#but the thing that when i choose to present as femme - that's also a choice and an effort

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

how do you feel about march eridan?

Ok disclaimer before I get into it, trolls wearing dresses = great and fantastic; in fact, given that the gender differences in troll culture are so much less significant, ALL the male trolls should own some femme-ass clothes, even if it's as simple as just having a skirt version of their pants, and it's a little lame that we didn't get that.

That said, March Eridan specifically kind of annoys me because it has 0 basis in canon (aside from some shoutouts in things like ministrife sprites) but has taken over Eridan discussions so wholly that it's become widely accepted as part of his character that he's really into femme stuff when the opposite is true, and he's got some pretty major characterization tied up in the fact that he does lean so masc, and what specific type of masc he tends to present as.

So first of all, Eridan dresses up to emulate Dualscar, and this is very obvious and straightforward; if you've read the big essay I have pinned to my blog, you know that this is all a part of his basic "I have to be a big bad sea dweller or Something Bad Will Happen" suite of issues.

Thus, we can ALSO assume that the choices he made that aren't made to emulate Dualscar are reflective of his ACTUAL taste in clothing. For example, blue pants instead of purple and black - I believe that this is because Eridan likes to dress up in the blood colors of his dates; he wears a lot of blue because he's hatedating Vriska (and never quite seems to get 100% over her), and we also see this in the rings on his fingers - half of which are fuchsia, for Feferi.

So that leaves us with the glasses, shoes, and scarf. And we know why he dresses like that! It's because he's a hipster. (The scarf has an added benefit of being associated with harry potter-style wizards).

CCG: PAST YOU, PRESENT YOU, FUTURE YOU CCG: AND ABOVE ALL, UGLY SCARFNECKED DOUCHEBAG HIPSTER YOU CCG: WAIT I FORGOT, ALL OF THE YOUS ARE THAT YOU

And very specifically, a masc hipster from the era - the glasses and the ugly-ass shoes are dead giveaways. The slicked-back hair is reminiscent of that fashion style, too. He is also a douchebag. This too is important. He draws from character archetypes of the time that were generally agreed upon to be the most punchable people in existence; his introduction calls him "KIND OF A TOOL" and he consistently acts according to that. Like, I mean, just LOOK at those shades. Those are not the shades of somebody you want to be trapped in a conversation with.

A fairly accurate Eridan fashion board would look something like this:

And, like, it kind of matters that he dresses like this specific breed of pretentious male douchebag; on a meta level, that's the impression he's supposed to give the audience, and on a diegetic level, he CHOOSES to look like this because he has these kinds of interests, but is relegating them to secondary accessories.

We never hear him talk about liking hipster shit; we have to hear it from Karkat and glean it from his design. This is because, as I've talked about before, he actively distances himself from things that make him happy, things that he'd enjoy. The constant push-pull between his ACTUAL interests, and the ones he thinks he has to have because he's supposed to be a big nasty sea dweller, is a huge part of his characterization - for example, the way he keeps claiming that magic and wizards are fake and shitty, but has no less than 6 wizard statues in his respiteblock alone, and cared about his crappy wands enough to bring them onto the meteor.

So that's one of my other issues with March Eridan and the general fanon that he'd be really into femme clothes (and, by extension, fashion) - he wouldn't be forthcoming about it, even if it was true. He has a deep sense of shame and insecurity surrounding what few interests he actually has, because they feel stupid, ridiculous, and frivolous, next to the intense anxiety he has about playing the role society gave him. He's got a very strong sense of duty that makes it very difficult for him to relax and actually enjoy something. Which, you know, probably feeds into his hipster-ness - a movement often defined more by what it doesn't approve of than what it does.

Canon Eridan, when he has a choice of what to wear, overwhelmingly chooses masculine clothing with hipster connotations. And this matters, it's part of his characterization, it says something about him, the same way that it's important that Karkat dresses very simply and baggily (we all know how many insecurities Karkat has about his body) or that Sollux's bifurcation is shown in his clothes. So please please please don't misunderstand my dislike of March Eridan as me saying I don't want him in dresses; I purely dislike it because it's usually SUCH a misread of his character.

And to prove it, here's my other gripe with March Eridan stuff: all the dresses shown in the not-canon "official" artworks don't even flatter his bodytype. Why do his custom mannequins in Pesterquest have CURVES when his Pesterquest sprite doesn't?????

Please, I'm begging you, there are guides for dressing this body type, and even historical fashions that deliberately try to emulate this body type, please if you're going to dress him femme and HC that he enjoys fashion, please put him in clothes that flatter him please

I think Eridan should own some femme clothes, because on Alternia, there are very few differences between the genders, he's rich enough to afford it, and he clearly has more of an interest in fashion in general - but I think the fact that he has a clear canon preference for masculine styles is significant, and I'm really annoying, so it kind of does bothers me that this is a controversial opinion. That being said, I don't want to tell people what they Should and Should Not do, because that's lame. Who cares. He's a fictional character, let people draw him in dresses. Would be very happy if this post causes people to draw him in different styles of dresses though :pray:

[sevensoulmates]

I've never been more convinced then I ever have of Buddie canon and I think we're about to get Buddie canon confirmed in the bachelor party/wedding episode.

I think these 2 episodes, 4 and 5. One told through Buck's the other told through Eddie's are clearly telling a story of two separate queer journeys. One of acceptance(Buck) and the other of repression(Eddie).

I think this episode is going to end with Eddie doubling down on his relationship with Marisol because Buck being bisexual is going to draw feelings inside of Eddie that he is absolutely terrified to explore and he thinks that being with a woman is just going to make those feelings that are getting stronger and stronger for Buck go away, they won't.

Then in episode 6 which is the Bachelor Party/Wedding episode, as Ryan said Eddie is going to let go, have fun and see where it takes him. When Ryan said that I have never been more convinced that something is happening between Buck and Eddie after the bachelor party and it's going to be something very non platonic that will be the reveal that Buddie is canon.

I'm very much inclined to agree with you, especially about episode 4 being Buck's journey of accepting his queerness, and episode 5 being about Eddie's journey of repression. Buck and Eddie have always been narrative parallels on equal and opposite journeys, both heading for the same place but going about it through very different personal arcs.

Like I've said before, I think things are going to get worse for Eddie before they get better. And I think you're so right that episode 5 is going to be things "getting worse" because he's going to double down on Marisol. The more I've been hearing and sussing out with people, it seems like Marisol's sticking around past episode 5 (which sucks, I know! We were all hoping!) but I can see why that choice is being made because unfortunately if we want to explore Eddie's comp-het, then we need a woman around for him to be comp-het with! I think that's likely why they also switched up on Marisol's personal style this season and had her go from tomboyish in s6 to very femme in s7. They needed to represent her being a little bit more of the "perfect woman" for Eddie again a la Ana Flores. Especially in contrast with Buck and Tommy who are very masc-presenting men.

Most of the time when people talk about compulsory heterosexuality in an academic space they are always talking about women because comphet is inherently a byproduct of patriarchy and misogyny. But, as most of us are aware by now, patriarchy has deep-rooted harmful effects on men too. I can't claim to be anywhere near an expert but I would love to see it explored deeper with Eddie given that a lot of his story has also revolved around him deconstructing other aspects of toxic masculinity and hypermasculinity.

Like does Eddie really enjoy going out with Marisol? Or does he like the freeing feeling of being able to cuddle up with a woman in public and know that no one is judging?

There's a lot of academic theory that goes into compulsory heterosexuality but if you look at the "Am I a Lesbian? Masterdoc" and apply everything there to Eddie, it's almost point for point him.

Some examples:

[brackets] are me turning "men" to "women" from the original text for clarity

Deciding which [women] to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to –based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities.

I like the idea of being with a [woman], but any time a [woman] makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable.

I do not like the reality of being with [women], only the idea of being with [women].

I like the idea of marrying a [woman]/being in a relationship with a [woman], but I can always pick out a reason to not want to date any [woman] that is interested in me or any [woman] suggested to me

You view relationships with [women] as a chore, burden, or just something you must deal with.

Picking a [girl] at random to be attracted to

Choosing to be attracted to a [girl] at all, not just choosing to act on it but flipping your attraction on like a switch

the [girls] I like are always hyper [feminine] [girl's girls] who embody everything about [womanliness].

Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional [women] or [girls] you never or rarely interact with.

Reading your anxiety/discomfort/nervousness/combativeness around [women] as attraction to them. Confusing your anxiety around [women] for “butterflies” or being flustered.

Dreading what feels like an inevitable domestic future with a [woman]

You have every reason to be happy in your relationship with a [woman], but you just aren’t / everything is going really well, but something is missing and you can’t figure out what

Thinking you’re commitmentphobic because no relationship, no matter how great the [girl], feels quite right and you drag your feet when it comes time to escalate it

Going along with escalation because it seems like the ‘appropriate time’ or bc the [girl] wants it so bad, even if you personally aren’t quite ready to say I love you or have labels or move in together etc.

Or jumping ahead and trying to rush to the ‘comfortably settled’ part of relationships with [girls], trying to make a relationship a done deal without investing time into emotional closeness

Your relationships with [women] are devoid of passion.

Feeling like you have to have relationships with [women] and/or let them get serious in order to prove something, maybe something nebulous you can’t identify

Getting a [girl]friend mostly so other people know you have a [girl]friend and not really being interested in [her] romantically/sexually

Wishing your [girl]friend was more like your [male] friends

Worrying that you’re broken inside and unable to really love anyone

Having had people think you were gay when you had no suspicion you were gay

That got longer than I intended but I wanted it here anyway because it just proves (at least to me) that this is the story they're doing with Eddie. The only ones I didn't include were the parts about sex because other than Shannon we actually haven't seen how Eddie reacts in sexual moments with women.

As for the bachelor party/wedding, I do think a lot is going to happen there, and likely a lot of Buddie clues, big and small, but I still don't think anything physically intimate (kiss, hookup, etc) is going to happen. The only exception might be hand-holding, a hug or like a slow dance. Those I could see being plausible.

[queer-reader-07]

op could you elaborate on the she/her muriel thing. because i totally get what you mean but i find it so hard to articulate why... its just like. mmmmm. canon they/them character. but you wont respect their prns. but then again i enjoy when people get genderwierd w the ineffable spouses. would you respect my prns if you cant even respect a fictional character. is that the same thing. idk.

hi anon! i'll try best to elaborate, but apologies in advance if it comes off a bit... intense?

to give some context to my words:

i am nonbinary

i am afab

my pronouns are they/them

most everyone with the exception of close friends and people on the internet misgender me with she/her pronouns because they perceive me as a woman.

i think the root of it for me is that muriel has no experience interacting with earth, let alone humans, before they're sent down to be Inspector Constable. and because they have no experience with humans, they most definitely have very little context for the human construct that is gender. muriel's pronouns are they/them because those are the default gender neutral pronouns in english. muriel (like the other angels and demons) is referred to with they/them pronouns because, for all intents and purposes, they don't have gender.

whereas aziraphale and crowley (and even gabriel to a certain extent) have interfaced with humanity enough to have developed some level of understanding regarding gender, and possibly even an understanding of what they want their gender to be/be perceived as.

additionally, crowley and aziraphale play with gender in a way that feels very intentional to me.

crowley has canonically, in the show, presented femme. meta writers far more skilled than me have examined how, during the crucifixion scene, crowley is very obviously dressed more like the women in the background than the men. and it's not just in the historical flashbacks that we see crowley's genderfuckery. his modern look is comprised of a combination of femme and masc pieces. he wears a woman's cut waistcoat and his "11 years ago" look features women's sunglasses. all while inhabiting a decidedly man-shaped body.

i'm also just going to remind the audience that crowley outright denies being "a lad" in season 2. he straight up told us he's not A Dude.

aziraphale's genderfuckery is definitely less obvious and some might say debatable. that being said, i would make the argument that aziraphale's tendency to dress and present in a way that results in him being almost universally perceived as not only A Gay Man, but an effeminate gay man at that, is a quintessential example of gender as performance. and i do believe that aziraphale is making a very conscious and deliberate choice to present as a gay man. for fuck's sake he calls himself THE Southern Pansy, he knows what he's doing.

also, i know it didn't actually happen, but we almost got both of them presenting femme in the 60s so like. there's that too.

so, to me, it's ok to fuck around with crowley and aziraphale's genders in fanfic and art and the like because they do so canonically. the book makes it very clear that they are "man-shaped" but not necessarily men, ie they have chosen bodies that are perceived as being A Gender but that doesn't mean they technically are.

whereas muriel does not. muriel doesn't have a concept of gender because they haven't been on earth or around humans long enough to develop one. they are only ever referred to with gender neutral language. so it just feels really gross to me when people choose to she/her them. because to me it feels like saying "well this body that appears woman-shaped to me must mean they are a woman" which is a sentiment i, unfortunately, know all too well.

muriel is a character that is canonically referred to with they/them pronouns, on a major TV show on a major streaming platform no less. so it really fucking sucks to see people disregard that because they "can't remember to they/them muriel" or because they "seem like they use she/her."

to put it bluntly, every single argument i've ever read in favor of she/her-ing muriel has boiled down to "i just can't be bothered to remember they use they/them" and if you can't use a fictional characters pronouns correctly then i have zero faith you can use a real person's pronouns correctly. all i hear when i read those arguments is "i can't be fucked to do the bare minimum of gendering trans people correctly."

and lastly, i know it's genderfuckery when people she/her aziraphale and crowley because they're "man shaped" in the book and played by male actors in the show. but i don't have much faith that it's genderfuckery when people she/her muriel because i can almost guarentee it happens for no other reason than the fact that Quelin Sepulveda is a woman.

[genderkoolaid]

An upcoming main cast character in a story I'm working on is a multigender boygirl, and I'd really like to (as with all my writing) make sure my characterisations and writing reflect and represent real experiences as much as possible. I've also started asking other multigender folks so I can get an even better pulse on it than just my own experiences and knowledge, so - the question.

What sort of internal experiences would you like to see expressed in the writing of multigender characters, especially boygirls?

Thank you so much for asking!!!

Some general things I'd enjoy seeingI

In general, I'd love to see the different ways people conceive of their genders. There are so many labels, now and and throughout time- I like boygirl, but also manwoman and androgyne. Some people used to use "bisexual" as a description of gender. And multigender people often have such diverse ways of seeing their genders & the way their genders interact. If one of someone's genders technically aligns with their AGAB, some might feel partially cis and some might see that gender as equally trans. I think it would be lovely to see multigender characters who are really deep and complex and feel like a full person, and also have their genders considered a meaningful part of them.

Multigender sexuality, if it makes sense to incorporate it into the story. It's something that gets very heavily policed (and I personally have had to deal with the trauma of having mine policed) and I'd love to see some represention of what it's like to have multiple sexualities/labels. There's also the complicated topic of relationships, and how multigender people interact with those. There's concerns of your partner/s being comfortable with your genders, and being respectful of them. A couple people on that other post made the good point that multigender people aren't depicted as desirable partners. At least some of us worry if we could ever be desirable, because we fear our multigenderedness makes us too complicated and strange for people to actually consider as partners. & on a less sad note, there's also how different people describe their relationships; spouse? wifesband? boygirlfriend?

Atypical medical transitions! There's still not enough awareness of how genderqueer transitions can look. I, personally, would enjoy seeing a character who is also multigender and salmacian, (although salmacians can be any gender), especially because it's so rarely heard of by people outside of porn. But you could also use stuff like different ways of doing HRT, like SERMs & other stuff (can't be fucked to find links rn but if anyone wants to add atypical HRT methods go ahead)

The daily ins-and-outs of presentation, pronouns, and names. I'm someone who changes their presentation pretty regularly, who sometimes prefers different pronouns, and generally prefers different names based on the dominant gender/s of that day. I also tend to crossdress; I dress much more femme when I'm a man and much more butch when I'm a woman, although I always stay androgynous. Some people may be gender conforming for one or all of their genders, some people may not vary their presentation at all!

Related to above: the struggle of everyday binarism. you are surrounded, especially as androgynes, by the forced choice between genders, especially male and female (just by virtues of those being the most discussed and compared). People expect you to be able to fall in one, OR maybe to fall in male, female, or neutral- but ime people generally don't think about you falling in multiple. It's an issue on things like forms that ask you to choose just one gender, or using bathrooms. It can be daunting to speak up about your experience as any gender, both because it might cause people to view you exclusively as that gender, and because you worry people will discount your experiences because you are multigender. People often don't think of us as fully any of our genders, in comparison to monogender people. You may not want to include discrimination in your story, but if you choose to I would enjoy it because I'm the kind of person who prefers stories that tackle those issues to ones where they don't exist.

Shapeshifting. I feel like it's a near universal genderfluid desire. Absolute ideal body situation tbh

If you have any other questions about multigender characters I'd be happy to answer them :)

[windwardstar]

So like the whole "they don't put any effort into presenting not-femme and are still femme presenting so I'm just going to treat them as a woman still and not take their identity seriously" has always just been an excuse to misgender people and dismiss the trans identities of people who don't perform gender to the person's standards.

And it's always couched in terms of "not bothering" to bind or dress masculinely or have long hair or continue to wear makeup and who "aren't able" to access hrt or surgeries or whatever. Because it gives the person plausible deniability to say "I'm not talking about those trans people who are really trans and just can't meet my new gender performing standards for legitimate reasons, I'm talking about those fake trans who just say they're trans but don't actually put in any effort"

And like. You have no way of knowing who is in the closet and unable to transition for safety, who is not able to access resources for medical transition, who is comfortable with their current appearance and has no desire to pursue surgeries or hrt or change anything about themselves as part of their transition. There is no way of knowing just from looking at someone whether or not they meet your criteria in order to take their identity seriously.

And also like. The further I get in my transition and the more things I'm able to access the more it's like... I've had top surgery. I'm on T. I've had short hair. I've dressed in men's clothes. And I've been gendered as female 100% of the time throughout everything. Because despite all that my face still reads as feminine and my voice despite dropping still reads as feminine. My hair is currently in a femme style. And I don't care to change those things because with all the other ways I've been able to transition I'm comfortable in my body and they don't cause me dysphoria. But they're enough to make me "present femme" in a way that doesn't make cis people pause before assuming I'm a woman, and any of the ways I have been able to masculinize my body get registered and then dismissed as things I've actively cultivated and instead get me read as transfemme by other trans people. Because apparently in order to not assumed to be a girl I have to remove every trace of anything feminine from my existence.

And then it's also like. The expectation of performing non-femininity of performing masculinity or degendering androgyny to the appropriate standards in order to have your identity respected is just like. If you're just existing in your body, just throwing on jeans and a t shirt and letting yourself exist as is, is like how is that presenting "femininely"??? just because you're afab and existing is not inherently "presenting feminine". And like when you couple that with not binding...which uh it can be choice but also like... binding is the active choice here where you have to get a binder and put on the binder and choose to use the binder. Again there's no way of looking at someone and being able to tell if they're not binding because they can't due to medical or financial or safety reasons or just due to personal choice. And so the idea that not binding is presenting as inherently feminine is just. Not binding is the default existence of the body and shouldn't be gendered as a presentation choice + nobody should be required to change anything about themselves in order to have their identity respected.

...anyway I have a bunch of thoughts about existing as a trans masc enby and being read as feminine and being misgendered. Hope some of the train of thought ramble vent rant made sense.

[autistichalsin]

The Halsin vs Minthara thing is supposed to be hard to choose for players, assuming that Minthara didn't raze the grove for a conversation that's not apart of canon at present. Minthara is getting babygirl'd because she's a well developed depiction of evil and evil people can get abused. On top of that, we have the canon racism and lore that Drow have been saddled with since the near start of the setting. A lot of newer fans are also reacting to that as it's depicted in game, not knowing a lot of lore on drow that 'justifies' that racism. (Flat out, this racism shouldn't exist in the first place to justify, but here we are.)

Putting the grove not happening aside, people have been hurt and abused by her. A victim of abuse can also abuse. For Halsin, this isn't just something that happened over a century ago. He was captured, saw people die, and he was tortured less than a month ago. This isn't a person radicalized through propaganda, this is a person reacting to being captured and tortured by an individual.

Despite it being a fantasy setting, this game is clear that abuse should be treated seriously - notably with men. It gets fuzzy when both people are abused. And this choice is supposed to be hard for the player. I adore Halsin but if I was in that place l, I'd pick Minthara - she needs my help more. Of the two post ultimatum, Halsin is likely the safer one of the two of you saved Thaniel. He also reacts gracefully with the choice. And I don't blame him.

I hate doing the 'lets switch genders' thing, but everyone would understand if a femme presenting person doesn't want to travel with a former masc abuser and there needs to be a choice between them. Yes, I'm aware of the mind control, but that's the kicker - what happens if that control is placed on the abuser again?

It's happened to him twice. He doesn't want it a third time.

A reasonable and nuanced take? In THIS fandom?

I especially want to highlight the last part of your ask. Halsin has no reason to think Minthara won't try to harm him. She has given him no indication that she's trustworthy now. "I fight the Absolute now" is not going to cut it. She could try expressing that what happened to him was wrong and she's sorry for it, but she very deliberately doesn't because she does not care about anyone but herself. And it ISN'T hard to convince Halsin you're a good person. All she would have to do is give show him that he won't be murdered in his bed that night, and he'd allow it. It's because of her own selfishness and inability to care about his suffering that he's convinced she'll do it again the instant she gets a chance. And that's why he says he can't be there. It hardly even qualifies as an ultimatum as much as it does a stating of boundaries of where he will and won't stay.

If Halsin was the one in Minthara's shoes and Minthara in Halsin's, no one would begrudge Minthara the right to a campsite free of someone she has every reason to think wants to murder her. It would not be a discussion.

[bloomdigital]

#DevBlog: Bringing gender/sexuality into the conversation (with variables!)

A good piece of critique should haunt you. When someone (respectfully) points out a valid flaw or possible improvement, it sticks in your brain.

I don’t remember exactly when, but a player pointed out (respectfully) that they loved the relationship story with Marcel but found it weird that cagey, PDA-hating, UAE-born Marcel didn’t even comment on the fact that he fell for another boy in their playthrough. That’s not to say the Emirates exports raging homophobes… but there are certainly human rights infringements and cultural baggage.

As a queer storyteller, there’s the temptation to just let that be. Lots of us deal with enough homophobia/transphobia in real life, it’s nice to exist in a world where we’re not facing off with it in every conversation. There’s the other option, “playersexual”, where you can romance characters regardless of the player character’s gender. I actual really like the “playersexual” option, there’s nothing as frustrating as getting into a romanceable character only for the romance route in front of you to slam shut…

[cough cough] Cullen in DAI or River Ward in Cyberpunk 2077… [cough cough]

But human relationships are complex. Even if a person dates people regardless of their gender, presentation and sexuality, how they interact in a relationship may change depending on their partner(s)’s identity. Even beyond romantic relationships, an enby person dealing with shopping for clothes might have a different experience than a cisgender woman, who would have a different experience than a cisgender man. You get the idea.

So haunted by the Marcel-dating-a-boy observation, I wanted to see how we could play around with that in LongStory 2.

Ladies, gentlemen, enby cuties and cryptids, I present: var_presentation and var_pronouns

Quick explainer: In game design terms, a variable is a condition, choice or quantity captured and stored by the game you’re playing. The classic variable you’ll see is the binary True or False, but things like whichever trash baby you’ve declared your undying love to in Baldur’s Gate 3, or how many dragon bones you have in Roadwarden, or which Wonders you’ve built in Civilization… uh, whatever one they’re on right now… are variables the game might check later to give you different options or outcomes.

Variables can also be strung together into combos, usually using “and” and “or” statements. You’ve done “this” or “that,” you’ve unlocked “this” and “that other thing” and “this other thing” too.

Our new variables are set while creating your character in LS2’s yearbook. var_presentation’s conditions are “masc” and “femme”, while var_pronouns’ are “They”, “He” and “She”. Without boiling things down to something gender essentialist, we can make some assumptions about characters that hopefully aren’t too jarring in terms of game logic. Someone who is var_pronouns “He” probably identifies as a boy to some degree, “She” will probably identify as a girl, while someone who chooses “They” pronouns probably identifies as non-binary in some way, no matter what their presentation is. This gets even more fun when you use other combinations. How might a character who uses “She” pronouns but chooses “masc” presentation interact with the world, and vice versa?

We’re not interested in you walking into every single conversation and having the character go “HELLO YOU USE ‘HE’ PRONOUNS AND ‘MASC’ PRESENTATION, THEREFORE YOU ARE A BOY.” But it does give us a little more complexity to play with. So back to Marcel.

Let’s take a look at what’s going on here, game logic-wise. If you’re dating Marcel, you come to this dialogue branch. The game asks what pronoun you use: “He”. If you use something other than “He”, it elses you to the next section.

When I first wrote this scene I had it much more rigidly structured. To get this section of dialogue you had to be “He” AND “masc”—otherwise you would’ve gotten elsed—but I realized that was dumb. Boys can wear frickin’ skirts. So I cut the var_presentation check, but added in a little flourish if “His” presentation is “femme.”

Again, that’s not to say Marcel can’t be queer in some way if he’s dating a girl, or a non-binary person—actually, come to think of it, adding in some enby dialogue here would be really fun too… But by the game’s logic (and the principles of heterosexism!) Marcel went away to Dubai and didn’t really have to think about what it meant to date a girl. He has enough on his plate already.

We use these variables in other places too—a non-binary character gets some enby recognition from enby superstar Em, or the additional tension of back to school clothes shopping with your mom. Again, our goal with this isn’t to make gender and sexuality something rigid and prescribed. We just want to give our players the chance to explore a range of relationships, identities and stories!

BECOME A BACKER BY PREORDERING LONGSTORY 2 NOW!

[pqrachel]

Fucking Amazing Game Alert

So Goodbye Volcano High just came out today, and I played it all in one sitting. (6.9 hours, nice) And like holy fucking god. It was so good. I mean it was buggy in places and some of the minigames weren't fully polished but whatever. The storyline, and the characters, and the music, and the story!!

Heads up. Minor spoilers but I wanna talk about it so here I go. HUGE REVIEW / INFODUMP BELOW (There's also a bunch of screenshots from my playthrough mostly of the last couple episodes.)

Fang's VA sounded like Chloe from Before the Storm (not Ashly Burch but Rhianna DeVries) and it was so cool, and speaking of Life is Strange, there's so much Life is Strange vibes throughout the whole thing. Apocalypse, queer teens, great music!

Oh my gosh great music! The music minigame didn't work 100% but when they did it felt so great and I loved all of the songs actually all of them.

The main cast was great Fang was relatable and flawed and well written. And I loved them so much. Trish was an amazing backup to Fang and drove the story so well. Reed was amazing especially as GM, and his L&L character Sydd was hot as fuck. Sage and Stella were great and reminded me so much of my friends @hearthurian and @spookyscarynik it was amazing. While not everything matched up them, Sage being a femme presenting trans boy was handled well and remind a lot of Arthur. Especially him talking about horoscopes and being so invested in Stella but still being so strong on his own, and Stella crushing on fictional characters was so Nik lol. And they just kept being so great as a duo even if they weren't dating in game. I ship it. Rosa was nice but I definitely missed some scenes with her and after seeing the name of the achievement "Surprise Friendship" I do wish I knew what her story was like. Naser was so fun, was a well written older brother character, and did great in the L&L session.

And Naomi. <3 Lovely Naomi, her reveal as the secret admirer was done so well. Like even though I was thinking maybe it was her the reveal that I was right in the end of the 3 episode had me screaming, I loved it so much!!! And their short time together was great and I really want the best for them even if their world's story is almost definitely ended.

The game aspect of it wasn't great, like honestly this could have been a short miniseries kind of thing, like Looking for Alaska and it could have been so much better. Because as medium all the game aspect let me do was play along to the music (which I did like though), and miss some scenes because I didn't choose the right dialogue options. I guess there were the unlockable flashback but those could have been added as like little cut between episodes or commercials. (Maybe like the Sk8 the Infinity stingers idk) I did like getting multiple dialogue options but if choosing ones that felt right to me means missing out on scenes, it's not worth it. Like I really wanna see all the story has to offer and it's a shame I couldn't see the full story just because they wanted the story choices to feel important. According to the achievements I missed scenes with Rosa, Stella, Trish, and Reed.

Rosa's story felt the most lacking. Stella's story felt fine as a side character but maybe I just don't know what I'm missing. I kept wanted to see more of Reed's story but it never happened. Trish's story felt whole as I got it but apparently I still missed something, possibly connected to Rosa's story but maybe it was just more with her. Maybe I'll go back if there's a guide on which dialogue options result in getting to see every scene in the last act (the achievements say it's possible to get all of them in one playthrough), but that depends on how restrictive it is and how much that would take me out of the game. I might do it like how I did the Life is Strange Ultimate playthrough a few years ago, where I looked at the wiki to get every scene I wanted. Cuz yeah I could just play the game over and over again but seeing a story like this over and over again can make it lose its magic. I know the last time I played Life is Strange definitely wasn't anywhere near as impactful as it was the first couple of times I played it. I couldn't even finish True Colors on my second attempt going for 100% because it just felt like I wasn't in the story like I was the first time I played it, and I don't want this game to be the same. It deserves better, so I'm just gonna leave it at one playthrough for a while and MAYBE I'll come back to it at some point.

And now for the storyline. Holy feels dude. So much worm drama! The story is so deep and emotional and tackled a bunch of rough issues really well, all with an amazing friend group. Dealing with the apocalypse felt so real after the pandemic, and that brought a lot of emotions back up which felt almost nice? now that I'm in a better place and have had to sit with them. And having dealt with my dad's death last year, some of the family scenes did hit me more than I was expecting even if I wasn't too close with him or my family. Fang being non-binary was handled so well and all the scenes with their parents deadnaming and misgendering them also hit me really hard, Naser was being supportive the whole time and that meant a lot. And even though the scene at the end with Fang's parents correctly calling them Fang and them saying they love you back felt a little undeserved, it's the end of the world and there's some love there even if they don't fully understand Fang. Which doesn't always happen with trans people and their parents so I guess I'm happy for them if their happy.

The Battle of the Bands plot was fun, after reading Steph's story (the Life is Strange book) [SPOILERS FOR THAT], I wasn't actually expecting Worm Drama to win. But I guess even more amazingly they did and it didn't matter; and they had to find their own meaning in their music and with their friends. And they did, and it was great.

The dino characters were great. It was like lowkey furry energy (I mean that in a good way) but it wasn't just thrown it. They thought about it the emojis faces and hands were dinos. All the character's clothing made sense with their dino features. (I loved Fang's horn choker thingy.) It just brought me into the world way more than took me out of it.

[scribeofpnakotis]

Izzy Hands & Dean Winchester- The Only Retirement We Get Is Death

Yeah that’s right, I’m finally doing it. First of all, I do want to make it clear that this is heavily reliant on @autisticandroids SPN meta, as I point blank refuse to subject myself to rewatching Supernatural for what is honestly MOSTLY an OFMD post.

Secondly, the customary disclosing of personal biases. I fucking hate Izzy Hands. He is an extremely effective rom-com villain and a fantastic example of character writing/top-notch acting, but as a character I despise him. As far as I’m concerned that ‘x’ tattoo is a target for my fist. I also Do Not Like canon Dean (fanon Dean is a different guy at this point & we will not be discussing him in this post). I was a Sam Girl back in the day, and although I am no longer a) a girl or b) attracted to men, my allegiance remains.

Now, to the meat of the issue.

I’ll start with the point that initially struck me with these two characters, which is specifically Izzy’s line in episode 4 “the only retirement we get is… death.” Now I can’t recall if it’s word-for-word (as I said, I’m not rewatching SPN for this) but this is absolutely a sentiment that Dean has expressed at least once with regards to being a hunter, and I’d go as far as to say it’s almost a thesis statement for the show overall. Like the writers do seem to enjoy repeatedly driving it home for the characters and audience that there is no escape from the lifestyle. Mary tries to leave & dies. Sam tries to leave, dead girlfriend. Dean tries to leave, SUCKS at it & Lisa&Ben lose their memories of him and are never mentioned again.

Now, this is handled very differently in OFMD. There are a few reasons for this (it’s a romcom, not a very gory genre soap to begin with) but I think the core of it is that the shows have almost diametrically opposed views of traditional masculinity. Supernatural is ultimately very fatalistic, and is also presenting its take on masculinity as represented by the hunter lifestyle as something aspirational. “This is who you are.” It says. “This is how things will go for you, you don’t have a choice in the matter.” OFMD is saying “That’s dumb actually. People should get to choose how they live, how they love & how they express themselves.” (it’s very queer philosophically & I love it). So when Izzy says ‘The only retirement we get is death’ he is presented pretty explicitly as being wrong. Ed can totally retire if he wants to. He should get to take his soft frilly BF to a secluded tropical island and live out the rest of their days in adorable romantic bliss. Izzy is being a dickhead by attempting to deny him that.

This brings us to my second point, which is that structurally, within the context of their shows, both Izzy and Dean are, at least partially, actively preventing another character from escaping a life in which they feel trapped. For both of them, this takes the form of a lot of policing that character’s expression of their masculinity. Like this sort of goes away to an extent in later seasons of SPN, but early show Sam was uh. Pretty fucking femme for 2005, let’s put it that way. A lot of the humour/interpersonal bitching in early seasons is based on Sam wanting to have nicer things, or eat healthier food (burger/salad dichotomy) or just generally act in a way that Dean very obviously is trying not to call him slurs about. It’s easy to miss because the shows are framed differently, but this is the exact dynamic Izzy has with Ed. Ed is not that femme tbh but the way Izzy reacts to him wanting to wear nicer clothes/go to flash parties/make out with a fancy man is very similar to like S1 Dean getting this close to calling Sam a f*g.

(join me in a moment of silence to mourn the loss of AU supernatural where Sam is explicitly queer in the show)

The thing is, again, Izzy is explicitly shown to be in the wrong for acting like this. He’s literally the romcom villain. Ed is right for wanting to escape the toxically masculine world of traditional piracy. Whereas in SPN, because the show frames the hunter lifestyle as aspirational (it’s the american dream! Road trips! Credit card fraud!) we’re… kind of set up to agree with Dean? Like it is portrayed as a tragedy when Sam’s girlfriend of the week gets fridged, but ultimately, the narrative supports Dean’s position that it’s ‘once a hunter, always a hunter’. There is literally no escape, and you should stop trying before you get more people hurt or killed. 

Also on the topic of characters reading pretty damn queer. Both of these sad fictional men are deeply, deeply repressed about their sexualities. Like they’re so far in the closet they’re having adventures together in Narnia. This is explicit and canonical with Izzy- he’s in love with Ed. A good portion of his hatred for Stede is actually jealousy (whether or not he can admit that to himself). He fully cried a bit when he thought they were fucking in episode 6. I don’t think this is news to anyone in the fandom.

Dean is… a little more complicated, let’s say. I don’t think it’s controversial to say he’s canonically straight, at least in terms of what the writers actually seemed to intend regarding his character. However um. Look. I don’t ship wincest. I never shipped wincest. Honestly the whole concept squicks me the hell out. But I think we have to accept that the ship was huge for a reason, and only part of that was people having incest fetishes. There’s also the matter of that siren turning into a ‘replacement little brother’ that one time, and of course I would be remiss to ignore the issue of Destiel. (eleven fucking seasons of queerbaiting holy shit how did we live like that?)

Izzy and Dean also both respond to their own queerness in very similar ways- namely by retreating into very strictly defined, pre-existing roles so that they don’t have to think about all the ways in which they don’t fit in. For Izzy, this takes the form of his slavish devotion to the concept of being a ‘real pirate’ (read: real man). ‘Real pirates’ in his book, take pleasure only in violence and conquest, they might fuck but they never love, and they certainly don’t talk about their feelings. This then spills over into his dynamic with Ed- the ‘devoted first mate/captain’ thing they have going on is as close as he can allow himself to get to an actual relationship, so when Ed starts flirting like a normal person with someone else, it turns his whole world on its head.

Similarly, Dean has devoted himself to doing the ‘red-blooded american man’ thing, almost to his own detriment. He’s convinced himself that he just isn’t meant for any kind of stability or long-term happiness and self-sabotages every time he feels like he might be getting close. By the time the show ended, he was, God, I think in his fifties? And still pretty much only had drunken one-night stands with disposable extras. Like, even ignoring his whole thing with Castiel, he’d entirely given up on the idea of a long-term relationship with a woman (the only kind he’d be ‘allowed’ under the white-picket-fence, nuclear family ideal he freaking lionizes), if he ever seriously entertained it at all.

So, I think the main reason this comparison stands up is that Supernatural and OFMD are both, textually, using a particular fictionalized lifestyle as a metaphor for a particular style of masculinity. In SPN, hunting is representative of a very, uh, stylized form of american manhood, one centred around the concepts of personal freedom and extreme self-reliance. Violence is also absolutely central to this style of masculinity.

In OFMD, piracy actually represents a lot of things. For Stede, it’s freedom from heteronormativity. For Ed, it’s a chain tying him to a version of himself he’s desperate to escape. For Izzy, saliently to my point here, piracy is representative of the particular form of masculinity by which he judges himself and others. It’s about the intersection of violence and freedom, and being strong enough to never really need another person. The tragedy of which is, of course, that you can then never really want another person.

I think, to bring this home, that Izzy would thrive in the violent, emotionally constipated world of Supernatural. I think, conversely that Dean would absolutely fucking hate it in queer pirate rom-com land.

If anyone writes a crossover fic I will read the hell out of it.

[fan-mans]

I haven't find any Heike HC's, can I ask you for some?

I was only planning on doing wii boxers, but I'll break my little rule for you :P

Ballet bby let's go!!

Heike dyes their hair grey only cause it looks cool. Previously, they've had lavender and baby pink hair too.

Like I mentioned in my music post about the super punch out crew, he has a deeper voice- probably on the higher side of baritone. He's not the biggest fan of it and wishes he sounded more androgynous.

Speaking of- though they present very femme, if they had to choose how to label themself in english they'd say non-binary. He likes the term bishonen to describe himself but it doesn't quite fit. No word they've searched for has fit really so Heike has been avoiding labels for their gender for the most part.

He's gotten some serious flak from the press and other boxing associations about his gender and whether or not he should be in the 'male' sector of the wvba (Even though the wvba doesn't actually divide between genders for fights specifically because of trans fighters like Heike)

Everyone is staunchly supportive of Heike though! From the janitors cleaning the locker rooms to head of the wvba Mr. Dream himself- the only people who don't are also openly transphobic... so

He uses he/they pronouns in english- They don't like being restricted to masculine pronouns and certainly not feminine ones. However, he does like feminine honorifics like Ma'am and Ms. over Mr. or Sir.

Has been a performer their entire life. His mom was a geisha and both parents did kabuki themselves. They were heavily expected to follow their parents footsteps as performers but dropped it the minute they tried boxing. His parents are still a bit heartbroken, but accept his choice.

Heike, like mac and peter, entered the wvba at 17. He'd been boxing for a little bit before then but only caught attention when he started doing tricks in the ring.

They've only used a very slight amount of teleportation magic in the ring, the rest of their skill lies in fancy footwork and hair tricks.

He's a bit of a prankster with the seattle Aran Ryan and Masked muscle.

They have a HUGE crush on Dragon Chan and are just head over heels for him. Hoy, Narcis, and Hurricane know this and tease him relentlessly.

Definitely a person who combines weird food, like fries in milkshakes or ketchup on mac n cheese.

Loves house and EDM music and makes some themself in their free time.

Has a youtube and a tiktok channel for his music, he also does nail and makeup tutorials as well as vlogging about being a dancer/kabuki performer.

Outside of boxing he does ballet and theater projects. They frequent the coffee shop Dragon works at just to hang and flirt with him.

Takes care of their hair like it's a baby- except they're very open with people touching it (As long as they wash their hands first)

Their closet is exclusively pink, purple, and blue - with a handful of grey and white for balance.

Does a lot of dumbass things- intentionally cause they think it's so fucking funny.

[house-of-mirrors]

I’ve finished the long awaited bio post for the third of my player characters, Miles! I’ve mentioned them before, my horrible son, spaghetti noodle of a human being, character with which I make evil choices to see text. You may send a calling card to The Remorseful Apprentice, or you may find the old profile of The Avid Occultist. Here is the Picrew link

Why do I have two versions of the same character? Short answer, I missed them too much after knocking so here we are.

Quick facts:

·      Miles symbolizes the corruption of high society in the Victorian Era. They were born into a wealthy family and grew up with entitlement and imperialistic views in what I’ve heard my grandfather call “the age of arrogance.” The world is theirs, and it’s their right to have whatever they want. Given the choice between pursuit of power and anything else, they will always choose power. External corruption with the red science and seeking reflects internal and generational corruption.

·      “No shame, no spine, no self-awareness”

·      If asked to choose a gender option on a form, they would circle all of them. They’re not too particular with pronouns and sometimes use he/him, but I most often use they/them for Miles. Distinctly a femme presentation. Miles and Orsinio are mtf/ftm hostility.

·      They are somewhere on the autism spectrum; it manifests as touch aversion and a difficulty in making real friends despite being a social butterfly. Touch aversion somewhat plays into them being aromantic, but they genuinely have no interest in it. Miles gets the badge of being my one allosexual OC.

·      Miles greatly struggles with mental health, much of which comes from family trauma, and being in the Neath makes that a ticking time bomb. If they had therapy and antidepressants, the whole tragedy could have been averted. TW ahead for darker discussion of mental illness, SMEN typical self-harm.

Now, I can’t explain why Miles is a villain without explaining how their actions affect the rest of the plot, so this “bio” is more of a whole summary of a narrative arc. Under the cut became more or less a mini fic, so FYI that it is longer than usual for my character posts. Also includes some mentions of my friend's characters. For someone who complains about SMEN so much, I sure did base a significant chunk of my OC stories around it, didn’t I? Tragic. (The themes of temptation lured me in, and when I realized how much I didn’t like it, I was already too committed to the story, alas.)

You may wonder as you read, “Hey, why does Miles’ story include so much about Orsinio?” Well, Miles thinks they’re a main character, but they’re actually a side character. You may also wonder, how does having two versions of the same character with wildly conflicting ambitions work in the timeline? No single thing shall be a single thing. Major spoilers ahead for SMEN (including vague detail about the hate ending) and the discordance, as well as all ambitions.

Early Story

·      The Lovelace family made its fortune in the textiles industry. Incredibly dysfunctional with the detached parenting typical of the time within the leisure class. Neither of their parents is great, but Miles mostly has daddy issues:tm:. There are also large age gaps between the children; Miles is the second youngest and only close to their younger sister, Marguerite

·      Negative attention is still attention which leads to Miles getting involved in multiple scandals. It also isn’t a good look for Miles to not yet be married or engaged, which they’re really uncomfortable with, being aromantic. The final straw is a gambling debt, after which their father, Julian, disowns them until they make something respectable of themself

·      Miles has heard rumors about the Neath and decides to go to try to make their fortune. Before leaving, Marguerite gives them her necklace and asks them to be safe for her

·      Soon after arriving, Miles learns about the Marvellous. They need a path to attain their own fortune and power, and this is a promised road to rising the ranks. They say they’re doing this to prove themself, but really, they’re only throwing themself into their vices. I follow the interpretation that Heart’s Desire is a metaphor for addiction.

·      At a bohemian event, Miles meets a Professor. Orsinio tries to be mentoring to a new arrival, but Miles is prickly and pro-monarchy and they part bitterly, though Miles does become close to their mutual friend, Elliot

Seven is the Number

·      As Miles progresses through the Marvellous, they begin to hear a voice in their head telling them they can have much more power than the Masters can offer. The voice comes with troubling dreams and lapses in memory. When they wake up covered in blood in the bushes outside a salon, Elliot tells them to talk to Orsinio

·      Orsinio isn’t too happy to see them, but is very willing to help. He was at Avid Horizon during Nemesis and knows what it’s like to feel that pull. (He claims he no longer feels it.) Miles is briefly his student in the lab and generally is very poor at it, refusing to listen and not doing much of anything. Eventually, they leave when they realize they can’t gain anything they want here. Orsinio is irked and genuinely wanted to help, but he can’t force anyone to do anything.

·      Miles’ condition continues to worsen, plagued by compulsions to eat strange things and nightmares of knives and drowning. They wonder, can you really get hurt in a dream, and can it scar in real life? They are genuinely scared, but they’ve never learned how to ask for help. They confide their worries in a letter to Elliot on a drunk evening, at their wit’s end with exhaustion.

·      Their own family didn’t want them, but this voice does. They feel like it’s wrong to accept the voice, and they’ve been told not to by their friends, but if they give into it, they can finally sleep.

·      No one hears from Miles for some time after this. They go off the grid with weeping scars, memories of chains, and stains on the soul. One could make the argument that Miles, the real Miles, is dead after the first time they stab themself (second weeping scar). I as the player was not invested in SMEN and therefore Miles wasn’t either; it functions primarily as a MacGuffin.

·      The person who returns to society is very much not like Miles used to be. This person is even more charismatic and does much more physical contact, compelling enough to entrap people for St Arthur’s Candle. They adopt a seemingly carefree attitude, why worry when all shall be well?

·      Miles becomes a silverer, inspired by interpreting their strange dreams and promised power from the fingerkings. They use these dream interpretations to amass a small cult following of fellow seekers.

Miles, you could have just Asked him to Dinner

·      At a working lunch with an affectionate devil, Orsinio is told what Miles did to their soul. He rushes home to pen an urgent warning to his friends, but finds Miles inside, waiting for him in his study chair. Miles speaks highly of his work, apologizing for not appreciating it properly when they were a student. They come interested in his unpublished work. He’s one of the few who has seen the Avid Horizon. Won’t he tell them more? Orsinio firmly denies Miles, but they leave with the self-confidence this isn’t the end of it. Once they’re gone, he walks outside right back to the affectionate devil and makes a deal for his soul. If he doesn’t have it, he can’t give into temptation to seek. Orsinio has finished railway at this point and tried to convince himself he was okay, that he was past this, but he isn’t.

·      Miles progresses through candles B through E without much fanfare. At the Carnival at Midnight, they claim to be seeking for love, a love they never got from their family, or a love for their enemy, the Professor.

Poor Choices are Made in HD

·      The end of the Marvellous rolls around. Miles makes as many scummy decisions as possible, choosing not to help the topsy king, condemning the cardsharp monkey, though they do hesitate, just for a moment, with Beechwood’s chance. They say they’re playing the Marvellous for themself, but they know deep down they’re still having feelings about their father. This is a chance to give all of that up, make a new life for themself, heal from past trauma. But no, they came this far. They’re not giving it all up for a moment of emotional weakness.  

·      Miles becomes Mr Cards. Isn’t this what they wanted? The first time they meet with Mr Hearts for red science, they feel deep down they’ve made a terrible mistake. Being a Master doesn’t seem good at all. They need something else, but what is it? (Genuine connections with people?) They need to go North.

Clown on Clown Violence 

·      Miles comes to Orsinio yet again, asking him to join them in seeking. He’s so smart and he’s been marked by the northern wind, why won’t he? He can finally have revenge against all the Masters, against the system that enabled Cups to kill his brother. Orsinio refutes with compassion, telling Miles their sister wouldn’t want to lose them. Miles, the real Miles, almost breaks through, their sister ever a soft spot for them. They admit they’re afraid of what they’ve become and they don’t want her to see them like this. Orsinio extends another olive branch, telling Miles it isn’t too late to turn around. But Miles, as always, choses pursuit of grandeur

·      By this point, Miles has become truly obsessed with this enemy they can’t break, not only with the madness that comes of seeking but with possessive behavior that comes from becoming a Master. (Or, Miles, you could have apologized for being rude and asked him to dinner) When Orsinio still won’t bite, Miles threatens to target his friends/found family instead, both Elliot and Lucy.

·      What plays out is a long, regrettable, and, if we’re being honest, a bit pathetic struggle between Miles and Orsinio. Orsinio’s logic isn’t good logic, but it is logic. He thinks there’s no fate worse than going North, even death or injury, so tries poisoning Miles a few times to get them to stop one way or another. Miles isn’t offended but milks the incidents to make Orsinio appear like the villain and turn others against him. Mail fraud is a significant contributor to how things fall apart; Miles begins intercepting letters, isolating Orsinio and each of his friends from each other.

·      Meanwhile, Miles is getting closer to Elliot, claiming to be their only real friend left and trying to drag them into seeking. (Elliot finishes Light Fingers and gets a child to protect so that comes to a quick end, fortunately.)

·      Despite all that’s transpired, Orsinio keeps getting drawn back to Miles. He tells himself it’s determination to stop them for the greater good. What he doesn’t realize is that Miles already got inside his head with seeking which is the real reason he won’t let the topic go. There comes the darkest hour in which he nearly scars himself but is stopped by his student mentee. 

I Want that Twink Obliterated

·      Orsinio comes to realize he’s indulging the same reckless behavior he did during Nemesis that nearly sent him down the dark road of seeking at the time. He pens a letter to Lucy confessing all he’s kept to himself thus far. He reflects that recklessness can be a manifestation of addictive tendencies, then he remembers who he’s fighting, the Master of Gambling. He realizes how he’s been played a little bit too late.

·      Orsinio is strong-minded and normally wouldn’t have fallen for such manipulations, but he’s been worn down for a long time by Miles preying on his paranoia and guilt. Nightmares 7. He goes to pursue Miles one last time to put an end to this once and for all, but walks into a set-up. Miles drags their final confrontation to Parabola where they have an advantage as a silverer. Orsinio does not win and spends some time in the Royal Beth afterward.

·      Orsinio’s student manages to get word of the truth to his friends. Lucy puts Miles in their place through varying violent means and then goes to be with Orsinio. Both of them promise to each other to be better communicators. Lucretia also comes to the Neath during this time to help in the crisis, but more on her story later in her own bio.

NORTH

·      Elliot learns the truth of what Miles did and feels betrayed. Miles sends a final letter. They’re not sorry for what they did, nor are they sure why they did it. Elliot was the last thing they had left to lose, and this whole chess game ensured they would lose Elliot. Now, they’re prepared to go North. First, they must go South, but they will go North.

·      What Parabola and the fingerkings could offer wasn’t enough. Winning the Marvellous and getting the chance to become a Master wasn’t enough. Miles almost considered throwing their lot in with liberationists, so that after the revolution they could seize power in a vacuum, but they didn’t pursue that route. They’ll never be satisfied as long as there’s a higher station to rise to.

·      Miles is unable to live with what they’ve become. They cut off their hair for St Gawain’s Candle, and when they look in the mirror, they only imagine a photograph of Julian as a younger man. They reflect on all the horrific deeds they’ve done and all the people they hurt to get where they are now, and they realize they became just like their father. Beyond the gates is a place they’ll finally be free of him. (Who is the real villain of the story? Julian Lovelace is.)

·      Had they chosen any other ambition ending than power, they would not have gone North. The gravity of the decision hits them and they realize becoming Mr Cards would mean entirely losing their identity. They can’t let anyone see them like this. They don’t want this to be their eternity. They really messed up and see no way to fix it now

·      Miles muses that physical monstrous changes by the red science represent internal corruption, generations of abominable deeds done to stay in power manifest in the weeping scars on their skin. They didn’t fail to live up to their family legacy, they embody it better than anyone else. “Miles, you didn’t have to do any of that!” There are so many points at which a different choice could have made the story end another way, yet the story never could have ended any other way.

·      On the feast of Candlemas, 2 February, Miles goes North. At the gates, they hesitate one last time, thinking of their sister. But they can’t let her see what they’ve become. The sentiment is far too little, far too late. I interpret the knock as suicide

·      At the exact same moment that Miles knocks, Orsinio obtains a discordance stone.

·      Miles asked, “What is due?” I will be vague about the ending, but all I’ll say is that it was the only fitting end for the character trajectory they were on, and they got exactly what they wanted. A position above everyone else. Attention from the grandest.

The End... or Is It?

·      On the seventh day of the seventh month, someone returns from the North, picked up by a ship that was in Stormbones and spotted them by lucky chance.

·      Elliot reacts in disbelief and betrayal. Lucy reacts by killing Miles, repeatedly, for what they did to her loved ones.

·      Orsinio remains calm, because he realizes immediately what’s afoot. For Miles to be here, Nothing had to have happened, because if they weren’t here, then something would have happened. This is Miles, and this is Not Miles. He holds his dog Sugarplum while musing on this, wondering if he should not take Miles to the Anchoress for advice. He decides against it, for the time being.

·      This Miles spends some time adjusting back to life in the Neath, starting completely over again. They have lingering physical changes in sharp teeth and pointed ears, but otherwise has no connection or obligation to continue participating in the Masters’ experiments. They remain under the radar for a time to ensure it’s safe, but no one seems to even acknowledge them. They also have no marks from SMEN save one scar, the first scar, as a reminder.

·      Miles finally realizes the best way to spite Julian is to cut him out of their thoughts and live the life they want. Orsinio is proud of them for character growth, but couldn’t they have realized that sooner, without seeking?  Miles adopts the name Darlington instead, their mother’s maiden name.

·      Orsinio is ever patient but gets tired of Miles hanging around his lab all day and tells them to get something to do. They see posters at the Department of Menace Eradication for a big hunting prize. They always enjoyed hunting trips during visits to the family’s summer home on the Surface. Why not? (We all Look Away from R playing the same ambition with multiple characters. No single timeline shall be a single timeline.) Orsinio remains exasperated.

Bag a Legend 2 Electric Boogaloo

·      “Veils got Miles in the divorce with Eaten”

·      While my OC Samuel represented the taciturn and violent side of Veils, Miles is the charmer and manipulator. Despite getting a second chance, they very much are still a villain, though at least they’re less unhinged this time. Miles becomes a Midnighter. They don’t know why they have a sudden interest in the Great Game, but they find they’re a natural at it. Miles, whether they’re conscious of it or not, plays White.

·      I’m in the middle of BAL now, but Miles will choose the Surface Veils ending. I imagine Veils can shift appearance easily, given that it’s a manifestation of intrigue and disguise; when they first encounter Surface Veils, it appears like Julian. Miles is disarmed, but has grown much more confident, and is able to keep control of the situation. As the game goes on, Surface Veils shifts to look more how I imagine it. When they come to an impasse, a hand is outstretched, and negotiations for a deal can begin. Allying with Veils is the perfect way to spite their father the textile magnate

All My Homies Hate the White

·      Orsinio, who already was suspicious of the circumstances of Miles’ return, grows even more concerned watching them develop an interest in chess which was previously nonexistent. He knows of the higher powers of the chessboard from his studies at the Adulterine Castle, and he knows something of the nature of the Old Man and the White from his experience in the game (several ES). Orsinio knows enough to understand they send agents to the Neath, and he begins to wonder if this is why “Miles” is here.

·      Orsinio is doing a lot mentally better, but still struggles with paranoia. What if his whole life, he’s been a pawn? What if his brother was murdered not only as part of Mr Cups’ scheming, but to get Orsinio to go to the Neath, where he’d eventually go West and study what isn’t at the Hurlers, so he’d have the wherewithal to later lead an agent of the White directly to the court of the Black?

·      The story ends here, for now. I’m excited to do railway with Miles and read text for evil choices that I can’t make with other characters for RP reasons. Playing a villain is a lot of fun. We’ll see how things play out, or do not play out.

[ceruleanwhore]

https://www.reddit.com/r/TedLasso/comments/146erdu/we_need_to_talk_about_ted_lassos_keeley_jack/

this is the reddit post that talks about the jackkeeley problem

Thanks for sending it! I took a look at the post, some comments, and the article and I think I would say that I agree with the article a little more than the comments. This is mainly because my biggest issue with Jack x Keeley is one that people aren’t really talking about that much in the comments, which is that not only did their relationship have issues, but it had the most amount of other characters warning the main character about red flags than any other relationship in the show.

What I mean is that we, the audience, already know perfectly well that Rupert is the worst person ever, but that doesn’t really matter because there is never any danger of Rebecca taking him back, so we never get her being in that relationship and having multiple friends be like “hmm, I’d be careful about that.” Even when the show presents us with other relationships that are clearly toxic or problematic, such as Rebecca and Sam, they never have that kind of intervention and the show even rewards Rebecca for her predatory role there. The closest we get to what we see with Keeley and Jack is the clearly toxic relationship between Beard and Jane, where there’s a whole episode about how Higgins wants to say something and caution him but literally everyone tells him not to and, when he finally does, he and Beard agree not to speak of it ever again and then, in the finale, Beard fucking marries her.

I think that really is my biggest question — why are toxic, problematic het ships rewarded by the show and treated oppositely of how they handle their one toxic gay ship? And also, I understand the point people are making in the comments of that Reddit post about how Jack x Keeley is just realistic and it doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I really want to know why the one relationship that gets the most screen time by far of the two gay relationships we see was written this way. Why is it that they decided to use that relationship specifically to have the characters around Keeley throwing around terms like “love bombing” and why, if they were going to invent a whole new character for Keeley to date, did they choose to go with the billionaire financially backing her entire business?

These choices they made leave a bad taste in my mouth and make me feel like the Keeley x Jack relationship wasn’t actually written in good faith as it’s easier to believe that Colin’s story was. This is especially the case given that, as I believe I said in another post, there really was something about the framing of Jack and Keeley, especially when they first got together, that felt very much like the male gaze, like when a couple of girls kiss at some wild party in a corny movie and all the guys hoot and holler about it. I think both of those points come back to how Jack x Keeley never actually felt organic in any way — probably because Jack’s whole character existed solely to become Keeley’s gf — and the whole relationship felt like they had some awareness around how they had made Keeley bi, so that meant it felt necessary to actually put her with another woman at some point.

Probably the last point I’ll make here about why that relationship gives me the ick as far as it being representation goes is that it feels like a stereotype. You’ve got a masc and a hyper femme woman in a sapphic relationship that is moving really fast and idk, it just feels like some straight people took to the internet and found a few things about U-Haul lesbians and wrote this relationship. Especially given that Jack wasn’t even just… a character, like she was created with the sole purpose of dating Keeley, it doesn’t sit right with me that she’s the only woman with such a masculine name, which of course goes with her story about how her parents really wanted a boy, and that she’s got short hair and wears pantsuits and with her being such an underdeveloped character, that becomes a significant part of who she is. A sizable chunk of what we see of her character is that she’s a masc gay lady and idk, I just really don’t like it in context.

Aside from that, I would say that I think people have a point that not all lgbtq rep has to be all nice and happy every time, but in this case I question it, and maybe that’s because this relationship feels like it doesn’t have any actual lgbtq people behind it. This doesn’t feel like a sapphic relationship written by sapphic people at all, so perhaps that’s why I’m critical of the fact that these choices were made and it was handled like this. I feel like this is especially the case when this relationship is compared to the last one she had on screen, which was with Roy, and that one ended even though it was generally very healthy, just because they felt the need to end it. Not only does this show me that they would’ve been perfectly capable of letting Keeley have another good, healthy relationship like that and still have it end if/when they wanted it to, but there’s something that feels icky about how her one sapphic relationship compares to her het ones. Roy was the embodiment of the female gaze and hardly did anything wrong while Jamie was just a bit of an idiot but never was actually toxic in their relationship and then had the biggest mental/emotional glow-up ever on screen, and yet the only woman Keeley is actually shown to do gay things with is an abusive billionaire who destroys her whole business over the breakup. As such, I think I’d have less of a problem with Keeley being in a toxic relationship that isn’t straight if we, the audience, had ever actually seen her be in any other toxic relationship before then, or even just deal with a toxic man.

Now, I say all this as a ‘baby queer’ who just realized my own sexuality less than a year ago, so I also don’t have the years of experience those commenters have with baiting and bad rep to lower my standards and expectations. On the other hand, I think a lot of the people commenting on that post and a lot of people on here talking about this stuff have been doing this longer and, over time, have built up very different expectations and perspectives than I have. Personally, unless a romantic relationship is written by someone of the same demographic as either the person in that relationship who is the most marginalized identity or both people in the relationship if they’re the same demographic as each other, it doesn’t feel right for it to be written as being toxic if it’s supposed to be rep, in my opinion. For example, if a thin, able-bodied woman were to write a relationship between a plus size, disabled woman and a thin, able-bodied man and then made it super toxic when it’s presented like it’s supposed to be rep for larger bodied people with disabilities, that also wouldn’t feel right. However, I understand why a lot of these other people are saying that it’s fine because it’s realistic and I do get the point they’re making even though I don’t agree with it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling and that was way longer than I’d intended for it to be but I hope that’s a sufficient answer 😅

[thebreakfastgenie]

🫐 - Are there ways you wish you could present yourself differently, but can’t?

Yes and no. I'm glad you asked this one because I think about this a lot! I would not call myself femme, or especially feminine. I don't participate in most feminine rituals. But I do wear dresses and skirts and stuff, and even when I don't, I read pretty feminine. The thing is, my body shape is just what it is. I'm 5', I have big hips, I have D cups. I also have long hair and while I would still read as a fairly feminine woman without it, it does add to the effect. I think I have feminine facial features, too.

Sometimes I wish I could experiment casually with androgyny. I don't think I would choose to be androgynous very often--I like bright colors and decorative styles that tend to read as feminine, at least in the west--but I would like to try it. Maybe choose it once in a while. I don't want to look particularly masculine and I definitely don't want to pass as a man, I just think moderately androgynous women are amazing and I'd like to try it out. And like, I'm not looking for tips. I don't want to put the level of work in that I would have to. And again, if I had a different body and could try out something else, I would probably still choose to present the way I present now most of the time. I like how I present, I just wonder about choices I don't really have.

I don't think of my body as something that is changeable or has certain customizable parts. That's me and my relationship with my body; I'm not prescribing that to anyone else. To me, I have the body that I have and I love the body that I have and I work with what I've got. It's no different to me than my hair; I have fine, somewhat thin hair, that just doesn't work for a lot of styles I like, especially shorter ones (especially because I can't stand daily product). It's okay! I wish I could wear my hair like that but I can't and it's genuinely fine. I wish I could be a little androgynous just to try it but I can't and it's fine.

I do want to wear men's clothes sometimes but two things hold me back. First, I either wear an extra small or petites in the women's section. Especially since I lost some weight. I like certain oversized items, but I don't like most of my clothes being oversized. It makes me feel like a little kid whose camp t-shirt doesn't fit and it also isn't physically comfortable a lot of the time; it doesn't stay in place and gets in the way. The second thing is I just don't see that many men's clothes that I like. If I ever find something from the men's department that I like the style and fit of I'll get it, but that's such a small selection it will never be a big part of my wardrobe. I like men's clothes conceptually (the idea of it is fun!) and I like the material a lot of them are made of but it doesn't work out for me much.

So yes, if I had a different body type there are different ways I would try presenting myself. I can't because of the body type I have. But I don't wish my body was different just so I could present myself differently.

[holaafrica]

New Post has been published on https://holaafrica.org/biromantic-cliterference-and-gynosexual-a-non-exhaustive-list-of-queer-terms-pt-i/

Biromantic, Cliterference and Gynosexual: A (non-exhaustive) list of queer terms Pt I

Sexuality is a spectrum and gender is a construct. Thems the facts. With that in mind there is a lot to learn about these two ideas so we decided to gather this (non-exhaustive) list of sexuality and gender terms. 

Note: Some of these terms you may not identify with or may find uncomfortable. So if you have any additions or see some terms you think deserve to be removed, leave us a comment. 

A/Ace = Slang type abbreviation for “asexual” and houses the whole asexual spectrum (it’s an umbrella term kinda like “gay” or“straight”).

Ace Spectrum = The asexual squad which includes demisexual, and gray-asexual folx under a single umbrella of related sexual orientations.

Aesthetic Attraction = When you like how someone rocks their outfits and you’re feeling how they look a.k.a, attraction to someone’s appearance, without it being romantic or sexual.

Androsexual = The sexual orientation of anyone who has sexual feelings towards a man or masculine vibes.

Aromantic = Someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction.  This is usually seen as something that is a part of a person as opposed to a choice (i.e. choosing to be celibate). Aromantic people typically get their love and cuddles from platonic relationships.

Asexual = Someone who does not experience sexual attraction towards other people (i.e. they are not trying to butter your biscuit, honey). Asexual folx identify as asexual and may or may not experience romantic, emotional or physical attractions to other people.

Beard = A person who marries or dates a queer person who is in the closet in order to help them hide their sexuality. 

Beersexual = A person who will only engage in queer activities when under the influence. Often seen in television shows and often happens between close female friends.

Bigender = A person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behaviour and identities.

Biromantic = A person who is romantically attracted to ‘both’ sexes or genders i.e. male and female but it isn’t necessarily a sexual thing. Or someone who identifies as a member of the bisexual community (including those who are attracted to folx of different genders, not just two genders).

Bisexual = A person who is emotionally, romantically, sexually, affectionately or relationally to various genders (but more commonly thought as being attracted to the ‘two genders’). 

Cliterference = The queer woman version of cock-blocking (e.g. “When you called me to help you find your phone at the bar I was talking to that beautiful woman. You ran cliterference, my G.”). 

Ceterosexual=  Someone who experiences sexual/romantic attraction only to non-binary people.

Constellation= A way to describe the arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship (also known as a polycule). 

Demiromantic = A person who does not experience a romantic attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional bond. A demiromantic person may or may not experience sexual attraction.

Demisexual = Folx who don’t experience sexual attraction unless they have a strong emotional connection (such as a romantic relationship or deep friendship). Demisexuality is not a choice, it is an intrinsic orientation.

Down-low = (Usually) men who identify as straight, but have sex with folks of the same gender on the side without disclosing this to their partner(s).

Dolphin = A slender, athletic, hairless bear (all roads lead back to the bear).

Femme = 1. A person who expresses and/or presents culturally/stereotypically feminine characteristics 2. A specific lesbian identity centred around femininity (e.g. butch/femme).

Note: Femme invisibility is when femmes cannot catch a break. To sum up it is when folks do not know you are a lady loving lady because you dress and present as “straight.” ‘Cause of this feminine-presenting lesbian women are disbelieved, passed over, or intentionally ignored in gay and straight communities alike.

Finsexual = The attraction to women, females and femininity.

Fuckboi = A nonsense ass female-bodied person or boy who you should block immediately. Usually avoids being in a relationship/ healthy interaction through various manipulations or simply snaking and dodging you when they do not want to engage properly. Or simply constantly reminding you “but we ain’t together though”.  Block ‘em on all platforms and do not let them see you naked.

Futch = Feminine lesbian who also has butch swag.

Faux Mo  = Straight girls who act/look/seem interested in being queer, but are as straight as they come. 

Grey-A = The grey area between asexuality and allosexuality, where some folks see themselves landing. Grey-A identifying persons can include people who: do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes; experience sexual attraction, but have a low sex drive; experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them; people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances.

Greyromantic = The grey area between being aromantic and experiencing romantic attraction. Greyromantic identifying persons can include people who: do not normally experience romantic attraction, but do experience it sometimes; experience romantic attraction, but not strongly enough to want to act on it; people who experience romantic attraction but only under very limited and specific circumstances.

Further Reading

Pocket Queerpedia to inform activists, educators and queer communities about queer terminology (New Frame)

What It Means To Be Asexual, Bicurious — & Other Sexualities You Need To Know – (Refinery29)

Older Lesbians Try Out ‘New Lesbian’ Slang And It’s Hilarious (Huffington Post)

Check out the Basically…Life Podcast (on all platforms) and our YouTube series We Are F**kin Here for other vibes that show how queers are living, lovin’ and f*ckin.

For more info about all things gender and sexuality download our Touch Manual which has a bunch of info about dating, sexuality, gender, sex and much more!

Also visit our Instagram page and Twitter account for even more great content! To submit to HOLAA email: submissions@holaafrica.org

[benefits1986]

A Very Bad Good Girl x Rewind

Cinema is said to be a reflection of one's nation and its people. I say, any decent film is also a Mirror of Erised that's either too crass or too classy.

One of the reasons why I took up communication research is to deepen my roots on how frameworks are engineered and optimized to fit my current stance. It's not about the shiny badge of UPDi, it's just me being perpetually curious.

One of the things I did over the long holiday break is to randomly check content as I've been too out of touch. Of course, I'd definitely choose Ooku: The Inner Chambers over A Very Good Girl, however, I'd need to immerse myself in local mainstream films, because, one of my very few GCs is poppin' rainbows about an upcoming debrief. Kidding aside, it's my attempt to immerse in the perspective of my "audience of one" when it comes to work. Yes, work. More so, films are very easy access passes to what the pulse of the nation is, even when I'd have to yawn and laugh dryly so many times while at it.

In line with new stories for 2024, let me share my thoughts and feelings about A Very Good Girl. Alert: Spoilers incoming; however, I'd list down the stuff I gathered instead of lambasting and praising it straight up.

1 The male gaze is currently severely butchered but it's still a butch or femme butch scene, after all. Sorry, not sorry. I'd like to see an unapologetic ultra femme era of films in my lifetime, to be honest.

2 Women in films are on their way to find their safe space without sacrificing a safe space for all. Being immersed in feminism and postmodernism, the truth is that you can't advocate for safe space if you aim to silence the males in any social setting. As a reformed radical feminist, I'm still learning this ground. It's not easy, but it's for the greater good.

3 This film talks about how this country is still ruled by familial ties and feudalism.

4 Production and tiny details make or break the story even when your audience of one is but a passerby or a stranger.

5 While the film tackles the power struggle of females, the subtext I'm getting is that it's a class act involving the Philippines and her people. LOL. Money, fame and power are means to make you appear convenient; but, in reality, everything has a floor and a ceiling you can't escape nor evade. The poor and middle class clamor for these three pillars, however, it's all about being good even when you and the rest of universe make really, really bad choices each time.

Side Note: Sana lang, 'wag masyadong antagonized ang rich and poor masyado. 'Di naman kasalanan ng mahirap na mahirap sila in the same manner na 'di naman kasalanan ng mayaman na mayaman sila, right? And I think that this film has made a decent commentary about this topic.

6 As the media is silenced, harassed and policed with literal and figurative machineries, films are more experimental and more vibrant and dull, all together.

7 Scripts and deliveries do not exactly co-exist; but, I'd like to believe that we're probably off to better heights.

8 The agenda setting and unmuting the muted groups may be lost in translation because the dresses and the accessories seem to take the center stage. I know this is an attempt to put forward a more presentable cake to be eaten by the dogs and the underdogs, however, there should always be context so that the audience masticates is better.

9 Research as Paulo Coelho shares in one of his books is super duper integral to any literary work. I also believe that this is what's lacking in most films in the Philippines. 10 After the credits roll, what matters most is the lesson that the audience of one accepts or rejects. Period. Now, the question is: How deep did the film really go?

11 Not all women are meant to be mothers. But any woman can be a mother, so as long as there is a child who's willing or unwilling to be mothered.

12 Being a child is not bound by age, folio or social class. Being a child may be an adult's most "adulting" thing to down.

13 At times, women take too much heat in any kitchen. Asking for help especially when she can't cook is the cross in which women crucify themselves. This bit hits home a little too much, but hey, that's the truth, the hard pill I am downing, currently.

14 This film seems to be an attempt to shed light on dramatic and tragic-comedic existentialism. OPAK. Ako lang naman 'to since bias ko 'yan e.

Is there such a thing as a signature Filipino film style? This is something that I've been searching for since my biases are European or Japanese films. It's actually tough to answer a yes, but saying no seems tougher. There are a good number of films like Sakada, Serbis, Cuchera, Ekstra, Pamilya Ordinaryo, Nerseri, Posas, Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Engkwentro, Moral, Anak, That Thing Called Tadhana and Muli that have a strong sense of what the Filipinos are made of. In the same manner, these films seem to remind me of foreign films at some level. I try my best not to compare, however, I guess that I'd have to be more forgiving in my next viewings.

More so, regional films are yet to be highlighted as I know so well that our culture beyond Manila is so rich, pure and worth the budget. As one of Anthony Bourdain's visits to PH says it, we are not even regional; we're archipelagic. I'd like to witness a Philippine cinema scene where there's a vibe of pride about the mundane. I'd like to move beyond fake resiliency, sex sells, more sex sells more even when the lighting and editing is really trashy. I'm hoping to see our own theater arts mold our film dreams, hopes, and fears.

---

I'd also like to share that dad watched Rewind and shared the whole story with me this morning. I told him that before he starts, I am on the verge of telling him to skip it the movie and his sharing, because it's gonna be a blood bath; however, this is me, letting him be.

Of course, he didn't bother checking the trailer and the reviews. And so, he gave a blow by blow account of this movie's story. In between bashing and laughing with him, he told me that he's been a very bad dad, all this time. He even enumerated the missed attendances because he was "too busy" with work that's actually manageable. He further confessed that he could have been more present in our lives when we were growing up instead of growling like a beast even at our slightest hiccups. He shared that he'd be more than willing to go back in time to make bawi for his misgivings. I flatly told him that he's not giving... giving up, now and until his forever ends, eventually.

It felt as though he's on his Walk of Shame era with a dog cone and butt naked as he goes around the UPDi Ikot and Toki route. But, I tried my best not to get too bored and tuned in. His sharing lasted for almost 45 minutes, I think.

I chuckled and told him several times that it's his first time to be a dad, a parent; so, naturally, things are always on beta test mode. He told me that if he could rewind our past, he could have chosen to give up his dear life for mom to live longer. He meant what he said. This broke my hypothalamus in the same manner that it gave me a piece of peace that I'm aiming at.

I joked him: Dad, 'di ka naman magso-sorry 'di ba? He said: Alam mo naman tatay mo, iiyak, pero 'di magso-sorry. Me: Sus. OK.

I breathed deeply and told him that everything happens for a reason and that I'd like him to be with me for a long while, perhaps, longer than my original ask. I'd like him to let go of the past and should we talk about the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly, may those be parts of healthy kwentuhans and batuhans. I'm also sure that this is no longer about mother dragon's smirk alone. This time around, it's about me and him and my brother making it together and emerging better.

Ah, January 3, you're something weird, wonky and wonderful! Perhaps, one of the things I'd see in the Mirror of Erised is dad and I biking around Japan for two straight weeks. LOL. Huy, tigil mo na 'yan, back to regular programming ka na in a few hours. Let's go!

[rhaenyras]

Hi, I was wondering if I could seek some advice ?

I think I might have to break up with my boyfriend for the most frustrating reason ever: he can’t stand my body hair. I’m a trans woman, and when we met two years ago, I was very binary-identified. I was extremely anxious about being stereotypically feminine and passing, and I spent hours every day on my makeup, grooming and general appearance. I followed a super- strict diet and workout routine, and I obsessed over every single little thing I ate or wore or did. My boyfriend was really into my appearance, and I liked the validation. Now, though, I feel like I’m finally coming into my own, and I can’t be bothered as much. I’m not totally letting myself go, but I’m not going super femme every day either. I like being casual, and I honestly kind of enjoy an androgynous look. I consider myself non-binary to a certain extent, and my outlook has really been changed by non-binary style icons.

I recently started to experiment by letting my body hair grow out. I’ve never been that hairy to begin with, but I used to wax my arms and legs constantly. Now I don’t, and it’s noticeable. My boyfriend says that it’s weird and grosses him out because he’s straight and not into “hairy dudes,” which I find extremely hurtful because I’m not a dude. He says he has a hard time having sex with me and being seen in public with me unless I’ve shaved. Is that terrible or what ? I’m honestly surprised because he’s been pretty good with me being trans up until now, and he can be really kind. Then again, I know I can’t and won’t force him to be into something he’s not. Do I break up with him ?

....... girl, are you being serious right now??? wdym you´re not sure if this behavior is terrible or not?? it´s not just terrible, it´s HEINOUS. you´re letting this man dictate what femininity is and how you should express your gender. i´m positively seething right now.

i usually advocate for empathy, compromise and an effort towards mutual understanding in relationships, but this is simply not something that can be negotiated. there can be no grey areas in the matter of bodily autonomy and self-expression.

i´m a cis woman who cannot be bothered to shave 24/7 and gladly leaves her body hair thrive, & i can honestly tell you that i would have kicked my husband out of the door long ago if he had ever presumed to tell me how i should groom/manage my body, or any man before him, for that matter. "my body, my choice" doesn´t just refer to abortion. it also means we are free to present our bodies however we see fit and no man can come and impose his will or taste on us.

feminism aside, a man who genuinely loves you will love you for YOU, not for the clothes you wear or the gender expression you choose to adopt in a given phase of your growth. a man who´s truly into you won´t require you to constantly perform hyperfemininity even when you don´t feel like it in order to enthusiastically sleep with you. he´s only gonna stall your growth and become a hindrance to you on your path to self-actualization. so please, do me a favor, do yourself a favor, and dump him. he´s not even that great. you probably thought he was so special and "kind" because he showed you love and (sexual) validation when you thought you were undeserving of any. but you were wrong of course. you do deserve to feel loved, desired and cared for, and no sensible worthy man will ever find any difficulties in giving you these things