#but yeah also debating whether to even post pictures in the future

[tyttetardis]

David Tennant, Good, Press Night 12th October 2022, stage door

Wow, these pictures are nothing like my photos from DJIS in terms of quality, but with the terrible light, a phone instead of a camera and having David smile at me while looking into my eyes with those intense, beautiful eyes of his good pictures definitely weren’t happening. But, for tradition’s sake I figured I should just add a few to my page <3

[dreamerrgirl]

Chenford + pregnancy scare post canon!

Hi lovely anon!

First, I would like to thank you for being the first person to request a prompt from me; I'm honored! I hope this gives you everything you wanted and more! 😊

Lucy wasn't entirely sure how long she'd been sitting there, perched on the edge of her tub, the solid pink line of the pregnancy test staring back at her.

Not pregnant.

As soon as Lucy had finally gathered the courage to look, a myriad of emotions had run through her so fast she could barely keep up. First came the predictable relief, her breath rushing out of her lungs in one solid exhale. When she had made her New Years resolutions a few months ago, an unexpected pregnancy had definitely not been one of her goals for the coming year.

Next, came the feeling of freedom; knowing her body was still entirely her own, and nothing was going to interfere with her trajectory at work for the foreseeable future. Watching Harper, then Nolan, and finally Tim moving up in the department over the last year had motivated her to start thinking hard about her own next steps in her career, and a baby would only complicate that by tenfold.

But then, much to Lucy's surprise, a third emotion had floated to the surface, one that stayed with her long after she'd thrown the test away and drove over to Tim's for dinner.

Disappointment, with a hint of sadness mixed in.

As she sat at Tim's kitchen island watching him cook them dinner, she couldn't stop picturing what he would look like with a baby, their baby, cradled in his arms. He would be an amazing father, and the idea of him being the father of her children made Lucy's heart ache so bad it hurt.

While they had only been dating for six months, Lucy had known from the moment he kissed her in the food truck parking lot that she was head over heels in love with him. Honestly, this was Tim Bradford she was talking about, how could she not be?

Their relationship was moving faster than any relationship Lucy had ever been in, but every time she thought she would be freaked out by their speedy progression, it actually ended up being the exact opposite. Everything with Tim just felt so right, like it had always been meant to be.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Blinking, Lucy was startled out of her reverie, the corners of her mouth curving into a smile as she regarded the shiny penny that was being held in front of her face, Tim's curious gaze blurry behind it.

Gently taking the coin from his grasp, Lucy turned it over in her hand, debating with herself on whether or not she should tell him. If it had been anyone else, Lucy wouldn't think twice to lie about it, but she and Tim had promised each other from the start that they'd always be honest with each other, even when it was hard or scary.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Lucy admitted, "I was just thinking about some, news, I got today."

"Is everything okay?" Tim immediately asked, brows furrowed.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Lucy quickly reassured him, reaching out to cover his hand with her own. "It's just- I thought I might be pregnant; I'm a few days late, and my stomachs been a mess, but I wasn't sure if that's because I was a few days late, you know? So I decided to take a test before I came over, just to check."

Tim stopped breathing, his gaze locked on hers.

"It was negative," she continued gently, watching his face intently as he processed the news.

She swore she saw something like disappointment flash across his face before he schooled his features back into place, his hand squeezing hers.

"Well that's good news, right?"

Her heart rate starting to rise, Lucy said, "Yeah, it is, this wasn't something we were planning for."

"But?" he asked softly, picking up on her hesitation.

"But, I also feel a little sad about it, which I wasn't expecting."

Tim was quiet for a few moments, Lucy's anxiety continuing to rise. Maybe she had shared too much; been too honest.

But then Tim was giving her a small smile, his thumb gently rubbing over the top of her hand.

"I know what you mean," he said, his gaze soft.

"Really?" Lucy breathed, hope starting to weave its way into her heart.

"Really," he said, letting go of her hand to walk around to her side of the island, his strong arms wrapping around her as he hugged her to his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"You don't think we're going too fast?" Lucy murmured quietly, leaning back into his embrace.

Tim shrugged, his shoulders brushing the bottom of her ears. "I don't if you don't."

Craning her neck around, Lucy looked into his eyes, finding the love she was feeling reflected in his gaze.

"I don't," she answered softly, her eyes fluttering closed as he kissed her forehead.

"There's a few things I'd like to happen first before we throw a kid into the mix, but I also won't be mad if it happens before then."

"I don't think I will either," Lucy admitted, resting her head against his chest.

"Yeah?'

"Yeah."

"Well, while we're being honest with each other, I've had something I've been meaning to ask you."

Lucy spun around, his arms falling away from her body as she twisted the barstool to face him.

"Not that," he said with a chuckle, Lucy feeling a sense of relief wash over her. She wasn't sure she was ready to hear that question, at least not yet.

"I uh, I heard you grumbling the other week about how your lease is almost up, and how rent is going up for your building next year. And I was thinking, seeing as how we've barely spent a night apart since we started dating, I was thinking maybe you and Tamara might wanna come stay here, with me."

"Like, move in with you?" Lucy asked, her eyes searching his face.

"Yeah, I know it seems fast, but-"

"Yes," Lucy interjected immediately, a smile breaking out over her face.

"Really?" he asked, the surprise and vulnerability in his voice making Lucy reach out and kiss him.

"Really," she mumbled against his lips, cupping his face in her hands. "I mean, I'll have to talk about it with Tamara, see how she feels, but for me, I've been getting tired of all the running back and forth between your place and mine; it'd be nice to have a place that's ours."

Tim pulled back slightly to stare at her, his expression happier than she'd ever seen it.

"I love you," he breathed, leaning in to give her a soft, slow kiss.

The moment their lips parted, Lucy couldn't wait to tell him, "I love you, too."

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

I love you, and I love your blog. Evan and Fran are long over, on that we can agree. I am older, married, and fully believe Evan dates/ has sex with many women. He probably has multiple women now, maybe even one serious one (it's hard to tell). I hope you will allow us to respectfully disagree on the subject of Fran/Evan. Not everyone who thinks they were not "serious" is deranged.

I for one never saw evidence that he introduced her to family, for example. She was famous for making things look like more than they were - yeah she posted that she was in St. Louis. You better believe if she got close to his family, there would have been more than a picture of the city arch.

And Evan loves to talk about being in love...he can't stop himself. If he felt something for her, I don't think he would have been able to contain himself from mentioning his feelings in all his Mare interviews. He had so many opportunities.

Also, his body language in pictures with her - why was it always so "off". Did he do that on purpose? Yes he is an actor and he is aware for sure of how he looks in pictures, so why allow himself to look so put off by her in every damn picture?

I am not discounting that they dated, and took a few trips. But in 2020 and beyond that does not equal romance/love, that just means "talking" in my world.

I truly believe Evan is going to find someone who he is serious about and in love with (maybe he already has). I just don't think there is evidence that was Fran, as much as she tried to make it look that way.

i don’t believe people who debate the level of seriousness of their relationship are deranged; it’s the people who deny there was a romantic relationship to begin with. i’m not trying to be harsh to anyone, but it’s simply not a rational thought process to deny that evan was in a relationship with this woman, who he was with for two years. it’s very unreasonable to believe that because he didn’t mention her in interviews, that he was not romantically involved and in love with her. i do think it’s normal, for instance, to debate whether or not they were seriously planning a future together; not all relationships are had with the intent of being together for life. but yes, it is absolutely inaccurate to say that what they had amounted to “talking”, and i just cannot agree with anyone who says something like that. if you are not a fan of frances, that’s totally fine and i respect it - but to deny a two year relationship over that dislike is nonsense.

frances was constantly at evan’s place, she went home with him to visit, his sister follows frances on social media, he got her a job working on the set of AHS.. it’s just not realistic to deny that they were together. he took her to the vanity fair oscar party; yes, the body language was weird, but that in no way means that they were not in a relationship. the truth is, with evan as private as he is nowadays, we may never have “evidence” about the status of his relationship outside of what we’re able to observe by way of him being out and about with a woman. i would be interested to know what you would feel constitutes as evidence worthy of you believing he’s serious with someone?

[meowstix]

RAT'S BIGASS LIST OF (TRUE AND CORRECT) BSB HEADCANONS

i've listed most of these before in previous posts but since i added onto that via reblog additions they aren't in the main tag. however, i want to make as many people look at these as possible, so i am making this absurdly long post compiling them.

kyojyu trans.

after the events of v-force, zeo went on to pretty much start a new life with a new identity. during this process they Also transed their gender (i'm not sure on the specifics of this one admittedly, but as you might have noticed i do hc zeo as using they/them pronouns that much i'm sure of)

speaking of post-season antics, brooklyn retired from beyblading after g-revolution and is now focusing on ornithology

speaking of which. points at brooklyn. autism

honestly. i think the entire main gang is also neurodivergent i'm not even exactly sure what but i refuse to believe they're neurotypical.

i think at some point i hit rei with my aro beam i'm not even sure why (i probably just wanted to hit Somebody with the beam) but he's aro now why not.

so those top euro bladers right. ralf, olivier, giancarlo, and johnny. them. they're in a polycule.

ok these last two are gonna be fucking stupid so bear with me here. first i joked about this one before but steve got hit by the down with cis bus before the start of g-rev and that's why he's in the hospital (kyojyu and zeo were on the bus obviously)

daitenji is divorced from zagart. he is also divorced from soichirou. maybe throw in volkov for good measure why not. every time this guy gets a divorce the other person goes on to commit atrocities this man is a fucking menace to society

you know how like with ghost stories sometimes it's like if you try to take a picture of the ghost the picture gets all messed up. it's like that with sacred beasts too, though the world tournaments probably have some way of getting around that.

it's also effectively random who can see sacred beasts! like there's Some factors i guess but there's no specific big one other than "if you have a sacred beast you can see them no matter what". but yeah this leads to.. a LOT of debate over whether they're real even outside of beyblading discussion. takao vs yuriy either settled this debate or made it even worse.

judy ABSOLUTELY knew what she was doing when sending genbu's bit to max. i don't know how she ended up with it but i wouldn't be shocked if it was through her work with the PPB and honestly i'm still kind of 🤨 about them so it's probably for the best this Literal God ended up with some preteen

i think during the bega arc while the main gang was figuring out how they'd handle all of that king and queen were probably getting into so much shit. like obviously the focus is more on these Former World Champions (and Current World Champion) but in the background there's also just these two other decently strong bladers who are completely unaffected by bega's monopoly on parts because they've never been getting parts legally in the first place AND YOU CAN'T REALLY TRY TO RUIN THEIR REPUTATION EITHER BECAUSE THEY JUST DO NOT GIVE A SHIT

kai, rei, and daichi all out here in the getting sensory overload gang. congrats daichi you’ve gotten 1 (one) headcanon.

boris and sergey sound like 4kids sword knight and blade knight. the thing is that who sounds like who constantly switches so at any given time one of them will be near incomprehensible and there’s no way of telling which. it’s not like they have much if any personality in the first place so i can make up stupid shit

kyojyu has pretty much become hiromi’s semi-reluctant partner in crime, except the crime is powerpoint presentations detailing the most well thought out but also utterly stupid (and illegal but like. this is the BBA team we’re talking about with their track record they’ll be fine) plans any of the other team members have seen in their life. atleast one of these either has already gone through or will be executed in the future

takao has also kickstarted some stupid shit albeit it’s generally more akin to #clayisoverparty if you've heard of that

i think bakuten shoot might be the first piece of media i’ve had a significant number of lgbt headcanons for. anyway mao is bi and emily is an aro lesbian.

after the events of g-rev the entire situation surrounding bega is just generally considered an absolute shitstorm. like we’re talking like community lore here if that makes sense. someone probably wrote an r/hobbydrama post about it well over a decade later.

you know how they mentioned that like thirty years prior to the events of the show zagart had stolen that one sacred beast rock and then they never explain what happened to it. that's how zeo like, Exists despite the question of "how the hell do you create a replica that perfect of a human being in two thousand fucking two". mf is basically held together by sealed away sacred beasts

this one i mostly thought of because i was looking through the manga version of the battle tower stuff. in the animeverse i feel like zagart and volkov possibly knew eachother at some point. quick note here whenever i think abt v-force i generally just. pretend psykick Isn't There. I Do Not See Them. since they're basically just a middleman but ANYWAY. honestly this idea is very funny to me because like you have these two guys trying to create artificial sacred beasts right? and Child Soldiers McWar Crimes over here is doing animal experimentation n shit, still fucked up of course but then over on the other hand. the guy who's trying to bring back his dead son ends up basically just straight up brainwashing people

another very much canon-contradictory v-force one, actually i know i was talking about this one a few days ago. anyway yeah kane, salima, and the other two guys had very much taken interest in zagart's research on sacred beasts! they looked up to this guy! and this motherfucker went "yeah i'll take advantage of these literal teenagers" can you TELL i like leaning into the concept of zagart just being an absolute shit person even if his motivation was sympathetic

DEDICATED KAI SECTION BECAUSE I THINK HE'S NEAT :3

he is ABSOLUTELY the kind of motherfucker to wear shorts in cold ass weather

also this guy knows hand to hand combat. probably beat up atleast one person during his time as a Whole Ass Gang Leader tbh

speaking of which i think that time period is probably where like. almost all of his experiences with social settings before the world tournament came from. also he probably got updogged around this time i think

so you know how i brought up the daitenji's divorce shenanigans? going by that kai really out here being the focus of the world's most batshit custody battle huh

kai was NOT having a good time with the whole celebrity (or atleast. in terms of whatever the scope for beyblading is) thing. you throw this very much traumatized teenager with a sketchy ass past into the spotlight it’s not gonna go well

i was just talkin abt this one earlier but he is gay and ace.

and of course. last but most.

[avintagekiss24]

Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point. 

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

[druigswhores]

sleepovers with peter (and ned)

summary: in which you have a sleepover with your dork of a best friend and your boyfriend peter.

content warning: peter parker x fem!reader, fluff, set after spider-man homecoming (friends to lovers, mutual pining)

note: this is from my old tumblr account adoringparker i decided to post it again but change some things up :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! (let me know if you want to see more content like this <3)

masterlist

the entire thing being ned and yours idea because you've all been having so many exams recently and barely hung out after school due to revising and peter’s schedule.

peter being hesitant because he was worried that something bad could happen in new york and spider-man wouldn't be there to stop it

you reassuring him that the world can survive without spider-man for one day

oh man you were wrong

you three started the sleepover right after the school bells rang !!!

going to delmars to get sandwiches before you all went to peters place (forgetting the fact that there's only two beds in his room)

you and ned making fun of peter because has to state that the sandwich has to have pickles and be squashed real flat

“peter parker picked a pack of pickled peppers”

"why are you guys ATTACKING me.”

also getting slushies, peter trying to be creative and get red and blue to match the spider-man colours, ned getting red and you mixing cola and cherry to ‘make a cherry cola slushie’

“that is so disgusting y/n”

“shut up pickle breath”

going back to peters apartment and greeting may with a hug (she loves you <3)

“how's my favourite sweetheart doing?”

peter immediately cutting in like the dork he is

“i'm doing pretty good may!! how are you doing?”

teasing peter back

“she likes me more than you pete i’m her favourite”

eating ur sandwiches at the table while talking about what happened in school

“man today’s debate was so easy!”

you and ned throwing lettuce at peter in response “that’s because everything is easy for you smartass”

“did you hear that flash showed photoshopped pictures of him and spider-man during bio and said they went to a party together last night?” “that- i don’t even know how to respond to that..”

going back to peters room once ur done

ned wearing the spider-man top you jokingly bought for him to annoy peter for his pyjamas

“hey pete what'd you think abo-“ “WHY DO YOU OWN THAT”

peter walking in with his messy brown curls wearing his star wars shirt and grey pyjama bottoms but still being able to look fine as hell

peter forcing you to wear his sweater

“do you feel cold? you could wear my sweater- i mean if that’s what you want-”

you walking back into peters room after changing in the bathroom to be greeted with peters cutest smile ever

his eyes would be full of love he feels as though he fell in love all over again

he pulls you into him and hides his face in your neck while hugging you mumbling “you're so pretty in my sweater” ¥]!|¥\$]€{$]

having a star wars marathon and quoting the movies

“i have brought peace, freedom, justice and hot guys to my new empire-” “y/n that’s not the quote!!” “yeah but LOOK AT HIM?”

ned and peter reenacting the mustafar in front of you with rulers instead of light-sabers

“only a sith deals with absolutes, i will do what i must.” “you will try.”

ned winning the ‘light-saber’ duel

“god your such dorks” “and you love it”

ned falling asleep after the third movie bc it's already midnight

peter being antsy about not going on patrol tonight because he still feels like something wrong could be happening right this moment

you searching the latest news articles to see whether anything is happening to reassure him

“see everything is okay-” you get cut off by a bunch of sirens

worst. timing. ever.

him shooting out of his seat very quickly due to the spider reflexes, muttering a quick "i got to go" and kissing you on the forehead before putting on his suit and swinging out of the window

you worrying about peter bc he could be hurt

him coming back home at 4 am in the morning with cuts and bruises on his body

"so did spider-man stop the bad guys?" "he did"

tending to his wounds and scolding him for not being careful enough

him being so tired that he begins to say weird things as you continue to clean his cuts and bruises

"hey y/n, y/n y/n baby listen to me y/nnnn, angel, baby, pretty girl, you’re so pretty i love you”

him asking you to make him hot chocolate at 4am in the morning

resulting in the two of you sitting at the table drinking hot chocolate talking about life

"do you think we're going to stay friends after high school?" "of course we’ll stay friends!”

him talking about your future together not aware of the feelings it's giving you because although the smartest person ever, peter could be so clueless sometimes

"do you think we're going to have dogs or cats?" "w-what i-"

falling asleep on the living room couch with ur head on his chest and his arms around you tightly

waking up to the smell of May's choc-chip pancakes !!! (that ned mostly helped with)

wow i wished i had this

[castiellesbian]

i feel like i need a glossary of terms or a contact list for all these people involved with the show. i have shit memory and dont pay attention to the credits who is sera (sara??) and why does everyone hate her!! why is he Bobo!!!!!! please... has anyone posted about this im desperate

lol well including everyone involved with the show would be difficult, but I’ll give you some highlights

Eric Kripke: creator of Supernatural, showrunner for seasons 1-5. People have differing opinions about him but general people enjoyed his run and he’s considered the best showrunner in the series overall. Not much to say because there’s a lot to say lmao (notable episodes: “Pilot,” “Lazarus Rising,” and “Swan Song”)

Sera Gamble: writer who was involved from the beginning of the show, became showrunner after Kripke left. Her seasons, 6 and 7, are typically regarded as the weakest seasons. She was a huge brothers-only supporter, and was responsible for Misha being written out of the show (as well as Jim Beaver, Bobby) in order to get the show to just be about the brothers again. There’s a lot of drama regarding her treatment of Misha/Cas, but more recently she’s known for the Magicians debacle, a horrendous example of the Bury Your Gays trope. She’s also involved with (the showrunner of?) You on Netflix. She was a pretty good writer, but overall fans dislike her because of her showrunning tenure (notable episodes: “Faith” with Raelle Tucker, “Death’s Door,” “The Born-Again Identity”)

Jeremy Carver: writer from season 3 that was promoted to showrunner from seasons 8 through.... some time in 12, the timeline has been a little murky to me. He was the one who brought Cas back into the main plot, as well as allowing the deancas storyline to become genuine subtext (we can argue whether it was queerbaiting or what he was intending to do if he had been running the series finale, but yeah). Unfortunately, he was also the showrunner when Charlie was killed off brutally, which dampens his legacy. People are conflicted about his seasons, but generally he’s looked upon favorably (not related, but the picture that comes up when you search him on google is NOT him, he’s really like a typical white nerdy looking dude lol) (notable episodes: “The Rapture,” “Sacrifice,” “Do You Believe in Miracles?”)

Andrew Dabb: writer from season 4, promoted to showrunner during season 12 and is the last showrunner of Supernatural (he wrote the finale). He was well-liked by deancas fans for awhile because of how much screentime they were allowed to give, and because of the focus on extended/found family. Sam and Dean only fans didn’t like him for the same reasons. Unfortunately, HIS legacy has been marred by the awful series finale, though it’s debated whether that was his fault or because of network meddling. (notable episodes: “Dark Side of the Moon” with Daniel Loflin, “The Prisoner,” “Moriah”)

Robert Singer: executive producer since the beginning of the show (he’s also co-showrunner throughout Supernatural, but I don’t think he typically was involved with the plotlines too often). He’s directed quite a few episodes, including the infamous wire fight episode (s13 finale) as well as the series finale. Married to Eugenie Ross-Leming, writer of the show

Eugenie Ross-Leming/Brad Buckner: writing partners TECHNICALLY from season 1, but they only wrote one episode until they were brought back in season 7. They are regarded as the worst writers in all of Supernatural, responsible for tactless death scenes of fan-favorites (and typically minorities) like Kevin, Charlie, and Eileen. They also feature a gross amount of dubcon/noncon, racism, weird unnecessary sex stuff, and are SUPER into Lucifer for some unknown reason (they have a crush on Mark Pellegrino I guess). They’re also just kind of bad writers in general, their pacing is weird and their plots convoluted. To be fair, though, they have written some good moments, like Dean trying to reach Cas in Hell’s Angel and Dean’s confessional scene in Paint It Black. But overall, they suck. Why are they still on the show even though BOTH sides of the fandom (who never agree on ANYTHING) dislike them? Well, because Eugenie is married to Singer. Nepotism. (notable episodes, the ones I can stand to watch lmao: “Holy Terror,” “Hell’s Angel,” “Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven”)

Ben Edlund: writer from season 2 who left after season 8, but people STILL talk about him simply because he is arguably the strongest writer of the series. Cas fans particularly like him because he did most of the heavy-lifting regarding Cas’ characterization. He also wrote the famous bi!Dean scene with Aaron in season 8, where Dean is flustered after being flirted with. (notable episodes: “On the Head of a Pin,” “The French Mistake,” and my all-time favorite “The Man Who Would Be King”)

Robert “Bobo” Berens: writer from season 9, his first episode was “Heaven Can’t Wait,” which is all you really need to know about his influence on the deancas storyline. He’s also gay, so people particularly enjoy seeing how he approaches destiel in his episodes since it’s not just another straight guy potentially just catering to fans. He was also the one who was meant to go off and run Wayward Sisters, and is responsible for a lot of their development in recent seasons. I believe he also created Rowena? He wrote the episode this season where Cas confesses his love to Dean (along with other heavy deancas episodes like “The Trap”). Sam fans typically don’t like him because he doesn’t give him much focus. (notable episodes: “Heaven Can’t Wait,” “Who We Are,” “Wayward Sisters” with Andrew Dabb)

Steve Yockey: writer from season 12 through the beginning of season 15. Also gay, and also responsible for deancas moments in recent years. Generally loved for his deancas subtext but ALSO because he is an amazing writer who came out with iconic episodes. (notable episodes: “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox,” “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” “Peace of Mind” with Meghan Fitzmartin)

Robbie Thompson: writer from seasons 7 through 11, and wrote some fan favorite episodes in the meantime. He is also the creator of fan favorite characters like Charlie and Eileen. He was also one of the few writers who was vocally supportive of destiel during his tenure rather than just later. I’m not implying anything about his intentions, but it was validating for him to encourage fans during a time where most of the cast/crew ignored or actively dismissed it. Plus his episodes are just fun! (notable episodes: “LARP and the Real Girl,” “Fan Fiction,” “Baby”)

Meredith Glynn: writer since season 12, has worked closely with Bobo during their seasons together. She and Bobo cowrote “The Future,” which is the mixtape episode, so she has been taken in by deancas fans haha. She also wrote the episode where Cas makes the deal with the Empty, so it’s pretty safe to say she and Bobo had worked on the deancas plotline together :) She’s also liked some deancas-related tweets on twitter, so she’s being subtly supportive (notable episodes: “Regarding Dean,” “The Future” with Robert Berens, “Byzantium”)

Davy Perez: writer since season 12 (a lot of the ones I’ve mentioned are, since this is when Dabb became showrunner and made changes in the writers room). His episodes tend to either be horror or bizarre. I mention him because he’s responsible for episodes like “Stuck in the Middle (With You)” (Cas’ first “I love you”) and “Tombstone” (aka Brokebacknatural lmao). I don’t know much about him otherwise, but that’s why he’s brought up usually (notable episodes: “Stuck in the Middle (With You),” “Tombstone,” “Atomic Monsters”)

hopefully this helps, and hopefully I didn’t forget about anyone major. There have been a LOT of people behind the scenes so it’s hard to say who to include. Like, I didn’t mention Jerry Wanek, Jim Michaels, Kim Manners, Thomas J. Wright, or others who might be mentioned from time to time.

[bluecloudious]

Here's a little rant about Kits and Zanaz canon, cause I have quite a few thoughts that I dunno what else to do with and my head was aching really bad (and I wanted to get smth done), so I decided to share some of the ones that I've been debating for a while (It's pretty long, be warned):

The TL;DR is just the thought names, I guess.

Thought nr 1: They are 100 percent a couple, even in the first comic I posted of them.

I've been thinking about this a lot, whether they were just best friends who had crushes on one another, or if they were just straight up a thing and, yeah. They're just a couple and have been for a while. The written story is now the AU where Zani chickened out of confessing his feelings for so long that he finally was given a deadline. Comics are the canon and in that canon, they got together shortly after becoming agents. Zani occasionally flirts with other people, but that's just kinda a part of his personality and Kits has grown used to it. Their shipname is Kitzan.

Thought nr 2: Kits has no self-confidence.

In the meeting comic I tried to make it a bit noticeable how unhappy he is with himself, but even after transitioning, that fact has only slightly changed. He is his preferred gender now, but he still isn't confident at all about his looks, his voice or what he says, despite how much Zanaz tries to convince him that he's fine. The only thing Zanaz has managed to stop Kits from doing is actually being self-destructive aka Kits starved himself for a while (also hinted at in the comic). That's why he's way chunkier now- cause his body stopped trusting him and gained fat afterwards. All of this isn't really visible or audible in any of the comics, because Kits isn't vocal about it at all. Zanaz is the only person who really even knows it/cares about it. It's also the base for his mostly detail-less design compared to Zani- he's trying not to stick out.

Thought nr 3: They both have a body count

Yeah, they've both killed before, which, for the world they live in, isn't really surprising. It was all in self-defence, don't worry. The amount of rogue agents and grunts that decide to deviate in a violent way is a pretty big percent, so they've had to encounter quite a few of them. Zanaz' preferred weapon is of course the handgun/glock and is the more experienced/lethal of the two. Kits on the other hand is more proficient with knives, his main weapon being a shaving knife he got from Zani. He hasn't had to use it much, but the few times he has, we're pretty desperate. Zanaz also has a body count in the other sense too, but you could probably tell that much already.

Thought nr 4: I still do not think they'll have a happy ending

Sorry, but the happy ending Kits and Zanaz I drew are just a part of an AU as well. There is no malicious reason for why I think they'll die. They just happen to get the short end of the stick, just like most members of the A.A.H.W. We are talking about an agency that has at least three(four if you count that one incident with 2bdamned) very proficient people constantly killing staff. There are so many deaths that they have to use clones, for pete's sake! The amount of time they've already managed to be alive for is quite impressive (I imagine about 3 years).

Thought nr 5: Zanaz is even more protective of his inner feelings than Kits is

Even though Zanaz is very blunt and honest about most things, even some considered private info to most, he is not actually open about how he feels. He hides his negative emotions as much as he possibly can, even from Kits. (This was briefly explored in the written story, also.) The only reason Kits knows this, is because he's caught Zani crying to himself in less visited areas of their main facility, once or twice. Even then he wouldn't say what's wrong, that's how stubborn he is. All Kits could really do when this happened, was hug him and pat his head.

Fun facts that I didn't know how to categorize:

Zanaz is a dog person and Kits is a cat person. They combine to become bird people. (Yes, this is my excuse to draw dog boy Zani at some point.)

Zanaz' and Kits' personalities are based off myself. Of course in an amplified way, but yeah, I relate to them a lot. (Others have claimed to relate as well, which is most pleasant.)

They get their shade colors from RGB. Regular agents have red, Zanaz has green and Kits has blue.

I occasionally draw them during my free time! Most of those pictures I will not be posting to Tumblr, however. Some cause they're just kinda sketches that I don't really see a point in posting and others are just straight up not Tumblr appropriate.

Kits and Zanaz had not dated anyone before each other. Kits cause of insecurity and Zanaz because he didn't want any commitment. They are still very loyal to each other, tho.

The main song I listen to whenever I draw Zanaz is Left Boy- Security Check. Kits doesn't have a song that I listen to and get his vibe, but I am still looking.

Bit of a bonus tangent too:

I'm sorry that most of these are negative. The funni bois are, ya know, funny, and I tend not to make media about them that isn't funny, but I wanted to blabber about how I think they are when not performing a punchline.

When I design characters, I never only think about the positive personality traits. I tend to instead think about what the negatives are, so I can figure out, how they handle it. How they cope and how they've grown from their negative experiences/emotions enchants me.

I've said this before, Kits and Zanaz got created on a whim, basically unintentionally. But, I grew attached to the two idiot agents with different color shades. Thus, I wanted to know more about them.

I think, by now, I've figured them out for the most part. (Thankfully I don't have to give them any family or nothing, cause they're both clones.)

Also, their color scheme is final. If you've noticed, they're shades have changed shade over time. Zanaz' got brighter, while Kits' got darker. The suit color is a random shade every time, cause I just choose a dark shade of gray via slider. Hair color hasn't changed at all, as far as I know. Only Good Ending Zani has darker hair, cause he had it colored.

And, speaking of the Good Ending AU, I don't think I know what to do with the concept. I try to think more into it, but my brain blanks. If anyone wants to draw or write about it, I would be completely fine with it. Might even consider it canon, if none of it conflicts with the established canon. Good Ending AU takes place in the far future, after all.

But, yeah, I think that's it. I'm kinda honestly surprised if anyone actually reads all of this, lol. I hope you found my long-ass tangent about my two silly gay MadCom OCs interesting :)))

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 19 - Holy Ground

Masterlist; Chapter 18

Summary: In the days before the mission in Tallinn, you and Neil have a few conversations to clear the air of doubts. Only, the mission itself proves to be a disruption...

Warnings: Swearing; mild violence.

Author’s Notes: Here we go, my favourite mission (and favourite Neil outfit too). This is only part one of the Tallinn action because so much happens... as you’ll see. I’m sorry. I really am. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

Song mentioned is: ‘Holy Ground’ by Within Temptation (I’ll share it in a post later but basically listen to it after reading and you’ll know why I’m obsessed)

Edit is courtesy of my amazing friend @sh3tani​ once again (ilysm and thanks for everything 💕)

The upcoming days were busy. You have been assigned the task of getting hold of some of the vehicles and artillery TP wanted for the heist in Tallinn. It was difficult, not only because it is actually rather hard to acquire a fire truck with no records left from the transaction, but also because you barely had any clue what you were actually doing. And so, most of the time, you were sat at the dining table in the flat, calling various shady people Neil gave you contacts to. Sometimes, a tea would appear in front of you, courtesy of the other team members thoroughly apologizing for how they handled the ‘alley situation’.

It seemed like your late-night walk and the cold treatment you gave everyone (including Neil) for the next 24 hours afterward worked. The jokes have ended, and contrition took their place, usually in the form of extreme helpfulness, random acts of kindness, and, in Neil’s case, a break from teasing. At least for a short while.

The only development you were not so sure of was the fact that the whole team decided to label your relationship. Not just any label but dating, verging on a couple. And that was rather terrifying. It struck you especially the night before when you have minded your own business in the kitchen. Watching over the pasta boiling on the stove, you listened to the plans made by Ives. He was trying to settle on the best way to track Neil during the heist when he suddenly turned to you with a question:

“Has your boyfriend told you what kind of car they are going for in the end?” the neutral tone made you skim over the term at first.

But then your brain caught up. What?! You almost toppled over the whole pot of pasta onto the floor when trying to drain it. Fuck. Ives was staring at you quizzically, as though confused about your current state.

“I… Who?” you stammered out the question, knowing it will only make everything worse.

“Neil” Ives grinned, “Unless you’ve gone for an open relationship and there’s another boyfriend involved”

“Christ, please stop” sighing, you tried to calm down just enough to function “I believe he’s going for a BMW, don’t know what series but something fast enough just in case there was a chase” triumphantly, you poured the sauce over the noodles.

“I’ll need to give him a call about it” Ives smacked his tongue thoughtfully.

“Feel free” using the opportunity, you grabbed the cutlery and escaped into your room.

Boyfriend? Now that was something to cause anxiety. Because despite everything that happened, all the things you have told Neil and got in return, you had no clue what you were supposed to be. Not really. Yes, sometimes you let yourself entertain the idea that maybe you were together, maybe he was your lover. But… was he? Could he ever be that?

With those thoughts occupying your mind, you only managed to last until afternoon the next day before giving in. After failing to contact a car dealer for the fifth time and realising that you have completely messed up the route plan due to forgetting about important details, you closed the laptop. It was hard to think when all your brain did was give reasons for why Neil would never actually want to be with you. To summarise: you were not enough, naïve, hopeless, and dumb enough to think that someone this incredible could think about you seriously. Stifling the sudden desire to breakdown and give up on everything, you dialed his number. He picked up almost instantly.

“Yes, my love?” your heart clenched at the nickname.

“Hi… um… Do you have a moment?” you cringed at the awkwardness.

“For you? Always”

Maybe, on another day, that would have made you smile. But that was not that kind of a day.

“Neil, I’m serious,” sighing, you rested your head on the cold wall behind your bed.

“What’s wrong?” his tone switched from playful to concerned.

Okay… now there’s no turning back.

“I’ve just been thinking...” you started, debating on the best way to breach the topic.

“Oh no”

Damn him. You cracked a small smile, knowing that was the intention. You could almost picture him at this moment, sat in some absolutely strange position in the armchair, nothing but long legs and ruffled hair. You did have it pretty bad.

“Shut up” you took a deep breath and blurted out “It’s probably stupid, and feel free to ignore this but... what even are we?”

There it is. Your whole existence hanged on his reply. But, of course, Neil needed more clarification than that…

“How do you mean?” his careful tone made your heart rate elevate.

The result was a string of sentences you shot out with the speed of a machine gun.

“Because everyone here assumes we’re dating. And Ives called you my boyfriend last night, and I don’t... I don’t know if that’s what’s going on and-”

“Okay, calm down,” he interrupted your rant “Take a deep breath” he waited until he could hear you exhale to continue “What do you want this to be? Because we’re the only people who have a say about it” the diplomatic tone made you frown.

But then maybe he just wanted to get your point of view before saying anything substantial… Trouble was you had no clue. Picking on a loose thread on your sweater, you sighed:

“I don’t know” maybe this was the right time to give him another piece of mind?  “I always hated labels because when you name something, it becomes real” you admitted, letting yourself slide down onto the pillows.

Nothing could hurt you there. Apart from potential rejection from the likely love of your life. Basically, fml, as the kids say.

“What about good things?” his question caught you off guard.

“Well, yeah, but… once there’s a couple, then there can be a break-up” the insecurity had an answer for that too.

Your cheeks heated up upon saying the word. Because even that felt like a step too far. Like maybe you were clingy. Obnoxious. Someone he could want to get rid of as quickly as possible. Before you decided to back out of the conversation, he replied:

“That’s a rather bleak way of looking at things” it was still that thoughtful tone.

A burden then.

“I know” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

But the next thing he said was rather surprising…

“I’ll need to work on making you more optimistic. Not because I don’t like you the way you are, but because I want you to realise how wrong you are sometimes” the conviction and practical implications of the statement made you speechless.

The future tense. The admission that he did like you, with your countless issues and overbearing anxiety. It couldn’t be, could it? Neil took your stunned silence as permission to say more:

“From my side, let me say that dating doesn’t quite cut it because it implies not being sure... And…” despite yourself, your ears perked up, wanting to know what he meant.

“Yeah?” you prodded, trying to toe that precarious line between curiosity and fear of rejection.

“I’m not really in the trial stages anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever been” he clearly wanted to tell you more but was holding back.

Maybe it was for the better. Before you could think about a response to that, Neil added:

“Basically, we don’t have to use any labels. We’re just us” the simplicity of that statement broke through your resolve, making tears well up “Me and you. We know best what that implies and no one else matters” quietly, you sobbed, and he laughed before choosing to put that final nail in the metaphorical coffin “You’re my love, and that’s the only nickname I need” Neil sounded happy, as though despite your worries, he wanted to say that “I can be your idiot, as long as I’m yours” the punchline came with an audible smug smile.

Oh my god. You laughed, with tears still silently falling down your cheeks and heart hammering in your chest. He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Suddenly asking that crucial question was not that scary. Because maybe today was the day when would tell you, without alcohol or worries prompting the confession. Taking the plunge, you spoke:

“Neil, do you-”

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted you with an answer.

“I haven’t even asked the question” you frowned, unsure whether that kind of an answer was better than a confession.

Because, yes, he already said it once (almost twice), but both those have been anything but thoughtful. And your ever doubting brain was quick to use that fact against you.

“But I know the answer” he sounded certain.

Perhaps too certain.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to tell you over the phone” Neil sighed heavily on the other end “Listen, I have to go… but call me or text if you need to talk” he hesitated before adding, “No matter what I want you to remember what I said that night in London”

Oh… It was the first time any of you brought it up. You just assumed it was one of the things that just slipped out in an unguarded moment. You wanted it to be true, but then that was too risky. But maybe not…?

“I heard you” you whispered despite being alone in the room.

“I know” you could picture the soft smile he sometimes gave you “Goodbye, my love. Good luck with work” at the reminder of the piles of papers still waiting, you groaned, causing him to laugh.

“Will be needed since what you’ve assigned me is close to impossible” the change of the topic was dearly welcomed.

Grabbing the laptop again, you opened it up and felt all the motivation dissolve upon the sight of the route waiting to be planned. Coffee will be needed. And maybe whiskey too.

“I believe in you,” Neil broke your brooding with a comment, “And it’s not really me who assigned it” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot” unable to stop the grin on your face, you ended the call.

So maybe it was worth calling… Even if only to learn that he was in fact yours. And that he did not mind your insecurity or moments of anxiety. Maybe all this had some more potential than heartbreak and tragedy? Ignoring all the thoughts, you focused on the workload. After all, someone had to get all those bloody vehicles on time for the boys to play with.

*** The closer it got to the day, you could feel the tensions rising within the team. Partially it was your own fault and the fact that you were nervous. The plan was vague enough. What you and Ives’ squad knew was that TP intended to take over the plutonium 241 on the move, specifically on the highway leading out of the city. For some reason, he needed a fire truck and a firefighter suit for that. You had no clue why, but you blamed it on the boyish dreams of being a firefighter. Sure they all had those.

Neil was simply the designated driver and mission coordinator, and you hoped that meant he would stay out of harm. As much as that was possible for an idiot like him. You were not allowed to meet to stop TP from getting suspicious, and so all you could do was rely on texts and daily phone calls to keep you from going insane. The downside of the situation was that you could not slap Neil when he said questionable things. Examples being referring to the heist car as sexy (“And what if I told that it’s not the BMW that’s sexy?” “I’d be flattered”) and calling you his girlfriend on the call with Ives. That second incident resulted in the squad leader acting all smug because he apparently ‘figured it all out’. He did not, but who were you to prove him wrong.

And so, you perfected the plan, finished all the assigned tasks, and waited on instructions concerning the day of the mission. When they came, the message was simple – sit on your assess and wait, just in case the Cavalry was needed. You did not specifically like that ‘waiting’ part. Especially since Ives began insisting that you do not actually join them in the field. In his mind, the safest place for you was the flat. Not being a part of the squad and not having enough experience were the main factors acting against you. And you hated the fact that he was right. That is until the evening before the mission when an unexpected text from TP came. You were busy trying to understand the rules of a strange competition show on the television when your phone buzzed. Expecting something nonsensical from Neil, you picked it up instantly. Only to get shocked by the number on display. The message was straightforward:

“Join the squad in the field in Tallinn. You must be there”

Right… When you were asking the universe for help, you did not expect that. But it was better than nothing.

Without a further ado, you got up and wandered over to Ives, who was sat with Wheeler and Michael at the table. Upon your approach, the Brit looked up:

“Don’t tell me you’ve got some last-minute changes from Neil” his blue eyes were hazed with concern.

“No, I’ve got something better” you passed him the phone and waited for a response.

The widened stare and arched eyebrow was the initial reaction.

“He wouldn’t have sent if it wasn’t important” you added, hoping to win the case.

“I don’t get it” Ives sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair.

He glanced at Michael, who nodded and left the room. You just assumed that the discussion was not meant for any ordinary squad member.

“Apologies for my language, but you’re not a bloody soldier, and it might get rough out there” Ives spoke up again after a beat “And I don’t want to fucking worry about your safety amidst all the other mess” he met your gaze warily.

It was a little embarrassing to be considered a burden. You flinched internally before trying another approach.

“I know, but Neil might need me” as soon as you said the words, Ives scowled.

Of course, that just sounded like a lovesick teenager fighting for a hopeless case. And you hated that. But his very next words triggered the remains of resolve.

“Frankly, darling-”

You broke into a laugh, knowing the quotation well.

“I swear, if you quote Gone with the Wind right now, I’ll do something stupid” as a warning, you grabbed hold of the knife lying on the table, making Wheeler snicker quietly “Please, let me go out there. I can track his GPS signal or something. And well, you know that I’ve got a good aim. It might count for something” pleading was not your forte either but at the end of the speech, Ives’ gaze softened.

Maybe? He sighed once again before leaning his forehead on the folded forearms on the table.

“If you get hurt, he’ll kill me” he muttered gloomily.

“You’re exaggerating” you bit back a dry chuckle.

“No, he’s not” your head snapped up at the sound of Wheeler’s voice “But I’ve got to back you here if TP sent that text, then it’s probably important” she looked at you with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grinned back, grateful for the support.

With the days spent among men almost exclusively, Wheeler’s company meant a lot. Soon she became the only person you were willing to discuss your worries with. Because she was not keen on cracking dumb jokes about your relationship and asked questions that did not only concern Neil. And that was a welcomed change.

“You really need to be careful though, because Neil cares about you. Which probably makes you the most important person on this squad” her voice broke through your thoughts.

You knew she meant well, but the statement still made your cheeks heat up. Because did he really care?

“Don’t. You’re making me all flustered” deciding you’ve had enough of the awkwardness you got up to fix a tea.

“Well, I’m only speaking the truth here” turning back to the table, you saw Wheeler shrug “The physics boy took his fancy upon you, and that’s no funny business” she grinned at your perplexed expression.

Briefly, you glanced at Ives, who seemed to have given up on fighting with you and instead was listening in to the conversation with a neutral facial expression. The kettle boiling was your cue to respond:

“Great” semi-aggressively, you threw the tea bag into the mug poured the water “Did he though?” you asked, not even looking at them or expecting an answer.

“Yep,” Wheeler stood up and gave you a quick reassuring shoulder squeeze.

“I’ve never seen him like this before” Ives added once you turned to face him again.

That tea could not brew any longer…

“Not even with…” you hesitated before adding quietly, “Alex?”

“Not quite,” the man gave you an enigmatic smile, only increasing your frustration “You’ve convinced me though. You’re coming with us. Just please, for the sake of my sanity, be careful out there” you resisted the urge to jump up in relief “Because I’d rather not deal with an angry Neil. He’s a pain in the ass enough” Ives added darkly before getting up and joining you by the kitchen counter.

Smiling, you finished the tea.

“Thanks. I’ll do my best” playfully, you nudged his shoulder with yours “You can always blame me though” picking up the mug, you turned towards the corridor.

“As though he’d care” Ives muttered at your back.

The sudden surge of confidence was surprising yet also inspiring:

“I’d make him care. There are some things even he can’t say no to”

The last thing you heard upon closing the door to the bedroom was Ives choking on water.

*** The Tallinn mission for you began with an early morning phone call from Neil. You got as far as getting out of bed after having been staring at the ceiling anxiously for the past three hours when the phone rang.

“Morning,” you muttered, stifling a yawn.

Espresso was certainly needed. Maybe two, before you would have to head out.

“Hey,” the soft tone felt like a mild punch “I’m glad you’re up already” Neil’s sleepy voice made you wish you could wake up together again.

There was always that slightly husky tinge to it, the way he lazily pronounced some words just because it was early still. So different from the enthusiastic overenunciation when he was preaching another messed up plan of his. Or the cheeky inflections he tended to use with you during banter. It was terrifyingly easy to get to know him that well because of how open he was with you.

“I couldn’t sleep. But it’s okay I’ll manage” you admitted, distracting yourself from the sudden thoughts “I didn’t tell you last night, but I got another text from TP… he wants me to join the squad today”

From the moment you have shut the bedroom door the previous night, you have debated calling Neil about it. But then he initiated another rather amusing texting exchange focusing on his fashion choices, and you felt bad disrupting the peace. It could wait. Not anymore. You held your breath until Neil responded with a simple question:

“Why?” he was careful, and you could not blame him for it.

You perched on the windowsill and looked out at the quiet cityscape. The streets were strangely empty for a weekday morning. Sighing, you answered in the best way possible:

“I don’t know, but Ives said yes after some coaxing, so I might see you out there” smiling despite yourself, you waited for his response.

Since recently you had to rely on phone calls, it became increasingly easy to determine his mood based on the tone of the reply. Or on the various nonverbal noises he sometimes made. Now there was a quiet hum proceeding the sentence. A surprise, mild confusion, and worry. Brilliant.

“As much as I’m happy we might meet… and that you can see me in that sexy car,” you rolled your eyes awaiting the point “Please, be careful. I need you safe”

It was not disappointing. You knew he did not intend it that way, and yet the anxiety fuelled brain was onto it instantly. I need you… safe. Unable to stop the comment, you muttered:

“Just safe, then”

“What?” any hope that he might have missed it dissolved with that single question.

Could he for once not listen to what you say? You know, like men tended to do. But then Neil was by no means an ordinary man.

“Nothing. Don’t mind me” the attempt at saving your dignity failed too.

“I thought it goes without saying that I do need you. And that I want you”

Oh god. At once, you wanted to smash your head into the wall and to kiss the bastard for being the way he was. Adding to that sentence, the mental image of his sheepish smile was enough to make your heart speed up. When the silence stretched, becoming awkward, you whispered a reply.

“It’s good to hear it sometimes” the coldness of the window glass cooled off your blazed cheeks, “Especially when I don’t actually believe it” he knew that by now, undoubtedly.

Here the nonverbal cue was a half-choked sigh. Annoyance. Frustration.

“You should. I don’t go around telling everyone that” Neil’s confident voice was trying to pull you back “And I certainly don’t have moments as we do with anyone else” at the implication, you felt flustered again.

Because there did not an hour go by without you thinking about what happened. The pull between you was startling at times. The absolute desire you felt. The way Neil knew exactly how to make you remember every second of every moment. With the memories flooding your brain, you could only utter a single question:

“Why me?”

It was curiosity. Because apart from that evening months ago when you first tried to make sense of your budding relationship, he never said why he cared about you. And you would never dare ask. But now, with everything that happened, it was worth trying. And Neil was willing to deliver:

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you’re the bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I know” you could only keep on listening with your mouth agape “You fascinate me, and I want to discover all that you’re willing to give me” he finished in a reverent whisper.

That was not what you expected to hear. Not now. Not ever. Speechless, you wondered whether maybe this time it was not a mistake to give your heart away. It was too late. He had everything but your body; that was just a matter of time.

“Neil, I…” this was all you could manage, afraid you would give away another confession.

“Well, you’ve asked,” he chuckled lightly and then asked, “Are you okay?” you could picture that crease between furrowed eyebrows.

“I suppose-” a loud knock on your door interrupted the sentence; it was time, “I think I should probably join them for the final briefing…” hesitantly, you jumped off the sill.

Only two of you could be interrupted during such an important conversation.

“Go, I won’t keep you. Believe me, though, when I say that I want nothing but to be with you. In every way possible” your breath hitched at the connotation behind the sentiment.

Jesus, this man…

“That’s rather mutual,” like a secret you passed it to him on a sigh “But only when you’re not an ass” that was a much-needed distraction for you both.

There was work to be done, after all. You could hear the commotion in the apartment rise in volume and strength.

“I’ll do my best then. Good luck, darling” you grinned at the nickname he was determined to use.

Darling, you could do with. It was better than the ‘love’ that always made you feel like you were just another one among many.

“Don’t do anything stupid I still owe you a few slaps… and a payback” you added the necessary suggestive tone to the last word.

The rest was up to him to figure out. Which he did, if the pleased laughed was anything to go by.

“I’m very much looking forward to all of those” you missed that smirk.

“You should. Bye, my idiot,” you debated saving his number as that in your phone.

Maybe it was the way forwards.

“My love,” laughing, you ended the call when he uttered the words just for the sake of it.

But then that was Neil’s essence – doing things just because. Or to get a reaction from you. And you would not have it any other way.

*** Only when sitting in that bloody SUV, you learned the true meaning of waiting. And how much you hated to do that. There was nothing to do apart from sweating in the protective gear and avoiding the awkward small talk others were susceptible to. The squad has cramped into two non-descript vehicles, and you being the so-called precious cargo, ended up in the same car with Ives who have sworn to protect you. Only, for the first half-hour, there was nothing to protect you from. Apart from anxiety, boredom, and frustration.

Your role was rather simple – follow Neil’s signal on the map to know where you might be needed should he call for backup. As much as you did enjoy the possibility of tracking his movements somehow, you did not appreciate the cheeky smile Ives had on his face when he gave you the job. Or the comment combined with it: “Well, he’s your boyfriend, it’s only fair you keep him on the metaphorical leash here”. That is how the small blinking dot on the map of Tallinn became your sole focus for the past hour. Just before everything kicked off, Neil radioed you with a simple message: The mission is about to start. Wait for further instructions.

Ever since your morning phone call and the revelations that came out, you only exchanged a few texts concerning the practicalities of the action. Despite the nerves, you did hope to see him in near future. Even if just to check whether what he said was true. Looking for a distraction from the sudden thoughts, you glanced at the screen again. They were near, on the main junction of the highway, heading towards the port. Your SUVs were parked underneath a small overpass, five minutes away in the current traffic conditions. Which proved to be convenient, as it turned out.

“Is he still following the set route?” Ives’s question brought you to the present moment.

“Yeah, they’re-” you glanced to double-check the exact location when you realised that something has changed.

The dot was not moving. It was still blinking, but clearly, they have stopped at a crossing. Traffic lights? Your brain somehow knew that it could not be that simple. You opened your mouth to voice the thoughts when the comm came alive on the dashboard with static crackling:

“We need back up here. ASAP”

“Roger that” Ives tossed you the radio “Ask him about the details”

Without waiting for more information, Michael fired up the SUV engine as Ives contacted the second vehicle.

“Neil” you spoke into the receiver “What happened?” you flinched at the louder noise from the radio.

Gunshots?

“We’ve been ambushed by Sator’s people. TP’s status unknown”

Bloody brilliant. Swallowing down the rising worries, you asked another question:

“How many people?” another gunshot pierced the silence.

“Not sure. They’ve gotten clean up orders” a strained breath from Neil told you how bad the situation was.

“Okay. We’ll be there soon” you glanced at the road ahead.

Still, 2 mins to go. Anxiety was threatening to overpower you at any moment. But now was not the time.

“Hurry up” Neil closed the channel with a final dose of static.

Fuck… Forcing a deeper breath, you could only watch as you got closer to him. The sheer thought of something happening to Neil was unimaginable. That was enough to trigger panic. So you pushed the idea to the back of your head, focusing on the distance disappearing.

There was no mistaking the fact that you have been led to the right place. Crashed cars, asphalt littered with glass shards and broken parts, gunshots piercing the air. The destination looked like a car pile-up from an action sequence. Frantically looking through the windows, you tried to spot that blonde head. To no avail. The SUV came to a sharp halt as the squad members began jumping out of the vehicle. Once everyone else disembarked, you moved to follow them, only to be stopped by Ives:

“You’re staying here. I can’t have you out in the shoot-out” his blue gaze was stern, hand blocking exit out of the car.

The idea that you were so close to Neil and could not see him was enough to make you angry.

“I can handle myself. And he’s-” you spit out the words in the face of the squad leader while trying to push him away.

“I said no. The conversation’s over” with a final glare, he stepped away and scanned the horizon for immediate danger “If someone approaches the car, you know what to do,” he threw as a parting remark and disarmed the rifle.

Fucking hell! Groaning in frustration, you kicked one of the seats. He was so close. You glanced at the device in your hand. He could not be further than behind the first line of crashed cars. Biting on your lip harshly, you quickly went over the options. One was to obey Ives and stay inside the bloody SUV like a well-behaved child everyone apparently took you for. No one seemed to care about the vehicles you parked on the outskirts of the action. Flinching at the further salve from the heavy artillery, you knew that the squad had joined the fray. You could be safe here… but… Taking a deep breath you knew there was no possibility you could stay away from the action. Not when Neil was there, potentially in danger. It was not possible to give up on someone that important just because you were told to. Christ…

Glancing through the windows again, you could see Sator’s people attempting to clear the place. The squad evidently attempted to push at them from one side, hoping to get a clean sweep that way. Then, just as you were about to go back to the internal crisis overwhelming your thoughts, you did a double-take. Surely not? You would recognize that hair colour everywhere. There he was attempting what was looking like a skirting manoeuvre to circle the mercenaries with the Cavalry on the opposite side. Only that left him completely uncovered, in the direct line of fire. Bloody idiot. The instinct to jump out and run to him kicked in. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you would disobey the orders. And leave the car unguarded. All the hesitation disappeared once the comm in the car crackled with static:

“Emergency assistance needed. ASAP” the tension in his voice made your pulse quicken.

The lack of response from the team made all the blood drain from your face. You could see him trying to hide behind some overturned car. The henchmen were near enough to get him with no problem.

That thought was all the convincing you needed. Swearing, you quickly pocketed the tracking device, adjusted your protective gear, and grabbed the gun. You have been offered a rifle (just in case), but you preferred the classic. At least it was something right?

In two leaps, you have covered the distance. With the team trying to get through the attack line on the other side, it was just you and Neil. You shot a round in the direction of the approaching merc, missing the target yet earning attention from the main object of your focus. His eyes met yours across the plane. You could see shock, worry, and something else there. Suddenly a salve whizzed past you. The bullets cutting through the air all around, shooting past your head and piercing the car behind. A strangled yell from Neil was a surprising reaction, yet you did not blink twice. He was all you could see. With a final surge through the field, you reached him. The pure fury and anguish in his eyes took you aback. Have you missed something? But there was no time to ask questions.

“Go, I’ll cover you” you whispered, looking at the approaching group of mercs.

Neil took an additional moment to stare at you as though he could not quite believe you were there. But then he jumped up, aiming the gun at the man closest to you. The same that undoubtedly attempted to take you out seconds prior. When the mercenary fell with a bullet in the head, you stared in shock. There was no time to recover as Neil pushed through, barely looking behind at you. It was surprisingly easy to tune out the emotions, taking out anyone who could threaten him or halt your advances. You worked well together, movements in sync enough to stun the opponents on a few occasions. For a second, you wondered whether it was only bound to get better the closer you get to each other. That was certainly an interesting idea… In no time you have met with the line of the squad, watching on as Ives dealt with the last man standing. You have won. The adrenaline started to leave your body, resulting in tremors and shaking hands. Clutching the gun to prevent it from cluttering to the ground, you met the exasperated gaze of the squad leader. Your only response was a shrug. You did not regret the decision, seeing as you have evidently helped them in the field.

“Neil? Do you know where TP is?” Ives took his attention off you and looked at the blonde man.

You followed his gaze, for the first time actually looking at Neil since you spotted him across the plane. At the moment, you were struck by what a sight he was. Navy shirt with sleeves rolled up to expose the forearms covered with veins. The same tie he had on during your walk. Your pulse quickened. The vest drawing attention to the ratio between his broad shoulders and narrow hips, accentuated with a belt. Brown loose-cut trousers and scrapped leather shoes adding a classy touch. You were aware that you were staring yet unable to look away. Not knowing whether to blame it on the adrenaline rush, you wanted nothing but to touch him. Take off those driving gloves that piqued your interest at the first sight. Or have them be wrapped around your throat with just enough pressure. Get rid of the tie again. And…

“Think Sator took him” Neil’s response broke through your increasingly hazy thoughts.

Shaking off the images that started appearing, you looked up at his face again. The ruffled hair and flushed cheeks were not helpful. Fuck’s sake. It had to be stress. Because what else?

“Their place in the port?” Ives asked, his tone nothing but strict business.

“That’s my bet” Neil shrugged, looking around with something dark in his eyes.

He was tense, like a feral animal that could lash out any moment. You were not wrong. The cold blue gaze settled on you almost remorsefully, but before you could open your mouth, he snapped:

“What the fuck were you thinking?” the hostile edge to his voice was new.

You flinched as though you have been hit. The lack of physical impact did not matter. Your heart stammered. He need not explain what it was about. Please no.

“You needed a cover. They weren’t responding, so I did the obvious” you shrugged, feeling the anger grow “And I could ask you the same question” spitting the sentence into his face, you took a step closer.

You have never seen him that furious. Not even in Oslo after your little fuck-up. The sight was both terrifying and alluring. The dark blue eyes blazed with fury. Jaw clenched. Slight pink tint on the cheeks. And yet, still, you had no idea why he reacted like this.

“I knew what I was doing. That’s the difference” the coldness of his voice threw you off.

So it was real. He did mean it. You tried to save him, and here he was, pissed off at you. Making you almost regret it. Almost, because the love was there too. Not giving away no matter what.

“That’s bullshit” it felt good to admit, “You were reckless, as always, and expecting me to-” your rant got interrupted by a strangled yell.

Nothing prepared you for the revelation then. Or the sudden anguish on his face.

“You were almost shot!” Neil’s eyes glistened as though he was close to tears.

Suddenly it made sense. The rain of bullets you were hit with just before getting to him. The way he reacted. But you made it. Nothing happened. So why was he acting like that?

“Almost” ignoring the growing pain in your chest, you pointed out the obvious.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ives and the rest of the squad observing you. You would rather not have an audience, but then Neil seemed determined to drive his point forward. His face scrunched into a pained scowl.

“Fucking hell,” turning away from your gaze, his back tensed even more “You can’t do shit like that just because I’m involved” the defensive tone took you aback.

What? It was getting worse. You could feel the confidence leaving your body as you struggled for a response. You would never think Neil would do something like that. Not after everything you have told him. Figuring out the only way you that could work, you took your own line of attack.

“Who says I did it only because it was you?” the implication hurt because it was partially correct “Quite an ego you’ve got there” his back was still turned to you.

That angered you even more. Crossing the distance, you placed your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to you. He flinched upon the contact as though your touch burned him. Oh my god. The tears welled up in your eyes. It could not be real. But the emotionless look in the eyes you thought you knew was very much real. It was as though before you realised Neil has built up a wall, guarding himself against you. And there was nothing you could do to get through. You got shocked by the cruel smirk that split his face.

“I can see the way you look at me. As though you wanted to-” you interrupted him sharply.

“Neil”

It was too much. Perhaps because it was true. But he was not done. Persistent to keep going.

“Admit it. It’s because you said some things, and now you can’t bear the thought of losing the object of your affection” the careless tone and the words pierced your heart with gut-wrenching pain “Well, you see, sometimes feelings need to be put aside” he added, almost casually.

Fuck. You gasped, unable to keep a straight face. He might as well see what he has done. Some things. So this is how much your confession meant to him. Good to know. You wanted to slap him, but you felt like that could turn back on you. So instead, you made sure to straighten your back, putting on the familiar mask of neutrality. You have done this before. Probably should have expected it. Only why did it hurt ten times more?

“Can we leave the bloody lovers quarrel till later?” Ives’s voice pierced through the tension.

But you were not ready. Raising your hand in a stopping motion, you turned back to Neil. His face was terrifyingly indifferent. Maybe it was all an act. Or maybe it was just that easy for him to get over whatever you thought you had. A lie. Gathering the smithereens of confidence, you forced a levelled tone:

“Says you. As though you’re acting out of reason right now” you gave him your best impression of the sneer visible on his face.

You could crumble at any moment now. Only the pounding in your ears and the wounded pride were keeping you upwards. But Neil wanted to destroy everything.

“More than you” he glanced at the team waiting impatiently “I really thought you’d know better than this” the punchline was more than you could take.

No. Please no. Your knees buckled, and you swayed. But then you caught the flash of concern in his eyes. Just for a split of a second. So it was not all cold and hatred? You heard Ives huff out a string of curses. There was no time for this. Whatever it even was. Honesty it was then.

“Better than to give away my heart to someone like you? Evidently not” you met his eyes for the final time before walking away in the direction of the SUVs.

The shock you saw in Neil’s face was enough to fuel the survival instincts. With the heart broken or not, the mission was still on. And the rest was silence.

[bitsandbobsandstuff]

Black lace and property damage

Summary: With your messy work hours, Bucky’s consistently inconsistent mission schedule, and those basic life tasks you’re both ignoring (when was the last time he actually bought a new toothbrush?), the simple act of just being together has been shunted to the side. Bucky’s officially starting to panic.  

Characters: Bucky x Reader Warnings: SMUT, 18+. Sweet sex, awkward sex, some dirty sex, some sex on a car. Basically sex. Swearing. Bucky wearing a white t-shirt and dog tags. My sketchy automotive knowledge.

A/N: This story is sort of an ode to anyone struggling to make time for your person. Life gets busy, so don’t be afraid to get creative. Also sometimes sex goes smooth and perfect, but often it comes with mishaps and giggles. Both ways are great, Bucky says just roll with it!

Want to find all my stories? Search #bitsmasterlist or try the link in my bio!

*****

The porch light above the front door is out.

Was he supposed to change that before he left?

--

“I’m not touching it Bucky, there are spiders up there. Big ones. The kind that give you rabies.”

“Spiders don’t have rabies.”

“No one’s ever proven that.”

--

Dammit. Yeah, he was.

Picturing you stumbling up the porch, using the pathetic flashlight on your phone to light the way, Bucky feels like a world class, Grade A jackass. He needs to make it up to you.

Good thing he has plenty of ideas for that.

“Please be home,” he mutters, “please be home, please dear god be fucking home.”

Fingers crossed, he kicks the door open and calls out a hopeful hello.

An empty echo returns.

Bucky blows out a frustrated breath.

Figures.

Slogging down the dark hallway, he slings his bag on the kitchen table with a thud. Grenade pins, bullet casings, fun size candy bar wrappers, and handfuls of beer bottle caps rattle loose in the army green canvas and he grimaces.

One of these days, maybe, just fucking maybe, he’ll convince Natasha to stop using his bags as her garbage bin.

Ignoring that disaster zone (a problem for future Bucky), he wanders over to the sink, where he spies a small tableau on the counter. Propped up beside his favorite coffee mug, the one with sparkly pink letters proclaiming “Bitch, I’m Fabulous”, is a folded piece of paper, his name scrawled across the front.

He flips it open.

“Hey Bucky Bear. Don’t let your sexy ass fall asleep before I get home, I have a surprise!”

Drawn under your bubbly letters, he finds two stick figures entangled in an outrageously lewd sex act. Tracing tender fingers over the very obviously male stick figure (you never were very subtle), he grins so hard his cheeks ache. Leaning on the counter, he sniffs the letter because he’s a sentimental sap and it smells like your Cherry-Almond lotion, and drops his head in his arms.

“So tired,” he whines softly, voice muffled against sleek granite.

Three weeks. That was the last mission. Three weeks, even though Steve guaranteed Bucky three days max. Of course, two days into the mission Bucky remembered that Steve Rogers is an accomplished liar, so instead he spent three exhausting weeks dodging bullets, rewashing all his underwear, and hysterically rationing his bag of fun size candy bars.

Finally home, he wants to forget everything and sink into the post-mission domesticity he dreams about when he’s stuck in some dank motel on the corner of Fuck This and No One Cares. The routine is simple. A scalding hot shower, burrito wrapping himself in the feather duvet, making out with you for a few hours, taking a break to eat some pizza, and then fucking you so hard he breaks the brand new headboard he made for you last month (actually the third headboard he’s made...a fact he smugly reports to anyone and everyone).

And after all that fun, he wants to sleep. Maybe two full days. Or five. Tops.

Is that asking too much?

“No,” he sighs out loud. “It’s not.”

Carefully folding the cartoon and your sweet message, he kisses the paper and tucks it in his back pocket.

No way he’s falling asleep before he sees you. Nope. Nada. Negative. Totally not happening.

Pepping himself up, he goes to work, whizzing through his homecoming task list.

Blood-stained tac clothes go in the washer with three cups of bleach. Guns and knives are wiped down and polished. The contents of the dirty green canvas bag are unceremoniously trashed. The spider infested porch light is changed (with only three furry sightings). The shower is set to a blistering temp and he hangs out in there for an hour, soaping his hair into a foamy mohawk, belting out a few showtunes with his shampoo bottle microphone.

Scrubbed fresh and clean, he flops on the bed with his Starkpad and opens up Netflix, searching for something to keep him awake. Several scrolls later, he finds Brooklyn 99 and settles in for a laugh.

Confident in his ability to resist the appealing pull of sleep scratching at his brain, he takes a slurp of the Super Double Big Gulp sized coffee on his nightstand and stretches his eyes wide open.

Staying awake. Piece of cake.

Ten minutes later, Bucky’s fast asleep.

*****

When his eyes pop open, the room is dark. He feels tipsy, sleep drunk on his first uninterrupted hours of rest in weeks.

Beside him, he feels the cozy pressure of another body. Glancing down, he finds you curled under the sheets at his side, your face smushed against his arm, steady breaths fogging the gleaming metal.

Asleep.

Bucky grits his teeth. Squeezes his eyes shut. One thing. You asked him to do one thing.

God. Dammit.

Furious with his lame old man ass, he almost wakes you up. Almost. But then he swallows that desire and thinks.

Before he got married, Bucky read every relationship advice book under the sun. He gets the importance of keeping the romance alive. He knows you need to cherish your person, make them a priority, shower them with love. He knows. He gets it. He watches Oprah, for fuck’s sake. Relationships take work.

But lately? This is life.

With your messy work hours, Bucky’s consistently inconsistent mission schedule, and those basic life tasks you’re both ignoring (when was the last time he actually bought a new toothbrush?), the simple act of just being together has been shunted to the side.

Bucky’s officially starting to panic.

Although, he muses, eyes lingering on the innocent curve of your mouth, the chaos has forced both of you to get more…creative.

He grins.

It was you who instigated it the first time. He was lying in a dingy motel bed when you nervously offered.

--

“Hey, um…do think maybe you’d…like…would you…uh…”

“Spit it out babe.”

“Doyouwannatryphonesex?”

--

An anxious slur so fast, he nearly misses the question. He remembers that beat of hesitation, before you dove in headfirst, telling him in obscenely explicit detail exactly what you wanted to do to him. He was so shocked he dropped the phone and had to naked crawl under the grimy mattress to fish it out.

He must’ve jerked off five times that night. Replaying your filthy words. Remembering the quiet whimpers as you came on your fingers, gasping out his name. What a treat.

Sexting soon followed, accompanied by a plethora of nudes. None from you of course, because as you always remind him, you’re a lady, but Bucky? He gets irrational joy from sending them. They come in a variety of close-ups and poses, several which Sam accidentally discovered when he walked in on Bucky prancing around naked, searching for his best angle.

Sam always knocks now.

But sometimes words and pictures aren’t enough. Sometimes you need the soothing weight of someone in your arms. The scent of sweaty skin beneath your nose. Hot breaths of pleasure in your ear and the touch of a cool tongue licking across a heated body.

Sometimes he just needs you.

Could he wake you up? Sure. He knows you wouldn’t mind, you’ve told him a thousand times. But he also knows how tired you’ve been, and he can’t bring himself to shake you awake, selfishly stealing those bits of recovery you need.

So instead, he searches for something to keep him occupied.

He tries reading Game of Thrones again and gets nowhere. Thinks yet again someone needs to get George R.R. Martin an editor.

He flicks on his phone and covertly watches PornHub on mute. Seriously debates whether he can get away with jerking off while you’re sleeping because hey, Bucky Barnes is nothing if not stealthy.

He stares up at the ceiling and tries to see how long he can hold his breath. He gets 2 minutes and 8 seconds (a new record) before giving up.

In the end, he rolls onto his side stares intently at you. Wills you to wake up on your own. Come on baby, please.

But nothing works, and when sleep still doesn’t come, he decides to be productive. Crawling carefully from the bed, he smothers a laugh when you curl instantly into the warm mattress dip of his body, burrowing further under the blankets and unconsciously stealing his pillow. Most mornings Bucky wakes up hanging off the bed, no blankets or pillows to his name, while you’re swathed in comfort, cold toes shoved beneath his belly.

Maybe he should be annoyed. Except every time he looks at you, he forgets how to scowl.

Love is weird.

Rummaging silently through the closet, he unearths a threadbare pair of jeans and an oil stained t-shirt, slips into his worn leather boots. He drops a light kiss on your forehead, brushing a finger down the curve of your neck. Smiles to himself when you snuffle a quiet snore.

And he heads out the backdoor, down the weatherworn brick to the garage out back.

It was an added bonus when he bought the house. An unanticipated domestic perk. Hell, he never thought he’d find someone would actually date him, let alone someone who wanted to marry him and buy a house with him and accept his penchant for hoarding things in a rickety old garage (come on, I grew up in the Depression and I need this, he whines every time you take him to Target).  

Thank god you said yes. He’s the luckiest jerk in the world.

Flicking on the garage light, Bucky still gets a little thrill. The entire place is an homage to eclectic, random artifacts, from the box of ugly 1970s vases he found at a flea market, to the fishing equipment he insisted on buying and has yet to use, to the sack of broken seashells you drunkenly collected on your honeymoon in Costa Rica.

In the midst of the swirl sits his pride and joy. Cherry red paint, black leather seats, a tad dusty, full of potential.

The 1969 Camaro looks like a teenage wet dream.

He remembers the day he brought it home, that surge of macho pride when your eyes lit up. After you slapped his ass and told him how sexy the car was, he reveled in your admiration for maybe 10 seconds, before hauling you back to the house and under the sheets. Took several hours before you both came up for air.

That was a good time, he thinks dreamily.

The car attracted his friends as well. Sam and Steve brought over a celebratory case of beer and stood by while Bucky explained the changes he had planned. Steve gave a few sage nods, while Sam helpfully threw out words like fuel injector now and then. Neither had a fucking clue what was happening, but Bucky graciously let them fake it.

Tony also saw the car once. Got a fervent gleam in his eye and started to say the phrase jet fuel, before Bucky ushered him out the door. Tony doesn’t get to see the car anymore.

There are still plenty of fixes to make, but for tonight he takes it easy. Flips on the ancient radio perched above the workbench and flops down on a rolling seat, sliding under the Camaro to tinker around. He goes to work, lets the crackle of the radio and the mechanical puzzle lull him into focus mode.  

So intent on the task at hand, he barely hears the garage door opening.

The click of a shoe alerts him too late and he freezes, gripping his wrench tight. Muscles tense, garage floor plans and fight scenarios flooding his brain.

“Bucky? Do you have a sec?”

His breath whooshes in relief at your voice. A silly grin bubbles up because you’re finally awake, until he tilts his head sideways, peering out from under the car to see your feet.

Black high heels.

Stomach sinking, Bucky closes his eyes. Back to work then. Motherfucker. He missed his chance again.

Swallowing down the bitter disappointment, he croaks out a plea.

“Hey babe, do you gotta go back to the office so soon? Can you just - “

Click click and you step between his legs. Firm hands clutch the oil stained fabric at his knees and you pull. The seat rolls easily and he slides free, squinting up at you in the dim light.

The words die on his lips.

Black high heels, yes.

And.

Lacy black underwear, the sides held together with thick satin ribbons. A lacy black bra, your breasts threatening to spill out.

Gorgeous, devilish smile.

Fingering the wide satin bow between your breasts, you tease a light tug and Bucky starts sweating like a virgin on prom night. His wrench slips from numb fingers, thunking him in the nuts and clattering away.

“Shit,” he grunts. There’s a moment of confusion on whether the fresh ache in his balls is from the punch of the wrench, or tantalizing swathes of skin before him, but then you say his name and he figures it out pretty fucking fast.

“Hey Bucky Bear,” you purr, in that raspy voice he loves. “Still want that surprise I promised?”

Palming himself roughly, Bucky adjusts the suddenly tight front of his jeans, eyeing you with a lusty smile. Fuck yes, he wants his surprise. He wants everything about you.

“You bet your sweet ass I do. What’d you have in mind?”

“I have some ideas,” you say playfully. Stepping closer, slipping your fingers into his silky hair, he leans into the touch. “And I promise we’ll get to them. But first, how about you stay down there and maybe show me how much you missed me?”

Torn, Bucky looks down at his oil stained fingers. They spasm, clutching the edge of the seat so tight the metal bends. His voice drops several octaves.

“Babe, I - shit, I’m gonna kill the mood here, but my hands are all dirty, I should wash ‘em first,” he apologizes. Rolling your eyes, you shift closer until the edge of his nose is a mere inch from the delicate lace panties.

“I’m not asking for your hands, soldier. You have a mouth. Get creative.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. Sassy and domineering? And nearly naked?

Hell yes, his dick shouts. Here we fucking go.

Warm and cool, tentative fingertips press into the smooth skin behind your knees, stroking higher until he’s plucking the satin ribbons and pulling. It feels like Christmas morning when the knot slowly breaks apart, whispers of satin and lace floating to the ground.

Nosing against your core, he inhales, long and deep. A low growl rumbles, rough hands gripping your hips tight and heat explodes across your skin when his tongue presses into your folds, licking over your clit.

“God,” your moan is dark, desperately breathless, “keep - that feels so good, Bucky, keep going, please, been way too long.”

Bucky gives a fervent nod of agreement, strands of his dark hair tickling your thighs. When was the last time he did this? Nah, you know what? If he has to ask, it’s been too long.

From now on, the only correct answer should be every damn day.

He feels you moving his head, guiding him exactly where you need him most, and he hums hungrily. Shoves his tongue deeper. He adores when you take charge, using him, his mouth or his fingers or his dick, to get yourself off. He loves it, dreams about it, wishes you would let him film it just one time (because sometimes missions last three weeks not three days Steve).

But until then, he devotes himself to making it perfect because you deserve perfect.

Fast, firm flicks of the tongue. Long, leisurely strokes, licking you slow and sweet. Rough pressure, his plush pink lips sucking tight around your clit. So good.

Your eyes fall closed as his tongue moves faster, quicker, pushing you closer closer closer -  

No, that won’t do. Cold metal lightly pinches your ass, a bid for attention. Chest heaving, you open your eyes.

Bright eyed and eager, Bucky gazes up from between your legs, looking thoroughly debauched. White t-shirt stretched tight across broad shoulders, dark hair mussed in your fingers, an obvious erection straining his jeans.

So close, you’re so close, right on the edge, just another second -

He knows, of course. Could always play you like a fiddle. He cocks a challenging eyebrow, sucks your clit between his teeth -

“Oh god, Bucky, fuck,” you moan. Weak knees buckle and his hands clutch your ass, keeping you upright and open. He never stops licking, swirling that talented tongue to draw out the bursts and shocks of pleasure until you’re gasping. When he’s wrung every drop from you, he kisses the sensitive bud and tips his head back with an arrogant smirk.

Legs like jelly, you promptly collapse into his lap.

The momentum of the fall sends the rolling seat flying. Busy being chivalrous and keeping you from tumbling headfirst onto dirty concrete, Bucky lets the wheels send him whizzing backward. His head smacks the door handle with a sharp thwack.

“Ow,” he grunts.

“Sorry,” you pant. Struggling for breath, wrapped in the haze of post orgasm bliss, you cuddle against him, soaking up his warmth. “Want me to rub it?”

Massaging his head, he wrinkles his nose. “Maybe. Depends on what you’re offering to rub.”

“Dealer’s choice,” you sass, and Bucky barks out a laugh. Wandering hands skim lightly over your shoulders, fingering the straps of the lacy bra, feather light trails along your collarbone, to the satin bow between your breaks. Tugging impatiently, he smiles when it unwinds, your breasts spilling free.

“Well, how about I take my pants off, we get in the backseat of this car, and you rub whatever you find.”

“Intriguing. What happens after I finish rubbing whatever…pokes my fancy?”

Bucky dips his head, takes your nipple between his lips, sucking gently. The feel of his wet mouth has you squirming closer until he pauses to offer an option.

“Maybe we fuck like a couple horny teenagers?”

“You’re killing me with the romance here, Barnes,” you say drily and he chuckles. “But I was maybe thinking something different.”

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

Licking a lazy strip between your breasts, he kisses up, up, up, until his tongue finds the hammering pulse of your heartbeat. Bemused, he hears your voice falter, before bravely offering your idea.

“I was thinking maybe I sit on the hood of your pretty red car, and – and you spread my legs and fuck me so good, I can’t walk for a week.”

Startled, Bucky pulls back. Excitement explodes in his chest.

“You - really? Seriously? That’s what you want?”

“Yep,” you confirm, palpable relief at successfully executing the dirty request. “That’s exactly what I want.”

Bucky plants a sloppy kiss on the tip of your nose. Wiggles his eyebrows and winks.

“Well god damn. You got it sweet cheeks.”

Wasting no time, he pushes off the ground and you kick your heels off, wrapping your legs around his waist. He huffs out a blissful moan when you suck a string of hickeys down his neck, grinding against you as he stumbles to the front of the car. Without thinking, he drops you on the shiny red hood and -

“Cold!”

Icy metal meets your bare ass. There’s a panicked scramble back into his arms and he manages to catch you, until your flailing upper cut cracks his jaw. It sends him off balance, tripping forward to smack his kneecaps on the Camaro’s fancy new grill. A grating screech tears the air and the grill rattles to the floor, the metallic clang bouncing off the walls.

Flinching, you peer up at him as it fades away.

Bucky’s nose twitches.

In all his fantasies (and there are many, because you are one sexy piece of ass), this shit never happens. Every sexcapade is effortlessly smooth, sensual and steamy, where you both look great, not a hair out of place, no oil-stained hands or unintended destruction of expensive vintage cars.

In reality, it seems like something always goes sideways. One of his nipples gets gouged by your fingernail or the silk from your negligee gets caught in the plates of his arm, or one of his perfectly aimed thrusts sends you both toppling off the bed. Sometimes he wonders if this is just the two of you? Do other people have perfectly orchestrated sex lives? Is porn not a true mirror of real life?

Is porn a lie?

Maybe he should watch more porn and form a more educated opinion.

For now, he takes in your crestfallen expression, vehemently shaking his head when you try to apologize.

“Buck, I’m sorry, I -“

Holding up a stern hand, he stops you cold. Sets you on your feet, gallantly whipping off his shirt, and spreading it on the shiny red paint. This time when he sets you on the hood, you lay back until the familiar scent of his cologne hugs you close. Bucky lifts your feet, propping each on the hood, spreading your legs open. He leans in close, a pink flush spreading over his chest, crawling up his throat, blue eyes turning dark.  

“Listen to me. Don’t ever apologize, okay? You’re worth more than this old junker.” A crooked smile tilts his mouth, his voice as soft as the lips now brushing yours. “You’re priceless. You understand?”

“Okay,” you murmur. Fingers dance lightly up the hard planes of his stomach, wrapping around the chain of his old dog tags. “I understand.”  

Bucky nods, watching your eyes drift down, drinking him up. He lives for that look. Sets him on fire, to watch you ogle him. When your eyes skate down his right side, he flexes his forearm a bit, because he knows it turns you on.   

A swift tug of the chain and he dips easily, mouth slanting over yours. There’s a faint sound of teeth clacking together, and he stifles a laugh at your excitement. Deep kisses, stoking that simmering fire sitting right below the surface. Your lips part and he slides inside, curling his tongue around yours, pulling away to lick along the corner of your mouth, to suck your bottom lip between his teeth.

The thought appears, same as when he had his mouth between your legs. How long has it been since the two of you just made out like this? Same answer? Too fucking long?

This is definitely happening more often.  

He feels your eager fingers reach for the button of his jeans, popping it open, slipping your hand inside. Cool fingers wrap tight around his cock, the other hand wandering down to squeeze a handful of his ass. Bucky hurriedly shimmies his pants to his knees, sets both hands on the car and leans forward, tipping his face down, touching his forehead to yours. Blue eyes flutter closed, breath hitching while he concentrates on the feel of your capable hands, slow strokes along his length, slicker with each tug.

“Fuck, that feels good,” he grits out. “Can you - damn that’s good - can you, there, bit lower -“

Ragged pants melt into a low groan when you slip your hand from the death grip on his ass to cup his balls, rolling them against your palm.

“Like that?”

“Yeah, yeah, yes, fuck yes, just like that,” he hisses, thrusting into your hands. “Can you - can you pull just a little-“

He stammers the question, ignoring your amused hum. It was a quirk, one he discovered early in the relationship. It came out of the blue, a bashful request during a romp in the sheets, but for some reason, Bucky has a thing for having his balls tugged. Not hard (which was also discovered after an unconsciously rough yank had him squealing in pain), but more of a soft squeeze, followed by a slow pull.

Like how you squeeze an overripe banana, he had explained later, gingerly massaging his balls. Not so hard it squishes.

Many entertaining attempts later, and he swears you have the move patented. Stroking his dick faster, your thumb presses over his balls, before a careful pull. Tipping his head back, Bucky stares glass eyed at the ceiling, lost in pleasure, pushing himself into your firm grip.  

“Feel good?” you murmur.

“Yeah. Yes, so good, so god damn good ,” he chokes out. Faster, harder, faster - and then a strangled gasp and panicked blue eyes catch yours. “Wait, too good, it’s too good! Don’t wanna come yet, hang on! Need to be inside you first.”

He grabs your wrists, the thwarted sting of a denied orgasm obvious in the grind of his teeth. Both of you look down to where your hands are wrapped around him, one still kneading his balls, the other curled around the velvety hot skin of his cock.

“Okay,” you say, looking him up and down. “Fine, but - you’re so sexy, Bucky. And I love your balls.”

Bucky nods furiously, gulping a deep lungful of air. His ass cheeks are twitching.

“I love that you love them, I really do. But babe, I need you to let go of my balls or I’ll come all over your hand,” he rasps, wiggling away. Releasing him, your hands run up his chest, twining around his neck, dragging his sweat damp chest flush against you.

“If I must,” you agree, smiling into his lips. Bucky relaxes into you, the slow melt of tongues follows, the kind where a kiss bounces around, until it finds the perfect rhythm. His hands trace up the line of your arms, unlocking your fingers and pulling them free. Brushing his thumbs over your wrists, he bends close, kisses your knuckles.

And then he folds your arms above your head, pinning them down.  

“Keep them there, alright? Don’t move until I say you can.”

“Kinky. Yes sir,” you breathe. He smirks.

“You’d better watch it, you little deviant. I might get used to that.”

“Sorry…sir.”

Pulling you further down the hood, he rubs his cock between your legs, sliding himself between your folds until a slick sheen coats his skin. It startles a grunt from you when he abruptly shoves inside, sinking deep until his hips press flush to yours.  

He waits. Has to wait actually, because its been a long damn time and if he’s not careful he’s going to embarrass himself before he even gets started and holy shit, is this even real life? Is he dreaming?

Splayed out on the hood of his car, legs wide open, breasts wet from his tongue, black lace and crumpled satin ribbons. Arms pinned above the luscious skin bared just for him. Bucky stares between your legs, dry mouthed and dizzy.

“Come on, Bucky, please? Fuck me, please fuck me, I missed you so much.”

How could he ever resist this? You naked, writhing against the vivid red of his Camaro, moaning for him to fuck you, with his cock buried in your -

“Aw fucking hell,” he mutters. After so many weeks apart, he knows full well this won’t last long. It’s a damn good thing he has more than a few rounds in him.

Cracking his neck, rolling his shoulders back, he digs thick fingers into your thighs, pulls back nice and slow. He waits. Waits. Waits a bit longer because he likes to be an asshole and hear you beg.

“Bucky, come on -”

And he plunges into you, burying himself in the tight, silky heat of your cunt. Warm up over, no slow start. The pace he sets is rough, so deep he feels the pleasure licking down his spine and into his toes. Over and over, he slams into you until one particularly sharp thrust presses the tip of his cock against that perfect spot inside and you arch up with a broken cry. Hands scrabble above your heard, searching for anything to hold onto, finding something flexible.

With a plastic snap, the windshield wiper blade breaks off in your hand.

Bucky stutters to a halt, blinking sweat from his eyes when he sees the look of horror on your face. The apology is still forming when he snatches the plastic from your fingers, throwing it aside.

“Don’t care,” he grunts. Giving you no time to argue, he wraps his hands behind your knees and raises your hips, fucking into you faster. The filthy echo of sweat slick skin accompanies his breathless order. “Touch yourself. Let me watch.”

A frantic agreement and one hand slips between your legs, the other cupping your breast. Frantic circles over the swollen bud, trembling fingers plucking at a pebbled nipple. Bucky watches greedily, eyes flickering back and forth, memorizing those things that bring you pleasure, fantastically dirty memories to replay on a rainy day.

“Bucky,” desperate fingers rub your clit faster. “Keep going, please keep - keep doing that, I’m close, I’m so close, I’m -“

Sharp and sweet and unexpected, the orgasm crashes into you. Arching up, the low moan tears free, and Bucky slows, hypnotized by the sight of you shuddering beneath him.

“There you go, that’s it,” he urges hoarsely, before surging forward and capturing your lips in a wild kiss. Two more pumps of his hips and he stops, grinding against you until he comes with a heavy groan.

Silence fills the room, broken only with the sounds of harsh breaths and the wet rush of his heartbeat thumping in his ears. He rests his forehead between your breasts, listening to the staccato beat of your quick breaths, until you struggle up onto your elbows, pushing his sweaty hair away from his face.

“So I broke your car.”

He says nothing, but a moment later his shoulders begin to shake and suddenly he’s laughing, great rushing wheezes as he struggles for breath. Raising his head, he finds you nervously squinting down at him. He stretches up, presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I got insurance. Just need to check my coverage for mildly destructive ‘I missed you’ sex.”

“You might consider expanding that policy. I’m just saying,” you suggest with a giggle and he snorts.

Quiet contentment blankets the stuffy garage, both of you basking in that tingly afterglow. Folding your hands behind his neck, you draw him close and Bucky nuzzles into the crook of your neck.

“Been tough lately,” he whispers, mouthing gently along your throat. “Trying to find time together.”

Nodding slowly, your smile turns wistful.

“Yeah…guess it makes any time we get even better. Right? It doesn’t matter to me what we do, as long as we’re doing it together.”

Bucky feels a lump in his throat (the kind that could easily dissolve into manly super soldier tears), and he gathers you in his arms, tucking you against his chest. When he answers, his voice cracks just a bit.

“Someone’s a sentimental sap.”

He hears your muffled laugh against his chest, feels you bite at his collarbone and he chuckles.

“I love you Bucky. And I’m really sorry I murdered your car.”

“I love you too, babe. I’m glad you came down here. Especially in that outfit.”

“Yeah? You liked it?”

“Fuck yes I did. What spurred that idea, hmm?”

“I just don’t want to lose our spark,” you admit, snuggling closer. “When things get so busy, it’s easy to let things like this slide, and I don’t want you to - get bored, I guess. With us.”

Bucky thinks about all his relationship advice articles and the fact that he sometimes even prints them out and goes through with a yellow highlighter to capture the key points. Hearing your soft concern makes him fall even more in love with you.

Because this is important. This relationship, this love, this spark he was lucky enough to find with you, it’s the most important thing in his world. You are the most important thing in his world.

Brushing a knuckle down your cheek, he coaxes your chin up.

“I know it’s tough, always being on different schedules, but I want you to know, I’m always gonna love you and I’m always gonna want you. Nothing changes that. And if you ever doubt just how much I genuinely want to bang you all night long, then you say something. Deal?”

He boops your nose and you grin.

“Deal.”

“And honey, not that I’m complaining, trust me, but you don’t need to dress sexy to get me all reved up,” he shrugs. “You do that just by looking at me.”

“You do know how to charm the pants off a lady, Barnes.”

He throws his head back and laughs. Swings you up in his arms and calms your startled yelp with a kiss.

“Damn straight. Now how about we give that backseat a try. I think you mentioned wanting to rub something back there?”

*****

[loonatism]

WHAT IS THE LOONAVERSE? PART 1 – THE SCIENCE

LOONA is special among K-pop for its immersive storyline. These girls are not just k-pop idols performing a song, they also perform a story and that story is what we call the Loonaverse.

So, What is the Loonaverse? In a few words: The world and story that LOONA inhabits.

Yeah. Duh. But what is it?

Well… it’s complicated.

The Loonaverse is a fictitious story that borrows elements from real science and fantasy to build its world but also uses allegories, metaphors, allusions and other literary devices to tell its story. Our job as spectators (and specifically us theorizers) is to look beyond those devices to understand the message they are trying to send. In this post I’ll attempt to explain the science of the Loonaverse: parallel universes, time loops and the mobius strip.

PHYSICS VS FICTION

The Loonaverse can be described as the physical universe where the characters of LOONA live and where the events of the story happen.

By physical universe I mean that literally: its own universe. There are multiple theories that explain the existence of multiverses; from infinite universes theories to bubble theories to parallel universes to daughter universes; all incredibly interesting readings and all with fundaments in real physics.

On the other hand, the Loonaverse is a fiction story. Created by the creative minds of the people working in BlockBerry Creative (The company LOONA is under) and specifically by Jaden Jeong (who is a polarizing figure amongst Orbits). As a fiction story it is undeniable that the Loonaverse takes elements form science fiction and fantasy to build its story so going hard into the nitty gritty physics of how it works is ambitious at best and purposelessly time consuming at worst (though if you are interested in the nitty gritty of multiverse theory by all means go read about it, is mind-blowing). Nah, for the purposes of this (really not that long once we get to it) theory, we’ll focus only on a few key science related aspects:

MATHEMATICAL UNIVERSES

This particular multiverse theory debates whether math is a tool used by us to describe our universe or a fundamental truth of the universe itself. If it were the latter, then the possibility of multiple universes with vastly different mathematical structures is possible. This implies a different set of physics working in those universes. Basically: physics and mathematics themselves may work differently in different universes: It is as simple as is sounds. (Yeah, 2+2 may = fish in another universe, or flying is possible and even normal).

Using this admittedly long explanation for a constant in science fiction and fantasy, we now have a physics approved explanation for all the odd things that happen in the Loonaverse: super powers, climbing in air, destroying the moon, walking in the moon and most importantly: time disruptions.

 SPACE/TIME RELATIVITY

So… time is weird. Physicist can’t decide what exactly is time. Is it a dimension? A physical force of the universe? An illusion we humans use to perceive existence? Does it even exist at all? We’ll just assume it does and use Einstein’s theory of relativity to explain it.

So… The universe is composed of a 4-dimensional fabric called space-time. (Like, picture an actual tablecloth). When anything with mass falls into that tablecloth it creates a bend, that bend is what we call gravity. This gravitational pull modifies both how space and time are perceived. Everything close to that gravitational pull will move at exponentially slower time than anything outside of it. In simpler terms: Time varies depending of your relationship with another object. But if gravity can modify the way time is perceived, so can speed. The explanation for this is long and complicated and involves a difficult choice between speed not being absolute for anything except that light has an absolute speed and those two statements don’t match. But Einstein, being the clever guy he was, came up with Time dilation: The faster you move the slower time moves for you.

A simpler way to understand all this is to just watch the movie Interstellar. They did a really good job of conveying Einstein’s theory.

Of course, physics haven’t been able to prove the possibility of moving through time backwards, only forward. But hey! We are dealing with a different universe where the laws of math and physics don’t abide by Einstein’s theories. Well let’s unify science and fiction and talk about time travel.

 TIME DONUTS AND THE MOBIUS STRIP

Yeah, we finally got here.

The Mobius Strip. The one constant in the Loonaverse is the Mobius Strip. It’s importance has been confirmed by BlockBerry Creative and you’d be hard pressed to find any theory that doesn’t include it somewhere. So, What is a Mobius strip?

Also called the twisted cylinder, it is geometrical shape that has one side, one curve and it’s non orientable, forming a loop on its own. The properties of the mobius strip come into play in the sense that if you were to travel through it, you would go through you starting point once but from the opposite side of the strip before returning to your original starting position.

Here’s a 3D model of the thing: https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:239158

Curious things:  If you were to cut down a Mobius strip through the middle you would end up with long mobius. If you were to cut it twice at 1/3 the size each cut, you would end up with one long ass loop and one shorter loop that surrounds it.

Here’s a video that shows that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlQOipIVFPk&ab_channel=ThinkTwice

Okay one more schiency term to explain:

Time donuts (not really called that way) is a time travel/time machine theory  that claims that a donut like vaccum that envelopes a sphere of matter and surrounded by a strong gravitational pull would create a void where time/space would collapse into itself, crating a sort of time loop where the closer you move to the sphere the bigger the gravitational pull to the point where you could even start going backwards. Here, space/time is the time machine (yeah, trippy). The physics to this theory are quite debatable at best but it is a theory nontheless, and perfect one for our purposes.

A new time-machine model with compact vacuum core by Amos Ori: https://arxiv.org/pdf/gr-qc/0503077.pdf

IT ALL COMES TOGETHER

Okay I read all this sciency stuff and I still don’t get it: How do all this relates to the Loonaverse? Well, my patient reader, all this science mumbo jumbo helps us understand the main conflict of the Loonaverse: escaping a never-ending time loop.

The theory states that the Loonaverse happens in a parallel universe where the laws of physics don’t abide to our own. In this universe the girls (LOONA) inhabit a space (moon maybe) that moves through time inside of a Mobius Strip, which itself envelopes a large dense sphere of mass, thus creating a time loop. The closer the girls get to the sphere the slower time moves to the point it may go backwards. Because they move through time in a Mobius Strip, the amount of time it takes them to re start the loop is long (though I am not sure how long). In the mean time they will go though their starting point but in the opposite side of the loop.

This means the girls are essentially trapped in a never-ending loop. Think Groundhog Day, Palm Springs, Russian Doll, Happy Death Day; and if time loop movies have taught us anything is that time loops kinda suck after a while.

But this also gives us the tools to possibly escape this loop. Our physics don’t abide in this universe, there are super powers, and mirror images and the possibility of escaping if we understand how it all works in the first place.

With all this science talk, doesn’t that make the Loonaverse a ScyFi story? Well… No.

Science Fiction as a genre uses technological and/or scientific advances to investigate and/or explain a human reality. It usually comes in the form of a warning (Brave New World) or as an exploration of what makes us human (Blade Runner). Science Fiction explores the possibilities of humanity in a technologically advanced future. Because the story LOONA tells us doesn’t explore the possibilities of a technologically ridden future or focuses on our relationship with these advancements, it cannot be called ScyFi.

TLDR:

The Loonaverse is the world and story that LOONA inhabits. It borrows form real life science and fantasy elements to better tell its story. It exists in a universe where the laws of physics differ from ours and where there is a set time loop in the form of a Mobius Strip, which the girls are trying to escape.

REMEMBER: This is all my interpretation of some very complex theories, theories I am unabashedly morphing to my will to fit a certain narrative (like scyfi and fantasy often do). Also, I didn’t come up with the idea of escaping the time loop, it’s kinda the oldest theory out there. It may even be confirmed by BlockBerry Creative. I am just explaining it the way it makes sense to me.

 Next: How does all this science help explain the narrative conflict of the characters in the Loonaverse?

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

Rewatching Sanders Sides...again because...yes. But I got to the first SvS, Selfishness vs. Selflessness the courtroom episode. And with new context and (unfortunately because I live in the U.S.) seeing more debates lately I noticed something interesting when Virgil is called as a witness. Here’s a transcript so you know what specifically I'm talking about:

"Is it true that you once said that: 'Weddings are outdated overly expensive pageantry.'?" Janus

"Yeah well I also once swore to Thomas that the drink he left in the other room for ten seconds was definitely poisoned and if he drank it he would die. I'm not exactly a beacon of truth." Virgil

"So you've changed your mind then." Janus

"Next question." Virgil

"Very well. As Thomas' anxiety do you have any relevant information about his norepinephrine levels in regards to these two conflicting commitments?" Janus

"I think it's ridiculous that anyone is entertaining any of this. Guys he's a liar! You literally know him as Deceit!" Virgil

"Glass houses Virgil. You yourself said that you are not a beacon of truth." Janus

"Yeah because I'm wrong a lot." Virgil

"Oh! So you've never been reluctant to share anything with the group then?" Janus

"Don't." Virgil

"What? I just meant your name." Janus

"Don't!" Virgil

"Maybe that's why it's so easy for you to recognize me for what I am. Like I said before: it takes a liar to know a liar." Janus

Now whenever this came out I was not a part of the fandom. I came in very shortly before the first Asides was released. So binge watching the first time I wasn’t sure what this meant and then after watching DWIT I thought was referring to the fact that Virgil's a Dark side. Or used to be. And then I thought with a few others in the fandom that maybe he had lied about his name. And yes the former is probably true as it was foreshadowing while the latter is certainly less likely. But rewatching this it seems like neither of them were talking about the past. They were talking about right then and Janus was using past references to dig at Virgil further.

Deflection is a common debate tactic used when the debator in question doesn't know or doesn't want to answer a question. So look at the dialog and don't think about what Virgil did say, but rather what he didn't.

When faced with what he said in the past he didn't really say what his stance was. He just brought up another scenario and then when Janus tried to steer it back he moved on which Janus allowed. The next time when asked about Thomas' norepinephrine levels (blood pressure, basically asking him how much anxiety he was feeling over the conflicting interests) Virgil again deflects, bringing up Janus' reputation as the deceitful side and when being asked about being reluctant to share things with the group he just gets defensive and never ends up answering the question.

Not the most flattering picture but look at how dark Virgil's eyeshadow is. He's clearly worked up and anxious over this and could very easily say what his stance is on the issue, so why doesn’t he?

What did we learn previously about omitting information for you or someone else's benefit? That they are lies of omission in Can Lying Be Good?. Virgil is purposefully trying to stay neutral and/or against Janus because of his bias towards him. We don't really know his opinion on the matter even after Redux because he refuses to give Janus anything he can work with. But by bringing up these points that Virgil has been reluctant to share his name and possibly other info while Thomas is observing, he’s using a subtle manipulation tactic to plant a hint of a seed of doubt towards Virgil, which I'm wondering whether it was reinforced slightly when Virgil finally said he was a dark side, even if in the first Asides Thomas tried to make it clear they were okay.

By playing to Virgil's stubbornness and relying on the fact that he hated him, Janus was trying to rile him from the very beginning when he said "You never have anything useful to say anyway." to sway the case in his favor. By trying to get Thomas to see that he isn't the only side who has lied to him Janus was attempting to win Thomas over in that moment on doubt alone, however subtle or not he ended up being. Honestly this scene was very well done in its subtext and I'm happy I watched it again and caught onto it. Or maybe none of this meant anything and I'm just rambling, but it's still fun to think about.

I'm curious as to how this will play in the future as Virgil turns his back more and more on Patton especially after Patton seems like he's near fully accepted Janus, someone Virgil despises. As Thomas accepts Janus a bit more and defends him how much progress with Virgil will he end up backtracking? Like a one step forward two steps back kind of deal. Maybe even something we'll witness in the season finale.

I redid this because the previous post wouldn’t keep the pic in the place I put it. Tumblr stop!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

[greenninjagal-blog]

I really like your fic recs and I don’t really keep very up to date with the latest sanders sides stuff on ao3 so, favorite fics from the past week?

Oh uh... lets see today is 8/5/2020... and I’ll do my fav fics that have just been posted or updated this week: 

Swept Away - Part Three of my favorite Sirens au, where Logan gets swept up in a storm and wonders if anyone will miss him (they will).

The Variables -  Logan bought a house in the middle of nowhere so he could avoid having to ever talk to anyone else ever again. The ghosts have other plans.

You Can Picani Family You Want - Emile fosters two kids and quickly learns he’ll do anything to see them smile.

Atypical Destiny - LAMP soulmates are determined to make their polyamory work, even if no one else thinks it will.

‘Cause Every Time We Touch, I Get This Feeling - Touch starved Janus falls for touchy-feely Patton.

Rays on My Skin - Virgil is six when he discovers that he has multiple soulmates and absolutely none of them speak his language. Oh and also three of them don’t know he exists.

If You Give a Side a Lion - Remus and Roman have some things to work out, but first it looks like theyre gonna have to save the universe, along with three other guys, an alien prince, and his assistant. A Voltron AU that I didn’t know I needed.

The Story of Emile the Seer - Emile is unfortunately born with the ability to see the future. Theres a lot of awful things people would do about that.

Alleyway - Logan finds a baby in a dumpster in an alley and decides to keep it.

Slower Than Words - Virgil can’t see. Patton can’t hear. But theyre stuck in a cell together while people conduct unethical experimentation on them, so maybe they can learn to communicate?

Old Scars, Future Hearts - Virgil has a problem asking for help when he’s overwhelmed, but this time? This time the others are already angry at him. And they wont want to help him if they’re angry at him, right?

the shapes in the silence - Virgil turns into a cat-sized Dragon when he gets overwhelmed which only becomes a problem when Patton finds him hiding in the pantry and thinks he’s a figment from imagination and not another side. And if the Light sides like him so much as a dragon....well maybe he should stay that way.

breathing and other rhythms that used to be easy - A Nightmare brings Virgil back to the dark side of the mindscape, just to check, just to make sure, just to see that Deceit and Remus are still breathing and thats it. In and out. They won’t even know he was there.

Road Trips and Missing Persons - Patton goes out for groceries and doesn’t come back home because he gets kidnapped by a child with a knife. Virgil is on the run from his crazy mother after she killed his father. Janus will do anything to get to his brother before his mother does. Remy isn’t actually dead. And Logan will strangle his entire family for not answering their phones.

Bounty - A sequel to Abduction in the Space Family series: Space, aliens and Virgil is a human in the middle of it all. Excellent series, 20/10 and I will cry about it. thanks.

The Curse of Hanahaki - In which Remus plays himself by cursing Imagination so that anyone who falls in love will cough up flowers. Aka Hanahaki but with a tangible plot.

fall out of in love with me - Deceit asks Remus to make him a potion to dilute his intense feelings for Virgil before they crush him at the absolute worst possible time for Virgil.

A Wager. - Virgil meets professional gambler and they mage a wager they both come out winning in.

i’ll sink for you - Deceit can hypnotize anyone, but Virgil is all to willing to be his plaything. 

Save the Moment - Patton takes pictures of everything. Janus notices more than he should.

Lavender - Patton can’t handle the sound of Logan and Roman’s argument, but thankfully Janus steps up to the plate. 

Mind Over Matter - Being a human in Space is just asking for trouble. Being forced to fight in fighting ring just makes Virgil another sad statistic. However, choosing not to fight his clearly harmless opponent....that makes him different.

The Apartment - Virgil moves into his first apartment and becomes best friends with the elderly man who lives next door and tells fond stories of his numerous grandkids that can never seem to make time for him. Virgil is unaware this is how to get himself adopted into a new family.

sweet tea in the summer - Roman and Patton are the sweetest of lovers through the years.

How two exasperated doctors adopted three robots - Rival Scientists Janus and Logan both have the great idea to see what their company is hiding on the same night. They were not prepared for the answer, but they can definitely get used to it. (Bickering Loceit? uh hell yeah.)

Breathe Out - Virgil will become minion for one chance to get out of the closet, thanks. aka: The other darksides are terrible, and Janus thinks that he and Virgil might be able to work well together, and somehow that puts Virgil on track becoming a Light side whether he wants to or not. (And I gush because everything this author writes is amazing)

The Debate - Part of The Other Side of the Mirror au, where Janus, Remus, and Virgil are Thomas’s core sides and big bad scary Logan shows up to ruin everything. Except that he’s actually helping and Janus might have to reconsider if the other sides are actually as bad as he’s made them out to be. 

And It Fell Away - Patton and Virgil are part of the Earth Kingdom army. Janus is part of the Fire Kingdom infantry. It seems that the only thing they all have in common are their need to escape the current battle and then the war itself, if just to save their own lives.

Come Alive - Patton tries to end it all but not-so-friendly vampire Janus stops him. Now there’s just an agreement: Patton spends one year as a vampire in the underworld city for the supernatural, and if they decide living still isn’t worth it they can take a stake to themselves, but...Janus is willing to bet they can find at least one person whos worth it. Ft: everyone falls in love with Patton at first sight, as it should be.

by the book - Librarian Virgil runs the adult section of the library, but his most interesting visitor is the tiny child who talks too fast and has really super attractive dads.

Pen Pal - Logan’s roommates all get together and Logan doesn’t think he has a place there with them, so he withdraws and turns to his pen pal for company.

Wedding Crashers -  While standing at the alter for his arranged marriage to a princess he will never love, Logan doesn’t think his really lovers are coming for him. He’s pleasantly surprised.

You Haunt Me And I Like It - Ghost Virgil has had a lot of roommates before without ever needing to show himself, but this one is just too skeptical for him to leave alone.

Wow that is a lot more than I thought I had! 

Looking for more fics? I’m got more lists here on my Fic Rec Masterlist!

[choco-mark]

if you’re still open for the reactions and mtls, could you do ‘what they would get/do for you for your 1st anniversary’ please? i was debating whether or not to send in a second post but i ended up convincing myself to do it anyways bc i know writers block is just so annoying and if this is a way to help you out then i’ll gladly do so 💛

this is definitely a way to help my writer’s block so go ahead!!

mark

remembers it’s y’all’s anniversary the day before because jaemin jokingly said something along the lines of ‘you guys have been dating for too long’

kind of internally freaks because he has absolutely no clue what to do, and doesn’t know if you want to do fancy or casual like he’s going full mental breakdown

ends up taking to you to a local carnival because last minute plans, but y’all both love the energy so it was fun and a way for y’all to spend time together

had no clue what to get you and also didn’t have the time to get anything for you, so he ended up giving you one of his sweatshirts for long term (not like you steal them anyway or anything) but you didn’t really care because he was a gift himself :((

wins you one of those huge plushy stuffed animals from a water gun game and feels like a whole boss

has another mental breakdown when he sees you jumping up and down with that stuffed toy and cannot process that you are actually his girlfriend of an official year :(

tells you he loves you on the top of the ferris wheel while the fireworks are going off like ‘boom, i love you y/n, happy anniversary’ and then gets all shy because he usually doesn’t say things like that

y’all have a fun night after that ;)

renjun

was away on tour during y’alls first anniversary and feels like absolute shit because he wants to be with you so he flies over, yeah, fans are a lil confused but you were first priority

what was ten times worse was that you were sick and you didn’t tell him so there was like a mini argument that eventually ended up with him cuddling you for like three hours

you guys don’t even go anywhere, it’s just a cozy day at the (empty) dorm and y’all just made a lil meal together and it was just the two of you

took his time to make a polaroid collection of just you, there’re just a buncha candid pictures of you that you don’t really remember him taking at...all but there’s a little message at the end that puts all of junnie’s feelings into words and it’s just :( 

has to fly back literally the next morning but he blows your mind that night hehe ;)

jeno

was a nervous pup for about a week prior to the anniversary date because he was just afraid nothing would go right :(

planned a whole picnic and even got renjun to cook for the two of you (also because he didn’t want to end up blowing up the dorm), and stresses over what he’s gonna wear like ‘will y/n like this??’ ‘nah, i look like shit’ and couldn’t sleep the night before because of it

but when he sees you all smiley when y’all walk down the street to the little field he had set up just for you, that’s when he finally relaxes and falls in love with you all over again

filled a jar full of candies and paper hearts that he cut out himself and has you go through them and read through the little messages he has on them, and then gets all shy from the way you find it really cute

makes love to you for the entire night and it’s just such soft sex because he’s so in love with you omg :(

donghyuck

went insane almost a week before trying to find you the perfect gift but feels like you wouldn’t like his gift and kinda gets frustrated

you guys already live together, so it’s not a surprise when you come home and see him laying draped across the bed with rose petals all over the floor and himself, while he’s just watching you get all shocked

you thought he was gonna propose to you from the way he was looking at you, but gives you a promise ring with his initials engraved in them and you cry because omg that’s :( even i’m upset while writing this, it’s just so pretty and the way he looks at you and promises to marry you in the future :(((

he didn’t really have a plan to do anything because he knows how tired you already are from your day and runs a bath for the two of you

yeah you guys end up fucking after that, but it’s slower than usual and he takes his time to make sure you’re properly pleasured ;)

jaemin

you already know jaem’s is a romantic lil shit, so he shows up at your house wearing the hottest suit you had ever seen on him, like ever, and is like, ‘get ready baby, we’ve got a long night ahead of us’

you guys end up missing your dinner reservation because he offers to help you get ready but he just ends up eating you out on the couch and doesn’t regret shit because he needed that

he takes you there anyway (and has to pay extra for his horny ass) and y’all are fine dining outside with the moonlight as your view, and there’s a nice lil river flowing underneath the bridge y’all on, yes he paid money for this, rich nana am i right?!

gives you a 24k gold necklace as a gift and you are about to explode from the way he’s fastening that shit around your neck when it’s literally worth more than you and you feel like a broke bitch for your gift to him

kisses on your way home :( and him just whispering to you every three seconds that he loves you, holding your hand, running his hand through your hair :(

and he eats you out for like two hours after that since the meal wasn’t enough ;)

chenle

cannot process that it’s been a year since the two of you started dating and isn’t sure if he should buy you a phone or a house, but opts out of both when renjun tells him not to objectify the gift too much 

thinks about what to get you for so long and even searches up ideas (it’s his first anniversary ever, okay?!), and then thinks about your and his relationship deeply and then BOOM he knows exactly what to do

has mark help him write you a song, though he does most of the writing reminiscing on the whole year you guys had together and mark is shedding fake tears of ‘my son grew up’

you spend the night with him the day before and you wake up to him singing for you while watching you with the most love-struck eyes, and plays the whole song he wrote for you off his phone, while you’re like, bawling your eyes out from the way he sang your name

you guys don’t actually do anything except cuddle in his bed for hours after that, just softly talking to each other and stealing little kisses every now and then

jisung

has gone into cardiac arrest too many times for it to happen again, so he’s definitely not letting it happen on y’all’s anniversary!! right?! that’s right, confident jisungie in the house now!

thought about what he wanted to get you for so long, but his surprise is kind of ruined when he accidentally leaves it out when you’re over one day, and gets a lil flustered and upset but you didn’t see that much!!

bought you a huge hoodie, since you’re constantly wearing ones that are way too big for you or his own, but decided to go all artist jisung™ and stitches his name like in really baby font on the front :( and it comes out a lot better than he expected

overthinks it on the actual day and wonders if you think it’d be weird that he wrote his...name on your clothes, decides that it is weird, goes to discard of it but turns around and sits down because he had nothing else anyway

you love it anyway :( and you give him the phattest kiss after you put it on and yeah, his heart stopped beating for a lil watching you smile and giggle and all

his heart is doing flips everywhere in his body watching you and kinda just hugs you thigh like you’re his world (you are), and doesn’t let go of you until you give him another very requested kiss 

[billionairebabes]

Quarantine Update - Extensive Post

Hey babes!

Like many, I have a lot more time at home which means I’ve been able to spend more time thinking about what I want for my future and now. It’s been a great time to identify my strengths and weaknesses as well. Utilize my strong suits and strengthen my weak ones. Here’s what I’ve realized and have been doing in quarantine. 

I’m a Leo as some of you know from my bio but for the astrology girls out there I’m going to mention that I am a Virgo Moon and Rising. I strive on structure and schedules. I make plans for everything. There are probably more than 50 sticky notes in my room currently and growing. I’m THAT type of girl. Now that most of us are home most of the time, we don’t have the same structure and schedule as we did when life was normal. I’m not the type of person who can plan out every hour of my day but I do have a list of things I strive to complete for every day of the week. There is a whole list of things that I do every day that I won’t mention here because they’ve become habit now. The List below are tasks I have to be intentional about.  It looks like this: Mondays: Manifestation & Journaling + Setting Intentions for the Week Monday & Wednesdays: Guided Workouts (YouTube) Admittedly, having a hard time integrating this into my routine. & Face Exfoliating + Teeth Whitening Wednesdays: Do work and research for business idea Tuesday & Thursday: HTML + SQL practice on Codecademy Friday: I use Fridays to feel human. I get dressed and do my makeup to keep my skills sharp. Still perfecting getting my lash strips on. I’ve tried lash extensions but the application process was unbearable to me. Just tears and headaches lol Saturday & Sunday: Spiritual Reset & Journaling: Days to practice being still. Intention setting meditation and stuff. Little more reading on the law of attraction, the law of vibration, scripting etc. I do my full body exfoliation on the weekend too. Honestly, just once a week works for me. I alternate between a ginger scrub I got from The Body Shop and a dry brush. Lastly, I clean my apartment on either one of these days. I tidy up nightly during the week but weekends are when I do the more intense cleaning like swiffering and the stove. 

Finally getting serious about getting my MBA! I’ve always wanted my MBA but now that I have a clear business plan and idea, it’s now even more important to me. It’s also important to me that I go to one of the top programs in the country. I graduated in December from undergrad but my GPA was okay. I have to be very intentional about preparing for the GMAT as my score there will likely have to compensate for my GPA. Going to a top business school for me isn’t just about the academics but more so about the connections. I saw a post about Megan Markle a few weeks ago that inspired me to strive for academic success on that level. I’m debating between Business Administration and Supply Chain Management. I guess the cool thing about wanting an MBA is that most top programs require that I have 2 years of work experience so I have time to figure this out. 

I’m looking to completely overhaul my wardrobe. I kind of refuse to buy anything right now because I really don’t know what season it’ll be when we’re actually let out of quarantine BUT I’m still online window shopping. Pinning away on my Pinterest board. My goal is to look put together regardless of what I’m doing. Like a t-shirt and leggings should make me look like that girl with a few basic accessories that I’ll likely wear every day. I’ve also always had dark hair, 1B - Jet Black Weave. This year, I want to experiment with a brown highlighted look like pictured below (couldn’t get it inserted directly under this paragraph for whatever reason) 

IM MOVING TO MIAMI!! Jk, well at least not yet. I’m just practicing how I’m going to say it when my move becomes official. I’ve been to Miami more than a few times and honestly, I just love the city. There’s a different type of zen and happiness I feel when I’m there. I love beach life and city life. I’ve been watching Miami vlogs nonstop. I’m going to begin my scripting soon. I recently contacted an old SDBF who’s in real estate for advice on whether to try to buy or rent. I already feel the excitement of moving there and feeling is the key to manifesting. Today, I will be making a “moving to Miami” mood board. I may share that with you guys. I’ve even started collecting inspiration photos for my Miami condo/apartment. I use Canva to put together little inspo pics. I’ve never moved and lived in a new city on my own before so even the challenge of this move excites me. I know for certain that it’ll make it step out of my comfort zone and with that comes insane growth. Life is too short to live in fear so I won’t. There are some things I definitely want to have in order before I move though and I may expand on that in a different post but yeah my mind is made up. I’m going. Plus sugaring in Miami is >>>>>>. If any girls live down there and have any advice, I would love love love to hear your thoughts. 

 I want to be intentional about putting myself out there. I tend to lean more reserved and lowkey but for the next level in my life, I’ve realized I’m going to have to lean out of that a little more. I did some real soul searching to figure out why I am the way I am. Won’t share that here but I know the extra effort will be worth it. I’ll be starting small by actually posting pictures on to my Instagram. I get so critical and nit-picky that I inevitably post nothing at all. I’ll work my way up to actual content creation one day. I went to Bangkok, Shanghai, Phuket, and Paris all within a 2 months span and didn’t post a single picture from any trip.  We’re still less than halfway through 2020, I’m ready to grab the second half or last quarter by the balls lol. 

Really I do mood boards for everything. They keep me inspired and in the vibration of the goal I want to achieve. When I’m really in the moment I’ll write a coinciding script. Like with my business idea mood board I will be writing about what a day in my life as a CEO looks like. What I’ll wake up and wear. What my mornings look like, what I eat, how I feel etc. Scripting is honestly so powerful and I recommend it to all you babes. 

Conclusively, this is what quarantine life looks like for me. I’ve also been cooking so much more and trying my hand at new recipes. A few days ago I made sausage, egg, and cheese pockets with some pastry dough I made. Some days are better than others but I do the work to keep myself in a positive mindset. I’m alone and don’t want to spiral. I’m home all day now and would love to chat up about you guy’s goals and quarantivities. 

XXX, 

BBC