#chapter 2 is getting fairly close to done it’s just at the point where i’m like sobbing and crying abt how close and yet how far it is

[spinifera]

why does my fic have only one published chapter how can it have more without me actually having to do anything. please.

[13ghostlytitties]

The Heart of a Hero is returning once more!

Today marks the 5-year anniversary of the premiere of HoaH, and is fairly close to the 3.5 year anniversary of its last official upload. Well, the wait is over. It’s time for me to resurrect this series and eventually bring it to its end (not that it left off anywhere close to ending 😉).

Since it’s been a while, I’ve put together a recap of the story so far that I’ll post at some point here. It’s not complete, I had to cut out some of the newer chapters since it just became a play-by-play synopsis that doubled the total word count, but hey, having to reread 5-10 chapters is better than rereading 150.

The tentative return date will be this time next month as I work on creating a backlog of chapters. If I need to push it back, I’ll let you know. As for other questions I’m sure some of you have, check below the cut. For those who don’t care, see you in a month, hopefully.

So, some questions I’m sure some of you are asking:

1: where have you been? And why did you stop?

I’m not gonna go into details since I’m not that kinda person, but overall, just been living life, dude. I originally began my unexpected hiatus when college was kicking my ass and expected to get right back to things, but some stuff happened, and by the time I had dealt with it, it was Spring of 2020. You can guess what stopped me up then lol. But yeah, things just got away from me and eventually, I didn’t have the time or energy to dedicate to diving headfirst back into this outside of unconnected one-off stuff like those Bang fics. There’s other facets too, of course, the biggest one being a general disinterest in the source material. I stopped reading MHA around the villains arc (though I’ve kept up a bit in terms of big stuff like the traitor reveal), so I lacked that interest to pull me back into this world. Where I left off in the story, in the middle of a complicated arc full of OCs and big fights and stuff, was also a hurdle to getting back into things. But I’m here now, I’m working on my backlog, and I’m gonna commit. If you guys are excited about my return, spread the word and lemme hear it so I can keep this motivation 🤟

2: Is A New Era coming back too?

And now for the other shoe to drop. It is not. Im very sorry, especially to those whose OCs I included, but it’s just not feasible. Every time I considered it or tried it, the whole return to the main story was stopped up with it. Anyone who’s interested in continuing it themselves in some way shape or form, you have my permission in terms of the general idea, the OC kids I came up with, the places that canon characters are in it, etc. As for other people’s OCs, I’d check with their creators. One again, very sorry, but it’s just not doable.

3: What will this return look like? How often are chapters gonna drop?

Still working out the specifics, but my idea for now is to drop 2 chapters a week. If I need to go on hiatus, I’ll announce as much and plan the placement of it much better so that I don’t stop in the middle of an arc. That way, the hiatus will only be a month instead of years lol. The schedule may change over time, but I’ll keep everyone informed as I move ahead with it

4: a lot has happened in the manga and anime and movies since you stopped. Will these things be worked into the series?

Nope. I stopped reading and probably won’t start again until it’s over and done with. More than that, I’ve been sitting on these plans for a couple years now and don’t feel like changing them much. Besides, this story has had a long, rich history of shitting in the soup of the canon story, so I’ll just continue doing my own thing

5: are you still as epic and cool and funny as in the past?

Don’t ask questions you already know the answers to. I never was 😎

[purity-town]

It’s been a very long week with a lot of stuff happening, so I didn’t have the time to finish the next page, but I did finally get ask responses typed up, so the inbox should be all cleared out again!

I haven’t really decided if/how I’ll work in town pets/slimes! They’re fun, though -- I might try to work them into the background in places?

To answer your question about Andrew knowing about King Slime, though- Andrew is very aware of what happened to his brother, and it’s stuck with him as a lesson about how becoming flippant or secure in your power can lead to something as unassuming as a few slimes being able to unexpectedly defeat you.

They relationship wasn’t always the best even back before all that, but they still cared about each other.

(And thank you! I will!)

Firstly: I’m glad to hear it’s gotten you back into your playthrough! I really ought to start a new proper playthrough this summer...I haven’t played a whole much since shimmer got added! And thanks for the kind comment on the backgrounds :) I can’t always put as much detail into them as I want to due to a mixture of time constraints and my general ability as an artist, but I do enjoy making them look nice.

As for the other NPCs: I want to get more NPCs worked in here! I honestly didn’t mean to exclude them, as I meant to add them into the backgrounds of earlier chapters where characters were walking through town or at the tavern. But again, due to time constraints, that didn’t happen, because adding in any additional characters to a scene just ups the complexity a ton. But others will be joining!

…You know what? Yeah, you’re right, hahaha! Spot on. Heather’s view of the situation was that she knows Andrew used to be much more of a traveler before finding himself in Purity Town, and she knows he’s under some sort of strange, magical curse, based on the strange circumstances under which his injuries appear and how difficult they are to heal. Andrew’s also generally quite knowledgeable about Hell and its workings -- putting all of it together, it makes sense that he once either went to Hell himself and was cursed by a demon, or maybe came into contact with a cursed item another adventurer obtained there, or similar (for obvious reasons, going to the Underworld as a living mortal is a big deal -- it’s dangerous, it’s deep -- but it’s not impossible to think someone, somewhere has done it).

Thus, kill the demon → end Andrew’s curse! It’s foolproof! Unfortunately, while it’s a theory that makes sense, it’s not quite so simple in reality.

Hahahaha, I would highly recommend you not think too hard about individual background objects…I try to keep things at least a little consistent, but it’s never perfect. I was mostly intending for Andrew to have just dropped the apple and knife on the cutting board, but then forgot to draw the cutting board. His counter is also rather barren/inconsistent/missing some things it should have. At the end of the day I only have so much time to work on backgrounds, and sometimes detail is lost.

Pshhhhhhhhh, hahahaha, I can’t imagine why! What a crazy coincidence...

1) It’s variable, but in the current day (that is, Terraria has recovered to the point of resurrection being possible) it’s fairly quick. Resurrection is a strange process, with the target’s life flashing before their eyes before they’re suddenly pulled back into a mortal form, and thus it roughly correlates with how long someone has been alive. It would take much longer to resurrect Andrew or the Dryad compared to, say, Becca or Heather.

2) It’s not an exact science, but those who are resurrected tend to appear someplace close to home. Not necessarily in their bed or something to that capacity, but always in the general vicinity. Their body doesn’t physically reappear until just before they reawaken, and it can be a disorienting process.

3) Relief, lots of crying. Resurrection isn’t unheard of, but is usually reserved for those who die a truly wrongful death before their time, local heroes, and Guides. It is never a given that someone will be brought back to life, and is in fact rather uncommon.

Those closely linked to Terraria are well-used to being tugged whichever which way for whatever business. Chris got it to a more extreme extent, with a strong pull and weird dreams, while someone who’s more in-tune to Terraria’s will such as the Dryad will intuitively know and follow.

Andrew didn’t have any particular business. Rather, he was pulled to go there, and when he came, he saw many potential reasons why, including the whole “cult” thing (and the Lunatic Cultist in particular), the local Corruption, particular placement relative to certain structures in the Underworld, and so on. He even went around the region looking for anyone who fit the bill of a hero, best he could tell, but found nothing promising until Chris showed up.

Yep!! At the moment I’m planning to introduce her in the next chapter? We’ll see!

Corruption isn’t uncommon, but there are few regions that are being actively threatened by it: it’s rather stable and reserved in its growth, so beyond encouraging folks not to go to such areas, it’s mostly ignored. Most patches are also relatively small; if anything, it’s a bit larger in the area by Purity Town just because the region is relatively unsettled and has been left unchecked for years and years.

There probably is some

Pre-Cthulhu/War, the Corruption was far more common and spread more aggressively, but there were also hundreds of Dryads who could cure it with a wave of their hand to keep it in check. That isn’t...really an option, anymore, for obvious reasons, but since with most of the ancient spirits locked away the Corruption isn’t nearly as dangerous as it once was, it’s not a world-ending concern by any means.

For why Andrew came to town, see a few asks above!

I’m not sure if I’ll have Chris go through all of the optional boss fights! Maybe in a boss rush montage? Ultimately it’s just a lot of time to dedicate to something, so I would prefer to be selective in what we focus on...maybe in an addition to the ficlets series?

As for your second question -- assuming slimes are able to channel magic/absorb the power of the things they contain, then I like the idea that they can specifically hold/maintain items in them to achieve a particular effect. Such as the Queen Slime with a crystal, and smaller slimes with creatures such as zombies. So perhaps he’s more so merged/been incorporated into King Slime? Very dead, but his abilities remain.

Take that with a grain of salt, though! It’s very late and I haven’t thought it through a whole bunch.

There’s quite a list to go through, including a lot of NPCs that I haven’t thought up a lot of lore for, but to generally summarize, it’s a mix of things! The region containing Purity Town (and a smattering of smaller villages within the different biomes) is relatively new, in the sense that it hasn’t had a significant modern settlement until recently. So most of the locals have moved there to get out of their hometowns, experience something new, and so on!

This is super kind of you to share; I’m super super happy you’re enjoying this comic so much! I’ve said it before, but like -- the whole point of this is me getting excited and having fun with my ideas for NPCs, so it makes me really delighted that other folks are enjoying it too.

I do apologize for being on and off with updates as of late, but I’ve been very busy with school. Good news is that the semester is over in less than a month, and then I’ll be fully free for the summer and can work on things more!

I genuinely am so excited for those two fights in particular. Lunatic Cultist fight will have so much in the way of complex angles and spell effects...I probably wouldn’t be able to make it happen tomorrow, but we’re still quite a ways out from there, so fingers crossed that by the time we get there I’ll have had plenty of practice with all of the other boss fights!

And then the WoF fight...considering how this whole comic started because I wanted to draw my favorite NPC (Guide), if you can imagine, that whole scene has been written and re-written and planned and added on for the entirely of the time I’ve been working on this comic so far, and I can’t wait to finally get to draw it.

We’ll be getting into this more soon enough! But the short of it is that he’s always had a bit of magic to him, got involved with the dungeon cult, fell in too deep, and is now facing the consequences.

As a side note, while checking over the Old Man’s wiki page I noticed that apparently he specifically can’t drown. I’m not sure if that’s intentional or just a consequence of how Terraria is coded, but that alongside the whole ladybug luck mechanic interacting uniquely with the Clothier/Guide is now one of my favorites of the “random trivia facts that have lore implications” collection.

Well, Chris knows that there’s something up with Andrew -- and from his talks with Malik/Heather/Becca last chapter, he knows that Andrew suffers from burns that are in some way strange/inexplicable, supporting the theory that Andrew suffers from some sort of curse. Everything beyond that is…circumstantial at best.

Beyond that, Chris doesn’t want to agree with Malik’s theories that Andrew is some sort of monster -- Chris has put a lot of trust in Andrew’s character since he’s following Andrew’s guidance through all of this, and agreeing with Malik would call that advice into question.

It’s also possible that there’s a fairly benign explanation for Andrew’s current behavior; he’s honestly not acting all that strange right now. All Chris knows is that Andrew left in a hurry earlier, didn’t intend to be out for so long, and didn’t expect Chris to notice, and while coming off the heels of the previous night it’s a little questionable, Chris is more concerned than anything.

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 3: Certain Poly Fic Thoughts

Today was a rest/recovery day, so I didn't get almost anything done. But, that’s okay, I’m not going to feel emotions about that. I needed the rest I took.

So, I’m going to talk about the Poly Fic, just because that’s my happy place at the moment, even though there’s no news about it really. I’m focusing on planning the first part, because if I’m serious about actually writing this thing, that’s the most necessary step. I write in order, so what’s first has to come first. I had a more solid general outline for Part I, and more specific but jumbled ideas for Part II. Part I takes place in college so it’s pretty easy to map out an overarching plot to the structure of semesters and years. Part II has been a place where I dump a lot of ‘wouldn’t it be cool if I included a scene like this’ or ‘hey, I can’t forget to include a scene about this’ ideas, but there is not much sense of cause and effect yet. The problems I’m solving, or rather the type of work I’m doing, for each section is very different.

Going into Part I, I’m concerned both that I don’t have specifics—a sense of HOW I show a certain relationship progression or illustrate a story beat—but I’m also about the pacing. The story starts with Finn/Raven and that’s just… not a great hook to reel people in lol. But I also want to give a sense of the depth and longevity of their relationship, not just start later on and say ‘well they’d been together a long time.’ I’m trying to find a place that properly places later events in the context of their relationship and history, but also isn’t draggy or boring, either for someone to read or for me to write. Although tbh, I’m getting more into them as a couple within the context of this story in particular, so right now it doesn’t seem like a hardship to write their love story. It’s really important to me that there be no villains in this story. There will be immaturity and bad choices and communication issues, if I do it right, but no one being malicious or purposefully hurtful. This is not a fuckboy Finn narrative.

So, I feel really optimistic about that first section that’s just Finn/Raven. I have brainstormed scene ideas, though not an official outline yet. I’m still… unsure about what style I’m going to use; I think a combination of sort of grand-overview montage-like sequences and specific scenes, to give a sort of ‘example’ of what the general narration is talking about. I’m also fairly sure that I’m going to do one school year per chapter, which means that chapter 2 would pick up midway through… but I think dividing updates by years gives a better sense of the passage of time. More recently, I’ve been getting into thinking about Clarke and the Finn/Clarke part of the story, not really into specific scene ideas yet, but more the overview, the relationship development. The challenge here is that Clarke has a certain role to play in the story that isn’t fully IC, and I’m trying to get her as close to her canon characterization as possible while still, you know, moving the plot along and saying what I need to say. It’s hard to tell what is a reasonable interpretation of the character and what is me just really trying to convince myself of something I want to be true. But also… at some point I’ll just say fuck and do whatever I want and whatever the story calls for, because this isn’t a character study so much as it is an attempt to tell a certain story and explain/work through certain personal feelings and opinions.

[chrisbitchtree]

Pinch Me - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 here

Chapter 2 here

Chapter 3 here

***

The next month flies by, and suddenly it’s late June, and Steve feels like he can’t remember a time where Robin and Billy weren’t around. While he certainly wouldn’t call Billy a friend, the ice between them has started to thaw a bit more. They don’t talk about anything deep like Steve and Robin do, but they do chat about shitty customers and how different Indiana summers are from the ones back in California. Steve finds that he actually enjoys talking to him when he’s not acting like a massive prick.

On the last Friday in June, Steve is working the closing shift. It’s been a busy night, as Fridays typically are, and Steve is beyond relieved when it’s finally over. He and the other closers finish cleaning, then he quickly changes in the bathroom. Robin is supposed to meet him in the parking lot so they can head to a party at the house of some girl that Robin went to school with, Heather. Steve kind of knows her from the country club and he feels awkward about going, but Robin insists it’ll be fine.

He locks up and heads to the back parking lot. There’s no sign of Robin, until he spots her standing next to a car at the very back of the lot, talking to the driver. As Steve gets closer, he realizes it’s Billy in his signature blue Camaro. That’s weird, Billy was done at 8, and it’s after 10 now. Robin turns and spots him, and she wobbles on her platform sneakers as she waves him over. Looks like someone started drinking without him.

“Steve!” she says, waving him over. “Look! It’s Billy! I found him hiding here! He looks sad!” She turns to Billy. “You look sad. Come to a party with us! Then you’ll be less sad!” Oh god, how much did Robin already have to drink? There is no way she would be making this much of a scene if she’s even halfway sober.

As he gets to Billy’s car though, he sees that Robin isn’t wrong. Billy does look sad about something. Although Steve would be too if he was the one that was camped out next to the dumpsters. Billy tries to decline her invitation, saying he’d better get home, but she won’t let up. “Please, Billy? Please? I promise you’ll have fun!” She’s shouting at this point, and she’s drawn the attention of people in the parking lot next door.

“Ok,” says Billy, an exasperated look on his face. “I’ll come to your stupid party. One drink though, that’s it, then I really have to get home.” Robin pumps her fist in a show of victory. Steve drags her to his car, and Billy follows along behind them. “What were you thinking inviting him?” He says, turning to her the second the car doors are closed.

Robin gives him puppy dog eyes. “I’m sorry, but he looked so sad. I couldn’t leave him there next to the trash!” Fuck Robin and her big heart. “While I can appreciate that, Rob, I don’t think hanging out with a bunch of drunk teenagers is going to cheer Billy up any. It might just depress him more.” He can picture a scowling Billy following them around in awkward silence. This is going to be a long night.

***

They get to the party, and as Billy exits his car, it dawns on Steve that the other man is still wearing his work uniform. “Do you not have anything else that you can wear?” he asks, looking in the back windows of the Camaro. Billy shakes his head. “Sorry, pretty boy, but nope, you get me in my Whamburger shirt, or you don’t get me at all.” Steve stands his ground. “Well, you’re definitely not going to this party with us wearing that.” Billy sighs in frustration. “I didn’t even want to come, princess. I’m fairly certain it was Ms. Buckley here that practically begged me to come. I can just go home if you want.”

Robin starts to whine. “Nooooo, you can’t go home, Billy.” Steve, who is still looking in the back windows, spots clothing of some sort on the back seat. “What about that?” He asks, pointing at the ball of fabric. Billy has a look. “My leather jacket? No way. It’s hotter than hell tonight, Harrington. And I don’t have anything to wear under it.” Steve thinks for a second. “Wear it without a shirt. It’ll be fine. Girls will go wild.” Billy sighs. “If I do it, will it get you to shut up so we can go to this party and get it over with?”

“Yes!” Robin says, answering for him. Billy yanks open the door of the car, then pulls off his shirt. Steve does a double take. Jesus, Billy has abs. Steve could tell he was fit from how his arms looked in his work uniform, but he isn’t expecting this. Billy throws on the jacket. “Satisfied?” Steve nods, at a loss for words. Paired with the jeans that they’re thankfully allowed to wear with their uniform shirts, Billy actually looked great. Of course, he didn’t want to even be here, but he was going to show Steve up.

They push their way through the crush of partygoers on the front lawn and enter through the front door. The main floor is filled with people dancing to some rap song that Steve doesn’t recognize, drinks in hand. Smoke fills the air, and there may be someone getting a blowjob in the corner. Steve doesn’t want to look too closely.

It only takes seconds for them to lose Robin in the crowd. Great, now Steve is stuck babysitting the stiff. “Let’s go find drinks!” Steve shouts at Billy. He grabs the other man’s arm to keep him close as they weave between the bodies. They find beers in the kitchen, and Steve pops the tops on two of them, passing one to Billy. He chugs his and Billy follows suit. He wonders if Billy will leave now that he’s fulfilled his one drink requirement, but instead, he follows Steve as he makes his way to the backyard with another two beers.

They head out the back door, and Steve turns to Billy. The other man is drenched in sweat, his chest glistening with it. He holds out one of the beers. “Have one more before you go?” Billy nods, grabbing it from Steve and taking a sip. “Might as well. Better than being at home.” Steve is about to ask Billy what he means when they’re interrupted by a bunch of squealing girls running out the back door.

Thread of conversation lost, the two men stand side by side in silence, sipping their drinks and observing the party around them. On the lawn, there’s a group of boys doing keg stands, and they turn their attention to Billy. “Hey man, come here! Come do one!” Billy shakes his head, letting out a small chuckle. He sounds surprisingly nice when he laughs. Steve laughs along with him, then decides to make some fun for himself.

He turns away from Billy, grumbling. “I knew you’d be too much of a pussy for something like that.” Billy grabs him by the shoulder and turns him, so Steve is facing him. Steve’s got him, hook, line, and sinker. “Hey man, remember that this is your boss you’re talking to. And I’m not a pussy.” He hands Steve his beer and jogs down the steps to the group gathered at the keg.

It turns out that Billy can do a keg stand like a pro. “Yeah! 42!” someone shouts as Billy dismounts, beer dripping down his chest, mingling with the sweat. He’s grinning, his first raised in the air in victory. Steve has never seen him this happy. “That’s how you do it, Hawkins!” He shouts, as he makes his way back to the back porch. Steve is a little disturbed by the fact that he thinks the whole display is kind of hot.

[sneverussape]

What kind of person do you think lily was? There's a lot said about her in the series, but i have trouble reconciling pure, shining paragon lily with someone who would marry someone that spent years tormenting her friend, 4 on 1.

ooh boy this will be a LOT. i can't even promise it will be coherent but i'll make an attempt to be. (going under a cut to save us all the grief).

first off, i think it's fair to state that one of the biggest drawbacks of lily's character is how she was written. she is a plot device. she exists to boost other characters’ narratives: she's simultaneously the Rich Boy's trophy wife, the self-sacrificing mother of the Boy Who Lived, the best friend slash lost love of the Fallen Hero, and, at the same time, also no one at all. lily is a character with little to no background and character development that she can barely stand on her own two feet without any of the associated (usually male) characters to prop her up. it absolutely sucks but that's how it is. that's how jk wrote her.

given that and working with the scraps that we do have, my opinion of lily is...complex. i try to give her justice by trying to understand her context, the workings of her mind, and the possible pressures she was subjected to, but it can be challenging especially since lack of canon pushes you into a space where you have to put them in Either/Or situations. my opinion of her has also changed as i got older. when i was younger (i read the books waaaay back, as they were getting released in fact) i only saw her as an extra character (i was most interested in snape, if that's not obvious enough, but neither did i think snape was 'obsessed' with her as a lot of hp fans now think). i saw her and snape as good friends who had had a falling out, and that he'd probably had a crush on her at some point, and it got naturally overtaken by guilt etc when she died. then when i reread some chapters containing her, i was quick to put her in the Bad Friend camp. i don't think that now. i think that she, like snape, was a complex human being who made a lot of questionable decisions but shouldn't be entirely vilified for them.

my main thoughts of her that are kind of built on material from canon as well as what jkr has said herself:

- she was not posh. she grew up in cokeworth, in the same town as severus. i don't think she was middle class as a lot of fics portray her. i think the evanses were slightly better off than the snapes but they were all working-class, and living was a day-to-day struggle. the kids spoke in the local accent, their clothes were all worn and patched over, there were no green spaces or public infrastructure for kids to safely play in, and they were all mostly running wild about the town since all their parents had to work. food was something to be thankful for because there was never enough, and sometimes they had to share with their neighbors. that's the kind of setting i think lily and severus grew up in, although severus suffered abuse on top of it all. it's possible that lily did too because of the setting (post-world war 2, poverty, adults dealing with repressed trauma from the war, etc) and it wouldn't even be that surprising if she had been;

- she and petunia got along fairly well up until the point lily found out she was a witch and, as a result, became friends with severus. it's stated in canon that petunia had also wanted to attend hogwarts with them, going as far as writing to dumbledore to allow her admittance. her jealousy upon his rejection had festered and grown into outright hate that she projected onto harry as an adult, but i don't doubt that she continued to love lily even after her death and despite how she treated harry. i think as kids they had stuck together and were very close, but magic had torn them apart. suddenly lily had a world of her own that petunia wasn't welcome in, and that would have hurt. pottermore stated lily attended vernon and petunia's wedding or engagement party but james made a right mess of it. i think lily TRIED to maintain their relationship but external factors always got in the way. i don't doubt she had also loved her sister very much;

- i don't think she had any other friends. she may have had a lot of acquaintances but i think her only real friend, the one who saw her for who she really was, was severus, and i think, at a certain point in their lives, she saw that as a weakness and resented it;

- i think, from the interactions we saw in canon of lily with other people, that lily had a penchant to please people, especially the ones who ranked higher than her in terms of power dynamics - petunia (who was the older sister), professors (sluggy comes to mind, the head of slytherin with a lot of connections), even the marauders whose actions she defended. it's not necessarily a bad thing, but i've always seen it as her being borderline manipulative. i noted that she wasn't the same with severus (based on their conversations, especially the ones in 5th year, before SWM) because he's lower than her in a lot of aspects, being a slytherin and quite likely of a lower social standing. she could boss him around and tell him to piss off and he probably wouldn't have minded. she actually strikes me as someone who could have been in slytherin; a perfect arrangement, save for the fact that she was a muggleborn. i think lily knew her place and the cards she was dealt with more than anyone, but she was also determined not to stay there;

- this brings me to the point as to why she ever went out with james potter in the first place. i think her friendship breakup with severus was inevitable because they were in the middle of a burgeoning war and both of them were being pulled to opposite and opposing ends. as an added complexity, i think she also wanted to be better than being muggleborn lily evans of cokeworth, best friend of the evil greasy slytherin git, and her way out was to associate with housemates who were in the upper echelons of power. like, we don't even know what her life was like in gryffindor tower. ron was poor, but he was also a pureblood, so that may have saved him from ridicule. but what if you were a poor muggleborn, with a northern accent to boot? in the same way severus trained himself to be more posh, lily could have done the same and could have furiously tried to blend in. maintaining a friendship with severus would have ended in heartbreak as there were too many risks and it likely outweighed the gains. this was the wizarding world too which is much much smaller than the muggle world and relied on connections more than anything. openly siding with the marauders would have saved her skin and secured her a future (which, as we all know, was forfeit anyway but whatever);

- jumping to the jily relationship, i honestly think it was also not one that was meant to last. iirc jkr projected a lot onto lily, so i'm surmising jily reflected a lot of her own failed relationships. i think james and lily had a less-than-ideal relationship, one that involved abuse (verbal, emotional, mental, physical, take your pick, but at least one form of it), and i think she may have been unhappy in the last year of her life, living in hiding with none of her own friends (if they even existed) and seeing no one else but james' pals. her only light in that darkness was likely harry as she couldn't even see her own family. i think, during those times, she thought a lot about the home she left behind and, as a consequence, her lost friendship with severus. she probably missed him, and i'm sure she must have been very lonely.

in sum, i don't think she was the Virgin Mary figure a lot of hp fans paint her to be. imho she had her own questionable but utterly human moments, and i just tried to fill in the blanks as to why she would have acted the way she did. i don't think it was easy to be lily evans at all, and majority of the 21 years of her life was likely a struggle.

[hardlyinteresting]

Risks Worth Taking 2/2

This is the second half, part 2/2 of the story, thank you to everyone who has read it! Professor!Zemo x Student reader Part 1 here The reader takes Zemo’s philosophy class focusing on Machiavelli. Posted in 2 parts because it exceeded the textbox limit. Apx 3k words.

Warnings: student-teacher relationship (the reader is of age, no real focus on power imbalance), implied age gap, consumption of alcohol, implication that the reader is sleeping with Zemo for better grades (she's not) and of course let me know if you want me to add anything else!!

Week five, he is not shocked to find she’s once again the first one in class. “Good evening,” he greets warmly, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck as he makes his way to his desk. She smiles back, “I left my paper on your desk there, I figured I’d get the pile started”. He laughs setting down his coat and bag, “Something tells me there will be few submissions for this class”.

He’s right. Less than half the class bothers to show up. Most of her peers seem to be getting a head start on winter break, at least the class is quiet she thinks content listening to Helmut summarize the most recently assigned chapters, providing historical context where needed.

“Enjoy your break Helmut,” she says softly as he shuts the lecture hall door.

“You as well. Do you have plans?” She shakes her head, “No, just reading”. He smiles, “Then I am sure it will be a good break indeed”.

The cafe is warm and cosy. She settles comfortably into her favourite booth with her favourite book and a second cup of tea.

The bell at the front door dings as a man enters in a long black coat and leather gloves. Fancy she thinks to herself as he approaches the counter to order. It's usually other students dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, the man’s put together dress piques her interest. He orders and then she watches over the top of her book as he drops a $10 bill into the barista’s tip jar. Oh, well dressed and exceedingly well mannered. She can't help but watch him as he waits. Removing his gloves he tucks them into his pockets and unbuttons his coat, she swears she can smell his cologne from where she sits; it's incredible!

“Cherry blossom tea for Helmut?” The barista calls sliding the cup across the counter.

Helmut? It isn't. Is it? He turns after saying a polite thank you, and she can feel her heart hammering as he turns and she sees his face. It is. She's not sure why she's shocked, she did tell him about this place after all. Do I say something? She wonders, weighing the pros and cons, but her thoughts are halted when she hears his voice,

“Hello,” he smiles softly, “I didn't expect you to be here--I know you pointed this place out, but I wasn't--”

He's worried he's intruding. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“No, no. It's okay! I don't own the place-- did you want to sit? You don't have to--”

He chuckles as her nerves get the best of her.

Silently he sets down his cup shrugging out of his coat, putting it over the back of the chair before sitting down.

“What are you reading?” He smiles, trying to peak at the cover.

Again, after their initial stiffness, the conversation flows smoothly, just like it had in his office. After several warm drinks, and a couple croissants ordered between the two of them it’s grown dark outside. Neither had noticed the cafe empty out slowly over the hours, the barista cleaning up for the night until she clears her throat from behind the counter. They both turn to look at her, finally noticing how quiet the shop is.

“Sorry, we’re closing now,” the barista smiles sweetly. “Not a problem. I apologise, we lost track of time. We’ll get out of your way,” Helmut apologizes. The pair collect their things sliding back into their coats and gloves. Helmut waits patiently for her to be ready to go his hand resting gently at the small of her back as she slips out of the booth and past him.

Helmut stops and puts another bill in the girl’s tip jar.

“Sorry for keeping you,” he apologises again.

Outside the winter wind is cold against their faces.

“Are you hungry?” Helmut asks.

“I could eat,” She responds. “Ever been there?” Helmut asks pointing to the pub across the street. “I don’t know if it’s your speed. It’s not super nice or anything, but their food is decent,” she says honestly. He laughs, “‘Decent’ is better than what I can make at home by myself”.

She bites her lip thinking about it, does he want to spend more time with me?

“Okay,” she smiles as they make their way across the street.

Settled at a table, they wait for their server, she asks, “Was that a fifty dollar bill I saw you put in that tip jar?”

He shrugs, “Yes”.

He says that as if it’s normal, she thinks.

“I know you’re not from here, but you do know that’s a lot of money right?” “Yes,” he shrugs again, “But she made excellent tea all afternoon, she let us stay as late as she could and she was polite. And I have been here long enough to know that servers of any kind don’t get paid fairly. I can afford it, she deserves it”.

She feels the smile grow across her face, she considers gushing that he’s such a good person, but instead what comes out is, “I’m really starting to consider becoming a professor”.

He laughs, “I told you, it’s family money, not my facility pay”. God, that laugh, sets off butterflies in her stomach, the warm, genuine sound of his laughter.

He continues, “Before Sokovia fell, my family were royalty. I was a Baron there”. “I knew your name sounded familiar,” she sighs, “I remember hearing about Sokovia on the news. I remember your name, you were building orphanages and relief centres”.

He nods sadly, “Many of us thought we could salvage what we had left after everything. We couldn’t”.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, without thinking she reaches across the table to place a comforting hand on his arm. His hand comes to cover hers, so much larger than her own.

There’s a silence between them for one of the first moment since he sat down with her earlier at the cafe. But it’s not uncomfortable, it’s the opposite -- a silence of understanding, both parties knowing there’s nothing they can say to make things better-- they can only ruminate.

The peace is broken by a waiter coming to take their orders. “Do you drink Helmut?” She asks with a mischievous smile. “I have been known to indulge,” he confesses, his eyebrows furrowed. “Two shots of ?” she turns to look at Helmut expectantly. “Vodka,” he replies. “Two shots of vodka, and an order of cheese fries to share please,” she orders, “thank you”.

The waiter returns not before long, placing the drinks and food on the table.

She holds her shot glass up waiting for him to do the same. “Prost,” he says raising his glass towards her. “Cheers,” she responds clinking her glass into his before they both tip them back.

And that’s how their night begins.

It’s nearing midnight when they settle their bill, Helmut insisting he pay-- though she put up a good fight. “Can I walk you home?” He asks looking at her under the light of the street lamps. She nods, her face feeling warm both from his attention and the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream. Her apartment is only three blocks away, but time seems to slow down as they walk arm in arm through the freshly fallen snow. At her door they stop, she looks up at him, him down at her. Without a thought, lips meet. It’s not rough or particularly sexy, but she feels her knees go weak when his hand comes to cup her cheek, his other splayed across the small of her back pulling her closer. This kiss deepens and she clutches the lapel of his wool coat before they both pull away. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Don’t be,” she sighs.

Then the thought hits her, “How are you getting home?” “Oh-- I was going to get a cab and go back to the cafe to pick up my car in the morning,” he explains. “Nonsense-- you can stay here,” she offers unlocking her door and stepping inside, he doesn’t follow. “Not in my bed,” she laughs flicking on the light, “I’ll set you up on the couch”. He steps inside.

In the morning he wakes to the sun shining through the window. It takes him a minute to orient himself remembering he crashed on her couch. He sits up taking a moment to look around the apartment, it’s cute. Books and textbooks and notebooks strewn about the place. It’s homey and inviting and every bit what he’d expect her space to look like. Carefully he grabs one of the open notebooks tearing out a page he writes a quick note:

Good morning, I find that I feel very sorry for having to leave before you wake. Alas, I have much to get done, and I do not wish to trespass in your home longer than needed. I am grateful for your hospitality, and even more, your company. If my memory serves correctly I must also apologise for making that advance towards you last night. It was ungentlemanly, and you are unquestionably deserving of much better. I hope you can forgive me, and that you might allow me to make it up to you. -Helmut

Week six.

“He should appear to be compassionate, faithful to his word, guileless, and devout.” Is written across the board. When she settles into her seat. She’s not early this week, rather just on time. Helmut notes the heavy rise and fall of her chest as she tries to catch her breath, he holds back a smile at the thought of her sprinting to his class. When the class is settled, he proceeds to hand back all of the submitted essays, now marked. He smiles as he sets hers on her desk, “Bravo,” he says quietly enough that just she hears it as he shuffles along to the next row of students. She anxiously flips to the last page, red pen scrawl reads 100%. Her jaw drops. There’s no way. She thinks back to the rumours she heard on campus at the beginning of the year, about how difficult a marker he is. Bullshit. Her blood boils, rage sizzling beneath her skin. She avoids his eyes for the rest of class staring down at her notebook as she notices the indents in the blank page-- indents left from where he had written her a note that morning. Her anger freezes replaced by the cold sinking feeling in her chest. All his kind words, all those moments shared-- did he really think she was just spending time with him for a better grade? What kind of handout does he expect to get from her? She scolds herself now for the little crush she’d developed-- how stupid could she be? The prince must appear to be virtuous in order to hide his actions, She remembers from her reading, a dagger to her chest as she thinks bitterly that she’s not shocked that the professor is practising what he preaches.

The class ends and he moves to collect his paperwork, sorting it back into his bag. She stays. “I’m glad you stayed behind,” he starts. “I’m sure you are,” she says sharply. Confused he puts his things down turning to face her. “Have I done something to upset you?” He asks seriously his head tilted to the side as he racks his brain for anything he may have done to make her so cross. Perhaps his note was not sufficient in conveying his apology? “Do you think I’m stupid? Or that I’m naive?” she asks arms crossed, “I’m not sleeping with you for a good grade,” she states firmly, sliding her essay back across her desk, “feel free to adjust my grade accordingly”. Is that what she thinks? His mouth goes dry, his mind and heart racing with all the different ways he wants to apologise, to tell her that she has it wrong. He approaches her, finally making eye contact with her, “Your grade will stay as it is. I mark all of my student’s work without looking at the cover pages. I have always strived to remain impartial. Your essay was marked no differently,” He explains calmly, “I would be wrong to say that I don’t hold any affections for you-- it is quite the opposite. I enjoy the time we have spent together, and I would like to continue to remain in your company; I hope to eventually find myself in your affections-- but none of this has any bearing on your grade. I am sorry that I have acted in a way where this was not clear”. Her throat clenches, oh. “I’m sorry--Oh my god--I’m so stupid!” her hand flies to cover her mouth. “You have nothing to apologise for-- I should be the one apologising,” he insists. She shakes her head standing to stand in front of him, “We’ve both been obtuse”. “I’d like to make it up to you. I’d like to take you out for dinner-- a proper meal. If you’ll allow me”. She nods her hand coming to rest on his cheek, thumb running gently across his cheekbone, “I would like that,” she says quietly, her eyes glazing at his lips, “But only after the semester is done and I’ve graduated”. “If that is what you want,” he nods understanding. She can feel him leaning in, her eyes flickering up to his caramel eyes and back down to his lips, his hand rests on her hip, but he waits for her to close the gap between them.

Last day of the school year.

She waits by the door to the lecture hall as he speaks to his class. She listens to the back and forth of conversing ideas from the students, her heart beating faster every time Helmut speaks. It takes a while for everyone to leave when the class is over, but he does his best not to make her wait too long, gathering his things as quickly as possible, he makes his way over to her.

“Maybe I should’ve taken this course, the conversation was much more lively!” She laughs. “Your intelligent thoughts would have been wasted here, my dear” He smiles shutting the door behind him, “your class needed a brilliant mind in it”.

The summer goes by quickly. Fine dining, nights in. reading during rainstorms. Nights of soft romance, followed by nights of passion. Pasts shared. Futures envisioned. In his bed the night before the new school year she rolls over to lay almost on top of him, laughing when he lets out an oof. “Old man she teases,” earning a playful pinch on the thigh from him.

She glances at his nightstand, a copy of The Prince laying there.

“And what are your personal feelings about Machiavelli anyway? You never speak about your own thoughts”

“You're so clever,” he laughs, “but you're right”.

He sighs pulling her closer. he tries to focus on his hand running up and down her arm, how soft her sweater is under his fingertips. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “every time I read it, my opinions change,” he confesses, “there was a time when I was young and stupid; thought I was invincible that I agreed with a lot of his ideals. Then I grew older, fell in love--I thought him stupid and lonely. I experienced an incredible loss--”

She squeezes his side as she hears his voice grow tense with tears, he swallows and continues, “and then I thought I understood him. I learned how to grieve and I thought him intolerable. In the end I learn more about myself than I do him”.

She smiles, “and have you read it lately?”

He nods kissing her softly, “I have”.

“And?”

“I learned to trust my instincts. To take the risks that are worth taking”

“You're kind of a sap,” she laughs, her face getting warm she buries it in his chest. Part 1 here

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Three

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrusted to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Smut, NonCon, Language, Kinda Slow Burn, Cruel!Bucky, Injuries, Violence, TRIGGER WARNING FOR NON CONSENSUAL SEX, fluff??? Maybe?? Can you call it that????

Word Count: 3.6K

A/n: I'm making soup right now!!!! It won’t be done until maybe eleven thirty (It’s ten thirty rn) and I work at 4 tomorrow morning so RIP me. Um... I hope to post the next part of In a Heartbeat soon (Tonight or tomorrow) but we’ll see. I hope you guys are all having a lovely evening and I love you all very much!!

Spoiler(ish) A/n 2: So this chapter is very dark BUT the next chapter will not be as dark so you have that to look forward to.

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND VERY DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

PART ONE

PART TWO

~*~

“No breakfast again this morning, Your Majesty?” You shake your head at your guard, turning your back to her and motioning for her to tie up your corset.

She starts tying, apologizing every now and again when you inhale sharply at the tightness.

“Natalia, I would appreciate it if my name were not one you said to the king. With every mention of me, he becomes more agitated. He is entitled to do whatever it is that he pleases to me, for I belong to him now. I fear you getting involved in any way will only make matters worse for me.”

She wonders what James might've done when he last saw you to have you saying this, but she knows better than to ask.

“Yes, Your Majesty. I ask you forgive me for speaking so plainly without permission.”

It’s been weeks since the king left, and the Kingdom has started growing cold with the coming winter.

“Today, if you will allow it, I would like to take you to the stables. You have been here for well over a month and have yet to meet your horse.” You cock your head to the side. You didn’t even know you had a horse here.

“I have a horse?” She nods, draping a cloak over your shoulders. “You have whatever you want here. This is your home. Your kingdom. Anything you wish for will be brought to you. All you need do is ask.”

“I suppose you’re correct. Forgive me for being so blunt, but I have not felt very welcomed in my new home.” She nods, opening the door for you and walking you down the hall.

“I know it has been said many times, but the King is simply under a fair amount of stress. He knows not how his words affect you. You mustn’t think you are the cause of his anger. He is wrong to take it out on you. I know it isn’t my place, but before Steven was taken, the two kings were greatly looking forward to meeting you and marrying you. However, without his husband, I fear James has become a shell of a man.”

You hum, her words making sense when you think back to the way the King treated you and some of the things he said.

“It’s comical. The King fears I am trying to replace his husband when I have not even spoken his name. I have not said a word about King Steven and yet His Majesty treats me as if I am the one who lost him in the first place.” You stop in your tracks, horror filling you at what you’ve said.

“I am too bold, for I know not what I am saying. Please forgive me, Natalia. I did not mean anything by it.” She smiles gently at you.

“You do not need to be afraid of speaking freely in front of me. I will not breathe a word of it to the King. What is said in my presence stays with me and only me.” You smile gratefully at her but say nothing more, not knowing how much you can trust the woman beside you.

~*~

The days go by in blurs of grey. You rarely leave your chambers unless coaxed by Nat or Wanda, and even then it is only for brief moments.

Your appetite has shrunk and you hardly sleep more than a few hours a night, something both women are starting to become worried about.

Natalia was asked to take care of you, and she feels horrid for doing such a terrible job. But she isn’t sure what else she can do.

“We should hear from the King soon. It’s been nearly two months since his departure,” Wanda says from beside the bathtub. You’re laying in the warm water, eyes closed in a pathetic attempt at ignoring the world around yourself.

Something about what she says clicks in your mind and you peel your eyes open.

“How long did you say?” You ask, voice scratchy from lack of use.

“It’s been nearly two months since he left.” She repeats, smiling gently at you. You nod, teeth grinding together as butterflies fill your belly.

“Wanda, could you fetch the doctor? I am feeling unwell.” She nods, jumping up from her spot and hurrying to the door. While she’s gone you climb out of the bathtub and quickly dry off, heart in your throat as you get dressed.

You’re pulling on a plain beige dress when Wanda re-enters the room, a doctor following close behind.

“Your Majesty.” He bows then stands back up quickly, pushing his spectacles up higher on his nose.

“Please excuse us, Wanda.” She nods, disappointment in her eyes, but leaves nonetheless.

You wait until you’re sure she’s away from the door before speaking.

“I have not bled since arriving here,” you say bluntly, wanting to know now if what you think is actually true.

He raises his eyebrows and nods, licking his lips.

“When was your last bleed before arriving?” You take a deep breath, trying hard to remember. “Probably about a week... maybe two before I arrived.” He nods, pulling a small notepad out of his jacket and jotting something down.

“The days add up. I would not be surprised if you were with child. I’d like to do a few inspections, just to be sure, but I am fairly confident that you are.” He pulls the stethoscope from around his neck and puts the earpieces in his ears.

He presses the flat part against your chest, listening intently before nodding and jotting a few more things down.

When he crouches down and presses the flat part to your lower belly you feel like you may throw up.

It’s dead silent in the room, you holding your breath, and him listening carefully.

A smile breaks out across his face and he stands up.

“Congratulations, Your Majesty. I can hear two healthy heartbeats.”

You’re going to faint.

He must see you start to sway because he grabs your arms and hurries you to your bed, laying you down.

“I’ll send for Lady Wanda. Have her bring some water.” You nod, clenching your jaw as you try to fight both tears and dizziness.

You’re pregnant.

You’re going to have a baby.

You dread having to tell the King.

~*~

Two weeks after finding out the news and you’ve told no one. The Doctor, (Doctor Banner as you found out later) is the only other person who knows and you’ve sworn him to secrecy.

Two weeks after finding out you’re carrying the future of Acadia and that is news you’ve kept to yourself. Who can you tell? Your husband still hasn’t sent word, and there’s been no sign of him.

You sit in your chambers, picking at a piece of bread more than eating it.

“Majesty, you’ve lost weight. You need to eat, please,” Wanda begs. You look over at her then back down to your almost untouched plate of food.

After a moment of staring at the food you sigh, one hand coming to your stomach.

“Wanda, where do your loyalties lie?” She furrows her brows in confusion at your question.

“I don’t think I understand what you mean, your Majesty.” You sigh and look at her. “Could you keep a secret from the King if I requested you to do as such?” She nods without hesitation. “You are my queen and I am your lady. You are my top priority, before the kings.” You nod, absentmindedly drawing patterns on your stomach.

“I’m with child,” you tell her, eyes focused on the pristine walls.

She takes a sharp breath in, hurrying to your side and looking into your eyes.

“Is this confirmed?” You nod, placing a hand on your tiny bump.

“I have not told his majesty yet, because I have no way of contacting him. I can only hope that after he is made aware of my pregnancy... I hope he is kinder.” She nods, smiling gently at you.

“I’m sure he will be. He and King Steven spoke so fondly of having children. Of having you. When they come back I am positive King James will make up for all he has done to you. Now, you must eat. I will not leave this spot until you eat half of what is here. If not for your sake then for that of your child.” You purse your lips then nod, picking up a scrap of bread and bringing it to your lips.

She smiles encouragingly, watching with warmth in her eyes as you eat the food on your plate.

~*~

You’re falling into light sleep when there’s a sudden commotion outside of your chambers.

“He’s returned?” A muffled voice asks.

James.

You bolt upright, stumbling out of your bed and rushing over to your window. Sure enough, the group of riders is back. But one is missing from the King’s horse.

“He was unsuccessful. We could not find Steve. He... he is not taking it well.” That’s Samuel's voice.

You open your door, smiling at Nat and Sam.

“He is back?” You ask. Sam nods then scratches the nape of his neck.

“He is... not in good spirits right now, Your Majesty. It would be unwise to see him until he has calmed down.”

You take a deep breath, Wanda’s words ringing in your head. He needs to know this. If only to spare yourself some pain.

“I need to speak to him and I need to do so now. This has waited long enough. I do not care if he is not in good spirits. I have waited far too long to tell him.” The two nod and Sam points you in the direction of where the King is.

Your heart is racing in your ears and you hold your stomach, beyond nervous for the King’s reaction.

When you get to the throne room you find the door open, the King having his back to you.

“Your Majesty?” You call, only becoming more nervous when you see the way his shoulders tighten at the sound of your voice.

“I asked to be left alone,” he growls, his voice low and full of anger. You take a deep breath and nod, stepping into the throne room.

“I realize that, Your Majesty, and I apologize for intruding, but I mist speak with you.” He chuckles, turning around slowly to look at you.

He’s dirty and there’s dried blood on the side of his face. His eyes are red and blood-shot and you realize that he must’ve been crying.

“What could you possibly have to say that would lead you to believe it is important enough for me to hear?” Your mouth drops open in shock and he scoffs.

“You waste my time, you stupid girl. I want nothing of you, do you not understand that?!”

“Believe me, Your Majesty, I understand that plenty. You think I do not know of your resentment but I do. I am not here by my own free will, might I remind you. I am not the one who chose to come here. If my memory serves me correctly, it was you and King Steven who chose me.”

You hardly register what happens next. One moment you’re standing up facing the king, the next you’re on the ground, cheek stinging and the taste of blood in your mouth while the sound of a slap rings in your ears.

“You will not speak to your King in that manner! It is a privilege to be here, and it is time you realized that. You were chosen, yes. Chosen to bear the children of the great Kings of the West. However, that does not make you irreplaceable! You can easily be beheaded and another woman brought in your place.” He eyes you for a moment, his anger and sorrow consuming him.

“It seems my words are not enough to remind you what you are meant for. Perhaps my cock will do a better job?” You shake your head, scrambling back, but it’s too late. He’s already on top of you, shoving your legs apart and pushing your skirts up past your hips.

“No! Your Majesty, please! I-I’m sorry! Please, don’t!” He smacks you again, successfully silencing your pleads for him to stop. Tears leak from your eyes and you feel whatever fight you had left in you be drained.

Your mind goes blank and it’s as if all your senses have been turned off.

You can’t feel anything. Not his hands on your hips, nor his manhood tearing you apart. You can’t hear his angry grunts or the choked sobs he’s trying so desperately to contain.

You simply lie beneath him, tears trailing down your cheeks and eyes focused on a stain on the wall across from where you are.

Hot tears splatter against your face, adding to your own, and somewhere through your hazy mind you realize he’s crying. Why he could possibly be crying when he’s the one causing pain is beyond you, but you don’t care anymore. Not about him, nor his husband, nor his kingdom. The heir you carry... you’re hardly sure if you care about it anymore either.

When he’s finished he doesn’t look at you. He can’t. He can’t face what he’s done. Instead, he fixes your skirts, gets up, and leaves you on the floor.

You have no strength left inside of you. Your body is stuck on the ground, tears still flowing down your cheeks and dripping into a puddle on the floor.

Alone on the floor you lie, not sure for how long. Minutes, hours, days. You have no idea. You hardly hear the feet running to you, nor do you process the hands pulling you into a seated position, fingers on your neck checking for a pulse.

A woman’s voice shouting for the doctor while strong arms pick you up.

You’re carried through the halls, each one looking so much like the last, and then you’re on your bed again.

There are people speaking, voices all muffled together that you can’t hear and you wish would go away.

And then you’re jolted back to reality by a spray of cold water.

You gasp, arms coming around your body and hugging yourself as shivers wrack your frame.

“There you are, Your Majesty,” Doctor Banner says, his eyes moving from your face down to your stomach.

“Everyone out. I need to inspect the Queen in privacy.” You don’t look to see who else is in the room. You don’t care.

You keep your gaze locked forward, trembling as the cold water seeps into your bones.

“It was the only method I could think of to pull you from your shock, Your Majesty. I do hope you’ll forgive me.” You don’t reply and the Doctor sighs.

“Lady Wanda, run a hot bath for her. And have someone fetch some of the tea I asked for.” You’re assuming Wanda does as asked because you can hear the water filling up the tub.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Doctor Banner asks. You say nothing.

“Are you hurt?” You shrug.

“Can I examine you?” You nod. He lays you down and presses the stethoscope to your stomach, nodding once then sitting between your legs. He flips your skirts up and you squeeze your eyes shut.

“I will need to have a word with his Majesty. He cannot be so rough while you are with child.” You shake your head, pushing yourself onto your elbows.

The doctor raises his eyebrows in confusion.

“You don’t want me to tell him?” You nod. He sighs but agrees.

“You must rest though, Your Majesty. I can only imagine how much pain you are in.” When you still say nothing he sighs and rises to his feet.

“From what I gathered, all is well with the child. It will take a few days for you to heal properly, and I recommend you eat more and add more meats and cheeses to your diet. You need to gain weight and sleep more. Both you and your child require that. I will inform the chefs of your change in meal schedule. I expect you to follow it this time.” You simply nod and the doctor leaves without another word.

Wanda is at your side before you can fall back into the abyss of numbness, helping you to the bathtub and pulling your soiled dress from your body.

“I’ll have it disposed of. You spend as much time as you’d like in the tub. I sent Nat and Sam to fetch tea and soup for you. No one has seen the King since...” She trails off, a frown on her lips at the way you make no sign of having even heard her.

A knock on the door pulls her from her worries momentarily and she hurries to open it.  

Nat comes in, a tray in her hand, and Sam is standing guard at the door, under strict order from the redhead not to let the King anywhere near your chambers.

“How is she?” Nat asks. Wanda shakes her head, sighing heavily. “She hasn’t spoken a word. Not even to Doctor Banner. I fear he may have done damage that cannot be healed.” Nat nods, her eyes on you.

“Your Majesty? I’ve brought you some soup and tea. Doctor Banner has said that you need to eat more.” She sits on the padded vanity stool after tugging it to the bathtub and sets the tray down on the floor beside her.

She picks up the soup and offers you the bowl, at which you simply stare. She sighs and raises a spoonful of it to her mouth, blowing on it gently before offering it to you. You open your mouth and allow her to spoon-feed you the warm soup.

It takes both women to get you out of the tub and into bed, but once you’re in bed you never want to move.

Wanda blows out the few candles you had in your chambers and her and Nat quietly leave.

~*~

“She’s been up for several hours. She lit a fire a few hours ago and has been sitting in front of it ever since,” Nat whispers, looking at the brunette with sad eyes.

“The King has destroyed her spirit,” Wanda whispers back. You sit perfectly poised in front of the fire, your back facing the two women.

“Has she spoken yet?” Wanda asks, to which Nat replies with a sad shake of her head.

Your fingers poke at your stomach, hatred in your heart for the life growing within you.

A plate of fruit and nuts sits in front of you, one you’ve been nibbling at since the early hours of the morning.

You’re not meaning to be silent, you simply have nothing left to say to anyone, no fight in you and nothing left to give. You’re tired and absolutely done with this life that you’re living.

“Nat?” The two watch you carefully for any reaction to the King’s voice.

“You should be beaten for all that you’ve done to her,” Nat says matter-of-factly. The King sighs and you hear his footsteps slow as he approaches your door.

“I came to talk to her. To apologize and explain.” The redhead snorts. “It’s a little bit late for that, Your Majesty. She hasn’t spoken a word since we found her yesterday. I doubt she wants anything to do with you.” You couldn’t care less at this point.

“Please?” The redhead sighs but steps aside, allowing her King access to his wife.

“(Y/n)?” You don’t move, eyes focused on the flames in front of you. He sits himself down beside you, eyes on the side of your face.

You’ve lost weight. Your face is slimmer, less lively than last he saw it. The bags under your eyes have only grown and you look... exhausted.

“May I have a moment alone with her? Please?” The two women exchange glances before slowly nodding.

“We will be just beyond the door if you need anything from us, Your Majesty.” He knows they’re not talking to him. As soon as the door is closed he sighs, shoulders slumping forward.

“I will never be able to apologize for all that I have done to you. You... you have endured far more than you should have and I have treated you unfairly. I have... I have brutalized you and broken you down. I take full responsibility for my actions.”

He sighs heavily before continuing, his voice quiet and broken.

“I miss my husband. And although that is no excuse, it is my explanation. I have never been one to love easily, and loving him... it was hard to accept for the longest time. And then I opened myself up to a love I have never experienced before, only to have him ripped from my grasp.

“We chose you specifically. Your beauty and wit... we knew you would make a wonderful queen. He would talk about you at night, we would discuss what having you would be like. And now every time I look at you I see him and it pains me. Because you are a dream that he and I were meant to share. It is wrong for me to take that out on you and I will never ever be deserving of your forgiveness.”

When you still say nothing he sighs.

“I... I would like for us to be civil, at the very least. And I know you have tried and I have not been open to this before, but I would like to start over if you’ll allow it.”

Even if you didn’t want to be civil with him, his word trumps yours.

“Join me for dinner tonight? I will have the cooks prepare whatever you would like to eat.”

You don’t want to eat a single damn thing. But do you really have a choice?

[fanfic-archive]

Meeting the Baron (2/7)

Chapter 2. Madripoor

Summary: When the Baron takes your search to Madripoor, the four of you are forced to play your roles. A role that brings you much closer to Zemo than you ever thought you could be comfortable with, but is it entirely an act?

(Yes, we're doing the fake dating trope. I don't care if it's overdone, I'm obsessed)

Part 1

Word Count: 4696

Zemo had provided each of you with, what he deemed to be, appropriate disguises. Bucky’s was fairly simple, just enough to make him look like the Winter Soldier, but Sam’s suit was brighter and apparently very much the style of the Smiling Tiger, not that he was a fan. You had instantly become hesitant when you opened the package that Zemo had handed you, staring at the black dress and strappy heels in disbelief. You knew that you had to keep up appearances, the people you would be meeting only understood three things, power, money, and women. Still, how were you meant to react if something went wrong while wearing this.

Putting on the garment only made you less sure. The dress was fitted to perfection, which was curious to you since Zemo never asked for your size, and the material was soft to the touch. It ended above the knees and had thin straps over your shoulders, it was more revealing than something you would usually wear but the length kept it surprisingly classy. You actually looked like the Baron’s partner rather than a date for one night. The dress itself wasn’t that uncomfortable, just impractical since you couldn’t hide a gun under it, and you were a little surprised by how good it looked on you, but the shoes were the bigger problem, being impractical. You wouldn’t be able to rush somewhere too easily.

Once you finished getting ready, you put on the necklace that Zemo had left for you and headed back out into the main room. Of course, the Baron’s date would need to have some sort of jewellery to really sell it.

“Finally” Sam sighed when he heard the door open and close behind him, the three men turning to you.

“What? Don’t look at me like that” you complained, noticing the surprised looks on Sam and Bucky’s faces.

“Just haven’t seen you all dressed up before” Sam shrugged. “And I thought I looked overdressed” he joked.

“You look good” Bucky complimented, hoping to make you feel more comfortable.

“Thanks, Bucky” you chuckled, shaking your head at him. “But of course, you haven’t seen me in anything like this before, I’ve never had the opportunity and if I could afford all of this, I would have retired by now” you pointed out, making them both laugh a little. You made a fair point.

“I, for one, think I made a perfect choice. You look wonderful” Zemo complimented, making you all look over at him. “Are you all ready?” he asked as he approached the three of you, holding his hand out for you to take.

“We aren’t there yet, keep your hands to yourself” you reminded him.

“Apologies” he nodded, lowering his hand. “But once we get out of the car, we all need to be in character” he warned the three of you, who just nodded in understanding.

A car picked the four of you up and dropped you off just outside the meeting place, and this time when Zemo held his hand out to you, you took it and let him help you out of the car. He offered his arm to you and you took hold of his elbow, letting him lead the way, Sam and Bucky following behind.

You couldn’t decide what was worse, watching Bucky fight while pretending to be the Winter Soldier or watching Sam drink whatever it was that the bartender gave him. Both were painful, and while witnessing each you had unconsciously gripped Zemo’s arm a little tighter, and he had pulled you a little closer each time. Luckily, while at the bar, Zemo had gotten you something a little sweeter than Sam’s drink.

Finally, Selby agreed to meet with you all and you were sent through to see her, but things only got more tense.

“You should know, Baron. People don’t just come into my bar and make demands” Selby spoke as the four of you entered the room. She sat comfortably on one of the couches, arms draped over the back cushion, watching you all like she was trying to read you.

“Not a demand. An offer” Zemo corrected her.

“A lot has changed since you were here last” Selby claimed as Sam crossed to stand on one side of the room while Bucky positioned himself on the other. “By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?” she asked curiously.

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” Zemo answered as he sat down on the couch opposite her, guiding you towards him by the hand. Without speaking, he was looking you in the eyes, as if to convey the choice that he was asking you to make.

You took a small, unnoticeable breath before quickly making a decision, placing yourself comfortably on his lap. You’ve surely done worse.

“I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m here for” he continued, wrapping one arm around your waist to keep you steady and placing his other gloved hand on your bare knee. An attempt to be respectful while still being convincing.

“You’re taller than I’d heard, Smiling Tiger” Selby suddenly turned her attention to Sam, who only responded with a nod.

“Tell us what you know about the super-soldier serum. And I give you him-” Zemo got her attention back onto him, gesturing to Bucky, his offer to her “-along with the code words to control him, of course. He will do anything you want.”

“Now that’s the Zemo I remember. I’m glad I decided not to kill you immediately but tell me…would she do anything I want?” the attention was suddenly put onto you as Selby stared you down, putting you on edge. You couldn’t help but tense a little, this wasn’t part of the plan and it unsettled you.

“This one only sings for me” Zemo informed her, his hand inching up your thigh slightly to prove his point. His touch left goosebumps in its wake, which you tried your best to ignore but you were sure that he noticed it.

Knowing you had to sell this, the hand you had on his shoulder lifted to play with his hair (though, not enough to mess it up) while you placed your other hand against his chest, smiling sweetly at him. Yes, you had noticed his attractiveness before, but this was the closest you had ever been to him and the longest you had been looking at him, and it only left you admiring him a little more. Luckily, you could blame it on acting if anyone noticed. Plus, his cologne was invading your senses and you found it oddly comforting.

“That’s a shame” Selby hummed. “But you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right. The super-soldier serum is here in Madripoor. Dr Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank. Or…condemn, depending on what side of this you’re on. The Power Broker had him working on the serum, but things didn’t go as planned” she informed him.

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Zemo asked but your attention turned to the hand he had returned to your knee when his thumb started stroking little circles against your skin.

“Oh. The breadcrumbs you can have for free, but the bakery is gonna cost you, Baron. And before you get all cute, don’t think you can find Nagel without me” Selby shook her head in disapproval. “Maybe we could work something out if you could make your little bird sing” she suggested, eyeing you again, and you couldn’t help but lean closer to the criminal who’s lap you were sat on.

“Go on, Liebling, answer her” Zemo prompted, giving your thigh a small reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sorry, but I only have eyes for one person” you claimed with a convincing smile, gently resting your head against Zemo’s shoulder. You would straddle his man right here in front of everyone if it meant she left you alone.

“And she is not a bargaining chip” Zemo insisted, holding onto you a little tighter, almost protectively. That brought a more genuine smile to your face.

However, when you glanced over at Selby, you could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t entirely convinced; you couldn’t tell whether she was trying to uncover your act or just find a weakness in your supposed relationship that she could exploit to get what she wanted. Your grip on his shoulder tightened slightly, trying to convey your concerns to him. It did seem to get his attention as he turned his face towards you as you lifted your head from his shoulders, resulting in your faces ending up a little closer than you expected.

Now or never. You had to sell this act if you wanted all of this to go smoothly. You lifted your hand, tracing your fingers alone his jaw as you put on your best love-struck smile. Zemo was watching you carefully, he knew what your possible moves were from here and while it surprised him, he would let you make the play.

So, you lent in closer as your fingertips reached his chin, lips hovering just over his. The hand on your knee brushed upwards, gloved fingertips touching the hem of your dress. Any longer would be suspicious, and so you closed the gap and touched your lips to his. You had made the move, you had kissed him, and so Zemo allowed himself to take the lead.

The hand on your thigh tightened as he deepened the kiss, what surprised you the most was that you returned the advancement, your hand cupping his jaw to hold him closer. You simply couldn’t deny the pull you felt towards him and how this just didn’t feel as wrong as you thought it would.

While the moment felt disconnected from the others and endless, in reality it hadn’t been that long at all. And while it was beginning to feel easy to forget about where you were, you didn’t, slipping your hand down from his jaw and too his chest as you pulled away.

“Well, don’t let us interrupt you” Selby teased but she seemed to be fully convinced now. The comment put a slight blush on your face, but you figured it worked for the act, so didn’t worry about it. You still avoided looking at either Sam or Bucky, not wanting to see how they were looking at you after that little show.

Selby finally seemed to give up on getting anywhere in that deal, she wasn’t going to get her hands on you, and the conversation could continue.

As Zemo and Selby spoke, you fainlly spared a few glances at Sam and Bucky. Bucky was still in character, though he seemed even tenser than before, but Sam managed to sneak a small look in your direction that silently asked if you were okay. You gave him the smallest of nods before disguising it by resting your head against Zemo’s fur collar.

Things were going well, that was until Sam’s sister called him and your covers were blown, resulting in Selby’s death. All four of you knew that you had to get out of there as soon as possible, you had made it out of the building with no trouble and were walking down the street when people started shooting at you all, wanting to claim the bounty for Selby’s killers.

The four of you reacted the only way you could, you knew that you couldn’t fight back and win right now, so you all ran for cover. Bucky and Sam bolted ahead but Zemo had supplied you with thin heels, causing you to stumble on the uneven ground. You cursed to yourself, only to have somebody pull you off to the side. It was almost too quick for you to process but Zemo had wrapped an arm around you and pulled you along with him, in a different direction to the other two.

The two of you kept your heads down, slipping off into an alleyway before deciding that it was safe enough to slow down and speak. It seemed that the bounty hunters had mostly followed Sam and Bucky.

“I can’t believe you made me wear these stupid shoes” you complained as he guided you through the alleyways of Madripoor, he obviously knew where he was going.

“I thought they looked nice” Zemo weakly defended himself but sounded confident in his claim.

“Sure, but not so great when you’re being shot at” you scoffed.

“If your friend had turned off his phone, none of this would have happened” he pointed out but that didn’t make you feel any better about the situation.

“We better be going to find them” you warned him.

“Of course” he nodded.

When you were sure that nobody was following you, the two of you slowed down a little and focused on regrouping. You followed Zemo, your attention focusing on him when you saw him reach into his coat and pull out a handgun just in case you had been followed.

“When did you get a gun?” you asked, catching up to him and glaring up at him.

“I picked it up” he shrugged.

“Hand it over” you ordered, holding your hand out.

“No” Zemo answered as he glanced at you but kept walking.

“Yes. You’re a criminal, I’m not letting you have a gun” you stated the obvious as you came to a stop, grabbing his arm to stop him too. “Give me the gun” you demanded once more as he turned to you.

“If I don’t?” he asked, almost playfully.

“Are you…are you joking? Give me the damn gun” you thrusted your hand out towards him again.

“At least ask nicely” he chastised.

“…please?” you sighed, giving in.

This time he didn’t hesitate before placing the gun in your hand. “Very good” he praised before turning and continuing down the alley. You watched him in disbelief before continuing to follow him.

“You also didn’t warn me that it would get cold in Madripoor before parading me out here half dressed” you complained as you caught up with him again, a cool breeze blowing past you.

“I would not parade you around” Zemo stated sternly, almost like he was offended by the accusation. “And in my defence, I expected to be back in a car by now” he reminded you.

You just hummed in response, unimpressed with his excuse, while wrapping your arms around yourself for some extra warmth. The gun still in your hand since you had nowhere to put it.

“My apologies for not coming more prepared” he apologised as he came to a halt, causing you to stop too. Without another word, he slipped off his coat and held it out to you.

“Not necessary” you mumbled, shaking your head as you turned down the offer and walked past him.

As you passed him, Zemo carefully draped his coat over your shoulders. Not letting you go cold simply due to your stubbornness.

“Thank you” you still gave the Baron a small, grateful smile before slipping your arms through the sleeves, already feeling much warmer. His cologne lingered on the garment, making it all the more inviting, but you tried to ignore that feeling. Zemo returned your smile as the two of you continued navigating through the various alleyways.

Finally, you reunited with Sam and Bucky, where they had run into a familiar face. Sharon, you had heard of her but had never actually met her before. She took you to her place where you could stay for a little while, she also happened to be hosting a party of sorts that same night, so she offered to let you all change. Meaning you got to change out of the uncomfortable dress and into some black pants and a simple black top. Simple but enough to make you fit in. You had also changed out those flimsy heels for a more comfortable pair of boots.

“Ah, much better” you let out a sigh of relief as you walked into the room the others were sitting in.

“What is wrong with the dress? It looked good on you” Zemo questioned, taking in but still approving of your new look.

You gave him a sarcastic smile before realising he was the only one of you who hadn’t changed, but you guessed that he was the only one of you who was wearing his own clothes in the first place. “Are you not changing?” you asked him as you handed him his coat back.

“Should I?” he asked, gesturing to his own attire.

“…suits you” you shook your head, and you weren’t lying. He had certainly found a style that suited him.

Zemo smirked to himself as he placed the coat down and turned to pour two drinks, keeping one for himself while holding the other out for you.

“Hey, just leave her alone, alright?” Bucky warned him, obviously still on edge from your performance earlier.

You just laughed to yourself and accepted the drink, already becoming more comfortable around Zemo than you probably should be.

Sam managed to talk Sharon into helping you all out, she promised to look for information but in the meantime all you four had to do was enjoy the party.

When you joined the party, you had shared a drink with Sam and Bucky but at some point, the two of them ended up wandering off to explore by themselves. You remained at the bar, nursing your drink, and just enjoying being able to relax for a moment.

Sipping from your glass, you looked around the dance floor, watching the guests dance until your gaze landed on Zemo. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself, his dancing was awkward, but he seemed completely comfortable, not caring if anyone was watching him. But it didn’t seem like anyone was, all caught up in their own worlds. It was difficult to see this man as the criminal he truly was when he was dancing like…that. It just made you smile.

After a moment of watching him, he met your gaze, realising that you had been watching him. He only smiled and beckoned you over. Your eyes widened slightly, that just wasn’t a good idea, but he beckoned again as he continued to dance.

You contemplated it for a moment before finishing your drink, stepping down from the barstool and walking in his direction. You carefully pushed through the crowd until you reached the Baron. It might not have been a good idea, but you wanted to see how this went.

“Is this how all Barons dance?” you asked, speaking just loud enough for him to hear you over the music.

“Is there something wrong with the way I dance?” he asked, now pumping his fist in time with the music.

“You’re the lamest criminal mastermind I’ve ever met” you insulted him, but he didn’t seem to take it seriously, he just continued. “God, this is embarrassing” you laughed, shaking your head at him.

Zemo smiled at making you laugh before trying to draw you in, “then show me how you would dance.”

“Oh no, I don’t dance” you shook your head, quickly trying to get that idea out of his head.

“Apparently neither do I” he joked, making you bite back another smile, but this time he held his hand out for you.

You glanced down at his hand, like you were considering it, before looking around a little, like you were doing something wrong. Maybe you were.

“Worried that your friends will catch you? Worried about what they would think?” Zemo asked, noticing the way you glanced around.

You had to make your decision, so you did. “No” you answered, placing a hand in his to reaffirm your answer.

“Don’t worry, let’s just pretend that you’re still playing the role of my date. You do play it well, after all” he suggested, letting you step closer before actually placing a hand on your waist and pulling you closer.

“Careful, or I’ll turn you in” you threated, hoping he didn’t notice the slight pinkening of your cheeks, but still placed your hands on his shoulders when he released your hand.

“We’ll see” Zemo had a little smirk on his face as he slipped one hand around to sit on the small of your back, looking at you like he knew something that you didn’t. The action brought you a little closer, causing you to snake your arms around his neck. What could possibly be wrong with one dance?

The two of you were lost in the crowd, other guests shielding you from Sam or Bucky catching a glimpse of you both. Turns out, Zemo was holding out on you because he was apparently a much better dancer than he let on. You weren’t lying about not being a dancer, but you didn’t feel lost for a moment, because he guided you through it, moving with the music. If you were being perfectly honest, it was the most fun you had had in a long time. Which was strange considering the circumstances that brought you to Madripoor and the man who you were dancing with.

Unfortunately, your time at the party was cut short when Sharon came for you all. She had gotten some information and the location of Dr Nagel, and while that was very helpful, a part of you actually wished that you could have a moment longer with Zemo on the dancefloor.

Neither Sam or Bucky gave you a questioning look or anything, so you assumed that they hadn’t seen you together. And so, you all climbed into the car and headed to the location Sharon had heard about.

The four of you headed down into the secret lab while Sharon remained outside to keep lookout and fight off some of the bounty hunters that were still after you all. Inside the lab was the doctor you had been searching for and, with some persuasion, he had explained that Karli had taken all the remaining vials of serum with her and he had none left in the lab. Twenty vials to be exact, she had twenty vials and you had no way of knowing how many super soldiers she had already created with them.

That was when Sharon came running in, alerting you that you were running out of time and there where bounty hunters already outside. Before anyone could react, Zemo had pulled out a gun and shot the doctor, and then before anyone could do anything about it, the lab was attacked.

An explosion sent you all flying to the ground, hands scraping against the floor as you tried to soften your fall. Your vision slowly returned to you and you gathered your senses, looking around enough to see the flames that were engulfing the lab. A sense of panic set in as you pushed yourself off of the floor, looking around for any sign of the others.

You could see Sam, Bucky, and Sharon had been knocked down by the blast but they seemed to be alright as well, though you would all probably be rather bruised.

“Anybody see Zemo?” Sam asked with a slight groan as he lifted himself up.

You looked around the burning lab and managed to catch a glimpse of the Baron escaping. “I’ve got him!” you assured them as you climbed to your feet, lifting your arm to shield your face from the heat as you followed after him.

“Y/n” Sam and Bucky both called after you but you were already gone.

As you exited the lab, your ears were still ringing, and the blast had been disorientating. You couldn’t see where Zemo had gone, cursing yourself for losing him, but you readied your gun and kept your wits about you.

Movement on top of one of the shipping containers caught your attention, and you couldn’t help but feel a little sense of disbelief when you realised what you were looking at. It was Zemo, wearing a purple mask, with a gun in his hand. He aimed down from the container and shot a pipe that resulted in another explosion, you stepped back behind another shipping container to avoid the blast from it.

Peering around the container, you saw Zemo climbing down from the container he stood on to fight off a group of bounty hunters. He fought better that you thought he would, with skill and a certain amount of ease, and you hated this part of your brain but…it was kinda hot…

Tearing your gaze away from him, you noticed another bounty hunter rounding a corner and aiming their gun at Zemo. Before they could pull the trigger, you stepped out and shoot them. The gunshot got the Baron’s attention, making him turn to you.

Zemo approached you with a sense of urgency, placing a hand on your shoulder as he turned you around and escorted you with him.

“Where do you keep getting guns from?” you asked as he dropped his hand from your shoulder.

“I have an eye for them” Zemo shrugged, the mask hiding his facial expressions from you.

“We have to go back for the others” you told him, looking over your shoulder to see that the scene was out of sight.

“They will be fine” he assured you.

“We’re not leaving them” you insisted, beginning to turn on your heel.

“You’re right” Zemo caught your arm, stilling you. “Just trust me” it was a big ask considering his history, but you still nodded and turned back around, continuing to follow him.

Eventually, the two of you came to an open shipping container. Looking inside, you saw a car, either he had planned something like this, or he had incredible luck. Zemo removed his mask, putting it in his pocket, before the two of you climbed into the car.

“I would like to apologise for last night” Zemo spoke up as he started the car

“What for?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“For if I made you uncomfortable at all during our meeting with Selby, it was not my intention” he explained himself, pulling the car out of the unit.

“…you didn’t” you assured him honestly. A part of you wished that you had felt uncomfortable, that was how you were supposed to feel, but it wasn’t at all. You felt far too comfortable around him.

“Good” he nodded.

“We were just playing are parts” you added quietly but it sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself than him.

“Very convincingly, might I add” Zemo hummed, glancing over at you.

“You might not” you mumbled, making him smirk to himself.

Sam and Bucky watched as the car pulled up in front of them, Zemo in the driver’s seat and you in the passenger’s seat.

“Supercharged” Zemo smiled as he put the car in park, though the three of them seem less impressed with your arrival.

“I told you I had him” you grinned, earning a short look from the two men.

“You’re going back to jail” Sam threated Zemo.

“Do you want to find Karli or not?” the Baron asked with an exasperated sigh.

“He’s right. We need him. And there’s three of us, and at least twenty of them” Bucky pointed out.

“He’s been useful so far and he hasn’t run yet. Now, come on, get in” you nodded towards the backseat.

“Fine. But if you try that shit again…” Sam began to warn but was interrupted.

“Wouldn’t dream of it” Zemo assured him half-heartedly.

“Well, that was one hell of a reunion” Sharon commented as Sam and Bucky climbed into the backseats of the car.

“Come back to the States with us” Sam offered her.

“I can’t. Just get me that pardon you promised me” Sharon nodded before walking away.

“Thanks for everything” Sam called after her before getting more comfortable in the back of the car.

“I think you’re warming up to me” Zemo commenting, looking to you.

“I think you need to shut up and drive” you told him, putting a small smirk on his face before he complied and drove off.

Meeting the Baron Taglist:

@viviace​

(Just ask to be added!)

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. im sorry but wasn't it said fairly early even hades knew persephone was a fertility goddess? like everyone knew she was as a goddess of spring so shes also was also fertility, thats why ppl questioned her being in the maidens (bc obvs fertility is mainly sex in this universe 😑) so i dont get why it was retconned its some big secret and some rare OP status? like it was not built up and was a p clear example of rachel just making stuff up as she goes.

2. truly glad for the anti lo posts bc if not the lo tag is literally nothing but bad edits and weird spam posts. yall are the only ones keeping the tags alive. where are the fans tho 💀

3. why is everyone a joke in this comic

From OP: No clue lol

4. You know what still baffles me: how Hades is literally both the lawyer and one of the judges in this court thing. Like? It doesn’t even make sense?? Not to mention the fact that so far all Hades has done is make terrible points and Zeus and Poseidon have barely talked at all. Like is this a proper court or not? Bc if Hades can become both the lawyer and the judge then the other two judges should also counterargument him. The whole act of wrath of Artemis and Apollo. Why did Hades bring it up? Why didn’t Zeus say that Artemis and Apollo were defending their mom and actually told Zeus about the aow? Persephone and her mom literally did everything they could to cover it up??? What’s even funnier is how Hades is making it seem like Persephone is getting in trial for the aow itself when that’s farther from the truth. It’s literally bc she conspired against the kingdom or whatever. Literally covered up a murder. Had she and her mom gone to Zeus and told him that she killed a bunch of mortals bc they killed her friends Zeus wouldn’t even care at all. This whole thing was so unnecessary and it’s getting dragged for so long it’s just annoying 

5. The way Rachel sexualizes Persephone on literally every occasion physically hurts me. Like what the hell is your problem??? She's not only 19 and naive(ughhh i'm so sick that she's written that way) but she also was r**ed NOT SO LONG AGO. LIKE LITERALLY 3 WEEKS AGO. AND YOU SEXUALIZE THE SH*T OUT OF HER ALREADY THO SHE'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO HEALING AFTER HER TRAUMA. FU RACHEL

6. Seeing a LO stan call us 'misogynistic' because we only 'criticise the female characters' in the story is the funniest and dumbest shit i have ever read from the LO confession blog.

Maybe if RS didn't hate her female cast and didn't treat them more poorly then the male cast we wouldn't be discussing and pointing out so often how messed up and weird it is that she tore down their mythological character, their canon relationships, and passed off their symbols to her FL solely because none of them are allowed to stand out on their own without knocking her self-insert of a FL out from the spotlight.

Hell even her FL isn't safe from RS's horrible writing. Fact is, RS can't write for shit and has no respect for the goddesses (and gods) she's writing off of and we're just following on that lead in our comments. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

7. 182 is the worst chapter yet. Demeter who didn’t want her daughter dating a man her age that she doesn’t even like that much is framed as “abusive”. We already know Demeter doesn’t like Hades because hades even says all they do is argue, oh and comes to her farm piss drunk. Gee wonder why she doesn’t like the guy. She even tells Persephone she doesn’t trust the banks knowing hades owns them.

Persephone being mad her mom delt with him and then lying to her mom. The first chapters it seems that both characters don’t know each other then later they actually did meet and Persephone basically fell on him naked begging to bring souls back from the dead and leaves all embarrassed and calls that a genuine connection. Stfu, he was already very drunk. “Mom he’s not in love with me” y’all kissed how many times? He’s defending you to the depths of the earth even tho with his last gf he couldn’t even get his brother to remember her name and even thought about marrying her??! You’ve been living at his house?! Y’all talked about dates and asking about the fruit?! Persephone your mom wasn’t born yesterday! Idk I just hate how RS portrays Persephone being naive about hades with other characters. Persephone and hades kissed and then Persephone asks Minthe to help with her with her job and Minthe says something about the two of them dating and Persephone does “idk what you’re talking about but nothing is going on >:(“ stfu. Like you’re a sketchy entitled liar!

Hades, Hephaestus and Apollo exchanged. I’m guessing Hades found out then and not before about what Apollo has done but I thought he knew earlier with the quote “you’ve been terrorizing my wife for months!” I THOUGHT HE KNEW FROM THAT EXCHANGE! But no. Now I feel hades is possessive. Persephone told Apollo “we don’t talk about you” and she’s right we don’t see hades and p talk about Apollo, yet hades knows Apollo been terrorizing her. And then when he does find out he cracks a hotel.

Lastly Persephone “swipey thing”. Makes her sounds dumb, when we’re told over and over how smart she is. She’s been to a bank, she’s watched movies she knows what money is yet requests to be paid in diamonds. I swear RS just ruins her character. What is she other than a couple events, some one lines tied i a curvy baby bright pink highlighter. 

8. Lmao underage Persephone looks exactly the same (if not older) as present time Persephone. And on top of that, Rachel continues to sexualize her and the whole situation. Like in those panels in the newest episode where she talks to her mother about Hades being hella drunk, her dress looks like it's about to fall off her shoulders. And it's supposed to look like an ancient greek outfit? Does Rachel have any knowledge of what women wore at that time? 

9. Persephone's argument is so fucking stupid Jesus Christ. How does she think she made a "genuine connection" with a drunk man she met for 5 minutes max? Not only that, but they were both almost naked, Persephone was underage and she straight up just wanted to get info out of him about souls and how she could return them to the mortal realm. HOW does that count as a genuine connection? Rachel keeps forgetting her own story again and again.

Oh, and we're also supposed to hate Demeter for wanting to keep her underage daughter safe from drunk papa smurf. 😂

From OP for 8 & 9: Apparently, she was 19 when she met Hades. Doesn’t change much though.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. (fastpass spoiler) bro the panel where persephone's like "i want the underground" has me crying like LMAOOO why she got t-rex arms💀💀 she looks like a $3.99 creepy ass baby doll

[boxofbonesfic]

Pattycakes (Chapter 5)

Title: Pattycakes

Summary: Like they say, it really does just take one time... Patricia Hodgins knows that better than anyone. She’s got even worse luck when it comes to her child’s father: Billionaire playboy Thor Odinson. He’s selfish and manipulative; and Patty’s not sure which outcome frightens her more—killing him or letting him worm his way into her heart.

Pairing: Thor x Black OFC

Rating: Explicit

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4

Warnings: Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Mildly dubious consent, Breeding Kink, Age Difference (significant but not extreme), Stalking (light stalking though lol), Past Relationships, Class drama, Dad!Thor, Character improvement

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to move this chapter over here, I got kind of busy, and just was feeling bleh, but I’m here with the updates! 😂 

This is a work of FICTION, and it is Dark, so I assume once you’ve clicked through the link that you are comfortable with that. I do not give consent for my work to be copied, translated, or posted elsewhere, even if I am credited. This work is entirely mine, and unbeta’d, so read at your own risk! 😘

🍼

Chapter 5: Rock-a-bye

Thor’s secret gets out, and Patricia is forced to confront some hard truths.

“Mommy where my room?” Amelia’s excited squeal echoed loudly through the large apartment. She’d kicked her shoes off as soon as they arrived in the penthouse, bouncing excitedly around the open space. Thor had already called the movers—and paid them too. 

  He’d meant it when he’d told Patricia he didn’t want any more delays. And when he hadn’t heard from her, he’d decided to go straight to the source. Why argue with Patricia over texts when he could do it in person, staring down her low cut t-shirt as she fought against the inevitable? 

  There was little Thor had ever wanted that he hadn’t gotten, whether through privilege, or by simply taking it, and though he couldn’t explain it, he wanted…Patricia. Amelia. And if the only way he could get them was by exploiting Patricia’s fear that he might win a custody battle, Thor wasn’t above doing so.

  He’d been so close to fucking her right there in the kitchen—it probably wouldn’t have taken too much more convincing—but his daughter’s riotous giggles made him second guess the urge. Besides, it was better to only push one agenda at a time, and it was clear that having Patricia’s obedience would take more than idle threats. You caught more flies with honey, as the saying went. 

  “I don’t know baby. I think upstairs?” She asked, turning to look at Thor, who nodded. 

  “Yes. Come on, I’ll show you.” 

  Amelia scampered up the stairs, half crawling on her hands and knees. She ran the few feet to the first door, pointing as he came up behind her, eyes wide with excitement. “Dis one?!” He hoped Amelia liked her new room—he’d spent time poring over every furniture catalogue he could get his hands on, and though some things hadn’t come in yet, he was fairly confident that he’d done a good job. 

  “Yes, Amelia, this is your room now.” He reached past her to open the door, and Amelia shot inside just as Patricia came up the stairs and rounded the corner. There was a huge bay window on one side, and the stark white walls had been painted a soft yellow, with images of horses running all along it—he knew she liked horses, and had asked specifically for them to be included. The plain light fixture in the center of the ceiling had been replaced with a hanging moon and star. She didn’t have a bed, or furniture set up, though the pieces lay against the wall, waiting to be assembled. 

  “This is a nice room, Thor.” Patricia said tightly. He could see she meant it, even if it was grudging. It was substantially larger than the room she’d had in Patricia’s apartment—it was easily double it’s size, with room for a much bigger corner for Amelia’s books and bean bag. The view—which she would only come to appreciate when she was older—was nothing to sneeze at either. The city lay spread out before her like a picture, the fading afternoon sun painting the room even brighter gold And that wasn’t even mentioning the antique rocking horse he'd stationed in one corner, or drivable miniature car in the other. He hadn’t quite been able to curb the urge to shower her with gifts—make up for lost time. 

  “You should say thank you, Amelia.” Patricia instructed, sighing with resignation. “Jesus, is that a mini Maserati?” She muttered, cutting her eyes at him. 

  “Thank you,” She repeated dutifully. “Mommy, where my books?” She asked, looking around confusedly. Her brows furrowed as she looked between the two of them, waiting for an explanation. 

  “They’ll be here tomorrow, with everything else from the old apartment,” Thor answered. He knew, of course, that that meant they would be sleeping with him that night, but he didn’t mind the thought of it quite so much, so long as Patricia kept Amelia’s tiny fists and feet away from his head. Instead of being reassured, Amelia’s face crumpled further as her lip trembled. “You don’t have to worry about them, they’ll be here.” He meant for it to be an assurance, but he could tell it wasn’t taking. 

  “But I want them now!” She whined, peering up at him with watery eyes before turning to her mother as though she would get a different answer. “Mommy!”

  “They’re on the truck, Mels, like Thor said. Mommy can’t get them. You’re just going to have to be a big girl and get by with the books we have for tonight.” Patricia crouched down and tried to rub a soothing hand across Amelia’s cheek, but it seemed she wouldn’t be deterred, pushing her mother’s hand away fiercely. 

  “No, now!” She argued, her voice rising in volume until she was yelling. Patricia knelt in front of her, trying to calm her down, but it appeared too late for that. Thor grimaced. Thus far, all of his interactions with Amelia had been wonderful. She’d been very good on their walk to the store, holding his hand, and chattering at him quicker than he had time to process it. Now, however, her toffee colored cheeks were red with anger, and she rubbed her teary eyes as she stomped her foot. 

  “Amelia, enough.” He said sternly, crossing his arms. His voice was loud and authoritative, with the intent of stopping her fit in its tracks. This only served to incense her further, and she burst into tears, wailing loudly as she crumbled to the floor in a tantrum. Oh shit. Patricia heaved an exasperated sigh, and glared up at him

  “Real nice, Thor.” She muttered, picking the screaming toddler up and cradling her to her chest as she continued to cry and struggle. “Don’t yell at her like that.” She snapped, stroking Amelia’s hair. Thor wanted to interject that he hadn’t yelled at her, but he doubted that distinction would matter to his wailing daughter and her irritated mother. 

  “She didn’t nap today, we’ve been moving around a lot, it’s no wonder she’s feeling testy.” Patricia explained, rolling her eyes. Thor could tell there were more words she wanted to let loose, scathing ones that would likely set his own temper raging. Her tone made it clear she felt the information she was dispensing was obvious— To you, maybe. He groused inwardly. 

  Amelia whimpered in her arms, and she grimaced. “Where am we sleeping? I’m going to try and put her down for a nap, it’s the only thing that’ll stop this.” She said quietly, and Thor fought the wide grin that threatened to spread across his face. Patricia had requested her own room—a request Thor had not fulfilled. 

  “Your bed isn’t here yet either.” He replied smoothly, not bothering to keep the smug smirk off of his face. Patricia glared at him, tight lipped and marched past him back out into the hallway, likely heading for his bedroom. Thor couldn’t help but enjoy riling Patty up. He hadn’t changed many things there either, and he saw her stop and roll her eyes at his massive bed before crawling onto it and laying Amelia down. 

  Amelia was still sniffling, clinging tightly to her mother as she tried to extricate herself. “Mels, I’m just going to go get your bottle from the bag downstairs—”

  “No!” She sobbed, holding tighter. “No, no, mommy!” Patricia looked up at Thor helplessly. Amelia had graduated from attempting to push Patricia away to refusing to let go of her, wailing. 

  “Can you get the duffel bag from downstairs, please? I think I have a bottle all made up for her already.” 

  “A bottle? Patricia she’s three.” He said disbelievingly. He knew little about child rearing, it was true, but surely three was too old to still be drinking from a bottle, wasn’t it? The vitriol with which Patty was glaring at him, however, spoke otherwise. 

  “Yes, Thor. Three. ” Her voice carried an air of finality that made Thor bristle, and he opened his mouth to respond—but was cut off by Amelia’s loud sniffle. He turned on his heel and strode out of the room. The bag Patricia had mentioned was sitting by the steps, and upon opening it Thor saw that it was full of things for Amelia. Changes of clothes, small toys, snacks, and formula for toddlers. In one of the side pockets, he found a lidded sippy cup containing what he assumed was Amelia’s juice. 

  When he returned to his bedroom, Patricia was seated cross-legged in the center of the bed, rocking a still testy Amelia back and forth as she rubbed soothing circles on her back. The toddler eyed him suspiciously as he crawled onto the bed on his knees awkwardly, holding her bottle. “Here, Amelia.” He patted his lap, hoping to entice her into sitting with him while she drank it, but Amelia let out a distrustful little whine and fidgeted. 

  “Come on, Mels. Thor went and got your bottle for you, what do we say?” She looked down at the fussy child in her lap. Amelia scowled and threw a frustrated little fist at the bed beside them. “Amelia.” Patricia replied sternly. “What do we say?” 

  “...Thank you.” 

  “Okay. Now do you want to go sit—” Patricia’s voice was drowned out by an answering wail as Amelia shook her head so hard her hair flew around it wildly.

  “No, don’t wanna! No, mommy!” Patricia looked apologetically at Thor, who handed her the bottle without further argument. He couldn’t keep the angry look off of his face, however, and he heard Patricia swallow audibly. Amelia calmed instantly, holding the handles on either side of the bottle as her eyes grew lidded. Patricia continued to rock her slowly, patting her back when she let out a sad little hiccup. 

  Thor rose from the bed, his fists clenched tightly. Why? Why would she react so poorly to him? They’d been just fine the other morning when he’d taken her out to help him get breakfast. It just… didn’t make sense. Thor narrowed his eyes as he made his way back downstairs, and over to the liquor cabinet. It was late afternoon, but it wasn’t as though he had anything else to do. By the time Patricia joined him at the table, he’d downed two glasses of scotch already. 

  “Starting early?” She asked snippily as she sat down across from him, her lips pursed with distaste.

  “What are you telling Amelia about me?” He asked bluntly. Patricia’s mouth fell open in surprise and she sputtered. “She hates me.” The bitterness he’d been trying unsuccessfully to keep out of his voice dripped steadily from his words. What he wasn’t expecting, was a surprised peal of laughter from Patricia, who quickly clapped a hand over her mouth as her shoulders continued to shake. Thor gripped his glass tighter. “This is amusing to you?” He spat. “We’ll see how amusing it is when my—”

  “Yes, Thor, your lawyers.” Patricia snorted. “You’re this upset because your daughter had a tantrum? Newsflash, Thor: you’re a stranger. ” He bristled at this, but Patricia rolled her eyes and continued. “Amelia doesn’t know you . It takes time to build that kind of relationship. You can’t buy it,” She replied pointedly. 

  Thor took another angry sip of his drink. He knew it was silly to expect her to latch onto him like she clearly did Patricia, but he still couldn’t help the burning jealousy that threatened to overwhelm him. In his mind, it was even less fair because Amelia hadn’t had the time or the choice to get to know him. 

  “I’m not telling her bad things about you, Thor.” Patricia said softly, reaching out to touch the back of his hand. “I promise.” He studied her face for a moment, looking for the lie—but found none. He hadn’t realized how much he really wanted her to stare at him with the same adoration until he’d found she didn’t. A

  He drained his glass and sighed. “I suppose I just… She’s my daughter too,” He replied, somewhat petulantly. Patricia nodded. 

  “She is, I’m not denying that.” Any more. “She’ll come around, Thor. You just have to be patient. Amelia’s a sweet kid, I’m sure…” Patty sighed long-sufferingly. “I’m sure she’ll love you in no time.” Surprisingly, Patricia’s platitudes did make him feel just a little better. Were it Idunn, she’d be sulking until he bought her something shiny and expensive. Patricia cleared her throat. “Can we talk about my bed?” 

  Thor rolled his eyes. Here we fucking go. “It’s not here yet.” He lied smoothly, declining to mention the fact that he hadn’t ordered it. It had been nice waking up with Patricia and Amelia, and even better to fall asleep with Patty’s body fitted so snugly into the hollow of his own. 

  “Thor, please. Let’s not play this game. I can buy it myself if you’re feeling too prickly about it.” Thor furrowed his brow at her jab.

  “I can afford a bed for you.” He scoffed. 

  “So what, you just don’t want to?” She snapped. “I meant it when I said we should be focusing on Amelia. Isn’t that the whole reason you’re doing all...this?” 

  Patricia was half right. He did want to involve himself in his daughter’s life, and he did want to be present for her. At the same time, the virulent desire to punish Patricia for her transgressions remained. Along with it, was the strange urge to have her wholly and completely to himself. He understood it about as well as as he cared to—Thor was more in the habit of assuaging his desires than he was into examining them. 

  “I’m doing this, Patricia,” he said smoothly, grasping her hand in his own and stroking his large thumb over her knuckles. “Because you owe me.” He could see the indignation and anger on her facial features. “Because you took something from me that I can never replace.” He would never see Amelia learn to walk, or to talk, there was no amount of money that would rewind the years for him. 

  “Thor, I—”

  “You what, Patricia?” He asked, bringing her hand up to his lips. He felt her shudder at the contact. 

  She snatched her hand from his to point at him accusingly. “Look. I’m not doing this with you, Thor. I said I would come here so that… so that you wouldn’t take her from me, not so that you could make me into a housepet!” Thor gritted his teeth. Brute force had always worked well for him, but he kept butting up against seemingly impenetrable walls when it came to Patricia. It would be much harder to force her hand with Amelia around, he knew. Perhaps it was time to employ the same technique he had with Stark—give just a little, to get a whole lot more. 

He wanted Patricia—wanted her as often as he could have her with as little resistance as possible. 

  “Fine.” He’d caught her mid-sentence, and Patricia sputtered, the steam going out of her in her surprise. 

  “I—what?” 

  “I said fine. I’ll have something here in an hour.” He sent off an irritated text to one of his many “assistants”, instructing them to pick up a queen sized bed from the closest Pottery Barn—it didn’t matter what it looked like, Patricia wouldn’t be using it very long if he had his way. And Thor Odinson usually had his way.

  “Oh.” She looked at him suspiciously. “Really? I-I can pay for it myself,” She said again, and Thor shook his head. 

  “I’ll take care of it. I told you I would, so I will.” Patricia’s trust— and her compliance— wouldn’t come easily. 

  When Clint finally came by with the movers, Patricia was almost as excited as Amelia, bouncing on her toes as they unloaded the bed. They set everything up easily, and when Thor brought a set of sheets for her, she was laying in the center with her legs dangling off of the side. She sat up to look at him quizzically. 

  “Thank you, Thor.” She said grudgingly. “I… Just...thanks.” 

  “You’re welcome, Patricia.” He deposited them on the edge of the bed, and for a moment, he found himself tempted to tug her forward for a kiss—but dismissed it. That wasn’t the relationship they had. He watched her struggle with the bedspread for a few amusing minutes before crossing the hallway back into his own room. Amelia was still sleeping soundly in the center of his bed, snoring softly. Patricia had surrounded her with pillows, which Amelia had prompt spread out over, her arms and legs sticking out at awkward angles. 

  In spite of himself, Thor smiled. Adorable. It had been a long day for her, waking up early to pack as many boxes as they could, and then sitting in the car while Patricia and Thor sniped back and forth at one another. No wonder she was tired and cranky. Maybe Patricia was right. He sat down on the bed gingerly, careful not to disturb her too much. It really was amazing, how much she looked like both of them. She wrinkled her nose in her sleep, and Thor grinned. 

  “Real cute when she sleeps, isn’t she?” Patricia asked quietly from behind him. She’d clearly bested the fitted sheet, and was now standing next to the bed, quietly observing their daughter alongside him. “Sometimes I can’t believe I made her.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her raise an unconscious hand to her stomach. Unexpected bitterness filled him—-he’d missed that as well. 

  “Did you… I mean, did you always want….” Thor trailed off, unsure of how to ask. If he’d been in her position, he couldn’t say he’d have kept a baby. Unmarried, fresh out of school… For the first time, Thor fleetingly thought about what it must have been like for her. Had her parents supported her? Had they been disappointed? He swallowed thickly at the thought; the weight of Odin’s disappointment was often crushing. 

  “Did I want an abortion?” Patricia asked, and for the first time when their eyes met, there was no anger or hurt in them. “At first, yeah.” She admitted. “But I couldn’t… I couldn’t go through with it. I kept making the appointments and missing them.” Her voice was quiet. Thor didn’t really know anything about her pregnancy—he’d never bothered to even ask. “And then I was a month and a half pregnant, and by then I knew she wasn’t going anywhere.” 

  Thor felt another pang of jealousy. He’d never gotten to see her pregnant, to go to ultrasounds or feel the baby kick. Would I have gone if I’d known? He shook his head. It didn’t matter what he would have done—because he’d never gotten the chance to do it. He wondered if she’d known the baby’s gender before the birth or after. 

  Patricia moved forward, leaning past him to reach for Amelia. She fussed a little, but Amelia hushed her, cradling her in her arms as she fell quickly back asleep. 

  “Thank you again for the bed, Thor.” Her thanks were earnest.

  He heard her door close behind him, and her footsteps faded.

  —

  The next morning, Thor was woken from sleep by the smell of food cooking. He didn’t usually keep the fridge or pantry particularly well stocked, considering he ate out for almost every meal. He frowned, before padding blearily down the stairs. He didn’t normally work Mondays—a caveat of his long weekends, usually spent drinking more alcohol than he cared to remember. It was early for him—before eight—and he rounded the corner into the open kitchen.

  Sausage?

  Patricia was standing in his kitchen, flipping sausage links in a pan while Amelia chattered at the breakfast bar, swinging her legs wildly. 

  “Door! Mommy, Door is here!” She pointed at him, her eyes wide. Thor was tired and he’d woken up feeling particularly cranky, but Amelia was as chipper and excitable as always, paying little heed to his sour mood. Patricia turned to look at him over her shoulder, and Thor felt his mood worsen as she raised a judgmental eyebrow at him. He was tempted again to take her to task, wipe the smug look from her pretty face and make her beg —but Amelia was all too present. 

  “I see him, Mels. What do we say? Good morning, Thor.” Patricia instructed, looking over her shoulder first at Amelia, and then at him. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt, her legs and feet bare. Her curly hair was piled messily on top of her head, and round glasses that Thor had never seen her wear before were perched on the edge of her slightly upturned nose. 

  “Good morning, Patricia. Gone grocery shopping, I see.” He said, and she snickered. 

  “Someone had to, this house was emptier than a Mets game.” She replied without missing a beat, glancing at him over her shoulder. 

  “Goo’ Mornin!” Amelia chirped, turning to smile brightly at him, all yesterday’s animosity completely forgotten. She whirled back to her mother, her mouth going a mile a minute. “Mommy I have school today?”

  “Of course you have school today, Mels. It’s Monday. You have to go to school, and Mommy and Thor have to go to work,” She explained. Patty muttered something Thor didn’t quite catch, though he could parse out the phrase “real work” from her grumbling. He felt ire rise in his chest, but he calmed himself. 

  Long con. You’re playing the long con.  

  Patricia brought over a small, colored plastic plate with Amelia’s blunted cutlery on it, and began cutting up her food when Thor stopped her. 

  “I’ll do it. You get ready.” He said, watching her narrow her eyes suspiciously at him. She didn’t fight him on it in front of Amelia, relinquishing the fork and knife wthout a fight. 

  “Oh. Um, okay. Thank you?” It came out as a question, and Thor nodded his head graciously. Patricia lingered for a moment, puttering around the kitchen as she watched them out of the corner of her eye. 

  “You go to work?” Amelia asked him curiously as she chewed. 

  “You should wait until you’re done chewing to talk to people, Amelia. But yes, I’m going to work today.” She chewed thoughtfully, still swinging her little legs. She swallowed before speaking again. “Like your mother.” 

  “Where?”

  “Um. I work in the same building as your school, Amelia. My father owns it.” Her eyes widened, and Thor was surprised by the spark of pride he felt in his chest at her amazed expression. If only your mother was as easily impressed. He continued to cut up her eggs, and sliced the sausage into little pieces. 

  “Wow!” He held the fork out for her, and Amelia grasped it with clumsy fingers. “I like school.” Thor had never really… spoken to a child before. Things he found obvious were completely new to her, but he found the glow in her eyes as she discovered new information to be strangely precious. 

  “What, er… what are you learning in school?” He asked, taking a bite of his own food. Good.  

  “Show and tell! I like show and tell,” Amelia bounced in her seat. “And shapes! Dass a square,” She replied proudly as she pointed at one of the pictures on the wall. Thor heard the shower start upstairs, indicating that Patricia for now, at least, couldn’t interfere. Amelia puffed her little chest out, and Thor got the indication that he was supposed to be impressed, and acted accordingly. 

  “Wow!” He replied in a booming voice, enjoying it when she slapped her tiny hands over her mouth as she giggled. “You’re so smart!” Amelia preened—she was a proud little thing, and it reminded him of himself. There were other similarities, ones he kept noticing the longer he was around her. Her stubbornness, the squared set of her jaw. It was more obvious than ever that Amelia was his— How Patricia thought she could deny the obvious is beyond me. Though he knew Patricia would frown on this line of questioning, she wasn’t there to object. “Amelia, can you tell me about your family?” 

  “Mommy!” She chirped, and Thor nodded, smiling. 

  “Very good. Who else is in your family?” He asked patiently, stroking her head affectionately, testing a loose curl between his fingers. It was looser than her mothers, but still just as soft. 

  “Gramma, and Gampa,” She said slowly, her face screwing up slightly as she thought. “Auntie Wanda! And ‘Merica!” She still hasn’t told her. Thor kept his displeasure off of his face, though it wasn’t easy. Of course Patricia hadn’t told Amelia yet—it was clear her goal was to drive him away before it ever mattered. But Thor was just as, if not more, stubborn than she was, and it would take more than that to keep him from his daughter, now that he knew he had one. the 

  “And what about your father? Daddy?” He asked, and Amelia furrowed her brows in confusion. “Where is he?” 

  “I don’t… I don’t know,” she grimaced. She was fidgeting, glancing all around the room as she frowned. She sniffled, and Thor cursed inwardly. It seemed like this was something Amelia had never really questioned before. He hadn’t meant to upset her, only gauge what she thought. 

  “Mels, what’s wrong?” Patricia’s worried voice came from behind him. Thor turned to see her, a towel wrapped around her body and her hair damp and dripping. “Thor, why is she so upset?” Amelia hopped down from the breakfast bar and ran over to her mother, attaching herself to one of her legs as Patricia glared at him accusingly. 

  “Thor, I was gone ten minutes! ” She hissed. “She looks like she’s about to cry!” It was true, Amelia didn’t really have the words to communicate her confusion, and it was making her upset. Amelia looked tearfully up at her mother. 

  “Mommy, where is Daddy?” 

  ———

  Patricia fumed the entire way to work, and had to fight from cursing when the Asgard building came into view. Amelia bounced excitedly; ready for school, her previous upset already forgotten. 

  “Where is daddy?”

  Patricia had sputtered at her question. Of course Amelia knew about families—they had at least two books about them, packed away in boxes somewhere. She knew about parents, and siblings, but… Patricia had been careful. She made it clear who Amelia’s family was—grandmother, grandfather, her. America and Wanda too—but not Thor. And when Amelia had looked up at her and asked that seemingly simple question, Patricia had been caught between a rock and a hard place. 

  She’d scowled at Thor, whose attempt at placid innocence would have been laughable had it not been painstakingly clear that he was the one who had set Amelia on this course of thought in the first place. Patty wanted to scream—why was he doing this? Was it just to torture her? Had she really done so wrong by keeping her pregnancy from him? Her mind was going around and around in circles, each thought biting the tail of the last. Maybe it had been cruel and selfish, but his current behavior made her feel fairly justified in doing so. 

  He’d been successful in forcing her between a rock and a hard place. If she lied, he would he angry—Patty had swallowed thickly at the thought of his ire. And if she told the truth, there was no way Amelia would be in any shape to go to school today. 

  “He’s… it’s complicated, Amelia. You have a dad, sweetheart.” That reassurance seemed to satisfy her daughter’s worry, and her lip stopped trembling, though she wasn’t quite as bouncy as she had been when Patricia had gotten her up for breakfast just a short while before. Thor hadn’t come with her to drop Amelia off, apparently satisfied with the chaos he’d already managed to sow at seven thirty in the morning. I want to wipe that smug look off his disgustingly handsome face.

  It wasn’t the thought itself that made Patricia start as she ushered Amelia into daycare, but the unnecessary descriptor she’d attached to it without meaning to. Of course Thor was handsome… Her cheeks flamed. 

  “Sorry, we’re a little late this morning,” She said quietly, watching Amelia skip forward past the reception desk and over to one of the small learning areas where other children were being read to as they sat quietly. The receptionist shrugged. 

  “No problem, Miss Hodgins. We’ll see you at pick-up.” 

  The rest of Patty’s day was a blur of activity—sorting new art, returning phone calls. She completed each task mindlessly, her thoughts scattered elsewhere. How do I tell her? The time was rapidly approaching when she would no longer be able to conceal who exactly Thor was to Amelia, and if she didn’t want her daughter to resent her forever, she needed to figure out the best way to do so. 

  Patricia bitterly found herself wondering how Thor would continue to punish her when he could no longer hold Amelia’s hidden parentage over her head—no doubt he would find something. Suddenly, her mind conjured the image of Thor reading to Amelia, her tiny body tucked beside his on the bean bag, bright eyes watching him with rapt attention. In spite of everything, Patricia felt herself melt, just a little. At the very least, it was amusing to watch him attempt to keep up with their daughter’s rapid fire questions, ever changing moods, and seemingly never-ending well of energy. 

  “Patricia, we’ve got some Klein pieces being delivered this evening, do you think you could stay an extra hour or two?” One of the other consultants was poking his head into the back office when she looked up, a pleading expression on his face. “Peggy’s leaving early to take the Judas to the MET for the opening tonight, and I have to go with her to help. You’re the only one who’ll still be around.” 

  Patricia liked Peter Quill well enough as a coworker, and though they were relatively close in age, she often found him just a tad scatterbrained, not to mention immature. Patricia glanced up at the clock—only twenty minutes before the gallery closed. She’d only been working there a few weeks, not long enough to have a standing relationship with anyone. Peter had been there for years—an expert at appraisals. Saying no to him could have consequences. Patricia swallowed nervously. She’d be cutting it close to pick up Amelia, but…

  “Um, sure. I think I can stay. How many pieces are we expecting? Evelynne didn’t say.” 

  He grinned charmingly at her. “You’re a lifesaver, Patty.” Patricia waved him off, shaking her head. “No, seriously. I’m the idiot who double-booked myself.” He joked self-deprecatingly, jerking his thumb in his own direction. “Just two. Delivery guy said they’d probably be here before five.” 

  “No worries, Peter. My pleasure.” Peter crossed the room in two long strides, sweeping Patricia up in a bear hug. She squeaked with surprise, before awkwardly returning the gesture. He released her after a moment, and as Patricia was smoothing her skirt, he leaned against the desk. 

  “Let me repay you. Dinner? Drinks? On me.” 

  “Peter… I don’t really know, I mean you really don’t have to,” she sputtered. He was handsome, funny… But Patty wasn’t one to date her coworkers. Peter held his hands up placatingly. 

  “Totally platonic, I promise,” He replied evenly, lifting his hand to draw an “x” over his heart. “Scouts honor. There’s a couple of us going, a couple of the other consultants, Drax and Gamora. Plus, you know, boss lady’ll be there too.” Patricia felt her shoulders practically sag with relief. She didn’t know if she could take another presence in her close personal life right now—between Amelia and Thor, there wasn’t much of Patricia left to go around if she was being honest. As much as she disliked the father of her child, she couldn’t deny that he occupied more space than she wanted to allow, both physically and in her thoughts. 

  “Well I hope you’re an honorable scout, because I could definitely use a drink. How’s Friday?” She asked, and he nodded. 

  “Be prepared to be serenaded, Drax gets very romantic when he’s drunk. Thanks again, Patty!” He replied, before heading back out of the storeroom. It would be nice to have a night away from Amelia that didn’t included getting the crap grilled out of her by Thor—it would be a welcome respite. 

  Patty finished up her cataloguing, and then headed back to the front desk to wait for the delivery. Johann Klein was no small name in their gallery—a small, Sokovian artist who had gained international fame when his work was featured in a cultural exhibit at the Louvre. No coincidence that he was Wanda’s favorite artist, as a fellow Sokovian—even if she’d been in the states since she was ten. 

  P: We’re getting some Klein pieces in tonight, thought you might want to know so you could come see them, fangirl

  Wanda responded to Patricia’s ribbing almost instantly. 

  W: 🙄 not responding to that. OOOOOOH!! I’ll be there. When’s the gallery open until??? I wanna see! 

  P: We’re closed for the night but we’re open late Thursday. I’ll bring your child, she’s been dying to see you

  W: it’s a date 😘

  It was only half past four, and Patricia amused herself by scrolling on her phone until after five, when she began to feel a little impatient. The daycare closed at six, and while there was no hard rule about pick-up time, Patricia knew that it was likely Amelia wouldn’t have many other children to play with by now, if any were left at all.  Fuck. If she’d still been in Long Island, it wouldn’t have been difficult to have her mother or father pick Amelia up, but it would take over an hour to drive in during rush hour traffic, and Amelia certainly couldn’t wait that long. 

  The last thing Patricia wanted to do was call Thor, but there weren’t many options. As the clock struck half past five, Patricia sighed in defeat, before reluctantly tapping Thor’s contact info. She’d saved his name under Asshole , with several cursing emojis after it. It was childish, but it still made her giggle just a little before she pressed the call button. 

  It rang once, twice, three times before being silenced, and Patricia was abruptly sent to voicemail. She narrowed her brows. Did he just… screen my call? Pursing her lips, Patricia tried again. 

  It took three more calls before Thor’s irritated voice boomed out of the receiver. 

  “What?” He snapped. Patricia could hear what sounded like rustling, and a quiet, feminine giggle, and she rolled her eyes and clenched her jaw. “I’m… in the middle of something.” 

  Balls deep in some one , more like. Patricia didn’t like the spark of jealousy that burned on her tongue as she spoke. 

  “I need you to pick Amelia up from school, Thor.” She said quietly. “I had to stay late at work, and I’m worried I won’t be there by the time they need to close at six.” She heard Thor snort. 

  “I’m busy. ” Another little laugh. The woman said something too quiet to hear, and Patricia could hear movement. 

  Patty knew it probably wasn’t wise to push him. She’d been on the receiving end of his ire since they’d reconnected, and she wasn’t stupid. Patricia knew that she’d only experienced a small portion of his wrath, and was loath to see him follow through on all of his idle threats. But Patricia’s maternal instincts had already begun kicking in, and she wasn’t about to back down now, not when her daughter needed him. 

  “You don’t just get to be a parent when it’s fucking fun, Thor!” She shouted, slamming her hand against the desk so hard she knew he had to have heard it through the phone. “Amelia is alone at daycare, and she needs her father to come get her! If this isn’t what you wanted, you should have left us in fucking Canarsie, we were doing fine without you!” She seethed, her heart racing. She was prepared for the barrage of condescending insults, but he only levied a heavy sigh at her after a few seconds of silence. 

  “I’ll be there.” 

  Patricia ended the call without saying anything further. Her pulse was still racing, her blood roaring in her ears. This was only a small victory, but Patricia felt the pleasure course through her just the same. It was ten to six when the delivery men finally got there, and after six thirty when Patricia had finished logging the paintings into the system, and locked them away safely in the vault all the way at the back of the gallery. 

  She didn’t bother with the train that evening, and simply called a taxi back to Thor’s luxurious apartment. Patricia wondered if she would ever think of it as home. Thor had all the taste of a rich, urban socialite, and though his apartment was gorgeous , it wasn’t… homey, or welcoming. It was cold and impersonal—a perfect reflection of its owner. He hadn’t responded as to whether he’d picked Amelia up or not, but as it was almost seven, she assumed he had. 

  The lobby was almost as sparse and minimal as Thor’s apartment, and the security guard eyed her suspiciously as she fumbled with the card key for the penthouse elevator. I know I don’t belong here either, buddy, Patricia thought bad naturedly as she punched the “close door” button harder than she needed to. When she finally reached the top, the doors slid open and her ears were immediately assailed with Amelia’s excited shrieks. 

  Yep, he got her alright. Patty kicked her shoes off, and padded towards the sounds with stockinged feet. Thor and Amelia were in the living room, and from the looks of things, it had only taken her just over an hour to utterly destroy his simple, clean living space. There were some boxes piled up against the distant walls, indicating that the movers had already dropped their things off. Patricia was surprised to see Amelia’s bean bag at the end of the sleek sectional couch. Patricia took the two short steps down into the sunken living area, peering around. As she observed, Amelia’s head popped up from the other side of the couch, and she shrieked upon seeing her mother, covering her mouth and ducking down again. 

  “Mommy’s here!” She whispered excitedly, her still too-loud voice carrying easily. Thor’s deep answering chuckle made Patricia’s belly do a strange flip-flop. 

  “Is she? Okay, we’re going to jump in three, two—” Thor stood from behind the couch, Amelia clutched in his arms. “Surprise!” Amelia laughed, clamoring out of Thor’s grip and scampering across the rug to slam into Patty’s legs. 

  “Mommy! Mommy, Door came to my school!” She said excitedly, pointing back towards her father. Patricia snorted, before covering her growing smile with her hand. Thor was wearing Amelia’s fairy wings, which were hilariously small on him, and she’d given him the wand that accompanied the costume as well. 

  “I see that! Did you have a good day at school?” She asked sitting down as Amelia clamored into her lap. Amelia began chattering instantly, and Patricia watched Thor settle not too far away, putting the glittery wand down on his once pristine coffee table. 

  “I paint today, mommy!” She said excitedly, showing Amelia her finger-paint stained hands. “And, and, and we play games,” She said seriously, watching Patricia nod as she listened. The living room looked like an Amelia bomb had gone off in it—there were several of her books littering the floor and sitting on the couch, along with at least four toy horses that Patricia could count, and probably what were the entire contents of the dress-up chest that her grandmother had gotten her this past Christmas. 

  Thor looked completely exhausted, though Patty didn’t blame him—it was clear Amelia had extra energy tonight, and it was going to be an uphill battle getting her to settle down, this Patricia knew from experience. She couldn’t help but giggle as Thor’s head sagged back against the couch cushions. 

  “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go play, and Mommy will start dinner?” Patricia asked, watching as Amelia considered her options. Patricia kissed her head, and bundled the little girl off of her lap. It looked like Amelia and Thor had had a go at quite a few of the boxes, and she tore through one of them, pulling out even more toys. Patricia looked over at Thor, who was regarding her silently. 

  “I assume everything went okay at school,” She said, and he waited a moment before shrugging. 

  “I wasn’t on the approved guardians list, but I smoothed that over.” Patricia winced—she’d forgotten to add him to the list of people allowed to pick Amelia up from school. She’d been meaning to do it, and just kept forgetting. It hadn’t helped either that she was still holding out hope that he would grow bored of this game and release them. 

  “Damn. Sorry.” Thor raised a skeptical eyebrow, but Patricia gestured placatingly with her hands. “Really, I didn’t… that wasn’t on purpose, Thor.” Patricia reached up to loosen the bun she’d had her hair in all day, massaging her scalp and running her fingers through her curls. “I’m glad they let you take her. What did you tell them?” She asked, cocking her head. 

  “I told them I was her father.” He said simply, and Patricia’s cheeks heated as she was reminded of her earlier thoughts. She glanced up to see if Amelia had heard, but the little girl was far too busy making her horses fight one another to listen to their boring adult conversation. 

  “Of-of course.” She said tightly. She rose from the couch, and she could feel Thor’s eyes on her like physical weights, dragging down her form. “I’m going to go change.” It was clear her earlier assumptions had been correct—the movers had already dropped off their things. It seemed like Thor had already unpacked and set up most of Amelia’s room; her four poster bed sat against the wall, across from the huge window seat on the adjacent wall. Her bookshelf was put up, and while not all of her books were on it, many of them were. Her beanbag was downstairs, and so were a couple of her other things, but… It gave Patricia a warm feeling in her chest to think that Thor had gone through the trouble of setting up Amelia’s room. 

  He probably paid someone else to do it. She thought snarkily, before heading to her own room to slide into a comfortable pair of leggings and a cropped tee. Thor was waiting for her in the hallway. 

  “I saw Amelia’s room,” She said softly. “Did you… I mean, you hired someone, right?” She asked, and he shook his head. Patricia couldn’t help it when her mouth fell open just a little, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. Thor didn’t particularly strike her as the manual labor type. 

  “A labor of love,” He said dryly. “Though I did consider it.” The laughter bubbled out of Patricia before she could stop herself. She felt a little bad—it was clear Thor was attempting to connect with Amelia, and establish a relationship. Patricia sighed. 

  “Thank you. For picking her up, I mean.” Patty said awkwardly. Even though I had to practically beg you to do it. “I see she hasn’t destroyed too much of your apartment.” 

  “Yes, well… It’s all part of the job, right?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s your apartment too, Patricia.” He reminded her. She couldn’t help the little scowl that played on the edges of her lips at his words—of course he would say that, even though he’d bullied her into being here. 

  “Yeah. It is, I guess.” She said slowly. 

  Amelia was still playing when they came back downstairs, and hardly seemed to notice their absence as she made her plastic horses gallop all over the backs of the furniture. Patty headed to the kitchen, before beginning to search through the fridge for something to cook. She could feel Thor’s presence lingering nearby. He was seated at the dining room table, where he could easily watch both her, and Amelia, though his attention was clearly on the latter. Patty couldn’t help stealing glances, letting out an amused chuckle as their daughter climbed up into the chair beside him and began chattering away. 

  It was good to see he could be patient, even if he had a long way to go. Patty was in the process of cleaning up their hasty dinner when the shrill sound of the door buzzer went off, startling her. She dropped the lid of the pot with a loud CLANG , her hand flying to her chest. Thor looked equally surprised, knitting his brows together as their eyes met. 

  “Expecting company?” Patricia asked, bending to pick up the fallen cookware. He shook his head, putting down the book he’d been reading to Amelia. 

  “Not that I know of.” He rose to his feet, hushing Amelia gently when she whined that he’d stopped. The buzzer rang again impatiently, and Thor strode across the living room and down the entry hall to the elevator. Patty knew from experience that there were only two ways to get up to the penthouse—either with a personalized card key, or the be sent up by the doorman. Clearly this was the latter. Patty poked her head around the corner, watching curiously as Amelia clung to her legs. 

  “Who at the door, Mommy?” She asked impatiently, tugging on Patricia’s arm. She could only shrug. Thor punched the open button, and a tall, willowy blonde stepped out, poking her finger into Thor’s chest. She reminded Patty of a barbie.

  “What the fuck, Thor?” She shrilled. “You said later four hours ago,” She whined, pressing herself against his surprised, rigid form and curling a lock of his golden hair around her finger. Patricia’s jaw dropped open in shock. No fucking way. The blonde brought her hands to his shoulders, but Thor seemed to get his bearings, and caught her wrists in one large hand. Patricia scooped Amelia into her arms, hushing her when she fretted. 

  “It’s… not a good time, Idunn,” He said harshly, glancing over his shoulder at Patty and Amelia. The woman— Idunn?— cast a disparaging glare in the direction Thor had looked, and her eyes first widened in shock as they met Patricia’s, and then narrowed in rage. She shoved her way past a shocked Thor and stalked over to the kitchen, where Patricia hurriedly backed away, still holding Amelia. 

  “Who the fuck is this? ” She asked, stomping an expensive heel against the hardwood flooring. Amelia whimpered at the yelling, and Patricia frowned. She rounded on Thor, pointing a manicured finger accusingly at Patty. “Who is she?! ” 

  “I’m right here,” Patricia muttered, stroking Amelia’s head soothingly. “And who are you?” She asked pointedly, refusing to be cowed. Idunn squinted at Amelia, her gaze traveling from her, to Patricia, to Thor, and then back to Amelia again. A knowing smirk appeared on her lips. 

  “Go play in your room, baby.” Patty muttered. Perhaps she could feel her mother’s ire, or sense the quickly escalating situation between the three of them, but Amelia obeyed instantly, and Patricia waited until she was gone from sight to raise an accusatory finger at the other woman. “You barge in here, yelling, scaring my daughter,” She snapped, grimacing when Thor got between the two of them. “I don’t know what you’re thinking is going on here, but it definitely isn’t.” 

  Idunn sneered at her, raking her eyes over Patricia’s plain leggings, and t-shirt, her lip curling. It was obvious that Patty was being judged—and found wanting. Her curly hair was pulled into a loose messy bun, in extreme contrast to the loose, blonde waves that Idunn clearly spent a great deal of time cultivating. Thor couldn’t have found a more opposite set of women if he tried. Patricia knew she wasn’t Thor’s… typical type, but with what amounted to a super model in front of her, she was forced to take stock. 

  “Idunn, calm down,” Thor replied harshly, placing a hand on her shoulder. She threw his hand off, continuing to glare menacingly at Patty. “You’re making a scene, I can explain—” Idunn cut him off, her offended gasp silencing him. 

  “ I’m making a scene?” She shrieked loudly, throwing her hands into the air. “You’re here playing house with the goddamn help , and I’m making a scene? Does Odin know about your fucking charity case?” Patricia’s mouth dropped open, rage beginning to boil in her gut. It didn’t matter who Idunn was, no one talked about her daughter that way. Before she could speak, however, Thor grasped Idunn’s wrist tightly in one hand, and she winced, struggling against his grip. 

  “I want you to think very carefully about the next thing you say, Idunn. You will not speak about my child like that.” Idunn opened her mouth to speak, but Thor didn’t let her. “You show up to my home unannounced and uninvited, and then have the nerve …” Thor flexed his other hand, clenching it tightly. 

  “So she is yours,” Idunn breathed, using his momentary lapse to snatch her hand away. “My father will never let you marry me now,” She gloated, crossing her arms and staring down her nose at a fuming Patricia. “Not when you’re indisposed. ” 

  Surprisingly, Thor emitted a deep chuckle. “Idunn, I was never going to marry you.” She sputtered at this, and he squared his shoulders, peering down intimidatingly at her. It was hard to stand up to him when he did that, and Patricia found herself feeling just a little bad for Idunn; having to face him down. “Leave. Before I call your father and tell him you’re panting after me like a bitch in heat.” 

  Idunn recoiled as though she’d been slapped, turning and marching out of the apartment. The elevator dinged, signaling she was gone, and Thor’s shoulders sagged as he clapped a hand to his forehead, cursing. 

  “God fucking dammit.”

  Patricia let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “Girlfriend?” She asked dryly, pursing her lips. Who was Odin? And…why wouldn’t he know about her and Amelia? It was clear they had an intimate relationship—why else react so poorly to Patricia’s presence? Thor turned to scowl at her, shaking his head. 

  “Something like that.” 

  Patricia found herself wondering what their relationship actually was, how close they were. Her thoughts turned back to the other night, and she felt even more uneasy. They’d had sex not that long ago… Patricia pinched the bridge of her nose. She was the “other woman”. 

  Great. 

  “You know, it would have been good to know you were seeing someone before you fucked me,” She snapped, stalking over to the fridge. She pulled the door open, grabbing a bottle of wine from the door and then slammed it back shut. “That’s pretty goddamn low of you.” Not to mention now I feel like shit.

  Thor had the nerve to smirk at her. “I didn’t hear you complaining then,” He replied. “We were hardly exclusive.” He sighed. He didn’t look particularly guilty, either. “You might not understand this yet,” He reached for the bottle himself, motioning for Patricia to remove another glass from the cupboard. She did, grudgingly. “But there are certain… expectations I have to meet.” His voice turned sour, and Patricia took a large swallow of wine. Ah. Here it is. She thought bitterly. The part where he tells me I’m not good enough.

  “Mmhmm.” Patricia narrowed her eyes at him, pressing her lips into a thin line. “And those would be?”

  “Marry right. Take over the business. Keep our line strong.” He replied without hesitation, and Patricia got the sneaking suspicion he wasn’t pulling this out of thin air. It had been drilled into him by someone else. Maybe not so nicely, either. Patty smiled bitterly. 

  “Well, we never meant to screw up your arranged marriage by virtue of existing, and all,” Patricia said snarkily. “Maybe if you explained… everything to her, it would help.” She offered, but he shook his head. “Tell her you and me… we’re not anything.” He rolled his eyes at her words, and an unreadable expression crossed his face before he shrugged. 

  “It’s no use now. There’s no talking to her like that.” He sounded as though he was speaking from experience.

  “Well, you know, just saying, if you’d told her you were moving your baby-mama into your apartment before you did it, it probably would have made less of a mess.” An irritated expression crossed his face, and realization dawned on Patricia like a lightbulb going off in a dark room. “Oh my god.” She barked out a derisive laugh. “You couldn’t tell her, could you? What are we, your dirty little secret?” Her tone was scathing. “So this whole time you’ve been trying to fuck me, you’ve been toying with her too? No wonder she came in here screaming bloody murder at you—”

  “You sound jealous, Patricia. Want me all to yourself?” He drawled, and Patty was seized with the urge to hurl her wine glass at his head. 

  “Jealous?” She repeated incredulously. “What would I possibly—” Patricia was officially in defense mode, her voice rising in volume. Thor was unfazed by this, pushing his chair away from the counter and making his way over to her. He caged Patricia in against this sink as she shuddered, pressing himself against her. 

  “If you want me, Patty, all you have to do is say.” She hoped to god he didn’t see the little tremor that passed through her. She couldn’t help it, not when he used that voice. Patricia glared up at him, but Thor continued to smile disarmingly down at her, lifting a hand to stroke her chin gently. God , it was like he was seeing directly into her with those cold blue eyes. She didn’t want to admit her jealousy, because if she did, Patty would have to admit that part of her wanted him—and there was no way she was doing that.

  “I—I don’t—” He kissed her, sweeping his tongue into her open mouth as Patricia struggled for words. She hadn’t been prepared for this, and like the bastard he was, Thor was ready and willing to take advantage. He sucked on her bottom lip until it throbbed, releasing it to go to work on her throat. 

  “You don’t understand yet,” He murmured against her skin. Patty hated the way his touch made her head all foggy, made her forget just how much she hated him. “Doing this for your own good.” His hand skirted over her hip, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He pulled away then, leaving her standing panting and confused in the kitchen, the wine glass trembling in her hand as he headed upstairs to check on Amelia.

  What the hell just happened?!

Next Chapter

[sequinsmile-x]

As the Years go By

It's actually your birthday now where I am @sweetsecretskeptinside (timezones are weird) so here is part 2.

Thanks for all the advice, the laughs, the cat pictures and just generally being my friend. You're one of my favourite people ever and I am so glad to know you <3

Chapter 2

Words: 3.3k

Read on AO3, or below the cut

Aaron wakes to the feeling of a tiny hand on his face patting at his cheek. He blearily opens one eye and is face to face with his three year old, Amelia staring back at him with a look of determination that she inherited from her mother.

“Daddy up.”

He can’t stop the groan that escapes as he fully opens his eyes and looks at the clock on his nightstand. It was 5am.

“Amelia, honey, it’s early. You should still be sleeping.” He says quietly, his wife still fast asleep beside him. “We should all be sleeping.”

“Daddy hair.”

He had learnt how to do a couple of basic things with the little girl's hair, largely because Emily didn’t see the point in it, knowing their rambunctious little girl would almost immediately mess up anything fancier than pigtails. Amelia was obsessed with it. Wanting increasingly complicated braids in her unruly hair. He loved doing it, loved the alone time with his youngest that it would bring.

He just didn’t particularly enjoy it at 5am when he’d been up very late with his wife.

Aaron sighs slightly, knowing this wasn’t a battle he was necessarily going to win. Amelia was always able to convince him of anything, another thing she had in common with Emily, so he decided to change tactics.

“We’ll do it in a bit ok.” He reasons, sitting up and putting his hands out to indicate he was going to pick her up. She gladly closes the gap between them and giggles as he lifts her onto the bed, placing her in between him and Emily. “You sleep here for a bit with me and Mommy.”

Despite it being her that had woken him Amelia falls asleep again fairly quickly, curled up against him with her thumb in her mouth as she drifts off.

Emily shifts on the bed and looks over at them, a small smile on her face.

“She ok?” She asks, voice thick with sleep as she reaches over to them.

“She’s fine, just wanted her hair done.”

Emily smirks at him and closes her eyes, snuggling further into the comforter. Memories of when he would tell her Theo needed to go back to his own bed when he snuck into theirs in the middle of the night, thinly veiled excuses to get close to his mother.

“Em.”

“I’m not saying anything.” She murmurs into her pillow, her voice full of mirth.

“Well you’re not saying anything very loudly.”

_________

He should have seen it. He knows he should have realised his wife was sick, her skin obviously paler. Her pain was barely disguised. But he’d been busy, his new job at the academy taking up so much of his time he couldn’t believe he had taken it so he could spend more time with his family.

And now his wife’s appendix had almost burst and he’d missed it.

“Daddy?”

He turns to look at Amelia, the little girl sitting on the plastic waiting room chair next to him. Her feet nowhere near the floor, her fingers picking at her thumbnail beds. A nervous habit she had picked up from Emily.

“Yes, sweetie?” He hopes his face is reassuring, that he’s able to push down his own concerns about his wife being in surgery so he can comfort his 7 year old daughter. Jack and Theo had gone to the canteen, not able to be idle and sit still in the nervous energy that surrounded them.

It was something that they had both got from Emily.

“Is Mommy going to be ok?”

Her voice is so small, so quiet in comparison to normal. No sign of the rambunctious child he knows will give him grey hairs in her teenage years, the little girl already so much like Emily it both filled him with love and fear in equal measure.

“Oh, Millie. Come here.” He pulls her into his lap, no further prompting needed before she curls herself up into his arms. “Mommy is going to be fine. The doctors are just helping her feel better, that's all.”

“Jack’s first mommy was sick and she died.”

The words hit him like a blow to the chest, making him physically recoil as he holds his daughter tighter. The death of Haley was still so far reaching. The impact still rippling outwards in their little family all these years later, all the way to a little girl who had never met her.

“Jack’s mommy was really sick.” He says gently. “Her head was poorly, remember?”

Amelia sniffs and nods, the tears falling past her lash line. She had a basic understanding of Haley’s death, and that Jack was her son.

It was hard to believe that Jack was only a couple of years older than Amelia was now when Haley passed. It felt like a lifetime ago, but Aaron also remembered it like it was yesterday.

“Mommy isn’t going to die?”

He cups the back of her head and kisses her hairline. “No, sweetheart. She’s going to be ok. She’ll be home in a couple days and you can sit in bed with her and eat ice cream.”

She nods at him and cuddles into him closer, and he holds her until the doctor comes to say Emily is out of surgery.

_________

“Dad?”

Aaron looks up from where he was standing at the kitchen counter preparing dinner. Amelia was standing at the kitchen door, her arms wrapped around her abdomen as she looks at him.

“Are you ok, Mills?” He asks, concern rising in his body immediately.

“I’m ok. Do you know where Mom keeps the Motrin?” She asks, avoiding his gaze.

“Are you in pain?” He asks, abandoning his cooking all together.

“I’m fine.”

“Amelia if something is wrong you need to tell me.” He walks over to her and puts his hand to her forehead, relieved to find that her temperature was normal.”

“Dad, it’s fine.” She says, shrugging him off and taking a step back. “I’ll just call Mom later.”

Aaron was long accustomed to the fact all of his children only wanted Emily when they were sick. It had never bothered him, he was the same. Her gentle touch and soothing words were the only thing he wanted when he wasn’t feeling quite right. Emily was, however, in Seattle at a conference where she was presenting.

“Mom is in meetings all evening, and on the other side of the country.” He says, looking at her. “She won’t be able to look at her phone for a few hours.”

“Dad.” She practically begs.

“Sweetheart, if you’re sick-”

“I started my period ok. It’s my first one.” Amelia interrupts him, and they stare at each other for a second, neither really sure what to do or say next.

“Oh.” He eventually says, still staring at her, his brain short circuiting.

“Yeah.” She says, looking at the ground, embarrassed.

“Oh.”

“Can you please say something else.” She looks at him, her facial expression all Emily, and he snaps out of it.

“Right. Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Do...do you need anything?”

“Mom got me all the stuff a few months ago, and showed me what to do. I just really need the Motrin.”

“Of course.” He walks over to the medicine cabinet and roots round, finding the medication in question and handing it to her. He also grabs a glass of water and passes it over, his response a flicker of a grateful smile across her face.

He isn’t sure what to do. A part of him had naively hoped that Emily would be around for this, so she could talk their daughter through it. Lament about their shared experience as they sat on the couch together and sent him out for Mcdonalds.

“Do you want some chocolate? I think we still have some of your lacto free stuff in the pantry.” He asks, hoping the smile on his face is reassuring, knowing he is probably failing.

“Chocolate?” Amelia seethes, puting the medicine bottle back on the table, her arms once again crossed tightly around her abdomen. “Why the hell would that help?”

“I don’t know. It always seems to help your mom.”

She seems to consider it for a moment before nodding. “I’ll take the chocolate.”

She shows her face for dinner and then disappears into her room. Aaron manages to stop Theo from teasing her, shaking his head that it wasn’t worth it. He walks past Amelia’s room later that night and hears her on the phone, he pauses outside her door as he hears her speaking.

“You should have seen the look on his face, Mom.” She laughs. “He looked like he was having a stroke.” Whatever Emily says on the other end of the phone makes Amelia laugh more. “He was sweet though.”

He shakes his head and walks past, entering his own bedroom and getting ready for bed. As he exits the ensuite he hears his phone chime, a text from his wife on the screen.

You did well today, Daddy.

He smiles and types out a response, putting his phone back down.

Thanks, and please don’t call me that.

His phone goes off twice in quick succession.

Sorry.

Daddy.

Aaron sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. The women in his life were going to kill him one day, he just knew it.

_________

It was not his scene at all. The music his 14 year old liked was more his wife’s thing, not his, and if he was honest it just sounded like noise. But Emily had been unable to get out of a dinner with her mother, so he found himself taking Amelia to her first ever concert.

“Dad. You can just wait in the car.” She says, looking around as if his mere presence was embarrassing her.

“I’m staying, Millie.” He says firmly, as he had done several times over the last hour or so in response to her requests that he didn’t come in with her.

“You stick out like a sore thumb.” She says, her arms crossed against her chest.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” He asks, looking down at his shirt.

“You’re in a suit.”

“I just came from work. I took my tie off.” He says, briefly distracted by a girl who looked exactly like Emily had done in her punk days. He makes a mental note to tell her late, to watch the way she would always blush when he brought it up.

“Dad-”

“Amelia, I’m staying, or we’re both going.” He says, his hands on his hips as he looks at her. “Now, why don’t you let me buy you a very overpriced t-shirt and we’ll go find our seats?”

She nods her nods and relents.

Years later, when she’s old enough to no longer be embarrassed by her parents, she admits to him that night was one of her favourite memories.

_________

She makes him do a TikTok dance

“Dad!” She exclaims, irritation pouring off of her in a way only a teenager could manage. The eye roll she sends in his direction was scathing, and he briefly thinks his 15 year old daughter could give most of the unsubs he has dealt with in his career a run for their money. “You’re doing it wrong.”

He sighs, his hands resting on his hips as he looks at her with his eyebrow raised.

“Amelia, honey, I don’t understand what we are doing this for.”

“Fun, Dad. You know, that thing people do to enjoy themselves?”

Aaron hears Emily’s laugh from the other side of the living room, his wife not even trying to cover her amusement at Amelia’s antics. Her smile doesn’t fade when he looks over at her, a glare on his face that had never worked on her in all the years they had been together.

He pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers and sighs again. “We’ll try once more but then I’m giving up.”

Amelia beams at him, a smile on her face that he hadn’t seen since before her boyfriend broke up with her, the memory of how she had cried into Emily’s shoulder still making his heart ache, and he knows he would do anything to make her happy. Anything to make her smile at him like she used to when she was a little girl who thought he hung the moon.

Even if it meant embarrassing himself doing a TikTok dance.

He feels slightly less good natured about it when Amelia runs into the living room the following evening. Her phone grasped in her hand as she looked excitedly at her parents who were enjoying a glass of wine on the couch.

“It’s been viewed almost 1 million times.” She exclaims.

“What has?” Aaron asks, looking up at her with amusement on his face.

“The TikTok we did.” She passes the phone over and Emily takes it, not even suppressing her amusement at the look of horror on Aaron’s face.

“How?”

“Oh wow honey.” Emily says, scrolling through the comments. “All these teenage girls think you’re really hot.”

“What?”

“Ew.”

Aaron and Amelia say in unison, both glaring at her as she laughs, having to cover her mouth to keep some of it in. Amelia grabs her phone back.

“That’s gross, Mom.”

“They aren’t wrong.” Emily says, taking a sip of her wine with a sly grin on her face. “Your dad is hot.”

“Oh God. I’m going back upstairs.” Amelia says, shaking her shoulders as if she can remove the thought from her brain. “I’ll leave you to your flirting.”

Emily laughs again, having never really stopped, and turns back to her husband who was still staring at where Amelia had been standing.

“You ok, Aaron?” She places a hand on his knee.

“1 Million views.” He says, taking a sip of his own wine. “I really hope Derek hasn’t seen it.”

_________

She was graduating. His little girl, his youngest, was graduating high school. It didn’t feel real. The years had flown by, the tiny baby he had cradled against his chest in the first minutes of her life was now this beautiful, compassionate, stubborn carbon copy of her mother.

“Dad?”

He looks up from the book he’d been reading, not that he’d turned the page in several minutes, and sees Amelia standing next to the couch, her sleeves pulled down past her fists as she fidgets on the spot. Her hair is the longest it’s been since she was small, coming down well past her shoulders in thick, dark waves. The nose ring she had done when she was 15 was smaller now, snug against her skin and even he could admit it suited her. She looked nervous, like something was on her mind.

“Are you ok honey?” He asks, putting his book down and patting the couch cushion next to him. She sits down next to him and sighs, blowing out a breath as she avoids his gaze.

“Are you… are you and Mom disappointed I’m not going to college?” She asks, her voice unsure, the normal confidence that followed her around like perfume nowhere to be found.

Amelia had never been overly academic, and school was a trial that she had to get through. She was smart. She picked up languages so quickly it scared him, blowing even Emily away when they went on family vacations and she’d be speaking to the locals by day two. She was kind, and compassionate and spent a lot of her weekends volunteering in the community.

It hadn’t surprised either him or Emily when she nervously came to them one day, early on in her senior year, saying that she didn’t want to go to college, that she wanted to travel instead. It had scared him at first, not because he expected anything different from her, but the idea of his little girl out there in the world alone terrified him.

He had seen too much for it to.

“Amelia.” He says, leaning forward so he entered her line of sight. “Of course not. Why do you think that?”

She huffs out a laugh and wipes away a stray tear from her cheek. “Theo just took the bar exam. And Jack is some hot shot doctor.” She says, sniffing as she wipes her face again. “And I’m just...me.”

“Oh sweetheart.” He says, pulling her into a hug that she gladly returns, her hands gripping into the back of his shirt like it did when she was small and his embrace was the only place she would find solace. “We’ve never wanted you to be anyone other than yourself.”

She laughs against his shirt and pulls back to look at him. “Mom’s right, you do say the corniest shit.” She smiles at him. “Thanks, Dad.”

He smiles when she leans back into the hug. “Anytime.”

_________

“And you’ve got your passport?”

“Yes, Mom. I have my passport. Just like I did 10 minutes ago the last time you asked.” Amelia says, equal parts amusement and annoyance on her face as she pulls out of the hug her mother has her in, Emily’s grip on her fierce.

“And your visas?” Emily asks, tucking some of Amelia’s hair behind her ear.

“Dad, help me out here.” Amelia says, looking past Emily to where Aaron was standing just a few feet back.

Aaron smiles and steps forward, his hands on his wife's shoulders as he pulls her back gently.

They hear an announcement for her flight and she’s back in Emily’s arms again before she can react. Amelia looks at her father and beckons him over too, caught up in a fierce hug between both of her parents.

“I’ll miss you guys.” Amelia says, her voice wavering for the first time since she said goodbye to Theo and Jack the day before. “I’ll call all the time.”

Emily pulls back first and smiles despite her own tears. “Stay safe ok? Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Emily steps back, her hand briefly grasping Aarons, as she moves back to give them a moment alone.

“You’ll stop her from calling all the embassy’s if she doesn’t hear from me right?” Amelia says, a trembling smile on her face. “Grandma may be gone, but Mom still has all her connections.”

“I’ll keep her in line.” He says, ignoring the grumble from Emily from behind them. “You can call us any time. You know that right?”

Amelia rolls her eyes. “Yes Dad. And I have all the local emergency numbers memorised. I’ll be fine.”

Her flight is announced again.

“I’ve got to go.” She says, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Dad. Thanks for everything.”

He feels the tears flood his own eyes, as he holds her a little tighter. “I love you too.”

She turns and walks away towards the escalator, her bag over her shoulder. Aaron feels Emily’s hand slip into his, her other hand gripping at his tricep as she curls herself into him a little. Amelia turns on the escalator and waves back at them until she disappears out of sight.

“What do we do now?” Emily asks, her voice shaking. He looks down to her and sees the steady stream of tears on her face and he pulls her into a hug.

“We go home and wait for her to call.” He says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We can even look at the tracker you had Penelope put on her phone if you’d like.”

“I didn-”

“Sweetheart, surely you know better than to lie to me after all this time.” He says, a fond smile on his face as she blushes. He turns them and leads them towards the exit of the airport. “She knows you did it too.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you.” She grumbles, pulling herself closer to him despite her words.

“Because you love me.” He says, squeezing her hand.

“I do.” She replies, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Subaru Route ー Chapter 3

ー The scene starts on Glimmer Main Street

Subaru: Haah...What will that old geezer make us do next?

Yui: Based on what we had to do yesterday...I’m fairly sure today’s task will be a challenge as well.

ー An old lady walks past them

Yui: ( Hm...? )

Female Vampire E: Haah...This is bad...

Yui: ( That old lady looks troubled by something...? I wonder what happened? )

Selection

→ Reach out (☾)

Yui: Um, excuーー 

Subaru: Oi.

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: You’re not gonna talk to her, are you?

Yui: Eh? ...That was the plan though...

Subaru: You know the situation we’re in, right? We have somewhere to go, remember.

Yui: That’s true, but...I can’t just ignore it when there’s someone in need right before me...

Subaru: A person in need, you say...?

...

...Haah, fine. Be my guest.

...Seems like you’re still the literal definition of a kind soul.

→ Walk past her

Yui: ( I’d love to help but...We don’t really have the time for that right now... )

Subaru: Hm? Oi, what’s wrong? Let’s get going already.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

Female Vampire E: Haah...What am I going to do?

Yui: ( ...Uu... )

( I can’t just turn a blind eye to someone in need after all...! ) 

ー Yui runs over to the lady

Yui: Um...Is something the matter, Ma’am?

Female Vampire E: Aah...Miss. Well, I seem to have dropped my dear handkerchief...

Yui: I see. I’ll help you look for it!

Subaru: Geez...Guess I have no other choice...

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ( Looking for a handkerchief might be more tricky than I thought... )

Subaru: Oi, it’s not over here.

Yui: Yeah...I haven’t found it yet either.

( I wonder if it got blown away by the wind...? ーー Ah! )

Couldn’t it be the thing stuck on that bench over there!?

Female Vampire E: Oh dear! It is!

Subaru: Haah...You finally found it? Then hurry up and graーー 

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: Ah...!

( A bird...! )

Subaru: Hey! Wait!

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: ( It flew away with the handkerchief in its beak... )

Subaru: Che...It’s sittin’ on a rooftop... 

Yui: ...I’ll go look for a ladder...!

Subaru: Aah, wait. The idea of you using a ladder is way too risky, I don’t think I could handle it.

...Haah. I’ll go grab it, so just stay put here, ‘kay?

I don’t need a ladder to reach that high...It literally takes one second if I fly.

...There...

ー Subaru leaps up into the air

Yui: ...Ah, Subaru-kun...

*TIMESKIP*

*Thud*

Subaru: ...Here you go. This’ll do, right?

Yui: ( Ah, in Subaru-kun’s hand is...! )

Female Vampire E: Yes, this is it! Thank you so much, you two. 

This handkerchief truly means a lot to me...So you helped me out immensely. Thank you so much. 

Yui: ( She seems very happy. I’m glad I reached out for her! )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Ah...Sorry we got a bit sidetracked, Subaru-kun...But still, thanks.

Subaru: ...Haah. You baffle me every time with how much of a goodie-two-shoes you are...

...But well...If you don’t mind that, I won’t stop you either.

Yui: Sure...?

( Usually he’d call me out on that kind of behavior...I wonder what has gotten into him today? )

Subaru: Anyway, we’re done now, right? Let’s go.

ー The scene shifts to Rubien canal

Gondolier A: ーー Off we go!

Yui: ( ...Today’s task involves retrieving a certain crystal from an abandoned mine inside a volcano. )

( ...Sounds like quite the struggle... )

Subaru: Oi, what was your problem earlier?

Yui: Eh? What do you mean?

Subaru: You seemed surprised after I said ‘let’s go’, remember? I’m referrin’ to that.

Yui: Ah...

( When we were told we have to head to a volcano today... )

( I was sure Subaru-kun would protest, but he just immediately responded with ‘let’s go’... )

Ah...Right. Please don’t get mad when I say this but...

I figured you wouldn’t like the idea of having to go all the way to a volcano.

However, you immediately rolled with it, hence why I was a little surprised...

Subaru: ...Hmph.

...Everyone has different things they consider valuable, regardless of whether others feel the same way, right? 

I finally understood that.

Yui: ...?

Subaru: Take that clown mask the old geezer wanted, for example. 

Or the handkerchief that old lady was lookin’ for.

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: Also...I’m sure that from an outsider’s perspective...What you mean to me...

Would fall under that same category as well, right?

Yui: ...

( How sneaky of him to suddenly say such things... )

( It’s embarrassing but...I feel as if my love for him has only grown. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the lake

Gondolier A: We’ve arrived at Tilkeys lake!

Yui: ( Phew...Seems like we’ve reached our destination. )

( Now we just have to head towards the volcano up ahead. )

Subaru: Haah...We’re finally here, huh...?

Yui: I thought you’d suggest we’d fly here instead of taking the gondola.

Subaru: Yeah...That thought crossed my mind as well, but I might need to save my energy for later, no?

Yui: ( Fufu...Seems like Subaru-kun is taking these tasks much more serious now. )

ー The two of them start walking

Yui: If I recall correctly, there should be a volcano on the other side of the water, right?

Subaru: That’s what the old geezer told us.

Yui: In that case, let’s just keep on walking straight aheaーー

ー The people around them grow restless

Yui: ...

Subaru: ...

Yui: ( It caught my attention earlier but there sure are a lot of couples around this lake... )

( I guess it can’t be helped since it seems to be a tourist attraction... )

T-There’s quite a few couples, huh...?

Subaru: Che...They’re annoyin’...

Yui: ( However, we can’t get to the volcano if we don’t go past them... )

Subaru: Oi, Yui.

ー Subaru suddenly pulls her close

*Rustle*

Yui: Wah...!

( He pulled me close...!? )

Subaru: We won’t stand out if we walk like this, right?

Yui: P-Probably not but...It’s embarrassing...!

Subaru: From their point of view, we’re...no different from them, you know.

Don’t let it bother you. Let’s go.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

ー The scene shifts to the entrance of the mine

Yui: Ah, seems like we can get inside through there.

Street vendor: ーー One second, you two.

Subaru: Ah?

Street vendor: You’re going inside?

Subaru: What if we are?

Street vendor: Oh no...But if you do, you better take one of these with you.

Yui: Are those...marshmallows...?

Um...Why do we need marshmallows to enter the volcano?

Street vendor: ...You see, there’s a certain tale being told around these parts...

Yui: A tale...

Monologue

ーー What we were told afterwards,

was the sad tale,

regarding this Smaragd volcano.

In the past...Due to the many mining resources,

available in this area,

mining for minerals flourished. 

On a fateful day, one of the miners,

fell in love with a Wraith (2),

who lived in the underground lake.

A Wraith and a Vampire,

made somewhat of an odd duo,

but to be able to live alongside her,

the man tricked a female Vampire,

and offered her body to the Wraith.

Why, you might ask? ...Per tradition,

Wraiths are not allowed to leave the place they were born,

unless they take control of the body of another being.

If they try and leave,

they will simply fade away.

Despite the many unfamiliarities which came with it,

 the two of them lived happily.

While living amongst Vampires,

the only thing the Wraith grew fond of...

were marshmallows. 

...However, 

their happiness was short-lived.

One day,

the original owner of the body she had possessed,

regained her consciousnessーー 

And killed the man.

Shaking with anger,

the Wraith killed the woman, who had been her vessel,

before vanishing herself.

To this day, the man’s spirit,

continues to look for the Wraith they once loved,

wandering around inside this volcano...

The fellow Wraiths,

as if they chose to carry on their lost comrade’s legacy,

have also taken a liking to marshmallows...

Yui: ...

( I had no idea this volcano is linked to such a sad story... )

Subaru: Hmph. In other words, if we run into one of those Wraiths, we just have to give them these as a snack?

I bet it’s just some urban legend, right? Ridiculous...

ー Subaru walks away

Yui: Ah, Subaru-kun, wait...!

( It might just be a made-up story but... )

Um...Excuse me? Could I get some marshmallows while I’m here, please?

Street vendor: Of course. I’ll pray you don’t run into any Wraiths. 

Yui: Thank you very much.

( Okay. I have to go after Subaru-kun...! )

ー The scene shifts to the inside of the mine

Yui: ( Where did he run off to...? )

( I don’t think he could be that far ahead... )

Subaru: ーー I knew it.

Yui: Wah! Subaru-kun!?

Geez...It gives me a heart attack when you appear out of nowhere like that...

Subaru: Knowing you, I bet you bought some marshmallows first before coming inside of here?

I figured that might be the case, so I waited for you here.

Yui: I-I see...

Subaru: You actually believe that story from earlier?

It’s just some obvious sales trick (3) to try and get us to buy his marshmallows, no?

Yui: It might be but...You know, better be safe than sorry...Right?

Subaru: ...Haah.

Whatever. Let’s just look for that crystal now.

Yui: He told us it glimmers and lights up, right?

Subaru: Yeah...According to the old geezer, we might find it by searching this rock surface.

Seems like they’ve conveniently got the mining tools all laid out for us.

*Rustle*

*Cling*

Subaru: I’ll use this to chip away at the wall so you look for the crystal.

Yui: Yeah, I’ll try my best!

*TIMESKIP*

*CLING*

Subaru: Haah...haah...

Yui: ( Hm...We’ve been searching for quite some time now... )

( But it doesn’t seem like we’ll find it any time soon... )

( On top of that... )

...Uu...

( Perhaps I’m paranoid after listening to that story from earlier but...For some reason, this place really gives me the creeps. )

*Rustle*

???: Fufu...Ufufufu...

Yui: ...Who’s there...?

*Rustle*

ー A strong gust of wind blows

Yui: ( There’s nobody... )

( Am I just hearing things...? But I could have sworn someone was there... )

Subaru: Oi, what’s wrong?

Ah...Subaru-kun...For some reason, this place has been creeping me out...

Subaru: ...Well, this isn’t the most fun place to be at.

Yui: Yeah...

Subaru: ...Let’s take a small break. You brought some food with you, right?

Yui: Ah...Yes! I got us some sandwiches on the way.

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ...Here, this one’s yours!

Subaru: Yeah...Thanks.

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Phew...That hit the spot.

( While the location is somewhat unsettling, this feels like we’re having a picnic together, it’s honestly kind of fun...! )

...I should have brought dessert with me as well.

Subaru: Ah? But we do, don’t we?

Yui: Eh?

Subaru: You got them at the entrance earlier, didn’t you? ...Those marshmallows.

Yui: You’re going to eat those!? I think it’d be better if we have those on hand just in case a Wraith shows up...

Subaru: Oh come on, I’ve been tellin’ you that crap is just some urban legend, haven’t I?

Yui: You think so...?

( But well...I guess it’s better to eat them than to have to end up throwing them away... )

Hold on...

*Rustle rustle*

Huh...?

Subaru: Oi, what’s wrong?

Yui: I can’t seem to find them...

Subaru: Hm...Didn’t you drop them somewhere?

Yui: ...

( Don’t tell me...Did a Wraith actually take them...? )

( In that case, I’m glad I bought some just like that person advised us to... )

Subaru: ...What’s wrong? Did you want to eat marshmallows that badly?

Yui: Ah...No. That’s not it, but...

( I’ll just keep this to myself... )

( It’s not like I have concrete proof that they were taken by a Wraith... )

( If the story we were told is true, it might be best to just quietly let it pass. )

Subaru: ...? You weirdo. Whatever. We should get back to work soon.

*TIMESKIP*

*Cling*

Subaru: ...Haah...!

Yui: Subaru-kun, how are things looking on your end...?

Subaru: No luck...I did find this rare-looking gem instead though.

But it’s not the one that old geezer wants...

Here, it’s this one.

Yui: Waah, it’s so pretty.

( It changes color depending on the angle! Wow...! )

( But this isn’t what we’re looking for... )

Subaru: ...

Yui: ( Subaru-kun has been staring at the gem in his hand this whole time, it seems. )

...Fufu, I see no harm in taking it home with us to remember this day?

It doesn’t look like the type of gemstone you’d find every day!

Subaru: Y-Yeah...Good point.

*Rustle*

Yui: So...What are we going to do now...?

( We can’t just keep on aimlessly searching around forever... )

???: Fufu...Ufufufu...

Yui: ...!

( That voice just now...It’s the same one I heard earlier...! )

( Are there really Wraiths living here...? Oh no, we’re all out of marshmallows too... )

Subaru: ...What was that voice just now?

Yui: You noticed as well...?

Subaru: Yeah. I could hear it from behind us.

Yui: Yeah...Let’s try heading into that direction.

ー They follow the voice

Subaru: ...Around here, maybe...?

Now that you mention it, I did read this one fairytale from the Demon World when I was a kid...

In one of those stories, their dog barked to mark a location and they found a treasure buried underneath.

Does that ring a bell?

Yui: Eh? Y-Yeah...It’s a famous story after all... (4)

Subaru: This might just be...a similar case...!

...Let’s try diggin’ here.

*Cling*

Subaru: ...Ugh...!

*Cling*

*Crumble*

*THUD*

Yui: Ah! Subaru-kun, look!! Couldn’t it be that one over there...!?

Subaru: You’re right..It’s blue in color just like that old geezer said...

Yui: Waah! Thank god we were able to find it!

Subaru: Haah...Geez, finally...

But...Well, I guess it was worth goin’ through all the trouble...

Yui: Yes.

( Hm...? Then the Wraith’s voice from earlier...? Could she have been trying to thank us for the marshmallows...? )

Subaru: We were able to find the crystal, so I guess we should leave now.

Yui: Good idーー

*Flap flap*

Subaru: Aah...?

Yui: What was...that sound...?

*CAW*

*Flap flap*

Yui: Eh...An eagle...!?

Subaru: Haah!? Where did it come from!? ...Wait, fuck...It’s comin’ our way...!

*CAW*

Subaru: ...! Watch out...!!

*Thud*

Yui: Are you okay!?

( ...Did it target the gem in Subaru-kun’s hand just now...? )

Subaru: Oi oi...Are you after this gemstone perhaps...?

We went through hell and back to find it, so no way I’m handin’ it over!

Let’s make a run for it!

ー The two of them start running

*Flap flap*

*CAW*

Subaru: Che...It’s comin’ after us again!

Yui: Ah, Subaru-kun! There’s a rail cart over there...!

Subaru: Guess we have to use that to get out of here...!

ー They head towards the rail cart.

Subaru: Oi, hold onto this crystal.

*Thud*

Yui: Yeah...!

( I’ll put it in my pocket so I don’t drop it... )

Subaru: Kuh...

Get...movin’...!

*Rattle rattle*

*Thud*

Subaru: Awesome, it’s runnin’!

Is that eagle still comin’ after us?

*Flap flap*

*CAW*

Yui: Yeah...Seems like it set its sights on this gem after all...

*Flap flap*

Subaru: Che...That fuckin’ geezer! He didn’t mention this...!

*Flap flap*

Yui: Ah...! Subaru-kun, watch out...!

Subaru: Fuck...! Oi, you stay down. Don’t you dare raise your head!

*Rustle*

Yui: Y-Yeah...

*Flap flap*

*CAW*

Subaru: Che...You persistent pest! Buzz off!

*Cling*

Yui: Subaru-kun! Don’t push yourself too much...!

Subaru: Yeah, I know...! ...Uwoh...!? 

*Thud*

Yui: Eh...!?

( The eagle...Grabbed hold of him...!? )

Subaru: ...Kuh...Oi...Let go of me...!!

*CAW*

Subaru: ...Ugh!!

Yui: Ah...!!

Subaru: Yui...!!

Yui: No way...Subaru-kun!?

( Subaru-kun fell inside the ravine...!! I have to go save him...But what can I...? )

*Rumble rumble*

Yui: W-What now...!? The ground’s rumbling...?

*Creaaak*

Yui: Eh...!?

( The wagon’s tilted to the side...At this rate it’ll fall...!? )

...Kyaah...!?

ー She falls down

Yui: ( Oh no...At this rate, I won’t even live to get my heart back... )

( ... )

Subaru: ーー Yui!

Yui: ( Eh...? )

*Rustle*

Yui: ( My body is...floating...? )

Subaru...kun...?

Subaru: You’re fine now! Hang on tight!

Yui: Yeah...!

*Thud*

ー The scene shifts to a cave

Yui: Haah, haah...

We made it out...unharmed somehow...?

Subaru: Yeah...Seems like it.

Yui: ( But...Where are we? It looks like a cave of some sorts... )

...

( What’s happening...!? I can barely...breathe...!? ) 

Subaru: Che...Seems like we fell pretty far down...

We have to get out of here before you suffocate to death...!

ー The scene shifts to the underground lake

Subaru: Haah...Oi, are you okay...?

Yui: Just barely...!

( So there’s a lake underground... )

Subaru: Oi, you still have the gem on you, right?

*Rustle*

Yui: Yeah, don’t worry. I’ve got it.

Subaru: Perfect...Let’s get out of here at once then.

I don’t want to stay here any longer and run into trouble again.

Then afterwards...

...Don’t ever leave my side again, ‘kay? Who knows what waits ahead of us.

Yui: Yeah...!

*Rumble rumble*

Subaru: ...Hold up. Something’s...comin’...

Yui: ( This sound...Could it be the rumbling of the ground again...!? )

*SPLASH*

Subaru: ...Water...!?

Yui: Ah...The quakes from earlier might be what is causing the lake to flood...

Subaru: Che...It’s just one problem after the other...!

ー The water flows their way

Yui: Kyaah!?

( We’re being swept away..!? )

Subaru: Oi, hold onto me!!

*Rustle*

Subaru: Don’t you dare let go of my hand!

*Splash*

Yui: ( We...made it out alive...? )

Yui: Cough...cough...

Subaru: Oi...Are you alright?

Yui: Ah...Yes. I swallowed a little water, but I don’t seem to have any injuries.

I’m sure it’s because you protected me.

Subaru: H-Haah!? The fuck are you sayin’...!?

Yui: Eh? ...What do you mean? You proteーー

Subaru: Aah, shut up! Not another word!

Fuck...

Yui: ( Ah...Subaru-kun looked away... )

But it’s really all thanks to you that I was able to safely make it back out.

Thank you for saving me.

Subaru: ...

...Hmph.

Yui: ...We ran into several problems but...

It’s good we got out safe and sound, right?

Subaru: There’s nothin’ good ‘bout this shit. Honestly...We went through hell and back.

I don’t wanna go through that ever again.

Yui: Fufu...I agree.

*Thud*

Subaru: Anyway...Let’s go to the old geezer’s place already.

I’m gonna snap if he calls us out on takin’ too long again.

ー Subaru nearly trips

Subaru: ...

Yui: Ah, Subaru-kun, are you okay...!?

Subaru: I just felt a little shaky in my step. Don’t worry ‘bout it.

Don’t be worryin’ ‘bout someone else when you’re totally worn out yourself.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

( Even if he says that, I can’t help but be concerned... )

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle*

Yui: ( Nn... )

ー Yui wakes up in the hotel room

Yui: ( Huh...? Where am I...? This isn’t...the anitque shop, right...? The hotel room...? )

( I remember heading from the lake towards the antique shop together with Subaru-kun... )

*Rustle*

Subaru: Nn...Ahー Fuck...My muscles sore...

Wait...Hah? Why are we at the hotel...!?

Yui: ( Thank god...Seems like Subaru-kun has woken up as well. )

Say, I wonder how we made it back here?

Subaru: Who knows...I can only remember up until the point we left for the old geezer’s place.

Yui: ( I guess Subaru-kun’s in the same boat, huh...? ...Hm? )

*Flip*

Yui: ( Oh? There’s a note on the bedside table... )

Subaru: What’s that? A note? Give me that for a sec.

ーー The requested gemstone has been successfully retrieved. 

Make sure to get plenty of rest today so you’re ready for the final task tomorrow.

...Furthermore, next time I find you two passed out in front of my store, I’m throwing you out on the sidewalk like that so you have been warned. 

...That’s what it says.

Yui: Ah...I see...We must have collapsed in front of the store.

Subaru: Geez...Who’s fault does he think that is!?

Fuck...! That older geezer needs to watch his words...!

Haah...I’m gonna sleep. You should rest up soon as well. Tomorrow’s the last day after all.

*Creaak*

Yui: Yeah, I will.

( Today sure was something else but...I had fun. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 話 or ‘hanashi’ is more of a general term which simply means ‘talk’ or ‘story’. However, given the contents of the story, I thought ‘tale’ was a fitting term in English. 

(2) A Wraith is a type of ghost or spirit, originally from Scottish Folklore. They are said to be the embodiment of souls who are either on the verge of death, or who have recently passed on.

(3) 子供騙し or ‘kodomo-damashi’ literally means a trick/trap only children would fall for.

(4) I did a quick google search and Subaru is mostly referring to the Japanese folklore tale: Hanasaka Jiji. 

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 2

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 4]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ KANATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ RUKI]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/SHIN]

[writing-gifts]

both sides of the viewfinder chp. 1

adult film star!bruno x afab!reader  (they are also gn)

this is 18+ content

summary:  Bruno's interested in you and you're interested in him. It's only a matter of time.

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4

------

A/N: okay so this is gonna be 3 chapters. the last chapter’s smut, but there’s pretty suggestive stuff happening in the 2nd chapter

i did research for this and wanted to try to make it more on the realistic side but there's always the chance that i messed up somewhere, so if you wanna point it out go ahead. it'll be good to know for the future!

------

This wasn't your first time filming for sex work but you felt a little out of your element. The studio that recently hired you was much bigger than what you were used to and considering that you were mainly doing freelance work before, this made everything feel much more professional and serious. Their work had to be highly produced.

"--We aren’t super strict about that, but you should definitely tell me before you go anywhere."

Right now, you were being given a quick tour by one of the people you'd be working with--the Director of Photography. Jocelyn was pretty much your manager and would be giving you most of the orders.

You continue to follow behind her as she continues to show you around. But you couldn't help eyeing the high quality lights and cameras you pass as she talked though. The equipment must have been worth a lot.

Once she has finished showing you around, she leads you back to the set filled with the crew that you passed earlier.

You listen closely as she goes over the details of the film.

"This will be the room where the main scene will take place. Today we will have you operating one of the stationary cameras, but since you’ve done stuff like this before I decided to let you do it without someone breathing down your neck. Just follow my orders."

You like the woman already. "Thank you."

"The shoot will start in--" she checks her watch, "--about an hour. Today is just filming for you but you know you’ll be doubling up as a runner when necessary. We might also have you help with other tasks while you work here too."

You nod to show you understand.

She smiles, "If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask me or any of your co-workers. Try to avoid asking the director though…."

-------

You adjust the headphones on your head as you stand in front of the camera you'd be in charge of today.

Working it should be simple enough since you didn't have to actually move. You just needed to make sure it stayed in focus so they had more options when it came to angles.

About 10 minutes later, the two actors starring today show up dressed in fairly nice clothes that they wouldn't be wearing for too long. One of them seemed quite friendly with everyone. He must be pretty popular you think.

Before you can recede to your thoughts, you recognize him.

Is that Bruno Bucciarati?

You quickly confirm that it is and turn your body away from him and towards the camera, as if doing that would hide you. You weren't necessarily a stan but you did follow him on social media. And perhaps you did subscribe to his OnlyFans. And there's a good chance you paid money for some of his work.

It wasn't your fault that he was one of the few male stars you found attractive!

You shake your head. This was work. Don't get starstruck.

Luckily, it doesn't take you long to get distracted with the camera. You rarely get to operate such expensive equipment like this so you find yourself looking at all it had to offer.

While you neglect socializing with the people you would be working with from now on, someone comes up to you.

"You look so focused."

Your eyes widen from the sudden voice and you pull down your headphones as you look to the side. "Oh sorry--" When you see who it is the rest of your statement dies in your throat.

However, Bruno isn't deterred by your abrupt stop. "You must be the new camera person."

You stare a second too long before nodding.

He holds out a hand and you have to calm your shaking one before reaching out and grabbing his. His hand was really warm.

“Nice to meet you, my name's Bruno Bucciarati."

"I'm ____. I've actually seen some of your work before! You really are as handsome as in the videos."

Even though you're straight-faced, you were regretting what you just said. It was a simple compliment but what if it was too much? His looks did astound you though, there was no denying it. And you really didn't understand how he managed to pull off that haircut.

You smile to ease the tension within yourself and Bruno returns it. Whether it was genuine or out of politeness you didn't know, but it helps you relax.

"Thank you," he says.

“Okay everyone get in your damn places! We’ll be starting soon!”

Your brows raise at the director’s choice of words.

Bruno turns back to you. "Well, let's do our best to get through this."

You nod and watch him walk towards the bed where his co-star is waiting, and the director immediately starts going over what he wants the two of them to do once he’s there.

You decide to do a quick second check on your camera to make sure everything is still working properly before waiting patiently for the director to start.

------

Between some cuts and breaks, filming’s done about 6 hours later. You’d been informed about the typical work time so you weren't surprised. The porn from this studio was highly produced, with a few “amateur” looking works thrown in, so it was the norm. But this was the longest you had worked on one film. So depending on how particular the director was, you would need to be prepared to do at least several hours of filming when behind the camera.

You rub your eyes. It's only 4 pm but you're yearning for your bed. You could only imagine how tired the actors were.

Right after you turn off the camera, Jocelyn calls you over.

"You did well today and looks like you don't need any serious training. Good job!" she praises.

You guessed you passed the new hire "test". That gave you a bit of an energy boost and you can't help the smile on your face.

While you remove the camera from its tripod, you begin to retreat to your mind. And of course, your mind wanders to a certain actor.

Bruno was good at what he did. Really good. And the other actor seemed to genuinely enjoy working with him too. For a second, you wonder what it's like.

You glance up and accidentally make eye contact with a now fully clothed Bruno. The man walks towards you and even though you had watched him just have sex for multiple hours, you feel nervous.

“What’s up?” you ask when he's close enough.

"Nothing. I like to check up on newcomers, but you must have worked in this field for a while since they usually tend to have some hang ups."

"Uh yea. I've been doing stuff like this for awhile. Good work today by the way."

"Same with you. It was long but things went as smoothly as they could."

You nod in agreement and finish folding up the tripod. “They did, but honestly that one position you were in looked super uncomfortable! Is your back okay?”

The man laughs. “I'll be fine. That was pretty tame to be fair.”

“Wow, you must be super fit or flexible then...” You notice your coworkers walking off with equipment and decide its best to end the conversation so you can follow them. "Oh, I need to put away this stuff. Thanks for checking up on me though!"

Bruno smiles at you and you scurry off with the camera and the tripod.

-----

You'd been here a week so far. Each day varied with things to do and you never really knew what you'd exactly be working on until you got to the studio.

For today you had a list of various tasks but the first one was conducting a pre-shoot interview with the actors for the porn being shot in an hour.

You look through the viewfinder at the two men sitting on the couch. You were already recording but the interview hadn't started just yet.

“It’s been awhile since I've done an interview so bear with me...” you mumble while going over the questions in your head.

“No pressure ____,” Bruno says.

The man doesn't seem bothered but Prosciutto, on the other hand, isn’t as laid back.

“You should at least have a list of questions prepared,” the blonde says.

"Yep right here!" You pull out a piece of paper from your pocket. From the list you could tell this collaboration had been long requested by their fans.

“I did my best to remember it but just in case…” You place the paper on a surface out of view.

You readjust the camera on your shoulder before speaking again. “Okay, let's start with names you say.”

You focus the camera on Bruno. You wish you had a tripod, but they were insistent on having you walk around with the damn thing to make it feel more “personal”.

"I’m Bruno Bucciarati."

You then turn the camera to focus on Prosciutto.

"I’m Prosciutto."

“So I know this is the first time you both are working together. How are we feeling?”

Bruno smiles. “I'm feeling pretty good and ready to work. How about you, Prosciutto?”

“Pretty much how I do before any shoot.”

“And what's that?” you ask.

Prosciutto crosses his arms. “Mostly relaxed but looking forward to it of course.”

"That's good. I know it'll be tiring filming and from how highly requested this seems to be, the director's going to want this to be perfect. But I'm hoping you guys still have fun."

"I'm sure we will, but I still don't know why so many people wanted us to work together," Prosciutto says.

Bruno nods. "Agreed. I feel like we’ve rarely interacted until now."

"Well people like seeing attractive people together. And I've actually seen fancams of you two interacting on Twitter. It's pretty entertaining!"

“You search those up?” Bruno asks.

“No, they just show up on my timeline sometimes.”

“...So you're a fan of Bruno then?” You weren't sure why but you sense a bit of judgement coming from Prosciutto.

"A little, but let's move on." You take a peek at the paper. "So who’s receiving and who’s catching?"

You raise a brow at how the question���s phrased.

Bruno looks at Prosciutto. “Don't you think we should let the film speak for itself.”

The blonde hums in agreement. “If they need to know so badly, they can skip ahead.”

“True. I think either way would be fun to watch though,” you say.

“Definitely. You should let me know what you think later.” Bruno says.

You don't mean to smile but it's already happening. "Sure."

“You're real unprofessional flirting with the camera person in the middle of an interview,” Prosciutto chides.

“It's just some banter. Are you jealous?”

Prosciutto tsks at Bruno's statement.

You shake your head deciding not to acknowledge those comments. The editor would have to cut out that bit. The two seemed to get along well enough for work but you had a feeling they would get on each other's nerves if they stayed together too long.

“Okay so this is definitely a good question to ask next. What do you guys like about each other? Either personality or physical wise."

Prosciutto glances at Bruno before speaking. “I can admit that the man has a nice….physique.”

You grin. "You sound like I'm putting a gun to your head."

The man fixes you with a very unamused look but you continue on smiling.

"What about you Bruno?" you ask.

“Well he has an attractive face and body, of course. His stubbornness is enjoyable at times too.”

“Stubbornness?”

Prosciutto seems to have the same question as you because he looks at Bruno for his explanation.

“Yes it's a good trait to have in certain situations.” Bruno returns the blonde’s stare. “It'll also make seeing him unravel much more interesting.”

The two of them are now looking at each other very intently and you feel like you should leave the room. But you need to finish the interview.

“Nice...so this is the last question. Is there anything specific you two are looking forward to?”

Fortunately, the two of them can still hear you and respond.

Bruno hums, “I suppose it's been awhile since I've given a blowjob, so there's that.”

"...And I'm looking forward to receiving one."

You let out a chuckle, “Okay, Prosciutto I see what you're about.” You quickly skim the list of interview questions. "Well looks like that's it! You guys ready to go?”

They both give you their positive answers.

“Then let's get you guys ready for the shoot."

Bruno smiles while Prosciutto's face stays neutral.

After that statement you stop recording.

“Okay, nice job guys!” You look at the clock on the wall. “That went pretty fast. So you can go ahead and head to the set.”

Prosciutto nods and exits the room but Bruno stays behind.

“Are you going to be helping film for the shoot?” he asks.

You gently place the camera down on the table where you left the paper.

“No, I have to go out and buy some things for something being filmed later this week. And then I have to go do some other stuff around the studio…” You laugh, “They really have me running around!”

Bruno looks slightly concerned. “You’d prefer to stay behind the camera the whole time right?”

“Yep but that's okay. I already knew what I was getting into, and I get paid better pretty well for it.” You look back up at the clock. “I’ll definitely be back for the interview after filming though so I should see you then.”

Bruno nods. "Okay, good luck with your errands."

----

By the end of the day, you're exhausted. Your list of tasks wasn't hard, you just ended up moving a lot more than you planned. You even almost forgot to take your break in your hustle.

When you return to your apartment, you eat something and take a quick shower before dressing up for bed. And once you're snuggled up in your covers, you decide to check your Twitter to see if anything interesting has happened.

While scrolling through the random posts retweeted throughout the day, you happen upon a pretty suggestive picture of Bruno in lingerie. He posted it not too long ago.

Nice.

You click on his icon to check his page to see if there’s anything else new, and under his username notice the words follows you.

Your eyes widen and you double check and refresh to make sure you're not seeing things. You go into your notifications and see that he followed you a couple hours ago. You really weren't sure what to do. It would be weird if you messaged him, right?

You take a deep breath and decide to take the chance. Bruno probably got hundreds of messages so it shouldn't be a big deal.

hi, i saw that you followed me. just making sure you didn't make a mistake lol

Before you can overthink it you send the message. After that you go back to his page and like and retweet the lingerie photo, but you still need a distraction so you wouldn't obsess over a possible reply. When you're thinking of getting out of bed, a message from Bruno pops up.

You quickly open it to see the full message.

No mistakes here. I searched you up and saw that you already followed me so I wanted to follow back.

It's not the first time you've been followed by pornstars or coworkers you worked with, but it was honestly still rare. And something about it being Bruno made your heart beat faster. You momentarily think about everything you retweeted in the last hour, before sending a message back.

oh okay, thx! i'll try not to bother you too much, you probably get a lot of messages

A few seconds pass before you get another reply.

Not necessarily. I have DMs off for people I don't follow. I love my fans but they can get...rowdy. Either way, you can message me whenever you want.

Wow, what would you even talk about with Bruno outside of work related things...

oh, that makes sense. well i guess i’ll take you up on the offer ^^

You see the three dots going for a while before another message appears.

I saw you retweeted my picture.

Your heart skips a beat.

oh god, now i feel embarrassed all of a sudden!

No don’t be. I'm glad you like it.

You smile to yourself.

yea, you look really good in lingerie ...you look good in anything tbh or without anything lmao

You feel like you're about to say something really embarrassing if this conversation continues and quickly type up another message before he can respond.

i’m really tired so i’m going to get ready for bed

The three dots disappear for a moment before showing up again.

Shame, I would have liked talking more. But I understand, you looked really exhausted during the post interview.

yea i was but it’s no biggie and we can message later ❤

Okay then, sleep well ____.

good night 😴

You close out of the app after that and honestly, that went way better than you were expecting.

[makeste]

is it too late now to say sorry

anon I agree with almost all of this for the most part, but if you don’t mind I would like to come to Kacchan’s defense here a little bit. while he absolutely does need to apologize to Izuku, there are reasons why he hasn’t done so yet which boil down to a lot more than simply “he’s still a dick.”

anyway, so for my next trick, I will take the thesis statement of “Kacchan is afraid to apologize to Deku for both selfish and unselfish reasons, and Deku doesn’t realize how much he needs to hear the apology because he pays no attention to his own needs”, and somehow transform that into a 3500 word rant lol.

first of all, I’ve said this before, but on the topic of whether or not Katsuki actually needs to apologize to Deku at all, my answer is an emphatic “yes.” is it necessary in order for him to earn Deku’s forgiveness? no. in fact I’m pretty sure Deku has already forgiven him. because that kid doesn’t have a petty bone in his body (not that wanting an apology from your friend who basically turned on you and made your life miserable for ten years and told you to go kill yourself is in any way petty at all), and because he has staunchly held on to what he could of their relationship throughout that entire time, hoping that one day they could somehow be friends again. Kacchan never stopped being “Kacchan” to him. Deku never stopped caring about him. and that goes beyond him simply being a good person; there’s also just an attachment there, for lack of a better word, that he is simply unwilling to give up. their friendship is that important to him. Kacchan is that important to him.

but just because Katsuki is almost guaranteed forgiveness from Izuku doesn’t mean the apology isn’t still owed. putting aside that it’s really the least he could do, I think an apology is also necessary in order for their friendship to ever move past the level it’s currently stuck at, for one simple reason: Izuku doesn’t actually know that Katsuki cares.

more specifically, he doesn’t know that Katsuki actually cares about him. because Katsuki, for various reasons which I’ll get to momentarily, has done such a spectacular job of hiding this fact that he even fooled a lot of us for a very long time. before chapter 284 came along, there was hardly any evidence at all that Katsuki actually cared about Izuku as a person beyond just the requisite, bare minimum level of “well I don’t actually want you to die or anything, because I’m not a complete shithead.”

because he hides it. and he hides it on purpose, which is a mind-blowing revelation I’m still only just starting to wrap my head around. it’s an act. all of his continued hostility toward Izuku since the Endeavor internship arc -- and possibly going even further back than that; possibly going all the way back to their second Ground Beta fight -- has been an act. here he is, continuing to bitch at him at every turn and basically doing everything he can to remind Izuku that They Are Rivals And Nothing More, and he has played that role so perfectly that hardly anyone suspected what was actually going on.

he cares about Izuku. not just subconsciously on a level where he’s in denial about it, but to a fully conscious and aware degree. he’s dedicated himself to helping Izuku as his way of trying to make amends. that’s a decision he consciously made, something he’s given a lot of thought to. he worries about Izuku. he worries about his selflessness and his recklessness and that one day he’ll take it too far and it will go terribly wrong. he worries about One For All and All For One, and about the legacy his friend has inherited that’s so much bigger than him, and which he knows Izuku won’t hesitate to sacrifice himself for if it ever comes to that. he worries. he cares.

and Izuku does not know this. and he deserves to know this. and that’s why the apology is so important. not because it’s a magic sentence that will miraculously restore the ten years of friendship and trust that was lost between them, or heal the ten years of pain and misery that Izuku went through alone and friendless, because nothing can ever restore or heal that. as a gesture, an apology is nice, but it’s also fairly useless, at least on its own. it’s meaningless without action to support it, and rather pales in significance when held up against the LITERAL DECADE of misery that it’s trying to make up for.

but the reason it’s still so, so important in spite of all this is because Izuku doesn’t know that Katsuki cares about him. he doesn’t know that their friendship isn’t just one-sided. he does know that Katsuki is a good person, and that he has a good core beneath his prickly exterior. and he’s more adept than most people at seeing past Katsuki’s outer shell of bullshit and understanding what lies beneath. but he has a blind spot, and that blind spot is himself.

he hasn’t made the connection between “Kacchan is a good person who cares about other people and is trying to do the right thing” to “Kacchan cares about me.” because Kacchan has been diligent in making sure that every time Izuku does start to make that connection, that he shoots it back down and disproves it as vehemently as he can.

which, just to be clear, is actually a huge load of bull, as we now know. huh.

but anyway. the point is that Katsuki is still hiding this part of himself from Izuku. the fact that he actually cares. the fact that their friendship is reciprocated on a level that goes beyond just rivalry and shared secrets and a mutual admiration for All Might. Izuku doesn’t know yet how much Katsuki cares about him, and he deserves to know.

and that’s why the apology is important. not because the words themselves are important, but because he deserves to know that Katsuki is sorry. he deserves to know that Katsuki cares about him. he deserves to know that he’s valued, that Katsuki sees him as someone who has value. he deserves that. and that, more than anything else, is why the apology is needed, and why it’s important for him to actually hear those words. because Katsuki was spot on when he said that Izuku doesn’t see himself in the way that he should, and I think he needs this to help him understand a little better just how much value he actually has.

so that’s part one of my rant! and now we move on to part two, which can basically be summarized as “okay but then WHY has Katsuki not just FUCKING APOLOGIZED TO HIM ALREADY.” because yeah, though. at the end of the day, this is all on him. and he does care, and he is sorry. so then what is still holding him back??

and that... is complicated. and it basically boils down to four things.

1. it’s insufficient.

ten years. all the way back to when they were four years old and Izuku first learned that he didn’t have a quirk. ten years of Katsuki bullying him and distancing himself from him. ten years of pain and isolation and unhappiness that Izuku absolutely did not deserve.

and yes, it ultimately stemmed from a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make it right in the least. there’s absolutely no justification for it. Katsuki knew that it was wrong and he acted like that nonetheless. and anyone who says that Izuku in any way brought it on himself, that it’s in any way his fault or that he invited it on himself by not leaving Katsuki alone -- you can miss me with that, tbh. he was a child and he was lonely and confused and didn’t understand why his best friend had suddenly turned his back on him. this was the most vulnerable period in his life, and the person who should have had his back ended up being the person who made it even worse for him instead. and even after Izuku grew out of the so-called stalking and actually did mind his own business, and just admired Katsuki from a distance -- that still wasn’t enough to appease Katsuki either. even just the mere mention of Izuku wanting to go to U.A. was enough to set him off worse than ever before. that was absolutely not Izuku’s fault in any way, and I’m positive that even Katsuki himself would agree. Katsuki was terrible. I can’t emphasize enough just how terrible he was.

so yeah. ten years of that. and now Katsuki finally realizes just how awful it was. and he’s sorry! and he regrets it, a lot, and he wants to atone for it.

but now here’s problem number one: when you put it up in comparison to ALL OF THAT, an apology just feels overwhelmingly inadequate. almost laughably so. and Katsuki may be a bit emotionally dense (although perhaps less so than we always thought), but he’s sharp enough to realize this much, at least. it’s almost pathetic to simply try saying “I’m sorry” after all of that, and expect it to mean anything at all. it’s not enough. it’s so much not enough that I imagine he must almost feel helpless just imagining it. the weight of everything he’s done is so much, and an apology isn’t enough to undo any of it. it’s not even close.

Katsuki isn’t someone who backs down from things easily, but the sheer scale of the mistakes he’s trying to grapple with now is enough to give just about anyone pause. how do you even begin to address something like that? how can you even begin to make up for it? and Katsuki isn’t stupid, and I have to imagine that everything he saw during that first week of interning with Endeavor only cemented this for him. an apology simply isn’t enough. not for something like this.

2. it’s unfamiliar.

reason number two! and this one is a bit selfish on his part, yeah. but Katsuki is still just a kid too. and his falling out with Izuku didn’t only have a negative impact on Izuku; it hurt Katsuki as well. he lost that friendship too. he thought Izuku was looking down on him, and I’m certain that hurt him a lot more than he ever let on. if you trust someone and care about them only to have them turn on you like that (even though he got it wrong and it was ultimately all just in his head) -- that hurts. it’s not a coincidence that he became closed off and mean afterwards, and that even now he’s resistant to letting other people get close to him. for all that it was more or less self-inflicted, it still had a huge impact.

but now he’s learned that Izuku was never looking down on him at all and that he had it wrong this whole time. and as a result, he’s gotten this chance now to try and rebuild the childhood friendship that he almost destroyed. and make no mistake, this is something he wants too. it’s not just Izuku who’s grateful to have this chance to have normal interactions with the other again. this is something both of them value, and Katsuki doesn’t want to ruin it this time.

so he’s picking up where he left off! only the thing is, this involves him reverting to a blueprint that hasn’t been updated since the two of them were four years old, lol. “normal” for them is him being a bossy little snot, and Izuku happily shrugging it off with all of his limitless nerdy enthusiasm as they go about their various misadventures together. it’s a script that hasn’t changed since they were children, and one they’re both still more than content to use, but it is an outdated script nonetheless. Katsuki is playing the role that Izuku expects him to play. and it’s not like he’s being dishonest or anything like that, because that’s still him; he’s still his same old short-tempered, argumentative self, and it’s not like his personality has done a complete 180 or anything like that.

but at the same time, there’s a calmer side to him now which he is deliberately keeping hidden from Izuku because it’s off-script for them. it’s unfamiliar ground. with Izuku, he’s always been this Kacchan:

and again, it’s not like he isn’t actually that person, especially when it comes to his old rival. but at the same time, there’s another side to him that he rarely if ever lets Izuku in particular see. Izuku never sees the quiet Kacchan who avoids other people’s eyes while he fiddles with his water bottle and calmly asks questions about the OFA successors. Izuku never sees the insightful Kacchan who opens up about his own regrets and weaknesses. there’s a level of emotional intimacy, for lack of a better term, that Katsuki has been unwilling to let them cross into. and if I had to guess why, my guess would be that it’s because Katsuki is afraid that changing up the formula now will lead to unfamiliar territory which may or may not end up completely upending their relationship just as it’s starting to grow into something actually solid again.

which brings me to reason #3!

3. he’s afraid.

Katsuki already experienced what it was like to fall out with Izuku. and again, for all that he was the cause of it, and that Izuku had it much, much worse, that doesn’t change the fact that it was a pretty terrible experience for him as well.

and look, we know Katsuki is afraid of losing Izuku. that’s confirmed canon now. he actually admitted that he was worried about Izuku, and that Izuku’s tendency to recklessly disregard his own wellbeing unsettled him and made him want to keep his distance. and he sacrificed himself to save Izuku’s life!! and did it automatically, unthinkingly, because the decision-making on his part was so fast it didn’t even register. that’s how much he cares. enough that his desire to protect Izuku now ranks higher than his own self-preservation.

and when something is that important to you, you will fight not to lose it. and Katsuki does not want to lose this. Izuku is important to him. by extension that means their friendship is important to him. and he wants to preserve that.

and the thing is, the apology is an obstacle to that. and he knows it. he knows he has to face it at some point, because he can’t atone without it. he has to take responsibility for what he did. he can’t keep running away from it forever.

but he also knows the potential consequences. he knows that apologies don’t always end in reconciliation. he knows falling-outs don’t always have a happy ending. he knows that forgiveness isn’t automatic, and that years of pain don’t just disappear just like that. and he recently got to see firsthand one possible way how it might all turn out.

he knows Izuku doesn’t have to forgive him. he knows Izuku might not forgive him. and he knows that he probably doesn’t deserve Izuku’s forgiveness, and that ultimately he does not have a say in the matter one way or the other. it’s Izuku’s choice, at the end of the day, and whatever he chooses Katsuki is going to have to accept it.

but you can know all of that, and accept the fact that you’re going to have to take responsibility, and yet still be afraid to face it. and yes, maybe it’s selfish of him to feel that way. but that selfishness is also human. it’s human to fear rejection, and it’s human to go through the various stages of trying to postpone having to face that. Katsuki is a brave kid, but he is just a kid, still. and this is going to be very hard for him to do. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still have to be done. but I feel for him and I have a lot of empathy for the situation he’s currently in.

and there is also one last reason why I think he’s putting it off as well, and it just so happens that this reason actually isn’t selfish at all.

4. he doesn’t want false forgiveness.

and this one is ironically kind of at odds with reason #3! Katsuki fears the possibility of Izuku not forgiving him... but at the same time, I think that strangely enough, there’s also a part of him that fears being forgiven, just like that. easily and gladly and unconditionally, with the trademark selflessness that defines so many of Izuku’s other decisions.

“he just... deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

Izuku rarely if ever takes himself into consideration, and Katsuki knows this. he’s selfless to a fault, and Katsuki knows this. and so if Katsuki were to come up to him and apologize, there’s the possibility that yes, Izuku might decide not forgive him. he might in fact be all “nah, you know what, fuck you,” as would certainly be within his rights.

but this is a very remote possibility, and we all know it. and Katsuki knows it too, I think. because that’s not who Izuku is. he puts other people’s welfare above his own, every time. and so if Katsuki were to break down and tell Izuku that he was sorry, and if he were to ask him for forgiveness, nine times out of ten that is something that Izuku grants instantly. this is the same kid who put his own life at risk to try and save Katsuki less than an hour after Katsuki told him to dive off a roof. Izuku’s instinct is to protect and save. and so if he sees that Katsuki is hurting; if he sees that Katsuki feels guilty for what he’s done and that it’s eating away at him in much the same way as when he was blaming himself for Kamino -- he is going to do what he always does. he is going to try and save him.

and he would do that even if it meant shoving down his own pain. he absolutely would. he would prioritize Katsuki’s feelings over his own. and if he did still feel any lingering resentment at how cruelly he was treated, he would still put it aside if need be. and he would forgive him.

in other words, the risk exists that Izuku might grant Katsuki forgiveness that he doesn’t actually feel. if Katsuki is granted Izuku’s forgiveness, he doesn’t have any way to actually tell for sure if it’s real. there would be that element of doubt there, that question of whether or not it’s really sincere. and something like that could ultimately poison their relationship, if things were allowed to play out that way. it would prevent them from being fully able to trust each other. ultimately, it might lead to them drifting apart again, and something like that might ultimately be even more painful than Izuku rejecting Katsuki’s apology outright. and there’s also an argument to be made that Izuku doesn’t deserve to be put on the spot like that, and forced to make that decision one way or the other when he might not be ready to yet. so there’s that to consider as well.

so yeah. four reasons why Katsuki has not apologized to Izuku yet. and they are good reasons, in my book. complicated reasons, too. but none of that changes the fact that at the end of the day this is still something he has to do. his current way of trying to atone through action is great, don’t get me wrong! and it’s necessary too for sure, because like I said, the apology just on its own is never going to be enough. he needs to commit to doing the right thing, and trying his best to make it right between them from here on out. and saving his life is certainly a decent start! but you still gotta say the words too eventually bro.

but there is just a ton of stuff at play here and I find it all fascinating tbh. they are just so, so bad at communicating with each other. and the thing is, they both actually want the same thing! but they want it so badly that ironically it’s almost holding them back right now, because they don’t want to put it at risk. but ultimately this is a leap of faith that Katsuki in particular is going to have to take sooner rather than later in order to finally restore that last bit of trust between the two of them.

so yeah. just two stupid teenage boys who fail at emotions, and who are probably overdue for another of their famous Get It All Out In The Open stupid shounen therapy battles lmao. round 3, featuring Deku’s new robot arms vs Katsuki and his shiny new “like father like son” All Might torso scar. sob.

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust pt.7 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: It’s the night of the party and Y/N is having seconds thoughts about going but her friend Kim convinces her to go and have fun. While things get more complicated with Peter, Y/N and Josh get closer at the party. 

Word Count: MF 7.7K ( This is my longest piece I-)

Author’s note: YALL HERE WE ARE! THE BIG OOPSIE DOOPSIE OF LOVEDUST! This is probably my favorite part that I have written so far- it’s fairly long but boy did my heart HURT. I would say we have about maybe 2-3 chapters left give or take and I’m so bummed the story is almost over :(. Thank you all for being incredibly kind, your support means so much I can’t thank you guys enough. ALSO hehe there’s a lil easter egg from the first chapter and the chapter with Y/N having a nightmare. If yall pay attention to some of the wording at the end...

Warnings: Underage drinking, adult language, angst, mentions of death

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || epilogue

You wanted it to be a normal night, one that in hindsight, would’ve worked out in your favor if you were normal to begin with. You weren’t the partying type or maybe, you just convinced yourself that it wasn’t the case since you were hardly invited to them to begin with. 

As if it made any sense, you felt eerily similar to Cinderella at this moment; even though she was one of the worst princesses in your opinion, you still sympathized with her story. The idea of wanting nothing more than to leave the confines of her dusty attic to dress pretty for a ball was something you could sadly relate to. 

While the Avengers complex was by far well above the average means, it was Cinderella longing for just one night away from her complicated life that made you see the story in a different light. 

But after years of wondering what it would be like to go to a real party (now that you were offered the chance to go) it wasn’t the way you dreamed it would be. As you stood in front of your closet, recalling the times you had put on outfits that you thought would be the perfect party attire just seemed like pieces of cloth, nothing more and nothing less. 

Because you didn’t care about the stupid party. You cared about Peter. 

You had put so much blame on him for everything; his feelings that he couldn’t control and his past which he apologized for multiple times. When you had the chance to fix everything, you were too scared to be vulnerable with him and admit that maybe you were falling for him. 

You weren’t a coward, you wanted to convince yourself that you could still move on and have fun without thinking of him but you felt almost embarrassed that you were feeling the opposite. 

“ I don’t want to go anymore. This isn’t right,” You sighed as you turned to your phone that was propped up against your dresser,” I can’t just leave him here while I go off to some party.”

You watched Kim through the facetime call as she put down her mascara to take a second to look at you,” Y/N, you have been talking about this party all week. Hell, I gave you that blue top that makes your boobs look great and you even said you couldn’t wait to wear it to the party!”

You only hummed in response as you moved aside the hangers in your closet to find the top that Kim had let you borrow. 

“ We mentally prepared for this, we watched Superbad and Booksmart in one night to get the full spectrum of high school parties and we even practiced how to play beer pong!”

“ That was on our phones, I’m sure it’s different in real life,” You sighed as you took off your shirt and slipped on Kim’s blue blouse,” I just feel awful about going to a party knowing Peter is just gonna be here all night.” 

“ Y/N, you deserve this party. You’ve worked your ass off for four years and I know how badly you wanted to go ever since we got uninvited to that one theatre party where Timothy Chalamete supposedly showed up to. I know you feel guilty about Peter and yeah, you kinda fucked things up, for now, but you deserve a goddamn break,” Kim practically yelled through the screen, doing her best to hype you up,” if you don’t go, you’re gonna regret it, you and I both know that. So just get dressed, do your hair all cute and shit, put on makeup or whatever you do and go have fun at this party with Josh.”

“ Fuck, Josh! I completely forgot about him, he’s supposed to pick me up in an hour!” You said as you suddenly felt a wave of nerves come over you,” what do I do about Josh? What if he tries to make a move on me tonight?”

“ Do you want him to make a move?”

“ I don’t know...not really but then again, I wouldn’t mind. Don’t hate me cause I know this sounds shitty, but maybe I need a distraction from Peter...is that awful?” You asked as you slipped off your pajama pants and rummaged through your dresser for jeans,” don’t answer that, I know that’s awful to say. Am I turning into a fuckboy?”

“ If you feel empathy than no, you’re not turning into a fuckboy,” Kim laughed as you found a pair of jeans to slip into,” look, I know how you feel about Peter and if you see yourself wanting to be with him than this thing you have with Josh won’t happen. At the same time, even if you do like Peter and you want to have fun with Josh for a night, you’re not a shitty person for wanting that. You’ve been through the wringer with Peter and to be honest, Josh is literally a goddamn angel so I don’t blame you for seeing him as an option. Either way, you’re hot, smart as fuck, and you are a fucking Stark; you don’t owe Peter or Josh anything so do what you want to do because you deserve it.” 

Kim was every protagonist’s wet dream; the side character who had more to offer every time and yet, she practically thrived off of hyping you up. You knew that she had a point, she always did. 

A part of you could tell which way she was leaning in terms of who you would go out with and yet, she only cared that you were making the right choice for yourself and your own happiness. 

“ You really are a ride or die friend,” You said honestly as Kim smiled back,” I’m going to get ready but I’ll see you there okay?” 

“ Will do girlfriend!”

Once the facetime call ended, you leaned back in your chair and stared at yourself in the mirror. 

You didn’t know what your intentions would be for the night and even though Kim had said you wouldn’t be a bad person if you had fun with Josh, you knew you would still feel shitty doing so, especially when you knew that you had strong feelings for Peter. 

As you fixed up your hair, all you could do was replay the conversation with Peter in the rain and how close you were to confessing everything. Looking back, you knew you were stupid for running away, if you really liked him than what was the problem of letting him know how you felt?

Because you knew once he was cured, he wouldn’t share the same feelings for you. 

In every sense of the lovedust, the way Peter felt about you wasn’t natural and yet, it was the lovedust that really made you like Peter back. 

You were just saving yourself from future heartbreak and given your past relationships, you had a reason to be hesitant in being that vulnerable with another guy. 

And yet, you still feel like you owed Peter an explanation. 

You got up from your seat and walked out of your bedroom, making a beeline towards his room. You were sure he was done with testing at this point but after knocking on his door a few times, there still wasn’t a response. 

You opened the bedroom door to find his room completely empty with everything neatly tucked in place as if he was cleaning up for a guest. 

The complex was big but you knew you would run into sometime before Josh showed up so you walked straight out and went to the elevators to make your way up to the labs. As you pressed the elevator button, you felt some unease sitting at the pit of your stomach. 

Something felt off, whether it be your natural woman inclination or just the fact that you were nervous to confront Peter. 

The elevator doors slid open and you walked in before you pressed the button to the designated floor like it was second nature.

Just breath, you’re fine, why are you freaking out?

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and once you pulled it out, you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw Josh’s contact name pop up. 

Josh: I just left my apartment! I’ll see you in 20 min!

Your stomach shifted once again as you replied back before stuffing your phone back into your front pocket. 

Twenty minutes. 

That was enough time to confess to Peter right? 

The elevator doors opened to the lab and you walked towards the main zone with a slow pace, as if the anticipation would suddenly make you feel less nervous. 

Once you rounded the corner to where your dad and Banner were usually working on Peter, you found the room to be completely empty besides for a few lab technicians who were working rather quickly. 

You took a moment to give one last look into the lab before going down the hallway to peek into the other glass rooms to try and find Peter. You had a feeling that maybe you should’ve checked the gym before coming all the way up to the labs but once you found yourself in front of the last room, you spotted your dad and Banner walking out with grim faces. 

“ Dad? Is everything okay?” You asked as their heads whipped around to turn to you,” have you two seen Peter anywhere?” 

You studied your dad’s face carefully but he gave no inclination of what the situation was, a talent he had grown accustomed to since he was your age. You gave up on your dad and watched Banner’s face, a face you always had a talent of reading easily. 

He kept his eye contact anywhere but towards your direction and the collar around his neck was wet, a sign that he was stressed out.

“ Banner, where’s Peter?” You asked again as you looked up at him before moving your eyes toward the room they had just walked out of,” is he in there?” 

“ He’s-”

“Resting. He’s had a day full of tests so we put him in one of the hospital beds just to keep an eye on him,” Your dad interrupted as you watched Banner gulp,” it’s not a big deal kiddo.”

Liar. 

“ Okay...well if it’s not a big deal than I’m gonna go check up on him to make sure he’s okay,” You said wearily as you tried to walk in between your dad and Banner but he took a step to block you. 

“ Y/N, he’s not feeling well-”

“ Why are you lying?” You asked as you looked back at Banner,” what are you two not telling me?”

Your dad kept up the charade and sighed as if he was annoyed,” Kiddo, he’s K.O’d for the night. You know, lots of tests and meds that’ll have him relaxed for a few hours. Maybe you should check up on him tomorrow.” 

You could tell he was trying so hard to keep up the lie and while your dad was a phenomenal liar, you were smart enough to see right through his act. 

All you could do was nod as you played coy,” Okay, that’s fine. Oh! I wanted to let you know I’m going to that party tonight so I won’t be home until later.”

As you were studying Tony, he was doing the same right back at you. It was like a game of chess; who would break first, who had the upper hand, and who was going to make the next move without disrupting their own game. 

“ Alright, just be safe than. Be back before eleven,” Tony said as he patted your shoulder and started walking with you back to the elevator, his hand almost leading you away from the door,” Remember; Beer before liquor, never been sicker.”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to know what was wrong with Peter. 

You stopped in your tracks as you turned around to face your dad and Banner, who was still avoiding your gaze. You knew something was up, it was painfully obvious and you weren’t going to just turn over and accept defeat. 

“ Would you ever lie to me?” You asked as your dad inhaled sharply, immediately shaking his head without a second thought,” okay.” 

You peeked your eyes back to the door and before you knew it, you ducked under your dad’s arm and ran over to the room where you were sure they were hiding Peter away. 

“ Y/N, stop!” 

You ran even faster as you practically slid against the tiled floor before throwing open the door to find Peter in the hospital bed. A huge heart monitor was connected to the side that had immediately spiked when you entered the room. 

“ Y/N? What are you doing here?” Peter asked as he sat up in his bed as your eyes traveled to several IV’S that were attached to his forearm. 

The first thing you focused on was how pale he looked. Whatever the hospital gown couldn’t cover showed almost a ghostly touch to his usual lush color. Since the lovedust, he had always had a blushful expression, accessorized with flushed cheeks or red tinted ears but now, there was none of that. 

You could hear your dad and Banner behind you but before your dad could drag you back, you could hear Banner talking your dad out of it to ‘give the kids some time.’ 

You didn’t even bother saying thank you as the door shut behind you, leaving you and Peter alone in the room. You were almost scared to come closer to him, he didn’t look like himself at all. 

You looked towards the heart monitor again which caused Peter’s heart rate to spike up with the thought alone. 

“ Tell me what happened,” You finally said as you made your way over to sit on the edge of Peter’s bed,” it’s serious, isn’t it?” 

Peter swallowed nervously but shrugged like it was nothing,” Your dad was there before anything bad happened.”

You shook your head, you weren’t going to get any information out of him like this. You turned to the side of his hospital bed and picked up a clipboard with his medical information. Peter tried grabbing it out of your hands but you stared him down, as if to say ‘ don’t try me.’ 

Peter backed down as your eyes scanned the sheet carefully, trying to decipher all of the medical lingoes that were vaguely familiar from watching Grey’s Anatomy. 

You felt your breath hitch as you read over the same diagnosis. 

“ You had an acute heartattack because of me, didn’t you?” You finally said as you carefully placed the clipboard on the desk beside you,” because of our argument... and you weren’t going to tell me.” 

“ Y/N, there was no reason to worry you-”

“ You’re so stupid Peter, why wouldn’t I be worried for you? You think an acute heartattack is something as normal as a fucking cold?” You snapped as you watched his heart rate rise. You took a deep breath and ran your fingers through your hair to calm yourself down,” I’m killing you. Loving me is literally killing you Peter.”

Peter watched your gaze fall back to the IV’S while he kept his eyes on you the whole time. You looked absolutely defeated and he didn’t blame you. The way you stared at his arm made him feel like you were trying to somehow reverse the lovedust, as if you could take his pain away. 

And yet, what you didn’t know was that Tony had just come in minutes before you to announce that yes, you could actually take the pain away forever. 

“ What about you? Is it killing you?” Peter asked as you tore your eyes away from his IV’s and locked your gaze on him.

“ Seeing you like this? Of course it’s killing me, I’m not that cruel Parker.”

“ No,” Peter swallowed dryly,” is it killing you that you might love me?” 

Your first instinct was to laugh. What kind of sick joke was coming out his mouth? You tried to force any sound, anything that was a resemblance of something from English translation but your brain mentally stuttered. 

It was as if your mind and words went on pause to let your thoughts catch up to you. Were you really that easy to read or did Peter know you better than you know yourself? 

“ How do I answer that?” You asked quietly as Peter was quick with a reply. 

“ You answer it honestly.”

“ Oh, because you have been so honest with me?”

“ You haven’t been telling me the truth either. You’re a lot of things Y/N, but you’re not innocent.” 

“ Oh yeah? What am I then? Since you clearly know so much about me,” You replied to somehow detour the conversation. 

Peter gladly took the bait as he chuckled,” You’re stubborn. You’re the most stubborn girl I have ever met in my entire life and I love that about you. It makes things interesting knowing that you don’t roll over for anyone, even when you know you’re wrong.” 

You only hummed, he had a point. You had learned that from Tony and you weren’t ashamed about it one bit. 

“ Well, I love how foolishly selfless you are. You always put everyone else’s feelings before yours even when your health is at stake,” You said back as Peter’s smile faltered. 

Oh how spot on you were. 

Cause in this moment now, Peter was between a rock and a hard place. He had information that you didn’t have, information that would seemingly fix everything and yet, he didn’t want you to know. 

The cure for the lovedust. 

“ You’re keeping something from me, aren’t you?” You said after studying his expression for a moment as Peter released his bottom lip that he was holding in between his teeth nervously. 

Yes. 

“ I think you’re the one not being honest with your feelings,” Peter said as a matter of fact,” why won’t you admit it?”

You wanted to swallow your pride because damn it, you didn’t want a repeat of earlier. You didn’t want to chicken out but could you afford to be vulnerable again?

“ Peter...I don’t want to admit anything until you’re in the right state of mind,” You finally said, which was the most honest answer you could give,” after all, we both know what you’re feeling for me isn’t the same as how I feel for you...it’s a side effect of the dust.”

Peter only nodded, even though there was so much to say to you. Peter felt like he was in a slowburn novel, but damn, even at this point there had to be more to give right? If this was a story of two people who were meant to be together, then why the hell is it taking so long? 

If Peter could have it his way, he would rewrite it to where they could be happily ever after in the first chapter but sadly, this was real life and there wasn’t that kind of luxury. 

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” Peter said bitterly as his sympathetic smile faded,” just a side effect.” 

You both understood. As things stood now, it was more of a standstill than anything. A pause, a pitstop, anything to halt whatever momentum the two of you shared.  You felt absolutely broken that he admitted it, his “love” for you wouldn’t ever be the same as however, you felt about him in that moment. 

Just like that, you both knew you were doomed from the start.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and you already knew it was Josh. You inhaled deeply as you gave Peter’s hand a squeeze before rising from his bed,” I’m gonna go but if anything happens, call me okay?” 

“ Same goes for you. Be safe,” Peter said in almost a whisper as you nodded before turning to the door. 

You walked out of the room and leaned against the door for a moment collecting your thoughts. You ignored the gaze of Banner and your dad and seemingly walked through the two without batting an eye. 

Tony felt guilty knowing that you had caught him in a lie but he really thought he was doing his daughter a favor. Once he knew you were gone, Tony walked through the door to find Peter deep in thought. 

Tony shut the door behind him and walked over, taking a seat in the chair beside Peter’s bed. No one said anything for a moment but Peter was the one to break the silence first. 

“ I didn’t tell her about the cure. I don’t think she would even want to...” Peter admitted as Tony nodded. 

Tony crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, his mind wandering in every direction,” Good call. Thor said our time is fleeting so we need to make sure it works.” 

Peter shifted nervously in his spot,” You and Banner won’t stop finding a different cure though, right? Just in case?” 

“ Yeah, just in case.” 

                                                       -------

“ You look nervous,” Josh pointed out once the two of you pulled up into the driveway of Amber’s house,” did you want to wait a second before we walk in?” 

You shook your head as you tried to swallow any nerves that were building up in your throat. You couldn’t believe you were actually about to go to a party after everything that has been going on. 

“ No, I’m fine...It sounds stupid but I don’t really do parties so this is all kinda new,” You admitted as you took in another deep breath. 

“ It’s not stupid at all. If it makes you feel any better, I usually get pretty antsy before preforming but now that I know you’re going to watch me, I feel less nervous,” Josh smiled warmly as you started to feel your senses ease,” parties aren’t as scary as you think. Yeah, there are always a lot of people I don’t know but seeing a familiar face is always reassuring.” 

Josh had a way of calming you down that no other person could do so easily. You wondered if someone else had said the same thing to you like Kim or Peter and if it would have the same effect but maybe it was just exclusively Josh that had that sort of charm. 

“ Okay, I’m ready.”

The funny thing was, you really thought you were ready until you stepped into her house. The floor vibrated along to the beat of whatever song was blasting along the speakers and the smell of alcohol and weed felt almost suffocating. You were immediately overwhelmed with the amount of people already there and of course, you hardly recognized anyone from school. 

“ Here, hold on tight,” Josh intertwined his fingers with yours as he led you both through the crowd of teenagers almost too effortlessly. 

He led you outside and you thanked god the stage that was set up for his band was in the backyard. You walked along the poolside, following closely behind him before you felt someone splash you with water. 

“ Hey what- Kim!” You shouted excitedly as you let go of Josh’s hand to crouch down beside the pool to where Kim was swimming in just her bra and underwear,” you’re not even wearing a swimsuit? You dirty bitch.”

Kim laughed as she rested her hands against the edge of the pool,” Took you two long enough. Joshua, how are you this evening?” 

“ It’s going good Kimberly, I hope you’re enjoying yourself,” Josh teased back as Kim playfully rolled her eyes,” Y/N, I’m gonna check in with the guys real quick. Are you cool to stay here for a second?”

You nodded and shooed Josh with your hand,” Go, I’ll be fine.”

Josh gave you one last nod before jogging over to where his band was setting up. His bandmates had seen you walking over hand in hand with you and were now giving Josh hard pats on his back, as if to say ‘ nice job.’ 

“ He’s so respectful it physically hurts. Like I know the bar is so low for men but Josh checks every box. It’s annoying,” Kim sighed as you dragged a lawn chair from the grass and put it next to the edge of the pool to continue talking to your friend,” I would kill to be in your shoes right now. Oh to have two, brown-eyed guys fawn over me!” 

You couldn’t help but laugh as Kim dramatically placed her hand over her forehead and all you could do was shake your head,” Whatever, you didn’t even like Peter. You said so yourself he was a total douchebag.” 

“ Was a total douchebag and look, not that it’s any competition but I’m hashtag, team Peter. I’m a sucker for a good enemies to lovers trope,” Kim sighed as you felt your chest tighten up at her proclamation. 

You moved your eyes away from Kim as Josh came back over to you,” Did you want me to get you a drink?”

“ Thank goodness yes-”

“Y/N you should go with him,” Kim insisted as you turned to give her an odd look,” don’t get me wrong Joshua, I trust you but ya know, parties and alcohol and...men. Just to be extra safe.” 

You wanted to drown Kim on the spot for even insinuating that Josh would do something as terrible as spiking your drink but luckily, Josh gave a sincere nod. 

“ Of course, that’s not a problem. Men really are the worst,” Josh said casually as the two gave each other a little salute,” ready Y/N?”

Josh interlocked his hand with yours once again as he led you back into the house and through the kitchen as some people called out to greet him. 

“ Look at you Mr. Popular,” You teased as Josh squeezed your hand before opening up the fridge.

“ This is your first time drinking right?” Josh asked as you nodded, almost embarrassed,” Hey, that’s alright. You and I are gonna stick to the light stuff tonight, these taste better anyway.”

Josh pulled out three bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and popped off the bottlecaps with a bottle opener before pouring it straight into two plastic cups. 

He tucked the third bottle underneath his arm as you watched him curiously. Josh caught you eyeing his actions as he handed you the cup carefully. 

“ Why not just drink it straight from the bottle?” You asked as you watched Josh take a sip,” I feel like we’re hurting the environment.” 

“ Looks cooler in a red solo cup,” Josh admitted bashfully as he clinked his cup with yours. 

You took a small sip, expecting it to burn like how it was always described in coming of age books but surprisingly, the fizzy taste of citrus wasn’t overpowering in any way. Josh raised his eyebrows and playfully nudged your shoulder,” See! It’s good, right? If you drink enough of these, I’m sure anyone could get tipsy but the goal of this party is to actually remember it the next day.”

There was just something about Josh that made you feel so much safer than anyone else. He didn’t tease you for never having gone to a party before or having alcohol; if anything he did his best to make sure you were as comfortable as possible. 

“ You’re being unreasonably cool, you know that right?” 

Josh smiled as he reached for your hand instinctively for the third time that night,” Only for you baby.” 

Smooth smooth Josh. Like putty in his hands, he led you back to the backyard but the whole time, you felt your heart practically melt at him calling you baby. 

Was it pathetic how easily you leaned into his touch? Maybe. 

But god, he really did make things harder for you. You had come into this party with your eyes on another guy and yet, Josh always managed to turn up the charm whenever necessary and you ate it up. 

Josh might be the charming, golden boy but you knew you couldn’t be too naive. Everyone had flaws, maybe Josh’s was that he was too nice and too friendly, or possibly him being a complete lightweight was the only thing holding him back in life. 

Lucky bastard. 

Once you made it to the backyard, you found Kim with a towel around her body, sitting on one of the lawn chairs. Josh walked over and whistled at Kim to look up from her phone, to which he handed her the bottle of Mike’s and she sounded a quick thanks in response. 

“ I’m gonna warm up with the guys. We’re only going to play a quick set but after, I’m all yours,” Josh promised as his cheeks started to get red at his own words but he turned back around at an attempt to hide his face. 

You took a seat next to Kim as you felt your heart practically skip a beat,” He’s really something isn’t he?”

“ Mm, he’s something alright,” Kim sighed as she struggled to open up the bottle,” dumb bitch, he didn’t bring a bottle opener or something?” 

“ It’s the thought that counts!” You said back as Kim popped the bottle cap using the metal part of the lawn chair.

As you listened to Josh’s band start their first song, you couldn’t help but feel guilty on how you were feeling. A part of you was holding on to the idea of you and Peter being a possibility but things were always so complicated with him. 

There was more to lose in being with Peter and it was painfully obvious that Josh made things so incredibly easy. You didn’t need to walk on eggshells when you were with him and sure, things were new and always changing but Josh could eventually be a person you could lean on. 

You reminded yourself that Peter “loved” you and that you did feel something for him that Josh couldn’t make you feel, but it wasn’t real love and that alone completely sobered you up from your moodiness,” Cheers Kim.” 

She watched as you drank whatever was left in your cup but Kim only ooo’d, knowing it wasn’t enough to get you drunk. 

You shook your head as you tried to think of anything but Peter. Tonight was your night to be free and you didn’t want to have to worry about who would be waiting for you once you got back home. 

And yet, deep down, you wondered why a part of you felt like it wasn’t right to hold Josh’s hand. Maybe because you knew you liked holding Peter’s more. Even as you looked up at Josh who stole a few glances your way, you silently prayed that it was Peter up on that stage instead. 

“ I can’t do this,” You said after a second of overthinking everything as you pulled your phone out of your pocket,” I need to text him.” 

“ Um fuck no! No drunk texts, that shit is so embarrassing Y/N!”

“ This is less than 5% alcohol, I am definitely not drunk Kim,” You mumbled as you slapped her hand away and pulled out your phone to text Peter,” I thought you were on team Peter?” 

Y/N: I need you

Y/N: *address*

Kim watched as you texted Peter but before you could send it, Kim leaped out of her seat and snatched the phone out of your hand,” I swear-! Yes, I am a new fan of team Peter, although Josh is getting major brownie points, but I have been a loyal member of team Y/N way before anyone else. I’m doing you a favor, what is texting him going to solve?” 

You pouted as Kim slipped your phone into her bag, unbeknownst to the both of you that the message had accidentally sent. 

“ Now get the hell up and lets dance bitch!”

                                                         ------

You and Kim had perfected your mental state to a tee; not drunk enough to trip over air and make complete fools of yourselves but tipsy enough to where even the slightest look at each other was enough to make you break out into a fit of laughter. 

You still ‘danced like people were watching’ but you managed to still let loose enough to where the music flowed so freely between your fingertips. 

“ Josh you guys were great!” You shouted as you pulled him into a surprise hug, which he happily accepted,” I think I’m officially your number one fan now.”

“ Wait in line,” Kim scoffed playfully as she grabbed her bag from the floor,” I’m gonna go get a cheese plate or something. Don’t do anything gross while I’m gone.” 

You shot her a prompt ‘ why would you say that’ with your eyes before turning back to face Josh. You weren’t sure where things would go next but he took your hand and led you to the other side of the backyard to a wooden bench, claiming that he just wanted to rest a bit after singing for so long. 

The bench was small enough to where your thigh was against his but you didn’t mind the contact. 

“ Thanks for coming out by the way. I know these type of things are pretty overwhelming but I’ve been having fun so far. How about you?” Josh asked as you exhaled deeply. 

“ I’m glad I came...thank you again for convincing me to come out here. I feel like there’s been a lot of stuff going on at home and it’s kind of nice being a normal teenager for once,” You said honestly as Josh rolled his shoulders back. 

You could feel how nervous he was next to you but for the most part, he didn’t really show it from his facial expression. 

“ Can I ask you something?” 

You nodded, trying your best to be as cool as possible but all you could think about was how dry your mouth felt. 

Oh fuck, the million-dollar question was finally here, wasn’t it? Was he going to reveal his feelings? What if he was going to make a move?

“ Is there something going on between you and Peter? The other day when I came over, it felt...intense. I didn’t want to overstep by coming over or anything,” Josh hesitated as he tested the waters. 

Oh. 

Well fuck, that question was just as nerve-wracking as the others. You wanted to be as honest with Josh as possible but at the same time, you didn’t want to ruin any chances you had of possibly having him around if Peter didn’t work out. 

You knew that was such a shitty mindset but Josh had a way of making you feel so comfortable and you weren’t willing to let that go. 

“ I thought I had something with him but it’s complicated,” You answered honestly,” you saw him, he’s...sick and I feel like the sickness is making him feel things that aren’t actually there. I don’t know, it’s so weird to explain.” 

Josh bit his bottom lip nervously as he hung onto your every word,” So his feelings for you aren’t there like he thinks it is?” 

God, it sounded so simple the way Josh said it when it was so much worst in reality. Of course, it would be way easier to tell Josh everything from the toxic relationship you and Peter had to how the lovedust was emotionally and physically a toll on both of you. 

For obvious reason, you could never reveal that much to him. 

“ Yeah, exactly that,” You sighed, sounding a bit too disappointed and Josh had caught the shift in your voice,” feelings are always so complicated.”

“ Not all the time,” Josh said quickly as he caught himself,” I mean, liking someone doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes it’s really easy because love shouldn’t hurt, you know?” 

You only nodded because you could tell Josh had more to say. He took this opportunity to shift his body to fully face you and you scooted your back against the armrest so you could show him that you were attentive. 

“ I mean, when I like someone, all I think about is how much I like being around them. Everything else kind of just falls away and it feels all warm like how the books describe it,” Josh could feel a blush creep onto his cheeks yet again but he knew there was no point in covering it up now,” it’s a cliche but I think when you have a crush on someone, everything just falls into place... And I feel that when I’m with...you.”

Your heart practically drew closer to him because what is going on, this was different. Even though Peter had generally been saying the same things to you for days on end, this was more. 

There wasn’t some magic space dust that was making Josh confess his feelings, it was just pure humanistic drive to step out of one’s comfort zone that had tugged on Josh harder than ever before. 

As if time had slowed down, you watched closely as Josh placed his hand onto your knee before leaning in, getting dangerously close to your lips. Josh stopped only a mere centimeter before your lips touched, as if to give you a chance to back away and yet, you stood still. 

You were trying to make sense of what your heart and your gut were telling you but you thought back to Peter admitting to you that the love he felt for you was a side effect of the lovedust, nothing more and nothing less. 

Peter would never like you back. 

That’s what pushed you over the edge and so, you closed the gap between you and Josh as you kissed him back. You could feel Josh smiling against your lips but the pure sensation of the kiss didn’t last. 

Kim had witnessed everything in slow motion. The text from Peter, indicating that he had entered and was heading to the backyard to watching Josh lean in to kiss you. It was like a sick hypothetical they always asked in ethics classes when presenting the Trolley Dilemma and yet, she barely had enough time to make a decision. 

All she could do was shout but it was a little too late. Peter saw everything. 

He saw you close the space between your lips and Josh’s. He saw Josh smile against your lips. He saw you pull away before leaning in for more. 

Peter knew what was coming next, he practically braced for the pain that he knew was coming because just earlier the same day, he had a miniature version of it. But he never expected the pain to be this unbearable. 

His ribs felt like someone had just swung a bat into the center of his chest and he could feel every bone splitting into various small fragments that were too small to ever glue back together. Each little fragment of whatever was left had seemingly pierced his heart in a thousand different places as more and more pressure starting to build in his chest. 

He couldn’t even let out a cry for help, not even a whimper because no air could come in through his mouth. 

The fear alone made his chest tighten up to the point where he felt his lungs almost give in from inside of him. His vision was the next to get blotched out with a violent array of reds and oranges, moving at a fast kaleidoscopic rhythm that sent Peter deeper into a panic.

The last to give was his legs; the dizziness from the complete distortion had made his knees buckle from the pain, sending him straight into the pool. 

You heard Kim cry out first as she pushed her way through a crowd that was blocking the door. You moved away from Josh to find the commotion and even though you couldn't see who fell into the water, you knew deep down who it was. 

You ran over to the edge of the pool and without a second thought, you dived into the water. Josh quickly followed behind you; it took him only a second to kick off his shoes before he jumped in after you. 

What scared you the most was how eerily quiet it was underwater. You could hear some muffled shouts but that’s not what was so quiet. His body was motionless in the water, there was no sign of struggling or thrashing or convulsing like how it was in the movies. 

Everything just felt slow as you desperately reached your arms out to swim faster to him. You only had one focus once you wrapped your arms across his chest and kicked up to the surface. In your mind, you were already going through how you would start compressions on him once you reached the top. 

You were panicked and scared but you knew you had to pull yourself together, pushing away any thoughts of how far gone Peter could be. 

You broke the surface with Peter in your arms as you called out to someone, anyone to take him from your arms. Kim and one of Josh’s bandmates helped lift Peter’s lifeless body onto the concrete as Kim quickly called 9-1-1. 

Her hands were shaking as she tried to press the three buttons and after an eternity, they picked up the phone. 

You scrambled up from the pool and hovered over Peter’s body and without a second thought, you started doing CPR. 

For a moment, that’s all you were thinking. Like a machine, over and over again on an endless cycle, chest compressions, open his airway, give rescue breaths. When you found yourself thinking about how panicked everyone else was and how pale Peter looked underneath you, you continued to give compressions until you felt like your arms would snap from the pressure. 

You don’t know how much time has passed but enough to where there would’ve been a sign by now. You sobbed for Peter and kept calling out to him, your voice shaking like a child, the same child who lost her parents all those years ago. The same child who held that heavy towel, pressing it against her fathers chest to stop the bleeding- no. 

You couldn’t think about that, this was different. You could save him. You kept reminding yourself over and over as you did a round of chest compressions, opened his airway, and gave more rescue breaths. Over and over. Non-stop. 

Again and again without hesitation. 

At this point, you couldn't stop your mind from thinking of Peter and the possibility of him actually dead. How long was he under? What had happened before? He must’ve seen the kiss- oh my god you killed him. 

You can feel it, building up inside of you like an unstoppable path set ablaze like pure lava. 

You thought about never hearing his laugh again, the one where he would grip his sides so hard, he would wheeze like an old dog toy. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about him never calling out your name, whether it was followed by an insult or a loving comment about how you made him feel. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about never touching him again, his strong arms holding your shaking body when you had that awful nightmare or how perfect his hand fit in yours when you two walked together in the rain. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

You thought about never telling him how you actually felt, how stupid you were forever letting him get away because it was him all along. Chest compressions. Airway. Rescue breaths. 

It was always him. 

You were in love with Peter. 

And suddenly, almost finally, Peter jolted up and coughed up the water from his lungs. 

You stopped the compressions and held your own breath as Peter continued to cough up more water, his eyes squeezed shut. 

“ Peter? Can you hear me?” You called out between your choked cries as you snapped your fingers close to his ear.

After a moment, an agonizing moment, Peter nodded, as everyone else collectively let out the breath they didn’t know they were holding. Peter opened his eyes slowly, taking in everything like it was his first time seeing the world. 

“ Oh thank god, don’t worry, help is coming. Stay awake for me, okay?” You sighed in relief as you tucked a strand of wet hair behind your ear,” I’m so glad you’re okay.” 

When his eyes lock onto yours, he feels an odd sense of deja vu that he can’t explain. His chest isn’t tight anymore, his hands don’t feel as clammy as before, his mind feels almost cleared. 

He focused on your eyes while everything else drowned out around him. Your pupils, they’re big and they’re filled with a heavy deal of worry but there’s something else. Your eyes, he’s looked into them so many times before but why is it different? 

As shaken up as you are, you manage to cup his face carefully to console him, or more so yourself. Your hands are shaking but they’re warm against his cheek and he can’t help but reach his hand to lay across the hand that’s cupping his face. 

Peter feels his face flush, but this time it’s different, it’s...euphoric? Peter wasn’t even sure if he was saying the word correctly but that’s how he felt. 

Your eyes, he’s so enamored by the way you’re looking at him. You were worried of course, but no, there was something else. 

“ You’re safe Peter, you’re okay.” 

“ Don’t worry I got you.”

“ Just breath for me, okay?” 

There it was, the same deja vu. You had said that to him before, or maybe he had said it to you before through broken sobs when you had the nightmare. 

Peter’s breath hitched as it all finally hit him, he figured it out just by holding your deep gaze. 

Oh my god.

The lovedust had worn off, it was gone. All the anxiety and nerves from having it in his system had disappeared, evaporated off of him almost. The chest pains and the shortness of breath had gone away but Peter still felt something pulling, tugging at his heartstrings. 

The lovedust was gone, he knew that well enough.

 The only thing he could feel as he stared back at you was a pure, undivided, longing for you. 

That’s right, Peter Parker was still hopelessly in love with you, no lovedust required.

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