#continuity is still a little messy but at least it... exists. and there's a canon to draw from instead of just 'everything is canon!'

[michaeljoncarter]

it really is starting to feel like every single person at dc has somehow just completely forgotten how storytelling works on a fundamental level. like i genuinely believe 99% of the problems they’re having could be solved if all the writers and the entire editorial staff was forced to take a middle school reading class

[tragedytells-tales]

Artificial Avatar | The More, The

Miserable

Notes - OC oriented, Comedy with a hint of angst, Obey Me AU, the pacing on this one is rancid, Canon divergent, Dialuci

Characters - Feat. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Grim, Ryo, Candy, Gidorah, Luka, Himiko ( Himiko and Ryo belong to @/absolutepokemontrash )

Summary - Ajay goes to RAD for the first time, finally meeting several new Avatars of sin.

TW - None

Warnings - Not proof read

[ Prolouge ] - [ PT. 1 ] - [ PT. 2 ] - [ PT. 2.5 ] - [ PT. 3 ]

The crunch of the toast and the sweet taste of strawberry, or what Mammon called bloodberry, jam was decidedly Ajays favorite way to start their day. They let out a pleasant little hum as they quietly watched Himiko finish cooking breakfast for Ryo, Grim, and Mammon who got up just slightly later than the messy haired teen.

"It's probably because her spring break just started," Himiko had explained. The hushed clanging of pots and pans had only just started, but Himiko didn't seem as pleased as she did yesterday. "I hope she remembered to set her alarm for RAD today."

"What's a spring break?"

"It's a week where students take off from school for the beginning of spring, at least in the human realm. Since spring doesn't exist in RAD, they don't get that."

"What's a RAD?"

Himiko looked up from the slowly heating pan and turned to the teen who had just settled in a chair. For a moment she thought to question how they hadn't known what RAD was, but then again they also hadn't known what normal food was. So maybe it shouldn't really be a surprise.

The more she learned about the kid the more questions she had.

"RAD, or the Royal Academy or Diavolo, is a school that every demon attends starting from kindergarten to college." She explained as she tossed hashbrowns into the pan. "You will actually be going to RAD with Lucifer and Ryo today, but you'll be staying with Lucifer for the week so remember to bring your bag."

"Okay Lady Himiko."

The kitchen settled into silence after that either only the sound of shadow hog frying on a pan to occupy it.

For a moment Ajay could hear a whisper bloom from the shadows nearby.

"Is Lady Himiko truly anything like what your guardians told you?"

And then another.

"This is temporary. Don't be naive."

Ajays eyes narrowed on their lap. They felt a small ball of something bitter swell and stir, as if something shoved it into their chest and the feeling got comfortable. Their gaze drifted back up to Himiko just as shots of green and black struck through their eye.

"Can I bring Mr. PanPan with me to RAD?" Ajay asked.

The voices retreated and Himiko glanced at Ajay out of the corner of her eye, a raised brow. For a moment she thought to question why the teen had asked that after around twenty minutes of silence, before shrugging and continuing.

"You can't bring stuffed animals into RAD, no." She hummed, setting a third plate next to two other larger ones. "But you can bring him with you to Lucifers."

"I can?"

"I'm sure he won't mind that much. He may be a grouch, but he's a reasonable one."

The sound of half asleep grumbles from the halls put a pause on the conversation as Ryo and Mammon made their way into the room. Grim had decided to ride Ryo like a chariot and sat atop her head, yawning widely before settling down in his own designated seat.

"Good Morning you two." Himiko chuckled.

All she got were affectionate grumbles in response, so she ruffled their bed heads in retaliation as she moved to her own seat.

Ajay took that as their cue to hop off of their seat and start on their way to gather Mr. PanPan to leave in the few minutes they still had at the Nanami-Morningstar household.

"You're not gonna finish your breakfast?" Ryo called through a mouth full of her own food. She gestured towards the still mostly full plate, also decidedly ignoring Himiko's small scolding, and turned to face Ajay.

The half demon only shrugged with a quiet "I'm full." Before they started down the hall.

Grim took his chance and scooped the rest of Ajays food onto his own plate with a wide grin, "more for me!"

The knock on the door came right on time, if not a few seconds early. Himiko was the one to answer, swinging the door open with a small greeting as Ryo nudged Ajay towards the man in the doorway.

Mammon looked over and scanned the fourteen year old a raised brow, mostly noting their lack of luggage aside from the stuffed panda that hung on their hip. His eyes drifted towards Ryo, then the area surrounding them, before pointing to the non existent bag on their shoulder.

"Is that all that you're bringing?" He asked.

The teen titled their head and blinked, "It's all that I have."

"Oh yeah, ya came from the dungeons."

The ravenett in the doorway smirked with a small rumbling chuckle as he turned to the demoness, "Surely you didn't already take them into your makeshift orphanage, Himiko."

Himiko, as eloquent as she was, decided to go for the straight forward response of, "Watch it, Lucy."

Ajay titled their head at the exchange and gave the group a cautious frown, looking between Himiko and Lucifer. Himiko turned to the teen a small smile, mostly in an attempt to counteract Lucifer's neutral glare.

"You already met him at the castle, but this is Lucifer Morningstar the Avatar of Pride." She introduced, vaguely gesturing in the demon direction.

"Or uncle Lucy." Ryo chimed.

Lucifer's expression shifted into a hard frown that he shot towards the half demon, "Do not call me that."

Mammon strode over his big brother with a roll of his eyes. He leaned most of his weight on him and lightly punched him in the shoulder as he dropped his voice to a whisper, "Quit your glowerin' big bro, you're gonna scare the kid..." he tried.

Lucifer glanced towards the teen and Mammon caught sight of the hesitant glances they kept throwing towards the Avatar of Pride.

"Nevermind you already did."

Lucifer simply shrugged in response and turned to Ajay and Ryo, "Anyway, let's go."

Both teens started toward the elevator, one skipping along while the other strode a few steps behind. Ryo had yet to convince them that this behavior in particular was weird, but the kid was a weird one overall.

Lucifer reached out to stop Ajay for a moment, "I'm going to drop you off at RAD and you will get settled into your room and the dorm after school."

The half demon nodded before darting off to stand by Ryos side, leaving the three adults alone in the living room when the elevator doors closed.

...

"You could've at least tried to be friendly." Himiko mumbled.

"I was."

"No you were not?"

The large castle-like structure of RAD slid into view quickly, its warm orange lights and many windows illuminating the inside to give Ajay a slight peek into the schedules of the bustling teachers and staff.

The entrance to RAD wasn't as grand as the castle, but still had a flair to it that matched its environment while still standing out as important. That was specifically noted by the large RAD symbol etched into the stone ground.

Students and staff alike chatted around the entrance, making it clear that school hadn't started yet.

The Avatar of Pride handed Ajay a backpack that the teen wasn't sure they'd seen him have before. It was basic in style but weighty.

"This is the only time we'll be driving to RAD." He explained, waiting for Ajay to adjust the bag before dropping it on their shoulder. "During your stay at the House of Lamination my brothers and I will be walking you to and from school."

"What about Ryo?" Ajay questioned. The princeling didn't look up from her phone.

"She also walks to and from school."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

Lucifer raised a brow at the teen, as if the question itself was ridiculous in thought. "She has a father and several of the strongest demons in hell to protect her. You have neither. Who do you think is in more danger?"

The teen, in response, simply blinked and tilted their head. "...Her?"

"Oh. You're dense." Lucifer spoke bluntly and swore he could feel the tell-tell signs of a migraine already starting up in his skull. Just how much trouble had Diavolo gotten him into this time?

"Anyways, Ryo will walk you to the high-school sector and drop you off at your first class. In your bag you'll find everything you need for your classes today, including a D.D.D to stay in touch with Ryo. Don't cause any trouble for me or king Diavolo. Understood?"

"Yes Lord Lucifer." Ajay nodded. They stood up slightly straighter, like a perfect little soldier if Lucifer had to describe it.

"Loosen up old man, how much trouble can this kid really cause?" Ryo rolled her eyes and grabbed Ajays arm with a light tug. She started for RADs entrance, dragging the teen at her side to keep up with her pace, "Let's go before we're late, not that I care but you probably would."

"Okay."

The doors to RAD swung open easily, mostly with either magic or Ryos strength, Ajay couldn't tell. But the second the two stepped into the school the hallway went completely, and awkwardly, silent.

The teen had only been taught so much about the royals, though most of it was word of mouth from two of their guardians about how horrible they are, one of them had taught them the history of how all nine Avatars came to be. But they mostly understood how well respected and renowned they are.

So when they walked into the halls of RAD, they expected the students to turn their full attention to the princette of the Devildom, maybe bow or at least greet her with praises or something. But instead, a harsh uncomfortable silence settled into the hallway as most of the students stilled, while others almost completely ignored her or ran away.

Ajay thought to question it for a moment, but Ryo didn't seem to be that surprised. If anything, the princette only looked slightly bothered but not annoyed.

"Why is everyone ignoring you?"

"Eh, let's just say I wasn't the best brat in my youthful years." Ryo grumbled, crossing her arms slightly tighter over her chest as her eyes flicked to the side. The few demons her age they landed on stiffened. One glared while the other tugged their friend's hand and scurried off somewhere.

If she didn't look annoyed before, then she did now.

"Aren't you sixteen?" Ajay spoke unfazed, looking from the demons back to Ryo with a neutral stare.

"It was so many moons ago."

"You just got back from whatever school it was two days ago."

"You really don't know how to have fun, do ya?" Ryo shot back. The half-demon didn't look the least bit affected by the sarcasm, instead they just looked more confused before shrugging it off as if suddenly deciding that they didn't care for an answer.

Before the silence around the two could be awkward, or Ryo could pick Ajays brain, the sound of rushing footsteps startled the Avatar of Misfortune to attention. A blast of pink hair blew past her and straight up to Ajay in a blur of gray and other colors.

"New kid, new kid!" The younger demon launched themself at Ajay faster than Ryo could blink. Right before they got slammed to the ground with lighting speed.

Ajay grabbed the demon's wrist with one hand and grabbed the front of their uniform with the other, less human, one. They hoisted the demon into the air with ease and body slammed them to the floor without hesitation.

Ryo laughed out loud, but the shrill ring of the bell rang louder.

"Ah shit- that's the bell for class." The princeling rushed and typed out something quick on her D.D.D. Ajay heard a small ding come from one of the pockets of their backpack before Ryo pocketed her phone.

"I sent you your schedule and the location of your first class, it should be pretty easy to find on your own. Ask the teachers for directions afterwards! See ya Ajay!"

The princeling turned on her heel and rushed down the hall towards where Ajay assumed the older teens attended. She was out of eye sight within a millisecond, leaving Ajay completely on their own.

Reaching into the pocket they assumed their D.D.D was held, they pulled it out with their robotic hand and stared for a moment.

...It was more lo-tech than they were expecting. It didn't look like anything close to the technology they were used to in the lab. They almost debated simply downloading the data into their arm after-school, but decided against it.

They found the map for school easy enough, and found their class surprisingly quicker. Not without bumping into a few students and getting growled at by a few others when their solid metal arm jammed into their backs.

The school day flew by quicker than the half demon expected. But the thing that surprised them the most was the difference in lunch times. They didn't think they were going to sit with Ryo, far from it, but the demon texting them the menu an hour earlier had confused them more than the slang the other teens kept using throughout the day.

Just as Ajay was beginning to get used to the idea of eating lunch alone their attention was caught by speed walking footsteps. As they looked up, their vision was filled with a RAD student skirt, one that was dabbled with bright spray paint spots, a few stitches, and a jacket tied around it. The owner of both simply crossed her arms and let out a giddy hum.

"Sooo, you're new here huh? First day and you're already getting into fights, good job!" The voice said with a small giggle. "Really! I've never seen a move like that! Not even when the princeling went on a rampage a good year back!"

Ajay frowned and turned up to the voice to find a demon with large light purple eyes and pink-orange puffy hair that was pulled up into two buns. She was smiling wide down at them with shark-like teeth and crossed arms.

The girl held out a hand towards Ajay before taking it back when their confused frown only grew worse. She shrugged, unfazed or unbothered, and introduced herself.

"The name is Candy, current record holder for most detentions and the demon you bodyslammed earlier!"

"Oh."

A different voice spoke next, this one slightly deeper than Candys' and with a hint of an accent. "Which isn't something to be proud of, but she doesn't have much."

"That ugly rat is Luka." Candy huffed, pointing somewhere over her shoulder and right towards the demon with blue eyes, black side parted short hair, and a small playful smile. He stood slightly further back and gave Ajay a nod of acknowledgement before quickly looking away.

"Guys, don't scare the new kid." A third voice chuckled. This one was softer than Candys' and higher pitched than Lukas'.

Candy rolled her eyes and plopped herself next to Ajay. She nudged their arm and gestured over to the green eyed, black and green haired, golden freckled girl standing slightly closer to the two.

"That mom friend who needs therapy over there is Gidorah." Candy explained.

"Why are you sitting here?"

"Because we wanted to sit with you. New kid and all y'know."

"I do not know."

"Okay then! Anyway, what's your favorite color?"

"King Diavolo, I don't believe it's a good idea to let Ajax-"

"Ajay."

"Ajay join gym class, at least not without power inhibitors or something. Or maybe seeing a doctor because what they did in the first place wasn't normal, your highness."

Now, in Ajays defense, they didn't exactly mean to cause one of the gym walls to collapse or to cause a chunk of the concrete to crack. They were told to not hold back against the other team in dodgeball, even though they didn't know what the phrase "hold back" meant.

So here they stood in the student council room before several new, colorful haired, Avatars of sin that they only knew by name alone.

"I see..." The demon king let out a loud sigh and cast his hazel eyes over the teen, who looked nothing less than confused. "Yes, that is going to be a problem. We can't have the gym getting destroyed every other day."

"They collapsed an entire wall." The orange haired demon whispered, staring at Ajay with wide disbelieving eyes.

The pink-ish haired demon next to his side glanced at his brother with his head in his palm. "Why do you sound so surprised, you do that when someone eats your custard, Beel."

"But they're scrawny..."

"If the peanut gallery wouldn't mind keeping it down." Lucifer, who currently looked half ready to smack someone upside the head, interrupted.

The green eyed demon flicked through a few papers, which Ajay still found strange, before he looked up to address the room with a hand on his chin. "The damage the gym sustained will require a healthy chunk of this month's budget to go towards fixing it. We'd have to cut-"

Diavolo cut off the Avatar with a shake of his head. "No, that won't be required. I'll pay for the damages myself. After all this was my mistake." He hummed. The room went silent, but Diavolo simply turned to the gym teacher with an embarrassed smile, "I meant to give them inhibitors before they went to gym, but I got so caught up in work that I forgot."

"More like his date with Lucifer..." The purple haired demon mumbled with a small giggle. This earned him a glare from Lucifer, a few chuckles from the other demons at the table, and a tired strained smile from the teal haired demon who had barely spoken since the meeting started.

"Well then, I will have preparations for the repair of the gym begin tomorrow morning, my lord."

"Well that was resolved quickly. What about them?" The gym teacher jolted a thumb in the half demon's direction, finally catching their attention.

Diavolo narrowed his eyes on the teen for a moment, watching them stand as still as a statue. "They will be let off with a warning," he decided, "a formal apology letter to your teacher will be written by tomorrow. Understood Ajay?"

The teen turned their attention to the king with a small nod, "Yes your highness."

"Aww, they’re so polite!" The pink haired demon cooed.

"Do we all agree that this is a fair consequence?"

"Yes."

"Sure."

"I don't see why not."

"Mhm."

The gym teacher stared down the half demon for a moment before nodding with a shrug. As long as it wasn't coming out of his paycheck or the gym budget, he didn't care that much anyway.

The blue-ish haired demon looked less than pleased, even sinking back into his chair. "I can't believe I got called out of class for this. It's the only easy one that gives me time to catch on the earliest updates of my favorite webcomics."

Lucifer slowly turned to look past Mammon's seat and glared down at the purple haired demon with daggers in his eyes. The energy in the room shifted, and Ajay could've sworn that Lucifer was the Avatar of wrath himself.

"Are you complaining about attending your student council responsibilities? And what are you doing on your phone when you're supposed to be focused on class?"

"Oh no..."

"And with that, this student council meeting can end here." Diavolo rushed.

The gym teacher turned and stared at Ajay for a moment, a question at the edge of his lips. What he saw that child do was unlike anything he had seen before in all of his years alive. But before suspicions could settle in, a stern smile from Diavolo shot it down. The demon sighed and left the student council room with a sharp turn.

The Avatar of pride tore his attention away from the purple haired demon to give the teen a barely softer glare. "Remember when I told you this morning not to cause trouble for me or king Diavolo?" He asked. His voice dropping into a tone that Ajay couldn't exactly place.

They knew they were in trouble, but not the kind of trouble their guardians normally threatened, clearly.

"Yes?"

"And yet only one day here and you're already causing property damage to the school."

The purple and white haired demon lifted his head up for the first time in a while and glanced down at the teen with an amused hum, "Satan's record was actually a few hours short of yours."

"You guys keep a record?" The blonde demon questioned.

"We will discuss this further at the House of Lamination since it is the end of the day, grab your things and meet up at the entrance Ajay."

"Okay."

That bit of the conversation caught the attention of the several other demons around the room, all with a range of looks of shock to completely unbothered.

"Wait, hold up, hold up." Belphegor shot up and whipped his head around to face Lucifer, "They're coming to live with us?! Since when, and why weren't we told about this?!"

"You didn't tell your brothers?"

"I did. I texted them each individually. He has me blocked."

The walk to the House of Lamination felt like an eternity plus some to Ajay. Mostly because several of the brothers, Asmodeus, Satan, and Belphegor, wouldn't stop peppering them with a number of questions. A few of which they physically couldn't answer even if they wanted to.

More surprisingly was when every one of them walked into the house with Lucifer instead of eventually leaving to go off to their own homes like Ajay assumed.

That was, until the realization struck the half demon like lightning.

Ajays eyes widened ever so slightly, barely showing the actual shock behind them.

"All of you live together?"

Lucifer turned to them with a frown, yet again looking at them as if they just asked one of the stupider questions he's heard. "Yes. Me and my brothers, except for Mammon, live in this house."

The teen raised a robotic finger and counted, horror and disbelief slowly growing up until the number hit six. Six people in one house, counting themself made seven.

"...All of you? In one house?"

"Yes, child." Lucifer narrowed his eyes on the half-demon, waving away the giggles that poured from his brothers. If it weren't for the forewarning that Ajay was generally quiet, they would've been cackling. That he was sure of.

This was it, Ajay was sure that if their guardians didn't find and kill them, or they didn't die fighting the Avatars whenever that was supposed to happen, then this was it.

Living in a loud, chaotic house with six other people would do them in.

( Ryo-yo )

[ Ryo: lol goodluck kid! ] Read: 4:09

Taglist: @absolutepokemontrash

AN - Ajay suffers their worst fate ever. Being put through normal teenage things, accidentally breaking down walls, and living with more than three people who want to interact with them.

[deadendtracks]

I agree with @nightofking, the Tommy and Alfie scenes didn't really work for me in s6.

There were things I liked about them though: mostly that Alfie was a mess in the first scene for once, and Tommy being petty about it. Insisting on smoking as if it's a dare to Alfie to make him stop. Alfie tends to be interpreted/written in fandom as wise and always together and more self-aware than Tommy, which I think is not at all what we actually see in canon, even from the beginning, though this is definitely the facade Alfie cultivates. Alfie's full of bluster, you can't take his bluster to be the truth, and you can't take what he says about Tommy to Tommy to be unbiased truth either.

Which is why I liked the reversal of their dynamic in that first scene. The second scene you can read as Alfie re-establishing the dynamic he's more comfortable with. I like that aspect, and the bit where Alfie's like "take your messy feelings to someone else, mate" because one of the threads through the series is Alfie prodding Tommy about his messy feelings. But turns out when Tommy actually expresses even a tiny bit of those feelings to Alfie, Alfie's like "Whoa, not like that."

Anyway I find that hilarious.

I can't really decide what doesn't work for me about those scenes. It's possible at least half of it is just they're so horribly lit that they're annoying to watch. The first scene is better but that second scene is just atrociously dark. I think they also go on too long and are a little too self-indulgent towards Alfie as a character. You've always been able to tell Knight enjoys writing Alfie's ridiculous dialog and Hardy enjoys playing it, but it needed to be reigned in a bit maybe. For whatever reason their scene in s5 really works for me where these don't quite.

The existence of Alfie's wife is of course still really funny and I continue to be convinced he made her up to fuck with Tommy.

[gummywurme]

One Breath Away

Summary: You don’t have time to indulge in romantic affairs while being an avatar so you take it out in hookups instead. One night, Khonshu follows you against his better judgment and watches the show.

CW: NSFW, unprotected sex (p in v), exhibitionism, hookups, canon divergent

Rating: Mature, 18+ only 

Word Count: 1.3+k

Pairing: Khonshu/Reader, squint and there’s Steven Grant/Reader

A/N: An entry for the writing challenge by @beautifulbows924

Steven cameo in the 2nd smut scene but he’s unnamed for the sake of the story, turns out I like Khonshu in situations like this huh. Prompt: "did I say you could stop?"

Read it on AO3 | Masterlist

—

Being an avatar for Khonshu came with multiple unforeseen complications, it didn't come to a realization that it would come with a few sacrifices along the way.

This sacrifice was being able to connect to someone at an intimate level to form either a romantic or sexual relationship alongside.

It's too time-consuming. There isn't time to figure out common interests, go on continuous dates, find any little red flags if any would present themselves, and especially being there physically. Just thinking of any excuses as to why you're headed out in such godforsaken hours of the night from your hypothetical partner gives you a migraine.

Khonshu demands too much of you nowadays. His fist always aching for righteousness. 

So you swore off dating. For now, at least.  And you're pretty sure explaining to potential dates that you're devoting your life to an invisible deity that's been banished to walk among man due to his devotion for humanity and assigning a moral to carry out his wishes due to his steadfast belief in justice aren't exactly what anyone would believe on the first date. 

Better off alone than be some deranged lunatic in another's eye.

So, a compromise is made.

Quick, messy, forgettable hookups became the answer.

That's where you find yourself now. Apartment of some man you just met this morning at work from your part-time job as a waitress. He’s fairly older than you, his hands give away the sense of hard work and labor, strong and steady. His well-kept, groomed facial hair complements his features further, especially that smile he shoots you before asking when your shift would end earlier that day. 

Those very same hands are around your thighs right now as he keeps them apart, allowing him to thrust into your tight, wet, heat. His grunts and your melodic moans resonate in his bedroom, his scattered clothes and your work blouse litter the floor, and a dim warm glow cast by the lamp from his nightstand illuminates your bodies. You barely took the time to fully strip yourself in your uniform, so insistent on blowing off steam that isn’t a punch in someone’s gut for once. Gripping the sheets below, you chase that high, nearing your desperate release not caring if he’s close or not. Selfishness is your image tonight, you greedily eat up the burning touches of those hands of his, kneading your breasts, the sting from him tugging your sensitive nipples, and his mouth on your tender neck. That’s what sets you off, a scream ripping from your throat as pleasure washes over you that night.

—

Khonshu is no stranger to sex and the concept of intimacy, after all, being around for as long as time existed, he'd seen the rise and fall of human civilizations. Countless conflicts and wars, the indulgence of art and creativity, births of human ingenuity and invention, love and reproduction, life and death. Ebb and flow. 

What he didn’t expect to find himself was becoming a spectator to your little… show.

He’s no fool, he recalls your pose stiff, the grip on your weapon tight, movement rigid, still so tense after every fight he’d thrown you both in the name of justice. The combat merely lets out the frustration that has clearly taken a hold of you. Then you start making your way into other people’s homes other than the usual routine you and Khonshu would take back. 

He doesn’t mean to follow your trail tonight, but the past weeks have you running off somewhere in the night without a word to Khonshu, leaving him to wonder about your disappearance. He knows you’re capable, you’ve deemed it so. He wants to make sure you’re alive for his avatar duties is all, a pathetic call of an excuse, he acknowledges that. 

He finds himself on a rooftop just parallel to the building you’re currently in, just two floors below the rooftop of the condominium opposite the building where he stands, giving him a vantage point. 

There you stand, in front of another man, different this week, he muses himself. The man stands a head taller than you, with a lean build, but fatigue mars his face with deep, dark circles under his eyes, and his dark, unruly bedhead of curly hair frames his face.

Khonshu sees you put your hands over his to guide them over your chest, the man’s hands slightly quivering, quite inexperienced Khonshu thinks, and he follows along to your hand squeezing over his and Khonshu can see him swallow a shaky, deep breath at the softness presented to him. You push his hands away to start unbuttoning the blouse, then unzip your skirt, leaving you in your undergarments. The man’s eyes are blown wide, in awe of such a vision in front of him. He reaches out and feels your skin. A slow loving trail from your shoulders to your back as he shakily unclasps your bra, a giggle slips from you, Khonshu can tell by the slight bounce of your shoulders and the way you’d hide your lips behind your hand. He kneels down with his hands following suit, tracing the sides of your waist and down your hips as he pulls your panty down with grace. There you stand, in all your glory, quite fitting as the man in front of you stayed kneeling, the very image of a man worshipping his goddess.

You were magnificent, a special kind of beauty that you would hold near and dear to your heart, not because love has blinded it, but has enhanced it. Made it so special and unique that no other will ever catch his attention. Khonshu understands why there are countless statues devoted to the female body, it’s the kind of allurement you want to immortalize until the end of time. 

Distracted by the thought of you, Khonshu snaps back to the scene exhibited to him. Both of you are finally bare and on his bed, Khonshu sees you push the man down to his back for you to climb on his lap with the intention to ride him. Something sparks through Khonshu seeing your display of authority. He can see your mouth open out a moan as you let yourself down on the man’s hard cock. He sees you bounce over and over and it’s hypnotic to him. You’ve trapped Khonshu with a spell with the way your tits would bounce while riding someone’s dick. He tightens his grip on the staff, suddenly your eyes snap open and to his horror, he has let his presence known. What bond you two share.

The man you’re riding doesn’t notice your attention is somewhere else. His eyes are glued shut to the absolute pleasure your body is giving him. You slow down to a stop, looking for a silhouette of a certain moon deity making sure he doesn't watch your sinful act in front of him. Khonshu oversees a huge aspect of your life already, he doesn’t have to see this one. 

A whisper of wind brushes past your face.

Did I say you could stop? I want to see your body contort in pleasure. I want to hear the sweet melody of your voice in ecstasy. Show me the image of euphoria through you, my sweet little bird.

You clench at the sound of his voice, who are you to disobey the command of your god? You start the bucking of your hips with much more vigor than you carried. The man clearly didn’t expect you to ride him harder, making him anchor his hands on your hips with a grip so tight you’ll see bruises bloom the next day.

You touch yourself, groping your breast, a tug on either nipple, hands dragging over your own body knowing full well Khonshu wishes those were his hands.

Such a tease. He sounds so out of breath.

You reach down to your clit, tethering close to your climax, you make quick work out of it, hasty circles around your bud and you completely lose it. You arch your back and your voice drowns out every other sound, Khonshu burns this image of you. He remembers every night but this will stand out to him, cherished and kept close to his heart.

[kyberphilosopher]

Fensterln

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me.”

Warning(s): some allusions to sex, explicit-ish language, fluff, reader has a whole ‘Black Cat’ thing going on. Word Count: 3273

Notes: This is a requested work. This is a headcanoned canon version of Superboy, meaning he is no version in particular and simply the character I figure as a whole. Reader can be any gender.

“Fensterln is when you have to climb through someone’s window in order to have sex with them, without their parents knowing about it.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You know, most people think that climbing up the side of a building is easy. Like it’s nothing. They see it on TV, and in the movies, and in cartoons even, and they think, “That doesn’t look so bad!” because it doesn’t. Cartoons and actors don’t have to deal with the wind whipping their hair, constantly pushing their whole body all around, the butterflies of anxiousness making their heart thump, threatening the scenario of falling to their death. It’s terrifying. It takes a lot of skill, a lot of courage, and a lot of luck. 

“Shit.”

Your right hand releases from the glass, arm slowly swinging back until it’s at your side. The same sides foot follows this pattern of rotation, until only your left fingertips and toes are stuck to the wall of the building, suctioning you to life. Below you, hundreds and hundreds of feet, is an island of grass and sand, encompassed by a large body of water. Over the tidal waves chip chopping away, there’s a distance. And in that distance, is the city, just under the inky blackness of the midnight sky. 

Jump City, it’s called. You’re not too familiar with it. Most of your time is spent in Metropolis, or Gotham. Luckily, both of those cities have plenty of skyscrapers to practice scaling. One could say that you’d perfected the art of this sort of thing. The finger pads on your suit are sophisticatedly sticky, seamlessly letting you latch onto anything with grace. Your feet are the same. 

The wind hits your face like sharp needles, amplified by the cold air and the incline. Your hair whips around wildly, also different from how it flows, softly, in the movies. The harsh breeze roars in your ears, louder than the thousands of explosions you’ve heard in your lifetime. Although dangerous, nothing beats the view. Those thousands of lights in the distance, the cars, the buildings, this building that you’re on now. Titan’s Tower is far larger and closer and more important than anything else at the moment. 

“Okay then,” you mutter, twisting your body over to the right twice more, until finally both hands and feet are connecting against the glass in a stealthy, perfect crawling position. 

You work your way up, one foot and hand at the time. You resemble that of a spider, or perhaps a cat. One, two. One, two. 

His room is on one of the top floors, if not the top floor. From the two other times that you’ve done this, you remember the number of steps, the distance, the little cracks in the glass panes to look for so you know you’re close. Even from the outside, hundreds of feet up, hanging above death tantalizingly, you know exactly where you are and where you need to be. And you know, of course, that you are close. 

Your right hand leaves the wall once more and reaches down to the belt on your hips. “Coming, my love,” you mutter as you flip open a small pouch attached. From the inside you pull out a slim switchblade, made specifically to cut through glass walls like this- designed it yourself. 

The knife springs open. In a circle big enough to fit your entire body, you trace the blade in a wide arc from up to down, left to right. Then you flip the blade back inside, place the whole thing back into the pouch on the belt, and shove your left elbow against the middle of the glass in front of you. 

It pops free immediately. The circle of wall falls forward into the room, with you not far behind.

Landing like a gymnast on your toes with your arms overhead, you are immune to the sharp pain in your femurs that comes from a sudden pressure like this. The glass pane is still intact on the floor ahead of you, which is coated with a red carpet that you recognize so well. It’s much warmer inside than it was outside, although you can still feel the night wind from behind you.

“Silent,” a voice remarks from beside you. It’s not an amused tone, really. It’s genuine and full of awe, surrounded by something casual. 

You hum as you stand before throwing a look over your shoulder. Sure enough at your back, splayed casually on a bed against the wall you just broke through, is your favorite boy toy. Dark, curly hair framing his classically handsome face, nose scrunching slightly on instinct. He’s wearing the black and red super shirt he always does, coupled with the plaid pajama bottoms you’d gotten him as a gift in spring.

You want so badly to quip something back, but you both know you can’t right now. Not when you’re so close to the door. And yeah, that’s partially Conner’s fault, if not all. Too much noise would attract the attention of his team mates, the Titans, and then something probably not that great would happen. Maybe they’d throw you out. Maybe they’d fire him. Maybe things would just get weird. It’s not as if you and Connor are an official couple, even after all this time. You could stop sneaking around to see each other at any sense of danger.

You take a step towards the bed he lays on, noting the big, bright smile that lights up Superboy’s face at the motion. “Can you fix the hole?” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear.

Conner’s eyes go wide and the smile gets bigger.

“In the wall.”

The smile turns into an eye roll. “Yes,” he sighs, almost dramatically, pushing himself up. The boy crosses to the center of the room a few feet from you and begins picking up the perfect circle of cut window- wall while you look around the area.

You’ve snuck into Conner’s room before. Twice, in fact. It’s not clean, not horribly messy. His leather jacket is usually hanging off the dresser or door handle. Sweatshirts of different colors are littering the floor in a collective pile. It looks like a normal teenage boys room, really. It just feels very ‘Conner’.

First, he pushes the glass back into place in the wall, then he takes a few steps back. You throw him a smirk, nudging your head to encourage him to do the thing.

Conner’s eyes heat up. Little at first, as a soft yellow. Then into an all consuming scarlet that hisses out in two beams meeting in the middle between them. They move in a circle around the pane until you can’t even tell it was ever not there, and the wind you once heard no longer exists. The wall is perfectly in tact.

“Thank you, Superboy,” you tell him, tone laced overly sweet. Your hands, freezing from the cold even through the gloves of your costume, wrap around Conner’s upper arm.

“Yeah,” he tosses, back, voice low. His cheeks are turning pink.

You unhook your arms and saunter over to his mattress. As you throw yourself on and relax as you sink into the pillows, you let your eyes close. “You’re lucky I like you so much,” you tease. “Mm, do you know a lot of people who would climb up the Tower for you? I don’t.”

Upon hearing him take a single step forward, one eye pops open. “I know you missed me,” you continue.

Conner lays himself on the bed beside you, hands behind his bed with his arms bent. You turn to face him, propping your head up with your palm.

“You never answer my texts,” Conner says, Adam’s apple bobbing.

“You text me?” you smirk, watching Superboys eyes sink close as he releases a sigh of defeat.

Your left leg slips over Conner’s hips. Then you pull your whole body up and over into a straddle over him, looking down at him. He’s handsome in the way nobody can argue with, so perfect and soft and structured. When you squint, he looks like Superman. But Conner’s not Superman, he’s better. You can’t explain why, or how, but he just is.

You place your palms forward on his chest at first, then backwards, behind your back, on Conner’s thighs. Your chest puffs out at the slight change of position.

Below you, the boy bites his lower lip softly in thought for a second. “What if I got you a phone?” Conner asks you. His light eyes holding yours through thick, dark lashes. “Just so you can text me back sometimes?”

“Us?” you gasp with wide eyes. “Talking? During the daytime?”

Conner glances away. “Message received. Very funny. Forget it.”

“I’m messing with you,” you promise with a smile. “Loosen up Super-Annoy.”

“So you’ll let me get you one?” Conner pushes himself up with a snap, eyes wide with some kind of excitement.

Well… would you? You haven’t had a lot of long term partners, if any. Your time with Conner has been the longest with anyone, and he’s not even really your boyfriend. He’s just… you know… the guy you kissed on a rooftop one night. The guy who once surprised you with a cone of ice cream, again on a night time rooftop, whilst you were sitting on the side of the building to watch the city below. The guy who remembered your birthday, the guy who keeps sending you the many, many texts reminding you that you can watch your favorite show on the TV in the tower. The guy who once lied to get you to ice skate with him.

Something about Conner has been enough to keep you hooked for months and months, always coming back. Sneaking into the Tower, taking more and more trips to Jump City, keeping notes of events throughout your week to tell him about when you see him. 

How silly. Never giving the time of day to any other partner of yours, but for Conner? Conner has gotten at least eight months of it. 

“I’ll think about it,” you roll your eyes. 

“You promise?” Conner urges. 

“Yes. Jeez, I promise. I will think about letting you get me a phone that only you have the number to.”

“Please don’t laugh at me about this.”

“I’m not laughing at you.”

“It feels like it.”

“Connor,” you clasp a hand on his shoulder, pushing back laughter. “Have I ever laughed at you?”

“W- Is that- is that a serious question?” Conner’s eyebrows raise. 

“Get up,” you roll your neck. “I want to change positions.”

The boy below you shifts. For a quick moment, something pokes between your hips from underneath. Your pupils dilate in response, but by the time they finish, the movement has ceased. “Tell me about your day.”

“I want to lay down,” you say as you stretch. “I just scaled up the side of the skyscraper-”

“You love it.”

“-and it was oh, so cold. I’m tired.”

“That’s not your day.”

You just stare at him expectantly, not quite sure what it is you’re waiting for. 

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me,” Conner concedes. “You chose to be up there.”

“Prove it,” you challenge.

“Yeah, yeah,” the boy below you hisses as if annoyed. “I get it,” he says, but his arms are already snaking around your torso to pull you close and slowly pull you into a new position. 

You lay on your side, back against Conner’s broad chest. His arms stay wrapped around your middle as he curls up against you on instinct, legs quick to tangle with your own. You know he must really be interested in you if he’s not going to mention that your ‘work’ shoes are still on while in bed. 

“You’re an ass,” he mutters into your hair. 

“What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Ha,” you chuckle once. “Douche.”

“Please tell me about your day now?” you hear Conner almost plead. “Please?”

One of your hands, your right one, rests on top of Conner’s against your stomach. “Oh, you know. The usual. I helped out a small jewelry store today, snuck into a big building, currently hiding from Nightwing- you know how it is.”

“There wasn’t much crime today. I mostly just stayed in. You know that big building you snuck into?”

“Such a douche,” you breathe.

“Jealous much?” Superboy rumbles against your ear. 

“I’m gonna tell Dick,” you tell him. “I’ll send an anonymous tip that one of the Titan’s is a big poop face.”

Conner puts his whole face in your hair. “Shiver me timbers.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not fair you guys get a whole building to yourselves. What are you even using half these floors for? People in Gotham are struggling.” You frown. “Well, except for Wayne. But you know what? He’s a douche too. You’d get along.”

Conner squeezes you once. Then you feel him still from behind you, not even breathing. And then-

“Move in then.”

At once, your brows furrow. “What?”

Your companion squeezes you once more. “Move in. Move in with me. In the Tower.”

Your mouth opens and closes a couple times, eyes looking around. You can’t see Conner, but you can feel him out. His eyes are closed, still inhaling the scent of you shamelessly. It’s hard for people to catch you off guard, not just like this, but at all. You just have that sarcastic, witty, sultry reputation. And for him- Super-Annoy, of all people- to just throw you off so easily?

“I’m not a Titan,” you decide on explaining, almost asking. 

“Become one, then.”

“I don’t have the money to move in. The rent must be crazy.”

“I’ll pay for you.”

“Conner,” you swallow. “This isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.” His head pops up. When you turn yours a little, you can look up at him, and he can look down at you. “Move into the Tower.”

Now your eyes are wide, and his are relaxed. No, Conner’s are focused, drilling into your own. “I’m... hardly Titan’s material.”

This was true. You’ve been skirting the gray line far longer than you’ve known Superboy, and he’s been super since the beginning of his creation. The first time you’d met was about ten seconds before you’d robbed a bank and sent him a wink before disappearing. 

“You just told me, not five minutes ago, that you helped a small business. Helping people is what heroes are all about. You can do this, Y/N. You are Titan’s material.”

Shit. He’s right. 

“Why not?” Conner questions. 

“I... um...”

You’ve never lived with another person before. Your family, once upon a time, sure. Not friends. Not Dick Grayson, or Kori, or Rachel fucking Roth. And certainly not Superboy- Super-Annoy. Not someone you have a ‘thing’ with. What would that mean for the two of you? And when things go terribly, terribly wrong, what then?

Gotta’ think fast. 

Your face is wiped clean, replaced by your signature smirk. “Get me a phone first. Then I’ll consider it.”

Conner doesn’t budge though. You wonder if X-Ray vision can see through lies too. “I mean it,” the boy tells you. “I want you here.”

“I have to survive the night in the building with boy prodigy and star flame.”

“Starfire.”

“Whatever. I have to do that first. There’s a reason we sneak me in, you know.”

Your free hand reaches up and cups Conner’s cheek without you telling it to. You ask your brain why, but yet, your palm doesn’t move. It feels over Conner’s cheekbones, encouraging you to look deeper into his somehow soft eyes. Your fingertips can even feel his hair, which is in need of a wash, as they get comfortable. 

“For you,” you finish the sentiment, voice now genuine- also not predicted. “Sneaking in for you.”

“I don’t want you to feel like a secret,” the boy above you whispers, pouring his entire heart into it. 

You answer with a snort. 

If anything, Conner’s the secret. If he had his way, the two of you would probably be on your honeymoon at this moment. Hell, your whole relationship and subsequent marriage would be a honeymoon. You’re the one letting him follow you around. You’re the one never giving him just what he wants. 

But then again, you’re the one who keeps coming back. Conner’s the one that never left. 

“Trust me,” you nod with a humored grin. “I don’t.”

Conner sighs and falls back down to rest behind  you. “Good.”

Besides his breathing, then there is silence. 

Really? Telling you to move in? Of course it doesn’t seem like such a big deal to him. Of course he has the solution to all the reasons why not. Your fairly certain that Conner hasn’t thought about this until mentioning it, but even then, how did he have all the answers so fast? Where would you stay? With him? Sandwiched between Conner and Wally West playing video games for the rest of your life? Dying after Donna Troy catches you accidentally stealing her lunch?

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Conner begins, “but you should really stay the night.”

In response, you practically burst. “You hate being told what to do!” you say as you squirm in his arms. “Now you’re giving me suggestions?”

Conner sits up again so he can look down at you with a little frown. Luckily, it’s too nice of a view to be really scared of anything he could do. “Shh! You’re gonna get caught, Y/N.” Then Superboy’s eyes widen a little. “If you lived here, you wouldn’t have to be so quiet, either. You could just come through the front door.”

“Oh my God,” you squeeze your eyes closed. “Conner...”

One battle at a time. 

“Fine,” you begrudge. “I’ll stay the night.”

Conner tightens his grip around your form happily in response. “Will you need any help in the morning?”

“No. No, I got it.”

Silence. 

Say it. Say it. Say it. 

“Conner? I, uh...”

Say it. 

“I don’t have any sleeping clothes,” you lie. 

“Sleeping?” you hear the boy behind you whisper. “I didn’t think we were going to be sleeping.”

“Now who’s going to get us in trouble?” you smirk. “Seriously though. I’ve been wearing my suit all day.”

“I can get you out of it.”

“You can’t just see through it?” you question. “Don’t you have X-Ray vision?”

Conner groans. “You’re ruining it.”

You smile. Conner’s the only partner of yours you realize you’re actually happy to be around. “I think you just want us to get caught.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Yayyy. Request finished. Next I have a Reverse Flash request, and then I should be good with the DC requests for now. Other than that I have some Jason Todd things, something for Damian and 2 fics for a character I haven’t written for before but are looking pretty good. I hope this satisfied the prompt that I was given in the request. Let me know anything you want or whatever. 

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[rwprincess]

Midnight Sun'd Prologue (Brian Johnson x Fem!Reader)

Masterlist

Word Count: 10.5K (She like...20 pages long. Sorry).

Synopsis: My movie/Canon Prologue, but from Brian’s POV. That’s right, I’m Midnight Sun-ing this b*tch.

CW: Underage marijuana smoking, suicidal ideation, self-deprecating thoughts/self-doubt, low self-esteem, swearing, child abuse, parents being terrible, sexuality (since this is based on the movie, nothing is really outside the scope of the movie in terms of content).

Saturday, March 24th, 1984

Shermer High School, Shermer Illinois

Brian knew why he was here. In fact, he thanked his lucky stars that Saturday school, or detention, rather, had been his punishment. If this hadn’t been an extremely out-of-character first offense for him, he surely would have been suspended, or even expelled. His family had made their disappointment clear, especially when his mother told him to find a way to study and make amends today, even if he was asked to just sit in a room with strangers and reflect on what he did. When he arrived in the library, he was surprised to see Claire Standish already sitting there. She, of course, did not look up or make eye contact with him, but he chose to sit at the table behind her nonetheless. Before he could gather the courage to ask her what a popular, polished girl like herself could possibly be doing here, another two figures approached the doorway. Andrew Clark’s large, stocky frame loomed there for a moment before excitedly spying Claire. Again, no attempt was made to include Brian; he was practically invisible at this school, which was a big part of his underlying problems and self esteem here at Shermer High. It wasn’t so much that Brian wanted or needed popular people like Claire or Andrew to notice him. He didn’t really look up to them or desire their attention. It was just that, sometimes, it felt like everyone looked through him, as though he wasn’t even there. Adults acknowledged him, sure. He was polite and an overachiever, the perfect student. But his peers didn’t take much stock in him. He had a few loyal, true friends, but rarely did anyone outside of his particular interest groups reach out to him.

As Brian settled into a seat behind Claire, he took note of the second figure who had entered, the one who came in shortly after Andrew. It was her. Brian had to restrain himself from gawking when she entered the library, as she was one of the absolute last people he could ever picture earning a detention. Brian knew her from his English class last year; he had been stunned by her beauty the moment she entered the room that first day of high school and felt the same nervous, heart-pounding sensation he felt now, seeing her enter the library. He lamentably had zero classes with her this year, but he would see her in the hallways sometimes and that old familiar feeling would come rushing back to him, reminding him of the crush he had on her all last year. Back then, he had sat behind her, across the room and would catch himself staring at her or admiring her answers and volunteered opinions. His strong suit was in the more concrete subjects: science, math, that sort of thing. So the insightful analyses she would give always impressed him, and through them he got the sense that she was smart but also kind. This was precisely why he was shocked to see her here now, having earned the same consequence he had for bringing a weapon into school. But he couldn’t imagine her doing anything like that, anything to warrant this. He not-so-discreetly watched her as she hurried across the room and took a seat in the front row opposite to him. She, like Claire and Andrew, had not made eye contact or acknowledged him. Her seeing right through him hurt more, though.

Brian had sat down, but had not quite unpacked as he was still reeling from the revelation of Y/N being in the same detention as him, and that meant he would be in the same room as her for nine hours. He hadn’t even noticed John Bender stalk into the library, surveying the landscape that he was clearly king of. That is, until Bender stopped in front of him and snapped his fingers to get his attention and indicated for him to move out of his seat. Even if Brian weren’t the type to try to accommodate someone, a people pleaser, he would have followed John Bender’s instructions. Everyone in school knew of his reputation, and while some things were probably a lie (like throwing flaming toilet paper over Mrs. Applebaum’s house), some were definitely true, including his penchant for getting into fights. Brian had never had to fight someone before and he was pretty sure he lacked the capability to do so. Simply put: he would get his ass kicked. So he got up immediately and moved to the next seat over...right behind Y/N. He noticed that she stiffened, sat up straighter, as he slid into the seat behind her. So she had noticed his existence. But from her body language, he assumed that she didn’t particularly enjoy his presence. ‘Great. Perfect way to start this whole shitty day,’ he thought. At one point, Brian would have fancied himself an optimist, but lately that attitude was all but gone...not that his current situation helped much.

He also noticed the girl with black clothes, heavy makeup, and messy hair quickly walk along the outside of the tables and sit behind him, facing away from not only himself, but the entire group. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, ‘Should be an interesting time,’ he thought while taking stock of her, Bender, the populars, and...Y/N. It still puzzled him that she could be here. Bender made total sense. Everyone knew that he practically lived here in detention. Based on how she looked and seemed to make herself comfortable, Brian guessed that the girl behind him also was a regular here. While he didn’t exactly expect Claire or Andy to be here, he wasn’t hugely shocked by it. Claire probably skipped school or was rude to a teacher or something and Andrew was an asshole anyway. He fit into the jock stereotype pretty well, all brawn and no brains, picking on those that he saw as weaker than him. Maybe that’s why he was here.

Vice Principal Vernon walked haughtily in, looking down on each and every one of them; a lord surveying his fiefdom. Brian’s posture stiffened as he both tried to show respect and unconsciously showed his fear of the man. The last conversation with him had also involved his parents and that was abhorrent, a total disaster. The recollection of the event made him nauseous. Right after he spoke, Claire raised her hand, “Excuse me sir, I think there’s been a mistake. I know it’s detention, but, um...I don’t think I belong in here.” Internally, Brian rolled his eyes. He didn’t really know Claire (he suspected that no one really truly did), but he had always been under the impression that she was full of herself. All of the popular clique seemed to be that way, just full of arrogance. And here she was announcing how she was better than all of them in front of them. Vernon completely ignored her statement and told them it was 7:06, on the dot. Brian quickly looked down at his watch and aligned it to Vernon’s time. He was very particular about organization and precision.

As Vernon started his speech about rules, Brian tried to shift slightly over, get comfortable. But Vernon looked right into him and Brian could swear he saw into the depths of his soul as he said, “You will not move from these seats,” and pointed right at him. He froze like a deer in the headlights and quickly moved back. Brian had almost always blindly followed authority and now was definitely not the time to change that. Vernon continued and Brian only half-listened, looking around to gauge how the rest of the group was reacting, until he heard him say, “Good. So, maybe you’ll decide whether or not you care to return-” He saw this as the perfect time to redeem himself and started to stand up, raising his hand.

“Um, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. And that would be a no for me-”

“Sit down, Johnson.”

“Thank you, sir.” Brian sat back down, gulping. His embarrassment was only made worse noticing that Y/N had turned around to look at him when he started speaking. He wasn’t so invisible now, just his luck.

*~~~~*

There was little to no surprise that Bender antagonized the group. His main targets seemed to be Claire and Andrew, but he was making snide or crude remarks to everyone, and this made Brian very uneasy. He hated conflict and confrontation, which was probably why he had brought a flare gun to school rather than talk to his Shop teacher about replacing his failing grade or talk to his parents about how much he was truly struggling. He tried to take his mom’s advice about just doing work. He tried to convince the others to just write their assigned essays and not end up in a fight, but it didn’t work. He reasoned that he could at least do the right thing, but he couldn’t help but keep getting drawn into their conversations. It was almost like watching a trashy soap opera...or a staged wrestling match. “Go to hell!” Claire screamed at Bender, and Brian looked nervously to the door. Vernon surely heard that and would come storming back in, right?

But he didn’t, so Andy continued their conversation and got in a new dig at Bender, “You know, Bender, you don’t even count. If you disappeared forever it wouldn’t make any difference. You may as well not even exist anymore.” Brian gulped, thinking about his recent and frequent thoughts about how he himself ‘may as well not even exist anymore.’ He was doing...okay since the day he had had a semi-plan to take his own life, but the feelings didn’t just stop. He was still failing Shop, of all classes. He was still a disappointment and burden to his parents. He was still invisible at school, to Y/N. None of that went away when Mr. Ryan found the gun in his locker. Bender turned Andrew’s comment around and said he’d go out and join some clubs.

Now, Brian saw his opportunity to be less invisible, maybe. “I’m in a math club!” He blurted out. No dice. Bender and Claire just continued bickering, ignoring him completely. But he couldn’t help it when he stated “I’m in the Physics Club, too,” in their direction just hoping, praying that someone would acknowledge him. He hadn’t counted on that person being Y/N, though. She’d turned slightly towards him and his blue eyes flickered to hers and he froze. Having been lost in the argument between the others, he had almost forgotten that she was there. She gave him a gentle smile and a nod that made him gulp. He’d suddenly failed to remember how to breathe, how to function and his mind was only filled with a channel of ‘Oh shit. She’s looking at me.’

But then she added, “I’m in the Drama Club.” Of course, he knew that, but it was still nice for her, of all people, to be making conversation with him. He was immediately forced to snap out of it, though, when Bender addressed him.

“Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?” While Brian hated the look John gave him (it was much too similar to his parents’ frustrated looks when he was clearly ‘bothering’ them with something), Brian felt compelled to answer. He had wanted to be noticed, to be involved in the conversation, right?

“Well, what I’d said was, I’m in the Math Club, the Latin Club, uh, and the Physics Clu-Physics Club,” he stumbled through his words nervously. He felt regret instantly as Bender turned it around as a slight on Claire, and also managed to insult him by calling him a dork in the process. Still, he yearned for his attention and approval, so he eagerly answered John’s follow up questions. He just wanted to get along with everyone and have them accept him, and even though John was just using his input as ammunition against Claire, he liked that he was at least being included.

*~~~~*

It was a long, dragging morning. It was only around 10AM and topics of conversation seemed to already run out. Everyone was now more or less keeping to themselves. At first, Brian thought about writing his essay, as he said he planned to, but why bother? There were still many hours to fill, and how was he possibly supposed to answer the prompt of Who Am I? He truly did not know. He’d actually been pondering that a lot lately. All of his life he was praised for his smarts, but the ‘real world’ was showing him that that didn’t mean jack shit. Sure, he could understand difficult concepts and dissect complex equations, but that meant nothing if he couldn’t apply it. He thought he was taking the easy way out with Shop. It was meant to be a class he didn’t have to worry about; a stress-free A to keep his GPA up while juggling various clubs and volunteer opportunities to put on his college applications next year. But it ended up being a total nightmare. He was absolutely terrible at it, and he had never failed at anything before. Now the burn-outs and underachievers had the upper hand and were able to make their projects work and look good and he had...nothing. He failed so miserably that it tanked his self-esteem and now he was stuck in an identity crisis. It was much too early on a Saturday to confront those demons, so instead he chose to sit and daydream. And subconsciously, as with many teenage boys, his attention fell to girls. As much as he thought Claire was self-centered and spoiled, he had to admit that she was attractive. She carefully curated herself to be so. She had perfect, beautiful red hair that was never out of place, flawless makeup, perfectly fitting chic clothes...and she was staring into space licking and biting her lip, which had him completely flustered. Y/N only added to it by adjusting and stretching in her seat. Her beauty was more effortless than Claire’s, or at least seemed less...intentional. She did not have the designer clothes and her hair was more natural than trendy but alluring in her own right, and the way she was pushing her chest out was not helping. He could feel the shift and tightness in his khakis and tried to nonchalantly clear his throat, but now Y/N was turned three-quarters around and could clearly see him, so he tried to sneak his hat into his lap and acted like nothing was going on by setting his head on the desk. ‘Oh shit. Oh fuck.’ were the chorus of his thoughts as he could see her quickly turn back around and face forward. ‘I’m sure she thinks I’m a creep now. Great going, Johnson,’ he chastised himself.

Vernon was almost a welcome sight when he strode into the library at 10:20 to allow them to use the “lavatory.” Brian almost let out a sigh of relief. Almost. When they returned to the library and it was clear that Vernon wouldn’t return for a while, Bender started ripping up a book and when he threw it at Brian, the latter took that as his cue to walk away. He spotted Y/N looking through the catalogue of books and approached her. “Hey.” He nodded in her direction, trying to play it cool and seem neutral. ‘Smooth. Great opening,’ he thought. But to his surprise, she actually said ‘Hi’ back and smiled. He had no idea what to talk about and didn’t really think this through, but the black-clad girl let out a startling, “HA!” that made them both jump.

Brain looked back to the others and heard Andrew sarcastically say, “Oh, you’re breaking my heart,” to Claire.

“Sporto?” Bender asked, “Do you get along with your parents?” Brian started to look between the two of them nervously.

“Well, if I say yes I’m an idiot right?” Andrew responded. Bender leapt over the ramp’s banister and started at the other boy.

“You’re an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, then you’re a liar too.” Not only did Brian not like being involved in confrontation, he also hated being witness to it. As Andrew followed Bender, he felt compelled to go break it up, put a stop to this.

“You want me to turn it up?” Bender asked, flipping off Andrew as Brian stepped between them, placing a hand on one of each of their shoulders. They smacked his hands away, almost in sync and he withdrew, but he knew words could be just as powerful as actions.

“I, I don’t like my parents either. I don’t know. Their idea of parental compassion is just...whacko.” Brian confessed.

“Dork? You are a parent’s wet dream, okay?” Bender replied, clapping him on his shoulder. It was a friendly enough gesture, but it actually dealt a devastating blow. Brian knew he was a disappointment to his parents. He was being open and honest with the group and was shut down immediately anyway. “...face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie. What would you be out doing if you weren’t making yourself a better citizen?” Another hit. This one made Brian sink against one of the tables. He hung his head and didn’t even notice Y/N approach him until she softly placed her hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” She offered, gazing into his eyes. He was terrified that she would be able to read him and to see the truth, to see the sad and scared kid he truly was inside. Instead, he stiffened up and sat rigidly, clearing his throat of emotion.

“Yeah, thanks.” He also tried his best to ignore that she was touching him. If he weren’t in detention being told he was the epitome of geek by John Bender, he’d have sworn this were a dream. Bender now moved his disdain to Claire, asking if she were a virgin. Y/N shifted uncomfortably away from Brian and crossed her arms over her chest, but still stood next to him, watching the same drama unfold. Bender and Andrew soon stood in front of them, fully in a heated argument and Bender took a swing. Brian didn’t think twice and reflexively shot his arm up to shield Y/N. Sure, his crush on her might be stupid or silly, but he was not about to let her get caught in this crossfire and get hurt. He watched as Andrew wrestled Bender to the floor and Bender said, “I don’t want to get into this with you, man...cuz I’d kill you.” Andrew let him up and they seemed to separate and cool down, so Brian finally moved his arm back down, assuming the danger towards Y/N was gone but he was on-guard still, ready to move again if he needed to. “It’s real simple. I’d kill you and then your fucking parents would sue me and it would be a big mess, and I don’t care about you enough to bother.” For some reason, this hit Brian hard and he had to look away, look down to escape. But then he heard a click and his head shot up. Bender had pulled out a switchblade. His eyes went wide and he looked cautiously at Y/N who looked just as shocked. They all relaxed a little when he stabbed it into a chair instead of Andrew’s flesh, but immediately panicked again when the door audibly unlatched and opened. They scrambled to get to their seats, Bender quickly striding to the front and sitting far away from Andy so as not to implicate himself. But that meant that he had stolen Y/N’s seat. On her original route to it, she diverted and sat quickly and silently next to Brian. He swallowed hard in response.

Instead of Vernon, Carl the janitor walked in. They collectively sighed with relief and he addressed Brian. “Brian, how ya doin’?” Brian quickly averted his eyes, both embarrassed to be seen here by Carl (he stayed late in many clubs and had built up a good rapport with the man and didn’t need him thinking less of him for being in detention) and by being seen as associated with him by his peers. Carl was a great guy, really funny and nice; accommodated every need each one of his clubs had...but Brian was still a teenager and image was everything and being thought of as ‘dweeb who is friends with the janitor’ was not how he wanted to be seen.

“Your dad work here?” Bender inquired, smirking deviously. Brian just shook his head in response and didn’t answer Carl, either. “Carl, can I ask you a question? How does one become a janitor?” Bender continued.

“You want to become a janitor?” Carl asked, knowing that Bender didn’t really want to know.

“No, I just want to know how one becomes one. Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.” Bender glanced over at Andrew and smirked again, pleased with his implied put-down.

“Oh really? You guys think I’m some untouchable peasant, serf, peon? Maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last eight years, I’ve learned a couple of things.” Carl looked towards Brian and Y/N, “I look through your letters.” Brian thought he saw her stiffen and freeze, just a little bit, as if Carl were addressing her. She suddenly shifted away from Brian and he wasn’t sure what to make of that. “...I am the eyes and the ears of this institution, my friend.” Carl stopped and smiled, “By the way. That clock is twenty minutes fast.” Brian looked at it and then his watch, noting that he was right. He wasn’t sure if he should adjust his wrist piece or not; to go with the time on the wall or the time Vernon was keeping. But he couldn’t be bothered with the choice when Bender stood up and faced his table. He was afraid of what he might do or say to them, but he simply nodded towards Y/N’s seat, indicating that she could have it back.

“I’m good for now,” she said, surprising Brian. He assumed she would have moved back, a moment ago she moved away from him, but now she was looking at him out of the corner of her eye before glancing back up at John, who was raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Thanks for not dicking with my stuff though,” she said.

“Oh, shit.” Bender said “Do you think I should steal something or has the moment passed?” The tension seemed to drop and they all smiled as he went back to his seat, but he turned his attention back their way. “So, you’ve been pretty quiet, what’s your name?” Brian had a bad habit of blurting out. He liked answering questions as it was, showing his knowledge. A lot of the time, it didn’t matter if he was being asked or not. So, without thinking, he responded to Bender’s question and told him Y/N’s name. It was a reflex, but one he instantly regretted, feeling like he just shot himself in the foot. Bender gave him a look and he steeled himself for his worst, for the mockery sure to come, but instead he just looked at her and followed up with “Is that true? Is that your name?”

She didn’t acknowledge his weirdness either. She simply nodded and told John, “Yeah, (Y/N). Or, I guess you could call me (Y/N/N) if you want,” and Brian let out a quiet shaky exhale in relief. That could have been...disastrous. After a moment, while Bender was otherwise occupied, she turned to him and said, “Thank you, for earlier. I mean, blocking me when those two were getting into it.” He felt his heart race; he wasn’t sure she had even noticed that earlier, even though he wasn’t exactly subtle.

“N-no problem.” He responded, trying to restrain the smile creeping up onto his face. He wanted to play it cool, like it was no big deal, like that’s just what manly men such as himself do: put themselves in harm’s way for others.

Vernon came in to dismiss them for lunch much too early for his liking. He didn’t really have much of a chance to talk to Y/N while she was sitting next to him, and as soon as they were allowed to mill about like the caged animals they currently were, the remaining members of their detention gravitated towards Bender near the center of the library. Brian was slightly disappointed when she wandered off into the stacks as Bender looked through books and Claire continued her daydreaming. Not really sure what to do with himself, Brian folded his long legs over one of the ramp railings and sat atop it, hunched over. He looked up when Bender called out, “Hey, Peachy!” There were a few moments of silence before Y/N looked back over in their direction and Brian froze, immediately disliking Bender addressing her as such and worrying what uncouth thing he might say to her. But he just asked her what she could be in detention for, because she didn’t seem the type, which Brian wholeheartedly agreed with. He waited intently for the answer, as every interaction he had with her (or every observation, rather), she seemed so...sweet.

“Oh. Well, you know how in Biology they dissect like, frogs and shit every year?” She looked a little defeated and a blush crept up her cheeks as she continued, “I---sort of stole and freed the frogs.” Brian couldn’t help but laugh. That seemed like something you shouldn’t get detention for, anyway, but it was definitely on-par with the personality he knew her for. He felt relieved that the reason aligned with how he thought of her. She was in here for something nice, and debatably, the right thing. His heart melted a little when she told Bender that she had researched enough to let the frogs go responsibly; that she would have adopted them if they wouldn’t have made it on their own and he couldn’t help but smile in her direction. Bender, of course, moved on quickly, scanning one of the books in his stack to find new material to talk about, to bother the girls with, but Brian’s gaze was still fixated on Y/N. She was running her fingers along spines of books, seemingly in her own world. He felt like maybe it was fated that they were both here, like he was getting a second chance. He still hadn’t really conjured up the courage to talk to her yet, but they were only half-way through their day; there was still time.

“Claire? Y/N? You wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts?” Bender asked, “Pretty tasty. How do you think he rides a bike? Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy like this?”

“Wait,” Y/N’s eyes lit up and she looked their way again. “Elephantiasis? Like the movie The Elephant Man? Great movie! Really sad though.” Brian grinned at the way she scrunched her eyebrows together in remembering the emotion from the movie. He had seen it, too. It was really good...and touching. Maybe that could be his ice-breaker. Movies were normal things that normal teenagers talked about, right? He didn’t really notice that Bender and Claire were still conversing until it implicated him, though.

“Oh! Watch what you say. Brian here is a cherry.” Brian looked at him, startled.

“A cherry?” He asked, indignantly, cheeks flaring up with a red hue. “I am not a cherry.” He didn’t need Bender calling him out like this, embarrassing him. He didn’t need the obvious association that the nerd was a virgin. Especially in front of beautiful girls, particularly Y/N. She didn’t need to know that he was an inexperienced loser.

“When have you ever gotten laid?” Bender asked, doubtfully

“I’ve laid lots of times.”

“Name ONE.” Bender said, sarcastically, hoping to catch him in a trap.

“She lives in Canada. Met her at Niagara Falls; You wouldn’t know her.” Brian said, prepared with this answer from previous conversations about this topic. It wasn’t the first time he’d been involved in a conversation about virginity that he couldn’t be entirely honest about, nor was it the first time he had been mocked for being a virgin or doubted about the non-existent relations that he didn’t have. Even though part of his brain felt like it was glaringly obvious to the outside world and must have been stamped on his forehead that girls did not typically talk to him, nor had he even kissed a girl before, but he still lied about it anyway. He knew he didn’t precisely have an ‘image’ to protect, but he didn’t want to seem like a total lost cause or dweeby stereotype.

Bender, however, wasn’t having it. “You ever lay anyone around here?” He scoffed and Brian panicked. He had noticed that Y/N had turned back to the aisle of books and was praying she wasn’t listening, and Claire didn’t seem to be paying attention, so he tried to gesture to Bender to keep it down, to let him off the hook before either girl noticed him or this conversation. Bender immediately twisted it around and attacked him with it, though. Brian felt his heart being squeezed and felt overwhelmed, instantly, as Bender said, “Oh. You and Claire did it.”

“Oh, uh I-Let’s just drop it, okay? We’ll talk about it later,” Brian attempted to get out of it again, praying that John would have one ounce of mercy on him. However, Brian was never really very lucky.

“Well, Brian is trying to tell me that in addition to the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area, that presently you and he are riding the hobby horse.” Brian’s eyes slammed shut in embarrassment.

“You little pig,” Claire growled at him and his eyes shot back open wide. He scrambled to defend himself.

“No! I’m not! John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn’t. That’s it. That’s all I said.”

“Well then what were you motioning to Claire for?” Bender followed up, not giving Brian any wiggle room.

“You know, I don’t appreciate this very much, Brian.” Claire sounded more disappointed and hurt than anything, which made Brian feel like a slug, instantly. He didn’t mean to implicate her or to bring her down. He was just trying to hide his embarrassment from John and the girls.

“He is lying!” Brian tried one last attempt to deflect.

“Oh, you weren’t motioning to Claire?”

“You know he’s lying, right?”

“Were you, or were you not motioning to Claire?” Brian hated this. He’d been stuffed in lockers before and yearned for that over the torture Bender was inflicting now. He couldn’t save face; either he was a disgusting creep saying he had had sex with Claire when he didn’t, or he’d have to tell them the truth and feel humiliated at telling everyone he was a virgin. He grit his teeth and chose to go with the latter.

“Yeah, but it was only- it was only because I didn’t want her to know I was a virgin, okay?” They looked almost...shocked by his response, which he wasn’t expecting. He thought it would be a ‘Well, duh, you’re a virgin, Johnson! Who would want to touch you?’ But Claire and Y/N looked surprised. “Excuse me for being a virgin, I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you want me to know you were a virgin?” Claire asked honestly, like it was no big deal. If she only knew...

“Because it’s personal business. It’s my personal, private business.”

“Well, Brian, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing any business,” Bender snuck in another jab and Brian was brought down to what he knew all along, that they were just going to laugh at him.

“I think it’s okay for a guy to be a virgin.” Claire’s unexpected response gave him instant relief. She was taking his side and Bender had no more ammo. Brian perked up even more when Y/N agreed with her. It wasn’t an embarrassing secret for him now because they didn’t mind. They almost seemed to admire him for it. The thought caused his lips to twitch and he hid his smile by leaning his head against his knee.

*~~~~*

During lunch, Bender didn’t have any food, so his appetite turned to targeting the rest of the detainees again. He started in on Claire for a bit, but then came over to taunt Brian. It seemed like it could be friendly, at first, as John just examined his lunch. But as he drew out each item, his tone became more and more sarcastic. “Here’s my impression of life at Big Bri’s house.” Bender went on to mock him, painting his life like it was some episode of Leave It To Beaver where the family would all hug it out at the end. Brian’s throat became dry and he could feel eyes on both Bender and himself, trying to judge his reactions to John’s farce. He hated being such an easy target. He hadn’t done anything towards John personally, but he was still constantly in the hot seat because John could get away with it and the others would laugh and enjoy it. At least Andy fought back...even Claire did. And Bender didn’t even really bother to mess with Allison. She had an aura of ‘don’t fuck with me,’ and he didn’t even touch her as a subject, even though she was just as odd and out of place as Brian. Not to mention, he was wrong. It wasn’t all peachy-keen happy endings at Brian’s house. If it were, Brian wouldn’t be here today.

Still, it was hard not to be drawn in by John, and he watched his next dramatic retelling of his own home life in stunned horror. John’s dad called him terrible names in this act and hit him. “Is that for real?” Brian asked, brows furrowed. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe John, it was just that...well, the situation sucked and he needed to be told it wasn’t true. Like a kid hearing that a ghost story was made up and there was nothing to fear. But he knew by John’s pained expression that it was, even before he spoke.

“Wanna come over some time?” Bender asked him and he flinched away. Andrew didn’t believe him though, and questioned it so John revealed to them all his very real cigar burn scar on his arm, claiming he got it from spilling paint in the garage. The group collectively flinched and no one moved for a few moments while Bender said, “I don’t need to sit with you fuckin’ dildos anymore,” and raged through the library.

“You shouldn’t have said that,” Claire admonished Andrew.

“How would I know? I mean he lies about everything anyway.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Y/N snapped at him and looked back towards Bender as though she wanted to follow him. Brian tried to will her silently not to; he didn’t really trust that Bender would control his emotions and she might get hurt. He felt relieved when she turned around, but then his heart began pounding once more as she gathered her lunch into the sack and stood up. ‘No, don’t do it, Y/N.’ He stared at her, but she didn’t seem to notice as she cautiously walked past and crept up the library stairs to where Bender was and sat next to him. Brian felt a little calmed when Bender didn’t lash out; he just rolled his eyes but stayed rooted to the spot. Meanwhile, the rest of the group at their lunch in silence.

*~~~~*

Brian felt guilty for leaving Bender behind, for allowing him to sacrifice himself for the group. Hell, they all did. Especially when Vernon started shoving him around and saying he was going to be in jail. Brian couldn’t help but wonder if he could become like John. It’s not like he was born into that life. But he had it tough at home, struggled at school, and had problems with authority (particularly when they lied). Brian could see some parallels. He, too, was unhappy at home. While his parents didn’t beat him like John’s did him, or berate him to the same degree, he couldn’t help but feel like a disappointment. And he felt like he was just slipping. Now he had broken school rules, brought a gun to school, watched as others destroyed school property, and was gaining a healthy distrust of authority by seeing how Vernon acted today. He’d even corrected him once, when counting Bender’s detentions, not that the truth seemed to matter to Vernon anyway. What if he continued down this path? What if things just kept getting worse at home? Would it really be that bad to be like Bender? Despite being a total jerkwad, he had the charisma to draw people in. He’d even had Y/N eat lunch with him! It just didn’t seem like the deal was all bad when he looked at it that way. ‘What’s next? Are you going to take up smoking?’ His brain scolded him, even though he had completely forgotten that he had drugs stashed in his pants right now...until Bender fell through the ceiling and asked for them back. He dug them uncomfortably out of his underwear and handed the bag over. Bender took off to smoke in the library and Brian realized he had a choice to make. Boy, was he tempted. ‘What’s one more rule broken today?’ He felt more emboldened when Claire stood up and followed John. Andrew tried to talk him out of it, shaking his head. Brian drummed his hands on the desk. He wasn’t sure he’d have another opportunity. Most of his friends and acquaintances didn’t do drugs...to his knowledge, anyway. He thought momentarily about his cousin Kendall, and how he started smoking pot and didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. ‘You already don’t feel like you belong anywhere,’ His mind reminded him, and with that, the decision was made; what did he have to lose? So he slunk off to join Bender and Claire.

It was...definitely a different experience. Brian didn’t care for the way his thoughts seemed so disjointed, that he couldn’t keep one train of thought going. For someone who was known for his intelligence and felt like his brain was his one good quality, it was a little scary to have that slip away. But, there was a sort of numbness that came with the drug that made him worry less about that. He felt less worried and anxious in general, actually. His focus was being pulled in too many directions to wonder what his parents would think or if he was saying the right thing, or if this could even be a mistake. He felt relaxed and oddly open. He was even making Bender and Claire laugh, which he hadn’t expected. It was like there was a new persona underneath that was unlocked. He didn’t know what he was doing, but it wasn’t the worst thing ever. He was, however, surprised by how long the effects lasted. It was a little more than an hour later and the whole group was sitting in a circle (Y/N and Allison never seemed to have joined them in the marijuana. Not that he had noticed, anyway) and Allison was telling the group that she was a nymphomaniac, which was exciting. Particularly to someone with zero experience, to hear someone claim she’d done ‘almost everything’ was utterly fascinating. However, his head was still swimming and he seemed to have a lack of filter between his brain and his mouth. He couldn’t catch his words fast enough, which was often a problem for him sober, but now it wasn’t just supplying corrections or information, the more cruel thoughts slipped through, too.

“Obviously she’s crazy if she’s screwing her shrink,” he added to the group without even thinking. Y/N was sitting to his right and promptly hit him on the arm with the back of her hand.

“Brian!” She hissed and gave him a glare. ‘Oh shit. Did I say that out loud?’ He thought, looking at her with wide-eyed fear. The realization sobered him up pretty quickly and he was much more in control of his thoughts and words after that. Despite the weed taking away most of his worries, he still cared how she perceived him. From then on, he was more focused on the conversations in front of him and how he added to them, but it was harder to control his emotions when Andrew began telling them about why he was here today.

“You guys know what I did to get in here today? I taped Larry Lester’s buns together.” Andy said, with a hint of a smile. ‘How can he just smirk like that? He has to know it was a shitty thing to do and that he hurt Larry.’ Brian thought. He knew Larry had been attacked this week by one of the sports, but he didn’t know who. Larry didn’t even know the kid’s name, had never talked to him, but still got jumped anyway. An experience that Brian was all too familiar with.

“That was you?” Brian asked, somewhat surprised, but started to get angry.

“You know him?”

“Yeah, I know him.” He said quietly, trying not to let the anger bubble past the surface.

He had to bite his tongue when Andy made Larry into a joke, “Then you know how hairy he is right?” Bender and Claire chuckled at his joke, at him bullying one of Brian’s friends. ‘I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different,’ Brian thought dejectedly. But he was hoping that they were all better people than...this. The realization that they weren’t better than that, coupled with Andrew expressing his feelings about his father got Brian thinking. “I...hate him. He’s like this mindless machine that I can’t even relate to anymore.” Brian felt so disconnected from his parents, too, even though the rest of the group thought they lived in a fairytale. He was their pride and joy once, but it felt like ever since he started high school, he just wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t a good enough student, he didn’t do his chores right, he wasn’t setting himself up for college correctly, he wasn’t a good role model or brother to his sister...it all just added up and weighed on him immensely. He covered his face with one of his hands to hide his emotion and expression from the group. He didn’t even react when Andrew started screaming what his father had told him, but when everything settled down, he took the chance to speak.

“That’s like me, you know, with my grades. Like, when I step outside myself. A-and I look in on myself...and-and I see me, I don’t like what I see,” it was a difficult thing to admit but after what Allison and Andrew shared, he felt like maybe this could be the space to do so, too.

“What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you like yourself?” Claire asked. He knew it was meant to be nice, encouraging even, but it just made him feel worse. This beautiful, popular, and rich girl asking someone why they weren’t happy with themselves? Like she could have any sort of clue. No wonder it baffled her; she had everything. But he could also see Y/N nodding vigorously, agreeing with Claire. He didn’t want to put her on the same plane as Claire, he felt like she would be above that. But she clearly didn’t understand the way he felt, either. That just made him feel more alone.

“It’s stupid, but,” Brian said, “because I’m failing shop. We had this assignment to make this, uh, ceramic elephant. Anyways we were supposed to-it was, it was a lamp. When you pulled the trunk, the light was supposed to go on. But my light didn’t go on. I got an F on it. I’ve never got an F in my life. When I signed up, y’know, for the course, I thought I was playing it smart. I was, uh, ‘I’ll take Shop, it’s an easy way to maintain my grade point average.’”

“Why’d you think it would be easy?” Bender chimed in, not making eye contact. Brian had been lost in his own thoughts and his story and not looking at the group either, really. He had wanted to be honest, but he was also embarrassed. Honesty would have been hard to maintain if he was looking at them and seeing their judgments in real time.

“Have you seen some of the dopes that take Shop?” Brian asked, not realizing it would strike a nerve.

“I take Shop.” Bender responded, now turning his eyes to him, “You must be a fucking idiot.”

“I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t make a lamp?” Brian snapped defensively. He should have known it would be a mistake to put himself on the line like this, to open himself up to their judgement. He knew Bender was lashing out because he was insulted, but that didn’t make his jibes hurt any less.

“No, you’re a genius because you can’t make a lamp.” Bender shot back, sarcastically.

“What do you know about Trigonometry?” Brian fought back.

“I could care less about Trigonometry.”

“Bender, there’s no engineering without trigonometry.”

“Without lamps, there’d be no light.” Bender replied grumpily, grasping at straws for a fair comparison.

“Okay, so neither one of you is any better than the other one,” Claire jumped in. Before either of them responded, Allison added her own odd addition.

“I can write with my toes!” Both Bender and Brian looked at her incredulously, but she did calm the two of them down and add levity to the moment.

“I can make spaghetti!” Brian said cheerfully after a moment. Y/N smiled at him and his heart fluttered. He returned the smile and for a moment, forgot all about his blunder. Maybe that smile had given him the courage to participate again, to be open and vulnerable. Claire and Bender began fighting again, which wasn’t a surprise, but it opened a door for Brian to ask what had been weighing on his mind since their circle began. He felt like they had all bonded. They had told each other some of their deepest secrets and biggest pains, but did that really make them friends? “I know it’s kind of a weird time, but you know, I was just wondering...what’s going to happen to us on Monday? I mean, I consider you guys my friends,” he continued, looking around the circle, “I’m not wrong, am I?”

“No,” Andy reassured him. So, he wasn’t imagining it, they felt like friends, too.

“So on Monday, what happens?”

“Are we still friends, you mean? If we’re friends now?” Claire asked.

“Yeah.”

“You want the truth?” Claire couldn’t meet his eye, and Brian knew from the question she posed, he really didn’t want the truth. He knew what was coming, but he continued anyway.

“Yeah, I want the truth.”

“I don’t think so.” Claire responded and he somehow still wasn’t prepared for the blow. It still hit him hard, causing a squeezing pain in his chest and he looked away, clenching his jaw to hold the tears back that were welling in his eyes.

“With all of us,” Allison asked, “or just John?”

“With all of you,” Claire confirmed, looking away from the group.

“That’s a real nice attitude, Claire,” Andrew said gruffly.

“Oh, be honest, Andy,” Claire groaned, “If Brian came up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? Picture it, you’re with all the sports.” Brian glanced up at his name and looked at Andy hopefully. In his heart, he knew Claire was probably right, but he wanted to believe that Andrew was really his friend, that they all were. “You know exactly what you’d do. You’d say hi to him and then you’d laugh and cut him all up so your friends wouldn’t think you actually like him.”

“No way.” Andy denied, and that gave Brian a glimmer of hope, one he so desperately wanted to believe.

“What if I came up to you?” Allison asked.

“Same exact thing.”

“You are a bitch!” Bender yelled at Claire.

“Why?! Because I’m telling the truth? That makes me a bitch?”

“No. Cuz you know how shitty that is to do to someone and you don’t have the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you’re gonna like who you wanna like…” Bender continued berating Claire, but Brian now started to fail to hold back the tears that had been threatening so long to fall. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the group and tried to quickly wipe the tear away, hoping no one was paying attention to him; that they couldn’t see how they had impacted him. But he still felt eyes on him, particularly when he wiped the next tear away. He let Claire and Bender’s argument surround him. They called each other out, that neither would associate with him or Allison, that their image was too important to protect to reach out. It was a story that Brian had lived all of his life. ‘How could I think that one day would change everything?’ He thought, pitifully.

“So I assume Allison, Y/N, and I are better people than you? Us weirdos?” Brian interjected when Claire and Bender were silently fuming from their spat. “You, would you do that to me?” He asked Allison.

“I don’t have any friends,” she replied, which made Brian smile a little, even though he rolled his eyes some.

“Okay, but if you did?” He let out a light chuckle, urging her to answer.

“No. I don’t think the kind of friends that I’d have would mind,” Allison replied and Brian nodded, then steeled himself to turn to Y/N and ask the same question. He saw her quickly swipe at her face with her sleeves and realized, suddenly, that she had been crying too. He wasn’t sure why; she had been very quiet through this whole exchange, but maybe that was because it hit home hard for her, too. He felt a painful pang in his chest, both from seeing her tears and from fearing the possibility of her answer. He had spent the day hoping that this was a second chance, that he could get to know her. This was a bold move and would tell him if there was even a chance or not; and he feared the ‘not.' She locked eyes with him and he gulped, petrified to dive in but knowing he had to.

“What about you, Y/N?” He asked, quietly. It felt like the question hung in the air for an agonizing eternity, even though she answered right away. Time worked differently when you were waiting to hear if your world was going to be shattered.

“I would be honored to be your friend,” she replied with a shaking voice. Even though it was strained, it filled him with instant relief. He believed her as he had believed Allison and nodded, biting his lip.

“I just want to tell, each of you, that I wouldn’t do that,” he turned to the group,” I wouldn’t and I will not. Because I think it’s real shitty.”

“Your friends wouldn’t mind because they look up to us.” Claire told him and he couldn’t help but laugh derisively in response. Next to him, he heard Y/N give a sort of squeak but figured that it carried the same disbelief towards Claire as his gesture did.

“You’re so conceited, Claire. You’re so conceited. You’re like, so full of yourself. Why are you like that?” Brian noticed the tears falling again and swiped them away. He didn’t want Claire to think she wounded him, that she had the upper hand. While it stung to have all of his beliefs about how the popular kids perceived him and his friends confirmed, that wasn’t what really was bothering him. It was more that it reminded him that he was invisible, he didn’t matter, which was exactly why he was here today.

“I’m not saying that to be conceited. I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Claire sighed, and Brian noticed that she was drying her own tears. He didn’t necessarily like having caused them, but it was nice to know she was still human, that she was feeling the way he was, too. “You don’t understand, You’re not friends with the same kind of people Andy and I are friends with, you know? You just don’t understand the kind of pressure that they can put on you.” That, however, lit a fire within Brian. ‘Pressure from other assholes is so important? Try your own parents, Claire.’

“I don’t understand what?” Brian began, gesturing towards himself and planting his fingers into his chest. It relieved some of the dull ache there. “You think I don’t understand pressure, Claire? Well, fuck you! Fuck you!” ‘Also, fuck ‘bravery’ or saving face,’ Brian broke down into sobs in his elbow before calling out from his hiding spot, “do you know why I’m here today? Do you?!” He sat up to look at the group, the people he considered friends, to share his pain with them. “I’m here...because Mr. Ryan found a gun in my locker.” The words turned thick as they left his mouth and took on a life of their own. His eyes darted quickly around the circle, noting Claire’s dropped jaw, Allison’s tearful eyes that couldn’t meet his own, the way Andrew looked away and Bender seemed to know how he had felt, but also how he was surprised that Brian had the balls to do such a thing, and finally...tears silently and consistently slipping down Y/N’s face.

“What’s the gun for?” Andrew asked, interrupting Brian’s thoughts.

“I tried. You pull the fuckin’--trunk and the light’s supposed to go on and it didn’t go on, you know?” ‘You’ve said too much. They all thought you were a weirdo, now they think you’re a psychotic weirdo.’ “Forget it. Just--forget it,” he said in an attempt to brush it off, as if everything could go back to normal with the bombshell he just dropped on them.

“You brought it up, man,” Andrew insisted.

“I can’t have an F. I can’t have it and I know my parents can’t. Even if I aced the rest of the semester, it would only be a B. I’m ruined.”

“Brian…” Claire started, but there was nothing she could say to make this alright. ‘You’re a failure, Brian, and now you’ve become a freakshow. Look at her pity,’ his brain taunted him and he lashed out to hit the stool on his right, not even thinking about it until Y/N jumped up in her seated position, startled. The last thing he would want to do is hurt or scare her. ‘Shit, great. Another fuck up.’

“Sorry,” he mumbled in her direction before setting his head on his knee and continuing with his story from before, “Just considering my options, you know?”

“No, killing yourself is never an option!” Claire yelled at him, which made him scoff.

“Well I didn’t do it, did I? No, I didn’t think so.” ‘She really just doesn’t get it, does she? She still can’t picture why I’d want to--’

“It was a handgun?” Allison asked

“A flare gun. It blew up in my locker.” Brian sighed, but then he heard Andrew start to laugh. “It’s not funny.” Brian asserted. Andrew tried to clear his throat to stop laughing, but he couldn’t and Brian bit his lip and smiled in realization, “Yeah, it is.” The laughter was contagious...and better than crying. “Fucking elephant was destroyed.”

“You know what I did to get in here?” Allison asked the group, and Brian almost feared her answer. “Nothing. I didn’t have anything better to do.” That completely brightened the mood and Brian fell over laughing. It seemed like he was forgiven and that no one here was judging him for the failed lamp or the gun nor would they tell anybody about it. They...they had accepted him in the end after all.

*~~~~*

“...we trust you.” Claire was trying to talk him into writing one essay to cover all of them, and she was using flattery. Lucky for her, it worked. He looked down the row to seek approval from the others and they all nodded. But he liked knowing that they thought he was the smartest and the most capable, that they trusted his words would win over Vernon in a way that they wouldn’t be punished for not doing their own essays. It was a big task and a lot to entrust to him, so he took pride in fulfilling it. Claire took the other girls with her somewhere and it was just Andrew and him sitting silently in the library, so he decided to get to work. Andrew was just lurking about, playing with his jewelry, but he wasn’t a distraction. However, Allison passing by looking completely different was. Brian looked up, shocked that this was the same person he had spent all day with. Her hair was away from her face and he could actually see her brown eyes and she was wearing...white, the opposite of all of the layers of black before. He caught her glare at him staring at her so he tried to give her a reassuring smile, that it was a good look for her. She said, “thank you,” and moved on toward Andrew. Brian turned back to his essay and finished the last couple of lines, not noticing Y/N approaching behind him. If he had, he probably wouldn’t have kissed the essay or given himself a ‘good job’ punch in the arm.

He sat up in startled revelation when she spoke, “That good, huh?” He realized she had just seen everything. He had never felt more like a dork in his life and a blush crept up into his cheeks.

“Uh...yeah, I-I guess. I mean, do you want to read it?” He asked as she started to pull back the chair next to him to sit down.

“If you want me to, but I trust you.” She took her seat and placed her arm gently on his forearm. ‘Holy shit. She is touching me! She’s looking at me. What do I even say? Do I acknowledge the touch or do I just--’ “I’m impressed that you came up with something so quickly though.” Brian felt pride bubble up within him, knowing that she noticed...no, she was impressed by him. He cocked his head and looked at her sideways, trying to figure her out. She quickly looked away and pulled her hand back, now fiddling with her sleeves. ‘Is she...nervous?’ He thought, trying to decode her reaction. “So, um…you said earlier that you were in the Math Club? Um, I mean, if you have the time, do you think you could tutor me? I’m like totally lost in Clarkson’s class.”

He blinked. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t exactly that. Not that he would say no to spending more time with her. He had wanted that second chance, after all. “Yeah, no, I could do that,” he told her and watched as she twisted away and looked behind her, grabbing paper off of Allison’s desk. She leaned back forward and reached for his pen in front of him. She was actually close enough now that he could smell her shampoo and his body threatened to turn into jello on the spot.

“Here...is...my...phone number.” She said as she wrote it out on the paper and handed it to him. “Call me so we can set something up?” She looked up at him and knocked the breath right out of his lungs.

“You--You want me to call you?” He asked with raised eyebrows, wholly surprised by the request. He’d not only not kissed a girl, but one had never given him her phone number before.

“Yeah.” She smiled at him and his heartbeat picked up even faster, if that was possible. She cleared her throat and nodded towards Andrew and Allison. “So, those two, huh? Unexpected, right?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He was suddenly hurtled back to Earth, to reality. “Definitely. Wait, where’s Claire?”

“She...she said she was going to go ‘check on’ Bender.”

“Wow. So them, too.” ‘Everyone is coupling up maybe we should--’ he interrupted his own thought and shot it down. All he could say was, “That’s really...weird.”

*~~~~*

After they were finally released and Brian left his essay on the desk for Vernon to collect, and hopefully reflect upon, they all walked out together. It made sense as they all had to go to the main entrance, but there was a feeling of solidarity within it that made Brian think that the members of what he dubbed The Breakfast Club would continue their friendship come Monday.

Allison and Andrew branched off together, as did Claire and John. Brian looked quickly at Y/N as she walked down the steps with him. His dad was there to pick him up, which he was thankful for. His mom would definitely notice him walking with a girl and have a million questions and a lengthy lecture lined up, but his dad would barely notice, much less think anything of it. He reached for the door handle as Y/N was about to depart, but then she called his name, “Hey Brian,” he looked up, not sure what else she could possibly have to say, especially since they had been silent while the couples had veered off. “See you Monday.” She reminded him and gave him a small smile. He gave a grin in return.

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you on Monday.” He replied, beginning to get into the car, her phone number burning a hole in his pocket. For the first time in a long time, he was actually looking forward to another week school.

Tags:

@criminalwipes

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (cause it's always nice to give a shout out and get people into things I'm into rn)

[The Magnus Archives] (I recently finished the podcast and I fell into a hole for a while so here you go)

Sing a Song of Sixpence by Kaiel

Ship: Jon/Martin

In which Jonathan Sims is a Siren, and he fails to notice any new abilities granted to him by the position of Archivist. Or really anything about the Entities at all.

Takes place in season 1 featuring Jonah Magnus’s slow decent into madness

(The new mythology interwoven with tma's worldbuilding is so freaking good and I love how all the characters change and develop because of these changes. Also, f you Elias)

Along Came a Spider by Dribbledscribbles

Ship: implied Jon/Martin

Sasha James is the Archivist, as expected. Martin Blackwood is menaced by Jane Prentiss, as expected. Elias Bouchard weaves his web, as expected.

All goes as it should.

At least until something calling itself Jonathan Sims steps in.

(Web!Jon in this makes me want to weep, it's so freaking good. A pretty long, very excellent oneshot on what could've happened if Jon got taken by the web when he was a kid. And Sasha as the Archivist is ALWAYS so cool, we love her in this house.)

A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit

“I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”

“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-

“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”

(I never thought about what the Original Elias could've been like AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THIS FIC. I LOVE HIM, HE'S COMPLEX AND HE CARES AND JON CARES AND THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE CONTENT I WANT, OMG. Also, Jon being even smaller than usual is adorable, so cute. No wonder Elias wants to hug him, a LOT.)

See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea by The_Floating_World

Ship: Jon/Martin, Jon/Oliver Banks

When Jon is a child he looks into the infinite abyss of space. The Vast looks back into him.

(One of my all time fave fics in this fandom, no questions asked. I have reread this three times and am open to doing it again, god. Vast!Jon, such a concept. It's written so beautifully and the relationships Jon develops, so good. ugh. My heart. Please please read.)

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Ship: Jon/Martin

“Come in, Martin,” he says, not looking up from his notes.

“Hi, Jon,” he says, and Jon stops writing at the sound of his voice. “We’re out of the green tea, but we’ve got lemon?”

Jon looks at him. Martin smiles at him in his usual tentative way as he sets the mug of tea down on Jon’s desk. Heat spikes so sharply in his gut that he twitches with it.

“Thank you, Martin,” he says, mouth dry, and he stands up.

“Oh,” he says, sounding almost surprised. He smiles again. “No-- no problem-- um, what are you--”

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

(You have no idea how much I howled through this fic, my god. *buries face in hands* The number of times I wanted to cry from sheer hilarity and horror reading this good lord.)

Things Could Always Be Worse by theOestofOCs

Ship: Jon/Martin, Georgie/Melanie

Sometimes, the most horrifying thing of all is what might have been.

Somewhere, Jon could swear he heard a crowd laughing.

Or: in which Jonathan Sims is forced to swap places with his alternate self—a tall, chivalrous hero extraordinaire, who knows neither fear nor nuance—and is sent to the aggressively straight alternate universe the Magnus Archives was never meant to be.

“Whatever place this is,” Jon announced, “I just want to be sure it knows I hate it.”

(I will say this once, THIS IS THE MOST CURSED THING IVE EVER READ EVER. Like holy hell. I can't believe this thing exists. please read it oh please please please)

-

[Supernatural]

heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by Schmuzz

Ship: Dean/Cas, Jessica/Sam

A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:

1. Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; 2. He has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; 3. He keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who seems to be about as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.

For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.

(THE fic I'm most into right now, been following this from the very start and it's AMAZING. Cas has agency and is making friends and S1 Dean is growing out of John's influence and is becoming a Person and the both of them first being friends then more. The slow burn as their relationship develops, SO GOOD. SO SO DAMN GOOD. *screams* Seriously one of the best spn fics I've read in a long, long time.)

anamnesis by cenotaphy

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Eileen

Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be.

* Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19.

(THIS IS THE FIC THAT GOT ME THROUGH THE FINALE OKAY. WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN CANON. It's Disturbing and honestly plot-wise this makes more sense. Why couldn't we have had this. *screams*)

-

[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor

Ship: Sokka/Zuko

When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them.

Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.

(The fact one of the tags in this fic is, "Sibling Dynamic: Fucked Up But Wholesome" should give you an idea what this fic is like. Chaotic as HELL and I just love Azula here, she loves Zuko so much in her messed up way and Zuko loves her back in the exact same way lol. It's batshit and I am Here For This.)

-

[Naruto]

Eclipse by AislingRoisin (JayBird345) for HybrisAnaideia

Ship: Nara Shikaku/OFC

"In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."

(This is a fic that's slept on and I NEED people to read this. A self-insert fic that I find really interesting in its approach and the worldbuilding for the post-third war shinobi world is fantastic. I feel like there's a certain pattern with self-insert fics, not that is a detriment in any way to how much I enjoy them, so this fic feels fresh to me in a way I haven't read in a while. I am waiting eagerly for this to get updated! Please read!)

On Freedom and Other Formalities by iaso

Ship: Kakashi/Genma/OFC

When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC

(Listen, LISTEN, it's about the slow burn, the longing, the communication (it both has and hasn't and isn't THAT great??), the messy way you fit three very different people together, it's so freaking good! Also, Kakashi is so Chaotic here this is my fave characterization of him, you can't change my mind. And Genma is a Good Boi who is Doing His Best, along with the Self-insert character who I LOVE SO MUCH, SHE'S FANTASTIC FNEIWOPAF. Sped past this fic in the speed of light, I could not stop reading!)(Honestly, read all of the author's fics, they're all really REALLY good!)

Building a Castle by WhisperingDarkness

Without needing anyone to tell her, Sakura knew that talking to someone no-one else could see or hear would make her weird. It would draw the bad kind of attention to her, something people could make fun of her for.

She didn’t like being weird, but she did like the voice. Her inner voice was helpful and it was a part of her that had always been there. The idea of it not being there would have been so much weirder than anything else.

It was during her first year at the Academy that Sakura realised the voice was not in her head at all, but that it came from a cloudy shape floating next to her.

(Basically a short-ish retelling of Hikaru no Go. Only with more Shogi and Nara and Ninja's)

(Sakura can see ghosts (I'm noticing this is a popular trope for her) and it's really cute haha! Her relationship with Tobirama is sweet and I just enjoyed reading this so much.)

-

[The Magicians]

So Long (And Thanks For All The Books) by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)

Ships: Quentin/Eliot, James/Julia, Quentin/Margo/Eliot

When Quentin is told Julia wasn't admitted to Brakebills, he realizes he has a drastic decision in front of him. If he tells Julia about magic, he'll have his mind wiped as well as hers. But he can't just leave her behind, either. He can't lose his best friend, and he can't let her life a life with her magical potential stolen away from her.

So he makes a third choice.

(Really, and I mean REALLY well-done canon divergent fic, this is the Quentin & Julia friendship fic I have been looking for forever. It explores so much of what could've happened and I just love Quentin here, I really really do. Characterization done so right. I also recommend the author's other works too. Been a follower of them for a long time, they're great.)

-

[Game of Thrones]

The Road to Victory by writing_as_tracey

Too late in preparing for the Night King and the Long Night, the last stand at Winterfell is close to falling. Bran takes desperate measures to ensure victory, and Jon, Sansa, and Arya pay the price for it in a time unfamiliar to them, on the cusp of another war. [GoT, time-travel fix it]

(I swear, this fic made me laugh so many times, all the Stark are BAMF and fantastic, and Rhaegar gets Wrecked lol. It's crack btw, and the plot goes in directions you'll never guess and it's amazing hahaha!)

-

[Haikyuu!!] (I am very very late to the fandom but here I am)

Ballare (To Dance) by MidnightSparks

Ship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, and platonic Kageyama & Kentarou (really love their friendship)

Kageyama’s first love is volleyball. His second, however, is ballet.

In one world, Kageyama Tobio is left behind by his parents. In this world, the existence of soulbonds keeps Kageyama’s parents in Miyagi and leaves Kageyama in the care of his grandma and grandpa.

(In which soulmates exist and that changes everything and nothing at the same time.)

(*buries face in hands* I have fallen for this ship so hard and I can't get out fudge me. I understand now. Their DYNAMICS FIEWONPAF)

Kings of Tomorrow by bokubroya (liarielle)

Ship: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru

On the eve of Tobio’s 16th birthday, he counts down the seconds to midnight, and emerges with Oikawa Tooru’s name on his wrist.

It’s been two years since then, and Tobio thought they had an understanding. A silent, never spoken about understanding that this thing between them is nothing, and they’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Of course, it’s just like Oikawa to change the game and leave Tobio wondering what comes next.

(I am WEAK for soulmate fics between these two, I don't even really like soulmate fics half the times what is WRONG WITH ME-)(Please suffer with me, I'm begging you. Its a good fic, thumbs up.)

-

[Crossover]

Honey and Magic by JustARatherVerySillyWriter, White_Squirrel for Super Carlin Brothers

Fandoms: Matilda (yeah you read that right), Harry Potter

Everyone knew Matilda was a rather extraordinary child, but even she didn't know she was a witch. Matilda Honey receives her Hogwarts letter in the year of the Triwizard Tournament, and soon, she will leave her unique mark on the magical world.

(Do I even need to explain how amazing it is to have Matilda in the wizarding world? And Matilda is a HUFFLEPUFF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL THIS FIC IS GREAT PLEASE READ!!!)

An Eye for an Eye by DpsMercy

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale

In which Jonathan Sims is not from the UK but instead, if you took his origins and turned them sideways twice then flipped them over, he technically would be from the US, the town of Night Vale specifically. Elias can’t do shit about it and gets a headache and slowly creeping madness instead.

(Look, I know probably everyone has read this because if they haven't, what have you been DOING with your lives??? Jon interning at Night Vale is Incredible, nothing phases this man, it's Delightful. I laughed so many times reading this, I'm not even kidding right now. Read or perish.)

The Favour by R_Cookie

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Ship: Original Percival Graves/Harry Potter

Percival is ten years old when his grandfather tries to tell him that he's ensured the greatness of the Graves legacy for him, that he ought to be eternally grateful - but the explanation is hijacked by a stranger who manages to intimidate Chester Graves with an ease never seen before.

or: Hadrian (Harry) Potter is the Master of Death, who grants Graves a boon. Nobody could have known that the Deathly Hallows didn't turn you so much into the 'Master of Death' as into the anthropomorphic personification of Death. And so, Death becomes Percival's guardian angel, and Percival does not spit out his cereal.

(Look, I don't know how I stumbled back into the FBAWTFT fandom either, it just happened and I'm grateful for that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found this amazing fic. Their relationship is slow and strange and I just love how Percival is characterized here. Also, one of the tag promises that it deviates from canon so I am really, really excited for that! XD)

baby that's what i do by natanije

Fandoms: Naruto, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!

"Are you telling me," Hidan exclaims, incredulous, "that you collect money all this time to give to orphans?!"

Kakuzu pauses. He blinks a few times.

"Huh. I guess I do."

(Tsuna reincarnates as Kakuzu and it's HILARIOUS. HE'S SUCH A MOM HAHAHA)

[averykedavra]

joan - what do you wish the series would cover next, or what kind of turn would you want to see it take?

!! okay this is a really fun question. ‘cause i’ve thought about this a lot. timeline-wise, I only got really involved with the fandom around the release of ATHD, and ever since then i’ve really enjoyed imagining the “next” events of the series. sometimes theories, sometimes just AUs, but it’s always fun!

and see, there are tons of things i’d love to explore in the context of canon. like sides switching from light to dark, or a side shutting themselves off, or serious backstory elements like the formation of roman and remus. tons of stuff that’d be super cool to think about.

but they’re not stuff i’d actually want in canon necessarily, you know? and they’re mostly not stuff i’d ever expect canon to actually do. so here’s a little incomplete list of things i’d love to actually see in the series, and which I think are (semi)-plausible:

1. Roman’s arc. had to add this one. I’m pretty sure it’s coming up after PoF (and it better) and I am so, so excited. roman’s been a slow-boiling pot of emotional turmoil for a while now and I just wanna see it spill over!

and look. don’t get me wrong, i love the pintroverts so much, but—yeah, i really wanna see thomas and nico go through a rough patch. thomas, and by extension roman, are pinning so many expectations on nico. they’re emotionally unready and using nico like a way to redeem themselves and feel better, instead of confronting their own issues. not to say the relationship can’t work out, but i can figure there’ll be some bumps on the road.

and possible failure with nico would be a great catalyst for roman’s full breakdown. he’s got everything riding on this guy! he calls nico “a chance at happiness”! and he’s the romantic side, he wants this to work out, so thomas will trust him again. and if it fails, it’ll break roman into tiny, tiny pieces.

plus, i know the season finale is probably going to be a two-parter, like with virgil’s episode? and i don’t know if i actually want roman to duck out, but i am really excited for some parallels to virgil’s arc. acceptance instead of redemption, being more than your function, every side being valued, and virgil and roman continuing to become closer together. if i do not get a remix of “you make us better” but virgil to roman, i will riot /j

2. Logan’s arc. then following roman, our braincell boy! logan is another steaming pile of issues who’s been repressing for far too long. i want to see him admit he has feelings. i want to see him cry. maybe this is the angst demon in me, but come on, he deserves it.

an aspect of logan that’s really fascinating to me is his relation to thomas’ own self-image and needs. logan defines himself by his use to thomas—he has the least belief in himself as a separate entity. and he’s felt sidelined for a long time, possibly ever since thomas became a youtube.

i think it’d be super interesting to see more of how their dynamic was before thomas made the career switch, how logan feels about it, and how his “lack of feelings” is an extension of his refusal to acknowledge his own personhood. he doesn’t let himself want or feel—and he’s actually kinda similar to roman in that regard. roman and logan are narrative foils in a lot of ways. which would make it kinda cool if their arcs were somewhat consecutive—logan helps roman value himself, and roman returns the favor.

oh, and i’d love it if virgil and logan could come full circle, too? virgil comforts logan during the whole thing, maybe even talking to him about cognitive distortions or using techniques logan taught him to destress. they’re really good friends and i wanna see more of that.

3. Janus becoming part of the group. i have so many feelings about janus. he’s poised to join the gang and start helping thomas from the inside, but his acceptance is still conditional, fragile, and fragmented. roman loathes him, logan resents him, and virgil has a history with him. and janus is gonna have to try and get through all that.

i already love his dynamic with patton, i really want them to be friends. i think a logan and janus debate would be fucking fantastic. i am begging for roman and janus to talk things out. and i really, really want to see virgil and janus become friends again.

but maybe what i’m most interested in is janus himself, and his relationship to thomas. i still love interpreting the “is that fair to him” line as referencing janus’ complex and difficult role as the keeper of all lies. he’s still hiding an orange side from us, probably, and he’s trying to keep everything stable.

what happens if he slips up? what happens if he gets close to patton and starts having new priorities? how did that affect his relationship with virgil? i want to really explore janus’ character and motivations.

and also janus and remus content. give it. this is an order.

4. Remus. Literally anything remus. Please I’m starving, I just want to see my trash boy, when will he return from the war?

Seriously, though, I’d love more remus. his thoughts on nico. his motivation, his daily life, his relationship with janus and the other sides. i think he could really be great friends with all of them if he was given time to settle, and my intruality heart says he deserves to be chaotic besties with patton.

and! and his relationship with roman!! i really wanna see them grow closer and be bros, while working through the deep complexities of their issues with one another. because right now roman has so many projections of remus as his worst enemy and the epitome of everything he doesn’t wanna be, and remus just…doesn’t care about all that. that’s so interesting!!

remus is just such a refreshing character in so many ways. he’s so blunt and open and honest, he doesn’t hide or repress anything, and that’d be so much fun to explore! plop him in the middle of the other sides and see how long it takes for stuff to explode. i wanna see him break the status quo just because he can.

5. Patton’s arc. oh, you thought his character development was done? not even close. he learned a lot from moving on, but pof proved he still has a long way to go. and tbh I think he’s in a really precarious position right now.

yeah, he’s finally opening up to janus and the others. but he’s also very vulnerable, very unsure, and very ready to throw himself out of the picture if thomas needs him to. he asked if janus thought patton was just bad for thomas, and he seemed ready to take that advice and leave thomas be.

which is. concerning. and I think as patton learns to pull back and let thomas--and everyone--stand on their own without him smothering them, as he learns to have faith in others and not feel pressured to fix everything himself, he needs to work on his own self-worth, too.

patton, like a lot of the sides, is separating himself from his function. and that’s gonna be painful and messy and probably include a lot of backsliding. i wanna see him talk to the others, really talk to them, and get the support from his friends he needs! and that includes:

6. virgil continuing to support his friends. virgil has been doing great character-development-wise, but again, he has far to go! and what I want to see more of is stuff like FWSA. him beginning to truly support his friends in the way they’ve supported him.

his friendships with roman and logan are so sweet and I wanna see more of that. please. and I wanna see him bond with remus and janus again, and most of all, I want patton and virgil to really sit down and talk about stuff. they’ve been going through it for a while and I want them to talk.

the sad part, of course, is that post-pof they’re probably in an even worse place. there’s a reason patton didn’t show up in FWSA even when matters of the heart were involved. they’re on thin ice around each other, and throwing janus and roman into it will just make everything more complicated.

but I believe in them! they’re good friends, and I think if they try, they can work through it and learn more about each other.

7. bonding between the dark and light sides. basically already covered this one but guys. i want everyone to bond. i want logan and remus sharing cool facts. i want janus and virgil being snarky best friends. i want patton and remus teaming up to make stuff happen, and janus calling logan out on his repression, and virgil and remus listening to mcr and just. them, okay? them. glad we had this talk.

8. a breaking down of the dark sides and light sides altogether. i don’t necessarily mean anyone becomes a dark side (although it’s such a fun idea.) I mean really digging into the morality and formation of the “sides”, and eventually dismantling them.

the dark and light sides aren’t good and evil. they’re sides that thomas wants around, that are useful, and sides he doesn’t. and as janus becomes wanted at the table, and as patton and roman pull away and become less useful, it’ll be interesting to see how those dynamics shift.

the issue of identity is really at the heart of sanders sides. how much of you is you, and how much of it is what others want? are you beholden to others’ expectations, and how do you find personal worth? what defines you--by what measure is a man? how does a person change and grow? can they? or are they always, at the core, what they began as?

these questions obviously don’t have simple answers, but they’re stuff I wanna see talked about. i want to see the difficulty of even finding the line between selfishness and selflessness when you exist to serve another self. actions can be selfish and selfless all at once, a mass of contradictions that’s anything but black and white. and I wanna see more of that.

an idea I toy with sometimes is having a brief, or not so brief, reversal of dark sides and light sides. remus and janus, and maybe virgil, become more listened to. and roman, patton, and logan become the sides in the background. i dunno if it would actually happen, but I think it’d be interesting to consider--because once again, it’s about use versus value and wants versus needs.

if thomas wants a side, will they stick around? what about if he only wants to want them? what if he wants them as a friend but doesn’t need their function? what if they don’t think he wants them? what if any number of things?

i want to see discussion and deconstruction of the sides as a whole. i want to see them really dig deep into their purpose and formation. i want everything laid bare. and then finally, I want:

9. thomas ends the series by letting go of the sides. i am such a fucking sucker for bittersweet open endings like that. it wouldn’t be a full erasure of the sides, they’d still exist in the mind palace, probably hanging out and having movie nights and being a family. but they wouldn’t talk to thomas anymore.

i think it could be a really profound note about not only letting go of parts of your life and moving forward, but how c!thomas should work to stand on his own. yes, the sides are parts of him, but he’s more than the combination of their input. he’s his own person. he’s real. and I think he needs to work on being more self-reliant, in the moment, and start to discover his identity not in pieces, but as a whole.

the sides weren't bad for him. not in the slightest. they’ve helped him understand and come to terms with any number of things. but sometimes people grow and move forward, and they have to say goodbye to some parts of their life. that’s a fact. and with the ongoing theme of moving on and chasing the future, i think thomas would reasonably do that--end the series with a goodbye.

10. and...orange side. i’ve talked a lot about my ideas for the orange side, but suffice it to say, i’m looking forward to them. whoever they end up being.

so yeah, that’s a very long post about my ideas that isn’t half as long as it could be dhfgsjhs i’ve considered writing something like a canon divergence AU, or just rambling on tumblr, but for now that’s what I got. and this is all to say, hire me, sanders sides writing team /j

[balillee]

t-to.... lighten th-the mood,,,,,, here's s-some r-ressurrected c!tommy he-headcanons.... *sobbing violently*

tommy still has his scars from all three of his deaths. one on his forehead from the bow duel, a large slash on his chest from the final control room, and a scar running from his hairline to the back of his head from his skull cracking open.

like all the revived wilbur headcanons, revived tommy would too have a white streak in his hair.

he gets headaches from the scar on his head a lot and from the residual head trauma, and on bad days it can make his vision go a little blurry.

the blue in his eyes is kind of hauntingly bright, a lot brighter than it was before. it dimmed while he was in exile but now it glows brighter than ever.

he didn't respawn at the prison but instead at the world spawn. initially when dream resurrected him, he was half -convinced that the book actually didn't work and that schlatt had scammed him, and so was everyone else. they were really freaked out to see tommy staring at the flowers outside of his house all weird.

at least one person is with tommy at all times, usually puffy. they failed him once before. they will not do it again.

sam nook seems to be overjoyed, and the running of the hotel has been left to sam and jack while tommy processes.

the first thing tommy did when he got back was blast roadtrip and make his continued existence everyone else's problem out of spite. this included, but was not limited to : building cobblestone towers around the prison, buillding another one in snowchester, one literally in the pride castle, surrounding phil's and techno's houses with cobblestone towers, decorating nearly every large wall he could find with pictures of master oogway and robbing ranboo of all of his cobble in broad daylight to make his towers.

my man is back in his brewery making potions again. the dead midlands goblin is a drug addict, your honor, and this has been canon for months now, i promise.

oh, he also lost a tooth, but big q gave him a gold one so they could match. gold tooth brothers united in capitalist mayhem once again.

he makes a proper memorial to l'manberg. admittedly, it doesn't look great. it's a messy structure made out of oak wood and cobblestone and it's the biggest eyesore next to the crater that sits below it, but, y'know, it's a memorial. it looks a bit like the camarvan.

he just has a lot of pent up fuck you's that he's dealing out. he visits techno at least once a week to steal every gapple he can find and tell phil and techno to go fuck themselves, and rightfully so.

tommy has since been banned from the prison completely, and visitors are still not allowed into the prison as it's still on lockdown. tommy doesn't mind too much, he figures he can't get closure with dream so he might as well live without it.

the eggpire is.... displeased, to put it lightly.

tommy's skin kind of looks paler and more dull, and he's now walking around telling everyone he's frankenstein. everyone tries to correct him and instead tell him that, if he were a zombie, he'd actually be frankenstein's monster, but he just doesn't accept it.

[lesbianlotties]

five times Deena and Sam met in secret (and one time they didn’t) - Chapter 4

Chapters: 4/6 Fandom: Fear Street Trilogy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Fraser/Deena Johnson Characters: Deena Johnson, Samantha "Sam" Fraser (Fear Street) Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, High School, Cheerleaders, Band, Teenagers, Teen Romance, First Meetings, First Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst

Secrets.

Deena and Sam met by accident. They fell in love in secret.

But how long can they last together like that?

Chapter 4 - secret fears

“So this is Samantha Fraser’s room,” Deena said, slowly walking into her girlfriend’s room.

“Ugh, don’t call me that,” Sam scrunched up her face adorably in distaste as sat down on the edge of her bed.

Deena gave her a small smirk and said, “Sam fits you better.” For a moment, she placed her hand on Sam's cheek and looked deep into precious blue eyes. Then she moved on, distracted by every little thing she was seeing.

Sam, on the other hand, couldn’t so easily move on from the feeling of having Deena stare into her eyes like that. She felt a little breathless. Because Deena’s eyes were full of love, understanding, and honesty. That little sentence “Sam fits you better,” wasn’t just a little joke. It was the full weight of Sam’s entire existence in this world. Deena and her friends were the first ones to call her Sam instead of Samantha. Back then, when she came home after hanging out with them and her mother’s yells were addressed to Samantha, something had inevitably changed. Something inside Sam had been broken down in two. Sam and Samantha. Unacceptable feelings and suffocating expectations. Another Shadyside outcast and anything but that. Holding on to two parts of herself was difficult, and every day it became a little more painful. Especially considering she refused to let go completely of each of those sharp-edged pieces of herself. Letting go of Samantha would be giving up on her own mother and the concept of a different and brighter future for herself. But she couldn’t put down Sam’s reality either, not only because that would mean losing Deena and her friends, but because it was the most real part of her, as scary as that was. So, all she could do was wrap her arms around herself and hold tightly in hopes the secrets and lies wouldn’t come bursting out of her, and try not to think too hard about how much longer she could keep up that balancing act of Sam and Samantha.

In the meantime, her mother would be out of the house the entire day, and it was the first time she could bring her girlfriend home. Even if Deena’s own bedroom was starting to feel much more like home than her own house anyway.

“It’s very you,” Deena was saying, staring at the walls, the shelves, the essence of Sam on every surface.

“Can’t let my mom control everything,” Sam shrugged, putting on a smile.

“Shouldn’t let her control anything.”

Deena’s comment had been accompanied by a small frown, but she was distracted still, she wasn’t starting a fight, she was leaving that ball on Sam’s court. And Sam decided to lower her head and stay silent this time. That had been an ongoing argument for a short while already. Deena seemed completely against even trying to understand why Sam would want to be civil with her own mother. Why Sam tried so hard to find a middle ground, a little peace in trying to satisfy her mother even at the expense of some of her own happiness. Much like Deena would immediately snap if Sam so much as suggested that she should stop cleaning up after her alcoholic father. It was strange, Sam thought, fighting with Deena. Their situations weren’t so different. They understood each other. It just appeared that they weren’t ready to fight against or fight for the same things at the same time. They weren’t each other’s enemies by far. They had plenty of threats around them already. But, while still being kept a secret, who could they end up fighting but each other?

Either way, at the moment, Sam decided to shake herself out of her continuously darkening thoughts, which Sam greatly preferred to ignore and instead focus on Deena’s own tendency for pessimism. Instead, she chose to focus on the experience at hand. How vulnerable but happy it made her to see her girlfriend’s delight and curiosity upon being in Sam’s personal space as never before.

“The Pixies,” Deena pointed at one of the posters on Sam’s wall. “Nice,” she was smiling brightly, looking closely at the details on the walls, “and I have this same one.” She continued looking at the posters, flinching a little from at least five classic horror movie posters. She turned toward her girlfriend with a playful grin. “Tell me, the other cheerleaders know you’re a horror movie nerd?”

“Hey!” Sam chuckled.

Deena playfully gasped. She kneeled down to take a closer look at some of the books on the shelf. As colorful as they seemed to be, Deena recognized them as horror books too. “Babe, even your books are creepy!”

“Okay, enough snooping around!” Sam laughed. “Come here.” She extended her arms and Deena quickly approached her, taking her hands and holding on, letting their joined hands hang in between them while Sam continued seated on her bed and Deena stood in front of her.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Deena tilted her head. She looked earnestly grateful.

Sam gave a small shrug. “I wish I could’ve done it sooner.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Deena replied and softly pushed a strand of hair behind Sam’s ear.

“I wish…” Sam started to say, looking up at Deena. In a brief pause, she looked down and reached out to hook her fingers on the front belt loops of Deena’s jeans, lightly pulling her closer. “I wish I could keep you here forever,” she sighed. Deena was now standing between her legs, looking down at her with an amused smile and affectionate eyes. Sam was still holding on to her belt loops. “Everything feels better with you here,” she confessed, her heart on her throat as she stared into her girlfriend’s eyes, “I feel better… with you here…”

Deena sighed too. Sam’s words were wreaking havoc on her heart, but she continued to try to hold her composure. She softly ran her hand over Sam’s arms, reaching her shoulders, her neck. Her thumbs softly stroking the delicate skin of Sam’s jaw. “I’m here,” Deena told her in a whisper, “I’m all yours, Sam.”

In response, Sam’s eyes couldn’t have looked more in love if she’d tried. “Kiss me,” she breathed out.

“Gladly,” Deena replied, smiling for a moment before finally closing the gap separating them and getting lost in the kiss.

Sam gave another tug to Deena’s belt loops, earning a quick laugh pressed to her lips, and getting her as close as possible, so Deena’s was standing between her legs. Then her hands settled comfortably on her girlfriend’s waist. Deena’s hands were just a little more adventurous, descending from Sam’s jaw to trace her collarbone and finally resting a little lower, distinctly aware of the heartbeat wildly beating underneath her palm. Then, she followed the neckline of Sam’s blouse, reaching the first button, toying with it between her fingers, pulling at it just a little.

“Can I?” Deena breathed against Sam’s lips

“Yeah," Sam nodded quickly, before reconnecting their lips.

It might have been Sam’s shirt, the one being unbuttoned, but it was Deena who was starting to tremble. Her attention was being split between Sam’s lips, the buttons of the blouse, and Sam’s hands sneaking under her sweater, thumbs rubbing teasing circles on her bare skin. Although it felt like centuries had been leading to this moment, when Deena ran out of buttons on Sam’s shirt, she felt like the moment came too soon. She pulled back slowly from the kiss, and nearly gasped at the sight in front of her. Her hands froze and her lips parted as she studied the expanse of skin revealed to her.

“Sam…” Deena sighed, when Sam finished taking off her shirt.

Then, Sam’s hands didn’t return to their place under Deena’s sweater. Instead, she tugged on the hem of it. “Take it off,” she asked her girlfriend in a breathy whisper. She attempted a teasing smile, but it was obvious in her eyes she was as deeply affected by this development as the other girl.

Deena didn’t need to be asked twice. In a not-so-effortless but definitely quick movement, she took off the colorful garment. Any thoughts Sam might have had about teasing her girlfriend for her reaction after seeing her without a shirt on for the first time flew out the window. Because now Sam had Deena standing there between her legs, only her bra on, and looking down at her with the most passionate pair of eyes in the world. Sam’s head went blank and the only thing she thought of saying was, “I love that sweater.”

In response, Deena chuckled fondly. “Should I keep it on?”

“No,” Sam quickly shook her head. But she was smiling again, and soon enough the two of them were laughing.

They could hardly hold off their smiles long enough to kiss. Especially when Deena joined Sam on the bed and they started the ungraceful process of scooting up in bed. It was a collection of all the imperfect details necessary to make up a perfect moment. A moment that they wouldn’t change for the world. There were messy kisses, knees knocking against each other, hair falling on their faces, fits of laughter pressed against one another’s necks. Buttons on both their pants coming undone, breathy gasps of delighted surprise, sweetly inexperienced hands trying their best and succeeding. 

They weren’t ready to move a single inch away from each other. Not after the precious discoveries they’d just made. In fact, they only wanted more. Sam was mostly on top of Deena, kissing her neck, saying with lips and teeth things she wouldn't dare say out loud. Deena’s hand was traveling Sam’s back, settling on the clasp of her bra, a question on the tip of the tongue… when they heard the front door of the house open.

“Goddammit,” Deena sighed gravely, letting her head fall back on the pillows, knowing their moment was over.

“What the hell?” Sam whispered, scrambling off the bed at a quick speed. “She isn’t supposed to come home yet!”

“Fuck,” Deena groaned, “Now what?”

There was a moment of complete silence. Sam was standing still as a statue, the wheels turning furiously inside her mind, faintly hearing her mother move downstairs. Finally, she looked at her girlfriend and said, “You have to hide.”

“Sam, come on,” Deena protested. She wanted to think Sam was kidding, but the blonde looked dead serious.

“Deena, please,” Sam begged. At that point, her voice was starting to shake. Deena felt frozen in place, because she was looking at her favorite pair of blue eyes and the absolute terror in them was heartbreaking. But, soon enough, Sam was grabbing her arms and urging her off the bed, continuing to plead, “Please, please, hide in the closet.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Deena asked her with a bitter chuckle. She had trouble focusing on one single emotion, because this situation was tragically funny, because part of her was growing outraged at being shoved away like a dirty secret, and because her heart couldn’t help but ache for the girl she was falling for, the girl fumbling to put on her shirt and shaking with fear. Deena scoffed, “Let me help you,” she whispered, and despite her anger, she gently helped Sam recover her composure to look as innocent as possible.

“Thanks,” Sam breathed out in relief, but she still appeared beyond terrified. “I’ll figure something out, Deena, I promise. But… I can’t… not like this, not right now…”

“Not ever?” Deena snapped back at her, but complied as Sam gently pushed her inside her closet.

“Deena!” Sam whispered-yelled, but before she continued they heard a voice call out from the stairs.

“Samantha? Are you home?”

Before replying, Sam took a deep breath, and Deena could’ve sworn she turned into a completely different person. “Yes, mom. I’ll be down in a minute!” Sam- Samantha said.

“Sam?” Deena took a step back, deeper into her hiding place, away from her own girlfriend.

“Deena, please,” Sam pleaded one last time. After another deep breath, her eyes softened. The fear dimmed from the blue of her eyes, but the sadness persisted. She was trying so hard not to let any of it show. “I’ll make it up to you… okay?”

“Yeah…”

Deena didn’t sound particularly convinced. The image was enough to make Sam’s heart speed up. She couldn’t ruin this, she couldn’t. But there was that voice, that Samantha voice in the back of her mind telling her that every time she was with Deena could be the last time. Impulsed by such an awful fear, Sam reached out to hold her girlfriend’s face in her hands and pulled her in for a kiss that she hoped could convey all the feelings she had for her.

After Sam walked away and the closet’s door was closed, Deena, unfortunately, had time to think. Having time to think, in that particular circumstance, is a terrible thing. Because she started thinking about the afternoon they just spent together, and how serious her feelings for Sam were. Sadly, it was too easy to end up thinking about how difficult their whole situation was becoming, how much it looked, from her perspective inside Sam’s closet, like it wasn’t working. But all things considered, this time, like always, Deena was reassured by the firm knowledge that both of them really wanted this to work, they were both willing to fight for it, right? They… loved each other. She nearly gasped out loud in her hiding place when the thought popped up in her mind. She loved Sam, she really did. And she felt Sam loved her just as much. That was enough, wasn’t it? It had to be.

The problem was that, unbeknownst to Deena, Sam’s mother had arrived home that day with a folder carrying divorce papers. Those documents would change her and Sam’s lives, would put it all upside down, would threaten their already fragile relationship.

[neutral-emerald]

SILVER THE COSMIC TIME-JANITOR (or: dude, what's with all the alternate futures)

silver the hedgehog has a very simple backstory. he's a kindhearted, sorta-naive but altogether very driven psychic hedgehog here to save the world by time-traveling to the past (also known as present-day) to prevent the apocalyptic future he was born into from coming to pass!

[ID: A screenshot of Silver from Sonic 06. He’s glowing with cyan energy as he flies over a dark, post-apocalyptic city.]

...wait, if he's time traveling 200 years into the past to completely change the shape of the timeline, how do the stars manage to align such that he manages to be born at the exact same point in the new timeline with the exact same genetics? how are his parents born? does silver have parents?? and how does he do this no less than THREE SEPARATE TIMES??!

hey everyone, i'm tumblr user neutral-emerald here to make good on the idea i vaguely gestured at yesterday and point out silver's wildly inconsistent backstory(s) and then explain to you how this isn't just sega playing hopscotch with the concept of time travel, but actually TOTALLY EXPLAINABLE if you don't mind a whole lot of conjecture and "fuck dude i just think it'd be cool."

LET'S GO.

before i get started, a few things to establish.

first, this is about… half serious, tops. it’s less of a theory and more of an observation of something that’s weird and then throwing some possible explanations at it because i am a massive sucker for time-based nonsense. if you wanna take my observations and build your own conclusions, go for it. i’m not your boss.

second, i'm basing my conclusions off of both the games and the idw comics. the conclusions i draw are applicable to either continuity, but the logic does rest a decent amount on the comics, so just a heads-up in case you were expecting pure game canon from this.

and third, i'm working off like half a brain and very intermittent checks of the wiki and cutscene compilations, so there's probably many things i'm missing! if you notice something i said was wildly off-base, go ahead and correct me in the replies and i'll either edit the post or explain to you just how that detail doesn't actually matter, depending on whether it. y'know. matters.

with that out of the way, let's get into the first topic of discussion!

part 1: the future is inconsistent, y'all

now, i'm not sure if you've heard, but in the year 2006 sonic team released this little indie game creatively entitled Sonic the Hedgehog. it was a smash hit, won countless awards, and for some reason went down in history as a messy, incomplete bugfest. but that's not what matters. what matters is that it introduced Silver the Hedgehog.

silver hails from 200 years in the future. the world is a bleak, fiery place, and has been since the monster iblis was unleashed after princess elise's death. silver was born into this world, which we know since it's literally the first thing he says in his story.

[ID: A cropped line from Silver's story in Sonic 06. "This world was devastated before I was born."]

i'm not going to drag you through a beat-by-beat summary of the entire plot of sonic 06, you should know it already. silver meets mephiles, gets lied to about who caused the apocalypse, mephiles yeets him and blaze into the past, he tries to murder Sonic the Hedgehog™, and so on. eventually he helps kill god, and then sonic and elise travel further back in time to kill god even deader so that none of the game ever happened, and the bad future into which silver was born never happened, thus thoroughly scrubbing silver's existence from the timeline!

...until.

sonic rivals.

i'm not going to speak much on sonic rivals, mostly because i'm not super familiar with it. but what matters is that silver is back! he's still from the future, he's still here to change the past, and most importantly he wasn't deleted from existence by the destruction of solaris, unlike everything else from sonic 06 including everyone's memories of it. and obviously, whatever state his future is in, it's not the same as it was in sonic 06.

now, i don't have a single clue what is going on in rivals 2, so do inform me if there's some big information i'm missing from that one. all i know is he's fixing yet another possible apocalyptic future, like always. correct me if i’m wrong, i don’t have the patience to trawl through it myself.

then we've got sonic colors, in which silver is again from the future. notably, he’s definitely not from an apocalypse!

[ID: Some screenshots from the DS version of Sonic Colors, again cropped to just the text. Tails and Silver are talking to each other.

Tails: What's the future you came from like, Silver? Silver: A lot brighter than this. Silver: The sky is blue, and everybody's got a smile.]

sonic generations doesn't add much. again, correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think we learn anything about what kind of future silver is from, and he's definitely not here to fix it this time. that's sonic's job! he's just hanging out like everyone else.

now, up until this point the future has been reasonably consistent, setting aside my somewhat abstract understanding of the rivals games. there's nothing to say that silver's not coming back in time from the same point in a single timeline, which is the one and only version of the future ever since the destruction of sonic 06.

UNTIL.

[ID: Two panels from the comic Sonic Forces: Stress Test. In the first panel, Silver looks worried as he lands in front of Knuckles, who looks skeptical.

Silver: We've got big trouble! Eggman— Knuckles: How can you be here? I thought you returned to the future?

In the second panel, Knuckles looks away with a self-assured grin, while Silver looks more panicked.

Knuckles: Oh wait— I must be dreaming! Silver: What? No! I've come back with a dire warning from the future!]

i have a lot of issues with sonic forces, especially with how its story is written. something i do NOT take issue with is the supplemental comics, mainly because they are WONDERFUL evidence for my crackpot time travel theory.

like i said, up until this point we don't really know whether silver has been experiencing separate instances of the future, or simply traveling back in time to prevent an also-time-traveling eggman nega from messing things up in the past. but here, we get some very juicy information:

[ID: Knuckles and Silver again. Knuckles has his arms crossed and is looking at Silver, who has a nervous look on his face as he slams a fist on the palm of his other hand.

Knuckles: Come again? Silver: Something happens that brings the world to ruin! But the historical records are sparse or make no sense. I came back to hopefully head off whatever's about to happen and save the future.]

silver travels back in time to prevent a terrible apocalypse. this is not the beautiful future silver came from in sonic colors— but this is the same silver. everyone recognizes him. he recognizes everyone. and yet, the future he came from is different.

part 2: silver is a walking paradox

allow me to remind you of what i pointed out when i was talking about sonic 06. silver was born into the iblis-apocalypse. considering no elaborate timeline nonsense happened to him before the events of the game (by his reckoning) i think we can safely assume he was born like a regular person with parents.

in the first post-06 timeline, silver was probably also born. let's be charitable, acknowledge that sonic team doesn't overthink the butterfly effect like i do, and say that silver was born to the same parents, because the universe likes to keep things nice and simple and contrive itself to make this particular character exist in this time period.

so, it's entirely fair that silver comes to exist in a post-06 timeline at the equivalent point in time, aka 200 years in the future. it's also fair that he travels back in time to prevent some kind of apocalypse, because that's his narrative role! it's what he does. when it's time for him to exist in the story, that's what he's there to do.

what isn't fair is the fact that it keeps happening.

[ID: A panel from the IDW comics. Sonic is stretching his legs while looking faintly exasperated at Silver, who is nervously holding his arm.

Silver: Er… No. I came back because defeating Eggman didn't save the future. Sonic: Couldn't even play along. Had to bring the mood down. Sonic: *sigh* Okay, what happened this time?]

[ID: The following panel, cropped to just Silver's text bubbles narrating over a starry sky.

Silver: When I left, my time had been conquered by the Eggman Empire. Everyone lived in fear, choking on polluted air. Silver: When I went back, the Eggman Empire was gone— but so was everyone else. Silver: There was nothing left. No people, no animals, no machinery. Only water and sparse, metallic plant life.]

allow me to summarize my understanding of all this: silver is from the future. normally, the future is good. sometimes it isn't. when it isn't good, he goes back in time and fixes things, then returns to the future to check if that fixed things.

the least conjecture-y interpretation i can come up with is that sometimes silver will go into the past, then go back to the future but end up in a Bad Timeline and thus go into the past again to fix things. there's no weird warping directly between bad timelines, he only gets there by way of the past.

but that's boring, so here's my PREFERRED interpretation.

silver hails from a good future, but sometimes it just changes. he's unstuck from time— if something weird happens in the past, he's the only one to know that the passage of fate was changed, because he went to bed in one timeline and woke up somewhere categorically worse, and the only way he can fix it is by figuring out just what caused this and going back in time to fix it.

or, to say it in a meme:

[ID: A picture of someone lying in a hospital bed with a nurse standing next to them, edited so that Silver is in the bed.

nurse: sir… you've been asleep for 2 hours silver: oh boy i can't wait to wake up in the same timeline i went to sleep in]

part 3: how did this happen?

it's one thing to point out that silver doesn't experience time like a normal hedgehog, and another thing to explain how and why this happens.

fyi, this is the part where i go wildly off the rails and start saying whatever i want. there's a ton of explanations one could come up with, most probably stemming back to sonic 06. i'm just going to go with my own, and probably not come up with a whole lot of concrete evidence because i'm just spitballing. this is me having a fun time. going "heeheehoohoo time traveling hedgehog go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

so. something i haven't touched upon is that in all games after sonic 06, silver can time travel. we never see him do it, it's never explained how he does it. all we know is that he's doing it under his own power.

which is kinda odd, don't you think? should he be able to do that?

in sonic 06, we see three mechanisms for time travel. first is the chaos emeralds. if two people perform Chaos Control with a chaos emerald apiece, they open up a swirling rift in the air which can send them to different points in time and space. silver can't be doing that, for obvious reasons— he's only one hedgehog, and he's not exactly running around with a chaos emerald at all times. that can't be how he does it.

second is a time machine eggman built. that obviously can't be it; the machine doesn't exist at all after the timeline gets wiped, and again, silver is doing this on his own. he's actively antagonistic towards eggman, even. absolutely not this one.

third and finally is mephiles, who can make big purple orbs to take himself and passengers to different points in time. this obviously can't be it either, for similar reasons to number 2, right? after all, mephiles is one half of solaris, who was destroyed before he could be split off. he doesn't exist to be silver's time-traveling uber driver.

...right?

well, obviously. i'm not going to try and tell you that mephiles is secretly alive and shepherding silver back and forth between timelines for no reason. that's ridiculous. no, i'm going to try and tell you that silver is mephiles.

or rather, he's solaris. or RATHER, he's the new solaris, sorta-ascended to the role of Time God after the old one got blown out like a birthday candle.

like i said, i'm going wildly off the rails and as such don't have any concrete evidence to explain why it's this instead of something else, but hear me out. after elise blew out the flame of hope, the universe was left in an interesting situation. someone needs to be in charge of the flow of time, but the previous time-god was just unceremoniously destroyed. but all the power and energy of a time-god has to go somewhere, in some form, in some time.

with nothing else to go off of, the role of time-god starts flipping through every notable being it had interacted with. they're all solidly accounted for in the timeline, except for one. silver the hedgehog was born into a timeline that cannot exist. silver the hedgehog does not, and cannot exist. silver the hedgehog interacted quite a bit with both sides of solaris— he spent a substantial amount of time fighting back iblis, and associated with mephiles, even being one of the few people to directly experience his time travel abilities. silver the hedgehog tried and failed to absorb iblis into himself.

here's my theory: after sonic 06, the universe reasserted itself such that silver was the new Solaris. silver is not consciously aware that this is what he is, but he knows that he can time travel. sometimes the timeline will rearrange itself around silver. he is unaffected by this because he is a higher being unaffected by such petty trifles as "an origin" or "paradoxes".

silver the hedgehog probably doesn't have parents. he sprang into existence one day and everyone just kind of went with it, himself included.

oh also something i thought was neat but couldn't think of where to put:

[ID: More cropped dialogue, this time from Team Sonic Racing.

Silver: I'm fine. It's just, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain it. I just feel it. Blaze: Have your travels through time given you precognition? Silver: I don't know. Maybe they have. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.]

silver might be becoming psychic in a future-vision kinda way. that, or he’s riddled with anxiety. possibly both.

TL;DR

silver hails from no less than three separate timelines, his existence is a tangled web of who-knows-how-many grandfather paradoxes, and i choose to believe that he's god.

if anyone who cares more about evidence wants to gather up like, little one-off clues that support or conflict with my conclusions, go right ahead. or just throw your own arbitrary headcanons for what's going on with this at me. or incorporate these ideas into an au or something! i just want more people thinking about what the Fuck is up with silver post-06, because by god there is a WHOLE lot of potential packed in there

anyway thanks for reading make sure to like comment and subscribe—

[lochrannn]

@pepperf and I challanged each other to three Whumptober fics. Here’s my first contribution

No. 1 - ALL TRUSSED UP AND STILL NOWHERE TO GO “You have to let go” | barbed wire | bound

Warnings: Canon-typical Violence

Tags: Hurt/Comfort; Canon-Typical Violence; Injury; Implied/Referenced Torture

Relationshipts: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts; Diego Hargreeves/Hargreeves Siblings

Characters: Diego Hargreeves; Lila Pitts; Five Hargreeves; Allison Hargreeve; Klaus Hargreeves; Hargreeves Siblings

Summary: Stuck in an unfamiliar 2019 the Hargreeves have struck an uneasy truce with Reginald and his Sparrows until Diego and Five are summond to the academy to identify an intruder who was captured by their father while looking for them.

They’ve struck an uneasy truce with Reginald and the Sparrows.

It’s caused no small amount of strain amongst the siblings. Fuck, Diego can’t say he’s in anyway pleased about it himself, he was probably the one who argued the hardest against it, but it’s not like he can’t understand Five’s logical pragmatism either.

There is no immediate benefit and only very real danger to fully antagonizing the most powerful group of people in a place where the original six Hargreeves siblings (Diego is confused himself sometimes about how to refer to all of them) have no resources, no allies, and no history to speak of.

They already had a scuffle with the Sparrows when they first arrived, and maybe if they hadn’t been exhausted and confused and completely overwhelmed to see not-Ben in the Sparrow academy uniform they might have had even a sliver of a chance. But as it stood then, they were very quickly overpowered and the only thing that saved them was Five’s ability to compartmentalize.

Somehow Five convinced Reginald to let them leave the mansion. Whether their father genuinely doesn’t think they are a real threat to his world and his timeline is entirely unclear, but Diego and his siblings know that they have been free to move about the city and stay at a motel on the outskirts only because Hargreeves is letting them. If and when he decides that he can’t risk leaving them alone any longer, they will be in real trouble.

They are all sat around the bedroom Allison is sharing with Vanya, arguing over how to continue, Five firm on his stance that his siblings need to sit on their asses until he is done calculating how he can bring them back to their original timeline (nobody wants to say out loud what they all know to be the silent continuation of that phrase - if it even still exists), while Diego thinks Five can juggle his silly little numbers, but in the meantime they should try and establish just exactly how dangerou the Sparrows are and if they should actually take the opportunity they’ve been given to protect the city from their father’s twisted sense of justice.

Allison, unsurprisingly, is with Five, and considering that she has lost the most in their original timeline, Diego can’t actually blame her for it.

To his utter surprise, he thinks Luther might actually be coming around to his point of view. Vanya is trying to find a compromise and though Diego has started appreciating her need for harmony, right now he really wishes she would stay the fuck out of it.

Klaus is sitting by the cracked window, intermittently taking drags of his cigarette and watching the discussion, but clearly uninterested in taking part.

Some part of Diego is worried about him, but he neither knows how to approach Klaus about how he’s feeling, nor does he think he has the time to stop and deal with his brother’s grief. It can wait till later, he tells himself.

“... you imbecile!” Five is shouting at Diego, the two of them squaring off in the middle of the room, Five’s lack of height doing nothing to make him any less ferocious, “If we draw dad’s attention like that he might figure out that we’re trying to restore our own timeline. And I might not know the old man that well, but he’s not an idiot. He wouldn’t risk the possibility that us trying to restore our own timeline could destroy his. He might not have killed us yet, but I have no doubt he will if he thinks we might bring about the end of his world.”

That stops Diego for a moment, he hasn’t thought of the fact that that could be a genuine risk. He doesn’t know how to feel about that, but he catches a glimpse of Allison out of the corner of his eye, the way her eyes are big and bright, her lips pursed, and her arms are crossed so tightly it almost looks like she’s physically trying to hold herself together, and he decides that that is another thing to think about at a later stage, or hopefully never.

Diego is just about to respond to Five when there is a knock outside.

It’s not particularly loud, but it isn’t gentle either and they all freeze and stare at the door.

Then there is a flurry of hand signals going around and it doesn’t seem like they are really communicating anything through them, except that nobody is quite certain what the best course of action is, and in the end Allison, who is the closest to the door, rolls her eyes, untangles herself, and turns around to open the door a crack.

Diego can’t see who it is but he can tell by the way Allison tenses and squares her shoulders, that it’s not a welcome guest. It would have been highly unlikely anyway, it’s not like they know anybody good in this place.

“What do you want?” Allison says. Her tone is cold and razor sharp. She doesn’t need the Rumor to be commanding even when asking a question.

“My father would like to talk to your brothers,” a man’s raspy voice responds.

“Yeah, well, why didn’t your father come here to talk to them, then?” Allison doesn’t budge an inch and continues blocking the door with a foot behind it so it can’t just be shoved open.

“My father is a very busy man, Allison, he doesn’t have the time to trudge all the way out here,” the man on the other side of the door responds, clearly one of the Sparrows, and Diego can see Allison's knuckles go white where she has her hand on the doorframe at the casual use of her name.

“We’re a little busy, too, right now, so if Hargreeves wants to talk to any of us…” Allison begins but then Five interrupts her and calls out from where he’s stood next to Diego in the middle of the room, “Who does he want to talk to?”

There’s a beat in which Allison starts fidgeting by the door, clearly as enraged with her brother now as with the man standing outside the motel room. Then she pushes the door open far enough to reveal a man that Diego recognizes as the Sparrow with the scarred up face, but Allison doesn’t let go of the door, making sure to signal that he is not coming in, even if she’s letting him talk to the rest of the Hargreeves.

“You,” the man says in an even voice, pointing at Five, then shifting his finger just a little to point at Diego next, “and him.”

-

They are greeted in the entrance hall of the Sparrow Academy by a Pogo that looks like the butler/teacher/guardian they grew up with but who has only the slightest hint of recognition in his eyes when he looks at Five, but none whatsoever when he looks at Diego.

He takes them to the elevator that they were never allowed to go near when they were children and presses a combination of buttons that makes the contraption descend.

When they stop and Pogo opens the grate, Diego realizes that at least they haven’t arrived at the floor with an anechoic chamber at the end, but it doesn’t make him feel any less nervous about being in the Academy’s basement. They have nowhere to run.

And the way their father is standing halfway down the hall shrouded in darkened shadows certainly also doesn’t help. On the contrary, it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“At last you’re here,” Reginald says, his voice not particularly loud, but it echoes off the empty walls and is dripping with sarcasm, “I haven’t got all day. Pogo, tell Number Four that I expect him to bring our honoured guests here in the fastest fashion possible, if I ever ask him to retrieve someone again.”

Diego and Five give each other a look and clearly silently agree that apparently they're expected to follow Hargreeves when their not-quite father turns on his heels and starts marching down the hall, Pogo bringing up the rear.

“We have had an intrusion into the Academy last night. But fear not, with only a very small amount of difficulty, we were able to subdue and capture this interloper. However, though we applied our most thorough interrogation methods, we haven’t yet been able to establish her identity,” Reginald declares grandly and Diego feels his blood run cold in horror.

“That being said,” Hargreeves continues, voice still clipped and impassive as he opens a heavy metal door and ushers in Five, Diego, and Pogo, “Before she started putting up a fight, she seemed to be under the impression she might find you here!”

Hargreeves is looking at him expectantly, but Diego is taking no notice of him, because they have walked into a cold, tiled room, with very sparse furniture, at the center of which is a large metal chair.

Handcuffed to the chair’s arms is Lila, looking badly beaten up and possibly unconscious, head lolling on her chest, and Diego can see a white piece of cloth tied as a gag around the back of her head that’s highlighting even more how messy her hair looks.

Diego sees red and three things happen at once.

He wants to call out to her and go to her and get her out of here, but all he manages is to stammer, “Luh-” before the word gets stuck in his throat and as he takes a step towards her, all of a sudden, everything stops.

Irrationally, Diego has the sudden burning urge to suck in a breath, despite the fact that he doesn’t actually need to and also he realizes that even though it feels like even the air around him has gone completely still, he has no actual trouble breathing.

And then he feels the hand grabbing his wrist and when he looks down at it, he sees that Five is holding on to him with fingers that are glowing blue and an expression on his face that is split between concentrated, enraged, and in pain.

“What the fuck?” Diego says, staring around them at the way everything suddenly seems like it’s two dimensional, the complete and utter lack of any movement flattening the world around him weirdly.

“I know you are about to do something really fucking stupid, Diego, but I need you to stop and think for a second,” Five says. He sounds a little out of breath and strained.

“Have you stopped time?” Diego almost shouts, incredulous.

“Yes, but I won’t be able to hold onto this for very long so I need you to understand that there’s nothing we can do to help her right now!”

Five almost tips forward at the force with which Diego pulls his arm free from his grip. He’d like to punch the little twerp for saying something so aggravating, but he already looks like he’s standing on shaky legs, so Diego balls his hands into fists in frustration and stares his oldest brother down.

“Don’t be so dramatic, idiot! We’ll come back for her, okay? But for now, we can’t let dad know that we know who she is or give him any information about her. What do you think he’s going to do if he finds out about the Commission? It’s too dangerous for us. And I presume for Lila, too. So, Diego, I need you to let this go!”

Five barely finishes his sentence when everything starts up again.

It feels like a tidal wave crashes in on him as air begins flowing around him again and low humming noises that he would not have noticed before assault his senses.

His father is saying something but Diego can’t hear what it is because Lila, apparently not unconscious, lifts her head and looks right at him.

Diego’s chest feels like someone has cracked it open and his heart has fallen out.

There are spots of red on the gag in her mouth, and dried blood is running from the corner of her mouth down her chin. Her lip is split but that’s not where the blood is coming from, and the top of one of her cheekbones is bruised red and purple and looks slightly swollen.

He doesn’t quite know how he sees it, because he can’t actually tear his eyes away from hers, but he registers that her knuckles are bloodied and bruised and he can guess that the rest of her body is no better but it’s covered in a long sleeved black top and matching pants. Her feet are bare, though.

Even if he wanted to ignore Five’s instructions, he’s not sure he could make his limbs move to go towards her, rooted to the spot by the intensity of Lila’s eyes on him, as she struggles against the cuffs holding her arms and legs to the chair. Her shouts and screams are muffled by the gag, but Diego still thinks he can hear her calling his name, begging him to help her.

He feels sick.

He is staring at Lila and is willing her to use Five’s powers to teleport out of there. He doesn’t even care if she disappears again, as long as she gets away from these ruthless so-called superheroes and his dangerous father. Diego realizes at that moment that some part of him never actually expected to see her again. He thinks he could live with her disappearing for good this time, if only it means that she’s no longer here, in his psychopathic father’s torture chamber, getting interrogated because she made the mistake to come after him.

“She was quite the handful,” Reginald explains, “it seems she has powers of her own. But I have injected her with a mild sedative of my own design that will continue to suppress her powers until we have decided what to do with her.”

Diego’s eyes flit from his father back to Lila and he can feel his heart simultaneously hammering in his throat and the pit of his stomach. His ears are ringing. And once again he is unable to protect someone who is so important to him, like Eudora, like Mom, and in that moment he can feel his eyes stinging with tears that he has to hold back if they don’t want to tip their father off.

“Well, can’t say I’ve seen this woman before, I wouldn’t know why she was asking for us,” Five says, his tone so casual that Diego would almost believe him if he didn’t know it was a complete lie.

“Diego?” Five turns to him, one eyebrow quirked up in question.

His tongue is sticking to the roof of his mouth and his throat is seizing up completely. And all he can do is watch Lila struggling, stare her down, and try as best as he can to communicate to her that this is not real, that they will come back for her, that he made her a promise of family and that they won’t leave her behind.

“Apparently he doesn’t know who she is either.” Five has gotten impatient next to him, waves a hand in what seems to be half a shrug and also half a non-verbal see? and turns back to Reginald.

“If that’s all, I think we’d best be getting back to our siblings. You understand, we’re still reeling a little from arriving in this very unrecognizable time.”

Five doesn’t wait for an answer, instead he turns around towards the door, grabs Diego by the elbow and the last thing he sees as he’s dragged out towards the elevator by his much smaller brother, is Lila beginning to struggle frantically and his father’s very skeptical look.

For some incomprehensible reason they aren’t stopped from leaving the mansion and they only get to round the first corner before Diego doubles over, hands on his knees, and dry heaves into the gutter.

-

Five wants them to wait another day before they go back to the academy to grab Lila as he expects the Sparrows to be on high alert after their visit today, but Diego explains in no uncertain terms that he is going back tonight, with or without his siblings’ help, and even Allison backs him up when she hears about the obvious signs of torture.

The plan is that Diego, Allison, and Five, the best trained at stealth combat out of all of them, go to the mansion, while Luther, Klaus, and Vanya cause a distraction in a different part of the city, hoping to create at least a small window where some or all of the Sparrows are out of the house.

That actually works significantly better than any of them could have expected. Or Reginald knows they’re coming and doesn’t care, and right now, neither does Diego, because for some reason Five blinks into the mansion and only a minute later blinks back out into the alley that they are hiding in, just about able to support a very unconscious Lila for long enough to set her halfway gently down onto the dirty ground.

Diego is by their side in a flash, hands nervously hovering over her body, eventually deciding on supporting her head and stroking the hair out of her slack face.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What did he do to her?” he’s whispering frantically, not actually expecting an answer, but Five pipes up and says, “Oh yeah, that was me.”

Diego freezes and then slowly turns to look up at his brother, thinking he must have misheard.

“What’d you say?” he asks, deliberately making his question sound as threatening as possible, though Allison’s hand that lands heavily on his shoulder does take a little bit of the wind out of his sails.

“Diego, we have no idea why she came here. For all we know she came to finish the job and kill us all -” Diego opens his mouth to protest, but Five just holds up a hand and maybe because Allison squeezes hers on his shoulder, half in warning and half in support, he lets Five finish.

“I just want to make sure we know what we're dealing with and that we’re properly prepared for whatever that might be.”

Diego can actually see the logic in that, it’s not like he hasn’t got good reasons to distrust Lila, but it still doesn’t sit right with him, not after the promise they all made.

So he huffs in annoyance as he snakes his arms under her knees and shoulders and lifts her up easily, maneuvering her until her head is lying against his shoulder, gentle breath tickling his neck, and he is struck by how quickly he’s forgotten how small and skinny she really is with how energetic and forceful she is when awake.

Diego thinks he doesn’t ever want to see her this vulnerable again, but nevertheless the feel of her body against his is an instant comfort for his nerves that have been pulled taut since he first laid eyes on her this afternoon.

-

Diego is livid with his siblings as he paces the tiny floor space in the motel room.

It’s just him and Klaus and Lila, still unconscious, lying on the bed, both wrists cuffed to the frame.

Five’s idea again. All of the siblings whose powers Lila could use to escape have taken their leave while Klaus has been left in charge of the key to the cuffs, because Diego can apparently not be trusted with them. And Five seems to believe Diego wouldn’t go through Klaus to get to them.

He’s thinking for probably the thirtieth time in about as many minutes that he might just like to prove Five wrong on that one, when Lila begins to stir and mumble incoherently.

Klaus, who’s been doing an impressive job of ignoring Diego’s hyperactive fury, stubs out his cigarette and glides over to the foot of the bed where Diego is standing, frozen to the spot, watching Lila come around.

“You fucker!” she says, finally, when she’s managed to pull herself half upright against the headboard where the cuffs are also attached to the decorative cut-outs in the wood.

Diego stares at her, now completely incapable of saying anything.

“You left me to rot in that fucking torture chamber!” she shouts at him then, thrusting her torso forwards as far as she can go to put more force behind her accusation.

That jolts Diego into action and he tries to rush out an explanation when Klaus just talks over him, and Diego is really beginning to resent that, but his brother seems completely unbothered.

“Are you here to murder us, missy?” Klaus asks in the voice of a not particularly strict school matron.

“I fucking might, now! All that talk about family and then you abandon me to those psychopaths! I know you have daddy issues, but I didn’t know you have no fucking spine when it comes to that monster!” She's jangling the cuffs aggressively and Diego’s stomach twists, both at her words but also at how the cold metal is digging into the already reddened skin at her wrists.

“So you’re not here to kill us?” Klaus tries again and it’s almost like he’s cut Lila’s strings with his perfectly even, practically friendly question.

She falls back against the headboard, turns her head away from them, deflated, and says quietly, “no.”

“You wanna hurt any of us?” Klaus adds.

“Yeah, I really do, but I won’t,” Lila grumbles off to the side, clearly more drained than she first let on.

“Wunderbar!” Klaus exclaims and then tosses the key to the handcuffs up in the air and when Diego manages to catch them, only fumbling a little, because this is not what he expected, Klaus is already halfway to the door.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” he shouts over his shoulder as he leaves and slams the door shut behind him and after all of his angry and frantic struggle to get Lila back to their motel and have her wake up, Diego wishes Klaus hadn’t left.

Because, what’s he supposed to do now?

He’s given a clue when Lila shifts, doesn’t look at him, but the motion makes her cuffs clatter against the bed and Diego decides that whatever else he needs to do, the first thing is to let her out of the handcuffs.

He makes his way around the bed, sits down on the edge and leans over her to unlock the cuffs.

Lila doesn’t look at him, just pulls her arms back down now that she has her full motion and cradles her hands against her chest protectively.

Diego notices that her eyes are shining but she’s not blinking very much, probably holding back tears and now he knows even less what he’s supposed to say.

On instinct he thinks that if he can’t talk about things, maybe there’s at least something more immediate he can fix and he gently pulls her hands away from her to inspect her wrists.

Lila lets him, but still doesn’t really acknowledge him.

The skin there is reddened but doesn’t look raw, so Diego rubs it carefully with his thumbs and when Lila flinches he sets her hands into her lap, just glad that she’s not quite so curled up into herself anymore.

He takes a look at her face, they haven’t yet taken care of the cuts and bruising on her cheek and lip. There’s even still the line of dried blood down the side of her mouth.

Momentarily grateful that that gives him something to do, Diego gets up and swiftly makes his way to the small bathroom. He picks up one of the fresh white towels and runs it under lukewarm water and then grabs their meager first aid supplies on his way back into the room.

When he comes back in, Lila is busy cleaning dirt - probably dried blood - out from under her fingernails, but she looks up at him and while it had bothered him before that she was avoiding his eyes, he now feels like the skin on his entire body is heating up as she won’t look away.

Diego sits back down on the side of the bed and half expects her to take the wetted towel and scrub her face with it herself, but instead she is just waiting, chin tilted up a tiny bit, as if in challenge.

Never one to back down, he nods, not quite sure what he’s agreeing with, and lifts the towel up to her face to gingerly wipe the dried blood off.

“You just left me there!” she says coldly and Diego lets his hand drop again.

“We didn’t have a choice...” That sounds like a feeble excuse even to his own ears and Diego drops his head with a sigh.

“Was that some kind of fucked up retaliation for when I left at the barn?” Lila shoots back immediately, sounding far more angry than before.

“What? No!” Diego’s head snaps up to look at her. She’s baring her teeth furiously, the slight pink blotches from where he wasn’t able to properly clean the blood off her face making her look almost wild, but her eyes are shining brightly again and Diego suddenly feels a lump forming in his throat.

“No, Lila! We couldn’t risk my dad finding out about the Commission, if he thought he could have gotten that kind of information out of you, I can’t think about what he might have done! But I didn’t want to leave you there like that, I swear. I was going to help you! I tried to, but Five stopped me!” He’s desperate to get her to understand that the last thing he wanted to do was abandon her after everything she’s been through.

“Well that would have been pretty stupid!”

Lila’s interjection completely stops him in his tracks and Diego can’t help but stare at her a little dumbfounded.

“What?” he says, looking her dead in the eye, her expression a mixture of annoyance and exasperation, but also softer than before.

“Your idiot hero complex could have fucked us all over, huh?” she adds, and Diego is just about to argue when his protest dies away in his throat as Lila moves to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear and then leaves her hand at the side of his face.

All the tension Diego’s been holding since he first saw Lila tied to that chair, or possibly even earlier, possibly since he saw her disappear out of Sissy’s barn, seeps out of him and he leans heavily against her hand, eyes closing with how drained he suddenly feels.

“You came back for me,” Lila says and Diego doesn’t know how to respond to that other than to cover her hand with his own.

He feels the mattress shift and then without warning her lips press against his and he makes a strangled, involuntary noise at the back of his throat as the intensity of the relief he feels then, for Lila being safe, for her being back with him, is almost painful.

Diego wraps his arms around her and pulls her against himself, deepening their kiss carefully, not wanting to be too forceful considering her injured state, but Lila presses into him hungrily, so Diego tightens his grip on her and very much plans to never let go again.

[eliotquillon]

ok the official c ottomalpense non-spoiler review:

-i think having had so long to stew on it did make me more disappointed than i would’ve been going in after a year or so wait instead. possibly because so many of my long entrenched headcanons got ripped to pieces and i hate being wrong, possibly because all the evidence looked like it was pointing in a different direction, and possibly just because walden changed his mind over the years, i was REALLY blindsided here.

-this has way more of a kids book vibe than aftershock or deadlock. maybe because it’s less introspective and with a less ominous ending (bc it’s the final instalment) but there were way fewer moments where i was like “oh my god ??”. tonally it feels similar to what i remember the overlord protocol being like, and i think the trio of aftershock deadlock bloodline are less cohesive than, say, dreadnought rogue zero hour, in part because of the tonal differences and also bc like i said this went in a very different direction than i was expecting.

-the focus did feel slightly skewed in favour of two/three characters in particular, but again i’m not sure if i just feel like that because i was expecting other characters to get more screentime. overwhelmingly the kids are more centre stage here which again feels like a return to earlier form as opposed to a continuation of deadlock and aftershock. most of the explicit questions regarding the characters bloodline doesn’t focus loads on are answered (even if not in the ways i was personally expecting!) but there definitely some implicit ones left over because there is SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL THE TIME with the main players.

-zero hour has a HEAVY influence on this.

-this book was basically self published and it shows. grammar is messy, people’s names/honorifics get changed, You Will Get Character Ages, And You Will Hate Them. everything i learned about this timeline was against my will. to be honest i was expecting way worse tho so LOL

-however.

-the banter was so good!! it has been so long since we’ve had new shelby content and every time she opened her mouth was iconic. the interactions between the core four in particular are really, really nice.

-i did really like the ending (or the most important parts of it anyway - there are minor details i’ll be cherrypicking but when do i not lol). it’s sweet, deliberately ambiguous in some places, and tbh i don’t see how we could’ve gotten anything much better.

-my beautiful modified timeline has survived relatively unscathed! i was expecting it to get ripped to shreds but beyond a few goofs here and there it has held up.

-everything that happens Makes Sense. i may not like it, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere and for everything i got wrong i got at least something else right. this is not the universe where this book turns canon into a black hole.

-mark walden wasn’t lying when he said sinistre fans would find a lot to like in this book. the content is there and it is GOOD and LOGICAL and one of the highlights of the novel

-i kind of get a spinoff vibe but in a good way? there’s just enough stuff left open ended here for walden to come back to it with hopefully a proper ya trilogy. all this is to say there’s still stuff to play with around the edges of the furan debacle and i appreciate that

-this is quick and fun and it does not pull punches. there’s very little, if any, dead space! this is a Finale.

-overall there is a lot i will be ignoring and changing, but that was always going to happen - and there’s just as much that i will NOT be ignoring lol. i think bloodline as it currently exists is the best we were going to get after 8 years and a publishing schism, and i do think walden cares about his characters. i’m rating it 3/5 so far, and definitely around the middle of the books in terms of ranking

now please let me overthink everything for the next week !

[morkofday]

am gonna be so bold and ask three characters for the meme:

- nam sunho (my country)

- chacha (jatn)

- hei xiazi (because i wanna hear more about this boy)

have fun 💞

wow ok this was such a delight! i’m so happy you ended up asking for three bc this gives me such amazing variety ;; there are so many characters i love and have loved throughout the years and am happy to take this trip down the memory lane~

(placing under a cut obviously bc three characters at once makes this a damn novel. also, a spoiler warning for my country and sand sea!)

Nam Seonho – My Country: The New Age

How I feel about this character

Oh boy. It’s been a hot minute since I watched My Country, as you know. I still remember how I messed up the beginning and actually skipped the whole first episode, so I think I kind of… Didn’t get to see Nam Seonho being more carefree? Yes, I saw them all in the kite flying scene which still breaks me to this day, but I didn’t see him and Hwi being absolute disasters together (in the funny way). So, because of this, I think my first feelings with him were annoyance and maybe even distaste. I am a bit prejudiced like that. Especially when he got compared to someone like Seo Hwi.

Despite my first thoughts about him, Nam Seonho very quickly grew on me. I hated to see him make all those mistakes and bad choices just because he had decided that all the people he loved hating him was easier than letting go of his own wish for revenge. He was a very complicated character because of this, and I very much enjoyed that conflict within him. He tried very hard to be bad and cruel and horrible (and succeeded to some length) but underneath, he was still kind and loving and just so very, very hurt. I understood his wish to avenge his mother. I understood his hate towards his father (as we both did, that man can burn in hell). I understood why he chose to do all those things he did and still wish he didn’t have to. That there had been another way. That he could’ve trusted Hwi and work with him instead of taking this lonely path by himself. But then again, I know they both were fighting against powers that were bigger than them, against powers they wanted to protect the other from, and there were many occasions where they didn’t have any other choice but to take the worst option out of all the bad options available. My Country broke my heart with that and I still can’t be mad at it because it made all those punches so perfectly.  

Simply put: I love him, but I also hate him. I am angry at him for doing all these things, for being so damn selfish, but I understand why. He is good underneath all the bad. He is so broken underneath all that grace. He deserves to think more highly of himself, and I wish he could’ve regarded himself as someone to be loved instead of someone to be left behind. He has done horrible things, some of those for solely his own benefit, but I think he still deserves forgiveness in the end. He is dear to me and watching him grow and get at least some brief glimpses of happiness made my heart swell.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

There is none other than Hwi. I can’t really ship Seonho to anyone else despite the drama trying that very badly. I never felt he would’ve worked with Hui Jae and his thing with Yeon also felt more like a bond between siblings. I also know he had a strong bond with his… second in command? Companion who he saved? Frenemy?? Sungrok but I felt like that didn’t go over there either. And hey, why change something that works? He and Hwi were meant to be, somehow. I can see it as something one sided and painful and breaking and desperate, something fragile that was never made to exist, but I can see it as something reciprocated too, something discovered and learned and gently blooming. They could work either way, either Hwi never learning about Seonho’s deeper feelings and just going away with Hui Jae, or them colliding in the middle of everything and deciding they can’t let go. It’s canon anyway that they were bonded from the beginning. I can’t remember any exact lines from the drama, but they kept saying that they were tied and I think it really works no matter what the feelings between them are.  

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Oh boy. Seonho didn’t really make that many friends throughout the drama because he just kept pushing people away and being a dick, but I did adore how he came to trust and care about Sungrok. They started off as enemies, Sungrok just threatening to kill Seonho any chance he got and Seonho giving back the same amount, but then they just slowly bonded? And Sungrok came to admire Seonho, and then, in the end, sacrificed a lot for him. They worked, and I was happy that Seonho had at least someone by his side. That he allowed that for himself. Also, I just enjoyed some of their banter a lot because Sungrok really gave Seonho some reality checks out there which he needed, that idiot. And the death scene still haunts me to this day, okay. Seonho after such a loss, once again, was just… So horrible to watch. He lost so much and gained so little. It was cruel that he had to lose his only self made friend too.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I have no idea what people think about Nam Seonho in general? I think my love for him is already an unpopular opinion :’D That I’m willing to understand him and forgive him might already feel strange to some. He just… We’ve gone through this, right? I have a type when it comes to characters I love and relate to. It’s angry, annoying, and broken. Nam Seonho is all three and that’s why he just makes my heart ache. He is loved despite his flaws. Hwi cares about him despite all the wrongs he’s done. He is, in some sense, still redeemable and deserving of better things.

I don’t know what else to say about him? There might be more if I remembered more of the drama in general. It’s just been a long while and I’ve basically relieved all of that through fics alone. Which we have too little of. I am so sad. They would deserve many, many words written about them sigh. Maybe one day I could rewatch this heartbreak fest too, right? Would you join me if I did?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

As I said, I don’t really remember all the twists and things that got said or done in that show. I feel like it was very much complete. At least nothing has bothered me enough to remain in my mind. Of course, I wish the ending was different and that they were given proper happiness but I am not mad about that ending. It worked. It was some type of peace for them. Seonho figured out his most important thing in the world, his reason to live at all, and then got to die in Hwi’s arms. I don’t think there’s anything better for him, knowing who he is and what he’s done. I don’t know if either of them could’ve lived on with all the burden they would’ve had to carry after their life choices. So, I very much have to say that there is nothing I would change. Maybe if I rewatched I would think differently but for now, this is all I have.

Zhang Chacha – The Journey Across the Night

How I feel about this character

The first feeling I have for Chacha is happiness. She just made me so deeply happy all the time when I saw her in JAtN, with all of her craziness and flirting and smiles and adorable expressions. She was a delight and I adore her.

Another feeling (or feelings) would be warmth and fondness. She was so very real in that drama. She was very human. I loved how strong she was, how strongly she reacted to everything and how demanding she was with other people. She knew what she deserved from others and treated others the same way she wanted them to treat her. She was complicated but in a very loving way. She made me cry so much. She was so unafraid and so trusting despite getting her trust betrayed. She was so accepting. She was just… Everything. I can’t even give words for how amazing she was.

One strong feeling I have for her is also pride. She has gone through so much, since she was very young, and still, she manages to stand there. Still, she manages to smile and laugh and be very open with people (even if she hides certain parts very carefully). I loved that about her, how there was this balance between things she wished to tell and things she didn’t want to talk about. She had somehow found this perfect line to her intimacy with people. And then it was amazing to follow how she slowly redrew those lines with Shi Cheng and Li Jia. Those two of course had to push a bit, came a bit too close for her comfort, but in the end, she learned to trust them with her secrets. She learned that these people don’t change their opinion of her just because of her mother. It was amazing to follow the main trio’s joined growing process. And Chacha somehow felt like she was the most competent out of all of them, Li Jia probably falling to the bottom instead and Shi Cheng hanging somewhere in between, but it was somehow so comforting to watch her stumble too. To find herself again. To reach outside of the lines she had come to know within her life. (And because of all of this growth, I can’t even put to words how much I love JAtN.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

You pretty much know this already but Li Jia of course. And then Shi Cheng (or A-Cheng I guess?) too because I am still mesmerized with the thought of having them become a trio. They would work so well like that. They balance each other out. They’re such a mess but they ground each other in this messy world. Everything is simple when it’s the three of them and I adore that for them. They would love each other so well. They would be so happy and would continue to grow. Also, I just love it how different Chacha’s relationship with both of the boys is because that leaves such interesting options for their romance.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

To be honest, the main trio falls in here too. I adore them as friends, first and foremost. They just work so well like that! I love how they keep helping each other when it comes to understanding all of them. I love the friendship between A-Cheng and Chacha because they bicker, but they are so supportive of each other too. A-Cheng would fight the whole world for Chacha. Chacha would punch A-Cheng in the face when he needs a reality check. They love Li Jia so fiercely, both of them, and Li Jia loves them back the same amount. It’s wonderful to watch.

Another one is Sharp. Their friendship is just so soft. They have grown up together and Sharp is like an older brother and a dad to Chacha and I love that for them. And then Chacha is this huge support and help to Sharp too, his closest connection amongst people. Chacha is so protective of him. She takes zero shit when it comes to the people she loves because it doesn’t matter to her who they are and how society sees them. And just. I don’t even know what to say about Chacha and Sharp. I loved how they understood each other even without any words and then did all these random things instead. The stairs jumping thing was so amazing and broke me so badly. They showed how deeply certain people can affect who you become in the future. It’s a relationship I wish I had for myself.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Oh no. To be honest, I don’t know if I have anything but love for Chacha. She is one of those very few female characters I actually like. One of the few I can even relate to, on some level. She was well written. She felt consistent and fleshed out. She had complexity and her own character outside of the romance which is usually the part that irks me if it’s not handled well. She was not just “the girl”, she was her own self and had her own story to tell and her own problems and her own flaws and decisions and mind. She was good. I have nothing else to say.  

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

God I can’t say this here because you haven’t finished the drama yet :’D I don’t want to spoil anything. Come ask me about it once you’re finished okay?

Hei Xiazi - Daomu Biji

How I feel about this character

Wow I feel like I come here to dig out my heart to present all these thoughts to you. But I don’t complain. Hei Xiazi, Hei Yanjing, Hei-ye – he’s an enigma, okay. I am not sure how to grasp him. He gives me different feelings in every adaptation where I see him, a little like Pangzi who I talked about while answering the other asks. But for Hei Xiazi, it’s also a bit different? He fits so differently into every story. So let me try to unpack all of that.

In Reboot, Hei Xiazi gets probably the biggest role between all the three adaptations I count him as part of (in Explore With the Note we see him maybe thrice and that doesn’t give much to think about so I exclude that. Though I love it how obviously he flirts with Xiao Hua even there lol). He was this funky secret agent type of guy there. He went to places and did stuff and fought people and maybe exploded something. He had his own romance story going on in that one and it, surprisingly enough, made me emotional. It intrigued me because Hei Xiazi is this deep mystery no one seems to know (not even NPSS probably) and Chuchu was slowly figuring him out? I liked that. I liked seeing that soft side of him and maybe the most serious side we ever get to see of him? It was kind of amusing how lost he was before that young woman.

My second meeting with him was in Sand Sea. I wasn’t that sure about the actor in that one, but he managed to give Hei Xiazi this very… Dramatic feeling? After Reboot’s epicness and somewhat lightness on his part, it was kind of a shock how shabby and gruesome and almost cruel he could be. Sand Sea in general seems to bring out darker sides of all the main characters, so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but that still shocked me. Hei Yanjing being cynical! And snarky! And almost evil! He felt so cold in that one. I started to realize that he also has all these burdens to carry. That he also has pains we don’t know about. That he has all this past hurt we aren’t privy to. It made me want to wiggle my fingers inside the tiny cracks I could see in him (especially through his relationship with Su Wan) and pry him apart. He fascinated me but unfortunately, was left to the shadows at the end.

And then Ultimate Note happened! And I was so cynical about how he looked, how Liu Yuning made him look, that I wasn’t sure how seriously I could take him. I was so prepared to like him less than I had because Reboot’s version still felt like the best one. But, surprise surprise, I came to love him. I adore Liu Yuning’s version of him because he’s just so silly and confident and unapologetic and doesn’t really care what others think about him when he can survive without them anyway. I was a bit horrified with the strong humor aspect they gave him with his money craziness but that also worked in the end? I grew so fond of him. 

So, my feelings for him are a mess and go in many directions but I do like him as a character. I love it that Xiaoge has this other immortal around himself who is so different. I love it that he is a complete mystery (and so I can put my hands on him as I wish). I love it that he’s full of these cracky jokes. I love how cool he is but how he also manages to be the most uncool person out there. Maybe that’s his charm. (All the leather totally isn’t the other charming thing about him, nope.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Oh boy. Like I said, I did enjoy him with Chuchu in Reboot. They worked in some sense, or at least it was kind of interesting to follow their very… random romance? Hei Xiazi really was so lost with her and it was so amusing when usually he’s so sure of himself. It was puppy love and never led anywhere but it was sweet nonetheless. 

But then? After Ultimate Note? Is there anything else but Heihua? Not really. I like those two together because they’re such polar opposites but somehow manage to complete each other. For Hei Xiazi, Xiao Hua is someone who is his match and won’t fall behind no matter where he goes (that is his biggest concern when it comes to Chuchu who is just a normal person and not a tomb robber). Who he can tease without worrying about crossing some type of line. Who understands secrets and not being able to talk about certain things. Who understands death and loss and pain. And for Xiao Hua, Hei Xiazi is someone who will take him as he is. Who doesn’t care that he’s the head of one of the Mystic Nine families. Who allows him to be his cynical and calculative and neat freak self. Who makes him smile. They’re amazing. I hope we can watch Ultimate Note together at some point and you can see them being chaotic gays together :’D

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ah, I feel like Hei Xiazi is very similar to Pangzi when it comes to this too because he just knows everybody. He’s just worked with so many people throughout the years that he has connections everywhere. And I don’t even know how tight those connections are in reality? He feels a bit like a ghost, just drifting in and out of people’s lives. He doesn’t stay. He doesn’t have anything permanent to come back to. He just does his job to whoever is paying him the most and then moves on. It makes me kind of sad but also suits him. 

But from what I’ve seen him now, I have some relationships I love to see him in. The first one is with the Iron Triangle because he feels like this silly uncle, especially to Wu Xie? One more uncle for that boy haha. Then with Pangzi they are really very similar and get along great because of that (Reboot is a delight with this). And with Xiaoge it’s just so funny to see him continue his joking XD He’s the only one who I know can tease Xiaoge and get away with it. They are some type of friends? I’m not sure if they know their relationship even themselves but it warms my heart.

Then there’s him with Su Wan! I was very doubtful about that relationship once I first heard about it. Su Wan is such a soft and gentle and naive boy, I couldn’t imagine him being with someone like Hei Yanjing. But wow, they work so well? Su Wan adores his Hei-ye. He just wants to make his master proud! And even if Hei Xiazi is very annoyed by Su Wan and cynical about him at first, Su Wan really surprises him. He’s very smart and capable and learns quickly. He clicks with Hei Xiazi and somehow ends up honing some of his sharper edges, especially after all the darkness he’s obviously met before the events of Sand Sea (man has been stuck on a desert for ages?? No wonder he’s a bit done with everything). It’s so cool :o Probably the best duo if I consider all the parent/guardian/teacher relationships our boys acquire in Sand Sea (Yang Hao and Huo Daofu are such a shit show and then Li Cu and Wu Xie are just way too questionable and in need of so much therapy oh boy). I love them. I’m so excited to write about them :’D

My unpopular opinion about this character

As always, I have no idea what opinions there are regarding Hei Xiazi. I don’t think I have even given him so much thought that I would be able to give any opinions. I am still just euphoric about the fact that I’ve come to love him. I’m so happy Liu Yuning loves him too. He’s a secret I’m keen on solving. He’s cool. I hope there was more content about him. I am so excited about my standees!!! Sorry, I really don’t have much to say here haha

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

If I could get one thing (because let’s be honest, at this point I would love a whole side series for Hei Yanjing because I am just so intrigued), that would be more of him in Sand Sea. Especially at the end of it? Because after falling for Heihua, I just keep thinking about that brief glance and nod he and Xiao Hua share across their battlefield. They never talk there and I wish they did. I wish I could see that. I wish I could hear Hei Xiazi talking about Xiao Hua’s damn fake funeral with him. They have a bond between them, I wish we could see more of it! But for now, I guess I need to make do with writing that myself hmph

thank you so much for sending me this ask! i’m sorry it took a while to answer but you know me the best so i’m sure you will forgive me. i had fun and i hope you enjoyed reading all of this ^^ ♥ 

[deanieweaniewrites]

A Helping Hand

Rating: E

Tags: Destiel, Wing Kink, Canon fic, Love admissions

Words: 3034

Beta’d by: @alicethrutheburrows

Fic for the PBExchange for @river-bottom-nightmare! I saw Wing fics in your likes and knew I had to write it, wings are my favorite too <3

~~~

Underneath the dim bunker lighting, Dean sits alone at the table, cup of coffee in hand. His back is hunched as he looks over the books of lore strewn about in front of him. It’s inching closer to three am, yet somehow, Dean isn’t tired. The coffee is just a force of habit. Usually, he would be struggling to stay awake at this hour, but tonight is different. Tonight, He’s wide awake. 

Everything is quiet, too quiet. Nothing makes a peep in the empty bunker with Sam and Dean as its only occupants. Castiel is off on one of his angel missions. Dean made sure to text him everyday to make sure he was still alive. The only response he usually got to his question of “are you alive?” was a simple “yes”. 

Dean sips his coffee, and in the silence of the bunker, there’s a noise. It’s a knock on the door. Dean closes the book in front of him and walks up the stairs to the door. He looks through the peephole and spots a very tired looking Castiel. He opens the door for him and tilts his head in confusion. 

“Dude, why didn’t you just fly in? How did you get here?”

Castiel looks around, seemingly relieved to be back in the bunker. “I’ve been walking for two days. It’s a long story.”

The hunter frowns. “What happened to your wings?”

Castiel starts walking down the stairs, ignoring Dean’s question. He’s moving slower than usual, like he’s exhausted. 

Dean follows Castiel, looming over his shoulder like a concerned parent or partner. He follows Castiel all the way back to his room. 

“Are you going to let me rest?”

The door frame props Dean up.. “Not until you tell me what happened. You look like crap, man.”

Castiel sighs, his shoulders slumping lower and making his body curl in on itself. “I said, it’s a long story.”

“I’m listening.”

Castiel stares at Dean, narrowing his eyes for a moment. “Fine. Close the door.”

Dean steps into the room and shuts the door behind himself. He backs up a little when Castiel starts undressing. It’s then that Dean notices just how dirty Castiel’s clothes are. His white shirt is stained a light brown, his trench coat is battered and frayed, and his pants have mud stains on them. Still, seeing Castiel undress makes Dean’s cheeks heat up in a way that makes him question their relationship. He had been having a lot of those moments.  “Why are you taking your clothes off?”

“Just the top half. You’ll see.” Castiel sets his clothes aside until he’s naked from the waist up. He’s dirty under the clothes, and there are a few wounds that were slowly healing.

“Dude, what kind of fight did you get yourself into?”

“A bad one.” There it was, Castiel’s usual sarcastic tone. “They were rogue angels working for hell. I won, but at a cost.”

“The wounds don’t look too bad. You’re healing, right?”

Castiel nods. “I am. Slowly. It’s not my body that was injured, though.”

“Then what was it?” Dean takes a slow step forward. His eyes are trained on Castiel’s chest, and he tries to pull them away. 

Castiel watches Dean for a moment before sighing. He rolls his shoulders, sits up straight, and something makes a noise. 

Dean’s eyes are drawn away from Castiel’s chest to the big, black mass emerging from his back. The mass unfurls into a pair of massive black wings. “Holy shit. How am I seeing those?”

“I can bring them into this plane of existence. I don’t often. I had them out while I was fighting. They had theirs out, so I would have been at a severe disadvantage if I had kept them away.” He looks back over his shoulder at the wings, spreading them a little further. “They got several good hits on me. It’s nothing severe, but my wings are in such a desperate need of grooming from the fight that I can’t fly.”

Dean stares in awe, his jaw dropping slightly. He’s never seen anything like this in his life. In all those years of fighting monsters, demons, and even angels, nothing had shocked him like this. He gets his bearings back and speaks again. “Grooming? What does that mean?”

“Just brushing out all the dead feathers and debris. There’s a lot of debris and they’re just a mess right now. It’s going to take me hours to finish.”

Dean tilts his head and approaches the bed. “Can I help? Seems like you wouldn’t be able to reach most of that,” Dean offers, his mouth moving faster than he’s thinking.

Castiel flinches, much to Dean’s surprise. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the words he needs. “I don’t think you should. My wings are very sensitive.”

“I can be gentle. To be frank, I’d kill to touch those. They’re awesome.” Dean lets out a breathy laugh, his lips curled in a crooked smile. 

Castiel watches Dean, seemingly searching his face for something. “Okay. You can help. Just be very gentle with them.” 

Dean walks around the side of the bed and climbs on behind Castiel, sitting cross-legged behind him. “So, what do I do?”

“Brush your fingers through the feathers, take out any damaged feathers, and pull the debris out. I can feel the sticks and leaves in there.”

Dean looks over the mass of feathers and starts to notice just how out of place everything is. There are dozens of small sticks and leaves poking out, and none of the feathers are uniform. Instead of a row of neatly placed feathers that Dean would imagine on a bird, the feathers are facing every which way like a bad game of fifty-two card pickup. 

He takes one more survey of the wings before slowly reaching out to touch them. But right as he’s about to sink his fingers into the messy plumage, a thought stops him. “This isn’t going to burn my eyes out or anything, right?”

“No, it should be perfectly safe.” Castiel’s voice is a little tight. He sounds nervous.

“Okay. I promise I won’t hurt you, buddy.” With that reassurance given, Dean begins. He plunges his finger into the feathers and slowly drags his hands down. He starts on the left wing, since it looks a little more beat up than the right. 

As his hands move, feathers, sticks, and leaves fall to the bed. Dean feels feathers coming loose and frowns. “You’re losing a lot of feathers, here.”

“That’s to be expected. My wings really aren’t supposed to be in this plane when I fly. Don’t worry about how many I lose, I have plenty.”

Dean nods slowly and continues. His fingertips brush against the slightly rough skin beneath the feathers. On the second pass, he gets to feel just how soft the feathers are. His fingers feel like they’re brushing through smooth silk. The sensation is unlike anything Dean has ever felt. 

The wing under his hands twitches slightly with each pass of his fingers. The feathers along the ridge start to lift off the top, puffing up and flaring out. Dean watches with morbid curiosity, wondering what that could possibly mean. 

Time passes quickly. Dean becomes entranced by the work of grooming Castiel’s wings. By the time he starts on the right wing, his arms are aching. He doesn’t care. The act is calming and it’s all Dean can think about in the moment. The entire world had shrunken down to just that room, where Castiel and Dean sit.  

Dean stops abruptly when he hears a noise. It’s followed by a round of coughs from Castiel. “You alright?”

Castiel rubs a hand over his face, which is still hidden from Dean. “I’m fine. You can keep going.”

Dean pauses, waiting a few seconds before continuing. He wonders if he accidentally pulled a feather too hard, so he decides to be even more gentle. 

The puffed up feathers along the ridge of Castiel’s wing refuse to go down when Dean runs his hand over them. He tries several times before huffing. “These just won’t go back into place.”

“They’re not out of place.” Castiel seems to be having a hard time speaking. “My wings are...reactive to touch.”

Dean raises a brow at that. He scoots to the side and comes up on his knees to peer over Castiel’s wing. He finally gets a good look at his face and what he sees shocks him. Castiel’s entire face is beet red. His bent index finger is between his teeth and his hairline is damp with sweat. He looks like he either just had the workout of his life, or…

Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s and his face gets impossibly redder. He removes his finger from his mouth. “You can leave. I-I’m sorry-”

“Dude, does this turn you on?”

Castiel looks away. “I told you my wings are sensitive.”

“So all the angels in heaven get off while they groom each other?”

Castiel makes a face. “No, of course not. It’s not like this with other angels.” There’s a brief pause. “I’ve only ever had this reaction with you.”

“So why did you expect it? You were nervous before we started, like you knew this would happen.” Dean ducks under Castiel’s wing and moves to sit beside him. 

“Angels do have that reaction, with their mates. The feathers sticking up, it’s part of angel mating. I can’t control it. I knew it would happen with you because,” he sighs, “because of how I feel about you.”

Dean stares at Castiel, searching his face for a lie. He looks sincere, and that’s what scares Dean the most. “You consider me your...mate?”

“Not mate, at least, not yet. Potential mate.”

Dean takes a few seconds to process that information. This all feels very sudden, and not what Dean expected to happen at all. As he thinks about everything, the feelings he had bottled up for years start coming to the surface. All of the staring, the touches, and the longing had built up into something big and terrifying. It’s a pool that Dean stands at the edge of. He knows that if he dives into it, there will be no return. 

Just as Dean is about to say what’s on his mind, the bedroom door opens, and Sam walks in. 

“Hey guys I found a- Holy shit!”

Castiel’s eyes widen and his wings curl up to his body. “Hello, Sam.”

Dean puts his hands over his face. “What did you find?”

Sam stares at Castiel, his jaw dropped. “I found a case but this is way more important. How did you bring those out, Cas?”

“I just can. They needed to be groomed.”

“Groomed?” Sam looks between Castiel and Dean, then back at Castiel. “Can I touch them?”

“No!” Castiel and Dean speak simultaneously. 

Castiel looks at Dean, then back at Sam. “No, I don’t think that would be wise. I can show them to you later.”

Sam narrows his eyes at the pair, then nods. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that, Cas. Have fun with your...grooming.” He backs out of the room and slowly closes the door. 

Dean groans. “I should have known that he was going to barge in.”

“What were you going to say?”

Dean meets Castiel’s gaze again. He swallows. The pool lingering in front of him, inviting him in. He stares into the water, and with a deep breath, he dives in. “Look, I know I’ve always been a little weird around you. We’ve had a strange relationship. We’re friends, but that’s never been enough, has it?” Dean chuckles nervously. “I know how I feel about you. You’re more than a friend to me. I’ve shoved it down for years, but I’ve always known.”

Castiel stares into Dean’s eyes a little too heavily. He glances away to nervously take Dean’s hand. “If we both know how we feel about each other, then what are we waiting for?”

Dean accepts Castiel’s hand, holding it tightly. “I don’t know. I just...I can’t lose you, Cas. I’ve already lost you a few times, and it’s too much. If we do this, I really won’t be able to lose you.”

“In all fairness, I don’t take the best care of myself. With you, I’ll try to change that. You deserve someone who plans on sticking around. You won’t lose me.”

Dean’s eyes flick from Castiel’s eyes to his lips a few times. They inch closer together, hands still holding each other tightly. Dean closes the gap and kisses Castiel, his eyes flickering shut. The moment is made that much sweeter by Castiel’s arms wrapping around him. Something tickles the back of Dean’s neck, and with a small peek, Dean sees Castiel’s wings wrapping around both of them. 

When Dean pulls back from the kiss, they’re enveloped in a feathery cocoon. Dean brushes his fingers over the feathers and smiles softly. “This...This is easier than I thought it would be.”

“What made you think it would be hard?”

“Relationships are hard for me. There’s so much to think about. Even in the beginning, like this, it’s been hard. But, it isn’t now. This is easy. It feels right.”

Castiel smiles softly back. “It does, doesn’t it?” He leans forward and kisses Dean’s cheek. 

Dean runs one hand through the feathers in front of him, eliciting a gasp from Castiel. “You seem more sensitive here.”

“Yes, the front of my wings are much more sensitive than the back.”

Dean hums and moves forwards. He swings a leg over to straddle Castiel’s waist and seats himself comfortably. He reaches forward and plunges his fingers into the feathers. 

Castiel sucks in a breath and bites his lower lip, his head falling back. His wings unwrap from around both of them.

Dean grins and continues his ministrations. He drags his hands through the silky soft feathers, dragging moans from the angel beneath him. He shifts his weight and starts grinding his ass against Castiel. “I’m sure you’re feeling a little pent up from all of this. Why don’t we relieve that?”

Castiel’s eyes open and meet Dean’s. There’s a moment of silence, and then it happens. Castiel grabs Dean by the hips and flips him over onto the bed, hovering over him with his wings spread out behind him. 

Dean stares up at Castiel with wide eyes, heat pooling in his belly from arousal. “Damn, Cas. You like to be in control?”

Castiel nods and straddles Dean’s thighs. “I think so, yes.” He leans down and presses heavy kisses along Dean’s neck. 

Dean reaches down and grabs the hem of his own shirt, pulling it off over his head. This makes Castiel pause to wait for the shirt to be out of the way before diving back in. Dean’s hands move down to grab at Castiel’s belt, unbuckling it and tossing it aside. He makes quick work of the button and zipper of Castiel’s pants, pushing them down as far as he can. 

Castiel sits up a little and grins at the marks he left on Dean’s neck and collarbones. He shifts his legs and slides out of his pants. He grabs Dean’s pants and yanks them down, the sound of seams ripping echoing through the room. 

Dean kicks his pants the rest of the way off and leans up to kiss Castiel again. His hands find the massive black wings and plunge their way into the feathers. Dean is a little less gentle now, but Castiel seems to like it. 

Castiel straddles Dean’s waist and grinds his boxer-clad crotch against Dean’s, creating a delicious friction that draws moans out of both of them. His wings are low, the primary feathers draping over the bedspread. 

Dean uses one hand to stroke the feathers of Castiel’s wing and uses the other to cup the back of his neck. Their foreheads touch and their eyes are closed. The world is small again, reducing down to just the pair of them. 

Dean lets go of the back of Castiel’s neck to reach down between them. He pulls each of their cocks out of their boxers and takes them both into his hand. He strokes them together and the pleasure is heightened. 

Castiel groans. “Dean, I’ve never...This is amazing.”

“I’m right there with you, Cas. I’m almost there.” Dean’s hand tightens unintentionally in Castiel’s feathers and it makes Castiel cry out. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

“No! God, no. Do that again.” Castiel is breathless, rolling his hips into Dean’s hand. His wings are fluttering and puffed up with arousal. 

Dean grabs a fistful of feathers and gently pulls, watching in awe of Castiel. 

Castiel lets out a shout, and light forms behind his eyes. He slaps a hand over Dean’s eyes just in time for the room to glow with a light Dean could still see behind Castiel’s hand. 

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and moans as his own climax overtakes him, flooding his body with warmth. He shudders and takes his hand away, breathing heavily. 

Castiel takes his hand off of Dean’s face and looks into his eyes with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Cas, I’m friggin’ awesome.”

Castiel smiles fondly at Dean. “I could say the same for myself.” He slowly moves off of Dean and lays down beside him. One wing stays straight out behind him, and the other gently covers him and Dean. 

Dean brushes a hand over the feathers again. “So, what now?”

Castiel hums. “I think my grace has decided that you’re my mate, so I suppose that’s where we start.”

“What does that entail?”

“You’re my life partner. Forever. I’ll follow you to heaven when your life on this earth ends, and we’ll spend eternity together.”

Dean finds Castiel’s hand and holds it tightly. “I think that sounds perfect. It’s a little scary, thinking about eternity, but eternity sounds nice when it’s spent with you.”

Castiel leans forward and kisses Dean softly. “I love you.”

Dean swallows down his fear. Those three words used to be his biggest fear, but with Castiel, it feels easy. “I love you too.”