#but its always worth the effort for someone u care about

[jellyfishjunkie]

very sad 90% (not all) of my relationships (friendship and otherwise) is reliant on just me making the first moves, whether it be texting first or even starting and maintaining conversations when we r in person. it's kinda so depressing and exhausting.

[ja3yun]

i am on a jay bender and have been obsessed more and more as the days go by. what do u think would he be like as a bf? 🥹

jay has been bias wrecking me like crazy and this will not be good for my health but lets go: again there is smut so mdni!!

jake vers. | sunghoon vers. | heeseung vers.

first and foremost, he is putting his soul effort into you from the moment of your first date. when he is looking for a girlfriend, its a long term deal, not a fling or a quick summer romance. jay dates to marry. it can come across a bit 'whoa' but listen, he wouldn't be overbearing about it! he just wants to know that when he finds a partner that the effort he puts in will be worth jt.

dates when you're in the talking stages/getting to know will be very thought out, each detail will be meticulously planned based on your interests. he would love taking you to museums, dinner, camping, i think any date in which he could sit down and speak to you would be ideal for him. jay values connection over everything else so getting to know you during these dates and momentsnare crucial.

once you are in a relationship he is all you could ever ask for!! he is supportive, loving, affectionate, headstrong, and everything in between. i can see him really working hard to maintain a positive and steady paced relationship. he won't rush into things, knowing that the relationship has infinite time to blossom and develop - it's like a good meal, you don't scoff it down but savour it.

although steady, he is affectionate and always with you any chance he gets. jay is sooo romantic, more romantic than any of the others. his heart is so big that he has infinite love to give you, he will work you around his schedule, no matter how tired, he will always make time out of his busy day to see you. if he is on tour or really can't see you for whatever reason, he is facetiming you or calling you.

more under cut

when he comes to visit you, this might be controversial bc a lot of people don't see him as a yapper but i think he tells you everything about his day, particularly how he felt about everything (tired, excited, whatever). i think he would feel so comfortable with you and trust you so much that he confides in you about everything. i do think he would hold some things back, just as a way not to worry you - like his knee, i think he would play it off as no big deal even if it hurt really bad that day; worrying you isn't on his list.

jay is so used to looking after others and independent that he is either going to go two ways: babying you or asking to be babied. if its the first one, i think it comes second nature to him, he would look after you and make a fuss, doing acts of service like tying your laces when they come undone, making sure you don't go overboard when drinking (i need him for that), and generally care about your well being. OR he is going to come to you to be looked after. he would want a partner sensitive to his feelings, someone who can have open conversations about them and validate him. something about him tells me that he likes to be pampered by his partner; sharing baths where you cuddle and wash him, massages, make him dinner when he has had a long schedule, i do think he would love a face mask night in w you. its all about give and take with him, but he definitely loves to give a lot more.

as i've mentioned, he is headstrong and has core values. if you don't allign, he will literally try and persuade you to see his side of things. he loves to argue and debate, not in a mean or offputting way but rather in a 'i have this opinion, tell me yours and we'll discuss it' kind of way. loves to learn and expand his mind regarding knowledge so if you are knowledgeable about the world or certain things, he would love to listen and learn, possibly going as far as researching the topic on his own time. again though, you aren't changing his mind on his values but he will understand your point if you share them in an articulate manner. if you respect his opinin, he will respect yours!

it is obvious but he is cooking for you!!! he will prepare your favourite meals and also let you venture something knew. he doesn't always like to do it on his own though and will set up fun little 'cooking classes' to teach you. he can be a bit bossy but it looks hot on him so you never mind it. you will buy him silly kitchen gags like 'kiss the chef' apron etc. which he hates but he wears because it makes you laugh.

will also play guitar on quiet nights in, just as backing music, not to impress you or gain attention. he would just strum the guitar while you read or whatever you like to do. it will be the backingtrack to your conversation and i think he would cherish the calm and easiness in the air.

you must get along with his family. no question about it, he is so close to them that if they didn't like you, it would really impact your relationship. i think he would try and persuade his parents and try his absolute hardest to help you all get along; he might plan meals or day trips with you all to bond you. same goes for your family, whatever parental/guardian/sibling you have, he wants to impress them and get along with them. he is a family man through and through.

speaking of which, would talk marriage and kids with you quite early on, just to establish if this is something you are wanting. i think for sure marriage has to be on the table but kids are a tricky one, i feel like he understands that it is you who would be carrying the child/or/adoption would always be a choice. it can't just be his decision, he loves you so much that he would settle for being an uncle rather than a dad if you truly didn't want children (please be real core <3)

kisses: i think he loves to kiss you but not randomly, like he won't grab your wrist and spin you around to lay a smooch, he is the type to nuzzle your nose and tell you how beautiful you look. his kisses are soft and gentle, his tongue tender against yours as he devours you completely. hands ALL OVER your body when he kisses, loves to feel you on his finger tips. secretly, along with quality time and gift giving, i think physical touch is a love language for him.

bowchikawowow: rough and sensual. jay is going to do everything you like because as your relationship grows, he is going to make sure that he knows every little pleasure point on your body. LOVES to hear you moan and encourages it. 'let me hear you, baby' and 'do you like that?' are constant sentences in the bedroom. doesn't do quickies, likes to go for as long as possible. he is terrible for edging you, pushing you to the edge of tears while he withdraws his touch, his smirk would be plastered on his face. he would tell you how good you are for him, 'just a little more, my baby can handle that, right?' and ofc you would say yes!! kisses all over your body, lips all over your chest and tummy, loves to just feel you (again, physical touch).

aftercare is so important to him but i think because he already likes to look after you, it would be so normal. makes you tea, kisses and cuddles, words of affection and admiration; whatever you need, he will do it!

again, these are my opinion and if you disagree you are more than welcome to let me know what you think!! i love hearing opinons 🙏🏻

[allthatmay]

how u charactirize the relationship between garp & ace? i personally think theyre quite complicated cause they love each other to the end of the world but also ace needs the touch of someone who is gentle enough to not break the fragile inside of his shell, which is something garp is just NOT dealing with. its a vicious circle where ace believes its his own fault for being so difficult while garp feels frustrated as he watches his grandson dig deeper into the hole.

this has been a bit of a ramble ... my apologies.

No, please, I love rambles! Rambling together is literally one of my top communication methods!

Right, so, I love Garp. He's such a shithead, but that's exactly what he's supposed to be. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, he's the reformist who can't stomach admitting that the entire system is flawed. Up close, he's a 'tough love, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, this is the way the world works' kind of guy, but he has to be like that precisely because he's a reformist. If he weren't like that—if he ever elected to wake up and smell the government-sanctioned genocide—his entire world would collapse, and he would have to face all the monumental, misguided fuck-ups he's made. If he's not a good man who has always tried his best for the sake of justice (however cruel that justice may be), then he's just a coward whose inaction (and sometimes direct action) has actively hurt his own family, and he can't face that.

Garp's relationships with Luffy and Ace reflect his thinking so clearly, but especially with Ace. Ace is a symbol of everything that goes against the system Garp is upholding, but he's also a victim of that system; it's more convenient for Garp to sequester him away and tell himself everything will be fine than it is to admit that Ace needs more. In my eyes, Garp absolutely loves Ace—in fact, I think his handling of Ace is so poor because of how much he loves him; Garp and Roger were friends, and Ace is his legacy.

Like you say, it's absolutely a viscous cycle between them. Garp, having all these complicated feelings, tries to prepare Ace for the people who will undoubtedly have similar feelings. Ace, a young boy who already feels like he doesn't fit in the world (no thanks to his unconventional upbringing), spirals every time Garp refuses to step up for him. I think a part of Garp hopes he can scare Ace into joining the Marines but, of course, he does the exact opposite.

As for Ace, he definitely loves Garp, and that's why I think Garp really did a number on him. Of course, Ace has Dadan, but she isn't a great parental figure. (Don't get me wrong, I love her and I know she loves Ace, but she's more like that cool, older babysitter that doesn't give it a shit what the kids do, as long as they're not dead.) Garp is the one who's supposed to be looking after Ace, and Ace knows that. He sees the lack of effort and care, and the way Garp can't really look at him. I bet Garp's infrequent comings and goings were harder for Ace to bear than simply being left alone.

This isn't even acknowledging that Garp's treatment of Ace isn't just neglectful, but absolutely callous. Telling a young boy that "only time will tell if he deserves to live" isn't just fatalistic, it's fatal. Ace takes this message to mean, "No actions I can take will have a bearing on the worth of my life," so he's robbed of his hope, of his desire to live; he thinks everything is pre-determined by the people around him, even his identity.

(Yet Ace goes about his life with utter patience and kindness anyway because he knows what it's like to go without them and he's desperate for love. God fucking damn it, Garp. You broke the boy.)

Anyway, I could go on, but I've said enough. Geez, now I'm the one apologising for rambling so much! Sorry! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PS. I know I said in another ask that my favourite characters were Ace, Luffy, Shanks, Mihawk, and Robin, but... I think Garp is up there, actually. Then again, so are Jinbe and Law and Kuma, so, really, I'm just full of shit.

[writing-whump]

forgive my 200 ask at the minute, but my brain is on fire. I just love your babies, so much. Alright, so would u ever be up for writing a moment where Isaiah actually has to use his shadow on another wolf, where all his soft skills in the world fail him (the other pack/wolf won't hear him) and he's forced to let the Executioner out in front of Matt and Sel?

And not even in a bad lighting (ofc Sel will be spooked regardless), but really just a small reminder this man IS super capable and badass, even if his shadow is lowkey falling apart.

asking for a friend 🙈🙈🙈

I need you too much

Seline always felt like she had to beat the world back with a stick sometimes, to conserve her energy levels.

Everything tried to syphon her. Every class, every homework, every person, everything needed for work. And that was fine, that's why she made sure to enjoy all those things as much as she could. Careful selection.

But she still needed those precious days where she could just stay in her room and do nothing. Just her thoughts, her books, some writing done, music and daydreams. No obligations, no socialising or putting herself together.

She needed to just be with herself to recharge her batteries.

And she was careful about that time even with Isaiah and Matt. While she made an effort to be present with them, whole-heartedly and completely, to make traditions, to spend time together, there were moments that were untouchable and only hers.

But now the most terrible feeling came upon her.

She wanted to spend the entire weekend with Isaiah.

She couldn't sleep that night, thinking of how much she didn't want to go back to the house or to her room or to her books, if she could just be with him. One more day. An extra day of the week.

It wasn't a thing she felt like she could say out loud without sounding insane. Every girl in her shoes would logically want to spend all her time with her boyfriend.

But Isaiah wasn't just in the category "interesting" or "not exhausting". He was category "share every thought with", "read him the best passage on the page" and "childish kind of delight" at just seeing his face.

This was terrible. Out of control terrible, horrible.

So instead of enjoying the evening and hurrying home from class, she sat down at the park next to uni and watched the trams. Sun came and went, twilight came and went and she couldn't make herself move. Afraid to go home; afraid to completely lose herself in that irresistible desire to see that man.

Oh, this was so so bad.

Seline refused to give someone that much power over her. To hurt her, to control her. She wasn't going to depend on anyone and even less on a guy. Her thoughts were supposed to be enough to make her happy - she was enough to make herself happy.

The streets were clearing out. Vienna wasn't particularly calm at night, but the vicinity of the main university building sure missed its students in these hours.

Seline almost didn't notice, except the trams weren't coming that often and the wind was starting to howl emptily.

She should go home. This wasn't particularly secure anymore. Not that she needed anyone to feel secure. No way.

"Ah, look at that. Isn't that Seline?"

Seline blinked, getting herself back in the present.

The girl had long violet hair, a coat with spiraly patterns and long fale earrings shimmering in the steetlamp light. The other one she held around the waist had long brown curly hair and dark eyes and was considerably smaller in size.

"Hi, Violet," Seline muttered. "Bye, Violet."

Violet gave her a sly smile. "Oh you are not getting rid of me that easily. You know Seline, Cami? That's the witch that used to be in our coven."

Seline sighed, leaning back on the bench. Just the kind of theatrics she needed.

"You know why she got kicked out?"

"I left," Seline corrected, trying to not to let herself get baited into this. Violet was not worth the time to argue with.

"She believes," Violet continued, voice rising, "into the human system of work. Wants to waste her valuable magic and time for salary and live under explotative capitalist conditions. Some serious brainwashing, isn't it?"

Seline rolled her eyes. "It's called having interests outside of magic. And wanting to contribute something to the society."

"We are contributing. Our magic. A proper witch should get the freedom to develop her talents and arts."

"No, you just want somebody to take care of you just because you were born," Seline said, voice acidic. "If you can't find a wolf who would do so just cause you look pretty, then the state should do it for you. Cause food and electricity simply fall out of the sky and witches are too cool to work like normal mortals."

Violet frowned. "You just aren't skilled with magic so you look for something pathetic to fill the void."

"Yes, indeed, lot of pathetic people work at the university."

"I am at the university too."

"That's it, Violet. You are, you don't work. You just put stickers with communist ideas onto bathrooms and tables and feel important. Giving speeches about how everything should belong to everybody, because you shouldn't have to create anything of value, since you have a talent for magic."

"That's-"

"Magic," Seline interrupted, "that doesn't work on humans or for humans. It comes from wolf shadows and works only on them. Tell me Violet, what exactly is your problem? Can't find a job to your liking? Or can't be bothered to put in any effort or thought into one?"

"You should learn how to shut up," Violet was downright hissing. "So it doesn't cost you that precious job of yours."

"Are you pulling the strings now, Vi? If you at least read the crap you put on those stickers or actually went 50 kilometers to the east to see what your ideas looked like in practice in the Sowjet Union-"

"That you came from to steal our jobs and places at universities," Cami said, looking terribly proud of herself for pitching in. "Little Slavic refugee and a thief."

This is the EU, you idiot. I have every right to he here. Seline stood up, making a mocking motion as if she was tipping her head to the two witches, heart racing. "Your intelligence knows no bounds. Have a good evening, bitches."

She made to move behind the bench and to the other side of the park, when a tall figure suddenly appeared out of the shadow, blocking her way.

"If only you stayed a little bit longer, Sel," Violet said in the sweetest fake voice she could manage. "You might have had found a wolf to protect you."

...

"Isaiah, you are overreacting."

Isaiah didn't slow down at Matthew's protests as he hurried down the street, into the direction of Seline's last class.

"She should have been home hours ago."

"Yeah, maybe she found a bookshop on the way and forgot about time again."

"She is not answering me."

"Do I have to remind you of the speech she gave us both about being constantly available? She knows how to turn it off and all that crap." Despite his reassurances, Matthew jogged behind Isaiah at the same pace.

The streets were basically empty at 11 on Monday. Isaiah let his shadow up to have more senses to search with. His shadow eagerly consumed the darkness and the streets around, melting into it.

It sensed another intense eagerness just ahead of them.

Isaiah sped up into an outright run, Matthew close on his heels.

He didn't catch Seline's scent until he was almost there. They stood upwind with buildings all around, it was hard to track.

But it was Seline alright. Circled by a bunch of wolves who were throwing her around like a volleyball. Frozen solid in their grip, tyring not to show a reaction. Sign of fear or pleading would just rile a wolf up.

Wolves technically shouldn't harm witches. Witches had a powerful calming effect on them, making it very hard to be hostile to them.

But there were other witches present. Two altogether, standing a bit to the side but with good view. A wolf head over heels for a witch would be capable of many impossibilities.

The girls noticed them first, the one with blue-violet hair immediately positioning herself between them.

Matthew stopped at the sight, unsure. Wolf should not harm a witch. Not only was it physically uncomfortable, felt entirely wrong for a wolf to do so, it was strictly forbidden and looked-down upon.

A wolf should not touch a witch without her permission. Touch ment connection and connection meant magic.

Isaiah had not decided what to say yet, but he did not feel any qualms. "You let her go right now," he said quietly. "This is the only warning you will get."

The violet witch smiled widely as the wolves behind her looked up, sneering.

"I don't think you are paying attention, pal," one of the wolves said. "It's six of us. And it's only two of you. You really want to fight us?"

Might makes right kind of idiots? Fine with him.

Isaiah noticed Matthew's hesistant look, not seeing a way how to get to the wolves around the two witches he wasn't supposed to touch.

Isaiah didn't wait for him. His shadow was up and about in the darkness, covering the ground underneath them. One quick twist and they were all falling down, feet flying up as if he pulled the carpet underneath them.

The girl's smile turned into a surprised grimace.

Before anyone could move Isaiah used his shadow to sweep over the wolves, rolling their shadows one by one with smoothness of years of experience.

He stepped closer, pushing the two witches out of the way as they yelped, looking down. His shadow didn't need a straight path. And he had enough control not to touch Seline in the midst of them.

She was standing upright in the middle with a stony expression. But her arms were wrapped around her, her hair was sticking in all directions. He scanned her for any signs of blood or injury.

Not finding any didn't really quell his anger.

"I thought you wanted to fight," Isaiah said, turning back to the wolves crawling and moaning on the ground. Three were shivering without their shadows, one was curled up holding his head, one was even passed out. Rolling a shadow was never pleasant.

The last one, the one who spoke, was crawling away. Isaiah quickly closed the distance between them, kicking him into the stomach. And then in the face for good measure.

He took him by the collar, easily lifting him with one hand. "You come after my girl again, I'll rip your arms off, you hear?"

The wolf shook violently than nodded.

Isaiah turned around, his shadow riding around in satisfaction, brimming with happy aggressive energy. It wanted to make good on his threat right away, wanted to rip them to little pieces along with the witches.

Isaiah looked back at Seline and down, suddenly self-conscious of how much of those desires she could read from his expression.

Seline said nothing, retrieving her bag from the ground.

She did not take his hand, when he offered it.

...

Isaiah was sure he had fucked things up spectacularly. He went all scary in front of Seline, did not even wait for Matt to back him up. He just rushed into it with killing intent.

The way Seline got scared from Matthew's shadow, how she cried and shut him down for weeks to come was fresh in his mind, making his chest tight and dread pool in his stomach.

Seline said nothing on their ride back home and didn't look at any of them. He wasn't sure how to interpret it, she was very hard to read, when she didn't want some kind of emotion to show. But it must have been fear. What else could it have been?

Fear from what just happened and from him and from being involved with wolves in general...

When they arrived at their apartment, she went upstairs immediately. Clear signal she wanted space.

"This is going to be a problem," Isaiah said quietly, staring at the staircase.

Matthew bumped into his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"Well, look at her! She is terrified of me!" He turned around to lean his forehead against the wall.

There was angry stomping on the floor above them. Then a slam of the door.

"Yeah, I don't think fear is what we are talking about," Matthew said dryly. "She looks pissed to me."

"Huh?" Isaiah said intelligently. His brain was short-circuiting at how he just went all Executioner in front of his girlfriend.

"Yep. Stop making guesses and go talk it out. No point worrying about something that might not be true."

"But- Did you not see-"

"I saw fine. It was plenty cool, if you ask me," Matthew said with a smirk. "Shoo."

Isaiah shook his head in exasperation, but went up.

Seline was in the process of changing and getting ready for bed. She slammed the cupboards violently behind her, the doors creaking painfully as she threw them open and then shut again.

Isaiah slipped inside her room, a little stunned by the display. He couldn't remember if he had seen Seline like this before.

"Ehhh...are you okay?"

She gave him an indignant look. "I'm fine! Perfectly fine!"

Isaiah watched her as she glared at her discarded jeans and shirt on the bed, in her PJs already, suddenly grateful Seline's affinity was water and not fire.

"Why didn't- you could have called me, you know?" He said tentatively into the silence. "I would have come sooner."

"I didn't need you to come."

Isaiah's eyebrows knitted together. "Well, then you could have at least called Matthew or messaged us where you were, so if something happened, we would know to look for you."

"I don't need-"

"You message your mother when you go to school and arrive home, why the hell can't you do the same for your pack?" Isaiah interjected, voice jumping up. "If you don't want to see me, fine, if you- at least let us know you are okay. Not to mention you weren't-"

"If those cows didn't bring their wolves, I would have been alright," she said, turning back to him, her chin up.

"I don't doubt that, but they had wolves around and it's my duty as your packmember and packleader-" Why was he defending his desire to protect her again?

He knew it was the wrong thing to say by the furious look in her eyes.

"Look," he said, pressing the bridge of his nose. "Wolves are dangerous, the city is dangerous and I just want to keep you safe. You can at least make sure of that, right? If you need a break from-from me or if you are disgusted or scared of me right now- there are still ways how to-"

"What are you going on about?"

"You didn't answer my messages or my calls all day," Isaiah said. "I thought something was wrong or that you were upset with me."

Seline watched him silently as if that wasn't all.

"And...right now...That must have been scary, right? I don't blame you for-"

She gave a dramatic sight. "I was upset. But not with you."

Seline approached. Isaiah suppressed the urge to back away, keeping the space he had drawn around her in his head untouched.

Seline's eyes widened at something, then she took the last three steps between them to stand right in front of him. "I'm not scared of you. That was actually...really nice of you. To defend me like that."

"Yeah?" He rubbed the back of his head self-consciously. "I don't want you to see-"

"I have never been scared of you. Wolves, sometimes, and yelling maybe, but not you. You would never do anything to hurt me." She took his face between her hands to make him look at her.

Isaiah let out a relieved breath, putting his hands over hers on his cheeks. "Okay. That's good, I'm glad. So what were you...upset about before?"

He watched her face intently, and his heart jumped into his throat where there were suddenly tears spilling over her cheeks.

"Sel?"

"I don't-" she broke off with a shuddering breath, ducking her head. "I don't want to need you this much."

"I'm sorry - what?"

"It's like I depend on you to protect me, and-and I'm doing it all wrong. I'm not supposed to tell you stuff like this, but I wanted- I want to be with you too much." She let go of his face, hugging herself.

Isaiah had the distinct feeling he was missing something. "And that's bad how?"

She looked up at him, her eyes even bluer from the tears.

"Isn't that kind of why we are together?"

Her blond eyebrows met in the center of her forehead in annoyance. "Don't you understand how bad this is? You...you are better than my solitude."

Isaiah frowned until he remembered the quote she meant. It was one of the quote books that they read in the evening to each other, sometimes to discuss them. My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude.

His heart was fluttering in his chest at the proclamation as he understood what this meant.

Not needing more reassurance than that, he scooped her up from her feet, hugging her to him. No way he was allowing his girlfriend to feel so sad about caring about him so much.

He dragged her into the bed, arms wrapped snuggly around her, and she reciprocated, hugging him just as tight around the waist. Like she couldn't get close enough.

„Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within," he said into her ear, nose in her hair. "You know that one? Cause that's how it feels to be with you."

Her breath hitched against him, her face buried in his chest he wondered how she could even breathe. But he couldn't make himself let her go.

He wondered how he ever could again.

[maxverstepponme]

Steppy’s thoughts on Drive To Survive Season 5:

Please take into account that some of the things might not be corresponding to the actual episode, but I forget things so bare with me 💀 also I’ll try to make this as short as I can because I talk too much 😭

- The way Guenther and Gene got rid of Mazepin… they were waiting for that 💀

- Mazepin getting called “Mazapan” 😭

- The way Guenther and Gene spoke about Mick was just not it. You can be mad that your driver isn’t performing the way you want him to in a shitty car, but human decency shoukd always come first. Fuck them. Fuck Haas and fuck everyone except Kevin. Fuck Nico just in case.

Episode 2: Mercedes principal Toto Wolff works to combat the team's unexpected struggles, while Lewis Hamilton navigates a bumpy ride in the team's redesigned car.

- BUMPY RIDE LMFAO

- Horny telling Toto to change his fucking car? My favorite moment of this whole season.

- Toto really went all psycho on them because they didn’t want to help him 😭 like bro, if everyone else but you was able to somehow fix their proposing issues, that’s your problem only.

- When he tried to use the “safety” speech and Mattia wasn’t having it? Hilarious. Mattia lowkey said “your team’s safety is not my problem”.

- Whenever George opened his mouth: 😐

Episode 3: Ferrari drivers and decision-makers feel the pressure of high expectations at a star-studded new event in Miami and a game-changing race at Silverstone.

- Whenever Charles spoke I felt a pain in my heart. I’m a Max fan and all, but I like Charles and I feel that his team failed him miserably. He deserves better so I hope Ferrari doesn’t fuck him up again. I don’t want him to win but yeah 😭

- I forgot about the Monaco “stay out, stay out”, if I was Charles I would’ve yelled at them. I don’t care.

Episode 4: Crashes and costs mount for Haas as driver Mick Schumacher fights to live up to his father's racing legacy and proves his worth to the team.

- When I tell you I cried almost the whole episode I’m not even joking.

- Y’all know how much I love and adore Mick, and you know that I’ve said that his performance wasn’t the best, but the way the team treated him? That’s fucking disgusting. How do you expect someone to be motivated when all you do is break him down? The fact that Kevin was the only person who believed in him is so sad and tells us all we need to know about Haas as a team.

- Guenther’s comments were just not it. I don’t care if you wanted him out, but no one deserves to be treated this way.

- When Max started talking about him I BAWLED my eyes out, and when they showed baby Max with Michael, tears kept falling and they didn’t stop. Plus he gave me baby fever LMAO.

- Max can’t even leave me alone on an episode that’s not about him.

- When Mick said his last name is a blessing and not a curse like many said? He said fuck you in every single language possible.

- Love Mick. Fuck Haas.

Episode 5: Otmar Szafnauer's efforts to overhaul Alpine bear fruit, until a new round of driver musical chairs throws his plans for the future into question.

Episode 6: Daniel Ricciardo's future starts to look uncertain when McLaren team managers set their sights on new talent, while Alpine weighs the best way forward.

- THESE TWO EPISODES 😮

- Fucking Nando making me laugh the whole thing. Man couldn’t give less of a fuck.

- The DRAMA was insane, and Bear became my new favorite DTS member.

- I feel like Mclaren is a good opportunity for Oscar but I totally understand Otmar being pissed. They spent 4M on the guy for him to just zayn like that.

- Pierre being chosen over Daniel by Alpine wasn’t because they think he was better but because he was most affordable. Daniel might not be delivering as expected but man is expensive af.

Episode 7: As the Red Bull team pushes to build on its lead against Ferrari, all eyes are on Sergio "Checo" Pérez during a dramatic Monaco Grand Prix.

- Dramatic Monaco Grand Prix? More like Ferrari being Ferrari and fucking up another Grand Prix.

- Checo reacting the same way I did when Seb decided to be funny.

- My theory about Carlos ALWAYS being on the podium whenever something crazy happens was proven right AGAIN.

- Checo saying his family is the most important thing and talking about his wife after cheating on her 💀 + the damage control made with scenes from their wedding, funny af. No one will forget it, but good try Checo.

- Max talking about the pressure of being a Red Bull driver when he’s the pressure 😭

Episode 8: When Pierre Gasly announces he's leaving Alpha Tauri, Yuki Tsunoda faces losing a teammate and a friend.

- Yuki farting next to Pierre at any chance he got 😭

- You know I’m not Pierre’s biggest fan but the way he talked about Yuki made my heart melt. You can see he actually cares about him. After all, he did say he was like a little brother to him.

- Yuki saying that he’s not a rookie anymore and that he’s ready to lead the team 👀 I hope he does though, I’d love to see that and I’d love to see him prove us all wrong.

- Nyck saying he’s going to bring maturity to the sport and me wheezing because I FUCKING FORGOT HE’S ALMOST 30 😭

- Yuki almost crying when Pierre was giving him a motivational talk.

Episode 9: With both championships within reach, Red Bull's team faces incendiary accusations that they've cheated by violating a league-wide spending cap.

- “We didn’t cheat” - Horny.

- “Turns out we exceeded the limit” - Horny, 5 seconds later.

- Toto going one by one trying to stir shit up and the only one who ended up doing something about it was Zak.

- Mattia going all “it wasn’t me” on Horny and gaslighting him into thinking that if he thought he did something was because he was guilty.

- Max saying that those things basically don’t concern him. King behavior.

- Zak laughing about his letter but then going silent and pissed when Max won again and Red Bull became champions 😭

- Helmut going “okay” when Horny told him to go and get the trophy.

- Fucking Jos ignoring Miss Racist in Austin 💀

- Max saying the team deserves it and then hugging the team 🥹

Episode 10: The 2022 season hurtles toward a conclusion in Abu Dhabi, where Ferrari fights to hold off Mercedes and McLaren hopes for a miracle to overtake Alpine.

- Not much to say here.

- Mercedes being Mercedes. I felt bad for Lewis though.

- Turns out I was half asleep when I watched Abu Dhabi because I didn’t remember shit from that race.

- Fucking Alonso saying bye again and saying he’s happy to leave 😭

- Seb saying he doesn’t know what it feels like to be away from the sport. Cried again.

- Daniel’s little tribute 🥹😭 I’m going to miss that idiot so so much.

-

That was basically it. I hope you enjoyed this masterpiece ❤️

[violenthunted]

if anyone is struggling on dumblr rp right now i think i found the secret ingredients.

first, you gotta force yourself to block the people you dislike, the ones you follow out of obligation because they're "popular" / the friends of your friends who are not and don't want to be your friends / the ones who don't spark joy or have iffy vibes. your dash is your responsibility. it's like a garden & you have to take care of it. dumblr will not be your happy place if it's filled with people you dislike / don't care about / people who ignore you on the daily. believe me, you'll be so much happier with them out of the way, even if at first you feel like your corner is small.

second, you have to take the first step. go like people's posts. comment stupid shit. follow first. barge in their dms. who cares. pretend it's facebook, we're in 2010, and everyone is still publishing "i just ate an avocado" as it happens. dumblr isn't just about writing. regardless of how shitty the interface is, it still is a social medium. cause yeah sometimes life kicks your ass and you don't have time to write. and that's okay!! that's why we have plotting and pinterest and discord and spotify. but to do all that you have to establish contact, and sadly everyone's a scared potato who doesn't know how to do it and / or doesn't know how not to be awkward while doing it. so just try!! see how it goes. whoever's on the other side of the screen will either cry from happiness or reveal themselves to not b worthy of ur time. no matter the option, its a win on ur part.

and lil third, unofficial advice : internet friends aren't always real friends. idc that they told you "ILYYYYYY <3333" a thousand times. people say shit they don't mean and don't care how it might influence you. protect yourself. internet drama is fake and doesn't matter. if u feel like u can't take a step away to go touch some grass for a lil while because you're addicted to reloading the dash, you need to force yourself to do it until its easy as breathing. cause internet "friends" will drop you the second you are not needed anymore, and u need to b strong enough to endure that. u can't rely entirely on dumblr to provide for ur social happiness. its not sustainable and it's gonna fuck you up bc. well. relationships on the internet are not as solid as they seem, no matter what we believe. its already hard having irl friends you can see face to face.

if someone on the internet shows you who they are by not doing right by you : trust them. it's not irl. people arent saying shit without thinking. yes internet relationships can be as strong and fulfilling and incredible as irl relationships but they're also more prone to fakeness, fragility and other shortcomings. with dumblr, other people have the opportunity to type on their little keyboards. to wait. to erase. they're choosing to spend time with you, or choosing not to, in a way that is much more evident than irl. (cause the effort to reply to a discord message is tiny compared to the effort of having to meet somewhere, for instance. and internet friendships solely rely on that act of communication) they're choosing to prioritise you, or not. they don't have to face you whenever they do something shitty. whatever anguish & sadness they bring you, they're not worth it.

just look out for yourself out there, okay? be kind, be nice, be patient, and take a step away once in a while to remind yourself out of all the people on the internet, the most important is always gonna b you. cause you're the one who'll have to face your real life once the screen gets shut

[cloudcountry]

SHAKING U GIVE ME ALL THOSE THOUGHTS DUMP THEM ON ME AUBURN IM TREMBLING RN URE GONNA KILL ME

ELLIE OMG PLEASE BOOK FOUR GAVE ME LIKE,,, A HEADACHE BECAUSE THERES SO MUCH GOING ON AND ITS USCH A COMPLICATED SITUATION AND WHHWHGGFWAWFGH

literal essay under cut (oops), book four spoilers just in case!!

im gonna start w kalim because i've ranted about this to my irl friends like SO MANY TIMES BUT. he's canonically super observant (book five if yk yk) AND LIKE,,,,,, he's well meaning. kalimd oesn't WANT to hurt anyone but he's so comfortable with jamil that he feels like he can trust him with anything. because of that he ends up taking advantage of him time and time again. he doesn't think about how jamil feels because kalim thinks he understands jamil. he's the only person kalim can trust because he's been with him through everything, but in doing so he dumps everything on jamil's shoulders and assume that hey, you can carry the entire world for me, right?

but like i said, friends are not people you take advantage of. whether kalim knows it or (and i dont think he does) he just assumes jamil will always be there and never appreciates his worth. its so so so important to remind people in your life that you appreciate them but kalim does it so half heartedly that it doesnt even sound genuine.

and its not kalim's fault that jamil doesn't have the freedom to go as he pleases, at least not completely. it's kalim's entire family that put jamil in that situation, to trap him in the asim family and make that his entire life. jamil is his own person but he's only treated like an extension, and he had to act like he was okay with that for years.

and kalim just smiled. he called jamil his friend and said he was the only one he could trust and yet kalim was blind to everything. he didn't see anything wrong with the way he was treating jamil even though jamil told him time and time again that running off and recklessly doing things isn't okay. kalim constantly shows a blatant disregard for all the effort jamil doesnt even WANT to put into taking care of him.

and even after it all, kalim is still like "but we're friend, right?" jamil doesnt want that. kalim is a constant reminder that all jamil is is an echo of the asim family. they don't see him as his own person and while kalim trying to cling to him may be a coping mechanism (since agian, jamil is his only true friend), it puts so much more pressure on jamil because why would you want to stay with the person that hurt you so much.

i can't imagine how resentful i would be if someone hurt me so bad and held me under their thumb for years, only to smile at me and ask if we're still friends. kalim should have given him space.

ALSO HEY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW KALIM IS LITERALLY ONLY A HOUSEWARDEN BECAUSE CROWLEY GOT PAID OFF??? that's corrupt authority sir (not that crowley being corrupt is any surprise.)

[timogsilangan]

Honestly, wrt that masking post, I see unmasked people I immediately know that my life isn’t worth anything to them. They’d rather spare themselves the inconvenience of wearing a mask than consider others for one second. I hate it. “Oh it doesn’t do anything on a large scale” a) and argument and b) even if it didn’t. You’re admitting that you consider me and people like me not worth the effort. It’s awful! Not to sound like a child but it hurts my feelings?? Like oh okay cool you don’t care whether vulnerable people live or die. Cool.

literally. like, if i cant rely on someone to do something as small as masking to protect others how can i ever rely on them for other shit? like theyve basically confessed that they dgaf abt other peoples literal lives if it comes at the cost of their own convenience. i also love the assumption that everyone who says to mask up is just a Performative Screeching Virtue Signaling Soapboxing Abled Pretending To Care and not. disabled people? like does op think we all just died off already HELLOOOOOO

and like, its one thing for the average everyday joe schmoe whos pretty unaware of the systems that affect the world (kind of guy that says "i hate mondays" but doesnt understand capitalism is why they hate mondays) to not care, but seeing Self Ided Leftists say "well the government gave up so stop trying it doesnt matter" while still somehow thinking theyre in the right coz they use terms from theory is like. wow. you are a horrible fucking person. i dont know how you can consider yourself a Hashtag Progressive while openly saying Well actually idgaf about disabled people begging for their lives, thats just Posturing and Performative Moralizing ☝️🤓☝️🤓

side note i love how op threw around the word Moralizing™©®™®®™©™©™©® like. believe it or not i think carelessly getting people infected with a severe disease that disables and kills is pretty fucking immoral. holy shit.

like yea one person masking is not Large Scale Collectivist Action but its also literally your community? like. i always see people going "ohh u have to connect with ur community so u can unite u have to have mutual aid u gotta reach out thats how we survive" but i guess that doesnt fucking apply to keeping the vulnerable people in ur community alive lol. going by this logic everyone doing harm reduction by distributing resources like narcan and hygiene kits in their community should just stop coz thats just Individuals too and not part of widespread legislation after all

sorry for using ur ask to drop this absolute dash stretcher of a rant but god fucking damn. im just fucking blown away by the inordinately moronic bullshit and straight up evil rhetoric in that post. jesus fucking christ.

[kuromi-hoemie]

🌻

lol it being completely open ended to talk about whatever i want, i went on a tangent (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) I'm putting it below the read more

i think.. it'll be funny, how when i move and finally say goodbye to this city, people on here who don't know we're in the same city will probably think “what that's where u lived?? why didn't you say anything sooner!!”

buddy i have been here for 8 years and completely lost faith in everyone here, this is a uniquely terrible area with somewhat friendly but extremely impersonal people and i don't care for it or anyone in it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't want someone to change my mind, I don't want to suddenly find what I'm looking for; I learned a lot professionally and about myself and life in general while living here but its time is up, the people here suck compared to literally every other place I've been to lmfao. I'm sure there's a few gems out there but they aren't worth what it takes to live around here.

when i was trying to figure out where i wanted to move next, I was going to give this place another year since that would arguably the best opportunity I'll have to enjoy it if i move somewhere cheaper (I've had a long complicated journey here).

but then i really thought about it, and being here — trying to chase happiness feels like swimming upstream towards something that's forever just out of reach. and then i thought about the city i decided I'll move to next, and there are so many people there who are always really happy to see me and always inviting me to stuff. and it's not just me, but they're all rly chill with each other and hang together too.

and it felt silly to think of suffering through another year here. why should i fight so hard to find what's already waiting for me somewhere else? life does not need to be this hard and i don't have to suffer another year here actually ✋🏾😭

very cool that i have some mutuals in the area who don't know this yet, but I'm not trying to spend an hour+ in traffic and have to pay to park just to hang out with them lol. wish i knew y'all like a year and a half ago but it's too late for me to really get attached to anything here.

there's literally (1) thing i care about in this city and it's the best friend i have. and being completely real, i love her very dearly but if i felt supported enough as i need from even one person here i wouldn't feel the need to leave. we talk thru text Sometimes very briefly, mostly to just send stuff to each other and ask about hanging out, and we hang like once a month or 1½ months.

like.... this is as good as it gets? 😐 there might be something better but it's going to take a significant amount of time, effort and frustration to find. and i just... do not think it's worth the effort, actually. sometimes taking the easier path is the correct choice.

I've made so so so many friends here that have all fizzled out. everyone I've become friends with will speak to you once a week or two or three maybe. MAYBE!! And it doesn't matter if you sent 1, 2 or 10 messages, it's not just a matter of where you are sending those messages, it doesn't matter what you are talking about or what you may need, you are just not hearing back from them. i could die here right now and no one would even begin to think something might be wrong with me for god knows how long, if ever.

so like. idk. i am extremely over this city and could not be convinced to stay. I'm the kind of person who needs to be talking to 2 or 3 friends every day, i need to be in one or two small but active group chats with people who are dear to me, I need to hang out at least twice a week at one of our places, i wanna go out to something together every two weeks at least.

it just seems like if i move somewhere where people take it a little slower and are more personal, I'll be able to get back into that kind of life i miss. it's so fucking easy to feel like the problem is me somehow until i drive like 25 miles away from here and suddenly the difference is like night and day (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) like oh i don't suck actually, and I've become much more sure of that over the past year-ish i guess, but the problem still remains and i just have to suck it up until i leave.

also yeah I'll name drop it while I'm at it lol DO NOT MOVE TO SEATTLE 🙅🏾‍♀️ no one here drives, most people hang out in the pay to park/HEAVY traffic areas and everyone here is friendly but VERY very impersonal. if what you want is someone to hang out with every once in a while and to live a hermit lifestyle then it's probably perfect for u but if you want to meaningfully connect with your friends you are swimming upstream here do not do it. this city SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the most trash ass city I've ever been to and I've been up and down the west coast and to other inland states!!!!!!!!! this is not normal!!!!! you people are not normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people from here get pissy when you bring up the Seattle freeze but it's real actually you guys do suck supremely and anyone from any place with even a shred of warmth between people in its community can tell you that, and i can say that bc i remember how often I'd be willing to say hi back to people when i took public transit and they'd immediately clock that I'm not from here because No One wants to talk to them otherwise.

i don't know wtf the deal is here but i don't need to navigate it or fight it 🚶🏾‍♀️ I'm just moving to the kinda place you can both live and work in, which is what all the other places I've lived at have been like. I'm sorry y'all live like this and think it's normal, but i don't think locking yourself away for weeks at a time not talking to anyone because of depressive episodes and always feeling lonely is like.. normal.. it's not. and you genuinely do have a lot to be fairly depressed about, and so do i tbh and i fight it so fucking hard but I'm just removing myself from this 😶‍🌫️ good bye and good luck.

[heybaetae]

i get that. for what its worth, people around you could also be scared to ask but maybe they show they notice/care in different ways. i hope that could be the case. though i do understand when you're dying for someone to just say something. u start wishing ppl in your life could just be like jimin for 2 seconds. i envy the guys very much cause they have people who are so open to caring for them and isnt afraid to ask questions and have these talks with you and be honest... *sigh*

they could be scared to ask, orrrr…in my case (usually) the person i’m wishing would make an effort more is someone i consider my best friend despite the fact that whenever we talk about anything, it’s 99% of the time about them. which is fine since they have more going on than me. but it can be kind of exhausting when i’m not in the headspace to constantly be talking about their life when they hardly ever make it a point to ask about mine, especially when i actually have shitty stuff going on and they have no idea about it either because i kept it to myself and/or they won’t ask. i have a hard time dumping my problems on someone without them at least opening up the conversation. maybe i’m just a horrible communicator idk lol. but yeah…it’d be nice to have a jimin rn. if it’s worth anything to anyone though, my inbox and PMs are always open to anyone who needs it. i’m a stranger, but i’m a good listener and i’m very empathetic of people’s situations so i’m just throwing that out there. i can’t promise i’ll always know what to say, but i don’t mind x

[crappymixtape]

sorry u don't have to post this

But its so fucking stupid people keep bringing up the same shit- ESPECIALLY people trying to tie it to what is going on on Gaza WHEN LITERALLY WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN EM AND AUTUMN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT

Like im sure both people had distress and were upset about what happened but let's NOT try to act like it is on the same level as a literal genocide

Also yall dont owe us anything. You can share on her or not (while obv i would want u to share denouncing the "war" i am not going to jump down your throat because my friend runs solely a fanfic blog and shares that...little weird and desensitized to see smut after smut then war then smut again. Some people use this to escape reality and yes that is privileged of us but also we have 0 clue what is going on in your personal life etc)

Like...people complain the fandom is dying and are pointing fingers when three are pointing back at themselves like ????????

Anyways love u if u have a way to tell Emmy we care pls do.

abso-fucking-lutely, nonny ( WARNING: i get political and shit up in this, so avoid if you don't have the space )

there is so much happening in the world right now and at the end of the day it's so disheartening and discouraging ( especially for me as a mom ) – idk about you but i NEED this place. i NEED this outlet. somewhere i can try and find joy to refill my cup so i can keep fighting against all this bullshit. so i can recharge and get back out to push for equality and the right to live and against genoc!de and racism and capitalist dicks and the future of this planet and god dammit even just writing that is SO heavy.

so why do we come here and hate on each other for trivial things? why do we come here and pile more shit onto plates that are already full? why are we putting so much energy and effort into pulling each other down when we could be lifting each other up? when even just that small act of support ( or just shutting tf up! ) can make things better or at least not make them worse?

i recognize my privilege and understand opportunities that i have are not accessible to everyone and i work really hard to democratize those opportunities. i work hard to undo my bias, to unlearn, to get comfortable with the uncomfortable and i'd be down to have those conversations with people! but not on anon. and not in an aggressive shitty matter. come to me human-to-human and TALK TO ME. it's how we make progress, it's how we learn from each other. it's how we widen our POV and change our opinions and grow, but doing it with malice and anger is NOT it.

i just truly don't understand. we all have ONE life. why would we spend it filling it with hate and vitriol? it's just not worth it. and i don't have the patience or the time to deal with bullshit. there are bigger things i aspire to, bigger causes that need my energy and commitment and if you're not down or you're on a vendetta to ruin someone's life ( or tumblr rep i guess?? ) then i think you should just go.

this place allows people to keep pursuing something outside of what they're swimming ( or honestly sometimes drowning ) in. it gives us, gives me, the boost to keep fighting the good fight so don't drag us into it.

the ST fandom might feel like it's dying, but there are still some incredible writers on here who share the love and true sentiment of the characters we love so much. as long as i'm here i'll always bring life to steve and eddie. don't let shitty people take it from you. tumblr or not those characters and the way they make you feel will always be yours.

and of course i'll tell emmy, babe ♥️♥️

[sw4tch]

vent post do not open

sigh u know what the problem is?

i don’t open up to people. I just don’t. you might think i overshare on here but that’s because this is basically my diary.

everywhere else? closed tomb.

I will die without people knowing my true thoughts. I am always silent.

I don’t speak. I just sit and listen and nod and laugh and look over them all with a placid expression.

Recently i had a meetup with my closest buddies and.

Well it was kind of nightmarish at some points. I had to go and hide myself in the bathroom at times because i was on the verge of a panic attack.

everyone else is so full of life. of interesting things to say. everyone else is happier than me.

And the problem isn’t that, it’s not really envy.

I just end up pitying myself because GOD why am i such a boring fuck?

I have things to say!!! I have interests!! I have passions!! I write 12k word fics, i make elaborate oc stories, i have STRONG opinions about certain movies and i still can’t say a fucking thing for fuck’s sake!

Because... I’m not good at talking. Hah. Maybe that’s why I’ve become so good at writing long, long, looooong entries on here. At least the written word allows me to express myself.

My voice? It fails me. Every time.

.

and, and even when i WANT to text a friend? There’s always a voice telling me “you’re annoying them. shut up”

And I always listen to it.

but also.

Existing is such a lonely experience for me.

I want to share my interests with my friends but.

I know they aren’t as interested in those things as me.

I fucking love talking about THEIR interests, i always bring a 100% energy to those conversations but when i imagine myself sharing??? my interests??? with them???

It’s horrific, the idea that they’ll have to pretend they want to talk to me about it.

Like.

My best friend, i want to share EVERY single fic and art i do with them but.

I just know they have better things to do than to indulge my childish interests.

i mean, fuck it, i pour my heart out, or i share something i’m embarrassed about, and i won’t even get a response sometimes. which SHOULD BE OKAY GODDD everyone is busy nowadays i am DEEPLY AWARE.

but it still hurts when it happens. It makes me think they saw what i shared and they despised it (I KNOW, I KNOW IT’S MY BRAIN LYING TO ME but i still end up believing its lies). and it only solidifies the idea that i can never share what i do because NO ONE CARES.

and. and god. that should be okay, i should be at peace with that because it’s not that deep, it’s not a reflection of my human worth, everyone just has a limited number of effort they can pour on their life, socializing is hard, no one is at my service etc etc but still.

i wish i could talk casually to other friends but i’m always asking myself “is it appropriate? am i bothering them? god, i’m so sorry for existing and ever DARING to want to talk with them”

An online friend i was talking to explicitly said to me “you can always share with me any other thing you want to talk about!” and i still CAN’T.

I want to share my ideas about the thing i’m obsessed with at the moment- here’s my thought process in that scenario.

- instinct: share to best friend > ah but i am worried what they might think of me if they see me pour my heart out and be a dumbass. i think too highly of them. i adore them too much. i care too much about what they think of me > let’s not share with them then

- ok let’s share with another friend that isn’t that close to me but i can still share these things with > no no we’re not close ENOUGH, we’re breaching the social contract here, you’d make a fool of yourself, you’d be actually bothering them, they’d know TOO MUCH about you, and you’re not comfortable being that vulnerable with someone you don’t have that level of trust yet > ok let’s not share then

- let’s share with an internet friend then? > are you INSANE? they have LIVES outside the computer, they don’t have time for you, how many times have you guys even TALKED to decide you can just barge into their dms and start ranting, hell we still need to make a good impression on them so we better. Not talk to them at all ESPECIALLY if you know for a fact this interest on your current obsession isn’t MUTUAL > let’s not share with them in that case

...So in the end i’m left with no one to share with.

You see the problem? That’s why i’m always on this goddamn website. I CAN FINALLY talk about what i obsess and love here.

But...It’s also literally speaking into the void.

You know, I have 833 followers. I know for a fact probably like 60% of those are dead accounts mostly bcus i’ve been here so goddamn long.

But i’ve never really had... a big group of friends here. I don’t really interact with others here other than a reply here, a tag mentioning them there, just... the smallest of interactions.

I have mutuals i genuinely adore, but we don’t talk! At this point i don’t think we ever will because even though we’ve been following each other for so long and i genuinely think they’re cool and funny people- i still cannot fathom a scenario in which i drop them a “hi hello how was your day??” and it’s not weird.

Who am I to think we’re friends?

I just. I’m too deeply aware at all times that connecting with others is. Is inherently a nuisance for them. You’re bothering someone else, and in the best case scenario, they don’t mind and in fact welcome it.

But daring to try and connect that first time? Reaching out? making yourself known??? showing what’s in your mind, in your heart??? god. it’s the biggest social transgression and you have to TRUST the other side likes you enough to welcome your companionship.

And my god.

After reading all of this i just.

Is it any surprise that one day i will drown in my own loneliness?

.

You know, i’ve been obsessing over the magnus archives a lot lately. and i just can’t get The Lonely out of my head.

Because my experience on the internet has just been The Lonely for YEARS now. talking to a void. never able to reach out. never having others reach out to me.

ah. ah there’s the lie. I see you. I see you.

I do have internet friends, i just mentioned them you see. But i guess. I guess my brain doesn’t register them. I think my brain still believes they don’t count because i don’t feel like i can just talk to them whenever i want. (Even though i could. I could... But i guess that’s a hurdle i still can’t get past).

I enjoy talking with them a lot. But usually they have to message me first because i’m too afraid to do so myself haha! ha! ha! it’s so funny it makes me cry!

I want to connect with others so bad but i just can’t.

God why am i like this?

It used to be so easy.

Why am i so afraid?

I just hate the idea of bothering people. Because if I bother them, they’ll hate me, and they’ll be grossed out by me, and. and. and they’ll leave.

But before they do they will be disgusted by who am i as a person, and that’s the worst thing. The Worst Thing I can Imagine.

God, i really do need the reassurance i am welcomed and wanted each step of the way huh? hah. hah. hah. Fail ass snail.

Don’t be cruel.

Don’t be cruel to yourself.

.

Anyway.

The Lonely right?

I live it, I feel it, it’s what surrounds me every day.

And you know how the people in the podcast consistently defeat The Lonely?

It’s with love.

By remembering someone you love. By remembering those that love you. By asserting who you are and what you love.

And it always make me smile.

Truly, love is what will save me. Always.

Love is real. Yes! It’s real, i’m not lying.

But you have to trust in love. You have to trust it.

You have to trust that the people you care about will care about you too. You have to trust that even if you annoy them, they will like you enough to not cut you off from their lives over every little moment in which you weren’t charming.

And you have to trust that your love for your friends is strong on both sides.

Oh Snaily you love so deeply, why can’t you believe it’s reciprocated?

Snaily, you keep your friendships as true as possible, why can’t you believe they’re true on both sides?

Why can’t you believe your friends will like your weirdness? Aren’t we proud to be freaks? You tell them each time they should allow themselves to be cringe and free but.

Are you allowing yourself that?

Oh Snaily, my beloved.

Please be more considerate to yourself. I know you try to be as kind as you can, as quiet, as polite, as little of a problem as possible.

But this is not living. You’re living in a lie, a lie in which you’re never wanted by anyone ever. It’s a lie. It’s a big and powerful and scary lie, but it’s right there in the name as an illusion.

We’re tired of The Lonely, you will need to reach out to get out of it.

I love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.

Loving and wanting love is a horror but it’s worth loving at its fullest despite it all.

end of post.

[achoonihaachu]

hello! do you take request for obey me? if so, i have one in mind and i think you'll be perfect.

trigger warning, by the way.

can i request for an mc who's like extremely depressed and refuse to interact with anyone. this is because they do not want to be attached to anyone and hurt them because they plan to unalive themself before they can return to the human world. they just keep quiet and keep to themselves and the boys just had enough y'know?

like lucifer is tired because of mc's irresponsibility, satan and asmo are worried because mc spends too much time indulging in books (and that meant they're trying to excape something from the outside world) and they seem not to take care of themself, beel too because mc doesnt eat that much, diavolo is somewhat scared bc it may cause the downfall of the program but is also concerned for the human's wellbeing, solomon is trying to conjure a spell so that he'll know what's up, and the angels just trying to atleast make mc smile.

how do you will they react? (especially when they find out about mc's plan) and how will they be able to cheer up mc so that they will not continue their plan anymore.

what will their reaction be if they succeed to make mc feel at home and finally happy after years of drowning?

im sorry if its too long aaaa, i've just been feeling under the weather lately and i needed some fluff from the obey me characs.

if you decided to do this request, i thank you for your time and effort! blessed be.

Stay a Minute More

a/n: hi! so i decided to do this request before i post any of the other work i’ve done because i just felt so drawn in by this. The way you described your request is… well, to put it lightly, i deal with my own demons (the unsexy kind) and topics like these just find a way to get to me, y’know? I’m sorry if that doesn’t make any sense but your request is a sort of self-indulgent moment i think i need to take my time in. i needed to let some emotions i’ve let build up out and… i just genuinely needed this so thank u for requesting it. For us both, i’ve written fluff at the end bc i need to make up for the angst- and also because we deserve better than the cards we’ve been dealt. i decided to just do this for the brothers, i might do something similar for the dateables one day, not too sure yet! Stay safe out there, okay? Just remember that you’re loved and that my messages are always open to you if you ever need someone to talk to <33

Warnings: heavy topics, cursing, fighting, mentions of su!cide, heavy mention of s*lf-h4rm, self-h4tred, self-deprecation, mentions of panic 4ttacks, anx!ety, d*pression. implications of gasl!ghting, implications of e4ting d!sorders, heavy spoilers for lesson 16, extreme angst but comfort will come!, fic then headcanon, slightly proofread

word count: 7.7k

if you are having su!cidal thoughts or any sort of issues with your mental health, please please seek professional help! you are deserving of love and good mental health, please do not read this if you think that it could be triggering! we love you, okay? <33

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The world is such a beautiful sight when you stand on the rooftops of tall buildings. You realize that you’re this small thing in a vast world and in the end, you question whether anything is worth anything at all. Sunsets have always held a special place in your heart; They indicate that though ever beautiful, they’re the first sign of the end.

Oh to be as beautiful as a sunset. You were afraid you’d be leaving a train wreck instead.

For a moment in time, as you grow close to those in the Devildom, you forgot. You were able to forget. You were able to smile again after what felt like years of heartache and you couldn’t wish for anything else.

But during nights like these, you wish that Belphie was successful in killing you.

Your ceiling was an empty slate, save for the single lightbulb screwed in tight in the center. You were too aware of everything in that moment; the way your skin felt as it rubbed against the soft cotton of your blanket, the way your hair splayed against the pillow resting under your head, it was too much and you weren’t even sure why you were feeling this way.

Two months; You were leaving in two months.

You clutched at your throat as you felt as though you were being strangled all over again by phantom hands trying to end your suffering. You weren’t too sure if the ghosts in the House of Lamentation were playing a trick on you but for a moment, you stopped prying at the faux constriction. You almost felt at peace at being given an easy way out. Your vision blurred as your mind went a million miles a minute.

Should you let it take you in your sleep?

Your breathing, erratic and shallow, leveled quickly. It left as soon as it came and a part of you felt guilty for being annoyed that you lived through another one of those… Another panic attack on your own.

You glance at the clock that hung on a wall of your room; 4 AM, like fucking clock work.

You were getting so tired of this whole routine; You were so afraid of losing the life you built and you didn’t know how to deal with going back home to a life you were unhappy in.

You finally made an agreement with yourself.

If you were going to go back to being unhappy in the human world, you’d rather leave this life with happy memories of what you had.

You were going to take your life when you go back home.

Day by day, the brothers saw how you pulled away. At first, there were small changes. You opted out of going out to buy coffee, you took your food back to your room for supper, and you stopped coming down for family nights. The brothers chalked it up to human hormones, humans have always been strange creatures.

Then the bigger changes started happening. You switched to taking your classes online, like Levi. Your beautiful smile, something they’ve grown to love so, stopped making appearances altogether. You bathed less and less, you stopped taking care of yourself and you just… weren’t the MC they loved.

Satan would try to get you to join him in the library but you’d always have your nose stuck in your book before he could ask and whenever he tried sitting beside you, you’d smile sheepishly at him, albeit a bit forced, and you’d walk to your room. You weren’t you and they were all starting to notice.

The fighting started when you failed three different tests. You had gotten your test results printed because Lucifer expected to see your papers; something about not wanting you to start slacking off since you’re always at home now. You had a particularly bad day, you had started refusing to eat anything in fear of gaining any weight and your hair was starting to fall out. You held back the sobs that threatened to tear out of your throat as you stared at the clump of hair laying in the center of your palm. You heard the brothers come home from RAD and you were quick to throw a hoodie on because…

Well, how would you go about explaining the fresh, shallow red lines decorating your skin to the Sins?

You snuck out of your room quickly; You just needed to leave your tests on the table in the common room for Lucifer then you could go back to your room to hide. It didn’t go according to what you had planned because the moment you threw the papers on the table, you walked backwards into a sturdy chest and strong arms.

“Yo! Where are ya headin’ off to so soon, (MC)?” Mammon, why’d you have to come at such an awful time?

Lucifer strolls into the room casually, he greets you as he eyes the small stack of papers tossed haphazardly onto the coffee table. You held your breath as he walks over and grabs it with nimble fingers, “It’s good to see you actually leave your room, (MC)-” His voice falters in his throat as he scans the papers. You stared down at the ground, afraid of what was about to come.

“(MC), explain to me how you got the lowest scores in all of RAD.” His voice was low and deadly. You remain stuck where you stood as Mammon starts to step away. As much as he loved you, he wasn’t willing to get in the way of Lucifer’s bubbling anger. The eldest stalked over to you slowly, you could feel his anger roll off him in uncontrollable waves, “Listen Luci, I haven’t had a good day. Can we please have this conversation some other-”

“I said explain your rubbish results, (MC).”

You grit your teeth as you watch him throw your test papers to the ground by your feet. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Lucifer.” You spin on your heel and run out of the room, ignoring the calls and pleas of the other brothers as you push past them. You chose not to come down for dinner… You didn’t come down for breakfast the next day either. Lucifer seemed to have ignored your presence entirely because he made no effort to apologize but a part of you felt guilty as you heard Asmodeus and Mammon talk to you from the other side of the door, reminding you to take the food they left on a tray before Beel got to it. You left it untouched.

The trash can in the corner of your room was overfilled with bloodied tissue papers and used blades for a few days after that.

You grew small and frail as the weeks went by. Lucifer distanced himself from you, he had never been good at apologizing so you didn’t hold it against him. He’d be a fool though if he assumed that you’d come crawling, begging for his forgiveness. You could feel that the other brothers were either growing increasingly worried or they were starting to get tired of you; maybe it was the illogical part of your brain that made you paranoid. Perhaps the lack of nutrition was starting to get to you but you felt as though the rest of the occupants in the house hated you.

You weren’t aware of how much they truly cared though.

You weren’t aware of the sleepy white-haired demon that camps out by your door every night just hoping, praying, to catch you if you try to sneak out to grab the food they’d always bring up to you. You weren’t aware of how badly Mammon wanted to wrap you up in his arms in a tight hug; you weren’t aware of how worried he was.

You didn’t know that Asmo was constantly refreshing your socials to see if you were posting anything at all on how you were feeling; From your private accounts to your fan accounts, he’d try to stay updated on your life online because he didn’t know how you were feeling anymore. Your last post dated back to a month ago and it was a group picture of you and the brothers on a small trip you all went on. His smile wavered as he saw how vibrant you looked in the picture. The fifth-born would give anything to have your spunky energy around the house again. What he’d give to see you and Mammon cause trouble again.

You didn’t know that the youngest was taking naps every hour to try and catch you when you went to sleep. You didn’t know that he was in your dreams trying to soothe you whenever you had nightmares. Once he figured out that your sleep schedule was erratic, he kept a small journal to keep track of how long you slept each night. He realized that you slept at dawn and you woke up five minutes before your classes began. You weren’t aware of how badly Belphie wanted to help but didn’t know how to so he did what he does best… He sleeps.

You didn’t know how hard it was for Beel to leave your food untouched in the hallway. He’d pass by your room every night and fight the urge that built in his very being to just scarf down everything including the tray before you could take it. You’d hear a soft knock on your door after the brothers eat dinner, like clockwork every night. Beel would leave his room at midnight for one of his many snack runs and there were a few nights when he’d see that a small bowl of food would be empty and on those nights he’d feel for your pact and smile as he felt you indulge in his sin ever so slightly. Those were what he considered good nights. He’d leave a small packet of chips by your door on those nights. He’s elated to see that you’d take them in the hours he slept.

You didn’t know that Levi was well aware of your late night crying sessions. He turned down the volume of his computer one night and he heard your soft cries echo from the room opposite to his. His heart broke from how devastated your cries sounded, it was like you had lost all hope in life and you just resorted to crying to release some of the suffocating pressure building in your chest. You didn’t know that he’d lean against his door in his room and listen to your hushed cries; he didn’t tell anyone. He didn’t ask you about it because who on Earth would even want to confide in a gross otaku like him, anyways? He did what he thought was best. He listened.

Five of the seven were stuck; they kept finding themselves at dead ends and they could feel you slip away, slowly but it was happening. It’s hard to be blessed with intelligence so vast that you’re practically this walking encyclopedia. Satan was this onlooker; he could see the symptoms, he sensed it all develop and fester, but he didn’t jump in to do anything. A part of him regrets not doing anything early on but who was he to dictate how you felt? He was a creature of pure unadulterated wrath and hatred, he was born from the anger in Lucifer’s heart. He couldn’t possibly look you straight in the eyes and tell you to feel a certain way.

He knew in himself that there were abandoned towns in the Devildom obliterated and left as mere piles of ash from days when he was unable to keep a clear train of thought; when he let his emotions take over, nothing was safe. He was afraid that one day, your emotions would blind you from making logical decisions.

He was afraid that one day soon, you’d put yourself in harm’s way.

Lucifer knew that he was far from the perfection he tries to portray himself as. He knows that he’s done so much damage to the people around him; he’s like a bomb that keeps exploding. He takes his anger out on Mammon, who does nothing but “mess up”, was the perfect scapegoat- the perfect excuse to let him get away with the shit he does. He wants the people around him to be just as perfect as he tries to be, to be… almost robotic with how structured he tries to make his life out to be. He tries to justify his actions, his heart tells him that he does this out of the love he has for his family and his friends but how do you justify pushing everyone away because you try to control them? He knows he’s indebted to you and that’s what scares him. You came into his life and you mend what’s broken. You fixed a family torn to shreds… His family that he tore to shreds. He’s afraid of how much power you truly hold but then he sees cracks in your strong facade. He feels bad, guilty even, but he tries to chip away at your flaws. He sees that you’re hurting but he’s never been good at comfort. He’s always had to play the role of the perfect parental figure, the perfect older brother able to juggle all the responsibilities of the world but still have time to come home for dinner. He didn’t know where to start and a part of him hoped that one of his brothers would bring it up for dinner so that they could all discuss but none of them ever did.

So he observes you.

He sees the healing lines on your skin, your arms were like lined pieces of paper from a notebook. They were long and varying in how deep they went; but he knew that your pain went deeper than just superficial scars. He sees how hard you try to hide them so he never comments on them. When you start to pull away, he gets frustrated and he tries to fish your problems out of you by badgering you. He’s always done this with his brothers- none of them ever truly open up to him so he does what he does best. He’s harsh with them and eventually, they open up by screaming at him about how broken they were and that was how they, as a family, work on their problems.

You’ve never really been the type to raise your voice though.

He never meant to push you even further out into the lake of dread you were already drowning in. His pride just… It never let him out of it’s cold hold; he was never able to apologize.

The eldest confided in his best friend-slash-boss. Diavolo had planned the whole exchange program out, he was supposed to know how to deal with a situation like this; they were supposed to be prepared for anything and everything but even the redhead had drawn up blank conclusions and unrealistic game plans.

Weeks of this go by and Lucifer has had enough; You were leaving to go back home to the human realm in three weeks. He didn’t want the remaining time they had with you to be tense and unenjoyable. He walked up to your door and took a deep breath, he glanced at his feet and saw that you hadn’t touched the food on your tray again. He grimaces and knocks on your door with a steady hand, “(MC)? Can we please talk?” His voice was smooth, he was able to mask his nerves rather well. No answer. He fidgets slightly where he stood before his fist raps against the door once more, a little harder than before. “(MC)?”

He hears shuffling and rustling form behind the door, he didn’t realize he was holding in a breath until he sighed at that moment. You crack the door open just a tad, you only showed half your face and your hair was tucked under the hood of your oversized hoodie. To say you looked like a wreck would be an understatement. The bags under your eyes contrast darkly against the complexion of your dry skin- skin that was once supple and smooth from all the care you put into your appearance. Your cheeks were sunken in ever so slightly and for the first time in about a month, he was finally able to take a proper look at you.

And what he saw scared him.

“(MC)? W-What happened to you?”

At that moment, all hell broke loose. You open your mouth to talk and no sound comes out. The stress you were constantly experiencing became too much and seeing the person you were most afraid of disappointing look at you with eyes so full of concern… It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. In your mind, it became clear to you; he knew you were a complete basket case. You closed your eyes and braced for harsh words and disdain to be thrown your way- maybe a “(MC), this is unbecoming of an exchange student. You’re a disgrace.” something along those lines.

Nothing came.

You crack an eye open slightly and see Lucifer still staring at you and the moment you two made eye contact, your eyes began to well up with tears. “I-” Where do you even begin? Do you begin with the overwhelming feeling of sadness? The unending void in your heart of darkness and doubt? How do you explain to him that you… You were broken? You were tired?

Lucifer pushes the door in gently, you take a few steps back without so much of a push or any sort of fight; Your room was a complete mess. Books were strewn around and a small stack laid by your bed. Tissues, both used and unused, were thrown about on the floor. Small chip packets were empty and left on your desk. Your D.D.D was turned on and was left on your bed.

The mess gave him the slightest of headaches but there was just one thing that scared him.

Your trashcan.

One sniff of the air and he caught a whiff of that familiar metallic scent. You would think that someone who has lived for literal millenia would get used to the stench of dried human blood but yours… Your blood was different. It smelt sweet and felt gentle- comforting. Your scent was comforting and to smell it at the point where it smelt so rotten and dead…

He couldn’t choke back the gag that left his throat.

He turns to you and sighs in utter disbelief, “(MC)...” Now, perhaps it was the fear you felt from all the possible reactions Lucifer might have or perhaps the lethargy you fought off with all those cups of coffee had finally caught up with you but your vision blurred. Your knees buckled under your weight and you stumbled into Lucifer’s arms. “I- I’m sorry.” You whisper before you let the darkness pull you into unnerving serenity.

Lucifer screamed for his brothers, all of whom were, fortunately, at home. The first to run in was Mammon, followed by Satan, then the twins, then finally Asmo and Levi. The first thing they react to is the scent of death that clung onto the air, then in the millisecond that follows, they see you laying in Lucifer’s arms on the floor.

What the fuck happened?

Satan, ever the observant one, notices the small flipped notebook that was thrown under your pillow. May God in Heaven aid in his journey to ask for forgiveness one day for what he was about to do. He quickly grabs the notebook and flips to the first page. You had started the journal when you first started to act differently. The first page always held something important. He quickly reads through the scribbled writing and he drops the notebook.

You had written, “My time is almost up. I’m grateful for the brothers but I need to leave soon. Sunsets have always been my favorite. I hope they can forgive me for what I’ll do when I go home.”

His eyes land on the bloodied razorblade wrapped in tissue laying in your trashcan.

“They planned on…”

“No..”

Lucifer:

He’s never been good at handling extreme emotions. He’s always been the type to bottle things up.

Seeing you in that state shook him to his core.

He and his brothers were quick to bundle you up in layers upon layers of blankets; you were cold but you were breathing and that was the most important thing to him.

He had been the first person to see you, he knew you hadn’t planned on doing anything at that moment.

He knew that you were tired and scared and… With what Satan had said, it seemed like you were simply exhausted.

Diavolo offered to take you back to the human realm to get you treated and to get you to a place where… issues like these would be handled by professionals but to everyone’s surprise, Lucifer was the most adamant to not let you go home.

He was on the brink of attacking the Prince for even suggesting something as “idiotic” as letting you leave when you needed them the most.

He was practically glued to your side as you rested. He was the one to change your bandages, he took your vitals in the way Satan taught him, he watched over you like an angel, ironically enough.

He was ever so gentle with you, he never raised his voice in the house as you rested for fear of startling you awake and triggering something.

He was the first person you saw when you woke up for your long nap, you slept for an entire day.

He fed you and helped you drink water but you were stubborn (you always have been, he thinks) and you tried to assure him that you’re alright.

He, of course, does not believe you.

He forbids you from getting up and he calls upon his brothers and he holds a meeting in your room.

Satan, the little snitch he was, told you that he had seen your journal and all the brothers knew of what you were planning when you made it back home.

You burst out in tears; you never meant to let them know in advance.

Lucifer let his brothers take care of you; He watched on the sideline as his brothers wrapped you up into a tight group hug.

When you and him were left alone, though, he walked over to you and gave you the most comforting, tight embrace.

“I don’t know how deep your struggles go. You’ve always been so brave but never forget that we are here for you. You can lean on me, you can learn to trust me.”

He sits you down one day and apologizes for all he’s done; the harsh treatment, the backhanded comments, everything.

He knows that though he’s as flawed as they come, he was willing to let go of his pride to help you.

The journey to get better is long, he knows that trauma and years of battling with depression and anxiety can’t be undone or forgotten in a day, but he will be there every step of the way.

Mammon:

A part of him despised being so attached to a mortal being.

He knew that your time with them was limited and yet he was so careless to just let you grab ahold of his heart- he let you steal it so freely but he never regretted it.

Because he got to love you.

Seeing you pull away from him, from his brothers, and from the life you’ve grown to love- it scared him but he didn’t want to seem paranoid.

If only he acted on those concerns.

Seeing you so pale in the arms of his brother knocked all the wind from his chest.

He fell to his knees and snatched you out of his brother’s arms. He cradled your frame so tenderly and took hold of your face in his hands with shaky resolve.

He couldn’t play off the tears that streamed down his face as he croaked out for everyone to get out.

He could still hear, feel your heartbeat and it was stable enough. He wasn’t worried about that, no, he was worried about what Satan had just read out.

You were going through all of the torment on your own? Why wasn’t he able to pick up on it?

He was your first man, your first demon pact-

He cried quietly as he watched over you for hours; he only left your side twice, once to grab you food and the other time to go to the washroom.

When you woke up, the first thing you saw was Mammon’s face plastered right up to yours and his bi-colored eyes were brimmed with tears.

“Never ever think that you’re all alone when you deal with your problems again. Do you understand, human?!... I’m always here for you.”

He was one of the “nicer” brothers, he never tried harming you and he’s got a small inkling that your rocky start in the Devildom had an effect on you that you never opened up about.

He already held a small grudge against the youngest and seeing you in this state, his anger flared even more.

It took a long talk and a lot of convincing on your end to get him to understand that your struggles have been… a part of you for a long time, his brothers were never the problem.

After hearing that, he simply holds you in his arms, the blush on his face be damned, as he whispers to you that he’ll be there for you for the rest of time to help you through all your bad days and that he’d celebrate with you on all your good ones.

Leviathan:

He had to be lured out by Asmo, his music was playing quite loudly and he, to this day, regrets leaving the music on so loud that day.

Levi is the type to want to bury himself in his hobbies to distract himself from his problems.

He thinks, “If I don’t see my problems, if I don’t think of my problems, do I even have any problems at all?”

He only realizes that it’s not the best of coping mechanisms; seeing you so frail and tired-looking woke him up to that reality.

He feels this overwhelming sense of guilt; he wasn’t there for you enough, he didn’t look out for the signs, he didn’t- he wasn’t-

He wasn’t doing enough for you.

That was why you felt the way you did.

One glance at you, one glance at his panicked brothers- it was too much. He spins on his heel and marches back into his room to dry heave over his trash can.

He feels awful for not being there for you.

Asmo and Satan took turns in trying to coax him out of his room after they cleaned you up and laid you down to recuperate.

He only left when Satan provided photo evidence that you were asleep.

He couldn’t muster up the courage to look you in the eye to try and reassure you that everything would be okay.

He would have hourly check-ins with you as the day progressed.

He was actually just dropping by to check if you were still sleeping soundly when you suddenly woke up.

He was about to rush out of the room but you, despite being groggy, were able to grab his hand.

You had to beg him to stay.

“I-I’m sorry that you had to deal with your problems on your own for so long, (MC). I can’t promise you that the journey from now will be smooth sailing but… I’m here, okay? Even if you don’t need me around, obviously who’d need a yucky otaku- mmh!”

You had to shut him up by dragging him weakly down into a hug.

He’s not good with showing physical affection but he tries his best for you.

He comes out of his room more often after the whole ordeal, he’s glued to you like gum on pavement but he tries to keep it nonchalant.

(He beats Mammon with a stick for the seat right beside yours during mealtime)

On the days where it seems too hard to fight off those dark thoughts, he gently pulls you off into his room to binge watch a new series and on particularly bad days, he’s able to muster up the courage to pull you onto his lap and he holds you tight as a cute slice of life show plays quietly in the background.

Satan:

His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach when he saw you on that fateful day, in the arms of Lucifer looking so absent of life.

As the unofficial detective of the family, he’s quick to scan the room for what could’ve happened because Lucifer wasn’t much help- The eldest was in shock.

He’s the first to see the journal, the first to know what was really wrong and when he read those words… He was rendered speechless.

He couldn’t explain anything to his brothers, all he could do was repeat the words he read before he handed the notebook over to the brother standing closest to him, who just so happened to be Asmo.

He knelt beside you with a somber smile on his face; He knew that you’d be okay, he didn’t feel the need to panic but he swore to himself to never let it get this bad ever again.

Though he wasn’t too panicky, he was obviously a little antsy. He rushed around the house to get you anything you needed or might want when you woke up; From blankets to food to bottles of water, as long as he deemed it important, he grabbed it.

By the end of it, your room was kind of like a tiny supermarket, full of small boxes of necessities.

Thanks to his endless knowledge on medicine and on the field in general, he was able to take notes of your vitals (he knew how to work an oximeter and a glucometer and at that moment, he felt quite proud of himself-)

He checked in on you regularly and during one of his many vital checks, you roused. He was quick to give you water and a small piece of bread; He read somewhere in his countless books that small bits of food was best for patients who were undernourished and you were his responsibility. (Please let Satan play doctor-)

You didn’t particularly mind the care he and his brothers showed, in a way you felt a little bad that they were spending so much time and energy on you but Satan got rid of those thoughts quickly.

“Stop that nonsense, (MC). You have taken such good care of us and you’ve shown us the love we’ve craved for millenia. You accepted me on my worst days so… Let me love you during yours.”

He brought in his favorite loveseat from his room to yours and he spent about a week with you. He would read you stories to help you fall asleep and during the nights when you’d wake up from nightmares of panic attacks, he'd jump into bed with you and just hold you till your heart rate steadied.

Asmodeus:

The fifth-born closed his eyes and refused to breathe in the air.

He was sure that that image would haunt him for months. Seeing you, the only person who loved him past the glamor and the perfect facade he put up, look so deathly-

He screwed his eyes shut so that the tears wouldn’t be able to escape.

He heard Satan say something but his mind didn’t quite process it until he felt a small book be thrust into his hands.

He made sure to turn away from your unconscious body before he opened the book.

Page after page detailed the emotions you felt for the last few weeks and he could feel his heart break with every word you wrote.

You were fighting off these… these demons in your head. You braved through countless nights of dealing with such complex emotions on your own and it all caught up to you… They were none the wiser.

He ran out of the room to comprehend it all.

Don’t get him wrong; he’d love to sit by your side through this all and finally give you the reassurance that you’re not and have never been alone in your struggles but… He wasn’t strong enough to handle seeing you look so frail.

He decided that it’d be better to be honest with himself and with you; he wasn’t the best brother to approach when it came to these things but he’d be damned if he didn’t try (more damned than he already was seeing as he… well, he’s a demon-)

He went on hiatus online. Yes, the social media-obsessed Asmodeus deleted all his social media for a few days and he shut off his phone as he worked with his brothers in making you feel comfortable.

He stockpiled a bunch of lotions and medicine that would help you in physically healing your wounds.

He’s a firm believer that though scars represent hardships you’ve managed to overcome, they don’t dictate the type of person you are. He believes that helping you get rid of the scars could help in your process of healing from your past.

He’d sit beside you when you woke up a few hours later and he’d start crying as he held you gently.

“My dear, why on Earth would you hide all of that from us? We love you so much and you’re such an important part in our lives… We’re here for you, okay?!”

Your replies were muffled with his smothering as he squished his face against yours; He muttered something about physical affection being a great way to relieve stress. (he read one of Satan’s medicine books briefly and he saw that ”a hug a day could keep the depression away-”)

He’d make sure that you ate all the food being given to you, though he’d never force feed you because he knows just how hard it could be to go back to a life deemed normal after weeks of going through something so difficult.

He’d gossip with you about the most mundane things, like how Satan would stay in the kitchen with Beel and Belphie just making different types of soup (he’d never mention that they were making soup for you-), then the gossip would turn into reminiscing about the days when the the twins were still babies, then how life was like before they met you. (He’d also talk about how Lucifer was such a pain in the ass back in the day because he was their Father’s favorite, meaning the eldest was a kiss ass, and how he’d tattle on all of them getting into all sorts of trouble but you shouldn’t ever mention these stories to the Avatar of Pride… For his sake.)

He’d just talk to you to make you feel like… Whatever happened to you in the past, before you met them, did not define who you are. He’d treat you like the same MC, the person you’ve always been, and he’d remind you every single day that no matter what happens, he’d always be there to support you along the way.

Beelzebub:

He was the brother everyone considered to be the most innocent. He’s this big, tall demon with the capability of consuming a person whole if he so chooses but his heart was kind and as pure as gold.

He’d do anything to keep you out of harm's way.

But… how does he protect you from the thoughts running rampant in your head?

How does he even go about trying to act like the big, strong protector that he claims to be when he couldn’t be there for you when you needed him the most?

He stands silently by the door as his other brothers rush around trying to help you.

His heart was shattered upon hearing Satan repeat what he had read but he didn’t have time to sulk or let the feeling of guilt linger; he had work to do.

He grabbed Belphie and marched into the kitchen.

For a moment, the seventh-born tried arguing with his twin, about how it wasn’t a good time to indulge in his sin but those words died down in his throat as Beel pulled out raw ingredients; He’d never eat raw food first, especially with the boxes upon boxes of chips they had bought the night prior.

The ginger got to work, he chopped all the ingredients he needed to make a giant pot of his favorite soup.

He ignored the loud rumbling of his stomach as he stirred the stock. Belphie was genuinely impressed by the restraint his brother was showing. It had been about an hour or two since they left you in the very capable hands of their brothers.

The youngest was sleeping on the counter, Satan walked in to grab about 9 bottles of water and a dozen individually wrapped sweet pastries, Asmodeus silently watched him cook the soup that Lucifer used to make them when they were younger.

When he was done, the house smelled amazing. He took a giant serving and brought it up to you on a tray.

You were awake when he walked in. Surprisingly, his brothers had left you alone to give you a moment to breathe and process and you were actually quite hungry. (Beel could sense it in you, he could hear your stomach grumble softly.)

You smiled sheepishly at him as he watched you scarf down the delicious soup he made.

“I know I’m not the best at words but I hope that you can trust me from now on. If not me then my brothers can help you. Let us protect you and care for you like you’ve done for us.”

He would let you be, he didn’t know how to put in words how relieved he was simply seeing you eat and regain a bit of the color you lost. He busied himself in the kitchen; he snacked, of course, but he made you all sorts of food for the next few days.

He needed to make sure that you were eating well and taking care of yourself. Seeing you indulge in his sin gave him some sort of hope; Perhaps he could finally be there for you at the start of this new chapter in your life, a chapter free from heartache.

Belphegor:

He had an inkling of what you were going through; Your dreams would sometimes take this nasty turn and he’d always do his best in giving you some sense of peace.

Seeing you in Lucifer’s arms… It solidified this fear he never realized he had about losing you.

The flashbacks he got, seeing you look so pale- He was frozen on the spot.

Satan’s voice sounded muffled, he sounded so far away.

You felt that way all this time? The mind fuck it must’ve been for you when he… he succeeded in killing you.

He only managed to get pulled out of the spiraling mindset he was getting sucked into was because Beel pulled him to the kitchen.

He was quiet as he thought back on all the days you spent helping him get out of the attic. The hushed laughter from all the somewhat tasteless jokes you, him, and Satan made of Lucifer during the early days of the Anti-Lucifer League.

It all hit him like a truck in one single moment as Beel chopped Devildom onions; He was terrified of losing you like he lost Lilith.

He shed a few tears he blamed on the onions.

He, like a majority of his brothers, was not good at handling intense emotions like fear or anger or even love. Love scared him, it scared all of them, because loving someone like you was practically guaranteed heartbreak.

You weren’t meant for forever and now he finds out that… You were trying to cut it even shorter?

He closes his eyes and rests his head on the marble countertop.

He finds sweet escape in his dreams but everywhere he looks, he sees your face; He sees you smiling, crying. He sees your angry frown and even the face you make when you get scared from the horror movies you binged together.

He’s the youngest, he wasn’t used to being stuck. He was so used to his brothers solving all other problems they’ve ever faced but it didn’t feel right for him to sit on the sidelines during a time when you needed them all.

He concentrates and finds himself in your dreamless slumber. This empty, black abyss was sort of soothing in a way. He’s comforted by the fact that you’re alive and safe from nightmares. He decides then to pitch in.

He waits for Beel to leave with a bowl the size of a human’s cooking pot balanced on the tray in his hands before he gets up.

He lets Beel take some time with you and when he was sure that all his other brothers were busy doing their own things, he walks to your room.

“Listen, (MC). Just… Just because I made the mistake of taking your life, doesn’t give you the right to try leaving us early, okay? You’ve still got so much to do with all of us so.. Stay.”

You blinked at him and for a moment, he felt bad for the potentially awfully timed joke (of when he killed the other you… y’know that one time-) but when he sees you crack a smile…

He just knew that this meant something.

He walked over to you and pulled you into a tight embrace before he awkwardly walked out of the room.

He checks in on you every now and then, he brings you one of those extremely processed cans of Devildom Deadly Nightshade… the poisonous berries.

Obviously he got you the type you, as a human, could actually eat- but he got you to laugh at the ironic thought that he’d still be trying to kill you.

Again, Belphie wasn’t the best at… emotions. Frankly, he was quite bad at dealing with situations like this but seeing you go back to the you he knew… Seeing you slowly go back to running around the halls with Mammon as Lucifer chased you both.

He knows that they got you to stay a minute more… A minute that turned into an hour. They had you for another day, another week, another year, another decade.

About two weeks go by and the brothers observe you. They weren’t too sure on how to go about gauging your recovery; Were you even recovering?

They decide to take you on a trip to the human world, a few days before you have to go home.

They felt anxious about the whole thing- Were they ready to let you go? They knew that they weren’t saying goodbye but after that fateful day, it felt like this sense of impending doom. Surely, you weren’t going to do anything.

They brought you to this gorgeous beach, somewhere hidden away from all the tourists and the loud locals. It was a quaint little place that they found thanks to Levi. You were practically glowing in the sunlight, the orange that bled into red and yellow. The sky was painted so perfectly and the Sun was dipping down the horizon, slowly but surely.

The sea breeze was salty and you all found a spot by the edge where the water and the shore met. Lucifer and Satan set up the blankets, Beel and Asmo got the food out of the picnic baskets, and Mammon, Levi and Belphie readied the things needed to start a bonfire.

You stood by the water, your toes dipping into the waves that came and went. You were silent throughout the whole thing, it was quite unnerving to be frank. The brothers left you to your own accord; they didn’t want to assume anything in fear of offending you. When things were set up, they decided to join you by the waves.

“What’s gotten you so intrigued, (MC)?”

“I used to love sunsets. They always were so beautiful but in a way, they were always so sad because it always signified the end. The end of the day but also the end of something we learned to love.” You trail off for a moment, your eyes focused squarely on the setting sun.

“Night time scared me because it always meant that I’d be alone again. I’d have to go through the nightmares and the panic attacks alone. I hated night time.”

The brothers exchange glances worriedly. Where was this going?

“You made me realize that sunsets don’t always mean the end. Night time doesn’t always mean I’m alone. I was never able to appreciate the beauty of the stars or the Moon because I was scared.”

“You helped me realize that the sun rises again,” You turn to them and smile brightly.

“You made me want to stay a minute more.”

[kpophubb]

hello!! just want to know ur thoughts; who do u think in enhypen is mtl to be dating someone right now? or do you think its still early for them to think about dating?

❥☾ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ : 𝕄𝕋𝕃 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕨

☯︎︎���ᴀᴋᴇ:~

I feel like Jake would be the most down to dating s/o right now. He has a really loving spirit and it’s a given that he wants to be loved and receive someone’s affection, even romantically. He believes in fiery love, love that sets your heart on fire almost instantly and is adventurous and gives you a crazy ride of emotions. However, he’d balance his relationship out really well, being able to give his s/o time and make efforts for her while still prioritising his schedule first. He’d also be cautious and not let the relationship slip at all costs, bc he cares more about your safety than his career. He wants you to stay away from the toxic fans and hatred. Moral of the story is, if Jake finds the girl he’s been looking for, it doesn’t matter if it’s now or later, he won’t waste a single second to have her in his life and make her his own! Very romantic and precious boy hehe<3

☯︎︎ʜᴇᴇsᴇᴜɴɢ:~

Heeseung is old enough,20 years old so it’s natural for him to be in a few relationships by now. However being the oldest, he’s wise and mature so he knows the risks of dating in his career. Not someone who will be into play dating right now cause it’s NOT worth getting fired for or getting in trouble for. He’s very passionate about his idol life so unless he finds someone who he ABSOLUTELY wants to spend the rest of his life with, he won’t get into dating now. If he does with that someone, he’s gonna be so so loving with her my god! Always takes care of her and even requests for breaks on weekends so he can go see her and spend time with her. Very doting boyfie and ofc husband material 11/10. Will always talk about his girl with heart eyes infront of the boys and even introduce her to them!

☯︎︎ᴊᴀʏ:~

Commitment is very important to jay. He will be 20 soon and he’s not against the idea of dating. But if he does date someone, it’s gonna be someone he really loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. If he is gonna make the effort of putting the responsibility of a relationship into his already busy life where he works so hard, he’s gonna do it depending on the person. It doesn’t matter if he dates her now, or later if he truly loves someone and wants her, it will all happen in an instant. He just feels like the person to be in a long term relationship because of how loyal and honest he is. The kind of relationship where you date someone for many years, go through thin and thick situation with them, spend the storms and rainbows together and eventually marry them and grow old together. And if it starts at a young age like now, all the more better cause you will be able to grow and glow together, side by side.

☯︎︎sᴜɴɢʜᴏᴏɴ:~

Ok so sunghoon might develop crushes and flirt with a few co-idols he likes but idts he’d get himself into a relationship right now. The relationship might be based on a fling and last highest 1-2 months but he won’t take it further. If possible he’d avoid building any sort of serious relationship with someone and as I mentioned before, date one or two people for a few months. It’s a crucial time for enhypen’s growth and he wants to keep his mind fixated on success and making more of his dreams come true. If he is really gonna fall in love and have a girl he really wants to be with, it might as well be after a few years when he’s more mature and can handle it and pour his efforts more into it.

☯︎︎sᴜɴᴏᴏ:~

From the way sunoo is so focused on his growth now and how he’s constantly trying to explore more sides of him and present cooler sides of him to the world, I’m fairly convinced dating is not something he will indulge into now. He will develop a few crushes on people here and there, and find a few people cute but he won’t make an effort into getting to know them more in fear of getting attached cause he knows when he gets attached to someone he is HOOKED. He will get excited and bubbly when he likes someone and giggle a lot, imagine a lot of fake scenarios with her inside his head and smile but he will leave it at that. In his line of sight, self improvement is the most important thing now and he can’t afford anything else as a distraction.

☯︎︎ɴɪᴋɪ:~

Nah, niki is definitely not gonna date anyone right now. He’s only 16 rn and tho we all had atleast one relationship by now, niki won’t and can’t because his life is so different from a ordinary person his age. He has to work really hard, stay away from his family and manage a lot of responsibilities being so young, so it’s only logical that he won’t burden himself with anything else as important as a relationship right now. He knows he can’t handle it very well now and he’d hate to half heartedly be with someone. Besides, his hyungs wouldn’t most definitely approve of it bc of the rumours and drama it’s gonna carry, so thinking about it he will discard the idea. Might find some noonas attractive, but the most he will enjoy doing is pranking them and annoying them hehe! >.<

☯︎︎ᴊᴜɴɢᴡᴏɴ:~

DEFINITELY NOT gonna get into dating rn. From the way jungwon is so pessimistic about love and said things like “love doesn’t exist” and “there’s no such things as soulmates” and cringes at cheesy stuffs, I don’t really see him being a big fan of loving in general. Ofcourse his heart will love s/o THE MOST sincerely, but it’s something he would like to stay away from atleast for now. Why? Because he’s the leader of the group and carries the whole burden of the group on his shoulders so one careless action from him can tarnish all their fame in one second. Dating for most kpop idols is restricted and even if it wasn’t, jungwon is too young for it. So if the word of his relationship gets viral, he will be in a big trouble in the bad way. Besides, he’s the wisest in the group and awfully mature, so he’s gonna leave things like dating and love for when he grows up and can handle it smoothly without worry.

———————————————————————————

ᗩ/ᑎ: 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝘁𝘆𝘀𝗺 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀!♡︎ 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁’𝗹 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝗶 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱.:( 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲~ ❥

[elysianslove]

the little things ; haikyuu boys

synopsis; the little things he does that show just how much he loves you

pairings; karasuno x reader, aoba johsai x reader, fukurodani x reader, nekoma x reader, shiratorizawa x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; will make u hate being single <3

karasuno ━━

sugawara koshi; whenever your hair gets caught in anything, he’s so gentle yet quick at fixing it. if your hair is long, and you pull a bag or a shirt and your hair gets tucked in, he’ll wordlessly pull it out. if your hair is short and a bracelet or zipper gets caught he just continues whatever he was doing (talking to someone else for e.g.) while helping you out. also always makes sure your hair isn’t bothering you; if you’re leaning over writing something, he’ll always tuck it behind your ear so lovingly ahhh

daichi sawamura; massages. he’s descended from heaven for this purpose only. his hands are rough and like hard on your muscles, but it’s so perfect. he’ll approach you when you’re in school sitting anywhere, from behind, and just knead his hands into your muscles for a few seconds. euphoric. or if you live together, he always greets you with back/shoulder/neck massages in the bathtub hvjkwkd.

nishinoya yuu; always makes you try his food. always. whether it’s with a group of people or just you two, he just goes “hey babe open ur mouth” with this face 😏 bc he’s cheeky, and just shoves a mouthful of food. spoiler alert, it’s always way too hot. but it’s just tradition at this point. he takes a bite of his food, decides if it’s worthy enough for your mouth or not, then just. yeah.

kageyama tobio; buys you a snack whenever he gets his milk. if you’re special special, he’ll buy you your own carton of milk. he goes up to the vending machine and automatically thinks of you when he sees your fave snack, and it’s like mindless at this point he just routinely does it. it still surprises you to this day, even when he’s so nonchalant about it.

tsukishima kei; kisses your forehead. tsukki is not too big on pda, and even privately he’s not very touchy feely either tbh. but just a simple peck on your forehead grounds you, and it’s a small reminder of the fact that despite his outward coldness, he really does love you. he rarely does it in front of others, but sometimes, he’ll indulge both you and him, and settle a small kiss on your temple just randomly.

asahi azumane; anime jesus always has a hair tie/clip carried around for you on his wrist/in his pockets. i mean he’s always needing them, he just stocks up when he starts dating you. somehow he’s always there when you’re frustrated with your hair all over the place what a savior. later on it evolves to him carrying around your scrunchie and yes the boys make fun yes he blushes but no he does not take it off.

tanaka ryunosuke; carries you on his back, or your things, when you’re too tired to walk. whether that be if you’re too tired because of your heels or you’re just lazy, he just loves helping you out what a respectful gentleman. honestly it just becomes that every time he sees you he like barricades over to you so quick and flips you onto his shoulder or spins you around. anyways. walking with tanaka means walking empty handed bc he will never let you carry anything. ( shifts pile of bags on one arm just to hold your hand ).

hinata shoyo; learns hairstyles to try on you. whether it be short hair or long hair, expect his youtube search history to look a lot like “how to make a french braid” or “cute hairstyles for short hair for your cute girlfriend”. he’s always so entranced by you and watches so carefully whenever you do anything on your hair, and he gets do excited whenever you let him try and he gets it right. also !!! a lot of the times you’ll sit between his legs and he’ll just softly card his fingers through your hair or lightly braid it.

yamaguchi tadashi; buys you flowers a lot. he doesn’t overdo it, just so it doesn’t lose its value and worth. but for example, mondays suck ass and he knows how much you hate them, so he always makes sure to either leave a single rose on your desk/in your locker or give it to you himself if he can. it’s so endearing and motivating honestly, and the constant reminder every once in a while is so cute. continues to do it even like 3 years in, which is so fkn sweet honestly.

nekoma ━━

kuroo tetsurō; plans the best dates. seriously. like not one moment spent with him is dull. i don’t think being with kuroo entails a high energy relationship, i just mean that even a walk in the park is fun with him. he also always knows when to plan a fancy dinner and when it’s just something casual. like he always puts in so much effort, gives 120%, for every date with you. is your favorite band/singer/artist in town? he’s got tickets. the weather is amazing? you’re going to the beach. you’re sleep deprived? nap dates. 10/10

kozume kenma; he teaches you how to play his games. the fact that he’s letting you touch the console in itself says enough, but whenever he buys a new one, and learns it thoroughly enough, he will always sit by you and teach you its ways. picture you sitting in his lap while he guides your hands <333 if you’re not a gamer, he’s actually v flattered by the fact you’re willing to sit through this w him. but if you are a gamer, expect daily competitions. oh and if you beat him? you’re dead to him :).

haiba lev; instead of reaching for things that you’re too short for to grab it himself, he just lifts you up lmfao. i mean w the way he teases yaku, i can imagine he’d be v teasing with you as well if you’re even an inch shorter than him. but fret not! it’s all in the name of love. he’s very loving though, and if he sees you struggling he’ll just wordlessly hoist you up from your waist or something. at first it’s terrifying, but later on it just makes you giggle cause he’s like so willing to do it and it’s effortless for him hehe.

yaku morisuke; always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself, but kinda aggressively? lmao anyways. like he’s always “babe have u eaten” and if u say no expect him to start yelling like “what do you mean no??? are you insane???” v dramatic but honestly <333 he’s always texting you after parting ways “did you get home safe” or on weekends where he cant meet you, he’s asking how it was, if you indulged yourself a bit, relaxed. it’s very sweet and he makes sure it’s not overbearing. he just wants his baby to be healthy and happy.

yamamoto taketora; walks on the side with the cars. it’s not a very noticeable thing, but you see it, and you recognize it. he makes sure he’s always walking where cars are speeding by, a hand on the small of your back guiding you away and to the other side of him. it’s the little notions of protectiveness like if he’s driving and stops suddenly, he’ll put a hand out to keep you from lurching forward, he pushes you gently out of the way before you bump into someone. things like that.

aoba johsai ━━

oikawa tōru; he doodles in your notebooks, or on your skin. if you have class with him, and sit next to him, he’ll always be doodling on your notebook like little hearts or stupid, cute things like your initials + his in a heart. or if you’re at a study date together, and you’re focused on your laptop screen, he’ll leave little encouraging messages on your notes for you to notice when you’re revising. sometimes you’ll be sitting with him at lunch or even if you’re out w him and a bunch of other people, and he happens to have a pen. expect a little smiley face on your inner wrist, or a heart plus his initials ( o.t. )

iwaizumi hajime; he helps you take off your make up/takes it off for you. if you’re too sleepy, he’ll just take the products he’s used to seeing you use and start following it step by step after he props you up next to the sink. while he stands between your thighs he just so gently starts rubbing at your skin and washing away the make up. if you’re already asleep, he’ll have to like google the steps oh my god im gonna cry hes so cute. if you don’t necessarily wear make up, then he’ll just help you do your nightly routine, or even your shower routine, like using a body scrub or a face mask or, bruh, even shaving lmfao.

hanamaki takahiro; saves everything you buy/send/make him. i mean everything. has literally over two thousand photos of you, all the polaroids or postcards are saved in a little box he has under his bed. anything you make him (unless it’s edible) he has. if you make him a small embroidery thing he will literally attach it to his sports bag or something. any chain you make him is automatically added to his keychain. that flower crown you made with him on one of your first dates? he still has it. the flowers are dead but the memory loves babyyyy

matsukawa issei; carries extra clothes of his for you to borrow. hey have i mentioned that mattsun is big? 😃 because he is 😃. meaning regardless of your size or height or whatever, his clothes will drown you <3 i see him as preferring more oversized or just loose shirts rather than tight ones, so yk. on you???? if y’all are just hanging out and you even think about being slightly cold — here have five options of mattsun’s clothes to choose from. he always makes sure they smell like him too. it’s self indulgent really, because he loves the way they look on you, and he loves that it leaves a trace of his scent on you. territorial? i think yes.

fukurodani ━━

bokuto kōtarō; always hugs you like it’s the last time he’ll see you. sometimes, even if he doesn’t know it, you need his hugs badly. y’all are gonna try and tell me bokuto doesn’t give the best fkn hugs??? yeah get outta here with that bs. he SO does. he either kneels down and wraps his arms around your waist, picks you up, and spins you around, like he hasn’t seen you in 3 years, or he’ll just wrap his arms around your neck and pull your head to his chest, cradling it, and just sighing like he won’t see you for the next 3 years. his hugs always make you feel so much better, even if you weren’t feeling down to begin with.  

akaashi keiji; plays with your hands and caresses them. it’s the delicate feel and gentleness of it all. akaashi’s generally an anxious person, leaving him very fidgety. but once you two get together, and he starts being comfortable with you, expect to find your hand always between the two of his, just fondling with him. he’ll trace random figurines on the back of your hand, or have his fingers ghost over your wrist and up to your fingertips. if his hands are especially shaky, expect him to just grab one of your yours and hold it tightly between the grasp of two of his. it conveys trust, and all you have to do is kiss his knuckles gently and he’s melting.

konoha akinori; he has your reminders app linked with his, and sneaks in small, motivating messages. every once in a while you’ll get a notification from the app that tells you to drink water or have a snack (or text konoha he’s bored and he misses you). also always sends you pictures to distract you from stress. like it could literally just be a picture of him smiling with a thumbs up and you’d just ,,, melt bc you love him so much.

shiratorizawa ━━

ushijima wakatoshi; he has so many plants that are named after you, or your nicknames, and he’s like so gentle with them too. like strokes their petals and speaks to them so softly, the same way he does with you. you’re honestly so curious how he hasn’t run out of names, but he’s just a genius like that. whenever you go over to his place, and he’s bought a new one, he’ll take your hand and guide you to where it’s growing and just be like “look it’s baby y/n” and you just 🥺🥺🥺

semi eita; he has a playlist on his phone, that’s constantly being updated, for you and him to listen to. the first time he showed it to you, you were stargazing and he took out his phone and headphones and was like “i made a playlist for you wanna list” and every part of your body lit up in flames im not joking. now, a lot of the times, you’re coming back home on a train, and your head is on his shoulder and you’re sharing headphones listening to the playlist. when either one of you is driving you’re blasting it (a lot of the playlist is the hsm soundtrack)

satori tendō; tendo reads people so well, and being in a relationship with him means he will read you so well. so a lot of the times, in social situations, he’ll recognize the signs of you wanting to leave, for example, or if someone’s bothering you, he’ll know exactly how to approach it too. this also entails having a lotta inside jokes hehe, and also just like. talking with your eyes. yk that thing. yeah. all you have to do is look at him a certain way, and he just knows exactly what you just said.

goshiki tsutomu; he buys the both of you this small plushie, and whenever you’re missing each other you just. squish it. and he squishes his. he would rather die than let anyone know this, but you’re not too keen on letting anyone know yourself tbh. it’s just this little thing you have, and it means a lot more to you than just this. when he first bought it he was like “look we have matching plushies” and you passed away on the spot ❤️

shirabu kenjirō; loves trying out new recipes with you. he’s not too big on cooking or baking, but there’s just something about doing it with you that really — hits the spot yk. nowadays, whenever he comes across a new recipe on social media that he thinks you’ll like he just automatically sends it to you like with no words no texts just the post and you’re like “OMG CAN WE DO THIS” and he’s like “why else would i send it. yes we can :)” hvskwkeke

end note;  thank you sm for the love on my last two posts!! i’m glad you guys enjoyed them sm. if you have any requests, they’re open and i’m happy to deliver, mwah!

[weirdsht]

warning: a long ranting character analysis ahead. its a character analysis but i put my own personal experience in it hence why a rant. also my vocabulary sucks and i might use wrong words im sorry in advance difuhgopeihpgerty

not sure if this is because i'm a humanities student or its just i can relate because of what i realized while trying to find out about myself but i have some 2cents about Cale's personality.

everything happened late to Cale and that has a big impact on his beliefs and values

it was too late when he met the Soos and became freinds with them. it was too late when that grandma doted on him.

because from what i learned its hard to undo your mindset specially when it has been built up since you were young

consciously or unconsciously

from since he was young cale probably unconsciously concluded that he isn't worth that much and that things could always be worse than this

thats why as long as his alive that's good enough for him. even if his barely on the edge of living with his plate in shambles

like even though Jung Soo and Soo Hyuk and other people he has met later on showed him and tried to teach him that what his doing isnt okay. that he should have higher standards and not just settle for "at least i'm alive". they can't really reset years of accumulated mindset

basically what im saying is its nearly impossible to undo trauma guys

specially with what he went through during his childhood since childhoods always have a great affect in our lives

it doesn't matter if the treatment change or the one inflicting it is gone, once you get used to thinking like that it's hard to turn back y'know

idk how to explain so i'll give a personal example instead

my mom is an overachiever and is very intelligent, and as her child she also expect me to be the same or even surpass her, she's also someone who has a lot of trust issues specially in relationships

imagine that mixing and being projected lol

so for years its just her grilling me to do better. saying that i'm lazy and not putting enough effort on my studies because i can't maintain being a honor student, not realizing the fact fact that maybe, just maybe it's just that i'm not as smart as her. even her standards are crazy high, just passing isn't enough heck a passing grade is a fail for her (asian mom's amiright)

and that also became detrimental to my social life because she's always comparing. she also keeps engraving that they don't really care for me and such and u know the typical manipulation

but nowadays she's calmed downed a bit. she's more open about me having friends and she isn't as strict about me being an honorable student

did that change anything? not really lmaoo

because in the back of my mind i'm thinking that if i dont do well she's gonna have an outburst again, or if i tell her about my friends she's going to say all sorts of things again and i don't want to lonely again. and so the result is me being constantly on guard and her wondering why im hostile

i hope that explains how it greatly affect things

you bring those thoughts and beliefs with you even when you grow up. even when things get better. whether you realize it or not

its really just something you can't get rid of honestly

and that's what i think happened to cale

unknowingly getting the share of White Star's curse made him lose everything he loves and care for

his parents dying

his uncle abusing him

him getting abandoned

just the world falling in ruin

all those things probably made him unintentionally come to the conclusion that he isn't really worth much, and view things that other people would consider necessity, the basic necessities, a luxury

i'd like to believe that maybe he was slowly getting rid of that toxic mindset when he was with the Soos

then boom

they dead now

and so since that's what happened the one time he let his guard down his walls built up even more and his coping mechanisms got worse than they originally were

so probably thats why he acts the way he does when he finally became Cale

that's why this lovable mfer is so guarded, oblivious and so annoyingly dense

i just want for him to break out of it honestly. it wouldn't even matter to me if he realizes it or not. tbh him not realizing it is probably better. just accept the love being given to you damnit

and i thank you, thank you for coming to my ted talk HAHAHAHAHAHHASDGIUUSTPGW