#coming back from the dead to shitpost

[electroplasm]

There are children here, man... :C

Gengar is so cute as a loaf x3

How about a slice?

[mitochondria-larson]

Do you understand my vision?

[cryingcow]

It's been a hot minute since Y8 / Infinite Wealth came out, so I can finally say this:

In Chapter 2, we meet Eric Tomizawa, a Japanese-American taxi driver who is the first to shake up Ichiban's Hawaii trip by holding him at gunpoint (also by eating his cherished letter for no other reason than to be a hater, which is a conversation for another day). Ultimately though, despite using said gun to threaten Ichiban multiple times, he never has the guts to pull the trigger.

As the game progresses, we learn that Tomizawa buys the gun because he plans on shooting Dwight for revenge. Yet, despite having the opportunity to do so once, he still chickens out from doing the deed. Dwight isn't an innocent party like Ichiban, and in fact is the one who ruined his life, but Tomi still hesitates, so clearly the issue lies elsewhere.

In Chapter 4, Tomizawa, now part of Ichiban's party, does the hottest thing he's ever done in his life by picking up Dwight's dropped machete from the floor and nearly stabbing him in the face with it, which is a whole different ballpark from just waving a gun around. (I'd argue that the game should have let him go through with the deed and continue the "Judgment - Yakuza 7 - Lost Judgment" tradition of someone dying at the end of Chapter 4, but eh, we win some we lose some.) The intent is there. And in Chapter 6, he does something similar, this time picking up a katana and holding the blade against a Ganzhe goon's throat. Again, with no hesitation.

So what am I getting at, you may ask? Simple: that Tomizawa is not living up to his (violent) potential because of people's expectations, including himself.

Tomizawa buys a gun, and so people in-game expects him to use the gun. And why wouldn't they, especially the Yamai Syndicate? He puts himself into debt buying that gun, he has the Second Amendment to back him up, so why wouldn't Yamai make him earn his keep with the same gun? Except much as you can't make a fish climb a tree, you can't make a Tomi shoot a gun with intent.

Instead of appealing to his American side by trying to make him go pew-pew, the best way to make use of Mr. Eric Tomizawa is to place a weapon made for close combat in his hands and let his Japanese side go wild doing the stab-stab and smash-smash. Which is why Ichiban and his hero party is the perfect enrichment for Tomi to make him thrive. (Which is also why when you give Tomizawa the Desperado job, make sure to always shake your head to show you don't approve of his fever-dream actions lol)

[milesmarek]

all im saying is if the eagles win the super bowl… you best expect to see desmond miles there in philadelphia!

[firestorm09890]

my top 10 kingdom hearts characters:

organization member #6

organization member #6 (child)

organization member #6 (good) (adult) (this is really just here to emphasize how far ahead of everyone else this character is on my rankings)

organization member #2 (I'm not about to do the above bit a second time so just know this is for all his lifetimes)

organization member #9

brain

organization member #5

vanitas

organization member #1

organization member #12

[klm-zoflorr]

You know what they say: Age is just a number, prison is just a room and death is just a moment.

[study-core-101]

guess who is back!!!

[goingnearlyinsane]

as much as I like fix-it fics I think it would be really funny to put Dean into like. The Impasse

[staticraichu]

New fashion trend: obviously fake mustache (unisex)

[misayani]

being nat scatorccio's cool pink haired gf slight nsfw under the cut

→ everyone thinks that you're such an 'opposites attract' couple. nat being the 'alt' and grungier one, you being the feminine and 'lighter' one.

→ yellowjackets varsity will see anything pink and it'll automatically remind them of you. oh a pink pen? "it's nat's gf!" oh a strawberry juicebox? "it's nat's gf!" oh a pink tampon? "it's nat's gf!"

→ absolutely adores it when you put your hair up in pretty hairstyles, adding ribbons and clips and such. but personally prefers it when you tie it up in a messy pony tail or something. she just thinks it's so hot of you to be so effortlessly hot.

→ shows you off so much. modern!nat would have a special insta highlight just for you and your pink hair!!! it would be filled with pics of your messy hair or simply photos with pink elements that reminds her of you.

→ always light heartedly arguing over the fallen strands of hair on the shower drain thats been clogging it 🥀🥀 and then 99 percent of the time it's nat's because the strands are blonde!!!! and dead as fuck

→ since pink washes away so fast, your hair dying sessions would be every week and a half. nat would always offer to help you dye your hair which means, an hour hair coloring, and then half an hour of making out. and then it will always turn out to be messy. pink dye all over her fingers and on her shirt (and yours too). maybe a little pink dye getting on her hair too if she's lucky.

→ and then of course regular hair bleaching and dying results to dead hair so!!! dead hair gfs! couple goals.

→ AHHH NAT would DEFINITELY let you dye a small section of her bleached hair pink just so she could still have that small part of you with her at all times. it'll be cute walking around campus, hand in hand, while that vibrant pink catches almost everyone's attention.

→ nat hates crowds. so if ever she loses you in one, she'd get on her tippy toes and always look for that vibrant pink hair that stands out from the crowd. and she's relieved because she always finds her way back to you.

→ also applies when getting groceries, if she loses you in an aisle, she can easily spot you just by walking through the sides.

→ bleach (dates??) it comes naturally, just tell her "babe, your roots are showing." and she'll glance at yours and say "yours too." and then boom you both are wearing gloves—you're sat on the bathroom counter while she mixes the bleach formula up. you bleach her roots first, then she bleaches yours, and then rinse it off, and then when you're done with that part, she'll prepare the pink dye for your newly bleached roots.

→ (extra) fratboy!nat who swears she doesn't have favorites (out of all fuckbuddies) but then her ig bio is something like "🌸🌸" which is totally NOT something nat would put if she WASN'T referring to a certain SOMEONE

→ (extra) fratboy!nat WOULDDD be sm into hair pulling and she likes pulling yours specifically. and then whenever she misses you, she'll post something on her twt or ig story saying some shit like "miss having that pretty pink hair around my fist." like ughhhhh

you scroll through your tl, reading through many rants and shitposts made by your friends on their private accounts. and then, a certain post catches your eye—

@/donatgonearme: miss having that pretty pink hair around my fist.

you furrow your eyebrows, clicking on the reply button to type something.

@/donatgonearme: miss having that pretty pink hair around my fist.

⟶ @/youruser: ?? u fucking another pink haired girl?

you sigh, averting your eyes away from the screen for a moment, before a notification pops up, making your phone vibrate. you look back at the screen again.

@/donatgonearme: miss having that pretty pink hair around my fist.

⟶ @/youruser: ?? u fucking another pink haired girl?

⟶ @/donatgonearme: @/youruser shut up. you know it's only you.

— — — —

"yeah, fucking take it." she grunts, lifting her right hand and placing the cigarette between her lips as she takes a drag, pounding in and out of you from behind at the same time.

you clench around her strap, your moans turning out muffled from your face being planted on the pillow. "my pretty princess." you whine at the nickname, feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter.

"were you jealous?" she breathes out, exhaling the smoke. you shook your head against the pillow, letting out muffled noises. nat chuckles and grabs a handful of your hair, yanking your head up and making you arch your back. "huh? baby?" she taunts.

you choke out an answer, "n—no—" groaning at the feeling of her fingers forcefully tightened around your newly bleached roots. and newly bleached roots, means that your scalp fucking hurts and stings to the max. and that's what turned on natalie more. she knows the feeling of it, and so, she likes taking advantage of that fact just a liiittle bit.

"fucking liar."

[crowttore]

Genshin characters as ways animals court and mate

Welcome to another round of (hopefully) the weirdest biology lessons you'll ever receive. Essentially a shitpost, someone should take away my writing privileges. There could be better suited animals out there, I just chose from the ones I know. Some are reposts from my old blog, some are new.

Characters: Wriothesley, Dehya, Venti, Keqing, Kaeya, Xiangling, Neuvillette, Pantalone

Not seeing your fav character? Find more here

Tags: nsfw in the way a national geographic documentary is, there are no graphic details but proceed at your own discretion

Wriothesley - Acinonyx jubatus (Cheetah)

Regrettably, Wriothesley doesn't have as much time to see you as he'd prefer, seeing as he spends most of his time in the fortress. As such, he can be somewhat of a passionate and at times eager lover when he gets his hands on you. He takes pride in his physique and thoroughly enjoys when you're visiting and goes down to watch him train. Better yet if you see him win a match. Once he has you alone, he wastes no time getting close, his voice low and sultry as he asks about all that has transpired since he saw you last. His hands roam along your body as you try to answer, knowing full well nothing you say makes sense, heart swelling at the look in his eyes. It's fine, he'll ask again later when you're both relaxing with a cup of tea. Cheetahs are actually very straight-forward when it comes to reproduction. Males living in coalitions will sometimes fight for the right to mate. Females use a combination of vocal signals and urination to attract a partner, the male might also use urination to indicate his location. Once the pair meet, the male produces a series of sounds called the 'stutter-bark' which triggers female hormonal cascades and induces ovulation so the female is in prime condition for mating. Wriothesley could make a lot of people ovulate with his voice alone let's be honest.

Dehya - Orcinus orca (orca / killer whale)

You first notice that things have changed when Dehya starts inviting you along (only on jobs that are low risk, of course). Then you notice how her touch begins to change, what used to be simply grabbing your wrist to pull you back before a sumpter beast could trample you turns into a lingering hand at the small of your back or a thumb rubbing circles along the back of your hand as she doesn't let go. She's always been talkative with you, but at this point, there are so many layers to your communication that an outsider would have trouble following a conversation. Next, you realise that several in the Corps of Thirty recognise you as "The Flame-Mane's partner", something that only makes her smile and wrap an arm around your shoulder when you bring it up. "You don't seem to mind it". From there, she's in Sumeru City more often, dedicating her time there to you - especially if she can convince you to let her dress you up. Orcas are incredibly intelligent and have a very high level of social organisation. Pods are tightly knit but can split for a few weeks to months depending on conditions. Courtship behaviour typically includes vocalisation specific to the dialect of that clan (one organisational level above pods), play-like behaviour such as breaching the surface, and non-sexual physical touch. "Coerced mating" does not seem to appear in orcas, with one observed instance of a male (with the aid of its mother) attempting to kill a female's offspring to mate with her resulting in the female severely wounding the male and thus dissuading further attempts. Orcas have also been observed to... dress up.... by placing dead fish on their heads and swimming around like that.

Venti - Sepia apama (Giant cuttlefish)

This little charmeur knows exactly how to play the mating game despite competition being fierce. Not exactly imposing, people merely scoff when he cozies up to you. Sure, he has his hands all over you and his head making a bee-line towards your lap. But he's drunk. And oddly endearing in how gently he touches you, like you're something precious, his eyes almost shining when he looks at you. Gotta remember he's a poet as well, a few of his sweet words and it's impossible to resist going home with him. Giant cuttlefish males are very competitive and aggressive, with the largest ones being able to secure females. BUT smaller males, sometimes referred to as 'sneaker males', will wait for the larger male to be distracted and sneak past to mate. They've also been observed to change their colouring and hide their hectocotylus (think of it as a specialised penis-arm) to resemble a female and better hide.

Keqing - Hippocampus hippocampus (Short-snouted seahorse)

The Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing is, unsurprisingly, a busy young lady. However, that doesn't mean there's no time for frivolities. It's just a matter of adjusting your schedules, nothing a bit of planning can't handle. She's fond of inviting you for early morning walks, preferably bringing breakfast for a brief stop at the outskirts of Liyue Harbour. Of course, you notice that she starts asking for your opinion on a multitude of topics, most curiously when you've joined her for shopping and any compliment from your lips has a faint blush dusting her cheeks. Despite how independent she is, the closer you two become, the more comfortable she gets with trusting you to lighten her load. Absolutely adores coming home to you being all domestic. Short-snouted seahorses are extremely faithful to each other once they're a pair, even syncronising their reproductive stages to be fertile at the same time. The first time every day a pair meet, they perform a 'greeting' that typically lasts more than five minutes and consists of moving around together. Like all other seahorses, they are ovoviviparous, meaning the female has an ovipositor that she uses to deposit eggs into a pouch on the male's abdomen. The male carries the eggs until they are fully developed, at which point he goes into labour. Interestingly, a male in a secure pair is ready to receive eggs mere hours after labour without any negative health impact.

Kaeya - Pavo muticus (Green peafowl)

Kaeya is impossible. Between being quite the flirt and keeping everyone at arm's length, you well and truly have no idea what's going on. You think he always dresses up a little more nicely when he knows in advance you'll be there. You think he tenses a little less when it's your hand that brushes against his skin. You think he sounds a little more sincere when he invites you home. But that's the frightening part, you think a lot of things, but you don't know anything. Not until the day he looks a little worse for wear, makes no move to undress you after sitting down on the bed. He brings your hand to his cheek, guides your fingers to push his eyepatch off. You don't praise the beauty, instead opting to press a kiss to his eyelid. That's when he confesses to having only sought out your company and how he doesn't want to continue with things as they are. He wants more, even if it scares him. Green peafowl sets itself apart from the more commonly known Indian peafowl by not displaying lek behaviour (a lek is a gathering of males where they 'perform' for the attention of females that roam around). In the wild, young males have been primarily observed maintaining a harem, but because of conflicting observations, it is believed that while juvenile birds can gather in a harem, older birds form monogamous pairs. While the tail of a peacock is traditionally considered an ornament for attracting females, it is now also considered "honest signalling of fitness". A longer tail makes flight more difficult, and evidence points towards investment in tail growth happening at the expense of immune function. A bit like some unhealthy things humans are prone to partake in to enhance appeal.

Xiangling - Blattella germanica (German cockroach)

It probably comes as no surprise that Xiangling likes to surprise you with treats and meals. She takes great pride in making sure you're provided for and makes certain there's never a dull moment for your tastebuds. Maybe it's a little overwhelming at first, but don't worry, she'll learn your preferences for flavour combinations quickly. But more than anything, Xiangling loves being in the kitchen with you and seeing you add your own personal touch. Sure, she has a penchant for running all over the place, but there's no place like home. Blattella germanica males produce a sugary substance that they secrete from their back, offering it to females to keep them still long enough for copulation. This penchant for glucose led producers of pest controls to include it as bait, but as nature tends to, this has prompted a rise of glucose-aversion and a shift towards the sugary substance produced containing more complex sugars to distinguish the taste. Experimental little chefs.

Neuvillette - Torquigener albomaculosus (white-spotted pufferfish)

The kind, thoughtful, compassionate, awkward Iudex of Fontaine is the picture of "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit." Neuvillette has no idea what to do with himself the first time he feels his heart tighten at your smile. Unfortunately, he's not exactly subtle, various romance novels suddenly popping up around his office... He tries everything, consults Furina (not a good idea, too many sweets), the melusine (better but still not great, aquatic flowers aren't that appealing on dry land), gifts you pure spring water with a taste description matches your personality in his mind (Wriothesley begged him to just invite you for tea instead and Neuvillette should have listened). It gets especially bad endearing when he asks you to accompany him for a stroll. You're confused when he brings you out into shallow water, insisting you sit down while he proudly presents the partially submerged 'nest' so you will always have a safe place to return to. These pufferfish have some unique habits compared to other pufferfish. To impress a female and show that she will be well taken care of, the male creates a large nest on the seafloor, making big circles and pushing the sand around to get it just right. We're not exactly sure why they make these nest... And even less why they seemingly refuse to reuse them. It's believed that females pick a male based on how 'impressive' the design is and how fine the sand within the nest is - presumably for the safety of the eggs. If I were a pufferfish and a slightly different kind of pufferfish started showing off a nest, I'd be pretty confused.

Pantalone - Gerridae spp. (Water striders) OR Garrulus glandarius (Eurasian jay)

How Pantalone acts very much depends on who you are and how you behave. If you're simply a means to an end (his own release) then you can expect to be used, under threats of misfortune if you're uncooperative, and then discarded. But, if you've truly caught his attention as something worth keeping, then you can expect a well thought out, catered specifically to your tastes, display of his wealth and what he can offer you if you stick around. Gerridae males will mount the female while they're on the water surface and thrum his legs against the surface to attract predators (the female is more likely to be eaten since she is closer to the surface), only stopping once the female stops resisting. The eurasian jay has been observed to regularly give gifts, not only right before mating, and has displayed that conscious thought goes into picking what the female will appreciate the most, with often opting for bringing her something 'new and exciting'.

If you - for unknown reasons - would want me to assign your fav (from genshin or hsr) an animal, send me an ask (❁´◡`❁)

There's also a comprehensive guide on Dottore and mating

Genshin masterlist

[valiantothello]

Batman: A Lonely Place of Dying, Chapter 2: Roots

Its moments like this that show me how Dick is truly so much better than me. If a random kid walked up to me and said that about my father who just decked me in the face and told me to not come back, I'd get violent 😭.

And the funny thing is, we as the reader know that Dick has been "paying back" what he "owes" Bruce, as Tim says it. Batman Year Three shows Dick going to talk to Bruce after talking with his therapist *post-New Titans #53 in the hopes of settling the issues between them.

"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME ME FOR JASON'S DEATH!"

*New titans #53

Never say Dick doesn't go to therapy, guys

This all happens relatively close to each other, timeline wise. I'm pretty sure it's Dick; finds out Jason is dead, goes to Bruce, gets punched, leaves, has a Titans meeting and fires Danny Chase because he cant stomach mentoring someone so young anymore, goes to his therapist then goes to talk to Bruce again. Bruce isn't left to his own devices for very long, is what I'm trying to say. For even more reference, Jason dies in Batman #429: A Death in the Family and Dick comes back for his second talk with Bruce in Batman #436: Batman Year Three.

"BRUCE? BRUCE, WE'VE GOT TO-" "IT'S ALFRED, SIR. MASTER BRUCE IS GONE." "HE HAD TO KNOW I WANTED TO SPEAK WITH HIM, SO HE RAN BEFORE WE HAD OUR CONFRONTATION. ALFRED, I'M DEFINITELY FEELING YOU'RE RIGHT. SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HIM, AND HE'S AVOIDING THE VERY PEOPLE WHO COULD TRY TO HELP HIM." "OUR CONVERSATIONS HAVE BEEN MINIMAL AT BEST-- --AND ONLY WHEN I AM TENDING TO HIS WOUNDS... WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING BEFORE-- WHICH ARE MORE FREQUENT THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN BEFORE." "THE TITANS BEEPER. HOLD A SEC."

Batman #437: Batman Year Three

He goes to find Bruce but ends up finding out how much excessive force Bruce is using on his opponents. It's so bad that Dick has to call an ambulance for a guy Bruce left behind on his rampage.

"HE KEPT SHOUTIN AT US--WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GANG KILLINGS."

"WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING DOWN THE GRAPEVINE" "I HEARD A RUMOR--NOTHIN' MORE. I SWEAR IT 'BOUT RICKY ROSSELLI... I TOLD BATMAN WHAT I HEARD." "BUT HE DIDN'T BELIEVE 'IM. HE KEPT HITTIN' JACKY TILL JACKY COULDN'T TALK NO MORE." "I'M CALLING FOR AN AMBULANCE. WHEN I'M DONE, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU TOLD BATMAN." 'What's HAPPENED to you, Bruce? what's going on?'

Batman #437: Batman Year Three

He ends up finding Bruce, only to get shrugged off. They play a game of cat and mouse: Dick chasing after Bruce, trying to get him to open up to him and Bruce running away from facing both his feelings AND Dick.

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN UP, BRUCE? YOU CAME SO CLOSE. WHY DID YOU SHUT DOWN ALL OVER AGAIN?"

Batman #437: Batman Year Three

Essentially, Dick takes up the brunt of the emotional labour in this book but Bruce is not allowing Dick to help. He says this when confronted by Dick about it:

Batman #437: Batman Year Three

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"I HAVE SOME THEORIES I WANT TO CHECK OUT." "THEN I'M COMING WITH YOU." "NO! I DON'T NEED ANY PARTNERS."

The crux of the problem that Tim just doesn't get is that it's not about Dick not being Robin. Dick has been attempting to connect with Bruce, despite what he's done to him. The problem is Bruce rejecting partnership of any kind. He is pushing Alfred away, he is pushing Dick away. He cannot stomach the idea of a team anymore.

My point circles back to the idea of Dick owing something to Bruce. Dick owes Bruce nothing that he hasn't paid for in the form of years of loyalty, love and forgiveness. He will help Bruce time and time again and now the idea of debt is being thrown in his face and its like?? I think Tim saying that highlights how out the loop he really is on the Dick-Bruce relationship, despite everything he finds out, he has only gleamed the surface.

This was supposed to be a funny shitpost and it became meta oh ok 👍

[alllgator-blood]

(Technically 3 question about Shamura)

Do you think they would speak similar to the Gman from Half-Life? As in similarly awkward pauses/stutters/inhales/drawn-out syllables on account of their brain injury?

Also, do you think them having a sudden episode of visions could/would be similar to the whole "leave me alone" meme from Akira (like imagine them just chilling around having tea and then suddenly random images of Narinder going on a bloody rampage while flipping off the camera start flooding his mind).

Please tell me I'm not the only one who's always pronounced it "sham-yura".

ALSO CAN I JUST SAY YOUR VERSION OF KALLAMAR IS ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT KALLAMARS I HAVE EVER SEEN, LIKE LITERALLY YOURS AND AVELOKA-DRAWS VERSIONS ARE MY CURRENT TWO ABSOLUTE FAVORITE KALLAMARS AND I DESPERATELY NEED ONE OF THEM TO SWEEP ME OFF THE GROUND BRIDAL STYLE SO I CAN KISS HIM ON THAT TOOTHY FUCKING SPLIT MOUTH OF HIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(oh and your Narinder somewhat reminds me of those awful prank youtubers like Jack Doherty, like literally the most perfectly awful combination of spoiled+narcissist+sociopath, the only thing he's missing is that dumbass broccoli haircut)

I haven't played half life in forever but now that I'm rewatching the gman cutscenes, you're definitely onto something....if I could come up with what I think shamura could sound like, it'd have to be your suggestion blended with beatrice horseman (from bojack!) after she develops alzheimer's. I think gman's incredibly uncanny way of speaking mixed with beatrice's distantly pleasant cadence masking unending terror would be PERFECT for shamura.

NO WAY YOU MENTIONED AKIRA AND SHAMURA IN THE SAME SENTENCE CAUSE I LITERALLY DID A SHITPOST ANIMATIC A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT USES THE "DING!" SOUND EFFECT FROM THAT SCENE. I'LL HAVE TO POST IT SOMETIME. For my specific shamura, their visions and prophecies appeared only in dreams before The Incident, so their next angst comic is gonna be about the visions coming back while they're still awake. THAT'S when it becomes more like the LEAVE ME ALONE!! scene

I've heard youtubers say it like sham-yura but I'm dead set on shuh-murr-uh personally, I think they say it like that in kallamar's metal song!

OH GOD LMAO I FEEL LIKE JACK DOHERTY IS MORE OF AN EVIL PRESENCE THAN NARINDER CAUSE AT LEAST NARINDER IS FUNNY. My sister told me I should draw him with the fuckass broccoli cut, but I think narinder has been through a lot at this point, he doesn't need the prank youtuber haircut on top of that :')

ALSO, I'm very glad you like my kallamar that much and as such, I present you with this drawing! Idk how to draw a bridal carry but kallamar is just a bunch of wiggly tentacles so this was probably the perfect character to draw with this pose

[starrymuya]

*comes back from the dead to drop a random TD shitpost*

[atricksterproblem]

Yeah We're All Thinking It

Yeah, I don't fucking know. Here's a gross one-shot about it. XD

If it's possible for a minific to also be a shitpost, this is it.

V x Reader. Reader can be any gender.

Link to AO3

[side note on worldbuilding: what V is talking about when he mentions his House is that his demonic sire was part of House Lilith. Her House is devoted to the sin of lust.]

You always waited up for V back at your hotel room post-ritual. It was a tradition of yours to monitor your socials to see the early reports from the audience while you waited for him to return.

Tonight's posts were difficult to parse.

The commentary was largely composed of people declaring themselves dead after...whatever it was that had happened.

There were a few things involving hair.

And now the door opened and here was V, looking smug. Indeed, suspiciously smug. Like not only did the cat get the canary but it had the cream for dessert smug.

"V. Sweetheart. What did you do?"

He grinned. The grin was even more worrisome than the smugness.

"Whatever do you mean?"

Oh. Oh, it was going to be one of those conversations. Satan help us all.

You squinted at him suspiciously. "Just tell me, will you? my feeds are blowing up and nobody's coherent enough to say why. What. Did. You. Do?"

"Nothing much." He was still wearing most of his stage outfit, silky shirt, absurdly tight pants.

He stretched luxuriously.

There was a zone of visibility that suggested what the hell everyone was on about.

You'd told him those pants were way, way too low-rise for an active stage show. This had been discussed. They were not offset by the shirt he insisted on wearing. It wasn't by any means long enough to meet the need.

Turns out just raising his arms over his head was enough to create a precarious dip in the waistline. To the point that, not only were you looking at a treasure trail, you were looking at the beginnings of what it led to.

"Did you seriously do that on stage? Is that what I'm seeing?"

He snickered. "Might've."

"Oh my god. Are you fucking serious right now? I told you what would happen if you insisted on wearing that, didn't I?"

"Calm yourself, angel. They loved it."

"Hmpf. That's no surprise. Somehow, though, I think you did too."

"Maybe." He flopped onto the bed. "I'll never tell. Anyway, I didn't do it on purpose. It was a fortuitous accident."

"Yeah, you don't have to tell me. I know what a show-off you are."

"You love it." Now he was actually smirking, the bastard.

"Satan only knows why. You, sir, are ten pounds of trouble in a five-pound bag. Give me one good reason why I should put up with you."

He'd already unbuttoned his shirt by this time. He was fiddling with the laces of his pants.

"I've got your reason right here---"

"Uh huh. Classy, V. Real classy."

"Come on, angel. No harm done, yes? A few overexcited fans, maybe. I don't mind."

You sighed. "I think you actively encourage it." You ran your fingers idly down his stomach, following the light trace of silky hair downwards. He purred at your touch.

"You know what I am, angel. I am what my House has made me."

"And no doubt Her Dark Majesty is very proud of Her handiwork."

"I like to think so."

"Hm. I don't see how it could be otherwise." By this time he's undone the lacings. Your touch slides downward. The hair there is very soft. Nothing else in the vicinity is, though, now that you're stroking him. This is why you wait for him after every show. He's usually lit up with post-ritual energy, and after teasing his audience for a couple of hours, he's fairly desperate to be touched himself.

He arches up into your touch, silently begging for more.

Just before you slide his cock into your mouth, the thought drifts through your mind that if a glimpse of pubic thatch could melt the brains of so many fans, only imagine what they'd think if they could see him now.

Any incipient giggles are cut short. You have better things to be doing with your lips and tongue just now. The soft, yearning sounds V's started making would suggest that he'd agree.

[r-aindr0p]

The furballs are getting territorial

(what no I totally did not think of this because I am a cat owner no I never ended up with my hand covered in cat piss when I mindlessly pet my cat just coming back from the outside *sobs* )

Aazjhfdjskfhj I'm not dead !!! Just very invested in artfight until the end of july !! I'll get back to the regular shenanigans and answering asks in august, though I did think of this shitpost and took a little break today from artfight to... keep drawing I guess