#but youd probably still have to 'contribute'

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Wrote my one-page summary of academic achievements etc. for the reference request my temp supervisor asked for.

In writing these cover letters or the like I am always dumbfounded by how little it accommodates for trauma or independent study. I have an unni (older female Korean friend) who, because of her C-PTSD, is unable to continue studying despite greatly wanting to, and has trouble managing to continue her life just in day-to-day life. I find it so hard to 'sell' myself when there are huge gaps of years in my life where I have been able to do little more than struggle through what I don't know how to 'market' or 'package/present as a strength' in these academic or professional arenas. When you ask for my life experience so you can write me a reference, what do I write? 'Survived multiple sexual assaults and rapes'? 'Daily attempt to overcome my PTSD as a result of a near-deportation experience'? Do people understand how much or how many years these things can debilitate you?

Like I know plenty of people walk around with these things having happened to them and still somehow function while going to school and whatnot, but I couldn't, and still have trouble doing so. I remember being coaxed to go back to school by my ex-best friend in secondary school after all of that had happened in my teenage years, but I just couldn't. How do I explain the black hole fog that has consumed me for so many years while trying to sell myself as a functioning, profitable member of society?

Some of us die after things like these happen. I don't know how to say my greatest achievement is still being here in this sort of academic context, or that of my life experiences these are huge and heavy but I got through them and these are what have shaped and continue to shape me, and are the lion's share of what has taken up my life. If I add them up the number of years that these have taken up number at least half a decade (literally just counting one event/per year).

And I did work some, just very early on - Benjamin Button'ed the whole thing. Worked at 15 (does that count as child labour lmao), worked till I was 17/18. I haven't done volunteer work or busted my ass getting a sparkling CV because for most of that time I have just been trying to survive (mostly done while and through reading/studying, to make sense of it, etc.). 14 - dropped out of school bc of what happened at 13 (first sexual assault). 15 - second sexual assault. Still went to intern at an international magazine press. 16 - third sexual assault. Started working as a shop assistant. Still finished my iGCSEs. 17 - sexual harassment at work while at a bar/bistro, went on to do waitressing elsewhere instead. 18 - went to Norway to study and did that full-time for 2 years. (Wanted to work but couldn't find a job since I didn't speak Norwegian fluently enough. Had to be counselled about this, actually.) Graduated at 20. Went on gap year at 21 while actually also doing Open Uni - then had that near-deportation experience. Immediately went into researching unis anyway at 22, only that because of uni start times and visas I didn't start till I was 23. Learned Polish by myself in that time. Studied full-time without a job because if I can focus on just that, why not? And I graduated anyway, having finished my coursework early in 2.5 years but the graduation ceremony was after summer hols. Started this degree at 26. Will finish this year after 1.5 years, only extended beyond the one year because of their fuck-up (which they acknowledged!) in a unit my first term. The only pauses I've had between studying were because of start times. And if we didn't have to work, would we? Is it not alright to spend the time trying to make some sense of grief, or to study on your own? If someone said to me their greatest achievements included recovering from PTSD once after the things that happened to me in my adolescence that would be the most important thing I would note.

So much of my life and what I've really done and profited from have not been done watched by anyone or institutions. All the years I spent reading and studying by myself on things that I rarely find place to talk about. If I add up the years I've done plenty in studying - I just never got a degree for any of it.

It's not like I've done nothing. I just haven't done it societally-conventionally. I don't want to have be 'forgiven' for not making myself work when I didn't and don't have the bandwidth for it. Isn't it called studying full-time? Why am I supposed to also work on the side? Why can I not study by myself in that time on the side (which is what I have been doing)? Why do I feel ashamed or this need to explain myself? Fuck.

[your-resident-boat-person]

A BOAT PERSON YEEEEEES BOATS BOATS BOATS BOATS BOATS DO YOU HAVE A REASON FOR LOVING THEM? YOU HAVE A LIST OF FAVS AND THEY ARE GREAT ARE THERE ANY YOUD RECOMMEND PEOPLE LEARN ABOUT OR THAT YOU WANT TO INFODUMP ON SPECIFICALLY SORRY FOR THE CAPS I AM VERY VERY EXCITED

Okay, so, if I had to give a reason for liking ocean liners, the answer is probably that I'm a mega-autist. However, it started in the 5th grade. Like everyone else, Titanic was my gateway drug. That eventually expanded into other ocean liners.

If I had to recommend one to learn more about, it would easily be the SS America.

She had a long and storied 55-year-long career. I highly recommend the documentary by Oceanliner Designs on YouTube. However, I will give an abridged version of her story beneath the cut. It's a thrilling story, so if you're interested, don't read this; go watch his video. Its better:

Designed by the famous naval architect William Francis Gibbs, she was launched on August 31st, 1939. The day before World War II began. She was actually part of FDRs new deal program, meant to help the United States recover from the great depression. Her construction employed thousands of people, and nearly every state contributed to her in some way. She was built to a 3 compartment standard, meaning with 3 of her 14 watertight compartments flooded, shed stay afloat. This is actually better than most modern cruise ships, I might add. She was completed on April 16th, 1940, but given all the U-Boats everywhere, she couldn't exactly serve as a transatlantic liner. So the maiden voyage of this ocean liner was actually a Mediterranean cruise. United States Lines actually painted two giant American flags on each side of her hull, with the text “AMERICA UNITED STATES LINES” in big, bold letters, just in case they somehow did encounter a U-Boat.

America was a neutral country at the time, so that kind of thing was important to advertise. Eventually, the US got pulled into the war, and the SS America was requisitioned as a troopship and renamed the USS West Point. I don't know if this is confirmed, but I suspect that it's because if she were lost in the war, announcing that a ship bearing the name of our country had been lost to enemy action would be a huge blow to morale. When her running mate, the SS United States, was constructed, the US government tried to pressure William Francis Gibbs into giving her a different name for this exact reason. It didn't work. I love him. Anyway, here's a picture of her during her service.

The SS America carries the honor of being one of the few ships to never have a single death occur on board during the war. She might have actually been the only one. Anyway, in 1946, she was returned to United States Lines and renamed back to SS America. This time, when they repainted her back to her civilian colors, they ditched the name and flags on the sides of her hull. (Thank god.) Her career with USL was successful, if uneventful. In 1952, the SS United States was introduced. The Big U was about 267 feet longer, twice the size, and twice the speed. Given that the SS United States is still, to this day, the fastest passenger ship of all time, America had a little bit of trouble keeping up. America's passenger numbers fell after this, but she still had many loyal passengers who preferred her. The SS United States’ interior design was a tad lackluster compared to the SS America.

With rising operating costs and competition from air travel, she was deemed an unnecessary part of the USL fleet. In 1964, they put America up for sale. She was bought by Chandrice Line, which serviced the postwar emigrant run from Europe to Australia and New Zealand.

America was renamed Australis and served them until 1977, when, faced with ever-increasing fuel costs, could no longer compete with air travel. She is remembered to this day by many of the emigrants as being a very happy ship, but Chandrice didn't exactly maintain her very well. On one voyage, part of her hull opened up, and a compartment partially flooded. The crew was unable to fix it, and for the rest of the 3 week voyage, she had an awful list over to one side.

Now comes the most shameful part of her career. In 1978, she was bought by Venture Cruise Lines for 5 million dollars. Seeking to capitalize on nostalgia, they offered 5 day cruises to nowhere. To prepare her for this new role, they repainted her in what was definitely her second-ugliest configuration, and they gave her her old name back.

And then they kinda… stopped. They made no effort to modernize her (a ship constructed in the 1930s), and her interiors were, for lack of a better word, a dump. The swimming pool was full of garbage bags, toilets were overflowing, and there were rats and bugs everywhere. It was a nightmare. Truly, a predecessor to the poop cruise from hell. The passengers on her first cruise actually mutinied, and the ship barely made it past the Statue of Liberty before the captain turned her around. The health inspection board was called in, and they examined the ship. They gave her a score of 6.

Out of a possible 100.

Venture went bust, and America was put up for sale again.

Shockingly, the ones who bought her were Chandrice Line again, for 1 million dollars. Meaning they profited 4 million dollars while also getting their ship back in the process. She was renamed AGAIN to Italis, and her forward funnel was so corroded that it had to be cut off, giving her an extremely ugly and unbalanced profile. Even to the lay person, most can tell at this point that she looked very sad.

Her final years with Chandrice were short and uneventful, only lasting 2 years. Chandrice wanted to completely modernize her and have her serve as a modern cruise ship, but this never happened. She then bounced around from owner to owner. First, she was the Noga, intended to become a prison ship. Then she was the Alferdoss, but only the port bow was the Alferdoss, because they only put the name on one side of the hull. So the starboard bow and the stern were still the Noga. She was nearly sold for scrap, but after they scrapped the lifeboats, they defaulted on their payment and pulled out. Then, she was bought by a Thai investment firm, which intended to completely restore her and convert her into a 5-star hotel, much like the Queen Mary had in the 1970s. After a short period of drydocking, it was found that, despite the neglect, her hull was in remarkably good condition. The trip from New Zealand to Phuket, Thailand, was a long and dangerous one. Approximately 100 days. A Ukrainian tug won the contract, and in 1994, they set off…

only to immediately turn around due to the weather. They tried again, and again the weather turned against them. The tow line snapped, and they sent crew aboard to try to reattach it, but it was no use. They were airlifted off by helicopter, and the SS America, now named SS American Star, was set adrift. There was no one aboard, and the ship had no power. Seemingly tired of the years of neglect and mistreatment, the SS America decided to go out on her own terms. She went aground at Playa de Garcey, off the west coast of Fuerteventura in the Canary Islands. Within 48 hours, the pounding waves broke her in two.

She was declared a total loss and promptly abandoned. The waves quickly ate through the stern, causing it to deteriorate very quickly. The bow, however, remained standing, up until about 2008, when it began collapsing into the sea.

It's difficult to imagine that at one point, this was the grand old lady of the seas.

By 2013, nothing of her was left standing above the surface.

Along with her eye-achingly beautiful appearance, she had an extremely long and storied career. So that's why she's my favorite liner of all time. Most liners only last 25 to 35 years. Hell, the SS United States was only in service for 17 years. The SS America had a 55-year-long career. 74 if you count the time she spent wrecked, as she frequently got visitors. She was a truly outstanding ship, and I'm devastated that she couldn't be preserved. If it's any consolation, Phuket was struck by a major typhoon in 2004, so America was probably doomed regardless. If I could pick one liner from history to undo the fate of and magically preserve, it would EASILY be her.

[caffinatedcastiel]

explodes you

i read your fic (very interesting so far) and you said youd like to talk turtles ‼️ whats your interp of bad future donnie?

Is explodes

Hello there, my first turtle caller. I’m very happy to answer your question (with some information omitted to avoid spoilers for my Leader Future Donnie fic)

Im going to mostly focus on Donnie’s role as leader here- since that is probably where my interp of future Donnie differs from most fanon, but I can go into his interpersonal relationships and other details at another time too if that is of interest.

I like the concept of Donnie taking the lead at the start of the invasion due to Raph and Leo’s conflict that we see at the start of the Rise movie. Raph has learned from the end of the series that their way of life is not just dangerous, but is life-threatening. He’s seen this through Splinter’s memories and the death of Karai. So post-series and pre-movie, he wants to impart that onto Leo so he doesn’t have to learn it the hard way by losing people. Leo sees this as a lack of trust in his abilities and a criticism of his leadership, and gets defensive as a result. They both want to see their family succeed and thrive, but ultimately get in their own way while doing so. They are teenagers, they get insecure about their place. It unfortunately happens to play into a larger conflict they had no knowledge of.

This conflict and strife is what brings the team to fail circa the start of the first Krang invasion. Leo and Raph’s fears both come to light when they lose and resentment has the opportunity to boil over and poison the team’s dynamic. As such- neither are in the right mental or emotional headspace to lead effectively.

Enter Donnie. Donnie already has had a few lessons in leadership without actually taking on the position in the past. We can see this in a few circumstances.

In Donnie’s gifts and Mind Meld, Donnie is doing what he thinks will be best for the team. He gives his brothers technological aid (just as he has given himself with his battle shell) and enhances their mental performance (in a way that is exactly like him, focusing on intellect rather than other points of knowledge). And it doesn’t work because his brothers are not Donnie. He is the brother that probably understands best that trying to get people to do things the way he would, rather than they would, is not the way to lead.

These circumstances also help to expose Donnie to failure. Of the turtles, Donnie has had the ability to fail and recover quite often (Lair Games anyone?). To fail is to be a scientist. It doesn’t paralyze his decision making process as badly as it might with his brothers. He just pivots to find the next thing that could work. (and some things he’s just bad at, but he does anyway!)

Additionally, I headcanon that Donnie is the turtle that came to terms with his and his family’s mortality first out of the brothers. The creation of his battle shell is especially telling here, but a majority of his tech also reflects this. The Turtle Tank having defensive and offensive capabilities, Donnie’s gifts, the Donnie pods… Donnie knows that at any point, something can come around that can hurt his brothers and take them out of his life. So- he chooses to focus on evening the odds rather than despair over the possibility.

I also headcanon this as to why Donnie is less in tune with his mystics at first. Hamato Ninpo is triggered by the desire to protect the family. Donnie’s always been able to protect his family with his tech. It’s only when that fails that he needs to look inward for other options. (Example- Raph unlocks his mystics when he jumps after Leo from Big Mama’s roof. Donnie didn’t need to. He had his tech to protect and catch Mikey). And it still manifests in the way he has protected his family in the past- through manifestations of things he can build.

While this has led him at times to feel that his tech is his best and only contribution to his family, he has also had opportunities to accept that isn’t true. This is especially evident during his time in Witch Town. He failed, seemed discouraged and hopeless about who he is and what he is able to do- but April pulled him out of that. It is just really unlucky that Leo didn’t have that chance as leader. His first major obstacle just happened to be near unbeatable.

End-all-be-all: Donnie understands he can’t do everything himself. He understands that he needs other people to succeed and people have areas of knowledge that he may not understand that will push them to their goal of survival. He’s grown out of his pride to an extent and is able to see how to make up for his weaknesses with other people’s strengths (though his ego still can surface, he is still a kid after all).

These experiences and details all combine into how I see Future Donnie operating. He makes sure people are put into positions where they can thrive and in positions where they can fail safely. He doesn’t want people to get discouraged at their odds, so a structured environment that is built for learning and growth is his focus for regular, non-leadership positions in the resistance. He’s seen how pressure has impacted the people in his family (including himself) and doesn’t want the life threatening and dangerous world they now inhabit to lead to an implosion of panic and hopelessness through any level of his ranks. He knows firsthand that is the best way to lose.

He also employs this logic with his inner circle. Mikey is a particular asset when considering the well-being of people during their day-to-day operations. April’s extensive experience from her many different jobs makes her personable and versatile in assigning positions. Raph and Casey aid in training staff and soldiers and Leo focuses on scouting and recon. (Donnie also makes sure people have a rotation through positions they are good at, positions they like, and positions that they need multiple people to learn. He doesn’t want anyone to feel like they are “just the science guy” or anything of the sort. He feels that the focus on roles in his family did ultimately lead to the divide that got them in this mess).

I like to think that if the Krang were any less unbeatable and Donnie and his family actually had time to prepare in the way they did with the Shredder- Donnie’s leadership would be successful. He got an impossible hand, but also does help queue up their actual success in the movie.

This turned really long- and I apologize if it isn’t exactly the answer you were looking for. But I absolutely love the purple turtle and could keep going on and on if I don’t force myself to stop here. Thanks again for the question ❤️

@docaid

[ispyspookymansion]

it can be anything (including video/audio, which would be printed as stills and excerpts with a qr code to the full piece on the digital version) on any topic related to your queerness, gender, pride, etc. happy or sad or angry or anything else shy of porn accepted. i would also accept submissions of historical lgbt writing and art you enjoy as long as its old enough not to be an issue w the artist or you have their permission! youd probably have a month or so to submit officially when all is said and done.

this is not an obligation im just checking interest :-) if youd like to check out the first edition, you can do so for free or a small donation here <3 ty, happy pride!

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

18 & 20 for the ask game. i need to hear how this hypothetical drama would unfold

you picked the GOODIES

18.) what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

this is a toughie is the thing. while im not one of those creators thats terrified of being offensive or problematic, i also dont pay that much attention to elements of work that might offend. im more interested in being genuine and trusting my message rather than relishing in having #problematique content.

that being said i think a lot of people would not like that sicely isnt a g*ld st*r lesbian or that lucerne doesnt use labels, bc twitter is really hung up on what characters "really" are or what stories "really" mean.

i think theyd also do that thing where theyd be like ugh look at these children currently in abusive situations why are they not acting 100% perfectly, the author clearly has no idea what theyre doing with portraying abuse, this is just torture porn and fetishizing ptsd/osddid. bc theres no way that the things that happen in CW could ever happen to people, bc abuse happens to other people and never in anything i might have to interact with.

20.) your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

This ones also a toughie actually bc a large part in why the hunger games movies contributed to showcasing what the original work condemned is because the media circus and bloodsports as vapid entertainment were directly being condemned in the original and #Media isnt really a huge part of carousel waltz. i think in order to really turn carousel waltz on its head youd have to be simultaneously very victim-blamey to the children but also prop up the adults as the ones who must "save them", bc children cant do anything on their own and cant be trusted to have legitimate grievances with the adults in their lives. flattening midas into either a villain who never cared about the people he abused or apologizing for him as a well-meaning patriarch who was just led astray and by proxy flattening the abuse into depictions more palatable to the wider consumer audience would do it i think.

but i dont know if it being a movie trilogy would necessarily cause those changes to occur-- movies are visual and sequential like comics but usually have to be 2 hours or less and are overwhelmingly held hostage at the whims of distributors, executive boards, investors, etc. so the influences it would have over carousel waltz would be along those lines. i think that with the time crunch it'd probably be really easy to make the story less subtle, and to have to hammer home points. certain characters necessarily would not have as much screentime and focus in a movie trilogy, which i think WOULD contribute to being an example of what im trying to condemn, and a movie might inadvertently say that some abused children are just collateral damage and we can move past them, some abused children dont have interiority or anything to draw attention to them, some abused children are more important or worth rescuing more. its also very important to me that most of the carousel waltz kids r not white, and that the grownups are, but casting would probably whitewash them or try to make the story colorblind instead of keeping in how midas' abuse takes advantage of his identity of whiteness over them. combine this w the idea that there needs to be adults to save these kids and u get a white savior araceli. if this concept makes you want to gnaw your leg off at the ankle to get the shackle off, that just means youre still human! try to hold onto that feeling.

since magical girl isnt a big genre in the west theyd try to reflavor it as some other thing like superheroes or a dnd party or something. or theyd want to age up the kids so the bad things happen to a more acceptable age group bc the idea that kids might have bad things happen to them is a scary thought so theyd completely miss the point abt it being a story abt child abuse and now its a buncha late teens-early 20s bullshit.

im actually debating how much swearing i want in carousel waltz (it was really hard writing guardians dilemma without zizi swearing) but executives would only let me have one fuck and would not let anthea call anyone a cocksucker :(

[silentspectres]

I would like to know about your disaster tiefling! Backstory, current romance, what drives them, anything youd be excited to share!

thank you for indulging me! I cannot express enough that I am like a vampire in that I have to be explicitly invited to do something, so I'm grateful

This is my disaster tiefling Mercury, they're a mephistopheles tiefling rogue (assassin specifically) and they're allergic to making wise decisions

I have a hard time grabbing good screenshots from my console sometimes so a few of these are Crunchy™ but I genuinely love the range of lighting the game has that makes them go from somewhat well-adjusted looking to mostly just glowing eyes. I'll put the rest about them under a read more!

Mercury usually sticks to decisions that will benefit themself or their friends above all else (and usually not through honest means), but they've been known to freely help children with no clear end gain. They had a great time around Mattis, the tiefling child, out-conning him. It's probably the closest to playful their group has come to seeing them be playful (save around Scratch/the Owlbear), since Mercury was using it as an opprotunity to teach the kid rogue techniques that would benefit him later from someone who's been at it for quite some time. It'd be cute if they weren't such an awful influence

Mercury's backstory is admittedly not something I've been able to work out past large overtones or some general character defining events, but they're a character that likes to keep their privacy and hold things that matter to them close, so I think it works out in the long run. They were fiery and loudly defiant against the world and its cruelty when they were younger, but as they grew older and realized that the only person they could rely on was themself, they grew more cunning, quiet, carefully composed, and discarded the intense emotions that once drove them. This change most likely came from being used + discarded by a disguised devil, and they have an extreme discomfort and distrust for devils or the Infernal as a result

I like to call Mercury a mirror - they're a reflection of the general harshness the city had on them (being a scrappy tiefling with nowhere to call home), but once they're surrounded by people who offer them kindness (Wyll/Karlach/Gale particularly being huge influences) they actually almost habitually return kindness + favors to the small group close to them. Their friends are one of the only noted exceptions, though; they still don't really do great in the empathy department otherwise

I could write several pages about Mercury's romance, BUT I'll try not to ramble too long (narrator voice: this was a lie). Mercury is romancing (spawn) Astarion + their dynamic drives me up the WALL. The two of them had a weird push and pull to their early relationship - Mercury was well familiar with the song and dance Astarion was performing when he targeted them and knew he certainly had ulterior motives, but they... truthfully, between the empty meaningless void that had become their existence and the inevitable certain death they would now be facing as a result of being tadpoled, and the fact that they could never remember a single moment in their life in which they were wanted (let alone desired by someone), they didn't care. So they let him use them and they played along as coyly as he did, fully aware that the more that they got involved with him or the others the higher the chance they might end up walking away caring. Which, unfortunately, happened.

A lot of factors contributed to changing Mercury's apathy toward the group and ultimately swayed the change to caring romantically about Astarion, almost none of which was even Astarion's doing himself. It started with Wyll, who was always kind and selfless without a second thought, who willingly chose to risk losing everything against Mizora because he'd rather stand by Karlach. And Karlach herself was easy to get along with - she cared deeply and loudly about those around her and wasted no time or consideration into treating Mercury with the same warmth as she did the others. Gale, maybe surprisingly, was the ultimate catalyst, though. He had formerly been a wizard Mercury kept at the same distance as everyone, one of the companions Mercury actually thought less often about despite traveling with him among the most, before they met Elminster along the roads to the Shadow Cursed lands. Mercury is hard to sway, but a goddess telling her most devoted follower that he only stands to make something meaningful of himself by killing himself ignited some long since extinguished anger in them - anger at the gods, anger at the world, anger at the shitty hands they and these people they're around were dealt - and Mercury drunk themself to sleep that night following the realization that fuck, this anger in place of apathy meant they cared. Astarion was next to show them a little vulnerability by letting them read his scars to him (and it drives me insane thinking about the level of trust he would've reasonably have had to have in them to turn his bare back to another rogue), revealing that he is only one part of an unknown whole, and that that unknown whole could very well be an Infernal pact. And so it goes - suddenly, Mercury was in over their head. Suddenly, they cared.

They both end up stumbling through figuring what a relationship (and even the full scope of what either of them truly want) means later, when they're both forced to face the fact whatever was between them is now real (and dangerous, Mercury reasons, because to admit they want to care and be alive means they have to invite back in all the hurt it could bring - hurt they're intimately familiar with - but they can't deny that what they have is nice.) Mercury is very much a deeply touch starved person, so they offer Astarion a lot of small, quiet moments of physical intimacy like leaning against him in camp, resting their hands on his, soft touches against his face to brush against his hair, stuff that, in general, he probably has no lasting memories of ever having. In turn, Astarion offers them a quiet sanctuary - a gentle reminder - that they have others they can lean on and rely on and that they don't have to bear their burdens alone. There's a lot of push and pull in this stage of their relationship, too, but it's less about a game they're performing and more about learning boundaries, limits, and the depths that they're both willing to admit to themselves about whatever it is they have.

By act 3, Mercury has no doubts about where Astarion stands to them, and truthfully I don't think Astarion does about Mercury either, but it's a bit harder for him to think about with certain looming disaster hanging over his head. Reasonably. He sort of lashes out the closer they get to dealing with the inevitable, not in the way he's harsh, but in the sort of defensive "I feel like a cornered animal so I'm reverting back to trying to pull the strings (new strings at that!) to use/manipulate you into doing what (I think) I want because I genuinely can't believe in a kinder future for myself" sort of way. Mercury by this point can see right through him and offers a constant, steady pressure by always pointing out "If you do this, you'll have to do a lot of difficult things, are you sure you're prepared to do that?" and by the point of the crypts, it's clear he'd be really fucked up by carrying through with it now that he's had to come face to face with both what he's done and what he stands to become by taking Cazador's power, especially after finding the scroll about the other vampire masters. So Mercury stands firm and becomes his reminder that things don't have to end in bloodshed, lashing out, and bared teeth - a lesson Mercury themself was taught by the kindness (a kindness they had always lacked) their companions (now friends) never gave up on. Their relationship is stronger for it and they're genuinely good influences on each other (somehow, Astarion has become some sembalance of the voice of reason and is a good 90% of the reason Mercury has stopped doing things with no regard to their own self preservation now) and they're both extremely well adjusted partners despite the so many issues both of them have. Who would've thought the local pair of murderers are an exceptionally sweet couple???

I have rambled for far too long and I have a thousand more things I could say about Mercury but I'll spare you because it is very early in the morning, but thank you for letting me speak a little about them!! I have a playlist and a pinterest for them if anyone is seriously further curious about them and my inbox is always open for more questions but I must sleep for now

[heartsick-honeybee]

a Jervis Tetch AU background story.

Oqueso beforehand: I am a RPer.. I am not a writer and I am not good at writing outside of RP, so I am sorry if this isn't great or seems rushed or rambly.

It's because it probably is.

I just had an idea for an AU Jervis background story and went and wrote it. SO yeah

Basically a really long Jervis Tetch background trauma dump. Sorry about that.

ANYWAY...

Story.

Their life had been nearly perfect.

Henry Tetch and Winifred Beauden were both from privileged families.

Both of their families had made a significant contribution to Allied victory in the Second World War.

The Tetch family was well known for their involvement in high-level military intelligence, while the Beauden's family was renowned for their groundbreaking work in medical science. Both said to have saved hundreds of thousands of lives.

As a result, both were very prominant families.

After the war, fate had it that the two families (who had never previously been acquainted.) had found their respective home of their dreams each in the same beautiful English countryside. They became neighbors.

The wives of each of the families, Victoria Tetch and MaryAnne Beauden became fast friends, and eventually even became pregnant with their first children same time.

Henry and Winifred had been close ever since they were born.

Now, it was important to know that these two women, despite being the closest of friends, were two very different women.

Victoria, of course, being the proud wife of such an important militant officer, was a very old fashioned sort of woman. She kept things clean and organized. She felt a woman's place was to manage the househome duties and to support her husband. She wore high collared modest clothing, and her hair always pulled up in a tight bun, which MaryAnne always told her made her prominant overbite stand out far more than was necessary.

She was a no-nonsense type of woman, though she had her weakness-- particularly for gossip.

MaryAnne on the other hand was the entirely opposite sort of woman.

While her husband was still the more prominant doctor, she herself was a nurse.

Victoria often reprimended her for this. "It is at least a woman's job, but now that you're having a child, don't you think you should stop this "working" thing and spend your time in the home?" she would often tell her.

She would only lightheartedly laugh this off.

MaryAnne was a modern sort of woman. Besides working, she loved to wear her hair down, long wavy gold locks abundant. She loved the modern types of clothes.. much loser dresses, shorter, more low cut collars, often bare foot, happy to lie on the grass under their big willow tree-- the type of woman who'd eventually have earned the name "Hippie."

In addition to this, she was very lax with her household. She cooked and cleaned.. but simply not in the traditional way.. not formally.. not even all of the time. Instead of keeping the house,

She prefered to focus on her own hobbies-- Painting and reading.

Victoria always called MaryAnne a Romantic.

Maryanne always called Victoria a Square.

They were the best of friends.

They were, however, as said before-- very different women

and very different women raise their kids very differently.

Now when they were babies, it wasnt so different. THe two women would get together daily for tea, and the children would play together. As they got older, however, is where things diverged.

They remained close, however…

Maryanne raised Winnie just the way youd expect… a free spirit. a wild child, strong and smart and romantic. When she was young she had the freedom to explore, to learn, and to grow. She had really very little structure-- family dinners, for example, were unlikely in lieu of eating whatever was there and fending for herself. She could explore and play as she pleased, and was not overly bothered with school, only made to go as it was necessary, and focussing only on what she'd liked most-- much like her mother, finding herself absolutely in love with reading.

Henry of course was raised as you'd expect in a old-fashioned type of military household.

They were strict with his studies… strict with his bedtime. Strict with his cleaning and his schedule.

His duties came before all else. He would be reprimended for the smallest of things… dirty nailbeds, his books being out of alphabetical order-- The normal sort of military mindset, normal of the time, but simply never meant for a child.

Now, Henry did have SOME freedoms.

As their families were both neighbors with large amounts of acreage, so long as his duties and responsibilities were completed, and especially when his father was home, he was often encouraged to spend time OUTSIDE, away from the house-- so not to be bothersome.

These were Henry's favorite times, as he'd happily escape into the green lands behind their home, and off to the nearby stream.

This stream was one of Winifred's favorite places. From a young age she was allowed to wander-- to explore and grow. She was always waiting for him there.

"Henry~!" She'd always greet with a warm smile.

As they'd grown, Winifred had grown beautiful, just like her mother.

She was incredibly petite and pale… but she had the brightest blue eyes, and wavy gold locks that fell a mess everywhere. She'd be laxed, her bare feet dangling in the water, a book in her hands.

Henry was incredibly enamored with her, and she with him-- though he didn't understand it.

Henry was an average height, but ever so slightly overweight, which he was self conscious of, though his mother insisted he was "Well fed."

He had dark hair, deeply tanned skin, and dark eyes… he wore glasses, and had prominant large bulbous nose and his mothers ridiculously buck teeth. He was precisely what you'd imagine the sterotypical nerd of the time to look like. Always "Properly" dressed, often in dress shirts, with a bow tie and a pocket protector with pens.

He hated it. He felt ridiculous, but Winifred always reassured him.

"Winnie." He'd greet nervously in return. "You brought a book-- will you read to me again?"

He'd ask every day, despite him knowing the answer.. to which she'd always smile.

"Always." She'd agree.

"Mother won't ever let me read those sort of books. She says theyre nonsensical and I should be spending my time studying.." He'd tell her quietly, and she'd smile and shake her head. "Your mother is a codfish." She'd quote peterpan playfully.. patting the ground beside her. "Come sit, I'll read." She'd say surely.

She'd lay down a blanket she'd bring just for him-- the poor boy so afraid of getting in trouble for being dirty he'd never once sit on the grass.. unable to even bring his own blanket to sit upon for fear his mother would find IT dirty and he'd be in trouble. He'd always check, and check, and double check three times to make sure it was clean enough before sitting, and settling in to listen to her stories--.

It was his favorite thing in the world.

She would read him all kinds of stories.. from the classics to romance and anything she could get her hands on… her favorite books, however, were those Old Westerns and anything about the Americal South. Her favorite book, in particular, being "Christy" by Catherine Mashall. a Book about a 19 year old woman from the city who'd come to the Appalachians to help educate the people there, only to learn their ways and appreciate the beauty of the mountain people.

Since it was her favorite book, she had read it many times to Henry.. and it had become his favorite as well.

Today was one of those days, she was just finishing the story for what must have been the fourt or fifth time. He smiled warmly as she finished.. covering his mouth as he did.

"What are you covering your mouth for?" Winifred asked curiously.

Henry frowned. "Mother says that smiling is nonsensical. Besides.. I look ridiculous anyway with these.. teeth." He hissed as though they were some sort of curse.

Winnie only smiled warmly, sliding up and kissing his cheek, making him blush all over.

"I like your teeth, Henry.

Your MOTHER is nonsensical!" She declared surely, leaning into him lightly.

"When we are grown, we should move far far away.. where your mother has no say so."

"To the appalachians?" Henry asked with a warm laugh.

"Why not?" She chimed brightly.

Of course… they were only childish fancies.. but then. What separates a childish fancy from reality spare for action?

The two as they grew only grew closer. They were very much in love, and as soon as they were old enough, they were wed.

Winifred Beuden had become Winifred Tetch

And Henry and Winifred Tetch set off the exact same day for Elizabethton, Tennessee.

It was perfect. Everything they had hoped for. It was a historical town, and it looked just how she had imagined. Beautiful and at the base of the appalachians--

And Winifred and Henry, with their comfortable financial status' of their families, quickly found the perfect home as well. An old, quite large, wooden-and-brick two-story turn-of-the-century home.

It was Everything They'd dreamed of.

Their lives were perfect.

And their perfect life soon only came with more wonderful news… as only a few months after, Winnie was pregnant with their first child.

The two were ecstatic… and nine months later they gave birth to a baby boy.

"He has my nose." Henry IMMEDIATELY sighed in defeat, only making Winnie laugh warmly."

And its just as adorable on him as it is on you. He's perfect."

"At least he has your hair." He mumbled in defeat, but smirked softly.

"What are we to name him?" He asked sweetly, and she smiled softly.

"I like the name Jervis…" Winifred answered gently.

"Jervis..?" He repeated lightly, raising a brow in surprise. "You mean Jarvis? Gervase?"

Winifred shook her head surely.

"Jervis is a version of those. Like Jervis Bay in Wales-- but it sounds more… American. Like… he belongs here." She said surely, if not a bit dreamily.

"JER-vis." He quoted in an American accent-- causing them both to laugh.

"Jervis Tetch. I like it." He said surely.

"Tetch is SO unamerican." SHe sighed and laughed too, Kissing him sweetly.

And so.. Jervis Tetch was born.

As Jervis grew.. he was an absolute Mama's boy if there ever was one.

Winifred ADORED her little son. He was sweet and shy.. attached to her at the hip at all times.

"Winnie~" Henry would greet as he came home from work, kissing her own the lips. Only to have the small blonde boy sulk and crawl onto his moms lap, clinging to her with a pout.

"Mummy~" Hed whine.. making his father sulk.. to which Winnie would answer sweetly and patiently.

"He's only a boy, My Henry. Don't you pout so." She'd comfort warmly.

Any new family with a new child will know this to be true: When a child is involved, you simply dont have the same amount of time together as you'd had before….

When the child is clingy, that is even more true.

Jervis was the most clingy of children. The most sweet and loving of children.

He loved his mother more than anything in the world, and nearly never let her go. At least… until just after the boy had turned four years old.

It had seemed Henry at SOME point had at least got SOME time with his beloved Winifred.. because at this time is when they found out that they were having their second child.

Winnie Tetch was pregnant, and again, they were ecstatic.

"Mummy has a baby in there?" Jervis asked, touching her tummy.

The boy had the most impossibly high pitched voice, and the biggest baby blue eyes that gazed up at his mother like a pup.

"SHe does. Your little sister." She said surely.

"Will she like me?" The boy inquired worriedly.

"She will love you." Winifred assured.

And she did.

Later that year, Winifred gave birth to her second child:

Fairlight Tetch. Named after one of the main characters from her favorite book… the one that had originally inspired her, "Christy."

Jervis immediately adored his little sister and Henry found her to be perfect. She too had her mothers blue eyes and blonde hair, but also got her perfect nose-- which won her fathers immediate approval.

With this year, however.. came something else that was new.

Jervis's first year at school. With this came some issues, buried… and unexpected.

Sadly, the issue isn't what you may think.

Now… we know well Jervis had his fathers large nose.. well you'd well-to-know if you've ever heard of Jervis Tetch, you know well that as his adult teeth began to come in, he too, had the Tetch Family's large overbite.. so you may think perhaps the issue lies in bullying. Right?

Well. You'd not be wrong to think kids could be cruel-- but this did not bother Jervis. He was very much a Beauden at heart. A free spirited romantic, lofty and passive.

Their words didnt bother him much at all. Not really. Neither did the lack of friends.

He'd much rather sit under a tree and look at picture books-- Later read.

Or talk to the cat belonging to one of the neighbors that lived near the school that had often wandered to the playground.

He'd watch the caterpillars eat leaves, and keep track of the crysalises that formed.

He found happiness in his own interests. and so the other children never bothered him much.

No… the problem came in the form of. Henry. His father.

When Henry left England, he had done so entirely with the intent on leaving his Father and Mother behind. But unfortunately some things are harder to forget.

From the way he was raised, Henry had something that in modern times we now know well as trauma-induced OCD.

It manifested in many ways.

It always had shown in small ways. The way he'd check things for cleanliness, every time. WHen he was young, the blanket Winnie would lie down for him. As he got older he did it with dishes, with showering, with putting things away. It wasn't hugely problematic.. but it was noticeable.

If someone else, for example, a young Jervis, had put something away, His father would check it.. and check it again, and once more. He HAD to it seemed, or he'd stress himself into a frenzy.

But it didnt really become an issue until Jervis started school.

"He HAS to study more. He spends all of his time playing-- if he doesn't study his grades will fall."

He'd fret to Winnie, who'd quelm his worries. "And so what if they do, dear? We are well off. He is a smart boy-- He is fine. We are fine." She'd always assure him. But it was so ingrained from his parents and the words theyd always repeat to him as a child. "And what if there is another war, Winifred? Our money will be worth NOTHING. We will lose everything, and he's not the skills to survive!" "Henry!" She'd stop him over and over again. "He is only five, my love. We are in America now. And we will be fine. He will be fine.

He will be fine.

Jervis heard that every time his parents ever argued. They never USED to argue.. and why was it ALWAYS about HIM? He hated it so… he always felt like it was his fault..

Sometimes he'd apologize.. but his parents always told him it wasn't.

"It's not your fault, Jervis… go off to play."

Of course, as he got older, the compulsions seemed to get worse.. But Winifred helped Henry through it, calm and patient as she ever was. And He'd give into her as he always had. They'd come to a solution, and there was a compromise.

From Second Grade on, once grades did begin to matter moreso,

Jervis had to put his studies first every day when he got home. Appease his father by studying. But only within reason. and with plenty of time for him also to play and explore. It was not bad, not at all.

It was a very balanced sort of childhood. For the time, all was well.

Jervis was not an unintelligent child… not by any means. In fact, he was quite the opposite.

He was bright as could be. He was imaginative, he read very well above the expected level for his age, and he loved to make his parents proud. He worked hard, and for the most part succeeded…

Minus a very small issue.

It seemed that every now and again… Jervis would just sort of… zone out during class. He'd space at times, it was noticed.

It was especially surveyable when he was looking at picture books. It was noticed by his teachers that sometimes he would stay on the same page for far too long-- even perhaps hours if he were allowed..

He'd just gaze into the picture relentlessly.. almost unblinking.

Sometimes he'd twist his fingers, or bite his lip, or some other form of stim. But just… stare at it-- presumably daydreaming-- lost in his own head in some unimaginable concept entirely inspired by nothing more than the unmoving picture.

It was at this time his teacher had called a conference with Henry and Winifred to express their concerns.

Jervis was put through some tests and some observations following this point.

Eventually.. he was diagnosed with two things. Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD, and High Functioning Autism.

Of course, back then, these things werent well understood. Henry was understandably distraught, worried about what sort of future he could have with such issues.

Winifred naturally comforted him, and the doctor they'd been refered to for the observations explained that the Autism wasnt some sort of death sentance… that despite it making him a little different, some autistic children even had some talents that "Normal" children didnt. Such as remembering dates and times with ease, or other languages. She recommended perhaps putting him into some extracurricular activities and seeing if any resignated with him. In addition the doctor explained that the ADD could likely be helped with therapy.. and if it couldnt… that they had medication that would help.

Of course, when they'd gone home, this once again had started a fight among his parents.

"He'll have to work harder, three, four, five times as hard as other children! He has to LEARN to act normal, Winifred! Its for his own good, for his FUTURE."

Of course, Winnie denied but comforted as she always did. "There is nothing wrong with the way he is, Henry. That is your parents speaking through you. The same parents we left behind…

It's such an archaic way of thinking. He is different-- there is nothing wrong with different. Different people are the future, my love. Give him a chance." She urged..

Henry of course was reluctant.. his own compulsions eating at him. But he loved his wife dearly, and gave in, letting it drop.

Jervis himself sighed, curling up in his room with his head on his knees.

Fairlight, however, giving him a push. "Jervy, play with me!" Fairlight chimed, her big blue eyes batting at her brother, her chin on his knees.

Jervis pouted.. not speaking.

This was something that was common for Jervis-- when he got upset he'd just go silent and not speak at all. Fairlight, four years old at this time, was used to this.

Over the years, Jervis's attachment to his mother, throughout his parents constantly argueing over HIM, had transferred to his little sister.

She was his best friend.

She was perfect. Just like dad said, she was everything he wasnt.

But he wasn't jealous.. not at all. He was just so glad. He didnt want her to ever be bullied like he was. He didnt want their father ever to be disappointed in her like he was with him. It would break his heart-- He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her life to be perfect. Just like she was.

His perfect baby sister, his best friend. The only one who never judged him. Never mocked him, never thought less of him.

She loved him unconditionally, and he loved her.

Fairlight pouted at his silence, and stuck her bottom lip out dramatically, just shaking him more. "Big Brother, please? Ill cry!"

Of course. that worked every time.. Jervis's face faultered slightly. "Oh.. no no, Dont cry, Fairlight. Okay… okay I'll play. WHat do you want to play? Blocks? Xylophone?" He offered a soft smile, tapping on her little toy instrument suggestingly.

"NO! I'm not a baby, Jervis!" She insisted, pouting cutely with her hands on her hips.

"I want to play Alice in Wonderland." She declared surely, with a bright smile.

"What? Alison Wonderland? Is… that a rock and roll band?" Jervis pouted a little disapprovingly. Despite getting many of his mothers traits, he held his fathers distaste for the modern music movement of the time.

"NO! Alice IN wonderland! like the Disney movie!" She pouted insistantly.

"Oh… is that… its the one with the purple cat, right?" He asked unsurely, Her lighting up.

"YES thats the one. and I will be Alice." She said brightly.

"Of course. and… I'm the cat?" He asked sweetly.

"Oh NO. You're the MAD HATTER." SHe said surely, Taking one of their mother's dressing-hats and plopping it on Jervis's head… which swallowed him entirely.

"The MAD HATTER? But I don't even like hats. and he was ENTIRELY unpleasant." Jervis frowned, pulling the dressing-hat up to where he could see.

"Now then. Alice is studying.. and she is sooo tired of studying cus its so BORING. so she falls asleep and wakes up in wonderland where everything is WONDERFUL and she doesnt have to study EVER again.

Jervis had to laugh. "Youve not even started school yet. What do you know about studying? Perhaps I should be Alice!" He teased, but always gave in at her sulking.

Of course… this was the beginning of it. He played pretend to appease his sister.

He didn't even LIKE the hatter. But he liked making his sister happy. and so they'd play, every day.

They'd go out into their mothers garden, and he'd let Fairlight lead, having adventures in the back yard, playing play-pretend--

And not too long later, it was in the library at school, Jervis discovered it.

"Alice in wonderland! It's a book? Just like Fairlight's Favorite!" He gushed happily running to the librarian. "Is this like the Disney Movie?" He asked innocently. The woman smiled to him patiently.

"Even better. It may be a bit difficult for your age, though--" "OH! I read very well for my age, madam." He insisted surely. The woman smiled in return. "Well then you should get "Through the looking glass" as well. Read both books. I hope you'll enjoy them."

And with joy, Jervis took both books, and got right to home.

He was happy to show Fairlight, who was delighted.

"You have to read them to me, you'll read them to me, right Jervis?!" She demanded, of course only met with a big buck-toothed smile.

"I would think of doing nothing else." He said surely.

Of course, Jervis had to do his homework and clean, but as soon as he was done, He and his sister curled up in the garden.. and Jervis began to read to her.

He read to her a little every single day-- right up into bedtime.

He found he liked the books MUCH more than the movie, and was happy to chat long after they were supposed to be asleep. Him leaning down from his bunkbed.

"Did you know, the librarian lady at school told me that Lewis Carrol wrote Alice in wonderland about a real little girl.. Her name was Alice Liddel. She said he'd watch her play.. and he was amazed by how imagintive she was. How she could always amuse herself and make something out of nothing. How she'd talk to the flowers and the caterpillars."

"Just like you!" Fairlight chimed happily."

"Oh no, YOURE Alice, not ME. I'm the Hatter, remember?" He laughed.

He always loved how much Fairlight would light up when he'd call her Alice.. she really did love it so.

"Goodnight, my Alice." He chimed warmly.

She giggled happily. "Good un-daytime, Mad hatter!" She said surely in return.

The two loved eachother very much. Unfortunately.. this didnt last.

They were nearly through the second book, "Through the Looking Glass"

When Jervis had hurried home as he did every day.

"Alice, I'm home! I'll get right on my homework and then we should finish the book this week!" He announced happily.. only to be paused as he slid in, looking around.

"Alice? Fairlight?"

He called out, Winifred shaking her head. "Shhh, Jervis. Fairlight is ill today. She can't play, she needs rest." She assured. Jervis nodded, and smiled. "Oh okay." He said thoughtfully.

"When she wakes up, can I still read to her?" He asked.. and Winifred of course agreed.

When Fairlight woke.. Jervis did read to her.. a little. She was fine just the day before.. but now she had a fever.. She could barely stay awake--. Jervis read a little, but hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"You rest, We can read later, okay? "

"Okay Jervy, I love you big brother. We will play tomorrow, okay?"

"For most certain." He agreed, I love you too, My Alice. Tomorrow then."

Tomorrow.. however… never came.

Fairlight had just gotten so ill so fast… they didn't even have the time to know what had happened.

Jervis was called to the principals office.

WHen they told him that his sister had passed.. he didnt react at all.

He didnt cry at first. He didnt ask questions.

He just went silent.

He was silent for a long time while they talked.

He felt like his face was on fire. He felt numb. It couldnt be real.

When he finally spoke, it was muddled.

"I should go home, I promised Fairlight we would finish the book today…"

The principal immediately looked concerned. "Jervis… Fairlight is… Shes gone. Im sorry."

"She isn't gone. SHe wouldn't leave without finishing the story. She's Alice." He informed them distantly.

Of course… she was gone.

She was gone.

Jervis couldnt believe she was gone.

They never even got.. to finish the book.

She was Alice.. she was the main character.. she couldnt be gone.

This is when the Tetches fell apart.

Winifred had fallen deep into depression.. losing her daughter just sucked the life right out of her… and she had turned this brokeness to Jervis.

She would lift him into her arms just as she had done when he was young, and just hold him for hours at a time.

She paid no attention to Henry anymore.. she couldnt bare to.

And Jervis scarcely was going to school. He couldn't leave her… She was becoming so frail and weak-- just like Fairlight had been.

If he left..

He knew she'd be gone forever if he did.

"Winnie, you need to EAT. You cant do this to me. I ALREADY LOST MY DAUGHTER am I supposed to lose my wife too?! And what about HIM? You think Jervis is going to get by without you?!

He's a freak. He needs his mother!"

Jervis had woken to his father yelling. He frowned deeply.. normally when they fought he'd lock himself in his room. But he just couldn't leave his mother… not now.

She didn't even argue… she just gave her husband a soft distant look.

"Winifred, its NOT romantic to be a Martyr. You need to go on with the LIVING. You can't just follow her!" He snapped, but left the room.

Jervis frowned softly, looking up at his mother.

"is it true…?"

She looked down at him slowly, taking a deep breath, before speaking far too slowly.

"Is what true, My Jervis?"

Jervis frowned a little. "Are you trying to die? Like Fairlight?" He asked with ernest concern.

But Winifred only smiled softly, in a foreign way Jervis didn't recognize.

"I am." She said slowly, but shook her head seeing Jervis's horror.

"Don't be so sad… Jervis. It's like that book you were reading…."

"Like.. our book?" He asked slowly.

Winifred nodded.

"Fairlight is in wonderland now… I'm just… following the white rabbit… to go and find her…" She whispered gently.

"To wonder… Mother, she's DEAD. She's not in wonderland! She died! You'll die!" He argued in a panic, stress in his voice.

She shook her head, however… "Death is just.. another way of reaching the other side of the looking glass. When you go this way.. you can't come back anymore.

I just.. don't want her to be alone."

Jervis frowned deeply.. to him-- it made sense. He knew what death was but.. his autism made him not completely grasp it.. not the way he should have-- and his mother was skewing it. She didn't mean to do harm… but the truth was. She did..

"You will help me… won't you, Jervis?" She whispered softly, Jervis looking up helplessly.

"You don't want to leave Fairlight alone, right? I just.. want to go take care of her… okay?"

Jervis thought about it, but nodded slowly. "Okay. … Just.. How can I help, Mum?"

She took a deep breath. "There are flowers… in the garden bushes… the Oleander.

Fetch them for mother… and we. we will have a tea party.

I will drink the Oleander tea.. and I will follow your sister into Wonderland." She told him surely…

Jervis looked down… he nodded, but looked up helplessly. "I miss her, mother… and.. I will miss you too.. so much. I want to come to WOnderland too--"

"No--" She said quickly, but sighed. "No, Jervis… when you find you way to wonderland… you have to find it through the looking glass.. the one with the way back.. so you can always come back to this world." "I don't need to be in this room if you and Fairlight are there.." he said quickly, but she shook her head. "You have to stay to keep our family alive in this world. You know we are from such prominant families.. You will inheret everything, you will be the one to make us proud. I have faith in you, Jervis. When you find your way through the looking glass.. you will see us again." She answered quickly and surely, stroking his cheek gently. "WHen I am gone.. I promise I will come back to you as the white rabbits, okay? They'll always be a sign of what you need to do, so you'll never be alone. I promise."

Of course… by all technicality.. this was Jervis' first murder.. though no one ever knew the truth besides Jervis himself.. who didnt understand it.

He did what he thought was right… He helped his mom go to find Fairlight… so she wouldnt be alone.

Of course.. Henry found them… Her unconscious with tea in her hand… and Jervis petting her gently, stroking her hair comfortingly.

He didn't think anything suspicious-- she was already in bad shape.. and Jervis-- he knew he was.. off. He just assumed he didnt understand.. he wasnt completely wrong.

He was DISTRAUGHT. and Broken. and from there is when things got… bad.

Of course without Winifred and Fairlight there anymore…

Henry's OCD and compulsions had spiralled out of control.

Jervis was all he had left.. He had to save him. He had to save the family.

What if Winnie's way was wrong? He couldn't take that risk.. not now.

Jervis was forced to study relentlessly. He no longer could play, He no longer had that freedom.

The only think he still was allowed to do was to read… only because his father would forever have a softspot for it-- thanks to his lost love.

As he grew older, of course the boy was praised as being brilliant. He graduated highschool with honors. Jervis had become a much more serious and diligent boy, just as his father had pushed him to.

Despite his electives and extracurriculars in highschool being largely focussed on Classic Literature and the history of such, when he'd gone to college, he'd chosen his Majors not to his own preferences, but instead at his fathers urging and pushing his responsibility to keep their family alive.

Medical Science and Biology, and Technology.

Of course.. it was mentioned long long before that many autistic children had a gift in certain areas.

Well, by matter of chance, they had found that area. Jervis absolutely was considered a genius in his work here.. He had a high ranking job right out of college and was considered unparalelled in his work. He was hired in the big city, in THE Gotham City, and quickly moved there to begin working for Wayne Enterprises.

But as seemed to be a pattern in this poor boys life-- the good couldn't last. Nothing was ever stable.

Jervis at this point, despite having been talented in this area, was overworking himself.

At this point he had been well brainwashed by his father, he had long since forgotten his previous hobbys, and had delved into only his work. He needed to be successful. and there was nothing else.

He was working day and night, constantly-- He would sometimes go days forgetting to eat or sleep, and that-- there inlaid the issue. Because that was what eventually lead to his first hallucination-- and eventually his full schizophrenic break.

Jervis had fallen asleep at his desk.. it wasnt uncommon. and it was quite late when he awoke.. everyone else was already gone from the lab… when he got up, and made his way downstairs, locking up and leaving.

As he was leaving, he was heading to walk home, as he was nearly tripped… by a white rabbit.

At first.. he didnt think twice…. and yet somehow, it hit him all at once. He looked back.. to see a little girl.. running after the rabbit.

The little girl looked-- so familiar somehow.. something about her blonde hair and blue eyes.. and little blue dress. "…Its… impossible… Fairlight?"

"Call me Alice, silly!" She giggled, before turning and running back after the Rabbit….

Almost mindlessly, he followed it. It lead him to a park…

It was late.. so there was no children.

But there was one person… a man.. and he was crying.

Jervis frowned, looking around. He couldn't remember quite how he got there. Wasn't he.. following someone? He was too tired to recall.

"Excuse me… excuse me!" Jervis spoke up.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently as he walked up to the man, he looked up.

"Im sorry.. I didnt know anyone else was here.." The man stood.

"Oh-- Oh nonono… you arent bothering me. Not even a little bit! But you do seem so very… distraught. You are in a park, crying! Perhaps… youd like to talk about it?" Jervis offered.

Ive no where to be-- not really.."

The man and Jervis sat and talked… they talked until daylight broke.

The man was heartbroken.. the story was all too familiar. He had lost his wife and child

This man, however… had lost a son.

"I am so sorry--" Jervis said, almost on impulse, but the man shook his head.

"If I knew.. I would have done things differently.

I worked him so hard. I was so concerned for his grades.. was so worried about school-- none of that matters now. all those straight A's amounted to NOTHING. Hes DEAD and GONE. And all that time I could have been spending with him-- I lost it. Its too late now.

I'd do anything to be with them now--

I just want to be with them."

Jervis frowned deeply. "Sir.. if you're feeling… suicidal-- there are people you can call.. Here you can use my phone--!"

The man shook his head. "Nah… dont worry. I know how it works… or how they say it works. If I off myself-- Ill never see them again-- Ya know? We wont go to the same place."

Jervis thought about it for a moment. "You wont… be able to go to wonderland?" He asked slowly, the man laughing sadly. "Sure. we can say it like that." He said plainly.

Jervis thought hard for a long moment. He was quiet for several minutes before finally speaking.

"Would you like some tea?"

The man looked confused at first. "Wha? I prefer coffee.." He laughed sadly, akwardly, but Jervis gave a soft smile.

"I am English afterall, im sure you can hear it-- I must insist. It will help." He said surely, offering the man his hand as he stood.

The man thought about it… but let him help him up. He followed the shorter man a small distance home.

That night… the small man was finally able to join his family in wonderland. Jervis had helped him.

"Do you understand now..?" Jervis heard a small voice, he turned to see the small girl again, giving him a soft look.

"Yes, Alice.. I understand. I will help him." He said softly.

Jervis packed a small bag… and headed home to Tennessee… Home to see his father.

His father was growing old.. he was a miserable man who never did quite get over the loss of the love of his life.. and though he was proud of Jervis' accomplishments. He'd never let it show… so trapped in "Tough Love"…

Jervis could now see the suffering. The man before had opened his eyes…

Alice wanted him to help him. He would help him. He missed his mother so well.

Jervis had of course made tea for him.. and they sat together and talked…

But he seemed to realize something was wrong.. it was different than the others.. he didnt just fall asleep.. his eyes seemed to have a kind of clarity.

"Jervis… what.. did you do?"

"Its alright father…" He smiled warmly, touching his arm, before hugging him tightly.

"You'll see mom again soon. Youll finally be happy. Alice told me so… Fairlights here to take you."

Jervis said so proudly.. he didnt understand the last look in his fathers eyes.

It would take a long time to truly understand it…

After this, nearly a decade had passed.

On one hand, for a decade, Jervis had been a normal man. He'd worked every day, he'd been successful. He'd not killed anyone-- importantly.

His life seemed to have finally settled into place, although-- his obsession… only grew.

Once he had "helped" his father, the small man was finally at peace. He didnt feel guilted anymore, nor obligation. He finally was free to find the joy in his life… to try to find the looking glass..

And he did.. when he could finally stop and look around him, he found it often, in every day things.

To him, Gotham truly was a wonderland.

The lights that lit the sky at night to him danced like stars singing to him…

The characters very much surounded them,

The flowers sang,

THe walrus was on the news… though for some reason he called himself the penguin? But Jervis didnt question it, he respected all peoples identities!

And in fact he'd just been promoted at work! Head of Hardware development. He was moved to a different department and paired with a new partner.

A snarky, unhappy, but very intelligent man named Edward Nashton.

"Hello, hello! Frabjous day, is it not?!" Jervis greeted with Delight, offering his hand.

The taller man looked him over with scrutinizing eyes, very VERY delicately taking just the tips of his fingers with gloved hands. "…Right…. Lewis Carrol, hm?" He sighed, as Jervis nodded in agreeance.

"OH, You know it?"

"I know ALL the classics. I can't say ive a preference for something so… ABSTRACT, myself. But-- to each their own." He sighed, cleaning his glasses and turning back to the computer screen where he typed away.

"Oh! Well, Its very much my favorite. My little sister introduced me, you know. She is Alice. She always helps me to find the wonderland in everything~" He chimed brightly, proudly bragging as though the girl were still alive, there with him.

Ed just shrugged passively.

"Right. Well. Good on you." He gave a thumbs up carelessly.

"And good luck when that falls apart too." He said back mocking the singsongy voice, waving his hand mildly.

"My well you ARE a sourpuss, arent you?" Jervis sulked.. but got to work.

Of course… as bleak as it may seem. This irritable man eventually came one of Jervis' two dearest friends.

It was not too long after this point the man had had his own break of sorts.. becoming a criminal himself, outright and well known. He'd been open and fearless, and been stopped by-- a man dressed as a bat. Even Jervis thought that was a bit insane. Even in wonderland men didn't dress as bats.

But Jervis admired the man greatly. He had fought for what he believed in, he was guilted into nothing, and he helped… HIMSELF, most importantly. THAT was something Jervis had NEVER done. He was so entirely impressed. Edward had not been arressted that day, but actually gotten away, despite being stopped from his rampage-- Jervis knew the white rabbit would lead him right to him.

He must be insane. What was he doing? Surely he'd lose his job. But-- this life. This was never HIS life. He wanted to follow Alice into wonderland-- Surely Edward's way-- Edwards way was wonderland. To live freely and indugently.

He knew the white rabbit would lead him to Edward.

Edward now called himself the Riddler, didnt he?

Well he would follow in the intelligent man's footsteps.

He was… he was---.

"The Mad Hatter." He heard the small voice, with giggles. which made him smile fondly.

"I am the Mad Hatter." Jervis repeated surely.. following the white rabbit into the night.

[fictionkinfessions]

its weird being kin with a character who is so commonly headcanoned to have NPD (while not having npd), and then having NPD now like man i Didnt have npd i was riddled with a whole other set of mental health issues lol

"omgg leo isnt DEPRESSED he has NPD and just needs support from his family to validate himself!!" like good for you live your life but also No i Didnt i acted as the "face man" because a) i didnt have a Niche in the team and b) nobody else really Was the face man like i didnt have a *role* aside from just being The Fourth Turtle like, donnie had his tech and raph was built like a tank and also Is Raph i mean cmon, and mikey had his fucken Razzmatazz and i was just sorta There Leo, blue guy, red eared slider, liked instant noodles and cold drinks and warm blankets and sorta just not really A Part of it like why do you think i took up being the fucking medic? so id be like!! useful!!! so id have something to do to say i was helping!! do you know how taxing it is to go and set bones and be the one to help your brothers after they have their shit rocked by like. meatsweats or something? fuck like im not MAD at them but it was like. a stressful thing. but i HAD nothing else! i wasnt leader until way later on and no matter what raph would always be the Unofficial Leader. my portals didnt compare to any of the shit my brothers could do. like "oh yeah hey i can make fucking portals" meanwhile raph can a) FUCKING DUPLICATE HIMSELF and b) make a projection of himself thats like 5 times his size mikey can a) THROW BOATS??? AND BUILDINGS???? WITH HIS FUCKING NUNCHUCKS???? b) yk. make inter-dimensional portals so not even my PORTALS are unique c) FLOAT. EVENTUALLY. d) like. pyro-related stuff i guess. and donnie's so fucking smart he doesnt even NEED mystic shit!! his tech-bo is like, yaknow, EVERYTHING YOUD WANT out of something called a "tech-bo", he set up all of our lair's tech, he made the heaters, he made AI's with the same capabilities of a human brain, and then add on MYSTICS to that???? holy SHIT. then theres dad who can just Kick Ass apparently despite being a tiny rat-man. april is the most resourceful person i know, casey and casey jr. are both STUPIDLY good with hand-to-hand combat because of fucking course they are. barry is a) physically capable somehow, b) has his stupid fucking vines and c) is an ALCHEMIST. even fucking sunita is more interesting than me!!! like what the shit! the most I contribute is being a fucking pest!!! my unfunny-streak has CONTINUED into Now, and im just as uninteresting and all this is stupid because draxum made all of us WITH A PURPOSE. the tank, the strategist, the analyst and the mediator. raph, me, don and mikey. i know, factually im not "without purpose". im part of our stupid, biologically-designed unit. but i cant fucking help myself. what the point of a strategist if the analyst is smart enough to fix everything if something goes wrong. what good is a strategist if the mediator can, again, THROW. BUILDINGS. what fucking GOOD is a STRATEGIST if the TANK can protect everyone!! "oh but leo! you trapped Him in the prison dimension" it wouldnt have been a PROBLEM if I hadnt let them out in the FIRST PLACE. it doesnt MATTER that i didnt know what it was! it still happened BECAUSE OF ME. donnie had to fucking, idk, INTEGRATE with THE FUCKING TECHNODROME cause of me! mikey fried himself cause of ME! dad and april got hurt cause of me! raph got fucking kidnapped and infected BECAUSE OF ME! if i wasnt a factor, the invasion wouldnt have happened at all, and my whole "planning to trap Prime in the prison dimension + self sacrifice" thing wouldnt have even HAD TO HAPPEN, so that point is WORTHLESS! i am a """strategist""" that only serves to hurt his unit. and what kind of fucking strategist is that.

-leo (probably from Lemonade Leak i guess) 🔷⚔🌌. sorry for this ask, mpc. probs more venty than you bargained for.

🐸

[stephaniedola]

FUCK im late anyway also for file my beloved: alone bound ;) hate skin

I LOVE U i knew youd give me the good good

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

oooh this is a good one.... SHAPEFILE grew up in a lab surrounded by scientists constantly observing him, and although he doesnt remember much about it, he definitely has an ingrained sense of feeling weird on his own. i think he probably finds being alone and undistracted very perturbing. if hes alone, hes probably doing GIS stuff and/or homework.

otherwise i feel like they fill their life with various odd characters to amuse them and keep them from feeling lonely. not that they'd admit that, and not that it would show based on how they treat people

really, when FILEs alone i feel like FILE just goes full autism mode. stim city. maybe those untapped traumas memories from FILEs childhood start to seep in... who knows

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

FILE was pretty much kept imprisoned for the first 13 years of his life, which, again, he does not remember but still has lingering emotional scars from. as for what happened, he has no way of knowing, but hes fairly certain it was bad. part of why he doesn't think too deeply about his issues and hates being alone with his thoughts is because of the weird triggers and fetishes he has that he can't place the origin of. its just NULL data. he does have scars, all over his body, but he was told they were all part of the process of creating him. frankenstein lookin ass.

they only got out by waking up age 13 (so they're told) with no memories, being told who they were (supposed to be?) and being assigned an adoptive family.

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

the funnier and less twisted answer to this question is open source software. they fight constantly with Quin, the local naturalist dyke, who insists that Esri software (again, FILE believes they were literally created to shill this stuff) sucks and that proprietary software shouldnt exist. also, they hatefuck

as for the real answer, it's FILEs second thesis advisor (dont worry about what happened to the first one) Dr. Tan, who has taken an unfortunate liking to FILE, with whom FILE has a deeply questionable relationship FILE has very weird feelings about. FILE knows their dynamic is abusive but FILE feels like FILE brings it upon FILEself by being, on some level, into it.

when Tan's around in public, FILE gets very closed off and defensive, trying to put distance between them. in private, the facade fades quickly and FILE finds themself feeling painfully reliant on the affection and affirmation from the person they hate the most

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

ahhhh yes, the kicker to everything above. SHAPEFILE is so uncomfortable in their own skin it hurts. as has been the theme of these answers, they are in no way prepared to face the reality inside themself. what might that reality be? i think FILE's nightmare scenario would be to find out there was another path for him all along. that he doesnt need to be a machine to be a man, that he doesnt need to be a man to be a machine

thats part of why FILE hates Tan so much. tan acknowledges this potential, but also takes advantage of it. this all contributes to FILEs weird feelings about the already weird situation

accepting that they can be someone other than the person [ERROR: Data type 'person' not specified] ??? they were prescribed to be is the one thing they need the most to self-actualize, but SHAPEFILE is so far removed from the self. SHAPEFILE is just points, lines, and polygons. SHAPEFILE is just space.

but if he acknowledges it, he acknowledges that there's nothing special about him.

Geoffrey Isaiah Shapiro is just taking up space.

[dykeyote]

Oh you listen to TMA?, well would you recommend it?

i did listen :D!! not much anymore haha but i was real into it back in like 2020 (: and well . that is a VERY layered question bc i have very mixed feelings about tma as a podcast sorry anon im sure u were hoping for a cut and dry yes or no but alas .... i ramble

so basically short answer is that if you want to get into non-dnd fiction podcasts and be an active member of fandom for them i would highly recommend you listen to tma not even out of tmas own original quality but just because its So popular and its made Such an impact on the fiction podcast landscape . i would recommend wtnv for a similar reason but also just because wtnv is just great and a wonderful listen (and my special interest lol) - SOOO many people around you are gonna be referencing tma and referencing the entities and listening to at leaset a good chunk of it at least once will make your experience in the fiction podcast fanbse more enjoyable because when people say stuff like . idk "sydney would be a corruption avatar" youll understand wtf theyre saying . so just on a very functional level id recommend you listen to it just so you understand the references that people around you make (:

whether i would recommend tma based on its own merits is .... more complicated . because tma is one of those pieces of media where the good attributes are REALLY INCREDIBLY GOOD and the bad attributes are very noticeable, and some of those can even be the same thing - for example, while ive had many in depth discussions about how poorly implemented i think the entities system is and how frustrating it is that theyre so poorly balanced throughotu all the episodes, i still think its one of the most genius pieces of world lore ive seen and does an AMAZING job at accurately encapsulating every single fear you could think of.

so basically, while i would recommend tma both because it has some VERY amazing aspects and because it had such an Impact on fiction podcasts that itll be tricky to avoid it if u wanna keep getting into narrative podcasts, i would recommend you examine it critically while you do so. like by all means have fun its GREAT the horrors creepy its popular for a reason!! but also make sure youre able to examine the writing flaws, both the ones that are just writing issues (like the pacing problems) and the ones that probably come to mind more when you think of "examining media critically" (like the narratives Very odd relationship to the police) . basically i would recommend checking it out and i think its very likely youd enjoy it but dont get too attached to it that you cant handle valid criticism because there is a LOT of valid criticism to be made

also ive heard stuff about ethics issues with the production company itself, im not really caught up on which parts of that are real and what the accepted appropriate ways to handle it are (like i said im not actively keeping up with tma anymore so i dont really know much about the good or the bad rn), but basically i wouldnt contribute to the the magnus protocol kickstarter (its got enough money as it is) and would instead support your favorite smaller podcasts instead (: theres loads to support if u wanna support a podcast financially!! blue mayfield (creator of camp here and there) in particular is struggling quite a bit, thats a good place to support (:

but again to wrap it all around this isnt a post dissuading you from listening i WOULD suggest you listen to it to understand what other people say about it in podcast spaces as well as because it genuinely has some really good creepy episodes and strong compelling characters w interesting dynamics and some really good examinations into themes like what it means to be human or the nature of fear and where it comes from . its definitely an enjoyable listen and one id recommend listening to at least once to anyone who wants to get into fiction podcasts and interact with the fanbase in any way!! i loved it in 2020 and i still adore many of the characters now (: i just have a lot of emotions about it lol im sure this is a way longer and more convoluted answer than you were hoping for whoops </3

[kateis-cakeis]

Hi! I am/was a neglected kid so i am semi on Fundy's side by default, which gives me a bias i am trying to break. And since i came to fandom later I was told a big reason Fundy apologists "dislike" Alivebur was the fact "I despise you" made Espionage Arc have no real payoff which I'm inclined to superficially agree. I was wondering if there were any vods youd reccomend i could watch to break my preconceived thoughts/bias?

Hi, Anon.

Here’s some vods at the timestamps that are probably important to watch (X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X). They show Alivebur as a father, and also him getting disowned, as well as the despise quote itself. 

But I’m gonna take your ask as an excuse to do some analysis, so hope you don’t mind!!!

I feel like I should tread carefully here since you said you are/were neglected but ummm...

Okay, so, in my eyes, Alivebur was the exact opposite to neglectful. If anything he was an overbearing and protective father who thought Fundy was far too young for any kind of power - hence why he never gave him any proper government position.

Here are a couple quotes where Alivebur mentions that Fundy is too young:

“That means you’ve got like a week till Fundy’s in charge of L’Manberg.” (Tommy)

“Nah, Fundy’s too young.” (Alivebur)

- (Wilbur’s video The Great War of the Dream SMP: 26:40)

and

“Don’t give him promotions he’s too young, he doesn’t understand.” - (Wilbur’s video Building the Resistance: 11:08)

This is likely because, as mentioned by Ghostbur, that around the time of the election, Fundy was fourteen. Which also means he was younger during the Independence War, and still fairly young at the beginning of the Pogtopia era.

Here’s the quotes:

“Last time I spoke to Fundy was… erm. When I announced I was running for President, and you said that you were also gonna run. That was the last time I remember.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:00:43, 27th Nov)

–

“He’s very young, he’s only like fourteen.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:03:12, 27th Nov)

–

“Phil, do you know how old Fundy is? I think he was very young when I remember, but I don’t know if he’s gotten older since.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:03:23, 27th Nov)

The implication here is that Ghostbur doesn’t know if Fundy has gotten older since he last remembers, but Ghostbur last remembers talking to Fundy at the election. 

This implies that the “He’s very young, he’s only like fourteen” means that Fundy was fourteen around the time of the election, but has gotten older since then, implied from Ghostbur asking Phil how old Fundy is. (If you wanna see more on this, here’s an analysis about the whole age thing)

With this in mind, it makes sense why Alivebur would baby Fundy and be overprotective, to the point where he gave him no responsibility. It comes from a good place, but Fundy didn’t like it all that much.

It seems with both Alivebur and Fundy, their relationship was good up until the exile. This is also further backed up by what Phil said about Alivebur being a good dad:

“Will, for good portion of your life, you were the best dad. You were great. But, at some point, you took a turn and... things got messy.” - (Wilbur’s Amangus with new and old friends: 1:59:37, 24th Nov)

That turn Phil is referring to? That’s Pogtopia, and something very notable happens with Alivebur and Fundy two weeks before Alivebur took that turn. 

See, Alivebur has a very justified reason in hating Fundy, it’s not for no reason, not at all (full analysis on that here). He’s justified because, Fundy disowned him:

“Wilbur is just a founder, and I was born here and nothing else. That’s literally everything there is to it.” (Fundy)

“But you know that’s not…” (Alivebur)

- (Wilbur’s techno and wilbur make cave better: 58:20, 23rd Sep)

We have no idea if this was just for show as a spy, or if this was legit, but no matter what Fundy’s intentions were, he disowned Alivebur when he was right there, and it contributed into breaking him. 

The paranoia Alivebur had in the latter half of Pogtopia? Part of it comes from Fundy. He literally claims to not even be related, at all. It’s not just disowning, it’s denying that Alivebur was ever his father. 

That’s bound to hurt and break Alivebur down, and not to mention, Alivebur was hurt when Fundy wasn’t on his side at the elections, so this is so much worse. 

After the above quote, Alivebur is silent for half a minute before saying this:

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Fundy. I don’t know who you are anymore…” - (Wilbur’s techno and wilbur make cave better: 59:08, 23rd Sep)

This is a major quote that gets overlooked. Alivebur thought he knew his son, but after he was disowned, he says this in a tone that seems as if he’s on the brink of tears. Losing Fundy like this hurt Alivebur deeply, but nobody ever takes it into consideration when talking about their relationship.

This is what makes Alivebur wholeheartedly believe that Fundy was on Schlatt’s side. And it definitely contributes to his paranoia. But what hurts the most, one of the quotes that matters the most, is when Alivebur, two weeks after the disowning, says Fundy was all he cared about in L’Manberg:

“Fundy, Fundy is very clearly on Schlatt’s side, look- Fundy was the closest thing I had to something I cared about in L’Manberg, when it all began. You know, when it started, the closest thing to anything I cared about was Fundy. Fundy was my, he was my, he was my boy! My rock! You know? And hearing what he said about L’Manberg and stuff is just… And when I heard him say that he had no care for me, I believe that. I think he’s so happy that he’s finally been given maturity in L’Manberg, you know. Like, Schlatt’s giving him the maturity he’s been craving, you know. And that’s cool. That’s fine. You know? I have no issue with that, he can do what he wants.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:44:10, 8th Oct)

Alivebur believed 100% that Fundy didn’t care about him, that breaks a parent no doubt. People act like Fundy never hurt Alivebur, and that he was unjust in his hatred but... that’s not true at all. Alivebur lost everything when his son betrayed him, because he had already lost his nation, his son was the last thing he had.

But Alivebur is also self-aware to why it happened, talking about how Schlatt gives him the maturity Fundy had wanted. He knows how his own actions and words had led to this, maybe even knowing he had hurt Fundy.

Which finally leads us onto the despise quote itself:

“Fundy, I despise you, you were my son and you just betrayed me. I have nothing to say to you.” (Wilbur’s The Meeting: Nov 6th, 35:55)

It’s not fair to take this quote out of context, like so many do. On its own, without everything else in mind, sure it looks bad, but with how Fundy hurt Alivebur, how it broke him, it makes a lot of sense. 

After weeks - possibly even years in the SMP timeline - of believing Fundy had betrayed him and wanted nothing to do with him, Fundy walks back into his life and reveals he’s a spy. Not only is Alivebur going to find it hard to trust that, but he’s also not going to forgive Fundy straight away. 

He had been hurt for weeks, if not possible years, of course he’s not just going to say he loves Fundy and move onto the plan. Yes, despise is a strong word, but look at the latter half of the quote. 

“You were my son and you just betrayed me.” - This is one of the most important parts but no one ever talks about it! It can be implied from this that Alivebur sees family as the strongest bond, since this line implies he wouldn’t have expected a betrayal from his own son. 

Which is why he despises him, which is why he as nothing to say to him.

Alivebur is a complex man, but pretty clear cut as a parent. He was overbearing, too protective, trying to keep his son from responsibility, from following in his footsteps in a leadership position that only caused Alivebur stress (and possibly caused his depression).

He’s a parent who thought he could rely on his son being on his side, only for his son to back his opposition at the debates, only for him to make his own party and then commit voter fraud (which you know like father like son in terms of rigging voting :P), only for him to stay in Manberg and cheer his father’s exile, only for him to disown him and claim he was never his father, only for him to reveal he was a spy wayyy too late.

It’s tragic, this relationship between them. Alivebur hurt Fundy by being overbearing no doubt, but he was never neglectful. The only time Alivebur had nothing to do with Fundy was after Fundy himself betrayed him. I think it’s rather harsh to say he had left him or neglected him with that in mind.

And ultimately, Fundy blames Alivebur for leaving him alone in the world. He still cared and missed him, and says himself that Alivebur left him when he needed him the most. But I also think that’s a bit harsh on why Alivebur died too, he didn’t do it to hurt Fundy, he did it to hurt himself.

Anyway... I hope this helps, Anon. I tried to be real sensitive but, I don’t know, you probably haven’t changed your mind anyway, people are pretty set in this fandom :P 

But I really care about this father/son relationship - in fact I talked about it for hours last night with a friend - so I feel like I can sometimes shine a new light on some of the facts :)

[relaxxattack]

me: *is about to go to sleep* *sees the ran and jackie classpect post* *rises from my bed and looks at the notes i have* well if i must <3 (warning this is long as hell im sorry KXNSKBS i spent. two hours on this. it is 2am in my timezone now)

jackie is a breath player through and fucking through. a focus on self satisfaction, finding a quest and going after it, being so focused on the positive that he can see a negative thing happen and go "oh well, thats unfortunate. anyways," (think how he hears that ran probably died and just went "aw i liked him" then just sort of. keeps going anyways. picks one thing to really dedicate himself to it and sticks to it, shows negative reactions when they happen but doesnt dwell on them (whether out of discomfort or something else). basically, jackie is all of tubbos breath influence without any of the space influence. accidentally winning just because he really was just that damn dedicated

classwise, jackie is.. a bit difficult to get a handle on, if only because hes very breath like, but at the same time while he seems unconcerned with the idea of losing ran, he still very much so *wants* ran. its that want of a connection, of even just one person to keep around, that takes away the possibility of jackie being a class that would make him detach himself from others at will. hes not a class that would make him desperate for someone to help him take a certain direction, really he seems to want to take others in the same direction he already chose. he also accepts being tethered to one place/thing, he just wants to have freedom w how he goes about it, and it seems like its been this way for a while. ssoooo i want to say witch of breath. manipulating breath or through breath. strong personalities, friendly but terrifying and a force to be reckoned with, knowing what they want and, if healthy, how to get it. often pulling others along for the ride. generally, jackies a healthy witch of breath. he wants someone to show the same freedom he has, but knows he has limits and tethers and works with them, and ultimately hes not too pressed when he cant get his way fully. generally- jackie knows whats going on and what to do about it, but hed rather have fun with it all and show others how fun it all is too

now. ran. this is unfortunately difficult because ran didnt get as much screentime as was planned. L. anyways aspectwise hes definitely one of the ones that thinks theres not really a meaning to life (think of how he just goes "well this place is going down anyways". he doesnt care what choices are taken, hes already real fuckin sure of the end result. cocky bitch). hes not one about facades or selves, bc its rather clear that his blunt and coolguy attitude is, kind of just him, and he doesnt seem interested in deconstructing how others work, just interested in seeing how events play out. i want to say that ran is either void, time, or doom. void fits rans secrecy and overall "irrelavance" (in the sense that he doesnt seem to have contributed anything, not really), but void players are more angsty about how things dont matter rather than accepting it. which leaves time and doom. ultimately, id say time. doom players arent cocky in the right way </3. also just, yknow, the whole possible time traveler ran thing, the drama, the bluntness, internalization, the end of things, fake deep metaphors, etc etc. does mean that there really has to be a focus on the right class to truly pin him down, because most classes when paired with time are more emotional than ran is

so.. rans class. after a lot of deliberation, my main two thoughts are either a maid or a page. however, page means that before the pit, ran didnt have a good grasp on his aspect and after a long while of self awareness training does now, while maid means that either before or during the pit he relies on others to define his aspect. either way, he has a good grasp on it, but its clear that hes not letting himself really be free with it. this is why i want to say maid, because pages are sort of like starting with a disadvantage and just continuing with it even though you could probably fix it if you really tried, but youd rather just focus on what you have and being the best at it. maids are about growing into what you could have. doing what theyre expected at first and getting their aspect from somewhere else. they dont like being passive, but its what gets them the best results, right? but what defines a maid is getting out of that stage, of standing up for themself and defining their aspect for themselves and getting it by themselves, stubborn and becoming powerful and often terrifying, almost more than a witch if they do it correctly. so, basically, rans an aradia kinnie, hes just in his aradiabot phase right now. if he let himself get past that stage though, i think hed be happy

so basic summary: jackie understands that he has limits and tethers and focuses on what freedom he does has, and wants to have someone to experience that freedom with, and is a witch of breath. ran is leaning into the whole "its all hopeless anyways" because those that he relies on define it as such, but he has the potential to be happy and reach his full potential if he just lets himself choose his own path for once (and one thats not unhealthy), and is a maid of time. ultimately its why they work well together, once jackie gets ran to choose to be free with him, theyll both be happy. jackies already at his full potential, and has the power to get ran to choose to reach his full potential as well. bada bing bada boom baby really shows how much absolute Bullshit goes into classpecting because with fuckin classpecting terms you really can squeeze the hell out of characters with 1-2 sentence blurbs of characterization at most. white boys have ruined my life, zayne -🎭🎪

OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE THIS IS SO GOOD

i will actually be stealing all of this for the fic, thank you so much oh my god. this is pretty much the only real good ran and jackie analysis to exist, im going to fucking scream and cry this is awesome

i hope you have SUCH a good sleep you deserve it

wow i cant express how thankful i am for this

(i find it really interesting that both ran and jackie seem to have an end-of-the-world-nothing-matters mindset, but different ways of going about that... genuinely can’t wait to explore that and then let them naturally develop, because hell yeah dude)

[kuroosdumbslut]

s/o who’s frustrated and falling into depression due to school

bakugou:

he kinda gets it

i mean, bakubro literally got kidnapped due to school and shit?

he’ll do his best to help you as best as he can

studies with you, quizzes you, brings you snacks and water, forces you to take breaks, all of it

oh my god if you start showing signs of depression around his more and more, he will literally make you call in sick for a few days and he might even call in a day or two to spend with you to try to make you feel even the tiniest bit better

the end of study day will probably end with cuddles and him stealing some your school shit to make sure you dont overwork yourself when he inevitably has to go back to his dorm room

boi is like “nah, im taking these textbooks and all your pencils and pens. i know how you are 🅱️” rip no late night work if he worked with you for the day

shigaraki

obviously youd be college age, but like,,,he would think its kinda dumb to be worrying about it so much.

like, he believes you wont need it cause obviously he can take care of you and when he takes over you wont wven need that stupid piece of paper!

...he wont tell you that directly tho, he’ll just pout when you study

hes probably playing games on silent or listening theough his headphones, but will turn his attention to you if he hears you mumbling in anger

shiggys like??? wtf has you so pressed, are you good? do i gotta kill something or someone?

but if he sees you crying out of frustration, he will make you stop what your doing and sit with him

lets be real, he sits you on his lap and traps you there

no but really, he worries about you in his own way, and while he cant really help with schoolwork, he CAN give you affection and attention

his offer still stands to kill someone tho

hawks

he gets it

god he fucking understands

will help you out the best he can, and if he cant he will (with your permission) hire you the best tutor he can find

also brings you snacks and shit, but in order to aquire said snacks you gotta pay his kiss toll (1 kiss for smaller snacks, 2-3 kisses for bigger snacks)

hes a dork, we been knew

oh my god when he makes you take breaks, he’ll put on like whatever show yall are binging together and will have to watch a minimum of 2 episodes before he lets you go study more

if he notices or if you tell him about how you’re starting to fall into a depression, he will PERSONALLY call your school and be like “yo i need (y/n) at my agency for a few weeks sorry chief”

one of the perks of being the no.2 hero

he wont be lying technically, you will be at the agency with him

you just wont be doing work. youll be helping him fuck with some of his colleagues

will 1000000% take you out flying for a while (as long as you arent afraid of heights)

soft birb

**due to me being back in classes from home, this is my contribution to bnha rn. 10000000000% self indulgent and prolly kinda shite but whtever**

[hollyhomburg]

Correct me if I’m wrong but in the Viking au Tae loves her the most doesn’t he🥺🥺

I think he definitly has the most immediate affection twords her like, the first time they ever properly talk he thanks her and tugs on her hair affectionately and just kinda- melts when he blushes. One of the things that drives him to get better quickly is to get to go and see her.

I have this vivid picture in my head of Taehyung and Namjoon walking around the compound (because tae needs to walk to exercise his legs but needs to have someone there who can hold him up if he falls and take him back to the pack house and honestly- Namjoon is glad to kill some time.) and they’re just discussing the reader- weather or not tae thinks that she belongs in their pack. And though Namjoon says “pack” in the larger sense of the compound, tae can sense that he also means “will she be a good fit with all of us” .

“She can be a bit gruff and rough is all, and though she’s not voilent anymore, I’m a little worried that she won’t be able to fit in” Taehyung knows Namjoon knows that he’s not talking purely about contribution like most pack alphas would. He wants this place, this compound to be one of harmony where all betas, alphas and omegas can live in peace. Namjoons hand remains firmly around taes waist as they walk down the uneven gravel path, makeing sure he Dosent fall.

Taehyung thinks back to your carful hands whiling back his hair when his fever had first started in the woods, the night that he hadn’t been sure he’d make it, how youd stayed up all through the night and hummed a lullaby next to him, the care you’d shown him when he’d been on his death bed and how much he owed to you- still owed to you now.

And he knows no matter what the others might see- that you have a hidden special softness for those who need you. That no matter how much your inner drive for survival might tell you to look out only for yourself- you still have a drive to care for others if they need you. “I think she’s a lot more caring then she lets anyone elce see” I think we need her- is what tae really wants to say. But Dosent.

Just as tae is finishing his statment they happen upon you surrounded by a gaggle of pups near some honey suckle bushes showing them how they can suck out the sweet nectar from the flowers, and they catch you smiling down at the small group of pups as they swarm the bush, laughing when they stumble over each other to reach the higher buds. How she moves to settle against a stump to sift through her baskets of herbs she must have been collecting when the pups had decided they where Interested in the newcomber.

they watch her with the smallest one, the runt of the whole litter and a small girl that still hasn’t spoken really yet. her parents had come to Namjoon asking for yoongis help at the beginning when she’d been born- worried there was something wrong with her when she’d been uncharteristly quiet for a pup almost 3 years old. But Yoongi hadnt been able to find anything wrong with her, and had assured the extream shyness would probably disappear with age.

Both of them watch as the small shy pup hobbles over to where you sit on a stump, two baskets of herbs- slowly destemming one basket and adding the small leaves to the other. “What do you have for me little one?” You asked holding out your hand, cooing and congratulateing her for the thick bright bloom heavy with nectar she’d found. Both of them feel their heart strings tug painfully when you let the little girl sit on your lap while you sort the herbs, her short chubby legs barely reaching your knees. Fiddling with the small flower and biting it to pieces in search of more sweetness.

Namjoon hums happily at the sight, something about it making his inner alpha perk up his ears in curiosity. Namjoon tells himself it’s natural to be a little fond of an omega that’s so good with pups- but a look at tae tells Namjoon that he’s equally as smitten, Tae even sets a hand over his heart “fuck that’s adorable” leaning into Namjoon more heavily. One of the Youngers must hear something and turns abruptly yelling out “uncle Taetae!!! You’re back!!!”

And suddenly the two alphas are happened upon by the gaggle of pups, all but the small one remaining put in your lap however, your head shoots up, and though you don’t smile, they can tell by the tone of your voice that you’re happy to see them. “Are you feeling better tae?” you ask when Namjoon leads tae over to sit on the soft bed of clover with you. His lap quickly occupied by two pups. “Much, thanks to you”

Namjoon stands a little awkwardly, until one of the pups grabs his hand and leads him over to the honey scull bushes- intent on using the alphas hight and sweet disposition to their advantage.

They end up spending the day like that until Namjoon has to get back to work at the main house, tae lying down and helping you sift the herbs once he bugs you into letting him, Namjoon preoccupied with the pups. And the whole day is kinda what seals the deal a little- the first day that makes you see that Namjoon must not be like other alphas- especially if he’s so sweet to pups that aren’t his own.

Tae is the one that falls In love with her first, and it starts that late summer day by the honeysuckle.

[hopeless-succubus69]

Safe And Sound {Part 1}

{Intros aren't needed yet, I'm here to contribute fanfics to my favorite ship in apex legends. I’ll let you know who I am later, it’s not too important. I hope others like this ship as much as I do, please enjoy.} 

{Safe and Sound} 

{Fluff and Possible Smut in the future}

{Crypto} {Wraith}

{Tae Joon Park} {Renee Blasey} 

{1268 words}

•───────•°•❀•°•───────• 

A heavy sigh escaped Renee's lips as she walked into the common area of the barracks the Apex Games provides their legends. She shook her head as she looked around, walking down the corridors. Her clouded eyes glancing to every dark corner and shadows. The dim lighting made her feel uneasy, but there were no voices for now, she shook her head.  

She proceeded into the living room the legends shared, Octane had left his game system on again.  He was not surprisingly, passed out on the couch. Renee sighed at the mess he had left around the room. A sigh escaped her lips, her arms crossed as she looked around the room.

She shook her head again, waking to turn the console and the T.V off before she made her way into the kitchen, picking up trash from Octane's mess along the way. She looked around the kitchen for a moment, tossing the trash away.  

It was late, she wasn’t expecting any of the others to be awake. She was more than sure they were all taking steps to prepare themselves for the upcoming games. She should probably be doing the same.  

She shook her head, now noticing the kitchen was in as much a mess as the living room was left in. She sighed, then as quietly as she could, she started to clean up.  

She decided to clean up Octane's mess in the common room first. She walked back out, picking up the dishes. She paused herself, looking to his sleeping form. She rolled her eyes, covering him with a blanket before continuing with the dishes.

She hummed softly, her mind focusing on the dishes she was cleaning. She did her best to keep her mind from traveling back to her past and getting lost in the void once again. The dark circles under her eyes were a clear indication she hadn't slept in a while.  

The stress build up from the week before hadn't caught up with her just yet, but she could feel the beasts fangs at her throat.  It weighed at her shoulders, slightly slowed her movement, clouded her judgement and made her mind wander in a direction that was harmful; to her and those around her.  

'Behind you.'

She jumped slightly as the voices interrupted her thoughts. She started to turn around, her hands instinctively reaching for the kunai she always kept strapped to her hip, when she felt arms wrap around her waist and a face bury to the back of her neck. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she had calmed down.

"Sneaking up on me like that isn't safe." Renee spoke softly, her hands slowly going back to washing the dishes as she relaxed, slightly leaning back against her partner. All the worry seemed to disappear when he was close by.  

"I can't help it." Tae spoke softly, his lips gently peppering soft kisses against her neck. "I didn’t know youd be back today."

"The games are in a couple days.. I have to get some training done before then."  

He seemed to pout at those last few words which caused a chuckle to escape Renee's lips. She rinsed off the last few dishes then dried her hands off. She took a few steps back away from the counter, Tae mirrored her movements.  

He reluctantly loosened his arms around her as she turned around to face him. He watched her as her hand reached up to caress his cheeks. A light blush crossed his cheeks as he felt her touch. His hands slowly reached up to take her hands as he turned to kiss her palms.  

A soft smile formed on her lips as she let him kiss her hands, a heavy weight coming over her. She looked away from him, her eyes suddenly feeling more sore and tired then they were before. She cursed silently to herself, knowing she had overworked herself again.  

"When was the last time you slept?" Tae guided her hands around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him.  

She chuckled nervously, hiding her face against his chest. She closed her eyes, leaning against her partner. She hummed softly, the voices had started up again. She really was exhausted, wasn’t she? She shook her head, pressing her cheek tighter to his chest. Her hands moving to gently grip onto his shirt.  

'I didn’t think I was.."  

"Shhh" Tae spoke quietly to her. "I am here for you." His hand slowly reaching up to pet her head gently. His fingers slowly untangling her bun and running through her hair.

He gently leaned to kiss her forehead as his hands slowly slid down her body to pick her up and wrap her legs around his waist. Her arms moved to wrap back around his neck as he picked her up.  He carried her back out of the kitchen and to the living room. His eyes wandered around the room for a moment.

Octane was still passed out on the couch, Tae clicked his teeth rolling his eyes before he continued to take his lover up to bed. He hummed softly, hoping at least the sound of his voice would help distract her from the bombardment of voices she was experiencing at the moment. A mild look of concern grew on his face as she tightened her arms around his neck, subtle groans and whimpers escaping her lips.

Tae watched as the doors sensor blinked then let him and Renee in He made a mental not to change the sensor to a scanner later. His hands still firmly holding the skirmisher as he walked in. He locked the door behind them, walking over and gently setting her down on his bed. A slight whimper escaped her as she curled herself up. A slight frown formed on his lips as he gently tended to her, removing her shoes and helping her into more comfortable clothing.  

Renee curled herself up, reaching to pull his blanket over her, clutching one of his pillows to her chest. The rush of voices caused a very harsh migraine to come over her, the pain seemed to immobilize her exhausted and weak form.  Tae knew the signs all too well. Any other person would have written it off as her being quiet or tired, but not him. He was the only one who was able to see through her facade, the cover she put up for everyone else. She ever only truly felt safe with him by her side, that’s where she was comfortable enough to show her weaknesses.  

Tae looked over her quivering form for a few moments, getting up to change into a pair of sweats before he moved closer to her. His hands gently pulled her to his chest, holding her as gently as he could, as if she were made of glass. Her whimpers slowly subsided as she coddled herself to his chest, the soft skin of her cheek pressing to his bare chest. His warmth enveloping her as she took him in, his presence, his scent, his touch. Everything helped to calm her and the void within.  

Renee was soon able to fall asleep in his arms, her hands were now wrapped around his waist lightly. Her body fit perfectly with his , his arms fit beautifully around her. His arms tightened around her gently as he leaned down slightly to kiss her forehead. His eyes lingered on her, taking her curled up in his arms. Her resting expression calmed his nerves and worries.  

" 넌 내 공주여 안전 해."  

[kendrixtermina]

Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet