EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt
taking the crumbs of venetian agna qel’a chewing biting gnashing on them until there aren’t even bones left and then spitting out. carnevale northern water tribe style
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
fight scenes that draw copious amounts of blood but not a single drop of sweat dirt or vomit are sterile to me. sexy but not sensual. beautiful but unhorny. a cut of meat severed from the visceral reminder of its mortality and neatly packaged for display on a gleaming white shelf.
thinking very hard about the concept of a machine finding appreciation/fascination for a person's heartbeat or breathing, similarly to how a person would find the hum of a machine's inner parts running to be pleasing to listen to or feel
mutual destruction vs codependency (is there really a difference?)
reynolds vs reynolds, lindsey drager, belle and sebastian, the gang breaks dee, leonard cohen, collins dictionary, charlies mom has cancer, jenny han, kaitlin olson, @/filmnoirsbian, the gang goes to hell, clive baker, the gang gets analyzed, joseph telushkin
(during HL2VRAI, in which the AIs now know that Gordon is the player... but still dislike seeing him hurt)
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A grayscale HLVRAI comic. Gordon is crouched down next to Tommy at some point in time, Tommy is holding a medkit and is worried. Gordon has a cut on his knee. Gordon says: "I'm fine! I can't feel anything that happens in the game. Remember?" with a smile. Some time later, Gordon is firing at combine, stalkers, and manhacks in City 17. Bullets fly by him as he yells behind him: "Don't worry about me, I can't feel it! Just run!" Gordon is a little scuffed on his face. Some time later again, Gordon is bruised and bloodied with bullet marks on his HEV suit. He has a black eye and on the opposite cheek there is blood coming from a cut. His hair is messy. He waves his hand dismissively, smiling and saying: "D-don't worry, I can't feel it. Ah-haha!..." Bubby is behind him and looks slightly concerned. Suddenly Dr. Coomer hugs Gordon. Gordon frowns, lip trembling, as he sinks down to his knees while Dr. Coomer holds him. We then see the player in his real life gaming room, on his knees, holding nothing. He says: "I can't feel it..." he's shaking.