#but mostly i miss how fucked up and weird these movies got to be

[hurglewurm]

maybe the reason i am the way that i am is because as a child the movies i watched constantly were the rankin/bass hobbit movie from 1977, the last unicorn, and don bluth secret of nimh

they simply don’t make kids’ movies like this anymore damn

[silverskye13]

That ficlet of “How long can Helsknight and Wels go without wanting to maul each other to death” gives me the idea of like. Yknow that trope where two characters you assume have never met each other turn out in fact to be buddies who like play pool together or something. That’s Helsknight and XB. Wels gets shunted to Hels and finds XB just chillin in a bar with Hels and goes “WHAT THE FUCK BRO”

"Hels Kitchen, huh?" xB asked, looking up at the sign and raising a spined eyebrow. "This new?"

Helsknight shrugged, leading the way inside. "New enough."

xB sauntered behind him, taking in his surroundings with an easygoing smile. Hels was a little hot for his tastes, but he knew from experience he would get used to the heat after a few minutes. He watched Helsknight toss the bartender (who seemed to be just a very large, contained ghast) a handful of diamonds to cover their tab, and the two made their way to the pool table in the back of the little bar. xB swiped up a couple beers, snapped the cap off one with his teeth (those sharp guardian teeth were good for something after all) and set it down on the side of the table while Helsknight prepped the game.

"It's been a hot minute," xB observed, carefully checking over pool cues for one that wasn't bent. "Been busy busting heads in the Colosseum?"

Helsknight shrugged. "Nah. Mostly just caught up with life stuff. You know how it is."

xB, who had forgotten their meet up last month because he was busy digging a hole to bedrock, knew exactly how it was. "So you haven't been practicing pool while I've been gone?"

"I'll still beat you," Helsknight grinned challengingly. "Guests break."

xB snapped the cap off the second beer, took a drink, made a face that Helsknight laughed at, and then got to work aiming his shot. It was a good break, though the eight ball danced by one of the side pockets, a little too close for comfort. He got one of the striped balls in, and claimed the stripes for the rest of the game. He took his second shot, missed, and stepped aside for Helsknight.

Pool was such a weird game for them to settle on as their friendly competition. Helsknight was a pro at PvP, all things swords and axes and shields. But xB wasn't, and even if it was, swords was Helsknight's job, more or less, and xB could appreciate wanting to do something that wasn't your job, no matter how much you enjoyed it. It was for the same reason he was grateful Helsknight hadn't suggested they go build train cars when they hung out, or terraform movie scenes. He enjoyed it, but this was his off time. The first couple times they met up, they tried playing TCG, but Helsknight was a little too competitive, and xB got tired of debating rules minutiae (and being forced to stomp home and ask Beef a thousand questions). Then they played just normal cards, which lead to the discovery they both appreciated good beer, which lead to barhopping, because hels had bars. Hermitcraft didn't. And eventually, barhopping lead to playing pool, and pool was just the kind of low-stakes game they could both enjoy. Plus both Helsknight and xB were just prickly enough that most folks looking for a fight passed them over, and any who didn't, xB and Helsknight could solidly knock around. xB wasn't a PvPer, but he was big and thorny, and his sharp teeth were good for more than just popping bottle caps.

"You're up," Helsknight told him, leaning against the wall and chalking his pool cue.

"Does that really help?" xB asked, lining up his next shot. He cracked the cue ball into a bunch, breaking them apart. None of them sunk.

"No idea," Helsknight shrugged, putting the chalk back on the side of the pool table. "If it does, it's not in any way I can see."

"So why put it on?"

"That's all this game is good for. Knocking things around and getting chalk on your hands."

"It's also good for avoiding things," xB smirked. "Left the cue by the eight ball for you."

"Rude."

"Just keeping your life interesting."

Helsknight danced around the table, trying to find a good angle and making increasingly frustrated faces. xB smirked and took another sip of his beer, and then grimaced, because he forgot how bad it was. He needed to make sure he remembered this brand so they never got it again. Helsknight had just about lined up his shot when the lights in the already dimly lit bar space flickered ominously. xB raised a questioning eyebrow in the knight's direction.

"What was--"

"XB!" Welsknight came stumbling out of nowhere, all tin-can-armor-clatter. Stumbled into the pool table, shaking the eight ball into the side pocket.

"Hah! I win," xB grinned.

"You did not," Helsknight snapped, slamming his cue in the pool table. "That wasn't fair and you know it!"

"He's your other half dude. It counts."

Helsknight's eyes narrowed, and xB held up placating hands. (He forgot how much Hels and Wels hated each other sometimes. Really it was like watching brothers argue.)

"What in hels is going on?!" Welsknight demanded, re-injecting himself into the conversation. "xB, Hypno said you--"

"See, I told him not to tell you where I was," xB huffed, crossing his arms. "That was just rude of him."

"What are you even doing here?!"

"Playing pool," xB smiled, at about the same time Helsknight spat, "None of your damn business!"

The two knights glared at each other.

xB quietly wondered if he should interrupt their spat or egg them on.

The large ghast behind the bar counter hissed, grabbing all of their attention. It wafted a tentacle over to tap a sign, that said: Anyone caught fighting must buy a round for the bar, or be thrown out. xB looked back at Helsknight, watching him count first the other patrons in the bar, then the diamonds still left in his coin purse, do some mental math, and decide rather magnanimously that decking Welsknight wasn't worth it.

xB offered Welsknight a pool cue, "Care to join us?"

Welsknight eyed the pool cue like it was a snake, before begrudgingly taking it. xB went to get a new stick for himself while Helsknight begrudgingly reset the game.

It really was a good game when you wanted to avoid things.

[absoluteabsolem]

okay guys i'm having a brainrot on my way to work about goncharov bc of all your sexy meta posts but i haven't seen a single one talking about the flowers in this film so indulge me

so i'm a florist right ? my n°1 passion when i watch a movie or a show is to trashtalk the flowers bc 99,9% of the time they look like shit. like. i made better arrangements during my first year of training. it makes me sad. yes goncharov is a brilliant film in itself but it gets a whole star just for the fucking flowers (i can't find the florist in the end credits if anyone knows pls tell me ??)

like we're talking thierry boutemy in marie-antoinette (2006) levels of artistry. all the arrangements are so BEAUTIFUL and i'm gonna talk about them. it will ofc mostly be about katya lmao bc men yet have to express themselves through delicate floral jewellery (i wish they did though. i am waiting). katya doesn't have that many lines for a main character but her presence and the colours speak for themselves. sorry i'm on mobile i don't have any pictures

alright so of course you have the wedding. everything is so fucking opulent it's a cascade of wealth you have almost no foliage at all except eucalyptus and that shit is expensive. there are more peonies than you could ever count and the roses are soooo beautiful (i think most of them are juliet peach roses but i can't be 100% sure) like. i could smell it from my couch it was as if i was there aaaa the fucking wax flowers and scabiosas i love scabiosas so much !! and the perfect balance between flowers of different sizes !!! it was wonderful i mean you've seen them

but what i love about these arrangements is that they're all in white and yellow. it's an unusual combo for a wedding even if white is a classic wedding colour in western cultures and yellow isn't so weird at the heart of summer. yellow is however also the colour of jealousy and betrayal and idk if you ever noticed but andrey's boutonniere is the ONLY ONE that is just yellow. you don't have the white carnation (associated with love. screaming) on it like everybody else. also note that katya's bouquet is only white which is all about purity elegance etc. i do think however that the colours of andrey and katya's flowers on that day are more about the way goncharov feels about them at that point in the story, rather than their own feelings.

we also see katya wear several decorated combs in her hair throughout the film (idk enough about hair stylism to comment of the haircuts themselves so i'll stick to the flowers). the first we see are pretty simple and not rly noticeable, white and pastel pink, typical discreet but feminine stuff. p much like the rest of her wardrobe up until the boat scene where things get interesting.

this is where katya meets sofia who is wearing that rly fucking gorgeous burgundy (ambition, power and wealth) dress and look i know monica bellucci can wear anything and be beautiful but fucking hell. i mean i'm gay but i briefly questioned myself for a second there. anyway. the boat shenanigans happen and once katya goes back home and pretends she didn't almost get fucking killed, the flowers in her hair are burgundy. i mean i know we have the fruit market a bit later but the comb is what sold me on that ship. i see you katya

when she almost shoots goncharov (if we were rly in love you wouldn't have missed AAAAAAA i'm normal) she has a super pretty mix of blue hydrangea/eucalyptus in her hair. blue is the colour of control and tranquility and i thought it was very sexy of her. she still has them when sofia leaves her and i love how you can see the tears about to fall down her cheeks but she doesn't allow it. things got out of hand but she's not willing to lose control of herself in front of sofia and i think ultimately it's what fucked things up between them but i try not to think about it too hard

what DOES however keep me awake at night is that martin scorsese rly thought it was okay to have red bouquets everywhere made in the exact style of goncharov and katya's wedding in goncharov's home when andrey shows up to kill him. i mean the subtext isn't even subtext at this point it's like saying point break isn't gay but the flowers are the fucking cherry on top. andrey shoots him and he doesn't miss because he loves him and in case you're too dense to understand that here is a decadent display of red and burgundy. it is the colour of love it is the colour of violence and in their case one simply does not go without the other and i am so fucking normal about this

[xdeewolfx]

About rambling on about your day at trww screening, I would love to hear about it!

anon i love u ..... i'll put it under a cut cuz this might get long winded i love talking thank u

SO i went to the uh, august 12th ? the real will wood screening in new jersey last year. i think it was the last of 3 or so shows that day so it was taking place later in the evening. i got there uh Way Stupid Early because i wanted NOTHING to go wrong (i have chronic bad luck). the nice people at the movie theater were very kind, they let me sit inside and wait cuz it was hot out, they chatted with me a bit, and were just generally really cool people. i sat in the theater lobby for a bit, saw there was a merch table cleared and waiting to be set up. i didnt approach cuz im not That Kinda Person but i was like omg, thats gotta be for trww screening right. some people would come and go out of the direction of trww theater, mostly helpers. but THEN, im sitting there and i see tall guy in hat walk behind the table, rummage around in a bag, and start eating a lil snacky snack. the lobby was kinda dark and im blind as a bat anyway so it didnt click for me in the moment. i tried not to stare, only glanced up a few times. but eventually he looked up too and i was like wait that is THE real will wood. i stayed calm and casual, he waved at me, and i waved back with a sorta exasperated "oh my god, are you will wood?" and he just laughed and nodded. i told him i was there for the 7pm showing, and he (SO very shocked) was like "oh- oh my god? i thought you were here for the matinee!"

so that alone was super fucking cool. i didnt try to keep him or nerd out too much cuz at the end of the day he is just like, A Guy. yeah i really like his music but i didnt wanna be a freak or anything. he walked off and im like keysmashing in the discord group chat to my friends. chris appeared a few times too, walked outside for a smoke or to take a call or whatever. i smiled at him a few times but didnt have any one-on-ones and again didnt wanna be weird and pull him away from what he was doing or whatever.

after a bit, will walks out of the theater and approaches me. he leaned in and whispered "you can just... sneak in, if you want" with like the sneakiest smirk and im like UH ! UH ! UHHH!!!! because holy fucking shit no way will wood himself just offered to sneak me into the showing before the one i paid for? i just thanked him and he walked off, i didn't end up sneaking in cuz i had VIP for my actual showing and didnt wanna risk being kicked out of the theater. i mean, im sure will would have had my back but i just did NOT wanna risk it yfeel.

those were kinda the last interactions i had before one of the theater guys told me i probably wanna go stand outside to line up because people were starting to show up for the show i paid for. super cool of him. he walked me outside and i stood at the front, met some very awesome people, chatted for uh idk how long. time was moving so weird i was so excited.

before the line got too long, i noticed will and chris were sitting on a bench a ways down and i was like shit. h. okay. want to interact, i want to get them each to draw a little doodle in this sketchbook i brought. told myself i'd get will to draw a little black cat (had a black cat named jynx that i love and adore and miss so dearly) and chris to draw a little black dog (had a black lab named Q who i also love and adore and miss so dearly) and i knew this was my chance. sure i could do it at the meet-and-greet part of the vip experience i paid for but like. i knew there'd be a line of people and they'd want to expedite the process so i just went for it. i waited for a good window where nobody else was around so they wouldnt be overwhelmed. i, probably in the most sopping wet of a man way, shyly walked up and excused myself, asked if i could talk to them, to which they were both super cool and chill with it. i thanked them for their time, asked them if they could each draw what i was thinking of. will took the marker first while i explained why a black cat was so important and significant to me, and he listened with such genuineness.

i asked will if i could possibly get this tattoo'd one day, and he said “now i’m going to let you know. maybe some day i’ll strip down naked and run down the street saying slurs. so i might be CANCELLED some day. and if you have this on your body you will be called out on twitter. just so you know” which, funniest fucking response ever. what a fuckin king.

after that, i asked chris to draw a lil dawgie. he was much less enthused about having to draw but he DID it, he did like a step by step narration as he drew, ("how did I manage to make it look like a dick and a vagina at the same time") i told him he was doing great and got a very nervous "dont PATRONIZE me!" but it was all in fun and we all got a really good laugh out of that too i think. all in all both REALLY funny guys and good sports.

after that i thanked them both profusely and walked back to my spot in line. i met and chatted with even MORE people until the actual lineup for the show began. will opened the door and ushered us all in, this time in a different theater than the one he was in earlier in the day. this one was past the merch table, i kinda just walked straight past it to the theater because they werent even selling things yet, just getting things set up. everyone else behind me seemed to linger though, so i kinda just like. stood in the doorway of the theater nervously, not knowing what to do.

will walked up and asked me what was wrong, i told him i was nervous and didnt want to go in there by myself since nobody else was following. hes like, "awh, you're not alone! we'll go in there together" to which i knee-jerk replied with "omg we're besties." not the worst thing i could have said but i did feel quite silly, its alright tho he laughed so hopefully it wasnt like. too awkward LMAOOO.

chris was already in the theater waiting, will told me to sit anywhere so i just kinda sat directly at the front (later i'd learn that i picked the seats directly behind chris and will, pretty neat). some announcements were made as people started filing in, then the VIP part started. i once again was first in line, i didnt really have anything more to say or do besides take a picture with them and get them to sign the drawings they'd done earlier. when i popped open the book for chris to sign his dog, he just "jesus i hate looking at this thing". jokes on you chris i love looking at it. its hanging on my wall riiight now. probably wont get it tattoo'd (sorry) but its okay he begged me not to anyway.

i felt kinda silly and im kicking myself for it a bit, but after this photo chris was like "thanks for comin out and supporting us," and then sorta paused like he expected me to fill in the blank and say my name (in hindsight i realized i. NEVER told them my name.) but i was too jittery and overwhelmed by all the people behind us so i just smiled and walked off. i know they probably wouldnt have remembered my name anyway cuz they met so many people that day but, its like damn ! what if !

i went and got popcorn after that and just watched as people filed in and got pics with will n chris, told nice stories and gave gifts, then it was time for the screening itself. before they shut off the lights, will ran down the isle giving everyone high fives, starting with me since i was right at the front. SO fuckin cool.

the rest of the show was just, ykno, watching The Real Will Wood and sometimes getting gags or commentary from chris and will. at one point, when the song 2012 started playing, a guy next to me shouted the loudest "FUCK!" in time with the song. this got will to sit up and slowly turn around with a puzzled look, then he just "nice man" and gave the dude a high five. there was also a funny gag where someone pulled out a lighter and waved it all slow concert-style to Bones, so naturally everyone else pulled out their phone flashlights and it lit up the entire fuckin theatre. will and chris both turned around and just “jesus fucking christ” because it was SO GODDAMN BRIGHT. theres actually a pic of me doing the flashlight thing from will's instagram story LMAOO, i was honestly in a decent amount of his story shots (im the one in the orange shirt). pretty neato.

i didnt get any videos or pictures during the show itself because 1. its a movie. duh. but also cuz my phone was like, RAPIDLY losing battery and i could not risk it dying in case of an emergency. thats alright tho, im okay with the memories of that being in my brain :]

after the show, chris and will thanked everyone and we all sloooowly filed out to the merch table. since i was at the front of the theater, i was one of the last ones out, but thankfully i got the merch i wanted. bought a tshirt and a few albums. met a few people in line that i still talk to every now and then. at the very end, again since i was one of the last ones to the merch line, chris and will were just hanging out thanking people and saying goodnight. since the picture from in the theater kiiinda sucked lighting wise and was a little blurry, i asked if i could take a selfie with them. they were both really cool about it, i thanked them yet again, and then i was off. i sat in a corner charging my phone while i waited for an uber, and that was the day done :]

thank you for letting me ramble, anon, i love thinking about this day. i have chronic bad luck but everything was going right for once and im so thankful for it. i'd love to meet chris and will again some day, they are such genuine and nice people

[laundrybiscuits]

(wait for the season to come back to me tag)

“We still on for dinner this Thursday, or are you gonna reschedule again? Because I swear to god, Steve, I will break into your apartment and set up camp if I have to. It’s been years. Centuries.”

“It’s been a month, Henderson.”

“I barely remember who you are anymore. What’s your name again? How do I know you? We’re actually very happy with our current cable provider, thanks.”

God, that kid is such an asshole. Steve loves the shit out of him.

“Listen, I’ll see you on Thursday and explain everything, okay? Actually, uh—I’m kinda calling to give you a heads-up. Got some big news, so you should, like…brace yourself.”

Dustin’s quiet for a long, worrying moment.

“Steve. You have got to know that that’s the least helpful thing you could possibly say. You’re not even gonna give me a hint, man?”

“Wish I could. It’s not a bad thing, okay? Just big. Like…Upside Down big.”

“Okay, for my own peace of mind, I’m going to pretend you’re completely overreacting about the fact that you, like, got a dog or something.”

“I’m not—”

“Peace of mind, Steve! See you Thursday at my place! Don’t cancel or I’ll kill you!”

Steve’s left laughing into the dial tone. Honestly, he’d mostly called so Dustin couldn’t complain afterwards about not getting an advance warning. There’s just no way to hint at the whole Eddie thing without Eddie being present and accounted for; it would be the worst kind of cruel.

Steve can’t imagine what he’d have done to anyone who tried to tell him Eddie was alive without any kind of proof. It wouldn’t have been good.

“So we’re telling Henderson on Thursday?” Eddie jostles Steve’s shoulder. Steve thinks he’s been doing that a lot more lately.

“Seems like,” says Steve.

———

They take the train to Dustin’s place in Wilmette as soon as it gets dark out. Eddie’s bundled up in a nondescript hoodie and one of Steve’s denim jackets, looking like every other Chicagoan braced against the cool evening air.

They haven’t been going out all that much. Robin keeps asking if Eddie wants to do any tourist stuff, maybe the museums or something, but he always shrugs off the offers. Steve would’ve maybe expected him to want to get out and explore, now that he’s not cooped up anymore, but Eddie mostly seems to want to sleep, read, and watch TV.

Robin’s been on a campaign to educate Eddie about the ten years of pop culture he missed. “It’s essential for rehabilitation,” she says. Steve is pretty sure it’s just an excuse to make them rewatch all of Robin’s favorite movies, because some of the stuff she brings home was definitely already out in 1986.

Eddie draws the line at letting Robin show him music, though: “Nope, nuh-uh, no freaking way. I wouldn’t have listened to that shimmery synth shit if I’d been alive and free every single day of the last decade, and I’m not gonna listen to it now.”

Steve does have a few metal cassettes, but he feels weird about bringing them out. It feels like he’s crossing a line, somehow—admitting to something. So instead, they’d all traipsed over to the Tower Records a few blocks over, and let Eddie roam around sampling things.

To Steve’s surprise, Eddie hadn’t actually picked up that many metal albums. He'd grabbed the new Accept and some Alice in Chains, sure, but he also picked up Nirvana and Soundgarden. He had gotten into a conversation with a very helpful clerk that ended with the clerk scribbling a number on a business card and handing it over with a grin and a promise to make Eddie try some local act called Wilco next time.

Obviously Steve’s happy that Eddie’s making friends and charming people. He’s legitimately fucking thrilled that other people are finally seeing how great Eddie is, because Eddie deserves that. Eddie deserves the world, and if he wants to date some random clerk, he should get to.

It’s just that if Eddie Munson comes back from the dead to start dating some random clerk, Steve is going to have to go live at the bottom of Lake Michigan. That’s all.

[crushedsweets]

tumblr user crushedsweets i am here to ask you another question about toby nat and nina. if nina was able to convince them into having a sleepover, how do you think it would go. what games would they play? what snacks would they make? who would inevitably wind up passing out on the floor with the other two comfortable on the bed? who would fall asleep first? i love them so much and i love your hcs for them

tumblr user anon i am here to cry because this is the perfect ask.... ok im starting now. this is mostly nina-centric cuz toby and nat are just following along. much more playful type headcanons

ok. ok.

toby would totally let nina and nat stay the night at his cabin if the other proxies were gone, he wouldn't need much convincing cuz nat already stays over a lot and ninas ... sweet enough. but in that case he wouldn't let them do any sleepover type stuff bc 'its my house im not watching twilight' (twilight reminds him of lyra). it wouldnt really be a fun sleepover or anything, but they'd bake cookies or something with nina for sure. prob got high/drunk too

now for more cutesy less edgy stuff...... i will be babygirlifying them all for these hcs... sorry not sorry. not canon to creeped(MAYBE).

BUT she'd definitely have to do more coaxing to get toby to come to her apartment. she lives in the city and that's not really his thing, but nat works over there so it's whatever to her.

assuming jeff is gone (only way tobys coming over), nina would be so cute about it. she'd have a blow up mattress set up in the living room, brought several bags of different candies and chips, put up random fairy lights, lit some candles so it smells sweet. her apartment is usually a little messy cuz she's a busy girl but for them . . she cleaned.

i could see nina being a really touchy person, constantly hooking arms with people and hugging them and playing with peoples fingers and stuff. it would take toby and nat forever to get used to it bc its admittedly kinda weird and invades personal space but she's so genuine with it and sweet and like :D theyre like OKAY FINE . so they'd just be walking around doing whatever and nina would pop up grabbing them like 'what r u doing in my kitchen :) the movies still playing :) youre missing the climax :) theres food out there :) youre making me mad :)'. or sitting watching a movie n she dozes off on their shoulder. etc.

nina would be swapping movies between things like 'to all the boys ive ever loved' to like... saw. oddly enough nat and toby are more likely to sit still and watch the romcoms just cuz they get invested in the plot ... LMFAO

i cant see nina actually getting them to play any sleepover games, BUT she'd hook up a switch. she'd try to play smth like overcooked with them but they rage too fucking hard and she has to swap to like. a mario game.

ok maybe she could get them to play like 2 rounds of truth or dare or never have i ever.

nat would like sour and hard candy... toby would like chocolate candy and baked stuff.... so nina would get the candy together and make them all bake some brownies.

she'd also make them make normal sugar cookies and try to decorate them but toby would make the ugliest fucking cookie possible and give up and let the girls decorate.

realistically nat and nina would end up on the air mattress and toby on the couch, BUT if they were stuck with just a bed, toby would take the floor. he'd offer cuz he's not about to share a bed with either of them.. but he'd prob wake up with nina on the floor too cuz nat KICKS in her sleep. nina curls up like a cat

nina falls asleep first. toby falls asleep last.

nina would try to convince them to let her do their makeup but toby would get irritated that she'd even ask. .

she'd defintely make them do skincare with her though .. nina uses snail mucin and the other two think she's weird.

the next morning ninas awake first and making pancakes. she walks away to go to the bathroom and gets distracted by washing her face and doing her hair and stuff and burns them so bad it wakes toby up... he comes in and turns off the stove and just waits for her to come back to call her dumb.

nat wakes up last and is so disorientated for like 30 mins after waking up... she just eats the food like a zombie until nina makes her wash her face again and shes up properly.

she'd try to get them to stay as long as possible, but theyre exhausted and as sweet as nina is, she's a bit much . . so they go home LOL. but nina would send them the cutest little "thank u for coming over i had fun i love u guys :3" text the next day and theyll feel kinda bad for leaving.

nina is just such a genuinely nice girl .... she just wants to live the teenage dream well into her 20s because she was um. Um. she behaved in a way. that um. highschool was not the most pleasant. and threw many of her teen years away for Um. a man. of sorts.

[cdragons]

Hey! I miss interacting with u, hope you are doing well :)

What is the song that will most describe farleighs and y/ns friendship?

Hey! This is really sweet, anon! THank you! I'm doing great, I have a ton of exams and projects with school that are kind of kicking my butt rn, but today's my birthday so I am excited to share that with my family!

This is a really tough one, mostly because I never expected this friendship to be so popular with everyone. Although I shouldn't be surprised because Farleigh Start was actually so superior in the movie.

Personally, I think these songs really fit them

Gimme More by Brittany Spears

Bad Girls by M.I.A

That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony (also works for Annabel and Y/N)

So What by P!nk

Is You or Is You Ain't My Baby by Louis Jordan and His Tympany Five (look up Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with this song and TELL me that this won't be the most amazing duet with the pair)

Let me know in the comments of your opnions!

I feel like this is a good opportunity to give off some headcanons to describe the vibes I get from Fareligh and Y/n! There are also just my personal headcanons of Farleigh and his story in my AU! I made up these with the help of my internet soulmate @ethereal-athalia!

Here are some headcanons of my personal take of Farleigh's backstory in my AU and in general:

Is it weird if I can see Fareligh coming from New Orleans, Louisiana? Because I can absolutely see him giving off those vibes. He would fit PERFECTLY as a New Yorker, but I can't help but feel he would thrive in the Crescent City.

Farleigh really misses the States, and a big part of the reason he parties so much is to forget how homesick he is. I find it very odd that we are given this extremely intelligent character who would no doubt thrive in an Ivy League like Yale, Harvard, or Brown, but he's stuck in England. James definitely could have just paid for his education there, so why send him to England? Furthermore, why does James cover him up so much? Is it really just because he's family?

Remember when Felix told Oliver that Farleigh got kicked out of every school in England bc he "sucked the teachers off"? First off, ew. Secondly, sure, Farleigh is a bit of a hedonist, but all of his behavior just kind of screams to me that he's really and genuinely unhappy in England and wants to go back. That might be a reason why he was so reluctant for Felix to get close to Y/N since Chapter 1 of 'Fuck Everything.'

Furthermore, it really bothers me how nonchalant Felix is about telling Oliver that piece of information. Even if he knows that Farleigh wouldn't really care, that is still very private information about a young boy who was taken advantage of by teachers who were in a position that allowed them to abuse their power.

Also, for a film that exposes so much about its characters, we really don't know a lot about Farleigh Start and his story, specifically his family in the States.

The part where Farleigh's mom is terrible with money and constantly needs handouts from her brother, James, is very realistic - that part, I believe. But I feel like there is a lot missing with his dad.

Was his dad actually as brutish and abusive as Felix said to Oliver? Personally, I don't really see it. Even at first glance, the way Farleigh carries himself is leagues different from the rest of the Cattons. He's observant and takes in details. He uses all this information as a weapon for any opponent he goes up against.

In my opinion, I could absolutely see Farleigh's dad being a completely normal and decent person with a job as a librarian or English professor. This idea is mostly stemmed from when Fareligh made the 'thus' argument against Oliver's essay at the beginning of the movie, and this seems like something Farleigh knows as if being explained about it from a very early age.

The reason I think his father is ill-portrayed is because I feel like Farleigh's mother met him while she was in America and was intrigued by his unassuming self and married him. But then she got bored because she wasn't living the high and expensive life she was living in England with her family.

Eventually, she got bored and decided to use Farleigh as an excuse to get money from James. Farleigh's dad might have wanted custody of his son but was threatened by his ex-wife that he would never see his son again.

Farleigh is aware of his mother's toxic tendencies, but she's his mother and he loves her anyway. He know she's leeching off of him to get to her brother. But what are his other options? Let her fend for herself?

This is probably so far-fetched and a huge reach, but the Cattons are portrayed as people who love to feed off their own sense of entitlement over others by showing of 'generous' and 'charitable' they are to take of other people. When anything bad happens to them, they wear it like a trophy. Maybe that's what happened with Farleigh?

NOW! Onto Farleigh and Reader (also ft. Michael Gavey bc he's bb):

Being around Y/N is like being at home for the first time in forever (cue Frozen song) for Farleigh. When they start talking, Y/N is extremely skeptical of his intentions because she thinks that he's just trying to help out Felix. But nope! He just wants a genuine friend.

Y/N makes it clear to Farleigh from the beginning that if he wants to be friends with her, he needs to be friends with Michael. Michael Gavey and Y/N L/N are a package deal. You want one? You get the other.

Farleigh keeps his friendship with Reader a secret from Felix and is helped by Annabel (our girl got a taste of true kindness, sees Felix Catton for the leech he is, and is now part of the Y/N protection club)

With Y/N, he doesn't feel the need to party or drink until he gets alcohol poisoning to have a good time. He learns to have quiet nights doing homework or playing stupid board games with made-up rules.

Michael and Y/N introduce him to DnD, and he's the classic Bard player who rolls for charisma and ends up f*cking his party out of danger every time. Michael is a paladin, and Y/N is a monk, in case you were wondering.

Y/N sometimes uses Farleigh to model for some of her portraits. She learns to appreciate him because she and Michael do need to be reminded sometimes that it's okay to cut loose at times and that spreading their wings won't kill them.

Y/N and Farleigh definitely geek out over art history and literature (symbolism, plot holes, motifs, etc.) and are BIG soul and blues fans. When they all hang out in Y/N's dorm, they will be listening to James Brown, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ray Charles till dawn.

Y/N is someone whom Farleigh can have actual mind-stimulating conversations with in a manner that's respectful but also wildly entertaining. They will discuss everything from rousing debates about politics and current events to philosophical queries about the omegaverse and mpreg.

Michael pretended he wasn't a fan until they caught him singing along to 'Hit the Road Jack' and they never let him forget it.

Also, Farleigh is a MAJOR Michael Gavey x Y/N fan. He wants them to get together SO BADLY! But he won't do this in a productive/uncomplicated way. Nonononono, he plans to make the most convoluted, dramatic, and needlessly complicated schemes to get these two nerds together for his own amusement. *Nudge* *Nudge* *Wink* *Wink*

Real talk though, Fareligh genuinely loves Y/N and her presence as a friend. He has all these expectations placed on him and fake friends who only want to be around him for his cousins. To be around someone who not only misses home like him but also truly appreciates him as an individual and not as a commodity for networking means the world to him.

If Y/N ever does go to Saltburn for the summer (*foreshadowing*), Farleigh will do everything in his power to make sure she won't get sucked into his relatives' fake and shallow schemes.

Also, as a bonus, he loves ranting and trash-talking Oliver with Y/N and Michael. It's like free therapy with better snacks because Michael always brings candy.

These are all the ones I can think of for now, but let me more in the comments or in my ask box if you want more! It really means so much that you guys love this AU so much!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments for future Saltburn AU stuff!

"Fuck Everything, But Mostly Fuck You" Masterlist

Tagging: @ethereal-athalia, @arcielee, @valeskafics, @asa-do-your-thing, @aphroditesmoon, @axelsagewrites, @the1999kid, @poolnoodlerescuer, @aemondsbabe, @@winterblu2, @abaker74, @whereismymindnow, @agustdeeyaa, @iamavailablesstuff, @bonnieblue0606, @st-eve-barnes, @@nyxthoughtss, @immyowndefender, @@ilovemydinoboi, @ahristata, @cxp1d, @jinsoulorbitzen12, @temptation-waits, @bollzinurmouth, @jcngw0ns, @seababehh, @destinydestnation, @lankyboi4, @mindless-rock, @cassavacake, @paradisepoison, @@pansexualpamandabear, @erikasurfer, @@lissamans, @cookielovesbook-akie, @thesmutconnoisseur, @izzyisstuff, @lariisouz, @mioshasworld, @themorriganisamonster, @bre99, @babypinkditto

[dumpster-fire-sapphic-failgirl]

okay. but. go with me on this one

I was thinking about how creepy cute it was that Auggie, when hearing Arlo might turn into a shadow demon, asked her if she was single

and Arlo, in classic Arlo fashion, replied that she was taken… by her fiancé, Auggie. In a way that could have been her playing up a bit or having missed that it was a bit

and it got me thinking that, in a horror movie sense, Auggie has big Final Girl energy. Which brings me to my next point

we don’t know the name of Tal’s Lightkeeper/Narrator, right?

we just know that he’s the Lightkeeper of *our* circle, and we’re investigating these cases they’ve… left behind?

so wouldn’t it be fucked up if, in the final case report at the end of the 3rd episode… our Lightkeeper signs off as “August James”?

Anyway, here’s to hoping that the hot-mom/weird girl/hole-in-head dad trio makes it through the July episode mostly intact

[rebelrayne]

what my husband thinks of the casa amor boys (plus toby as a bonus)

Under the cut

Andy

His earring looks like a little fucking handsaw. He has a handsaw on his ear. Who told him to stand like that? His 12 year old sister? Looks like one of those awkward guys that says “what do I do with my hands?” The way he holds his feet, he probably has a foot fetish. You could almost miss his nipples cause they’re not a natural color. He’s got a weird bump on his foot. And his left foot is way fatter than his right foot. What the fuck? He has a size 13 one foot and 9 on the other. What the fuck it looks like he’s wearing a ring on his left hand??? He’s a bottom. A sub bottom. Like a very submissive bottom. He looks like he has daddy issues. If you stan Andy, I will laugh at you and not take you seriously. Anything you say is not canon. Between him and Francis, they should be the most hated. I almost hate him as much as I hate Lewie. Probably has tea parties with stuffed animals. They call him “sir short stick”.

Francis

He looks like the fucking guy from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ like the one that Sarah Marshall goes to Hawaii with. Does he go to the hair stylist 3 times a week to get his color right? No, that’s not a real beard he drew it on. Did he steal his grandma’s coat and sandals??? AND BRACELET??? Oh my God, JESS! He’s got a small hand like the guy from scary movie- “grab my strong hand!!” Looks like he’s into paranormal shit like he’s a ghost chaser. The AI did a fucking terrible job, it tried to mix scary movie small hand guy, a grandma and Russell Brand. I can’t tell if he had a belly button. Is he an alien??? This guy creeps me out. And his posture- just the way he holds himself. He’s creepy. He’s a version of Joe Goldberg that stole his grandmas sweater that’s his undercover outfit. The sweater is literally his baseball cap. Is that enough? Or should I keep going about his grandmas sandals she got during 1 AD? Those sandals saw Jesus they were there on resurrection day. Practices celibacy as a religion. If he was born in Spartan times, they would throw him to the wolves or over a cliff. I kind of wanna spartan kick him myself. See a special meme made by Jessie’s husband below:

Hamish

That’s fucking Tom 2.0 mixed with Zac Efron. He looks like he came out of fucking Baywatch. Been staring at Pamela Anderson’s tits. Got a knock-off Rolex. Not much to make fun of- this guy seems mostly normal. He doesn’t have any qualities I can laugh at. Even his posture and how he holds his hands is manly. Looks like he’s ready to punch Lewie in his asshole lips. I brought up he has small feet and he defended him. He has an average size dick, probably like 5.5 inches. He’s the guy everyone should want to get (unless he is a closet asshole). But even then, there’s a binary code of how much of an asshole he can be. He looks like he has a Christian Grey mentality. Probably has a red room and it’s hidden. Fuck now there will be fanfics of him doing BDSM… his nickname would be “Lord Ladies Man”. JESSIE’S HUSBAND STAMP OF APPROVAL - first and only one this season.

Marshall

Starts laughing that he has a butterfly on his chest. Why did he get a tramp stamp on his chest?? These tattoos are almost as bad as Will’s. Captain Jack Sparrow if he was a hipster. Most definitely swings both ways. I want to cut off his manbun when he’s sleeping… like half these tattoos don’t make any sense. He probably has shorty tattooed on his dick and it probably still says shorty when it’s erect. At least his chin isn’t square like Ozzy’s. This guy is weird looking and his tattoos give me the heebie jeebies. He’s a fucking dumpster rat. He’d be the king’s jester and wear clown makeup. Tries to juggle three balls- can’t find them. He looks like he enjoys his venti Starbucks drinks: “Can you froth the milk please sir?” Looks homeless, searches the road for pennys or whatever British cheap change is. Probably has OnlyFans for his feet.

BONUS: Toby

He literally looks like the kind of guy that is used as the main character in the game— he looks like a default setting lol he’s a random fucking palette. Looks like Vin Diesel’s baby brother I’m going to call him baby diesel. Why are his arms so short? At least he didn’t skip leg day. If you chopped off his head, he’d look like the perfect speciman of a man. Head looks like it should be on a crackheads. It’s small. Looks like he should be on prison break. Surprised he has no tattoos - looks like he’s been to prison a few times. Kind of sad he’s the last one… I wish Francis was the last one instead. Toby’s skin tone is off… his color is different from his head to feet. The AI said “lol not my fucking problem.” It said “make perfect man body with generic ass head.” Bro is gonna be NPC for life. (“You sound like Elliot” “shut the fuck up”). He’s so bland they gave him white swim shorts.

A/N to my fans: I love you degenerates. I work very hard at this to entertain and give you guys a full insight to what these characters really are. I appreciate your constant gratitude and thank you for allowing me to be your roast king. All other attempts are failures and they can come find me if they have something to say. I hope you all read this and then go back to read it again because it makes you happy. That is all.

PS: the AI really helped with these roasts this season because the character designs sucked. They made it very easy for me. I’d also really like to thank my top supporter, @caitkaminski . She’s been a fan for a long time (Apparently I am not a supporter). Here’s to next season. I will miss doing these til then. In the wise words of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, aka Maui: “You’re welcome.”

[andromerot]

my pedro almodóvar marathon. thoughts, feelings, tier list

or, i spent like 50 hours on this so i better get to post about it

well, i'd be lying if i said i set out to do this with any clear goals in mind. i sort of just wanted to watch movies. this year i set out to watch through a couple of directors entire works, but ran into complications or got bored. so anyway when i finished my term i decided id try a third time with my best friend pedro. i had watched five of his films already but was mostly unaware of other things he had made. on the 22nd of november i started with matador, then went on and in exactly a month i had watched all of his feature films yayyy

so this is how i ranked them on letterboxd and this is a tier list. this doesnt really sum up my thoughts though so im leaving a little review for each below the cut, in the order i watched them in this month hope someone cares :) thank you

matador (1986): ohhhhhh my god. absolutely unexpected how insane this movie made me. many people say its not very good, i dont think that's true. transgressive, erotic, camp, necrosexual, implicit faggot tension, beautiful costuming, insanely talented cast of so many characters sick in the head. watching this one first really hyped me up to keep at it and to close out the month i rewatched it the other day and though it was less surprising than the first time i watched it its maybe my favorite now :) it has structural flaws i suppose. but i love it

¿que he hecho yo para merecer esto? (1984): pretty funny! not bad at all, i remember enjoying it as i watched it, it just wasnt very memorable. i enjoy every performance by carmen maura, chus was stellar as always and forqué was really sweet in this one too, i liked it. i literally forgot half of the plot though. did anyone remember the telepathic child or the faked hitler diaries? i didnt until i looked it up.

la ley del deseo (1987) (rewatched): showed this one to my friend, god its iconic. some of my favorite chiques almodovar. so fun to watch and so silly even though its not quite a comedy. the fact that antonio is just called antonio in this one makes me unwarrantedly happy. MAURA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!! very hot all around. i think i liked it better this time than the other two i had watched it.

pepi, luci, bom y otras chicas del montón (1980): everyone talks about how sexually transgressive 80s almodovar is and i was like yeah whatever until i watched this one. straight up trilogy of trash shit. so beautiful. i wish every movie was like this. no one likes it but i adored it. erecciones generales will stay in my mind forever and i loved the musical numbers. and the piss, of course.

entre tinieblas (1983): also somewhat forgettable, though i watched it while pretty worried about something else so maybe i didnt give it the attention it deserved. its not a bad time but i wouldn't rewatch it. based on the premise you think it'd be better.

la flor de mi secreto (1995) (rewatched): OH GOD. until last month my favorite almodóvar, its been outdone but it still destroys me. its terribly underrated. i dont even know what i can say about it... marisa paredes is stunning at doing desperation. the boots, the scene at the protest, the initial meeting with ángel, the poem in the car, that moment in the hall. it's beautiful and breathtaking. lesbian film history, i promise.

todo sobre mi madre (1999): like, its good, but i dont get what people see in it that makes it so acclaimed. again paredes is great in this, but penélope is somewhat tame compared to what she does later, and this is the point in the list where i have to admit cecilia roth is not very good to me and all my compatriots start throwing rocks at me. listen i just wish she'd stop doing that stupid accent its so fucking bad cecilia sincerate seguro sos de villa crespo. anyway its fine if a bit weird about trans women, but hes always a hit or miss w that

átame (1989): took a big break between the last one and this one for some reason. anyway, pretty funny, except it really drags in the middle. shouldnt have been that long, but victoria abril always slays and the last scene is wonderful.

tacones lejanos (1991): WOAHHHHH! really cool i liked it. i love a mother daughter thing especially this mother and this daughter. really fun doppelganger story and i love how it was told, i found it both melodramatic and subtle? miguel bosé makes a really pretty girl, this will inform my every subsequent rewatch of suspiria. big fan of his gender. dance number fucked obvs

kika (1993) (rewatch): ok, i know why people don't like this one, but its so silly... cmon. it sillay. once again incredible abril performance, the costuming my god.... her character makes the whole movie i wish i was her. lesbian rossy de palma was wonderful and every forqué performance is a delight. pedro getting hitchcockian with it to slightly trick the audience is a staple of his 90s filmography, fucks.

carne trémula (1997): the title made me think it would be better! there was barely any carne. i didn't really see the point of most of it tbh, though based on how the movie starts and ends there might be some spanish historical context that im missing that makes it more interesting. strangely reminiscing of the buenos aires affair to me, but puig is better. yeah it was just pretty boring.

laberinto de pasiones (1982): YAYYYYYY i had some trouble torrenting so i watched it really out of order this but its SO FUN. obviously in the same vein as pepi luci bom but i liked it slightly more just for how unnecessarily elaborate it was. the one major role i dont mind roth being in and im a big fan of antonios gay terrorist with an ultradeveloped sense of smell character and arias is really into his very silly character too – he works well in secreto as well, i wish hed been on more almodovares, i should finally watch camila. liné was hilarious too. the problematic incest storyline was really funny to me sorryyyyy and i got a lot of gender out of the musical performances. hey can you believe that beautiful fag covered in blood is a franquista now. i can

hable con ella (2002): ehhhhhhh. some people really hate this one for the couple scenes i found most interesting, others love it for reasons i cant parse. its got parts that caught my attention a lot, but mostly it was eerie in an unenjoyable and uninteresting way and the backstories dragged on too long, especially grandinetti's. like i just don't care sorry. THE scene is quite disturbing though. i appreciated he decided to show rape in a more subtle light for once, it made it a lot more cruel and a lot more interesting.

la mala educación (2004) (rewatch): sighhhh. i really wish i liked this one. its got so many elements i am into – the colours are obviously spectacular, the unreliable multiple narrations and the disassembled timelines are always enjoyable to me, the attempt at social commentary is appreciated, some scenes are stunning (fictional ignacios head split in half is unforgettable) but quite honestly the characterization is so bad it bores me. i liked it more the first time i watched it just because of how confused i was, once i wasnt it lost its magic. maybe the worst in what is considered the "somewhat autobiographical movies about directors" trilogy (i think there's four of them but we'll discuss that later) probably because the character of enrique is so bland. i know its more but it feels that you only spend like five minutes with him. ángel/juan's motivations for anything are so puzzling, ignacio is just a caricature at this point and probably the character with the most depth is berenguer, which is ironic, i guess

volver (2006): WAHHH. its hard to talk about it honestly. it was so unexpectedly beautiful. the acting is so on point – penélope cruz and that beautiful carmen maura comeback are self evident, but blanca portillo is also stellar. it was fascinating from minute one and i couldnt keep my eyes off it. its written with such care and love. i suppose the plot itself is nothing out of this world, but the way it is handled is explosive. i really adored it.

los abrazos rotos (2009): the fourth bastard on the self insert series! cmon, its way more about himself than la mala educación. anyway, its good at some points, not very in others. the strong point is obviously the relationship between mateo, judit and diego, their refusal to be tied as a family and their desire to be tied by love is reaaaally interesting. the scene at the sea... but penélope and her millionaire and her millionaires son do nothing interesting at any point, im afraid to say. sad! surprisingly not very memorable, even though i didnt dislike it as i watched it. like i remember i liked some things but if a couple weeks later i dont remember what they were its probably the movies fault

la piel que habito (2011): AUGHHH OK. fuck. THIS ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. it wasnt it was really mid. when it started i was like oh is pedro trying out his hand at cronenberg and i was really excited because im SURE he can do cronenberg better than cronenberg but he didnt. it was worse. how are you giving your women less agency than that guy??? honestly probably the first ever film of his where this is a noticeable problem, though penélope in the last one should give us a hint. ughh it should have been good. im mad about that. no desire to question gender or power and the unchronological storytelling does nothing for me. BAD! if anything i recognized its sexual power for if banderas character was a woman i would be throwing up and convulsing on the floor. i hope vicente and his lesbian coworker had a beautiful romance i guess. i cant believe some people call this one one of the most controversial of his work....

los amantes pasajeros (2013): hm well everyone was like THIS is the bad one and i was like i bet you guys are just being mean but no yeah this is the bad one. its not funny and it drags on so long...i can usually defend the rape scenes in his movies, even in kika or hable con ella, but this one just sucks so bad. i was prepared to defend this movie but i cant. as soon as the movie started i was trying to guess where all the threads would connect, how all the characters would be linked and they mostly... weren't? also the reference to the gazpacho scene in mujeres made me groan out loud.

julieta (2016): well i dont really know what this was supposed to be....it feels on the surface it could have been really good but something about it felt so emotionless. it was an odd experience, watching it, because i expected to be moved by so many scenes and i never was. i dont know what the point of it was.

dolor y gloria (2019): ok yeah this one was sweet! didn't blow my mind or anything but it was very cleverly made...a really more beautiful way to do the childhood-as-movie thing than in mala educación, i really enjoyed it. nostalgia bores me sometimes but i feel hes not being annoying about it. long live old man yaoi (and finally an argentinian actor i DONT hate...) and that beautiful beautiful cave and that mind gripping apartment bringing in the characteristic insane set design but in a new way...i had a good time

madres paralelas (2021): oh this could have been so good! it wasnt but honestly i dont remember exactly why i disliked it. i suppose i didnt connect to the characters and that it is a story that requires that to engage you – their motivations were really out of place and unlike other movies that bothered me. really interesting premise, didnt work out. im sad about it. could have been cool.

yeah so that's it i only realized while writing this that i forgot to rewatch mujeres but obvs that ones very good, proper classic, quote it every time i eat gazpacho and such. also extraña forma de vida is a snore i refuse to watch it again. i hope this works as a rec list for someone. and i am ready to be stoned by my wrong opinions by the rest of you

[harrywavycurly]

I need more best friend Chrissy for my soul 🥺

Hiii babes!! Well I hope this makes your soul happy lol enjoy some more bff Chrissy talking with you about you’re new relationship with Eddie!💖

*You and Chrissy talk about everything…including Eddie’s hair care routine*

“Do I have to schedule our movie nights like a month in advance now?” “Don’t be so dramatic Chrissy you know I’d drop Eddie’s ass like a hot potato if you called and needed me.” “I’m going to test that out one day.” “I’d appreciate it if you did it on a Thursday night…maybe like…six or seven?” “What happens on Thursdays that you wouldn’t mind skipping out on?” “Band practice…” “I thought you said Eddie was great on the guitar? Something about his skilled fingers?” “I mean yeah the man has great…fingering skills..but-” “i don’t need to hear anything else about it please spare me the details.” “Like I was saying…half the time it’s practice but then mostly it’s like a mini hellfire meeting and I just wouldn’t mind missing a few practices here and there…” “why don’t you just go home if you don’t wanna watch him practice?” “Because I like to look at him…” “you’re so in love it’s gross.” “I know…I’ve got it bad…”

“He put a chapstick in every single one of my purses because he doesn’t want my lips to get cracked and gross since it’s starting to get cold outside…” “marry him.” “That’s not like…normal boyfriend behavior is it?” “I mean…neither of us have the best track record with who we’ve dated so I feel like Eddie is normal we just aren’t used to it?” “He got up early this morning and made me coffee and packed a lunch for me to take to work…I don’t know how to handle how nice he is sometimes.” “That’s understandable and he knows you’re history with men so…just let him love you the way you deserve.” “That’s the thing though…I don’t feel like I deserve him? Like he deserves someone so much better than me.” “We aren’t going down this road okay babes? You deserve to be treated like a fucking Queen and Edward Munson knows that…it’s why he treats you the way he does and there’s no getting better than you. You’re a fucking catch.” “You’re just saying that because you’re my bestfriend Chrissy.” “No as your bestfriend I’m the one who tells you the truth and that’s the truth…you deserve Eddie and he deserves you.” “If you say so..” “now the important question is…what did he pack you for lunch?”

“You’re fucking with me.” “I swear he doesn’t brush it.” “What’s he do then? Just run his fingers through it?” “He gets out of the shower and towels it for a few seconds and then shakes his head and that’s it.” “I don’t believe you.” “Chrissy I swear that’s how the man does his hair…trust me the first time I saw him do it I died a little inside.” “So…he’s never brushed it?” “He brushes it when it’s dry…” “no…no…why do you let him do that?” “His hair is his thing…I’ve tried to get him to let me show him how to properly deal with his curly hair but he refuses.” “He needs a hair intervention.” “The most he will do is let me put a conditioning mask on it but even then he only has the patience to leave it on for five minutes.” “He’s so annoying.” “He really is…thank god he’s cute.”

“He told me he loved me.” “Oh my god shut up.” “He said it like it was the most natural shit he could ever say and I just stood there in the middle of the frozen section of the mini mart like an idiot.” “He said it in the frozen food section? Is that like..a special place for you two?” “No…he grabbed my favorite ice cream and said and I quote..you may have questionable taste in ice cream flavors but I still love you….” “Uh everyone loves cookies and cream? He’s the weird one in this situation.” “Right? Like he likes rocky road…that shits gross.” “So…did you say it back?” “I did…I kinda shouted it because I was worried I had paused for too long and didn’t want him to take it back so yeah I just kinda yelled it at him…” “i mean it’s better than not saying it back?” “I agree and he only laughed for like a few seconds before he kissed me.” “In the middle of the frozen section of the mini mart?” “I mean the man told me he loved me I couldn’t like not let him kiss me?” “That’s true…” “so I guess…the ice cream section is kinda a special spot for us now?” “You two are the oddest couple I’ve ever met…”

[quietwingsinthesky]

Final Doctor Who TV Movie Thoughts

incredibly homosexual undercurrents. why’s the master Like That. they had to be doing that on purpose. i mean, just the robes alone. he dresses for the occasion. oh there’s definitely queercoding here. also he got tardis vored. nuwho bring up that time he got tardis vored challenge. no im not being weird about it i just want him to describe to the doctor what being digested by a time machine was like. did he enjoy it. wait come back i have more things to say about the movie-

eight is a sopping wet cat. i understand why he is beloved. i too wish to wrap him in a warm towel and/or beat him with hammers. he’s adorable. he’s fun. once again, somehow they managed to find a perfect guy to cast as the doctor. how do they do that. not a single miss so far??? out of the seven i’ve met??? not one????? incredible. loved his little vest, loved his humming, loved how he had absolutely zero chill ever and did not know how to Not talk about being a freak alien man, loved that he had amnesia for all of like seven minutes for no reason.

i really liked grace and lee. grace is a great straight man to the doctor’s bouncy nonsense, and she saved the day by figuring out the tardis :D also swerved the bullet of loving that man, thank GOD. get out of there girl. you saw what his ex was like. lee is my favorite kind of doctor who character, of which right now the category is him and lucy saxon. the master’s temp companions <3 love when that awful terrible man has to play nice to achieve his goals. love when he has to bond with people against his will. also hilarious to me that lee was just like ‘no, i really am just in this cause he’s gonna give me money and power.’ and the movie says he is RIGHT to want this, just wrong for trusting the master to give it to him, so he gets it in the end. good for him. direct action.

the plot was bonkers nonsense and that made it better. so funny to me that they retconned in the doctor being half-human but it never comes up as plot relevant ever and it will never be mentioned again. the eye of harmony is <3 bless <3 so fucking stupid <3 whys it take a human to open it. why can you open it when all it seems to do is suck up planets and time lord lives. why do they even have that lever. there’s like a horrifying implication here that time lords would keep a human onboard just so that they’d have a way to open their tardis’s eye of harmony. same energy as having a canary for your coal mine. i know this wasn’t intentional but it’s just fucked up enough that i almost want it to be canon despite it being so stupid, if only because it adds another layer to the doctor mostly seeming to gravitate towards human companions. but probably best if, like a lot of things this movie decides should be canon, we ignore it.

we shouldn’t ignore the master being able to goop people with his spit though. that’s hilarious. i wanna see them bring that back in modern who. look, any master would do BUT. i feel like for the best effect we gotta bring mr simm back so he can spit goop on people like a feral beast. here’s how saxteen can still win-

what else. what else. guys. that’s a really fun movie. it was Not good. but it was amazing. you get me? i had a great time. structurally it was a mess, the story was in shambles, but i do not care. all the characters were fun, the eighth doctor is fantastic, and i loved it. its probably gonna be a comfort movie of mine from now on. its just so silly.

[eccentric-nucleus]

so, i finally finished (posting) my huge, novel-length teenage mutant ninja turtles fanfic. i just posted the final epilogue over on ao3!

here is my director's commentary on it, if you want to read even more about it. this contains spoilers for the whole thing. maybe read the epilogue first and sit with that for a minute. also this will probably be pretty incoherent if you haven't read the whole thing. it's just a disconnected series of thoughts i have about the story, really

man, this story. this is maybe the longest thing i've ever written? like 'the new hive' and 'hell game' had more words (i think) but they were mostly a disconnected series of sex scenes with thin connective tissue between them. this is ~200k words of a single, linear, mostly-plot narrative. i'm writing scenes that aren't just about getting the two leads to fuck!! that's weird. it's definitely the most ambitious thing i've written. kind of weird that it's tmnt fanfic. that's just how it worked out, i guess.

so back in 2022 i watched the rise of the tmnt movie because people kept talking about the animation quality of the fights and that got me into a spiral of actually paying attention to the ninja turtles. i had never been into them & genuinely i think a huge part of getting into tmnt stuff was that rise actually varied the design of the turtles so that they weren't all basically identical save for color-coding. turns out visual design was the missing mystery ingredient.

also in 2022 i was burning out on writing 'goblin cave', when what i had intended to be a fun little writing exercise ended up getting algorithmically surfaced and getting me hundreds of comments on each chapter. that got a little stressful and i wasn't really enjoying that, so i stopped. but i was like, hmm you know i mostly just write weird porn but maybe i should write something a little more ambitious. with a plot, and everything. 'goblin cave' was (in my mind) all about a character who was created for violence deciding art was a much more worthwhile pursuit. but the main character of that doesn't know what art is. because it's a magical dungeon core. and i was still thinking a lot about dead zones of the imagination, by david graeber. so i was like, okay, let's do this again but in a slightly more self-authentic way and make it weird gay porn with weird animal dicks. let's give michelangelo ninjaturtle a monologue about how the powerful are utterly insulated from any consequence.

(also early on, after watching most of rottmnt, i stumbled across this blog post about the tmnt comics and the end of the world. that ended up being deeply influential on the fic too. i've been kinda in a state for the past few years and this fic is absolutely a part of me working through a lot of complicated feelings about the world and the future. lol people talk so much about people writing dark fic 'to cope' but this was pretty much the first time i've outsourced my emotional processing by having bad things happen to fictional characters.)

so uhhh where to start here. the setting of the fic is this complicated messy mashup of a half-dozen tmnt continuities. it's very rise-heavy, since... that was the only series i had watched(/read) when i had determined the major plot points, but there's a lot of bits and pieces from all over.

to roughly outline the characters here, a huge influence on mikey's personality in this is... mikey's 'dr delicate touch' persona in rottmnt. in the sense that... okay yes yes that is a kid's show and all of his dr delicate touch lines are, you know, setups and punchlines. you think he's going to be nice but actually he's mean! etc. but in-universe it's like, wait hold on a second. mikey is like the most emotionally-intelligent of the four. he absolutely knows when people are on the edge of flipping out and need a calming out to a stressful situation. and instead he freaks them out more! mikey's hobby is: being mean to his friends & family, for fun! what a fun character trait.

i was thinking about this tweet a lot, too. i read some writing advice once that people tend to make characters who are supposed to be likable too squeaky-clean. nothing but positive character traits for them! but actually every 'positive' character trait is exactly the same as a 'negative' one; it's just a matter of focus and degree. a character is light-hearted and comedic? they can never take things seriously, even when they really should. a character is willing to do anything to protect the people they love? so they're violent and threatening and scary if they happen to decide you're something that they need to protect against. etc. i was really dedicated in this to bringing out the worst characteristics of everybody's personalities.

mikey was also very deeply inspired by: all the garbage progression fantasy stuff i've been reading. i've complained about this several times on this very blog, but a constant theme in most progression fantasy is 1. the main character will constantly get more and more powerful and 2. the main character will never really have their relationship with the rest of the world changed via that power. it's just stat-ups. they just have higher stats so they're more powerful. mikey is the most powerful person on the planet and it's fucking ruining his life. he knows that there's nobody capable of actually checking his behavior, & he's in this constant state of thinking he's maybe a few bad days away from murdering half the planet and incredibly aware there's not really anything he can do about that aside from constantly worry. he's kind of an anxious mess.

mikey absolutely thinks it's more ethical to murder somebody out of the sheer glee of seeing people crushed before you than murdering somebody for something as tedious as mob orders. you're satisfying a deep, raw desire felt from the heart! that's good!

what he'd like to do, in some sense, is just hang out in his studio and chill with other artists, but he knows the world is not gonna let him do that. things will come up. a lot of his being a creepy bystander thing while people get murdered is b/c he's very much formulated his morality to be like... it is not his responsibility to fix other people's problems. other people will do what they want and that has no bearing on him. is that a pretty cowardly and self-serving morality? sure! but he was kinda designed to rule the world & his flinch away from that pretty much defines him as a character in this. that's kinda the morality he needed to end up on to convince himself not to be a genocide machine.

he's incredibly aware he could basically be a superhero, & all it would take is... giving up on all his hopes and dreams and constantly engage with his abilities. and being a superhero isn't that many steps removed from living up to his full design spec and just taking over the world and ruling as god-emperror. idk how well i hit all those notes in the actual fic, but, that's what i was going for. mikey as the narrator clearly doesn't want to talk or think about it so it's never really directly confronted.

raph is... okay so i guess a fairly common piece of fanon, for rise especially, is to characterise raph as having multiple personalities? whether that's him just having alters or him having full-blown MPD depends on the fic. my fun little nod to that is that he's kind of a disassociative mess. he has kind of failed to reconcile the disparate aspects of his personality and he switches between one of several different facades depending on the situation. also, you know. the trauma.

(i didn't really mean for it to be as such, but there is this theme in the story about names? despite everything else mikey has a crystal-clear self-conception of himself and has one name, which he gave himself. raph, who has kinda failed to build his own personality, has a collection of name other people have given him, none of which he feels actually fits him. donnie has a more fluid self-identity and also has roughly a million aliases and false identities & constantly slips in and out of character when it's convenient. leatherhead still going by the name mikey gave him goes hand-in-hand with that bit where mikey meanly thinks about how maybe leatherhead's entire self-conception is hung up on something mikey said to him once, etc. this is one of those things that i'd go back and make more present if i did go back and clean up the rough draft, b/c as it is it's there, but it doesn't really do a whole lot.)

--

this fic was inspired by... i had read a few big aus that were just like, taking the characters and loose bits of setting and going off in completely different directions. some of NeiNing's aus were a definite influence, plus like, this one au where raph is an ex-con mechanic, etc, etc. just like "i am going to play out a completely unrelated drama using turtles as the dolls". maybe most directly influential was Of Knights and Thieves, where donnie & mikey are corporate espionage hacker/thief types and raph & leo are do-gooder vigilantes. the original concept for this was much more heavily focused on the art forgery. in a very early draft the idea was leo would get involved much more actively in trying to track down the creator of the false takenobus. then i was like, "i am going to crash a completely separate story concept about the dark armor into the side of this art-forgery story". the filename for the story is still 'lol grindr hookup art thief'. that is not really where the story went.

oh man, the art stuff. i made some posts about this at the time! that are now several years old. here's one! i did end up getting a traditional woodcut printing of Tokaido 53 stations, no. 11, Hokone. in a lot of ways doing all the art research was more satisfying and fun than writing the extensive downward spiral that was the latter half of the fic. but, hey, that's life too i guess.

also raph in this is... okay, so, i don't mean this in a mean way. i really liked the fics! but cndrow has written several raph/donnie fics where raph is just like... like a repeated theme in them is raph confessing eternal love & talking about how he's like, mentally planning on them being together forever. on the first date. and sure sure everybody has different tastes; i'm absolutely sure that my interest in guys who are mean leads to some stories that are extremely offputting to some people, etc. but it's like, oh man, raph, please slow your roll a little. if somebody said they were planning our future wedding all of ten minutes into talking to me i would flee the room. & the raph in blinded by the summer sun is very much inspired by that. sadly, i never fully committed to that. originally i even had a line in chapter 9 where slash was like 'please tell me you didn't drop the 'i love you forever' on this guy already' to imply that that was, you know, a theme for raph, but i chickened out and cut it. raph as a kind of rolling series of bad relationships characterized by him falling forever in love w/ his latest crush until the relationship detonates and leaves him not really understanding how things went wrong. but i don't think that's expressed well like, at all. but that ideally should characterize a large part of why he keeps chasing after mikey even well after the point where it would be reasonable to disengage. also to convey some of the downsides of a character believing in true love. it's rough out there in the world.

also thank you tumblr user averyterrible for writing this goncharov post. that was the point in the story where i was like, actually i have been writing raph as way too much of a sad boy. if i want to play in the space of crime drama, there needs to be some crime! he's a yakuza assassin. he needs to chop off somebody's fingers with bolt cutters.

--

to me, the central question in the fic isn't really 'will the mikey/raph relationship work out' or 'will mikey succeed in his plans', it's 'why is mikey doing these things'. & i think the leatherhead chunks in chapter 23 finally give enough context to what's going on with mikey to let people answer that? like oh, mikey is a mess.

(lol the initial setup for the early chapters are supposed to give an audience response of like, "oh no, raph has some dangerous secrets" "oh no, raph is a violent yakuza murderer! i hope mikey is going to be okay interacting with raph" "...oh no, i hope raph is going to be okay interacting with mikey")

a lot of the story really is about how... mikey & raph's relationship is in a lot of ways very adolescent? they have not had a lot of prior experience with healthy relationships, and they're trying, but, uhhhhhhh. mikey likes to act like he's so cool and above-it-all and unaffected by things happening, but that's actually just b/c he doesn't really care about most things. when something happens that he genuinely doesn't like he immediately snaps and has a giant meltdown. (we see this once with raph, when mikey has a panic attack and throws up when raph blows him off wrt warning him of bishop, and once with donny about the armor, where mike immediately starts tantruming and threatening to kill himself. mikey is very bad at resolving conflict. he's kind of a brat, actually.)

like every character in this is in some way their worst self. they're all pretty awful people. but they're all also trying to... grapple with their place in the world and try to be better people. to even figure out what 'better' means. this is a story about how 'being a good person' is a constant struggle, not to 'do the right thing', but to even figure out what's 'right'. it's about picking yourself up again after a bad period and going, well, let's keep going. like mikey has a lot of traits but one that i, the author, actually think is fairly admirable is his ability to get back up and keep going after a really bad period. which is funny b/c characterwise that goes hand-in-hand with his callousness. just shrug off all the misery you caused other people, i guess! see above about positive/negative character traits.

(also uh there's another tmnt fic author whose work has a lot of... a Bad Guy is constructed/identified. then helpless children (or teens!) are rescued from him. then the bad guy is ruthlessly & violently murdered. sometimes onscreen, sometimes offscreen. and then it's nothing but chapter after chapter of people being happy and cutesy to each other. and like, i get it. but the, like, recurring theme there of the Bad Guy having done something fundamentally unforgivable that separates from all understanding & mercy, to which the only justice is a violent death, just strikes me as... simplistic. sometimes people do really awful things and part of grappling with that as an adult with an adult moral conceptualization is realizing that you gotta look past your initial reflex to punishment.

or like, mikey's whole childhood in this really fucked him up but a huge part of his identity is him having to form an identity from that. having to make the determination of which parts of him are 'him' and which parts were done to him. lol @ him aggressively and extensively rejecting everything about what draxum made him to do & then blithely being like 'we were engineered to eat humans anyway' as a defense for all the corpse-eating. mikey you just like eating people & have decided that part does align with your self-identity. mikey would really not appreciate anybody being like 'i'm sorry nobody saved you from that' b/c that (to him) would basically be the same as them saying they thought he was fundamentally, irreparably damaged & was going to be forever incapable of being anything other than what draxum made him to be. he wouldn't take it well.)

uhhh what else. i mean there's a lot. fun fact pretty much every time mikey gets mad at somebody else he's hugely projecting. even his pacifism is like... hmm maybe he should have killed draxum. a lot of his talk @ raph about splinter is secretly mikey relitigating his feelings about draxum. oh what's that mikey you think that splinter is only playing happy family b/c he's immortal and he has infinite time to spend humoring somebody's illusions but that when push comes to shove he'll drop all that? gee i wonder if that might apply to any dynamics in mikey's own life. lol at mikey being like "wow red your life is kind of a fucked-up nightmare of weird psychopaths playing like they're happy family" and then two chapters is like "hey come meet my family. we live in my genocidal dad's bombed-out lab and we're treating him like a weird racist grandpa". i kinda wanted something that would complicate mikey just being like "i am a pacifist now and i don't kill anybody"; mikey that's all well and good but like half his inner tension comes from not being sure if he should've left draxum alive. that's kinda the mirror to him debating whether or not actually killing leatherhead would've been better. (in a few years shelldon is gonna go through a period of not wanting to talk to any of them. mikey & donnie are better parents than draxum but that's such a low bar.)

(likewise at the end when mikey is like "this is raph's healthiest relationship so far!" to leo, like, this is more mikey projecting. really the raph/casey relationship was probably better for raph & casey, idk, who can say. but is mikey's relationship with raph the healthiest romantic interaction he's ever had? yes, absolutely. we don't get to see the mikey/leatherhead relationship really up-close and personal but it should be pretty clear that it was pretty awful for everybody involved. compared to that, the mikey/raph is absolutely mikey's healthiest relationship so far. just. low bars.)

lol i am a little concerned that mikey's tendency to monologue, & especially his whole political monologue near the end, will get people to think he's just acting as an author's soapbox. i mean, okay, the little author's note where i'm like "as always, mikey is a perfect role model and everybody should do what he does" was a fun little joke. but, oof, the number of fics i've read where the authors feel the need to loudly and repeatedly disclaim that This Story Contains Things The Author Does Not Condone In Real Life is pretty disheartening. way to have absolutely no faith in your audience. but likie, the part where mikey is pretty much flat-out like, "actually i think my moral framework is whatever is necessary to justify my actions" is meant to be pretty damning. maybe not of mikey specifically as a character, just of, you know. the whole world where that's a pretty common outlook among people with power.

--

lets talk about the rape. part of it is that it felt like it would be inauthentic to go through the entire story without mikey seriously violating one of raph's boundaries. part of it is that mikey here kinda has the trifecta of ASPD, ADHD, & bipolar, and the thing with that is it's very easy to just say that but a little more difficult to convey the personality traits involved. this isn't really something ever stated as such in the fic, aside from various people calling mikey crazy + raph calls him a sociopath once. it's kind of too didactic to just flatly state "and this is what's wrong with mikey!" imo. but. this is a story about violent people. imo you can't just gesture to a character with the background level of callousness for the genre and go "okay this is a clinical sign"; you kinda gotta do something more direct. 'wow mikey sure is CRAZY and WEIRD good thing it only shows itself as him being slightly mean to people'. no. mikey has done some pretty horrible things in the past and clearly isn't fully done with that.

(i did pretty much go straight down the list of symptoms there. impulsive, suicidal, aggressive, violent, risky sex, arrogant, limited empathy, no regard for other people or social norms, difficulty with relationships, arson, etc, etc, etc. but it's not like he's a 'realistic' portrayal here, since... i mean, he is a super-powered ninja. there's a level of 'superficial charm' here but we do get enough of mikey's interiority to be able to tell he's a total mess in a way that's not particularly constructed.)

also it's like. raph graphically tortures several people to death & i didn't really feel the need to disclaim that here. murder is usually seen as a lesser crime in fiction than rape. people love their violent blorbos but the second there's the implication of sexual violence people freak out. the usual line people say is that the threat of murder is a little more removed for most people than the threat of rape, which idk if i fully agree with. but part of it is also to draw a line between raph's violence and mikey's boundary violation. like mikey says, well, raph tried to non-consensually murder him a few times too.

anyway i don't think i really stuck the landing with that either, in part b/c raph's response to it. he's a little too pathetically accepting of things at the end instead of being angry + violent. that could use a rewrite or two.

--

honestly i'm kinda sick of this story now? which sucks a little, since i kept realizing things about the story all the way up to the very last moment of editing. if i had waited to post any of this until i was done with the first draft... well, it'd be a very different story if i went back and turned this rough draft into something more complete. i never really did manage to hit the character beats with raph i was hoping to. oh well. like, i still like it. but i can definitely see all of its weak points. i guess that's just part of the process of writing. it'd be worse if you wrote a giant novel and came out on the other side not more aware of your failings as an author.

i feel like raph isn't super well-realized in terms of character motivations. or... his relationships aren't shaded in as well as they could be. if i were redoing this whole thing i'd definitely include some chunks of raph pov just to lay out more concretely what he's doing & what his life is like when he's not in the same scene as mikey. i kinda included that raph+donny conversation at the very end just for jokes, but actually ending every chapter with a little section of non-mikey pov would've helped ground a lot of the characters. raph isn't super well-developed and leo is pretty much incoherent absent external familiarity with his character's deal. they're not conveyed super well, in part because, well, any time mikey is onscreen everybody is having to deal with mikey. it's a problem.

but something that absolutely could have worked as a secondary narrative to the story is the whole thing with raph working w/ the oroku. that was a bit of a late addition to the story. it's meant as a reference to, you know, all the times raphael ends up being compared to/assuming the mantle of the shredder in the comics. but as it is since we don't get any real looks into exactly what's going on in yakuza town when mikey's not around none of that got developed very well, imo.

--

it was very important to me that mikey not learn any lesson here. where things are at in the end are pretty much the exact same as where they were in the beginning. the bit in the pizza scene where he's like 'you guys get to live and i get a boyfriend' is very accurate. literally the only change in mikey's life through this entire thing is that at the end he is in a relationship w/ a guy who he can tell some of what his life is like to. not that it's a super healthy relationship, but it is there.

well, that, and also now he's maybe out of time. (uh, so the laughter at the very end of the epilogue is mikey realizing he's out of time. the whole epilogue really is about how he's got all these conflicting tensions of who-knows-what in his life, & then right in the middle of the tension it's like, whoops, the utrom aren't coming in 10 years or 20 years, they're coming now. and in a week you're gonna be getting some really pointed questions about how you know the utrom envoy. and in a few years, well, there's gonna be some planetary evacuation) like the whole story is about... anxiety. mikey feeling the weight of the future on him in every moment. actually seeing things collapse would be a relief; you'd get the release of all the potentiality collapsing into an actual problem. the moral of the story is you get what you get and in the end all mikey's actions, good or bad or otherwise, have bought him is nine more months of ignoring his problems.

anyway sorry to all the tmnt fans who were expecting a happy cheerful mikey/raph story. this is actually about the fundamental injustice of existence. whoops!

[someone-always-cares]

chapter 5, page 79

first - previous - next

[image description: an sac webcomic page. "hold on, stay still for a second". rami says, as he puts his hand close to lewis, the angle making him almost look like he's cupping lewis's face, as lewis stares back at him with very wide shining eyes. he then rips off the duct tape off, lewis jolting and making a weird face, the panel borders shaking from the shock, before lewis makes a different face like a grimace or like a cat would make after smelling something foul right before slapping the shit out of it. "sorry. you alright?" rami asks, holding a swiss army knife down near lewis's bound arm, the knife already out. "i- what- i will be? not important. what the fuck are you doing here??". lewis replies. "saving you, apparently. and your friend- sorry i'll get to you in a minute" "no really, why the fuck are you here? how did you find us? why did you come?" lewis says. this last panel is entirely black, aside from the speech bubbles. "you're the one that sent me the location. Is your friend concussed? They're not responding to me. Or you. And are either of you injured in general?" rami responds. "What? I don't think either of us are. And no, she can't hear you, just wave or something. Uh, not with the knife, like a friendly not about to kill you wave, like-" lewis's rambling is interrupted. "It's pitch black in here? Waving won't help?" end id]

edit: a bit late but forgot to mention: next con i have is on june 1st, at animangapop cardiff! feel free to say hi if you're going!

i've always gone back and forth internally if rami's supervision gave him better night vision or not but i'm going to go with yes, it does. lewis also has better night vision on account of his eyes being cat-like. jade has normal human vision unfortunatly. on the bright side (pun not intended), she can make her fingernails glow.

also, thought on book cover? tried a few ideas and this is what i came up with

[id: concept a book cover. mostly sketched, styalised like a corkboard with various photos, pins, ect. the front side (right) has a piece of torn paper with the title and a couple stickers, one star and the other rami's logo. below is a drawing of rami surrounded by eyes. the spine has a strip of washi tape, blue with star patterns, with the title and a "1" at the bottom. the back (right) has a few photos of various panels from chapter 1 and two, a top corner of a missing poster, a business card for iris's ice cream shop, pins of mindforce's eye, and pride pins of the asexual and transgender flags, and lastly a scrap of notebook paper with eye doodles (like iris's eyes), rami's logo, titled "blah blah blah" and placeholder text of the bee movie script opening. red string is scattered around. end id]

note: the panels featured will be redrawn (for the cover. the actual pages will not be) and the one on the front is just a placeholder. not sure what i'll change it to, but something with both rami and lewis.

so, this is fashioned similar to the back of the flyer i use to advertise my comic at conventions, it allows me to show off multiple things, allows me to put in easter eggs and similar, and it feels right, yknow? it looks like the same board i use for story planning, concept art, to do lists, and trinkets for conventions, ect.

i look up and i see my corkboard covered in all that, so it feels like me. like i'm already pouring everything i have into my comic, why not this? also, red string murder board. thematically appropriate, and similar to the one omen has. expecially fitting since they appear end of chapter two bonus pages, which is where issue 1 of the physical book ends (not including bonus pages)

anyway would love to hear your thoughts!

more rambling under the cut

keep jumping from task to task. eg started planning the cover. jumped from irl task to task and then got back but then needed to figure out 100% how big the book is page-wise, because spine width

so i go do the bonus pages first but despite me collecting all the stuff for that before i keep finding more. because i have been making pages for 7 years and worked on it for longer with just having them as ocs roatating in my mind

and, yknow, i am not an organised person at the best of times. and over the past 10 years, not much has been the best of times. so you can imagine the chaos i've gone looking through. most of it isn't too recent, because turns out i had a lot more time working to draw when i was still in school. and also right after school. also 2020.and most of it is bad due to me improving my skill over time! which is good but still. going to have to carefully pick out what to use

also unrelated but i want to make one of the exclusive kickstarter print rewards foiled because i just love how they look. specifically i want to do one of tsunami and the foil (silver or holo) being the sparkles his water does because it'd look cool!

[aerialflight]

fic rec list (long time coming)

... Please don't kill me. I know it's been a really long time so I'm offering you guys up a list of fics that completely took over my life in the time I haven't been posting or reblogging on tumblr. Please enjoy! (Dashes off after laying this sacrificial offering at your feet.)

-

[Spiderverse (Spiderman Into + Across the Spiderverse)]

Stars Hide Your Fire by Arowen12

Abruptly Miles tunes back in, “Guidance counsellor?” his voice comes out horribly croaky and at this rate his body’s got enough leftover adrenaline that Miles knows he’s not going to get back to sleep anytime soon. “Yeah, about college, the one with your parents? Man, you must have been out later than I thought.” So, he’s in the past. Or somehow, he got thrown into another universe that’s a few days behind his and the other Miles has somehow gone missing or some molecular physics-type deal has happened and they’ve merged and are permanently stuck together forever. Yeah

(time Loop fic! Miles is straight up NOT having a good time lmao. poor kid. there's definitely quite a few twists and turns in this fic and i'm really excited to see where it goes haha!)

In every Universe, she is Loved by Tired_Writing_Teach

Of all the ways for Miguel's first meeting with Miles to go, no one was really expecting this, least of all Miguel. How is he supposed to react when the anomaly that started it all, is his daughter's best friend?

(this fic is miguel meeting miles and deciding you know what? i'm gonna overthrow everything i thought because there's no fucking way i'm gonna let my daughter from another world suffer. and somehow, it leads to him also looking at miles and thinking, "oh fuck, this is also my kid now," and it's GREAT LOL.)

Mostly Intact by neonbrutalism

“Are you a vampire?” he asked as the guy reached out to the bricks and grabbed on with his claws, heaving himself up with one arm to the wall. The guy didn’t even look at him, "No." “You have fangs. And claws. And - and red eyes!” Miles said, walking up the wall after him. “Spiders also have all of those things,” the guy said, flatly. “Spiders have red eyes?” The guy paused for a moment and then shrugged, “…Okay — eyes, I don’t know.” -- Miguel O'Hara finishes his gizmo before everything really pops off with Kingpin's collider and winds up on stranded on Earth-1610, hours after the death of Peter Parker. Miles Morales is looking for a new Spider-Mentor and, well, this one will have to do. Even if he's super weird. Part 1 of More Like Us

(the dynamic here is: an excited puppy and a grumpy nerdy father-uncle-adult figure with a lot of spider-related insecurities. and it's AMAZING. they will Fight for each other. and Peter B. is a Good Dude.)

fash punchers punch together by l_oves

The only ones who didn’t look like Peter had stepped on a puppy were Ham - nonchalant as ever - and some Spider with spikes on his head, whose eyes had widened. In fact, if Peter were to guess by the Spider’s body language, he seemed almost… alert. Excited. Peter wasn’t really sure what to make of that. -- hobie takes a liking to spiderman noir.

(IF THEY DON'T GIVE US THIS FRIENDSHIP IN THE NEXT MOVIE I'M GONNA RIOT YOU HEAR ME)

restorative justice by Nanashi07

After the multiverse settles, what do you do with Miguel?

Miles is serious as he says, “Guys, think about it. What else can we do? We can’t imprison him in another dimension or he’ll glitch out. We can’t keep him here alone forever. And we’re not killing him.” He points at Miguel. “Don’t even ask.” He takes in the unconvinced faces around him and approaches Miguel’s cell. “You are a good person. You just made a few mistakes. If you can prove to us that we can trust you again, then maybe we can let you go. We just need to, you know, do some… restorative justice.”

(truly, the ending we deserve for the next movie. this actually made me fall off the couch for making me laugh so hard, not even kidding X'DDD)

mutualism by cruelzy

Ship: Hobie/Miles

A full blown shiver wracks his form, hair stiff on the back of his neck. His body blinks like a stop-light, his teeth oscillating in his jaw. He closes his eyes; re-opens them. The guy’s still there. Miles stares, bewildered. “You’re like me.”

Gwen asks Hobie to keep an eye on Miles for a bit while she works up some courage. Hobie Brown doesn’t do things by halves.

(so freaking cute?? also, miles inner dialogue made me cackle, he's so fucking stupid and in love <3 and hobie, as per usual, is freaking cool and dependable as Fuck. we stan a solid man.)

gonna crack a rib (when i get home) by eneliii

Deception has gotten the best of Miles Morales for a good couple years now. Its tracked him down and resurfaced like weeds between his feet at every moment he’d least expected it. He’ll admit, he has a long way to go when it comes to knowing who to trust and who might be secretly trying to kill you and/or lie to you about your very existence. But hey, everybody’s gotta learn somewhere right? (or, Miles Morales, recently landed in Earth 42, has had enough of everyone’s shit and he’s going to save his dad or so help him he’ll lose his mind. Miles Morales 42, just wants to know what the /hell/ is up with his doppelgänger.)

(the Vibe is fucking immaculate and i repeatedly want to hug and scream at these two teenagers. who are the same person omfg. they are the same person but their trauma comes in different flavors. *screams*)

-

[Batman (Mostly Batfamily)]

Inversion (I'm Lost Without You) by Nation_Ustria

After dying on the battlefield, Damian wakes up in a universe where he is Bruce Wayne's only child. Having to endure the League's training a second time is a challenge, but upon reaching Gotham, Damian is thrilled. His so-called "siblings" had really been more trouble than they'd been worth, and Damian had always been the true son anyways. Now he doesn't have to fight for the position that is rightfully his. Except… the manor is awfully quiet. And Damian has started talking to himself. And… maybe his siblings weren't completely useless. They gave him Robin, after all, something that Damian hadn't been able to deny himself when he'd rejoined Batman in Gotham's shadows. And then Damian meets this world's Timothy Drake, who's years younger than Damian and stuck with neglectful parents who don't even know their son's age, much less that he's following Batman and Robin around Gotham with a camera. Damian had been a horrible younger brother, but… maybe he can be an adequate older brother. (It isn't easy, but he turns out to be far better than adequate.)

(before this, i never really got into the idea of the reverse robins idea but man, this fic convinced me lol. really wanted to hug damian throughout the whole fic and i got sucked in so fast, def must read.)

THE SKY IS EVERYWHERE. by orpheusaki

"Before," Clark asks, a glass of whiskey that has absolutely no effect on him whatsoever held loosely in his hands, "Why did you hate me?" "Well," Bruce hums, downing the rest of his own glass in one sweep for an ounce of courage, "You killed my children." (The day Zod attacks Metropolis, Bruce loses his kids.)

(THIS HURT SO MUCH I LOVE THIS FIC TO BITS THE ANGST MAN THE ANGST FENIWFPW)

A Darker Shade of Gotham by JackHawksmoor

Dick and Tim are stuck in a crappy alternate universe where most of the heroes they know are dead, Bruce Wayne's bad health meant he never became Batman, and Tony Zucco runs Gotham City's underworld. When Dick is shot by the mob, they take a risk and go to Bruce for help. Alternate Bruce didn't have children, but as he gets to know Dick and Tim, he starts wishing he did. Written for Whumptober 2022 #28 (Punching the Wall)

(such an interesting analysis on the relationship between dick and bruce and what would've happened if dick never came into bruce's life. the absence hit so hard for bruce and weirdly enough, this fic was somehow both hopeful yet somber, really love this.)

Truth Serum is the Worst by JackHawksmoor

Batman gets dosed with a truth serum and unexpectedly spends most of the time talking about how desperately he loves his children, how awesome they are, and how he wishes he was better at being a father. Shameless whump and H/C Done for day 1 of Whumptober 2022, "a little out of the ordinary" (unconventional restraints)

(bruce loves his kids so much, this genuinely broke my heart, god.)

a call to motion by JumpingInMuddyPuddles

He twitches ever so slightly as Tim crouches beside him – knees slamming into the unrelenting concrete. He gently brushes his hand against Jason’s shoulder – the most he can currently bring himself to do. Jason whimpers, this breathless pained thing, and Tim’s breath gets lost in his throat all over again and holy fuck he has no idea what he’s doing. “Robin,” Tim whispers, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Robin, it’s not safe here. We’ve gotta move.” // Robin has been missing for just over a week when Tim finds him in that warehouse, hollowed out by the Joker and discarded like a broken thing.

(a what if scenario that i can only WISH actually happened fiewopfewa tim is so great i love the little guy <3)

Short-Term Memory Loss (Leads to Long-Term Sibling) by Vamillepudding

Jason's attack on Titans Tower goes a little differently than expected. When Jason wakes up, the last thing he can remember is being fifteen and having breakfast with Bruce. So why is this strange kid telling him he's actually someone named the Red Hood? Why does the kid look eerily like Bruce? And why does he have bruises around his neck? Or: Jason gets amnesia. With Bruce and Dick away on an off-world mission, it falls to Tim to deal with the aftermath.

(this was somehow both hilarious and heartwarming? truly, the difference between pre and post lazarus pit jason is unparalleled, he's such a fun character haha! the sheer confusion and chaos in this fic had me cackling. XD)

Turned On Our Heads by Nation_Ustria

Due to an unfortunate alignment of events, Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin and Robin are left to face an unknown magician alone. They don't survive. But Robins never seem to be able to stay dead, and this time they find themselves reborn into a world that's almost the same as their original one, with one glaring exception: their ages have been inverted. Armed with questionably reliable foreknowledge, it takes time to find their way back to each other—but they make it. And then they mess with everyone. (Bruce gave up on trying to make sense of his children after he got the second one.) ~ This Gotham doesn’t know Robin, not yet. Robin has always supposed to be the light to Batman’s darkness, the comfort to be found among violence. Damian hadn’t been particularly adept at the ‘light’ part the first go around, for all that he’d been able to serve and protect, but he’d had his siblings’ reputations already standing for him to rely on. Here, now, he has to build everything from scratch—and he’s going to do it right.

(this fic has me by the hookline nfioepwfew it's so fucking funny and the robins are just fucking with bruce which is always a delight to see XD seriously, if you want to have a good time, this is definitely the fic for you lmao)

Author’s Note by Trekkele

Jason may have been trying to take over the criminal underworld while avoiding Batman until his big dramatic reveal, but he still had time for hobbies. Hobbies like finally finishing the Pride and Prejudice AU he had started before his death, and posting the finished chapters for the 3 people who were still interested. Maybe he should have double checked the subscribers list first. Based on this tumblr post: Jasons doesn’t let death stop him from updating…

(this is literally peak lit, nothing can top this jason-is-alive reveal. nothing)

of crime lords and literature by adelfie

Gloved fingers close over Tim’s throat and slowly begin to squeeze. “Jason!” he gasps, choking. “Have you ever read Macbeth?” The Red Hood stares at him like Tim just slapped him with a fish. -- With his grades slipping, Tim worries Bruce will take Robin away. So when the Red Hood breaks into his room with the intent to kill him, Tim decides it's a good idea to ask him for help on his English homework. It works. And then it doesn't. And then Tim solves a mystery and almost dies anyway.

(there were so many times I wanted to shake Timmy so bad, like boi, get some self preservation, PLEASE)

-

[Merlin]

like a purple robe by astranix

There's just something about Arthur Pendragon. People can't quite put their finger on it. Part 1 of the brave man with the sword

(arthur is so great here! listen, i love merlin as much as the next person, but i love fics where arthur time travelled or is trying to fix things on his own, give me more competent arthur!!)

-

[Star Wars & Clone Wars & Mandalorian (all star wars media)]

The Way of Conquest by pagination

All Din wanted to do was find the Child a sorcerer teacher, pick up a job or two, and follow his Creed. Three out of three is good, right? Right?

(one of the most hilarious fucking fics i've ever had the pleasure of reading. i think i reread this 5 times by this point? din is just Trying His Best and honestly? it's working. everyone else just has to deal X'D)

Solus Gaanada by Caedus501

Ship: Obi-Wan/Jango

More things are possible through the Force than either the Jedi or the Sith ever suspected. Sometimes a single choice is all it takes to send a life and all those connected with it spiraling along a different path. When that choice is in the hands of Obi-Wan Kenobi there is every chance that history will be changed, for better or worse. *Please make sure you have the Creator's Style turned on for this work otherwise the Mando'a won't come through properly Part 1 of Solus Gaanada

(THE MOST MANDALORE FIC TO EVER MANDALORE HAJIFJJVKV I AM SO IN LOVE!!! seriously though, incredible worldbuilding, incredible character writing and development, fantastic plot, intricate politics, immersive fucking vibe, FUCKING PERFECT 10/10 I'M SCREAMING!!)

The King, the Soldier, and the Spy by phoenixyfriend

Ship: Jango Fett/Ahsoka TanoQuinlan Vos/Ahsoka Tano

In which Ahsoka is a time-traveler, Jango narrowly avoids leading his own political faction to death, and Quinlan's got a massive crush on a pair of aggressively hypercompetent weirdos.

(there is so much Competence radiating off of this fic. no wonder they all banged each other, they're all so damn good at their jobs lolol)

R2-D2 Saves the Galaxy (Okay, so Obi-Wan helps a little) by kj_feybarn

R2-D2 was hoping for a little bit of excitement when he was sent with Mistress Padme and Little Ani as part of Mistress Padme's protection. That was not what he got. Now, Jedi Kenobi is clearly in trouble. As far as R2 can see, the best way to keep Mistress Padme safe is to save Jedi Kenobi. Clearly, R2-D2 is the droid for the job.

(truly and sincerely, r2-d2 is the most badass droid in the fucking galaxy and this fic just proves my very biased beliefs as to why. the utter chaos this little droid holds in its metallic body has led canon so off course and it's PERFECT XD)

Whispers by Adishailan

Ship: Poe/Finn/Rey

They were little things at first, small like the small stream of pebbles down a mountain before the landslide hit. He was getting better in his simulations. Not that he wasn't always good, getting consistent top marks and stilted praise from his instructors. But now he was able to dodge out the way of shots much quicker, almost too quickly, and sometimes he ducked down a good five seconds before an explosion came. No one really noticed- he'd always had good marks- and when they did, well, Eighty-seven was the first to know and could easily fake a blunder to make up for it. Or: FN-2187 teaches himself to use the force.

(YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I NEED THIS FIC TO UPDATE I'M CLIMBING THE WALLS I'M CHEWING TABLES EDGES LIKE A TEETHING INFANT FUCK THIS IS SO GOOD FNEWOFPEW)

The Soldier, the Queen, and the Hunter: Truth and Fiction by kj_feybarn for Gondolin

Ship: Padmé Amidala/Jango Fett/Obi-Wan Kenobi

The galaxy is a step away from war when Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala find a clone army. That's where it starts, with convenient wording in a contract, a broken sith spell, and a desperate attempt to turn their tragedies into a story that could catch the hearts of a galaxy. -_- “Now sit still,” he told them all as he leaned forward. “And I’ll tell you the story of the Soldier, the Queen, and the Hunter.”

(if you haven't noticed yet, i have a Thing for very competent characters working together to create a better future. also, man, jango has it Rough here but it's still better than the alternative! :D)

Anakin's Froggy Friend by demi_fae for loosingletters

Anakin finds a frog in the desert when he's five. Only its not a frog, Anakin's now a dad, and this changes everything.

(i'm DEAD. i made noises no human being should be capable of making. so fucking funny, instant mood boost gaurantee!)

Waiting For the Light by Reveriewings

When looking for Leia on the Inquisitor's base, Obi-Wan finds the tomb holding the bodies of his family. In that dark moment, the Force leads him to someone who has been waiting for him. AU where Anakin never fell to the dark side but instead was captured by Palpatine before Order 66 (few months before towards the end of the war, which meant he hadn't found out Padme was pregnant yet). He figured out the dude was a Sith and discovered a secret. Palpatine, who had done some weird cloning with Anakin's DNA, many years prior, managed a Sith consciousness copy, so Clone Anakin was sent back to the temple none the wiser, primed and ready to be the downfall of the Jedi, and the original Anakin was kept as a live tropy and donor for Darth Vader. Vader has no idea he's not the 'real' Anakin and Anakin has no idea how long it's been since his capture. Part 1 of Pathways

(the concept is fascinating! and horrifyingly plausible! definitely my favorite part of this fic is the bond that forms between anakin and leia, it's so sweet and shreds my heart to pieces. and poor poor obi-wan has been so broken down by the world that he can't bring himself to hope for anything good in this situation fioewnfewa also, this follows the obi-wan kenobi tv show timeline, with the addition of anakin and all that that entails. def you should read!)

Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust by Livsy

In which Old Ben has time travelled back to the clone wars era, but twenty years on Tatooine have left their mark. Anakin notices. Part 1 of Ashes Verse

(soft soft soft! old ben trying so hard for anakin and actually Talking to Anakin despite all his secrets. ben taking on tatooine culture and anakin Noticing. the most fix it fic to ever fix it!)

[blapis-blazuli]

Now listen up

I am obsessed with this man. He's got so many weird details about him and I love (almost) all of them.

First, Slim's original concept fucks. Being an undead cattle rustler out for bull's blood due to being trampled to death is fascinating. I don't know how long it took before someone at Disney cried "too dark" at that backstory, but I'm surprised it was even in consideration given the mostly lighter tone of the final product. More than that, Disney could've had a literal ghost rider among their villains! Had that movie been any good, he might've joined Disney's popular villain lineup, or maybe we could've even gotten a boss battle with him in a Kingdom Hearts game. That's not what we ended up with due to Reasons, though, which is a bit disappointing, but not much you can do about that.

Anyway, onto what we did get.

Before Slim makes his formal appearance, he's only seen in silhouette, on a wanted poster, then in disguise, and is finally fully revealed when he rides in on a bison. He is huge, and I don't mean because he's fat, I mean he's a good deal taller than most of the other characters. He's set up to be someone threatening, to be taken seriously.

And then comes his yodeling villain song.

The moment it's revealed that Slim's yodeling can hypnotize cows, the music picks up and there's a literal rainbow of colors for the rest of his number. As I said, he's a big man, but he's also light enough on his feet to dance and jump on and off any of these cows while not missing a beat in his performance. When the men who got knocked out beforehand come running after him, he doesn't threaten them, he just throws his spurs at a precarious bit of rocky landscape with such force that it falls and blocks the pathway to him. That's more badass than if he did draw his gun on them.

Actually, I wanna talk about the music he performs. The movie's set in Wyoming during 1889, so obviously Slim's not gonna be yodeling A Cruel Angel's Thesis or whatever. They could’ve come up with something original for him to yodel to (which, I mean, they kinda do), but they chose music by composers such as Tchaikovsky and Beethoven, which aren't exactly things you'd associate with the wild west. The obvious out-of-universe answer for why those pieces were chosen is "they existed before the year this is set in, and they're recognized even today," but we've no in-universe answer for why he chose them or how he knows them. Regardless, it's kinda amazing that he knows them well enough to yodel them.

His lair in Echo Mine has an area with some nice furniture in it. How'd this shit get there? Who knows. Anyway, this is where he reveals that he disguises himself to buy up the properties owned by the people he's stolen cattle from, which includes his former employers. Why doesn't he work for any of them anymore? He never directly says. According to him, they didn't "appreciate [his] talents," which means they probably hated his yodeling. I don't blame him for being mad about that because why the hell would you tell someone that? If he's doing the job right and well without hurting anyone, then who cares? The idea that he's moved on to use a skill against the former bosses who didn't like it is kinda great though.

(Side note: a nice, small detail about this part of the lair is the faded branding on the map, which shows that Slim has been doing this for quite a while. Shame that it's not more consistent from shot to shot though. I can't take credit for noticing this myself: my partner pointed it out after I posted a screenshot as a joke on Discord. She's so cool.)

Slim doesn't like it when someone calls his yodeling "singing": he thinks singing is beneath him given the disdain in his voice when he says that's what birds, saloon gals, and children do. No, he considers what he does to be an art. He's not entirely wrong, though: it is an impressive skill, especially since he can yodel to certain classical pieces like The William Tell Overture, Ode to Joy, Ride of the Valkyries, and The 1812 Overture. (Also Yankee Doodle, because, well, American. Also maybe Largo al factotum from The Barber of Seville, but I'm unsure of that one: unlike Slim, I am no classical music expert.) There's no need for him to be quite as defensive about it as he is, but his nephews calling it "singing," saying that might be why his bosses didn't like him, and calling yodeling "silly" is enough to make him get violently angry at them. Man's got issues.

Oh yeah, Slim has nephews. They're triplets named Gil, Phil, and Bill, and they're collectively known as The Willies. Unlike their uncle, they're all blond and thin, so god knows what Slim's unnamed and unmentioned sibling must look like.

Slim also has a bison named Junior. I'm not fond of the whole "he's too fat to ride anything else" angle of that, but I do like that they chose an animal that people are constantly told to not mess with because of how dangerous they are. Slim's not afraid of him: he's got this creature trained to listen when he calls for him. I can only guess that Slim is the one who named Junior, so maybe he also raised him. It would explain why Junior appears annoyed with him but still puts up with having Slim jump on his back and the like.

You know what Slim doesn't have though? Kids. Putting together the disdain in his voice when he mentions children, his seemingly low opinion of saloon girls, his big villain number turning the landscape into a rainbow of colors, the queer history of cowboys, and the prevalence of queer-coding in Disney villains... well, I think you get where I'm going with that.

Moving onto his disguise. Don't ask me why nobody figured out this was Slim sooner, given that his wanted poster shows they have the same facial hair, bushy eyebrows, and bags under the eyes. My best guess is because it's in black-and-white and he's in a different outfit, and unless someone's encountered him before they probably don't know what he sounds like. Anyway, His alias is Yancy O'del (yeah, I know), but the one sign we see him with has both "Mister" and "Esquire" in there.

Having looked this up, I learned a few things. First, having "Mister" and "Esquire" together isn't something you're supposed to do, yet nobody in-universe caught this. Second, in the United States, "Esquire" is a title only used for lawyers, so maybe that's why nobody questioned him - fear of a sudden lawsuit for something or other. Third, "Yancy" was not really a name used back then, or at least not a common one. Why'd he choose that name (besides for the pun)? I dunno.

(Also, where the hell does Junior stay whenever he goes to one of these auctions? The world may never know.)

Slim's final defeat at the hooves/wings/what-have-you of several farm animals is pretty pathetic, even by silly Disney villain standards, but I got to give him credit for not wanting to give up even after his disguise is (literally) blown and while he's stuck in a train's smokestack. I have no idea how he planned on getting out of that one, and whatever it was most likely wouldn't have worked anyway, but I admire his refusal to back down in the face of obvious defeat.

Even in his very last scene we see him struggling with the ropes they tied around him while he's carted off to jail. He does not give up.

Anyway, here he is picking up Small Black Market Dealer Steve Buscemi one-handed like it's nothing. (His name is Wesley, but Slim keeps calling him Mister Weasley. That's right, this movie used that joke before Frozen did.)

And here he is lifting three full-grown cows off the ground before tying them up faster than they can react to it. (The cows have names too, but this post ain't about them.)

He uses his left hand to write and aim his gun and seems just as adept with using it as much as his right, which is cool. (There's no frame with both his face and the gun, so you'll have to trust me on that.)

Speaking of his hands

Look at this huge-ass man and his pinkies, I can't with this dude

Look at that smile, sir, who gave you the right

If there were a whole movie about just these two, I'd watch it, I won't even lie.

I've gone on about this guy for probably too long by this point, so to sum it all up:

Babygirl