#but the dialogue structures had me baffled

[averwonders]

I have thoughts about that one particular scene from Ae Watan, Mere Watan (2024) towards the end of the movie when Usha and Fahad have to decide on who will make the ultimate sacrifice of running the radio for the final time.

[radiation]

Video games talk dont even mind me

Bro video games as a whole are so far behind movies in terms of storytelling and pacing that it’s kind of baffling. Which of course is obvious and makes sense for plenty of reasons but like, just think about it — watching movies a lot can’t help but train a certain muscle that gives you a strong instinct for structure. I find that people who watch movies very casually, without too much artistic consideration, and don’t really know the language associated with it are still very often irked by specific issues with a movie’s pacing, dialogue, etc and are relatively capable of putting it into words. Likewise, for many movies out there, regardless of your opinions on any specific directorial choices, you do feel as if the movie is essentially cohesive and creatives involved reasonably knew what they were doing and were acting very intentionally, and there weren’t any major oversights. This includes independent films as well. Meanwhile I think both players and developers much more commonly lack the instinct for narrative cohesion when it comes to video games. Definitely a fair amount of exceptions to this, but in general I find it’s difficult to find video games that are very narrative heavy & aspire to great artistic heights that don’t suffer from inherent structural problems, pedantic dialogue, tons of dead air, etc in a way that wouldn’t slide as easily in a movie. A lot these flaws certainly have to be due to the presence of gameplay elements and having to balance that with story when the two are almost always, at least in some small respect, inherently at odds. As for the inability for devs and players to pick up on / fix these flaws…is it because gameplay can distract from it and make up for it? With longer games that have runtimes closer to the experience of a television series, is there a similar reaction where if it’s long enough you will sit thru smaller, momentary issues because you enjoy the bigger picture? Yet games are a lot more engaging than a show as a audio, visual, and tactile experience, you can’t multitask and tune the information out as easily as with a boring episode of a show, so you’d think people would be more picky? But maybe because it’s so attention-demanding people are more immersed, and believe in the experience enough to more easily accept the story? Books demand the same kind of active attention to experience though, and the bar for story in books is a lot higher, so what gives? Well a lot of these have kind of obvious answers but still Interesting questions to ask that lead to Damn , That Is Still Crazy How Much This Shit Is In Its Infancy like sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy with how many writing issues are present in games, particularly in indie games that are Trying To Be Good At Writing that feel excessively obvious and yet I often struggle to find my sentiment mirrored by others. IDK. And back to movies the thing is I feel like if the same people trying to write these kind of games had pursued movies instead then they would’ve ended up making well structured movies that avoided all of these pitfalls. WHAT IS IT WITH GAMES? Well we know what it is with games and we could spend all day discussing a million more reasons this is the way it is but no matter what I think we should just be super conscientious of these pitfalls when making narrative focused games and aspire to a greater level of intentionality that is absolutely possible . Build that muscle by really understanding the quality of storytelling long-present in other mediums.Well the other issue with indie devs is that everyone believes they are totally breaking new ground story wise that they don’t take a step back, humble themselves a bit, and cross-reference what they’re doing with the tons of other stories that have already achieved similar things But thats a conversation for another day .

[ghostradiodylan]

In general Ryan gets so mistreated and overhated by the fandom and it makes me sad because I really like Ryan even in my first playthrough :/ I get that the part where he was arguing with Laura about the existence of werewolves when he watched Nick transform and run out the window was kind of dumb but he’s all around a great character who’s brave and helpful and he helped save everyone’s lives in the best ending….

While I don’t agree with all of their actions I can’t bring myself to hate on any of the counselors. They’re all young adults who are stuck in a horrifying and traumatic situation, of course they’re going to be flawed and not perfect. It just baffles me how Travis, Constance, Jedidiah and Eliza do the most horrible things in the game yet people viciously hate on Ryan : (

Oh, the actual adults in the game are absolutely The Worst. (Even Chris, though I think he wants to help, is incredibly negligent at best).

I think there are a few things happening here that can turn people against Ryan (and I'm not saying anyone has to like him as a character, we all have characters we vibe with and ones we don't, but it's worth examining why we don't vibe with some characters especially when those characters are Black or other POC, LGBTQ, and ND-coded).

Ryan is a victim of some of the less compelling writing choices in the game IMO. They don't have anything to do with his character, really, he's generally well-written, but some of the things that were cut from the game, and the way the relationships unravel in the latter half of the game does Ryan kind of dirty.

First of all, his relationship with Chris Hackett isn't fleshed out enough for a lot of players to understand why he's willing to sacrifice so much on the hope that his mentor isn't actually a werewolf (or a deeply irresponsible asshole of a boss). If they'd left in the scene of Chris following up with Ryan about following his dreams and going to animation school and the initial confrontation with Chris that was patched out, where Ryan questions how he hid this from them all this time when he cared about them and Ryan trusted him (literally heartbreaking to watch tbh 🥺), it might have been a little easier for players to empathize with his loyalty to Chris. This kid has no known father, absentee mother, aging grandparents, a sister he clearly feels a lot of responsibility for, and his father figure who he goes to for advice left him in the worst possible situation. Of course he's going to be in denial about that and about him being a werewolf until he sees it for himself, and then Ryan has to kill him. It's so fucking tragic. And he doesn't even get a second to mourn or even react because the Silas plotline kicks in immediately (and they spent all the animated tears budget on Jacob).

Then there's Ryan's relationship with Dylan, which I could (and will) write about for days. Based on the game we got, plus the cut content, I don't think Ryan was ever supposed to have the option to get with Kaitlyn. I think that's a red herring that allows homophobic players to avoid a gay kiss (kind of a fucked up use of a BAMF character and Brenda Song's star power but, ok). I don't think he was ever supposed to get to romance Laura either. But I do think he was meant to be able to either end up with Dylan, or decisively not end up with him. If they'd kept the relationship system that we still have traces of but no actual structure for, then his ability to say 'maybe neither' to Laura wouldn't be something players held against him because it would have a basis in the choices we've made as Ryan (and Dylan) so far. As it stands, it feels like that is unsupported by what's happened in the game when we've had Dylan and Ryan flirting with each other and taking an obvious interest in each other since they were introduced.

Even if you choose the less favorable dialogue options, Dylan and Ryan are never really shown to be truly at odds (with the possible exception of the gun argument, but even that pretty much smooths over in the end). Even if you have them be hard-headed assholes to each other, they still have their heart-to-heart on the way to the radio hut (which I really think was supposed to have an alternative if they had low relationship stats).

Complicating matters is the fact that a lot of people really love Dylan. Obviously I'm one of them, I mean, look at my url and writing choices. I think Miles gives the best performance of the game, hands down (and I think all the actors did really well tbh). He's a great actor (his line reads are flawless and that sassy boy body language? I die.) but he also gets a lot to work with in terms of the script. Dylan is complex and compelling in a way that tends to be highly relatable for most people. He's probably neurodivergent (ADHD) but it's portrayed in a more palatable way for neurotypical people. Plus, as an audience, we are primed to empathize with the person who wants to be wanted, who is afraid of rejection, who has the cute crush that we want to see reciprocated and is trying not to get their heart stomped on. We've all been there! That's a centuries-old trope in drama and literature for a reason. And while Ryan does not owe Dylan reciprocation, we see some pretty clear signs of it at least being possible. So the game sort of dangles it in front of players like we can make that happen with our choices and then makes a half-baked attempt to snatch it away. That annoys people and, I think at least partially because Ryan's race and stoic demeanor (/autism) have people subconsciously primed to view him negatively, they take that out on him instead of the SMG writers who opted for that rather than fleshing out the relationships any further for the latter half of the game.

Like, yes, it's a horror game not a dating sim (Ryan and Dylan dating sim DLC when tho??), but you spend so much time building relationships that end up not mattering to the outcome of the game, I get why that's frustrating for people. It's frustrating for me! I just think being mad at Ryan over it is the wrong take. I still see people saying "Dylan deserves better than Ryan." Dylan and Ryan both deserve to exist in a finished fucking game where we have the option to get them together or not, but blaming whatever happens, or doesn't, on Ryan as a character is kinda trash.

[inklores]

miguel o'hara── a study in security

it's really funny how most of my finals this quarter have me reading so many pieces that relate with the fics i'm writing and the characters i have brainrot over. i'm reading chapter 6 of eva illouz's book, "why love hurts," and the section about how love and security can't always co-exist hit me... because that is exactly how miguel o'hara regulates his life and shapes his influence within the spider-society.

"Security is often seen as incompatible with passion, or even as leading to its demise. But I would argue that this need for “security” and/or for “adventure” is not an invariant constituent of the psyche; or if it is, then security and adventure take on changing shapes in different cultural structures. They are also outcomes of the social organization of the psyche. Security derives from the capacity to control and to predict one’s environment; adventure, by contrast, derives from feeling challenged, either in one’s social identity or in the ways in which one knows how to do things." (Illouz, 219).

rewatching atsv and i notice just how locked and authoritative miguel runs his facility. micromanaged down to the knick-knacks hobie swipes. the differences in lighting and color theory with how miles & the gang associate with different spider-people, being lit in white and warm shades... then we meet miguel and he is in pitch dark with reddish and deep blue undertones. his character design is similar to the spot, where the sketch design is still visible amidst the rendering and coloring. this color palette carries with him and it sucks all his interactions in with it. from berating gwen after miles escapes to watching archival footage of his daughter, it's so deeply rooted that breaking out of that sphere will quite literally destroy what little he already has left and what he managed to preserve.

the man is STRESSED. we see that from his design to his dialogue. he believes he is single-handedly keeping the multiverse together and he expresses it multiple times. he thinks he can't have comfort and duty at the same time, believing that is what it means to be spider-man. it takes away his humor too, pointed out by peter b. when he says all spider-men are supposed to be funny. the only time he really shows any sort of wit is when he interacts with lyla and maybe jess, but even then, it's so dry and sarcastic. (save his interaction with baby mayday bc that man is also a father.)

but he's "okay" with this great responsibility. this is his security because it's what he's able to control when once, he wasn't able to control anything and it left him so badly wounded that it isolated any possibility of change or evolution for the order of things. when miles left, he shouted, "ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS LISTEN!" and then a softer, almost baffled and frustrated, "why didn't he listen...?"

illouz talks about how visual stimulations or even the presence of something we can hear or see can shape or crush the way we look at ourselves.

Research on the impact of media images on how individuals perceive their bodies suggests that images of perfect bodies have negative effects on self-esteem and self-concept because watching these images suggests to people both that others can achieve them more easily (competitiveness) and that others view them as important (normative legitimacy). Media images thus become a source of disappointment through the implicit mediation of what we think they say about others’ expectations of us and about their achievements compared to ours. Widespread images of love may instill ideas that others achieve love when we do not, and that achieving love is normatively important for successful life. (Illouz, 220).

hobie mentioned it before we officially meet miguel. he says miles seemingly has it alright with his parents and stable family life. and someone like miguel, who keeps a watchful eye over everything that goes on with spidermen, knows that. and he's jealous of it, i would argue. he believes as spider-man, there is a required sacrifice or weight of loss to carry.

while it is a very recurring trope with every iteration of spider-man that's been watched or read, miles has felt loss and loneliness. but he hasn't felt it in the way miguel has because what miguel went through is so singular and unique to him. the only ones who may understand what that would feel like would be gwen or even pav, seeing their dimension and/or livelihood beginning to crumble.

but miles has everything... and is also spider-man and i just know that burns miguel. it's not what he believes should be the order of the "spider-man journey," even though happiness and responsibility can and has worked together. example, peter b. and his daughter.

it's inconceivable for miguel to think something or someone can deny him or run the other way. because everyone is primed to understand that it's his way or quite literally, the destruction of everything. nobody can suggest another way. nobody can say no. aside from the doomsday vibes, miguel is also objectively scary when he’s genuinely angry. not even irritated or annoyed. irate. he’s also colossal. he’s mr. property damage. this need for control and this ability to maintain it under his thumb fuels his antagonistic relationship with anomalies or things he sees as a threat to his security. he doesn't like to be challenged, he likes to be listened to because he knows how the multiverse works and what can come out of it if even a single spider-person has a foot out of line.

and with all the hints left over at the end of the film of how miguel may be wrong, that there is a way to fix the multiverse while protecting the people they love, there will be some serious fractures to his security and everything will open up once again.

[theproblemwithstardust]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @just-here-with-my-thoughts!! Thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

13 (meshurkaan) and 88 (the_problem_with_stardust)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

111,654 under meshurkaan! I have no idea about the_problem_with_stardust since some of those fics were cowritten :D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now Star Wars, but I’ve also written for star trek, the witcher, teen wolf, marvel… maybe some others?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Under meshurkaan:

sand in the hourglass codywan, 2224 words shovel in the dirt crosshunt, 1366 words any way to baffle death (Part 3: ESU), foxfives, 27786 words close out the sun (Part 5: ESU), foxfives, 12114 words (WIP) a flint and a fire (Part 1: ESU), rexfox, 31627 words

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I love responding to people's thoughts and reactions XD

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hehehehehe a flint and a fire :) It’s part of a series though, so it’ll get fixed soon!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably one bright morning? I wrote it the night before TBB series finale and I just wanted them all to be HAPPY

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ah yes the mortifying ordeal of having your buddies read the porn you wrote. Um I think most of the time it’s fun and a little silly?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t think I’ve written any crossovers?

11. (I kept your question XD) Which fic are you proud of but wish had gotten a bigger response from your readers?

Maybe only a call? It has some of my favorite moments in the ESU but it is also mainly worldbuilding so it might have only been fun for me XD

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few! Mostly teen wolf stuff from WAY back in the day

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did some round-robin type fics, but I am not a good writing partner since I struggle a lot with schedules and deadlines

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I’m a chronic multishipper so it’s honestly the ship I am writing for at the moment (this morning it was RexFoxFives, this afternoon it is TechPhee)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I always plan to finish WIPs, no matter how old they are (stares at across the stars) but there is a codywan fic I started for the 2021 codywan big bang and didn’t finish. I still think about it ALL the time

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm one thing that I've worked on a lot is structuring plot. In long fics I like to include off-hand details that then become relevant later. And I do put a lot of thought into characterization so hopefully that comes through in my writing >.<

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Endings! I sat on trying to find my way home for three weeks before I added like twenty words to the end and just posted it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It depends. I used to do it a lot but now that I primarily use screenreaders to edit, I don’t love it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First published on Ao3? Star Wars (FinnPoe my beloved) But I was definitely writing little epilogues to each of the Chronicles of Narnia books at the age of 8

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Ummm maybe take the old, make it new? Or intersecting foliations? All of endless space unfurled? It’s hard to pick ^^’

No pressure tags: @whiskygoldwings, @cacodaemonia, @wolveria,

@catbuir, @loverboy-havocboy, @kartaylirnaak, and anyone else who would like to play?

[whetstonefires]

Hmm 18 and 29?

18) What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Oh gracious. I honestly like my own stuff quite a lot, as a rule, or I wouldn't work on it long enough to finish anything. Fortunately it says 'one of.' Asking for a very favorite always paralyzes me aslkdjadfs. This is hard.

Is the word 'line' here meant to be 'pieces of dialogue' or 'sentences' or what, do you think?

I decided to pick something from my 'Jason Todd getting parented' era and then couldn't find the time to reread the like 30k of All the Roofs of Uncertainty that involve Bruce to pick out a line, so I'm going to nominate something from the fic where Talon!Jason and the Jokester have a heart-to-heart on a roof.

Hm. It has fewer good bits than roofs, being shorter, but they're all kind of interdependent, they don't stand alone very well. Hm.

"And remember, no matter what, you still have us." Jason wasn't sure what he gave away, but there must have been some kind of surprise, or doubt, because J pulled his hand away and frowned. "What, you thought…? You're one of us. Even if you leave. We love you, JJ. That's not gonna just stop." Jason opened his mouth to say something scathing, or dismissive, or defensive, but (maybe because he hadn't quite decided what tack to take) what came out was, "Why?" To be honest, it sounded more like 'whhyyyyyy?' Half whine, half word, a long syllable dragging itself out of his throat as he tried to take it back. Jokester stared at him for a split second, his hand moving like he wanted to reach out and grab Jason again but decided not to, twitched a little like he couldn't find any words that would fit out his mouth, and said, "Because!" Jason was pretty sure he said something like "that's a stupid reason why are you so stupid all the time," but honestly he wasn't sure because his body had gone into full scale mutiny and decided that it wanted to cry.

(It's the 'that's a stupid reason why are you so stupid' bit I'm so fond of; Jokester got a lot of the series' themes put into his dialogue here and they did a lot of emotional lifting, so including that bit that made me laugh felt like it made the whole fic work better.)

29) Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic.

Oh this is fun, I have so many abandoned fics.

Ah! Here! A bit I had a lot of fun writing from near the end of a fic I abandoned at 65k because both the characterization and narrative had too many structural flaws to be worth the effort of an overhaul.

“Uh, Lan Zhan? What is this?” Lan Wangji glanced away from the growing stack of rice long enough to see Wei Ying’s baffled, nervous smile, then went back to counting and stacking. “Inadequate,” he said, and kept drawing out baskets from his qiankun bag. “Uh,” said Wei Ying, which was amusing, but not enough for Lan Wangji to let himself lose focus and lose count. Wei Ying sidled over and pried up the lid of a basket; stared at the contents. Uttered a stifled oath, stepping back and taking in the growing wall of rice. Mentally, Lan Wangji calculated. One dou of rice could make a single, small meal for the whole Burial Mounds population; to feed them all well, say four dou a day. Lan Wangji had appropriated well over a thousand dou of rice from the Lan—perhaps two weeks’ food, there. Here, a thousand dou would last nearly a year if they relied on it entirely and did not stint, which seemed unlikely—but it would not keep so long, in these conditions, probably even in a qiankun pouch, so some of it would have to be sold, so it would not go to mold and waste. A year of life. That was all he could offer. Such a paltry recompense, but at least it answered a real need, rather than offering merely what he thought should be wanted. Lan Wangji could learn. “Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said more sharply, when he was finally done with the rice and started unloading pickles. They had collected an audience now, a dozen of the Wen grouped together in the cave mouth. This was entirely undignified, but Lan Wangji could not think of any other way it could be done. Privacy wouldn’t be appropriate either, even if it was easily obtained. “Lan Zhan, what is this?” “Rice,” said Lan Wangji. Someone laughed. Wei Ying rubbed his forehead; many hours of Wangji’s aggravation in their youth were avenged. “I can see that.” Wangji finished lining up the pickled vegetables, and handed Wei Ying the single sealed jar of ginger. Wei Ying frowned at it, a little wrinkle between his eyebrows. He was adorable. He sighed, and bent to put the pickled ginger next to the pickled cabbage. “Lan Zhan,” he said. “Really. What is this?”

Lan Wangji reached into his final pouch and pulled out the bolt of deep blue silk. He could not press it into Wei Ying’s hands; they were covered in dirt. He set it across the top of one of the stacks of rice baskets. A hush had fallen over the Wen. Wanji stepped closer to Wei Ying, and sought his eyes now that he had been evading. “Gifts,” he said, and felt that the way he said it left no question of his intent.

It was a pathetic offering—nothing compared to what would have been given if he had made a match approved by his sect and clan, what would have been brought forth to honor his bride. But it was what he had been able to bring, without that approval. A dowry he had assigned himself, as it were.

And far more valuable to Wei Ying and the people he had chosen to protect than treasures would have been.

Wei Ying’s mouth and hands worked emptily for a moment, and he made several stifled sounds, as though the silence spell had somehow been cast on him without sealing his lips shut. “You,” he managed. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, let it hiss out. Turned to their audience and pointed, jauntiness back in his motions, the slant of his eyebrows, the tilt of his head. “Okay, everybody scram.”

The Wen laughed at him, but they did go. Fourth Uncle called congratulations and someone whooped; Wei Ying rolled his eyes and shooed them off.

When he turned back to Wangji he was subdued again. His smile small and unreal. “Lan Zhan,” he said, “you can’t do this.”

“These are nothing.”

The linen and cotton, the other bolt of silk, the shirts, the little clothes for A-Yuan, he should unpack all of those as well. But he could not stop looking back at Wei Ying.

Wei Ying blew out another breath, puffing out his lips as it went this time. “Thank you for the rice,” he said, unhappily. “I—I don’t want to refuse it on behalf of everybody, and I….”

There was a struggle on his face that sent a chill through Lan Wangji. Wei Ying, trying to refuse a marriage, with a pile of a little more life lying at his feet as a bribe he could not ignore.

Could he never escape becoming his father.

“No,” Lan Wangji said sharply. “No, even if Wei Ying sends me away in disgrace, these things will stay here. It is not.” He stopped, gathered his thoughts. “I am not trying to buy you.” As though a year’s worth of rice and some decent silk could begin to add up to the value of Wei Ying.

“The disgrace is staying here!” Wei Ying said, shockingly direct. He seemed startled by it as well, as Wangji studied his face. “Lan Zhan, you don’t deserve this.”

Lan Wangji tilted his head. He could choose to agree, to say he didn’t deserve Wei Ying, never could, but wanted him anyway. He would like to see how Wei Ying responded to that—probably by recoiling, but in the way that made Wangji’s chest ache for Wei Ying rather than for himself. “You do?” He flicked his eyes the way the Wens had gone. “They do?”

“Lan Zhan. You could have anything and anyone. I can’t—tie you to a heap of corpses.” Wei Ying made a face and glanced sourly at the wall of rice again. “The rice was a good move,” he acknowledged. “I keep wanting to say something mean to make you leave, but most of them sound stupid now.”

Wei Ying should not have admitted to that tactic aloud, Lan Wangji thought to himself, but he didn’t point out the error. “Not tied to the corpses,” he said. “Tied to Wei Ying.” Oh, how he wanted to be tied to Wei Ying. Oh, how bound he was already.

Wei Ying laughed, the unpleasant sound Lan Wangji had gotten used to during the war, but without the thick layering of pride that had covered it then. “Do you really think there’s a difference?” He shook his head and spread one hand, palm up, taking in all their surroundings. “This is a place for the doomed, Lan Wangji. You don’t belong here.”

“I came here doomed, and had my life returned to me.” Lan Wangji took a step forward, pinning Wei Ying under his attention. “Wei Ying. Do not refuse me for my sake. I—”

Lan Wangji had tormented himself so selfishly over Wei Ying leaving him behind, all this time. As though following were wholly beyond his power, as though Wei Ying were the only one who could choose to alter his path—because he had been so sure his own was right, that Wei Ying must return to his side on it, or be counted lost.

His love had not been strong enough. He had not been brave enough. He had mourned their parting. A child deprived of a toy. “There will be no one else. There is nothing else for me, now.”

To give up Wei Ying, after having had him—to turn away from that whispered affection, or the consuming addiction of desire now whetted by knowledge—impossible. He wanted to say, if I was willing to make love to you within sight of your horrible blood pool in full possession of my faculties, why do you think there is anything that would turn me away now, but he did not think it would resonate with Wei Ying the way he wanted, since it admitted to the repulsiveness of the blood pool. Wei Ying had to be aware of the repulsiveness of the blood pool, but Lan Wangji could attempt to be diplomatic in his own marriage negotiations, unorthodox as they were.

Wei Ying’s face twisted, but it passed through anger into grief. “Lan Zhan,” he said, with tears in his voice though not in his eyes. “Don’t say that. Don’t tell me I’ve ruined you.”

“Not ruined.” Lan Wangji finally drew close, and for a moment it seemed Wei Ying would allow it, but then he spun and danced away sideways, in the only direction allowed by the wall of rice baskets, and was again too far away to kiss.

“I had Jiang Cheng throw me out of the Sect to avoid dragging anyone else down with me. Lan Zhan, you can’t—”

“Stupid.” Lan Wangji frowned. He supposed he should have known that was Wei Ying’s idea. Jiang Wanyin had never impressed Wangji particularly, but among the virtues he did have, courage and loyalty must surely be counted foremost, judging by what Wangji had seen in the war and particularly those three months together, searching for Wei Ying.

Left to his own devices, Sect Leader Jiang would have taken longer to disavow his head disciple, whose unorthodox cultivation he had championed on the battlefield, even if he was too politically cowed by the Jin to defend him properly, either. But Wei Ying, of course, had hastened to make himself a sacrifice.

Wei Ying snorted. “Oh, and you’re planning to bring the whole support of the Lan behind you?”

Of course, he clearly wasn’t. And if any disciple other than himself had staged such a shameless robbery, he would be a wanted criminal. But unless they expelled him, which his brother and uncle would, he felt, after the way he had parted with them, fight with all their considerable power, his affiliation with the sect would still be valuable. To all of them. “Wei Ying does not always have to be the shield. Sometimes, he should be protected also.”

“Lan Zhan.” As easily as that, Wei Ying was looking at him shattered. The vulnerability on his face hurt to witness even as Lan Wangji reveled in it. He was learning Wei Ying, how to love him for his sake, rather than for Lan Wangji’s own.

“Do you not want me?” he asked, bracing himself for an affirmative. Wei Ying might say it and lie; Wei Ying might say it and, despite everything before, actually mean it. He had had time to think, while Lan Wangji was gone.

“I don’t want your pity.” The word curdled on Wei Ying’s tongue and in the air, and his face wore an ugly look again. “We will live as we may. We have survived this long without you, Hanguang-jun, and we will live after you grow sick of the foul air and poisoned earth and leave again. This place is beyond the reach of the cultivation world, why bring it here with you?”

“Even though you do not need me,” Lan Wangji said carefully, letting the sharp edge of those words break over him like a wave because Wei Ying had admitted outright he said these things to drive people away; because declaring everyone here doomed even the little child, and then saying they would live despite him, was too much contradiction to bother with. “Do you want me?”

“If I say no will you go?”

The refusal to say it at once was an answer in itself. “If I believe you.”

Wei Ying snorted, less disgust than acknowledging Lan Wangji’s point scored. He smiled unhappily. “Lan Zhan, I’ve made my choices. I would make them again, even knowing where they’ve led me. That doesn’t mean I want to bring you down with me. You don’t owe me anything. You do realize you don’t owe me?”

Lan Wangji hesitated. It was a difficult question. He did not, precisely, feel indebted to Wei Wuxian, not the way Wei Ying meant or the way his brother had, though he was acutely aware of the gift of his life and the cost Wei Ying had borne to give it. But he did feel obligation toward him, a duty, which was a kind of owing as well. “Wei Ying deserves better,” he said. “And I owe you—courtesy, at least.”

“Courtesy,” Wei Ying echoed, abstract, scornful. His eyes flicked down, past Lan Wangji’s eyes to his mouth.

“You never answered my question,” Lan Wangji said.

“Which one? Oh. Lan Zhan. Who would ever not want you?” Wei Ying shook his head, but there was a smile there now, one that caught in the corners as though pain and fondness were the selfsame emotion.

Once again, he spoke of it like he spoke of natural law.

Lan Wangji ached. “Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying sighed, and glanced at the wall of rice, the silk. Lan Wangji’s perhaps pathetic offering of something, anything more valuable than merely himself. A little life. “I really don’t understand,” he said. “When you left, I thought—”

“You didn’t expect me to return.”

“No. I thought you’d listened.” Wei Ying shook his head. “I don’t want to—I know what they say about me, but I never wanted to…” He took a breath, and tried again. “You’re so brilliant, Hanguang-jun, so good, they named you well, and I would never want to be the reason that light was stolen from the world.”

“Already done.”

Wei Ying winced, and looked at him with his eyebrows knit, annoyed.

Lan Wangji said, “You took the light from my world when you went into the dark.”

[sleepymccoy]

I did the craziest, most like advanced structural writer shit I've ever done the other day

Started like normal, I bleurg words onto the page, 95% dialogue without any tags, just getting a feel for the whole scene. Then cos I was writing and thinking and rewriting at random times for a week, I'd written the same scene three different times to see how I wanted it to go. Cos, the scene requires a genuine effort by the characters to try and communicate effectively, but also requires from me that they totally miscommunicate a few key things. Thus, multiple drafts.

So, I've written this a few times. Cos of that I know I've got some bits that happen in each rewrite, so I'll need to keep them. But, cos I've just blagarggerd it onto the page there's almost no real structure, not all the dialogue flows yet cos I'm just writing words that might be handy, and a lot of it repeats the point cos it's separate rewrites

So, I did a real thing. I went through all of it and highlighted each passage based on what it's about. Had like seven colours for various topics, like compliments, previous insults, character As future, character Bs future, topics A B and C. That sorta stuff. Then, pulled the sections out of context completely and just read all of them as their own topic.

So, I have six little dialogue passages where the characters discuss previous insults theyre trying to apologise for. I read through and decided there's only really two topics there, so I collated everything, chose my favourite lines, and made two blocks of conversation out of it. Rinse and repeat for every topic i separated.

So, instead of this rambling, baffling thread of dialogue, I have like ten distinct topics in sections that flow quite well cos the original drafts had a good amount of natural tone to them. I'll need to edit a bit to make sure the train of thought makes sense throughout it, but it's so good! It's so readable! And I didn't lose anything that I like!

I'm definitely using this trick again to give some structure to my make it up on the fly method of working through difficult scenes. It feels so good. And it was good fun to use colours in a fic! I enjoyed myself a tonne

[sapphire-weapon]

I finished XVI last night and seeing all the people thinking Clive died is baffling to me. I guess maybe they skipped the last few sidequests or something since they do give more context to the ending. Harpocrates literally giving Clive his quill and telling Clive to take up the quill instead of the sword when he returns. The book been named after Clive's exchange with Ultimate (which Joshua isn't present for), Clive narrating the beginning and ending. It seems obvious to me Clive wrote the 1/2

2/2 book at the end and used Joshua's name to keep his brother's legacy alive, just like he used Cid's name previously. And that's not even touching the dialogue from Jill's last sidequest literally matching the ending scene.

it's just been bothering me extra lately, because I have a buddy who's a content creator with actual contacts at Square Enix, and I had this conversation with him last week:

and then he didn't respond to that last point??? but it's true; that's not how the scene unfolds. healing Joshua's body is not the last thing that Clive does with his power -- it's the very first thing. it's not like he spent the majority of Ultima's power on destroying all the bullshit and then, with his final spark of magic, healed Joshua at the zero hour. that's not what happened.

and, like. I love my buddy to death, but he's had insider contacts who have been wrong before. so I'm wondering if whoever he talked to was looking at an old draft of the script.

because -- you're right. literally everything leading into the final confrontation with Ultima feels like a giant flashing neon CLIVE LIVES AT THE END; DON'T WORRY CLIVE LIVES sign.

and having Clive die feels like it undercuts the entire thematic premise of the game, which is: Cid wanted to create a world where men can die on their own terms, but Clive wanted to create a world where men could live on their own terms. Cid even admits that his own approach was wrong and Clive's was right, which is why he passes the torch to him specifically.

so if Clive doesn't live, then he didn't actually win. before blowing up Ultima's shit, he says "these are our terms" but then... his terms aren't met??? because he doesn't actually get to live on his own terms??? so what's the point

what's the fucking point

I keep going back to that question: IF CLIVE DIES, WHAT'S THE POINT OF HIM BEING THE MAIN PROTAGONIST

THE ENTIRE STRUCTURE OF THE NARRATIVE IS FUCKED

AND THIS GAME HAS A LOT OF STORYTELLING PROBLEMS BUT HOLY SHIT TO HAVE CLIVE DIE AT THE END IS DAVID CAGE TIER BULLSHIT because the full picture of the story doesn't matter and the WHOLE THING is just "what would be a cool thing to happen in this moment, divorced from the context of everything else"

I can't stand it.

but yeah. that's why I've been really edgy about this lately. because, while it's far more likely than not that my buddy's contact had wrong/outdated information, there's still that non-zero chance that he didn't.

and boy does that completely condemn the entire fucking game as terrible, thoughtless, meaningless bullshit with nothing of value to say.

[bitimdrake]

cobra kai season 5 rewrite

Alright I’m rewriting everything Johnny & Robby for the entire season.

I’m constraining this to the format of TV (no narrative prose, gotta show things on screen, limited time each episode, etc) and fitting it to the structure of the rest of the season (both plot wise, and matching the general tone and rhythm of the show, keeping the same character in the lead and not skewing screen time towards others). Against my better judgment, I will even be following the show’s lead in trying to move towards a reconciliation between Robby and Johnny despite Robby objectively being better off just cutting him out at this point.

I’m also not tackling anything else but these two. This is already enough work.

Basically: this is not just a fix-it fic. I got plenty of other ideas for fic. This is an attempt to actually achieve what the show thought it achieved, under the exact same constraints.

This is very long. You may prefer it on ao3. 10k+ below the cut:

EPISODE ONE

As before: Robby is tentatively happy to be on a trip with his dad, Johnny is buying dumb gifts like the FBI shirts. Robby finally pushes Johnny to admit why they’re really here, and then is pissed when he learns it’s for Miguel.

Johnny tells that technically true but disingenuous story about heroically looking for Robby after the school fight, and says that bit about how he messed up with Robby and Miguel and doesn’t want to live with his regrets. Everything is the same up until he goes to call Carmen.

We adjust the dialogue here slightly. Johnny tells Carmen he really hopes Miguel is okay, knowing what a dangerous guy Hector is. We see this have an effect on Robby. Then Johnny tells Carmen, no, she should stay in LA because it’s not safe here. Robby’s pensive expression breaks. He frowns—of course his dad doesn’t want Carmen in danger, yet has no problem dragging him along.

“Are you sleeping with Miguel’s mom?” Robby asks when Johnny comes back to the car.

“No,” says Johnny. “We’re dating.”

Robby takes this in. We see it all on his face—bitterness, jealousy, sadness, and mostly disappointment in himself for believing in the first place.

“Let’s just go,” he says.

 -

As before: At the bus station later, Johnny gives Robby money for the trip and snacks. Robby doesn’t want to stay and isn’t thrilled to leave. Johnny says he’s going to go ask the surfers about Miguel and sorta apologizes for dragging Robby into it.

Robby watches him walk away with a frown, then pulls out his phone and starts looking something up.

Same scene of Johnny interacting with the surfers and Robby leaping in when Johnny is about to be strangled. But rather than this somehow making everything okay after the fight, Johnny reaches out and Robby pulls back.

Before Johnny can start, Robby rattles off an address (the same one Miguel had earlier). That’s where Johnny can find Miguel, he says. At Johnny’s baffled and impressed look, Robby points out if Miguel can look up his dad, they can do the same thing.

“You seriously never thought of that?” says Robby. He huffs. “Anyway, you should start looking there.” Robby makes to leave.

Johnny stops him. Hey, that was pretty cool the way they fought together, right? Make a great story, right? Robby could still stay and help him find Miguel. “I’m really trying here, kid.”

Robby’s far more collected than he would be in previous seasons, but he’s still not having it. “Sure, you’re ‘trying’ to fix your mistakes and help Miguel by making up some fake father/son trip.

“And all that bullshit about fighting guys at a chop shop for the van,” he continues. “Did you even actually look for me back then?”

Johnny insists the chop shop fight was real and he did. Robby challenges him—if he was out looking with Mr. LaRusso, then why wasn’t he there when Mr. LaRusso came to the rehab center?

“LaRusso was being an asshole and I had to get away from the guy,” Johnny says. (Robby scoffs.) “And all that after he dragged me out there in the first place—”

“He dragged you out there,” repeats Robby.

Johnny falters, tries to say that’s not what he meant—but we the viewers know it is, and Robby isn’t buying it either.

He shakes his head. “This was a mis...” Robby sighs before he can finish the line. “Forget it.”

Robby heads back to the bus, with a parting line of, “Good luck finding Miguel.” Impossible to tell if it’s a genuine sentiment or bitter sarcasm.

 -

In our Silver-narrated episode closing montage, rather than unearned clips of Robby and Johnny being buds, we get a clip of Johnny sadly watching the bus pull away. Robby inside, leaning his head against the window, disappointed.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Daniel shuts down his dojo and conspires with Chozen, Amanda’s unhappy, and Sam feels bad.

tl;dr change: Johnny is held accountable for lying and Robby still gets to have feelings.

Additional thoughts: Changes start slow. We're just taking the events of the episode and framing them differently instead of prioritizing Johnny’s pov above all, leading to a different ending. (Also inserting a moment where Robby finds out Johnny and Carmen are dating, because that seems like a thing that should actually happen on screen.)

 EPISODE TWO

Not suffering through stupid car-towing/chili-eating shenanigans means we get time to reassign, but we’re actually going to keep it light on Robby and even Johnny this episode.

 -

We don’t see Johnny until Carmen calls to relay Miguel found his dad and point him to the fight arena. Johnny says he’s close and on his way. After he hangs up he reaches for the FBI shirt, and then has a brief sad and guilty moment.

He tries another call, sent straight to voicemail: “Hey, Robby... Figured you’d be getting off the bus about now.” He searches for what to say. “Carmen’s got a great lead on Miguel and your tip put me right in the area... Shit. Just, uh. Let me know you got home safe.” He hangs up, regretful, and grabs the shirt for real this time.

Cut to the Call Ignored message on Robby’s phone. He looks up, having just gotten off the bus back in the Valley. Shannon is there to greet him with a hug.

(Is this a questionable timeline for the bus trip? Absolutely, but I will be giving the timeline of this show exactly as much realism as the writers do.)

 -

We jump ahead to Robby unpacking his bag at home. (Based on editing and pacing, this may be immediate or there might be a scene from a different plotline in between.) The set design reinforces that his home life with his mom has improved: the apartment is clean and well kept, and Robby has a real room instead of a couch.

Shannon’s trying to cheer him up, but it’s not working. She says she really thought this trip would be a good thing. Robby doesn’t say much until:

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted,” Shannon says.

Robby shakes his head. “It worked out the way it always works out. It’s all about him and his guilt and Miguel.”

For a moment here, there’s a hint of Robby’s old S1-3 vicious bitterness—before he visibly pulls himself back, takes a deep breath.

“But that’s on him,” he says, clearer and stronger. “I’m done wrecking my own life to get his attention. If he actually cares about more than making himself feel better, he can put some effort in for once.”

Shannon smiles, proud. “For what it’s worth, I hope he does. You deserve that.”

Robby sighs. “As long as it’s not the same tired apologies and bullshit stories...”

We see something occur to him as he finishes speaking.

“Hey, when I came to you when I was on the run...why did you call Mr. LaRusso?”

Shannon wasn’t expecting that, but tells Robby that she had been talking to Daniel ever since he went missing. She recounts him calling the hospitals and homeless shelters and checking in with her nonstop, so of course he was her first call. But they really didn’t mean for the cops to show up like that and she’s so sorry—

Robby cuts off the apology; it’s fine. (Unclear to us if he truly thinks there’s nothing to apologize for or if he’s just trying to smooth things over.)

“You know,” says Shannon. “I’m sure Daniel would be really happy to have you back.”

A beat as Robby considers—then shakes his head and says no. He’s not Cobra Kai anymore, he says, but he’s not so sure he’d be welcome back at Miyagi-Do, especially after he taught the style to another dojo. Anyway, a break from karate might be good for him.

Shannon doesn’t push. Things are somber for a moment, before she says something about being happy to have him back, teases him seeing Tory again. With the tension broken, the scene ends.

 -

The rest of the Mexico plot doesn’t really have to change from Robby’s absence. Johnny loudly tries to ask around for Hector at the arena and provokes his paranoia. We can cut the fight with the MMA guy if we need time back since it’s pointless anyway idc. Miguel has a bummer time with his dad, and then reunites with Johnny.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Chozen infiltrates Cobra Kai and Tory is conflicted.

tl;dr change: Mexico plot is adjusted to account for Robby’s absence, and we’re making the reconciliation more gradual.

Additional thoughts: Rehabilitating Johnny as a dad is a hell of a task, and we’re starting at a very basic level here: (a) he remembers Robby exists even when Robby isn’t around and (b) he shows any amount of concern for his son’s wellbeing. We’re also continuing to hold him narratively accountable for his failings/lies, and we’re emphasizing that it’s Johnny’s responsibility to make this relationship work and not Robby’s. The last ties into Robby’s character development from season four: even if he hasn’t forgiven his dad, he’s doing his best not to hurt himself with the anger.

We’re also adding just a little bit about Robby and Daniel/Miyagi-Do to try to give a slightly better build to his return later in the season.

 EPISODE THREE

Slight replacement for the dialogue between Johnny and Carmen over Miguel’s terrible breakfast. Carmen asks him how things are with Robby. Johnny sighs; he doesn’t know. He spoke with him briefly and knows he’s home safe with his mom, but Robby didn’t really say much. Dragging him to Mexico was a mistake. He's been trying to work up the courage to go over there, but he doesn't want to mess it up again.

Carmen tightens her lips, sort of nods, but doesn’t actually say anything.

In the show this scene then turns into the set up for the fucking pregnancy arc. Instead, we’ll just have Carmen gag and have to spit out the food into her napkin before Miguel admits they should eat something else.

 -

(replacing the scene where Carmen tells Johnny she’s late)

Later, on Johnny, nervously talking himself up outside an apartment: “Don’t be a pussy.” He knocks on the door.

Robby opens it. Moment of surprise.

“Hey,” he says, guarded.

“Hey, Robby,” says Johnny, and without letting himself chicken out, immediately asks if Robby wants to grab lunch with him.

More tired than anything: “Why, does Miguel need to be rescued from a diner?”

Johnny starts defensive. “No, I’m not—” But then he stops himself. Maybe a musical cue indicating he’s pulling on the Miyagi-Do influence. Johnny apologizes again for dragging Robby into all that; he didn’t want to miss his shot with Robby by leaving him behind, and then he blew it even worse. “I keep telling you I’m sorry and I want to do better, and then I never actually do it. So I’m asking now, no tricks, no Mexican fight clubs—”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Johnny finishes: “Do you, Robby, want to grab lunch with me, your dad? Just to hang out.”

Moment of real vulnerability on Robby’s face. He hesitantly agrees.

 -

Over in the scene with Miguel, Hawk, and Demetri at the tattoo parlor, we need another little dialogue edit. Rather than marvel at Miguel and Robby being in a car together (since they weren’t), Hawk says he still can’t believe Robby went down there.

Miguel concurs, and relays that Johnny said that Robby even helped find him.

“Weird,” says Hawk.

Miguel shrugs. “Yeah, well, at least I didn’t have to actually see the guy.”

We can recycle Demetri’s line here—“Probably a good thing, since I’ve never seen you around him for more than two minutes together without a John Wick-style fight breaking out.”

Miguel snorts.

“Is he really quitting Cobra Kai?” asks Hawk.

“That’s what Johnny said,” says Miguel.

Carry on with the rest of the Miguel/Sam scenes as usual.

 -

(replacing the scene where Johnny and Carmen buy a pregnancy test)

We return to Johnny and Robby at lunch, with their plates empty. Nothing is going wrong, but it’s awkward. Clear from Johnny’s demeanor that this is not what he wanted and he’s nervous. Clear from Robby’s face that he’s disappointed but not surprised.

Johnny says something, trying too hard to spin it—pretty great restaurant, huh? Really good burgers, right?

Robby, listless, “Yeah.” Then, only slightly better: “It was great. Thanks for buying.”

“I’m your dad; of course it’s on me.”

Brief moment of skepticism on Robby’s face.

Johnny sees it, tries to joke: “I mean, I figure I owe you a couple meals, right? Or a hundred.”

“Somewhere around there,” says Robby. “Maybe a few thousand.”

“Yeah,” says Johnny. “Guess I missed a lot, huh...” On Robby’s minimal reaction, Johnny pushes: “Come on, I’m trying to make up for it here. All of it.”

“All of it,” Robby repeats dully.

“Yes, all of it,” Johnny insists. “Name it, I'm trying to fix it. I'm trying to change.”

Robby hesitates, looking away. Then he lets it out: “You don’t even—like me.”

Johnny, distraught: “What?”

“You don’t like me,” Robby says, on a roll now. “You want me to make you feel less guilty, but you don’t like me. You’re always upset about something. You always assume the worst, you blame me when anything goes wrong, and then you—you forget all about me when it’s not convenient. And then you say you're changing, and try for three seconds before it all starts over again.”

“That’s not true,” says Johnny weakly. “I don’t...I don’t forget about you.”

Robby, annoyed: “Really?”

“I know I’ve never been there for you,” says Johnny, voice thick. “And you’re right, okay? I put all my shit onto you. But I don’t forget. I never forget about you.”

“Look,” says Robby, sighing. “I wanted things to get better, but... I’m not sure things are fixable between us.”

“No, please, come on, what can I do? Anything you want, kid. I’m not failing you again. I promise.”

“You promise...” Robby sighs, stands. “Sure. I don’t know, dad. Get your life together?” Clear to us he means it flippantly. “Thanks for lunch.” He leaves.

On Johnny. He repeats in a mumble to himself: “Get my life together...”

Equally clear to us that Johnny has taken this as a directive. He nods to himself, regaining energy.

 -

We keep Johnny’s next scenes largely in tact, with superficial changes. Instead of baby stuff, he’s googling “how to get your life together for your son”. Cue ridiculous montage. He scrolls through WikiHow like it’s a work of genius. We see him replacing the picture on his wall; getting rid of the beer for the umpteenth time; cleaning the apartment.

He finds an article on connecting with your moody teenager. We see him stripping out the second room and filling it with things that are sorta related to Robby’s interests from the perspective of an out-of-touch dumbass.

This show loves absurd time frames and zero acknowledgment of financial ability, so we see him paint the entire room green, hang up “cool” posters of slightly-too-outdated teen bands and shows on the walls, struggle to put a skateboard-patterned sheet on the bed. We see him stumbling in the room with an armful of books, haphazardly shoving them on a shelf. We see him at LaRusso Auto, accepting a bag from a bemused Amanda. Back home, he opens it up to reveal a small bonsai tree, which he carefully places on the bedside table.

We end with him pulling out the same childhood drawing Robby saw back in season two and putting it up on the fridge.

 -

Johnny’s next scene is when Miguel comes to ask for advice. Just minuscule edits here. Like in the show, Miguel ask what the deal is, and Johnny almost answers before deflecting.

Instead of a throwaway line about milk, we have a brief moment where Miguel sees the drawing on the fridge—but he brushes over it, more focused on his current woes.

Same as canon, Miguel relays his struggles with Sam, asks for advice, ending by saying he thinks Sam is still mad and him and he wants to fix it, but isn’t sure since they haven’t talked in a while. In our version, this line strikes even more of a chord with Johnny. We have a beat watching him process and relate to it, and his “I’ve been there” line is a delivered a little weightier.

As canon, he gives his advice, including, “If you own up to your mistakes, you always have a chance of making things right.” He tells Miguel to be honest with Sam, “And don’t give up.”

 -

Our new scenes might be a little longer than the ones they replaced. However, we’re getting back time from cutting out Johnny’s last scene entirely (where Carmen confirms she’s pregnant and all hope of a half-decent story died). So it all works out!

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Daniel and Chozen find Barnes. Sam, in a personal crisis, breaks up with Miguel.

tl;dr change: Instead of an awful plot of Johnny trying to change for Carmen and a baby, Johnny’s trying to change for the kid he already has.

Additional thoughts: This is where the bigger changes start. We’re dumping the pregnancy plot to make room for a plot of Johnny actually becoming a better father. Robby doesn’t appear in this episode in the show, but we need to add him to make it work here.

Continuing to hit on the idea that fixing things is Johnny’s responsibility, not Robby’s. Fitting with his development, Robby is less confrontational, but it’s important to me that he’s still reluctant so that Johnny is the one who has to make the effort. Also important: Johnny is reaching out directly (rather than just talking about his guilt to a third party) and doing so in consistent, mundane ways, rather than relying on a dramatic grand gesture.

We’re also laying some subtle groundwork with Carmen here that might not be notable yet, but will hit next episode.

Finally, we need to fit with the often comedic tone of the show rather than be all doom and gloom, and I want to reuse things from the original where possible, so we’re giving Johnny some hope and a drive to improve, in his usual silly way.

 EPISODE FOUR

As before, episode starts with Carmen having a cheesy romantic dream sequence about her and Johnny and Miguel being a family (and no Robby to be seen). Carmen wakes up happy in bed with Johnny.

 -

Later we kick off the same idea of Johnny looking for a job over the phone, but we change things around when Shannon shows up.

(The plot device of Shannon going to her parents is no longer useful to us, so we’re ignoring it.) Instead of her coming to pick up Robby’s stuff, Johnny has invited her over to show off the remodeled room. Shannon lets Johnny tour her through it and ramble about getting a job (she suggests rideshares), before cutting to the point—why is he showing her this?

“I don’t know. I though maybe...Robby could...stay with me,” says Johnny nervously. “Like a week on/week off sort of thing.”

At Shannon’s look, he corrects, “Or maybe just weekends.”

He corrects again, “Or...one day a month?”

Shannon huffs a laugh. She says she is glad to see him making an effort—surprised, but glad—and is okay with Robby spending some time here “now that it’s no longer a biohazard.”

“Great!” says Johnny. “That’s great!”

“But Johnny,” says Shannon pointedly, “maybe you should ask him about this?”

Right. Yeah. Johnny agrees he will, though this is clearly the part he is most anxious to put off.

 -

Most of Robby’s time this episode is in the water park plot. We need a little edit up top:

When Tory asks how Mexico went, Robby sort of huffs, wryly says it was a nonstarter. Tory is sympathetic about his dad. Robby shares that his dad has taken him out to lunch a couple of times and wants to talk to him later, but “I don’t know. We’ll see if it lasts more than a few weeks, right?”

He shakes it off, straightens. “But that’s up to him.”

We continue on with the scene, as Robby suggests Tory quit Cobra Kai. She’s upset, tension between them, carry on.

 -

(replacement for the scene where Demetri helps Johnny get a phone)

On his way out of his apartment, Johnny happens to run into Carmen coming home. He tells her about the new job (and mentions having a nerd set up his phone for it, to cover the gap) and Carmen is happy for him. She gets less happy when Johnny continues about how he wants to get his life together for Robby.

Carmen’s discomfort could not be clearer to the audience. Oblivious, Johnny excitedly tells her about setting up the room, how he invited Robby over tonight and is going to ask him about staying here sometimes, etc.

“I didn’t realize you’d have him living here,” Carmen says tightly, and Johnny finally picks up on her demeanor.

Well, yeah, of course he wants Robby here, he says. Not all the time; his mom still has custody. But if Robby is willing to give him a chance, then Johnny will take as much as he can get.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” says Carmen. “I mean, with Miguel right here...”

“He’s my kid,” says Johnny.

“And he hurt mine,” snaps Carmen.

Johnny is taken aback. His confusion makes him defensive: “Wh—What did you think was going to happen? He’s my kid. You thought you’d just never have to see him?”

“I don’t know what I thought!” says Carmen.

She tries to sound calm and logical: “I just don’t know if Robby is a good influence to have around here. He seems violent and dangerous, especially to Miggy.”

Johnny’s only more upset. Neither are in a position to make up right now. His phone chimes, he says he has to go “pick up an uber now,” and storms off.

 -

As before, at the water park Kenny goes after Anthony, Hawk intervenes, and Robby points out Cobra Kai’s influence to Tory.

 -

Our last replacement scene was notably longer than the original. To compensate, Johnny’s next scene is notably shorter. Instead of a long comedy montage of him being the worst driver ever, we have a short montage of him trying to do well—correctly picking up riders, even if he pronounces names wrong—but letting his roiling emotions get the best of him. He’s brooding too hard and accidentally misses a stop until his passenger calls it out. He’s angrily drumming the steering wheel without realizing it, to another passenger’s annoyance. That sort of thing.

He gets mediocre reviews instead of constant one-stars, is annoyed at himself instead of being immature and shitty about it, and this time we can actually empathize with him.

 -

As before, at the water park, Robby is trying to stay out of dojo fights, but also refuses to let Kenny get hurt. He briefly interacts with Miguel (for what is now the first time this season) and Hawk as tensions escalate.

 -

We remove the scene of Johnny needing pawn shop guy to give him the “good parents shouldn’t be selfish lazy assholes” advice. We’ll steal back this time later.

 -

As before, at the water park, Robby fails to get through to Kenny. The dojos have their stupid competition, marred by cheating. Robby shoves Hawk into the pool to stop him fighting Kenny, and Miguel comes over to push and confront him, before everyone gets kicked out.

 -

(replacing the scene of Johnny calling Shannon)

Brief scene of Johnny coming home, exhausted. He stops in the walkway, looking forlornly at Carmen’s apartment.

Then he pulls out his phone. We see his texts with Robby:

Johnny: ‘Hi robby. This is johnny. I learned how to text on the smartphone now. Do you want to come over to my apartment tonight. I want to show you something. Sincerely johnny.’

Robby: ‘Ok’

Johnny is heartened, rereading the message. He gives once last look to Carmen’s apartment, then holds himself up taller and goes into his own.

 -

At the water park, Robby and Tory argue as in the show and break up. Maybe add a little touch of continuity to indicate Robby is going over to his dad’s place next.

As he leaves, cut over to Miguel watching him leave with a scowl.

Hawk notices: “Hey, you want us to go over there?”

Miguel takes a deep breath. Says tensely: “No. Better to avoid the fight, right?” But his fists are clenched. End scene.

 -

Finally, we use our stolen time to add a scene right at the end of the episode:

After Daniel and Amanda’s fight, cut to Carmen getting her mail in the evening at the complex. The glass door behind her opens—it’s Robby. Carmen recognizes him instantly, expression going hard. She dithers between staying and moving, turns at the wrong moment, and ends up colliding right into him. Mail falls to the ground.

Robby does not recognize her. He’s the picture of courtesy, immediately apologizing, bending to help her pick it up: “I’m so sorry. Let me help you, ma’am,” and so on. Carmen’s certainty falters for a moment.

“You’re Johnny’s son,” says Carmen, once she has her mail back.

Robby looks confused.

“I’m Carmen,” she says. “Diaz.”

Robby’s expression shifts, a muted oh shit.

“You know, we live right there,” Carmen says, pointing to the apartment. “Me and my mama. And my son.”

“I know,” says Robby quietly.

“Your dad wants you to move in with him,” says Carmen. “Or at least be here a lot. Where my son lives.”

Robby says nothing.

“I want Johnny to be happy, but I want Miguel to be a safe much, much more,” says Carmen.

“I don’t...want to hurt Miguel,” says Robby.

Carmen is out in force, ready for an argument with a temperamental delinquent; she clearly doesn’t know how to handle this. Stutters through a “Well...good.” Sticks to her guns, only slightly softer: “I don’t want to make Johnny chose between me and his son, but I have to prioritize mine.”

She excuses herself, having said her piece.

We linger on Robby. After a long moment, he turns around and leaves the way he came.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Miguel and Sam try to be friends, and Silver pushes Daniel and Amanda apart.

tl;dr change: A totally new Johnny plot—instead of antics getting a job for the baby, a story addressing Carmen’s concerns about Robby.

Additional thoughts: My apologies to Demetri for cutting his one scene out. On the flip side, after nearly cutting Carmen from the last episode, we will now be making up for her screen time.

This started with me thinking that Carmen should get a chance to have complicated feelings about Robby and then it turned out that made for a major plotline. “I’m concerned about my boyfriend’s son being near my son” isn’t really something that can be addressed in one throwaway scene.

We’re also continuing to rehabilitate Johnny by letting the past four seasons turn him into a semi-responsible adult, rather than making him an idiot and jerk for humor. And, of course, we’re having him put in that effort for Robby for once, instead of some new baby. These episodes/seasons are too short to fully show Johnny putting in a consistent effort, so we need that Robby line to establish the lunch last episode wasn’t a one-off.

I admit this new ep is a little awkward structurally. Robby’s real plot this episode is at the water park, but he’s now also a major player in the Johnny/Carmen plot. But I think it still works, since most of his role in the latter doesn’t involve actually appearing, and his endings in the two plots are tonally consistent.

 EPISODE FIVE

We’re getting rid of all of Johnny’s bullshit in this episode, which means significantly restructuring the Robby & Miguel plot. However, I am still honor bound to abide by the show’s all-but-stated rule on dramatic fifth episode fights.

 -

(replacing the scene where Johnny manipulates Robby and Miguel into meeting at a restaurant)

After the opening scene with Silver and Stingray, we cut to Robby on his skateboard, scraping the ground to slow down. He stops on the street to look up. Camera turns to reveal Miyagi-Do.

Robby frowns at the sheet-covered sign, glances either way down the street, and hops the fence.

As he walks through the front, we get very quick flashes from the first two seasons: Robby meditating, Daniel telling him how to control his anger, Robby relaxed at the dojo. The music is peaceful; this is a serene place. He steps through the dojo and out into the yard—

Where Miguel, Hawk, and Demetri are messing around, fake-sparring. The first two immediately snap to anger on seeing Robby; Demetri holds back.

“What are you doing here?” Hawk demands, stalking over. Miguel is close behind.

“What are you doing here?” says Robby, confused. “I thought the dojo was closed.”

“So you figured you’d just break in, huh?” says Hawk.

Robby rolls his eyes. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“It is closed,” Demetri chimes in. “They just figured Mr. LaRusso wouldn’t mind if we used the space. Though I said it was a bad idea.”

Hawk shoots him a look—implied, come on, man, loyalty.

“Yeah, he won’t mind if we use the space,” says Miguel to Robby, pointed. “Because we were students here.”

“I was also a—” Robby stops himself, furious but trying so hard to suppress it. “Never mind. Stupid idea...”

Hawk eases off, content to see him backing up.

“Why don’t you just stay away from us, alright?” says Miguel. “And from here. And stay away from my home while you’re at it—You and Johnny can meet somewhere else.”

Robby shakes his head, turning away, mutters, “You sound like your mom.”

Miguel had just started to back off, but now he’s incensed—“What does that mean?”

“Forget it,” Robby says, making his retreat before it can turn into a fight. Miguel is still seething, but Hawk and Demetri entreat him back over.

 -

(replacing the scene where Johnny manipulates Robby and Miguel into an “escape room”)

Later, Johnny knocks on Carmen’s door and ask if they can talk. She lets him in and they sit at the table.

Johnny speaks with clear preparation. He says he wants to clear the air. He’s not giving up on Robby, but he gets that she’s protective over her kid, and they should have talked it out instead of fighting. But Robby’s not what she thinks. “He’s not a bad kid. He’s just...” (guilty) “a kid who’s easy to blame.”

Carmen says she knows, and she’s sorry. Johnny gets to be protective too, and she knows that he wants a relationship with his son. She just didn’t want Miguel in any more fights, but she shouldn’t have tried to stop Johnny from having Robby over.

Johnny signs: “Yeah, well, might be a moot point...”

“What do you mean?” asks Carmen.

Johnny explains that he invited Robby over, but got stood up. Robby’s probably mad at him about something or other. “And probably right to be.”

Carmen looks guilty.

“Johnny,” she says. “I have to tell you something. I saw Robby the other night. He was coming to see you...”

“What?” says Johnny. “Is he okay? Do you know why he bailed?”

Carmen’s reluctant to admit it: “He was fine. I just...told him about how I don’t want Miggy to get hurt.”

Johnny puts two and two together. He leaps up. “Did you threaten my kid?”

“I didn’t threaten him!” Carmen pleads, still seated at the table. She reaches for him. “Johnny, please! I don’t want this to ruin us. I know you don’t either.”

“I don’t.” Johnny looks down at her hand, longing. Then he pulls back. “But his whole life I’ve put what I want ahead of what Robby needs. I can’t do that anymore.”

He shakes his head, disgusted and disappointed, and leaves. Carmen starts to cry.

 -

Later is the scene where a spiraling Daniel comes to Johnny for help.

Most of this is about Daniel, so we don’t need to change the start. Johnny’s demeanor is a little more worn and down on himself, and we’re changing the bullshit “I got Robby out of there” line to “Robby got himself out of there”.

 -

Towards the end of the scene, the conversation turns to Johnny, so we’ll edit more. Johnny telling Daniel he and Amanda are solid and will get through this remains the same, but just takes on a new subtext.

Instead of noting the “escape room” décor and accidentally inspiring Johnny to make the boys fight, we’ll have Daniel say that he noticed the drawing on the fridge.

Johnny says yeah, he’s trying to turn this into a real place for Robby. But he doesn’t know how he’s going to make it work...

Daniel responds that it’s good to see Johnny trying. “I’m pretty sure Robby’s always wanted a relationship with you, even when he’s angry. I don’t know if it’ll be quick, but if you keep putting in the effort, I’m sure he’ll notice.”

Johnny thanks him. Daniel thanks him back, and excuses himself.

After he leaves, Johnny tentatively pulls out his phone and makes a call. Voicemail again, but he presses on. “Hey, Robby. I just talked to Carmen. I didn’t know she was going to say all that... I’m really sorry. I still got something for you if you’re willing to come over, but even if you aren’t I just wanted to say—I’m putting you first. Okay? From now on, I’m putting you first.”

 -

(we insert a new scene)

Later, in the Diaz apartment, we see Carmen on the couch, no longer crying but still visibly upset. The door opens, and she hastily attempts to hide it.

Miguel enters. “Hey, mom—Mom? What’s wrong?’

“It’s nothing,” Carmen says. “It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to worry about me. How was the day with your friends?”

Miguel clenches his jaw. “Does this have something to do with Robby?”

Carmen’s surprise gives her away.

“Because if he said something to you,” Miguel continues, firing up, “or he did something—”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Carmen grabs both his hands, pulls him down to sit with her. “He didn’t do anything. It’s just—It’s hard, with Johnny and him. But that’s adult stuff, okay? It’s not your issue.”

End on Miguel’s face, unsatisfied.

 -

(replacing the scene where Johnny pushes the boys to fight)

Later, cut to Robby, putting away his phone as he enters the apartment complex again. He glances around, before bee-lining towards Johnny’s door.

Miguel bursts out of the opposite apartment. “Hey!”

Robby spins, braced and ready.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from here?” says Miguel.

“You don’t own the place,” says Robby.

“What did you say to my mom?”

Miguel shoves him. Robby smacks his hands off but doesn’t shove back.

“I didn’t say anything to your mom.”

“What did you say to Johnny, then?” They’re right up in each other’s faces.

Robby scowls. “It’s none of your business what I talk about with my dad.”

“Yeah? What, trying to make him chose?”

“Think I’m the only one here not trying to make him chose.”

“’Cause you know who he’ll pick?” says Miguel.

He’s hit a nerve. Robby pushes him away. A beat, before he hardens his expression. “You think he’s going to pick his fake son and his bitchy girlfriend?”

Too far. Miguel swings. The fight starts.

They battle through the courtyard, into the staircase, as canon. They’re as evenly matched as ever. When there’s a chance to emote between blows, both look more unhappy than they do angry, like this is an unpleasant duty they’ve been forced to carry.

Up on the balcony, they trade blows, quick flashes of the school fight interspersed. Miguel ends up on the railing side. He’s in no immediate danger; he’s fully balanced, braced to block, stance low. But as Robby spins with his fist raised, his eyes go wide.

The momentum carries him forward—Robby opens his fist. He grabs Miguel’s shirt instead, yanks him away from the edge.

Robby catches himself against the railing with both hands.

On Miguel, behind him, startled, desire to fight dissipating as Robby stays there, doesn’t turn around, hunched over.

Loaded silence. They both catch their breath.

“Why’d you do it,” Miguel says. “Last time.”

Long beat.

“I just...wanted to win,” Robby says finally, still staring over the railing. “Not like that,” He hesitantly turns to face Miguel, “but I was angry and I got tunnel vision and...didn’t realize how close we were... I didn’t mean to. I’d take it back in a second if I could.”

Finally he says, “I’m sorry.”

Miguel nods slowly. “I’m...sorry too. For what it’s worth. I know I started that fight... And maybe some others.”

Robby snorts without humor. “Yeah.” After a beat, he adds, exhausted, “I don’t want to fight you anymore.”

“I don’t want to fight you either,” says Miguel.

We linger in the moment. A ceasefire.

Cut ahead a little. The boys exit the stairwell on the ground floor, as Johnny steps outside his apartment. “Hey, I thought I heard—whoa, what the hell?”

He jogs up. Miguel and Robby stand side by side, a little bruised, but without aggression.

“It’s okay, Sensei,” Miguel says.

It takes Johnny a second to process, then he looks to the silent Robby: “You alright?”

Robby nods.

“Okay,” says Johnny slowly. To Miguel, “Well, let’s just hope your mom doesn’t—”

“Miggy!?”

Carmen bolts over to clutch Miguel to her chest, shooting wary looks at the other two. “What happened?”

Robby hunches his shoulders.

“It’s okay, mom,” Miguel says. “I’m fine, I swear.”

“You were fighting?” says Carmen. Her gaze snaps to Robby.

Johnny puts a protective hand on Robby’s shoulder, to Robby’s clear surprise.

“I started it,” says Miguel.

Johnny looks at Robby.

“It’s fine,” Robby says. “Don’t worry about it.”

Both adults are nonplussed, but the kids making a united front confuses them into accepting it: “if you guys are sure...” There’s a look between Johnny and Carmen, briefly united, before they remember they’re at odds. Carmen looks away first.

The parents split off with their respective kids. Robby and Miguel share a nod as they separate. Not quite friendly, but respectful.

As Johnny escorts Robby into their apartment, Robby says, soft, “I got your message.”

Johnny looks hopeful. “Yeah? Well, I, uh, wanted to show you a room...”

 -

(And we make up for the time we’ve added by removing the scene from the end of the original episode where everybody is suddenly buddy buddy at the Diaz apartment.)

 -

Finally, in our end of episode montage narrated by Tory, the clip of Robby is changed (from him fixing Johnny’s reversed door handle) to him looking at the little bonsai Johnny put in his new room and smiling.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Amanda learns about Silver from Jessica. Daniel tries to lean on Stringray, but Silver beats him down instead. We find out Tory is working with Kreese.

tl;dr change: Robby and Miguel’s tension escalates and finally breaks without Johnny selfishly pushing them, and also does not translate to instant friendship.

Additional thoughts: Without Johnny pushing it, we need new reasons to bring Robby and Miguel together. I’m trying to carefully walk the line of provoking them enough to start a fight (because, again, abiding by the show’s conventions) without relying on contrived miscommunication, nor adding new drama that would need to be additionally addressed. I hope the way I’ve leaned on the Carmen/Johnny plot and the longstanding tension between them works.

Also, adding an apology from Miguel. Robby’s absolutely done the most harm and should apologize first, but I just desperately need someone besides Robby himself and fucking Kreese to acknowledge that Miguel was a driving force in the rivalry and fight.

In other news, huge changes for Johnny’s character. In the show, this was probably the episode I hated him most, forcing Miguel and Robby together for his own ends, and then being totally narratively validated for it. In the new version, we’re dropping that entirely.

Instead, we’re giving him a big step forward! So far this revised season we’ve seen Johnny care about Robby’s wellbeing and put in true effort (and jfc making him better than past season is such a low bar), and now we’re seeing him actually sacrifice something to prioritize his son. Hopefully, it finally feels earned at the end to have Johnny be paralleled to a parent like Carmen.

Like the show, we’re ending this episode on a positive note for the Johnny/Robby/Miguel plot (to contrast Daniel’s depressing ending). We’re just tempering it to not be so saccharine.

Finally, a little more background building of Robby’s desire to return to Miyagi-Do, though I can’t decide if it feels natural or shoehorned. But with the structure of the next episode, I wanted to make sure we hit that here.

 EPISODE SIX

The plots we’ve been fixing on take a back seat this episode, so we’re just touching up a few moments.

 -

Johnny is still Johnny, and still decides it’s a great idea to go fight Terry Silver. However, we’re not going to have him be drinking as he and Chozen approach the dojo. When he’s talking about going after Silver, we’ll fit in a quick line where he, with disgust, also mentions Silver trying to get in Robby’s head before prom last season.

 -

Much later, when Robby appears as everyone tries to support Daniel, we change the dialogue a bit. As before, Robby shows up just as Daniel is in his crisis of confidence. Rather than “I can’t fail these kids again.” / “You didn’t fail me,” we’ll do: “I don’t know if I can help these kids.” / “You helped me.”

“Sam and my dad told me what was going on...” As in canon, Robby reminds him of the good he did.

Tweak Daniel’s line: “Robby, the things I did, juvie...and what I said to you...I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” says Robby.

“No, it’s not okay, I—”

“Mr. LaRusso.” Robby waits, looks at Daniel, makes his words weighty enough for Daniel to know it’s not a casual brush off but a significant choice: “It’s okay.”

Robby sighs. “I’m sorry. You were right about Cobra Kai and I—”

“No,” says Daniel. “You have nothing to apologize to me for. I’m just...glad you’re out.”

“I am,” says Robby. “But not everyone is...” and we transition back into the existing lines about how he tried mentoring someone but Silver got a hold on the kid, there are others in Cobra Kai he cares about too, and they have to stop Cobra Kai. “But we can’t do it without you. Sensei.”

A minute later, when they go out to join the rest of the kids, we add a beat of hesitation from Robby before Miguel gives him a nod and he joins the lineup.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Terry gets new senseis, Tory accidentally wins over Devon, and Kreese fails to con a prison therapist.

tl;dr change: Minor edits to improve Johnny and stop blaming Robby.

Additional thoughts: Daniel and Robby’s reconciliation could have been an entire plot of it’s own (and a good one!!!), but I am conforming to the show here. This change is less about the characterization and events, and more about narrative framing—the show seems to argue that actually Robby was in the wrong and no one else needs to apologize to him, which is...bad. So instead of cutting off Daniel’s apology as unimportant, we’re letting him finish it, and having him cut off Robby’s apology. And instead of Robby saying that Daniel did nothing wrong, Robby’s expressing that he forgives him anyway.

 EPISODE SEVEN

This episode has Chozen training the kids. Our first scene is the same (Sam talks to Anthony about Kenny, Hawk is furious to see Robby but Miguel tells him it’s fine, Chozen explains the eggs), except that Robby awkwardly stands a little separate from the rest of the students as Chozen speaks.

 -

Later, the kids have spread out. As before, Sam talks to Anthony about his lack of experience. Instead of Robby casually joining them, he winds up nearby more by accident.

“Hey,” Sam says, hesitant. “It’s good to have you here...I know it must be weird being back, but it means a lot to my dad.” Robby looks down, smiles slightly to himself. Sam adds, “I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”

Robby fumbles with the words before settling on, “I’m glad he’s feeling better.”

Sam almost says something, then looks pointedly at Anthony. He takes the hint: “Alriiight, I’ll find somewhere else to hide.”

Alone, Sam looks to Robby, preparing a speech. He’s blatantly uncomfortable: “Sam—”

“I never said sorry to you,” she says. “For,” (guilty hesitation) “kissing Miguel at the party. And then not believing in you...”

Robby starts to brush it off out of discomfort, “It’s—” and stops himself. “Thanks,” he says instead.

A pause. Robby looks across the yard. “It is nice to be back,” he admits softly. He gaze lands on Hawk and Miguel. “If, yeah, weird.” To Sam. “And...maybe we can go back to being friends?”

Sam lights up. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

As before, we cut over to Hawk, annoyed at Robby “moving in” on Sam and volunteering to kick his ass for Miguel. We’re just making Miguel more tempered in his response: “No, you don’t need to do that. Robby and I...called a truce. Besides, I am done getting stupid and jealous.”

Chozen calls the game to start.

(The Sam & Robby scene does run a little longer here; we’ll make up for it later.)

 -

Later is the sequence of Chozen smashing eggs, which includes the Robby & Hawk scene where Robby apologizes but also pushes back. I’m adding “dislocated my shoulder” to the list of grievances Robby recites to Hawk. And after Demetri goes on his “you’re both ex-assholes” tirade, he looks pointedly at Eli.

“Ugh, fine, I’m sorry too or whatever,” says Hawk, before we continue on.

 -

In the scene with Miguel and Sam, just cut Miguel’s line about them not being together helping him and Robby get along. It made no sense in the show and makes even less now.

 -

Later, Chozen tells them they failed and to try again. Instead of Anthony realizing the trick right away and the kids having a discussion, they all split up again.

Cut to Miguel, slinking around the side of the building, peering for a hiding spot. He runs into Robby: “Oh. Hey.”

“Hey,” says Robby.

Extremely awkward vibe.

“I’ve, uh, seen you around Johnny’s place,” says Miguel.

Robby, suspicious: “Yeah?”

“I’m just making conversation,” Miguel clarifies quickly. “I’m cool with it. I mean, not that you need me to be cool with it, but I’m. Uh. Yeah.”

“Okay...” says Robby. “I mean. I’m just...coming over for dinner and stuff.”

They’ve gotten distracted—Chozen appears threateningly behind Robby.

“Look out!” shouts Miguel. He pushes Robby out of the way just in time. They stagger back from Chozen.

Chozen’s eyes flick to Miguel. He moves in, Miguel desperately clutching his egg, but Robby lunges to deflect the blow. The boys retreat as Chozen slowly advances, ending up back in the main yard. Chozen straightens up to strike.

“Here!” says Miguel, shoving his egg at Robby. He braces up in front, both hands now free. When Chozen swings at Robby, Miguel manages to defend him.

Cut to across the yard.

Anthony, looking despondent with his egg, sees this. His face lights up in realization. “Hey! Everybody!” he shouts, running for the deck. He grabs the carton and puts his egg back in as he runs over to Robby.

Robby sees him, catches on. Behind him, Miguel is knocked on his ass. Robby passes the two eggs to Anthony just in time to turn and block Chozen’s attack.

The others are reaching them now.

“All together!” says Anthony, holding out the carton for eggs. The students rush in to deposit their eggs, then turn to fight, and we get a similar scene to canon of all the kids successfully teaming up.

When Chozen concedes and the kids celebrate, Robby and Miguel share a genuine smile with each other.

(And we earn our time back.)

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Tory and Kenny’s leadership is put to the test. Daniel and Johnny talk to Kreese.

tl;dr change: More gradual relationship building between Robby and the other teens.

Additional notes: Not a lot of teen-focus this season, so we have to take the opportunity here. We’re giving Robby and Miguel a little more natural bonding, rather than have them be instant friends last episode. On the flip side, I actually think it’s funny and fitting for Robby and Hawk to just need a single begrudging conversation. Also inserting a much needed apology from Sam to Robby.

There’s not really any space this episode to properly develop Johnny and Robby’s relationship, but we left on a high note last time and we’re just settling for dialogue to indicate the work is still going.

 EPISODE EIGHT

As before, after the opening scene establishing the challenge to qualify for the Sekai Taikai, we cut to Miguel and Hawk entering Miyagi-Do. New dialogue:

“So have you watched the old Sekai Taikai videos?” asks Miguel.

“Are you kidding?” says Hawk. “I was up all night.”

Instead of entering with them, Robby is already at the dojo in this version. Hawk hesitates, then asks him: “Did you see the video of last year’s final?”

“Yeah,” says Robby. “And that spin kick at the beginning?”

“Dude, that was sick!” Hawk gushes. Miguel grins.

And as before, we carry on with the other students joining in, before the Senseis come over. We keep the following sequence of Johnny approaching Miguel to say he’s not forcing him to compete and Miguel saying he’s pumped. We’ll add:

“And I want to say, I’m sorry if it’s been kind of weird with me and your mom.”

“It’s okay...” says Miguel. “Have you guys...talked at all?”

“Not really,” admits Johnny. “But I want you know, no matter what happens with me and her...I’m always your sensei.”

Miguel smiles. “Thanks, Sensei.”

Instead of Robby coming over himself, Johnny sees him nearby and shifts to include him, raising his voice to both boys. “And we got a hell of a team now. With you two together, we stand a real shot. You ready to kick ass?”

Robby gives a slight nod. Miguel says, “Hell yeah.”

Johnny claps him on the shoulder. He heads off.

With just Robby, Johnny says, quieter, “And maybe you could, I don’t know, ask your mom to stay the night later? Maybe leave some stuff at my place?”

When Robby looks hesitant, Johnny backs off immediately: “It’s your call, though. Whenever you’re ready. I’m just saying the offer’s open and it’s always going to be.” Beat. “Now.”

 -

As before, we carry on with the sequence of the dojos showing off to the judges, including the bit with Miguel, Robby, and Hawk all training together, and with Robby and Sam doing the wheel.

 -

Later, the scene of everyone at the LaRusso’s, Amanda and Carmen cooking for the dojo kids. We add a short moment of Johnny passing through the kitchen, making awkward eye-contact with Carmen, and continuing on.

This transitions us into the scene with Johnny talking to the three boys on the couch. As before, he says how they’re all great. However, it is kinda very extremely weird that the show has him specifically call out Hawk and Miguel as great fighters and AVT champions and then just say. nothing specifically about his own son. So we’ll add: “Robby, could easily be a champ instead of one of these guys, if it hadn’t been for that injury.”

As before, continue on with Johnny saying they’re having trouble deciding. Instead of suggesting a coin flip, we’ll have a silent beat where he glances at Robby, almost apologetic.

Robby, totally at peace, shakes his head: it’s okay.

And we keep the rest of it. Miguel says, “We actually already made up our minds,” looking at Robby, who nods and smiles back. We get to see the pair of them in agreement, having elected Hawk.

 -

From this point on, the relationships between the kids catch up to the show. Things unchanged from this point forward include: Robby telling Kenny it’s better to let go of hate with a significant glance towards Miguel, Hawk listening to Robby’s request to go easy, and the hugs after the competition.

 -

As before, Johnny approaches the chummy Miguel and Robby as the kids celebrate the decision. We need a dialogue edit:

“Hey, listen,” says Johnny. “I heard your mom and Rosa are out tonight, so if you guys wanna host that celebration...” He holds up his hands. “I’d get out of your hair too. Gone as soon as I drop you off, promise.”

The boys grin.

 -

Cut to the party. Everyone having a great time.

We add a small scene right at the top: Miguel is carrying coats to toss into Johnny’s room. He sees Johnny still inside.

“Hey, weren’t you leaving already?” Miguel says, grinning.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Johnny. He holds up his wallet. “Just grabbing my stuff.”

Miguel nods, leaves the coats. Johnny follows shortly after. As he passes the open bathroom door in the hall, he stops abruptly, backs up to peer inside.

There’s a second toothbrush on the counter.

Those big, victorious chords from the soundtrack start up. Johnny continues out of the hall. He sees Robby across the room, chatting with Hawk; Miguel going over to join. Giant grin on his face, Johnny leaves the apartment to the kids.

(And we continue with the party.)

 -

tl;dr change: Small adjustments early on to complete our more gradual arcs with the kids & continuing to cram in progression for Johnny and Robby wherever we can.

Additional notes: god there is not a lot of room to work with in these episodes

 EPISODE NINE

As before, finish the Sam/Tory confrontation at the party, with Miguel and Robby breaking it up.

 -

(replacing the scene with Johnny and Carmen at the doctor)

After our title card, open on Johnny dropping his trash in the dumpster. Behind him, we see Carmen leaving her apartment, wearing scrubs.

“Good morning, Johnny,” she calls.

Johnny spins, hastily trying to smooth his rumpled clothed. “Hi! I mean, good morning. How are you doing this...morning...”

Carmen chuckles. “I’m good.” She gestures at the courtyard. “I hear there was quite a party last night.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think the kids had fun.” Johnny hesitates. “Robby slept over.”

“I’m happy for you,” says Carmen. “And I’m...glad to hear the boys are getting along.”

“They are.”

“That’s great.”

“It’s great.”

Awkward beat.

Carmen says, “Well, I should—”

“Yes! Right. Have a good luck at work. A good day at work.”

Carmen smiles. “Have a good day, Johnny.”

Cut to Robby inside, pouring himself cereal. Johnny enters the apartment.

“You’re up,” says Johnny. He eagerly asks how the room was, if he slept okay.

“It was fine,” says Robby, smiling.

“Good, good.” Johnny says that he’s happy to change anything Robby wants, asks about the party, says the Sekai Taikai is gonna be cool, huh? It takes him a minute to work up to: “Hey, I gotta ask you something. How would you feel about, uh, me and Carmen getting back together?

“You don’t have to answer right away!” he adds quickly. Johnny takes Robby’s now-empty bowl to rinse in the sink.

“Does she still hate me?” asks Robby.

“No. No, I told her you’re a good kid.”

Johnny’s back is turned, so we know Robby’s soft smile is real.

“She gets it now.” Johnny puts the bowl in the dishwasher. “But if you don’t want me to see her...” Deep breath. “I meant it when I said you’re my top priority now and I’m—”

“Dad. It’s okay,” Robby says. “As long as she’s not trying to run me out of town...you can date who you want.”

“You sure?”

Robby stands. “Yeah. I’m sure. Just don’t ask me to play house right away, okay?”

Johnny snorts. “You got it.” On Robby, gathering his stuff. “You heading out?”

“Got something to do,” says Robby.

“Right... Maybe you can come back later?”

Robby pauses, looks back across the apartment. “Maybe, um, dinner tomorrow?”

Johnny beams. “That sounds great.”

 -

Cut to the hospital. Carmen is walking down a hall, carrying a chart, generally looking professional. Her phones rings; she answers.

“Johnny? I’m at work, is everything okay?”

Intercut between the hospital and Johnny at home.

“Everything’s fine,” he says. “It’s nothing like that. I called because I know things have been weird for us, with Robby, and Miguel, but, Carmen, I need to say, I never stopped—”

“Johnny,” Carmen interrupts, smiling. “I’m a little busy. Maybe we could jump to the end?”

She stops at the end of the hall, calling an elevator.

“Right,” says Johnny. “Carmen. Can I take you out tonight?”

“I would really like that,” says Carmen.

They’re happy and cheesy, quickly say goodbyes. The elevator opens. Carmen’s smile vanishes.

“What floor?” asks Terry Silver, standing in the elevator.

Carmen hesitates, then steps inside, tells him.

Tense silence. Foreboding music. Carmen anxiously watches the floors tick up.

“You look familiar,” says Silver.

“Do I?”

Silver snaps his fingers. “You’re a karate mom. I saw you at the All Valley. Miguel Diaz, right?”

Carmen nods, tense.

“Your son’s quite talented,” says Silver. “You know, I’m a sensei myself, so I know how important the next generation is.”

“I know who you are,” interrupts Carmen. “So don’t bother with the sales pitch. Johnny told me everything.”

“Johnny... I didn’t realize you two were so close.”

The elevator dings.

“That’s me,” says Silver, as the doors slide open. He pauses on the way out. “Ah—Pass my congratulations on to Johnny.”

End on Carmen, watching him leave.

 -

(In canon, Johnny tells Daniel and Amanda about Silver in the next scene. We’ll edit to add Carmen and tighten things up. So we cut to:)

LaRusso Auto. Carmen holds onto Johnny’s arm as she says, “...and then he just left.”

As before, discussion between the adults. Daniel says Silver could have been there for any reason. They concur that Silver probably isn’t up to anything right now. Johnny has his arm around Carmen the whole time.

When Amanda says they’ve all earned a night off, she looks at Carmen and Johnny. “And it seems like you two are back on for nights off?”

Carmen agrees. She and Johnny smile at each other.

“Sounds like a good enough excuse to celebrate to me,” says Amanda. “God knows we could use one.”

As before, they all agree to go out. Louie insists on planning, to make it up to Johnny. Johnny and Carmen add “and dancing” at the same moment.

 -

The rest of the episode is largely the same.

Carmen drinks with the others. Instead of Chozen mistaking Carmen for Johnny’s wife, he says he’s happy for Johnny reuniting with his girlfriend. Instead of Johnny’s recount of letting one kick ruin his life ending with him saying he needed to look at what was in front of him, he says “I had to stop wishing things were fixed back then. Start looking at what I could fix now.”

Otherwise, no changes! Some of this is still dumb, but that’s not what I’m here to fix.

 -

Elsewhere in this episode: Robby speaks to Cobra Kai. Tory is tortured by her senseis. The other kids confront Stingray, and Sam reaches out to Tory.

tl;dr change: We reunite Johnny and Carmen, to fit with the show, but make it clear that Johnny will still put his kid over his relationship if need be.

Additional notes: This about the last of the time we’ll get to round out Johnny and Robby’s arc, and I hope it’s been satisfying. I did consider massively changing the structure of the final two episodes to try to fix everything, but that is not what I signed up for here and we’re staying focused.

Johnny and Carmen, I know, are strapped for time to get back together here, since we’re dovetailing back into the show’s normal events. But considering their issue was very defined, has already been discussed, and is now moot (since Robby and Miguel are good), I think we’re okay keeping it quick.

 EPISODE TEN

With our focus in the finale on dramatic fights and resolutions, we only have a few small edits left. The entire beginning is the same. No change until the fighting begins.

 -

As before, Robby is hit by the silver bullet; match cut to Johnny being beaten. Silver arrives from his fight with Chozen to deride him. All as before, until Silver mocks Johnny for trying to confront him on his turf, “You never stood a chance.” And we make our change as Silver grabs his hair to pull his head up:

“You’re as much a failure of a fighter as you are a father.”

Continue on as canon.

 -

Later, as before we cut back to Johnny while Silver is speaking to his students.

Nothing falls out of Johnny’s pocket when he hits the ground. Instead, we let Silver’s monologue end and start messing with the editing.

“Silver is right,” says one of the villainous senseis. Intercut with the dojo: Silver looking around, pose confident. (Sensei VO) “You are failing.”

On Johnny, bloody and on the ground. He gets a spark in his eyes. In the dojo, the camera pans across the assembled characters.

Focus on Johnny as he slurs, “Said I’d stop doing that...”

In the dojo, we see Hawk, Bert. Miguel.

At Silver’s house, the sensei, disdainful: “What?”

Pan lands on Robby.

Cut to Johnny. “I promised...”

The music starts. Johnny grits his teeth, shoves himself to his feet—and fights back.

(Continue as canon; he has a great rally, then is nearly beaten before Barnes leaps back in. Return to the others.)

 -

Daniel gets his cathartic victory. The day is saved.

Finally, when Johnny arrives in the limo, we insert a moment. The first thing he does upon stumbling out is look frantically around until he spots Robby safe with Tory. His shoulders drop, tension releases. He quickly spots Miguel as well. Only then does he go to embrace Carmen.

When Carmen says he needs a doctor and Johnny agrees he was on his way there, instead of saying he just wanted to see her first, he says, “I just needed to see everyone first.”

Carmen says she thought he lost him; Johnny says it’s not that easy. Then: “The thought of losing you, any of you—” He looks aside. Camera cuts to Robby. Back on Johnny's face, soft. “It kicked me into a gear I didn’t know I had. Couldn’t stand the thought of leaving now.”

 -

Episode wraps up with resolution for the heroes, and a teaser for Kreese. The end.

[septembriseur]

Andor 1x01-1x03 reaction:

This is the first Star Wars property since the original trilogy that has felt to me like it is set in a real world: a whole, authentic world that you could walk into and get lost in. All the other Star Wars properties have been beautiful but fundamentally artificial, like you could see how every shot had been composed but couldn’t imagine a world outside that shot. Ferrix feels like a real place that is also a dream place, like the best of the original Star Wars trilogy. There is something non-artificial about it: the hillsides crawling with houses that look like the outskirts of Kabul, the eerie little sodium-lamp videophone cabins, the junkyards, the weird industrial hammer-adhan, the wastelands. I loved it.

This is a Star Wars show that is inescapably political. It is political and it is political in a way that is interpretable. The mining disaster on Kenari begs comparison to real-world disasters like Bhopal and the ability of corporate empires to simply write off whole worlds as sacrifice zones. (And I hope I’m right in detecting a note of ambivalence in the Cassian-Maarva relationship re: him not being allowed to ever confess the terrible truth of where he’s from; what does it mean for her to have “rescued” him in a way that is also straight-up kidnapping?) Several aspects of Ferrix seem directly patterned on Northern Ireland. Luthen’s speech about voices telling you what to do is extremely interesting in re: the politics of language and, particularly, the colonial history and present of English. My point is: where almost all major media franchises right now are completely soaked in this insidious ideology-that-is-not-ideological that renders them ultimately incapable of meaning— I’ve been thinking about this in regards to a famous John Berger quote about neoliberal capitalism creating a media of incoherence and discontinuity— this show is specifically and deliberately political. 

I’m extremely interested in the creative choice to include, in this major media franchise property, like ten or fifteen minutes of untranslated dialogue in a made-up language. I love this resistance to interpretation. I love this refusal to admit the audience into the interiority of these colonized people. 

I was recently re-watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and commented that the sequence in which Faramir’s battalion rides out to retake Osgiliath is an example of a way that most mainstream films and TV shows do not now approach storytelling. In that sequence, the camera lingers on and highlights specific scenes and details that do not contribute to our understanding of the plot itself in any way, but that are essential to understanding the meaning of the plot, i.e. why this story is being told. You might contrast this with the not-very-good Rings of Power show, which has a notoriously baffling slow-motion scene of Galadriel laughing while she rides a horse. The reason that this scene is baffling is because it seems to want to function in the same way as the retaking-of-Osgiliath sequence, but it does not actually communicate any meaning. My sense is that the people making the show do not actually understand how the retaking-of-Osgiliath sequence functions within the LOTR film narrative. All of this is to say that the Andor team understand that aspect of filmmaking, and much of the show consists of this kind of non-mechanical, artful filmmaking. I find this to be a relief. 

I have read a couple of reviews that are frankly baffling in their comments on the “shapelessness” of 1x01 and 1x02. Clearly 1x01-1x03 form a narrative and thematic whole. I don’t understand how you could watch these episodes and not perceive that they have a very clear structure as a three-part whole. The death of criticism.

I love this show.

[atopfourthwall]

Ive only recently gotten into classic Star Trek so I don't think I can properly answer but what is it specifically about Discovery and recent Star Trek that classic Trek fans hate?

Putting this behind a cut because... it's a lot.

Well, first of all a big rejection of it is just on an aesthetic level. Up until the 2009 movie (which was considered a reboot, even with time travel elements), Star Trek tried to treat the original series and how it was portrayed as pretty sacrosanct. Sure, they might occasionally make jokes about goofier aspects of it and discard some of the stupider stuff (like how in the final episode, penned by Gene Roddenberry himself, that women weren't allowed to Captain starships), but how TOS looked? That's how the 23rd century looked. Buttons and multi-colored outfits and boxy computers and smooth, undetailed ships WAS what was appropriate for the time. When Scotty came back in TNG, they had him on the holodeck and it was the TOS bridge. When DS9 traveled back in time to that era for an episode? They went onto the Enterprise and visited it. When in an Enterprise 2-parter we had a TOS-era ship? It looked like a TOS ship. They even did a 2-parter on Enterprise to explain why Klingons had smooth foreheads when later (and earlier) they didn't. Star Trek up until then cared about maintaining that continuity of appearance. But Discovery is set in the TOS era... but nothing looks like TOS. Even when we got the Enterprise and those uniforms and we saw inside the ship, it was an upgraded form. The only logic I've seen people try to argue about WHY it doesn't look like it actually did was "Well, audiences won't accept something as cheap as TOS being futuristic." Well, then you've got a few responses there: -Don't set in TOS era, then. -That's horseshit, because audiences from the 90s through the 2000s accepted it just fine. Even a piece of dialogue from DS9 explained it perfectly: "I LOVE 23rd century design." It LOOKS cheap, but it was just the aesthetics of the period. And the Enterprise 2-parter it still looked good in HD. Hell, arguably it looked BETTER in HD because they knew how to light it and create mood and its own unique flavor. -It's even more horseshit because people are STILL going back and watching it even today, as indicated by you saying you've started watching it, so clearly it's not that much of a barrier. But what's even more egregious is the TECHNOLOGY. You might be able to accept updated aesthetics if at least matches what was present during the period... and it doesn't. Holographic displays and communication (holodeck technology AT ALL, frankly - it's possible it was there, but TNG seemed pretty adamant that the holodecks were fairly new, very impressive technology), weapons not looking or acting like they traditionally did, Enterprise and Discovery having R2D2-style repair droids that certainly did not exist in TOS, the wrong sound effects being frequently employed, replicator technology for good-looking food instead of food dispensers that gave out marshmallows and cubes, and honestly the tech level shown in Discovery looks just as advanced - if not MORE advanced than seen on TNG 100 years later. And this is a minor thing, but despite the attempt to make the future LOOK futuristic, from a cultural perspective, the future looks... way too damn similar to now. The excessive swearing (it was said in particular in Star Trek 4 that while they certainly did cuss, it was less common and they sure as hell weren't dropping F-bombs), a party on Discovery that looked like a rave (when previously it seemed like the most popular music and culture of the 23rd/24th century was considered fairly high-brow entertainment [classical music, Shakespeare, great works of literature and plays, etc.] - and while you could certainly argue that that snootiness and love of that stuff is a problem with Star Trek and a sign of how sterile and homogenized it is, THAT is the future they presented and a character in Voyager loving some of the goofier parts of 20th century culture like jukeboxes and old sci-fi serials was considered unusual), and just the general way people talk betrays the idea that the writers aren't thinking about how society changes in the future. It's just the modern day, but with cooler technology. But hey, let's set aside the general aesthetics - some people aren't going to mind that and find

ways to handwave away a lot of stuff (even Discovery season 2 TRIED to handwave away stuff like the holographic communications, but did a piss-poor job of it). This brings us to the problem of the WRITING. And the problem with the writing is a big Michael Burnham-shaped indentation. To be clear, I don't mind Michael as a character or her actress - there are interesting aspects to her, centering a Star Trek show around the science officer is a neat idea (though that means you should probably NAME IT AFTER HER and not around the ship, because it suggests this is a standard ensemble group and not JUST her)... but the actual execution is that it feels like the entire universe bends over backwards for HER. She has a unique relationship with a beloved longtime character that is retconned in. She has unique relationships with several important characters to the point where the fate of billions of people hinges on her and the decisions she makes. She is presented as almost always correct about everything, and those that oppose her are often wrong, naïve, or active enemies. Now, this is less of an issue in the third season - but that has its own unique problems - but in the first season, the resolution of two major storylines (mirror universe and the Klingon war) revolves around her and her relationship to the Terran Emperor and Lorca. In season 2, her mother trying to help or save her is the basis of the ENTIRE friggin' plot with time travel and the like, with special knowledge and history having to do with her and everyone ready to abandon their lives for her so she won't be alone when she has to go to the future when arguably they barely know her (the timeline of the show is debatable). Season 3 has a few different problems with her - the first is that she keeps being involved in things that don't concern her (why is she going down to Trill?) and she keeps violating orders. Now, her violating orders is a problem throughout the entirety of Discovery - in fact, it's kind of the instigating factor OF the series. And arguably, other Star Trek characters are guilty of that and they face no consequences, just as she faces none... and yet it's the brazenness with which it happens, and in those other series it's arguable because the series tries to avoid excessive continuity changes for its episodic nature, so the status quo MUST return to normal... but Discovery is pivoted as one of MAJOR continuity, so her lack of consequences (and indeed eventual PROMOTION) is baffling to the point of frustration. Now again, let me be clear here - she is not a bad character in and of herself. Honestly what it shows is that being the science officer on a starship is not where her talents lie. She should be in a position where she has a lot more freedom to act and not in a major command structure... but being in that command structure, what we see in season 3 is that she lacks the discipline, emotional maturity, responsibility, leadership qualities, and general other traits necessary to be a Captain. Only once during season 3 did she display such a quality - putting the safety of the Federation above a friend and colleague... but other times she will happily disobey orders and put herself and others in harm's way, creating potential new problems. Now, again, Star Trek is rife with characters doing that... but usually not the Captains. And, in fact, when this happened once on DS9 with one officer disobeying orders and putting their own personal feelings above the greater responsibility, it was made VERY clear that the incident would mean that they would never be able to command a starship because of the unofficial reprimand. What's even more frustrating about her is that the character is ALWAYS shoved to the forefront so much to the point where we just get sick of her. SHE is the one giving log entries (usually pretty piss-poor ones, at that - very flowery and nonsensical and kind of dumb) and not the Captain. SHE is the one given so much focus and how the plot of the episode affects her. Barely anyone else gets any focus episodes - I STILL can't

remember the names of some of the secondary characters because they're so rarely said, and a PTSD-related plotline in season 3 for one of the secondary characters basically gets resolved OFF-SCREEN. Michael would be fine if we actually had a chance to miss her... but we never do. Arguably one of the best episodes of the show is in season 2, when it focuses on Saru and his people because Michael DOES take a back seat. It's his story and his development and problems relating to him and his people. And even if, again, we forgave the idea of so much focus on her even in plots that aren't about her... she never seems to really change that much. She'll TALK about how she's changed, but I see no real difference in the way she acts (MAYBE season 1 to 2, where in season 1 she was stiffer and more Vulcan-like, but that's it). But hey, let's assume that's not a problem for you - you really, REALLY like Michael and are fine with so much focus on her. Simply put, the writing of the rest of the show... is just kind of dumb. The ship is powered by magic mushrooms that let it teleport everywhere because the universe has super fungus capillaries throughout it that nobody can see and also it's magic and can resurrect the dead. The time travel plot of season 2 doesn't make any sense when you sit down and diagram it. Well-established Trek lore is just kind of sprinkled in, but now in ways that doesn't match what it was before or at least in ways that completely recolor how it's supposed to work, because it needs to serve THIS plot. Everyone remembering a murdererous monster fondly after she leaves because "Hey, she was coooool." The explanation for the big mystery in season 3 is just fricking stupid and one of the two big reasons why I've finally given up on Discovery, because it's just so absurd, doesn't match how anything works, and just feels like the writers giving the middle finger to the audience because they care more about "YOU MUST FEEEEEEL THINGS!" instead of it making sense. And indeed, there is certainly a balance to be made of plot vs. emotion-driven storytelling - some stories are dumb, but are forgivable because the character writing and emotion are so strong that they override how goofy the plot is... but sometimes a plot is just so dumb it overrides anything I'm SUPPOSED to feel. And it would help if I already liked the show, already gave it some benefit of the doubt... but I don't and it hasn't done enough to impress me. A little thing that's a problem with ALL of current modern Trek shows is that whole sprinkling lore thing - I don't think a single episode goes by in ANY current modern Trek series that doesn't have a random reference to classic Trek lore. A name, a line of dialogue, etc. It comes across like the creators don't trust you to enjoy it on its own merits, but want you to like it because "Hey, remember thing? We know about thing! Like us because we mentioned thing!" But hey, I recognize that these are things that other people may not have any problem with or just disagree in general. But for me and my family, these are the big ones that keep us from enjoying it. Hell, my brother and dad still watch it for hatewatching purposes, but I was done after season 3. I gave it plenty of chances to impress me, and while each season MARGINALLY got better as it went along, I'm tired of waiting to actually like it and to stop feeling like it thinks I'm a fucking idiot. If other people still like it, great - it clearly appeals to them in a way that it doesn't appeal to me and they are free to enjoy it. Other people probably have their own issues, but this long, rambly bit is the major stuff for me.

[theggning]

Your post reminded me of something that always perplexed me about Danse's backstory. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. What do you think of his relationship with Cutler? It really weirds me out, because on the one hand Danse speaks about it as if they were practically married (did everything together, super strong bond so much so that he is scared of loving again), but on the other hand he says that nobody ever cared about how he felt so I'm like ??? which one is it Danse.

Short Doylist Answer:

“Nobody has ever cared how I felt” is a generalization, because it sounds better in dialogue than “nobody except my dead best friend Cutler has ever cared how I felt.”

Also, because it’s an RPG, there’s going to be a lot of bias towards the importance/relevance of the player. It’s the third affinity dialogue with Danse and the player wants to feel like they’ve become very close with him, so saying “You are the first person who has ever cared how I felt” and horning in “and also my aforementioned dead best friend Cutler” isn’t really what the player wants to hear at this point.

Long Watsonian Answer:

Danse is the least reliable person in the world re: other people’s feelings about him and probably genuinely believes that.

This is the guy who believes his worth as a person is proportional to his worth to the Brotherhood. He actually cannot fathom the idea that somebody could like him or care about him outside of his capacity as a soldier. I don’t believe him at all when he says “nobody” has ever cared about his feelings, especially not when we know about Cutler.

I think some of this comes from our boy’s wonderfully healthy and extensive immersion in the BoS. He sorts his relationships with other people onto two levels: the Brotherhood level, and the *other* one.

The Brotherhood is Danse’s family, but it isn’t the same as a family-family. Camaraderie is encouraged, but there’s a strict chain of command, you follow orders, you can’t get too attached to other soldiers because you’re all at war and could die at any time. You respect others for their skill and talents and honor first, and everything else a distant second. Danse is well-respected within the BoS and seems like a pretty popular guy, but perhaps apart from a few people here or there, these are his coworkers. His BoS comrades care about him the same way he cares about them-- as fellow soldiers, brothers and sisters in arms. It’s not a personal sort of care. It isn’t friendship.

(At least, Danse doesn’t believe it is, but he’s also plainly incapable of noticing when other people DO consider him a friend. This is the guy who’s completely baffled when Haylen seeks personal comfort from him and later stands up for him against orders. There’s probably more people like this, but Danse is completely oblivious to the notion that anybody could possibly like him beyond his role as Paladin.)

The *other* level has only ever included one person: Cutler. The only person who knew Danse before the BoS, and appreciated Danse as himself and not as a soldier. Their bond is irreplaceable to him, and he specifically says that of all the comrades he’s lost over the years, none of them were “a good friend, a friend like Cutler.”

But Cutler was also in the Brotherhood. In the five years (at least) since Cutler’s death, it’s feasible that Danse has begun to remember Cutler more as Cutler the Soldier than Cutler My Best Friend (either to make his loss less painful, or because for Danse, everything eventually ends up going back to the Brotherhood.) Maybe as a coping mechanism it’s easier for him to file Cutler along the same lines as all his other fallen comrades, fellow soldiers who care more about Danse the Soldier than Danse My Friend.

I like to think Cutler wouldn’t agree with him at all. 

And now, some cute headcanons:

Cutler was Danse’s best friend and also the first human person he ever had close contact with after escaping the Institute (and getting his memory wiped.)

They started off as neighbors in the Rivet City market and eventually went into business together, or at least collaborated so closely they were basically in business.

Cutler was the wild party animal to Danse’s levelheaded thinker, and they balanced each other out really nicely. The bad ideas were almost always Cutler’s, but Danse would go along with it to keep an eye out for him.

Danse got promoted faster because of his diligence, but Cutler never held this against him or even let it change the way he interacted with him. They still spent their free time together and went on leave together and outside of supervised command structures, were as close as they ever were.

Cutler joked about getting special treatment once Danse was a Paladin (but never asked for any, because obviously Danse wouldn’t abuse his rank like that.)

Whichever one of you came up with Cutler asking Danse to buy the next round when he came back being his last words to him, thanks a lot, it’s horribly sad and I love it.

I personally don’t ship them or think there was anything beyond deep friendship between them. It didn’t need to be more than that for his death to hurt. Also two men don’t need to be in love or attracted to each other to care about each other to that level.

I picture Cutler as looking like Idris Elba. (Yum.)

[thebluemeany]

Writer Tag Game

Thanks for @conceptadecency for tagging me. I’m going tag @damnhardwork @syaunei, @alphacygni-8 and @agrippaspoleto plus anyone else who’d like to do this.

How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight.

What's your total AO3 word count?

88878

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.      In Times Of War

2.      The Chameleon & The Magpie

3.      Bad Dreams (still a WIP though, sequel to In Times Of War)

4.      Garak’s Letter Back

5.      My Friend

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes. I tend to write back unless life and work has gotten super busy. It’s always nice to chat to people and talk about ideas.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Garak’s Letter Back. More bittersweet than angsty though.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Chameleon & The Magpie. DS9 but with His Dark Materials style animal daemons.  

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

A Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead/ DS9 crossover called Incredible Tales. Basic plot: Bashir and O’Brien realise they’re actually characters in one of Benny’s stories and try and fail to change the course of events from In The Pale Moonlight. It’s definitely a crazy trip…

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Depends on the definition of hate. 99% of people in the fandom are lovely, generous, and kind.  I’ve received a couple of comments from people who one aspect of my writing was problematic ( basically I described Bashir as ‘the Englishman’ and that was taken to somehow to be whitewashing? Apparently you can’t be English and not white or something… I dunno, it was baffling.)

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

No.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Someone asked ages ago if they could translated into Russian for a Russian fic website. I said yes, it’s all cool and stuff.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I’ve had a lot of help from other people though in terms of ideas and plot points for my fics, but nothing where we wrote it together.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Depends on what I’m writing to be honest. I don’t really focus on the ships.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have one WIP in progress at the moment which is Bad Dreams. It’s been a while but I’m sure I’ll finish it. I write slowly and usually only one fic at a time, but I do always eventually finish stuff I’ve started. 

What are your writing strengths?

Structure, ideas, jokes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing speed. I write very, very slow. It takes me literal years to finish a multi-chapter fic. Also description of movements, people getting from one place to another in a scene, Really struggle with that. I have discovered from beta editors that I don’t know how to correctly use semi-colons (does anyone?) Also sometimes because I’m more used to writing or editing scripts for work, I forget to put in a character’s internal dialogue, emotions and thoughts when writing prose. Sort of figure ‘well it’s the actors job’ and then am like ‘oh no, wait – this is a story, there’s no actor’.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I was going to say DS9, but I *did* write a story for a Big Finish Doctor Who submission when I was about eighteen that got rejected, so I turned it into a fic and put it on fanfiction.net. Then there was a 10 year gap before I got into fanfic proper with DS9.  

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I’m pretty happy with In Times of War and it’s sequel Bad Dreams. There’s stuff I’d do differently now in terms of writing In Times of War if I did it again ( it’s all written in the present tense and I would change that now, but hey-ho) but I think the ideas, characters and plots of both those stories are really strong.

[plumstreet]

share your woes about Iron widow? 👁👁 it's on my tbr and I don't want to spend money if it sucks

imo Iron Widow had a rad concept that was awfully executed. You know how one of the main rules of storytelling is that you can have a message or moral you want to impart, but you can't let it get in the way of first and foremost telling a good story? The author focuses so hard and making sure you knew that men are bad and terrible that they forgot to make their characters interesting or engaging.

The characters all feel very one-dimensional. They're each given one observable personality trait, with the rest of their character traits being told to us through exposition. These told-to-us character traits are almost never actually demonstrated to us by the characters actions, we just have to take the main character Zetian's word for it.

By far the weakest point of the book was the dialogue. A solid half of the characters are middle-aged military men, and each and every one of them down to the last talks in the exact same way, using the kind of language and sentence structure you'd expect from particularly gossipy teenagers. No one has any sense of guile; they all say exactly what they're thinking when they think it. The author put a ton of effort into creating this all-powerful government that is never questioned or fought against by the general public, and then wrote every single government official as dumb and useless. Like that's not how that works.

The plot makes no sense, but in all honesty that's not really a deal breaker for me. As long as the vibes are good I'm willing to forgive most plot inconsistencies and moments of weird characterization. Unfortunately this book's fun to bs ratio was just too skewed for me to enjoy. It reads like what my idea of feminism was as a 16 year old, and I find that baffling coming from an adult published author.

For a review more recent to when I actually read the book, you can check out my goodreads review here.

[underragingwaves]

For the asks, 12 (I think I know the answer, at least for in this fandom, but was curious about the why), 13 (I think I may be able to guess the answer on this one-does it rhyme with Gorvi?, but I could be wrong), and 28, please? 😃💕

Thank you for sending these!! 💕 My answers got superlengthy, so I'm putting a read-more somewhere in this one haha.

12. Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

In this fandom? Hvitserk. (Was that the one you expected? 😂)

I am honestly baffled at the notion that Hirst never really seemed to know what to do with his character, because Hvits came alive for me from the very first moment I wrote him and has been very vocal since. His character voice is strong for me, which I think is because he is a narrative wildcard (‘subservient’ to movements made by Ubbe and Ivar in particular) and a very versatile character to boot. Hvits inhabits the whole spectrum from emotional highs/lows all the way into battle frenzy and addiction, which allows him to be freely used in whichever narrative I put him in. A writer’s treat!

Also, Hvits is one of those characters that course-corrects me while I’m writing. I can sense the exact moment I use the ‘wrong’ word in his dialogue, or straight-up have him refuse to partake in a scene when it’s not how he wants that scene to go. I have jokingly said that I’m negotiating terms and conditions of my fics with him, but it’s ridiculous how true that is. 😂 As a result, though, he’s probably the easiest to write and get the voice right for.

13. Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

You’re absolutely right, in this fandom it rhymes with ‘Gorvi’… I only wrote Torvi once, but that experience was akin to pulling teeth. Her presence in-show does not affect much of the plot and she is never made to feel like she is her own person with history/insecurities/etc. We’ve had seasons with this woman and we still have no idea who she really is, which is characteristic for Vikings overall when it comes to its female characters. As such, I struggled to find her voice when I wrote her and felt that her interactions ‘fell flat’ in comparison to the ones I wrote for other characters.

I also fully acknowledge that my own dislike of her character and particularly my issues when it comes to shipping her with Ubbe come into play when I write her, though. I can’t find an easy place for her in the narrative structures I have built so far and don’t really see that changing any time soon.

28. What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

This stumps me a little, which is probably due to the fact that I’ve been posting fic since I was 13-ish. That’s almost 20 years of being involved with fandom on that level, so I’ve seen a lot of changes in how people approach fic and fandom in general in that time. We didn’t have AO3 when I started out and I can’t impress upon people enough how great it is to have an archive of fic where the tags and other information allow you to find whatever you love. I wish we’d had it sooner, haha! 💕

I think posting fic gets easier when you’re familiar with formatting/HTML, so that’s an advice I wanna pass on to people for sure. I also learned a lot from listening to stories about fandom etiquette/history, too, which I think is something that helps when you’re interacting a lot with your fandom and promote/post your fics in it! Back when I started out, it was one big high tide of learning things like constructive criticism and how to edit your own but also other people’s fics. I wish I had known more about that from the start and I wish fandom still applied that the way it used to, because this is the one thing that really serves me time and again as a writer and something that has helped me grow and evolve my skills on a fic-writing level.

[raidenenthusiast]

Akechi and Joker definitely hate each other. I don't know how you couldn't have realized, to be honest.

i'm assuming ur the same anon from earlier? if so, u are just one after the other with these freezing cold takes, aren't u? i have to wonder if u've played royal—although even so, it's not very difficult to come to the conclusion that goro and akira don't hate each other just from the vanilla game. however, for the sake of argument, let's say u don't have any malicious intent behind these asks. i'll explain it for u!

first off, on akira's part, the fairly obvious pieces of evidence: maruki's reality. i'll summarize: maruki's actualized reality was based off the cognitions of other people; that is, he looked deep into the psyche of the general public—phantom thieves included—and catered his reality to them. he did things such as help people get jobs, shift the cognitions of abusers and generally shitty people so they would act in a kinder manner, even went so far as to bring people's cats back. maruki didn't just decide randomly what he thought would be best for everyone, he had at least some basis for his decisions through observing their cognition. so we can conclude that maruki wasn't just acting on his own when it came to what he did for akira. and what he did was "bring goro back." here's the evidence of that in screenshot form, if u need it.

not only does maruki directly state that their relationship is not based on hatred, but he also goes on to say this his reasoning for "bringing him back" (i keep putting this in quotes bc of the ambiguous ending) was due to akira's feelings on the matter.

but no worries! if this concrete evidence isn't enough for u, i have more!

this is right before the boss fight in the engine room scene, in which goro is suffering a complete mental breakdown, which morphs into a psychotic breakdown induced onto himself by his persona, loki's, ability, call of chaos. this specifically takes place before these events. now, i'm sure u know about how the dialogue options are structured, but in case u don't; the first, or "highlighted" option is generally the one the game wants u to choose. my issues with silent protagonists aside, we were clearly meant to be sympathetic towards goro in this scene. akira extends a second chance to goro. why would he even consider this if he hated him, as u say?

one more! from morgana this time.

the cat is far more observant than some of u give him credit for. both of these scenes were originally in the vanilla game, so even if u haven't played royal, u don't have much of an excuse.

if u didn't fundamentally misunderstand goro akechi as a character, u would know that his "hatred" of akira does not stem from simple, genuine dislike, but a bitterness directed at what he represents. he says as much in the engine room scene; talking about how special akira is, how he wanted more than anything to be able to do what he did and have what he had, but he couldn't, and that made him too angry to process what he was feeling. if u take goro at his word in rank eight when he says the words "i hate u," ur completely missing the point.

some other canonical things that akira and goro do that do not fit the narrative ur pushing: actively seek each other out, choose to work together in the third semester, akira holds onto goro's glove as well as unconsciously wishes him back to life, goro sacrifices himself to save akira and the rest of the thieves, as well as testifies against shido instead of him at the beginning of the third semester. in rank seven of his confidant, goro asks akira if he would like to form an alliance, just the two of them, instead of continuing to work with the other phantom thieves. during the engine room scene, like i mentioned, akira is willing to extend a hand to goro, which evolves into something even more meaningful through the third semester.

i do not understand how u people cannot get ANY of this information into ur skulls. it genuinely baffles me. and i do apologize if u meant no harm with this ask, but i am tired of having to explain basic story points to people who act like they can't read, or they can only when it's something they agree with. i'm not accusing u of this, i'm just telling u that it happens often.

so take this however u will, but i do hope that u do a replay of some sort, or something along those lines. bc u have completely misunderstood akira, goro, and the nature of their relationship, and that shocks me, considering the fact that i don't think it's difficult to understand at all.

if ur going to talk to people about goro and akira, u should probably have a basic understanding of their characters beforehand.

one more thing.

this is a canon photo from the credits after u choose maruki's reality. atlus devs called it the "stay" ending, whereas they called the ending rejecting it the "return" ending. they said in an interview that both endings can be taken as true endings, so don't give me any "that's the bad ending" crap. why would akira's reality of perfect happiness look like this if he truly did hate goro?