#but the past two days ive been taking one that i haven't used in a Bit

[nexus-nebulae]

do my sleep meds make my fucking time blindness worse

[multiplicity-positivity]

Ok so

I'm sure by the time you get to this everything we're going through will be over (if not I think I would genuinely be dead) (no like literally) (I mean it's rare but--) (I'm gonna stop) but I would be curious to see what you think about this situation.

So we got "sick". It's an ear infection, actually, but it's close enough. This ear infection has been worse than any we've had in the past (were oddly prone to these things and have had at least 3 (including the current one) in the past 3 years or so) and it has taken pretty much everything energy-wise from us. We've skipped two days of school from this too. We were also in the ER yesterday for it. That makes it sound really bad, but it was just for IV antibiotics so they would take effect quicker. Doctor recommended it.

Anyways. Because of this, we have literally no clue who's fronting and haven't since this started. I don't know who I am typing this. It's just been a blurry mess.

That's what im curious about. What do we do when all of our energy is being spent on just making it through the day (oh btw we've gotten treatment and it's looking good), but... I still want to know who's fronting.

There's been no access to headspace at all, not that we normally have much, and we were just getting to the point that we could hear each other even when we're not fronting sometimes. I'm worried this will backtrack our progress. It's been 2 years that we've been working on this, and it took so long to get to this point. I don't want it to all go down the drain because of one particularly severe ear infection.

Anyways. Respond, or don't. I won't mind either way, really.

-???? (Via @cloverstarsys )

Hiya! Yowch, we’re really sorry y’all have been going through a rough time! We hope that your ear infection will recover smoothly and y’all will be able to get some rest soon! >_<

When it comes to figuring out who’s fronting… the safety and well-being of your system should come first always! Y’all might just have to take some uncomfortable time without knowing whose fronting until you reach a point where you’re stable, safe, and pain-free once again!

We know that’s not really a good answer, especially if not knowing who is fronting is seriously bothering you. But please remember that the safety of your system and your own survival is more important than anything else, including knowing who’s fronting!

We do really love this article by Kella Hanna-Wayne on the ways their system figures out who’s in front:

Some of their suggestions could easily be done even when overwhelmed, like looking over a list of headmate names, thinking about what you want to do, or listening to different kinds of music! :3

We want to reassure you that blurriness likely will not last forever! So even if these tips don’t help and you still feel blurry afterwards, we hope you can find the strength to wait it out in the hopes that, as you recover, you may gain some more clarity about who you are.

Gosh, we really hope y’all start to feel better soon! We really don’t think that all your hard work and efforts will go to waste. Progress is not linear and just because y’all feel like you’ve been set back doesn’t mean that any of your accomplishments are undone!! Please try to get some rest and remember!! Your health should come first always!! >w<

[cookinguptales]

time to shill for Big Salt!!!

Okay, so like I said in my last post, I recently became a ~Vitassium Ambassador~, which is a fancy way of saying that I shilled for this company for free for so long that now they're paying me to do it.

In salt. Much like a deer.

Anyway.

Vitassium is SaltStick's line of products specifically for POTS, EDS, Cystic Fibrosis, Vasovagal Syncope, and other forms of autonomic dysfunction. Essentially speaking, SaltStick has been making electrolyte products for years, and when they realized that a lot of their patients buying them were doing it for medical reasons, they started doing research into creating products specifically for that purpose. And that's how the Vitassium line was born.

Vitassium generally has more salt and less magnesium/calcium/potassium than SaltStick's other electrolyte products, which is good if you need a lot of salt and you don't want to take too high a dose of the rest. Personally, I tend to use a mixture of both of their lines so I can get a little calcium/magnesium boost sometimes but more salt other times. (The amount of potassium is fairly similar in both lines, with a little more in the SaltStick line.)

Either way, it has a lot less sugar than Liquid IV, which I get sick off of due to sugar sensitivities. Like... *googles* 11g of sugar in Liquid IV vs. 2g of sugar in Vitassium, with the same amount of salt in each serving. I have to be pretty careful about my sugar intake, and I suppose I can't speak for everyone, but my stomach handles Vitassium a lot better than most of the other alternatives on the market.

So I've been using it for several years now and I'm really happy with their products! Like -- I may now officially be a shill for Big Salt, but I don't plan on lying or exaggerating anything here. I use their products every day, and sometimes that's the only way I can manage to take a shower.

(My fellow POTS/EDS-sufferers know, the shower struggle is real. lmao)

Anyway, they just sent me one of everything in their Vitassium line. They didn't actually ask me to show it off, but I'm doing it anyway because this is my blog and I cannot be stopped.

From left to right, we have a bottle of their electrolyte capsules (these are sugar-free extended-release salt pills with a bit of potassium added), both flavors of their electrolyte fastchews (chewable electrolyte candies that provide quick relief... think salty sweettarts), a cute bottle full of packets of their electrolyte drink mix, sample packs of the fastchews, and some stickers.

Personally, I mostly use the fastchews. I've tried salt capsules in the past and had some stomach upset, but now that they sent these to me for free, I guess I'll try them out again. The fastchews are basically sour candy full of salt lmao. (They also have about 2g of sugar per serving, just like the drink mix.) They really are effective, though, so I tend to take them as needed throughout the day.

I usually just keep a bottle of them in my purse, but the sample size bags are resealable and fit well in pockets, bags, etc. I'm happy that they sent me some little sample bags because now I can refill them, haha.

I used to just buy the normal SaltStick fastchews, and my go-to flavors in that line are orange, wild berry, and lemon-lime! I haven't tried the mango because I'm allergic, the peach is okay if very sour, the coconut pineapple is a nice piña colada taste but a little sweet for me, and I really hate the watermelon ones!

(Look, I promised to be honest with you. lmao)

The Vitassium fastchews are newer, and they only come in two flavors so far. I always buy the fruit punch because I despise artificial grape flavor. They just gave me a bunch of grape ones, so I tried them. Good for what they are, but I still hate grape.

(Do any of my chronically ill followers want these? lmk)

The drink mix is the newest Vitassium product! I like it quite a bit; the relief is quicker when you drink it vs. eat it, and speaking as someone who generally hates drink mixes, the flavor is pretty good.

I've tried both the fruit punch and the pink lemonade, and I think I prefer the pink lemonade. The flavor suits the salt a little better, imo, and I think weirdly it mixes a little better?

I usually buy the drink mix in the canisters because it's cheaper that way and produces less waste (the canister pictured there is one I already had) but the packets are very handy to keep in your bag. They're easy to tear open and even when you tear off the whole top, the opening is small enough that it pours smoothly into small-necked bottles. I like to put some ice in mine and shake it up.

(Side note: Vitassium has specifically designed all their packaging to be as easy to open and use as possible because they know that so many of their customers have arthritis, EDS, and other connective tissue disorders. Which, as someone with EDS, I truly appreciate.)

Finally, one thing I genuinely like about Vitassium is that they try to make their products as accessible as possible for their customers who use them for medical reasons. They have something called the Vitassium Club, which allows registered users who have a medical condition to get 25% off all their electrolyte products. You don't have to get a doctor's note or anything like that, just send in a quick online form and wait for them to change the status of your account.

That brings the cost of the product down considerably for the people who need it most, which is good because honestly? Electrolyte boosters add up fast when you need to consume that much salt every day.

Uhhhh, I think that's everything for now! If you have any questions, lmk! I'm fairly passionate about this kind of thing because when I was first diagnosed with POTS/EDS like... god, 15 years ago now, they didn't have anything like this. I remember struggling to develop a diet that worked for me with no one to teach me and honestly? That fucking sucked. I don't want anyone to be in that position.

So now here in 2023, I'm happy to pass on any chronic illness-related tips I have. Like drink Vitassium! And add salt while you're cooking, not at the end! The flavor will be less strong that way! And a packet of sugar-free hot cocoa mix will often have as much sodium in it as a bag of chips!

Stay salty, friends. 🧂💜😎

[sangyeonsmuse]

BREAK THE WALLS | Kim Hongjoong

Finale Chapter

🀥 Government agent Hongjoong x Rebel Oc

🀥 genre | dystopian society, halazia x geurilla concept , enemies to lovers

🀥 word count | 1.5k

🀥 Summary | An organization by the name of Sector 1 was well known for their work in the underground, theyve been well known for the recruiting of teens and using them to form an army since the year 2034. Collecting strays for their rebellion against those in higher power. Now the year is 2064 and the organization still runs strong they run like a family, with the new technology theyve found ways of keeping alive those that have been scorned in any past battles theyve had against the government.

When the government sends in 7 of their best men to infiltrate the organization. What will they do when their cover is blown and their true intentions are revealed? Will they join the rebellion or will they continue to let the government pull their strings like the little puppets they once were?

Skylar district May october 23rd 2064

4 months had passed since the success of the rebellion but their work still hadn't been done. Now that the city knew about Sector 1 they would come to them for all their needs and the organization was more than happy to provide. The last four months had been pretty busy, with them reconstructing the city and now building another Sector hq in the city square to keep them all more in touch with the residents of the city. They had gotten so caught up in the things going on outside of hq that for a long while Yeosang barely even had any time to work out the situation with the microbots and assure they'd be okay to use.

"Hey mom, dad it's Tahani...I haven't exactly been the best of daughter now have I." Tahani sniffles as she stares at her parents' tombstones that were both decorated in wilted flowers.

"I know I haven't visited you since that day but I think I'm ready now. To talk about it all. For the longest time after I lost you two I blamed myself. For running away and joining the organization without so much as a goodbye to you guys or the others. For a while I kept telling myself it was all on me, all because I decided to jump into something without thinking I lost all of you. But I think I'm past that now. I realize that I can't keep blaming myself because there was no way I could have known. I was simply doing what I felt was right, doing what's best for my family. And because of that I met some of the most amazing people." She laughed through the tears as she thought about all those she had met lost along the way.

"I've met one of the most amazing men I've ever come across and I get to call him mine. Ive met the best of friends...amazing people who I look too as a family, though they can never replace any of you. And yeah, it still upsets me that i can't exactly live the life i thought i'd be living if we succeeded with the mission, but because of the rebellion every day this city gets better and better. I just wish you were here to see it." Removing the wilted flowers from each of her family's tombstones she replaced them with fresh ones before taking one last glance at each of them. Upon making her way back to hq she decided to take her time. She wanted to take in the new city for the first time. See all that they had rebuilt together. With Eden gone her home truly was a giant ball of starlight. Noticing that a few rain clouds came rolling in Tahani sighs before rushing off into the city in order to beat the rain

——

"Are you sure it works Yeosang, maybe we should hold off longer if something goes wrong." Hongjoong paced the floor of the living quarters as they waited for Tahani to return.

"Hongjoong i've literally tested on Yeonjun and Dino and it worked fine, just relax."

"He's right cruella, both operations went by smoothly just to calm down and leave it to us." Eris adds on as she takes a seat right next to Yeosang on the arm of his chair.

"How long will you call him that?" San asks before laughing and the girl just shrugs her shoulders.

"How long will he have that hair?" She asks, earning a sly grin from Yeosang who stealthily brought his arm around the girl's waist.

"Behave." Was all he needed to say for the girl to finally go silent

"Wait wait wait did I miss something here." Mingi eyes the two, a surprised look on his face.

"Mind your business Song Mingi." Was all Eris said before her words were repeated by none other than Yeosang

"Right, mind your business Song Mingi."

"I liked those two better when they were in the lab all the time." Mingi huffs, crossing his arms over his chest

"I'm back." Tahani enters the room moments later earning multiple greetings from her friends and a kiss from hongjoong.

"Ready for your checkup?" Eris sprung up from the couch followed by yeosang.

"Yup im ready to go doc." She responds in a cheerful tone before bidding the others a goodbye and giving hingjoong one more kiss before following the two of them out the door.

As always Yeosang and Eris connected all of the necessary wires and tubes to her body before carrying out their usual checkup scheme.

The only difference this time was Tahani was now going to get a much needed surgery that she knew nothing about.

"Yeosang can you look at this?" And their act finally began.

"What is it?" He asks as he makes his way over to the screen. Seeing how intently Yeosang looked at the screen, Tahani grew nervous.

"Uh something wrong?" She asks anxiously at her question both Yeosang and Eris share a look before looking back at Tahani.

"There's some type of flaw in your system, it may take a full reboot to get rid of it otherwise if it gets any worse it can cause some of your joints to lock up, if that happens this body will become just as useless as your old one would have been." Eris spoke seriously.

"Well if all it'll take is a reboot just get it done, I don't wanna risk whatever the flaw is getting any worse than it already is." At that both Yeosang and Eris low fived one another beneath the equipment table before making any moves.

"Alright it may take a couple of hours but it'll simply feel like you're just resting, taking a nap you know." After sedating her and putting her lower half in sleep mode Yeosang and Eris waited until they knew the girl was fully unconscious to start their work. It had taken hours for the microbots to fully regenerate the lost cells over her cyber mechanic exterior but by the time it had fully covered her outer shell the girl was still fast asleep due to the sidation. Eris and Yeosang decided it was best to let her rest.

Once again just as it had happened all those years ago Tahanis eyes fluttered open only to land on a ceiling of the Sector 1 infirmary. This time yet another thing was different about her body. As she pushed herself out of the bed still somewhat groggy from the previous sedation she stopped dead in her tracks once her eyes caught sight of a mirror out the corner of her eye. She was naked...and not like naked with her mechanical parts showing but actually naked. As her eyes took in the visual before her it felt like a dream. She hadn't seen herself this way in two years. The tears began to fall so effortlessly, and as she ran her fingers over her full flesh body she was surprised to feel her own touch. She could feel the warmth of her hands as they brushed against her small frame. Pulling the first thing she could find over her previously exposed body Tahani ended up walking out of the infirmary with a bed sheet wrapped around her from the chest on down. She quickly made her way down the halls, past the airlock, up the stairs and into the brand new hq building. Pushing past her very confused colleagues she sped up towards the building's staircase and ran all the way up to the building's rooftop.

Rain, she could feel the rain. As the cold droplets pelted her skin she stood staring out at the city allowing the sheet to soak up every drop of rain along with her tears. As the rooftop door slammed open Tahanis eyes shot over to Hongjoong who seemed somewhat startled by the girls appearance.

"Have you lost your damn mind running around in just this? I nearly choked Joshua to death when Leedo told me he'd been staring at you running through HQ in nothing but a damn sheet." Hongjoong nagged as he pulled one of his shirts over the girl's head, allowing her to drop the now soaked bed sheet.

She stares up at him with wandering eyes, feeling true happiness for the first time in such a long time.

"Umm...so I guess you saw, you can now go back to how things were before the ambush, I mean I know it may not be all you wanted because you still can't exactly have children but at least now you can." Cutting him off mid sentence she pulls him in by his shirt and kisses him before bringing her arms around his neck. His arms hooked around her waist and Tahani swore she couldn't have thought of a moment more perfect. She could feel it all, the cold rain trickling down their faces as they kissed, the warmth of his shirt and his body pressed against her bare skin. The way his arms around her waist caused the fabric to brush across her skin, she could finally feel it all.

"Its perfect, this is perfect." She smiles as they pull away from one another, still hugging him close to her body as her eyes scanned over their city and the setting sun.

(To those that made it this far please leave a comment so i know who to give all my love to. Thank you for going on this journey with ateez. I wrote this story so long ago and freely like it was time for me to finally post it to tumblr, and maybe start working on book 2)

[moonferry]

fsioy chapter 16!! yipee!!

note to self: stop writing without checking the word count oh my lord. anyway this chapter is finally finished and i couldn't be happier!! ive been thinking about some ideas used in thsi for WEEKS. i love these silly guys so much

warnings: near car crashes, unrequited love, heavy rain/storms

word count: 8086

summary: kent and willy have another heart-to-heart on the drive towards zuzu city, then an unexpected rainstorm approaches and traps the two on the roadside. kent has an idea and eventually some tough decisions are made. kent finally makes it home and gets to see his loving wife once more.

other chapters: chapter master list

ao3 link: here

July 19XX, The Road To Zuzu City

Kent sat in the passenger's seat - quietly mulling over his thoughts. He didn't feel much like conversation and it seemed like Willy was just fine with that. In fact, the older man had begun - rather rancorously - singing along to whatever song was playing through the mounds of static on the radio. Kent thought it would be better to leave Willy to his own devices, so he  glanced out the window and tried to discern how far they were from the city. 

The lush greenery of the surrounding trees soon meshed into the same quaint town he'd notice before. Kent couldn't help but imagine a life there - with Jodi, maybe a child or two. It seemed peaceful and it would definitely be a nice break from everything he’d been through recently. 

A small sigh slipped past his lips as he thought about the events once again. Kent was grateful to be going home - he didn't know if he could handle being alone right now- but something kept eating at the back of his mind; a question. Why had Willy helped him? Wouldn't Willy get in trouble for helping Kent escape? Kent’s expression dropped. He didn't want the man to get in trouble - especially because of him. Kent reached out and turned the nob on the dash - turning the radio volume down - before turning to look at Willy. 

“Hey, Willy?” Kent asked, getting the man’s attention. 

“Aye?” Willy responded, glancing up to look at Kent in the rear view mirror. Though, he made sure his eyes stayed on the road (or the dirt path that would pass as one) in front of him. 

Kent pursed his lips together, debating. He looked at Willy and tried to coax the words out of his own mouth. It was just a simple question, why couldn't Kent bring himself to ask? Maybe he wasn't sure he'd like the answer. Kent didn't know. Eventually, however, he managed to speak once again, “Why.. why did you help me? Leave, I mean.” 

Willy shrugged and replied with a simple, “I wanted to. Besides, I know ye could use a break.. These past few days.. ah.. Well, they haven't been too easy for ye, have they?”

“No, not really,” Kent replied. A small bout of worry creeped into his voice. He frowned slightly before looking down at his lap. He knew Willy wanted to help - for his father's sake - but Kent didn't like doing things that would get others in trouble. He spoke again, though he didn't look up at Willy - too ashamed, “Won't you get in trouble, though? For helping me.” 

“Ah,” Willy started, his own sigh slipping past his lips. He glanced at Kent again and shook his head before adding, “Don't ya worry about me, lad.  It takes a lot more than ‘punishment’ to get to Ol’ Willy.” 

“Besides, what's the worst they can do to me?” Willy asked. He paused for a bit, thinking. Willy gave a slow, solemn nod before continuing, “This war has already taken everything that matters to me. Nothing they do to me will hurt me worse than what I've already been through.” 

“Willy..” Kent started, his frown deepening. His brows furrowed together. Was Willy really willing to risk everything? Just to help him? Kent didn't like that thought. He doesn't know what went on in Willy’s life, but - judging by the man’s response - it must've been something terrible. Kent looked back at Willy, a wave of concern covering his face. 

“You once told me you've never been married,” Kent spoke, hoping he didn't come off as rude. He added, curiously, “Why is that? I mean - you seem amazing. I just can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to marry you..” 

Willy went silent, a glum look crossing his face. He pursed his lips together. Kent felt the silence surround them - like a thick, uncomfortably warm blanket. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Sorry,” Kent apologized, once again looking away from the other man. “Just.. forget I asked, okay?” 

“Listen, lad,” Willy started, a sigh slipping past his lips. He momentarily stopped the vehicle before turning to look at Kent. “I wanted to get married, I truly did, but.. things don't always work out the way you hope, ya know?” 

“Y’see.. There was someone, once,” Willy explained, reaching out and resting his hand on Kent’s shoulder. “He was the greatest person I've ever known. Any sane person woulda fallen fer him.. He was a great friend to me for many years. Then, he moved away from our hometown and we lost touch..  I was a bit crushed, but I understood. He needed to move onto greater things, I guess..” 

“So, to cope, I decided to join the military - well, more specifically the naval part, as I always loved water, even as a wee lad. I've been in this business roughly.. twenty-odd years now. But, back when I was just startin’, I bought a ship and docked it in the Zuzu City harbor. And, as I was roamin’ around - gettin’ used to being in a place that wasn't home - a familiar face walks up to me. Now, I hadn't seen him in a few years at this point and I was more than shocked that he remembered little ol’ me. He tells me how he met a pretty lass, fell in love and got married, and how he now had a baby on the way. I felt like my heart had been ripped from me chest - I mean, sure, I never had the courage to tell him how I felt so it wasn't like he knew how that would affect me, but it still hurt to hear..”

“I tried my best to be happy for him, even though it was killin’ me.. Eventually, we start chattin’ again and he becomes one of me best mates. The years pass by and - even though I'm still sulkin’ and mopin’ - I start to genuinely feel happy for him. Glad he found someone who makes him laugh, someone to look after him. Then, his kid is born, and he rushes to me all proud and tells me how excited he is to be a father. I’d never seen him so happy, Kent.”

“It made me realize that - even if I wanted it to - the two of us would've never worked out. He deserved someone like that lass. I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt, but I didn't want to let him go, either .So, when his boy was old enough, I offer to let them use my boat. Heh.. I remember the little tyke waddling around on the hull of the ship, excitedly babbling about how cool boats were. I almost thought of him as my own son. And then I remembered that he wasn't and that his Pappy wouldn't think of me the same.."

"Eventually, I threw myself deeper into my work. I couldn't bear to watch his happiness anymore. Then, the war started, and he.. being the brave fool he was, followed me into battle without a second thought - despite me beggin’ and pleadin’ for him not to. And.. then he died. I never told him how I felt.. I regret it every single day. I know it wouldn't have changed anythin’, but.. Ah.. never mind, I'm babblin’, aren't I?” 

Willy turned away from Kent and rested his calloused hands against the steering wheel. He looked out at the horizon, his expression turning glum as he thought about the past. 

“Who was he?” Kent asked curiously, tilting his head to look at Willy.

Willy let out a small, humorless chuckle. He turned back to Kent and his lips formed a thin line, though the corner of his mouth curved upwards slightly. He went silent, as if debating to reveal the name. Eventually, Willy sighed to himself, nodding, before saying, “He was your father.” 

Kent’s eyes widened in surprise. His father? That was certainly not the response he expected. It also made him quite curious. Kent thought back to Willy’s earlier statements - about how Willy cared “so much” for his father. Had this been what he meant the entire time? 

“You..? My father..?” He asked, the disbelief evident in his voice. His mouth was wide open, his jaw basically glued to the floor at that point. 

“Ah, it didn't amount to nothin’..” Willy replied, waving his hand to dismiss Kent’s question. He shook his head before adding, “Besides, Misty is a good lass. I’d never do anything to come between her and Chris. No, I'm grateful your dad found her, I am. If he hadn't, I wouldn't be talkin’ to you now, would I?” 

“I guess not,” Kent admitted, tilting his head to the side as he pondered Willy’s words. He still couldn't believe just how close this man was to his father. It seemed surreal that, after all this time, Willy cared enough about Kent's father to continue looking after Kent for him. 

“Enough about me an’ my love life,” he spoke, shaking his head. Willy smiled at Kent before giving him a gentle pat on his shoulder. He turned forward and placed his hands on the wheel once more. He called over his shoulder, “Let’s get you home.” 

With that, Willy started the vehicle once again and continued the drive into the city. Kent leaned against the window and watched dark clouds roll in from the horizon. It looked like a storm was approaching. It worried Kent slightly. His worry seemed to grow as the faint pitter-patter of raindrops began pelting the roof of the vehicle. Kent watched as a lone raindrop traveled down his window and silently hoped it would ease up before they entered the city. 

He couldn't be so lucky. The rain seemed to increase, making it hard for Willy to see the road ahead of them and making it harder for the vehicle to travel on the rough dirt beneath. It slowly turned into sludge and seemed to gunk up the wheels - sending them sliding back and forth. Kent’s eyes widened as the vehicle lurched to one side and seemed to aim directly for a tree. 

Luckily, Willy managed to jerk the wheel in the opposite direction - causing the vehicle to swerve out of the way before skidding to a stop completely. Unluckily, the vehicle spun around and landed itself in the center of a large circle of mud. 

“Are ye alright, lad?” Willy asked, his eyes wide. His first response was to check on Kent, who seemed completely uninjured - though he was slightly jostled. Kent gave a shaky nod in response. He glanced at Willy, who appeared just as shaken as he was. However, amidst the chaos and Willy’s attempts to steer Kent to safety, the man had slammed his own head against the steering wheel - a faint trickle of blood oozing out of his nose and matting in the hair of his mustache. 

“Willy, you're bleeding!” Kent exclaimed, a look of concern washing over his features. He frantically looked around and tried to find some sort of cotton or fabric to wipe away Willy's blood. 

“Ah, this ol’ thing?” Willy asked, reaching up and wiping away the substance with his thumb. He gave a slight chuckle before speaking once more, “That's nothin’. Me ol noggin has been through worse than a little nosebleed, Kenty boy.” 

“Are you okay?” Kent asked, the concern still evident in his voice. He frowned at Willy’s dismissive nature. This seemed rather serious to him. 

“I'm fine,” Willy spoke, reaching two fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose and stop any further bleeding. He continued, “Sailor’s honor. However, we have.. bigger problems.” Willy motioned to the windshield and what little was visible through the massive downpour. It appeared that the vehicle was now stuck in a large, muddy hole. It didn't help that the rain continued to pelt down against the roof and create a loud, almost rhythmic noise. 

“Oh Yoba,” Kent said as he glanced out at the scene before him. He turned back to Willy and asked, “How are we going to get out of this?”

“Hmm..” Willy started, his free hand resting against his chin in deep thought. He pursed his lips together before finally speaking, “We have two options; wait for someone to come find us - which could take hours - or try to push ‘er out of this hole ourselves.. Either way, I don't know if we’ll make it to the city before sunset..”

“What?” Kent asked. Horror flooded his face. He couldn't believe they had made it this far just to get stopped. He let out a groan of frustration, reaching a hand up to massage his forehead, “You've gotta be kidding me..” 

“'Fraid not, lad,” Willy confirmed, a small sigh slipping from his lips. He knew how much this meant to Kent - how desperately Kent wanted to get home. He sucked in a breath through his teeth before reaching towards the door handle. 

“C’mon. let's go push her,” Willy instructed, motioning for Kent to follow him before adding, “I doubt anyone would come here this late at night.” 

Kent sighed, though he exited the vehicle and followed Willy. He cringed as the mud squelched beneath his feet, the grimy substance soaking into his pants legs. 

The rain continued to pour down on them - making it quite hard to see what they were doing. They carefully approached the rear of the vehicle (trying their best not to go sliding or fall face first in the mud). 

Kent rested his hand against the cool metal of the vehicle’s rear - which was now slick with rain. He waited for Willy’s signal before pushing with all his might. With the exertion he was giving, Kent’s boots began sinking deeper into the mud. Panic began bubbling beneath the surface as Kent struggled to lift his leg. It didn't help that the rain seemed to rise in volume, drowning on Kent’s pleas for help.

“Willy?” Kent called out. Though the rain muffled his voice.Willy couldn’t hear him - the man was also nowhere to be seen.  

“Wil- Willy!” Kent tried again, looking around for the older man as he desperately clawed at the back of the vehicle – trying to hoist himself out of the deepening mud. It was now up to his ankles. The cool dampness of the mud soaked into his pants and chilled him. It was uncomfortable and clammy. It filled Kent’s mind with the feeling of Misha’s bloated corpse. He felt himself start to freeze as the images creeped out of the depths of his brain. 

“Lad?” Willy asked, peering around the corner of the vehicle. He glanced at Kent and noticed how the boy seemed rigid, his expression wide with panic. “Lad? You alright?” Willy called out again. Kent seemed unresponsive and Willy’s own worry began to grow. He waded towards Kent, the mud sloshing and churning as he walked out towards the boy. Kent still didn't respond upon Willy’s approach - he didn't even seem to notice Willy coming nearer or the sloshing of the mud beneath the man’s feet. 

“Kent?” Willy tried again as he approached the boy. He glanced down and noted Kent’s ankles were submerged in the grimy substance. He recoiled in surprise, though Willy sprang into action. He called out a warning as he got closer to Kent, “Hold on, lad. I’m comin’!” 

When he finally made it to Kent, Willy didn’t think twice before attempting to free him from the deepening gunk. He wrapped his arm around Kent’s back before giving him a few firm tugs. It seemed that Kent was slowly being freed from the viscous substance. Willy exhaled a breath of exertion, sweat beading on the edge of his forehead. He gave Kent one final tug before the boy was finally free. However, the force sent both of them sprawling backwards. They landed in a nearby puddle with a loud sploosh and their uniforms were completely coated in the grime. 

“Eugh,” Kent called out as the substance coated his arms. It seemed he finally shook out of his stupor, though it wouldn’t be much help, now would it? The two had already gotten drenched from the rain - the mud didn’t help. Neither did the fact that the rain had suddenly turned quite cold. In fact, Kent felt the rain seep through his uniform and chill him to the bone. He shivered. 

“Ah.. So much for that idea, heh,” Willy said, shaking his head with a hearty chuckle. He pushed himself into a standing position before extending his arm outwards in Kent’s direction. Kent grabbed a hold of it and Willy hoisted him upwards. They two carefully walked away from the mud. When they made it back to the vehicle, Kent slumped against the cool metal and sighed. So much for going home, He thought to himself, a glum look crossing his features. 

“Don’t look so sad, son,” Willy spoke before placing a gentle hand on Kent’s shoulder. He frowned at Kent’s expression and scrambled for something that might cheer Kent up. A small sigh slipped past Willy’s lips, though he spoke once more, “Look, Kent, I know it seems.. Well.. bad, and yer now soaked an’ covered in mud.. But, I’m goin’ to get you home - I promise. Even if I have to march myself into the city and find a car. I mean, there has to be someone willin’ to help, right? We just need a way to contact them..” 

“Wait a minute,” Kent spoke, cutting off Willy’s train of thought. An idea popped into Kent’s head: his mother was always willing to help, and he knew her number by heart, they just needed a way to contact her. He pushed himself off of the vehicle and began pacing around in a small circle. What could they use to contact his mother? Kent’s lips form a thin line and his brow furrowed in concentration. He glanced around the nearby area, squinting at a distant box near a dim light post. Bingo. A payphone. Kent patted his pants, turning his pockets inside out to check for some sort of currency. Nothing. He turned to Willy and asked, “Hey, Willy, do you have like.. 25g on you?” 

Willy raised an eyebrow, though he patted his own pockets. He pulled out a small, slightly tarnished 25g coin. He placed it in Kent’s palm, though he looked at him skeptically and added, “Kent, I don’t know how 25g is goin’ to help us in this scenario, son.. Can’t exactly go make a wish in a wishin’ well, can ye?” 

“Just trust me,” Kent started. He took the coin and placed it into his pocket. He turned to Willy and spoke once more, “I’ll be back.” With that, he turned and began walking away from the vehicle. However, he was soon stopped. 

“Hold on a second,” Willy protested, his face contorting in worry, “Where are ya going, lad? And what, exactly, do you plan to do with me coin? That’s my lucky 25g, I’ll have you know!” 

Kent sighed, though he stopped in his tracks and faced Willy once more. He motioned over his shoulder, pointing at the payphone, before explaining, “I’m going to call my mom. Maybe she can help us!” 

“Kent, those payphones haven’t worked in years,” Willy explained, his voice slightly dismissive. A frown creeped onto the older man’s lips and he added, “Yer waistin’ your time.” 

“It’s worth a shot, right?” Kent asked, a hopeful expression crossed his features. 

Willy shook his head, though gave no verbal protest. Instead, he motioned towards the payphone and gave a small, reluctant sigh before speaking, “Fine. Just don’t go gettin’ yerself hurt.” Kent smiled at him and turned around once more - though he swore he heard Willy grumbling to himself. Something like “Well, there goes me lucky coin.. You better answer, Misty.” 

Kent ignored Willy’s grumbling and began his trek towards the light post. He glanced around at his surroundings - making sure it was safe - and walked up to the phone. Kent closed his eyes and held the small coin in between his thumb and pointer finger. He mumbled a silent prayer to Yoba - hoping that his mother (or even Ruby) answered the phone. He knew the storms always made the telephone connection dodgy. Kent also knew that their small apartment didn’t have the best reception or radio signal on a clear day. Please, Yoba, He spoke in his mind, If you’re real, let my mother answer the phone.

Kent opened his eyes and slowly crept the coin towards the slot. He carefully inserted it and heard it fall into… wherever it is they go with a soft clink. Kent gulped before reaching a shaking finger upwards. The number easily came to mind and he put it in without a second thought. Kent grabbed the now ringing receiver and held it up to his ear. 

For a while, all Kent was met with was the faint brrring of the dial tone. His hope began to slowly diminish, though just as he was about to hang up, someone picked up on the other end.

“Neilson residence. Misty speaking,” A voice responded professionally.  

Kent couldn’t believe it. He looked towards the sky and mouthed a small “thank you”. 

“Mom?” Kent asked. A faint tear formed in the corner of his eye. It had been months since he heard his mother’s voice. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed it. 

“Kent?” Misty asked, letting out a gasp on the other end, “Is that you, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah,” He replied with a small sniffle, “Yeah, Mom. It’s me.” 

“Oh, sweetheart! I’m so glad to hear from you,” His mother replied, her own sniffle echoing through the speaker box. Then, as if the situation dawned on her, Misty spoke again - confusion in her voice -, “How are you calling me, honey?” 

“I.. uh, well, I found a payphone,” Kent explained. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“How on Earth did you manage that?” Misty asked, dumbfounded. As far as she knew, Kent was still on the secondary base (and as far away from civilization as possible). She added, “I thought they didn’t allow any phones on the base? For, you know, security reasons, I’m guessing..”

“Well, that’s the thing…” Kent started, anxiously twirling the phone wire around his finger. He let out a small breath before explaining, “I’m actually…not at the base. Not anymore, anyway. That’s why I called, to be honest.”

“Kent Neilson,” his mother started, the scold evident in her voice, “what in the world did you do?” She paused for a bit before adding, slightly panicked, “They didn’t….they didn’t kick you out, did they?” Misty’s voice went quiet as she said the last part. Everyone knew that being kicked out (or “discharged” for a more technical term) from the military was never a good sign. It meant you had done something so awful - so heinous - that you could no longer be associated with the Ferngill Republic military.

“No, Mom,” Kent denied, easing his mother’s mind and denying her fears, “They didn’t kick me out, don’t worry.” Though, they might after they find out I left, Kent grumbled to himself. He shook the thought from his mind. He spoke once again, “I sort of.. left?” His voice rose on the word “left” as he pursed his lips together. He knew his mother would likely scold him for acting so irrational and doing something so crazy. 

“Left?” She asked, her voice rising in disbelief. Kent grimaced. Misty went quiet for a moment, debating Kent’s words. Eventually, the caring nature seeped back into her voice and she spoke once more, “That’s not like you, sweetheart. Did something happen?” 

Kent’ sighed, though he gripped the receiver tighter. He spoke, his voice slightly shaky as emotions threatened to overtake him, “Yeah.. Yeah something happened.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Misty asked. Though she was quite surprised when Kent blurted out a loud “No!” 

“Sorry.. That’s not what I meant, Mom,” Kent tried to explain, a small sigh slipping past his lips. He grimaced and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knew his outburst likely hurt his mother’s feelings. He tried to reconcile the situation, “I’ll explain everything… as soon as I get home.” 

“When are you coming home, by the way?” Misty asked, a small ‘hmm’ slipping from her lips as she considered Kent’s words. She eventually gave in and nodded. She couldn’t stay mad at her son - the feeling of missing him far outweighed any anger she might’ve had. Misty spoke, “I miss you, dear. Jodi misses you. Ruby and I have been trying our best but, as of late, Jodi seems a bit more…worried than usual. She keeps mumbling about her brother? Something about unanswered letters..” 

Kent’s expression fell. Has the letter explaining Danny’s death not arrived yet? He knew the mail was quite slow, but it had been almost two days. Surely that was enough time to send a measly letter.. Kent frowned. He had hoped Jodi would have at least some form of an idea of what happened. He wasn’t too eager to be the one to break the news. Kent went silent. 

“Kent?” Misty asked, confused. “Are you still there, honey? This blasted thing I swear.. Always breaking at the worst of times!” She moved to hang up, assuming the signal had been lost. Kent’s eyes widened and he quickly spoke, shaking out of his stupor.

“Yeah, I’m still here..” He assured her. He paused for a minute as he remembered the reason he called in the first place. He and Willy were stuck, after all. “Um, listen, about that.. I had a question,” Kent spoke, chewing on his lower lip as he tried to keep his thoughts at bay. 

“Yes?” 

“Can you come and get me?” Kent asked. He looked around and tried to determine just how far they were from the city. He pursed his lips together. The rain was still quite dense and made it impossible to see. “The car got… sort of stuck in the mud. Willy and I are near the outskirts of the city. I can’t tell you exactly where because I.. don’t know, really.. But just look for the armored vehicle.” 

“Wait, Willy is with you?” She asked, knitting her brows together. She hadn’t heard or seen that name anywhere since the day Chris died. And, truth be told, all she had received was a small note of condolences from the man. 

“Yeah?” Kent asked, his own confusion seeping into his words. He spoke again, this time adding a bit more joking nature to ease his mother’s mind, “You didn’t think I was crazy enough to travel this way by myself, did you?” 

“Sweetheart, we both know how easily you get lost,” Misty responded, though there was no real malice in her voice. In fact, Kent swore he could see the smile on his mother’s lips now. She spoke once again, “Alright, dear. I’ll come find you. Stay with Willy until I get there, alright?” 

“Okay. You got it, Mom,” Kent spoke. He reached the phone outwards - attempting to place it back on the stand to hang up - but a small voice nagged at the back of his mind. He brought the receiver back to his mouth. Kent hesitated, unsure of what else to say. Eventually, he spoke, “Oh yeah, before you go… There’s one more thing I needed to tell you.” 

“What’s that, sweetheart?” Misty asked, tilting her head in confusion. 

“I love you.” 

“Aww, I love you too, dear,” Misty replied with a wide smile. 

She spoke again, “Okay, I’m going to hang up now. I’ll be there to get you in a few minutes!” And with that, Misty hung up the phone with a soft click. Kent stood there, holding the beeping receiver in his hands. His previous thoughts seemed to return. He couldn’t believe he had been too preoccupied with his own grief to ask if Jodi was alright. To make matters worse, the last letter he sent had been short and terse - as it was the day after Danny’s funeral. He silently hoped she wasn’t mad at him for that. He also hoped that he wouldn’t be the one to tell Jodi about her brother, that the letter would arrive before he did, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

An beep sounded and the automated voice filled his ears with a shrill Please Deposit 25g To Make Another Call. Kent sighed and hung the phone back on the stand. He trudged back towards the vehicle and stood next to Willy, resuming his position of being leaned against the side. 

“Well?” Willy asked once Kent returned. He raised an eyebrow, trying to read the boy’s features and determine what had happened. He prodded for more information, “How’d it go?” 

Kent gave a small nod and explained the phone call with his mother - making sure to mention the fact that she would be there soon. The two waited and, sure enough, about fifteen minutes later a car pulled up. Kent raised a hand to shield his eyes as the headlights cut through his vision, momentarily blinding him until Misty realized and dimmed them. Kent approached his mother’s car and motioned for Willy to follow him. However, the man remained motionless. Kent turned back, confused.

“What’s wrong, Willy?” Kent asked. A small frown found its way onto his lips and his brows furrowed together. He was full of questions, so he spoke once more, “Are you coming?” 

Willy shook his head, “No, son. I’m not comin’.” 

“What?” Kent asked, dumbfounded. Willy had gone all this way and for what? Just to turn around once Kent entered the city? Kent didn’t like that thought one bit. “Why not?” 

“There’s nothin’ left for me there, Kent,” Willy explained, shrugging his shoulders slightly. A small sigh slipped from his lips and Willy looked at the ground - he couldn’t bear to see the hurt look on Kent’s face. Gazing at his muddy shoes, Willy spoke again, “That was always the plan, ’m afraid. I just needed to make sure ye got to the city safely, lad. Now, you don’t need me anymore, you’ve got yer Mammy.” 

“Willy, that’s not true!” Kent protested. He felt tears well up in his eyes. Kent felt like a child, pleading with someone who wouldn’t listen. He clenched his fist in anger, shaking as emotion overcame him. Kent spoke again, desperately trying to convince Willy to stay, “I need you. Please, Willy.” His voice spoke and cracked.

“Kent, just get in yer Ma’s car,” Willy replied, another sigh slipping past his lips. He finally looked up at Kent, his lips forming a thin line at Kent’s expression - which was raw with emotion and coated in hurt. “You aren’t making this any easier on me, son.” 

“So, what?” Kent spoke, his emotions churning and bubbling once again. He felt a mixture of anger, sadness, hurt… but most of all, he felt betrayed. Why would Willy make this great effort just to leave in the end? It didn’t make sense. He continued to protest, “You’re going back to that place? The place that took everything from you? And I’m supposed to be fine with that?”

“No, Kent,” Willy spoke, shaking his head. Willy bit his lower lip, taking in the boy’s words. “You aren’t supposed to be fine with anythin’. That’s how life is. Things happen outside of yer control.”

“Look, lad,” Willy continued. He looked at Kent and a remorseful expression covered his features. He looked at the car behind the boy -  seriously debating Kent’s offer before shaking his head. “I have to go back. It’s my duty. You’ll understand that some day, I know it,” Willy admitted sadly. 

“You’re just going to leave? After everything?” Kent asked, tears now pouring down his cheeks. He sniffled and closed his eyes to avoid any more tears. It didn’t help that they were still being soaked by the vicious rain. Kent slowly opened his eyes and watched Willy tentatively. Eventually, he added, “What if I never see you again?” 

To this, Willy responded with his usual heart chuckle and a shake of his head. He then stated, “I have a strange feelin’ you’ll see me again, lad. Just not in the way you’d expect.” Willy smiled at him - as if they were exchanging an inside joke. 

Kent sighed. Willy’s words did little to comfort him. Though, a part of him knew that Willy was right. They would see each other again. Kent gave a small nod and slowly edged closer to his mother’s car.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, lad,” Willy spoke, watching Kent walk away. Willy felt a small pang in his chest. He had only known Kent for a year but he had grown rather fond of the boy. Kent was like the son Willy never had. 

Before he realized it, Kent ran towards the man and wrapped him into a tight hug. Willy’s eyes widened as the sudden force nearly caused him to topple over. Though, he wrapped his own arms around Kent and gave him a tight squeeze in return. Kent held the man for as long as he could, but his mother beeped the horn to signal they needed to go. He looked up at Willy sadly before speaking, “Thank you, Willy. For everything.” 

Willy smiled before giving Kent a fatherly pat on his back. Eventually, he carefully pushed Kent off and motioned towards Misty’s car. Willy reached a hand up and playfully ruffled the top of Kent’s hair before adding, “Now, get outta here, lad. Your lass is waitin’ on ye back home.” 

A sad smile spread across Kent’s lips, but he turned and walked towards Misty’s car. He grabbed the handle and opened the door. Though, before he got in, Kent turned and glanced at Willy one final time. He beamed up at him before waving until his arm hurt. Then, Kent got into the car and closed the door. As Misty began driving off, Kent glanced out the window and watched Wily. Though, it seemed like Willy wasn’t alone. Kent swore he saw a familiar figure standing next to the man - a figure who was burly, gruff, and had wrinkles near his eyes from smiling. Kent reached a hand outward, pressing it against the window as the two figures faded in the distance. 

Willy glanced to his left, smiling up at the figure next to him. 

“Well, Chrissy,” He spoke, shaking his head as a smile spread across his lips, “I think I fulfilled my promise, don’t you?”  Willy watched as the figure nodded - his form shimmering and glinting as the rain passed through him. 

“That’s some boy you’ve got there, old friend,” Willy continued. A proud expression crossed his lips and he spoke again, “He’s goin’ places. I guess I should, too. After all, the universe waits for no one, huh?” 

Willy got into his vehicle and it immediately roared to life. He’d never tell Kent this, but it was an all-terrain vehicle. They were never actually stuck. He gave one final glance at Misty’s car speeding away in the distance before driving back to the base. 

In Misty’s car, Kent was recalling the events until he left that morning - though he made sure to leave out gruesome and painful parts (which was basically all of it). Essentially, he told his mother two of his closest friends had died, he was injured (which caused Misty to break out into a panic and Kent had to spend several minutes assuring her he was fine), and then explained how it was all too much and he needed to leave. Luckily, Misty - even though she knew it wasn’t the entire story - didn’t ask too many questions. She knew her son, which means she knew that he would talk about it when (or if ever) he was ready. 

The car pulled into the lot behind their apartment and the two got out before approaching the door. Kent hung back, anxiously fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. 

“Are you coming, honey?” Misty called back at her son, a look of concern covering her face. 

“Yeah.. I’ll.. I’ll be in a bit, Mom,” He assured his mother. Misty gave a nod and entered the building. Kent paced around - his nerves eating away at him. He was excited to be home and see Jodi, sure, but he was also quite worried. After all, he had - rather unfortunately - lost her favorite hair tie (and her brother) and now what? He had to break the news to her? He didn’t know if he could do it. While Kent was debating, the door slowly creaked open behind him. 

“Kent?” Jodi asked, stepping out onto the stairs and looking out. She squinted through the heavy rain and pulled her cardigan closed. 

Upon hearing her voice, Kent turned around and glanced up at his wife. He gave her a soft smile and approached her.

Jodi scrutinized Kent when he stopped in front of her. The first thing she noticed was his hair: while it was still spiky and pointed on top, the once fluffy sides had been buzzed - shaved close to the scalp. It was unusual and unlike anything Jodi had seen before. She wasn’t sure how to feel about it. The next thing she noticed was two large gashes across Kent’s face - one spanning from his left nostril and angled down to his chin, creating a thick scar near the corner of his mouth, and the other across the bridge of his nose. 

Jodi frowned and reached her hands up to gently cup Kent’s face. She carefully ran her thumb over the scar on Kent’s mouth, her brows furrowing together. Jodi looked up at her husband and felt tears well up in her eyes.

“Oh, Kent,” She pleaded, rubbing her thumb over his scar once again. Kent leaned into her palm before turning his head and placing a gentle kiss onto her wrist. A single tear fell from her eye and she spoke once more, “What did they do to you, Cactus?” 

 Kent gave a sad smile at the nickname. He reached his hand up and brushed away Jodi’s tears before resting his own hand against her cheek. His heart sank when she glanced at his wrist and noticed it suspiciously empty.

“I’m sorry, Starfruit,” Kent spoke sadly, looking at his own wrist with a forlorn expression. A small sigh slipped past his lips and he added, “I lost your hair tie.” 

“Oh, honey, it’s alright,” Jodi spoke, though there was some sadness in her voice. She hid the emotion by beaming up at Kent and speaking once more, “I’m just glad you’re alright. It’s just a.. silly hair tie, after all..” 

“No, Jo, it’s not alright,” Kent replied, shaking his head in dismissal, “It was.. It was important and it was yours… and I lost it. It’s gone and it’s all my fault.” Kent finally broke, tears began streaming down his cheeks once again. He felt Jodi’s thumb brush against his cheek once again, wiping away the tears tenderly. 

“I have a feeling we aren’t just talking about a hair tie,” Jodi started, a small, knowing look crossing her face. A small sigh slipped from her lips and she added, “Are we?” 

Kent shook his head, a look of utter despair crossing his face. He wrapped his arms around Jodi and buried his face in her neck. His body shook as sobs racked through him. Through his tears, he managed to squeak out a small, “I tried to save him. I tried so hard, Jodi.” 

Jodi reached her hand up and laced her fingers in the edges of Kent’s hair, holding him as close as humanly possible. She knew something like this would happen and she had pleaded with Danny not to leave the day he enlisted. Jodi felt fragile, as if someone had taken a hammer and smashed her porcelain heart to bits, laughing as it shattered. Her own sobs bubbled in her chest, threatening to spill over and consume her completely. The only thing that seemed to keep that from happening, however, was Kent. 

Kent tightened his grip on Jodi, reaching his own hand up to cradle the back of her head. He knew that, no matter how much he hurt right now, she would be hurting much worse. After all, Danny was her brother and she talked about him and their misadventures as children constantly. Kent had never imagined he’d meet the guy - especially not under the circumstances he did meet him - or that he’d ever become best friends with him. But, thinking back on how Jodi described him, it was impossible not to love Danny, Kent realized. 

He let Jodi cry onto his shoulder. Kent held her close and tightened his grip - afraid that if either of them let go they’d both shatter completely. When Jodi finally moved her head off of Kent’s shoulder, she glanced up at him sadly. 

“What happened to him?” Jodi asked, though she wasn’t sure she’d like the answer. She needed to know, regardless of how it made her feel. She had to know what happened to her brother.

Kent gave a small, solemn nod and began retelling the events - including the details about Lee and Lee’s death. Jodi listened intently, though a small frown formed on her lips.

“Lee? That name sounds familiar..” She spoke, tilting her head to the side as she tried to remember where she had heard it before. Then, recognition washed over her. She sprinted back into the house and dashed into Kent’s room - ruffling through her belongings and pulling out a stack of letters from her brother. Kent watched her walk away, slightly confused. He decided he didn’t want to get any more soaked than he already was and followed her inside. 

Jodi flipped through each letter, intently scanning the contents for the familiarity. Eventually, she found it in one of Danny’s more recent letters - one dated three days ago. She snatched it up and ran towards Kent. When she made it back to his side, she pointed at the letter excitedly. 

“Now I know why that name was so familiar!” She exclaimed, wildly waving the letter in front of Kent’s face. She handed it to him and pointed at one of the later paragraphs. “Danny mentioned a ‘Lee’ in this!” 

It read: “I had a nice talk with a friend this morning, he tells me he’s your husband. While I’m a bit upset you didn’t share this with me, I can’t be too mad, can I? After all, I haven’t shared the most exciting news of all. I think.. I think I may have a crush on someone. His name is Lee. Ah, I feel like a schoolgirl, Dumpling. Everytime I think about him and his nice smile I can’t help but turn into a tomato.. I spoke to your husband and asked for help - I mean, I think I seriously like this guy, Jodi. As in, I “want to confess to him” type of serious.. Anyway, Kent gave me some good advice and I might take it. Wish me luck. Always and forever, your love-struck older brother - D.” 

“I mean, when I read this I was shocked,” Jodi started. She read the words again and continued, “Danny, having a crush on someone? It was unheard of. I was so eager to hear how it went - maybe a little too eager.. I sent maybe five letters or so..”

“But, there was no response and I began to get worried,” Jodi explained, her brows furrowing together. A small sigh slipped past her lips and she brought the paper close to her chest, inhaling the faint woodsy scent of the parchment. Danny always smelled like that when he hugged her. She missed it. She missed him. Jodi spoke once more, “And, now, learning everything that’s happened? I just hope he can finally be.. I don’t know…himself, I guess.  I always hated how Danny had to hide who he was, you know? He should’ve been able to have a boyfriend - preferably one who I could tease him about. I mean it’s only a little sister’s right, you know!” 

Kent gave a small nod, though reading the words had caused his chest to tighten even further. He really couldn’t believe his friends were gone. It felt like he had only known them for a short time. He reached upwards and wrapped his fingers around the three I.D. tags on his necklace. He just wished he could see them again - wished he could see them happy, and safe. An idea popped into his head. 

“Hey, Jodi?” Kent spoke, calling out to try and get Jodi’s attention. 

“Mhm?” Jodi replied, turning to look at her husband. 

“Let’s go stargazing,” He suggested, already moving to grab a blanket and some jackets for the two of them before adding, “There’s something I want to show you.” 

“You know I’m not one to turn down a good stargazing session, Cactus,” Jodi started, skepticism ebbing into her voice. She motioned towards the window, towards the rain droplets that were still pounding against the thin glass, and raised an eyebrow. She added, “But it’s still raining.” 

“I know,” Kent confirmed with a small nod. He reached over and grabbed Jodi’s hand, intertwining their fingers together and giving her arm a gentle tug before speaking again, “Just trust me. You’re going to want to see this.” 

Jodi looked at him, still skeptical, though she nodded and allowed him to drag her back out into the rain. The two trudged to the patch of grass - their patch of grass. Kent unrolled the blanket and carefully spread it across the damp ground. 

He laid down and patted the spot next to him. Jodi quickly took her own spot, though she snuggled up against Kent - her head laying on the middle of his chest -  and draped her arms around his waist. He wrapped his own arms around her shoulders before explaining what Willy had told him previously. When he finished his shoddy attempt at explaining, he spoke.

“Just.. look at the sky,” Kent instructed, motioning towards the stars with one of his hands before returning it to it’s resting position on Jodi’s forearm. He added, “Tell me what you see.” 

Jodi did as she was told. She looked at the stars. They just looked like normal stars. She turned back to Kent and looked up at him skeptically. She made a small squeak of protest, though Kent shushed her and pointed back at the sky. Jodi raised an eyebrow but turned and glanced back at the sky. To her amazement, the stars had begun to shift and rearrange themselves before her very own eyes. 

She let out a small gasp of astonishment and watched intently - utterly transfixed by the phenomenon. It was unlike anything she’d ever seen before. Soon, the stars were no longer stars at all. They swirled and morphed into the outline of two figures. Out of the two of them, only one looked familiar. Jodi squinted, looking up at the sky intently as the figures began to sharpen and come more into focus. She let out another gasp as recognition washed over her features.

“That’s Danny,” Jodi exclaimed, happiness washing over her. She reached a hand up and pointed at the figure of her brother. Her eyes shifted to the other - the figure she didn’t know - and she looked at Kent, puzzled, before asking. “If that’s Danny, then… that means.. That must be-”

“That’s Lee,” Kent confirmed with a small, solemn nod. He wrapped his arms around Jodi once again. He placed a gentle kiss onto the top of her hair before resting his chin on the top of her head. Kent moved and ran a caring hand up and down Jodi’s forearm before adding, “I like to think they’re happy, you know? They’re finally together.”

“And, they don’t have to hide or be ashamed of who they are,” Jodi added with a small nod. She completely understood Kent’s sentiment. 

Jodi leaned into Kent’s touch and closed her eyes, letting the image of her brother’s smiling face fill her mind. It made her heart ache less knowing that, wherever Danny was, he wasn’t alone. He had someone who cared about him. He had Lee.

[bigmammallama5]

hi 2 things 1: bone eater looks really really cool holy shit pls keep us posted and 2: is there like a story behind him or anything? i dont think ive actually seen him on your blog before

1. THANK YOU I'm so nervous. This is the second time I've built him and I haven't done much sculpture in a REALLY long time, certainly nothing this large in clay that wasn't a vessel. I've had to fix his left knee about three times even with a ridiculous amount of slip/score action, so hopefully I finally got him together (he's also got some support under his hips and wrists). He is. Very heavy lol. I think I may need to pick a connection point along his middle to cut him into two pieces, if only for drying and transportation purposes...

2. And kinda! He's actually been on my blog but in drawn form a couple times in my explorer supergirl/supercorp drawtober series from 2018 and then just this past year 2023! I totally understand how you missed him though because I'm just on here barfing memes 22 hours a day. To save you time trawling back through my blog (but if you're bored I won't stop you, just follow the "arting" tag") you can see those on my artstation:

Inktober 2018: Build a World in 31 Days "TERRAH"

Drawtober 2023: Return To TERRAH

I have a very loose idea, really more of a vibe, that Bone Eater is that culture and planetary system's deity of decay in a system of three, because everybody loves systems of threes and odd numbers! With him are the Spore Mother (birth, beginning), and World Ender (death, ending) (both names still not quite confirmed but I like them). He is the connection point between life and death, consuming so that more may become. Boom, crash, ominous sounds, goofy three-eyed grins and big chompers.

Here are my most recent super rough planning sketches of this current sculpture and hopeful next sculptures from a drawpile I noodled around in with @sango-blep (who is amazing and very supportive of my shenanigans while I gently coax my brain back to drawing after my health punched me in the face this past year):

He's maybe not quite as padded as I made him originally but I'll just have to keep practicing, maybe see if I need to look into actual armature or something if I want to keep doing this in the future? If I can get him back in mostly one piece I'd really like to make the other two as well in the same scale (this is a reminder to myself to take some wet measurements today) but I'd have to adjust the pose of World Ender for him to fit in our studio kilns. Ours are 24" deep and Bone Eater is clocking in at about 20" (oops), so I'd need to lower his head. I think I picked some compact enough poses, but we'll see. I may be the one loading him into the kiln lol.

BUT YEAH that's Bone Eater and what little I have on him right now LOL.

[athenodora-sulpicia-writer]

The Clairvoyant's White Witch- Part 2

A/N: This is part two to my Vanessa Ives story, I hope you all like it as much as the first part, it’s a bit slow but definitely sweet.

Warning(s): None

I saw the fear wash over Vanessa, the way she stiffened at my words and suddenly, regardless of how close we sat, I know felt a thousand miles away from her.

It was the words 'Witch' that had caused such fear, I wasn't idle minded, I knew what that word meant when the recipient understood the context behind it and clearly Miss Ive's did.

"Why now? You haven't plagued for all these weeks," She began to ask me, her voice hard a steel and I could tell when she said the word 'you' she didn't mean just me, she meant more than one person. "Was it to taunt me further? Distract me with Mina so that I'd forget you were there?"

Now she was standing and backing away from me, placing herself at the far end of the fire place, creating a distance to make herself feel safer.

"Miss Ives I assure you, that whatever creatures have plagued in the past, that I am not one of them. I am a White Witch not a nightwalker, I have no scars to show, I was born the way I am with the duty to help other and that's what I intend to do for you."

My tone was firm and assuring, I knew she'd only reason with me if I came a cross as such and though I remained in my previous position sat on the couch, It seemed that I may have been successful in making ravenette believe me, if only to a certain extent.

"How do I know this to be true, what proof do you have to show me for me to believe such a thing." Miss Ives had stepped out from behind the far end of the fireplace and in doing so had taken a step towards, though I began to wonder what proof I had that I could show her.

There wasn't much I could show her, not now, not at this hour. It was the nighttime and that was when Night Walkers thrived, I was more akin to a Day Walker and so my strength lay in the light of day, not in the darkness of night.

I sat there wondering what I could do, what I could possibly show her to prove that I had no ill intent but I need to think of something quickly, I could see how her patience was beginning to grow thin. The first thing that came to mind, was the birthmark I had on my right shoulder blade, a pair of angel wings, but that would take to long to show and even then I don't think Miss Ives would believe me.

What to do? I thought to myself until an idea finally came to me, there was one thing I could do at night, though began to worry that it wouldn't be enough to convince her but right now it would have to make do.

"Do have anything made of glass that's see through but not easily broken?" I then asked Miss Ives, using a careful tone so as not to push her to far.

Within a moment of contemplation she then cautiously began to walk away from the fireplace entirely and our of my line of site. I know though that she hadn't left the room as there was no sound of a door being opened and closed, which meant she hopefully grabbing what I request from behind.

Regardless of knowing that Miss Ives was still in the room I made no effort to move and turn around to find her exact location. I knew I didn't need to and for some peculiar reason I felt that I could trust her, more than I possibly should.

"Here!" She announced coming back over with an object in hand, before thrusting it out in front of me. I looked over the item before taking it making sure that it was what I needed and thankfully it was.

The ravenette had handed what exactly what I had described, it was a lantern with glass panels, a brass gold top and bottom, with little stars cut out from the top it. Yes, this would do perfectly.

"Just a word of caution Miss Ives, don't be frightened by what you see," I knew that I needn't say such a thing the intellectual woman but it was as if the sentence had been programmed into me and made it compulsory to say.

"Very little frightens me these days, Miss Damar," She spoke my name with a hint of venom as she folded her arms in front of chest waiting. I only hoped that once she saw that I was telling the truth, that the malice she had for me would become non-existent.

Then, as I knew that sentence would be my confirmation to begin, I opened the tiny glass door on the lantern and then held out my hand towards the fire. Before I did anything though I placed, the lantern down on a table that sat by me and then looking over to Miss Ives I smiled at her before I began.

With the hand that was outstretched towards the fire, I began to slowly curl my fingers back, urging an ember from the flame to come and play. It a moment but very quickly a small ember of fire no bigger than a gold ball, came floating out from the fire and towards my hand.

Once the ember of orange flame had come to rest on the palm of my hand, I looked up to where Miss Ives stood, her face showing little emotion though I could see the slight surprise in her eyes.

My gaze remained focus on Miss Ives as her's was on me and with the ember in my hand I placed it inside the little lantern with the stars and closed its small door.

"Miss Ives, will you come sit down please?" i asked her kindly, patting the spot next to me on the couch, my smile never faltering. She then looked at me as if to say that she didn't want to and that even still she didn't trust me. Though it seemed something in her had finally relented as she did eventually take up the offered seat.

"How is this supposed to prove anything?" She asked me skeptically, still keeping at least some distance between us on the couch.

"You know it does Miss Ives" I began to say, "Don't try and so say it doesn't, you know fully well that if I were a Night Walker Witch, that with that little ember this entire building would set a flame and you'd already be lost."

She knew that what i said was the truth and soon after she was able to ease the battle inside for her, I saw how her body relaxed and I then decided and I could have fun with her.

"Now come closer, this next bit is when the magic truly starts," I spoke to her excitedly, gesturing for her to come and sit closer to me so I could show her something truly magical.

Eagerness and excitement must have convinced her that it was alright as she was now sitting beside me, waiting for me to show her what I had promised.

with Miss Ives beside me, I gave her a final smile before swiftly twisting my wrist and hand, extinguishing the fireplace completely and now the only light in the room, was the little lantern and its ember.

Though how Vanessa flinched in her seat once the fire went out, didn't go unnoticed by me and to reassure her that she was safe, I shuffled closer to her side, our bodies now touching and with my right hand I began to brighten the ember.

I watched how transfixed Miss Ives was on the source of the light, that I couldn't have her missing out on the best part. "Miss Ives," I said quietly gently tapping her on the shoulder and then she turned to face me.

"Look up," And I pointed to the ceiling and she soon followed my gaze upwards.

I heard the audible gasp, at what she saw, first and then she said "It's beautiful," And I couldn't help but smile longingly and wantingly at her as she admired my handy work.

As what shone upon the ceiling weren't only the simply cut out of stars, but the entire universe cast out in an orange glow for all to see and Miss Ives had called it beautiful and yet the only beautiful thing I saw was her.

[techza]

How exhausting is it to run this blog? /gen

Hmmm. Well, not as much as I'd expected it to be back when I started! Thankfully I enjoy it and it doesn't feel like a chore. If i'm not up for blogging one day, I leave it. I never want it to reach the point where i lose passion for it.

have some a lot of details under the cut because this got away from me. feel free to skip it tho

It usually requires about an hour of my time to set up the schedule for the day (currently two because I'm out of practice and theres a lot of different blogs in the queue. I've also been posting more than i used to so that probably doesn't help.)

it might be wayy more than needed in the first place tbf. I like to keep things organized, read the posts and tag them properly, and balance out what gets posted. I queue things up by blog, so there might be anywhere from 50 to 100+ posts from a single person all bunched together, so I don't want to spam their notifs tooo bad. A lot of time is spent wading through the queue trying to find different people's posts.

it's not something i always do but I like to keep an eye on what i scheduled in case I screwed up a tag, so I might check in on it a couple times.

Queueing itself is simple enough thanks to the W shortcut so. Going through blogs isn't an issue. Finding new posts is slowly becoming a bigger task though: I've gone through most the blogs that I know of. At this point I'm looking through people that have reblogged things in the past in case they have anything else in their blogs. For that I'm keeping a spreadsheet documenting every single blog that i have seen, among other things.

I think that's everything? Once i'm fully done posting what's left, i'll go through the whole blog and 1. add tags tags that are needed in both old and new posts 2. get the masterlist up to date.

There's also a feature on tumblr that lets you backdate posts so i might date posts on the day/month/year they were actually made on, still haven't made up my mind about that. And of course i'll be giving the second blog a lot more attention wink wonk

I did take a break during June because life got ridiculously hectic and doing uni projects from dawn till dusk and then organizing stuff was a bit much for me lol

now that I'm putting it all in one place I'm realizing how much ive actually gotten done, but good news is that it doesn't feel like a lot. really been enjoyin it so far :D

[aurasoulhikari]

Zexal Month Week 5 Day 26: R is for Ruins

@zexalmonth So this will be staring my OC Manami who is Shark's girlfriend, wife in the past life, practically his soulmate at the rate I'm going so please enjoy.

Manami walked down the long halls of the castle looking around and sighed. She had been here for two weeks and still was not used to her new home. And she had no one to speak with given Merag was doing her prayers and Nasch was out training with his knight Durbe. She stopped thinking of her husband-to-be. To say she had been against this arranged marriage was the understatement of the century. Upon hearing from her father that he and Princess Merag of the United Lands of the Poseidon Ocean had arranged for her to marry the King, Merag's twin brother, Manami had been livid. She had no desire for marriage wanting to focus on her own kingdom as the only heir to the throne but her father had begged her to at least meet her betrothed and get to know him before making any rash decisions. She knew her father was only worried for her having lost his wife in child labor and nearly losing his daughter due to complications Manami was her father's pride and joy and simply wanted her happiness. So despite her reluctance she came to meet Nasch. While she had known ahead of time she was still surprised of how the King of such a prosperous nation was in fact the same age as her and despite is rough disposition he had treated her kindly and with respect even as far as to apologize for his sister's mischief (Ignoring the obvious glare Merag gave her brother). And despite wondering his sister's thinking (again the glare) Nasch wanted to get to know Manami in a proper courtship and to her own shock she agreed without thinking.

Manami sighed, rubbing her temple as she walked again. She had no idea why she actually accepted but she can't say she regretted it. During the two weeks of her stay here Nasch truly took the time to get to know her not as the crowned princess of her kingdom but simply Manami. And as much as she wished to deny it she too was enjoying getting to know Nasch and spending time with him. She could truly see herself falling for him. But was she ready for the commitment of marriage and the responsibilities of being his queen? Compared to her own kingdom, the United Lands were an established kingdom that far exceeded her own which meant more work and duties. And while she wasn't one to run away from such things she couldn't help but feel small in comparison.

'Am I worthy enough to stand by his side?' She wondered to herself with a sigh.

"Manami." Manami jumped quickly, turning to see Nasch walking to her, making her flush and quickly bow.

"Sire do forgive me I thought you were training with Sir Durbe." She apologized.

"Manami, I told you before to just call me Nasch." He said instead, taking her hand to make her stand straight. "You are after all my betrothed."

"Y-yes of course do forgive me." She flushed more. He watched her for a moment before he smiled and properly took her hand.

"Come." He said.

"E-Eh?" She blinked and gasped to have him pull her along. She quickly matched her step to his following him, while still holding his hand wondering where they were going. Finally she saw that they were walking to the gardens and gasped to see a table with a beautiful meal laid out as they stopped.

"What's all this?" She blinked surprised.

"Ive been kept busy with so many meetings that I haven't had time to speak with you." He admitted. "This is my way of apology."

"Oh Nasch..." She spoke speechless.

"Come while it's fresh." He said, leading her to the table. She nodded, following him he pulled out her chair making her flush more as she took a seat and he did the same. The two began eating and talked for a while. As Manami took a bite of her fish Nasch set his utensils down.

"Manami I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest." He said.

"Of course." She nodded surprised.

"I want your opinion of our engagement." He said, to her surprise. "Do you see a future for our marriage?"

She was stunned by his question and couldn't help but ask.

"What about you?" She asked. "Do you see a future?"

"I do." He answered firmly, much to her surprise. "I know you didn’t realize this but I’ve heard from my men how you've been getting to know the soldiers and servants here. How you listen to their concerns and issues and help to find solutions for them in any way you can."

Manami flushed bright pink not realizing he had known. Back in her castle due to her early weakness she had to stay within the castle walls should she ever collapse. So she had become quite close with all the castle servants, handmaidens, even the soldiers and other workers. So upon her arrival here she made it a point to do the same here while Nasch and Merag were busy. She never guessed either of them had noticed or realized it. He smiled upon her blush.

"No need to be embarrassed, I'm actually quite glad you care about the people as much as I do." He said. She looked at him as he stared across the garden.

"I was crowned young after my parents passing, so I felt I had to do right by the people for their sake." He admitted. "I don’t regret my choices getting me where I am today and I do it all again."

She blinked stunned by the firm conviction and strength in his eyes yet at the same time she could see the heavy burden that was placed on his shoulders that he carried for the people. Taking a breath she reached to take his hands in hers much to his surprise.

"I do not know what the future holds for us. It's ever changing like the ocean waves we live by." She admitted, but held a firm gaze. "But you have my word that I will help you guide the people and protect them just as you have done and continue to do so. So please rely on me to help you hold the weight."

He looked stunned for a moment before he gave a grateful smile holding her hands firmly.

"Thank you."

             Manami opened her eyes feeling sunlight before sitting up with a yawn. Then blinked, feeling something around her waist. She looked down and smiled fondly at Shark still fast asleep with an arm wrapped firmly around her waist. To this day she still didn’t know how she got to be so darn LUCKY to be here and now with her beloved, her flipping soulmate if she was being honest with herself, and was grateful to Yuma and Astral every day for giving her and her king this chance in life. He grunted opening bleary blue eyes and looked up at her making her giggle and stroke his hair.

"Morning my king." She smiled. He smiled fondly leaning to her touch.

"Morning my queen." He spoke softly.

[nickelstudy]

JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.

[ocs-by-kingspade]

Hello fantastic fandom fellows!

Just an update on my general life I suppose. I am a writer, if you didn't already know and I have many, many WIPs that I can't wait to be completed...

Unfortunately I am cursed with the blessing of ADHD, however I have long since learned my lesson and no longer post works that I have not completed... however that means that currently, none of my works are posted.

I will (eventually) post my stories on our wonderful AO3 for your consumption... but I'm hoping a little hype will force my brain into submission

Thusly, we come to the purpose of this post. To inform y'all about my different works so y'all can ask questions or just be hyped for my future works or whatevs. This, a short listing of fandoms and a brief description of each work.

A warning, most don't have names yet, but I'm working on it!

Good Omens:

A post season 2 story on stopping the Second Coming and remembering the past - M, with mpreg, true forms, Heaven bashing, and torture themes

A Love I Can't Remember - Crowley still feels hunted by their old bosses, but is this paranoia or something more? - M, with flashbacks, PTSD, really fucking powerful Crowley, and some Eldritch Horror themes

BNHA

Hisashi Midoriya is Toshinori Yagi. He tries to balance hero work with secrets and keeping his family safe. - As of yet unrated, Midoriya adults adopted Aizawa, Aizawa/Yamada, so many secrets and lies

All Might is hero by day, Villain by night who falls in love with a certain night nurse - M, AFO is Yagi's Dad, explicit torture and BDSM scenes, Toshinori/Inko

Surprise! You are Izuku's father, Toshinori! - T (probably to go up, I'm mean to the characters I'm sorry), Trans Toshinori, Trans Izuku, Inko was a Vigilante, Adopted Aizawa and Bakugo, Aizawa/Yamada, Very rough childhoods for our favorite parents

All Might is Evil, take 2. Runs evil company. Falls for a Vigilante - M, Toshinko (can you tell I'm a fan), evilnesses and idk I haven't worked as much on this one and I'm not as good as writing bad guys it gives me anxiety.

Inuyasha

Black Horse and a Cherry Tree - Sesshomaru raises Inuyasha's twin and discovers how to love a human - M for spicy scenes, major character death, battle scenes, birth scenes, they are all adults calm tf down! Sesshomaru/Rin, not apologizing (there will be a part two in modern day Japan if I EVER FINISH THIS, IVE BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR A DECADE)

HP

Riddle Me This, Riddle Me Black - Marauders Era, an OC forms friendship with the strangest people and changes the fate of the Wizarding World- M, child abuse, torture, trying to figure out Right from Wrong, vampires

Snape/James/Lily, Snape does his best for his family after his husband and wife die - M, child abuse, grief, mentions of alcoholism, secret relationship, trying to keep the Problem Child from killing himself is really fucking hard

So that brings us around. These are just the ones that I have actively started in some form or fashion. I have a Zutaraang that floats in my head too but have never committed anything to digital paper yet, so don't be afraid to ask about your favorite fandom!

[respctlss]

pinned post !

     " ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN CONTROLLED -- YOU CAN'T HAVE PEACE WITHOUT A WAR ! "

respctlss ;; an independent MULTIMUSE of HAZBIN HOTEL / HELLUVA BOSS muses feat. VELVETTE. penned by Meechi (20+, they/them). est. 07.20.2024. a study in: the relentless pursuit of power, media mogul adoration, parasocial manipulation, protecting one's own, standing firm in the presence of hardship, questioning the place of Heaven and the need for Hell, and what it means to redeem a soul long past forgiveness. CARRD. RULES UNDER READ MORE.

blogroll:

starwonderz (Tenma Tsukasa singlemuse, priority)

deityleft (DnD OC multimuse, secondary)

roveresonated (Wuthering Waves multimuse, secondary, sideblog to deityleft)

    i. this blog is selective. i only write with my mutuals. i do follow first from time to time ; if you have no interest in writing with me, PLEASE be sure to SOFTBLOCK ME. this also applies for anyone who chooses to unfollow me for whatever reason. i will not take it personally. i want my dash to be a space i can interact and partake in with my mutuals; as such, i'd rather know for certain i can interact with you. as an addition to this rule, i will also only follow blogs that have accessible RULES & INFORMATION. if i am unable to find any on your blog, i may softblock you for a time.

ii. anon is currently on! however, i have the right to turn it off for whatever reason i see fit to. this is a privilege. i ask you not to abuse it.

iii. given the kind of series both Hazbin and Helluva are, nsfw will be frequently mentioned on the blog -- either seriously or humorously. as all the muses are of age, interacting with them in such capacity is alright. i request no one under 18 follow this blog and, if you do, i will hardblock your blog. please do not take that personally; it is for your own safety. for all muns over 18, i am alright with receiving such things, though it will depend on my own personal comfort. feel free to send me such, all the same.

iv. shipping is selective. believe me when i tell you that i love to ship. i love dynamics. however, all my muse relationships are based on chemistry and may even take some time to develop. with the exception of canon relationships, please do not assume any romantic relationships with my muses and, furthermore, no forceshipping. if you want to ship, please communicate with me as i'd love to hear it!

v. proshippers or anyone who affiliates with proshippers, please do not interact with this blog !

vi. au, duplicate, oc, and crossover friendly! please don't be scared to try throwing things my way!

vii. no godmodding, forceshipping, etc. basic etiquette type stuff.

viii. in terms of triggers or tagging, i do not have any of my own. i am squicked / made uncomfortable by mentions of school shootings both in real life and fiction, though, so do be mindful of that. i will be sure to tag anything you need me to, so long as i'm made aware of it. spoilers are tagged automatically. tag formatting looks like this: // spoilers.

ix. i am very, very slow. i get easily distracted, and am often busy with offline demands. i work as a substitute teacher during my days currently, so my work schedule can really fluctuate. i'm also extremely introverted; if you're not someone i've grown close with, conversations can tucker me out and i may drop them at sudden notice. all i ask is for your patience when interacting with me!

addendum: i am making it a practice to clean out my inbox after every two weeks. on Monday nights, i will go through and pick out asks that have overstayed their welcome. please do not take any of this personally. my energy levels for what i'm willing to do fluctuate, and it often makes it harder to write when i feel stressed by the amount i haven't done. this is just a practice i'm using to ensure i don't feel overwhelmed on this blog, thank you!

x. i run on Eastern Standard Time! i tend to be most active in the late afternoon and night hours. i am most frequently on my Tsukasa blog (starwonderz), so if i am not present on here, then i am likely over there!

xi. and most importantly, have fun and let's enjoy writing together!

[beta-adjacent]

may i ask for any tips on how to incorporate a/b/o into my life, like nesting or scents? ive looked but i dont see any lists anywhere

Heck yeah you may, dude!!! :D I think it's hard for us to make lists/an official tip guide because everyone's different. What I’ve written below the cut is certainly more of a guided walkthrough of my experience, but I hope you can get something out of it!!

Scents:

I'll be honest, a lot of scent to me is a mind game, haha. I've found myself most connected when I'm walking past a group of people and smell someone else's perfume. They won't know it, but I'll take solace that they're like me-- we both just want to be smelly.

I don't have a "100% official, patent pending" scent, but I do have what I call a "ballpark of olfactory favorability". And really, I created my ballpark by paying attention to what smells I linger on, haha. Realistically, we wouldn't be able to smell ourselves in the omegaverse, but having a scent as a miscecanis is entirely for ourselves. So I don't like to think of my scent as "how others should/would/could perceive me" but rather "how I want myself to perceive me", or even better "what would I like to smell today?". Oftentimes, my own answer to that varies by day, hence my ballpark.

If you've forgotten what smells exist, Poesie and Demeter are two perfume brands I've been recommended. I haven't tried them myself, so I wouldn't be able to comment on their physical quality, but I still think they're worth looking at! Some of the scents I see in those catalogues I never would've thought of on my own.

More succinct suggestions:

If you're able, try to be actively aware of what you smell. When you have a quiet moment, take a deep breath. What do you smell? Is it good, bad, not much of anything? How does it impact you, if at all?

Think, experiment, and explore with the smells around you. What smells do you associate with being happy, sad, angry? What's something you want to smell? If you met your clone, how would you hope they smelled?

For most of us, we won't be able to smell like our scent. If you're able, surround yourself with what you love to smell, even if that doesn't feel like your scent. Sometimes being around what you love has to be enough.

Nests:

I struggle with nests all the time!!! I naturally, constantly crave them while also being extremely picky about them. Sometimes, all I can do is imagine what life will be like when I'm rich enough to build my six story mansion (and what the one floor dedicated to nests would be like), bwahahaha.

I am privileged to have materials that I find comforting and that elevate my nesting experiences. I'm even more privileged to have a space in my living situation that I can experiment with. It's hard to say "just try different things you like!" because many are unable to.

Some general principles in my mind when I nest:

Expand your idea of a nest. While yes, the classic sleeping structure like a bed is The known nesting base, it sometimes doesn’t feel like a nest at all. And it doesn’t have to be! Look for what feels like yours in your life. Maybe it’s your favorite spot on the couch, or your assigned seat in a classroom, or even your favorite oversized hoodie. The point is that it’s yours, even for just an hour, and that you’re allowed to own that space for as long as you have it (including personal space). This isn’t to say you should nest everywhere and be hyper-territorial; it’s to say that a nest is a place where you feel safe and at home and sometimes that’s not physically in your room

If and only if you can, obtain materials that bring you comfort. I'll be honest; the greatest thing I've ever gotten for a nest was leftover pieces of couch foam. I’m always worried I’ll die of dehydration so there’s almost always a emergency bottle of water near my nest. My friends used to have a system where we would trade plushies every night, and that brought us comfort. All of these things bring or once brought me comfort to my daily life, especially when I come home and need a space to decompress. These materials were not bought specifically for nesting and they certainly don’t have to be conventional.

Listen to your needs/wants and prepare for those to conflict/change. For a week, my brain goes “ooh, you should try sleeping under your bed tonight!” Which is crazy because I’ve tried sleeping under beds a thousand times before and it doesn’t go well. But one night I gave in and laid under my bed, and something in me was soothed. And I had to think about why this was working for me mentally but not physically. What I learned was that my brain really wanted distance from an immovable object in my room, and I was able to change my sleeping situation accordingly. Long story short, by humoring my impulses, I was able to learn where my different needs can compromise

If you’re looking more for the logistics of how to build a nest, there actually are quite a bit of nest inspiration and tutorials I’ve seen float around! I think there’s even a nesting tag but don’t quote me on that. I’ll check in my feed and reblog some stuff I’ve found intriguing before

I know a majority of this sounded rather “philosophically preachy”, for a lack of a better phrase. That’s just how the incorporation works in my life now. If there’s anything to take away, let it be this: there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to be miscecanis or partake in the lifestyle, if your heart is respectful and kind to both the community and to yourself. There is no rush, pressure, or limit to how this journey can manifest for you. Do what sounds fun and attainable; ideas are in just about every fic or blog you’ll find!

I sincerely hopes that this inspires you in your journey!!

[whsprings]

some updates!

I am officially discharging in one(1) week! it doesn't feel real yet. I am very nervous about being able to maintain recovery long-term, especially because I still supplement multiple times a day to meet my meal plan due to fullness. and occasionally due to poor food quality, lol.

I did try to get my dietitian to compromise on my meal plan because I physically cannot do it and uh. that did not work. I am not surprised. but like girl i am not gonna supplement myself so we gotta figure something out here

i have my first snack pass tomorrow! I've been eligible for like two weeks but I didn't get around to planning anything bc I was procrastinating but I guess it's happening.

speaking of passes, apparently insurance wants me to do a full day pass to get some practice before i leave. technically that's a phase 3 thing (I'm phase 2) but my team said they'd make an exception. I'm kind of annoyed that I'm doing passesbfor the first time literally my last week here but in a way being responsible for one snack and one meal per day on php is kind of a pass?? I guess?? also even if things go horribly wrong on my theoretical day pass it won't affect my discharge date so part of me is like oh?? this means I can use the behaviors?? but I don't Want To Do That. but also I do.

the meal outing today was to the fucking cheesecake factory 😭 like this had to be some form of cruel and unusual punishment. like first of all it's not that good and second of all the menu has the calories listed AND is like 10182552 pages long AND we were required to get cheesecake with our meals. oh, and they took forever so by the time we got back to programming it was literally time for pm snack 😭🙃 they let us supplement with dinner (thank god) bc what the fuck

that being said it actually wasn't horrendous. like we tried to keep conversations going and no one was (that) fucking weird about what they ordered. the anticipatory anxiety was definitely worse than the actual thing. I had very strong compensatory restriction urges BUT I still completed my silly little meal plan soooo

my mood has been lower the past few days which has led to me bedrotting after programming instead of doing anything which in turn makes me feel worse which makes me not want to do anything wh-- anyway I love living with depression and having a brain that just fucking wakes up sad for no reason

I am fully, painfully aware that I will not have access to my weight starting when I discharge and it's freaking me the fuck out. despite me completing the past few weeks my weight has been stable which is incredibly soothing to my silly brain and has made completion so much easier. my weight has changed very little from what I admitted at and I would love to keep it that way. that being said, no one seems to have any idea of what my set point is, and I Cannot just. trust my body to take care of that for me. i feel like if I just Knew my weight and could therefore "make sure" it isn't going up and maintain my ability to reassure myself, then maybe I can do this. maybe.

like I can tolerate my current body and size and weight and even though my body image fluctuates I can always come back to the fact that things haven't really changed. but I can't fucking do that if I dont know the number. also if I know the number I can "fix" things if it starts going up. fucks sake.

anyway. ive spent way too long on this and it's almost midnight.

tldr things are mostly going well and i discharge in a week and I am still a control freak.

[transskywardsword]

an update about 'pretending to be you', 'spider/fly' and other stories in the AU:

Hello friends! After getting a few passive-aggressive (and one quite aggressive) comments regarding this, that, and whatever, i sat back and really thought about this fic. i haven't talked much about my upload schedule, but my plan when i write a chapter is to give myself two weeks to write a 7-10k chapter, revise, and post, all while sticking to my very rigorous and rigid outline. as i got more invested in this story, that outline was shifted over, and over, and over, until i was missing my 'rules' for myself over and over. it made me quite upset with myself, and feeling like i was writing too much about what made *me* happy and not enough of what would make *yall* happy, which i saw as more important. frankly, these last few chapters with ere have been the most fun ive had with this fic in months. and with some people not liking the direction i was taking pretending to be you, i got upset with myself for going 'off script' and not following the fic outline and the word requirements for chapters. i felt like, despite the fact that i was *finally* having fun again, i was letting yall down. and that aint a healthy way to approach writing, ya know? ive always written for other's approval. i rarely write for myself. i wont go into a sob story background, but i struggle with self-esteem a lot and fanfiction was a way to help with that. but ive become so focused on making yall happy that ive neglected writing what makes *me* happy, ya know? it's currently 2.34am. despite the fact that im a college student taking night classes and a teacher, ive been up past midnight every night for days working on this fic while fixating on negative comments, and if i can just do *something* make those commenters happy. Basically, this fic is eating me alive. So, i will be going on hiatus. i know this sucks, especially because we're so close to the end, but i need a break. ive been working on this au for *months* and refusing to let myself do anything else. hell, I've wanted to read that delicious dungeon manga for ages and havent let myself bc i didnt want to have 'distractions' from writing this fic. i rewrote an old fic of mine last week (which yall should read!!!) and it reminded me of when i used to write and not get any interaction. i was sad no one was reading my stuff, but i was actually writing for *me* back then, ya know? anyways, this fic is NOT and will never be abandoned. i *will* finish it! I just dont know when. sorry to everyone, and i hope rude commenters know that this isnt because of you, it's for my own sake. still, being rude to people just trying to have fun is, forgive my french, a dick move. do better, please.

much love <3

- Emil

[sunmoonjune]

i conked right back out after reading that first answered ask LMAO ive literally been sleeping 12+ hours a day bc i ended up taking sick leave from work and i also got my period so my body's really just been like hmm what other doozy can i give her but now i'm actually awake and my brain juices are kinda flowing so ive been doing some hard thonking about your comments. this is literally unedited word vomit none of my theories make sense but oh well HAHA

YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG YET???? brb getting my straw so i can drink up the ocean and reveal the iceberg

went back to dig around your past asks and you said a lot of the reason why the villagers hate her is bc of her father and the incident happens around 9-10yo that changes everything sO idk im gonna take some shots in the dark dont laugh at me ,,,,,, so men are usually the only ones meant to train to become a warrior and enter the trials,,,,,,, and ofc as bug's father is the chief of the village he's going to want a son to take over but then he gets two daughters ?? bc you did also hint gender plays a big part of her backstory so im thinking is this one of the underlying reasons in the first place why bug and soojin always had such a rocky relationship with their father even before the incident . . ...... .has bug's mother passed? i feel like she has passed. and i feel like something happened during her death that bug's father then twisted and pinned the blame onto bug. ????? maybe that's why the memories of villagers spitting out it's her fault is so engrained in her :((( and it would make sense why she had the need to make a sign for 'dead'. IDK THERES STILL SO MANY HOLES I CANT SEEM TO THINK OF A SOLID THEORY i need some more hints ;)))))))

HMMMM sometimes soojin wasn't there?? now i'm thinking was it bc yun and bug often found themselves receiving the brunt of bug's father's anger .: they were often punished together and chucked into like a cell or sth so it was just them two sometimes. but then what did YUN do that got him on everyone's bad side too bc him getting banished was fo sho just a convenient opportunity that presented itself for bug's father to get rid of yun. HMHM speaking of ,, he was banished for conspiracy and injuring an officer. yun's not the type of person to just do that for no reason (+ im willing to bet your $11 and my 60c that the situation was twisted to make him look like the bad guy) and im thinking did bug's father say or do something that finally made him snap therefore leading to his accusation HMM

WAIT ALSO ARE THE SCARS UNDER HER MASK IN THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING OR SPELL OUT WORDS ???? bc it's been hinted again and again that there's an awful injury underneath and you have it as the cover of the to-be-published version but you cant reveal it bc it's too big of a spoiler so that leads me to think her face has been deliberately disfigured to look like sth 👀👀

waiting for the published version of ltm to drop so we can get signed copies but also asfksdjg we're gonna need a commissioned version of ltm with the atz boys to purchase instead bc can you imagine the line 'you may have cost wooyoung his yunho' as 'you may have cost kieran his brandon' HAHAHAHAHAAHA I LITRALLY CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT sonia and her random names always have me cackling HAHA

OMG ALSO ARE WE GONNA GET YEO TEACHING BUG TO DANCE IN THE FUTURE OMGGMGGGG THATS THE LITERAL CUTEST i can already see all the boys tripping over each other and manhandling each other out of the way (with love) so that they can reach bug first and extend their hand out to ask for her first dance dsgjkagfdg noooooooooo 😭💕

also none of my friends irl stan ateez so i have no one to tell and i dont use tumblr enough to have moots apart from you (i woke up at 5am that day and saw your notif and couldnt fall back asleep bc i was literally rolling around in bed giggling) so im gonna tell you but im a relatively new atiny and this is going to be my first comeback with the boys and im literally frothing at the mouth with excitement bc the concept teasers ??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

hehehe I SO enjoyed your theories OMG!! Keep sending them my way I eat up all your thoughts on LTM <33

we have not indeed reached the tip of the iceberg ;) but we're close

and haha I would never laugh at you xD this was a very interesting theory about her past and I can't tell you if you're right quite yet,, but I can say: yes, chiefs want a son to take over the title of leader. and bug's father ended up with two daughters... there will be MUCH more on this in the future >:D

onto the topic of bug's mother... this is a VERY important part of the next chapter ;) I'm so glad you've brought it up,,, again I can't tell you much about her until the release of the next chapter but bug's mother does play a VERY BIG role in why certain people despise her so much

I genuinely cannot wait to see your reaction to the lore bits in the next chapter xD it won't reveal everything quite yet but it does reveal some of bug's past so I'm VERY excited,, I hope you'll come back to update your theories after you read it hehe >:D bug's past is long and kind of confusing until I string it all together at the end, but I'm hoping some of you will be able to puzzle it out hehe ;))

as for yun and Soojin,,, part of why Soojin was not with them as much will be referenced in the next chapter I think,, but it may not yet be revealed,, but you are correct in that yun and bug were often on the receiving end of her father and the village's anger :( I can't tell you why they directed it at bug but most of the hate towards yunho simply emerged because he was always trying to stop them from hurting her (this is heavily implied throughout the series so I don't think it's spoiling anything...)

and yunho's banishment.... that will be brought up again as well... perhaps not quite yet ;)

bug's scars.... yes, these are VERY important to bug's past and her entire story! that's why they're the cover of my hardcopy ;) once we reach that part of the story I'll show you the cover so you can get an understanding of what they look like. beneath her mask is extremely relevant to her past and why the village hates her so much... I can tell you that the shape of the scars are less important than what they did to her face...

hehe when the published version finally goes out there's going to be new content in it ;) extra scenes and what not that weren't included here :DD and perhaps I will send signed copies out if you guys want them enough xD

AHHAHA NO I've settled on their names for the published version and I promise there will be no Kieran or Brandon's LMAO,, names in books are SUPER important to me cause they give me a BIG ick in novels xD I cannot read a book about a guy named 'jack' or 'daniel' or something HAHA

and the dancing <33 there will be some fluff in the future about the dancing scene I promise ;)

also omg!! none of my irl besties like kpop either :( I would be happy to be on the receiving end of your rants about the comeback hehe xD I've been an atiny since pirate king and each cb has been AMAZING and I'm very excited too!! me and 🪷 anon have been yelling at each other in messages every time concept photos get leaked xD

I hope this answered some of your theories (even tho I couldn't really say much xD ) thank you for them hehe >:D I LOVE hearing your theories about bug's past because I CANNOT WAIT to reveal it xD

also! do you have a name you want to be called? I've been calling you 'eight' in my head since I saw your first messages but I haven't asked yet xD