#but when I’m not you will feel misery n I really don’t ever resort to that but I had no choice and like all that anger was poisoning me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tpwkjerii · 4 years

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fool’s mate

there’s only one way to lose a game of chess in two moves, and hwang hyunjin managed to figure out how to (subtly) steal your heart with exactly two moves.

pairing: student!hyunjin x student!reader

warnings: fluff, some cursing, y/n likes reading & books, y/n is kinda a teachers pet, y/n is kinda mean, hyunjin is a simp

genre: high school au, fluff, minor angst if you squint, kinda enemies to lovers and fools to lovers

word count: 4.1k+

a/n: first hyunjin fanfic pls enjoy loves!! also a big happy birthday to hyunjin! send him some love if you can :’) xx

Hwang Hyunjin was an asshole. Or at least he was in your eyes.

Why he decided to bother you every morning without fail? You didn’t know. Usually, you brushed it off in favor of talking to your friend Mina, but this morning you couldn’t. Why?

His clumsy ass spilled warm coffee on your white uniform blouse. Now you were sure he didn’t mean to do it on purpose since he never resorted to any physical annoyance, but after the morning you had (let’s just say you shared some rather unsavory words with your project group members), you could only place the harsh blame on him.

You cursed at the same time he apologized, shooting up from your seat with dark brown coffee dripping down your shirt and onto the table.

“I’m so sorry! Really! Sorry!” Hyunjin said frantically, his hands desperately grabbing onto napkins and awkwardly pressing them onto your chest as a futile attempt to pat away the mess.

“Really? You’re sorry?” you huffed, extremely agitated. To make matters worse, everyone was watching your interaction with Hyunjin, and they were all laughing.

Who were they to laugh at your misery? Even Mina was stifling a laugh! Your friend Mina!

“I meant to give the coffee to you and I tripped over your bag! I didn’t see it I swear!” Hyunjin explained, although it did nothing to calm you down. He faltered over his words when his fingers accidentally brushed against the exposed part of your chest, and you ignored the way it made your heart skip, instead choosing to verbally attack him again.

“You expect me to believe that, Hyunjin?” you exhorted dryly, watching as his long black hair shook rapidly while he nodded.

“Yes because it’s true!” he cried, shrivelling inside when you only scoffed and pushed him away.

Your teacher coughed awkwardly once Hyunjin returned to his seat, gathering everyone’s attention. Well, everyone except Hyunjin, who was staring at you like a kicked puppy.

“___, why don’t you take a trip to the nurse’s office, I’m sure she has an extra shirt for you,” your teacher instructed you, sympathy evident in her voice.

Your face burned red as you nodded and stood up, hating the way everyone looked at you and your coffee soaked shirt. Damn Hwang Hyunjin. You all but ran out of the classroom, and left just as Han Jisung leaned over to Hyunjin and said, “I told you she wouldn’t like the coffee.”

Thankfully, you ended up getting a new (and clean) shirt from the nurse, and you were in a much better mood once lunch hour arrived. Everything was going well as you walked out into the courtyard with Mina. You had your lunch in one hand and drink in the other, ready to replenish yourself after long hours of boring class. In the moment, you thought that the worst of your day was truly over.

But, of course, you were a fool to think that you could ever have a truly good day.

Hyunjin and his group of friends walked up to you, their own drinks and foods in hand. Instinctively, you put a hand up, saying as he approached, “If you’re thinking about spilling another drink on me, don’t.”

At your snarky comment, Hyunjin winced and his shoulders visibly sunk. The sight was so sad it almost made you feel bad for him. Almost.

“It was an accident! It really was!” Hyunjin defended himself weakly, obviously ready to continue but stopped when one of his friends - Seungmin, you recognized - cleared his throat and elbowed him. With Seungmin’s interruption, Hyunjin remembered why he approached you in the first place, and his entire demeanor shifted. His shoulders lifted, chest popped out, and an effortlessly beautiful smile took over his face.

Looking unimpressed, you gestured at him to continue. “I don’t have all day, Hyunjin.”

He nodded, and confidently asked, “___, how do you feel about accompanying me to Yellow Wood Cafe after school?”

You furrowed your brows at his proposition and stifled a laugh at the way his friends reacted to his request. If you looked closely, you could see Felix mutter “that’s not how we practiced.”

“As much as I would love to go and get another coffee spilled on me,” you started dryly, and Hyunjn visibly deflated as he realized you would never let that go, “I have Book Club after school.”

At that, Hyunjin’s face contorted into one of confusion. He swore he double - no he triple checked that you would be able to go today. According to the club website and a trusted source, Book Club wasn't supposed to meet again until next week.

“I thought we weren’t going to meet until next week?” Seungmin asked, thankfully voicing Hyunjin’s concerns. Although it wasn’t because Seungmin could read Hyunjin’s mind, but because Seungmin (aka trusted source) was also in Book Club.

You nodded at Seungmin, and Hyunjin ignored the jealousy he felt when you smiled at his friend, informing him of the board meeting that the club was having.

Hyunjin slapped himself internally. He forgot you were the vice president of Book Club. How could he forget such a crucial detail?

Seungmin nodded in response, and you took the newfound and rather awkward silence among the group as the chance to leave. “Sorry, Hyunjin. I won’t be able to make it today,” you said with a twinge of actual sympathy.

Once you were gone, Hyunjin sadly walked away, his friends in tow. As they sat down at their usual table, a light bulb emerged and lit up in Hyunjin’s mind. He had a plan.

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin started, effectively capturing his friend’s attention, “you play chess, right?”

Seungmin nodded, sarcastically stating, “I’ve only been in Chess Club for two years.”

Hyunjin grinned, “I know I know. Anyways, what’s that one thing called? The one where you can win a game of chess in only two moves?”

“Fool’s mate?”

“Yes!” Hyunjin exclaimed, now having the attention of his entire table (and directly surrounding ones). “I know how to woo Y/N with only two moves.”

“Who uses the word woo anymore?” Jeongin said, his face scrunched into a grimace. “And how exactly do you plan on doing that when she hates you?”

Hyunjin frowned at his younger friend. “She doesn’t hate me. And it’ll be simple, just listen…”

Move 1: King’s Pawn to E5 — Avoid Y/N (“absence makes the heart grow fonder or some shit like that, right?” - jisung someone)

Expected Response: Y/N will start to realize that she actually likes Hyunjin and his presence.

4 days.

It had been 4 days since Hyunjin last talked to you. Were these arguably the best 4 days of your life? Absolutely.

No coffee spills. No obnoxious locker slamming (yes, Hyunjin had the locker next to yours). No yelling across the classroom. Just pure, unadulterated peace.

But you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were missing something. Did you know what that certain something was? Yes. Did you want to admit it? Fuck no. There was no way you actually missed Hyunjin’s presence, no way.

As you walked into the classroom again, your eyes reflexively darted to the corner where Hyunjin and his friends always sat. As usual, Hyunjin was sitting on the table with Felix at his side, Jisung and Seungmin were sitting in their seats, and Jeongin was leaning against Seungmin’s shoulder. Normally, Hyunjin would see you enter, shout your name, and gesture for you to sit by him.

However, it’s been nearly a week since the last time he did that. The first day, it was a relief to not have the entire room’s attention on you at 7:50 AM. Now, it was slightly irking.

For a split second, as you walked to your seat, you made eye contact with Hyunjin; and for a second, you thought everything was about to return to normal. But instead of calling you out like you thought, he looked completely past you and waved at the person behind you.

It took almost all of your control to maintain a neutral expression and not turn around to see just who that person was.

Begrudgingly, you set your school bag down on your table and sat down in your assigned seat. With two minutes before the bell, Jeongin runs out of your classroom to go to his and Mina walks in to take her seat next to you.

“What’s got you so upset?” she asked, faux innocence laced in her voice and a knowing look in her eyes. Mina caught on easily two days ago when you accidentally let slip a hurt expression when Hyunjin ignored your greeting.

“Shut up,” you muttered, hearing her stifled laugh as you took out your notebooks.

Luckily, your first few classes passed by rather quickly. For once, your groupmates actually contributed and spared you the trouble of doing all the work. Soon enough, it was lunch period, and you and Mina found yourselves walking to your usual lunch spot.

As you approached your unofficially-claimed bench in the courtyard, you eyed Hyunjin’s unusually quiet table. On a normal day, they would all be very loud (at this point, everyone knew what Jeongin’s scream sounded), but today they were hunched over the table in what appeared to be a deep discussion.

With this newfound silence, you could actually hear the wind rustling the trees and the light chirps of the birds. It was relaxing and peaceful, exactly as you thought lunch should be. For a second, you let a smile grace your face and forgot about how you missed Hyunjin’s constant annoying presence.

Of course, good things can never last long for you because soon enough, it was too relaxing. The birds’ light chirps became annoyingly loud and the blowing wind just became an inconvenience as your hair kept flying into your face regardless of how you angled yourself. And then, as if the clouds opened up and shined a ray of the heavens onto the planet, you heard his laugh.

The laugh, which you previously associated with pure anger, filled you with a surprising warmth. Any negative words you had for mother nature fell silent on your tongue as you shifted your gaze to look at Hyunjin. You watched as he tilted his head back, a harmonious laugh erupting from his throat as his eyes crinkled into beautiful half moons.

You found yourself hypnotized by him as he calmed down and leaned back, running his hands through his long, black hair with a content expression on his attractive face...

You stiffened as he turned and met your gaze. Hoping that he didn’t see the intense blush on your face (he totally did), you quickly looked away and grabbed Mina’s arm, effectively startling her.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Mina asked, slightly choking on her lunch as you rushed her to stand up. “You didn’t even touch your food!” the disgruntled girl continued as you dragged her away.

“I-it doesn’t matter,” you stuttered, praying for the heat across your face to go away. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Well I haven’t,” Mina muttered.

“Mina,” you started, whirling around to stop both of you in your tracks once you were out of the courtyard and in an empty hallway. She looked at you expectantly, her feet tapping impatiently. “This is an emergency,” you stressed.

Mina looked both unimpressed and concerned. With raised eyebrows, she asked, “Emergency meaning what, exactly? Do you need me to take you to the nurse?”

You groaned and looked down at your feet in embarrassment. Raising your hands to your face, you sighed as you mumbled, “I… I think I like Hyunjin.”

Pretending that she couldn’t hear you and deciding to make you more miserable than you already were, Mina held back her laugh and said, “You what? I didn’t quite hear that.”

Suppressing a loud groan, you begrudgingly repeated, “I think I like Hyunjin,” a hard annunciation following each word.

“Ah,” Mina laughed. “I thought so. We all did.”

You shot up, making direct eye contact with the girl in front of you. “What do you mean?” you asked, your eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Mina laughed again, saying, “You know, you’re pretty blind sometimes.” With that, she started walking away, only picking up her pace when you started following after her.

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” you shouted after her, groaning internally as she broke into a full on sprint.

Move 2: Queen to H4 — Invade Indirectly spend more time with Y/N by attending the same activities (“but hyunjin you hate readi - ” “shut up jeongin”)

Expected Response: Y/N will realize that she loves doing stuff with Hyunjin and will like him more.

“You joined Book Club?” you asked the long-haired newcomer, trying to control the shakiness in your voice and thanking god that you were sitting or else your weak knees would betray you.

Hyunjin nodded, a beautiful smile spreading across his face. “Seungmin,” he paused, pointing to Seungmin, who waved from the door, “suggested that I pick up a new extracurricular.”

You raised your eyebrow pointedly. “And you chose Book Club?”

He nodded proudly, hoping that he didn’t appear as nervous as he felt inside.

“Hyunjin,” you sighed, and he ignored how the way you said his name made his heart feel like it was about to collapse after a marathon, “the only books I have ever seen you read were all for class.”

“And they were all great!” he lied through his teeth, but painted on fake enthusiasm in hopes of convincing you. Evidently, it worked as your confused gaze dropped and you shrugged.

“If Seungmin thinks you’ll enjoy it then I guess you’re free to join us today,” you told him, your voice soft and lacking the usual bite it had when you talked to Hyunjin. Your gentle tone shocked everyone in the room, who all expected you to kick Hyunjin out instantly and permanently ban him from the back library office the club met in once every two weeks.

“Oh,” he said, his lips parting in shock and his heart pounding wildly as you gestured for him to take the empty seat next to Seungmin. “Thank you,” Hyunjin managed to breathe out, turning around to walk towards the open seat with a hand dramatically clenched over his chest.

“Alright,” the sound of your voice again startled Hyunjin, who barely sat down. You stood up from your seat, a book in hand and a friendly smile on your face. “Hopefully everyone finished the last book, which was recommended by Sunwoo,” you announced, smiling as you lifted up the book 1984 and gestured kindly towards Sunwoo, a boy in your class.

Hyunjin ignored the twinge of jealousy as you nonverbally praised Sunwoo for his book choice. He could choose nice books to read, too.

“Usually Joon leads the discussion,” you continued, and Hyunjin recognized the advanced Literature TA’s name, “but seeing as both him and Haechan aren’t here, I’ll be leading the discussion for today!”

Hyunjin felt his heart swell at the proud grin on your face as you talked about your passions. To be honest, he hated reading and would prefer to be at the dance studio with Felix for extra practice, but being here with you made him quickly forget about those two things. He would read 1000 books if it meant he got to spend more time with you.

In the front, you animatedly led the discussion, willing yourself to not stare at Hyunjin and lose your train of thought. It was harder than you thought it would be to ignore the way he casually ran his hands through his hair and how he pushed up the sleeves of his uniform shirt. It was enough to make you both curse and thank Seungmin for bringing him today.

After ten long minutes of discretely ogling Hyunjin while attempting to lead the discussion on a book you barely managed to finish in time, you were finally able to sit down. Everyone else was deep in conversation, and mostly everyone had their attention off you. Key word: most.

Hyunjin kept an unreadable gaze on you while, shockingly, participating in the group discussion. Your eyes clashed with his, and you found yourself struggling to breathe properly as he mentioned his favorite part of the book.

“When Winston and Julia realized they liked each other and took the risk to be together.”

At his words, your breath stopped. The intense gaze he held on you and the slight shakiness in his voice led you to assume that Hyunjin was feeling the same way as you, and that his sentence was just a shove — a way of indirectly putting his feelings into the air. You knew that your relationship wouldn’t be nearly as risky as the two characters’ of 1984 and that you and Hyunjin were far from the two, but somehow, Hyunjin’s words managed to excite you.

Was it a risk to open your heart up to the person who used to annoy you to no end? Was it a risk to like someone at all? Years of building walls and pushing people away were crumbled by a beautiful boy with a smile that took your breath away. You didn’t know what this meant for you, but one thing was for sure: for once, you hoped that Hyunjin didn’t stop hanging around.

Soon enough, Book Club was over, and you all but ran out of the library. With your backpack securely on, you put in your earphones and began the usual walk to Yellow Wood Cafe. It was a usual tradition to meet Mina, who was really your only friend now that you were thinking about it, after Book Club to do homework and eat together.

With music playing loudly in your ears, you failed to notice Hyunjin and Seungmin behind you; conveniently, both of them were also headed to the Cafe to visit their friend who worked there. Or, at least Seungmin was — Hyunjin had an ulterior motive.

After a short eight minute walk, which was all taken up with you screaming internally over your newfound feelings for Hyunjin, you arrived at the bright storefront. Through the decorated glass walls, you saw Mina sitting at your usual table, her neck craned down to copy notes. You walked into the store with a happy smile and headed straight for the empty seat across your friend.

As you set your bag down, Mina looked up, and her smile turned into a mischievous grin when she moved slightly to the side to see the familiar faces that entered behind you.

“What are you looking at?” you asked, your brows furrowed together as you turned around.

You recognized him instantly and you quickly whipped around, hoping he didn’t see that (he definitely did). “Oh my god,” you whispered, your eyes wide in panic, “I can’t believe he followed me.”

“Follow?”

You inhaled sharply, hesitantly turning around and gasping when you saw how close Hyunjin was standing to you. His head was craned down to look at you, and there was barely a foot between your faces.

“___, I didn’t follow you. My friend works here and I wanted to pay him a visit,” he told you, waving to the guy behind the counter as his evidence.

“Oh,” you dumbly responded, your voice uncharacteristically shaky. “Well, I take my words back.” You subtly cleared your throat and turned back around, hoping your face didn’t appear as warm as it felt.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, causing you to stiffen slightly, and asked, “Want a drink? My treat.”

“N-no thanks,” you managed to reply, internally cursing at the stutter. How did Hyunjin somehow manage to completely dissolve your composure?

You didn’t even get to think about the answer to your question as Hyunjin said, “I insist. You usually get a Jasmine Green Tea with boba, right?”

“How do you know my or -”

“Hey Changbin, can I get a Jasmine Green Tea with boba and a Brown Sugar Milk Tea with boba?”

You watched as Hyunjin inserted his card into the chip reader and took it out, the receipt proof that he really did get you a drink.

“Er - thanks,” you mumbled as he approached, feeling incredibly awkward. By now, Mina had moved to talk to Seungmin since they shared the same math class, but you didn’t miss the way they eyed you and Hyunjin.

If any of your awkwardness was showing, Hyunjin chose to ignore it as he seemed as cool as ever. “No problem,” he said, his hands moving together to clasp each other tightly. “Since I got you a drink,” he started, his voice wavering slightly, “I was wondering if we could talk? Just for a few moments?”

Your eyes widened and you felt your heart pick up its pace. “Just us two?” you asked, your voice mirroring your shock.

With his nod, you slowly walked towards an empty table with him and awkwardly sat down at one of the sides. You kept your gaze firmly on the white table in fear of looking up and losing what was left of your composure. Silence prevailed for a few seconds until Hyunjin spoke.

“I know that we haven’t been on the best terms the past year,” he started, and you nodded at his true statement. “I did a lot of things that I didn’t realize really bothered you -” you thought back to the amount of times he would purposely distract you in class and randomly hug you when he was sweaty from dance or swim practice.

“- but I really did those things you get your attention,” he paused, causing you to look up just as he looked down bashfully, “which didn’t work out too well when I really thought about it. And I know that now you probably think I’m annoying -” your breath hitched and you stopped yourself from blurting out ‘not anymore’ “- but I still want to let you know how I feel.”

He looked up, and the genuineness in his eyes made your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest. “I…” he weakly started, “I don’t know if anything changed how you felt this week but I know that I’ve liked you since you stood up for me last year.”

Right, you thought back to the time when you and Hyunjin were mere classmates (basically strangers) and you defended him from an older student. You couldn’t stand to see them abuse their authority as your elder (by only one year too), and decided to use your influence as a teacher’s pet to teach him a lesson. It was safe to say that Hyunjin was never bothered after that.

“After that I just wanted to be around you more,” Hyunjin continued, “but you usually kept your distance from people and I was stupid and couldn’t think of better ways to get your attention than annoy you.” The long-haired boy in front of you was blushing now, and his hands were clasped together so tightly you had to fight the urge to reach out with your own and relax him.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I’d really appreciate it if you gave me the chance and allowed me to take you out on a date -”

“Yes,” you said instantly. But Hyunjin, amidst the panic of his mind, seemed to hear something else as his face immediately fell and he instantly moved to stand up.

“I guess I expected that - wait, yes?” He plopped back down on his seat ungracefully, shock absorbing his features as if a light had turned on in his brain and properly registered what you said.

You nodded, a bright red blush staining your cheeks. “Yes, you can take me out on a date, Hyunjin.”

“Is this a dream?” Hyunjin asked, the shock still clear on his face as he held back an excited smile.

You shook your head with a small laugh. “Nope, completely real life, I’m afraid,” you answered, gently pinching his hand for extra emphasis.

Hyunjin broke into a large grin and moved to cover your hands with his own. “I’ve dreamed about this moment,” he shyly admitted with a bashful blush that slowly spread across his face, “and I didn’t think you’d ever say yes.”

You took a second to admire his smile and how his eyes seemed to shine even in the cafe’s fluorescent lighting. Hyunjin really did have the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

“I’m curious,” you started slowly after collecting yourself. He nodded, a silent gesture to continue. “Was this a plan? The past week, it felt different, and that’s how I started to realize…” you paused, a blush spreading across your face, “I liked you.”

Hyunjin’s smile never faltered, and he tightened his grip around your hands as he asked, “have you ever played chess?”

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nightshade-minho · 4 years

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MOONSTORM [ iii ]

You know that feeling when you know you’ve made a terrible mistake?

Yes. That feeling.

It’s a feeling that never really goes away. You had to learn that the hard way.

Irrevocable actions, stupid mistakes. You were heart-wrenchingly familiar with all of it.

To err was human apparently. You...weren’t human, though.

It seems like being superhuman was insignificant, after all. At the end of the day, nothing mattered. None of your powers did.

Despite it all, you still lost him.

warnings: depressing shit (it gets better though dw) mentions of death, violence, sexual content, future smut

wc: 2.8k

moonstorm masterlist

It felt like the world had lost all color.

It had happened so many months ago, and yet it still felt like it happened just yesterday. The memories of stumbling out of his lair, covered in his blood and your tears, still fresh in your mind.

The image of his face, betrayed and yet so calm as he uttered those last words to you...it haunted you constantly.

You found yourself looking at the moon every night, dreaming about what could have been. The nightmares endlessly plagued your sleep as well, causing you to fear even your own bed.

No...even after Hyunjin's effects on you wore off, your own brain took on the responsibility of torturing you by conjuring up more heartbreaking dreams. Dreams which made you long for something you knew you’d lost forever- never to be yours again.

You never truly realized how much you’d gotten used to having him around. Life was so glaringly empty and meaningless without him. It was a complicated relationship…and yet it still left a giant hole in you. An all-encompassing despair that threatened to swallow you up.

With him gone, it just didn’t feel right to be a superhero anymore. How could you be the strong role model for everyone in the city to rely on when you knew just how weak you’d become? Even when the newspapers were covered with your heroics, even as the mayor addressed the city and expressed his desire to give you a medal for stopping yet another supervillain from roaming the streets- you stubbornly refused to don that costume ever again.

You stayed hidden through it all. You just couldn’t bring yourself to go out in public anymore. Your vigilante costume lay forgotten in the back of your closet- crumpled and sad.

It just...felt wrong. At the moment you felt nothing but pathetic. You didn’t have time to waste saving a snotty kitten stuck on a tree or stop a petty criminal from robbing a bank- all you were fit to do was eat ice cream straight from the can, and watch a soulless movie. The same routine, day in and day out. You hadn’t left your apartment in nearly a month, not even to buy groceries. Every second was spent wrapped up in blankets, pondering what you’d done.

Was that selfish of you? Probably. You were discovering new flaws by the second.

Sighing, you sat up a little, your ass almost numb from how long you’d spent lying down. Glancing up, you saw your father’s portrait looking down at you. You swallowed and slowly stood up from your bed, groaning to yourself. Why did he suddenly seem so disappointed?

Maybe a little bit of fresh air is what you needed, considering you were starting to believe the paintings were changing expressions. After all, you had work to do anyway- might as well take advantage of the nearby café’s free WiFi.

***

Here at last.

You sat down in the corner of the café, so tired you could barely move a muscle. But you had to get a move on with your life- the recovery should have happened by now.

And yet here you were, months later. Nothing seemed to be able to fill the hole he left behind, and even now you wished you could go back home as soon as possible.

Had it...had it been a mistake?

Of course it had. Your misery was evidence, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could convince yourself that you’d done it for the good of the city.

The truth was... Hwang Hyunjin scared you.

He made you feel things, made you want to be someone else entirely. Every ounce of rigidity and austerity you’d imposed in yourself disappeared every time you were with him. He made you want to give everything up- give up all the responsibilities and burdens you carried on your shoulders to be with him. To be like him- free.

It wasn’t Hyunjin who was a threat to the city. No, not directly.

It was you- or rather the lack of you.

This city needed you to survive, and if Hyunjin managed to change you...it surely wouldn’t have lasted long without your help. Hyunjin had never really been the city’s biggest threat- there were far worse villains and it was them who you really fought against.

He was more of just an inconvenience, someone you had to deal with from time to time. And then he’d struck that deal- after which the nature of your relationship had turned into something entirely different.

Every time he acted up, it was usually just a ploy to get your attention. And attention was exactly what he got. You’d reinforced his behavior like an idiot.

You told yourself it was a chore, but it wasn’t all that convincing. You’d loved spending those nights in his bed, loved the way he was an expert at making you come undone with his body and his words.

It really had seemed like a good idea at the time. The right thing to do. However, it was quickly starting to seem like anything but.

You sighed as your mind tried its best not to travel back all those months. Dipping a teabag into the liquid, you mindlessly observed the customers in the cafe. Many of them were young, teenagers who were heading out before class.

You sighed as you recalled your own high school days, the times Hyunjin and you had hung out in a cafe much like this one.

“You don’t have to help me with this project, you know.”

“Ah, shush. It’s our final year. I’m not going to leave you alone.” He smiled as he flipped through his books, taking a sip of his coffee occasionally.

“You act like you’re not sticking to me like white on rice the rest of the year.” You roll your eyes, chuckling to yourself.

“Don’t get snippy with me, missy.” He smirked, still thumbing the pages nonchalantly. “Or I’ll have to punish you.”

“You- I- what?” You wouldn’t admit it, but the thought caused a fluttering sensation in more than one place. It was a little bit of a shock, considering the two of you had done nothing more than make out and flirt, until now.

“Chill. I’m kidding.” He shook his head, looking up at you. “Unless…” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Stop it! I’m supposed to be working right now.” You whined, swatting him with a rolled up paper.

“I don’t care.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “Hm...do you know what I’m thinking of right now, Y/n?”

“W-what?”

“Thinking about how easy it would be to slip my fingers under your skirt and play with that pretty pussy of yours. I’m pretty sure it’s soaked your underwear through by now.”

Fuck.

Your cheeks flushed as you stared at your plate. You couldn’t find it in yourself to respond properly- his mere words had already turned you to a mess.

“S-shut up.” You mumbled, reading out formulas aloud as you tried to divert your attention from it. Hyunjin let out a teasing chuckle at your lame attempt to change the topic, shaking his head as he stared at his book again, unaware you were looking over your own at him, pressing your thighs together subtly.

God, he was so...so annoying.

You snapped out of it, sighing as you looked around at the much less crowded cafe. Had it always looked so dull? So lifeless?

The thought of him was hurtful- it felt like a dull knife, screwing itself into you. Reminding you what you’d done.

You’d killed the love of your life.

And now? There was no way to bring him back.

***

“Murder is never something a superhero should resort to. A good hero always stays true to themselves- they only kill if it’s absolutely necessary.”

A cough.

“But of course...villains are exempt from that rule. Killing one villain’s life could save countless others.”

Hm. You weren’t exactly sure if your father was right. Although you were just a child, you still had some knowledge of morality.

Was he? Killing just...seemed wrong. You didn’t know if you could bring yourself to do it, no matter how evil the person was.

“Surely there are other ways to neutralize someone evil, Father?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, before shaking his head coldly. “Untrue.”

“The truth is, some lives are expendable, my dear Y/n…” Another cough, before he cleared his throat and fixed his gaze back on you.

“You must always look for the greater good.”

***

You still remembered the day you first met Hyunjin.

He was 13, and you were just a little younger. Your families were good comrades and allies, so your eventual meeting had already been planned.

The two of you were in the living room with everyone else as they talked to each other, mingling and chattering like adults usually did. Hyunjin and you made an unanimous decision to sneak out to the rooftop, and get to know each other better.

“So...our parents are allies now, hm? This means we’re going to see each other a lot more.”

“Of course we are! We’re both prodigies, like my dad and your mom...we inherited their powers, so they’re obviously going to want to cultivate those.”

“You speak pretty fancy for a 12 year old.”

“Hey, so do you! Besides, we’re gifted, aren’t we?”

“Hm.” He sighed, swinging his legs and inhaling. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up again.

“Do you actually like having these powers?”

“Oh? Well, yeah...I do...my father tells me stories of his days as a superhero. I want to help people, just like him.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d much rather live a normal life. Get a normal job, find someone to love, and have a normal marriage in a normal town.”

You pressed your lips together. “To each their own, I guess. Personally, I just want to get rid of all the evil in the world and make my father proud.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Evil…” He tapped his chin. “How does one even know the difference between good and evil?”

You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I’m pretty sure it would be obvious in every situation.”

“I disagree. The distinction is blurry. No one knows for sure, and definitely not at first glance.” He sighed. “I would know.”

You brought your knees to your chest as you observed the city below. “Well, I guess you’re right…” you paused, your heart feeling a little heavy for some reason.

“Do you know?”

“The line between good and evil is thin, Y/n. I can’t say I know for sure. But do you know what will always help you remember?”

“What?”

“Your heart.” He said softly, glancing at you and offering you a small smile.

“Just do whatever feels right...trust yourself.”

***

You sighed and shut your laptop.

Home. You needed to go home, cause your heart ached too much. You definitely weren’t ready to go back to work yet. You hadn’t done anything productive today really, just drink coffee and reflect on your actions. Regretting....regretting it all.

It’d been wrong. The wrong choice, the wrong decision.

You knew that, now. There could have been another way. You shouldn’t have rushed into it like that...how could you?

You felt a surge of hatred towards yourself engulf you. It was all your fault, this pain you were feeling. You didn’t have anyone to direct this immense anger towards except yourself. You realized this little fact in horror, your heart clenching as you wished things could have been different.

Finishing off your coffee, you placed a few bills on the table as you left the café, heading home. Ready to burrow under the blankets again, wallow in your self pity and pain. There wasn’t much else to do except succumb to acceptance.

You made your way down the street, humming the saddest song you knew under your breath.

All of a sudden, you felt eyes burning into your back. Your own eyes widening slightly, you turned around quickly-

But there was no one there.

Weird. Sighing, you decided to go back to going over your plans for tonight in your mind.

Maybe watch a movie in hopes of triggering some sort of emotion in you...or maybe take a bath, light some candles and listen to depressing music- shit.

It happened again. Someone was following you- you could feel it. Uncomfortable, your breathing slowly started getting heavier as you tried to formulate some kind of plan in your head-

The next thing that happened was so sudden you barely registered it for a second.

Your hand was gripped, so tightly you felt it would bruise. Aggressive, shocking and swift as lightning- it took several seconds before you realized someone was trying to kidnap you.

“Stop! Leave me alone!”

Struggling against the person holding you, you caught a glimpse of the masked man and decided to scream, hoping to gain some attention from somebody, anybody. There was no way this was happening, not right now. Your day had already been bad enough, why was the universe so intent on rubbing salt in your wounds?!

The urge to fight had never been stronger. Yet there was no strength left in your body. You couldn’t fight back against this man- he was taller than you and somehow even matched you in strength. Unless you exposed your powers, there was no way you would get yourself out of this predicament. Somehow you managed to smack him with your arm weakly, making him hiss.

“Let me go, please!”

The coffee cup fell out of your hand, brown liquid spilling all over the ground as you were pulled into the dark alley so quickly, no one would notice. Your eyes darted about in panic, trying to work out a possible escape route when the masked man caged you in, his arms on either side of you.

A horrible sense of déjà vu enveloped you. It’s all you can do to not scream, trying to keep yourself calm so that you could escape.

It’s ok, breathe in...and concentrate.

The heat within you started to crackle, your palms beginning to burn up gradually.

Your eyes blinked as you decided to try and take a good look at the person holding you. Their head was covered with a black mask, their finger held over their mouth as they ran their eyes over your distressed expression.

Inhale. Exhale.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You hissed, staying still and pretending to give up the struggle. “Unhand me now, or you’ll regret it, trust me-“

“Shh! Y/n, please…” He shushed you, his voice shaky.

You stopped in your tracks.

Huh?

That voice…

“I’ll explain... but first we need to get out of here, fuck-” He looked from side to side quickly, scanning his surroundings.

Shit. Why does that voice sound so familiar?

“Who- who are you?!” You managed to get out, the heat fading away as deep, panicked confusion took over you instead.

There was a small sigh as your assailant stood up a little straighter, groaning. And then, his fingers deftly pulled the mask off, clutching it in his hands tightly.

Golden locks spilled out, a handsome visage coming into view. Plump lips and beautiful eyes, looking oh so familiar.

No.

It couldn’t be. This wasn’t happening. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the actual fuck was going on?

It’s him.

But it can’t be.

How? It’s not possible-

You’re definitely losing your mind.

The man’s breathing got quicker as he watched your expression morph from fear into one of pure, electric shock.

“I know you’re shocked, Y/n, but please listen to-“

Your chest started heaving, quickly rising and falling as your heart pounded against your rib cage.

This...could not be happening. What was this? Was this a nightmare? Yet another sick, twisted dream? He couldn’t be standing right in front of you...it was impossible. No. No no no no no no no.

It was all too overwhelming, and your brain and body seemed to agree on that. Your mind swam, your thoughts all over the place as you felt yourself sway on your feet.

“This- I-“ You stumbled over your words, tears slipping past quickly as you tried to form words to express what you felt.

Pain. Searing pain, taking over, spreading from head to toe.

Your breathing slowed as the world suddenly went black, Hyunjin’s shouts in the background fading away...until there was nothing but silence.

Pure, unadulterated silence.

#hyunjin smut #hyunjin angst #skz smut #skz angst #hwang hyunjin smut #stray kids smut #stray kids angst #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin imagines

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nikkiknoxworld · 3 years

Text

Why life doesn’t make sense anymore?

Have you ever thought about why the world is so messed up? Why do we always feel like failures even though we're essentially killing ourselves day after day just to make it work? Don't you think it doesn't make sense that we always end up feeling like losers anyway, even if for a few brief moments we had a little break from this soul crunching feeling of not being good enough? It almost seems like we're 'allowed' these little 'wins' just to keep us hooked. That's how people get addicted to gambling, right? I don't know about you, but this life starts to look more and more like a game to me every day. Let me tell you why, my friend.

First of all, it doesn't make sense that we're being told not to ask too many questions since we're little, because it creates ripple effect, which could crash down this whole illusion of life as we know it. You'll know what I mean if you're ever around kids - some questions they ask really get you thinking, right? So then you go to work and talk about it as a joke, but then that same question gets your colleagues thinking as well. Then you go out and meet your friends and tell about that question your little kiddo asked as well, and they get into their heads too. Guess what - your colleagues done the same, mate, so now there's a whole bunch of people in their heads about it. Some of them may have even posted that question on social media and it's gone viral ever since. So guess what - your little kiddo is a freaking guru now, because something he questioned has 'awakened' thousands of people to start questioning their surroundings as well. And that one little question was a catalyst to hundreds of other questions - I mean, isn't this wonderful? :)

The world can't change within a moment in its entirety, I know, but every single question we ask, helps us change the world around us ever so slightly, so let's keep asking. I want to create a safe space here to ask those nagging questions we all have but don't really dare to bring out to the light, because we're afraid to be excluded or labelled outcasts, or something stupid like that. Let's ditch the fears, the worries, the insecurities, etc - anything that's limiting us from getting our answers, okay? You know why it's important to get answers to those questions? Because we're not here to simply experience this misery and failure; we're here to experience the life fully - and every single one of us has a different perception on what it would look like for them specifically.

So here's my main question - if I'm here to experience the life fully but only I know what that would look like; how does me following the common rules and society norms align with my desired outcomes? Well, my dear, it doesn't. That's why you're so miserable. I bet you didn't even have a chance to stop and really think about what your true desires are. And don't tell me that all you want from life is a Degree, a nice house, well paid job, occasional trips to resorts where all you ever do is overindulge & post pics to your followers to show off how much 'fun' you're having. Is it really all that you want from life? Do you feel that if you achieved all this, your full potential would be unlocked? Would you feel like you made a positive change in the world around you, however big or small, or would you feel like you've wasted all these years doing things that other people expected from you?

Join me and let's have a little think together about all things in life that no longer make sense - we're so different from our parents, and they were so different from their own parents when you think about, and so on. So if we're advancing in our approach with each new generation, and if we have more freedom to express ourselves now than we ever had before; why are we still following the outdated model of how to live our lives? Let's ask questions, let's change the way we're thinking, let's change the way we're responding to our environments and let's truly take back control of our lives.

'Come now, set the past on fire

Stand up, raise your face to the sky, my love -

Together we can take it higher!'

- Sia.

Love you lots,

Nikki xx

Become my Patron - https://www.patreon.com/nikkiknox

#emotions #feelings #mental breakdown #mentally drained #mentally unstable #mentally ill #this is depressing #depression #matrix #perspective #approach #inspire #motivation

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smiting-finger · 5 years

Text

Bin AU Headcanons

Part II of the (〃ω〃) 500 followers! unwritten-headcanon amnesty (some given in response to AO3 comment questions, and others given unsolicited, lol), this time for Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart and from me to you, my heart to yours

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian

Pre-Wei Wuxian’s first arrest, Lan Wangji was quietly volunteering as general legal aid (helping old migrants with their internet/other service contracts, helping women with their domestic violence paperwork), and then Wei Wuxian gets arrested at a protest and Lan Wangji is not there and he doesn’t know this area of law so he signs up to get involved with Activist Legal Support the next day.

Relatedly: Lan Wangji’s approach to helping Wei Wuxian has always been to turn up, do what needs to be done for Wei Wuxian to achieve his goals and then silently leave again. So when the two goobers eventually move in together (and are finally fully in each other’s space, and fully across each other’s movements), Wei Wuxian goes through a period of constant realisations like “Oh, Lan Zhan, you’re the one who’s been doing this? This as well?! THAT, TOO???”

Pre-fake dating, Lan Wangji knows that Wei Wuxian won’t keep any gifts given by secret admirers, but will shamelessly accept anything that Lan Wangji gives him outright as a friend (”friend”). He derives a petty satisfaction from that, and so has responded more than once to a gift-incident by giving Wei Wuxian a corresponding gift of his own:

So if he heard about the gift socks, he’d go out and get Wei Wuxian a pair of novelty There’s No Planet B! socks, which Wei Wuxian would naturally wear both immediately and proudly with his shortest pair of 4/5ths pants. (And Lan Wangji would stand next to him and somehow radiate smugness without making any change to his expression.)

Needless to say, Wei Wuxian has received a lot of Lan Wangji chocolate (chilli, fairtrade), lunches (homemade, nutritious) and other small items.

Wei Wuxian never even considers the possibility of not putting all his fake-dating eggs into the Lan Zhan basket. And also never stops to think about why that iss.

In re kungfu practice: when sparring against normal people, Lan Wangji does annoyed-leg-sweeps because of “I’ll bring you down every peg to the floor” reasons he’s too well-bred to voice.

Past recipients of this treatment have included:

Wen Chao,

Xue Yang at his most obnoxious

Jin Zixuan when gossip about his comments in re Jiang Yanli not being pretty or successful enough to date him (”I can’t believe my mum set me up with someone so mediocre”) is at its height.

This is pre-Wei Wuxian onstage-punch. That comes during the second round of gossip.

With Wei Wuxian (and only Wei Wuxian), however, it’s always leg sweeps and pinning, which is because of ... “irritation”.

The Phoenix Mountain Reserve photo has been Lan Wangji’s favourite shot of Wei Wuxian since it was made publicly available, but he couldn’t use it as a wallpaper for obvious reasons.

Then he agrees to the fake-dating, sees how far Wei Wuxian was going to take it and realised: chansu!

At some point during the fake-dating, Wei Wuxian escalates from the phone entry of Oppa to calling Lan Wangji “Oppa~!” in real life, and then from there to a full “Oppa! Saranghaeyo~!” with the arms-on-head love heart.

After n iterations of this, Lan Zhan responds with a mirror arms-on-head love heart and a deadpan “Saranghaeyo.” with his face still like (• _ •) and it’s an instant, supereffective K.O. for Wei Wuxian.

Every so often, when another one of his romantic overtures has soared right over Wei Wuxian’s head, Lan Wangji considers Jin Zixuan’s over-the-top demonstrations of affection and thinks (bleakly) “...Jin Zixuan got a singing telegram. Must I also resort to a singing telegram? ; _ ; “

In re: the concert hip-hop number, shirtlessness is the goal all along:

A-Qing (who is also a troublemaker on Lan Qiren’s radar - as soon as he receives the form that says that she and Wei Wuxian will be working together, his spidey senses start tingling) has been constantly referencing it throughout all their practices like:

“Well, because you’ll be shirtless, you’ll have to make sure to-”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, totally do that, but remember that you’ll be shirtless too, so-”

Even Song Zichen and Xue Yang know about it and have been visibly bracing themselves for the dress (or undress, lul) rehearsal

Wei Wuxian has missed all of this because of his amazing tunnel vision.

Speaking of Song Zichen and Xue Yang, while they’re having their Moments:

Xiao Xingchen is swanning around like “But do you think the performance had artistic integrity? A-Qing, I’m a little worried that the choreography didn’t do full justice to the abilities of all our members! I hope they don’t think I’m hogging the limelight!”, taunting them with his half-nakedness while he earnestly tries to make sure that all the other dancers are comfortable and happy with the final arrangement

A-Qing fully notices the heart-eye beams shooting over from the wings (and fully notices the same heart-eye beams shooting over during various practices), briefly thinks about saying something to put the two losers out of their misery (because Xiao Xingchen is not the special level of oblivious that Wei Wuxian is), but then thinks ... nah.

During practice back-painting, Wei Wuxian is so focused on Not Looking that his mistimes his ~sexy stretch~ and gets it in precisely when Lan Wangji has turned his back to get the towel, so it really is all for nothing, RIP.

In the reprise back-painting session (and there definitely is one, what with Lan Wangji’s love for marking and the fact that Chinese calligraphers usually sign their name on their work), the levels of both shamelessness and trolling shoot through the roof on both sides:

Wei Wuxian suddenly feels the need to do a lot more whimpering and moaning, and his flinches of “surprise” and wriggling to “get comfortable” suddenly happen a lot more in the hip area than they did before.

Lan Wangji does a lot more touching of the skin he’s about to paint to “warn” Wei Wuxian that the brush is coming (do warnings have to be quite so ... lingering? Only Lan Wangji knows), discovers a sudden need for wrist-pinning to “hold Wei Wuxian still while he works” and his blowing on ink to get it dry suddenly gets a lot more ... sensual ...

Lan Wangji is the teacher that all his babies are always proposing to. They lOvE him with every inch of their tiny baby hearts, and after they get together, Wei Wuxian watches on with a knowing nod, like “My fam, I getcha. Gege will support you in expressing your feelings and we can ALL win!”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know it, but he has a group of grannies and grandpas wringing their hands over his happiness, too: It’s all well and good that he’s seeing the Lan boy now, but when are they gonna get married, huh? HUH?! WHAT’S THE POINT OF SAVING THE PLANET IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA FILL IT WITH BABIES, WEI WUXIAN???

So once they officially start dating, Wei Wuxian steps into the Cultural Centre like “Ah, our fresh new romance! Even after all this time of fake-dating, I’d better give people some transition time to get used to this new state of affairs!”

And in the background, 73 aunties and grannies are thinking “Look how behind schedule you are, Wei Wuxian!” (because it’s definitely his fault, and not Lan Wangji’s). “Where are the babies? WHERE ARE THE BABIES??”

The wedding advice Wei Wuxian got from the grannies during Mianmian’s wedding prep is liberally flavoured with real life anecdotes like:

“Don’t be like XX’s son. He made the mistake of trying to skimp on the dowry - so disrespectful to people who’ve poured so much love and energy into raising a daughter - and it poisoned the entire relationship.”

“That venue is no good - YY’s daughter had her reception there, and we all had diarrhoea after eating the prawns.”

(And Wei Wuxian is like: “How can you retain all of this bullshit detail about every wedding the Cultural Society has ever witnessed, but still not know how to say the phrase ‘Excuse me, what time is the bus coming’ in English?!”)

Mianmian definitely also gets strong-armed by her excited mother into some glorious(ly terrible) Chinese-style studio wedding photos (with industrial-strength airbrushing and wedding costume changes that span many cultures and many Chinese time periods).

Mianmian swears to never let Wei Wuxian get his grubby hands on that album, on pain of death.

But then her parents host something, and Wei Wuxian goes, and right there, hanging in their living room, is a floor-to-ceiling calendar, featuring Mianmian and Mian-man dressed as Chinese emperor and empress (because Mianmian certainly didn’t want it in her house, but it came with the package.)

Wei Wuxian makes a noise that Mianmian previously thought only dolphins could produce, and proceeds to take SO MANY photos with his phone.

At some point after Mianmian’s wedding, Lan Wangji comes out of the shower to find:

1 pair of pyjama bottoms waiting for him on the bed; and

Wei Wuxian in the corresponding top (which doesn’t cover his butt after all, but whatever, he’s committed), shooting him a double-thumbs up and wearing an expression like 8D!

(And Lan Wangji decides it’s not worth fighting and just goes with it.)

Lan Qiren

Lan Qiren is totally the kind of parent who never boasts about his children directly, but will listen politely to you telling him about how your son scored 86 in his maths examination, and wait for you to obligation-ask about his kids before casually saying, “Oh, Wangji? He scored full marks” and smiling thinly.

He’ll add “Sounds like your son worked really hard” for extra fuck you value if you were being particularly obnoxious.

The greatest tragedy in his parenting life is realising that if your children are The Best, it’s only possible for them to marry down.

His initial feelings regarding Wei Wuxian dating his nephew can probably be summed up as: “Wei Wuxian, I did not lovingly raise my precious Lan Wangji just to give him to you!!!”

(The problem is that his nephew (inexplicably) likes Wei Wuxian so much, mumblegrumble.)

For weeks after The Resentment of Lan Qiren, every time Lan Qiren sees Wen Ning, he shakes his head sadly to himself and mutters “What a shame, what a shame.”

When Wen Ning responds with a slightly panicked “?!”, Lan Qiren just pats him on the shoulder, like, “No, no, it’s not you. We can’t choose our relatives. And isn’t that the greatest shame in the world?” - and then DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.

And after many bouts of thinking and rethinking still lead him to the conclusion that Wei Wuxian is the best choice in comparison to all the other available options, Lan Qiren may or may not visit Cangse Sanren’s grave to burn some incense for an excuse to stand there and offer a sullen, “You fukken got me again, you bastard. I can’t believe you.”

He doesn’t know who he hates more:

Wei Wuxian for being himself and yet still the best choice

Cangse Sanren for not letting being dead stop her from continuing to be a thorn in Lan Qiren’s side

Wen Ruohan for being undesirable enough to disqualify the only valid competitor

The other parents for failing to produce children who are better than Wei Wuxian

(Like: Surely it can’t be that hard if he (+ his brother + his sister-in law) managed to produce two)

So he settles for hating everyone.

For his next birthday, Lan Xichen sends him a box of blood-pressure-lowering supplements.

Lan Qiren is like “!!!” but he still takes them because just because his nephew is being impudent does not mean there is not also a Need.

In re 3zun:

Lan Qiren goes around determinedly Not Thinking about Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao. Every time his eyes approach something he doesn’t want to see, he just turns his head like NOPE.

He eventually realises that he and Wei Wuxian have this in common and that Wei Wuxian is therefore his most valuable ally - both in terms of having someone to pivot to and have very loud, very enthusiastic conversations about anything else whenever the 3zun do something they don’t want to see, and also having someone to commiserate with about Not Wanting to Know. (But because they’re them, they alternate between teaming up for self-preservation and using their mutual weakness to take petty jabs at each other.)

"-If two of them are dating, then where does that leave the third one?!"

"RIGHT? Imagine finding out that they were silently pining away, forced to third-wheel for their unrequited love and best friend - unrequited LOVES AND BEST FRIENDS? What would you say to that?!"

"That's not even considering which one the third wheel would be - I honestly don't know which option would be the worst, they're all terrible."

"I'm almost ready to say that I'd rather they all be dating each other, except then I'd have to think about how that would work, dynamic-wise, like - who calls the shots? Do you think Nie Mingjue is domineering all the time, or do you think it’s a public front, and he then goes home to be dominated by-"

“STOP.”

Even before 3zun get together (both Lan Qiren and Wei Wuxian have chosen to Never Know when this is), Jin Guangyao is throwing out suggestive comments left and right and then immediately whipping out his (◔◡◔✿) face for anyone’s double-take:

50% to test the waters of public sentiment before he makes a move and it actually becomes his problem

50% because he’s a troll who likes dominance displays

Knowing this factoid, one of Wei Wuxian’s mental 3zun Dynamics possibilities features Superdom!Jin Guangyao, but he does his best to avoid thinking about that.

After Lan Qiren mentally accepts Wei Wuxian into the fold:

He still internally responds to at least 50% of the things that Wei Wuxian does with “Why, that little shit”, but it’s also implied that Wei Wuxian is their little shit now.

And for Lan Family! Qiren, this means: If you shit on him, WE shit on you.

“Shufu”

Lan Qiren definitely Notices when Wei Wuxian calls him that, but it Doesn’t Do to make a fuss.

He probably has a conversation with Lan Xichen sometime around the first family dinner that goes:

LQR: You've noticed that he's still calling me 'Uncle Qiren' like we're nothing to each other.

LXC: ...If you want him to call you Shufu, should you perhaps not mention that to him?

LQR: What? No, he should already know these things!

And then after the wedding:

LQR: Your brother's boyfriend is finally acting like one of the family. LXC: Haha, oh my.

Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan

Although their mothers have been friends for ages, Jin Zixuan grows up in a different city, so they don't see each other growing up. The Jins later move for Jin Zixuan's high-flying corporate job, Madam Jin joins the Culture Society at her friend's behest and immediately falls in love with Jiang Yanli as a daughter-in-law.

After a lot of cajoling (in both directions), she gets them to agree to one date, which is a disaster (I have more headcanons about this but they won't fit in here)

Jin Zixuan has a lot of money and zero sense of proportion, which does not generally result in tasteful things. (Where Jiang Yanli is concerned, his desire to keep up a "cool" image is completely overpowered by his desire to please, so that doesn't help either. Like a golden retriever who wants people to think he's a cat.)

After they get married, Wei Wuxian sometimes thinks about the peacock's peacocking rituals, like: "It's good that he's gotten more reasonable now that they're married - no, wait, what if he hasn't gotten more reasonable, but there's just no one around to see it because they're married?!" and never gets brave enough to ask his sister about it.

After Jin Ling's birth, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng (and maybe even Jin Zixuan) get locked in an ongoing battle for Jin Ling's affections. Jiang Yanli is the clear favourite, as she should be, but they all want to be #2, and their constant jostling is how he ends up with no chill despite being raised by one calm mum and one aloof (but secretly disaster) dad

But because Jiang Yanli is around, he's very polite about it: the kind of kid who barrels in screaming blue murder, skids to a halt and says "Auntie", and then tears out screaming blue murder again

Wei Wuxian tones it down a lot after he and Lan Wangji adopt A-Yuan because he’s got better things to do, but it’s still A Thing (during visits, A-Yuan spends a lot of time in Auntie Yanli’s lap being gently fed things while his dad and shushu yell at each other over the top of his cousin’s head)

Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli

Initially brought together by their brothers, they now meet up for regular, peaceful, wholesome tea-dates where they discuss the lives of their mutuals and gently exchange advice (and strategies on how to keep their angry-angry parent/proxy-parent's blood pressure down.

Whereas Jiang Cheng gets closer to coughing up blood with every year that passes by without Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji getting their shit together, Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli take the more optimistic view of "Look at how well-prepared we are, we've just run another year ahead of schedule!"

Dinner Crew

Jiang Cheng has been the unwilling audience to years of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s bullshit.

If asked, he would say: “And you wonder why I’m so angry?! What do you mean ‘dating’, you’ve been fucking married for the last five years!” but no one ever does :’D

Every so often, he thinks about how happy their sister is about the dating situation because she doesn’t know that it’s fake, and he grinds his teeth because why can’t he also not-know!?

To this, Nie Huaisang says, “If we didn’t know we couldn’t help!”

And Jiang Cheng replies, “WE’RE NOT HELPING ANYWAY, LOOK AT HIM!!!”

Meanwhile, Jiang Yanli continues to gush about how happy she is for Wei Wuxian and all Jiang Cheng can do is laugh really unnaturally because he has to “Be strong, Jiang Cheng! Be strong for A-jie! ╥﹏╥”

He goes to read the comments on the Society Facebook after the fujoshi conversation, and gets so angry at all these people who are like “Ah, their love is so beautiful!” that he has to uninstall his Facebook app, and go and shout into a cupboard somewhere.

The non-Wei-Wuxian members of the dinner group have set up a separate chat to act as a support group, where they all go to:

Wail and gnash their teeth after Wei Wuxian does something particularly dumb

Scheme ways into getting Wei Wuxian to get a clue

Console one another when someone’s brave attempt at getting Wei Wuxian to face the truth fails miserably (because while they play by the rules of ‘what a normal human would do’, Wei Wuxian lives by the principle of ‘lol norms are for losers’.)

Relatedly: for every resigned Nie Huaisang face or enraged Jiang Cheng face that Wei Wuxian notices, there are at least three desperate-yet-silent exchanges that he doesn’t.

Wen Ning is always really optimistic about it, nodding encouragingly like “He’s gonna get it - he’s gonna get it! - oh no, he’s not gonna get it. Oh. Oh no. Ó╭╮Ò”

Wen Ning always has at least one small child hanging off him at all times when he’s at the Cultural Centre because they know he can always be bullied into playing with them and they think he’s great.

Past bullshit dinner group projects have included Getting Jiang Cheng a Date and Making a Picture out of Jin Guangyao’s Forehead Dot While He’s Sleeping

(In re the forehead dot, they end up settling for making it bigger every time he nods off during a movie night at Nie Huaisang’s house, and Nie Mingjue comes home to what’s basically a Japanese flag on Jin Guangyao’s forehead and is like ಠ_ಠ)

Future dinner group projects include providing Wei Wuxian with support for Grand Plans like Getting Along with Uncle Qiren and providing Jiang Cheng with unwanted support for things like Workshopping Jiang Cheng’s List of Partner Requirements

A-Yuan

After A-Yuan’s adoption, Wei Wuxian and Lan Qiren redouble their efforts in Can we divorce an in-law?! because although they couldn’t save themselves from being related to Jin Guangyao, for their PRECIOUS BOY--

Therefore, when A-Yuan is five or six and starts to sound out how he’s related to people and why:

A-Yuan: So if Jin-yeye is Uncle Guangyao’s dad, then that makes him my-

Wei Wuxian: NOTHING!

Lan Qiren (springing up from the other side of the room): NOTHING!

Lan Xichen: lol

At around about this same time, Wei Wuxian, who is never gonna stop trolling Lan Qiren about ruzhui until the day he dies, runs A-Yuan through the “You see, my son, my family is not so well-to-do, and since your Uncle married into the Nie family-” talk, and then proceeds to reference it at every opportunity:

1: Despite A-Yuan almost certainly not asking, and

2: despite (/especially because of) Lan Qiren shouting “DON’T TEACH HIM WEIRD THINGS!” in the background.

(Lan Wangji probably lets it happen or encourages it because he thinks it’s funny)

#CQL #The Untamed #Wangxian #陈情令 #魔道祖师 #mo dao zu shi #not-fic

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irrlicht-ghostfront · 5 years

Text

fireworks to light the sky

Characters: Husk, Alastor, Niffty (mentioned)

Pairing: Husk/Alastor, Husk & Alastor

Summary: They were all gone. He didn’t really remember how they died, but they must’ve died in the bombings. He should’ve died too. Instead here he was, huddling behind some measly cover in a god-forsaken shack hoping he wouldn’t be found. If only the bombings would stop, then he could leave and find his way back to base - but then the noise stops and the red soldier comes in.

A/N: I decided I don’t need to write long stories anymore. If something’s short, it’s good too. So yeah, not much else to say (: TW/CW: PTSD, War mention, Death mention

@saschagemruler

____________________________________________________

They were everywhere.

He could hear them outside and all he could do was huddle inside this tiny little shack and wait for it to be over. He was alone, too. He didn’t quite remember how his team-mates died, but Husk was sure it must’ve been in the bombings.

There was no weapon in his hands.

He must’ve lost it during running away. What would his commander say? Of course, that would require him to make it out of the hot zone alive. Of course, that would require his commander to still be alive. Husk didn’t even know where he was. Hell, he couldn’t even remember what his mission was supposed to be. Had it been to simply check the village? See if there could be a tactical position? He didn’t remember. He didn’t remember.

Not that it mattered now, anyway. With the constant bombings he wasn’t able to scout out anything. The worst thing was – if he got out of here alive, they might give him a medal. He didn’t want a medal. He’s done nothing heroic this whole war.

What good would a medal do? It wouldn’t bring those back that died. Shit, it wouldn’t even honour them. It would simply remind him for the rest of his days that he was an utter and complete failure.

Boom.

Fuck that had been close. Were they honing in on his position? But how did they do that? He didn’t have anything. He didn’t have a radio that they could try to track. He must’ve lost that thing too, when he was running away. What a failure. What if his commander had tried to reach him, but he was such a klutz that he lost the one fucking radio they’ve had?

He pressed his head in between in knees. It’d be over soon. If he was lucky, they wouldn’t hit his shelter. If he was luckier, they would hit his shelter. He didn’t know what he was hoping for but maybe – maybe it was the latter. If he died, he didn’t have to go back. If he died, he didn’t have to face the consequences of his survival.

If he just died, it would be over. He would go home.

Home in a casket, yes, but he’d go home.

So maybe he should head outside.

And if he died, the bombings would stop. They’d never come back.

Come to think of it...

The bombings stopped. There were no more sounds from outside. There went his foul-proof plan. But he wasn’t stupid enough to think the danger’s passed. Oh no. Now, the enemy soldiers would swarm the place to eradicate every survivor.

He needed a weapon – anything to defend himself with. It didn’t matter what it was. It was one way to die by being bombed, but being shot in the head? Or worse, being taken prisoner? What would they think? Stupid Husk got captured and would probably blabber out every secret he knew.

He clenched his jaw. No. No, that wouldn’t happen. He might be a disappointment that failed to die with his team-mates, but he would not turn into a prisoner. He’d die in dignity – as least as much as he could still muster after cowering here in fear.

Husk took a few deep breaths. He could do this. He could get out of this alive. Playing dead wasn’t an option – he wore military uniform. They’d butt his head with the rifle and that would kill him. They wouldn’t waste a bullet on a presumably dead soldier but they wouldn’t take any chances with him either. Most likely, they’d stab him with a dagger too, just to make sure he was dead.

No.

The only choice was to fight and run. There was no honour found on the battlefield.

Here, there was only death. There was no glory, no victory.

There were just dead men that would never see their home again. There were just dead civilians who did nothing wrong but to live in the wrong place.

And back home, nobody would understand.

“Thank you for your service.”

“You’ve done our country a great honour.”

“It’s an honour to meet you.”

And then there was the – the idolising. He balled his fists. There’d be all these little boys looking at soldiers and then telling their mommies that they wanted to be a soldier too. And then their mothers would encourage it and their fathers would tell them how proud they were.

There was no glory in war.

There was no pride in standing on the battlefield.

There was no courage in lying in the trenches, waiting for a shot.

There was only pain, and misery, and death.

And back home, nobody would care about that.

There.

He heard rustling outside the door. It seemed they finally made it to this little shack. Fine. He’s made up his mind. He’d wait, and then he’d ambush them. He had no weapon, but his fists would need to do. He could do this. He trained for this.

“Husk?” Shit. Shit, how did they know his name? Did they specifically look for him? Why? He wasn’t important, he was just an ordinary soldier. Maybe he lost his dog tag. But that wouldn’t explain why they used his nickname. It didn’t matter. So, they knew he was here. Maybe they didn’t know he was in this particular house. It’d still be okay. He could still ambush them. He peeked from behind his cover. It was just one man, from the looks of it. He had something long in his hand, but Husk couldn’t quite tell what gun it was. Never mind, it needed to leave the enemy’s hand. He looked scrawny, so he’d probably be easy to overpower. Good.

“Husk, why are you hiding behind the couch?”

Shit. Shit, he’s seen him. Okay. No point in hiding anymore. Let him get just a bit closer and then attack. He could do this. He’d still feel safer if he’d at least have a knife or anything. But he could do it. He was a soldier. He wasn’t afraid.

“I didn’t know you were this bad at hide-and-seek, Husker. Is this how you keep letting Niffty win?”

Now was his chance to strike. The guy was close enough. Husk leaped from behind his hiding spot and jumped at this guy’s throat. The guy was pretty tall, but he had the advantage of being the aggressor. He could do it. Just overthrow the enemy, knock him out, take his weapon and book it. He’d find a radio somewhere, maybe even other people from his side.

He managed to knock the guy down, but his enemy was quick to grasp his wrists and turn him flat on his back. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. That didn’t go as planned. He had to fight. He had to fight. So he did. He bucked and wriggled but the guy’s grip was iron-tight. At least they were locked now. That meant the guy wouldn’t be able to use his weapon either. So he could still turn this around and win. Maybe a scare-tactic would work?

Husk looked at the guy’s face – and all he saw was red. Oh god. This guy was so red. Did he kill so many that even his hair got stained with blood? How was he to stand against such a ruthless killer? He suddenly lost all will to fight. He couldn’t expect mercy from this guy. So he bucked and wriggled again, but this time with the intent to just run. Just run anywhere he could; as far away from this guy as possible. Is this why he came alone? Was it because he didn’t need a squad to help him?

“Please just let me go, I don’t know anything, please –“

He never thought he’d resort to begging, but – he didn’t want to die. He was terrified of dying here. They’d hail him a hero if they’d ever knew about him at all and this would never end. Of course, him being alive wouldn’t change a thing, either, but – he just wanted to stay alive, alright?

He still didn’t have a family.

There were still magic tricks he wanted to learn.

There were still gambles he hadn’t taken.

There was still booze he hadn’t tried out.

Was it too much to ask for just one more day?

The enemy yelled at him. At least that’s what he thought it was. Maybe it was him; the little, pathetic soldier that would be hailed a hero after the war. He should be forgotten. He should be forgotten. He should be –

He blacked out.

When he came to, he was being held. It felt nice. It was a bit cold, but it wasn’t overly uncomfortable. There was a hand on his head too, and that felt quite nice as well.

Husk didn’t remember what happened.

He was...

He couldn’t say.

It felt like there was some sort of fog in his head and he couldn’t clear it out.

“Husk.”

It was Alastor’s voice. Of course it was him. As terrifying that thought was, hearing his voice was soothing right now. If the Radio Demon was here, he didn’t need to worry about anything.

“Are you with me?”

What a strange question to ask. Husk closed his eyes and pressed closer to Alastor. Physical contact was so rare; he’d take every little piece of it he could get. Hearing his heart beat and feel him breathing was oddly satisfying.

“I’m always gonna be with you.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin husk #hazbin alastor #radioshow #radiohusk #alastor x husk #fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfic #ptsd #war #death

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adore-holland · 5 years

Text

Under Renovation |T.H.| - Chapter 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Celeb!Reader

Warning: Language, angst.. again

Word Count: 3101

A/N: This was a hard one.. The ups and downs of a breakup are always hard to portray truthfully, so I’m hpoing I’m doing it justice. The response I got on chapter 1 was amazing. I know there aren’t a lot of people following along, but way more than I anticipated - So thank you, so very much! I hope you enjoy!

Teaser

Chapter 1

Chapter 2:

You don’t really know how to react. It’s been hours since you found out, but still, you haven’t reacted; and you don’t know what’s wrong with you. You’ve spent the last week crying, bawling your eyes out, a constant lump in your throat, weakness sinking into your core. The moment you find out that he found someone else though; nothing.

Help. You want to scream it, cry it.. mean it. For some weird reason, you don’t want help, although you know you need it. From a psychological standpoint, you’re most likely bottling up your reaction, involuntarily but still; and from the very limited knowledge you have of psychology.. that isn’t a good thing. Right now, in this very moment, as you’re walking down the empty street with no destination in mind, it’s so peaceful that you wanna keep doing it.

Keep bottling it up, hiding it way… not facing it. Tom found someone else, less than a week after he broke up with you for no apparent reason.

Well, it seems pretty apparent now.

You’re close to Hyde Park so you cross the street to get closer. In the back of your head you’re aware that you’re getting further and further away from home, but it doesn’t really matter to you. Nothing really does.

Without thinking you scurry across the paths, letting memory guide you more than anything. The dark shadows between the streetlamps bring you more comfort than the yellow light, even in the dark park. Over the past week you’ve gotten so used to the dark, gotten so comfortable with it and it’s way of hiding you from the world - or the world from you, that you barely notice your new tendency to stay in the shadows.

A deep breath, followed by another - it’s getting hard to breathe again. You swallow, willing the unwelcome lump in your throat to just go the hell away. It doesn’t. The nightlife around you almost seems to mock you. Loud music, groups of increasingly drunk people, but worst of all lovestruck couples, stuck in a fantasy of neverending bliss. You almost pity them. Almost. You would, if you didn’t desperately want to be one of them again.

The thought breaks you. Tears stream down your cheeks, and you hurry to the nearest tree, holding onto one of its large branches for support. You tremble as you try to cover loud sobs, desperately not wanting to draw any attention to you. Moving to the other side of the tree, facing away from the path, you turn your back to it. The tears can’t seem to come fast enough; flowing down your face in a steady stream, and your sobs barely allow you to breathe. Lack of oxygen forces you to sit down, to stop the sudden wobbling in your knees, and you welcome the feeling of the cold ground consuming you. You draw the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands and try to wipe the tears away as they flow - no success.

Tom broke up with you for someone else.

He… he broke up with you for someone else. You repeat the words in your head. Again and again, trying to make sense of it. There are only two options to go with that statement. Either he met her while you were still together, and decided that she was better than you. Or he got over you extremely quickly and just happened to meet a match so soon. You can’t decide which one hurts the most.

You allow yourself to disappear into your mind for a bit, searching the last days, weeks, months of your relationship for clues - anything to point to things having gone bad. Nothing. You can think of nothing that changed. Everything seemed so perfect, the exact depiction of “too good to be true”, yet it was.. until it wasn’t.

Sitting alone in the dark, you can’t help but miss him. You’ve tried, so hard, to keep that thought out of your mind for the past week. Tonight, you wanna welcome the misery, fall back into its strong embrace. With quick motions you find your phone in your pocket. The bright light from the screen hurts your eyes - you quickly blink it away. Your gallery is filled with photos, memories, of him. Picture after picture of the two of you, looking at each other like there’s no one else in the world. One particular photo makes your heart clench, and you can’t help the heartbreaking sob.

The picture is beautiful - the kind of picture that almost seems too perfect to even be. In it, your eyes are squeezed together, lashes brushing your cheekbones, your mouth is stretched out into a wide laugh, and you’re facing a beautiful blue summer sky. Tom’s laughing too, but only his eyes give it away with a shiny glint in them. His lips are attached to your jaw, kissing it as gently as he can. He has one hand on the back of your neck, pressing you into him, and the other on your waist.

You remember the photo as if it was taken yesterday. It was your 1-year anniversary, and Harry had asked if he could use you as subjects for some photos he wanted to take. You loved Harry, so of course you had agreed. It had mostly been innocent, cute shots of yours and Tom's hands intertwined, close ups of the two of you glancing at each other. That lasted until Sam asked Tom to look like he actually enjoyed being there. Tom responded by getting handsy - resulting in this shot of the both of you laughing.

After staring at the photo for a few more seconds, you let the screen go black again, however keeping your eyes on your reflection. You finally notice what exactly missing Tom has done to you. Your cheeks are sunken in, dark shadows highlighting your cheekbones - not in the healthy way. Large bags have settled under your eyes, and your otherwise healthy hair has gone frizzy. With a huff you place your phone back in your pocket, not being able to stomach the look of yourself anymore. You realize missing him has taken its toll on you.

But still, you miss him. He was a part of your day to day life for three years, and your best friend for a year before that. Tom had become a constant fixture in your life, and he just upped and left. It makes sense to miss him, you even feel validated in missing him.

Sitting there, on the cold ground, alone in the dark, you realize something for the first time. You may miss him, but you miss yourself more.

:)-(:

“You’re gonna play opposite Mena Massoud?” Dan almost yells at you, and you have to shush him so you don’t disturb the others in the store. “You have to be kidding, that guy is a literal disney prince.” He turns to you with wide brown eyes, as you smirk back at him. “A literal disney prince y/n!”

“Not only that, I’m gonna be filming a sex scene with a literal disney prince.” You cast a wink towards Daniel before you keep searching the bedsheet section for something you like. After getting home from the park last night, you had realized that you didn’t own a single bed set that Tom hadn’t slept in, and with a sudden urge to get him out of your life, you had thrown everything out, and resorted to sleeping on the couch with a blanket. Waking up this morning, you had regretted the decision, seeing as you now needed to go shopping.

“Dude.. I’m so coming to set that day.” It’s his turn to wink at you, and you let out a quick laugh - eyes widening at the strange sensation. Even Dans’ eyes widen, before he picks you up and spins you around, only prompting more laughter. “You’re coming back to me, thank goodness. For a moment I thought I had to find a new best friend.” He squeezes you tight, finally setting you back down on the ground.

Involuntarily your eyes roll - you know he wouldn’t be able to function without you. At least you still have him - He has been your rock through this week, and you can never repay him the strength he has given you, you will sure as hell try though. Your eyes catch onto a beautiful mauve set, and you pick it up.

“Done! Let’s go home and pack.” You look up at Daniel, happily catching the surprised look on his face. For a moment, you let yourself look at Dan, as if for the first time ever. He’s tall, standing at 6 foot 3. He’s not necessarily muscular, but he doesn’t look bad considering his almost skinny nature. Dan and you first met when you were out shopping right before your first big audition. He worked at the store, and could sense your nerves - he had given you a small bracelet for free, telling you to give it back when you got the part. The next time you came back, you payed for the bracelet, invited him out for coffee, and told him that he was your lucky charm. His boyfriend at the time broke up with him a little while after that, and he came to you for comfort; the two of you had been like peas in a pod ever since, and you wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

“Packing? Where are we going?” You’ve been keeping it a surprise from him, but Matt had already made all the arrangements.

“You really think they’re gonna film a movie, based in Hollywood, in London?” His eyebrows furrow together as he tries to figure out what you’re hinting at. “Alright, let me try to make it clearer for you. I need to get away from my life as it is right now.. that means London, and you’ve always wanted to live there, so I figured that you would come with me, if I told you it was an all expenses paid trip.” Dans’ mouth drops open as he realizes what exactly you mean.

“We’re moving to Hollywood?” You nod, a smile spreading onto you lips. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would’ve been packed already!”

:)-(:

The windows in your apartment are open, allowing in the fresh breeze from outside. The “Getting over your ex” playlist Dan found is blaring through your speakers, as the two of you shuffle through your wardrobe. You have already filled 3 boxes with the clothes you’re going to donate, and only a half with what you’re gonna keep. Perhaps it’s the playlist influencing you, but you have a sudden urge to change up your style.

Dan pulls out a stunning black floral dress, and holds it up for you to look at.

“Out.” The answer comes immediately, and you look away from it as quickly as you can - trying to shut out the memories suddenly passing through your mind.

“Wha..? But y/n, this is gorgeous.” Dan mopes, shaking the dress slightly, letting the thin layers brush against each other in that beautiful way that made you buy it in the first place.

“Dan, that one is going out.” You expected your voice to crack, instead you sound stern and almost commanding.

“May I ask why?”

“I wore it on our first date.” It seems to be answer enough, as he throws it straight into the donation box, quickly moving his attention back to the rest of the closet. You busy yourself with the rest of your stuff - Dan was always the fashionista out of the two of you, and when you told him you wanted to change it up, he barely let you finish explaining what you wanted to do.

You try to distance yourself as much as possible from what you’re doing, not really allowing yourself to get caught on the memories in this place. You pick up the picture frame on your nightstand, and without giving yourself time to think, you pop out the picture and put it into a small shoebox labeled “Tom”. You tell yourself that you’re gonna throw the box away, but you know that that isn’t gonna happen. One box to remind you of three years of your life? You figure that’s fair. The frame itself is a beautiful intricate pattern of glass and metal, so you pack it neatly into the box for decorations.

The nightstand was on Tom's side, so as you open the drawer you try your best not to let the stuff inside affect you - dissociating completely from it. You feel the urge to just dump the whole drawer into the large box in the corner of the room, already full of his stuff, but this is some of the more valuable stuff.. To you at least. He hasn’t made an effort to contact you since he broke up with you, not even to get his stuff back. To be honest, you’re not sure why he didn’t take it with him when he left you heartbroken in your kitchen. The smell of burnt rice still lingers in there.

Quickly you pick up the spare watch he always left at your place, the phone charger, a pair of headphones - the red ones… his favourite. You place all of it gently into his box, and move on to his cabinet in the bathroom. You work quickly through the apartment, placing any and everything of his into the brown moving box. Toothbrushes, soaps, deodorants, razors, jewellery, it all goes in the box. Right until you get to his clothes. Most of it you just take a bunch of and dump it into a plastic sack, knowing there isn’t room for all, if any, of it in the box. You try to ignore the sudden strong scent of him surrounding you, and the familiar feeling of some of this clothes.

One hoodie catches your attention. It’s the orange one, with the black stitches around the scrunched up neck. You had always adored that hoodie, proudly dubbing it “the pumpkin”. His mom had bought it for him, fully well knowing that it would basically become yours. Tom never knew that his mother had sent you a photo of it first to get approval, so when he presented it to you, smelling gloriously of him, for the first time, your heart skipped a beat at the fact that he knew you well enough to know that you would love it.

Casting a glance over your shoulder, you see Dan still working through your closet, and you quickly stuff the orange hoodie into the bottom of the keep box. One box and one hoodie? You know you shouldn’t but you have to. You find yourself right back in the mindset to miss him, which wasn’t the plan at all.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick.” Scurrying past Dan, he hands you a set of black underwear as he is already deep in your lingerie drawer.

As you focus on the water, you start to relax again, the memories fading away just as quickly as they came. On the other side of the bathroom door, you hear Dan turn up the playlist, and you can’t help but smile at the thought of him jamming out in your closet. You let your mind fade into the music, slowly beginning to dance to the rhythm under the water. It’s only a matter of minutes before you step out of the shower again; hair dripping wet and mood elevated to a mood you haven’t been in for a while - and for the first time in a long time, it feels like things are actually starting to look up again.

You quickly dry off your skin, but leave your hair damp, and throw on the set Dan handed you. Surprisingly you feel really good. Despite all the imperfections you found in yourself last night, today has been a really good day for you. The bags under your eyes are less prominent, as you actually got to sleep tonight, your eyes are shining - happy again - from a day well spent with a good friend. You feel really good.

Hanging up the towel to dry, you walk back out into your bedroom, quickly finding a simple pair of grey sweats, and throwing them on. Dan has seen you naked, countless times, so you don’t bother with a shirt. You’ve been covering up for a week with large sweatshirts and blankets, so the feeling of the breeze on your bare skin is refreshing to say the least.

The living room is bright, and despite the plethora of boxes stacked all over the place, and the long to-do list laying on the coffee table, you wanna take a break. The intensity of the music sends energy into your muscles, longing for them to move to the rhythm. Dan’s in the midst of going through your jackets when you grab his hand and draw him out into the middle of the living room floor. He laughs with you, but begins to dance with you all the same. Jumping around your apartment, limbs moving mindlessly through the air, you start to feel alive again. You’re still there, perhaps buried behind a crushed dream, but you’re still there, and you’re slowly crawling your way back up the surface again.

You lose track of time, only noticing that time has even passed at all, when the doorbell rings.

“Pizza’s here!” You yell over the music, and walk over to the stereo to turn it down. Hurrying towards the door, you catch a glimpse over your shoulder, noting the weirdly elegant dance Dan is now performing with one of your jackets. Your face breaks out in a smile as you whip your head back around to focus on the door. With quick motions you unlock it, and draw it open, smile still vibrant on your face.

It’s not the pizza delivery. You feel your smile fall slightly as you swallow a heavy lump in your throat, but you try your best to keep the mood light and the smile alive. You recognize the black boots, the torn jeans, the white patterned t-shirt you gave him once, the leather jacket, the angular jaw, the defined cheekbones, the wild eyebrow, the familiar brown curls and the stunning warm brown eyes.

“Tom?” Despite the thundering in your chest, you feel relatively calm - despite the fact that you’re stood, half naked, in front of your very recent ex.

“Hi y/n.”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #Tom Holland Fan Fiction #tom holland x you #fan fiction #Under Renovation #Tom Holland Angst

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pretty-restless-insomniac · 5 years

Text

Say Something (W.C. 1,842)

Fandom: Riverdale

Pairing: Sweet Pea / Reader

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: Cussing, Underage Drinking

Summary: Sweet Pea never thought he would be so f***ing ruined by a girl, but here he is, clutching the phone to his ear praying to anyone listening that you would pick up.

*Can be read as sequel to “I’m Not Her” or can be read alone*

Click Here for Ao3 or Click Keep Reading for on here!

Sweet Pea never thought he would be so fucking ruined by a girl, but here he is, clutching the phone to his ear praying to anyone listening that you would pick up.

"Hey this is y/n, I'm not around to pick up bu-"

"Damn it!" He punches the red call button and leans back against his headboard, phone tossed away and his hands tugging through his hair. It's been a week since you walked out and he feels as if he's going fucking insane without you. The only other times he's cried so hard were when his parents abandoned him as a kid, and when he nearly lost his best friend. But this was different. When he's gone through hard times before, he had you. You were the light of his life and his fuck-up caused him to be alone. Sweet Pea struggles to swallow around the lump in his throat, eyes burning from continuous tears. He's a mess.

He needs you. He knows that now. With you he felt powerful, attractive, safe... loved. But you're gone, and he feels like he might die from the aching in his chest, from every single fucking memory of you two running through his head. Beer, he needs a beer, multiple. Pea wobbles on his feet and slowly makes his way into the catastrophe of which is his den. He took all of his pain out on the trailer for the first three days, and it shows. Pea pushes the flipped couch out of his way, eyes trained on the dinky fridge that hold his newest best friend. Said fridge is bare of all edible substances aside from the four 6-packs Fang's gifted him when he heard of the breakup. Fuck, even the word makes his heart spasm. He grabs a bottle and pops it open, leaning against the counter. He takes a long swig, welcoming the bitter taste.

Pea doesn't know how much longer he could live like this. Hell, he's had to hold himself back from running to your house even if it's just to catch a glance at you. Because he sees everything but you anymore. The coat hook, empty. His shower void of all your soaps, your side of the closet... bare. He feels like you're a ghost now and he's frantic to just prove that you were ever in his life at all! But the loneliness that's slowly suffocating Pea proves that you are very much real. You were his, for a short while, but he was the one that never took 'being yours' seriously. He remembers your face when you begged him to just be honest about how he feels for you, that he loves you. But he couldn't. Not because of anything other than he's a coward that doesn't deserve you. He remembers when Betty and Jughead came to get the things you left behind, Jones had to almost sit on him so Betty could come in and out safely, taking all he had left of you.

Pea starts to shake as the next wave of this ever-lasting mental breakdown comes upon him. He wishes this was all just some stupid fucking nightmare and he would wake up to you squirming away from his snores in your ear. He would let you go, but before you could get off the bed, he's grab you back and crawl on top of you. He'd whisper all the naughty things he wanted to do to you, watching the lust dance across your eyes. Pea would nearly lose it as you let out a little moan, grinding against his bottom half, him kissing your neck-

"God fucking damn it!" Pea wails his bottle against the wall and slowly slides down to the floor, begging someone -anyone - to put him out of his misery.

"Fuck, y/n," his voice cracking into uncontrollable sobs. He can't be bothered to try to make his way into the bed as his vision darkens, finally giving into exhaustion on the glass ridden tile.

A little while later, a few forceful pounds on his door stirs Pea out of his drunken stupor, but only to groan, hoping if he stays somewhat quiet that whoever out there will get the fucking hint. He wants to suffer, alone. Pea imagines you're doing the same thing, at least he hopes you're as broken up about this as he is. Soon the bangs stop, but before he could slip away again, a powerful shove sends his door nearly off its hinges, no doubt cracking the frame. Pea nearly uses all of his energy to sit up, seeing double of a certain purple haired vixen. Fuck he want her seeing him like this. He tries to scramble to his feet as Toni looks around in shock.

"What the hell did you do? I was expecting a mess, but it's like a fucking war zone Pea!"

"Why are you here?"

"You're joking right? You haven't left here in a week and you've been ignoring every single person who's tried to get you. I'm the last resort!"

Pea just lolls his head back against the counter and closes his eyes, trying to block out the spinning room.

"Fuck off." Toni just snorts at that and makes her way into the kitchen, only sighing at the broken glass. Neither of them speak as she fetches the broom to clean it up. Soon she just slumps down next to Pea, slightly gagging at the alcohol rolling off of him in waves. Pea just hopes she'll get bored with his silence and just leave, but Toni just plays with her bracelet, trying to find the right words.

"Do, do you want to talk about it?" Pea finally turns to look at her, and she flinches slightly at his bloodshot eyes and red skin, making it clear how broken he feels right now. She's at a loss, never having seen him so torn up over something before. He usually is so good at burying his feels, so having his face being so easy to read shakes her a little.

"Have you seen her?" Toni takes a deep breath, hesitating a little before giving a solemn nod. She can't stand to look at him as she continues.

"Yeah, I've seen her around lately." Pea swallows and then asks the inevitable.

"H-how is she?"

"She-e was very upset before, but-" Toni cuts off taking more interest in her jeans at the moment. Pea's anger spikes again as he shoves her shoulder.

"But?" Toni just sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.

"I don't think you want to know-"

"Quit fucking around."

"She-s, she's... happy." Pea whips his head around, furrowing his brows. What the fuck does she mean you're happy. You should be a hermit, constantly crying like he is. You were never a good liar, so he's sure you aren't faking, but, but that just pisses him off! How fucking dare you being happy without him.

"Happy? Happy! Are you fucking serious?!" Anyone else would be shocked, but Toni would expect this. Still, she couldn't help being a bit coy.

"I though you're supposed to say that you're just happy because she's happy and all that sappy shit." He only just glares and then turns to face the wall.

"No. I don't want her happy unless she's with me. I'm a selfish mother fucker. Who the fuck does she think she is? She should be wallowing in sadness and alcohol like I am, not fucking acting like she's celebrating! If she was here right now I'd-"

"But shes not. And she's not your fucking problem anymore, so your opinion means shit."

Pea just puts his head down, accepting the loss just a little more. Toni feels bad at cutting his rant off, but for Pea, being drunk and angry wouldn't do anyone good! She stands up and reaches her hand out to him. He stumbles to his feet and they make the journey to the bedroom. Pea just flops face down to the bed and Toni just stands there, unsure if it's safe to leave him right now.

"You don't have to fucking babysit me, I'm not gonna do anything stupid." Pea mumbles from his pillow. Knowing how Pea is when he's drunk, Toni just shifts and then grabs him a glass of water, and leaves with a final worried glance. Pea tries to fall back asleep, but Toni's words keep ringing through his head.

"She's happy."

He doesn't know if its the loneliness or alcohol that leads him to try calling you again, already expecting the same voicemail message.

"What do you want Pea?"

He nearly falls off the bed at the sound of your voice, you picked up! He fumbles with words and you only huff at the silence, ready to hang up.

"No,wait, y/n. I-I've been trying to get ahold of you," and then he pauses... the anger kicking in, "why the fuck haven't you been answering me?" He doesn't need to see you to know you're doing an eyeroll right about now.

"Why the hell do you care? I'm not your girl Pea, so it's none of your business. Did you call just to fucking chew me out? Me life doesn't revolve around you anymore."

Pea takes a deep breath, eyes starting to blur with tears.

"No-no. I'm sorry I didn't mean to- I, uh, I just," he takes a moment to collect himself, "I just really miss you... I lo-"

"Don't say you love me."

"W-what the fuck do you mean? Why not? Are you with someone," Pea rambles. His emotions giving both of you whiplash. You just ignore his ramble, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Because with you, every time you say you love me, it means a little less."

Your voice nearly cracks, and you wince, hoping he hadn't caught it. But he did, and it gave him hope to push a little more.

"So you just want me to forget about you, about us? There definitely has to be someone else, who the fuck is he. Is it Andrews? Mantle?"

"Oh just shut up Pea, can't you just accept that maybe I'd rather bealone than with you? Do you think I'm that much of a floozy?"

"Fine, if that's how you feel. Then do this one thing for me. Then I'll leave you alone, you won't hear a fucking peep from me. Just, swear to me that this mean nothing to you."

You nearly choke on your cries, but you know what he's doing. He playing you, even now.

"That's not the po-"

"I want an answer, dammit!"

"You aren't gonna get the answer you want Pea."

"Lie to me then."

You need to stay strong, to prove that you will survive without him. That you don't need him.

"Don't call this number again."

"Y/n, I'll keep calling for the rest of the night if I have to, until you answer me."

"Guess you'll have a long night then."

You left him once again that night.

#riverdale #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea #Cheryl bombshell #cheryl blossom #tonie topaz #betty cooper #Jughead jones #fangs fogarty #archie andrews #veronica lodge #reggie mantle #post break up #sad #reader #reader insert #angst

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

the broken hearts club [branjie] - pinkgrapefruit

A/N - im sorry i’ve been gone. <3

I need emotion, Novocaine, I need a numbing of my brain

I need somethin’ to take away the remains of your name

She rolls the ring between her fingers and wonders how it became the end of them when it should have been the beginning. The silver shines bright like it’s never been worn, no signs of wear and tear, no hint of tarnishing. It glows in a way that tells you it’s wearer has no tan line. Her’s is a solid strip of white. When her tears fall onto the diamond, she’s sure it cracks. Her heart does. Vanessa’s heart cracks every time.

And the way her blood rushes through the jagged-cut veins that sparkle rough like a diamond on a full moon sends a pounding to her head. Like a basketball on a concrete floor and the noise it makes could be footfalls or it could be breaking. In her defence, the world moves in slow motion now and she’s not sure if it’s moving at all. She’s numb from the brain down and it takes more time to fasten up her shoes than it does to remember her birthday but that’s how life is and sometimes you’ve got to pick your battles. She decides she doesn’t need groceries and instead purges their group calendar.

She tries to purge the group calendar just like she tries to cancel their wedding planner and she tries to send an email out to the invitees and remove the taster wedding cakes from their fridge and stop calling her flat theirs. She tries.

I need amnesia for a day and an umbrella for the rain

That hasn’t gone away since you said you didn’t need me

The first morning Vanessa feels up for a run, it’s raining and she curses fucking Brooke for this fucking rain because of course, the ice queen loved the rain. It rained the day she left and she’s damn sure it will always be raining when she thinks of her. Instead of a run, she takes the A train from Brooklyn to Central Park, desperate to find one piece of New York that isn’t tainted with memories of Blonde hair and the smell of lavender. Somehow they never ended up here so Vanessa spends her day sitting on a bench with an umbrella and a large coffee. Her sweater is pulled up over her chin and her sleeves, over most of her hands and she feels safer than she has in weeks.

When she gets home, she opens a bottle of wine and eats all the cake in the flat and calls it a success.

Lately been thinkin’ maybe

There’s a place we won’t feel so crazy

She deeps cleans the apartment after three and a half weeks. She is beyond desperate to remove the smell of Peonies and Hairspray that seems to have permeated her entire being, leaving her feeling surrounded and smothered. She vacuums behind the TV and washes the sofa cushions and cleans out all the cabinets. She puts all of her developed films of Brooke into an airtight box and takes it to her storage unit the next day along with two boxes of assorted knick-knacks and a suit that somehow ended up on her side of the closet. She sleeps easy that night, calmed by the frantic day and the scent of vanilla incense. She doesn’t dream. It’s a welcome change.

She converts Brooke’s side of the spare room into a proper darkroom, pinning up blackout curtains and carrying her big bath from college through the subway. She settles it in a corner and spends the next two days developing all the shots she’s been too preoccupied to do until the entire flat is dark and covered in tarp and she has to duck to make it from her bedroom to the kitchen. She drinks her coffee sat up on the counter and hears Brooke telling her to get down but she ignores the voice. The day is a win.

Been in a hazy mid-morning daydream

I found a shady spot that they saved me

She buys too much the first time she grocery shops for one and has to invite the Dreamgirls over to help eat it all. The next day she calls Yvie and she brings Scarlet over and they;re both still friends with Brooke and look uncomfortable the whole time until Vanessa tells them she won’t break if she hears her name or talks about weddings and they can finally tell about hoe Scarlet’s job photographing the Ballet Company is or how their wedding planning is going. She imparts the wisdom that an off-white dress will work better with Yvie’s skin tone and a blush tone will look warmer against Scarlet’s hair and that the lighting looks best cosy and that the flowers should be bought in bulk. She lets them know she’s just a phone call away and it almost feels like therapy except when they leave she feels crushingly alone.

She takes a bath with some muscle relaxer she found under the sink, a gift from one of Brooke’s dancer friends and sends thanks to the gods that New York garners enough money to pay their dancers well, feeling rich from the softness of her skin.

They said, “come be the newest member of the broken hearts club

We hate every little thing about the people that we love

She hates the way almond milk tastes, and how she will never be able to watch the nutcracker again and the way black and white films make your head hurt a little if you watch them for too long. She hates how the sheets are always cold and the bed is never made and how Brooke used to do it all but there’s no Brooke anymore so she’s going to have to learn how to fold a fitted sheet all on her own. She hates how she still find white cat hairs on her black clothes and black cat hairs on her white clothes and blonde hair in her shower drain two months later when it gets blocked.

She hates how her Spotify still recommends her opera and how Netflix remembers Brooke’s love of true crime, even though some of the thumbnails scare the shit out of Vanessa. She hates how she booked the time off work to plan wedding stuff and somehow the entire freelance photography world seems to know because even though Vanessa is well known and well regarded, she cannot seem to get a gig anywhere and can’t even resort to weddings because she’s too scared she’ll end up crying into her camera.

She hates how she feels when she passes the subway stop for the New York Ballet and how she feels when she sees a blonde updo in a crowd and she hates how she feels.

And she hates that she still loves her.

She hates it.

We’re the let-down, we’re the lied-to, where the lost go and it finds you

Where the lonely make the lonely feel less lonely, and we’re dyin’ to

Invite you to stay, and take away the pain

‘Cause misery loves company, so hey, what do you say?”

She manages to feel lost in her own home sometimes and it’s an eerie feeling that only changes over time as she allows her space to open up and become shared again. She buys a cactus in the first step towards healing and talks to it intermittently. Soon she has an apiary on her fire escape, filled with potted plants and fairy lights and it’s a little escape from how claustrophobic the flat can feel.

She joins a running club and rediscovers the routes she and Brooke would run in the days when they were still fresh and young and felt like exploring. She still can’t touch their regular routes but she likes the older ones. She gets a coffee at their spot and the barista is new so they don’t look at her with a familiar face of pity. She starts to get bookings again, people coming to New York wanting a travel photographer to follow their adventures, young influencers wanting to feel like real celebrities and she gets paid more to take photos of some than she used to in entire years.

She knows she could move but she is tied to her place with heartstrings.

And at first, I wasn’t sure if there’s even a cure

For what I’m feelin’, 'cause what I’m feeling’s been feelin’ more and more absurd

Her therapist emails her on a Tuesday, suggests it’s been a while and she should come in for a chat. She blindly agrees and puts on her comfiest Yoga pants, knowing it’s going to be a long day. He suggests she should go see a show, watch her dance and make peace with the way her body moves and the way her mind has moved on and she blindly agrees to that too, too overwhelmed by the suggestion to really think. Her homework is to book it and she is scheduled in for the day after the performance.

She books the performance of Giselle with little thought, picking the best seats in the house like she always did. They are front and centre in an area usually reserved for friends and family but it must be a little thin on the ground that night because she can snag her familiar chair with ease. The amount it takes from her bank account should hurt but she’s realising more and more that maybe this is healing.

She buys a new dress for the occasion and sets it aside, knowing it will be the only thing untouched by Brooke. It’s a powerful feeling.

The repeating in my head of every last word that you said

Feels like ever since you left, you still won’t leave me

It’s a beautiful show and Brooke dances like she’s moving on air. She glides, ever jete a flying move. Her partnering is divine and for the first time, Vanessa isn’t jealous of the man that gets to hold her. It doesn’t feel like a victory when he lets go.

She feels every move Brooke makes, wants to say that the blue eyes are piercing into her but it isn’t true. Because Brooke dances for the back row, eyes cast far back and Vanessa is allowed the moment to fade away. She comes out of it feeling refreshed and free and skips down the steps lightly.

Her therapist tells her he’s proud and she feels it deep in her soul like a new fire. She hopes it will stay lit.

I guess if you can’t beat 'em, join 'em

That’s what they always say

Let’s go inside, let’s coincide

And I’ll commensurate

She lays in bed on a Wednesday morning and lets herself remember that night. She thinks about the way it felt to open the door to an empty foyer, to feel uprooted and upended, life on its back legs rearing blindly as she tried to hold on for dear life. She remembers it like one remembers their parent’s divorce, messily and full os blame and she hopes that Brooke will never do it to another person because at that moment she felt so lost.

She grounds herself, hands twisted in her duvet, head heavy on the pillow.

She gets up, makes a coffee and waters her plants.

She starts afresh.

Singin’, we’re the newest members of the broken hearts club

We still feel pretty lonely and we wish we didn’t, but

She stands on her fire escape at 4 am on a Thursday. Camera in hand she watches the world pass by as the sun rises, a golden glow reflecting off the highrises of the city she loves so dearly. Below her, on the street, she misses the flash of Blonde that jogs as the night fades. The shots she takes that morning sell for thousands. She calls then ‘Brooke Lynn’.

We’re the newest members of the broken hearts club

And we all kinda hate it, but it’s easier than love

#rpdr fanfiction #pinkgrapefruit #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #scarlet envy #yvie oddly #akeria davenport #silky nutmeg ganache #angst #song fic #s11 #from someone who took too many sciences at a-level #and clearly needs another creative outlet #I have no free time #help #concrit can suck my dick #(but feel free)

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silverlightqueen · 5 years

Text

Ruin My Life - Part 7

RML masterlist

fratboy!Jimin - angst (a lot of it too sksks), fluff, humour, smut (but not in this chapter)

Summary - y/n has some more tears left to cry, Mija hoes it up, Eunwoo makes a reappearance, a hero appears to save the day, and Namjoon is a good friend - ft. Jungkook back at it again with the ‘noona!’

Word Count - 9k+

Warnings - you will hate Jimin after this (but give him a chance), drinking, Joon and Mija being good friends again, crying, powerful men, Jungkook being cute.. uh, that’s it, lol (there will be smut in the next chapter and, be warned, it will be... hardcore)

a/n: this is unedited (as per usual sksks) but uh lmk what y’all think and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist x

taglist💕: @keylowmonie @jennafromhome @btrombley13 @springday51818

silverlightqueen masterlist

‘y/n?’ Mija’s voice breaks through my slumber, making me wake up almost instantly. ‘Babe, what are you doing here? Have you been here all night?’ she asks me as I sit up, stretching as I blink. I take in my surroundings, the corner of the library amongst the astrology books that no one ever uses, and nod, remembering this being my only escape last night. Escape from the sympathetic looks, the comforting words, the prying questions, the sad and pitying friends. Escape from Jimin. It’s been a month since I saw Jeongyeon leaving Jimin’s room, and a tough month it’s been. He hasn’t gone an hour without calling or texting me, and now he’s resorted to waiting outside my lectures for me. I’ve had to beg my lecturers to let me use the back entrance and then practically sprint home. I haven’t been to any parties or bars since it happened, practically becoming a recluse. The boys have all begun blowing up my phone too, and trying to track me down, because I haven’t spoken to any of them either. I’ve had a full frat boy cleanse, and I feel better off for it. The abortion went well, too. The procedure was quick and painless, just as Dr Choi had said, and I only had a little bit of bleeding and stomach cramps for a couple days afterwards. I’m just worried about Chungae opening her big mouth, but surely, she has more sense than that.

‘I was so worried when you didn’t come home last night. Jimin came looking for you,’ Mija says, taking the seat beside me. ‘I know. That’s why I didn’t come back. I saw him going into our block, and I couldn’t face him, so I came here,’ I say, and she places a hand on my back. ‘He said he was worried about you. He said you’ve been avoiding him and his friends, too. He said he thinks you’re angry at him, that he’s done something wrong,’ she says, and my heart aches at her words. He’s right; I am angry at him and he has done something wrong, but I still… care for him. I still don’t want him to be hurting. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to just move on from me. I sigh, tears pricking at my eyes, and she pulls me into her arms. ‘I’m so sorry, babe. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this,’ she says soothingly as I try to hold back the tears.

‘Maybe you should confront him now, y/n,’ she suggests, and I sit back, raising my eyebrows at her. ‘I really hope you’re joking because it’s way too late for that now,’ I reply. ‘No, just think about it. What have you got to lose? You can explain to him why you’ve been avoiding him and then he’ll leave you alone, so you don’t have to hide from him,’ she says, and I shake my head, the prospect of speaking to him making me feel sick. ‘You can’t stay like this forever. Avoiding him all the time,’ she says. ‘We’ve only got a few months left here, and I managed to do it for two years, so I’ll be fine,’ I reply, sniffling. ‘Yeah, because he let you. This time, he won’t. He’ll corner you one day. Then, what will you do?’ she challenges. ‘Get out of it. He’ll give it up eventually,’ I reply. ‘I don’t know, y/n. If I were you, I’d do it. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t. And you say you’re over the Jeongyeon thing, right? Why don’t you tell him about your feelings. You can say that you’re angry with him sleeping with her, but you’re willing to overlook it because of the way you feel towards him. It’s not great, but if it makes you happy, why not? I know he likes you, y/n. He always says that if he were to be with someone, it would be you. Every time he talks about not wanting to be in a relationship, it’s not because he doesn’t like you; it’s because he’s commitment-phobic,’ she says, and I sigh. ‘Listen, Mija, I want to tell him. Of course I do, because there will always be that little part of me that has hope, that thinks ‘what if’, but there’s no point. He’s told me time and time again, he’s not the relationships kind of guy. I’ll be setting myself up to fail. And I can’t just let him get away with what he did with Jeongyeon,’ I say.

‘It wouldn’t hurt you to just tell him the truth, y/n. As much as he doesn’t deserve pity, just imagine how he feels right now. One of his closest friends, an important person in his life, someone he cherishes a lot, suddenly broke things off with him by just not speaking to him anymore and has been avoiding him for the past month. He must feel pretty shitty. But so he should, I guess. At least, if you speak to him, confront him, confess to him, whatever it is you choose to do, you can put him out of that misery,’ she says, and I digest her words, realising that she’s right. Jimin is all about validation, so the fact that I’ve cut him off must not bode well for his self-esteem and confidence. I bet he feels shit. ‘You’re right,’ I groan. ‘Speak to him, y/n. You’ll regret it if you don’t,’ she says. And this time, I nod, knowing she’s right. ‘Where is he?’ I ask. ‘They’ve got football training, out on the pitch,’ she says, and I stand up quickly, knocking over my chair. ‘Wait, you’re gonna go speak to him now?’ she asks, taken aback, her eyes wide. ‘If I don’t now, I’ll lose the confidence and then I never will,’ I say, and she nods, still looking quite shocked. ‘Wait. Please can we stop at the bathroom on the way. I just… I have to fix your hair before you go. I’ve got all my stuff with me,’ she says, and I nod with a sigh, knowing it won’t make the best impression if I go speak to Jimin with bird’s nest hair. We dash out of the library, stopping at the toilets, where Mija drags a brush through my hair and slaps some moisturiser and foundation on my face. Followed by concealer, and contour, and brows, and mascara, and highlight, and lipstick, and- ‘Mija! I haven’t got all day!’ I exclaim. ‘Sorry, sorry, let’s go,’ she says, both of us dashing out of the bathroom, and out of the block. ‘I swear to God, life is not on our side right now!’ Mija nearly screams when we step out into the rain. I supress a laugh, knowing there was no point in her beautifying me, and start to drag her down towards the pitch.

As we get closer, my eyes scan the pitch, looking for Jimin, the butterflies in my stomach getting worse by the second. ‘There he is,’ Mija says, pointing to where he stands in the middle of the pitch, chatting to Jungkook. His hair is pasted to his forehead due to the rain, his shirt and shorts clinging to his body, and I try not to let that distract me from what I came to do. It feels like I’ve lost control of my legs, my feet taking steps when I’d much rather be walking the other way. Jungkook spots me first, nudging Jimin who turns to see me marching purposefully towards him, my stomach turning, rain pouring down onto us all. Jungkook steps away when I near Jimin, leaving the two of us alone. ‘Jimin, I have something to say to you,’ I say, the boys pausing their game, all of them watching us with interest, too far away to hear any of my words. I feel like I’m going to be sick, motivated by some weird surge of confidence that only slightly outweighs my urge to run back inside. ‘y/n, I’ve been trying to speak to you for the last month, and you choose now? This isn’t the time,’ he says tiredly, and his reluctance to speak to me is unexpected, making me feel sick inside. ‘Please, Jimin. If I don’t say it now, I never will,’ I plead, and he sighs before nodding, wiping some of the rain from his face. And then it hits me. I am totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with this boy. Even his sleeping with Jeongyeon hasn’t put me off him in the slightest; and all of the things I wanted to shout and scream at him about dissolve on my tongue. And I know exactly what it is I want to say to him.

‘You said to me, that day in the library, that we should sleep together, one last time, unless I caught feelings again, remember?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘Well, I broke the deal, Jimin. I fell for you in those few days we spent together. Harder and harder by the minute, until I was so consumed by my feelings for you that it hurt to even be around you, knowing you weren’t, and would never be, mine. So I used other stupid excuses and distanced myself from you, to try and get over you, to protect myself from the heartbreak, but my feelings for you have only grown in this last month. So that’s why I’m here,’ I say, and take a step towards him, leaving us mere inches apart. This close, I can see the water droplets on his face, the curling eyelashes that frame sparkling brown eyes. If we were any closer, I’m sure he’d be able to hear how hard my heart is beating.

‘I’m done. I’m done protecting myself, shielding myself, trying to stop the hurt. Because that’s life. And it’s only making me unhappy. So I give you permission, Jimin,’ I say, taking his hand in mine and pressing his hand to my chest. ‘My heart is yours. Do what you want with it. Look after it, keep it safe, or break it. I don’t care. I’ve missed you over this past month, almost more than I could bear. I’ve missed you annoying me, pushing me close to the edge all the time. I’ve missed the other side of the bed being taken by you, because it’s been empty and cold, and I hate it. I’ve missed your eyes, your body, your smile, your scent, your taste, the way you run your hands through your hair, the way you used to put your arms around me, the way our legs used to tangle together, and you used to hold me close to you. I’ve missed every single part of you, and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve missed you more than I should have, and I hope you’ve been missing me too. I just want you to come back to me. I want you to fuck up my nights, bring it all on, make everything wrong. I was so scared of you ruining my life, but now that’s changed. Because I want you to ruin my life, Park Jimin,’ I say, almost all in one breath, holding his hand against my heart the entire time, our eyes locked together. It’s almost like the world has stopped, just the two of us in the pouring rain, my words floating in the air between us.

And then my world falls apart.

‘y/n, I’m sorry,’ he breathes out, pulling his hand away and taking a step back from me. ‘Jimin,’ I whisper, feeling my heart ache. ‘I just… I can’t,’ he says, eyes dark and hard, face set with no emotion. ‘Jimin, I don’t care if you don’t think you’re good for me, or if you’re not the relationships kinda guy. Just give us a try,’ I plead, my voice wobbling, knowing how desperate I sound. ‘y/n, stop,’ he says, turning his head away from me, and I take another step towards him. ‘No, Jimin, please just give us a chance. I know we can work,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘I… I slept with Jeongyeon,’ he says, and I show no reaction, registering the surprise in his face at my lack of anger or sadness… or anything. ‘I know, Jimin. And I don’t care,’ I say, watching his mouth fall open before he closes it swiftly. ‘You don’t care? y/n, that’s not you. You’d never allow someone to cheat on you,’ he says, confused. ‘Yeah, but it wasn’t cheating. We weren’t together. Just one chance, Jimin,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘Tell me what’s making you say no, and I’ll try to fix it, change it,’ I say, and he sighs. ‘You can’t, y/n,’ he says, and I can see him hesitating. ‘Why?’ I demand, heart hurting. ‘Nothing can change the fact that… that I’m not in love with you,’ he says, the words breaking my heart into two. I take a step back from him, my hands balled up together at my chest as the words resound in my ears. ‘y/n,’ he says, reaching out towards me, and I flinch away from his touch, the way he retracts his hand physically hurting me. ‘y/n, please,’ he says, and I shake my head, looking up at him, my eyes meeting his, trying to see any kind of deceit in them. But there’s nothing. Nothing but cold, hard truth. ‘No, Jimin. You made me believe we had something. You strung me along, kept me as your little toy just so you could break my heart in the end. Planning our family, our kids, our life together. Staying the morning after, the afternoon after, even the night after. Taking me out to dinner, giving me a promise ring, calling me pet names. Confiding in me, trusting me, being vulnerable with me. I thought it was genuine, I thought you cared for me. But you were just using me. How long did you plan to use me, Jimin? Until the next pretty girl walked into your life? Until you fell in love with someone, someone that never would’ve been me, which you knew all along?’ I demand, hysterically, the tears that fall down my face mingling with the rain. He stays silent, staring at me blankly, and it’s like I can see his walls going up, blocking me out in the cold like I’ve never been before. ‘And, the worst thing is that after all this, after me being the one hurting and in love, I’ll still be the one hurting. You can just continue on with your perfect life, find someone to replace me with. But you’re irreplaceable in my life, Jimin,’ I sob, whole body shaking with my tears. ‘y/n,’ he says, staring at me with an unreadable expression, and I shake my head. ‘Fuck you,’ I whisper, turning away from him and marching off the pitch, tears still streaming down my face, head held high.

‘You’re not gonna like what I’ve got to say,’ Mija says from the door of my bedroom, and I pause Dynasty on Fallon’s face, scrunched up in irritation. I can’t say I blame her for pulling the slightly unattractive face; life is pretty shit at the moment, for the both of us. ‘Don’t say it, then,’ I reply, and Mija rolls her eyes. ‘You know I’m gonna say it anyway,’ she says, slowly making her way into my room, keeping a safe distance from my bed. ‘You’re a mess,’ she says bluntly, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘What’s new?’ I ask, and she shakes her head. ‘I’m serious, y/n. You’ve missed like a week’s worth of lectures, not to mention all the parties, and everyone has been asking about you. They’re all worried, y/n, and so am I. You’ve been wearing those clothes for over a week. You haven’t showered. Your hair looks like a birds’ nest, no exaggeration. You’ve been eating nothing but junk food, not a single piece of fruit, so I can’t even imagine how constipated you must be. Your room stinks of stale food and, I’m sorry to say it but, body odour. When was the last time you brushed your teeth, or washed your face, or dragged a comb through your hair? I get that you’re heartbroken, but it’s gone too far now. It’s time for me to intervene,’ Mija says, each word hitting me like a ton of bricks; she’s right, I am a mess.

It’s been a week and three days since Jimin brutally rejected me on the football pitch. Since then, I have not left my room except to get my takeaways from the front door. My phone has been blowing up; texts and calls from the ASP boys (except Jimin obviously), people in my classes, loads of our sorority friends, our accommodation neighbours, Eunwoo and other boys from his frat. It seems everyone’s heard about what a sad embarrassment I am. And Mija’s right; as disgusting as it is, I haven’t showered or brushed my hair or teeth. I really am the definition of a mess. Yes, it’s been hard, but it’s no excuse to live like this. ‘Fuck, I’m vile,’ I mutter, throwing the covers off me, the sound of cellophane and plastic crunching from all the empty food packets on my bed, and jump up onto my feet. ‘Do not come any closer,’ Mija says, holding out a hand, her other hand covering her nose. ‘Sorry,’ I say sheepishly, going past her into my en suite. I peel off all my clothes and throw them straight into the bin, knowing no amount of fabric softener and washing powder will ever make me want to wear them again (good thing they’re only sweats). I climb into the shower, not caring what the temperature of the water is and let it pour down over my head, just standing there for minutes. Then I shampoo my hair three times (it needed it, trust me) and wash my body four times (needed it too) before conditioning twice, trying to restore my usually perfect hair to itself again. Once I’m done in the shower (after around an hour), I brush my teeth and then head back into my bedroom wrapped up in a towel to find it clean again, Mija stood in the middle of the room wearing one of my masks over her face and gloves on her hands. My bed is stripped of its sheets, presumably being washed, and a black bag sits beside the door, probably full of empty Chinese food boxes, curry containers and pizza boxes. ‘You’re welcome,’ she says before I can even thank her. ‘Thank you, best best-friend-in-the-world,’ I say, throwing my arms around her and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. ‘God, you actually smell good again,’ she says, and I shove her jokingly.

‘Right, I’ve got something else to say that you won’t like,’ she says, and I lift an eyebrow. ‘Is that why you’ve cleaned my room?’ I ask. ‘No. Okay, maybe,’ she says sheepishly, and I roll my eyes. ‘Hit me with it,’ I say, bracing myself. ‘I want you to come out with me tonight,’ she says tentatively. ‘Oh. No,’ I say, sitting down atop my bed, and she sighs. ‘Please, y/n. We used to go out together every weekend. We’ve missed like eight weekends in a row,’ she says, and my shoulders drop from tiredness. ‘Mija, I’m really not in the mood to go to any frat parties tonight, and sorority parties are always shit, you know that. I don’t want to run into anyone,’ I say, and her eyes light up. ‘I am so glad you said that, because now you can’t say no. I don’t want you to go to a party with me; I wanna go to a bar. And you can’t say no, so start getting ready,’ she says, heading towards the door. ‘Oh, and wear something nice! I’m wearing my black bodycon dress with the black and white racer jacket!’ she calls over her shoulder. I sigh, heading over to my wardrobe and throwing it open, eyes scanning over the countless items I’ve never worn due to being self-conscious. And then I make a decision. Fuck it; I’m turning into a hoe tonight, and ain’t no one gonna stop me.

‘Damn, girl, is that a second skin?’ Mija asks when I walk into the living room, looking me up and down appreciatively. ‘You know it. I’m going full hoe mode tonight, teetering on whore mode,’ I say, and Mija’s eyebrows raise, eyes wide. ‘Okay, I gotchu, sis, I gotchu. We gon’ find you a man tonight, no little boys for you, baby girl,’ Mija says, and I shoot her a wide smile, on her wave length. I desperately need a rebound. I’m dressed in a pair of jeans that don’t quite reach my ankle, so tight that if I breathe out too aggressively, the button will fly off and hit somebody in the face, and a black wraparound crop top, showing off a little bit of stomach and a lot of cleavage. On my feet are a pair of black sock boots, a gold choker around my neck and gold hoops in my ears. I don’t carry a bag, knowing I’ll probably leave it somewhere, and my phone is tucked into my front jeans pocket. I don’t have any money with me because I don’t need it; I can get an uber on my phone, I have apple pay if I decide to get a kebab or something on the way home, and I’ll be getting gullible men to buy me drinks tonight (okay, I might be a feminist, but that doesn’t mean I’m opposed to a man paying for me if he so wishes, alright? Don’t judge me). ‘Right, let’s go, then,’ Mija says, both of us heading out of the apartment and sneaking down to where our Uber is waiting before our enthusiastic RA sees us and interrogates us as to where we’re going. We jump into the Uber, the short ride to the bar taken up by us taking selfies and videos for Snapchat (gotta let everyone know I’m still a bad bitch).

When we arrive, the queue is relatively long to get in considering it’s the least trashy bar in the area, and we trudge to the back of the queue, Mija cussing me out for taking so long to get ready otherwise we already would’ve been inside, hoeing it up. And then someone shouts after us, both of us turning to look. ‘Hey, y/n! Mija!’ Chen from KPN says, waving at us from the door of the bar. The bouncer looks between us suspiciously. ‘Y’all gotta queue, you know?’ the bouncer says, and Chen smiles at him. ‘They were with me, and I’m VIP,’ Chen says, holding up a VIP card that I didn’t know existed for this bar. ‘Then what are y’all doing outside?’ the bouncer asks sceptically, and Chen laughs. ‘They were having a smoke,’ Chen replies. ‘Fine, go in,’ the bouncer says, Mija and I exchanging a glance as we follow Chen in. ‘Thanks, Chen, you’re a real one,’ I say to the boy who grins at us. ‘No problem. It’s not like it inconvenienced me anyway. You two look nice,’ he says, looking us up and down as he leads us towards the bar. ‘Thanks, Chen. So do you,’ I reply, admiring the boy’s ass in his jeans. As much as I find Chen ridiculously attractive, trying to get him into bed would be fruitless, considering he’s gay. Though, that fact isn’t common knowledge; I only know from when I was dating Eunwoo and accidently stumbled into the wrong bedroom after a very long night to find Chen and a very handsome stranger lying in bed together. Well, doing more than just lying anyway. Long story short, Chen freaked out, told the guy to leave because no one knew he was gay, and I told him to relax and that I wouldn’t tell anyway, to get back to business and then I left. We’ve never spoken about it since, and I remained true to my word, not breathing a single thing about him to anyway, not even my boyfriend at the time.

‘What do you two want to drink?’ he asks, clasping onto my hand and dragging me through the throng of people waiting for drinks. They let him through to the front because he’s ridiculously handsome and life’s unfair that way, and I reach a hand out to pull Mija through with me before realising she’s already disappeared. ‘Well, Mija’s gone, but I want the hard stuff. Hit me with the shots, Chen,’ I say, taking a seat at a stool, my hand still in Chen’s as he orders two shots of tequila, one each, flashing his VIP card. ‘How did you get a VIP card?’ I ask him, and he grins. ‘Dad’s best mate own the bar, so I get drinks on the house and free entry for my friends and myself,’ he says, and I nod, impressed. ‘Well, I might be gracing the bar with my presence more often now,’ I say, Chen laughing as the bartender puts the shots down beside us. We clink the glasses together, downing them in one, and as I put the glass back down, my eyes focus on the group of people dancing in the middle of the bar to the obscure RnB song playing in the background. Or rather, my eyes focus on Jimin in the group of people dancing, his hands on a girl, dick pressed against her ass. My heart stops, and then I feel rage bubbling up when I see that the girl is Jeongyeon. What a dick.

‘What’s happened?’ Chen asks, and I jut my chin out in Jimin’s direction, Chen spotting him immediately. ‘Four more shots please,’ Chen says to the bartender who puts them down almost instantly, reading my mind. We take two each in quick succession, my throat burning, but I ignore it, knowing I need to get fucked if I wanna enjoy this night. ‘Here, don’t think about him. Let’s have a god night tonight. It’s been a while since we had a night out together. Not since you broke up with Eunwoo – not that I blame you, he is a bit of a dick. Let’s make this a good catch-up… unless you were looking to be dicked down? Because you know I ain’t the one for that,’ he says, making me laugh. ‘I was, but that can wait for later. Let’s have a catch-up,’ I say to him, and he grins, ordering a gin and tonic for himself, and a martini for me. We head over to an empty booth with a good view of the bar, and then he makes me sit on the side where I can’t see the dancefloor and, more importantly, Jimin and Jeongyeon.

We sit and gossip for ages, being brought a steady flow of drinks due to Chen’s VIP card, and so after a while, he’s bursting for the toilet. ‘Go, you idiot, don’t hold it,’ I laugh, my words slightly slurred, due to the fact I lost count of how many drinks I’ve had around an hour ago. I get out my phone, seeing a text from Mija to say that she saw me with Chen and she’s gone home with some guy called Jackson, and to let her know if I need her. She’s also sent me Jackson’s address, in case he’s a serial killer. I send a text back telling her about the only thing he’ll want to murder, and before I can even lock my phone, Chen’s sliding back into the seat opposite me. ‘That was quick, I thought there’d be at least a bit of a queue,’ I say, my words trailing off when I realise that Chen is, in fact, not back, and Eunwoo is now sat opposite me. ‘Hey, y/n,’ he says with a handsome grin, my eyes trailing over his appearance. He looks amazing, as per usual, his dark clothes hugging his slim figure nicely. ‘I ignored your texts for a reason, Woo,’ I say, taking a sip of my drink, and he laughs. ‘I just wanted to check up on you. I heard about what Jimin did to you, and I wanted to see if you were okay. I actually stopped by one day and dropped you off some cupcakes from Betty’s, because I know they’re your favourites, but Mija must not have told you,’ he says gently, his words surprisingly making my heart melt. I did, in fact, receive some Betty’s cupcakes (which I’d devoured within minutes), but Mija hadn’t told me they were from Eunwoo, instead taking the credit for herself. I don’t blame her – she obviously didn’t want me to know that my ex was being nice to me, knowing I have zero willpower and probably would’ve jumped back into his bed again.

‘Thanks, Woo, that’s really nice of you. But, yeah, I’m fine,’ I say, knocking back my drink, and Eunwoo waves his hand in the air, summoning a waiter. ‘Hell, yeah, you are,’ he replies under his breath, obviously not expecting me to hear, and the waiter arrives within seconds. ‘Can we get two margaritas please? Be generous with the tequila and stingy with the orange,’ Eunwoo says, flashing a VIP card between his fingers. I’m weak for a powerful man and the way he looks combined with the way the waiter goes rushing off to get the drinks makes my head spin slightly. ‘Woo, come on. I’m not making this mistake again,’ I say, and he clutches his chest. ‘Did you really just call me a mistake? I’m hurt. It’s not the first time, though. Imagine your older brother telling you that your dad told him that after you rushed KPN, he wished he’d wrapped it before he tapped it?’ Eunwoo says, coaxing a surprised laugh out of me, the boy smiling at my reaction. ‘Woo, I’m serious. I might be drunk, but I’m not drunk enough to go back to you,’ I say, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘I don’t want you to come back to me. I just wanna have a drink together,’ he says, and I look at him sceptically. He holds up his hands in a surrendering motion and I laugh. ‘I’m being serious, y/n. As much as I miss being in a relationship with you, I miss you as a person. We used to be good friends before we actually got together, and I miss having you in my life. Is it that much of a crime to want to catch up with you?’ he asks, and I feel my heart and head arguing, both saying opposite things. My heart wins; ‘fine, we’ll have a catch up.’

A couple hours (and more than a couple drinks) later, Eunwoo and I are both laughing at something. I forgot what it is though, we started laughing so long ago. ‘What time is it?’ I ask him, and he checks his expensive watch. ‘9.42. Wait, no, 4.17. Wait, I don’t know. I can’t tell the time,’ he says, thrusting his arm to me, knocking over an empty glass in the process. ‘Eunwoo!’ I exclaim, putting the glass upright again, trying not to laugh, before I take his arm into my hands, his soft skin against my fingers. ‘It’s… 1.28. How did you get 9.42 and 4.17 from that?’ I laugh, but he doesn’t laugh along, eyes trained on my hands on him. ‘Woo,’ I start to say, but he gets up hastily. ‘Let’s dance. We haven’t even danced all night,’ he says, pulling me up after him, leading me over to the dancefloor before I have a chance to reply. Not like I’m going to disagree in my inebriated state; I’m always down to dance, even more so with a bit of alcohol in me. A song by The Weeknd pulses through the room as Eunwoo and I merge into the group of dancers, his hands landing on my waist. The alcohol in my system seems to push out the warnings and the bad memories with the boy in front of me, and instead all I can think about is the fact that he’s extremely good-looking with better-than-subpar dick. I let his hands roam all over me, my own hands clasping onto the back of his neck, our bodies pushed together. He isn’t an amazing dancer, not like Jimin, but he’s okay, and he lets me do most of the work, my body rolling against his in a way that feels nice in a lazy way, like a summer breeze or a cool glass of Vanilla Coke (I don’t care what anyone says but Vanilla Coke is elite and that is that on that). After a while, I realise that his thigh is pushed between my two legs and he notices me noticing. Instead of reprimanding him as I should, I begin to grind down onto his thigh. His mouth drops slightly, hands clutching at lower back, before he leans down. ‘D’you wanna go have a smoke?’ he asks against my ear, and I think his offer over for a moment. It’s obvious he’s not just offering me weed, he wants to take me home. And I find myself being up for it. I know he’ll give me a good time, and he’s definitely clean, refusing to ever have sex without a condom. It just has to be a one-time thing.

‘Let’s get one more drink for the road first,’ I suggest, and he grins a satisfied grin. ‘I’ll go get them, you go sit in the booth first,’ he says, both of us going separate ways. I take my seat at the booth we were sat at before, thankfully still empty, and pull out my phone to check for any texts from Mija, but there’s nothing. Eunwoo slides into the booth opposite me as I lock my phone, and I look up with a smile, before realising it’s not Eunwoo. ‘Jimin,’ I breathe out, smile disappearing as I flinch back from him. ‘y/n, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but I had to come check on you,’ he begins, angering me to the core. ‘I’m fine,’ I spit out, and he sighs. ‘y/n, please. I’m worried about you. Why are you with him?’ he asks, and I shake my head, fury coursing through my veins. ‘Don’t act like you care. You lost the right to be concerned about me and my life,’ I hiss, hands balled into fists with anger. ‘y/n, don’t do this. I just need to know that you’re okay with him, that you’re safe, that he’s not forcing you into anything,’ he asks, completely closed off, no emotion coming through at all. ‘I’m okay, I’m safe, and I’m not being forced into anything. He just wanted to check up on me. See if I was okay, after what you did,’ I say without a hint of emotion, the words dead and cold.

He flinches at the way I speak to him, but doesn’t say anything, knowing he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He goes to reply but Eunwoo appears then, putting four shots down onto the table. I wait for one of them to start on the other, but it doesn’t happen; instead, Eunwoo smiles a brilliant smile and holds out a hand to Jimin. ‘Hey, hyung, how are you?’ he asks, Jimin taking his hand hesitantly. ‘I’m alright, Eunwoo, how are you?’ Jimin replies warily. ‘I’m good, thank you. Here, y/n, I thought we might as well go for the hard stuff,’ he says, pushing two of the shots towards me. We both down them within seconds, Jimin watching us with an unreadable expression, before I rise from the booth. ‘Thank you for your concern, Jimin, but we’re leaving now. I’m sure Jeongyeon’s waiting for you somewhere. Probably in the toilets,’ I say venomously, and I know it’s a new low, but I can’t help it, and I feel even better when he opens and closes his mouth like a fish, not knowing what to say. I put my arm around Eunwoo’s waist and lead him away, feeling like a boss bitch with the knowledge that Jimin is most definitely watching us walk away now, his eyes – without a doubt – trained on my ass, or rather, Eunwoo’s hand on my ass.

Once Eunwoo and I step outside the club, the cold air hits me and I feel my head becoming light with all the alcohol I’ve consumed tonight. Eunwoo holds me up so I don’t fall and leads me to an Uber he must have already ordered, helping me in and sliding in beside me. He makes small talk with the driver, one big hand on my leg, as I send a quick text to Mija to let her know my whereabouts. I lock my phone once done, and sling a leg over Eunwoo’s lap, who regards me with a predatory gaze as one of my hands rests on his chest. He places one hand on my chin, tilting my head up and gently brushing his lips against mine before pulling away. My eyes flutter closed, waiting for him to continue, and then I feel his lips on mine again, this time with more force. He pushes my lips apart, tongue delving into my mouth within moments, and his hand wraps into my hair, pulling me closer. I let him take control, one hand still on his chest and the other on the side of his face, our mouths moving in sync. He distracts me completely, pushing Jimin out of my mind, and after a few minutes, we pull up outside the frat house.

Eunwoo pushes some notes into the driver’s hand as a tip and leads me up to the house, our hands clasped together. He pushes the unlocked door open and leads me through the familiar frat house that I spent countless days and nights in, cooking for my friends, having movie nights in the living room with more of us than there were seats, sleeping in Eunwoo’s room, and not-sleeping in Eunwoo’s room. When we enter his room, I’m hit with such a strong sense of nostalgia that I freeze in the doorway. He sits down on the bed, looking up at me with an amused smile, and leans back on his hands. ‘Weird?’ he asks, and I nod, still unable to move. And then, in my drunken state, it’s almost as though this image of himself he’s managed to put into my mind tonight melts away, revealing the boy he truly is. The boy that used to manipulate me and lie to me. The boy that was so possessive he’d manage to make me feel guilty every time I spoke to a different boy. The boy that’d win me over with gifts and sex and showing me off to everyone. The boy that lost me the second he beat me up for texting a boy in my class about the assignment we’d been set. ‘I’m just gonna go toilet real quick, and then I’ll be back. Just sit on the bed, make yourself at home,’ he says with a smile, sinister now rather than sexy as it was in the bar. I nod as he gets up and I take the seat he was sat in, waiting until I hear the lock on the door click.

My breathing starts to speed up, my mind swimming, and tears start to fall from my face. Despite still being drunk, I know that this is the worst decision I could make if I decide to go through with this. How could I have even kissed him? I check my phone, dozens of texts and calls from Mija, presumably to ask what the fuck I was thinking, and I rise from the bed, going light-headed. I stumble towards the door, trying to be as quiet as possible, and leave his room, feeling better the second I do. And then I spot his door, knowing this could be a lifeline for me. I knock gently, whispering his name through the door, and he opens the door. ‘y/n? You came home with him?’ Chen demands, and I dissolve into floods of tears, Chen pulling me into his arms. ‘God, what were you thinking? I saw you sat with him, but you looked like you were having a go at him, so I thought you’d be okay to deal with him yourself. I knew I should’ve come over,’ he says, self-deprecatingly, and I shake my head. ‘Don’t, it’s my own fault. But, please, Chen, help me get out before he comes out the toilet,’ I beg, and Chen nods, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the stairs.

I hear Eunwoo’s voice saying my name, probably wondering where I am, and Chen does too, speeding up as he drags me down the stairs. He throws open the front door and then I realise my shoes are no longer on my feet, having kicked them off outside Eunwoo’s room as I always did. He may be a frat boy, but his room was always spotless, and he’d have a fit if someone wore shoes in his room. ‘Chen, my shoes,’ I say, a hiccup breaking up my words, and Chen sighs. ‘Come on,’ he says, lifting me up into his arms and out through the front door, shutting it behind him. The cold air makes my head spin again, and I burst into tears again, audibly sobbing into Chen’s chest as he walks away from the house. He walks for a few minutes, my sobs not ceasing the entire time, and it’s only when he stops, I look away from his chest to work out where we are. The sight I see makes me cry harder. ‘I know, I know, but I couldn’t exactly walk you to your apartment, and Mija’s probably getting dicked down somewhere so she couldn’t get you, and my car’s in the shop so I can’t drive you home, and I’m not putting you in a taxi by yourself in this state,’ he says all in one breath. ‘How can I go in there? I can’t face him,’ I say, and Chen shakes his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He dials a number and it rings for a few moments before the person answers.

‘Hey, Namjoon. Yeah, I’m good. Basically, I’ve got y/n with me, outside your frat house right now. Can she stay the night with you? It’s a long story, she’ll explain it to you. Yeah, just don’t let… him know she’s here. Okay, thanks bro. In a minute,’ Chen says, tucking his phone back into his pocket once he’s done. ‘I didn’t know you and Namjoon were friends,’ I say, having calmed down now. ‘No one does. Both being frat leaders, we have to stay in contact to make sure our frat events and parties don’t clash, and we’ve ended up becoming friends over the years,’ Chen explains, just as Namjoon appears around the side of the house. ‘Here, come through the back, Jimin’s in the living room so he’ll see you otherwise,’ Namjoon says. ‘You’re gonna have to carry her, she left her shoes,’ Chen says, Namjoon sighing before holding out his arms. ‘Sorry, I would’ve gone barefoot, but not in your frat,’ I say as Chen hands me to Namjoon. ‘It’s alright. Thanks for looking after her, Chen,’ Namjoon says, and Chen smiles. ‘It was no problem. I’ll see you soon, y/n, stay safe, babe,’ he says, and I smile. ‘See you, Chen,’ I reply, watching as he leaves. ‘Right, come on, you weirdo,’ Namjoon says, carrying me around to the back of the house, ‘you’ve got a story to tell me. Getting dropped off by Chen in the middle of the night, barefoot and crying. Who are you, Cinderella?’

‘Wait. So let me get this straight. You actually were pregnant?’ Namjoon asks, and I nod as I shovel cereal into my mouth, tucked up amongst his (probably disgusting) bedsheets. ‘And you got an abortion?’ he asks, and I nod. ‘And Chungae saw you?’ he asks, and I sigh. ‘Yes, Namjoon,’ I say, and he becomes sheepish. ‘Sorry, I’m just… surprised. Does Jimin knows?’ he asks. ‘No, and you can’t tell him,’ I say, and he nods. ‘I wouldn’t anyway. But, y/n, how the hell have you gotten through all this alone?’ he asks. ‘Well, I had Mija,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘You know what I mean. She’s your best friend, and probably your best support system, but it seems to me you’ve only got one person in your life at the moment. What about your parents?’ he asks. ‘They don’t know. They’d be furious if they found out. I’m pretty sure they think I’m still a good little virgin,’ I say, and he laughs at that. ‘But, yeah, they’re abroad, in Cuba which is where their business is based. I go and stay with them during summer,’ I say, and he nods. ‘y/n, you should’ve come to me. You know I’ve always got your back,’ he says, and his words make my heart warm. ‘I know, Joon, but I just couldn’t bear to face anyone. All I got were pitying looks and I knew what everyone would be thinking when they see me. I can’t put myself through that, Joon. You know what I’m like,’ I say, and he nods, knowing exactly what I’m like. ‘But you know what I’m like, too, and I wouldn’t have pitied you, y/n. I’m actually proud of you. You’ve handled yourself with such dignity and class. Park looks like the dickhead, and you look like the bad bitch who, yes, she caught feelings, but she also told him what for on the football pitch,’ he says, and I laugh. ‘Thanks, Joon. I appreciate that,’ I say, watching with mild disgust as he pours my leftover cereal milk into his mouth.

‘No problem. Also, I know this really isn’t the right time, but I’ve been thinking,’ he begins. ‘No,’ I say, and he sighs. ‘You haven’t even heard what I want to say yet!’ he exclaims indignantly, and I shrug. ‘Don’t care. I know it’s gonna be something stupid,’ I say, and he looks at me with mock hurt. ‘Fine, tell me,’ I say, leaning back, and he grins a triumphant grin. ‘I’ve been planning our end-of-year rager, and as you know, it is our last year at school,’ he says, and I nod. Despite all being different ages, our course lengths worked out that we all finish the same year. Jungkook was supposed to finish next year but he’s been put onto a degree apprenticeship, meaning that he still has a year left, but will be completing his last year at the company who offered him the degree apprenticeship, so he won’t be attending university next year at all, no lectures, exams, nothing. Because of that, he begged (and begged) the university to let him join in with this year’s graduation so he could graduate with the rest of them, and they gave in eventually.

‘So, I wanted to do something different with this year’s party,’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow. ASP’s end-of-year parties are infamous; more booze than anyone needs, music loud enough to be heard a mile-off, no entry fee or limit on people. They’re always insane and almost always end with the police showing up, and the house is always a state at the end, all of the boys coming in over summer to get it back to normal, ready for their start-of-year party. ‘Go on,’ I prompt, and he smiles. ‘I’ve booked a function room in a hotel instead,’ he says, and my eyes widen. ‘Oh, okay then. ASP going fancy now then, huh?’ I ask, and he laughs. ‘We all gotta wear fancy shit, and there’s gonna be fancy food and fancy drink, but not so fancy music,’ he says, coaxing a laugh from me. ‘Sounds amazing, Joon, honestly. I don’t know if I’ll be attending, though, not after everything,’ I say, and he frowns. ‘Well, I was gonna ask you something else,’ he says, and I side-eye him. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to be my date,’ he says, and I raise my eyebrows. ‘Your date? Why?’ I ask, and he shrugs. ‘Because you won’t come otherwise. And I’m putting a limit on the guest list because if there’s too many people, it’ll turn mad, and I paid a very big deposit that I want back. If you’re not a date/plus one of one of the frat boys, you’re not coming,’ he says, and my mouth drops open.

‘What? What kind of ASP end-of-year party is that?’ I demand, and he laughs. ‘I don’t want it to be an ASP rager like normal. I want it to actually be a celebration of our time here, and what good would it be if everyone at our Uni was there? It’s better this way because it’ll only be our close friends and we can actually have a good time and enjoy ourselves, rather than getting absolutely fucked, passing out on the floor, and waking up the next morning with your shirt and shoes missing, lying in a pool of your own vomit,’ he says. ‘But that’s what ASP end-of-year parties are all about,’ I whine, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Would it make you feel better if you knew we’re having one of the normal end-of-year parties as well, just with less of a budget because it’s going mainly to the posh one,’ he says, and I grin. As disgusting and messy and dirty they are, the ragers are tradition, and it’d be wrong to leave without them having another one. It'd ruin Namjoon’s legacy as the best ASP president the frat has seen.

‘But, anyway. Will you be my date?’ he asks, and I hesitate. ‘Let me think it over. When is it?’ I ask, and he thinks for a moment. ‘Seven weeks yesterday, because the big rager is the Saturday before,’ he says, and I can’t believe how quick the end of the year has come around already. ‘I’ll get back to you, at the latest, the weekend before the big rager. Is that enough notice?’ I ask, and he frowns. ‘Well, now, because if you say no, then I’ll have to find someone else within two weeks,’ he grumbles, and I roll my eyes. ‘Joon, don’t be ridiculous. You’d find someone easy. You could go outside, ask the first person you see to be your date, and it’s 90% likely they’d say yes. You’ll be fine finding a date,’ I say. ‘Only 90%?’ he jokes, and before I can give a stinging reply, someone knocks at the door.

Both of our eyes widen, panic on both of our faces, and it’s not until the person speaks that we act; ‘Namjoon hyung? It’s Jungkook.’ Joon pulls me up from the bed, calling out ‘one second’, and pushes me towards his closet. The second I open the door and see the clothes and empty takeout boxes piled up on the floor, I turn to look at Namjoon and shake my head. ‘Get in, y/n!’ he hisses, and I shake my head. ‘No way!’ I hiss back. ‘Hyung, you okay? I can hear whispering,’ Jungkook calls, and I motion for Namjoon to just let him in. Namjoon opens the door a tiny crack, looking to see if there’s anyone else in the corridor, and I hear Jungkook ask, ‘hyung, wha-’ but Namjoon pulls him into the room before he can finish his sentence, Jungkook’s words cut off by a yelp. ‘Ow,’ he says indignantly, rubbing at his arm as Namjoon shuts the door, before Jungkook spots me, staring at me in surprise. I don’t blame him. I look a right state; messy bedhead, dressed in a pair of Namjoon’s far-too-big socks and a far-too-big t-shirt that probably does nothing to hide my boobs and black panties I wear beneath.

‘Noona?!’ he exclaims, moving forward to hug me, and I hold a finger up to mouth. ‘Shut it!’ I hiss as Namjoon shushes him, Jungkook stopping in his tracks. ‘Hey, JK,’ I say quietly, pulling the younger boy into a hug. ‘Noona, where have you been? I’ve missed you,’ he says sadly, and I laugh. It’s funny; I only spent a few days with Jimin, less than a week, I think, and I formed such a strong bond with him and the boys over that time. It warms my heart that Jungkook seems so happy to see me. ‘Wallowing. But, never mind that, you can’t tell anyone I’m here, okay?’ I say, and he nods, pretending to zip his lips shut. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’ he asks, and Namjoon and I exchange a glance. ‘Long story short, I got drunk, decided to go home with Eunwoo, then realised I was an idiot, tried to escape before he realised I was gone with help from Chen who then brought me here to spend the night with this lanky idiot who hogs the blankets,’ I say, Namjoon letting out an indignant noise.

‘Um, okay. But honestly, noona, you can’t just disappear on us like that. We missed you, but we were worried as well. Mija noona would never let us into the apartment when we tried to come over. Just because of what happened with my stupid hyung, you can’t let that break our friendships apart. Okay?’ he asks, and I nod, endeared to no end at how sweet he’s being. You’d never think this was the boy nearly tearing my pussy apart with aforementioned stupid hyung. I sit down on the bed in my previous position, completely lying down except for my head which rests against the headboard, probably giving me a very attractive double chin, with my feet in Namjoon’s lap. Jungkook joins us on the bed, crossing his long legs adorably, and grinning at me. ‘Has hyung told you about our posh party?’ he asks, and I nod, trying to hold back a laugh when he says, ‘will you be my date then, noona?’

#bts #bts series #BTS jimin #jimin #park jimin #bts park jimin #jimin fanfiction #park jimin smut #park jimin au #park jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #bts angst #bts au #bts smut #bts imagines

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alfredosauce50 · 5 years

Text

Who’s the bad guy? (1p + 2p America x reader) 8

Wordcount: 2,953 The reader is referred to as she/her

"We're gonna go crash Alfred's."

A mushy, cookie-dough-like substance began falling out of the blonde's mouth as it separated wide open to gawk at Allen. Falling onto the marbled counter like wet sand, you were also too shocked to even realize the mess he was making. Allen approached this situation so calmly that it was odd, but the pain that was bleeding out of his eyes was so clear. He never meant for this to happen, he would rather die than let this event take place on his timeline. Unfortunately for him, you would be in imminent danger if he wasn't around to protect you. A tense silence fell around you three after his bold statement, but it was Alfred's explosion of excitement that finally crushed the ice that had formed.

"We are?" He started with uncertainty. Azure eyes wide with disbelief, they melted into a luminous shine of joy when he watched his cousin nod slowly. "Holy shit, we are!" Alfred then exclaimed, spinning on his heel to spit the remainders of chewed up cookie-bit in the bin. Thrown into an overdrive of euphoria, he could feel his wounds pound to the rhythm of his speeding heart.

Shrilling like a child, he hopped off the chair and started dancing all around you two, his contagious energy feeding off to you and spreading a beautiful smile on your face. Soon, the two of you were jumping on the spot and squealing like a bunch of children, much to Allen's displeasure.

Alfred couldn't even begin to start on the thoughts that were running through his head, picturing the millions of perfect dates he could take you out in the city. This was the perfect, golden shining opportunity to sweep you off your feet again with his riches, and to hopefully make up for the stolen kiss. As he was squeezing the life out of you to where you enthusiastically returned the favor, his thoughts then drifted off to the redhead staring at them with a tensed expression. He loved what was going down and had to thank Allen for this, but he had to ask, why? Allen suddenly sprung up with a drastic change of plans, to bring the party over to Alfred's place. Aligning perfectly with Alfred's wants and needs, it was the absolute opposite of what he'd want, but he still insisted.

Allen was brought up in the dirty slums of New York, the only luxury being to have you. If he moved to the towering skyscrapers where Alfred lived, even temporarily, Alfred would be granted a major advantage on his turf.

Those best friend privileges wouldn't even be up to par with half of what Alfred had to offer.

On the other hand, you were consumed entirely with excitement, the mere idea of visiting the lavish world you never thought you'd ever see making you shake with anticipation. You've never really left this small microcosm of a city let alone rise from the chains of poor financial standing, and now you were just slapped with the face with an opportunity too. Blessed with the best tour guide there was to offer, a door just opened up for you to infinite possibilities. Your head was even beginning to hurt with all the places you wanted to see.

You felt like you could do anything with Alfred.

After the ruckus simmered down, you insisted for him to visit the hospital. The effects of uplifting plans lingered its hands over the two of you, however, and he shot down that offer with an ear-to-ear grin. "Haha, fuck that. We have something to plan!" He sang.

You couldn't agree more. Nodding whimsically, you let out another contented sigh. "Yep! I can't wait to go to your place!"

Those were the words he needed to hear to confirm that he had in fact won- and that Allen had lost. As the two of you basked in high spirits in the living room, Allen's soul was sucked out of his body. He grit his teeth and left, storming to his bedroom and slamming the door behind him. It sent the whole house shaking in a rattling tremor, and the two of you could feel the strong vibration pound against your feet. Your heart sank and you flinched at the explosion of noise that just made your eardrums burst, jolting to the door with a weary expression. "Oh-" You uttered out, "That scared me..." You lingered your gaze over the door for a moment.

All the festive mood was gone in a bang, but Alfred thought otherwise. Turning you to face him, he shot you a bright smile with his hands rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder. Even with his face bruised in blotches of black and blue, you could only see his dazzling, million dollar smile and shining cerulean eyes behind his glasses. "He can be loud sometimes, can't he?" He laughed, licking his lips. "He's really wild."

You managed a soft smile. "Yeah, that's what I love about him..."

You sighed almost dreamily. That was a heavy understatement; absolutely crazy for his unpredictable and fierce personality. Impulsive but wild at heart, you really couldn't tell at all what was going to be held in the future for you two. Yes, he was your best friend whom you loved dearly and his antics were to die for, but there were still such things like boundaries existing. Him lashing out on Alfred was way past the line.

"... But... What he did to you was way far out of line. I really think he would have killed you if I hadn't stopped him..." You whispered. "I just can't believe it."

Sniffing a little, you kept your head low.

"... Yeah... I can't believe him either." Alfred admitted. Was his jealousy that intense that it sparked such rage to consume him? "Maybe he just got really mad when I... You know..."

The both of you lit up in a glowing red blush like Christmas lights.

Coughing awkwardly, you glanced away from him. "Uh... Yeah... I don't know why he turned out to be that angry..."

Although you were oblivious, the blonde was aware of Allen's feelings for you.

"And I think he still is..." Alfred sighed. "He's probably breaking shit inside."

You frowned, facing the door that just radiated waves of dark energy.

"... Oh dear..." You swallowed thickly. "I think I might let him cool off for a bit. You wanna go watch something on Netflix?"

"Sure!"

Allen's P.O.V:

Reducing to tears faster than he ever could imagine, he ran over to his dresser with his hands ready to wreck havoc. He shot them out quickly with a flaming hot face trailing with tears, ready to push everything off onto the ground. Before he could even lay a finger on anything, he stopped himself abruptly. Allen almost forgot that you were still sharing the room with him; it flew right past his head after witnessing the horrors of you being happy with another man.

He resorted to strings among strings of curses, struggling to keep his voice down with the fury licking around inside him. Overwhelmed with grief, rage and stress, he fell on his bed hunched forward to let the fat balls of tears dot the carpet. His world had just crashed at his feet. He should've known to not speak of Alfred's name. Now you were all over him for the millions he could offer that Allen couldn't.

That night, he covered himself up in the sheets and turned off the lights early. You joined him a little later with a soft smile dazzling on your lips, but at the moment you stepped into the room it faded. Slipping into the bed, you slept on the other side with a considerable amount of space separating your two bodies. Still weary that Allen might be fuming, you kept your distance with him just in case he snapped again. As much as you wanted to tap him lightly on the shoulder to wake him up, you held back that urge and just waited.

A line of cold formed in between you two, no man's land, a place where neither of you dared to cross. The silence in the darkness was almost sinister, and as if to taunt him even more in the predicament he caught himself in he could hear the quiet's deafening shrills of laughter jeering at his misery.

Facing away from each other throughout the night, his body was aching to touch you. Your soothing, soft skin that he could embrace for hours on end and not let go.

Why were you just laying there, instead of sleeping inside his arms like you usually would? Unfortunately, the tense ambience was too hard for you to even try to get close.

How did it end up like this?

Forcing himself to fall asleep, he wasn't prepared to face the manifests of his inner consciousness. Blinking his eyes open that were coated with a layer of rust, the rumbling of motorcycles and distant shouting buzzed in his ears. The soft ring of the doorbell faded as the glass door closed, one of the regulars leaving with a satisfied expression with his usual bag of dog pellets. Standing in front of him was you, in the flesh with a comforting smile dancing on your lips.

"Allen, are you okay?"

Your sweet voice called his name so tenderly. Biting his lip, he rested his hands on his hips and scoffed. "Yeah, I'm great."

Narrowing your eyes with a skeptical glint, he watched you with awe as you walked up to him and patted his back. Peering up at him with a softened gaze, he melted into your warm eyes. "Come on Al, just tell me what's so spiteful about him. I'll help you out."

He flickered his eyes over to you and the intimidating glare engraved in his features faded. Fixated with your beautiful face, everything around him disappeared into a blur of color. "My cousin's getting the upper hand. I'm scared, (F/N)." Allen whispered with trembling lips. "He's going to steal you away. He's going to give you things that I can't give you."

You smiled at him sadly and took his hands, swaying him gently from side to side. "Oh, but Allen... You're my best friend. Nothing in the world can replace you."

Shaking his head furiously from side-to-side, he stared at you desperately with red irises glazed all over. "No, baby. Alfred can. You don't want me anymore." He murmured with shaky breaths. Allen couldn't even see you anymore, but the blurred blotches of color and an outline of your form. Swallowing thickly, he hung his head low. "... I'm only going to hurt you if I stay. I'm violent, I'm angry all the time, I'm a freak."

His heart sank when he felt your fingertips brush against his cheek.

"Because of the shit I do, you're gonna get hurt. I'm so sorry, baby." He continued airily, shaking his head. "Luciano's on the hunt for you because he knows that I love you."

You chuckled softly, wiping away the single tear that trickled down his face. "Then that's why I need you."

Allen couldn't control the endless stream of tears running down his face. "(F/N)..."

"Protect me."

Jolting awake with a gasp, his pupils dilated as he shot up from the bed. It took him a while to realize that it was nothing but a dream, hitting him with a sharp pang of disappointment. They say you would forget around ninety-percent of your dream, and he did. It drifted out of his mind as he slowly gained back his orientation, but that sensation of melancholy still remained to loom over him like a dark cloud. Rubbing his eyes roughly, he glanced over to his side to see your sleeping form and back rising and falling at a steady pace. The way how peace would settle on your features was angelic as you slept. Allen just couldn't pass up on the chance to give you a good morning kiss.

"Good morning, dollface..." He cooed softly, leaning in to press his mouth to your forehead with longing.

His lips that grazed so lightly over your skin caused your eyes to flutter open. You met with him smiling down at you, his strong and tanned arms decked with tattoos thick with muscles as they supported him on his side. Shifting on the bed to inch closer to him, you nuzzled into his chest and wrapped your arms around him much to his surprise.

"(F/N)?" He whispered huskily.

"Mhmm?" You hummed.

You continued to press your face into him, making his heart flutter at how adorable you were acting. "What are you doing?"

Rolling your eyes up to him, you smiled. "I'm hugging you, dummy."

Why?

"... But aren't you mad at me for what I did yesterday?" He asked.

You scoffed. "Of course I am, idiot. You nearly killed Alfred."

The redhead smirked and lowered his hands to your back, caressing it gently. "Aren't you glad that I didn't?" He spoke lowly. He was mentally slapping himself from keeping up his smug attitude instead of an apologetic one. Sweat consumed his forehead as he dreaded your response to his antics once again.

A sigh left your lips that were upturned in a smile. "Yeah, I am. I hate myself for not being mad at you."

Allen felt a rush of relief to come flowing in at your smile. "That’s because you love me too much to stay mad at me." He chuckled.

"... I guess that’s true." You murmured, much to his delight. You also wanted to add in how much you missed him, but you thought that he didn't deserve all of your forgiveness, not just yet at least.

You pulled away from his hold, turning your back on him to go over to your pile of bags sitting in the corner. He watched you from the bed, laying on his side with his muscles popping due to the lack of a shirt. As he admired you bent over to tend to the bags, he couldn’t help but lock his eyes on your behind. "Heh..." He breathed. "Whatcha look’n for in your bags?"

You zipped everything up and looked at him. "I’m not looking for anything. I’m just making sure that I have everything."

"For what?"

You rolled your eyes. "Alfred’s place? Did you already forget?"

He inhaled sharply with widened eyes. "Shit fuck- I totally forgot!" He hissed, throwing the blankets off of his legs to go charging at his dresser. You could only cackle at his forgetfulness, calmly tending to your belongings as he ripped open one compartment after the other, salvaging any clothes he came across. Chucking them into a large duffel bag, he finally finished when you popped out of the bathroom.

"You all set?" Allen asked, sitting on the bed like he had been waiting there forever.

Your lips stretched into a smile touched by excitement.

"Let’s hit the road."

***

Once you stepped into the polished Cadillac that was set alight under the hot orange sunrise, you knew you were be going in for an adventure for a lifetime. The scent of leather immediately overwhelmed your nose, the backdrop noise fading away into the faint beeping of the car. After buckling on your seat belt, you were absorbed with the wonders of the vehicle's inner works with fascination swirling in your eyes. You've never seen, let alone touched something so luxurious. You traced your fingertips along the window, completely captured by every little detail of everything, all the way down to the little sockets that were supposed to hold miscellaneous items.

The whole vehicle dipped to the side when your travel-buddy entered the car. Allen scooted next to you and clicked on his seat belt, leaning back to cross his arms with closed eyes. Even though all he saw was black, he could imagine the expression radiating off your face as vivid as a dream. "First time riding first class?" He chuckled.

You nodded with a wide smile. "Yes... This is amazing." You whispered, your attention snatched by something, or someone, who was worth millions more than the Cadillac itself. With some special cream and medical attention flown in from his private jet, everything successfully healed and the bruises faded away like magic overnight. Climbing into the driver's seat, he flicked on his black shades feeling his lips stretch into a wide smile. A classic American one. "Are we all ready to go?" He asked, fixing his rear-view mirror.

Poking your head out of the window for one last time, you met with the striking red irises of your blonde friend. You stuck your hand out and waved at him. "Bye Flavio! Thanks a lot for volunteering to keep my store open by the way!"

He shuddered and waved you off. "More like threatened." Darting his eyes over to the auburn-haired male sitting comfortably beside you, he clicked his tongue. "You're lucky I like animals..." He scoffed.

Allen coughed and rolled up the window. "Yeah, hit the gas."

Alfred hummed.

"Okey-dokey. Strap in and get comfortable, lady and gent, cuz' this is gonna be a long ride."

Allen guessed that he could put up with his cousin for a while... Only for you of course, because he knew that moving to his place for a while would provide you with some refuge from some lethal troublemakers in the dark. Leaving behind the ghetto Allen and you called home, the two of you were ready to forget the past and see the future - the towering skyscrapers and blinking lights in your wondrous irises.

#hetalia #hetalia x reader #fanfiction #hetalia fanfiction #aph #aph america #aphamerica #2ptalia #2p!talia #2ptalia x reader #2p!talia x reader #2p!america #2pac #2pamerica x #2p!america x reader #alfred f jones #allen jones #Axis Powers Hetalia #Axis powers ヘタリア

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worldcakecakecake · 6 years

Text

The Society Of Romulus And Remus

Ludwig is the product of a centuries old curse that transforms him into a dangerous werewolf. His only chance for a cure is with Feliciano, heir to the Society of Romulus and Remus, a group of hunters who hunt on the supernatural.

Chapter 11

“-and well, he left with a horrible headache,” Ludwig told, hands gripping and pulling across his hair.

“Ouch,” Gilbert could only reply.

“Poor Feli,” Elizabeta lamented for her dear friend.

“This is only the second spell. I thought it wouldn’t be a problem with how easily he learned the first one.”

“Maybe it’s just this one. Perhaps for the next it won’t be such a big problem,” Gilbert wanted to believe.

“I really hope so. If it continues to be like this, things will get even more difficult.” Ludwig was growing a headache himself just thinking about it.

“It’s only the second spell, Ludwig,” Elizabeta tried to light, “learn to be more patient and forgiving.”

“It’s difficult when your timed and all your future lies in this person who wants to take his own time,” Ludwig rolled his eyes.

“As it should be, he needs to be comfortable,” Elizabeta defended.

“We’re not entirely sure if the curse is even timed. They simply said that the 13th could cure it. They didn’t say we had a certain amount of years. You’re just stressing yourself and Feliciano more,” Gilbert added.

Ludwig settled in calming breaths, heightened when one entered the room, expecting Feliciano, it was supposed to be time for his lessons.

“Bonjour!” Instead came that annoying French accent, Francis coming in holding his tray with all their morning drinks.

Ludwig deflated while Gilbert and Elizabeta happily went for their prepared drinks.

“Gilbert’s macchiato, Elizabeta’s cappuccino chiaro, and then Ludwig’s cappuccino scuro,” Francis presented as ever elegantly while Ludwig just remained as stoic as he always did when he was in the Frenchman’s presence. Francis had learned to ignore it and find friendlier conversation with the others.

“Elizabeta, is your group ready for their group testing?”

“One or two students I have to whip some more, but most of them I’m sure will take it,” she was confident, taking an instant sip from her coffee.

“Excellent. What about yours, Gilbert?”

“I only got a group of five this time and they’re all pretty good. I’ll be one of the test supervisors!” He sounded excited, almost spilling his coffee in the process.

“And our lovely little Valenti, how do you think he will do?” Francis dared ask, which only earned him an intense glare that was pure darkness.

“Where is he?” Ludwig instead demanded. He knew that Feliciano always went to Francis first thing in the morning for his own coffee before coming to his lesson.

“Hmm…I actually haven’t seen our angel this morning,” Francis realized.

“He should already be here,” Ludwig annoyed.

“Perhaps he is off distracted and immersed in his paintings,” Francis guessed as much.

“Indeed, but Feliciano well reminds himself to come to his lesson always. It’s honestly quite odd,” Elizabeta added.

“We can wait a bit more,” Gilbert guessed.

“No…we cannot.” Ludwig was impatient in turn, loud as he stood from his tall chair, making way to leave.

“What are you doing?” Elizabeta wondered.

“Getting Feliciano.” Ludwig thought it was obvious enough as he headed out into the hall.

The rest rolled their eyes but decided on following, wanting to aid how they could in the situation, especially when it was Ludwig’s impatience and Feliciano’s cowardness they were dealing with. They tried to word whatever change, but Ludwig headed on, ignorant to the crowds, all the hunters and groups that passed these halls, doctors, nurses, servants, even the guards that watched worriedly to Ludwig as he made entrance into the living quarters of the Valenti. They didn’t act as they knew that Ludwig was permitted to come.

Ludwig arrived before Feliciano’s door, knocking harshly, hoping to wake him up. “It is almost nine! You should have been in my office an hour ago!” He shouted uncaringly.

Francis, Elizabeta and Gilbert arrived just then, sighing as they realized they were too late.

Ludwig knew he was in there, as he heard groaning, the fabric of the blankets as something moved between them.

“Feliciano!” Ludwig knocked again.

“Lud, relax, give him a break!” Gilbert said.

“He’s perhaps still in a lot of pain,” Francis guessed.

“It was only a headache. It should have been gone with a night’s sleep,” he turned to them angry.

He faced the door once again, ready to knock.

“N….nn…no,” they heard Feliciano utter.

“No?” They all questioned.

“No to what?” Ludwig angered.

“I’m not going to our lesson today,” Feliciano managed to shout.

Francis, Elizabeta and Gilbert panicked, especially as they saw Ludwig’s face constrict the more in red and fury.

“Feliciano Valenti…you are standing up right now and you’re heading to your lesson this instant,” Ludwig commanded harshly, hands on his hips, glaring at the door as if the fire of his anger could reach Feliciano.

“I’m not going to,” Feliciano answered calmly.

Not being able to deal with his temper, Ludwig stomped on the ground, creating quite a shake that even made the other three jump.

“Are you doing this to test me?”

“I’m just tired, Ludwig. I really don’t feel like doing anything.”

How could Feliciano be both so brave and lazy at the same time? The three were constantly waiting for a chance to speak, to aid and hope that it wouldn’t end in a large disaster, two of them knowing what could happen to Ludwig if he let his anger take over him.

“Ludwig…please…just give him a break…”

“He was given enough for when his brother was in the ward. We can’t keep wasting time like this.” He directed his glare towards them, tapping a foot, swinging an arm as if ready to punch a hole through the door.

“Then explain that to him…gently,” Francis suggested. The stare Ludwig gave him made the Frenchman cower behind Elizabeta.

He wasn’t one to usually listen to Francis’s words, but he decided to give it a try, a last resort if it meant getting Feliciano out. He tried to relax, a difficult feat, but an impressive one that left the other three hoping that it could work.

After a moment of breathing, of easing his tone and temper, he spoke once again. “Feliciano, your test is in a couple of weeks. You need to study and prepare yourself well so you can pass it and achieve your new seal. I know the bronze stare is difficult, but I am sure that it’s what will help you the most to make it through. Please…” it was a word that he completely stressed, showing to all how difficult it was being to hold himself from turning any angrier. “Come and let’s continue to try and strengthen it. I’m sure soon enough it would not end in pain for you.”

“No!”

Ludwig punched the door harshly, strong as to make the hall shake. “Feliciano Valenti! Get out here right now!”

“No!”

“I will speak to your grandfather about this!”

“Go ahead, I’ll tell him no too.”

Ludwig couldn’t take it any longer, stomping off without even a glance, ready to head to the top and word out well what just happened.

“Ludwig…” Gilbert called as a warning, but Ludwig was off before he could hear it.

“My fucking god, Ludwig,” Elizabeta complained.

Francis on the other hand, turned to the door and knocked gently. “Feli…dearie, are you all right?”

“I…I’m fine, just, please…can you leave me alone.” The utter misery in his words did not settle any of them, who looked between themselves as if they were taking the fault for everything that occurred.

In this hour, most were in their lessons, missions or busy with whatever their schedule, meaning that Ludwig was lucky enough to stomp through empty hallways, trying to reach what would be Augusto’s office. He had been there several times before, he knew his way well and how to reach no matter the emergencies that were ringing. Yet the halls seemed to blur, everything was unrecognizable, he moved on without any kind of command to his legs, they just decided to move on their own in a spin that was further and further away from where he wanted to go.

Suddenly there was pain, everything aching, Ludwig trying to find relief somehow in the heavy grip he got of his head. It pierced, but not with that of his usual nails. That’s when he noticed the claws, growing more with the bigger ache felt. He groaned, knowing of a transformation.

He could have just used some of the enchantments, potions, anything in Augusto’s very arsenal in the office he was supposed to get to. Yet in the end he refused it, the beast’s want of freedom larger than what Ludwig could control. He ran, to a forgotten exit he knew would lead well into the forest, hidden, no one there in the dark tunnels underneath to realize as he crouched, as he blackened, his eyes turning to its menacing blue, teeth a sharp to kill at simple sight, pushing the barricading door in a simple push, hinges flying, but he did not care about it as he was finally out, soil and leaves under him, an array of trees passing him now in uncaringness.

What he did, the journey he took, the distance, the areas he trespassed and hunted, he could not remember. It was all a feast to his monster.

When Ludwig woke up again, he laid against the shore of a running brook, just then feeling the pierce of rocks against his face and bared skin. The water ran over him and helped to clear of whatever blood and dirt, but he was still alone, half naked, cold and even lost. In his waking, he didn’t recognize any of the trees, noticed nothing in the distance, and then had to deal with a horrible headache that didn’t even let him assess the situation properly. He groaned and let his head lay back against the rocks and water, finding this the closest comfort he could get after his transformation.

It was in moments like these that he remembered well why it was he was trying hard to get rid of this curse, why he got angry, why he really needed Feliciano to put his part entirely…or this would continue to be his faith.

How Feliciano reacted, the transformation that then came, made the entire situation more hopeless, harder, Ludwig even coming to accept that an exit will be forever unreachable.

It was late, late enough that night hunters had arrived a while ago and were probably already well rested in their beds. It was not hours for students, or even heir princes like Feliciano, to arise, to peek out their window to really make sure that it continued to be as still as he expected from the deep night hours. Once he made sure that the halls were for himself alone, he headed out, closing the door behind him, wearing simple black jeans and a cozy black jacket to keep him hidden between the ancient walls of the base, and just to keep him warm in this chilly night. His thread was a long one, through familiar ancient halls, to that barely opened old door that brought him out into a beautiful starry night sky, yet the fog reaching to cover it all. He could see the statues between, the steps, the balconies, some of the near trees and rocks, especially two familiar beings. Upon his entrance, Kiku was the first to transform and reach him, Mathew still new, his steadier and more careful.

“Feliciano, you haven’t been here for a while. What has been happening?” Kiku had been worrying so much the last few days. It was the same concern in Mathew’s expression.

Feliciano didn’t answer, the solemnity in his face continued. He came down and took sitting in a familiar space in the steps, the others joining his side, patiently waiting for him to speak. Feliciano breathed, scratching his head, eyes closed, the other two thinking he was plain simply going to take a nap out here. With the lateness and how much they knew Feliciano enjoyed and treasured his sleep, it seemed very likely.

“I had a nightmare,” he finally uttered, soothing and silent, going along with the fog.

“The one with the werewolf?” Kiku guessed.

“Mhm.”

“I’m so sorry, Feliciano.” Kiku neared closer and placed soothing hands on his shoulder, Mathew deciding to take his hands in warmth.

“What happened in the dream this time?” Kiku thought it could help to talk about it.

“The usual…but, this time it was different.”

They paid extra attention.

“I think…I think Ludwig was in it,” he admitted, yet still with question, of course still wondering if it was in fact him.

“How did he appear? Did he slay the werewolf? Did he help you?” Mathew questioned.

“Actually…he was the werewolf.”

Mathew and Kiku shared glances, trying to order what they could say, how they could help.

“Are you sure?”

“What made you think it was him?”

“Just…a name.”

“Did somebody tell you it in the dream?”

“I think so. I saw the usual monster and by the end of it, I heard Ludwig’s name, Ludwig Beilschmidt.”

Neither knew how to answer, each dedicated to their own wonderings.

“…I told you it was him, Kiku.” Feliciano shook, trying to hide it all by diving himself in his raised legs.

“It…it could still mean something else,” Kiku kept trying to find reason that didn’t point at the fact that Feliciano’s teacher was actually a werewolf. “I’ve told you once before, your grandpa wouldn’t choose someone with that ability for you. Besides, if Ludwig was, wouldn’t you know by now?”

At that Feliciano remained pensive. “They’re supposed to teach me how I can tell that…but Ludwig and I haven’t reached that part yet.”

“Even if you haven’t been taught, wouldn’t it be obvious anyways?” Mathew thought.

Feliciano then thought to whatever proof he had …but nothing seemed too accurate or large. Instead of bringing ease, it only brought more dread.

Why would his dreams be like this? Why frame someone so close? What was the purpose? Why couldn’t they just stop if there wasn’t a sure goal in the first place? Why taunt him like this for no apparent reason?

No…there had to be something, there was something he had to keep searching and analyzing for. He decided that from now on, he would be more attentive to Ludwig, focus on keeping his ears and even eyes up to the closest hint, until he could get to the signal his dreams were trying to tell him about.

“I’m going to watch Ludwig,” he decided aloud to his friends.

“If it will help you, then do so. We can get important findings,” Kiku found it so.

“I’m sure it won’t be anything too dangerous,” Mathew kept positive.

“I hope so and…also…there’s something else I want to talk about,” he feared, for the words he was to say could be considered a huge sin to this base and especially his family. Just thinking about and telling his ideas even to two statues he brought to life, made him feel like he was already trespassing an important line.

“I’m planning to escape,” he released, and as expected, he received utter shock.

“What are you thinking?” Mathew was the first to word out.

“Feliciano, I’m sure there are other ways of managing with the base and your future position that does not involve running away.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t want to involve myself with the base, I don’t want anything to do with it and I definitely do not want it in my future. Nonno is never going to listen and neither is Lovino, and after everything, this training, my dreams and what…Ludwig could be, I really don’t want to be here any longer. I’ll see if I can do something during my test.” It seemed he had thought about it.

“Where would you go? What kind of plan do you have?” Kiku demanded in a way that reminded Feliciano of his mother, giggling.

“I’ll go to Venice,” he was certain, already a dreamy look in his eyes at the mention of the city, as if it was a simple touristic trip.

“Who are you going to have there? How would you even get there? Will you have money? What would you bring? Are you seriously going alone? Feliciano, please, I beg you, give yourself more time to think,” Kiku heavily worried.

“I don’t need to. Just wanting to and leaving should be enough for me. For the rest…I’ll see what I can do.” He didn’t seem at all scared, but as blissful as if the exit was right there to take.

“I have to agree with Kiku, this all seems too brash, Feliciano. I really think you should give yourself more time to plan out something like this…or just talk to your grandfather.”

“That has never worked and they leave me with no other choice. I want to leave…I want to leave…no matter what happens to me afterwards out there…” In that moment, Kiku and Mathew realized that there was nothing to be done, that their words would fly over Feliciano’s head. This was an action that was to be set.

Kiku sighed, “if you need any help from us, we’ll do what we can.” He was against this, but he was willing to help Feliciano in whatever necessary. Feliciano smiled, glad that he had them to count on.

Ludwig managed to find his way back, taking some clothes someone had hanged around the base as his covering to get back to his living quarters, yet head still banging, groaning, hissing, an occasional stomach ache that stopped him, leaning against the wall and letting it pass momentarily before he would continue on. It was so aggravating that when he finally saw his door, he blew a deep sigh as if he had found an incredible amount of gold. He reached, pushed and open, and even at such an early morning, he wanted to take rest.

“Ludwig…” came a gentle voice, whispered, a beautiful tone saying his name. He thought it to be a figment of his imagination, especially with the heavy headaches from his after transformation, but that’s when Feliciano showed himself, shy, scared, odd for him to see him in.

“Feliciano…what’s wrong?” He found himself responding just as softly.

“It’s…about yesterday. I want to apologize. I…I had a horrible dream and it made me feel awful and because of it I didn’t want to do…any kind of training,” he admitted, trembling slightly, wondering when Ludwig would scold or concur everything a fake excuse. Yet Ludwig nodded, not so affected, letting him continue. “I…I know you have a schedule you want to stay faithful to, so…I’m ready to make up and start our lessons immediately.” Feliciano stood prepared to get training that instant, unbeknown of what Ludwig just went through.

Ludwig groaned. “I really…really appreciate it, Feliciano. I’m glad you came up to me and explained, and I would also like to apologize for how my temper got. I shouldn’t have demanded so much…especially in the state you were in.” He began to understand…he began to understand strongly, gripping his hands as if he could still feel his claws digging into his palm. “I in turn, don’t feel so good and don’t think I’d be appropriate to teach. How about you rest as well and tomorrow we can stay a couple of extra hours to make up.”

Feliciano nodded happily, with a jump and excitement that was endearing to Ludwig, managing his own small smile.

“Thank you so much!” He jumped and took Ludwig in a strengthening and warming embrace, catching him by surprise, stilling, left breathless and without any kind of response. After his very cold trajectory this was…every comfort he needed, well rested in this embrace. When Feliciano departed, as jumpy and glowing, he actually felt empty and vulnerable.

“So, see you tomorrow then?”

“Yes, see you tomorrow.”

“All right! I hope you have a good rest.” Feliciano turned and skipped, wanting that sleep he couldn’t have the night before in his planning and wanting to see his statue friends.

Ludwig’s gaze remained vigilant as he saw him leave, making sure he was well out of the area to unlock and head inside to his room. He instantly fell upon his bed, relieved, wallowing in its comfort… dreading the thought oh how more comfortable it would be if he had a certain warm body resting right next to his.

He had to groan and hit himself against his pillow to drive away Feliciano’s smile from his head.

< previous chapter next chapter >

#The Society of Romulus and Remus #tsorar #gerita #gerita fanfiction #gerita fic #gerita fanfic

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avengersimaginings · 6 years

Text

Ski Trip

Steve x Reader

High School Au

2,264 words

First fanfic in a while, and probably the only one that will be uploaded in a while. I was very bored and thought I would try something to keep my mind busy. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope I haven’t lost my touch!

You had been on the coach for only half an hour before Steve leant over the back of your seat and began blowing gently on your ear. You rolled your eyes and continued speaking to your friend Natasha who was sat next to you, which Steve clearly wasn’t happy about. Steve wasn’t used to being ignored. Steve was the sports star who everyone wanted to be friends with. Steve was top in all his classes. Steve was gorgeous, and Steve was a pain in your arse.

Every year, your school took everyone who wanted to go to a ski resort for the weekend, and every year it booked up in minutes. Everyone wanted to go, and it was the first year you had managed to get onto the trip, and you weren’t about to let Steve ruin it for you.

As you continued to ignore him, Steve began playing with your hair, and running his fingers along the back of your neck.

“What do you want Rogers?” You snap, turning to glare at him hanging over the back of your seat. He has a goofy grin on his face and is clearly very proud of himself.

“I brought you something.” He said, disappearing down behind your seat, and reappearing a few seconds later with a paper bag.

“What is it…?” You ask cautiously, taking the bag gingerly with the tips of your fingers.

“A cupcake.”

“Why did you bring me a cupcake?”

“Because you’re my cupcake.” He says, his goofy grin unfaltering.

You sigh and look inside the bag. It was a cupcake from your favourite shop, which Steve knew. It wasn’t the first time he had gotten you a cupcake to try and win you over.

“Thank you for the cupcake Steve.” You say and Steve nods, seemingly satisfied. Before sitting back down in his seat, he quickly kisses you on the top of the head, ducking back down before you can whack him.

“Do you want this?” You ask Natasha with a sigh.

“I want you to put that poor boy out of his misery.” She says, grabbing the bag out of your hands and eagerly reaching inside. Natasha had eaten more of the cupcakes than you had recently.

“You know I don’t have time for a boyfriend, especially one like Steve.”

“Yes yes I know. You want to focus on your sports blah blah blah.” Natasha mocks, her mouth full of cupcake. “All I’m saying is he clearly has it bad for you.”

“I’m not interested!” You insist in a whisper.

“Then why did you whisper that?” Natasha replies in a whisper. “And why won’t you tell him you’re not interested.

You narrowed your eyes at Natasha and stuck out your tongue. The truth was that you were very interested in Steve. More than interested, you were completely and utterly in love with him, and you had been since you started school and sat next to each other in a few classes. But as you had told Natasha over and over, you didn’t have time for distractions. You had Olympic dreams, you needed to get a scholarship for college, and you needed to maintain your grades. You didn’t have a single moment to spare for a beefcake like Steve.

Not that you hadn’t ever thought about it. You had thought about how it could work. Steve could come to your practices, you could study together, you could spend the evenings together. Every situation however seemed to somehow end with both of you wearing significantly less clothing than when you’d began.

You couldn’t afford distractions, and Steve was the biggest distraction of all.

“Can we just not talk about it please? I want to enjoy my weekend off.”

Natasha sighs and nods, unable to talk with the amount of cupcake in her mouth.

The rest of the journey is relatively uneventful, with most people napping. Steve kept trying to pass you notes, but you continued to ignore him, much to both his and Natasha’s annoyance. Eventually Natasha tires of it all and begins taking the notes from Steve as he passes them through the gap between the chairs. She takes the time to read them out one by one, Steve pressing his face eagerly through the gap between the chairs as much as possible to watch for your reaction.

You finally reach the resort, and scramble to get off the coach as quickly as possible and get away from Steve. Natasha catches up with you only when you are already in your shared double room, already unpacking your suitcase, and already having changed into your pyjamas.

“Bitch you need to calm down.” She says, raising an eyebrow at you and jumping onto the bed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Steve is one fine piece of ass. He is crazy about you. Either put his, what I can only imagine is impressively sized, penis into your mouth and enjoy the hell out of it, or tell him you are not interested!”

“Natasha!”

“What!!! Look at the boy if he doesn’t have a fantastic dick I will be shocked. I bet he tastes amazing.” Natasha muses, looking off into the distance.

“You are disgusting.”

“You are missing out on a fantastic opportunity. Or should I say Fantas-dick.”

“I’m leaving.” You say, standing up and heading for the door.

“GO SIT ON HIS FACE!” Natasha shouts as you pull the door shut.

You sigh and head down the hallway, meaning to just explore the hotel for a little while until Natasha can calm down. Not that you were expecting her to, she isn’t one for calmness.

After probably half an hour of exploring you decide to head back to the room. Everyone had stopped for dinner before reaching the resort and had gone straight to their rooms to sleep, wanting to be up early the next morning to ski.

When you arrive back in your room, it isn’t Natasha you find sat on your bed.

“Steve what the fuck are you doing in my room?”

Steve looks at your sheepishly from the bed.

“Natasha stole the key to my room and gave me this one, and then said if I didn’t wait in here for you she would, I believe the phrasing was, ‘rip my balls off, turn them into a ski hat, then force me to wear it tomorrow’.”

“Yeah that sounds about right.” You grumble, grabbing your phone. You dial Natasha and wait impatiently for her to answer.

“Hello sweet pea.” She sings down the phone.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“Alright here’s what’s going to happen. And you fucking listen to be (y/n). I will be spending the night in lovely Bruce’s room because he’s a doll and has really cute pyjamas with feet on. He probably won’t be wearing it for long but he doesn’t know that yet. You will be sharing your room with your hunk of beef, and you will enjoy it, and you will thank me in the morning.”

“Natasha!” You protest, but she cuts you off.

“Put his dick. In your mouth. Don’t neglect the balls.” And with that she hung up.

You turn to glower at Steve, who is still staring at you looking guilty. He shrugs and smiles, but you don’t return it. You stare at the only bed in the room, the double you were supposed to share with Natasha, and sigh.

“Here’s how it will work. I will give you pillows. You can sleep on the floor. Done.”

Steve nods and takes some pillows and the blanket off the end of the bed, grabs his bag and heads to the other side of the room. You slide into bed and open your book, purposefully ignoring Steve. You hear his bag unzip and rummaging. Curious, you glance up from your book and see him with his back to you, slowly undressing.

You feel your cheeks flush and your eyes snap back to your book. But your curiosity wins again, and you look up again to find Steve is now only in his boxers and has turned to face you. When he sees you looking he grins and winks. Your face burns even brighter, but you scowl at him, struggling not to look at his chiselled chest and very tight, very full, underwear.

You look back at the book and wait for him to finish putting on his pyjamas, which only consisted of a pair of tracksuit bottoms. He lay down on his pillow bed on the floor and pulls the blanket over himself. After a few minutes more of reading you turn off the light and try to sleep.

All you can hear is Steve fidgeting, rearranging, shuffling around on the floor. You sit up and see him curled on the floor like a dog and feel incredibly guilty.

“For fucks sake.” You mutter to yourself, not believing what you’re about to do. “Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Come get in the bed I feel too guilty and it’s pissing me off.” You say, glad it’s dark so he can’t see you flushing.

“Really?”

“Will you come get into the bed before I change my mind.” You say, hearing Steve jump up and run across the room.

You watch him climb into bed and sigh happily as he buries himself under the covers. You lay on your back, very tense, and very nervous, not wanting to look at Steve.

“Should we cuddle?” He asks quietly, and you can’t help but giggle slightly. “Fucking hell (y/n) I think that’s the first time I’ve said something, and you haven’t insulted me or a member of my family.”

“I’m sorry.” You say quickly, everything that Natasha had said playing around your mind.

“For what?” He asks, and you hear him turn in the bed to face you. You stay looking at the ceiling, you thought it would be easier to say everything without looking at him.

“For leading you on. I do like you Steve, a lot. But I’m sorry. For being rude to you, for being mean, for ignoring you. You are always so lovely to me and I really don’t deserve it.” You say it quickly, feeling your body tense again after you are done.

“You like me?” Steve asks.

“That’s the only part you want to focus on?”

“That’s the only part I’m interested in.” He says. “I knew nothing you said was meant in a genuinely harmful way. I could tell you didn’t hate me. And you never told me to stop or that you weren’t interested so I thought there could be a chance. And apparently I was right.”

“So you don’t care I was a bitch?”

“I care that you like me and I like you. But why have you left it this long to tell me, I thought I made it pretty clear how I felt about you?”

“I don’t have the time for a relationship Steve. I have sports, studies, scholarships. I need to think about my future.”

“Why can’t I be part of it?” He says quietly.

“What?”

“I get it. Life’s busy. I won’t get in the way. I’ll support you. My life is hard too, I have all the same shit to think about.”

“Steve I barely have any time. I train every free minute I get.”

“Then I’ll come and watch you train.”

“I study all the time at school.”

“I’ll study with you.”

“You won’t drop this will you?”

“Nope.”

You finally turn to lay on your side and look at Steve. You see his serious face in the dark and think how this is maybe the most serious you have ever seen him.

“Ok.” You say.

“Wait…really?”

“If you think we can make it work, and you’re willing to try…then ok.”

Steve lunges forward and pulls you into a hug. You wrap your arms around him and enjoy the feeling. He pulls back and his lips find yours, pressing softly against yours. You kiss him back eagerly, many years of Steve based pent up sexual energy being released. It didn’t help it was being released while you were in bed together and Steve was half naked…not that you were complaining.

You bite Steve’s lip eagerly and he moans deeply, pressing his body into yours. Suddenly, you pull away and look at Steve. You raise an eyebrow and smirk.

“Well hello Mr Rogers.” You could have sworn Steve was blushing.

“It is now I wish I was wearing different pyjamas.” He says, trying to move away from you.

“And where do you think you’re going?” You ask, running your hand down his chest.

“Oh I am going absolutely nowhere, nowhere at all.” He replies eagerly, pressing up against you again.

“Steve, I don’t want to do this too quickly, alright?” You say quietly. “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.”

“Alright.” He says simply.

“Are you ok with that?”

“(y/n) I have waited this long for you, I’m sure I’ll manage a little longer. Doesn’t mean we can’t do this though.” He says, rolling you over and pulling you into his chest so you’re spooning.

“Thank you, Steve.” You can feel his dick pressing against your butt, and wiggle against it.

“Well now you’re just a tease.” He whispers into your ear, biting the lobe gently.

“There’s a lot more coming Rogers. You just wait.” You say happily, relaxing as Steve wraps his arms around you.

“I can’t wait.” He says, nestling his face into your hair.

“Oh god…” You say suddenly, groaning.

“What?”

“Natasha is going to be so fucking smug.”

#steve x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #steve rogers #captain america #high school au #steve rogers au #cute #fluff #teen angst #one bed #hate to love #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #black widow #hulk

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johobi · 6 years

Text

WYLEI 11 - submission

The following was a submission (rather than a series of asks) discussing the latest chapter, sent in by one of my lovely regulars, lie anon. As it’s quite long I’ll place it under a read more; if it doesn’t display, I’m really sorry!

Wow, Jo. There’s so much I want to say to you. First of all, thank you so much for writing WYLEI. It was 18K of goodness; a ride so wild that I don’t wanna ever come down. This chapter is filled with pain, misery, heartbreak, relief, love and lust - a diabolical cocktail (hehe) that you feed to us and we partake so gleefully. The wait for this chapter is so worth it, and thank you so much for working so hard on it. You’re such a gem! I’m sending you a submission so I don’t clog your inbox ><“ I’m sorry I’ve so much thoughts I want to share ><”

You’re so welcome!! I’m serious! You’ve been so patient and encouraging the whole way. And don’t ever apologise for ‘clogging’ my inbox, I’m always so happy to hear from you :)

I want to gush about many parts of the chapter, namely the smut and heartbreak and confession. Wait, that’s the whole story wtf gdi lie anon is whipped as fuck!!! Ok I’m gonna talk about the sad parts first. Good lord Y/N had to force herself to look away from Kook because those eyes are a mirage now, and it will transport her to places of pain and misery that she shouldn’t find, that doesn’t belong in the first place ugh can you hear the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces… The promise of happier and blissful days ahead are now shattered by Kook’s deadly secret :( it fucking stinks because I was rooting for Kook and Y/N right from the start. “Like an inmate fleeing from some plush penitentiary of pain” what the fuck. Y/N doesn’t deserve this bullshit. All she did was love Kook and he broke her. Fuck JK, really. I’m so mad at him right now. He better have a fucking good explanation for what’s going down as The Biggest Fuckup in The History of Mankind, istg. Or I’ll personally strangle this stupid boy with my bare hands ugh ajksfhjsl fuck!!!

fhfhfh yes, looking into the eyes of someone you thought you knew (and loved) after such a horrific revelation must be so difficult. Like, that person kissed and said sweet nothings to you behind a mask of some sort, so it must feel like looking into a stranger’s face afterwards. That’s definitely how Y/N was feeling. dfjkdjkj he really better have the most redeemable of reasons for lying to her. Will you guys think it’s good enough tho?!

I was expecting him to run after Y/N, because that just felt so much like what he’d do but he didn’t. Was it because his fiancee was there? Y/N couldn’t bring herself to hate the woman ugh my child is so pure and I’m hurting all over again :( “I’m not going to chase you” and “I won’t give up” um, what in the fresh hell, really. Why is he so lax in his pursuit now? :(

He said he wouldn’t chase her just so that she wouldn’t trip and fall to her death down the stairs (so he does at least possess some humanity lmao). And he must have said that he wouldn’t give up, because, well… he turned up at her apartment later. And rang her in between. As I try not to offer too many insights into their minds, I will say it from a place of speculation: perhaps he understood that she needed to get away from him at that moment. She absolutely wouldn’t stop running. So he resorted to calling her, and then turning up at her apartment. I don’t think he wanted to run her into the ground (she was very clearly exhausted).

And Jo, the way you documented Y/N’s journey from the eighteenth floor to the ground floor was so intricate! Her thought processes, her inner monologue, her sense of self-worth diminishing… it really did a number to me because I actually felt pain as I read it. It feels as though Y/N’s blaming herself for this treachery, you know? :( that she felt she had bursted someone’s bubble when JK was the one who ruined everything with his own hands :( god, I’m in so much awe of what you can do with mere words. I’m unbelievably in love with the way you write. And the last sentence? A fucking cliffhanger. A fucking heartbreak to come once more. Why don’t you take my heart and run it over with a bulldozer since it’s broken already lmao.

;;;;;; i’m so glad you liked that!!!! I wanted it to be intense and breathless. Constantly repeating how tired/how much it burned to run, to emphasise it in your own mind. ‘Til you start feeling it yourself!!

Yeah, Y/N has a tendency to blame herself for everything. She thinks she can’t keep Jungkook interested, must have only been an escape from his life on the upper crust, etc… he was helping to build up her confidence, but then he tore it all down again. I feel like she should take a leaf from actual BTS’ book and Love Herself first. :( People often can’t do what’s best for them, though, for various reasons.

Next, the confession. God, I loved it with every fibre of my ridiculous being. The rawness of it all. How it came gushing through her lips and to be met with equal fervour by Tae. The exchange was mesmerising - timid and shy yet bold and dauntless altogether. I appreciate the fact that Tae had to take some time to digest the information and that he responded in the way that he did. It did felt right, after all that shit he put Y/N through the years.

I got SO into writing that scene. I wanted it paced and worded perfectly, because that was the ‘big’ moment. The fic had been building up to it for 10 chapters. From all the feedback I’ve received, I feel like I was able to do it the justice it deserved, and I couldn’t be happier about it. ;;;; thank you so much. The tumult of emotion you mention is precisely how I wanted it to play out. It took some bold leaps into the unknown and neither know what’s on the other side, but they did it anyway.

The part where Tae found her in the old haunt was so heartwarming. The piggyback ride, that little trip down memory lane… it felt nice knowing that some things just don’t change with time. Tae’s conviction in getting even for Y/N’s sake had me melting into a puddle of goo and feels. He’s so protective over her ahhh omg where can I find me someone like WYLEI’s Tae!!!

THIS IS MY FAV BIT!!!! I imagined this from day one. T__T And it was so nice to put it down into words, finally. AND YASS PROTECTIVE TAE!! I’ll be honest I’m not one for hot-headed males IRL but in the realm of fic (and as long as they’re not psychotic), I enjoy a guy with a vengeful spirit. And you mention exactly why. The protectiveness. T___T ahhajwkh.

Tae’s initial reluctance in not wanting to fuck Y/N in this state really had my heart soft and in a pulpy mess. He knew it wasn’t right because this one fuck might make things messy again. He didn’t want to fuck things up any further with Y/N because he loves her too much to put her through another shit show. It’s a small part nonetheless, but showed how much Tae loved Y/N even though it means going against her wishes at that point in time.

Yes!!!! That was hugely important to include!!! I feel, without it, I’d be getting far different responses to this scene. It was essential to demonstrate that Tae had learnt his lesson and really valued their friendship above all. That he doesn’t just think of her as a woman in an attractive body.

I feel like this chapter mirrors chapter 9, for some reason? Perhaps it had to do with the culmination of buried feelings and emotions, primarily desire and longing. Passion that laid dormant and stifled for fear of ruining the present equilibrium, are now brought to life with a confession. That, I find, makes the scenes all the more emotionally charged and engaging. And all the smut with Tae… NOW TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING PANTIES EVERYONE, IT’S TIME TO SCREAM!!!

You’re 100% right. The latter half, at least, is very much like 9. Y/N feeling desolate on the heels of the other guy, the lead-up banter, the actual act; it’s all very intimate; revolves around her and the respective guy in each chapter. And with a cliffhanger suggesting that you can’t just disappear into the arms of another and not pay the price.

“I want you to watch me undress.” > WHAT. THE. FUCK. Y/N is the epitome of Big Dick Energy, y’all!!! Fucking hell. The way she commanded Tae to watch her… WOW. I’m blown away with that power. That seductress side of her from before came out to play and I was unbelievably thrilled!!!

Hahaha, I guess, because I was writing her, I felt like her usual feistiness wasn’t behind that line. She was desperate to see some form of evidence that she was still desirable as a human being, so she put on a facade that normally comes very naturally to her. In this case it was pretty forced, and Tae saw through it quite quickly. Thank God, because I felt so awkward writing that bit. It really didn’t feel right to me.

“Fuck, all the times I’ve imagined you like this” > um, hello??? This is so fucking hot I’m sweating my fat ass off!!! Like Tae fina-fucking-lly gets to bone the living daylights out of Y/N and I can literally hear the utter desperation, the excitement, want and need in his deep, baritone voice as he says that? I’m not ok what the fuck is going on???

LOL you crack me up aklwjdawklj!! YES I had to cram in all his tasty one-liners about how much he’s thought about fucking her and in a myriad of ways bc gdi it’s hot and Tae is one horny man. With absolutely no reserve. IT’S SO HOT *fans self*

“You have me” > um what the fuck, Jo? I legit died at this line??? I can only imagine the assertion and conviction in Tae’s voice when he said that??? He declared it once more to Y/N and I couldn’t breathe because /f e e l s/. Error 404: lieanon.exe not found (was dead in a ditch and now sending this from afterlife p.s. hell isn’t half as hot as the smut you write huehuehue).

aaaND THIS IS MY FAV OF HIS LINES DURING THE SEX STUFF!!! It’s just, like, it must be utter relief and happiness and desire flooding her hearing him say that. It’s all she’s ever wanted to hear from him. Instant crEAM.

“Heaven was his practised teeth and tongue, pinching and suckling your collarbones to an inhuman shade. Like an overzealous pet he branded you with feral desire, mounting marks into stretches of unclaimed skin. ” > I got too much of a fucking kick while reading this because hickeys are fucking sexy and territorial so Y/N, WEAR THEM LIKE BADGES OF HONOUR. Ok seriously though where can I sign up for WYLEI’s Tae?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY. HICKEYS FOR LIFE. I wanted to show how contrasting Jungkook and Tae’s approaches are in the bedroom, and Tae is far more aggressive (due to his confidence and experience). Plus he just freakin’ loves hickeys I guess. And as Y/N said, he’s aware ‘people’ will see them (Tae fights dirty lmao).

And that part when Tae fucked Y/N from the back AND pulling her while doing so? Mother of god that was SO. FUCKING. HOT. The mental imagery will never be lost on me, and it’s seared to the back of mind waiting to be revisited during /desperate/ times ahahaha FUCK. The tension and passion in that scene was palpable, and that taunting was sure as heck the cherry on top. Tae fucked Y/N through her squirting lmao let’s all hover over our damned bucket respectively because our panties are probably beyond soaked from that part istg my loins hurt and I need an ice pack gOD DAMMIT JO.

LMADOWNb i’m literally grinning from ear to ear reading this you are a tREASURE of the highest value. I’m glad you enjoyed that ;)))) my guidelines for going into this sex scene was: 1) it has to be passionate, 2) it has to be rough, 3) they both have to come quick the first time bc when you’re just THAT wound up about someone it’s hard to last long when you’re so impassioned and greedy. Plus I find something really hot about a fast ejaculation LMAO *sweats*.

But you know what I find is the fucking sexiest part in the whole chapter? When Tae took Y/N’s hand and sucked her fucking fingers clean of her own juices wHAT THE FLYING FUCK JO WHAT THE ACTUAL /F U C K/ DID HE FUCKING LOOKED HER IN THE EYES AS HE DID SO?!?!?! I’M ASKING FOR A FRIEND ASHDFJKL I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS PART.

you liked that the most!!!? Glad I included that then, that was just a spur of the moment thing I included while expanding the smut. He was v e r y hungry for her. ;)

AHHH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER THE PAIN THE RAWNESS THE SMUT ASDAFFDSGL *incoherent yelling* uhm except i felt a little uncomfortable with the use of “oppa” it’s an overused trope “noona” is all good though i’m sorry please don’t hate me i love you :(

I had a couple of people ask about the oppa thing and honestly I had no idea that it had been sullied so much by kboos. After getting some feedback, including yours, I decided to change it to a much clearer ‘daddy’, after some thought on the matter. It’s probably the case that Koreans wouldn’t think to use their titles in such a way (correct me, anyone, if I’m wrong), as I was applying it with the vibe of ‘daddy’, and it’s probably not correct. So, just to be safe, I changed it. BTW I LOVE OVERUSED TROPES LIE ANON THIS WHOLE FIC IS BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS THE QUEEN OF TROPES!! NO-ONE CAN STOP MY TROPE-LOVIN’ ASS!!! Can I interest you in some enemies to lovers eventually…?! (the king of tropes)

……so yes, *deep breaths* I think I’m done screeching about chapter 11 and now it’s time to revisit everything once again. Or maybe 9034857494 more times. I’m positive I’ll find something new to scream about ahahaha yikes I’m really whipped lmao. I’m so invested in your fic that I’m actually terrified of the day when it comes to an eventual end sigh pie :( you write so very well, m’dear. WYLEI has made me cry, made me smile and made me high. You’re a talented storyteller, bubz, and I can’t convey enough gratitude to you for bringing us this amazing fic, Jo. I love you so very much!!! You’ve done extremely well, truly and definitely. Always delivering the best to us readers. Sending you plenty of love and good vibes always, m’love!!! Thank you once again! (and sorry for this long ass submission i’m the literal worst) xx lie anon ♥️🌻

Lie anon, you’ve written a veritable novel of yourself here to me, and I just want you to know how very, very grateful I am of how much time you spent collecting your thoughts and communicating them to me. I’ve never received such an essay (I mean that in the most affecionate of ways) in my inbox and it was a heartwarming read from start to finish. Thank you so much. And never be afraid to tell me of the things you dislike, as you did with the oppa kink. I’m always open ears. <333333

#i can never thank you enough #you are an absolute #gorgeous #wondrous #beauteous #angel #and i love you #wylei #jo asks #lie anon #submission

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