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sjw-publishings · 4 years

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A Shift In Attractions

Jace was crushed, after asking his asian friend for a date. Only to be told a lengthy description on why he should change his ways and set himself straight, before leaving off to some random asian chick who he never recalled seeing him with.

Though then again, the asian man was just a crush right? Crushes get crushed he supposed. Though he thought they had something, unlike those one night stands in private...

Maybe if they had bonded more in class than just mere classmates, he could have stood a chance...?

“No no...”

Shaking his head, he doubted it, the guy seemed completely dedicated to his girlfriend. He always recalled him proclaiming ‘Praise the lord to our relationship’ as he kissed his girl. No wonder he accentuated on the word ‘Straight’.

He never felt more insulted. Tugging his dress shirt, the tall lean college senior scoffed. Yes he was a valedictorian, and he stood out, but that did not give the right for this christian hottie to just diss him off like that.

He was being polite and civil too. All he wanted was to graduate with honours and have a lovely boyfriend.

He wished that he could have fallen for someone else...a shift in attractions-

“Hey man! Would you like to join us for prayer time?”

A tanned asian man in a checkered shirt and khakis interrupted his train of thought...and boy, was he cute. Down to the mannerisms and attitude...darn, he reminded quite a bit of his crush.

Without speaking, the tanned man grabbed hold and brought him down the alley way, where soft tunes filled in the atmosphere, as a group of men were seated in the middle.

“Welcome brother, I’m Paul Heng. So glad of you to join us.”

Ushering him down next to the man, he blushed wildly as he could. If anything, he literally drooled at those thick biceps and pecs straining against that marine tank of his. Not to mention the cute innocence that he displayed beneath those messy bangs of his, despite the asian probably being around the same age of him.

“Would you like to share with us what seems to be the matter?” Paul Heng spoke.

He looked around, more than half of the men were asian, and his gaydar definitely sensed the rest are gay, coincidentally enough. Not as to say the asians are not gay...but this group in particular...

Whatever, maybe they are allies at the very least.

“Oh...There was this guy...and..”

“Say no more.”

Paul placed his palm over on his back, still retaining his smile as he closed his eyes, head down as he prayed.

“Father God, please work about a shift in attractions within this man.”

The music was cranked up louder, still peaceful but yet...a little too calming? Coupled by the warmness emitting from the asian’s palm...it just made him, want to tell everything...

Eyelids heavy, Jace watched as the others mirrored him and Paul. Each of them grinning as their eyelids closed shut.

“Tell us...what you desire.”

Paul spoke, as his palm radiated heat within his back. Soothing those tired knots, loosening them, giving vigour that he never had. Igniting new desires within him.

“I want...to be young and fresh.”

Those words escaped out of his mouth instantly, like a inner desire coming forth. Young and fresh? Didn’t he want to graduate from school? As a senior? But as the warm, radiating heat seared his skin...almost like a warm tan, it definitely showed otherwise.

Sophomore, yeah he did do sort of well in school...but that was not what he really wanted. Crushing on his role model who was older definitely did not do him any favours either...

Freshman...yes, that was exactly what he wanted, where he is. Completely new to everything, a blank slate, letting the warmth guide him in the...overly calming music being played in the background. Regressing to a man who just turned legal 18 a couple of months ago, of course.

This was the freshman’s orientation, he and the other newbies were assigned to be in this group. Sure it was odd why they were in a batch with more than half being Christian and asian, but who was he to judge?

He was young, and fresh.

“Indeed, and someone as young as yourself, is bound to have so much energy.”

Senior Paul’s palm radiated heat once again. Jam grinned wildly, as his back wanted to just carry tons of stuff cause of his energy. Legs unable to sit still as they shifted back and forth within the meditation position he was in.

“And with that energy, belongs to brothers who are athletic.”

Energy, athletics. It made sense didn’t it? His back, while much younger, gained a sizeable definition as they broadened with the heat. Embracing the care, and concern from his brotherly figure, as the tanning trailed forward with the suggestion.

His chest toughened, definitely not as crazy big like his seniors, but he did work out quite a bit! A Light trace of abdominals Pressing against his dress shirt, his pectorals inflating to a sizeable degree, with those ‘Tiny udders’ begging to be milked.

But wait, didn’t he had done ‘It’ before? But that did not make sense to the college freshman. He just turned legal months ago! No way was he into that kind of life.

Besides, it feels unethical to think of such thoughts with Christians. Pretty sure they rubbed off him...despite being...

“Amen brother?”

“Oofmm...”

Paul gave a gentle rub against his back, as he let out a soft, satisfied response like the other freshmen. He just...knew this freshman orientation helped them, eyes still remaining shut as it was still prayer time.

“Amen...”

He spoke calmly, though there were hints of joviality within them. Grinning, his vocal chords still shifting due to puberty, he sounded so cute, so young. But damn these clothes are so uncomfortable.

He was never the smartest guy in his class, or even mid way. Which was supposedly odd considering he was half asian. Preferring softer, younger clothes that are more trendy or just stuff that gave his muscles a little more breathing room.

Wincing, he felt his legs strain against his Dress pants, being too tight for the male altogether and just a chore. Why did he pick such nerdy subjects? Those stuff are for brainiacs and the gays!

Wait did he just say that? He was gay...though that insult felt appropriate to him. Like how gay it was for him to wear briefs and shoes two sizes bigger than he was. Did he let his mother dress him or something?

Man...he hoped that his youth leader would call him out on-

“With such a youthful appearance, one ought to dress like one.”

Thank Lord! Someone gets him. Grinning wildly, Paul’s warm synchronising with his own, as the tight fabric softened. Sleeves rolling up to just below his shoulders, clinging firmly on his back as buttons and the collar disappeared into the wind.

Colour darkening in cotton, as printed logos plastered itself on his brand new Youth Trends shirt he got with an iconic ‘ORH’. Giving his body the much needed breather room it so desired.

Why would he wear a dress shirt? Only DORKS wear those....and his pastors and sometimes his youth leader as well...BUT NOT HIM. He definitely pulled pranks, but not stuff like that!

Sides, if there was a prank, he would be doing the more hands on kind of approach. What was he? An academic nerd? Haha ok lol boomer. He launches erasers, paint balloons and all those kinds of stuff towards the nerds.

Serves them right for calling em’ gay!

His tanned asian arms flexed in response, as his expensive watch became cheaper with rubber straps. It was time for attention! And being young, he wanted all if it!

So much, that Paul had to always bring them down before they interrupted the prayer session. He was so cool, his big bro Paul Heng, allowing him to just be, HIM.

Dress pants shrunk upwards, concentrating with mesh fabric as they became grey sports shorts. The kind of stuff he always wore while on the field kicking balls, soccer balls DUH. What you think, huh?

Tightening below in two areas, shoes shrinking to a size 8, metallic indents growing at the bottom and a signature styled itself on both ends of the cleats. Whose signature, one of the pro asian athletes of course. Which one? HAHA, Why you want to know? Gay?

Gay? POKE! Thrusting forward, by only a small bit. His hard-on actually shrunk back a couple of centimetres, like his brain-LOL WHO YOU CALLIN’ DUMB, FAGGOT?

Ruder and ruder, thrusting as he so desperately wanted action, never experiencing it. Buttocks hardening but shrinking in size as well, compacting to the new Jockstrap with his 6 inch wiener, only when its-

“Any Hard thoughts? Benjam....”

Paul spoke, his hand still on his back. Yeah he was hard, though it would be pretty gay if he said he got hard cause of the prayer. Yeah he was a new christian, but still...

“Yeah man...I wanna...”

The Chinese Asian’s pubescent voice spoke out...to be honest, he was not sure what he wanted. He liked being a young jock, but the more he tried to think of...some random older asian, it felt really really off.

What was he? GAY? I mean he had...some gay thoughts, but what was he thought when he was a Christian for years? Be fruitful and multiply...and man, did that phrase cause his smaller crotch to just wanna skyrocket through late puberty already.

“A hot babe?”

“Oh yes! Yes!”

“Hot babes for us men!”

“Preach it pastor!”

A hot babe? Yes! Yes! That was what he wanted, what his group wanted. Total jocks abstaining since forever, but now that they are legal, man did he just want to get married already and let loose, fulfil the calling on his life.

“Oh man I wish...I wish..”

Benjam squeezed his thighs as tight as he could. Rubbing against his smaller member as every brush only excited him further. The prayer session was simply too much for him to handle on his own. He had to say it, he had to-

“Brothers, You know what to do to seal the deal. Lead the way, Brother Shang.”

Paul got up from his place, but the warmth never left Benjam Shang’s side, his big brother figure trusted him in doing this, in spite of his young and fresh attitude which just pissed some of the older folks.

Its time for the younger generation to play a part in THIS-

“WE ARE CHRISTIANS!”

He yelled, in his youthful splendour. Pumping his fist in the hair, eyes still closed.

“WE ARE CHRISTIANS!”

The rest of his soccer group followed in suit, he knew that cause of their fellowship together of course.

They had stuck together since young in church, a close group which stuck like brothers through thick and thin. Through church camps, hang outs, and even the boring examinations he could not care less about.

As for as he was concerned, he had spiritual wisdom. Better than those overly intelligent NERDS!

“WE ARE HOT!”

He proclaimed, of course they were. They were the most popular group throughout high school. All the ladies wanted a piece of them, and all the GAYS were jealous.

Provoked to jealousy. Smirking to himself, cheekbones rising and rosy. He was always such a prankster, just light hearted stuff, nothing too GAY of course.

Though he doubted it was anything too far like some other of the ‘HetTubers’ did. Hair follicles brushing to the side, hair bangs over his brow as a raven feathery guy next door kind of look stuck on him, short hair of course-he was into sports and chicks said he looked cute with this style.

He was a Christian after all. Jaw rounding out while sharpening at the edges, with lips beaming into a smile, flashing bright pearly whites. He still represented God and even though he was mean sometimes with his ‘zoomer speech’, as the pastors would describe it, but hey-he was young and fresh!

“AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE WIVES!”

The men inhaled deeply, nostrils wrinkling. Man it reeked of testosterone...They loved each other like brothers, but jocks needed their cheerleaders, husbands needed their wives. Not the smell of sports cologne.

They wanted to finish quick. At the final phase, light eyebrows furrowing, anticipating the climax with an-

“AMEN!”

“AMEN BROTHER!”

The new Benjamin Shang proudly proclaimed the chant, like the rest of the men. Boisterous Voices blending in harmoniously as a choir. Claps from the seniors applauded from the background, Paul was definitely pleased with him.

Letting loose their vocal chords like they just ‘came’ to be, of course nothing came out from below. Those were reserved specially for their wives, which they knew will be coming soon.

Beady eyes opening simultaneously staring around innocently as a college freshman, fresh and ready to chase-

CLICK

Tail.

Almost instantaneously, his eyes were directed away from the group of men he was at. The rest of brothers followed as well, upon hearing the sound of high heels growing nearer. Laser focused on the single asian lady by the corridor.

“Look at her...she’s so pretty...”

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none-of-your-biscuits · 3 years

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Biscuits watching high guardian spice aka little witch wannabes ep 3: I literally fell asleep watching this at one point bc I was that fuckin bored

-I FUCKIN KNEW TALL WOULD HAVE A BOW IT'S THE STEREOTYPES

-their outfits are so fuckin dumb

-this intro reminds me of Christian music for some reason

-why tf is she swinging a sword around and eating at the same time

-also isn't this like a two handed sword why are you like this

-book go bye bye

-it broke?? Bitch you use that to fight and it breaks bc you dropped it on a rock??

-I like Tall she actually thinks

-woah okay was pepto actually like, about to add fantasy racism? Not the twist I was expecting but I'll remember that

-again with the being a little bitch thing, you have MAGIC cast a fuckin SPELL and fix it, it can't be that hard

-or take it to the blacksmith god DAMN

-what was that flashback, the diologue was exceptionally trash as always but what's with the teleporting again

-also why would you leave a weapon laying around when you have kids? That's like leaving a loaded gun on the floor

-oh the creepy teacher is back, yay

-why he walkin so fast damn

-getting creepy vibes again

-yknow, if I inherited a sword from my probably dead mom I'd be more careful with it, but like who let u into this school

-hmm maybe use a weapon that actually fits baby pepto, that's not how swords work, they aren't one size fits all dummy

-flowering thorn? That's a dumb name, none of you are named after actual roses

-you guys wanna be rwby so bad

-why do they have uniforms? Like why would you wear a uniform for like smithing or potions or fighting where it's very likely to get destroyed

-ugh the smith teacher's VA is so annoying SPEAK UP

-woo, talking to urself exposition

-the magic system is gonna be just as garbage as the rest of the show so I don't even care

-got a Spanish ad and thought I was going crazy

-"UR MOM LOL"

-ugh we're gonna have to see more of creepy teacher bc he knows pepto's mom huh

-oh either that's a dead twin or creepy teacher is trans

-"what was she like" u were literally having flashbacks about her you know what she's like u dumb

-guess blondie's gonna die, oh well

-"no swears" please tell me the mature warning isn't for swearing if I have to hear cursing in this horrible diologue I'll cry

-PURPLE!!!

-suddenly I care about this episode

-wait hold up her name is Amaryllis? Is that a spice? Do we finally get a spice named character?

-I'll google it just a sec

-IT'S A FUCKING FLOWER

-IT'S NOT EVEN A PURPLE FLOWER IT'S RED

-Ryll and Snap, the only funny characters so far

-ah i love when she causes problems on purpose

-ooh a non visually impressive cave, move on already

-I hope the glow-crabs kill blondie, we could use less main characters

-tall continues to do nothing

-ew

-I'd be cowering too

-a fuckin furry

-nebbi cat?

-"I am transgender " :D he actually said the word that's nice

-"*gives textbook definition and explains what trans is instead of just moving on*" >:(

-but really isn't this supposed to be a mature audience thing, like adults know what a trans person is you fucks you don't need to explain

-ugh moving on

-oh she's just trigger happy good for her

-"why am I even here" you can leave, nobody is keeping you here my dude

-blood? Is that what the fuckin mature warning is for? You don't goddamn need that for some blood

-pepto's mom broke the sword in battle and pepto broke it by fuckin around while eating subway

-the sideways angle when she was talking was weird

-bored again

-this is dumb I'd rather go back to anyone else

-why are they walking, why aren't they running? They don't have something better to do, do they?

-ew anime romance bubbles

-ugh it's gonna be a thing isn't it

-Tall finally doing something

-pepto continues to be fuckin annoying

-the outro still makes me want to die

-overview I guess

-boring episode about pepto being fucking stupid

-amaryllis continues to be the only entertaining character

-I don't like the trans scene it was so weirdly out of place but also drawn out for an unnecessary long time

-like I don't think pepto actually cares, we know ur just pandering to the audience who, again, if the target audience is supposed to be mature audience they're gonna already know what transgender is

-ugh I zoned out for like half the episode bc it was boring and bad

-also why has it been 3 eps and Tall still hasn't had like more than 5 minutes of screen time, that's weird

-I'm still mad about the spice thing

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harrybabystyles · 4 years

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Oh, Angel! (harry styles)

chapter one - m a s t e r l i s t -

warnings: sex, language and drinking

a/n: my first series, yay! I swear the chapters get better after this one lol, and I realize that I am not the best at smut so bear with me, also the gif below is what I imagined him looking like for this chapter :)

series intro: After a rough week, Anna decides to let loose with her friends, go out drinking and dancing, maybe even let a stranger take her home. She was starting to lose all hope when suddenly she runs into an angel -or so she thought- who actually turns out to be a tall, curly headed man with a thick accent, making her stomach twist in knots. When he asks to buy her a drink, she doesn’t hesitate to agree, how could she resist?

It was hot, and dense, like every other club I suppose, not quite suffocating, but close. Especially with the dozens of people packed in the small space, heated kisses being shared in corners and sweaty dancing happening practically everywhere you looked.

Normal for a Friday night, especially with the music fest happening only a few blocks away. After the concerts were over, the after parties seemed to always be carried here. Which, I wasn’t opposed to I guess, it happens every year, but the number of bodies increased ten fold, and this was my favorite club.

My friends were always thrilled by it, it provided more options if one of them were feeling risky and wanted to find themselves under the sheets with a stranger, which they usually were. Matter of fact, I think I see Evelyn slipping through the front door, her arm wrapped around a burly man with dreadlocks draping down his back. I smile, she always found her a man within the hour.

I wasn’t much of the ‘take a guy home every weekend’ kind of girl, I did it every once and a while, but frankly, I preferred to be alone.

However, tonight was not the night.

Between being fired earlier this week, and finding out that my sister was moving across the world at the end of the month and there was nothing I could do about it, I needed a distraction, and I decided that taking a stranger to bed was the drug I needed.

So, when I was getting ready for tonight, I went straight to the back of my closet and grabbed the tight black dress I wore only for occasions like these.

Was it a little too revealing? Probably, but I didn’t really give a shit to be honest, I knew the kind of attention I wanted, and I also knew how to dress to get it. My friends squealed when I hopped into the cab, like they always did when I wore this dress, they know what it means. By now we had all broken off, I went to grab more drinks, and since I saw Evelyn leave, I’m guessing that Harper is probably rubbing up on some helpless soul.

Harper is something else, always hooking up with whomever she pleases, whether its the bartender from downstairs or the girl with the shaved head and face tattoos, she can have almost anybody under her spell within minutes.

But then there is Paige, she grew up on a farm out in Georgia, her christian mother was brought to tears when she told her she was leaving her southern life. She tends to get wild for the first hour or so, choking down a few drinks, but then she sits in the corner the rest of the night, and sips at a glass of water. Sometimes I don’t understand why she doesn’t let herself go more, but her modest dresses always stay puke free, so I guess that’s a plus, and she can take care of us in the morning when our heads our threatening to pound us out of existence.

Bless her soul.

I’m pretty sure her parents would die on the spot if ever they found out she shared an apartment with Harper, or that we go out to drink almost every week. She enjoys the freedom, and the adrenaline of knowing her parents would drop dead if they ever found out, but even if she denies it, she actually doesn't like drinking that much.

I should probably check on her actually.

I step out of my place in line, the massive amount of bodies made getting drinks take ten years instead of ten seconds, and it wasn’t worth it anyways, it was getting late and I needed to pick out my target. I steady myself against the somewhat sticky railing, as my head spins a bit. I was always one the be able to hold my alcohol, but I certainly had a few more than I usually would tonight. My eyes landed on Paige, right where she always was this late at night, tucked into a corner, eyes scanning her phone, a half empty glass of water in her hands. I make my way over to her, but my phone buzzes in my purse and as I reach down to get it my body clashes into something hard, and before I know it I feel my body slam against the floor, and a weight crash on top of me.

I blink, focusing on a pair of pale green eyes.

My eyes grace over defined cheek bones, brown furrowed brows, a halo of dense curls bouncing around a defined face, and a pair of rosy lips, that made me subconsciously wet my own.

Then, my eyes focus back on the striking green in front of me.

I must have died, and this is an angel carrying me to my mansion of clouds, because there is no way this is real.

But then my senses come back, the pounding of the music fills my ears, the smell of alcohol and sweat consumes my nose, and the feeling of the sticky floor under me makes me shift.

I feel like my soul left my body.

I look around noticing how the man caught himself just before he completely crushed me, his hands on either side of my head.

Damn his reflexes are fast, and I can’t help but heat up at the feeling of his body weighing down on me, his hips flush with my own.

“Uh...I’m so sorry” he faintly chuckles, the smell of alcohol on his breath slightly stinking my nose, his breath hot against my face from hot close we are.

“Are you okay?” he asks, getting back on his feet in a wobbly manor, and offering a hand out to me, which I take and he pulls me to my feet.

“Yeah...” I breath, still trying to pull myself together, “...are you?”

“Yeah...” he runs a hand through his thick curls, and looks down at his chest, “...damn” he whispers, and I notice the wet fabric of his dress shirt stained with whatever drink he was carrying, which leads me to notice the glass that is now on the ground, and the sticky substance that drenched the left side of my chest.

“Oh damn, me too” I look down at the darker fabric of my dress where the drink had spilled, “I’m so sorry”

He gives a light hearted chuckle and looks up at where I’m helplessly trying to clean off the thick alcohol.

“Here” he smiles, and motions his head to follow me. I take in his tall figure as I follow close behind him, and how his thick curls swayed when he would turn to look back at me, I gave him a small smile, and he would return it with a breath hitching one.

I’m still not convinced this is actually real.

And if it is real, there is no way I’m letting him out of my grasp, he was drop dead gorgeous, even covered in sticky alcohol. He leads me back down the stairs and into the women's bathroom, to which he got several confused glances and a small laugh from me.

He rips paper towels from off the dispenser, and puts them under the running water of the sink. He wrings them out, and I watch as the muscles in his ring clad hands flex, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man wear so many rings... it’s actually really attractive.

“Here” he hands me a damp paper towel, “Sorry again”

With the loud music of the club muffled behind the bathroom door, I notice his heavy accent, and butterflies can’t help but stir in my stomach.

“You from the UK?” I ask in shock of the accent that was hidden under the music. He flashes a smile, starting to wipe off his shirt, “Yeah, I’m from Cheshire” he shrugs, and I start to wipe of my shoulder where the stench of alcohol was radiating profusely.

“Huh” I reply, amused and baffled at the same time.

“What? You never met someone from the UK before?” he questions me with a smirk, and my heart skips just a tad at the dimple that pokes into his face.

“No, actually, and I definitely have never knocked over someone from the UK before” I say playfully, watching as he lets out a head spinning chuckle.

“Its a first” I shrug.

I feel him look up, a small laugh leaving his lips, and I smile when I slip down the strap of my dress, to wipe away the alcohol from my collar bone, and his whole body freezes.

“What?” I smirk, looking up to find him jolt back into action, trying to hide his pause in motion, his eyes settling back onto his dress shirt.

“Nothing” he shrugs, but he smirks again, and my eyes settle to where the white fabric of his shirt, due to the spill, clung to his torso, and my breath hitches at the taut muscles underneath.

Fuck, he really is flawless.

My eyes go wide when he starts to unbutton his shirt, and my brows drop in confusion.

“Oh, you don’t mind if I take this off...do you?” He looks me straight in the eyes, and the devilish smirk that pulls up on his lips makes those butterflies in my stomach begin to take of.

Is he teasing me?

I take a deep breath in, “Of course not”

I try not to watch as his fingers gracefully slip each button out of there holes, but I find myself struggling to keep my eyes away.Then, the door hits the tiled wall, and a husky voice echoes through the room.

“No sex in the bathrooms, you both need to leave immediately” a built security guard looks between us, his face stern and gaze serious.

“Oh no, we aren’t...” I laugh at his hilarious assumption, but I look at how my dress strap is slipped down below my shoulder, and how his shirt is unbuttoned all the way down, exposing his toned chest and his...tattoos?

Are those tattoos?

My eyes settle on a inked butterfly just below his chest, and flip shamelessly down to where dark leaves poke out from under his trousers, a slick black belt and the fabric of his trousers block the rest of the ink from my view.

Oh damn.

“Sorry, we will take our business elsewhere” his accented voice interrupts, and I blush when I realize I am staring at his torso, and that he has noticed, giving me a smug grin. My teeth bite down on my lower lip as my cheeks heat up.

I pull the strap back over my shoulder, and he buttons up his shirt again, leaving several open like before, and we squeeze past the security, tossing our paper towels in the bin on the way out.

“Who do you think snitched on us?” his voice rings in my ear, and I now notice the presence of his hand grazing my lower back.

I giggle, “My bet is on the brown bob” I refer to a women with a short bobbed cut I noticed on our way in, “She was definitely glaring at us when we walked in” I play along, not telling him that she was the only face I even remembered from when we walked in, and he smiles.

“I agree” he replies, and he takes in a breath, his eyes momentarily glancing down to my lips, and those butterflies reappear in my tummy.

“I’m sorry about your dress” he starts, pointing to where the strong smell of alcohol still soaked my chest, “If you’d like I’ll buy you a new one”

My eyebrows shoot up at his offer, “Oh, don’t worry about it, it was worth nothing”

Which was a lie, it wasn’t worth a lot, but it was still the most expensive thing in my closet.

“Well then at least let me buy you a drink” he insists, clapping his hands together, eyes scanning my face.

I try to make it look as if I’m really struggling to give him an answer, like I want to but I’m not sure if I should, even though I already knew my answer.

“Sure” I agree, but a sudden scream catches our attention, and my eyes snap to our right where two girls are being held back by what looks like security guards, only they wore slick black suits instead of T-shirts.

A sudden ghostly touch from his fingers on my shoulder turns my attention back towards him, “Wanna go somewhere a little quieter?” he asks scratching the back of his neck like he is suddenly uncomfortable, leaning forward just a tad.

“Only if you tell me your name” I tease, raising my eyebrows at him in a playful manner.

“Of course...” he covers his face with his hands like he is embarrassed, “I’m Harry” he holds out his right hand, “Excuse my manners”

“Hi Harry, I’m Anna” I shake his hand, and notice how much larger his was compared to mine.

This man has no flaws, whatsoever.

“Pleasure to run into you, Anna...” he pauses for a moment and leans in , “...literally”

I giggle and nudge his shoulder playfully, “Pleasure is all mine” I say back, putting a hand over my heart dramatically, to which he chuckles, and we start to walk towards the front door, his hand placed on my lower back as we weave through the crowd.

The night air feels cold and brisk in my lungs, but it’s such a relief and I take in a deep breath, smelling the scent of rain, and cherishing the fresh oxygen.

“Shall we?” he calls, holding out his arm for me to take, and I stumble a bit walking over to him, most likely due to the alcohol and the heels I’m in.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask playfully, but genuinely curious, and he keeps his eyes glued in front of us, but leans over, a smile on his face.

“That’s for me to know, and you to find out”

I scrunch my nose, pouting at him, “Fine”

I look ahead of us and notice both sides of the street are lined with cars, and as we continue to walk, I find that the line keeps going for several more blocks.

Damn, I guess my favorite club just turned into a block buster.

“Here we are” he breaks the silence, reaching in his pockets to grab a set of keys, unlocking an old 1966 Mustang, my eyebrows raise.

“Nice ride” I comment, as he opens the passenger door for me, and gently shuts it, walking over to hop in the drivers side.

“Thank you” he gives me a smile, starting up the engine, his eyes linger on mine for a moment, flashing back down to my lips before focusing on putting the car in drive, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

I lean towards the window, watching giddily as we pass building after building, traveling through several traffic lights before pulling off the road into a parking garage.

As we climb the levels, his old car somewhat struggling with each steep turn, my eyes land on him again, taking in his side profile.

Perfect forehead, nose, chin, neck, not to mention that sharp ass jawline he has got.

He really is perfect, isn’t he?

He must have noticed my gaze because he grins, that perfect dimple flashing as he glances at me from the side.

I blush and look back out towards the window, how the hell did I get this lucky?

We hardly speak as we step out of the car, and walk through a glass overpass that lead to the apartment building across a dark alleyway, we only exchange small smiles, his hand hardly leaving the small of my back the whole time.

Walking through the doors of the apartment building, my jaw drops.

Between the red velvet sofas, and the gold detailing on the roof, the room looked like the inside of a palace, with painted ceilings and a small fountain in the center.

This wasn’t even the main floor.

I manage to close my lips, as he leads me towards the elevators, waving to several hotel staff workers, and giving the button number of his floor a gentle push as we step in. I was still in awe at the beauty of the place to even tear my eyes away, and even as the doors slowly shut, my eyes still wandered around the room.

Who is this guy?

When the doors did shut, I managed to let out a breathless “Whoa” from my lips, smiling up at him.

“Impressed?” he questions, and I couldn't help but pick up on the subtle gravel that laced his voice, and how it made those butterflies in my tummy reappear ten fold.

“Definitely” I breath, crossing my hands in front of my hips, still gripping my handbag. His lips turn up in a small smile, “I’m glad”

I catch his dense green eyes again, but this time there is something flashing behind them, a shade of sparking desire perhaps?

I hoped so.

His eyes don’t leave, and neither do mine as the moment drags on, making my tummy catch on fire as his gaze burns further into me.

Holy shit, it was almost intimidating.

I became suddenly restless, biting the inside of my cheek, and fidgeting with my fingers, I felt like I suddenly stepped out into the desert, my body temperature rising alarmingly.

I felt like I had a fever.

His eyes tear away when the silver doors of the elevator glide open, and we shuffle out into the hall.

“This way” he guides, pointing to the right where a gorgeous hallway with only a few doors extended in front of us, and his hand settles back down on my back. As we walk I notice how far apart the rooms are spread out, and realize how big the apartments must be.

We stop at the second door, and he grabs the keys from his pocket and unlocks it, swinging open the door so that I can walk in first.

When the lights come on, I’m blown away.

Crisp walls enclose the space, a marble countered kitchen to my right opening up to a living room larger than my own apartment, with a huge TV mounted on the far wall, and dark grey sofas that surrounded a sleek glass coffee table. My heels click gently on the wooden floor as I mindlessly walk towards the floor to ceiling windows, the city stretching out like a sea of stars.

I was entranced, the glowing white and yellow hues twinkling in the dark night.

New York never looked so alive, but at the same time, it was the most peaceful I’ve ever see the city be. You couldn’t hear the honking cars, bumping music, or loud profanities you usually couldn't get away from, just the shuffling of my heels as they hit carpet.

The city below looked endless, with miles of soft blinking lights.

It looked heavenly.

For once it didn't seem like the dirty city it was, crime and poverty seeming to wash away under the gentle glow of apartment buildings and offices, which made a streak of hope tug at my heart, and I absentmindedly put my hand against the cool surface of the glass.

I could feel the tears that rimmed my lashes, not falling, just letting me know they’re there, as my eyes continued to scan the scene.

It was surreal to see the city like this, peaceful and elegant, like it was a place for angels.

Even the red neon of the strip club down the street or the subtle blue of a raging bar seemed innocent, just another glowing light for my eyes to soak in. Just another stroke of the painting that was being etched behind my eyes.

And for a moment I forgot I was some girl who was jobless, standing in a strangers apartment in my not so innocent black dress, looking for a distraction from life. So, I tear my eyes away from the glass, blinking back the tears that rimmed my lashes, I found his eyes looking at me with an amused smile, pouring alcohol into two glasses.

“Tequila?” he asks, lifting his brows.

I clear my throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed at how emotional I got at the scene, “Please”

He puts a lime wedge on the rims of the glasses and walks over to me at the windows, a small smile on his lips, but it drops and his brows furrow as he gets closer.He sets the glasses carefully on the coffee table rushing to me with concern.

“Are you okay?” he places his hands on my shoulders sliding his hands slowing down my arms in a comforting manner, his eyes flicking between my own.

I can’t help but inhale sharply at the touch of his skin, or the warmth of his chest that was now only a few inches away.

“Yeah...” I breath, heat flushing my cheeks at the realization of him seeing my teary eyes, “...the view” I explain vaguely, gesturing towards the windows beside us, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Oh...” he takes a moment to look out, a smile forming on his lips, “...heavenly, isn’t it?”

I nod, following his gaze back out to the open city, “Breathtaking”

“Don’t worry, I cried the first night I stayed here” his warmth leaves as he grabs the drinks from the table and hands one to me.

“You did?” I ask, shocked that he is telling me this, most guys would keep something like that like it was their darkest secret.

“Like a baby” he adds taking a sip from his glass, and I raise my eyebrows, letting out a shocked breath.

“What? Guys can’t cry too?” he sounds offended, but the playful look on his face tells me that he is just messing around.

“No, no, I just...most guys don’t feel like that, they feel like it makes them less of a man” I explain, taking a sip of my drink, feeling the thick liquid sting as it glides down my throat.

“Crying is manly” he shrugs, taking another sip, and I can’t help but let out a laugh.

“Exactly!” I agree, still half laughing.

A smile lights up his face, “So, Anna...” he lowers his voice, and a shiver falls down my spins at the sound of my name accented on his lips, and I tried to hide the feeling as it shimmers through me.

“...tell me something about yourself” his eyes glaze over with that same look from the elevator, dark and swirling, that makes me want to catch on fire as the back of his fingers ghost down my left arm, sending more chills spiking through me.

He brings his hand up to brush my hair off of my shoulder and behind my back, leaning in so that his breath is fanning over my ear, “Something no one else knows” he adds in a low whisper, before brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and leaning away, a devilish smirk of his face.

I take a deep breath in, realizing I wasn’t breathing, and shamelessly look from his eyes down to his lips and back up again.

“Well...” I begin, watching as he takes another sip of his drink, never breaking eye contact, “...I do this thing, when I can’t sleep, where I sneak up to the roof of my apartment building, and I try to see the stars”

His lips tug up into a smile, and his eyes dance over me, I can tell he is intrigued by my answer, and I can see the curiosity flourish inside of him.

“What about you, Harry from Cheshire, what do you do when you can’t sleep?” I drag out my words, my voice a notch above a whisper, and I take another sip from my drink, watching as he thinks.

“Meditate” he smiles, and I quirk a brow at him, “I’m just kidding” he chuckles.

“I typically take a bath...” he answers confidently, “...simple but effective” he shrugs.

I laugh quietly at his answer, taking another sip, “Maybe I’ll try that sometime”

His eyes glance down over my body shamelessly, making my spine tingle as they travel back up to my eyes, and my heart jumps at the contact.

Inside the dense green, I can see it, all the lust and desire that is stirring up inside of him, and it makes me want to be lit on fire, heat spreads through every limb as we hold the contact, and when his fingers graze my arm, the heat of his skin mixed with the cool metal of his rings send fireworks exploding within me.

“I like your dress by the way...” he whispers, his voice low and thick, “...fits you flawlessly”

My breath hitches in my throat as my heart starts hammering, oh boy he is good.

I set down my drink, game on.

“Thank you...I’m still so sorry about your shirt...looks expensive” I whisper, reaching out to grab just above where the fabric folds down into the first done button, pulling gently until his body is almost touching mine.

“I know I may never be able to make it up to you...” I look up at him, watching as he darts his tongue out to wet his bottom lip. I flatten my hands against his stomach, feeling his muscles tense under my touch, as I glide them down lower and lower until I rest them on the edge of his trousers, my fingertips slipping under the fabric just a tad, “...but I can try”

I smile when his breath hitches, and his hand grazing my elbow slides down to my hip, I slowly lean forward, and a plant a kiss in the center of his chest, where his the fabric of his shirt is not yet buttoned.

I slowly kiss up his torso, and along his collarbone, all the way up to his jaw, which is set tight as he inhales sharply.

I pause over the side of his face, my eyes tracing the shape of his lips as I bite my tongue, I can feel him watching, and painfully waiting for me to connect our lips, but I don’t budge, I just sit there tempting him with my breath.

In a flash he sets his drink down, the loud clink startling me as he grabs my face and pulls it to his, the hand his drink was in wet against my skin due to setting the glass down so abruptly. His lips glide along my own, the feeling knocking the air from my lungs, and his taste explodes in my mouth as he deepens the kiss, tequila overpowering my senses.

I tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling against the silky soft strands as he lets out a low grunt, causing a tornado of butterflies deep in my stomach.

My fingers blindly find the buttons on his dress shirt and start to fumble with them, tearing them from their places one by one. He helps my hands slide the shirt off his body, our mouths never breaking, and I glide my hands over his torso, my stomach doing flips as I feel the taut muscles flex with every movement.

I slip my hands under his arms to slide up and down his back, the smooth skin feeling like silk under my fingertips.

His lips rip away from my mouth as they begin to nip and kiss along my jaw and down my neck, my lips part from the feeling of his tongue laying slick marks against the skin, as his hand smooth down my body.

He breaks away, his breath hot against me as he begins to tug at the end of my dress, “Is this okay?” he whispers, slowly starting to pull it off.

I nod frantically, and in an instant the dress is on the floor and his lips are back on my neck. His hands travel down to grasp my butt, and slide down the back of my thighs, signaling for me to jump, to which I jump up and wrap my legs around his waist.

His lips refocus on mine as he starts walking, and I carelessly kiss him back as we walk down a hallway and into a room. He sets me down just before what I assume is his bed, and before he can push me back onto it, I flip around so that he falls with a surprised expression onto the soft covers, and I smirk.

I lean down and begin to slip off my heels, and I notice his gaze never leaving me even as he sits up ans slides off his own shoes.

He pulls me to him by the waist his large palms pressing into my hips slightly, as our lips reconnect. He slides his hands up my back, and slip his fingers under the latch of my bra.

“Still okay?” he asks, and my heart melts at how innocent he sounds.

I bite my lip and nod, “Yes”

Then, his lips press in the valley of my breasts as he undoes the latch, and I gasp silently when he bites against the center of my bra and pulls it off with his teeth.

Holy shit.

He smirks, and kisses me with a fury only pure lust could produce. As his hands grasp and palm over my body, a furious heat grows in my core, and with every heated kiss, I am more and more desperate to feel him closer.

I lean back and with my lips tugging into a smirk, I push against his chest and he falls flat against the bed as I climb to straddle his hips.

I place open mouth kisses on his chest, over the butterfly tattoo, and glide my hands down his torso until I feel the cool leather of his belt and I start to unbuckle it when his hand stops me.

“Wait...” he pants, “...are you sure?” he looks at me with concerned eyes, and I almost laugh at how absurd he sounds, of course I’m fucking sure.

“One hundred percent” I reply, my chest heaving as I struggle to catch my breath. He nods slightly and lets me continue. He helps me shimmy of his trousers, lifting his hips so that I could pool the fabric down to his ankles, his belt clanking when it hits the floor.

His jaw goes slack and his lips part when I palm the bulge that’s under the thin fabric of his briefs, and he starts to pant, his chest heaving. He grips my hips, his fingers slipping under the fabric on my hips as our lips collide again, a low moan rippling up from the back of his throat as my hands smooth over his hips, close to his core.

I break away, catching my breath, and taking a moment to look over his body.

Disheveled curls, perfectly parted lips, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat...down to his taut chest, sparrows rising and falling on his pecs, and the image of the ferns tattooed on his hips making my core heat up seeing them completely.

I trace my fingers over the vines and leaves, my eyes settling on his v-line as it goes down into his briefs.

He had to be an angel right? No one is build like that if they’re human.

I’ve got to be dreaming.

He sucks in a breath as my fingers graze the ink, and I look up to see his eyes traveling on my body as well.

“You’re so fucking beautiful” he says breathless, pulling his bottom lip in his mouth, and the rasp in his voice has heat pooling at my center.

I pull him back in for a desperate kiss, like his lips were oxygen and I was drowning, and he kisses back with just as must force.

In a flash he flips me around so that he is hovering over me, and I giggle into his lips.

“That’s better” his voice rumbles up from his throat, his hands hot on my hips, fingers pressing firmly into my skin as he connects his lips with my neck, leaving wet kisses down to my collar bone before pulling away to hook his fingers under the lace of my underwear, smirking up at me while he begins to pull them down my legs.

Once they are completely off he throws them over his shoulders, a devilish grin placed on his face, as his hands smooth up my shins.

He places a kiss on both my knees before starting to suck on the soft skin on the inside of my thighs, and I have to muffle a moan at the feeling.

“It’s okay love...” he whispers, his voice incredibly low, “...let me hear you”

My jaw goes slack as he starts sucking again, slightly higher up, and as the moan leaves my lips, a low groan leaves his own.

His palms push on my inner thighs, and I open them as he makes his way further and further up, and if I wasn’t totally washed away in pleasure I would have thought about the hickeys he was leaving on my skin, but I didn’t.

I couldn’t give a fuck to be honest.

I arch my back when I feel his tongue leave a slick trail just a hair’s width away from my folds, a soft whimper leaving my mouth.

“Tell me what you want” he says, voice low and lustful as he smirks at me, eyes blown out.

The throbbing in between my legs is almost painful, and I shift my hips to try and ease it, wincing when he continues to do nothing.

“You gotta tell me what you want, baby” He says and I glare at him, the heat in my core rising by the second.

“You” I breath, and he smirks even wider, “I don’t care how...God, I-I just want you”

I feel the presence of his fingers on my heat, and a moan leaves my lips. He sinks his middle digit deep into me, his cool rings making me gasp as he curls his fingers up.

“Fuck” I whisper, my eyes closed as he goes a steady pace, my head spinning, “N-need more” I gasp, and he slips in a second digit.

“N-no” I shake my head, writhing and rolling against his bed.

“No?” he questions, a smug tone to his voice and I force my eyes open to look at his.

“Not what I meant” I glare, and his smirk tells me he knows what I meant, but I can see the devil dancing in his eyes.

“Not your fingers, I need you” He bits his lip as he groans, pulling his fingers out of me to slide off his briefs, his member springing to his stomach.

“You want to feel me love, is that it?” he says low and raspy, reaching over to his bedside table to pull a shiny foil package out of the drawer.

My core is throbbing and I feel like screaming as more heat shoots through me, “Yes...need you now”

A dark chuckle rolls up from his chest as he rolls the rubber material over his hard center, sucking in a breath at the feeling.

“It’s okay, need to feel y’too” he whispers as he positions himself above me, my hips bucking and rolling, trying to ease the heat between my legs.

“Gonna have to hold still fo’ me” he says, one large palm pressing between my hips to try and limit my constant movement.

“Sorry-“ I pant, “It’s killing me” I whine, not even able to find embarrassment at how needy I am, all I could think about was the heavy throbbing at my core.

“All this for me?” he gasps as his head glides through the wetness at my center, and I moan at the feeling of finally feeling him, wrapping my legs around his hips, my heels pressing into his skin.

He sinks further and further into me, and I hadn’t realized just how big he was until now, he filled me up completely and I couldn’t help but whimper. He starts slow, pulling out and pushing back in at a painful pace, and I grab at the sheets under me.

“Faster, p-please go faster” I plead, and he sucks in a breath as he picks up speed, hitting all the right spots inside of me.

“God you’re so tight” he grunts, his eyebrows furrowed together in a mix of concentration and pleasure. He pace quickens and quickens until I’m seeing stars, the bed thudding from his thrusting.

“Feel good?” he pants, and I wonder how I’ll even get words out of my mouth with the pleasure rushing through me.

“Fucking amazing” I manage with a moan, my hands moving to grip at his shoulders, feeling myself almost to the edge.

“I-I’m-“ I gasp, but I can’t seem to speak as my head spins.

“You’re close?” he questions, stepping in for me and I nod furiously.

“Me too, fuck” he gasps, biting his lower lip, one hand landing on my hip to pull me against him harder, to the point where I ached where his fingers where, his nails digging in to my skin.

And that’s enough to send me over the edge, dirty noises leaving my lips as the coil in my belly snaps, my body shuttering around him as my vision blurs. I cuss and wrap my legs tighter around his hips, pulling him impossibly closer as he moans.

His thrusts become sloppy and broken as he cries out, his own release quickly following my own, and his head drops to the crook of my neck as he comes down from his high, body exhausted but still rolling into me. He rides out both of our orgasms, lazily sliding his hips into my own until he is almost too tired to move, but manages to slide out -causing me to gasp at the feeling- and plop down beside me.

We lay there, our bodies recovering, chests heaving and skin sticky with sweat.

When I finally regain some muscle movement I look over to him next to me, his back flat against the mattress one hand on his torso, one up by next to his head. A low fire begins to brew in my belly again at the sight of him, curls soaked with sweat, body glistening, muscles twitching and stretching as he struggles to catch his breath, lips parted and eyes shut.

I drag myself on top of him, tracing patterns on his balmy skin, “You okay?” my voice rasps, my vocal chords a bit overdone.

He swallows and smiles, “Yeah...you?”

I brush a hand through his damp hair, and he gives a satisfied hum.

“Yeah” I bite my lip, “...never felt like that before” he chuckles, and heat is already returning to my core as he opens his eyes, a lazy grin on his face.

“Me either” he admits, his hand beginning to run gently up and down my back, and I realize his rings are still on.

A shiver travels down my spine, and I bite my lip, “Think you could do it again?”

He raises his eyebrows at me, bringing his other hand to run down his face as he laughs.

“Christ! Already?” he exclaims and I blush a bit, still tracing invisible patterns on his chest.

“I made y’feel that good?” he asks, voice a bit lower, a sly grin on his face, and I give him a nod.

“Here...” I begin, “...you don’t even have to do anything, let me do the work” I say as I pick myself up from his body, ignoring my wobbly legs, and scoot down so that I am straddling him just above his hips.

“Okay...” he swallows, watching as I kiss his torso, right on top of the butterfly tattoo, laying a slick line with my tongue. His skin erupts with goosebumps and I smirk, sliding my hands down his body, placing my palms on his fern tattoos. I lay another kiss and another, until I’ve reached his belly button, and I scrape my teeth along his skin. A low groan leaves his mouth as his eyes close.

“Y’like that?” I ask, and his hands flex the sheets underneath him before he nods. I can feel his cock already hardening from behind my bum, and I lean up to suck on his neck, my teeth nipping his skin as I finish and his breath hitches. I scoot down and rub my wettening core on his length, which earns a soft whimper from both of our mouths, both of us still sensitive from our last round.

I reach between us as I glide my hands down his member, realizing he never took his condom off from previously, and giving him a slow pump as I watch his jaw slack as his length fully hardens in my hand.

“Feelin’ good yet?” I ask, and I graze my thumb over his head, a moan leaving his lips.

“Yes...keep going” he says, his chest already starting to heave again. I lift myself up, thighs shaking, and slide onto him just a tad, closing my eyes at the feeling, and I pause, my hands firm on his chest.

“K-keep going” he pleads through gritted teeth, and I don’t have it in me to tease him, my core throbbing for him. I lower myself down and I hear him suck in a breath as I completely engulf him. Then, finding it impossible to hold still, I lift myself up and back down, my lips parting at the feeling.

He was so big...and I loved it.

His hands settle on my thighs, gripping as I speed up, slowly bouncing faster and faster on top of him.

“Holy shit” he mumbles, grunting and I let out a small whimper, I was already so close.

“I’m close” I gasp, biting my lip and he nods.

Only a few more bounces and I’m shaking, throwing my head back as pleasure shoots through me, his hands now on my hips, pulling me down as he lifts his own up until he was moaning too, both of us trembling and gasping for air.

I lift off of him, and collapse beside him, opening my eyes when I hear him roll the condom off his body, and he goes to toss it away, returning to pull me under the covers and against his chest.

“You’re a minx, y’know that?” he laughs breathlessly, and I chuckle back, I was exhausted, and he was too.

“Made me feel amazing though, haven’t felt that good in a while” he whispers, a genuine tone to his voice, pressing a kiss to my forehead, “Thank you”

I furrow my eyebrows, did he just thank me?

No one has ever thanked me after having sex before, and I found it oddly heart warming.

“Let me know when you’re ready for round three” he smugly whispers and I raise my eyebrows pulling away from his chest to see the devilish smirk on his lips, he was either an angel or satan himself, and I’d be lying if I said the idea didn’t burn me up from the inside out with excitement and curiosity.

#harry styles #harry edward styles #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry smut

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adorabledonutunicorn · 3 years

Text

New Eyes

CW: Some internalized homophobia

Warning: This is 15 pages on Google Docs so it’s long. This is a combination of poems I’ve written over the past year or so (if my timeline is correct) about realizing and processing through some of my past crushes. It took me til version 4 to shift my perspective and not be ashamed of how I felt about these people. It’s kind of depressing to think that it took me no less than 4 years to get rid of the shame surrounding my sexuality, and even still I have my days, but in this case it makes for a nice arc that comes to accept everything by the end. In case you’re interested here’s a brief background on each person. I’m gonna go off since it’s already the length of a chapter of a book lmao.

1. She is literally the reasons for all of this. She was someone who I’ve known since middle school because we were in the “accelerated math group” together. She was always popular, but something always struck me differently about her. During our sr year of high school I sent her a message on Facebook and we had a few conversations on there. We were the only girls in our math class by this time and tbh we had more conversations online than we ever did in-person...we even sat next to each other in class omfg.

2. This one is about a friend I met in college. She was pretty, full of joy, and has a nice smile so I’m a very simple person when it comes to being attracted to people lol. I forced myself to get over it quickly and I’m thankful we still talk sometimes despite never really hanging out outside of the Christian group we were in lol.

3. Damn, this one’s about the friend referenced in “To see her smile again”. She’s literally just too perfect and the day I realized I got butterflies when she walked into the room was the day I fully realized/accepted that okay there’s more to me than being straight. I still don’t know how or why she loved me so well.

4. This one is about a friend I met in college, literally on the first day I was there. We were both in the same orientation group and were both so awkward we somehow stuck around together all 4 years lmao. Idk if she’s just awkward around me only or everyone, but by the end I could feel some kind of unspoken tension between us, especially after we went to see a play for the theatre class we took that was about Stonewall lol. A part of me wanted to say something but another part of me thought that maybe she was in a different place in the same journey of discovering her sexuality. The funniest part is that on Valentine’s Day I think a year ago we DM’ed on Instagram for 5 hours str8 (gay).

5. Aah yes, just another one of my Twitter crushes. Jk the first Twitter crush oooh! It took me like a good 6 months to fully accept said crush and like another 6 months to fully get over it. Truly I wish her all the best and all the healing.

V1.0

Once upon a time, These eyes grazed the truth

They saw the surface They saw someone With so much purpose

A life with a heart Transcending barriers and A mind with the ability To achieve great things

A person so pure Hiding their true self within Yet solid and confident in Serving

It was this willingness Intelligence Freedom To get lost in music and dance Goodness Integrity That led me to believe You were one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.

And this, Is the truth that these eyes Could see

Objectively, Honestly, Truthfully, As transparently as Any teacher Any observer Any friend Knew you to be.

Yet still, My mind seems To have forsaken me.

What I know now Is what I failed to admit then What I replay in my head Is what I am slowly learning To accept within

It brings me shame To let these emotions Finally come in

And it brings me pain, Because that's not how I want to remember How and why This was perhaps, the "best" end.

I want to remember The objective observations The person we all saw, Not just me

I want to remember Rightfully, The words you said to me

I want to remember How I tried to look inside you So deeply

And how you gracefully Eloquently Opened up to me.

All I hope Is that these memories mean At least half of what they do to you As they do to me.

Even if I Can now look in this mirror And see, Say these words to myself Breathe And let them be,

I will never forget What you meant To everyone You met.

But because I tried To look so deep Because I tried To love you as you were, As you are I ended up finding something Only these eyes now Could see.

I cannot say That I fell in love With a fantasy

Because love Is so vast and deep

But there was A new feeling inside of me An emotion I would hide Because I never wanted it to be Outside For anyone To see.

I look back at these moments That replay inside my mind From every bathroom anxious tear I cried Unknowingly Became the catalyst For this "why"

Why was I so anxious And afraid? But that won't explain Why did I even feel The way that I did?

I didn't want to I pushed it down So easily It took me almost 5 years To finally accept This story That lingered inside of me.

Once I see A heart, soul, human life To love, I jump in wholeheartedly

Because I guess That is just who I am, Who I was made to be.

But I didn't expect That I'd be here Confronting these Treacherous conflicting feelings That to the casual observer Make it seem like It was all for me, Self-motivated Self-intentioned Just to set my eyes on something I could not define At the time.

If not me If I can't believe it, I hope you know Remember And see That regardless of what I felt The words we never said Still give you more Than a thousand reasons To keep on breathing And to keep on being The beautiful person We all knew You'd grow to be.

V2.0

Imagine What this heart can do Imagine What this heart can feel What these eyes Can see inside Before the mind Redraws the lines.

Imagine God's truth Willfully entering the soul Revealing more

Than I could ever know But all that I feel Is beyond words.

Imagine That what is beyond words Is not beyond shame

In fact, Shame has now met these emotions And tainted this love, The love the Lord has given To this heart of mine

This love that was pure Of good intention Is now questioned, Because of the reality, My reality, The way my mind sees

I can only perceive What these eyes gaze upon And the brain processes, filters, Through its many recognized colors

I cannot see What was not meant for me And what is Beyond me.

With these eyes, Imperfect and perhaps blind, They let me look upon a face Labeling it within me as shame Instead of grace

I used to be able to see, What I thought so innocently, Now a darkened fiend Of what was made A friend

What has now surfaced Became lies What has harbored Is judgment Internally, And nocturnal I have become

This is merely Not what I wanted to see But rather A predator where it meets its prey Onlooking the target Ready to strip Its life away

But here, This life is dignity Of the soul across the room Once the prime and primitive Instincts and defense mechanisms activate, There is no more reason, No way That words will ever be able To explain.

This Feels lost Feels lonely Like no one but me Will understand clearly That I love Deeply Wholly I dare say beautifully Whether or not these feelings Are just my feelings Or beyond Only my reality.

Because reality Is subjective Different between both you and me But somehow still We may find common ground Where the images our minds outline Overlap and see the same

It is here, where more than I Can finally understand. It is here, Where words are no longer the enemy But the potion and antidote To this shame

For this shame Has met humility Vulnerability The courage To be me

Even if The whole world will never know I know the whole world Will never understand, I still stand With my heart tall Convicted with truth Rooted in the Lord's Truth That you are so beyond and Better than beautiful It fills me With awe.

V3.0

These new eyes that have seen Change unfolding Have also seen Love unraveling.

From all the sweetness And fondness Of pure untarnished memories, To what I don't know if I know How to see,

This is me Raw and untouched Naked and ashamed To have loved The friend who was Never meant For me.

Blessed was I To have found one So faithful and kind For once not out of reach But yet still Out of my league With all the riches Of intelligence to joy And of course A smile that was not For the faint of heart to see

I have loved before, For it was here I found love In the purest form First, foremost, Of friendship

It was here Where every good thing That resonated inside me Grew tenfold With this unknown blessing That I had fathomed to know Beyond blessings ever received.

Yet, Little did I know, It took courage To love this way. Selfless Never ill-intentioned I tried to be Until the end.

It was generously That she gave me And so kindly Yet humbly I tried to give back Never feeling like What I gave was enough, As she so gracefully Accepted everything Speaking to me without words It was more than enough.

There is not a single soul That I have met Who could ever be Her Anything like her, Who could also be Or will likely ever be My friend.

It was on the days We left, Where our presences departed Where I had no regrets

But it was then When I realized The sadness and grief Was yet the loss Of love, Including the Lord's Love.

It was she, Who lamentably taught me How butterflies felt Inside me All the way To fear and shame Of this very discovery

As well as The best hugs Any person may probably ever give me.

There is no one like her, And there is no one better for her Than her husband, And this I know, It is he who I know To be faithful, kind, Courageous, righteous, Steadfast and Unconditionally loving

But somehow, I ask the Holy Spirit Did you bring her Here To teach me About love, faithfulness, and joy? Did you bring her Here To show me light in the world Once more? Did you bring her here To have a friend for once, To give me courage to speak, To love a friend deeply? And did you bring her here So that I could love so deeply That I found this part of me?

I can still say To this day That I have No regrets About anything I Have written or said To this friend, The greatest gift, A catalyst For this journey, And the one who gives The best hugs With the sweetest smiles I’ll ever be blessed to receive.

V4.0

Once where A new era began, A seed was planted In the mere probability of our existence

We did not find each other We stumbled upon one another In a way where awkwardness Was the main contributor To our similarities

Yet you stayed And I of course, stayed Somehow we relished In a relieving familiarity

Perhaps, It brought us together For that reason.

But what we had And what we have Has grown from a seed,

Watered, waiting We are here Where I never thought we would be: Friends now far away, Yet still able to relate

But even then What does it mean? It may not mean much of anything.

For a fleeting feeling Lines the nerves of my being Extremities tense While the rest of me at peace

For this is the only awkwardness We have known to overcome, Time and time again, —I never know Where your thoughts go

There is so much to be learned So much we will never know But in each other, We have still grown.

Maybe this is the best feeling I would never have known If I were not able To express it freely

Maybe one day Our lives not our hearts Will collide Telling the same story Of who we were always meant to be.

V5.0

To Jade, A jewel of always Every color but green,

Your story is a wonderful epic, Tales of travels That never grow old

They write an unapologetic narrative Of every highest mountain top And every lowest valley

You have climbed as high Just as much as you Have fallen down and cried

And I, I so wished to see and to learn Of every broken piece to your life That you thought you needed to earn

But I, Even with good intentions Fell into a hole I could not climb

I embraced every part At the expense of my joy Only adding To my despair

But you taught me What strength and courage Could be

To say it is easy To wake up every day Without the one Who loved you most Is irreparable As much as he was irreplaceable

To say the scars it leaves behind Are mere wounds of the flesh to be tended to Would simply be a lie

But still I Fell in love with What it could look like To see you wake up every morning And choose life

For there is nothing more brave As the story you write And continue to write.

I still stand by And wish to look upon your life To see how far you've come

But at least I've passed beyond The emotions I feared would last forever

Back then I was confused Back then I was still learning And I thank you for helping me Find who I am

Even if I can never say I fell as deep for love's sake, If I ever find you Stumble upon Or see you I will find the reddest rose And gift it to you

For the honor and memory of your brother And for the honor and memory of you Because sometimes words Will never be enough To describe what will always Be blooming in you (And how you've allowed me To blossom too).

Conclusion / V1.5

Without what happened that night These essays would never have turned to poems

Without the words we never said I wouldn’t have these reasons why I write

You are still as beautiful as the day I met you And the day I left you when I accepted You will remain a memory, not a friend meant for forever Or even for a second

But still, I do not hesitate To smile and be embarrassed Knowing now all That I did not know then That brings clarity, closure, and an end.

I never loved you But I definitely liked you Enough to zone in on Every beat of your heart

Enough to make you see Who you were always made to be And how worthy you are To be you, To be everything you are.

And so here I remain, Content and at peace Knowing I am allowed To never-more be ashamed.

#new eyes #shame #bisexuality #questioning #unrequited love #peace #joy #crushes #poem #poetry of tumblr #pride month #pride poetry #this one is long #don't waste your time unless you want to know the story of my life

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minetteenfers · 4 years

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Gonna sneak peak you all the first chapter of this novel I’m working on because I’m having too much fun with it. lol

Until I Found You Excerpt:(I don’t think I need to preface this, but it’s an adult romance novel. You’ve been warned. LOL)

Tags: ABO, primalkink, werewolves, werewolf/human romance, contemporary romance, cursing, drinking

Chapter 1: Thaniel

I sat in my oxblood leather armchair in front of my stone fireplace, swirling my glass of whiskey in my hand. I always liked to look presentable. I was the Alpha, the top man in my pack and I couldn’t look to be anything but. Not that I really took my title seriously. I didn’t ask to be cursed by a damn vexing woman. She had played me, dragged me in and made me fall until she could put something in my drink. Most of us are here because of some sort of magic. Some corrupted witches that decided to not play fair. Some might call them selkies or sirens, we just call them vexing women. And mine played me hard.

I knew what my best attributes were and what my worst ones were, but it varied depending on the woman in my bed. One thing I knew for sure, I had a massive primal kink that could strangle a city. Most women found me to be terrifying, but a few were into it. It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t control my urge to growl and pin a bitch to a bed. My urges to run my nose along their neck and take in their scent points behind their earlobes like a starved man that hadn’t partaken in his darkest vice. I craved it, needed it, but I wasn’t down for finding a mate. I enjoyed being alone. I enjoyed not having to worry about someone else. I just wanted to break my damn curse and not have to live this life. But everyone in this lifestyle knew one thing, there was no breaking it. Once a wolf? Always a wolf. You were a part of the pack until the day you were put in the damn ground like some forgotten sad soul. I was trapped. Trapped to become a wolf until the day I died and who knew how fucking long that would take.

I cleared my throat and focused on the crackling fire. I had been told that I had to find an Omega soon, but I hadn’t come across one that I liked. I had been to many parties, all fancy, but I had never found her. I had never found the right mate, not that I wanted to. Like I said, I lived for being alone and fucking whatever and whoever my heart desired. Fuck the other shit.

Daniel Thate, my Beta best friend and right-hand man, had been giving me shit for years about it. It wasn’t like it was my fault that women were scared of me. Most of them that is.

I sighed and a corner of my lips curled up to showcase a fang as I brought my glass of whiskey to my lips, taking a long sip. My fangs ached to sink into a woman’s neck, but I wasn’t in the mood to hunt.

I honestly don’t know what it is about me that is so intimidating. I mean I am a tall man and I have broad shoulders, and maybe I am a bit overly muscular, but I am a good man. A damn fine man if you ask me. But sometimes the outside outweighed the inside. If I’m honest, I’m lonely. I want to settle down and have a few kids. I’m thirty and by now most of my friends have settled down with a couple kids under their belt. And all I have to say for thirty is a lavish home and this damn glass of whiskey that is currently in my hand. God damnit.

“Hey, are you heading to this party with me over at Evie’s?” Daniel barged into the room and pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.

He was slightly less muscular and shorter than I. His medium toned brown hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and his shirt was a crimson red. His black leather pants had crisscrossing leather along the sides of them and his black ankle boots were loose.

“I’m serious, man. You need to come out sometime. Evie has some hot friends. I’m sure you’ll find your Omega there.” Daniel smiled at me with this shit-eating grin that only showcased how hard he was trying to get my ass out there in the playing field with him, even though the damn bastard was taken. I set my jaw and quietly growled as I brought my whiskey up to finish it. “C’mon man, don’t leave me hanging like last time…”

I sighed and threw my glass into the fire, causing it to flare up and shatter. I lacked all fucks at the moment. If he wanted me to go, fuck it, I’d go. I’d prove him wrong. No woman would really want to settle down with me. Fuck me? Sure. Settle down? Hell no. I was the type you took home to fuck, not bring home to your mother. I brought the black military styled boot that was resting on my thigh to the ground, as I grabbed onto the arms of the chair and pushed myself up to stand.

“Fuck it. You want me to go, I’ll go.” I walked out of the room and heard Daniel follow me out of the room.

“Thaniel. You’re gonna meet the right Omega. I’m telling you. Just give it time.” Daniel continued to follow me and while I loved the little shit, he annoyed me to death.

“I’m just going to humor you.” I sighed and got to my car, unlocking it with the key fob. “What club is it at?”

“Barbed Rose on Eve’s Street.” Daniel climbed into the passenger side and I slammed the car into gear. “You really think that no woman is gonna want that amazing body of yours? How many women you take home on the daily?”

I growled at him. It didn’t matter how many were in my damn bed. Not one single one wanted to fucking stay with my ass. It always ended in the girl leaving because I meant so little other than a quick railing.

“Who’s all going to be there?” I tried to focus on the road and not on my best friend, who was too excited for me to go to some party. I partially wondered if he had planned something for me there to surprise my ass. I hated surprises.

“Oh, ya know… the usual. Evie, Diane, Vix, Jason, Mike, Christian, more. The whole pack and their Chosens.” Daniel shrugged and I nearly slammed his face into the dash when I hit the break.

“Christian?” I hated him, absolutely despised the man. He was the biggest asshole of them all. One of those men that used women and felt they were his property.

“Chill. He won’t be trouble. He gave up on that years ago.” Daniel tried to calm me down, not that he could.

“To hell he won’t be. The man wreaks fucking trouble. Prove me wrong!” I shouted and pulled up to the valet parking at the club. “His ass so much as causes a scene among the human public so help me god.”

“Don’t worry, big shot. Jesus. Evie bought out the damn club. No humans will be within a twenty-mile radius tonight.” Daniel rolled his eyes at me and touched my forearm that wouldn’t stop flexing. The veins pressing against my skin about to bust.

“You better not be lying to me.” I growled through my clenched teeth, showing off my fangs and wolf-like golden eyes.

“Shit you not, man.” Daniel raised his hands in the air and my eyes shifted back to their normal warm brown color.

“I’m trusting you. One fuck up by Christian and I’m out.” I shoved my thumb over my shoulder with a jabbing motion.

That man was the worst Alpha to exist in our pack and I hated him with a fucking passion. The man could roast in fucking flames in the underworld with Hades for all I cared. He was sadistic and cruel. No bone in my body can appreciate a man that doesn’t appreciate a woman. Human or not.

I tossed my key to the valet and walked up to the club, adjusting my black silk button-down shirt’s rolled sleeves. I didn’t know why I had fucking decided to go here. Why did I want to be subjected to this? The bouncer at the front door was a friend of ours and Daniel fist bumped him before entering the joint. I gave the man a quick nod before getting engulfed by loud club music that bumped and vibrated off the walls.

“Sugar, you made it!” Evie ran up to her husband in six-inch heels that had my mind wandering how many surfaces they fucked on with them.

I shook my head and sighed, ignoring how my best friend gathered her up into his arms and made out with her like there was nothing better to do. Like I wasn’t in the damn room. I took my leave and made my way over to the bar, a place that I’d rather be. Drinking always made me feel better and made these parties more bearable.

I had barely gotten my beer in my hand before a hand clapped onto my back. I nearly spilled my drink as I jumped from the interaction with an unknown presence.

“Hey, how ya been, mate?” I recognized Jason’s voice with ease. He was from Australia and had been a resident for a few years now.

“Fine. Don’t you have something better to do than give me small talk?” I lifted my beer to my lips and took a swallow of it.

“Look, mate, I haven’t seen ya in ages. You don’t come out much.” He tapped the bar and ordered a dark lager.

“Not really my thing.” I shrugged and took another sip from my beer. It wasn’t as good as it could have been. I should have ordered something stronger.

“Yeah well, we missed ya.” Jason knocked his beer against mine before walking away.

It wasn’t until I heard a commotion behind me that I really cared about what was going on around me. I had barely even listened to Evie’s speech or to any of the other Omegas that had walked up to me. I was lost in my own thoughts about what I was even doing there. Why I was there. I could be sitting at home playing a game or watching TV. But one thing I could not ignore was the sounds of a woman struggling behind me. It was then that I knew I was going to get my ass in trouble.

“Let go of me! I’m not some plaything to be had!” A female voice echoed past the crowd of people talking and drinking, filling my ears with her voice alone.

It wasn’t a tone that I wanted to hear tonight. It wasn’t even something I wanted to ever hear. It was a woman in distress and the voice that accompanied it was one that I really, really, hoped wouldn’t be connected to it.

“C’mon, baby girl, let me show you what a real Alpha can do. You don’t know what it’s really like until you been in bed with an Alpha male.”

Changed his old ways my ass. Christian Alpine, the one and only asshole. A man that closely resembled a damn monster rather than a man. He was no Alpha male; he was an abomination. A mistake that deserved to be cursed. He had practically begged for the damn bitch to curse him. No normal, decent human would beg for a vexed woman to curse them.

“I don’t want you. I didn’t even want to come to this damn thing. You dragged me here against my will like you- like you owned me!” The woman struggled and tugged on the chain that was connected to a metal collar around her neck.

I wasn’t having this shit. I could just walk out right now like I had planned. I told my fucking best friend I’d walk if Christian pulled this bullshit again, but he had told me he had changed. Lies! The man was right there, tugging a woman around by a fucking collar and leash against her will. He had defiled a beautiful thing. A collar was meant to be something special. Something that meant commitment in some cases. A sentiment of love and respect. A symbol of something more. Not what he was using it for.

I sniffed the air and one word fell into my mind. Human.

Two of the songs on the playlist:

youtube

#primalkink #abo #werewolf #werewolf/humanromance #romancenovel #novel #books #WIP #chapter 1 #Until I Found You

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go-events · 5 years

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GO Rom Com Spotlight: @princip1914

The marvelous @princip1914 has claimed Latter Days to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s some information about the source material!

Synopsis of Latter Days: Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss), a young Mormon, arrives in Los Angeles with three fellow missionaries to evangelize. The group’s promiscuous gay neighbor, Christian (Wes Ramsey), makes a bet he can seduce and sleep with one of them, and his flirtatious ways help Aaron realize he is actually gay. Returning home to small-town Idaho in shame, Aaron is sent to a faith-based center to be cured of his homosexuality – while Christian, who’s fallen in love with him, desperately tries to find him.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @princip1914 (also here on Ao3) a little better!

goromcom: You know how if you open a Tumblr chat with someone you haven’t chatted to before, Tumblr tells you two things they post about? Yours reports that you “post about #good omens and #crowley"–which seems legit.

princip1914: I didn’t know tumblr did that but yes, that’s 100% of my content right now, lol.

goromcom: You chose to adapt Latter Days as your rom com. Has this movie been a favorite of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it?

princip1914: I picked Latter Days because I remembered it fondly from my high school days when I was a baby gay unsure of myself or my place in the world. It was one of the first gay romance films I ever saw, but I definitely did not rewatch it before I picked it. Upon re-watching it now…wow, it has not really held up. The acting is cheesy, the characters fall in love, like instantaneously, there’s a Black Best Friend™️ character, and there’s a whole lot of ways in which the movie just uses AIDS, homophobia, suicide, and straight up torture as a plot device [ed: which we will talk about later under the cut, to make it easily avoidable for those heeding the content warnings that will be listed above the cut.] That really grosses me out. But I love working with flawed source material! I think it’s fun to see what I can do with it. The most recent fic I wrote was verrryyy loosely based on some tropes from Groundhog Day, which honestly on a rewatch in 2019 also contains problematic elements. So I think taking these old, somewhat flawed, properties and transforming them is a great feeling!

That said, Latter Days also has some elements that really speak to me even though it is a bit cheesy/cringy at the end. One thing I loved about it growing up is that it really tries to engage with big questions about belief, faith, and being a good person in an authentic way you don’t usually see in Rom Coms. Its storyline–“Mormon and gay playboy fall in love, Mormon learns you can be a good person without organized religion, gay playboy learns how to confront his fear that everything is meaningless and make his own meaning in the world through relationships”–is actually pretty similar to Good Omens, although dressed up very differently.

goromcom: What’s your favorite moment of your chosen rom com, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

princip1914: I have a lot of favorite moments from the movie, it’s hard to pick just one, but here goes. [Spoiler alert for Latter Days and the upcoming GO adaptation fic] In the movie, there’s a character whose long-term partner has just died and the Mormon character (who will be Aziraphale in my version) is comforting her. He asks her if it was her husband who died and she says, “He wasn’t my husband. He was my best friend.” And let me tell you, I CANNOT WAIT to devastate Aziraphale with that line in my fic. [end spoilers] I’m also pretty excited to adapt the sex scenes to be honest. That movie earned an R for a reason.

goromcom: :waggles eyebrows:

Do you plan to stick very closely to the story beats of the original movie, or make bigger changes? And will this be a human AU, or will you fit it into canon?

princip1914: I think it’s funny because Latter Days already feels like a Good Omens AU. As I mentioned, the themes are very similar and the Mormon character, in the first two acts of the movie especially, has a very similar character arc to Aziraphale.

I think I could stick closely to the movie if I wanted to do a simple human AU. However, the more I thought about it, I realized the more difficult and more interesting fic would be one that works within both the bounds of canon and the tropes of the movie, and actually ends quite differently than the movie. I’m not sure I can keep the apocalypse in play with the ending I’m shooting for, so my guess is this fic is going to end up being a canon divergence fic set somewhere in the ‘90s, which feels about as early as I could go without losing the early 2000s vibe of Latter Days.

Trying to adapt elements of the movie to Good Omens canon and not vice versa, has been a really interesting challenge. It meant figuring out what is essential to Latter Days and what can be changed without losing the shape or recognizablity of the source material. I’m keeping the setting in LA. I’m keeping the central philosophical question of the movie (which is arguably also the central philosophical question of Good Omens). One thing that obviously had to be changed for this story to fit into canon is that while Aziraphale and Crowley have a long history, Latter Days is essentially a meet cute. So, what I’m saying here is that the first lines of my fic are: “What the fuck,” hissed Crowley, “Aziraphale, you’re a Mormon now?” and it just goes downhill from there.

goromcom: That sounds great!

(I’m asking my closing question early, as we will be putting the answer for another question under the cut.)

I am blatantly stealing this question from The Good Place: The Podcast, but here goes: Tell me something “good”. It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

princip1914: Well, my pet is amazing. Her name is D'Arcy, she’s a mutt terrier/lab mix and gives the best cuddles. But, since not everyone can cuddle with my dog, I think I’d like to just mention a charity that I started working with this year. It’s called Back on My Feet. Basically, it’s just an organization that sets up running groups in cities in the US northeast and south that connect people who are recovering from addiction or recently experienced homelessness or incarceration with other people in the area who like to run. It meets 3 days a week and we just go on runs and talk.

goromcom: Exercise and helping people! It sounds amazing. :)

Okay, so other than NOT doing an AU, what’s an interesting decision you’ve made in your planning so far–a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, or some other plan you have to paint Good Omens all over your rom com?

[ content warning for discussion of conversion therapy under the cut–discussion is firmly anti conversion therapy. ]

princip1914: I think that this is more of a general change to the plot, but one which I do feel is in keeping with Good Omens rather than the source material. I don’t really like to write (or read) dark fic or whump type stuff (totally fine if others are into that, but it’s just not my cup of tea!). The end of the movie has some very intense stuff that sort of uses horrible things like electroshock therapy to “cure” homosexuality as a plot device/obstacle to getting the two leads together and…yeah I am probably going to signficantly change a lot of that. Even if I wanted to keep it, I think it wouldn’t be appropriate for the Good Omens elements of the story. I think Aziraphale’s character arc is more about his internalized fear of heaven (which can, of course, be read sort of as internalized homophobia) rather than external fear of punishment. That’s the main difference between heaven and hell, right? Heaven punishes through guilt, and hell punishes through pain. I think it just wouldn’t work for Aziraphale’s character to have to go through a series of external tortures, so you can absolutely expect a lot of the 3rd act of the movie will be changed. If I can, I’d like to take it up through canon and have the third act of the fic feature the notapocalypse, but that might be too much of a tall order. We will see…

I’m also going to make full use of the LA setting! I really like LA and I have some complicated yet fond memories of not-dates I went on in various places in LA with a person who was unattainable romantically but a lovely friend. I think the movie definitely had a tiny budget, which is why the “LA setting” is basically just reduced to the character’s apartments, but damn it, if I want Aziraphale and Crowley to have tense not-conversations about their relationship while watching the skaters at Venice beach, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

goromcom: Looking forward to reading an adaptation that fits itself into near canon! Should be really thought-provoking.

#goromcom #good omens #goromcom spotlight #princip1914 #latter days #cw: conversion therapy

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hellgirlandthebprd · 5 years

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can we see some Hellgirl and Alex head cannons please?. i love that pairing and your art with them in it! :D

Alex Monaghan is a sweet lad born and raised on Irish soil just like the potato is he is.

Alex and Hellgirl meet when he was just a baby and she was 14. she had saved him from fairies by putting a hanged man to rest in a christian grave yard.

each time she came to Ireland for a mission she stayed at the Monaghan home, growing close to the family and both she and Alex had became friends.

Hellgirl and Alex have to be in a long distance relationship for most of the year, tho Hellgirl has offered him a place to stay and work at the BPRD but his place wasn’t there. at least not for most of the year.

but at the end of the year he would come and spend the holidays with her for 3 months. through out October, November, and December they were together. which was heaven for them but hell for everyone else.

it was rear impossible to get them away from each other when he came to visit. and the first 3 to 4 days just forget trying to get Hellgirl to focus on her work cuz nothing else in the world mattered to her.

when she was out of her room Alex was right there with her so no one was free from their relationship.

Alex is a mischievous guy. never could keep his hands to himself.

often when Hellgirl dragged him to meetings he didn’t need to be in, not like he minded. as long as HG was there he wanted to be there. but he had to make his own fun.

like, to see how many times he could pinch her butt with out getting in trouble or how far he can slide his hand up HG’s tail without her glaring at him with a look the could kill him.

he loved messing with his tall girlfriend.

“ -gasp- !!... you cheeky little bastard!” “i’m your cheeky little bastard~”

Alex adored HG is every way he could think of. she is tall, beautiful, strong enough to crush his head between her thighs but she let him treasure her and care for her.

he loved the way she smiled, that crocked grin that pulled to her right side, showing just a little bit of her fangs and her under bite.

he cherished the moments at night when she climbed into bed with him nd cussed at him when he put his cold feet on her warm body

“HOW ON LORD’S GOOD GREEN EARTH ARE YOUR FEET SO COLD!?!”

all the way to the moments when she smiled and her nose wrinkled when he told her how beautiful she is, how stunning she is.

he thought everything about her was the best damn he had ever had.

Hellgirl could almost says the same things about him. she loved everything about him. that wild red hair, those handsome green eyes, he’s sweet smile, and his cute button nose.

but her fave part on him she loved the most was his voice. it was strong and caring, it told her everything was going to be okay and she could listen to him talk for hours. the accent didn’t hurt either.

some times when he spoke fast it sounded like he was talking another language and sometimes had to repeat himself slower.

being Irish he could easily drink Hellgirl under the table if he’d liked but Hellgirl never let him drink that much. he was still human after all.

drinking was something they often did when they had nothing else to do or if they didn’t want to have sex again.

but the drinking often lead to drunken messy sex that landed on the floor next to the bed and not on it.

when their time together did get intimate it was almost always Alex making the first move.

HG was strong willed and did what she wanted but never had strong confidence in herself.

Alex prided himself on being able to fluster HG with just a little look or a touch.

the poor girl was so touch starved when they had first gotten together. she had denied herself so much love that she melted at any touch that wasn’t her hands or her shoulders.

he loved to touch her. every inch of her he’d run his fingers across, memorizing every bump, every hair, every scar. he ran his fingers over every scar she had feeling their stories and leaving them with a kiss.

her horns were no different. he’d felt those horn stumps under his skin many times but it was like a drug he had to touch them at any chance he could.

HG loved it when he touched her and held her like that. it was so warming and reassuring to her that he was never leaving and it made her feel beautiful. it made her feel like the goddess Alex saw her as.

their sex was more then just rubbing together to get off it was about being together as one.

it was always filled with love and passion, so much so that the world around them wasn’t there anymore, it was just them together as one.

they both with get off each time, they were too much of a turn on for each other that how could they not reach their climax in each other's embrace.

when Alex had to leave once more at the end of their visit it was always a very depressing time for them. having to say goodbye after growing so used to each other being there was always hard.

they would make love the morning he had to leave and before he had to go to the airport.

they had promised not to cry but once there were out of each other’s line of sight they did.

Alex sobbed quietly to himself, holding his hand over his eyes at the tears fell.

HG let the tears roll down her face and let a small sniff escape, those where the only signs of her being upset. other then her tail laying on the flood un-moving.

when Alex is gone she is un-interested in anything. just does her work and missions like a zombie for a couple of day. even Ell and Amy found it hard to cheer her up after Alex leaves.

woof that was alot!! lol i hope you liked it!!

#hellgirl #alex monaghan #hellgirl head cannons #alex head cannons #hellgirl x alex #otp #thank you for coming to my TED talk #if you want more art of them don't be scared to ask!!

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #264

I did tell y’all WoW would devour my life again when I got my laptop back lmao. But I’m still alive!!

When you wake up to pee at night, do you turn on the light? You mean like, in the bathroom? Uh, yeah? When was the last time you got a fresh box of crayons? Damn dude, I don't have a clue. What color is your favorite towel? I don't have a favorite. They're all just random colors. Do you know anyone’s phone number by heart? Actually no, not since Mom got a new phone. I really need to learn it. Do you wear hoodies? Yeah, one Pikachu one. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: We were arguing and she tried to kick me out of the car once. Obviously I didn't listen. It was one of our worst arguments. How many different homes have you live in?We're in our fourth house now. WELL there's another if you count the apartment, but I didn't officially live there, I was just... always there even though it was against policy lmao. Then when we were technically homeless I "lived" with my former best friend, but again, that was not an official thing. Did your mom go to college? She is, though cancer has thrown a wrench in the plan... She's on her final semester of a bachelor's degree in social work. With cancer now plus this wild quarantine, we don't really know what's going on. Where is the best place you know to take a dog for a walk? We have a park maybe like 15 minutes from here that's pretty decent. Nice fountain, fishing docks, plenty of ducks. Are there any crazy sandwich combinations you like to eat? It's not "crazy," as I know it's actually tasty to some people: having lunch meat, cheese, mustard, and potato chips. I haven't had that in yeeeaaars. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Uh. I'm not sure. We usually have fruit, beans, and soup in there, but I'm not sure which there's more of. Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? No. Do you prefer rugs or bare floors? Rugs. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't really drink from any. Your bad habit that you love the most: Heh, drinking soda... Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: I have before, yes. Had a guinea pig named Harry Potter lol, rats named Tezzeret and Rhoka, and... that may be it. I am not positive, had a lotta pets... Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. Which is tastier: fruity gum or minty gum? Fruity. Be honest, have you ever bullied anybody? Who was it? Oh my god, I was about to say no, but wait. When I first started RP at around 9, I had the impression you were supposed to always be in-character. Me, at the time my account being just "mozart2" (I don't count her as my first RP character though, she turned into Ruby and was drastically changed) on the Animal Planet forum, wanted to be the "dominant female," and one of the girls whose name was like Angelkiss or something was "mean" to me and so I reciprocated until I GOT FUCKING BANNED ON THIS ACCOUNT I'M WRITING THIS AND IT'S SO EMBARRASSING WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME I HATE YOUNG ME SO MUCH. What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? Idk. Is it a turn-off if somebody’s teeth are stained yellow? Not necessarily. Yellow doesn't mean dirty + everyone is supposed to have some coloration, and I can't say shit anyway 'cuz mine are kinda yellow from poor self-care in the past anyway. I just care that they're clean. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Girt is a damn giant lmao. I only reach his chest. Shortest, I'm unsure. Do you know any quotes from Forrest Gump? Well besides the famous ones, no. HA, fun fact that cracked me the fuck up though, someone in the government in NC that is running for... something, there are sometimes like three signs in a row along the road that say "RUN FORREST, RUN" and I fuckin died the first time I saw it. Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? I don't believe in angels or demons, so. Ghosts, yes. Would you rather judge a singing or dancing competition? Why? Dancing, for sure. I'm more educated on the form and techniques, plus it's way more entertaining. What was the mascot at your elementary school? A bulldog. It was super cute, and in art class, the art students all worked together to make colorful, clay models that were in the principal's office. Everyone loved them. Have you ever fallen down in public? Did anybody see you? Yes and yes. Do you scream when you go on rollercoasters? Do you close your eyes? I'll probably never know 'cuz my ass is afraid of them lmao. I get dizzy too easily and I'm terrified of the potential of getting sick. Do you think home-made cards are better than store-bought ones? They're more thoughtful imo. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? The Notebook. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? By their volition, probably a Facebook friend. How did you decide upon your favorite colors? I didn't know you could pick your favorite color. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? Wow no. I mean unless they look obviously dangerous, like if they had blood on them or something like that. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? If you say anything but pink, you're wrong. Do you prefer schedules and plans, or spontaneity? Schedules. Sponteneity, usually, stresses me out. How do you let someone know that you like him/her? I mean idk. Act like it or say it. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I'm more myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? Hell no. I'd want them to like me for who I actually am. Would you rather buy presents for others, or receive them? BUY, so long as I'm happy with what I bought and know it'll make them happy. How did you meet your current best friend? YouTube. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? I haven't finished it, but I'm writing a poem about the strength of cancer patients following Mom getting her hair shaved off. Are you a mostly blunt person? No, because I'm too afraid of starting an argument. Do you have any talents that come naturally? I guess writing since I've been applauded for it since I was very little. Do you go out often? Even before quarantine, not at all. I go out so little that my eyes seriously hurt when I step outside; I always have to squint or entirely close my eyes for a few seconds. What's the best Valentine's Day gift you've gotten? There was one year Jason got me a really pretty heart box of chocolates plus the game Heavy Rain and a pink rose. May still have a picture of it on my old phone... Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? No. It's hard to be "overly nice" in my opinion. Would you prefer internet or television? Internet. What is something you lose often? I'm not sure. Not a lot. Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I never do. How old is your oldest sibling? 30-something. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Yes. Who's the last person you said I love you to? Mom or Sara. What's your stance on spooning? What a question. It's comforting, but I usually can't actually fall asleep like that because I get too hot. Have you ever been "popular?" Nah, not really. Well, I was pretty well-known in the meerkat YouTube community as an editor, but not like, Yelozo level. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Well, I was a Christian when my sister's friend's grandpa made me like, SUPER uncomfortable by talking to me all the way home from school (he had to drive us this day) about the Bible and stuff because it was his "job" as a religious man and I kinda had to take this little Bible from him just to be nice. Even when I was a Christian I wasn't VERY religious and really really felt like he was hardcore shoving his beliefs down my throat. Are you thin? Ha ha no. Do you like big earrings? Heavy/big earrings ruined my ears, so no. The holes are too stretched now and is why I'm putting very small gauges in so it doesn't look as stupid when I put an earring in and it just barely hangs on because my ear lobe literally looks like it could tear. Animated character that was your gay awakening? HA, there's been a few that looking back, I definitely thought were more than pretty, even as a kid, like Sheego from Kim Possible. But #1? Holy mother of fuck, Bayonetta. That is one fuckin HOT MAMA. What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? Hmm. It really does depend on what I feel like semi-watching. Maybe like, a let's play where I'm not THAT interested in the game, but I still do listen and glance over. Your go-to bar order, if you drink? I've never been to a bar, but when I go out to eat and I feel like getting a drink, it's usually a margarita. What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? UGGGGHHHHH my tall leather boots with all these buckles and stuff. They're hot. What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? I don’t know. What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? Nothing that's really "surprising." Just three ordinary minimum wage jobs. What’s directly across from you? My snake's terrarium. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? No. ;-; I wish. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I've only ever had cream cheese. NO WAIT, I tried jam once and it was fucking repulsive. One bite and I was like "fuck no." I think it was strawberry jam though, which I hate. I'm not sure what else I'd try as idk what would taste good. Fruity or herbal teas? Neither. What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? None. It's funny, as a kid when I thought I was "too old," I tried to hide the fact I still adored Pokemon, but for years now I've just been like "lol fuck yeah man Pokemon." What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) Being an emo/goth/metalhead thing was NEVER a phase, Mom. Goddamn do I wish I could afford a gothic wardrobe laksjdfawde. What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? There's no telling. I rarely check my closet for "special" clothes, but rather my dresser. Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? The couch. Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? I'm all of them, plus sometimes song lyrics I find relevant lmao leave me alone. Name a classic Vine: YO that one of the dude looking for his berries with a WILD outfit, expression, and voice and then scares adventurers away from his tree made me fuckin cry for about 1,000 repeats. I miss Vine, man, good shit. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? We don't really "stock up" on any particular food. We do, however, tend to get a large box of frozen rats for Venus, if you can count that, but obviously that's not from the grocery store lol. How do you top your ice cream? Chocolate syrup mmmMMMMMMMMMMM Do you like Jello? Yeah. Do you have a fear, even only a slight fear of insects? I do. Do you have a favorite poem you like and can recall? If so, what is it? I don't have a favorite, no. Have you ever resided in a home that was haunted: *shrugs* I do think paranormal things happened in my last house, but idk about calling it haunted. Do you ever play any MMORPGS: Just WoW. What’s the closest river to you? Tar River. Have you ever been in a building with over 100 floors? I don't think so. What bird is the cutest? Oh, I don't know. Something small and pudgy lol. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit is so cool. Have you ever held a real sword? No. What do you think about most? PTSD is v fun. My brain naturally drifts to relating topics when I don't know what to think about, which is most of the time. Certainly don't try to, but it just. Happens. Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Hell man, idk. I do have a weakness for Kellin Quin though; he's the first to come to mind. What was the last film you saw in the cinema? The Lion King. What are you currently listening to? "Saturnalia" by Marilyn Manson. How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved? Two. The last person to be under covers with you? Sara. What's the compliment you get the most? Uhhh I think it's "I like your tattoo" (referring to my Mark one). BITCH just wait til it gets tidied up for four hours. Have you ever disliked someone just because a friend disliked them? If they have good reason to, yes. I can't deeply dislike someone I don't know/have personally seen be a piece of shit, but I can sure not be fond of them until they prove unworthy of that judgment. Have you ever won a lot of money in a slot machine? How much? Never gambled and don't plan to. Do you eat/drink at your computer? Yes, oops. How much do you overeat at special occasions? (Birthdays, Christmas, etc) Actually, I tend to under-eat at most special occasions because odds are I'm not going to like the food. This isn't always the case, but yeah. Do you think it's important to enjoy your job or do you just work for money? I think it's very important to enjoy it. If you had to, which record would you go into Guinness World Records for? Probably the longest consecutive hours of not leaving the computer laksdfjawe I hate myself. Do/Did you enjoy school? Why (not)? From the very beginning, I hated school. It's why I was a goddamn monster to get up in the morning, even in high school. I only enjoyed (to a degree, anyway) my most recent college because it was a way to get out of the house and work towards my future. Do you find it difficult to sleep at night? Any reason(s) why? Boy, do I. Most recently, after being put on a medication for my nightmares/terrors (which works!), I have intense muscle spasms in my legs, oddly only when I'm falling asleep. Apparently it's a very rare side effect of it, but I'm willing to tolerate it in place of having nightly terrors. Then there's my PTSD and just general poor self-image that can both send me down a total spiral. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Why? Not legitimately. Like I've wondered what it would be like, but I've never truly wanted to be a guy. I'm just content with being what comes with being genetically female. Do you think you'd make a good model? Would you ever want to be one? Hell to the fuck no. Have you had an argument with anyone recently? If so, do you still have issues with that person? Not recently, no. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? Tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember. Hell man, I don't have a clue. Have you ever worn colored mascara? If not, would you ever think about trying it? And if you have, what is/was your favorite color to wear? No, but I guess, if I had a reason to? What do you remember about your first day of secondary school? Were you more nervous or excited about it? I very faintly remember I had no desire to be there. Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like Bebo or Myspace? Yeah, I had Myspace. Has anyone ever asked you out, and you turned them down? If so, did you feel guilty about it? Why do you think you said no? Yes, and not *really*, as I'm very strict with myself about whom I date. It's just awkward. And I just didn't like one guy romantically in elementary, my best male childhood friend was black (mind you I haven't been racist in the least since I was a tiny kid, I was just raised like that), and I knew Juan had a bad rep. Have you ever asked anyone “Do you love me?” If so, did you get the response you wanted? Do you think when someone says “I love you”, you feel obliged to say it back? Ugh. Let's not. I feel obligated only with family. Has someone of the opposite sex ever sang to you? If so, how did you respond to it? LET'S. FUCKIN. NOT. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? Terrified.

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