#cant even word my thoughts actually it's just I AM A TOOL I AM A WEAPON on repeat here

[euclydya]

having normal thoughts about myself again

[impyssadobsessions]

DpxDC Prompt: Danny Overshadows the Batmobile

... Danny while visiting Gotham saves Batman by possessing the batmobile- unfortunately he gets stuck.

Imma copy and paste my thoughts on how I would take this from discord LOL

Bruce knows there is something wrong with the batmobile and runs test to see if he got hack. But same time conflicted because whoever hacked his vehicle just saved his life.

Also can see Fenton driving skills put to use plus with Danny's ability to phase through. Definitely makes car chases easier if Bruce can jack the runaway vans from the inside.

But Danny freaking out- using the radio or gps to try and speak after he realizes he needs help to get out of the car… and that Batman wont be As upset as he thinks.

Oo meanwhile Fentons are all over Gotham looking for their missing son… having no idea Danny overshadowed a car.

Danny figuring out how to send tuck a message to send to jazz…ends up being tracked by the bats who go investigate thinking tuck's the hacker.

Tucker trying to cover for Danny

Ooo imagine if they try to chase down Fentons because of them driving crazy(and maybe they're attacking batmobile because they can detect a ghost) and its the only car Danny cant phase through and even getting damaged by.

So he tries to plead in the radio to batman.

And then Bruce wonders if it actually was the Fentons but things still dont make sense… until the team that investigating Tuck brings in more evidence and probably Tuck.

Then it clicks.. Danny isnt ai/bot used to hack the car but Danny Fenton the missing child.

Tuck still the key to figure out how Danny got stuck. Apparently a certain part is made from materials similar to the thermos.

But catch is they need tools from Fentons to get him out so they have to bait them and have Tuck and another bat probably Tim help gather the materials.

Maybe batman confronts them, raising his arms as Fentons accuse batman being a filthy ghost that stole their child. While the others steal what they need.

When it looks like the Fentons are not going to cooperate and blast batman (batman ready to go on offensive ) Danny uses a shield to send blasts back at his parents beeping for batman to get back in.

They go on another chase where Danny drives the batmobile off a cliff and into water only to safely fly them back to the cave. Exhausted and powering down as soon as they're on land letting Bruce take the wheel again.

When Tim n Tuck finally get Danny free they all jump for joy then quickly reminded Danny is still in the batcave. And like oh right shit… they know what i am >>'

But Danny already impressed the bats so i can see them offering to help Danny out further.

Tim n tuck become friends and soon Danny gets a support of heroes. He goes back to his family whose so happy to see him safe… Danny putting in a good word about batman but it falls on deaf ears.

Pfft be funny this is the catalyst to have Fentons moving to Gotham to hunt down batman.

Bruce investing in the Fentons just so he can work on their tech and modify them to not work on Danny- and then Danny haunting the car every now and them for old time sake.

Thought this was just fun idea XD

[thatneoncrisis]

I was just catching up on your most recent fic after a busy week and saw your AN and came here looking for more clarification.

I guess I don’t understand why you felt the need to take it upon yourself to write something that you knew would get the attention of the people you were satirizing. Your whole stance on fan fiction (based on your own personal statements in both your asks and your ANs) seems to be that if people aren’t doing it the way you personally like, they shouldn’t be doing it at all. You keep saying you want people to just talk to you about it but why should they when you haven’t extended that gesture to them?

Also it’s very odd of you to be speaking for an entire group of people you yourself do not identify with. To what end exactly? So you can pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you fandom correctly while everyone else doesn’t? Did someone come to you and ask you to advocate for them? It just doesn’t make sense why you felt like this was your responsibility to correct or something.

It kind of reeks of moral (and fandom) superiority, like you’re just doing the most to educate people (which is. Not a thing we need in fandom spaces) and keep them on your straight and narrow instead of letting fandom works be what they are which is, for most people, a fun, exploratory way to engage with the source material. Your GOTCHA attitude towards readers who were enjoying your “bland” fic was very shocking. It does come across like you just want to embarrass people who enjoy those types of stories and tropes and make yourself feel enlightened and better than them because you thought outside the box.

I don’t know. The idea of using these tropes as a tool to spring “THIS WASN’T REAL” on readers is fun but I think it would have been much better if you hadn’t actually been making fun of other people. That kind of spoils the whole experience of your fic. I’ve been a fan of your writing and art for a long time and I do genuinely understand the desire to have people write more of what you want to see/write things that feel more in-character, but the approach here is confusing and off putting and it’s pretty disappointing to see you openly hurt people just because you like dicking around and can’t just scroll past stories/ideas/headcanons you don’t agree with.

Anyway I doubt any of this will change your mind about what you did and I doubt you’ll even care about what I have to say about it. It’s hurtful and upon deeper inspection and reading and rereading the fic and your AN and asks, I’m pretty sure I’m one of the intended targets. This is kind of word vomit at this point as I try to get my thoughts out but you asked for the people you were criticizing to reach out so here I am. Discouraging and disappointing but I hope you found what you were looking for I guess.

see thats like. completely antithetical to the point ive been reiterating for like a week. i CANNOT stop anyone from writing and i dont want to this is not the take away and it never has been. if they want to write fifteen fics like that to spite me then good on them i really just

cannot keep saying enough that i dont want anyone to STOP writing. this was just me kind of screaming in the dark because i see the exact same patterns repeated over and over. you should never ever stop creating because some fucking nobody is frustrated with the content produced en mass for free as a hobby. there is no actionable Thing that can take place here i cant stop anyone from writing any of this i just kind of wanted some people to Think about what they were reading. ive gotten messages from people saying they didnt like the initial tone of the story before chapter 4 but kept reading it because they were desperate for content. thats nuts to me! but i also understand that those people just have very little to choose from. if anything i want MORE people to write

like i keep saying again and again i do not want and cannot stop anyone from writing whatever they want. im not your mom! and to a certain degree, this did come out of nowhere there was no big thing that set it off, it was just me being obscenely frustrated.

and what i am REALLY frustrated about is how presumptuous youre being! i do feel bad that i hurt people and i decided basically a day after i posted the chapter i would never do something like this ever again. theres just too much room for misinterpretation. you are actively reading me as malicious like we can just talk in dms. "im so disappointed in you" YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. THAT is the shit that is getting to me youre acting like i am incapable of acknowledging how i know this fic could have been interpreted. its up now i made my bed im not going to plug my ears and pretend a public vent wouldn't catch people unawares. i am no stupid and do not treat me as such

i am actively choosing not to post most of the asks i get in FAVOR of this because they are dumping on the kinds of fics i dont even necessarily like and i think that's just adding on. again this is why i spoke about braid tropes used, shit that could basically be applicable to any fandom, and not a particularly fic. i didnt want to go into someones comments or dms and say hey! your fic is personally, to me, bad and hard to read, might you explain yourself? like theres nothing TO explain its aet it just exists how it is. there was no nice way of doing this kind of thing, but itd be so sweet if people didnt call me a friendless clout chaser and do some "you'll never work in this town again" shit.

[justaboot]

Ahh, tagged by @hueberryshortcake (thanks! also this was the thing someone tagged me in and lost weeks ago so bless <3)

how many fics do you have on ao3?

omg 8, what even are they.

what's your total ao3 word count?

174,260 oh my GOd

what fandoms do you write for?

- I've only posted for DT but I've got a 10th Doctor/River fic in my drafts

what are your top five fics by kudos?

And a Sixpence in Your Shoe

In Situ

I've Got Time

Everyone Loves a Reunion (A come from behind win?)

Gentle as it Goes

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

- I try so hard to reply to everybody, but I've got weapons grade anxiety so sometimes I'm worried people will think I'm self-important. I've actually found I'm less likely to respond to tumblr mutuals? More anxiety? Unclear but I'm smashing my face into my hands at every comment.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I can't handle ending on angst. Gentle as it Goes, definitely, but I hate it, I cannot handle splitting the party.

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sixpence definitely has the most Disney Fairytale Everything Works Out ending, but writing I've Got Time's button fixed something in me I think.

do you get hate on your fics?

The first comment I ever got ever was DellaHate gbless, thanks AO3 User DellaDuckShouldDie for your insightful comment of "Della Duck should be destroyed."

do you write smut?

I've written it for other things, I'm not shook by it and its a great storytelling tool just like everything else, but not cartoon characters. I...I have one explicitly human DT fic that. I. Well. We'll see. Its a genre test run for something original and they're pointedly human, but I guess I'll cop to that one?

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I hate crossovers stay away from me I cant wrap my head around it

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah. Where would you go with it, we're all in the same room.

have you ever had a fic translated?

No but that'd be so cool!

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

girlfriend and I made an absolute banger of a spn fic together on a 12 hour roadtrip. Its not written down but we've got it beat for beat.

what's your all time favorite ship?

The Doctor and River will never fail to make me lay down they're them I dont even know what to say

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

-I've got 1/3rd of an OG3 prequel episode fic written, but it has to be part of a series and that's just...not gonna happen.

what are your writing strengths?

oh god i dont know don't look at me dialogue? I get a lot of comments about in-character dialogue/behavior lets go with that.

what are your writing weaknesses?

I have "I'll finish it later, let me start this new one real quick" disease.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done so, I'm fine with French but I'm terrified across the board of The Comment From A Native Speaker.

first fandom you wrote for?

Let me tell you about Tid, my halfling OC based on my Lord of the Rings Online character who played very little of the actual game and just ran laps around the shire. Elementary school core.

favorite fic you've ever written?

I am putting Sixpence on the award shelf for having finished something so big and I've Got Time was me getting a good grade in therapy. Right now I'm actually really proud of Dear Fellow Traveller? They're just lil kids and omg they're swimming in the Little Lake watering hole in the sierras I did that how did the author know

Tagging.... @writebackatya and @shychick-52

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

drop the lore for your song !

(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)

okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:

-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god

asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost

and what can i do but follow you?

i made you my temple, just follow through

and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness

to this man burning everything i love down with this building

and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish

it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did

and god, my god i would follow you to death

you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck

i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets

but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it

i am breathing just a little and calling it a life

you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife

and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through

we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?

AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS

CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.

I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.

that must mean im stronger.

you said you would protect me.

but im like ocean water.

and youre like twenty three!

so i choose now between honesty and dignity

and i cannot worship a god i cant believe

yeah i tore my palms down your altar

for war, blood must taste sweet

i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane

you made me, made me you, made me who i am

no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool

ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through

first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.

second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.

i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.

this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)

that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.

okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.

thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33

[yveltalreal]

for both: how do you feel about family

Yveltal: It's all I know, isn't it? Ever since the beginning, it was Xerneas, Me, and Zygarde. Of course, there was a beginning before that. There were other legends before that, but I Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina... they aren't siblings. They existed long before us. Same with Arceus. Especially true for Arceus. I need to have family because if I don't have one, if someone cannot look at me and go "That's Yveltal, they're like family to me" then what am I? What am I except the hurt? I need to be the love as well, don't I? I love them both. I love them a lot, and I love the others too. Maybe it was a mistake to love them like friends and children, rather than axes and hammers. To treat them as family rather than tools. Who knows. I am nothing without them. I miss them. I miss Zygarde, even if they hurt us. Maple: i think its complicated. i love my parents. they arent the best. they sucked. they were busy. but i love them. they learned. theyre trying better. they love me. its whatever. my mom especially though. i remember talking to her. she didnt want to be him. she didnt want to be her either, so she ran. she thought that if she wasnt there maybe her love wouldnt be so strong that it hurt. thats what she told me. word for word. i get it. i love a lot too. it took her a lot longer. it took her so much longer to not be afraid. she was always afraid that if she looked at me too hard that id snap. that her hands werent made for holding a child. she didnt want me. she didnt treat me like she wanted me. i mean she wasnt cruel but she just wasnt there. it took almost losing her to realize everything. for her to be there. i love her. i love her a lot. i love them all. but i dont know. sometimes at night, i wonder if they really do care, or if its the bare minimum. i wonder how long that would have gone on, a child alone in a house filled with pokemon until the end of time if grandma didnt find us.

and my brother. i love my new brother. im glad hes never going to experiance what i did. but hes so small and scared. just like my mother. but unlike her i am built for hurting. a whole body staying alive because of the stolen life of others. hes so small. hes so fragile. when i look at him i know what my mom felt and i know she felt it worse. its fine. im not his parent. im his sibling and by arc am i going to be a good one.

and outside of them. outside of blood. where does it begin and end. aspen and jaime? im married to them. we're legally family. and i love them like that. and tori shes my sister and law now but she was kinda like family too. and estelle. family friends is just family to my family, sometimes, and shes a family friend. my grandma wants her to call her grandma as well. shes like a cousin. even if i cant remember when we knew eachother when we were little well i remember knowing her now. at least a little. tami is like my mom, even if shes an absol. same with most of my moms pokemon actually. one of the few things i can remember as a kid is them all gathering around as solar taught them how a first aid kit worked. it was so interesting watching a beeheeyem try to explain things to the others even if i couldnt understand that the bad scrape i had stopped hurting. and pickle. shes been here forever. well not forever. but shes been with me for like over 10 years. what is she? a sister? idk. shes my partner. shes my starter. and heph is also kinda like family even if ive had her for less than a year and theres dash and theres bibi and glacier and little and. storm. im rambling. i love them. theyre family too. i love them a lot.

anyways family is a choice, but sometimes youre obligated to make a certain choice, i think.

[xerospaced]

So... maybe it's time to address the elephant in the room

My low self esteem.

My confidence was stripped away in every aspect and I have yet to regain it

Between my lack of productivity and nothing to show for myself

The requirements of others that I am so far from meeting

And my ma's consistent negative perception of me and energy toward me

I feel... completely worthless and devoid of value.

And ofc I tell myself otherwise and such.

And I do mantras and affirmations

And I look for the good in myself

But

I dunno

I cant see one shred of evidence to support the concept that I'm worth something

There is one exception. I'm useful.

I'm incredibly useful.

Call me and I'm there.

Make a request and I'll fulfil it.

Ask something of me. Even if I find it difficult. I'll see to it that it gets done.

For those I care about.

I am available. I am the person you turn to. I am the voice of reason. The source of sound advice. I am a positive energy. A calming presence. A bringer of peace. And the person who encourages you to honour yourself above all else.

I am very useful.

I am a tool.

Literally

But when it's just me. Not fulfilling some use just... existing

I'm taking up space.

A drain on resources.

A useless entity waiting to be put to use.

I don't see myself anymore.

I'm so familiar with depression and anxiety and self hate. And I've come so far from that.

I'd made it to joy and love and appreciation!

But so accustomed to the darkness that being in this space...

I didn't notice that it's actually... Not good.

I'd have the odd self criticising thought and then I would correct it and go about my day

And ive felt lacklustre. And I've had very little pride. And more and more I find myself wanting to avoid talking about me.

But im not depressed. And I don't hate myself and I AM correcting those thoughts. And my comments on myself do always end on a positive note.

A forced positive?

An empty one?

A shell of the thing I am telling myself. The thing I used to be but no longer am.

I do not feel good about myself.

And being that I'm not treating myself poorly. And that I'm am still approaching myself with kindness and patience. I've been ignorant to the fact that I don't feel good about myself. I don't see any significant good in myself.

By which I mean, yes, I see and acknowledge the good. But it's minimal. Its nothing compared to what I'm not. What I'm lacking. What I'm supposed to be. What I'm capable of.

I'm basically just a "nice" person. With some good words.

I have a kind heart sure sure

But what of it?

What makes me meaningful?

What am I really but a fleeting fancy? Enjoyment for the moment?

Because when I really look at me. When anyone looks at me. There's just not much to see.

I endured far more critical damage than I had realised

I've been impacted far more deeply than I'd considered up til now.

I knew I'd been wounded deeply but I thought I was in tact.

I'm not

I feel like a wound. Barely bandaged. Oozing. Never quite healing.

And completely unattended.

[whiteoutzz]

Actually many aus also fail to examin how she would like. Feel about her powers in the first place. How Whiteout would feel about it?

We have like. Of course it is both Darkstalker pov and also he was like a newborn there. But he (thinks) that well. She was not listening anyway and the moons did not call for her.

And of course its biased. Even as little baby Darkstalker more or less. Wanted all of this power to himself. But like. I am curious about this specific part.

And animuses are already often used as tools, so it probably would he worse for her. Because most dragons i dont think they would belive that Whiteout could handle her own fucking power in the first place.

How much she would care about the soul? Would she fear it? What would be her relation of it. Would she think of her as broken or souless from the start? Would she care about it, or would her logic follow more "well it does not matter i dont have a normal dragon soul so there is not much to loose her" or would she care too much.

We see her being geniuenly excited at first about her brothers powers, being only of his close dragons who does not fear it until he eventually goes abusing it and dragons around him.

Its not actually that much im literally picking at every scrap of characterization she gets. But i am curious and like to dissect that.

Im just rambling there and its just my thoughts and stuff. But its like. I do like to think about that.

But also issue is we dont actually get that much of her personality in the book. We have idea of who she is but since Darkstalker cant read her mind we dont really see much of how she thinks. And while i understand why this choice was made, like. I would love to see inside of her brain too. It doesnt need to even be words but have Darkstalker learn how to read those thoughts or something. Whatever.

I have alot to say about how narrative treat her but whatever. Ill take what i can get. I guess.

[rigil-kentauris]

tw unresolved whining

so i had to cancel my writing ai subscription today because i found out they were doing images and its just making me reflect. i dont use it so i didnt notice, i mostly just wanted to tool to grow and mature. it was like my one indulgence. anyway. i wasnt involved with ai writing tools at the the BEGINNING beginning, but i was definitively there before All This. and i remember having never been so excited in my life about writing. i hadnt actually had fun writing in years, i realized (went to college for creative writing degree, for reference. like this was supposed to be my whole ass Life).

and i felt so hopeful, because it seemed to me that this was the perfect tool for me personally. it filled in all the parts of me i struggle with because of Depression and Exhaustion and We Live In A Society disease. im not sure whether or not i was using it like it was supposed to be used back then (definitely not how its supposed to be used now), but it reall felt like having a dance partner. we went back and forth sentence by sentence (sometimes word by word), making something that pushed and challenged me because it would 'write' things that i wouldnt have even considered. and i could go off of that one word or turn of phrase for paragraphs. until i got stuck. and i suppose you could get that if you wrote with another human being, which could be cool, but it was also a paradoxically safe space. sometimes you dont want to write extremem trauma whump angst with other people and i think thats okay

and it was fun. and there were issues. but it was okay

and then the art bots came.

and i felt... angry, obviously, on behalf of all the artists who were getting jacked. but i was also... pissed off. because all of a sudden people hated AIs for theft unilaterally (a good thing to be mad about) but they hadnt given a shit before. back when it was writing. because i am also a writer of normal human works. on places where content was being scrapped from. and all of a sudden there was a new cultural norm, at least in the circles i cared to be in, and no one cared about writers. at all. in fact to date ive only seen one post/piece about ai theft of text and i went out looking for that.

and it was like. i hadnt thought about the datasets before, not really. no one thinks of this is stealing (fiction) writers jobs. its only just now, like the past couple months just now, becoming a talked about problem because it steals journalists and REAL writers jobs. academic jobs. serious good people. not nasty little fiction writers. much less poets i am not a poet but i have never ever seen anyone talking about ais taking jobs from poets. and they can. people who think ai cant write mostly, i think, dont know how to use them correctly. (then again i also think people who think they CAN write fall under the same umbrella, so... ai writing programs have. problems as unique spottable and predictable as image ais adding an extra finger.)

anyway at the time, though, i hadnt really thought about tet theft in datasets. back then you really had to KNOW what generative ais were to understand what was going on. no one was explaining except to other people who got it. and of the people who got it, no one was talking about it. i wish they had been. obviously we are all of us individually responsible for our participation in society but. why wasnt anyone talking about it before? why is it okay to steal someones words? or at least, passable. why is it still passable?

it just makes me feel things. and i dont have any answers. besides that writing AIs should be the EASIEST thing in the world to fix. unlike with art, the public domain for written fiction is both massive and still popular. as in, people will use an AI trained on older writing whereas AFAICT, the only ai image makers that make money need to mass-steal anime and pop art. no one's arguing about Ye Olde Oil Painting Ai.

i dunno. it feels. odd. because obviously i cant support a place that steals. but i feel some kind of emotion about dropping a tool that made me feel connected to writing again, in order to support a (good and important) fight that doesnt seem to care about writers at all

i dont have any resolution. just upsetness. i wish we could use this tool for all the good its capable of. instead right now its just a big theft machine.

one day with the march of tech i guess we'll be able to run beasts like these on our own, and then i think we'll see more ethical options. it just sucks in the meantime.

[shkspr]

J'ai publié 3 669 fois en 2022

C'est 85 billets de plus qu'en 2021 !

439 billets créés (12%)

3 230 billets reblogués (88%)

Les blogs que j'ai le plus reblogués :

@sundancefemme

@mag22

@kalelraejepsen

@karkatraejepsen

@elytrians

J'ai étiqueté 2 208 billets en 2022

Seulement 40% de mes billets ne comportaient pas de tag

#rbs - 200 billets

#q - 168 billets

#magpod - 75 billets

#ok to rb - 73 billets

#txt - 56 billets

#dw - 53 billets

#sent to me - 49 billets

#words - 45 billets

#art - 39 billets

#uwu - 32 billets

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#ik it goes by birth date so it would make ‘sense’ for it to fit my sun sign but my scorp moon is quaking in her stylish yet affordable boots

Mes billets vedette en 2022 :

n°5

“what are you doing?” “quitting.” “why?” “because i’ve always wanted to. i just never realized it until i met you.” they are literally so much. from day ONE they are SO much

784 notes - publié le 24 février 2022

n°4

been thinking about this for the past two days

2 235 notes - publié le 17 novembre 2022

n°3

human beings love to be like 'heres a thing with a finite number of variations' & then sort it into categories. & theyre always wrong. everything is multitudinous & unfathomable & theres nothing you can do about it. but the human desire to make sense of the universe is also boundless & inexorable & theres nothing you can do about that either.

13 878 notes - publié le 20 mars 2022

n°2

i love watching life hack videos so i am going to share my favorite genres of life hacks:

buy a product and use it for its intended purpose

you can make anything a chair if you staple a cushion onto it and then sit on it

ideas that are actually innovative and original but the final product is so fuck ugly that it makes me feel murderous

avoid doing this thing the normal way by doing it in a way that is more difficult and more expensive and worse

this hack will solve a problem nobody has ever experienced

instead of buying furniture, you can make it using the carpentry skills and power tools that you definitely possess

someone forgot the word for recipe and they decided to call it a Kitchen Life Hack

diy home decor is as easy as putting paint on a thing and then displaying it. paint a banana. paint a leaf. paint a bottle of pop. interior design is my passion

this would be the most ballingest life hack youve ever seen. if it actually worked

making shapes out of hot glue is the poor mans 3d printing

i dont say this lightly: the fuckers at 5 minute crafts HAD to be high out of their gourds when they thought to do this.

29 760 notes - publié le 13 août 2022

Mon billet n°1 en 2022

some of yall will be like “i dont care about your dreams, i dont care about your spotify wrapped, i dont want to hear about your interests, dont you dare talk to me about your trauma,” and its like. what do you even have friends for. bc it sounds to me like you dont give a shit about anything that makes them a person. what do you talk about.

important addendum: if you cant read and you leave a dumbass comment on my post im just going to block you 💛

35 592 notes - publié le 20 novembre 2022

Obtenez votre année 2022 en revue sur Tumblr →

[whatsnothappening]

i cant sleep

well normally when i cant sleep i have a lot on my mind that i feel like i need to just vomit onto this page. i am so happy that i have kept up with this as long as i have and i am excited to be able to look back and see how far i have come and see how my thinking process and coping techniques have changed. although i feel that therapy would be better for me to have as a tool to get through rough times or just really pick apart and understand my thoughts... it is way too expensive and this has helped a lot more than i thought it wold. even if it is like a super short and sweet entry where i just cannot even get any words out other than fuck this mess i am done with life, blah blah blah. you know i even went as far as downloading better help and that shit is way to expensive. it is absolutely insane how expensive all that mess is. i understand that the schooling it takes to become a therapist is very intense and expensive but it insane how hard it can be to be able to afford help for mental issues. like im not really at the point where i need the suicide help line by any means. but i just am craving to have someone completely out of my circle to listen and help me cope and understand the events happening around me and understand my feelings and emotions. so like, am i just supposed to hope i dont get to the point of needing that helpline? because i dont even qualify for financial aid for therapy. i mean it is insane how ridiculously hard it is to get help. i have actually thought about paying for a couple sessions of therapy and just having them read my entries and tell me what they get from my writing. i guess i just want my brain and my thoughts picked apart. i want someone else perspective when they read or hear whats on my mind. i dont know if i want it for a validation reason, or if maybe im curious if i my thoughts are normal. that is one thing that i make sure to tell myself everyday. i am human and everything that i think about or feel are valid and normal. i cant help the way i feel, all i can do is push through, acknowledge and grow. i will say another very therapeutic thing to have in my life, is my dogs. i love them so much. as i was writing this my german Shepard just jumped up on bed and gave me a kiss and snuggled next to my husband and is just gazing at me. dogs are such sweet and gentile creatures. they are so smart. i really dont understand how someone can not be a dog person. or an animal person at the fact. like i understand being afraid of some animals. there are some that are a bit scary, but seriously. an adorable big fluffy dog that just has nothing but love to give and you dont love that?! people are wild. earlier i made an entry about how happy i was that my husband finally went to the doctor to discuss his testosterone issues. i am so happy for him and our future. its not even just the intimacy factor. im not saying thats a big thing but its not the only thing. he has so many things that he wants to work on with himself and he feels that he has been held back with his testosterone. i feel awful that i have been so selfish with my feelings. i hate my one entry where i was just absolutely livid with him, and accusing him. but theres a reason that i put it in this and did not say it out loud. it was just what was in my head because i missed that type of connection. but there is so much more to his happiness that is more important to me than me being able to have sex with him. i know that he loves me with all his heart. just sometimes you have to help your person grow so they can be there better self and the relationship can be stronger than its ever been. it happens. it will get better. i am just so excited for whats to come. i think that everything will fall into place. i mean im not trying to sound ignorant again and say that its all going to sunshine and rainbows in a few years. i guess im just saying im so ready to get over this hump. girl i wish you luck and i cant wait to see whats on your mind next time. i hope its filled with positivity. btw it is 3:49 am and i work tomorrow 😳

[cool-trina-world]

Heavenly Download No.2

I realized, a long time ago, that i , myself, WAS a reaction to my upbringing. It was horrible. And to also realize that not much more of me had developed beyond that point… Man, i just cant tell ya. My unremitting faith is the only way i got through halfway normal. I was lucky, in the strange way i thought, because i KNEW that my betters(read those in authority over me) had it all wrong. Particularly where it came to me. It was crazy making. For real. But i somehow knew that , even though I was the common denominator, the fault didnt lie with me, but with my perceptions and my reactions. That was major. And it took years longer for me to put it into words. 

So, In the midst of the awakening It suddenly strikes me that maybe... What if when i decided, in the third grade, that i just wasn’t meant to be happy I wasn’t setting up bad self talk but I was reminding my forgetting human self what had been decided before coming here? What if that reminder every few years when i go, “ oh yeah, I forgot that, how could i forget? Im not meant to be happy” wasn’t me being negative, and wasn’t bad self talk? What if being given the tools I would need WAS the lessons on how to be happy? How to love other people and just let them be responsible for themselves while still loving them. And not letting someone elses actions, or in-actions dictate how i feel. ... what if I was learning how to just be, and how to just let others be? 

What if I am learning to show love and grace to people who would never get a concept of what it actually was otherwise? What if i had to remember that one phrase in order to learn to be who i was meant to be, and in order to be able to teach and vibrate what  I have learned?....And to be happy. And to be the me I choose to be anyway?

That would mean that i didn’t need to feel, any longer, that my life had been a waste.

That would mean that i was doing a good job of completeing, at least that part, of my soul mission.

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11.

Reverse Speech is teaching me that even the gods have to abide by Divine Law.

which includes actions and reactions.

Heavenly Download Number 2

[monstermp3]

once again humans disappoint 💔 brb muting and archiving the gc that’s been giving me anxiety for several weeks straight now... for literally the nth time

[ssplague]

The late bloomer 🌬🥀

Part 5

Rated M

⚠️ A/B/O themes (knotting, ruts, heats, etc.) primal play, oral & MxF sex, possessive behavior, aggressive jealousy

Part 4

Honorable mentions: @naomithenerdgirl @gummiwormsandonedirection @nekee-lilac02 @veenasanada @satoooooruu @jazzylove @sizzlingdonutturtlemuffin @miss-lilith @girl-lost-not-found @desiray562 @wegotmatchingtattos @bakugoismisunderstood

💌 The flashback scene ended up being much longer than I’d originally intended 😅 I just got so caught up in it, I couldn’t help myself.

📱🧪👄

“Cant you stay for a little while Katsu? I could make dinner for us and afterwards we could wat-“

“No, I have somewhere to be and don’t call me that”

His tone of voice was as cold as ice.

“But-“

“But nothing, I told you what this was”.

Haphazardly tossing his school blazer over his shoulder, he leaves the room without another word to the flustered girl laying on her bed.

“I’m sorry, I mean…you’re a really great friend but I just…I don’t know if it would be a good idea for us to…well y’know” you trail off, not knowing what else to say to cushion the blow of turning down a date with a friend.

“Ah that’s okay ________, I shouldn’t have put you in such an awkward position…so uh…well if you change your mind…you have my number” says the boy before giving you a wave and making his way down the hall.

Entering the locker room, you hurriedly get changed into your PE clothes. Just before you head out to the track, you overhear a conversation that twists your stomach into knots.

“-then afterwards he took off…I just don’t understand why Bakugou-Kun is so closed off, I mean I could feel the chemistry between us! I wouldn’t have done that with him if I hadnt”.

Jealously was clawing it’s way up your throat, you wanted to attack the stupid girl, but you wanted to absolutely rage at Katsuki even more! What for though? He isn’t your boyfriend or anything….but you’d at least thought there was something between the two of you…

Apparently you weren’t the only girl lingering under this delusion. There were two classes left for the day…and of course he was in both of them with you. Taking out your phone you hastily sent a text before you could chicken out:

(In case the image doesn’t load: “Y’know I think I’ve changed my mind, I’d actually love to go out with you…Does friday after school sound good?)

“So I thought you could come hangout at my place this Friday? The old hag and dad will be out late for a-Hey are you even fuckin’ listening to me?” Katsuki asks.

Apparently he’d realized he was talking to himself as the two of you walked home together. You are too busy smiling at your phone as you reply to the message you’d just received. Completely failing to notice the death glare your companion was aiming at the device.

“Hmmm what was that?”

You ask, making your disinterest apparent.

“I asked if you wanted to come over to my place and hangout Friday since my parents won’t be home until late…who the hell are you talking to anyway?!” He snarls, snatching the phone from your hand.

”Katsuki! Give that back you ass-“

“What are you hiding from me princess? We don’t keep secrets remember?” He’s snickering but as soon as he reads the thread he’s irate.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me right? A date? With this tool?!”

“Give me back my phone Katsuki!”

“NO! I’m going to tell this loser to lose your fuckin’ number, then you can have it back!”

“You have no right! I can go on a date with whoever I want, I can be with who ever I-“

“No you can’t!! I won’t let you!”

“Won’t let me?! Who do you think you are?!”

“Dont test me omega!”

“Oh I’m “Omega” now am I? Well fuck you, stupid Alpha!”

With surprising speed you launch yourself forward and snatch the phone away from him.

“_______! I swear to god, if you go out with that guy I’ll-“

“You’ll what?! Im not your property Katsuki, and you certainly arent mine! Let’s not even be friends anymore, how about that?!”.

Two days passed and the two of you maintained a Stubborn silence. When Friday came around Katsuki was in the worst type of mood you’d ever seen him in. Wasn’t your problem though…he isn’t your problem…

So when the final bell sounded, you bolted out of class before it was fully finished ringing.

As you tried to enjoy the company of your date you felt your phone going off non stop in your bag. You had a feeling you knew who it was, and what they wanted.

You were wrong though, and after an hour of you incessant vibrations you finally decided to answer it.

“WHAT?!” You shout, not even bothering to check who it was calling. The boy beside you was startled at your sudden outburst, you hadn’t even realized you’d interrupted him mid sentence. As the person on the other line started speaking your face morphed from furious to absolutely terrified.

“Is he hurt?! D’you know where he is now?!”

Gathering up your things, you thank the person for calling and turn towards your bewildered date.

“I’m really sorry for just bailing on you but I need to go, I’ll make it up to you I promise!” You bow before dashing off at top speed.

You keep up your mad dash all the way towards your neighborhood, passing your house and finally slowing to a stop two doors down.

That’s strange…where are his parents? Oh god what if he ended up having to go to the hospital?! What if he’s on his death bed?!”

All sorts of terrible scenarios begin circling through your panic stricken brain as you incessantly ring the doorbell. It seemed like an hour before you hear shuffling footsteps on the other side of the door and a familiar snarl: “Hold your fuckin’ horses goddammit in coming!”.

He’s alive.

As soon as the door opens you jump on him, sending you both flying backwards.

“________! What the fu-“

“Thank god your alive! When I heard about what happened I automatically assumed the worst, and then when I got here and didn’t see either of your mom or dad’s cars in the driveway I was terrified” you are openly sobbing now, tears creating a small stream as they continuously flow down your face and onto his bare chest.

Wait….bare…chest?

Sitting up now, through blurry vision you take notice of the state of undress the aggravated young man beneath you is in. He must have just gotten out of the shower; His normally unruly blonde spikes are slightly tame due to their dampness, a few droplets of water pool between the crease of his abs. Scanning the rest of his exposed skin you are pleased to see no extreme injuries. You see a few scratches, and some light bruising here and there as your eyes begin following the light blonde trail of hair that starts at his navel and ends somewhere beneath the towel wrapped around his hips.

Which is what you so happen to be sitting on, as you shamelessly stare. Your mouth goes dry, face begins heating up, and it’s like a match has been struck somewhere inside your lower stomach. A snapping sound catches your attention as you finally notice a pair of fingers infront of your face. “Earth to dumbass” Katsuki sneers from beneath you.

You don’t know what possessed you to do it, but you slowly slide off his hips. Biting your lip at the feel of something twitch beneath you and the low hiss he lets out in response.

“Sorry” you whisper, getting to your feet.

“The hell you doing here anyway?”

He’s angry, furious really.

“Thought you were on a date with what’s-his-fuckin-name? Why show up here to bother me?”.

It hurt to hear him refer to you as a “bother” but you pushed it aside;

“Who gives a fuck about a stupid date when I hear that someone important to me got attacked by a villain!” Tears begin to obscure your vision once more, “I…I didn’t get all the details but I got enough to make me sprint all the way over here!”.

“Well you shouldn’t have bothered, as you can see I’m fine! Just like I told my parents, so you can go back to lover boy and they can enjoy their stupid business celebration”

You don’t like the way he’s acting towards you, you aren’t used to receiving this treatment from him.

“I dont care what you say! You are far from fucking fine, you can bullshit whoever you want to, but it won’t work on me Katsuki!”

“I AM FINE! I DONT NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LOOKING AFTER ME! ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!” He roars.

“IM NOT LEAVING! IF YOU WANT ME GONE THEN THROW ME OUT! IM NOT LEAVING YOU ALONE!” You scream back.

“Oh yeah?” His quieter voice is somehow far more fear inducing than his screaming.

You don’t respond, crossing your arms over your chest you simply nod staring back at him.

The smile on his face sends a shiver down your spine as he moves towards you, reaching around you to shut the door and lock it.

Now he’s in your face, towering over you menacingly. It’s unnerving, and soon you try to look anywhere but at him. That’s short lived as his hand comes up to grab your chin;

“What’s wrong? You were so adamant about staying to keep me company…now you look like your ready to take off at any moment….almost as adamant as you were about going on that stupid date”.

He chuckles as his fingers slide up towards the apples of your cheeks, “Must not have been all that great if you ditched the poor bastard to come see me…Can’t even tell you came from a date to be honest…ya didn’t even dress up for him…I bet you woulda f’me though…”.

Squeezing either side of your cheeks has him smiling at the involuntary pucker of your lips.

He’s being mean….but it’s that endearing sort of teasing reserved just for you.

It’s a secret not many are privy to but there always has been an underlying “sensuality” (of sorts) to your relationship with Katsuki. Maybe it all started that faithful night spent under the stars, at any rate it’s been rapidly growing to the point where you two won’t be able to just ignore it anymore. As your gaze drops down from his eyes and onto his lips, you don’t think you want to anyway. This doesn’t go unnoticed by the aforementioned male, and in response he steps closer, further intruding into your personal bubble.

It’s painful for him to think that just a few hours ago, he was slowly suffocating at the hands of that disgusting sludge villain. How close had he come to giving up hope? Who was he kidding, he had given up then. Closing his eyes, your angry face was the only thing he could see and that was when he realized; I’m going to die and never be able to fix things with the person that’s most important to me

Then lo and behold, here comes fucking Deku to the rescue! It made him sick to think about any of it, he’d be cursed to mentally replay today’s events for all of eternity.

“Katsuki….what…what do you want from me?”

The question pulled him out of his own thoughts and without actually thinking he replied; “Everything you’d be willing to give me”.

Well, that certainly wasn’t what you were expecting and you certainly weren’t expecting to be bold enough to bridge the gap between your lips…but you did.

So that’s how you ended up being carried up stairs, thrown down the bed, attached at the mouth, with your best friend on top of you. At some point you’d lost your shirt and now your skirt was flipped up; Allowing Katsuki to eagerly rut against your clothed sex, as you grinded against his erection.You whined softly, as he abruptly ended the kiss, “Please Suki, I want you so bad…please”.

This was the first time he’d ever picked up this scent coming from you, and it was interfering with his rational mind. Studying your mussed appearance, the fondness he’d developed for you over the years brought a certain warmth to his heart.

When you impatiently humped against him again he realized what this new scent was, and oh fuck was he ever obsessed with it. It was like a switch flipped, triggering a sudden change in personality and it was both startling and exciting.

Suddenly your wrists are pinned above your head and two fingers begin to stroke the wet spot on the crotch of your panties.

“Look at how wet you are for me and I’ve barely even done anything…You want me Omega? Want your Alpha to finally claim you?” His voice was so gravely and deep. You nodded eagerly, so happy that he finally acknowledged himself as YOUR Alpha out loud.

Moving your panties to the side, the pads of his calloused fingers slipped between your soaked lips to teasingly play with your clit.

“You’ve always been mine princess and you always will be, just for me….So no more provoking me by flirting around with these fucking nobodies got it?” He warns, eyes narrowing before kissing you softly.

“You’re gonna make me have to hurt somebody if you do, and then…I’ll have to punish you too…you won’t like it but it’ll have to be done if you don’t listen to me”.

The sudden sound of a shrill ring from his cellphone was enough to temporarily break the hold his alpha had on him.

“If you attempt to claim an unpresented Omega before their first heat then the Omega won’t be able to ever be claimed properly”

Shit! What was he doing?!

Disregarding his phone completely he jumped backwards and fell off the bed.

“Suki?!” You scrambled to look down at his frightened face as he lay sprawled out on the floor. Now with the towel no longer in the way you stopped yourself from outright staring at his still hard dick. You couldn’t stop the needy whimper that escaped you, still very much wanting him.

Katsuki swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing as he tries to firmly say “No _______, we…we cant do this…not now”. This set your clouded mind into a manic frenzy; He was denying you? After all that drama that almost ruined your friendship completely? Was that other girl better than you or something? Why her but not you?!

Sensing your mood shift before even smelling the change in your scent, he made sure both his pheromones and voice were coming out soothing while he explained the issue.

“So it’s because….because I’m still not presented yet? It’s not really because you don’t want to be with me?” Your voice sounded so sad as you shrunk in on yourself. The terror of being rejected had passed, but now you were once again self conscious at your lack of having your first heat.

“I want you more than anything, well you and being #1 are something I’d rather not force to compete on a scale of importance to me but…fuck! I can’t ever figure out how to say what I mean when you’re around me!” He let out a frustrated snarl, slamming shut the drawer he’d just pulled a pair of gym shorts from.

“I wouldn’t ever expect you to pick one or the other” you reply, sliding off the bed intent on getting dressed. Just as you get to your feet, you get knocked off them. Falling backwards on the bed you growl in frustration and as you open your mouth to snap at him, your words die instantly. Lust blown pupils almost cover up the small sliver of Dark Red eyes as they stare you down, effectively pinning you to the mattress.

“K-Katsuki Y-You said we c-cant do that….so why?” A finger is pressed to your lips.

“I said we couldn’t do THAT single thing…we can do other things princess…all sorts of things I’ve only imagined doing to you” he kisses down the length of your body, stopping at the waist band of your underwear.

“I’m keeping these” he says before yanking them off you in one swift pull.

You stare back at him; Wide eyed and speechless as he spreads your shaking legs wide. The self conscious feeling that washed over you as he inspects your bare pussy vanishes immediately as he mumbles a quiet “God damn”.

Licking his lips, he gives you a sinister smile, “You’ve been hiding this from me for all this time…You know how many ruts I’ve went through just imagining what secrets you were keeping under that fuckin’ skirt of your’s princess?”.

“M’sorry” you whimper as his fingers once again slip between your lower lips. “Nah, I know yer’fuckin’ not princess…can’t lie to me” he gives your clit a smack “That’s for trying though…naughty girl”. You let out a soft shriek at the sting and he laughs.

“No more talkin’, I got this sloppy little pussy in my face all wet and soakin’ jus f’me…but I’ll say one last thing”

Your staring up at the ceiling; Trying to control your rapid heart beat and slow your panting breaths, waiting for him to do something…anything. You glance down at him and lose your breath over the smoldering look in his eyes and haughty expression on his face.

Lowering his mouth down until his lips are an inch from your pulsating clit he looks into the windows of your soul rasping “itadakimasu” right as he buries his face in your throbbing cunt.

You don’t even try to hold back the loud keen that erupts from somewhere deep inside your gut. You’ve never experienced such an amazing feeling, and oh god the shameless sounds he’s making as he throughly enjoys the first taste of you are just raunchy.

Slurping, growling, squelching, paired with his sinful groans of pleasure are nearly drowned out by your sporadic crys of his name. Something has been steadily building up since his lips first touched your pussy; A strange pressure that makes you suddenly uneasy and you try your best to squirm away. He shuts this down right away, delivering another slap to the inside of your thigh as he snarls; “Stop fuckin’ runnin’ from me princess”.

Tears begin to pool in your eyes as you force out a shaky “S-st-stop! SUKI! P-please I-I’m go-gon-gonna pee! Stop!”.

This man doesn’t even open his eyes as he growls “You aren’t, I promise you won’t…fuckkk…just let it go f’me baby”.

Your whole body is trembling and you sob at the thought of how humiliating this was going to be, but you couldn’t have held it back if you tried to. As soon as the pressure In your lower half starts to release you swear your soul exits your body. You can hear Katsuki praising you “Fuck yes _______, that’s it baby…squirtin’ all over my tounge mmmm love my messy girl”.

He just said he loved you!

“Oh god Katsuki, you…you’re fucking amazing!” You continue to sob as aftershocks rock through your twitching body.

“Mhmm tell me something I don’t know pretty girl”.

Your eyes open, slowly taking in your surroundings and savoring the familiar but slightly different scent surrounding you. The distinct smell of caramel has an underlying spice to it, like cinnamon and you try not to focus on the tingling it’s causing. Shivering at the significant lack of warmth surrounding your body has you realizing you are alone.

Where was Katsuki?

The past few days were kind of blurry; You had brief flashes of memory, all centered around the explosive alpha.

YOUR explosive alpha

Hisses your omega, always eager to correct. Must be the last day or two of your heat, judging by her significantly quieter voice.

Wait.

Your hand flew to the prominent bite that had begun scabbing over on your neck. He didn’t even ask properly! You weren’t at all rational enough to make such a life altering decision! You knew that eventually this was where you wanted your relationship to lead, but not right now.

This was honestly somewhat devastating.

You were blinking back tears when you heard the soft creak of the door opening. Normally, the sight of a tip toeing Katsuki would have had you giggling. Now however you sat watching silently; The blonde male had his back facing you while precariously balancing a plate of food on a stack of books, shutting the door with an uncharacteristic softness. Glancing over his shoulder, he turns towards you abruptly and his eyes light up.

“Finally awake princess?”

The smile on his face is breathtaking but you can’t fully return it, only managing a slight grin as you mumble a quiet “Yeah”.

Setting the books on his nightstand he sits beside you, holding the plate of food, “Good, I cooked us a little something, I was fuckin’ starving so I already ate, but this is for you”.

You take the plate and utensils from him and force yourself to eat. It’s hard to choke down the meal when all you want to do is scream, but you do it.

You wonder if he too has this awkward feeling that you do right now but when he speaks your immediately aware it isn’t mutual.

“I’m really happy that we finally got to share a cycle together princess, the first of many now that we’re…” he gets a little choked up, face reddening as he says “mates”. Taking you in his arms, he sighs blissfully as he looks over the mating mark he’d given you; “It’s healing nicely, doesn’t hurt much does it?”. Not returning his sentiment you shake your head “No it’s fine, what about you? Or umm did I not-?”.

“Oh you definitely gave me one too” he interrupts smugly, tilting his head to the side for you to see. Sure enough, the bruised indents where you’d sunk your teeth in shown brightly against his sun kissed skin. You couldn’t help running your fingertips across the bruised ridges, suddenly feeling flushed and needy upon contact.

“I-I think, Katsuki it’s…”

“It’s okay baby, it’s another wave just let me take these off real quick and I’ll take real good care of ya” his voice is calm and a soothing feeling falls over you as he strips out of his clothing. Laying back on the bed you commence shameles ogling; Appreciating the rippling back muscles and budging biceps that signaturely belong to your Alpha, your Katsuki. Whining softly as you reach out for him, desperate to feel that overwhelming feeling you’ve come to associate with when your bodies meet.

“Present for me Omega” the normal rasp in Katsuki’s voice has been replaced with a seductive purr that has your whole body vibrating as you clamor to grant his request. Now that you are in your almost normal state of mind; it’s rather embarrassing to be face down on the bed, poking your ass up high in the air.

“That’s it, good girl” the mattress dips lightly behind you as he joins you once more “You probably don’t remember a whole lot from the last few days, but s’Okay cause I certainly do”.

You jump slightly as his hands begin kneading your cheeks while he spreads them apart, “Aw don’t tell me your getting shy on me now!”.

You whimper at the low whistle he emits as he gets a good look at both your holes. “You don’t need to feel embarrassed baby, you’ve pretty much lived on my cock the last few days” Then you feel a wet glob of something land on your puckered entrance and your immediately squealing.

“There aren’t any more secrets between us now, I know you body and soul, inside and out”

Or so he thinks…

[remcycl333]

hi beautiful! it’s ☹️ anon. im gonna follow the routine you gave me. i made a list of about 17 affirmations that i can pick and choose from and word them however, but ill loop the same 3 if i ever feel to lazy to rampage. i do need some of your advice because i will be leaving tumblr even tho i miss waking up and sleeping to your posts.

1. what if i spiral and freak out about if im doing something right? like for ex. i am worried about my wording because my desire hasn’t come yet or the opposite happened and i feel the urge to check one of your posts or overconsume. what do i do? i heard most people say “answer it yourself” but what if i convince myself of the wrong answer?

2. what do i do when i spiral? because i know i will, so what do i do?

3. i obviously struggle with comparison, so how do i deal with that? i filtered my social media to avoid seeing people with my dream life BUT when sad tik toks or pretty girls on tik tok pop up on my fyp. i can’t help but want to be sorry for myself, how do i deal with that? even outside of tik tok like real life if i see someone else with their bf while mine is thousands of miles away, how do i deal with that?

4. how do i take care but not neglect my 3D at the same time? for example, if im studying for a test because i think ill fail instead of trusting my ability to manifest regardless of the test. isn’t that contradicting my manifestation? because i used to fail tests or like assignments because i thought “id manifest it away anyways” and now im kind of experiencing the consequences of my actions.

5. how do i stop complaining about my circumstances and life and feeling sorry for myself? whenever my friend is like “ugh i wish i was pretty”, i CANT help but feel the urge to tell her i relate (after comforting her obviously) or if my family calls since im miles away and they ask how im doing and i start complaining.

6. how do i repeat the new story without lying? for example, if my friends ask me if my bf is far away. i can’t lie and say no he isn’t because they know him and they know he’s far away. or they are talking about how they feel sorry about him being away. what do i say? if i agree with them, isn’t that reaffirming the old story? do i just repeat over and over again in my head that he’s actually here with me?

7. how do i deal with depressive episodes while manifesting?

8. does the state from which you’re affirming from matter? like if im repeating affirmations, shouldn’t it just matter that im affirming rather than the state that im affirming in? because a lot of people say that if you affirm from lack, it won’t manifest.

hey love!! u can screenshot this post to refer to during your time off tumblr!! 🤍

if you freak out about whether or not you're doing something right, tell yourself that you are always doing everything right. flip the thought like you would flip any negative thought! and remind yourself it's not about the wording of the affirmation, it's about the intent behind it!!

when you spiral, try your hardest to calm yourself down and go on a self-concept rampage. for example: no, i'm not doing this, i am literally god and i know that im only doubting because my affirmations are working and my ego is scared. but im doing this for my own good and i won't stop no matter what! i am god, my life is perfect no matter what i see in my 3D, i will not be fooled by my 3D. i am more powerful than any negative thought i have and i don't have to fall victim to them anymore. i refuse to!

i get where you're coming from with tiktok. i used to have to take breaks from tiktok bc id see couples/pretty girls and feel bad for myself. but everyone is you pushed out. if you see someone you think is pretty, or someone in a happy relationship, it's because you've been focusing on being pretty/being in a happy relationship. think of it as birds before land/a sign that your desires are manifesting. also a little tool is, for example, if you see someone in a happy relationship just affirm something like "aww they remind me of my sp and i! we act just like that!" or if you see someone you think is pretty/has a feature you want: "omg, my [facial feature] looks just like theirs!" "my body looks just like theirs, but im skinnier!" "wow they're almost as pretty as me!" etc

something i do when i have to deal with my 3d is affirm in my head that i dont know why im bothering to do that thing when i know i have my manifestation. using the example you did, when i'd be studying i'd be like "ugh i dont even know why im bothering to study when i already know everything about this topic and know im gonna ace this test no matter what. im wasting my time studying when i know im literally guaranteed to pass"

i know it's hard not to complain, but you are not a victim to your own thoughts. you have to force yourself, even if it's hard. "i can't help myself" yes u can!!! u are god!!!! force yourself to stop. give a simple answer and then change the topic.

similar to the last answer. don't lie bc that will stress yourself out. give a simple answer and then change the subject. then affirm the opposite in your head. once is enough if you only said one thing to your friend!! don't start complaining. you have the power to stop yourself. no one can force you to talk about something you don't want to talk about.

the way i deal with depressive episodes is listening o affirmation tapes and focusing on my self concept. i also force myself to keep my mind busy. i read, or play a video game, or watch a show/move (not one that's depressing or heavy). and remember that you can still manifest even when you're depressed!!

you don't have to be in any specific state to manifest!! your dominant thoughts manifest. as long as you're affirming for your desire more than you're affirming the opposite/the old story, you will be fine!!

that just reminded me of another thing u can add to ur routine!! write a script that is everything you want your dream life to be like and read it at least once a day to remind yourself of your new story. this would be a great thing to do before you get out of bed in the morning!! u can write it in your notes app!

since you say u like to read my posts to motivate yourself, throughout your day if you feel yourself struggling ask yourself "what would rem do?" "would rem be proud of me if she knew what i was doing/thinking about rn?" "what would rem say about this?" etc. hopefully that'll be a good source of motivation/comfort for you!!

if you are doubting, spiraling, thinking of giving up, tell yourself that's your ego. i always do this, i tell myself it's because im so close to my manifestation and the universe/my ego is trying to trip me up. take it as a sign/birds before land. keep going keep going keep going!!

you got this angel, i know you do!!! i believe in your 100%! you are perfectly capable. make me proud!! 🤍

[yinses]

B R A N D E D

| he would make sure that everyone knew who you belonged to |

tattoo artist! sukuna ryomen

rating: t

a/n: this is going to be a three part series. it got too long because i couldn’t shut up. thank you to @teoran for beta reading !! 

you should have never informed yuuji that you were thinking about getting a tattoo, because of course his first response would be hey, sukuna owns a shop. why don’t you stop there. as if you didn’t already known that. your other friend, unfortunately had not known how to be subtle about it.

its when you go to hand off your card that they gasp audibly, drawing the attention of both yourself and the woman behind the counter.

“you’re not going to ask for a discount? i mean you know the owner, right?”

she jumps back quick enough to dodge the errant elbow you throw her way.

you knew you would regret telling her.

the woman is undeterred as she take your card, looking bored with the news. “so you know sukuna, huh?” the way she said it implied that it wasn’t the first time it had been made known to her.

you had known the man long enough to know where her thoughts were going with that assumption. sukuna wasn’t only popular for his art. a shudder rolled through your body at the idea of being categorized as one of his flings.

it wasn’t as though you were intentionally shaming the women. but it was sukuna. the same guy who locked you and his younger brother out on the patio whenever he was meant to keep an eye on you. and then blamed you for hiding from him when the responsible adults got home.

in hindsight, maybe you should have chosen another location. but now your card has been charged.

you scribbled your signature on the receipt, “uh yeah, awhile now. im not requesting him or anything.”

“his appointment book is full anyway. he doesn’t take walk ins.” its not said snidely, just matter of fact. as if she was seasoned with dealing with these kind of customers.

the man of topic strides in then, carrying a few bags of take-out that he drops carelessly onto the counter. he doesn’t m look unlike any other day, a loose white sleeveless shirt with a low hanging v-neck that just invited attention to his skin. the swirls of black ink made permanent by his hand only. though that was the advantage of this field and owning your own business on top of it.

sukuna was prepared to ignore the clientele planted at front desk, until he did a double take. those vermilion eyes took you in, morphing from speculation, to shock, a pinch of awe, then back to postulation.

“what are you doing here?”

a small frown mars you face. you didn’t actually consider that perhaps sukuna wouldn’t want you here. it was one thing to know the guy, but whether you wanted to accept it or not, you weren’t just another customer. so you unsurely respond with, “getting a tattoo?”

the snort he gives isn't one of annoyance. in fact its almost comforting to see the minuscule curl of his lips until they start to part, “yeah, missing something aren’t you?”

you realize with a frown that he’s referring to his brother.

“i have other friends.”

that slow smile wides as he gives your friend a brief look of appreciation. suddenly all those years of witnessing him cart his flings around rise to the forefront of your mind.  really nothing rarely changed. “ i can see that.”

his gaze cuts back to you, “what are you getting? your boyfriends name?”

you cant tell if he’s teasing, fishing or a combination of them both.

he turns to lean over the counter, arms flexing at the action and pinches the fresh design still hot from the printer. you resist the urge to shuffle in place as he inspects the image with more interest than there were lines. it was hardly all that complex, just as you intended.

sukuna finally voices his opinion, to no surprise of your own. “yeah? kind of small isn’t it?”

“its my first sukuna,” you drawl.

you realize too late that the wording isnt best around him.

“no kidding.”

he tugs a styrofoam box free from the plastic bag before gesturing to you with a tilt of his head.

“alright, lets knock it out.”

you look to the woman expecting her to complain about his pending appointments but she only returns it with a pointed look. when it came down to it, what the boss wanted goes.

right then.

turning, you address your friend who seemed more invested in watching sukuna’s departure. “are you coming?”

her gaze snaps to you and she doesn’t even bother to pretend. she shrugs, “you may not be squeamish about needles but i am.” her hand waves vaguely towards the lounge area near the coffee station and stack of assorted snacks. “i’ll come running if you scream though,” she teases as you turn down the hall.

sukuna’s voice carries from the right in guidance where you find him setting his food off to the side. the room is neat. though you don’t know what you were expecting given the health expectations lining his work. then again, you’d spent the better part of the decade watching him cart week old pizza boxes out of his room so it was hardly a baseless assumption.

aside from the desk of tools and variety of inks the only other defining feature was the wall at the back. there was no rhyme or direction to the madness. the once white wall was littered with varying penmanships and messages. almost like an autograph book. some derogatory, others genuinely thankful for his work - you think you see a few numbers too.

the cushion of the seat protests under his weight as he rolls to the center of the room. he has the stencil of your chosen art held up in expectation.

“where is this pretty little thing going?”

“oh my rib- here on the right.” you think nothing of bringing up the hem of your shirt to expose the skin just under the curve of your breast.

he almost looks impressed, though there is some doubt. he wheels closer and gives no warning as his hand palpates the area. “over the bone? that’s daring for your first tattoo, princess.”

the name was nothing new, an accompaniment to yuuji’s ‘brat’.

part of you actually grateful that its sukuna. the entire shop had good reviews but it was best known for his talent. besides, the charge was already sitting on your card.

“i can handle it.”

he’s still squinting at your side, fingers tickling at your skin.

“yeah?” he answers absently. nimble digits you didn't think had any taste for delicacy carefully peel the plastic from the stencil. he doesn’t second guess himself in the slightest before pressing it to your skin.

when he pulls away, the chair follows him as he collects a hand mirror from his desk to reflect the design back to you.

“double sure?” he’s still rallying your resolve, but there is a hint of warning to his voice as professionalism seeps in.

with a firm nod you seal the deal,” yeah.”

“aright, pin up your shirt out of the way. tuck it into your bra if you want.”

you were expecting this already, given the location you’d decided on. with sukuna that action comes effortlessly without thought. it was no different than the times he’d seen you in your bathing suit, your brain reasoned. at least you still had your pants this time.

sukuna rests back into a lean against his small desk. absently you note that his eyes haven't left you once since you’d entered the room.

“eager little thing aren't you?”

but its sukuna.

you shrug.“ i guess. kind of been saving up for this one.”

the noise he makes is non-committal as he nods to the angled chair.

without your shirt there was no barrier between yourself and the leather. you expected the cold chill but the lack of stickiness kind of surprised you. once again you were reminded of the indisputable list of reviews at your fingertips.

sukuna goes about collecting the materials to disinfect your skin, angling the bottle and cotton over the trash can to catch the excess drops. satisfied with the saturation, he slides back.

you try to absorb the brief shock you feel when he applies the alcohol to your skin. it was hardly a substitute for actual bracing to come but it was good practice. when you look up, you catch his gaze again.

he’d been more observant in these last few minutes than you could ever recall sukuna caring before. maybe it was the job. though the thought of him excelling at customer service has you fighting a snort.

“cold,” you supply and he gives another grunt.

he chucks the cotton ball into the trash with all the efficiency of a man who has made a sport out of it and probably keeps score.

deciding on a solid color eliminated the need for him to break away to change shades, eliminating any surplus time keeping you in this chair.

a gloved hand braces your side, pinching the skin, while the other holding the gun rests against your sternum. when the motor starts you take a careful breath in. sukuna’s eyes raise at the sound.

“not nervous?”

you blink, expecting him to just get to it.

“uh, not really? i’ve never really been afraid of needles.”

he pauses. just when you part your lips to ask what wrong the buzzing starts.

its impossible not to tense at the first bite of the needle. but you fight the urge to jerk. it stings. the vibration of the motor is uncomfortable against your ribcage but it's not unbearable. you certainly wouldn't cry.

sukuna seems to notice it as well.

“not going to lie thought you’d be more of a cry baby? weren't you the one sobbing after you stubbed your toe.”

you latch onto the idle chatter even if it's a jibe.

“i was eleven and i sprained that toe.”

he gives you a quick glance. “sure, princess. completely called for the waterworks.”

you snort. “yeah well it made me stronger. im barely affected today.”

your words are followed by a shift of his hand as it turns to follow a line, the movement pressing firmly against the underside of your breast. you're too attentive to the needle pinching at your skin to take notice.

but sukuna does, eyes narrowing without your awareness.

“yeah, i can see that.”

rather than closing your eyes to block out the pain, you find a more comforting distraction in tracing the lines of his tattoos with your gaze. you can hardly make out the first tattoo he’d gotten at the age of seventeen after forging his parents signature. 

the abstract design had now branched out, interlocking with new styles to map out the formation of a sleeve. it was almost like his own branded language. a dialect of bold shapes and bands. you’d never thought to actually ask what his tattoos meant. nor did you expect an honest answer.  

sukuna works rather quickly and efficiently while your mind wandered. even if he hadn’t squeezed you in during his lunch break this felt like the usual pace for him. he looked so in the zone as he followed the pre-made lines to perfection.

you weren’t the model customer, still having your brief moments of weakness but he rolled with the interruptions better than you expected. sukuna was brash growing up and didn’t tolerate nonsensical people. you’d had your fair share of opportunities to be chewed out by him.

and earned a reasonable amount of them, though your returning attitude said otherwise.

but this sukuna was softer, if you could put it like that. he knew the right time to give you breaks but didn’t let your nerves settle too much. when he wasn’t adding a layer to permanency to your skin, an errant finger would smooth over the swelling flesh.

more than once you heard him throw out a quiet good girl. that you knew was meant to be encouraging but it came with additional implications that tickled your skin.

he tells you that you should be grateful that the artwork doesn’t need any shading. that it was never a good fit for beginners.

your chest expands the furthest it had in the last half hour when he finally rolls back.

“alright, princess, go ahead and take a look.”

you take the offered mirror again and angle it to take in the fresh piece. the reflection you get back is- amazing. you’d been so concentrated?? on micromanaging the pain that you failed to take in the little details he’d added along with the original design.

as if reading your thoughts, he snorts. “it's not my art if i don't leave my mark. you can tell me it looks good you know.”

if you didn't know any better, you’d say he was authentic in his attempt to bait your approval.

and you had no reason not to provide.

your legs are a little shaky but you manage to balance yourself before brining the eldest itadori into a hug. sukuna goes stiff for a moment before returning the embrace and doesn’t resist when you press your face into his shoulder. there’s an awkward pat before they release each other from the hold.

sukuna .. before he’s shrugging you off.

“god, what a noob. at least let me cover it up. you’re going to irritate the skin.”

when he turns back to rummage through his desk you note the hint of a flush creeping up his nape. you know better than to mention it, instead just smiling at his back.

there is a scowl on his face as he applies the cotton square to your skin and tapes it in place.

“please do not itch this shit. i don’t care if you feel like your skin is going to fall off.”

he presses a small tube of antibiotic into your hand.

“and apply this daily. you don't need it drying out. “

you’re grateful for the little slip of printed instructions that follow. you were able to remember the sensible directions but it couldn't hurt to have additional guidance when you started to question the progress.

“oh and no sex.”

that was definitely not on the list.

sukuna raises a brow in all seriousness. “what? if you get your blood pumping too much.”

you call him on his bullshit,” this small? hardly. “

he raises his hands in mock surrender. “alright, try it yourself if you want. i charge for touch ups though.”

the two of you size each other up. just like old times.

with a sigh you relent, “fine, no sex.”

“good, see me in two weeks.”

his words stop you short. it wasn’t as if you needed anything added and he wasn’t a physician checking on your progress. if anything, you would only revisit your artist if there was a problem.

“what for?”

the dawning grin would follow you for the next fourteen days.

“to make sure you didn’t have sex.”