#can someone with this many issues be qualified to help others? probably not

[aleanbh-and-lime]

Sometimes I wonder how seriously these students would take me if they knew how much therapy this therapist gets

[zippidi-dooda]

"Charlie, hello again!" You smiled, hanging your stethoscope around your neck.

The man in question walked over to you, holding a small bundle in his arms.

"What seems to be the issue this time?"

Chuckling, he grabbed your arm and led you towards your office, "nothin' too major, I don't think. But you'll probably want to keep the door closed for the other patients."

Concerned, you frowned and allowed him to close the door behind you, going over to the sink to thoroughly wash your hands.

"Place 'em on the bed there and tell me what's been going on."

"Well, ya see, I found this gal on my way to ...."

You listened to Charlie explain the situation, pulling on a pair of latex gloves and grabbing your usual tools for the job.

You weren't sure what he'd brought in this time or what ailment you'd have to treat, but you believed you had been accustomed enough to his spread of injuries and illnesses you'd be able treat this one no problem.

"Alright, let's see what's up with you old girl." You lifted the heat resistant blanket from the bundle that had been placed on the bed.

And then, laying in the fluffy heap, your eyes locked onto the golden eyes of a scaley, iguana sized creature huffing before you.

"Charlie," you mustered out, voice low and cool, "why am I looking at a dragon?"

"Well, hopefully to help her out. Now, her breed is normally prone to blowing plumes of fire so we should go carefully about this, but she hasn't exactly been too energetic since I found her. She is-"

You looked at him, raising a hand, "That's not what I mean, Charlie. Why did you bring her here? I know I've helped you out many times before but I've never handled a dragon before! What happened to the reserve's doctor?"

He breathed out a laugh, running a hand through his curly red locks. "She's been out and no one's been able to reach her. Look, you know I'd have checked in with her first if I could've. I care deeply about these guys, I'm not careless."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I'm aware of that. But there wasn't anyone else you could've went to? Someone more qualified and experienced to handle her?"

"You were the first person I thought of. She has a high fever, there's swells along her snout, and her wing's out of sorts. I was able to splint it but I think we'd both feel more at ease if you took a look at her. Please, Y/N, there has to be something you can do."

You couldn't help sighing at his plea, freckled face curled into a hopeful pout.

"Step back, Weasley," you raised the heart of the stethoscope, "I'll see what I can do."

You did your usual checkup and routine care for the small thing, getting down to the root of the problem, and soon enough the poor baby was fast asleep.

You cleaned up, tossing out your gloves, and gave the rundown to Charlie.

"Her wing fracture had been infected, which explains the fever and why you found her so drousy. I'm not sure how long she's been like this, but everything is stable now."

You jotted down in your clipboard.

"You did good with the splint, I dont expect there to be any complications with her wing development. Just keep it on her for a while and have her take some of this alongside her meals, okay," you handed him a prescription. "Oh, and make sure you check in with her regular doctor as soon as you get the chance."

Charlie grinned, kneeling next to the bed. With a finger, he stroked the dragon's head softly eliciting a rumbly purr from her chest.

"She's already looking better. You're a natural at this, Y/N!"

"Please, Charlie, don't surprise me like this again." You frowned.

He reached out to you, pulling you down to his side. "Ehe, don't know if I can do that."

"Charlie."

"But, I will work on having another specialist called to work with us down at the reserve. In case something like this happens again. I honestly don't know where the old nurse went ...."

You watched the small puffs of smoke float from the dragon's nostrils as she snored.

"I'm just glad I was able to do something."

"Well, you did take a bloody long time to get started."

You glared from the corner of your eye.

He laughed, draping an arm around your shoulder, drawing you close. "I'm kidding! Sorta. You did great, doll. Say ... you ever think about working with me at the reserve? We were just about looking to take in more pretty vets like you to help out."

You rubbed your temple. "Oh my lord."

He took your chin to look at you. "I'm serious."

"L/N, we have that appointment waiting for you at ... oh, my. I'll just ... tell them you'll be a minute."

[spectrumgarden]

how do you know if you have medium support needs?

Gonna go on a bit of a long winded support needs rant here.

Frankly theres no hard lines between the terms low medium and high support needs. Medium support needs specifically is a community term, meaning it was made by autistic people instead of medical professionals. There are also many people who consider themselves right between two categories, so they'll say they are low-medium or medium-high, which honestly turns it into more of a 5 options system than 3 if you're being pedantic. And then theres also the option of describing the category further, for example like saying you are on the high end of low support needs, or the low end of medium support needs.

( slight tangent: depending on where you live there might be actual legal categories with strict definitions, based on how much support someone needs, seperate from the specific terms of LSN MSN and HSN. In germany where I live there are Pflegegrade, translating to "care degree", which has 5 levels. I am right under the point cut off for level 3, so I'm a high level 2, described as "substantial limitation of indepence and skill". (Which I think also fits well with me considering myself on the low end of MSN.) This care level translates to funding for my care by my insurance and (alongside my disability ID score and markers) is often used in services for disabled people to "prove" that I need them to begin with before the question of funding even comes up. )

When it comes to assessing these support needs, whether legally defined or community coined, you can not really get around ADLs, activities of daily living. There are bADLs and iADLs, and most lists online will be fairly similar in what they include. ADLs are used in assessing disabled peoples need for care no matter their type of disability. It's what was used for my grandmother with alzheimers the same way it's used for me or my neighbor with mobility issues.

Since there are no strict "you need to hit exactly these many of the bADLs and these many of the iADLs that you need help with in this way" rules to qualify for, anything past this point will be my subjective opinion that I formed after looking at tons of peoples self reported and caregiver reported support needs label and what they need help with, and in what capacity. Others might define this (slightly) differently.

Support basically starts at reminders and ends in someone else completely doing it for you (sometimes done as hand over hand to hopefully build motor memory so you might be able to start doing them a bit more independently in the future). Theres also the detail of "how do you define needing care" and in general disability circles, not necessarily autism specific circles, I've often seen the phrase "can you do it reliably and safely" to assess if you need help with something. So if you can only get yourself to shower once a month for example even with reminders, that would still count as requiring care of some level for it to be done reliably. Or if you can use an oven to heat up / make food but you sometimes get burns that go beyond regular "clumsiness" that also means you probably need additional support to use it safely.

From what I've seen in the community over the last few years I honestly consider bADLs to be a large deciding factor for your support needs. If I did not need help with bADLs beyond reminders I could for example probably get away with only having a few hours of support a week for things like assisted grocery shopping or driving me to a doctor's appointment or helping me write an email or make a phone call or helping me deep clean the bathroom or kitchen, while spending my day to day completely by myself. I would still have to accommodate myself the rest of the time, such as mostly relying on instant and generally low effort food, my apartment would probably never be super tidy (but also like. Majority of peoples apartments get messy on the regular, I should know from my friends that are all 100% abled), and relying on a schedule, for example an app or physical list on the wall, for bathing, dressing and grooming.

But because I need prompting for my bADLs to be done reliably in any way or form I suddenly need a lot more care, so this small detail made it go from 1-2 days a week to daily.

with bADLs (and similarly iADLs but that's not the focus right now) it starts with people who need no help with them, then people directly below me who need reminders for (some) of them, people like me who need prompting and on bad days hands on help with some. And over that are people who need prompting for most if not all of them, and ending in people who need hands on help for all of them. And if you crammed that entire experience all into high support needs and left low to medium support needs open for people who only need help with iADLs it would be way too much for the HSN category alone I think. But if you extended it into low support needs it would also make low support needs basically useless as a term. Which to me means it makes the most sense to consider needing some help with bADLs beyond reminders the thing that sort of starts the category of medium support needs applying. Because frankly speaking reminders dont take up a lot of time, often can be done virtually or without the need for another person via reminders and checklists etc. Which is a stark contrast to someone who needs to be walked through a task from beginning to end by someone by their side at all times. So you can need help with most/all of your iADLs, which means you still need a relatively high amount of care if you look at it from an abled perspective ( i.e. someone to control your finances for you, and organize your transportation, and help you keep your environment clean, ...) and maybe rely on a phone app that reminds you to brush your teeth and shower, and still be low support needs, because you're putting it in the perspective of the large variety that is disabled experiences.

Lastly I do think the ADLs are not perfect, for example at least older definitions usually do not include things like if you can engage in fun activities by yourself such as watching media or reading or drawing, whatever you enjoy, or how effectively you can communicate in daily life even though that is in itself important to your quality of life and will affect how much time needs to be spend on your care. However they are the best we have currently and make a lot of sense.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Alright, question. Does anyone know what these graphs that show up throughout Double are? They're driving me insane because the only thing I can think of them being is brainwaves, which has Implications (aka Trikoto coping). It doesn't look perfectly like it, but I think it's the best match.

Like, here's the thing. First, they look like functions, except both sides of the "y" axis are positive??? Which makes no sense, obviously. That makes it hard to figure out what they're supposed to be, since I don't know any graphs which are Like That. My only guess is that it means the value displayed is always positive or doesn't matter, meaning the plus signs are there only to indicate it's a graph, but it's not fantastic. Again, if someone has better ideas, let me know (and it's probably a good idea to check the notes of this post in case I'm being stupid btw).

But let's look. There's two distinct type of "functions" which appear; sine-like functions (wavy) and "spiky" functions. Here's the issue with that. Sine functions appear fucking everywhere in nature, so it's not like that really helps narrow down what we're dealing with here. And spiky functions like that just- they're nowhere to be found. I literally did a reverse image search on a Paint reconstruction to see if anything in the internet looked like that, but I was only finding electrical systems (icons, not graphs) and stuff that Does Not Look Related. So what are they?

Again, I'm not sure, but take a look at one of the contexts in which they appear.

(I apologize for the youtube scroll bar there, I can't be bothered to get these screenshots without going frame by frame)

On the left, Mikoto is sleeping with a sine wave next to him. On the right, John is awake with a spiky graph. The imagery of sleeping and dreaming is very prevalent in Double, as a lot of times (including the scene I'm referencing right now) switches between Mikoto and John are indicated by "Oyasumi" ('good night') for Mikoto and "Ohayo" ('good morning') for John (mostly, depends on exact theories). Not to mention all the times the word "dream" shows up, etc. Just look at the MV, it's filled with this type of imagery.

Which is what got me thinking these graphs could be approxiamates of brainwave graphs.

Notice how Gamma and Beta waves, associated with wakefulness, are pretty spiky. Not as sharp as whatever the fuck John's got going on, but pretty spiky nonetheless. Meanwhile, Theta waves, which some sources claim is associated to light sleep, looks vaguely like a sine function if you look at it with one eye closed.

Honestly, while the comparison is not perfect by any means, the fact it relates to so many of Double's themes like sleep and exploration of the mind makes me think this is the most likely thing. I reiterate, I am not completely confident on this, if you have better ideas let me know.

And this interpretation does work with most of it's appearances without much issue. We've already seen the "John is awake" thing:

(Note: For this post I am only taking into account things between the plus signs. Other scribbles can be interpreted as just that, scribbles to indicate a chaotic mental state, and will thus be disregarded)

It shows up alongside (presumably) John again in the "that'd be good" image flash.

And there's also this? Which I'm not sure qualifies. The plus signs are over the entire scene, while the spiky function is only on part of the scene.

Which makes me think it wouldn't quite count, but I can't be sure.

But you may have noticed I'm sort of ignoring the elephant in the room. Look at the graphs which appear alongside Mikoto:

There's usually two overlapping functions (if you ignore another two-function graph appearing at the very end of the "Mikoto is sleeping" scene). Which I imagine doesn't quite make sense even with DID (I mean, by definition a function cannot have two f(x) values assigned to the same 'x' value), but this is a symbolic function, it doesn't have to literally work. And if they are brainwaves, they would likely represent... co-fronting, presumably? Which sorta doesn't work unless Trikoto is real, as we never hear of John co-fronting ever. Doesn't help that the final image flash, as you can see, a few frames later gives a third function in a separate graph, so 2 + 1 imagery.

And it actually works pretty well. The first scene where this happens has two sine functions, one of which has higher frequency at the start, but slowly loses frequency until it fully overlaps. And in that moment, Mikoto wakes up and there's a switch to John. The deeper the sleep, the lower the frequency (<- massive oversimplification). So, Mikoto, who is already asleep at the start, probably has that sine function which doesn't change, and a second alter goes to sleep, going dormant.

Which fits, because later, when Mikoto is awake and panting, one of the functions is spiky (awake) while the other is sine-y (asleep). So there's a dormant alter here. But we then see a graph for presumably the alter right after, which is spiky and awake. Thus, the alter that's dormant is neither Mikoto nor the alter on the ceiling, therefore Trikoto.

That covers all the times these graphs appear in the MV (I checked. I have issues). So, again, not certain of any conclusions, but brainwaves is sorta the best I can come up with at the moment. Anyways, thanks for reading and take care!

[sineala]

Superheroes and ethics

I realized that I wrote this last month on Patreon and forgot to post it here. I got asked to write meta about superhero ethics with regard to Steve and Tony. I ended up writing mostly about how Captain America's Plot Armor interacts with his principles.

I have been asked to talk about ethics and philosophy with respect to Steve and Tony. Unfortunately, the only philosophy-adjacent disciplines that I know well enough to speak about with any confidence are formal semantics and pragmatics, which isn't really all that useful in daily life unless you'd really like to learn about the differences between entailment, presupposition, and implicature, and also the Gricean maxims of conversation, which are great if you want to completely ruin conversations by violating them as many times as you possibly can.

So I'm not a philosopher, sorry.

But! I can talk more informally about Steve and Tony and ethics.

And I know there's been a lot of meta -- and actual books -- written about their differing views. I have a book here, A Philosopher Reads Marvel Comics' Civil War: Exploring the Moral Judgment of Captain America, Iron Man, and Spider-Man, by Mark White, which I have not read yet but it sounds like this is probably the book you want to read if you want an actual philosophical analysis of this stuff. Judging by the reviews, the author decides to associate Tony with utilitarianism and Steve with deontology. That is probably fun. I am in no way qualified to talk about it. On an informal level, the thing I find fascinating about them is that, when it comes down to it, Steve and Tony are really not all that different.

I have been thinking about this for a while, because the last time I left anonymous asks open on Tumblr, the final ask I got before I decided that this wasn't a good idea was someone who wanted to pick a fight with me by asserting that Steve/Tony was a bad pairing because "they don't think alike, have different morals, different interests, and different emotional issues that the other is not capable of helping out with." This is one of the reasons why I don't have anon asks on anymore. But I thought it was honestly an interesting thing to think about.

So I have been pondering this on and off for a while, and I realized that the thing that really bugged me about it was that their general thesis was that Steve and Tony were bad for each other because they have nothing in common. See, I don't think that's true. I think they have a whole lot in common. But I am also willing to acknowledge that canon likes to put them in situations where they're at odds with each other and it seems fairly easy to come up with circumstances that will cause them to want to beat the stuffing out of each other. But, crucially, this doesn't mean they have nothing in common.

(I also think they actually have a lot of similar interests and are actually very capable of helping each other with their emotional issues, which canon demonstrates multiple times. But that'd be a different essay.)

For me, one of the reasons why Steve/Tony are so compelling as a pairing is because they are so similar. Let's call it, like, 95% similar. They are remarkably like-minded when it comes to their values and how they view the world. It's just that then they can fight, bitterly, over the remaining 5% of differences.

They work well together most of the time and it's just the bits where they almost work together that are so agonizing and provide so much material for fandom. Because it's not like they don't understand where the other one is coming from, what they want, or why they want it. They do. They just don't understand how the other person can come up with a different path to the answer given their shared goal and shared values. Steve doesn't understand how Tony is willing to do something that Steve thinks is wrong, and Tony thinks, I don't know, that Steve's ideals are too naive for the real world. Tony thinks Steve's plans are unrealistic and Steve thinks Tony's plans are unacceptable.

There's also an additional complication, which is that Steve as a character has a lot of plot armor that Tony doesn't. Steve decides what he thinks is moral and what he thinks is immoral, and he simply does not do the immoral thing. And the thing is that the narrative helps Steve out with this. It's fine if he's idealistic! It's even okay if his ideals are naive! He almost never has to go against them. I am saying this as a big fan of Steve. The story really helps him out.

For example, Steve thinks that killing is wrong, so he doesn't kill anyone, generally speaking. (Depending on the retcon you believe in, he may have in fact killed zero people in World War II, which is kind of ridiculous.) But in situations where the best of the options involves killing someone, someone pretty much always ends up dead. It's just that someone else does the dirty work. Steve surrounds himself with a lot of spies and assassins (Bucky, Sharon, Natasha) and those people kill the people who need killing.

In Civil War, Steve believes Registration is wrong, and he never has to change his mind. He probably still believes it's wrong. Instead of going on trial, he dies; he never has to face the consequences of any of his actions. The narrative shields him from that. When he comes back to life, Registration is gone and he gets a pardon from the president. It's all taken care of. He causes a lot of damage, and he doesn't even have to say he's sorry for trying to bash Tony's face in, in public, with witnesses, after having destroyed what looks like several city blocks.

So Steve never compromises his principles, because he has the luxury afforded to him by the plot so that he almost never has to be in a situation where he'd have to decide whether he should compromise his principles, say, for the sake of the greater good. He doesn't have to make that choice, because Marvel's not interested in writing stories where Steve has to make that choice. So it just… doesn't come up. He almost never has to put his ethics to an actual test. If you hand Steve the trolley problem, he'd just say, well, I'd save everyone. That's not an actual option in the trolley problem. But he's pretty much always going to be in a plot where he gets to do the right thing and save everyone.

Tony, though? Tony has to do terrible things for the sake of the greater good all the time. He doesn't get to opt out of the decisions. Even on a personal level, he has to do terrible things to himself. He has to decide probably at least half a dozen times whether he should wear the armor even if wearing the armor is hurting him -- say, when he decides to take on the LMD in the arc where he gets his first artificial heart, or in Armor Wars II, or in that storyline in the middle of Busiek's run after he gets beaten up by the Mandarin. And he always decides to wear the armor no matter what the personal cost is to his body. He ends up in a lot of fights where he has to take pretty bad damage to save the world -- and while Steve would also make that decision, Steve's going to heal up and be fine, like in his recent run where Bucky shoots him in the shoulder. He has a healing factor and he's fine in a couple weeks. Tony breaks his back in order to save civilians and then gets addicted to morphine and ruins his life for a good long while. That kind of stuff, with lasting physical consequences, just doesn't happen to Steve. Let's not talk about Streets of Poison.

It's pretty obvious when you look at their biggest fights (say, Civil War and the incursions) that Tony believes that the ends justify the means, and Steve doesn't. However, Steve doesn't exactly have usable alternate suggestions. The plot armor helps him out there. Steve espouses extremely noble ideas, life and liberty and all that… that are not actually workable plans.

And because of how the narrative treats him, he doesn't really need to have workable plans, either. It's not like he actually uses them. Because he's just going to be fine. (Except in the incursions, but everyone came back to life afterward so it's all fine.)

Steve doesn't like the SHRA. Okay. Fine. He believes it's an unjust law. His plan is apparently to just… keep fighting Tony and anyone else who tries to take him into custody for not registering. What's his endgame? Does he have one? His plan appears to be "be on the run from the government forever." As far as I can remember, he would prefer the situation to go back to the way it was but he does not, to my knowledge, ever propose a way of achieving that. He's not out there saying the law itself should be found unconstitutional or anything.

Similarly, with the incursions, after the Gauntlet breaks, the Illuminati have no solution for an incursion that isn't building bombs and destroying the other Earth in the incursion. Either they act to destroy the other Earth, or through inaction, both Earths are destroyed. Big ol' trolley problem. Steve refuses to play. Steve says he can't countenance that. Excellent moral stance. It's very him. He says, "I believe we'll find a way to stop it." He doesn't have any ideas besides "not the thing Tony is doing," which appears to also be his stance about the SHRA. If they'd let Steve stay in the Illuminati… what would he have done? I suppose the possibility exists that if he managed to flip one of the scientists to his side he'd get them to think up an alternate answer. He could have suggested that everyone evacuate Earth. But he doesn't actually have an idea, personally for what to do. Other than "nobody should die."

(That isn't even what happens, in the end. Of course, by the end, Steve is trying to hunt Tony down and kill him, so you could argue that he's not really behaving much like himself there, and neither is Tony.)

Anyway. When you think about it, what Steve wants and what Tony wants, in both scenarios, is pretty much the same thing. They have the same values and the same goals; it's just that the paths they're willing to take are different. But when it comes down to it, they both actually want the exact same thing. Like they do most of the time. They both want to save the world. Except now they're fighting about how to get what they want. The fights are about the details. At least in 616.

We can contrast 616 Civil War with MCU Civil War. I have actually only watched CACW once, so this is going to be fun and possibly inaccurate. The 616 SHRA and the MCU Accords are, very broadly speaking, about the same general topic: government oversight of superheroes. In the MCU, after the disaster in Lagos, the UN decides that they can't just have the Avengers running around wherever they want, exploding things and getting people killed. Tony agrees with the need for UN oversight. Steve does not; he feels that the Avengers should be able to go wherever they need to go without getting caught up in red tape. Here in the MCU, Steve and Tony not only disagree on what the right thing to do is, they disagree on what the right outcome should be, and the reasons for that. Steve wants things the way they were. Tony would be okay with some amount of oversight. They both have different visions of the way the Avengers would look and operate, because they value different things; Steve wants autonomy and Tony wants accountability. The fight isn't just about the details. The fight is about everything.

This isn't the case in 616 Civil War. No one is fighting for (or against) "I, a superhero, should be able to go wherever I want for superhero reasons." UN oversight is one of those things that all the Avengers, including Steve, have agreed about for years; there are panels of Steve asking to get UN clearance before the Avengers zip off to Russia to save Tony. What happens in 616 is that an inexperienced superhero team gets into a fight they can't control, destroying a school in Stamford, CT, with massive casualties. The SHRA is a US bill saying that all American superhumans (which is probably thousands of people) should register with the government, receive training if they want to be heroes, and provide the government with their real names.

Both Steve and Tony are opposed to this, before Stamford. Then, when Stamford happens, Tony realizes the SHRA is happening no matter what and decides to support it. Even with the SHRA in effect, both Steve and Tony think there should be superhuman oversight; Steve just thinks it should be the teams training people up, the same way as they've always done. They don't even disagree about that; Tony also thinks they should be in charge of oversight, but he means himself (and Steve if Steve would ever join him). The people training superheroes would in fact still be them, both of them, no matter which side wins the war. Neither of them trust the government to handle Registration well. Steve's answer is to object to the very idea of Registration and to stay away from the government, and Tony's answer is to get in there and keep the superhero database in his own head so that Gyrich won't get the list of names and start sending Sentinels after everyone.

So they both massively distrust the government's presumed right and/or ability to safely do this, and want to protect superheroes from government oversight as much as possible. That's basically the same stance. Steve just thinks no one should get anywhere near the government, and Tony thinks if he gets in there he can make it less bad. He can be the guy doing the oversight. People who don't register might get arrested but at least they won't be killed by Sentinels, because he can stop that from happening. Steve isn't willing to imprison his friends at all, probably because he doesn't believe Tony when Tony says the only other option is death (i.e., they can't go back to the way things were -- although of course that's eventually what ends up happening, albeit long after Civil War is over). He probably thinks there's a secret third option, because for him there usually is. But what they basically want is the same thing. Tony's just willing to go a little farther than Steve is to get there.

Sure, Tony's plans aren't perfect. But he does have them. Sometimes they're really lousy, because sometimes there is no good solution. I acknowledge that he does a lot of things in Civil War that are actually pretty rotten. I am saying this as a fan of Tony. He does some bad things. He starts a war with Atlantis. He manipulates Peter Parker into unmasking, which has terrible consequences. He builds a prison. He imprisons a lot of his friends. But none of these things involve the government massacring superhumans. The one really, really bad future he's afraid of doesn't happen. (And we know, thanks to that one What If issue, that that's exactly what would happen if he weren't running Registration.) Other bad things happen, yes. But not that, which is the worst.

Steve doesn't want anything bad to happen. Steve just wants the good solutions, with no moral or ethical compromise on his part. and he usually gets them eventually by narrative fiat. Sometimes he has to die first -- which is, of course, what happens in Civil War -- but, eh, whatever, it's comics. That's not really a major drawback for superheroes. And eventually he gets what he wants, because comics return to the status quo. Everything goes back to the way it was.

It's the same thing with the incursions. Neither Steve nor Tony want their Earth to be destroyed, obviously, but Tony is willing to build bombs to destroy the other Earths in case they can't find any other solution. Steve says he thinks there will be another way. And neither of them want to use the bombs! Tony doesn't want to use them at all! The Illuminati don't actually find themselves in a situation where they have to decide whether to bomb a populated Earth until the Great Society incursion, and Tony refuses to be the one to do it. After Namor does it, Tony is distraught and says he thought they'd find another way -- which is the exact same thing Steve said to him except nobody kicked Tony off the Illuminati for saying it. They both have the same attitude. They want the same outcome. They don't want to use the bombs. It's just that Tony's willing to build them. They're pretty much on the same side here about everything (including the desire to not bomb other planets) except the lengths to which Tony is willing to go to have a backup plan. Just like Civil War.

I suppose I would say that, overall, comparing Steve and Tony's relative ethics seems hard to do in a way that is fair to both of them because Steve is so often given the ability to stick to his beliefs in a way that Tony isn't. "What does Steve do when he actually can't do the right thing" is one of those questions that doesn't seem to get explored all that much, except possibly at the end of Hickman's Avengers run, in which everything was going to hell anyway, and it wasn't like he got to be in Secret Wars to try to fix it. He does also tend to quit being Captain America when he doesn't like the government, although I think in that case that's more that doing the right thing at that time is Not Being Captain America.

(Secret Avengers is also a pretty good look at a Steve who has to do bad things and really, really doesn't like the things he's doing. He doesn't handle compromising his own values all that well. I think that would be a whole other essay.)

But anyway, yeah -- I think 616 Steve and Tony are on the same side when they fight, more than you might think they are given how many panels we have of them dramatically punching each other. Tony believes that the ends justify the means, and essentially, a lot of their fights are because Steve disagrees with Tony's means -- but he is very often 100% on board with Tony's actual motives, which I think is a fact that often gets lost when we start talking about their conflicts, because at that point we… want to talk about their conflicts. But I think they really do agree with each other a lot, which is what makes their conflicts so interesting and painful.

[gozine-translate]

Terminally-ill Genius Dark Knight - 153

153: Hell Party [1]

At Eldain Academy, countless students, and excellent ones at that, are admitted every year. But if you were to ask whether everyone graduates safely, I’d have to say definitely not.

Since the academy trains students to hunt demons, and the curriculum is extremely demanding, many end up dropping out due to the excessive pressure. Even if they can become honored knights or wizards praised by everyone, most of the entrants are nobles.

These students have lived their entire lives as rulers, lording over others, most of them treating commoners like slaves.

Now, they’re forced to study in the same space as commoners, breathe the same air, and even team up with them. It can't be helped that many of them drop out despite their desire for glory.

Is that all?

When facing demons, before they know it, they realize their own powerlessness. Whether they hit the limits of their own talents or feel frustrated by someone more talented, such situations occur frequently here. This is exactly what Eldain Academy is.

Thus, feeling worried or hurt after listening to a such circumstance, Seeing such a thing, it's only natural that students end up leaving, creating vacancies. Therefore, Eldain has a solution for this.

Every year when about 30% of the new students drop out, They fill those spots with qualified transfer students

Of course, mainly, most of these are noble recommendations, so commoners rarely get this opportunity.

But, the possibility is definitely there.

'Moreover, in this transfer, the academy's admission rule of allowing only three students per family has been completely abolished.'

And, I utilized this and successfully enrolled all my units into the Eldain Academy. There was no reason to hesitate since this would be of great help later on.

'Allen and Hats, the twins from the Reinhaver family, will probably enroll soon. The admission criteria for transfer students were relaxed only recently.'

Considering Priscilla's personality, who dotes on her children, it would be strange if they didn't come here.

I just hope that the academy’s reputation doesn’t suffer.

Anyway, they aren't my concern.

If there is one problem for me, it’s the rather excessive personalities of my units that sprawled out in front of me.

Each of them is insane, and I’m in a position who has to control them… So what can I do? I’ve trained my body for moments like this.

From the olden times, for those who don’t listen, a good beating is the answer.

Sitting in a secret cafe in the inner part of commercial district, I began speaking to them as they looked at me.

"First, I welcome you all here. But before we get to further discussion, keep one thing in mind"

I said in a clear voice.

"If you defy me, you will be dismissed."

As if exhaling a stream of cold, white air. A chill, cold as a winter wind, swept over the units in front of me. They must have sensed that a tough journey had begun.

But it cannot be helped.

Their fate was set in stone the moment they became my units.

----------------------------------------

Noah von Trinity. The dean of Eldain Academy, was currently troubled by a number of issues.

The first was the recent darkness that had infiltrated the academy, the demonkin (Majin) [see note below] and the interference of the royal family. Lately, the first prince, Louis von Arkheim has excessively changed the power balance with his interference.

The "Foolish Emperor" Esteban. Her former comrade from the past, the emperor had already become a fool. He collapsed along with his lost wife. And Noah seemed to know who was behind this.

'The royal family.. No, to be more precise, you can say the culprit is the demon who infiltrated Royal family and made Esteban a fool'

The once wise emperor’s downfall and corruption, the one that instigated this was definitely a demon.

'But what will happen if that child learns the whole truth?'

This wasn’t about Nox. But it was about someone just as important as him, Someone deeply connected to Esteban von Arkheim, who currently ends up as a puppet ruler.

As Noah thought this, she shook her head. There wasn’t time to worry about that now.

"The demons are expanding their influence. There is news of more lands being corrupted, and people losing their minds and going on rampages."

The incident at the Avilat gambling house was the same. If Nox hadn’t shown up, the tragedy would’ve been much worse.

Though it’s frustrating for Nox that wherever he goes, a major demon appears…

'Well, it’s his fate. But…'

Noah, crossing her legs, popped a stick of candy into her mouth.

Crunch—.

As she swallowed it, a thought crossed her mind.

'What if he is deliberately throwing himself into the midst of demons?'

The idea seemed far-fetched.

Even someone as talented as her hasn't been able to develop a tool to track demons. She had skilled alchemists working on it, but there had been no success. This was why she hadn’t been able to hunt down a demon currently disguised as a professor at Eldain. All Noah could do now was follow the stench.

So there was no way Nox had some ability to track demons. Of course, there’s never a 100% certainty, but…

The thought still seemed far-fetched.

Therefore, Noah decided to keep watching him a little longer.

If. If Nox got involved in another incident related to the 72 demons? She should consider that he may possess a radar to find a demon. She will ask Nox directly when that time comes.

With that in mind, Noah finished her candy and got up from her seat.

"Anyway, the priority is to help Nox improve his skills. That woman… she will teach him well, right?"

Though Noah was the dean, she was terrible at teaching, which is why she brought in her friend. She hoped she could help Nox.

Before she knew it, Noah was becoming a dean who was devoted to her role as a teacher. even if she didn’t think of herself that way.

----------------------------------------

"Seriously, young master, you don’t look happy to see me at all! How can you be so rough with my poor ‘pretty’ ears when it’s been so long since we last met?! And now I’m not even just a maid for the mansion. I’m your personal maid! You should treat me more preciously!"

As expected, Rona de Nero was loud when we reunited.

But seriously, weren't you volunteered to be my personal maid? Why are you blaming me?

Absurd. I answered dismissively

"You’re noisy. And if you don’t stop talking just like Christopher, I won’t let it slide. Got it?"

"Young master!"

Rona fumed, but it didn’t matter to me. After all, I’ve seen this behavior countless times, so it doesn’t faze me anymore. Such a situation can't even make a light scratch to me, who know Rona well since I've seen her in this world twentieth times

Clatter.

At the same time, I can see a man setting down a teacup. A young man with rare red hair, red eyes, and bronzed skin. Another familiar unit, Kushan Adrian.

"Haha. Today's just as lively and warm as ever. Our ancestors teach us that a good ruler attracts good people and I think that's definitely true. Serving young master, is the greatest fortune of my life"

‘What? Gross…'

I recoiled, startled.

Kushan gave a satisfied smile, apparently under the delusion that the atmosphere among the units was harmonious.

I'm dumbfounded.

Does this really look harmonious to you? There’s no way the eyes of the unit I carefully recruited are that blind, right?

For your reference. Zitri is busy assessing the current situation. Her eyes are darting around is the proof. I'm not sure. She’s probably trying to figure out where to start and how to manage this insane group of people, this chaotic bunch of units.

Besides, she’s dealing with a penalty right now.

Zitri, who can handle Christopher with ease, can't bring herself to criticize one particular member of this party.

Rona de Nero.

Of course, while I wonder if she is actually a garbage unit that should be scorned, Zitri doesn’t think the same. Surprisingly, Rona has a warm side to her.

She was the only one who reached out to Zitri when no one else believed in her. And she even helped Zitri get along with other maids within and outside the family. So, Zitri can’t treat Rona harshly or push her away.

For me, it's a bit a shame.

Suddenly a suspicion arose. How did such harsh words come out of such a small, delicate-looking girl? Even I, who’s cleared the Inner Lunatic 27 times, still can’t fully understand it.

'haa….'

A sigh slipped out of me before I realized it. My eyes briefly met Zitri's, and I could see the dark circles forming under her eyes. We’re probably both dealing with similar worries, but she’s likely also thinking of me as someone to keep an eye on, given how I’ve been sneaking out lately and getting into all sorts of dangerous situations.

She’s probably thinking, 'The young master isn’t a ruffian, but he’s still dangerous.'

'Of course, the others are much worse.'

I quietly took a good look around at the units. To sum it up, it was a complete mess.

"Noo… hiccup! Husband… I really hate studying… of all things, why did you bring me…Hiccup….to a school like this… hiccup"

"Erina! Here, this is hangover medicine! Take it quickly!"

"Don't want! I don’t wanna eat something bitter…! Mmph!"

"Noisy! open your mouth!"

May is doing her best on the front lines, so Erina should snap out of it and wake up soon. Thank goodness. I couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Zitri had the same reaction. She's a maid who connects very well with me.

Even so, it was impossible for May to control a unit she just met.

"As expected, isn't the whole 'young master from a noble family' thing a lie? How could you gather such a bunch of people like this if you're not a gangster?"

That last comment was from Prim, by the way.

Whack!

"Ow!"

I smacked him right on the head. This brat's secretly trying to take advantage of the chaos to get ahead.

My mind became overwhelmed in an instant, but I endured with grit and determination.

'If there is a good thing, is that no one outside this room will hear the conversations happening here.'

But even that's not perfect. I can sense a strange mana around. While it doesn’t seem hostile towards me, it’s clearly testing me.

"For now, everyone shut up."

Since they were being so noisy, I decided to speak up like the ruffian I am. All gazes were instantly concentrated on me. I kept going as if it was natural.

"First off, I want you all to know there’s a reason I’ve gathered you here at Eldain Academy. Each of you has a role to play here, and you’re going to support me."

"Support…"

May clenched her fists with a determined look on her face. She’s clearly eager to help me. As expected, she's the only normal unit in our party.

What would I do without Zitri and May?

'I don’t even want to imagine.'

From the olden times, thinking about the worst-case scenario gives you hope. I was relieved that the grim future without these two wouldn't come and calmly looked ahead.

"Your objective….. What exactly do you need us to do?"

Kushan raised his hand slightly as he asked. I slowly lowered my eyes and scanned him and the others as I spoke. My words were slow but precise.

"There’s a demonkin (Majin) hiding here at the academy. A demon, and not just any demon, but one who’s made a pact with one of the 72 demons. They’re hiding their true identity and spreading their evil influence."

The chatter among the units suddenly died down after my shocking revelation. Their gazes turned towards me, filled with thick fear and dread, and an intense hostility towards the demon.

"Young master, is that… really true?"

“Yeah.”

I answered Rona's question nonchalantly. Then, I clenched my fists and added with determination.

"I’m going to kill them. And for that, I need you all to be here."

Their gazes hardened. Now they finally understand who they got under. They knew what kind of ruffian they were serving.

This crazy hell party has a very simple goal.

'To wipe out all demons, I need to build my faction and strengthen my units. To do that, I have to start by taking over everything here at Eldain, the main stage where the events unfold.'

To put it simply, that’s it. I’m about to enjoy my medieval fantasy school life…

Making friends…no, subordinates, monopolizing the academy’s key episodes and hidden pieces. Well, stuff like that.

just like a trivial game-like stuff? …. it would be something like that…

Of course, it’s the worst game filled with tough demons and nerve-wracking battles, but still.

----------------------------------------

Eldain Academy has many facilities for students, but none are as popular as the cafe 'Afternoon Teatime.' It’s located right in the middle of the 4th Commercial District.

Just a moment ago, a woman with a voluptuous figure visited this place. Astrid von Kaliud. She’s a longtime friend of Noah von Trinity ['Witch of Ice'] and one of the last surviving dragonkin, those who inherited the blood of a dragon believed to have gone extinct. Existence that known as the last survivor.

Astrid, with her orange hair glowing faintly, was staring intently at one place. The boy she had followed into the cafe. It was Nox von Reinhaver, whom she was meant to look after.

And she knew.

Nox von Reinhaver.

The cheeky brat already knew she was watching him. He had already sensed her presence and figured out her magic.

‘This is going to be fun, isn’t it?’

Astrid smiled. Yes, she was just as crazy as Noah. That’s how it is with those known as the "Four Sages."

Meanwhile, Nox smirked.

'So, she’s finally here. One of the current Four Sages, [Flame Mage] Astrid von Kaliud, who’s going to become my master soon.'

Nox had already figured everything out. He knew Noah would assign her as his magic instructor.

'Things are about to get interesting.'

Nox smiled.

How much could he squeeze out of this time? With that thought, Nox felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

Like a child holding onto cotton candy, he was excited like a child who had a screw loose somewhere. As if he had long craved a twisted sense of power.

Just like Noah in the past.

----------------------------------------

Note/Question

Can anyone tell me what "majin" translates to in English? You know, like in Majin Buu, etc? I felt "demon" would fit, but it could be confusing since "majin" means "demon person" in a more literal sense. Whereas in the novel "demons/akuma" and "majin" are different entities

----------------------------------------

Main [마인] = Majin [魔人] = Manusia iblis. Ada yg tau bahasa inggrisnya manusia iblis? Kayaknya kalau 'demon person' kurang pas ini '_'

Thanks

[rhiannons-bird]

okay so I‘M FINALLY READING SWORD CATCHER AND I HAVE THOUGHTS

I‘m only about halfway through but I need to rant

- it‘s incredible how well cassie manages to lend a unique voice to each of her characters every single time. she just doesn’t miss does she?

- lin caster is the awesomest girl. i just love her because she reminds me of other cc girls in the way that she is kind of a very typical heroine on the surface but you can actually feel her emotions and she’s very believable & flawed & human and you just can’t help rooting for her + i love her friendship with mariam

- everyone is bisexual & it’s completely normalised i love it here

- lin & conor??? apparently they are the flagship which I know because I took a peek at the tag after they had two scenes together because the ENERGY OMG

- ahh yes, conor 😌 another pretty man with issues who’s in a lot of trouble and likes to cover it up with sarcasm, pompous behaviour, fancy clothes & vanity- you just can’t help but love it

- but also he‘s the biggest prick and i want him to have some sense beat into him by everyone around him

- like he qualifies for a huge growth arc but it could also go downhill and turn into sth ugly

- anyone had a weird sense of déjà vu about him and lin after that one little excerpt about adessa and suleman? like, she’s an ashkar with probably immense magical potential let’s be real i see where this is going and he‘s a prince (future king) with marivent blood 🤔🤔🤔

- conor‘s frat boy posse make my blood boil- especially with the way they talked about antonetta in that one scene 🤢🤮

- falconet is the nicest one by far but he‘s sus as hell i know he’s up to sth 🤨 but i rly wanna like him 😭

- the ragpicker king is just a cool dude who dresses emo and has people murdered on the regular i guess i love him. he’s hot. - kaz energy but also very different at the same time. can‘t wait to see more of him. and there’s def more to him.

- also no, andreyen, i don‘t understand either what people mean about ji-an having an off putting manner i‘m pretty convinced she‘s never done anything wrong in her entire life 💗except for the murder what murder

- kel can only be described as a calmly unhinged cinnamon roll. he reminds me a little of james (especially with his „mask“) but if you orphaned him & janked up the loyalty & sluttiness by a hundred

- like fr he is so confused just running around threatening and/or kissing people wtf 😭✋🏼 he just has chemistry with everyone he interacts with lol

- kel & conor remind me of matthew & james but if there was a big power imbalance and a everything is a little more fucked up 🙃

- generally the way power & power dynamics are portrayed and handled is very interesting i like it

- antonetta has my entire heart ❤️

- I need more of her but as an individual not just through kel‘s pov, so far i’m not very big on whatever is being hinted at with her and kel

- I adore merren just like everyone else, he‘s kind of giving a weird mix of christopher/matthew/wylan and I‘m here for it. plus: autism coded character yeass

- also nice to see some jewish rep. (i did not know cassie was jewish before lol) the ashkar are really interesting (& as far as their treatment by the rest of the world goes at times infuriating😤) to read about and add a lot of depth to the world building.

- i love how we see the complexities of their culture portrayed through lin who on the one hand is deeply ingrained in it and holds/has received a lot of love & care for/from her own people while also having been wronged & ostracised by them and how both can be true simultaneously

- as someone who‘s very familiar with multiple romance languages the languages in this book are incredibly entertaining to me

- SO MANY SECRETS & political intrigue hehehe rubbing my little hands together can’t wait for all this to escalate (because it most certainly will) 😈

bottom line

I’m really glad i finally started reading this.

it took me a while to get into it & I’m still holding out on a final judgement since it seems very slow but i’m a patient reader and i appreciate a good setup.

also I want a creepy black crocodile pool in my house now.

[asleepinawell]

assorted dawntrail thoughts below in no particular order. they range all over the place

loved the first half of the msq story. super fun, cool areas, interesting npcs, paced out pretty nicely. traveling around meeting/helping people and learning about cultures is what the wol thrives on and that is their type of vacation imo. shard of azem behavior

wuk lamat is one of my fave characters in the whole series. himbos stay winning. the amount of (usually bigoted) hate she's getting just makes me like her more. people seem mad that the wol wasn't the main character but i prefer it that way. they are there to help people!

erenville 😢. enjoyed his parts and man i felt so bad for him in the last area

krile finally got more time on screen but it did feel like her main bit was crunched in at the end kinda

alpacas 💯💯💯💯💯💯

overall the scions got a lot less screen time which was mostly fine. one thing I'd really been hoping for in dt was that y'shtola would finally get the focused arc that almost all the other scions have (krile was the other odd one out until now). and boy did the opposite of that happen. i don't know why they made the choice to basically not include her at all but it sucked. estinien was the other one who got almost no screentime but he had a whole xpac about him already. so yeah, that was my biggest negative overall. sometimes i wonder if there's some writers who don't like her or if the fact many fans hate her influences the focus on her. she's my favorite character in the whole game so, yeah, disappointed

second half of the msq. hmmm. shaaloani felt like a filler area and was meh though i got a laugh because of course they put dinosaurs in the wild west area. it did feel a little "wooooo cowboys!!! and oh native americans maybe exist, moving on". I'm not going to make any comments about cultural sensitivity stuff in dt since i think there are other people better qualified to examine that, but this part did feel like everything not yeehaw cowboys was an afterthought

the sphene part of the story confused me, as in i was confused why they went with that. it felt so much like the amaurot story which... we've already done? yeah there were some differences but it had the same vibes and themes. it was fine? just a weird choice. wish zoraal ja had had a little more going on beyond daddy issues for someone we spent a lot of time dealing with. i felt like i didn't even know what his relationship with his father was like. there was some piece of story tying into his motivation and past that was missing. sphene was more interesting though i wish they hadn't gone the route of 'she was programmed to do this so you can't dissuade her' and kept it more as her choice. i'm not saying i wanted her to be 'evil' just that it makes her more interesting if she's acting with free will

las vegas as the last zone lmao. kinda bummed the area stays dark now. like yes it makes sense for the story but it's now a much less visually interesting area to run around and that's a shame. it would have been fun to fly through and now it's just bland and empty

gulool ja should NOT be in charge of a city, he should NOT be at the club, he should be playing tag with ga bu in the park and living his best life. I'm taking him into protective custody

VERMEDICA ii

cities! tulliyolal is great! they did a really nice job of making it feel alive and bustling. it will probably be my main city to hang out in for the xpac because... solution 9... just was not a fan. it feels huge and empty and has elevator music. i like cyberpunk bi lighting but it just isn't enough to save it for me. ah well. neither of them can replace radz in my heart but i didn't expect them to

dungeons. they were all pretty and i liked how they incorporated little events into them like zoraal ja blocking a path. i wasn't crazy about most of the boss fights. they're definitely harder than ew mechanics but it was more that i didn't find them intuitive. I'm sure I'll learn them eventually but the types of mechanics in them just weren't fun ones to me. also i do them all duty support and while it seems like they've broadened the ai abilities for the npcs they also added a ton more aoe and line marker mechanics and those SUCK with npcs because the npcs will run to a predefined location with theirs regardless of what you do and they sometimes wait to do this until the extremely last second. so you move to be somewhere safe and oh no alisaie what are you doing *dead*. this happened a bunch in dead ends and mothercrystal (urianger..... you know what you did) and i was hoping they'd make less of those situations but no they made MORE. so in addition to learning the mechanics you also have to learn where the npcs are going to run. once you know you know but it's frustrating the first time through when your own buddies are killing you

trials. the first one was fine. second one i Did Not Enjoy (also hope that a wipe in the second half only sets you back to phase 2 start because the cs....). third one i really liked though i still have no clue what happened in that one part. you know which part. fortunately a healer survived it to lb3 us so we didn't wipe. i don't even want to imagine what the ex of that will be like. it was a nice ending trial

i was having a harder time than usual seeing mechanics in dungeons through my own ability effects (old and new) for most of the boss fights and i figured it was just me but some of my friends reported the same issue. not 100% sure what is going on there. i only have my own effects on and i really don't want to turn them down but :(

two of my favorite cute little moments: 1) when wuk lamat was despairing that zoraal ja brought back the fancy alpaca and then apologized to her own alpaca and told it it was great and it did a little step towards her to encourage her 😭. i just loved the alpacas okay. 2) vrtra showing up! and then azdaja doing a tiny roar!! crying yelling throwing up etc

i did all the side quests as i went and I'm glad i did. especially in the first half they felt like they added to the whole learning about new people main story and there were some fun ones. i had to catch a hyper cat in solution 9... that's my sort of quest

I've only done the magical dps role quest so far. comparing notes with someone who did a different one it seems like the role quests are very silly storywise this time. it wasn't the most exciting story but i liked my npc buddy and the final duty wasn't bad

job gear looks fantastic except for poor pld who is cursed to be a shiny knight forever. gnb coat is superb. blm wins though i think. cat staff!

i had to turn off shout chat when i got to solution 9 because i guess that's where all the cool kids hang out to talk about how much they hate the game they're paying to play. i haven't switched it back on and am enjoying blissful silence

i swear we've seen that world traveling key thing before???? it looked so familiar. also looked ascian which would make sense. they should not have left it with my son he is going to make a blue raspberry slushie in it or something horrible. please give it to an adult

i haven't been looking at too much in the way of interviews or speculation about the raid series, but my guess is it will involve the ascian(s) who were on whichever shard alexandria is. my crack theory is one of them is, uh, duedaf...duedalus...dudeathon........ whatever i'll get it eventually, because the constellation from their stone is an upside down triangle like the ones on the robot faces. big if true. a friend told me there was something that might have looked like part of an ascian sigil in sphene's outfit decoration but i wouldn't have recognized it on sight

pct is great. hanmer time! i am not a 'serious' gamer and i am so pleased to have a new job with a not serious aesthetic. vpr i am trying very hard to like but so far the gameplay style hasn't vibed for me

have i mentioned i love the alpacas? the ear wiggles!!!!!!!!

i probably forgot a ton of stuff but those are my rambles for now

[keepthedelta]

https://www.tumblr.com/keepthedelta/749632894793826305/wait-does-that-mean-mercedes-max-wouldve

wait i need u to elaborate on that last bit bc i am So Intrigued

i think that them being teammates is really the thing that broke them. because if they hadn't been teammates, even if they had been championship rivals (a bit like lewis and seb) they would have been able to maintain their friendship at least somewhat.

because one of the biggest issues for both nico and lewis was how the team treated them. some of this is down to bad management imo, but fundamentally there can never be true equality between teammates, because there will always be one person in front of the other. in races, the person in front will usually get preferential strategy (although mercedes didn't do this on several occasions and nearly fucked things up) but sometimes team orders force drivers to do things for the team that they would rather not do (see nico letting lewis through in monaco 2016, or holding position behind lewis even though he was faster in malaysia 2013, or lewis being told to let nico through in hungary 2014). if you obey the team it can have a negative effect on the driver because they feel like they're accepting the secondary place in a team, but if you don't obey the team they're less likely to help you out. nico has also spoken about having to force the team to treat them more equally even in regards to who got to out first for a lap in qualifying, because if you don't force it, the team will always take the easiest way out.

being teammates and rivals is a very specific pressure cooker. lewis was able to maintain a good relationship with valtteri, because valtteri never challenged him (although the treatment from the team was incredibly negative for valtteri). lewis was always the priority, so he had the full team's support in a way that he didn't when nico was there, because there was always half a garage full of people that didn't want him to win. it became so factional that toto decided to swap some of the mechanics around to ease the tension in the team.

the other major factor in this is the car itself. a championship fight between teammates will always be more difficult because they have the same car. when you're fighting someone in a different car, there are a thousand engineering factors that can affect your speed and manoeuvrability. when you're in the same car, the driver is the major factor. it's why lewis and sky and cultLH went so hard on the sabotage theories in 2016, because they didn't want to admit that nico was ever better than lewis, and in several very crucial races, he really was.

plus, when teammates collide, as championship rivals often do, stewards tend not to give as many or as harsh penalties, and teams will never fight for a penalty, because that's still their driver that they would be arguing against. when the two alpines collided in australia last year, it probably should have been a penalty, but the stewards let it go because it was french on french violence. if pierre had hit someone from another team, it would have been a penalty. equally, if nico had hit anyone other than lewis in spa 2014, or lewis had hit anyone other than nico in spain 2016, they probably would have received penalties. but because the team won't fight for that, all of the consequences and punishment has to come from within the team, and depending on how that is handled, it can very easily lead to resentment and accusations of favouritism.

so if brocedes hadn't been teammates, i think they would have been able to be happy for each other's success. if nico had won with mercedes for at least a few years (i still think he would have retired around 2016 to be with his family more) while lewis was at red bull or ferrari, they would have been able to stay friends. in any other universe, even if they had fought for a championship, i think they wouldn't have got divorced, because the thing that broke them was being teammates

[emptymasks]

okay so kokobot....

for those that don’t know, it’s a bot on tumblr where you vent your problem and it sends the message on to another tumblr user who then can reply. the bot acts a a middle man between these messages to keep both users anonymous. it’s advertising itself by spamming every tumblr users dms with self promo.

i know it’s not a scam. but they can’t blame people for thinking it is when they spam dm people. that’s not a good way to market. they should be relying on their own posts and posts of their users, otherwise they run the risk of being reported for spam too many times.

if it’s really helping you, okay good. i believe you. it just worries me that this system basically encourages people who are already mentally ill to be vented to by others, and runs the risk of encouraging people on this site to act like therapists and when they’re not qualified. it’s anonymous so good, it’s like anonymous pen pals, but just for talking about your mental health and issues and vent and encourage and give advice to others, which again none of us are qualified for and could end up making someone’s mental health worse. and then some are making friends, talking about other things, sharing their usernames so they can connect non-anonymously. which does worry me about potentially children responding to adults anonymous problems, the damage it could to do child users, whether they’re matched up with other minors or with adults who could take advantage of their problems.

i see people saying they’re thankful for it. i also see people saying it’s made them feel worse as they’ve gotten horrible replies from people, which sadly was always going to happen and i don’t blame kokobot for users who are using kokobot to bully and troll, that behaviour happens anywhere. though maybe it could have some sort of process to vet people idk how that would work. i’ve also seen a lot of people who like using it upset because it has randomly disappeared or disconnected them and now they can’t find the anonymous people they were making friends with.

it’s probably just something where you need to be smart and careful how you use it. if you know you get triggered easily or feel guilty or sad if you can’t fix other people’s problems, i would say don’t use it. if you want to use it and don’t see any problems, go ahead. just don’t instantly give out your username, don’t give out personal information. i know i’m basically saying have common sense, but with something that is marketing itself to vulnerable mentally ill people i can’t expect everyone using it to be in a good place to act safely. which worries me. yes it’s anonymous, but it seems to already be a common trend to tell people your tumblr username to come off anonymous. so be careful.

[llycaons]

came to the conclusion as I have several times before that I am simply not cut out for my job. I am bad at it, slow and a poor communicator and passive and easily overwhelmed. they said it would take about a year (from hiring? or from being on my own? either way) but whatever makes people slip into the flow and anticipate needs and Know The Supplies, maybe I would have gotten it had I gotten the normal training. maybe I wouldn't have. its easy to say 'oh I'm struggling because I'm in a unique situation' and maybe that's true, but I had trouble long before we got the Unique Training part, and then since the training was so different I had trouble with that, to the exasperation of my trainers and co-workers. and it really didn't feel good every day to know you're not living up the expectations and standards of the people around you, to know without a doubt they're all smarter and more adaptable and quicker-thinking than you.

I'm doing okay now since I'm one of the very few people on my unit and they desperately need me, and leadership is covering for my inadequacies by sending me to do easy stuff when I need to get floated, but like...there are team members who are extremely hostile to me and its for good reason! and it makes it worse to know THEY'RE not the ones in the wrong. maybe they could be nicer, but if I truly had confidence in myself, it wouldn't bother me so much.

but I don't know what to do. there is no other job I can do with these qualifications and skills, and no way to leave this city until late next year. and I need this income. I'm going to limp along until I can safely extract myself, but until then, we'll all have to bear it. and it's a terrible thing, to know you're a burden on your team and that you're only here because everyone else has quit. if I thought I would ever actually put someone in danger, I'd of course leave immediately. but I'm doing relatively straightforward cases with very qualified people all around me, and I know the basics to keep people safe at least

I find myself thinking about my strongest critic, who quit a few months ago, and how much my failure to adapt may have led to that decision. maybe it's self-centered; there were many issues far before I came along. and they haven't spoken to even their closest friend here in months, so I think they probably resent this place a lot and want to leave it all behind, and I don't blame them

things have gotten so much better recently because of those staff members quitting and my manager waking up to realize she has to actually support us, and I don't dread going to work anymore, even to float. tho we haven't been canceled in ages 😔 I don't know, I think the true issue is that I just need more predictability and stability in the things I do on a day to day basis. I learn slowly, and I have trouble remembering things. ideally I would find a job where we do a limited type of low-acuity cases every day but still....pays as well? I don't know, I don't know. give this another year then I'm sure everyone will be happy to see my back.

it's difficult to see yourself as incompetent, disliked, and unwanted in your job, and not have that bleed over into your personal feelings about yourself. it's really hard. I think of my failures and the anger, contempt, and aggression that came to me as a result, and it really makes me nervous. we're doing cases in another part of the hospital soon, with different people. it was such a mess last time! why was I so overwhelmed?

it's frustrating. I know I can do some of these cases - even difficult ones like livers and kidneys- and do them perfectly competently. I'm fine in any belly case. I even enjoyed neuro. I just freeze up when I don't have confidence. I don't know what to do all the time! and I need to be in a situation where I do. I don't know how much work I can even do on my end to Not Be Like This. studying didn't seem to help, and I can't study from the internet anyway since every place does things differently.

I've always thought I'd either leave here and then go back home, or stay exactly in place, but I could still stay a year and then just get another job in the same place.

I've always wanted to get higher certification, but knowing the people around me are way more competent without having that, it feels like a joke. a slap in the face. I dont have anything neat to wrap this up with it's just. I've always been so good at school and so proud of that even when I don't have much else to lean on. so this feels really bad. I should contact my EAP counselor today

[umlewis]

undefined

lewis hamilton is interviewed on media day, australia - march 30, 2023 (transcription under the cut)

Lewis: "If you look at the last race, I think it was a decent result, given the pace disadvantage we had in qualifying. Obviously George did a fantastic job all weekend, put the car exactly where it needed to be. I struggled a little bit with the balance that I had but I still managed to get fifth, and we're second in the constructor's championship at the moment. We beat the Ferraris, who have definitely started with a better package than we have. We've got a great group of people that are working really hard back at the factory that are trying to fix the issues that we have, and yeah, it's not something that's gonna happen in one race. It's gonna take a few races, hopefully, as short as possible to get there. But this weekend, I think just hoping for some rain, if I'm really honest, because that'd make it a little more exciting from our point of view. But I'm just hoping the gap isn't a second, and I hope that we can just hit the ground running with the setup." Interviewer: "Well, I'm sure a lot of Team LH, as your fans are called, will be watching from home. A lot of people will know that you have a sort of Team LH at the track, as well. I wasn't in Saudi, but I noticed that it was the first race that Angela wasn't with you. She's off- [fans cheering] You'll be happy to see that she's still keeping up the paragliding, all the stuff that she's got into. As well as the importance of her to your team at the track-I know you work with Hintsa Performance, and you'll be looking for someone to replace that-but how important is that role, to have somebody so close to you helping you and getting you in the best physical shape, as well as everything else?" Lewis: "Well, when I started doing Formula 1, Hintsa was-my dear friend, Aki, who passed away from cancer-but he had a huge influence on me even getting into a team, and then he started up his company where he was servicing athletes, and I think pretty much all the drivers use Hintsa where medical, and trainer application, and physio, and stuff like that. But it's an incredibly challenging role, I think, for anyone in those positions. There's a lot of traveling, there's a lot of time away from family. You grow incredibly close together. If you're at dinner, or during your weekend and where you're traveling, it's usually you and your trainer or physio, and whether it's your family or whether it may be... It's incredibly intimate, in that sense, and you become great friends. Angela is living her life right now. She's got so many great ideas of things she wants to do. We message pretty much every day, just 'cause we share... She's [...], and we're still gonna skydive together. We're always gonna be in each other's lives. We're stuck with each other, unfortunately, [laughs] or fortunately. We've been through thick and thin, so I'm grateful that our relationship is as good as it is and I think we've probably had one of the longest relationships, I would say, in the sport, so I'm incredibly grateful for her and love her dearly, and yeah. I think now I've got... One of the guys, for example, Steve-O, has been with me since my first race in McLaren, is helping me out, as well as Santi, and yeah."

[blindbeta]

Hello! I wanted to ask about a character I’m thinking of and if this portrayal is ok?

He’s a blind witch, born blind in one eye so his depth perception is pretty off. He doesn’t tend to focus on having only a single seeing eye though and focuses much more on how he and his friends absolutely suck at magic as a whole. His story revolves around him learning magic and proving that he’s stronger than what bullies give him credit for but I’m unsure of how this is because the bullies in question DO bully him for being half blind (is that the term? I’m sorry if it isn’t!) and his struggles aren’t necessarily with blindness as much as they are with being horrible at something almost everyone is good at.

Describing Blindness and Monocular Vision, the Spectrum of Blindness, Bullying, and Character Arcs for Blind Characters

[Contains discussions of ableism and bullying]

What is his level of vision in his sighted eye? Technically, blindness is measured with someone’s “best” eye with best correction. Best eye in quotes, of course. Someone with monocular vision is considered disabled, but not necessarily always blind. Therefore, if you want him be blind, he would be blind in both eyes. Because blindness is a spectrum, he can have different levels of vision in his sighted eye, such as blind spots, only central vision, etc.

You asked if ‘half-blind’ was a term. It isn’t necessarily a term and using it can cause confusion about blindness. In the case of your character, it may also imply that his blindness is because of his totally blind eye rather than both eyes. Total blindness is not the only form of blindness. Blindness is a spectrum. So ‘half blind’ could be a confusing term to readers trying to understand blindness. If this is confusing, perhaps this video explaining the spectrum of blindness might help. In it, the user draws a line with fully sighted on one end, followed by visually impaired, severely sight impaired, registered or legally blind, and with fully blind at the end. This spectrum is not a perfect explanation, however, as some people with monocular vision may identify as partially sighted. Some people with light perception may still identify as totally or fully blind, even though that is not technically the case. Some people who qualify as legally or registered blind may still say they are visually impaired, while some say registered or legally blind. Some say simply, “Blind.”

It is true that people with different levels of vision in their eyes often struggle to articulate their experience. This includes me. Your character might say ‘partially sighted’ or explain that he has some remaining vision in one eye. Many people describe it as “totally blind in one eye and something else in the other”. Obviously replacing ‘something else’ with a better description for their vision.

Of course, he can also simply be blind in one eye. He can identify as disabled, visually impaired, etc. Being blind in one eye and not qualifying as blind in the other can probably be a confusing experience, especially when it comes to identity and needs. It is a unique experience. Sometimes the character, such as on lists of blind characters, may be included due to blindness in one eye. Sometimes he may not. I hope this shows some of the inconsistency that comes with this experience as well. The character may also experience unique problems, such as anxiety about protecting one side.

There is a lot you could do with depth perception issues as well. This means judging distance is difficult. Things like steps, stairs, and breaks in the ground are also difficult to navigate. I rarely find good depictions of how a lack of depth perception influences a character’s life. It would be nice to read a story where that is portrayed in more detail.

Part of me wants to suggest the bullies not bully him because of blindness and part of me doesn’t because too many people believe it doesn’t happen. Watching episodes about blind folks in Avatar the Last Airbender and Star Trek doesn’t stop kids and even adults from bullying others. Sometimes the nature of ableism comes out as bullying, regardless of intention or level of knowledge about blindness. Sometimes ableism is perceived as bullying because disabled kids aren’t always directly taught about ableism until they’re older.

Instead, I will suggest being careful with how you portray it. Consider things that aren’t as commonly portrayed, from subtle social exclusion, to talking behind someone’s back. From thinking mobility tools are “weird”, to not taking what blind people say seriously. Notice that these actions can taken by friends, too, meaning discrimination in real life is not only limited to bullies.

However, it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it can be refreshing to see characters not be bullied at all or simply be bullied only because the bullies don’t like them, as opposed to because of blindness. Perhaps they bully him because he isn’t as good at magic and they wish to feel superior. Maybe they also struggle in some areas and want to deflect attention away from themselves. Maybe the bullies bully him, but they know enough not to bring blindness into it. Maybe there is another blind character who they don’t bully. Or perhaps he doesn’t get bullied or experience ableism at all, since this is a fictional world. There are many options. I think you can figure out how to portray this in a way that allows your character to struggle and triumph in the end.

I don’t have a clear answer on the bullying situation. Depending on how it is written, you may not have enough knowledge to be able to portray ableist bullying in a realistic and nuanced way. Additionally, it may be difficult for blind readers to read because sometimes stories like this focus on trauma for the entertainment and inspiration of readers who aren’t blind; that is an important aspect as well. This is where I run into one of the difficulties of writing this blog. I can only provide different points of view or things to consider. I can’t, as one blind person, give anyone permission to write a subject or tell them no. Sometimes the answer is that it depends on the writing itself, which is where sensitivity reading becomes more relevant. You could even simply redirect the bullying to other areas of his life or have him deal with casual ableism or nothing at all. Reactions to your work will depend on the care with which it is written.

Sometimes we need to see characters going through things many blind people go through and sometimes we want a little more escapism. I think there is room for these stories and even combinations. For example, Toph’s storyline included ableism from parents and some bullying from peers, but these were not present through the entire show. She had other problems and other goals.

But you weren’t here to ask about bullying. So far I think this sounds great if you can contemplate more about his blindness. I like the arc about improving in magic. As long as he is able to have his accommodation needs met, I would be happy to read about an arc like that. Not having accommodations while performing poorly at magic would be a difficult story to read.

I like arcs that aren’t entirely focused on being blind. It is nice to explore other types of stories than the ones we typically get, without erasing the character’s blindness. I think what you describe so far provides a good balance.

I hope this helps. If you have more questions, contact me.

I’ll add any opinions from notes or messages here when or if I receive them.

[voxasks]

🫐 -Hey there, why not get in on this, haha. Let's go, show me what ya got TV man- Jokes aside, I am a young woman in her 20s going to university for a psychology degree. I am very ambitous & goal oriented, even if it is sometimes very intense. To the point of hyperfixation bordering on obsession. I was going for journalism originally, but I changed majors because I didn't like how much I would have to lick the butts & shoes of yellow journalists who aren't worth my respect or time. I wanted to be part of the information side of things & keep people informed on the happenings around them. But all they do from my perspective is waste hours churning out fiction for views. If I wanted to do that, I would have pursued acting as a career, which is a hobby of mine. I like community theater a lot. It is a fun escape from everything. Something just so satisfying about putting on a show, where the moment I step out on that stage & feel those lights & eyes on me, I am no longer concerned with my problems. The mask is on & won't be off until later~! Music is my other passion. I love writing my own music and lyrics. I play the violin, piano, & guitar. I am taking singing lessons for fun too. My few friends describe me as the one they look to for honest opinions, even if it might not be something they want to hear. I am also weirdly regarded as a ball of energy. I am not a recluse, I just have intense trust issues. It is probably due to the pathetic jokes of relationships I have had, among other potential trauma inducing experiences. I love going out, just only with people I would trust my life with or myself. I am still quite introverted, but I do like the atmosphere of people having a great time & me having a good time, even if it is dancing on my own. If I feel like it, I will just make the decision to disappear for a weekend & hop back around come Monday like I didn't just drop off the planet to who knows where & do who knows what. I am used to the not so great side of life. Walking to school, seeing a dead body on the side of the road, later on seeing those infamous white lines, hahaha. What a day that was, or the time I had to hit the deck from a drive-by. You get used to that rough life than wham in a place that is weirdly sanitized and "safe." It feels like whiplash. I cope with my experiences with humor. Rather laugh than cry, you know. Psych became my interest after taking a random elective in it, & I was hooked on being able to make connections about the world & people around me. Giving me a sense of understanding some of the why's I have asked for years. I'm still learning more, too. I have some ideas that are not exactly conventional & push a few boundaries with other fields of science & ethics. Regardless, I hope to use the knowledge I am gaining to help others help themselves. I think that is a key component in life, to be able to help yourself, even if it means getting/seeking help in order to get to a place where you can do that for yourself. If that makes any sense. With all this said, enjoy your hellish morning, abysmal afternoon, explicit evening, or sinful night. Whichever it may be for you, I like to cover the bases~!

“it  feels  like  you  took  psychology  to  make  sense  of  the  things  that  has  happened  in  your  life  subconsciously.  at  least,  that’s  what  people  do  from  experience  anyway.  it  sort  of  feels  like  you  have  adhd  as  well  due  to  your  spontaneity,  being  described  as  a  ‘ball  of  energy’  and  having  many  interests,  but  hey,  i’m  far  from  being  some  lab  coat  shrink  who’s  qualified  enough  to  sit  behind  a  desk  to  rot  with  everyone  else’s  trauma.  you  want  to  stay  true  to  yourself  no  matter  what,  thus  opting  out  of  journalism  to  avoid  kissing  other  people’s  asses,  i  can  respect  that.  you  sound  ambiverted,  someone  who  struggles  to  find  the  comfortable  balance  sometimes  but  everyone  does  too.  and  hey,  a  dead  body.  must  be  a  big  deal  back  in  the  living  world,  huh?  how’ve  you  been?”

based off of the 200 follower event.

[ratgingi]

some margo content because i need to figure out how to draw her more . plus some misc facts abt her under cut

i cant remember if i mentioned it before or not but she tends to change jobs often, she hasn't been fired from any but instead she will pick up jobs and quit them a few months later after she grows bored with them. the places in town she's worked at include the arcade (she worked there before exie, and exie only worked with her for a few weeks as by the time she started the job margo was already getting ready to work elsewhere), the petstore (it was her first job in town, and well before outis was in the picture), the funfair (she worked at one of the game stalls), and the mcphonalds (where she and juniper met). shes also worked at a couple places outside city limits. a good chunk of the places she's worked at are still open to her to go back to as she is a decent employee who works hard at her jobs and learns fast. there are a few places shed never even consider though either because theyd take too long to be qualified for or just seem generally uninteresting to her.

the tattoo/piercing parlor she currently works at wouldnt be a place youd get to actually visit in her route but would probably be mentioned in passing a couple times

while growing up whenever she would act too 'girly' her father would pay their neighbors to teach her more 'manly' things, so as a result she knows how to do a handful of more technical things like minor car repairs/put together furniture/etc, and also went through some fighting classes and stuff. shes also good at things like repairing clothes and cooking because addy made sure to teach her stuff like that as well

she also has a number of random talents/general things she can do from hobbies she got into and since dropped, things like crochet, gardening, baking, etc etc. she isnt Fantastic at any of them really but shes decent at them. jack of many ace of none type deal

adelaide was actually the one who helped her pick her name bc when she was trying to figure out what she wanted to be called she asked her if she had any ideas and addy told her that she'd had the name margo picked out for her before she was born

she likes doing puzzles and stuff, the bigger or more complicated the better. she has a couple 3d puzzle figures hanging out in her house but they change often as she gets bored of seeing the same ones. theres a closet in her hallway that has nothing but the boxes past puzzles she's finished stay in

she has a big heart, but because of her issues with connection she refuses to let her more caring side show in the hopes it'll help others not to get too attached to her. she isnt rude or anything like that and if someone is clearly in need of some sort of shoulder to cry on she tends to soften up but otherwise youre most likely to get a distant n cold politeness, she believes that by doing so shes doing you a favor and would rather keep herself closed off than hurt you if her whole attachment issue acts up. however if she doesnt like you she just flat out wont interact with you no matter how much you try. you could be standing in front of her waving your hands in her face and she'll act like you dont exist to the point of actually walking into you and not acknowledging it if need be

during her route the player would be able to accompany her to do things like run errands around town, which is sorta the sign that youve Made It because youre allowed to just sorta exist with her without her insisting you go do something else/trying to keep away from you yknow. her way of showing affection is pretty much just i allow you to exist near me/i choose to exist near you and on the surface literally stops there so

the only person she considers herself to be genuinely close to is her mother, and even then from a distance you wouldnt even really be able to tell that theyre close from her end. addys a pretty vocally affectionate person and is also the only person margo allows to do things like hug/pat her (addy still does so sparingly and asks before hand for the sake of margos comfort <3)

when she got her first tattoo she sorta did so in an effort to make herself commit to something but has since forgotten that motivation for them and now just likes getting them because they look cool

she has really pretty handwriting because she went through a phase where she was really into calligraphy. for technical things like letters/important papers/what have you she writes in print but otherwise she likes doing it really fancy and would probably be one of those people who writes stupid shit in fancy letters on tiktok

she has a big thing about honesty, as shes pretty good at telling when people are lying even if she doesnt really know them. this is partially why trying to lie and come up with a fake answer when asking her out would result in her turning you down bc 1. doesnt really seem interesting and 2. she can tell youre not telling her the truth and decides she has better things to do

[isnt-it-pretty]

Hi! I’m sorry this is pretty random but I don’t really know where else to talk about this and since I’ve seen you talk about disabilities a lot I thought I could ask for your opinion as well

Now, I’m not exactly disabled in the traditional sense for many I think.

I’ve had eye problems for years, only recently did I find out that it’s actually cornea dystrophy, a genetic disease not exactly treatable except it gets bad enough to need a cornea transplant (which usually only happens in older ages) My doctor said I don’t need that

My case however is also still a bit severe, I have to take eye drops mornings and evenings and even those don’t always help and I simply have to hope that I don’t wake up to pain. In cornea dystrophy your cornea doesn’t get lubricated enough and easily rips apart. This mostly happens in the morning… oh and how it happens… it’s an absolute nightmare at least thrice a week I’m ripped out of sleep by sudden severe pain in one of my eyes (it switches it’s always one or the other) it feels like someone is nonstop pouring acid in your eye and I always scramble to take pain killers, eye drops (which burn like hell on a fresh rip) and water, all in hurry because no one wants to understand how agonising it is and my boss also won’t understand that I WILL have days where I’m partially blind on one eye (everytime after an “attack” that eye usually sees completely blurry for a day or more depending on the severity of the rip and pain) sometimes the pain spreads over the entire side of my skull and my eye is crying non stop and my nose is also running bc of the sensation in my eye.

But no one around me wants to understand because my doctor simply said “just use eye drops frequently”. I do.. I use eyedrops, eye gel and eye patches everyday and still have frequent “attacks” and everyone treats them like they’re nuisances for THEM.

I’m hesitant to call this a disability, it does affect me and takes me out of commission before I scramble to lessen the impact in the morning yet I can still function “normally”.

I honestly don’t know where I wanted to go with this anymore…. I think I just want someone to know what I’m dealing with because neither family nor work are showing any understanding

Please feel free to ignore this and if you read this far thank you… You don’t have to reply or anything I think at this point I’m just venting and I’m so sorry to bother you with this

Please don't feel bad messaging me! I'm not a doctor of course, nor am I an expert in disability, but I don't mind having these conversations. Although fair warning, my answer will probably be just as rambly as you're worried yours was.

There's a lot to beeak down here including shitty doctors but first and foremost, I would absolutely call your condition disability, and I would even say that a lot of disabled people would agree.

Disability is a term that has many definitions depending on who is using it. Doctors, sociologists, government, and different aspects of the disabled community will all define it differently, but this is the dictionary definition:

a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions

I'd certainly say that your condition certainly qualifies. Inability to see through one eye, even episodically, the need to rely on medications, pain that wakes you up or results in an inability to function. All of those are disabling. To say it isn't is like saying diabetes isn't a disability because all they need to do is take insulin, nevermind all of the other issues that come along with it. That lower-limb amputee? They aren't disabled, all they need to do is strap on a prosthetic leg! But it doesn't work like that. A disability is still a disability even with treatment or accessability.

Having good days, or even being "fine" a few hours after an episode, doesn't negate its impact on your life. It's an invisble disability, which is probably where a lot of people's shitty opinions come from. Other people can't see the problem, so, therefore, it must not exist. You must just be overreacting or faking or using it as an excuse to get out of work because otherwise they would see it. Unfortunately, it's easier for people to pretend disability simply doesn't exist. People around you not trying to understand or accomodate is ableism. It's also a willful and fundimental misunderstanding of disability. Just because some days I have the energy to clean, or you can see through both eyes, or a dementia patient remembers their daughter's name, doesn't magically make the condition go away, or make it impact your life any less when it does happen.

Your doctor being unconcerned(which is probably the wrong word. Uncaring? Unsympathetic?) is another problem but that one is deeply rooted in ableism within the medical community, and the common view of disability by medical professionals. Just because you don't need a cornea transplant doesn't mean you aren't deserving of care and sympathy from those around you. Even if they can't do anything to help, you still deserve that respect, and it's shitty that you don't have that.

The entire situation just sucks. The people are you suck. I'm sure they're lovely otherwise but this is obviously a part where they're lacking, and I'm sorry they're unwilling to accept that your conditon impacts you.

Edit: also feel free to DM me if you'd ever like to chat, or send me another ask