#but one of the very few things we have in this trap system where we MUST have labor coerced from us is some agency what WHAT we have coerced

[guiltyidealist]

Imagine understanding that labor under capitalism is coercive -- all of it, by nature -- and being anti- sex work 💀

[spaceshipellie]

Can you write a soccer!ellie x fem!reader where It’s fluff before Ellies game and then her team loses and she fucks you roughly after out of anger? <3

soccer!ellie x fem!reader

warnings: dom!ellie, sub!reader, fingering (r receiving), strap usage (r receiving), fucks you in her soccer tshirt, slight dacryphilia, spit, slight spanking, reader wears a skirt, 18+ MDNI

author’s note: firstly i am SO SORRY this took me a million years to get to but i hope you still love it. sporty ellie whether it’s soccer, volleyball, hockey, whatever makes me soooo hot and bothered like wow lemme munch on that (not to mention all the sporty ellie fanart ??? makes me weak in the knees every time)

no one could deny that ellie was hot as fuck, especially when she was playing soccer. the way she moved so quickly and strategically. the way she’d stride along lifting her top up to wipe sweat from her face, exposing her abs. all the girls at her games fawned over her but you were the only one she ever gave a shit about. she loved looking up at you in the stands and seeing your pretty smile as you looked at her, giving her a little wave or even mouthing an “i love you.”

it was about ten minutes before the game was about to start and you were currently standing before her, cupping her face whilst her hands securely held your waist that adorned one of her soccer shirts.

“you’re going to be amazing, baby.”

“always am when i’ve got my little good luck charm cheering me on.”

you smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips before you felt a towel come flying at you both.

“williams, we’re on in five, keep it in your pants,” the coach said.

ellie rolled her eyes at them, throwing out a “yeah yeah, i’m coming” before giving you another quick kiss and squeeze on your waist.

“i’ll see you later, baby,” she smiled, licking her lips.

“good luck.” you stole another quick peck before scampering off, ellie eyeing you up as you left.

you watched intently throughout the game. it was very back and forth with who was in the lead and with only two minutes to go and ellie’s team a few points behind, you were getting nervous. you could see it in ellie’s face too and the way she paced with her jaw clenched.

soon enough, the buzzer went indicating the game was over and ellie’s team had lost. you could see her and her teammates all hugging and patting each other on the back and mumbling things to each other and you braced yourself for dealing with a pissed off ellie later.

you were now at home after ellie had showered and changed in the locker room and she had ranted about the game for the entire drive, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the steering wheel. you had mostly just been listening, sensing that she needed to get the frustration out of her system. well, ranting about it was one way but you could think of some other things that normally helped.

whilst she was slumped in a chair, arms folded across her chest and an aggravated pout on her face, you stood behind her and started gently massaging her shoulders.

“sorry about the game, baby. there will be others.”

“i know but doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.”

“you were still amazing out there.” you continued rubbing her shoulders comfortingly.

“we should have fucking won,” she grumbled, bouncing her knee in irritation.

you leant down to kiss her temple gently and left more soft kisses down towards the curve of her neck before leaving one behind her ear and whispering.

“wanna use me to feel better about it?”

something in her must have snapped because she then shot up from her seat and grabbed your arms to pull you close, her own arms trapping you against her. a tiny smirk graced her features.

“oh yeah? that’s what you want?”

“that’s what i want,” you spoke quietly, your hand gripping her hair to pull her closer to you.

she hungrily kissed you, her hands exploring your entire body as she pushed you towards your shared bedroom. she ripped off her hoodie leaving her in her wife pleaser before pushing you down onto the bed. you whined a little as you bounced with the impact on the mattress. she looked down at you sitting on the edge of the bed, like you were her prey and she was starving. your skirt had bunched up a little, giving her a peak at the skimpy red underwear you had on. she shoved your legs apart and admired the wet fabric, chuckling to herself before using her other hand to grip both your cheeks between her fingers and kissed you, her hot open mouth on yours. she teased your clit through your underwear with light strokes.

“i think you kinda like the fact that we lost,” she taunted.

“no.” your voice didn’t sound very convincing.

“you sure? sure you don’t like it when i take my anger out on you like this?” her fingers pressed harder against your clit. you couldn’t find the words to say.

“speak up, baby.”

“i-i-fuck ellie, i like it.”

she smiled smugly to herself. “good girl.”

she started to peel your underwear off your legs, a string of cum breaking as she pulled it away from your aching cunt.

“you gonna let me do whatever i want with you?” her finger toyed with your hole.

“please, ellie,” you tried to nod, her grip still holding your face.

she shoved two fingers all the way in and her pace was immediately relentless. you cried out as she fucked into you, the tips of her fingers hitting that spot every time.

“so fucking wet for me, pretty girl, and i’ve only just started.”

you let out a squeaky moan as you already felt yourself wanting to close your legs but you resisted. her hand on your face slid down to pull the soccer top up, exposing your tits. she pushed the fabric towards your mouth indicating for you to hold it in place so she could squeeze your boobs, pinching your nipples occasionally.

“i think you can take another for me,” she said as she pushed a third finger inside.

your arms grew tired from holding yourself up but you pushed through it as she suddenly got down on her knees and spat directly on your cunt. you both watched as it dribbled down over your clit and got caught in the rapid movements of her fingers fucking in and out. your cries were muffled by the fabric in between your teeth.

she left bite marks and sloppy kisses all along your thighs. she moved her hand away from your tits and starting rubbing her fingers side to side on your clit. the added pleasure brought tears to your eyes and she looked up at you.

“can’t handle it, baby? come on, i know you can.”

your moans were unholy as you felt it building up in you lower stomach. your ears were practically ringing except for the wet sounds of your cunt and her words.

“ellie, i’m gonna–“ the top dropped from your mouth and a whimper cut you off as her fingers kept torturing you through your release. the familiar clear liquid splashed and dripped down her wrist and forearm.

“shit, baby, you fucking squirted.”

still in a daze, you looked down at where her fingers were still buried inside you but were now still and her arm and the mattress under your ass was wet. your fucked out pussy couldn’t stop clenching even when she pulled out and kissed you, grabbing your skirt and yanking it down, tossing it somewhere in the room. she quickly span you around so that you were lying flat on your stomach and gave your ass a quick slap. you could hear her undoing her jeans behind you and shuffling around with something. something you assumed to be her strap. the bed then dipped either side of you as she leant on her hands above you.

“lift up,” she instructed, shoving a pillow under your hips so that your ass was propped up better.

she kissed and grazed her teeth on the back of your shoulder and relished in seeing the massive “williams” stated across your back. you were hers and everyone at that game knew it. you lifted your ass up in desperation and felt the tip of the strap against it.

“you needy for my dick, baby?”

you moaned an mmhmm in response.

“once just wasn’t enough, huh? you need to be stuffed again?”

“ellie…please.”

she started rubbing the tip of the strap over your slippery folds. she seemed to take an agonisingly long time in teasing you like that before she eventually pushed it in, bottoming out making you gasp against the mattress. she used one arm to hold herself up and used the other to grip your waist, pushing and pinning it down into the bed as she started to fuck into you. her thrusts were hard and they slowly got faster and faster until you were practically blubbering at how good and overwhelming it felt. the praises and filth that left her mouth whilst she had her way with you were never ending.

“you’re taking my dick so well.”

“such a good girl letting me use you like this.”

“so good to me, baby.”

it was pushing you over the edge as she brutally slammed in and out of you. your moans became more strangled and loud despite your face being pressed into the bed. she gave your ass a few slaps before roughly gripping the flesh and spreading it so she had a better view of your stretched out pussy and the cum that was forming a ring around her strap. you were so sensitive it was almost too much but being completely pinned under her, you couldn’t move away even if you wanted to, which you didn’t of course. she wasn’t completely wrong before, of course you didn’t want her to lose but you also weren’t going to complain about what it had led to.

“oh fuckfuckfuck,” you pathetically cried.

“come for me, show me how good i’m making you feel.”

your whole body shook as you came and you felt empty when she eventually pulled out. you whined and wiggled your hips, gaining a low laugh from her. she dragged some of your cum that was dripping down to your clit and pushed it back inside of you with two of her fingers. she worked them in and out slowly whilst brushing your hair away so she could leave a kiss behind your ear.

“don’t worry, baby. i’m not done with you yet.”

[noyoyoy]

First things first, I am so sorry I haven’t written anything in the last few months. I have had ZERO energy. I’m getting better so I figured I’d go ahead and write this for all of you who are very patiently waiting. (Thank you all for understanding.)

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Husband reader

Tw: None

It wasn’t known that Simon had a family. A husband and a little girl they adopted 2 years ago for their 5th year marriage anniversary. His husband had wanted a family for so long, being with Simon since they were twenty-two, they always talked about kids. Getting a surrogate or adoption. When they got to the orphanage the little girl they saw out of their eye almost looked just like the two of them, it was almost weird when you guys saw her for the first time. she was around six, dirty blonde hair like Simon’s, just a shade or two lighter, and an eye colour that matched M/n’s perfectly. Her hair was short, shoulder length and wispy bangs that covered her forehead. Her name was Charlotte and she had been in the system since she was Four, her parents no longer in the picture. M/n knew she was the one the moment he laid his eyes on her. Simon felt the same way.

So when Simon took out his phone after a mission around his team for the first time and they saw the little girl on the same lock screen he forgot to change when he deployed again, all hell broke loose. Soap wondering who the girl was, poking at him for an answer. Gaz saying “I didn’t know you had any family left.” With a snicker that earned a hit to the head from Price and a glare from Simon.

“Cut it out. Don’t meddle in his life.” Price told the two, but deep down he wanted to know too. As far as he knew Simon didn’t have a wife, and the only family he had was dead. So who was the girl?

A week later they were off duty, Simon was lying in bed, his husband asleep on his chest and the little girl tucked snuggly into his side. Needless to say, he was trapped. Not like he planned on getting out of bed anytime soon anyway. That changed when his phone rang. His phone was on do not disturb for everything other than his work. His daughter stirred, wiping the sleep from her e/c eyes looking at Simon “What is that?..” she mumbled out with a large yawn, still mostly asleep. “Nothing sweetheart, lay back down.” Simon said as he grabbed his phone, and patted her head as she tucked back away in the spot she was.

He was upset. Clearly, when he saw it was soap. “Fuckin’ what.” He groggily growled out to the Scot on the other end of the phone, annoyed that he is fucking up his home time and woke his daughter. “Shit what got yer panties in a twist Si?” A chuckle comes after that. “fuck do ya want.” They talked for about 3 minutes before Simon felt movement in his chest. Looking down and meeting the same eyes he fell in love with, staring at him. “Gotta go.” He hung up on Soap before he had a chance to say anything back. Tossing his phone to the bed and running a hand through his lovers hair. “G’mornin’ love..” he said in a tone that would be almost unrecognizable to anyone else who knew him. With a yawn and a stretch M/n sat up, straddling Simon’s waist and we stretched again. “Good morning!” He smiled at him and noticed the tuff of messy blonde hair near Simon’s arm, a smile on his face as he looked at Charlotte.

“How did you sleep?” Simon asked, whispering as to not wake up the little girl laying by his side. “Good, you?” M/n smiled and crawled off Simon’s lap, out of bed. “Perfect.” Simon stared at him as he got up. The warmth slowly leaving his body where he once was. “I’m gonna go make breakfast for us, I’ll be back.” M/n said as he opened the bedroom door and headed downstairs into the kitchen. Simon let out a sigh, looking down at the sleeping girl, a soft smile coming onto his face. “You woulda loved her..” he whispered out to no one in particular. He loved his family. The thing he was terrified of gaining after he lost his. After the incident that left his face and body scarred for the rest of his life. The same face he thought no one would ever be able to look at without feeling sick. The same face M/n had fallen in love with.. despite how they met, despite his job. He found love. He intended on keeping it save with his life this time.

I might make a part 2, I might not. I’m still trying to get my writing motivation back, but I hope you enjoyed this. Remember I take recommendations, and feedback!

[strangeandoff-putting]

why I'm happysad that they let Numa be the narrator in Society of the Snow.

So if you, like me, have been more than a little obsessed with the story of Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 for a very, very long time, your stomach probably dropped like mine did when the narrator introduced himself as Numa Turcatti. (My immediate thought was, "why would you do this to us?!") If you went in blind, I feel for you!

But while the film gave us a version of Numa, since it's from his perspective what it doesn't really give us is the group's perspective on him. He comes across a bit like an outsider, and although, yes, his only surviving friend was Pancho Delgado, he wasn’t an outsider for long at all. On the contrary. So, here are a few excerpts from the books that tell you more about what he was like and how much they all loved him, because I feel like that’s important.

From Alive, Piers Paul Read:

Next to Parrado, Numa Turcatti was the most generally beloved of the boys. [...] Since he had known few of the boys before leaving Montevideo, it was proof of his strength, simplicity and complete lack of malice that he became so loved and respected by them.

On celebrating Numa's birthday while trapped under the avalanche:

The boys gave him an extra cigarette and made a birthday cake out of snow. [...] Many would have liked to give him a better time on his birthday, but instead it was he who improved their spirits. "We have survived the worst," he said. "From now on, things can only get better."

From Society of the Snow, Pablo Vierci:

‘When I talk about Numa, I can’t help but cry,’ says Coche Inciarte. ‘He’s the best person I’ve ever met in my life. However tenderly I cared for those who were losing heart, Numa did it much better because he never got tired. He was constantly aware of everyone else’s distress. He radiated peace, he never gave up, and when he came near me, I felt like Jesus Christ himself was among us, with such mercy and compassion in his eyes. I don’t know where he got his strength.’ ‘I could never imagine him living in everyday life, because I met him and I loved him in that torment of the Andes,’ says Coche. ‘He had a hard time eating, like I did. We ate the bare minimum in order to survive. I lost one hundred pounds, he lost more. And just like me, his leg became infected after the avalanche. We operated on our legs together with a razor blade. But he deteriorated more quickly than I did, because he had given so much more; he had been too generous.’

Moncho Sabella:

Numa taught us about the anonymous heroism of giving more of himself to others than he reserved for himself. In that balance between solidarity and selfishness, which decided whether you lived or died, he tilted the balance in favour of the others to the detriment of himself. [...] And when the avalanche came and covered the plane, the one who worked the hardest, the one who removed the most snow so that we could come back to life, was Numa. Again, he was exceeding his own limits. [...] In the end, his immune system was so devastated that he got one infection after another. We gave him antibiotics and the doctors on the mountain attended to him every day, but finally he left us. And with him, we all died a little more.

Gustavo Zerbino:

I always remember Numa up there, full of despair, when he told us that he would rather die watching the sky, walking, instead of ending life immobilised in a cave of broken metal. For that reason, after the avalanche, he kept digging and removing snow without rest until he burned himself out with exhaustion. He always thought that his time had come but he wanted to work until the final moment, doing whatever he could to help. I cared for him all those days; I saw how he was hurried to the brink of death, with no defences, getting one infection after another. I went up to him and first I gave him a kiss on the cheek to greet him and asked him how he was doing. He just stared at me with a kind of infinite peace. He never complained. But Numa was quickly deteriorating: from that physical strength and vigour he had had at the beginning, he finished as a skeletal dying boy. He held on to his characteristic qualities until the end though. He was that same stoic guy when he was strong and when he was wasting away.

‘Gustavo Zerbino didn’t tell us the whole truth [about the expedition] because he didn’t want us to be discouraged. When I asked Numa about it, he couldn’t lie and he told me: “As far as we went, all you could see were more mountains.” But even so, he always wanted to be an expeditionary. “I want to go,” he told me, even though I knew at once he could never go, he was too exhausted and too hurt.’ So Numa approached Daniel Fernández, knowing that he had influence over the others, and he tried to convince him: ‘I can do it, Daniel, please believe me. I can do it.’ Daniel recalls, ‘When I told him that his injury made it impossible, he started working even harder than ever, like a bull, shovelling snow to unbury the plane after the avalanche to show that yes, he could do it.’

Finally, from Alive, after Numa died:

On this particular afternoon, Javier Methol lay at the back of the plane. "Be careful," he said to Coche as he rose and stepped over Numa's body. "Be careful not to step on Numa." "But Numa's dead," said Parrado. Javier had not realised what had happened, and now that he understood his spirits dropped completely. He wept as he had wept at the death of Liliana, for he had grown to love the shy and simple Numa Turcatti as though he were his brother or son.

I'm not sure the Numa we see in the film is quite the same person that he actually was on that mountain, but I'm so, so glad that he got a voice. He fought so hard for them all.

So, yeah. In the immortal words of Jake Peralta,

[theoneiroveil]

Did you wake up on October 1st, 2016 to a very strange channel in your subscription box on Youtube?

Well if not, here is a little bit that channel.

Soursalt is a series that began in 2016 with roughly 600 people waking up subscribed to it without knowing. That's a very real thing that happened, which is a great selling point of the story.

Over the next few days these weirdly edited potato-quality home videos get uploaded and nobody has any idea what's going on. Some descriptions keep changing, some are pieces of conversations, etc. People are immediately hooked because what the fuck is going on? Then Madman Re starts getting mentioned, is it a place, a God, Freddy Krueger, who knows. More cryptic and weird dream videos get uploaded and then suddenly there's a break. This is the end of the prologue of the story.

Suddenly, we started getting rapid fire uploads a few months later of these two idiots making a really shitty ghost hunter parody knock off sketch. This is basically meant to be like a needle in the haystack for viewers. There are moments in these videos that are completely filler and just dumb comedy or filler -- b u t there are teases that something is up sprinkled within these videos. You'll have one of them mention the path looks different (implying they scouted it out before hand), or they'll hear or see something the camera just straight up doesn't see of pick up. This continues on until it's obviously getting dark, but we don't see their journey home. Instead, a few days later, we're treated to another sketch. This time shit gets fucky.

The two do the Ghost Guy routine on a haunted road by the woods, but as the move past the housed area towards the side of the park, their patience with each other starts running thin, they start hearing strange things, and feeling off. After taking a break off the road in a nearby Gazebo, they find a mysterious grave site and a stuffed monkey. Here, we learn out of character that they were filming at locations posted on a strange forum ; the same one implied to have launched the Soursalt spread.

After getting covered in some shit, blood and rot the characters introduce the audience to the Madman of Re as Aidan "Ghost Guy" Calloway touches the Window of a spooky run down bus and a ghastly hand touches his back -- all separated thematically by … a Window.

And this is where Soursalt takes you, into the Window; a terrifying physical nightmare space that seperates the viewer from their body and traps them in their own mind, a mind that can be easily manipulated by the Madman of Re.

BUT WAIT

This is only the end's beginning.

Timeskip -- Seven Years Later:

The story returns with Eulacram on the eve of the Spread's seven year anniversary following Aidan as he struggles to live with the trauma of his past and present following the events he experienced in Soursalt. It's at this point where the shattering of Aidan's mind takes literal form and we're presented with various versions of him through a system that he calls the Crucible Channel.

Meanwhile, another entity has pursued the same goal as Madman Re and sought out those that were victims of various Spreads to put together what it calls the Eulacram Tribute, a tournament of survival that allows those touched by the Oneiroveil (the dream realm the Window is in) to compete for an evolution of their flesh. Aidan and the other Spread victims are unknowingly pulled into a shared dream where it seems reality is once again being manipulated as their lives are being toyed with. However, Aidan's access to the Crucible Channel may be prove useful in saving him and the other victims from this new nightmare.

Eulacram is designed both as an Epilogue to Soursalt and its own series. While Soursalt is to be seen as a more found-footage style story, Eulacram utilizes the idea posed by the prologue that the entity can create videos with dreams, to showcase a cinematic-like view of events within the story. Some episodes can transition between hand-held, cinematic handheld, and cinematic third person, to allow for a unique approach on telling the story.

New viewers of the series can pick up with Act 1 or Act 2 Eulacram (on 10/1/23) without having fully watched Soursalt or Eulacram's prologue ; which will allow for an easier transition into the new content while everything you need to know will be given to you through the story. Viewers of the past content, and even those part of the first 600 subscribers will get the full experience though, as they will have seen the journey of some of these characters from the beginning, understanding the trauma that led them to becoming who they are today.

Soursalt // Eulacram is unlike any other web series you have seen, or dreamed. It's dark, gritty, there's a talking lizard, it's sharp and brutal at times ; but comedic, light hearted and emotional at others. The characters feel real, their pain feels real. If you're looking for web series horror that breaks the mould, takes risks, and isn't afraid to pop out an eye or two… or three… or ---

Then on October 1st, 2023, you should wake up to a very strange channel in your subscription box on Youtube.

This is that channel.

[majycka]

Gojo Satoru, a sad case of “pookie peaked in high school” and what it tells us about the dangers of nostalgia

(chap 236 and 261 major manga spoilers ahead please be warned!!)

What exactly do I mean by “pookie peaked in high school”? In general definition, it’s someone who often recalls their glory days and achievements back in high school. Well, Gojo Satoru isn’t exactly the type to brag about his achievements in high school because he just generally brags about being  “the strongest” all the time. Instead, I’ll be focusing more on the “recalling glory days” or the nostalgia aspect of this phrase because this is so apparent to how the few times we got to hear Gojo’s thoughts from the past chaps, and it is always longing Geto presence and Geto represents a lot of the youthful days Gojo had. Heck, even in his death, Gojo reverts back to his highschool self, preferring he’d stay in there because that goes to show he’s very much stuck up to his past and heavily longs for it.

Geto is one of Gojo’s biggest symbols of his youth because in that era of high school with him, Gojo gets to be much of a kid when ever since day one of his birth he was built up this perfected weapon of jujutsu. Gojo has someone even in his messed up thinking that only “strong people” will be able to understand him and luckily, he had a “strong person” he could connect with to “understand” the burdens of shouldering such responsibility. Gojo obviously feels nostalgic for his youth because it was that time in his life where he kinda remotely let it someone (aka a friend).  I mean, sure, nostalgia is fine and dandy because Gojo was able to be a teacher with the aim for a better generation. However, there’s a crucial amount of nostalgia that makes someone at least in the healthy realm of thinking and use it to move forward with life. As for Gojo’s case, he is trapped by it.

He’s so stuck by it that it bleeds into his present goals as teacher and that’s his whole schtick with “raising a “stronger” generation that's gonna change the system.” It’s not entirely bad right? He seems like he’s using his past experience to try to change the future. He’s moving forward? He’s seen how badly the system messed up his best friend, so now he doesn't have any of that happening to the kids? But then his intentions are further put into test when he becomes Megumi’s mentor.

We can’t deny that Gojo is a pretty inattentive teacher except for the times he actually wants to be an attentive one (aka with Yuuji’s case). Megumi literally asked Gojo’s time if he wants to spar but it’s kinda understandable because Gojo the Strongest has a tight schedule being always on demand with his job. 

He chooses kids with potential already and kinda leaves them on their own to figure out stuff. If we put him with a student like normal girl Miwa, there’s no doubt he’d say no to teaching her. Now, we’ll be focusing more on Megumi because this guy gets more time under Gojo’s mentorship. This sparring says a lot about their dynamic. To recap, Megumi asks Gojo how he can improve → baseball scene flashback → Gojo points out that he isn't selfish enough and it’s ok to be selfish. However, there’s one thing Gojo forgets about why Megumi, who despite having the gifts, isn’t really pulling his own weight to fulfil potential.  

Gojo forgets Megumi’s not like him who delights in power. Megumi’s just some guy who got stuck working as a sorcerer cuz Gojo says that’s the only way he’ll be able to protect his sister. Gojo ain’t too wrong about the selfish part to be fair though, and he has a point. Megumi needs to think about himself too! Gojo kinda acknowledges the problem but doesn’t really dig into the root of it. It makes sense Megumi depends on his will to live with his sister especially when he grows up where the supposed “nurturing” adults in his life kinda just toss them aside and leaving Megumi to be unequipped with the perils of growing with just his sister around there for any semblance of being “nurtured.” Thus, overall, this trauma being unaddressed leaves Megumi walking around with repressed issues, and yes, that ridiculous meme of Megumi always pulling out Mahagora due to some inconvenience actually says alot about  his self sacrificial issues and suicidal tendencies.

This issue with Gojo also kinda reflects his falling out with Geto. Gojo sees how the system messed up Geto with what happened to someone innocent like Amanai. Gojo, post star vessel plasma, continues to be himself and getting stronger while of course, Geto spirals down. Gojo was able to pick up signs of Spiralling Geto. However, at the same time, Gojo fails to understand why Geto  spiralled so much because this guy is frustrated with the system he thinks is supposed to protect the weak(“non-sorcerers”) and yet those non sorcerers can also still kill someone innocent like Amanai. On top of that, fellow sorcerers also just keep on dying in the process to protect such people. Is there an ending to this madness? Again, Gojo acknowledges the cruelty of an innocent death due to spending time with Amanai, but he doesn’t dig deep into it especially how it affected Geto's psyche because Geto is someone who deeply feels/ connects with people the same way he was able to be friends with a big brat like high school Gojo. 

Wait, so how does this entire thing again connect to nostalgia? Gojo’s whole past with Geto is filled with nostalgia that in some sense he kinda doesn’t stop to think and reflect about the bad parts about it like how Geto spiralled and how their friendship is tested. That’s the whole thing about nostalgia, how it gives us an idealized and romanticized version of the past. That nostalgia is Gojo being filled with a sense of comradery with Geto, someone as strong as him, he rarely experienced in his “it’s lonely to be the top” life. In some sense, it looks like Gojo just tryna recapture that nostalgic feeling/romanticized past with his whole “I will raise people stronger than me so they can change the system.” As if he’s whole solution to that fallout with Geto is that if maybe Geto’s only “stronger” maybe he could have power through his trauma and that whole spiralling thing never gets to happen.

SOURCE (for the sake of more accurate translation)

It’s like if his kids are raised strong, stronger than him, then they will push through ANYTHING and kick out the old grumpy higher ups with no problem. The highlight here is strength alone. However, as we see in Megumi (and even Yuta), he isn’t that case, and it ended up him being in a vulnerable position. Megumi was able to get back to his sister after some killing spree but still ends up getting his body snatched away from him due to failure to communicate with his sister, stemming from his unaddressed issues. Yuuji can only think of himself as a cog of the system, another child soldier they can use. Yuta, also one of the students that Gojo is seen to also mentor, ends up being HEAVILY affected, but I will dedicate another meta post about him because he’s the star of jjk 261 afterall.

Gojo’s type of thinking probably come from being raised in a system where they refused to see these kids as individual humans with feelings and emotions but just weapons. Also, his whole trauma with the Toji fight made him build literally and figuratively walls towards people, and he pigeonholed himself deeper into that “The Strongest” position. Gojo then says a lot of “no one can take away their youth..” but then forgets that these kids are already put into the ringer because they are CHILD soldiers. It’s the same way he doesn’t understand about Geto, who despite being the strongest with him, can still lash out from his trauma. Like sure yes, Gojo probably meant despite living with this shitty system, he wants that there’s still a “speck” of youth in his kids. It’s like back when he was in high school again when being the strongest duo leaves them untouchable for a moment that they can throw around their weight and be still the kids they are, but then life has to happen and they have their falling out.  It goes to show how nostalgia lenses are pretty heavy on Gojo’s eyes that especially now where we are seeing Geto panels when we get to hear his thoughts. He never gets to move on, and it’s dangerous because it self-destructs him.

It comes to the point that his students were literally offering to help him, asking him to open up that Gojo just immediately shuts them down because again, he’s stuck with the thinking that only Geto alone can be the Strongest with him, the only one who can bare the burden of being the strongest with him. Isn’t Gojo’s whole point to raise a whole generation who can become pillars of support with him? Then why, why are you still thinking of “catching up” to Geto? 

All in all, It’s constantly one step forward and backward with Gojo’s case like yes okay you acknowledge the problem and you’re trying to learn from it, but his actions doesn’t echo in actively changing it, and you know what? It makes him such a real and compelling character! He uses his past experience as a learning experience but his nostalgia surrounding it kinda bars him from fully learning from it. He himself fails to think that he’s also raised a child soldier, and there’s trauma comes with being wielded as The strongest ever since a child, thus emotionally stunting him. This mindset now gets unintentionally passed to his student who just ends up repeating the cycle.

[lavandula-ipsum]

The rain will hide us

gif by @tatooineknights

Summary: Stranded on an unkown planet, you've fallen sick. Thankfully, Luke is there with you. However, you might not be the only one in need of care.

Wordcount: 2.3k

Tags: Luke Skywalker x GN!Reader, force sensitive reader, comfort, fluff, mentions of injuries, one-shot. Angst somehow got in.

The paleness of the morning starts to filtrate through the tent, drawing the dark little spots left by quiet raindrops. Their clatter serves as a gentle wake up call while, outside, an unexplored jungle sleeps.

“How are you feeling?” Before you can even shift in your sleeping bag, Luke has already turned his attention to you, lying a kind hand on your shoulder. For a second, you miss the times when you could have just watched him for a couple of minutes before choosing to signal that you’re awake.

Truth is you feel like shit. A trash compactor could have chewed and spit you out while you were unconscious for all you know. At the effort of answering his question, a raspy whine leaves your sore throat. “Better.”

He’s sitting next to you, not very convinced. There’s urgency tingling the tips of his fingers, you can feel it through the Force. “Is it okay if I check?”

An almost imperceptible shivery note haunts his voice. In the dark circles under his eyes you can sense a long and rough night. You nod. Even though you can feel the last remnants of sickness haven't completely faded from your exhausted body, the back of his hand is warm against your burning cheek and forehead. With an alleviated sigh, Luke finally lets his hand slide down your arm.

“You still have a fever, but it isn’t as high anymore.”

“What happened?”

“Do you remember the crash?”

“A little. I remember the battle, the evacuation when the ship went down.” The mission you embarked on seems to have failed spectacularly. You try to sweep away the thoughts of your fallen comrades, at least till you get back and get to know for sure how many of them are actually gone. “We got into the same escape pod and… this atmosphere messed with the navigation systems, I guess.” You grumble, rubbing the side of your head. “Why don’t I remember much after that?”

“You were trapped in the wreckage for a few minutes. I couldn’t take you out earlier. (Y/N), I’m so sorry. You got some cuts and superficial burns. Perhaps a broken rib.” Oh, so that’s what the bandages are for. And probably why you’ve been stripped down to your standard issue underwear. Suddenly, Luke avoids your gaze and an uncomfortable ripple flutters through the Force, but you’re too distracted frowning at the new scratch across his cheek.

“Did you get hurt?”

“No, I’m fine. But you… You were feverish the whole night.” He continues, bringing the med kit closer to show you a box of painkillers, an empty stim canister, an open tube of pomade, anxious to let you know everything he gave you while you were unconscious.

“It’s ok.” You set your hand over his to stop his nervous tinkering through the med kit. “I trust you, Luke. How many times have we done this? Tell me, what happened next?”

He licks his lips, then looks down at his hands. “You became really sick.”

“I’m sorry. I must have scared you. This is all my fault.” You groan before he can start giving you a thousand reasons why it isn’t. “It really is. I knew I was already sick before the mission. It was just a cold two days ago, but I guess it made me more vulnerable to whatever I caught here.”

Luke shifts closer to you, suddenly alarmed. “Why did you come to this mission then? Why didn’t you say anything?”

You remember those agonizing moments when he didn’t show up at the rendezvous point after the battle of Hoth, gone to Force knows where, while you were left alone wondering if he’d been killed. Turns out he’d just left on his own. It’s not as if he owed you any explanation, you were merely friends. He's fated to go out there and do things so far greater than anything having to do with you. So you tried to slap yourself out of this silly anxiety. After all, the others were gone with the Falcon too, and you had to resign yourself to the faith that they'd be alright. 

And then Luke came back, his body battered and his spirit broken worse than you’d ever seen before or since.

Shyly, you slide your fingers out of your cover. He quickly holds them in between his palms. You’re sure the sky outside the tent would pale in comparison with the intensity of his tired gaze right now, glassy and blue. And yet, all you manage to conjure in response is a lie.

“I wanted to feel useful. The Rebellion needs all the hands it can get.” 

If he realizes, he doesn’t say anything. He just leans in to warm your cold hand with his breath. Luke might not be a full Jedi just yet, but he can probably sense how tired you are of this game of claiming guilt for everything, of just rambling around the edges of what neither of you feel brave enough to say. He just knows you that inescapably well.

For now, the tent has become quiet, so quiet you can even hear him swallow. After a second of allowing yourself to stare at the muscles of his neck tense up and relax with the motion, you look down and sink your flaming face into the sleeping bag.

Against his advice, you sit up. The chill bites your exposed skin, setting a feverish tremor within your chest. However, you don’t let him make you settle back into the bedding.

“Can I say something without it turning into another exchange of apologies?” you ask. Noticing your sudden eagerness, he nods. However, his hands remain close, as if you were about to collapse. “Thank you for saving my life. Truly.”

He seems about to reply with some excuse, probably minimizing himself once again, but you raise a warning finger along with a threatening expression. It makes him laugh, brighter than he’s laughed in months. It lasts too little for your taste, but at least the smile lingers on his face.

“Ok, you win this one. Now, that pomade needs to be reapplied.”

After taking a panicked second to realize what he’s asking, you turn slightly so he can get better access to the burn, which covers the back of your shoulder and part of your right arm. Luke scooches closer till you’re basically sitting between his legs. You wonder if he notices his warmth setting you aflame, but he seems too busy readying the ointment to even look at you, his eyes half hidden under soft locks of weathered gold. However, a loaded silence falls in the tent, during which you feel the urge to cover your front with the sleeping bag. 

“It’s gonna feel a little cold,” he warns before touching you, his voice barely audible.

You had already made up your mind to behave and not show any sign of discomfort, but you need to turn away to hide your face. Honestly, you’re not sure if it’s the painkillers or the surreal ambience around you, but you swear you’ve never been treated by gentler hands. As they work to spread the medicine, you hold yourself together barely enough to not just let go and plop yourself on his lap. You feel beyond beaten, and over your head a thick cloud keeps your judgment in a state of relaxed lethargy. Truth is his welcoming stance, along with the way his fingers caress your tender skin as he softly talks you through the process, isn’t helping your already lazy resolve.  

“I’m so glad, it doesn’t seem like it got infected. I think there’s a chance it won’t leave a scar once we can get you proper treatment back in the fleet.”

You hum half heartedly in response, doing your best to join in the effort to evade the silence instead of entertaining the thought that you don’t actually want to go back. Because he wouldn’t be with you then. Luke has been avoiding the fleet since Bespin, and you've made up your mind to follow him for as long as he wants you around.

“Have you been awake the whole night? Meditating?”

“Not meditating. Standing guard.”

When he finishes up your new bandages, you hear the rustling of knots coming undone and, right after, you’re covered with Luke’s outer robe. Apparently, your top had to be cut off your body when he first tended to your wounds. As he helps drape the garment around your shoulders and slide your arms into the sleeves careful to not graze your wounds, the warmth it still bears surrounds you. Ah, it smells like him too. 

Luke seems ready to offer an excuse to quiet your concerns over his lack of sleep, but it fizzles out before your demanding frown. A pained flare crosses behind his eyes as his Force signature heats up around you. He doesn’t mean to leave you out of his thoughts, he truly doesn’t. It’s just that lately they’ve been a mess not even he has felt ready to untangle. And, if he’s not ready to talk, you won’t push him. However, this silence is a little needle to your heart, and the jab reaches him when it becomes too painful for you to hide.

“I tried to meditate until I had to give up. I couldn’t find the peace for it. You were trembling and twisting in your sleep, burning with fever… mumbling things.”

“Were they embarrassing?” you joke, trying to lift the mood a little. However, instead of following you down that path, you feel a little tug. He’s lightly pulling at the edge of your sleeve, well, his.

“Don’t leave me. Please, stay.”

The pressure around your wrist makes it sound like an apology. Why? For letting you fall sick? For leaving you behind and going to Dagobah on his own? You’re getting tired of riddles, and you’re already trembling from the effort of sitting up straight. Your hand lands on his shoulder, a gesture that seems to finally break him out of his spiraling thoughts and look at you.

“And you did. You stayed.”

An exhalation later, you’re buried in his chest. It’s hard to tell who initiated the hug when you’re enthralled by how melting into each other makes everything else melt away. Luke’s hands travel down your hair, and you wonder when taking in this soothing became as easy as breathing. Well, not exactly. There needs to be a spell, a certain quietness to the air like the one flooding the tent right now. Melancholy is usually the trigger, the signature to the wordless contract between the two of you that grants you permission to indulge in this kind of comfort. Later you’d usually dream awake about it, lost in the memory of what feels forbidden during the daylight. It aches a little that at least one of you needs to be in some kind of pain to feel allowed this kind of intimacy. 

A sigh brushes against your ear as Luke barely dares to talk in a whisper. “What if I can’t do this?” 

“Don’t worry, the Rebellion knows we’re here, we’ll be out of here in no time…”

“Not that. It’s about-” The words get lost as they’re spilled from his lips. Luke lets out a shaky breath before sinking deeper into your hair. “Everything.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“You always do.” 

“And listen, I truly believe there’s a special path ahead of you. A bright one. However, no matter what happens, even if things go wrong, I’ll be here. I mean- we all will. We’ll love you all the same.”

You nuzzle up closer against him, prompting a pleased sigh out of him. 

“I’ve been leaning on you too much.”

You chuckle, “how so? You just saved me in, like, five different ways just during the last twelve hours.”

“What you do is way more difficult.”

A hand cradles your head close to his chest, while his other arm surrounds you. And, as the silence settles once again, you finally feel him relax around you as your hands travel up his back. Through his thin inner tunic, the heartbeat pressed against your cheek allows itself to slow down a little. 

“You take a nap now. I’ll keep watch.”

“You’re hurt,” he complains. “And sick.”

“I’ll have a blaster at hand and wake you up as soon as I hear anything outside, I swear.” You hush him before he can complain. “Do I need you to remind you of your instruction, commander? If you don’t rest you’ll compromise the mission.”

“And what mission is that?”

“Get back to base, safe and sound. And stick together until then.”

Luke brushes your cheek with his thumb, as if to check again if your fever has gone down enough to leave the task to you. “Yeah, I might be able to do that.”

So you get back in the sleeping bag so as to not get cold, and he lays down over it next to you. He does so a bit skittish at first, so you interlock his fingers with yours and guide him down to the most comfortable spot, next to you. Soon, exhaustion defeats any remaining fear and Luke feels brave enough to wrap an arm around you. Soon, sleep has taken him.With your heart coming to a halt, you finally dare to take in his features. Even though a shadow of worry still darkens his brow, his features look softer than you’ve seen lately. It takes you back to those early days in the Rebellion when you weren’t nearly as close, but talking seemed easier. So you stay awake, treasuring every deep breath and the faint rainfall in the background, until the distant buzz of the Millennium Falcon fades the spell away.

link to the source gifset

[qiutls]

TNGDH 001

I became a hamster. No wonder I thought I was hearing squeaks last night, it turned out to be like this. Shiny golden fur that doesn’t lose its light even in the dark. Four lovely pink-tinted feet. Long whiskers that twitch whenever I move my cheeks. The black curtains flutter and the light leaks in from the steel cage hitting my eyes. Wait a minute… a steel… cage? A cage?! ― Eek. (Why?) I didn’t just become a hamster. I became a hamster that’s been trapped somewhere. * Thud. Thud. Thud. The cage I was in suddenly shook heavily and my small body rolled around in different directions as the cage kept moving. Who is it?! Who the hell drives like this?! Can’t you drive safely! Thump. My body sways to the corner again and I feel my butt stinging from falling too many times. Then I heard a horse sniffing, it felt thrilling to think that I was going to ride a horse. However, it only felt thrilling for a bit before I thought, It seems like I’m gonna be meeting King Yeomra. King Yeomra is the King of the underworld, hamster thinks he'll die because of the cage being shaken. Where the hell are we going? Why did I become a hamster? And why the hell are we not riding a bus or a train, but riding a horse? This is unfair, I feel so wronged. It’s so absurd that I have to explain, it’s so obvious that I’m a human not a hamster! That’s right I’m human! Bae Soohyun. I’m turning 27 this year. Even though my life was like a thorny path, I am a small mugwort that didn’t give up and kept living. It was a life where it seemed like I kept working day, night, dawn, early in the morning, from Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday to Thursday to Friday to Friday to Friday… But I had no doubt that my hard work would pay off. After years of hard work, it seems the day has finally come. The day when the game I developed became a big hit. I think it’s dead. Dead… That’s right… I died. After the earlier confusion of becoming a hamster has passed, my memories slowly started to come back. The game became popular and it felt like the son I was raising finally became successful. I was finally able to receive the first batch of settlement money thanks to the game. I rushed back home feeling so happy that I could fly. Rattle. The cage suddenly shook as the horse started moving. And I started shaking back and forth, my head felt like it was going to pop and my eyes slowly lost shine as I felt dizzier and dizzier. Are you kidding me?! I kicked the cage a few times hoping for the shaking to stop and then heard a voice not so distant. “I’m sorry.” An unfamiliar, deep yet friendly voice. “Just endure it for a little bit more.” But why did it feel like I’ve heard this line somewhere before. I’m sorry, just endure it for a little bit more. I’ll take you to your new home soon. It suddenly came to mind. While walking at the crossing on my way home, I bumped into a child who seemed anxious while carrying a hamster cage, then a car hit my body. I instinctively felt my death then, all my senses were occupied by the fact that I was hit by a car, and my consciousness started fading away. Twinkle. In front of my eyes something glistened brightly. Wait a minute, what’s that blue thing… [ Hello World! ] I was stunned by the blue system filling up my field of vision. A familiar phrase, the most basic sentence someone with programming knowledge would know. This is the very first phrase you learn to code when you start programming. Then, several windows came up one after another.

[ Connection confirmed. Checking data. ] [ Determining quest. ] [ Calculating miracle value. ] [ Synchronization not complete. Please wait. ] [ Synchronization 0% complete. ] What does this mean? Data? Quest? Synchronization? Since the moment I woke up, this ridiculous situation started and kept going, I didn’t even get the chance to be surprised. While in a daze, the horse which had been rattling the cage non-stop suddenly fell silent and the owner of the voice earlier seemed to get off the horse. The tumultuous movement stopped, but I still felt nauseous. The cold wind blew into the cage, and I shivered. Suddenly, I heard another distant voice. “Your Highness, are you sure you don’t want to throw it out?” Your… Highness? First I rode a horse, now someone’s talking to a royal. These are words that you wouldn’t even hear in 21st century Korea. The term “Your Highness” is only something I heard as a child watching sageuk dramas. Then the deep voice I heard earlier replied. Sageuk is a k-drama genre in which characters wear historical costumes. “It’s a pup that was left alone by the horde, don’t you feel it’s a bit pitiful?” pup - baby hamster / horde - group of baby hamsters “What pity, Your Highness? It’s a child of a demonic beast, when it grows up,it will learn to seduce its prey.” I looked down at my small and round body, what do you mean seduce? Is this body even capable of seducing? In the first place, I’m not even a demonic beast, just a normal hamster, no I mean human! Heh, you’re quite convincing using that serious voice of yours, but you’re obviously joking! The man with the deep voice suddenly cut through my thoughts. “It’s still a child.” “A child of a demonic beast, Your Highness.” “That’s right, a child.” “Your Highness, the most important thing is that it’s a demonic beast!” That… Can you please stop referring to me as a child. It’s weird… While I was grumbling away my frustrations, I heard the man speak, this time anger laced his voice. “Are you questioning my decision?” He spoke words that could normally be taken lightly yet the way he enunciated it word by word felt like a threat, and that there was only one correct answer. “No, Your Highness, I was just momentarily confused since such a thing has never happened before. How dare I question the Grand Prince’s decision.” “Right. So, I’ll take care of it, surely you don’t think I am weaker than a demonic beast that’s barely the size of my fist?” You’re telling me he’s not just a royal, he’s the Grand Prince? “I already sent a man to the estate to prepare it's house, it would be fun to add little ornaments with it.” “Your Highness, you can also raise a real hamster, should I tell the man to prepare another one?” “No. Don’t test my patience.” “…Yes” This person is quite stubborn huh.

Soon the cage started shaking again, this time as the man walked, I could hear his armor rattling and his heavy footsteps rang. Then I felt the air around me get warmer little by little as he marched up the stairs.

It must be winter. Yet I died during summer, now I realize the abnormality of the situation. The man took me to a room and then removed the cloth covering the cage.

“Here we are.” I crouched in a corner and pretended to be asleep desperately. Somehow it felt like the smart thing to do, I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to tell him about my situation. Even if I told him, who’s to say he will not decapitate me for spewing nonsense.

How did my life become like this! Give me back my money! My skills! My future that was unfolding brilliantly! “Tsk. Tsk.” The man clicked his tongue, then he sighed deeply. Hey! I’m the one who’s supposed to be sad at this situation, why are you the one clicking your tongue! Ah, I really hate when people do that… Oh right, I was pretending to be asleep… Sleep… “Does it really not have a human heart?” He murmured.

What human heart? What is he talking about? “Looking at these naive eyes, before it turned into a demonic beast, did it really not have the heart of a human?” N-naive? Which eyes looked naive? Surely it’s not mine? “That’s right, for them there’s no such thing as compassion... Did I stay away from the North for too long? It’s no different from a glacier, it’s freezing. Tsk.” Suddenly, the man opened the cage, stretched out his hand and caught me in his palm.

― Eek! I was so surprised I forgot I was pretending to sleep, as I opened my eyes, I made eye contact with him.

[ 50% synchronized. ]

[ Kyle Jane Minehardt. Great Duke of Blake. ]

The blue system window showed up below his face. Hold on, this name, I’ve heard of it somewhere. Without knowing what was in my head the whole time, he raised me closer to his face. I felt his warm hand full of scars and calluses against my soft fur. Then he rubbed my cheek.

E-excuse me?! “You did well enduring the ride home, cashew nut, you must’ve been bored the whole way.” Bored? The ride was full of shock and horror for me, okay?! Wait, aside from that, can’t you put me down first? What the hell is this situation, why did you suddenly remove me from the cage… Wait! No! Don’t peck me! ― Squeak! Eek!  [ Let me go! ]

“Yes, yes, I know how you feel.” What do you know… You don’t understand a thing! Ack! Why’s he kissing me like he’s dying of love! A kiss… ― Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!  [ You bastard! What kind of dog kisses nonstop like you?! ]

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.” ― Squeak! [ Get lost! ] “Did you like being kissed?” I can’t take this anymore!

Wait a minute… This face… I took a moment to observe all his features, his pale yet tough complexion, distinct eyebrows, his hair that’s dark as a raven, his eyes which glowed crimson. A cold and resolute beauty.

― Eek! [ Grand Duke Blake ] I remember. The Duke of the North, Kyle. A supporting actor from the novel, The Heart of Winter, I always read while traveling to and from my company. Not only was he a supporting actor, he’s a supporting actor that dies in the middle of the novel. A man who’s life was miserable from start to finish, yet died with no regrets. The reason why I remember him, and not the protagonists of the story, was that he’s the unluckiest character in the novel. He was unlucky to the extent that I lamented his cold fate many times.

So, I died, and transmigrated into a novel? “Cashew nut?” Cashew nut, my name, I mean the name of the hamster’s body I’m occupying. Kyle stared at me, he seemed to be worried as if something went wrong. His gaze was warm and full of kindness.

Stop looking at me! This bastard, you’re gonna pierce through me with that stare! I’m just worn out… I flicked my head away from his stare, and turned back to glare at him. I tried my hardest to look as mean as possible.

“That look…” It’s scary right?! You’re so afraid you could die, right? I look like a dangerous demon, don’t I?! So put me down!!! You kiss crazed bastard! [ Cold and strict personality. Clean and thorough. Frigid and Merciless. ] “You look so cute, staring at me like that.” Aren’t you the cold blooded Duke of the North?! Let go of me! What do you mean cold and strict?! What merciless? ― Squeak! [ Let go! ]

Yet the Duke didn’t let me down for a long time and I had to put up with the crazy kisses the he bestowed.

Help me, please! Save this hamster!

novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[earlymorningfoxhunt]

Hello, we're a system/collective who started listening to Malevolent on June 7th, 2024, and boy did it hit close to home! not only because of the jarthur body sharing blues, but also johns individual experience with his identity made us feel seen in a way we haven't felt before.

the way john has to figure out what differentiates himself from both arthur and hastur, despite feeling trapped behind arthurs eyes and chained to hastur heart, aligns with our experiences... a lot. so we've been making a compilation for the past month that includes all of the moments that made us go OOORRG as well as different folks commentaries (mostly consisting of us going OOORRG). this is going to be long as shit because this entire show is this.

also if your a system/collective who likes malevolent: PLEASE put ur favorite moments/ur thoughts

and if you haven't listened to malevolent: hey, you should give it a try and then come cry to me about it :D

A Compilation Of Malevolent Moments That Hit Differently As A System:

The Caves: (34:59-35:20)

during their argument john laughs while arthur trips over things

hehehe ya

The Path: (43:06-44:05)

johns questioning if he's feeding off of arthurs emotions or if hes learning them for himself, new split type beat, trying to figure out where each other start and end.

"we are of two minds, and more and more im realizing two souls as well. there's a bleed over effect but you are something entirely your own, john."

The Fall:

oh my god this episode. this man got so fucking pissed, not at john for rubbing the death of arthurs child in his face, but at arthur pulling host rank???? i was like ya buddy you can rot in a pit for a few months, mf you cant do that!! we we're listening to this at work and we were so pissed

The King: (35:00-36:25)(45:18-48:57)

its the first time arthur talks for him and its the first time he feels johns tears.

arthurs confrontation with the king and the feeling of no matter how much you hate each other, you're going to have each others back. for us personally it feels like a sucker punch to the gut every time he says "because i cant lose another person!"

The Unconquerable:

when we wrote down the title we didnt know why the episode resonated with us, but now I come back to it a month later as a yellow introject. we have horrid memory issues on top of memory issues, so it hurts something familiar to see the state yellow is in when he gets thrown into arthur. not knowing who or where he is but still trying to hold the cards, arthurs disappointment that hes not who he wanted him to be. its a new kind of painful. its the odd solace that comes from a shattered mirror.

we see arthurs frustration but its almost nice to be able to hate him for not giving yellow more grace.

The Train: (4:19-8:10)

I have literally told this guy he looks 80lbs sopping wet before, this entire episode is perfect. the bickering, the team work, the having to navigate socializing, it feels so nice

The Tear: (12:14-22:48)

ya...

The Detective: [(3:50-7:05) (10:40-14:58)] (28:09-28:18)

we made the mistake of listening to this on the way to getting tacos and we just had to sit in the parking lot, crying as john got to be seen for the first time by an ally. I've never had the experience myself(others in our system are out tho) but seeing it go well for him sparked something in me, enough that it pulled us to front for the past few weeks. that, w. it was a very important moment to us

and on a completely different vibe, "have you ever... before?" fuckin "well with out my excellent call outs" silly guy

The Order II: (23:26-24:00)

huh? oh hes not talking to us

The Witch: [(16:11-17:24) (25:30-26:56) (29:00-33:17)]

the whole episode honestly, start to finish.

no, im not including the ending speech it makes me physically ill

WITCH: This woman cared for you?

JOHN: Yes. 

WITCH: Lies! She cared for your mortal!

JOHN: He couldn’t hear her! I was the one who received her care, her kindness, her –

WITCH: Intended for another!

JOHN: What does that matter!? She knew no difference between me or him! She knew nothing of the soul that heard her, whether it was… (He sighs in frustration.) It was the same care. The same… compassion. 

UUUUUUUUUGGGGG

Honorary Mentions:

all of johns memory issues in season 4:

how every time he came back he would be defensive saying "right, i knew that!" even when he didn't remember, that's a classic.

Intermezzo: (5:00-5:46)

kayne and his many many voices/me not me/ its not about the names were given its about the names we choose

every time jarthur says we/our

The King:

"well at least thats what the loudest voice in my head says" ya? and how many voices are in there?

[winterspiderpurrs]

Runaway Bucky who escaped Hydra living in a random forest and staying in an abandoned cabin or something taking care of another runaway Hydra assassin, Peter who grew up in Hydra. Bucky just grabbed him and ran when he fled. Peter doesn’t much or understand the outside world very well and is more quiet than Bucky, but clingy. Just them doing things in the woods and Bucky taking care of Peter

It's been a few months since the asset was able to remove himself and other asset from the facility. Two stolen planes, one helicopter, and hand full of cars. After breaking into a closed mall, they were able to get enough supplies, they hiked for several weeks before coming to a cabin.

The cabin has been abandoned years ago, the stove and sink reminiscent of the early 1900s. It wasn't on any map that he could find, no roads lead to the cabin. He ordered the other asset to secure the place.

Asset known as Spider was younger then him, he was enhanced like himself but his skills set more unique. No limbs amputation, but he did had metal plates secured along his ribs. Each plate had an input slot, where mechanical spider arms could be inserted or where they would hook up the Spider to the chair.

They were trained/ programmed to assess, kill, and survive if they were ordered. Which is why the first seveal days at the cabin they created a protective perimeter around the cabin. Early warning systems of cans and bells to alert them if someone was getting close. Fixed the hole in the roof and fixed the siding in a few places. They cut down a vast amount of trees so they could have firewood. They set traps for food.

But over time, Bucky was amazed at his companion. While he could assess most things, he was confused by others. He was constantly in awe of the nature around them.

" I don't know if I've seen nature like this"

" Asset doesn't sleep on the floor? I get a blanket?"

Bucky knew his companion came to Hydra later and had a young age. He still bore the scars of the early experiments he had to endure. He was a curious creature to Bucky. One time, Bucky brought him back a small trinket. A small lego. And when he saw the bright smile and look of wonder on the Spiders face.

Bucky swore he would do everything he could to protect him. And when the opportunity happened to escape? He did not hesitate in killing the group of men stopping him from gathering his spider up. It was easy to do, as the spider was programmed to take orders and follow the winter soldier at all costs.

" Soldier. What is Christmas?"

Bucky paused mid swing, he was chopping wood with an axe. He frowned and thought

" It is a holiday that gets celebrated in December"

"Oh.... what is a Holiday?"

" It's a day taken to celebrate different occasions"

" Like a birthday?"

" Similar yes."

They worked in silence for a while, the spider placing a log down, Bucky chops it, spider gathers a bundle to stack.

" Soldier"

"Yes?"

" What is a Barnes?"

Bucky drops the axe and turns to stare at the spider. Who looks back at him before his spider points to something on the cabin. Right above the stack of cut-up firewood was a small sign.

'BARNES CABIN'

Bucky stares and stares at the sign. He hears whispers in the back of his mind. Glimpses of images, a younger version of himself, two adults, lots of siblings running around, and a small skinny blonde tagging along. Shaking his head.

" It is... me... my name"

The spider blinks and looks at the sign and then back.

" From before? Before.... the facility?"

Bucky nods.

His spider tilts his head, a look of concentration on his face, before he nods, too.

" I think.... Peter is what I was before... before the facility"

When they first escape, Bucky had to explain to his spider, Peter, now that he was not created in the facility. No, they were both born outside of the facility.

And Hydra... they don't speak the word anymore. There are too many memories triggered by the word. So now they just say the facility. The facility changed them, made them into weapons, and took away their free will.

Took away their names. Took them away and replaced them with The Winter Soldier and much later The Spider.

It started snowing, Bucky walked up to Peter and wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

"Let's get inside... Peter. We need to start a fire."

" And have the chocolate hot?"

Bucky chuckles.

" Yes. We can have the hot chocolate drink"

[forallnumbersosc]

HEYYY!!!! I've been wanting to ask you a question about Donut since he had the Factor of Four and all. Does he act or look different from the other contestants?? Like does he have some things on his appearence or have habits that the algebralian also have???

Sorry If this question isn't really the type of thing you answer, Im just really curious about what you think abt this!!!!!!

OOOH anonymous I am SO glad you asked that because I finally get an excuse to introduce the wild world ooooof...

Algebralien Mathematical Operations!!

[this is another long one, so if you're just looking for Donut's dilemma, it'll be at the bottom of this ramble!]

So it is a bit of common knowledge that algebraliens, namely numerical-based ones have the ability to be added, subtracted, and all other manners of mathematical operations!

For simplicity's sake, I will leave variable and geometrical subspecies of algebraliens for a different discussion, since their ability to combine is pretty nuanced...

But essentially, the process of factorization (such as what happened to Donut) and other operations boil down to the reactionary ability for algebraliens forms to combine with anything that resembles a number and is within a threshold of a similar size to them, while also in the presence of anything that resembles a mathematical operator.

Biologically, the most we know about the process is that it boils down to the malleability of algebralien physical forms, where the 'bralien(s) subject to the operation reduce to a liquid-esque form and combine with whatever they are paired with.

It's a process that is completely innate to us, and will always occur when the right conditions are met, regardless of whether or not the algebralien(s) present are intending to let it happen or not!

Something unique about this process comes with anything that utilizes the number zero and mathematically results in a zero, such as dividing zero by a number, multiplying any number by zero, etc. will cause the non-zero algebralien to become trapped deeply within the zero. They are essentially immobilized, and it takes them quite a while for them to escape on their own, and it may even be impossible without assistance!

Because of this property, algebraliens with a value of zero often are given the role of those who keep peace and justice in algebralien societies... It doesn't happen often that an algebralien causes enough issues to warrant being sealed away within a zero, but I did record an interview on a relatively recent case where a rambunctious algebralien was dead set on causing pretty serious harm and was dealt with by being sealed in a zero...

In Donut's case, his situation was pretty unique... since he vaguely resembled a zero, it was just enough to complete the equation and combine him with Four, but it led to some... strange side effects...

I can't go back in time to investigate further, and we aren't at the point where we feel safe to test any other factorizations with number-shaped objects, but I have a theory that Four's liquid form caused some sort of bond with Donut's body, (specifically the cardiovascular, nervous, and limbic systems) and changed both his appearance and his attitude a bit, as well as giving him a few abilities typical of Algebraliens such as gravity manipulation and spatial distortion...

When I interviewed Donut about his experience, he says his memory is a bit fuzzy, but he remembers feeling strangely mischevious and VERY confident... Perhaps Four's personality blended a little with his own alongside the abilities he acquired...

[badaziraphaletakes]

In which some poor innocent unsuspecting reader submitted an ask and I respond by throwing an entire textbook at them

Like seriously i won’t even be upset if no one reads this PhD dissertation, like actually what is wrong with me omg

The ask:

I want to start by saying I love this account and really appreciate the rebuttals I see here to some of the messed up stuff the fandom’s spit out over the past few years. That being said, the most recent post about “the creepiest take you’ve ever seen,” was one I disagreed with strongly. It’s entirely normal to enjoy watching media where characters have breakdowns. It is not a desire to see a person breakdown. It is a desire to watch a good story.

(Edit: Just realized I somehow omitted to include the full text of the ask here. I apologize for the error! Will fix it soon. -Mod X)

My response:

Hi and thank you for your kind words! (Also idk why there is this huge gap in the text here, sorry haha!) If it were a necessary part of the story, or a part of the story that made sense, I would agree. But it’s not necessary (esp not at this point in the story) and therefore wouldn’t be “good”, if we are defining good art as being emotional truthful, which I imagine is a pretty uncontroversial definition.

Side note: We already saw him have this exact shattering breakdown in Uz. So that renders most of what I am about to say (and arguably some of what you have said) somewhat moot. But I’m going to continue anyway because some of the points brought up here touch on issues that I think bear re-visiting often.

It’s cathartic, it’s engaging, and it helps people who’ve been through the same thing see themselves reflected. For example, I like watching someone on tv hit rock bottom with their addiction because I’ve been through that, and seeing them finally realize they have to work on recovery and actually do it is motivating and empowering.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. I haven’t (although I am estranged from an entire side of my family due to alcoholism and meth addiction, which is a whole fun thing), so I can’t comment on this too much.

But addiction is not the same as an ab*sive relationship. (I do have knowledge of those, both from life experience and from my previous job in ab*se research. I edited a newsletter about family violence research for several years.) Seeing a person suffering from addiction realize they want to work on recovery, and realize that the substance they are addicted to is messing up their life, can make sense. Especially if they're in a place where they're able to work on it and have the opportunity to try to change.

But seeing an ab*se survivor “realize they need to get away from their ab*ser because they’re evil and have a breakdown about it” doesn’t make sense, because being trapped in an absive situation is not about “motivation” or what they think about the abser or even, really, about "empowerment". (Side note that word is thrown a lot to delude women into thinking our capitalist system is working for us rather than oppressing us. But I digress.) It boils down to the fact that they are in danger if they leave. The situation is not within their control.

(This next part is not directed at you, but at the general readership, in case this is helpful discussion for anyone: A lot of addictions aren’t within people's control at all either. It depends very much on the drug we’re talking about, the health of the individual, the quantity and duration of the addiction, whether the person has access to the healthcare they need to be cured, and whether there’s a way for them to get free from the broader societal dysfunctions that led to them being trapped in this situation in the first place.)

Also, with addiction, people can absolutely get past that without losing their sense of self and their identity. If they go through that kind of crisis in the process of healing from addiction, I would argue that something is very wrong. (Not with them, but with the society around them). In a best-case scenario, a person suffering from addiction would have access to the kind of mental and physical healthcare and support system that lets you get free from that without a shattering breakdown or loss of sense of self.

Besides, not everyone who has an addiction has toxic beliefs about themselves or their own identity or other people, etc etc. (Babies who are born addicted come to mind, if we want to talk about the most extreme example.) So I find the idea that addiction is down to toxic beliefs about one's self very suspect. I would argue that 95% of the time, addiction happens because your life sucks. The mental health community is starting to have this conversation about depression and anxiety - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to work on one's "limiting beliefs" and "destructive thought patterns" can only do so much to help you feel better when your whole life is shit anyway. And it can actually make it WORSE if the victim is made to believe that their depression is the fault of their "Faulty thoughts" rather than a reasonable reaction to a shitty situation. Not necessarily saying we should throw CBT out the window altogether, but I am saying that mental healthcare will be a LOT more effective when it learns to truly take the broader societal context into account. I suspect, I hope, we'll soon be having a simialr conversation around addiction.)

And that’s doubly the case for ab*se survivors. They’re not stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with them that they need to fix. They’re stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with the ab*ser.

Regardless of the victim’s personal worth as an individual, regardless of whether they’re a good person or what-have-you, they don’t deserve to be ab*sed.

(I'm just waiting to hear about how some therapist tells a victim to work on their "limiting belief" that they need to stay with their ab*ser in order not to be killed, and/or tells them that fearing their ab*ser will kill them is a "cognitive distortion", and tells them to stand up to their ab*ser and/or leave, and then the ab*ser kills them. But I digress.)

And the loss of self when separating from a toxic system that’s defined your whole life is a real thing some people go through. It’s not bad consider that Aziraphale could also go through that, or to want to see that experience reflected.

I want to be very clear that I don’t have the smallest objection to people wanting to see that in a show. But a. that’s not what the person was saying, and b. they were also saying it’s necessary. IT’S NOT. I can’t emphasize this enough.

Loss of self is the worst-case scenario for how something like that goes. Nothing good comes from that. That is a side effect of ab*se (because the ab*ser’s the one who says that “Everything you are is bound up in me and you’re nothing with me"), not an integral part of the process of getting away.

Trauma is not necessary for character growth.

The way these things should go is that the person is able to gradually and mindfully work through the beliefs that are poisoning them with the help of a therapist, trusted friends, etc.

I know what I’m talking about. I worked in trauma research for over seven years. Please trust me on this one.

And again, Aziraphale can’t “separate” from them anyway. There’s nowhere he can go where they won’t find him. So his beliefs are irrelevant to his situation. And if the show implies that his beliefs “need to change” as part of the earth being set free from heaven-hell’s tyranny, or that he “needs to change” in order to be free, I will be writing a strongly-worded letter to the creators.

But more importantly, *they didn’t just say giddy.* They also said apprehensive. Perhaps they’re apprehensive because they know it could be painful to watch. Or because they don’t want to see it handled poorly.

“Giddily apprehensive” sounds an awful lot like “excited” to me. I admit it is ambiguous, though, so I’ll give you that one. I maintain that the OP expressed themselves with an exceptional lack of grace, however. And fwiw, they’d be FAR from the first person to want to see Aziraphale suffer because they are mad at him. I think I have good reason to believe that's what they're getting at here, given how many people in the poster's orbit say the same kinds of things and how many other things I've seen the OP say that are along those lines. I acknowledge I should have made that clearer in my original post.

They aren’t giving this advice (if one could call it that) to a human. They’re saying they’re excited to see a character breakdown. Character arcs like that are common and enticing for good reason.

I have yet to see a reason why I should believe that the things people say about Aziraphale are different than the things they say about people in real life.

I would point you to a couple lines down where you say yourself that we respond to characters the same way we respond to real people.

Personal growth ≠ character growth.

But what makes a good character is that they act like real people.

As an audience, character growth (even negative) is engaging.

Yes, absolutely. But we can absolutely do character growth in a way that does not spread harmful mindsets or misinformation about what ab*se and recovery from ab*se looks like. In fact, I would argue that character growth can’t happen if the writer doesn’t write the characters to behave in a way that is realistic to real life.

Characters follow the same rules, though. We respond to characters the same way we respond to real people. The same general rules of personal development and so forth apply.

The idea that “Aziraphale realizes his ab*sers are terrible” is something he needs to do for his “personal development” is highly objectionable. He doesn’t need to grow in this area. He just needs his ab*sers to leave him alone. Side note: We should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he already does think they’re terrible and only stays with them because he is terrified. Even if this hadn’t been strongly and frequently hinted at in every episode going all the way back to S1E1 - almost every scene, in fact - we should still give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, even if we say, for the sake of argument, that Aziraphale was a terrible, awful, horrible person - I know you’re not saying that, to be clear - even then, he still wouldn’t “need to realize his ab*sers are terrible” or “have a complete breakdown” or “lose himself” in order to grow. That's not how growth works. The best growth happens when people are at peace and safe and loved. Not frightened and confused and alone. He never chose them in the first place, he never wanted to be on their side. If he were left alone, he would just spend the rest of eternity reading his books and eating Eccles cakes and snuggling with his former-demon. That’s who he really is. There’s nothing about him as a person that needs to change. I agree a story where a person loses their sense of self after escaping from an ab*sive system would be interesting to watch, but I maintain that it does not make sense for the context of this particular story. And, such a story would NEED to make clear that the person wasn’t bad or wrong for deriving some part of their sense of self from the ab*ser and that they shouldn’t have had to have a catastrophic breakdown in order to develop their own sense of self. No one should have to go through that.

It’s not the same thing as asking for personal growth from a real human being.

Good characters do not operate according to different emotional and psychological rules than we do, though. If they didn't, we wouldn’t have millions of people sobbing about how real Aziraphale and Crowley feel to them. We would be the biggest dodos in the world if we were reacting this way to paper dolls 😄

Comparing the desire to see a character go through a dramatic storyline like that (and to come out of it strong and shining) to fundamentalist rhetoric is… just total bullshit.

You said this blog has been a good place for you and I want it to continue to be that way for you. So I want to give you a chance to revisit this part and see if you can say something more constructive. Because I've gotta admit, this really made me upset and I can't let it go without saying something. It’s not cool to call someone’s commentary “bullsh*t” like this.

I heard the line “we must die to ourselves” many, many times from the high-control religion of my childhood. It is a classic cult line. Hence why so many cults have "burial and rebirth" rituals, make people change their names, etc.

I am not just making up a comparison. This is a real phenomenon. Controlling ab*sers are the ones who’ve given us this idea that “death of the self” is character growth. It’s not. Character growth happens in spite of those excruciating emotional crises, not because of them.

Growing as a person is supposed to feel good overall. Not always easy, but on the whole, it should be a positive experience.

Also - Again, they said he “needs” to do it.

And they didn’t say anything about Aziraphale “coming out strong and shining”. You added that in. I think it's wonderful that you want to see that for him (so do I) but that’s not what this person was saying

If they'd said that, I wouldn't object to it at all. But they didn't. That part was left out. Which I think may be very telling in itself.

There are a myriad of reasons someone could have that desire, including having gone through something similar themselves.

Having gone through something similar doesn’t necessarily mean it makes sense for another character. It also doesn’t mean it’s necessary. And having been through something that went a certain way does NOT mean that it happening that way makes sense for someone else.

Deconstruction from a religious upbringing is different from leaving an ab*sive relationship

Aziraphale doesn’t have religious trauma. (I’m not going to talk much about religious trauma and deconstruction here, because it’s outside the scope of this blog, largely because - as attested by no less an authority than Neil Himself - Good Omens is not about religion. But I’ll say a little bit.)

Heaven and hell are not a “religion” in his world - they’re real. His fear of hell (and of heaven) is absolutely, one hundred percent, completely legitimate and appropriate, and NOT something he should be “reasoned” out of. Saying otherwise gives “your ab*ser isn’t actually that evil and scary”. But regardless, in either scenario, that kind of traumatic personal crisis is not a necessary part of the healing process. My heart aches for all the people whose deconstruction process was emotionally shattering. But what makes it ache even more is how for so many of them, the takeaway is somehow that that kind of crisis is necessary - rather than "dear god, i hope no one else ever has to go through that kind of hideous experience to get away from their shitty religion", which surely is what the takeaway should be (assuming there even is a lesson to be learned at all from an experience like that, which is doubtful) - and they go on to demand it of other survivors and gatekeep against people who haven't gone through the exact same thing they did in the process of getting away.

How, HOW did we get to a point where so many people’s deconstruction is a fucked-up, scarring experience that we think it’s inevitable for deconstruction to be that way????? I grieve.

I know the idea of killing one’s old self is inherently wrong to many people.

It’s not about whether it’s *wrong*. If that's valid for someone and they get where they need to be - you do you. It’s about the fact that it’s painful and it’s unnecessary to the process of growth.

Furthermore, it is the kind of thing ab*sers WANT to see happen to their victims when they leave. They want victims to think that they have to have that kind of crisis if they want to leave them. Because then they’re less likely to leave. When we encourage that kind of thinking, we are playing directly into their hands.

What should happen is that the victim should be given the opportunity to realize that all along there was much more to them than their ab*ser.

I don’t personally desire to watch Aziraphale do that, especially because there are so many wonderful aspects of the Angel he’s been since the beginning

Agreed.

But fwiw, this is giving a faint whiff of perfect victim syndrome. Even if he were an asshole, he still deserves to just have his ab*sers leave him alone, not to have some kind of shattering, soul-crushing emotional breakdown. They will always, always be worse than him.

but it’s not wrong to want to see that. People do go through it, and their stories are incredibly compelling.

I don’t disagree. For me it’s rather about the place this is coming from. OP was saying it’s necessary. There’s a difference between wanting to see a show address this issue overall because it’s interesting, and demanding that a specific character go through it because you think it’s necessary, or that their process of leaving and healing won't be legitimate (or whatever word we wanna use) if it doesn't happen.

And, as you said, it doesn’t make sense for Aziraphale. If the character is an asshole, I’d be able to see it a little more (although again, I still very much question the entire idea in the first place) But he's not an asshole. I find anyone’s thinking it “makes sense” for him to be highly questionable.

I know Aziraphale is much more than a character to many people

Speaking as a (very, very, very slightly, lol) professional writer and actor - every character should be “more than a character”, if they’re well-written. They should feel real if the writer and/or actor has done their job well. I like NG's line that "If you write someone who is utterly and completely themselves, you get people coming up to you and going 'Oh my God, you wrote my life!'

a desire to watch him go through a psychological breakdown is not some poorly concealed desire to watch real people go through that.

It may or may not be. I agree that it isn't always.

In this person’s case, though, I very much did get concerning vibes. Poorly concealed. (As an ab*se survivor, you start to know the vibe of victim-blamers after awhile.)

Regardless, though, the way we respond to characters is the way we respond to people in real life. Story is a primary vehicle through which people learn how to interact with one another and their environment. If it wasn’t, discussing media along these lines would be pointless, and I'd just spend all my time talking about how good David Tennant looks in those tight pants 😁 Or, probably, I would take up a different hobby altogether.

I wouldn’t have wasted my time starting this blog if the things people say about this story and especially about Aziraphale didn’t have real-world applications (not to mention making a lot of ab*se survivors feel very unsafe in the fandom - before we turned off anonymous asks, I got an average of two messages a day from ab*se survivors and other oppressed people telling them how this blog has made them feel so much safer in the fandom) - and if their views about the characters didn’t mirror the kinds of things they’d say about people in real life. (All the anti-Aziraphale autiphobic takes come to mind.) I flatter myself I have enough judgment that those takes wouldn't have troubled me so deeply if they weren't reflective of real-world societal problems and indicative of problematic attitudes in the people who write them.

In this case, the wording is identical to the kinds of problematic things people say about real-life victims/survivors. Yes, the person may not actually consciously want (or want at all) to see real-life ab*se victims/survivors suffer. But I absolutely, one hundred per cent guarantee you that anyone saying this has some major problematic biases/assumptions that are contributing to how ab*se survivors are maligned, degraded, and oppressed in our society. (I never want to see Disabled people suffer, but if I say ableist things, I’m contributing to it whether I mean to or not. I may not want to see women suffer, I am a woman, well more or less anyway lol, and I've identified as a feminist my entire adult life, but nevertheless there have certainly been times in the past when I've said sexist things. It's something all of us will always have to be vigilant against in ourselves. I suspect at this point I'm preaching to the choir, because you do not strike me at all as a bigoted or ignorant person, but I figured I'd re-iterate all that again anyway, because screaming it through a megaphone as often as possible is what this blog is for lol. :)

And what’s worse, they are spreading that rhetoric. I’ll be damned if I’ll let it go by without saying something.

Hope this makes sense and cleared some things up.

With love and respect,

Mod X.

[jinkookspencil]

bts as musicals

simply put, bts as staged musicals i'm familiar with. a very random list and post i wrote up at 3am. it's not to be taken too seriously of course, and this is just my sleep-deprived opinion and take

namjoon - hamilton

i feel this is self explanatory for anyone familiar with both hamilton and nj

hamilton, entirely self written about a self-made man with the weight of the world on his shoulders who needed to prove himself, all while being completely in homage to rap legends through and through

HELLO????

hamilton is also a musical very centered around loss and i can really see that in joon

loss, rap, and the eternal internal struggle!!!

he'd have so much fun with it but it'd wreck him

satisfied especially

also i hate to make this point but when it comes to the hate that these two receive, sometimes it’s clear that it’s really forced hatred

seokjin - hairspray

the ladies choice amiright ladies?

obviously there’s link, the very attractive man who everyone wants 

who is hopelessly in love with a plus sized beauty <3333 so jin

jin has often expressed his love of being “unserious” and we all know he can be like that mostly on camera, but he definitely has that more serious side that really is the basis for his character

isn’t that vaguely reminiscent of hairspray too though?

we often think of it as this unserious musical but it actually has more layers than one might remember, discussing prejudice, body image, individuality, self-image, integrity

i think all of those things matter a whole lot to seokjin 

yoongi - les miserables 

fuck the system 

really, all about rebellion and revolution 

but also let me break your heart a little

and let me make you remember that you’re actually living life

very similar themes across both yoongi’s solo work and les mis - injustice, class, tragedy, loss, to name a few. while also being so sympathetic towards its varied characters, reminiscent of yoongi’s sensitivity and mindset

shit think of how yoongi might react to 'i dreamed a dream'

hoseok - wicked 

I think jack in the box just solidifies this as my pick for hoseok tbh

because there’s the childlike wonder side we all see and know (wizard of oz, j-hope of bts)

but then everything that surrounds it and the real story behind it (wicked, jitb)

both wicked and jitb offer a look into a “character” we think we’re familiar with, but it turns out we really aren’t

when we finally see them tell their story in their own words

elphaba struggles with her “role” and so does hobi, literally spelling it out for us in jitb

they both feel trapped, and thus reclaim and reinvent themselves 

It’s a very identity-focused musical/album that still links back to prejudice in our world, too and "where they fit in"

jimin - chicago 

sex

chicago is a look into fame/celebrity and corruption and ambition, and i think jimin has quite strong values when it comes to that

to me, it seems as though he finds those topics very interesting to think about

and also, how that all intersects with sexuality and gender

it feels like the crux of what chicago is as a musical but also who jimin presents himself to be

taehyung - west side story

i wanted something that’s a bit of a more classic musical for taehyung, and out of the ones i am familiar with, wss seemed the most fitting (tho i have a sneaky suspicion that one of the ones i am *not* familiar with might be more him)

taehyung is a romantic and, like nj, he almost romanticizes his losses and spends time looking back and reflecting on his own relationships and even his relationship with 'love' as a whole - layover proves it

so of course wss makes sense, the dance numbers, the longing, the risk of it all, the fact that it's story about "the power of love"

i think it'd leave quite the impact on tae, if he hasn't seen it yet

despite being a retelling of romeo & juliet (which tae would LOVE) wss also set the precedent for many musicals to come, much like tae did. looking back, it was very innovative for its time in so many different ways

musically, it's very taehyung. i could see him wanting to do covers of the songs. maria, tonight, and something's coming (he'd always go back to this song)

in every iteration of it, it's also very cinematic and very personal at the same time, which means it is very taehyung

jungkook - grease 

I didn’t WANT to pick grease and feed into that stereotypical ‘bad boy jk’ idea

but like i can’t not

and it’s not so much that it is representative of who jk is as a person

except aesthetically (the dazed cover is proof)

but that i can see jungkook himself enjoying the musical numbers and poking fun at john travolta, imitating him in his dance moves

i think he’ll particularly enjoy “you’re the one that i want” and might develop some sort of ‘corruption’ fantasy of turning a good girl bad

this might be me projecting that i want jk to do to me shhhhhhh

oh and he will go through a phase of calling his car “grease lightning” and sing the song every damn time he gets in it

yeah it'd be hard as fuck to get jk to get rid of his john travolta impression

[lee-hakhyun]

orv ocs from lime? 👀 gimme gimme!

i've got them visualized in my head but i've barely got anything down about them besides a few sketches. got a little group together. not very good at names so some of them just don't have one yet 🥲

these ocs are american, living in the state i currently live in - new york - because i'm the most familiar with this area. however, as it's not a capital, most of these incarnations joins the scenario later on, after the 10th main scenario had already passed. something about seeing how the world progresses outside the domes... what happens if you have family trapped in the dome? what about the people who just don't believe the scenarios are real? it's really interesting to think about.

also, domes. it wasn't elaborated on how the domes are made outside of 'capitals', but in the side story we learn that extra domes are created based on population. the korean peninsula has a population of about 75 million with one dome, so assuming 75 million per dome, the united states would have 4 or 5 domes. we only know of the dc and las vegas domes in canon, so i'm assuming new york city ends up as a dome here. anyway, the incarnations:

arin, sponsored by the philippine goddess of lost things anagolay. she a matching skill and a stigma, dubbed [lost] and [found] until i can think of better names for them. [lost] is a stealth skill, which masks your presence / makes people 'forget' about your existence temporarily, while [found] summons things that have previously been lost (the type of item can be influenced, e.g 'weapon' or 'trinket', but the specific item is random. more probability spent generally means a better item.)

arin has a brother, who is actually sponsored by anagolay's husband, dumakulem, a god of the mountains/hunting! he was caught in a dome while traveling over there, and has managed to survive until the domes are freed and is now trying to get back to arin

a teenage incarnation with kind of hypnosis / control skills. she has (again, temporary names) [suggestion] and [command], with [suggestion] being used while talking to subtly influence the other party. on the other hand, when [command] is used the other party is notified through a system message, but the power of the influence is way stronger. i found it interesting to explore how much a character that you know could be manipulating you can be trusted

a girl sponsored by sherlock holmes. she has a skill that's something like a weaker character list. she can 'investigate' an incarnation, learning their sponsor, a limited amount of attributes/skills, and basic information.

elio and esmeralda. esme is an old lady who was in a nursing home, and elio her nurse, who paired up after a particularly bad first scenario. elio is a more supportive incarnation, and he's able to reinforce an enclosed space to block people who aren't allowed in. esme is sponsored by the grim reaper, and wields a scythe.

a dokkaebi! asong (아송), a mid-grade dokkaebi who isn't actually a streamer, but a dokkaebi who takes care of a museum of rare items collected from particularly famous incarnations who have died, or donated by their sponsors who liked their incarnations for showcasing after they died. she's shocked after an item is summoned out of the museum by arin's [found], and hunts her down to get her item back

there's a few more, but they're still just ideas and i don't have enough on them to list yet.

as these incarnations are in america, they do run in with anna croft and the zarathustras eventually. yoo joonghyuk is out there doing his own thing, but this world is set in a regression where he dies before he can impact the world too much. i think about these guys a lot... my own little kimcom. i really encourage everyone to make their own orv ocs it is so fun

[alexanderwales]

Movie Review: I Saw the TV Glow

Spoilers follow. Content warning: death, transphobia, homophobia

I don't review most things I watch. I'm a writer, not a reviewer, and most things just sort of pass by having been consumed and thought about in a way that I don't feel the need to share with others. I'll be upfront: I Saw the TV Glow did not land for me. I think it's a good movie for the people that it resonated with, but I find the disconnect interesting, because it's perhaps the first time a horror movie has failed to hit me so completely that I'm left thinking that I just don't have the fear button it's trying to hit.

I Saw the TV Glow is a trans allegory. I'm not entirely sure that it can be read as anything else, but I'll try to make some comparisons later on.

In 1999 I was in eighth grade, and was the token boy in a group of girls who had all been friends for ages. I enjoyed hanging out with them, which went on for about two years until they started getting older boyfriends and I drifted toward spending time with other friend groups. There was one particular party where they talked me into dressing up as a girl and putting makeup on me, and when they had eagerly accomplished this they told me what a pretty girl I was. This was pretty much a non-event in my life, something that made close to zero impact on me and my self image. I had no gender feelings about it. I am cisgendered, in a way where I have sufficiently explored my feelings and found this to be true about myself. (Similarly, I have sufficiently explored my feelings to understand that I'm straight: in high school I kissed a few boys during games like spin the bottle or truth or dare, and it just did nothing for me. I've watched gay porn for the sake of science and don't get anything from it.)

The horror that I Saw the TV Glow taps into is idea of hiding your true self and not accepting who you truly are, running away from these realities of your personal identity because you deeply fear either that truth or the consequences of that truth. It's not a fear that I've ever had cause to experience, as much as I have (at times) been a disappointment to my parents and a social outcast. This is almost certainly a form of privilege, but it means that I was watching the movie at two steps removed, understanding what it was trying to get at but not feeling it, trying to run a janky simulation of a main character I did not at all relate to.

In the late 1990s there were a spate of movies about white men who were being slowly killed by working in cubicles, their True Nature repressed by the corporate hellscape. Fight Club, American Beauty, Falling Down, The Matrix, Office Space ... they really had a moment. Most of those movies worked for me, and when I was a teenager, some of them really worked for me. Fight Club and The Matrix came out in the same year, 1999, and both had similar messages of "you are trapped by this bullshit corporate life that demands you be weak and without purpose". As a fourteen-year-old white boy living in the Midwest, this really resonated with me. Fuck the system! Rage against the machine! But neither of those movies was about the how and the why of being trapped in a life that doesn't suit you. The Matrix has its own refusal of the call, but it's very brief, and not central.

There's a recurring theme in tons of movies about being an outsider and an outcast and hiding your true self, but eventually you can't keep up with the lies, and it all comes spilling out, and the people who you thought would hate you have to confront their prejudice or whatever. Sometimes the protagonist isn't even hiding it, it's just out in front for anyone to see, but I think that's gotten a little less common over the years. We got Luca and then Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken and it's really all over the place. I genuinely think that "I am different and no one understands me" is one of the stock experiences for teenagers. But the lesson imparted by those movies (and shows and books) usually starts with the premise that our protagonist is clearly and obviously different, and the message of "shine your light" can only really work if you've accepted that there's a light to shine.

Owen refuses the call over and over. Uncharitably, he's a coward. If I'm to be charitable, I think I would have to make a case for cowardice. It's scary to defy social expectations. It's scary to have this truth inside of you that demands you leave everything you've known behind, which is the explicit thing being asked of him during that first refusal of the call. I can relate to the fear and self-doubt. Owen has more to lose than Maddy, at least at that point. Later on, there's another refusal of the call, this time with more excuses that are transparently denial, and it's less easy to understand, though the imagery is that of death: buried in a hole in the ground, the burial of the old self to become the new. And at the end, it's just sad brokeness, understanding yourself and deciding that it's too late, even if the street chalk says that it's never too late.

(The character's name is Owen, who I have seen referred to with she/her pronouns as Isabel by some people, but I'm going to go with what the end credits say rather than attaching an identity to a character who has explicitly rejected that identity multiple times.)

In 1998, a year before The Matrix came out, a year before I would be dressing up like a girl for the pleasure of my friends, Matthew Shepard was beaten and tied to a fence, later dying of his injuries. I feel like I'm old enough now that the name Matthew Shepard has been replaced by other names in the collective consciousness as "the face of anti-queer violence", but at the time it was huge in the news and deeply affected me. This is the era of nostalgia that I Saw the TV Glow is harkening back to, and I think if you're hearing about a gay man being beaten to death in Colorado, watching something with ambiguous queer rep like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Xena: Warrior Princess would easily be a lifeline, much more than something that's explicitly queer. That's my guess, anyway, at what the movie is trying to model. The Matthew Shepard thing has always stuck with me as one of the news stories that defined my teenage years, and I cannot imagine how much more it would have affected me if I were gay.

Even in that context I find Owen to be awkward and unsympathetic, and I don't necessarily feel like this is an unendorsed reading of the film. If there's a lesson that the film wants us to take, it's "embrace the you inside", and if there are two lessons the second one is, "it's never too late". The reason it's a horror/drama is that the protagonist teaches us these lessons by suffering for not embodying the lessons. They're lessons I generally endorse. But the horror doesn't land for me because I've never been in that situation of holding back from some personal truth I wasn't willing to accept. I've always freely probed at the edges of my identity.

The other major theme of the movie is finding yourself by way of media, and sometimes artistically questionable media. Here, I think the movie works a little better for me. The show-within-a-movie is The Pink Opaque, which we get to see a lot of, and which represents ... probably a few things, but I think the major one that fits best with the overall themes is "queerness". Maddy escapes the world the film is set within, which is actually Mr. Melancholy's "midnight realm", and comes out in The Pink Opaque, which is then inferred to be the "real world". Maddy comes back for Owen, trying to help him escape, and the metaphor here is someone openly queer trying to help someone who's still in the closet. (This is also the subtext of Maddy leaving Owen behind.)

There's a bit later in the movie where Owen finds The Pink Opaque on a streaming service and finds it to be much more childish than he remembered it to be, and what we're shown of it also conflicts with earlier depictions. I don't know what this means from within the logic of the movie (probably that Mr. Melancholy's plans are working), but within the metaphorical logic of the movie, it's a comment on how the thing that was real was the way it made them feel and what it revealed to them about themselves. I think that's sort of neat, and there's definitely formative media that I haven't gone back to specifically because I worry that it won't hold up to what I created in my mind. My guess, from reading a few things, is that Buffy was the main inspiration, but I think for a lot of teenagers who grew up around the same time it might have been something else: something with subtext rather than something gay. Xena, maybe. There's probably something about the deniability of it that helps people who are questioning: when you're at the point of watching every season of Queer as Folk on DVD as it comes out, I think you're past the point where you're pushing down these feelings. (Note: I did watch every season of Queer as Folk on DVD as they came out, it was a high school ritual with a friend of mine.)

I thought the movie was interesting, but I didn't like it. I think it's personal in a way that some media is, not just personal to the people with the creative vision, but personal to the people it's meant to speak to. It's not a movie for me, and I'm left trying to engage with it by reconstructing some of the emotions from first principles. There are probably bits of imagery and dialogue that will stick with me, and it was cause for reflection, which I think is the mark of a good film, even if I didn't enjoy myself or feel any kind of personal impact. Some of this is just privilege on my part.

If you've struggled with identity issues and self-acceptance ... I don't know. I can't imagine that watching this movie would would feel good, given the ending, but that seems to be who the movie is squarely aimed at. I recommend it overall, even if I think the hit rate will probably be low.

[rex101111]

you know how in some cop shows if it goes on long enough they need to put one of the main characters in danger and one of the things that they come up with is "oh, let's just put the character in jail for a crime they didn't commit!" and they always show the prison as horrible full of horrible inmates and horrible guards and horrible conditions but literally every time another characters "look guys we need to trust the system everything will turn out okay" but every time that arc gets resolved by the characters very decidedly not abiding by the justice system and its clear that if the other characters did just let the system play out as intended an innocent person would be trapped in a horrible place, a jail, with no way out. and every time when the person comes out every one is like "oh it must have been so awful for you in there" and no one ever spares a thought for the people they spent like ten seasons throwing into what the past few episodes have shown to be an awful place where people get treated like animals. Because why would they? those people they caught very clearly did the thing so they deserve it, so yeah sure jail is awful and guards abuse their power and higher ranked criminals usually aren't all that bothered by a jail sentence anyway and even people that did minor things like maybe steal a watch are stuck here with the horrible people and also the other criminals that also tend to be horrible people, but

hey

you gotta trust the system, right?