#but replay number... i don't know lol

[fonulyn]

yeah feel free to laugh at me anytime :'D

[sysig]

We are both exhausted

[notmuchtofind]

public eye pt2 | d.s

tw: low appetite, possible miscarriage, cheating

pt 1 here

a/n: it’s finally out lol!! tysm for the interaction on the past fic🥹 i hope you enjoy! lmk your thoughts x

"drew if it's not what you want and it's what I eventually want, are we even right for each other? What are we doing? You don't care for me like you usto, you're not the same. you're a dick" you say trying not to shout

"I don't know what I want right now?" Drew states, not looking you in the eyes.

How's he being so calm? Why is he doing this? This is not like drew.

"fuck you." You stand up out of the chair and walk right out of the cafe doors, tears start streaming down your face and you try to hide your face with the palm of your hand...

*snap* followed by a flicker

*snap* *snap*

fuck.

you look around...

"Is that paparazzi?" you mumble to yourself 

you walk faster to your car, quickly opening the door and throwing your bag on the backseat, you fumble to turn the engine on and see slight flickers through the rearview mirror...this is the last thing you need right now.

_________________________

After setting your keys aside on the kitchen table and kicking your shoes off, you immediately undressed out of the clothes you had picked out to see Drew in and chucked on your dressing. spending the rest of that day on the couch. Tears would brim in your eyes, often spilling over through the course of the day as you'd replay what had been said by drew in your mind. And there was no text from him. no apology, no checking up on you, no nothing...maybe this was really over? It seemed to all happen so quickly. How could you go from, what people knew as the 'IT' couple, to being, well...nothing.

Passed out on the couch, you are awoken by the pinging of notifications coming from your phone. In a dazed state your initial thought is that Drews trying to get hold of you. Your hand fumbles around the couch as you follow the sound trying to relocate the phone. You pick it up, eyes half wide, and check the time. 4:07am.

"fuck" you mumble too yourself, you've been on this couch for nearly 12 hours...

As your eyes wander down from the timestamp at the top of your phone screen, you lock your gaze onto the first notification.

Twitter : @drewobxlover03 Tagged you in a post.

'okay, pretty normal?' you think to yourself 

but as your sleepy eyes drift down some more...

6,789 more.

You quickly adjust your position on the couch, now sitting up as your back leans against the arm of it... your gaze widens.

Too caught up in your own trail of thoughts and distress when you entered your home earlier, The flickers from the paparazzi camera didn't even cross your mind. You were used to it to say the least, but you'd forgotten the difference in what they may have captured earlier on...

Your finger glides over the notifications and swipes to open.

You're met with a picture grid.

A "slideshow" full of your swollen teary face. Drews hands flailing around at you through the cafe windows. your figure towering over drew as you got up out of your seat. You abruptly dash out of the cafe doors...

The number on your twitter activity heading just keeps rising... and rising. 

A pit in your stomach starts to grow, but You can't help but click on more, its a bad idea... 

Met by more photos of you from different angles, red streaks from tears that have trailed down your cheeks. Feelings of embarrassment overcome your being.

until the embarrassment turns into dismay.

Your palm meets your mouth, shocked by the images on your phone screen, you're breathed.

They're in a car...pictures of him, and her... touching her face?...They're laughing? they’re way too close for your liking.

your heart begins swelling with hurt, you feel a physical pain ache within your chest, thoughts that it may almost rupture.

You scan the comments, your thumb appears to be scrolling too fast for your eyes to catch up. 

@user0844628495: OMFG HE DIDN'T TT!!???

@Chaseforeverxoxo: I never liked y/n anyways lol.

@obxstufffff: Who is she??? 

@starkeyandy/l/n20: no no no no!!! please, I don't believe in true love fr :((((((

@user984763097: I hate men.

You should've known from the moment Drew was being distant after he started shooting for the new film that there was something off, that he'd possibly found another girl. it just never seemed to cross your mind. Not your drew? Not after nearly 4 years and especially not after you guys were so public with your relationship. 

Maybe it lingered in your subconscious...but your heart was too heavy to allow yourself to slip that possibility to the front of your mind. You feel like a fool.

The only person who knew you and drew just as equally was Madelyne. After phoning her up and apologising for how late it was, you explained the situation. she offered to come round and comfort you, and you allowed her to do just that, as you sobbed into her arms she was wiping your tears. She didn't say much, she just held you...the truth is there's not much she could say...at least not to you anyways. But she promised the next time she and Drew would come into contact it would not end well, and she was adamant that it would be the last time she would willingly be in the same room as him. Even though you met Madelyn through drew, you and her hit it off so quickly, it's like you found your platonic soulmate as well as your romantic one...or so you had thought.

~~~~~~~

Madelyn was passed out on the opposite side of the couch when you decided to get up and get some water, your appetite was certainly not present but you figured you should hydrate yourself, your tears had drained your body from water. You glance over to the kitchen as you make your way there. The time reads 8am on the digital clock within the microwave.

As you drag your feet around the kitchen, collecting a glass to fill with water, your ears prick up to the sound of a knock at your door. Confused, you slowly redirect your journey and turn to the front door. You peak through the peephole, to find the boy you've been in hysterics over for the past, well...however many hours.

He knocks again, this time a little louder.

Your mind starts racing, your heart begins to pound and you get that ever so familiar feeling of anxiety that rushes over you.

You shake your head in distress and you battle with your thoughts on what to do next...

"y/n...please, open the door... I know you're not asleep"

He's right, he knows you well enough to know your mind wouldn't allow you to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time when you're feeling upset.

You glance over to the couch where Madelyn still lays, her breaths slow and fall steadily.

You step a little closer to the door frame and lean your weight onto one side. "um, Drew...I-I really don't feel like speaking right now"

"please y/n, just open the door, let me explain myself... I- i've been shit I know and ...i'm sorry, can you just hear me out?" Drew utters through slight cracks in his voice.

Tears brim in your eyes as you listen through the door to the words that trail out of Drews mouth...you tilt your head back and gasp for air as you try and hold back your wave of emotions. You want to see him, you want to talk, but you feel like you're almost stuck, unable to think straight, you're not ready for the emotional baggage that a conversation like this would bring right now. You figure there's no real explanation on why Drew has treated you the way he has for the past couple of months, and no excuse for acting the way he had in the photos you'd seen, it all hurt you, and it was valid. 

Your brain is scattered trying to figure out the right way to go about all of this...but almost before your mind could tell you no, your hand reaches for the hinges to unlock the front door.

your eyes lock together, and you can see Drews been crying, they're bloodshot and his eyebags slightly swollen. You look down at your feet as you quietly step outside the front door and into the apartment block hallway. "i've got to come out here, Madelyn's asleep..." you whisper slightly. Drew nods sheepishly.

as you close the door and shuffle your feet in front of Drew, you look up to him and fold your arms. "so?...you wanted to talk to me what do you want you want to say?" you question

"I just wanted to say i'm sorry, that I never meant to hurt you, you were right, I have been a dick, i've been scared and stressed and i've made some stupid decision I-"

"did you sleep with her?" you interrupt, you couldn’t truly hear drew out until you got off what was on your mind, you just needed to know first.

"huh?" He questions, his eyebrows burrowing slightly 

"Did you sleep with her?" you utter through a passive tone

" I-what do you mean ?"

"Ive seen the fucking photos Joseph! did you. sleep. with her?" you exclaim, hands gesturing to emphasise your emotions.

"What? What photos y/n? I- I don't know what youre talking about?"

your heart skips a beat

The truth is, Drew hadn't looked on twitter, Drew hadn't seen the photos of you, or him, or her. He always kept his phone on do not disturb between the night and early morning. And when the realisation hits...you can't help but snap.

A small chuckle slips through your lips. "are you fucking kidding me drew?"` you spit " you really was going to come here, apologies and not be truthful about what happened last night, do you think im fucking stupid? look at your fucking phone!?" 

But before Drew can get out his phone to check what youre talking about, you get out your own, shoving the image of him and another girl into his face. "this?" you state through gritted teeth.

Drews expression changes, his brows drop. 

"anything to say? maybe the reason youve been such a dick is because youre fucking your co star huh?" 

but before you could ask him once more, you notice his attention isn’t on you, but is drawn towards the floor

As you look down towards your bare legs, you notice drops of blood beginning to fall from in between, first slowly…then all at once.

cramping begins in your lower abdomen, however, it doesn't feel familiar, it feels uneasy…you begin to panic, facing drew with your hand now clamped over your mouth… 

“what the fuck y/n, we- we have to get you to a hospital…”

a/n: pt3??????

@winterrrnight @loves0phelia @f4ll-for-you @leyla-1905 @dilvcv @abarleyexistentbeing @tringeorge @emmsyysstuff @missamericanablog @deadxrx @clearpoetryobservation-blog @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @emotionsmgcbabe @aliciacat20

[starlightazriel]

bad boy az # 7 (fem reader)

warnings: 18+ , smut, luciens nickname is lucci (im freshly gardened leave me alone), lucien????? (you know what emoji im thinking about), 16/18 age gap, angsty asf, self loathing, az being az, underage alcohol and drug abuse, loneliness, heartbreak, pining, fluff (YUP)

a/n: im sorry lucien doesn't have a fake eye i don't have time to backstory why a high schooler lost his eye lol thank you for all the support i love you. also credit to @leyannrae for the lickback cus i was scared to do it but was inspired by the comment

other parts can be found on my azriel masterlist

wc: 4.3k

The particular situation I found myself in, definitely wasnt what I would have expected when I left my house this morning. I wasnt exactly complaining though. Maggie had informed me earlier today that I needed to 'get outside' needed to 'explore some other fish in the sea' and it was 'the perfect opportunity to do whatever I want because my parents were out of town for the week'. She had also added that Azriel 'wasnt the only hot guy that existed on planet earth'. I recalled wanting to argue that he was the hottest guy on earth.

I knew she was just worried about me though, I hadn't left my room in weeks besides school, so I didnt protest. I agreed to the double date with Maggie, Shane, and Shanes right hand man Lucci, yes Lucci, and yes it was pronounced like Gucci. Which Maggie had informed me was short for Lucien, but no one called him that, apparently. Lucien was given his nickname at a young age after making varsity football as a freshman. She informed me that he was smart too, 'so we should get along perfectly'.

He was also... Another senior. Incredibly hot in a completely different way than Azriel. Darker than Azriel, russet colored eyes and slightly long shaggy red hair.

It had been two months since Azriel had left me there that day, stunned into silence. I had replayed it over and over again, trying to pick apart every single word that he had said to me. I had wanted to talk to him the first week, so very badly that it had ached in my bones. I had eventually given up, but it didnt stop me from being worried about him. He avoided me like the plague when he did show up for school. He wouldn't look at me when we passed each other in the hallways, but I noticed that he looked slightly thinner, I could tell his eyes were distant and that he probably was taking something. I wondered how his classes were going. He had blocked my number after the first couple days I had texted him, reminding him about certain things he had said that day, certain things that had eluded toward him having feelings for me. My number was still blocked, as far as I knew.

"You alright over there? What's going on up there?" Luciens voice reminds me where I was again, and my eyes flicker to his, he gestures to my forehead. I blink, realizing that I hadn't said anything in a while.

"I was just wondering if I actually have to call you Lucci. Because I don't think this is going to work out if I do," I play it off smoothly enough that a grin plasters his face and he laughs, leaning back into the seat of his car. We were in front of my house, and he was supposed to be dropping me off, since Shane and Maggie had sleepover plans.

"I like you y/n, you're funny," he's still smiling at me, and he looks at me for the first time tonight. Well he had looked at me a lot at the bowling alley, particularly every time I had gone up for my turn. I hadn't missed his intense, burning gaze. His eyes eventually land on my lips and suddenly, I'm nervous. "And the answer is no. You don't have to call me that. It's just a stupid nickname, don't let it make you underestimate me," his voice had dropped a little bit, huskier now. "You can call me whatever you want," he adds suggestively, he leans in and I don't move, my breathing becoming heavier as his scent fills my nostrils.

"Lucien it is then," I breath out, trying to remain calm, as he gets a little closer, my lips part as I brace myself for the kiss, holding my breath.

And then... Hes kissing me, his large hands are running over my body, feeling me, gently squeezing and rubbing. I feel his fingers slide beneath my skirt, between my legs, I don't tell him to stop, I don't grab his arm or get out of the car, instead I moan softly tilting my head back against the seat as his two fingers dipped into my wetness, gently stretching me. This was the rush I needed, the type of touch I had been craving for weeks. His lips press to my neck as he moves his fingers in and out deliciously, making me moan again. "You are so fucking wet and tight," he pants softly before he begins sucking on my neck, his teeth scraping at the skin. "Where have you been?" he groans against my neck and I arch my back slightly, gasping. It isn't long before Im undone, left panting and wondering if he's going to sneak inside or take me in the back of his car. But instead, he just kisses me, leans back, and smiles before sucking my release off of his fingers slowly. I realize that this is as far as he's going to take it, and I sigh softly.

"You know," I say, squinting my eyes a little at him, "Lucien and Lucifer sound really close," I say, earning a laugh from him, he tosses his head back before shaking his head.

"Go to bed kid, we got school tomorrow," his eyes twinkle and I can't help but smile back before I open the door of the car.

"Goodnight Lucien," he waves once more and only leaves once Im safely inside. Im left reeling, wondering how this year had ended up with me having relations with not one but two senior boys. Lucien was sweet, he was carefree and flirty... But he wasnt Azriel.

I swallow the lump in my throat, reaching up to touch the small hickey that Lucien had left on my neck.

I knew I shouldn't be, but I found myself wondering what Azriel was doing.

-

It had become routine for Azriel to look past y/n as if she was a ghost when he would pass by her in the hallways. He had said too much that day, exposed himself too much, that the only logical thing to do now was to push her out and pretend like she didnt exist so that she couldn't hurt him back.

That didnt mean he didnt still think about her, every waking moment. It didnt mean that the look on her face every time he had hurt her didnt haunt him. That the shit didn't keep him from eating, or keep him up tossing and turning, every single night. Blocking her had been the obvious solution to her texts that were analyzing the things he had said to her, responding to them anyway when he hadn't given her the chance to speak up at the time. It was too much. He just couldn't handle it. He had fought himself every day since from unblocking her and texting her.

He almost froze completely when he entered the hall that passed y/n's locker. He stopped a little farther down, leaning against the wall by the bathroom. His eyes locked on her and then the boy standing there, and his gut reeled as he saw Lucien of all people, standing in his old spot at her locker. Azriels jaw clenched tightly as he watched her laugh, actually laugh at whatever dumb fuckery he could have been saying. Lucien? Really? He knew him fairly well, they had been going to school together for years, they would graduate together this year, Azriel had sold him weed many times and he knew he was mostly harmless but him and y/n? No fucking way.

His teeth clench, jaw flexing tightly as he watches him try to brush her hair back and she swats him away, still laughing. Her hair falls anyway revealing a small purple hickey right on the side of her neck, before he can think about anything he's across the hallway standing before them.

"What are you doing?" his question is directed to her, tone sharp and demanding, the first words he's spoken to her in months. Her lips part in surprise, shock written all over her face. His eyes keep darting back and forth from her own to the hickey on her neck. A hickey he didnt leave there.

"Im talking to my friend," when she finally speaks, her tone is cool, but her eyes are still searching.

"Well now I want to talk," he responds, almost forgetting that Lucien was even there. Everything else always seemed to melt away when he was near her.

"You good Azriel?" Lucien looks between the two of them, assessing the situation. Azriel peels his eyes away from her, settling them on Lucien, his hazel eyes burning

"I will be when you leave," he says shortly and Luciens face scrunches slightly, his spine straightening as he begins to square up with him.

"Y/n? You okay?" Luciens eyes shift away from Azriels and then settle on her again.

"She's fine," Azriel growls, his fists clenching at his sides, it took everything in him not to completely deck the shit outta him.

"Let her answer," he growls back, his eyes scanning over Azriel.

"Im fine, Lucien, really. I'll catch up with you later," she says, giving him a small nod, he looks at her one last time, as if he would figure out what was going on between the two of them by the hard stare he gave her. He eventually just shakes his head a little, shrugs and gives Azriel one last look over before he walks away, shaking his head.

"What are you doing?" Azriel repeats once he's gone, his mouth is dry, stare so intense that her fingers were shaking as she stared back up at him. His eyes flick back down to the hickey. "Hes doesn't deserve to breath the same air as you y/n," Azriel growled quietly, he knew it was unreasonable, Lucien hadn't exactly done anything wrong, but he couldn't bare to see the two of them like that. He couldn't bare to see someone else making her smile. And to see she had a hickey? Rage burned inside him, but he remained calm, letting it show as he stared down at her. She only huffs, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance, the image makes Azriels heart soar.

"So let me get this straight Azriel," she stares up at him, her voice the tiniest bit shaky, he could tell she was trying her very best to keep her composure. "He doesn't deserve me, you don't deserve me. So what am I supposed to do then, Az? Fuck myself?" Azriel blanches at her words, jealousy gnawed deeply at his gut. They fucked? His nostrils flare. He feels like screaming, like slamming her up against the lockers so hard, he feels like covering that pathetic little hickey with five more of his own. He swallows every word he's about to say.

"Just don't be a fucking idiot y/n, okay?" his jaw flexes, his gaze burning through her, her lips are slightly parted as she looks up at him, his eyes drop, settling there. He recalls how good it feels to kiss her, to touch her, his body feels so hot, so fucking angry as he thinks about him fucking her, him kissing her, and touching her. Word vomit threatens to spill so Azriel turns on his heel, leaving her alone, and stunned to silence.

-

Azriel didnt know how he had found himself back here, throwing rocks at her window, looking up, silently begging for her to wake, to appear before him looking down, her face flushed, hair messy from sleep. He needed it. He needed her. He had been going out of his mind all day. His thoughts were absolutely tortured by the thought of her fucking someone else. It completely gnawed at his insides. He figured that was mostly why he was here, he was so fucking jealous he couldn't stay away. He couldn't fucking bare the thought of her starting something new with somebody else.

He had tried to distract himself, he had left school immediately to meet up with Rhys and Cass to skate, and get fucked up, obviously. He could tell they were worried about him, they had started prying, not without a bite back from Azriel but they had began prying. He knew they only did that when things got really bad. Azriel had left their place eventually, informing them he was going home which they didnt think was a good idea, he had been far too drunk to drive. He had ignored them and left anyway, and now... Found himself here.

She finally appears in front of her window, sliding it open easily, her lips part as she just stares down at him and they look at each other for what feels like forever. His breathing is slightly ragged, his fingers now balled up at his sides.

"My parents aren't home, you could have knocked," she says, peering down at him, his heart thundered against his chest, liquor running through his system.

"Let me up," is all he says, he was dying to get his hands on her. Dying to touch her skin.

"Again," she mumbles softly, squinting down at him. "You can use the door, my parents aren't home." He doesn't hesitate, but walks quickly to the front door, waiting for her to open it.

"What are you doing here Azriel?" her face is weary, but her tone is soft and he knows its probably because of the state of him, how fucking horrible he looked.

"I can't fucking take this shit anymore y/n," his voice is soft, tone matching hers as he stares at her, he was leaning against the front door now, his palms pressed against the wood as if to keep himself from lunging at her.

"I don't know what you mean," she says, but he knows she does know what he means. Her body language said so, the way she nervously shifted on her feet, the way she covered the small bruise on her neck with her hair. His anger flared silently, he kept it at bay.

"You're going to make me say it aren't you," he takes a small step closer to her, her breath hitches, he swallows the lump in his throat. She's quiet, waiting for him. "I need you y/n okay? Are you fucking happy now? I need you every fucking second of everyday. Ive been drowning these past two months without you. Absolutely drowning," a small gasp escapes her lips, she blinks, as if she was trying to decipher whether or not this was real life.

"Then why..." she trails off, failing at finding the right words. "Then why did you push me away?" she finally breaths out, watching him as his hands grip his hair, pulling gently as he looks up at the ceiling, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips. His arms fall at his sides again, another frustrated sigh leaving his lips. Why did she make this so hard? Why couldn't she just see everything?

"I can't fucking help it butterfingers," he breaths, his heart warms slightly at the nickname, recalling the first time they had met, the way she had fallen all over herself with nerves. "And deep down, I just know, that I don't fucking deserve you," he shakes his head, and he meant it, he knew he didnt. Everything he had done from the very beginning proved that.

"Stop saying that Azriel!" her voice raises slightly, frustration gleaming through her tone. "You don't get to determine that! You don't just get to decide what is and isn't good for me!" Her voice falters slightly, but she doesn't move, doesn't tear her eyes away from him.

"You don't realize that everything that I've done since the beginning... Every single mistake I made from the first day that I ever went to your house and fucked you. Without knowing you first, without really getting to know you... I took something from you that you'll never get back from me, I was so fucking selfish and you don't even realize it. When I fucked not one but two girls behind your back when I was fucked out of my mind but really all I wanted was you and I knew it but I was too afraid to admit what that truly meant," he was rambling, but he noticed her visible wince, pain flashing in her eyes, he knew she didn't know about the first girl, at the rave, there was no possible way she could have found out about that, but since everything was being laid out on the table, he figured it didn't matter anymore the truth was the truth. "The way I talked down to you before fucking you just because you cared enough to check on me when my dad died, I treated you like nothing but a slut when you are so much more than that. The way that Ive completely ignored you for months, pretending like nothing ever existed between us, not even checking on you one fucking time, y/n... And you don't even see how horrible I am, you just keep fucking letting me in. Over and over," He trails off again, his eyes sting slightly, he blinks. He was not a crier, and he wasnt about to start now.

"You deserved so much more y/n," his words are soft again, he swallows, his eyes not leaving hers. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care about being vulnerable, he isn't afraid of what she's going to say anymore. It didnt matter, nothing mattered except making sure she at least knew the truth, he was facing everything now, finally admitting every single thing outloud. "So when I push you away it's because I have never felt like this before y/n. I have never needed anyone in my entire life. And Im fucking terrified of that, and so Ive fucked up, over and over again and still... Still y/n you stand here in front of me, and you listen," his jaw flexes nervously, his eyes darting, blinking again trying to swallow every piece of emotion that burned inside of him. He waits, he waits for her to explode, to push him out, to finally realize just how awful he was, finally to realize how much better she truly deserved.

But she doesn't run from his words, she doesn't balk, she doesn't realize that he's right about himself... She advances towards him, standing in her tip toes she places her hands on both of cheeks, so tenderly and softly , he melts instantly, his face along with his whole body softening at her touch. It's so light, like a touch a mother gives to a child before sending them off to sleep, feather light, radiating love and warmth. No one had ever touched him like that. His breath hitches, his throat bobbing as he stares down at her, unable to peel his eyes away.

Safe.

It was the only word to describe the feeling that her touch caused to stir up in him. The only time he ever felt remotely like that was when he was with Rhys and Cass. But this... It was different than even that. One of those things that ran so true and deep. His mind told him to run, do something dumb, fuck it up somehow, get away from the intimacy that felt like too much to handle. But he was frozen, his heart wouldn't let him move, he couldn't move.

"Azriel," she says softly, her eyes warm, forgiving, caring. "None of that matters," she whispers, he swallows again, his heart hammering against his chest. "Because I see you," and he knew that she did. All those walls that he tried to keep up, the masks he put on, the self destruct... She saw all of it, his walls had been crumbling since the day he met her. He could admit it now, to himself at least, while standing there with her, after completely pouring his heart out. He could finally admit that he loved her, he wished that he had the courage to say it, just another reason to feel unworthy. Such a coward still.

He can't speak without his voice cracking, so he leans in, waiting to see if she would pull away. She doesn't, her breath hitching quietly, she pulls him a little closer, her fingers still gently placed on his cheeks.

He knows she's about to kiss him, and he closes his eyes, waiting patiently, savoring the feeling of her skin against his. He needed this.

She kissed him, softly pressing. her lips to his. He hums softly, kissing her back in a way that he had never kissed anyone before. Gentle, loving, tender... His fingers slide up, gently weaving into her hair as he holds her in place, his other arm snacking around her slim waist.

She moans softly as he continues to kiss her, tongue gently exploring, getting reacquainted with that pouty little mouth that he has missed so much. He reaches down with both of his hands now, gently picking her up, not daring to pull away as they kiss passionately. She wraps her legs around his waist, gasping softly at the closeness of them now, their bodies pressed together for the first time in what felt like forever. Her arms had moved around his neck, her hands locking behind it to hold herself up.

Azriel carefully carries her to the guest room on the first floor of her house, he refused to break the contact, refused to put her down so they could safely get up the stairs. He sets her gently down on the bed, one of his hands cradling her head so it didnt hit the pillow. He swallowed, trying not to remember how rough he had been with her the last time they did this.

Maybe he didnt have the courage to tell her that he loved her, but he could show her... With the only way he knew how.

He undressed her slowly, carefully kissing each new piece of exposed skin until she was naked in front of him. He marvels for a moment, his breath getting caught in his throat. "Ive missed you so much," he admits softly, her cheeks are blazing, breath ragged as she lay there, gripping the sheets gently and he knew it was to stop herself from covering her body. He was looking at her in a way he never had before, savoring, appreciating, every dip and curve, every freckle or mole, any imperfection that to him, made her absolutely perfect.

He tasted her then, taking his time with each slow and rolling movement of his tongue and lips. Her pussy was dripping, body shaking, covered in goosebumps as she melted more and more under each lick of his tongue. He had never been like this with anyone before, he had never been so careful, so gentle and tender.

It was like he was trying to take every little bit of pain she ever felt away from her, like he was trying to take care of her, like he never had before. She whispered his name, her back arching deliciously, breasts peaked in the air. He only stops when she moans his name softly, her body going rigid as she releases before she goes limp, panting underneath him.

He slowly kisses back up her body, finding her lips again, she moans at the taste of herself, her fingers finding Azriels hair and tugging gently. "Can I..." he trails off, gently pulling his mouth off of hers, her arms fall by her head and she nods quickly, knowing exactly what he was asking for.

"Please," she whispers, watching as he undresses himself, revealing his tanned tattooed body to him. She bites her lip, heat rushes through him again, a small nervous breath escaping his lips.

He hesitantly reaches down with one of his hands, intwining their fingers together, she gasps softly at the intimacy, their eyes glued to one another. He gently guides himself to her opening, slowly pushing all of himself in, a moan escapes his lips, he had missed this so much.

And then, he made love to her, for the first time in his life, he made love. He poured every single thing that he felt for her into each rolling thrust of his body. Her soft moans felt like music to his ears, and they panted, their breaths falling insync, eyes never leaving each others. Their hands interlaced on either side of her face, noses bumping from time to time. He savored every last second of it.

They did it again and again. Making love into the early hours of the morning until sunlight peaked through the blinds of the guest room. He couldn't sleep, he had refused to sleep. He had refused to do anything besides draw the night out for as long as he could.

"I am sorry y/n, for everything," its the first thing he says to break the silence, they hadn't spoken in hours, just kissed and touched and made love.... Held each other.

"I forgive you," she says quietly. "I won't give up you know," she mumbles then, her eyes are closed, head on his chest like it had been the night she first told him that she loved him. He knew what she meant, and he believed her, he trusted that she wouldn't give up on him. Even if he continued to push her away. A few long moments of silence pass as he tries to gather the courage for what he wants to say.

"If you let me," he swallowed the lump in his throat, pushed down the nerves. "I'd like to... Start fresh," he struggled, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Do everything the right way this time."

She doesn't say a word though, she's already sleeping peacefully, blissfully in his arms.

-

a/n: IM SCREAMING ! my heart is on the floor. thoughts?!

also this hasn't been proof read yet cus i just wanted to post it so if you see any mistakes ill get to it eventually

[thornsnvultures]

clumsy boy

eddie munson x plus size!fem!reader

summary: Eddie's in love with the cute alt-girl that works at the local hobby shop.

cw: fluff, pathetic eddie is my favorite, r calls eddie a "good boy", sub!eddie

a/n: no one asked for this and I should be working on like three other things but 🤷‍♀️ oh well lol

-----

Eddie needs to find a new hobby shop to get his mini figs from if he intends on living past thirty. Every time he walks through those doors he makes a goddamn fool of himself because of you and one of these days he's going to die from sheer embarrassment.

He wished today would be the day he perishes, but no, you're standing there staring at him and the entire display of discounted figurines that somehow got knocked all over the floor. Eddie knows he's beet red, stammering like an idiot while you look at him with a face that can't choose between laughing, incredulity and possibly, hopefully sympathy.

"Need help finding anything?" The teasing tone in your voice makes Eddie blush harder. Jesus he's an idiot.

"N-no. Sorry I didn't- I mean I did but it was an accident," Eddie drops to his knees, picking up the mess of boxes strewn under the table of marked down paraphernalia.

"It's okay, dude. Happens all the time," you smile at him when he hands you each box. It's not butterflies in his stomach but dragons. They're either breathing fire or he has indigestion, either way his stomach rolls nervously every time you look at him.

"I doubt this happens every time," Eddie tries joking, picking up the last box as he stands up and hands it to you.

"Only when you're here. I was trying to be nice." The way you lick your black lipstick covered lips and let your hand linger on his does feel pretty nice. So nice, the nicest girl he's ever met.

"Thanks for your help..."

"Eddie. I'm Eddie," he tries a smile that he hopes doesn't look as erratic as he feels, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. This is the most you've spoken to him outside of saying your customary "Hello" when he enters the store and telling him his total at the register. Your slight, smirking smile back tells him he might've not been successful but he doesn't care. He'll keep looking like a dumbass if you keep smiling at him.

"Thanks, Eddie." You start to walk back to your post at the register before you stop and turn around. "Try not to knock anything else over, okay? I don't want to have to start charging you for damages every time you come in."

Eddie gulps as you walk back towards him. No, stalk back. Like a lioness and he's your prey. He wants you to eat him alive.

Jesus, Munson. Easy boy.

"And if you're trying to get my attention, you don't need to knock things over to get it."

You poke his chest with one painted black nail and smile at him again. Eddie practically melts into a puddle on the floor, not even bothering to hide the slack-jawed way he watches your hips sway as you walk away.

Eddie manages to find the things he needs between trying to will his boner away and replaying that interaction over and over. At the register, you scan his things, all your attention on doing your job while Eddie tries to remember how normal people breathe.

You hand over his things with a smile and tell him to have a nice day. Eddie trips over his feet looking over his shoulder at you as he leaves because he just can't help himself.

Once he's home, Eddie dumps out his things on his bed and grabs his paints. He's about to throw out the recepit when something catches his eye. It's a number. And a name. Your name. Eddie's heart falls out of his ass. You gave him your number. He should play it cool. Wait a few hours. Maybe a few days. He doesn't want to seem desperate.

Eddie's plugging in your number before he knows what he's doing.

"Hello?"

Fuck, it really is you.

"Hey, uh, it's Eddie. From the hobby shop. I broke all your stuff?" Eddie cringes, banging his head on the wall next to the phone.

"Oh I remember you, Eddie."

Your voice carries through the line and curls around him, warm and soft and he needs to say something before he's breathing into the phone like a creep. But you're way ahead of him.

"I'm glad you called, clumsy boy. I rented a movie but I don't have anyone to watch it with."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it's a real scary one too. Wanna come over and watch it with me?"

Eddie screams into his fist, thanking whatever otherworldly being has blessed him today.

"Sure, sounds fun," he says, cringing again at the way his voice cracks when he says "fun".

He can practically hear your smile over the phone as you give him your address, Eddie frantically writing it down in his nearly illegible handwriting on the edge of a takeout menu.

"See you soon, Eddie," you say before hanging up. Eddie clutches the menu to his chest and grabs his keys before floating out to his van.

Years later when you and Eddie own your own hobby shop, running games of D&D for local kids and selling comics and mini fics to your fellow freaks, Eddie asks you why you took a chance on a goof like him all those years ago.

"You really want to know, Munson," you tease as you run your fingers through his curls, sitting on the couch with him for your weekly scary movie night.

"I do," he smiles up at you from your lap. "I was pathetically in love with you, y'know?"

"Oh I knew," you laugh. "I saw you watching me every time you came in. You never hid it well."

"Pfft. I was a master of stealth."

"You failed every stealth roll, baby, don't lie."

"Then what?" Eddie huffs, crossing his arms.

"You, silly. The way you looked on your knees that day I gave you my number. All cute and flushed. I knew you'd be a good boy for me."

Eddie groans and rolls onto his side to bury his face in your soft tummy. "You're the worst."

"I'm right, though aren't I," you cackle at the way his face flushes, still in love with teasing him after all these years.

"You are, you terrible minx," Eddie looks up at you again and smiles, takes your face in his hand. "But I'm still desperately in love with you."

"Me too, clumsy boy. Me too."

---

--

-

🖤

[asaka-lucy-dr-rc]

RAIN CODE Fan Meeting Report ③

From the second reading to the end of the of the daytime program.

Previous posts:

RAIN CODE Fan Meeting Report ①

RAIN CODE Fan Meeting Report ②

⚠️This is a looong post and contains spoilers! Only read this if you have already played RAIN CODE and have time.

After introducing the merchandise sold at the event, Fukuhara, Suzushiro, and Ishikawa gave a reading performance. The reading was a direct reenactment of the game's dialog from Chapter 1, when Halara's forensic forte was first shared with Yuma, so I will just leave out the details.

After that, KENN joined in and the four VAs gave a reading performance. This was a re-enactment of the part after the Mystery Labyrinth in chapter 2, where Kurumi gave Yuma information about the homunculus and Yuma shared it with other detectives of the Nocturnal Detective Agency. Yakou's lines were replayed by playing the voices in the game, and Fubuki's and Vivia's lines were simply omitted. In the actual story, Vivia mentions Death God here, implying that he knows Yuma is possessed by Shinigami, but those lines were left out, and Shinigami forced a punchline by being a bit silly instead. I remember it ending with a meta-statement like, "The most mysterious thing is that Fuzz Head's voice is heard even though he is not here."

I forgot to mention in my previous post that the entire script for the reading was done by Spike Chunsoft staff, and Kodaka was not involved at all. (From the way he talked, it sounded like he didn't even supervise it). So the story itself was not something worth explaining in detail. Just the VAs' performances were really perfect and wonderful :)

------

The next segment, "Kanai Ward Citizen Survey", featured a game in which the VAs predicted which answer to a three-option question would receive the most votes from the audience. The audience was treated as Kanai Ward residents, and voting was done by clapping their hands. The person who best predicted the audience's answer won a book token printed with the main artwork of the RAIN CODE Fan Meeting.

The first question was as follows:

Q1.Which Forensic Forte would you use if you could? 1. Halara's Forensic Forte 2. Desuhiko's Forensic Forte 3. Fubuki's Forensic Forte

Maybe they dared to make it easy because it was the first question, but clearly Halara's abilities are too limited compared to the versatility of Desuhiko and Fubuki's abilities 😅 so the VAs predicted that it would most likely be either 2 or 3. And here's the result of their choice:

(The VAs were given placards to hold up to answer the questions.)

Then, the option that got the most votes from the audience was "3. Fubuki's Forensic Forte". To which the VAs said, "I knew everyone wanted to rewind time." lol

The level of popularity was Fubuki > Desuhiko >> Halara.

The next question was this:

Q2.Who is the detective you want to be your boss? 1. Yakou 2. Halara 3. Yuma before losing his memory. (Number One)

When Kodaka saw these options, he immediately commented as follows:

But Suzushiro said "Isn't Halara too strict? Yakou seems to be very subordinate-minded." Then Ishikawa said, "If I were to become Halara's subordinate, I would like to see Halara looking at pictures of cats."

(The gesture of looking through the gap is what she actually did on the stage!)

And here's the result of their choice:

I was so convinced by Ishikawa's opinion, but she actually raised Yakou's number. (She betrayed us! 😂)

Only Fukuhara chose 3 and was asked by the MC why:

(He really loves Yuma!)

Then, Kodaka commented as follows:

Fukuhara countered, "But don't you think it's good that he only shows his true face to me!?" (He seemed to imagine what would happen if he became Number One's secretary or entourage 😄)

But whether his arguments did not resonate with the audience or were simply not popular enough, the option that got the most votes from the audience was "1. Yakou".

The level of popularity was Yakou > Halara > Number One.

Q3.Which organization would you prefer to join? 1.World Detective Organization 2.Amaterasu Corporation 3.Resistance

Kodaka saw these options and again immediately commented.

(That's true 😂)

The VAs began to discuss these options and which organization would give them the best chance of survival. However, all of them are very risky 😅 WDO's work is fraught with danger (as a lot of detectives were actually killed in chapter 0), and workers in Amaterasu would be executed if suspected of rebellion. Of course, the Resistance is always fraught with danger!

After such discussion, here is what they chose:

When asked by the MC why they chose Amaterasu Corporation, Ishikawa and KENN replied:

(Becoming an Ama-Pal developer is certainly a fairly peaceful option 😆)

Fukuhara replied that the reason he wanted to join WDO was because of his love for Yuma, and Suzushiro said she wanted to use Forensic Forte.

And as a result of audience voting, the most popular option was "1.World Detective Organization".

The level of popularity was World Detective Organization > Amaterasu Corporation >>> Resistance. (FYI, WDO and Amaterasu were almost equally popular. WDO was slightly more popular).

Last Question: Which line do you want Shinigami to say? 1. "Kyahaha! Down the rabbit hole we go!" (JA: きゃっきゃっきゃ！　いざ、迷宮入りーーーー！！) 2. "Luminous darkness! Shining rainbow! Glorious stellar spiral! Bello Fresco Grand Finale!" (JA: ダークネスシャイニングファビュラスレインボービューティフルマックススクリューラブリーフレッシュグランドフィナーレ！！) 3. "I hope he dies with his upper body stuck in the pond." (JA: 池に上半身が突き刺さって死ねばいいのに)

*As for the third, I don't remember where Shinigami said it, so I made up the translation myself. I used "he", but it may have been said to a female character. The first and second should be correct because I checked the English version of the videos on YouTube.

As for the first line, KENN mentioned that this line was memorable, but I need to make some explanations so that you can see why he said it. This line is said by Yuma and Shinigami enter the Mystery Labyrinth, but it differs considerably between the Japanese and English versions. If I translate the original Japanese line into English, it should be like "Now enter the Labyrinth!" However, in Japanese, it actually shares a meaning with another word that has a different meaning, but if it were put into English, it would lose that meaning, so it was probably changed to something completely different. In Japanese, when things are left unresolved, the thing is described as having entered a labyrinth. So KENN commented that he found it interesting that a word that was originally used in this sense was literally used in the sense of entering a labyrinth.

The second line is the one that Shinigami says at the end of Mystery Labirinth, when she reaps the soul of the true culprit:

Kodaka said it was based on the scene when the main characters perform a special move in the Pretty Cure series, a famous Japanese anime for girls. Suzushiro said that she searched for videos of Pretty Cure on YouTube and used them as a reference for her performance. When I heard this, I remembered that the title of the music played in the scene is "Heart Catch! Convict! Convict!" in the OST. I think "Heart Catch" is based on a title of one of the Pretty Cure series: HeartCatch PreCure! - Wikipedia

By the way, for Japanese Otaku, "heart catch" is also a word with a different meaning. I know the correct grammatical order in English should be "catch heart", but Japanese otaku dare to say "heart catch" when a cruel character grabs someone's heart (as an organ). So I think the reason for such a music title is a cross between the Shinigami harvesting the soul scene and the cute image of Pretty Cure.

Sorry for the long explanation! 😣 And my memory is a little fuzzy as to which answer the VAs chose here. I think 2 was the most popular. And in fact, 2 was the most popular among the audience, and Suzushiro actually read the line out loud!

The level of popularity was 2 > 1 >>> 3.

As a result of this game, it was Suzushiro who was the best at guessing the audience's answers! She received the book token and declared that she would use it to buy some RAIN CODE books :)

------

In the next segment, "RAIN CODE Maniac Quiz", the audience answered super-geeky questions about RAIN CODE. All questions were true/false and the audience answered by opening their fist for true and clenching their fist for false.

The audience was first asked to stand, and the person who made the mistake was treated as having left the quiz at that point and was seated. And when there were only a few people standing, the game was over. Those who stayed until the end received limited edition merchandise. (They received a card that looked like a pass).

This quiz was full of really difficult questions! 😅 There were 7 questions in total. I encourage you to see if you can answer them.

The questions were as follows:

The tallest person in Amaterasu Corporation is Dominic. True or false?

2. It is in Chapter 4 that Shinigami shows the pose in the following image. True or false?:

3. The word "WINE" is written on the label of the wine bottle* used in the case in Chapter 2. True or false? * The bottle was used as a prop for a play by the Aetheria Academy Theater Club.

4. The cat in the photo Halara was looking at in Chapter 1 had blue eyes. True or false?

5. The color of Pucci's stuffed bear* was white. True or false? * It is the stuffed bear that was sitting on a chair in Pucci's room in Chapter 0.

6. The load capacity of Ama-pal is 120 kg. True or false?

7. In chapter 1, the amount Halara asked for as the price for helping Yuma was 5,500,600 shien. True or false?

The order of the questions may differ from the order of the actual quiz, but in any case, only those who answered all of these questions correctly were eligible for the prizes.

The correct answers are written at the very end of this post!

------

Finally, the participants gave their closing remarks. The VAs all said that it was the first time they had seen the fans since the game was released, and that it was nice to know for the first time that these people love RAIN CODE.

Ishikawa said that even from the stage she could see some fans wearing merchandise shirts or carrying Shinigami bags, and felt that RAIN CODE is really loved.

Fukuhara said that he was very happy because this was the first time he had been able to talk with spoilers. (He had been on the RAIN CODE introduction live stream before RAIN CODE was released, so he had had many opportunities to talk about RAIN CODE, but this was the first time he had done so with spoilers).

The following is Kodaka's final comment, which I tried to write as accurately as possible:

"It took six years to make RAIN CODE, and as you can see from the credits, there were a lot of people involved in making RAIN CODE. I was nervous about releasing it because it was the result of so many people's efforts, and I was worried about whether how many people would like it, but I am glad that there are a lot of fans who have gathered here with such enthusiasm. I am sure that RAIN CODE will have new developments and other things to come, so please continue to support us. Thank you very much."

After the closing remarks, Shinigami's announcement began. Shinigami then asked the audience, "Did you have a great time?" and the audience responded with applause 👏👏

------

Correct answers to the RAIN CODE Maniac Quiz! :

1.✅ True. (Dominic's height is 225 cm (7'4").) 2.✅ True. (You can see this pose in the result of the second Shinigami Puzzle in Chapter4.) 3.❌ False. (It was labeled LEQUELR.)

4.❌ False. (Black is correct.) 5.❌ False. (Pink is correct.) 6.❌ False. (100kg is correct.) 7.❌ False. (5,500,800 shien is correct.)

How many questions did you get right? I got the third question wrong and dropped out 😝 (In a post-event interview in the media, Kodaka said he did not know the correct answer from the first question. lol)

This is the end of the daytime program!

Next:

[misc-obeyme]

In-Game?

Okay next in the daily chat series is this one featuring Leviathan!

"But CC," you may be saying, "didn't you already post a daily chat story with Levi?"

Yes, I did a while ago. But then I deleted it. So if you saw that and were confused, I'm sorry! The problem is Levi lol. No, but seriously, I didn't like how that story turned out, so I decided to delete it and try again with a different chat. I find I sometimes have trouble writing Levi's character and honestly I think it's because his anxiety really hits close to home?? I mean, in the game, it's really not that bad. He just gets nervous sometimes when MC gets romantic and out in crowds of normies lol. But I've been dealing with anxiety (social anxiety specifically) for my entire life, so I tend to overthink it when I write a character with a similar affliction. I think I write the character's anxiety more like my own, which makes it feel too OOC to me. BUT I think I did okay this time, so here it is, attempt number two!

GN!MC x Leviathan

Warnings: none!

LEVIATHAN: Where did I go wrong? For Memory Kiss 2. Ugh, I got the bad ending.

MC: Want to replay it together?

LEVIATHAN: Sure! I just need Suzu-chan's happy ending… … and Shiro-chan's true ending. When you come, bring some drinks. Thanks!

It had all been going just fine. You had brought a few cans of devil crush super spicy mango juice to Levi's room. He had already started up the game Memory Kiss 2, prepared to play through it with you.

You just hadn't anticipated how awkward playing a dating sim together had the potential to be. Now you were sitting next to Levi on the floor of his room, blushing to your roots as the character on the screen swooned at one of your suggested dialogue options. You were both surprised that this option had worked.

Moments ago, Levi had expressed his doubt about it. "That line's just too flirty!" he said. "Suzu-chan will probably be offended that you're being so bold!"

"No way," you disagreed. "It's a great line."

"Why do you think that?" Levi asked.

"It would work on me," you said.

Levi had spluttered at you, unable to respond properly to this revelation. Despite his anxiety at what you just said, he managed to choose the dialogue option in question.

You both watch in stunned silence as Suzu-chan reacted with a multitude of little hearts.

You were embarrassed now because you actually thought Levi was right. It was an overly flirty option. But sometimes it was nice to hear something bold, something that left no room for uncertainty, something that indicated the person you were talking to wasn't just slightly interested, but actually wanted you.

The fact that this video game character seemed to agree with that assessment was pretty embarrassing.

"Y-you were right," Levi managed to say.

You cleared your throat and tried to brush it off. "Of course I was right," you said.

Levi put down his controller. He wouldn't look at you. "B-but you're nothing like Suzu-chan," he said. "And you said…"

"I know what I said," you interrupted, mostly because you didn't think you could stand it if he repeated what you had said. "Suzu-chan is a video game character, Levi. She has a programmed personality. Real people are more complicated. And I… well, I…"

Levi turned to you suddenly, grabbing both of your hands and squeezing them. He still couldn't quite look you in the eye. "Do you want me to start staying stuff like that? This sort of… Asmo-like stuff?!"

You laughed. "I don't know if I could take you seriously if you tried doing that."

Levi drooped a little. "Yeah, it would be more funny than anything, huh?"

"I just want you to be yourself, Levi," you said, watching him smile and blush at this comment.

You let go of his hands and picked up the controller. You had a feeling about what was coming next in the game, so you pressed through some of the remaining dialogue until a new set of options came up.

You selected one of the options, letting the game highlight it without actually choosing it yet. You put the controller back in Levi's hands.

"I want this from you far more than any flirty line," you said softly into his ear, leaning in close to him.

Levi froze at first, his eyes on the screen. You had highlighted the option that said only kiss me.

But then he seemed to gather up his confidence. He hit the button on the controller, choosing to kiss the character, who reacted with a sweet little kiss sound. But Levi wasn't looking at the screen anymore. The controller was abandoned on the floor as his arms circled around your waist, pulling you close.

You could tell that he was still nervous - a slight shake in his touch, the light blush on his cheeks, the way he kept his eyes closed - but he still leaned in to press his lips to yours.

Levi always started off timid, but with a little encouragement, he lost himself enough to let go of that anxiety. So you kissed him back, putting your arms around him and clutching onto his shirt as you pulled him closer to you.

Sure enough, this was all Levi needed. His response was to become needy, arms tightening around you, his movements more desperate, even a gentle nip at your bottom lip.

You pulled away just enough to whisper in his ear. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to distract you like this. What about the game?"

Levi made a low noise in his throat, half groan, half growl. "MC, for once I don't care about the game. Right now, real life is way better."

You laughed because this actually meant a lot coming from Levi. You kissed him again and he was ready for you, both of you losing yourselves in each other while Suzu-chan displayed on the screen, forgotten.

others in this series:

Mammon | Barbatos | Solomon | Lucifer | Simeon

Asmodeus | Diavolo | Beelzebub | Belphegor | Satan

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[strugglingatart]

Jr Year ep5

This is me live blogging bc I need to get thoughts out also would love fandom friends full spoilers bellow the cut just so no one accidentally reads anything they don’t want to

oh boy here we go combat time

this is so nitpicky but I was expecting the mall set piece to be more translucent from description, still looks dope

cloe is so much bigger than i expected

Fabian refering to Riz <3

also this is so stressfull no one knows what's happening ther's a the other shoe's about to drop vibe.... ouch

Brennan really wannts them to miss the party cause wasn't it established time is the same in the mall and spyre? the have not been there for that long and there were no ppl there when they left

why does Lou keep going to tables but lmao at Brennan pulling out the box of doom I love him

Zac's serious oh you don't got cats to Ally is SO GOOD

what is happeninggggg

Murph's PAINED face at the flossing pls

"And I'm stuck with her and her minus 3 to dex" will replay in my head for a while

Zac is so smart I would have never thought that but also omg the loooreee

YES listen I'm pretty sure someone crunched the numbers and Ally doesn't get the most nat 20 but they def get them in the best times OH MY LORDS

also celebrating and immediately bumping into something is a mood

I READ THE HANDBOOK

5 attacks? we love mellee Adaine

not are you gonna hook up with Kalina looool

emily loosing it at the shrimp and Murph going this is her tactical yorbies.... i stan one (1) couple

BRENNAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Riz vocalizing what we all have been thinking

them being so dramatic at the whole Gillear related curse is so teenage coded truly masters at rp our intrepid heroes

oh shit it's armor of pride related that is actually SO INTERESTING

cloe's i suck is honestly peak comedy

Somehow I'm both Ally and Murph anytime Ally doesn't know something or didn't write something down "I don't know who did this sheet for me!"

I love how much Brennan just let's them do stuff when it's clear the care

I got a turn in about 30 minutes lol Zac

again Murph looks SOO GOOD this season

That compell duel to Kalina was badass af Riz my guyyyy and then not really flavoring it as magic just their history and conection? wooow

Adaine's portants are always so cool

listen it being that many rolls to still not make it made it SO MUCH WORSE

OMG THEY ARE TALKING TO THEMSELVES

oh they have the party at least?

OH IT'S CASSANDRAS EVIL OLDER GOD SISTER OR THAT SHIT

i am so confused this isn't a mystery Brenan wtf

I love how much the hangman likes Fig

look Riz has a point invisibility is best cause then Kristen can be there

yes a crit on the shrimp jump

they are legends

[wayward-dreamer]

After The Ticker Tape Parades

Square/s Filled: Surprise Party @anyfandomgoesbingo Custom The Boys bingo card

Pairing: Soldier Boy x unnamed female character/s

Word count: 620

Summary: Soldier Boy returns home for war to several celebrations.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, drug use, implied smut

A/N: I had posted this earlier but something messed up, don't ask me what, blame tumblr lol. This was an anon request (which got deleted as I had the drabble within the post), and I wanted to do something different with no dialogue and no reader insert. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Happy reading!

Coming home from war was quite an experience.

He wasn’t expecting the photo opportunities, the ceremonies and the ticker tape parades with crowds cheering his name, thanking him for everything that he did to serve the country, the men saluting him and the women swooning as he met their gaze with a wink and a grin. He hadn’t been gone long but fighting the Jerries had taken a lot out of him, and coming back to the warm welcome in New York had been a great thing to see after experiencing the frontlines.

Vought threw a huge event after the parade, with champagne flowing endlessly and all the food that they could offer. He shook hands with every shareholder and dignitary that had come to the party, not really caring for such formal events even before he had left. It was the after parties he had more fun at, with the rest of the supes that decided to join too. He usually only trusted his own instinct of which women to bring to the apartment after every corporate party, but he was assured by his colleagues that they had everything under control.

The ceremonies and parties had just been a front for what they were really going to get up to, the real celebration of his return being far more secretive; it hadn’t been widely advertised in fear that Vought employees would find out. The only exception went to those who didn’t mind joining the fun.

The after party had been so secretive that he even didn’t know what was planned. He was the only one who decided what drinks and more importantly, what drugs were needed and how much. This time around he had to go along with whatever they had organized, with a promise that he’d be surprised in the best way possible.

It was a far more intimate affair than Vought had planned. Not in terms of the people, because there were just about the same number, but definitely in terms of what everyone was doing. They had acquired every drug possible, some more illegal than others, drinks overflowing, the hard jazz beat echoed through the large room from the band, some people engaged each other in a jive and others surrounded the dance floor in more debaucherous activity.

As his eyes scanned the room, the sight brought a grin to his face.

With a quick shot of whiskey and snort of whatever substance he was offered, he let himself be dragged by two gorgeous blondes with all the perfect measurements past the crowd that were enjoying the music. He found a secluded spot for them, wanting to still be present at the party, but knowing the women wanted his undivided attention too. He contorted them into every position possible, their moans and screams of pleasure almost as loud as the music, but far more gratifying to him.

The party raged on until the early hours of the morning; he only came up for air a few times to grab another drink or another hit of the many drugs lined up on a table in the corner of the room. By the time he had his fill of the women (not just the two that got his initial attention), most of the people had left, a handful of stragglers left behind who were too drunk or too high to leave.

Lighting a cigarette, he stood up and walked his naked frame through the room. He smirked as he replayed the night in his mind, definitely as surprised as the rest of the supes were thinking he’d be.

For a party he had no idea about, it was definitely a better welcome home than he had imagined.

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[nancynancydrewdrewdrew]

Honestly I find the character of Colin/Justin and the way he is handled to be disgusting, especially in a game meant for young girls. When I was a kid playing the Phantom of Venice, I didn't really notice anything wrong with him, and even thought that he might have been there as a cute boy character for the fans to like, like Henry from CRY or Dave from SHA. I never LIKED him, but if you were on the message boards at the time I'm sure you remember how nearly all the Alternate Endings paired Nancy with him, and so I figured that was the function he was meant to serve in the game.

The problem that I'm seeing now playing this game as an adult (and like, honestly I've replayed it when I was an older teenager and didn't pick up on it so yikes) is that that IS what the game is treating him as. Nancy and Helena have a conversation about how he's boring, but cute, and he has an attractive air of mystery. This isn't something I'm reading into, that is literally the text of the conversation. The problem is that is absolutely NOT what he is, and so I've compiled here a list of Yikes (tm) moments that go directly against this characterization. I am going to put it under a read more bc it ended up a lot longer than I meant it bc I don't self edit and I wanna save your dashboards, but I know the clue crew likes to read lol so get ready:

1. LITERALLY your first interaction with him--he assumes Nancy shares all of his same interests because he finds her attractive, and bullies her into going along with what he wants. If she says that she is not interested (like I chose) he gets upset with her, and Nancy responds by placating him and saying that no, she actually WAS interested in tesserae! And he won't be nice until she literally begs him to show them to her. Then, after he gets what he wants, when she understandably says "that's nice but I have to go", he begins to INSULT her and once again she responds by falling over backwards to get him to like her again

This is harmful to young girls for a number of reasons, namely that a) Colin views Nancy as an object to project his own fantasies on to and becomes upset when she is a real person with her own interests, and b) It shows that NANCY is in the wrong for hurting his feelings, and it is her responsibility, not his, to make him feel better. There is something to be said for placating a dangerous situation until you can get out, but that is not the case here and Colin isn't being violent, he's just being a dick 2. He is SO UPSET at the fact that Nancy has a boyfriend! This is a point that comes up multiple times in the game, and was a jumping off point for many people on the message boards to ship him with Nancy. He has known Nancy for mere hours when he starts being pressed about this. This is not cute and romantic. This is very weird. He should not feel ownership over a girl he met so recently, and the game just treats it as a "haha, Colin is so funny" type of situation, when it is super predatory and gross.

3. The whole thing with the sausages--he gifts Nancy tainted sausages (which I fully do admit was not his intention, he was just trying to win her over with gifts which is a whole different thing I'm not getting into), and sends them with a signed card. Then, when Nancy asks about them, he lies and says it wasn't from him. Then, when Nancy points out it absolutely was, he is upset again. This whole thing is just so weird, and he acts like it's Nancy's fault for trying to figure it out rather than his fault for not telling the truth.

4.The absolute shift in his demeanor and tone when the bulb goes out in his microscope is insane. He starts yelling and berating Nancy for something completely out of her control, and when she's like it's just the bulb he's like hee hee sorry lol oopsies! Do this work for me now! And Nancy DOES it! Like that was a totally normal request after a totally normal interaction! This was annoying when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult and recognize this as an actual abusive tactic that many men use to paint themselves as still good guys while flying off the handle it leaves a really sour taste in my mouth.

5. Why does he leave the note when he leaves the Ca on Nancy's bed??? There are so many other places to put it, like his desk, her desk, the coffee table, etc... that aren't as creepy as "this guy you've known for two days is fucking around with your bed" 6. Okay Helena says he's cute and sorry bro but that is just not the case. I'm being mean here and it doesn't really have a point that aligns with the post I'm making but let me dunk on him for a second--he has fucking Justin Timberlake ramen hair that wasn't a good look when it was popular in 1999 and it certainly wasn't popular at the time the game came out. He looks like he auditioned for N*sync and got cut first round and made it his whole personality As parting thoughts, I understand that there is a degree of Nancy trying to keep her suspects happy and unsuspecting at play. What I don't love, however, is that there are multiple conversations in the game where Colin is treated as annoying, but harmless. Because to me, that sends a very dangerous message to girls about what behaviors are acceptable for men to have towards women, and how they are meant to respond. I might be blowing smoke out of my ass here, because I played this game as a kid and didn't notice anything wrong until I was an adult, so it might not be a problem. But on the other hand, I also didn't see any problem with his behavior other than, like the game says, he was kind of annoying. So do with that what you will.

Also there is a lot of gross "save the children" rhetoric these days where they pick and choose benign things to focus their anger on rather than look at things that are actually harming children, and I hope I didn't come off that way in this post. My point is, even if you take away my points about harmful messaging to kids, I think Colin is a creep lol

[petrow1tch]

Yeah so what are your thoughts on the dark ritual in DAO?

LOL ok so i'll try to give two (relatively short) answers, one is a gameplay one, and the other is how i justified in from the lore perspective with my HoF

(GAMEPLAY) The intro of the game where you gather the blood of darkspawn, yeah, the ritual of joining is shrouded in mystery, like "why we don't tell you what is the ritual? dont worry about it wink wink", so you think "hmm is there something wrong with it, what's up?"

So then you start the ritual and BAM you can die during it. One way or another. It feels like "damn ok i'm in it now, but i guess i can see why they kept it a secret, ok, now to play the game and be a hero". Suprises are seemingly over.

then BAM at the end of the game is another reveal that to kill the Archdemon you need to die with it, and, like, ok, it is a bit sudden to give that info to the player who already went through with the Landsmeet and had some plot expectations from it. It feels like a rug being swept from under your feet; and then BAM again here comes Morrigan and says "oh btw you can just not die, just let me have the baby", and, this whole part seems very rushed? Like, ok, there were supposed to be any stakes with choosing who's going to die to end the blight, and suddenly there isn't? (Thats if you're playing a male warden ofc, who can do so himself no matter who's he is in romance with, or you can try and force Alistair to sleep with Morrigan, which i'm not just a fan of. He's already eager to sacrifice himself if you say "i don't wanna die" to Riordan when he says you gotta die to kill AD so why would he agree to a ritual (that he doesn't benefit from) from an apostate (that he dislikes)? If you romance Alistair, then forcing him to sleep with Morrigan is the only choice you have to save your loved one and yourself, but again, would you force someone you love to cheat on you with a person he hates? For a ritual? That he would oppose?)

So, yeah, that whole "die to win" and dark ritual reveal was kinda badly executed IMO

now, to LORE part of why i actually don't mind using the dark ritual

People say that even from in-universe perspective it would be weird to agree to the ritual since the old god would technically still be alive and Morrigan is shady, but you know what? My HoF dgaf.

Now, let's take a look. My HoF is a male Cousland rogue, who was opposed to joining the Grey Wardens when Duncan arrived at the Highever, so that's the angle from which i'm basing my dark ritual choice. It'd be different for different origins methinks.

During Howe's massacre of the castle, Duncan presented the HoF with a "choice":

"Die here or i'll save you to conscript you into GW"

Now. I'm replaying DA2 currently, and this Duncan's offer very much reminds me of Arishok's "we give choice. they can choose to not accept qun and die or to accept the qun and live. #democracy"

So my HoF, who previously stated that he has no interest in joining Grey Wardens, feels very cheated by Duncan using HoF's life as a bargaining chip. It shouldn't have happened! First, Howe slaughtered his entire family, and now Duncan is using the moment to claim HoF's life for his own goal to add numbers to his "glorious murder-suicide" cult? That's fucked up. But HoF doesn't have much choice if he wants to live, so he accepts the offer, with main goal being survival to avenge his family and to live in spite of it all.

So, now we get to the joining, HoF meets Alistair, they gather the blood, meet Morrigan, and go back to the joining ritual. Suddenly HoF sees that you can die from the joining ritual, and from the Duncan also if you reject the joining ritual. what the fuck. Again, there's is no other choice than to accept the outcome that guarantees the bigger chance of survival. HoF goes through with the joining ritual, feeling even more disdain towards GWs.

Joining, Ostagar, saving by Flemeth. HoF and Alistair are the only GW survivors. This is where HoF was about to say "fuck it" and disappear, until Flemeth gathered his ass, after which he decided to wait with rush decisions.

While traveling with Morrigan and Alistair to Lothering, HoF had time to gather his thoughts. He learned that Alistair considered GWs to be his family, and HoF could relate to losing it all at one night, so his disdain towards GWs melted away a bit just for this one guy, who basically lived through the same experience as he did. HoF also found Morrigan interesting and could see reason in some of her actions and decisions, thus they started to form some sort of friendship.

While traveling with these two, HoF found to like Alistair not for just being someone with the same lived experience, but also for a person that he is. You could say it was love, but HoF knew that that couldn't happen, so the best he could do was to be a very good friend.

The longer they traveled, the more HoF understood Alistair's point of view on Wardens as a family, since the adventuring party themselves became some sort of found family to each other. Some of them may not like one another, but they still care for each other's well-being because at the very least, you need them to reach your own goals (committing the dark ritual; avenging the Cousland family; ending the Blight), and at best, they're the ones who you consider friend or even more.

So all this said, HoF found more and more reasons to stay alive, not anymore blinded by anger and revenge, but also for helping those he holds close to his heart. Ending the Blight transformed from being something that he was forced, almost ensalved to do, into something more of a favor for someone he loves.

After gathering all armies, HoF traveled to Denerim where he finally had the chance to kill Howe. He decided to kill everyone who ever associated themselves with Howe, anyone who ever helped him to kill Cousland's family. Be it conspirators, merchants, or even his kids. (Keeping true to his promise, HoF later killed Nathaniel immediately upon learning who he was)

At the Landsmeet, HoF was determined to help Alistair in avoiding the throne, as he wasn't as concerned with grand political scheme as he was with the Alistair's feelings. Thus Anora was made queen, Loghain was executed and Alistair happily gave up any and all rights he had to the royalty. Seemingly a happy end, now to just go to Redcliffe and slay a big evil dragon and the friend's errand is done? WRONG

HEY

GREY WARDEN

WE WANT YOU TO DIE SO FUCKING BAD

HoF and Alistair learn from Riordan that to kill an Archdemon, a warden must sacrifice himself, dying in the process.

He survived the slaughter of his family, he survived the joining, he survived the Fade, Deep Roads, ancient curses and armies of undead, just to die anyways? No. Not gonna happen. HoF will not die killing an Archdemon.

...

"I'll do it"

Facecrack of the fucking century. The man who was the only one HoF could relate to, the man who he considered his closest friend, the man he loved and went all this way for. Alistair says he will kill himself to slay the archdemon.

Without even a chance to say his word, HoF gets shut out by Riordan telling them to get ready for march to Denerim tomorrow. Coming out of the room, he is on the point of breaking apart between his will to live in spite of it all and his desire to save Alistair. There seems no other choice than to forfeit his life and sacrifice himself, that is until he happens on Morrigan in the middle of his room.

And now, now we have this picture of Morrigan suggesting HoF a dark ritual, which would save the chosen warden from untimely death and help Morrigan herself with her goal.

Of course HoF would agree to the ritual.

Of course HoF would help his friend who he had no reason to disagree with prior, fully knowing she has her secrets, but still considering her family

Of course HoF would do anything to save Alistair, whom he loves. Had he known about what it takes to kill an Archdemon, he'd force him to become a king, but alas, the "glorious murder-suicide" cult wouldn't tell all it's secrets neither to him, nor Alistair.

So HoF goes through with the ritual, and when the time comes, he leaves Alistair to defend the gates of the city, much to his surprise. HoF has one chance to do it right, and he cant afford to fuck it up even in the slightest. Doesn't matter what Alistair thinks of him, "how could the man who only yesterday refused to die to archdemon, suddnly leave me here to fight lesser battle, and go to face the dragon himself, without me". It is not important. What is important, is that HoF gonna save Alistair, and that HoF is gonna live in spite of it all.

so yeah lorewise i think dark ritual is pretty neat

[pyxis-stellae]

Hmmm so this probably barely makes sense because I'm writing this on the middle of the night and sleep deprived, but the cod: black ops brainrot is too much to handle so suffer with me. Spoilers from the Black Ops series bellow the cut!

I'm replaying COD: Cold War and I came to the realization of how dangerously close the team came to have a mole (besides Bell on the Duga ending) between them.

Because, you know, Perseus used a sleeper agent from Dragovich's little science project from BO1, and if the extremely specific sequency (but isn't that's why we make fanfic anyways?) of events needed to let him know who formed the team, he could've used Mason.

In the introduction to the "Echoes of the cold war" mission, when Mason asks to go, someone (can't remember if it's Adler or Hudson now) says he's too deep into the problem. We know Mason isn't fully clean from the brainwashing, as shown with the numbers he sees when interacting with the Soviet corpses in Yamatau in this mission, and also by how he needs to resist the urge to shoot Kravchenko during the interrogation in BO2, so he could be used somehow.

I'm just saying things could have gone to shit so damn early, because assuming sleeper agents can receive new orders (not sure about this, but considering how Perseus managed to get that one scientist to Cuba, I don't doubt it), and that not many people on the team would notice Mason acting off (maybe Hudson and Woods, but the rest would most likely brush it off), I think it's very possible.

I know it wasn't nowhere near the first objective, however let's pull off the very specific sequency of events again, and assume Perseus somehow knew where and with who his agent (Bell) was, and also assume he wanted them back. What better way to do it than have someone on the inside? Someone everyone trusts, and "oh yeah he's acting weird but it's just how he is, Vorkuta fucked him up a bit"... But it's far worse.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with this concept, but I needed to share with y'all lol

[alitgblog]

volume ix thoughts wooooo we're out of casa

first off, return of a legend: the beach hut

i was fully expecting the compatibility test to be more like the season 1 compatibility test with the zodiacs because that's fun but i guess that's less of a pot stirrer than a fun game to have. though the narrator poking fun at it i guess is making fun of the fandom for thinking it was gonna be horoscopes 🤣

so very obvious ass test though especially with the two answers only about the two guys you're pursuing, which I think is a missed opportunity to throw more lore about the guys in there. or at least make it not as obvious? really goes to show how surface level the characters are compared to, say, the Mr. and Mrs. Challenge towards the end of S2

I'm going for Jin and Max rn so I thought it was funny their personalities were boiled down to "funny" vs "extroverted" and my MC had to pick between the two as if they were mutually exclusive

anyway just nearly got Jin lmao

I'd like them to stop with the Claudia/Theo storyline because it feels like they've already decided they're done with each other and are ready to move on? However, Claudia being compatible with Theo on paper but like not really feeling it is an interesting idea. Like she feels she's got no other option to stay safe except for him and they like each other enough. Meanwhile Bea's settling for Liam because he's shown any interest in her at all. (Let them date each other if MC can't! They deserve better!!)

also I know that I joked about Theo being just some mildly attractive white guy to fawn over and settle for but the way that Claudia is just settling for him? actually upsetting like I'm so sorry, Theo 😟 I didn't mean it I thought he was fine after the first dates 😖

Hari mention! I was pretty sure the game forgot about him lmao

anyway the compatibility thing still doesn't make the most sense because like,,, why did all the guys get the Villa girls and none of the casa girls? I just think we should stir up some shit. I know it's annoying but it is the perfect opportunity to try to make Emel angry at Oakley again by saying he's most compatible with some casa girl. And she can show growth by not getting upset this time.

idk why but Kyle's poem to Emel is giving wannabe rap crew vibes (i.e. I'm missing S1 I'll take what I can get). Also, Claudia said he's giving game player vibes?? I'm actually so upset with how the LI's are all interchangeable because simply this cannot be the same Kyle y'all are fawning over (it's not 😭)

I'm kind of curious what it's like replaying on a straight route bc personally my heart hurts every time they show Claudia's little sad face but like I have to talk to Max it just makes more sense because MC can't couple with Claudia in stick or twist

Close your eyes and pick at random is actually hilarious as an option for stick or twist and I almost did it

i've already said my piece about Sienna, I love her design. I will admit though, her open mouth smile is a little stilted but people get botox so... not out of the ordinary lol. The bigger problem is how her hand on her hip is a little fucked up (color in between the lines, fusebox!)

as someone not on a Theo route, I really don't understand why he's sticking with Claudia unless he's got some personal turmoil he's working through and trying to actually reform his player ways. And I wish MC could talk to him as a friend and we'd see that. like in the way S2, you get to know Rocco's insecurity about never finishing university and Gary's anxiety even if you aren't on their routes

Anyway I'm still upset at the forcing MC to couple because she's single thing. They could've still had her coupled with Jin (or even with Hari it would work) and then she can either walk in single or with a casa boy. And then she's the main character: just say that the single islanders don't get dumped post casa (like it's SUPPOSED to be) because in that situation, she's the only one! Or if you need the numbers to be right, literally Emel is right there. She can come back to Oakley later if anything

still not the best stick or twist could've gone in terms of drama (or maybe that's just bc I've been looking at spoilers), but compared to S5-6, not too bad (I assume also s7 but tbh I did stop right at stick or twist for that season)

So fyi when I played Casa, I had my MC go for Shawn most of it, and then last minute switched to Max because I remembered she's a musician and I thought that would be cute. That being said, I wish it was like in the too hot to handle game where you unlock certain dialogue if you happen to have something in common with a character. Because why is Max explaining music stuff to my musician MC?

is Hari not an LI? Because they made him seem like one and then just all of a sudden we're not talking about him, it's only about Jin and Casa Boy. And I'm fine with not all the boys being LIs, but it is odd the way he's just shoved to the side in the story

Okay so I'm writing this as I'm playing and it seems like maybe he is. They just forget to mention him most of the time.

Hari and Hazel are a hot couple though. like I don't love Hari's design but like if he was drawn better?? I see it.

the swimming game is a fun idea but imagining everyone splashing around to get to MC is so funny. like I can hear it in my head and it's not the best game, but for the fictional game in the app it's fine.

although why tf is Theo suddenly interested in MC? I haven't been romancing him at all but for the chat at the pool I couldn't decide between any of the characters I'm actually kind of interested in so I had MC go talk to Theo and then he was also flirting? then the pool game he also thinks MC has the best chat?? sir I barely know you

omg not emel deflecting the drama to Claudia (and it's about her hookup with MC???) oof this is the drama I crave I think we're gonna need a movie night soon

so not too bad yet I just hope these storylines can come through!!

[storyofmychoices]

The beginning of 2024 had definitely already brought it's share of challenges for me, but I'm hoping that maybe things will still be improving from here! Thinking positive!

Writing Goals

Where to even begin? I have probably 100+ WIP ranging from a scribbled idea on a post it to an outline that needs to be typed. I'd like to put a dent in that? So far each year, that list keeps growing instead of shrinking. I find that I'm more of the in the moment writer. It's all or nothing. Either I finish a piece in one sitting or it never gets done. I'd like to try to find more of a balance in 2024.

In a perfect world, here are some stories I'd like to complete:

Mal's proposal: I started this fic last February, and would really like to actually write it. I have art for it. I don't know what I'm waiting for, especially now that I have their Blades 2 AU proposal done 🙈

Laser Tag with Brylivia: This is just a short little drabble that I think is like 75% written. It's from 2 years ago. I really have NO excuses lol

Love and Scotch: This series fell away when I stoped writing Ethan (for a number of reasons). I'd love to finish this series. I had several more chapters planned but I might just skip some and at least get to what I envisioned as "the end" aka Thomas and Alex's HWU AU wedding and a big turning point for Ethan and Ellie.

#HollywoodHacks: Does anyone even care about this series? Anyone even remember it? I feel like no. I was really only writing it for 1 person, but they're not in the fandom anymore...It might not be the ending I'd planned or wanted, but I think I could wrap the series in 1 or 2 (tops) more chapters. I had hoped that the story would lead to me writing more for Ben Parks and my #LoveHacks MC but that never happened

Tipsy Nia x Daenarya: an anon requested tipsy Nia hitting on Daenarya and I started it but then never finished it. It's such a small drabble it seems silly to even include it here, but here we are!

Blades 2 AU: At the start of Blades 2 I was doing a great job keeping up with the book and rewriting the chapters to fit my vision for the characters. That kinda fell apart around Chapter 5. I'd like to finish that rewrite and see how Iliana fits into how the rest of the book happened. Last I wrote, Daenarya didn't even know she was pregnant.

Rayden and Lydo's Adoption: Mal and Daenarya have already decided to adopt them. I've also written them as a family. But, I've never written the actual story of Mal and Daenarya telling the boys they were adopting them and they'd be a family forever, so I'd love to do that!

Pairings I'd like to write more of in 2024:

Thomas and Alex: I used to publish 1 new story a day when I first started writing them. It lasted over a year, then it gradually decreased. Last year, I only wrote them 10 times! I know the lack of interactions with their stories, has definitely made me want to share less and just enjoy daydreaming for them, but still, I'd like to keep their story going, regardless of interactions, because they are so special to me. Plus, if I could wrap those two series above that they're in, that would definitely lift my RCD/HWU fic count for the year!

Nyx x Aerin: I LOVE NYX! NYX is incredible and I love love love them. Aerin is kinda fun too. I would love to develop these two more this year.

Trystan and Lilah: I've only written them a few times and I'd like to get to know them better

Beckett and Emma: I haven't written them in a long time and when I did write them it was for 1 particular series (them in Detention). With the Book Club replaying TE, I'm hoping I might be inspired to see what they're like outside of the library.

Troy and Astraea: I love these two but I haven't had time to explore them more. I don't think I'll have time to participate in the group reread right now, but I would still like to reread WTD at some point this year and keep developing them.

Daenarya x Maiele (@lilyoffandoms) + Mal x Tyril: In 2023, Lily and I started to develop these relationships more. I loved every second of that and I hope 2024 will bring us more of these four lovely characters.

Mal's Orphanage: Blades 2 destroyed the orphanage storyline. If PB wanted to steal it they should have done a better job of it. Like there was literally no point in them having that storyline since they abandoned it the first chance they got. I'd like to fix the Blades 2 orphanage storyline but then go back to focusing on my original orphanage because those children are my favorite.

Other Goals

Catch up on reading and be a more active reader

Follow and support new Choices accounts

Continue with the book club and other events I host but find a balance with hosting that I still have time to create and read/support others

Try my hand at drawing again. I had been drawing chibi's a while back and I haven't had time/the courage to try again, but @lilyoffandoms's incredible art journey this month has inspired me to add it to my list this year

Keep editing Aerin in the sluttiest Choices outfits I can find

Flesh out more of Olivia's pediatric practice and how she transitions from Edenbrook to Sunshine Pediatrics

Be kind to myself and let myself rest when I need it. I am my biggest critic and if you ask me what I'm good at, I'd say nothing and I would tell you everything wrong with anything I've ever done, including all of my pairings. I see the mistakes and I want to let myself see the good and focus on only that this year.

[royalarms]

GET TO KNOW THE WRITER .

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? i love noctis . final fantasy xv is my favorite game of all time and i've put ungodly hours into it , but fun fact ! i actually wrote prompto from 2016-2020/2021ish ( i dont remember haha ) but immediately the game became my favorite final fantasy game , and then eventually topped my passion for kingdom hearts and crisis core and just . became my number one . i still wanted a way to experience and express my love for it , but my personality had shifted sooo much over the past several years and prompto just didn't fit for me anymore , so i opted for noctis . gave him a go and ended up connecting with him on a level i would have never though LOL . i've always really really loved and enjoyed his character but writing a protagonist always gave me the willies so i never ventured into it . now im stuck here .

is there anything you don’t like to write? there are several things i WON'T write , but i don't know if there's anything i particularly dislike . i feel like if i have the right writing partner we can make most anything fun .

is there anything you really enjoy writing? i love writing things i've never written before ! new characters , new interactions , cool plots i've never written out , etc . i like to keep it exciting .

do you write in silence or do you play music? i either listen to lyricless music or write in silence . every once in awhile i can write with songs with lyrics on but it has to be really quiet . i'll turn on my character playlists in those moments , but i honestly think i do my best writing in silence .

do you plan your replies or wing them? both ! i don't have an explanation here , it just depends on the thread and the plot (if any) and when and how inspiration strikes .

do you enjoy shipping? yes . as long as the age gap isn't weird or intense toxicity is going on , i'm USUALLY down for most things :)

what’s your alias/name? aster >:) age? 25 birthday? march 29 favorite color? red ! favorite song? ohhh shoot . i love linkin park for my favorite band , but favorite SONG ? let me check my most replayed on spotify LOL . um. scatterbrain by kxllswxtch , voices in my head by falling in reverse , and numb by the used 💀 all of them are negative tw if anyone wants to listen last movie you watched? i literally do not know , i don't watch a lot of movies last show you watched? the wit/cher last song you listened to? listening to squishy caterpillars riding on bullets by istasha ( negative n drug tw ) ............. favorite food? curry and adobo :) favorite season? spring ! do you have a tumblr best friend? i dont love the phrase "tumblr best friend" idk what that entails but i have three ppl i love dearly and talk to a lot ! @otlaw , @starshcwer , @onegil ❤️❤️❤️

tagged by: i stole thisss

tagging : you should steal it too :)

[bhaalbaaby]

Title: a pearl (2159 words) Pairing: astarion/tav Warnings: physical/sexual/mental/emotional abuse A/N: lol so i redid the end of astarion's mission and made him good again so i could redo missions i saved over lol but in the process, i found that you don't have to sleep with astarion in the graveyard and they could just be together which made my heart burst, even more, tbh ;-; so i wrote about what they did instead. it is traumatic because of everything astarion went through and with my tav's backstory. so a lot of warnings. 

Read on AO3!

They stayed in the graveyard all night, her head carefully tucked in his arm as he stares up at the sky. He doesn't sleep or meditate. His mind replays all two hundred years, all the spawn he brought back to Cazador, the abuse. He remembers each person and the charm he used to bring them back. The number of times he slept with people just so he could have a moment of reprieve once he went back to the palace. He enjoyed it in the beginning, but…

He glances down at Sarnarei, her face so calm in the dream realm. He regrets being her first. She should have been with someone who cared. He cared enough to make sure she wasn't hurting, physically, but that's all. If they tried again now…

Her smile replays in his memories as she takes his hands. "We can just stay here and just be together."

Her words soothe him. Yes, he wanted to sleep with her after their physical break, but to just be with her. It eases his heart that she didn't want to go back into being physical right after the heavy day they shared.

She kisses his cheek, swiping her thumb over it as she sits back. "When we're free of this affliction, where do you want to go first?" She asks, squeezing his hand.

He swallows hard, looking at the grave. "Back to the night time I suppose. I may go to the Underdark where my siblings will be." She nods as she listens, her thumb rubbing patterns on his wrist. "How about you?" He asks their voices just above a whisper.

Sarnarei's brows quirk down as she shrugs, "This is as much adventure as my life will get I think. I'd want to be with you though."

He can't meet her gaze as he shakes his head. "Don't live your life thinking about me, Sarnarei."

She giggles, moving closer to him, "If the mind flayer never captured me, I'd be a boring book shop owner's wife. In a boring marriage out of safety." She shrugs, "Maybe I'd want to go on another adventure eventually, but I want to spend my time with you."

He laughs softly, "A boring marriage out of safety doesn't sound boring, Sarnarei." He would much rather hear her backstory than dwell on his. His eyes plead with her to share as he sits back, resting on his arms. She stays where she is, running her fingers over her curved horns.

"I want to know more about you. I apologize for never asking about your past and shunning you before."

The corners of her mouth perk up as she tucks her hair behind her ear. "You're fine, Astarion. I shouldn't have brought it up in the beginning like I did."

Astarion's brows furrow as she goes into her apologies, something he recognized as a deflection from trauma. It manifested in his sister, Dal. He leans over, bringing her closer to him. "I want to know. Tell me all about you Sarnarei. More than I already know." He stares up at the starless sky as she glances up at him.

"You already know I lost my mother at a young age like Yenna, and that my father gave me to a strong Wizard in Baldur's Gate, hoping I could get my magic under control. I never found out what happened to him. I don't know if I want to find out. Lord Verbuyst died a few months later and I was left to the Lady."

She scratches her head as she shrugs, "I still don't know if I was supposed to stay. Sometimes I am grateful because then I would have had to fend for myself in an unknown city barely thirteen." She frowns as she continues. "At first I was just a maid, cleaning after everyone and treated like I was invisible to her until I made mistakes. She would come up with harsh punishments."

Her hands go up to her horns as she nibbles her bottom lip. "She wanted to shave my horns once, but her children saved me from that." Astarion's eyes widen as he listens. "It was for something minor. I accidentally made her bath water too hot because my magic wasn't under control. She didn't get burns or anything, just shocked and upset."

She swallows hard as she sits up, making space between the two. "It got more intense as I got older. The Lady was so scared about getting old and looking old. She wanted to try blood magic, but I didn't want to learn it. She called me good for nothing and invited weird shaman over almost every week once the children went to sleep. I only knew because she used me as bait. A young beautiful Tiefling they could do whatever they wanted to in exchange for making her younger."

His heart sinks as she grips some grass under her fingertips, her exhale shaky as she looks away. "They never slept with me, but with my hands… My mouth. And then they'd prick me and draw so much blood. It was all pseudo-magic. I could tell, but I'd lie so she wouldn't invite them over. But she'd see a new wrinkle, a new sag, and then the shaman was back. Molest me, bleed me dry, and lie." Astarion sits up, trying to shake the anger and rage at this woman he'll never know.

"It went on until her eldest son found out because he came home late one evening and saw the strange man trying to go further with me, saying I needed to make the perfect sacrifice of my virginity to him so My Lady could be young forever." She wipes rogue tears from her eyes, shaking her head. "I was like seventeen when it stopped. She didn't stop seeing that man though. She just stopped having me around. She started looking for more help, specifically younger girls, but they never stayed long… I don't know what happened to them. I stayed, however. I didn't know where to go. I did run away, but she sent bounty hunters after me and threatened to kill me. I ran away a year ago for the final time."

She laughs softly as she sniffs. "I can't believe I stayed for so long. For over ten years. I know that's not as long as centuries for you, but Tieflings don't live long like elves or even half-elves." She whispers.

Astarion interjects, shaking his head. "I'm sorry you went through that. I do have to ask, why did you let me bite you? Why do you let me bite you?"

She winces as she shrugs, "I need you strong so we can fight. I also was used to it. My blood being used for something other than staying in my veins."

He takes her hands in his, "You listened to me, made sure I didn't do anything that made me uncomfortable. But I want to make sure you're not doing anything that makes you uncomfortable."

She smiles up at him, "You've never made me uncomfortable. Especially since we've not had sex afterward." She whispers before quickly adding. "I did enjoy it though. I think I would again."

She removes her hand from his as she continues with her story. "I found my friend at his bookstore in the upper city. He's a Drow but could pass as a regular elf. He kept me hidden and offered to give me another name. We'd be married and if she came to find me, he'd be able to protect me since I would be his wife, no longer tied to my Lady… He proposed this to me the night I was taken. I told him I needed to think and then…" She rubs her forehead.

"Would you marry him?" Astarion asks, trying to read her expression.

She sighs, shaking her head. "I never loved him like a wife is supposed to. I would have been trapped even if he meant well." Sarnarei pats her cheeks as she finally looks up at him. "So that's the story of mine. I don't have anything in this city to keep me. I am free to come with you wherever you would like, my love."

Her story resonates with him as the quiet night continues as they move on to the future. "I bet we could get a nice little home near the Myconid Colony." Sarnarei muses, remembering how beautiful the Myconid Colony was.

Astarion frowns, "I'm sure we could find somewhere else." He scratches his head as he sighs, "I wish we could stay in the city. I will miss it." He says with a wistful look.

"Hmm, maybe we could stay in the city, even though you'd have to stay away from the sun."

"You are so adorable when you're coming up with solutions." He says, touching her cheek. "We'll figure it out, I am sure. Besides, we'll have to figure out what you can do."

A blush comes to her cheeks as she shrugs, "I feel like people will want me to be a leader of some sort. They'll want me to help rebuild. I'm just a random Tiefling."

"You're my random Tiefling. And you are much more than that. Not many people are willing to face the Dead Three and an Elder Brain." She waves away his statement away. "I've barely faced one of them. We still have Gortash and Orin. And the Brain." She rubs her forehead and sighs, quietly adding, "And the mind flayer in our brain."

Astarion laughs, bringing her closer. "I believe in you. You're the only person I trust with handling all of this. You're intelligent, strong, quick-witted." She carefully hides her face in his chest, mindful of her horns. "You're going to take all of these compliments, darling. You're an inspiration to a whole entire generation. I don't care about children, but I see the way the Tiefling children see you. I see the way you care about them. They want to be strong like you. I want to be strong like you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Gods, who knows where I would be if you didn't give me a chance back on the beach." She scrunches up her face, making his odes continue, "You are the rock that we all depend on. You keep us all together…" He pauses, lifting her face to his. "I want to be the one you can lean on when it gets too tough."

She smiles, before accepting his gentle kiss, feeling so tired. "You already are… Should we stay here for the night or go back?" She asks, glancing at the tombstone, today's date etched over his birth.

"We can go back if you want. You're looking quite tired."

She snuggles close to him as she nods, "Okay. We can go back in a moment. I just need to rest for a little bit." He lets her fall asleep, wishing he could join her.

------------------------------

He carries her back to the bar and inn seeing the sky starting to turn blue at the first light. Gale is on night watch tonight, letting them in. "Fun night?" He asks, smirking. Astarion ignores him as he gently puts Sarnarei on the bed.

"When you fell in love with Mystra, how did you know you wanted to steal a Netherese artifact?"

Gale scoffs, stuttering as he crosses his arms. "I just wanted to prove myself worthy of her affection, but before you do anything rash, Sarnarei doesn't need any of that. She may be a goddess among us with questionable taste in lovers, but she doesn't need anything huge and over the top. No one really does even if we feel it in our bones." He pauses as Astarion gently closes her doors.

"I don't feel worthy of her affection," Astarion says to the wizard, the two going to their beds.

"Well, I recommend taking your time with her. That's where I messed up I think. She's beautiful. I wanted to capture her affection and keep it for myself. Misguided, but I see how much happier she is with you, and Halsin to a degree. Once the tadpoles and the Absolute are dealt with, you'll know what your next steps will be. And in the meantime, just enjoy each other. You have plenty of time to show yourself that you're worthy." Gale sits across from him as Astarion takes in the advice.

"Thank you, Gale. For the advice."

Gale smiles as he puts his hand for Astarion to shake. "In the battle of love, you were a great opponent. I wish you two nothing but the best."

Astarion shakes his hand, rolling his eyes, "Hardly a battle, but I'm glad you accept defeat." He replies cheekily as he rests back in his bed, wishing he was cuddling Sarnarei instead. He takes a deep breath, feeling so much lighter. He is free.