#but not asshole jock harry

[cellarspider]

4/30 Meeting the Prometheus crew. Hmm.

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⛬

We return to the movie that I want to fold, spindle, and mutilate, Prometheus.

Time to actually meet the human crew.

Hooboy. I am feeling David’s dead-eyed look here. Content warning for jumpscare Charlize Theron, brief mention of vomit, depiction of smoking, and whatever the hell is going on with these people.

First off, there is Vickers (Charlize Theron). Her reveal implies that she has escaped containment, and is probably scuttling around in the vents somewhere. No, in fact, she is doing pushups. She asks David if anyone’s died with all the concern of an inconvenienced accountant,  because she is a Cold Corpo Queen who is going to be an asshole to everyone throughout the movie.

This includes David, who, again, may be meeting his makers for the first time here.

On the other hand, this has more dignity to it than the rest of the crew. They’re currently stumbling around and horfing up their two-year-old lunches, a grand tradition in the Alien franchise.

Charming.

Indeed, this is basically a recitation of a scene from Alien and Aliens: Everyone wakes up and feels like crap, except for a machine-like character and, in Aliens, a Black military dude, Sergeant Apone (Al Matthews), who wakes up and immediately chomps down on a cigar.

On an unrelated note, meet Captain Janek (Idris Elba). He’s smoking a cigarillo and setting up a Christmas tree on the ship’s pool table, while a nameless white guy appears to have ragdolled in the corner. Vickers disapproves.

We meet the last two crew members who are going to have enough of a presence in the plot to get names: Millburn (Rafe Spall) and Fifield (Sean Harris). Millburn is an awkward glasses-wearing dork of a biologist. So far, so realistic.

Fifield appears to be attempting to channel Sheamus the wrestler during a heel-y season. He isn’t here to make friends, he’s here to get paid. He’s here to win.

He’s a fucking geologist.

Sure, there’s a lot of geologists who work for extractive industries that probably are just there for the paycheck, but I don’t know how one of them ends up being selected for a mission of POTENTIAL FIRST CONTACT WITH AN ALIEN CULTURE.

This was absolutely baffling in the theater. What in the hell was this scene? This character? It felt so out of place. Little did I know that this was, in fact, setting expectations for the rest of the movie.

The human characters are not treated in the same way David is. We are not often invited to consider them as beings with inner lives, they are stock characters that you may or may not have previous affection for. And because we functionally meet David first, their presence is jarring.

Because these aren’t just stock characters from just any genre, they’re stock characters from a horror movie. Several different kinds of horror movie, with one bonus character trait if they're lucky. Elizabeth Shaw is the final girl (plus religious background), Charlie Holloway is the jock boyfriend (plus allegedly scientist), Millburn is the nervous, glasses-wearing nerd. Fifield the geologist is, bafflingly, the mercenary who’s Just There For The Money (plus rocks), Vickers is the heartless corpo, and Idris Elba is the calm and unflustered military guy. The rest of the characters, regardless of their role, are therefore consigned to being nameless dead meat.

This didn’t have to be the case. A different vibe could’ve been chosen. The marketing tied this movie to Alien. You’re introduced to everyone in that movie through the lens of their average, unremarkable jobs (in spaaaaace!), and you understand how the situation they find themselves in is completely, terrifyingly overwhelming. 

These are scientists and highly skilled professionals (in spaaaaace!). We have successful horror films out there, where scientists are placed beyond their limits. This used to be a whole thing in the 50s, where Serious Men of Science were sometimes the first and last line of defense against extremely rubbery aliens. Was it mostly goofy? Absolutely. But not always!

(First, the goofy: Night of the Blood Beast (1958), best known in latter days as MST3K’s Season 7 premiere (1995). The trailer features the amazing voiceover “The first satellite creature to impregnate man with its chromosomes!”, as heavy breathing plays in the background. “It’s true,” says a square-jawed white guy, “I can feel it inside!”.)

(Second, the straight: The Thing from Another World, precursor to John Carpenter’s The Thing. While just a standard monster movie, it features one of the first and honestly ridiculous full-body fire stunts on film. They repeatedly doused stuntmen in buckets of flaming kerosine.)

These have slowly died off in Hollywood, but there’s still some that pop up every so often: Contagion (2011) being the one that first comes to mind. Sunshine (2007) and Annihilation (2018) are another two that take a similar, slow tactic, all three of them containing horror elements in their premise and execution.

(major content warning on this first one for pandemic themes. Like, all of them.)

(cw for brief body horror, old self harm scars)

This was what I’d expected from the premise of the first five minutes: a well-prepared team, traveling to confront something with existential implications for humanity, taking the job seriously. The movie disabused me of that quickly, but it didn’t provide me anything as compelling in return.

If I had to guess what other movie Prometheus was trying to be like, The Thing (1982) is a strong candidate. It features a cast of dysfunctional people who are similarly broad in their characterization, and pits them against a source of alien body horror with existential implications for all of humanity. Unfortunately for Prometheus, it can’t live up to The Thing either. However, what it did manage to do was drive me COMPLETELY insane, starting in the next segment.

⛬

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[greenerteacups]

Would LOVE to hear more re: Lily Evans as the bolter of you want to share more about that idea

Ogh god I have So Many thoughts about Lily and the Marauders in general because I had to basically do a full outline of the Backstory in order to have context for the living Marauders' backstories, but here is my official Harry's Mom Was A Player dissertation:

I like the idea that Lily grows up with relatively few people around (we only see her with Petunia and Snape, which you could read as a function of Snape's perspective, but I prefer to read it as Lily and Snape being "those weirdos in the corner of the playground making Potion in the dirt" buddies). From that, she becomes pretty closed-off emotionally, and despite having general charisma and kindness, she's pretty hard to connect with. Nice, but a little brusque. She's glad to help you with your homework, but when you invite her to Hogsmeade, she'll smile and make a vague excuse, and you'll never hang out again.

This would also explain why she and Snape remain friends for five years, despite being in different houses and having a lot of political differences: he's one of the few people she's vulnerable with. So we're picturing this Lily who's beautiful, charismatic, clever, but also very closed-off and hard to find. I.e. 100% the kind of person who attracts a lot of admirers, but doesn't actually get close to any of them.

My headcanon for her is a long series of two-month relationships running from around fifth year through sixth, none of them very intense, and petering out around the time that the other person starts asking for labels or commitment. Because (a) she's Busy, but (b) she's not really comfortable with any of them. And so she gets a bit of a (slightly mistaken) reputation as an ice queen.

We know Lily and James started dating in seventh year, after he "stopped being an asshole." ACCORDING TO SIRIUS. This is his account of his best friend's love story. A lot of the read here turns on (1) how much you think James told Sirius about him and Lily, and (2) how much of that Sirius wants Harry to know, as someone trying to protect James's memory.

"He was a cad" is obvious big James energy, especially since we know (1) he's an unserious arrogant jock for most of his Hogwarts career, and (2) she would have absolutely no reason to take him seriously if he expressed interest in her, because — he's a dumb kid! And a bully, from her point of view.

Because they're not close, verging on antagonistic, I tend to think that his interest in her actually was superficial to start with — based on her looks or her reputation (or both). Which, of course, plays right into her issues with intimacy and not being really Seen by anyone. And the ritualized game of his pursuit only contributes to her disbelief in its sincerity.

So basically, by seventh year, you have these two incredibly desirable, successful, popular people who are both in fact really locked-up and struggle with sincerity, but have the beginning of real feelings for each other, and are freaking out about that.

And then you get a great Player4Player love story about intimacy and the mortifying ordeal of being known.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

hi :)) if your asks are still open: most random mota ship + hcs (if you want, ofc)

i mean, honestly, I shipped Rosie and Ken because they both needed a hug and seemed like sweethearts who could hug each other and am now 86,533 words into my first longfic in years (here's the first 10k). And I love a good random ship. So, let's go:

Bucky/Harry: confident nerd bags that cocky jock but is still a nerd who is way into his own head; lucky him, that cocky jock boyfriend gives mind-melting blowjobs.

Jack/Harding: I need to stress that the age difference is part of the hotness. Harding has his shit together, and Jack is INTO IT. Meanwhile, Harding is into the fact that Jack is so goddamn smart. Like, if this was regency era, they'd be married in two months. Just saying. It's an appreciation of competency.

Jack/Rosie: It's a "falls first" versus "fall hardest." Jack falls first because Rosie is a huge, cute dork. Rosie falls hardest but it takes SEVERAL MONTHS. Like, Jack punching him in the stomach for re-upping months.

Rosie/Harry/Jean: DomSub where Harry is the bratty sub, and Rosie and Jean take care of him. Harry fears after the war he won't get them both. But you dumbass. Those two fell in love talking about you and other things. Rosie is genuinely terrified to tell Harry he is also in love with Mrs. Jean Crosby because he doesn't want to overstep. He finally snaps and says it, and Harry is SO MAD. "What kind of dom are you that you stressed me out like this, you asshole?" / "Oh, you wanna find out what kind of dom I am?" / "No. I don't. I'm going home to MY WIFE, and then if you're lucky, I'll come back and fuck you." And it literally the most amazing moment of Robert's romantic life.

Bubbles/Buck: Ultracompetence loves ultracompetence. Also, Bubbles's accent soothes all of Buck's rough edges. Bubbles likes 'em tall and sweet, and would you look at that.

[blackcathjp]

drarry fanfics where harry is kind of a greasy bossy dom jock-like himbo asshole and uses "baby" or "darling" in a derogatory flirtatious way... i am sorry that is not my harry james. basically the way smutty hpdm twt writes him 😶 just not for me

[limetimo]

RAB FICS I READ (JUNE pt2)

The Mystery of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place by altaiswrites time travel, harry hops to the 70s, Harry/Regulus

Just Different, Apparently by risetherivermoon (moonriverrise) super cute jegulus meet cute!!!!!!

i fell hard (in your arms tonight) by grimstars touched starved regulus in jegulus

by the milk-light of moon by dalula for just_a_whorecrux sirius/regulus PWP

The Left Right Game by grimstars a horror story, I read the first chapter and realised that I'm not in a good place for psycho stuff but the writing is really good so if you're into horror, go for it

The Day Bleeds Into Nightfall by acari regulus revenge-fucks james before going to the cave

Butterflies by xpandorasbox texting au jegulus

Running Away From The House of Black the Slytherin Way by Melancholy_Pug what it says on the tin, future jegulus

carpe diem by els31 modern au doctor regulus jegulus

Paper Rings by apricusapollo jegulus love is for poets by arainai (alarainai) for aureusprongs lowkey angsty jegulus with good ending

paint it black by damagecontrol MAFIA AU very nice

Lead The Way by thissucks Sirius suddenly finds himself Regulus' guardian. Everybody agrees that regulus will eat sirius alive. loving the bartylus

Rich Kid, Asshole (Paint Me as a Villain) by Loki_Demon this is so good, regulus is such an entitled little asshat who goes down with his hubris i would fistfight him in a tesco parking lot

The Long Game by lackadaisical_lizard artist reg jock james jegulus

the deadly seven by remusjlupin1981 regulus had a son, dropped him off on narcissa's doorstep and fucked off to hunt horcruxes. things are not fun

Home is not a place by regulusarchieblack (AlRiddle) for coincidences accidental choild adoption

on behalf of the good dark regulus reborn as draco, a series

Drugs and surgical scrubs by anauro doctor regulus ends up with a stabbed drug addict james on his couch. he's not happy about it but at least the guy is hot

After Everything, Always by Reggie4dayzz jegulus

Empire by Saphireraven13 regulus is alive and married and has 4 kids and it's a crossover and i dont know the other fandom, so.

grievance and dirt. by anonymoussqaure black bros

Basic Instinct by ilios28 bartylus! also reg murdered his parents, love that for him

could we pretend (this won't end?) by a_sentimental_man for queerofthedagger harry/regulus, regulus accidentally travels forward in time

Auror Academy - the class of 1979 by Regulus_Potter ♥♥♥ jegulus slowburn, reguls lily friendship

Grimmauld's Home for Unsafe Learners by averea ♥♥♥♥♥ Regulus is potion master instead of snape and by god he will offer a sanctuary to all students with bad homes dumbledore can shut his whore mouth

love sticks, sweat drips by riomariyn fight club? jegulus

do you have a best friend? by coincidences for regulusarchieblack (AlRiddle) regulus and his daughter move to hogsmeade and become astronomy professors, v cute

this is me trying by witchhunts regulus dies and travels back to his younger body

Regulus Black vs Dish Washing by writer_of_sorts recovering after war fic v neato

Fall, Drown, Reborn by melanie_bxx jegulus and smut and uuuh regulus almost dying

The Strange Serendipity of Regulus Arcturus Black by shy_attention_whore reg dies wakes up eleven

if you think you can save me by dxncingquxxr regulus survives, is astronomy professor

The Paths We Take by nagemeikenu  detective lily goes searching for missing regulus (1940s au)

What It Cost by Anonymous regulus keeps surviving for harry

The Gringotts Job by TheWomanInGreen heist time, baby, or reg sirius marlene james and lily stealing the cup

Prawns by wandering_thought "my animagus will be better than your animagus"

Bonding In Different Directions by nagemeikenu regulus trains horses, sirus is an actor, they meet on a job

enough contrition to spare by xslytherclawx for quandrix_quizard regulus goes to dumbledore, it sucks, but he's alive, so.

orn of Blood by Moe64 percy jackson au jeglus wolfstar ect ect

I Will Not be Brave by TheWomanInGreen regulus fucks up and is captured by DEs and shares a cell with Marlene and later, JAmes

No Love for the Wicked by VigilanteVampire4311 harry gets yot to a version of past where tom riddle is a dada prof. this version of regulus is so funny to me

Somebody to Love by Graceless_Lady for KaiSkitty Regulus/Lily

a red 'happy birthday papa!' lego cake by sunburnt (orphan_account) cute

okay, who brought back the damned legos? by sunburnt cute jegulus raising harry

hope is the thing with antlers by stardiver jegulus

all i want for christmas is you by lemndrps toxic bartylus MCD

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina!!! I just wanted to pop by and thank you for recommending The Serpent and the Lion. I just finished it and I have to say JK R*wling obviously really turned me off to enjoying anything set in the Harry Potter universe for a long time but this was such a treat to come to. So heart wrenching. I miss this Harry and Louis already, I’m so upset there isn’t an epilogue 😭😭 (yet?!!!) But seriously, thank you for bringing this story to me, it was a joy to be back in that universe again 🫶🏼

Oh I’m so happy you enjoyed it! I literally have zero interest in anything Harry Potter, but that fic is such a good one.

The Serpent and The Lion by louiseparker (E, 213K)

“Louis doesn’t know what lives in boys like Harry—magnificently beautiful boys, who should want for nothing, but somehow still have a quiet dissatisfaction for life simmering underneath the surface. The change in Harry was something Louis never thought he’d see, but then again, nothing that had been happening lately was ever in Louis’s line of prediction.”

OR

Seventh year Hogwarts AU in which Harry Styles is an asshole Gryffindor jock with daddy issues, Louis is just trying to get through the year, and Liam, Zayn, and Niall rarely ever know what the hell is going on.

[amyyscorner]

Live reaction: Goosebumps (2023)

Spoilers below the cut

ok emo i hope he dies WAIT IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE RL STINE?? ding dong bitch DONT WALK OUTSIDE JESUS HAVE U NOT SEEN A FUCKING HORROR MOVIE??? mans gon die the doorbell ghost really be trolling LMAO THE CHANDELIER candles. ofc he has candles. sth gon burn HIS NAME IS HAROLD? LMAOOOOO i knew there was gonna be a fire. mans burned i love being right ooooooh pretty introoooo me likey NOT UNHOLY BY SAM SMITH PLEASE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SHOW FOR LIKE 12+ NAUR Ayo AYO IS THAT HER???? OMG I LOVE THAT HER NOT THE BIKING ACCIDENT LMAOOOOO i love lucas already PLEASE NOT MORE UNHOLY I AM GIGGLING oooh its the same school as the guy who died harold isaiah is the jock lucas is the nerd/idiot margot is the girl thats not like the others NOT HER READING AT THE EVENT PLS HARRY STYLES WONT PICK U BESTIE PLS THE POOR GUY LEAVE HIM ALONE D: isabella seems like the girl who is actually chill and just wants to do her thing AYO SAM BE CUTE im in love with james i need james in my life james is me oh so jocks gf is an insta popular girl "im literally super nice" "so why am i being trolled?" maybe bc u called it being trolled jock who doesn't get good grades? i hope they get less...two dimensional like give the jock an actual problem maybe he has adhd or a learning disability so he focused on physical activity now who tf is glasses nathan bratt BEN HOLY SHIT U ARE FATHER PARENT ok so nathan is the lil nerdy weird adult the parents were grieving their kid wtf dude??? nathan has killer vibes hes gon die or at least get hurt HE GOT HURT LMAOOOOO yeah nah he deserved that ben tho? king. love him NOT THE BLOOD KEY LMAOOOOOO OH IS BEN JOCKS DAD? oh baby :( now he is too scared to tell them he won't be playing in the game bc there is no way he will be able to get that A THEYRE TALKING IN THAT IDIGAH LANGUAGE margot is not for me but she seems like a good friend to him ayo you know but hamilton seems like helpful dont help him cheat just help him study yeah nah thats so dumb yall deseve to fail trust me i can say it bc i used to cheat in this one class HOW OBVIOUS CAN U BE JESUS CHRIST okay so margot likes isaiah but he is dating allison so far im not as invested as i could be tbh not the murder hourse being the new place jesus this is so stupid all of you deserve to die all of you so fucking dumb like i get the rush of it. i've been in an abandoned psych clinic before a few years before it burnt down but this? idk besties, you should know this is dumb thor he is obviously thor he has a blonde wig and a hammer actual stupid people dont go to the basement please YES IT IS HAUNTED YES IT MAKES FOR A GOOD PARTY UNTIL EVERYONE DIES BESTIES so far i hate the main characters dont go down there dont go to the basement dont walk TO THE DOOR THAT MAGICALLY OPENED TO THE BASEMENT WHERE A DUDE DIED "i bet the fuse box is down there" - okay video game main character oh okay so allison knows she likes him and is insanely jealous girl why are you such a bitch to her?? she just didn't know to be late to parties wtf fuck them yes walk down the creepy stairs i hope u get hurt for being such an asshole cause wtf stop exploring and just find the fuse box ur not a video game there r no secrets to find good attempt at the jumpscare. unfortunately not random enough oh no the ghost door to the ghost basement closed how unexpected i'm so surprised wow this was so surprising omg hes fine he will walk up and scare you guys SEE i knew it SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE

okay we finished the first half of the ep 2nd half reaction coming soon

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 11: Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

Made an apple crisp and watched Halloween 6. My first instinct is to say it was...not good. The beauty of Halloween (1978) is its simplicity, and the sequels are at their worst when they become convoluted and complicated--and this one was way too convoluted. I am not interested in Druids and curses and dark magic ceremonies and people in robes, blah blah blah. I don't think the series needs any of this and if it DOES because there's nothing else to say--just stop making them? I can definitely understand how, even though the ending did not have the 'this is end of the plot' feel of Halloween II, and I could easily imagine them continuing on with what was revealed here--following Tommy and Kara perhaps to some kind of romance, playing around more with making Danny evil, more fully explaining the "DNA experiments" whispered about here, and continuing down the Druid cult rabbit hole--I also fully understand why they dropped ALL of that and went the "now a different AU, Laurie lives" route.

Weirdly, the film it reminded me of the most was H3 Spirit of the Witch: the mixing of ancient curses with modern technology, the idea of Halloween as a ritualistic night of bloodletting, and the big climax in an echoing laboratory. But... I thought H3 did all that stuff better, in part because it doesn't gel with the Michael Myers lore, in my opinion.

The worst part of the movie was what they did to Jamie. Bad enough they fucked over Danielle Harris, but... what a gross, disgusting route to go with that character. Kidnapped, left for years who knows where, then presumably raped, kept alive only to open the movie with Birth Torture Porn (soooo uncomfortable), then be the Harbinger Character, and then die, in an absolutely repulsive way. She was the final girl! She was the protagonist of 2 films! But now that she's given birth to a prop baby, we don't need her for anything.

I was not a fan of the gore level of the deaths in general. Why did we need to straight up see John Strode explode? I know the silly levels of blood and guts are a plus for a lot of slasher fans but not me.

Also, there was not enough Loomis in this film, especially egregious since it was Donald Pleasence's last film. Everything they did leave in was very...rote. Did he need to be in the movie at all? Was he really doing anything?

For a last-film-in-the-arc there was also a lot of stuff that wasn't explained. I suppose at least some of it was in the Producer's Cut, but I'm not planning on watching that any time soon. Was Steven an incest baby or a science baby or both? What exactly was going on with Danny? Like, I understood it, but... it felt like a big plot point to be sorta left off to the side. Like H4 Jamie but lamer.

There were some things I liked. The concept of the Young People trying to resurrect Halloween was cool, but I don't think they did enough with it, either the forbidden Halloween era, or the Junior College campus party. I thought the film was going to climax there instead of at the asylum/hospital, but as it was, it was sort of a...footnote of a plot point. But it had promise.

Similarly, I liked the asshole shock jock. The radio show that connected all the different characters was very clever and made the intro more interesting, and it was a bit of meta fun, with the different callers and theories, that a franchise this many movies in can do. It also added some levity, which most of the film lacked. Having Jamie communicate her warning through the radio was pretty cool.

I was entertained watching Paul Rudd, though I would not necessarily call his performance...good? I wasn't sure what they were getting at with grown up Tommy but it almost worked for me? I heard he was supposed to be like the successor to Loomis, and I can see that if I squint. I wish they'd played it up more. Like, an original character becoming a creepy obsessive with red string connecting the newspaper clippings on his wall, and he's played by a young, cute Paul Rudd? Here for this, even if in practice they did not stick the landing.

I thought Kara was a pretty competent final-girl figure, also.

And there were a few creepy moments that I really liked: John Strode approaching the washing machine; Kara stepping over Michael to get to Danny; the little girl talking about the "warm, red rain," which had a real nightmare quality; and the shots of Tommy at the Halloween party (why? idk) intercut with Mrs. B talking about Halloween with Danny. That sequence really screamed "the climax of this story is going to happen here" but then it didn't. Oh well. Tommy trying to open the door to get Kara out while Michael approaches was also pretty great.

Finally, I liked this depiction of Michael: the mask, the outfit, the actor. The franchise gets A LOT out of this character design. All he needs to do is appear in the shadows or walk slowly across a room and it's automatically scary! But this one I thought had a little extra zest.

Next is H20, which I actually am excited to watch, but I don't know if I'll have time between now and when I visit home for the holidays.

[ao3feed-larry]

Sweetness of Your Heart

by HurtandComfort

Harry Styles has a problem.

A boy problem.

His father's been nagging him about becoming a perfect role model, a perfect Alpha to be elected the next leader of the Styles Pack. But he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to play football and deal with asshole teammates on his team, deal with responsibilities and other shit. He wants to get a boyfriend of his own, something that isn't easy to do with so few Omegas in his pack.

Maybe that new coffee shop in town will change that?

Words: 4014, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Alternate Universe - College/University, Coffee Shops, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Developing Friendships, Hand Jobs, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Harry Styles, Omega Louis Tomlinson, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, masturbation addiction, Pining, Jock Harry Styles, Barista Louis Tomlinson, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Harry is always horny, More tags to be added, Homophobia, Bullying, Not Beta Read

via AO3 works tagged 'Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson' https://ift.tt/U0JFqR3

[threeopennames]

HP1C13

Nickleback Flannel

We lead off with something that becomes actually important later, but by accident. The 'crew' is doing research find out who the mysterious Flamel guy is. Harry, unfortunately, has been saddled with sports team practice and can't help out as much. So begins a long number of situations where sports takes priority for Harry over things that seem much more important. Not an unreasonable position for a child to take!

We take another dump on Hermione for having the audacity for being a good student, and we are treated to some Neville abuse, because it's funny when it happens to characters that aren't Harry Potter. What's extra weird that explicitly, EVERYONE but Hermione laughs, and she's the only one to go help him. This is like that hypothetical scene of the nerd coming in after getting a wedgie by the jocks and having his friends...point and laugh. In fact, our Good Guys Harry and Ron don't even really care until they hear Draco did it. Draco! The fiend! Let's stop mocking Neville for a minute now that we have an excuse to punch Draco.

Harry then, through his generous regifting of Hermione's Christmas gift, where the Flamel name comes from. This is both an interesting bit of reincorporation and kind of an unfortunate way to do it. The author employs something I'm not fond of which is the idea of a character getting lucky due to performing some 'good' act. I don't like the idea that if someone does the 'good' thing like helping a friend, the universe will bestow upon them a lucky solution to their current problem. I think I would have rather something like, Harry helps Neville, and then Neville is like 'oh hey I have a Flamel card you can have' and that way the REWARD for being a good friend is HAVING a good friend, and not that the cosmic fates have twisted to grant you a boon for following the rules.

Hermione has the solution to the biggest mystery yet, and so naturally, Ron is going to bitch and moan and be a petty asshole the whole time. We learn there's a magic stone. We also learn Harry is scared of dying, but not so scared he's going to tell anyone about it. Ron snaps at Hermione again for good measure and we get some more QUIDDITCH wow how lovely. Since Quidditch is boring, though, we lose interest really fast and instead go to some Draco bullying Neville. Then, after all the setup of Ron and Hermione practicing magic to really pull a fast one on Draco, Ron uses a clever trick to nah I'm just kidding he gets butthurt because Draco calls him poor then punches him in the face.

Snape looks angry and unhappy, which you're not allowed to be in the Harry Potter universe. We're then treated to Harry accidentally stumbling on his meeting with Quirrel. Again the author is rewarding Harry for doing a good thing (winning the spots?) by the universe handing him another solution to his current predicament. Anyway we also learn Neville got a concussion when Draco's friends beat him up, which is for some reason treated as not absolutely horrifying. We're also told that Fred and George steal food from the kitchens which like, okay, couldn't you have just asked? And then the chapter just ends with Ron being a nasty git, as we've come to expect.

[jlf23tumble]

hi hello jen💕 i always love the recs you give and i guess it's my turn to ask for some recs, even though you've already been giving out a lot today! the deleted sketch really made me want to read some jock!harry fics so i was wondering if you had any good recs for that? like some jock!harry larry fics feels a bit too... hetero if you know what i mean?

Lmao, that’s fine, they’re easy to give! I’m just running around today, so it’s tougher to be more thorough (like, I *know* I have an amazing swimteam one, and I cannot find it, don’t really have time to search for it, ugh). ANYWAY, UH YUH, I KNOW THE VIBE OF WHICH YOU SPEAK, U R SAFE HERE! These aren’t all necessarily bh, but they are *not* asshole jock Harry:

Give It to Me (I’m Worth It), by sweaterpawstyles, louis/harry, 3.8k words, E. Louis can’t resist Harry in the red shorts that he wore during the James Corden skit. Featuring locker room sex. (look, it’s a stretch, but they’re playing sports, and I love it, so enjoy!)

So Much Left to Say, by myownspark, louis/harry, 7.6k words, M. Harry and Louis play for rival high school football teams, and when they play against each other in the Homecoming game, someone has to lose. (SO FUCKING SOFT AND TENDER, I get major Hush vibes from it)

Strength in Softness, by larrymylove, louis/harry, 16k words, M. As he started at the picture, he wondered if Harry had pink nail varnish on his toes when it was taken, and what other tattoos and secrets he had buried underneath his workout gear and hard expression. (personal trainer Harry, lots of emotional things happening)

and your light’s always shining on series, by orphan_account (needs ao3), louis/harry, 16.8k words, E. Louis sends him lots of messages with exclamation marks and so proud of u haz !! and that save was brilliant ! and u look so cute when ur angry :p. Harry replies back with lots of heart emojis and pictures of himself shirtless and still in bed, grinning like an idiot, and Louis saves all of Harry’s pictures. (louis plays for real madrid, harry plays for liverpool)

All the Right Moves, by cherrystreet, louis/harry, 32k words, E. This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back. There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students. (basketball star Harry Styles!!)

Be My Little Good Luck Charm, by 100percentsassy, louis/harry, 34k words, E.  In which Harry is a promising amateur golfer making his debut at the PGA Championship, and Louis is a Sky Sports anchor who would really rather be commentating on footie. (a modern classic)

Small Does series, by QuickedWeen, louis/harry, 45k words, E. Louis Tomlinson finds himself at Vitality Fitness to try and turn his life around after having left his cheating boyfriend of four years. The gym’s owner, Liam, quickly becomes a good friend, but his right hand man is rude and dismissive from the get-go. (I know, I know, I love it, okay?)

One for Luck, by leavingonatrain, louis/harry, 96k words, E. The very first time Louis remembers hearing Harry Styles’ deep, deep voice, he’s just won gold at the World Equestrian Games and he’s officially back on Great Britain’s Olympic team. He’s also three sheets to the wind, drunk on victory and champagne, and there’s a gorgeous boy whispering in his ear. Life’s grand. (so many AMAZING horse fics out there, i stg)

The Finish Line (Is a Good Place to Start), by loadedgunn, louis/harry, 121k words, E. Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. (oh, MAN, a fave)

..and if you want to cry with me about an amazing wip, check out The Joy I’ve Named Shall Not Be Tamed, by 100percentsassy and gloriaandews, where  Louis is a flash-in-the-pan tennis star trying to mount a comeback after what should have been a career-ending injury. Harry, who walked away from tennis just as he was poised to dominate the sport, is his new coach.

ETA: I FOUND THE SWIM TEAM ONE, THEY ARE BOTH JOCKS, HOORAY!

[shitpost-anewmusical]

Harry Potter is 99.9% fired as a character

The 0.1% being how he treats Luna

[louiseparker]

the serpent and the lion - louiseparker

rating: explicit | word count: 212K

tags: enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, internalized homophobia, coming of age, coming out, pining, original characters

summary:

Seventh year Hogwarts AU in which Harry Styles is an asshole Gryffindor jock, Louis is a Slytherin just trying to get through the year, and Liam, Zayn and Niall rarely ever know what the hell is going on.

[solradguy]

Could we possibly learn more about your D&D character(s)? :D

YEAH!!! Thanks for asking :D!! My group used to do one-shots every time someone in the group couldn't make it so I've had like 15 characters haha I'll tell you about the two I'm playing now and my all-time favorite character I've played.

We have a side campaign run by Raven that takes place in Strixhaven and we do this campaign when too many people are missing from our main one. My character for this campaign is a Leonin wizard named Gringdor Kethu (the R's in Gringdor are rolled). He was raised by a gay Dwarf couple and I wrote him to have the most wholesome backstory possible lol. They love him so much and support all of his hobbies and are paying for his way through college. Gringdor wants to study theology at Strixhaven.

Gringdor's personality at the start of the campaign was pretty stuffy and arrogant, but the dice had other plans about that!!!! He rolls bad on EVERYTHING. EVERY SINGLE THING. It's so funny. The first time we got into combat poor Gringdor whiffed like EVERY HIT and then we had a dance class where he tripped and knocked down a bunch of people. He's soooooo pathetic but he's very optimistic and he's trying his best!!!

I did our tokens for this campaign in watercolors and based them on the original UK covers for Harry Potter. Here's Gringdor's:

Our current main campaign is run by Nuns and is a homebrew scifi/fantasy mixture setting with space travel and cyberpunk elements. The party recently got consumed by Rylox, an elder deity, and isekai'd to a medieval fantasy setting. I'm playing Mirasaran Tokhubileh (Mira) in this setting. He's a half-Orc/half-Tiefling (he uses the half-Orc stats but looks mostly like a Tiefling) pact of the old one warlock and his patron, Nyarlathotep (Gnarly), turned out just to be a rather wimpy messenger of Rylox and the other elder deities.

The medieval setting the group is in right now is eternally night and the people there worship the Twin Suns, Sigma Yol and Serrenna, and recognized Mira's magic as being related to Rylox, who is basically the anti-christ to them. One of our party members, Zab, was created by the Twin Suns. Most of the party kind of has this "friends because they have to be" dynamic but Mira and Zab are actually pretty good friends despite their powers coming from totally opposite places haha. They've butted heads on it before, but Mira got his powers unwillingly and doesn't always want to do what Gnarly does (which is usually kill and eat innocent people lol). Mira's sort of getting into the idea of killing people though because he's fed up with being pushed around by other people.

I drew all our tokens for this campaign in a sort of 1980s anime inspired style. Here's Mira's:

and his ref sheet:

My ALL TIME dnd bae is the second character I ever made for dnd. My buddy Shottie and I tried doing a campaign with this guy named Wolf but everyone got busy with work n stuff so the group dissolved. I played a character named Daemedes (half-Orc paladin) for that and Shottie played Nekeesk, Dae's bff, who was a Kobold necromancer. Then we found a new group through Reddit and ran Curse of Strahd. I didn't want to have to manage spell slots n stuff so I made a Tiefling barbarian based on one I was playing in Neverwinter at the time, Steel Flexmeat, but I didn't want to ruin the vibe of the setting bringing his name over like that and I changed it to Stahl Flexicarnosus (a pseudonym).

I wanted Stahl to be an outgoing asshole jock-type character but our DM back then (not Nuns, our current DM) wanted us to do character voices and I was too shy to so Stahl became introverted. He was still kind of a bastard but instead of rubbing it into peoples' faces, he let his actions speak for him instead.

Our Curse of Stahd campaign was kinda rushed by our DM and I wasn't really satisfied with how it went so when we got our current DM, Nuns, I brought Stahl back for our Ravnica campaign. I talked to him about working Stahl's CoS lore in with Ravnica since Rav's got a bunch of planeswalking nonsense going on anyway. Stahl's lore ended up that when the CoS party went to kill Stahd, the magic they activated to permanently kill Strahd and stop him from resurrecting forever went sideways and Stahl got blasted to another dimension: Ravnica.

In Ravnica, Stahl ended up joining the Gruul Clans (Zhur Taa specifically; Gruul was like the Mad Max raider faction) and decided that he was going to summon Ilharg the Raze Boar in the hopes that causing a cataclysmic amount of damage to this plane might warp him either back to the CoS plane or even the plane he came from originally (CoS itself was a separate dimension Stahl had fallen into). Shottie brought Nekeesk back for this campaign too and we had some moments where I got to play Daemedes again. It was cool.

Stahl ended up joining with the party because he was chosen by the Gruul Clans to go to this super boring meeting that all of the guilds of Ravnica had been called to attend because he was like the "new guy" and a bit of an outcast. It turned out that Nicol Bolas was returning and was going to blow the whole place up. Stahl could not care less.

A bunch of crazy stuff went down and basically Stahl became the vessel of Ilharg a few weeks before the party had a showdown with Nicol Bolas. Stahl turned into a giant flaming boar monster and fought Bolas with the rest of the party on top of these floating islands in the sky. It was sikkkkkkkkk. We were SO CLOSE to party wiping. Ilharg's essence made Stahl want to burn and destroy everything around him so whenever it was my turn to attack, I also had to roll to make sure that Stahl stayed in control of himself and didn't start attacking the party. The rolls were insane. I had to beat like a 15 or something and rolled higher than that like 5 times in a row.

After the party killed Nicol Bolas, they all kind of scattered in different directions. Stahl still had Ilharg's essence in him so he went back to the Gruul wasteland so if he accidentally flaming boar god installed again, he'd only melt cacti and stuff until he calmed down again. This was like 3 years before I got into GG btw, which I think is hilarious. I was so close to accidentally reverse engineering Tiefling Sol Badguy hahaha

Anyway, I've drawn Stahl a LOT. Our DM uses this cute token pack so I drew our party's tokens based on it. Here's Stahls:

And his post-Ravnica reference sheet:

I've got entries on my Toyhouse for Mira and Stahl, but not Gringdor or most of the other characters I've played:

[six-of-ravens]

also not to rant all day but I saw a post earlier tangentially related and it made me realize why I have such a problem with a lot of recent YA (and was part of the reason why I got annoyed with Seasonal Fears, which I'll use as an example bc it's freshest in my memory):

I feel like you can hear all the fucking Twitter arguments the author has had on-page. Like, I feel like some authors spend more time trying to convey THEMSELVES and THEIR OPINIONS on socio-political issues, or (in SF's case) waste a ton of words trying to explain why a thing the internet has decided is Bad, Actually (ie. beefy jock boyfriends with fragile chronically ill girlfriends) is Fine in this scenario, because undoubtedly a bunch of randos on twitter took them to task for it, and instead of saying "yeah, I'm writing this, you need to stop making assumptions in bad faith" they went "oh shit everyone who reads this book needs to know exactly where I stand and that I would never write a Bad character so they don't use the most bad faith interpretation to come for me!!!"

Like I didn't need a ramble every other paragraph about how Harry from SF is good and kind and supportive and not abusive or an asshole, and oh gawd if he has a steamy thought about Mel it's all over! like, author. you told us they've been dating for like 4 years at this point, I don't need a disclaimer that he's Not a Rapist every time he thinks about her. He doesn't even do anything terribly questionable on-screen except some mildly poor driving due to exhaustion and distraction by magical shit, and yet every action comes with a (*not a bad guy here's a paragraph about it)

Also I feel like this is contributing to the idea that every book an author writes has to be a direct reflection of themselves and their thoughts and feelings on certain issues, and every book needs to be treated as a manifesto of their current beliefs, and I hate that. The more you give into the idea that you need to justify and bargain and plead with your readers to think of you as a normal human and not a monster, via a FICTIONAL STORY THAT YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE A PART OF, UNLESS YOU'RE MAKING SOME AUTHOR SURROGATE LIKE LEMONY SNICKET, the more you contribute to people not being able to write books with grey morality or villain protagonists or thought exercises instead of clear black-and-white morals without getting hunted for sport.

And like, I get the idea. but THE STORY DOESN'T NEED AN (A/N LISTEN I KNOW I WROTE A BEEFY STRAIGHT RICH FOOTBALL PLAYER BUT HERE'S ME PRETENDING TO BE HIS INNER MONOLOGUE JUSTIFYING WHY HE'S A GOOD GUY AND WOULD NEVER HARM HIS GF, A NORMAL THOUGHT PROCESS EVERYONE HAS ALL THE TIME NOT REFLECTIVE OF MEAN THINGS PEOPLE SAID/MIGHT SAY ABOUT ME ONLINE) EVERY CHAPTER. If it relates to the story or is natural for your characters to say or think, cool, but I don't need your poorly-disguised flustered rants practically titled Twitter Might Cancel Me For This So I'm Trying Harder To Explain Myself. It's HELLA boring.

[unusualslytherin]

Mini-rant

The Harry Potter series has it’s flaws, as well as the fandom itself, but the people who try to say Harry was a “privileged white jock boy” make me absolutely cringe.

He was an orphan, a victim of abuse, and a victim of bullying (which is really just another form of abuse, tbh). No amount of “being a jock” or “having a ton of money” (that he can’t use too openly without the Dursleys trying to steal it) or fame changes that. He was literally being starved and not allowed to leave his room except to use the bathroom in the second book. If you can call an abused child “privileged” then something is wrong with you.

I’m also a bit baffled when people use “He married his High School sweet heart” as an attack towards the series because, many people do, especially when they started dating towards the END of high school. Would you rather he had gone the generic “marry the girl of the group because she apparently is only there to be his love interest” route that was popular at the time? Could their relationship have been handled better? Sure. But it’s still a realistic outcome, and fans at the time would have rioted if they just broke up and married characters we never got to read about.

“He was a dumb jock” comes up stupidly often, too. Can we please leave that “jocks are dumb assholes who deserve to be made fun of all the time” mentality back in the 90′s to early 2000′s where it belongs? Newsflash: None of the bullies I or many other people went to school with were the jocks. As a matter of fact, sometimes the jocks were the ones confronting the bullies. Why? Because whether or not you play sports in school doesn’t determine whether or not you’re a good or smart person, you dolts! I knew a friendly kid who was on the football team and the honor roll! What’s next? You also going to assume all emos want to shoot up schools and cut themselves? That all feminine blonde girls who wear pink are bullies who pick on the geeky girls who talk in nasally voices, wear giant glasses, and have no interests outside books? (Actually, you could argue Hermione is a bad stereotype of nerds) That all goths are sad all the time, and roll their eyes at the color pink? Grow up, life isn’t a  Disney Channel sitcom. Also, Harry wasn’t dumb by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah, he struggled in some classes, but he excelled in DADA, was able to do well in potions when given better instructions, and was noted for being able to perform difficult spells.

There are PLENTY of valid criticisms of the series, such as how Merope Gaunt was painted as the victim after using magic to force a man to love her just because she was mistreated before that, J.K. Rowling’s terrible comments online, Dumbledore’s leaving Harry with the Dursleys being brushed aside as “so this spell could protect Harry” far too late into the series, the whole “every character based on someone Rowling didn’t like is in Slytherin” thing, Rowling making up representation that wasn’t actually in the books so try and get woke points, etc. But trying to paint Harry as a privileged, rich, “dumb jock” is ABSURD given his circumstances.