in this situation.

A new endeavor they try to start will result in a judgement of some kind that is going to effectively bring all of their momentum to a halt.

If you want to book a personal reading specified on this topic for 45$ you can do so through direct messaging me.

PILE TWO 🌑

Tw: grooming ment

I do feel that your enemies may have begun secretly trying to move on from some sort of conflict they've instigated recently?

It seems their hands may be tied regarding some sort of situation.

I heard sticky situation, so theres definitely going to be evidence left behind of their actions. 🤣 I feel like there was or will be a lot of losses and social conflict for them.

Perhaps losing friends or some sort of family support in regard to a conflict they created.

This person may be highly charismatic, it could be a fire sign male. I kind of get the feeling this person could have a very solid reputation for something they do?

It's funny because while they may be chilling rn, it won't be forever.

I feel like this person is likely HIGHLY delusional, like honestly no matter what happens to them they tend to maintain an "I'm better than everyone else and I'm doing great" perspective even in the throes of the toxic cesspool that is their life.

I'm seeing where soon this person could be feeling totally isolated due to the ending of a relationship of some kind?

There may start to be small instances of others beginning to recognize this person's true nature.

I heard Capricorn, and The Devil came out. So it's possible this person has a Capricorn placement.

Their shit is about to get rocked, their security is about to be destroyed, and they're gonna be fighting for their lives just to keep their head above water.

This could be someone who wished illness or death upon you. Someone who takes advantage of others mental weaknesses and molds them to their liking.

Like it's giving groomer energy, not gonna lie.

I'm thinking of the pillar of severity on the kabalistic tree of life.

There's some sort of severance they're going to experience. Perhaps they could be getting a severance package from a job and it's not going to be enough to survive?

This person is very delusional about how they're actually perceived. I get the feeling not many people with common sense and critical thinking skills are a fan of this person.

They could gravitate towards children? For some this person could go to jail due to something involving a child. Or they could be held accountable for something involving a child.

It doesn't have to be like anything s*xu*l per se. It could be something involving child endangerment? This is weird because pile 1 involved children as well, and talked about the legal system and I do know mercury is about to retrograde in August which is Leo season and Leo is associated with the 5th house which deals with children.

Ultimately I feel like while this person is bound to end up suffering it's likely they won't even connect the dots as to WHY it's happening to them. They don't seem very self aware. It's weird though bc they don't see themselves as a victim either. It's like they literally just don't care. Super odd.

If you want to book a personal reading specified on this topic for 45$ you can do so through direct messaging me

PILE THREE 🥀

So this person could be an ex, maybe even an ex situationship? This person might be a serial cheater, or they could be dating a serial cheater 🤣 there's definitely some 3rd party shit going on that one of the people involved in this connection has no idea about or is being mislead about.

I'm seeing something about feeling a lot of social pressure. Perhaps fearing the effort they're putting in to cultivate an audience or some form of acknowledgement will be for naught.

It's possible they aren't getting the traction they hoped for or that they feel they deserve.

There could've also been some sort of loss in the family recently? Either falling out with a core family member so a parent or grandparent or an actual death. This could also look like getting brushed off by the family.

Some sort of physical conflict could've occurred as a result of a secret or hidden action. Something that was done very sneakily, it's something they've tried to remove and clear and run away from for quite some time?

This looks like some sort of argument where they're being held accountable and they play the victim 🤣

I feel like they're going to lose something as a result of doing this. Or that the way they treat women is going to become very apparent to others? There's a tower moment coming their way, idk why I get an inkling you'll somehow hear about it or be able to witness it. This person could have psychotic meltdowns sometimes?

Not saying that in a mean way at all, but like it's giving a severe crisis and a really bad meltdown. I heard punishment and ashamed, so they could be feeling very ashamed of themselves.

If you did some sort of spellwork regarding this person it definitely worked.

They're very scared about some kind of relationship. I heard the name Tyra? Could be relevant to some, if not disregard it.

There could be an earth and air sign woman holding this person accountable for their actions and balancing the scales for you. What's interesting is these could be people who initially betrayed you for or because OF this person?

Some sort of endeavour this person has been planning may fail as well.

Sorry this Pile is so short compared to the other 2, there's a lot of obscurity and weird shit going on here 🤣.

If you want to book a personal reading specified on this topic for 45$ you can do so through direct messaging me.