#but this is a year long project. meaning it's not creating many - if any - jobs

[cuntwrap--supreme]

My favorite quarry has been closed, which sucks because it's a great place to let my dog swim (her favorite thing to do). I finally remembered to look up what's going on. The city is spending 6mi to make it bougie. It's a fucking 100 year old quarry. It's purpose is for trashy people to go get wasted and jump off the 200ft cliff and die. They're completely paving over the entire thing and adding in, like, concessions and bathrooms and shit. And I'm normally ok with improvements. Bathrooms are definitely something I like to see at parks. But these aren't normal bathrooms. It's a bunch of single stalls that cost probably 20k each to build when you could also just build a normal toilet for 5k.... The whole project reeks of waste. Meanwhile, I'm out here driving on roads so piss poor that I've experienced better driving conditions in Mexico. I've driven on washed out country gravel roads that don't jostle me around so much. My car is so fucked from how bad the roads are. There's also a growing homeless problem because we're rated one of the least affordable cities in the nation due to TN having beef with paying much more than $13/hr but your average rent here being $1600/mo. But that's ok! We'll continue ignoring all that and spend a whole fuck ton improving a park (and by that I mean stripping it of everything that makes it cool). I can't do math to save my life, but I know for goddamn sure I'd do a hell of a lot more to actually improve shit than the argument for why this quarry needs to be destroyed. I'm just waiting for them to announce it's $10 a day to park, too.

[feverdreamjohnny]

The Epitaph of Anything Goes

I decided that this morning I would talk about The Museum of Anything Goes and the subject of lost media.

For the uninitiated, The Museum of Anything Goes is an obscure "game" released in 1995 by Wayzata Technologies, a company that is so far under the radar that I was unable to find any useful information about it outside of TMoAG.

All I could uncover is that they published a few multimedia projects (which are essentially lost now) alongside some asset discs (clipart, SFX, etc.). That's it.

The brains behind Wayzata are even more difficult to locate these days: there are only two main names credited inside of TMoAG - Michael Markowski and Maxwell S. Robertson.

The game alleges that Michael and Maxwell are well known in the art world, but any additional information about the duo is scarce beyond the confines of the museum. Attempting to search for either name online turns up plenty of rabbit holes - but none of them have anything to do with the Michael and Maxwell responsible for TMoAG.

This is particularly fascinating because it essentially means that TMoAG is the only accessible record of their lives. Before we dig any deeper into that statement, let me step back and actually address what this game is.

The Museum of Anything Goes is, by definition, a virtual art museum. Functionally it's a prerendered point-and-click adventure game where you can explore a bunch of multimedia exhibits that give the surface-level impression of a children's edutainment game, but once you start exploring further it reveals a side that firmly plants the game's feet into a haze of substance abuse and surreal humor.

Many exhibits are essentially just toying around with the astonishing new powers of CD-ROM. Everything has to make noise. Everything has to spin and flitter around. There's an air of genuine excitement for the medium, and I can't help but find it extremely charming.

The game also functions as a scrapbook, filled to the brim with photos of random trips to the zoo and snow-mobile rides with friends. At one point we even get insight into something as specific as Michael's one-year job as a tutor at a Chicago middle school, where he talks about how it opened his eyes to how poorly funded and mismanaged the school system is.

It's simultaneously quaint and chilling to see so much personal history packed into a world doomed to obscurity. As I explore the deeper parts of the museum, I contemplate if the creators are still alive today. It's a bit morbid, but imagine that - you create a single obscure game with your friend and it's all the world can see. TMoAG is currently the only surviving piece that gives any insight into who these two men were.

While many exhibits are lighthearted or nonsensical, there are occasional moments where the game dips into the eerie.

One exhibit has the player kill a man by dropping him from the sky, and after burying him you open the coffin to a video of a rotting pig carcass being put into an incinerator.

Other exhibits just feature simple 3D renders shifting around a dark screen while haunting groans play in the background.

While I would never refer to the game as "scary," its darker moments combined with the occasional mature subject matter definitely begs the question: Who is this game for?

You have to remember that this game came out long before the concept of "alt-games" had become codified in the digital space. Sure, unconventional digital art had been around before the advent of 256 colors, but TMoAG was being sold on disk as a game! It came out 2 years after DOOM hit shelves!

The trend of using the PC for entertainment was certainly on the upswing around that time, but It's not like TMoAG had a massive audience to find a niche in. With its mature themes it certainly wasn't suited for the kids market either, so who was it for?

At the end of the day, it's a moot question. We already know the target audience for The Museum of Anything Goes: Nobody. It doesn't have an audience because by its nature, TMoAG wasn't being made FOR someone, it was being made BY someone. It's a raw, unfiltered form of personal expression.

I think games like these are pivotal, because they question why people assume a game has to exist for the sake of being a consumable product. TMoAG certainly has the shape of a product: it features an intro cutscene, it has a tutorial, it features intuitive UX, it even has a map! These are all features that are solely integrated to provide comfort to an end-user. But once you actually wander around the museum for a bit, you realize how bizarrely its packaging fits its contents.

I think TMoAG is criminally underrated. It's not because its core content contains some earth-shaking truth, it's because the game defied all odds and cheated death.

How many thousands of other personal projects were deemed a little "too exotic" to be archived? How much history was lost these past 40 years as the digital space evolved and ate its old skin?

God knows how many other TMoAGs we'll never learn about because they weren't lucky enough to be preserved.

The Museum of Anything Goes isn't just some nonsensical art piece, it's a grave marker for so much lost media. Its existence is a reminder that some people's lives were fossilized, then macerated into nothing because a construction company built a skyscraper over them. The only evidence we have of those other games existing is this little fossil that somehow slipped out from under the skyscraper unscathed.

Even though so much has been lost, TMoAG survives as an epitaph.

[emilybeemartin]

Hey! Hey, would you like to be a park ranger?

USA Jobs just posted a bunch of national park ranger positions for summer 2024--everything from small historic sites to the big flagship parks like Yellowstone and Yosemite. These are seasonal positions specifically for interpretive rangers, which means you begin around May-ish and end around September-October-ish. Interpretation is the branch of the NPS that does educational programming and frontline visitor services, like working in the visitor centers, leading guided walks and talks, and just generally interacting with the public in a friendly, helpful way.

If you have a four-year college degree in just about any subject (honestly, I've worked with people with degrees ranging from theater to business to geoscience), or 12 months' relevant work experience (customer service, retail, education, camp counseling, etc), or a combination of the two, you're eligible to apply. All you need is a resume and transcripts if you're using education to qualify.

Just go to USAJobs.gov and search for "park ranger interpretation" in the search bar. The key things you're looking for in the results are listings from the National Park Service, the code GS 5 (which is the entry level for this position), and the phrase Not to Exceed 1039 hours (which indicates it's a seasonal position).

Some tips!

>Each application requires you to answer a questionnaire about your experience with things like customer service, preparing educational programs, researching scientific topics, etc. Be generous with yourself on these, because other folks will be. Even if you don't think you're an "expert" in something, consider your past work creatively. Have you presented research projects in class? Have you worked retail? Can you keep up a professional demeanor when somebody's upset? You have the qualifications. Rate yourself as such.

>Be thorough and specific in your resume. The NPS isn't a one-pager resume organization. They need to see evidence that you have the qualifications you say you do. The best way to ensure this is to copy, word for word, the phrases in the above questionnaire and insert them in the relevant places in your resume. So if the questionnaire says "Can you research, prepare, and present scientific information to a lay public," go to the appropriate place in your resume and write "I researched, prepared, and presented scientific information to my peers" or something similar. I kid you not, my current resume is ten pages long.

>Cover letters are optional but helpful! There are lots of templates online to help you write one; be sure to be professional. Mine is around 250 words and has three short paragraphs:

1- Position I'm applying for

2- Quick summary of most relevant work/education experience

3- Additional skills/rizz that makes me stand out (for me it's writing/illustrating, which helps me create visitor programs)

>Two things the NPS loves that will boost you are foreign language skills and being a US military veteran. Highlight these elements if you have them.

>Are you a schoolteacher? Check out the Teacher-Ranger-Teacher program.

>The big flashy parks are posted as standalone listings, but most of the others are bundled into "Multiple Locations" that are based on region. Consider applying for many of these smaller monuments and historic sites---they get far fewer applicants and are easier to secure. And many are absolutely beautiful. Want to work at Arches? Also apply to Natural Bridges. Want to work in Yellowstone? Also try Lassen Volcanic. Prefer history over science? You have dozens of amazing options from every facet of American history.

>Apply today! Apply now! Many of these parks cap their applicants because they get so many, and the rest will close after a week or so. A glance at the ones that were posted today and yesterday show them either closing on October 15 or 22. Some regions haven't posted yet, so keep checking the website in the next few weeks.

I love my work as a park ranger---it's such a rewarding way to spend a summer (or two, or ten), and it can open doors to other things. You won't get rich, but you will make great friends and great memories, add a killer section to your resume, and spend four months immersed with smart, passionate people in some of the coolest places in the US.

Plus you get a SICK HAT

[butchsophiewalten]

Twitter Space Recap July 28th 2024

Last Sunday Martin, Eva, Kyle did a Twitter Space, with intermittent appearances from Coral! Here are some of the Q&A answers and other interesting things they talked about:

-Someone asks if TWF5 is going to be longer or shorter than TWF4, and Martin says that he currently predicts it to be "a bit longer".

-Somebody asks how Laura Peony (Rosemary's sister) looks. He says that she looks similar to Rose, probably, but that he honestly doesn't have much of a design in mind for her. Something fun to me is that he calls her "Sophie's aunt", rather than calling her Rosemary's sister, which is interesting when remembering one of Martin's previous statements that Rosemary doesn't have a very good relationship with her family.

-Someone asks about something Martin said in a Q&A a while ago, about Jenny going through many redesigns before her current and final design, and if we could see any of them. Eva ends up sharing one of Martin's old drawings of one of these designs, even though Martin says that he really hates it.

He mentions that she looks "too normal" and that she "looks like she's straight."

-Someone asks, "Who or what was the thing behind Bon and Sha in the TV in TWF2?" and Martin answers that it's Susan. (slowed gif relevant)

-Someone asks about how the Relocate Project trio all met each other, and Martin explains how in his original vision for the characters, they were this really close and inseparable group of long-time friends, but that he's recently kinda revised that idea, thinking it'd be more realistic if they were just work friends, who met each other through their jobs and all had full, separate lives and maybe weren't so inseparably close.

-Someone asks how old Kevin is in TWF2, and Martin explains that the relocate trio's ages are something that he's kinda retconned. He brings up an old image of Ashley that gets passed around by the fanbase sometimes which says she'd be 19 years old in 1978, saying that in his mind now, she'd be 22 at the time. He says "-and there's a reason for this, there's a reason for this. There are things about, uh, Ashley, and some things about the rest of the episode 2 crew that we haven't seen yet."

-Martin and Eva joke back and forth about an idea they both like, which is that Bon can create or mimic noises with his animatronic voice box, and that he likes to do stuff like bark and people in K-9, just to freak them out. Martin says, "Wait, did you know that this actually happens, in one of the episodes? In episode 2, Bon fucking plays rabbit noises, to mess with Ashley. When the lights go out, Bon-- he's imitating a rabbit."

-Martin says, "Somebody asked if the baby doll we see in Souvenir and TWF4 will have meaning in the future. Ah, yes it will."

-Someone asks, "Are we gonna get wholesome Rosemary content in the upcoming episodes?" and Martin and the rest of the crew shoot the shit for awhile, alluding ironically to the torment (emotional and otherwise) she will almost certainly be met with in the upcoming episode.

-Martin mentions that he's working on something related to TWF7, and says, "I genuinely think that episode 7 is going to be the most hated episode of The Walten Files ever. I've talked about this with Eva before." Martin and Eva refer to it sneakily as the "yuri" episode, and we know from previous Q&As and spaces that TWF7 is most likely going to be about Sophie and Jenny's relationship, possibly detailing how they met. Martin says, "I think- it's not because of what is in it [that it will be hated], it's more like, it's the least 'Walten Files' episode of The Walten Files."

Kyle says, "To be fair, I feel like season 2 is going to be such a tone shift and it's gonna do so much, that it's gonna be like, "Woah!" You're gonna send people back, like, 20 feet in surprise."

-Somebody asks if Jack is addicted to smoking, and if Felix gets on his ass about it. Martin says "I don't think Jack is addicted, I think Jack just smokes because he thinks smoking is cool. I wouldn't say addicted, but I'd say Rosemary smokes out of like, a place of, like, stress and anxiety. Instead of just as a hobby, in a way."

-Someone asks if Susan is skinny. Martin says, "I don't think Susan is very skinny, I would say Susan is more--" and Eva fills in with "Muscular..?" to which Martin replies, "Yeah, I was gonna say that, I couldn't find the right word. Yeah, considering she usually helps build the stuff, and shit like that, while Charles sits on his ass and stays on his computer all day, like a fucking lazy bitch. Just programming shit."

-Martin openly laments that Charles doesn't have more of a fanbase for him as in individual character. He goes, "Do I have to wait for the next two episodes to drop, so I can fucking have a Charles fandom? That's so sad."

-According to Kyle, Charles' favorite Sonic the Hedgehog character would be Knuckles. Martin says he doesn't know a lot about Sonic, but that Jack's favorite character would be Doctor Eggman, because he's the only human character.

-Martin and Eva talk for a bit about who would win in a fight between Bon and a bunch of different animatronic characters from Five Nights at Freddy's, with him losing terribly to most or all of them. Eva determines that he could definitely win against normal human William Afton, and Martin says he could, at least, probably win against The Puppet. Martin says, "Y'know how dogs grab, like, a toy? And shake it around? Bon just fucking bites-- and starts fucking shaking the animatronics around."

-Somebody asks, "Do Brian and Kevin know each other?" and Martin says, "No, they don't. I don't think Brian knows anybody from the rest of the series. Why would he?"

-Martin says, "I like to think- in the apartment [Jenny and Sophie] live in- It's really funny to me, the idea that Jenny knows everybody in the building and is friends with everybody, and Sophie isn't. Like, it's like, imagine in everyone else's perspective, its like 'Ohh, there's Jenny!', and she's like this really sweet person, and then there's just Sophie, this fucking-- this silent, weird girl that's always seen next to Jenny."

-Martin asks Eva, "What to you think of episode 7?" to which she replies, "It's very yuriful." He responds saying, "That's true." Eva later appends saying, "It's also a very good episode."

-Someone asks, "Will there be a Walten Files 5 & 6 trailer soon?" and Martin replies, "I have an idea for a trailer, but I know know if it's necessary, considering I don't want to show what happens in the episodes. I want people to go in completely blind."

-Eva reads a question that she likes, but is worried is too spoilery. "What's Sophie's relationship with her medication? Does she resent having to take it? Does Jenny know that she's on it?" Martin responds, "We cannot answer that. Because the medication Sophie's on will be expanded on." appends later going "I love how my original idea for Sophie's pills was like, it was never addressed it any way. It was just like, 'oh, she's just taking pills.'"

-Somebody asks about Hidie the Raccoon from the Showstoppers Cartoon, and Martin says that he's a burglar who pretends to be a collector for charity, but just steals the money.

-Someone asks about Madness Meridian. Martin says, "It was a book that was like, a more realistic version of The Walten Files. And it was like, 'what if The Walten Files was, like, completely made up by Sophie?', and it was like, it was really bad. And I remember I worked a lot in the book, but I lost it on an old computer, so."

-Someone asks if we're ever going to see the Showstoppers singing for real, instead of just performing over a preexisting song, and Martin says yes!

-Someone asks about the Findjackwalten page that was recently discovered, /jennyslair-dot-com-worldwideweb, which is currently password protected. Martin says that it will be a page soon, so the page's content is probably not currently meant to be accessed.

[honeybewrites]

Writeblr Intro!!

Figured I should do an introduction for my little crevice of the internet! 

I go by HoneyBe, or just Honey, or just Be, or really any other name you feel like! I mostly use she/her, they/them pronouns, but feel free to use whatever. I’m in my 20s and on the AroAce spectrum. I’ve been writing on and off since middle school and I’m hoping to get better at improving my skills, because 12 year old me didn’t care about that but 20 year old me does. I’m hoping to find (or build) a little community to support and help each other with all the writing things. Mostly though, this is just me gaslighting and guilt tripping myself into thinking that by not writing and posting, I will disappoint a nonexistent audience on the internet and not just myself, because apparently that’s the only way my brain will cooperate with me. 

Couple other little tidbits about me:

Big fan of the found family trope. Literally will make me squeal at a highly obnoxious volume.

LOVE extensive world building. I want to know every detail of a magic system and how a planet operates. I will listen to you rant about lore for hours, just please let me do the same every once in a while. I am begging, please, I want to tell you all the things.

I’m a little funky photographer trying to start her own little funky photography business, mostly to give myself more time to travel and write and also to get out of my full-time retail job (it’s pure hell and I hate it with an unholy, unmatchable heat of a thousand suns).

I love flowers. They’re just so pretty and as a little honeybee myself, it’s part of my job.

If you mention dragons, you will summon me. I have an obsession with the magical creatures and it knows no bounds.

My Main WIP, or I guess world, is what got me into writing in the first place, and I’ve been messing with it for years. You’d think that would mean I have it decently fleshed out, right? Nope. Unfortunately, The Plot keeps escaping my basement and causing a train wreck. If anyone has better restraint suggestions, let me know. My neighbors are starting to get concerned.

Anywho! The whole world is called The Seven Realms, or as my docs are titled, 7R. I know, so original. She wants to grow up and be a series with little series siblings, all connected in one Big Family. Seriously, I have OCs all over this world’s history and very vague vibes, aka, The Plot, to go along with them. Here are my two main ones.

Eclipse of War Chronicles (EoWC)

Colliding Stars (supposedly book 1)

The Realms are in chaos. A war started nearly a hundred years ago, still raging today, has wrecked both sides. The original intent of the war has long left everyone’s mind; it’s now a fight over territory and unification. The Realms border on complete and totally collapse from the strain of this ongoing blood bath and neither side refuses to admit defeat.

Project Viall, created during the hight of the war, was set on creating superior fighters. After many failed attempts, two successful subjects were created from the genetic experiments.Trained side by side to be flawless and merciless loyal weapons of death, they end up on opposite sides of this vicious war. Both intent on destroying the other, while their partner and closest friend hides behind the mask. Bonds are tested. Secrets revealed. Loyalties made and destroyed as two partners threaten to destroy the entirety of the Realms in their hunt for blood.

Legend of the Ancients (LotA)

The Fallen Dragons (supposedly book 1 of another series)

A brutal war has left the dragons all but extinct. To preserve the species, the remaining dragons have gone into hiding, leaving behind a subspecies borne through the war to fend for themselves: the Tanimoriem. Generations later, no one has seen or heard of a dragon, leaving the Tanimoriem as their only remains to once was. Knowing little of their history and being hunted simply for being kin to dragons, the Tanimoriem learned how to fight viciously and keep to themselves, earning a reputation as vile, unfeeling demons.

Accepting a bounty mission, Ryuk, a seasoned Tanimoriem, gets more than he bargained for. He had been told this was another monster that needed killing. A dangerous beast. Instead he’s met with a child who finds his horns and wings fascinating. Ryuk is forced to look after the child until he can figure out what secretive plot is brewing, because it might just involved the Tanimoriem.

Of course, my goblin brain has given me plenty more snippets and random characters in different times in this world that I have yet to do much with. The world of the Seven Realms has consumed me for years and I have been shown no mercy. I’m planning to do a proper intro post to each WIP and their characters at some point… *puts twenty reminders in phone to write intro posts*

Also!! I will take all asks, tags, and DMs you can throw at me. Literally. Ask me about anything. Books, WIPs, OCs, hell, even ask about my least favorite color or my favorite bread. I do not care. I will answer. I want to be friends will all of you!! I don’t sting! I promise!!

[askagamedev]

How much code is reused from game demos sent to publishers? Since developers don't have much time to create a good architecture at first and have to rush things, do they have to rewrite things from scratch once it gets in production?

The most common answer in all of game dev is always "it depends". Most game development falls along a spectrum with one extreme end being "well-oiled machine" (i.e. a project where almost everything is already well-established) and the opposing end being "no idea where they're going and holding on for dear life" (i.e. everything is new and vision/direction is constantly changing). Qualities like clarity of vision, team leadership, and total team experience will determine where on this spectrum each project falls.

If the development process is disciplined and things are proceeding to plan, the demos we show to the executives are not far removed from the final versions we release to the public because things are proceeding as expected. The better-established the game and its feature set, the easier it often is to develop. Franchise games like Madden, COD, or Assassin's Creed, or long-running games like World of Warcraft have a well-established formula, very experienced teams, and a deep tool chest that allow games and game content to be built very quickly and efficiently. They are well-oiled machines that don't often have to reinvent the wheel because they've been using and improving on that process for many years already. They know exactly what they are building and are very good at delivering it. Any demo they build to show off work in progress will be very close to what will be shown in the final version of the game. Very little work will need to be redone.

If development is troubled and the team is having difficulty hitting their goals and milestones on time for whatever various reasons, then the demos will reflect that. Most troubled development executive demos tend to be smoke and mirrors, with a lot of hacks and demo-exclusive assets that are held together by bubblegum and a prayer. These kind of demos can cause the team to enter into a death spiral because cobbling a bunch of hacks together for a demo actually puts the team even further behind schedule because we can't use those kind of hacks in real production. This means that these teams need to build almost everything twice (at least) - a hacky rushed way for the demo and then the "real" way. They constantly need to "catch up", but the hacks they put in place often cause instabilities and [technical debt] that must be addressed later on, which puts them further and further behind. This is commonly known as development hell.

These are, of course, the two extreme ends of a single spectrum. Most game development projects fall somewhere along that spectrum. More experienced and established franchises lean towards the "well-oiled machine" side because they've had all the bad practices beaten out of them over the years. Most new IP and experimental gameplay tends to lean more towards the wild-and-crazy side of the spectrum, because there are too many [unknown unknowns] on projects like that. If you ever find yourself repeatedly behind the 8-ball crunching to put together many demos in a row with lots of hacks, you may wish to consider parlaying the firefighting skills you've learned into a job elsewhere.

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[sutaagaaru]

STAR BOY— BONUS #1: SHADES OF WINTER

౨ৎ synopsis: torugu guse is an author who has become a client under the Kaisen Literature Company, for their compilation of poems and short stories. it’s gojo satoru’s job to read it and come up with a design.

౨ৎ summary: gojo satoru reads the first poem in shades of winter.

author’s note: hi! so if you’ve been reading along with STAR BOY, i have created these short bonus chapters that break away from the actual story and are set in the past. it’s a prequel of sorts. you don’t have to read these to understand the main story, but it’s definitely a little insight into satoru’s life, and does tie into the main storyline from chapter 4 onwards. these bonus chapters will be every now and then, not regularly updated with STAR BOY. the reader from the main story is also not featured. it’s literally just about gojo. (and some others…) mwah, enjoy!

“our latest project needs to be read by everyone, by the end of the week. please relay this message to your staff, so we can begin the process of getting it out there next monday. thank you.” one of the board directors spoke, excusing himself from the room.

“what a drag. that whole meeting could have been summed up with an email. don’t you think, nanamin?” gojo satoru complained, as he usually did, to the stoic blond beside him.

“practically anything can be summed up into an email, gojo. but who wants to receive so many emails from their superior, especially if it’s out of work hours?” nanami kento mumbled dispassionately.

“whatever. what is this shades of winter, anyway?” i didn’t know poetry was trending these days.” satoru picked up one of the transcripts left in a pile on the boardroom table, quickly flicking through the pages.

“from what i’ve read, the author published one of their poems on a social media app and it picked up a lot of traction. jumbler, i think it was called.” nanami too picked up a copy of the transcript, immediately placing it in his briefcase.

“hah, you mean tumblr? keep up with the times nanamin. either way, i’m glad they’re all short. it makes them easier to read with my staff.”

“i’ve never understood why you read our projects that way. surely it’s much better and impactful to read it in the comforts of your home, alone.” nanami furrowed his brows.

“that’s only because you like being in your home alone. it’s boring doing it that way, that’s why we all read it together. besides, since these are all lame poems i can read them out loud, that way no one will fall asleep.” satoru took no notice of nanami’s incredulous expression.

“you may be surprised, they certainly aren’t ’lame.’ i managed to find one of torugu’s older works and they are truly beautiful. in any case, i suggest you head to your department. we all have work to do.” nanami exited the meeting room, while gojo stared at the transcript.

as if some stupid poems could surprise him.

shades of winter

ten years.

ten winters, all of different shades and full of pale faces.

i see a bed of snow,

and the twinkle of your eye,

and the shades and faces melt into the winter sky, ten years ago.

nine summers.

countless summer days, when the snow has long left the floor.

i see a burning sun,

and the warmth felt from your touch,

and then, i find, the cold emptiness has only just begun.

ten birthdays.

ten christmases.

ten rotations around the earth.

i feel myself slipping through the void, the endless, unlimited void, which has risen from your absence.

or my absence, i suppose.

when i close my sunken eyes,

i see a bluish hue,

it sort of looks like you.

ten years.

ten winters, all of vastly different shades.

the shades of winter, oh so intricate, yet dull.

duller than the summer days, than the void in my mind.

duller than that you-shaped hue flickering behind my sunken eyes.

will there be ten more years?

will i even remember the details of your face?

it’s too much to think. but the only thing i’m sure of

is i’ll see a bed of snow,

and i’ll begin to cry,

and i don’t know why

when it was a winter, ten years ago.

—torugu guse.

“the rhyme scheme is all over the place! is this really the project we’re working on this week? i mean, what does any of this even mean?” a member of the design staff commented.

“i think that’s kind of the point. the speaker is going through a heavy loss, and spiralling because of it, so they can’t even make sense of their words. that’s what i got from it.” another chimed into the debate.

“i agree, it’s like the speaker is stuck on this person, and even though it’s not clear if they died or just left, you can tell they’re still thinking about the day that person disappeared. what do you think, gojo-san?” someone asked.

but satoru could not speak. his eyes were glued to the page, bouncing back between the words.

“i think… i think we should read these in our own time.” satoru finally looked up, his voice uncharacteristically soft and solemn.

“what? we’ve never done that before, you always said it’s more fun to read together!”

“this is… nothing like i’ve ever read before. i- i’ll be right back, you guys can have a break. i’m just gonna- i’ll be back.” the man disappeared from the office, running to the bathroom.

satoru stared at his reflection in the mirror, his wide eyes and panicked expression looking unfamiliar to himself. that poem, for some reason, spoke to him in a way he couldn’t seem to accept. it was like a poignant reminder of the ache in his heart, a reminder of his worst days.

it was almost as if someone had scribbled down the inner workings of his brain, weaving in the hidden emotions that he kept locked away for his own good.

if the rest of the stories were like that… satoru was terrified to turn the page.

with urgency, satoru turned the water on and splashed his face.

who the fuck is torugu guse?

౨ৎ…!

author’s note: i feel like this could be really obvious or extremely confusing. either way, i hope this made some sense to you, and i sincerely hope you will enjoy this little bonus backstory while i continue to write STAR BOY.

by the way, yes i did write that poem myself… i am not claiming to be a poet but i kinda like how it turned out.

thanks for reading!

© SUTAAGAARU 2024. do not repost, translate, or duplicate any of my works here or any other websites.

taglist: @higurumapet @opheliaas-stuff @diogodxlot @socialanxietyvictim @delirious-donna @zombriesworld @aomi04 @topiatwinss @doyouevenshipit @levin4nami @miguellover6969 @pennameyoruichiii

[hcfiles]

How to promote an actor? Well, one way is through promoting his interests, life style and details of his personal life. But, that shouldn't be the main goal of his team and those personal details are not always true, created to entertain, sell a persona and keep his name in the media. Talent and other professional skills should be important. But, if you don't have those, nor an established name like Hugh Jackman, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, George Clooney, for example, you have to keep digging. So, he created an AVATAR, a fake persona, with some real characteristics, to sell his image and keep his name as news. Times are different now. And today, in Hollywood, talent is not enough. There was a time when movies were art and told great stories. Today, it's all about money. Any poor script may become a hit and any hot stuff, famous. The plot doesn't need to be great, it only needs a pretty face in good shape, a sex symbol to make people buy tickets. That's the kind of actor he is, from the new school, were all you need is to sell yourself as a hot stuff. Never seen efforts from his side searching for a nice plot, but for a role in which his physical image came first. So, he decided to sell himself as a sex symbol. And, it has been working for him, because, despite precedents, he always managed to keep an image. But, this image was destroyed by his own team and they are making a great effort trying to restore it. Meanwhile, concerning his acting career, what have we had, so far? A few cameos, small parts in insignificant movies and a lot, I mean A LOT of clickbait. For the last four years his team has promoted projects that turned out to be untrue. A lot of speculation around his name, but very little work. He got stuck in a circus that discredited his image, has been hiding from social media, only appearing when to sell a product and his management doesn't seem to be doing a good job for a very long time, focussing more on money rather than in achievements . And he has been having to do both jobs: act and manage his career. From time to time, they come up with a new clickbait. He's rumoured to star in many new projects, but in practice he hasn't had one. That's what it is. They are desperately trying to bring him back to track and arrange him a new iconic role, when meanwhile, there's nothing and he has established himself as the cameo boy. Why come up with new projects' rumours when Rosie Project, Bond, WH and Highlander rumours never resulted in close deals? What it seems is they are desperate to get him something, selling him as a cheap bitch, which makes him worth less as an actor.

[kingdoms-and-empires]

Hey, wanted to say I am in love with your work. Really fantastic! May I ask: Do you have any pieces of advice for inspiring CoG writers or Interactive Fiction writers? Thank you and can't wait for more.

Im absolutely welcome these types of asks as they help remind me of what ive learned myself. Im going to try and say what i think every aspiring writer should hear to help them start out. Here we go: 1) Ensure you know what how much youre writing from the very beginning and plan accordingly. If it is a smaller story, do not be super ambitious, use it as a starter game to learn the basics of choicescript and learn the social media aspect of producing a title. If it is a large story, say over 800k words long, then you NEED to have an outline for each arc to help you know A to B for the story beats. Make outlines upon outlines and you will be doing yourself a favor. ESPECIALLY when coding. 2) THIS ISNT LIKE WRITING TRADITIONAL NOVELS. Know that Interactive Fiction is frustrating to write. You can write 3k words for a choice group, and players will only see 500 words or less worth of content for that choice group. Do not feel disheartened, for it is what it is. Just know youre doing a good job providing content and playable interaction with choices! Just be aware and mindful of not injecting bad or useless content in these choices! Have it matter in some way, either to represent/flesh out the world, characters, who the MC is, consequences, relationship changes, and foreshadowing.

3) Do not get too caught up with reader interaction. Your main job is to write write write. Create a hard limit for how many asks you answer, how much time you spend interacting with readers, and know what type of questions you should answer. Simply put: Be strategic! There may be a great question, but it could be too spoilery or it could take too much of your time to answer. 4) I learned this the hard way. Do not release information about the ROs until you actually reach the part in the story we meet them. If i can go back in time, i wouldnt have announced mine so soon haha. Youre gonna be eager to share your work and talk about it, but youll only be shooting yourself in the foot with people who only seek romance from your game! Also, dont overshare about em. You could retcon something and a reader may get upset with the change. Keep it simple! 5) Set low goals. Do not overpromise. You will feel guilty for failing and it may/will affect you mentally and your willingness to write. 6) You are not perfect, and that's okay!!! I struggle with this (and honestly everything ive listed here), but reminding yourself that its okay to not be perfect will help. You're human. It's hard to remember, and take it seriously, but you have to try. 7) Choice of Games (and more specifically Hosted Games) offer amateur writers a chance to share their work with others. Though games are becoming more and more expansive and huge, don't feel like you HAVE to do the same. A Mage Reborn is widely considered to be one of the best titles to have come out in recent years, and is listed at having 160k words! Small package (160k is by no means small in any capacity, dont get it twisted) big impact! 8) Know what type of game and title youre writing. If your project is focused on romance, dont spend more than necessary on worldbuilding, action, or thematically unrelated things. Stick to what the focus is, and your strength! 9) Ask for help. Seriously. You are combining coding and writing, so there's bound to be errors and things you wont understand. The CoG forums and Twine communities are always ready to help. Reach out to the communities or other authors for help. Just remember that some may be too busy to really help, so don't feel disheartened if one doesnt have the time. There are others, and you usually only need one to say yes to help figure out what youre struggling with or why you keep getting that error message. 10) Understand that you are giving a piece of your soul out there. It sounds corny as hell, but it's the simple truth. There is literal risk involved as a creator, no matter if you write, develop, draw, sing, perform, etc. There's obviously the risk of spending too much time on a hobby or dream for too little gain, but what im referring to is the all too common story of a creative putting their heart and soul into something important to them, and receiving no attention or being told it sucks. It will damage you, and perhaps even break you. Because again, you may have given it your all. So please take care of your mental health. It's okay to retreat and stop for a while. That doesnt make you a failure. Most of us creatives do this because we love the subject, and want to share what we can with others that love the industry, hobby, or topic theyre in. Remember that love, and remember what made you fall in love enough to put yourself out there. Remember you started for the art and craft.

[volterran-wine]

Hiii! This is the same anon that was asking if you got my marcus headcanon/story request or if it got lost but it was basically asking how if by some divine miracle marcus decided to entertain someone else romantically what would that look like? ik u have done similar headcanons before but for this one Im thinking abt the slowburn ANGST that this new relationship would face and all the push and pull that would inevitably happen :)

♝• 𝐀 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Ah yes, dear Anonymous, I do have this one in my Inbox already but another requester took the last story slot before you were able to grab it. It was first come, first serve, so I am sorry if there was any confusion.

However, there is another issue with your request. One I have not spoken about in depth on my blog before, so please do not feel singled out because I am replying to you;

You speak of Slowburn, a genre that needs at least 15+ chapters of fanfic to make it believable and an actual Slowburn in my opinion. In my longer fanfics I try to hit around 2500 to 4000 words a chapter to make them substantial enough. If I were to write an Imagine/Story with that trope I would have to condense it to around 1500 words (the average length of my requested stories), which means I would have to utilise time skips―which defeats the Slowburn trope.

If I were to sit down and write a 60 000 words request it would take up a large part of my time, something I cannot afford.

Moving on from your request now dear Anonymous, the next part of this is a more general PSA. I will get some longer Marcus Headcanons your way as a small apology from myself 🖤

I may be on medical leave right now, but I am slotted to return to work in October. Requests of this size would take away from all my passion projects as well as other requests for the blog.

A fair amount of times I have received highly detailed and long requests for fanfiction, the kind of stories that would take many chapters to fulfill. I will never do those. Those kind of requests are the same as asking me; "Nathalie, could you please spend six months of the year on my request?" And frankly, I do not have the capacity to do such a thing for the fandom―nor do I want to.

The only time an Imagine Request evolved into something bigger was a story surrounding Jane and Alec's turning, and the only reason I felt comfortable doing that was because I knew I could incorporate a lot of the writing into their dedicated fanfic. That and it was early on in VolterranWine's existence.

I am an adult well into my twenties with a full time job I'm returning to, a home I own that needs upkeep and renovations, aging parents I want to spend time with, and a group of IRL friends I try to see at least once a week, I want to get a cat. When this blog was made it was during lockdowns and I was partially laid off, life simply is not the same as when I was creating around the clock.

What I am trying to say, is that I cannot dedicate my entire energy reserve to requests like that, I do not have the spoons most days to do that.

Thank you, if you made it to the end of this monstrosity of a long post. Thank you for the support, but even Volterran-Wine gets tired.

[drawnecromancy]

Get To Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer, questions are from @davycoquette (and like Ceph, i'll link the template riiight here :))

If you see this post and consider yourself part of writeblr, please consider yourself tagged. I don't actually feel like I know enough people who would nod and go "yes, my blog is a writeblr", to tag anyone except @isabellebissonrouthier and @literarynecromancy LOL (also Ceph already tagged Jez so I can't tag him)

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr ?

Well, that's the thing isn't it.

This blog isn't a writeblr. I've defined it in the past as an art blog, because i made it in 2017 primarily to show my drawings to other people. The thing is that said drawings tend to be part of a bit of writing anyway, so of course I'm including that. And it's also a personal blog.

This is just my house man.

What led you to create it ?

Accidentally answered this earlier - I wanted to show my art to other people.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community ?

My friends ! I, genuinely, do not interact with the writeblr community much beyond my friends/mutuals. I have no idea how I stumbled into having genuine writeblr mutuals in the first place.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you ?

I tend to reblog on @irianeth without further comment because my brain is empty 99% of the time

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash ?

...i don't know ?

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today ?

Probably go in the writeblr tag and see how people do it ? I have no idea. Have fun I guess.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately ?

I've been a bit frustrated at my inability (largely due to time and energy constraints) to keep poking at my novel, Le prix du sang. [Hélianthe et Atropa tag] Genuinely I would like to be able to write a bit on it soon because i want this story out of my brain and into people's hands.

Other projects I've been Thinking about... Mostly roleplay stuff with @lee-thee-bee [Neseah tag]. There's so many AUs rolling around in my brain you have no idea. I can grab almost literally any character and go "here's an AU where shit goes differently". Sometimes it's better sometimes it's worse. Been rotating a funny one lately including fake kidnapping this time around.

How long have you been working on them ?

Le Prix du Sang ? Oh boy. I think it started before university, so probably in the 2017-2018 ballpark... Man, that's like 6 or 7 years.

Lee and I've been making Neseah since December 2023, I believe. Not even a year old but there's So much.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started ?

LPDS : I had a weird fucking dream. I was a woman, armed with a crossbow, running away from an entire village trying to kill me for being a witch. I eventually ended up in the living room of a sexy vampire who was basically offering me a job (helping him massacre the village) in exchange for letting me live. We massacred the village. I woke up like "hold on, if you change some things, it could be a short story". ...and then, the short story got out of hand. The village massacre is essentially just the first chapter.

Neseah : "Hey, do you want to do roleplay sometime ?" "Yeah sure !"

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them ?

24/7 for the Nesean guys as of right now.

Hélianthe and Atropa I mostly think of when I'm writing them, since I've got a Lot of things down for them I don't feel the urge to rotate them every second anymore. That, and it's no longer a hyperfixation.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say ?

Is it a dreaded question ? I reply "Fantasy". That's the truth.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

You mean, this long ass list that should be updated with everyone from Neseah ?

Highlights include : Alan, Hélianthe, Atropa, Anne de Monthaut (I LOVE YOU ANNE), Valiandra (The Emperor - he has his own tags bc I think about him SO much), Benadryl (we love Ben).

Not included yet on the long list, but will be included shortly : Maran of Neseah, Nelvaren of Neseah. Insane wizard son and unhinged ghost father. Also Nadir, who's basically "what if Nelvaren was a 25 year old trans catboy". (if you're wondering, yes, Nelvaren's also trans.)

Who’s the most unhinged ?

I think probably Valiandra. Due to the Horrors.

That and also the fact that sometimes he is his own parent in increasingly fucked up ways.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write ?

Maran and Nelvaren - due to being roleplay characters, mostly ! Spontaneity and being able to Just Get Into It feels important to me to sling stuff back and forth.

Hélianthe goes also fairly smoothly because he's fucking ridiculous.

Do you ever cringe at them ?

(Side-eyeing Hélianthe) You could say I do, yes.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters ?

All and none at all.

Sometimes shit Just Happens and Just Makes Sense (Alan dramatically revealing stuff about his past, him being Margot in Le Prix du Sang). Other times, a character presents me with an idea, and I rotate it, and go, no. Most times I'm between putting them in situations to see what happens, and/or building from things I want to write about.

You gotta be able to reverse stuff you don't actually want in your writing.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters ?

Yes ! It's a lot of fun ! I don't get a lot of them and I'm 100% sure it's because I also don't send enough questions to others ! I want to get bettter at this tbh.

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account ?

If they seem nice !

What makes you decide against following ?

If I feel like I wouldn't vibe with them or their writing !

Do you interact with non-mutuals often ?

No. But that's because I don't go to the writeblr tags. Due to not being a writeblr.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle ?

@bitchfitch's Arlo lives in my mind rent-free. I need to throttle him so bad but also I want to have a nice day with him and braid his hair or something. I am very normal about this goat. Also Adonis. Every so often I'm just like man, I wonder what Adonis and Ione are up to right now.

@isabellebissonrouthier's Chrysanthemum Clawe - Chrys is so fucking funny. I didn't expect she'd be my favorite but she's a disaster and I love her so much.

@logarithmicpanda's [SPOILERS FOR HEART OF STONE THAT WOULD TAKE A WHOLE PARAGRAPH PROBABLY]. Besides it, there's Ordyr my best friend Ordyr, I want to go hang out with her. And Orion. Funniest little shit I've ever met I need to redraw that slurping the source image.

@jezifster SHADOW. And Veronica to some extent but she scares me, while Shadow just makes me laugh so hard I want to study him like a bug

[holocene-sims]

simblr new years resolutions 2024!

thank you @stargazer-sims so much for tagging me!! ❤️✨🌟

not sure who has done this one yet but i'll tag 💌 @seyvia @simmersofia @mangosimoothie @minty-plumbob @queeniecook @dandylion240 @mmmatchasims @thebramblewood @aheathen-conceivably @nectar-cellar @igglemouse & anyone who sees this and wants to do it!

honestly, i have never made a new years resolution in my life, so this is a fun exercise to try out for once!

what's your resolution for your simblr?

this is VERYYYYY ambitious but i want to fully complete the core "everything the stars promised" and move on to doing side content and MOST IMPORTANTLY the more loosey goosey fun epilogue :)

april 15th of this year will mark the second anniversary of the story! i've done so much and yet at the same time, so little in the grand scheme of the plot i have in mind. i randomly checked today to see how many pages on my blog the story takes up and we're at 31 pages! so, uh, about 15 pages a year - not sure if that's good progress or not but oh well! we are getting close to the extra exciting parts of the story, and i would love to finish it all up this year, you know? finish on a nice round even anniversary number and with a bunch of plot point bangers lolol

but we'll see! it's possible, maybe, since i'm graduating college this semester and will have more free time for a while, at least i as figure out the work situation and probably even while working whenever i do get a job since nightly homework will no longer exist LMAO, but even if it's not possible, i am definitely promising myself to work harder on the story! i really do love this thing despite it all and i'm proud of it, and i want to see how much i can keep improving it so that the ending is truly the best part <3

what do you want from the sims franchise?

a sale on kits lmfaoooo!!! (which will never happen) i have exactly 5 dollars left over from an old gift card someone gave me for ea app when it was still origin. it's exactly enough for a kit except that sales tax adds on 7 cents and the gift card leftovers don't cover that.

yeahhhh...i'm neither charging 7 cents for sales tax nor 5 bucks for a second kit to my credit card. no, ma'am. i want that shit for FREE

any other new years resolutions?

don't become incredibly depressed by the shock of leaving the school system after almost 23 years of life and the horrors of figuring out the whole...life and career...thing

lol this resolution will be broken

so, how about an achievable one? read more books and write more actual prose, whether for my sims story or for something else. i've been so burnt out from academia that it's all stopped being fun. like even my sims story has been such a drag to create because i just have zero desire to write, to work on the outline, or find inspiration.

and that really sucks. writing and reading have been a huge part of my life for so long and they mean a lot to me, but right now they do feel exhausting. i'm tired of looking at a word document and wanting to bash my head into the keyboard because it reminds me of writing project proposals and boring shit instead of good fiction.

but i'm hoping the freedom from academia will spark joy in my literary hobbies again, and i'm going to try and bring back my love for them myself :) not sure how but aside from finding a way to work on the sims story more, i'm thinking maybe i'll commit to trying out more short-form writing prompts.

[royaleofury]

☃A Glance at 2023

How are you all? In simple words, I want to take you to take a glance at what 2023 has for you. Each pile is divided in 3 sub sections: career/academics, love life and advice. Enjoy ☘️

How to Choose a Pile: Take a deep breath and choose the picture that you are most attracted to. Even after this, if you are not able to choose a picture, take 3 deep breath, and the picture on which your eyes land after opening it, that's your pile.

The pictures go from left to right ➥

By the time, 2023 arrives, if any of these messages resonate to you, feel free to drop an ask about it☘️Let's Go!!

❆ Pile 1

Career/Academics

Knight of cups and 10 of swords

Both the cards are indicating a truly different story. I guess, this pile has people carrying a totally different vibe, energy, etc. from each other. Those who are choosing this pile, may feel like this is not your reading but the energy here is so contrasting.

Moving on the with the reading, I am getting that if you are someone who is still in college/school/institutions, it will be a favourable period for you. There are lots of opportunities waiting for you in the upcoming year, especially lots of projects, like group projects and many solo projects too, but take care of one thing that if you are someone who takes the burden of the whole group project alone, then DO NOT DO IT! People may try to handover their workload to you, so be careful and refuse rightaway if such circumstances occur. Apart from that, I am also getting that many of you can change schools or colleges in 2023, you will meeting lots of new people and making some genuine good friends. There's a chance that you may become the "Miss/Mr popular".

If you are someone who has already completed their studies and looking for jobs, then trust me, it's a beautiful year for you. You will be getting ample of opportunities to work in different companies, and places. I see that some sort of connections that you have build in the past may help you in getting a job. This can resonate to most of you but there's also a section of people in this pile , who are already doing some sort of job but are drained and exhausted themselves to great extent. Some of them event want to change jobs, so if that's the case, change you jobs and heal yourself. Just take some time off and think what you really want to do and give it a thought. You do not need validation, ask yourself about how you are feeling and if you can continue being like this anymore. Refrain from taking advices from others because they will not be helping you much, rather they will just create more chaos.

Love life

The Fool and 10 of wands

As I told, this pile has so many contradictory messages, anyways. For some of you, there could be a new crush or you someone who happen to see for the first time and you develop some feelings for them. There's this blow of fresh feelings, I sense here. But , it may take you some time to realise your feelings for them and move on to the confession phase. You may act all giddy and naive around that person but refuse to acknowledge that there's some sort of connection between you two.

For others, if you are someone who works hard and doesn't give a damn about love and relationships but at the same time, wants a gf/bf, then you have to take out time for it. You just cannot ask someone to show interest in you when you all drowned in work all day long. You have to put efforts and let people know that you are looking for a serious long term relationship. Apart from them, I am also sensing that some of you, I mean very small section of people in this pile are already in relationship but are having trouble because either you or your partner are always busy and doesn't seem to put much efforts into the relationship. Either you talk it out or move on from the relationship because it's not benefitting you or the other person in any way. I am sorry to say but you are wasting time.

Advice

You need to bring balance and harmony in your life. Put equal efforts into those all things that you are passionate about. Be equally good to everyone and don't be biased towards one thing or person. If you are confused about something or having trouble in selecting a particular path, try to go on both the paths one by one to get a bit of idea as to what you are are comfortable with.

For some of you, there's another message that you don't need to worry about what's going to happen in the future. Just do you do everyday and leave everything to God/guides/ancestors. Just surrender to them and keep doing on what you do everyday. By worrying too much about future, you are failing to focus on what is important to you in the present. Everything will come to you when the right time comes.

❆ Pile 2

Career/Academics

Knight of swords and 5 of Pentacles

I am sensing that for some of you, next year will be a year where you have to face all sorts of obstacles, only for the best to come for you. You will come across lots of challenges, overnight work, etc. but you have to face them all with determination and dedication. You can even become class monitor/school head/college president/ etc. in the next year, if you want to pursue them. But the main focus is that you have to be brave and courageous, because good things will not come easily, there will be many lurking eyes around your success , but you have to grab them right and not let it go. Don't back down if you have already promised someone for something because it can make people hold grudges around you, which can create problems later on. I am also seeing lots of competitions and other programs being held next year in your college/school and I see you participating in them and even if you don't have any intentions of participating in them , then you should because there's a great chance of you developing your self confidence by doing such programs. It will be a great opportunity for you to make se memories through such competitions.

For those who are already doing some sort of business or jobs, it may not be that much of a good period of you all. You all, may lose job or there can be some sort of loss in your business. You may make some regretful decisions which can be harmful for both you and people around you. Therefore, you have to be careful as to what will be doing next. You may also make a hasty decision and leave a job, so think twice before making such decisions. Try to spend less money on items that are not needed as the moment. I was getting anxious with this part, so I decided to pull another card, and I got The World, therefore, you need to too worried about what I said above, just be careful and everything will turn out good. You may find people trying to advise you or lend you some help when you will need it the most.

Love life

Knight of cups and 7 of cups

Next year will bring new people and with that will bring new love interests. Someone very charming and creative will be coming towards you, leaving you in awe, because you will be all over this person. Fresh and lots of butterflies will be whirling in your stomach when you will see this person. You may feel like that THIS IS THE ONE FOR ME. Take things slowly and steadily and look out for red flags because the knight of cups is followed by 7 of cups. Everything may seem too good to be true because it is. You need to see if that person really deserves you or are they just playing with you because there's a tendency of you being blinded by love and not looking for any defaults in that person. Make decisions only after you have known everything about that person, there's no need to rush this moment.

For others, who are already in relationship, I see that there's something that you are forgetting to see or look out for. Something, very important and must! I pulled out another card for this one and I got 7 of wands. This can mean that you need to put healthy boundaries in your relationship. If your partner is invading your privacy or not respecting you in any way, by saying " THIS IS HOW A RELATIONSHIP IS", then you shouldn't go by what they say. You need to immediately stand up for yourself and let them know what you are comfortable with. Make them know what makes you comfortable. Do not get lured by what they think a relationship should be.

Advice

Don't be worried if you see others are better than you. You are good enough for yourself and for those who love you as you are. You don't need to prove your worth others again and again. Try enhancing your own skills instead of feeling insecure by others. You are never old to learn something. Everyday you learn something new and you become a student again. And one day, when you will accomplish all the skills that you wanted, you will be proud of yourself by looking at your journey.

For others, there's another message, give your body some rest and care because it deserves it. You have been overlooking your own health and repeatedly falling into the same pattern again and again and that's not healthy at all. You need let your soul get some fresh breathe, maybe try meditation and yoga and morning walks because they will seriously help you in some way or other.

❆ Pile 3

Career/Academics

Queen of swords and 5 of cups

Next year will be fruitful for you if you want to pursue higher studies related to law, tax , etc. You may have been little confused about what to pursue next but you have some ideas going on in your mind, thne you should execute them because they are right for you and will take you to the right path. I am sensing that you will be having great amount of self confidence on yourself and will feel like " THIS IS MY TIME AND NO ONE CAN DEFEAT ME". You know what you are doing and will continue doing things that will right for you and your friends. You may even get some sort of leadership position in your field of work or in your school/college, where you have to lead a group of people under you and guide them. You just have to be confident about yourself because queen of swords is being followed by 5 of cups indicating that you may lose everything the moment you start doubting your abilities. After which, you may regret a lot upon your past actions asking only if you could turn back time. Therefore, be careful and never doubt your actions. You are good as you are but never doubt that you will not be carry any sort of responsibility. The upcoming year can feel like a lightning to you all, like it started yesterday and ended today? Bizarre! Because you will have lots of things to do next year!

At the same, for a few of you, you may encounter a female who will above you in terms of age/authority. She will be very impressed with your work and may give you advise from time to time. You may also see her always complimenting and encouraging you from time to time because she genuinely feels you deserve them. May even help you financially ( only for very people here) but mostly, she will motivate you in some way or the other. You may even look upto her as if she is your role model in a way.

Love life

7 of wands and Hanged Man

This is telling me that many of you have high standards for your partners. High standards in a way where they seem unrealistic. You need to know that nobody can be perfect but two imperfect come together to make it perfect. Its like you want to be in relationship so badly but yet don't want to make yourself available since you already have high standards. Relationships are always hit and trial, not all of them will work out.

There's another message here, where you all are guarding yourself so much that it's giving the other person the message that you are not ready for any relationship. You are afraid of love and it's attachments but yet want it in some way or other way. For this, you need to need to let your guard down slowly by slowly and see others without any preconceived ideas about them.

Also, do not rush into any relationship. Take your time and let them take some time too. There's no need to take hasty decisions in matters related to love otherwise all your efforts may go into vain.

For people, who are already in relationship, and thinking that the relationship, is not benefitting or contributing anything in your life, then please walk out instead of wasting your energy. You all, need to really start focusing on your personal soul growth and do some healing instead of getting sucked by the other person. If better for both of you to take some time off from this relationship and start something new for the betterment of both of you.

Advice

It's ok to sometimes listen to others and let them lead you. Being too stubborn will only hamper you in the future. If you friends say that LETS GO TO THIS RESTAURANT, then go with them in that restaurant. Try becoming little less stubborn and you will see how life seems little less burdened. You always do not need to be the 1ST in everything and everywhere. It's ok to come in the second place.

There's another message, that, do not blindly trust someone, especially, your friends because I am not really getting good vibes for someone. There's a chance of you meeting some new friends through your mutual friends, but not all of them have good intentions, therefore, look out for things that seem suspicious at the very first glance.

Thank you for reading till here. See you again with another brand new post. 🕊️

[fragmentating]

I dont think I've seen many discussions of this project or the similar ones this author discusses in other articles on here yet, which really is a shame and I reccomend everyone read it especially if you, like me, sometimes struggle with being asked "so what are alternative ways of treating people in crisis"

Under the cut is some very personal ramblings about how I stumbled over this article and how it felt reading it for the first time in a fairly vulnerable state. Tw for abuse mentions, drugs, your fairly normal mad life shit. This is the most personal writing I have ever created on this overall topic, so I would really appreciate if any of you would give it your time of day, thanks..!

As an introduction I have to begin with this: I recently quit being a consumer. I was always a survivor, but I clung to anti psychotics for a couple years of adulthood because it felt preferable to the insomnia I'd find myself with without, and a nice little blanket of nothingness in the saved pills in those extra stressful moments. Whenever I'd quit, I'd come back sometime later again. Last time it was being desperate to quit getting excessively drunk every night. And the closed psych ward I checked myself into, because I genuinely was not capable of controlling my drinking at home in any way at all, starting me on seroquel once again. Neither helped me achieve sobriety long term (not really surprising to myself, but not the point of this, honestly). Rather I kept risking my health even more by consuming both on many nights after being back home. But the warnings sort of stop feeling real too. I mean, I've done this a few hundred times for sure by now. What really pushed me over the edge, was my tardive dyskenesia (tics) worsening and worsening, even after switching to another anti psychotic hoping itd stop the progression getting back on seroquel was causing. Sometimes they're painful. That's the worst. I was originally planning on trying another pill my friend had reccomended who was currently staying in rehab, hearing me lament my lack of sleep without this medication I didn't want anymore. he gave me the email address of the psych giving it to him that I could access through the outpatient services at the clinic for addiction by using the right keywords. It would've been easy.

But I never wrote that mail. Instead, after getting my last refill of Perazine, from that asshole psych who also misgendered me so aggressively and consequently, didnt matter that I legitimately already had changed my gender marker a year earlier... that refill was supposed to last me the next 3 months, and I halfheartedly tapered it off for 2 or 3 weeks. The thought of seeing his face again made me sick. This was now nearly exactly a month ago. I have felt no desire to write that email.

I didnt experience any of the common withdrawal symptoms I heard so much about, only after quitting completely, there was a very short bout of very confusing feelings, sensations, beliefs. The usual. I've been there, medicated or not. I made it through without reaching for a pill again. 3 days, max, then it was over. But suddenly I stopped sleeping, for up to 50 hours at a time. After about a week of that, I finally found someone online say insomnia can be a withdrawal symptom of quitting anti psychotics. I genuinely never heard of that before ? (But to be fair, maybe at some point I did, and the perazin and seroquel and others just made it drip off my longterm memory like teflon.) Either way, could it have been that every time I went running back for (sometimes way less bad) insomnia after quitting, it was actually fucking withdrawals? I thought I could probably keep this up for a few months until starting my new / first job. Unemployed people have an easier time staying up 50 hours at a time because we can simply collapse into bed at 9am after those and sleep all day. By now I'm mostly down to 30 hours at a time. Theres issues still, sure, but the quick progress is making me excited. I might never sleep perfectly normal, but at this point, I'd take that any day over daily substances.

What happened exactly, aside from the insomnia? I ran out of my weed a couple weeks earlier. Lost my hookup at the same time, so I decided, you know what, let me just not get something for a while, I'm not in the mood to look for something new rn. I was still drinking weekly with friends, but then they got sick for a while, and I only got drunk by myself once or twice that entire time. and somehow realized it wasnt actually my favorite alone-time substance anymore, that was weed. But I didn't have weed. So I just tried. And tried. And it mostly worked out. I stopped thinking about it. Had a small run in with cough syrup we dont talk about. And then I quit the perazine. I was terrified. This was the thing keeping all the other cravings at bay, right? It didnt make sense. I hadn't been "unmedicated" for more than a few weeks since the last 8 years. If I was out of pills, I'd turn to weed or alcohol or both. But nothing really happened this time. Because I stopped running from my feelings.

Slowly I started noticing it. There were so many things I was suddenly reacting to emotionally. Joy, pain, grief, connection, ... I never thought of myself as particularly numb before, but in comparison? It's hard to describe. It felt like every day further into getting off the perazine I felt more like myself. But how did I know it was me? It was someone I had never met before. I hadn't met adult me, ever. All I knew was abused kid me, abused teen me. It was me because now I felt alive in every little thing. Suddenly insomnia feels a lot less awful when you're having it by yourself, someone so novel but comforting. But with good emotions come bad. Suddenly I was crying curled up in a ball about memories from my most traumatic first institutionalization as a teen that I used to talk about like it was a fun little anecdote. There I felt it. "Go take one of your pills. 100m should probably be enough, maybe 150?" I wish I could say I did something super healthy. But I went for a cigarette cause I was really craving one, the breakdown had sort of delayed my usual midnight smoke. That turned into looking at the stars with music on my headphones for a bit. Back in bed I actually had forgotten about the pills again. Instead I opened up Google and typed in "psych abuse survivor". I was looking for something akin to a forum, I believe. But Nothing, really. A few term definitions on Wikipedia. Im no stranger to this internet search. And internet searches about anti psychiatry, anti psychotics, drug interactions, the name of the place I was institutionalized at. Every couple months I check if someone finally burned it down. And About to give up I saw the link to this article. And I opened it. Newly me, newly free to feel, really feel.

It was intriguing at first. I teared up a little a few times. Nothing major or surprising for my newfound emotional range. Then I got to the part where he talks about holding people, after they were allowed to freely let out their pent up rage, anger, manic energy, whatever it was, just let it out, all out. And theyd slowly come out of the (UNLOCKED) room (THAT THEY WERE ALLOWED TO LEAVE AT ANY POINT) after a few hours, and they would be hugged. And often they would start crying. Sometimes violently. And they would hold them lovingly, sometimes multiple of them, until the persons sobs trailed off into sniffles, into nothing. As I finished the sentence it broke out of me in a same way. Theres silent tears running down my cheeks writing this right now. But last night ? I was wailing. Sounds I had not heard from myself, ever. Not the night my grandmother passed. Not the nights I recalled sexual abuse, recalled my violent father, recalled my peers universally rejecting me for the freak I was, as I laid in my basement next to baggies of weed and xtc, as i sat in the bathroom watching blood go down the drain.

Suddenly it wasn't just the abuse in the ward that hurt. The memories of seeing tiny harm- and powerless kids strapped down and tied up, older boys injected and carried off, alarms blaring, keys turning in locks, a haze of benzos that made everything blur together, being watched as you shower, watched as you sleep. Dragged out of your room screaming. What hurt me so much I was wailing like never before was the love I needed, but never got when I needed it the most. I needed to be held as I cried. I dont think I have been held as I cried since I was 9 years old. I have been gawked at, yelled at, ignored and stepped over as I laid on the floor, walked past in public, threatened, locked up.

But I have not once been held.

[deusvervemakesgames]

Project RBH Devlog 0037

New Year New Devlog.

First of all, housekeeping. I have unfortunately made the difficult decision to leave my retail job, which has left my finances somewhat unstable again. My dignity isn’t so fragile that it would hurt me to beg. If you like what I’m doing here with Project RBH or are a fan of my writing, I’d appreciate even a dollar a month on my Patreon.

Leaving my job means that I do have more free time to put towards game development and writing, and I’ve already made some progress on the project.

First up, I’ve optimized the damage script a little. I don’t get enough feedback from you guys to know if it was causing any problems, and my computer could handle it fine, but it’s better to optimize than not. And, if you remember, I had problems in the past where shooting the wrong object would crash the game because the damage script was attempting to run code that was only in the enemy objects? This optimization has completely resolved that issue moving forwards. This includes things like Damage Numbers, which no longer appear when you shoot a wall.

I also added a bit of polish to the bullets. Now, when a bullet vanishes—either because it hit a wall or because it’s stuck around too long—it creates a little ‘pop’ particle effect. It genuinely amazes me how much this small change improves the feel of the game.

You also might recall that I was working on drones that passively follow the player and can each have unique behavior? And that I was trying to figure out a good way to make them all follow the player in a way that looked good? Well I solved it. It’s a very simple bit of code, all things considered. I pick an origin point at the center of the player sprite and then rotate the drone around that point. The tricky part was evenly spacing the drones around the player, regardless of how many there are. Luckily I’m a genius, so I figured out that I could divide 360 by the number of drones there are, and use that to set each drones’ initial position, which spaces them perfectly. So long as the player doesn’t somehow get an extra drone mid-level.

Speaking of which, there’s a strange bug where sometimes the game spawns in an extra drone and I haven’t figured out why that’s happening yet. Especially since it spawns this drone in the same position as another drone instead of spacing it with the others. Game Development!

The other thing I did was more of a balance thing. I halved the player’s fire rate to make each shot more impactful, and to make each upgrade more meaningful.

Speaking of balancing, I need to think about that. A lot. See, I don’t know how many enemies I want to throw at the player in the final build. A whole army of hundreds? Only a few per room? And I need to figure out if and how the player can heal. Right now the only way to do it is with the Heal On Crit upgrade, but that’s… weak. It gives Crit builds more power over other builds.

So I need to debate. Passive healing upgrades? Do enemies randomly drop healing items? Do I make the player choose between upgrading their bullets or restoring health?

Much to consider.

Until next Devlog!

-DeusVerve

Special thanks to my $7 Patrons, Haelerin and CHR15T05!

Support me on Patreon to get Early Access to builds!

[earthnashes]

I got very longwinded so I put the rest under the Read More. But TL;DR of this post:

-Once my current queue is done, I will be taking an indefinite hiatus from accepting commissions. There will be exceptions in the form of sporadic specials and Patreon-exclusive slot openings.

-There will be a “final hurrah” special I will very likely hold for maybe a month before that hiatus comes into play. Will be the final time I will accept commissions before hiatus.

-Hiatus will be spent focused on personal projects, overall art improvement, and content creation. I miss making headcanons as often as I did, man. ;w;

-Hiatus will, at most, last for the rest of 2023. More likely, though, it’ll last for a few months, but regular commissions will return with certainty uwu

So ye! :)

But if you want the long version...

This week is Deload week for training before my PR tests, which means I am taking a recovery period from weightlifting before I go back to hit them goal numbers hard as I can. And with it comes a coincidental introspective on my career as a freelance artist so far.

When May rolls around, it’d be 4 years since I quit my day job and took on commissions as my official primary means of income, and making my art my near entire source of income. I’ve definitely taken commissions long before that, but it was very much both amateur and part-time for the most part with my focus being elsewhere: either on school, or a job.

4 years of being able to independently live on my own thanks to the support I receive from everyone is more than I can ask for. But it is also a decent amount of time to be drawing for others!

Lemme counter that though by saying I’m not actually sad or upset about it or like. Need any sort of condolences or anything of that sort. Quite the contrary; I love doing commissions! Money is a factor in it, yeah, I’d be a fucking liar if it wasn’t; I have to eat and pay those pesky bills to make art. But a large part of why I love commissions is because I very much enjoy drawing for people. To me, being given a commission is being given the permission and trust to handle a small fragment of the person with care. I’m given a glimpse into who the person is, what they like, what stories they have to tell. So I try to give them my best foot forward and produce a piece they’ll enjoy. I personally find the entire process of creating for others very sweet and fun and it makes me happy that I’m allowed the honor of drawing for someone. :)

But through a lot of trial and error I’ve also come to remember how much I enjoy drawing for myself too, and how much I miss it. I don’t really draw for myself much anymore. I don’t really have the time to, mainly, but that’s largely my own doing. Past rookie stumbles biting me in the ass, living and learning. ;w; But I’m only bringing it up now because I am finally getting fucking close to finishing the queue I have, and with it comes the decision of taking an indefinite hiatus away from taking commissions.

The hiatus will at minimum be a couple of months, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to take it for the rest of the year. Got a lot of plannin’ to do if I intend on taking it that long! One such thing is doing a “last hurrah” special. The commissions will have to be simple and small so I don’t like, destroy myself in the process, but the idea is to take as many simplistic commissions as I can before I go into hiatus. It’ll be the official final time I’ll accept orders on mass before it’ll become very sporadic at best, at least until I bring the hiatus to an end.

Another is finally making an official store front for merch. Already have ideas of what I’d offer; most of them will be small and relatively cheap, and others would be like P2U designs and refs you could use for OCs ;w;

Lastly is more time spent on energy toward my Patreon and streaming; more early access, more character requests, more comics, so on and so forth. uwu

---

But ye! In closing, I’m just lettin’ my brain do the big think and I wanted to let ya’ll know the basic going’s on. As such, as you can imagine I will likely not be terribly active with art posting for the next few weeks ;w; I’ll still be around if you have questions and what not, but ye! Sorry for talking you ear off, and if you made it this far, you should treat yourself no cap. Thank you so much everyone, I’ll talk to ya soon! owo