#complete and utter chaos
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Today is just devolving into ✨chaos✨
#nsfwitchytalks#f u n#fun stuff at the salon today#just. an absolute shit show.#complete and utter chaos#I just wanna go home man
0 notes
Text
Leverage Redemption S02E10 The Work Study Job.
#leverage#leverage redemption#eliot spencer#daniel grey#christian kane#rob benedict#further proof (if it was needed) that eliot is a complete and utter chaos gremlin#ghostly'sgifs
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hot take: Kurama and Kushina deserved to be friends
#minato would lose his mind#the utter chaos that would ensue#but also imagining Naruto’s birth and Kurama going on a complete rampage#if they thought Kurama was a demon before — they ain’t see nothing yet#kurama#kushina uzumaki#naruto uzumaki#naruto
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Get booped you idiots
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
whoever was responsible for the chicken jockey bit in the minecraft movie should be shot. do you have any idea what you’ve done to every elementary school classroom in the country. it is APRIL and you’ve given them this. you should be charged with a fucking war crime.
#she speaks#we’ve been back for less than 2 days and i have no joke heard the phrase chicken jockey hundreds of times#yes sure let kids be goofy and annoying it’s important for their development#HOWEVER this has taken on a life of its own and it’s all they’ll talk about#we have a month left in the school year and they’re all so squirrelly already#and now every 5 minutes someone yells fucking chicken jockey#and every other student LOSES THEIR MIND and yells it back#it’s complete fucking pandemonium. utter goddamn chaos. complete disregard for anything else.#i’m in hell. who fucking did this to us.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
microsoft causing global chaos really should’ve been in my 2024 bingo card
#work was HELL#just complete and utter chaos and i have never seen this shift supervisor so stressed#the computers were all down and so were all the registers except one at any given time#we spent a good portion givibg away stuff for free because we couldn’t ring people up#the tickets weren’t printing so we had to go old school with pen and paper#everything was a mess#it was the most chaotic shift i’ve ever experienced
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Had the wildest D&D session today!!! Here’s some of the batshit stuff that happened, with as much context as I feel like adding:
- Pre-session, I brought some weird off-brand Oreoes from Home Bargains called U KNOW ME. Everyone else hated them, and I feel they really set the tone for the day.
- Our party is mostly a group of travelling orphans, we know each other from growing up in the same orphanage. Our human fighter is hired muscle, our tabaxi ranger is a spy(?) from a kingdom we visited, and our tiefling warlock is just sort of there, I think a long time friend? There are 8 of us in the party, I have no idea how our DM manages.
- The party fought slightly more powerful clones of ourselves, created/ summoned (?) by a necromancer. This combat started last session, so we started today mid-combat.
- The human fighter, and only straight player in the group, had to engage his clone in an extended makeout sesh so he wouldn’t decimate the party
- The tiefling warlock got wine drunk with her clone, during combat
- I (Pjon the halfling bard) (the P is silent) did possibly the best thing I’ve ever done, both in game and out. We were in a quite painful slappy fight with Dissonant Whispers, which I was losing, so I kissed my clone, distracting zir from the gun I drew, shooting zir in the head at point blank range (we visited a cowboy town and all got guns and hats). Our DM, as a bit of fun, decided to add the rogue’s sneak attack damage of 5d6 to the shot (which was 2d8+3 by itself). When they saw that I had nearly, but not quite, killed my clone with this move, they said “fuck it, you get another attack”. I will be riding this high for weeks.
- We tracked the necromancer down to a swamp, guarded by loads of undead. Our tiefling warlock casts purify water on the swamp, thus making the swamp holy and extremely corrosive to undead. Screams are heard.
- Our undead friend, Gregothy IV, stays safe by riding the giant boat I keep pulling from my bag of tricks. The boar can do the Macarena. This is how we befriended Gregothy initially.
- We rolled, placing ourselves on the Slut Scale. This was completely irrelevant to what we were doing.
- Despite doing my best to fill the Horny Bard stereotype, I have given up after being consistently out-hornied by the tiefling warlock. My +2 modifier to Slut, which is a class feat, still only left me with a total of 12.
- We killed the necromancer in less than a round. I suppose wizards aren’t known for their HP.
- it’s worth noting, the main reason we chased this guy down after he ran away and left us with the clones was because he kidnapped the adopted son of the fighter and the warlock (they co-parent). The son’s name is Strudel, he is a Horrible Little Flesh Boy, he was the warlock’s pet stirge that was turned into a real boy because of some god shit (I think the fighter multiclassed in warlock and sold his soul to the tiefling’s patron? And when he killed a guy the human-ness was transferred to Strudel? Idk, I couldn’t make it that week so idk the details)
- The necromancer had control of a town entirely populated with undead. Now that he’s dead, the town is ours. Gregothy IV is elected leader, and is now Gregothy I, as he is the monarch and we are now parliament
- We somehow turned D&D into a game of politics and rollercoaster tycoon, as our business model for this town is to turn it in to a tourist spot and/or theme park. God help our DM next week.
- The theme park will be called Deadpool Pleasure Beach, in honour of the holy swamp which we used to dispose of all the undead no-longer-animated corpses. Rides include The Boomerang, which has a 180° angle, and an as-yet-unnamed ride that has 17 inversions with only a lap bar as restraints
- Half the party went along with the plan because theme parks are awesome, the other half went along with it to make money from the business end. The fighter and the rogue both have stocks in a genasi circus we ran into a while back, which they have made a fair amount of money off.
#I love the absolute chaos we get up to on Wednesdays#it’s so different from my Saturday sessions. my gf runs that one and it’s a much more serious campaign#but Wednesday is always complete and utter chaos in the best ways#I honestly have no idea how our DM manages it. they’re a first time DM and there’s 8 people in the party#half of those are also first time players#both me and the person who plays the barbarian have theme park autism. which is extremely unlikely but absolutely great#my gf really enjoys sitting in on Wednesdays and watching the chaos. she’s now effectively Assistant DM#and has convinced our DM to be more evil to us. it’s absolutely brilliant#I can’t express how much fun we all have#dungeons and dragons#dungeons and dragons 5e#dnd#dnd 5e#The Marvellous Adventures of the Travelling Orphans & co.#ttrpg
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
i love reading ur tags 🥰
omg- this is so sweet???? thank you???? 😭💗🫂
I always feel like a bit of an insane person in the tags (which is so true i am entirely chaos-horn driven in them >:3) so I'm so glad it's enjoyable to read them!! Thank you so much non!!!~ <3
#waterfallasks#this is literally adorable like omg hi <3 thank u <3#sdhsjddhjsdhj i can't explain how genuinely happy this made me#what a way to wake up has completely made my day thank you so much!!~ <3#am so glad that u enjoy the utter nonsense ramblings of my chaos mind <3 hehe
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm making gingerbread houses! I bet that any of the papyruses would go fucking crazy with gingerbread houses
Ah that sounds so nice!! And agreed, I've been really enjoying thinking about the absolute catastrophe those guys would be cooking/baking over the holidays <3 Especially UT and UF Papyrus and their Undynes? They'd have so much fun desecrating the kitchen ahdjdjjs
#candy and icing everywhere. the gingerbread is not in anyway edible but it's very structurally sound <3#I can imagine us Papyrus and chara and undyne making a rube goldberg gingerbread contraption#was trying to think of some other shenanigans and made myself emotional thinking abt Dusk </3#anyway.#mv scenario where ut & uf papyrus undyne & toriel + us sans & alphys & the kids have a gingerbread house competition#complete and utter chaos...#anonymous#clear sky sunset#I hope u have lots & lots of fun anon!!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i started drafting something for oikawa partway through a narumi document. like, halfway down the page. and now i can't bring myself to separate them into two files because i just know it would piss narumi off so much.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tagged by @luinen-bluewater to use this couples character template.
Did my three favorite couples at the moment. Never done templates like this before but I tried my best.
#tagging games#bg3 ocs#gale x tav#astarion x tav#wyll x tav#this really just hits home for me how clearly gale x wendy are an example of “like attracts like”#meanwhile miraz and astarion are just complete and utter “opposites attract” and “enemies to lovers”#and then there's wyll and bei being this seesaw balance between calm and chaos
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I doubt anyone could stop me from attending, if I were truly interested in doing so. But between the crowds, and the fact that I would rather not spend however long I decide to stay being glared at by said crowds, I have far better things to be doing with my time."
Even as Sivel said it though, the expressions of his two students-- of the two prospective Luminaries-- caught his eye. Little flashes of disappointment that felt akin to little needles being driven into his chest.
Hardly a moment passes, before he heaves a sigh and crosses his arms.
"...I suppose if you both wish to see it, though...I could have a discussion with Ativere's deities. It will be good for outreach, and learning about some of the other realms, at the very least."
And just like that, both of them lit up in their own ways.
So much for all the supposed other things he'd been planning to do.
#[Sivel -commentary-]#Posts this a few days late because things got busy orz#Sivel is not a highly social person! Parties are fine because at least they have a sort of structure!#He can at least anticipate a lot of the things that might happen!#A festival though? Chaos. Complete and utter chaos.#He has no idea what to do with that sort of thing but gosh darn it if his students wanna go then he'll...somehow muster up the energy to go
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘 | hwang in-ho
( gif credits to @lalaray )
—summary: for some reason, player 001 seems to like you a little too much, way more than you think. amongst the chaos after the mingle game, he gets closer to you. —pairing: hwang in-ho/young-il/player 001 x female!reader —word count: 4.5k —warnings: bro has a lot of names, +18, smut !!! (minors dni), most definitely ooc!in-ho, descriptions of the reader having female genitalia, some porn with some plot, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, slight voyeurism? (a guard outside the bathroom listening all the tea💀), sub in-ho!!!, obsessive, possessive behavior, mentions of stalking, slight manipulation, in-ho being a slut for the reader, they want each others bodies so bad, panic attack, blood, killing, yk usual squid game stuff.
writer’s note: english is not my mother tongue, so please forgive me if there is a grammatical error. hope you like it!
ᯓ✶ part one ── part two


The first thing you saw were Young-il's eyes, and then you sensed his hands resting on your shoulders, a subtle touch but one that struck your entire core, sending shivers up and down your spine, snapping you out of the trance of shock, drawing you back to reality and back to him.
“Hey, hey, shhh...” he spoke softly, leaning close to you, making all you focused on was him, his voice, his eyes, the way his lips uttered your name. Him, him, him...
“Young-il?” you breathed out, matching your respiration to his ever-calm one.
He nodded his head slightly, his fingers stroking your shoulders soothingly. “You're okay. You did so good. It's over now” his soft whispers felt like an anchor back to earth, anchors you were clinging to with all your might.
“I got you” he assured you, helping you to your feet again. It was only then that you noticed that you were still in the room set of the third game, there was only you and him left in the arena, and the multitude of bodies sprawled around the bloodstained floor, of course. Noticing your gaze drift to the dead people, his hand lifted to your chin, standing right in front of you to block your field of vision and reduce it to just him, his serene face and piercing eyes, “Just look at me, angel. Keep those pretty eyes on me, yeah?”
He delicately pleaded you, his thumb tracing patterns of grazing caresses on the skin of your chin, treating you as carefully as possible.
And you complied, of course, succumbing to the gentle darkness contained within his eyes. Like a little lamb falling into the wolf's trap.
“There you are,” a little, honest smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
A couple of guards were standing near you, watching you in silence and strangely, allowing Young-il to comfort and help you during your panic attack. The first one you had since you had arrived in the horrifying place, you hadn't cracked once, holding a tough and fearless armor.
“You are safe with me. Nothing will happen to you,” his other hand moved down from your shoulder through your arm, igniting a warm flush on your skin under the passage of his palm, all the way down to encounter yours, his fingers intertwining between yours. “I'll make sure of that, okay?”
You merely manage a trembling nod, holding his gaze. His reassuring, gentle demeanor was all you needed at that moment, in that strange place, full of strangers, he seemed to be the only familiar sight to you, the light among all the ruthless darkness. And his face, exuding concern, completely captured your heart.
Young-il offered you that one protector figure you always needed, that someone to rely on and trust even in your darkest moments.
“Come with me, please” one of the guards, the one with a square outlined on his mask, interrupted your moment, stepping up beside you, his gun pointed at the ground and not at either of you, thank goodness. His voice held a diplomatic, yet polite tone, glancing at the two of you. Young-il glanced at him with a scowl on his face, not too happy that the guard had popped onto the scene, apparently, his gaze went ice cold in the span of a millisecond, “Sir, miss, you need to go back to the main room with the other players.”
“The lady needs to freshen up a bit, could I accompany her to the bathrooms?” Young-il asked— no, rather, he actually demanded of the armed guard, his demeanor shifting to an authoritative one, straightening up and looking at the masked man with imposing eyes.
The guard looked from Young-il to you and back to him, finally nodding his head just once after a few seconds of contemplation, looking at him too long, nearly as if he was considering Young-il's expression, “Of course. Come with me, please.”
You did not decide to comment on the strange behavior of the guard, even they had been acting like human beings, empathetic and considerate. You really couldn't think of anything much at all, all you could focus on was Young-il's hand placed on your lower back as you walked together through the winding, ridiculously colorful corridors and staircases inside the seemingly infinite building.
His touch had your mind a fuzzy blur and the panic and self-doubt in your veins had already been well forgotten, replaced by a state of constant flushing, feeling so small next to him. The feeling was a good one, though. Definitely.
Ever since you had met him he had seemed to have a special liking for you, always making sure you were safe and secure, putting you above the others, making you feel protected and seen. Before every game he made sure he stayed by your side, willing to take whatever risks were necessary for both of you to come out of it alive. Gi-hun had told you a couple of times that he liked you, much more than a friend, but you refused, huffing that it wasn't the place to think about that, much less regarding a man who was married, supposedly. The two of you had really bonded so well, as if you had somehow known each other for a very long time before this.
Once you were in the bathrooms, Young-il closed the door behind both of you, leaving the square guard just outside, and then guided you towards the sinks, opening one so you could take a sip of water.
“Let me...” he quietly whispered, rolling up the sleeves of his turquoise tracksuit and soaking his hands for a few seconds before raising them to your face, running his fingers gently across your cheekbones, removing traces of blood droplets that had been lucky enough to land on your skin, he thought to himself. For some reason, everything felt more intimate than it should have.
You stood in silence, watching him with big, attentive eyes as he wiped your face delicately, as if your skin were the finest porcelain. All that could be heard for a few moments was the water running from the sink and the thundering beat of your heart, desperate to flee out of your chest and leap into his.
“Young-il?”
“Hm?” he hummed, very much focused on cleaning your face, his countenance encouraged you to ask him anything you wanted, it was peaceful and gentle.
“Why do you care so much about me?” you dared to ask him, in a low tone, brave enough to hold his gaze, which softened at your question.
He held back his hands, pulling them away from your face very slowly, analyzing your flushed face for a few moments, contemplating an answer.
“You're special. Very different from the others.”
Young-il sympathized with you, with your history, your person. Usually when he looked at you, he saw his old self, from before all this. He saw in you the good side of things, your good heart, your innocence and kindness, you were much more than a pretty face. He could see past your usual gloomy and pouty face, past your sharp and too cunning eyes, you were too much for that place. And that's why he intended to take you out of there and keep you with him, to have you by his side to care for you and provide for you.
He was excited about the idea of getting to know you further, like a new game in which he had to crack his way through. And In-ho, he was good at games.
You blushed slightly, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, “Special?”
Young-il spun around, allowing you to see his side profile as he washed his hands in the sink, concealing the impulse to smirk as he noticed the immediate effect his words had on you. He had you right where he wanted you.
Now he wasn't wearing his usual dark mask, capable of covering his each and every emotion, no, now his expressions and gestures were for everyone to see, so he had to try a little harder than usual to be cautious. As you too were very careful and cautious, always attentive to your surroundings, you had figured out the objective of the last games as soon as you arrived at the arenas. It had been a record, no other player had been as interesting and quick-witted as you. You only needed a couple of minutes, a scan through the walls, the equipment brought by the guards, and you already had the answer. You were a prodigy. Not even he knew what you were doing in there to begin with, when you should have been in the best university.
You would definitely be a favorite of the filthy V.I.P.'s and that, for some reason, made him uneasy.
“Mhm...” he hummed once again, wetting his face now, refreshing himself as well, thoughtfully, “That makes you dangerous.”
His eyes held a slight playfulness as they met yours now, and his pupils expanded as he watched you step closer to him, unwrapping your sweatshirt from around your waist and lifting it up to his face, gently wiping and drying his skin with it, running the cloth carefully over his cheekbones, forehead and chin, drying every drop of water, sweat and blood that rolled across his skin.
“Why?” you tilted your head, big, interested eyes watching him intently as you carefully wiped his cheeks.
Young-il gazed at you for a few seconds, feeling himself swooning at the careful way you were treating him. He cleared his voice subtly before replying to you, in all honesty, “You're the only one I care about in here.”
Usually In-ho encountered with people who looked at him with fear, with trembling hands, hesitant voice and submissive manners. Most guards were like that with him, he was the Front Man after all. Just a movement of his fingers, a word emitted by his voice, was enough for the whole building to move at his command, for anyone to race to do what he ordered.
But you... you simply reached out to him, touched him, treated him with care, with gentleness and softness, looking at him with warm and sympathetic eyes.
“No other person makes me feel both weak and strong” he rasped out, quietly, his warm breath brushing against your lips, which gaped at his words, his choice of words, “That's dangerous for a man like me”
You motioned to pull your hand away from his face, but he was quick to grab your wrist, stopping the movement.
“Young-il, you're married, I can't—” you hurriedly opted to go the right way, trying to talk some sense into him, shaking your head softly, blinking several times within a single minute. Your heart was already starting to beat faster and he could feel it through his thumb placed on your pulse.
He shook his head, seeking your gaze, his fingers gently squeezing your wrist, not wanting you to move too far away from him.
“I'm not married. I lied” he revealed to you, almost desperately. There was no reason for him to lie to you on that, because he knew that you were someone he could trust, and that everything that was going to happen there, would remain within those walls. A little complicity. A minor crack in the script, in the whole scheme that he had been working on for weeks.
You let him grab your wrist and the jacket of the tracksuit you had previously held in your hand fell to the floor, making a muffled noise that echoed off the quiet walls of the bathrooms. Your brow furrowed slightly, not understanding what he was talking about now.
“You lied? Why?” you asked in a low tone, as if anyone could hear you. It seemed, at least it felt like too private and all too intimate a conversation for anyone to overhear.
“I didn't want to push you away and scare you with my... life resolutions” Young-il lowered your hand now joined with his, looking at you with brighter eyes than usual, “It was the wiser thing to do.”
“Resolutions?” all you appeared to be doing was asking and asking, and In-ho, right there and then, was willing to answer all you wanted to know. Your tone of voice drifted into playfulness, void of judgment or disgust, on the contrary, you reassured him, “All of us here have made bad choices in our lives, that's why we're here. We're all the villains of society”
“Villains...” he repeated, savoring the word and approving it with a gentle nod of his head. Then he tugged on your hand, lifting it to his face, placing an affectionate kiss on your knuckles, doing all of that while keeping eye contact, “But you're not bad, not like them, not like me. You're just so good, angel.” There was the petname again, and it held the exact same effect as when he first called you that, making you blush softly, your legs trembling just barely, your core reacting instantly, your body succumbing to his, longing for him.
His fingers caressed the palm of your hand tenderly, “You have no blood on your pretty hands, no perversity in your little head, no, you're a good girl. You always have been, right?”
He read you like an open book, even though you had been cautious and reserved since the games had begun, you had not let anyone in, much less pass over the walls you had built around yourself. Yet in the span of a few minutes, Young-il had ripped them apart, tearing his way through them, into you.
You caught a glimpse of pity in his eyes.
“You don't have a debt, you just don't have anyone out there waiting for you, to take care of you, provide for you” At his words, you gulped, watching him kiss your knuckles once again, making your heart race, then his lips kissed your pulse on your wrist, and after that, he tugged you closer, placing your palm against his chest, making you feel the beat of his heart as well, “I could be the one. I could take care of you, protect you, give you everything you want. There wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do for you and those eyes. You'd just have to stick by my side, look pretty for me, hm?”
In-ho had been watching you, of course, ever since you had met Gon Ji-cheol in the subway, ever since you had encountered Gi-hun. He knew your life completely, he had grown obsessed with you. You were everything he needed, everything he wanted, the missing piece in his new life. The anchor he desperately needed, yearned to hold on to.
And to your flesh he clung, his lips making a path of light, but tentative kisses on the back of your hand, across your skin, up your arm.
“Young-il...” you breathed out his name a bit stunned by the whole sudden confession. At the sound, he felt his limbs tremble, his lips had reached your bicep and it wasn't until he kissed your shoulder that he opened his eyes so he could look at you with raw adoration, his breath joining yours at the closeness.
“I'll get you out of here, safe and sound. I won't let them touch a hair on your head” he promised, reassuring you, pulling you in, inviting you to slip into his orbit, “I just need you to trust me”
Your eyelashes grazed your cheeks as you blinked slowly, your hand rising to his shoulder, thumb brushing his neck, “How will you do that?”
“Trust me” he pleaded, staring at you for a few seconds before leaning down into you, both of his hands landing on your waist, holding you against him, his face nestled into your neck, he began to press his lips into your skin, kissing it. You close your eyes in utter pleasure, feeling yourself getting all aroused, suffocated by all the attention, the sweet words, his desire for you.
“Would you do that for me?” he rasped out against your skin before kissing it, sucking lightly, “...hm?”
You nodded, swallowing hard, his lips rapidly kissing your throat, and suddenly, everything was him, his mouth, his breath, his hands squeezing your waist. Him...
You lifted your chin, allowing him more access to the soft flesh of your neck, seductive lips exploring every inch of your skin.
“Yes”
“That's my girl” he cooed with tenderness, kissing your neck one last time before pulling away from it so he could look at you, not even letting you breathe the air that had slipped out of your lungs for the entirety of his doing, before he was kissing your lips like a starving man.
He breathed against your lips in between frantic open-mouth kisses. He almost felt himself melt as his ears were blessed by the delightful little noises leaking out of your mouth, panting and low moans escalating up your throat.
“Young-il…” you whispered his name, your voice sheepishly lowering as you noticed the look in his eyes, your hands clasped around his neck, fingers trembling from the thrill and sudden shame that shook you.
“Jump” he said, his tone of voice heavy with command, his hands reaching around your waist and down onto your ass to lift you up effortlessly onto the side of the sinks, balancing himself tight against you in between your legs, which wrapped around his hips and pressed him further into you, under an instinctive impulse.
You panted against his lips as you felt his erection against the inside of your thigh, his body eagerly surrendering to yours in desperation.
His commanding voice and face were something that really turned you on even more, if that was even possible. It wasn't usual for him to be this stern with you, he was usually like that with the other players, with strangers, always cautious, quiet and tactful, meticulous of his every step and every word.
“W-wait— we're going to fuck in h-here?” you somehow managed to asked in between frantic, breathless kisses, barely opening your eyes, catching him with an expression of raw lust, pupils fully dilated now.
Young-il smirked playfully, allowing you to catch your breath for a moment, hands caressing your skin appreciatively beneath the fabric of your shirt, before dropping down and laying on either side of you against the sinks, veins bulging against his skin, “You want to do it in the other room? I don't mind having an audience.”
His little tease and the way he tilted his head made you blush furiously, fingers nuzzling the back of his neck, curling between locks of his hair.
“The guard will hear us...” you tried to talk some sense into him, whispering quietly to him, leaning your head even closer, as if you were little kids sharing a forbidden secret.
But Young-il stood his ground, kissing your lips shortly, to reassure you, noticing the worry in your big eyes, “Don't worry about him, don't worry about anyone,” his hand snaked between your bodies, spreading your legs a little further apart, “He won't hear a thing, they never hear or see anything. Not if they are ordered not to”
One of his hands reached up, stroking your hair soothingly, sensing the softness of your locks between his fingers. You were perfect, perfect. And he just knew he could lose all track of time, if it meant letting himself fall into you, touching you, feeling you, worshipping you.
"Lift your hips for me, yeah?”
Obedient, you lifted your hips just a little, letting him pull the hem of your tracksuit pants down your legs, taking it out of the way of obstructing his path into you.
“I know you want this as much as I do, you don't have to say it,” he cheekily smiled, looking up at you once he had lowered your pants down until they were at the level of your ankles. On his journey upwards, he kissed the side of your leg, your knees and your thighs without taking his eyes off yours, he was ruthless and you looked so pretty to him.
“Your body speaks to me, it has spoken to me since the first game. I've noticed the way you look at me. You are a naughty girl.”
You heaved a sigh, closing your eyes and pulling your head back as his hand dipped into the center in between your legs, feeling the wetness of your panties and the heat, your cunt pulsing around nothing. Your hands, now on either side of you clasped onto the ceramics of the sinks, your back arching beautifully.
You can't help the way your body trembles, flutters and simply submits when his finger rubs your swollen clit through your panties, feeling your face and your whole body flush, feeling a sudden wave of embarrassment at the magnitude of his words and the enormity of all that was happening.
“Look at you,” he cooed, eyes locked on your pussy once he had pulled down your panties with precise but desperate motions, ran his index and middle fingers through your slick folds, making you moan, “you're soaking wet for me, just for my kisses? Fuck, you are so beautiful. My pretty, dirty girl. Letting herself be touched by a stranger.... but then again, not a stranger at all, hm?” his voice almost sounded mocking when it reached your ears, “I need to taste you,” his gaze moved up to your face, and he looked nearly pleading, he licked his lips in anticipation, fingers sinking just barely into the small entrance of your core, “may I?”
“Please—” You at once nodded feverishly, almost whimpering over the words that rushed into your throat, “Yes! Please, Young-il, please—”
He dropped to his knees in front of you, slouching closer, sinking right between your legs, his hands lingered around your knees, squeezing them against him with a possessive hold.
“In-ho” he corrected you, flushed against the skin of your inner thigh, pressing kisses along it, all too drunk already by your intoxicating scent, his mind going fuzzy with desire, the urge to make you his, “Call me In-ho”
You didn't even pause to doubt what he was telling you, Hell, you'd call him God if he asked you to. You were in the palm of his hand, on full display. His lips kissed your sex and you mentally thanked fate for putting you there, with him.
“Say it” he ordered, just before he plunged his tongue deep between your folds, knocking all the little breath left in your lungs. “Say my name, angel” the vibration of his voice against the most sensitive flesh of your body clenched the knot deep in the bottom of your belly.
“In-ho” you named him between shaky whimpers and little moans, like a prayer. One of your hands dropped to his head, fingers sinking into the black of his hair, tugging it and making him hiss against your cunt. “In-ho...”
In-ho, In-ho, In-ho...
“Good girl”
God.
He ate your pussy like it was his very last meal, lapping and drinking in everything you had to offer, every bit of wetness from you. The slurping noise burst through every wall of the bathrooms and suddenly, you didn't give a shit if the guard outside heard you, you didn't give a shit if all the guards heard you.
They could be right there watching you, you couldn't care less, it wouldn't change the way you tugged at his hair, how your eyes rolled back and the way he was gazing up at you from below, kneeling perfectly between your legs as if they were the gates to heaven.
His tongue seemed familiar, his fingers squeezing your thighs, his eyes locked with yours, his lips kissing your sex with no breath, all the breath he needed was you. He didn't feel like a stranger, your body acquainted him, perhaps in another life. It all felt like deja vu, a reminiscence.
Your muscles tensed and he felt it through his tongue. You were about to cum, and your throat felt scratchy from all the moans and whimpers rasping through it.
“Gonna cum, baby?” he coaxed, pulling away from your cunt for just a couple of seconds, sneaking a hand in and pressing just barely at your entrance with a couple of fingers, kissing your clit and sucking it just right, “Yes you are,” he grumbled endearingly, his tongue tracing caresses all around your clit now, looking up at you.
“You're so tight” he marveled, watching in awe as your cunt eagerly attempted to suck in his fingertips, clenching and struggling to fit them. “Look at her, so eager... such a good girl, aren't you?” Once again he leaned into your clit, kissing, sucking and caressing it with his tongue, already too pussy drunk to stop. “Cum for me. Cum on my tongue, yeah, just like that”
“Holy shit, In-ho—” you hiccupped, feeling tears blur your vision, a wave of pleasure unleashing from deep in your belly. You moaned his name like a prayer, pressing his head closer to your cunt on an instinctive impulse, “Mmph!”
Maybe it was seeing his chin and mouth all dripping wet of you, or his dark, deep eyes marveling at how your pussy squeezed tight around his fingers, or his other hand sliding up under your shirt, finding one of your breasts and flicking your nipple. Maybe it was all of it, either way, you were cumming like you had never cum before. Your whole body was shaking and succumbing to the overstimulation. Succumbing to him.
In-ho gulped down everything you gave him like magic waters.
“You taste better than I imagined,” he confided, licking his index and middle finger as well, catching every trace there was of you that he could possibly consume as if it were honey.
Then, he kissed your pussy once more before standing up, sending shockwaves of electricity through your whole body with his touch, his hands settled on your hips, holding you so you wouldn't fall.
And he just smirked. He moved closer to you and kissed your mouth, making you savor your own taste through him, his hands appreciatively caressing your thighs, swiftly pulling up your panties back on.
“You're perfect, perfect,” he smoothed against your lips, his forehead leaning close to yours and he kissed you again, praising you, holding you tight in the afterglow of your orgasm, “My girl, my favorite girl, so good for me"
“We need to get back before someone starts to get suspicious,” he mumbled softly, helping you to your feet and pulling up your pants, always holding you with his hands and strong arms.
“B-but,” you retorted, your hands gripping his shoulders, still feeling your legs a little wobbly and unsteady, your dilated pupils and half-closed eyes following him as he arranged you, “I want to-”
He interrupted you, grinning warmly, stroking a lock of your hair away from your forehead before kissing your lips once more, as if closing a deal, a promise, “There will be time. Be patient, princess. We don't want the others to find out about my favoritism, do we?” seeing you still looking a bit confused, and still denying with your head, In-ho smiled playfully, “That would be very unprofessional of me, so this will be our secret”
This time you kissed him, sealing the secret.
#cosmictheo#squid game 2#i shouldn't like him but god knows i do#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game x y/n#in ho x reader#in ho squid game#hwang in ho#front man x reader#young il#front man#player 001#squid game smut#squid game fanfic#squid game season 2#squid game 2 x reader#in ho x you
6K notes
·
View notes
Photo
Oh god
oh fuck









139K notes
·
View notes
Text
just started a new story in a visual novel app and THERE'S A CHARACTER CALLED ARMAND???
Is this a signal from the universe of something IWtV related to come? (possibly)
or
Am I just suffering IWtV / TVC brain-rot? (most definitely)
#outing myself a teensy bit here#idc if people thing visual novels or choice based story apps are crappy or girly#they're too much fun#you can get completely absorbed in the stories (as I do)#or have wicked amounts of fun causing utter chaos and carnage (as I also do)#gimme all the cheesy plots and lemme cry or be chaotic#iwtv armand#armand le russe#amc iwtv
0 notes
Text
Sync or Sink || Vil Schoenheit
You, an overworked S-Class esper with the survival instincts of a damp sock, catch the eye of SSS-Class guide Vil Schoenheit. He decides you’re his personal fixer-upper project. Shockingly, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
or: Guideverse AU!
Series Masterlist
The world was already hanging on by a thread — economic collapse, melting ice caps, influencers starting cults via TikTok. It was a mess. You’d think that would be enough. You’d hope that would be enough. But no. Some ancient cosmic being — probably named something dramatic like Thar’zul the Chronovore — looked down at Earth and said, “You know what this needs? Fun.”
And by fun, it meant Gates.
Gates are like if cursed portals, radioactive sinkholes, and a haunted Etsy store had a baby. They pop up anywhere and everywhere: in libraries, parking garages, yoga studios, even in the middle of someone’s wedding ceremony. (“Do you take this—OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!”)
These glowing tears in the fabric of reality are basically open invitations to every monster, demon, and unholy abomination in the neighborhood. And if left unchecked, they break, releasing those nightmares into your already-taxed existence like a hellish game of whack-a-mole.
But don't worry! Humanity, against all odds, did not die out immediately.
Because the universe, in its infinite chaos, also gave rise to Espers. Special little guys. Think emotional time bombs with telekinetic temper tantrums and the ability to level buildings if they stub their toe too hard. Espers are the only ones who can suppress Gates and fight back the monsters. They're strong, fast, powerful—and also dangerously dramatic.
Like, “cries during dog food commercials” dramatic. “Blew up a vending machine because it ate their dollar” dramatic. If they don’t have someone helping them regulate their powers (and by extension, their feelings), they’re a walking nuclear disaster waiting to happen.
Which brings us to Guides.
Guides are born with the power to soothe, ground, and stabilize Espers before they turn into emotional IEDs. They go through rigorous training. They meditate. They are the human equivalent of “have you tried deep breathing?”—except instead of calming down toddlers, they’re keeping an Esper from melting the freeway with their grief-powered fireballs.
This entire survival system hinges on compatibility between Espers and Guides. Sounds romantic, right? It’s not. It’s mostly screaming, paperwork, and sometimes unspoken sexual tension.
So, to recap:
Gates = Bad.
Espers = Powerful but emotionally unstable.
Guides = The only thing standing between civilization and utter monster-induced ruin.
Together, Espers and Guides form the first — and only — line of defense between humanity and total monster-induced annihilation.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, this system hinges entirely on two people getting along.
Which, as anyone who's ever been in a group project can tell you, is a complete joke.
The Gate had been rough. You were bleeding, caked in monster goop, and running on exactly one granola bar, four energy drinks, and pure spite. Monsters just kept coming—one after another like it was a clearance sale on eldritch horror—and now your knees were shaking, your head was pounding, and you were 99% sure you were hallucinating the talking goat that told you to “go into the light.”
You stumbled out of the Gate zone, vision blurry. There were Guides waiting beyond the perimeter, crisp in their uniforms, radiant with that “I got 8 hours of sleep and drink water” glow. Unfortunately, most of them had already been snagged by the other Espers, who were quicker, cleaner, and not currently dripping ectoplasm from their sleeve.
You blinked. The only one left was… well, no. That couldn’t be right.
Standing a few feet away, untouched and oddly pristine, was a man who looked like he’d walked straight out of a high-end fashion magazine shoot titled "War-Torn But Make It Couture."
Tall, composed, and stunning in a way that made your brain short-circuit, he was clearly someone Important™. The other S-Ranks had actively avoided him, which should’ve been a clue. But your frontal lobe was melting. You didn’t have the bandwidth to care.
You wobbled forward like a dying Roomba, grabbed a handful of his sleek uniform, and mumbled, “Guide. That’s you, right?”
And then you slumped forward and face-planted directly onto his collarbone.
There was a pause.
“…Do you have any idea who I am?” he asked, incredulously.
You groaned. “Yeah. You’re a Guide. You’ve got the badge.”
Another pause. Longer, this time.
He sounded… offended. And faintly intrigued.
“…You don’t recognize me?”
“Should I?” you mumbled into his neck.
You didn’t see the expression on his face, but if your ears weren’t lying, he audibly gasped. Like someone had just told him dry shampoo was canceled. Like the very idea of not being recognized was a personal attack.
But instead of pushing you off, he slowly brought a hand up, fingers grazing your temple. You felt a wave of warmth radiate through your skull like a breath of fresh air had crawled into your ribcage.
It was… good. Too good.
A jolt of relief punched through your nervous system. Your heart rate settled. The Gate static stopped screaming in your ears. Your whole body sagged, weightless and calm, and you barely had time to mutter “holy shit you’re good at this” before your knees gave out completely.
You passed out in his arms.
And Vil Schoenheit—SSS-Rank Guide, national treasure, and walking perfection—stood there holding your limp, grime-covered, unconscious form with a complicated look on his face.
You came back to consciousness the way a phone boots up after being thrown into a wall. Slow, glitchy, and confused.
Something was warm under you. Something was very firm. You blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the strange sensation of not being in pain anymore. The Gate headache was gone. Your soul no longer felt like it had been sandpapered. You were, inexplicably, comfortable.
That’s when you realized: you were still wrapped around the fancy Guide like a human backpack.
Face: mashed against his shoulder. Legs: around his waist. Arms: locked in a desperate hug like a koala going through a rough breakup. And he… was just sitting there. On a recovery bench. Completely calm. Holding you like this was something that happened to him all the time.
“Oh,” you mumbled, sleep-dazed. “My bad.”
He tilted his head, glossy hair catching the light like it had a sponsorship deal with a shampoo brand. “Are you done?” he asked, voice sharp. “Or shall I assume you’ve permanently relocated to my clavicle?”
You peeled yourself off him with all the grace of wet laundry sliding off a countertop. “Thanks for, uh, not letting me die,” you offered, scratching your head.
He stared at you for a long moment. “Do you know who I am?”
You blinked. “…A Guide?”
He inhaled. Visibly. Offended on a spiritual level. The look on his face could’ve soured milk. “Unbelievable,” he muttered. “Are you actively trying to offend me?”
“What? You’ve got the badge! That’s all I need, right?”
Vil Schoenheit—as he introduced himself—flicked you on the forehead. It was somehow both dismissive and full of judgment. “Recover. Properly.” he snapped, standing in one fluid, graceful motion. “You’re lucky I’m magnanimous.”
He swept out of the room like a disgruntled ballerina.
You blinked after him, rubbing your forehead. “What the hell was that about?”
A nurse walked in and immediately gasped like she'd just witnessed a royal birth. “Oh my Seven—was that Vil?!”
“Vil… who?” you asked, trying not to sound like an idiot.
She turned to you so fast her clipboard flew off the counter. “Vil Schoenheit. SSS Guide. He’s a legend. Do you have any idea how many Espers have tried to bond with him and been turned away in tears?”
You stared at the door where he’d just vanished. “No? He just kinda… guided me.”
The nurse screeched. “YOU JUST KINDA GOT GUIDED—are you INSANE? That man once made a Grade-SS Esper cry because they wore Crocs to an informal debriefing!”
You slowly sat back against the pillow, eyes wide.
“…I told him ‘oops sorry lol.’”
You were still internally combusting about the whole “Oops sorry lol” situation when you finally worked up the nerve to go to Vil’s office. Not to bond—you weren’t delusional—but at the very least, to apologize. Maybe offer him a thank-you fruit basket. Or one of those luxury hair masks. Something.
Espers were better paid than Guides. That wasn’t a flex—it was just how the system worked. You’d always thought it was kind of unfair, but now, standing outside his office, you suddenly felt even worse. Because if Vil was being underpaid to deal with Espers, plural, like you? He deserved hazard pay.
You raised a shaky fist and knocked on the door before pushing it open.
The door opened, and you were hit with the distinct scent of wealth, vintage cologne, and spiritual intimidation. The office looked like it belonged in a magazine titled Power & Passive Aggression: Interiors for the Elite. It had velvet chairs. A chandelier. And on the floor, sobbing, was an SS-ranked Esper.
“Please,” she was whispering, clutching Vil’s coat like he was the last lifeboat on the Titanic. “Please, just once. I know I’m not SSS, but my compatibility score is so close—”
“I don’t guide based on some arbitrary number,” Vil said coolly, extracting himself with the same disdain you'd use to avoid stepping in gum. “I guide based on worth.”
You were already edging away when his eyes snapped up—and softened.
“…What are you doing here?” he asked, voice shifting so drastically in tone it gave you whiplash.
“I—uh. I just wanted to apologize. For, you know. The slumping. And the drool. And the calling you ‘a Guide’ like you’re not the Guide.” You laughed nervously. “Also. Uh. I can repay you?”
He stared at you like you’d offered to give him pocket lint.
Then, without even glancing at the SS Esper still on the floor, he waved a perfectly manicured hand and said, “Leave.”
She looked up, stunned. “W-what?”
“I said leave.” His voice sharpened like glass under velvet. “Now.”
You watched her scramble out in silence. Then Vil turned to you, posture relaxing like you were an entirely different species of Esper.
“Sit,” he said, pointing to the velvet chair.
You obeyed. Of course you did. Your legs moved like they belonged to someone else.
“I didn’t come here to be guided,” you said quickly. “I just thought I’d offer some compensation since you took care of me back at the Gate, and—”
“Hush.”
You blinked.
“I didn’t guide you for compensation,” Vil said, moving closer, “and I certainly don’t require repayment.”
“But I—”
“Do not interrupt me,” he said smoothly, placing his hand just under your jaw and tilting your head with two fingers. “Close your eyes.”
You did.
And just like before, the storm in your chest went still.
He hadn’t even made full contact yet, and already your frayed nerves calmed, your aching muscles relaxed, and that hollow echo left by the Gate quieted.
You opened your mouth to speak again—because, honestly, who wouldn’t panic under that much raw focus—but his voice cut in before a single syllable escaped:
“Did I say you could talk?”
You shut your mouth.
Vil smiled. Like he’d just won something important, and wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet.
“Good. You learn quickly.”
You staggered out of the Gate like a soldier crawling back from the front lines of a war no one believed in. Your clothes were singed, your limbs were shaking, your skin was buzzing with leftover energy that had nowhere to go, and your brain was running the Windows 95 shutdown noise on loop. You had fought monsters for the past hour with all the grace of a dying blender.
Everything hurt. Your body felt like it had been used as a battering ram. Your soul felt like it had been microwaved.
So when you saw the sweet, merciful glow of a Guide badge ahead in the crowd, your instincts took over. You staggered forward like a half-dead Roomba on its last cycle, locked onto the nearest beacon of safety.
The Guide in question had orange hair and the smug look of someone who thought they were God’s gift to humanity despite the fact they were clearly holding a vape pen and a clipboard.
You didn’t care.
You lurched toward him, arms outstretched like a cryptid emerging from the woods.
“BRO NO,” he yelped. “DUDE, I’M NOT CERTIFIED FOR THIS LEVEL OF TRAUMA—DON’T PUKE ON ME—”
But before your forehead could connect with his very punchable shoulder, a blur of movement swept in.
You were yanked back by the collar like an untrained dog trying to bolt into traffic.
“Absolutely not,” a cool, smooth voice said with the unmistakable tone of expensive disdain. “You are not grounding with him.”
You turned sluggishly to your new captor and immediately forgot how to breathe.
Vil. Hair perfect despite the apocalyptic weather conditions of a gate zone. Wearing a coat that probably cost more than your entire existence and looking at you like you were a particularly unfortunate stain on said coat.
You blinked at him. “Am I in trouble?” you mumbled.
Vil arched a brow. “You’re seconds away from slumping onto a Guide who once tried to ground an Esper by playing lo-fi beats through his AirPods. Yes, you’re in trouble.”
You were too tired to be offended.
He sighed, took your hand, and suddenly, bliss.
Like every nerve in your body was dunked in lavender oil and told to shut up. Your breathing evened out. Your vision cleared. Your bones climbed back into their sockets like, “Our bad, we’ll behave now.”
You let him guide you to a nearby bench, too dazed to do anything but follow the magical angel who had just saved you from the worst decision of your life.
Vil sat gracefully. You slumped next to him like a dying cactus in a thunderstorm.
“Post-gate recovery is non-negotiable,” he said, like he hadn’t just watched you nearly expire in public.
You closed your eyes and focused on the cool, steady rhythm of his guidance, and then—
A crinkle.
You opened one eye to see him pull a juice box from his bag. With a bendy straw.
He inserted the straw and handed it to you like you were a toddler who’d just had a very bad day at daycare.
You stared at the juice. Then at him. “Is this for me?”
“No,” he said dryly. “It’s for the other S-class Esper currently drooling on my coat.”
You blinked, deeply touched. You took a sip.
It was… heavenly.
You made a soft noise, somewhere between a whimper and a sigh.
And then—your eyes stung.
“No,” Vil said immediately, without looking at you. “Whatever emotional reaction you’re about to have—don’t.”
You sniffled. “But you brought me juice. Nobody’s brought me juice since I got classified. Everyone just shoves me into Gates and tells me not to die.”
He flicked your forehead. “If you die, I have to find another Esper whose personality doesn’t give me hives. That sounds exhausting.”
“Are you… saying you like me?”
“I’m saying your emotional resilience is marginally less pathetic than average,” he said, adjusting your posture so your head leaned more comfortably on his shoulder. “And I don’t hate your voice.”
You sipped your juice box, trembling like a Victorian child given a warm meal for the first time.
No one had treated you like this since you joined the system. You’d been weaponized, categorized, and told to sit still and kill things on command. You were a tool. A number. A sharp object.
But Vil wasn’t afraid of your sharp edges. He looked you in the eye and said, “That’s a guide badge you’re drooling on, potato. Not a chew toy.”
And then gave you juice.
You sniffled again.
“If you sob, I will end you,” he muttered, but his hand never let go of yours.
And you knew, deep in your wrecked little Esper heart, that you would fight a thousand more gates just to be guided by him again.
Even if he bullied you the entire time.
So apparently, post-gate recovery hadn’t just been juice boxes and emotionally confusing hand-holding.
No. It turned out you had to take something called a Routine Compatibility Check for “guidance efficiency optimization.”
You hadn’t known what any of that meant, but someone had shoved a clipboard at you and told you to “go sit in the glow room and don’t touch anything,” so there you were. Sitting in a sterile white room that smelled like hand sanitizer and despair. Waiting to meet your newly assigned “guidance match.”
A door creaked open.
You turned around—and in walked a guy who looked like he hadn’t seen direct sunlight since the invention of the lightbulb. His shoulders were hunched, hoodie too big, blue glowing hair all mussed like he’d lost a fight with a hairdryer. He had eyebags for days and the posture of a raccoon caught mid-fridge-raid.
He looked at you.
You looked at him.
He looked at you harder—and visibly recoiled like you’d just bit him.
“…Uhhh,” he said, voice high and trembling. “You’re the S-class?”
“Yup,” you replied.
“Oh no.”
This man looked like he was seconds from writing “HELP” on the window with a dry erase marker. His hand was already twitching toward the panic button. He was mentally Googling “what to do when assigned a battle demon.”
You opened your mouth to say something reassuring—like, “Hey, I only explode on some guides,” or “I’ve never actually flattened a building during a meltdown”—
—but the door slammed open behind you.
“Absolutely not.”
You turned around.
Vil Schoenheit stood in the doorway like the wrath of God dressed in Gucci. Impeccable coat. Sunglasses indoors. Holding a coffee cup that you knew wasn’t from the office vending machine.
He eyed the situation—your tentative shuffle toward your new guide, the way the poor guy was gripping his ID badge like a rosary—and his lip curled like someone had just handed him expired tofu.
“I’m taking them,” Vil said flatly to the Guidance Office rep standing nearby. “This is non-negotiable.”
The rep blinked. “But, Mr. Schoenheit, the match—”
“—was laughable. They’re mine.”
Your poor assigned guide looked so relieved it was almost insulting.
“Thank the stars,” he mumbled, already gathering his things like you were a bomb that’d just been safely disarmed. “No offense, but I really don’t do well with… uh… physical contact or eye contact or conflict or—”
You were too stunned to reply as Vil grabbed you by the wrist, effortlessly pivoted on his heel, and strode out of the room with you in tow like a high fashion tornado.
You stumbled after him. “Okay, hi, hello? What was that?”
“I saw your assignment,” Vil said coolly. “I couldn’t, in good conscience, let that continue.”
“But—I thought you weren’t accepting new matches?”
“I’m not.”
You blinked. “So…?”
He glanced over his shoulder at you, slow and deliberate, like you weren’t quite connecting the dots fast enough.
“I didn’t consider you ‘new'.”
You shut your mouth because your brain was full of static. Something about the way he said that made your knees consider filing for divorce from the rest of your body.
He guided you all the way to the elevator, in silence, while you tried to process what had just happened.
You, apparently, had been claimed.
And worst of all?
You thought you might have liked it.
It all started with a noble quest. A simple dream.
You just wanted a hoodie.
Not a fancy one. Not a designer one. Not a limited edition “inspired by the blood of fashion victims” collection. No, no. You wanted one of those oversized, marshmallow-soft hoodies that whispered “lay down and give up, my liege” every time you put it on. The kind of hoodie that could absorb emotional damage.
So there you were. Financially stable (thanks, murder gates), emotionally unstable (thanks, murder gates), and elbows-deep in a display bin labeled “3 for 2: Emotional Support Wear”, when fate struck.
Or rather, sashayed past in four-inch heels and an aura of contempt.
Vil.
You froze. He looked like he’d just walked out of a fashion spread. Every strand of hair in place. Jacket tailored within an inch of its life. Cheekbones that could slice open a space-time rift. And where was he going?
Straight into a boutique so fancy it looked like it would ask you for a résumé just to step inside.
Naturally, you turned the other way. This was not your world. You were not dressed for it. You were wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt with a questionable graphic of a goose wielding a knife. You were simply a humble raccoon-person in search of softness.
But then—
“You.”
Oh no. Oh god. Oh no god.
You turned around slowly, hoodie clutched to your chest like a shield. Vil stood there with shopping bags and the expression of someone who’d just discovered a stray in his favorite restaurant.
“Come. I need hands.”
“Sorry,” you said. “I left mine at home. Can’t help you.”
He blinked. Then, with all the confidence of someone who didn’t hear nonsense, he handed you his bags and turned around, fully expecting you to follow.
And you did. Because unfortunately, curiosity was stronger than shame.
The next hour? Was… actually kind of amazing.
Vil didn’t shop. He conquered. He moved through stores like a well-dressed storm, flinging judgment at poor fabric choices and muttering dark things about asymmetrical hemlines. Store staff parted for him like he was royalty. Other customers wilted under the weight of his gaze.
You, meanwhile, trailed after him like a high-end goblin, carrying his many, many bags, dressed like a sleep-deprived college student who had just lost a fight with a laundry machine.
It was great.
You watched him try on outfits with the kind of reverence usually reserved for museum pieces. He was graceful. Efficient. Disgustingly photogenic. You felt like you were witnessing a documentary: “The Endangered Fashion Icon in His Natural Habitat.”
And then, miraculously, he let you live.
He suggested a coffee break and even let you pay—probably out of pity. You made a mental note to deduct it as a business expense under “accidental deity encounter.”
Sitting across from him, sipping overpriced lattes, you made a joke. Something dumb. Something about a pair of jeans you'd seen that looked like they'd been personally attacked by a cheese grater.
Vil laughed.
You were not prepared.
It was real. Warm. Shockingly cute. Like, “I’ve been guiding murder monsters all week and now suddenly I believe in joy again” kind of cute.
You stared. He looked at you. You looked away, sipping your drink very intently, trying not to say “please laugh again, it heals my soul.”
You didn't say it out loud.
But you thought it really hard.
You walked into Vil's office like a responsible little murder gremlin, fully prepared for your weekly check-up guidance session.
What you were not prepared for was the sheer atmospheric rage brewing inside.
Vil was pacing like a cat who'd just realized its favorite toy was in the hands of a toddler—absolutely done with life. He was muttering to himself under his breath, phrases like, “Espers with zero gratitude... how dare they ask for guidance without a thank-you,” and, “I swear if one more person thinks my time is free like it's some kind of community resource—
He saw you, exhaled the deepest sigh known to man, and pointed at the couch like he was casting a curse. Not a word of greeting. Just The Finger of Sit.
So you sat. For about three seconds.
Then, something in your little gremlin heart said: No. He is cranky. He is suffering. This is a job for Emotional Support Esper.
You got up, walked behind him, and—without a word—started massaging his shoulders.
Vil tensed like a cat about to fight god. Then slowly—slowly—melted into it.
“This isn’t part of your session,” he grumbled, but it lacked bite. His head tilted forward, giving you better access. “You’re not guiding me, you know.”
“I’m aware,” you said, digging your thumbs in just right. “You’re welcome.”
He didn’t reply. Just… breathed. It was weirdly serene. You, massaging one of the most powerful and terrifying guides in the country. Him, finally looking like he wasn’t five seconds away from incinerating someone with nothing but his glare.
Eventually, you sat back down on the couch. And then—shock of all shocks—Vil slumped down next to you.
No dramatic speech. No biting commentary. Just one very exhausted, very overworked guide leaning on your shoulder like gravity had personally betrayed him.
“…Don’t say a word about this,” he murmured, eyes already closed. He reached for your hand, like it was the most normal thing in the world, and held it tight.
You stayed there for a long time.
You didn’t move. You didn’t speak.
You just sat with him in silence, wondering how the hell you’d gone from emotional demolition expert to comfort pillow. And, weirdly, feeling kind of honored.
You weren’t sure how you got home, but judging by the trail of blood, sludge, and crushed energy drink cans leading up the stairs, you had clearly made the journey using sheer spite and possibly a small miracle. Your legs moved on autopilot, powered by rage, trauma, and about four remaining brain cells—none of which were cooperating.
You’d just come back from a gate that had gone so poorly, it might as well have been cursed by the gods, the devs, and your second-grade math teacher. Breach. Casualties. Screaming.
There was definitely a moment where you almost flung a monster into a building and then screamed louder when you realized it was the emergency response building. Whoops.
It wasn’t even your assigned gate. It was a last-minute scramble. You and a handful of other S-rank espers were yanked in because the gate was behaving badly. Like, “snarling, vomiting monsters that defied physics” badly. And you—foolish, heroic, caffeine-soaked gremlin that you were—ran in first like someone had dared you.
You fought. You fought so hard you forgot your own name for about two hours. And still, people died. People always died. But this time, it felt like too many. You saw a little kid’s shoe and had a breakdown mid-punch. You tried to do everything, and your body just… stopped cooperating.
You didn’t even get guided afterward.
Vil wasn't at this gate. The other guides were all assigned or recovering themselves. Some were crying. A few had fainted from strain.
And you? You looked around, felt your knees give out a little, then just muttered “okay cool” and left like a ghost clocking out after a double shift at a haunted Wendy’s.
By the time you reached your apartment, you were so dissociated you forgot how doors worked. You stood outside yours for a full minute before realizing the knob turned left. You walked in, left your boots and weapon where they fell, and didn’t even consider locking the door behind you.
Let fate come. Let a gate burst into your living room. Let some criminal wander in and steal your furniture. That was Future You’s problem. Current You was Busy.
You peeled yourself out of your battle gear like a sad, oversized fruit roll-up, leaving it in a heap that would absolutely start growing mold by tomorrow. You wandered to the kitchen, opened the fridge, stared inside for three solid minutes, and then closed it again. There was nothing in there but expired yogurt, an empty ketchup bottle, and the overwhelming sense of despair. Just like your soul.
Your eyes landed on the couch. You made eye contact. It made eye contact back.
You didn’t go to your bed. The bed had too much hope. The couch? The couch knew. The couch had seen things. It was your emotional support furniture, and it beckoned you with lumpy cushions and the faint scent of Febreze and failure.
You collapsed into it with the grace of a dying walrus, grabbed the nearest throw blanket like a life raft, and curled up.
Your muscles throbbed. Your eyes were dry, too tired to cry. Your heart was heavy and hollow, a contradiction wrapped in fatigue.
You didn’t call the Guidance Office.
You didn’t reach for your communicator.
You didn’t even consider getting guided.
Because why would you?
You hadn’t earned it.
Guidance was for espers who did good. Who came back whole. Who saved people and feel okay about it.
You didn’t want anyone to see you like this. Least of all Vil—the most terrifyingly elegant guide in existence, whose soothing voice could calm a charging bull but whose judgmental stare could reduce you to ash on the spot. You could already imagine it:
“Potato, why didn’t you call?” And you’d go, “Because I sucked. And also I was busy eating my weight in sadness on my couch.”
So no. No guidance. No messages. No crying. Just you, your depression blanket, and your ever-growing collection of trauma under a mountain of emotional avoidance.
You passed out like that, too. Face-down, limbs sprawled, snoring gently, still wearing one sock and gripping the couch cushion like it owed you rent.
And in the hallway, your door remained unlocked.
Because honestly?
Let the monsters come.
You’d either sleep through it or invite them in for leftover yogurt and mutual despair.
You woke up feeling like a truck had hit you, reversed, parked on your spine, and left its high beams on just to be petty. Every bone in your body creaked like an abandoned haunted house. Your mouth tasted like regret and half a protein bar. Your blanket was half off the couch, half on the floor, and a mysterious corn chip was stuck to your elbow.
You blinked at the ceiling in confusion. Then your phone screamed.
100 missed calls.
37 texts.
All from: Vil Schoenheit.
Each message angrier than the last.
The final one simply said: “Pick. Up. Now.”
You did.
The moment the line connected, there was a beat of silence—then his voice, sharp and low like the edge of a knife:
“Address. Now.”
You mumbled something barely coherent, possibly your zip code, possibly the ingredients of a burrito. Either way, you texted him your location, dropped the phone on your chest, and passed out again like a Sims character who ignored every need bar until they collapsed.
The next time you woke up, it was to someone violently shaking you like they were trying to exorcise a demon.
“The door was wide open. Wide. Open. Are you out of your mind?! What if someone broke in?! What if something followed you?! What if—”
You cracked one eye open. Vil was kneeling beside your couch in full luxury casuals, flawless hair tied back in a silk ribbon, eyes blazing with a fury usually reserved for war crimes or off-season fashion.
“Why didn’t you call me?!” he snapped, voice wobbling between fury and panic.
You sat up slowly. Your limbs felt like wet noodles. You looked at him—actually looked at him—and saw the edges of worry in his perfect posture. You didn’t think. You just leaned forward and wrapped your arms around him, clinging to his surprisingly warm, cologne-scented form like a soggy baby koala.
He froze.
Then he hugged you back, one arm sliding firmly around your waist, the other hand smoothing over your hair with a tenderness that made your throat tighten.
“You didn’t respond,” he murmured, voice much softer now, like he’d deflated the moment you touched him. “I was at a gate, and you—you should’ve called me. You idiot.”
“I didn’t deserve it,” you croaked, still clinging. “I couldn’t save everyone. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t—”
THWACK.
He flicked you so hard on the forehead you saw colors. You yelped and recoiled, holding your skull like he’d smacked you with a frying pan.
“OW—what the hell, Vil?!”
“Use your brain,” he snapped. “You don’t have to earn guidance. You lived. You fought. You made it back. That’s enough.”
You stared at him, stunned and blinking. Your brain, which had been curled in a ball screaming failure failure failure, screeched to a halt. It didn’t know what to do with this information. It flailed.
“...but—”
“No.” He pressed two fingers to your temple. “Quiet.”
And just like that, warmth bloomed across your skin. Calm, grounding, steady. His presence wrapped around your rattled mind like a weighted blanket.
You hadn’t realized how loud your thoughts had been until everything went quiet.
You slumped forward again, forehead on his shoulder.
“…thank you,” you whispered.
He made a soft, exasperated noise and squeezed your hand.
“Next time,” he muttered, “if you don’t call me, I will drag you to a spa against your will and lock you in a bathhouse for six hours.”
Honestly?
That sounded kind of nice.
You nodded into his shoulder and let the warmth pull you under again.
It wasn’t a thunderbolt moment. There was no dramatic gasp, no heart-skipping beat, no rom-com soundtrack swelling in the background.
No. It happened while Vil was in the middle of passionately criticizing your instant ramen consumption.
“You don’t even check the sodium levels, do you? Of course not. Why would you? That would require basic self-preservation instincts, which you clearly lack,—are you even listening to me?”
You were, actually. Kind of. Mostly you were just watching the way his eyes flashed when he got worked up, how his voice lilted, how his hair caught the light like he had a personal filter on at all times. His hands moved a lot when he was mad—elegant, precise little gestures like he was conducting an orchestra of outrage.
And somewhere in the middle of him saying something about how your body was “not a landfill for factory-processed poison,” you thought:
Wow. He’s perfect.
There was a pause.
A silence that felt loud in your own brain.
Not because he noticed—no, he was still going. But you did. You noticed. And you felt your entire emotional infrastructure collapse like a badly built IKEA table.
You sat there, nodding along, eyes wide and empty like a man realizing he’d dropped his phone into lava. Because you knew exactly what this meant.
You were so, so screwed.
You didn’t even try to deny it. You were too tired for that. Too experienced in emotional disasters to think, “maybe it’s just a crush!”
Nah. You liked him. For real. In the "I’d wear sunscreen just to impress him" kind of way. In the "he could tell me I look homeless and I’d say thank you" kind of way.
So, you just accepted your fate.
You nodded solemnly while Vil insulted your meal plan and thought:
Well. I guess this is my life now. Time to emotionally implode in private.
You weren’t going to tell him. Absolutely not. The man had standards higher than Mount Everest. You were a gremlin in sweatpants. He guided you out of what had to be some misplaced sense of moral responsibility, not because he liked you.
So, your plan was simple: keep it quiet. Let the crush rot in your chest. Maybe it would fade. Maybe Vil would never find out. Maybe you’d survive.
…Maybe.
“Are you even paying attention?” Vil snapped, snapping his fingers in your face.
You jolted back to reality. “Yes! Yes. Sodium bad. Body temple. I got it.”
He narrowed his eyes, suspicious. “You’re acting weirder than usual.”
“I’m always weird,” you said quickly. “That’s my brand. Very consistent.”
He sighed dramatically and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hopeless.”
You watched him for a second longer and thought, God, I’m doomed.
And then you smiled and said, “Yeah. But at least I’m charming about it.”
He rolled his eyes.
But he didn’t deny it.
You were just trying to survive. That’s all.
Because being around Vil Schoenheit every other day, breathing the same air as him while he guided you while scolding you, was no longer tenable. Your heart was staging a full-blown coup against your sanity.
Every smirk he threw your way shaved years off your life. Every time he flicked your forehead for being “reckless” or “insufferable” or “a walking cautionary tale,” you internally swooned like a Victorian maiden on a fainting couch.
So, you did what any emotionally fragile raccoon-person would do when faced with unattainable love and regular exposure to flawless cheekbones: you fled.
To the Guidance Office.
You kept your voice steady when you asked for your previous guide’s contact. The poor intern looked like he’d rather explode than question you, especially once he realized who your current guide was.
Still, he handed over the transfer form and you sat down, heart racing, tapping your pen like a death drum. You were halfway through scribbling your tragic little freedom request when—
A shadow loomed.
Perfume wafted.
And the temperature dropped ten degrees.
You didn’t even have time to look up before the form was snatched from your hands with all the grace of a man committing a stylish crime.
“Up. Now.”
Vil’s voice was frost and fury and every hair on your body stood up like soldiers called to war.
You stumbled after him, too stunned to protest, as he marched you through the hallways with terrifying grace. You passed several people who were clearly wondering if they were witnessing a kidnapping, but no one dared interfere.
His office door slammed shut behind you, and he turned on you like a beautifully irate weather phenomenon.
Then—rip.
Your transfer form disintegrated in his hands.
“OUT,” he snapped, voice tight, angry. “If you’re going to be a complete and utter fool, then get out of my sight.”
You blinked. “What—why are you mad? I’m doing you a favor!”
“A favor?” he repeated, like you’d just spat in a glass of Château Margaux.
You held your ground, though you were 97% sure he could kill you with a single sigh. “You didn’t want to guide me in the first place! I’m—look, I’m making it easier for both of us. No more clingy potato energy. No more… emotional spirals. You can guide someone who isn’t a complete mess.”
He stared at you, eyes narrowed, jaw tense, and then he—kissed you.
No warning. No build-up. Just lips crashing against yours like your poor little romantic delusions had summoned it from the abyss. His hands cupped your face, tilting it just right, and you—froze.
You opened your mouth to say something.
He kissed you again.
This time, slower. Angrier. Like he was trying to shove every word you weren’t letting him say directly into your bloodstream.
“I love you,” he hissed when he finally pulled away, chest heaving. “You stupid, overthinking potato.”
You blinked. “I—wait, what?”
“Oh, now you’re speechless?” he snapped, pacing. “You think I guide you because it’s convenient? You think I chose to rip you away from that quivering ball of social anxiety just to be charitable? I don’t have to guide anyone. I chose you.”
You were still stuck on the part where he said “I love you” and hadn’t immediately revoked it.
He pointed at you. “Sit down.”
You sat. Immediately.
He sat next to you, crossed one leg over the other, and glared. “We’re going to talk about this. Then you’re going to delete the idea of transferring from your thick, tragically underutilized brain. Understood?”
“…Yes?”
“Good. And drink some water. You look like you’re about to combust.”
You obeyed. Because frankly? You were.
“You’re serious?” you asked, voice a little cracked around the edges, sitting on his plush office chair like you were squatting in a throne you had absolutely no right to. “You love me?”
Vil stared at you with the exhausted patience of a man who had been in love with a rock for three years. “Yes. I’ve loved you for a while, and you—” he poked you in the forehead again, harder this time, “—have been blissfully, astoundingly oblivious.”
“That’s not fair,” you said, already sweating. “You’re very hard to read!”
“I’m not,” he said flatly. “You’re just emotionally illiterate.”
“Give me one example.”
“Oh, one?” He tilted his head and actually laughed, as if he had been waiting for this moment. “Let’s start small, then. Remember the time I brought you a silk-lined weighted blanket because you said you liked ‘being squished by fabric’ and your apartment ‘felt like a haunted fridge?’”
You blinked. “I thought that was just you mocking me with luxury.”
“I custom-ordered it in your favorite color and personally dropped it off.”
“…Okay, that’s fair.”
“And what about the emergency juice box I carry around exclusively for you, because you tend to spiral into a puddle after difficult gates and refuse to ask for help?”
“…You said that was because I’m ‘emotionally six.’”
“That was a joke.” He ran a hand through his hair, then pointed at you again. “What about when I held your hand during guidance and you told me, ‘This is wildly intimate,’ and I said, ‘That’s the idea, darling,’ and you laughed and said, ‘Ha ha good one,’ and proceeded to talk about raccoons for twenty minutes?”
Your face was hot. Like boiling kettle hot. You were being roasted over the open flames of your own idiocy.
Vil, now fully in his villain origin arc, stood up, arms crossed. “Or the time I made you lunch because you skipped breakfast three days in a row and you cried a little, and I wiped your tears, and you said, ‘You’d make such a good husband, wow,’ and then called me bro.”
“I was tired that day,” you whispered.
He paced. “I took a personal day to guide you after that one breach because you refused post-gate care. I showed up at your house! You were curled up like a soggy blanket and told me you didn’t deserve comfort, and I guided you anyway! I even brought snacks!”
You were holding your head in your hands now, processing. “Oh my god. I’m the clown. I’m the whole circus.”
Vil sighed and came to kneel beside you again, gentler now. He pulled your hands from your face and took them in his, lacing your fingers together like it was second nature. “I assumed you didn't like me. But this?” He smiled a little. “This is honestly worse.”
“Okay. Ouch.”
“I love you,” he repeated, quieter now, thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I’ve loved you for a long time. And I don’t want you to change guides. I want you to stay.”
You looked down at your joined hands. Then up at his face, soft and real and so, so stupidly beautiful.
“...Can I kiss you again?” you asked.
He rolled his eyes. “Finally.”
And he did. And this time, when he kissed you, you didn’t freeze or black out or say anything about raccoons. You just held him closer and kissed him back, trying very hard not to think about how many brain cells you’d wasted missing the obvious.
(But you did apologize to him later. After the third kiss. And after asking if he’d consider writing a “Vil Schoenheit’s Guide to Realizing Your Guide is Flirting” manual for future dumbasses like yourself.)
The first time Vil met you was… unfortunate.
You'd collapsed on him like a sandbag flung from the heavens by a god with no taste.
He'd been called in to assist after a gate breach—nothing unusual, really, just a high-stress emergency with far too many untrained espers and not enough functioning brain cells among them. His job was to stabilize, guide, and keep anyone from combusting mentally or emotionally, preferably both. It was clinical, routine, and efficient.
Until you.
You stumbled out of the smoke and screaming with wild eyes and your uniform half-burnt, looking like you’d just gone twelve rounds with the concept of mortality. You locked eyes with him—briefly, like a bird recognizing glass mid-flight—and then passed out straight into his arms.
Correction: onto him.
He wasn’t sure how you managed to fall with such inconvenient geometry, but one moment he was standing, perfectly composed, and the next he had an unconscious stranger face-planting onto him, limbs sprawled like a freshly felled tree.
His first thought was: Excuse you?
His second: Do they not know who I am?
Honestly, the offense was justified. People didn’t usually touch Vil without permission, let alone treat him like a fainting couch. And yet when the medics arrived to assist, he waved them off with a sigh, brushing soot out of your hair and stabilizing your exhausted psyche with the practiced ease of someone too annoyed to be fazed. You were just another Esper, he told himself. Another mess to be cleaned up.
Then you woke up.
You blinked at him. Groggy. Confused. Soft in the eyes in a way that caught him off guard. “Oh,” you mumbled, voice hoarse. “Sorry. My bad.”
No recognition. No fawning. No demands for priority guidance.
Just that—thanks—like he was your local neighborhood guide and not one of the most in-demand SSS-ranks in the country.
And that was when it happened: the first crack.
A hairline fracture in his perfectly sculpted composure. Something warm and startlingly gentle wedged itself in his chest. The faint, whispering thought: They’re not like the others.
He'd left soon after and that should've been the end of it.
But the next day, you came to his office. Not to request a partnership. Not to ask for more guidance sessions. Not even to praise his skill, as most did when they finally found out who he was.
No.
You walked in with a slightly bent energy drink and said, “Hi. Just wanted to thank you again. For yesterday. And, like, if you want anything—coffee, or uh, a meal, or maybe a really good nap on my couch—I can return the favor.”
He blinked. “You're offering me compensation?”
“Yeah,” you said, like it was obvious. “I didn’t mean to fall on you. Also, you helped me not die. That deserves at least a smoothie.”
He stared at you. You stared back, unbothered and vaguely hopeful, like someone trying to barter with a raccoon they’d wronged in a past life.
And that’s when the thought struck him:
I wish more Espers were like this.
Earnest. Direct. Not wrapped in ego or desperation. You treated him like a person and not a tool or a celebrity. Like someone who deserved appreciation, not worship.
He didn’t say yes to your offer.
And later that evening, sipping the mango smoothie you left on his desk with a sticky note that said “Thanks again, Your Highness,” Vil caught himself smiling.
Disaster or not, you had… made an impression.
And for better or worse, that impression was starting to stick.
Soon, he found himself buying your favorite juice on the way to work.
He told himself it was to bribe you into being less reckless. That he just “happened” to know your favorite. That it was a coincidence.
He also started carrying headache meds. And bandaids. And snacks. And spare gloves because you kept losing yours and pretending you didn’t need them.

A week later, he spotted you in the hallway again. You were coming out of a gate looking like you’d been mugged by gravity and a brick. But what truly horrified Vil was not your appearance (which was a hate crime against fashion), but the fact that you were about to be guided by someone else.
Some junior Guide with too much gel in his hair and the audacity to step away from you.
Vil's soul left his body.
He didn’t even think. He stomped across the hallway, yanked you away like a cat stealing laundry, and declared, “Absolutely not.”
You blinked. “What?”
“Guiding you. Sit down. Shut up.”
“...Okay?”
He’d never been so professionally compromised. He gave you the most aggressive, possessive, emotionally repressed guiding session in history. It was like channeling affection through gritted teeth.
He was doomed.
Vil Schoenheit was a man of control. Precision. Elegance. He kept his calendar color-coded, his wardrobe steamed, and his guiding sessions timed to the minute.
So when he heard through the grapevine that you were about to be reassigned to another Guide—because of some nonsense about “compatibility tests” and “emotional interference” (rude)—he did not react well.
No, he did not pout.
He did not sulk.
He marched directly to the Guidance Office, pulled rank in that way that only Vil could—part charm, part cold-blooded menace—and made it very clear that you were off the market.
“This Esper is mine,” he said, crisp and cool like a glacier in a fur coat. “Officially. Put it in writing.”
The poor intern at the desk blinked up at him, then at the screen.
“Um… you mean, you want to—?”
“Yes. I want to take full responsibility for their guiding.”
“Sir, do you mean romantically—?”
“Professionally.” A beat. “For now.”

Vil was shopping for seasonal essentials, which of course required strategic planning, multiple fitting rooms, and approximately seventeen judgmental head tilts. He saw you wandering out of a soft-clothes store with a hoodie that looked like a blanket and a dream.
You saw him.
You tried to leave.
He grabbed your wrist.
“I need hands,” he said.
“For what?”
“Everything.”
And then he handed you a bag and moved on like a model on a mission.
You carried his bags for hours. You offered no complaints, just commentary like, “That color makes your cheekbones illegal,” and “If I try that on I’ll look like a deflated beanbag.” You actually enjoyed yourself.
And then—then—when you ended up in a café and he reluctantly allowed you to buy his coffee, you sat there, sipping from your little cup, and made some stupid joke about luxury couture and cheese graters.
He laughed.
He laughed.
And it wasn’t polite or dismissive. It was the kind of laugh that knocked loose something in his ribcage. The kind that made him stare at you over the rim of his drink and realize, with full-body horror:
I’m doomed.
Because he liked you.
He really, really liked you.
Not in the “you’re tolerable and I guess I won’t smite you�� way. In the “I want to wring your neck for not wearing gloves but also maybe hold your hand” way. The “I will destroy that junior Guide if he even looks at you again” way. The “please stop getting injured or I will cry and then deny it until the sun explodes” way.
And you had no idea.
You were still out here calling yourself “emotionally bulletproof” and stealing his granola bars like it was normal. Still calling him “Vilbo Baggins” and poking his forehead like you weren’t holding the shreds of his dignity in your little chaos-stained hands.
So yes. Vil was doomed.
And he couldn’t even blame you.
Because of all the Espers in the world, it had to be you—you with your messy hair and shiny eyes and stupid brave heart.

Fast-forward to a Tuesday. Or maybe Thursday. Vil had lost track. It had been a day full of Espers with no manners, no boundaries, and one who tried to touch his hair mid-guiding.
By the time you wandered into his office, he was one broken string away from full violin villainy.
And for once, you didn’t joke.
No "What’s up, Guidezilla?"
No "Did your skincare try to abandon you too?"
You just took one look at him, walked over, and—gently—placed your hands on his shoulders.
Vil froze.
You kneaded the tight muscles there with surprising skill. Still no words. Just the quiet press of your thumbs, the steady warmth of your touch. And when he exhaled—shaky, involuntary—you didn’t tease him for it.
You just said, softly, “You don’t always have to do everything alone, you know.”
And that was when he broke a little.
Not obviously. But his posture slumped just slightly. His head tilted just enough to rest against your shoulder. Not even for a minute—maybe twenty seconds.
But it was enough.
Enough to make him realize: This is the safest I’ve felt all day.
And the fact that it was you—you, with your chaos and your grin and your glitter stickers stuck to your ID badge—that was terrifying. And comforting. And utterly, stupidly addicting.
He didn’t say thank you. Not out loud.
But later, when you weren’t looking, he moved your next few guiding sessions to the prime slot on his calendar. The one reserved for important things.
And in his fridge?
There was already more of your favorite juice.
He told himself it was just being thorough.
He was a liar.

It had started like any other deployment day. You and he had both been assigned to different gates, which wasn’t uncommon anymore. It was annoying—yes, he preferred to keep you in arm’s reach like a chaotic, overly affectionate pet raccoon—but manageable. You hadn’t called, hadn’t messaged, so he assumed it was fine. Maybe you were too tired. Maybe you’d just fallen asleep.
But then he heard the reports.
Talk around the guidance center was that your gate had gone bad. A breach. Casualties. They'd barely managed to contain it. The kind of mission that rattled even the seasoned Espers.
Vil had frozen mid-conversation, a pen slipping from his hand and clattering onto his desk.
“Did they get guided after?” he asked, voice sharp.
The other Guide had shrugged. “Apparently not. Took off the moment debrief ended.”
And that was when the spiral started.
He called you. Once. Twice. Ten times. Fifty. A hundred.
Pacing his office like a man possessed, he left increasingly deranged voicemails.
—"Pick up your phone, I swear to the God, if you are ghosting me because you’re feeling ‘emotionally crunchy’ again—"
—“If you're hurt, I need to know. If you're not hurt, I'm going to kill you myself.”
—“Potato, I’m serious. Answer the phone.”
When you finally picked up, sounding groggy and like someone had drop-kicked your soul, all you said was:
“…Vil?”
And that was enough.
“Address. Now.”
You sent him a dropped pin and then promptly passed out again.
He’d never gotten to your place so fast in his life. Nearly crashed into two pedestrians, scared a delivery driver into a full existential crisis, and parked in a tow zone without blinking.
The front door was unlocked.
He burst in like divine judgment, only to find you curled up on your couch like a sad, emotionally fried ferret.
“You left the door open. What if someone had—?! You didn’t even—! I called you a hundred times! Why didn’t you—!?”
You blinked up at him, slow and a little disoriented. “Vil?”
He was kneeling next to the couch before he realized it, shaking you like an overcaffeinated nurse trying to keep a patient conscious. “Why didn’t you call me?!”
Your voice was small. “Didn’t think I deserved to.”
Something in Vil's chest cracked with a soundless, incandescent rage. Not at you. Never at you.
At the situation. At himself. At the idiocy of a world where someone like you—who put yourself on the line for people who didn’t know your name—could think for one second you didn’t deserve comfort.
You sat up and hugged him before he could speak. And Vil, for all his pride and poise, let you.
He guided you right there on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around you like he could anchor all your scattered pieces back into place with sheer force of will. His fingers were steady against your temple, his voice low and soothing.
You didn't fight it this time. Not really. You were too tired. Too raw.
But later, when you were dozing against him and he felt the weight of your breathing even out, he looked at you and thought:
If I ever lose them, I don’t know if I’ll survive it.
And he realized, with an unflinching kind of horror, that this wasn’t just fondness anymore.
This was love. Stupid, all-consuming, feral love.

Oh, when Vil saw the transfer form in your hands—his potato, his utterly chaotic, absurdly self-sacrificing, emotionally constipated Esper—filling out a request to switch Guides?
He saw red. No, scratch that. He saw every shade of fury on the spectrum. He didn’t even remember walking; one moment he was across the hallway, the next he had the form in his fist and you in his office, the door slammed shut behind you with enough force to rattle the entire floor.
“What. Is. This.”
You blinked at him like a cat caught stealing food, caught between guilt and indifference. “A transfer form? I—uh. It’s not a big deal—”
“Not a—” Vil looked genuinely scandalized. If he wore pearls, he would’ve clutched them. “Do you think I’m running a halfway house for wayward Espers?! I have been guiding you, carrying juice boxes for you, putting up with your ridiculous snacks, and you think this isn’t a big deal?!”
You stared at him, flustered and slightly confused. “I—I just thought maybe it’d be easier for both of us if I wasn’t—like—around all the time, you know? I’m not exactly low maintenance—”
Vil’s brain short-circuited.
He kissed you.
No thought. Just lips. Panic. Longing. Rage. Chapstick.
Your sentence died like a bug on a windshield.
Vil pulled back just long enough to snarl, “I love you, you stupid overthinking potato.”
You blinked.
“I—what—”
He kissed you again. You weren’t going to ruin this with words. Not today.
When he finally let you breathe, you looked dizzy. In love. Slightly offended. Vil understood.
“You’ve been in love with me?” you asked, voice very much in the ‘I missed every single sign like a blind NPC in a dating sim’ zone.
“Oh finally,” Vil groaned. “Yes. For ages. Do you think I just carry juice boxes for anyone? I had to go to a wholesaler to find your weird imported apple-lychee thing. I do not do that for strangers.”
You looked like the Earth had tilted sideways. “Oh my god. I thought you were just—like that.”
“‘Like that?!’” he cried. “I forced you to carry my shopping bags through an entire mall and called it a bonding experience! I let you pay for my coffee! I let you touch me when I was emotionally unbalanced! Me!”
“Oh my god,” you said again, very softly. “I am Stupid.”
Vil sighed like he was asking the universe for strength. “Yes. But you’re mine now. So unless you want to see what a real tantrum looks like, stop trying to fill out transfer forms like we’re in some tragic rom-com and just stay.”
You looked at him for a moment, soft and stunned and still processing the part where he said “I love you” more than once.
Then you reached for him, and he let you pull him into a hug, and despite everything—despite the rage, the confusion, the two destroyed pens on his desk and the emotional whiplash—you smiled into his shoulder like you couldn’t quite believe your luck.
Vil closed his eyes.
And all he could think was:
If I have to live in this ridiculous, broken world... let it be with you.

You didn’t expect it to come up like this.
You were lying on Vil’s fancy designer couch, head on his lap, while he scrolled through his tablet like he wasn’t also playing with your hair and ruining your heart. It was a quiet kind of peace, the kind you didn’t get often, the kind you didn’t want to jinx.
Which is exactly why he jinxed it.
“I want to permanently bond,” he said, tone casual in the way a gun cocking across the room is casual.
You blinked. “What?”
He looked down at you like you were the idiot for not reading his mind faster.
“I don’t want to guide anyone else,” he said. “You’re mine.”
Your heart made a sound like a microwave short-circuiting.
“You’re sure?” you asked, because you had to—because you needed him to say it again, to look you in the eye and confirm this wasn’t just heat-of-the-moment emotion, or drama, or guilt, or—
Vil gave you a glare so sharp it could slice through reinforced glass. You didn’t even need to hear him speak. The look alone said: If you ask that again I will end you and then raise you from the ashes just to scold you properly.
So naturally, you pulled him closer.
He kissed you like you’d insulted him and he was trying to forgive you with his entire mouth. And then he pushed you down onto the couch with all the grace and pent-up need of someone who’d waited far too long to do this.
There was nothing dramatic about the bond itself—it was warmth, deep and golden, spreading between your minds like a whispered promise. Familiar, grounding, and so right it made you dizzy. You felt him in a way that no one else could ever match—his feelings humming beneath your skin, threaded through your heartbeat, echoing in your thoughts.
It felt like falling and landing and being caught all at once.
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. Just pressed his forehead against yours and held you close, letting the bond settle between your chests like a vow.
Then, quietly:
“Finally.”
You laughed, breathless. “Yeah,” you said, hugging him tighter. “Finally.”

Life was still mildly cursed. You weren’t about to tempt fate by saying otherwise. The gates still opened at the worst times, your body still ached in places that didn’t make sense, and someone still managed to microwave metal in the guidance office kitchen every single week.
But—
You had Vil. And that made it survivable.
He had finally, finally reprogrammed you out of your self-destructive nonsense, though it had been a war. You were talking metaphorical trench warfare. It took a thousand forehead flicks, an aggressively color-coded sleep schedule, and a terrifying PowerPoint presentation titled “If You Die, I Will Be Very Upset (And Also Kill You) – A Visual Threat.”
And in return, you had managed to make Vil Schoenheit loosen up. The man who once flinched at the idea of touching door handles with his bare hands now shared hoodies with you and let you kiss him with gate-dust still in your hair.
It was progress.
So when the door to your shared home clicked shut behind you both after another long day, you let out a sigh and slumped like a corpse released from its mortal coil. Vil caught you by the collar before you hit the floor like “absolutely not, we are not breaking furniture today.”
You peeled off your jacket, dropped your bag, and turned to him, still stuck in your boots. “Is it bad I want to sleep on the floor?”
“Yes,” he replied instantly. “Go shower, you reeking gremlin. I’ll order dinner.”
You blinked. “Will it be salad?”
“No. I’m ordering dumplings.”
You stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “Who are you and what have you done with my overachieving nutrient-balanced microgreens–”
Vil shoved you gently toward the bathroom. “Shoo. I’ll be waiting here with your emotional support carbs when you’re done.”
And that was it.
You went to shower, and he ordered dinner. And maybe life was cursed and weird and exhausting—but it had given you Vil. And now, the worst thing he threatened you with was hydration reminders and forehead kisses.
Honestly?
You wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Series Masterlist ; All Masterlists
#twst#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#twisted wonderland#vil schoenheit#vil x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#vil schoenheit x you#vil#twst vil x reader#twst vil#guideverse x reader#guideverse
1K notes
·
View notes