#but now im so burnt out and i think i should have gone to like a normally paced program… i am not cut out for this

[gales-boyfriend]

for reals tho i think im gonna not be able to graduate on my projected graduation date because i was just lazy and sad too much :/

[bitchimasnake-sss]

sfw alphabet ft. roronoa zoro! (because im down bad for him)

enough horniness, now we shall weep and cry cause of how much we love this moss head 🤭🤭

yes ur honor this is the man im in love with :/

💗affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?):

affection (in it's traditional sense) comes hard to zoro. he doesn't really know how to go about it to be very honest. to him affection is sarcasm and acts of services ("acts of service" include calling you mid in 5 languages (joke), making fun of your exercise form and the way you sometimes drool in your sleep, offering you sake etc.). but as time passes by and you both start getting more comfortable with each other, he gets on board with it. every time you both are spending time alone, he holds onto you one way or the other. don't expect him to call you sugarcakes or something because he won't but he will let you know before drifting off to sleep that you mean the world to him. i dont think hes a huge pda guy but if he's super drunk then he cannot possibly keep his hands off of you, its quite weird for the crew to see him so openly affectionate (cue sanji gagging).

💗best friend:

what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start? he's lowkey the bestest of best friends. he has the energy of "idk what you're doing but ig do it anyways cause i know how to fight" an opinion on everything but he doesn't have the time or energy to say anything (between his sleeping and training). doesn't mean he's any less nonchalant, no, he's just super opinionated for some reason. so, when you're sitting next to him on the deck on those late nights, asking him absurd questions, best believe he will deliver peak (nonchalant) commentary. especially after the two years when he's back from living with perona!!! HE IS A CERTIFIED FASHION KING. "zoro," you nudge him and he hums in response, "i was thinking of getting nami that silver bracelet for her birthday, should i?" "i mean i wouldn't give that debt collecting witch anything but-" he winces lightly when you punch him in the arm, "-but. i think silver will look look washed out against his complexion. gold seems better" "you think?"

💗cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?):

at the start, he thinks cuddles are lowkey dumb (and like he probably has gone years without them), so, he puts up this weird drama like "uh no i dont wanna do it" ofc he's lying. cause you're so soft and you smell so good and his hands are literally shaking trying not to hold you against him. after a while, he will unironically announce to you that he is the little spoon tonight and you need to suck it up. (lowkey gives the best cuddles because he literally envelopes you whole till you have to physically push him away) he wants to cuddle but you're DYING. YOU JUST KNOW YOU ARE. because this man is a heat radiating hot heating device heater. he is like a portable sauna. he needs to give you some space but he wont.

💗domestic (how are they at cooking and cleaning?):

cooking? cleaning? you should be grateful that he's showering everyday ever since you started dating him. he knows some basic cooking and cleaning skills (cause he did survive on his own for a good few years) but he doesn't know them in a socially acceptable manner. he just caught a fish, burnt it and ate it cause ✨proteins✨ okay? it's not like he does it on purpose, it's just that he's too focused on training and getting better and you have a chef so, he doesn't have to bother too much about it. but if you both were living together, then i think he will obviously learn them cause he doesn't want you to be the only responsible one cleaning after his messes. and he actually has kinda started liking cooking cause it's relaxing (he's also good at chopping up veggies and stuff so you both can cook together). the only part of cooking he hates is when sanji starts giving him tips cause like genuinely, sanji mind your own fucking business okay he'd learn pasta himself. tldr; the first time you teach him these things, he makes a mess and almost burns down your house but afterwards, you can rely on him to get the things done semi-nicely.

💗ending:

if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? i think if zoro had to breakup with someone it will probably be over focusing on his dreams of being the best swordsman or if you cheated on him or broke his trust. i don't think he will pursue a relationship with someone if he didn't see it lasting, so, he won't break-up for petty reasons (nor do i think he will ever cheat). i also think he's a practical man. he won't try to sugarcoat or make you false promises. he sure as fuck won't tell you that you both can "still be friends" or some shit (i mean unless you're in the same crew then it kinda goes without saying). he'll probably ask you to come have a chat with him. sit you down and tell you directly and exactly why he is doing it. and he absolutely won't let you have any residual doubts if you "weren't enough" for him or so. just because he has to make this decision doesn't mean he doesn't love or respect you. so, even tho he won't ask you to be friends, if you ever need someone to rely on, he will be there for you. bottom line, he will still be a friend to you (though prepare to ignore each other for a long time after the breakup cause obviously it hurts and you might punch him)

💗fiance(e):

how do they feel about commitment? seeing as his character is super ride or die, he definitely doesn't have a problem recognizing how much you mean to him. but he is pretty emotionally constipated, so, he will take an eternity to actually accept how much you mean to him in a non-friendly manner. how quick would they want to get married? settling down??? no. he's not settling down. not until he's the best swordsman atleast. marriage is lowkey scary to him cause he didn't grow up with healthily functioning relationships to look upto but once he started dating you, he could see it potentially being a "forever" sort of a thing. he's probably not gonna say that out loud tho, thats a topic reserved only for wayward day-dreams or super drunken nights. so, as for the marriage thing he'd want to take his time. he would probably choose to achieve his own goals (and support you to reach yours) and then, think about settling down.

💗gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?):

physically: zoro is acutely aware of his super-human strength but it still comes as a shocker to him to see how fragile, almost dainty you are in compare to him. simple things like comparing hand sizes or how large his t-shirt looks on you when you wear it to sleep genuinely leave him awestruck (and slightly lovesick). so, he makes it his number one priority to always be gentle to you, as if he's scared that you're on the cusp of breaking. and he treats you as such always. (unless you ask with tear-lidden eyes and trembling lips how badly you want him to demolish you because then, maybe he is ready to comply) emotionally: like almost everything else, gentle words come hard to him at the start. all he has known is tough love. so, understanding that making fun of you when you're having your weekly breakdown was the wrong choice took him a while. he's not like emotionally stunted but he still doesn't trust his choice of words to comfort you. rather, he lets the way he holds you against him and pets your head when you sob against his chest do the talking. but if you go out of your way to teach him what he should probably say when you're sad then he might have some luck with it. until then, enjoy the cuddles.

💗hugs:

do they like hugs? after starting to date you, this man realized he loves hugs. and he loves giving hugs. but he's incredibly selective and thus far the only two (2) candidates have been allowed to pass through his tedious selection process. that being you and chopper (both of you are in a binding contract so you cant tell anyone about it either). well, luffy too if you count how clingy he can get 👍🏼 how often do they do it? he does hug you atleast once a day even if it as subtle as holding you from the back, resting his head on your shoulder. what are their hugs like? his hugs are genuinely bear hugs. okay. like he will engulf you and you will stand back and allow it to happen. he doesn't really hold on too long tho, so usually you gotta pull him back towards yourself and hug him tighter when you want it to last longer. pulling him towards yourself usually ends with him smiling and pressing a chaste kiss on your temple as his hands snake around you yet again.

💗"I love you" (how fast do they say the L-word?):

i think he says it fairly sooner than you anticipate. like however long you think he will take, it takes significantly lesser time. this is because (as i said), he probably spent a long time in denial and then in pining, so, naturally by the time you got together, he was sure of his feelings for you. anyways, one of my first fics on this blog was of how zoro probably said "i love you" to you when he was drunk and forgot about it when he woke up the next day. i still stand by that. i think it was a genuine, drunken confession but when you shyly confronted him about it, he just replied, "yeah, i meant that. i love you." his words were nonchalant but you could notice the dusted pink of his cheeks when he admits it and then his unsure gaze as he looks over your face and then the ground. (truth is, he only acted nonchalant. internally he is ready to jump off the ship incase you didn't say it back. thank god you said it back.)

💗jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?):

omg this man is simultaneously the most secure and the most jealous whore in this world. does he know you're not gonna cheat on him and ignore practically any man throwing himself on you? yeah, he knows that. but does he also want to cut off all those guys' heads if they even look at you? kinda, yes. i think he gets really shy to admit he's jealous. like he'd blame his irritable temper on the weather or the fact that he got less sleep last night. but you did notice how he clenched his jaw when a random guy in the market had been ogling you. and so, you tease him relentlessly. "zoro," you laugh, poking him in the chest accusingly, "are you sure? i think there might be something else going on" "like what?" he huffs, "i just got less sleep last night." "babe are you like jealous?" "no-" "you totally are" "stop saying that" "jealoussss" as to how does he deal with it? he fucks you. quick 'n easy. (im so sorry if youre a minor and reading this, in that case he pillow fights you to death.)

💗kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?):

what are their kisses like: after a long day, he always unwinds with you. so, his kisses are usually slow. he relishes in the way your lips feels against his, the way your cheeks feel like under his palm and the way you smile at him when you pull away. there's no haste because he has you right there and you both know you're not going anywhere. but on those nights he's pent up, anger and frustration strewn across his veins, he chooses to kiss you till he forgets just what he was angry about. his kiss-bitten lips are hot against yours, his hand roughly kneading your waist as he pours his anger into your desperate kisses. where does he like to kiss you: in public, his favourite spots are definitely your cheek or your temple as they are relatively tame pda tactics but still gets the point across. he gets to show his affection towards you without making a huge show for it. he also loves kissing on your shoulder as he rests his head on your shoulder and holds onto you. he can feel your pulse under his dull, soft kisses and heard your breathy hums and moans.

💗ittle ones (how are they around children?):

well, i hate kids. so, im gonna be biased. okay i don't hate kids but i hate toddlers. fucking devil spawns. i truly believe they will sacrifice us all for the beginning of the dark ages. anyways, zoro's not great with kids in theory. but somehow, when he interacts with kids he does end up somehow being a good (annoyed) dad figure (remember when he fathered three kids? cause i do)

💗mornings (how are mornings spent with them?):

morning with this green-haired ass start with you pushing his heavy arm off of you. you mumble that you're hot, trying to turn away from him and into the cool sheet. but it's no use because he just traps you against him yet again. zoro definitely doesn't give morning person vibes so i believe you are up before he is. you run you fingers softly against his scalp, bringing down your drumming fingers to his bare shoulders. you press an innocent kiss to his forehead and smile when he leans into your faint touches. when he finally wakes up, he looks up at you through sleepy eyes. he greets you with a tired "morning" before closing his eyes and draping himself you again. "zoro" you whisper half-heartedly, "everyone else is up, come on, we should get up too" he mumbles into your skin, "they weren't the ones keeping a watch last night, were they? come on, 10 more mins." "zo-" "please" he looks up at you, flashing you a soft smile, "10 mins." "10 mins only, okay? then we get up" (well, 10? more like 2 mins. luffy started yelling about breakfast and tried to eat before the food was served. and so, sanji (naturally) kicked him to near-death, so, you both had to wake up)

💗night (how are nights spent with them?):

walking out of the shower, you dry yourself off before cladding yourself in your pajamas. your limbs feel tired, body devoid of any and all energy as you climb into your bed to relax. sometimes you read, other times you just stare at the ceilings and think about stuff (we've all been there). zoro usually slips into the room silently, closing the door behind him. he plops down next to you and you curl up against him. sometimes, you both exchange small talk, if something fun happened while the other person wasn't around or gossip you heard from nami and ussop. but most days, you both simply enjoy the silence in each other's company till you're ready to fall asleep. every once in a while, he slips into the shower with you. (keeping this kids friendly) he gently washes your scalp and you rest your bare back against his chest as you ease yourself into the warm water. you return the favor by giving him a back massage. after this youre both so tired that you immediately pass the fuck out.

💗open:

when would they start revealing things about themselves: i feel like he'd know a lot about you before you find out anything important about him. he wears his loyalty and his dreams on his arms, but you don't find out why his dreams are so important or why he is so fidgety around tashigi until you're a good few days into dating. other small things about him are revealed to you thru his actions as he never mentions them, so, be prepared to be a persistent observer. do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly: he always reveals himself in little ways, never revealing too much. not because he doesn't trust you but because he's never had to talk about anything like this out loud. but anytime he does end up telling you something, it ends up being a heart to heart conversation. also, since he does get very drunk very often canonically, i don't think he's the type to slip up and tell things only cause he's not in the right headspace. so i imagine he only tells you things sober and in solitude, further cementing his trust in you.

💗patience (how easily angered are they?):

in moments of actual anger, as a swordsman, zoro is pretty good while handling his emotions. he knows how to differentiate between irrational feelings and actual solutions needed to get to the bottom of something. so, even when he gets mad he wouldn't necessarily act on it unless and until it is truly something that makes him tick. and things that make him tick includes people talking/doing something wrong to you or anyone in the crew, in that case he's going god mode. that being said, he will get easily irritated if someone is just joking around in the crew (especially sanji). he's incredibly patient with you tho, so, don't even worry about it and just accept him dumb antics for what they are.

💗quizzes:

 how much would they remember about you? i see yall sleeping on my man and i hate it. yes, hes kind of an idiot and not the best with memory but if it's anything about you or your relationship?? best believe he knows everything like the back of his hand. but he only claims that kind of power when it comes to you cause he will not really bother to remember other stuff if its not important. do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? even though he wouldn't outright keep saying he remembers, he will often mention it in passing. like if you bring up someone while recounting a story to him, he will probably remember the last time you mentioned that guy. that being said, his memory is still kinda ass. so, he sometimes mixes things up if they aren't that relevant to the plot. so forgive him okay? hes trying

💗remember:

 what is their favorite moment in your relationship? i def feel like zoro prefers the mundane moments with you over any extravagant things. living on sea is insane, it's one thing after the other so knowing he has you to himself even for a few hours and in those hours, he gets to do nothing but love you truly means a lot to him. he isn't a cook by any means but this one time, when the rest of the crew had gotten off at a new island to restock and had only left you and him to keep guard, you had suggested you wanted to bake a cake. "i don't know how to cook" he mumbled softly, trying to convince you otherwise, "i can only do some cutting, slashing yk" "you dont even have to do anything!! just sit there and look pretty, i can do the baking." he eventually caved in. but now the memory of you making batter while he sat on the counter, talking to you is etched onto his every nerve. there had been a little bit of flour on your eyebrow and he used his thumb to clean it away before pulling you towards him and kissing you hard. you looked up at him, "i love you" "i love you too"

💗security:

how protective are they? i feel like zoro isn't as territorially protective as one would assume. like i said in the best friend section, he is more a laid-back "i know how to kill and get rid of the body, do whatever you want" kind of a vibe. that doesn't mean that he isn't gonna be on the verge of pulling out his swords the second someone even utters a word against you (but usually his dirty looks get the job done before he even pulls out the swords) how would they protect you? slash slash, stab stab and cocky remarks at the opponent (sometimes pure, unfiltered rage) how would they like to be protected? he's the roronoa zoro, he doesn't need physical protection. that being said, he wouldn't admit it out loud but just because he doesn't need you to pull out a gun to save him doesn't mean it doesn't give him pesky, little butterflies in his stomach whenever you defend him with your words. even if its something as small as calling out someone else's jokes that were targeted at him (and were just straight up offensive). or getting into actual verbal altercations (it happened once when you were drunk)

💗try: 

how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? not a lot, tbh. look hes tired, you're tired, just cuddle and sleep okay? that being said he does put decent amount of efforts to surprise you every once in a while. he doesn't put on an extravagant show, so, mostly his surprises are just kinda lowkey and sweet. so on your anniversary, maybe he'd finally get the stick out of his ass and accept nami's idea of booking you a table somewhere expensive. but the memorable part isn't that, the memorable part is him asking (almost) shyly if you just wanna walk around town after dinner while he holds your hand and you bitch about your crew (in a loving manner).

💗ugly:

what would be some bad habits of theirs? omg obviously the drinking!!! i know he has high tolerance and shit but bro your liver's practically CRYING RN. please introduce yourself to some healthier coping mechanisms other than drinking and going stabby-stab. i also do think he's egoistic (it lessens with time) but its still a pain in the start

💗vanity:

 how concerned are they with their looks? this man does not give two fucks about his looks, like legit couldn't care less. he does know he looks decent tho (i mean casting mackenyu was a choice, i see you oda sensei). but ever since dating you, he has been putting in little efforts. i think partially cause you bully him into having a skincare routine and showering daily and partially cause he just wants to be a pretty boyfriend to his favourite girl.

💗whole: 

would they feel incomplete without you? yes and no. this is conflicting cause on one hand, ofcourse your absence will be equivalent to having daggers through his heart. but also, he seems like the guy who hyper-focuses on themselves after a breakup. i don't think he'd feel "incomplete" without you if you both ever broke up cause however dumb he is, he knows sometimes things don't work out and that's that. besides, even if you have to go, he still have people (the crew) to love and care for. but he would feel that glaring absence and it'll take a way heavier toll than anyone anticipated (cue him blasting heavy metal in his room and face-timing perona drunk and (almost) crying. perona suggested she takes care of you which made him actually cry cause perona dont be fucking mean)

💗xtra (a random headcanon for them):

zoro is so good at doing eye makeup specifically. i mean like because of all the sword-training and all, he has really good hand-eye coordination and very precise movements. so, like if you asked him to do your liner and give him specific-ish directions for how you want him to do it, he will 100% ace it. he doesn't really do well in other departments but he can learn (if you can make him learn thru that attitude of his) also, i theorize that he's ticklish but in the randomest fucking places. one time you lovingly ran your hand through his hair, bringing it playfully down to his nape and he fuckING GIGGLED?? another time you offered him a leg-massage cause he seemed to have pulled a muscle and you were working on his calf, trying to help him out and he yelped cause it tickled???? hello what do we do with this info now?

💗yuck:

what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? he wouldn't like judgmental people or people who are very uptight (cause although his jokes could be hit/miss, he doesn't wanna hear a fucking lecture). also dont be disrespectful to him/his friends. and also, i think he would have a thing against people who are too nosy (pre-dating mostly), like if he wanted to tell you something he would other than those basic things, he's chill.

💗zzz:

he's asleep before you can say "good night" because he's a simple man who needs to sleep 10 hours a day (minimum) see he isn't going off ruining lives, he's not fucking things up for someone else, he's just taking a nap. its like the least horrible thing he can do, let him nap. i do think he should get checked for some vitamin deficiency tho caue uh, just in case. that being said, you go to sleep now. i would too. goodnight!

a/n: loved making this so much that i might make one for literally every character ever once i get the time lol

[skz-haneul]

𖥟 ᭅᬻ LEARN THE ALPHABET WITH HANEUL

A is for : *talking to stay on bubble* and i can’t believe i forgot i live with 3 smelly ratty gym bros, oh yeah and hyune (context because she can say the most wildest things sometimes: she came home to rest and saw the mess 3racha made with their shoes)

B is for : *pointing at bang chan* beep beep beep person who needs sleep detected beep beep tackle him with pillows (real)

C is for : *comparing butts with han* can’t relate, my bum is the size of jupiter (she got rich problems)

D is for : *on live cooking with lee know* did you just say 127, puku puku pow po- … i couldn’t help myself im sorry (same tbf)

E is for : *trying to convince felix to play games together after sneaking into the cuties dorm at 12* esteemed companion shall we partake in a rendezvous of ludic engagement within the realm of digital entertainment (why is she fancy all of a sudden)

F is for : *dancing to whip nae nae* forget break your legs, i just broke my back (sometimes she acts like she fought in ww1)

G is for : *telling a joke* guys, what did the chicken say when it saw something amazing, daebak-bak-bak (i laughed more at the silence than the joke)

H is for : *playing games with seungmin* hey there buster, no more mr nice guy (and now she’s an american bully???)

I is for : * listening to asap by stayc with her headphones on but everyone else can hear it* i will ‘asap 내 반쪽 아니 완전 copy’ till the day i die (i think she likes asap)

J is for : *caught by talker insulting changbin after he died in a 2 player obby on roblox* just kidding. i would never call anyone a worthless flop of a human, im too hot for that (dayum girl (you are hot tho))

K is for : *greeting staff as she walks in the room* konichiwa my despacito burrito (miss worldwide fr)

L is for : *during an interview talking about her biggest pet peeves* losing should have never been invented because i do not take it very well (i sadly relate to this a lil too much)

M is for : *in an interview* my whole life has felt like a fever dream tbh (icl I burst out laughing)

N is for : *after getting a really packed schedule* news flash: im bombing the jyp building (not without me)

O is for : *game of hide and seek* opps at the end of my block (yungneulta back at it again)

P is for : *during a game of dodgeball* please stop throwing the balls at my beautiful face (the way felix tried to aim harder)

Q is for : *out with hyunjin* questionable face you got on there but ok (context again: she went to the bathroom in a restaurant and then half her burger was gone)

R is for : *english school with skz* right, 77+33=100, stay with me now, because the government- (i don’t think they’re passing)

S is for : *trying on corsets* snyatched qween *throwing poses faster than lightning* (nothing but facts)

T is for : *seungmin launching a pillow at her head* that is not very slay queen, period bestie of you seungmin (what is up with her dictionary)

U is for : *boiling eggs…* umm, minho, yknow when you told me to boil eggs, i may have burnt the water… again (the only thing i have to say is how?)

V is for : *a seagull stole her chips she was eating* vile, disgusting, yucky seagulls are the disgrace of all birds that can fly, them absolute fatties (she was buggin for the rest of that skz-codeq)

W is for : *randomly, out of the blue*why is life not getting funky anymore? (my exact question)

X is for : *on live* x-(7+95)=y“ please, abeg, go find changbin (she loves maths)

Y is for : *english school with skz pt.2* yes so the climax of the quintessential elements of the rainbow create the lyrical description of the factitous colours (like i said before, they’re all failing)

Z is for : *on skz-talker* zero amount of people called me sexy today… im sooo frickin pissed (not the white chicks reference)

𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ TAGLIST

@mynameisnotlaura ⤼ @alixnsuperstxr ⤼ @shaylaxo ⤼ @ziipzeepzop-eez

𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ NOTES

went to sleep at 4am

𓍼 ⊹ ˚. ᝢ GOD LOVES YOU 💕

[firefly--bright]

carry me out.

jean kirstein x reader , modern a.u.

summary ; you've let your predetermined, statistical thoughts on being loved carry you out for a long time. maybe you realise that jean should be an exception.

warnings ; HUGE trigger warning for suicidal thoughts, especially in the beginning. overall very angsty, but slight comfort at the end. no pre-existing relationship, only the indications of one. underage (?) alcohol consumption (please be safe n responsible with alcohol!)

a/n ; finally wrote a fic after like a month lmao im so sorry. a) for being gone so long and not updating my other fics but also b) returning with another heavy one. no promises if this is me coming out of my haitus, though, i still have end-sem submissions to worry about. everything has been hell but hey atleast im alive! anyways, as always, enjoy! also if you ever need anyone to talk to, im always here. please know that. youre not alone!

taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kiernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes (please feel free to skip this story, even if you are tagged, if it's too heavy for you!!)

huge thank you to @raazberry my absolute favouritest person for beta reading this :3

masterlist is in pinned post ✿ enter my taglist! ✿

You weren’t going to live past the next three years.

You knew this – it was written in your teary-eyed thirteen year old self’s note to a much older you, “if youre still the same after everything and you still feel like this all the time, then why keep trying? If youre not happy in somewhere outside of your head, then why keep living? Do you really want to live past 24?”

The letter may have been written against your better judgement, and you could still feel the cold of your marbled bathroom tiles and the too-bright florescent light above your head as you tried to stop your hand from shaking, but you lived by it. In all reality, your hopes were dwindling, and this misshapen version of you that sat infront of the mirror looked more like a smudged charcoal drawing instead of your face. You didn’t know how or why it was the way it was, but you had to live with this, live with the burnt and shaky outline of yourself thanks to the years you spent with your light still ablaze.

you sigh. Its all you know how to do.

The door knocks and you shift from your mirror to the source. Your heart skips a beat and everything lulls into a low hum.

“hey,” he says, with your name on his tongue as if he’s kept it there for years. “we were thinking about going out now that midterms are over. You wanna join?” he asks, his thumb pointing to the invisible invitation outside of your room.

You blink, humming the semblance of what you’d call love in your mind. “maybe. What’s  in it for me?” you ask. A smile graces your face and it doesn’t feel that foreign.

He pretends to think, humming out the same tune that played in your head every waking moment, his voice a low and calm tide. “free food?”

You breathe out a laugh. This bit doesn’t feel like a play, it doesn’t feel like a script with big block letters and directions and your name written in all caps. It feels normal. It feels foreign.

“don’t tell sasha, though.” He says, pointing a finger at you with a loose fist.

“I make no promises.” You really don’t.

“well, then, you should."

Maybe you would.

 Connie’s laughter would usually be described as an annoying 11 year old’s, but today, it offered you comfort like ice against a bruise, and marco would usually be described as a worried father, but his warmth was appreciated when he held the door open for all of you to walk in. sasha was already inside, chatting with her boyfriend who couldn’t be more happy to look at her with his chin resting on his palm and a soft smile on his face. Sasha’s animated voice could usually be described as the babbling of a child, but today it offered to be the noise that you craved. She was dressed well, with a bow tied gently into her hair and you wondered how you got this lucky to be half-present in the light of these fools.

Jean was always next to you, always to your left, always silently giving you his secretly undivided attention. Even as connie got another round of drinks for the table, even when sasha ate all the fries that were supposed to be shared, even when marco, ever the extrovert, went to mingle with friends from his other classes, even as niccolo held sasha’s hair back when she entered an unsaid drinking competition with Mikasa and her unshaken record, he was there. To your left, looking at his right with a warmth and gentleness that would’ve shaken you had you noticed it.

There was chatter. There was always noise, something to occupy your mind, as you played with the condensation on your glass, silently waiting for connie to shout out another drink that he presumed youd enjoy. To his credit, you did enjoy them, but maybe downing them in one go wasn’t the best idea if you truly wanted to savour them, and if the attention you were getting from your left wasn’t so alert, you’d have left this bar a long time ago.

And this didn’t mean any harm to your friends. Of course not, they couldn’t help but be the sun. they couldn’t help being this all consuming light that couldn’t stop itself from touching and spilling onto any surface it could find. Truly, you loved them for it like how you loved the sun – from a distance, looking at it through squinted eyes because you were afraid of it’s beauty. No, it wouldn’t be their fault that you were too much of a coward to feel what they offered to everyone without the hesitation you had.

“this is the part where you tell me what’s on your mind.” Jean says from beside you, memorizing a script you weren't aware of. theres a chord in your mind that rings out as he does, beginning an unfinished song that would continue on for as long as you lived.

You hum. It gets lost with the increasing sound of the song in your head and around you. shaking your head, you say something that’s unconvincing to your already deaf ears. “nothing,”

His palms slide over your wrist, covering up the embarrassment your pulse brings to yourself with a softness that doesn’t fail to shake you this time, noticing the way he looks around the place youre in – a bar? Youre not sure. You haven’t been sure where you ever were – and stops as he finds one. He gives you a once-over and leads you to the haven he’s scanned around for. he refuses to remove his hand from your wrist and some small or large or whatever-is-remaining part of you wants him to keep it there until your body evolves to accommodate his skin on yours.

You wonder how he feels. For the first time in a while, you wonder what it feels like to live outside of your head, outside of your own whatever-is-remaining body, outside of the stripped bare bones with pieces of meat stuck on it after charred teeth having gorged upon it night and day for twenty years. Does he see you that way? Could he stand to see the state you had yourself in, an unholy and unceremonious shrine to yourself, with nothing but the most minutest proof of your existence instead of everything you’d always wanted to become? Or does he see you as something that remains standing despite it? Would he see you as just that- the proof of the proof?

“there we go. No more noise.” He says decidedly and you’d agree a thousand times over. The chord he plays still reverbs through the empty nest of your chest and you agree – its as present as the noise of silence.

You hum again. You have no words to say. He doesn’t let go of your wrist and you pretend not to notice, just as he does. His fingers are calloused and weathered under unsaid conditions but you hope its because of love. It’s a large word to say, to think and to feel but you’ve long since forgone the formalities of having to speak. In your head, all words mean the same and nothing at the same time.

“saw a cat today.” He says. In your head, you agree.

This means something. Each word he says has its own representation, its own grip and handle on you instead of it all being everything.

You lean against something solid. Only then do you realise youre at a rooftop – climbing the stairs wasn’t registered when you spent your time staring at your beloved’s back, observing how his shirt moved over his skin with every consequential step, every meaningful breath. You became even more blind to the bodies of people that were a thousand times more present than you.

Only then do you realise the brightness of the city lights under you. the building you were on didn’t look all that tall, but it seemed taller than the rest. There were people there, being alive, breathing their own air and their own sound as yours made none. You let jean’s breathing be enough for the two of you until you’d find the dormant strength in yourself to find your own.

“brown and ginger fur. It was this tiny-“ he says. You throw him a glance because youre afraid looking at him for more than that would leave you with no choice but to keep burning, and his hands cup an invisible ball-like shape. You smile, looking back at the distant windows that carry their hopes into the night sky. “If I see it again, im gonna name it cookie.” He says.

Your smile grows gentler under the curtain of your fingers that are curled up against your lips, your chin on your palm. You wonder then, again, how he sees you. do you seem uninterested? You don’t mean to be, and he should know, but you don’t have the courage or the guts to let him know otherwise. Your words will get jumbled by the time you decide to regurgitate it, they’ll spill out of you in a blurring mess. You’ll end up having to say your name thrice to believe youre still here, if at all.

He's silent. His shoulder brushes against yours and you feel this like a script of a play – written in big block letters with his name signed over it, written in the brackets because its something that needs notice.

HES BRUSHING YOUR SHOULDERS LIKE HE ALWAYS IS, and youre an idiot because you think it makes you yourself. In a bracket, its specified with your name on top in big block letters – HE SEES YOU.

When you turn your head to that god-awful, all consuming left side again, he does. He sees you and you decide that now is a good time to return back to the whatever-is-remaining body again. Your bones shake with the song that keeps playing when he’s around and maybe the hopefulness of the open window lights of the city before and after you carries your hopefulness with it.

Maybe the light that his eyes reflect can carry out your silent grief with him. Maybe the burden you hold over yourself for so long – the one that you’ve gnawed and scratched and kneeled and digested over – maybe this all consuming shake in your body could use some pre-written and pre-determined accompaniment.

He doesn’t say anything. Whatever his script is, he doesn’t follow it. Maybe its his silence that speaks more about you than you could fathom for yourself. He carries out your grief and takes it for what it is – the proof of all of your love. He carries it out in his eyes, in his hand that is calloused because of words he hesitates to speak and carries in his fist, hidden behind his back. Only now, hes thankful for this silence. You understand it better than anyone, he thinks.

The big block letters in all caps overweigh the desperate letter you wrote to yourself when you were thirteen. He shift beside you, HIS ARM IS AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS AND HE’S HUGGING YOU NOW and youre  a little hopeful now. Youre a little hopeful that your longing has a partner. That your teeth can still be capable of letting go. That your tongue is capable of saying “thank you,” muttered against the warmth of his chest and his too-weak left side that carries his heart flutters against itself and he’s glad for how weak his left side is. He’s glad he feels your words ten times over because of it.

Whatever this script is, whatever dialogues are written and edited and predetermined are either being fulfilled or being gone against. You don’t care. You have the time to read it later. You have the choice to never read it ever again.

He holds you. your words don’t muffle because he hears you.

He hears you, and this is not a compulsion. Its not written in the script, no, loving you has always meant breaking the rules, loving you has always meant going against the forces of the nature that shaped you. jean didn’t seem to care much for rules, anyway.

[reidmania]

YOU KNEW when mating with neteyam would mean that he would be busy, a lot. you knew that he would be gone for days at a time, and return home late, and leave early.

you knew the chance for you two to get a minute alone would be difficult, almost impossible. it had been over a month since the two of you had last had an hour together.

you tried to ignore it, the feeling that burnt into your stomach as it seemed everyone had been more important, despite already knowing this was how it was going to be.

you were in your pod, neteyam — surprisingly hadn’t left yet, he was in the corner, finishing some work — before having to leave for work, while you were changing for the day.

as you bend down, you’re suddenly overtaken with dizziness, stumbling back. until ur against the wall, regaining your balance. you open your eyes to look at neteyam, his eyes never teared from his work, it made you frown, but shake it off.

you tried to ignore the headache, the feeling over your body— it was like it was on fire. “tey” you mutter, that gets his attention, he had missed you and was trying to finish this as soon as possible so he could spend time with you before you both had to leave.

“ma y/n” he said, smiling softly. you give him a half hearted smile back, before reaching down to grab a bag you had weaved, “i am leaving.” you say, wanting to go to the hut as soon as possible, it had gotten to the point, being around neteyam when his focused seemed to be on anything else, had caused an ache in your heart.

his smile dropped, furrowing his eyebrows. “it is still early” he said, he was almost done, cursing himself for not working faster. you just nod, placing a jar of herbs in your bag. “i have no reason to stay, may as well start early” you mutter, not meaning for it to come across as harsh as it did.

“actually i was hoping- don’t worry, its okay, have a good day yawne” he said, standing up, figuring if you wanted to stay you would. he walked towards you, hoping to maybe get a quick kiss before you left, but you slipped past him.

“bye tey, see you later” you said, his heart twisted, was this what it had been like for you.

the real reason you had left early was because you wanted mo’at to check you, walking into the healing pod you were overfilled with the sense of nausea.

“my child, it is early.” mo’at said, eying you carefully, “you are sick?” she asked, you just shrugged, stumbling over to a seat, you felt as if, if you didn’t sit, you were going to pass out.

“tell me what you are feeling” mo’at said, as she poked your arms with something. you hummed, thinking carefully before answering. “not hungry, the smell of food makes me feel sick, i have been getting horrible headaches, and i feel dizzy a lot.” you say, softly.

“are you eating?” she said, you shook your head, “i can’t, everything i eat i vomit up”

she ran a few more ‘test’ like things, but in the end she was slightly confused herself. “i am not to sure, but it should only last a week at most, but it is dangerous, you are overworked, you must take the rest of the week off, and im afraid, neteyam will as well” she says, leaving you confused.

“neteyam? why” you ask, tilting your head.

“you’re weak. you cannot leave resting. i am worried that if you do to much it will get worse. neteyam must take care of you, if he cannot, which he can, but if worst comes to worst, you stay with me, i care for you” she said, despite knowing neteyam would take a million days off for you.

“okay” you nod, “now go home and get rest, do you need assistance getting back?” she asked, you just shake your head, just silently hoping neteyam had left.

much to your dismay, as you pull the opening back you find neteyam sitting, but also jake and neytiri sitting at the table as well. they look up as you enter.

“oh! y/n, neteyam said you had left early for work.” jake said, you felt sick all over again, “uh yeah, i just forgot some stuff.” you lie, i mean there was things you could grab, but you hadn’t actually forgotten anything.

but there was no way you could ask neteyam to take a few days off to look after you with his parents here. “its good to see you sweetie, it has been a while” neytiri says, walking up to you to brush your hair behind your shoulders, you smile.

as she examines you, she furrows her eyebrows, “are you sick, child?” she asked, neteyam’s ears perk, looking over. “not at all, i feel great!” you smile, “just very busy, a little stressful” you laugh softly, moving away to collect a few jars.

neteyam’s mind seems to ease at your words, going back to the work with his father. “does y/n know?” jake asks, neteyam furrows his eyebrows before his eyes widen.

“know what?” you ask, turning to the two men. “i was going to tell you tonight! we are arranging a trip, a hunting trip,- my dad want’s me to lead it” you knew this was a big opportunity for him, you smile. “that’s great tey!! im so happy for you” you say softly.

“we are planning on leaving tomorrow” jake says, ur smile drops a little, before returning, but neytiri catches on. “that is great, very soon”

neteyam can’t help but frown at how excited you are, he was too- he was over the moon. but he wanted to spend time with you, “how long will it be?” you were thinking a one night, one day thing.

“a week!” jake said, patting his son’s shoulders with pride, neteyam smiles up at him, “oh” you mutter, furrowing your eyebrows, before just smiling, “that is great.” you say, feeling a little betrayed that neteyam hadn’t talked to you about this, yes he was out during the days but he returned to you everynight, that wasn’t even the problem.

its the fact it was tomorrow, for a week. and he was planning to tell you tonight when whatever you reaction was it didn’t really matter, it was already set.

“we must get to work,” jake said, patting neteyam’s arms once more, neytiri sighed, as the two boys got up, jake walked over to place a soft kiss on neytiri’s lips, before walking out.

neteyam looked between you and his mother, no matter how long it had been, it was still so weird to do anything like that in front of his mom, she knew it as well.

she sighed, following jake outside to leave you and neteyam for a minute. you were fighting tears because of the pain in your head, but either way you just smiled at him.

“im sorry, it all happened really fast” neteyam said, grabbing onto your hand, you just shake your head. “its fine, tey. i get it. i am really happy for you, this is amazing”

“will you be okay? i told dad that when we get back, i want to spend more time with you. its just a week, then i promise-”

“tey it is fine, have fun, you deserve this”

neteyam left the next morning, you were awake, sitting up in bed, in the early morning, “i made you breakfast when you are ready” neteyam said, you were confused as to why he had been so affectionate the last day or two, after being so busy for a month straight, was it because he was leaving for a week.

“thank you tey” you mutter, pulling the weaved blankets higher onto you, neteyam didn’t get home until very late last night, you weren’t awake when he got home. he looked outside, to see the time.

“i have to go, yawne. you sure you’re going to be alright?” he asked, you just laugh. “when have i ever not been okay on my own” you say, laughing softly, he smiled.

“love you” he said, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your lips, he pulled away quickly. “you are hot darling”

“thank you i try” you tease playfully, despite the nausea coming back to you as the scent of neteyam’s cooking fill your senses, it was nothing against his cooking, he made great food, it was just food in general.

he smiled at your comment before shaking his head. “im going, ma’ y/n” he said and just like that he was gone.

three days had passed since neteyam left, you had seemed to only have been getting worse, your body was on fire, the headaches the came were so bad to the point you were crying, covering your eyes because the tinest bit of light irritated you.

everytime you stood up you felt unbalanced, you tried to eat the breakfast neteyam made you on the day he left, but it ended with you vomiting it up. you constantly felt dizzy and weak. unable to do anything.

you tried to sick to your normal daily routine with the minus of work, you hadn’t mentioned to neteyam you were sick, or anything about what mo’at had said, and you had mentioned to mo’at that neteyam was unable to care for you.

well he was able, you just didn’t ask. you hated asking for help, thats why you stayed in your hut.

but you were getting worse and worse.

it lasted another two days, the day neteyam returned had to have been the worse out of them all. as soon as you stood up, you were down, passed out.

neytiri had been helping in the healers tent due to mo’ats request. “it has been so busy without y/n” she said, which had confused neytiri.

“y/n hasn’t been working?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“you do not know? y/n is sick, horribly sick. i do not know what is the matter, but i worry. neteyam is looking after her” mo’at said, neytiri’s eyes widened.

“neteyam is on a hunting trip, he has been all week” she said, mo’at turned. “please check the girl” she asked, neytiri nodded, it was so in your nature to not ask for help, she saw the way your face dropped , how hot you felt.

she rushed to your shared hut with neteyam, she noticed the hunting party return, neteyam was laughing along with his dad, any other day she would’ve taken the time to appreciate the moment, but she rushed into your home.

she gasped as she saw you, passed out on the ground, she also noticed the face your shoulders was bleeding, she looked at the bed frame neteyam had build, your blood stained on it, she figured you hit that on your way down.

despite that she leant down, picking your body up, she rushed to carry you back to mo’at, unfortunately, neytiri had caught jakes attention.

then she caught neteyam’s, and within a minute, both boys were at her side, neteyam’s eyes wide as he took your body from her, asking what had happened, jake was just as confused.

“she has been sick neteyam! apparently she was supposed to ask you to take the week off to look after her-mo’ats request but she never did!” neytiri said, as they rushed to mo’ats pod.

“stupid child” were mo’ats words as she saw your body, you were pale, bleeding, you looked sick.

neteyam was worried sick, how hadn’t he noticed, why didn’t you tell him? did you think he would say no? had he made you feel like that?

“what is the matter with her? is she okay?” he asked, placing you down softly. mo’at scowled at him, “you did not notice your mate ill!!” she slapped his hand away from you, despite knowing he was busy and you hadn’t told him.

“i know- i know, i am sorry. i am here now/ what is the matter?” he asked, full of guilt and responsibility, wanting nothing more than to care for you like he shouldve from the beginning.

“i think she has a cold, but she has been overworking herself, that is the reason for her passing out. she needs to be cared for.” she said? coming up with a summary,

hill

“take her home, you are both to have time off until she is completely healed and healthy and has been approved by me, do you understand me?” mo’at said sternly, eyes falling over the three sullies in the room, eyes stern on jake, telling him there eas nothing he could argue, neteyam would be staying home.

“take her home, wait for her to wake” she said, before passing him a jar, “put this on her chest if she isn’t awake within half an hour” his grandmother scolded, still in shock that he hadn’t noticed his mate was sick.

neteyam did as he was told, carrying you bridal style back to your hut, placing you on the bed, he took time to admire you. you were thin, sickly thin, your eyes were covered by dark circles, your skin was burning hot.

thankfully, before the half an hour was up, you had awoken, although in that time it took for you to awake, neteyam was in his own head, pacing the hut.

how had he missed that? how did he miss that his mate was ill, so ill to the point you had passed out.

why didn’t you tell him — he wondered. had he been so distant and busy that you no longer felt comfortable coming to him? were you worried he would not take time off to care for you, it made him feel sick to his stomach.

although you being sick wasn’t his fault — the fact it had gotten so bad, was.

when you woke, neteyam was preparing a cup of water. you however, did not remember passing out, in your mind, you assumed you had taken a nap, hence why you were in bed. although there was a stinging pain in your shoulder, one you did not remember having, was this another part of the sickness.

you hadn’t even noticed your mate in the hut when you woke up, you shuffled in the bed, getting ready to stand up, however when you did you were overwhelmed with a wooziness.

“ma y/n” neteyam cursed as he turned around, placing the cup down on the table, he rushed over to you, helping to balance you out. “you mustn’t leave bed” he scolded.

you furrowed your eyebrows, when did he get back?

and why was he worrying so much, last time you checked he had no idea you were sick.

you discard his scold, despite staying in bed, maybe he was just tired snd wanted to cuddle. however you felt a tingle in your stomach, not a good one either.

you ignore it, you were good at that. “how was the trip tey” you ask as he settled next to you on the bed, you had missed his company, even if sometimes it felt like it didn’t exist.

he scowled at your, why were you acting like nothing was wrong. “it was fine, y/n” he said sternly, you frowned, why was he upset.

“what is wrong?” you ask, the look his was giving you made your chest ache, did you do something? was he upset you didn’t greet him when he returned — that must be it

“im sorry i didn’t greet you, i must’ve fallen asleep, i am so sorry tey, id love to hear all about your trip” you say, despite everything in you telling you to shut up, talking was so much effort.

he frowned even more, “i am not upset about that y/n” you frowned now, the pair of you a mix of frowning messes.

“what did i go then, nete” he wanted to cry at how pained your voice sounded, your face was pale and your eyes drained from colour, not holding the usual lint of happiness like normal.

“you didn’t tell me” he said, his voice hardly above a whisper, you tilted your head in confusion. “what? what didn’t i tell you?” you ask, mind fuzzy.

he sighed, shaking his head. his hands found yours softly, pulling you closer to him, despite the way your skin was burning his, he didn’t care.

“that you were sick y/n, you didn’t tell me” he said, you furrow your eyebrows before your eyes widen, before returning to their normal size, you felt like you could sleep for a whole week, your head felt heavy, your stomach felt tight, everything hurt.

despite that, you shrug, “it isn’t bad nete, i am okay” you nod, voice convincing, but its really not. neteyam knows you better then that, but even he is second guessing that — why didn’t he fucking know, you shouldn’t of had to tell him, he is your mate he should just know.

“why do you lie” he asks, eyes squinted as his eyebrows furrow in a mix of annoyance and confusion. you squint at him, “i am okay neteyam.” you say.

he grows frustrated. “you are not okay, y/n. if you were okay i would not have returned to you being passed out in my mothers arms because you have been sick.” he said.

you tilt your head in confusion, you had passed out once a few days ago, was that what he had been talking about? did he have to come home early.

“oh nete— im sorry i didn’t mean to ruin your trip!!” you say, eyes filling with heavy guilt, he shook his head. “you didn’t. i came home today to my mother carrying you to grandmother, because you had passed out”

a simple oh leaves your mouth, as even more guilt seeps in, he seems to notice your expression. he grips your hands tighter. “you did not tell me you were sick” he said.

you went to talk but he cut you off “you also didn’t tell me you were bed rested” he said, you frown at his words, already knowing what was coming next.

“you didn’t tell me i was supposed to take days off to care for you”

you just chew your lip nervously, he shakes his head as he looks at you, while you look anywhere but at him.

“why didn’t you tell me” his voice cracks mid sentence, it makes your heart clench in your chest, its hard to remember the last week, all you can really remember is vomiting multiple times, and crying about the headache.

“you were excited about your trip, this is a big deal for you, i just didn’t wanna ruin it” your voice is small, you words are soft, as they leave your lips.

“you already do so much, i didn’t want to be the one to take something fun away from you.. or put more on you” you admit, his heart breaks.

it takes everything in him not to curse at himself, for making you feel as if you couldn’t tell him.

he failed, “fuck” he curses under his breath. “my girl” he says, looking at your face as you look down at your hands.

he has to remove his hand from yours, grabbing your chin to force you to look at him.

“angel, you are my number one priority, every fucking day. everything i do is for you. i know — i have obviously done a shitty job of showing that, but you should’ve told me, i could’ve helped you, now youre ten times worse” he says, tears fill your tired eyes.

“im sorry tey” you say as a hot tear rolls down your cheek. he immediately shakes his head.

“no, youre not allowed to be sorry, ma y/n. i shouldve known, i am your mate and i didn’t know you were ill, i left you here alone sick”

“i shouldve told you”

he nods, “you should’ve.”

you look down, his hand moves from your chin to your jaw. holding your face in his hand. “but i an here now, no matter what”

[theology101]

Im honestly so excited to see the political repercussions for the NCR. I honestly think losing Shady Sands might be a positive for them.

When we run into them in New Vegas they’re corrupt and trapped in a cold guerrilla war. Tandy’s reforms against monopolies have been removed, and military appointments are based off of political connections, not skill.

With Caesar right there, the NCR has to maintain a presence, but its passive. There is neither the political will or need to cross the Colorado river and actually fight with Caesar, allowing him to pick the terms of the war. His terrorist campaigns at Nipton is a perfect example of this - that town should be under the NCR but they could do NOTHING to atop it and its people being burnt. They also cant stop the Powder Gangers.

The NCR is demoralized, a repletion of the exact same pre-war system that lead to Nuclear Fire. Shady Sands is five years into its decline at this point and everyone knows it.

And then Caesar dies of a brain tumor, and the Legion collapses into infighting and civil war. The NCR can relax, try to deal with Mr House formally - then their capitol has its reactor overloaded and destroyed.

Imagine the confusion and chaos there would be if the majority of the executive, legislative and judicial government just got exploded

Who’s in charge, what happens next? Who did this? It would be a Mad house

Thankfully, Mr Bishop - illegitamet son of the Chosen One and Leslie Anne Bishop - is only 38 years old when the Second Battle of Hoover Dam and destruction of Shady Sands occurs. Why are we thankful?

Because he’s a maverick. He knows the wastes like the back of his hand, he’s different from the other Bishops and far more dangerous. MB took over the family when he was just 13, and since then he has lead the family to vast amounts of power. He used the pre-existing connection between the Bishops and the NCR his father founded, as well as their insane amount of capital leading to this ending in Fallout 2 and confirmed canon by Bruce Isaacs in New Vegas, “in the decades following the alliance, several bishops rose to political power”

Right now, since we know that MB wont die until he’s 73 and right now he’s 54, he’s out there. He’s probably the leading political authority in the NCR right now - the Bishops are the NCR’s favorite black ops group. Anything the NCR needs done quietly and off the books, the Bishops can handle. And now that the main government is gone, I think that power is going straight to MB. He’s the only one who can take back control of the NCR in this chaos.

I think the NCR was forced into a bad deal by House after Shady Sands was gone which is honestly pretty positive given his plans longterm. House needs the NCR successful, but he wants his own territory. MB will make the same deal his alleged father helped broker with Vault City giving it quasi independence.

This gives the Government time to recapture itself. They sent a party to continue their cold fusion project near the ruins, but by and large the NCR has left it alone - they surround the territory on all sides, its not like they’re in danger of losing it. On a map, it would still be NCR territory, ya feel? The capital is moved to the Hub, the primary economic powerhouse in Southern California, and the democracy gets going again

[imsogayyippee]

playlist anon back again here's the highlights

Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo

I Love You Like An Alcoholic - The Taxpayers

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!) - Will Wood (you ever see those videos of cosplays where one person is sitting on a chair and the other person is walking around them kinda pushing them around while this plays? Yeah that.)

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

Trees II - McCafferty (this is just vibe but I think it makes sense)

Choke - I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (my friend says this is THE timlex song)

505 - Arctic Monkeys ("I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck" / "or I did last time I checked")

Milk Carton - Mercy Necromancy

GAHHH sorry im gonna yap about butch 4 butch n more gay shit i hope youdont mind.

this song is SO FUCKING ENTRY 54 TO ME. AUGHGUHDUSHGS.

"My sweetheart's piano is rat filled/And mine is infested with bugs/The music we make is unnatural/But it sounds just like falling in love"

DO YOU GET ME. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.

"Tomorrow we'll dig through the garbage/And we'll fish out all kinds of neat trash/And when we go back to my apartment/She'll probably kick my fucking ass"

"I sing her songs in my garage/And make her fall in love with me/And once we're done/The sun is gone/We both just sit so nervously/I talk real slow/And speak real low/Hoping she'll lean into me/But we just laugh cause/What was that/We can't take ourselves seriously"

"She makes me go weak in the knees/But I can't let her see me swoon/Or else she will think I am sweet"

IM SICK IM SICK AOAIUAHGU THEY MAKE ME SO SICK.

--

anyways. i love you like an alcoholic

"Cast that first glance: your smile, my veins"

entry 84. it was love at first sight btw. yeah im right it's canon.

"Kissed that first night/And then the rain opened up the sky to get"

RAIN??? LIKE ENTRY 54? 😦😦😦😦

"I need you like I need a broken leg"

adding this cause it's funny

"Some handsome dark stranger/You were standing there on the corner/You had those compelling magnetized/Eyes you must have lost when you got older"

um. what role did alex immediately give tim when they met. yeah

"Seven blocks in, my fingers brushed your hand/I blushed and you laughed/But you seemed a little sad/I ain't one to jump a ship/But I absolutely knew/I was six steps in when I fell into you"

I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!! /nsrs

--

anyways i listened to laplace's angel (i didn't remember which song it was even if i had heard it bfore. btw no i havent seen those videos sorry 😭😭) and um. kills them with my mind

"Could you take a look at me?/Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?/And now we're singing, ooh, whatever you think of me/If you were in my shoes, you'd walk the same damn miles I do"

PARALELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"It doesn't take a killer to murder/It only takes a reason to kill"

AUGHGHSH THEY MAKE ME SICK. ALEX FUCKING KRALIE.

"The only ones in need of love are those who don't receive enough/So evil ones should get a little more"

I THINK I HAUVE COVID.

"If you were in my shoes, you’d see I wear the same size as you"

FALLS HITS MY HEAD AND DIES.

--

sorry i would talk about baby hotline but the kind of lyrics it has are kinda hard to "analyze" like im doing with other songs 😭

--

"Cute guy, nice face/Wrong time, wrong place/I knew in a matter of a minute/His face was smashed/His skin was burnt/His shirt was torn in the dirt"

oh. ok then,dies

"I need you more than you need me/You're beautiful and smart and kind/While I am ugly, full of lies" "And I can't be with you anymore/I can't live like this anymore/I can't hold your heart anymore/I need you to go on without me"

.🙁🙁

--

read the lyrics of choke um. yeah i see it. all i have to say is toxic old men yaoi except theyre not old

--

"I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck/Or I did last time I checked" "But I crumble completely when you cry/It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye"

.🙁

--

"When you put a knife to my neck/My stomach doesn't fill with dread/It's fill with butterflies instead/And when you threaten to do things to me/I don't scream"

ANON WHEN I GET YOU. /VPOS

anyways. that's it i hope yuo liked me talkig about gay peopel like and subscribe for more!!!!!!

[a-non-ymouswriter]

Alright, let's talk Rewind (or my MCYT fics)

i think it's time to finally talk about rewind/remix.

or generally, just my mcyt fics in general.

it's been a while since i updated any of them and trust me, i am very much FILLED WITH GUILT over not updating or continuing them- problem is; i just don't have any motivation in them at the moment. my interest and motivation for them have waned, wilted and withered. the three unfortunate ws that arent wins.

i dont want to say i abandoned them, i hate the thought of abandoning ANY STORY and i like the thought of getting back to them at some point. maybe my motivation will come back, it has in the past and that's a great hope to have.

however i am aware that these stories have been gathering dust and it's possible that motivation will never come back and i hate that.

i know partially why i'm no longer interested? partially- it mainly started with techno's death. it just didn't feel the same anymore now that cc!techno was gone, but if things went differently then maybe i could've continued just as normal. but i'm pretty sure my motivation took a great hit when techno died.

another great hit to my motivation is the whole... thing with cc!dream??? WHICH I WILL NEVER EVEN POKE ABOUT, YOU CANNOT MAKE ME, I WILL IGNORE EVERY ATTEMPT. it felt weird writing about c!dream even though i should REALLY be able to separate the two, cc!s are different from fictional c!s and all that but for some reason i just don't feel too comfy writing him right now.

and since my main series of rewind and remix is MAINLY RELATED TO DREAM- you can see my problem here.

the dream smp is done, over, there is no season 2 and my interest in this fandom is only tethered by the occasional fanfic that i stumble upon and the numerous fanarts that come and go. that interest isn't enough to motivate my writing.

a funny thought though, is that i think i spent a LOT of motivation and kind of burnt myself out in the future back when i was DAILY UPDATING REWIND- like i don't know if you readers remember but i was updating DAILY on rewind. every day, FOR ALMOST A MONTH- something that might never happen again really and i'm still kind of proud of that.

but i'm pretty sure it was very unhealthy of me to do daily updates the way i did- it took A POWER OUTAGE to make me stop doing daily updates and i remember STRESSING OVER NOT UPDATING while the power was out. so yeah, i'm pretty sure i set myself up for failure there XD

but i'm so glad that i was able to at least finish rewind. my very first story that i completed. unfortunately i'm not too confident about finishing the rest of the series (and some other fics).

a friend of mine actually suggested something that i've been thinking about from time to time; i give you guys the outline of what COULD have happened. what i was planning on writing and then completing my works.

it sounds like a good idea but i didn't want to let you guys down in just, giving up like that. but nowadays, it sounds like a better and better alternative than to just wait for my motivation and interest to come back. it's almost been a year already for wishes and family, and remix, i managed to update stream labs a few months ago so that's hopeful but the others...

okay, i'm going to give YOU GUYS the choice here. i'll tell the ao3 readers about it as an important update author's note, but im going to make a poll about this choice soon and i'll even pin it on my tumblr.

it'll last- maybe two weeks? but yeah, it's the least i can do to see what you guys want.

EDIT: polls apparently only last a week, so it'll be up a week.

[askfallenroyalty]

Here's some more deleted scene panels that never made it in

sorry there's no captions, there's just too many panels to describe and i'm tired. hopefully i'll have the energy/rememebr to do so tomorrow ):

IM REALLY SAD THIS ONE DIDN'T GET IN. I even drew asriel shutting flowey in a box for this joke to work. There was going to be a visual gag of it being a "soap" box. Haha.

Asgore was originally going to tell Asriel to think of something nice to get his mind off of his panic attack.

Which, while funny, took away the feeling of intense panic the audience and asriel should have been feeling at the time. It just didn't fit the pacing/mood. It also showed that -well, i don't know if this is a legitimate grounding technique or if it'd be read as "its ok just think happy thoughts <3 then ur panic attack would end" which... is not.... how that works. Even if it was only to give Asriel a moment of respite, it's shown as effective until Asgore brings up a bad memory. So. bad comic sequence.

more stuff under the cut

I had a really, really hard time balancing the tone of the scene that is currently happening in the redraw. it's why i'm so behind in my drawings, so i'm only now sketching the next couple month's updates.

This chapter has gone through SO MANY changes. I feel that comes with it being the first chapter to completely diverge from the original tumblr version.

Asriel was originally going to have a very on-the-nose nightmare about Flowey feeling excluded from the family and fearing drowning. Now, the whole darkness/water metaphor for suicidal depression will be introduced when that stuff starts to come into play in chapter 4...

i mean, just to really hammer home how much i had to delete for this: i actually did sketch out the original tumblr version here. I had it all ready before chapter 2 began posting. But as I was finishing the color for the warship section I realized, shoot, I don't wanna repeat it.

When I first made the tumblr version, i was getting burnt out and the characters just became so much... meaner? rude? to each other. some bickering or annoyance is fine but I have a bad habit of going overboard. That's something I hope to correct in the rewrite -and focus more on less drama and more wholesome/loving moments.

(note the above scene is shown not in full. its jumping around a bit)

Even tho I was mostly keeping chapter the same the first time I sketched it for the redraw, I added this scene. The idea was that when the house was on fire, Frisk would of ran off to the right of the house to where you can see Old Home.

There, even tho Frisk can't verbally talk, the two have a nice heart-to-heart. Chara remember Frisk has [spoilers] issues. Chara was going to own up to their bad behavior.

Now well, hm. Chara's got a lot of shit going on. Frisk of course has forgiven them (like they do for everyone in the underground -_- oh frisk...) and it's going to be something that's addressed down the road. for now, they've held hands, and shown solidarity for each other. As kids, they're going to goof around and be buddies and not let the cruddy stuff chara did earlier matter. things are so much less of a big deal when you're a kid.

[dancewithlou]

Louis has such an amazing writing style and his lyrics are always incredible but something I’ve always loved is the way he carries the same themes/ motifs throughout his writing. Even looking back on songs from 1D that he wrote on there are clear indicators that he wrote on it because of the themes, lyrics or style of the song often you can tell by the bridge too my man never misses with a bridge he constructs them like no other.

An example of motifs is his use of religious imagery or language in his songs.

‘There’s a devil in your smile that’s chasing me’ // the priest thinks it’s the devil’ // ‘it’s a church of burnt romances’ // ‘im too far gone to pray’ // ‘the devil in my brain’ // ‘demons, I’m taking all of my demons’ - it’s interesting how this is a consistent theme and there’s phew so much to unpack in these songs and their connotations themselves but the lyrics are so emotive. As someone who has a religious background the use of religious imagery is actually something I love because it’s something I pick up on quite quickly. Louis often talks about ‘the devil’ a devil or demon is a crafty creature a ‘fallen angel’ a trickster his use of talking to someone and saying ‘there’s a devil in your smile’ is almost him saying ‘I’m gonna regret this but you’re so tempting and I can’t escape you, I also don’t want to’

‘The priest thinks it’s the devil’ in End of the day Louis is demonstrating loving someone, you can’t help but love that person there’s no escape again linking back to ‘the devil in your smile that’s chasing me’ not to mention the religious trauma that comes along with this line, ‘the priest’ thinks you’re sick your possessed and incurable, because you can’t in fact change who you love. This then links to ‘the devil in my brain’ now remember how in End of the day Louis was being told he was possessed well here’s Louis acknowledging this ‘demon’ he hears the demon in his head this incurable part of him he can’t escape and he can’t help but to listen to this demon because he can’t help who he is as he addresses in End of the day. In Only the brave (which is a song full of queer connotation and religious trauma and imagery) Louis again addresses how he’s ‘too far gone to pray’ how this ‘church of struggles of romances that have burnt to bright but then been put out too soon’ makes him feel like he couldn’t possibly pray he is a possessed man remember the priest has told him that he is wrong, this song addresses the deep trauma of coming to accept how hard it is to love so honestly ‘I’m breaking my own rules’, he’s going against what he’s always been told and therefore something he’s always allowed himself to believe but he is learning to be himself and accept himself because at the End of the day, love is only for the brave. But finally after all this questioning after being told he’s sick, being told he has a devil in him he finally in Out of my System finally sheds off these traumas finally learns to accept who he is ‘Demons, I’m taking all of my demons’ he’s collecting the parts of him that he’s been told are wrong the parts he should hate the ‘devil in his brain’ but he’s ‘putting them where he can’t see them’ because he doesn’t need them anymore he doesn’t want to listen to this trauma because he’s grown from that, he’s getting it Out of his system because he’s finally accepted who he is and he’s being true to himself.

There’s a lot of dark connotations to religious lyricism and the guilt that shines through is prevalent this theme carries through so much of his song writing and it’s truly beautiful like I could truly go on about it (but I won’t I promise). There are countless examples of other motifs and ideas he uses in his lyricism but this is one I’ve never truly seen get truly addressed and it’s in my opinion one of his deepest and most painful themes because of the trauma that comes through the terrifying feeling of trying to be yourself of learning to accept yourself and honestly you don’t even need to look too hard to hear and see the queer connotations that cover such a theme.

[deathbxnny]

Sooo i just finished Xianyun and Arlechinno’s story quests and wow they are so mom coded (or “Father” coded for Arle). I love their story quests so much. Im not ashamed that to admit that i cried during the cutscene in Xianyun’s story quest where the traveler was dreaming about their twin and teared up during Arlechinno’s own cutscene because it turns out she isnt as bad as i thought she was (which now makes the Lyney oneshot request version of her sooooo wrong 😅).

I kinda regret not doing the past events now because well yk, i missed on so many stories, lore, and free primogems that are no longer to avaliable get anymore. While i was burnt out duirng that time and busy as well, i still kinda wish to get the chance to do it despite the event already gone. Something like where in HSR where certain limited events will still be there for new players to play or for old players to replay to get the rewards they missed during its run time but oh well :/

Speaking of HSR, i hope you will enjoy the story missions you havent played yet. I can assure you, the rest of it is as amazing as the past ones. Also, care to share what you think about Firefly..? :)

She’s very interesting and i wanna know what you think of her! I have given up on trying to get her because i lost my chance bc of bailu :’’)

Soooo yeah that’s it.. it’s currently late rn but i still wanted to tell how i feel about the story quests i just played to someone, hope you dont mind 😅

But regardless, i hope you have a lovely day/night and remember to take breaks!

- Flower Anon 🌸 who should probably go to sleep now (it’s not my fault that Arlechinno’s quest was long 😪)

-----♡

Hey there, Flower Anon!!

Sorry for my late response to this, but yeah, I completely agree that we may have made Arlecchino a little too evil in our past one shots of her, haha... Although, I think we could still keep it to her canon version if we just let the reader live and forget Lyney instead by taking that potion in the story quest. But oh well, I still love the twisted version of her anyways lol.

And I also understand your slight frustration regarding missing past events. I haven't played hsr in a while now, mainly because I also barely found the time for it and also because I simply just don't have the energy for it. But I've probably also missed a ton of content by now, which is really not great either...

Regarding what I think of Firefly, I honestly think she's a very sweet character, which oddly reminds me of a young Kiana, which isn't good for my heart, haha.

I don't mind you sharing your thoughts with me btw! I love hearing from you everytime and get excited when seeing your asks in my inbox, so don't worry!!

I hope you're doing well and I wish you a good day/night as well!!<33

-----♡

[cheesiestburger]

a/n: brain in permanent rot for this- just grrrr bark bark, also, sorry for not replying to this eirlier lol, brain fog is killing me. ngl hes a little ooc in this, idk why i wrote his like this but its what my brain demanded soooo (also aslo, this is not proof read. apologies for any spelling mistakes of just flat out missing letters.)

Characters: Alpha! Katsuki bakugou x Omega! Reader

Warnings: suggestive towards end

Summary: Pro-hero Dynamight catches a glimps of you as he walks by on his patrole, and wants to know more about you.

𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜

Katsuki Bakugou is all that an alpha should be. He's years spent working to be a hero, working to protect, climbing the ranks to the top 10 after only a few years in the feild- earning his title an Alpha- and it shows.

The man is built like a god, strong arms made for carrying heavy loads, thighs like treetrunks, always working to push him forward to where he needs to be. The area surrounding him exudes pure power, that, and his scent. He could have anything, anyone, he wants- whether he asks for it or he takes it himself.

You, however, work at a local bakery, usually behind the cash register, or waiting tables with all kinds of sweet treats and coffee- whatever was needed at the time. A few weeks ago, Pro-Hero dynamight had a change to his schedule, with a new patrol route that just happens to pass by your workplace.

He saw you through the window on the first day of his new route, as he grumbled away to himself about 'how stupid this is' (he was a creature of habit, after all), and he was struck at first by your face. He thought it was beautiful- intricate lines making up your eyes, the creasse in your brow as you lost yourself in thought- and then he walked past, and you were gone. He had half wanted to turn around and see more, maybe go inside and ask your name, but of course that would seem strange- stupid, even, he told himself, so he continued walking, with you at the back of his mind.

The next day, as he bagan partol, he passed your bakery again, this time looking for you, but only to become slightly disgruntled when you werent there- only for you to walk direnct past him from behind and rush into said bakery, giving him a facefull of your scent.

As you rushed inside,accidentally running into what felt like a wall, you were hit with the smell of orange zest and caramel, with the slightest undertone of a burnt or smokey smell. It smelt amazing, calming even, but as you turned to see who it belonged to, you were met wiht Dynamight. The Dynamight. you would spontaniously combust on the spot if you could. Katsuki Bakugou was standing outside your work and you not only ran into him, but only turned around because of his scent.

Katsuki, on the otherhand, was floored. Immediatly addicted to your scent, taking a deep inhale through his nose, and locking eyes with you. He could feel his alpha clawing at his chest to get to you. you just looked so cute! Standing there, face beet red, awkwardly fidgeting as you just stared up at him.

'uhm.. im sorry,.. i didnt mean to bump into you-' you began to babble but got cut off as he smirked down at you, beefy arms crossing across his chest. 'yeah? well how about you be more careful? wouldnt want that pretty face getting hurt, would we?' he teased, your face getting redder by the second. 'okay- sorry, again' you muttered to him, eyes still locked on his. moments pass, the both of you just sort of staring at eachother, before you remeber you do infact have a job and are now running late.

As you turn around, walking back into the bakery, you hear him chuckle and begin to walk away. For the rest of the day, you cant stop thinking about him; his scent, the rippling muscles on his arms and shoulders, so strong you though he was a wall. Katsuki's thoughts are much the same throught the day, except the are directed at you; the way your hair blew slightly in the breeze, the way you smelt like cinnamon and honey, about how your apron sat on your waist, about how good you would look in nothing but your apron.

Katsuki shook his head, trying to rid himself of any more thoughts about you, but to no avail, and decided he might stop by for a coffe tomorrow.

𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜𖦹꩜

[thefrcrimsonfcker]

OOC: Let me explain.

Hello everyone, @thefrcrimsonfcker here, and I felt I should make this post. Love lettter requests, will they be done? Absolutely. Asks, will I do them? Of course Headcannons? Yes. Writing? Will be done.. eventually.

Will I be active? Semi Will I respond to comments? Yes Will I look at the asks I have given people? 100%

Will I still talk to my friends? YES.

Soo.. Why in the hell am I making this? I am going to be semi-active for a bit.

I have recently been having little to no motivation and having been feeling very burnt out.

I want to start off by saying how grateful I am for each and every one of you. Your support, your encouragement, your love and your kindness have all been a constant source of joy and inspiration in my life. I am taking a slight break just to deal with some personal stuff, regarding relationships, mental health and just focusing on reality

Will I be gone for good? No!! I am not even taking a hiatus, I am just going to post little to nothing, and mainly only go on Tumblr to check my activity, messages, and to check if people need to talk.

I know, I know

I shouldn't even bother making this. I have next to no followers but a handful. Well, I care about every one of my followers like they are my children, and I think they deserve to know why letters, asks, prompts and all that stuff is being delayed so much. I promise, it *will* get done, I will do it! But I just have way too much stuff going on right now to do that!!

I love you all a ton, and I always will, and this is not goodbye, this is more "im-just-gonna-stand-over-here-in-the-corner" kinda shit.

Sincerely- @thefrcrimsonfcker

[necromycologist]

rating 'fantasies' songs by their tlt vibes

recently i got really into this album and ive been listening to it nonstop and i got the urge to make this post so behold.

Help I'm Alive

we open with a BANGER. the whole heart motif beauty of existence thing is very tlt in general but "if we're still alive my regrets are few/if my life is mine what shouldnt i do" feels like it could be ntn cam+pal perhaps. 6/10 for general vibes not really going anywhere specific tho.

Sick Muse

i could see this as a convo between gideon and harrow. "pull your little arrows out an let me live my life" she WOULD say that about love... ily harrowhark necro'mancer nonagesimus lyctorway keep sticking your middle finger up at preps. but the main event is "all the blondes are fantasies/we looked at them eleven ways/you said look at me then looked away" like i dont even need to explain this one. YOU SAID LOOK AT ME THEN LOOKED AWAY the orpheus and eurydice the betrayal the hurt why wont you eat me please please consume me why are you saving me sorry one sec. ill shut up about greek myths now. 7.5/10 that one lyric saved it for me

Satellite Mind

this song is so strange and offputting it has to be about our favourite little bone nun <3 its givin htn harrow "i can feel you most when im alone" um the body the body the body "flashback of a feeling/sixth sense of a calling" its the love! that they couldnt take away!! 6/10 because i think that the dreamy freaky what the fuck is happening are suuuuper htn however the actual lyrics arent super close

Gold Guns Girls

i want this song to be about ianthe tridentarius soooooo bad... i want it to be about our favourite perpetually thirdweeling failgirl so much... like ive never wanted anything else ever oh my GOD... "i remember when you were gambling to win/everybody else said better luck next time" underestimated at canaan house anyone? anyone at all? no takers?? no??? 3/10 because despite my deepest wishes this is just a good song thats not about gay catholic homestuck 😔

Gimme Sympathy

slightly ironic gtn griddlehawk at its finest. "get hot/get too close to the flames" oops! now ur her cavalier "wild open space" gideon-gettin-shocked-by-days-on-earth-emotional.png "talk like an open book" not with that vow of silence. idiot. "sign me up!" shes not signed up haha "ill remember someday all the chances we took" not after the lobotomy u wont lol "we're so close to something better left unknown" cough cough LYCTORHOOD. 9/10 manifesting kiriona giving harrow sympathy after all of this is gone in alecto

Collect Call

hiii ntn fans i prommy i didn’t forget abt u! this one goes out to the psychosexual mess of role playing and bad meals enjoyers <3 "i know it's a lie i want it to be true/the rest of the rot is riding on you" oh boy like i said psychosexual mess... pyrra dve my beloved "wishing you could KEEP! ME! CLOSER! IM A LAZY! DANCER! WHEN YOU MOVE! I! MOVE WITH YOUOOOOOOOOO" oh lord nona placing her hand on cam's shoulder like palamedes would. oh lord being so close in one body and yet a second apart. 8/10 should be higher but i started Having Feelings about nona's death again and couldnt finish listening to the song

Front Row

this is a john song if I’ve ever heard one. “burnt out stars they shine so bright… all of us” is def. giving lyctor vibes. (just children playing with reflections thinking they were stars grauauauagh etc etc) plus plus “he’s not perfect/he’s a victim/of his occupation/social insulation/secret intervention” like fuck dude he really is!!! pilot that president around ordinary dude fuck the world up with your good intentions!!! 10/10 this song is the brainrot undying the kindly prince of my lyctor brainrot

Blindness

besties ngl i am INCREDIBLY torn on this one,,, on one hand “what it is and where it stops nobody knows/you gave me a life i never chose/i wanna leave but the world wont let me go” goes crazy hard. like harrowhark ‘cursed to keep living’ nonagesimus? hello is that u? on the other hand the whole opening sequence of this is very blood of eden coded… 5/10 this song has a very Character Energy about it but i think i must accept that that character is probably not a tlt one

Stadium Love

ohohohoo! here she comes!! this song IS about canaan house like the whole thing n nothing will convince me otherwise. "wanna make a deal/angel versus eel" hm im getting gideighth betrayal vibes from this "rabbit versus dove" WHAT DID I SAY colum get back here your government assigned fursona is in the song "owl versus dove" uuuuuh this can be about the sixth being cool basically whenever because sixth -> wisdom -> athena -> owl. idc that they live on mercury fuck off. the blorbos may be smart but i dont have to be. btw camilla hect if you read this im free on thursday night and would like to hang out plz respond and then hang out with me on thursday night when im free. u can bring your necromancer too if yw. "every living thing pushed into the ring" duel time every (necro)man(cer) for himself "guess you thought you could just watch" go on enforce that cohort order judith! it wont backfire at all haha! "NO. ONES. GETTING. OUT" well. uh. none of them are. plus cant you just see the Character Portrait Flashes AMV Moments to the wooowooos?? cant you??? "without STADIUM LOVE" the last time they say this w the beat drop it should be gidedeath cytherea duel epic timez and then the echoing "love love" at the end is harrow waking up and mouthing The Three Syllables TM. 11/10 somebody lend me their animation skills please i would be sooo epic and responsible with them i have a Vison...

in conclusion thx for listening to my deranged ramblings (if anyone actually does.) please go listen to fantasies its so so good... message me and we can brainrot thru it together xoxo

[aajjks]

tc koo of course i’d want that baby.. it so sickening knowing some of these women imagine you holding them the way you do me.. i’d love to see the looks on their faces once they see how much you worship me.. i was the first and only woke to touch you wasn’t i.. the thought of that makes me clench so hard.. wanna feel? seeing as you’re the perfect husband, i can only imagine how amazing you’ll be as the father of my children-makes me wanna get pregnant right here, right now.. but we both know now isn’t the best time plus.. i’m quite possessive as well, want you all myself.. *yn looks him in the eyes with a serious expression* sana has tried to sneak into you chamber before.. why haven’t you told me. how many other whores have tried to sneak into your room! you’re right i should just calm down.. im sorry baby, forgive me? of course you can be drunk in my room, you’ll always be safe with me my love.. *yn slightly freezes* you wouldn’t want me to kill anyone.. uh, i see.. yeah, you’re right- with you i am an angel. hah.. my handsome, the only reason i’d tremble is because i feel safe with you, no need to feel confident with a sword but baby you don’t need a sword to kill somebody- or even weaken your opponent.. i’m just saying what my grandfather use to tell me when i was little.. it’s nothing really just something i remembered.. i promise won’t ever leave you or try to make you jealous my love, that’ll never happen! i’ll swear on it.

(talking to Ha-joon)

he can never know.. his response to even thinking i killed somebody.. he’ll stop loving me he finds out what we do. he can never find out. if he finds out, you know what will happen.

(back to jungkooook)

hello handsome.. well i did tell you i’d be quick, didn’t i? what, did you not trust me? yeah you’ll get to baby.. i’m okay it’s ju-just.. i wanted to tell you my secret.. no you’re right baby, i can tell you anything.. i know.. you’ll find out my secret huh.. okay well, i’ll tell you.. i.. i didn’t make your food.. i tried! but i burnt it so the cooks made it for you.. i know it’s a goofy secret but i.. i just wanted to make you proud but i failed.. i’m still learning though because i want to be the perfect wife for you and making sure you’re fed and we’ll rested it a part of that so i will keep working on it!

Jungkook: “Yn it’s just a fantasy of theirs, it’ll never come true so you needn’t get angry at all, yes you’re my first and only one. I love you so much, y-yes I can feel you, and I want to get you pregnant too but first I need to get rid of a few obstacles in my way, like concubine hae-soo’s father, he’s a governor and he’s plotting against me…. I think he wants me to conceive a child with his daughter- that will never happen but he will loose his head. I love it when you’re possessive yn. And as for sana, baby she’s no more, so why do you waste your energy on her, a lot of girls have tried to seduce me but no one could ever succeed, I’m yours. And yes I don’t want you killing anyone, my angel, you’re so good, you can never betray my trust like that…. I’ll always make you feel safe- huh? What did your grandfather used to say? My grandfather used to love me very much, as my mother used to tell me, but… my father, that bastard killed his own dad, so I killed him and took my revenge and ascended to the throne, you don’t hate me for that do you? Oh I love you so much, yn.”

ha-joon: “ma’am, please- I think someone is watching us, the king has spies everywhere, you can never know who to trust…. And yes I know… my queen you’d better leave!”

jungkook: “It’s okay yn… come here, I don’t want to eat right now, there’s an urgent issue that we need to discuss, a concubine has gone missing, I was just reported of the issue…. Shit, this is going to cause quite the stir…. What is going on in this palace huh?! Yn… I’m so stressed.”

[ethernetmeep]

stood out in the rain a bit to see if that would help my current state.. all it did was have cold water hit my pajamas and hair. somewhat relaxing, if not for the bucket of emotions festering in my stomach— feeling like hot magma and ice are injected into my veins, eventually going to mix together and come to a standstill. but not right now. right now both of them are only somewhat starting to mix, the head on collision of two such contrasting forces feeling like a face plant into concrete. or like skinning your knee so bad in a race you know you’re going to lose, but volunteered for anyway; knowing you would be last no matter what you did.

…yeah, the last part did happen to me when i was younger, unsurprisingly. as soon as i fell i felt hot tears run down my face in a mix of both shame and embarrassment. i knew i wouldn’t get far, but i did it anyway. almost nobody even knew i was gone, or volunteered at the last second in the first place.

when i was younger, i hated that fact. hated nobody even realized i was there in the first place, but also simultaneously didn’t want to stay on the field with a knee gushing with blood and dirt either. looking back on it, i think i just wanted somebody to realize i was gone and say they hoped i was okay.

now things are difficult, confusing. the friends i had as a little girl aren’t the same ones i have today. i still wish for people to hope im okay, but i don’t say it; don’t really ask for it.

life is.. a lot. im having to process new things (new things which are so common and easy for other people, but extremely new to me) and i don’t know what to do about it. i can’t do anything about it. and you’re gonna say “no, you can! you can do this!” but it isn’t that simple. nothing is ever simple, really.

i guess its as myhouse.wad said in its diary section of the mod— “happiness has to be fought for.” which is true! i’ve fought tons of awful shit just to be where i am right now. i mean, im not perfect, but i’m here! i still exist! that has to mean something to someone, right? if not to anyone else, then to me!

…but even then, it’s not like i’m fighting for just my own happiness. i always wanna do whatever it is in my power to make sure everyone around me is okay, too; and doing that makes me realize that i’m not.. well. to put it in gentler terms, i’m never going to be my happiest. letting others be happy, or helping them achieve that goal, is great! its what i want to do, really. seeing other people light up is worth it to me. all i want is for the people i care about to be happy, whether i’m apart of it or not.. which hurts. the part of not being apart of it, i mean. it stings, feeling akin to being burnt alive to then being frozen over— (dramatic, i know..) but i’d rather i be the one to go through that than for anyone else to endure a fate as of that nature.

…granted, theres no exact reason why i should be the one to be put through that. i realize im a decent person all around, and a fate as that would make more sense for someone else of more cruel personality and actions.. but i don’t really mind. i can take that placement— because i know i can still see the good in things, regardless of how shitty the situation is. all in all, i won’t get the future or life i know i want.. and that’s okay. i’m fine with it. of course, not really— as i want more than anything to achieve the things i so desperately strive for— but soon enough i’ll be fine with it. if not now, soon i’ll be okay.