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talesofesther · 6 months

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tangle me in all your broken pieces (and watch me stay) | ch 3

Loki x Reader

Series Summary: An Asgardian god has just threatened your planet and you were called in to provide a little help. What you didn't expect was to develop a strange soft spot for said god, who hid more pain behind his cold facade than you thought possible.

A/N: This story is already occupying a very special place in my heart.

Word count: 4,2k

Masterlist | Read ch 2 here

You arrived at Stark Tower a little before noon. The quinjet landed on top of the building and you were once again relieved to be stepping out of it. The ride back had somehow been even worse than the one before, as there was a heavy shadow looming in the air.

Loki had been quiet since he'd stepped back in the jet after the meeting with Odin, his eyes always downcast, fixed on his cuffed hands. You couldn't blame him—even though it felt foreign to see him so… broken, compared to the confident god you first saw being escorted to his cage a couple of days ago—you could only imagine how bare he must be feeling without his powers.

You walked out of the jet and followed Tony inside the top floor of his tower, trying to ignore the weight of a certain stare on your back. Sometimes you forgot just how much money Tony had, being here was a good reminder. Floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked all of New York allowed the sunlight to shine on the plush, velvety burgundy couches, the marble walls, the exaggerated chandelier, and the fancy built-in bar. You certainly won't mind living here, it was quite a step up from your humble apartment.

"I'll arrange for someone to go pick up your stuff from your apartment," Tony spoke, glancing at you over his shoulder, "do you want to go with or wait here?"

"I can wait here," you shrugged, "As long as they bring all my clothes, my laptop, and my cat."

Tony stopped in his tracks and waited for you to reach his side. He narrowed his eyes, "So we're having an actual cat too?"

You opened and closed your mouth, "Uh- I can't leave her alone in my apartment for so long, Tony."

The billionaire hummed halfheartedly, resuming his path toward the elevator at the far end of the room. "No scratch marks on my furniture, please."

"Me and Thor will have to hang back for now," Fury called, walking up to the built-in bar and pouring himself a drink, "I assume you have it handled from here?" He raised an eyebrow at both you and Tony.

"Yes, darling," Tony answered with a smile and pressed the button for the elevator. He whistled and gestured with a hand for Loki, "Come on, reindeer games, you're with us."

Thor let go of where he had been holding Loki by the arm, "I'll see you later, brother." Not waiting for an answer, he threw a smile your way and joined Fury, already asking about the drink in the director's hand.

Loki approached you with staggered steps, huffing out a sigh when he stopped beside you. He still had those same traces of anger lingering on his features; lips drawn into a line, eyes just a tad narrowed, shoulders tense.

The elevator arrived with a ding and you, Tony, and Loki stepped in; with Loki in the middle.

Your hands were clammy, you brushed them on your black jeans to try and chase the feeling away. You didn't know why you were so nervous, this had been your idea, after all. Maybe it was because you could feel all that tension flowing off of Loki—with him standing so close to you, his shoulder mere inches away from touching yours.

The ride down a few floors was agonizingly slow, with only the low humming of the elevator as it moved.

You cleared your throat and broke the uncomfortable silence. "Tony," you called, leaning just a tad forward so you could see him past Loki. You showed him your wrist and wiggled it, raising your eyebrows pointedly.

A deep frown etched itself into Tony's features until his eyes lit up when he understood what you meant. "Oh, right." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a thin, black bracelet with an even thinner strip of soft green light around it. "Because we are civilized," he began, turning to Loki. "I took the liberty of making you this." He raised the bracelet in front of the god, who looked wholly unimpressed.

Unceremoniously, Tony reached for one of Loki's wrists and clasped the bracelet on him. It closed comfortably yet forcefully, it wasn't coming off anytime soon. Once it was secured, he finally removed the uncomfortable handcuffs Loki was still wearing.

A grimace appeared on Loki's face, he rubbed his wrists as soon as they were free. You winced as you caught sight of the reddish skin from where the cuffs had been pressuring. He then turned the single wrist that now styled the new device, observing it closely with a small frown.

Loki chuckled; "You can't expect this little thing to keep me here."

"I can, actually," Tony explained, gesturing to Loki's bracelet, "This little thing has a tracker and if you try to leave this tower when you're not supposed to, or try to take it off, we will know pretty much immediately." His smile was proud and just a tad mocking.

A scoff went past Loki's lips. "Lovely," he mumbled.

"I would really like it if you did try to escape, by the way," Tony suggested, rather animatedly, "Gives me an excuse to test my new security system." There was a sly smirk on his lips, he shrugged, "You'd probably survive."

"Tony! Come on," you groaned, shooting him a glare.

The billionaire rolled his eyes; "I'm kidding, relax."

The elevator finally arrived at what would be your new home. A whole floor exclusively for you and Loki—it had been your request, you figured it would be more peaceful this way and you knew Tony had the means and space to make it happen. As the doors slid open the first thing you noticed was the living room, it was big, spacious, and had a massive burgundy couch with a huge TV in front of it; on one side of the living room was your own set of floor-to-ceiling windows along with the double doors that led to the balcony, on the other side was the kitchen, an open concept adjacent to the living room; further into the room were two doors, one beside the other, which you assumed were the bedrooms. Everything had a beautiful modern look and exuded luxury, the least you'd expect from something Tony built.

"Right, I'm dropping you two off here and heading down to the lab," Tony clasped his hands together, then turned to you; "Your room is the one on the right, I'll ask them to drop your things there."

You opened your mouth to speak, but Tony beat you to it; "And the cat, yes."

You stepped out of the elevator and a moment later Loki begrudgingly followed. The god didn't wait for you or spared Tony another glance before walking into the living room, taking in the place, his fingers tracing the velvet of the couch as he looked around.

"Thank you, Tony." You watched Loki for a beat longer before turning back to your friend. "Truly." You smiled softly.

A sigh escaped Tony's lips, his eyes darting to Loki, "Hope he's worth all this drama." Settling his attention back on you, he raised a finger, taking on a serious tone, "If you need anything, if he does anything, you call me, understand?"

"Yes," you reassured him, burying your hands in the pockets of your cardigan. "I will, don't worry."

With that, Tony bid you goodbye for now, and you were left alone with Loki. A soft breeze came in through the open windows, sending a shiver down your spine. Everything had happened so fast, one moment Fury was dragging you out of your apartment to help stop a god who wanted to rule over your planet, and now here you were, being roommates with said god. A quiet chuckle fell past your lips. What are the odds?

"You have a strange kind of courage."

Loki's voice rang through the quiet room, capturing your attention and urging you to turn around and face him. Once you locked eyes, you raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking that he elaborate.

"Or should I say… stupidity," A devilish smirk came to Loki's features, and he took slow and calculated steps toward you. "Locking yourself here, alone, with me." His voice grew huskier, lower. His bright eyes roamed up and down your body, until he was close enough that you could nearly feel his breath on your lips. "Oh, the things I could do to you," he whispered, the daunting tilt of his lips ever-present.

You held the silence for a moment longer, doing your best not to avoid his gaze. You knew what he was trying to do; he wanted to intimidate you, make you feel vulnerable and small. Just as he was feeling right now.

"Aren't we past the bluffing already?" You mimicked his smirk. You could tell he was caught by surprise when his eyebrows knitted together in a confused frown. A quiet laugh escaped you and you rolled your eyes. "Come on, let's go see your room." You didn't wait for an answer before walking around him and towards the two doors at the back.

You turned the door handle that led to what would be Loki's bedroom. It was pretty simple and bare, still. There was a double bed against the wall, a dresser, a desk in front of huge double windows, two bedside tables on each side of the bed with a lamp on one of them, a bookcase without any books, and another door that you assumed led to a bathroom.

"It's cozy," you mused, "Give it a little personal touch it'll soon feel like home, right?" You turned to look at Loki, who had made his way to you and was analyzing the room with narrowed eyes.

Instead of entertaining your attempt at banter, he said instead; "you don't want to challenge me, mortal."

You threw your hands in the air, "Oh my god, when did I ever challenge you?" You asked exasperatedly, losing the remains of patience you had. "Is this all you know how to do? Threaten the people who want to help you?"

"Help me?" Loki all but growled, "Because of you I'm stranded on this pathetic planet, and my magic has been taken from me." He spat the words with clenched fists, towering over you, "Don't think for one minute that I've forgotten how you've messed with my mind, just wait until I've-"

"Because of me you are not rotting in a dungeon forever," you raised your voice to match his tone, shoving a finger at his chest, "Because of me you're free from the people who fucking tortured you."

Loki blinked multiple times as soon as the words left your mouth, almost as if you'd slapped him. His lips hovered open yet he didn't speak.

You softened when you caught the flash of hurt in his eyes as the memories undoubtedly came back to the surface. You closed your eyes, breathed in, and opened them again. "Believe it or not, I actually meant it when I said I only wanted to help you."

A half-hearted scoff went past his lips and he shook his head. "And why would you ever do that? Surely not from the goodness of your heart." For the first time, his voice held something other than anger, you just couldn't pinpoint what it was. "What is it that you're after?"

You shrugged as a melancholic smile graced your lips. It was rather sad that Loki couldn't fathom the thought of help coming without a price. "I don't know, maybe I'm just that stupid, right?" You stepped out of his bedroom, holding the door handle, "I'll be outside if you need me." With that you closed the door, leaving Loki alone in his room.

For several moments he simply stood there, eyes fixed on the plain wood of the door. Then a shaky breath went past his lips, and his shoulders sagged; all anger washed away, leaving room only for sorrow. Slowly, reality finally started to down on him. Loki turned around in the spot, gaze roaming over his new chambers. From out the window, he could see the never-sleeping city of New York, the world he once wished to take over; it felt like so long ago already, a far-fetched attempt at filling the gaping hole left in his chest from empty promises.

A sharp sting of pain suddenly pierced his back, going down his spine as he stretched. He winced, rubbing the sore spot. Telltales of his captor, the one you'd freed his mind from.

You. Why would you do what you did? What could you possibly gain by trying to help him?

You confused him, a mystery ever since Loki first laid eyes on you, one he was yet to uncover. The fact that you had been able to pry into his mind so easily, see glimpses of his misfortunes, made him feel uneasy. And from all the things he assumes you could've done, you chose to cut The Other's hold of him, and nothing more.

Loki would never admit to the relief it had been, almost as if plucking out an arrow that had been piercing his skin and making him bleed. He refrained from dwelling on the matter for now, especially if you'd insist that you wanted nothing from him—unlikely.

He took one step forward, and then another, and one more. And his vision grew blurry. He opened his mouth only for a choked sob to stumble out. He'd never felt this bare, this defenseless, this vulnerable.

Loki raised his hands, fingers trembling. He tried to bring all his energy to his fingertips, gritting his teeth as his tears fell past the bottom lid of his eyes and dropped to the floor beneath his feet. Nothing. Not even a single spark of green.

Loki's knees hit the floor. He brought his arms around himself. His whole life, living amongst kings and warriors, his seiðr was all he had. And now, he doesn't know who he is without it.

He wanted to blame you. He so desperately wanted to lay the blame on you for losing his powers, for his exile on earth. Alas, it was a weak attempt. A lie that would do him no good in the end.

Several minutes went by with Loki kneeling on the floor of his bedroom, fading into the background like many times before. And like many times before, he eventually picked himself back up, drying his own tears with the back of his sleeve, and taking deep breaths to calm his bruised heart.

Loki made a beeline for the bathroom, maybe a warm shower would do him some good.

─── ·❆· ───

You were sitting on the kitchen counter when Loki finally left his bedroom again. Tony had already gotten Happy to bring most of your things from your apartment, your cat included. The fluffy ball of grey fur lay beside you as your fingers mindlessly scratched behind her ears, making her purr contently.

The sound of a door closing made you look up from your cell phone. Loki approached you as if he were a stray cat seeing a human for the first time—you briefly wondered just how long it would take him to feel comfortable here. His hair was damp, falling just a little past his shoulders in shiny raven curls; he still wore the same clothes from before and you made a mental note to ask that Tony arrange more clothes for him.

"Hey," you greeted gently with a small smile, "Did you calm down?"

Loki gave you an unamused glare before averting his gaze to the windows on the other side. "No," he mumbled just for the sake of it.

"I'm ordering a bit of a late lunch," you wiggled your phone even though he wasn't looking at you, "Would you like something?"

Slowly, Loki's eyes trailed back to you. He said nothing as he momentarily held your gaze, before focusing on the cat laying beside you. A rather adorable frown came to his features then.

You noticed. "Loki, this is Rain," you introduced, gesturing to the cat. "Rain, that's Loki," then gestured to the god, "He's gonna be our new roomie."

"That's a strange name for a cat," Loki commented, taking half a step closer to you.

You simply shrugged, "It was raining pretty hard the day I found her on the street, it seemed fitting." A beat of silence passed. "You… can pet her if you want, she's friendly," you suggested timidly, pursing your lips as you looked at him.

Loki's eyes shot back to your face, his stern gaze returning. "No."

You sighed and pushed yourself off the counter, much to Rain's dismay, "Okay, listen, whether you like it or not, this is gonna be your life for the foreseeable future, yeah?" You kept your voice as gentle as you could, "So can we try not to make each day feel more miserable than the last? I mean, you have to admit that this is better than whatever dungeon they were going to throw you in." With a tentative smile, you gestured widely to the whole floor that now belonged to both of you.

Loki kept silent, his jaw set tightly in place.

At last, you admitted defeat and accepted the fact that chit-chat would not be a thing. You groaned; "Just- do you want lunch or not?"

"Of course I want lunch," Loki snapped, "I haven't eaten in nearly two days."

Immediately, your eyes went wide with shock, "You haven't-" You hesitated, "What do you mean you haven't eaten in two days? Didn't they feed you back at the Helicarrier?"

It was a fraction of a second, but you thought you saw Loki's gaze softening at your concern. "Why would they bother?" He simply asked.

You gulped, trying to conceal how this made you feel. "No wonder you're so grumpy," you mumbled in an attempt to lighten the mood. "What would you like, then?"

You quickly discovered that Loki was worse at deciding what to eat than you were. For today you settled for pizza, not exactly healthy, but simple and tasty enough. When it arrived, Loki took his slices and promptly locked himself back in his room. Living with him certainly would be an experience; taking him out to connect with your world, that would be a challenge.

─── ·❆· ───

It almost felt like floating. For a moment, he was almost at peace as he fell, and fell, and fell. And then he was alone, wandering through uncharted, hostile lands. Each day was a battle just to keep breathing, to keep walking. His body was weak and giving up on him when he was found, and then, his voice started fading with each of the screams that no one cared to listen to. His skin burned, ripped open, and healed. Only to go through it again, and again. Until all fight was snuffed out of him.

"You will long for something as sweet as pain."

Loki woke up with a start, sitting up on his bed so quickly that a thousand stars danced in his vision. His breathing came out in desperate huffs of air, making his lungs sting and not nearly enough to calm his thundering heart.

He looked around frantically, feeling his lower lip wobble and his cheeks dampening when he didn't recognize his surroundings immediately. Clutching the sheets to ground himself, Loki closed his eyes and did the breathing exercise he taught himself. Slowly, the fog cleared, yet only a little. And when he opened his eyes again, he remembered why he was in this bedroom.

With a long sigh going past his lips, Loki buried his head in his hands, nails clawing at the root of his hair. He could feel his clothes clinging to his body because of the cold sweat.

He couldn't stay here. He needed to get out.

The floor felt cold against his bare feet, it grounded him to reality. Gulping down a lump in his throat, Loki took staggered steps to his door, reaching the handle with an unsteady hand.

They couldn't keep him here forever, they couldn't expect a damn fancy bracelet to keep him from leaving. He'd break it, cut it off if he had to.

The walls around him were suffocating, closing in on him as he stumbled into the living room. It was so dark, nothing but a void of pitch black with even darker shadows shaping the outlines of the furniture around him. Who was to say no harm would reach him here?

A pathetic whimper fell past his lips, tears clouded his vision. He had to get out. He had to escape. He had to-

"Are you okay?"

Loki halted in his steps. His hand gripping tightly onto the back of the couch.

Quiet. The night suddenly became so quiet. The walls were far away now, he realized. There was a cold breeze coming in through the open doors of the balcony, and a single dim orange light coming from the kitchen beside him, chasing away the darkness. Loki could breathe again.

He took several deep breaths and felt the relief in his lungs. Slowly, he turned his gaze to the right, to where the soft light and the sweet voice came from.

You were standing in the middle of the kitchen, holding a steamy mug between both your hands and looking at him with eyes just a tad too wide. You were dressed in a purple hoodie with black sweatpants. This was the first time Loki had seen you wearing anything that wasn't black, he noted.

A small frown came to your features and you took a single step closer, "Is everything okay?" You repeated when he didn't answer you.

"Yes," Loki mumbled, pointedly avoiding your eyes. "Just needed a bit of air."

You nodded in understanding, taking a small sip of your tea. If you felt the troubles inside his mind, you didn't show it.

It was… strange, how your voice was able to pull him from the depths of his own mind. Loki forced himself not to dwell too much on it. You had successfully distracted him, that's all.

He straightened his posture, feeling a little self-conscious for being witnessed in such a state. "Don't you sleep?" He raised a brow at you, praying you wouldn't notice the rawness of his voice.

You tapped your mug. Your gaze on him was unwavering, almost as if you could see into his very soul. Loki shifted his stance; not for the first time, he felt way too bare before you.

"I could ask the same of you." You walked closer, and then past him, heading towards the balcony.

Loki followed. Thoughts of escaping long forgotten. You intrigued him.

The air outside was colder than the floor beneath his feet. From this high up in the tower, the wind was almost howling. New York looked like nothing but a sea of blinking lights.

You leaned on the railing, mug in hand as you looked down at the city. Loki approached slowly, warily, until he stood beside you.

"Sometimes, even if I don't want to, I can feel… whispers of people's feelings," you continued, voice quiet amidst the wind. "The nights are calmer," You closed your eyes, breathing in deeply, "Quieter. Sometimes I like to enjoy the silence."

For a long moment, Loki said nothing. He blinked lazily as he mulled over your words. He'd be lying if he said your abilities didn't fascinate him. And then, he remembered, and his breathing stumbled again.

He had to know.

"How-" Loki hesitated. He focused down on his hand, on the faint scars on the back of it. "How did you know?" It was nothing but a breath, as if he didn't have the guts to speak louder tonight.

You turned to him, cocking your head to the side.

Loki pursed his lips. "How did you know… My mind was…" He cursed under his breath when the words got stuck and tangled in his tongue.

"I felt it." You told him simply, your voice as soft as satin. "When they first brought you in, I- I felt this… heaviness, like something wasn't quite right…"

Loki chanced a single glance towards you, only to find your eyes already focused on him. They were shining under the moonlight, "Like it was hurting you."

You spoke as if it was a secret, one you weren't sure was yours to keep.

Loki sneered. He avoided your gaze promptly, knuckles turning white with the force he gripped onto the railings.

"You're ridiculous," the words fell past Loki's lips before he could stop them. They were all he had to protect himself. "Why would you ever go against your peers to help someone like me? When I've threatened your life and killed your kind?" Yet now, he didn't know if he was saying them to mock you, or to punish himself.

"I don't believe you're truly bad," You confessed without an ounce of doubt or anger, voice steady and gentle as the cold wind.

Loki's gaze found yours again, and he couldn't recall if anyone had ever looked at him the way that you do.

Your smile didn't hold happiness; "You have sad eyes."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Ch 4 coming soon.

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3

You do not have permission to repost, copy, or translate my works on any platforms (even with credit), please respect.

Loki’s taglist: @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @justaproudslytherpuff @justanotherkpopstanlol @chronicallybubbly @chaoticqueen33 @7minutes-tomidnight @uncle-eggy @oliviaewl @dd122004dd @tani725 @innebulae @mochminnie @mayemperess @alyeskathewave @buginktsworld @cremebruleequeen @wyvernthekriger @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @avengersfan25 @mischief2sarawr @yokolesbianism @athenasproverbs @h-l-vlovesvintage @princess-ofthe-pages @daisy-the-quake @talesofadragon @rainbowsocks @alexandra-001 @mary-jinx @stevenknightmarc @falconxsoldier @ladymercury8 @shirukitsune @ladymischief11 @starkzdaughter @navs-bhat @creat0r-cat @anundyingfidelity @creationcitystreet-em @or-was-it-just-a-dream @agustdpeach @agent-tempest @spidermantaylorsversion @127djarin @imthedoctorlove @lokidokieokie @cookieeecutter @anuncalledbridge @awkwardnesshabitat @nixtape-foryou @acehyacinth

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki imagine #loki #marvel #loki series #loki x you #marvel x reader #loki x female reader #imagine #fanfic #angst #fluff #loki fanfic #my story #loki laufeyson x reader #tangle me in all your broken pieces

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hlficlibrary · 7 months

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🧡 The Baby Whisperer by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom {E, 18k}

Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down.

OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

🧡 Fugue by iwillpaintasongforlou / @canonlarry {E, 16k}

Harry falls asleep a 17 year-old who lives in Cheshire and is probably rockstar Louis Tomlinson's biggest fan. He wakes up 24 with a wedding ring on his finger, two kids, and Louis Tomlinson attempting to wake him up with a blow job. The doctor calls it organic retrograde amnesia, says he might never get back the last seven years of his life. The only thing that feels the same is how he feels when Louis touches him, and maybe that's enough to make him fall in love all over again.

🧡 You're A Universe by Jiksa / @jiksax {E, 15k}

Harry doesn’t ever mean to hurt him; Louis doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s the only thing he ever does anymore.

Or, Louis’s a stay-at-home dad in London and Harry’s a business expat in Qatar. Louis doesn’t know how much longer their marriage can survive the distance.

🧡 reckless behaviour by @nouies {E, 13k}

Harry is a retired football player looking for a new opportunity. Louis is the image consultant hired to help him find it.

🧡 It'll Be by @styleandsin {E, 13k}

Louis has always wanted children and he decides he's done waiting for love to come first. However, after adopting a baby girl just days after she's born, he quickly realizes how hard parenting is. Louis hires Harry to be his Nanny, and it all works out great. Until Louis falls in love with him.

🧡 How It Begins (series) by @phdmama {E, 8k}

New town, new job, new school for his daughter. It's a chance to start again for Louis Tomlinson, a clean slate.

Or is it?

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 3 months

Text

Currently Watching - April

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.04.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

I am happy about gif-requests 🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

Tracking: #josistag

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in April with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 25 Ju, Akasaka de 🇯🇵 (2/10)

They were fellow students and now they have to play in a BL together. One of them is two years older and popular. For the other one, this is his first big role and he needs it, so he is determined to to anything he needs to do, to be a good actor. Even when this means to find a partner and fall in love to be able to play the role perfectly. Why not try to be lovers with your co-star. All for the sake of the series of course.

2. Blue Boys 🇰🇷 (2/4)

This short series is quite good. I saw the first episode by chance and I was hooked, but lost it again, because I couldn't track it on MDL. Now it is up there. I hope these two can resolve their missunderstanding, with talking! But they are too hungry for each other...

3. Boys Be Brave! 🇰🇷 (2/8)

Enemies to lovers, but different. Jinwoo likes Kisub and Kisub knows this. But while Kisub gives his heart away to every person who hits on him and can't really say No to anyone, Jinwoo loves to build up his wall and hide behind a strong No. Their worlds collide, when Kisub moves in with Jinwoo, if he likes it or not. Great first episodes!

4. Cityboy_Log 🇰🇷 (12/?)

They are back and unhinged like before! Jihan and Jaejun met after a while because they were busy and it seems they had some catching up to do the night before. We get some daily vlogging, some cuteness and some jealousy, which wasn't that cute. But they are finally back and I am happy. The acting is still very good. There is no deeper story behind, just some idols, models and actors falling in love with each other and theit daily lifes.

5. Deep Night 🇹🇭 (3/8)

his is everything I was expecting, so it didn't disappoint, I guess. To be honest, I watch this for First. I guess he would have chemistry with a stick, soooo this is nice. And I hope the story, at least stays like this and won't get worse... Update: This show is a mess 😂 there is so much going on all at once and at the same time nothing really happens? It is so confusing, yet very entertaining. But Wela, my dear, it is totally okay to be pissed if one fucks with you, while you are so drunk you can't remember shit the next day... Just a thought.

6. Kare no Iru Seikatsu 🇯🇵 (3/8)

Kazuhito has no girlfriend and the ones he had, broke up with him, because they felt he likes someone else... Who might that be?... The story is simple, I guess? (But perhaps not that simple... The preview for ep 3 looks interesting.) Childhood friends are forced to move in together after spending time apart. One is a little bit naive and is trying to find out why girls breaking up with the most charming and handsome guy he knows and the latter is in love with the naive one and in the end they have their happy ending. I like it. I want to see their growth.

7. Love Is Like A Cat 🇰🇷 (10/12)

Who thought this was a good idea? Who wrote this? Who said cut at the end of scenes? Who thought this is be the way Mew should act? I cringe so hard and not in a funny way. This series is just bad. I keep watching because of this little bean. But I had to skip so many scenes in today's episodes, because it was just so bad! And I can't figure out if Mew just didn't want to be there and act or if that is the way the director wanted him to act... But the acting is bad. Bad choices everywhere. And the dialogues? Cringe... Why would a bean like Dae Byeol fall for Uno? Nope...

8. My Stand-In 🇹🇭 (1/12)

Okay, hear me out. I watch this for Poom and for Poom only. But the story lookes interesting, it was quite intriguing. I don't know why, but I cringed a bit too much at some scenes. But Poom is beautiful and that is all I care about. Yes, I can be this shallow!

9. Only Boo 🇹🇭 (4/12)

The cringe was so strong with this one this week! I had to pause multiple times, but at the same time I enjoyed it so much! Moo is so unhinged and I love him! But please! Don't let Moo's cousin become a possible love interest for Kang. I know we got this dream sequence this week, but there is something in the air between Shone and him... and I don't like it. The second couple... I felt really sad for them this week. Beeing in love with your best friend is never easy...

10. Unknown 🇹🇼 (12/12)

The story about found family, childhood trauma and struggling topped with a lovestory between "brothers". They aren't really brothers so I really don't care and just enjoy this forbidden and hurtful lovestory to the fullest. This is exactly what I hoped for! The longing, tension and hurting is so good! It is the aftermath of the shooting and Qian is still dealing with his emotions and his feelings for Yuan. The love between them is real and strong, but Qian is afraid and can't just let his heart decide over the head, yet. He loves Yuan, but is afraid what that means for them and especially for Yuan's future. And yet he held him back. He was the one reaching out in the end! I have said enough about them and this first part of ep 11 in my post. I love them. My heart belongs to them. I wish we had more developement between these two as a couple, but I still love them and I forgive this show the rush in the end, because I love it so much.

11. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Those two flirt a lot and are a married couple. Everyone knows that. And I love and enjoy that! Overall this is such a fun watch and the different sects and intrigues are sometimes a little bit confusing, but interesting. I love this world of martial arts and I love how protective Wen Kexing is over Zhou Zishu.

Finished in April

Series

My Strawberry Film 🇯🇵

This is what I call a love triangle. And the fact that the screenwriters worked for Eien No Kinou or Jack o'Frost promised some heartbreak and teenage angst. And they delivered. I really like this series. And I felt so many emotions, especially for Ryo. And I really loved the ending. No fake relationship and no unrealistic confessions, just some teenagers in love and being friends. And I think Hiraku was such a sweet friend in this last episode. He apologized and he finally recognized Ryo's feelings for him. And I believe they stay friends in the future. It might be difficult, but a good friendship is worth fighting for. It has so much to do with respect and love for each other. It is a solid 8 out of 10 for me.

Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto 🇯🇵

The story about highschool sweethearts, who didn't have the chance to enjoy their young love, because of horrible family backgrounds. Their story is devastating and I am happy they found their way back to each other. The story was good, the acting was good, I am in love with Furuya Robin, which is nice, and the side characters were special (shoutout to Yuto!). I wish there was more "passion" from Miyata, but I guess it is due to his character. Overall it was a good watch and I enjoyed it! A good 8 out of 10 for me.

Jazz For Two 🇰🇷

I love bls about music and about traumatic pasts. The second couple has my heart. I just love them coming together. Usually I hate this bully-trope, but with them, I kinda enjoyed it. Perhaps because Jooha always looked like a hurting puppy. Overall the homophobia in this one is strong and I think it is interesting to see them deal with their own feelings. Internal and external homophobia is such a big thing in all their stories and I wish they had more time to show the developement from hating themselves to loving the other person and themselves. But in my opinion they made a good story and a good show. I like it very much. And what was that kiss in the end? Wow! A good 9 out of 10 for.

To Be Continued 🇹🇭

I really like this one! I read some comments that the reason they never got together was just stupid, but from their perspective I can understand why they reacted how they reacted. They were young and unsure what to do and what all of this meant for them and their friendship. What I liked about the show was the present and past scenes. We learned so much about their past and the scenes fitted perfectly. It was a really good series and I am glad I waited to binge it. Guess I come back to this one from time to time. Rewatch value is there. And those two have really good chemistry! A good 9 out of 10 for me.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in April

We are 🇹🇭

I dropped this after the first half of the first episode. There are a few reasons for that. First, I need some shows to binge on lonely sundays. And second, I just don't feel like watching this one. It was so quirky for me. Not my kinf od humor right now.

Looking forward to in April

Love is like a cat - Trailer (Apr 1st)

We are - Trailer (Apr 3rd)

Memory in a letter - Trailer (Apr 6th)

Grey Shelter (Apr 11th)

Kare no Iru Seikatsu - Trailer (Apr 12th)

The Spirealm (Apr 15th)

Boys be brave! (Apr 25th)

25 Ji, Akasaka de (Apr 19th)

Kimi to Yukite Saku: Shinsengumi Seishunroku (Apr 25th)

My Stand-In - Trailer (Apr 26th)

Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai VS Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko 2024

Knock Knock, Boys - Trailer

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 2 months

Note

What if the reader acts like Nicole from Class 09? Like all the things that happened to her but g/n?

Okay, I got that idea after I start thinking over that request. I slightly changed it. I hope, you are okay with that, and I apologize in advance.

Masks we were forced to wear

Sort of! Self-Aware! Yosano Akiko x GN! Traumatized! Reader

Description: Your past still haunts you. You just want to escape.

Warning: English is my second language. AU - World of Tech-magical Progress. Film Industry Abuse (Reader are forced to be filmed, forced to act like Nicole) Mentions of heavy topics (drugs, shooting). Open finale.

You couldn't move. Medical restraints were keeping you in one place. Your body was shaking, you were sweating.

Wet cloth were put on your forehead. Through pain and foggy gaze, you see Yosano.

Doctor had bags under her eyes. She whispered.

"Don't worry, [Y/N], we will go through it together."

You breathe through your nostrils. It has only been two days, since your treatment started, and you already wanted to quit it. But, you knew, that they won't let you go back.

Because they cared. For some reason, they cared about someone, like you.

__________

This world was full of magic, technology and progress. Every aspect of everyday life and tied with hundreds of magitek gadgets.

Teleports, machines that make food out of water, holographic screens...

And Restarter... The "Holy Grail" of Entertainment Industry.

Years of research. Years of building. Years of magic power flowing into the mechanism.

And it was done.

Mechanism, that will scan a person, save information, and, after said person would put into Restarter's cabin, revert them to the state, described in saved information.

What kind of sick bastard thought, that this thing should be used to make films more realistic, instead of putting it into hospitals?

It all started small.

Real bruises and scratches, instead of makeup. Real tattoos.

It was only a matter of time, before they will go further.

__________

That TV Series supposed to be progressive. To show, how terrible schools can be. How terrible teachers can be. How terrible students can be.

And you were a mane star.

You had some similarities with the main caracter. Your families had a similar past, your older brother was a lazy man, who couldn't care less about anyone, besides himself, and you, while not as bad as the main, character, you could be a jerk sometimes.

Everything changed, when filming started.

Countless failed scenes. Days, spend in a studio.

Being chocked, shot, drugged...

And every day was ended in a cramped cabin of Restarter.

It could reverse your body injuries.

It could never reverse your mind.

___________

You hated everyone.

Your fellow actors, director, producer, operator, your mother, your brother, your father, fans of the series.

You hated, that you can't quit, that you were forced to go through borderline torture in studio, that you were forced to acts a sociopath before fans.

Because that's what people want to see. Because Restarter will undo the damage. Because you have no reason to complain, shut up, and bring your mother another paycheck...

You stopped care. If you had some sympathy in you, it was buried deep inside you by years of "industrial abuse".

You were forced to wear a mask. And, after all this year's, remains of it still clung to your face.

When you finally became eighteen, you took last paycheck, broke the contract and left the country.

__________

You avoid talking to people as much as you can.

You stopped watching anything, that have real-life actors. You stuck to animation and drawings.

The world was full of sick people. And you were the sickest among them.

__________

When BSD Cast appeared before you, you thought, that time, you get some strong painkillers. However, no hallucination can be warm and try to take away the bottle of pills from your hands.

Yosano can be surprisingly strong.

_________

Your head hurts. You just got a bunch of information dumped on you. You spoke up.

"You... You are mistaken... I am not a hero... I am not a good person... I... can't care about real people, including myself.... I... still care about you all.... But... I could stop..."

You looked up at them.

"You heard me ranting about my past, right? You knew what you will deal with... I can give you money, I still get royalties. But, please... Leave. Don't sink with me."

Everyone was quiet. Then Naomi spoke.

"Tea. You promised Kirako and I drink tea together. Are you... care about us enough to fulfill this one promise?"

You wanted to snarl at her, but get over it. You were hungry. You can keep yourself and have one tea party.

You slowly nodded and stand up.

"Fine. I will bring the cattle..."

You turn on your heels.

You made step forward kitchen.

Something sharp pricked your neck.

And world became black.

____________

🐾 And long month of treatment started. Yosano explained, that they can't just leave you in that state. They will cure you, made few visits to your “colleges”. And, after justice is served and you are healthy, they will leave.

🐾 For months, you were under constant watch. For months, you were getting news about your family, director, actors and everyone, who were involved, being exposed for various crimes.

Restarters were banned.

What you needed all this years ago finally happened.

And BSD Cast always were near.

Taking care of you, getting psychological help to you.

Trying to bring [Y/N], the real person back from the stink mess, called [Y/N], The Lead Actor, playing the role 24/7.

You finally felt emotions again.

_________

You opened your mouth, letting Naomi feed you another spoon of porridge. Yosano was checking the results of the blood test.

"Your test is showing better results, then the test from last week. It is good. Soon, you will be healthy."

You opened your mouth. Before Naomi could feed you again, you spoke.

"Just... Just leave me... Find a better person to stay with..."

Your voice was soft again. But, you knew, that you couldn't truly become how you were, before the filming.

Yosano raised an eyebrow.

"Do you really want it? Or did you change your mind?"

You didn't answer.

_______

It was over.

You got justice. Your health became better.

You were standing before BSD Cast, like a year and a half ago.

And you finally have an answer about the future.

Stay... Or leave....

You opened your mouth.

And tell them about your decision

_________

A/N: Reader's choice is up to you. Did they stay? Or did they leave?

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #Self-Aware Yosano Akiko

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prettyboybillyhargrove · 1 year

Text

Dacre Montgomery is ready to work

There’s a famous audition tape of Dacre Montgomery’s online. Maybe you’ve seen it; some 18 million people have. And it’s captivating to watch, not just because of Montgomery’s intensity, but because of the clear control that he has at such a young age. That steady ferocity cuts right through the screen, even though he’s just ‘running lines’ against a plain blue backdrop. It also cut through the sea of other actors gunning for a role in Stranger Things and made him Billy Hargrove, the resident bad guy on the sci-fi drama that broke Netflix viewership records on its way to becoming one of the biggest shows in TV history.

It’s been almost six years since that audition made Montgomery a global star, but the man sitting in front of me has lost none of that vigour. Reclining in a side room at a studio in Sydney before the photoshoot accompanying this article, the now 28-year-old looks casual. He’s wearing a plain black T-shirt, white shorts and one of those non-descript navy caps movie stars wear when they want to be incognito. The outfit is a simple one, designed to avoid attention—a far cry from the red carpet fashion that Montgomery favours. But as he starts talking about the thing he loves most—movies and the process of making them—that same intensity takes over; a passion that has him on the edge of his seat.

“When I was in my early teens, all I did was stay in my room and watch movies. And I fell in love with everything,” he says. The reverence, the obsession, is what drives Montgomery, and not just when it comes to acting. On set for today’s shoot, Montgomery—who was recently named the face of Politix’s new autumn/winter “The Gentle Man” campaign—is completely locked in. Unlike some who see an ambassador role as an opportunity to make a quick buck, Montgomery has signed on because he’s excited about the brand’s refreshed look and new chapter. “I don't just rock up on time. I rock up 10 minutes early,” he told me, “I don't just give one idea, I give 10 ideas because I don't engage with anything unless I'm authentically interested in it.”

He’s not kidding. After each burst of shots, he pores over them like he’s the creative director, rather than the subject—not out of vanity, but to see if the images are challenging enough. At one point, he grabs a mirror from the corner of the room. “Let’s just try it”, he tells the crew, and proceeds to work it straight into the shoot.

This dedication to perfection hasn’t always been easy for him or the people around him. After Stranger Things, the search for the next perfect role was almost paralysing. “Before I felt like, ‘look, I'm not going to take anything unless I'm 150 per cent invested’,” he says, and eventually, that attitude led to Montgomery parting ways with his team—his management, agents, everyone.

During that period, which he describes as a creative hole, Montgomery tried anything and everything. He wrote poetry (which was released as a book by publisher Andrews McMeel under the title DKMH and turned into a spoken word podcast of the same name), made short films, and dedicated himself to learning the arts of cinematography and screenwriting—at some points, he was watching three films a day, “morning, noon, night”, just like he did as a teenager.

Part of the fear that drove him into that lull was the looming presence of being typecast. When there are roles being offered to you left, right and centre, which one is the ‘perfect’ next step to take? This year, he has started climbing out of that hole, engaging more filmmakers as well as taking on roles like the one with Politix. But, there is still a sense of wariness.

For example, as news broke that Hugh Jackman wouldn’t be returning as Wolverine—a decision that he has since reversed—rumours swirled that Montgomery might step into the role. But for him, it’s about the filmmakers rather than any big-name character. “It’s just finding filmmakers that I'm really interested in working with and going from there as opposed to it being like, ‘oh, I've always wantedto play Wolverine or Bane’,” he says, “but also, I’m feeling a little bit of Marvel fatigue. I’m not really interested in it in the same way that I was.”

Montgomery isn’t alone in his ‘Marvel fatigue’, plenty of moviegoers aren’t as interested as they once were—just look at the recent box office figures—but it’s another example of how he’s a film fan first, and an actor second. He can thank his parents for that.

“My dad started taking me to films that I shouldn't have been seeing when I was a kid,” Montgomery says, “but he worked in the film industry and he would explain to me the process of everything.” From the very beginning, he was exposed to not just the definitive films of the time, but also how they were made. His mother and father would take him to the sets they were working on and show him the ins and outs. “It was like, ‘here’s the unadulterated version of the world and the industry and here are all the ins and the outs of how movies are made.”

For some actors, fame, as much as the films that inspire them, is a driver. And it’s only if they reach a level of success that they really see how the sausage is made—which is not always pretty, especially if they aren’t backed by a huge studio. Thanks to his parents, Montgomery is a rare actor who has always known about the gritty reality of making low-budget films—the long days, the repetition, the egos—but that’s what he fell in love with. “I'm not here for money or notoriety or anything like that,” he says, “I really care about the work and that's what I'm there for.”

But it’s that moment when he actually steps in front of the camera and it’s time to perform that has always had Montgomery hooked. “When you’re on set, I don't try to take up too much space and I wait until it’s my time to go in front of the camera and do my little thing. But when I do that… It's ecstasy. There’s nothing but that moment, do you know what I mean?”

Though it’s been a few years since Montgomery has had those moments and shared them with the world—Elvis, in which he was a scene-stealer, was largely filmed in 2020—he’s getting back to work. “I am climbing out of that [hole] and what that looks like is me engaging with more filmmakers,” he says. Of the three filmmakers he has agreed to work with—at least publicly—one thing is clear: they aren’t interested in making simple, sugar-coated work.

The first film we are likely to see in Montgomery’s next chapter is Spider & Jesse, directed by Dan Kay, which dives into the far-reaching consequences of addiction. “It’s about two girls that find their mother dead in the first scene and they bury her in the backyard so they don't have to go into the foster care system,” Montgomery explains, “I play the mum’s ex-boyfriend that was dealing her the drugs.”

It’s an unglamorous role with limited screen time, but that didn’t bother Montgomery because it was clear the film, and the people behind it, had something vital to say. “I realised they were on a mission to give insight into the people that are affected by addiction—family, friends, and people they're associated with rather than shedding light on the addicts themselves.”

Filming on Spider & Jesse, which took place in Florida, has already wrapped, but Montgomery’s other two projects are yet to begin production. Both are ambitious, and both defy simple explanation. The first, titled Went Up That Hill, comes from Samuel Van Grinsven, a New Zealand-born, Sydney-based director who became a festival circuit favourite with his feature debut Sequin in a Blue Room.

In essence, Montgomery says the film is an assessment of abuse and how trauma lingers from our childhoods. Beyond the message of the film though, it’s the challenging acting work—he’s heading to Berlin to work with co-star Vicky Krieps (Phantom Thread, Old), Van Grinsven and a movement coach to prepare for the complex role—that has attracted him.

The same goes for Faces of Death, the other project Montgomery has been linked to, which is a remake of a 1978 American mondo horror film notoriously banned for years in countries across the world, including Australia, due to its graphic depictions of death. “I have a really interesting co-star [Euphoria’s Barbie Ferreira] who I love, and the character is a serial killer, and for me, it was like, ‘what’s the thing that’s going to scare me so much about creating this character?’” he says of the film, “So I rang the director and I was like, ‘I want to go visit a serial killer in a state penitentiary in the state of California when I'm back because it scares the shit out of me’.”

After these films wrap up, Montgomery plans to start his journey into directing. “I want to direct my first movie and right now I'm in the process of working on the script with my writer and then I'm going to go on the process of trying to put the movie together,” he says, and he won’t give much more than that away, but if there’s anything we’d wager on, it’s that the movie will be challenging—both to make and in concept.

If these types of films don’t sound like they’ll be box office smashes or Oscar bait, Montgomery isn’t worried. “To me, the success of the movie is in the making of the movie,” he says. “And the outcome of the movie looks like a cathartic experience making [it], as opposed to some other thing like, ‘Oh, I want to get into this film festival and I want the film to have a 4.0 on Letterboxd.’ That's not what I'm doing it for.”

The same attitude goes for his partnership with Politix. Beyond filmmaking, Montgomery is passionate about the way that fashion allows him to control his direct experience. “I suffer from incredibly bad OCD,” he shares, “And I have always found comfort in controlling my surroundings, and that is fabric. My mood is very affected by what I have on my skin and what I have in my space and what I can smell and all that sort of stuff bleeds into my personal life aside from fashion.”

As with his project selection in cinema, the aesthetics are one thing, but for Montgomery to come on board he has to believe in the direction of the project.

“I'm interested in [Politix’s] reworking of the company and what they’re doing to reshape it for 2023 and onwards. But what I was genuinely interested in is that sensitivity of masculinity because that really is me. I am a very sensitive person. I'm very sensitive to my space and to interactions in my life. And I think this whole campaign is really about unpacking what is that.”

Once Montgomery signed on with Politix to become its new face, as with his films, he was all in. From the campaign direction to the execution of the advertising, Montgomery has been instrumental. He’s not just arriving, taking some photos and leaving—as with the photoshoot accompanying this shoot, he’s trying to make it the best he can.

“I want the product to be good, just as good as they want the product to be and not hopefully from a narcissistic point of view, from a point of view of I want it to be good,” he says, “That's more important to me than the paycheck or how many people see it or how successful the campaign is. That's the through line for me.”

It’s this sheer dedication to craft and passion for the work that has seen Montgomery through to where he is today. It’s what made that Stranger Things audition tape so arresting and, if he pulls off his big swings, may just make him one of the most memorable actors Australia has produced. Whether those ambitious punches land or not, there’s no doubt about one thing: Montgomery is ready to do the work.

PRODUCTION CREDITS:

Words by Charlie Calver

Photography by Jesse Lizotte

Styling by Miguel Urbina Tan

Fashion assisting by Isabella Mamas

Grooming by Joel Foreman

Production by Jade Carp

Dacre Montgomery wears Politix throughout; politix.com.au

#dacre montgomery #billy hargrove #stranger things #gq #gq australia #politix #spider & jesse #went up that hill #faces of death

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professorspork · 23 days

Note

director's commentary sdau emerald scene

You know, I really should have seen this coming but I didn't.

Let's put it under a cut bc moderate spice and considerable length:

This scene went through more iterations and re-writes than the vast majority of its brethren.

I dug around in our chat history to find the exact moment we generated the idea, because this one wouldn't have happened without you. and you know what I learned?

it dates to mid-January 2023, which is literally before I started posting newsbees. this idea is OLD. it is some of the EARLIEST MATERIAL of sdau.

I told you I was reading this for fic research in the middle of an unrelated discussion about Emerald; you then joked that all you could think about was Emerald at the sex club giving vytal fic vibes, just bored out of her skull while people throw themselves at her, and I said I hadn't come up with a role for her yet.

you: emerald would try to go to the sex club after getting out of a toxic relationship the way blake did and then she'd be there for 15 minutes and nope the fuck out and run away me: which, actually-- she could be one of blake's one-off partners where after about 5 minutes blake's like "you are allowed to leave we really don't have to do this" and em's like OHTHANKGOD

I briefly considered a much crueler idea in which Blake witnessed Emerald and Cinder doing a scene together, but we quickly agreed that the original idea was the better one.

I haven't been able to find chat history about it, so I'm moderately certain that I didn't tell you about the fact that I'd decided to read poor Emerald for filth and give her the Mommy kink until I started showing you the scene in its original incarnation, in mid-July of 2023 (which has the benefit of showing just how long this project has taken me, lmao).

me: emerald. sweetheart. when you say mommy kink most people assume that means you wanna be coddled and not that you want to be negged. just. just saying me: emerald do you know what mothers are me: emerald

That first version of the scene differed in several keys ways from the final product, but the most crucial of those was that in the first go-around, Blake actually agreed to give Emerald her number. Em asked for it, and Blake said "Sure, I'd like that," and then the scene ended.

I sat on that for *checks time stamps* approximately 29 hours before I broke the news to you that, upon reflection, I didn't buy it; I just couldn't believe that Blake would be in a healthy enough place mentally to do that. the better and more accurate thing for the story would be for Blake to chicken out and then regret it, because she couldn't be for Em what Sun had been for her.

you: oh no why are you doing that it makes me sad me: because if blake is in a cool enough place to do that with em her actually exchanging numbers with yang doesn't hit as hard you: but now I'm so sad me: i mean it's still ME i'm sure i'll find a way for her to encounter em again before the end

(hmmm. Did I do that in the end? I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND FIND OUT, DEAR READERS.)

from there, once I'd figured out what the scene was truly for, it was still a lot of effort and tweaking before I got it to read how I wanted to: threading the simultaneous needles of being lowkey arousing but also inarguably unsettling from the jump, so that you're seeing those red flags but maybe, like Blake, thinking they can be overcome until it's very obvious they Can't. I struggled with how to frame it so that it came through that Blake was being... mmm, let's say reckless without crossing the line into Blake being irresponsible, and I wasn't happy with my first stabs at it. in the very first draft, after Em says says she doesn't want to discuss her burn scar and adds "There, that's a boundary, since you wanted one so bad," the prose goes 'There is absolutely no way they are fucking at this point, given Emerald's attitude, and… Blake doesn't know why she stays.'

Which: why would I tell the reader that? It's way too on the nose, and drains the scene of all tension! it also made the spanking moment read as overtly didactic in a way that I didn't like and hadn't intended, so. I tried to drill down into what I thought it was about.

adding the flashback moments to Blake's encounter with Trifa helped considerably; that wasn't in the first draft at all, though the fact that she'd had that encounter was already canon. taking a look at it again, I realized weaving those two together was an opportunity to show why Blake "lets" Emerald make this mistake and indulges her, because it's the same thing Blake went through and she understands it. massaging the tempo and timbre of my vocab took some doing so Blake wasn't in full-on panic attack mode and thus making it all seem WORSE than it already was.

and the final thing I changed was just... twisting that knife more and adding to their rapport. the original draft was brief; it went right from Emerald giving the Cinder backstory to Blake being like "congrats on past tense" and then it was the phone number ask. it was important to me to elaborate on why these two had chemistry, on how they were parallel, and on just how much they liked each other and vibed-- on just how much of an opportunity Blake was missing out on. so Blake laughing more at Em's jokes, and getting the Mercury context, that all came later.

in total, I think this scene had like five or six discrete iterations before reaching its final form.

#sdau #fic what i wrote

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ouroboros-hideout · 3 months

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WIP WHENEVER

Got tagged by @aggravateddurian for this.

Thank you a lot! It´s been a while (I think. What year is it?)

Currently on hold. I am moving in a week and my PS is already packed up in a box. But besides that I am way more hooked at things outside of the game so I will get back to that later. Still manifesting the idea to buy a PC later this year.

ART

My tablet and I aren´t friends atm so nothing much here aswell. Have two small things cooking, but it´s all concepting atm.

Another thing is a logo design I am doing for Aon and her bunch of Nomads. Really broke my stupid head about a name for the mine she built her business in and ended up with: Lynx´s den. Why I will explain when I can actually show the thing. Her gang will call themselves „Lynxed“ or „The Lynxed“. It´s a made up word from the term Jinxed + Lynx. Since they are a group of sad little bastards it fits quite well, even if it has a rather negative conotation.

Besides that I had a huge What-if brainrot for my writing and have some alternative apperances in head for blorbo girl. And for my main hc too ofc. Still traumatized by the Kurt art I did lmao, but need to draw the mfer again aswell. Will see when the inspiration/motivation hits.

WRITING

I am currently 100% in wirting and brainrot mode. But will get back into other things hopefully soon aswell. But I want to use the time where I am able to juggle some letters into smth usefull.

Like Napalm is still going. Last thing where those 3 „In between things“ and I am close (I am going to jinx it) to finish the next longer chapter. Fingers crossed the writing flow will last till I managed to upload it.

Another thing is Aon´s diary I mentioned (a long?) time ago. I really want to create something visual for it too. Baddieghest circus director @blackrevell enabled me into the idea to go for a Red Dead Redemption – like style with some sketches for every entry.

So far I have one entry about the moment right after Aon had to flee from her home and hide with her former boyfriend in Moscow - but no sketch yet.

The last thing would be the already mentioned huge What-if moment I had some days ago, where I stripped Aon of her Nomad background and turned her full Corpo (I think that just happends in this fandom at some point, does it?). In this AU she will be a high ranking officer at SovOil´s Security Forces. Through some circumstances she will turn sides to Militech and will end up in Kurt´s unit, serving with him, going to war with him and building Dogtown from the ground up with him. It´s quite interessting and insanely helpfull to explore a blorbo in a different way. Really clears the mind.

I wrote two little txt about it already but actually have no idea where this will lead. So far I had „fun“ with exploring the dynamics of Kurt and Rosie within this AU since it will play a big part in the beginning. Didn´t upload it yet on AO3 but probably will at a point (when I don´t get triggerd by the UI/UX of this page).

That´s it so far. Will tag some of you folks. But no pressure, just show smth if you like!

@cybervesna @blackrevell @olath124 @cyberholic77 @wanderingaldecaldo @dustymagpie @fonfan121 @universalwriter1994 @kdval @chevvy-yates @therealnightcity @theviridianbunny @breezypunk @cybersteal @streetkid-named-desire

#wip whenever #oc stuff #writing stuff #art stuff

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lokiondisneyplus · 9 months

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Loki has worn many hats since his initial appearance in the Marvel Cinematic Universe in 2011.

In the first “Avengers” movie, the God of Mischief, played by Tom Hiddleston, descended on New York City with an alien army. In “Thor: Ragnarok,” he teamed up with his brother to protect the people of Asgard, morphing from villain to antihero. And now, in the second season of the “Loki” television series, which premieres Thursday on Disney+, he embarks on a new and unlikely mission — saving the Time Variance Authority.

Season 2 of “Loki” takes place in the aftermath of the mayhem from the first installment, in which Loki and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino), a free-spirited Loki variant, arrived at the end of history. There, they discovered He Who Remains (Jonathan Majors), the time-bending scientist who masterminded the T.V.A. to prevent another war between the many variants of himself.

When Sylvie stabs He Who Remains, she plunges the T.V.A. and the Sacred Timeline into chaos, unleashing the multiverse. As Season 2 commences, new worlds branch from the timeline, T.V.A. forces splinter into factions and Loki grapples with a problem called time-slipping as he is caught in a tug of war between past and present.

To preserve the T.V.A., Loki reunites with familiar characters — including the wry Mobius (Owen Wilson) and Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) — as well as new ones, such as O.B., a T.V.A. fix-it man played by the Oscar-winning actor Ke Huy Quan, and Victor Timely, a 19th-century inventor and Kang variant played by Majors. (Majors is facing charges related to a misdemeanor assault case after being arrested in March in New York. Filming for Season 2 of “Loki” had already finished before the arrest.)

With the original director Kate Herron leaving the project, Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead, who helped direct “Moon Knight,” became the new lead directors on a majority of the episodes. Eric Martin, who helped write some of the first season’s episodes, has become head writer.

In a video call from his writing studio in Los Angeles, Martin spoke about crafting the plot and characters of Season 2 and working with Quan in his new role.

ImageKe Huy Quan as O.B., Wunmi Mosaku as Hunter B-15, Tom Hiddleston as Loki and Owen Wilson as Mobius.Credit...Marvel/Disney+

What were some of the themes you had in mind as you wrote the script for this show?

I think the most important thing to me is just character and emotionality. I wanted to have everything driven by the wants and needs of our characters and really just focus on their emotional journeys first and foremost. That is the basis for all the drama: Who are our people? Where are their heads at? What do they need? Those are the dramatic questions that drive everything.

As for themes, we still have the ideas of free will and destiny that continue on from Season 1. But for new things, I think order versus chaos is a continual theme. And then a power vacuum. What happens in a power vacuum? I think like the overarching concept of Season 2 is, “You break it, you buy it.” That’s what happened at the end of Season 1. They broke the system. And so now they own this nebulous thing, and it needs to reform and become something new.

How do you see Loki evolving as a character through the first season and into the second?

Season 1, and like Episode 1 especially, scrambled his brains. He sees his own death by the end of that. He realizes that even the infinity stones are pointless at this new level of things. And so he had to completely reset and figure out who he was. And so I think Season 1 we see him make this hero turn although he is still an antihero or villain. But I think Loki had kind of forgotten who he was, and Season 2 is like rebalancing that. So we still have this hero Loki, but we’re getting back to the meat and potatoes of who this guy is. We’re getting back to the God of Mischief. So we see him using all those talents of the God of Mischief but as a hero now.

All these characters are so intertwined across multiple different movies and TV shows in the MCU. So, I’m curious, how much creative freedom do you have in writing for this particular show?

We’re fortunate that we really have our own little sandbox here where we’re able to be really creative and branch off into other directions without stepping on other projects. And some of that’s by design, while some of that is just what we found along the way. In terms of actual marching orders, there have been certain points where it’s like, “Oh, you know what, this character is being used by another project,” and you just have to pivot. But in terms of our drama and our story and where we’re taking our characters, it really is just following them and their needs and proving them on the page. And if we can prove that then nobody steps in and says you need to do something different.

The interactions between Loki and Mobius and between Loki and Sylvie were captivating in Season 1. What should we expect from those interactions in Season 2?

Let me start with Loki and Mobius. They’re a lot of fun to write because they’re an odd couple. They are very different in how they do everything. They are on the same side. They’re on the same page, but they’re reading different books. They do not have the same path to getting the same thing done, and that’s what’s fun. You have that friction to play with, but they are on the same side. So scene to scene, there’s so much fun to have with them.

And with Loki and Sylvie, they’re a little bit of friends, couple, I’m not sure how you even want to look at them. These are two people that have had this intense experience together, and they split apart and went separate ways. Inevitably they’re going to come together, but how have they each changed? Where have they each gone? And are they going to be able to mesh again?

ImageTom Hiddleston as Loki, Ke Huy Quan as O.B. and Owen Wilson as Mobius.Credit...Marvel/Disney+

So O.B. is definitely an important character in Season 2. What was it like to create this character?

O.B. was born out of a desire to see the rest of the T.V.A. I feel like Season 1 we existed on a couple different levels, but this is a massive place. Like, what else is there? Who else is there? And as I was getting into the first episode of Season 2, I really started to think about who’s the person who is down there in the engine room of the ship. He’s the one who is looking over everything. He’s the fix-it guy. I just started to imagine a guy who was so busy running the machinery that he just doesn’t see anybody. But he loves his job. It very much is like the seven dwarfs and Snow White. They’re just whistling while they work because they love it.

And so Loki and Mobius show up there, and they’re like the first visitors O.B. has had in years. O.B. is just happily doing his job. It really crystallized in my head who that person was — somebody who loved his job. That conception of the character stuck and stayed. And when Ke came on, he just added a layer of sweet humanity to it that I thought brought a whole different level to what O.B. is.

How was Ke brought on for this role?

That was Kevin Feige. He saw him in “Everything Everywhere All at Once” and Kevin fell in love with O.B. on the page, and I think he just saw him and then he’s like, “This is our O.B. He’ll just step right in and be perfect for this.” The first day Ke came, he hadn’t started yet. He just wanted to visit the set and say hi. That’s who Ke is, he wants to know everybody. And we got to talking and had lunch together and it was just this nice lunch talking about his character and getting to hear him dig in and get under the skin of that character and how he was going to approach it. And all just over some cold Chinese noodles.

#loki s2 #interview #eric martin #spoiler

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ms-scarletwings · 10 months

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Media Musin’ Monday, #7:

Screw You, Nickalodeon: Making Fiends Deserved Better

I have no idea how anyone could seriously believe that the entertainment industrial complex™ even tries anymore to hold the illusion of a just or meritocratic realm. No holds barred, I have my issues with about every company still clinging like barnacles to the tragic, sinking ship that cable TV has become, but if you want me to point to a network that’s given me an entire skeleton of bones to pick by this point, and I’m underlining Nickelodeon in red at the top of my list.

It’s not because they host some bad shows, no. It’s not a sour grapes reaction to the untimely end of some of my favorite shows either, and though the entire rotten apple situation with creators like Dan Schneider and Butch Hartman certainly added to barrel’s spoilage, I would still feel every bit of my disdain for Nick’s tv group for the one cardinal sin they have committed again and again and again to ad nauseum- their ongoing phase of running a talent slaughterhouse.

It sounds hyperbolic, but I’d call it a fair observation: Spongebob is widely aknowledged as legitimately both the best and the worst thing to happen to this corner of kid’s media, hands down, but I don’t blame the little yellow guy one bit. He’s only another victim to the mess, and as much as I would love to go on a whole dossier spiel of the history of Nickalodeon from the 90s “golden age” to a full list of the dozens of shows and creators their execs have royally fucked over in the name of chasing the ratings dragon… for one, that’s been done a hundred times by other people at this point, and much better than I could. For two, that would take all freaking day. Just off the top of any cartoon savvy person’s head you’d vaguely recall the assassination of Legend of Korra, El Tigre, or Invader Zim, but that can is filled with so many “blink and you’ll miss it” smaller shows that were barely given two steps out of the starting gate, it pads down an entire TVTropes article on the subject. Dozens of them, shows that Nick all but basically set up for failure before quietly shipping them to the peaceful farm upstate- by which I mean shuffled off to inconsistent time blocks and lower priority channels so they could burn out their final approved episodes in hospice. Nicktoons alone garnered a hell of a reputation for exactly what I’m talking about, but that’s show biz, or… something.

Their worst and probably most audacious offense of all? Let me tell you about the fate of the charming world of a little girl who made fiends.

There’s no better place to talk about the end than the beginning.

Making Fiends, I mean, the original Making Fiends was a series of flash-animated shorts among a handful of other early 2000s web cartoons made by Amy Winfrey.

✨ Just, in case you didn’t recognize or feel something for that name, Amy Winfrey is one of the utter beasts of cartoons in general, not purely kids’ media. Songwriter, directing, animation, screenwriting, voice acting… you name a part of the process, and she’s probably dipped her toe in there at some point. Professionally, she broke into the industry contributing work to earliest season of South Park, and while she personally is most known for and associated with Making Fiends, the likely most prominent body of work she’s been a part of would be Bojack Horseman, wherein she’s credited as a director for many of its strongest episodes, including (but not limited to):

- “Free Churro”

- “The Telescope”

- "Sunk Cost and All That"

- “The View from Halfway Down”

- Amy Winfrey and her spouse (Peter Merryman) making a cameo appearance in the BJH episode “sunk cost and all that”

And even before all of that, she’s been at this animation stuff since the 90s and it shows in a loaded up portfolio of accolades and projects, both professional and personal.

The relevance of this information is to help put in some perspective to just how rotten of a deal she comparatively got with Nickelodeon, when one of those passion creations got a chance to join the network’s airing list.

But to sum up the idea of the web series proper, it independently released 24 short episodes in total, each centered around the antics of two girls engaged in both a completely one sided friendship and nemesis-ship. The show’s namesake refers to the single action the evil little Vendetta is most known for- creating a variety of servant monsters, many of which she uses to secure her rule over the port town of Clamburg, and all its inhabitants. Charlotte, on the other hand, is the quintessential “children’s show” character: near inhumanly kind, cheerful, and naive. So much so that she’s oblivious to her “best friend’s” near daily attempts to murder her, or the fact that she, you know, despises her.

In 2006, Nickelodeon took an interest in Winfrey’s toon and the prospect of adapting it into a TV series, reportedly because a daughter of a studio employee was a huge fan.

And fun fact btw, this was actually the first time that Nick did this approach of turning an indie web animation into one of their shows, but it certainly wasn’t the last if you remember this was also the origin of Breadwinners.

And as far as the audience was concerned, it was quite the successful transition! The TV version pretty much kept all of the major beats and vibes of the original, with polished animation, the same voice actors, and some stylistic upgrades to the art/environmental designs. For a brief time, it was the highest rated thing on its release channel too. Someone I don’t quite recall the name of once endearingly referred to the show as “baby’s first grimdark” and I adore how fitting of a summary that is. It sports a charmingly unique art style, memorable soundtrack, and I can swear to y’all, the humor aged like a fine wine.

“Why don’t you pretend to be dead?”

“:) ok!”

*slam*

(Also, sidenote, the entire series is still up on your tube, in HD, completely free to watch!)

So, if it’s such a neat little show, then why on earth does barely a soul seem to remember it existing? And even fewer scare who recall knowing about the show during its 2008 release?

Because Nickelodeon Studios, without hyperbole, set this show up for failure at every single turn before it even got a fighting chance.

People know of some shows that Nick treated like garbage, but this one they treated like absolute shit for reasons I can’t fathom.

Making Fiends, for one, never actually saw the light of day on the main network channel, as per the original plans. It was actually instead delegated over to Nick’s sister channel, Nicktoons, by a last minute decision.

Nicktoons, fyi, was not carried by most cable packages. I obviously lived on it as a kid, and it was functionally to Nick what I remember Boomerang being to Carton Network- the cable block where reruns of much older but loved shows were shoveled off to once they finished their days on the main channel.

Second, it was quietly premiered with barely a couple farts of advertising, too. I remember maybe seeing one preview as a kid, on Nicktoons.

And I guess, not keeping either of these in mind, Nick then abruptly pulled the plug on the whole thing, citing the tried and true “low ratings” explanation and leaving it at that.

Not counting years of post-cancelation reruns, the show actively ran from October 4, 2008, to November 1, 2008.

That is roughly a month between premiere and the end production date.

One season. Six entire episodes.

Seven whole additional completed scripts abandoned on the table.

Yeah.

I’m a touch salty about it still.

And with the shutting down of the Nicktoons network social media in 2018, any additional acknowledgment of the show from Nickelodoen themselves has kind of vanished to my knowledge. Like, it’s almost no wonder you already had to be part of the cult following to know about it, when Nick has been quiet about the calf they sent to auction since. Worst part is, they still hogged the rights to the show instead of idk, wild idea, giving it back over to Winfrey. I can only imagine people get away with entire reuploads of the series under the otherwise very IP protective Nick’s nose as another display of how low and bastardly those execs really view Making Fiends.

And that sucks! Wow! But I guess in a “be happy it happened, not sad it ended” way, I’m kind of glad for the fact that we can still enjoy and pass around the show that we did get to experience at all, rather than see it fade into true lost media territory.

Even today, about 16 whole years later, I know for a fact there are still plenty of other fans that remember and cherish the splash this tiny show made in that big, brutal pond. So, in that manner, you can’t truly call Making Fiends dead and gone.

A bittersweet story to think about, and only one of many down a long list, but ultimately one I’m happy to be able to tell at all.

Even if all the while still raising a giant middle finger to the network for the ending.

#media musin’ mondays #mm’m #making fiends #nicktoons #amy winfrey #nostalgic cartoons #scarlet talks about things #enthusiastic recommendations #long post

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youcanseethecosmos · 2 years

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woah i didnt expect anyone to like the au HAHA just putting it out there. but i Do have more thoughts and it's going to be about the legacy family of actors: The Endless. I'll make another post about Hob soon!

to check out the first two posts about my dreamling actors au go here or here

The Endless

All the Endless siblings were child actors. Shining stars of the industry from the moment they were born.

Out of all the siblings, Desire loved acting the most. They loved the flashing lights, the constant attention, and the legions of adoring fans.

Dream loved stories ever since he was a little kid. He acts because he wants to be a part of the kinds of stories that inspire others, invoke emotions within people's hearts that couldn't be possible if he pursued writing instead. Although, he is a ghost writer on the side and no one knows his pseudonym except his parents and Death.

Just like in canon, Desire and Dream have a little bit of a sibling rivalry. But their movie genres are vastly different so Dream doesn't really see it as much of a rivalry – which pisses Desire off even more.

Despair is the only sibling who hates being in front of the camera. So her parents got her to start voice acting instead and she liked that more because she could essentially work in her pajamas. Desire misses her though because they used to do almost everything together. Now they are more apart than they are together. This causes a small rift between them.

Death and Delirium are the singers of the family. Death in particular was musically gifted in almost every way — playing instruments, composing, arranging music. Although all the siblings trained in theater, she was one of the only ones who continued to do theater regularly. She's won two Tonys so far in the span of her career.

Delirium never truly got out of her child actor phase. She's the kind where people still remember her from when she played a five year old girl in some old sitcom. So she broke away from TV and film and followed her eldest sister in theater. She even changed her stage name from Delight to Delirium to reflect that she's not a little kid anymore.

Though Death is more musically gifted, Delirium is the better singer. She sometimes posts covers on Social Media when she has the time and everyone is always mesmerized by her voice.

Destruction had a few critically acclaimed films in his early career. After that though he sort of went off the grid. He hasn't starred in a movie or TV show in years. He does a few voiceover commercials here and there, a cameo in a series once or twice, but he is notably the one sibling who has the least amount of projects under his belt.

Although he's sometimes seen playing the guitar for Delirium in her song covers. He really only ever shows up when Delirium asks him for help.

Destiny is way older than the rest of The Endless — around a decade older than Death. So he had been acting way before and way longer than everyone else. By the time he hit his thirties he was like "Yeah. I'm done." and became a Executive Producer and Director. He much more enjoyed working behind the scenes anyway.

Each of the siblings have been in a Destiny™️ produced/directed film at least once. It's a rite of passage.

However, none of the siblings have ever been in a project with their parents.

All the siblings were once in a production of Into The Woods when they were younger. It's the only project where everyone was there — Also the last time Dream and Desire ever got along.

Dream has had his fair share of off-screen romances with co-stars — none have been successful (yet)

Those are the headcanons I have for our favorite dysfunctional family <3 Let me know what else you wanna know through my ask box or replying here !! Especially stuff about Hob bc I'll make a post about him soon hehe. Thank you for liking this idea as much as I do 🥺

#the thick plottens #the sandman #dreamling #dream of the endless #lights camera action: sky's dreamling actors au #desire of the endless #death of the endless #despair of the endless #destruction of the endless #delirium of the endless #destiny of the endless

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mindibindi · 9 months

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SEX EDUCATION FINAL SEASON: If There Was Orgasm, Then I Missed It.... 🍆💦🍑🍌👅🍌🍒🔥😏

The final season was good. It was not great. It was not everything I wanted it to be. It would’ve been a satisfying enough season if it had not been the last. And I acknowledge that it’s difficult to write a satisfying final season to such a popular, ground-breaking show. That said, here are few thoughts on the final season of “Sex Education”. Some came. Most didn't. Not Moordale: It took guts to do away with the old school and transplant the characters into a new environment. This was an interesting experiment which centred what had previously been marginalised and drove the progressive politics of the show further forward than they perhaps could’ve done in their old, more traditional, more repressed surroundings. (I liked that Otis and Maeve revisted Moordale Secondary tho). All the new characters were great, but then this show has always done a great job of finding interesting actors that seem to bring a level of freshness to their roles. Well done to the casting director. Props for the popular kids being two trans cuties who are having sex and issues in their sex life. Seeing Eric in his queer element was great. There was better disability inclusion, but the writing felt a little clunky and preachy at times, as this show is wont. And obviously we lost a few characters in the shuffle. Lily was the one I missed most. She would have loved Cavendish.

Aimee and Ruby: In terms of the young cast, the most satisfying storylines for me were Aimee’s and Ruby’s. When Aimee and Isaac began to connect, I was like: Yes, go there, do THAT. Maeve coming round in the end and realising that they're family was nice. Loved Aimee getting closure with her jeans thru art. Also liked the further fleshing out of Ruby’s backstory and her journey towards gaining popularity through being kind(er).

Eric: My least fave storyline was Eric’s whole religious epiphany thing. I liked that he found a fellow christian with whom he could share his conflicted feelings about being both queer and god-loving, but I’m not into organised religion or religion of any kind really (as is my right after being raised in it). I don’t believe in god so I don’t believe in divine signs. I don’t think they broke the reality of the show as such, but they were a bit obtuse and boring. I think when Eric spoke in church, his mum should’ve said she loved him as he is, his sisters (who've been supportive in the past) should have done the same, and they should have all left the church together. I think them all coming to the fundraiser later was super trite. It looked like a hasty way to wrap up that storyline after Eric left to rescue Cal. I also think that religions in general have to do way more than make placating noises, so having Eric enter into one was not my idea of a happy ending for him.

I think a better storyline for Eric, based on his history of being pulled in different directions by attractions to more than one person, would have been to discover polyamory. We had one polyamorous couple in the mix this season but it was mentioned once and they appeared together maybe twice. I think it would have been more in tune with the show for Eric to realise that traditional monogamy didn’t suit him and start seeking partners that would celebrate him in exploring ethical non-monogamy. Then we could have had an inside look at how that works for poly peeps, how people navigate less traditional sex and relationship models, what comes up for them mentally, emotionally, sexually, socially etc. In my opinion, the religion stuff just closes down possibility for this character, puts him in a box that the show admits is problematic. I would have preferred to see him open up to more possibility than any church can provide.

Adam and Fam: I liked the whole move into horses thing, liked that he became a teacher like his dad. It felt a little not-fleshed-out tho. It felt like the start of a new life for him, but just the start, with a long way still to go, which is kind of fine. That character does have a lot to learn and heal and these things take time. It would’ve been good to see him interact with some kids, maybe see how he treats a young boy differently to his father (maybe horse girl coulda had a son?). I’m not entirely sure about rehabilitating bullies/abusive parents. In my experience, it doesn’t happen but I recognise that this show is working with ideals, with the question: “what if we did sex and relationships better?” As such, I think they did a beautiful job of reconnecting father and son. It helps that both actors are so good at playing awkward masculinity. One awkward hug does not solve years of abuse and neglect but it was a start, I suppose. Horse girl was nice enough. When Adam admitted to being bisexual, I kinda wanted her to say: “Oh yeah, me too.” Because otherwise, she was just kinda there, emblematic of possibility. Adam should’ve moved into the farmhouse as a boarder, and Maureen should have moved some new boyfriend in. The parents should NOT have got back together. Hard nope. Some relationships end, and this was one that should’ve. Maureen should have continued her sexual exploration, maybe got into burlesque or BDSM. The dad should have had a hot affair with the art teacher (who should’ve been less of a ridiculous middle-aged man-eating woman cliche), or better yet, the home ec teacher. Bring food into sex.

Cal: Gender dysphoria distress is not something I have personal experience with so I would be interested to hear what people who do thought of this storyline. I was up for it but, if I’m honest, I can’t say I’m any more enlightened on what it feels like or what I should do for someone in similar circumstances. Though I like them, I think this is in part due to a lack of range in the actor playing Cal. I can say that the scene where they are by the ravine feeling suicidal meant a lot to me personally, cos I do have experience with that. (Jackson shoulda figured out where they were sooner tho).

Jackson: Didn’t love Jackson or Viv’s storylines. Jackson’s whole history was established way back and I NEVER appreciate when shows walk that back and go: “oh no it actually happened this way.” His whole swimming thing was cos Hannah Waddingham’s character was anxious about them having a connection but if he is the result of a previous relationship and her partner was already pregnant when they met then that changes that whole dynamic. Her insecurity makes more sense, is more intense, if having a child is a decision his mums take on together. Great to explore a scenario in which Jackson seeks out his biological roots but I don’t think he needed the extra trauma of two lying mums and an uncaring biological father. They should’ve stuck with the original context, there was enough shit there to sort out. Nice to see HWad’s in the mix, even if she only had two lines (but she’s super busy and big now so that’s probs why). I notice that all the previous acrimony between the mums has disappeared. So no therapy. No Jackson dealing with divorce. And no Hannah Waddingham having an affair with Gillian Anderson. So yeah, pretty disappointing all round.

Viv: Friendships are important but I kinda thought Jackson and Viv would’ve made a good couple…? Viv’s storyline was good for a teachable moment on coercion but not much else. Also I don’t think the boyfriend needed to grab her so hard. It doesn’t need to be hard to be scary and wrong.

Maeve: I liked how they brought Maeve home then sent her back, which was absolutely the right thing for her. Dan Levy was great and, again, the scene where she confronts him about being gate-keepery meant a lot to me personally, as a low-SES student at University. The stuff with the brother was all v. well-written and acted, although they seemed to forget about lil sis pretty quickly. Liked everyone showing up for the funeral, esp. the old Moordale teachers. The song was a def. highlight of the season. We also got some closure for Maeve/Isaac and Eric/Adam. Otis was, of course, a dick throughout but awkward lovable dickhead is kinda his brand. The climactic sex scene with Otis and Maeve was okay. Top marks for playing Jeff Buckley who was a big part of my high school experience. I wasn't as weirded out by it as I thought I might be (mostly cos I remember Asa Butterfeild from "Ashes to Ashes"). But jeez, for a show on sex, they don’t give a lot of time to foreplay, do they? IMPORTANT PSA for het dudes of all ages: DO NOT expect to be inside a girl/woman 10 seconds after kissing her. Maeve interacting with Jean was another highlight, but I would’ve liked a final call/text between Otis and Maeve, rather than leaving them both staring out windows thinking of the other. (On the other hand, totally get people who were for an Otis/Ruby endgame).

Jean: Okay, so I like this show as a whole but one of the major reasons I watch is for The Gillian. Jean Milburn is another in a long line of her iconic characters. So on the positive side: I actually liked the sister storyline. I have a sister and that felt appropriately intimate/infuriating. And they finally cast someone who actually could conceivably be related to Gillian Anderson (unlike “The Great”, “Crisis” and even Melissa in “The X Files”). GA has very unusual facial features but these two looked alike, got the dynamic right, and the backstory illuminated Jean a little more for us. I kinda missed overconfident, fashionable Jean, but hey, when you have Gillian Anderson, you’re gonna use her, right? I don’t know postpartum depression but I know depression and that felt real to me. Beautiful job, as always from GA. The relationship with Otis followed a similar rocky trajectory to other seasons and was as well-played as always by both, even if it yielded little in the way of growth. It did annoy me that Otis was like: “we need help” but then he barely acknowledged Joy when they were in the same room. My brother has just had a baby and whenever anyone walks in the room, it is ALL ABOUT the baby: talking to the baby, talking about the baby, holding the baby, playing with the baby…. So I was like: Otis! Pick up the baby! Cuddle your sister! (Being ignored in favour of the baby could also have heightened mum’s PPD. And how about modelling a young man participating, even minimally, in child-rearing, dear show??). The radio/podcast stuff was fine. As an Aussie, I was delighted to see Hannah Gadsby in the mix. People may not know this but she is a comedian, not an actor, so I loved seeing her do such a great job. Loved seeing her interact with Gillian so much, and looking fab too. Gillian also looked gorgeous, even while falling apart, and more so as her medication started to kick in. I say this just cos I like seeing women onscreen looking their age.

The biggest disappointment here was the disappearance of Jakob and the disintegration of that relationship (which had a lot more going for it than Adam’s parents). I don’t know if the actor was unavailable or if this was just the direction they chose but I missed both Jakob and Ola. If they were going to write them out tho, I do think it was better to have them gone before the show began. I didn’t wanna see that breakdown. They’d already introduced some elements into this relationship that weren’t necessary, imo. I don’t think they needed to make Jakob’s dead wife unfaithful. I think illness, death, single dadhood and late-in-life love is quite enough to deal with, esp. considering the limited screen time they had. I also don’t think they needed the overly hasty move-in, which seemed to me like a totally rookie mistake for a sex and relationships therapist to make. Of course that was not going to work! Otis and Ola being needlessly stroppy was likewise unhelpful for what could have been a joyous, sexy mature-aged romance. They placed all these unnecessary stresses on this relationship in order to force it to fail, the final stress being the paternity of Jean’s child, which, if they hadn’t introduced Jakob’s dead wife’s unfaithfulness might not have been such a huge deal, he might have been able to stick around and raise a child not biologically his (he already had two of those). I personally didn’t like what it did to his character either, since he initially seemed like such an open, honest, easy, considerate, responsible, mature, big-hearted kind of man. Was this their idea of giving him layers? Why did they have to turn the ONE good grown man in the show into a petty, bitter, suspicious little coward?

There was so much potential in the Jean/Jakob relationship and the problem with introducing so many new elements in a final season is that you risk not wrapping up some of the core elements you began with. Like Eric, Jean’s final season doesn’t really match her trajectory throughout the series. When we met her, she was having a lovely time having lots of casual sex but no relationships. Which is fine, except that her reasons for doing so were more to do with hurt and avoidance than with pure sexual expression and honest personal preference. She was still reacting to the disintegration of her marriage and the infidelity/promiscuity of her ex-husband (so to have her left for supposed infidelity/promiscuity seems again needlessly cruel). She was afraid of further heartbreak and, thru her relationship with Jakob, began to overcome that fear. While the PPD and Joanne storylines were solid, illuminating and enjoyable, they did not contribute to resolving the core issue Jean initially presented with. With Jakob, Jean was starting to ask herself: ‘’how do I trust again after being devastated by the infidelity of my son’s father?”, “how do I let go when I can’t control every outcome, aspect and possibility?”, “how do I live with someone again after living alone for so long?” Oddly enough separate residences never seemed to occur to anyone on this super progressive, groundbreaking show. Or you know, Ola could have gone off to college and Otis found some opportunity in America, leaving Jean and Jakob to try again in a different context, with different skills and a different spirit. (But personally I would have gone with separate residences for a time).

You could say that Jean’s issues were partially addressed in her relationship with Jo but we all know that familial and intimate relationships are different. Related but different. Jean’s issue was how to combine intimacy, trust, sex, romance and relationship. That can’t be resolved with a sister or a son. It can only be resolved with a romantic/sexual/life partner. Even if Jakob left for a while, I would have liked to see him come back (I wasn’t sure whether he would but it looked increasingly unlikely as the season continued). Otis or Jo could have called him. Or he coulda heard Jean on the radio. In the end, it looked like Jo and Motorcycle Man were going to be a thing so they coulda made a v. weird parenting foursome (which also would’ve helped alleviate Jean’s depression and workload! Look at that!). Now how’s that for an alternative family model? Why have one parent when you can have four (esp. when two of you have already raised kids)? That would have been great for Jean and Jakob (who get a little more time to themselves) and for Jo and Motorcycle Man (who may need some more responsible parents around). It would be good for Ola (who NAMED Joy, let’s not forget) and her sister, and also for Joy to have some loving siblings, since her big bro won’t pick her up and cuddle her.

#sex education #sex ed s4 #spoilers #season finale #gillian anderson #jean milburn #jean x jakob #asa butterfield #otis milburn #ncuti gatwa #eric effiong #emma mackey #maeve wiley #hannah waddingham #kedar williams stirling #dan levy #and a bunch of other people

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