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defyances · 3 years

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𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀

( where yugen is so incredibly obsessed with this woman that she decides to rant about her )

on: her followers

to start us off, we’ll discuss the main event of irelia’s performance: her relationship with blossoming blade. they are very close with each other, and it can be interpreted as platonic or romantic. i only say this because they establish their relationship as teacher/student, a platonic/familial bond that can be as powerful as a romantic one. but i also digress, given the affectionate remarks they give each other such as:

irelia: i wish i could give you silks, but i must give you steel. blossoming blade: stay by my side. i cannot ask for more.

irelia: ionians into formation! blossoming blade: i’d follow you to the black heart of noxus itself.

&& there is so much more. blossoming blade is not confident in her ability to fight, much like irelia && her lack of confidence in her ability to lead, which might explain why irelia has some sort of connection to her. she sees her as a mirror of herself, and much like she needed at one point, blossoming blade needs someone to support her. so, she will give that plus much more. lastly, irelia’s reaction upon blossoming blade’s death; it is simply undeniable that they love each other.

i am a bit bothered by the lack of interactions between irelia && zinneia since it is implied that zinneia is her former mentor:

irelia: zinneia, you are a master at your craft. zinneia: and fate has sent you to give my craft purpose.

irelia: as a child, i watched you dance at the placidium every spring. zinneia: it was your bravery that brought me to the fight.

i was hoping to have more information on their relationship && the sort of impact zinneia had on irelia, but at the same time, it gives me the opportunity to fill in the gaps! given zinneia’s interactions with the rest of irelia’s followers, she is an elder ( we will not talk about how that isn’t reflected in her card art ) who leads the dance program at the placidium. while irelia’s o’ma taught her how to dance, zinneia perfected it with her lessons, and she became the mother/grandmother figure in her life once all her family members passed away. it assures me that irelia did have a support system ( even if a part of her might disagree. ) i will do a more thorough ( * headcanon based ) look at their relationship in another post.

when irelia said she is a warm && caring person, she really meant it. she cares a great deal for her followers as shown:

coastal defender: generations tended this land. i cannot leave. irelia: we must retreat for now, but i promise we’ll return.

ribbon dancer: stand behind me! they won’t hurt you. irelia: if they hurt you, i’d never forgive myself.

fighting for your freedom is important, yes but not so recklessly. if a battle isn’t turning out in their favor, irelia would rather retreat and keep her followers safe rather than dying in vain. her tone is mother-like, always worrying for them even though they are confident and determined to protect their home, and at their deaths, she is torn apart. she is both grateful ( ‘ your sacrifice mattered ’ ) && heartbroken ( ‘ so young . . . ’ ), which is why i emphasize her hesitance to believe in herself as a leader. she is responsible for their lives and for each that falls, she fails. she cannot fail them ( something she says herself upon the death of her card ); her people deserve to live to see the day of bittersweet victory.

on: noxus

as expected, irelia harbors a lot of hate towards them, and rightfully so. however, what i want to talk about is riot confirming my assumption on how deep this hate runs.

imperial demolitionist: for the empire. irelia: so young, already so wicked.

imperial demolitionist: remember the objectives. irelia: ‘murder the innocent’ and ‘destroy their homes’?

for those who don’t know, imperial demolitionist is a child. irelia is speaking to a child and not in a tone you would expect an adult would talk to a child ( especially one who was brainwashed to commit awful atrocities. ) this confirmed my headcanon of irelia’s white && black mentality: no matter who you are or how you came to be, if you are noxian, she will kill you. she will refuse to see you as anything but a tyrant, and she will continue to allow this hate to fester and dehumanize noxus as a whole. she won’t even refer to them by name! she has her reasons, given how much they have taken away from her, but it doesn’t make it right. as we all know, noxus has slaves, ranging from adult to children, and will send them to war whether they volunteered or not. they have to act in order to survive, but irelia can’t see that they’re trying to live; she sees them trying to kill her home, so in turn, she’ll kill them. && that is a flaw i will cover more on in another post.

even though the faith in herself wavers, the passion to protect ionia doesn’t with how confident she talks back to the noxians. she threatens them, promises to kill them, even when faced with their technology and their machinery. she has that much faith in her people and the land, and it’s admirable. no wonder why people follow her.

on: shurima

i never expected interactions between irelia and the shurimans ( especially with azir and nasus ), but it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless! azir && irelia are two fierce leaders, fighting tooth and nail to secure the safety of their homes; however, the difference between their idea of leading is evident within their interactions.

azir: a leader must see victory beyond each loss. irelia: my heart weeps for every fallen ally.

azir: war is an instrument that can make or destroy its leaders. irelia: instruments create beauty; war ends it.

from my perspective, azir isn’t so affected by the loss of lives in the war like irelia is ( it could be because he’s become desensitized after leading for so long or he truly doesn’t care ), and i could be wrong as i am not so familiar with azir. but with irelia, it is obvious that she is very sensitive towards the death of her people. whether they were close to her or not, as far as she knows, they were innocent souls, and they were dragged into this war unprepared. so many lives lost, so many deaths unjustified — it is simply unfair to her people, who have done nothing wrong. && no matter how many times she’s seen a body belonging to the first lands, it never hurts any less. she’s been able to mask that pain over the years she’s grown, but she still grieves, and it can be seen/heard whenever someone very close to her dies.

another difference i like to point out between the two leaders is their viewpoints on war: azir sees war almost like survival of the fittest. in the second quote, war is a way to create leaders, the best of the best while irelia sees it as destroying the beauty of life. war is a massacre, no matter which side wins, && even though she also strives for victory, she will only remember it as the day that peace died.

nasus: sorrow weighs upon you, but death could bring you peace. irelia: not yet, curator. i am far from done.

this made me snort because it’s basically nasus telling irelia, “k’ing yourself would make you feel better,” but i’m sure it isn’t meant to sound that way. rather, he understands her grief && how badly it is affecting her, so he is “testing” her will to see how strong it really is. if she had the opportunity, would she die && end her suffering there, or would she continue to preserve despite the agony she holds in her heart? irelia answers almost incredulously; if she dies now, ends her suffering now, who will lead her people to victory? certainly not anyone she knows/trusts. so, she cannot die. she will not die, not until she knows that her home is safe. ( this plays a bit into my headcanon that irelia doesn’t really fear death since she anticipates the day of reuniting with her family && ending her torment. )

there isn’t much to say about her interactions with the soothsayer && the voice of the risen other than she’s grateful for their aid in these trying times.

on: miscellaneous champs

lastly, i’ll be touching upon her interactions with in-game characters — which, suffice to say, isn’t a whole lot. it’s a bit disappointing. i expected more interactions with shen, karma, riven, and zed; i expected interactions with yasuo, yone, and lulu ( who is apparently in ionia?? ) but unfortunately, we weren’t given that. but i won’t say i’m heavily disappointed either because we did get some interactions with ionian && noxian champs plus extra.

shen: the balance requires a watchful eye. irelia: ionia needs brave hearts and able hands, too.

much like akali, irelia does not believe in waiting around && letting the land fight on its own. she even questions shen’s philosophy because of the slaughter that happened, which makes me theorize her faith in the spirit; clearly, she still believes in it but not so deeply like shen and the elders.

karma: ionia speaks through me. irelia: then tell me when this bloody fight will end?

she even questions the spirit of ionia itself, in a tone that is tired and desperate to end this terror. she is a lot nicer to karma in lor than lol, which confirms my suspicion that while irelia was initially frustrated with karma’s ( lack of ) action, she has come to understand her reasoning through the years that they’ve worked together.

zed: pledge yourself to the shadows. irelia: noxian tyranny has already forged our bond.

riven: [ dies ] irelia: irredeemable.

isn’t it crazy how irelia would rather side with the “evil” shadow master rather than the former noxian? of course, zed isn’t all bad, and riven isn’t all good, but it just further proves how she doesn’t treat noxians as humans at all; however, i would also like to point out her interaction with riven is if she’s against her. irelia would perhaps give her a chance if her quote in-game with her proves anything: “you want redemption? join me, and kill your masters!”

&& i’m still flabbergasted by her interaction with zed. she might not entirely agree with him, but she’ll work with him without hesitance. after all, they do share the philosophy of killing all noxians.

irelia: join us, prince jarvan. dance by our side. jarvan: i’m afraid i was born with two left feet. it’s a lightshield thing…

jarvan: noxus will pay for what they did to your people. irelia: yes, demacian prince. we will see to that.

so not only does she have shurima’s support but also demacia’s! a bit shocking since demacia is antimage and irelia is technically a mage, but i am glad to see that she and jarvan are on good terms.

irelia: my family...h-have you seen them? kindred: drifting between innocence and consequence.

STOP!! astra and i literally discussed this: if irelia was given the chance to talk to kindred, she would most certainly ask for her family && question why she was spared. of course, kindred would answer ominously, which in this interaction, makes me curious. between innocence and consequence? what do they mean? is her family stuck in limbo? are they currently being judged based on irelia’s actions in life? or are they waiting for irelia to join them? perhaps we’ll never know.

#˗ˏˋ⠀ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧. ›› the day you died，you did not tell your body.#/ wow this is the most i've written for a character ever #/ three hours n i was just rambling nonsense at the end sfjdhsb

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tlbodine · 3 years

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Things That Do (And Don’t) Sell Books (in my experience)

I’ve just finished reading this book:

I am both amused and a bit disheartened to have read the whole thing and discovered that I knew pretty much everything in it. Amused, because I guess I’ve picked up a lot of knowledge over the years. Disheartened, because it clearly has not led to me becoming the break-away success I always dreamed of. Ah well. Live and learn.

I’m all about transparency in this business, so I wanted to talk honestly for a while about book marketing and what I’ve experienced in terms of what does and does not seem to work. I’d love to hear your thoughts, so chime in with your own experiences!

Branding and Audience

The first third of Burke’s book is dedicated to this aspect, and it’s an important marketing step that’s easy to overlook. The idea is basically that you can’t market a product unless it has a brand identity. To create your brand, you need to do the following:

Identify the audience who you are trying to reach with your work, or who would be most receptive to what you’re writing

Identify your dreams and goals so you have a clear picture in mind of what you want to accomplish

Figure out how to position yourself in such a way that you a.) stand out from the competition but b.) people can still relate to and understand at a glance

Find a way to communicate your brand consistently in terms of the language used, your aesthetic, the way you act online, and so forth.

When it comes to brand-building as an author, I think I’ve got a bit of a corner nailed down. I at least hope to be perceived as someone level-headed, thoughtful, generally positive/empathetic and humanist, but also critical and looking deeper into the meanings of things -- all of which are traits I personally possess and which are baked in to the work I do. In support of that branding, I curate my activity online as best I can: I post things that are of a certain horror aesthetic that I feel overlaps with my own interests/style; I give writing advice and boost people in the community where I can; I wade into discourse selectively and thoughtfully; I give media reviews and analysis that I think would be interesting to like-minded people.

The “identify the audience” part is much harder for me. I’m still honestly not sure who my ideal reader is, or where exactly to go to find my audience. At this point I’m kind of scattering crumbs of myself out into the wind and hoping it will attract people who will, in turn, be interested in the work that I do (and both willing and able to support it financially).

Things I’ve Done With Varying Degrees of Success:

Aforementioned blogging activities. I have slowly but steadily grown my following her on tumblr and other social media sites as well as my author newsletter on substack, but it’s not clear to what extent that following translates into book sales. My writing advice posts vastly out-perform all of my other content, but I haven’t seen compelling evidence that the people interested in my writing advice are especially interested in my fiction -- it seems to be two separate groups, with maybe a sliver of overlap.

Content marketing with more short fiction. This seems like it should be the safest, surest way to find more readers, but it’s time-consuming and discouraging because of the discoverability cycle. My horror flash fiction posts don’t get nearly as many notes as my advice posts. My attempts to get into the big anthologies that pop up have so far amounted to little, although I do need to write more. It’s just that coming up with new ideas and writing them all the time is a lot of work, and if it’s not paying off maybe I’m still better off dedicating that work to my novels.

Sending ARCs to book bloggers/reviewers/booktube etc. I sent out dozens, if not hundreds, of these and got next to no response. I do think part of the problem is that, at the time, I had no Twitter presence, and -- like it or not -- there seems to be a bit of cliqueishness to this aspect of the book world. Now that I’ve spent more time on Twitter ingratiating myself with the horror community, I suspect I’ll have a somewhat easier job securing blurbs and reviews at least from the people in my extended social circle. But I won’t know until I try it again. *I also know I would have greater success with this if I’d been sending paperback ARCs instead of digital. I didn’t, because the cost of buying more author copies + shipping was prohibitive.

Author Newsletter. I maintain mine in conjunction with my Patreon account. I send a monthly news round-up, making a point of shouting out both industry news and the milestones/achievements of others in the community as well as providing what I hope to be value-added or interesting content (in the form of blog posts my patrons vote on). It does OK. I average a couple of new sign-ups per month this way and tend to hover around a 25% open rate, which isn’t terrible. But it’s not great, either, and I won’t know for sure whether any of those opens will actually yield sales at any point.

Interpersonal relationships/community building. Hands down the most successful “marketing” thing I’ve ever done is make friends with people. My writing discord group is small but very close-knit and interacting with them is one of the genuine highlights of my day. I didn’t really make it with mercenary intentions of selling books, but it has directly resulted in sales. Similarly, there are a handful of authors from Twitter and Wattpad that I’ve developed genuine friendships with, and we buy each other’s books and support one another. This whole community aspect is extremely rewarding and I’d do it whether or not it sold books, but it’s also not exactly easy to scale. I can only maintain genuine friendships with so many people.

Posting in reading groups. The books that allow self-promo are so saturated with it that nobody pays any attention. The good groups do not allow self-promo, unless it’s in the form of getting down in the comments and recommending a book on a per-person basis to people looking for a specific thing, and only then if you’re not being spammy. Again, this is time-consuming. You could spend your entire life in these groups, hand-selling books to these people, and maybe picking up a few sales. They do seem like a good place to identify trends, though, so they’re good for market research if not direct selling.

Things I Have Not Done, But Which I Suspect Would Sell Books

Paid promotions. The golden ticket for book sales still seems to be landing a BookBub promo. If you’re unfamiliar, this is where you price your book at 99 cents or free and then pay bookbub to include it in their deals newsletter. Bookbub is very popular and moves a lot of copies. Ideally, you want to set it up so that your cheap book is the first in a series, and people snap that up and then come back to read the rest. This requires you to have written a series. Also bookbub is expensive because these are premium ads. We’re talking hundreds of dollars for one ad. There are other book promos that are cheaper but don’t have the same buy-through rate.

Ads on facebook/amazon. I’m only dimly familiar with the ins and outs of these ads. They can be relatively cheap, but the amount of visibility they have is tied to your budget -- so the more you can spend on a campaign, the better your performance will be.

Calling bookstores/libraries and asking them to order. I should do this. I have not done this purely because I am a coward.

I am not certain what more I can do to promote my books without spending money.

I understand the “spend money to make money” concept, but I also understand the “I have a limited budget and cannot spend it willy nilly on things that still might not actually pay off, especially considering how expensive self-publishing is when you want to do it right.”

...This post ended up in a much more bitter place than I meant for it to. Sorry. I’ll check in if I remember additional points that could be successful strategies.

#writing #publishing #writing advice #publishing advice #writeblr #long post

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oldearthcartography · 4 years

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Writing diverse characters should probably start with listening to/reading/interacting with diverse perspectives

So I was thinking about it because of the ask I got yesterday and I thought I’d offer a general piece of advice for anyone who wants to start/ get better at writing characters from groups that they don’t belong to. With the disclaimer that I’m a white fairly privileged person and I’m nowhere near an expert in writing or any of this, just someone who cares a lot and tries to learn and read and grow and help where she can.

I think Tumblr often over-emphasizes the “stay in your lane and find someone of that group to ask” step. I want to be clear that this is absolutely an important thing to do! But I feel like it shouldn’t be the first or only step to take. If only because jumping directly to asking someone puts a lot of burden of basic education on the person you are asking and usually comes with trying to make them answer big, unfocused questions like “how do I do it right?” when there isn’t really a specific way to answer that because there isn’t one way any more than there’s one way to be a person. Or questions that to them are going to feel very repetitive 101 that you could have answered by doing some basic reading work on your own first.

My recommendation as to how to actually get started (and honestly recommendations that stand regardless of whether you want to be a writer or not) is:

1) Seek out and read/watch/listen to a whole bunch of writing/media BY people from diverse backgrounds and especially from groups you would like to include in your own work! Especially if you are a writer/aspiring writer I recommend a mix of non-fiction (from history to current affairs) and non-fiction honestly. But really just do it with anything you enjoy reading (I lean heavily fictionward myself but also I’m not trying to be a writer so I can indulge without worrying about it being part of developing a craft). It’s honestly one of the best ways to both support the creative work of marginalized groups, find some really hecking fantastic writing that does things you weren’t expecting and that doesn’t get half as much attention as it should, but also to absorb the many ways people present their own stories and start to learn about their perspectives in their own words as they have chosen to share them!

2) On your social media etc. deliberately seek out and follow people from diverse and marginalized groups! Especially in this case follow and read even if things they say sometimes make you uncomfortable (not in a danger way, to be clear, see the aside in italics below) but don’t engage out of defensiveness about that discomfort, sit with it and figure it out without putting it on them. Follow many different people if you can because they will all have different perspectives and all be great in different ways which is exactly the point when you diversify the voices you are listening to and what too many people who write cardboard cutouts don’t do! If you don’t know anyone or interact with or read the perspective of anyone from the group you are trying to portray you’re far more likely to cardboard stereotype without even realising it! The internet is great because even if you live somewhere where interacting with diverse perspectives is difficult, physical boundaries kinda matter way less here!

(An aside: I always harp on about curating your feed and online experience and I strongly believe you should, but curation for a good online experience doesn’t always mean avoiding ALL discomfort especially the kind that is actually beneficial for learning and growing as a person. Learning how to differentiate the non-harmful discomfort from defensiveness born of privilege or even the discomfort of encountering differing strongly/held perspectives where neither party is necessarily exactly wrong/right and neither causing /advocating actual harm vs. the harmful discomfort from crossing of your boundaries and/or just not a pleasant experience with not enough benefit and/or actively harmful to your mental health is an important skill to learn and nurture)

Just remember whether in the real world or the internet barging into a space and making a fuss because you want to “research” is a really rude and kinda asshole thing to do. Do this because diversifying your world and your acquaintances and perspectives is fun and enlightening and great and you can meet and learn from some really great people you might otherwise have never encountered. Remember that you are inviting yourself into someone else’s space until (and crucially if) you actually develop a rapport with them. Don’t stomp in expecting them to make space for you any more than you would if someone came into yours being like, “I don’t know any/enough [group you belong to] so you should welcome me!”. The nice thing about the internet is you can see what people say and listen/read very easily/ unobtrusively and ask small questions/interact in small ways as invited by the medium and its voluntarily/expected public nature without essentially invading and if you overstep people can block you (and if they do or ask you to leave, let them and move on and think about why they might have without making it their problem).

3) Seek out resources specifically for writers where diverse voices are consulted and offered on exactly how to approach things like this! Here’s a link to the episodes of the podcast Writing Excuses tagged as part of their ongoing series about approaching writing “outside of your culture or personal experience” with an excellent selection of guests.

It’s really easy to dive into and get some basic ideas because each episode is only 15 minutes long, not enough to get a deep dive but a place to start!

https://writingexcuses.com/tag/writing-the-other/

4) When you do move on to actually consulting directly with people from marginalized groups be more specific and focused in what you are asking, don’t expect them to hold your hand the whole way through or dictate or to know everything or be an authority on everything! (Also, crucially, go in willing to hear and accept “no” - whether that’s to your initial request, to things you really hoped to include, to stopping the consult at any point, or anything else.)

Also, if you have actually done steps 1-3 you probably already have some grounding and a place to start that isn’t pure 101 ignorance, you’ll likely already have a whole bunch more knowledge of where to look for resources and probably made acquaintances/friends more willing to help because you actually already have a rapport! (when it comes to being agreeing to help with things like this the comfort of knowing you are doing this for someone who has proven themselves in the past to not be a defensive privileged jerk and being reasonably sure they’re actually willing to listen/put in effort of their own can not be overstated)

You’ll also be much more able to focus your questions, requiring less time and work and burden on the person you are asking and they won’t be as worried about brushing up against defensiveness of the discomfort people often get when first being confronted with the specific issues around their marginalization and thus have way less emotional work to shoulder/juggle too and it might be/feel more like a conversation than a feeling of obligatory (and sometimes dangerous feeling) work!

#I'm not an expert #but like #as someone who is very introverted hermit #I feel like making sure you are already listening and seeking out the information that's already available #and getting yourself educated at least to a basic level #before seeking out a specific advice giver #and putting the least amount of burden on their time and energy and emotional state #is just basic courtesy and part of not letting your privilege mean that you are putting the burden of the basic work you can do on #your own on the #people just trying to live their lives #consults are important and too many pieces of media skip ALL these steps including the consults #but they aren't the only thing people should be doing or the thing they should rely on for basic info #diversity #writing #advice #also just be willing to admit you are wrong or ignorant #like we all are #and be open to learning and listening to perspectives that differ from yourse #and those you are used to #long post

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beaumesadieu · 3 years

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Creative Problem Solving Methods Interviews

Name: AM

Industry: Associate Branded Content Editor at Who What Wear (4 years of experience in the digital media industry)

Summary:

As an editor, it’s AM’s job to keep an eye out for the latest fashion and media trends. Almost all of her writing is done for specific fashion clients so she usually has to take their direction and transform that in a way that meets their criteria and echoes WWW voice.

It’s so important for her to know what's popular to the WWW audience so she often gets inspired by her very own readers. “Instagram is such a huge hub for inspiration because there is such a huge variety of people, shoppers, and readers all in one app. My coworkers also inspire my writing and point of view so much. They’re seasoned writers with such compelling approaches to storytelling so I always look to their pieces as sources of inspiration.”

2) What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?

This is typically a seasonal issue that she faces as an editor, but oftentimes clients will ask for stories surrounding the same exact theme which puts her in a creative rut. For example, a major theme this fall has been denim and she has had to write eight stories about denim while making them all sound completely different to avoid contradiction within her writing or competition on the Who What Wear website. When this happens, she turns to the branded content team for advice because a second or third perspective is always helpful when brainstorming. She also reads other publications to get an idea of what is being talked about in the industry at the moment. She says it could even be as simple as scrolling on Instagram and reading the comments on major denim brands to find that one distinguishing factor. “Usually, these techniques work well either alone or all together when overcoming a creative rut like the one I mentioned!”

3) What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation)

Problem-solving is an important part of her role as an editor because there are several teams and shared responsibilities that allow one single story to be published on the website. She’ll receive a request from the client services team to create headlines for a story focused on particular products or themes. Once a headline is approved by the client, she has full control of how the story looks and sounds. “I read the latest articles on the site to get my creative juices flowing and then I build out the story including priority products and key phrases. Because I’m not in direct communication with the client, it takes a bit longer for me to receive approval or links which can affect the intended timeline. When I can sense this happening, I turn to a coworker for assistance.” If they cannot help, she then takes it upon herself to make adjustments to the schedule. She makes sure she communicates with everyone involved to make sure that she’s not creating more problems as she attempts to solve the current ones. “Whether I’m in the inspiration or implementation phase, I truly value collaboration. Of course, I can solve problems on my own but I find that my solutions are more effective when I can get the experts involved.”

Name: JB

Industry: Business Consultant at Protiviti

Summary:

1) How do you generate ideas? How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?

JB generates ideas in several ways depending on the situation. She believes the primary mediums that inspire her or help her in creating a solution to a problem are through her network, research, and spiritual methods such as praying and journaling. She described even simple issues such as finding an outfit she will draw inspiration from others such as Pinterest. Professionally, she believes her process is the same way concerning her project-based assignments in which collaboration from her network/team is crucial.

2) What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?

The obstacles she faces would be fear in sharing new ideas and thinking it may not be good enough. In her role, it requires a lot of brainstorming and ideation in order to improve business processes for international clients. Questions that sometimes rack her mind are is this idea already taken, is it innovative enough, will it be feasible to implement in the given time frame. Also, timing and a lack of resources are impending obstacles in her day-to-day operations. In order to overcome these obstacles, she believes in stepping back and taking a break while also asking for help.

3) What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation)

Lastly, JB described her process as such:

Awareness of Problem

Assess

Identify the audience

Brainstorming/Information Gathering

Research

Design Thinking

Prioritize

Simplify simplify

Plan of action

Feedback

Repeat

Name: KD

Industry: Freelance Designer, Curator, and Musician

Summary:

1) How do you generate ideas? How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?

KD draws inspiration through sensory experience such as her daydreams, touch, and thoughts in her head. Through actively engaging herself in these day to day sensual activities she grows more in tune with the art she feels led to bring to life. For example artists such as Beyoncé and Lauryn Hill show her the power of storytelling and how the effective use of art, music, design and talent can create something magical. By studying the artists she loves, she is constantly learning and leaving inspired. She also finds herself inspired when she steps outside of her comfort zone and delves into differing stylistic expressions. This process helps her push back her normal creative parameters and issues her to create something fresh and new each time but still staying true to unique style and self.

2) What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?

Personal: when designing she gets caught up in the technicalities. Her desired vision is not coming to life on the screen.

Difficulty 2: classification naming in her industry. Harder to access and figure out where go

Team-Based:

Working with others when normally she has to work on her own, it sometimes gets hard trying to ensure the different designs and aesthetics can come together to create something even better than what the team tmshined. Hard to fuse the differ viewpoints

She has learned to overcome them by reaching out to her network in the design field. She finds this most helpful and helps her quicker than google would.

3) What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation)

Personal: KD first begins to write it down and talk through it as she is a visual processer. She tends to have so many concepts / ideas and never wants to forget so she writes every detail no matter how minute it may seem. Next, she steps away from the actual problem or idea right at the beginning and then she assessed what her prior idea was and now has a better perspective to tweak it. A fresh mind.

Key Takeaways & Final Thoughts:

After speaking with JB, AM, and KD about their processes, collaboration and teamwork are a huge factor in their success. I was interested in how JD incorporates a lot of design thinking and how frequently she has to work with others in her workspace. In my work, I spend a lot of time individually solving problems, which has led me to not really interact with others. Some of the things that stood out to me were AM’s processes and verbiage she used during the interview. Although we work in similar industries she focuses more on copy and editing while I focus on design construction and design concepts. It was cool to see how we connected but also the parts that differentiate us. KD’s rices was pretty interesting because she immediately steps away from the problem as soon as she writes an idea down. She would rather step away in the very beginning then come back and grind. I found it cool because normally people step away once they are stuck, age steps way right before she gets stuck. All three rely on sensual experiences, but some rely on spirituality/intrinsic motivations vs research/ public opinion. All these conversations were valuable as it gave me insight on the secret sauce that has helped my friends be successful in their careers and learn how to tweak my own problem solving processes.

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coplins · 4 years

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(1/3) Thanks for responding. I totally see the queerbaiting/kill your gays criticism - it's clear from Misha's comments after the fact that he really thought he was doing something supportive and didn't get how it was the opposite. I wasn't upset with ignoring Eileen because that whole plot was so badly written, and I didn't mind blurry wife because that was a story they'd never have time to tell, so leaving it to be your choice of wife/co-parent (Jared's words) worked for me.

(2/3) I don't see Dean's lack of reciprocation as a problem because Jensen and the showrunners have continuously said that is not their intent in writing/acting that character, so anything folks read into it is subtext. Again, Misha thought it would be better rep than it was. It was a bad call. John isn't canonically a child abuser, just a lousy parent. Both Dean and Sam have done so many crappy things as well that honestly, they shouldn't be there by that metric either. 3/4) But I don't think the finale (awkwardly written as it was) cancels out their character development at all. They are different people - back at the starting point, but not the men they were when they started. Dean is emotionally open; he's dropped acting tough and can talk about his emotions. He can be alone and be okay. Sam is no longer afraid of his blood or turning into John; he can be a good dad. I wish we'd seen Jack and Cas, or heard them at least wish them well, even just a prayer. (4/4) But even though that was crappy to leave out, I don't think it negates the show or the characters. 19 added Cas and Jack's names to the table, and I can be happy with that as the final episode. I was prepared to pretend it didn't exist before it even aired. I AM really glad you're anti-harassment. The shit that even folks like Kripke have been getting on their pages has made me so sad. Dabb posted something about baboons and folks even thought it was about them, not his new show! (Also, sorry to dump like a huge text thing in your inbox. It's totally fine that we disagree on things. I've just seen so many crazy things like people blaming Jared and saying the episode was an ad for Walker and to boycott Walker - a ton of Jared hate in general, really. Or saying Jensen "Destiel Isn't Real" Ackles is secretly a heller who's been viciously silenced by the powers that be for years. And now Misha's getting dogpiled for trying to interact and understand how he fucked up.)

It's fine, Nonnie. :)

Okay, so, just to make one thing clear. If you enjoyed the finale, then I think it's great. For everyone who didn't get their joy sucked out of them, that's awesome! I got to see the Wincest side of my Tumblr dash go apeshit from happiness and I'm happy for them. I've since had to unfollow some of those blogs when they turned bitter and hateful towards those of us who didn't like the ending. I curate my Tumblr (internet in general) experience to avoid seeing hate thrown at ships, actors, characters, fans, or people in general. I unfollow people if they post too much toxic stuff no matter if they're Destiel shippers, angel fans, or whatever part of fandom they're in.

I try not to reblog too much angry/bitter crap either. There are a lot of posts on my dash that I wholeheartedly agree with but don't belong on my blog. And I've written my share of wank and rants over the years but seldom hit post because I don't want to ruin someone else's positivity. When I do hit post I tag it "spn wank" so it can be avoided. If I need to angry-rant I do so in chat. Sometimes I mess up. There are undoubtedly some less than nice posts in the Buckleming wank category on my blog.

Generally speaking, my M.O. is disengaging and/or vote with my wallet. I will never condone cyberbullying. No matter how famous the person, or how nasty they are, harassment isn't okay. Actions have consequences and I try to think of what they are before I act. If I vent hurtful opinions about an actor, it'll be kept in chat, with someone who understands that particular frustration. (Not related to the current situation.)

When it comes to canon, it doesn't matter what showrunners or actors tell us about how it's meant to be interpreted or how they meant to act it. Canon is what's shown on screen, period. As curious as I am about what the actors have to say about things, it isn't important regarding canon at all. I'll stan my boys no matter what their characters get up to on-screen. <3

Yeah, I've seen the theories and the dogpiling. Luckily, I've avoided seeing the Jared hate but I knew it would be there because the internet is a cesspool of people lashing out aimlessly or misdirecting their anger. Even IF they wrote the finale in a way that they thought would put a spotlight on Jared's upcoming series, HE was nowhere near a position of power to make that decision and should be left out of it. I just figured, if it was true that that's what they thought, then the Wincest bunch was their target audience for the new show. *shrug*

Interesting to hear your take on the finale. If I follow people who have your take, they're not vocal about it, or I'm simply missing it because I don't stalk Tumblr. All it takes for me to stop scrolling and go back to my writing is 3 unknown anime posts in a row or one reader-insert fic and I'm nope-ing the hell out of here. X)

I'm not going to argue against any of your points. It's great that you saw it that way. Fuck, I wish I did too.

I kinda feel like I need to address the child abuse comment I made, though. Some separate neglect and abuse like those aren't the same, some only count physical abuse, others include verbal abuse. Too many of my loved ones (both close friends and family) have experienced all three of those categories and the one who was left alone to care for her little sister as a child, definitely has a lot of mental scarring from it, so I'm counting neglect as abuse. That said, I fucking love John Winchester. So it might be Jeffrey Dean Morgan's charisma, so sue me. But John canonically neglected the hell out of his sons. We got proof of that even in this season when John drops his son off for days in a town where kids have gone missing recently. So, yeah... But, on the other hand, of course both he and Mary should end up in Heaven. Like, that wasn't even a question.

I think my strong reaction against it was how every part of the found family the Winchesters had gathered over the years was erased from the narrative as soon as Dean died. The only one who is shown as important is Bobby, a found-family member that initially was connected with John, not someone the brothers had found and connected with on their own. Bobby is also the only non-Winchester in the photos Sam has over his bed when he's dying. I don't know, man, "Everyone's here," simply doesn't do it for me.

"Family ends with blood" like the finale implied, only works if the greatest monsters in life haven't been family members, and my best friends (twins) growing up, just like my mother, were abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by parents. I've seen the aftermath of those hellfires, how long it takes to assemble the fractures of your being and become, if not whole, at least functional and happy. For them, it was the friends they made along the way, those who loved them when they couldn't, who really mattered.

And that was one thing I really loved about SPN (and still do). Team Free Will. Wayward Sisters. All the people that they met along the way and connected with. I've loved to see Sam and Dean develop their bond by taking it from unhealthy, destructive co-dependency to step by step with several setbacks become their own individuals with lives outside of each other, yet still having the strong bond full of brotherly feels where the love they had for each other was rooted in respect for each other's differences and not who they "were supposed to be for each other". And unlike you, I can't see anything but regression in how the finale played out.

Okay, I gotta stop talking now. ^^ I have one scene my betas told me I need to rewrite in my next chapter, and another chapter half done, and I'm itching to post so I need to get on with it.

I hope I didn't put too much of a dampener on your enjoyment of the finale. My opinions don't matter. We all come from different life experiences and therefore find different things compelling and important. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. <3

*Hugs*

#anonymous #spn finale #supernatural

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twistedapple · 4 years

Text

Bianca Bosconero - Snow White stayed in the wild (part 2)

The second part is here and will contain the Bosconero twins’ background from Bianca’s point of view. I’m honestly tempted to say that her general profile is an overview and this post is more relevant in regard to the sort of person she is, how she evolved and where she personally is at the time of Yuu’s arrival. It’ll certainly provide more in-depth informations than her profile (though I’ll try to keep it at a reasonable length for an easier read - and because I have a good amount of things to cover).

Links to Bianca’s profile and the twins’ overview post (which has been swallowed by goddamn Tumblr so if that site could stop bullying us #twisted wonderland users, that’d be great thx). Now I’m taking a short break before doing a post regarding her magic and her sister’s full profile and backstory. I’m also considering rewriting a part of Bianca’s backstory from another character’s point of view as well (you’ll understand when you’ll read this post)...

Without further ado...

On a cold winter morning, a woman pricked her finger while spindling. As a drop of blood fell on the floor, she found herself wishing for a girl with hair dark as night, skin white as snow and lips red as blood to the honored ancestor of the family, commonly known as the Green Man rather than an actual name. Nobody really knows who - or what - the Green Man really is, but through the Bosconero family he provided a lineage strong with sorcerers and alchemists, and sometimes his passed down powers would surge in a family member as an uncommon magical ability. Because of the Green Man’s ties to the land and the seasons, it was common in the family to develop magical abilities tied to earthen powers - and it didn’t spare the current generation when, nine months later, on a foggy first day of November, twin girls made their entrance to the world right on time for the yearly Autumn celebrations customary to the Valley of Thorns, when it was said the Green Man would end a cycle of life for it to start anew in the following months.

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- Bianca, Neve, you did an excellent work with that charm.

- Beauty and talent, with those, you will be able to properly carry the name of our house! Now try again, to make sure you have mastered it.

- Yes mother, father...

- No! How are you supposed to represent us if you cannot repeat such a simple task?

- Failure is not an option with our name on the line.

- Sorry, mother, father...

- We will try again.

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While there was a widely known reputation for the inhabitants of the Valley of Thorns to remain fairly isolated, partly due to the fear their overlords, House Draconia, would inspire, it didn’t mean none of them were socially active. The Bosconero household was a prime example of it, with a historically strong tie to the magical community as a whole, as well as a fairly large social network that would cover both the Valley and other places. One of the most well-known figure of the family was the great sorceress Margherita Bosconero who, during her time at the head of the Magic Council, had pushed revolutionary reforms regarding the regulations and teachings of magic. She was also the one who had taught Crimilde Bosconero everything she knew and in turn, Crimilde was determined to raise her daughters to a level fitting their rank - and possibly reach new heights as well.

As such, Bianca and Neve’s chilhood was filled with a variety of lessons and acitivities to meet familial expectations at every level. They were taught everything there was to know about etiquette, learned about history, science and literature in order to develop their ability to discuss about anything with anyone, They learned about the importance of an impeccable presentation - the first impression always mattered, after all -, which involved many details, such as a proper posture, a sensible sense of fashion, the many ways one could use their body language to convey or hide thoughts and feelings. They were taught about all the proper activities a lady was expected to master, such as spinning wool, creating embroideries, weaving delicate patterns, singing and playing instruments beautifully, writing and drawing with an elegant precision.

And then, there was the study of magic. If Crimilde was generally strict in the way her daughters were being educated, she was exceptionally so when it came to that side of their lessons. The family had a reputation and the two girls had to uphold it in the best way possible. Adding to that was the pressure to see if one of them hopefully had the family’s Gift - not having it was not an issue in itself, however it was deemed an incredibly valuable element for the sake of added prestige. For that reason, Crimilde would show a worryingly increasing degree of ruthlessness while overseeing the education of her daughters over time. The girls would be praised when they executed their exercises in a satisfactory manner, and put down when a failure happened. They would be subtly pitted against each other, in the hope this competition would push them to go further in their study.

Then, the Gift showed itself during a lesson of defensive magic, revealing at the same time Bianca’s unique magic. Twisted branches appeared from the ground and envelopped Bianca, its long thorns piercing her clothes and skin in many places. Then pitch black started writhing and Bianca has no recollection of what happened next. She woke up two days later, bandages here and there and an elated Crimilde by her side. The Gift had sprung up again, and in a spectacular manner! As a proof of its power, Bianca had entered a state of overblot - which had been swiftly stopped by Crimilde. From this point onward, Bianca became the center of attention of the family and had to meet even higher expectations.

It’s around this time that the sisters were introduced to social life in the magical world, participating in various gatherings, meeting people from various regions of the world and discovering new places as well. After all, one of the strong points regarding the Bosconero family’s standing was their ability to curate their network and generally be part of the socialites. And there was no better publicity than the announcement of the Gift surging yet again. Yet, a dissonance started growing. Promised child only when success was met, promised child only when smiling to other people was required. Again and again, to appease her mother she started taking it out on herself and unconsciously compromised her own sense of self everytime. Worst of all, she was on her own, the entire situation having caused a rift to grow between her and Neve, who was left behind in her shadow the whole time.

However, the situation went in the opposite direction when it came to light that Bianca, for all of her abilities and best efforts, had an issue that was deemed unsolvable. Contrary to her sister’s not-as-impressive magical powers, yet steady growth, her own was irregular and more and more punctuated with times off magic to reduce a blotting that happened faster than it should have. A point was reached, during which Crimilde simply expressed her immeasurable disappointment by deeming Bianca as defectuous, and then proceeded to report all the attention to Neve instead, certain that she was the one who should have had the Gift instead. Then, everything became incredibly obvious, and Bianca started realising with horror the dissonance she’d been putting herself through in order to keep going.

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- Neve... Neve!

-... It’s the middle of the night, go away!

- We need to talk.

- Wha-... Now?

- Yes, it’s the only moment when we’re left alone.

- What do you want?

-... Are you ok with that entire situation we’re in?

----------

Bianca tossed, again and again. Every night, for days, she tossed in her bed as she was carefully pondering her situation and the action she should take to get out of it - to save herself.

Lately, she’d been having this oppressive feeling, something writhing and screaming deep inside. She’d been feeling wary too - a peculiar feeling considering how young she still was by the Valley’s standards. Getting up with the knowledge that it was yet another day during which she’d have to become her parents’ adorable and quiet girl was heavy. Getting up with the knowledge that another surge, another mistake, would lead to the reminder that her sister was doing much better than her despite her lacking the gift bestowed by the Green Man. Yet she had to tolerate it, for the love of her parents, the love of her sister, and the necessity for the family to appear united.

Yet as time passed, it was making her sick. She felt like a monkey repeating tricks for whoever would lie their eyes on her. But she had to give a good impression, right? And uphold the status of her family, both in the Valley and in the magical world, right? It was her duty as the newest generation of Bosconero, after all... And she didn’t want any of it any more. This made her feel like a spoiled child, and the guilt born from it only served to make everything feel even worse. The worst part was when her family would participate in social gatherings, unknowingly having her observe other people the same way she’d observe her parents; direct interactions meant a work of reading the situation at various levels: what was said, what was meant... And what remained hidden. Over time, Bianca’s attention to details had been honed to the point she was able to swiftly adjust to any reaction just so she could obtain the safest result. This very situation had also led her to bury herself.

Again and again.

Bury herself, always deeper, to just choke and decay in an abandoned corner of her mind. After all, her very being felt unwanted. Yet, she had recently realised there was still a door to open when she noticed a tight knot in her chest at the view of a son and his father, during a social gathering like all the ones before. Until that pang, she thought she’d grown accustomed to that fleeting feeling of longing she’d occasionally have; it seems she had misjudged herself, though. And since then, the thought of a flight across the night sky, on her broom and with a simple luggage for companion kept following her. It’d be foolish to think someone would come for her, if she wanted to get her life under control, she had to do it herself. And she did it, after having heavily pondered on her situation, after having tried to convince her twin sister to come with her - to no avail, Neve was completely bound to the family and deluding herself as her own mean of survival.

So Bianca took off on her own one night, to fly as far as she could, disappear for a while and settle somewhere peaceful.

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- Back when we met, you talked about motivations, but there’s one you never told me.

- Do you want the straight-to-the-point version or the flowery one?

- Whichever expresses best what you had in mind back then.

- Alright. Then I’ll have you know, kings and princes become much less scary when you consider they sit on their ass the same way everybody else does. It’s easier to treat them as actual persons when one perceives titles as overrated.

-... Straight to the point, indeed. I’d almost be offended.

- That’s why I kept it to myself~ ♪

----------

The knowledge of fauna and flora imparted by her parents revealed itself useful for Bianca’s survival in the wild. At that point, she simply didn’t feel like dealing with more people, and wouldn’t risk it either - she had her own trail to clean up after in the first place, showing herself would be a liability for the time being. So she took the decision of going on a personal quest instead, momentarily abandoning all sort of connection to focus on herself instead. For the first time in her life, she had the possibility to do so and was in bad need of self-examination as well. Observing other people and comparing various situations to her own had made her realise something was off, and not just about her situation. Her very person had been moulded in a manner that would be sure to please other people, to do so she had sacrificed her will, thoughts and feelings again and again, until she found herself choking from self-loathing and incomprehension. She needed to find herself again, figure out where this Bianca had been buried. There was simply no room for others at that point in her life.

That is how her life in the wild started. As she went on a personal quest to find herself, she wandered left and right across the Valley, most of the times lost in her own clouds. It... Was not the greatest moment of her life. A lot of poison to swallow, truths to realise and accept, and then her own magic surging and occasionally going out of control - as if it was reacting to her own struggle and taking out what had been internalised for so long. Fear, anger, slackness, euphoria, giddiness... All of these feelings either shut down by Bianca or unwanted by her parents would feed her summonings and twist the world around her. Parts of the Valley where she dwelt for a time ended up gaining a fairly dark reputation over time, while she was giving herself time to work things out. It was writhing inside and out, and worst of all was the guilt of her incapacity to get her sister out of here as well. Of having left her behind and alone. It’s a period of her life where time somehow lost its meaning, distorted by her constant fights against herself for the sake of mastery. It’s ugly, dirty, foggy, and she remains elusive about it, merely sharing her surprising experience with general survival - both physical and mental. The most important lesson of these dark times is, however, a surprising yet massively important one for Bianca: she learned not only to fight, but to let go as well as years of poison built up in her heart was being absorbed and transformed into something new.

Once she got back on her feet, with a stronger foundation, the second step of her plan started. As she decided to keep using her knowledge in botanic, Bianca decided to pass for a wise woman, the sort that lives isolated in the forest and that people go seek in secret to relieve all sorts of ailments. She changed her name to Hilda and kept wandering around, even though she opted to dwell in the same place for a longer period of time. The look of a maiden and the wisdom of a crone, as well as her elusive nature, gave birth to some strange stories that would feed the local folklore. A young woman stealing people’s soul, an old woman protecting the hearth, a dreadful witch leading a charge across the sky and the thick forests of the Valley of Thorns... It’s when they met, too.

Under blue moon, she saw him, as she approached guided by Idle, her slythering summon which was acting as her watchful eyes that night. Hidden at first, Bianca silently skirted around the tall, horned man while keeping an eye on him. They had never met before, yet she was aware of how he looked because of who he was - as such, Malleus Draconia’s silhouette was unmistakeable and it had her worried. Her personal situation had nothing legal to it and getting caught would lead to troubles that could easily reach further the family circle. However, he seemed very much alone and was inspecting the area without showing any sign of alert - on the contrary, he was the one who put her in that state when he called out while giving a long look at his surroundings.

- This place isn’t abandoned anymore, there are traces of magic... Show yourself!

Bianca only had a few seconds to ponder on her decision. She could stay safe and hidden, and figure out how to keep him at bay. She could also comply to not push his patience - her luck - and maybe reduce the gravity of her situation by showing some good will. Either way, the risk was to make the situation worse and more political. So she took a deep breath to regain her composure and opted for the course of action she knew best, for she had been practicing it long enough to hone it: smile and stay light-hearted, gauge the situation in silence.

- Now that’s a visit I certainly never saw coming. Not even a guard?

Glowing green eyes fell on her as she came out of her hiding spot, cheeky half-smile plastered on her face. It felt pretty rude of her to conceal her intentions to the Crown Prince himself, but old habits die hard and she needed to see where she stood before making her next move. Though, having grown accustomed to dealing with a human population, she considered the fearsome reputation the Draconia household had while observing Malleus back. Why was he here, alone, in the middle of the night? There were these questions, and the fact that for everything the reputation stated about him, Malleus Draconia didn’t exactly feel like a terrifying being. If anything, he seemed oddly out of place, in Bianca’s opinion. Besides, nothing would be as anxiety inducing as her parents, in her eyes.

- Wasn’t this place supposed to be abandoned? It was, last time I strolled around.

- ... Strolled around? Well, I settled in fairly recently, was even planning to rearrange a part of the garden to grow some stuff for myself... Look, is there a part of the area you’d rather have me leave untouched? I don’t really care, I’m pretty much passing by anyway, and I’m all alone so I don’t need much room.

Initially taken aback by his reply, Bianca was quick to get back on her feet and react in a decisive manner to try and distract from the fact she wasn’t even supposed to roam around and settle the way she’d been doing in the first place. In turn, Malleus’ composed expression changed to surprise as she stated her proposition. Then surprise left place to something more thoughtful, before settling for a visibly amused smile.

- Negociating? Do you realise who you are talking to?

- ... Oh yes, I do, but my motivations for this negociation are better left for when we’re more hm acquainted with each other. So, is it a good enough reason for you to still feel comfortable hanging around?

Under blue moon, they kept meeting up and grew to enjoy each other’s company. His strong interest for gargoyles amused her, but her own interest for anything historical made their escapades to the four corners of the Valley of Thorns all the more pleasant. As habits begun to settle, they learned to read each other and it slowly downed on Bianca that she was growing attached to Malleus and everything that made him who he was. She simply couldn’t help noting the smallest details and appreciating each of them. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, how accidentally stern and teacher-like he would feel when sharing his hobby in the most serious fashion, his pout revealing more of his feelings than he could hide... And then there were heavier topics, chief of them his sense of isolation. Granted, Bianca wasn’t the best person in that regard since she was enjoying being on her own for the moment. Still, she understood the feeling and its implications, and didn’t judge his occasional discreet awkwardness - translated into a rather forward way of expressing himself, to the point of being odd and somehow backed by a logic only people who lacked proper social interactions would demonstrate.

In return, she made an effort to be more open in the way she expressed her thoughts and feelings. It wasn’t easy since hiding and using them as strategic cards had been ingrained in her - it was, in fact, one the toughest habits she had to get under control to feel like a functional person. It was even harder because she had taken the decision to keep her Hilda persona around Malleus as well. It hadn’t been a pleasant decision to make, but she kept fearing a potential escalation of her issues - besides, Bianca wasn’t one to wash her dirty clothes in public, and so she preferred keeping the full extent of her issues to herself out of a sense of privacy. After all, she had set out on her own, her alone had to deal with the consequences of this decision. Nobody else would be dragged in. Yet these secrets weighted on her shoulders and she couldn’t help feeling guilty as he was being so pleasantly open to her. A part of her felt like she didn’t deserve so much kindness from him.

Yet, under blue moon their relationship took a new turn, on a night when Malleus was helping Bianca settle in yet another hiding place. If he had questions regarding her situation and her habit to hop from place to place after a while, he kept them to himself but didn’t hide the occasional long stares with a thoughtful look - a graceful gesture the hedge witch became aware of over time and appreciated. However, for all of her observations, she never foresaw that one night coming, mostly because she never expected such a thing to happen to her in the first place. The details of what led to this situation still escape her to this day, but the most important ones remain: a look exchanged and something in reaction that caused her breath to hitch, his discreet scent like tea, soft spices and winter fire, the warm feeling of skin against skin and a tingle spreading through her body, leaning into the sensation to get more of it. Soon, fingers found their way through hair and things started to heat up... Then stopped, as Malleus was holding a strand of her hair and looking at it, then at her, with a surprised look.

- You did tell me about those magical surges of yours... But I had never seen that sort of thing happen before. Did you?

- What are you talking abo- blackthorns blossoms? No, that one is definitely new, though oddly specific. I wonder what could have caus-

Then it downed on her as she mentally considered the nature and properties of blackthorn tree. It seemed her own magic had a sense of humour and she was its victim, because the choice of plant was oddly appropriate, both in regard to the situation it decided to appear and mix in her hair, and in regard to the person that was involved in it. Bianca got redder by the second as she blurted out her explanation, eliciting the most charming reaction from Malleus in the process.

- To put it simply, I’d say you... You-made-me-bloom. Literally.

- Pff... Hahahaha well at the very least, know that the blackthorn suits you perfectly.

- You’re enjoying it all, aren’t you?

-Oh, I enjoy it a lot.

Shortly after this event, Bianca’s cover as Hilda the hedge witch was destroyed. As she lowered her guard more and more around Malleus, she became complacent as well, and that’s how she made the mistake of leaving traces for her mother’s assistant, Erico, to follow. Up until now, her parents had waited for her to come home, and her mother had sent the man when she realised her runaway of a daughter had no intention of coming back. Following her had proven difficult, between the erratic patterns she had either purposefully or accidentally created and her cautious nature, she’d proven more elusive than expected. Not surprising, considering the roots of her magic. The wild itself was her domain to rule over, the twisted magical left overs of some of her early rampages had proven so when he went and observed them.

Under blue moon, Bianca found herself cornered and felt an anxiety she thought she had managed to overcome hold her in a metaphorical chokehold again. And when Erico called her name - her actual name -, it felt like the first of a series of slaps in her face as the new reality she had built for herself fell apart. A magical fight ensued, during which Bianca noticed for the first time how far she’d come with her small but steady, daily practice. Had she stayed home, she would never have been to reach that level of mastery - even though she still had to summon Folly, a large dog-like beast, as well as sets of thick blackthorn bushes to keep the assistant at bay. As they finally came to a standstill, Bianca holding him with bushes full of long thorns slowly getting tighter around him, negociations started and poison flowed.

- Lady Bianca, you have to come home, your parents are concerned about your safety!

- My safety? Or the fact that I may cause a smear on their good name? Unless it’s an interest for what I bear? Concerned about me as a person, I don’t think so. Tell me, what do you think of my current magical abilities?

-... You’ve grown, Lady Bianca, but you’re still young and -

- Do you think I owe that growth to them? The very persons who threw me away because of what they considered a defect? The only reason they want me back is because I carry our family’s Gift. It makes me no better than some broken tool, just because I blot too quickly. But here, outside, I managed to become a person again, and it’s all my work, I don’t owe the family a single thing! Do you think I will allow you, or anybody else to take that away from me? Do you really think that?

- My lady please, at least come back home to share your sister’s burden - ACK!

- Share her burden? She chose to be on her own. But please, keep spouting that sort of nonsense, see what my thorns think of it!... You’ll bring a proof back to my mother. Something to show her that it’s pointless to follow a dead trail.

On these softly threatening words, Bianca went to her current hiding spot, leaving Folly to keep watch over the assistant. A dead trail it would be, as she ramaged through her stuff and got out to prepare a simple transforming charm. Quickly, animal bones got turned into humanoid bones, which she wrapped in a dark fabric.

- Since you were following orders, I’ll let you go back to my family, but you’ll bring them these bones. Tell them this it what you found at the end of the trail. You’ll be freed from this cat and mouse game in the process, isn’t it nice? Your Lady Bianca Bosconero is dead.

After she released the assistant from her magical hold and saw him off with the fake bones, Bianca collapsed on herself. Even though she had clearly gotten better at handling her magic, pushing her limit and walking it like a tightrope, it was still exhausting. In bad need of a rest, she considered not using magic for a little while to be the safest option if she wanted to recover properly. What she didn’t consider was Malleus witnessing the end of that exchange as he refrained from joining her, seeing that she was very obviously in quite the situation.

-... Bianca Bosconero? From the Bosconero household? Is it who you are?

----------

M., I think this will be the last letter between us for a while. I’m sorry things have come to that, but you know I don’t want you to be needlessly involved in my personal mess. I’ll try to figure a new way out, I’ll let you know as soon as it happens. In the mean time, please take good care of yourself. I love you.

----------

Malleus didn’t take her lie well and let it known through his scowl. However, he accepted to listen to her, and Bianca chose to talk about her situation, for the first time in years. It was clumsy and oddly unemotional in some parts, as she tried to be as detached from her recounting as possible. She remained afraid of letting to many things out, because she knew she’d break if she were to do it. Bianca wasn’t ready to break yet. Even though she had learned to let go, there were still things she desperately held onto to keep her head up. By the end of her explanations, Malleus’ scowl had left place to a more thoughtful expression. They spent the entire night together, and he kept coming back in the following days. His kindness went straight to her heart.

Once she recovered from the encounter with her mother’s assistant, he offered to help her work on her magic by being her sparing partner. She decided to focus mostly on defensive magic, fully aware that once her mother would have realised she’d been tricked by the bones, there was a high chance that she’d make the next moves herself. She needed to be ready to deal with what was coming her way, especially when it would come the woman who’d been trained directly by Margherita Bosconero. As such, having a proper set of spells to defend and attack, as well as an increased mastery of her unique magic, was necessary. The latter, in particular, had the possibility to provide Bianca a control of the field as long as she paced herself properly and kept a clear, focused mind.

Facing her mother was probably one of the hardest things Bianca ever had to do in her life. Not simply because of her power, but because of the terror she inspired her despite not having seen each other for a long time. Bianca held her ground for a surprisingly long time thanks to the preparations she had done with Malleus’ help, but in the end it prove to no avail. She was still too young and too swayed by her emotions. When the blot started to accumulate to much, when her mother’s onslaught of spells started getting past her defenses, Bianca felt herself fail and a sinking feeling, deep inside her, that she thought she had managed to keep under control, grew and made her crumble in the end.

Bianca’s home became her golden cage. She found herself sitting inbetween parents who not only viewed her as a general failure, but as a disappointment as well, while her sister remained... Cold. Bianca never asked what had been happening during her absence, but the way her sister held herself - as if she was a new version of their mother, was disturbing to witness. With that in mind, she started isolating herself more and more, both in the house and in her own mind in order to escape the pain her new situation was giving her. Reading and writing became her hobbies to kill time in a pleasant way and express herself in a way that wouldn’t cause harm to anybody. She also sent letters to Malleus regularly with the help of Sly, her twisted bird-like summon, and kept his replies well hidden. Not being able to see him was painful and even worse was the news that her mother had caught on Sly’s flights and was preparing a spell to make sure it would stop. When Idle, ever the watchful eyes, had reported on that, Bianca’s heart sank and she immediately prepared her last letter to Malleus, not knowing when they’d be able to read or even see each other again. On a sentimental impulse she still wasn’t used to, she decided to bluntly state her feelings as a promise to find a way out of her current predicament.

Then, her days slowly became awfully similar and a numbness started overtaking her with time. It felt like being back to square one, with no way out this time. Bianca silently despaired in a house that made it clear she was unwanted, yet had to remain to pay for the shame she had brought her family. It ate away at her will in an insidious manner, until an unexpected saving grace, in the form of an invitation, arrived for her. Bianca and Neve both received an invitation to study magic, but in different schools. While Neve was called by Royal Sword Academy, Bianca was meant to attend Night Raven College. It didn’t bother her, quite the contrary. She was elated at the idea of leaving the house for some years and the news alone was enough to help her find some energy back.

On the day the carriage containing the coffin that led to Night Raven College arrived, Bianca’s surprise increased when she saw a familiar silhouette ready to pass through the coffin-like door. The only reason she kept her composure was because Malleus wasn’t alone - next to him stood a smaller man with a boyish face. Lilia Vanrouge. As she was about to break into a run, Bianca managed to stop at the last second and proceeded to politely salute the two fae before following them through the door. During the entrance ceremony, amidst the whispers caused by Malleus’ presence at the college - a surprising turn of event, considering he was already among the best sorcerers world-wide -, both were sorted into different dorms by the Mirror. While Malleus joined Lilia in Diasomnia, Bianca found herself in Pomefiore, and nearly lost it as soon as the name was uttered by the Mirror. Of course, she had to be sent to the place where the most ambitious ones tended to be found.

A few days later, as they settled in their dorms, Malleus and Bianca met under blue moon. For the first time since they met, Bianca didn’t hide a thing - didn’t even try to. Tears gathered and rolled, taking away with them the exhaustion accumulated over time. Her head rested on his shoulder and she basked in the gentle blend of tea, soft spices and winter fire she’d missed more than she expected. Being in different dorms and in different classes meant they couldn’t see each other as often as they’d like, yet the occasional meeting was good enough for them. Besides, a single year didn’t mean that much.

During that same year, Bianca started working a new solution out to counter her family’s power over her. She managed to get hired as part-time library assistant and poured much of her free time into the study of legislation. Her grades suffered as a consequence, but she waved it away, considering it a lesser immediate priority. She also took it upon herself to approach Lilia at some point during the year, in order to get further advices regarding the details of certain laws and how they applied in the Valley of Thorns. Considering Lilia’s age and experience, she deemed him a reliable source of information on the subject. By the end of the year, she reached out to the school’s staff and decided to be open about her issues and how it would impact her life in the following year. Not certain about her capacity to deal with everything at the same time, she asked for an authorisation to sacrifice her second year. If the request was initially received with a certain reluctance, arguing that dealing with her personal issues as quickly as possible would allow her to concentrate on her studies later on seemed to convince her teachers and the headmaster.

As a consequence, she was fairly inactive as a student during that second year, busy working at the library and figuring out a way to at least obtain legal emancipation with the help of a counsellor. If the magic way didn’t work, Bianca hoped the legal way would do the trick. And by the end of that second year, it did. It may have brought a debt and a repeat of the year, but Bianca considered it a worthy sacrifice for her peace of mind.

This is where she is now, as her new second year starts. Sitting in front of a mirror, in her dorm uniform, she adds some subtle touches to a makeup of the dramatic sort, created solely to go with the outfit and meant to signal a turn in her life, an affirmation of who she is as a person. After all, considering how this year’s entrance ceremony went as a non-magic wielding human and a beast caused havoc in the Hall of the Mirror, this year certainly promised to be interesting.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #OC #Bianca Bosconero #backstory #watch me try to nuke the canon story with my stuff #watch the canon story retaliate #at least I'm following canon infos when it comes to Malleus #also they're cute dumb teens and it's nice to write stuff about them #it warms my cold dead heart #it's also a nice break because a third of that story was legit depressing to work on #HOLY SHIT IT TOOK ME TWO WEEKS TO WORK ON THAT BABY

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fanfictionaries · 4 years

Text

Where the Green Grass Grows - Part 1. A Real Fine Place to Start

@imanuglywombat credit for the moodboard/art!

Summary: After leaving town in 2001, Marianne Grace Barnes swore she’d never step foot in Texas again. She was happy with her life in San Francisco. She had great friends, a great job, and a loving boyfriend. But when her mother insists she come home after six long years away, Marianne comes face to face with someone she vowed to never lay eyes on again. Now the questions arise: Is he so different from the man who broke her heart? Is she so different from the girl she used to be?

And most importantly, is she as happy as she really thinks she is?

A story of love, heartache, and that special feeling of being home.

MASTERLIST

Pairing: AU Cowboy!Steve Rogers x OFC

Warnings: Swearing

Author’s note: This is my entry for @arrowsandmixtapes ‘s RomCom Writing Challenge! So sorry for the late entry, Covid has been a whirlwind of a time.

Prompt: Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

***

The streets of San Francisco were their normal, misty grey as Marianne Barnes rushed down the sidewalk. Scrubbing at the technicolor specks of paint that covered her arms, she wondered why that day of all days she had decided to introduce the splatter paint portion of her student’s curriculum. The current semester was focused on abstract and modern art. Slowly she’d been introducing them to all of the history and techniques behind the different styles before allowing them to try it out for themselves. While initially it seemed like a fantastic idea, she soon realized that allowing a group of middle schoolers the freedom to literally throw paint was a recipe for disaster. Luckily, she had her art smock to cover the entirety of her clothes, but that had not saved her arms and legs from the ricochet of paint as the over enthusiastic kids hurled globs of color as hard as they could at blank canvases. Continuing to rake her nails against the skin of her arms, she sighed in frustration. She really should have taken a few more minutes to wash up one more time.

It was important that she look nice tonight. Tony, her boyfriend, had invited her to dinner stating he had some “big news”. Marianne assumed that it probably had to do with the big business deal he’d been working on for his company. Tony was a visionary of sorts. Having come from family money, his future was always to be well off. However, he had taken the extra steps to truly make something of himself and slowly over the years of his career he had come to own the single leading company in clean energy technology. She was proud of him – even if his job did take up a large amount of his life. However, without his job she probably wouldn’t have met him. She thought back to the embarrassing moment in which they had met nearly a year ago.

Marianne pulled at the neckline of her dress, the Peter Pan collar currently feeling as though it was going to choke her as she shifted uncomfortably by the food and drink table. As much as she liked being there for her best friend, she really wished Natasha would stop inviting her to these kinds of events. While Nat insisted that she’d stay right by Marianne’s side, she always ended up alone at some point in the night, twiddling her thumbs in a room filled with strangers. Having met in art school, Marianne always found it incredibly interesting how drastically different her and Natasha’s careers were. While Marianne had opted for teaching the youths of America about Monet, Dali, van Gogh, and Matisse, Natasha had settled on the curation of art, a field that suited her much more appropriately. The rubbing of elbows with the hoity toity rich was a perfect fit for Nat’s easy, sophisticated, and, for lack of a better word, sexy personality. With her naturally fire-red hair, knockout curves, and perfect smile, Natasha was the type of woman that when she walked into a room, every person either wanted to be her or to fuck her. There was no in-between. Even for Marianne, who supposed in some ways, she’d like to be a bit more like Natasha.

That’s why she was so surprised to be approached as she clung to her glass of champagne and pretended to stare contemplatively at the same painting of a flat tire for the fifth time that night.

“What do you think?” asked a smooth and timbred voice from beside her.

Marianne chuckled slightly to herself continued to trace the thick brushstrokes of the painting with her eyes. “Well, considering the artist’s theme of stagnation, I think they’ve gone a bit too on the nose with this one. It’s…unimaginative,” she commented, before turning to see the handsome man beside her. If she’d actually been drinking the champagne in her hand, she might have choked on it. Luckily for her, she hadn’t.

The man continued to stare at the painting in front of them, a contemplative expression that brought his thick, dark brows together, before he turned his gaze to her, “So you don’t think it will sell tonight then?”

“Oh no, it will definitely sell. I’ve been to enough of these things to know that it’s not really about taste, so much as it is status. If the artist seems important enough, then so is their art,” smirked Marianne, this time actually taking a sip from her champagne flute to avoid focusing on the intriguing way in which the stranger was staring at her.

“Ah, yes. The snobbish elites’ inability to see past their own social status,” he commented dryly, taking a sip from his own flute.

“Hey, you said it, not me,” Marianne laughed, feeling as though she might have made a connection with a reasonable person just yet.

“And who do I have the pleasure of giving me all the inside critique?”

She extended her free hand out to the man, “Marianne Barnes—art teacher, friend of the curator, and overall critic of the snobbish elite.”

He took her hand in his own, his grasp soft, yet strong as he shook her hand and stared her directly in the eye, “Tony Stark – member of the snobbish elite.”

Marianne blanched at the words, the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment taking over her as she realized her mistake. She was just beginning to open her mouth to apologize when Tony held up a hand.

“No need to apologize—” he inhaled deeply, looking around the room and the people that inhabited it “—Truth be told, I don’t think I can stand a single person in here. You excluded of course, but who knows that may change.”

Marianne wrestled with the smile that fought to match Tony’s own wry grin. He was too charming for his own good. Taking a second to look over his expensive suit, Italian leather shoes, and $200 haircut, she reckoned he was much too handsome and successful for her own good. Still, she figured there was no harm in a little conversation.

“Say, I like your accent. Where’s that from? Georgia? Alabama?” asked Tony, stepping in to close the distance between them and making the interaction feel so much more intimate than it should.

Marianne gasped in mock offense, “Excuse you sir, but I am Texas born through and through.”

“My apologies ma’am,” Tony said, holding a hand to his heart in sincerity. “It’s never my intention to offend beautiful women. But for some reason, it just, well, happens.”

That comment made Marianne pause, “You think I’m beautiful?”

He took a moment to assess her, raking his eyes over her from head to toe. Not in a predatory way, but more like he was assessing another painting on the wall. Then he answered, voice heavy in sincerity, “Most beautiful piece of art I’ve seen tonight.”

The sharp tone of Marianne’s ringtone brought her out of her musing and back to the present as she waited at a crosswalk for the light to change. Digging into the deep contents of her purse, she cursed under her breath, pushing aside pens, pencils, scrunchies, lotions, and general clutter before her fingers closed around the buzzing device.

“Hello?”

“I just really don’t understand why Serena and Nate just don’t get together! I mean, he basically broke up with Blair for her, the least she could do is date him,” groaned Natasha from the other end, before Marianne heard the distinct crunch of popcorn being chewed.

“Hey! Spoilers, I haven’t watched last night’s episode yet! Besides, I really don’t have time to talk about Gossip Girl right now,” she huffed, glancing at the time on her watch and realizing she was even later than she thought.

“Well hurry up and watch it! I want to talk about what Chuck did. You’ll never believe it—”

“Seriously Nat, no spoilers!” Marianne exclaimed, now picking up her speed as she crossed the street, trying not to catch the heel of her stilettos on the cracks in the pavement. “And I meant it, I’m running late for my dinner with Tony. He’s taking me to my favorite restaurant to celebrate the contract with Pym Technologies.”

“Wow. I never would have expected Tony to slum it all the way to the Mission District,” Natasha snorted.

“What? No, I’m in SoMa right now. We’re going to Omakase,” Marianne said, jumping back when a bicyclist zoomed past her, nearly knocking her into a dirty puddle.

“Oh…”

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just that I have a distinct memory of you saying you’d rather lick an L.A. sidewalk than eat raw fish, but I have seen you scarf down more burritos from Taqueria Cancun than I can count.”

Marianne bristled at the comment; she always did this. “My tastes are allowed to change Nat,” she bit back, seeing the sign for the sushi restaurant her and Tony frequented in sight.

Natasha was quiet for a moment on the other end of the line before she responded, “Yea, yea, you’re right. I’m sorry. Well, have fun at dinner and tell Tony I say congratulation.”

Sighing, Marianne immediately felt guilty for the harsh way in which she spoke, “Thanks Nat, I’ll tell him. And don’t worry, I’ve got the episode queued up first on Tony’s TiVo. I’ll watch it tonight and then I’ll call you tomorrow and we can gab all about why Serena needs to pull her head out.”

The comment earned Marianne a small laugh from Natasha, alleviating some of her guilt, “I’m holding you to that. Talk to you later hun, love you.”

“Love you too.”

Marianne closed her phone just as she was approaching the front doors to Omakase. Throwing her phone back into her purse she pushed the glass door open, knowing that Tony was probably already waiting for her at their favorite table. The first thing she noticed upon entering the restaurant was the distinct lack of the normal bustling sounds of other people, the second thing was the presence of orchestral music, and the third were roses. Hundreds and hundreds of red roses. Stacked on every available surface, the flowers littered the restaurant in large arrangements placed in beautiful crystal vases.

Silently, her heeled feet padded across the rose petal covered floor as she tentatively stepped further into the building, wondering for a just a second if she was in the right place. However, as she rounded the corner to see Tony dressed impeccably, string quartet situation behind him as he stood next to the only table in the dining room, she knew this was exactly where she was supposed to be.

“Tony…” she approached him cautiously, unable to stop from looking around the room and all its grandeur.

“There she is. For a second, I thought you found something better to do,” joked Tony, closing the distance between them and kissing her lightly on the lips.

“Sorry, I got out of class a bit late and then Nat called. What’s going on?” Marianne asked, still unsure what the big romantic gesture was for.

“What? A man can’t treat his girlfriend to a romantic night?”

“Well yes, but I thought we were celebrating your deal.”

“Well, I mean that’s part of it, but we’ll get to that later. Here, why don’t you set your things down? I have something I want to ask you.” Tony slipped Marianne’s purse from her shoulder and placed it gently down onto her chair before turning to her and taking both of her hands in his. “So, a little precursor, I closed the deal with Pym Technologies.”

“Oh my god, Tony that’s amazing! I knew you were going to get it,” Marianne exclaimed, smiling widely at her boyfriend. She moved in to give him a congratulatory hug, but Tony stopped her, holding her away from him at arm’s length.

“Oh, hold on, let’s not celebrate too soon. At least let me finish my little speech and then we can jump up and down like teenage girls,” responded Tony. His tone, while its usual joking manner, held a tense and clipped edge to it that Marianne didn’t hear often. Nervously she shifted her weight, wondering what he could possibly have to ask her. Then slowly things started to click into place. Secluded restaurant. Red roses. String quartet. Tony’s favorite red wine on the table. Big important question. Oh.

“Well, once this deal goes through, I’m going to be spending a lot of time traveling internationally. Things are going to pick up at Stark Industries and I realized that life is about to get a lot more hectic and messier. Then of course, this brought on a whirlwind of existential questions about life and its meaning and purpose and what I really want out of it and…and I’m rambling aren’t I?”

“Yea, just a bit,” Marianne answered with a small smile.

“I had a point—”

“Did you?”

“I did—” Tony released his hold on her hands to dig into the pocket of his suit pants “—and I think it sounded a bit like this.” Marianne gasped lightly as Tony dropped to one knee. “Basically, to make a long, drawn-out story short, I realized that no matter how messy and crazy the future scenarios of my life, one thing remained a constant. You. You by my side as my wife. So…” Producing a small, black box from within his hands, he opened it slowly to reveal a large, sparkling engagement ring. “Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Marianne stood speechless for a moment, consumed by the surprise turn of events. For a second the musing thought that she would have definitely forgone splatter paint today if she had known she was getting proposed to, flashed through her mind before she nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, yes I will marry you.”

That’s how one month later Marianne found herself entering Natasha’s apartment, arms completely stuffed with nothing but wedding magazines, samples, and binders. Dropping her things into a large pile on the carpet of Natasha’s living room floor, Marianne breathed in deep before turning her attention to an open portfolio on the coffee table. The bright splashes of reds and blues of oversized poppies amidst a large, open sky caught her attention, drawing her in.

“Hey Nat, are you looking to take in a new collection at the gallery?” she called towards the kitchen, unable to pull her eyes away from the beautiful and almost impressionistic take on the flowers.

“Yea, one of my boss’s associates is crazy about these giant oil paintings of poppies. He wants us to consider doing a whole show of them. We’re equally as enthusiastic, but I guess the artist is hesitant about selling their work,” answered Natasha from across the apartment.

“Don’t most artists want to sell their art?”

“You’d think, but judging from the California poppies, they’re probably some west coast artist that doesn’t want to ‘sell out’ and ruin the integrity of their work.” Marianne could almost hear Natasha rolling her eyes through the walls.

Staring even harder at the small collection of paintings as she flipped through the portfolio, Marianne asked, “Are you sure they’re California poppies?”

Just as she asked the question, Natasha came around the corner, two large glasses of prosecco in hand. “Of course. We’re in California. They’re poppies. California poppies,” Natasha shrugged, placing the glasses on the coffee table.

“Yea, I guess you’re right,” Marianne said, sharply closing the portfolio and shaking off the strange sense of melancholy that the paintings evoked.

“Jesus, when you said you wanted to come over and talk about wedding stuff while we watched Gossip Girl, I thought you meant something like looking at a couple of magazines, not planning the whole thing in one night!” Natasha said, eyes growing wide as she took in the sheer amount of materials Marianne had arrived with.

“Yea, well that’s pretty much all the time I actually have to plan this thing. Tony wants to get married soon so that we can go on our honeymoon before he has to start traveling for work. Once things pick up, we’re not really sure when he’ll get another free moment,” sighed Marianne, sitting down on the floor and beginning to organize her mess.

“I’m surprised he’s letting you plan this and it’s not him making all the decisions,” remarked Natasha, sitting down across from her, and picking up a magazine.

“What do you mean?” asked Marianne, looking up quizzically at her best friend.

“Well…” began Natasha, hesitating for a moment before continuing, “I just mean that Tony tends to have a habit of making decisions for you.”

“What? No, he doesn’t,” Marianne scoffed.

“Uhuh…okay. Well then, who decided shortly after meeting you that your car, your first car, your baby, wasn’t good enough and that you needed a new one?” Natasha asked challengingly.

“It was old Natasha. People get new cars every day. Tony was just kind enough to buy me a new one,” Marianne reasoned with her, picking up her glass of prosecco from the coffee table.

“Okay, what about your job? You were working at that cute little public, elementary school that you always said you loved so much. Next thing I know, you’ve got this new job at a private middle school.”

“Tony had some connections and there’s nothing wrong with moving up in your career. I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point of a career, Nat.”

“Your apartment then? A week after he saw your apartment for the first time, he insisted that you move in with him.”

“That apartment was a rat-infested shit-hole and you know it. Things were going well, and he had the space. I took a leap of faith and moved in with him. I think it went alright considering the fact that I’m marrying the man. Just- what are you getting at Nat?”

“I guess I’m just worried that these major life decisions aren’t what you want, but instead what Tony wants. I mean, you’ve been together barely a year and already you’re more like him than you are you. You dress posher, you act posher, your accent’s fading…I want you to be happy Marianne, but I don’t want you to lose yourself along the way,” Natasha ended her small rant by taking a large gulp of her drink.

Marianne placed a hand on her friends arm reassuringly, “Hey. It’s alright. I’m happy, I promise. And it’s still me! I’m still the same Marianne Barnes you met in art school – just a little fancier is all.” She laid her southern accent on thick near the end of her sentence, lifting up her left hand to waggle the large engagement ring in her friend’s face. Natasha laughed, knocking her hand out of the way, and rolling her eyes at Marianne’s blatant bragging.

“Shut up, now let’s work on your guest list and invitations first while we let the drama of Manhattan’s Upper East Side consume us,” said Natasha, exchanging the magazine for a binder as she turned her TV on with the press of a button.

Taglist:

@hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall

@caffiend-queen

@grincheveryday

#RomComWC #RCWC #steve x ofc #au!steve #cowboy!steve #steve rogers #sweet home alabama #romantic comedy #fanfiction #fanfic #tony stark x ofc #enemies to lovers

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anniesarthistoryblog · 4 years

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A Review of three works from the ‘Shape and Form’ Exhibition at @heartofthetribe Gallery, Glastonbury

As our final assignment for our Art History module for @strodefad we were required to write an essay discussing eithere an art history movement or a recent exhibition visited. Always up for a challenge i chose to write about the brief opportunity I got to see an art gallery between lockdowns in the new gallery that i am fortunate to have just a few minutes walk from my home here in Glastonbury.

What made it a really special experience was that i managed to contact two of the three artist I chose to include in the essay and they very generously answered my questions about their exhibit pieces to give me some context and process insights as first-hand accounts and it was wonderful to be able to ask the creators quesitons about their work and how they made it. The exhibition had high quality contributions from over 30 Somerset artists, so it was hard to select just 3 works, but I managed and got the essay completed in time.

This is an analysis of three selected works from the ‘Shape and Form’ exhibition at the Heart of the Tribe Gallery in Glastonbury. The gallery only opened in September 2020 and despite the restrictions caused by the COVID pandemic, this was the third exhibition that the gallery has managed to stage since then.

Following a core artist group launch exhibition ‘Diversity’, and solo exhibition ‘Beauty and Truth’ by John Minshull, this exhibition was a collation of works submitted by 30 Somerset artists following an open call for contributions from the gallery core artists and online directory members.

Curated by gallery manager Kim von Coels (aka artist ‘The Krumble Empire’), the aim of the exhibition was ‘to explore the fundamental building blocks of visual art, both geometric and organic’. The exhibition was open from 3rd December -26th January and I managed to see it twice before lockdown restrictions came into force. A virtual tour (1) is also available here

1. Millie Gleeson: ‘All We’ll Know’

The Painting was displayed in a prominent position on the last wall as you exit the exhibition, directly opposite a canvas featuring an abstract female form in greyscale graphite, and the scale of this canvas (60 x 48 inches) made it really stand out.

I saw Millie’s solo show also entitled ‘All We’ll Know’ at the Red Brick Building in June 2019. She uses reference photographs to help with composition and is heavily influenced by her time in Berlin and Mexico.

Many of her works feature masks painted on the (mostly nude) female subjects, so what I found fascinating about this piece was that the face was illuminated and prominent and she is swathed in billowing robes.

I contacted the artist for more information on the context and process of the painting.

She told me this is a self-portrait, painted from a 'still' of the artist performing in a music video her friends (the Hics) produced, also called "All We'll Know"( 2 )

Gleeson started began painting this in 2014, but it was put into storage until she revisited to complete it in 2019.

She commented ‘it was a huge time of transformation and the end of an era and perhaps I had to return to the painting when I felt I'd fully transformed.’

The Painting has lots of movement, which is representative of the video it is sourced from, the performers are in an industrial setting and are either submerged under water, or as captured in this image, rising up and breaking free. The robes are flowing and there is a sense of movement in the arms and legs. Her website (3) describes how the work was developed as part of a series developed during an Artist Residency at Arquetopia in Mexico.“The residency applied Levanasian ethics to the artistic process, teaching to respect the integrity of differences and question the desire for totalisation. Questioning whether you can truly know the other and if you only know the self, how can you respect the space between?” “Any creative project I have embarked on at the core has revolved around the topic of identity or identification. Following the residency lectures my project became entirely introspective, leading me on a journey of self-discovery. I began to look at my own shadow, distortions, fractions, mirror images, deep and dark aspects of myself. Using the vibrant colours that surrounded me I began to explore my own conflicts and duality through a series of self-portraits, in an exploration to “All we’ll know.”I really resonated with this piece as it reminded me of the Salvador Dali painting ' Christ of St John of the Cross’ I saw at the Glasgow Kelvingrove museum. Light comes from above and the arms are widely placed. The pale blue colour palette and rich drapery in the dress against the dark background is similar to that shown in ‘The Countess of Southampton’ ( 4) (Anthony Van Dyck 1599-1641), seen at the Cambridge Fitzwilliam museum.

Ruary is an Edinburgh-born artist who has lived and worked all over the world and is a gallery core artist working in an attic studio above.

He is inspired by nature and psychedelic culture (6) and another of his works ‘Sacred Chaos’ was chosen as the exhibition feature image.

I interviewed the artist to learn more about the context and process behind these works. Ruary explained that “Trap Dance was a process-oriented piece, created as an experiment using masking tape to create random abstract geometric forms”.

The piece depicts two females and a male dancing, with Cubist and Italian futurists-influenced segmentation and distortion of the figures. The artist noted that the title ‘Trap Dance’ is a pun, as the two female figures appear to be being pressed together by the male dancer (Allen quipped it should have been called ‘Tape Dance’). The experimental process with repeated randomly placed masking tape and paint until the forms emerged, resulted in an abstract image.

The artist saw the forms of the dancers appearing and added them at late stages of development. It is more narrative in comparison with the cover piece ‘Sacred Chaos’; which was another process oriented, straight-edged construction using platonic forms, mathematical constructions, intersecting circles and combining them to make a striking abstract image. The artist has a lifelong interest in Alchemy in art and alchemical symbolism, and this is evident in the works presented here (7).

The colour palette is cooler at top and has more vibrant and darker tones at bottom, with a spotlight in the top left corner, which the artist suggests is reminiscent of a stage or nightclub scene. There is lots of movement as the figures are interweaved amongst the abstract shapes.

This painting is hung in a long narrow corridoor directly opposite the toilets (another ‘trap’ reference?) and adjacent to the exit door to the garden space. The works surrounding the piece are smaller in scale and have less visual impact, and I think that having to stand so close to it makes it more of an experience as the viewer is drawn into the movement and abstract forms on the canvas. There is no opportunity to stand back and see the work in a wider context so one is trapped like the dancers in the image.

3. ‘Lost Toys’ by Julie Ackerman .

This is an installation assemblage sculpture piece selected from a collection of 10 museum themed boxes. (8). The work is inspired by the ‘cabinets of curiosities’ or ‘Wunderkammer’ (as described by Anastasiya Gutnic from the Metropolitan museum of art here with an example from the German artist Nicolaus I Kolb) (9).

The cabinet is displayed with a second piece called and ‘Science Lab’ and both are relatively small in scale requiring the viewer to lean in close to see the details.

Key elements of a Wunderkammer are:

· Naturalia (natural, found objects),

· Artificialia/Artifacta (mand-made, abstract objects), and

· Scientifica (scientific instruments and technological items)

The cabinet contents are carefully considered to reflect the message that the artist is trying to express, and fits the categories described above.

I chose this piece as the lockdown period has made many of us question what is important to us and question our consumerism and its’ environmental impact.Using upcycled packaging and materials has been a theme of my own creative practice this year.

The artist states on her biography (8)

“I was compelled to take on the challenge of using unwanted objects and materials as an art medium. Raising awareness of a world in crisis through art is paramount in my work. By transforming waste into beautiful works of art, I hope to inspire and encourage the 'Art of Recycling' turning a negative situation into a positive one.”

The artist goes on to state “The impact of overpopulation means greater demand on natural resources and an escalating waste problem. We need nature to thrive by reducing our demand for new materials, leaving nature intact.”

In the ‘Lost Toys’ cabinet a collection of sticks and a pine-cone (Naturalia) are surrounded by a plastic ‘monster’ (Artificialia) and assorted toy animals. A green butterfly rests on a branch with a wooden ’tribal style’ peg and a ‘protective’ dragon flying overhead and a lurking toy hairbrush in the background.

The second cabinet has scientific paraphernalia (Scientifica) and a skull with glasses, references to the impact of sanitary waste and plastic pollution on marine life. There are also humorous touches, like the small creature and drawing pin on top of the skull.

This fits with the exhibition theme as it invites the viewer to examine how the items relate to each other and to our own experiences. Viewers will respond to the individual elements and interpret their relationships differently.

The placing of the cabinets in a transition space between two rooms containing large paintings is also an interesting variation in form and requires a different type of interaction by the viewer.

Summary

The aim of the exhibition was to explore the fundamental building blocks of visual art, both geometric and organic, and the curator has selected a broad range of 2D, and 3D exhibits to really allow this theme to be represented. I found it quite difficult to select only three works for this essay as there was such a high quality to choose from.

These three selected artists have interpreted the theme in quite different ways, but one gets a sense of shape and form from all of their works shown.

References

1. Shape and Form Exhibition Virtual tour: https://www.infohost360.com/heart12/

2. Millie Gleeson – The Hics reference video "All We'll Know" https://youtu.be/RB2MweTwfQY.

3. Millie Gleeson website: https://milliegleeson.co.uk/all-well-know

4. Van Dyck Image reference found in Fitzwilliam Museum Cambridge guide, p37. 2016 ISBN: 978-0-9574434-9-5

5. Image sourced from https://artuk.org/discover/artworks/rachel-de-ruvigny-countess-of-southampton-as-fortune-5613

6. Ruary Allen Artist Bio: https://heartofthetribe.com/portfolio_page/ruary-allan/

7. Ruary Allen Artist website: https://artalchemist.com/

8. Julie Ackerman Artist Bio: https://heartofthetribe.com/artist-directory-view-by-artist/user/77/

9. Cabinet of Curiosities reference video: https://youtu.be/j6q10euArks Nicolaus I Kolb (German, 1582–1621). Apothecary Cart, 1617–18. Veneer: ebonized pearwood (Pyrus communis), ebony, partially gilded silver; carcass: conifer; interior: protective quilted cushion covered in red silk, drawers and chest lined with red silk velvet; gold, trimming; mounts and fittings: brass, partially gilded; thirty-two (32) vessels and utensils: glass, partially gilded silver, low carbon steel, leather, 11 x 11 x 9 1/16 in. (28 x 28 x 23 cm). The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, Purchase, Anna-Maria, and Stephen Kellen Acquisitions Fund, 2019 (2019.229.1a–c–.32a, b)

10. Cabinet of Curiosities reference description: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabinet_of_curiosities

11. Dr. Beth Harris and Dr. Steven Zucker, "How to do visual (formal) analysis," in Smarthistory, September 18, 2017, accessed January 28, 2021, https://smarthistory.org/visual-analysis/.

#artists on tumblr #art history #glastonbury #ruary allen #millie gleeson #julie ackerman #heart of the tribe #strodecollegeartdepartment #anniesartthings #anndimentartist #artalchemist #the hics #wunderkammer #all we know #local gallery #shape and form #ual art and design

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gayleisabao · 4 years

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Nanay Lilia: The Star That Remains In The Dark

Admit it or not, with the world we revolve around in today, being remembered is one of the things that we give importance to as humans before we face the end, the afterlife, or death. We do our best to leave a mark on this world no matter how big or small it is, as long as at least one person still thinks of us while we’re inside the casket or crossing the path to where our spirit is destined to be. Yes, we may not all be focusing on the idea of making our names be remembered as centuries and generations pass by, but the thought of being known for what you were or what you did here on earth for the entirety of your life, comes with a grudge that most of us blindly take care of.

This is something that I see as a concept that is widely common for people who are part of the creative industry, especially for the branch of film. There’s this sense of making a legacy out of your career and from the many stories that have been revived by the talents of writers and directors, to the characters and figures portrayed by the actors, everyone has a role in treasuring what once was and is to be. In fact, the process of it can be reflected in how we look up at the horizon each night.

We often have those moments where we gaze through our windows and look for the sight of the moon, surrounded by the ocean of stars that bring light to the beauty of the night sky. For me, this is how I look at films, or at least perceive how each one is made and brought to life through the eyes and the minds of producers and directors. With how big the industry has become so far, so much talent and creativity revolves around it that recognition is something that is commonly looked out for by the people who are behind each piece. Recognition that serves as validity that a talent or creator has made it in the industry, especially with film.

In the topic of recognition, I would like to talk about a film that we have watched for our film class this past week which is Six Degrees of Separation from Lilia Cuntapay, which is directed by none other than Antoinette Jadaone. It is a mockumentary revolving the everyday life of the very iconic Lilia Cuntapay, which some or most may not know her by name, but can definitely recognize her just by seeing her unique appearance. She is commonly known for her roles in Filipino horror movies wherein she portrays characters like a witch, an aswang, or other paranormal beings written and told by filmmakers and writers alike. And personally, when I first learned about her, I also didn’t know her by name, I only grew up watching her on horror films that my family used to watch and remembered how terrified I was of old ladies with long hair because of her. She was what I envisioned a witch would look like in real life, the perfect imagery of a person that holds so many grim and mysteries. And for Peque Gallaga, a well-known film director who was asked about Lilia Cantupay in an interview, this is also what he thought of as he first saw and met Cantupay during the set of his film Shake, Rattle, and Roll II back in the 90’s.

With that in mind, now getting a chance to watch a film about Lilia Cuntapay again, at first I had my expectations that it could be a horror film or maybe a look as to how actresses like her work in the film industry especially with specifications and characteristics that her roles are limited to. But as the film opens up to people getting questioned if they are familiar with Lilia Cuntapay, including clips of people from the industry getting interviewed about the actress, I immediately assumed that it was a documentary film given that I watched it without knowing anything about the film's background. The setup and the way the story was being portrayed in the first few minutes of the film is similar as to how we usually get to see documentaries, it consists of multiple parts where we get to know more about the subject in a collection of different views of people involved with the main character. That’s why as the scene of Lilia rolled in, where she is in the middle of a pulpit in a mock award show surrounded by valuables that were curated from her past films, I readily got curious as to how the film was going to progress.

The way the film was captured by director Antoinette Jadaone really shows the rawness of how Lilia’s life was behind scenes. It’s not what most people would normally imagine the life of someone who is very iconic in the industry would be, because we see that despite her landing big time jobs in the past and how she is a veteran in her genre, the longevity of her fame doesn’t guarantee the convenience of her everyday life. As it continues to progress, we slowly see that even though she has been included in a lot of big time selling horror films, she doesn’t get recognized as much as she is supposed to. Here the film slowly hints that it is a mockumentary that depicts the inner struggle that actors and actresses face in their field caused by “typecasting”. Wherein despite how good you are in your craft, if you’re associated or tagged to specific types of roles, there is still a high chance that producers and directors can decline you. They can still have the ability to change the way they treat you as a human being from your fame, unlike the treatment that most normally get when they’re seen by their fans or supporters.

Going back to the way as to how I see the film industry and while progressing through the story of Lilia’s character, I realized that we were made to believe that this is what her life actually is, and somehow that idea contributes largely to how we feel as we watch the film.There are scenes where we laugh out of the comedic elements that give light to her positivity despite her struggles and sacrifices for her passion, and then later on we feel pity for her because we see that in her old age and the treatment given to her, it's not fair. A roller coaster of emotions that slowly streams us to the flow of the film's message and prepares us for the mind-boggling ending. That’s something that I truly admired the film for, its consistent patterns of making its audiences feel the same way Lilia feels in the film. That feeling of somehow we could all relate to her as she works her best but ends up not being credited for the contribution she brings just because she’s not as known as the others in the industry.

To be honest, each scene for me was well thought out, given that the progression of the film leads up to an ending that still reaches the goal that was set in the beginning of the film, but it's modified into something that turns out to be more valuable than what we were made to believe was the most of what is offered in the plot of the story. It truly gave light to the potential of actors and also directors out there that are being overshadowed by those that are more popularized. It’s the genuinity of the film that really gets me giddy about it, it's not sugar coated like other works wherein there are unrealistic elements that mislead us to thinking that it's possibly impossible to happen to ordinary people like us. It’s relatable in a sense where we actually get morals and motivation out of it, that’s why I see the storytelling of it to be a perfect example of what I imagine the film industry to be as I have mentioned earlier. It’s the night sky where there’s a moon that is in the middle of an ocean of stars that are sometimes covered by clouds causing their light to not be seen, but despite this and without them, the universe would be in complete darkness without these stars. That’s why whether they are seen or not, recognized or ignored, their value to the industry remains the same and that’s what keeps them going to shine their light.

Overall, I would definitely say that Six Degrees of Separation from Lilia Cuntapay is definitely a must watch. It gives light to Lilia Cuntapay as an actress, she gives light despite the void that she is in when is not recognized for her contribution, and despite her being stuck in that darkness, she still shines through. The way she guides you to the storytelling of the film will lead you to interact and solve the questions that puzzle you in the beginning, very effective storytelling and gives us a clearer view of how the film industry and the entertainment industry as a whole is in reality that will build your appreciation and respect for filmmakers and actors out there.

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simplysoriya · 4 years

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The Water Blade of Weishu, Pt.1

“When the world was young and Pandaria was far less peaceful, when legends walked the earth, there were smiths who forged powerful weapons able to harness great strength. Before the days when monks knew how to harness the power of the elements, these forgemasters would create these weapons that would help them channel that power using sacred resources found here in Pandaria itself.”

“Over the years these masters of their craft became rarer and rarer as the need for elemental weapons began to dwindle. An unprecedented era of peace made them obsolete. Their craft no more sought after then for collectors. Their weapons lining display rooms rather than fulfilling their purpose.”

“Eras passed as the practice quietly ended. Only a few today still know the old ways of folding primal powers into steel in such a way to strengthen it’s user. Embolden the wielder to reach new heights. It has been far too long since I’ve seen such.”

“There’s an old Jinyu who lives in the western reaches of Kun-lai, up in the mountains. Weishu is his name. I must warn you that the trek is dangerous and the list of materials not easy to acquire… but if you wish to do this I will give you direction.”

“First you will need Elementium and Ghost Iron ore.”

The first task was easy enough. It wasn’t that she knew many who dug down into mine shafts all day, or even that she knew many who peddled it. Rather it was all about knowing the person who did.

“Hey dad?” Soriya piped up as the pair idled about the Jade temple.

“Yes muffin?”

She made a face as she reprimanded, “Don’t call me that.”

“Buttercup?”

“No.”

“Sunshine?”

“Okay, but you’re on thin ice.”

With a bright smirk that seemed exclusive to his kid Kirollis dipped his head down to hide it. Unable to deny the little interactions between them that made him happy as they played out on his face.

“What’s up?” asked Kirollis with no small amount of interest.

“Weeeeell… I need a favor.”

“I kind of figured.”

“Can you get me Ghost Iron and Elementium?” she posed with a bright, toothy smile. Knowing full well his weaknesses and how to work them.

Knitting his brows together in confusion, the rogue gave his daughter a questioning look. Soon, though, his thoughts caught up to him as he mouthed out an ‘ooooooh’. “Is this for your sword?”

“Yeah.”

“You will need a saya to hold the blade, a handle can be fashioned from the same material. Reinforced wood from the Jade Forest will suffice. You will find an old sycamore tree on the northmost mountains with branches plentiful for your needs.”

There was never any coaxing required once someone posed a trip to the Jade Forest. Never a complaint, nor a face made other than a smiling one. Even if there was a task, as a reason for her being there, Soriya never failed to drink in the sights of that ancient emerald forest, or take for granted the beauty of such a place.

The Tideview Thicket up in the northern most part of the forest was known for it’s thick and sturdy trees that stood near the cliffs. Their trunks and branches sturdy enough to stand the coastal wind that whipped up trying to unroot them. Another eternal fight of nature that had been a stalemate save for in hurricane season.

Walking down the beaten dirt path into the clearing, Soriya was instantly drawn to the pandarian well situated into the cliff face. It’s flat stones were carefully placed one after another until the enclosure was made, spouting water from a koi fish statue atop. Covered in trinkets from travellers, whether it was the paper lanterns with the soft orange glow, or the small bonsai trees carefully curated, or the thoughtful scrolls left for whoever would later find them. Littering the peaceful area and added some local personality.

Pulling a silver coin from her pocket, she tossed it haphazardly into the water with a ploop. Tightly squeezing her eyes shut, “I wish this was an easy task.” said Soriya under her breath.

Tipping her head back as she smiled on the simple wish, she was only greeted with the exact opposite as she reopened her eyes. Greeted with only the sight of a great sycamore tree perched up atop one of the mountain's pillars.

A laughing sigh pushed past her lips, “It’s never easy.” a jokingly defeated tone was laced in her words as she hung her head dejectedly.

Squaring up against the rock wall with her head directed up the near ten feet it would take to reach the clearing. Palms first she grasped onto a jutting rock, planting herself before her foot hiked up to find it’s own placement. Teal eyes scanned and searched for the next hold as she hoisted herself up step by step until she reached the plateau in question.

“Pure water from the Spring Eternal in the Terrace is an important ingredient.”

The Terrace of Endless Spring was a sanctuary in Pandaria. It was one of the few sacred locales. It was here that the Pandaran Emperor summoned the fabled mists that coated all of Pandaria, leaving it obscured to legend as far as the outside world was concerned. The very same staff he used to achieve such a feat had been stored there for generations.

It was one of the more ornate structures the land had to offer. With large spanning terraces over a sparkling lake like stages. Running water flanking the walls that encircled, endlessly running down like sheets.

She hadn’t been to the Terrace since the Sha had infested the countryside. Only those usually with official business could walk the grounds, especially after the destruction and recovery efforts that were still in place years later. But with everything happening in the Vale of Eternal Blossom? The guards were left woefully understaffed.

“Hey, so, I need to get in there.” Soriya said with a bright smile as she approached the lone Pandarian left to watch over the place. Sending her pointer finger to inchworm toward the large gated door.

Gruffly the guard replied, “Nobody may enter without proper clearance.”

Disappointed by the straight denial given, Soriya tugged her lips to one side, “Grandmaster Zheng sent me to go get some water for a project he’s working on.” Tipping her head to the side in faux consideration she pondered aloud, “I mean I guess I could tell him I couldn’t get in. Maybe he would give me a written letter or something.”

“Zheng?” The guard repeated with the hitch of worry in his voice. “Oh, no no. That wont be necessary. Make it quick though, please.”

With a confident smile that her ruse had worked, Soriya skipped right past the guard, through the archways, and started down the massive steps that led to the first level of the spring.

It didn’t take her long to collect a small vial of the clearest water she had ever seen. Hanging herself from the edges of the stage as she plunged the container beneath the surface.

“Finally you will need a Koi fish.”

“A Koi?” Soriya repeated with her auburn brows knit.

“Yes.”

“What component of a sword does that make?” She questioned.

“It is not for me to say. Only Weishu can tell you what the Koi is for. But I must warn you that it will not be an easy task. Travelling with a live fish up a frozen mountain will bring with it many challenges.”

He was right to warn her, of course, as she felt the biting mountain air found nowhere to break once the summit was reached. Draining all the warmth from her cheeks until that cold seeped into her bones, despite bundling against this very thing.

A wicker basket was strapped to her back as she trudged through the snow covered mountain peaks. The hardest part was finding a way to keep the Koi inside warm. With smooth stones enchanted for heating and insulation between the wicker and the lining within was enough to keep the fish alive. But it was a progressive challenge where several times she had to rearrange the stones, adding or subtracting depending on the weather and conditions of her hike.

Though she wouldn’t let the challenge stop her, if anything it made her push harder into the frozen tundra of Pandaria where few ventured.

As much as she wanted to dwell on the events of the Vale, the journey through Pandaria evoked emotions within her that she hadn’t felt since her first time wandering the island. Slowly she began to realize that this task may not have been about a weapon, entirely, but instead a tour to remind her what she was fighting for.

Abruptly a collection of harrowing howls rumbled and echoed from the mountain, shaking the monk from her abstract thoughts.

Teal eyes scanned over the hills nearest to her, finding nothing there. Even if she knew exactly what it was. It wasn’t the first time Soriya had tangled with aggressive local wildlife. She knew the howl of wolves, even if she couldn’t see them.

Slowly and deliberately Soriya reached her hand back to remove the bo-staff she had brought with her as the first of the pack emerged from behind a snow bank.

Black fur and a drooling snarl to display it’s teeth toward the perceived prey. Lanky and gangling the scrawny wolf hadn’t looked like it had eaten in months. Muscles and sinew clung to the bone as if it would fall off if not. The winter must have been tough for the out of place pack.

Stepping forward to charge the wolf, Soriya was halted only by the sound of sloshing water from behind her. Stupid, she thought, quickly realizing that the normal acrobatics of her fighting style wouldn’t save the Koi from flying out of it’s new found home. She would have to be slow, let them come to her.

A second wolf appeared from behind her, snarling a growl that caused the monk to look over her shoulder.

With her attention shifted, the first wolf began to gallop toward her.

Focus… she thought to herself. Her eyes snapping back to the charging beast.

Firmly she planted the pole-arm into the soft snow. Waiting for her opportunity… and when the wolf was close enough, a foot shot out to kick the bottom of the bar. Sending it’s blunt but weighted edge timed perfectly to crop up right under the wolves jaw, forcing that snarling maw closed as the creature flipped backward with the weight behind the strike.

The second wolf joined the fray, rushing to come at her from behind. This time Soriya was ready, her staff already flowing around in circular patterns- the momentum never seeming to cease.

With her hand gripped firmly at one edge of the staff, Soriya used the ball of her foot to pivot in a circle as the staff followed along in her arc, extended out a safe distance from her only to catch that second wolf right in the side of the head and forcing it to abandon it’s charge.

“We can’t like talk this over right? I might have some jerky in my pack. I promise I don’t taste all that good.” Her joking pleas fell on deaf ears as the wolves both recovered to all fours with a rolling growl.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Once more the wolves sought to make a meal of the monk as they leapt at her in opposite directions. Soriya proved to be too quick as she ducked beneath the rabid leaps, using her staff as a lever to knock both animals in the snout and away from landing on her. Producing a pained cry from either.

Sloshing of fresh water against the snow once more reminded her of her task, and how close she was to completing it. How she would have to go all the way back down the mountain just to retrieve another Koi, only to come right back up with it. An outcome she would avoid if she could. She knew she had to end this quickly.

Rearing back to a standing position she once more twirled her staff. This time using the butted ends of them to send a piercing strike between the closest wolves eyes. Sending the creature reeling as it shrunk back away from it’s target.

The second wolf, however, was far more cunning as it slipped in quietly to sink it’s fangs into her shin.

Soriya yelped out in pain, “Gah! FUuuuuu…-” biting her lip to prevent the pain as the wolf squeezed tighter on it’s latch.

“Let go!” She shouted as she hiked her staff above her head to slam down onto the wolf. Yet it still didn’t release it’s grasp on her.

Meanwhile the second wolf, recovered now from the harrowing hit to face, receded back to it’s haunches before leaping at the monk. Razor sharp claws drawing blood in four distinct lines of her shoulder blade.

Soriya was pushed forward. Feeling wet on her back it didn’t take long for her to figure that the basket she carried once more spilled from the crease between the lid and container. The moisture was already growing cold as it seeped into her armor uncomfortably.

She knew she had to do something. There was no way she could keep this up while keeping the Koi safe. She had to end the encounter, and end it quickly. Stabbing her staff into the ground the monk took on a fighting stance.

One wolf mimic’d her as it bore it’s fangs in her direction. Leaping soon after to try and tackle down the monk and leave her at the mercy of it’s biting fangs.

This time, however, Soriya saw it coming. A new look of focus on her face as she sidestepped the wolf. Hands as fast as lightening as she grappled the nape of it’s neck before sending a punch charged with the white outline of chi into it’s side with a bone cracking sound.

It lurched backward, wounded and without interest in the far too difficult food. Stumbling and limping away from the area. The second wolf, watching as the undoubted alpha whimpered away seemed to follow in suit. Luckily for her, it released her shin right then and there.

Her guard was still up, waiting, watching as the pair of wolves scampered with their tails between their legs.

An exasperated breath was blown through her lips with an uncaring raspberry that was far from intentional. Letting her hands drop back down to her sides the monk caught her breath before checking on the Koi, two hands reaching backward to find the bottom of the basket before she gave it a weight check.

“Do you see what I do for you Icabob? Do you see this hard work I’m putting in just so you can see the top of a mountain? You better appreciate this.” She spoke directly to the fish itself, which, apparently she had named Icabob in their travels together.

#canon #stories #soriya #vale of eternal nightmare #plotline

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emptymanuscript · 4 years

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Thinking about Trigger Warnings

I want to say I have had a grand epiphany of understanding about TRIGGER WARNINGS but i think it is actually less that I get it now and more that I am just feeling like I have a new way of looking at it this morning. And good lord this turned out long >_< ack.

I have had a fairly specific ambivalence about trigger warnings for a while now. I am, in general, for their use but I also believe the majority onus is on the consumer. So, think of a movie rating or a genre. I believe I as a creator have some responsibility to say, “This is an R-rated Urban Fantasy.” Sometimes I am successful at communicating that, sometimes I am not, but it is important that I try. Selfishly, because the most important thing for me to do is to get my story in front of the right eyes. Responsibly, because people have the right to read what they want. The corollary being that they have the right to not read what they don’t want. I am, at my most basic, an entertainer. And if you can’t choose your entertainment, it kind of ceases to be entertainment. Choice is a basic requirement.

My ambivalence has rested in two areas.

Firstly.

Many many years ago now, in the late 90′s some time, reading a NSFW forum, which was in the habit of marking discussions with content advisory since it was NSFW anyway. Such as m/f, f/f, m/m, I encountered a specifically unlabeled post. The poster stated in a preamble of the length that people who have followed me for a while will be used to, that they refused to use the labels because they felt that it was:

1) An absence of label was a kind of label, in and of itself, it declared that it was not safe, so it was on me, the reader, to decide if I was up to that or not. If I was not up to the risk then it was my responsibility to forego reading an unlabeled post.

2) It is to some degree the responsibility of creators of any kind to push at boundaries. For instance, if I, as a creator, want to address racism, sexism, homophobia, biphobia (which, from this distance, I’m fairly certain was what the person who wrote the post was trying to address without having the necsessary terms for it), etc. then part of what I am trying to do is push people to where they aren’t necessarily willing to go. Because that’s how you get them to engage with what they haven’t been willing to engage with. It is the principle of Art exists to comfort the disturb but also to disturb the comfortable.

3) Readers have the option to quit. Try it, you might like it. Or you might legitimately hate it. But they will never know for sure until they try. And all the labeling was a way for people to refuse to engage in anything that they had a culturally imposed immediate negative reaction to, instead of figuring out for themselves what they life.

And, you know, that all rang pretty true to me. I get that. And they never argued that people shouldn’t label, just that they as the creator should have the right to say, no content labels, and have that also be a valid choice. Which I remember thinking at the time: fair enough, and reading the rest of the post. Most of which I have now forgotten. And the rest of the content isn’t applicable anyway.

Secondly

When all is said and done, I’m an academic. You really want to get me depressed, ask how long ago I taught my last college class. It’s been long enough that I’m toying with the idea of just trying to teach a class for free in order to try and remember what the hell I’m supposed to do. But the real point is that I tend to favor academic goals.

The role of Academia is the very opposite of safety. While you can use Academia to make the world safer, and establish safety within the confines of Academia, it’s basic goal is to expose the learner to things they have not been exposed to. That’s inherently not safe. When the learner has been exposed already to a subject, the goal of Academia is to deepen the learner’s knowledge past the point that they have understood to give them new ways of looking at the same problem. That’s inherently not safe.

To be honest, I learned everything I absolutely NEEDED to know about writing in the summer of 1992. I’ve spent the rest of the time iterating on, and delving deeper in to what you can do with it. It makes me very useful in writing groups. But it also makes me threatening from time to time. Because I do think about it all in a different way from most everybody else. Simply because I can think that way. I can make that connection so I do. Do you NEED it? Nah. Can it HELP, yep. Can it threaten your view of how the world should work? Absolutely. Which is exactly what makes me valuable.

But that leads us to the role of Trigger Warnings in Academia. Can you put a safety on something that needs to be dangerous from certain aspects? It is the job of Academia to expose learners to things they would not willingly approach otherwise. BUT it is also the job of Academia, as much as many lesser teachers balk at it, to make learners WANT to expose themselves to even greater knowledge.

My favorite Professor of all time, whose classes I liked so much, I think I took seven courses from him, AND I even crashed the first day of his next class the quarter AFTER I graduated college because I just didn’t want to give his classes up, was a master of that. “Didn’t you graduate?” “Oh, I’m not here.” He made it very clear that his teachings were a jumping off point. His job wasn’t to teach us everything because there was absolutely no way he could. Instead he saw his job as teaching us ways to think about topics so that we could extrapolate that and think in that way about whatever we wanted. And, let me just say again he was my favorite and I am happy that he has retired and is living his life but also very sad that no one else is going to get to learn from him because he was just magnificent. And I still want to go back and crash some more courses from him.

I’m not him so I can’t speak to what he would do truthfully. But I think I can extrapolate his methodology to the issue. That it is the duty of the Academic to look at things awry. To see what you have seen from a different angle in a different light in order to see it not only more richly but more correctly. To have someone look at something awry is uncomfortable by its very nature, because we live in a house of cards that we HAVE to tell ourselves are bricks in order to go on with life. We’re turning over the card that looks like a brick and looking at the manufacturer information and different ways besides the one we have been using it for up until now that it can be employed. We are subtly but inevitably asking of ourselves how do we want to use this card now that we know it is not a brick. Suggesting each and every time that none of the cards protecting us are bricks and proving that the one we have pulled is just a card AND that it is optional. This is necessarily terrifying because it forces a question of not only what is reality but more specifically what is MY reality if I can just tear a piece of it out and do something else with it. So, to continue the goal of doing this, some basic measure of safety and reassurance is necessary in order to allow it to be done. If we assign tearing out a card and then allow just anything at all to attack through the hole that is left, the learner will HAVE to refuse to fully engage in the exercise for the purposes of self protection. This is logical. Take off a piece of armor and extra measures must be taken to protect the exposed part of the body. The question is not, IF precautions must be taken, the question is what are the best precautions to nurture looking awry at the subject of study.

Which leave me feeling ambivalent. Yes, you need to protect people. But the answer of how is something to look at awry itself. What is its purpose? And as an academic, I resist the idea that it is protect people from the danger of learning. It has to be for something else. And I just don’t know how to parse that.

Particularly thinking of a specific favorite class from an entirely different subject. One of the most interesting classes I ever took in college was on medical ethics. These days I have “Nazi” tagged out for myself and while I wasn’t as sensitive back then, I probably would have had it listed down as my trigger as well by that point as my thinking around them had turned. I definitely would not have willingly sought out learning about Nazi medical experimentation. But the class devoted to the Ethics of whether we should be using the knowledge gained by the Nazi medical experiments was truly one of the most fascinating group discussions I have ever been privileged to be a part of. Not the least because my expectations for how the discussion would go were utterly wrong. I am still fascinated by the fact that it was possible to draw racial lines through the class and with only the exception of the majority (white anglo-saxon protestant) see unified opinions. Of the 5 of us who were of Jewish descent, I expected that I would disagree with the rest. And no. We were absolutely unified and vociferous in the opinion that the research should be used. And every single one of us used our Jewish heritage as part of the argument. So that was a shock and it was a shock specifically about learning more details about a sensitive topic. So from that perspective, I am resistant to trigger warnings because I don’t want either myself or others to lose out on that sort of opportunity. That has made me see that there is value to going into things that are dangerous.

Moving on.

Ok, so those are my ambivalencies. But the wider truth is that I do see Trigger Warnings as a good thing. I see them as an indexing system that allows people to curate their own experiences and to be able to more fully use consent in their interactions. I’m for it. I just don’t know how to make that mesh with my other concerns above. I also don’t entirely know how to make it implementable. A creator simply can’t address every concern even though my gut says I should somehow try. And what even do you address as standards?

Things like “assault” seem obvious to address. But I was reading a piece last night, Why Trigger Warnings Don’t Work by Deb Stone (and hey here’s an opportunity for trigger warnings. The article makes more than passing mention of rape, abuse, and murder), and she was bringing up that very issue. That you can’t really know what an individual will be triggered by. One of hers, for instance, is Rompope, something like egg nog. Which makes perfect sense for her history but is not something you are likely to encounter as a trigger very often. So it isn’t terribly useful for the effort.

And, you know, I see that point. I can think of some of my own triggers that are extremely unlikely to be shared in exactly the same way, or to provoke the same response, or to affect a great many other people. I have had panic attacks around the concept of Being told to get better healthwise. That’s a thing for me, and I can’t even necessarily explain why. I wasn’t even aware of it as an issue until the first time I started to panic around it. So... yeah, that’s an issue. How do you work with that.

Because that was what I was reading about last night. Through the lens of consent in gaming. Reading about Lines and Veils as developed by Ron Edwards. And X-Cards by John Stavropoulos. And, yeah, Trigger Warnings. Because... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ why not, I guess. And someone, I want to say Stavropoulos, linked to Stone’s article as part of a reason for why they were using this particular solution instead of Trigger Warnings.

Part of Stone’s objection is that her experience of need doesn’t have to dealing with mentions. That mentions, if they affect her, are only to connect to the deeper trigger of a memory. So, it’s not the word, “Rompope,” but, if I understand her correctly, the smell, taste, experience of “Rompope.” Which I get but it’s also where I really started to part ways and object. Because I know sometimes for myself it absolutely is written and has no attachment to memory. Some of my freakouts are absolutely abstract. And if her personal experience is a valid argument, then so is mine. It doesn’t cancel hers out but neither does hers cancel mine. It is an AND. One is true AND the other is true. Which means that while Trigger Warnings may not work for her, and that’s fine, that doesn’t remove the obligation to give them to the people who DO need them.

It’s an interesting piece. I don’t think Stone’s heart is in the wrong place, at least not as evidenced by the piece itself or the comments. But I think there are some profound misconceptions in it. Not because she has been free from abuse, she hasn’t, but because she makes a fundamental and very dangerous assumption for the kind of piece that she’s writing. And it starts with the above. She has known trauma, has experienced traumatization, and therefore knows what it is to be traumatized. And that’s where I disconnect because that’s a lesson I am struggling with right now.

I know how I feel from my own mental health issues. When someone else states how they feel from their own mental health issues, because of my own, I am in a place where I can contribute to their thinking. I can offer another applicable perspective. That’s true. Unfortunately, something I tend to do, and encounter other people doing, that is a false perspective, is to assume that my own mental health issues are functionally identical to someone else’s and therefore I understand them. Sometimes it is even worse. Not only do I understand but, because I am an “unbiased” outsider looking in, I can see the other person’s problems better than they can. “I know you better than you know yourself.” Which leads very quickly to, “I know what is best for you.”

Stone goes on to quote the National Center for Health about the recommendations for dealing with PTSD... and all I could think reading all that advice and why it was supposedly saying that she was right was: you’re not a doctor.

And then I turned that around on myself. I am the child of a doctor. I have a lovely worthless piece of paper granting me an honorary doctorate. I took one pre-med class in college. I’m swiftly approaching 20 years in therapy myself. Not in a row, thankfully. My sister just gave me her old copy of the DSM-4 which I have lusted after since long before the internet age. I read a lot. I watch a lot of videos. I like research. I’ve thought a lot about all this. None of which makes me a doctor. Not one damn thing and not one damn little bit. I’m not a doctor. I don’t know what is best for you. Any of YOU.

I remember getting into an argument with... actually screw it I don’t remember the argument, just the fall out. I was arguing about how the heart functioned, explaining it. Correcting. Based on what I had learned wherever, however. I dunno. My father, listening to it was growing agitated enough that my mother finally interfered and asked what’s wrong. And he talked about how upset it made him that this was going on. That I was correcting how the heart works as if I knew something just because I had read a text book. And no one was turning to him even though he was a practicing liscensed physician. I had read maybe a dozen books that glancingly mentioned the heart. He had not only read but been tested, repeatedly, on a whole wall of books, some of which dealt exclusively with the heart. But mostly it was the practice. I was spouting out of some book as if it was the torah. He dealt with patients. He healed people. He had been doing more than twice as long as I had been alive and was respected in his field of other people who had comparable experience and knowledge. But Somehow I knew best. What bothered him was that I should try to put myself forward as an expert when I wasn’t, not even a little, my argument was actually dead wrong, and would kill a patient if they followed it, no matter what my high school biology text book said. And he was an expert and hadn’t been asked because it was in the book so I hadn’t bothered to consider that there might be more. He was a doctor, I wasn’t.

And, to some degree, I think that’s what is hitting me today about trigger warnings. I’m not a doctor. I am not responsible for getting people’s care correct. I am not qualified. I am not qualified to say that trigger warnings are good or bad from a medical perspective. No more than most of the people writing essays about them.

Which, to be honest, I find terrifying. Because i raised by my dad, and I wanna fucking know THE answer. I want the right answer. I want to be sure that it is the right answer. And I want to act as much as I am able according to the right answer. To step back and say, I’m not an expert, I not only don’t know, I can’t know, and exercising that responsibility is dangerous... yeah, I don’t like that. Not at all.

But I think it lets me see better what my responsibilities actually are. If I’m not an expert. If I don’t know and can’t know. Then what am I and what should I do? Well... I am human. I think if people generally tell me that their life would be better with a thing and the doing of it is only of minimal inconvenience to me, then I think doing it is the human thing to do. I don’t need Trigger Warnings, mostly, MOSTLY, but if other people need them... ok. If I notice and remember, that’s what... for a book maybe an hour of extra work compared to the years I put in otherwise. That strikes me as a fair request of a fellow human. If I’m spending a profound amount of time trying to entertain you, I could spend a very little amount of time trying to make extra sure you know if you won’t be entertained. It’s low star rating insurance. And, you know, I’m predisposed to think kindly of anyone who will pick up my fiction anyway. I don’t have to need something in order to understand that someone else I like does need it and to want them to have it if it can be done. It’s a nice change that it is even possible. Ok.

And, yeah, I index anyway. I’m trying to make sure it gets to the right people who will like it and not to the people who won’t. This is just an extension of that.

Plus there is just consent. I’m obsessing over it a little because of the Insight program and the discussion over it. Stone phrases her distaste for Trigger Warnings as a distaste for protectionism.

The individual is in charge of each word he or she reads. At any time, one may close a book or click a screen shut on the computer. What is safer than that? Conversely, trigger warnings perpetuate avoidance. Because the intrusive memories and thoughts are internal, trigger warnings suggest, “Wait! Don’t go here. I need to protect you from yourself.”

If I am responsible for your protection, that is a consideration. If I am protecting people, then it is part of my duty of care to make sure that what a person needs not to happen doesn’t happen, and that what needs to happen does. Both are true.

But if I’m just a human working with other humans, that’s not my responsibility. I just have to let you govern yourself because I’m not in charge of you. Yes, that does mean I don’t HAVE to put on trigger warnings. I have to immediately write I’m going to because I feel myself starting to panic over that statement. I’m just saying that I have choice and I CHOOSE to do them because they fit with my values. It’s not a responsibility, it’s something I WANT to do because I want people to feel safe and like they don’t have to worry in that regard. I want to live in the kind of world where we consider each other, so I’ll try. I was going to try anyway. I’m just changing my view to seeing that as not a rule but as a goal.

And while Stone rightly points out that people always have the right to stop. She unduly dismisses the corollary. If someone has the right to control their media consumption, than they can just as easily click through. I do it all the time. I have blocked Tumblr Savior or whatever it is right now. I’ve got my blacklist. And when I see someone I follow cut out for that word... well I know that person. I know in the majority what they post. I know if I am likely to get something I don’t want to read or if it will probably be ok, or if I am just ok today. And if I feel good to go, I do click it. ALL THE TIME. It’s just my choice. I choose what I block, I choose what I accept, and I make the call instead of letting someone else make it for me. I have the right to completely ignore the trigger warnings. I mostly do. I don’t see how that is driving me away from content harder than lack of them is driving me toward content.

Down in the comments section. Several people make similar points to all this. But she replies to one:

I feel like what I don’t understand is why a person keeps reading if it is not safe for them. Each word leads one further along a story path. Each sentence builds. It’s different than a sudden image that flashes on television for a couple seconds and you could not turn away quickly enough.

I’m confused and fascinated that people think that rather than turn their own eyes away until they choose, people believe the writer should warn the reader. I hear you say it gives the reader a choice. To me, it seems like each word gives you a choice.

And this goes right into the heart of where I am with Insight. The assumption here is that we are playing on an even playing field. The author has exactly as much power as the reader. And even though I view art as occurring at the moment of intercommunication between Author and Audience through the medium of the artifact. One of the ways I like to term it is Co-authorship. I RELY on readers exercising creative power on the story in order to create the parts that I cannot. They are authoring part of the story because I quite purposefully didn’t because I know they will make up that particular part better for themselves than I could for them. That’s why I am so gung ho on the idea that readers are entitled to some creative ownership of story. Because I know for a damn fact that they did some of the work. BUT, and it never really counts before the but, I am not saying with that that readers are EQUAL creators with the Authors. It’s the same as an RPG. Players create a lot of the richness of the game world. GM’s rely on them. I think the game belongs to everyone. BUT the GM does MOST of the work and is therefore entitled to the most ownership because they are the main architect. No story is created on its own ex nihilo out of one person’s head. It doesn’t work that way. There are always, necessarily, many creators. But it is asymmetric. The author/gm has more power and that is agreed and intentional.

I, as the author, am responsible for making you as the reader pick up my story, and keep going long enough that you’ll pay me for it. That’s it. Everything else is tacked on shinies. The ultimate success is making you want to go on long enough and strong enough that you’ll pick up ANOTHER story by me and pay me for that one, too. Do I always succeed? Not even close. Do I always try? You better believe it. Because that’s literally my job. By try, I don’t just mean that I just do my best. No. I mean, that most of the time spent writing a story is spent, not on the story itself, but on every trick of the trade I know and can learn to accomplish the above goal. The Hidden and the Maiden as just a story, that’s it, done, goodbye, was finished in 2008. It took me to 2015 to re-engineer it to the point where I felt it would accomplish the goals of getting people to the end.

So think about that for a second. I spent seven years of my life, with the top goal of my life at the time being to suck a reader in and not let them go, no matter what actually happens. One of the scenes I cut was a rape, that everyone that read hated and said needed to be cut, and not one person who got to it stopped reading it. Not one. Even with the rate of sexual assault among my social group which is... higher than average. Why did they read it? They hated it. Why not turn aside? Why not close the book?

Well, there are four possible explanations. They lied, and they really did like it, they were just too embarassed. No. Just no. They’re just too weak willed to protect themselves. I suppose that depends on definitions. They had agreed to read the book and so felt compelled by the psychology of obedience to fulfill their promise. I’ll come back to that in a sec. I had put enough effort and energy into the writing of it that they didn’t feel able to look away. I’ll come back to this in a second, too.

Both of the explanations I said I’ll come back to have to do with asymmetric consent. I have more power and so can get you to do something that you would not consent to do if I had less. The first is a way to dominate a person through social convention. How many times have you felt that you MUST complete a book because you started it, even though you hated it? That’s the social convention that you have to finish what you start. AND the social convention that the written word is valuable even if you don’t agree with it. The second is just plain old manipulation. If anyone has ever seen Blade Runner and wondered what the hell was going on with the “romance” between Deckard and Rachel, which is exacerbated with the second film, that’s this. The story tries to manipulate you to feel a way about a situation which you might not feel at all under different circumstances. Blade Runner is a great example because it looks weird. It is supposed to be a romance. But the actors loathe each other to the point that you can tell even in the finished film that something really not right is happening. But how many people throw a fit in the next movie when Deckard and Rachel have had a child and Deckard talks about how much he loved Rachel? Only the people who had spent too long analyzing the first film. They had a life together. Yeah, sure. Ok. Whatever. I suppose. The films are set up so that looks reasonable. You would say something very different in other circumstances.

In other words, I’ve got my finger on the scales. I’m not playing fair. I’m specifically trying not to give readers the choice to put a story down. There’s a limited amount I can do in order to accomplish that. And, yes, everyone has free will. But the idea that it is a fair fight between us seems disingenuous to me. It’s not fair if you want to come have fun with me and I am pushing as hard as I can to make everything as fun as I can to then expect that when I put in the one horrible thing you can’t stand for just a few mintues you’ll have the right boundaries set in the right places to reject that.

Worse, and the same thing that enrages me about insight, this is fundamentally about the experiences of people whose boundaries are suboptimal. People who don’t need trigger warnings don’t care about trigger warnings except as it represents a changing world. How does it impact them? 0. People who do need them, need them because they have suboptimal boundaries against what is bothering them. They will, necessarily, be at more risk of harm by the same input. Will they necessarily be harmed by the trigger? No. But that’s the argument that everyone besides the person is unqualified to make the determination of risk for them. Only they can know, so it should be up to them. But as is, it’s not. Insight targets people who are in trouble. I target whoever picks up my book and starts to read. So, there needs to be something in between the players to try and balance that out.

And that’s not new. What’s different is this specific tool. People have traditionally, and still mostly rely on the recommendations of friends to get their stories. Their friends know them. They’ll avoid what they know bothers them. And the person won’t accept recommendations from the friend who they know doesn’t get this part of things. Something stands in the way between the thing actively trying to drive your eyes and your eyes. This really is only a different tool. And one that can be implemented with more care. Because it is giving more tools to the individual. Used broadly, it even allows people of particular vulnerability to try unrecommended books in a safer way.

The thing between whatever it is, is the leveler. Nothing else is. Because once play begins, you are playing on the field as made, and it was made to accomplish a particular design. Not playing is fine. But it assumes that people are capable of not playing when the people under discussion have already stated that they have a vulnerability. AND it assumes that the field isn’t designed to keep people playing, which I know for a fact isn’t true. Everything you have started reading, hated, and finished reading anyway is proof that the field is arranged to keep you playing whether you want to or not.

#long #trigger warnings #thinking out loud #self reflection

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jobtypeblog · 5 years

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As a label we have made efforts to properly engage in marketing bureaucracy and online visibility tactics that are required if you wish to engage certain audiences with your brand (especially younger internet-integrated generations). However, for creative satisfaction, and as experimental speculation with these micro-capitalist tendencies, as a transmitter of audio/visual media, we confront the orthodox of music marketing and media consumption by subverting these conventions in through poster design and music branding. We have continuously worked very closely with Gabriel Thomas, a visual graphics designer and 3D animator who has been instrumental in developing the accompanying visual language to our sound work. With 3D clay simulation software, we have designed typography and graphics that presents our collective warped vision of futurism and accelerated rave culture. We take inspiration from the radical science fictional and virtual visual styles of techno EDM music that has evolved through the 20th and 21st centuries. Below are some scans from a book titled Techno Style: The Album Cover Art, put together by Martin Pesch in 2003:

Below this is the artwork for DJ Haus’ Artifical Intelligence EP on Rinse:

Below are various Slump Sounds visual materials, flyer posters and visual branding eperiements:

^The above typographical experiments quite literally embody a visual comment market capitalist consumerist branding, by integrating the words ‘YOU MUST CONSUME’ backwards within the name ‘SLUMP SOUNDS’. To this end, we started plans for a website (shown below), and with Gabriel’s experience in web design assistance, have put together a conceptual mock-up that successfully incorporates the virtual potential of digital software and immersive screen art with DIY cyber-punk imagery. The visual concept is to can be accessed here: https://elated-shirley-a5af24.netlify.com/

These are collaborative efforts that involve a dialogue with Gabriel and direction from me and Al on the visual concepts behind the website, and though i consider this project a successful ongoing collaboration that will form a major part of my sonic practice, and that of the future of Slump Sounds, I am personally relatively unexperienced with design software and coding. Therefore I wanted to explore an alternative avenue of creativity, with the intention of a decidedly lower-fidelity visual language as a possibility for my final graduation exhibition in April. I have been drawn towards physical and more laborious methodologies of visual and sonic art, such as collage, printing, zine-making and sound production using analog hardware, without the need of a laptop. This sensibility can be seen in the virtualisation of non-virtual things such as graffiti or a marsh.

The search for meaningful and creatively satisfying sound work has led me to the world of analog art and audio programming with physical machines and tactile buttons and nobs. Admittedly, I’ve been very slow to embrace the potential of analog gear for a long time. I believe this has something to do with a sense of not believing myself to be as scientifically inclined as I felt was needed, or feeling the need to learn more about the engineering and mathematics of synthesis or sequencing. In hindsight, this is an unproductive outlook, especially considering the lineage of radical electronic artworks that were born from mistakes or glitches in systems of sound creation and reproduction that characterises a cyberpunk reading of experimental music. This desire intensified through a process of familiarising myself with pre-digital sound gear; what began as the need to hear cassettes and not owning a cassette deck, which forced me to choose one, locate it, buy it, and figure out how to get it to play what I wanted to hear, which then turned into vinyl and a mixer, and then cheap and simple drum machines. It still remains a part of my practice that I believe requires much more actual play and practice time... Still I contemplate the elusive nature of analog signal processing as when I first played a Casio electric keyboard at a young age. It is important to point out, however, that this does not thus lend me a masterful understanding of digital media processing either, only an ability to abuse to it to my own indulgent ends. Any effort to demystify this practice is a step in a right direction. Since my introduction to the keyboard, I can say for certain that my interest in electronic sound production and the history over human-machine interaction that defines parts contemporary society and techno-futurism has become a creative obsession. To live and work with meaningful creative disposition within the modernity of media noise and cultural saturation, and having been introduced to the infinite-possibility blank canvases of digital audio work stations at an early age, where my lateral creative mind quickly fostered an addiction to the stress of sonic novelty, erratic compositions that quickly deconstructed or changed an idea or process without allowing time for deep listening or trance-inducing sonic immersion, it has become impertinent for me to seek more visceral, authentic and tactile methodologies. Efforts to correct this habit of laptop art-making are a defining feature of my current personal interests, and my efforts to engage in a more authentically rooted and personal relationship to my sonic practice, extending beyond music and sound production into physical and visual art practices that steer clear from the transience of digital media online allow me to distance myself when I want to from digital work. My peers and I working within Slump Sounds are slowly making progress with collaborative analogue hardware production systems and studio building. Money and time are major factors in this process, though, as Simon Reynolds explains in his lecture on DIY, in some ways the romanticism of investing resources into more meaningful outcomes more appropriately reflects ‘a convergence of energies and passions‘. On the rare occasion I can return to Leeds during term time for longer than a day, I take the oppurtunity to connect with the label crew to work on the upcoming releases and discuss label business. Al owns a Roland SP808, an Arturia Microbrute and some decent speakers. I brought along my Korg Volca Beats, a reverb pedal and a folder of samples and noises from my own work and sampled from floppy disks and youtube videos. The attached Soundcloud file at the beginning of this post contains the resulting noises we made over about an hour of twiddling and listening. To me the sounds are an evocation of our collective interelations with Grime, Electro and DIY electronics. At the time we discussed as much as we could about the potential of performing with such a setup, and how possible it would be to get a project like that underway, with a focus on the ‘total package’ concept of physical releases, sleeve inserts, flyer promotion etc. that was conceptually a step back from the hyper aesthetics and digital marketting of Slump Sounds. We shared our fascinations with symbolism and aesthetic reflections of experimental arts cultures and avant-garde modes of living, carried through subversive strategies of music branding with the politics of contemporary DIY culture and cyberpunk. In an age characterised by rampant commercialism and media saturation, to what end can alternative practices provide meaning or transcendence from societal norms? Our decision was to begin developing a more DIY post-punk inspired subgroup uber the banner of Slump Sounds, where we could experiment with tactile art-making and more ambitiously conceptual projects not necessarily intended for club systems or commercial profit - enter, LosBundazGanks.

During this session, I talked with Al about my visual investigations into truth, hyperreality and simulation for my Major Research Project, and we decided to begin working on and combining the sounds we were producing with the visuals I have been collecting and researching. Of the 300 hundred or so images that we curated, all of them relate in some form to the idea of simulation and reproduction. The examples below consist of digital cuttings from an online version of the Official Gazette of the United States Patent and Trademark Office: Trademarks, which were selected on the conditions of their visual or conceptual affiliation with the idea of simulation, truth or audio/visual fiction. My intrigue in the catalogue, which gives a written description of each logo, was in the symbiotic relationship between the written definitions and meanings of the symbols, which in turn represented aspects of market capitalism and commodification. These first drafts were then processed through effects on an old version of Microsoft Word. The ‘edges’ function can, with experimentation, produce a digitally rendered appearance of stamping or screenprinting, much like the DIY Zine making methods of hardcore music and art communities:

After this, we highlights the inherent entanglements of audsio/visual simulation and truth by juxtaposing these images with other found visual materials. The intention was to build moodboard for reference in the future when we will have the time and resources to develop the idea of a Los Bundaz Ganks physical release or performance.

This process has completely shaped my outlook for future projects, and I have decided to introduce a significant portion of this research into the ideas for the graduate exhibition in April. For an effective audio installation or performance, I consider it important to side-step the context of a gallery situation, which too often in my experience has provided little to no communication in some form other than the actual pieces/sculptures/sounds of the conceptual analogies or research methods that brought the artist to design/build/draw attention to in the first place.

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