#but instead I'm scrolling tumblr mindlessly

[dont-offend-the-bees]

ugh

[pisshandkerchief]

his ass is NOT drawing

[shadowmyst09]

When you want to do a thing, but there is also another fun thing that you could do. So you just end up doing a different boring thing instead beacuse you can't decide which fun thing you actually want to do.

[builtyouahousefromabrokenhome]

.

[cleanbonez]

it's crazy how useful brainwashing yourself to get you to do what you want is (lemme cook)

i went from having no disordered eating habits/no motivation to restrict, to eating under 1000/day because i uninstalled all social media and replaced the apps i mindlessly click on to tumblr and ana gcs (so i'm forced to look at skinny ppl and think about my life choices when i get bored instead of scrolling 💀)

specifically before i sleep and as soon as i wake up i look at thinspo and fatspo to reinforce the mentality i want

i look at thinspo while doing things that give me dopamine

i try and post regular public updates/make connections to help with accountability

i convinced myself that fried/fast food is disgusting through repetitive exposure to how the foods r made

and i replaced insta (my most used app) with duolingo so i can finally stop putting off learning spanish!! (off topic but still awesome to me)

-

obviously the bad thoughts of being unlovable and ugly play a big part but this has really helped me make a change, and i'm genuinely so proud of myself for sticking to it even for such a short time so far :)

not to mention that most of the ed community i've seen are so lovely + supportive and i wish the best for you all <33

[why-the-heck-not]

Hi! Do you have any tips to stopping mindlessly scrolling on social media (or phones in general)? 😅

honestly I'm not the best at this still. Like my screen time's still like 2-4h, but these are the things I've done that got it down from actually life threatening amounts

this is the main thing and also the most boring obvious one: delete all the apps that make u go to that "scrolling mindlessly"-mode. For me, was the basics like instagram, tiktok etc. My achilles' heel with this is this godforsaken app (tumblr), bc I keep redownloading it damnit

the approach is that if I'm gonna be consuming content, I'm gonna be mindful abt it, and not just hate-watch 3 negative video essays from Youtube in a row (my fave bc I'm a hater at heart). Instead, I'll watch a show I like, which actually works better at being a legit break-/chill-time, and doesn't fill me up with ''we're all fucked''-void. Actually sitting down to have the chill 20-40mins feels like a longer time than ad filled 20min x 3.

lots is bc of just getting so damn annoyed over ads that I close youtube the moment there is like 2 unskippable ads bc fuck u. Honestly I've gotten to the point I could just delete youtube as well just out of spite abt the fucking ads (hater at heart). So idk, start to develop a personal vendetta against ads, I guess

figuring out something to fill up the time bc realistically u won't just be studying/working more. My fave is walks (tho yeah that doesn't work if u have like a 5min time window; still don't know what to do with those hence redownloading Tumblr on for the third time in a day), and just sitting & thinking abt whatever the fuck is stuck there in my mind (braindead to say that "recently I've gotten into thinking" but like. yeah. (daydreaming is like a serious dear hobby to me))

podcasts are nice. Sure still is like somewhat social media thing-ish, but at least u can do something whilst listening to it. Like multitasking with a podcast & something stupid vs. my old habit of "gonna scroll a bit before starting to do this boring thing I don't wanna do". Doing the dishes and listening to a podcast is super chill

when there's the "gonna pick up my phone when I literally have no reason to & am just looking for any distraction": stop and reconsider like why are u doing that (with me, it's either I'm anxious, stressed or bored and there are better ways to deal with those. This is where the fan favorite of "sitting & thinking" comes in a lot of the times, which sometimes isn't much better and is sometimes detrimental to my wellbeing bc thought spiral, but hey nothing's perfect)

[icedmetaltea]

Hey all, just letting you know I’m doing ok. Finally caved and asked my sis to come help me clean and that helped a lot, she has adhd too so she gets the whole “task paralysis” and how overwhelming stuff gets, lots of other stuff I won’t get into, but I'm managing… also not sure about the future of this blog.

After having like a month away from the pressure of expectations, always worrying about how my art didn’t look good enough and worrying about what followers think, worried to fixate on a new fandom or whatnot, I really got into drawing again ironically enough. And not having to force myself like I have been for a while, like unable to stop myself, ideas just popping into my head one after another. It's been a while since I felt like that.

I want to keep sharing my art and rambling about the things I love, but I don’t want to feel the weight of expectations always pulling me into burnout town before I even realize it. Don’t want to have to second-guess myself, wondering what other people think, always feeling like I’m failing everyone.

So I’m sorta figuring stuff out. I'm not sure if I'll make a new blog or figure out a better way to manage stuff here... honestly, taking time away from tumblr in itself made me realize how much of an unhealthy addiction I had to it. Instead of mindlessly scrolling for hours, I have a lot more time for other things.

Thanks for sticking around while I sort through all this. It means a lot ❤️

[yukipri]

Wanted to make a quick apology.

There will be no Prime Override chapter update tonight.

Reasons are kinda depresso, so beneath cut. No need to read.

This week has been...rough. I wanted to bask in the satisfaction of having finished my May 4th art, but instead I've been spending every spare moment fighting art theft, some of the art that I'd literally just posted. I've filed numerous DMCA copyright takedown requests on Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest (well over a hundred here). I know there are more out there. I am exhausted, and it's a second type of burn out, a worse kind, on top of the burn out of drawing.

I wanted to apologize because this means that instead of drawing or writing, I was copy-pasting links and explaining to various social media staff why thieves shouldn't be allowed to post my work. How "do not repost" is on my watermark on my art itself, how it's on all my socials bios, how it's in my FAQ. Instead of drawing or writing, I had to read the comments other folks were giving people who did not contribute a single second to my work.

I was aiming to get a new chapter of the Prime Override out tonight, but I could not even start.

So yeah. I'm sorry. The emotional toll aside, the very real fear-of-safety anxiety aside (since, y'know, filing DMCAs essentially means doxxing yourself to every thief), this also just took up all the time I would have otherwise spent on art and, it didn't happen.

I also wanted to say thank you.

Many times this week I felt like an absolute idiot, a complete and utter fool for bothering to feel motivated and excited about creating, for being excited to share it, when this is the result. Especially after the marathon effort I'd just gone through...it felt like punishment, in a way, for daring to think my work is worth anything. I will, can, and have left fandoms in the past for art theft, and part of me wondered if the time had come for me this time as well.

In those times, I scrolled mindlessly through the comments y'all have left me. Both on my art posts, in the tags and such on Tumblr, and just going through all my fics on AO3, just kinda reading all the kind words you folks have left me on my work blearily through my tears, to remind me why it's worth it, and it's not just people who want to hurt me out there.

The vast majority of you are so kind, so generous, have taken the time to look at my work and give a like, a reblog, a kudos, a retweet, or the greatest gift in the form of your thoughts and allowing me to feel that I've connected with you.

So thank you. I've had a rough week, but I'll get back up again. I'll try to get out the next chapter, the next art, as soon as I am able. Until then, please know that I appreciate you, and I hope that my future work can mean something to you too.

[wings-of-ink]

If you're still looking for thoughts on Patreon: I haven't subscribed to many Patreons before, but so far it's been for extras + early access. Unfortunately I don't have enough money to subscribe to everyone I want to or for long periods of time, so I normally dip in for 1 or 2 months when something is released, cancel my subscription, and resubscribe at a later date.

It seems like people are willing to pay more for RO content (like side stories & RO POVs), nsfw content, + early access. So those might be ideal to place at higher tiers? I've also seen some creators do tiered early access. Like the highest tier will get the demo update 1 month early, then the next tier 3 weeks early, etc. with the lowest 1 week before it's released to the public. That might make the higher tiers worth it over the lower tiers, instead of giving them all the same amount of early access.

One concern is that some creators get burnout from having to create all the extra content for Patreon. I think a lot of people underestimate how much time & effort it takes and it may not be worth the payoff (depending on how successful the patreon is). I'd also be concerned that with Patreon extra content + multiple new WIPs there won't be much time left for the main game and it's likely progress will slow down. I've seen this happen many times before, even without Patreon it seems like most creators who have multiple WIPs don't end up finishing any of them.

Absolutely, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I appreciate that a lot.

The feedback I've had has given me some ideas on how to streamline what I would do. When I've done Patreon for others, I've rotated support between the projects that resonate with me the most as well. There's so many to pick from, I can't blame anyone for popping in once every so often instead of staying subbed. If you have the ability to afford it, more power to you, but most of us just don't.

Those key benefits are really what I'm wanting to focus on. I do like the idea of a tiered early-access too especially for peeps who just want that.

Patreon burnout is something I want to work hard to avoid; I've seen other creators struggle and stop enjoying their arts too. I want to do this in a way that I can produce things for you to enjoy in a way that is still enjoyable for me too. This is my passion and I don't want to turn it into "work."

I have the benefit of probably being less busy than most others who do this, at least as far as I can tell. I'm married with no children and no plans for any either. I'm older, out of college and settled in the drudges of a career. I've been at my job long enough I could do it in my sleep and it doesn't cause me a ton of stress at this point. When I work on the IF or on Tumblr, it's because I want to and it drives me - it's a form of entertainment for me as well. I'd rather do this than watch TV or scroll mindlessly. Even before I started the IF, I'd get comfy and just write something all evening, lol.

I do also have a tendency to take too much on because I get excited, so I'm using the info I've gathered to help me roll things back and keep myself realistic. So, I've determined that anything I do will be reserved to just a few tiers. We can always grow bigger later. I still do plan to rotate up to 3 projects. The second is to keep me from burnout on GC, and the 3rd is simply an outlet for me that I think others will find entertaining as well.

I have some solid time available coming up in October for me to hammer things out more definitely, so I'll be posting more around then about it. ^_^

Thanks again, my dear!

[meg2md]

My sleep schedule is just so fucked. Holy balls. I don't even know what to do with myself right now. It's 8 PM on a Friday and I crawled from the pits of Hell (sleep) around 7 PM. Ran to Dunkin', picked up an iced latte and an americano. And now I'm just... sitting at my PC. I want to do things but I don't want to do things.

I should tidy the floor, run the Roomba, do my laundry and dishes. I could work on my miscellaneous projects like my surgery video idea, surgical skills curriculum, residency application webinar, and research presentation. I need to pay my psychiatry bill. I could read for residency because I feel like I need to be more prepared before I start my first senior year. But it's a weekend. I should enjoy myself, play video games, read books. Eventually I want to go to the gym today to work on pull ups and associated exercises.

But instead I'm just on Tumblr and Instagram, mindlessly scrolling. I did pop my ADHD meds around 7 PM. I've been taking them all week but nights is such a weird place to be in to see if they really do anything/what I want. The first few days were awful, I felt wired for a few hours then nothing. Maybe I'm a little more focused and able to complete tasks, like writing long consult notes or working on academic things on night shift. Hard to say. The first night I took it was last week and I cleaned like a maniac for 3-4 hours then crashed... so we'll see if my body has settled at all today. I really hate this medication journey. I just wish I had something that worked. And I wish I knew what it was supposed to feel like when it was working. Oh well.

Here's to another weekend on a night shift schedule. Three weeks down, two to go.

[uchiha-gaeshi]

10, 13, 18 🙏

Thanks for the ask :)

Just as a warning, I ramble a lot, so be prepared for that. And if you (or anyone else who reads this) want to ask any follow up questions feel free :D

10: What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

Ok, so I've gotten really bad at doing the things I actually want to do in my free time because I usually spend that time thinking of what I want to do but instead scrolling social media. And it's weird too because right now I do have an abnormal amount of free time, but due to certain circumstances I can't really do everything I want with that time. At least with Tumblr, I'm engaging with things I actually like (vs mindlessly scrolling on TikTok).

Now that I've discovered that fandom is a thing, I think I'm trying to make up for all the years in middle/high school where I went "I can't do that, it's too cringe." Now here I am in my early 20s obsessing over Naruto. Idk if 10 year old me would be proud or disappointed...

Embarrassingly, I spend a bit too much time thinking of ideas for my Warring States/Founders era SI/OC fic I thought I was gonna start writing like 3 months ago. Thankfully, as I've let it marinate in my head it just gets better and better (read: crackier and crackier). Maybe if other people ask me about it, I might actually revisit my Google Doc dump and overcome the "he/she/they wouldn't say that" in my head (something something do it scared, tired). I also want to try my hand at drawing, and at least put a solid effort into it before I fully decide to quit haha.

In the past when I had my shit together, I spent a huge chunk of my free time in the gym training with free weights. Like, up until say 1-2 years ago I was a gym rat, and I might get back to that because my mental health was marginally better during those times.

I also spent a lot of that time invested in language learning activities. Back in high school, I spent a lot of time hyperfixating on my Mandarin homework/extra practise while neglecting my other homework (oops...), and that continued a little bit into my first year of university. I also took some classes in Japanese (I took about 4-5 semesters of Japanese), but I'm reeeallly rusty rn.

I'll definitely pick this back up in the near future, because it's lowkey been my dream to be a semi-polyglot. Idk what counts as "polyglot level", but if I get my executive functioning bullshit sorted out, I'd like to be proficient in Mandarin, Japanese, French, and maybe Spanish or German. Oh, also being able to speak Twi (one of the languages in Ghana) would be nice too.

13: Your dream place to visit.

Japan and Taiwan have been on my list of places to travel to since forever. I'd also like to explore other places around Canada (stuck in southern Ontario).

I'd also like to visit Ghana again someday, but mostly just to see long lost relatives and learn more about my culture (there's a whole thing of Ghanaians from abroad flooding back home during Christmas and it seems that locals have...mixed thoughts about that, but that's not really a topic I'm qualified to dive into in depth).

18: Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book?

Oof, so I am part of the majority of Americans who has not read (specifically original fiction) in an embarrassingly long time. In terms of original fiction, I really enjoyed what I read from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (was really disappointed to see her parroting terf talking points tho....). I read Americanah way back when and I really liked it. Tbh, reading actual books is on my never-ending to-do list of things I should do.

What I've *actually* been reading these days has been, you guessed it, fanfiction. Honestly, I think what brought me back to my years-long Naruto hyperfixation was some random youtube video/comment talking about fanfiction and AO3. So, me being me (I was going down like 3 rabbitholes at the time I think) I wanted to know more about this AO3 thing, so I explored some of the fics in the Naruto fandom (the first piece of media that came up in my head at the time). To keep a long story from getting any longer, I've been stuck here in this fandom for the past... 5 or so months now.

At the time, I was just reading through any fanfiction I came across, some good, some so-so, and some, in retrospect, pretty bad. But, one of my favourite fics has been Out of Time by Mari_kel (@mira--mira). I have to give it a re-read so that I can properly show my appreciation on the actual fic.

You can look at my AO3 profile for some fics I recommend/have publicly bookmarked (warning: most of them I believe are hashimada. I started getting in the habit of actually bookmarking/commenting once I bumped into that subfandom). Please ignore the unfinished crack multisaku/uchisaku fic under my profile (I don't ship Sakura with any of those characters, it was just something I thought would be funny. Once I actually come around with this writing thing, you'll see that a lot of shit in my fics is there just because I think it would be hilarious).

[mono-red-menace]

Im happy you're doing well Adi ❤ I wish you luck on your journey

thank you so much!

i'll be honest! i'm really scared right now, but i want to keep optimistic, yk?

focusing on how i can do better instead of what im doing wrong is i think the best course of action, yk?

shame and guilt at what you did wrong won't fix the situation, yk?

it's funny bc the staff kept putting like "pt reserved. pt refused to come to group. pt remained in room all day." in the notes as observation, which, fair, that is what i was doing,

but like, i can't really focus on my problems as well when I'm in a state like that at home, yk? it's too easy to fall into bad behaviours. but like. tangible punishment for hurting myself (embarrassment and being kept for longer than i want), an environment where i can't easily turn to my unhealthy coping mechanisms (scrolling mindlessly thru tumblr and youtube), and also just a different environment really helped me to sit and therapy talk to myself for a while.

i struggle to do that at home.

but it was really funny to see the staff in the notes basically saying "pt resisting treatment" in the notes. when i'm in there like. "this happened and made me feel this, so i did this, which caused this. if this happens again, maybe i can try this, instead" and challenging my negative thoughts directly and stuff.

like i know i know im not doing inpatient your (the facility's) way, but it's the only way i could handle things, yk? i can't do it your way, lol.

[lez-exclude-men]

I think I'm going to delete the tumblr app off my phone. I'll still have it on my desktop and tablet, but I'm hoping this will encourage me to disconnect more, or else read the ebooks I've borrowed in libby more frequently instead of just scrolling mindlessly all the time

[just-anka]

Hello tumblr! Once again it's been a while. I deleted the tumblr app off my phone a while ago (along with instagram) because I was spending way too much time and energy scrolling mindlessly, and I've been feeling a lot better that way. I do still occasionally check on people on the browser version haha but I miss posting on here and collecting all these little details of my life, so maybe I'll come back a bit more again. Idk.

Anyway, work is still a lot - I'm in the final six months of my PhD now and I'm really, really ready to get this thing done so I'm just working as hard as I can right now. It actually feels good to really put my focus into it and just do my best to take care of myself otherwise instead of always pushing everything at once. I do miss having more time and energy for other things, but when I try to work my hardest at work, skiing/climbing/cycling and writing all at once I just get burnt out, and after two years of essentially killing myself with all the things I wanted and did, it's been nice taking it a bit slower now. I haven't skied anywhere near as much this winter as I did the past two years, but that's okay. I'm finally starting to feel some psyche for running again - been a very long time since that fire has truly been there and I'm just enjoying it right now, even though I'm not running anywhere near as much as I used to. And I'm having a lot of fun climbing without trying to push too much. So it's all good.

Ben took three months of unpaid leave this winter to do a ski season and compete in freeride competitions, which was pretty awesome and I'm so happy he got to do that. It meant we spent most of the winter apart though, so when he came back last week I decided to take a few days off so we could spend some time together. All pretty last minute but we found this incredibly nice cosy airbnb chalet, in one of the most beautiful areas of our mountains that I've ever been to, and had a perfect mini holiday. Had lots of fun skiing and ski touring, but also resting and eating nice food and sitting by the wood stove and playing boardgames and catching up on time together. I came back feeling a lot better mentally, and more ready to give my all for work again.

[yunszn]

WHO THE HELL IS JAKE SIM?

04. keeho the ladies man

p sjy x fem!reader s a player you insult in a game turns out to also be a streamer, a very cute one w kissing wc 0.5k g smau , fluff 〰 mlist

You hear Jake sigh from behind you while you finish turning off your stream.

"Is everything okay?" you ask.

"Not really," he says. "My roommate is having some girls over and wants me to stay here for the night."

"Your roommate is that Keeho guy, right?" You question, trying to steal some time to think. You can't just leave him alone at night or have him bother his roommate. You know that would be awkward.

"Yeah, a ladies man, if you couldn't tell."

"You can stay here. It's fine with me. You'll have to take the couch, though, since we don't have any more beds besides mine and Karinas," you explain, and he nods in agreement.

"Thank you so much. I owe you big time," Jake exclaims, hugging you.

You do some chores after, and Jake runs after you like a dog. Somehow, the two of you end up sitting on your balcony, admiring the city lights.

"Thanks again for letting me stay here, Yn." Your heart jumps at the way he says your name, as it flows naturally off his tongue. He smiles at you widely and carefully moves closer.

"You know, I'm going to kick you out if you keep saying thank you," you joke, to which he laughs. "I'm being serious!" you say, hitting his shoulder.

It's nice being around him. Sometimes you feel like you've known him your whole life and not for a mere two weeks.

"I like being with you, honestly. It's so fun, I can't remember the last time I had a friend who wasn't Keeho," he admits, looking you in the eyes.

"Friend?" you ask, your hand sliding up his arm.

"Yeah, we're friends, right?" he replies, pretending to be oblivious to the situation.

You kiss him lightly, letting the taste of your lips linger. He smiles into the kiss, caressing your back simultaneously. The moment is broken when a notification sound comes from your phone. You sigh, looking at the message.

'Some of us are trying to sleep, Yn.'

You laugh at Karina's message, getting up to finally go inside. Jake looks at you confusedly, to which you just pull him to his feet, saying it's time for bed.

You snuggle up in your warm covers, but the thought of Jake doesn't leave your mind. He's probably going to break his poor back on that sofa.

Making your way through the darkness, you enter the living room. Jake is still awake, scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

"Get up," you order.

"What? Are you kicking me out for real now?" he pouts. "Where are we going?"

You drag him along to your room again, pushing him to lie on the bed.

"Sleep before I change my mind." Your voice comes out harsher than you meant it to. When you're back in your place, your mind is relieved, and you can finally go to sleep.

Sleep comes to you easily after you cozy up on a certain someone's chest. Jake notices but doesn't mind, instead pulling you closer in his embrace.

The next morning you wake up well-rested, but your bed is empty of one person. You find Karina in the kitchen, having her morning coffee.

"Good morning to you too, sleepy head!" she teases.

"Where's Jake?"

"Oh, he left earlier; he said he had some things to take care of," Karina explains, pouring you a cup of coffee as well.

Why did he have to leave so early? It's probably nothing.

PREV — NEXT

from z — first written part ayo

५ tags — @drunkenlydazed (send ask or msg to be added)

© yunszn on tumblr 2023

[roseverdict]

A New Normal

After the events of the Nether Battle, Mango and Purple try to figure out where they stand with each other. When Purple sees Mango as a father figure (and has serious baggage regarding parental authority) and Mango is still trying to regain control of his temper (after all, he'd been in a grief-stricken rage for months beforehand), however, things don't always go as planned.

Sometimes they react on instinct in the worst ways possible.

Also on AO3! link in rbs so tumblr doesn't hide this haha

so. i'm writing abt sticks now. the adhd event is UNREAL this month fdsahfjkslfhlsdj hurt/comfort bc i just Can't Not

〜

Mango flicked through his wallet and grimaced.

As it turned out, a side effect of pouring himself into his quest for vengeance had been focusing purely on that. Not on anything that could have happened after.

(Of course, Mango knew the real reason for his shortsightedness had been far more deliberate, but he didn't really want to unpack all of that quite yet.)

As a result, his spending habits had worked under the belief that he wouldn't need to worry about money once he finished the job. Getting ahold of a command block without going into Minecraft himself had cost him quite a pretty penny, and so had the constant purchases of metals and magics.

And yet, here he was, dethroned, directionless, and somehow done with his plans anyway.

His wallet and the measly handful of bills inside were mocking him.

He would need to figure out a way to build his savings back up, and fast, or else-

"Uh…hey, Mango," came Purple's voice from the kitchen/den/entryway, "did you want me to start on dinner? I think I'm getting pretty decent at boxed macaroni."

Mango closed his wallet and poked his head out from the bedroom hallway. "Sounds good. I'll be right out."

Purple nodded and walked just around the corner, and Mango heard them start running the faucet.

Mango stepped back and slumped against the wall. Hopefully he'd be able to scrape together enough for a grocery run soon; he wasn't sure how many more days in a row he could eat macaroni before he got sick of it.

With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and started scrolling through Stickdeed. There had to be something out there somewhere that paid enough to support two people instead of just one person- and one person who was able to cheat and spawn his own food into reality, at that.

He scrolled almost mindlessly past the dozens he'd already applied for in the past few days, already knowing that any more attempts would get him a "Sorry, you've already applied here!" page and nothing else. There looked to be one from a small, locally-owned business on the outskirts of town that had just opened up recently, so he sent in his resumé and went looking for the next one-

Something crashed to the ground in the kitchen with a clatter and a splat, and Purple yelped in surprise.

Mango was already scrambling out into the main room by the time he fully processed what he'd heard, and by that point he could already see the absolute mess of moist noodles on the floor, the newly-dented pot rolling slowly away, and the completely-frozen Purple standing between the sink and the stove.

No, wait, on a closer look, Purple was shaking slightly.

Oh boy.

"Purple?" asked Mango, carefully stepping forward.

As if jolted into motion, Purple dropped down to the floor and hastily started scooping the fallen pasta back into the pot. "I-it's fine, nothing's broken, haha, I just dropped it but I'll take care of it, I promise-"

"Purple, breathe," Mango pressed, stepping a little closer.

This got Purple to breathe, but much too quickly to be any good. "Y-you don't have to worry, I'll get this cleaned up and get dinner going i-in just a few!"

And in a moment that he immediately regretted, he snapped:

"Purple, listen to me!"

Purple went as still as a statue, then nodded meekly.

Right away, Mango wanted to hit himself. Barely a week after the Incident and he was already blowing it. Good going, genius.

He swallowed, then tried again. "Look, I promise I'm not mad at you. It's probably a good idea for you to go cool down a bit, alright? I'll get this cleaned up."

Blankly, Purple nodded, then got up and walked stiffly away.

Mango dropped his head into his hands.

He wasn't sure which would be worse: if he'd done all of that to Purple himself…

…or if somebody else had gotten the ball rolling for him.

Still, the mess wouldn't clean itself up.

Mango picked up where Purple had left off and scooped the remaining noodles into the dented pot, nearly scalding himself in doing so before he remembered he still had a roll of paper towel on the counter.

How hadn't Purple reacted to the heat of the water? Or of the noodles, for that matter-

-and that was enough thinking about that sort of thing for one night. He was already spiraling; he didn't need to make it worse.

A glint of light got in his eye when he shifted to collect the last few noodles, and when he looked for the source, the framed photo of himself and Goldenrod reflected the setting sun directly into his eyes.

Mango sighed, hefted the pot onto the counter, and picked up the frame.

Goldie sat on his shoulders, draping himself over Mango's head and waving to the camera with one hand. Mango himself was caught mid-laugh.

The two of them looked so happy.

What would his son think of him now?

He let himself sag a little, then steeled himself and marched himself to the bedroom hallway.

(Well, it felt like marching, anyway. To any outside observers, it probably would have looked more like a nervous shuffle.)

His own door was still closed, as it had been before, but Purple's door, usually open save for when they were trying to sleep, was closed as well.

Mango took a steadying breath, lifted his hand, and knocked gently. "Purple? You okay in there?"

"…yes."

Mango bit back the instinctive urge to point out how stilted their response had been and instead turned so his back was leaning against the door. "That's…that's good to hear."

God, how was conversation so difficult?!

"I, uh…I wanted to apologize," said Mango, fiddling with the frame in his hands. "I snapped at you earlier when you were already panicking. I, uh…I shouldn't have done that. I could probably blame it on my temper, but that wouldn't change the fact that I still raised my voice at you when it was the opposite of a good idea. I'm…I'm sorry, Purple."

There was no response.

Mango grimaced. "I…I can't guarantee that I won't slip up like that again. I think I'd been so focused on my plans for so long, it's…it's hard not to slide right back into that mindset. I can tell you that I'll try, however. You deserve at least that much."

Still nothing.

After a moment more, Mango slid down until he was sitting at the base of the door. With a bitter smile, he snorted. "Don't know why you stick around, honestly. I…I hurt you with a lot more than with a frustrated order. You didn't deserve any of it, but I still gave it to you anyway."

His mind helpfully brought up how often he'd snapped at, swiped at, and even (in one particular noteworthy instance) slammed Purple into the ground several stories below.

"You're a good kid, y'know that?" Mango was saying now, no longer quite as able to keep his mouth in check and scrubbing at his eyes with one hand. "You deserve so much better than an angry old man like me. I'm so sorry, kid, I-"

The door opened inwards, and Mango felt himself tip backwards for a moment ("Whoa-!") before he was being twisted around and clung to like a lifeline.

He swallowed the rising lump in his throat and shifted slightly so he could return Purple's hug without his lower back screaming at him.

Purple sniffled into his shoulder, then managed a quiet, "S'okay."

It really wasn't, said a part of Mango's mind that had been all-too-happy to come back to life that day in the Nether. The kid shouldn't be just accepting this, what the hell?! Who hurt them? Besides Mango himself, of course.

"…you wanna go out for dinner?" asked Mango unsurely. "Maybe…I don't know, pizza or something?"

Purple snorted wetly and nodded. "Sounds good. And…you're not that old."