#conversion stuff

[ahavas]

little update! i’ve gone to two new shuls recently and i really enjoy both of them in different ways. shul A is reconstructionist (which i vibe with a lot), doesn’t do any friday night services but saturday morning services every week, i really like the prayer book they use, people are very nice (but admittedly i think i’m the youngest person there - mostly older folks + parents with kids). shul B is rooted in reconstructionism but i think technically nondenominational/very radically progressive (which i also really vibe with), does friday night services and saturday morning services on alternating weeks, i really liked the friday night service i attended (lots of people my age, enjoyed the music/prayers) but saturday morning service was just ok (not bad but didn’t feel totally like my vibe, esp compared to shul A).

right now i’m thinking of attending friday night services at shul B + saturday morning services at shul A on alternating weeks, or whichever i feel like that week! i really really like both rabbis. rabbi B is meeting with me over zoom this coming week just to chat and so i can get to know her better :) and then next shabbos i hope to go back to shul A and maybe ask rabbi A if she’d also meet with me sometime. after that i guess i’ll just keep going to both and wait and see what the vibes are in terms of approaching one or the other to ask officially about the conversion process* 😵‍💫

[*i did do this with a different rabbi at a different shul back in january, the convo went well with him and he seemed very open to meeting with me in the future/sponsoring me taking an intro class that begins in the fall, but he seemed a little more hands-off than i’m looking for….. and then i realized i was looking for something different in a shul/community/rabbi so now i’m where i am now. lol]

[minjimunji]

bi 4 bi percabeth,,,,, 👉👈

[hinamie]

unconditionally

[notbecauseofvictories]

"I am going to get a good grade in ___________, a thing that is both normal to want and possible to achieve" drifts through my brain with positively alarming regularity.

[soldrawss]

I uh, started this as a little wholesome thing but it QUICKLY got out of hand, anyway part 2 here.

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[bunnieswithknives]

In which Dev finally talks about what happened to Peri :3

part (1/2): next

[mieeaahhh]

I think about how much of a yapper Andrew was to literally everyone while on his medication but off his medication he barely speaks at all

[puppyeared]

horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[l3viat8an]

You can never tell Mammon you’re cold because he can’t act fucking normal for five minutes- rather then giving you his jacket he tries to zip you in with him, telling you to put your arms in the sleeves with his and that his body heat will keep you warmer anyway :)

[ahavas]

Last week I made myself a new phone lockscreen with Modeh Ani & the first line of the Shema on it to remind myself to do those prayers first thing in the morning (since, admittedly, the first instinct I have every morning is to look at my phone) — and it’s WORKING ! Only a week in and now my first thought in the morning is “modeh ani!!!”

[fromgoy2joy]

Let's write about Jewish characters in dynamic ways- that make it clear "Yes this is us. Yes, we are living our lives with this happiness and ritual, and we love it. "

Like it's so easy to write about, to have casual observances of Judaism and cultural practices be in the background of stories. I'll write of the few examples I can think of in my frame of reference as a college student-

there's a mezuza in the doorway of a college kid's apartment. Whenever his friends come over, it's a reach for some of them to touch it because both he and the rabbi who installed it are 6 foot three. The others feel like a middle school boy slapping the ceiling as they try and reach for the damn thing.

Characters rush on public transport to get to a rabbi's house on shabbat. The train is due. There's a flurry of regrouping, then trying to call a missing friend to get there, and then the process of methodically hiding Magen davids and jewish objects because getting to shabbat dinner without a situation was an order from college Hillel staff.

A character is half-drunk at 2 AM at the convenience store but has to scan the list of ingredients on their chemically disgusting snack for gelatin.

Said character is prevented by her friends from only sustaining herself on 7/11 slushees "even though it's all kosher!"

There are references to the Purim incident constantly- it is never clarified what happened on Purim.

the hypothetical gang of characters are in the middle of nowhere on a grand magical adventure. The main character notices a mezuza on a door of a cabin, knocks on it, and has an in-depth conversation with the resident. Then, he waves his friends over. "Hey, guys! We have a place to stay tonight!" Because through the magic of Jewish geography, it was discovered that the grumpy old Jewish man in the woods is the grand uncle of one of his Jewish Day school teachers

A character who eats cheesy bacon bagels regularly on passover has a deep respect for jewish ritual items. He kisses the siddurim as they're handed back into a pile, he always kisses his kippah that he wears for ritual purposes of shabbats and minions. He's very careful with these objects and keeps on claiming dropping something He is observant, and he cares so much, but not in the "typical" way. Just... please show the nuance in practice.

The big "going out night" for our fearless college student isn't Friday but saturday night because of shabbat.

The stain on the rabbi's couch is not to be mentioned

A character keeps on mentioning the stain anyway.

Jewish goodbyes after any event take a minimum of two hours and that's why the gang is delayed on their journey to save the world .

I want more representation than characters in novels saying "haha I'm jewish but eat bacon and love Christmas!" in such flat ways. Please feel free to add more hypothetical ways of representation in the comments !!! About or inspired by your own life and experiences ! Let's make this post vibrant!

[piratespencil]

I’m obsessed with the way Laudna says, “Here Ashton, I made you a doll, because you’re a child.” The way those words are so cutting, so derisive.

But then Ashton says, “Thank you. I love it. I’ve never had a doll.” Completely genuine.

And Laudna smiles, and Laudna says, “I love children.”

And even though she was angry, so angry, so angry she thought she might kill Ashton when she saw him. She still made him a doll. And he loves it. And they have such a beautiful conversation.

There’s just something about how that conversation could have been so cold, so angry, but it wasn’t, and I’m obsessed with it.

[crippledasinfuckyou]

sometimes a healthy relationship isn't 50/50 because it can't be, and that's okay.

disabled people who cannot take on an equal portion of the work in a relationship deserve to be loved too, if that's what they want. and as long as their partner is getting the support they need, and is happy to take on that work, then what's the issue? it's nobodys business but your own the way that works in your relationship.

if you or your partner are disabled, and you can't split the work in the relationship 50/50, that's okay. you're not abusive, or a baby, or unloveable because of that. I promise

[veliseraptor]

sometimes fandom seems to struggle with the concept that...people can be kind/"good people" in some situations and very very not kind/not "good people" in others.

I feel like there's this urge to either write off the positive behavior as "fake" or to find a way to ignore/explain away/write out the negative behavior. and I personally find this really really irritating in both directions, actually