#come back to this later

[liminalpsych-in-teyvat]

A discarded weapon

(This just popped into my head yesterday morning and had to be written down because it was intense/vivid. Sharing because who knows if/when I’ll ever write the full story. It’s not for my current WIP, it's for an older plot-bunny, and I blame all the conversations about Childe [who I didn't realize sees himself as a weapon until a couple days ago when I read an excerpt from the Labyrinth Warriors event]. I don’t have Childe’s voice right yet, I don’t have a strong internalized feel for him yet, because I’ve only relatively recently been sucked into Childe brain rot by all of you Tartaglia fans and your fan works. Rude.)

"It was his previous master that–"

"Don't you dare." Childe's flat stare bored into Zhongli's with uncharacteristic fervor. "You're going to tell me that his contract with you was all peace and almond tofu?"

Zhongli sucked in a sharp breath. "He signed his contract willingly. I gave him a choice that his prior master did not."

"How thoughtful of you. Did you give him a choice when you ended his contract?"

"The contract was for the extent of my reign as the Geo Archon. That has ended, as it needed to."

Childe folded his arms, defensive and aggressive all at once. "So you didn't leave a will to say what was to be done with your weapons after your… departure."

"I'd hoped that Xiao would be free to live his own life, released from his contract with me."

"Self-deception is unlike you, Zhongli-xiansheng." He spat out the honorific like so much poison. "Do you know what would happen if the Tsaritsa threw me out?"

"I did not throw–"

"Answer the question."

Those golden eyes flashed with barely-suppressed Geo energy, and Zhongli's lips pressed into a tight line of self-control. "I should hope you'd come to me."

"If you were Morax, god of war and contracts? Sure. Your archon war days? Absolutely." Childe's bared-teeth expression was a parody of a grin, sharp and savage enough to rend flesh. "But the refined Zhongli-xiansheng?" A scoff. "What use does a funeral consultant have for a weapon?"

The former archon's mouth softened into something closer to sorrow. "Ajax," and concern weighed his voice with velvet depth, "you are more than a weapon."

A laugh, breaking at the edges into cutting shards. "What's so bad about being a weapon? I was born to fight. That is my entire being, and that is not something to be pitied." He shook his head. "All those who stalk the battlefield yearn for meaning and purpose. If the Tsaritsa discarded me like you've discarded the Vigilant Yaksha, I'd seek someone worthy of wielding me. Someone who would wield me and give me that purpose, not someone who's retired and at peace. I'm not a wall ornament, and neither is Xiao. A weapon needs a wielder."

"Ajax…"

"And if I couldn't find a suitable hand to wield me, I'd get Dottore to toss me back into the abyss. I'd beg the bastard, if I had to."

"You'd seek death." Zhongli's voice was bedrock-deep, shale-flat.

A frustrated snarl. "I'd seek battle. Until someone chose to wield me to a greater end, or until something killed me."

Zhongli studied him with solemn regard. His gaze deepened, darkened; Childe thought he glimpsed the draconic, the Morax that once was. And then the moment passed, and all that remained was world-weary resignation.

(It made Childe want to stab something.)

"You think Xiao will do the same," the retired archon said, soft and sad.

Something about his tone leeched the fury from the Harbinger; he sighed out the dregs of it. "I think he already is."

This scene brought to you by: this quote from Labyrinth Warriors

Childe: Discarded or not, what's so bad about being a weapon? All those who stalk the battlefield yearn for meaning and value.

Childe: It's not victory I seek, but improvement. I want to become as sharp as a blade, to the point where others fear me. You're not the only weapon here, Shiki Taishou.

Shiki Taishou: If that's true… then these battles you strive for… where do they end?

Childe: Only those that wish for an end will find one. For me, it's nothing more than a mirage. I was born to fight, and as long as I draw breath, there will be no end to my purpose. Let go of your confusion. Sorrow and hesitation are the enemy of an implacable weapon.

and this plot seed from my fic ideas file:

Xiao/Aether exploring Xiao's need to be owned/wielded/fear of having his own agency or making his own choices. The bindings of contracts and duty that he entered into with Morax that kept him intact even as his duties poisoned him. The mess he's become in the aftermath of Zhongli's retirement.

Zhongli didn't foresee this, thinks he's doing what's best for Xiao or it didn't even occur to him that Xiao would be undone by his strings being cut.

Or Zhongli did foresee this / did notice it, and isn't sure how to fix it or handle it. He's watching Xiao slip further and further and nothing he's tried has worked. Calls in Aether. Transfer of contract/"ownership"? (Insert kink aspects here.)

Bonus Zhongli/Childe, either past or current? Childe being another barely-held-together soul in need of grounding and containment (which of course Geo is great for).

hey @blood-orange-juice - relevant to earlier conversation. I forgot that I literally wrote some Childe angst yesterday. Kinda. I do not have his voice/characterization clear yet though so—

[dogfagdeathwish]

I think after my probationary period at work ends I'm going to ask my manager for a transfer to a different location. I'm coming to realize that my mental load capacity is a bit lower than most other people's and is definitely exceeded at times by the place where I work. Somewhere quieter would suit me much better I believe.

[darn-stupid-mutt]

Dont mind me, just typing out something to figure out and look at tomorrow

Estimates on updated commission sheet prices -

SKETCH

Half body - 25$

Full body - 45$

INK

Half body - 35$

Full body - 55$

INK + FLATCOLOR WATERCOLORS (most likely will up the price)

Half body - 50$

Full body - 70$

Pencils are not too expensive to replace when I need to and I already have a ton, but when I need to replace them, they are 1.50 from blicks or 63 cents each if I bought 12 + pencils.

A quart of black cat india ink is less than 17 bucks and that will most likely last me a very long time if I don't spill it.

Watercolors is what may kick me in the teeth in the long run of I keep prices that low. I still rely on tubes of certain colors as my color mixing isnt the best yet. If I wanted to replace one of my empty tubes of paint with a big tube in order to save money in the long run, it wouldn't be cheap. A 14 ml tube of cheap blicks watercolor for alzarin crimsin is 6 bucks, as compared to a pricier da vinci at almost 11 bucks for a 15 ml tube. I would need to do research into which brand gives you the most bang for your buck, but generally the cheaper products aren't as good to work with.

Paper for watercolors is also another expense, cheapo canson watercolors is still 10 bucks for 30 9 x 12 inch pages. Sketch and decent drawing paper is cheaper compared to that.

Finally, the thing I wont market myself open with for a good while - oil paints

Oil paints cost quite a bit, and you need every bit too. Not to mention canvases and they gotta cure for 6 whole damn months before you can varnish it to protect it better, unless the client doesnt care about that. If that ever happens, shits gonna be over 300 bucks at least.

[iridescentmidnights]

In your opinion, what was the funniest moment in the 87 Turtles cartoon (or at the least the moment/joke that made you laugh the most)?

I still haven't finished the show so I'll come back to this once I do. But so far the only scene I love so much that it's saved to my phone is the entirety of when the boys visit April for the first time. It has college aged older sister April being harassed by her middle school aged little brothers after she just moved out energy. It's very specific and makes me cackle.

She barely knows these boys and she's stressing. ANd while the whole thing is an insane riot and delight, nothing has reached that first scene form like ep 3.

[king-of-men]

Monopolies always undersupply the market so they can have a higher profit per unit. It follows that modern societies, where the state has an effective and enforced monopoly on violence, have too little violence, and what we have costs too much.

[youareinlove]

i just saw @thesunandstarss do this and i know its not a tag game but i wanted to join in anyway!

what era have i been in each month of 2023?

january - speak now

february - evermore

march - fearless (in the messiest way possible)

april - 1989

may - reputation

june - midnights

july -

august -

september -

october -

november -

december -

updating as the months pass!

[joyflameball]

Hello TSP fandom have this Zending idea I cannot draw due to art block and not having a Narrator design

[none-ofthisnonsense]

So um

[frownyalfred]

okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.

Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."

Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red

Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."

J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"

Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"

Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."

*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*

Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."

Ollie: "For ice cream?"

Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."

Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."

[bubblebassfatass]

Spent too much time today missing my ex and stalking their socials and now I cannot sleep

(I would like to stop doing both of these things bc it gets in the way of my health)

[akaisenhatake]

last drink.

[liminalpsych-in-teyvat]

While Shikanoin Heizou is full of Sherlock Holmes references, his personality is nothing like Sherlock’s in any rendering I’ve ever seen.

On the other hand, Alhaitham’s story quest and other interactions show his remarkable powers of observation and insight, along with his personality that grates on the people around him.

The Genshin Impact character most closely resembling Sherlock Holmes is Alhaitham, not Heizou. In this essay I will

[liminalpsych]

After two weeks of no adhd meds for the first time since I got on them in 2017, I finally wrangled a way with my pharmacy to get them filled (turns out they’re not backordered on the brand name, just the generic, which I hadn’t thought to check until a client mentioned success with this approach).

They still don’t have enough of my dose in stock so I’m not getting them until Monday, but I’m getting them soon instead of indefinite waiting, and now I have a route to take when the generic is backordered in the future so that I still get my meds on time.

(It’s a little more expensive, but still cheaper than the adhd taxes I’ve been paying with dopamine seeking behaviors for the past two weeks.)

The silver lining has been that I now have a very, very clear understanding of exactly how adhd stimulants help me, and how much they help. (I used to live like this. Only it was worse because I was on an SSRI instead of an NDRI as my antidepressant; my current antidepressant at least takes the edge off some of my adhd symptoms.)

(Did you know serotonin can inhibit dopamine production? That’s possibly why some ADHDers have paradoxical reactions to SSRIs. We don’t have enough dopamine to begin with and then it makes us produce even less? Terrible times.)

Anyway. Might make a separate post about adhd meds on Monday. But for now, here are the things I’ve noticed:

oh right I used to be tired all. the. time. 9 hrs of sleep + a nap = still tired all the time, pre medication. Properly medicated, I’m good on 7.5 hrs. Half medicated (no stimulants, but NDRI), I’ve been doing okay on 8 hours but still pretty fatigued. I have not been getting deep/delta sleep (which stimulants help with in ADHD, adhd brains tend to spend a lot of time in REM sleep and not enough in deep delta sleep, and stimulants increase deep sleep in many adhd cases for some reason). There’s been a couple nights of 0 hours of deep sleep despite 8 hours of sleep. It’s been great. Fabulous. /s (help i’m so so so tired)

Focus/motivation, obviously. Oh right, this is probably why I haven’t written much fiction since college. For the past several months I’ve just been able to choose to write, make myself write and it works. For the past two weeks that has been much, much harder and even impossible. I am able to make myself spend time with my WIP each day to maintain momentum (still using all my adhd coping skills) but writing prose has not really been happening.

Social anxiety. I knew stimulants helped with the rejection sensitivity, social anxiety, overthinking social situations, because I went off of them for 2 days in a row once and had a terrible RSD flare up. But two weeks off of them has been… not great. Also generally just feeling insecure, having self esteem issues flare up, anxiety in general, harder to self-soothe and talk myself through catastrophic thinking, etc etc. (and trust me, I have skills. So many skills. So many well practiced skills. I teach them to others and use them personally. I’m functioning, it’s just extra hard.)

Dopamine seeking. Siiiigh. Back to snacking on sugary things that make my digestive system angry at me, in a desperate subconscious bid for tiny insufficient hits of dopamine. That had mostly stopped.

Task switching has been extra hard, unsurprisingly. Also lots of zoning out.

My driving skill/safety. D: yeeeeah. there are a number of studies out there showing that unmedicated adhd (especially in younger drivers, it improves somewhat with age/experience) shows up as similar levels of impairment as being at/over the blood alcohol limit. I was horrified the first time I drove while medicated. “oh. Oh no. I have not been particularly safe to drive all these years.” Been extra cautious as a result, and haven’t driven the wrong way down one way streets or anything like that the past two weeks, thankfully. (Yes, that was a thing that happened pre-medication.)

In before anyone tries to suggest this is indicative of a dependency or is because I was on meds for a long time: no. This is how I lived 32 years of my life. Until the tiredness got so bad that I got desperate enough for a med change that might work a little better than just “not having intrusive suicidal thoughts,” which is all the SSRI managed to do for me. For the past six years of adhd medication, I haven’t been tired all the time, things haven’t been so mind-numbing hard, it’s been a complete game changer and opened up so much more capacity for living that I didn’t have before.

It sucks to have to go back to my old exhausting norm where I had to drag myself through tasks with sheer force of will and could barely get anything done. I am so relieved the end is in sight and I’ll be back to my modern norm on Monday.

[spicymancer]

Stun Gun. The last comic may have inaccurately painted Quiver as having her shit together.

I can assure you this is not the case.

At least she got the right arrow this time. 

[pherredraws]

i loeve you phoenix wright ace attorney trilogy

[ziggizapz]

not even a month into working there and sams already at his limit