#but overall. I liked it! it’s a solid study and I love the atmospheric beats

[studebakerhearse]

Just read Penguin: Pain and Prejudice in one sitting *surrounded by blood and viscera*

[thisiswherewestart]

I Remember (1/?)

Today had started out like any other Tuesday. I had woken up, logged in to work remotely for a few hours and then moved to a café for a change of scenery and to grab some lunch.

I usually frequented cafés close by my apartment, but my friend had highly recommended this quaint, newly opened one with an extensive pasta menu that was a half-hour train ride away. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for good pasta, and her rave review of their squid ink spaghetti had haunted me for the past week.

And so there I was on a Tuesday afternoon, after checking that they welcomed lingering customers. My laptop sat open across from me so I could monitor my inbox and I surveyed the simple decorations that created a homely ambiance. The fact that I was the only customer helped complete the serene scene. If this café were within walking distance, I would come again just for the atmosphere.

Ten minutes after giving my order to the waiter, my food finally arrived. The dark sauce coated the noodles beautifully, the seafood peeking out between the long strands making my mouth salivate in anticipation. As I picked up my fork, a tinkle of a bell sounded from the café entrance.

"Hello," a soft but confident voice greeted the approaching waiter. "One salmon aglio olio to go please. Thanks."

My fork stopped halfway to my mouth. My back was to the entrance but I would recognise that voice even in a noisy room.

"Tasha?"

And that confirmed it. It was him.

"Dongyoung," I greeted, standing and turning around to face the man. "It's been a while."

"When did you come back to Korea?" His tone was accusing now.

"How are you? How's Taeyong? How are the kids?" I shot out question after question, hoping he would forget the one he had asked.

"We're all fine. When did you come back?"

So much for that.

"Oppa…"

"Don't you 'oppa' me. We're basically the same age."

I sighed, dropping onto my seat and turning away from him. "I've been back for a year now."

He took the seat opposite me. Uninvited, but not unexpected.

"One year." The hurt in his voice made me wince. "A whole year and you didn't bother to call."

"Dongyoung, please."

His laugh was void of mirth. "So we're back to this, huh? The last time I saw you, you exclusively called me Doie."

I looked up at him.

"I guess that's what four years of silence does between friends."

*~*

"Five, six, seven, eight…"

The 7th Sense NCT U unit was made up of my favourite fellow trainees. 

Mark, who was the same age as my little brother whom I dearly missed. His naive sense of humour and bright eyed wonder had me growing fond of him in no time at all. Our shared love of story writing also brought us closer, as we encouraged each other to keep up with writing even as we were busy with idol training. He was my happy pill during our years as trainees together.

Ten, my fellow international school kid. We were different in that he came from money while I was the daughter of a diplomat. PSA: not all diplomats are wealthy! They are still government officers and don't earn nearly as much as you think they do. One of the perks was getting subsidised education, which made it possible for my siblings and I to attend international schools in non-English speaking countries we lived in. Ten and I hadn't known each other prior to becoming trainees, but he and I found that we just clicked. We even found several mutual friends in our international school networks.

Jaehyun and I took a little longer to warm up to each other. I was a fairly quiet person, only talkative around people I was comfortable with, so I was never one to initiate conversation. Jaehyun never approached me to start talking either, so a few months after we first met, our relationship had not progressed beyond a polite greeting when we bumped into each other. It took Taeyong to help us break the ice, but once we got to talking we found that our interests overlapped and they were the foundation to our pretty solid friendship.

Taeyong is the one trainee to whom I’m most grateful. I entered the company shortly after he did, and he seemed to decide to take me under his wing upon our first meeting. It didn’t matter that our training schedules didn’t overlap; he would always check in on me and help me when I struggled with getting dance moves memorised. In time, as Taeyong started writing and producing more songs, he would include me in his process and get me to record demos with him and Dongyoung.

Dongyoung was an enigma to me. I knew he had a kind heart because he would do things like invite foreign trainees home during holidays so they would have somewhere to go. I could see the warmth in his interactions with other trainees but he was only ever cordial to me, so I always thought he did not like me very much. It was, once again, thanks to Taeyong that we got closer. Dongyoung and I were both vocalists, but I dabbled in some rapping and Taeyong seemed to enjoy writing songs that featured the three of us. Studio sessions with the two of them became some of my favourite memories of my time as a trainee.

I was looking through the lyrics of the latest song Taeyong had written when the group finished their practice run and paused for a water break.

“Tash,” Taeyong greeted as he flopped down next to me, leaning his back on the cool mirror.

“You guys are looking really good,” I praised, handing him a water bottle. “The modifications you guys made last week improved the overall performance a lot.”

“Right? I’m so glad the choreographer let us do that.”

Dongyoung approached us, sitting on my other side. I passed him the last of my stock of water bottles. “Hey.”

“I’m beat,” he sighed. “But we look good right?”

“Yeah I was just saying that.”

The three of us sat in amicable silence for a few moments, the two of them gulping down the cool water as I finished perusing Taeyong’s lyrics. I shut my eyes as my thoughts turned to my own debut, or lack thereof, and my family’s increasing worries. 

“Hey, you okay?” I opened my eyes to find Dongyoung peering at me in concern.

I gave him a half smile. “I guess.”

“You’ll debut soon,” Taeyong assured me, guessing the subject of my thoughts correctly. I appreciated his vote of confidence, but we all knew that was a lie, at least if I stayed at SM. Having debuted Red Velvet two years ago, it was highly improbable that they would debut another girl group so soon. And besides, they were all tied up in NCT’s official debut, with two U units, 127 and Dream all training hard to perfect their debut performances.

“We should probably get back to training,” Taeyong said apologetically. His eyes were kind as he briefly grasped my shoulder with a comforting hand before standing up. “Tell me what you think of that song later,” he nodded at the printed lyrics in my hand. “I want your verse by the end of the week!”

Dongyoung sat studying my expression for a bit longer.

“I’m fine, Doie. Really.” I pushed his shoulder gently. “Go. They’re waiting for you.”

“We’ll go out to eat after this, okay?” he offered, standing. “We can get pasta. My treat.”

“Man after my own heart,” I proclaimed, clutching my chest in jest.

He grinned as he walked to his starting position. 

I watched as Taeyong counted the boys into yet another rehearsal. Meeting Dongyoung's eyes in the practice room mirror, I could see the nerves he increasingly felt but rarely showed for their debut performance, only seven days from now. I smiled as brightly as I could, hoping he couldn't tell my heart was breaking knowing I would be leaving in five.

*~*

The Doyoung that sat before me today was a fully fledged kpop star, hair perfectly coiffed and clothes fitting his comfortable but stylish lookbook. He had truly grown into his looks, and seeing him was making my heart ache. With pride? With longing? I didn't even know myself. I had just started developing maybe-more-than-friends feelings towards him when I had found myself back with my family.

"You look good. Healthy."

"Where have you been for the last four years, Natasha?"

His use of my entire first name hurt more than I expected. Was this how he felt when I called him Dongyoung?

"I went back home."

"As in back to your home country?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yes."

"Why? And don't tell me it's because you didn't debut with Red Velvet."

"You're kidding, right?" It was my turn to laugh humourlessly. "Has SM debuted another girl group since then?"

"Well no, but-"

"Don't say they might have added me to the group like they did Yeri. When I left, it had been one year since that happened and two years since they debuted!"

"But why did you have to leave?" Doyoung's voice was rising. "You could have moved to another company. You know you had the skills to debut."

"I just… had to, okay?" 

I guess he heard the pleading in my voice because he switched to another line of questioning after studying me for a minute.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” His voice was quiet. “Taeyong and me, especially,” he sighed. “We missed you. We still miss you.”

“I’m sorry. I know it was shitty of me but I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of me leaving.” I did not want to give you guys the chance to persuade me to stay.

There was a pause. “Did you miss us?”

Tears I thought had dried up years ago threatened to fall. “You have no idea how much,” I whispered, willing myself not to cry.

“Oh I think I do-”

“At least you guys had each other,” I blurted. 

“Excuse me?” Doyoung narrowed his eyes at me. “We were not the ones who stopped talking to you! I called until your number went out of service! And then we looked for you online but there was absolutely nothing. Why did you fall off the grid completely?”

I opened my mouth to respond but was interrupted by the waiter bringing Doyoung his food. Doyoung thanked him and handed him a card. “I’ll take care of her bill as well.”

“Don’t,” I protested. We were in the middle of an argument and he still wanted to take care of me. “Just charge him for his food, please,” I asked the waiter.

“I’ll pay for her,” Doyoung insisted. “Thank you.”

The waiter left, an awkward smile on his face as he retreated.

“I have to go now, so we’ll put a pin in this conversation.” Doyoung stared hard at me until I nodded my assent. "Does anyone know you're back?"

I shook my head. "I work in software now. I don't run in the same circles anymore."

"You know we have these things called phones, right?" He gestured at his Samsung with exaggerated motions. "They're amazing. You can connect with anyone, anywhere. Even if they're in a different country." He looked at me pointedly.

"I'm sorry, okay? I know I could have, should have, kept in touch but I just… I couldn't."

"Why?"

A million reasons. "I don't want to get into it right now."

"Fine. But you know I'll keep asking until I get answers."

I smiled, thinking about his habit of persistently badgering us until he got what he wanted. "I know."

"In fact," he grabbed my phone, which had been lying next to my rapidly cooling plate of pasta. "I'm going to call myself so I have your number."

Before I could protest, he had held my phone up to unlock it with my face and was dialling.

"Wait, I-"

He clicked the dial button and automatically put the phone up to his ear, before slowly lowering it again, staring at the screen in disbelief.

"So you kept my number. This whole time. And you still never called."

I didn’t know what to say to that. All I could do was apologise again. “I-”

“Just save it, Tash.” He put my phone back on the table. “I’m going now. Pick up when I call, okay?”

“I don’t like talking on the phone. Can you text me instead?” I joked, trying to keep my tone light.

“Do not test me,” Doyoung glowered. “Answer when I call.”

“Okay,” I murmured, but he was already walking to the counter to pick up his card.

He left without looking back.

[clumsybookworm18]

and my burden to bear is a love (i can’t carry anymore) | pt.6

ao3 | Moodboard | parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Summary: Josh awakens after dawn and makes an upsetting discovery.

A/N: This is me trying to write a simple flashback scene that ended up turning into a whole chapter and a bunch of ANGST™

 Enjoy :)

Josh didn’t remember how he got here.

One moment he was in the mines. The next, he was walking through the station’s doors. The precinct was crawling with activity. Phones continuously ringing, rangers coming in and out, even a few EMTs walked in. For the life of him Josh couldn’t remember how he got here. Everything was so fuzzy. 

The mines... He’d been in the mines with Mike. They were supposed to regroup with Sam and the others at the lodge. But he doesn’t remember getting out of the mines… He followed Mike. He saw a stranger's body hanging on a hook. He jumped into the freezing water. And then… and then… and then what?

Josh peered down at himself. His- the Psycho’s- overalls had been replaced by black clothes. His hands weren’t dirty anymore. His face no longer hurt. What happened? Did he make it out? Had the others?

He approached the man sitting in the front desk. Josh cleared his throat. “Excuse me.” 

The man didn’t look up.

“Uh excuse me,” he repeats a little more louder. The man still didn’t look up.

Okay, rude. “What are you, deaf? Hellooo?”

Still not looking at him.

“Listen pal, I just had one of the worst nights of my life so if you could help me out here, that’ll be fucking swell.”

But the man kept scribbling some forms on the desk and didn’t answer him. 

Oh, fuck this.

His eyes flickered towards the open door where an officer just came out of. Since the man in the front desk was still ignoring him, Josh saw no fault in walking in. Nobody stopped him as he made his way through the hallway, nobody acknowledged him. 

For a moment, Josh wondered if this was another of his hallucinations, but it didn’t feel like one. Usually his hallucinations involved accusations or pointed fingers at him. Here, there was nobody telling him what a piece of shit he was, instead they were just ignoring him. 

“Okay…” he murmured to himself. “This is freaking me the fuck out.”

Even with all the activity, there was a preternatural quiet- like an omen. Josh kept walking, ignoring the trepidation that tugged inside him. The flutter of uneasiness that grew as he slowly treaded farther. He took a turn and-

There she was. Sitting alone in the hallway, was Sam, her fingers clutching the blanket thrown around her shoulders. 

“Sam,” he breathes, relieved to see a familiar face.

He doesn’t hesitate to approach her but she doesn’t look up, not even when he’s standing right in front of her. Josh frowns, studying her in the wan light, his eyes going to the blood smeared across her forehead and her cheek. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. “Sam.”

She didn’t answer. He grew more nervous with every passing second of silence. Josh knew he’d fucked up, that he and his friends weren’t on the best terms at the moment but Sam wasn’t one to ignore him for the sake of it. Especially at a time like this. Josh kneeled before her, her unseeing eyes making him uneasy. This wasn’t the same girl he saw in the mines. 

Something was wrong.

“Sammy?” He raised a hand to brush a stray lock of hair from her face only for it to go through her. Josh stumbled back, falling on his ass. 

Something was very wrong. 

He touched his chest, his face, but they felt solid. He felt a sinking dread as he reached out, as he tried to touch Sam again but his hand went straight through. 

What. The. Fuck.

“Samantha Giddings?” 

They both looked up to see a cop approaching. Josh didn’t react fast enough, didn’t have time to move away before the man walked right through him. He doesn’t feel it, not physically, but the reality of the situation arrowed into him. 

No. No way this was happening. Not to him. This had to be some mistake, he couldn’t… he wasn’t...

Dead.

Josh’s ears were ringing. No one can see him, no one could hear him, no one could touch him. Shit, someone just walked through him like he was nothing... 

The cop said something. Josh couldn’t hear him. His eyes went to Sam again. She was being led to a door labeled as Interview Room 1. He called her name in a hoarse whisper. 

Look back. Please.

She didn’t.

***

Rain fell without mercy as Josh walked upon rows and rows of gravestones, the sound of water hitting stone growing louder with every step he took. The cemetery was empty, something he didn’t find surprising, considering that not many people liked to spend their time among the resting dead. 

After that godawful funeral that put his memory to shame, Josh didn’t know where else to go. Didn’t know what else to do. Since there was no way in hell he was going back to the manor (he had already haunted those halls long enough), he’d ended up making the graveyard his new lair. Josh was still getting used to the idea of being dead when he wasn’t actually gone. Not completely. And he found the grim ambiance of it all a perfect fit for his new predicament. 

He finally reached the miniature city of mausoleums, striding his way across the sea of white marble to enter what had been appointed as his permanent residence. It had grown dark inside thanks to the stormy weather, the only light in the room coming from the candles placed on the small altar and the entryway. 

The Washington mausoleum was a big, black block of granite with stained glass windows and arched bronze doors, placed on the outskirts of the cemetery with the ominous Washington supported by roman columns. Posh. Lofty. A bit Gothic. Pretty hard to miss. 

What can he say, his family had a dramatic flair. Himself included.  

For the past few days, he’d been prowling around the grounds, searching for signs of any other ghosts, lost souls, anything at all. Something that indicated that he wasn’t alone on this other side. And the cemetery seemed like the perfect scenario for wandering spirits, with its eerie atmosphere, and the obscure mist surrounding the graves. Makes perfect sense that it would be haunted. Right?

Yeah, no. 

So far there have been no sightings of anything. Zero. Zilch. No other ghosts or spirits. No guardian angel to lead him up. No fiendish demons to lure him down. Not even the Grim Reaper himself. Nothing. He was truly alone on this ghostly plane. 

So Josh had been biding his time, lingering close to his crypt. Waiting for any signs or answers because something had to give. Fate, God, Death or whatever the fuck is supposed to be in charge couldn’t just leave him here. Stranded.  

The echo of footsteps alerted him to a presence. Josh instantly recognized the gait of the person striding his way. The heels of her shoes clicked against the polished granite floor, drowning the sound of the drizzle beating against the windowpanes. 

She hadn’t been to the funeral. Everybody else had gone. Chris. Ash. Mike. Even Emily. But not Sam. So nobody could really blame him for being surprised when she showed up to his family’s mausoleum out of the fucking blue. That she even showed up at all. 

She looked so tired. Even in the faint light he could see the smudged purple beneath her eyes, that familiar haunted look brought by a night of nightmares. He wanted to believe he was wrong, that this couldn’t be her. But it was. Josh was surprised to see how much she’d changed in such a short time. 

Sam stopped in front of the joint grave beside his and murmured something he didn’t quite catch, before hesitantly moving to his own. She ran a tentative hand over his name engraved on the stone. Josh didn’t like it. It felt so… final. Well, as final as it could get, since apparently death wasn’t as permanent as he would’ve liked it to be. 

Two tears slid down her face. Swift and cold. She didn’t wipe them away. “You lied to me.”

He went to stand next to her. “As much as I want to apologize, you can’t hear me,” he offers with a sad smile, looking at her face glowing in the dim light of the candles, her skin still glittering with rain. “So I won’t.” 

“I am so angry with you. Furious,” she went on, unaware of the ghost at her side, her eyes desolate. “But for the most part I’m just tired. Tired of racking my brain, of trying to understand why, and I just-” The snag on the words was like a blow to his intangible gut. Sam puts her hands on her face, running them up through her wet hair. “Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. It’s not like you can hear me or anything.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t.” He cups her face between his hands, trying to wipe away the tears. The corners of his mouth turned down when he couldn’t. “Don’t say that. I’m right here.”

He scans her eyes, her face, looking… What was he looking for? Some sign of recognition? And if so, was he able to handle Sam’s reaction? Would she still be saying the things she’s saying now? Would she recoil at the sight of him? Would she be scared? Or would she be angry? 

He drops his hands. If Josh were alive, she would hate him. He knows that much. 

But her face didn’t change. Her eyes were still liquid, somber, lost. “You know I was thinking about what I last said to you,” she said, her voice quiet and loud at the same time in the silent mausoleum. “‘Josh, do you have the key for the cable car.’ God, I was so stupid…. All I was thinking about was getting us out of that mountain, you know? I didn’t think about saying goodbye- didn’t think I needed to. You were supposed to come back with us.”

He remembers her urgent expression, clear in the darkness of the mines. The light of her headband shining brightly on his filthy face. Her cold, bloodied hands brushing his palm, her touch brief but soft as he handed the key. Her voice, somehow still composed, even after everything she had gone through, as she and Mike planned their escape while he uselessly stood on the sidelines. The quick glance she gave him before she climbed away.

Sam took a shuddering breath, her voice turned unsteady. “I know you were hurting. That you lost your sisters, that  your parents became more distant than they usually were, that you pushed everyone away but you had me… You had me. I only hoped that you saw that through this mess.” 

Josh doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say. Not like it would matter anyways. So he only stands frozen in place as she walks out of the mausoleum, the rain still beats outside. 

Later that night, he finds himself staring up at Sam’s bedroom window like he had done so many times before. Only this time, the lights were off. 

***

Josh stays around her after that. 

The days came and went, and Sammy seemed unaware of the time passing. She mostly stayed in her room, not getting out of bed, refusing to eat, not answering any of her texts or calls. What little time she managed to sleep, she awoke gasping and shaking. The liveliness that lived inside her now quiet. A static that made him uneasy.  Everything about her was now static. 

She was a ghost. Just like him. 

Josh has stopped trying to make sense of it. He was dead and he couldn’t do anything about it. Instead, he spends his time trying to communicate with Sam, trying to let her know he was still there. But it’s proving to be difficult, especially when she doesn’t care about anything. She couldn’t hear him, no matter how loud he talked. He tweaks and moves some stuff here and there but she doesn’t pay any mind to it. Josh doesn’t bother to try touching her again, not wanting to see his hands go through her again. 

It was hard to see her like this. But Sam was strong. She could survive this. She could survive anything. 

Josh didn’t leave- he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. When he needed someone, Sam had been there. Month after month, Sam had been there for him. Even when he pushed everyone away, couldn’t bring himself to care about anything, Sam hadn’t given up on him. 

And Josh wouldn’t give up on her.  

***

She searches for him in the dead of night. Puzzling, since he was the root of many of her nightmares and yet she wakes up coated in cold sweat, her hand palming what used to be his side of the bed, searching for the familiar heat of his body. Hoping that her nightmares were just nightmares, and not the cold, harsh truth. But she could never forget for long. Inevitably, she relieves her grief all over again when she finds nothing but frigid sheets and emptiness. 

Sam adds it up to the fact she had gotten used to sleeping next to him, to the codependency they both developed  the last year (even though deep down she knows it was more than that- for her at least). A habit, she tells herself. And habits die hard. 

But she can’t help but feel that his presence was still there with her, hiding in the shadows. 

***

One afternoon Sam picks up her sketchbook. The one he gave her for her 19th birthday- the last one they celebrated together. She stared at it for a long time. Long enough that Josh was convinced she might throw it out in the trash or even burn it. But to his surprise, she flipped it open, flashing through the pages with enough agility that he couldn’t catch a glimpse of her older drawings, as if she herself didn’t want to see them either, until she settled on a blank sheet. 

Mindlessly grabbing a pencil, she started sketching, brows furrowed and hand gliding through the page forming unsure lines that turned into rough curves that turned into confident shapes, transforming into something. Josh looked over her shoulder and-

Huh. 

She had captured its cloudy predatory gaze, all of the sharp teeth and sharp claws, with its long limbs curved, the Wendigo looked ready to strike out of the page. Of all the things she could’ve drawn, she drew that. Don’t get him wrong, he was all in for the weird and creepy shit, but Sam? Trying to get her to watch a scary movie was a trial in itself. 

Sam doesn’t stop to take it in. No, she passed that page and started doing another sketch. Then another. And another. Before they both knew it, it was already dark out and Sam had spent most of her day doing something other than moping.  

***

The creepy drawings became a thing. Not that Josh was complaining. Her coping mechanisms were a hell lot better than his, that’s for sure. 

In a matter of days, Sam had turned her room into a makeshift art studio. An easel beside the window. Paintbrushes in glass jars. Charcoal stained finger prints. She’d dropped out of all of her classes and had nothing else to do but paint and draw. Channeling all of her pain, sadness, and frustration into her art. Josh lingered by her side as she poured her heart out, filling white sheets with mountains and darkness, with monsters and death. It was terrifying… he loved it. 

Sam had always downplayed her artistic skills, something Josh never understood. Sam was an artist, had always been. He’d seen it from something as simple as her nails, over to the rare occasions she’s shown him some of her drawings, either of a landscape she saw during one of her hikes, or a quick sketch of one of his sisters doing a silly pose (Beth) or staring off with a dreamy look on her face (Hannah). Hell, he was pretty sure she was the one that had helped Hannah design her tattoo. When he’d ask, she’d always shrugged it off with an It’s just a hobby. 

Josh knew, even if he was stuck on his own personal hell, that Sam was gonna be alright. 

Tags: @xmxisxforxmaybe​

Anyone who wishes to be tagged can let me know! 

[saudadeonly]

Sirius and Marlene's friendship (with benefits)

Okay but this

This got away from me because for some reason their friendship is just really important to me

They knew each other before obviously, they're both from high-profile pureblood families after all, but they hit it off in their sixth year, after the Snape Incident™ when Sirius really starts hanging out with Lily and consequently with her friends (he's friendly with Mary and Dorcas too but it's not the same)

They bond over their pureblood upbringings (while Marlene's family are not pureblood maniacs like Sirius's, they never outright said they supported Muggleborns (at least not until that point) like James's and are not cast out from the wizarding society) - they share many inside jokes only those who attended pureblood balls would understand

"Black, Rosier started on the third years again, we're going to make him look worse than his mother did in '74"

"Hear, hear"

"What happened in--"

"Don't ask, Mary, it's not for your ears"

Always pranking/getting into duels with the Death eater wannabes on Muggleborns' behalf

"Black, McKinnon, detention"

"Yes, professor McGonnagall"

They learn to become sneakier the third time around - they are never caught again

He helps her with Transfiguration and she helps him with Potions

Studying side by side in the library and later in the common room well into the night, along with Lily, because Sirius doesn't want to be in his dorm while the Marauders are still awake and they will both be damned if they leave him alone

Marlene actually staying up with him until dawn the first full moon after the Incident™

They don't actually study that much, Sirius just laments how badly he screwed up (Marlene already knows Remus is a werewolf because she's not an idiot)

"You should apologise"

"I already did"

"Do it again"

Gradually, the Marauders drift together again, when Sirius apologises again the night before the next full moon (Marlene wasn't there, but she's pretty sure there were tears involved)

Sirius doesn't stop hanging out with them even after he gets his friends back because he's nothing if not loyal and their two friends group just slowly drift together, merging over time (later on at Jily's wedding Sirius will pride himself on being the reason they're actually together) ("Don't be a prat, Black")

Marlene and Sirius making it their lifetime mission to get Lily and James together ("Fine, it was a team effort")

Trying to outdrink each other at parties because they can both hold their liquor

"Be careful, Mack, you don't want to pull a Parkinson" *mad cackles*

"WILL YOU STOP WITH THE PUREBLOOD INSIDE JOKES ALREADY?" - a very frustrated James, at 3 am

"You get used to it, after a while you just tune it out" - Dorcas, patting his shoulder

"Yeah, kind of like Blishwick tuned--"

Dorcas hexes him three ways to Sunday, and Marlene laughs herself hoarse

Sirius coming to Quidditch matches and cheering on Marlene just as loudly as James (Lily is right next to him, doing similarly)

Sirius draping a blanket over Marlene when he finds her asleep in the common one night

Marlene drawing on his face with one of Lily's (impermanent) markers when she finds him (but also covering him with a blanket)

56 nicknames for each other (Remus keeps count)

"Mack"

"Siri"

"She-devil"

"Ingrate"

"Marls"

"Doggo"

Pranking each other constantly - it gets worse when Marlene enlists Lily's help and Sirius Remus's

It's a week no one who was present at Hogwarts at that time speaks about

They call a truce when Sirius can say nothing but the truth for a whole day (safe to say he hides and avoids Moony the whole time) and Marlene has to mime every second word and has pink hair that doesn't change until she washes it in chocolate (she keeps just a lock of it dyed pink, to commemorate the week)

Talking in hushed voices late at night, when no one can hear their concerns for their friends

"I can't lose them, Sirius, I just can't"

"You won't"

Promising each other they will protect them with their lives (Sirius beats himself up for it later, in Azkaban, because he didn't keep his promise, not really, and she would be so disappointed)

They start their arrangement just after they return from Christmas break in their sixth year

They're at a party and they both have just a little too much to drink because there's a war outside their little bubble and they can do nothing about it and they stumble into the Marauders' empty dorm and onto Sirius's bed and forget about everything else for that time (Remus hears them when he comes up and turns around, he can't look at them for a week)

They find a much-needed distraction in each other and they don't stop

Sirius has hooked up before but it's never been like this and he realises that it's the first time he's had sex with someone he actually cares about and it's so he finds out he's demisexual (the only other person he's ever been attracted to is Remus and it's not like that is ever going to happen)

Nothing changes, of course, they're still friends, just friends who occasionally shag

No one knows for the longest time

Until Peter stumbles upon them in a broom closet, half unclothed, and proceeds to tell about his traumatic experience to all of their friends, the rat

James makes a big deal about it, (un)surprisingly, Lily just stares and Dorcas and Mary throw reproachful looks at Marlene, who rolls her eyes, Remus walks out of the Great Hall with a flimsy excuse at best (Sirius tries not to be affected)

"It's not a big deal, Prongs, let it go, we're just shagging"

"For almost half a year?!"

"Yes."

"It doesn't mean anything, Potter, we're not tragically in love"

No one believes them and soon enough the whole Hogwarts know

Half the girls come up to Marlene to congratulate her and ask her how exactly she got the Hogwarts's main heartbreaker to settle down

"I swear to Merlin, one more person ask me that question and I will hex them"

"Why so grumpy, Marlene? Not getting laid enough?"

James has a bruise for a week from the copy of History of Magic she throws at him (Sirius rolls on the floor laughing for solid ten minutes after the exchange)

They do a good job of deflecting all the random insinuations and not hexing anyone who asks them how long they've been together, overall (Sirius walks around with a barely-there limp for two weeks after the only time one of the nasty Slytherins right out comments on it - the Slytherin isn't seen for three weeks - but they both refuse to tell what exactly happened)

Nothing changes between them really

During the summer holidays they don't go out of their way to see each other, both preferring to do other things, but if they happen to have an opportunity they take full advantage

Sirius spends the holidays with the Potters, the last truly calm period of his life he will be able to remember later, Remus joins them weekly, it's the best two months of his life

They are both there when James gets his Head boy badge and they laugh themselves hoarse

Marlene cackles when Sirius tells her

At the start of the school year she and Lily squeeze into a compartment with the Marauders

It's one of the best times any of them has ever had

All of them knowing that this is the last year they get to be just kids

Taking full advantage of it

The two of them resume their dynamic fully and their friends start worrying again

It's a month after start of school, when Marlene's had a really bad week, and comes into the common room after practice on Friday and one thing leads to another and she gets into a fight with Dorcas

A lot of things are said, none of them really truly meant, but cutting deep

The peak being "And you're just turning a blind eye on this thing you have with Black, trying to ignore the fact you're in love with him and that he will ditch you for someone better the second he gets the chance"

Marlene turns around and walks out of the Common room without a word

Sirius comes into the Common room an hour later, just out of detention, noticing the tense atmosphere among the group

James pulls him aside and tells him what happened

"Dorcas what the bloody hell"

Sirius going up to the dorm without another word, but coming out two minutes later and walking out of the Common room

He finds her outside on the grass, just staring up at the stars with a blank look in her eyes

He doesn't say anything, just puts away the Map and hands her a bottle of Firewhiskey

It takes exactly 4 minutes and 5 gulps of Firewhiskey for her to start spilling her guts

"I just--she's so stupid, Sirius"

"I know"

"She can't even see that I'm not nowhere near in love with you"

"I know"

"She keeps saying you're going to break my heart when in reality she does it every day"

"I know"

"She's the only person I want to be with"

Sirius takes a swig then too and pulls her into his arms

"We should start a club for people with best friends who they're hopelessly in love with while they are stupidly oblivious and make it really hard for them to move on"

"That sounds really specific, I don't think anyone would join"

"You'd be surprised"

They don't return to the Gryffindor tower until hours later, well beyond tipsy, to (what they think is) a deserted common room

They say goodnight and Sirius is already up three stairs when she calls out to him

He turns around and she says "I do love you, though"

He smiles "I know, you just can't help it, can you, Mack, I'm too lovable"

She can read between the lines though and she knows she's not imaging the glossiness of his eyes when he turns away

Neither notices Remus curled up on the sofa

Marlene refuses to speak to Dorcas for two weeks and when she tries to corner her after some shared classes, Sirius is somehow always there, like some kind of a guard dog

Lily finally gets fed up with it and forces Marlene to talk to Dorcas while James distracts Sirius

Dorcas receiving threats from Sirius for days afterwards, like she's the one dating Marlene and not he

"We're not dating for Merlin's sake, Dorcas, open your eyes and see who she's really in love with"

Considering he shouted that for the whole Great Hall to hear, it makes for a rather awkward week

At least until it's Hogsmeade weekend and Sirius and Marlene manage to set up a plausible scenario in which Peter has detention, Mary is sick, Marlene just has to meet her mum in the Three Broomsticks and Dorcas has to come with because her mother wants her opinion on something and Sirius has a mountain of schoolwork to catch up on and Moony would you be so kind to help me with it

That leaves just Lily and James, who swore up and down they had nothing to do so they have no excuse to cancel, forcing them to go together

They start dating and Sirius's remark is forgotten by everyone except for the two people who were most supposed to forget about it (read: Dorcas and Remus)

Except unlike the other three, Dorcas actually is a true Gryffindor so she does something about it and corners Marlene in an empty classroom and they both spill their guts

Sirius, who waited for them ouf of general habit, witnesses them coming out of there half an hour later with the goofiest grins and he just smiles, mouthing at Marlene, I know

They don't tell anyone at first but it all goes downhill when Lily comes back from her study sessions prematurely one day, stumbles in their dorm and just fucking screams

Half the common room jumps but before anyone can check it out, Lily comes down the stairs with her face almost as red as her hair

She rounds on Sirius, who's lounging on a sofa, Remus's head resting in his lap as they study

"Care to explain why I just walked in on Dorcas and Marlene snogging, seconds away from actually shagging?"

Remus's book falls down on his face, James leaves a large ink splotch on his essay and Peter squeaks so loudly he actually falls out of the chair

But Sirius doesn't even look up from his book and just turns the page

"Well I'd imagine because they like and are attracted to each other, Lily"

"But--but you're--the two of you--you're--"

"Friends yes. With both of them, actually. Sit down, Lils, have a cuppa"

Remus whisks the book off his face, just staring at Sirius

James says "But you're dating Marlene"

"Don't know where you got that idea, we've never said it" he turns another page

Marlene and Dorcas come down by now and Marlene perches on the armrest next to Sirius, who readjusts himself immediately to accommodate her because despite the fact that she has what he thinks he can never achieve he is so brilliantly happy for her

And Lily just stares at the two of them, then at Dorcas and Marlene's linked hands and "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS"

And Marlene just blinks and without missing a beat goes "Well not anymore"

[danandthereader]

So I was watching Disney's Tarzan and thought it'd be a cool promt idea for a Explorer!Reader and a Wildman!Danny cute fluffy story of getting to know one another. But if youre not taking requests I understand!

A/N: Oh lovely, this is such an inspiring and interesting prompt; thank you for sending it in ! I had so much fun filling it. ♡ Sorry this got a little long; I feel like I spent a lot of time establishing the little world they were in rather than actual dialogue, but I think it came out good despite. I hope you enjoyed; heart you !

A TOUCH OF THE WILD

Despite being the only person in this part of the forest, there was life and sound going on all around you. The sound of your boots leaving impressions in the damp ground was almost drowned out by the birds calling, the bugs buzzing, the overall atmosphere thick with noise as much as heat. Thankfully your father and his partners had left you opt for something as practical as their uniforms - the khaki shorts and thin button-up kept you much cooler and more agile than any dress ever could.You’d been traversing this area for the past hour or so, camera around your neck, eyes constantly scanning the treetops for any movement. With all the sounds, there was the distant call of gorillas cutting through the noise every once and a while that warned you to stay on your toes. The wild was unpredictable, no matter how beautiful; you couldn’t get lost in your daydreams or photo lens.

As you ventured further into the thick of it, the noises came and went, growing quieter and louder, a natural ebb and flow to the world above you. You were just a guest in this area, entirely out of place despite the matching color scheme, and you wouldn’t be here for much longer. You cared just as much for this environment as your father did.You took a step around a large tree stump when it happened, the sudden silence. It was easy to catch - it was like someone had hit mute on a remote, and all you could hear was your breathing. Turning your eyes to the treetops, you looked around frantically, the silence bringing a quickly-rising panic that a threat was imminent. A leopard, a panther, a cheetah, some kind of big something that definitely ran faster than you did and would tear you to pieces if you even tried to run…In terms of a weapon, all you had on you was a small pocket knife, and you weren’t about to start hitting with the camera. Continuing to look about, you listened hard for something, anything that could tell you which way it was coming from, what kind of something it might be, and which way to run.A beat, then here it was - a gentle, familiar titter that made you relax only minimally.There were monkeys about.As you tried to slow your heartbeat and breathing, the chittering began again, ranging from low and rough to high and young. It came from all sides, more than one, more than five. A whole family of them seemed to be in the trees, and when you blinked, they seemed to just appear. Your assumptions were correct - you were absolutely surrounded by big and small gorillas alike,all eyes on you, the intruder, sizing you up, judging on weather you were a real threat or not.

Part of you wondered if talking would do anything. Most monkeys were incredibly intelligent creatures, but all of them were still wild, feral, no doubt easily frightened by loud noises and sudden movements.But, as you looked around, your eyes landed on something that made them widen. All of the creatures in the trees weren’t creatures at all.He was midway up on a thick branch, but he was easy to spot, with his wild curls and sharp features. It was a man, built from swinging and jumping, built for the jungle, shining with sweat and humidity, in nothing more than a pair of khaki shorts that looked about half a size too big for him. Was this where the missing pair of shorts your father had went? The thought made you bite back a smile.Dark eyes were studying you, just like the rest of them, but when you two locked eyes, something else lingered there, something almost resembling familiarity. Question after question came up, settling right on the tip of your tongue, but holding back. Did he even understand English?The first question: weather the two of you could communicate. You wanted to, so bad, not just because he was a person in the jungle who seemed to be entirely one with the gorillas, but because you were so sick and tired of trying to have any sort of meaningful conversation with your father’s team. Maybe you wouldn’t get anything meaningful out of this, at least emotionally, but it was better than nothing. So you tried with a simple, “Hello there.”Just as you spoke the words, he jumped down from the branch, landing in front of you on all fours with a solid thunk, and earning a sharp yelp from you. Then, for a few moments, the two of you just looked at one another, one of your feet poised back to run, his eyes scanning you. There was a slow, minute head tilt on his end, and one on your’s to match. Without thinking, you slowly bent, mimicking his position as well, which was mimicking a gorilla’s, hoping this would show that you meant no harm. The family above you were making noises, a language you couldn’t understand, watching you do what you did with just as judgemental and hesitant eyes as the stranger in front of you.

Then, slowly, he closed the distance between you. He moved like one of them, keeping expertly balanced on all fours and back arched just so, and part of you wanted to scoot back. Close proximity to strangers was one thing, but an otherwise feral man who wouldn’t take his eyes off of you? It was something that made your heart pick up. But you stayed still, that same fear of being chased after and torn apart keeping you frozen in place. He came close enough to touch, to pick out the small, faded scar down his brow, the light flecks of green in his eyes, before he moved away from you. Or, rather, around. For a few moments, there was quiet again, even in the trees around you, only broken by his occasional sniff. More judging to see if you were a threat to him, to his family, to the jungle. Good day to wear deoderant, you supposed.When he came back to face you, he seemed a little more relaxed, like he’d made the call that you weren’t going to hurt him or the other. You were expecting him to let out a grunt or a noise resembling the others, but instead, almost parroting your tone from a moment ago, he repeated, “Hello there.”It earned him a blink, then a slow, small smile. “You can talk?” you asked hopefully, but all you got was another head tilt. Not much, he concluded. “Do you have a name?”That seemed to register, because he puffed up his chest a little in a sort of prideful way. “Dan.” Easy.It made you smile more. “Dan,” you repeated, nodding a little. “It’s nice to meet you. And your family.” You nodded to the treetops then, where the discussion had begun again, a little lighter-sounding now, like they were okay with you too. At the mention of his family, he actually smiled as well, teeth straight and white despite the seemingly wild upbringing.

With the atmosphere changed, you change positions, albiet slowly. From all fours you went to a sitting position, and after a moment, he followed along. Crossing one leg over the other, sitting cross-legged on the damp, warm ground, you two almost looked normal.There were so many questions you had, so many things you wanted to teach him, show him, tell him. You could take him back to the others, and all together you could teach him how to speak, how to write, and get him properly dressed. Ideas came with the questions, hopes and excitement, all plain as day on your features and stuffing your mouth full of words you couldn’t quite sort out.One thing did keep popping up, though. It was a small thing, sort of petty, sillier than all the rest. “Do you want a hairtie?”A blank look was all you got in response. So, you turned your head, showing the band holding your own hair in a bun; you pointed to them. “Hairtie. To keep your hair out of your face?” Just to drive the point home further, you patted your head. Dan followed the motion, patting his own head, but still not quite understanding. His eyebrows had furrowed, like he really was trying to, but the language barrier was too thick to get through.Without really thinking how he’d respond, you got onto all fours again, making him start. “It’s okay,” you reassured him, voice gentle, keeping your head bowed and eyes off of his. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” He stayed sitting, letting you go around him. Broad back, tanned, toned, and still slick, you knew that he’d appreciate the thick hair off his neck, even if he didn’t understand why. “I promise.” He probably didn’t understand the concept of promises either, but it was the truth. All you wanted was to see him smile again.Taking the band from your wrist, you gently pulled his hair back away from his face. Each time you touched him, he jumped a little, but you continued, careful not to tug too hard on his hair or tie the bun too tight. You were quiet as you did it, concentrating on his movements more than your own, years of practice pulling your own hair back almost putting you into auto-pilot.“All right. All done.” It was about as neat as it could be, but you were happy with it.When he looked back at you, he was smiling, but it was a much softer, more realer sort of smile. It made your heart leap.You did it.

[doggodysk-blog]

I seriously underrated The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

**Some minor spoilers contained in this review**

I won’t beat around the bush, BOTW isn’t just the best game I’ve played this year, it’s the best game I’ve played in a long, long time. Maybe ever. This is coming from someone who was skeptical of an open-world Zelda game, as Ocarina of Time was my favorite Zelda game before this, I really enjoyed the traditional dungeon and progression.

I don’t say “potentially the best game I’ve ever played” lightly. I went into this game critically, looking for things it didn’t do well. And, of course, there are some things it doesn’t do quite as well as others. However, overall, the game is a true masterpiece and a testament to everything Nintendo’s creative minds are capable of. I truly think that nearly everything implemented in this game is implemented nearly perfectly.

The Not So Good

This is all I can think of for negatives. While this seems like a long list, a lot of critical thinking about the game went into this, and, for the most part, these are all very minor. I cannot stress this enough, these negatives DO NOT even come close to detracting from the overall experience of the game. I am only listing these to try to be as objective and honest as I can, as I believe calling it a “perfect” game would be disingenuous.

Graphics and Art

The game can drop in FPS pretty significantly, particularly when there are a lot of particles or in large fights.

Some character models aren’t very visually appealing. Compared to the beauty of the world, character models are somewhat lackluster, particularly their faces.

Enemies

Enemy difficulty can be a little low. The first time or two, Major Tests of Strength or Hinoxes or Lynels were tricky. However, after those times, I never really struggled to fight them and win. I’m sure my thoughts on this will change once I start my Master playthrough.

There isn’t an enormous amount of enemy variations.

Puzzles

Some puzzles can be a bit finicky, especially motion control puzzles. Usually it’s not too bad and just requires a few tries, but it can be bothersome at times.

While they were fun and well designed, the Divine Beasts really didn’t take much time to get through compared to the rest of the game. I would have liked to see them take a tad bit longer.

Considering how there is no way (that I know of) to locate Korok Seed puzzles via the map/Shiekah Locator, it can be somewhat tedious to expand your inventory. Perhaps it would be better if you needed an extra seed every two upgrades instead of one, or implement a way to find the seeds.

*Further reading has shown that this problem is solved by one of the DLC’s which I have not read yet.

Weapons and Items

While the weapon durability system is a lot better than I expected it to be, and I actually think the system as a whole adds to the game, I think weapons should all have a bit more durability.

Special arrows are a bit expensive, and hard to find from chests and enemy bases. I would like to see them show up in chests a bit more often, especially considering the amount of basic swords and bows I find. This affected me more than it may affect other people, because I have been going for a stealth-archer style character.

Mechanics and Systems

Link is weirdly bad at swimming, considering how good he is at climbing. There have been times where I was feet from shore and drowned. This can be pretty frustrating.

The Shrine locator is a bit noisy.

In some areas, it rains just a tad bit too much.

Personal Complaints

This is a personal preference and not objective nor does it really detract from the game, but I don’t like the fact that there is voice acting. I prefer Zelda games to only have the unintelligible noise when you interact with someone and background music.

This is a complaint of mine personally but also a testament to the scope of the game: there’s a bit too much to do. I’m a completionist and really like to complete games I play 100%, especially if they are games I really enjoy. There is just so much. The most tedious is the astounding 700 Korok seeds. I plan on completing everything but the Korok seeds, but the fact that there are so many of them is a bit annoying to me as a completionist.

The Good

As I’ve already said, this game is astounding. One could write a book about how incredible the game design of BoTW is. It’s simultaneously intricate yet simple, easy yet with an infinite skill ceiling. This game will be studied by developers for years to come.

The World of BoTW

The world is gorgeous, and huge. Everywhere I go, I am struck by the beauty and the atmosphere. Every ridge I climb up, I come across a beautiful landscape view. I personally don’t enjoy exploring open-world games that much in general, but BOTW has completely changed that. Everywhere I explore is fun and exciting.

Continuing off of the last point in the last paragraph, the world is dense. I’m very rarely bored while roaming through the world. Whether it’s needing to go quickly so that my Fire Resistance Potion doesn’t wear off, needing to stealthily navigate a field to avoid Guardians, coming across a large Bokoblin camp, seeing old chests hidden in lakes, finding interesting NPC’s and doing missions for them, or simply coming across shrines and towers, there is always something to do.

The world is fully open, but you’re never lost. In a lot of open-world games, I find myself going in a direction where I shouldn’t be and either be turned back because I shouldn’t go that way or getting lost. In BoTW, they deter exploration into later areas by putting you up against enemies that are difficult. You could push your way through, but it will be challenging, and you are usually naturally and intuitively led on a path of enemies that of an appropriate difficulty. Before going into the game, I felt I would feel overloaded with options, but I usually am able to intuitively do what seems right to me. This fully open-world also makes the game excellent for speed running, as you are only limited by how good you are.

The Beauty in the Details

The Towns and Villages are all thought out with incredible amounts of detail. They each have distinct cultures and histories that are reflected through the architecture, lifestyle, and personalities of the NPC’s. Whether it’s a laid-back beach village or a prosperous, modern town that was mostly unaffected by the Calamity, each town and village is fun and engaging to explore.

Speaking of NPC’s, they’re very well-written. Even basic NPC’s in towns and on paths all have personality quirks that make them entertaining to talk to. BoTW has perhaps the most well-written NPC’s in any game I’ve played. Every one has a witty anecdote or hints at a treasure or shrine.

The world is full of small bits of history that paint a large picture of the history of the world of Hyrule. Each book you read or slate you find tells a story, and when you put them together, you get a fully fleshed out history of not just Hyrule, but each area and each Village.

Puzzles and Quests

The quests are abundant and fun. There are few “filler” quests that I have come across, almost all of them are either genuinely fun or very short. My favorite of these quests are Shrine quests, which offer puzzles in the forms of riddles. These are very creative and often times quite tricky to decipher.

The puzzle system is well-thought and a refreshing shift from traditional puzzles. The tutorial section does a good job of introducing the basic concepts of the Sheikah Slate’s abilities as well as showing that puzzles often have more to them than meets the eye. The player quickly learns that most puzzles have a relatively basic main path following a certain theme, and side paths which offer secret rewards for taking the themes learned from the main puzzle, and making them more complex.

Mechanics and Systems

The stealth system is, surprisingly, extremely well done. I went into the game knowing stealth was a possibility, but thinking it wouldn’t be a fully-fleshed system. Regardless of that, I knew I wanted to attempt a stealth playthrough, and wow. After honing my skills for the first few hours of the game, such as landing headshots, target selection, and use of my environment, I could easily clear most camps without being detected with some thought. As someone who loves stealth games, I really appreciate this system.

Outside of perhaps Dark Souls, the sword fighting system is the best of any game I’ve played. It does an excellent job of being interactive, rewarding good timing, giving you options, and allowing for personal skill progression. At first, I was slightly concerned that the controls weren’t very intuitive and that I would struggle to implement it in fights, however, with just minutes of practice, I was able to get a solid grasp of it. The sword combat system is an excellent example of “Easy to Learn, Hard to Master.”

The physics and weather systems make the world feel alive. I haven’t played a game that has put this much attention to science details. The biology of the animals matches their terrain. Things that you think should work, work. If you have a metal weapon out in a thunderstorm, you’ll get struck by lightning. Hot air will rise, so if you set something on fire, you are able to use that to your advantage. Rain makes things slippery, but usually not impassable (if you have enough stamina).

Additional Aspects

There are a lot of fun things to do on the side of the game, such as experimenting with cooking and potions, or filling out your Hyrule Compendium. There is always something to keep you from getting bored.

I’m a sucker for games with multiple playstyles, and the armor system in the game does that very well. For instance, I played mostly with the stealth armor, but you could also use armor that helps you climb better, swim faster, or be protected from certain elements. Another thing the armor system does very well is give you collecting options. You can buy pieces of armor from stores around the land, or you can earn them from various missions.

While the game doesn’t require exploration, it encourages it in a very natural way. If you want to upgrade your health or stamina, or want to get more inventory, or want better food and potions, or want more powerful weapons, then you’ll have to explore. None of these are required to finish the game whatsoever, but are accessible and fun to look for. I believe that the natural and flawless way that they encourage you to explore the beautiful open world they have created is the pinnacle of all of the excellent game design that BoTW exhibits, and future open-world games will look to BoTW for inspiration for how to create their own worlds.

Summary

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is the best thing the gaming community has scene in quite some time. It marks a positive shift not only for the Legend of Zelda franchise, but for open-world games as a whole. Despite its few minor flaws, this game is a masterpiece from the largest of scales down to the tiniest of details.

[charliejrogers]

Best of 2017

Below is my list of the 40 best movies of 2017. Why 40? Because that’s all the movies I saw. In full disclosure, I have a life and must attend school so I didn’t get to see every notable release this year, so if you’re wondering why Thor: Ragnorok, Coco, Mother!, Jumanji, Justice League, I Tonya, Disaster Arist, or Blade Runner aren’t on the list… it’s because I didn’t get to see them. And also in full disclosure, I did get to watch the first half of Battle of the Sexes but fell asleep for the second half. That fact is not indicative of that film’s quality - I was just really tired when I saw it - but it didn’t feel right rating a movie I’d only seen the first half of. So without further ado, here’s my list.

0.5/4.0 Stars

40 The Little Hours

1.5/4.0 Stars

39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2

2.0/4.0 Stars

38 Beauty & the Beast

37 Okja

2.5/4.0 Stars

36 The Trip to Spain

35 A Ghost Story

34 Kong: Skull Island

33 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

32 Dunkirk

31 Logan Lucky

30 American Made

29 Lost City of Z

28 Phantom Thread

3.0/4.0 Stars

27 It

26 Lady Macbeth

25 Ingrid Goes West

24 Call Me By Your Name

23 Spider-Man: Homecoming

22 Detroit

21 Brad’s Status

20 Logan

19 Wind River

18 War for the Planet of the Apes

3.5/4.0 Stars

17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected

15 Get Out

14 The Post

13 Wonder Woman

12 The Lego Batman Movie

11 Darkest Hour

10 The Beguiled

9 Mudbound

8 Shape of Water

4.0/4.0 Stars

7 Sanctuary

6 The Big Sick

5 The Florida Project

4 Baby Driver

3 Columbus

2 Good Time

1 Lady Bird

Do you disagree with the list? Well check out below to see my thoughts on each of the films.

40 The Little Hours

This movie is wholly terrible. It’s jokes include extended sequences of rape, sexual manipulation, and cruel beatings. Please don’t let the truly all-star cast fool you, this movie sucks.

Movies that had probably had some great scenes but were overall not satisfying: (1.5-2 stars)

39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2

The sophomore slump hit Star Lord & co. hard. Compared to the grand set pieces of the first film, the isolated focus on Quill and his father really hindered the fun, action-packed hi-jinks fans expected from the first film. The soundtrack almost single handedly prevented this from being an outright terrible movie.

38 Beauty & the Beast

It will be interesting in the long run to compare the quality of these live-action remakes to the animated originals. Jungle Book was great, but it helped that it’s source material was a superficial 60s musical with lots of room for expansion. Beauty & the Beast was heralded as a masterpiece back in 1991, even being nominated for an Oscar for best picture. Not best animated picture. BEST PICTURE. The Emma Watson version? Not so much. It’s boring.

37 Okja

Snowpiercer is an awesome movie. It’s perfectly paced world building combined beautifully with its creative action sequences (creative both in terms of plotting and in filming). The second English-language film from director Bong Joon-Ho? Nowhere as good. Maybe I’m too jaded… but I didn’t feel any real connection to the titular Beast (the hippo/cow named Okja) or the dangers it faced. And Tilda Swinton (who was fantastic in Snowpiercer) is too abrasive and, frankly, too odd to be taken seriously as a person. And that’s to say nothing of Jake Gyllenhal’s lunatic of a character. Skip it.

Just shy of being good, but are Solid movies.(2.5 stars)

36 The Trip to Spain

It’s kind of hard to fault Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in any meaningful way, since anyone who has seen the first two movies in this trilogy knows exactly what to expect (and really, who but anyone who has seen the first two movies would see this?). They know to expect impressions of famous British actors by two very talented impression artists. They know to expect two actors playing irritatingly arrogant caricatures of themselves. And they know to expect a movie devoid of plot, purpose, and interesting dialogue. That said, you come for the impressions, and Coogan and Brydon will always deliver on those (Mick Jagger and David Bowie being my two favorite additions to the duo’s repertoire.) just don’t expect much else.

35 A Ghost Story

This whole movie seemed to walk the line between a solid indie movie and a parody of a self-important movie. The central gimmick of the film involves Casey Affleck spending the vast majority of the film under a white sheet following his character’s death as the character’s ghost continues to pine after a love lost. When the film focuses on the futility of grief (particular in scenes where Rooney Mara is involved), it is moving. When it tries to make larger philosophical statements about what it means to inhabit land, it gets silly.

34 Kong: Skull Island

I watched this movie hoping to see some cool action sequences of King Kong and dinosaurs. It delivered, though no dinosaurs, but “Skeleton Walkers”. Cool Vietnam War-era atmosphere. The Samuel L. Jackson character is so angry towards Kong as to defy logical sense and the plot is threadbare, but John C. Reilly does wonders when he enters the film midway for comic relief.

33 Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

I wanted to like this movie more. I tried to like it more. It has so much going for it: A pair of knock out performances by Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson, often fascinating and engaging dialogues and monologues a la the Coen Brothers, and an intriguing premise in a mother trying to discover her daughter’s murderer. It falls apart for me because many of the supporting characters are more caricature than people, especially the insufferable bigoted police officer played by Sam Rockwell. The film is far more interested in developing the character of this unwatchable man than in ever dealing with the McDormand character’s grief, and Harrelson exits the film far too early. There are individual scenes that shine, but the sum of the film’s parts falls flat.

32 Dunkirk

I like Christopher Nolan. I really do. That said, I haven’t liked anything that he’s done since 2010. Dark Knight Rises was bloated, and Interstellar somehow doubled down on the bloat. Dunkirk, while beautifully shot and containing some truly gripping looks at the brutality of war, just never clicked with me. I particularly found the film’s tripartite structure, jumping between three stories whose chronological length differed significantly, more distracting than revelatory.

31 Logan Lucky

Appropriately nicknamed “Seven Eleven,” Steven Soderberg’s first heist movie since the Ocean’s trilogy adapts the standard caper film tropes to a down-to-Earth, working-class West Virginia setting. It’s unclear throughout if Soderberg is mocking his blue collar characters’ way of life or celebrating it, and the humor, particularly in scenes between Channing Tatum and Adam Driver, never quite clicks. But Logan Lucky probably includes the most intelligent, clever, and fun-to-watch heist in any movie. Period. If only the movie were even half as smart and entertaining as the heist it is about.

30 American Made

Doug Liman, The Director of American Made, so badly and clearly wants people to confuse this film with something from the Scorsese catalog. But this is a poor man’s Wolf of Wall Street or Goodfellas. It tries to glorify and legitimize the life of a criminal, and it hits all the highlights. It’s loosely (very loosely) based on real life smuggler Barry Seal. There’s clever heists and crimes. Shady dealings. A big budget plane crash into a suburban neighborhood. And all of it is shot and directed with a fun, vivacious energy. The problem is that this film fails to hit the hard emotional punches. There’s no equivalent to Joe Pesce “getting made” or even a real sense of come-uppance that eventually hit Jordan Belford. There’s a montage in this movie of Tom Cruise scared to start his car due to fear it’s been rigged to explode. What could have been a tone-altering sequence for the film that would bestow a great deal of gravitas, is used for laughs. And that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s entertaining and probably worth watching, and Tom Cruise is as cocky as ever in the lead role, but there’s nothing under the surface.

29 Lost City of Z

The is the most action-less adventure story ever told. The life of British explorer Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) and his explorations through the South American Amazon plays out at about the speed of a turtle. I’m not gonna say I was ever bored, because I wasn’t, but I was kind of waiting the whole movie for something exciting to happen and it never does. The film makes being captured by natives look as routine as a DMV visit. The movie is divided into a few key locations. There’s Britain where Fawcett spends so little of his life and where his wife (Sienna Miller as a progressive woman railing against the monotony of housewifery) and children lives. There’s The Amazon, and there’s briefly France for Fawcett’s stint as an officer in WWI. As you’ll be unsurprised if you’ve glanced at my review of Wonder Woman below, that the WWI section was my favorite. Perhaps it’s my fault for expecting something more out action of this film, but I think it even fails on the grounds of what it tries to be: a character study. Fawcett’s character is so thinly drawn and his motivations so weak, that when his son (Tom Holland) calls him out on it it’s a breath of fresh air - but then his son and wife later validates his motivations and the movie makes him out to be an unqualified hero - a champion of viewing Natives as more than savages. Fawcett did incredible things in his life, sure, but I don’t think he’s any hero. I don’t know - the movie could have been better.

28 Phantom Thread

The first half of this movie I consider excitingly British-boring, like an episode of Downton Abbey or The Crown. High class British people of the past dealing with first world problems, if well acted, well costumed, and well written, will always be entertaining to me no matter if what’s at stake is who will marry whom or, in this case, whether a dress will be ready on time. But the first half of the movie particularly shines because Daniel Day-Lewis plays the stereotypical controlling genius who society forgives because he’s so brilliant to the T. He’s insufferable, petty, emotionally stunted, and a joy to watch. And the whole first half of the film builds to a moment where Lewis’ girlfriend, a meek waitress played by Vicky Krieps, calls him out on all his bullshit. In the midst of the #MeToo era, her speech railing against his dominating, controlling behavior feels entirely appropriate. And as an audience member you expect the movie to go in a certain direction in the second half… and it doesn’t. At the risk of spoilers I won’t say more, but your response to film’s plot in its second act will be the deciding factor about whether or not you enjoy this film. For me, I did not, which is a shame because I liked the first half so much.

Good, not great movies:(3 stars)

27 It

I have never seen the original It movie or read the book, but based on the infamous boat scene that circulated virally on YouTube and the premise of a killer ghost clown… I wasn’t too pumped to see It. I happily had my expectations reversed. It is perhaps unfair to say the movie borrows from Stranger Things since that show definitely borrows heavily from Stephen King, but it’s hard to deny the similarities between the two 1980s set stories of kids against a cosmic beast. It featured incredible performances from its teenaged cast, with Jaeden Lieberher truly shining as the lead, but overall the movie felt overly long and oddly enough lacking the tension required of a remarkable thriller. Plus, I had far too many questions leaving the theater about the nature of Pennywise and so on for it to qualify as having a completely coherent plot. But as far as coming of age movies disguised as horror movies go, when It focused on the kids and less on Pennywise it was entirely engrossing.

26 Lady Macbeth

Lady Macbeth was a fascinating little film out of the UK about the extents (often violent) one woman would go to achieve freedom in an incredibly oppressive patriarchy. At just 22 Florence Pugh turns in a masterful performance of a woman wracked with guilt but full of pride in her freedom. She’s at once both sympathetic and monstrous, and watching her go from one to the other is worthy of the film’s Shakespearean title. Only complaint was that the movie, despite being only 90 minutes still felt it dragged a little in places.

25 Ingrid Goes West

What an interesting movie. Aubrey Plaza still seems to be playing the same Aubrey Plaza character she’s played in literally everything she’s been in, but this time it’s different. Rather than accepting Plaza’s character’s usual eccentric behavior as just par for the course, in Ingrid Goes West, these same behaviors are frightening. Obsessive, sociopathic, paranoid. That is the character Aubrey Plaza plays as her Ingrid travels Westward with the inheritance from her mother’s demise to emulate and become Taylor Sloane - a wonderfully basic Elizabeth Olson - someone she found on Instagram - avocado toast and all. As a movie that tries to make a statement about the ill-effects of social media on society, the movie falls flat. But viewed in the line of movies like Taxi Driver, Nightcrawler, etc. that is, movies that present the inner workings of sociopaths, Ingrid Goes West is an admirable demonstration of what Travis Bickle would look like in 2017. Also, poor O’Shea Jackson Jr. All his character wanted was to talk about Batman - and instead Ingrid ruins his life. Sad!

24 Call Me By Your Name

I’ve struggled to rate this movie fairly. One the one hand, I found it kind of boring. I found what the characters and movie deemed a meaningful relationship between Elio and Oliver to be based on little more than the fact that both were open to male on male sex. Their dialogue was supposed to come off as playfully hostile and full of sexual tension, but i just saw Oliver, played by Hammer, playing hard to get a little too well. Maybe I just wasn’t picking up the signs, but to my eyes it never seemed like Oliver ever liked Elio. On the other hand, it was a beautifully shot movie, included a scene about IndoEuropean etymology, and another about Greek bronze sculpture. Plus, Michael Stuhlbarg’s heartbreaking speech towards the end (you know which one) almost single handedly prevents this from being rated lower on this list. Thus, I left the movie thinking a lot, which is always a sign that the movie had done something right. Particularly it raised questions about and shed light on the nature, often awkward, of coming out. And for that, I recognize the movie’s importance and beauty. But that doesn’t mean it was my favorite movie to watch this year.

23 Spider-Man: Homecoming

Now for something completely different. Spider-Man: Homecoming is the definition of a mindless, fun summer blockbuster. Tom Holland shines it what is essentially a high-school action movie. It had cool action sequences (Washington Monument) and laughs (thanks Martin Starr - perhaps the best person to to cast as a nerdy high school teacher - , the school’s PA announcements, and the film’s new Spider-Man sidekick… some kid named Ned). Plus the movie’s villainous twist was legitimately a surprise in the best way. That said, Michael Keaton’s Vulture had some questionably plausible motives, with the theme of forgetting about the working class feeling a bit cliche in this film. It’s a real issue, but the movie didn’t really treat it like one. Still, I can’t wait for Spider-Man: Prom as Marvel’s first take at a high school movie was a success, even if it did little to reinvent the wheel.

22 Detroit

Detroit is a movie that tests your endurance and tolerance for brutality. Based on the historical Algiers Motel incident during the contentious race riots in 1967 Detroit, the movie is less about the incident as it is director Katherine Bigelow’s recreation of the event itself. This movie is like if you pieced together all of the scenes from a recreation typically found in a true crime documentary, and then left out the documentary narrative piece. As a result, the movie has little nuance (besides a beautiful opening animating sequence detailing the Great Migration.) Instead viewers are “treated” to two hours of raw violence. It’s not entertaining, and it’s hardly art, but it is engrossing. It stretches the imagination that some people could be so cruel and that more could be so permissive of such cruelty seen here, but at the end of the day 3 black teens ended up dead and nine others beaten… so I can grant Katherine Bigelow some leeway in how the lead racist cop in her film is portrayed as being the devil incarnate. It’s a powerful movie - just not one you’ll want to watch again.

21 Brad’s Status

If your biggest fear is that you’ll never satisfy your life’s largest ambitions… Brad’s Status is the movie for you. Ben Stiller as Brad is a guy who by all measures has a fine life - a loving wife, comfortable job, and a smart kid… any complaint he has is, by definition, a first world problem… but when he sees his old college buddies go on to become uber-successful… well, anyone is bound to get jealous. The movie is a great look at the emptiness so many feel with the direction of their lives, and Ben Stiller as Brad is perfectly cast as an understandable neurotic. While the movie does a great job of setting up Brad’s dilemma over his lack of status, it perhaps “solves” the issue a little lazily. It turns out his “successful” friends? They’re all jerks, crooks, or unhappy… so again we learn that money corrupts… an answer which doesn’t entirely satisfy the audience… or Brad.

20 Logan

If Deadpool showed how an R-rated superhero could look if you think R-rated = potty-mouth… Logan decided to show us what R-rated means in terms of violence. The opening scene where our “hero” eviscerates some gangsters by the side of a desert road is phenomenally beautiful. And the movie remains as bleak throughout - as well as, perhaps surprisingly, very thoughtful. Every scene with Patrick Stewart was beautiful. Beautiful because of his performance, but also because of how smartly written and well-paced his character’s story unfolded. What do you do when a man who could bring the world to its knees with his mind… gets Alzheimer’s? That Stewart was not even in the discussion for an Oscar baffles me. I legitimately lose interest in the film the moment Stewart stops playing as big a role about ¾ of the way through. It’s still a good movie after that point, but the story of mutant kids revolting against their slave drivers holds less power and realism than the story of a powerful man coming to grips with his dementia.

19 Wind River

Hell or High Water was, for me, the surprise hit of 2016, and when I found out that writer Taylor Sheridan was both writing and directing this film I saw it as soon as I could. While the movie may drag in a few spots here and there, it’s a pretty powerful movie about grief. It shares many story beats with Three Billboards but frankly I think this film does a much, much better job of staying focused on what’s most important. No, not the moral awakening of some insufferably racist cop, but the injustice of a girl’s life being ripped away from her family. And, more importantly, the impact that has upon an already depressed community. I don’t know how many movies there are that highlight the ironic contemporary struggle of Native Americans to get by in what should be their own land, but i don’t think there are many others. And for that fact alone Wind River deserves to be seen. While I’ve thus far talked like this movies a masterpiece it’s not. It drags a bit, Jeremy Renner’s character is both a little boring and a little too unbelievably good at his job, and Elizabeth Olsen’s character is a little bit too unbelievably inept at hers. But Sheridan crafts scripts whose violence is so genuinely shocking (no doubt in one place due to a perfectly placed flashback towards the end of the film) that you actually drop your jaw. You’ve seen thousands of people get shot in movies, but never quite like here.

18 War for the Planet of the Apes

Of all the major blockbuster franchises to be churned out these days, few have had the boldness to be both entertaining and artful. The first 15 minutes of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes should be taught at all film schools as the prime example of world building without needing a single spoken word of dialogue. I think overall I liked the new War for the Planet of the Apes a little less than its predecessor, but still more than the reboot’s first entry, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. For starters, this is a long movie and it didn’t need to be so long. That said, it has some of the best symbolism and beautifully structured motifs of any major blockbuster out there. Caesar is at times a Christ figure, a new Moses, and a slave in revolt, and the movie does a fantastic job of never letting these themes lay on too thick. And for a movie about apes, most of the sympathy undoubtedly comes from Andy Serkis. He deserves some sort of award for his work as Caesar… his facial ticks say a million things and more. Combined with the cinematography of the icy blue winter fortress, it’s a beauty to behold. Had the movie been a little tighter, it could have been that much better, but as is there’s still much to enjoy.

Great, fucking movies:(3.5 stars)

17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

By far the most divisive film of 2017, The Last Jedi was… a fine film. Like for every illogical plot point, for every cringeworthily forced joke, for every time that Mark Hamil didn’t know how to act, for every unnecessary venture onto the casino Planet, for every time Leia was a force zombie… I still walked away from the movie feeling satisfied. The action was good and The plot included legitimate surprises. Rian Jonson is many things, but a poor plotter is not one of them. Plus I was just so attracted to the film’s overwhelming feeling of abject failure. Blockbusters are supposed to lift us up and give us hope… but this movie presented an interesting antithesis to all that, even more so than its spiritual predecessor Empire Strikes Back. This movie will and has already been picked apart to death… but I think if someone walked into this movie knowing little about the Jedi, the Force, or who shot first, they would find an entertaining blockbuster and that’s what I saw. Perhaps not the best Star Wars movie… but a fine film.

16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected

Adam Sandler can act? Who knew! I did! I’ve seen Click! Anyways, this was a very good movie all around. There are top notch performances from all of its leads, with a special shout out to the quiet Elizabeth Marvel and the terrifyingly unemotional Hoffman. The films plot focused on three adults’ differing relationships with their father (Dustin Hoffman) an overbearing father and aging sculptor who failed to achieve any success. The script is superb and beautifully crafted. The whole movie can be summed up in three scenes, with each scene showing a different of the three children running. In one, Sandler is running to catch up to his Dad, representing how his character always felt like he had to prove himself to his father. In another Stiller is running in front of his father, just as his character has tried to escape the overbearing smothering pressure of his father. And thirdly Marvel’s character runs from danger but her father plays no role - she unlike her brothers has managed to shed the shadow of her father. The movie has some missteps in failed jokes (Sandler’s daughter’s movies?) and is a little long which keep it from being an instant classic, but it’s very well done.

15 Get Out

The best horror movie In a decade isn’t much of a horror movie. There are few jump scares and there’s hardly a real enough sense of danger to raise the audience’s blood pressure. But as a drama that intends to say a thing or two about America’s racial issues, this is a damn good movie. The script is extremely well-crafted and the story’s mysteries unfold in such an organic way. You’ll have thought you have it all figured out at least 3 times before the truth is revealed, and the “truth” actually makes sense and appears unforced unlike the twists in many movies of this type. There’s an alternate ending to this film you can find online where Director Peele could have pushed this movie to make a stronger statement about race… I wish he had. He used a half-measure when he should have used a full measure. The movie as a whole can be a little slow at times… but the ending action sequence and the film’s tone and message throughout more than make up for it.

14 The Post

The best newspaper movies are those that are procedural. Films like Spotlight or All the President’s Men made you feel like you were part of the investigation, highlighting the excitement and importance of mundane tasks like combing through directories of priests or tracking down witnesses that ultimately lead to giant breakthroughs. The Post has none of this. The Pentagon Papers literally fall into the lap of the Washington Post and Nixon’s paranoia ensures that The Post will be the only paper with the opportunity to publish. So it’s not a newspaper movie in that it’s not about investigative journalism so much as about the people who run the newspapers and their commitment to the first amendment. As a result, it’s preachy and a little too on the nose for those of us bombarded daily with claims of fake news. That said, it’s still Spielberg so it’s incredibly well-crafted and entertaining and Meryl Streep is fantastic in drawing out the complexity of Kay Graham. And who doesn’t love seeing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross side by side?

13 Wonder Woman

The undersaturation of the movie market with movies about World War I is a shame. Compare it with World War II which has a minimum of 4 movies a year… always. But where WWII is so often portrayed as the heroic triumph of good over evil or dives into the heinousness of the Holocaust, rarely does it get the chance to just pause and question the brutality of war itself. World War I doesn’t have that problem. There was no Hitler, no Nazis, no Holocaust. Just rulers and treaties that led to the senseless loss of life. And it’s this that movies like Joyeux Noel, War Horse, and now Wonder Woman have captured beautifully. Yes, Wonder Woman is a movie about immortal beings and super heroes with lassos of truth… but at its root it’s about the disgusting fact that humans inflict mass pain on each other based on the lightest of pretenses. The movie has a villain… but humanity is the real evil. The plot was smartly put together, the scenery and costumes nail the period, and the budding romance between Chris Pine and Gal Gadot is a treat to watch. But it’s film’s depiction of the senselessness of war (embodied in Wonder Woman’s shell-shocked Scottish companion.) that really sold me. This movie was far more moving than it deserved to be for a silly super hero movie, but it deserves its praise.

12 The Lego Batman Movie

Perhaps this of all the choices on this list will be the one to not age well… but when I saw this movie I was thoroughly pleased. Not only was it an entertaining and funny beyond a “kid’s” film, it was a parodic love letter to the Caped Crusader. I did not see 2017’s Justice League… but I can safely say this is the best Batman movie since 2008’s Dark Knight. The whole plot of this Lego movie is in fact a direct play on a line of dialogue from The Dark Knight. There the Joker tells Batman, “You complete me,” a line which in its context embodies a central theme throughout Batman lore: does Batman exist because Gotham is full of criminals, or is Gotham full of criminals because Batman attracts them. Here though, the line is taken at face value in its pseudo-romantic sense - Joker pledges his “love” for Batman and here he gets denied. And the world hath seen no wrath as a Joker scorned. It’s a funny set-up that leads to a fun who’s-who of villains from across the Batverse and beyond. The film is anchored in the now-classic Lego movie sense of humor. Special props to Will Arnett’s arrogant, self-centered turn as the lead and to Michael Cera’s bubblingly boyish Dick Grayson/Robin. The two have a perfect comedic give and take. It’s as if the whole movie is a side project of Arrested Development with a young George Michael Bluth playing along with the delusional fantasies of his Uncle GOB. Tobias would of course be Mr. Freeze - he already blued himself.

11 Darkest Hour

Who was Winston Churchill? I’m still not quite sure. The movie presented him as a drunk, surely, but also scared, crude, abrasive, confused, a little Alzheimer’s-y at times… but the least I can say is that he deserved my respect by the end of the film and that’s what the movie wanted from me. Gary Oldman is amazing in this movie and other people could speak more eloquently about his performance. But he’s not alone and Ben Mendehlsson as King George and Stephen Dillane as the preposterously prissy Lord Halifax deserve special praise. Lily James as Churchill’s secretary does not though… her role was kinda pointless… But what really caught my eye about this movie is it’s beautiful cinematography. The movie plays with light and dark so well - fitting for its title. Plus the movie tells the story of the Dunkirk travesty from such an interesting perspective. The knowledge of Hitler’s ultimate intentions today make it difficult to swallow arguments of the past that peace might have been possible, but the film does a great job of establishing tension in a conflict where everyone in the audience knows the resolution. There are times when you wonder along with Churchill whether peace might be worth pursuing. However, if you, like me, enjoy getting your history from film, You’ll likely be saddened as i was to learn that the scene where Churchill goes into the Tube and talks to the common folk for inspiration was all made up for the movie… still, the scene’s pretty magical to watch. So everyone plays their roles to the T and the pictures are pretty. If that’s not enough for you, just watch this as an antidote to watching the lifeless Dunkirk. Ugh. Fuck Dunkirk.

10 The Beguiled

This is an extremely moody, brooding film that sticks with much you longer than you’d think. It’s really a short, little movie at only 94 minutes long, but director Sophia Coppola packs that time full of lust-filled intrigue and tension. If you ever wonders what happens when a house full of sexually repressed women in the 1860s encounters a wounded soldier who’s happy to “please”… the answer is not a lot of good. This is not a porno. If anything this movie takes a male fantasy and turns it into a nightmare. Elle Fanning, Kirsten Dunst, and Nicole Kidman play a fearfully tempting trio, each approaching the mysterious figure of Colin Farrell with their own motivations. Elle as a young woman exploring her sexuality, Kirsten as a woman sheltered for too long and yearns for the companionship, while Kidman as the older woman wants to feel love again… yet Colin cannot have all three and tries anyways… and the result is chilling and creepy reminder that you don’t mess with the heart of a woman. It’s Like Gone Girl in this sense, but better because this movie’s actually rewatchable and the perspective is entirely female-centric.

9 Mudbound

Somewhere online this movie is described as “literary in the best sense” and that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s a sprawling character-based epic that charts the lives of two families, one white, one black, whose lives continue to intersect while living in the 1940s rural South. Like much of the 19th c. and early 20th c. American literature, the big takeaway is that life in the country is miserable and prone to stagnation (a little stuck in the mud if you will). And Carey Mulligan’s role as a sophisticated woman forced into the staid life on the farm is practically a carbon copy of the main character in Willa Cather’s “Wagner Matinee” - and that’s a good thing. Mary J. Blige looks really cool with her sunglasses but also does a great job acting as the loving matriarch of her family - in fact the whole cast is pretty incredible. However the heart of the film is the friendship that forms between the veterans returning from WWII- one from each family. Garrett Hedlund and Jason Mitchell carry well the invisible wounds of war and the movie does a great job of highlighting the great injustice and indifference our society all too often places upon the plight of veterans - especially those who are also racial minorities. It’s a movie both reflective of its period’s morals, and a reminder of how close in time we are to some of our nation’s worst racially-based hate crimes.

8 Shape of Water

Love comes in all shapes and sizes - a theme Hollywood has pushed on us for decades. But here the trite fairy tale truism is made fresh… precisely because director Guillermo del Toro does not hide the fact that his Shape of Water - though a movie for adults with rather graphic violence and sex - is a fairy tale. Its love is both unbelievable and beautiful. The film tries to say something about the civil rights movement and oppression in its portrayal of the stigmatized relationship between woman and fish monster… but I personally found those parallels a bit wonky. The film works best as a simple story devoid of overt politics. Few scenes this year are as heartwarming as two rain droplets dancing on the side of a bus window as it races through the night or a dance scene between a fish monster and a woman filmed in the black and white style of the grand musicals of Old Hollywood. The movie includes a heist (the best!), Communist intrigue, comedy, and an amazing villain in Michael Shannon. That guy’s face is made to be evil. Sally Hawkins, Octavia Spencer, Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Jenkins round out a superbly talented cast and the movie is a joy to watch. It was clear this was a work of love for delToro and though it’s not my favorite movie this year it deserves all the praise it gets. It’s a technical and moving marvel

Fantastic films (4 stars)

7 Sanctuary

Of all the movies on this list, I’m gonna bet this is the one you’ve never heard of. I’d never heard of it either. It was an accidental find hidden deep in the Hulu catalog which only attracted my roommate’s and my attentions because it was recently voted the best film in Ireland for 2017 according to some Irish critic’s circle. It was never even released in America. I like Irish film, and I loved this movie. It’s an ambitious project - at least by modern standards. A movie about people with intellectual disabilities, whose cast is mostly filled with people with intellectual disabilities, including like 4 people with Downs Syndrome. It’s part comedy, part rom-com, part romantic-drama, and throughout a tragedy. The movie struggles to find a fine line between viewing it’s largely adult cast of people with intellectual disabilities as people who need to be watched after and people who deserve independence and freedom. And that is not a fault of the movie… in real life finding that balance is hard. The movie has you laughing one moment, crying the other, but at all times forcing this viewer at least to challenge his perceptions of those with intellectual disabilities. It’s a powerful movie, an entertaining one, and one which I think all should see.

6 The Big Sick

Yes, this movie may have committed the worst of comedy movie sins - putting the best joke (the one about 9/11) in the trailer - but that doesn’t stop The Big Sick and it’s plot from surprising. I won’t spoil the plot because it’s best experienced first hand - but one thing I wish I knew going in is that this is fairly closely based on Kumail Nanjiani’s real life, who wrote the film with his wife Emily V. Gordon. I say this because when I first saw this my complaint was that the plot seemed too unbelievable and were this a purely fictional tale I’d be right - but truth is stranger than fiction. The movie has many thematic parallels with the second episode of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None in that the film presents the real pressures faced by children of immigrants to balance wanting to live a “normal” American life without seeming ungrateful or unappreciative of your parents’ culture and the sacrifices they have made to give their kids a better life. Kumail’s mother may be the “villain” from a plotting perspective, but the film is more nuanced than to portray her as heartless. In fact, the incredible love of a parent for their child is palpable throughout, and Ray Romano and Holly Hunter do wonders portraying a couple who though strained will unite to do anything for their daughter. Like life, the characters are realistic, the conflicts have no easy resolution, and it’s equal parts comical and emotional.

5 The Florida Project

Probably one of the best compliments I can bestow upon any piece of art is, “It reminds me of The Wire.” Yes, I am one of those people… deal with it. But what that to me means, is that this particular work of art manages to present an important social problem in a way that has no clear heroes or villains. Rather, it presents real, flawed humans dealing with a terribly shitty social construct. Here, the social construct is poverty - severe, depressing poverty. What are you supposed to do if you have no money, no home, no hopes for the future? You scam, you prostitute, you lie, you do anything to get by. But the characters in the Florida Project aren’t Robin Hoods or Aladdins - lovable thieves. No, they are often ugly people. This is a movie largely about “white trash” America - or rather people we cast aside without a second thought as white trash. However, what makes this movie so brilliant is that it grounds its message in the perspective of a child. Brooklyn Prince is damn near perfect in her role as the six year-old Moonee, the daughter of the aforementioned lying, scamming, destitute woman. By framing the move from Moonee’s view, director Sean Baker allows the movie to be at one moment light-hearted and the next moment heartbreaking. Like The Wire this movie deserves to be taught in any sociology class alongside any textbook. It’s an insightful look at the way the other half lives that’s full of empathetic humanity without providing its characters forgiveness carte blanche. And as entertainment it’s riveting.

4 Baby Driver

I am confident that this movie will not be as good on a second pass, as it’s more of a roller coaster adrenaline rush than artful film, and once you know all the twists and turns the fun will surely be lessened. But that doesn’t stop the first ride through the life of a bank-robbing getaway driver with a heart from being a hell of a good time. Like Patrick Stewart’s snub for Logan, I am legitimately surprised that there was never ANY talk of best director in the cards for Edgar Wright - though it’s probably a little more accurate to call him a choreographer than director as Baby Driver is, for all intents and purposes, an extended music video. Like Wright’s previous work in the Cornetto trilogy, the soundtrack is an eclectic mix of deep tracks from the mainly 60s/70s, but here the music does more than provide a backdrop to the action; it reflects and informs the action. Car chases are coordinated so that the best parts match musical crescendos. Take for example the foot chase towards to the end of the film set perfectly to Hocus Pocus’s “Focus.” The song alternates between a rocking guitar riff and a yodeling breakdown, and Wright appropriately sets the Chase parts to the guitar part and parts where Baby has to hide to the yodel. But calling it a music video perhaps robs the movie of the fact that it created an interesting cast of characters. Yes, it stars Kevin Spacey… but he’s creepy in this movie so at least art reflects life. But more of interest are Jamie Foxx and Jon Hamm as two of Baby’s slightly unhinged compatriots in bank robbing. Ansel Elgort in the title role carries enough charm and heart to capture audiences, and Lily James as the Southern beauty with the heart of gold is just grungy enough to be the perfect match for Baby’s criminal nature. Few movies have ever been this fun to watch with incredibly coordinated car chases, and the plot carries enough twists and turns to keep audiences on their toes.

3 Columbus

This movie is one of those movies where I can’t really put into words why I liked it. The most obvious reason is the movie’s scenery. Set entirely in the small town of Columbus, IN, a real town renowned across the world for its collection of buildings made in the modernist style. The town is shot beautifully and even if the movie weren’t good otherwise, it’d be worth a glance for the pictures. However, the plot is good. It’s a two-for-one with two of my favorite themes. One plot deals with the coming of age of a teenaged girl who’s too smart to get stuck in a dead end town. The other deals with a son comings to terms with his troubled relationship with his father. As I said, the movie is slow and I won’t claim to fully believe that in real life a relationship would have formed between the two main characters - it’s a little forced. But the emotions of the movie are undeniably real and it never feels like melodrama. This is one of the few movies where upon watching I immediately wanted to watch it again.

2 Good Time

Unlike Columbus, I was happy when Good Time ended and did not want to watch it again. It’s not because it’s a bad movie - far from it. But it paints such an ugly, depressing, and frankly terrifyingly real view of humanity that you’re happy when it’s finally over. This is film at its most linear (aside from one notable flashback that ranks among the best flashbacks of all time) and that’s not a complaint. The film’s runs quickly from start to finish like a bullet. The story is one of survival, as Robert Pattinson’s Nicky tries to free his accomplice and brother from custody while avoiding the cops himself following a botched bank robbery. This is not a light hearted bank heist movie like the Oceans movies, Baby Driver, or the like. While Nicky’s attempts to evade detection are certainly clever, as the movie continues you find you aren’t rooting for the protagonist - I wasn’t at least. The movie plays with the idea that the cat & mouse trope so popular in literature is far from fun in real life. It’s a hell of an adrenaline rush, Robert Pattinson gives - i think - one of the best performances of the year, and the plot is damn near perfect - not a second is wasted.

1 Lady Bird

The amount a movie makes me cry sits in direct proportion to how much i enjoyed the film (Interstellar being the big exception). At the end of Lady Bird I was awash in tears. The movie depicts with such a razor-sharp accuracy just how hard being in a family can be. Just how contradictory it can be. How is it that you can hate what your mother does, says, and stands for, and still love her? How is it that you can be so relieved to send your daughter off to college and out of your hair but also cry the entire way home? The taut relationship between Lady Bird and her mother (played extraordinarily by Saorsie Ronan and Laurie Metcalf) is without a doubt the cornerstone upon which Greta Gerwig built her semi-autobiographical story. And in a world filled with nuanced stories of miscommunication between fathers and sons, it was so incredibly refreshing to see the mother-daughter relationship explored with the same respect. The key? Neither character is flawless. Yes Lady Bird is our protagonist, but she’s just a teen. The movie can not help but remind us that for all of her confidence and sophistication there’s just so much to this world she doesn’t understand. We see her engage in doomed sexual relationships, get into petty spats with her best friend, and generally just act immaturely. And her mother is no saint either. Yes, she undoubtedly makes great sacrifices for her daughter and her whole family. She is patient and loving with her husband who suffers from depression and struggles to find work. But she also has no interest in learning about her daughter - her thoughts, her feelings. She embodies the mantra “cruel to be kind” yet it’s sometimes hard to see when the kindness kicks in. The movie is honest, it’s funny, and at times heartbreaking. It’s the best movie I’ve seen since Boyhood in terms of showing what life in America is really like, and it’s a gem of a movie deserved to be seen by all.

[terramythos]

Review: Myst III: Exile by Presto Studios (2001)

Genre/Tags: Puzzle, Adventure, Parallel Worlds, Speculative Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Atmospheric, Strong World, Silent Protagonist, Gender Neutral Protagonist, Sympathetic Antagonist, Multiple Endings

Warning(s): References to genocide and torture.

Playthrough Notes: Nothing specific; played this with my sister @mistressofmuses ​. We managed to get both “good” endings and one of the bad ones, but there’s apparently about ten variations. These are fun games to play with another person!

My Rating: 4 / 5

**Minor Spoilers and My Thoughts Follow**

Twenty years, Atrus! Twenty long years alone! They tied me to a post. They burned their Myst Linking Books in front of me. They took everything I had! My wife! My two baby girls! And then, when I finally made it back to Narayan, and I saw... I saw... it would have been better if I had died.-- Saavedro  

My Summary: Some time after the events of Riven, the player makes it back to Atrus and Catherine. Atrus has revived the D’Ni culture; he spends much of his time writing a new Age-- Releeshahn-- for his people. You’re about to see it together, when the unexpected happens; a strange man attacks his study and steals the book. Atrus’ library in flames, you follow the man into the world he came from with no way to return.

You soon discover that this world-- J’nanin-- houses a series of “lesson Ages” Atrus created for his sons Sirrus and Achenar. You know, the sociopathic antagonists of the first game? You gradually learn that the man who stole the book, Saavedro, watched his planet die at the hands of the two brothers and was exiled to J’nanin, suffering long years of isolation and torment.

Swearing revenge against Atrus, Saavedro rigs the lesson worlds so that they must be solved to reach him. Over the course of the game, you learn more about Saavedro and the world of Narayan through journal pages you find scattered through the worlds. But with Releeshahn and its people in the hands of Saavedro, you are working against the clock to get to him and save the D’Ni. 

The Good:

Unlike Riven, this entry uses a very similar structure to Myst. J’nanin serves as a “hub” world with access to four other worlds. The story itself is different enough, however, that it doesn’t feel like a wholesale ripoff. It’s a nice change of pace to see lots of different worlds rather than exploring a single one, which was a big appeal of the original game.

The four ages were all very creative and distinct. My favorite was probably Amateria, which had a steampunk China aesthetic to it. The puzzles in that world were difficult but ultimately satisfying to solve, and the payoff at the end was great. The existence of the “lesson Ages” makes sense, explains some things (maybe your sons were so messed up because you lorded over them like a god and trapped them on puzzle worlds, Atrus!), and ties into the final solution in Narayan, the last world. I genuinely enjoyed my time in the different Ages.

This entry was less arcane (and, let’s face it, less frustrating) than Riven. Some puzzles were tricky, yes, but there were no hidden pathways or buttons in this one. You also had more of a sense of direction than Riven ever provides. There were no “well that was stupid” solutions to puzzles; something that plagued the previous entries.

I realize I’ve said this with the previous two games, but Exile looks nice. This is the first entry with a free-roaming camera, which adds a lot to the experience. The backgrounds still look fantastic, especially for 2001. Real person mo-cap is still used, and (for the most part) still looks great. It aged better than 3D models of the era.

The most notable thing for me in this game was Saavedro. He’s probably the most interesting, sympathetic antagonist yet in the series. He has real justification for his actions. This is in stark contrast to Sirrus, Achenar, and Gehn, all of whom are ultimately motivated by self interest. Saavedro wants revenge for some genuine wrongs. And he’s played by Brad Fucking Dourif and I somehow did not realize this until after I beat the game?  Anyway, cool character.

The Neutral:

The game doesn’t really establish anything… new? It feels much more like a side story than anything; there’s nothing massive lore-wise that you didn’t already know from the previous games. Whereas Riven felt like a major expansion of stuff hinted at in Myst, this didn’t have much to set it apart.

I said earlier that the 3D mo-cap looked great… for the most part. There are some bits that really do trigger uncanny valley, which is weird considering you’re looking at real people. There’s a part where Catherine is holding a baby and sitting on a bench, and another where Saavedro walks through a door, that weren’t rendered especially well. It’s a shame because the rest looks fine. I think this is a case of being a little ambitious for what the technology could actually do; attempting to render a 2D projection in a 3D space.

The Bad:

In a lot of ways, this felt detached from the previous games to me. It could be the fact that a different studio produced it. At the end of Riven, you’re stranded in the Star Fissure. But in this game you’re… suddenly back with no explanation on why or how. Sirrus and Achenar tie in, yes, but only by mention, which is odd to me when they’re such a big component for the conflict. If someone hadn’t played Myst or Riven, they would have no idea what the hell is going on.

Good. Luck. Getting this game to run. This isn’t just a modern compatibility issue; even on old systems this game has bugs that keep you from continuing past a certain point. Getting this to run on a modern system is nearly impossible because Ubisoft like… lost the patch that allows that to happen? Their official website only goes to patch 1.30, which doesn’t actually work. You have to pirate the actual patch, 1.32, and find a website that isn’t going to riddle your computer with viruses. I DID find one, so let me know if you ever need it... 

Overall:

A cool game with some minor issues. The world design, visuals, and antagonist were the strong points of this entry. It was definitely entertaining to play, if not completely mindblowing like some things in the previous entries. In that vein, you probably won’t get much out of this entry if you haven’t at least played Myst (and probably Riven). The game assumes you know a lot of the world and lore already.

I love revenge stories, so this one did of course appeal to me. Saavedro is one of the most interesting things about this entry, as I’ve mentioned, and Brad Dourif did a fantastic job. He’s apparently a Myst fan, which is why he agreed to do it? Pretty cool stuff. I think that visually the worlds were imaginative and stunning, so the game was nice to look at while puzzling through it. Good visuals and solid gameplay makes for a solid game. I recommend it to people who have played previous entries and want more from the universe and characters. As mentioned, though, you should really start with the earlier games or you’ll be pretty lost.

[mudkipthemusical-blog]

Music of the Month: April 2017

I had next to no expectations for music I’d find this month, but even with that, I managed to find some highly intriguing and even powerful stuff. Looking back on everything, my picks for this month are very much on the “chill” side, which is a happy accident considering how I’ve been in the tail end of my semester and working my butt off. Otherwise, there’s a nice mix of genres as always, but there is one big difference this time around: I ran into my first tie for album of the month, which I’ll cut right to:

Albums of the Month: Inside Out (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) by Michael Giacchino…

…and Strangers by Balto

First off, let me just say that both of these works of cover art are amazing. Next, while these two albums are stylistically quite different, they each equally appeal to my tastes and they’re each so strong all the way through. Inside Out feeds my love for film score (and especially my Michael Giacchino kick), and in that, it fit in just the right notch between the different and the familiar. I love Michael Giacchino’s work because of how much he plays with recurring themes, and this album is no stranger to that strategy (nor is it a stranger to his knack for puns, wink wink), but the orchestration took this score in particular to another level for me. There’s such a wonderful blend of conventional strings and piano along with less conventional ones like the bells that give the entire score such an ethereal sound; it’s exactly what I thought it would sound like to live inside a brain. This is best represented on tracks like “Bundle of Joy” and “Abstract Thought.” …But for one last touch, I nearly lost it when I was listening to it while doing homework in the library and I discovered the trollish surprise at the end of the last track. I won’t spoil the fun for you, but if you’ve seen Inside Out, you’ll know what I’m talking about when you get to it. (sinister giggles)

Strangers feeds my love of indie rock and complex lyrics. Admittedly, I was primarily interested in the band because of their namesake, Balto the sled dog, whose heroic story was adapted into my childhood favorite movie. Logically, if I liked that so much, I should like the band, and luckily I did, but that's beside the point. The way I see it, this is the perfect music to have playing in the background at a barbecue. The overall vibe is so laid-back and pleasing to help you relax and have fun, but there's still plenty of substance to keep you interested. It helps that the general mix is so solid, and the lead singer's voice has such a nice color to it; it has just enough bite to it to snag your attention, but it's still warm enough to keep it from being too distracting. My standout tracks here were "Restless Generation," "Star of Bethlehem," and "A Year Lasts a Lifetime." While "Star of Bethlehem," is a super-mellow, toned-down ballad, the other two are uptempo jams with some pretty relatable and/or thought-provoking lyrics ("Everybody shuts off one way or another babe, you know it's true") that fit the barbecue aesthetic perfectly. Overall, it's nice not having too much stimulus in this album. I love being able to kick back, relax, and just take in the atmosphere. …Although, all this barbecue talk is giving me hamburger cravings.

5 Great Songs from this Month:

“Can’t Help Falling in Love” as performed by Pentatonix

I could write a book detailing my love for Pentatonix, but this cover of theirs in particular brings up a good point I have to make about them. While they’re such innovators in the a capella world (see “Daft Punk”), they know just when to dial it back and focus on rich harmonies. I already liked the original Elvis song, but this arrangement augments it in the best way possible. The blend of their voices sounds very innocent and vulnerable in a romantic way and the harmonies (oh gosh, the harmonies) left me waiting for every single word. I said before that I thought the cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody” that appeared on the same EP was a shoo-in for this list, but I found this just the slightest bit more polished. As great as Pentatonix is at transforming songs and making the most out of their limitations as a vocal group, this simple stuff that they do matters so much to me.

“Battle Scars” by Paradise Fears

I ran into this song via this AMV, which is a sentence I don’t think I’ve ever said before, but I’m still grateful that that’s how it happened. On the one hand, I love that AMV; it’s so beautifully drawn and it manages to pack so much emotion and meaning into a 30 second clip. On the other hand, the song itself is one of the most powerful ones I’ve heard in a while, and it came at a perfect time due to some personal struggles I’ve been having. It honestly makes me cry when I listen to it, but it does that in a way that motivates me. It’s a gorgeous reminder that no matter how difficult things may seem or no matter how far away the finish line may be, there’s always hope and there are always people to support you; even in the midst of fear and anxiety, everyone has the power to keep on going and make their way to greater things. It gives me the strength to keep marching on, what more can I say? My only complaint is that I’m a little bitter Apple Music will only let me stream a live version rather than the studio recording, but whatever form it’s in and whatever medium I encounter it through, I know this is a song that will stick with me for years to come. 

“Warm on a Cold Night” by HONNE

This song is like a perfect blend of the retro and the modern; while the production is very synth-heavy, right from the opening with the deep-voiced narrator, there’s this sense of classic swagger to set the mood to grab your attention. This altogether with HONNE’s voice creates this incredibly, for the lack of a better word, sexy aesthetic. As a tune, it’s minimalist, but you just have to appreciate the production value that went into the recording. Like the songs from Strangers, I like how it feels like there’s a lot going on, but you can still kick back and take it all in; you don’t need everything turned up to 12 to have an enjoyable listen.

“Hey Mami” by Sylvan Esso

This tune has a pretty similar aesthetic to that of “Warm on a Cold Night,” but that didn’t really occur to me at first because I discovered it via my university’s all-female a capella group. I liked that the recording was this simple a capella groove supporting the poetry in the melody, and later was pleasantly surprised when the synth bass dropped after the first verse. The texture still feels very simple, but that clash between the synth and the voices works so well. Going back to the poetry, the story’s about being catcalled and reacting to it, which is a pretty uncommonly covered topic in itself, and the lyrical delivery feels so rapid-fire and constantly flowing, which kept me intrigued. For a pop tune, it’s just so unique, and I love finding new flavors like this one’s.

“LOVE. (FEAT. ZACARI)” by Kendrick Lamar

I’ve been very recently trying to get into hip hop because it was never really a genre that I was interested in before. In particular, I’ve been interested in Kendrick Lamar because one of my good friends is a huge fan of his, and while it was just before I joined Tumblr, I had listened to To Pimp a Butterfly and was blown away by the sheer amount of artistry and power that went into it. Naturally, I wanted to see how Kendrick could’ve topped that with DAMN., and while I have to be honest in that I didn’t like it as much as To Pimp a Butterfly it was still great! This track in particular surprised me because every other song on DAMN. felt so harsh and intense, whereas this felt a lot more vulnerable and sentimental. It may be more pop than hip hop, but it’s such a beautiful package with the beat and the back-and-forth of Kendrick and Zacari’s voices. Just hearing Kendrick sing “I wanna be with you” makes me smile, and I appreciate getting to hear a different side from him, even for only one track.

As I mentioned, I’ve been managing the end of my semester, and all of these picks were all great ways to relax, whether I was playing them in the background while studying or taking a break and listening to them more seriously. All of these, except for the Pentatonix track maybe the Inside Out album since I’ve been working my way through the archives of Disney/Pixar score, weren’t expected either, which made it fun! May is going to be another one of those months, which ought to be exciting, but I’m expecting at least 3 big album releases already for June, I’m not quite sure how to feel on that front. Either way, until next month (and hopefully not days into it)!

[sachasw-blog]

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