#but idk if I've ever seen someone like really go in on like basically every aspect and function of the human body and why it feels bad

[dan-crimes]

Me when I have to physically exist in the world 😩😩

Like I enjoy existing in the world but I don't really like how it feels a majority of the time like sure there are some nice feeling things like when ur bed is extra comfy bcuz of how tired you are or the cool temperature with a light breeze and you feel urself sway with the trees and the feeling of rain etc etc

Like sure those things are amazing love em BUT if I could enjoy all the stuff without like a PHYSICAL LIVING BODY with like organs and blood and stuff then that would be like ideal peak living conditions

[reidmania]

use somebody | spencer reid

part two

summary; spencer doesn’t believe someone like you could ever like someone like him, but he would do anything for a chance.

warnings; fem!reader, reader is described as being really really kind, bau!worker reader, fluff (slight angst bc spencer doubts himself) reader is a bundle of joy idk, spencer is absolutely disgustingly in love with reader. reader has a dog ( a golden retriever ) reader IS A BOOK LOVER, reader is shorter than spencer., no love confession but like there basically is. maybe a part two coming idk!

an; this is based off use somebody by kings of leon bc that song just AHHHH

‘I've been roamin' around, always lookin' down at all I see, painted faces fill the places I can't reach. You know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody, someone like you and all you know and how you speak, countless lovers under cover of the street, you know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody. Someone like you, off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep, wagin' wars to shape the poet and the beat. I hope it's gonna make you notice, I hope it's gonna make you notice someone like me’

If there was a single light in a room, it would be your smile. Spencer had decided that the minute you introduced yourself to him on your first day, your wide smile was the first thing he noticed, then your kind voice — ever since Spencer Reid’s heart had your name written all over it and you had no idea.

You had been talking to Emily, your hands flinging around the more excited you got about whatever it was you were talking about, you were still smiling when Spencer approached with furrowed eyebrows after Emily had noticed him in the doorway and called him over to introduce himself to the team newest member.

You had introduced yourself with probably the widest, and sweetest grin he had ever seen. He almost forgot about the amount of germs spread through hand shaking when you offered him yours. He was pretty sure he felt the most embarrassment and disappointment when he didn’t forget — and turned down your handshake with his name and a silly ramble about what your name means historically.

He didn’t miss the way your smile never dampened — not even after his rejection of your offered hand, not during his embarrassingly long ramble, not as you listened intriguingly and then told him how cool it was that he just knew that off the top of his head.

That was a year, forty three days, 16 hours and 27 minutes ago — not that Spencer was counting. But he definitely was.

Your kindness won his heart from that moment. Your smile became his moral support during a particularly tough case. It seemed all the less tense when you would meet his eyes from across the room and offer him the sweetest smile. Your small gifts you left around for each member of the team became what he looked forward to and the end of every week — each more thoughtful than the last.

Spencer had kept the collection of small gifts you had given him on the shelf of his bedroom. Each one was specific to him. If someone on the team had mentioned wanting something or something they liked — at the end of the week it would be sitting on their desk with a little pink sticky note and a small ‘I hope you like it!’ in your hand writing.

He noticed that a lot of the time your gifts for him reference whatever he had rambled about the most that week, because he never explicitly told you he wanted anything or liked something because he knew you would go out of your way to get him it — you however found a way anyways.

Doctor who figurines, books, dvd’s. one week you had noticed him fidgeting more than normal and on the friday evening you had left a small collection of different fidget toys for him, with the same pink sticky note that wrote, ‘Picking at your skin is bad!! it can lead to infections and sometimes if you do it too much you could end up needing surgery. (I dont know if thats true, doctor google wasn’t helpful!) I hope these help’

He hadn’t picked at his skin since, if he was fidgeting it was with one of the small metal fidgets you had gifted him.

“Good morning!” You chirped — suddenly the room seemed brighter as you walked into the bullpen, your bag was slung over your shoulders as you made your way towards your desk. You turned your head to offer Spencer a sweet smile.

He returned it, lifting his hand to wiggle his fingers in a gentle waving. A habit he had picked up from you. You never just waved like everyone else did, instead you just held up your hand and wiggled your fingers. When you were asked about it you had smiled and shrugged and said it seemed like your fingers were dancing.

Spencer was pretty sure it was the sweetest reasoning for something he had even heard, but maybe that was just the fact it was coming from you.

“Did you like the dvd I gave you on Friday? The documentary one — if you have even watched it yet! I thought it was interesting!!” You said as you placed your bag on your desk. He thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest at the way your hair fell over your face when your head dropped down to look at your desk.

He shuffled slightly at his desk to sit up a little bit straighter. “I watched it.” He stated. Any dvd you gave him he watched the night he had got it. This one particularly — he had known all of the information that was in it, but it didn’t stop him from enjoying it any less — because you liked it enough to recommend it to him.

“I thought it was interesting.” He nodded, you lifted your head and smiled and he started to wonder at what point that sweet smile would stop having an effect on him. He partly hoped it never would. “I watched another one yesterday. I think you’d like it.” He said, not mentioning the fact he had paid extra attention to all of it, making sure it included something you were interested in, just so he could recommend it to you then talk to you about it the next day.

You grinned, leaning against your desk as you looked at him. He was thankful your desk was so close to his. That you were so close to him. Close enough to have a conversation without having to talk across the room, close enough that he could lean over and help with whatever you needed if you asked.

“The documentaries you watch might be a little above my expertise. I think I’ll just be confused the entire time” You giggled out, tilting your head slightly to the side. He shook his head instantly, eyes following the hair that fell the way your head tilted, down your shoulder.

“You’re smart, you’d understand.” He said.

You smiled and raised your eyebrow slightly, “I’m not smart like you’re smart, Spence.” You shook your head, just as he had a few minutes ago.

He shrugged, “Not many people are” It came out cockier than he intended, he was about to apologise for how it sounded before he heard you let out a gutty laugh. A real laugh. “If- If you’d like.. We uh- We could watch it together and I could explain to you whatever you don’t understand” He added, then he realised he had basically just invited you to hang out with him. Just you and him, in an unprofessional setting. Now his mind was fuelled by the fear of rejection.

That fear dimmed when your smile widened. “Really? That would be great! I’d love that.” You had said.

Spencers mind went to almost a million different places in that moment. He thought about curling up with you on his couch, the documentary playing on his tv as you focused intently on whatever information was being said, he would admire you, he would ache to pull you closer and kiss your smiling lips.

Then he remembered how kind you were. The memory was both a blessing and a curse because then he remembered that your acceptance was probably an acceptance from your kind heart and want to spend time with your friend, opposed to wanting to spend time with him.

You smiled at him sweetly again before you were rushing off to greet JJ and tell her about something silly or maybe talk about whatever the two of you did on the weekend. He knew you often went out with the girls of the team on weekends.

Those nights he would lay in bed and wonder what you were doing, what you were wearing, how your hair was done, if you were laughing at a strangers jokes — you probably were. He knew that because you laughed at everyone’s jokes.

if all the joy in the world was wrapped up into a bundle and forced upon a person — that person was you. Spencer didn’t know if he had ever seen you not smiling and honestly his heart ached for the day he would have to.

“Hey Spence?” His head turned instantly towards the sound of your voice, he looked around to see you on your tiptoes trying to reach a file from a top shelf. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. You didn’t need to say anything else before he was standing and walking over towards you.

He reached up, fingertips skimming along the files, “Which one do you need?” He asked gently, his eyes dipping away from the files to meet yours as you returned flat on your feet, a grateful smile on your lips, staring up at him.

“Um” You paused, eyebrows furrowing before a laugh left your lips, “The.. second one- I think” You paused before nodding.

He smiled “You think?” reaching up to pull out the second file nonetheless. He heard you sigh dramatically — he didn’t need to look at you to know you were smiling still, probably pushing hair behind your ear.

“Yes, I think.” You stated. He pulled out the file, handing it to you. You took it gently, flicking through it for a moment, your eyes dancing along the words on the page before nodding.

You scrunched up your nose a little when you looked back up at him. “— I thought right! Thank you Spence. You’re amazing and great and awesome” You rambled, flooding him with praise. He felt his cheeks warm at your never ending compliments despite how often you gave them. You constantly reminded him how amazing you thought he was — when he was doing the most minimal things.

He wanted to take it as a sign that maybe you felt the same way he did but then you’d flood someone else with the same praise and that flame of hope would dwindle down just as fast as it came alight.

“You’re welcome” He settled on as his eyes lingered on yours for a moment, your cheeks were a warm shade of pink and he wondered if that had anything to do with him rather than the fact the room was just a little bit warmer than normal.

You grinned and turned away. He followed as you walked back towards the desks. He sat down at his desk, swivelling his chair to face your desk. “I was thinking — if you wanted, this weekend we could watch that documentary at mine, my dog gets a bit excited around new people but he could stay outside if it makes you more comfortable— Oh and theres a new take away shop near my house if you wanted to get dinner” You rambled about your plan’s absentmindedly as you looked over the case.

Spencer felt his heart pull for a number of reasons, one because he didn’t even know you had a dog. He couldn’t help but wonder if everyone else did and this was just a piece of information he had missed out on. Secondly, at the fact you were serious about watching the documentary with him. You actually wanted to.

He had partly assumed you had just agreed because you were kind and didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and it would just be plans you two never really followed through with. He should’ve known better — because it was you.

“You don’t have plans with the girls?” He asked, eyebrows pinched together because he could clearly remember this morning hearing you and Emily talk about where you guys would go this weekend.

You let out a gentle laugh, shaking your head. “Im making plans with you actually. I go out with them every weekend, I’m sure they will survive without me for one.” You smiled sweetly at him, and his heart felt like it was being clenched by someones tight hand.

He tried to hide the fact his cheeks had turned an ugly shade of pink, and that his eyes had blinked away from your captivating gaze for a moment. “That- Yeah- Yeah. That would, thats fine. Your dog is fine. We can get dinner.” He stammered out, because apparently your kindness took away his ability to think straight. Although he knew that already.

“Great!” You smiled. Suddenly Spencer hoped this week would go fast. He turned his gaze back to yours as a question weighed on his tongue, a wonder.

“What type of dog do you have?” He asked, his tone laced with curiosity as he watched you reorganise your desk. How you were smiling while doing something so mundane had his stomach filling with an ache of longing.

You raised your eyes back to his, a gasp of excitement leaving your lips at the opportunity to talk about your dog. “A golden retriever!!” You said, before going into a ramble about your dog.

He grinned as he listened to every word. He couldn’t help but think, a golden retriever. That was so fitting.

What Spencer wasn’t expecting at the end of the week, was a book sitting on his desk. The book wasn’t the surprising part. It was the pink sticky note and what it had written on it that sparked his curiosity.

‘I read this last week and I know romance novels aren’t usually your style but I thought of you. Its annotated. The key is on the back. Have the greatest night <3’

You had already left for the night after dropping everyone’s weekly small gift off around their desks and waving goodbye. Spencer knew you left a little earlier than anyone else to get the bus. You knew how to drive, you had a car. When he had asked you why you got the bus everyday you had told him you just enjoyed people watching.

He constantly worried about what may happen with the dangers of public transport and with how kind you were — well you would be an easy target. How could he tell you that he worried about you when you gave him the sweetest reasoning in the world? How could he tell you he worried without pouring his heart out to you.

Spencer went home that night and in bed he read the book you had gifted him — you were right, romance novels weren’t necessarily his favourite but it didn’t stop him from reading it with just as much interest because it was you that recommended it.

His eyes danced along the key on the back for your annotation. Pink was things you found sweet, green was moments you found interesting, yellow was things that moments that made you sad. — that one made Spencer’s lips pull into a tug because how dare anything make someone so sweet so sad?

But what really caught his interest was the blue. ‘things i want you to know’ It made him wonder what things in this book could possibly be something you wanted him to know.

When reading, he came across many colours and lines highlighted, most in pink and green, a few in yellow, but there was only one part highlighted in blue, it was lines in a conversation in the middle of a particularly mushy love confession between the two characters of the book.

‘You smile a lot.’ was highlighted in blue,

and then, “When you’re around, its hard not to’

Spencer didn’t know what it meant — thats not true. He knew what it meant, he knew what you were saying but he didn’t know what it meant about how you felt about him. His mind swirled with the possibility that you might feel something for him.

How it was possible that someone like you, could ever feel anything for someone like him had his mind in a frenzy.

That didn’t matter when Spencer finished the book and added it to the collection of items you had gifted him, he kept the sticky note and placed it back on the book. He looked over the collection — each gift partnered with the sticky note you had written when gifting them.

Spencer Reid loved you, and if he played any part in making you smile — That was enough for him.

[cutielando]

Hi ! hope you're having a great day/evening/night,

I had an idea for a smau with someone on the f1 grid (it can be anyone but I have a preference for either Oscar or Logan), so I'm a fan of the bands Ghost and Sleep Token, which is something so very different from f1 and I kept wondering what would happen if those fandom where to merge together, so the request basically is that the reader is in a band like ghost or sleep token and they're dating one of the guys on the grid, and so those 2 very different fandom meet,

so like how would they interact and all, or maybe there would be some people that are in both fandoms, idk

there's no pressure for you to make it if you have no idea of how to do it or if you simply don't want to <3

rock star girlfriend | o.p.

social media au

my masterlist

Instagram

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sleep_token Another night to remember

view all 10,385 comments

yourusername such a unique experience 🤍

sleepingdreaming sleep token never disappoints

sleep_token We live to please.

sleepingdreaming 😭😭i can die happy now

user1 they are really something

logansargeant very special night indeed 😮‍💨

user2 excuse me? LOGAN SARGEANT AT A SLEEP TOKEN CONCERT?

user3 their concerts seem so much fun :(((

user4 they are the best, the energy they being to every performance is like nothing i have ever seen before

user5 does anyone know who the members are?

user4 no, they’re completely anonymous. the only thing we could really say is that they have a girl and the rest of them are men but that’s kinda it 😅

user6 super amazing night ❤️❤️

liked by f1wags, sleepingdreaming and 10,184 others

formula1gossippofficial New couple alert? 🚨 Logan Sargeant and Oscar Piastri were spotted attending a Sleep Token concert last night in Australia. The McLaren driver was seen getting cozy with an unknown woman the entire night and reports said they disappeared from the concert together in the late hours of the night. What do we think? 🤔

view all 1,925 comments

user1 maybe we should let him live his life?

user2 i never thought i would hear Oscar Piastri and Sleep Token used in the same sentence 😅

sleepingdreaming i can confirm they were there, seemed to have had a lot of fun as well

user3 is it true that he was with a girl there?

sleepingdreaming yes, they seemed very close too. logan seemed to be more of a third wheel than anything else to be honest 😂

op81fan she must be very special to make Oscar go out and stay that late on a race weekend🤔🤔

user4 the fact that he never goes out before a race and now he did and was seen with a girl in public makes me think she is hella special 👀

iMessage

yourname❤️

did you see the pictures?

oscar🐨❤️

i did

i’m sorry, i should have known there were gonna be paparazzi all over town last night

yourname❤️

babe, i don’t mind

i wanna be seen with you

i just don’t want people to figure out i’m in the band or anything, it would ruin the whole anonymity thingy lol

oscar🐨❤️

i’ll protect you❤️

i’ll make sure nobody figures it out

yourname❤️

in the meantime, wanna have some fun with the fans?😈

oscar🐨❤️

what did you have in mind?

yourname❤️

😈😈👀👀👀

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yourusername melbourne, you're a gem

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yourbff damn girl

yourusername

logansargeant i see what you did there

yourusername impressive, right?

oscarpiastri must be a special city

yourusername some pretty special fellas roaming around the streets as well

oscarpiastri that's really interesting. tell me more

yourusername that would be inappropriate

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oscarpiastri music is cool‼️

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user1 OSCAR???????

user2 WHO IS THAT?????

logansargeant you're getting better at this

oscarpiastri i've been taking lessons to make sure i don't screw it up😃

yourusername damn ;)

oscarpiastri 😈

sleepingdreaming this fandom merge is wiiiiiild

user3 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T???

sleepingdreaming maybeeeee...👀👀

user4 i never thought i would see Oscar being into rock

landonorris i don't believe that's you

oscarpiastri you can believe whatever you want

landonorris hmmm

yourusername you better believe it😮‍💨

landonorris you could spare me the details, thank you

mclaren We didn't know how to feel about this, but we're starting to love it!🧡 liked by oscarpiastri and yourusername

iMessage

yourname❤️

do you think we should tell them?

oscar🐨❤️

do you want to tell everyone?

i completely understand if you’re not ready yet

it’s a lot of pressure being seen with me

the fans are crazy

yourname❤️

have you seen my fans, babe?😂

they are just like yours, if not worse sometimes

they just want to protect both of us

oscar🐨❤️

so you want to make things official?

come to the paddock as my girlfriend?

yourname❤️

i think it's time we tell the world

it just sucks nobody in your world is really going to know who i am

oscar🐨❤️

i thought your friends didn't know who you are?

yourname❤️

they have suspicions

i think that deep down, they know who we all are

but nobody says anything because we've built our image on being anonymous

it's like knowing but without saying it out loud, you know

oscar🐨❤️

so your fans will know you're dating an F1 driver but mine won't know i'm dating the lead singer of Sleep Token?

yourname❤️

pretty much, yeah

oscar🐨❤️

so cool❤️

okay, i'll post a picture of us then

yourname❤️

be careful which pictures you post

i wanna look good :(

oscar🐨❤️

babe

you look good in every photo i have of you

yourname❤️

awwwwwww

i love you my koala bear🐨🐨❤️

oscar🐨❤️

i love you too my rockstar girl❤️

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oscarpiastri got bored of soft-launching tagged: yourusername

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yourusername staaaaawp

yourusername i love you so much ❤️❤️

oscarpiastri i love you more 🧡

logansargeant i’m surprised you managed to keep it a secret for this long to be honest

oscarpiastri you need to stop underestimating me, you know

yourusername i didn’t think we would be able to pull it off either…

oscarpiastri ⁉️⁉️

yourusername sorryyyyyyyyy

landonorris i am very hurt that i wasn’t aware you are in a relationship

yourusername we were literally introduced…

oscarpiastri i literally told you about her

landonorris …oh

yourbff my favorite couple ❤️

yourusername ❤️❤️

nicolepiastri i can’t wait to see you guys tonight!!❤️

yourusername we can’t wait either!!!❤️

user1 I KNEW IT

user2 ITTY BITTY OSCAR HAS A GF????😭😭

sleepingdreaming ❤️ i love seeing it

user3 WHAT DO YOU KNOW???????

sleepingdreaming i can’t say 🥲🫶🏻

user4 THEY ARE SO CUТЕ😭❤️❤️❤️

user5 he looks so happy 🥹🥹

georgerussell63 she’s really a gem

oscarpiastri she’s amazing, isn’t she? so talented as well

yourusername you’re making me blush 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

user6 never thought i would see Oscar dating a rocker girl

user7 why not? he loves her regardless of that

user6 i know !!! i didn’t mean it in a bad way, it’s just really cute how they seem to be opposites but getting along great

user8 she really seems to be helping Oscar get out of his comfort zone

sleep_token ❤️ liked by yourusername and oscarpiastri

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[glitter-stained]

My very personal rating of every lazarus pit fanon side effects I've ever read, ranked from favourite to least favourite :

Tapetum lucidum (the thing cats have that makes their eyes gleam in the dark): that's so creepy and cool, eery in a more discreet way than a full-on glow, idk who hced that first but they are a genius

Contaminated blood laced with the lazarus protein: because our blood renews itself pretty often, this implies the existence of either a lazarus organ that continues to pump the lazarus protein in the blood, or, more probably, the contamination of one of the blood producing organs, maybe of the bone marrow, by the Lazarus pit. Like imagine the Lazarus Pit changing you down to the inside of your bone... The implications are so fascinating I'd love to read more about it.

Altered dna: this doesn't make sense, how does the magical healing pit change your dna, I love it so much, tell me more about the magic gatorade that rewrites dna

Accelerated healing/enhancements: what's funnier, that the pit gave Jason metahuman abilities like being able to withstand a meteorite and going toe-to-toe with Deathstroke (the wiki's words, not mine) and it was just never discussed, or that nothing Jason went through gave him these abilities that he really shouldn't have and he still does and it was just never discussed? I don't know but still, that stuff is top-tier

Glowing green eyes: on the one hand, eyes that glow when the person is feeling intense negative emotions (even better it's not just rage, like, imagine having a flashback or nightmare or getting fear toxined and their eyes glow and people think they're about to attack but they just scream that'd be so cool) but on the other hand, I feel like the colour is too limiting. Sure, Ra's or Riddler can fuck with the glowing green but come on, my girl Cass deserves eyes that glow gold (like the gold from the Batgirl suit). Jason deserves to have glowing red eyes. Cicero says that eyes are the reflection of the soul and while I love the idea of the lazarus pit being toxic, contaminating a part of the person's soul, in comics, a character's colour scheme is an essential part of their graphic identity, and I think altering it to the point of giving it a totally different colour is too much for my taste personally. Like, you are still the same person that you were before the bad thing happened. Yes, it changed you irrevocably, but you are still yourself and you should still have the right to your name and to the colour of your soul.

Lazarus Rage/Pit Madness: so I've seen this one criticized pretty often, often because of how unnecessary, and honestly probably damaging, to the understanding of Jason's character after his resurrection. And like, I agree, but also I've found myself to enjoy the fanon version of the Batfam. Like, I don't like that it's murky and confusing sometimes to figure out which is fanon or canon and that that leads people to judging canon actions from a standard of fanon information, and parts of it can be sexist or racist or classist, but the same can be said from canon, you have to be critical with what you consume. Basically to me there are two batfams and I consume both differently and enjoy both, and in the context of fanon I enjoy Pit Madness. The idea of uncontrollable, alien rage is fun, is angsty, and as someone with intense anger issues I'm telling you writing a lazarus rage episode was one of the most cathartic things I've ever written and it felt so good. I also think part of the upset on the subject is a bit undeserved because I see people complain that "the lazarus doesn't work like that because it didn't do that to other people" as if the way the lazarus pit worked made any sense. You're telling me this stuff healed Jason's malnutrition but it didn't fix his trauma? That it healed the Riddler's brain cancer but couldn't be bothered to fuck with Jason's hypertrophied amygdala and the fucked up connections between his amygdala and hippocampus??! Obviously we can't expect dc to know or care about science that much , but I still have the right to be nerdy about it. Jason went into the pit resurrected by God and with brain damage and Ra's said it was a plague and that could make him crazy, I fully believe he could have gotten Pit Madness even if the others hadn't.

Eye-colour change: that's the same thing as the glowing part but without the fun part, really dislike it. I need to be able to listen to I know these eyes/this man is dead from the Count of MonteCristo Musical while making up Under the Red Hood edits in my head please and thank you

Lazarus Pit brings people back to life: I hate it so much dc stop treating life and death so inconsequentially oh my gosh characters fighting life and death situations should not have a source of immortality right in hand I hate that lazarus resin lazarus toxin stuff they have right now and the idea that the pits can bring back to life plays into that idea so I really dislike it. I understand the appeal, it's the basics of coming back wrong with a side of rebirth in the water but instead of being purified it's being poisoned, but I just can't get over how frustrating it is to see a beloved character die and only be able to say I hope he doesn't come back for his own sake and then he comes back. Urgh.

[storm-and-starlight]

Rodimus and ADHD

I'm gonna start this out by saying that Rodimus having ADHD is something that's been pretty fundamental to my understanding of the character since I first read MTMTE/Lost Light (seriously, I can point you to the exact panel when I went "oh okay this is Canon to me now") but also that I've almost never seen a portrayal that really vibes with how I interpret it? A lot of the fics and fanon I've come across tend to take a fairly... typical view on and portrayal of ADHD where the things that are focused on are hyperactivity and task/responsibility/boredom avoidance, and to me that's not... it's not the, like, the fundamentals of how I read Rodimus and ADHD? It's not the main issues that affect who he is and how he interacts with the world -- those would instead be the impulsivity and the... idk how to phrase it, the "ADHD trauma"? It's really distinct and I'll get to it later.

The impulsivity is fairly easy to get to, and fairly obvious -- the best representation of how it manifests in Rodimus specifically is in the initial description of the Rodpod, where someone (I can't quite tell who from the panel) says "you know what he's like: he obsesses over something, then gets bored" and then it's revealed that Rodimus presumably commissioned an entire ship built in the shape of his own head. That's really what I see as the main ADHD symptom -- the mix of obsession and impulsivity. We see it when he gets everyone to go on the quest, we see it when he tries to chop off his own arm because he thinks it might stop the future from happening, we see it in his plan to stop the sparkeater -- it's basically how he responds to every problem he's presented with, and often significantly more than that, and that kind of impulsivity is very much a noted feature of ADHD. (Being briefly but intensely obsessed with something before losing interest and dropping it is also a really big ADHD thing -- just look at the cycle of hyperfixations that's so common in fandom).

(Also, when combined with his ego, recklessness, and carelessness, you get basically the entire negative side of his personality out of this, which is why I consider it so fundamental to his character -- significantly more so than, say, task avoidance.) (though recklessness, and carelessness are also fairly common with ADHD -- it's related to impulsivity in general.)

The "ADHD trauma" thing is a little trickier to explain: it's basically how I describe the constant awareness that you have screwed the hell up in the past when it's important and you are going to screw the hell up in the future when it's important and hating the fact that it happens and yet also being completely and fundamentally aware that it's something you can never, ever change about yourself no matter how hard you try (because you have tried, in the past, and it has never worked even a little bit). Like, hello, that basically describes my entire childhood and also the lives of most of my friends who also have ADHD. The panel that convinced me that he does have ADHD is the one that basically explicitly describes this, in Lost Light where he and Drift are talking after they return from the Functionist Universe and Rodimus says "Oh, I know what I'm like. That's the trouble. I know exactly what I'm like -- I just can't stop myself," because, like. that's it. that's the experience in a nutshell.

And like, I'm not saying that this is super severe -- he definitely has more self-confidence than is often warranted, but he also does have a lot of self-esteem issues, and I think this is really the root of them: failing, over and over, until you reach the point where you start thinking that it's bound to happen someday and that everyone will hate you for it forever. That's a super common experience with the kind of disability that ADHD is, especially if you don't know you have it in the first place, and that combined with all the smaller traits (the impulsivity, the hyperfixation, and yes even the task/responsibility/boredom avoidance) is what really convinced me that he is an ADHD character.

[laroinda]

i just caught up to wind breaker manga (the satoru nii one) and i desperately need to rant abt it

let's start from the fact that i'm not a fan of this genre of manga. the only other delinquent series i've actually read was t*kyo r*vengers but we shall not speak about this one and it certainly didn't leave a good impression of this type of manga on me. so imagine my surprise when i tuned in to the first episode of wind breaker and i found myself tearing up by the end of it, let's just say that it was quite unexpected.

the thing that surprised me the most about this series is the heart that it has. yes it's cheesy, yes it's cringe at times, yes the premise of the town and the school is so silly it might just fall apart if you start looking at it too closely. but the series manages to build the sense of community within this place so fast and so well that i never actually found myself questioning any of that.

another thing that was a really nice surprise was how kind the series is, both with its characters and with the themes it builds itself on. the main one of course being opening yourself up and learning how to trust others. every time we see a character struggle with that it tugs at my heartstrings so much i end up barely able to read the chapter cause my eyes water immediately, especially when it's about sakura himself.

sakura, oh my dear sakura. i could sing him praises for hours i fear so i'll try to keep it short. he's just incredible. he's truly the heart of the story in every sense of the word. he's so kind! he's such a good person, even if he doesn't believe it or doesn't know how to properly express his care for others! he's so lovable from the start, even before you see him grow into the person he is at the current stage of the manga. and he keeps growing and changing and becoming the person he probably never thought he could ever become before he came to furin. and it's all because of the people around him that accept him and let him grow at his pace, even if he makes mistakes or doesn't do things exactly right immediately.

i love the slightly more recent imagery of comparing him to a plant that started to grow since he joined furin. it started in the stretch between the keel arc and the red lights district arc when he decided that furin is the place that he belongs in and we saw a little sprout, but i feel like it's gonna come to full fruition in this arc. it's pretty clear to me considering that endo literally compares him to a flower and his whole thing is to try and set sakura on fire (metaphorically of course... i hope). it's probably gonna be contrasted to umemiya who's literally a gardener and under whose care and leadership, directly or not, sakura was finally able to grow because he was nurtured by those around him. in this case the main person who allowed that to happen would be umemiya as he's the one who made furin into what it is now. also, i've seen quite a lot of people be worried (?) about sakura potentially going with endo to protect furin but idk man i don't think that would happen. the angst potential is incredible but he was literally calling out that girl in the red lights arc (i'm sorry i forgot her name, it slipped my mind cause i've read like 90% of this manga in two days) for... basically doing just that. giving herself up so that others could be safe without thinking about their feelings. i feel like he's probably gonna take that lesson and apply it here.

speaking of which, i love this whole theme of passing down knowledge and advice on how to handle things that are new to you. first it's kotoha telling sakura that he needs allies to be at the top of furin, that he should start facing people that want to be there for him and even the small things like telling him to just say "leave it to me" when someone asks for help. and then, in the keel arc, he uses the same advice he was given before and gives it to someone else who's also struggling with quite similiar things to him. then there's him learning how to rely on other boys in his class and going to kaji for advice, who's very clearly meant to be kind of a parallel to sakura. kaji's went to somewhat similiar things, he's just further down the path of figuring out who he is, what he can and can't do that sakura is (or at least that was the case when they talked). so he gives sakura advice, one that was given to him before by hiragi when he was struggling as a newly made grade captain who felt like he was wholly undeserving of the trust that people placed in him and felt like he's gonna dissapoint them. he knows exactly what sakura is struggling with so he can help him the way he was helped before, the same way that sakura helped nagato before.

i have a lot more thoughts about this series but they are not sorted out in my brain in any way yet so i'm not gonna say anything more cause this on its own is messy as hell

[solo-by-choice]

alright, so would my fave survive castle Dracula? For the sake of @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula I'm doing Josh Lyman from The West Wing myself. Although I've only seen the show once and am not super... sure of my ability to remember enough minutiae to do this but I'm trying anywayyy

uh, no. He'd die. lol.

He wouldn't take the crucifix. He's not a superstitious person for the most part so I think he'd just find everyone freaking out about him going to the castle to be ridiculous. He's also Jewish. If he did take the crucifix, it would be to get the lady to stop bothering him and then he certainly wouldn't wear it.

He is technically a lawyer. I guess. He doesn't practice law, though, and I don't think he ever has. I suppose he could, but you know what let's not get into this because then I'll start questioning what an American from the late 90s/early naughts is doing in this story... (If Josh were from 1897 I suppose he'd be from Europe in the first place, but not England, and I'm having trouble imagining Dracula going to all this trouble to move to idk Poland or whatever.)

anyway

So maybe Josh doesn't make it past the shaving scene.

If he does, I think he might be able to keep alive for a while. He's good at talking; he could keep Dracula entertained as a conversation partner. The biggest issue might be his documented inability to be civil with people he doesn't like. He might be better at faking it with someone who has a (metaphorical) gun to his head, but we have no data on that kind of situation.

I doubt he'd put up with Dracula's weird touchy-feely habits. I'm not sure what he'd do about it, but I just don't think he'd be as fun to toy with as poor Jonathan because he wouldn't have Victorian manners preventing him from calling Dracula's behavior out. Which of course means Dracula won't put up with him as long.

If anyone's expecting him home on time, it's Donna. And presumably his boss is either Leo or Bartlett. (Sorry I'm thinking too much about transposing the cast of west wing into Dracula rather than assuming everything is the same in Josh's life which I think is how you're supposed to do this. So whyy is the deputy white house chief of staff bringing real estate paperwork to a count in Romania? oh nvm) Unfortunately I'm betting none of these people know shorthand, so Josh can't try and send them secret messages.

I do think Donna would recognize any letter that wasn't written in Josh's voice, but what good would that do them?

Does Josh get eaten by the Girlies? I guess the real question is whether Dracula saves him. I don't think Dracula would find Josh as fun a plaything as he did Jonathan. By this point Josh has probably started loudly demanding to be allowed to leave, is climbing the walls in boredom in every way but literally and has read every English book Dracula owns and taught himself basic Romanian. Josh's no genius, but he's smart and has the energy level of a working dog. He needs enrichment! Anyway Dracula probably thinks he's really annoying and maybe he lets his roommates bite him.

Unfortunately for him, Vampire!Josh is also annoying. But if they could get past that, Josh could do a great job running Dracula's take-over of his new country. Wants to be the guy the guy relies on, after all. America won't know what's hit it.

[maddy-ferguson]

women will literally accuse women and esp lesbian circles of "not unpacking ""man-hating""" alleged ""misandry" sweetie xo" getting offended ppl aren't appropriately uplifting how "men are amazing and awesome and attractive and i won't be shamed for thinking so" as if appreciating men is a real counter opinion than blame whatever gave women of every sexuality instance to be jaded weary cautious and tired and who'll complain every now and then and continue on with her life until she dies putting up with patriarchy. just welcome to the "woke" internet where misogyny's over and "man-hate" "shamed for not hating men" is worth springing to defences for

yeah i've only seen people talk like men's rights activists and think they're being unbelievably progressive on tumblr it's kind of fascinating. like i can see how seeing people hate on men could mess with people and stuff but you can't demand men appreciation posts that's literally the whole world outside of idk your tumblr dash (or even on your tumblr dash because fandom misogyny from people who think they're not misogynistic at all is really something). men get praised for "babysitting" their own kids like be serious? it's very let men be masculine

i don't think being like men are soooo gross and we hate them is actually constructive and it can definitely veer into transphobia (you'll always be a man/"a male" and thus a danger to women/why would you ever want to become a man they're the enemy and the bane of society etc) and homophobia relatively quickly?

but the way people ON TUMBLR ""combat that"" is often so off to me like if the most basic feminist principles offend you then i'm not really sure where to go from here. i remember seeing a post that was like "men aren't your enemy. they're your friend/brother/father/colleague/neighbor" with a lot of notes and like i don't know how to tell you this but that's literally who's most likely to harm a woman, the men she knows?😭 and obviously not every system of oppression is exactly the same but would you say the same thing to someone criticizing white people like...just very weird

i think women who are attracted to men and dating them making jokes about how they only tolerate being attracted to men because they have no choice and especially the whole i'm bi so i love every woman and only find 1 in a 1000 men attractive (very often said while in a relationship with a man) thing is obnoxious and annoying for like everyone who has to hear it lmao but also when women who date men make jokes about it (not about them being ugly or unattractive or whatever but about them being bad partners in general) it's like. what else are they going to do like you said they're gonna endure patriarchy for the rest of their lives and as girlfriends/wives/mothers they go through the most it's very bleak? idk. it's not like you can date a better man yourself out of patriarchy

of course men aren't a all as bad as the worst guy you can imagine and they're not all out to get you or whatever but saying things like "men don't all benefit from the patriarchy rich men benefit from the patriarchy but jake, 23, is not oppressing you" is like. kind of insane. jake, 14, was oppressing me like have you never interacted with boys in school😭 and it's not like it was entirely their fault we all have to outgrow misogyny it's just you know society etc but some of them never outgrow it lmao and just...the takes you see on feminism on tumblr are astounding i hate it here

[m0e-ru]

hi ive been binging your blog a lot recently. i rlly adore the sheer effort you've given to these dumbass fucking characters that otherwise get such little people even attempting to appreciate or engage with them beyond very shallow depths. as someone who only really got into the p4 games relatively recently (2022. my only remembered experience with the series beforehand was like a couple episodes of the the p4anim years ago and playing p5 in 2016/2017) and kind of being shell-shocked by how characters like marie and teddie and namatame were perceived by the overall fanbase once i started engaging with it more i really appreciate all the writing and analysis and art and other shit you do for them. even the gas station attendant, a character i overlooked initially, i've come to love because of all the time and energy you put into picking them apart like a dead frog in a science class

uh yea idfk i feel generally vindicated by seeing the way you characterize these bitches. especially marie as someone who felt like a lot of her interesting aspects were evaporated by the fandom (somewhat because of p4ga i feel but but still) and wanted to see more silly fanart of her (and shumarie/soumarie/whatecvrer the fuck that wasn't just kind of surface level romance becuz i rlly do love their dynamic w how i see bancho in my head. idiots who dont know how to properly express themselves w one repressing themselves to adopt a likable persona and the other unable to shut the fuck up much to their own detriment. im not gonna get over that fucking "marie makes everyday sunny for him" post ever i think) so uh keep on keeping on and ill continue to like your posts and something

anyway dumb stupid cringe fucking rant over. i apologize if i come off like a loser i dont use this website and idk the general tumblr etiquette. im pretty sure shit like this shouldnt even go here but . dont need to respond to this i just wanted to yell into the void cuz i appreciate this account. rest of this will just be panels of marie and teddie and bancho from some of the p4g anthologies i own that i wanted to share in the off chance that you also dont already own said anthologies n have seen them befor. these r only from the last ID antho and the dengeki one because those r the only 2 i have proper pictures of

hai i read this ages ago and i wanna get back to it by saying youre so awesome possum forever and ever dont worry about your ettiquette because getting 3 essay worthy paragraphs of you talking is basically everyone ive met in the tumblr nation

another thing i remember is that a bestie also loved your offerings esp the last one because those two look so lalala AUAHUAHA okay i should answer this ask properly now that i have the time 🏃🏃🏃🏃

can we give it up for the bingers and blog skimmers !?!?!?! you guys are such an interesting breed i remember trying to do that in 2018 i can already recall the thrill going through my blood im so honored to see people doing that and moreso coming to me to tell me about it WAHAUHAHA 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

this gas station (blog) really is catered to the niche market of all time also because the way my brain is wired to just go in the dustiest nooks and corners of a community and thrive and live there. i AM the bug you see when you lift up the rock . hai . i'll do anything for these poor poor characters being tossed around like hot potato with people who dont bother understanding thing or even try to pick them up at all. also im getting such a kick every time someone tells me i got them into appreciating the attendant or even iznmi more OR in a different way. thats why im here bros . me when i do my JOB !!!! ��🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

the way fandom handles shipping has always irked me because theres just SO much you can do with two characters than just make them hold hands. what if there was blood invovled, you know . /starts pacing around the room / you know im glad you know the know it's so cool you know /shaking you/ im glad i have a post that's affected you so much like i thought it was just a silly caption at the time and seeing it after 2 or 3 years is like "YEAHH i cooked this " and im glad you brought it to me hehehe

i hope this gas station brings you joy and you keep coming back for more etc etc and please know i really am happy to see you around in whatever branch you show up at 🫡🫡🫡 /explordes

[rosemelon82]

i'm not going to pretend like i think nobody is interested cuz this is the best movie of 2023 and you cannot tell me otherwise and also everyone has been waiting for this for forever so

SPOILER WARNING I AM RANTING ABOUT SPIDERMAN ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SO BEWARE IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET

im writing this because i wasnt able to fully rant to my friends and my family doesnt want to listen so i dont really care and im screaming out into the void of tumblr. will someone hear me? i wonder

ANYWAYS (listening to the fire soundtrack as i write this)

that was the best movie i've ever seen and arguably even better than the first one. i am simply obsessed with every single detail of this movie and i cannot stop thinking about it. also me and friend were basically freaking out about everything cuz it was so damn good i cannot even stop.

there was a huge amount of parallels to the other spiderman content that we've seen and i love the way they incorporated them. the way miles saved gwen when falling during that one fight scene with spot. the bus scene with pavitr and gayatri who btw i am totally obsessed with. the way all the words that O'Hara said to miles were basically opposite of what his mother said to him earlier in the movie. the way he was listening to music on his bed when gwen showed up. the scenes from other universes where its mcu canon??? the reference to earth 19999 from miguel??? and a ton more of course

because i am also desi (lore reveal!) and also just because he was done so well. im just sad that they did not include more of him in the movie after his earth canon event was disrupted. it felt pretty raw to see almost the same scene from no way home in across the spiderverse with pavitr instead of tom holland. i also like that regardless of what consequences it has later, even if he doesnt know yet, he's able to save inspector singh. also mentionable is that they switched from mira jain to gayatri singh. in the spiderman india comics they had mira jain and props to the creators for the rep for jains cuz they don't get seen in media very much or at all for whatever reason. maybe cuz most of it is now like gwen stacy canon or whatever? idk someone if u know explain to me please

not related to parallels i almost cried at gwen's speech just cuz it resonated with me so much. thats all about that anyways anyways anyways

the art

god i could go on about the art forever. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? TELL ME THAT IS NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SCENE EVER!!!!!!!!!!! every single city scene just blew my mind and the coloring and style of every single spiderman and scene was just stunning and how was it the most amazing thing i've ever seen?????? i cannot get over the coloring for half the scenes. i love the cities differences and the way that everything falls together in each world. my friend pointed out that when miles put his jacket on in earth-42, it was colored purple and black instead of his usual colors, which indicated so much of how he was prowler in this world instead of spiderman. i think it was interesting also to see that switch of character and did you see the way that his face was much more aged as prowler? there were a lot more lines there and he looked more mature in a way. miles morales from earth-1610 had cleaner lines and a lot more chill vibe. also like the character design for miles morales earth 42 holy shit bro that was so cool i cannot even did u see the lines on his chest and the helmet/headpiece thing the way it opened and his hair and voice and omg

ughh don't even mention the ending cuz why did they have to leave on such a cliffhanger like that??? we have to wait until i think next year for the next movie and i will be in the theaters on that premeire night regardless of what i have to get done that night i dont care. im so excited to see what they will do next i can already imagine some of it and its gonna be so beautiful!!!!!!!!!! <333

thanks for reading to the end. i love you guys!

[loveislandthegame]

Is anywhere else doing a sapphic route. I'm so bored that I feel like crying. All het players are exploring their options. Not only are the writers making it seem like my MC is playing the game but I have to watch my LI with someone else for months. Why is it that seasons that treat sapphic players poorly always happen to be fan favourites? I really wish the fandom could have our backs at least once mate. Literally nobody seems to care that LGBT players are getting forked over again. Can't we have a female LI appreciation month or something?

i've seen a few people who are doing claudia/bea routes! i love claud but i do hate how the game treats MC like a hoe for pursuing her when i have been loyal...to her . not to mention all the dialogue about theo & OG LI/casa guy getting pissed off every single time i flirt with her during challenges . it's getting old

there's only 9 episodes left, today's recoupling should've been a chance to actually get with the LI we want . instead we're forced to be with OG LI (or casa guy) all while he's being like "i know you have a thing with claudia...🥺" (i miss season 3 more than ever, being able to couple up with a girl in the second recoupling was amazing, should've been the standard going forward. idk why FB decided to regress)

heavy on the boredom. over half of the drama is centered around OG LI & MC . i think the only way i could make it possibly clearer i don't want him is to dive into the code & rewrite the damn game myself. and don't even get me started on sienna

with the amount of times the game prompts you to choose your "main LI," she could've easily been a bi rival that grafts on whoever you chose (like how valentina can take najuma on a date, not just the guys) of course that wouldn't fix her being annoying and one-dimensional, but at least i'd actually have a reason to care.

(it sucks that wlw players already have so few options to begin with, only to be further limited by having to choose one, way before you have to lock in a male LI . in one of my volume recaps i mentioned how the game was already forcing us to choose between claudia and bea)

i think this season is great if you're on a loyal OG LI route (or just burning the villa lol) and at this point it's just unpleasant for literally anyone else. i wish the same, & i try to call out anything "problematic," idk a better word for it, basically FB's piss poor representation of LGBT and islanders of colour. but i'm only one person, and unfortunately a lot of the fandom has more smoke for sienna than anything

and i think that lack of pressure put on FB to do better is why they're perfectly content with screwing over wlw players (not to mention i've seen some people who shrug it off as "well the show is based on straight couples!🤷🏽" ... even though the game barely follows the show anymore, but i digress)

i just hope that theo romancers (& ppl that wanted their casa LI but got stuck with their OG) who are rightfully mad as well are enough for FB to realise how stupid of a decision this was. being extremely generous and assuming the final recoupling is gonna be right at the beginning in the next episode...we'll have, at most, 9 episodes to be in an official couple with our LI. almost 1/5th of the entire season 🙄🙄🙄

an appreciation month for the ladies would be lovely though . i don't have any experience with organising stuff like that but june/pride month is in 2 months ! 👀

[i-cant-sing]

Ya know those dreams where there is so much plot happening and you can barely keep up and when you wake up you can only remember like 1 thing?

Last night I dreamt that I was in an arranged marriage (idk who arranged it cause I'm an adult and don't speak to my parents) but I get married and like a month into the marriage, we're climbing something and he gets knocked out and like his gamer stats appeared above him and I found out he was 3'3, which is weird cause he was taller than me (he was like 5'8, I'm 5'2) and he was really mad about the fact that I knew for the rest of the dream. he was really nice tho and wasn't mad at me, he was just mad that I knew

BRO I LOVE SLEEPING SM BECAUSE THE WAY MY MIND MAKES DREAMS SPONTANEOUSLY- I COULD NEVER😭😭😭

I remember having this vivid, jarring dream where I was home alone, and some dude came up to my door and was like "I like you and I wanna get married to u. Let's go out?" And he takes me on a car ride and throughout the ride I roasted tf outta this guy cause he was OLD (I'm talking 60s) and he had white hair and a white beard but he was like handsome and fit and athletic build and tall, etc. And even though I kept insulting him and telling him all the reasons why we're incompatible, this dude just smiled softly and had goo goo eyes for me and then we returned to my home and as I got in, he said he was now even more sure that he wants to marry me, and I was like "even if I agreed, which I don't, my parents would never-" and then my uncles and parents come home and they're like yelling at this guy to fuck off and they're like pushing him out of the house but then this old dude gets REALLY MAD and starts fucking screaming and his eyes turn completely black and he's yelling "SHE'S MINE! SHES MINE! ILL MARRY HER ALONE! MINE!" and then idk why, but he suddenly sent a cannonball of fire inside the house and my mom's losing her marbles because wtf is this otherworldly creature????? Meanwhile, this old dudes family pulls up outside our house (and it's people of all ages, from babies, children to adults) and are trying to sweet talk to my family into giving my hand in marriage to this man, but obv my family is like no, and pushes the old dude out of the house. Meanwhile, my mom is crying in the corner and I'm just whining about there being so much noise that it's disturbing my studies.

Anyways, for some reason, I poke my head outside the door to see if these people are gone, but just then someone- a teen girl (maybe 17?) From his family was leaving when she looked back at me and looked me up and down and then had this smile on her face (it wasn't necessarily creepy, but it was... it just told me she wasn't human either) and she said "oh, you're nice. I can see why he likes you." And nodded her head in approval.

And then I wake up and obviously, every bizarre thing- I gotta tell my mom about it. And poor woman, omg she is HORRIFIED as I tell this dream with glee and she's like "I'd never let you marry someone so old and creepy and scary!😭😭😭" and I'm like okay. And then she's like "who do u think the old guy was? Do u know him?" And I'm like I've never seen him before, but he didn't feel like he was human. At first, I thought he was the devil/Shaytaan. But then I saw his family, and it clicked to me that these might be a clan of jinns/djinn (it's an Islamic thing okay? Just look it up yourself) and basically I've heard stories that these supernatural creatures often fall in love with humans and then are dead set upon marrying them and even isolate them/possess them so that they can't marry anyone else and make them so crazy and unhinged that their own family doesn't wanna be near them and now the human's only source of comfort is with the jinn.

So like.... yeah🥰

And my mom was like "SNOW WHY WOULD U THINK THAT! NEVER EVER TELL ME YOUR DREAMS AGAIN!" and I think it's cause a part of her thinks that dreams have subliminal messages/ability that these might come true (cause again, we've all heard of stories that jinns can actually come in your dreams to give you some messages or what not) and I'm just giggling away while she's freaked out.

I think the only other dream of mine that freaked her out like this bad was the one where I explained in gruesome details on how I was buried alive. Like I told her that when they laid me in the grave, I could feel the wet muddy ground against my back💀💀 and she told me to stop before I could say more.

[caernua]

re: your arcana post - i literally don't even go here but i live for drama.... if you were ever to do a video essay or even just a write up in a post about the situation.... i want to know what happened, can't resist 👀👀

oh my goodd it's so eerie to explain it to someone who wasn't involved but this silly little mobile dating sim was just an initial passion project from a small team of employees of an indie game developer that was basically given six weeks to turn in something completely self-indulgent and it quickly got a backing on kickstarter around 2016-2017? beyond that it was quite a classic case of a project becoming more famous than its creators expected and it turns into a bit of a mess bc of their lack of experience. and by that i mean they got very close to the fans, and that's bound to open a can of worms. they used to make weekly q&as and you can't imagine what an exciting event that was, oh my god literally everyone was in a discord server losing their shit bc the devs had opened the askbox and we could ask the stupidest questions in the world about their characters and they would answer bc frankly they were very funny and the characters were all like... established in a funny enough way that it was so easy to make good jokes about them.

and i think what makes it very interesting is that the fandom was actually pretty small, but it felt HUGE. those q&as seemed like the most viral posts you could run into when you logged on tumblr but really most of them had a couple thousand notes at best, even when the arcana was at its most popular. it was literally like living in a small village where everybody knew EVERYBODY. if you posted something, high chance everyone in the fandom would see and reblog. it was like a hive mind.

also part of the reason why it felt so huge was bc everyone was churning out fan content like CRAZY, i don't think there was ever any fandom i've personally been in where i've seen so many people create so much damn stuff and frankly i think it's one of its strongest features. idk what it is about this game but everytime i revisit it inspires me so much, suddenly i wanna pick up my tablet after months, i wanna try writing again, etc. it's just wonderful at urging you to create and i have no idea how one even achieves that.

but yea the fandom slowly disappeared partly due to controversies, some of the creators were found to have been into some questionable stuff back in their not so olden days and they stepped away from the limelight, afterwards i believe a lot of the team stepped away from the game altogether. but it was weird because the controversies were constant, not just towards the creators but also within the fandom itself 💀 and given the huge volume of them they of course ranged from reasonable criticism especially regarding the representation of the characters of color, or the absurd microtransaction to stuff like 'his eyes are drawn bigger in this cg so the artists wanted to make him look like a child so this game caters to pedos actually' dkjgdkfj i saw some CRAZY takes and the bad faith criticism definitely overshadowed the reasonable voices in my opinion, it was not balanced at all. they stopped doing the q&as, the posts they made on their official tumblr became way more sanitized, and actually in a way so did some aspects of the game, and little by little it grew quieter.

and now it's... silent. but it's so near and dear to my heart, i think it's an absolutely wonderful game and what i love about it the most is how much it inspires people to create. and i think the reason why is bc unlike in many games like this (at least i think, i'm not sure cause i haven't played many) your character doesn't just suddenly meet every love interests. they have a connection to some of the love interests and a past they don't remember so it's very interesting to peel those layers back, BUT because it's your character the story stays quite vague about the past. so it's incredibly fun to speculate, to create a backstory, etc! that's i think one of my favorite things about it and it's not a coincidence that arcana went on to inspire some fans to venture into the visual novel genre as creators themselves.

and yea overall it just felt like a close positive community (well. mostly really, we are talking about a fandom on tumblr here so) and a super creative and inspiring one. the jokes were super fun, the art was top notch, the writing was also good. so yea i kinda miss it and it's sad to see how empty it seems now? like i see people from 2020 onward go 'ohh i just discovered this game' and i'm like... MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD... YOU HAVE NO IDEA.... YOU HAD TO BE THERE.... and ig i didn't really answer your question bc i kind of glossed over the drama but i went through the whole phenomenon bc i think it was. really interesting to witness 🫡

[arsonists-oatmeal]

I had finished watching Transformers: Earthspark yesterday. Got a few notes, spoilers below:

-"Malto-bots" awwwww my heart -shit starts ramping up after the halfway mark of the season. which is classic and I did not realize how much I missed that type of pacing -oh, hello body horror in a kids show, didn't expect to see you here! -did not expect to get as invested as I did in the human parts of the plot, like how the rest of humanity is reacting to the Terrans. I think for a kids show they wrote that bit pretty well -speaking of: its clear from the get-go that the whole Terran plot is allegorical to a lot of things. Immigrant families, biracial families, being a first generation citizen, etc. I've seen a lot of media try to use aliens as a plot device for "bigotry is bad", but very rarely have I seen it actually like, show how it hurts people and effects how they see themselves, and show that you have to shut that shit down if you want to be an ally, and not just tolerate your racist uncle, friend, etc. I think this show did a pretty good job of that. It had made parts of me feel seen and heard for the first time ever. -The way they handled the Starscream thing was kind of weak though, imo -Man i wish we got to see Hashtag having more moments with the seekers, she'd fit right in -Nightshade!!! I like Nightshade, I think some parts were a little on the nose (like how they're the only person who introduces themselves with their pronouns), but its not as some people are making it out to be. Idk if its just me but I also feel like they got sidelined more than the rest of the characters, which is suspicious. But anyways, every group needs a mad scientist character who can be slightly unsettling and I'm glad Nightshade is there to fill the role. -Ok i get this is a kid's show, and there was already more nuance than i expected (which was none) about the decepticons, but I do feel like they didn't make the final leap in logic here. -"Ok not all decepticons are bad, but we still wont stop surveilling and locking some of them up because they chose to do bad with their second chance". Has anyone here heard of the word "REHAB"?? -Megatron is cool. Cool theme, no comments there -Really liked the fight scenes as well, especially the shots of the transformers fighting it out in the background where the camera focuses on the humans running away. It really shows the scale of things. Small detail but the fact that we've got several bots using their inbuilt guns' recoil in fights is really cool! Megatron essentially did a rocket jump. One critique however is that nothing really looked like it had weight. -Also I wished that they kept Karan Croft as the lead antagonist till the end. Like idk, show that this whole oppression thing is systematic in nature. Could have had Dr. Meridian change sides given the fact that he was being put in a similar position to the transformers by the humans in charge (he was also fighting for basic resources to live after his first defeat). -Also this one may be unpopular: It looks like at the end the Terrans get their own symbol/badge. Which I think sorta breaks the whole "the war is over, there's no more sides and factions" things that they keep repeating throughout the show. It just feels like they've created a third faction now, and the continuing dynamic is now autobots vs decepticons vs terrans. Which, no. You're going to replace your war with another.

Overall, good show, 8/10, I think it fumbled the ending. I know im not the target audience here but also its not like kids are stupid.

Also representation matters. The choices of having the lead human characters be a non-white biracial family, having the first nonbinary transformer, having the terrans be allegorical, it may not mean anything to some viewers, but for others it could be the first time someone has actually acknowledged them, has said "I see what you've gone through and I know it to be real and I will take it seriously". The diversity in the show only serves to make it better

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

[futuregws]

Here's my unwanted final opinion on the bear:

Whoever wrote the script or honestly the people that made the show in general actually, they deserve all the fucking awards, it's so well written and what I love the most is the character development in every single character even the smaller ones, it was beautiful, it was refreshing the way they wrote women on this show even though I'm a little confused over Claire and why they thought it was a good idea to include her, I know what people think she was "used" for, but idk if that's actually what they were going for, but anyway other than that all the other women?? Perfect, Natalie and Sydney and the little bond they developed, fucking adorable. This last episode was really good but I was expecting it to end a little less sad and maybe this is just me being way to hopeful (probably) the shit Carmy said to Claire without knowing he was saying it to her at the time was so mean, and that to me just makes it veryyyy clear that he still needs a shit ton of therapy, bc he could totally have dated Claire and still done a brilliant job at the restaurant, I don't love Claire and I've said it before she needed to chill with some stuff but my heart broke a little for her having to hear that, but what REALLY destroyed my heart was that nasty fight between Richie and Carmy they were both so mean to each other but Carmy just reached a level that I don't think we have ever seen his character at before, anyway I started the show not really liking Richie but by the end of season 2 I gotta say I do like him he can really be a sweetheart and he showed that in the last two episodes, and I'm very proud of him not gonna lie, and Tina?? Ugh that woman where she was and where she is now, the character development/growth wow. About the scene of Carmy and his panic attack and people basically ignoring the fact that he was a having a panic attack for shipping purposes (bc that's what it felt like to me) bc you know "he started thinking about Syd and he calmed down" blah blah blah, I saw a gif set of this with someone saying that and I was like, oh interesting, but knowing how shippers in general are I was like, okay but is that the full context?? And no it really wasn't, what they showed was very surface level and people saw the images and were like omg they are in love but completely chose to forget the images before and the context of what day it was, like yeah he calmed down remembering her bc just like Jeremy has said he knows that Syd is there for him, he started this with her and now he's opening it, they both share the same passion and knowledge and they know they can rely on each other so yeah obviously he calmed down I have severe anxiety and I can't tell you the amount of times that at school I would think about people around me that made me feel even a little bit comfortable just so I could calm down and get something done and why was I thinking about those people it's not bc I was in love hell no, it's bc I knew I could trust them in a way and could count on them, if I needed anything they are there I'm not doing it alone, and thats the whole ass point that is being missed and I think is so upsetting honestly. Finishing this show and now having the scene of Carmy stuck in the walk in freezer and basically every way he acted with his feelings towards Claire (which in my opinion weren't that strong but okay) tells me that Carmy does not need a romantic partner that man needs a new therapist and that's what makes sense for his character. Let me try to make this last part short bc it's already huge, Marcus needs to learn how to deal with rejection goddamn why did he have to yell at Syd, anyway I have my own thoughts on Syd's "romantic" life but this is already too long so I'm gonna end it here lol