#carina deluca sick

[echofades]

STATION 19 | 7.10: One Last Time

[captainsavre]

Maya and Carina || Station 19 - 7.07 ‘Give It All’

[somber-sapphic]

I’ve been laid up in bed all weekend with some chest thing. I think my body is trying to get bronchitis. I just want Maya and Carina to take care of me. Any chance you could write a Marina taking care of reader for me?

Waiting For Morning

〖Summary: Carina and Maya watch over you while you sleep.〗

〖Word Count: 795〗

〖Pairing: Marina x sick R〗

〖Notes: Hi anon! I'm sorry you're not feeling well :(. Drink lots of fluids, rest and please go to the doctor if you need to. I hope this helps you feel a little better <3〗

“Maybe we should take them in,” Maya whispered, trying very hard not to disturb you from your fitful slumber. You had finally managed to fall asleep, but it wasn’t restful in the slightest. You were still coughing even in your sleep, it was a wheezy rattling sound that took so much energy out of you. 

She had told you to keep an eye on that cold, Carina had done the same. When they had first started to fuss over you it felt so unnecessary. The common cold was something you could brush off. Until it wasn't. Something about this cold had been different, you hadn’t thought much about the clinging cough but when the fever struck you knew something was wrong. 

“No, not yet. They need to rest. We’ll keep an eye on their breathing and temperature, if it gets worse we can take them.” Carina replied, shifting ever so slightly to help you get more comfortable. She had surrendered herself as a living body pillow hours ago, abandoning the nice dinner that she had been attempting to cook. 

Maya didn’t seem convinced; her face had been pinched into a concerned expression since you had started to deteriorate and she refused to leave your side. While you clung to Carina she clung to you, worried that something would go wrong the second she took her eyes off you. 

“They’ve been getting worse!” Maya hissed, tucking strands of hair behind your ear, periodically brushing a thumb against your cheek. 

It was something she’d started to do after you’d had a nightmare and she picked up the habit after noticing how well it calmed you down. Now, whenever you were stressed, had a bad dream, or were sick she’d stroke your cheekbone and brush your hair behind your ear. The combination always worked. 

You stirred, waking to a coughing fit that just couldn’t be ignored. You curled yourself into a ball and coughed into Carina’s side, not fully aware of her surroundings. The brunette didn’t protest, she and Maya just rubbed your back and waited for the fit to pass. 

When you finally pealed your eyes open with a small sniffle you looked up into the face of the doctor who smiled back at you. For a moment you considered apologizing but you were too tired. You knew she didn’t care anyway so apologizing wouldn’t matter. 

“Hello, my love. How are you feeling?” You grunted in response and shrugged, rolling to your other side to face Maya. The blonde kissed your forehead and the tip of your nose, doing her best to make you smile. It worked, it always worked. Even when she was stressed Maya could always make you smile. 

“Time’sit?” You croaked, pulling yourself up onto your elbows. The small movement made you dizzy, and you regretted whatever urge decided that you needed to move in the first place. Your whole body hurt, your lungs aching alongside the rest of your muscles. 

“A little past two in the morning. Can you tell us how you’re feeling?” Maya asked moving closer, to help prop you up. You leaned against her and shrugged again, already letting your eyes shut for another moment.

“Not great. Why’re you guys still up?” You reached blindly for Carina, hitting her lightly until you found her hand to hold. Her hands were soft and warm in contrast to Maya’s calloused palms. The two were polar opposites, sometimes it surprised you that they managed not to kill each other at the beginning of your relationship. 

“It’s hard to sleep when someone you love is sick,” Carina said, cringing at her words. “God that was corny, wasn’t it?” Maya laughed and your lips quirked up in a smile. It was corny, but you loved it. 

“It was pretty bad.” You admitted, lowering yourself back against the pillows. This time you dragged Maya with you so that you were sandwiched more comfortably between your girlfriends. You sniffled tiredly and shivered, your discomfort reemerging. 

Carina brought the blanket up over your shoulders and Maya kissed your shoulder, both of them doing the best they could to help you feel better. 

“If you aren’t breathing better in the morning we’re going to Grey Sloan.” The brunette decided, her anxiety winning over what she knew was likely something that could clear up on its own. She was okay with being overprotective when it came to you. Maya nodded her agreement, but you had already started to fall asleep again, not noticing her reaction. 

“Get some rest for now. We’ll see how you’re doing in the morning.” The firefighter wrapped an arm around your waist, spooning you against Carina. The three of you lay like that in a warm cocoon, your girlfriends joining you in sleep only moments later. 

[donnydamakkk]

every woman casted on station 19 was casted to personally induce gay panic attacks on the sapphic community

[loveislovealways]

Carina being cute and grumpy

[stupidlamename]

Shondaland hates lesbians.

[tvseries-writings]

Heat Kills

Plot: Reader has an heatstroke caused by an intensive workout.

Maya Bishop x Carina DeLuca x reader

You can't stand the heat; you’ve hated it since you were little, always. When summer came, you were happy just because school was over but, at the same time, you hated the forty degrees you had to endure every single day.

Then you became a professional soccer player and, having always played on teams up north, you never felt as hot as you did this season with the OL Reign. Although the Seattle Women's soccer Team has been a great benefit in your career, this scorching heat is truly terrible, especially since you are not used to it.

A small sigh leaves your lips as you grab your water bottle and tuck it into your backpack, ready to face a scorching workout in the ten o'clock morning sun.

"Good morning Bella, where are you going?" Carina hugs you from behind, her breasts pressing against your back as she fondles your butt with an amused smirk on her face.

"Car I'm on my way to practice and I'm already late ... as much as I would like to slam you against this table, unfortunately I can't."

You turn around, staying in her arms and kissing the tip of her nose with a smile.

Carina pouts, and after a few seconds, just long enough for her brain to work and understand what you've just told her, her gaze changes to a frown of confusion and concern at the same time.

"The weather alert has been issued, didn't you see it Bambina? You can't train in this heat, it's going to be 104° F out there..."

You sigh and shake your head slightly. You knew this conversation would happen, and you also know how it will end. Probably with a gorgeous, sexy Italian doctor very pissed off at you.

"Car, I can't miss another workout. Less than two weeks ago I was sick and couldn't train for almost a whole week, I can't miss any more days. I have to earn my place on the team, you know it's important to me…like this"

Carina shakes her head several times, hard. She tortures her lower lip, clenching it between her teeth, and although you find it very sexy, the particularly pissed off look on the Italian's face gives you pause to comment on how hot she is when she does this.

"You'll get sick if you run in this heat. They can't make you train with a weather alert, è sconsiderato e stupido. Cazzo."

Your lovely girl rants in her native language, and you foolishly fail to control yourself and let your eyes wander to the clock hanging on the wall behind the angry doctor.

You had never done that before.

"Are you really thinking you're going to be late? No way, you can't really think about going y/n. Ugh, who am I kidding? Of course you want to go, sometimes I think you're worse than Maya...you know what, fai come ti pare."

"Carina, wait-"

Before you can even try to stop her and reason with her, the brunette locks herself in your bedroom slamming the door and making the whole apartment shake.

You know her, you know that she just has to let the pissing go now. So, despite the knot in your stomach from the fight and with the excuse of giving her the space she needs, you bend down to pick up your duffel bag and then leave the apartment, stuffing your car keys into the left pocket of your shorts, ready to head to the soccer field.

.........................................................................................

After only an hour and a half of practice, you realize you've screwed up big time when you start to lose all feeling in your body and feel like you're floating on air. Your teammates are no better off than you are.

You cast a glance at Coach Harvey, praying that she will notice the terrible condition you are in but you doubt it. After all, she is sitting in the shade and with all this heat you doubt she is really watching you. At least, not today.

The ball is put back in the middle, after Clarke has scored one of her famous goals, and the coach blows her whistle. You run nonstop to get to Clarke's side; you cross the half-court line and are careful not to be offside as you pass the ball between you over and over again.

You don't know how but suddenly you are no longer in control of your body and your right foot ends up over the ball instead of to the side. In less than a second, you find yourself on the ground groaning in pain as soon as you hit the ground.

"Fuck."

You snort, wrinkling your nose and taking the hand offered to you without even understanding who is offering it to you. Octavia gives you a smile, although she can't really hide the worry on her face.

She helps you to your feet and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"You don't look so good, are you okay?"

Meanwhile, the other girls have taken the opportunity there to take a break and drink some water, and you don't blame them, especially considering that you still have another hour of training ahead of you.

Octavia Blake is many things but she is definitely not a quitter. Never.

"You're really hot y/n, are you sure you feel good?"

You don't answer her, you don't feel good at all, and you can't even understand her.

"I don't think Carina and Maya would agree, you know? I'll take you to them."

You don't really understand what she is saying, not at all. The heat clouds your mind; you run a hand over your forehead, you have the impression that you are dripping with sweat but actually you are not, your hand is completely dry when you pull it back.

Not good, not good at all. A cold shiver runs down your spine as you lean against Octavia making her support you even more and she is the one who supports you even more.

From that moment until she takes you to Station 19, you don't notice anything, just her shaking you from time to time as you go, calling your name several times as you continue to lose consciousness. The only time you realize you are at the station is when Andy and Vic help Octavia get you out of the car.

They’re probably calling your name but you can't answer; honestly, you don't even know how you are there, really.

You don't know how much time has passed, but you only begin to understand what is going on around you because of your Italian girlfriend's warm hands caressing your face.

"Bambina, bambina look at me. Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Carina swipes a strand of wet hair from your forehead, bringing it behind your ear. The doctor pulls a small flashlight out of her gown, turns it on and holds it in front of your eyes while she holds your head still.

"Y/n, follow the light, honey. Follow the light, okay?"

You wrinkle your nose, and the nausea you have been feeling up to this point only increases as you are blinded by the flashlight.

You scan Carina with one arm, turn onto your side and vomit all the contents of your stomach onto the floor.

Carina strokes your back, trying to give you as much comfort as she can, while Andy shoves an IV of cold fluids into you.

"Andy, call Maya. I think the heat stroke is a lo worse than I thought. She's not even sweating..."

As soon as Carina sees Andy running down the hall to find your firegirl, she immediately turns to you and takes the thermometer out of Vic's hands. She sticks it in your mouth, even though you are not very cooperative, and waits for you to make the sound to check your temperature: 104° F.

Carina gasps and her heart stops for a few seconds; she is more than aware that such a temperature is very dangerous and could even make you convulse.

You start sobbing and try to reach Carina with clumsy and uncoordinated movements, seeking the comfort of a hug. You feel so bad that you do not realize what you are doing; it is as if you have no control over your body. Your confused state only makes the doctor more concerned.

"Bella we can't, your temperature is too high."

Carina bites her lip, trying not to cry. She wants to hold you in her arms but she can’t.

"Car..."

Carina feels her heart stop when suddenly your eyes roll back and your body is suddenly shaken by convulsions.

"Damn it, no no no. Come back to me, Bella.”

Carina turns you on your side, pulling up the arms of the cot and takes care of your head.

"Vic, give her a 12-mg Diazepam drip!"

Vic goes to the station's medical supplies in a flash and rummages around until she finds what Carina asked for. She prepares the solution and inserts the IV into your left arm, which Carina says is your best arm for targeting veins.

In less than three minutes your body has stopped moving. Carina pulls your hair back from in front of your face and leaves a kiss on your forehead before unwinding the IV bag a bit to check the speed at which the drug is being administered.

"Carina!"

Maya Bishop, Captain of Station 19 as well as your girlfriend, comes running up to you. Concern fills her blue eyes that you love so much.

"What happened? Andy told me you were with her but she didn't tell me what it was about..."

Maya takes your hand between her own wincing in shock when she feels how much heat your skin is giving off.

"Shit, she's burning up. We have to get her to Grey's Sloan."

Carina and Maya exchange a glances. Carina twists her lower lip between her teeth and runs a hand through her hair. Both you and the blonde know that this gesture indicates that the brunette is very worried about something.

"No, you know how much she hates Bella hospitals. We can't, we can't do that to her. Let's take her to your office and use your shower to cool her down."

Maya leans over to take you in her arms but Carina stops her, shaking her head firmly.

"You have to be very careful Maya, we shouldn't even be moving her but we need to get her temperature down quickly. She had a seizure and I'm afraid she may still have another one.”

Carina whispers, her voice breaking as she thinks back to the feeling of a few moments ago. Maya takes a deep breath; she doesn't think she has ever been so scared in her entire life. She barely nods, taking you in her arms with such gentleness that she is surprised herself. Maya walks down the corridor to the door of her own office; Carina opens the door for you, and as soon as you cross the threshold, she closes it again.

The blonde firefighter lays you down on her bed, paying special attention to your head as Carina kneels beside you. She puts two fingers on your right wrist to check your pulse while looking at the clock on the wall.

"Pulse is dropping, we need to cool her down now, Maya-“

"Shit, she's seizing. Maya, help me!"

Carina turns you onto your side, removing the pillow from under your head and being very careful about the arm in which the IV needle is still stuck .

"Maya, Maya I need you to focus amore mio. She needs you; Maya look at me" Carina groans in frustration and concern for the blonde, watching her stand absolutely still in front of this horrible sight, "Maya!"

The firefighter blinks a few times before recovering from her shocked state and jumping into action. She lifts everything around that could hurt you and helps Carina hold you on your side so you don't choke on your own tongue.

It takes a good three interminable minutes before the seizure is over and Maya and Carina's arms ache from the force they had to use to hold you down.

"We're running out of time," Carina says, starting to remove off every layer of clothing but your underwear before taking you into her arms. Maya looks like a machine, she does everything Carina tells her to do - like turn on the shower, for example - but her eyes are blank, the Italian knows very well that the blonde is not in a good headspace right now but now the priority, as much as it hurts her to have to necessarily choose between the two of you, is you.

Maya turns on the tub's faucet and waits for it to fill. Carina steps in and slowly and gently losers you into the tub. You gasp, your eyes jerking open as your body feels the excessive change in temperature. A whimper escapes your lips as you try to pull away from the icy grip but firm hands hold you down, whispering excuses you don't want to hear right now.

"N-no, f-cold. I-I don't want to."

Chills run down your spine, making you whimper softly as you try to pulls your girls closer to you.

"I know Amore, I know... Shh, it's okay. You'll get better, you'll get better."

Carina rubs your back, somehow trying to comfort you without giving you too much heat.

The Italian puts her hand on your forehead, feeling that your temperature has dropped a bit.

"Maya I'm cold, I'm cold, I don't want to do this anymore. Please, I don't want to do this anymore."

The fever makes you start cry and your body is shaken by sobs that only make you feel worse.

Her name spoken by you make out of the near catatonic state she has been in.

“Baby, you need to calm down, this is not good for you okay? I promise it will be over soon but this way you are putting to much strain on your heart love. Please calm down."

Maya takes your hand and brings it to her own chest for you to follow her breathing and you do, unconsciously and maybe out of habit, but you do.

Carina keeps an eye on your heartbeat the whole time; her fingers never leaving your pulse for a moment, and her heart only seems to start beating again only when your pulse slows down and becomes stable again, at least for your current condition.

More than twenty minutes pass in the freezing water before you are finally covered with at least a T-shirt and then placed on the bed in Maya's office. Under cooling blankets, contrary to what you would have liked. Your mind is clearer and Carina and Maya are very relieved about that.

"What happened?"

Your voice is barely more than a whisper. You are struggling to find the words and your mouth feels as if it is stuck. It is also exhausting to talk right now, you can barely move your head towards them to look into their eyes as you speak.

"Heat stroke, Octavia brought you here Bella. You've had two convulsive episodes from a high fever. It's down now, but you're not out of the woods yet, so you need to rest."

Carina strokes your face as she points to the IV in your arm. As soon as you see it, you panic. You sit up and scratch your arm to pull the IV out. Under normal circumstances, you would think before you act but now, the delirium of heatstroke is just flying the last neurons you had.

"No no no, the press will go crazy with this news. I can't stay in the hospital, I have to get out of here; an OL soccer player in the hospital for heat stroke, n-"

Maya grabs your face and, to your and Carina's surprise, slaps you. Not so hard that it really hurts, but hard enough to bring you back to reality.

Although shock, fever, and heat stroke cloud your mind, you recognize where you are in a few moments.

"Oh...we're in your office."

You place the hand you were about to use to remove your IV at your side and give them a small apologetic smile.

"It's okay Bella, now get some rest. I'd like to keep you here a little longer for observation. We’ll take you home tonight, if all goes as it should."

Carina leans over you and plants a kiss on your lips, followed soon after by Maya.

"Now Maya and I will talk, you rest. Oh, and don't even think you've escaped the lecture. It’s waiting for you as soon as you feel better.”

Carina smiles at you with a wink and then leaves the office followed by Maya. Not before the latter mimics you an "I love you" with her lips and mentally asks you to pray for her. Surely, Carina won't let her get over the slap she gave you a few minutes ago.

Hey, thanks for reading. I know it's not much and it’s not that good but it's better than nothing, right? Write a comment and tell me what you think. Have a nice day!

p.s: I wrote this because it's like thirty-five degrees in Italy and I'm dying :)

Buy me a coffee ☕️

Taglist: @mmmmokdok @chaekhan @blackhill2245 @melatonindaydreamz @foggytidalwavefun @sevnheaven @budoxinha @gayshyandreadytocry @lighthousekiller @m456300 @blitzar-3 @in-love-with-heda @idontknownemore @lesbianbabe @speedup500 @differentranchempathfestival @mebeingthatbitch @jemilyswife @yuleni18 @whyamihere2673 @reggierizzoli

[youngsadlesbian]

BABY'S FIRST GAY PANIC — carina deluca and maya bishop.

pairing: carina deluca x maya bishop x daughter!reader

summary: you used to love spending your days at the hospital with carina, until suddenly, not anymore.

a/n: english is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes, guys.

word count: 548

warnings: none, just pure fluff.

During much of your childhood you loved moving between your mothers' jobs. Normally you preferred the hospital because there was always someone to talk to while your mother was in surgery or tending to a patient.

As you grew up, your frequency at both jobs decreased, but you still went sporadically. But for a while now you refused to go to the hospital and your mothers didn't know why.

The sudden change in weather in Seattle made you sick and need to stay away from school for a few days. Your mothers were unable to take time off and care for you at home, so Carina decided to take you to the hospital with her.

It's no exaggeration to say that you almost freaked out over this information.

"Mamma, non voglio andare! Please let me stay at home." You had gotten into the habit of mixing English and Italian when you were nervous and Maya thought it was adorable. It was like seeing a young version of Carina gesticulating and complaining around the house.

"Bambina, I can't leave you at home alone. Unfortunately you have to go." You pouted angrily. “I promise to make it up to you at the weekend, okay?”

You didn't have many options so you were forced to accept. Maya decided to take you because she had something to resolve at the hospital, captain's task, as she said. Going to Grey-Sloan was synonymous with being pampered by nurses, even the most grumpy surgeons.

And there were the interns.

Lucas Adams, Simone Griffith, Benson Kwan, Mika Yasuda and... Jules Millin.

She was the reason you didn't like going to the hospital, because let's say you had a gay panic every time you saw her.

"Doctor DeLuca, I was looking for you!" Jules' voice made you want to hide behind Maya, but you wouldn't be a cowardly little baby. "Y/n/n, you finally showed up. You're missed here."

You felt yourself falling apart when the woman's cold hand caressed your cheek. Stammering out some awkward answer, you gave your mother some privacy and sat with Maya at the reception. The firefighter didn't take long to understand what had happened, but decided not to say anything until Carina resolved what she needed.

You were almost falling asleep on Maya's shoulder when Carina came back, smiling and practically jumping with joy.

"I think your intern broke our daughter." Maya commented to your horror. You widened your eyes and hid your face in her neck. "Baby's first gay panic."

Carina put the pieces together and finally understood everything that had been happening. It's not that you didn't enjoy going to the hospital anymore, you just didn't know how to deal with the feeling of being close to Jules with an alarming frequency.

"Do you have a crush on Jules, bambina?" Carina asked and you groaned, both from embarrassment and from a headache. "Oh, now I understand."

"Please don't ever talk about this to anyone." You stood up so suddenly that you felt dizzy, but you managed to disguise it masterfully. "Can I stay with Aunt Amelia today? Please."

Carina couldn't hide her smile in time from you, who looked at her as if you could kill her without even blinking.

"Of course, bambina. Let's talk to her."

[goldenempyrean]

I am LOVING your Marina stuff! Can I request a fic where Maya goes to work sick because duh it’s Maya, as a result she gets injured- nothing serious just broken ribs or a dislocated shoulder (basically anything that makes that makes coughing/sneezing/blowing her nose little bit more inconvenient). Cue hot Italian doctor wife looking after her :))

Doubled Down Misery

〚 Notes - This request was adorable so hopefully I've done it some justice, please ignore any editing errors, It's late and despite unintentionally falling asleep at my desk for 6 hours I'm still tired :,) 〛

〚 Pairing - Maya Bishop x Carina Deluca 〛

〚 Summary - What happens when a too sick to work Maya Bishop gets injured and ends up at Grey Sloan? 〛

〚 Wordcount - 3,400 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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Maya dragged herself out of her bunk with a groan. God, everything hurt. Each movement seemed to make a different part of her body ache, a bitter reminder of the consequences of her stubbornness. She knew she should have called in sick when she felt this cold settling in her sinuses a few nights ago. Maya needed to rest. Captain Bishop needed to work. 

She’d hoped a nap would’ve had her feeling a little better but, in all honesty, she’d woken up feeling worse. The first call of her shift had been eventful. They’d been at the site 4 hours in the pouring rain, shouting orders and organising the scene had torn apart her already hoarse voice leaving it a raspy wreck. 

The blonde sat up woozily, blinking slowly as she adjusted to the spinning room. With a sudden, violent sneeze, she hastily covered her mouth with her elbow, the force of it causing her to sway unsteadily. Maya groaned, leaning back to flop back onto her bed but the moment her body made contact with the mattress, the blaring of the klaxon rang out. 

Maya's heart sank as the shrill sound pierced through her already throbbing head. She cursed under her breath before coughing deeply into her arm. She gave herself a second to compose herself before pushing herself off the bed, fighting against the wave of dizziness threatening to overwhelm her.  

By some miracle she managed to change into her turnouts without falling over and climbed into the engine. She slumped into the front seat, swallowing thickly as Andy slammed the engine into first gear as they hauled out of the station. 

Honestly, she tried her hardest to pay attention as dispatch relayed the information of the scene they were arriving at, but her sinuses demanded her attention. Maya scrunched up her nose, hoping to alleviate the burning itch but it didn’t seem to help. Her breath hitched. Maya tried to hold it off but an inevitable, sneeze seized her, and the firefighter hastily brought her elbow to her face, attempting to muffle the sound. "’Iiishhiew!" Her body jerked with the force of it, and she winced, feeling the ache in her ribs from the strain. 

Andy’s eyes glanced from the road to the sniffling blonde after her head ducked into her elbow twice more. She pulled down her headset and motioned for Bishop to do the same, “You sure you’re up to this? This storm isn’t letting up and you really don’t sound good Cap’.” 

“I’ll be okay.” Maya nodded, clearing her throat with a deep cough, before sniffling damply, “I just need to not lose my voice.” 

Andy gave her a look but said nothing, she knew Maya’s habit of pushing herself in times like this - the fear of being percussion as weak had been deep-rooted into her from childhood, something like that wasn’t easily overcome, “Well we’re only a block out now. Get yourself ready Mai’.” 

“This is gonna be rough.” 

✧.*  

Understatement of the fucking century. 

“What the hell happened?” Carina’s worried voice yelled above the commotion of the ER. She had just been finishing up a patient’s paperwork when she felt her heart drop as she caught site of the messy blonde hair visible from behind the crowd of numerous firefighters and doctors wheeling a bed through the corridor out of the corner of her eye. 

“Bambina?” Oh my god Maya!” The Italian practically dropped the file she’d been holding to race to her wife’s side. Maya was laying on her back, one arm clutching at her side with a visible grimace and the other in a makeshift sling as an oxygen mask was loosely attached to her face. 

“Carina. Carina!” Andy backed up from the bed to pull the doctor aside, encouraging her to take a deep breath as the other doctors got Maya settled in a bay, “She’s okay Carina, she’s gonna be okay. “ 

“Wh-what happened? Maya- she’s-“The brunette spiralled, looking around desperately to make sense of things, she was too worried to think straight. 

“Carina!” Andy gripped her shoulders and used her lieutenant voice, snapping the Italian back to reality, “She’s okay. I promise you, she’s okay. There was an incident at the scene. Maya ran in to save this little boy’s puppy and a support beam from the roof fell onto her. She was on oxygen on the way here for minor smoke inhalation but her O2 levels were improving when we arrived. We’re looking at a broken rib and or arm at the absolute worse, she will be absolutely fine Carina.” 

Carina nodded numbly; her eyes glued to Maya as the doctors continued to work around her. She could see the small grimaces on Maya’s face, the way she clenched her jaw in pain. 

She was just about to head to her side when the rest of the firefighters backed away from the bed, Jack and Travis came jogging towards them both. 

“They’re taking her to x-ray, Dr. Altman said to tell you she’s gonna hand everything.” Jack explained, giving Carina’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. Despite their initial incompatibility, the two had grown closer with the clinic and Jack knew just what Carina needed to hear to reassure her, “She also said that they’re gonna put her in another room since her condition doesn’t require urgent care. She’ll be in B.04 when they’re done.” 

The half an hour or so it had taken for them to be done felt like days. Time had felt like it had crawled by as Carina paced the room. The rest of the Station 19 team had been called away to another fire somewhere downtime and as much as they hated it, they had to attend. 

She was sat on the little armchair in the corner of the room when the door was pushed open by a nurse followed by the bed being wheeled in. “Maya!” Carina’s voice was loud as she called out, instantly jumping up to be at her side.  

“Carina?”  

“Mio Dio,” Carina nervously eyed up the sling that Maya’s right arm had been placed in, her worried gaze following as she noticed Teddy step into the room, “What on earth have you gotten yourself into bambina?” 

Dr. Altman calmed her down for a moment, flashing a reassuring smile, “Carina, Maya will be just fine. I’ll go over anything in a moment, I just need to set up a drip first, okay?” 

“Okay.” Carina nodded but wasted no time in coming to sit on the bed alongside her wife as, the firefighter mumbling something before curling up to her as the blonde doctor carefully inserted an IV into her left hand. 

“Okay. Well, let’s start with the worse of it. Maya had bruised several ribs and fractured her right radius, but please don’t worry, I can assure you theres no severe damage to either. She’ll need to keep the sling on for 4-6 weeks just to let the bone heal.” Teddy explained and instantly the OB could feel her jittering nerves relax as she squeezed Maya’s hand a little softer. 

“However, we took her temperature on arrival and it’s actually a little elevated though and her WBC count is slightly raised, not to mention the fact she’s clearly dehydrated so we’ve given her a fever reducer and general fluids along with the pain relief.” Dr Altman continued as she read from the chart in her hands. Maya stirred in Carina’s hold, turning her head away to cough raspily against her upper shoulder, whining softly at how it caused her chest to throb. 

“You can probably hear but her breathing is a little rough, but we heard congestion in her lungs. She most likely just has a viral infection from what Andy told us but ut we’ll keep an eye on her O2 just incase” 

The OB murmured sympathetically as her wife hid a sniffle against her shoulder, “This really isn’t your day is it sweetheart? Did you not feel well this morning?” 

“No- no, m’fine.” Maya’s eyes fluttered open, her brows furrowing as she tried to sit up a bit more, wincing as pain shot through her ribs. "Really, Carina, it's just a little cough. I'll be fine. I can—" 

"No, Maya," Carina interrupted firmly but lovingly, pressing her hand lightly against Maya’s shoulder to keep her from moving too much. "You need to listen to the doctors. You need to take care of yourself." 

Now that Teddy had mentioned it, the heat radiating from her was obvious. Carina leaned over to grab the thermometer which sat on the small nurses' station by Maya’s IV and gently inserted it into her ear, ignoring her fussing and protests. 

“38.6.” The screen flashed and Carina stuck out her lip, “That’s really not good Mai, were you seriously working with a fever that high?” 

Maya stubbornly shook her head, a defiant glint in her eyes despite the pain and discomfort. "I didn't even notice, Carina. It's just a little fever. I've worked with worse." 

Carina sighed, her worry mingling with frustration. "Maya, you can't keep pushing yourself like this. It’s not good for you!” 

She took a deep breath to calm herself down. Getting frustrated at her stubbornness wasn’t the right way to go about things. knew how Maya could be around doctors. Hell, she remembered just how frantic her wife could act around them. She was trying her best to keep her calm right now, but it was obvious how fidgety and uncomfortable her wife was getting. Ultimately all she could do now was try to soothe her through it. 

As Maya tried to assert her stubbornness, she suddenly sneezed loudly… twice, trice? She sniffled and bit back a wince, clutching her one useable arm to her ribs. 

Carina offered her a tissue, but she ignored it. Instead, Maya struggled herself to sit up, determination etched across her face despite the pain. "No, really, I can—" Her sentence was cut short as a harsh, grating cough overtook her, making her whole body convulse. The coughing fit seemed to drain what little strength she had left, and she gasped for breath in its aftermath, her chest rising and falling rapidly. 

Carina's heart ached watching her wife suffer, but she maintained a firm, soothing demeanour. She gently rubbed Maya's back, her touch both comforting and insistent. "Shhh, amore, you need to rest. Let the medicine work. Let us help you." 

“I don’t need help-“ Maya tried to stifle the cough, pressing her lips together and clenching her fists, but it only made things worse. She finally let it out, the sound echoing in the room, making Teddy glance over from her charts with a look of sympathy before discreetly taking a few steps back. 

The coughing had caused wave of pain passed over her, she bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears she couldn't hold back. Her breath hitched as she tried to stifle a sob, but it was no use. The combination of pain, fever, and sheer exhaustion finally overwhelmed her. 

"I just hate feeling like this," she whispered, her voice breaking as her face crumbled up, “I hate being weak." 

Carina tried to calm her down, gently murmuring sweet nothings in her native tongue, an action which usually helped to call her nerves. But May was restless. The movement was enough to send a sharp pain through her ribs, making her gasp sharply. The tears flowed more freely now, her body trembling with each painful sob. "But I can't... I have so much to do... I can't just lie here." 

Maya's shoulders slumped, and she let out a shaky breath. The tears spilled over, and she buried her face in Carina's shoulder, her body trembling with a deep, chesty rough followed by an exhausted sob. "I hate this," she cried. "I hate feeling so weak and useless. I’m meant to be their Captain.” 

The OB rubbed her back soothingly, her own eyes misting over with sympathy. "I know, bambina," she murmured. "I know it's hard love. But you are not weak or useless. You are hurt and sick, and you need time to heal. That's all. That does not make you any less of a captain.” 

After a few minutes of just letting her cry it all out, Maya began to slowly calm down. Eventually her sobs gradually subsided into sniffles, her breathing evening out as she clung to Carina. She was beyond exhausted. The two stayed comfortable together for a moment before Carina could feel Maya’s chest rising rapidly. She looked down and recognised the way her face shifted slightly, her eyes blinking as she fought back the itching in her sinuses' 

The OB smiled sweetly, “You want a tissue bambina?” 

“No, I don’t need—” Maya began, but she didn’t get to finish her sentence before Carina cut her off with a chuckle. 

“Your nose is twitching Mai’.” 

"You’re not fooling anyone, amore," She murmured softly. Her wife’s pale face flushed slightly, whether from embarrassment or the fever, “Just let it out.” 

Ever stubborn, the firefighter tried to shake her head once more, but the any denial was pointless when she was sent forward with an exhausting sounding sneeze. With her dominant arm in a sling, and her reaction speed slowed as an effect of the pain medicine, by the time she’d lifted her opposite hand to cover it had been too late, Carina’s baby-pink scrubs were caught in the crossfire. 

“Poor bambina, bless you. Ugh, I knew you were coming down with something when I heard you snoring the other night.” The doctor mumbled sadly as she reached over to grab a tissue from the nearby table, dabbing it gently beneath the blonde’s nose, “I’m sorry. I should’ve said something, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” 

Maya only shook her head, the last of her voice scraping from her throat, “t’s not your fault. I should’ve let someone else go in. I-“ 

Carina shushed her gently, “Rest your voice Mai, you need to give your poor throat a break,” She turned to Dr. Altman - who had been finishing up Maya’s paperwork and chart - and gave her a grateful nod, “Thank you Teddy for treating her.” 

Teddy gave her a comforting smile, “I’ve told you already before that your family is my family, Carina. She’s okay to go home once that drip’s finished up. I’ll have an intern bring the discharge papers down in a few hours.” 

The Italian nodded, flashing her an appreciative smile. She mouthed another thank you as Dr. Altman left, closing the door behind her. The two were left alone in the room, Maya’s raspy breathing and damp sniffles the only audible sound. Carina leaned down to press a soft kiss to her messy hair, “Do you want me to plait it for you?” She asked quietly, knowing it would make her feel a little better. 

“Are you sure? I can’t smell but it probably smells of smoke.” The firefighter mumbled, sniffling thickly. 

The OB gave her another kiss, “You know I don’t care about that, are you able to sit forward for me a little bit bambina?”  

Her fingers gently combed through Maya's hair, soothing the tangles with careful, practiced movements. She reached for the small pink bobble on wrist, lifting a section of Maya's hair to start the plait 

As she carefully started weaving the strands into a neat braid, Maya’s nose twitched again, and she turned her head slightly, preparing for the inevitable sneeze. Carina, noticing the movement, quickly grabbed a tissue and held it gently to Maya's nose just in time. 

The sneeze was forceful, and Maya winced at the pain it caused her ribs. Carina kept the tissue in place, wiping away the moisture with a tender touch. 

“Bless you, bella,” Carina murmured, her tone full of affection. She discarded the tissue and continued braiding Maya's hair, her movements slow and deliberate. 

“I’m sorry,” Maya mumbled, turning slightly to look over her shoulder. 

Carina shook her head, a smile playing on her lips. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Maya. You’re sick, and you’re allowed to be taken care of. You always look after me, sì? Let me do the same for you.” 

It didnt take long for her to finish the rest of her braid and it sat neat and tidy by Maya’s ear, safety out of the way. A much better alternative than her previous mess of tangles. She knew she couldn’t take away the pain and sickness entirely but anything to ease the discomfort she would do. 

Her face lit up as an idea popped into her head, “Do you want me to go get you a drink?” Carina asked kindly, she knew Maya probably hadn’t had time hence her dehydration, “I can run and get you one of those sports drinks you like. The ones with electrolytes?” 

“Can you get me the red berry one?”  

“Of course I can, stay put bella. I’ll be 5 minutes.” The doctor smiled, gently scooting from her place beside Maya, helping her settle back down before leaving the room. Her office wasn’t far away so she knew it wouldn’t take long. 

She had a small fridge in there. One which her kept not only her emergency comfort food in but one she kept a small stock of Maya’s favourite drinks in. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen her wife dehydrated and she always liked to be able to have something on hand. 

After walking swiftly to her office, she made a delighted noise of success when she realised, she did in-fact have the berry flavour that Maya had originally wanted.  

Carina grabbed the chilled bottle, feeling a sense of satisfaction at being able to provide exactly what Maya needed. She knew how much the little things mattered. Maya wasn’t sick often but whenever she was the brunette knew that all the small little acts of kindness was what would made her feel better. 

When she got back to the room, she honestly had expected Maya to have been asleep - the fever reducer Teddy had given her was one that always made patients tired - but her eyes widened as she came back to see her wife straining herself, attempting to stretch over to reach the box of tissues sat on the nearby table. 

“Hey, hey, careful, silly girl.” Carina sighed, coming back to her side 

“I just needed-“ A deep cough interrupted her as Maya failed to reach out for the tissue box, but it was out of her reach with her only useable hand still connected and she gave a defeated sniffle in response, rubbing her knuckles beneath her nose instead. 

Carina shook her head fondly and gave a gentle pout as she picked up the box and set it on Maya’s lap. She swiped a few before the blonde had the chance and held them up to her nose. 

“Blow bella.” 

The firefighter gave her a look and she could see the red flush of embarrassment creeping up her cheeks, “Maya there is nobody else here. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, just let me take care of you for once” Carina murmured in soft reassurance, “You’re safe.” 

Whether it was her little speech, or the fact Maya was simply too sleepy from her medicine to care anymore but she did end up blowing her nose whilst Carina kindly held the tissues for her, carefully cleaning up her face afterwards before pressing a soft kiss to her warm forehead. It did feel a little cooler than earlier now. 

“Good job bambina. That wasn’t too hard, no?” The OB whispered fondly, her hand coming to soothingly massage the blonde’s scalp in just the way she knew always made Maya sleepy. As Maya yawned, Carina remembered the drink she had originally come to collect. She handed it to her, making sure to open the small cap first. 

“Here my love, drink this for me and then you can a sleep, okay?” She murmured, a small grin playing on the lips when the blonde budged up to make room for her on the bed, “Just a few hours and then we’ll get you home as soon as your IV has finished, okay?” 

“Just a few hours?” 

“Yes bambina, just a few hours andthen we’ll get you home and back to bed, okay?” 

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[upat4amwiththemoon]

Could I please have an imagine where the reader moves to Seattle. She starts out as a pediatrician at grey loan. Around this time she realizes she's pregnant. With Carina DeLuca as her ob-gyn and coworker the two fall for each other. Carina did not expect to fall for a pregnant woman but realized she knows what she wants. So she asks you out and you say yes around the time you are halfway through the pregnancy. by the end of the pregnancy, it becomes clear you much you and your baby mean to her. When you go into labor she freaks out and comments that “My girlfriend is having our baby!” (you hear her say that but say nothing due to the pain). When the baby is born she is in awe of the tiny human but kinda keeps to the side for a few minutes until you say “come meet OUR son.” Carina tries to apologize for calling him hers but the reader says that Carina is his mother too. Just like a cute family thing please?

Our baby

Summary: The world is full of unconventional families.

Pairing: Carina Deluca x female!reader

Warnings: i have no real knowledge of pregnancy or other medical things, cursing

Word count: 2944

a/n: Carina Deluca please give me a chance🙏🏻

masterlists | guidelines

Arizona Robbins shows Y/N around the hospital, introducing her to the kids staying there for a longer period of time and some of the other doctors there. She just moved to Seattle and decided to continue working as a pediatrician at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, having heard a lot of good about it.

“All the kids already love you.” Arizona gushes, excited to have a new coworker. “I think you’ll be just fine.”

Y/N laughs. “That’s great to hear, I was really nervous to relocate here, you all seem so close.” She smiles, having seen how the doctors interact with each other.

“We are! We have gone through a lot together, so, we’ve gotten close. But don’t worry, you’ll fit right in. Doctor Deluca!” She stops another doctor. “This is Doctor Y/N Y/L/N, new to PEDS. And this is Doctor Carina Deluca, our OB-GYN.”

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N gives her hand out to shake, which Carina does.

“Nice to meet you too.” Carina looks at her up and down. “You’re not from here?”

“No, I moved from Boston.”

“That’s a long way.” Arizona comments. “I’m guessing the reason wasn’t just change of scenery?” Shaking her head, Y/N smiles. “I’ll learn about that later, I’m sure.”

“Sure thing.” Y/N laughs.

Carina glances at her pager. “Well, I’ll see you two later. I have a baby to deliver.” She gives them one last smile before walking away.

“Well, lets start the real work then. You’ll shadow me for a couple of days, so you learn where everything is and so on.” Arizona starts walking again, Y/N following right behind her. “I know you’re not a beginner, but you can still ask me anything you’d like.”

“Thank you, Dr Robbins. It’ll be a pleasure working alongside you.”

“Oh, please, call me Arizona.”

After a week of great work shifts, Y/N has started getting nauseous out of nowhere, especially in the morning and the middle of her shifts. Although, it’s very unusual for her, she hasn’t paid much attention to it. She has a hectic work after all, it must be the nerves.

Y/N writes down information to the kid’s chart on the tablet. “You’ll be just fine, Jules.” She assures, turning to the parents. “She’ll just get her some medicine and after making sure she reacts to it well, you can go home.”

“Thank you so much, Doctor Y/L/N.” The mother cries out in relief, grabbing Y/N’s hand.

“Of course. A nurse will bring the medication over soon.” She turns to the said nurse. “Make sure Jules doesn’t get any nausea-“ taking in a deep breath, she pauses, feeling increasingly nauseous herself, “or rashes. If everything is fine in thirty minutes, they can leave.”

“Got it, Doctor Y/L/N.” The nurse smiles and grabs the tablet out of Y/N’s hands.

With a nod and a smile, Y/N leaves the room, holding her stomach lightly. The sick feeling in her stomach is getting worse quickly. She walks into the break room to get some water from the fridge.

“Hey, Y/N.” Carina greets as she walks in.

Eyes wide, Y/N coughs, getting some water in her windpipe. “Hi.”

“Everything okay?” Carina laughs.

“Mhm.” Screwing the cap back to the bottle, Y/N grimaces. The water didn’t help the nausea. “Uhm, how are you?” Her voice comes out a bit strained, but she does her best to hide the sickness.

“I’m alright.” She stares at her. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look too good.”

Taking few deep breaths, Y/N nods. She grips her scrubs tightly, as if it would lessen the pain she’s feeling. “Listen, I-“ Suddenly, Y/N runs into the bathroom. She drops down to her knees and starts vomiting.

“You’re definitely not okay.” Carina mumbles as she kneels next to Y/N. She rubs her back with one hand, while the other holds her hair out of the way. “When was your last period?”

Y/N heaves over the toilet, keeping her eyes closed. Vomiting was always difficult for her. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying?” She turns to look at Carina, who can only offer her a hopefully comforting smile.

After the vomiting stops, Carina takes Y/N to a examination room, so she can draw her blood. Now, Y/N is waiting on the bed for Carina to come back. Her mind is a jumbled mess. She isn’t sure what to think.

Carina steps inside the room. Y/N looks up at her expectantly. She sits down to a chair right next to Y/N. “You’re six weeks pregnant.”

“Oh, fuck.” Y/N holds her stomach with a shocked expression.

“Can I ask if this is a wanted pregnancy? Is the father in the picture?”

“Is this a- I don’t, I don’t know.” She gasps, feeling like the air is getting thinner. “The father is the sole reason I left Boston.”

“Okay, hey, I need you to calm down your breathing.” Carina grabs her hand. “Take some deep breaths.”

Y/N breathes in and out, following Carina’s lead. “I’ve always wanted kids.” She starts once her breathing is more stable. “I love them, that’s why I went into PEDS. But alone? I don’t know if I could do that.”

“You still have time to think, but, I think if anyone could do this, it’s you.” Carina rubs rubs the back of her hand with her thumb. “I am here for you every step of the way, whatever you decide to do.”

“Thank you, Carina.” Her voice wobbles a bit. “Are the hormones supposed to be all over the place yet.” She lets out a teary laugh.

“Yes,” Carina stands up. “They are going to be a mess through it all.”

Y/N stands up with a groan. “How fun.” She huffs and put her doctor’s jacket back on. “Well, thank you, Dr Deluca. I suppose I’ll be seeing you a lot.”

“You will, lucky me.” She smiles, opening the door for her. “See you later, Y/N.”

“See ya.” Y/N waves as she walks back into her shift, like nothing happened.

After three weeks, Y/N has her first official appointment with Doctor Deluca. She has made her decision and is ready to confirm it with her OB-GYN. “Ready for your first ultrasound?” Carina sets up the machine while Y/N climbs up to the examination bed.

Nodding, Y/N stares at Carina. “Everything will be okay, right? There’s not going to be anything bad in there.” Carina raises her brows while listening to her ramblings. “I’m totally feeding into the doctor’s are the worst patients stereotype, aren’t I?”

“Hmm, just a little bit. May I?” Carina takes hold of the hem of Y/N’s shirt, lifting it only when she gives her permission to do so. “This is going to be a little cold.” The gel feels chilly against her stomach, which makes her flinch. “Now, I’m going to press this to your abdomen and move it around bit to see everything.” Once the probe presses against her stomach, Carina starts studying the ultrasound image.

The longer she stays quiet, the more worried Y/N gets. She tries to see the screen, but it’s angles just out of her sight. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes!” Y/N lets out a sigh of relief. Turning the screen to face her, Carina shows Y/N where the embryo is. “It is around 22 millimeters long right now, there’s its head and limbs.” She points around the screen. “Its tiny muscles are starting to develop at this tome. Want to see if we can hear the heart?”

“Can we? This early on.”

“We can with a Doppler monitor.” Carina puts the ultrasound machine to the side and cleans the gel from Y/N’s stomach, before putting gel on the probe of the monitor. After that, she presses the head of the probe against Y/N’s abdomen, moving it around to find the right spot. “Can you hear that?”

A quiet, but clear galloping sound can be heard through the monitor. Y/N hums with a nod, biting her lips as she can feel herself get emotional.

“Sounds like a perfectly strong heart.” Carina smiles at the look on Y/N’s face. Even though she has done the same thing multiple times, this feels just a bit more special compared to the other ones. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel…” Y/N sighs deeply. “I don’t even know how to word it. I’m tired and so scared, but I feel amazing. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

There’s a permanent grin on Carina’s face as she listens to Y/N talk. She likes to listen to her talk, even if it’s just nervous rambling.

“Is that normal?”

“To feel like you’re going crazy? Yes, it is, you have nothing to worry about.” She sets her hand on her leg, rubbing it in a comforting manner. The actions makes Y/N’s cheeks warm and stomach flip.

“Thanks.” She breathes out, clearing her throat. “My shift starts in twenty.”

“I’ll let you go get ready then.” Carina wipes any remaining gel off of Y/N’s stomach and pulls her shirt back to normal. “I’l see you around?”

“Yes.” Y/N hops off the bed.

Opening the door, Carina sets her hand on Y/N arm to stop her from walking out. “Will I ever see you outside of the hospital?”

A shy smile grows to her face. “Definitely.”

“Heyy,” Carina lifts her hands up in celebration, “look at that bump! We’re halfway there.” Y/N laughs, closing the exam room door. “Today is a very important ultrasound, are you ready to know the gender of your baby?”

“I am more than ready.” She lays down to the bed, lifting up her shirt and lowering her pants so her stomach is visible.

“What are you hoping for?” Carina sets everything ready for the ultrasound, it all being normal for Y/N now. She puts of the gel as Y/N says she doesn’t have a preference. With a smile, Carina puts the probe to her abdomen and starts moving it around. “Everything is looking good.” She mumbles, trying to find an angle where she could see the baby’s sex. “I can see all ten fingers and ten toes.” Suddenly she starts grinning. “Do you want to know your baby’s gender?”

“Yes.” Her voice comes out quietly. She bites her lip as she stares at Carina.

“It’s a baby boy!”

Y/N laughs, excited to know something about her future baby. She opens her arms when Carina leans down to hug her. “I have to start thinking about names.” She whispers.

Carina pulls away from the hug to put the ultrasound machine away. “Don’t have options yet?” She asks while wiping away the gel.

“No. I’ve been too stressed and tired to think about anything.” She lets out and airy laugh, pulling her clothes back to normal. “But knowing he is alright in there, maybe I can give myself some rest.”

“Please do. Have you felt him kicking yet?” Y/N nods with an excited grin. “May I?” She sets her hand under Y/N’s shirt once she gets her permission. They wait in silence, nothing happening, but after a while, a small kick can be felt. Carina cheers and rubs Y/N’s stomach.

“It still feels so unreal.”

They stare at each other with wide smiles and shiny eyes. The two have been going out for months now, but they still haven’t made anything exactly official, mostly because Y/N is worried about her pregnancy getting in the way of their relationship. But it just feels so right, like it’s meant to be. Every time Carina touches her, whether is for medical or other reasons, Y/N gets such a high from it.

“You know I want this, right?” Carina lets her hand stay on Y/N’s stomach. “I want you and everything that comes with it.”

Y/N bites her lip, setting her hand on top of Carina’s. “You’re sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

“You aren’t going to back down once you realize how insanely the hormones are affecting me? We’re only half way there.”

Rolling her eyes, Carina nods. “I’m not backing down. I want to be there for you, not only as your OB-GYN, but as your partner.”

“Okay. I’d like that.”

“Yeah.” Carina leans closer, waiting for Y/N to say anything against what she’s doing in case she isn’t feeling it, but when she just nods, Carina presses her lips to Y/N’s.

One of Y/N’s hands goes up to Carina’s hair, combing though it. Carina pulls away, but stays close enough to feel each others breaths. “I might start crying unless I leave, like right now.” Y/N whispers, feeling her emotions taking over.

With a chuckle, Carina fully pulls away, giving Y/N some space to stand up. “I’ll see you at your apartment after my shift?”

“Yes.” Kissing Carina’s cheek, Y/N leaves right after.

Humming a song quietly to herself, Y/N is going through the patients’ charts. Her shift is almost at the end, so she likes to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be.

“Bambina.” She smiles at the sound of Carina’s voice, even when it sounds disapproving. “You should be resting.”

“I’m fine, Carina.” Y/N smiles at her, pecking her lips. “Besides, my shift ends any second now.”

“You’re about to give birth any second.” Her brows are raised as she sets her hand on Y/N’s stomach. It’s true, Y/N is a few days over her due date, but she wants to help out as long as she can.

Y/N’s smile somehow widens from the mention of giving birth soon. She’s absolutely terrified, but also so excited to meet her son. “I know,” she grins, “but there still kids that need me.”

“Sometimes you should just stop the day.” Carina states, which makes Y/N furrow her brows. “Make it a day?”

“Call it a day.”

“Yes.”

Y/N laughs, setting the tablet down. “I know, but I’m still feeling gr-“ She gasps, taking hold of her stomach.

Carina goes into worry mode immediately. She takes hold of Y/N. “What? What happened? Are you okay?”

Taking few deep breaths, Y/N looks down at the floor that’s now wet. “My water just broke.” She mumbles. Straight away, Carina goes to grab a wheel chair for her, helping her down to it. Y/N pushes air out of her mouth. “It hurts.”

“Everything will be okay, Y/N. Everything will be okay.” The last sentence is mostly to herself, as Carina is starting to feel terrified by the situation. Her girlfriend is about to give birth right now. “We need an OB!” She shouts as they arrive to the right floor. “She’s about to give birth.”

A group of nurses jog over to them, they bring Y/N to a bed and start getting everything they need ready. “Aren’t you her OB?” One of the nurses asks.

“My girlfriend is having our baby! I can’t deliver him.” She panics.

The nurse nods, paging another OB-GYN to their location. Y/N cries out in pain, not able to pay attention to anything happening around her. The doctor arrives fast and starts doing her thing right away. Carina stays in the room, but in the sidelines, giving them space to work.

“Hey there, Doctor Y/L/N.” The OB smiles, putting on gloves. “This is your first baby, right?” She sets Y/N’s legs to a correct position so she can see everything.

“Yes.” Y/N’s breathing is getting faster from the pain. “Can I start pushing?” She gasp when the pain increases.

“Yes you can.” The OB glances at Carina. “Does Doctor Deluca want to come over here and hold Y/N’s hand?”

Carina snaps out of her panic and drags a chair next to Y/N’s bed. She sits down and grabs Y/N’s hand. “You’re doing so good.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Y/N screams as she pushes. Her grip on Carina’s hand tightens every time the pain gets stronger. “How long is this going to take?” She cries out.

An hour and a half later, the baby’s cries can be finally heard. Y/N slumps down to the bed, laughing and crying in relief. “Can I see him? Can I see my baby?” Her eyes are half closed, finally feeling everything.

A nurse cleans the baby down, before bringing him over to Y/N. She smiles widely as she takes hold of him. “He’s so beautiful.” Y/N whispers, caressing his head gently. She turns to look at Carina, who has moved back to the side. She looks amazed by everything that just happened. “Come meet our son.”

Carina’s eyes widen, she thought Y/N hadn’t heard her. “I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called him mine, he is your son.” She starts apologizing.

“Shut up.” Y/N laughs quietly, stretching her hand towards Carina. “He is our son. You said no backing down, remember?”

Carina’s eyes tear up as she takes Y/N’s hand and sits back down next to her. “Hello, my angioletto.” She whispers, grabbing his extremely small hand with her free hand. Looking at Y/N, she mover her hand to rub her cheek. “You did such a good job, bella.”

Y/N smiles, kissing her palm. “We have a son.”

“We have a son.” Carina laughs, looking over her family.

[jenniferjareauwife]

Right Here With You

pairing: carina deluca x fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: depression

word count: 780

summary: you're having a bad day and can't get out of bed so carina comforts you, reassuring you she's there for you

translations: bambina-baby girl, bella-beautiful, mia amata-my love, tesoro-darling, ti amo di più-i love you more

I woke up with an overwhelming weight on my chest. I felt like I couldn't move. "Bambina! You're gonna be late!" I heard my beautiful girlfriend call from the kitchen. I didn't respond, I didn't have the energy, it didn't feel physically possible. "Hey." She barged into the bedroom. "Bella? What's wrong?" Again, I didn't answer. "Hey." Her voice immediately softened once she relished what was going on. "I'm gonna call in sick for you, ok?" She sat down next to me and I just gave her a small nod.

Ten minutes later she was back on the bed, her hand on my shoulder as her thumb softly caressed it. "You ok?"

"Mm."

"So no." She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. "Bambina...what do you need right now?"

"You." I couldn't say anything else, it was too much.

"What do you need from me?" I tensed up, it was too much. It was too much thinking. I couldn't do it right now I just needed her, anything. "It's ok." She moved her hand slowly until it was resting in mine, she laced our fingers together. "I'm gonna hold you." She kissed my temple.

"Hm." I hummed, wanting to tell her how I'm feeling but not being able to get the words out.

"Shh. It's alright bella, I've got you now." My body shook with a silent sob. "I've got you. Let it all out."

"I don't...I can't." I sobbed.

"Shh." She kissed my shoulder gently, rubbing my hand with her thumb. "Just let it out now, yeah? You can talk later." I nodded, squeezing her hand as tight as I could, feeling the hot tears flow down my face.

Ten minutes later I had stopped crying and I had turned around in her arms so that my face could be buried in her chest. "Ready to talk about it now?"

"Mhm."

"What's wrong mia amata?"

"Felt...my chest was heavy." I sniffled, snuggling into her more.

"Anxiety?" I shook my head.

"Just sad."

"Ah. I get it." She brought her hand to the back of my head, gently massaging my scalp to calm me down.

"I can't...don't feel like I can do anything today, you know? I don't feel good...don't feel good at all and I just need..."

"Comfort?"

"Mhm."

"Well I can give you that bella."

"I don't understand how you do it."

"Do what?"

"You're so strong. I almost never see you cry. It's like...you cry once a month." I sniffled again. "And you're always able to get out of bed."

"Well we all handle things differently. I definitely cry more than once a month. Probably around 4 times."

"Oh."

"It's ok to have days where you just need to stay in bed bambina. There's nothing wrong with that."

"The world can't stop just because I'm depressed." I could feel her heart sink against my body.

"Anyone who expects you to be functioning at 100% all the time-"

"Carina."

"What is it mia amata?"

"I don't know...I don't think I can feel like this all the time."

"You don't have to."

"But it's been going on so long- I can't do it anymore I don't think I can do it anymore Carina."

"Bambina? Can you take a deep breath for me?" She waited for me to breathe. "That's good. Now listen to me. This isn't going to last forever. You're not going to feel like this forever."

"But what if it does."

"It won't. I promise you."

"How can you promise that?" She sighed.

"Y/n...bella your happiness didn't last forever, correct? So how can you expect this to? Nothing lasts forever. I know it seems longer because it's not enjoyable but it won't be like this all the time." I clutched the back of her shirt, wanting her closer. "I promise you bambina."

"But I'm tired of it."

"I know." She went back to stroking my hair and rubbing my back in circles, knowing how much it soothed me. "But I'll be here with you every step of the way."

"You will?"

"Of course I will tesoro. You're my love. Why would I abandon you when you're feeling like this?" I shrugged and tilted my head up so she could give me a forehead kiss.

"I don't want to drag you down." I mumbled.

"You're not going to."

"But-"

"No more 'buts' bambina. I want to help you, I need you to realize that, ok? I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to be right here with you every step of the way." I nodded, holding her tighter.

"Just don't let go of me, ok?"

"I won't. I promise."

"I love you."

"Ti amo di più."

[somber-sapphic]

Hey! I was wondering if you would be down to do the sicktember (I already know my autocorrect is going to hate this 😂) but day 27 I think. The one with Marina x reader and Carina is sick. If not I totally understand

Taking Care of Her

〖Summary: Carina is sick and not doing a great job at being a patient.〗

〖Word Count: 1.1k〗

〖Pairing: Marina x Reader, Sick Carina〗

〖Notes: I absolutely can! Sorry it took me so long to respond to this one, I wanted to make sure I could have the req with the post. If anyone else has any sicktember prompts they want finished I'll link the post here and you can let me know :)) Apologies for the title, it's late and I cannot think of anything better.〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Carina, there’s no way you’re healthy enough to be here. Let me take you home, please.” You begged, hugging a clipboard to your chest as you watched your very sick girlfriend move about the on-call room. It was a slow day in the ER which left you time to chase her around instead of taking blood and treating patients. It also helped that April wanted Carina to go home as badly as you did. 

She had helped run clinic day with Maya and the rest of the crew of 19 a few days ago and had encountered the nasty flu that was going around. She’d actually been forced to deny one man a flu shot and sent him to the hospital to be evaluated by one of the ER docs. That night, she and Maya came home exhausted, making you regret not taking your day off to help them.

To make it up to them, you’d made them both a fancy bath with salts, candles, and scented candles. While they were relaxing in the bath you attempted to cook and when that failed you put in an order for the Italian place down the street. They had been incredibly thankful but Carina had practically fallen asleep in her plate of pasta, leading to an early night. 

The doctor had the next day off so you and Maya had gotten ready quietly around her and she was still asleep by the time the two of you got back that night. That was the first sign. 

There was evidence that she had gotten up, at least to eat lunch, but the fact that she would even consider sleeping the whole day worried you and your other girlfriend. The two of you let her sleep anyway, both of you hoping silently that she could fight off whatever was trying to take hold with a little extra rest. 

Of course, it didn’t. So here you were, trying to convince Carina that it was in her best interest to let you take her home instead of treating patients. There you were, blocking the exit to the on-call room prepared to shove Carina into a bed if that’s what it took. She had driven you there (a bad idea in hindsight) and you weren't sure how long it would take for Maya to get there to pick you up. 

“Y/n, I have mothers waiting for me preparing to push tiny humans out of their bodies. What they are preparing to go to is far worse than this little cold.” She insisted, bringing it back to the mothers yet again. Throughout the whole argument, she had stood firm that she needed to be fine because her patients were not. 

“Come on Car, you have to know that's a stupid point. What if you get them sick? What if you get the babies sick? Masks are great but they aren’t foolproof, what would happen then?” You challenged, raising an eyebrow at her. The woman’s face went a shade paler, something you didn't realize was possible, and she faltered slightly. 

“But, it's my job. Another doctor won't know them like I do, they won’t be able to…” She trailed off and raised a hand to her forehead, swaying suddenly. You rushed forward and wrapped an arm around her waist, quickly taking almost her complete weight as you sat her down on the bottom bunk of a bed. 

“Sweetheart, you’re sick. Let me take you home. Maya has the day off, we can watch movies and I’ll make you soup and we can get you feeling better. Please. You’re a biohazard.” You knew that last part would make her rethink her position which was exactly why you’d thrown it in. 

Carina dropped her head on your shoulder for a moment giving into the dizziness that you were sure she was feeling. 

“Please. Flu season has been bad, this will only get worse before it gets better.” As a nurse, you had been treating case after case of the flu several of them with severe enough symptoms that they needed to be admitted. You were used to rates going up during the winter but it was worse this year. 

The two of you sat in silence for a few more minutes, you rubbing Carina’s back as she carefully weighed her options. 

“Fine.” She finally said, lifting her head to look at you with glassy brown eyes. “I don't want to get the mothers sick.” You smiled, perfectly happy with that answer. You didn't care why she went home as long as she did. 

“Thank you.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You stepped through the door to your home and were immediately greeted by a very worried-looking EMT. 

“Hey baby, come here.” Maya breathed, reaching out her arms for the shivering brunette bundled up in yours. She broke away from you and drifted toward the firefighter, tears already beginning to form in her eyes. You sighed quietly and pinched the bridge of your nose, wishing that you knew of a way to keep her from crying. She always got weepy when she had a fever and you hated that there was so little that you could do to help. 

“I made a little blanket fort on the couch or we can go lay down in bed, what do you think?” The blonde offered, stepping immediately into the role of caretaker. She was so good at that, even you, a nurse, had trouble with it when it came to the people you loved. For some reason taking care of strangers always came easier. 

“Bed.”

It took the two of you ten minutes to get her settled, she had refused the first three sets of PJs that were offered and wouldn’t lay down until Maya did. Once the blonde was in bed it seemed to signal to Carina that she was allowed to rest and quickly cuddled up against the firefighter. 

You flipped on the TV and handed the remote to your healthy girlfriend so that you could change out of your scrubs and into sweatpants and an oversized band t-shirt. The shirt belonged to Maya, but the two of you frequently swapped clothes, so she didn’t mind. 

“Do you need anything Car? Some tea? A snack? Anything?” You offered, expecting the answer to be no. She shook her head, just as you thought she would, and reached over the EMT to grab the hem of your shirt. 

“Will you lay down with us? Just for a little while?” She croaked, sniffling softly. Her nose was running a little but she didn't seem to notice or care. You smiled and walked around to the other side of the bed so that she could be in the middle. 

Taking care of the doctor would never be an easy feat but you and Maya were more than willing to accept the challenge. Though you both were glad that she had such a strong immune system. That certainly helped. 

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[mayasdeluca]

I know you had to of already answered but can you point me to a post where you’ve said your fave Marina episodes are?

So I had thought I answered this kind of recently but I literally went through 40 pages of my asks tag and it still wasn't there so I'll just answer it again lol

Season 3: 3x05 for obvious reasons, their first meeting has everything and we get Maya back story as well! 3x07 for the lasagna scene because it's perfection...everything about it just makes you fall in love with them and the chemistry is just 😍🔥 3x11 for all the fun vacation scenes and then the panic attack scene at the end...this is when I personally really started falling for them and got obsessed because we got to see them just be together for a whole storyline in an episode and it was everything. Special shoutout to the makeout scene in Maya's office in 3x14 because 🥵 we deserved more of those while Maya was captain!

Season 4: 4x06-4x07 hands down. These are at the top for me. Seeing Maya being so protective and worried about Carina once she finds out what she's doing with Andrew. Leaving her job and first inspection as captain because she was more worried about her girlfriend's well being...seeing her support Carina through her grief and stand by her side and help her in any way possible. It was all so truly beautiful and well done. Honorable mention to 4x08 because the jealousy scenes with Gabriella were fun and the scene at the end of them discussing it was so important for their relationship and well done. 4x14 is also at the top for obvious reasons. We went through a rollercoaster of emotions through it all but we learned so much about Marina and they learned a lot about each other and then the proposal at the end was beautiful. 4x16 the kitchen scene in this episode is one of my all time favorite scenes for them. Just seeing how happy and excited they were to get married and how at peace and safe they are in each other's arms. It's everything. Of course I wish their wedding was more focused on them but still overall a good episode.

Season 5: Honestly the only episode in full I truly enjoyed in Season 5 was 5x07. I thought it was very well done overall (really hoping Leah is getting an episode in Season 7 because her solo eps are so good) and of course all the Marina scenes were perfect. The 'I want to hold a little you scene' is an all time favorite. Some honorable mentions for scenes regarding Marina is the wedding scene in 5x01, the conversation at the end of 5x03, the beginning scene in 5x05, and the last scene in 5x17 (another all time fave).

Season 6: 6x10 was so good and everything was on point from Maya bringing Carina lasagna (while on shift) to then immediately going over to her hotel once finding out she was sick (again on shift) and then taking care of her while respecting her boundaries and both of them expressing their feelings and of course the forehead kiss 🥰 6x13 solely for "Every time I'm near you I just want to let gravity pull me back to you" and "Carina DeLuca will you go on a date with me?" 6x14 because the beginning of them pretending it was a first date, jealous Maya towards Pam, 'you are my conscience,' and of course their first kiss in forever and 'can i take you out again?' 'Maybe. Call me.' Carina being a menace. 🥵 6x15 is an all time favorite for obvious reasons and the last scene is an all time favorite. The bar scenes were great and the shower scene was too but that conversation afterwards was so needed and the hug and Carina burying her face in Maya's chest 😭 it was everything! Also them cuddling in bed like they were...we need that for longer in Season 7 🤞🏻

[angelofverdum]

Station 19 6x13

Ugh. I hate how this show is getting a little better. Enough to make me excited every Thursday.

I hope they wrap up this major camping in the season finale. It's getting annoying. He always has a speech ready to save the day, and I don't care, honestly.

The video that Dixon made was so dumb. Twitter would drag that edit to hell and back.

I knew Eli and Travis was happening. I think everybody knew, they had more chemistry than Andy and Eli.

Vic is a better person than me because I would have broken up with Theo right there in that office. What's wrong with him? Beckett is out. They are investigating his neighborhood. What else does he want?

Carina, Ben, and Miranda were so funny. This is what I mean when I say they need to relax a bit. Yes, the subject was hard, but they were a great comedic trio.

Carina's "Oh" when Ben said Ben Deluca had me dying.

I love that Ben and Miranda didn't give Carina a speech about love or marriage, she just realized by herself that she needs to give Maya another chance and she is ready.

And those scenes between Maya and Carina had me twirling my hair and kicking my feet.

This was so soft and probably scary for her. Carina probably didn't sleep that night looking at her wife. It was so easy to let her in.

I like the space between them because it means Maya is respecting Carina's space. But she could have taken off her watch, the ponytail, her bell? She even slept with her shirt tucked in and probably her boots on too. I know she is in bodyguard mode but c'mon. Not even a blanket?

Then Carina got her defences up and told Maya: thank you, bye. One thing about Carina she is going to walk away from Maya.

But I'm very confused about how time worked in this episode.

Maya was on shift in the last episode, then she left to find Carina at work. So she probably took the day off and wait for Carina to get off shift and that's why she was still in uniform in the morning.

But in the morning, Carina was off shift, and Maya had work again. Ben took a day off in this episode, so it was another day?

I know this show doesn't pay too much attention to this but logistics is what I do for a living so.

Carina is stronger than me cause if she smiles at me like that I'd fold so fast.

"I want you to win me back slowly."

"Carina Deluca, would you go on a date with me?"

This is sick. I love them so much. The way they look at each other 🥺.

I don't know what kind of sacrifice they did in the writer's room but thank you. They are fixing the mess they did last season.

The last scene with Dixon had me thinking about a lot of things:

1. Those pictures are a way to show Maya's growth and to close the plot. Because they totally forgot that Maya was right about them, and Sullivan treated her like she was insane. I don't think Maya is going back.

2. We have never seen Maya driving. I didn't even know she had a car. I've always thought she uses her bike to go to work.

3. I don't care what they show us Maya has a Jeep. But when they go out they take Carina's car, even tho Maya is a better driver.

4. A lot of people still want a false negative for a pregnancy test she took 300 years ago. No, I know doctors are the worst patients, and Carina has been through a lot this season, but she would have noticed that something different with her body. They fix the relationship, and then they could try for a baby again.

5. Bring Back Maya's little backpack. I don't like this new bag.

[she-karev]

A Road to a Happy Ending (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 17 Episode 7

AN: Like all of you I hated the last 18 minutes of the episode we unfortunately know too well. It’s why I decided to fix it right here and now with this short chapter. In my mine his injuries weren’t that serious and he made it out of his first surgery and didn’t need a second one. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think.

Summary: Amber visits Andrew in his room after his surgery and confesses her feelings for him and wanting them to get back together.

Words: 1266

May 3rd, 2020

Amber waits out in the hall of the ICU clasping her hands together anxious about entering Andrew DeLuca’s room. Carina is inside first as the rooms are limited to one visit at a time and Amber gives Carina that chance first knowing how much she loves her brother. Amber goes through what to say to him in her head and wonders where to start this conversation.

Amber hears the doors slide open and she sees Carina exiting the room with tears in her eyes. The Italian OB walks toward Amber with kindness in her eyes.

“You can go in now, try not to jostle him too much, the tube is still in his throat.”

Amber nods leaving Carina out in the hall while she takes her turn. She can see Andrew through the window and the sight breaks her heart. He is laying in bed obviously tired, wearing a hospital gown with an ETT tube down his throat. Seeing him like this has her scared that one wrong move in there will make Altman and Hunt’s work vanish and she will lose him.

But she reminds herself that isn’t the case and it’s her anxiety trying to take control of the joy she feels from this miracle and pushes through it. Amber inhales before sliding the door open and quickly closing it behind her.

Andrew opens his eyes and his shock is evident from his groggy eyes widening slightly at seeing Amber in the room. He wonders if this is a dream of his but her voice tells him it’s not as he knows the timber of her vocals too well.

“Hi don’t try to talk.” Amber sits at the edge of the bed next to his leg and he can see her eyes glistening with tears that makes him want to wipe them away but he feels too weak to move his arms up, “I’m just…I’m just so happy you’re okay.”

Amber carefully moves around the tube so she can lie down by Andrew’s side. She has her head against his chest listening to his heart beating against it so she can be sure he’s alive and well. She is careful not to touch the tube as her hand clings to his left shoulder with her delicate nails pressing lightly afraid he will slip through her fingers.

He welcomes the hug and being near her enough to recognize the fragrant fruity body mist she wears at work. Although his body feels sluggish, he is strong enough to lift his left hand and hold her forearm that is draped across his chest.

He lightly squeezes her to make certain she is real and when he does he closes his eyes and enjoys this moment after his surgery. He hears her sniffling and feels drops of wetness on his chest that he deduces are from Amber who has her head against his chest. They hold each other like this for several moments as this moment feels long overdue for both of them. The silence is broken by Amber as she is the only one in the room who can speak for both of them.

“You are the most heroic…idiotic, brave and stupid son of a bitch I have ever met.” DeLuca isn’t offended as he knows it’s coming from Amber being worried sick over him during his surgery, “And you’ve met my brothers, so you know the bar is really high on that category.”

If the tube wasn’t down his throat DeLuca would laugh at another insult towards her aggravating brothers, “This doesn’t mean I forgive you. You were right that day, but you were wrong to treat me the way you did when all I was trying to do was help like I tried to help my mom and brother. You said things and did things that I thought were the worst thing that could ever happen to me.”

Andrew lies still under her feeling useless as he can’t speak another apology due to his condition. However, he tries to remedy this by lightly stroking her arm with his thumb that she welcomes and continues to speak with Andrew hoping this takes a better turn.

“But I was wrong.” Andrew feels relief at this, “The worst thing that happened to me was when I thought you were dead and… you died thinking I hated you.”

Amber’s voice breaks at that last one causing Andrew anguish for putting her through the wringer once again. He doesn’t regret following Opal but he regrets not listening to Carina and getting stabbed in the process. He regrets getting himself hurt and worrying the people who love him, the people he loves so much it would hurt him to see them vanish into the operating room as well.

“I thought I did you know, I thought I hated you, but I don’t. I could never hate you; I can be mad at you, and I can scream at the skies because of you but I can never hate you. I don’t think a part of me is capable of letting go of the love I feel for you. It’s like…it’s like it’s always gonna be a part of me.” Andrew squeezes Amber’s forearm as a silent ‘I feel the same’ and he feels her squeezing his shoulder as well sharing the same sentiment.

“It’s why I’ve been such a mess these past 4 hours and 36 minutes. I was afraid the last thing I did to you was walk away after you promised me that things would be different if I gave us another chance. I walked because I needed to think and to know how I feel.” Andrew strokes her arm in comfort understanding where she’s coming from due to her traumatic childhood, “I needed to know if I can try this again…and I can.”

Andrew closes his eyes feeling his heart flutter at this confession that he has been yearning to hear for weeks. He wishes he could kiss her at this moment but holding her and hearing her talk is a close second that he will gladly take as long as it has the woman, he loves by his side again.

Amber sniffles against his chest and feels a stray tear escape and slide down to his hospital gown. She still clings to him understanding now just how precious life is and how you should cherish every good thing in your life while you still can. Amber does this by opening her heart little by little towards the man who made her feel safe to be vulnerable once and hopes he can do it again.

“I don’t know what happens now and it scares me. But what scares me more is living in a world where you’re not around. It’s a world I don’t want to live in. I can’t live in that reality it’s a fact.” Andrew inhales deeply wanting so bad to say something anything at this moment, “So don’t make me got it? Blink once for yes, twice for no and three for I’ll make smart decisions from now on.”

Amber glances up and sees Andrew blink once at her request that is good enough for her. She lays her head back on his chest laying still so as not to jostle the tube. Andrew has his hand on her arm still holding onto her for as long as he can, not wanting to waste this opportunity like he did months ago. They close their eyes and hold each other content and hoping this moment is a road to a happy ending.

[tvseries-writings]

Hard choices, hard life

Carina Deluca x Maya Bishop x reader

TW: depression, suicide attempt, obsessive compulsive disorder, pills

At the very sweet age of fourteen, you were diagnosed with depression, right after Diane, your psychologist at the time, diagnosed you with what you still call your cruel companion, a little disorder that was actually slowly killing you from the inside out until just a few minutes ago. In fact, you have nothing to lose now. In fact, a few Tolep, Zoloft, and Xanax will knock you out in a few moments - very few - if only you have the courage to throw them in your stomach right now.

Even though you have nothing left to lose, there are two people you could never hurt, and the mere thought of hurting them makes you sick. Maya and Carina, damn them, have gotten inside you and torn down your walls like no one else ever could. And now, in the utter desperation that drives you to the "extreme act," you should feel guilty, and yet you don't. Maybe it's the pills, or maybe it's the sense of freedom you're feeling that's clouding all your other thoughts and feelings.

Carina was the first to notice your OCD, only a month into your relationship. Although you never tried to hide it from either of your girls, there were rituals that they never had a chance to see, such as touching the faucet knob three times before you could open it, checking three times to make sure that all the car doors were closed, or putting on your seat belt three times before you were sure that you had finally buckled it properly and that this would not result in a potential and very likely fatal accident involving your two girls. In short, Carina had discovered all of this by carefully observing your habits, and after discussing it with Maya, the two of them had confronted you. That evening was anything but pleasant.

As for the depression, they noticed it over time, with the bad days and the dull eyes that worried them so much that they practically forced you to go to weekly sessions with your child psychologist, Diane, who of course immediately put you back on medication on the advice of a psychiatrist Carina knew. In the early days, whenever you were down, it was hard for me to leave you alone, and even though they tried to hide it, you always noticed. Always. It was only after a year and a few months that her fear began to subside. When you think about it, you almost laugh; right now, that fear of a possible impulsive and fatal act on your part would probably be your salvation. Not that you would want that, of course. Or maybe...no, you don't want to be saved. You have hit rock bottom; the decision is already made and the plan is already in place.

Most likely, Carina will be the one to find you, right? She is the first to return to your apartment after work, to the small but comfortable apartment you have been calling home for more than four years—to that little place of paradise where all problems disappear, or at least, they seem to. But, as it turns out, they never completely disappear; otherwise, you would not be in this situation. You close your eyes and lean your head against the bathroom wall; the cold marble tiles send a chill up your spine as you stare at what you clutch in your right hand—a handful of pills that you have been preparing for months now. Many people say suicide is an impulsive act, but for a person with OCD? Nothing is impulsive, not even suicide. Everything is meticulously calculated and planned. You have been planning this day for months—at least three, if I am not mistaken. Of course, it's always three. After all, multiples of three are your favorites, aren't they?

Throughout your life, you have had to make hard choices, but this is by far the most selfish. You are aware of it; you know that Maya and Carina will suffer as they never have; you know it because if either of them died in any way, especially in this way, you would never, ever be able to go on living with such emptiness inside.

A trembling breath escapes your lips; you cannot back out, not now, not when you are so close to the goal. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to them and the burden you are to the world. It sounds self-centered on your part but you don't give a shit anymore. You're tired of thinking about others, how they're going to feel, what you have to say to keep them from feeling bad...you're tired, of everything. You thought you could live for them but you were wrong. But maybe, if you really have to be honest with yourself you probably never wanted to go all the way. After all, a person who does not want to be saved is very difficult to help. When therapy doesn't work, you change, but you didn't say anything; you kept smiling again and again until, today, in the last three months, you let the rock you had tied to your ankle drag you to the bottom. It is no one's fault but your own. You're more than aware of it but it's so hard to keep going, it's so fucking hard that you get sick to your stomach just thinking that, in case you don't take these damn pills tonight, you'll be forced to face the world out there once again. No, you can't do it, you can't. Yet, Carina's look at Andrew's death and the Italian's despair and Maya's heartbroken look and her self-destruction after Dean's death...No! You can't think and you don't have to think about them, about the pain you will cause them and from which they can never move on. You can already see Maya, her head in her hands, sitting on the couch on which so many nights you have spent together, blaming herself for not seeing the signs, for not noticing your clouds; you can already see Carina's tears and hear her screams muffled by the sound of the siren of the truck of the 19’s Station.

A small and elusive tear slips down your cheek, sliding down your chin before falling on the letter you hold in your left hand. The usual "it's not your fault, you have to move on, I love you" letter You're such a hypocrite; you're fucking disgusting. If only you could swallow those pills without thinking about the two of them.

The sound of your phone ringing echoes through the bathroom, startling you so much that the pills you were holding tightly in your hand scatter on the floor.

You pick up the pills, letting your phone ring. Again and again, until, finally, it stops and goes to voicemail.

 

"Hey Bambina, I forgot my keys. I know, I know, you and Maya are always telling me that if it wasn't because I have it attached, I'd be able to lose my mind too, but can you do me a favor? Leave the keys on the door because I'm parking right now and I don't want to ring the doorbell or Max will glare and the neighbors will complain."

A small laugh escapes the Italian's lips as she greets you with an "I love you." God, how you love that laugh.

And, just as Max has heard the voice of his favorite mistress, he joins you in the bathroom and starts sniffing the pills on the floor. You open your eyes wide, awakening from your trance-like state, and shoo him away ungently before quickly picking up all the pills. You hold them in your hand, clutching them as if they were the most important thing in the world, and hide them in your pants pocket.

 

Panic grips your chest as you realize that all your plans are blown and you will now have to start over. You mentally repeat to yourself if you have performed all your rituals: if you have touched the doorknob three times, given Max the kibble by placing it three at a time in the bowl before putting it down, washed your hands for twelve seconds three times after eating, you have done nothing wrong, yet fate has screwed you over, so you must have done something wrong; there is no other way, not for your brain at least. After all, it's hard to reason rationally with OCD.

You don't even realize that you have opened the front door for Carina as you feel that, slowly, your panic attack is taking you deeper. It's one you haven't had in a long time. Your heart almost seems to explode in your chest. You put your hand on it, feeling the force with which it beats against your rib cage. You're so focused on the simple act of breathing that you don't notice Max scratching at your leg to try to get your attention, nor the door opening. Carina enters the apartment, and the smile on her face quickly fades as she sees Max whimper against your leg and your chest rise and fall all too quickly.

Carina lets her bag slide to the ground before letting herself fall to her knees in front of you. Her eyes scrutinize you with concern, trying to figure out how long you have been in this state or whether you hurt yourself unconsciously during the panic attack.

 

"Bambina, look at me." Carina takes your face in her hands, stroking your cheeks gently. "Hey, hey, eyes on me. You need to breathe, okay? Breathe love."

You feel the warmth of her hands on your cheeks, but although you see her lips moving, you don't actually feel anything. The only sound you can hear is that of your heart practically exploding.

You pull away from his touch, and your breathing becomes even faster. His voice comes muffled to your ears.

"No, no, no, hey, hey, eyes on me. Y/n...love, you need to breathe. It's okay; I'm here with you; you're not alone. Bambina breathe."

 

The urgency in Carina's voice makes you barely look up, but your panic attack doesn't stop; in fact, it keeps getting worse. Carina runs a hand through her hair, thinking about what to do and coming up with the only possible solution.

"I'm going to pick you up now, okay? I'm sorry, Bambina, but I have to; it's for your own good."

The doctor takes you in her arms despite your protests, carries you into the bathroom, and puts you in the shower before opening the cold jet by entering with you and holding you tightly in her arms so you don't fall out.

 

The cold jet hits you with the same brutality as that of a high-speed train. You gasp, trying to pull away, but Carina won't let you. She holds you close to her as you come completely out of your panic attack—not until about fifteen minutes under the cold jet, though.

"Here they are, the eyes I love so much," Carina whispers softly against your temple, leaving you a kiss and then covering you with a towel, trying to get you dry as quickly as possible. You let Carina undress you, put on clean, dry clothes, and then begin drying your hair with such a gentle amount of gentleness that it almost makes you cry.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watch the bathroom, thinking about how that night should have been different, especially for your girls. Your eyes widen when you see the letter you carelessly abandoned on the bathroom floor, reminding you that Carina might very well read the letter if she only noticed it. That simple and seemingly innocuous thought almost gives you another panic attack.

You jerk up, not thinking straight, not thinking that this strange behavior of yours will draw Carina's attention to you any more than it already did with your panic attack. You bend down, under the confused gaze of the Italian doctor, and pick up the letter, then flush it down the toilet. Your hands tremble as you do so, and Carina notices.

The doctor picks up your wet clothes from the floor and is about to throw them into the dirty, striped laundry basket that Maya was so insistent that you keep in the bathroom, but she does not. Her fingers graze a small bulge in the right pocket of your shorts. The Italian frowns, not recognizing, through her density, the thing to which that small bump is due. So she just sticks her hand in the pocket, and you are far too devolved and paranoid about the letter to notice what she is doing; in fact, you don't even try to stop her. When Carina pulls her hand out of her pocket, your heart leaps and almost seems to stop. The cold water has succeeded in bringing you out of your panic attack but has failed to completely dissolve the pills, much to your misfortune. Carina holds that shapeless, disgusting slop in her hands; it takes her a few seconds to realize it's pills. And though she wants to deny it to herself, it takes her even less time to realize what you were about to do.

 

 

"Please tell me this is not what I think. Please y/n."

You don't have the courage to answer her; who would have any? You feel so stupid right now. Carina starts sobbing, sitting on the floor. You lean your back against the wall and shake your head over and over again, clutching your hair in the fingers of your left hand as if to convince yourself that this is not real. When you do not answer, Carina gets her answer; silence is tacit consent, and you both know this very well.

You kneel in front of your girlfriend; you take her hands in yours, gently stroking her knuckles.

"Car, car, look at me. It's okay, I'm here.”

She shakes her head, reaching out to you and holding you in her arms. As she traps you in her grip, she cannot control the sobs that shake her body.

"I'm so sorry I didn't notice; I'm so sorry, my love..."

"Car, don't say that, please. It's not your fault or Maya's fault; everything is just too much sometimes, often, almost always. And I love you so much, but I can't take it. I don't see any other solution, Carina."

Your voice breaks as you say this; as bad as it is to admit, you feel relieved. You have felt this thought oppressing your chest for so long, and now that you have revealed it, you finally feel free of the unbearable boulder you have been forced to bear for months.

 

Carina remains silent, merely holding you tightly to her and stroking your hair. She hides her face in the space between your shoulder and jaw, inhaling deeply of your scent. The Italian trembles only at the thought that she could no longer have snuggled into your warm embrace if you had done what you intended to do more than an hour ago. With a shuddering breath and without letting go of you, Carina slips her own phone out of the pocket of the tight-fitting Levis jeans that you and Maya both approved of after an intense staring session focused on the beautiful backside of your beloved girlfriend.

 

"Y/n, I know you'd like to do that, but we can't pretend it's not happening. I'd be safer getting you  admitted."Carina freezes when she feels your body stiffen in her arms and your breathing become shorter. "But I don't want you to do anything that doesn't make you feel comfortable, so this is completely your decision. Of course, if you're going to stay at home, we'll have to set some rules here."

Carina whispers in your ear, pulling away just enough to look into your eyes and brush a strand of unruly hair away from your face.

"Whatever you choose, we both know that Maya must be aware of everything you are feeling and happening to you; she better than anyone can understand what you are feeling, Bambina."

 

Carina watches you carefully, and when you open your mouth to protest and to tell her that you don't want to give them any additional weight and that Maya already has a lot to do with her role at the station, she stops you immediately, shaking her head firmly.

"No, this will not be questioned. I will call her now and tell her to go home because we need her. Our jobs are not more important than yours; don't ever think that."

The doctor leaves a kiss on your temple before getting up and leaving the bathroom to make the call. She doesn't close the door; the terror and knot in her stomach she feels at even the thought of leaving you alone won't let her. She is terrified that your mind will get the better of you, especially after today, after a few moments when you were about to commit madness.

The phone call is brief and coincidental; Carina doesn't say too much, just talking about the panic attack. She doesn't want Maya to drive home with the same fear she is feeling right now. As soon as the call ends and Maya assures you of her return to your apartment in less than a quarter of an hour, Carina's arms encircle your sides again, and your embrace squeezes you just as it did moments before. She definitely has no intention of letting you go.

 

A little sneeze on your part makes you both gasp and realize that your hair is still partially wet. Although you insist on drying it yourself, Carina won't let you; she is more than happy to do it for you, and right now she needs to be with you as long as possible. Before you know it, Max is waving goodbye to his favorite mistress as well as his lieutenant.

 

"Hi, boy, where are your moms?" Maya smiles, patting the small German shepherd puppy on the head before heading toward the only lit room. The sight that greets Maya as soon as she enters your bedroom is what makes her dream at night: Carina with her arms around your hips, holding you close, wearing only a white shirt and black lace underwear, spooning you from behind.

"Hey, I'm home. What happened, baby?"

You feel the mattress lower as soon as Maya sits down on it. The blonde firefighter strokes your arm gently and smiles at you. She is worried about you but tries to hide it as best as she can. Of course, both you and Carina notice; the blonde cannot hide anything from you after all these years.

You remain silent, avoiding answering that very difficult question. You are actually very tired and ashamed, not daring to look up and look at one of the loves of your life as you confess to her that missed act.

Carina leaves you a kiss on the temple before leaving her grip on you, though with great effort. You watch her get out of bed and drag Maya out of the room, knocking on the door.

When the light fails so much that you can't even draw the contours of the candlestick over your head, you release the breath you've held up until that moment. You're sorry; you're embarrassed, of course, but not for the reason that your girls might think... no, don't be ashamed to have tried and to want to try; I hate you for not having succeeded. You are so angry with yourself; you are more than aware of the fact that that feeling of freedom you experienced before will never return, not with the burden that now oppresses your chest for the bitterness of being discovered and of not having completed what should have been done instead.

 

 

Silent tears dig your zigoms before ending up on the sides of the pillow; bed covers rise and fall at the same time as your chest. For a moment, just for a moment, you close your eyes and tell yourself that all this has never happened, that Carina has not found the pills, and that you have succeeded in your attempt to eliminate yourself once for all from the face of the planet. But when the light that returns to embrace the room and the light of the door that is again opened make you open your eyes, the dream disappears in the same way that an oasis in the desert turns out to be only a hallucination, nothing more.

You're watching Maya. Her eyes are glossy, her lips are rosy, and she can't stand still, moving her weight from one foot to the other. Carina returns to the same position in which you were before the arrival of the other girl and as soon as she does it, the relief of the Italian being close again and of your warm skin in contact with her makes her relax immediately. It feels like the moment she left the room, she stopped breathing, and now, finally, she can do it again.

 

 

Maya lies in front of you, leans her forehead against yours, and gently caresses your face.

"I would like to take away the feeling of emptiness that you are feeling right now," her whispering words resonate in the room as you are wrapped in the heat emanating from both their bodies. "I wish to be able to do so because I know this burden my love, and it is not something I would ever want to see in you, in either of you two."

Some tears tear her cheeks, but Maya dries them quickly, not because she doesn't want to be weak but because she is well aware that you need all her support right now. She'll cry later, when your eyes are closed in a sweet sleep, and she'll be sure you're still here, with her, with them.

 

 

“I don’t want you to pursue the clouds like I did y/n; clouds can seem beautiful, sweet, and soft, but remember that it’s clouds that carry the stormy, my love, and we can’t lose our sun because I’m afraid that clouds would swallow us up without your light.”

The firefighter caresses your face with the same care and delicacy with which someone handle a brush on a candid white canvas.

Carina is just clinging to you; the knot in her throat prevents her from speaking, but even if you don't have the strength to tell him right now, the confidence that his arms around you give you is more than enough.

A long-held whimper shakes your chest, and your girls tighten you a little stronger, anchoring you to reality and not letting you escape and fly into your shady and irrational mind. You let go to a freeing cry, to whispers and weeping that, though necessary, break the hearts of your soulmates. And they let you blow up; they hold you back; they whisper sweet words followed by small, delicate kisses in your hair, cuddling you like you were a baby in a belt that's desperate as soon as she's born.

It takes more than ten minutes before you can calm down. Carina massages your back, softening the pain of the continuous whispers that have shaken your bones as Maya keeps kissing away your tears.

 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don’t think I can do it without  help it’s all too much." You take a break; everything you’re saying is hard to deal with, but say it out loud. Well, that’s a whole other story. “Rituals are killing me; I’m not doing anything without thinking that something might go wrong, that you two might die because I am wrong about some stupid passage of the fucking and-”

"Hey, hey, it's all right. It's going to be all right; we'll be here at every step, Bella. We don't leave you alone; you're not alone, and you'll never be. We won't let you think of reaching the clouds again, okay? Never again,  baby."“Your pain is our pain; your suffering is our suffering, until the end." Carina strings you even more, extending her hand towards Maya to tell her to do the same, and there, in their arms, it seems to you that you are away from all the problems of the world. You just feel like a number in an infinity of numbers; you feel like a thread in a lawn and there's something incredibly reassuring about being just a thread, because a thread is not responsible for all the evils in the world. (Cit. ZeroCalcare)

Thank you for reading! Was it hard to write? Yes, but it is also extremely liberating. I hope it will help some of you. Ah, and of course, have a great day!

P.s: sorry, it’s a very long fic

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