What didn't help my whole subconsciously-missionary-minded, silent-echoes-of-Mormonism socialism illusion, which made me think it would be selfish and wrong to demand my own liberation, was the misapplication of standpoint epistemology - put simply, when "identity politics" goes bad.
Putting the rest under a cut, because this is a long post.
While it's crude and ultimately incorrect to only say, for example, "Listen to Black voices", without emphasizing the critical thinking skills and empathy necessary to listen to Cornel West, and dismiss Candace Owens for the right-wing corporate hack that she is, what is for certain is that someone like me, a 100% white American settler of Mormon pioneer stock (on one side of my family, anyway), and with no formal education on the subject matter, doesn't have authority to speak on the experience of Black people in America. I have no argument against that, because it's true.
Continuing further, just because, in spite of the fact neither racism nor colonialism oppresses me, capitalism still does, this doesn't mean I have as much authority to speak on it as a Black member of the working class does, as anti-Black racism and capitalism compound on and depend on each other, making the lives of Black working class people more difficult than the lives of white working class people. Doesn't mean I can't speak on capitalism, just means I'm not the leading voice.
That being said - I'm going to talk as if I'm still a believing Mormon, let alone Christian, in this and the next paragraph, to better explain the subconscious workings of my mind, due to their brainwashing - the difference in our positions can be wrongly perceived, especially by someone raised in the illusory colonial missionary mindset, similar to the position of those with "the gospel" and those "of the world", where those with "the truth" have more, but are, like all, oppressed by "sin", yet at least believe themselves to have the knowledge and wherewithal to resist, while those "worldly" people aren't blessed with the wealth of God's Word, nor the solidarity of the church, and are thus further deprived of the perfection God desires for his children than those of His Flock already are, and must be ministered to, brought into the Fold, and Saved from On High.
Yet there must ever be a humility to such actions, there must ever be self-denial, for all are imperfect, even those in the church, as, just as Christ shed His blood, and allowed His flesh to be pierced, even to His death, in limitless sacrifice for the sins of all of the Children of Men, that they may be redeemed, so have countless socialist, communist, and anarchist revolutionaries died for the cause, and yet all who live, who do not seclude themselves from the world and its markets, facilitate the continued exploitation and robbery of each other by the capitalist class. All are imperfect, and all would deserve bondage and bloodshed, were it not for the bleeding hearts of the martyrs.
So, you see, even someone who consciously attempts to reject Christianity can still fall victim to its logic, even after abandoning the official doctrine of it, if proper safeguards against the general thought processes of it are not taken. Returning to the original point I've tried to raise, I've fallen for a long time to a Christian-esque stance of personal martyrdom for the sake of "saving others" to the point I believed pursuing my own liberation would be selfish.
I'm mentally ill and neurodivergent to the point that getting myself to even get into the habit of seeking jobs is difficult, much more so landing myself an interview; and getting an offer of employment? Only happened once, at the end of my first interview. As you predicted, the job sucked, they were desperate to hire me because it sucks, and it wasn't 3 months before I quit. I quit in late September of 2018. It's been almost 3 years of me not having a job.
I got my driver's license in mid 2019, but got into a minor parking accident that only broke a headlight on the car I drove, and didn't damage the other car, in September of that year. It was over a year before I drove again, because of the depth of my depression and anxiety over one accident, which cost about $150. Since January of this year, I've driven somewhat regularly, and have some measure of confidence, but am still anxious every time I'm behind the wheel. I could drive to and from a job, if needed, but it would be a while before that would be comfortable.
I still live with my dad, at the age of 23, and barely have any friends where I live anymore; those local friends I still have, I haven't seen face-to-face for a long time. My dad... my dad could die any day, and I would be royally fucked. Something happened earlier this month, and he wasn't healthy before, but this was really serious. He amazingly got away with few symptoms, and can make a full recovery with the right effort, except... it could still happen again, it would just be less likely. If it does, he could die. Again, I would be royally fucked. I don't know how much his treatment cost, but I know it must be a pretty penny. There's only so long I can continue like this.
Due to my dependence and general impotent state, I can't do a goddamn thing for what I believe in right now. I have to fight self-hatred with the argument that if I die, I'll have died useless and unhelpful, when I could potentially have kept living til I got my act together and finally done something helpful before passing.
I have a college degree. Not a "real" degree, in the sense of it mattering, but I have an Associate degree, DTA. No major; I never could figure out what I wanted to do. It would have been a close call between anything in political science, which would have led toward a government job, which would be unacceptable as an anarchist, or perhaps a professorial job, teaching would-be politicians and bureaucrats, hardly educating anyone of revolutionary intent; or something in chemistry, perhaps biochemistry, leading to some kind of colonial agrichem shit, or making expensive medicines nobody would be able to afford for private entities' profits, possibly having research appropriated by Uncle Sam for weapons purposes - I don't know, but none of that was appealing. I graduated community college with Honors, as a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. I could have had promise as some or other kind of technocrat or bureaucrat - but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It seems the less one is exploited, the more they exploit others. I don't know what job I can take that would exploit me enough that I wouldn't hurt others so much, while leaving me alone enough that I wouldn't kill myself, which... which has been a temptation, at times. Not too strong, but it is fucking there. I have promise; at short-term memorization and obedience, at least, like a mongrel dog who can read; but no conviction, no confidence, and a surplus of fear.
There are more woes I can recollect, I can continue this pity party in a book, but enough of that. Suffice it to say, all this time, I should have wanted my own liberation. Colonized people (in an American context, Turtle Island Indigenous and Black) have it worse, LGBT* people have it worse, women have it worse, physically disabled people have it worse, people with greater mental disabilities than my own have it worse, and I can't lead any of their struggles. But I do have the right to demand my own liberation, and I shouldn't convince myself otherwise.
*I don't oppose the use of the other word, except people of my demographic have abused that word so goddamn much, I don't want to type it, myself, let alone say it. It's always tainted when it comes from those who aren't of that community. Please don't think I'm either a radfem or a libfem just because I didn't use that word. I support people identifying with that label in using it.
This post became increasingly personal toward the end. However, I hope my flawed perspective, perhaps unique (read: unrelatable) in some aspects, perhaps explaining, at least in part, some of the fucked-up mental hurdles of white socialist "allies" that we need to get our asses over yesterday, might help - whatever I might have illuminated, and whatever I surely missed. I can understand why someone might want to share and add, share and criticize, or leave this alone with a like, nothing at all, or an unfollow.
Not that I can prevent this from being shared in any way, except by not posting in the first place, but I'm okay with it being shared by other socialists, for whatever it's worth... although I understand the more traction it gets, the more likely I'll get anon hate about being full of myself (deserved, to an extent at least), for being some dumb socialist cuck (not exactly wrong, but rude, and likely from a Nazi, so fuck you), or perhaps from non-Mormon Christians accusing me, someone they'd call a Mormon (which is arguably almost a new ethnicity (not race though) as much as it is a religion) of daring to throw the Christian god and Christianity, in general, under the bus, accusing me of being in league with the devil. So be it.
If you're not a reactionary, nor a liberal, nor somewhere in-between, and you want to share this for some reason or another, you may do so.
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Saturday Morning and Afternoon Session Talks
(Note, I listen to Conference rather than watch it, names are probably butchered.)
Ulysses S. Suarez
We need the help of a faithful and inspired teacher, but we also need to teach
Teach your sons and their sons in the ways of the Lord
We need to raise our families in the Lord
Emerse yourself in Scriptures
How do we put principles in the gospel into the actions of our lives?
Actions speak louder than words
Most of our critical spiritual decisions relate to family. (story of a single divorced mother rearing her children)
Mother should guide her children
God wants us back in his presence
Pros: Encourages closeness within our families and with the lord, Encourages us to consider our actions of faith
Cons: The Family A Proclamation to the World, Seemingly excludes those with a poor connection to their families or who converted without their families or whose families have fallen away
Becky Craven
"Happiness, $15" -> cheap trinkets and souvenirs
We as a church are blessed to know how to find true happiness
Car stuck on train tracks-> conductor pulls on emergency break + whistle -> people are able to escape but car is destroyed -> woman watching claims that conductor didn't even try to stop, didn't try to swerve out of the way.
Keep our wheels on the track no matter what obstacles are in our path
Casualness can lead us from the path
World is laiden with distractions, decieving even the elect
We may drown if we aren't careful.
Actions in the "grey" (the "howevers, buts, and althoughs") = "That council does not apply to me"
"If ye love me, keep my commandments"
Doesn't mean being formal or stuffy, but being appropiate
Be more engaged & careful & modest
For the Strength of the Youth applies to each of us (no matter our age, position, or gender)
We need to seek the guidance of the holy ghost
How can we mark ourselves in the Image of Christ?
The world calls us a "peculiar people" which is a large compliment.
We need to widen the distance between ourselves and our worldly influence
Gift of repentance
When you are worthy to recieve personal revelation, you will be blessed and happy
Pros: Gospel is guide to happiness, Doesn't claim that the only way to happiness is through temple marriage, Discusses what leads us from true happiness
Cons: The analogy to a train is nice but doesn't make sense with the rest of her story and implies that there is only one path to happiness, insinuates that temple marriage is part of the path to true happiness, doesn't offer any solutions to avoiding distraction.
Brook P. Hales
God blesses us according to our desires and to his infite wisdom
Scriptures teach us
Lord carefully leads us even if we can't see the results
Lord prepares ways to overcome obstacles before they can occur (Lost Plates and Nephi)
How can God answer us? ->1. Son recieved coat too small, gave it away to another missionary who had been praying for one because he could not afford it (through other people) 2. Joseph (and his coat od many colors) 's brothers sold him rather than killing him, leading to blessings for Egypt and eventual redemption of their family (through.. better circumstances?) 3. Son not hired for dream job, but would have missed a life changing opportunity had he been hired. (Through denying us our wants for eternal perspective)
Patricia Parkinson -> Began going blind at 7 years old, had to go away to boarding school (very home sick) -> Went fully blind at 15, returned home and went to regular highschool-> Eventually gained success at university and in life -> Had a procedure, but came out saying "I'm going to be blind for the rest of my life, I know it, you know it, God knows it." -> Nephew tells her to ask Heavenly Father because Heavenly father grants all of our wishes -> She explains that HF doesn't give us everything when we want it. -> Hales remarks that she's always positive and happy in public but struggles with herself, her disability, and God in private -> she sees that God's hand is in everything
If we keep our commandments, we are blessed by God, even if its not how we expect or want to be blessed.
Pros: Nice approach on how we can struggle with our faith when God doesn't answer us how we want, Good examples of how God does answer us and why he may answer us like that
Cons: Some Ableism in his story about Patricia, simply claims that God will bless us for following commandments
UCHTDORF!!!!!!
Airplanes take 3 hours between Rome and Jerusalem in the present (would take 40 days to travel that distance in Jesus' time)
Even though the church faces persecution, we continue to grow
Put growth into perspective ( A very small flock indeed)
GERMAN SHEPHERD
In some places, the church is shrinking
We must share the good news of the gospel!
How can we fill that great commision in our daily lives?
Share the gospel with friends and acquaintances
Some go out and declare it boldly, others are more hesitant and hide behind the pew when daily missionary work is mentioned, why?
Lord doesn't require expert efforts, but he does require a willing heart and mind
We can draw close to Heavenly Father, Fill our Hearts wirh love for others, and read our scriptures
By doing this we will become better, happier, more authentic
Pros: It's Uchtdorf, Airplanes mentioned, Even small efforts matter
Cons: Airplanes mentioned only once, Encourages a lot of proselytizing in day to day life, Many members are leaving church or going inactive, Really short talk :(
W. Christopher Weidell
His (nonmember) brother (Mike) had Pancreatic cancer, could see the temple from his hospital bed.
Mike became friends with the priesthood leaders, kept askin hc about the church
Mike joined the church and gained strength
Had no pulse when on day gaining Melchezidek priesthood, has pulse as soon as Weidell enters room, he lives to gain the priesthood, but dies 5 hours later.
It takes remarkable efforts to minister
Don't give up on a "Not Interested"-hearts change
Desire tonhelp others achieve deeper conversion
Serving others
Want others to reach divine potential
Sensitive to trials and struggles
We are encouraged to follow the guidings of the Holy Spirit
Trust the Lord
Focus on what's important
It's never too late, you'll never wander too far from the path
Never too soon to extend an invitation
There is always hope
Pros: Heartwarming story about brother, hope if you are inactive and want to come back, hope if yiy have friends or family who have left the church for various reasons
Cons: Influences those really aggressive ministerers to keep going at it, which can weaken someones already weak bond with the church, ITS REALLY SAD, I CRIED OK?
Henry B. Eyring
United as one is the feeling we want in our homes
Families
No contention due to love for God (4th Nephi)
Symptoms of Spiritual Decline TM - How can we protect and increase feelings of love to combat them
Underlying cause=Satan
Reverse spiritual decline in family and in home
Remember the savior as you remember thine sins
Praying as a family brings you closer together
Family who prays together is together, even when far apart
Offer the gospel to your enemies
Examples of Parents
Worry about Celestial Kingdom and the Family Arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine
Pros: Talks about strengthening family bonds, NOT ABOUT THE PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD!!!, strengthen love for God=strengthen family, FOUND FAMILIES? NON NUCLEAR/TRADITIONAL FAMILIES? ?!?!, All you need is love, Love is all you need
Cons: May encourage abusive/extremist parents to shove gospel down childrens throats to "strengthen family" therefore pushing children away
M. Russel Ballard
Can't control what impacts our life, we can control how it impacts our happiness
Do the best we can each day
Heavenly Father loves you
Love God, Love Neighbors
Find peace and happiness in your life
We minister because we love others
Preform Temple ordinances
Keep it simple
Pros: Don't worry be happy, If you follow the commandments you will find happiness, Keep it simple (KonMarie LDS edition)
Cons: The whole we can control how it impacts our happiness doesn't include neurodivergent people, especially those with depression.
Mathias Held
Found a church (ours) where he felt at home
Personal growth, education, humanitarian efforts, self-reliance
Wanted to know everything about the church before joining
Mosiah 1:18
Confident that Heavenly Father would guide him
Through the power of the Holy Ghost we may know all things
Pros: Short and sweet, lists what attracts people to the church
Cons: May make some people in process of conversion feel left out or like they aren't on track/moving fast enough
Neil Anderson
God has given us a way to learn essential truths
See truths of God through the Eye of Faith
Spirit sons and daughters (AND CHILDREN, ELDER ANDERSON! AND CHILDREN!) lived with and worshipped god
We all knew God's plan for us
Prophets see ahead, not only the dangers, but the privileges and blessings
Faith, patience, and diligence
We are all part of a larger family
God will shine his approval on you
Pros: Its about the Plan of Salvation, Eye of Faith, We are all part of a larger family and should strive to help each other, I like the notion that the prophets are also seeing Good things because the world has been very much the bad place as of late..
Cons: I'm pretty sure this is the one where he mentions his LGBTQIA friend who was all like "we need to abandon the ways of the world and thus I be celibate" so... Slight homophobia maybe? I don't know I didn't write it down but a lot of people are bothered by this
Takashi Wada
Overcome darts of the Adversart
True feasting is an experience of joy and thanksgiving
Feasting on scriptures should build our relationship with God
Hearts filled with Gratitude
1. words of Christ increase spiritual capacity for revelation
2. when we struggle with our identity and self esteem, turn to the scriptures
3. live lives of others through the scriptures
A little boy handed Wada's mother a hymn book even though she coukd have easily accessed it herself, an innocent act of kindness he learned through the church and his parents
Hearts burn within us when we read the scriptures
Ye shall have eternity
Pro: This man??? so Sweet??? Hi I love him?, Very innocent stories, very funny.
Con: There is none. Perfect talk.
David P. Homer
"I'm sorry I didn't bear my testimony today, I love you"
1. Critical moments, multiple voices with competing directions, 2. Vital that we listen to the right one
We often focus on what's convenient
Popular =/= best
Mountain climbers' death zone= Spiritual too much time in bad places
Korihor
Impressions given by the Holy Ghost
Seek God's voice
Be doers of the word, not just hearers
Answers can be slow to come
Heavenly Father makes it possible to hear and follow his commandments.
Pro: His opening quote is really cute, Wow this is a call out talk
Con: You may feel called out if you don't follow commandments
Jeffery R. Holland
Adam and Eve closed door to immortality
Help comes from the Lamp of God
Offer broken heart and contrite spirit
Reduce clamor in our buildings
Be mindful of broken hearts and sad spirits around us
No shortage of suffering in the world
Lift load from those who are burdened
Bring tears to the Lord's Sacrificial Altar
Pros: calls people to acknowledge those who are hurt around us, calls people to stop using church for socialization
Cons: What is a Lamp of God?, How can we focus on broken hearts and contrite spirits without hurting them?
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