#but please hbo if you’re gonna do it could you talk to me before you do season 3

[arliedraws]

Rewatching the PoA movie as I do chores, and I gotta pause while I’m thinking about this.

People who know me even slightly understand that this is my least favorite HP movie. In my opinion, it totally misses the point of the book and tries to simply hit plot points without understand what ties them all together.

If this is YOUR movie and you LOVE IT, this post is NOT for you! Save yourself some grief and don’t click the ‘read more’ below.

Here’s what the film does right:

- Wise/playful Sirius. We get a wink and nice touchy moment with Harry, and I see a glimpse of the Sirius I love here. This is good! The quiet moments with Gary Oldman is Sirius are VERY good. As time goes on, I am much more confident that Oldman would’ve made a very good Sirius given the opportunity. That intimate scene with Harry and Sirius at the end is a good cinematic interpretation of the internal longing Harry expresses to the reader.

Okay, that’s it. That’s all I like.

Nitpicky bits:

- The editing is just. Weird. We see ONE dinner scene with Marge and it seems like Harry just blows up one night (or blows her up lol) as if he’s just got a short fuse. Harry is a quiet person. He watches, he listens, he puts up with shit until he breaks. This scene needed to be longer, it needed to have more tension. We needed to understand the deal between Uncle Vernon and Harry + signing the permission form for Hogsmeade. One way this could have been shot with Harry at the table with everyone and slooooooow down the conversation. Build the tension. Close-ups, shots of Harry trying to pretend he doesn’t hear her. The book scene is very tense because Harry is quiet as they are talking about him as if he’s not there. THEN, he quietly speaks, drawing their attention.

- Don’t get me started on the Firebolt scene.

- Sirius saying when Remus is transforming “OH NO HE DIDN’T TAKE HIS POTION” as if Remus regularly took Wolfsbane back in the day? And then Sirius pleading with Remus not to transform??? Like Sirius, I think you know werewolves don’t work like that.

- I hate the werewolf design. It doesn’t HAVE to look like the wolf in canon (which is nearly indistinguishable from a regular wolf), but damn, it just didn’t do it for me.

- When Harry sees Peter on the Map??? Dude that was so dumb.

- The scene with the animal noises? Why? I don’t care about the other boys in Gryffindor. Show me why the trio are close other than out of loyalty (something that the books honestly miss out on)

- Remus being so upfront with Harry that he knew his parents and then focussing on LILY??? And also, part of what we learn over time in the book is that Remus knew James but refuses to indulge Harry. He keeps all of that secret—the mystery of Remus is completely wasted in this movie. I would have personally played this up in the film. Build him up as the “cool” professor who holds back emotionally. The payoff when he shows up at the end at the Shrieking Shack would be like, “Oh shit! I knew there was something off about him!” when it seems like he’s helping Sirius. Then, he would have to earn back the audience’s trust just like he does with the trio.

- The Aesthetic: this movie relies on aesthetic so much more than “what makes sense narratively.” There is so much winking at the audience by the filmmakers it drives me bonkers. Anytime something weird happens, they’re like, “Haha this weird thing is NORMAL in the wizarding world! Look at how weird it is! But for them! It’s normal!” Like jfc we get it. I know the first two movies are like, “look at how beautiful magic and cool is” but GOD. This is the film where we need magic to be “normalized.” We get it. We’re three films in. This is a magical world. These cheesy, winking-at-the-camera moments aren’t even like…cute or fun. They’re boring and uncreative. “Oh, how about a maid opens a door and a monster screams at her and she’s bland about it.” Like. Is it supposed to be funny? Because…it’s boring.

When you’re focused on Vibes rather than Character, everyone turns into a cheap, bland caricature. The filmmakers do NOT understand who the characters are. Even in Sorcerer’s Stone, Ron is the comic relief but we understand that he is fiercely loyal. In PoA, he is pure comic relief. They don’t even understand Harry. Both his and Ron’s lines are given to Hermione in the Shack scene which is like…why????

But this is the problem. At the heart of every scene, it was as if the filmmakers didn’t understand why the scene was there. In the film, Harry is an angsty teenager and things happen TO him. Oh sure, they want to show that Harry feels something but…we don’t really, as an audience, FEEL it. They TRY to force that emotional tension by rushing events along and then showing Harry crying sometimes and yelling his feelings. yawn, honestly.

- There is SO MUCH SHOUTING in this film. Harry screams about killing Sirius when he hears the Minister/McGonagall/Rosmerta talking about the betrayal. This was so…poorly done. This boy needs to close himself off from his friends and stew in his hatred, not scream about it. We need to be angry with him, not feel sad for him. We need to want to kill Sirius too.

HOW THEY SHOULD’VE DONE THE BETRAYAL EXPLANATION SCENE:

Look, it would’ve been a boring movie scene if they’d done it like the book. This is not an adaptation-friendly book, and I’ll be the first to admit it. BUT. What they could have done was this: use flashbacks and montages. They do it in Sorcerer’s Stone when Hagrid explains how the Potters died and it’s effective—you see Lily panicking, dying, and then you see cute little Harry with a wand in his face. That’s emotional!

This scene in The Three Broomsticks should have been a flashback with voiceover from Fudge/McGonagall/Rosmerta/Hagrid. It should have shown us Sirius and James being best friends at Hogwarts. With them, we could see Peter and Remus (who we wouldn’t know was Lupin). Then, we should have seen Hagrid arguing with Sirius about who gets Harry (the little devil in me wants to hear Sirius’s voice break, but also, we should feel like Sirius is going to harm the baby Harry). Thennnnnnn we should have seen what the Muggle witnesses saw — Peter crying that Sirius betrayed Lily and James, a misleading explosion, and then Sirius laughing. Thennnnn a close-up of Peter’s finger. Back to present.

Why is this effective and why would it build tension? As the audience, we need to be presented with proof that Sirius is a bad guy. We need to understand why this guy’s gotta be caught!

Also, show us how scary Sirius is by reeeaaaallly playing it up with a scene with the Minister in Azkaban—quiet, sinister Sirius please. Again, give us the tension! (Sirius acting all crazy in the wanted posters instead of the book’s slow blinking, empty-eyed prisoner totally misses the mark for me.) Then, show us him sleeping and talking in his sleep.

This would have been effective becaaaaaaause you could have brought back this flashback in the Shrieking Shack scene.

Which brings me to: The Shrieking Shack scene.

The most disappointing part of the film, in my opinion.

This is supposed to be it—the built-up tension (which never actually happens) finally explodes here. But the movie holds no tension so this scene is reduced to a lot of yelling in the movie. And of course Hermione taking everyone’s lines for some reason.

As as audience, we can’t just be scared. We should be angry. Sirius needs to be quiet, softer. He’s lured Harry away from safety by kidnapping his friend. He needs to be grinning, taunting Harry (I mean, he’s not, but it sounds like it). We need to feel like Sirius is just fucking AWFUL. Sirius MUST compare Harry and Ron to James and himself. Stretch this out like a rubber band until it snaps—until Harry snaps. GOD THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A JUICY SCENE.

The explanation should have been all voiceover—Remus explaining what happened over shots of the Marauders’ time at Hogwarts. Otherwise, it’s weird that we don’t have an explanation of the Marauders…at all??

When Sirius explains what really happened November 1st, we would see shots that the original flashback didn’t show (Peter looking miffed/jealous/“suspicious” behind everyone’s backs, Peter becoming Secret Keeper, a shady glimpse Peter kneeling before a faceless Voldemort or some shit, and then finally—the missing shots from the explosion in the flashback from earlier in the film.) Then, let’s see Sirius wasting away in Azkaban, growing older and older. Give us the EMOTIONAL WEIGHT. Then, Sirius’s voice breaks and we cut back to the present. We see the trio fighting with their own interpretations with close-ups.

(I also wanna see Sirius seeing the photograph of Pettigrew when he’s explaining how he knew Peter was alive.)

Also, also. Peter needs to be the Gollum of this film. Gives us watery eyes, precious. There has to be a reason he isn’t dead, and it’s because he’s so pathetic, no one can kill him. As an audience, we need to be like, “GOD, he is SO PATHETIC and defenseless!” The idea of killing Peter should be like killing a really ugly puppy. Like…ughhhh, I just can’t do it! Show us why Harry saves him. We need to see gross begging, manipulative sobbing, and completely emotionless Sirius and Remus, watching and getting ready to kill him.

Why does the film miss the mark? Because it’s about friendship, and the filmmakers had no idea.

The subplot of the book is seemingly Hermione and Ron being on the outs because of Crookshanks and Scabbers, but like Peter does with the Marauders during the war, Scabbers drives a wedge between the trio. He seems so innocent and we think CROOKSHANKS is the problem, but it’s the quiet spy. (Sure, Hermione was a dick about her cat and if Scabbers hadn’t been Peter, it would’ve been different—I get that. Not excusing Hermione. But stick with me). Up until now, the trio’s friendship hasn’t been tested by personal problems, and now, we see how Harry and Ron respond to a challenging situation with a friend.

Which. I don’t think that’s the subplot. I think this is the crux of this book.

Harry and Ron fail very hard at friendship in this story. They fail Hermione who, while extremely flawed and misguided, has good intentions. Harry treats her with indifference and then ignores her; Ron treats her with outright antagonism. They fail Hagrid miserably when it comes to Buckbeak, and we find out that Hermione has been doing her best to help Hagrid despite being rejected by Harry and Ron. And this is important to the overall situation with Sirius Black because before we find out the truth, we think Sirius was a bad friend.

Okay, let me talk about the Firebolt now because the Firebolt was never really about Sirius.

The Firebolt plot was so crucial to the story that it’s outrageous they cut this out of the movie. (But the filmmakers had no idea PoA was about friendship so I guess whatever.) When Harry loses his Nimbus to the Whomping Willow, he expresses that it “felt like he had lost a friend” so when he gets a new broom that he really wants, he’s willing to sacrifice his true, human friend for it. He rejects Hermione because she told on him to McGonagall to keep him safe—not her best move but honestly, if Sirius had really wanted to kill Harry, it would have been very easy for him.

When you are making an adaptation of a book, you must ask essential questions. What is the POINT of this film? What is the lesson we are showing? Every part of that film should be building up to demonstrate that point. Trying to hit every plot point without knowing why is so lazy. “I want to make a Harry Potter film—but the tone has changed. It’s DARK now. You gotta know—he’s an ANGSTY TEEN!” Yeah, that does nothing for me, dude.

Harry’s willingness to sacrifice himself for his friends in the Shack is supposed to show that he is capable of growth and that friendship/love should come before all else. You need to be able to forgive (Snape subplot/Hermione subplot), and you should be willing to set aside petty quarrels/greed for your friends (Firebolt subplot/Peter subplot). Sure, the plot is that “a murderer breaks out of prison and wants to kill Harry Potter” but it’s not what the film is ABOUT.

If Sorcerer’s Stone is about making friends and building a friendship, Prisoner of Azkaban asks the question, “What happens when the honeymoon is over? What happens when my friends reveal glaring flaws? What happens when those flaws affect ME?”

Anyway, I really tried to give this movie another chance (I’ve seen it about 6-7 times since it came out), and it STILL does not do it for me. I’ve come around to Gary Oldman as Sirius (but not when he’s yelling or hysterical—does he EVER yell in the books?), but that’s it.

[jellybear455]

What's left of Anna - The Last of Us - Part 2

Pairings: Ellie x mother figure reader; Joel x reader

Warnings: canon violence, swearing, follows plot of the HBO series, I gave reader a name just in case that triggers you

Word count: 4200

Summary: Nearly fifteen years after the death of her sister, Anna Williams, Isabel Bailey journeys through post-apocalyptic America with her niece and a closed off stranger.

Part 1

--

Ellie is fast asleep. Her head is in my lap, and I run my fingers through her hair with one hand. The other is covered in a mixture of Joel and the soldier’s blood. I have nothing to clean it with.

Tess and Joel sit a few meters away. They both clutch their guns, watching wearily. We had been hiding out in this decrepit building since late last night. It was the furthest we could go without the daylight.

“Why are you so attached?” Tess asks suddenly.

“Good morning to you, too.” I reply quickly, as though she and Joel hadn’t been taking shifts to watch Ellie all night.

“Seriously, Bel?” Tess raises an eyebrow. “How are we supposed to the trust you if we know nothing about you?”

“I know nothing about you, either. And my name isn’t Bel.” I don’t really care that she called me by my nickname. I’m just spiteful.

Joel lifts his head. “The soldier called you Bailey. How’d he know?”

I swallow. We’re out of the QZ. These two are the only protection I have. I can’t risk lying. “My name is Isabel Bailey. I’ve known Ellie since she was born, and before she was taken to FEDRA.”

“So you’re not her mother?”

“No,” Her mother, my sister, is dead, I want to say, but the words burn at my throat.

“And the soldier?” Joel presses.

“My turn,” I say quickly. “How do you know Marlene?”

Joel glances at Tess, before speaking again. “How did the soldier know your name?”

He stares at me intensely. His eyes are stony, and there is no trace of the faraway look I saw last night. The staring contest lasts for a few more seconds before Ellie stirred.

“Did you guys sleep at all?” She asks with a yawn. She moves to stand, and Joel raises his gun. “Do I look infected?”

“Show us your arm.” Joel insists.

“Yeah. It’s not getting any worse, is it.” Ellie snarks back.

“Ellie. Tone.” I remind her. My lips twitch slightly despite myself.

Tess and Joel exchange a look for the millionth time this morning. There has to be something between then. The thought makes my throat tighten. I didn’t have time to ponder the feeling before Ellie is talking again.

“If we’re out in the open city, why aren’t we getting swarmed?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Joel replies without looking at her.

“Well, I’m gonna.”

Tess stares. “What was Marlene doing with an infected kid?”

“I’m not infected.” Silence. “She found me after I was bitten.”

“And she didn’t shoot you.”

“Clearly not. She’d lock me up and have her guys test me everyday to see if I was getting sick.”

“Test you how?” Tess asks.

I shift slightly, willing Ellie not to say much else.

“I have to pee.” Ellie says abruptly.

“Test you, how?”

“That’s enough, Tess.” I warn.

“It’s Theresa.” She mocks.

“They made me count to ten then hold out my hand and keep it steady. But, you know, I think what impressed them the most was that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster.” Ellie stands up quickly. “Now, can I please?”

Joel stands too, raising his gun. I grab my own and move in front of Ellie slightly. He sends me an irritated look.

“Fine,” Tess says, breaking the silence. “Back there, you can find a spot. Here. Tear out a couple pages.” She tossed Ellie a magazine.

“Are you sure there is nothing bad in here?” Ellie asks as she disappears through a rotting doorway.

“Just you.” Joel respond, sitting back down.

“Ha, funny.”

It was quiet for a long moment, before the annoyance boiling in my stomach bubbled over. “Jesus Christ. She’s just a kid.”

“We don’t take chances.” Joel replies after a beat. He looks down at his hand. It shakes slightly as he stretches it, and the sores look painful. Some of the irritation gives way to pity.

“Let me see.” I say, stepping forward and holding out a hand. Joel glares and Tess raises an eyebrow. “Chill out. I know what I’m doing.”

I sit cross legged in front of him, taking his hand carefully. The skin on his knuckles is torn and beginning to bruise. “Make a fist.” I instruct. “Tell me where it hurts.”

“I don’t think-”

“Tell me where it hurts.” Joel points to the knuckle of his middle finger. “Okay. Open.”

He stretches out his hand again, and I gently poke his hand, taking note of when he winced in pain.

“Marlene said you were a doctor.” Tess says.

I hummed, keeping my attention on Joel’s hand. “Graduated a few months before the outbreak.”

“I thought FEDRA took everyone with medical training?” Joel asks. I stay silent.

“That soldier knew who you were because you’re FEDRA.” Tess guesses.

“It’s fractured. Probably just hairline. If you’re careful it will heal quick.” I reply, pulling away. Joel grabs my hand with his injured one. His face contorts slightly. “I just told you to be careful.”

“Answer the question.” He presses.

I glance at Tess. She is staring intensely at me, clearly irritated with both mine and Ellie’s attempts to evade their questions. I sigh.

“Yeah, I’m FEDRA.” Tess opens her mouth to shout, but I cut her off. “I joined as a spy for a Fireflies. It wasn’t hard, all things considering. Then Ellie was born, and I shifted positions to watch over her instead.”

Tess drags her hand over her face. “So, you’re just another mindless follower.”

“No.” I snap back quickly. Now the truth was out, I couldn’t stop. “Marlene wanted me to dump Ellie. She was pissed I gave up my position for her.”

“I can imagine.” Tess replies, rolling her eyes.

I look up at Joel. He hasn’t said anything, but his hand still clutches onto mine tightly. “I didn’t know that soldier, but he came to me a few weeks ago for a broken nose. I can promise you that I am not loyal to FEDRA, or the Fireflies, really.”

Joel looks up. “Then who are you loyal to?”

Anna. “Ellie.”

He raises his eyebrows.

“Don’t be shitty. She made it through the night.” I snap.

“That doesn’t matter. It will happen, sooner or later, alright?” He turns to Tess. “We’re still close to the wall. We sneak her back into the QZ. We find a different way to get the battery.”

“This is our best shot. We take her back to the QZ, someone’s gonna notice her arm. They’re gonna scan her, and they will kill her.” Tess shoot back.

Joel squeezes my hand subconsciously. “Better her than us. We need to stop talking about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her.”

“She is not gonna turn, Joel.” I hiss. “We are not turning around, do you hear me?”

I glare at him, and he frowns back.

“Are you guys gonna make out or something?” Ellie suddenly appears behind me. I jolt in surprise.

“Shit, El.”

“What? You guys are holding hands, in case you didn’t notice.”

I snatch my hand from Joel’s, but regret it when I see him wince in pain. Ellie sits back down in the middle of the room, placing the rifle I took across my knees.

“You hungry?” Tess asks awkwardly. “You can share some of ours.”

Joel gives her an offended look.

“Thanks, but Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie replies, pulling a sandwich out of her back.

Grinning, I rummage through the pack Tess gave me, finding a few sticks of jerky. I watch silently as Joel struggles to pull apart his jerky with his injured hand.

“Is that chicken?” Tess asks suddenly.

“Yeah,” Ellie replies nonchalantly. “Marlene says they get it from smugglers. Guess it’s not you guys.”

I snicker. “’Smugglers’ my ass.”

“You’re joking!” Ellie cries.

“Nah. The guy in the apartment next door has a room with just chickens. It’s inhumane, but fucking hilarious.”

Ellie laughs, but quickly sobers when Tess stalks forward. I scramble to my feet, and Joel quickly follows suit, gripping his gun.

“Why- it’s fine, Joel. Why are you so important to Marlene? And don’t lie to me, or we’ll take you back.”

Ellie gulps, glancing over at me. I open my mouth to protest.

“And don’t you say anything, Bel. We want it from her.” Joel cuts me off. I don’t argue. About Ellie or my name.

“You take me back you don’t get the battery.” Ellie replies confidently.

“You heard that?” Tess asks. Ellie shrugs. “Well then you must have heard he wants to shoot you.”

Ellie glances over at Joel. He looks away, only for his eyes to meet mine. I grasp my rifle tighter. He won’t shoot her. If he wanted to, he would have done it already. I saw how he didn’t hesitate before killing that guy outside the QZ.

“I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult.” Tess stalks closer, crouching in front of Ellie.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I warns.

“Let her speak.” Joel demands, shouldering his gun. He’s injured, but he wont miss. I lower my rifle.

Tess continues. “Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doing this for us because, apparently, you’re worth something. But we don’t know what you’re worth if we don’t know what we have. So answer my question.”

Ellie puts down her sandwich. “She told me not to tell anybody, and I’m gonna tell the first people that I-”

“Ellie…” I hiss.

“Shut it.” Joel snaps.

“There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

“I’ve heard this before.” Joel grumbles, putting down his gun. I follow suit.

“What ever happened to me is the key to finding the vaccine.”

“That’s what this is?” Joel snaps. “We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None if it works. Ever.”

“Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this!” Ellie shoots back, standing up.

“You and me both. This isn’t gonna end well, Tess. We need to go back.”

I picks up my pack and rifle. “Fine. You go back to that hell hole. You look Marlene in the eye and tell her you’re too afraid to follow through.”

The quiet was deafening as Joel stared me down. I glower back, willing him to deny that he was afraid.

“Let’s just finish it.” Tess insists. “It doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t what they Fireflies say. If they believe she is, then we get when we want.”

Joel glars at me for a few more seconds. “Fine. But if she so much as twitches.”

“If you pull a gun on her you’ll be the one with the bullet between your eyes, alright buddy?”

Ellie makes a noise somewhere between a gurgle and a choke. I spin around, and she’s grinning. “Don’t you dare.”

“Sorry.” She whispers, looking slightly ashamed.

Joel exhales sharply picking up his rifle and attempting to shift the cabinet he showed in front of the door. I move to help, but he sends me a scowl. “Don’t call me buddy.”

Barely two minutes later, we’re outside, and Ellie is flabbergasted. “Woah…”

I was frozen, too, but for different reasons. Boston was in ruin. Sadness tugged at my gut. I wonder what my house looked like if this was the rest of the world. The only thing truly left of my sister is Ellie.

“Looks different in the daylight, huh?” grins Tess.

Joel hops onto a fallen chunk of cement, surveying the area. “We should get moving.”

It takes about five minutes of walking for Ellie to find her voice. She peers down a large crater, and I grab her pack to stop her from falling. “It looks like a fucked-up moon. Is this where they bombed?”

“Yeah,” Tess replies, slowing to a stop. Joel keeps walking. “They hit most of the big cities like this. They had to slow the spread somehow.”

“Worked here, but it didn’t in most places.” I speak up. It certainly didn’t work in Colorado.

Joel slows and comes to a half right on the edge of a huge empty street. There are no old cars or debris. It’s unnerving to see such an undisturbed space in an otherwise ruined city.

“State house is just across there. About a ten-minute walk if you could go straight.” Tess explains.

“’If’?” I ask at the same time as Ellie says, “So?”

“Long way, or the short way.” Joel replies, ignoring me.

“Well, it’s the long way of the ‘we’re fucking dead’ way.” Tess corrects. Well, that answers my question.

Ellie looks between the pair. “I vote long way based on that very limited information.”

“We have to check the hotel first.” Joel insists.

Tess takes the lead again, and Joel brings up the rear. It had been a long time since I’d walked freely. Or how ever free you could be when the world has ended. A little part of me misses the five years after the outbreak began. We never knew if we’d see the next day, or when we’d eat again, but after we met Marlene, I was free to do what ever I wanted. Anna wanted to settle, but I was wanted to explore and find survivors. My stubbornness got the better of me far too often, and Anna was dead because of it. The most I could do was keep Ellie from making the same mistakes. I owe my sister that much.

“Why are you still here?” Joel asks suddenly. I look up, surprised. Back to the present, where Anna was dead.

“I’m sorry?”

“Why are you here? You have stayed in the QZ. I don’t understand why you’re risking so much for that kid. And don’t say for the cure. If I’ve heard that once I’ve heard it a thousand times.”

I watch Ellie talk Tess’s ear off a few meters in front of us. “I told you. I’ve known Ellie since she was a baby.”

“But?” Joel presses. For someone so reserved, he had a lot of questions. “You said Marlene gave her to you to leave with FEDRA. Why would she give her to you?”

“I owed Ellie’s mother a debt.”

“What kind?”

I adjust my grip on my rifle anxiously. “One you don’t break.”

“And now?”

Silence falls. Even Ellie didn’t know I was her aunt. I wasn’t going to tell a stranger. Especially one who wanted to kill her. Tess and Ellie draw to a halt in front of us. I miss what Tess says, but I could see a bit of pride gleaming in her eyes.

Ellie tries to hide her grin. “Thanks.”

Slinging my rifle over my shoulder, I follow the pair over an upturned car. 

“So,” Tess start talking again. “No ones gonna come looking after you? Mom, Dad… boyfriend?”

“Nope. I’m an orphan, and… no.” Ellie replies, wrinkling her nose slightly. I grin. “Bel’s my only family. And my only friend.”

“What about you, Doctor Bailey? No family?”

“No one but Ellie and Marlene.” I reply truthfully. The end of the world tends to do that to you. It takes nearly everything from you. Like sisters and courage.

Ellie looks around again. “Everyone said the city was crazy. Like, swarms of infected running around everywhere.”

“Not exactly like that.” Joel replies. It was the first he had spoken in a while.

“People like to tell stories.” Tess adds, smiling humourlessly.

“So, there aren’t super-infected that explode spores on you?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Shit, I hope not.”

“Or ones with split open head that see in the dark like bats?”

Tess looks at Joel, then me. I purse my lips, and Joel stares at the ground.

An uncanny scream echoes through the buildings. We freeze, straining to listen past the screeching crows. Subconsciously, I check my knife is still on my belt and pistol is within reach. Just in case. Ellie holds her breath, so I reach over and take her hand reassuringly. She squeezes back, holding tight as we waited.

“What was that?” She asks. None of us answer.

“Let’s keep moving.” Joel says instead.

Any inkling of companionship that we had built was gone.

--

A better name of the ‘hotel’ would have been the ‘lake’. Joel heaves the door open, scattering a few ducks and revealing the entire first floor was flooded. Once upon a time, the hotel would have been a grand establishment.

“You gotta be kidding me!” Ellie cries. “Did you ever stay in a place like this?”

“No, a little out of our league.” Tess admits.

“I did.” I answer with a grin.

Joel glances over at Ellie. “How do you even know about this stuff?”

“Have you heard of books?” She sasses back. “What was it like? Tell me everything. Don’t skimp on the details.”

I laugh out loud. It takes me by surprise. I haven’t laughed in a while. “My sister took me to a concert for my eighteenth birthday. Apparently, this is part of the experience.”

“Cool.” Ellie breathes. When I don’t say anything else she adds, “And?”

“Later, babe.”

Joel takes off down the steps towards the water.

“Wait, are we going in there?” Ellie asks, her fascination temporarily forgotten.

“Yeah. We gotta get to the stairwell on the other side.” Tess replies, following behind Joel.

Ellie looks petrified. “I, uh, I can’t swim.”

“Seriously?” Joel looks dumbfounded, and I send him a dirty look.

“Do you think we have pools in the QZ?”

He rolls his eyes. “No, smart ass. I mean-” He jumps off the last step. The water barely went past his knees.

“I don’t know how I was supposed to know that.” She replies, heading down the stairs more confidently. Still, she hesitates on the last step.

“It’s okay, El.” I reassure her, striding past through the water. I try not to think about what creepy crawlies could be swimming around.

“This is so gross.” Ellie laughs, rushing towards the service desk, and tapping the bell. The dull clunking caught Joel’s attention, and he turns to watch. “Ding ding! Yes, sir, I would like your finest suite please.”

I hoist myself up onto the desk. Shoving my finger under my nose like it’s a moustache and putting on a fake accent, I reply, “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”

“Yes, sir!” Ellie giggles back.

“Right away, ma’am.”

“You guys are weird.” Joel remarks.

Ellie grabs the luggage holder, pushing it forward. “You’re weird- oh fuck!”

A body falls from the holder, knocking against Ellie’s leg. I point my gun towards it, but it quickly becomes clear that the skeleton is harmless.

“Oh my god…” Ellie pants.

“Are you okay, honey?” I ask, hopping down from the desk. I notice Joel is suddenly right in front of me, gun raised. Last I saw, he was nearly at the stairs.

“Yeah- I… sorry.”

Joel offers Ellie his hand, helping her up from where she leant against the piano. Too late, he realises its his injured one, and he flinches as she let go. I glance at it as I walk past. The bruising is purple now. I make a note to check on it soon.

“Are you okay?” Tess calls out.

“Yeah. Fucking fabulous.” Ellie replies with a sigh.

I shake my head. I wonder where that kid got her mouth, because it sure as hell wasn’t her mother.

Climbing the stairs made me miss elevators. My heart is pounding by the time Joel announces we were there.

Tess pauses to catch her breath. “Fuck. Holy shit.”

“You can say that again.” I huff.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” Ellie insists. The kid was barely swayed.

“Cut me some slack, girl.”

“Is it ‘cause you’re old?”

I scoff. “I’m forty-five, not ninety.”

“Try climbing ten flours with these knees, kid.” Tess replies, gesturing for us to follow Joel.

We round a corner and stop dead before a pile of rubble. What that supposed to be there?

“When the fuck did that happen?” Tess grumbles. Guess not. They try the doors. Blocked. “Okay, I guess maybe I could climb up there, work my way around. Open it from the inside.”

Ellie pipes up, “Uh, no, I’m the smallest, so it’d be easier-”

“No. I’ll go.” I cut her off.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m perfectly capable.” Tess scoffs. “Help me up?”

I shrug. “You were just complaining about your knees, you know.”

Joel moves to help Tess, but I get there first. Kneeling, I cup my hands. Tess steps up, and I give her a boost. She crawls into the gap, disappearing in the debris. “You good?”

“Yeah, it’s just a bit of a mess. Might need a few minutes.”

Ellie slumps to the floor, leaning her lead against the wall. I follow suit, and eventually, so does Joel.

“I could have done that.” Joel mutters.

“Not what that hand you’re not. Let me see.” I demand. He holds it out reluctantly, and I examine the bruising. “I told you to be careful with it. That means don’t use it unless absolutely necessary.”

“I haven’t used it.” He retorts.

“Don’t lie.” I reply simply. “It’s childish.”

Ellie pulls out her knife, flipping it in her hand over and over.

“Nice knife,” Joel says. Ellie glares at him, before tossing the knife again. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

“The circus.” She snaps. She folds the knife up. “Where are you from?”

“Texas.” Joel replies after a moment.

“What about Tess?”

“Detroit. It’s in Michigan.”

Ellie scoffs. “I go to school, I know where Detroit is.”

I continue to stare at Joel’s hand, partly to hide my grin and partly because I like holding his hand. Wait, what?

“So, are you and Tess like…”

“Pass” Joel answers quickly. I’ll take that as a no. My stomach flips a little. What is wrong with me? I’ve known this man all of about five minutes.

“How did you get to Boston?”

“Pass. No more questions about me.”

I huff a little and Joel gives me a look. He doesn’t move his hand from mine.

Ellie let the silence continue for less than thirty seconds. “How long do infected live?”

“I thought you said you went to school.”

“Yeah, it was a shitty one.”

“Ouch.” I grin. “I though I was a good teacher.”

“Oh, shut up. You were. Everyone else sucked.” Ellie replies with a smirk.

Joel exhales, thinking for a moment. “Well, some live for about a month or two. But there’s others, been walking around 20 years.”

“You guys ever kill one?”

“Yeah, a lot.” Joel replies without hesitation. Ellie looks at me expectantly.

“Um, yeah. A bunch. Too many.” I shift uncomfortably, and Joel’s thumb traces a circle on my hand.

“Is it hard knowing they were people once?” Always with the difficult questions.

Joel doesn’t answer. I sigh. “Yeah. But they aren’t people anymore, honey. It’s kinder to kill them then let them live like monsters.”

Ellie thinks it over for a second. “Joel?” He hums in recognition. “What about that guy last night?”

Joel freezes, his hand clutching mine a little tighter. Ellie notices, but she doesn’t say anything. A thud sounds from the other side of one of the doors. Joel grabs his gun, his hand slipping from mine.

“You can put the gun down, Joel.” Tess’s muffled voice calls out. She pushes something heavy out of the way, then opens the door.

“What now?” Joel asks.

Tess doesn’t meet his eyes. Instead, she leads us through the room and out onto a balcony. I lean over the end, looking down into the street. Sprawled below are dozens of infected. They groan and twitch, but otherwise remain motionless. The sight is unsettling. “Jesus.”

“There is so many.” Ellie whispers.

“The last time we were here they were still deep inside the buildings. But I guess enough people can through looking for a QZ, they went inside seeking shelter, and that’s how they’d get more and more of the city, bit by bit, year after year.” Tess explains, and I feel nauseous.

The infected writhe in a sort of Mexican wave. “They’re connected.” Ellie realises.

“More than you know,” Tess replies. “The fungus also grows underground. Long fibres like wires, some of them stretching over a mile. You step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, you’ll wake a dozen infected from somewhere else. Now they know where you are. Now then come. You’re not immune from being ripped apart. You understand?” Ellie looks surprised, doubtful, almost. “This is important. I’m trying to keep you alive.”

Ellie nods, stepping back from the balcony. “So, what now?”

“Short way?” I ask, looking over the buildings.

Tess and Joel stare at each other, another silent conversation. “Museum.” Joel says finally.

--

Taglist:

[multiversxwhore]

Main character: Black fem oc

Word count: 2k

Warnings: mentions of panic/anxiety attack, spiraling thoughts, and bad eating habits(?) *thought that was worth mentioning*

a/n: please do not share my work, reblogs only please. Also it’s been a while since I touched this fic, sometimes I get in my head about my work as I’m sure we all do. I hope y’all are still enjoying this story, if not…then what the hell you still doin here? This story features

Chapter 4

The meeting with White Rabbit Publications went shockingly well; according to Trinity Ross, my new boss, my personality is “fun and bubbly” but “not quite what she expected from someone who wrote such dark material.”

 As soon as I made it back to my apartment, I threw my shoes off, and headed to the kitchen. I pulled out my celebratory “eat only if you get the job” chocolate cake I baked for myself the night before. At  this moment I felt the urge to indulge myself, as I cut a fat slice, I decided that I was going to eat as much of this cake as I wanted to. “No one’s here to judge me, let me get a glass of wine real quick too.” I smirk to myself, mentally I high-five myself for deciding to put the red wine in the fridge two nights ago. Carefully I walked my plate, and glass over to the couch. 

I’m in the middle of taking my clothes off when my phone rings, groaning heavily, I pause to think if I want to be bothered with talking right now. “Nope, not now.” Throwing myself down on the couch, I grab the remote, and turn the tv on, after endlessly scrolling through HBO I settled on watching Blade for the millionth time in a row. Half way into the movie, I’m 3 glasses of wine down.  “Some mufuckas always tryna ice skate uphill mmm Amen…” I quoted Wesley Snipes lines as if I wrote them, leaning back into the couch, a content feeling washed over me, it finally felt like I was taking a step in the right direction with my life. My phone buzzed a few times, I rolled my eyes deciding to pick it up. I let out a tipsy giggle when I see it’s Adam who’s texting me. 

Adam: I hope you’re not home on a Friday night. 

Angelica: wats it to ya mr. nosy 

Adam: no date? 

I paused for a moment not really sure how to answer that, I could be witty, or I could be straight forward. While I was thinking he had already texted me. 

Adam: come out with me tonight, me and some friends are getting together.

Angelica: Mmm I'd rather get to know you first before I get to know your friends

Quickly he responded, my eyebrows shot up in shock. 

Adam: it can just be the two of us, they’ll probably ditch once they see I brought a girl along lol. 

“Well okay mister thirsty.” I giggled, I breathed out tiredly, looking up at the tv, the movie was reaching the end where Blade was having his big face off with Deacon Frost. 

Angelica: tempting, but I’m not gonna take the bait, plus we’re supposed to be hanging out tomorrow anyways. Greedy boy. 

I cringed at the last part, but I sent it anyway blaming my slightly drunken state for saying such a thing. It was a while before he responded, I threw the phone down, and went to take my things into the kitchen. As I opened the fridge to put the wine away, my eyes glanced at the leftover cake. There was enough left for the next two days, but I really wanted another slice. My uncontrollable urges take over, before I know it I’m already reaching for it. 

Bzzz, bzzz. My phone saved me just in the Knick of time before I over indulged, and made myself feel bad for it. 

Adam: shit you’re right, I guess I’ll have to wait 😒 

Adam: make sure you send me your address, I’ll come to you. 

Angelica: 😌💗  357 Perry St Apt # 333

Angelica: see ya at 7 bestie :) 

He didn’t reply back after that, I didn’t expect him to; I puffed air from my cheeks, and made my way to the bed. Laying there for a moment in the darkness, I emphasized that I’m doing a lot of what I wouldn’t expect myself to be doing. I can feel the shift happening with me, it makes me feel nervous, yet excited. Turning over in my back I tried not to let it bother me too much, but then my eyes began to sting. A wave of unidentifiable emotions swept over me, the next thing I know tears are rolling down my face, and my throat feels like the cake I ate earlier is lodged in it. All the negative thoughts I’ve kept at bay attack me all at once, “and now I feel like a piece of shit, because how dare I enjoy any fucking thing for once.” I angrily kicked the covers off, I got up and walked back into the kitchen; I snatched open the refrigerator door, and pulled the cake out. 

“Fuck it.” I began to cut myself a slice, as I’m arguing with myself like a crazy person rather I should eat it or not, someone knocks on my door. “Ugh, you’re doing this out of spite, universe.” I mumble as I throw the knife down, and walk over to the door, looking through my peephole I’m taken aback by who I see. 

“Deion?” The last time I talked to my ex-boyfriend was three months ago. I assumed he moved out of state, or dropped dead. 

“Damn, can I come in?” He took a step forward, his hand grabbing me around my waist. I hated when this happens; when I shift from depressed to horny all in for the sake of distraction. I chewed my bottom lip trying to decide whether I should partake in this toxicity or not, and Deion was gonna stand there as long as it took for me to come to a conclusion because he was a hound…

“So did y’all smash or not?” Maddison and I were sitting in her living room making plans for her next Wine Mixer. Hazel, and Taylor we’re on the phone on speaker. Nyla was of course either working or smashing some intern. 

“Oh course they did Maddison, Angie is a hoe, y’all thought she went into remission. Not I.” Taylor proclaimed, Hazel let out a holler, then proceeded to curse out the drivers around her. I rolled my eyes, it’s not like I could deny any of that, I smiled to myself as my friends continued to clown me. 

“Enemies to lovers to exes to friends with benefits? How the fuck did you manage that?” Maddison looked at me, an impressed expression on her face, in their defense I don’t talk about my love life often. I continued to type on her MacBook as I entered names from the guest list she had in her email. 

“I have no idea honestly, it all just sort of happened, I don’t think we were ever in love to begin with. But our sex chemistry is off the charts.” I shrugged nonchalantly, puffing air through my cheeks, I threw  off my glasses, and leaned back on the couch. 

“So wait, what about Adam then?” Taylor asked, my heart jumped at the mention of his name, he hadn’t crossed my mind since our short conversation last night.

“Wait a minute, who’s Adam?” Maddison sipped on her steaming mug of coffee, an eyebrow perked up with interest. Looking down at my own mug I see that it’s empty though it feels like I just filled it up, the jitteriness of my hands signaled a warning to me that I’ve had too much caffeine already. 

“The guy from the bar from a week ago, and we’re just friends. Actually we’re hanging out tonight.” I press my lips together to suppress the smile that threatened to break through. I wasn’t sure if I was excited because I’m finally hanging out with someone different or because of something else. It was something about Adam that made me feel giddy, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. 

“Maddi, you want more, because I’m about to devour the rest.” I say hovering over the leftover fried fish, mac’n cheese, greens, and cornbread she cooked for us this afternoon. 

“Nah, you can have it since you’re drooling.” She waved her hand at me dismissively as she added more items to the Amazon cart for the event. I do a little happy wiggle as I plate myself up more food, at the moment I couldn’t help but feel like a child as Maddison is always feeding me when I come over. She was just that kind of friend, the kind that makes sure you’re fed, or taken care of. 

“Taylor and Hazel tapped out, just us now.” Maddison yawned, I was starting to get a bit sleepy myself, Deion stayed the night, and then I got up at 9am to get ready to come over to Maddison’s house. I plopped back down on the couch, crossing my legs, and placing my plate on my lap. Her cat Ares hopped up and nestled himself between the both of us, a bittersweet feeling settled in my chest. I’ve wanted a cat for quite some time now, but I always talk myself out of it. For now I just live vicariously through Maddison. 

“Alright, the attendees are all listed with their contact information on an excel spreadsheet. The venue is secure, the entertainment is secure, the invitations will be sent out Monday, and now all that’s left is to buy decor, and find a set up team to put it all together for the day of.” I checked off the to-do list on my phone, just then a text from Adam popped up, followed by a text from Deion. 

Adam: You’re a best seller??? 

He then sent me a picture of him staring at my previously published book ‘Night Time Angel’ in complete shock. The grin on my face spreads faster than I have time to stop it, it warmed my heart knowing he actually went and purchased it. 

Angelica: not you googling me 🤣

“Angelica and Adam sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g.” Madison sang teasingly, my head whipped over to her, she’s looking down at her phone. Her lips turned upwards into a playful smirk, but she kept quiet. 

“Anywayssss, I think I’m gonna nap in the guest room.” I get up from the couch, bent over slightly and pop my booty out before walking away. 

“Jesus, not in front of my son.” Madison pretends to cover Ares' eyes, he lets out a soft meow as he falls back into his moms arms. I threw myself on the bed expecting to pass out, but I was buzzing with excitement on the inside now. Rolling over in my back, I opened Deion’s text, involuntarily I rolled my eyes. “Oh look,  a picture of your dick, how original.” I mumbled to myself I was about to throw my phone down when it buzzed again. 

Deion: what you doing later, my friend is having a listening party. 

Angelica: can’t, I’m busy. Have lots of fun though, and don’t get too drunk. 

Deion: so get super drunk? Roger that🫡 

I lay back on the bed, closing my eyes. I play through all the possible scenarios that could happen tonight. “Whoa Angie, are these two friends hanging out or,  a date.” I mumble to myself. 

“Girl, it's definitely a date, but lie to yourself if you must.” Maddison said walking by, I huffed, and turned over on my side facing away from the window. I set a timer on my phone, and attempt to catch a light nap. Eventually I did drift off. 

Time had gone by faster than Angelica expected, her phone alarm blaring into her ear made her heart feel like it was going to leap from her chest. Slowly she sets up, stretches her arms out wide, and throws her head back, mouth open as she yawns. 

“Imma use the shower, change then leave.” Angelica said as she stood in Maddison’s bedroom doorway, she was curled up on the bed with Ares watching Captain America: Winter Soldier for the millionth time that summer. Her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, phone in one hand, and the other lazily on Ares' back. 

“That’s cool, just lock the door on the way out, I might be asleep.” She smiled softly, Angelica nodded her head lazily, then walked down the hall towards the master bathroom.

After a quick shower, Angelica pulled on her clothes, then her shoes, and brushed her curly hair out. She double checked her makeup making sure her lash extensions were still intact, and her lipgloss wasn’t layered on too thick. Her phone buzzed on the bathroom counter, a text from Adam flashed across her phone screen. 

Adam: hey might be running a bit late. 

Adam: sorry

She quickly typed back, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips. 

Angelica: :) that’s fine, see ya when I see ya. 

Sighing to herself in content, she gathers her things from the living room, and leaves Maddison’s house, locking the door on the way out. 

[moon-ursidae]

THE LAST OF US HBO SPOILERS

i’m just gonna do one long post bc it’s easier

TESS!!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH ALREADY

ELLIE!!!!! BELLA IS AMAZING ALREADY

oooohhhhhhhhh i’m interested in this tommy situation

i’m fucking obsessed that the original game score is being used in here i’m so emotional

omg joel’s place is kinda slay i love that blanket

ohhhhhhhhhh no joel. sarah’s screams😭

JOEL IS THE LITTLE SPOON THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE AND I’M NOT ELABORATING LMAOOO

the way he SPRUNG into action when he saw her face🥺

goooodddddddd someone hug this man please

i love him. i love her. i love them together.

“robert is terrified of you” AS HE FUCKIN SHOULD BE LMAO

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so the battery is the cargo in this case gotcha gotcha

MARLENE!!!!! MERLE DANDRIDGE!!!! QUEEN FIREFLY!!!! LET’S GOOOOOOO

“you tell me to look for the light and i’ll break your jaw” FUCKIN SLAYYYYYY JOEL

he looks so goddamn fucking good. holy fuck.

I LOVE ELLIE. I LOVE BELLA AS ELLIE.

she’s so fierce.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO the way she instantly jumped to marlene being her mom

RILEY MENTION RILEY MENTION AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH

TESS AND JOEL FUCKIN SLAY WOO WOO WOOO WOOOOOOOOOO

his wet hair?👀

FUCK the fungal practical effects look so goddamn good.

i mean, these effects are BANANAS

“this has been construction corner with joel miller” HAHAHAHA I LOVE HER

oh shit that’s robert!

FIRST JOEL AND ELLIE INTERACTION AHHHH

I LOVE THAT ELLIE’S FIRST IMPRESSION OF JOEL IS THAT HE REDIRECTED/THREW HER INTO THE FUCKING WALL💀💀💀

FERAL ELLIE SLAY

PLEEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEE OH MY FUCKIN GOD THE WAT HE RAISED HIS EYEBROWS AT HER LIKE “don’t fuckin move” LMAOO

i also love that tess is wearing the same color shirt in the game. wardrobe slay

PEDRO IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD IT’S FRIM THE GAME AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“what’re you doing?” “killing time” “well what am i supposed to do” “i’m sure you’ll figure that out.” “your watch is broken.” “you mumble in your sleep.” JAVSKWHSKSBSKSBSKSBSKS KSBSKSBSKSB

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH ALREADY.

“you some kind of big wig’s daughter or something?” “something like that.” KABSKABSKSVSKSBSKSBKSBSID

i’m gonna freak out everytime something STRAIGHT from the game is in this

and idgaf if that’s annoying bc i’m excited as fuck

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO JABSKSBSKSB

omg she punked him to fund out what the code is I LOVE HER

THE SHIT EATING GRIN HAHAHAHA

THE STANCE™️

OMG THE STEALTH SECTION AHHHHHH

the closeup on the watch🥺

“holy shit i’m actually outside!” KAHSKSHSJSVSHHEHEHDHXH LIKE THE GAME AHH AHH AHH AHH

THE TUNNEL!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS SO BADASS

THIS IS FROM THE PROMO WHERE JOEL PUNCHES THE FUCK OUTTA THE GUY

OHHHH SHIT IT’S THE SCANNER SCENE OHHHHHH

joel is so pissed they got caught

THE FLASHBACK??? FUCKIN AYE.

WITH ELLIE BEHIND HIM OH MY GOD

oh my fuckin god. that’s why he’s so brutal with it. goddamn.

ellie is standing in an odd way watching joel pummel this guy. it’s not fear or danger, but like she wants to watch? idk it’s odd

this is fuckin crazy dude. tess finding she’s “infected,” ellie saying “it’s 3 weeks!” and joel reeling back from beating the fuck out of the guy oh my god

is this what they were talking about with his hearing? or is this just him coming out of it? probably coming out of it

THE RADIO IT’S AN 80s SONG OH MY GOD IT’S FUCKIN DEPECHE MODE AHHHH

OH MY FUCKING GOD

THE CITY LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD MIXED WITH THE CLICKER SOUNDS

CREDITS???? MORE PLEASE. PLEASE.

THAT WAS AMAZING.

holy fucking shit. i-

i need to rewatch and process. this was phenomenal. i’m obsessed. fucking obsessed.

i’m so happy i’m crying. oh my god.

this game means so goddamn fucking much to me even though i’m newer to it. and i’m so happy that other people that love the game got to work on and create this. i’m so proud for them.

IN THE WEEKS AHEAD???

AHAHSHSKSBSKSBSKBSKSBS

THE HOSPITAL AT THE END YOU’RE FUCKING JOKING

OMG BTS???

INSIDE THE EPISODE??????? WHAT????

this is fucking epic

“my sarah”🥺

“i could not ask for a better on screen dad”😭

MERLE DANDRIDGE WOOOOOO

i fucking love her

NEIL SAYING JOEL COULDN’T SURVIVE LOSING ANOTHER DAUGHTER😭

“joel forgets that the girl that is standing behind him is not his daughter.” “primitive instinct takes over. he can’t help but act. something else took control of him in a similar way to how the cordyceps does. except for him it’s a version of love.”😭😭😭😭😭😭

oh my god i thought the way ellie was standing there was weird dude it’s bc she liked that she was being defended

“these two were meant to be together, but look out.” SO FUCKING ACCURATE

holy shit. that was fucking awesome. oh my god

i need to process lmao

this is gorgeous. i’m so fuckin happy.

[companionjones]

Triggers of Desire

Pairings: Lord Asriel x Fem!Reader

Fandom: His Dark Materials (HBO)

Summary: You stop Asriel from doing something terrible. The two of you argue about it. Things ensue (though not directly resulting from the arguing).

Warnings: Cursing, SMUT, Mommy kink, Dom!Reader, Sub!Asriel

*******

    “Don’t you dare,” you warned.

    “Dare to what?” Lord Asriel questioned. “I know what my life is for, what I was born for. She is not a part of that plan.”

    You were shaking, livid. “Say her fucking name, you arsehole! Her name is Lyra. She is your daughter!”

    “Not in any way that counts!”

    “Stop pulling that shit, and take responsibility for once in your goddamn life!”

    “Responsibility?! I was responsible when I left her at Oxford when she was born!”

    “Yes, and that’s the only good thing you’ve ever done, and that’s including all this so called ‘work’.”

    Asriel’s face twitched. “Now you’re the one who dares--”

    “Were you going to kill that child?” you interrupted. Your voice was deadly calm.

    He clenched his jaw. He stayed silent.

    “If I hadn’t stopped you and told you of the ripple that I found, would you have killed Roger to create your own doorway?”

    “...You know I would have.”

    That ripped your heart in two. “Jesus Az.” You sat down on your bed. “When did you get like this? When we were in school together, you were ambitious, yes, but you...you had a heart. I know that much.” You finished, leaving out some details you didn’t want brought up in that moment. “And when you started dating Marisa...Dammit Az, I had never seen you so happy.”

    “Don’t bring up that vile woman now.” He was facing the fireplace then.

    You furrowed your brow. “I thought you loved her. Even after all those years...”

    “She sent her daemon to attack Lyra. Hurt her,” Asriel spat.

    “See? Was that so hard? Using her name?” you almost teased. “I knew a part of you loved that girl.”

    “Now who’s not using her name?”

    If you didn’t know any better, you’d say Asriel was teasing you, too.

    He paused for a moment. Asriel sighed. He sounded tired. “I don’t think I ever loved Marisa.”

    You couldn’t help but laugh. “Then why--?”

    “Because I couldn’t have the woman I truly loved.”

    Your heart stopped. “...Why bring this up now?”

    “Because,” he turned around to face you, “It’s why I’ve distracted myself all this time with my work. It’s why I’ve become obsessed.”

    “So it’s my fault now?” You were on your feet.

    “No!” He cursed. “It’s mine. It’s just...seeing you after all this time. Thinking about how Jeffery--”

    “Jeffery’s dead,” you blurted.

    Asriel looked as if he had just gotten the wind knocked out of him.

    “Two years ago, he went out on an expedition...and he didn’t come back. His men said that he had fallen from a cliff.”

    A heavy silence filled the space between you and Asriel.

    “What are you doi--”

    Lord Asriel had been crossing the room to you, and he cut you off by capturing your lips with his.

    You moaned at the impact. Asriel’s hands went to the base of your head and the small of your backs when you were too surprised to touch him at all.

    “Az--” you tried once the kiss broke.

    But he was already talking again. “I’ve wanted to do that for...so long, but you and him were already together by the time we met. When you got engaged as soon as we graduated, I...I thought I lost my chance with you forever.” Asriel kissed you once-twice more before his lips trailed down your cheek to your neck.

    Finally, you could speak, but you weren’t sure you were able. When your gaze met his again, only one question left your lips. You thought back to all the little moments you shared with Asriel. All those times you caught his gaze lingering on your lips. You assumed he caught you in the same way many times. “You thought it was one-sided?”

    Asriel’s eyes darkened. His pupils started to dilate. His gaze shifted back to your lips with a newfound hunger. “You mean...to tell me...all this time...that you’ve felt the same?” he grunted between assaults.

    “Always,” you gasped.

    “Then why not say something? I would’ve taken you away. We could’ve had a life together.”

    “At what cost? I was already with Jeffery. If I left him and ran away with you...Do you have any idea what that would have done to our reputations?”

    He growled, “I have never once in my life cared about my reputation. Had you said the word, I would have taken you away. Damn everyone else’s thoughts.”

    The feeling of Asriel’s mouth all over you and the words leaving his mouth had caused you to not notice he had been undressing the both of you. You didn’t notice you were naked until your bare back hit the bed. Asriel was already on top of you, lips trailing down again.

    “Wait.” The word left your mouth out of shock.

    He did so. His eyes met yours again. His head was hovering over yours.

    Again, a thick silence settled over the two of you.

    “Do you want me to stop?” He swallowed, causing his Adam’s apple to bob.

    It only took you so long to respond because the word had taken so long to travel from your brain to your lips. “No.”

    Asriel took a shaking breath. It was clear to you how much he was holding himself back. “...I need to hear you say it.”

    His eyes were glued to your lips. So were yours to his. You didn’t know if you could handle what was coming. “Take me, Lord Asriel.”

    He leaned down, and captured your lips again. He breathed in the scent of you, and on his exhale, Asriel’s hands traveled up and squeezed your breasts.

    You gasped, as the action took you off guard.

    Asriel used the opportunity to slowly lick your tongue before his mouth started making a wet path down your jaw to your tits.

    “Fuck, Asriel,” you moaned when his lips closed around your nipple. You could feel his tongue rolling over the sensitive bud. His hand was tending to your other breast, his fingers pinching and tugging at your nipple there.

    At your loud moans in response, Asriel’s cock twitched. You could feel the hard member pressing against the inside of your thigh. He was only getting harder. He switched what he was doing to your breasts.

    One particular shock of pleasure caused you to call out and pull Asriel’s hair, and he reacted with moan and an involuntary thrust into your thigh. You could feel his face heat up on your tits, and made a mental note of the button you could push (or in that case, pull).

    Eventually, Asriel left your chest. His mouth trailed down your stomach.

    “Asriel, what are you doing?”

    His eyes met yours as he sucked at the inside of your right thigh.

    You almost drooled at the sight of him between your legs.

    Asriel must’ve known exactly what he was doing to you, because when his lips left your skin, he wore a mischievous smirk that you had not seen since you were in school together. “I thought it was obvious.” He kept eye contact with you as he leant down and licked a long stripe up your cunt.

    You tried to keep yourself propped up on your elbows so you could match his gaze, but you fell back and your eyes shut tight almost as soon as Asriel made contact. The strangled moan that left your lips was the most lewd sound you had ever made.

    Asriel’s hand moved up and down your leg as encouragement. He only parted from your lips long enough to express to himself, “Oh god, yes.”

    The last person to interact with you like that had been Jeffery, and...Well, the two of you had grown apart toward the end of your husband’s life. It had been a long time for you. Besides time, you had always been jealous of Marisa for having Asriel when you couldn’t, but in that moment, you were jealous of the woman for a whole other reason. Asriel had a gift. You didn’t last long with his mouth working on you.

    “Asriel-Asriel, oh god. Oh god, yes. Asriel, I think I’m gonna...”

    Vaguely, through the deafness your pleasure caused, you could hear Asriel. “Come for me. Please, come for me.”

    As your stomach and legs tightened up, you grabbed a fistful of Asriel’s hair and tightened your grip as well.

    His moan against your lips was enough to send you over the edge. “Oh, god...oh Asriel...”

    When you came to, Asriel was already making out with you again. It took you a moment to put together what he was saying. “...need you...right now.” Asriel pulled away from you. “You need to tell me in this moment if you can’t do this because once I’m inside you, I won’t be able to stop.” One of his hands was playing with your breast while the other was sliding his cock up and down your folds, spreading the slick. As if things weren’t already slick enough.

    You tugged him down to you using the back of his neck. You ordered, “Fuck me, Lord Asriel.”

    It barely took him a second to comply.

    You gasped when he entered you, and Asriel groaned, “Oh, darling.” He scrambled to find your mouth to kiss.

    While catching your breath from his thrusts, “Good boy,” slipped from your lips.

    It seemed to knock the air out of Asriel. He snapped his hips into you. The man whimpered.

    “You like that?” The corners of your mouth turned upward.

    Asriel didn’t respond. He stayed buried deep inside you. He seemed to be working very hard at keeping his breathing normal.

    You had no problem taking control. Suddenly, you flipped the two of you over.

    “Are you my good boy?” you smiled. You leaned down to kiss Asriel as you humped his cock. Making your way down his jaw to his neck, you repeated, “My good, good boy...my baby...”

    As time went on, it got harder and harder for Asriel to hold back his moans and whimpers. One of his hands slid up to the back of your neck. “Y/n...”

    Licking up to his ear, you whispered, “You think you can call me ‘mommy’?” You knew it was a risky move. Your kink wasn’t for everyone, but there wasn’t anybody you trusted more than your Asriel.

    His cock twitched inside you. “Keep going, m-mommy, please...”

    That was music to your ears.

    “Good boy,” you encouraged, “You gonna cum for me? Hm?” You gonna cum for mommy?”

    He looked so helpless as he nodded.

    “Then cum for me. Cum for me, baby. It’s okay. Let go.”

    “Oh god.” He tensed up. “Oh my god. Mommy-mommy, I gotta--” Without warning, he flipped the two of you over and started slamming into you.

    You tried keeping up with him, but you eventually fell back in ecstasy. Your orgasm overwhelmingly coursed through you.

    Immediately after you, Asriel filled you, and collapsed on top of you. As he came, “Mommy!” desperately flowed from his lips.

    Hearing it like that was enough to tighten your walls even more than they were before.

    That word fell from Asriel at least 20 more times before you two were done.

    After, as the two of you laid together, Asriel eventually whispered, “I am so sorry, darling. I shouldn’t have...I should have never even thought...”

    “I know, baby.” You pulled yourself closer to him. “I know.”

    He continued, “I think...I want to try to to be a better father.”

    That made you prop your arm up on an elbow so you could look at him. You stroked his cheek with your thumb. “Are you sure, baby? This is something you have to be sure of.”

    “I know, darling,” he nodded, “I know I want this. And...I know I want you by my side.”

    Your heart skipped a beat. You smiled. “Yeah?”

    His happy face matched yours. “Yes, darling. If you’ll have me.”

    “Of course I’ll have you, baby.” You kissed him. “Of course I will.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also really appreciate a comment, if you have the time. If you would like to read more, I have more fics on His Dark Materials over on my page. You should check it out. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

[canniballistix]

Parallels/metaphor/whatever of john winchester and god both as absentee fathers in hbo spn?

"I can't," Dean hissed.

His hand was shaking. Why was his hand shaking? This was something he'd done a thousand times. He'd lost track of the number of girls he'd kissed.

And yet… his hand shook. His hand shook as it cradled the one which cupped against his cheek, and it only served to make this whole thing all the more intimate.

The boy sighed, and Dean could feel the weight of his breath. "I thought you liked me."

"I do!" Dean said, even as the hand slipped out from under his. "I do, I do, swear to God I do."

"I-it's okay," the boy said. His hand dropped back onto his knee. "Look, I-- I get it, man. You're a guy's guy, and I'm… I dunno."

"Hey." Dean but his hand on the boy's shoulder and gripped it firmly. Though this steadied his hand, he could suddenly feel the way the boy was quaking. "It's nothin' to do with you, okay? You're… I mean, you're…"

The boy's piercing eyes were fixed on Dean's face as he struggled to find the right words. The longer they alluded Dean, the deeper the boy's heart sank.

At last, Dean sighed. "You're fuckin' gorgeous, okay?" he said at last. "Look at you. Jesus."

The hint of a smile tugged at the boy's lips.

"And you got good taste in music, and you're smart," Dean continued. His list ended there, however.

The boy cleared his throat. "But…?"

Dean closed his eyes. The way a business man closes his eyes just before he fired a good, hardworking family man. "But…" he managed to say, fingers wandering across the hem of the boy's shirt, "as much as I want to… I can't."

The boy sat there a moment longer.

It was a strange sort of quiet here, under the bleachers.

It should have been just as loud as the rest of the football field. Yet, somehow, the sounds of the crickets were so much softer. The wind seemed to miss them entirely. Here, on an autumn night, these two boys may as well have been in their own world.

The boy brushed away Dean's hand. Like it was a mosquito. Like it was nothing. "Fine. I get it," he said, getting to his feet. "Really creative way to get out of kissing me. Dramatic. Shakespearean, even."

Dean pounded the ground with one fist, then leapt up after the boy. "God, Jesse, wait--"

Jesse. That's it. His name was Jesse.

"I'm done."

"Please, if you just let me explain, I--"

"You're not explaining!" Jesse whirled to face Dean. "You're not saying anything!"

Dean took a deep breath in, and he was surprised to find that his lungs seemed to be quivering, as well.

Jesse stared at Dean. His fists were clenched at his sides. The floodlights over the football field cast an otherworldly light over his dark and messy hair, like light from heaven itself.

It did not reach Dean where he stood, still under the bleachers, his hand just barely reaching out into its warmth.

"Well?" Jesse prompted.

"My dad," Dean blurted out.

Jesse raised an eyebrow. "You dad?"

Dean shook his head. "If he found out-- if he knew--"

"How could he?" Jesse asked.

Dean blinked. His heart was hammering against his ribcage.

"He's not watching, Dean," Jesse said, a hand raised to the sky.

Dean thought about that. He looked to the sky, as well, inexplicably feeling as if John Winchester might be peering down at him from the top of the bleachers.

And yet, despite that strange terror that John was watching, that he would somehow know, this was the first time Dean realized that his father wasn't there. And not just on the bleachers, but anywhere-- anywhere at all in Dean's life where it might have mattered.

Wherever a father should have been--loving or kind or cruel or spiteful--there was merely a hole. A blank space where John may have fit, and yet never did.

The fear was melting away.

Because there was nothing there.

Only stars.

Dean stumbled out into the light. He grabbed Jesse by the front of his hoodie, and kissed him like his life depended on it.

~~~~~

"I can't," Castiel said.

Dean rolled his eyes. "You can't what? You can't taste?"

The angel returned a shrug. This was something new he'd picked up from Dean, though he didn't seem to have it down just yet-- Castiel only shrugged his shoulders when he didn't feel like answering, not because he didn't know the answer.

"You're not even gonna try?" Dean asked, pushing the plate of french fries a little closer. "C'mon, how bad could it be?"

"I told you, I can't," Castiel replied, pushing the plate back towards Dean.

"Now that's just stupid," Dean said. "You can't eat at all? For real? Your vessel can eat, can't he?"

"Of course he can," Castiel said, all but rolling his eyes. "I cannot."

Dean gave into temptation and growled lightly, pulling the plate towards himself and chomping down on another french fry.

The diner was quiet. When he was traveling with Castiel, Dean preferred to dine at night-- in fact, he preferred to work on as much of a night schedule as possible. Castiel was, to put it lightly, a fucking weirdo, and corralling him into acting even remotely human was a full-time job.

But anything goes at three in the morning in a twenty-four-hour truck stop.

All that could be heard was the clattering of dishes in the kitchen-- far fewer than those filling the sink twelve hours previously. Occasionally, something would come flying down the highway. Funny how much faster they seemed to rush by when there was so much stillness in-between.

Dean sipped his coffee.

Castiel sat very still, his hands folded delicately on table in front of him. He was staring out at that highway, and yet his eyes seemed hardly focused at all.

Dean leaned forward, trying in vain to see what it was that had Castiel so captured. As he did, he saw the man's reflection ripple along the surface of the glass, light against the darkness of the night.

In passing, Castiel's reflection looked just as one might expect. He was, after all, a dirty little man in a trenchcoat, and that was reflected quite plainly. The closer you looked, however--the longer and deeper you stared into the forms, into his eyes--the more you would see.

Some people saw God or Jesus or whatever. Some people would catch a rare glimpse of the true angel, its power lessened to that of a sharp headache by the reflection. Most people, though, saw people.

No one in particular. Just shadows of people half-remembered, ghosts of the past.

As Dean looked at Castiel's reflection, he saw something familiar in the sharpness of his eyes. In the dark mess of his hair. In the tautness of his lower lids as he gazed out into nothingness.

A boy. His name nearly forgotten--James or Jonathan or something--but his face as crisp and clear as ever.

His first kiss.

Not his first-first kiss. Not really. But his first kiss that had felt the way they say it should.

"Whaddya mean?" Dean asked.

Castiel turned to look at Dean. He didn't ask for clarification-- not out loud, at least.

Dean set his jaw. "What do you mean you can't?" he said. "You can't… like, physically?"

Castiel frowned. "No. I'm quite capable of eating."

He paused.

A pause so long he may have, in fact, finished talking.

Dean cleared his throat. "But…?"

"But," Castiel said, almost stalling, "it is frowned upon."

Dean scoffed. "Frowned upon?"

"Yes," Castiel continued. "The garrison is very strict about how… involved we should be in human culture. Eating, listening to music, dancing--"

"You're not allowed to dance?!" Dean smacked his forehead, biting back a laugh. "Goddamn. Remind me to show you Footloose sometime. You'd get a kick outta that one."

"Mm."

Castiel did not seem near as enchanted by this as Dean. It occurred to Dean that, if listening to music was forbidden, watching movies was likely on the shit list, too.

Dean cleared his throat again. "I mean. That sounds…" But he couldn't think of the words, exactly. "Wh-who told you not to do that junk?"

Castiel cocked his head. "God, of course."

"Right. God." Dean nodded slowly. "Sounds like a stand-up guy."

"I wouldn't know," Castiel said. "I've never met him."

Dean squinted. "You've never met God." Not a question, exactly, though he intended it to be. "Isn't he, like… your dad?"

Castiel sighed. "I suppose you could say that."

"But you've never met him?"

"I've never met him."

"But you're living your life by his rules?"

"Of course," Castiel said. "He… if he found out-- if he knew that I was--"

"How could he?"

Castiel blinked.

"Cas." Dean pushed the plate of french fries back across the table. "God's not watching."

Castiel thought about that. For some reason, he turned to look out the window once more, gazing balefully at a streetlight in the parking lot. As if God himself would appear under it.

And yet, despite that strange terror that God was looking down at him, that he would somehow know, this was the first time that Cas truly realized that his father wasn't there. Not just under the streetlight, but anywhere-- anywhere at all on Earth that may have mattered.

Wherever God should have been--loving or kind or cruel or spiteful--there was merely a hole. A blank space which may have been holy, and yet never was.

The fear was melting away.

Because there was nothing there.

Perhaps Cas himself was the holiest thing on Earth.

Cas reached out and lifted a french fry from the thick ceramic plate. He made eating diner food look like a celebration of the Eucharist.

[holycrapharry]

Hot Noodles

Y/N takes out her extremely hot container of noodles out of the microwave and hurries over to the break room table. Her body collides with another and the cup of noodles goes flying, landing on Marcus’ feet. “Nice one, Harry. Could you watch where you’re going and not bump into people for once?” Y/N rolls her eyes at him and brings her attention to Harry, who unfortunately has a stray noodle dangling from his glasses.

“I’m so sorry, are you alright? Like did I burn you?” He shakes his head and sheepishly grins. “You sure you’re alright?” She stands and reaches for some paper towels.

He brushes off the noodles and he even laughs at the one hanging from the frames of his glasses. “Yeah, I keep spare shirts in my car. When you’re clumsy like me, you have to be prepared.”  He helps her clean up the mess and even offers to get her more noodles. He was sweet.

She always found Harry cute, she never understood why the other women in the office or labs didn’t think so. He was so smart and witty. He even knew how to laugh at himself. He had big dimples and nice hands and, “Harry, do you have a tattoo?” She has no idea why she never noticed before. He had this habit of spinning his mug around while he read, she had watched him so many times and never noticed.

He looks down at his hand and unbuttons the wrist of his sleeve, rolling it upwards. “I have a lot actually. The hand one is a bit hard to hide.” He looks back at Y/N and sees that she’s either confused or maybe even intrigued. “Not a lot of people know that I have them, work attire and all that keeps them covered.”

She blinks and looks back at his face, still not understanding the things the woman in the place say about him. “I would’ve never have guessed.”

He pushes the glasses up the bridge of his nose, “Guessed I had tattoos?” She nods and he smirks at her, “I bet a lot of people here wouldn’t either.” She stares at him for a few moments and he clicks his tongue, “Well, I’m gonna go get that shirt. Um, I’m sorry about your noodles.”

As Harry leaves, Lilly walks in and takes a glance and his wet shirt. “What happened? Did Harry spill his food again.”

Y/N rolls her eyes for the second time, “No, I accidentally ran into him with my lunch.” She opens a yogurt and sits at the table with Lilly. She doesn’t know why but the thought of Harry covered in tattoos makes her smile.

“Do you have the hots for Harry?” She refuses to answer and Lilly laughs, “Oh my god, do you?” Y/N just looks at her and eats her yogurt. “Y/N, he’s not exactly dating material.”

She snorts and gives her a glare, “Why not? Why do people think he’s like this, this weirdo?”

Her gossip loving coworker scoots her chair closer and begins to whisper. “Do you not know about his little run in with Maya?” She shakes her head ‘no’ and Lilly continues, “Well, she knew Harry in college and said that his sister would always bring him to parties. You know, to like, get him to go out and stuff. She saw him at a party one night and one thing leads to another and they ended up in one of the rooms.” Y/N suddenly is no longer interested in the story but there’s no stopping Lilly when she gets started, “She said that Harry had no idea what he was doing so she grabbed his hand and put it down her pants. He apparently didn’t have a clue what was what and she ended up leaving him in the room all hard and stuff.” Lilly takes a sip of her coffee as if the story was the usual business conversation.

Y/N licks the spoon and furrows her brows, “So, the people in this office are forming their opinion because of a party hook up gone bad?” Lilly shrugs and adds more sugar to her drink.

“I guess but I mean, his clumsiness and constant talk about chemical evaporation don’t help.” She leaves Y/N alone at the table and waves a quick bye so she can hurry back to her files, or talk someone else’s ear off.

For the rest of the work day, she can’t stop herself from thinking about Harry and his tattoos. Does he have more? Does he still not know what’s what down there? Who cares? She can teach him, she could show him so many – “Hey, Y/N.” She jumps from her thoughts and almost knocks her cup of pencils over, “Oh, sorry.” Harry’s face is his classic look of guilt and it makes her sad. He’s always so nice and no one ever really talks to him.

“Um, it’s fine. Is- is there something you need?” He leans against the door frame and flips through a notebook and lands on his desired page.

“I was told that you could help me look up these files. They don’t authorize us to access to the journals anymore.” She knows if he did, he would stay up all night, reading and soaking up all the knowledge he could.

She smiles and holds her hand out for the notebook, “Do you need them right away or do you want me to give them to you at other time? It could take a bit depending when they’re from.”

He straightens his posture and fiddles with his watch, “I don’t want to make you rush. I just need them by Next Wednesday.”

“I’ll have them on Monday.” They both smile and He thanks her awkwardly lingering before he leaves.

Later that evening Y/N joins a few friends for a much needed night out. Her hair is down and her legs are bare. She feels good and you know what, she’s lookin’ pretty good too. “You know that the bartender hasn’t stopped looking at you ever since we got here?”

She looks at her friend, Niall, and back at the bar, trying to spot him. “Well, I can’t see him. Maybe he’s looking at you and thought the tip you left him was you bein’ a flirt.” Niall rolls his eyes and takes a gulp of his beer.

“If I was into guys, I don’t think he’d be my type. I’m not a fan of tattoos, you know?” Y/N’s almost chokes on her drink and Niall laughs at her, “Too much at once, love?”

She takes another look at the bar but can only see the top of the bartender’s head, “Does the bartender have glasses?” He shakes his head as he eyes a girl who walks by. He turns back to Y/N and she waves him off, “Go ahead you animal.” She plays with her straw and keeps her eye on the bar, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. There’s no way it could be Harry, why on earth would it be? Millions of people have tattoos and Harry, in a place like this? No way.  She takes another sip of her drink but is greeted by that annoying slurping sound.

For some reason, she argues with herself to walk over to the bar. ‘This is so silly’, she thinks to herself. She moves through the crowd and finds herself and empty stool. She messes around her clutch for cash and gets ready to order another drink. The elusive bartender’s back is turned to her but she can see a few tattoos on the back of his arm, a skull, two hands shaking and some words but she can’t make out what they say.

She looks back over to the tables and tries to see if she can spot Niall, she’s sure he’s off at that girl’s apartment by now. When she turns back, she sees that the bartender is walking towards her but his head is down, fiddling with a hand towel. When he looks up, her heart flutters and she’s certain she might as well have been drooling. “Hi.” It really was Harry but he just doesn’t look like harry. He’s not wearing glasses, he’s not wearing a button up, his hair isn’t even fixed like it usually is. He’s wearing a white T-shirt, thin enough to see that he really is covered in tattoos and these tight as hell black jeans. When she doesn’t respond he coughs and asks, “Do you want another?”

Her cheeks flush and she looks back to his face. “Um, yeah. The same, please.” He grabs a new glass and eyes the crowd.

“Just the one drink, then?” Y/N tilts her head, confused as to why she needs a third drink when she hasn’t even finished making her second. “For the guy you’re with.”

“Oh, no. He’s just one of my friends I came out with tonight.” Harry tries to suppress a smile as he mixes her drink. “So, I have to ask. Why is Harry Styles, the cute clumsy chemist, working at a bar?”

Her question takes him by surprise, he’s not often complimented. He hands her the fruity drink and leans forward on the bar, looking all over her face but her eyes. “My sister and her husband own it and the tips don’t hurt.” She notices that he seems nervous and he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s blushing.

“Harry, do you ever ask out the people you see here?” He shakes his head no and begins to pick at the thread of the towel and she tries her hardest to make him more comfortable. “Can I ask you a question? You can say no, I won’t be offended but, um, do you wanna come home with me?”

His eyes finally find hers and he almost drops the towel. He looks down the bar and sees that the others have the rest of the customers handled. “I-I’m off at midnight.”

She smiles and is a lot more excited than she meant to be, “Is that a yes?” Harry nods and smiles at her. That smile is enough to kill her.

Once Harry is free, he calls them a cab and argues with Y/N that he’s paying for it. When they arrive at her house, he rubs his eyes and sniffles, “You have so many flowers.” She pulls out her key and also a handkerchief. She hands him the embroidered cloth and smiles. “You’re the only woman under 60 I’ve ever seen with a hanky.”

“I’m just always prepared. Pippy get down!” Y/N pats a little fluffy dogs head and Harry immediately picks her up, letting her lick his face.

“So, your names Pippy, eh? You’re cute and tiny. Like a little walking pillow, yes.” Y/N laughs at him and he’s brought back to reality. “Oh, sorry. I can’t have pets at my apartment.” He lets Pippy scamper off and stands awkwardly by the front door.

“Um, let’s just sit. There’s good stuff on HBO this month if you wanna watch something.” Harry follows her to the couch and she kicks off her shoes, making herself more comfortable. She smiles at him and scoots closer, grabbing his arm and resting a hand on it. “I didn’t know you had this many tattoos.”

He grins and shows his dimples, “I like people not knowing something about me.”

Y/N whispers to herself, “You’re so cute.”

“What?” He touches the bridge of his nose, undoubtedly a habit he has from wearing his glasses.

Crap. “Oh, I said you were cute but I didn’t mean for you to hear it.”

“I think you’re cute but I want you to hear it.”

Y/N sighs and nods her head, “Alright.” She swings her leg over his lap and puts her hands on his shoulders. “I have to kiss you or you might say something great and I’ll die or something.”

He doesn’t hesitate to respond, “Okay.” He surprises her with a very passionate kiss. His tongue slips between her lips and her body almost goes limp. His lips are so soft and she can taste a hint of alcohol. She has no idea how long they were kissing but she can feel him harden under her, which turns her on even more. Her hand grips the front of his shirt, pulling the neck down some and reveals a bird.

“Can I take off your shirt?” He whispers a yes and raises his arms. When the shirt is removed she’s welcomed with a butterfly just as beautiful as he is. Her fingers trace the wings and she kisses each one of the birds on his collar bones. “When did you get them done?”

“I started getting them right at 18. The birds were some of the firsts. This is the newest one,” He points to his right forearm and she examines it like a piece of art. “You like them?” He makes his first bold move and plays with the hem of her dress that’s bunched on over her thighs. He knows that if he were to bring a hand around her back, that her bottom would be fully exposed.

She smiles and cutely lifts his left arm, looking at the ones hidden under his bicep, she giggles when she notices more on his rib cage, running her finger along those as well. He shifts a little and bites his lip, “How on earth did you get these if you’re ticklish?”

His hands rests around her hips now, so comfortable in their conversation that neither of them even notice at first, “I don’t know. It’s a weird feeling, it hurts but kind of feels good.” She didn’t expect that kind of answer but is definitely pleased with it. “Do you want any?”

Y/N laughs and pokes at his dimple, “I already have one.”

“Oh, you do? Where?” He suddenly moves her arms up, and almost pulls her dress up out of excitement but he stops himself. He doesn’t want her to think he’s just interested in seeing her body.

“Just do whatever you feel like, ok?” Harry swallows and nods. His heart begins to beat fast and he slowly pulls the dress over her head. The way her hair falls back and the softness of her skin is almost enough for him to burst out of his shorts. Her bra is gray and her underwear is a pale pink. His hands gently graze her hips, then her waist. “Move your left hand up about two inches.” He obliges and looks at her when she says nothing else. “Congratulations, young man! Move your hand to find your prize!” He wishes that everyone was a little bit like her. She’s sweet and goofy, and certainly doesn’t judge people by what others say. Harry moves his hand and cranes his neck to see her tattoo.

He brushes his thumb on her inked skin, “A light bulb?” His touch gives her visible goosebumps and he hopes taking the dress off didn’t make her cold, he hopes that it’s all him. “Can I know why?”

She moves further up his lap and rests her hand on the back of his neck, making his cheek involuntarily lean against her arm. “When I was a little girl, my dad bought me one of those kits where you could turn on a light bulb with a potato. Seeing that light go off, made the little light in my head go off, I guess.” Harry watches her face and just like that he feels something bubble up inside him. “After that, I couldn’t stop taking things about and my parents go so mad at me. On my 15th birthday, they let me build my own computer. And that’s that, really, a little light bulb made me obsessed with computers.”

He polity waits until she’s finished to kiss her arm, “Please, kiss me.” Y/N grasps the sides of his face and she kisses him softly. His hands roam her back and linger over the fabric of her bra. He wasn’t exactly experienced but he knows that there’s supposed to be a clasp there.

Her hands get lost in hair while she moves away from his mouth and leaves kisses on his neck. He can’t seem to open his eyes and becomes painfully aware of how hard he is. “The clasp is in the front.”

Harry brings his hands to her front, grazing her breasts along the way to the clasp, He feels the warm skin spring free against his hands and everything becomes fuzzy. Harry has this beautiful girl on top of him and she wants him just as much as he wants her. She then sits up straight, giving him a full view of her topless self. She grabs his hands and places them where his eyes are glued. The moment he feels her hard nipples on his palms, his dick jumps underneath her. “M’sorry.” Her hands make a squeezing motion atop of his, letting him know that he’s free to explore.

“You don’t have to be sorry for how your body responds.” Her hands slide down to his wrists, his arms, then fall to his stomach to give her leverage to rock her hips. He lets out a small moan and she does it again. “The point of it all is to make each other feel good, don’t hold back.”

Harrys hand fall and come around her backside, pulling her harder against him and allowing her chest to fall in front of his face. He kisses her nipple and before sucking it into his mouth, he whispers, “I won’t.” His sucking is gentle but wet. The tight grip he has he her ass makes both of them wish they were naked. He’s never been so forward but her body, and just everything about her as more intriguing than anyone else’s. He wanted to please her, he wanted her to feel so good and he wasn’t nervous if he wasn’t very good. She would show him; she would show him how she wanted it. His mouth leaves her chest but her hands never leave his hair, “Where’s your room?” If it were possible, her heart would beat even faster. His arms hook her thighs and he gets up from the couch, carrying her down a hall. “Which is it?”

She answers him through kisses, “The last one on the right.” He arrives in her bedroom, smiling as he lays her on the bed. He settles on her side and his finger runs up and down between her breasts. “I have two questions.” His palm rests flat against her tummy, waiting for her question. “One, how come you don’t wear your glasses at the bar?”

Harry shrugs and taps his fingers against her skin, “it’s easier to make the drink when you don’t have glasses to clean. What’s the other?”

Y/N leans up on her elbows, looking much more serious than before, “Is that thing about Maya true?” She feels like an ass for asking the question but is taken by surprise when his body moves on top of hers.

“In a sense.” He moves a stray hair away from her eyes and kisses her cheek, “That night was the first time I ever drank, and the first time a girl ever gave me attention other than helping her study. I was buzzed and what Maya left out about the story was that she had gotten her period and I didn’t know what to say to her. So she left me there and told everyone I didn’t know what I was doing.” His hand travels down her belly and into her underwear to dip a finger into her wet folds. “Let’s find out if I do,” he nuzzles her ear and groans, “Please, how do you like it?”

Her mouth is suddenly very dry and she feels like she’s floating. Not once has a man asked her that and she’s not sure if she knows how to answer it. “Just move slowly. I like it up and down.” He watches her as his middle finger rubs her. Her lips are parted and her eyes are closed, her skin is flushed as well.

“Y/N, I think you’re beautiful.” His sweet whisper is just as good as the workings of his finger. “I think you’re one of the most beautiful creations that I’ve ever had the pleasure of studying.” Something about that makes her body tingle.

“God, Harry. I have a-another question.” He only nods and she takes a moment to continue. “How far have you gotten with a girl?” His kisses halt but his finger continues.

“I’m not a virgin if that’s what you’re asking.” She wouldn’t believe him if he said he was.

Now it’s her turn to avoid eye contact, “Then how longs it been?”

“More than I care to say.”

“Was it the one time?” He fails to answer and she turns her head to meet his, “I’m sorry if I’m embarrassing you. I just, I like you and I’m curious. Why isn’t happening to you all the time? You’re so smart. You’re sweet and so gorgeous that I could just fucking explode right now. I don’t understand how people don’t want to get in your bed every night.”

“I don’t mind it. It got me a close to you. It let me know you more, let me see that you’re even more beautiful than I thought.” He shows off his dimples again.

“Jesus Christ, people are idiots.” He removes his hand from her underwear and kisses her, very passionately at that. He ends up between her legs and enjoys the feeling of her thighs against his waist. The slightest bit of pressure on his cock causes him to wince and Y/N takes notice. “Do you need to take your pants off? I mean, they’re insanely tight, you can’t be comfortable.” He takes a deep breath and stands, wiggling out of his jeans. When he climbs back on the bed, he springs free and she literally throbs. “Are you for real?”

Harry looks around the room and back to her, “What?”

She whispers like she shouldn’t even say it out loud, “You have a big dick.”

He whispers back, “Thanks. I was born with it.” She narrows her eyes at him and he smiles at her. “Why are we whispering?” She only shrugs. He continues his whispering tone and moves close to her, “I want to touch you again.” His fingertips rest at the top of her underwear and he can see her skin pebble, “I want to see what you taste like.”

Y/N lets out something close to a whimper and sighs, “Oh my god.”

“Is that a ‘yes’ oh my god or a ‘no thanks’ oh my god?” his fingers still linger above the hem of the thin fabric and it’s enough to make her scream.

She exhales and can’t help but feel a bit faint, “Its oh my god, yes.” She can’t get it through her mind that Harry was this, this polite brilliant man who is somehow not good with ladies, but he is good with ladies because he’s making her feel like she’s all he wanted and he opened her up on Christmas morning. It doesn’t make sense.

Harry clears his throat and slides down to her stomach, pausing just below her belly button. He positions himself between her legs and stops once again, “Should I, uh, take these off or just move them to the side?”

“Whatever you want.” He hooks his fingers into the band and tugs them off. He finally gets a full few of her. She’s wet and he can tell that she’s swollen. He’s only attempted to do this one other time but it didn’t work out. She got cold feet cause her roommate would be home soon and ‘I don’t want you to know we do things.’ He figures that Y/N has had someone do this for her, why wouldn’t they, look at her.

He bumps his nose against her clit by accident but he doesn’t apologize because the way she just gripped the blanket lets him know it was good. He’s too nervous to use his actual tongue at first, so he begins kissing her. He places small kisses onto her slit, feeling the wetness underneath his lips. He ends up getting her so worked up with kisses alone that her hips rise a bit. “Can you put this leg on my shoulder? I can… Get to you more, I think.” Her thigh rests on his shoulder and his hand caresses it while he continues. He keeps kissing her but his time, he kisses her like they kissed on the couch. His tongue starts off soft and feels the little nub. His lips open wider and those gentle pecks become more aggressive, assertive.

He flattens his tongue on her clit and makes a movement that she can’t describe, “Fuck, do that again.” He does and wants to smile at her reaction. He then licks deeper and much harder than previously. She catches his head moving and sees his wet tongue working magic on her. She moans and even says his name. “Harry, Harry are you sure you’re not lying about being good with girls because Jesus fucking Christ if they knew you could do this.”

He doesn’t want to stop but he wants to see her face, he wants to feel how fast her heart is beating. He drags himself up to her face and kisses her before she can even say anything. He wonders if she likes the way she tastes in the same way he does but can’t be bothered to ask. “I don’t care if they know. I’m with you right now.” Y/N smiles and kisses him.

“I wanna do something for you.” He makes a ‘Hmmph’ sound while he kisses her more. “Do you want me to touch you?” He halts his mouth and actually looks into her eyes. “I could touch you, I could use my mouth, we could, we could have sex.” How does Harry make her this way and no one else? They’re blind.

He inhales and bites his lip. How do you answer a question like that? He looks at her with these big green sad eyes and closes them. “What if I- what if you don’t get to finish?”

Her hand soothes Harry’s doubt with a hand in his hair, “If it helps, you already got me close with your mouth, it won’t take much for me to come.” She kisses his forehead and continues, “I just want to make you feel good, Harry.” She tells him to reach over to her nightstand and get a condom.

He takes off his shorts and rolls it on himself. He lingers between her legs for a moment but feels comforted once again by her delicate hands in his hair. He slowly enters her and his mouth falls open. Her grip on his shoulder tightens and she loses her breath. “Are you alright, love?”

If her lower half wasn’t so overwhelmed at the moment she would’ve swooned at the sweet nickname. She nods and feels him go deeper. She’s already pulsing from the excitement and she groans loudly with her head back. “Get on your back, I wanna make you come.” With Harry on his back, she places his hands on her hips and her nails dig into his chest. She begins to rock on top of him, feeling him hit every spot. “You feel so good.” Y/N seems to be talking to herself rather than to him. She moves faster and he begins to pant beneath her.

He moans and pulls her chest flush against him, matching her thrusts. He’s taken her by delightful surprise and she feels her orgasm almost instantly. “Put your hands in my hair again.” Her hands fly to his wild hair and her breasts give him the perfect opportunity to suck on them.

He bites into her skin and it makes her squeeze around him, “I’m gonna come.” He flips her on her back and gives it all he has. With a hand on the headboard and the older on her hip, he goes as deep and hard as he can. He watches her unravel under him. “Harry.” Her voice is shaky and quiet but it’s music to his ears.

“Just give me a little more. God, please.” Her legs wrap around his waist and a little ‘uh’ escapes her mouth each time he brings his hips into her. She’s completely wrapped around him and he doesn’t think anything has ever felt so good. “Do that thing.” She squeaks to question him and he kisses her forehead, “Squeeze around me.” She clenches and his head falls to her neck. She can feel him pulse inside her and his hand is so tight on her hip that it’s sure to be red after. Harry makes a grunting sound and a part of him doesn’t want to move. “That’s surely to kill me next time.” He hears her giggle and faces her, “What?”

“You wanna have a next time?” He matches her smirk and lays his head on her chest. Her fingers twirl the short hair on his head and Harry can’t stop smiling to himself.

He sweetly kisses the warm skin below her collar bones and says, “I wanna have a lot of next times with you.“

Part Two

The alarm clock goes off and Y/N nudges Harry with her foot, making him groan. “Hit snooze!” He throws the pillow over his head and pokes her back.

“I already hit snooze, we have to go to work.” He rolls over and swings his arm and leg over her. “Nooo. Don’t dead monkey me.” She hated this but loved it at the same time. He would put his dead weight on her and she would have to kiss him back to life until he made monkey sounds. “H, I mean it. We don’t have time. I’ll kiss you all you want when we get home.”

Harry removes his limbs from her and pinches her hip, “Oh, give me something to look forward to, love.” She heads to the kitchen and he walks to the shower. They’ve fallen into their own routine, her showering at night and him in the morning. Y/N puts the coffee on and puts cream cheese on a bagel for Harry.

“Y/N!” He shouts from the bathroom and she knows he’s forgotten his towel. He always gets a bad case of the (forgetful) Mondays. Sure enough, she finds Harry peeking behind the shower curtain. “I’m gonna put a post it on your forehead every morning to tell you to get a towel.”

He kisses her cheek and steps out, slipping a little but not falling. “Thanks.” They both brush their teeth at the sink and Harry gets a little too cute as she begins to put her make up on. Still towel-clad, he rests his chin on her shoulder and his arms swing around her. “I hate Mondays, means I can’t stay in bed with you all morning until Saturday.”

If she could pull off that towel and take him back to bed she would, god, she would. “Put some clothes on before I quit my job.” He whips the towel off and swats her butt with it.

The morning goes as it usually does, a kiss in the car and sneaky glances until lunch. In the breakroom, Harry can’t find his sandwich, he just has two fruit cups and one of the cookies Y/N made over the weekend. He sits down at the table and states, “I forgot my sandwich.” Lilly snorts, because to her, Harry can’t even seem to get his own lunch under control. Y/N laughs and pulls the missing lunch out of her little lunch tote, “Oh, thanks, Baby.” Lilly gasps and both of their heads snap up. Shit.

“Lilly, you cannot tell anyone! We haven’t gone to HR yet and we don’t want people here to know.” She just stares back and forth between the two until she starts talking again. “I mean it. Harry’s got a lot of projects going on don’t ruin it for him.” Harrys heart flutters that she was more concerned about him than herself.

After a long day of signing papers and awkward conversations, they make their way back to the car. “Tomorrow’s gonna be a real doozy, huh?” Y/N nods and dramatically flings her head back to the car seat.

“You owe me kisses.” He wiggles his eyebrows and adjusts his glasses. She landed one cute dork. She can tell he’s eager to get home and decides to mess with  him. Her hand caresses his thigh, moving upward. “Y/N, we’re five minutes from home. I really don’t wanna die from a hand job when I’m five minutes away from bending you over the couch.” Her mouth hangs open and her hand pulls back. He was never so straight forward but she could feel herself get all flushed. She swallows hard and shuffles in her seat.

Harry pulls into the driveway and lets Y/N walk ahead of him. He’s been frustrated all day and wonders if she has been too. He wonders if she thought about his face between her legs last night and had to squeeze her thighs together. He waits for her to let Pippy in the backyard and as she walks through the kitchen he pushes her forward on the counter, lifting her skirt up as he pulls her underwear down. He wastes no time in teasing her folds, “I’ve been thinking about you all day. I’ve wanted to bend you over and feel how wet you are.” He moves her hair away from the back of her neck and gives her small pecks, “Do you want to stay here or on the couch?”

She kicks off her undies and turns to face him, “The couch.” He sits on the couch first and pulls her on top of him, helping her undress. “S’not fair. I always get naked first, take it off, Styles.”

Harry smirks at Y/N and takes his shirt off, “Can’t take my pants off, there’s a naked girl in my lap.” She swings her leg back over, biting her lip as he exposes himself. He returns to the couch and taps her leg. “M’I getting more than kisses?” In the blink of an eye she’s lowering herself onto his hips. “You think of me today? You think about fucking me while you were workin?”

Over the past few months, Harry has gotten much more comfortable with talking dirty during sex. And he was good at it. “Mhmm, yeah.” He palms the flesh of her backside and squeezes every so often. “Always make me feel so good.”

Y/N speeds up and her hands grab those stupidly attractive shoulders, “I love when you ride me, feels so good to have your pussy around me.” Her eyes close and she tries to keep her rhythm steady. “I could barely concentrate today. I kept thinking about your legs around my head and then I thought about your legs around my waist.” He wraps both arms around her and flips her on her back. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about how wet you get for me.” He kisses her and thrusts so hard that she gasps into his mouth.

“Oh!” He moves even faster and he feels her legs shake around him. Her arms are around his neck and he sucks on her ear.

“I can feel it. I know you’re almost there.” He nibbles and she whimpers for him. “The feeling of my hair against your clit drives you wild, doesn’t it? You can get so sensitive, fuckin’ remarkable.” He returns to kiss her lips and she accidentally bites his lip.

He pulls away with his eyes closed and she can’t even tell him she’s sorry because he pounding into her. “I-shit. Harder, I’m gonna come. Please, harder.”

Harry pushes his knee into the cushion and balances himself so he has hold of her hips, “Like that?” Her hands are pulling all the cushions and she practically yelling for him. “So pretty when you scream my name, you know?” He feels that familiar squeeze that he loves but does let up his pace. “So pretty you make me wanna come.”

He falls forward and she sucks on his neck, “I wanna feel it.” This time, his hips slow but don’t stop. She couldn’t mean what he thinks she means; she had gone on the pill but He always pulled out. No, no she didn’t mean that. “Baby, come in me.” Fuck.

The thought makes his dick jump and he almost loses his words, “Are you sure? If you’re not you need to tell me like, right now.” She nods her hair and his forehead rests on hers as he releases. “Jesus. I think you broke me.”

Y/N’s tired laugh makes his body feel warm all over again. “I know how to fix you but give me like 15 minutes.”

“Oh yeah? Let’s go get cleaned up and fix me.” His dimples pop and carries her to the shower. He stops short and notices Pippy on the bed, chewing something. “Pippy that better not be my tie.” Y/N hops out of his arms and disappears into the bathroom. Harry walks over to the mischievous dog and fights with whatever she’s chewing on but ends up ripping it. He holds what was once a part of Y/N’s underwear in his hand and looks at the fluff ball, “This stays between up, Pip.”

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

The Inherent Risks of Loving a Wild Man

Bill Guarnere x Reader

Summary: Word about Bill Guarnere and the NCOs going to Sink reaches you, but by the time you hear it’s been so muddled with misinformation that you think he’s dead. After hearing another person saying that he’s alive, you are let with the awful task of waiting....

Warnings: no-no words (it’s hbo/war, kids. people gonna curse), allusions to sexy times, some vv lite sexy times™, angst (kinda)

~

William Guarnere was a dead man- that much you knew for sure.

The only thing you weren't sure of? 

If he was going to die by Sink’s hand or yours.

Sink, you thought ruefully to yourself, throat feeling tight again as you had an intrusive mental image of Bill crumpling to the ground after the crack of a gun. Sink has no other choice, his hands are tied.

For probably the fiftieth time that evening, you walked over to the window in the in-law unit attached to the side of the house you’d been assigned to in England. You knew better than to expect any of the NCOs to go out of their way to tell you, not with the strict curfew Sobel has imposed on them after the idiot himself led Easy astray during a training exercise.

The grandfather of the family you were staying with had told you about it in passing after coming across Dick and some others after his morning bike ride. You’d tried not to openly criticize Sobel, but when the old man mentioned a flustered soldier yelling “high-oh silver!” as he arrived late (and from the wrong direction), you hadn’t been able to hide your scowl.

“He’s going to get us killed.” Bill had grumbled to you a few days ago, after telling you about yet another catastrophic day of training. “I swear to god, Y/n, that cow-eyed bastard couldn’t find his own dick in a well-lit room—”

“I get the picture, Bill. Please don’t ever make me think about Sobel’s dick ever again.”

He’d chuckled at that, pinning your arms above your head and looking down at you with a smug grin.

“I’m awful sorry about that, Miss Y/L/N. Let me make it up to you?”

He’d kissed the air from your lungs then, and any thoughts of Sobel or death were put on the back burner….

It just seemed horribly ironic now- Sobel really was going to be the thing that gets him killed, it just hadn’t happened as straightforwardly as youd anticipated.

Headlights suddenly blind you, and your blood runs cold as you recognize it as one of the airborne’s Jeeps.

It must be Nixon, he’d tell me. Whether i want to actually hear it or not.

Your throat feels tight as the truck pulls to a stop by the front garden, and you don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until the figure that exits the car forgoes the direct footpath through the family’s garden, instead walking straight towards your window.

There’s only one person who does that, did that….

Throwing your window open, you stand on the desk beneath it and crawl out gracelessly, your limbs feeling disconnected from your body as you try to squash the painful hope trying to bubble in your chest.

The man stalks up to you, the light coming from your room illuminating the handsome, sharp, and perfectly alive face of Bill fucking Guarnere.

“Cara mia.”

He’s raised his hands to hold your face in his typical greeting kiss, that stupid grin bright on his face- as if he hadn’t been dead in your mind up until a few milliseconds ago. 

So, it was to be you to kill him. Okay then.

You clapped him across the face, palm stinging as you watched his head snap to the side. In the low light, you could see a pink handprint on his cheek and feel a little bad for hitting him so hard.

Then you remember why you’d hit him in the first place, and you get over it.

“What in the actual fuck were you thinking, pulling that shit?” 

Your voice is as sharp as your slap, slightly wavering as tears began to cloud your eyes.

“How could you even think about doing something so stupid, and not even bother to let me know…..and you don’t even say ‘goodbye’?” 

He said nothing, his face still turned away and his jaw working as you tried your very best not to yell and wake everyone in the main house up.

You then surprise the both of you by bursting into tears, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing so hard you forget to breathe.

His arms are quick to wrap around you, pulling you impossibly close and nosing affectionately by your ear.

“Hey, don’t cry….oh darlin’, please don’t cry,” the rumble of his voice only makes you cry harder, the sound so comforting and warm and essential, and for four horrible hours you’d tried to wrap your head around the fact that the man you loved was dead and you’d never get to hear that perfect voice again.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I didn’t mean to make you cry—”

You pull away, glaring at him tearfully. “No? What part of you either leaving the airborne- and not telling me, or getting executed for mutiny- without bothering to say anything…..What part of either of those things breaking my fucking heart are you not getting, you stupid fucking idiot?”

You shake your head, only stopping when he unwraps his arms from around you and takes your face in his hands (as he’d intended to before you smacked him).

“Did you even think about what that would do to your mother? Or your father, for that matter—?”

“I’m sorry.” he interrupts you, and when you frown at him he sighs anxiously. “Fuck, baby….”

Seeing that you weren’t going to easily forgive him, Bill wipes at your tears with his thumbs and looks at you sadly.

After standing in tense silence for a few moments, Bill pulls you into another embrace- hands hot through the material of your thermal pajama top.

“I love you.” he mumbles.

A mournful scoff escapes your throat, and he squeezes you tighter.

“Hey, listen to me...” he turns his head so he can look you in the face. Your eyes showed your doubt, and you watched as he seemed to understand just how deeply he’d hurt you.

It was uncommon for either of you to voice your affection for the other and not get an immediate echoing response, the both of you having abandoned any sort of stoicism for the other during your time in one of the Carolinas.

His dark eyes are swirling with deep regret, and you don’t think you’ve ever actually seen him remorseful before. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time, seeing one of the cockiest men you knew looking at you as if you held the key to his happiness. His heart.

“I. Love. You.”

You close your eyes as he repeats the sentiment, unable to bear his intense look without wanting to start crying all over again.

“I didn’t think….well,” he cuts himself off, and when you peek at him you see that he’s nodding to himself. “Nah, that’s it. I just didn’t think. I just did because—”

“I’m not mad that you refused to follow an absolute moron into war...” you interrupt, watching as his brows furrow in confusion. You bring a hand up to wipe at the sticky tears drying on your cheeks. “Bill….losing you will kill me.”

He’s shaking his head now, whispering your name harshly. “Don’t say that—”

“I have to say it because it’s the truth. And if you love me a fraction as much as i love you, you probably already know that.”

With a tired sigh you bring your hands up to rub at his chilled ears, the cold air making your breath fog between you as you speak.

“But, I also know the reality of what’s about to happen- and I’ve made my peace with it as much as I can—” “Cara mia—”

“—because i know that i’ll at least get to see you once before we drop, before all the shit hits the fan, and I’ll get to tell you I love you..... and that if by some miracle we do both make it I’m going to marry you and then we’ll never have to do anything like this again.

“But you almost took that from me.” You swallow your sadness and rest your forehead against his. “Jesus, William….”

He kisses you sweetly, and you know he can also taste the salt of your tears as he does so. Bill’s hands are running up and down your back, following paths and trails he’d first mapped with his fingers the morning after the two of you had slept together the first time.

“Say it back,” he whispers between kisses. “I need to hear you say it back—”

“I love you.”

His hands suddenly stop, and he pulls back to look you over with a furrowed brow.

“Oh shit, darlin’, you’re barely wearing anything!” With commanding hands he turns you around and starts to march you back to your window. You had forgotten that you were just in your pajamas, feet still bare on the chilled ground.

When you climbed in he followed with silent movements, barely getting the window latched before he shirks off his outer few layers and is embracing you again, torso warm and inviting when you held him again.

“I’m gonna be pissed if you get sick, you know that right?”

He’s teasing you again, but his voice still is soft from emotion.

You smile and press a kiss to his cheek. “Yeah, Bill. I know….”

He turns his head before your next kiss lands on his cheek, resuming the sweet kiss from outside.

When you nibble at his bottom lip he groans softly, one hand knotting in your hair while the other one slid down to your backside and kneaded the supple flesh of your bottom with a hungry grip.

“You want some more, baby?” Bill’s voice has taken on a rough quality that never failed to make your heart beat faster and your stomach to curl sweetly. “Want me to show you how sorry I am?”

You shut him up with a kiss, knowing from experience that once Bill got talking like this there was only so much you could take before becoming a flustered and needy mess.

Bill takes the hint, only breaking away from you to quickly pull your shirt over your head before ducking right back in. the material of his button up is rough against your bare nipples, the peaks harder than stone ever since you’d first stepped out into the chilly night air.

His hands drew goosebumps across your back as he brushed his fingers up and down your spine, worshipping you in such a way that made all your teenage years of self-consciousness seem preposterous in hindsight.

“Fucking goddess,” he’d proclaimed once between hot open mouth kisses across your collarbones after you’d both come down from your third orgasm of the night. “If I had my way, you’d never have to cover a single goddamned inch of your body from me. Could fucking taste you whenever i wanted…”

When your hand cups him through his pants he hisses, laughing headily into your mouth.

“I’m still mad at you.” you say, pulling back so you can watch his face scrunch up attractively as you massage his stiffness.

He nods, eyes closed  as his jaw goes slack. You can’t help but feel somewhat smug at being able to elicit such a reaction from such a fiery man.

“Thought I was ‘sposed ta be taking care of you, darlin’....”

You hum, walking him backwards so the back of his knees hit your mattress. 

“Maybe I want you to suffer a little bit,” you offer as you press on his shoulder to make him sit down before you. He looks up at you, eyes heavy and breathing rough.

There’s now a clear handprint on his cheek from where you slapped him, and some flicker of sadness must show in your eyes because one of the hands that had begun tugging your pajama bottoms down your legs comes up to take the hand you’d hit him with and he kisses at your fingers sweetly.

“I’m okay with some sufferin’, ‘s long as you’re the one dealin’ it.”

You fist his hair and duck down to kiss him urgently, letting him help you step from the clothes around your ankles so you can straddle his lap. 

“C’mon, baby….I can take it.”

You respond by craning his head back and placing biting kisses down his throat.

Because as wild as Bill Guarnere was, you were still the one who’d tamed him.

And he wouldn’t just do that for anyone.

You were going to be sure he remembered that.

Even if it took all night.

(Hey kids, wrote this while trying to get through writers block a little bittle ago, and there is a part 2, so holler at ya girl if yall’er (: interested ok thank your bye)

(ALSO! I saw someone else describe Sobel as ‘cow-eyed’ in a different fic. I’m trying to find it so I can give the author credit (bc it’s a perfect description!), but if any of you guys know which one i’m talking about just dm me and i’ll link it!)

(ALSO PART TWO: let me know if you’re interested in being tagged on any future garbage I write!)

[amphtaminedreams]

The Women of Euphoria and Personal Style: Lookbook no.8

Hi to anyone reading,

I hope you’re well considering everything going on! It feels weird to want to talk about fashion or TV shows or red carpets or whatever when 90% of my Google searches are COVID-19 related but there you go. It’s all about trying to power through as normal (minus the social interaction) and pretend the world isn’t ending, right? Queue nervous laughter.

And as if things aren't shitty enough, production of season 2 of Euphoria has been postponed until further notice. 

Okay, in the grand scheme of things, having to wait a bit longer for a TV show isn’t catastrophic but it does just about sum up the transition from 2019 to 2020 thus far that after HBO redeemed itself by broadcasting Euphoria in the summer following an ending to Game of Thrones that has made the whole series unrewatchable, the glimmer of hope in me reignited by the prospect of series 2 this year has been quickly dashed. 2021, I’m rooting for you, because it doesn’t seem like things are getting better any time soon, and in all seriousness, I think everyone needs a break from the collective suffering of the last few months.

For me (and undoubtedly for many others if the hundreds of makeup looks and styling videos are anything to go by), Euphoria’s effect on the world of fashion and beauty is unprecedented. I really can’t recall a TV show in living memory that has had as much of an impact on the way young people dress. I mean, this might partially be because the style of the characters already kind of caters to and draws from the target audience but also, aside from Blair Waldorf did anybody really give THAT much of a fuck about what anybody in Gossip Girl wore?

The draw of the styling on Euphoria is that it has something for everyone. The style of each of the main girls, Rue, Kat, Maddy, Jules and Cassie, all of whom I’ve attempted (emphasis on attempted!) to base (emphasis on base!) outfits around, is varied and distinctive but still so current and realistic at the same time. It’s also consistent; even if you don’t own the specific pieces worn by any of them, similar shapes and details reoccur enough in different looks throughout the series that it’s not hard to create an outfit which matches your favourite character’s overall vibe without buying anything new. That’s kinda what I have attempted to do here and without further ado, I’m gonna get on with it! First up:

Jules (Played by Hunter Schafer)

When it comes to whose style is the most experimental, Jules is the obvious answer. A lot of her outfits are what I imagine a cartoonist in the near-distant future will envision their cool girl protagonist wearing. Whilst her ensembles are generally whimsical and girly for the most part, there’s usually a few slightly punk-ish finishing touches thrown in there too be it through chunky shoes or bold makeup or that incredible mesh trench coat she wears in the series finale with the trans symbol on the back which, honestly, deserves a moment of silence. 

There are definitely nods to current fashion trends sprinkled throughout her wardrobe too. I'm not going to lie, despite someone at work seemingly thinking it was an insult to tell me I look like someone who does (I still don’t know but this person has a Rick and Morty keyring so I don’t give it too much weight), I’ve never watched any anime. BUT, that being said, given the abundance of anime screenshots posted by all these aesthetic oriented Instagram and Tumblr moodboard accounts, I have a vague idea of what some of the more iconic characters look like and a lot of Jules’ looks seem to be very much modelled after or at least inspired by them. In a way, I see a lot of her looks as a blend between modern “e-girl”, Y2K skater chick (yes, I’m thinking early Avril Lavigne), and 2013 Tumblr “hipster” a la 2014 Joanna Kutcha and Charlie Barker, and though on paper that sounds like a nightmare combination, it works. I know-if that sentence were a Depop description I would’ve just gained 30 followers.

When it comes to my own interpretation of Jules’ style, it’s definitely something I like to channel when I’m putting together a proper OUTFIT outfit. Meaning an outfit I actually put effort into and thus will most likely want to get a good photo in, lol. The way her character dresses is almost quite Christopher Kane in that it’s fresh and unusual but still understated enough that I wouldn’t walk into a room wearing any of these feeling like I’m doing a Rick Owens runway.

I’m not TOO far out of my comfort zone but still at the same time, I’d be trying something new and maybe a little bit more zany than I'm used to. As for noting where any of these pieces are from, only a few have been bought in the last 6 months, but from left to right clockwise I have marked out those that have in case they’re still available (though be wary of the fact that it seems a lot of online clothes stores are still forcing warehouse employees to work in close confines at the moment and so perhaps aren’t operating the most ethically):

LOOK 1

Corset-Jaded London

Shoes-TK Maxx

LOOK 2

Dress-Motel Rocks

Boots-Koi Vegan Footwear

LOOK 3

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 4

Dress-Jaded London

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 5

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 6

Mesh Top-Depop

Hair Clips-Urban Outfitters

Kat (Played by Barbie Ferreira) 

Eurgh, Kat. 

I LOVE THIS BITCH.

If I had to choose my favourite character in the show, it would be a very close toss-up between her and Rue, and though I think Rue might just about nab the top spot for her relatability factor, Kat is the girl I want to be or wish that I had been when I was at school. I mean, there’s definitely an argument to be made in that a lot of what she’s doing with her cam work could be seen as a means of validation (Sam Levinson has basically said everyone on the show has some kind of an unhealthy coping mechanism and I would guess due to the circumstances in which her cam girl career was borne and the fact she’s underage, this would be hers) but I do think in other ways we really see Kat reclaim her power and recognise herself for the smart, capable, gorgeous woman that she is. Honestly, the definition of divine feminine energy, and I would completely let Barbie Ferreira/basically Kat if she was also actually 23 dominate me.

Plus! Her! Style! Is! The! Bomb! Definitely the easiest character to base looks around because if I’m totally honest Kat’s energy is pretty much just what I want to emulate in every day life. 

It’s either pieces that are typically feminine, cutesy, and even slightly preppy at times drenched in everything grunge OR vice versa where you have something semi-gothic and then add a colourful, more playful touch in there that harks back to the beginning of the series before Kat had began to explore her identity and sexuality and dressed slightly more Forever 21.

I’d say, not yet with my whole chest, that on a good day the outfits I put together when making an effort aren’t too far off something Kat would wear, minus the more overtly BDSM touches; if wearing a ring choker in London is enough to get me a creepy comment from a gross middle aged shopkeeper (because I apparently forfeited my right not to be perved on when I decided to buy a bottle of Oasis summer fruits), then you can only imagine the kind of looks wearing a full-on harness would get in my conservative OAP dominated hometown. Not the most doable right now, especially considering the only time I get out is to work and to go for a run. The chafing I could deal with but the horrified glares of pensioners whose M&S prawn mayo sandwiches I’ve ruined by simply being in their eyesight not so much.

LOOK 1-

Corset-Urban Outfitters

LOOK 2-

Bodysuit-Depop

Skirt-Zara

Harness-Ebay

LOOK 3-

Co-ord-Depop

Lace-up Corset-Missguided

LOOK 4-

Dress-Vintage

LOOK 5-

Belt-Ebay

LOOK 6-

Coat-Topshop

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 7-

Fishnet Top-Ebay

Skirt-Urban Outfitters

Maddy (Played by Alexa Demie)

Not gonna lie, I was kind of scared to do Maddy. I’m scared to be posting this, lol! Alexa Demie has played this character for a single season and she’s already one of the most iconic women to grace our screens in years. This is a huge undertaking and I don’t have the bank balance or the body confidence (lmao) to raid IAmGia. 

And this is where I want to stress: THESE ARE NOT OUTFIT RECREATIONS. THESE ARE INSPIRED BY. I HAVE ADDED ELEMENTS OF MY OWN STYLE INTO THEM. PLEASE DON’T DRAG ME. I KNOW, I’M NOT ALEXA DEMIE. I WOULD NEVER ASSUME TO BE ALEXA DEMIE. I’M NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN LIKE THAT. So now we’ve got that out the way (wipes bead of sweat off forehead), let’s continue. 

Everything about Maddy Perez is extra. She has very much been established as a centre of attention character, and her outfits are a key part of that. They’re daring, they’re hyper-feminine, and they are always glamorous. We’re told that she competed in beauty pageants when she was younger and it’s clear that level of excess and coordination and glitz and all-round-boujeeness wormed its way into her DNA during that time. Even the “depression” outfit she wears to school following Nate becoming violent at the fair is costume-like, a 2019 Bratz doll Off-White street style collaboration.

Do you know how HARD I had to try to be HOT!? For these photos. Alexa Demie is one of those blessed women who doesn’t have to try at all, and that translates into the character completely. At any given moment, Maddy could add or remove one item or clothing and be let straight into the VIP section of a club, and that, honestly, is inspiring to us all in these dark times. 

One thing I tried to keep in mind is that she always looks polished and coordinated, I.E the kind of look I would prepare for a night out is something Maddy would wear on an average day. Co-ords and delicate prints seem to be more subtle wardrobe staples along with mesh and PVC and glitter and feathers and fur and basically anything that toes the line between expensive looking and tacky. Yes, I am aware we may toe different sides of that line but please let me stay delusional and believe that’s not the case for 5 minutes. Much appreciated xoxo

LOOK 1-

Bodysuit-Jaded London

LOOK 2-

Bralette-Depop

LOOK 3-

Co-ord Suit-Boohoo

Bodysuit-Boohoo

LOOK 4-

Dress-Motel Rocks

Shoes-Schuh

LOOK 5-

Bodysuit-Zaful

Trousers-Depop

Coat-Topshop

LOOK 6-

Dress-Zaful

Belt-Zaful

LOOK 7-

Top-Jaded London

Hair Clips-H&M

Rue (Played by Zendaya Coleman)

I have a complicated relationship with Rue as a character. When I started season 1 of Euphoria, I was like “Oh my god, this girl is the worst. Jesus, she’s so negative and draining and willingly self-destructive and-”

Then, oh my god is this what it’s like to live with me!?

I will say, to my own credit, that I don’t think I've ever been quite as hard to deal with as Rue (a lot less smashing stuff up and a lot more moping), and to HER credit, by the end of the season we come to realise she’s been through a fucking lot and so it makes sense, but wow. I don’t think I have ever seen a teen show handle drug abuse and mental illness in such a brutal way. It’s quite a talent to be able to show a character cause so much pain to those closest to them and yet do so through a sympathetic lens. And issues aside, whether it’s her occasional social awkwardness or her relationship with her family or watching bloody Love Island (still quite surreal to see Zendaya Coleman witnessing the Amy/Curtis drama unfold), Rue is just my favourite character to follow. 

Her style, though. AH. The thing is, I can hardly drag it, because it’s pretty much what I wear when I’m moping about the house-or just any time I can get away with it to be honest-to a T. I want to stay true to character, but that being said, creating a “Seth Rogen”-esque outfit that’s worth posting on here is difficult. So, with the same kind of artistic license that had me wearing berets whilst cosplaying Maddy Perez, here is the best I could do:

I know, I know, it’s probably too much colour and jewellery for Rue but this is as toned down as I could do and I tried to stick with the key silhouettes we see from her throughout the season; I mean, I can’t see her wearing leopard print but the structure of the coat in outfit 1 is very similar to the one seen in Shook Ones pt.II. I think the bottom line when it comes to her character is keeping things effortless and not overly-feminine; you want to mix street style, athleisure and your dad’s wardrobe favourites like your life depends on it. Plus messy hair and smudged makeup, both of which I’ve already got down according to the completely inappropriate number of customers who’ve asked if I'm tired at work so thanks for that guys, and glitter tears. Lots and lots of glitter tears.

OUTFIT 1-

Dungarees-Vintage

OUTFIT 2-

Trousers-Depop

Cardigan-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 5-

Beanie-Depop

OUTFIT 6-

Shirt-Boohoo Man

Sports Bra-TK Maxx

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Shirt-Jaded London

Cassie (Played by Sydney Sweeney)

Style-wise, Cassie is a hard one. When putting outfits for her character together, I found myself gravitating towards a direction that’s probably a bit too bohemian for her character, under the guidance of loose terms like “girl-next-door”, “floaty”, “delicate”, you get the idea. She definitely feels the least fully-realised in terms of all the main girls and I think it’s fair to say she’s probably got a bit of self-discovery to do. Most of her storylines in the season are dictated by her relationships to other people: McKay, Maddy, Lexie, her parents and so on. 

Nevertheless, I tried to stick to the airier, more traditionally “pretty” pieces whilst still channelling the confidence and ease with which Cassie pulls them off. Sydney Sweeney has the most incredible figure and I feel like whilst the clothes the on-set stylists put her in flatter that and don’t hide anything, they’re still the focus. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything more inherently sexual about her character than any of the other main female characters despite the way the men within the narrative view her, and I think it’s a testament to the the wardrobe department that to me she still gives off big modern Disney princess energy and a certain innocence even whilst we hear her being continuously sexualised by her male peers. 

If anything, Cassie probably dresses the most like an actual teenage girl, and her style, whilst less distinctive than the other girls, still does a good job of capturing the youth and romanticism of her character. 

The colour palette of her wardrobe tends to be quite neutral, with a couple of pastels thrown in there, and if there are any details, they’re usually quite dainty. Similarly, Cassie is probably the least experimental when it comes to her makeup; we don’t really see her wearing the bold eyeshadows or liners or gems like the other girls at any point.

OUTFIT 1-

Bodysuit-Motel Rocks

Hair Clips-Bershka

OUTFIT 2-

Dress-Jaded London

OUTFIT 3-

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 4-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Hairband-H&M

`OUTFIT 5-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Jeans-Zaful

Headband-Primark

OUTFIT 6-

Top-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Dress-Urban Outfitters

Hair Clips-Boohoo

SO, I guess that’s it for my Euphoria lookbook! As always, let me know what you think (nicely pls, my ego is fragile lol) and I’d love to hear your opinions on the show too! I really haven’t got this excited over a new TV show in ages and I just think that it does everything so excellently-from the writing to the cinematography to the soundtrack, you can tell each element is so carefully and purposefully constructed. It immerses you into the dramatic highs and lows of being a teenager in a way I haven’t seen since UK Skins and I never thought I’d watch a show which held a candle to that. 

In terms of what I’m doing next, I’ve got a very delayed fashion week masterpost in the works as well as something to fill the Met Gala shaped hole in our lives, which I hope to get up over the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you read to the end, THANK YOU! And I hope you’re staying safe and AT HOME where possible. I know this self-isolation feels never-ending and if I’m honest, it is having a hugely negative effect on my mental health, but NHS staff are doing their very best with the shitty recourses they have and whilst it seems that our government have thrown workers under the bus once again, we can all do our bit to combat that by slowing the spread of the virus. Also thank you to anybody who’s out working now in such a scary and uncertain time! I work at a grocery store and can say from experience that the best way to show this thanks is just through kindness and following employee’s instructions without giving them grief for it. Everyone’s scared right now and the best we can do is pull together and look out for each other, as difficult as that might seem at times.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, and like I said, stay safe! Thanks once again if you read til the end or even if you’re just here for the photos. Appreciate it more than you know either way!

Lauren x

[daredevilexchange]

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What’s your fannish ID? My main tumblr blog is @when-are-we-gonna-play-squash (it's a Betrayal reference, that's how I got into Daredevil), my writing side blog is @anya-or-thomas-writes (just both my names because hey I'm genderfluid and I have more than one name!) and my art blog is @squashdraws.

What types of fanworks do you create? Just art and fics. What I like about doing both is if I just have an idea for how something looks, I draw it, but if I have an idea for how to get to a certain point, I write it. Sometimes I draw scenes from my fics and write fics based on my art because I know how I want something to look and how to talk about it (beyond an image description, of course). I've thought about cosplaying since I've always loved that (probably Foggy since I already look... pretty similar) but that's going to be complicated for a number of reasons.

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you're not creating? Art and fics, but also gifs, mostly because there's a lot of work that goes into it. I could never make a gif myself so I have so much respect for gif makers. You're doing the lord's work.

What do you like in particular about this fandom?  The fandom itself is like a small town where everyone kind of knows who everyone is, it's not that hard to get noticed, and as someone who lives in what I'd describe as a small town that's growing bigger, I'd normally not be okay with a small town-type setting, but here it works.  The shows itself really means a lot to me, particularly Daredevil and Jessica Jones. I'm not going to get into the latter, but the thing that stood out to me about Daredevil, and Matt's character, was the lessons Matt learned and shared on disability. A few months before I got into Daredevil, I'd spent the better part of 2019 waiting on an autism diagnosis and eventually it came in the early fall. Obviously I was autistic my whole life, but not having this until I was almost 20 caused me so many problems throughout my life. The very first episode of daredevil had a line that I definitely needed to hear: "define yourself by what you have; make no apologies for what you lack," which Matt said he learned in trauma recovery after losing his sight. It was a great takeaway for me, and considering half the things I can't do stem from my own "heightened senses" like fabrics being too rough or not being able to eat a lot of foods, making no apologies for not being able to do them was exactly what I needed to start doing.

Do you like participating in fan events? I love doing them, but I have a horrible memory and I'm shy. The reason I only participated in the most recent fratt week (DDE: @frattweek 3 tag here!) was because I literally forgot to do anything for the first two.

What about your creating process? I usually need the energy to create, but listening to music while drawing or writing certainly helps. Before COVID, I would hang out at the mall and draw or write there, but obviously things are different now, so I have to do everything at home. I realize it's seriously put a dent in my ability to get stuff done, but I try not to let it get to me.

Do you interact a lot with other fans? I have a small circle of people I interact with, but at the same time that comes with an asterisk or something. Like "I talk to these people who all know each other*" because I don't know if I'm your friend or not unless you explicitly state it. What are we? Seriously, please tell me.

Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? My icon for my main blog, I guess, since I draw everything. And it's Foggy! https://squashdraws.tumblr.com/post/631553608373174272

Do you have other fandoms you'd like to talk about?  I recently watched this HBO limited series called The Third Day, which had a huge theme of grief, kind of like The Punisher. Two of the main characters lost their son and ever since it's caused a lot of issues in their marriage. The way they deal with it is a bit different from how Frank deals with the loss of his family, where Frank's grief is characterized by his anger towards the people who made this happen, whereas Helen blames Sam, and Sam seems to blame both the person responsible and himself for losing their child, and as the story progresses, he finds he has even more of a reason to be angry at the former.

Where can your fanworks be found? Art can be found at https://squashdraws.tumblr.com/ where I also have a few small contributions to fratt week (tagged #frattweek) and fics can be found at https://anya-or-thomas-writes.tumblr.com/

Thank you,  @when-are-we-gonna-play-squash !

banner by @context-is-for-kingpins !

[ID on a white background, four black triangles that look like spotlights from above. Each illuminates one of the Defenders silhouetted in white: Jessica, Luke, Danny, Matt. A hand on the left is holding a pen writing the words Content Creator Spotlight. There is a little Punisher skull on the pen. End ID]

[gregorygerwitz]

22 + DoctorQuake for the wordless ways to say ILY prompts please!

22. listening to them while they vent

“Do you know what my father did today?”

Daisy looked over when the door closed behind him, sucking a bit of peanut butter off of her thumb while she arched a brow. She’d had the day off of training, and chose to hide away from everything in the apartment, where they had a fully stocked kitchen and premium streaming options. It was far nicer than the regular rooms she was expected to use, and it meant she got to see him without worrying about the cameras all around headquarters. “No, but I bet you’re gonna tell me.”

He shot her a look, frowning while he made his way over to the couch to sit down next to her. There was a tension in his shoulders, but not as much as there was whenever he got into an argument, and there weren’t any bruises that she could see, and he wasn’t wincing, or limping, just... annoyed. “He cancelled my credit card.”

She blinked, putting the spoon back into the jar of peanut butter before frowning at him. “This is the most rich asshole energy you’ve ever given off. I’m living for it. Tell me more.”

Leopold shook his head, shifting his weight to lean into her side while he sighed. “I bought that new tie last week, right? Which, combined with our Netflix and Hulu and HBO subscriptions, had finally sent it over its limit. So, instead of making the payment this month and ignoring it, like he usually does, he decided to actually look at the bill, and now... well, I have to pay him back for the last year of streaming services, which I can do in a month, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“You are so spoiled.” Shaking her head with a smile, Daisy leaned over to kiss his cheek softly. “It would be way more adorable if you weren’t, like, almost thirty, but it’s still kind of endearing. Do you want some peanut butter?”

He paused for a moment, glancing down at the jar in her hands before nodding. “Yeah, okay. Why are you eating peanut butter, anyway? I thought you said it was too sticky and didn’t taste good enough to make that worth it?”

With a small shrug, she fed him a small spoonful before licking the remnants from the spoon herself. “I don’t know, just thought it sounded good. And it is, by the way. We should definitely keep getting this brand. Go ahead and keep talking shit, if you want. What else has he done, lately? I feel like I haven’t gotten an update on Alistair the Awful in a while.”

Rolling his eyes, Leopold relaxed next to her, licking some peanut butter from his lips before speaking again. “Well, there isn’t much to update you on. He cancelled this week’s meeting so he could finish up some business in Spain, disregarded ret another one of my ideas, and reminded me that I’ll never actually accomplish anything without his help, so... there, you’re caught up.” He smiled softly, kissing the side of her head when she spoke up again.

“God, I hate him.”

“Yeah, I know.”

[ wordless ways to say ‘i love you’ prompts ]

[qrovidcore]

hey what’s up tumblr i’ve now seen hbo’s watchmen all the way through Three Fucking Times and i very well may go for a fourth if given an excuse whoops and apparently i can’t stop thinking about Laurie’s joke in She Was Killed By Space Junk, no i’m not the first person to analyze this and i’m sure i won’t be the last but i sure do have some Thoughts^TM,  so here’s some meta let’s go.

major spoilers ahead for the entire series:

Hey, it’s me again. I’ve got a joke. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There’s this guy, he’s a bricklayer. He’s really good at it. He’s a real master of his craft. Because he’s precise. Every brick has its place. Anyway this guy has a daughter and he’s gonna teach her to be a bricklayer because after all, all a man has is his legacy. So dad decides to build a barbecue in the backyard. He does the math. He figures out exactly what he needs and he shows the daughter how to do everything. Step by step. And when he finishes, it’s a beauty. It’s a perfect barbecue. Just the way he drew it in blueprints. Only one problem. There’s a brick left over. One single brick. The guy freaks out. He must have done something wrong. He’s gonna have to start all over again. So he picks up his sledgehammer to knock the thing to pieces and his daughter suddenly says ‘daddy wait! I have an idea.’ She picks up the orphan brick and throws it up into the air as high as she can. And then…shit. Messed it up.

Okay forget that joke. Can I tell you another one?

As I said, I’m not the first to break down that Laurie is referring to specific people who have an influence on the story, there’s plenty of meta posts online that’ll say the same thing. I just think this is a Really Clever way to introduce us to her, to the major players in this story, and to the events from the comic that are going to end up being referenced. Anyhow, the bricklayer here is The Comedian. Laurie’s father. I’ll get back to this and how it connects later, but given that one of Watchmen’s major themes is the concept of legacy - who carries it and how, and what happens when that legacy is painful - this is a neat little hook into that idea. Laurie’s dad’s legacy. What she’s done with it, what she’s going to do with it, how she feels about it. Again, coming back to that.

Okay. Forget the brick. New joke. Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there and he’s going to decide what their eternal fate shall be: heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. God says to him “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” Owl guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offended. He says “Zero. I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry owl guy, your heart’s in the right place but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

I'm not super into the comic so it took me a while to get that she's referencing Nite Owl. I think this is strange since he doesn't appear in the show himself, whereas everyone else she talks about does, but I suppose it gives a more rounded-out view of the different approaches to heroism, and what exactly constitutes it, and also ties in another one of the original Minutemen. They did cut this over her arrest of Mr. Shadow in the bank, which makes me wonder about his role and why he appeared, and I still find it strange that this part of the joke wasn't about someone who had more of a presence in the show. (Though that being said, DC making fun of Batman, their own big-ticket character? 10/10 thank you for this).

Where was I? The pearly gates await our next hero in line for Almighty judgment. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out because that’s his God-given talent: smarts. Some might even say he’s the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do with that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact, I saved humanity, ”says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that,” asks God.” “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York and everybody was so afraid of it they stopped being afraid of each other.” “OK,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty Pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs. “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.”  “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers and our hero goes to hell.

GOD YES PLEASE DRAG OZYMANDIAS. GET THIS FUCKER’S ASS. Though the line that’s sticking out to me here is “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs.” Watchmen’s got an egg motif - and that’s an entire post on its own - and wow this is a place to drop it. I find it interesting that it’s given to Adrien here. Especially since it comes back later, when Will tells Angela that that’s what Jon said in justification of giving his life to stop the 7th K/Cyclops and Trieu. Eggs are used for a lot of things, but this line ties the motif solidly to a value of life here - how Adrien is the way he is because he refuses to value other peoples’, and maybe how Jon is the way he is because, when you can see the future laid out before you and live knowing how you’re going to die, how do you learn to value your own?

Okay. We’re down to the nitty gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles ready to administer the final reckoning. Now Hero Number 3 is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart, he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out. He can teleport, he can see into the future, he blows shit up. He’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God what have you done with these gifts?” Blue God says “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, and then I fell in love with another woman. I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sighs. “Do I even need to ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue guy shrugs. “A live body and a dead body have the same number of particles so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that?” asks God. Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says “Because I’m already there.” And so, a mere piston in the inevitable of time and space God does what he did and will do. He snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

And now, we’ve got Jon. Dr. Manhattan. It's a neat moment of insight into his actions, motives, and how those are perceived by others (namely Laurie), and it's a nice thread of introduction to his previous actions to drop for audiences who haven't read the comics (actually, I can make this point about Adrien’s part of the joke too). Especially because most of what we get of Jon in-show is his relationship with Angela, his entire character arc really revolves around her and we don't see him portrayed as the contentious, unfeeling figure the world sees him as. So this sort of contrast between him as a figure and him as a person is very telling, doubly so coming from someone who it's clear knew him. And I really appreciate that there’s just as much stiffness as there is warmth to the Jon we the audience see - he’s kind, he’s loving, but he’s also very matter-of-fact and deterministic, and that bit of characterization really spans the gap between these two versions of him.

And so it’s been a long day at the pearly gates. All the heroes have gone to hell. His work done, God’s packing up to go home and then he notices someone waiting. But it’s not a hero, it’s just a woman. “Where did you come from?” asks God. “Oh I was just standing behind those other guys the whole time, you just didn’t see me.” “Did I give you a talent,” God asks. “No, none to speak of,” says the woman.  God gives her a good long look. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed. Seriously, this almost never happens but I don’t know who you are.” And the woman looks at God and she quietly says “I’m the little girl who threw the brick in the air.” And a sound from above, something falling: the brick. God looks up but it’s too late. He never saw it coming. It hits him so hard, his brains shoot out his nose. Game over. He’s dead. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. 

Into some Thoughts^TM that I haven’t seen anyone theorize yet(?): I think God is meant to be Lady Trieu, and even if Laurie wouldn’t know this yet that’s some brilliant fucking foreshadowing. It's not as exact, but enough parallels are there that I think they're purposeful. It makes Trieu out as the ultimate judge of everyone - and in a way, she is. She sees herself as the most deserving of power of everyone, and it's her who kills Dr. Manhattan - sends him to hell, you could say, and he knows she's going to do it. It also hints at how she's going to die too, crushed by her machine falling from the sky like the brick, because she didn't expect anyone would be capable of stopping her. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. Trieu isn't ultimately above the others, and she's subject to their justice as they are to hers. 

Fitting too that Laurie is involved with the plan to stop Trieu, since, as I said I’d come back to, the girl who threw the brick is Laurie herself. Her depiction of herself in this way is representative, perhaps, of Laure's own feelings on vigilantism and what justice is, and that she's the force that's going to bring down these overblown personalities and their many incorrect uses of their abilities. Given this, it's interesting to think how the "failed" joke at the beginning connects, given that Laurie's dad is the bricklayer, and he's definitely... not a good person, or at least not in this continuity. But I wonder if it's indicative of what Laurie mentions about her parents training her up to do vigilante stuff (especially since she’s based in part(?) on a member of the Minutemen from the comic), and how she feels about her father and his work. If the brick is symbolic of his work as a vigilante, is Laurie throwing the brick in the air, and ultimately taking down the threat at the top, meant to indicate how she sees herself using what she learned from him, or - maybe and - a disrespect for his work based on her justified hatred of him?

Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Good joke. 

[eddiemxnsons]

PROMPT LIST

PROMPTS TO BE REQUESTED FOR USE IN HBO WAR IMAGINES OR HEADCANONS !

ANGST/MISC.

1. “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

2. “Nobody’s seen you in days.”

3. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”

4. “Don’t you trust me?”

5. “What if, after everything I’ve gone through, something’s gone wrong inside me...something bad” “You’re not a bad person”

6. “How strange is it after all that, we are strangers again” 

7.  “I just came to say goodbye”

8.  “You’re being emotional, it’s understandable, but unnecessary”

9. “I’m here because I care for you” 

10. “And that makes it okay?”

11. “Are you afraid to die?”

12. “What would you do if I didn’t come back?”

13. “I don’t want to talk about it”

14. “Is that blood?” “.....No?”

15.  “If i asked you to stay, would you?”

16. “People don’t seem to want us, do they?” 

17. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

18. “Don't take another step in my direction. I can't be trusted around you.”

19.  “I'm not naïve. I have seen women around you. Don't think I don't see how they fall for your charms.” 

20. “I almost feel bad for you.”

21. “I saw you staring. Like he's just your understudy”

22. “I'm not your problem anymore”

23. “I hate seeing you like this.”

24. “You don’t get to say anything to me!” 

25.  “Excuse me?” 

26. “You aren’t going anywhere.” 

27. “You aren’t the boss of me.” 

28. “All I wanted was a happy ending.”

29. “Your hands are just as dirty.”

30.  “What did you just say to me?”

31.  “Never trust a man whose smile steals the breath right from your lungs.”

32. “How am I supposed to go on?”

33. “Can’t you see how fucked up this is?

34.  “Move out of my way before I make you.”

35.  “I can beat you with one hand behind my back.”

36. “Do you understand what you’ve done?”

37. “Is this how you thought your life would be?”

38. “Did you expect this to turn out better?”

39. “Are you satisfied with yourself now?!” 

40. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”

41. “Should you be drinking that much?”

42. “Why are you awake right now?”

43. “You’re not a bad guy.”

44.  “Maybe it’s a blessing he didn’t love me.”

45.  “She made me feel safe, even when I hated her.”

46. “You’re upset and looking for someone to blame.”

47. “That’s not on me, it’s on you.”

48. “I never had anyone until him.”

49. “We signed a deal with the devil.”

50. “I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

51. “Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.” 

52. “I love you, but you’re not mine.” 

53. “We grew apart, and at this point I’m glad.”

54. “Find somebody else to kiss your ass.”

55. “Hurting you is the last thing I’d do, you know that.”

56. “There was this sadness in his eyes.” 

57. “You said you’d always be there for me, but you’re not.” 

58. “ “I don’t want you to leave my side.”

59. “How did things go so wrong?”

60. “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

FLUFF 

1. “You said to be honest, stop hitting me!” 

2.  “I’m not entirely an idiot, you know”

3.  “All right, miss high and mighty”

4. “You’ve always got me.”

5. “You’ve always felt like home.”

6. “I’m right where I belong.”

7.  “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”

8. “Shall we stick together?” 

9. “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

10. “If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

11. “You're family.”

12. “I care about you.”

13. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” 

14. “Please don't have somebody waiting on you”

15. “I hope you know what you're doing.”

16. "What are you smiling about?"

17.  “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

18. “I’d punch you, but that’d ruin that pretty little face of yours.”

19. “Sorry, was that supposed to impress me?”

20. “You’re insane,” “You love me,” “Not right now I don’t.”

21.  “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

22. ““I just want to see you happy.”

23. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in ages.”

24. “Home stopped being a place when you entered my life.”  

25. “I’m proud of you.” 

26. “Aren’t we supposed to be working?”

27. “You can’t look handsome and dangerous at the same time.”

28. “You broke my nose!”

29.”You really can’t take a hit, can you?”

30. “Well, at least we have each other.” 

31. “You come here often?” “Well, this is my company. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”

32. “I’ve grown to like you more in your absence.” 

33.  “I just asked if you were cold. I didn’t ask for your whole life story.”

34. “The flirting was to distract him.”

35. “But, then on meeting you, I felt I should be with you always.”

36.  “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

37.  “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

38. “Do I look like a killer to you?” “Yes, you kill my patience.” 

39. “You promised not to tell” “Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, and here we are, so welcome to the real world”  

40. “If you’re gonna act like an ass, I’m going to treat you like an ass.” 

41. “Life is too short to spend it on people who annoy you.”

42. “If I wanted kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.” 

43. “Thanks, but I’ve gotta go to sleep because I have a big day of....misery ahead of me.” 

44. “You’re so wrong, it makes me want to cry a little.” 

45. “Every time something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”

46. “Well, this would be fun if I wasn’t miserable.” 

47. “I will make you sorry you were ever born” “For your information, I’m already sorry I was ever born.” 

48. “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t set you on fire.” 

49. “I would prefer an assassin’s bullet to this living hell.” 

50. “Underneath this cool exterior is a sad human being.” 

51. “It was just the two of us, and it was wonderful.”

52. “I’m not entirely an idiot.”

53. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

54. “You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”

55.  “I could punch you right now.”

56.  “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

57. “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his fourth and fifth ribs.”

58.  “What do you mean she’s my new partner? She tried to kill me last week!” “Sounds like a you problem.”

59.   “Oh honey, I’d never be jealous of you.”

60. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” 

SONG PROMPTS !

1. ENCHANTED - Taylor Swift 

2. YOU’RE SOMEBODY ELSE - Flora Cash 

3. MORAL OF THE STORY - Ashe 

4. FRIENDS - Chase Atlantic 

5. EXILE - Taylor Swift 

6. CROWD - Silver Sphere 

7. SWINGING ON A STAR - Bing Crosby 

8. YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE - Mills Brothers 

9. LOOK AFTER YOU - The Fray 

10. DEEP END - Birdy 

11. ARCADE - Duncan Laurence 

12. FALLING APART - Michael Schulte

13. SUN - Sleeping At Last 

14. DYNASTY - Miia 

15. IRIS - The Goo Goo Dolls 

16. LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME - Selena Gomez 

17. LITTLE TALKS - Of Monsters and Men 

18. ALWAYS - Isak Danielson 

19. HAPPIEST YEAR - Jaymes Young 

20. YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL - Lana Del Rey 

21. SOMEONE TO YOU - Banners 

22. I LIKE ME BETTER - Lauv 

23. COLLIDE - Rachel Platten 

24. FRIEND - Gracie Abrams 

25. HAPPY ENDING - Mika 

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 5 RECAP

i’m super sad to say that this might be the last session recap! i want to try to finish the game tonight bc i feel like i’m so close to the ending. idk what i’m gonna do with my life afterwards haha

i plan on writing a big post about my experience playing this game as a whole, and other thoughts i had other than me just writing down gibberish as i play lmao. i just love this game to fucking bits.

as per usual, spoilers for both games and the hbo series below!!

i genuinely am scared to finish this game bc it’s been the only thing that’s kept me going this week before the semester 😳

hours played: 3-4ish?

ALRIGHTY FOLKS! SHOWTIME!

alright so we’re at the section called highway exit

starting off in the stairwell directly after joel asked ellie if she really wanted to go through with this

“well i ain’t leavin without ya. let’s go wrap this up.” ALREADY STARTING OFF WITH A BANG HUH?

i love them.

this poor dude died on the shitter

elvis?? HAHA SORRY

“i’m sorry joel.” “that’s okay ellie.” 😭😭 AHH

i genuinely could not imagine losing your daughter like that, then having to move on so fast for your own survival. fucking insane.

and the piano in the back? so beautiful

SHE TOOK THE PICTURE OF SARAH AND JOEL😭😭

“well, no matter how hard you try, i guess you can’t escape from your past. thank you” AFTER HE TOOK A DEEP BREATH😭😭😭

oh my god that is very much a bloater

THERE ARE SO MANY?? WHY??

that had me C L E N C H I N G

“that’s something you can do when we’re done.” “what?” “teach me how to swim” “you got it.” go away i’m emotionally unstable

oh god it’s the hospital

every time they tell each other to be careful, specifically ellie telling joel to be careful and he ALWAYS reassures her. like just now i’m ferrying her across on the palette and she said “be careful” and joel responded “i gotcha” UGH my heart strings dude. they’re being tugged

joel pulling a nathan drake w the ladder breaking lmao

i’m amazed i figured out how to get across that fast

oh damn these are some rapids

i have an inkling something is going to give way and joel or ellie is going to be swept away by the current

“you’re gonna catch me?” “i got you” 😭😭

“see? you didn’t even need me” I’M GONNA CRY HE’S SUCH A DAAAAD

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY DUDE

OH MY GOD ELLIE NOO

HER JUST FLOATING STOP IT

OH MY GOD

HE’S AT GUNPOINT BUT STILL GIVING CPR OH MY GOD😭

“c’mon ellie” DESPERATELY GIVING CPR

NOOOOO FUCK THAT GUY FUCK YOU ASSHOLE YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT

MARLENE!

“and ellie?” SUCH. A. DAD.

“it was her. she fought like hell to get here.” crying in da club

“maybe it was meant to be” yes that they bonded and became father and daughter. was absolutely meant to be i agree.

”take me to her.” “you don’t have to worry about her anymore. we’ll take ca-“ “i worry. just let me see her please.”😭😭😭😭

they’re so hopeful for a vaccine no matter what and he’s just so worried about ellie🥺

“find someone else” JOEL ANGY

aye! lay off my man here bro

yoooo i didn’t know marlene knew her that long!

“then why are you letting this happen?” the desperation and anger in his voice :(

“if he tries anything, shoot him.” marlene all due respect but i feel as though joel is the one that will be doing the shooting

THE WAY JOEL LOOKED BACK AT HIM AFTER HE WAS SHOVED 🫢

this dude is so fucked

BRO DO NOT F U C K WITH JOEL OH MY GOD

“i don’t have time for this” GODDAMN

this shit is so intense my hands are SWEATING and i only just cleared the first area of fireflies

the west wing? but i was taught by beauty and the beast to never go there! lmao

that guy coming out of the door scared the shit outta me

OOF this surgeon’s recording about ellie’s immunity and that it’s huge for the better of mankind

wait that would be abby’s dad then right??

damn. marlene’s recording. fucking crazy. i couldn’t imagine being joel though and getting confirmation that they HAVE to kill ellie to make a vaccine.

so in game, it’s april 28th. gotcha. noted

marlene talking about how they radioed in that they spotted an old man and a young girl 💀 joel’s not that old guys c’mon

“yea that’s it. i’m comin’ ellie.”😭😭😭

marlene’s voice recordings :(

she won’t kill joel bc he understands how difficult the choice is

and he’s kept her safe from boston to fucking utah. across the damn country

OH MY GOD THE SURGEON TEAM’S SHADOWS IN THE FUCKING WINDOW

jesus fuck bro

“sweet jesus.”

GUYS LOOK IT’S ABBY’S DAD

one choice and the second game would go SO differently dude.

god seeing ellie on the table hurts my soul

i’m hesitating shooting them dude holy fuck

i shot 2 of them i feel horrible i left the woman i feel horrible oh my god oh my god oh my god

i feel so fucking bad right now i feel so GUILTY

“come on babygirl” 😭😭😭

THE WAY THIS IS SO FULL CIRCLE

I KNOW JOEL IS HAVING FLASHBACKS RN I FEEL HORRIBLE

RUNNING FROM PEOPLE IN GEAR SHOOTING AT HIM WHILE CARRYING HIS DAUGHTER😭😭😭😭😭😭

this music dude. i’m gonna fucking cry.

joel keeps saying that he’s gonna get her out🥺

the way it just fucking cuts to the pov of him driving. insane.

“turn out there’s a bunch more like you ellie. people that’re immune. dozens actually.”

the way he stuttered after the shot of him shooting marlene AH

i kind of hate the way that he’s lying to her, but i understand. we see how it affects them once she learns the truth about what happened.

“i’m takin’ us home” 🥺🥺

“i’m sorry.” HE’S APOLOGIZING FOR SO MUCH THAT SHE ISN’T AWARE OF RIGHT NOW AND THAT UUUGH

i am indeed crying

“you’ll just come after her.” BRO. JOEL.

i fuckin- need a MINUTE bro

another outfit change slay sorry i felt like that was a big switch up from what just happened haha

oooooh i’m playing as ellie? this is weird

“sarah and i used to take hikes like this. i think the two of you would’ve been good friends.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ELLIE AGREEING🥹😭😭

jackson!

the fucking music is making me emotional

“i struggled for a long time. surviving.” AND THEN RUBBING HIS WATCH I’M FUCKIN- I CANNOT DO THIS

THEM OPENING UP TO EACH OTHER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“swear to me. swear to me that everything you said about the fireflies is true.” UH OH.

“i swear.” i-

THE SHOT! THE FAMOUS ELLIE SHOT! AH!

“okay.”

CREDITS?

i- wh-

i’m just kinda sitting here frozen bc i don’t know what to do now

my life is so different now

there was a version of me before playing this game and now i’m here and do not know what to do

it’s bittersweet. i feel like a tightness in my chest bc i’m sad but a happiness as well bc this game was amazing.

chills. goosebumps all over my body.

i cannot believe this is over.

great i’m C R Y I N G now lmao

THE LAST OF US THEME PLAYING NOW YYYEEEAAAAAAAA

HER KNIFE IN THE WINDOW STOP. OH MY GOD.

i have so many things to say, so i’ll do a seperate post on that like i mentioned earlier.

all in all, jesus fucking christ.

[toyboy-molloy]

reddie but eddie has a crush on bill hader

It had started innocently enough. They’d been curled up on the sofa together, sharing takeout whilst Saturday Night Live played on their TV in the background. In Richie’s opinion, it was the pinnacle of comedy and he’d been trying to get into it for years. Eddie, being the supportive and loving husband he was, put up with it. He may not like comedy but he actually found Richie very fucking funny. As well as a certain cast member on the show he hadn’t really been paying attention to caught his eye. Richie may have been lying in his lap, having his hair played with, but he still noticed the way Eddie seemed to laugh at one actor more than the others. He thought nothing of it at first, allowing Eddie to indulge his little Stefon obsession.

Then Richie began noticing a pattern. The same actor seemed to pop up in every single film they seemed to watch. Superbad, Paul, The To-Do List, Adventureland even fucking Star Wars, Richie had to put up with his husband’s doe-eyed adoration and adorable little giggles directed at the TV screen. Richie wasn’t jealous. Not at all. If Eddie wanted to drool over some actor, that was up to him. In fact, Richie was all the more determined to join the cast of SNL, so he could meet his rival face to face. The papers would have a field day if he got into a fist fight with Bill Hader.

And then HBO’s Barry was released.

It fast became Eddie’s favourite show and he was practically fucking feral after watching it, hauling Richie to the bedroom without so much as a ‘did you like the episode, dear?’ What did he care, right? He was the one reaping all the benefits of Eddie’s little obsession. But he did care and he finally found the balls to talk to Eddie about it. What he had meant to say was, ‘honey, I love and respect you dearly but your horniness for Bill Hader is making me feel insecure. Let’s talk about this like a grown up married couple should.’ Only, what came out was:

“Eds, are you going to leave me for a straight guy?”

Naturally, Eddie looked at him as if he was going mad. Why Richie had chosen to bring this up before they were about to go to sleep, he didn’t know. Maybe he was going mad.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve got a crush on that guy...” he gestured vaguely at the tiny TV in their bedroom, fiddling with the duvet nervously, “are you gonna leave me?”

“You really think I’d be stupid enough to fall for a comedian the second time?” Eddie said with a smirk, snuggling up to Richie and resting his head on his chest, “no, I’m not going to leave you.”

“Yeah, you say that...”

“Richie, he’s just some actor I really like that’s all,” Eddie ran his hands over Richie’s t-shirt playfully, “I like funny guys, okay? That’s why I married you.”

Richie scoffed, folding his arms childishly, “please. He’s nothing like me.”

“You’re funnier,” Eddie agreed, wrapping his arms tightly around his dumb husband, the love of his life. Richie seemed to relax slightly at those words so Eddie continued, punctuating each description with a kiss to his cheek, “you’re cuter, you’re sweeter, your eyes are nicer, you’re everything to me. It’s just a dumb fixation. I’m sure there’s plenty of guys out there you fancy.”

"You, and only you, my little spaghetti dinner,” Richie said, only a little bit pleased with himself. Eddie rolled his eyes, leaning over to switch off the lamp and wriggle under the covers.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, Richie,” Eddie yawned, smiling softly as he felt Richie slide up against him, pulling him close to his body, “why would I go out for a hamburger when I’ve got steak at home?”

“Some people prefer hamburgers,” Richie pondered but he knew Eddie had a point. He loved him and that was that. There was never going to be anyone else for either of them. Richie kissed his husband goodnight, pausing to add, “can I at least join SNL to punch him once? Assert my manliness?”

“No.”

[soultek]

Say What You Drink - Jack Hoskins x Reader (The Outsider)

* More Mutual pining than “X”? Maybe? 

Author’s Note: If I did one good 180 for this show, it was to get feels for this man. He’s in my Top 4 characters now, what can I say...!? It took me 3 attempts to actually write a solid piece for him though...

Disclaimer: The Outsider HBO / The Outsider in general characters/plot is not mine. / There is one book reference in here that never made it into the show.

Premise: When Jack Hoskins turns up at your front door, you know it can only mean one thing. Trouble.

Words: 1363

Warnings: Mentions of drinking 

I'm your temporary valentine When the poison's got you seeing blind And it sucks that you'd apologize For saying what you felt last night I pray this night will never end 'Cause you'll turn back to you again And I'm left here wondering If anything you said was real You only compliment me When you're drinking You say what you think think think When you drink drink drink That's the only time And it's such a pity... 'Cause you only say what's on your mind When your head is clouded from the wine When you spin my wheels you waste my time Here we go again... ---

You knew the moment you heard that RAM truck pull up outside it could only mean trouble. It was a sound you’d grown used to, then had to grow unused to, and the only reason it would wind up at your doorstep at this time of night would have been drinking. Not because he actually wanted to see you. You sighed gently, not that he should be drinking and driving – but this was Jack, so it would have been useless starting with something like that. You decided you’d rather not wait for the knock on your front door, because as long as he wasn’t standing on your front doorstep you could probably still turn him around. You took a long, slow, deep breath, here we go again… and opened it. He wasn’t even out of the truck yet, and you leant against the doorframe with your arms folded waiting on the inevitable. You’d never even been able to put your fingers on quite what you were; but everyone had their (unwelcome) opinions – you’d pretty much lost count of the number of lectures you’d received from a certain Mr.Anderson… Though he was probably right on all counts. Jack left his truck, locked it and began trudging up to your door. Oh, no you don’t. You hopped down the steps; “What are you doing here-!?” “Y/N, not now…” He groaned; his words weren’t slurred but you were still 99% sure it was drinking that had sent him back here. “Why are you HERE!!!” You demanded, though stopped dead a few paces from him, “OH my GOD! Jack what happened-!?!” His face was a mess of cuts and bruises, and you were praying the answer wasn’t ‘bar fight’. His eyes shifted from yours, seemingly finding your driveway much more interesting; “It’s nothing…” You rolled your eyes, stepping forward and tilting his head back up so he had no choice but to look at you. Some of those cuts were deep. You’d seen him look bad before – he had a habit of getting himself into situations like this, it was kinda par for the course – but this was like a level up from that. “That’s a whole lot of nothing…” “I’m just helping Ralph with something… that’s all…” He practically mumbled it. “RALPH-!?!” You raised an eyebrow; “You wait until I get my hands on Mr.No Opinion-!” That one hadn’t exactly put Detective Anderson in good stead with you either, but it was what it was. “No, it’s not like he…” Jack removed your hands from his face but still held them, “Can we stop talking about this?” Well, this was unbelievably like Jack Hoskins so you shouldn’t have been surprised; “You want me to let this go-!?”

There was silence for a couple of minutes as you continued to stare at each other. “You know… you’re so beautiful.” That automatically made you slip your hands from his with a laugh; “Okay… You need to go home!” “No, but you are-!” “Jack-! Please, get back in your truck and go home!” “I can’t-!” “Why not!?” “I just… I can’t.” He bit his lip “Please?” “You can’t stay here-! Are you insane!?” For one thing you were sure there were already those nosey neighbours of yours that had spied him here, so there was bound to be gossip that he’d turned up – let alone anything else. You didn’t need that getting back to Ralph, less his car turn up here too. “But I-!” “Just how much have you drunk-!?” Then you shook your head, “Don’t answer that, I’d rather not know.” This was always how it started, and this time you weren’t about to give in. You were the only one of the two of you that really paid for it.  Then your eyes flicked back to his truck, on the other hand… If he went out in that truck and something happened you know you’d also feel awful. Rock and a freakin’ hard place with you ALWAYS! You sighed; “Okay. Fine. But I want you gone first thing, and you’re sleeping on the couch don’t come anywhere near me!” “Uh…” Jack again was trying to look anywhere but your face “Okay…” You started to lead him back to your house, knowing you were as likely being taken for a ride, but here you were again. What was it Ralph was always saying; too nice for your own good? Why was that man always annoyingly right. But he took your hand again; “Y/N-!” Pulling you back to him, you gave him a look that made him instantly drop it; “…I, I just really appreciate it.” “Sure. You’re welcome.” Although you weren’t sure you really meant it. “And I mean it, you look… you’re looking really good.” You shook your head with an amused smile and turned back into your walk. Your flirting still needs work-! You left him with spare blankets and pillows, noting the way he watched you busy yourself – moving from room to room to collect everything. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with that, but you knew what he was really staring at. “You need to stop!” “What, you can’t take a compliment?” “Alright, smartass, but you know I shouldn’t be taking them from you.” “Sorry for just telling the truth…” But you knew that gentle smile that crossed his face and you couldn’t help but concede your own. “Alright, seriously, go to sleep – that’s drink talking.” By the time you’d got yourself ready for bed he was already snoring softly, and you took a few seconds pause to watch him. You couldn’t help but be a little concerned – although you weren’t sure exactly what had happened to Jack, it couldn’t have been good. You found yourself padding back over to him; he’d been through plenty in his life already, and that was just what he had told you – suffered enough, and yet perhaps likely to always suffer. You shook your head sympathetically, those cuts would take some time to heal, and he’d need the rest – to sleep off the drinking more than anything. You were compelled to reach out and run your hand through his hair, soothing him – then you realised the whole thing was a bad idea but for now, you’d let him rest. “Goodnight, Jack.” You knew it wouldn’t remain that way for long, and eventually you were woken up by his body joining yours in bed. You sighed, clearly annoyed; “I told you to stay on the couch.” All you were met with was a sound that was reminiscent of a sulk. “JACK-!” You knew it was no good and he would blatantly ignore you, and then you kicked yourself even more. “Any funny business and I swear to God you’re gonna wish you never turned up here-!” The best response you got was a hmpf of agreement (you’d call it agreement – so you could say he’d agreed when you did have to kick him). But then he wound his arms around you, forehead to the back of your neck – and you found yourself smiling like an idiot. Again – you could kick yourself for it, but almost didn’t want to. It’d been a while since you’d been held like this, and Jack made you miss it, that much you had to admit. You wound your arms around his, and cuddled into him a little; “Okay…” you breathed, “You can stay…” You woke alone. Which was typical, and you’d certainly grown used to. But you had asked him to be gone – so you couldn’t begrudge Jack that. Still though, you couldn’t help but worry. Something was going on… Maybe you’d call Ralph Anderson later - he might know, if Jack was working on something for him then it was likely he would know. Padding through to the main living room, your blankets had been neatly stacked, and he’d left you a thank you note. That was improvement enough and you’d take it; you reopened your front door just to confirm that his truck had gone – greeted with an empty space in your driveway. You held the note close to you for a minute, and smiled; Stay safe out there, Jack

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