#but idk... im really confused all the time and trying to keep the whole world in mind while also trying to help out the people in front of

[butch-chastity]

the longer I exist online the more I feel like a lot of people think politics are like. awareness fairs. about awareness.

[the-s1lly-corner]

HI there, hate to bother you but i was wondering if you could do the amazing digital circus head canons for a gn! reader who acts a lot like ena

if you have never heard of it you can check on the ena wiki but i would really love if you did something like this so thanks

TADC x ENA type!GN!reader

typically i would do all the characters in one post, but its starting to get late and tumblr wont let me save half answered asks in my drafts for some reason TToTT so im gonna split the cast in half, if you want the rest of the characters you can send in a second ask so i can remember to do everyone else :0! also my apolocheese for any personality mistakes, i think i watched ena a long time ago but was confused/didnt watch the whole thing so uh uh!! relying on a character wiki for this (on that focuses on season 1 so uh uh, idk if that will impact anything) little bonus bonus incorporating enas color thing into this cuz uh we can say its digital world stuff ooo that gives me an oc idea; oc whos like the mayor from nightmare before christmas who has a spinny head/face thing that relates to their emotions

CAINE:

caines is going to be shorter because hes just your number one fan regardless of your personality, in fact he probably has a silly shirt with your face on it somewhere

will do everything in his power to make sure youre happy and content, and will do everything to cheer you up when you switch over to your sad side

takes you to wherever it is that he 'sleeps' when you get overwhelmed by stuff and keeps you there until both of you are sure that youll be okay and your blues are long gone

you and him easily match energies, sometimes he will even try to one up you with using fancy intricate words

POMNI:

writing pomnis part first but oh funny is it that pomni and ena have the same VA

anyways

absolutely loves you, but she is so so worried about stressing you out and switching to your 'sad form', tries to (often times unsuccessfully) cheer you up

honestly you both need a break, things in the circus are hectic and insane, and considering pomni just got here she is going to need your help to get used to things

not much to be said since i think pomni is another character i struggle to write

JAX:

initially teases you for how fast you switch up, its almost like gangle being more upbeat with her comedy mask and more sad when its broken

tones it down a little when you explain you cant really control it whereas gangles case is just her being more confident with the comedy mask (at least thats my hc)

sometimes give you weird looks when you use an unnecessarily long set of fancy words to describe something mundane

bro is fighting the urge to mimic it

surprisingly does the kind thing, he takes you off to the side when something stresses you out so you can have a minute to compose yourself

RAGATHA:

optimistic sweetheart meets ray of sunshine, you two are an unstoppable force of good and kind of rub off on some of the others

similar to jax when you get stressed out or upset about something, usually when its an in house adventure, she sweeps you to the side and helps calm you down. she probably knows some breathing techniques, i think

ignoring the fact they probably dont need to breathe but thats asides the poin

[joysmercer]

okay I’m so curious about the short fic you posted yesterday

can I ask how in this universe nina dies? And does eddie too?

(it’s mask of anubis on main btw)

ooh fun questions!! i was hoping someone would ask cuz i couldn't figure out how to work it in. also i added way too much info that you didnt ask for so now it's under the cut :D

first of all, this au is a much darker take on how i think nina's life "actually" played out – I think she'll always have random spirits coming up to her etc, but in this au, it's pretty constant and can get very dangerous very quickly. on the flip side, she sees a lot more fame for her "irl" work than she does "in canon" (see below).

somewhat ironically (given how guarded nina becomes from the constant barrage of gods forcing her to do things), she makes her living off of writing movies about her experiences. i think she does this in canon too, but here she really throws herself into it, almost like a form of therapy since there isn't really any professional she can process things with, you know? she eats, sleeps, breathes her craft – whenever she has downtime, she's writing, editing, networking to get her words out there. she's so fast and so talented with it that she graduates university in three years with honors, by which time the chosen one (season 1) has already been picked up by a major company and has started filming; she wins her first oscar two years later, and the next two each year after that.

(actually, all four scripts got picked up at the same time, which is why the turnaround was so quick – but they didn't announce the sequels until after the oscars because at that point she was a relatively unknown person)

(also i know this isn't how these things work irl but just work with me here. maybe she called in a favor from a random god and had things sped along idk)

anyway, the point im trying to make is that she spends her whole life balancing what she wants to do (her work) with what she has to do (paragon shit) and has a weird sense of self-worth as a result (she knows she's good at what she does, but wants to hide it from the world at the same time (out of fear). she hates that she needs others to keep her safe and refuses to believe they're doing it out of kindness, even though she also knows that they genuinely love her. it's weird) (also she and fabian make up sometime during their uni years so all is good there)

anyway, they (amber + KT) set up a rota of all ex-sibuna members (+ willow as she learns about it pretty quickly post-grad) to spend time in the states for a couple months out of the year each. this essentially made sure there was always 1 other person on the mission with her and 2 people nearby who knew where they were going, should things go wrong and they need rescuing or something. but for small/random tasks, nina would just do those alone.

her last mission (that fabian alludes to) had taken months to complete: three formerly-benign ghosts had been "turned" by a magician up in canada, released from the underworld, and, driven mad by the magic (and confusion of being back in the real world), had started a series of freak thunderstorms across the american midwest. together with jerome, she had to figure out how they got released, stop the magician, construct the device necessary to trap the spirits and send them back, and use said device to stop the storms. the effort had completely exhausted her (so much so that she – making headlines – decided to take a step back on touchstone production, instead of hanging out on set like she did for the other three)

(that's why tor is the way it is. with her dropping off of the face of the earth, someone decided – while she couldn't argue against it – to absolutely slash the budget, which lead to a mess of a story (screenplay is the only oscar it wins)

nina's death (as alluded to in the article) really seemed out-of-the-blue. basically, she was on a mission – alone – that suddenly and very unexpectedly turned dangerous. but when she was found (by KT and amber together) it looked like she just collapsed at home – there was no indication of any foul play or anything, really, of how she died.

also alluded to in the article, but a lot (but not all) of KT's "investigative journaling" was her covering up the consequences of nina's missions with theories that would make sense to the general public. nina's last request of her was to halt any investigation into her death prematurely as she knew things would unravel pretty quickly otherwise

joy's role in nina's life was mainly to book her for enough public-facing events/etc so that people wouldn't question where she was when she "disappeared" for a month or two, as well as act as her social media manager/"source close to her" to tabloids during extended absences so people continue to think she's okay. this was especially important given nina's monumental rise to fame (and as a screenplay writer, at that! usually it's the actors/directors who get most of it!) and her relatively young age, which meant she got herself a fandom very quickly…and we all know what the rumor-spreading capabilities of stan twitter are like. there were quite a few times nina came back from a mission to find several "new" pics on her instagram or that shes going viral for something she doesn't "remember" saying lskdjf

amber's role was to media-train the hell out of nina so she never gives any indication that a) there's an element of truth in her work; b) she lives a double life; and c) weird things keep happening in the cities she happens to frequent (eg random buildings falling, artifacts disappearing, etc). we all know this girl can't lie to save her life…amber is nothing but a miracle-worker in that regard lol

as for eddie – his death is basically the reason things are so awful, now. he actually dies at the end of tor, and not only does osiris himself blame nina for it (using "logic" that can rival senkhara's in s2), but it also leaves nina terrified since she no longer has a protector – something all the other gods/spirits quickly take advantage of (threats/blackmail/etc) for the first few years, by which time word of her willingness to do anything spreads and she can't get rid of the constant requests. it doesn't help that his death also proved to them that nina (like her counterpart) can, and will, sacrifice herself to save the world, if it came down to it, making her the perfect pawn in a lot of schemes.

[imeriayapping]

ooh Ukrainian logan sounds SO interesting, and ohmygosh loscar didsliking each other ive never heard of that before but im SO HERE for it give me their enemies to lovers stories and FEM LOSCAR TO GOOD LUCK BABE (ohmygosh is lando going to be like 'the husband' or smth and oscar just thinking abt logan I CANT)

anyways yeah i'd like to hear abt those 3 if u wouldn't mind :)

OFC OFC

I'll start with Ukrainian logan bc there quite a bit to talk about sjdnksnss

I think it's half way just a way to deal with trauma and half way just trying to make people understand bc there isn't a lot of people with experience of living through war and honesty telling it through characters is much easier.

But at the same time i can imagine adding something cute like, logan didn't really need his English being all that good bc it was enough to get by when he started but then he met oscar and he starts making effort to learn just so they could speak or oscar learning words just for him bc Ukrainian is VERY hard language to learn so even with that he appreciates the effort. Or maybe Logan starting to use 'logan' as a name bc everyone butchered his actual name (I'm thinking about левко which would be something like levkyo i guess????)But at the same time there constant pressure when he's in f1 to present Ukraine, to speak up for those almost 500 athletes that never will be able to bc they are killed. On this situation he's not isolated by being from stated but there quite a bit to be isolated by nonetheless.

It would be very interesting to just write about some of my own experience or something i see our athletes that compete international expressing. Also showing our culture a bit would be cool too.

To the next one!

Loscar disliking eachother is not like enemies to lovers it's just reaaaaaaaaaaly long bit. They had some comedically small disagreement and played it up in video or some interview or post, idk. And people didn't catch that it was mostly a joke so they just continued with it, going through ranks never speaking publicly but actually getting even better friends over scheming about it and then they get to f1, their dislike for eachother is quite evident and everyone confused trying to find the reason and someone digs up some old photos(maybe one from the fridge) and everyone is even more confused bc why did they stopped talking and they continue with a bit unstoppably laughing at some crazy theory about it all. In the end they tell the world that it was bc of their disappointment of the right way to eat oreos or something

And the last one!

TOXIC YURI MY BELOVED

this one is of fem loscar that got separated after f3 bc logan (and I'll keep their names as it is) but logan stayed for uni or something similar bc she never wanted to be away from racing but she haven't had a way to get back since. At the same time she watches from the sidelines as oscar makes history for women in motosport with back to back to back wins and she just silently suffers and randomly gets reconnected with lando and they start dating and at first she genuinely believes that she likes him but when she meets oscar again for the first time in few years, second woman to score points in f1, having steady amazing career and also a girl that she shared kisses with in different hotel rooms it all comes crashing down and they have a lot of tention while lando ignores all of it and there a ton of inner conflict for logan throughout whole thing

Something like that :p

[bitchinbarzal]

yk how frank says he likes to separate hockey + the rest of his life and doesn’t like to hang out with his teammates outside of practice and games and stuff??? what if the reader was his gf and the team just. didnt know she existed at all until the game last night bc they have the whole private but not secret thing going on and the team is like ‘??? why didnt you tell us about her’ and frank is just like ‘idk you never asked??’

Other players girlfriends had gone to the game, all wearing matching jackets and interacting with one another.

You weren’t wearing a jacket nor did you know any of them but the ticket Frank had given you was with them. You got a few weird stares before someone spoke to you.

“Hey! I’m Molly, Adam’s girlfriend. Do you know anyone on the team?” She seemed sweet, a smile on her face.

You nodded “Hey, yeah i’m y/n! Um.. frank is my boyfriend”

Her face dropped “you’re kidding me!”

You looked confused “Pardon?”

She put her hand on your arm “oh no honey, nothing bad it’s just I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend! Come sit with us and tell us everything!”

You spent the night getting to know them and answering all of their questions.

When Frank scored you leaped out of your seat and cheered. Someone had grabbed it on video, knowing how much it meant to have these memories and when they text you it you just smiled and said

thanks :) means a lot to have these!

After the game the girls had taken you down to where the boys would be, you’d never been down before usually opting to meet Frank at home.

You spotted him as they filed off the ice, his face lit up and he made his way to you. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you kissed him “I’m so freakin’ proud of you dude!”

“What’re you doing down here? You never come down” he’s smiling through his laboured breathing.

“I made some friends” You feature towards the girls all pointing at you now with their respective other half’s.

“Okay im gonna get changed I’ll be out in a bit”

Frank kisses you one last time and enters the locker room to find everyone staring waiting for him.

“You guys ok?” He asks, putting down his stick and taking off his jersey, trying to hurry back to you.

Truss speaks “You have a girl?”

“I do…” Frank replies, continues to get changed

“And you never told us?!”

“You didn’t ask?” Is all he says.

“Well are you going to invite her out? We’d love to meet her” Nolan asks, captainly voice coming out

He sighs “Listen boys, I appreciate it but she’s my girl and I wanna keep her away from Hockey drama as much as I can so nothing against you or your girlfriends I just wanna keep her safe that way”

They nod, understanding.

“Appreciate the gesture but i wanna keep her my secret for now”

Once he meets you outside you’re still talking to the girls and bid them farewell

“It was lovely meeting you girls!”

“Yeah you too, we’ll need to brunch sometime!”

“For sure”

Half way out of the arena and lodged under his arm Frank turns to you

“Are you really going out with them?”

You shake your head “No, I like them but I like our little world”

“Yeah, me too”

[azsazz]

Will you please please give us your thoughts on Iron Flame?!?!

Fourth Wing/Iron Flame Spoilers below cut!

So...

First off, there was so much world building that I was kind of confused. I just kind of gave up at some point and read it for the characters lol. maybe it's because i didn't re-read fourth wing before.

the names of everything was a little annoying because they were all so unique i spent like two minutes trying to figure out how to pronounce everything. like she has four basic names (liam, sloane, violet, jack) and the rest I'm like ?!?!?!? WHO?

Speaking of Jack...I'm not sure I liked that whole thing. There wasn't any alluding to the fact that he'd be back in the first book, and I feel like he basically appeared out of nowhere in the second. Yes, we knew the healer was helping mend his soul (which is interesting af to me because how many others could they have helped? or is it just because he was a venin?) but the man literally had a fucking mountain dropped on him?! No way he would've survived I'm sorry.

I thought all of the fighting between her and Xaden was kind of annoying...like come on. And we learned so much about xaden but not at all at the same time?! like, now he can read minds, which means violet misinterpreted the sage/venin dreams because I'm assuming they came from xaden now, he was probably projecting them on her subconsciously.

chapter 48 was hot tho, the throne sex stuff, always a banger in my book.

why the hell was everyone keeping so many secrets from violet. like xaden, the dragons, her family...they keep saying how smart she is and stuff but like, that doesn't mean she should have to figure out everyones secrets for themselves?! betrayal.

also, how the fuck does someone become venin? was that explained in the first book or this one because now xaden is somehow one and idk how that happened?!

low-key i'm happy dain and her are getting closer again, but also your childhood's best friend's dad trying to kill you? i feel like that was unwarranted tbh. then he got sent away because of it and i wonder if he's going to make a reappearance.

also, andarna...she was hardly in the damn book. and i didn't think her lines were anything really special. i feel like she's basically only in the book for one specific plot point and the rest she's just off sleeping or with the elders or doing something else so ry doesnt have to write her?

omg the part where nadine said she was violet and that guy immediately snapped her neck was fucking WILD.

and the whole thing with cat was like petty as fuck but her power seems interesting. i enjoyed reading the challenge violet had when she was messing with her emotions.

let's see...i wonder what violet's second signet is going to be. she kept mentioning how well andarna could blend into her surroundings so im wondering if invisibility is one that could happen...or maybe the transportation one that they said hadn't been a thing for a long time. i feel like why mention that if she isn't going to bring that back too.

also, the headers before each chapter scare me. RECOVERED letters from xaden to violet....recovered from where and why whats going to happen 😭

wow, this was a lot of thoughts lol...i also want a bonus chapter from tairn or another dragons pov because i feel like him and sgayl were fighting a lot this book but i want to know what they're saying to each other.

overall, i enjoyed the read and the midnight release experience was so much fun and cute and clever and i def think they should bring those back. maybe for cc3 they'll do that!

[thecoolerliauditore]

im very sleepy but fuck it ummm. quick and dirty jimmy ecosystem breakdown for you specifically @puppyocto this is very sleepy me writing this is wrong

scott: suffers inherently from The Ecosystem by default by being gay. He chooses to embrace this as kind of. his niche, therefore ridding the threat of being ostracized or humiliated for it. Type to get called gay and start flirting back.

However (possibly because of said ecosystem) his view on romance is extremely idealized and fairy tale-esque. He views Jimmy as someone who can "fill the role" of a partner who can give him the happily ever after ending and is frustrated when jimmy fails to live up to his standards.

In Utena terms Scott is a princess waiting for his prince to come rescue him and give him the happiness he desires from being loved. But when he discovers Jimmy is "incapable" he takes on the prince persona for himself and "keeps Jimmy safe" by taking away Jimmy's agency. This frustrates him, but the "prince" role makes him feel capable and Good so he doesn't complain too much and continues to make Jimmy more and more helpless so that their dynamic can continue.

joel: also suffers inherently from The Ecosystem by being gay except he's NOT gay he's definitely NOT gay which is totally the truth and not his defense mechanism. He overperforms masculinity and always emphasizes his relationship with lizzie for totally normal reasons and not because he's living in fear.

He sees Jimmy as almost this danger to him because he's attracted to him. If Jimmy is a princess to Scott then he's a very stupid seductress to Joel, at least at the start. Joel abuses Jimmy for making him feel things for him and tries to push him away, but at the same time can't keep Jimmy too far because he deeply desires the intimacy and non-judgment he can only get from jimmy. He also made a kid with him that one time I don't really know how to interpret what happened there still.

I also do think jimmy and joel do share a genuinely very close platonic bond so that's always there for when they're not caught up in the hell spiral.

fwhip: honestly I don't actually think fwhip is Super Into Jimmy the way Joel and Scott are. I think he feels some? level of resentment towards jimmy for one reason or another since he constantly seeks to punish him in some way (this is especially bad in esmp2) and the "romantic gestures" (see: forcefully kissing him, stalking him, making a serial killer shrine dedicated to him) feel more like they're in line with that than any genuine interest.

I'm willing to believe he is attracted to men and just very confused about it and acting out some of that frustration onto Jimmy I just don't think he's too into Jimmy past using romantic gestures to humiliate/punish and fitting in socially (I've noticed he's usually at his worst when in public, his one on one interactions with Jimmy are usually. fairly chill)

sausage: I don't really know if I can talk about him I actually went on a giant binge once of his videos trying to figure out what he is to me and I couldn't do it. He is definitely interested in Jimmy sexually is all I've gathered definitively.

He's also very. odd about gay relationships if we're talking story. Obviously this is more or less just the CC baiting for fan interactions but a lot of the times he mentions gay relationships are through a frame of humiliation or spectacle. See: him claiming bdubs kissed him during the crossover but also said he "only does that for etho" or when he put on a play in the sos talent show mog hosted where the joke seemed to just be. Joel and Etho's whole thing. And ofc how he treats jimmy just in general.

of course he's. very gay too in this context so idk maybe there's some depth there to be dug up.

grian: honestly kind of a tough one because he exists just on the verge of the ecosystem to me. Homophobic grian is the funniest thing in the world to me but also kinda canon, but homophobic in a very different way compared to Sausage where he doesn't find any humour from it.

Even when he admonished jimmy and joel for kissing in RL his tone is more. "think of the consequences" than anything else.

To me grian is kind of like. a fucked up little animal who protects himself by disengaging with all of it. He refuses to let himself be vulnerable for others and at the same time clings onto those who can give him comfort. I don't think he's really into jimmy though so. shrugs.

I think I'll talk about this more in that essay I'm planning to write but grians someone who bends the rules just enough to protect himself, but still plays the game and believes you can only survive by playing the game. He looks down on jimmy for not being good enough at that (e.g. southlanders) but at the same time is sympathetic towards him.

martyn: oh this bitchass um. also kinda exists on the outskirts of it. like joel he overperforms masculinity but I think it's much less because of insecurity and more because that's what he takes pride in playing the role for (which is also rooted in insecurity but. whatever. sleepy)

he sees himself as a protector/provider more than anything else and gets frustrated when that role is denied from him, such as in third life with jimmy, because when he can't do that he's forced to confront his insecurities and he very much doesn't want to do that. I don't think he's? attracted to jimmy as much as he just wants to keep him safe but. sigmund freud's face flashes in front of my eyes killing me instantly.

[wulvert]

so ive heard that you have more triptrack lore???????? *stares at you intensely, full of platonic love for you and your work* would you like to tell us about it? :D

hello! thank you so much.... some more important lore is probably upcoming pretty soon so i wont spoil that ( if anyone even notices the lore anyway idk )

some stuff i probably wont go into much more than whats already in the comic is reds backstory, i think you can kinda pick up the vibe of whats going on with him, but i can go into it here + some stuff abt the world :) some people picked up on it fine, and some people still seem confused about it, but the uv levels output by the sun in triptrack are too high for human survival without protective measures. i dropped out of highschool and i never went to classes before that anyway, i have no idea how science works. the ozones fucked in some way. i usually call it murder sun. you can wear sunscreen but its a bit risky, and extremely expensive. only really rich people can afford it & you still need to protect your eyes & mouth. masks and gloves r more common. half masks are more of a fashion item but remove some risks associated with sunscreen.

red always wore a mask but someone he was working with (nefarious work) ripped it off to try kill him a while back, you can see a hand print on his face 125 i think, some people assumed its his own handprint but it came from that person holding him down. they were friends, so hes a bit distrustful of people now, understandably i think. It damaged his eyes a lot but he could afford to get them fixed a little bit, he only had the money to do that and nothing else, his skins still kind of actively injured, not healed bc hes never been able to afford healthcare. Red doesnt feel negative about how he looks at all, its the least of his concern- hes in excrutiating pain 24/7, he just wants his facial nerves dealt with & doesnt care about anything else- hes considered getting the handprint tattood to match the rest of his face, but he decided its better to save his money for other stuff. stealing tex will get him enough money for fairly permanent pain relief, after that i imagine he'll just get a new mask & put some less ugly clothes on and leave the whole stealing thing behind, he's very tired. triptrack wouldnt have happened if red had free healthcare.

just to like state outright, tex is a robot, some poeple believed him when he said "im not a robot", sorry i didnt even think abt people thinking he was telling the truth, my bad. shae ( if anyone remembers her its been 60 years ) isnt a robot, though. Terry is the younger brother, he shares a lot of code with tex but ms tarantula built his body, whereas she didn't tex's. tex is a lot stupider than terry because of creative differences at the time of tex's creation i guess. he can get smarter but he's been very sheltered his entire life. Terry doesnt really care about being a robot (he doesnt care about much) but tex appreciated red not knowing at least for a little bit. Shae will probably sue mt. co. if anyone. remembers. that. either. I think for my next comic im going to make whole chapters and upload them in chunks like that so people dont have to read it so slowly.

also not very important but glass city used to be an ocean!

you can see a little bit of water at the corners of this panel, and theres whale skeletons scattered around. also they tried to built a dome around it to keep the uv out but it was a disaster, shards of it also just hang out around the city from that.

also theres not very many people want windows, so all the more space for advertisement hell.

I definitely dont think i've gotten triptracks stuff across very well, but also i kind of like how vague it is. triptrack has a l o t of issues, and i want to go back to it when its done and make a like,.. triptrack dx or something lol. but its my first comic so like.... to be expected i guess.. ive learned a lot from it. paperteeth also has so many issues & i didnt really put much i learned from triptrack into it but thats because it was supposed to be a fun little side project! that i didnt have to think about too hard! then it exploded and ate triptrack for breakfast. rip. ( i am grateful though i just. didnt think that would happen, if i did, i would have tried harder lmao) so. yeah!

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

[charizardstolemynickname]

SEASON 3 BABYYYYYYYYYY (sobbing)

I have started season 3! Here are my thoughts that I am adding to everytime I pause the first episode

SO, everyone appears to still have their powers, well Gus does. But last time Luz was there (Season 1 finale maybe? I forget when) Luz was unable to use the glyphs, which makes sense. No world magic in the Human Universe, but the magic people have magic in their heart thing (??) so, it makes sense they can still do magic

AND I FORGOT GUS IS A HUMAN NERD! He had the whole human club thing at Hexside, and now he gets to witness the magic that is bubble wrap, amazing. ALSO, this is a Gus fanpage, HE HELPED LUZ'S MUM WASH THE DISHES! I love him.

Hunter and Luz bonding over not telling the others things in their secret things. Poor little kids just confused. They don't deserve this.

"Thank you for providing us shelter ma'am" "Please never do that again" HUNTER YOU PRECIOUS CHILD, poor Luz's mum now has like, 6 kids (including Vee) overnight, she is struggling, especially with the magic terms and Belos and Collector story.

AHHH, V IS SO CUTE, THE LITTLE NOTE LEFT WELCOMING LUZ HOME!!!

NEW INTRO IS SO COOL!!! And I never knew the studio that created TOH is called "Lumity Studios" BROOO, the studio just ships Luz and Amity the most huh

THE LUZ AND AMITY PICTURES IN THE INTRO!?! AHHHHH AND THE "HI IM BI" AIUEDNFFLWJKSDL

THE COMING OUT WITH THE HUG AND RAINBOWS AND POWERPOINT!!? I AM GOING INSANE!!!!!!!!!

The human clothes are so great BUT HUNTER DRESSING UP AT FLAPJACK?! Iconic, love the onesie kiddo

NEW V OUTFIT AND APPEARANCE! Iconic. AND THE PRIDE BADGE CAMILLA IS WEARING!? AHSUSHA

Hunter in the mirror freaking out, bless him, I just want to hug and adopt him, WILLOW CUTTING HIS HAIR!! Also Hunter you ain't hiding this crush well YOU ARE BLUSHING EVERYTIME WILLOW IS NEAR

V saving the world one step at a time (teaching Gus how to use the fire extinguisher) as she should

.....They are so bad at cooking, bless them, Luz, Camilla and Vee look traumatised

(I have no idea if this is still the intro, going to be honest, the music is still going though so)

Luz and Amity dancing in the rain (so romantic I will sob) whilst Hunter and Gus are covered in mud and Vee laughs and Willow takes a picture, AHHH My feels. I love them. They are just kids and these scenes remind me of that

......The Hooty, Lilith, Eda and King drawings in Luz's notebook are making me go insane, holy hell, ONE) LUZ IS AN AMAZING DRAWER BUT TWO) DON'T GO MAKING ME MISS THEM, I WILL SOB

(Ah so it was just the intro, I apologise for such big notes on just the intro BUT IT WAS SO COOL!)

...THEY HAVE A VERSION OF DUOLINGO!?! Oh Hooty is going to LOVE this. AND VEE!! Vee is adorable I love her, she has basically perfected a WHOLE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!

Gus' magic thing becoming an earring is also not being unnoticed, I am absolutely seeing it, and going insane over it, and now want it, despite not having my ears pierced, I also want to dress like how he is dressed, god someone tell me where Gus gets his human clothes from, his overall vibes are immaculate

Whatever Flapjack is looking for is also noted, I will keep this in mind, but please magic birdy, don't ruin these floors, they have just done this building back up (/lh)

WHO DREW THAT PICTURE OF HOOTY!? WHY IS IT SO CREEPY

Aww, so it really is Duolingo, with the threats and all!

"I never expected to be a mother of 6!" RIGHT?! Like, Camilla loves these kids with her whole heart I am sure.. BUT THIS POOR WOMAN, she needs a break

...Hunter that jumper is so- ....You know what, beautiful, well done kiddo

Do we think Flapjack isn't trying to find something and instead trying to draw something? Idk, the shapes of the cracks look similar (but that might just be, because they are cracks of the same material with the same material hitting it with the same force) OH NO, Well, I was close, ish (we will pretend), but he was instead trying to get what is underneath the floor? A box? A map?? OOOO, no guys, tell Luz

I love that Luz just has to go to school after it all, I wonder if Vee was going in her place for however long Luz was gone after summer ended. And Luz, pal, please don't cause a scene in your English Lit class, you'll get weird looks... Knew it

FUCKKKK The locker being full of Eda and King drawings and THE KING MODEL, is making me lose my mind, I MISS THEM!!!!!! How did you guys survive!?

"You were right in class, we read about too many crusty old dudes, give me books about crusty old women!" Feminism has peaked ladies, gentlemen and other guests, we cannot improve from this moment on

"I wish I knew how to make demon food for your friends. Would they prefer to drink blood?" Camilla supports demons and vampires, my supportive queen <3

AWW WAIT, Hunter's sewing is getting better!!! WELL DONE!! PROUD OF YOU SWEETIE! And the obsession with wolves? Relatable, I adore them too, we are one of the same, you're right Gus, happy Hunter is new, but we love him!

"Do you miss it?" "I miss knowing who I was supposed to be" Jesus Hunter! No need for such a hard hitting line to be used!

...Gus being obsessed with a book and accidentally hinting to Hunter he knows about the Grimwalker thing, was hilarious. But NOT as hilarious as Gus creating a whole shrine to this book series in a tiny closet in the basement, I love Gus

GOD I ALSO LOVE CAMILA, she is studying so many books and paper and making notes etc to help find something for them to eat I AM GOING INSANE

AND SHE IS DEFENDING LUZ SO MUCH AHHHH, I LOVE CAMILA SO MUCH, I also relate to little Luz, I too was weird and did weird stuff without realising it was weird, god I feel so sorry for Camilla, SHE IS A WONDERFUL PARENT, if I see anyone ever insulting her I will go feral, she is under my protection now, if she has 1 fan, its me, if she has 0, I am dead. SHE EVEN HAS THE SNAKE PJS FRAMED!! AND THE BI LOVE BRACELET! God I am going insane

..Hunter, babes, my pal, that sadly isn't human outfit, that is, fictional story outfit. BUT I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT! AWW Gus and Hunter bonding over being nerds is so sweet, I adore them, but Hunter, sadly the 90s was very wrong, we didn't get cool gadgets BUT we did get tumblr, so... yeahhhh.

"NO NO NO SPOILERSSSS!" Mood Hunter, me and you are trying to avoid spoilers to our new obsession like its the plague

DON'T BLUSH LIKE THAT HUNTER JUST BECAUSE SHE WINKED AT YOU! Fucking simp (/j)

"Even if I am not who I am supposed to be, I like who I am right now" GOD, WHAT HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT HUNTER! NO HARD HITTING LINES ON A MONDAY! There was no reason for that line to be so emotion-inducing

This green stuff is really getting on my nerves, let these kids have a break they already have enough trauma and angst to deal with (/j)

THEY HAVE A STATUE OF PHILIP!?! God damn stupid town.

...Demonic giraffes should have been expected with them banishing them, but hey, they are still cute

VEE YOU BRAVE SOUL, and I will come back to how much I love you in a minute, BUT THE OWNER/EMPLOYEE PERSON HAS NONBINARY FLAG NAILS ON! They are quite cool, love them, Vee clearly loves them too with that blush

MASHA! You have a name AND YOUR PLAQUE THING WITH YOUR NAME ON HAS YOUR PRONOUNS! Love that

"It's like you are reading each other's minds! You must have been friends forever!" GOD, Have I mentioned how much I love Vee? Amazing way to diffuse the tension and such, love her

AWW A SCRAPBOOK! Fuck, that's adorable. ALSO THEY ALL WATCHED DISENCHANTED TOGETHER?! Amazing. Love that they do movie nights. God they are all so cute together god damn it!

I know this searching through the house is meant to be intense, but the hooty and king masks combined with the HOUSE BEING SO BIG, SINCE WHEN IS IT SUCH A LARGE HOUSE AND NOT SOME TINY SHED is making me laugh

Maybe inside the wardrobe is Narnia! ..nevermind it was just a rat

Oh but couldn't Belos actually be there, but in the mirror like Luz and the Collector did? Which is why Hunter saw him there but he isn't actually in the house?

ANYWAY, I have gone through like, half the first episode and I have put a lot of thoughts here, so this is part 1 of s3 episode 1 reaction, will upload the second part when I finish the episode but YEAH, so far, absolutely loving this season, I like that its all blind reactions, I usually see stuff about the shows and that's what makes me watch it, but instead I am truly coming into this not knowing anything, which is fun!

[linxkly]

Another grian liveblog! i really enjoyed the last on i did so here’s another :)

(this ended being really long I’m so sorry)

grians merch! go check it out! I bought one and I’m very excited for it to come

HE DID IT my boy pressed the record button I’m so proud of him

I love the little yell of happiness he did away from the mic after he said that

Hermitopia!!

thank god he’s addressing the whole “grrr im being forced to watch another series thing”

THE HERMITS ON HOLIDAY BUT THE CAR BROKE DOWN OR SOMETHING IS SO PERFECT OH MY GOD

THE STORY THE LORE

the hermits have been busy busy busy

poor grians the leader of all this

return of the grian empire, but he learned how to share and collaborate with others

he’s visiting Katherine!!

aww he didn’t actually interact with her :(

OLI AND HIS LUTE ELYTRA I CANT

oh no the rocket shortage begins

that’s,, a lot of scaffolding

like,,, a lot a lot of scaffolding

but it looks cool from a distance!!

built height empire,,, but they’re all tiny

I like it, picasso

bouncing villagers!

aww noooooo pls don’t crash the empires economy I like their barter and trade system

they’re getting gunpowder from jimmys place

apparently this whole storyline was fabricated just so grian could get on this server and annoy timmy

oh poor impulse has been left behind bc he don’t got no wings

ah. he has taken a stack of jimmys gunpowder. he know owes???? timmy

they’re going to joeys instead now

but before they leave tumble town they’re placing an intelligence test,,, in the form of a button on top of tnt,,, with a sign saying press me,,, in an empire where jimmy and scar are hanging out,,,

oh no

grian feels bad for impulse, and now they’re walking together

grian has found joeys gator villager

he is confused

he has found the pesky bird villager!

THE LAG JOKE

OH NO THE LAG,, JOEYS GUNPOWDER LAGGED INTOHIS INVENTORY

grians elytra broke, oh how the turn tables

impulse left grian

impulse grian and cub are now chatting about the AWFUL LAG ON THE SERVER OH NOOOO

THE RETURN OF TAG??

oh no they’re playing tag on the empires server

LORE VILLAGERS

grian that’s respiration. not unbreaking

LORESICALS??

oh no grian you let the villagers out

AVADAKALORE I CANT

WINGARDIUM LEVILORESA

STUPIFILORE

EXPECTO PALOREM

EXPELLILOREMAS

ALOHOLOREMA

he spent so much time yelling lore spells he forgot which enchant he was trying to get

unbreaking loresome???

these puns are giving me AHA flashbacks

HE GOT UNBREAKING III

kdbdjfjf you can hear impulse underground cheering

I love seeing all the hermits work on the same thing all at once this is incredible

ooh visit to pix

he’s using pix’s machine to age his copper

he gets to press a button!!

poor guy is worried about breaking David

there’s a sheep trying to eat his waffle

oop he’s borrowing fwhips sign style

building timelapse of a hermit induction machine and tag look at him go!

hermitssss stop bringing your lag to other servers!!

GRIAN WHAT WERE THOSE SOUNDS

scar snuck up on him

they’re messing with the lasso jimmy gave scar

I like the idea of the worlds largest bubble

clearly there was a mishap in communication rip scar

ooooh scar becoming the first hermit!

hermitgeddon??

awww he’s little!!!

just a tad smol

“IM A LITTLE BOY WHY AM I A LITTLE BOY”

oh poor fwhip saw things he shouldn’t have

awww little grian!!

they’re bdubs!!

imagine being smaller than a goblin lol

THEYRE SHORT KINGS

all the hermits have been busy busy bees

ok ik it’s shocking they’ve done all of this so fast but I have to keep reminding myself that this is at least 10-13 people working on hermitopia at around the same times ofc it’s going to be pretty quick

but it’s just still so immpressive

it’s cubs turn to be hermitified

THE JANGLER HAT??

hermits vs empires tag oooh

go watch grians vid for the full tag explanation, bc if I’m completely honest, I don’t really get it

grian is a hermit irl??

episode ends with grian laughing about his irl height rip

and that’s a wrap! these are so much fun to make :)

Idk how often I’ll do these but I might do them for sausage bc he uploads at normal times for me it’s nearly 3am I might pass out after uploading this lmao

[awoken-artist]

Honestly respect more people should have fun with their fma ocs. It's like people forget fma is a fantasy world and people can't do more magical things with their ocs

Fucking. Agree. 100%. Also its worse when the people who were nit picking my oc were idk “well known” in the community on DeviantArt [unsure how it is on other platforms but I can care less.]

I got so nit picked on my FMA OC so many times its ridiculous. Plus the fact they kept shoving reality scientific shit into a fantasy world of FMA. Like, dude I get it alchemy exist but shoving reality bullshit into the fantasy world is down right just an excuse to put someone down because “its not realistic enough” or whatever. 

I had someone nit pick a FMA OC named Keilay [who I am still working on cause shes part of my ocs ancestory or at least apart of her moms side of the familys culture ancestor ruler.] and they just went “weh thats not even fricken possible” and try to make excuses and I just stare “humunculi shouldnt even exist period let alone chimeras if you wanna shove reality in my face of “ThIs CaNt HaPpEn”. Because part of my FMA Story [which im working on both 2003 version and brotherhood] theres going to be a scene where they end up running into the phantom of her and Ed being skeptic and my oc points out about other things that shouldnt even be possible to exist [chimeras or at least humunculi being a huge one]

Another OC they nit picked on was my oc Katherine and one of the people went “why she have violet eye color is she a humunculous wtf? if not then she shouldnt really be having that”. something along the lines. jokes on them I researched eye colors and Lilac is a ACTUAL eye color and I wanted to give this OC a unique rare eye color. I found it so stupid for the nit picking.

It got worse when someone decided to pull the “racist” card by calling me racist when I was thinking of changing things a bit slightly on another FMA OC of mine - Thanos. I changed his name from Nike to Thanos, I figured he be half xingese and ishvallen and yet i got called racist for it which- confused the shit out of me. like if something i said came off as such uh yeah please point it out???? but all i said was Im thinking of making him xingese and ishvallen cause I think it make sense for him cause I want to keep the fact he has red eyes so he got that genetic from his parents. 

honestly the whole nit pick and getting on my ass was stupid. I even had someone being stupidly bitchy at me on my super old works. like as if its “brand new art” when its not. the date was even ON THE FRICKEN DA PAGE OF THE DEVIANTATION OF COURSE ITS OLD. 

I just figured these people dont like new ocs or dont like particular ocs even if its a self insert kind and theyre very hostile about it. at least to the artists who came at me which out of all the fandoms , this one came at me for no reason over time. I dont give a shit if they are jealous or want to be an ass to me for no reason cause god forbid i paired a oc with edward elric. I never went at anyone for their ocs being paired with ed and anyone else thats my favorite characters, because it does make me happy my fav characters are getting some love at least.  I think everyone should not be so judgemental and hostile to anyone who makes FMA OCs especially when they pair their ocs with any of the canon characters. everyones allowed to have fun. so long as no one is gatekeeping and going “YOU CANT PAIR YOUR OC WITH THIS CHARACTER THEIR MINE IM MARRIED TO THEM YOU ARE MAKING THEM CHEAT” kind of deal. 

also anyone who tries pulling the “realism” bullshit into FMA really need to get their heads out of their butts and understand this is still a fantasy world. theres alot of things to EXPLORE. alot of things left UNKNOWN as long as you understand how the fma world works and get an idea from reading the manga even the shows [2003 and/or brotherhood] you can get very creative. i think we all should help everyone out and know your allowed to have fun with your oc and dont let people pull you down. 

I almost thought about quitting fma entirely but no i love my fma pairings, i can care absolute less on what anyone thinks about my pairing. Ive paired them for years and I have ideas and plans. 

I dont mind getting suggestions or maybe some ideas for story wise or ocs. I even so were all allowed to have fun. just have fun! we should all unite and just have fun together instead of putting people down. nit picking doesnt help. de-constructive critiscm never helps. making fun and putting people down on old works to make them feel like shit NEVER helps. 

we should help eachother up not put people down. let people have fun with their fma ocs damn it! >:U

im not letting people get me down and make me quit. neither should anyone having possible similar issues. 

[paladinwife]

💕 i remember reading a fic that you wrote for a video game a while ago ?? idk if it was dead by daylight but i think it was the one with yun-jin. im curious :3

It was Dead By Daylight, yes! And as I know you just saw I just did one for DBD Mira, but since you mentioned Yun-Jin I might as well take the chance to elaborate on their dynamic.

As I mentioned in the last post, Yun-Jin is the first person Mira finds in the fog. Rather than the kind of budding camaraderie you might see with my friends’ self insert origins or even the canon interactions along these lines, Yun-Jin isn’t thrilled to see Mira and sees her as a bit of a liability. I think Mira was too confused at that point to be offended.

But this, of course, leads in to the major conflict between them. Yun-Jin is described repeatedly in game as self interested; to her, it’s a mentality that helped her survive in what she sees as a cold and uncaring world. Even her perks reflect this, with her sometimes benefitting from other survivors getting injured. So, sometimes she’s less likely to stick her neck out when other survivors are in danger. Mira takes issue with this, not because she herself expects rescuing, but she pretty firmly believes that the survivors all need each other to escape and no one has room to be selfish. I wrote about one, but I think this has probably led to more than one spat between them.

Part of Yun-Jin’s mentality is the belief that no one else would do something to help her for purely selfless reasons, and especially not if it would risk them to do it. She gets some pushback on this when Mira, despite their differences, does risk her life to rescue her from certain death. For one, she has to cope with the struggle of reconsidering her whole life mentality and realizing she may have been wrong. For another, she develops a huge, huge, embarrassing crush on Mira as a result. At first she would rather literally die than have her know, but also she struggles with burying her feelings. So, ultimately, she does try to make a move.

So now they’re dating! Thing is, Yun-Jin has casually dated (men and women both, because I say so), but she’s never had anything this serious. I think she really has a struggle between absolutely craving affection and intimacy and being absolutely terrified of emotional vulnerability. She also has plenty of trauma to deal with - which Mira can at least recognize because she’s seen many of those same things in herself. Mira is persistently pretty gentle and patient, though, which I think helps Yun-Jin a lot.

Anyhow! A specific example that was inspired from some headcanons I saw once, and I think is pretty representative of their dynamic. Yun-Jin is not comfortable really sleeping alone in the Fog and does not like that she wouldn’t be able to keep herself safe - not to mention her persistent issues with insomnia. But she also does not trust any survivor aside from Mira to watch over her; so, she always chooses to rest with her. At First her idea - or at least, what she convinced herself was her idea - was just to have Mira keep an eye on her and make sure she’s safe. But ultimately, every single time, her affection starved side wins out and they end up either cuddling up together or with Yun-Jin laying her head on Mira’s lap. Having Mira there does also soothe her, and the feelings of being safe help with her sleeping issues somewhat.

[sshewolfiona]

I really need some support right now!!

#follow me if you are willing to accept me for me and please tell me I'm not the only one that's confused about their gender identity these days ?

⛈️✨I'm at a low place in my life and I'm very much letting my depression get the best of me!🪐⛈️🪐⛈️🦕💕

I almost feel like I have no good reason to carry on anymore and that I should do everyone a fkn favor and off myself😓😥😟😖. I'm just gonna come out of the closet on here to basically whole world but I know not many will see my story; they will scroll by ... I know, I get it😢nobody ever had the time for me before in this life time so why now would I actually have even one person that is willing to listen and actually help me through my silent struggle... Suffering in silence is killing me that's why ... 💜⚡I'm here today to ...be able to say

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

🌈Coming out of the closet today🌈 everyone!! 😮❣️I can't keep my sweet silent lies down deep.. I'm here and I'm queer get used to it .🤐 Not really but listen if you'd like to hear my sexual identity crisis ..

I just have had one fck of a time on this Earth and finally at this age , oh my, 😮⚡⚡🌈 I find myself looking to LGBTQ hashtags and forums for answers on what's exactly wrong with me!!

Long story short : I knew there were many things about my inner world and the way I experienced it that made me very different from everyone.... And I have just found the words ; asexual 🌈💚 and aromantic so yes. I am Ace-Aro very very aro ... Sex repulsed aro ... And that's not all ... Actually I today, found that I have to admit I'm non-binary too. I've been ashamed and had found this part of my life, my sexual life, was very deeply embarassing and had not quite fit society standards and now I'm finally relieved a great deal that there are words for all that I'm going through and ii don't have to feel so weird about dating anymore I'll just be straight up about my sexual identity and preferences ........ For now tho. I have been seeing a dude that is heterosexual so this straight male is my partner. We are best friends.. and we have our own sex ONLY WHEN IM COMFORTABLE AND REALLY WANTING TO !!!! It's special occasion for sex to happen.. he has been molested as a child so he always understood how sex can be touchy and he NEVER pressured me. I feel like he could be not totally but on the spectrum of aromatic.... Idk .. we are good together so far.. but there is much more for us to move on from like personal past issues. We both need therapy for abuse and sexual abuse and before we deal with that then we will try bs support each other ... We are so shy and painfully awkward when it comes to gender roles or out own roles in the relationship like he's such a very sensitive man he really gets hurt by my just experience.. at first when I came out as asexual to him he said " so you don't find me attractive?? Why don't you find me attractive? What can I do to turn you on and make my appearance more attractive?!" And I was really for the first-time being faced with the real issue that actually " I don't find anyone attractive" so I hunted online for the solution. I felt broken and wanted a cure.

Lol

But it turns out I was born this way and iit is not a mental illness ...

I did go to the doctor tho....

I'm autistic .. diagnosed autism is scary ! It's a huge label. But it also makes me angry that all these years they diagnose Me this change it to that and I never got anywhere in any of the definition of bipolar and scizo such whatever the problem is is that ok I took so many meds I never needed and for years were not designed for my chemical imbalance which I never had turns out !!

Wow 😲 so much going on

🌈🌈So I found my true identity! Sexual identity,🌈😎😎🌈💚🖤 can I just be accepted and loved by some members of the #Witchcraft community or the LGBTQ community please at least LIKE. My post. And comment anybody wanna be my friend ?? I'm lonely lonely so lonely all on my only and I need someone to relate to other than these cis people !!!

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

I'm also confused now mhmm

I mean... i'm still very indecisive about how I personally want to view the human mind, its consciousness, and realities... especially in regards to manifestation and reality shifting.

I must say i don't know that much about the writings of those people you mentioned. i'm currently reading neville goddard's books. English isn't my mother tongue. So, the archaic english parts REALLY confuse me sometimes but his way of interpreting the bible is really interesting.

Before getting into law of assumption and reality shifting, I was generally into spirituality and witchcraft. I even had a huge tumblr blog for tarot readings lol... yk through channeling my spirit guides and 'predicting' things so to say. Though, my way of viewing myself and the world I'm in changed a lot over the past view years.

But it's kinda like wanting to set puzzle pieces together but there are puzzles pieces from different pictures and some fit together (physically) that are not really meant to be together (image-wise) iykwim? And later on, you find out that some parts were wrongly put together so you have to revise it (your beliefs) and start again from zero... it's a difficult and really confusing journey imo.

And as i'm not really able to grasp the concept of this reality yet and what role my consciousness in all this plays, it's also really difficult to decide what role other people's souls and 'soulmates' play in this.

Oftentimes, I just want to simplify everything for me just because it all seems so overwhelmingly complicated. (Thats also why i wrote a very vague explanation in that soulmates ask - i tried to keep it simple.) Which reminds of what neville goddard keeps mentioning that humans always try to analyse everything even the simplest things and therefore always end up with complicated 'conclusions' which in turn makes them stray afar from the (very simple) quintessence. (idk if that made sense now lol)

I know this whole rant was probably completely useless to you, it just shows my confusion... sorry once again my mind is very scatterbrained and i don't know where im going with all those thoughts most of the time :')

Anyways, I still have plans to shift to a (what I like to call) 'spirit cafe dr' which is just a dr in a 'otherworldly' caféshop setting where I can talk with my spirit guides and other entities. And I plan to ask them about all this (and more)/to learn from them. I don't know when I will do it, probably not anytime soon because i'm busy with university but I definitely need answers lol

Btw have you already shifted to your jesus dr?

[thanks for this ask!]

and don't apologise for the rant! while i won't claim to understand everything that you've said, i do think you make a point with goddard's belief of analyses. i myself fall subject to that 😭😭

sometimes, we want to understand the world so much—and it's as if each change needs to be predicted, just so we fulfill our desire for knowing. i think that's where your experience with your worldview shifting and my habit of theorising fall under. as you've mentioned, the journey is a puzzle, and in some cases, the pieces never always fit together as expected. we both want to know what would be of us, and why; we want to know when, where, and how it would happen.

my best guess is that it's merely human nature at play. certainty isn't always guaranteed, as can be depicted by the presence of change itself. so, we try to make solutions for a problem that should have been left alone. I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but the processes we take make it our lives harder than we need to. call it a lapse in judgement, if you will.

I'm not as versed with the concept of spirit guides nor do i always try to seek them out, but i do know they're very significant to everyone's journeys. that's mostly a matter of opinion, but don't let it stop you. i hope you get the answers that you seek!

and don't be shy about the rant! it's refreshing to see someone else's thoughts on the matter, actually. it usually takes me some time to respond, but i love long-winded discussions.

as for my jesus DR, not yet, because it's not that urgent for me as of the moment. I'm currently focused on my fame DR. but i do hope to shift (or mini-shift) to my jesus DR at least once this year, on or before christmas [just to celebrate it in time lmao].

[soft4gguk]

um im not even gonna apologize for the things im about to say to lucy and her trying to give advice lol

because how come she has the audacity to tell oc to grow up and speak directly to JK when SHE;

1) gave up her body

2) gave up her free time to mingle with his stupid ass friends

3) watch over his damn child bc that child’s parents are to incompetent to do it (i said what i said idc)

4) has never complained once when HE made her a dirty secret

like excuse the fuck me? what more else should she say at this point that this freaking idiot who‘s apparently oh so good with his company and has a whole child can grasp the situation he not only puts his kid in and his friends but also oc? like be so fr right now i need lucy to shut the hell up and tell that shit to jungkook’s face if she has the balls to act like she can give advice. oc did some pretty naive things yes but so what? she never ever did evil shit like jungkook so why should she feel the need to chase after a mf that couldn’t even keep up his promise when he went to her home and „apologized“? nah im so mad i would’ve slapped lucy so hard not even jimin could’ve helped her. what she could’ve said was that oc should take a step back and be more cold towards him and LET HIM crawl towards her, miss her and see that he CAN‘T take anyone for granted just because HE HAS A DAMN CHILD. that’s not an excuse there’s women/men out there who are all on their own with no money how come they can do it and never use that excuse but somehow a rich mf that divorced his wife not 3 months ago thinks the world is ending like please fuck off

im not trying to bash your characters but Lucy really tried it with me today 🙄 I still love your story regardless of her stupid advice and jk‘s stupid mistakes 😝🤍 #TeamY/N

hiii <33 im not gonna lie to you bestie, reading this ask raised my heartbeat a little, got my blood pumping if u will lol. tbh it's so very flattering as a writer to have people be so passionate about your story and so im so very grateful for that but also im just a girl 😩😩 lmaoooo. you shouldn't apologise! but also I feel like there's a couple of things to clear up so let's run through them 🤠

I don't know what you mean with give up her body? but I'm assuming you mean like, she has sex with jk? and to that I will say that I don't necessarily find it to be like that? I mean yeah, figuratively speaking but they very much have consensual sex that she not only wants but initiates a lot of the times!! the issue of them getting stuck in this vicious cycle of maybe having sex even when she's holding so much inside... I guess all I can say about that is that it happens? 😭 sex can blurs many emotional lines and I feel like its part of... life? idk. but I promise you she's not giving her body up for anyone!!

2. I wouldn't call them stupid 😭 they're actually really nice people! and they're really nice towards her, as well. def don't just see her as the nanny, or at least I've tried to really make sure that I make that clear in my writing! also... the past couple of chapters have been very concentrated in her little heartbreak but in past chapters u can see how she like... goes out and does stuff with her friends and for herself? and also sometimes the story does revolve around them so that's what I mostly write!!

3. this one was a bit... harsh? she looks after soori because it's literally her job. she also really likes her job. and she really likes soori. she loves her, dare I say!! also... jungkook is a really good dad and I also make sure to really make an emphasis on that with my writing! also i feel like you're confused because you say "parents" when technically she only has one parent... but I'll touch more on that in a second!

4. I get what he did when mai and tae came to his house that day was wrong... but also, they are in a relationship that is basically one big conflict of interest. also... they'd just started dating. and he'd just been through something pretty traumatising that his friends had to sort of navigate as well. so even though the execution was very off, I think the term dirty little secret is a bit off as well. very off, actually.

so... ira and jungkook didn't get divorced, actually! she left them... sort of quite literally vanished on them because she didn't want to be a mom anymore. jk actually did a very brave thing and pulled himself together for soori, even putting his own heartbreak aside just so he could be a good parent for her and giving her the emotional support she needed. and yes, im not justifying whatever he's been doing these past couple of chapters but also... I think at the beginning of his relationship with oc he did tell her he still had a lot of healing to do. and that they had to take it slow. did the lines get blurred? yes. but that was very much on both of them, not just her or him individually.

as for Lucy, you're totally allowed to feel any which way about any of my characters but my intention with the advice she gave oc was sort of... to bring perspective into the situation? she does have a point in the sense that oc never spoke to jk about any of what she was feeling, and that she (oc!) deserved to speak her voice and at least try. I liked Lucy being the one delivering this advice because she's a hopeless romantic, a big softie that's like... super in love rn and in a cute and healthy relationship, and I don't believe everything has to be about pride and making people suffer and miss you until they're crawling back to you (that's just my opinion). I actually feel like that would do more harm than good... all things considered!

with all this being said, thank you for reading! I'm glad you've been enjoying so far and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. they're always welcomed! and I hope I could clear some things out for you. sending love <33