#but. it's stressful for me. going out and hanging out with ppl and doing something out of the house EVERY day stressful for me

[dickggansey]

i wish my best friend would understand that what helps them feel better doesn't necessarily helps me the same way. i wish they wouldn't keep pushing me to do things that aren't helpful for me. bc i know they just want to help me, i know they're being kind bc they care about me. but we just work differently, but i don't wanna dismiss their help :/

[annabannnananana]

⚡️ glam freddy x reader hcs! 🎩

wordcount: 682 — gn!reader — tws: none — a/n: reblog if ur a glam fred stan and this man makes u go absolutely feral and climbing up the walls and foaming at the mouth— err…. i mean…... reblog if u think this dudes cool

gentle giant - hes 7.8 ft tall cus i Said So >:)

ok but he is absolutely the sweetest guy u will ever meet. literally. hes so sweet and kind and caring he treats u so well omg he js hhhhhh

he cares ab u sm and when i say he cares he C A R E S, he loves u with all his heart, u literally mean the world 2 him <3

always checking on u and complimenting u, always making sure ur doing good and feeling good and always helping u with every single little thing whether u need his help or not, js bc he loves u and he wants to do every little thing he possibly can to make u happy <333

he does actually tease u a lil bit tho, esp since 2 him ur like rlly tiny (since most ppl are like 5-6 ft tall and freddys almost 8 ft lmao) bc he js finds u so cute when ur annoyed and he js cant help poking a lil fun at u!! :p

he would never ever ever ever ever ever E V E R try to hurt u tho, and if he ever did he would just feel so terrible, he just wouldnt be able 2 live with himself, hes always making sure he isnt crossing any boundaries or making u uncomfy in any way at all and he always needs to be 100% sure ur happy and healthy and comfy and content or else he literally just cant live with himself. hes a lil dramatic but he loves u :)

he loves picking u up and carrying you everywhere. he knows u can get around just fine on ur own but he just loves holding you and cuddling you sm he thinks ur the most precious lil angeland he wants to hold u and keep u safe in his arms wherever u go <33333

C U D D L E S. listen to me rn. this man gives the BEST cuddles u have EVER experienced in ur life. no man in the whole world gives better bear hugs and cuddles than freddy. his body is just so warm and soft and strong, and u fit in his arms so comfortably and perfectly, that when he holds u its like being personally transported 2 heaven fr

he loves when u come and cuddle with him after a long day and u just treat him like your own personal stress ball, squeezing him so hard and melting into his arms, it just makes him feel so good and so so so happy that he can make you so happy <33

VERY protective of u, almost in a fatherly way (but he is in no way ur father figure dont take this the wrong way ur not in love with ur father figure i s w e ar —)

u guys have the cutest pet names 4 each other!! ur a precious lil angel 2 him, so he calls u “love/angel/baby/darling” as well as some more personal nicknames like “superstar/star/starlight” :)

goes out of his way, even to the point of missing stage shows, to find u & hang out with u esp if its the only time of day u will get to see each other or if he knows u’ve had a particularly rough day and rlly need someone to hug <3

when hes onstage performing he always winks/waves/smiles right at u, and as soon as hes done he always jumps off the stage, walks right up to u, and gives you the biggest hug and says something along the lines of “so my love, did you enjoy the show?” <3

his love language is acts of service fs, hes always doing lil stuff for you, giving you lil gifts and helping u w lil tasks and just doing everything he can to make sure ur happy and make sure u know he loves u more than anything in the whole world!! (this man is so sweet ong u better treat him right /hj)

[iamthecomet]

So hear me out!

As a fandom, we LOVE putting Dew through the wringer. Many ppl write his character as emotionally complicated and fucked up. Little guy had a hard past and does not deal well with feelings nor does he always have healthy coping mechanisms.

We have all seen fics where he deals with his shit through self harm/substance abuse, subspace, anger, age regression, animal regression, disassociation, etc.

And maybe this idea has been written before...but maybe not-

What if instead of all of the other mentioned stuff that he used to do...now that he's older he just finds it easier to go a little feral for a while in order to cope? It's natural ghoul behavior anyway. Like, when stuff starts to builds up and he stresses out badly...he starts to show the signs - he gets bitchy, distant... but now, instead of falling into a deep depression or setting shit on fire he reverts to full mindless feral pit beast?

He wanders off naked, into the woods for a few days. He eats deer and birds and bugs and stuff, crawls around in the dirt for a while until it blows over and he feels better.

And at first, everyone's kind of like "Oh shit, Dew's gone feral!" But then they realize that it's actually better than him doing all of that self/property/relationship destructive stuff or actually hurting a sibling, so they just kind of let him go and do his thing? Because they know that it will run its course and he'll come back after a week or two.

Maybe the clergy sends out an abbey-wide email announcing that there's a" feral ghoul in forest B so stay out of there for a while until it leaves the vicinity". And they put up some warning signs so people don't go out on those trails or near where he's been spotted. Kind of like how they do it in Yellowstone park or something when there's a bear or a cougar spotted near a trail so people stay off of the trail.

Anyway, that's my thought!

Gremlin

#goneferal #feralasacopingmechanism

I am so into this! It's so much easier to just walk away sometimes. To just let all the shit he's been bottling up loose in his true form. Just letting go. Slipping free of humanity in order to get his head on straight again.

It happens a few times a year, before and after tours when he's the most stressed out. I like to think sometimes others join him. Mountain will slip into his true form and just sort of hang out with him at a safe distance if Dew will tolerate it. Sometimes Aether too. They check on him, mostly just making sure he hasn't hurt himself, or wandered too close to a town or anything. But mostly he's left alone, to his own devices, to work it out on his own.

Sometimes they'll get caught up in it with him. It feels good to let go. And yeah, Siblings definitely get periodic email updates. Stay away from the eastern swamps. Don't go into the southern pine grove.

He absolutely comes back covered in dirt and scratches, hair greasy. Eyes dull and exhausted. And docile. He lets himself be ushered into a bath. He's pliable, longing for attention, his voice soft and quiet from disuse.

He stays in his room for a few days after, sleeping it off, picking at the food the others bring him. But once the exhaustion is gone he's back to his normal self again. The whole thing is a little stressful for everyone, but far less stressful than when he used to throw tantrums in the abbey, so no one is about to ask him to stop.

[eirian]

so me and eden talked about it and ive decided to take a sort of internet break with her, just for a week or so. i hate hate hate being so dependent on the internet (particularly social media) for both entertainment and socialization and i feel like being online so much and relying on it for SO LONG (since i was maybe 11?) has really been detrimental to my mental health. and since ive made rent for this month i feel like now is a good time to just step away for a bit.

i still unfortunately rely on the internet for my livelihood--i HAVE to take commissions in order to make rent, provide food, etc, so i wont stop posting art or taking commissions! i'll just be less social i guess. i wont make any posts or reblog anything, i'll just be posting art and contacting ppl abt commissions.

i want to spend more time with my wife. i want to go outside more. i want to hang out with irl people more (i literally have no irl friends). i want to go to meetups. i want to disconnect from the internet so bad i HATE relying on it as much as i do. i mean this so unironically i want to touch grass again

im ngl. i also talked w eden about possibly starting up an irl small business for my art--something along the lines of basically being a caricature artist again, but this time self employed. i'd have my own brand and go to parties and draw people, and volunteer at the local children's hospital sometimes too and draw the hospitalized kids. im honestly just trying to think of ANY job that would help me ease up on being so reliant on social media for income, if possible, that would still be fun for me and not absolutely kill my mental health like my previous irl jobs did. dont get me wrong i love drawing yalls ocs! but i cant charge as much as i should be b/c i dont have enough of a following/demand, so i have to take a lot of commissions before im able to make a decent living. it sucks.

if i could charge more to where i only had to take maybe 3 commissions a month in order to make rent, thatd be ideal. id still love to do commissions for a living! i love drawing your blorbos and i honestly dislike the idea of going back to caricature art--its not my passion by a longshot and its very stressful to do live art so quickly. but im just trying to think of anything to help at this point u_u i cant get on ssi b/c then we wouldnt be able to use my bank account for income and we'd basically have No Money To Do Anything Freely Anymore. so i gotta just. stick with what im doing. IDEALLY id be able to take commissions and post art while not being necessarily Active on social media anymore, but idk how to make that work just yet or if thats even a thing i could do..

anyway. TL;DR im going to take a semi-break from social media/the internet for about a week, but i'll still post art + take commissions + accept messages from close friends on discord. i want to HEAL, man

[my-castles-crumbling]

Cas babe, I'm royally fucked. The drama that is surrounding me rn is so fucking unreal.

So let me start from the very beginning, so I m a 16 yr old girl and i hv this really close guy friend let's call him J, so J and I have been friends since forever, like I don't even remember when I first met him. I have known him since I was born , like I have never known a life without J. And i love him like a brother.

Ok so fast forward a few years and now we're both 16, and we met this girl, Lottie she was a transfer student and we ( J , Lottie and I) had a few classes together. And slowly we develop a friendship.

Now the thing is that J has a crush on Lottie and he told me as soon as he realised it and me being the great friend that I am have subtly been wingwomaning him .

So, last week after English class (only Lottie and I have this class) , Lottie asked me out. Yeah, and I'm straight af but I'm an ally. So I was like what? But she was like i thought u were queer coz u give very strong queer vibes which is kinda true because I have a MAJOR crush on lily Rose depp and i hv always said that she could run me over with her car and I'd thank her and beg her to fuck me, (yeah I have issues.) And I also have bi friend who i jokingly call my wife bcoz when she came out ppl were being very homophobic and i thought that was the only way to support her. (i was 14 ok i don't judge me)

So back to Lottie I wa obviously s so very awkward I was like ohhh. And i told her in the politest way i could manage that I m straight af (bcoz i am) and I'm kinda flustered that she has a crush on me bcoz she is really pretty. And she got very embarassed and started apologising and I was like no no it's fine , it's totally fine. Yeah but she also kinda requested me not to tell anyone else that she's a lesbian bcoz she's not out to everyone, and I was like Of course .And now she has been trying to avoid me for the few days which anyone in her position would do tbh, so I don't blame her for that.

Ok so now bcoz Lottie is avoiding me she's also avoiding J by extension coz we both r usually hanging out together. So i already told u that J has a crush on Lottie so he was obviously not happy that she was avoiding us and i couldn't tell him why bcoz OBVIOUSLY.

And a little note abt my best friend he is extremely fucking extra , he is the biggest drama queen in the world like Sirius Black level of drama. So now his dumbass decided that he will ask Lottie out, and bcoz he is so fucking extra abt everything he is thinking of using the help of his teammates ( he's on the football team) to ask her out after the football match next Friday.

And in trying to convince him that he should not do it, but when he asks why i don't have any solid reason because it's not my place to tell him abt Lottie. So he's really planning everything to make the proposal perfect, and I'm stressing tf out.

I love J and i don't want to see him get hurt bcoz obviously Lottie is gonna say no, and on top of that it would be kinda humiliating bcoz the entire school and another school would be there. And I'm also worried that Lottie will think that I did this in purpose to embarrass her so now I'm stuck in a huge fucking dilemma.

And ngl I find this situation extremely fucking hilarious BCOZ WHAT IN THE WATTPAD LEVEL OF SHIT IS THIS? IS THIS SITUATION EVEN REAL? LIKE DOES THIS KINDA SHIT EVEN HAPPEN IRL???

pls help me bcoz I don't know what tf I'm going to do and i hv to do something before Friday or 😭😭😭.

omg I have to say- the way I was literally gasping throughout this story because...wow

So first, I want to say I think you were really sweet with Lottie. It sounds like you're a super kind person, and a wonderful ally <3

Honestly, I would probably talk to Lottie (if possible) and tell her that J is about to ask her out in front of the entire school, and ask her if it's okay for you to tell him that she's simply not interested. The reason I think this is the best option is because, either way Lottie will find out about J's feelings, so you can't really prevent that. This way, you're preventing embarrassment for both Lottie and J. Also, you're possibly protecting Lottie from attention by telling J you just "heard Lottie is not interested" because that doesn't out Lottie. AND even if J doesn't listen to you, you've helped by both preparing Lottie for what will happen and by sort of...introducing J to the idea that she's not interested.

So yeah. I think this is your best bet.

Keep me updated, I'm dying to know what happens!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: caring anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[dandyshucks]

realizing i wanted to ask - how did u first fall in love w/ guzma (irl) ? :o (@dmclr)

ougghh (/happy) Clara you always ask such good questions omg 🫶

umm... okay so. i should give a general "abuse CW" label i guess fjfkdl but I'll keep it vague and to a minimum of mention! also putting it below the cut because I RAMBLED SO MUCH, SORRY IN ADVANCE

tumblr kind of went crazy for the guy when the anime finally introduced him in 2019 (it took SO long to get to him, over 100 episodes in the su/mo arc 😭) and at first i didnt think much of him rly, but then somehow eventually (a few months later) i found out through osmosis that he's got trauma going on and my ears kind of perked up a bit LOL

(underwater just to set it apart from the rest of the post so it doesnt blend in and get confusing fndkdl) screenshot of the post i rbed where i first mentioned liking him fdsjkl

around the same time, i was having some realizations about my own experiences with childhood and family etc, and there was some other stuff going on in my life (also. the plague started so uh. that too.) that was just kind of culminating in like. A Lot of stress and fear and stuff. so seeing this character who has experienced somewhat similar things was ... comforting in a way? shared experience or something, idk. plus I've always been a sucker for misfit archetype characters, especially if they make a little family out of other misfits :')

another big part of the intrigue (because my crushes always start with a sort of 👀 phase fdsjkl, I have to think somebody is interesting in some way and want to find out More about them, and then feelings develop from there) for me was just the fact that he was Angry. like... the way I've personally learned to deal w abuse has been to always be meek and fawn. so seeing someone who went in the opposite direction, to become angry and strong and defiant instead, was SO fascinating to me and I was very curious to learn more about him.

so I looked into him more, loved what i found, related to him a bit, accidentally by some random occurrence stumbled upon some bf audios of him somehow??, wished he were real so we could hang out, thought about how I'd act around him and started to feel a little flustered about it ... it's all downhill from there once u reach that point smh 😔😔 (/silly)

for a long time i didn't really fully step into s.elfship territory w him - i dabbled a little but he wasnt The Focus™ in my brain yet. also we (as a system) have had a host change since then, so there was a previous juno that was not Me (even though we kept the same main name between us two parts), and they didn't like the guy as much as Current Me does djfkdl - theres also some ... relatively significant personality differences between the two versions of Juno, so I think Juno2.0 (me) meshes with him a lot better now than Juno1.0 did in 2020/2021

and then last year, i found and joined the s.elfship community and um. I absolutely did not mean for him to become The Main Guy and never would've guessed he would be, but... well,, we dont always plan things i suppose, feelings just happen 😭

anyways. it maybe seems kind of messed up but his ~tragic backstory~ is what drew me in initially bc it helped me feel less alone and scared when i was Going Through some pretty major shit lol. and then after that, i just kind of took the character base that pkmn had in place and ran with it to build on it and sort of make my own version of him that I could be friends with and eventually fell in love with ^^;;

TL;DR it was a mix of timing, similar history of abuse, intrigue bc of our opposite reactions to the abuse, and um... the way he is like,, strong and builds a safe place for other young ppl who feel unsafe or not accepted in general society fdsjkl

i get embarrassed talking abt it bc ppl seem to really hate it when abuse victims are weak in any way and need help, but ... i do really like that he is strong in some ways and would be able to give me a sort of safe place to let my guard down and receive help and care (as shown by the way he provides a safe place for the grunts, all the misfits and outcasts of Alola) ^^;;;; honestly kind of a Big part of it for me (and for pretty much all my s.elfship dynamics) is that he is able to protect me and care for me, because I have not like. experienced that ever. at least not properly. when your parents are the ones being abusive, you not only do not experience protection and care but you're also being actively hurt in some way by the people who are supposed to keep you safe. so to be freely given care and safety is kind of crazyyyy to me LOL, that is something i like a lot about him :')

OKAY RAMBLE OVER. i really tried to keep this as short as i could but,, brevity is not a strength of mine (esp when it comes to him) LOL. THANK YOU for the question !!! its fun to look back at how it all happened tbh :]

[bluenightcomedies]

uuuugh i keep procrastinating cuz i wanna make new refs n' arts n' all for us all but art slow so fuggit placeholder pinned abt the system better pinned with comm details, other accs, etc later :3 will reopen for commissions once arty verifies me! as a whole we're legally deaf and disabled! we can all draw but have diff styles/preferences :3 body is 30 (eugh i don't like admitting that) so am adult BUT we don't wanna be involved in nsfw art so pls respect that⭐ We can't get a formal diagnosis due to various real life issues, so we're not going to claim any particular diagnosis, but we can't exactly ignore the symptoms and stay masked forever. We're going to stay out of syscourse as much as possible, of course. 🌙 each alter has an assigned emoji so ppl can tell us apart easier if needed, use em as our tags too (when we remember) note- using they/them for any of us fine too!⭐

(doesn't include alters that rarely or never front) ⭐star emoji = Blue! she/her pls~ guess i'm the honorary host cuz i front most. uhhh... nothing rly too fancy i can say abt myself, i'm p affectionate and love y2k art and hanging out, i try to be as nice as i can >w< my art's usually sketchbooky, with thin lines and soft colors/shading!

💠this blue gem/flower emoji is Azure! she/her, she's kinda new to the system. looks n' acts a lot like me but uh... more childish i guess? very silly, very 'cringe culture is dead'. loves to rp, say silly things, n' cling to people. hyperfixates on Dot Hack (RIP) her art looks like mspaint x3 🌙 (Writing for myself since I'm available.) The name's Lune, hence moon emoji, and I use she/her pronouns as well. Formerly "Starry" but people kept confusing me with Blue due to her star symbolism. Used to be the designated mask, I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore... Sometimes I re-mask out of habit so if something sounds like me but wasn't marked as an alter, it probably is me. I have a flat tone and chronic paranoid anxiety so uh... Let me know if I come across as rude, I usually don't mean to. I enjoy doing research and organizing information, so I'm often the one to fact-check things or find guides and how-to's for the system. My art's very bold and colorful, and friends describe it as 'angular'. Clashes with my personality, huh? 🗝️key emoji = Sylverwynd! he uses he/him! he's super laid back and chill, i've never seen him upset or anything, but he's rly long-winded talks... kinda poet-y? he loves reading and talking abt lore and myths so he'll pop in if ur talking abt something he likes or if he has trivia 2 share! fave genres r horror n' fantasy he's still experimenting w/ style but likes drawing rly soft

❌cross emoji= Laceburner! it/its or they/them pronouns! tbh i'm not used to it/its pronouns but Lace wanted em; it's very uh... emotionally empty i guess? aroace, agender, can't socialize or empathize v well. it usually fronts when the rest of us are tired or in pain cuz it just ignores all that. likes 2000's scenemo aesthetics though which is surprising but ye idk how to describe its style, but it's trying to mimic emo art n' likes bright colored lines with dark bg/colors 🗡️the dagger is Kal! he/him pronouns, he gets angry and stressed abt things really easy but he gets too hostile abt it so he tries to not front too much; need to find him a way to de-stress n' chill out... when he's not mad at smth he's a good sympathetic listener imo, still swears and talks all rough tho hasn't drawn much yet but does rly harsh lines and fast/messy sketches when he does (and gets riled up by mistakes =w=;)

❤️heart is Weiss! genderfluid, goes by any pronouns, usually uses whatever they like at the time x3 has a hard time fronting but tries to. flirty, loves dumb jokes, overly confident... (we worry they'd get us in trouble sometimes cuz the shit they want to say) loves demon and monster-related stuff! still experimental style but uses bold colors and thick rough lines a lot, may get suggestive (forbidden from outright nsfw, don't ask >:c) btw ur always welcome to direct asks @ someone specific >w< we just might take a while to respond

[shuniverse]

stay with me? ,,| m.iksb

🖋️ so excited to put out my first dgrp ask, requested by the lovely anon <3 hope this was ok!

💌 gn!reader ;; reader is sick and misses mukuro so they convince her to stay instead of helping junko ;; mukuro is a bit of a softie in this <3 ;; sickness of the reader not specified but mentions of throwing up ;; cursing / swearing ;; fluff + light angst(?)

🫶 ;;

mukuro grabs her things together, stuffing her weapons and such into her roughly textured bag. she really needs to leave, or she knows junko’s gonna have her ass for dinner. she doesn’t need more on her plate, everything is stressful and a lot-

til she hears your quiet voice from the hallway, and that’s when she knows she’s really in trouble. the thing is, mukuro has such a difficult time saying no to you, but when it comes to junko? things are a little different.

don’t get her wrong, mukuro adores you and loves you to no end, but junko.. it’s a super complicated situation. she could be hanged if she slips up just the slightest, have a hand grenade thrown at her for saying the wrong thing, have a knife repeatedly attempting to stab her for not doing something right. it’s always a fine line with junko, but mukuro has had to do it for years.

it’s customary.

but she feels so genuinely despaired when you walk up to her, bare feet padding against the hard wood floor.

“mu-mu..? where are you going..?”

your sleepy voice makes her frown softly. “ah, sorry darling, did I wake you? I’m just leaving to go see junko-“

“her? mu-mu, you can cancel just one night can’t you..? please?”

she sighs heavily, and reaches out to pet your cheek with her calloused hand. “love, I.. I don’t..”

“c’mon, mu-mu she’s so dangerous and I.. I hate that you still hang around her and help her. she’s not worth your time and she’s.. she’s using you. besides.. I don’t wanna be alone tonight, mu-mu. I might throw up if you’re gone again tonight. please stay mu-mu.”

your words made her almost tear up. almost. it’s hard to get her to cry anymore, but you seem to be the only one that gets her close to it. she sighs once more, setting her bag down and turning to you. “love, I don’t.. I can’t, honey, I.. she needs me and-“

“no she doesn’t! she can do everything she wants, and you’re stuck being some loyal little puppy. mu-mu, please please stop caring so much about her, let her deal with her stuff on her own. you mean too much to me to see you get hurt, much less by her.. please mu-mu, I need you tonight, stay with me. please?”

your strong pout, the small little tears pricking your waterline. she’s teetering on the edge of giving in. but she knows there could be consequences.

but she thinks, for the first time, fuck consequences. I’ve been having to do what she says like a mutt for years on end. what can’t she do that somehow I have to do for her? she almost ended the world. she did end the world. she can do things on her own.

she nods, with another strong sigh, and a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“okay,” she says, wrapping you up in her arms, “I’ll stay with you, love.”

and at that, you’re dragging her back to bed, and she’s fast to fall asleep in your arms. but not before taking a picture of the two of you, and finally gaining the confidence to tell her sister something she should’ve a long time ago.

fuck you. do it yourself

*one image attached*

;;

hii!! hope you enjoyed 🫶

I had fun writing this, im hoping ppl send in more Danganronpa requests, I enjoy writing them! but before you do, pls read my rules!! ty 🫰

stay safe lovelies, feel free to like and reblog, it’s greatly appreciated <3

[radidadood]

A Good Listener

Pairing: 2003!Leo x GN!Reader (relationship not established/crush)

Summary: Leo come by to your apartment to vent.

Genre: Angst with good ending. Fluff. Unrequited love?

A/n: tis is my first tmnt oneshot, been binging 2k3 tmnt and tis idea came in. Sorry for any grammar error, not a native eng speaker here. I put colour code at the dialogues cuz i heard some ppl actually hv problem with these so as usual Leo is blue while reader is green. Enjoy! (Also I didn't expect it to be long-)

Masterlist

Tonight was quiet as always except the buzzing street on the city of New York. You were in the kitchen making some midnight snacks but apparently your stomach said it wasn't enough so here you are, cooking your favorite meal.

The music you put on full volume from your phone filled in your apartment, but not too loud to disturb the neighbours. You swayed your hips and bopped your head at the rhythms, occupying yourself to erase your boredom.

Meanwhile a certain turtle in blue landed on the fire escape outside your window.

He peaked inside the window to look around for you, only to get a clear sight of you jabbing your invisible opponent with your spoon. He smiled to himself.

He then knocked the window to get your attention. Which you did immediately as you stopped your antic and rushed to the window, spoon still in hand.

You open the window and greeted him, "Hey." "Hey." he greeted back. You two stood there for like a couple second, looking at anywhere but at each other.

Leaning your arm to the window to balance yourself. "You.. saw nothing... right?" you spoke slowly. "Except seing you battling ghosts with your 'weapon' I guess not. Need help with that?" He teased, pointing at your hand. You look at the spoon then back at him and pulled a smirked, decided to play along, "Nah, I got it covered. With my superior weapon I shall defeat these ghost thyself." Pretending to stand straight and hold your 'weapon' to your chest. He chuckled at your behavior. You joined him then stepping backwards for him to come in.

You close the window before you and went back to the kitchen with Leo behind you. "Smells nice." He commented. "Yeah, I'm stress eating." You half joked.

You went back doing whatever you were making as you both continue to chat, "So, how things going?" "Fine, actually. Me and the boys just done with patrol. Figured I could stop by and hang with you for a bit. Hope that's okay with you." Your head turned at his direction, "Dude, I literally just let you in. Don't take too much pressure, you know you guys are always welcome." "Yeah, just making sure..." his voice trailed off while looking around your apartment.

You however seem to notice, as he sit there quietly at the dining table fidgeting his fingers while trying to think of another topic. But before he could open his mouth you beat him to it.

"Hey... You okay?... Did something happen back there?... Anything that still bothers you now?" You said above whisper. Letting him know that you're not pressuring him to spill it all out on you. "Well, I..." he started.

Not turning around, your back facing him as you waited for his response. Then you heard him sighed.

"Just now... we- I had an argument with my brothers." You nodded as he stopped to think of the right sentence. "Nobody's hurt badly but... well maybe in the inside as some would say." Nodding again, agreed at his words. "It started off with Raph ignoring my plan and orders so he just went off on his own. Apparently his plan was convinced by Donnie and Mikey better. Thought that mine was a booger." Your silently chuckled at his choice of word but quickly turn back to serious mode.

"I followed them of course. Nothing went badly. We kicked butts and save the day, thanks to Raph I suppose. But I couldn't just somewhat let his decision slide y'know? He could've got hurt. Donnie and Mikey could've got hurt and it will be my fault!" he accidentally raised his voice at the last sentence. He cleared his throat and mumbled a 'sorry'. You let out a soft 'it's okay' and gestured him to continue.

"When we were on our way Raph ignored me again when I called out his name. I yelled at him for his sudden actions and told him the consequences if things went downhill. He didn't budge. Said that they all would've been better off without me. I tried to prove him wrong but I thought... would I really wanna do that? Would I actually risk that to happen just for some silly disagreement?... Eventually, I gave up. Saying maybe he was right after all and so... they all went home and here I am." Finally looking up from his hands to face you as he finished.

Now, leaning on the stove that already turned off, food completely abandoned. You looked at him with a worried face while having your arms crossed.

Before silent could take over he spoke immediately, "S-sorry! I didn't mean to give you such burden to hear about my problems. I know that you already got too much to handle with your lives and-" "Hey". He stopped when you cut him off.

"You came here, from my window, sitting on my table and have the balls to worry about my life..." He froze on his spot, confused at your sudden stern voice as you make your way around the table to get closer at him. He gulped when you stopped just few inches in front of him.

Then what you did took him by surprise. You threw your arms around him and pulled him into a tight yet gentle embrace. "...don't you dare apologize." His eyes widened but immediately returned the action as he close his eyes and let his body relaxed in your arms.

You rubbed his shell while closing your eyes as well. Man, you both could stay like this forever. If only any of you knew...

He left out a tired sigh, still not pushing you away. Neither did you so you hold each other, waited for him to say anything.

"Don't get me wrong, I love each one of them. Raph, Donnie, Mikey. I love my brothers. And Master Splinter. I also love April and Casey. And I love you... so much. You guys are my family." You could feel him tightened the embrace, squeezing you as if afraid of letting you go. Which is true in his case.

You gave him an assuring pat, "I love you too, man." More than friends is what you were going to add but you didn't let your intrusive thought win. Not tonight at least. "And we all love you. So much. Our world means nothing without our great leader. Without our Leonardo. We needed each other. You don't have to give up so easily. But that doesn't mean you can't take a break, you hear me?" You feel him nod on your shoulder.

"I tell you what? Tonight is an honorable night to me. Wanna know why?" You jerked your head a bit. "Why?" he asked back. "Because he who seek help actually comes for help and gets it! And I thanked you for that. For sharing everything with me. For.. trusting me. It means a lot." Your voice turned from stern to soft at each sentence.

"No."

You suddenly let out a soft gasped as he pulled away from the embrace, allow you to look at him, but didn't completely let you go.

"I'm the one who should have thank you, (Y/N). It's not easy to find someone who would just listen to all of my burdens. Not just to borrow a pair of ears but also to have a really good friend. You're a good listener. And I'm glad to know you. So again, I thank you for that."

Not wasting another second, you launched yourself back at him. Hopefully failing to see your almost teary eye. He gladly hugged you again then spoke, "Are you crying?" Nevermind that. You sniffed, "Nah, I'm fine. How are you?" He chuckled, "I'm feeling great, thank you." and give you another loving squeeze.

[halfdeadwallfly]

🌻

heyy!!!!!!! Ok so I promised acappella (did i? .... eh) so! I'm basically gonna take this as my chance to rant about my group and my friends <3333 (if this does end up being too annoying, genuinely i'm sorry, i just get excited abt it too much and i like talking abt it l o l )

ok so BASICALLY i am in this acappella group at my school, and we have 13 different ones so some of them have different themes so my group does music from movies, tv series, video games, and musicals [AND!!!!!!! something i recently proposed----- podcasts hehehehehhee bc i have sooooooooo many podcast song suggestions for our rep] anyway there's like 18 of us and it's really fun and everyone is just so lovely and kind. (i promise i'm not gonna talk abt everybody, just the ppl i'm like closest with)

the person who's probably the closest friend i've made so far in college is also an alto, and i love her so much, she's so wonderful. she's sort of boisterous and really caring and a very good actor. she's super nice just to chill with, and at the same time it's always so much fun talking to her. once at rehearsal during an audition i was having a tic attack and she noticed what was going on and said that she could help me out if i needed it, which was so weird but nice bc most of the time when i'm having tics, ppl aren't mean exactly but they definitely don't really know what's going on. she also has an AMAZING singing voice, and she did a killer solo on I'm Still Standing our first semester there. she's just so beautiful and the kind of person that you feel comfortable around just by the way she is

when i was running for music director, there was another freshman that was running for the job as well, which was stressful but also-- really so cool, bc she's so smart and talented and experienced, and so vibrant like just as a person too. she also has a killer singing voice (ofccccc) and the most expressive, commanding performance energy. when the rest of the group was discussing who they wanted to vote for (our group in particular amongst the thirteen is infamous for discussions) we were both super nervous!! and hanging out in the hallway talking about our goals for the group, and we both have so many of the same ideas about stuff like vowels and dynamics and like general technique, it's just been so exhilerating to get to talk to her and know her! i really hope that in the next election she runs again so we can work together officially!!! she's also an artist and her art is so good :DDD

ok last person i'm gonna go in detail abt---- my co-md, who i actually did not really like when i joined the group. just sort of like did not vibe with him initially, but getting to spend more time with him i actually really do enjoy talking to him and hanging around, esp now that we're working together! it's been a stressful semester acappella-wise due to a sudden and weird resignation from our former long term md, but me and him preparing to take over now that our remaining md graduated, it's honestly just been so fun. he's so smart at music theory, and i feel like our different strengths just work really well together when we're leading. one of the things i was most stressed abt in becoming md was having to take charge, esp as an underclassman leading upperclassmen, but he's been so open to all my thoughts and suggestions, and whenever i'm feeling anxious abt getting people's attention or being too pushy, he makes sure everyone is on the same page, which i think is really nice. we had group karaoke once and we sang teenagers by mcr together lol

anyway so now i'm going into my first official semester as co-md with a killer new rep selection, with one song that i'm co arranging which is so exciting!!!!! i just really love everyone i've met in acappella and every bit of music we've put together.

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

hii :) i hope you’re doing good! i saw that request are open so i want to ask for curly showing off his gf to everyone when he’s jealous or to make other ppl jealous 🫶

A/N: Oh this was fun Nonny, thanks so much for the request!

So! I believe we’ve talked a little bit about this before, especially over here in this set of headcanons about Ponyboy being interested in Curly’s S/O

But yeah, I just have fun talking about Curly so we’re gonna do this again and go a little more in-depth!

Serious relationships, I have a feeling, would be a big deal for Curly

I don’t see him as being the one to bring home a new person every week, I can barely see him bringing home a person to begin with-

I think he’s got a bit of a reputation? For messing around with who he’s going out with but never really wanting to settle down?

I have lots more emotions about that ^^ @mysemantics knows that and I’d be very happy to explain more of my personal headcanons for him later <3

But back on track, it’s rare for Curly to truly settle with someone so if you’re lucky enough to call him yours, and he’s calling you his, you’re already on a great track

Curly, when he’s happy and comfortable, will have no problem hanging all over you and begging you for attention, similar to a love-sick puppy

But when he’s around his boys, he may try to act a little tougher

He’s got a reputation to keep up, alright, babe? No one’s gonna be afraid of the Shepard outfit if they see Curly walking around, fingers linked with yours as you giggle over something

That being said, when the time comes, he’d do anything for you

No matter who’s around, if you’re in trouble or need something, talk to him

Curly would do anything he could for you, he’d move the mountains if you so much as say the word, I cannot stress how giving this boy is in relationships where he feels loved

Come up to him, overwhelmed at a party or tired at the drive-in, and ask to leave and Curly is immediately setting down his beer, saying goodbye to his boys so he can take care of you <3

He’ll give you his jacket, give you his clothes, ask to have one of your rings if you wear them, maybe one of your necklaces if you don’t do rings

He wants to be yours and much as you want to be his 

And I’m assuming this ask is sort of asking for more of the physical side of this too?

Not just all the sweet things that Curly does to show everyone you’re his?

So we’ll talk a little about those things too, fear not <3

If he’s a little buzzed, just a little laid-back and comfortable, Curly isn’t afraid to kiss you in front of everyone

I’m not talking like nice, little, chaste kisses, he’ll give you those everywhere

He’ll kiss you in the booths at the diners, when you wait in line for popcorn at the drive-in, or when you’re hanging out in the party crowd and he’s trying to convince you to fetch another beer for him

I’m talking about making out with you out the outskirts of the parties, tucked into your own little corner somewhere while he tests how far he can go, fingers dancing over the hem of your shirt <3

Also?

Possessive kisses.

Y'know those kisses when someone isn’t getting the hints you’re dropping about you being happily taken and uncomfortable in the situation and won’t stop bothering you

Curly has absolutely no qualms about coming up, looping an arm around your waist, and staring down whoever decided to mess with you

After, of course, giving you a really deep kiss, cupping your jaw in his hand to keep your face close to his

And then, I feel like it’s obvious, but hickeys?

Like, you’re gonna wanna seriously invest in some nice foundation if you go out with Curly

He likes kissing you, and sometimes kissing leads to hickeys and as long as he has your permission, he will cover your neck and shoulders in them <3

Also having his hand tucked into your back pocket, slipping its way down to hold onto your ass because you can’t look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn’t

So yeah! That’s about all I got, hope this is what you were looking for Nonny!

[goodfully]

what another insane cliffhanger... my goodness, okay finished with the second book!!!! i just need to ramble a bit.

since i just finished it, i have thoughts on nino.. tbh i was quite fond of him initially but then he got increasingly unbearable haha the way he... says to lenu that since childhood he imagined a life where he, lenu, and lila would be together, and then.. uhm wow..! where the hell does he go! hahaha well maybe ill feel differently about him in the next book.

ngl tho, esp during that part with the elena/lila/nino drama, i was so stressed.. it just kept going!!! and kept feeling like so much!!!! wow. i had just kept thinking that theyd all best sit down and be honest with their feelings for each other and then form a poly relationship and run away together or something idk hahaha

okay i think one of my most favorite things about this book is how important every character feels. obviously we have lenu and lila, but like the rest of the cast?? they were not just some random childhood friends mentioned in the first book, they all are growing up too and are experiencing lives of their own. i think this book, more than in the first book, showed a lot of parent/child relationships, mm like how much we fear to become our parents.. to be inevitably trapped in the same fate as theirs. its in my mind a lot, about how much the things that happened to my own parents affect me. ahh elenas relationship with her mother.. despite how badly she wishes to not become like her mother, i think she does see her strength and her care for her... (oh god, like when she was sick and her mom comes out of nowhere?? and i think she was torn between feeling embarrassed by her and how capable her mother really was) oh and things like both antonio and ada becoming in different ways like their mother, stefano resembling don achille, lila fearing her son will be stupid, etc and ofc also just... the weight on all of their shoulders to.. hurry up and grow up? ahh. ///tw death tw suicide/// for the peluso siblings to witness their father be literally dragged out their house in front of them for allegedly murdering another man, hearing about his death in prison, busting the door down and seeing their mother hang herself. for the cappuccio siblings to only have their mother, who needed her children to care of her and her mental state more than she could take care of them. hhhh

that reminds me, the whole book i was hoping for more enzo content hahaha we really barely know anything about him at this point but i adore him. and he is there now! altho i wonder how much more we'll hear of him in the next books.

oh yeah, lila talking crazily about educating all the children to make a change starting with their generation... just like me for real... this is pretty much the main reason i studied early education hahaha its silly now when i think about it, but i used to feel like my skull was breaking from how much i felt i needed to find a way to take care and educate of all the children in the world in order to make some sort of difference... to find a way to get every single child to experience love and care from a loving and caring family... god. anyway i mean i still do believe that taking care of and educating the young ppl of our generation can change the world somehow, but it was just rather.. sad? seeing lila go crazy about her son and her very real fear for her son, that he might become like her and her family, unable to escape violence and poverty.

all this talk about a book centered on elena and not a single word about lenu yet ahhh my bad! oh i want to talk about her years at the university, and... gosh. just knowing you just lack something that your classmates from a rich family and background have that youll never have... even tho she quite literally graduated with top scores, she never felt fully capable? never felt enough? the need to work so hard to suppress herself in order to be okay in that city?? aghfh

alright, the ending! with her realizing that her novel (that she described as something that was truly hers to pietro) was basically born out of and deeply connected to lilas blue fairy book... god!!!!! what the hell!!!!! my goodness. she quite literally describes how theyre soulmates, how theyre connected by an invisible thread, how much they mustnt lose each other anymore. and when they finally met again and she finally realizes that "in the world there is nothing to win, that her life was full of varied and foolish adventures as much as mine, and that time simply slipped away without any meaning, and it was good just to see each other so often to hear the mad sound of the brain of one echo in the mad sound of the brain of the other." sobs. i think throughout most of the book, i so desperately wanted the two of them to just... be okay and stop being in constant war with themselves for each other.. but anyway wow, even tho for this second book the two of them arent with each other most of the time, the way their relationship is so hhhhh described so well and is always relevant, its so real wow its so real.

okay done... mm i was thinking that lenu is probably the more relatable character, but i think i identify a lot more with lila? not really bc of her life or the way acts, but the way she thinks maybe? the way she feels about ppl? idk actually, but its probably affecting the way im reading the series. mm starting tmr i wont have as much time as i do now to read, but im hoping i get through the next two books before the end of next month at least!

[kakashissimp]

I'm so excited for the 350 event! Thank you for being so kind to us thirsty ppl. Anyways, here are my two characters: 🚬🔞🔴🍑🔦 or 🍥✅️🟢🍅. Hope it inspires you!

Coy | Shikamaru x Reader | NSFW

Prompt: Shikamaru + NSFW + Fem!reader+ "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice" + switches. *Slight bully elements as well

Note: Thanks so much for the prompt! I also decided to make this college!au.

(Link to the event post)

With your books pressed firmly against your chest, you hurried down the hallway, pleated skirt swaying as you went. You needed to study for an important chem test, and you'd be damned if all the study rooms were claimed.

Once you reached the right corridor, typically silent as everyone worked, you walked by each one, noting how the doors were firmly closed and locked, already taken.

The tension squeezed in your chest until you realized one door was still open.

Your roommate had people over, despite having expressed how important the test was, and going back wasn't an option. You needed complete peace and quiet.

Slipping into the room, your breath caught in your throat, alarmed at the sight of someone else there. Your chest deflated at the recognition.

"Shikamaru?" You questioned, brows furrowed.

Shikamaru Nara was by no means a determined student. He took most tests without studying at all, and rather took naps or got high with his friends.

He was also insufferable.

A small smile tugged on his lips, but it lacked warmth and made your skin crawl. "Ah, y/n. Am I taking up the last quiet room?"

You swallowed hard. "Yes, actually. Last time I checked, you haven't studied a day in your life. Why are you here?"

Shikamaru clicked his tongue and leaned back into the leather couch, next to the table and chairs. The silence within the sound-proofed room was deafening.

"I may not need to study, but I can still appreciate a good napping place."

You deadpanned. "Are you serious? Some people actually need to study here. Like me."

"I'm not stopping you." The grin on his face stretched. "I'll get some shut-eye while you study to your heart's content. Why don't you lock the door, sweetheart?"

Biting back every feral thing you wanted to say to him, you closed the door behind yourself and clicked the lock shut. "Don't call me that."

"A bit stressed are we?" Shikamaru tutted, closing his heavily-lashed eyelids with his arms tucked behind his head.

"This test is important, so I'd appreciate it if you would be so kind as to shut up," you snarked back, taking a seat at the table, back facing Nara. You unloaded all your books and supplies, already flipping to the first page.

Shikamaru scoffed, and to your surprise, went quiet. It wasn't like him to back down, especially not when he wanted under your skin.

You had mutual friends with Shikamaru—that's how you even knew him on a campus of so many students. He went to the same parties as you, was in some of the same classes, and always managed to find a way to weasel into your life.

Shikamaru was annoying at best. He loved pestering you, even if you never gave him a reason to.

His teasing was endless. While hanging out with friends, he would belittle you, make you second-guess yourself, and do everything in his power to embarrass you. He seemed to revel in how your cheeks would flush at his snarky comments.

Shikamaru would stoop low enough to tug on your hair if the chance arose, and he would dip down to whisper something irritating in your ear. While his husky voice and proximity would confuse you endlessly, you saw him as a nuisance more than anything.

Fortunately for you, your skin was thick, and his pestering wasn't entirely the issue. It was his audacity, truthfully.

You never knew what his problem was, but having him in the room with you in the perfectly quiet space made everything worse. Unable to relax fully, your mind was on high alert, and you couldn't focus for even a moment.

Releasing a sigh, you reread the same sentence at least five times and adjusted your skirt uncomfortably. Then, Shikamaru's grating voice broke the semblance of concentration you had.

"You aren't coy, you know."

Your brows furrowed. "What?"

He chuckled. "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice."

Not bothering to look in his direction, you swallowed hard and tried to push back the blush that tried to creep up your neck. "Stop being mean, Shikamaru."

"Mean? I'm just pointing out the facts." You could sense the wicked smirk on his face.

"The fact is, you're an asshole," you snapped, finally turning to look at him. "Why do you always have to bother me? You've never tried to just talk to me like a normal person."

A shade of something unreadable moved across Shikamaru's eyes then, until his smirk dropped into a flat line, more serious than before. "You've got me all wrong."

"How?" you pressed, standing from your chair to get a better look at him. "You act like you hate me."

"I know you pride yourself on being smart and all, but maybe your observation skills could use some work," Shikamaru murmured, allowing that smirk to return. "I don't hate you. I want to be in you."

A chill ran down your back at the confession, frozen by the idea of it. For a split second, you wondered if you misheard him.

He wanted you. He wanted to be inside you.

Shikamaru was amused by the look on your face. He seemed to ease into his place then, confidence returning. "There you go. Now the gears are turning."

"Shut up," you muttered back, unable to stop the blush from crawling up your neck and flooding your cheeks. You didn't know how else to react to such a perception-altering admission.

"I mean it," Shikamaru began, cocking a brow. "Now you know what I want. If I'm correct, I believe you want the exact same thing."

Half tempted to jump through mental hoops to convince yourself he was wrong, you were deceived by your own body. The shiver that ran through you, along with the warmth inside your panties said it all.

Shikamaru was right. Secretly, he had been for some time.

Shikamaru's gaze softened only slightly, and he patted his thigh. "Come here."

Swallowing hard, you took a few steps closer to the couch, watching carefully as Shikamaru leaned forward and put a hand out toward you.

The sensation of his warm skin against yours sent your mind reeling, already weak in the knees at the way his eyes took you in as if you were already naked under his stare. His palm landed on the back of your thigh, just below your ass. His nimble fingers squeezed the soft flesh and he released a sigh at the way it bounced back effortlessly.

Your heart raced all the while his hands slowly explored your thighs, allowing his touch to move upward until he gave your ass a greedy feel. His dark eyes were fixated and determined, hungry all the while he examined you.

"Turn around," he growled, guiding you with a hand.

Obediently, you did as you were told, back turned to him once again. His hands fell to your waist, and they slowly moved down until he reached the hem of your skirt once again.

His palms glided beneath the loose material, squeezing from time to time.

Your cheeks burned all the while Shikamaru parted your lower lips as a result, glad that he couldn't see your face then. But the enthusiastic fluid that gathered in your underwear moved so easily that you only hoped Shikamaru couldn't hear it.

You wanted him badly, and his touch only made it more excruciating.

"Now," Shikamaru murmured, lifting the skirt up to watch as he dragged a finger over the soft imprint of your pussy, just light enough to make you shiver. "If I were to pull these off, what would I find?"

Unable to say the words due to embarrassment, you bit down on your cheek instead, waiting with bated breath as the pad of his finger carefully moved across your clothed folds. The closer to your clit he ventured, the more your legs trembled.

You held back the moans, despite how they bubbled just beneath the surface.

Impatiently, Shikamaru added more pressure, surely aware of the obvious dampness. You were found out the moment he chuckled and rubbed careful circles over your clit.

"Already so wet, huh? I must be right then."

Whole body burning, you silently begged for him to give up the teasing and just give you what you wanted. You needed to know what it felt like to be filled by him. To feel the desperation of his skin against yours.

A breathy moan slipped past your lips with a wave of pleasure that sparked from your clit. "Shikamaru..."

"Be a good girl and unbutton your blouse, baby," Shikamaru hummed, pressing further into your panties, pulling more flustered sounds from you.

Not wanting to waste a second, your fingers fumbled over your buttons like you wouldn't get the chance again. You were finally able to breathe once the last one popped open.

Yet, you were spun around before you could think, and Shikamaru's lustful eyes were on yours, searing into you.

"Sit. Now."

Trembling with anticipation, you straddled Shikamaru's lap, aware of how vulnerable it made you.

"That's better," Shikamaru cooed, bringing his left hand up to cup your jaw while the other wandered back to your underwear. He played with the hem before he moved the fabric aside and brushed his dexterous fingers through your folds. "You want this cock, don't you, baby?"

Whimpering at the feeling, you arched your back and had to prop yourself up with one hand against the back of the couch. It only brought your lips closer.

You nodded desperately, eyes threatening to close at the pleasure his fingers brought you just from all the teasing. "Yes...Please. F-fuck me, Shikamaru."

"You don't have to worry about that," Shikamaru murmured in return, dipping his fingers into your soaked heat. He suppressed a growl at just how wet you were. "But first, you're gonna ride me."

Not needing to hear it again, you nodded eagerly, already fumbling with his button. Shikamaru sat back while you worked it open, followed by the zipper.

Your fingers brushed against Shikamaru's cock, already rock hard in his boxers. He tensed at the contact, followed by a breathy groan once you freed his length from its confines.

"Fuck..." Shikamaru grumbled at the way you pumped him slowly, giving the tip an extra tug before you lined yourself up, too worked up to wait any longer.

While Shikamaru held your panties to the side, you felt the head of his cock against your pussy, asking for entrance. The very thought made your mouth water.

Shikamaru swallowed back a moan at how agonizingly close he was to feeling your velvety walls, and he guided your face closer with his other hand.

He pulled your lips against his in a searing kiss, far more desperate than you had ever felt before. You sucked in a deep breath, surprised by how right it felt.

You never imagined you'd be so close to Shikamaru, tongues fighting for dominance while you slowly sank onto him. To even his surprise, Nara gave up and let a hoarse groan spill past his lips. His eyes squeezed shut at the feeling and cursed under his breath.

Your body sang with a boost of confidence at his vulnerable reaction, and you gripped the back of the couch while you moved further down his length, noting how you stretched to accommodate his size.

At once, you moaned into each other's mouths, equally shocked by the sensations that sparked through your bodies. You stilled once Shikamaru bottomed out inside of you, gripping him for everything he was worth.

Shikamaru dropped his head back and tried to conceal his groans, to no avail. His hands landed on your ass and he squeezed firmly.

"Fuck, y/n," Shikamaru muttered, catching his breath. "Move already."

The command sent a flood of butterflies into your stomach immediately, and you did what you were told, leaning into the couch to lift your hips above him.

His tip dragged against your slick walls as you pulled up, hitting so many sweet spots at once that your thighs trembled from the pleasure. An airy moan escaped you with your head tipped back, and Shikamaru couldn't stop himself from taking you in completely.

Shikamaru swallowed back his sounds until you sank back down again, to which his jaw fell open and he sputtered.

It was your turn to wear a devious smirk, surprised by the hold you suddenly had over him.

Addicted to the feeling of him, you picked up the pace and rode his cock, eager for those shocks of pleasure. Your stomach squirmed at the way Shikamaru was consumed by the feeling, not able to spew his sarcastic comments with you clenched around him.

His brows fixed together while he gazed at the way your breasts moved for him, overwhelmed by everything at once. Shikamaru grabbed your bra and yanked it down to expose your chest, and he palmed them roughly.

A louder moan came from you then, just as fired up from his touch. Your eyes fluttered shut the moment he ghosted one of your nipples with his tongue before he took it in his mouth and worked it.

Your hands slipped through his hair, pulling whenever his cock hit the perfect spot, and you both moaned in unison. The vibration sent through your chest made you shiver.

Your thighs started to grow tired but to your relief, Shikamaru slipped his hands under your legs and he stood, quickly putting you on the table.

Your books and papers went flying with your momentum, but you didn't care, not while Shikamaru put a hand against your neck and slammed into your pussy.

Squealing at the sudden change, your eyes rolled back, and you arched against the flat surface all the while he drove his hips into you again and again, ruthless with his movements.

Every thrust pulled the moans and whimpers right from you, accompanied by the slap of his skin against yours. Shikamaru grunted, gripping one of your thighs with his free hand.

Your body convulsed with every rut of his hips, intoxicated by the way he fucked you, unrelenting and desperate. Finally fulfilling what you both wanted all along.

"Shika—" you croaked, tightening around his cock.

Shikamaru growled at the way you clenched around him, and his fingers flexed against your throat. "Is this what you wanted, baby? For me to fuck you dumb like this?"

You hardly had time to digest the words before you started nodding, eager for your quickly approaching climax. Shikamaru and the feelings he brought you were the only things you could focus on then, craving that sweet release.

Tears gathered in your eyes from the intensity. From the desperation to finish.

Shikamaru chuckled at this. "Such a pretty girl crying for my cock. You wanna cum?"

"Y-yes!" you cried out, reaching for anything to hold.

Fortunately, Shikamaru pulled your hips closer and dropped his spare hand to your core, where he sloppily rubbed your clit. His lips captured yours once again, and he moaned into your mouth.

Your whimpers painted his lips, overwhelmed by it all. Black dots shot across your vision from the deadly combination of his thrusts and his fingers.

"Remember how good this feels," Shikamaru muttered, hovering his mouth above yours while his fingers worked your clit. "Don't forget it was me you cried for."

His words were torturous, and you had no wits left to speak. The breath was stolen from your chest as he bucked into you. The coil in your belly tightened, threatening to snap.

"I'll fuck you senseless whenever you want," Shikamaru panted, fighting against his own weakness. "Just give me the word."

The proposition of having sex again made your stomach flip, and you whimpered. You never wanted it to end in the first place.

A loud moan tore from your lips the moment the pleasure caught up with you, and your hips stuttered against Shikamaru's. You reached for his back and clutched onto him as you rode out the intense waves of your orgasm.

Shikamaru cursed again at how tightly you gripped him, and he buried his head in the crook of your neck, so close. The sloppiness of his thrusts spoke of his nearness, body tensing as he came.

Shikamaru painted your neck with a guttural groan the moment his fingers dug into your skin and he spilled inside of your warmth. He leaned into you as he caught his breath, needing you to keep him upright.

Absently while you basked in the afterglow, your fingers drifted up and down his spine as Shikamaru relaxed. He surprised you by wrapping his arms around you and pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

This was a different side to Shikamaru you had never seen before, and you wouldn't mind discovering more about him.

"If you ever need help studying again, don't hesitate," Shikamaru murmured with a chuckle.

Your lip curled in a small smile. "Don't push it, Nara."

[99naive]

small life update under the cut for you guys , just to clear things up & let everyone know whats going on with me in these next few weeks in case i wind up MIA or smthing due to stress .

i know i don't owe any apologies for simply being stressed out & busy with irl shit as of late ; i know i don't but at the same time i do feel like i should give a lil rundown of my current situation since ive been so sporadic & patchy as of late with my writing & my commissions ontop of messaging ppl . but as of rn , im playing the waiting game to see when my dog is gone essentially bc my parents are looking to rehome him or just outright go & have him surrendered , & as of the 19th of next month my brother will be ( without my moms full knowledge out of fear of her gaslighting him/guilt tripping him ) pretty well moving out & moving across country to live with his dad in missouri , which is something im currently having to deal with & also keep under wraps from my mom & dad . & to cap it all off , i have no dryer anymore & have been working overtime on laundry & having to hang dry ALL of the clothes in the house which is only making me more busy & thinly strung out . all of this stress & everything has left me so entirely overwhelmed , ive started developing stress rashes , ive barely been able to eat more than a meal a day , & im hardly sleeping bc my parents aren't sharing their bud as much anymore bc they " have to conserve it for themselves " . everytime ive opened up photoshop in the past three days its immediately left me ready to cry & panic bc my brain just immediately feels completely overwhelmed & i can't get any work done . im trying to keep myself together though , & get myself back on track as soon as i can . i just felt bad not letting you all be completely aware of my current situation , so here it is just so no one feels or thinks that im upset with them , or that im ignoring or ANYTHING along those lines . life has literally just decided to come at me FULL FORCE with every possible thing ive been terrified of having happen to me all at once & im so so sorry if my absence or anything has left anyone with the wrong ideas or feelings . ♡

[mikasa-imadebiscults]

HI HI HIIII, I was hoping to get a match up for MHA and JJK as well tooo

Starting off with my personality, I think personally i’m a very rational person, I’m always trying to think ahead and make sure things go right (makes me dad if something planned goes wrong)!! I can be very empathetic and known as a dad friend according to ppl close to me hhh. Howeverr I tend to close my self off alot and i’m usually ending up as a loner :(( Apparently I am an ENFP but I usually don’t trust those since they’re probably inaccurate

I really like going to the gym, and playing games!! I also like to read and try baking/cooking when I get the chance <3 I don’t like people who are VERY selfish, like I understand sometimes you have to put yourself first but to the point its disgustingly selfish then big no from me. I hate cockroaches and mean people 😍

I’m 5’6 and a girl !

I’m okay with an adult character!! 💗 Thanks again hope youre having a good day!!

(GIRL I HATE COCKROACHES TOO THEM FUCKER’S ALWAYS BE BULLYING ME LIKE WHAT GET YOUR SHORT ASS OUT OF MY HOUSE. Anyways I hope you enjoy this!!)

I match you with..

Shota Aizawa

- He likes that you are a rational person, he thinks that there needs to be more rational people in the world.

- Whenever you get mad because things didn’t go right, he will be there to calm your nerves.

- He will kill any cockroaches for you so you don’t have to stress out too much about it.

- He enjoys to eat the homemade things you make, especially if you bake something that goes good with coffee. He always makes sure to thank you.

- He can be a loner himself so he doesn’t mind at all that you can be a loner too. He lets you know that you can speak with him at any time whenever you need someone to vent, rant, or even just talk to.

- Likes to sit on the couch next to you as you play video games with his arm lazily around your waist.

Gojo Satoru

- He thinks you’re smart for trying to think ahead and praises you for it.

- He teases you about your dislike for cockroaches. He’ll say things like “What’s so wrong with them? Those roaches didn’t do anything to you. They’re harmless!” He kills them for you after a long long session of teasing you about it.

- He brags and brags to the others about your homemade food saying that’s it’s the best he had ever eaten. He gives you a big confidence boost.

- He tries and gets you out of your comfort zone and to make more friends so that you can all hang out and party.

- He knows that he can be a bit overwhelming sometimes so he checks up on you to make sure that you are okay.

- Loves to play any type of game with you and it always becomes a competition no matter what game you’re playing.

Masterlist

[aewrie]

i've gone so far off the rails but we're in too deep now too late to turn back

or, long ass tirade re: writing consent and lack of thereof and weird nuanced situations is go

(who died and made me the boss? no one. but ppl keep telling me i write this stuff good so presumably i'm doing something right)

first off: if you think deriving enjoyment/catharsis of any kind from fictional nonconsent scenarios is gross and wrong: you're not gonna like me, please go away

second off: i am approaching the majority of this from the angle of writing (hopefully) engaging fiction. this is personal thoughts flavoured by my preferences, not a universally applicable how-to guide and not a consent 101 for real life purposes

ty

also, for context

--

'excplicit on-screen consent is awkward'

skill issue

but yes. it can be. very much so. 

i'll start off with that i have put words into characters' mouths at times bc i felt the need to tell others something (even if intended audience for a given message might never stumble across it) and will do it again, But good luck trying to figure out what those instances are,

but anyhow i think that's where a big part of the problem stems from. people (writers) try to tell their audience things (educating them on consent) at the expense of their story and characterizations. and then when they try to make it sound less awkward they attempt shortcuts like a handful of specific Sexy Ways To Ask For Consent lines that i saw people lamenting about in the notes of that post, rather than, again, trying to think of how these characters might have this interaction happen and if it serves the story and its purposes

(what i mean by 'a story's purposes' is what's the goal here. is it to explore these characters. is it to make the audience feel a certain way, or to have them think about something. and bc we're talking about smut here too is the point to get off and that's it)

if i try to think back i can remember exactly one (1) pwp smut fic where a character stopping abruptly in the middle of business to ask for consent in an somewhat questionable situation was entertaining, and that's bc the other one's response was basically that ship sailed ages ago don't you fucking dare leave me hanging here

'fiction influences how people act irl'

"...and therefore all sex scenes should have on-screen consent to help model healthy communication"

to a degree, yes, fiction can influence people when information on a topic is otherwise scarce, but the solution here isn't to turn porn into sex ed, it's to provide better sex ed outside fiction. if you write explicit enthusiastic consent SOLELY because you think your average reader needs help grasping the concept, i worry. to paraphrase a post i can't be assed to dig up bc it was years and years ago: if we rely on people's chance encounters with pornography as a means to educate the masses on safe sex, we've already lost the ball. grievously.

and i need to stress that i LIKE writing explicit consent, when it makes sense, and in ways that make sense. i'm not opposed to showing what attempts at healthy communication can look like in fiction. i think there should be stories like these! i think they can be great in introducing people to new ideas and encourage learning more outside fiction. but also i think in many situations it's just better to share educational resources separately and let the stories be stories, even if the aim is to have the communication etc reflect what you'd generally want/expect irl.

one thing i like to include (when applicable) is the term edgeplay in my descriptions/tags; it's a small thing but maybe someone not familiar will see it and realize that maybe they shouldn't be diving into what my characters are doing headfirst, even if it works out in the story

i do think mainstream porn especially could use more things like brief scenes after the main meat of a film where the actors are just chilling and stuff. a little grounding moment when it's time to 'return to reality', particularly with more hardcore stuff.

but we're primarily talking smutty fanfic, a niche within a niche, and like. honestly a lot of fanfic does better on this front already, bc we tag for these things. the understanding is already there that the fic is following tropes and kinks and specific crafted scenarios regarding consent. #sex pollen is the author telling you here will be that particular kink/trope, but also that someone's decision making is influenced/impaired by some substance belonging under the sex pollen category 

wait i thought a good way to highlight the key point here; 

> author's wanting to include on-screen consent because they prefer that, or want to encourage people, even if on a small scale, to think more about this more, etc: awesome! go for it! i do this too!

> other people pushing an expectation that fanfic smut writers of all people are responsible for educating the masses in order to fix a society-wide problem: please get a grip

i have written a pretty wide range of situations where there was on-screen consent but i'll get more onto that later,

and then i've also written/drawn stuff where there's absolutely no whiff of anything resembling healthy discussion or concern for boundaries, and a good chunk of that has been smut. i do love pwp fic/erotic art where you can read into it what you want to read into it; eg i have a fic that *could* be read as the pov character is really into it, the consent just isn't explicit on screen OR yeah that's just straight up noncon and brainwashing, just subtle about it -- i tagged for power imbalance. readers can read and imagine further details as they like. a one shot pwp with no wider narrative attached to it lends itself particularly well for something like this.

when there is a bigger story attached, i gotta start considering more how characters interact with each other and what their relationships are like, but even then, please refer to the diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm fic post

and of course the one part of this wank that only noncon enjoyers seem to even notice: i'm more worried about the people who write ""consensual"" sex scenes that are in fact dubcon at best, because they genuinely do not seem to realize this, than the ppl writing wildly not-appropriate-to-replicate-irl scenes with full awareness that this is the case. and often, you can tell. even if it's not spelled out in the text itself.

'consent is sexy'

i am facepalming and groaning (in frustration, just for the sake of clarity) and glaring at my screen

rl? consent isn't sexy. it's necessary. it absolutely CAN be sexy but that's not a prerequisite. in fact sometimes these discussions can be actively unsexy and THAT'S FINE (trust a cnc kinkster to be the one voice of sanity in the notes of that post and be the one to bring up this point; you, random tumblr user, are a real one) bc being sexy is not the point. the mutual agreement and knowing what you're getting into is the point

(i get this phrase is less or more something created with the purpose of basically marketing consent but still)

in fiction, it can be many fucking things. including the worst boner killer you've seen. refer back the where we started, and also the whole, when the reader's here just to get off chances are they aren't in the mood for a lowkey lecture in consent (and/or safe sex)

also!!

i wouldn't say character gasping i want you in the middle of making out is sexy bc it's explicit consent, but rather it's sexy bc they're needy. because they can't contain how much they desire the other person and are emotionally vulnerable in expressing that. and does leaning into something like that not make for a more interesting and engaging (including in the sense of being arousing) storytelling than 'yes, i, a mature adult of legal age to consent and not currently under the influence of any substances that might impede my judgement, enthusiastically consent to performing the sex with this person who is my equal in every way'?

(i am exaggerating for comedic effect but that's how reading some examples i've seen feels like at times. and if someone out there thinks that is sexy i want to study them under a microscope. fully solidified brain risk centers has me fucking weeping.)

people writing things with consent/boundary issues that aren't straight up noncon (moderately spicy opinions time)

you see here' the thing with me being comfortable acknowledging that something can be noncon AND sexy: i am also perfectly content acknowledging more grey area type situations that so many others completely miss on their crusade against the Problematic noncon (and age gaps. let's be real fandom loves to hate on age gaps even when they're a completely non-issue, and then is damn oblivious to often far more glaring potential red flags. (see hannigram. apparently some people think the ship is Bad because of the age gap and no other reason.))

coffeeshop aus being the ~fluffiest most wholesome trope~ that's actually problematic bc that's just sexually harassing a service worker who may not be able to do shit about it is just one oft used example. other such things include: teacher/student or mentor/student relationships, doctor/medic/healer + their patient relationships, gods + their followers/priests, spiritual leaders + regular people of the applicable faith, ceo/evil overlord/whathaveyou and their employees/staff/underlings, the list goes on, wrt consent these are all at the very least sketchy by irl standards even if everyone was an adult and technically consented, and i didn't even list nearly every scenario imaginable,

and oh boy i almost forgot to mention things like love potions, sex pollen, aphrodisiacs, characters in heat, etc etc

BUT in fic, if we're not all fixated on being Pure and Unproblematic, these can be fucking great and romantic and sexy. for a moment we can pretend that getting flirted on by the cute regular and writing your number on the back of a receipt to hand with their drink you have memorized bc that person always orders the same thing is the pinnacle of romance. we can imagine that a follower in their blind devotion isn't a prime target for exploitation but rather their god's favourite pet who gets special treatment. you get the idea.

just, don't whine about problematic fic if you can't face the iffy parts in your own favourite romance/sex fantasies?? we're all freaks here and slapping a BUT my characters EXPLICITLY STATE that they consent on yours doesn't change that my dubcon pwp and your coffee shop au both inherently have a certain disregard of boundaries built in. it's a feature. it makes the story better at what it is supposed to be. that is: a fantasy. trying to shoehorn in standardized explicit on-screen consent can get weird beyond a superficial level of wholesome, unless you're willing to acknowledge the fact that this is actually at least a little Problematic. you don't have to spell it out in the fic, but. at least think about it, if depicting only the most wholesome consensual educational intimate encounters is so very important??

back onto depicting attempts at healthy communication/consent for a bit

the thing is, care and communication and respecting boundaries and trusting each other and all that can just as much be a fantasy explored in a story(!)

and i say 'attempts at healthy communication' rather than 'healthy communication' for a reason. even when i try to go for something grounded in how these things can look like in reality, characterization and narrative comes first. i've cut banger lines bc they felt too much like we're trying to do therapy and i'll damn well do it again. same with consent. i'm here to tell a story. even when it's grounded in realism. i'm not First And Foremost trying to model a healthy relationship even if my story has an element of hey, practising good consent *can* look something like this. characters can and should stumble and make mistakes and have conflicts that don't have perfect solutions, and that applies here too. we apply suspension of disbelief everywhere else in fiction. this is no different.

!! and, in insisting on reading this kind of fictional intimacy as Educational, people are going to miss more subtle ways in which the scenario may not be ideal. i shouldn't have to explain why that's Not Good

you can have fun with this actually And make it another tool of characterization etc

and on-screen consent doesn't have to look the same for every scenario and character. in fact it shouldn't. bc if it does, now you've probably stumbled into the pitfall of writing consent 101, possibly with an attempt at making it more sexy, rather than story.

like, just some ideas off of the top of my head that aren't 'yes, i consent':

normally abrasive character who needs to be in control at all times becomes more subdued and allows another to get intimate. just maybe a reserved 'you can', and them not fighting like they usually do with everything just out of habit

characters who cannot keep their hands off of each other because they're just desperately wanting to get as close and intimate as possible. no time for words. no chance for words because between kisses they're too out of breath anyway. (how is there any argument about this sort of scenario leaving consent 'vague'??)

normally reserved & quiet character making a subtle first move that, when coming from them, is Big

character is too excited and aroused and struggles to make the words go but their actions very much scream Want, while the other is going on about how sexy they are

honestly, nala giving simba the bedroom eyes in tlk style situation is a good one if you're just fading to black

'i want you', 'i need you', 'let me have you'

actually i'm providing some examples by yours truly;

my longfic is just. there's two sex scenes. one character is very experienced and the other is aroace and has not had an intimate relationship of any kind prior to this. i put emphasis on the curiosity and uncertainty and the more experienced character wanting to be sure that everything's fine, because he cares about that. for how i wrote these characters and this relationship, this approach made sense. i have lines like:

"You would give me this experience with you, then?" "Is this alright?" "I know my boundaries. That includes knowing which ones I am willing to bend." "Go slow at first and it's all good." "Tell me how it feels?"

I wouldn't necessarily label ^this scene smut in a conventional sense tbh. it's more the characters trying to figure things out and being a bit awkward about it at points.

and then i have this example later on of how a lack of clear 'yes' can be more fun:

If they think they are going to get a coherent answer out of him, they are wrong. The sight between his legs demands his attention, and he knows nothing sensible would come out of his mouth now, if he tried. The best he manages to give is a whine that maybe was supposed to be a 'please', but who knows. He certainly doesn't.

from a different story with same characters, we have 

"You are so responsive to simple touch, my friend." Simple, he says. Distracting. That it is.

closely followed by

"If I should stop, will you tell me?" They look up. Tell him? They don't bother, often, with trying; so many don't pay attention. Most keep a distance anyway. But some, they don't care if they push away or try to leave, unless they want to go away themselves; don't care that they hold a weapon until they use it, they know how to use it, it is not an idle threat. Easier to fight or run away, depending. Not to bother, when others deny their mind, their decisions. But he wants to know? "Three taps. Or something else, but still thrice. Somewhere I can feel it. I will know, then." So simple. They can do that. "Will you?" He wants to know. Nod; yes. They will.

in which we establish a safeword without calling it a safeword! to have a clear way of communicating no/stop when these two aren't that familiar with one another and the pov character is nonverbal. again, bc it made sense for my characterizations. frankly(!) leading up to this there's little things that are less good consent, like pov character feeling they have to decide on the spot if they engage or not when they realistically would have liked more time to think (and did not expect further checking ins along the line bc Unfamiliar Territory) but for the oneshot fic it works, bc it gets things moving along at a decent pace.

also good spot to go on a tangent about how perhaps im just too aroace for all this nonsense bc I KNOW the gag is that oh you're reading this very filthy smut? we all know what you're here for ;) ;) and i'm legitimately like. good character writing?? yes?? with tasty word building on the side as a bonus maybe?? i Do Not look at sexual content as inherently or even primarily as something that exists for the sake of sexual gratification, it's just another thing you can include in a story. if it's sexy for others and all that awesome, if not, that's a you problem lol.

then less plotty more smutty ones;

The King parts his legs, then, just enough to allow access. 

^depending how you kinky you'd like something like that, it could be an invitation or a command. depends on the surrounding context

He listens to the raspy breaths above him; they do not betray much, but he knows the subtle differences in the pattern, knows when he is getting close. / They would expect him to do something. They delight in the spontaneity, -- / -- watching how their hands twitch, listening to their little sounds. How he adores those sounds.

a selection of small things implying these characters are familiar with each other. and, that there's not so much of a point in confirming consent for everything every time. you can have it in there without spelling it out if you want, and especially with established relationships, that just makes sense, unless it's a Thing for them to go over the details each time. in which case: why. explain the logic and convince me (is it a kink for them? you could make it a kink thing if you want to play up the sexiness, but do realize that's going to be a niche thing.)

ooc is ooc. how would your character show or not show that they want to get nasty?

sidenote for kink etc: if your story isn't set in present-day real world or something close enough, you can implement a system that the readers will understand is a safeword, even if you don't call it that. is there something unique to your setting/characters that they might use instead, that might even make more sense in-universe? ALSO, in scifi/fantasy settings particularly you can possibly take stuff MUCH further than would be plausible or possible irl. don't be restricted to real world rules for kink, and with that, consider how this might impact stuff like negotiation. eg, 'anything that doesn't leave a permanent mark goes' carries a whole lot of different meanings when you have access to magic healing that leaves your skin looking perfectly unharmed. (this is for if your characters are aware that they are doing kink; if your characters aren't aware of this, proceed accordingly)

fixating on a verbal 'yes' like it's some kind of magic word just shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what consent even is

[cw for talk about sexual abuse etc from here out]

(if you're not familiar, please look up the fries model of consent. it's not a be all end all, but a solid starting point, particularly for vanilla scenarios.)

you can have a character go through the motions of consenting without it meaning jack shit due to the circumstances that lead them there. this partially ties to the whole people writing noncon without realizing. bc fiction generally involves conflicts of some kind, the things that drive your story forward can at the same time be what makes consent between your ship-to-be iffy, even if we all know that it's actually fine and no one's really being hurt (again, we apply suspension of disbelief etc), or just not good consent by any stretch of imagination.

is my neglected and emotionally abused ~late teens oc meaningfully consenting to sex when she's being pressured to 'earn her keep' by her caretakers and then getting pimped by her boyfriend who manipulates her? she says she's consenting. must be fine, then. right? right? (hint: No.)

another oc initiated what was at first a consensual encounter, voiced discomfort when things started going sideways, and when things Really went to shit, started fawning (among other things). is a yes, go ahead, i like that good consent here, or later in different situations, when this trauma rears its head and they're fawning again? (hint: No.)

and don't get me started on the 'verbal' part of a verbal 'yes' bc apparently some people out there genuinely insist that that's the only thing that matters- like YES, irl, if someone's body is responding to stimulus but they're saying no, that verbal no is what you pay attention to. but communication is so much more than plain spoken words. ffs.

writing lack of consent (spicy opinions incoming)

disclaimer addendum: if you're writing based on personal experiences, do whatever makes you comfortable. and i mean whatever. hell, even if it's not personal experiences or you're not sure, still that applies. i sure as fuck know it isn't so simple knowing if your experiences 'count' sometimes. again, personal thoughts/preferences re: fiction. not an edict to follow.

so, with fictional sexual abuse/nonconsent, i find a common point of struggle with this is a) person is writing noncon smut and they try too hard to make it Sexy, b) person is writing a story focusing on trauma and they try too hard to Be Sensitive

like honestly the best ones i've read, regardless of what the purpose of the story was, are the ones where the author approached it like just another topic to write about. go into detail when it serves the story you're telling. be vague when it serves the story you're telling. let the characters react in a way that makes sense rather than in a way that tells the reader how sexy and/or terrible this situation is. even if you're keeping things off screen, show what's going on in the character(s) heads.

for smut, trying too hard to make it sexy can come off as awkward and at times comical. and i'll wager, not in a way that's intended. not a noncon exclusive phenomenon, but perhaps more obvious here with the tone issues that come from that.

trying too hard to be sensitive is. it can come off as condescending? i don't want to chew up anyone for being uncomfortable, but i do take issue when people act like their way of dealing with their trauma is the Only Correct One (please shut up) and anyone who disagrees is Not A Real Survivor (please shut up), and especially if anyone more removed tries to dictate how to supposebly be respectful as if trauma worked the same for everyone

...have you ever watched a crime drama featuring sexual abuse and the general vibe that the whole situation has is just this oh you poor pitiable thing :( wrapped in a package of copaganda dressed as revenge fantasy. and it isn't even that the victim wants revenge, or anything really, for that matter, they're just kinda there to look vaguely sad. it's all just a side note to the getting the fix of Justified Corporeal Punishment

adjacent to that, is what comes with the territory of writing a sensitive topic with care: people beating around the bush and using vague euphemisms instead of describing ANYTHING. i'm not saying every single instance of depicting sexual abuse has to be graphic, but when it comes across like this is something so terrible and gross that you can't even mention it, are you being sensitive, or are you being avoidant? not every story that features sexual abuse in some capacity focuses on that, but with the ones that DO, worth considering why something is being left offscreen/underscribed.

(like i can straight up say when i've been Avoidant it was bc *i* was not in the spot to be dealing with that particular scenario in depth OR bc i was pre-emptively wanting to appease hypothetical others. for daring to include something a touch more personally vulnerable in art/fiction. neither was exactly the best mental place to be creating something planned to publicly share from.)

uh oh it's complicated

idk if i'll make any sense but i'll try to words

a somewhat tame example: unexpected kiss that gets handsy. we could have rough division of scenarios as such

1) character didn't consent to this, but actually wanted it so it's fine, 2) character didn't consent to this, and aggressively makes it clear, 3) character didn't consent to this, and it's complicated

scenario 1, when done well, is the surprise affection is sexy situation. characters know exactly what the other wants. there's a fantasy in that, of not having to voice your desires to have them realized, and whatnot.

with scenario 2, when do things pause to give it some weight? character in the receiving end shoves the other away and yells at them, or someone else does it for them, and then the whole matter gets brushed off after maybe a quick are you ok, feels like the usual way it goes. from a storytelling perspective, even a brief moment to show discomfort would make that land far better, if the point is to show that this is creepy and unwelcome?

and 3 is. what if it is unwanted, but the response doesn't scream get off of me. what if the character has complicated reactions, for a possibly wide variety of reasons. where things get messy. this compels me. but it's very different from both the prior ways to go about the same scenario and easily the most complicated, because we don't get that immediate simple dramatic 'resolution' either way, if you do this properly.

i love good dubcon/soft noncon/technically consensual/things of that nature. and i will argue that you can't really do those well if you don't have a decent understanding of consent. you can't properly navigate the nuance and grey areas and technicalities and it isn't consensual, but it's complicated or consensual but not safe or sane for a compelling, believable story if you don't have a solid grasp of how these things work

depicting sexual trauma without showing anything or even directly naming it

a while there was a post about how if you can't bring yourself to use words like 'kill', instead opting for euphemisms like 'unalive', then you probably aren't mature enough to write about death with any grace, and shared there was the sentiment that this applies to sexual abuse as well. absolutely valid point but also i had happened to finish a fic relevant to that discussion recently and Now i'm getting out that particular yes but there's also this other angle to consider

which is: does it make sense for the characters to describe things using a given phrasing?

my character who's just been slapped in the face with a significant trauma and is struggling not to dissociate probably isn't going to talk about it the same way as someone who's had time to process and heal and just had an epiphany in therapy. probably.

but i'm getting sidetracked from getting sidetracked so onto the next point (for now?)

if you're not allowed to write it badly, are you actually allowed to write it?

do your research and approach these topics with care and all that, yes, but also, are we demanding that people potentially writing about their own trauma and lived experiences are masters of their craft? does a vent fic or an autobiographical work have to stand up to scrutiny of representing sexual abuse 'respectfully'??

like, a bunch of people have pointed out how demanding people publicly disclose their trauma to be judged by complete strangers in order to determine if they're allowed to write something is all sorts of shitty, but hey, here's a thought adjacent to that i don't think i've seen anyone bring up. because seriously. if someone's screaming that they're hurting why the fuck should the primary concern be but are your creative skills up to par??

(i'll be blunt again and say this is in part why i've been extremely hesitant up until recently to include these sorts of things in my stories in much detail, but far more so, i'm thinking about all the fucking awful treatment i've seen others receive for talking about/depicting fictionalized retellings of their traumas ""incorrectly"".)

i'll admit it: my first attempts at depicting sexual trauma even as a sidenote to another story just plain sucked. there was an attempt but it was no good. in part i was young and less aware of everything, in part i was poorly mimicking existing examples that were generally meh 

i'll also admit that what was genuinely most helpful at getting better was reading graphic noncon smut/angst. the well written stuff. because those fics aren't afraid to go into detail; rather, they enthusiastically dive into all the little and not so little things that make it more worse. they present the whole thing without dressing it to be palatable, and the jump from side note to copaganda to brutally honest survivor story was- i think the first really graphic one was the first time i could sympathize with the character and root for them in their journey to overcome the trauma. as opposed to almost voyeuristically (ironically enough) observe from a distance and then forget about it when the rest of the plot moved forward and forgot about it too.

and then one more thing relating to that that's been rattling around in the back of my mind for probably years now: there's one fic from years ago in particular that i think of when i consider the topic of fanfic depicting rape inappropriately. because that fic is not so different from noncon kink works i at times see from the type people arguably disrespected in said fic, just more novice in execution.  it also makes me think of how i handled various areas of this whole consent/communication/boundaries jumble in my earliest attempts vs now. which is just one of those reasons i'm reluctant to judge intentions in these situations, at least outside mainstream entertainment where standards/expectations should be completely different.

in conclusion 

this has been an i was exhausted and the filter was off ramble that got too damn long

have good day/night/whatever