#but people really jump to some wild shit and like??? it's not your business

[universal-verringbebe]

LADS MEN AS YANDERES

Alternatively titled "when your boyfriend is a yandere but that's your kink"

a tentative 18+ MDNI because I don't get explicit but it's HIGHLY suggestive

Zayne:

• My man's is CRAZY possessive and dominant.

• You're not allowed to see any other doctors but him

• Even if he's busy with another patient, he demands that you wait until he's done, regardless of what kind of injury you have

• As soon as you officially get together, he has you moving into his flat

• You WILL be sleeping in his bed every single night, no exceptions

• Don't even think of taking a nap on the couch, it's the bed or nothing

• And you eat that shit up

• Every time he orders you to do something, you have to stop yourself from jumping him right then and there

• Like he'll put a glass of water in front of you and coldly order you to "drink" and suddenly you're on your knees trying to get your fluids from somewhere else.

• You have male friends? Not anymore.

• If some of them suddenly vanished because of some dude named Dawnbreaker, that's not your business.

• The type to have you in bed and make you talk before pleasing you

• "Say my name"

• "Good girl, now say it again but louder"

• "Tell me you're mine"

Xavier:

• He's absolutely the stalker type

• Before you even officially met him, he was stalking you for at least a year.

• The area you used to live in had a high crime rate but you never met any trouble

• Wild, wonder why

• When you moved to a new apartment, he was your neighbor, what a coincidence and he started bonding with you like that,

• Whenever you needed anything or was having trouble with something, he would conveniently be there with a solution.

• You start to suspect the stalking and confront him

• When he confirms you literally just say "wow that's hot, please take me now"

• And that's how you got together

• From then on, he's just glued to your side no matter where you go

• You get a new job? Who's that fine piece of ass that's your coworker? Oh, hi Xavier.

• In bed, and I will continue saying this on main with no shame for xavier specifically, BREEDING KINK 🗣️🗣️🗣️

• He's going to fill you up whether you like it or not

• Spoiler alert: you like it

• "Just take it all my star, gonna make you give me a galaxy"

• "If I put a baby in you, then you really will have to stay with me forever"

Rafayel:

• THIS FUCKER IS MANIPULATIVE and NEEDY

• The moment he laid eyes on you, it was a wrap gg ez

• Like he deliberately will bump his car into yours at a stoplight, say it was your fault and demand your information

• Of course he's not going to make insurance claims or anything, he'll just buy you both a new car

• But now he has your number and you're never getting rid of him

• If he catches someone flirting with you, they'll suddenly find themselves without a job, homeless, in prison for 10 years for a crime he definitely committed and pinned it on them.

• And you're just here like, damn, you're so sexy when you ruin other people's lives🤪🥴🥵

• He said say less and proposed to you right then and there.

• How dare you not have your attention on him 25/8, do you even love him?

• Definitely needs affirmations every 0.3 seconds

• Also demands you prove your love to him. Like, if you love him, you'll pose nude in front of a whole class just so he can watch you squirm

• Spoiler alert: you're squirming because this arouses you

• LOVES marking you up and buying you revealing clothing to show his artwork off

• "They all need to know you're mine"

• "Don't cover that up. In fact, let me make it bigger, come here"

[thefallennightmare]

Please do a headcannon for Noah meeting already pregnant reader at a festival or through a VIP and instantly wanting to know her better even given the situation. Maybe she assures him she was in grass and no where close to the mosh pits. Baby starts moving around like crazy when it hears Noah's voice.

@thescarlettvvitch @mitchhbitch @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @lookwhatitcost @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @burning-outx @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @pathion @flowery-mess @tashka

"Holy shit," Noah muttered to himself when his eyes landed on you.

You, five months pregnant, were standing in line to buy Bad Omens merch.

Noah was helping out Steven, who gave him a weird look.

"What's up?"

Noah pointed to you, who was busy typing away on your phone.

"She's pregnant and at a music festival," he said with worry in his voice.

Steven patted his shoulder. "I'm sure if she didn't feel comfortable, she wouldn't be here. You're always caring about other people before yourself, man."

Rolling his eyes, Noah went to work helping Steven for the next long while. Every so often his eyes would land on you as the line moved forward.

There was a moment when there were only six people ahead of you in line where your eyes caught Noah's and your heart jumped into your chest. His gaze lingered on your face, a smile pulling at his lips, and you caught when he flicked his gaze down to your stomach.

Being pregnant while at a music festival would make others question your decision but you were not about to miss this lineup of bands because you were pregnant.

You were about to become a single mom in four months and knew your time would be limited so you wanted to do all the fun things before that happened.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" Steven smiled when you finally reached the front of the merch booth.

You gave him a warm smile and pointed to the Hell I Overcame sweater. "Can I get that in a large, please?"

Noah, whose eyes never left yours, grabbed the sweater from the box and handed it to you.

"Did you want water or anything to drink?" He asked after you paid.

You held up the reusable water you'd brought from home. "Already on my fourth refill of the day."

You were the last person in line so you didn't have to rush.

Noah shifted on his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Did you enjoy the show?"

You nodded, clutching the new sweater to your chest. "I did. I've seen you guys four times now. One of my favorites."

Noah could wipe away the proud smile on his face but you knew he wanted to ask something. It was lingering in the way he stared down at your bump again.

"Don't worry, I sat on the grass. Totally safe and away from any crazy moshers," you giggled.

You could practically see the worry lift away from his shoulders and he adjusted the hat on his head.

"Are you here with anyone?"

"I was with a group of friends but they already left. Thought it wasn't worth waiting in line for merch."

Noah snickered. "And what do you think?"

You licked your lips, keeping your gaze directly in line with his. "Definitely."

Neither of you said anything for a moment until your baby began moving in your belly, causing you to place a hand over your bump.

"Not now," you quietly groaned. "The nearest bathroom is on the other side of the grounds."

Noah gave a confused look so you sighed. "Some think it's weird but every time I play your music, he moves. Without fail."

"Really?" Noah wondered. "So whenever he hears my voice, it makes him move."

You nodded, with a hand still over your bump. "He hasn't stopped since we started talking."

His eyes shined as he looked at your hand and hesitantly, you motioned to it.

"Do you?"

"Only if you're comfortable with it," Noah said.

He was always curious about how it felt but never knew any pregnant women who felt comfortable about this.

You reached for his hand and placed it on your bump, your son still moving.

"I play your music in my coffee shop and he thinks it's always time for a dance party," you admitted with a laugh.

Noah stared deeply at your bump, marveling at how it felt against his hand.

"Shit," he murmured but then shot his eyes up at you. "Sorry."

You waved him off. "Nothing he hasn't heard before."

Noah stood straight up now and cleared his throat. "You said you have a coffee shop?"

"It's a small place in downtown L.A. My ex husband never cared for it so I got it in the divorce."

"Ex?" Noah did his best to keep the smile at bay.

"Yep. The divorce was finalized four months ago when I found out I was pregnant. He doesn't care so I'm all on my own with everything."

Your cheeks reddened when you realized you divulged too much to this stranger who actually wasn't a stranger. You'd been a fan of Bad Omens for years.

"Sorry, you probably don't care to hear this," you cast your eyes down.

"No, it's alright. I'd love to hear more if you're up for it," Noah said with a smile.

Immediately you agreed. "Meet me at Park Cafe tomorrow? Anytime."

Noah nodded eagerly. "I'll be there."

With a wave you said your goodbyes.

The next day at 10 a.m, Noah stepped through the door of your cafe wearing that smile you found your heart fluttering at. Your baby immediately moving around in your belly.

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

Hello! New prompt list just dropped. Can I get number 8 with Marko. It just fits him so well

Yes, absolutely! I hope you like this!

8. Why do you think I am the one most likely to wreck my bike?

------------------

"Hi, how can I help you?" I looked up, putting my standard customer service smile upon my face as I saw four bikers enter the store. I had seen them before, racing around the boardwalk on their motorcycles, tormenting the security guard. They seemed like wild people, not caring about a single thing in the world. It made me wonder, why would they be here?

"We want to sign up." The man clad in all black spoke, his voice demanding and cold.

I nodded, looking over some files. "Alright, I will need you all to fill in these forms."

"That's it?" A blonde looked at me, a certain sense of surprise in his tone. "You said it was way more work."

"Shit do I know," the leader of the group spoke again as he took the four forms, handing them out between them.

"Well, I mean, you do have to pay for our program."

It didn't take long, or the files were handed back to me. I looked them over, checking certain things. Their address, their account number at the bank. I was about to let them pay, when I noticed something.

"Which one of you is Marko?"

The curly blonde stepped forward, a slight defiant look on his face, as if daring me to say something.

"If you're eighteen I'll need to charge you more for the insurance."

"What? Why?"

"Statistically speaking, out of the four of you, you're the most likely to wreck your bike."

"Why do you think I am the one most likely to wreck my bike?"

"Your age, mainly."

"You really believe that?"

"I don't necessarily," I said, mentally adding that his attitude was a definite reason why he could crash his bike at some point, "but the company does, I can't help it."

"And what if I was nineteen?"

"What, you have a timemachine to age yourself up?"

"I'm flexible when it comes to age."

I raised an amused eyebrow. "Sure. The thing is, I can't change a thing about it. If you want insurance for your bike, you'll need to pay more."

"See, this is what's wrong with the fucking system!" Marko grumbled, still dropping some bills on the desk in front of me.

"Blame capitalism, not me."

"What if I talk you on a ride, show you how save I drive?"

I looked at him, realising there was only one year difference between us if he hadn't lied about him being eighteen. He looked tough, but even though his attitude was a thing, he did know what he wanted and why. Because of my conversation with him, I'd completely forgotten the other boys, but when I looked up, I saw them pretending to be busy at the other end of the store.

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Would you say yes?"

"Would you be okay with me going out with you even though I didn't do a single thing to lower your price because I can't?"

"I'll never shut up about it, but I might forgive you."

I chuckled before nodding. I put their files in the right computer format, scanning them in and letting their leader - David - pay for the insurance on their bikes. I locked the store, smiling as I saw Marko waiting for me.

He helped me on, even giving me a helmet before he told me to hold on tightly. He raced off, sand flying everywhere. He jumped his bike up in the air, landing on the sand several feet below. I screamed.

"What, the bike's all save and secure?!"

"The bike might be!" I yelled over the rumble of the motor as I held on tightly to him, "but I am not!"

[idyllcy]

I'm so impulsive, got a flight to the east coast already

word count: 1.5k

summary: As Tim sits on the plane, he can only— shit. You're cute.

Three days, four hours, two minutes, and eleven seconds counting.

That's how long Tim's been awake.

Sure, he should do something that isn't flying out for personal business last minute in economy class— but he should also really not be allowed to stay awake for so long. He needs to fly back to Gotham from Jump City, and somehow, for some wretched, cruel twist of fate, he's stuck flying economy class because Bruce is using the private plane for WE business. First class is somehow, cruelly, awfully booked full, and even business class was not let up. Tim Drake, for the first time since birth, is stuck sitting in economy class, cramming with others. He's sure this is payback for being awake for three days without a single nap.

Maybe he'd get kidnapped for ransom on top of it.

"Here's your ticket. You'll be at gate 20." The lady at the register smiles.

Tim has no carry-ons other than his messenger bag, and for the first time in ages, TSA is hell to go through. He waits in line with the rest of the people, hands them his ID, gets a plethora of questions asked to him about why he was flying economy, and finally makes it to the gate. He wonders if he should use his card to check into the VIP lounge, but he has barely any time to think about it, noticing his flight's already about to board.

He ends up being one of the last ones to board, running to his gate and handing them his ticket before entering. God, he needs to get a plane of his own with his inheritance sometime. Flying in economy sounds like the worst experience yet, and sure, he's privileged to say it— but he'd much rather stick to first class or even business at worse.

Though, as he meets eyes with the person he's sitting next to, he pauses.

Oh. Shit. You're cute.

"Awh..." You pout playfully. "And here I thought I'd be able to get three whole seats to myself."

Tim laughs to the best of his ability, sitting next to you and tucking his bag under his seat, yawning as he slouches back.

"Long day?"

"Long week." He mumbles.

"Yeah? Tell me about it." You yawn too, slouching back into your seat. Tim glances at you as you tilt your head at him, curious to see what was his problem. Maybe it would pique your interest. A six-hour flight really doesn't sound that bad, but then again, Tim needs some sort of sleep before he knocks out. Right. Shit. He forgot his neck pillow.

"Call me privileged, but this is my first time flying economy." He blinks. "God, I'm tired."

"Want my pillow?" You pull it from your neck, holding it out for Tim.

"Are you an angel?"

"Erm, not quite." You smile awkwardly, shrugging. "But I don't sleep on domestic flights."

"What are you flying for?" Tim clips the pillow around his neck, moaning quietly at the comfort.

"Family. I heard one of my parents got hurt. I bought the only ticket left."

"Funny. I'm going back for family business too." Tim snorts.

How you have not yet called Tim out for being a Wayne is beyond him. He's too tired to analyze you, sinking into his seat as he closes his eyes, humming as you continue rambling.

"So? Why this flight?"

"Got a call from my old man this morning about how I needed to attend a meeting for him." Tim mumbles. "God do I hate him sometimes."

"Business meeting?"

"Yeah. The worst part is that those old geezers weren't willing to host it on Zoom like a normal person." Tim sighs. "They made me buy my own ticket too. The disrespect is wild."

"Do they do this to your dad?"

"Never." Tim groans. "If I fall asleep while you talk, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Sounds rough." You smile. "Any drink orders?"

"Zesti." He mumbles. "But a can, please."

"I'll let them know." You hum.

Tim knocks out cold. It's the quickest he's slept in ages, and the neck pillow feels so good he thinks he's going to heaven. He wouldn't mind dying on this plane— Not when he's sleeping so well. God, maybe he'd actually have a better flight experience on economy. (it would, however, NOT be a more than once experience. Economy was a nightmare. That was his sleep deprivation speaking, not him.)

You open your laptop, go back to your document, and join the free internet as you continue typing on the document. You text the server for advice, bouncing ideas off of each other as you go on a tangent about the cute boy next to you at the airport. The chat goes insane as you try to explain that there is no way you are going to meet him again; the universe simply would not allow it, but they ignore you, spilling story prompts and stirring the worms in your brain. Fuck.

You grumble quietly as you start a new document for the idea.

Halfway through the flight, Tim leans onto your side, head meeting your shoulder, his lips parted as he drools a little, eyes still closed. You blink at him slowly, making sure he was still asleep before going back to typing. You order him a can of Zesti when the flight attendants come by before typing on your laptop again. You wonder if he knows anything about the vigilantes of Gotham. Maybe you'll ask him when he wakes up. Though, as you write fanfiction for a meet-cute with a vigilante on a plane, you think you'd rather die than ask him a question about vigilantism. Your boldness could only go so far.

When you finish your drink and doc, you glance at the time. You had another two hours to kill before descent, and you were kind of starting to regret not bringing another neck pillow. Listen. He's cute. You'd give your neck pillow to him any day if it meant he would call you an angel. His voice? His face? God, he was so hot it was kind of daunting. Maybe you'd ask him for his number later. Then again, he'd probably say no. What kind of a Gotham elite would give his number to a random person?

Hell, it's not as if you even went to school in Gotham either. You try and put your finger on which Gotham elite he is, but you come to no fruit as you think of the big ones. There's no way he's Bruce Wayne despite the uncanny blue eyes and black hair combo. Maybe one of his sons? But then again, Dick Grayson was much taller than the boy next to you. You don't actually recall what his other two sons look like. Two? Three? You don't remember if his second son is alive. Last you checked, he is. So it'd be three, huh? It's also definitely not his Asian daughter.

You give up on figuring out who he is and settle for closing your laptop and putting it back in your bag, closing your eyes as you rest your head on his, racing heart only calming when you fall asleep.

The two of you stay that way until a flight attendant wakes you up to put your tray back, waking Tim too on accident, the boy blinking slowly as you close the tray, tilting his head at you.

"God, maybe I am in heaven." He mumbles.

You laugh much brighter this time, warmth flushing your skin and blood rushing to your neck, embarrassed as Tim registers his own words, horrified at his boldness.

"I'm so sorry—"

"No, no." You continue laughing, the joy still in your voice as you continue. "I'm touched. I don't get called angel often."

"Really?" Tim mumbles. "How long until landing?"

"Thirty minutes." You smile. "They had me put my tray back. You can go back to sleep if you want—"

"Can I have your number?" Tim blurts.

"A-ah?" You stare at him wide-eyed.

"Oh, is that too much? I just really wanted to go out with you for coffee, you see. You can say no if you're uncomfortable, really. You're allowed to do that. Actually, please do that. I don't know if I'll be able to—"

"Yes!" You cut him off. "Yeah. Yeah. You can have my number."

The two of you exchange numbers the last thirty minutes of the flight, names and information exchanged, a light flush on your cheeks, and a visible one on Tim's face.

Tim thinks this is his reward for flying economy for once. (And maybe, just maybe, he'd fly economy back if it meant he would be with you again.)

[willyoubemycherryy]

❁𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖...𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕋𝕚𝕘𝕖𝕣’𝕤 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕊𝕌ℙ𝔼ℝ-ℙℝ𝕆𝕋𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕍𝔼 𝕘𝕗??

@ my bestie lil miss westie(^‿^✿) @eymie

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤🜚ミ★𖤐✬.• 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐨✊🏽, 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐱 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨, 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐈𝐌 ⚠︎︎MDNI⚠︎︎

“𝑺𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈...“

You honestly don’t know how he let people try him.

Tiger doesn’t even look like the pushover type. Tattoos, wild green hair, stoic face and stone jawline, 6 foot fucking 2, ripped jeans and muscle tees. He rarely even looked approachable. Punk rock and pissed off.

But… turns out he’s a sweetheart. Gentle eskimo kisses, slow kisses, helpful with the most menial tasks. Plus the adoring way he looks at you, to how tender and calmly he treats you; even when you’re upset…so it pisses you off when you see short, half court hairline, bald spot eyebrow ugglies talking down to him.

Like now when you look up from your seat in the car, waiting for him to come out of the gas station just to see some dirty old crypt keeper yelling in his face while your poor sweet darling Tiger just nods and looks uncomfortable. You do not hesitate to get out the car and march over there in your Chanel heels to stomp on fucking business bitch.

Tiger hears a door slam and looks up. Paling once he sees that it’s you…and that you do not look happy. He knows how this is going to end before it even starts as you stand in front of him, pushing the angry man back with one of your pretty manicured fingers.

“Who the fuck are you talking to?! Because I KNOOOOW it’s not him!” You’re yelling off the bat and the man is red in the face as he yells back,

“So what if I am! He needs to learn how to apologize after he bumps into people!”

Oh bitch.

“Are the people in the room with us??? Because all I see in front of me is the ghost of Father Time’s ashes.” Tiger bites his lip to stifle the laugh that bubbles up at your jab. Feisty as ever.

“Why you prissy little bit-“, you cut him off before he can even attempt to try it.

“Even if he completely knocked your ass over, he wouldn’t have to apologize for SHIT but I’ll tell you what,” voice low, blood hot, rushing so fast you look downright murderous as you stand chest to chest with the man.

“Talk to him like that again…and I’ll kick your nuts so far up your asshole that they’ll be acorns when they come out your mouth. I’ll turn you and every witness around into stains and mail them to your wife and kids.” He gulps at the dead look on your face and quickly shifts his eyes to Tiger.

“So, apologize right now and walk away from us before I decide to really rock your world.” You feel Tiger stiffen at the same time the asshole does before he mumbles a swift apology, he’s jumping into his car and peels off just as fast.

Grabbing Tiger’s hand you lead him to the car, to your door so he can open it and after he gets in himself, he looks at you. Amused.

“You’re a little bully? Y’know that?”, chuckling at you as you pout.

“You don’t always need to come to my rescue. Some people are just assholes and that’s okay”. He mumbles, pulling you from your seat to straddle his lap.

You roll your eyes before you lean down to kiss him languidly. Capturing his top lip between yours then his bottom lip, both your lips alternating with light sucks and you tilt your head and lick the seam of his mouth, making him moan as your tongues caress each other. Warm puffs of air wash over your faces as you kiss him senseless.

Heat licks up your body, a wet moan bursting out when you feel him aggressively suck on your tongue, his hand on the back of your head holding you in place. Reaching up you pull lightly at his hair until he breaks away with a smack and you peck his lips a few more times to calm down.

“Some people are assholes, you’re right. But if they think they can be an asshole to you on my watch? They’re dead wrong.” panting against his mouth as you give him your verdict.

“Now, let’s go home,” you whisper against his lips.

“I’m wet”.

Grinding down on him for emphasis then swinging back down to your seat to watch his reaction.

Tiger looks down at where you were previously sat and notices the dark spot on his jeans, and looking back at you pupils completely blown.

“Oh fuck”, he groans. Hissing when you start palming him through his ripped jeans.

Squealing as Tiger speeds off so fast he almost leaves the tires.

[that-writing-raccoon]

MEET CHAOTIC PROMPTS

Alright, kids, listen up.

We’re all suckers for a good meet-cute. Don’t even try to lie to me. Like, yeah, they’re cliché, but, if done well, it can be really cute, hence the name.

Meet-uglies on the other hand can be super funny, and they almost always lead to enemies-to-lovers or rivals-to-lovers, even if just for a hot second. They’re great, too.

But here’s the thing:

I want more meet-chaotics. Not meet-cutes, not meet-uglies, meet-chaotics.

What do I mean by this?

Well, you know how crazy life can be sometimes? How wack shit happens, it makes a good story to tell your friends, and it makes you low-key question reality for a second? Yeah. Meet-chaotics are like that. How you met is just so weird and chaotic that it was a bonding experience.

Here are some prompts/concepts so you understand what I’m getting at:

“Normal”/Humor:

 “I’m an uber driver dropping off my last customer, and you and your friends(?) just jumped into my backseat right as they got out and yelled a variety of ‘DRIVE! FUCKING DRIVE!’ and ‘FLOOR IT!’ There are flashing lights behind me, but I panicked and stepped on the gas, and now you’re trying to assure me that it’s not what it looks like, but I’m too busy worrying that I’m a wanted criminal now.” 

Bonus points for found family and/or polyamory!

“I’ve had a really bad day, and it started to rain, so, because I’m dramatic, I blasted my ‘*insert playlist name here*’ and lied down on my sidewalk/lawn/driveway facing the sky, and you just drove by, backed up, and ran out to join me as ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol was playing. I have never met you before, but I’m pretty sure we’ve bonded and might be soulmates.” (Yes, I got this idea from a TikTok. What of it?).

“I was walking my dog at the park when he got off his leash, and now I’m running after him through the park calling his name and yelling to ‘GET THAT DOG!’ You’re having a barbecue/family reunion/birthday party, and my dog sprints towards you, knocks someone over, and begins eating your food. You see me sprinting towards you and trying to catch my dog, but he’s faster, so now we’re both chasing my dog, and I may or may not be swearing words that’d make a sailor blush. Eventually, one of us or a random stranger catches him, and we finally stop, and, hey, sorry about that, but, wazow! You’re pretty cute.” 

Bonus points for anyone vaulting over a table or something.

“We’re on our way to class, and I just witnessed you run past me down the stairs holding a bunch of books, trip, roll down two flights, and roll to your feet and keep running like nothing happened. And, like, we didn’t talk, and I don’t think you noticed me, but now I can’t help thinking of you. Like, that was impressive, but are you okay?”

“We’re at a house party, and it’s gotten pretty wild. Music is blasting from the speakers, people are dancing on tables, stuff is breaking, etc. Suddenly, the music shuts off, and someone yells, “POLICE!” and everyone s c a t t e r s. It’s pure chaos. I trip while running outside and curl up in a ball to not get trampled, but then a hand reaches down and pulls me up, it’s you, and we run off together still holding hands. Who are you, again?”

Bonus points if this goes back to the uber driver prompt. 

Bonus bonus points if this couple is coming from the same place as the folks from the first prompt, so it’s same universe, but they’re completely different people having their own meet-chaotics running from the police ‘cause they were at the same party.

Could be any illegal/big crowd scenario. A concert, a protest, etc. 

Sci-Fi:

“We live in a world where superheroes exist. One day, I’m minding my own business in my own apartment when you, *insert superhero name here,* crash through my wall while I’m just lounging on the couch, mug of coffee/preferred drink to my lips, feet up on my coffee table, and laptop open on my lap. We stare at each other. You get up, apologize, and fly off through the hole in the wall. Little do I know, you feel bad about the whole thing and decide to try making it up to me, except every thing you try just descends us more and more into chaos.”

Bonus points if this ends up being enemies to lovers, seeing as the protagonist, Character A, would probably be hella bitter about not having the specific superhero insurance needed to fix their wall. 

Bonus bonus points if Superhero has to save A from x during one of their attempts to fix the situation. 

“It’s the zombie apocalypse. I’ve set up camp in a (mostly) abandoned town, scavenging to survive. One day, there’s an unusual amount of zombies in the road. Panicked, I start to climb something. When I’m about halfway up, I hear a weird noise, and look down just in time to see you and your friend whizzing by on a shopping cart down the incline- you in the basket and your friend riding on the back. You’re screaming/yelling and swinging a bat around. The zombies are too slow and uncoordinated to catch up with you. At the last second, you look up at me and we make eye-contact mid-me making at wtf face. It’s such a stupid strategy that I’m low key in love.”

“It’s an alien invasion. We’re all running and screaming for our lives. Suddenly, there’s a spot light, and you start being pulled up into a ship. You panic and grab something. For some unknown, ungodly reason, I try to help you. It goes as well as it sounds. Cue us both getting beamed up while holding on to each other for dear life.”

“We’re on a spaceship. There are so many people on board that it’s impossible to truly know or recognize anyone. I’m working or reading or what have you, when I so happened to glance up at my porthole/window, just in time to see you, who’d been fixing something on the outside of the ship, floating away and doing some space gymnastics with your lead and etc., and swimming, to get back to the ship. I do what anyone responsible would do and sprint off to the docks to get you back safe inside.”

Bonus if Floating Person is just doing the absolute most ridiculous things to make it back.

I have more, but I feel like this post is long enough. But yeah. Something something meeting someone in the most chaotic, stupid, and unhinged way gets to me. Like, we’ve all have shared moments with a stranger because we both witnessed something or been involved in something dumb or crazy. And usually it’s like, eye-contact or brief, awkward commentary, then at the end of the day you go home and it’s just a funny story that only you guys experienced. Something about it just speaks to me.

[who-knew-a-sheep-can-write]

Just Like You: Bigby Wolf x Werewolf!Reader

Chapter 1

Just a rewrite from the halloween prompt. One of you beautiful people asked for a part two and I wanted to add more to the plot

The cigarette nearly slipped out of his mouth when he smelled it.

It was like he had been shot, his body locking up as if he was about to go into shock. It felt like someone had just thrown him into the Hudson River in the middle of winter. His blood ran brutally hot against his goose-fleshed skin. But he wasn’t… worried? Normally when he catches a whiff of something through the thick stench of his cigarettes, it would shock him out of whatever thought he was processing.

But this-

He felt… at ease?

He felt like someone was here that he hadn’t seen in a while.

He entered The Woodlands, opening the door in a hurry. The patrons inside all gave him an odd look, but none of them bothered to ask him what was up, all of them suddenly finding something to busy themselves with whether it would be staring at the freshly cleaned floor or counting the patterns on the aging wallpaper.

He sniffed the air, stubbing out the Huff n’ Puff on the back of his heel and followed it to the elevator, taking it up to the floor where the Business Office was. He followed it closely behind, hellbent on finding out where that smell was coming from.

His pace was fast as he made a beeline right to the Business Office door. Normally, there would be a line of people right outside waiting to speak with Snow or Boy Blue about some governmental thing that Bigby really couldn’t give a shit about.

That smell was driving him crazy. He felt like he suddenly couldn’t breathe. His hearing had become muffled but he knew he could hear Snow speaking with someone in the office, he just couldn’t make out the words or who it was she was speaking to. As he got closer, the smell grew stronger.

He felt something turn inside of him.

Bigby found himself in front of the door to the Business Office. Through the frosted glass of the door’s window, he could make out two shadows. One being Snow and one of another fable. Your silhouette looked so familiar to him, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. He fought with himself, his big paw hovering just above the door handle. He wanted to turn it, enter and find out who exactly that smell was coming from and why it was driving him so crazy that he could hear the call of the wild ringing bells directly into his ear. On the other hand, he was nervous but he couldn’t tell why.

The beast inside of him forced him to grasp the handle and open the door rather roughly, gaining the attentions of both Snow and the mystery fable as he almost tripped coming through the door. Bigby winced at his mistake, earning himself two pairs of eyes to stare at him. Snow gave him the usual ‘What the fuck, Bigby?’ look, scrunching her eyebrows and pulling her lips into a frown so tight he swore her lips would disappear.

And then he saw you.

And he was suddenly so confused.

You were just a human fable. No curses, no skeletons in the closet, no monsters under your skin that needed a glamour. So why did you smell so familiar?

“Sheriff,” Snow’s tone was questioning but she tried to keep a straight face, “is everything alright?”

You both had locked eyes. You both knew of each other, obviously, but you never really spoke to each other unless it was a passing ‘Hello’ or something small. But now, all of a sudden as you both looked into each others eyes, it was like you had known each other since the Homelands.

Why was that?

Bigby suddenly felt like he had been stripped bare before you both. He scratched at the back of his neck and stepped awkwardly from one foot to the other. He felt an unnatural flush spread on his cheeks.

“I-uh, I’m sorry. I just thought…” his dark voice trailed off.

It was like the lightbulb went off above Snow’s head, her body jumping a bit in her big comfy office chair before her crystal blue eyes darted between the two of you.

“Oh! Uh, Sheriff, (Y/n) was actually just updating their new residence with me.”

It was obvious that Snow was beating heavily around the bush.

“It’s nice to see you again, Bigby,” you smiled as softly as you comfortably could at the sheriff.

He watched as you swallowed thickly, eyeing him up and down before glancing back at Snow as she went on and on about something going against protocols and whatever. He didn’t give a shit, really. He stopped giving a shit decades ago. His eyebrows furrowed in deep thought as you glanced down at your feet before back to Snow as she called your name, dragging you out of the fog encasing both of your minds.

“I’ll be sure to have Dr. Swineheart contact you about next week, he’s Fabletown’s only real physician at the moment,” she stated softly.

Snow plucked a note card off of her desk and scribbled something down before handing it to you.

“Thank you,” you spoke softly, gently taking it from the deputy mayor before eyeing Bigby again. “I-I should go, I have work soon.”

Bigby stepped out of the way as you walked past him. As you did, he felt his heart squeeze painfully against his ribs as the air had been forced from his lungs. As you passed him, your eyes caught once again, and Bigby didn’t fail to see familiar flecks in your eyes.

Bigby had been trying to get ahold of you for the past week; Trying to catch you in the hallway, leaving calls to stop by his office to “finish paperwork”, he even knew where you worked but felt like it wouldn’t be right if he just showed up out of nowhere. He honestly felt bad for doing this all, but he couldn’t help it.

The smell of you was driving him crazy.

And the longer you spent in the Woodlands, the crazier it made Bigby feel. It was like yanking out hair by hair on a sleeping bear: Eventually, you’re gonna dwindle down its patience, it’s gonna wake up, and then there’s going to be a big mess to clean up. Your smell was everywhere, too. He couldn’t escape it. He could smell you halfway across Manhattan if he paid enough attention and snubbed out his cigarette.

He didn’t understand why until he finally got ahold of Bufkin yesterday, quite literally catching the flying monkey out of the air while he was reorganizing some of the books due to Fables moving around the boroughs. The poor monkey gagged and dropped the stacks of books when Bigby got a hold of one of his legs. He actually perked up from his annoyance when Bigby asked him about you, cocking his head to the side out of confusion.

“I thought you would’ve been the first to know, Mr. Bigby,” he tutted.

“Why’s that?”

He watched as the monkey took flight, disappearing behind the towering bookshelves only to appear not even a minute later carrying a particular book. Something nasty grew in the pit of Bigby’s stomach when he caught sight of the large black leatherbound book with a hex symbol on it: A book of curses that had befallen fables in Fabletown since the beginning.

“(Y/n) (L/n) - let’s see here,” Bufkin narrated as he cracked open the book and flipped through the pages until he came to the most recent entry. It was like a file he would normally create for crimes, complete with a photo of you as well as any evidence pictures. However, instead of being held to a cheap manilla folder with paperclips, your information was magically bound to this book until you’re cured. “That’s right, last month they were turned into a werewolf by some crazy witch when they visited a relative in Europe. Poor thing. It looks like they’ll be living here while the witches on the thirteenth floor try to cure them.”

You were a werewolf.

You were like him.

Bigby didn’t know whether to feel horrible or relieved.

It had been centuries since he had met another werewolf, way before you all fled the Homelands.

The off glance at a nearby grandfather clock showed that it was well into the night. Bigby could feel your presence beneath him, somewhere in the basement within the line of cells. He could smell the fear encasing you, he could hear your heart racing in your chest.

‘You need to be there,’ his mind screamed at him.

He excused himself, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder to Bufkin before he rushed out into the hall towards the elevator. He knew exactly where to go as he entered the elevator’s cavity, pressing the button for the basement. The ride was both silent and deafening. Even where he stood from far away, he could hear your heart beating. It was fast, you were terrified. You were in an unfamiliar location about to turn into something big and hairy, about to be chained up like a beast all night long.

He knew how that felt.

He remembered how he was when he was first turned. He was terrified as shit, in a body he could barely operate, in a place he didn’t know. He remembered feeling like he had been set on fire, but the second he tore his clothes off he was freezing cold. He remembered being surrounded by other Fables, he remembered being chain, he remembered losing control. His body groaned and flinched as he remembered how horrible his first transformation was, how horrifying his screams were as they morphed into something once again animalistic as the full moon controlled his thoughts.

Even now, he could feel the full moon outside tempting him. Centuries of learning control and spells put on him from the thirteenth floor kept it all at bay, but he could still feel it stirring beneath his skin.

Bigby walked through the basement, ignoring the horrible feelings that brewed when he walked past the witching well and towards the back of the basement where the cells lied. They really weren’t used that much anymore, not since the New York police started to really take control over all of the boroughs. He could hear loud cries echoing through the stoney halls, bouncing off of the pillars and ringing in his ears. The sound alone made his skin burn, the beast just beneath was fighting to come out. Before him, he could see the thin frame of Dr. Swineheart standing before a cell, his doctor’s satchel was still open as he took out a small glass bottle. Bigby winced internally, already knowing what the wretched thing was for.

Another loud cry came from the cell followed by a loud crack of bone, the cry cut off halfway through as it sounded like you were being strangled.

“-ight (Y/n), do you think you can drink this?” Dr. Swineheart reached his hand through the thick cell doors.

He suddenly jumped back as an animalistic snarl ripped through the air, the sound of chains violently being snatched and stretched made Bigby start to run. The doctor turned to see Bigby already behind him, jumping as Bigby peered over his skinny shoulder into the cell. It felt like his chest was about to cave in on itself. His heart yearned and cried at the sounds you made as you writhed on the floor.

“Sheriff, I thought-”

“You can go, doc,” Bigby cut the doctor off before he could finish. “I’ll watch ‘em.”

“Are you sure? Ms. White said-”

“You’re being looked at like a steak dinner. I think if anyone can stop ‘em from breaking out, it’s me.”

Dr. Swineheart’s face paled slightly before glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. Bigby wasn’t wrong, you looked like you were starving, practically salivating at the poor soul before you. He simply nodded and handed Bigby that damn bottle before grabbing his bag.

“You have my number. I’ll be back in the morning to check them out.”

Bigby waited until he knew the doctor was good as gone before he looked back at you. He tossed the bottle off to the side, nearly breaking the thing as it rolled away from him. His fingertips burned from the liquefied wolfsbane that coated the inside.

“I’m not giving you that shit. It doesn’t work,” Bigby grumbled to himself as he crouched down to be eye level with you.

He remembered having the stupid thing forced upon him. One of the witches said it would help make the transformations easier but it only made them worse, it only made him more out of control. One time, he had even gotten out and caused havoc in the woods of the newly founded colonies. The shit didn’t work and Bigby wasn’t about to let you suffer the same.”

You snapped your jaws, mouth full of heavy fangs that could easily tear apart skin and meat. Your mind was starting to be lost in the woods, the beast was taking over. He could see the hair growing all across your body in thick strands. Your nails were swollen, bleeding at the tips as he saw dark claws slowly starting to protrude. Another pained cry ripped through your body as you convulsed on the floor.

You snatched at the thick neck collar you had to wear, trying to yank the metal off of your body. It groaned under the pressure but refused to break - probably from some spell cast upon it.

Bigby couldn’t help the pull on his mind as your glowing eyes met his. Your beast was pleading with his, begging to set you free, begging him to be with you.

He watched as you suddenly settled, his golden eyes reflecting back at him while your cries slowly went silent.

[luimagines]

Pinky, please hit me. My brain doesn't let me sleep! My Lynel infested brain rather put more ideas in my head after my own Headcanon with Bunny!Legend. I ask a Lynel to smack me later, seriously.

That's the first time I do a modern Reader and they are messy. Not in the hygiene or character compartment. Okay, kinda with hygiene but their fighting is messy. So what about a WWE wrestler Reader?

Reader is a professional, so they know how to hurt anybody, monsters included. Also they may not seem like it but they are really strong. So if the group ever asks to fight against Twilight, they probably ask, if they do wrestling or Sumo because those are two different pairs of shoes.

Obviously it's Sumo as Twilight doesn't know how to wrestle. But nobody ever expected Twilight to lose in mere minutes. Even if Reader is smaller than him, they fight for a living, literally. They know how to handle big guys like him.

But if they do wrestling oh god have mercy on them. They ask the bloody or not bloody wrestling style and the group is shocked as they never had a wrestler in their group or in Hyrule. They don't know what comes with it and as soon as Reader explains it, they cover Wind's and Hyrule's ears.

They probably met Reader as they heard fighting nearby and rushed there to help. But nobody expected such a bloody scene.

„Holy Shit, what the fuck happened here?“ nobody could reprimand Wind as that's what they all were thinking.

Blood and monster guts everywhere and one single person standing in the midst of this bloody chaos, Reader. They choke a bokoblin at the moment and Reader is strong enough to snap their arm in two. Some even went to puke for a moment, Sky and Hyrule, as they saw how deformed the faces of the monsters were.

Reader themself was covered in blood from red to black and guts, many guts and some hearts. Except for the guys and hearts they are used to having blood all over them, nevermind if it's theirs or someone else's. After Reader killed the last creature as they jump down from a tree and strike that thing down with their elbow. They walk away like nothing happened. Well, they look for a river or some water source to wash themself.

The whole Chain has two thoughts, first they obviously don't belong here, maybe from later Hyrule or even a hero from the future, and two don't have them as your enemy. They could kill someone like Time without breaking a sweat in their mind.

Meanwhile Reader washes themself in a river and grumbles about all the shit that happened to them. They went home from work and wanted to relax but suddenly they dropped into a completely different land and fought monsters. If Reader knows Hyrule and the Links is Readers choice.

But as soon as they got sucked into the group. Wild and Wind ask about Reader teaching them and they do, just don't the most brutal moves they know. Twilight is happy that his pup and Wind learn some hand to hand combat if it ever comes down to that. Reader also lifts Twilight up like nothing and if Reader is as small as Four. People are even more scared. Small people are scary like Chihuahuas they may look small and fragile but as soon as you rile them up your dead.

But they probably go around and look for gauntlets for Reader so they don't bruise their knuckles too bad. Well, Reader has a pair of knuckle-duster/ brass knuckles and they see no problem with it or their bruised knuckles, it comes with the job like knowing where to punch so your opponent only gets hardly air in their lungs.

After Reader explains that it's good for business if it gets bloody, the more bloody the better the pay. Sky loses faith in the future of Hyrule after they explain that they are human. Twilight loses faith in humanity. So now they have to explain that they aren't from Hyrule but Earth and it's their job! They beat other humans and vice versa. They do that for a living, they are a professional. If they are popular or not I let Reader decide. But Wind finds them super cool even if they are covered in blood after every fight they have moves where everyone says "Uh!" And grimace with pain like they are the monster that gets beaten up.

Oh dear....

Reader takes "beating them to a bloody pulp" quite literally.

"It's good for business!"

Cue horrified looks.

I don't actually think Hyrule would be all that scarred/freaked out by it since (1.) his Hyrule is the worst by definition so who knows what he saw and (2.) he was able to talk to Wild about his horrific damage from, you know, dying.

Sky is a goner though. Poor guy never stood a chance.

Even Twilight has to admit that it might be much and he mauls some monsters to death. At least he has the teeth for it. Reader is going in elbow dropping on monster's faces and snapping necks.

[starbase-yorktown]

For the wip title ask game: how to live with living forever/ruin (of bitten lips and broken hands) 👀👀👀

I would also love to hear about your oc novels, so whichever you want to talk about is good!

💗💗💗

*cracks knuckles* let's go @zzoomacroom, you asked for three WIP updates and you're getting three WIP updates. Answer Part 1.

ruin (of bitten lips and broken hands): sequel to my centennial husband big bang fic nothing grows in corpses (in the earth of me) which you can either read there or read more about here first. The overarching series is titled how to live with living forever. But where NGIC is about Morpheus' unwillingly resurrection and him coming to terms with living after months of a gruesome existence strike, "ruin (of bitten lips and broken hands)" is about him learning to come to terms with his flaws and the ways he hurts others, about learning how to be a better man under the straining tutelage of Hob Gadling (and his gf Gwen who SERIOUSLY deserves better, RUN, BABY GIRL, RUN). Here there be murderous breakups, toxic codependent relationships, Linda Martin of CW's Lucifer tragically getting roped into this shit show to help folks learn accountability and healthy coping strategies, and all-in-all a Dreamling endgame where both men have to take a long, hard look at themselves and do some growing up and healing before they can truly reach for each other.

+++

That night, Hob drifted in that in-between of sleep and wakefulness until he became suddenly very acutely aware of someone crouched at his bedside. Someone with wild, gravity-defying, technicolor hair was bowed all close to him, peering into his face almost nose-to-nose with those unblinking eyes—

“Jesus fuck!” he shouted and startled into full-blown wakefulness in the same shaft of fear.

“I dunno if Jesus fucked,” Delirium frowned, suddenly enamored with this line of thought. “He was really very busy, busy like the bees and the birds and—”

Hob turned wildly to Gwen for some measure of assistance—a twitch, a snore, he'd take anything—only to find her somehow still sound asleep despite the chaos unfolding not an arm's length away. He'd worry about that unnatural slumber next, he decided, and twisted back to Delirium, nearly grabbing her by the arm as he hissed his demand.

“What are you doing here?”

She blinked at him like some kind of eerie clockwork doll, her head turning this way and that in kind. “WatcHInG yOu sLeEp” she said, and her voice layered and echoed and distorted in a way that made Hob’s blood run cold. The strength in his voice turned to rubber.

“Wh-w-why?”

“He likes you," she said as though it were obvious. "He doesn’t like a lot of people. Doesn’t like me all the time. I wanna see what’s inside you that makes him like you.”

Hob swallowed.

Are you there, God? It's me, Robert Gadling.

“……..A-And?”

The girl shrugged. “Dunno.”

And before Hob could figure out how to protest, spluttering and moving to scramble clear up the headboard far too late, Delirium climbed into bed with him, straddling his belly and settling atop him with a weight like an elephant despite her willowy, tiny frame. His hands held at his shoulders, afraid to touch her anymore than he already was, and he casted about for something, anything to help him out of this predicament without having to shout for Morpheus or Gwen.

And then her hands were touching him, gripping his sides, her fingers slotting into the cage of his ribs, and he tried to jump clear out of his bones with a nervous, uncomfortable laugh. “Fuck—”

“You like that word.”

“S-sorry,” he stammered as he watched her poke and prod, watched her play with the carpet of hair on his chest with all the curiosity of a child, watched her reach for his head and lift the strands of his hair. She combed her fingers through it, just to see what it felt like, and tracked the form of his muscles and bones from his shoulders to his arms down to his hands with a firm, probing grip. She sniffed at his scalp, his neck; something warm and wet dashed across his skin, and she pulled back, running her tongue along the top of her mouth with a perplexed expression as if pondering the very taste of him for an answer to her question. Hob’s stomach turned. “Just. Just a bit uncomfortable.”

She looked sharply into his eyes, seizing on his words as if they held the answers she sought. She picked up his hands, feeling every finger, every callous, bending his joints through their ranges of motion.

“Why?”

“Hey, um.” He took the risk and closed his hands on hers, trying to hold her still, “D-Delirium, was it?”

“MMhmm,” she frowned, trying to extricate her hands and continue her so very important study.

“Look, I-I’d love to help you understand your brother, but this is really not appropriate. You should come back in the morning like Morpheus said.” She had been stilling as he spoke, staring at his hands on hers, and a light bulb went off in his head: a way out, a way to distract her. “Wh-where’s your dog? He’s probably real worried about you—”

“He’s with the fishies,” she mumbled.

Hob gulped.

“A-as in dead o-or—”

“No, sleeping! Don’t be silly, it’s sleeping with the fishies, not drowned with the fishies or chopped up with the fishies or run over with the fishies—” She had been fighting to pull her hands free again, frowning all the more deeply even as her voice lilted and twirled, and Hob gripped her a bit tighter despite his better judgement.

“Delirium.” She stopped. She stared into his eyes this time, and he felt the world begin to get a bit fuzzy at the edges, felt gravity begin to tip. “Go home, lamb. Or g-go back to where Barnabas is sleeping, I’m sure he needs someone to look out for him while he rests. Right? You can come back in the mornin’. Promise.”

Her hands relaxed in his. And he cautiously let her go, seeing a wavering in her expression and body language that led him to think she was finally going to sulk away. What he did not anticipate was for her to draw her arms to her chest, like a child hiding away within herself, and then for her to pitch forward with rising shoulders and a doming back until she was pressed to his chest like a loafing cat or a scared toddler.

For a moment, she just laid there.

Then, she began to shake; her breaths began to tremble, and icy-hot tears seared his skin as she began to weep….

This fucking family. Jesus fucking Christ.

[coarsely]

in-character OC interview!

I'm jumping on from @noblebs because it looks really fun! I'm doing this for Saccade, because she's a good mix of blunt and having fairly distinct speech patterns.

Are you named after anyone?

"Naw. I don't like anybody enough t' name myself after them."

(In Nod, most people choose their own name, typically around 10 but can be done from whenever a child chooses. There are no legal records since the collapse of organised society, so.)

When was the last time you cried?

"Hrmph. Cryin' cryin' or pain cryin'? Latter, yesterday, but former... well I don't got time to cry about my feelings."

Do you have kids?

Her expression contorts, a glimpse of brief mournfulness before smoothing back into blank stoicness. "... No."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"Nah. Sometimes, but shit, I'm busy. Not enough time to fuckin' think up witty remarks or be smart about shit. I'm on a schedule."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"What they're wearin'. Tells you a lot out here. Mr Vítor fuckin' Cadogan, for example, in his nice fucking pressed coat, sticks out like a sore thumb. Shit looks ridiculous, I don't know how he got so far without gettin' robbed. I might've done, if I saw him walkin' down the street. Other folks, you can tell if they're likely to take a shot at ya from how many spikes they've welded to their masks, how stained their rags are. Folks dress the way they are out here."

What’s your eye colour?

"Uh..." She drifts off for a moment, concentrating. "Brown, I think?"

(They're dark grey)

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Neither. Don't got time to be watching shit."

Any special talents?

"Sure. Shutting up smart motherfuckers." She looks to the side, then sounding almost embarrassed, hastily adds "Dancin', too, before my little mishap."

Where were you born?

"Old Rhapsody. Before Eden dropped a fuckin' nuke on us, obviously."

Do you have any pets?

"Naw. Hard enough lookin' after yourself out here, no need to add a fuckin' animal into the mix."

What sort of sports do you play?

She gestures to her leg, in it's large but sleekly designed knee brace, and to the slightly dented cane with it's chipped red paint and barbed wire wrapped around it and offset handle that rests beside her. "Do I look like I'm in sportin' form? Don't be ridiculous."

How tall are you?

"Tall. Somewhere around 180cm, but you ain't getting me up to check."

What was your favourite subject in school?

"History. 'S interestin', learning how stuff was made, or why somethin' looks a certain way, or why things are the way they are. Apparently, before things got ugly, before they were buildin' nukes to 'baptise' us with, Eden n' Nod used to trade with each other on old, old train tracks. Some of 'em are still there, if you look, but out of service n' out of functionality. Ain't that wild?"

What is your dream job?

"Nobody dreams about workin'."

I'm gonna tag @ashfordlabs, @spideronthesun, @author-a-holmes, @revenantlore, @sparrow-orion-writes and @albatris, but naturally anyone interested in this is welcome to consider themselves tagged! Questions under the cut for easy access!

Are you named after anyone?

When was the last time you cried?

Do you have kids?

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

What’s your eye colour?

Scary movies or happy endings?

Any special talents?

Where were you born?

Do you have any pets?

What sort of sports do you play?

How tall are you?

What was your favourite subject in school?

What is your dream job?

[pollstuck]

Alright let's get back on track.

There we go.

AG: What is it now! EB: fuck.

?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTG: what CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CEB: ok, i am here. CEB: oh, hi insufferable! CTG: hey CEB: what is going on in here? CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like ?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC. ?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS. ?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER. ?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS. ?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED. CTG: ok later windbag ?CG: PRICK FUCK OFF ?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS BASTARD. CEB: yeah, insufferable, don't go! CEB: i think we should listen to what he has to say. ?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER INSUFFERABLE. ?CG: AS DUMB AS POOPLORD IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY. ?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME. ?CG: SO INSUFFERABLE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND ?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE: ?CG: STOP HITTING ON BLART IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH. CTG: nah CEB: haha, insufferable you're hitting on blart? really??

CTG: no CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets ?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON. ?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE. CEB: crab, is blart really your girlfriend? ?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC. ?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT. CTG: pretty sure she is CTG: or he thinks she is or something CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit CTG: but now look how far weve come CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all ?CG: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!] ?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT. ?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD. CTG: right CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude CEB: what is so different about your romance? CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have? CTG: zoosmell god dammit stop embarrassing us CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on

?CG: ZOOSMELL, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE. ?CG: INSUFFERABLE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE. ?CG: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT??? CEB: wow, okay! CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez. ?CG: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES? ?CG: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. ?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS. ?CG: ZOOSMELL, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE. ?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO. CEB: what does? ?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS. CEB: what! CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want! ?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO. ?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET. ?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE. CEB: well, yeah... CEB: but blart killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess. CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it. ?CG: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT? ?CG: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS ?CG: YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP. CTG: k then bye ?CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT. ?CG: I'M NOT DONE. CTG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible ?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT. ?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD. ?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS. ?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. CEB: wait... CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me? CEB: like, romantically? ?CG: POOPLORD JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS! ?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS" ?CG: "BUCKAROO" ?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT CTG: smooth CEB: oh man. CEB: uh... ?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT ?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?

CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this. CEB: insufferable, what do you think i should do? CTG: i dunno CTG: do you like her CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool... CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly. CTG: yeah ok CTG: but i mean CTG: anything more than that CTG: like CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!! CEB: um, wow, i don't know. CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think. CEB: but... CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing! CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do... ?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE????? CTG: doesnt concern you dude ?CG: OK ZOOSMELL, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET? ?CG: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS? ?CG: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL! ?CG: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH. ?CG: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS. CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here CTG: you just sound kinda bitter CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you ?CG: OF COURSE NOT. CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and farmstink was like no thanks bro CTG: is that how it went down ?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY INSUFFERABLE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS ?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU) CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you ?CG: FUCK OFF. CTG: haha wow bingo CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes

?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT. CTG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time CTG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude CTG: zoosmell just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances CEB: uh oh! ?CG: ZOOSMELL DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN. CEB: yeah, i dunno insufferable, i have talked to crab a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me. ?CG: EXACTLY. ZOOSMELL ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN. ?CG: AND ZOOSMELL, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND... ?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES ?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE ?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT CEB: uh... ?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL ?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP CTG: what CTG: the fuck CTG: are you talking about ?CG: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT. ?CG: SO I ASK ?CG: NO I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU BOTH ?CG: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE. CTG: thats obviously not gonna happen ?CG: FUCK. ?CG: LOOK. ?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE. ?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW. ?CG: MY RIGHT NOW. ?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE. ?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE ?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS. ?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK? ?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?

CEB: er... CEB: do... CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me? ?CG: SHUT UP. ?CG: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE. ?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? ?CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS. ?CG: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS! ?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM??? CEB: flighty and farmstink? CEB: so, uh... CEB: you want us to like, date them? ?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT?????? ?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME? ?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN. ?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS. CTG: dude CTG: no CTG: just CTG: stop ?CG: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES. ?CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE? CEB: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that! ?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY. ?CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE. ?CG: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB? CEB: um, also, CEB: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right? CEB: so, uh... ?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT. CTG: oh my fucking god CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place ?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE. ?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID. ?CG: HERE ?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us CTG: and thats saying something ?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST ?CG: NOW

?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS. ?CG: INSUFFERABLE AND FLIGHTY ARE "RELATED" ?CG: FARMSTINK AND ZOOSMELL ARE "RELATED" ?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS. ?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE. ?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. ?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE. CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with farmstink right now CTG: no peeking k CEB: wow, i have to marry flighty? CEB: uh... CEB: wow. ?CG: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS ?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL. ?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED. CTG: you should go back to sleep CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever ?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP CEB: why not? ?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY. ?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER. ?CG: MEMO OVER. ?CG: GET OUTTA HERE. ?CG banned CEB from responding to memo. ?CG banned CTG from responding to memo. ?CG closed memo.

[sorrygotthesesacks]

Felt like sharing some out of context lines from various fics across various fandoms here on Tumblr.

Apologies to the three people who follow me here and on That Other App who have seen this before, but how else will my handful of Tumblr followers realize how hilarious I am? 😋

Some of the excerpts are a little crude (or canon typically violent, since most are from JJBA Part 5). Some are from AUs.

Proceed at your own risk. 💀

“Fugo’s like the diet version of your dad, Gio.”

“It’s just…who will think of the Cuties. That’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve heard all day.”

“I suppose I’d better go with you to make sure you don’t fall down a manhole or something.”

Hopefully, Mr. Brando hadn’t recognized Fugo with his wig and makeup and red clown nose glued to his face, or it was going to be very awkward the next time Fugo showed up for his internship.

Dio looked as if Giorno had whipped out his dick and pissed on the floor.

“I would fucking love to, Fugo, but there’s nowhere for me to fuck off to, now, is there?”

Giorno was singlehandedly keeping the ladybug brooch manufacturing industry in business.

Mista couldn’t help laughing, which led to Fugo saying fuck you to Mista and Mista’s dead relatives, along with those of his grandfather, his mother, and three-quarters of his apartment block.

Fugo looked bored. Or pissed. Or constipated. It was hard to tell.

It was the fact that they could do shit like stab one another with plastic utensils and still want to hang out afterwards that made their relationship so solid.

“It’s not the first time I’ve seen you looking less than perfect, ya know. I’ve seen you armless.”

Abbacchio and the Sprites. Sounded like a cover band in a dive bar with no cover charge but a two-drink minimum.

“Goddamn fucking dollar bill! Why did you do this to me?”

One of the last missions the two of them were on together had resulted in a little casual torture.

“So I'm sorry I was a jerk and threw my boobs at you."

Ghiaccio was a wild card. He might jump into the fight to help, or he might notice someone was wearing a t-shirt with a bad pun on it and fly into a rage about what was wrong with it. It was hard to say.

And last but not least, this excerpt from my “500 words of nothing but dialogue” disaster:

“Giorno’s not laughing, though.”

“Was I supposed to? Guido, ask me again so I can respond appropriately this time.”

(Why does this Giorno line remind me of Silver? Now I really do kinda wanna make Silver’s birth name “Giorno” and not just because of my Vento Aureo Sleeping Beauty parody.)

[honeybeewhereartthee]

PINK KKOMAS KOHAKU OUKAWA 50

Spoiler for my stories

Doll look at Cheshire cat who's still carrying the wounded cat and back to mad hatter who's laughing at some jokes someone told them.

Doll: >.>

Cheshire cat: (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡???

Doll: >.> What?

Cheshire cat: (´･ᴗ･ ` )??

Doll: (￢ ￢) I don't understand shit what you mean.

Cheshire cat reach out with his free hand to pat Doll head. Doll thought nothing of it but somehow he realize something strange.

Cheshire cat: you can understand me now. (^˵◕ω◕˵^)

Doll who's now a cat:...

Doll: WHAT THE FUCK!! ヘ（。□°）ヘ

Cheshire cat: what a cute Egyptian mau. (´･ᴗ･ ` )

Doll: (︶︹︺)why most you turn me into a cat. So embarrassing.

Cheshire cat: don't you wish to understand what others from my au speaks about? (^˵◕ω◕˵^)

Doll: (︶︹︺)hmmp.

Cheshire cat held doll by the nape as they move away from the group to a free space putting him down on one spot. Before long a Maine Coon which 2 times larger than normal appear where Cheshire cat it. Cheshire cat put down the kitten he was holding by the nape on his front paws as he lay down to the ground.

Doll: (︶︹︺) is that even classified as a normal cat? That look like a fucking wild cat

Cheshire cat: (´･ᴗ･ ` )your really different from him.

Doll: (￢ ￢)are you talking about that Hatter.

Cheshire cat: yup, I'm talking about Blood.

Doll: (︶︹︺) what. Don't tell me he have more senseful name than mad hatter? Blood? That's more easy to say than fucking mad hatter when he stayed without hat for so long.

Cheshire cat; (^˵◕ω◕˵^) your quite sassy one.

Doll: everyone around me are stupid. (￢ ￢)

Cheshire cat: (´･ᴗ･ ` ) how so?

Doll: (︶︹︺) none of your business.

Cheshire cat: do you think, your other self, Bee who went far to do such fit for Love is stupid ?

Doll: no comment. (￢ ￢)

Cheshire cat: or the fact reaper who search far too long for his important friend to only failed at some point and don't realize the person beside him was that friend his looking for? That the person he search have long died and reincarnated.

Doll:(︶︹︺) why the fuck do you know those. Wait never mind. Your from that place, people of those place seems to know it all.

Cheshire cat:... (´･ᴗ･ ` )oh, my precious is awake.

???: W-where... Mamcat??

Cheshire cat licks the wounded cat face who look surprised they aren't nowhere familiar place of their room

??? Panicking: ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡ w-why am I outside??? W-wha... I-i don't like this!!!

Doll: (`ー´) whats wrong with your world mc. What's wrong with being outside?

??? Stares fearfully at doll thinking it's Blood: (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) i-i don't go out o-on m-my own... P-please... F-forgivr m-me...*hic... Huhuhu.

Doll: ...

Doll suddenly went sprinting toward the direction of mad hatter and jumps on his face and start clawing his face: (YOU BASTARD WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR MC. FUCKING BITCH WHEN IM DOWN WITH YOU, YOU WILL BE UGLY KOHAKU!! ))

but to others its nothing but meows.

Reaper: who's that lost cat? (• ▽ •;)

Mad hatter who just remove doll off his face: it's doll. (´･ᴗ･ ` )

Dollmaker:(( D-DOLL? KOHA?! WOAHH SO CUTE!! ))

Mad hatter gives the angry doll to dollmaker: here you go. (●´u`●)

Doll mewing at mad hatter: ((YOU BASTARD I WILL KILL YOU!! ))

Dollmaker: koha what's wrong? (◕દ◕)

Doll mewing: ((THAT BASTARD DID SOMETHING TO YOUR OTHER SELF. EVIL BASTARD!!))

Dollmaker who don't understand but put the reason to dress up the kitty: ehh. You want to wear dress ?(ʃƪ＾3＾）

Doll: ((*GASP. NOOOOO. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)))

Mad hatter quietly leaves and went to the place where the large Maine coons is.

Mad hatter: we it seems you awake, kitty.

Kitty:(( ₍ᐡඉ ̫ඉᐡ₎ *hic... B-blood I don't go out on my own... N-not my fault. ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡))

Mad hatter: (ㆁωㆁ)

Kitty: (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ (( s-sorry.. ))

Kitty reach out to mad hatter who sigh hopelessly as he held his stupid cat: (◍•ᴗ•◍)

Cheshire cat: (ㆀ˘･з･˘) (( stop bullying them, Blood))

Mad hatter; (´･ᴗ･ ` ) bullying huh.

Kitty: (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Mad Hatter held kitty up and kiss their forehead: my silly cat since you wish to spend outside for a while. Then have your way.

Kitty: ₍ᐡඉ ̫ඉᐡ₎ *hic. N-no.

Mad hatter: since your being a nice kitty, it's only best to award you don't I?

Kitty: can I have a hard pass? ₍ᐡඉ ̫ඉᐡ₎ *hic.

Mad hatter: nope. Time to dress you up too! (ʃƪ＾3＾）

Kitty: ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡ b-but--.

Mad hatter chuckle as he brought kitty with others to ask for a cute dress too. Dollmaker happily give the cloths to them too.

.

[mcl38]

i don't even mean this in a bad way, but i find it odd how many people think red bull brought daniel back to put him in their car again when they've basically said they have several other reserve/"third" drivers to do tests and sim work, and that daniel is there mostly for PR work and won't even be at half the races. there's people CERTAIN he's going to get a fp1 session and i'm like ... why would he? not trying to be rude at all, but they basically already have to give up two fp1 sessions for those young driver tests, and daniel wouldn't even qualify for that. especially if they happen to find themselves in a tight constructor's/driver's championship battle, they aren't going to give up valuable practice time just so fans can see their fav do a couple glory runs around a track.

also like. i'm just going to say it. i'm not a zak brown fan for a multitude of reasons, but staniels are WILD if they think christian horner and helmut marko would put up with 2 years of underperformance before getting rid of a driver. they have a history of getting rid of underperforming drivers mid-season, even. i know christian is suddenly the good guy and the hero because "he brought the prodigal son home" and such, but it's a business. they're fooling themselves if they think he could perform the way he did at mclaren at red bull and father christian horner would be like "oh, my poor child, the world is just against you, it isn't your fault, you take as long as you need to produce results baby, we can wait."

it may just be the mclaren not gelling with him, but it also seems like quite a few drivers have discussed having to work towards adapting their driving styles to these new regulations at the beginning of last year. they always talk about carlos (and the ones not delusional enough to believe the car is designed specifically for lando, lando as well) have mentioned how "weird" the mclaren is to drive, but weird doesn't equal undrivable. hell, if anything, daniel's performance got even worse versus lando with the new regulations. call me delusional, but i wouldn't be at all surprised to see oscar jump into the car and be immediately closer to lando than daniel was for much of last year, and that isn't going to reflect on his stock or demand as a driver any better than being consistently outperformed by a younger, less experienced teammate did. unless he humbles himself enough to accept a seat at a lower midfield or backmarker team, i think he's basically retiring without actually retiring. he WAS super good at one point, i'm not saying this to shit all over his career, but there are younger drivers (and even some of the more experienced drivers still on the grid) who have shown more potential lately in the midfield and backfield; there are promising young drivers who could end up impressing. why do people think he's any more deserving of a top team than those drivers are, especially since he had his chance already and basically voluntarily walked away? idk idk sorry for the 🤪 silly staniels 🤪 rants, i just really fail to understand the logic in. any of this. (and i even understand the whole like being upset or defensive about your fav drivers. like i get that. but some of the things these people actually believe and shout with their whole chests are illogical and likely just going to end in massive disappointment).

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, John Egbert, Karkat Vantas

Act 5, page 2790

?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTG: what

CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CEB: ok, i am here.

CEB: oh, hi dave!

CTG: hey

CEB: what is going on in here?

CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like

?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.

?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.

?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.

?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.

?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.

CTG: ok later windbag

?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF

?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.

CEB: yeah, dave, don't go!

CEB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.

?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.

?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.

?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.

?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND

?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:

?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.

CTG: nah

CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??

CTG: no

CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop

CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right

CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets

?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.

?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.

CEB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?

?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.

?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.

CTG: pretty sure she is

CTG: or he thinks she is or something

CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago

CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit

CTG: but now look how far weve come

CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all

?CG: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!]

?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.

?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.

CTG: right

CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude

CEB: what is so different about your romance?

CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?

CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us

CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that

CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on

?CG: JOHN, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE.

?CG: DAVE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE.

?CG: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT???

CEB: wow, okay!

CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.

?CG: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES?

?CG: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS.

?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.

?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.

CEB: what does?

?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.

CEB: what!

CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!

?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.

?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.

?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

CEB: well, yeah...

CEB: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.

CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it.

?CG: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?

?CG: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS

?CG: YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP.

CTG: k then bye

?CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.

?CG: I'M NOT DONE.

CTG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me

CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible

?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.

?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.

?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.

?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

CEB: wait...

CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?

CEB: like, romantically?

?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!

?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"

?CG: "BUCKAROO"

?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

CTG: smooth

CEB: oh man.

CEB: uh...

?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT

?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?

CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.

CEB: dave, what do you think i should do?

CTG: i dunno

CTG: do you like her

CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...

CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.

CTG: yeah ok

CTG: but i mean

CTG: anything more than that

CTG: like

CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits

CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something

CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies

CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron

CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!

CEB: um, wow, i don't know.

CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.

CEB: but...

CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing!

CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...

?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????

CTG: doesnt concern you dude

?CG: OK JOHN, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET?

?CG: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS?

?CG: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!

?CG: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH.

?CG: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS.

CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here

CTG: you just sound kinda bitter

CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you

?CG: OF COURSE NOT.

CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square

CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro

CTG: is that how it went down

?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS

?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)

CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you

?CG: FUCK OFF.

CTG: haha wow bingo

CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes

?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.

CTG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time

CTG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude

CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances

CEB: uh oh!

?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.

CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.

?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.

?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...

?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE

?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT

CEB: uh...

?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL

?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES

?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP

CTG: what

CTG: the fuck

CTG: are you talking about

?CG: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT.

?CG: SO I ASK

?CG: NO I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU BOTH

?CG: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

CTG: thats obviously not gonna happen

?CG: FUCK.

?CG: LOOK.

?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.

?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.

?CG: MY RIGHT NOW.

?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.

?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE

?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.

?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?

?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?

CEB: er...

CEB: do...

CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?

?CG: SHUT UP.

?CG: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE.

?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?

?CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS.

?CG: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS!

?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM???

CEB: rose and jade?

CEB: so, uh...

CEB: you want us to like, date them?

?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????

?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?

?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.

?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.

CTG: dude

CTG: no

CTG: just

CTG: stop

?CG: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES.

?CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE?

CEB: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that!

?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.

?CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE.

?CG: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB?

CEB: um, also,

CEB: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?

CEB: so, uh...

?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT.

CTG: oh my fucking god

CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place

?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.

?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.

?CG: HERE

?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS

CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us

CTG: and thats saying something

?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST

?CG: NOW

?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.

?CG: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"

?CG: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"

?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.

?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.

?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE.

CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now

CTG: no peeking k

CEB: wow, i have to marry rose?

CEB: uh...

CEB: wow.

?CG: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS

?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL.

?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.

CTG: you should go back to sleep

CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever

?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP

CEB: why not?

?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.

?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER.

?CG: MEMO OVER.

?CG: GET OUTTA HERE.

?CG banned CEB from responding to memo.

?CG banned CTG from responding to memo.

?CG closed memo.

[crowsteethandwolfsfeathers]

Three am seems like the perfect time for this post because why the fuck not. But I don't get a lot of the antagonism on this site. Or like in internet culture in general these days. First of all, why are people so against endogenic systems? Look, I'm still figuring my own system out and I'm pretty sure we're a result of long-term severe stress. But if you're not the result of trauma? So? Congrats, you're not traumatized. Why do I care and how is that any of my business? I also don't get antis. They seem to be a result of a puritanical culture hellbent on leading witchhunts against anything remotely "morally unpure." Hi, yes, that's literally everyone ever, get off your high horse. Maybe I'm just old, but I come from the "don't like, don't read" generation of fanficcers. Back when the "dead dove" tag was a warning that elements of a fic were dark and likely upsetting to people and when we understood the word "squick" and how it differed from "trigger." Actually, that's not entirely true: my history as a fanficcer predates the existence of the "dead dove" tag, but that's not the point here. There are things I get hella squicked out about with fic. You know what I do with those things? I don't read them, I don't write them, I don't RP them, I blacklist the tags and move on with my life. That's why my generation of fanficcers were taught to tag the everliving shit out of things. So that folks could avoid them if they wanted. It's all about curating your own online experience. That is your responsibility, not mine. I will hand you the tools to do it (by tagging the shit out of everything I write) and if you choose not to do that, that's a you problem, not a me problem. I do write fanfics and original fiction deserving of the "dead dove" tag. Generally that's due to abuse (typically of a physical, psychological, or emotional - not sexual - variety and generally between two or more adults) and I do use that to explore my own experiences in a safe and controlled way. Because I've been subjected to a lot of that, especially psychological and emotional abuse. It's a way that I can examine those experiences and try to work with them in an environment where I am completely in control. I can make it stop. If I want to, I can drop it and walk away and never look at it again. I did not have that power when actually living those experiences. Whatever the hell you've been through - or haven't been through, for that matter - you deserve space to make sense of that. Just warn people about the contents of your work. Tag that shit. And if I don't like it or find it disturbing, I will avoid it and move on.

I dunno, there wasn't really a point to this, I'm just frustrated with people. And especially a lot of the hypocrisy I see all the time. I jumped into online fandom when it was still the fucking wild west. In those days we really did live by "tag your shit" and "don't like, don't read." Like take some responsibility for moderating your own media experience. And I find a certain level of hypocrisy in me, a fucking gryphon who apparently has a couple of other people hanging out in their head, trying to tell anybody else their identity is invalid. Live and let live, folks.