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gakkubi · 3 years

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Ame Trio's Personalities: Yahiko

I want to share some thoughts on the Ame Trio/Ame Orphans because I do think they have one of the most complex, interesting and beautiful arcs in the Narutoverse.

I will discuss their personalities and thoughts. This post is about Yahiko, there are also Nagato and Konan.

(1/3): I'll start with Yahiko because he's the one who dies first and influences the others' personalities.

YAHIKO:

Also available in Russian: ссылка на русский перевод

Although Yahiko is arguably the character who appears “less” among the Ame Trio - naturally, for dying first - he takes up significant part of the flashbacks he appears in. Jiraiya, Nagato, Konan; even in Obito’s memory of the Ame Trio - which serve the plot purpose of showing how Obito started manipulating Nagato - he spends most of the flashback interacting with Yahiko. Yahiko was extremely remarkable to all the people who met him, there is no doubt that Kishimoto took every opportunity he had to tell us he was a very important character.

Something I find very interesting about Yahiko is how easily he could be a villain; he has many of the personality traits of of classical villains. This is not accidental - in Chapter 372, when Jiraiya finds and confronts Konan, his memories of the Ame Orphans lead him to believe Yahiko was the one who first turned evil (in their conversation, Konan never clearly explains whose ideology they have embraced; it’s very implied Jiraiya was inclined to believe that was Yahiko).

This is built purposefully to confuse the audience regarding Pain’s identity as the one who possesses the rinnegan is Nagato; one has the “villainous” personality, the other has the power.

Of course, we all know Yahiko is not a villain, even though he could easily be. Yahiko’s most powerful personality trait is his ambition; this trait is the one that will always surpass the others.

Yahiko is a survivor; we are shown repeatedly that he would do just about anything to to keep alive (and Nagato and Konan with him). We are shown some of his big and most drastic actions like stealing, but minor details like cooking, gathering supplies and stabilising a house for him and Konan - taking from the story and Nagato’s conversation with Jiraiya, it’s safe to assume Yahiko was the mastermind behind all the actions that allowed them to survive as children. Yahiko knew they needed power to survive, and we’re shown in the anime their journey to find Jiraiya and how he quickly learned to navigate in the warzone by being able to put himself in the shoes of his “enemies” and think like they did. Yahiko always had an extremely clear sense of what he wants and how to get there.

He is also a natural leader; we can’t say for sure how much of his leadership is actually his nature and how much it comes from needing to step up as the leader of the trio, given how Nagato and Konan have more passive personalities. The fact is, by the time Yahiko dies, he has been acting as a leader for more than half os his life; giving orders and being in control is his comfort zone. He will have control and boss others even if they don’t agree with him, which is clearly stated when he tells Konan he believes Nagato is the one who will bring peace; he put Nagato in that position regardless of Nagato’s opinions - Konan will support Nagato and not him, regardless who she thinks is the “bridge to peace” (Chapter 509).

In that particular flashback of Jiraiya, there are two classically villainous traits shown: the first is anger; it’s implied that Yahiko is a kid full of anger and hate, but in fact, he is a very emotional and sensitive person - in that, he is very similar to Nagato - although unlike him, Yahiko will almost always express his feelings. He’s angry because he’s in pain and won’t conform to his fate as a victim of a poor country. The second one is both his ambition and megalomania: He will change the country, no matter the lenghts he has to go through.

Another strong trait of Yahiko’s thought process is that ends justify the means. This is proven by many of his actions; to survive, he will steal; to defend others, he will put his own life at risk - the ultimate proof of this is sacrificing his life to save Nagato and Konan from Hanzo. They are the ones who must survive no matter what; no matter if he dies. Although the famous “the end justify the means” sentence is usually associated with Machiavellianism, Yahiko doesn’t display the other traits needed such as manipulativeness and indifference to morality to classify him as a machiavellian person.

Yahiko could easily become a “villain”; he has unbreakable ambition and he’s willing to go to extreme lengths to get what he wants regardless of the opinion of those around him. I could easily say just about the very same about Obito, Madara and Orochimaru with a few changes here and there; I could even describe adult Nagato like that.

Seeing this particular scene in Jiraiya's memory, his ambition and anger and a "well-intentioned world-domination" goal are enough to convince the reader to believe Yahiko is Pain, even before seeing his appearance. It's notable that Nagato doesn't reply anything while Yahiko is screaming at him, highlighting his more passive personality.

You, reader, must be rather shocked at what I'm saying, because Yahiko is the only one who was never evil among the three of them; in fact, the others turned evil because of his absence. Yahiko is such a special character because he was all those classically villainous traits, the key to his character lies in why he never turns evil despite all of that.

Ambition is the trait that will rule above all; but his vision comes second in command. We are shown Yahiko is a very sensitive child, he cries a lot, he's easy to anger because he's overwhelmed by the situation he finds himself in. In the same flashback that gives the audience all the reason to believe Yahiko could be Pain, Yahiko himself admits inflicting pain on others wouldn't work as a solution.

The very fact that Yahiko wanted help from the very people who were destroying his country and were directly or indirectly responsible for him being an orphan (that is, foreigners) shows how the end goal was more important to him than the mean of how to get there; Nagato's initial distrust was the feeling most people would have in their situation, which shows another difference between their thought process; Nagato holds grudges (he could accept Jiraiya individually, but not Konoha, and he couldn't ever get over his parents or Yahiko's death) whereas Yahiko doesn't ever let any past event, situation or prejudice come between him and the goal he wants to achieve.

But ambition, vision and idealism (which I have not mentioned yet) are all traits he also shares with villains.

What makes Yahiko different from other villains, especially Nagato, is that he develops an amazing emotional intelligence to deal with the information his sensitivity gathers from the world.

Yahiko was extremely hopeful, positive and emotionally intelligent, all characteristics he shares with other heroes like Naruto. Throughout his life, the "classically villainous" characteristics of his childhood were outgrown by the "classically heroic" traits that gained strength overtime. Yahiko walked away from the evil path he could have easily taken by confronting his "villainous" traits.

It was through the use of emotional intelligence that Yahiko dismantled the initial megalomania and revengfullness he displays in both Jiraiya's and Nagato's childhood flashbacks. It's important to highlight that Yahiko's "Savior Complex" was something that stayed with Nagato long after Yahiko no longer believed only a single powerful person could force peace upon others. Yahiko "grew out" of his childish megalomania - Nagato did the very opposite when absorbing many of Yahiko's characteristics after his death.

His emotional intelligence can be clearly seen in Obito's memories of him in Chapter 607; in that same instance Yahiko was one of the few characters to rule out the idea of the masked man being Madara. Yahiko was not especially powerful or intelligent, so he rellied heavily in taking accurate conclusions from his observations of the world.

Another sign of Yahiko's emotional intelligence is his mirroring of Jiraiya's behavior - although it may be first seen as something done just for comedy, it shows how Yahiko was eager to understand other people - mirroring is a display of empathy. The natural inclination he had to understand other people led Yahiko to develop his peaceful philosophy, and was also used for him to gather allies (as shown in the anime).

It was both his emotional intelligence and his vision that kept him from becoming arrogant (and doing things like stealing Nagato's rinnegan to himself, as Jiraiya considered plausible). Whereas villains will usually harvest power for themselves, Yahiko knew that the key to the success of his plans didn't depend solely on him and his actions. He had to support others and believe in them. Understanding the value in community and extreme loyalty was a value Yahiko and Konan shared - a value Nagato also had, which was eventually displaced by other traits. It's important to note how Nagato and Konan perceive their memories of Yahiko differently; of course their flashbacks serve plot purposes, but they also show completely different aspects of his personality, and these differences in perception reflect the own values of Konan and Nagato.

Although his ambition, energy and protectiveness are displayed in both of their memories, other characteristics vary in intensity.

In Konan's memories, Yahiko is much more kind and calm, happy but also introspective. In her childhood memories, he appears more joyful and carefree - as an adult, it's shown how he is hurt by the war, how understanding has made him kind and and how he wants to protect his comrades both physically and mentally. In Nagato's memories, he appears much more angry and harsh in comparison - the anime even takes an effort to "soften" some of his actions; in the anime Yahiko gives back some of the stealing and also prays for Chibi in his death (instead of just scolding Nagato for crying and mourning as he does in the manga).

I don't know how manga to anime adaptations work but it's possible that, due to the difference in pace between manga and anime, Studio Pierrot realized Yahiko would come across much more "evil" if he wasn't softened - and I like the adaptations because it makes Nagato's memories less different than Konan's; all they did was add moments foreshadowing a much kinder personality Yahiko would display on the chapters later on.

(Edit: I added this image from chapter 509 to better illustrate Yahiko's emotional intelligence using an actual canon moment where Yahiko himself reflects on his past feelings and how they changed as he grew up. I really like this chapter, and I think it's nice how soft and caring Yahiko behaves towards Nagato in Konan's flashbacks, worrying about his injuries and telling that "it's ok" and encouraging him to rest, as opposed to Nagato's own flashbacks that show younger Yahiko screaming and scolding him for behaving like a "crybaby" and "victim" while they were all struggling to survive. I think it's important to consider the scenarios of those flashbacks; Nagato's flashbacks find the characters all recently traumatized, while Konan's find them in a much more stable and safe period of their lives).

Yahiko was the first among the three to understand that the pursuit of "justice" would only result in more conflict as one's noble justice could be seen as mere acts of vengeance by another. All the Ame Orphans knew in their lives was war, suffering and trauma, so the decision to pursue a different path away from violence could only come from a person who could look inside their own heart without the fear of seeing ugly things and confront their feelings.

Yahiko's unshakable hope on his dream of bringing peace was a result of his ambition, his vision and emotional intelligence. His sensitivity led him to become a kind, caring person, who avoided violence as much as he could. We know he was extremely loyal to his ideals, preferring to sacrifice himself and die instead of giving up the peaceful philosophy he had established for the Akatsuki to fight Hanzo. The extreme loyalty and the will to sacrifice anything for that was another trait he shared with Konan.

Although I consider Yahiko's vision to be one of the pillars in his personality, he was also extremely naïve. Yahiko's hopefulness and faith in his dreams and plans were not countered by opposite personality traits like being cynical or hesitant. The first time we see Yahiko being naïve was at the very idea of approaching the Sannin and begging for training, which could have easily ended with them all killed (or, more likely, just ignored). Unfortunately for Yahiko, his biggest flaw was not putting limits to how much he believed his ideals, leading him to fall in a trap he could have easily avoided - I left this trait for last because the anime makes Yahiko's willingness to believe Hanzo a key reason for falling on his trap, even though the manga never shows evidence for that and only implies Yahiko's innocence by Nagato's perception of them being "still children." However, I still think it's fitting for someone who displayed early signs of megalomania to have such naïvety.

Other traits that were not mentioned are less about his ideals and more about his nature; Yahiko is also naturally expansive, friendly and unafraid- these traits help him to become both the trio and Akatsuki's leader. In Chapter 509 Konan mentions he was adored by the rest of the Akatsuki, and it's very implied in the manga (and shown in anime fillers) he lead the Akatsuki with a egalitarian philosophy, not abusing his positon as leader through authority, which is another important trait of his personality; Yahiko may be bossy and unreceptive to challenges on his orders, but he is not comfortable with hierarchy and the idea of some people acting as if they were better than others.

I won't talk much about Yahiko and Konan's romance as I don't believe "being in love" can be a part of someones personality, and I don't believe his decision to kill himself to save her and Nagato was influenced by being in love. His decision to sacrifice himself comes directly from his “ends justifying the means” logic, even if in that particular case the survival of Nagato and Konan is the end which can be justified by the loss of his own life.

I do believe, though, that there are many reasons why they could be attracted to each other and I'll highlight specially their loyalty. Yahiko and Konan are both extremely loyal people; Yahiko is loyal to his ideals, Konan is loyal to what she considers "her own'' - her friends, her people. They are also people who are full of faith in the things they believe in; we are never shown Yahiko having doubts on his plans, as well as we never see Konan ever doubting the capability of the people she supports. People who share such characteristics of loyalty and faith will find great comfort in each other, creating a positive circle of both giving and receiving love and support.

Yahiko's expansive and dominant personality, as well as his positivity and hopefulness contrast immensely with Konan and Nagato's passiveness and melancholy. He is shown to be a person who could deal with his pain and his traumas, and was likely the biggest emotional support of the other two; as he himself said, he had hopes and dreams, his dreams became Nagato and Konan's dreams. His death left an immense void that could not be filled with positive, healthy thoughts and feelings, as Nagato and Konan always relied on his hopeful ideals.

The very traits that could have easily made him a villain are the same ones which lead him to achieve his and the trio's survival. Yahiko's personality exists in a delicate ballance between many "classically villainous" traits and the abundance of other solid "classically heroic" foundations.

By taking a complete look at his character it's easy to understand why his death was something really, near-impossible to recover from given the circumstances, and why the love and respect they felt endured so long after his death.

#yahiko #meta #mymeta #character study #character analysis #analysis #naruto #naruto meta #amegakure

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nitroish · 3 years

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here to scream into ur ask box because i must dump my incredibly self indulgent hcs somewhere. anyway four is a system [similar to did/osdd-1] and legend experiences psychosis and they're peak solidarity. legends not sure if it's caused directly by koholint [i imagine that, with how big a part of the world magic is, there'd be categories for conditions caused by magic factors, mental or physical] or if it was something that was always sorta developing and his brain just decided to latch onto that experience because hey, why the fuck not throw in some flashbacks along with the delusions + hallucinations?? that sounds fun /s! four's...pretty sure it was the sword. what else would it be? people aren't just...yknow, multiple people, right? so it just has to be the sword magic and that's why they're the way they are. yeah. totally. of course. they're just gonna ignore the fact that they really don't feel like anything changed about them and it feels like splitting less broke them apart and more just let them see each other for who they really were and have been all this time. [also note, they can't use the sword at will, there's magical sword bs about it needing to be a genuine important situation in order to "call on its strength" or some shit, and unfortunately it does not count "i want to hug my headmates" as an important situation]

legend was the first out of the group to find out about yknow, four being four. they were really hesitant to tell any of the others [each of them to different extents and for different reasons], mainly because they've had...experiences with people who were not-too-accepting of them, including straight up being told that they belong in an insane asylum [which is a thing you should never tell someone ever]. they chose to tell legend after he'd mentioned and talked about some things [less personal ones because he is not great about personal vulnerability], just sort of mentioning concepts and correcting anyone who made ableist comments [intentionally or not]. he even mentioned that one of his friends is part of a system, which is mainly what made them go "okay yeah, he seems cool and apparently knows terms that seem applicable to us" and eventually led to them telling him [it was vio who did so, as he's the best when it comes to explaining and communicating things. the others are good too, don't get him wrong, but red gets nervous easily, blue is too impulsive, and green is both of those, so he felt the most fitting]. legend was [unsurprisingly] very cool and accepting about the whole thing, promising to not tell the others until the four of them were ready and asking about how he should refer to them. and hylia, the weight that was lifted from their shoulders knowing that there was someone who they could genuinely be themselves around was unlike any relief any of them had felt before.

the group generally saw four as quiet, reserved, but definitely wise and kind. a mysterious teen with a generally calm and collected demeanor. but it became clear how much of a lie that was once they were able to actually express themselves. the amount of chaos that was hidden under the need to seem like a singlet was honestly impressive. they'd often find excuses to hang out alone, and the way he could see the ruse physically drop was...both nice and sad. he was glad they felt comfortable around him, and he was glad to be able to know the real them, as individuals, but at the same time it broke his heart because there was a reason the act was there in the first place, and he hated that they felt the need for that. they eventually mention the way people had acted towards them and legend begins planning a murder.

[maybe im projecting my experiences as part of a system onto four and then making legend (a comfort character who i look up to) be very supportive and proud of them while doing his best to offer comfort because he's dealt with very difficult and stigmatized issues too. what of it.] [also this mostly talked about four but i have thoughts on legend (and even more on four i have a lot of thoughts) also but for now im tired hh]

ANON YOU JUST SENT ME AN ESSAY LENGTH ASK ABOUT FOUR BEING A SYSTEM AND GOOD BYE ITS SO GOOD?? ANON DO TELL MORE??? I ADORE THAT SHIT. god. thats so fucking good. holy shit. i love four so much ESP four as a system. i fucking love all of this and you deserve the best anon, project all u damn want thats EXACTLY what i do with legend most of the time SJGHDF

i hope you rested or are resting well anon <3 i fucking was GIDDY reading this last night but was also very tired and didnt know how to respond cos it was so long but genuinely all of this is really fucking good

#save.#ask #anonymous #thank u sm this was sofucking cool to read #im so honoured u spent that long on sending me an ask and i would genuinely LOVE fuckin hearing more thoughts on this if u r willing #this and ur legend stuff !!!!#legend tag #im sjghdfkg u cant see it but im :')!!!!! /pos #long post #edit: legend w auditory hallucinations is a thing i think abt alot #i mean legend in general i think about alot but kjhfghdfgjfdhgd

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skullsandwineglasses · 3 years

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Remembrance of Things Past - Eps 1-10 Impression/Rant

Not really a first impressions post since there are only 2 episodes left, but as I’m waiting on the last few episodes, I thought I’d rant a bit about the drama here.

First of all, I agree with everything that AvenueX said in her review of the first 6 episodes. Her review is what prompted me to start the drama. I needed a realistic slice of life drama to balance out the idol drama that is You Are My Glory (which I’m also waiting on for new episodes), and ROTP seemed to fit bill. ROTP is just so good.

I binged ROTP in 3 days. It could have been 2 days, but I started it at 2am on a Wednesday night, so I didn’t get very far the first night. Each episode is about 75 minutes long, so almost the equivalent of 2 regular lengthed episodes, but not quite.

I cried during the first two episodes. The character development is just phenomenal. You really feel for Jing Jing’s character even though you’ve only seen her character for an hour. There are little moments throughout the drama that made me tear up too, like when the girls were celebrating Nan Jia jie’s 36th birthday and I got emotional over how close their bond is, or moments when the girls reflected on their aging parents and how we often take our parents for granted.

Plot pacing and structure

The plot is tight and well-paced, and each girl’s storyline is interwoven well. Sometimes they’d cut between simultaneous scenes between the girls to compare and contrast what they’re each going through. For instance, when Xu Yan is having an argument with her boyfriend, the drama will also cut and flip back and forth to Qiao Xi Chen going through problems at her workplace. When Xu Yan makes up with her boyfriend, the drama cuts to QXC and Nan Jia being romantically pursued by Jian Yi Fan and Ou Yang. It’s interesting to see how their lives mirror and differ from each other.

Because the storylines between the girls are so interwoven and keep flipping back and forth between each other, it makes it hard to skip scenes because you can’t just skip an entire segment or else you’ll miss something important in all 3 storylines. I can see that this might be a little annoying if you have a preference for one of the girls and want to skip someone else’s storyline. But I actually like seeing all 3 of their stories play out, so I’m not bothered by it.

Another aspect about the plot’s structure that I appreciate is how they use the mystery behind Jing Jing’s suicide as a throughline for the drama. Up until episode 8ish(?), each episode ends with a question about Jing Jing’s life prior to her suicide and the next episode opens with the girls trying to find an answer or a clue to it. The girls and we the audience learn more and more about Jing Jing with each episode. However, episodes 9 and 10 deviate from the structure a bit and so the drama has recently been less and less focused on Jing Jing’s story, especially after they found out that she had depression. The drama seems to imply that her depression due to the stress of living in Beijing was the main factor that led to her suicide, while the successive unfortunate events that happened on her birthday was the trigger.

Characters

I like all the main characters in the drama, albeit some a little more than others, which I’ll explain. I think the 3 male love interests are a little too perfect though, and so I guess this slice of life drama is actually a little idealistic after all.

Xu Yan - My least favourite of the four girls. She’s materialistic, but not as spoiled as I though she would be. But it does annoy me how she keeps picking fights with Shen Zi Chang, when he’s just trying his best. He’s so tolerant and patient with her. He apologizes, they make up, and then the cycle repeats. It’s just a very unhealthy relationship, and I’m tried of seeing them fight and make up.

EDIT: So, I started writing this review when I had only watched up until episode 9, but now that I’ve finished episode 10, um, wtf?? Xu Yan made a bad choice and got scammed of all her money, her friends try to comfort her, loan her money, and tell her not to repress her emotions like Jing Jing. And then she just lashes out at them saying they have no right to comfort her because they were the ones who caused Jing Jing’s death. Xu Yan starts off blaming QXC for not knowing that Jing Jing had a crush on her boyfriend, and then she blames Nan Jia for being a bad older cousin. She blames both of them for being ignorant of Jing Jing’s depression and only caring about themselves. QXC (rightfully) retorts back than Xu Yan knew all along that Jing Jing had a crush on her boyfriend, and yet Xu Yan never told anyone, so she’s just as guilty as all of them. Honestly, I was sympathetic towards Xu Yan before, but she was just so ungrateful and entitled in that scene. What right does she have pointing fingers and assigning guilt to people? And to weaponize Jing Jing’s death against them? That’s just cruel. The argument between them in that scene at the end of episode 10 just felt so random and out of place. All of a sudden, Xu Yan points out all of these problems she has with QXC and Nan Jia, when all they’ve ever done is pamper her. Also, you can’t blame QXC for dating Lin Rui even if Jing Jing liked him first, and not to mention that QXC wasn’t even aware. QXC might not have even chosen to date Lin Rui if she had known. But it happens all the time between friends where your friend might date someone you like. All’s fair in love and war, and there’s no first come first serve rule when it comes to dating.

Jing Jing - She becomes more complex as you learn more about her. She puts her friends first and is fiercely supportive and protective of them. We get a glimpse of how far she’s willing to go for them she pulls a butcher knife from the kitchen and points it at QXC’s debt collectors in the first episode. Her friends see her as being really open, expressive, and bubbly. She’s the first one they each go to whenever they need help with a problem or want to show off an achievement. But in reality, she’s really secretive. She hides her feelings to keep her friends happy, and when they slowly uncover her secrets, she becomes less and less recognizable to them, as though she’s been living a double life all along.

At the end of episode 10, Jing Jing is described as the “hole in the tree” that everyone goes to to share their secrets, but they forget that she’s also a person with her own secrets to share, and she’s not just a tree hole to serve others. Can we blame the friends for not paying enough attention to Jing Jing and only using her for emotional support? Yes and no. It’s complicated. We should always do more to try to care for others and to be more attentive to them, but at the same time, it’s impossible to completely know a person. I purposely hide parts of my life from my friends because I don’t want them worrying or judging or commenting. So I would never expect them to be able to figure it out, and neither do I want them to figure it out. I think it’s interesting that the drama is exploring the friends’ self-imposed guilt, but I don’t agree that Xu Yan should be the one to point it out them and to be Jing Jing’s spokesperson. Xu Yan positions herself as Jing Jing’s heroic and righteous advocator, when really Xu Yan is the most problematic person out of the three remaining friends.

Also, after seeing how the friends interact, they don’t feel narcissistic. Yes, they each readily vent about their problems to each other, but they also ask about the other person. It’s not one-sided. Xu Yan talks about her problems with her boyfriend, but she also asks and cares about what’s happening in QXC’s life and vice versa. Nan Jia is more mature and is busy with her business, but she always takes the time and effort to help her friends. All of their conversations are reciprocal and they are genuinely interested in each other’s lives. So, I don’t think they have a major communication problem or that they don’t care or that they’re ignorant. Which again, makes Xu Yan’s accusations in episode 10 feel even more unfair.

Ji Nan Jia - Jing Jing’s cousin and also the oldest of the three girls (about a decade older). Sassy, witty, unapologetic, confident. She’s who you’d think of when you imagine a successful, independent, career-driven woman. She’s extremely annoyed by her mother’s nagging to get married. But she herself is trying to figure out whether she actually wants to find someone to settle down with or if she just wants to beat her biological clock and have children while she still can. She’s pursued by Ou Yang, ten years her junior, and he’s absolutely enamoured with her. He seems to be unconditionally in love with her, which is what I meant when I said that the male leads in this drama seem too perfect and idealistic. But I like Ou Yang though. He’s adorable.

Qiao Xi Chen - The main character of the four main characters. Like Nan Jia, she’s also quite sassy. In some ways, she’s like a younger version of Nan Jia. QXC is also very career driven and competitive. She’s confident and believes in her abilities, but she also gets easily overwhelmed and emotional (like when her stress and nervousness prevented her from being able to give her proposal presentation and she ran out of the room. I’ve definitely felt that way before my committee meetings). QXC is a character you can self-insert as because she represents the everyday employee who struggles with the long commute to work and tries to stand out and make a name for herself in the company. QXC is also extremely paranoid, which is understandable when you’re a woman living alone in the city. I know what it’s like to have to briskly walk home late at night and constantly having to look over your shoulder to make sure no one’s following you, or having to check your hotel room before you change, or having to make it seem like you’re not the only one living in your apartment. QXC is smart, logical, helps people when she can, but is also reasonably selfish when she needs to protect herself, like when her co-workers try to take advantage of her or throw her under the bus. She’s a character everyone can relate to.

She and Jian Yi Fan also make such a cute pairing. I love all their interactions. I love how Jian Yi Fan can’t help but smile when he’s with her, but he tries hard to clamp it down. I love how QXC is aware of her own attraction and easily admits to to Xu Yan that she does have feelings for him instead of beating around the bush. And I especially love the awkward but adorable confession scene in episode 8. Such great banter and play on words (”你是什麼意思” “沒意思” “你對我是不是有意思?”). The drama did a great job of depicting the frustration of trying to guess whether someone likes you when they seem to be sending mixed signals. A lot of dramas that don’t focus on romance seem to do a better job of showing romance than idol dramas that focus on nothing but romance. I grew up with TVB dramas, and in most of them, romance is usually secondary to the main plot, but I always loved the romances in those dramas.

Like Ou Yang, JYF is such an idealistic love interest. He’s so supportive of and attentive to QXC. I haven’t watched too many slice of life dramas, but To Dear Myself and My Best Friend’s Story both had flawed (and sometimes even irredeemable) male love interests. This drama’s rose-coloured glasses definitely reduces the amount of performative angst, but it also makes the drama a little less realistic. The men in Jing Jing’s life aren’t villainized either even when you expected them to be sinister. I think the most antagonistic character is Lin Rui, but even he’s made to be sympathetic. In fact, nearly all the characters in the drama are sympathetic characters because many of the choices they made were forced because of the situation they found themselves in, and what they did was an act of self-preservation. And so, you can’t hate them or blame them.

Acting and Dialogue

I mean, what’s there to say? The acting and dialogue just sucks you right in. I love it so much. The characters are so animated and charming because of how well the actors delivered their lines. I’m not a mandarin speaker (I’m a cantonese speaker but learned mandarin afterwards), but even I was able to notice the colloquialism and slangs and idiosyncratic ticks in speech that made the dialogue feel so real and alive. The actors had great comedic timing, and when they cried, you could feel how vulnerable they are.

Lastly, I also like the little “life lessons” they include at the end of the drama where there’d be a voiceover by one of the actresses and they’d muse about life. One of my favourite musings when when they talked about what it means to have a sense of security. For some people, having a sense of security is about having a certain amount of money in your bank account, or having someone waiting for you to come home, but a sense of security isn’t something tangible or physical that you can achieve or possess. It’s a belief. It’s a belief that you’re able to face any problem and that life will go on. It’s a belief that the one that you love will be faithful and supportive. It’s a type of belief that allows you to be confident to face uncertainty. And thus, a sense of security is something that only you can give yourself. I really like that little food for thought because it’s a great reminder to be self-dependent and to not rely on external gratification. Que sera sera. What will be will be. Don’t get too hung over on failure and don’t let stress dominate your life.

Note: Watching this at the same time as You Are My Glory is extremely humbling. YAMG is an idol drama, and so they make the romance look so easy. Heck, idol dramas make being a protagonist easy. The protagonist is destined to stand out from the crowd. It’s easy to be noticed. It’s easy to cause a change in the status quo. But ROTP is a reminder that we’re all practically nobodies in the big city. It feels impossible to make an impression when there are millions of other people living almost the same life as you are. There’s nothing special about you, and it’s hard to find meaning and purpose. Obviously, the drama shows that even when it feels like you’re trying to swim upstream in a big city, we each have a life worth living. We may feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but to our friends and family, we’re their world and they’re ours. I think it was Camus who said that we should find meaning in the face of absurdity. Live in spite of how absurd and meaningless things feels. Anyway, this drama gives you a lot to think about, even though I don’t really like the melodrama they’ve recently added to drag the plot (*cough cough* that explosive argument scene at the end of episode 10 that I keep ranting about). You’d think that a 12-episode drama wouldn’t have filler, and yet here we are.

#我在他乡挺好的 #remembrance of things past #cdrama #zhou yu tong #bai yu fan #cdrama review #jolin jin #ren su xi

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mostgeckcellent · 3 years

Note

I'm here to ask about bibliotherapy!

First of all, I've literally never heard of it, so please feel free to tell me anything about it that you think would be helpful or cool for me to know!

Second of all... the fic writer in me obviously can't help but think about how it might relate to writing fanfiction. I'm not sure how to properly ask my question lol, but I guess I'd just be interested to hear any thoughts you have on a relationship there?

Becky!!! welcome to the Ren Isn't Working on Their Thesis Party!!!

So, I gave a brief overview (brief lol... brief in the context of my thesis is going to be very long indeed) of bibliotherapy in this ask, so I'm not gonna rehash All of it.

Instead, I'm gonna talk more about storytelling, because I think that's what's more relevant to the fic part of this ask. I'm also putting a readmore in now, because I've learned I can talk about this at length.

So, I'm gonna go ALLLLLL the way back into the fundamental theory for a second. Which means we're talking about Terence Deacon.

Human beings are the only species to use language. Now, language and communication are not the same thing. There are a lot of species that use relatively complicated methods of communication, with sounds that mean specific things. There are also species which have been taught to use human language (though there's a lot of debate there as to how much they're really using language, vs how much they've been taught to do a complex series of things in exchange for a reward). The fact is, using language isn't a matter of it just being too complex for other species to have evolved it - it just wasn't advantageous to those animals. Evolving language takes so much evolutionary energy - human infants are helpless for So Long, and so much hinges on their learning language. Here's the biggest difference, though, between how humans use language, and how animals can be taught to use language, whether they understand it fully or not: humans filter absolutely everything through language.

Here's where we get a little existential. Humans are a Language Species. Everything about ourselves is filtered through the lens of language; everything about how we perceive the world is through language. A gorilla can be taught that this word refers to food, or mother. To a human, that simple IS food, that simply IS mother. In that way, we require language in order to grow, as people. We have a lot of trouble conceiving of something we don't have language for.

What came first - humanity or language? Deacon argues you can't have one without the other. Language is fundamental to how we form the Self, and to how we connect to the world.

So, we need language. The way we use language is unique. I've been talking at you for like a hundred words now, when am I going to get to stories?

Well, now. Now is when I'm getting to stories.

Enter Joseph Gold. He says, okay, language is a fundamental, biological behaviour of human beings. Cool - let's take it a step further. It's not just language, it's stories specifically.

Stories are how we organize language. They provide lenses and frames for that language, and for the information contained within.

Now, in my last post I said I could talk about the difference between frames and lenses, but I wouldn't.

Guess what! I'm talking about it now instead. Imagine a picture. Whatever picture you want. Okay, now put it in a frame. It looks different, right? It might cut off something on the edges; it might flatten it better. A fancy frame might make you think about the picture differently than a frame made of popsicle sticks, or a dollar store frame. So, a frame, when we talk about literature, about stories, is the things in and around it that influence interpretation.

Take the frame off your picture, and imagine instead that you're holding a translucent sheet of coloured plastic in front of it instead. You can still see the original picture, but no part of it looks exactly the same; it's colouring directly what you're seeing. There we have the fundamental difference between a lens and a frame; a frame pushes you towards a certain interpretation. A lens changes directly what you see.

Everything has frames and lenses. Some of them are ones we arrive with; some of them are put there by others. Lenses tend to come from us; frames tend to come from other people.

Ren, I hear you say! This still isn't about stories!

I'm getting there.

Basically, every story has frames and lenses. Our lenses are informed by the things we've read before, the things we already believe, the things we've experienced. A hundred people could read the same book, hear the same story, and a hundred people will have taken something completely different and unique away from it, depending on what lens they're bringing to that experience.

And now I think you might see where I'm going with this when it comes to fanfiction!

A lot of research supports the idea that writing about your experiences can help process trauma, IF the person is in a place to be ready to do that. Forcing people to write about things before they want to won't work, just like forcing people to talk about things they're not ready for won't help. In my last post, I talked about how bibliotherapy is about getting you there. Reframing your trauma through a character can help you by proxy reframe it for yourself. It can make it easier to talk about.

Now, I'm not going to argue that writing fanfiction is a form of bibliotherapy. It's not. That doesn't mean it's not valuable! That doesn't mean you're not getting something out of it! It's just not actually a guided therapy, right?

But I think we can look at this theory and take a few things away from it regarding fanfiction.

1. everyone is going to interpret source material differently, they're going to connect to different things in it, and that's natural. We all bring our lenses.

2. writing fanfiction could very easily be a way of connecting with those narratives, and we will always bring something of ourselves into it, as writers. This is good!

3. given our tendency to connect to stories, given that stories are an inherent part of how we organize and take in information, fanfiction is such an intuitive way to grapple with the narrative presented to us via the fiction we consume

There's more, if I think about it. I'm sure it could be a thesis of its own! But those are the first things that come to mind, without really doing an in-depth analysis or taking a long time to think about it, I guess.

So, yeah! bibliotherapy, storytelling, fanfiction - I hope that answered your question! once again this is an absurdly long post.

#bibliotherapy #my thesis #thanks for the ask

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blockai24 · 3 years

Text

Dirty Blonde? Light Brown? Who cares! Dream is bald.

Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof:

1) Dream’s Description of his Hair (or lack thereof)

a) “wAvY LeNgTh” Now I know when a lot of us saw this we all went, “wtf dream, wavy is not a length”. And rightfully so because that is a horrible description. Yet after much thought I came to this realization: What if the reason Dream’s so terrible at describing hair is because he doesn’t have any. Think about it, Dream’s described himself as a ‘logical’ and ‘analytical’ person and yet can’t give an accurate description of his hair? It makes no sense! What makes more sense is that he’s bald and has been so for awhile and hence couldn’t properly remember how to describe his non-existent hair!

b) The freaking hair chart man. We spent ages begging him for a reference for his hair and when he finally does he goes “Yeah it’s like the second-half... around there somewhere yeah” Like what?! It’s your own hair dude just pick the one it’s most similar to! He could have said, “Oh it’s 9A” or “It’s a mix of 8C and 8D” but no he was still vague as usual and couldn’t give ius a clear response. More proof that he simply has no hair to compare the hair chart to and just randomly guessed. (Did he eventually gives a more specific response later? Yes. But it was like a whole day later. Very sus. He could have easily researched hair a lot more during the time to pick out a more accurate guess. He’s still bald.)

2) Lack of Visible Hair in Merch Pictures

We never see his hair. Almost all merch pics either have the whole area cut off or his hood is covering where the ‘hair’ would be. The only times we’ve had ‘hair’ pics would be the infamous pool pic (which is highly contested for whether or not it’s actually Dream) and the one merch pic that showed tiny strands (?) of hair? Honestly the pool picture shouldn’t count as evidence due to how the model is being highly debated and the ‘tiny strands’ picture barely shows any hair. It’s honestly negligible. And you know how science works: That means we should ignore it. Hence, none of his confirmed merch pictures show any hair.

3) Sapnap Dream Mask vs. Dream Dream Mask

Look at the difference. You can very clearly see Sapnap’s hair. You cannot see Dream’s. This is the same mask. Bam! More proof that Dream does not have hair. No it’s not because of the angle and the hood covering his head, idk what you’re talking about. I’m totally not cherrypicking haha

4) Counter: Baby photos, Counter-Counter: Accidentally shaved it off

Some of you may say, “I refuse to believe it! Dream’s childhood photos had hair! So he must have hair now!” Yet hair changes. Dream could have accidentally shaves his hair off. How does one accidentally shave off their entire head, you ask? Well, we can say the same to accidentally shaving off you entire beard! And look what we have here, Sapnap somehow managing to do it. As we know, they’re brothers your honor. Hence, they share the same brand of idiocy. So it’s highly likely that Dream too can shave off an entire section of hair. Like his head. Bald Dream Supremacy.

5) But why lie? Because he loves his fans, that’s why!

As we know, fanartists were behind the general concept of what Dream looks like. They took his pfp and skin and made it into this hot, anime boy with a mask and HAIR. What must have happened is that Dream saw this happening and didn’t have the heart to tell them he was bald. As can be seen when Dream talks about his boundaries when it comes to fanworks or shipping, he says that he’s okay with most things cause it makes his fans happy. Hence, the same can be applied to his hair. If imagining Dream with hair makes his fans happy, who is he to deny them that? He will continue to allow them to do so! Long story short, Dream loves his community so much that he wants them to enjoy their little headcanons, including ones about his hair! :)

6) His blob pfp

Referred to as “my guy” by Dream. The proof was there all along!

His blob pfp is bald, just like Dream himself!

#mcyt #dreamwastaken #dreamblr #SLASH JAYYYYY lmaooooo #this was too much fun to make #i was looking at the hair 'war' earlier and thought hey wouldn't it be funny if dream just ends up bald?#and then my mind kept coming up with 'reasons' and 'evidences' why this was true #and devolved into this monstrosity #as for my own personal opinion on his hair...#tbh NO CLUE #im an asian who grew up in an asian-dominated country and the only hair we knew #was black hair #the first time i met a blonde/brunette person i went into shock cause apparently #their hair changes colors with the seasons???#idk man hair is wack and all i know is that dream's is light-coloured #honestly im just gonna wait for everyone else's evaluations of his hair once he finally face reveals

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a-froger-epic · 4 years

Text

About the Interview

Since I posted the interview with J - a woman who has described herself to me as one of Queen’s first “groupies” - there has naturally been a lot of discussion about the veracity of the interview, the source, and my own motivations in posting it. I fully expected that, and I will say once more that nobody (apart from a small handful of anonymous trolls) has behaved inappropriately in these discussions. I have not received any “hate” because of this. There is no “drama”. Nobody is wrong, or a party-pooper, or attacking me by expressing their doubts. I have seen some awful bile spat at people anonymously recently, and that kind of behaviour has got to stop.

Now, if you don't think I am genuine, there is obviously nothing I can do about that.

However, what I am hoping to do here is add as much transparency as I can in regard to how and why the interview happened, and also share my own full thoughts on it with you.

First things first. No unverified, anonymous source can be seen as definitive proof of anything, ever. That is my stance. I have myself been criticised for so much as suggesting that other anonymous sources tied in with Freddie’s history are not 100% proof of one thing or another. But for me, an anonymous source can never mean more than at best: this seems very likely, but we can’t be 100% certain.

Perhaps I was naive to think that what I considered to be enough of a disclaimer at the beginning of the interview, was enough. My intention was to express that while I, personally, believe J to be a) the person she says she is and b) genuine about what she remembers, that does not mean I believe everything she has told me is fact or happened in that exact way. I thought this was obvious. Perhaps I was unclear, and I apologise for that.

So let me be clear. There is nobody in the world who has perfect, factual recollections of what happened to them almost 50 years ago. Not even J herself claims for one moment that this is the case. She mentions several times that these are old memories from when she was very young, that she indulged in recreational drugs at the time, and that her views - of course - carry a personal bias. All this, I thought, would be enough for readers to know not to take everything they read at face value.

All of the above is why I kept my own thoughts and notes to a minimum within the interview, why I didn’t correct or point out obvious mistakes. I simply assumed that everybody would go away and read the interview against all the sources and information they already have, as I have done myself.

But maybe that was somewhat irresponsible of me, and I should have been the first person to dig into how J’s memories fit in (or don’t) with the information which is already out there, and how to put the two together. While I refrained from sharing all my thoughts alongside the interview (although I have fragmentally done so in response to other people since), others like @quirkysubject (here), @iwilltrytobereasonable (here), @emmaandorlando (here), @sarinataylor and @talkingismylifewrites (here) all had some very good things to say. All of them make excellent points. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND THEM NASTY MESSAGES. I frankly can’t believe I have to say this at all.

I found myself in a difficult position, because as the person who had spoken to J and asked her all these questions, I did not feel as though I could dissect her words as freely as anybody else. She has put a lot of trust in me, and I do not want her to think that I question her honesty and intentions. Because I don’t. If I hadn’t felt as sure as I reasonably can be that she is the person she says she is, and that her story is genuine from her perspective, if I had been in any doubt about that, I would not have made it public.

Here's the thing:

Even if you don't believe J knew the boys, her recollections of the time period alone are still valuable and incredibly interesting, giving us a glimpse of early 1970s London.

But I do believe J. Why?

Before I answer that, let me just say: I fully realise that of course the fact that it was my story J happened across, and me she decided to speak to because of it, makes me more inclined to want to believe her. However, other authors I'm friends with, as well as myself, have received messages from older people several times before. It does trigger nostalgia when a story is very strongly rooted in a time somebody has lived through. There are older people in the fandom. (I recently ran a poll and all age groups were represented even here on Tumblr.)

Now, on to the reasons why my communication with J has felt nothing but authentic to me.

1. She was never in any rush to get in touch with me or relate information to me. It took her a few days to email me after she first spoke to me in the comment section, where I begged her to please get in touch. She then sent me the same email five times, over two days, because she couldn’t quite work my email address out at first.

I ended up asking several questions more than once to get an answer because they were overlooked. The conversation went off on tangents, and we chatted about her weekend at her friend’s house (and I was presented with a beautiful snapshot of the beach), the memory box her daughter made for her, her work and other things. There were stretches of days at a time when J simply didn’t find the time to get back to me. And I may have badgered her with a few too many emails asking her to please remember to answer my questions when she has a moment. In short, it was the opposite of somebody rushing to share their story. I was doing all the rushing. (I realise that I am asking you to take my word for this, but this did not all happen in a vacuum. @plainxte, @quirkysubject, @fingersfallingupwards, @onegoldenglance and @freddieofhearts witnessed the process first-hand, as well as my excitement and some of J’s original emails.)

2. J was very trusting. I know her full name, where she lives and her place of work. She sent me current pictures of herself and her husband unprompted. At no point did she ask me not to reveal her identity, that is a call I made because I did not want to expose her to any possible harassment.

3. There were a few things in her account of what she remembered which were so obviously at odds with what we know to be true - it’s well-known John is a bit taller than Roger, for example, but J remembered him shorter, Queen went to Sydney in ‘85, J remember it as ‘84 - that I couldn’t help but think, if I was somebody who was trying to convince others of a made up story, the first thing I would surely do is make absolutely certain to get the facts which are easily findable right. Instead, J always lead with: this was all a long time ago, I’m sorry, I’m doing my best trying to remember.

I realise that a very clever hoaxer could do all this and convince me. But here the question has to be, to what end? This would be quite an act for someone to arrange, to make it seem quite so naturalistic. Nobody would go through the trouble of doing that for nothing. There’s no monetary gain. Scandal? There is nothing scandalous in the interview. Attention? J is barely an active member of the fandom. She has managed to create a Tumblr though: @since72. There is one post currently.

It also took her a couple of days to get back to me after I posted the interview.

In brief, I have no logical explanation for why somebody would go to these lengths and fool me so cleverly, with such attention to detail, when there seems to be nothing in it for them. Why then did J bother to talk to me at all? What was her motivation? Well, after I thanked her profusely for doing this, she simply said that she felt she owed me as reading my story had brought back so many memories for her.

All of the above is why I strongly feel that J is very much real and genuine. But I completely understand that it all hinges on the fact that in order to believe everything I say is true, you would have to trust me. And I know that as I am just another person on the internet, you have no reason to do that. But I’ll get to me in a moment.

Here are a few more doubts which I have seen come up with regard to J.

Why would she be reading fanfiction about people she knew? That’s weird.

To be perfectly honest, exactly that was my first reaction, too. But then I thought about it and talked to friends about it.

Firstly, J says herself that she was never a close friend. I agree that it would be far weirder to read fanfiction about somebody you knew very well. Having said that, John Deacon’s son has been known to read Queen fanfic about his father (and read it out on his YouTube channel). But I think given that it’s been half a century and J has been watching Queen in the public eye ever since, it isn’t really all that strange to read about fictional versions of them.

Secondly, a friend of mine noticed that it seems as though older people in the fandom find J overall more credible than younger people. I’m 35, and it is true that the older we get, the more we look for the things which remind us of our younger years. There is an urge to remember and re-live. You can trust me on this, or you can ask anyone over the age of 30 or 40. Nostalgia is real, and it only comes to you with age. Why would somebody who had briefly brushed shoulders with people who later became celebrities not take an interest in them later? It seems natural that she would. As J says, she never stopped being a fan of Queen’s music and came across fanfic when she looked up Adam Lambert. Is it really so strange that she would find fanfic about them entertaining? Having given it all this thought, I really don’t think so.

It’s unrealistic that she was so young.

This is something I have to disagree with. Times were different. Pete Townshend entered Ealing Art School at age 16, according to Wikipedia. My mother (currently 62) moved 600km away from home at the age of 15 to study piano at music college. I myself moved out from home at 17 (no tragic reasons whatsoever), but that’s beside the point. I have seen it framed in a way where it was said that “It isn’t realistic that a 16-year-old was hanging out with Queen who were all in their 20s”. I agree, it would be a little strange if the story was that one 16-year-old girl was hanging out with Queen by herself as their good buddy. But that is not the story. (Even though it is well-known that during the 60s and 70s, young teenaged groupies did in fact hang out with rock groups very frequently. Of course, J was not that kind of groupie.) She was simply part of a large circle of friends, by her own admission not a close friend of the band. Personally, I struggle to see how this is unrealistic in any way.

It seems super suspicious that she lost her photos in a flood.

Yes, it does. I agree. J realises that, too.

Like @quirkysubject said in her post, I don’t blame anyone who is too sceptical at this point. But there actually was a pretty bad flood in Australia in 1988.

There are mistakes in J’s story!

Yes, there are! Let me point them out to you. I already mentioned John’s height and Queen being in Australia in ‘85, not ‘84. I also think that her perception that Freddie was taller than Roger in ‘72, but no longer in the 80s, had everything to do with platform shoes. I have to say that I did ask J some questions which I knew were things which are almost impossible to remember about people you weren’t particularly close to. I knew there was no way she would be able to accurately recall their heights, but I still wanted to know what the impression was which she had come away with. I don’t for one moment think she could possibly know why and if Freddie’s nickname was really ‘Freddie Baby’ at EAS well before she went there. But I still wanted to hear what she thought of that. This is why I stated specifically that this entire interview consists of one woman’s subjective opinions and memories. That alone means you can absolutely not take any of it as definitive fact. That just isn’t how memory works.

Kensington Market and the stall:

J’s answers on this one thoroughly confused me. Not only did she say that while she saw Freddie at the market a lot, Roger was hardly ever there, but there was also some Indian man working at the stall during the week (who I don’t think could have been Freddie’s father). She saw Freddie at multiple stalls, a girl named Jill also worked at the stall… and J was under the impression that Roger and Freddie hadn’t even started the stall. None of this made a whole lot of sense to me, until somebody pointed out that the original stall owned by Roger and Freddie must have closed in the second half of 1971. (Sources: Queen in Cornwall & Queen: As it Began)

It is confirmed (same sources as above) that Freddie worked at the market until as late as 1974. I think it is therefore entirely possible that J would have seen him working at Alan’s stall, or helping out at other stalls, and the likelihood that Roger would have come to hang out with him on a weekend is fairly high, in my opinion. Later, reading about Freddie and Roger running a stall, J would have had no reason to think that this wasn’t the same stall she had seen them at. And yes, this is of course only a theory.

The gay pride march:

@rushingheadlong, who has recently done a lot of fantastic research about Tim, confirms that there’s no chance (as far as we know) that Tim could have been at the march. Did any of them really go? Is J misremembering entirely? Could it be that one of them or two of them went, and looking back, J remembers it as all of them (minus John, however) because she was used to mostly seeing them all together? Does she remember them from another protest march and got it mixed up with the gay rights march? I can’t say. The march and who exactly went is a big question mark. Even J herself is only “pretty sure” that they were all there, and I have to say, I can’t tell you who was where exactly when I think back to when I was 16. Certainly not when there was a big group of people around. And that was only 20 years ago for me.

Lastly, I’m going to try and use the guide our awesome local historian @emmaandorlando provided on how to analyse new sources. Of course, I’m not a historian (and I’m also partly the source by being the interviewer, so I can perhaps only do this impertectly), but let’s give it a go.

1. Who wrote this document?

‘Written historical records were created by individuals in a specific historical setting for a particular purpose. Until you know who created the document you have read, you cannot know why it was created or what meanings its author intended to impart by creating it’.

In this case, the answer is two-fold because essentially I wrote the interview, in as far as that I asked the questions, I gave it shape and presented it in the form in which it came, but the answers are J’s. I completely understand that this is already a big stumbling block for many, because not only am I presenting her as an anonymous source, but many of you don’t know anything about me. If you follow me on Tumblr, you will know that I have shared more with the internet than is probably wise. But still, I am somebody you know little about, presenting to you a person you know even less about. Whether you trust me or not is entirely down to your own judgement and instinct, and that will be different for everybody.

(I’ve seen it said that I’m plugging my own work through this interview. If that was my plan, I’m afraid it’s failed miserably. I looked, and DoA has gained a whopping 2 or 3 kudos.)

2. Who is the intended audience?

‘The relationship between author and audience is one of the most basic elements of communication and one that will tell you much about the purpose of the document. Think of the difference between the audience for a novel and that for a diary, or for a law and for a secret treaty. Knowing the audience allows you to begin to ask important questions, such as; “Should I believe what I am being told?”’

The intended audience is the Queen fandom on Tumblr and AO3. I have no interest in sharing this anywhere else because I’m not familiar with the other fan communities (Facebook? Instagram?) and wouldn’t know how to go about it. For J, the intended audience was mostly me, an author she likes who was very interested in her memories.

3. Why was this document written?

‘Everything is written for a reason. Understanding the purpose of a historical document is critical to analysing the strategies that the author employs within it. A document intended to convince will employ logic; a document intended to entertain will employ fancy; a document attempting to motivate will employ emotional appeals. In order to find these strategies, you must know what purpose the document was intended to serve.’

I got really, really excited. That is the reason. When J got in touch with me, I had a decision to make. I could ask her all the questions I wanted privately and share her answers only with my "inner circle” of fandom friends, or I could share everything with the fandom spaces where I’ve been very active in the last two years. I wanted to share the excitement and decided to do the latter.

I also wanted to present the interview in a way where it would be an engaging, well-structured read and not simply all of her emails to me dumped here with a quick ‘there you go’. So I tried to wrap it in a beautiful “package”, which is why I asked her for her art, for example.

4. What type of document is this?

‘The form of a document is vital to its purpose. The form or genre in which a document appears is always carefully chosen. Genre contains its own conventions, which fulfil the expectations of author and audience.’

An interview, written by somebody who has never interviewed anyone before.

5. Can I believe this document?

‘To be successful, a document designed to persuade, to recount events, or to motivate people to action must be believable to its audience. For the critical historical reader, it is that very believability that must be examined. Every author has a point of view, and exposing the assumptions of the document is an essential task for the reader.

You must treat all claims sceptically (even while admiring audacity, rhetorical tricks, and clever comparisons). One question you certainly want to ask is, “is this a likely story?” Testing the credibility of a document means looking at it from the other side.’

This is for all of you to decide for yourselves, and that was always the case. Far be it from me to be upset with anyone who straight up doesn’t believe a word I say, doesn’t believe J is real or any other scepticism. I’ll say it again, DO NOT harass anyone for expressing their opinions on this! It is NOT WRONG to discuss a new source! It’s wonderful that people are doing it!

And so, we come to that last question: Is this a likely story?

Personally, I can firmly answer that with: Yes. In my personal opinion, it is. I find J’s story very likely and there is close to nothing that makes me question that these are indeed her real memories. But given the nature of human memory, they are just as imperfect as anybody else’s and do not, and should not, supersede any factual, verified information we already have.

With that, I hope to have provided a bit more clarity and transparency, and leave you - as before - to make up your own minds.

#the interview #my thoughts #others have had their say so here is mine #in detail #long post

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howtowhumpyourhiccup · 4 years

Note

Could you elaborate more on your Dark!Hiccup AU? I really like it so far

@evilwriter37 @jettara @we-becca89

Oofs, I wasn’t expecting such a reception to this idea and I know it's been a couple of days, but I'll try to explain what I was thinking when I thought of this dark-but-not-really!Hiccup concept.

So I’ve mentioned that this Hiccup is basically the same as canon movie Hiccup. He's still Berk's hero and dragon expert, he's still on the side of what he feels is good and right. He still helps people and rescues dragons everywhere.

There are just a few key differences here and there that make him a tad bit darker than what canon Hiccup is actually like.

1. love is conditional.

This is immediately a big difference compared to canon!Hiccup because he feels like he believes in the existence of unconditional love. So that's a difference with this version of Dark!Hiccup. Or like, Greyish!Hiccup, if you will.

One of the things that he’s been lead to believe growing up is that love is good and nice to have and give, but that it’s very much a thing based on conditions. At least when it comes to humans due to him first needing to fit in or have his unconventional ways be perceived as useful before he received any sort of acceptance.

In this AU, he doesn't come home to Berk after the Red Death with the belief "I'm finally accepted for who I am", but more with "I'm finally useful as I am." Which are two very different mindsets. One is definitely healthier than the other.

The latter has lead him to believe that his dad’s love for him, his Riders’ love for him, and even Astrid’s love for him will fade the second he’s out of this perceived grace and can’t fulfill this role of hero they’ve put him in after the defeat of the Red Death.

He doesn't know that this isn't true and that they do love him to death and beyond. And that while his love for them is still that strong as well. This is actually a mindset that makes how much he loves them hurtful to him in a way because of this perceived belief that they don't feel as strongly for him.

This is also true when he's together with Astrid. He loves her, enjoys his time with her "while he still can". It's a very stressful existence. (Or the OT6 if you prefer. ;D)

This excludes the dragons, especially Toothless, as they didn't need him to prove himself as worthy first. He just needed to not kill or hurt them, which is really the bare minimum.

2. He's kind of two-faced.

The usually cheery and overly enthusiastic Hiccup that the Dragon Riders know and love isn't quite as real as they think. He's kind of two-faced on that matter, acting a certain way and hiding behind a façade of naivety. You can't tell that he's always overthinking most things if he doesn't look like it. Works great on enemies, too, who often take him at face value at first before he and the Dragon Riders show them what they are really like.

In reality, Greyish!Hiccup is quite aloof and keeps to himself more, quite introverted. Being around the Riders is quite draining, though he hides this as well as he can.

Which, again, doesn't mean he doesn't truly appreciate and love his Riders. He just really feels like he needs to keep up this act and be this persona.

3. Hiding secrets and is actually good at lying.

This is also where I kinda want to fit my "Hiccup's right leg was also severely burned" headcanon into. So I'm going to use that as an example.

Basically, the idea I had was that only Stoick, Gothi, and Gobber know that both of Hiccup's legs were in bad shape with one ending up partially amputated.

Hiccup, believing that "love is conditional" thing, keeps the bad shape of his right leg to himself and keeps that he's keeping it to himself to himself. Gothi has no reason to talk about possible issues with his scars with anyone other than Hiccup. And Gobber doesn't exactly regularly bring them up in conversation either, so it works. And with the limp from his left leg, it's easier to write off issues with his right leg as "oof, just my stump acting up again, you guys!"

Basically, he keeps things about himself secret that he thinks others, not even his friends, don't need to know. Anything that he fears may make him seem weak in the eyes of his village.

He's also a fairly good liar and this is where the "kinda two-faced" part comes in again. Because the Riders and the people of Berk are of the opinion that Hiccup's a bad liar. They just don't know that's a specially crafted lie, too.

4. Kind of a hypocrite.

Still kind and compassionate, however, he insists that his loved ones come to him for stuff no matter how small, including when he finds out the Riders are hiding injuries from him like during RttE. Which is hypocritical of him since he's been hiding things such as a terribly burned leg from them for 3 years already at that point.

And he's still all "feelings are important" while either completely disregarding his own or hiding them.

4. Get them before they get you.

Something he's actually learned from Viggo. He believes Berk will one day turn on him like they have when he was very little and like they have turned on Toothless and the other dragons a few times because of the word and manipulation of one old and bitter man.

This Hiccup takes a little more to Viggo. He still doesn't like Viggo, but he does take his lessons to heart in a different way than canon!Hiccup does. When Viggo teaches him to be a few steps ahead of his foe, Hiccup decides to be a few steps ahead of Berk.

He knows the dragons, save for the few who's bond is strong with their human, will leave Berk if he and Toothless were to ever leave permanently.

Or he rides his hopes on this, at least. He'll play the roles Berk wants him to, he'll be their hero, the one who fixes things, and then one day he'll be their chief for however long that will last. But if Berk ever turns on him again, he plans on leaving and taking the dragons, and all the advantages that comes with having them around, with him.

He's certain that day will come and he’s put a fail-safe in place in case that happens. But until then, he does enjoy the pleasures of living in a human community.

5. Doesn't mind hurting people.

He doesn't prefer it either, but if he has to get his hands dirty, he’s more likely to do it than canon!Hiccup. He's more subtle about it from ages 15-20, but when he has to take over from his father as chief, that becomes just a bit more obvious because he feels like it's more necessary then.

6. Holds grudges more easily.

He's not as easy to forgive. When Alvin "makes up" with Stoick, he doesn't trust him and that brings their truce in danger when he becomes chief. When Dagur switches sides, it's Toothless who convinces him to give him a second chance, but the trust doesn't take a mere few weeks or months to come.

He's not as easy to forgive and betrayal makes it worse.

7. Everything is a ploy.

Whether he realizes it himself or not, at some point, everything revolves around a ploy of some kind. Whether it's which side of his personality he chooses to show, the secrets he keeps, the lies he spreads, at some point, everything comes down to a ploy. And it's purely because he feels like it's necessary.

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Long story short, basically just canon Hiccup, except he's a little more hurt and more calculated then he is in canon. It’s a very exhausting existence and in the end it hurts him more than it actually helps.

And boy, won’t the Riders be hurt when they eventually find out.

I got that sorta figured out, too. Hiccup basically gets himself in trouble by stepping into a relationship that eventually becomes physical. Which means it’s only a matter of time until the burn scars the other person (or people) had no idea about are eventually revealed.

Sorry for the long wait for my reply and for the length of my reply.

#long post #asks #anonymous #au #whump au #alternate universe #hiccup haddock #greyish!hiccup au

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Text

Little Accidents, Big Developments

Chapter 6: Change

[This is an age regression story]

Chapter Summary: Logan secretly loves cuddles, Virgil learns some changes can be good, and Patton feels left out.

Chapter word count: 10,000

Other chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / bonus

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

Content warning: This chapter heavily features a diaper change - just as with the bath scene in chapter four, any nudity is neither graphic nor sexualised.

oOo

Admittedly, it took Logan a moment or so to acknowledge that Virgil had, in fact, agreed with their suggestion. For all of Logan’s nervousness and suspicion that the conversation would end less than pleasantly, Virgil’s courage had surpassed Logan’s expectations.

That Virgil trusted his caregivers enough to share such sensitive information with them about his insecurities and, yet more impressive, had agreed to challenge those insecurities with their help? It was nothing short of astounding.

Over the regressor’s head, Patton’s eyes glistened with pride looking at their baby. Logan was certain the very same look was reflected in his own eyes.

‘What a brave baby!’ he found himself gushing, smiling down at the boy in front of him.

Virgil’s hand came up to hide his lips behind his thumb so Logan could not catch his small smile. Though he could still see how Virgil’s eyes positively beamed with joy at the praise.

‘And a cute one at that!’ Patton tagged on and curled his hand around to poke Virgil’s nose with practised precision.

If Logan was not certain of Virgil’s fall into his regressed headspace before, he definitely was now. It never failed to amaze him how such simple gestures from Patton could cause Virgil to melt into a figurative puddle so effortlessly.

It was fair to say that Logan had been sufficiently surprised in the past few moments, though nothing could have compared to what happened next. It was subtle, not worth noting to most people, perhaps. Though, for Logan, it was groundbreaking.

Virgil scrunched his nose (which was a customary reaction to one of Patton’s nose boops), blushed (customary), giggled (customary), and fell forwards, burying his forehead against Logan’s chest. (Unprecedented.)

They had, of course, been physically affectionate in recent weeks. Logan often had an arm around Virgil’s shoulders or a hand on his back and on more than one occasion had found himself with a lapful of the boy. Though what was so remarkable about this moment, in particular, was not necessarily that Virgil was seeking comfort in Logan, but rather that he had not sought it in Patton.

It was perfectly obvious that given the choice Virgil would always gravitate towards Patton’s embrace above anyone else’s. Logan knew the reason behind it, of course; Patton was the first person who had knowingly been around Virgil while he was regressed, and so Virgil had become attached to him in a way that resembled imprinting in new-borns. That and the moral side was the professed Cuddle-Monster of the mindscape and had mastered the art of physical affection. (Logan knew first-hand how Patton’s touch could be grounding and yet spellbinding all at once.) So logic was perfectly sound whenever Virgil snuggled up to his papa, his back turned against Logan.

Despite that observation, an unpleasant feeling had awakened within Logan each and every time Virgil inevitably made his choice between the two caregivers. Logan had never even dared to expect a resolution to his confessed jealousy.

Though here they sat, where Virgil had, for the first time ever, willingly forgone Patton’s embrace in favour of Logan’s.

Watching Patton for any sign of jealousy or bitterness (which were not found), Logan brought his hand up to cup the crown of Virgil’s head protectively. ‘Very cute,’ he whispered.

His eyes fell down and noticed that Virgil’s hand was flush with his chin, the thumb completely hidden away in his lips.

Logan tutted gently. Still keeping his hold on Virgil’s head, his free hand reached into his pants pocket. He revealed one of Virgil’s pacifiers. (He had kept it on hand, anticipating that Virgil would possibly regress after the distressing conversation.) Patton’s hand hovered in midair ready to accept it, and Logan flipped off the protective casing with his thumb and passed the pacifier into Patton’s waiting fingers. It was a fluid movement, the caregivers both being so used to this routine.

‘My, my, isn’t this a pretty paci?’ Patton claimed loudly. He held the pacifier at arm’s length in front of Virgil, angling it so that the light bounced off of the glittery purple plastic.

Virgil’s head turned on Logan’s chest to see what Patton was talking about, and right on cue, he gasped around his thumb.

‘I might just have to keep it for myself,’ Patton said casually as he openly admired the soother.

As expected, a small whine escaped Virgil and he pulled his thumb out from his mouth to make grabby hands at the pacifier, which was just out of his reach.

‘Oh, did you want it, baby?’

Logan felt Virgil nod quickly against his chest.

‘Aw, all right. I can’t say no to that face,’ Patton smiled, bringing the teat to Virgil’s lips and letting it slip between them easily. ‘Do you want paci smooches, my sweet little stormcloud?’

Again, Virgil’s head nodded enthusiastically against Logan’s sternum.

Logan tried to keep the bubble of anticipation swelling inside him in check. It was always so invigorating to watch such endearing acts between Virgil and Patton. If Logan were prone to melodrama, he would be tempted to call it a serotonin overdose.

Patton slid off of the couch to kneel on the carpet directly in front of them, a wide smile plastered across his face. He so clearly adored being a caregiver. His hands gently cupped Virgil’s cheeks as he leaned forward to press several pecks onto the centrepiece of the pacifier.

Tiny squeals came from the boy in his lap while Logan’s heart swelled at the adorable display.

Patton giggled at the giddy reaction. He trailed the kisses up to the tip of Virgil’s nose, then to his brow, his forehead… and then he paused, his lips having risen enough above Virgil’s head to now be mere centimetres from Logan’s.

Traitorously, Logan’s eyes fixed instinctively upon Patton’s lips - which then pulled into a smile.

Logan felt his cheeks warm, inexplicably enjoying the sensation.

‘Later?’ he suggested with a smirk that he hoped rivalled Patton’s.

Those pink lips were pulled between white teeth and their owner nodded. ‘Later.’

As Patton pulled back to stand himself up, Logan realised that at some point Virgil’s head had dropped back onto his shoulder. The regressor had also shuffled closer, his legs now folded up and leaning against Logan’s arm.

‘Sweetie, Papa is gonna go and get some things ready for you,’ Patton said softly and stroked his fingers through Virgil’s bangs. The younger side hummed. ‘Do you think you can stay here with Mama for a little bit?’

Logan was fully prepared for the suggestion to be met with fear and hesitance. He certainly hadn’t expected the small nod of agreement that came from Virgil. As it turned out, not much that had happened that day had been very predictable.

Through a firm nod at Patton, Logan hoped he could communicate that the moral side should not stick around long enough to see if Virgil would change his mind. To his credit, Patton seemed to understand.

‘All right, you two. I’ll be back before you know it!’ Patton practically skipped to the living room door.

Logan felt a sudden shift in his arms as Virgil quickly raised his head.

‘Wuvoo!’ Virgil called out hastily.

‘Love you more, cutie pie!’ Patton yelled back from the hallway.

Logan brought a hand up to card through Virgil’s hair. The boy was clearly anxious about being apart from Patton despite his agreement to it.

With a little sigh, Virgil’s head dropped once more to Logan’s shoulder and he wriggled on the couch.

Logan guessed that Virgil was attempting to move closer to him, though the task was physically impossible in their current position given how Virgil’s body was already completely pressed against Logan’s side.

Acknowledging that Virgil likely needed more physical contact to calm his nerves, Logan carefully wrapped his arms around Virgil’s back and under his knees then lifted the boy onto his lap.

‘Is that better, Virgil?’ he asked quite hesitantly. Hopefully, he had not made an incorrect assumption. Virgil had been in his lap before, of course, though Logan had never been the one to initiate the contact.

A sleepy hum floated into the air and Virgil’s nose was pressed into his shirt. Gentle puffs of breath lightly warmed Logan’s skin.

‘I’ll take that as a yes,’ Logan whispered, not wanting to disturb the calm that had settled over the room.

Virgil’s legs were still curled up to his chest, his body folded into a tight ball. Logan could not resist the urge to circle his arms all the way around him and cradle the bundle in his lap. He rocked them both gently to and fro.

Logan could feel that his own heart rate slowed as the moments went by and knew that it was a result of the high level of oxytocin that was most certainly circling through his veins. He also knew that the wide smile on his face would likely have been called “dopey” if Roman were present.

After a minute or so of the serene atmosphere, Virgil suddenly stiffened as if having noticed something then whimpered and gripped at Logan’s shirt.

‘Where Papa?’ he mumbled through the pacifier.

‘Do you not remember?’ Logan prompted softly.

There was no response forthcoming. Virgil must have been truly deep in his regression.

‘Papa went to get some things ready for you. I promise he will be back soon.’

‘Thoon?’ Virgil squeaked, clutching the material of Logan’s shirt tighter.

‘Yes, sweetheart,’ Logan murmured, surprised by the ease with which the term of endearment had rolled off of his tongue, ‘very soon.’

The word “soon” seemed too abstract to offer Virgil much comfort and he started to squirm slightly, though not enough to disturb the embrace at all. Being held was evidently not enough to entirely circumvent his separation anxiety.

‘I know. Let’s see how many seconds it takes for Papa to get back.’ Logan squeezed his arms gently around Virgil, hoping it offered comfort. ‘Shall we count together, Vee?’

At the energetic nod on his chest, Logan smiled. Virgil was never in an old enough headspace to actually be able to count with him, though he always opted for the inclusive phrasing nonetheless.

‘All right, are you ready? One, two, three, four, five -’

Logan continued on in a soft tone, the climbing numbers soon resembling more of a monotonous hum.

Counting aloud to Virgil was a tactic Logan had picked up to soothe the younger side’s anxiety. He himself had always found lists to be comforting, and the chronology of numbers was a truly endless list. He assumed that in Virgil’s case, the fact that Logan always counted aloud to even out Virgil’s breathing in the midst of an anxiety attack had created a sort of Pavlovian response in the boy; counting during a panic attack would amount to even breathing, which naturally soothed Virgil, and so Logan repeating the method outside of distressing circumstances tended to have a learned response of eliciting calm.

As the numbers rose higher, Virgil sunk further into Logan’s embrace and into relaxation. By the time Logan had reached the 240s and could hear Patton’s returning footsteps in the hallway, Virgil was a dead weight against him. The logical side suspected he may have fallen into a slumber, though he didn’t dare look down to check. He was worried that he would jostle the boy and risk shocking him out of his peaceful state.

When Patton shuffled back into the room quietly and looked at the pair on the couch, he instantly clapped his hands over his mouth. Logan strongly suspected the twinkles in his eyes to be unshed tears of happiness

‘Oh my goodness,’ Patton whispered into his palms. ‘I think he’s asleep, Lo.’

‘I suspected as much,’ Logan said plainly but felt the corner of his lips twitch up.

The small smile dropped from his face when he saw Patton bring out his cellphone.

‘Patton,’ Logan groaned quietly, his cheeks flushing.

He was not entirely fond of being photographed. The ordeal was fairly awkward. Was he meant to look at the camera or not? Should he pretend not to notice it and school his expression or react in some way? Logan had never had to worry much about it in the past, though recently Patton had become something of a photography enthusiast. His new hobby coincided quite directly with when they had begun to integrate the boys’ littlespaces into their family dynamic, which was unsurprising.

‘Oh, hush,’ Patton whispered with a bright smile, pulling the phone up to point at him. ‘You know you love it really.’

It was a half-truth, Logan supposed. He certainly did not like the process of being photographed. Though, the pictures Patton would send to him at the end of each day spent looking after their littles were some of Logan’s most cherished possessions, even if they were only pixels on a screen. The digital images of his family smiling together always offered Logan immense joy and motivation in rare moments of dejection.

‘You’re going to surpass your data storage limit at this rate,’ Logan mumbled, though he was sure it was obvious that his protest was insincere.

Patton frowned lightly as his finger tapped his phone screen, the camera shutter sound effect ringing out loudly. ‘I literally have no idea what you just said.’ The shutter clicked again.

Logan turned his gaze down to look at Virgil. The move was mostly since he felt uncomfortable looking at the camera, though he couldn’t deny that the sight he was met with was nearly addictive; Virgil curled up in his lap, his pacifier bobbing lightly in his mouth and his dark eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks.

With a slight pause, Logan acknowledged that Virgil was blinking awake, probably having heard Patton’s camera.

‘Hello, honey bunny,’ Patton cooed, pocketing his phone. ‘Did you and Mama have a nice cuddle?’

Virgil’s face pulled up from Logan’s chest. (A small chuckle escaped Logan at the fabric crease line that indented Virgil’s rosy cheek.) He blinked slowly for a couple of seconds then looked over at Patton and nodded.

Patton smiled and shuffled over to them on the carpet, holding his hands out to Virgil. ‘Papa’s gonna take you to get changed now. Say bye-bye to Mama.’

Logan barely had a chance to recognise the ounce of disappointment in his chest before Virgil was whining and burying his face against Logan’s neck.

With wide eyes, Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil tightly. ‘Virgil, what’s the matter?’

‘Mama,’ Virgil mumbled sadly.

‘You don’t wanna leave Mama?’ Patton asked, sounding surprised.

A verbal response was not necessary as the squeeze of Virgil’s arms around his torso was all the answer Logan needed.

His disappointment was drowned out by elation.

‘Would you like me to come with you and Papa?’

Virgil’s hair tickled his neck with a nod.

With lips that trembled with the effort not to break into a wide grin, Logan kissed Virgil’s head softly. What a big difference such a small decision on Virgil’s part had made. Logan felt his doubts about being an effective caregiver trickle away at the confirmation that Virgil truly did want him around. He allowed himself to smile openly into Virgil’s hair. God, it felt good to be wanted.

‘Come on, sweetheart,’ Logan murmured under his breath. He secured his arms tightly around Virgil then carefully rose from the couch, lifting him in a bridal carry.

He had hoped the term of endearment was uttered quietly enough to evade Patton’s sensitive hearing, though the high-pitched squeal of affection that assaulted his ears was hardly reassuring on that front.

Once Logan had stood (surprised by how easy it was to keep a secure hold on Virgil; the boy was lighter than Logan had anticipated), Virgil whimpered faintly and wriggled, supposedly uncomfortable with being carried.

‘Okay, Vee, one second.’ Logan cautiously lowered Virgil back to the ground, though kept a steadying arm around his shoulders. ‘There we are.’

Patton reached out to comb Virgil’s bangs back, then smiled at Logan and quickly turned to lead them out of the room.

By the time they had made it to Virgil’s bedroom, Patton was practically prancing. ‘Oh, this is gonna be so much fun!’ he gushed as he opened the door and stepped into the bedroom.

Logan led Virgil in and shut the door behind him, noticing that Patton had set up quite thoroughly. As well as a selection of Virgil’s designated regression clothes laid out on the bed, there was also a large bath towel covering half of it. On top of the towel sat a bottle of baby powder, a tube of diaper cream, and a stack of four diapers, all adorning different patterns. Logan was glad that Patton had gone for a varied selection of the different styles they had purchased for Virgil. Having a certain degree of choice in the matter would hopefully give Virgil more of a sense of control over the situation.

By Virgil’s unchanged posture, Logan could tell that he had not noticed the diapers, and was unsure whether to be grateful for it or not.

‘Okay, sweetie,’ Patton said cheerily, ‘let’s show Mama how we get ready for baby time! Do you remember what we do first?’

Logan looked down to where Virgil clung to his side. The boy used his free hand to point at his eyes.

‘That’s right, we take off your makeup don’t we?’ Patton ran his thumb over Virgil’s cheek with a loving smile. ‘I’m gonna go and get your makeup wipes. It will only take a moment. Papa's not going anywhere, I promise, baby!’

It was clear Patton was making a point to reassure Virgil as he had probably been distressed in the past when Patton walked away. Though, Logan could only think it seemed superfluous as Virgil hardly reacted when Patton moved to the dresser. His only response was to lean more heavily against Logan.

‘Let’s sit down while Papa does that,’ Logan offered, feeling that Virgil was unstable on his feet as usual. He guided Virgil to the bed and sat himself down on the edge of the mattress before gently pulling the regressor into his lap.

Virgil instantly curled up against his chest and sighed in content.

With a makeup wipe in hand, Patton turned back to them. Logan caught a vague glimpse of him faltering in his steps, though it hardly lasted more than a second so he thought it was not worth mentioning.

‘You’re very brave today, aren’t you sweetheart?’ Patton murmured softly as he kneeled in front of them on the carpet. There was an incongruous lull to his tone. It almost sounded like disappointment.

Logan’s pondering on the possible source of this strange melancholy was interrupted by Patton’s loud stage-whisper:

‘Vee, I think Mama secretly loves cuddles.’

A noise of indignance left Logan’s lips. What a presumptive statement!

‘Excuse me, I most certainly -’

The look of surprised delight with which Virgil hit him halted Logan’s excuse. How could he possibly be expected to figuratively shoot him down? Plus, lying would only garner unnecessary attention from Janus.

‘I… am merely not immune to Virgil’s expertise in cuddling,’ Logan admitted finally, tightening his arms around the regressor. A happy hum came from the boy as he dropped his head back to Logan’s chest.

Patton giggled quietly. ‘Come on, baby. Look at Papa.’

Virgil’s head lifted again and Patton reached forward to swipe across Virgil’s closed eyes gently, gradually removing the dark makeup from his face.

In a way that Logan had not anticipated and did not fully understand, he felt he was being granted access to a moment that spanned beyond the surface reality of what was happening before his eyes. It was a simple task, the remnants of eye shadow and eyeliner being stripped from Virgil’s skin. Though something in the way Virgil’s body melted into Logan’s and the adoring, near-hypnotised look in Patton’s eyes told Logan that this was not merely an often-repeated chore; perhaps a better word to describe it would be ritual. There seemed to be a silent exchange of emotion between the Papa and his baby. Logan felt quite entranced by the show of love and trust between two of the three people for whom he cared most in the world.

Feeling lulled into an intensely relaxed state, Logan rested his chin delicately on Virgil’s head. He was careful not to put any weight on Virgil given how unstable his balance and strength were.

‘Such a good boy!’ Patton praised as he threw the dirtied makeup wipe into the wastebasket by Virgil’s desk. ‘Can you show Mama your lovely, clean face?’

Logan’s chinrest moved slightly and he raised his head to look down at the shyness in Virgil’s eyes looking up at him.

‘You’re a very sweet baby, behaving so well for your Papa,’ Logan whispered with a small smile. His thumb brushed over Virgil’s dewy cheek. When it pulled away, it left a light blush in its wake.

‘Alrighty, next step!’ Patton announced quite suddenly.

Virgil quickly looked over to him and pointed at his own chest quite proudly.

There was the slightest hesitation when Patton smiled softly and said, ‘Yes, normally we take off your clothes next, don’t we, baby? But this time we’re gonna do something a little bit new.’

A muffled whimper sounded in Logan’s ears and Virgil tensed up so quickly that Logan had to tighten his embrace to stop him from tumbling off of his lap.

‘It’s okay, sweetheart.’ Patton spoke incredibly gently and leaned down to cup Virgil’s cheeks as he explained, ‘it’s nothing scary. We just need you to choose a diaper to wear today.’ Patton pointed to the stack of folded diapers at the end of the bed.

Logan watched Virgil’s eyes follow Patton’s pointer finger and cloud over with nervousness when they settled on the diapers. He was evidently overwhelmed.

‘How about we just cuddle for a while and have a little think about it, Virgil?’ Logan suggested.

At Virgil’s fervent nod, Logan manoeuvred him to sit sideways in his lap to face the diapers. He rocked the boy gently.

‘Oh, um, yeah. Of course,’ Patton murmured, settling quietly onto the edge of the mattress a little ways away from the other two.

Once Logan felt the tension leave Virgil’s body, he spent a couple more moments simply holding him before he made a hum of intrigue.

‘Oh, I like the pattern on that one,’ he muttered, pretending to have only just noticed the diapers. With one arm keeping a firm hold on Virgil, Logan reached forward to grab the diaper on the top of the pile.

He pulled it back towards himself and turned it over in his hands, making sure it was held in Virgil’s line of sight to display the pink, yellow and blue alphabet block pattern.

‘And it feels very nice too.’ Logan ran his fingers lightly over the material and inched it closer to Virgil.

As Logan had hoped, Virgil hesitantly reached a single finger out to run over the diaper much the same as Logan’s had. It appeared his curiosity had superseded his anxiety.

‘Thof,’ Virgil whispered through his pacifier. The delicate sound almost shocked Logan as the boy had mostly been non-verbal since regressing earlier.

Logan was thankful that his triumphant smile was hidden behind Virgil’s head. ‘It is soft, isn’t it?’

‘I think I prefer the colours on this one,’ Patton announced, reaching out to take the next diaper. He had apparently caught onto Logan’s tactic with the way his lips trembled like they always did when he was trying to contain a mischievous smile. Logan’s chest practically ached with affection for him.

The second diaper - which was adorned with unicorns and rainbows - let out a loud rustling crinkle sound as Patton twisted it slightly in his hands. The moral side gasped quietly (though the sound was still clearly exaggerated for Virgil’s benefit) and looked at Virgil with an excited smile.

‘Ooh, I really like that sound!’ He squeezed the diaper again to elicit the crinkling once more.

Logan felt Virgil sit more upright in his lap.

‘Do you like it too, baby?’

The first diaper made a muted echo of the sound as Virgil tried to squeeze it himself. Then his head collapsed back onto Logan and his nose buried against his chest. A little nod told Logan that Virgil was not upset but merely shy about this admission.

Wanting to chase away Virgil’s timidity quickly, Logan reached for another diaper and dropped it directly into Virgil’s lap.

‘Oh my, look at that pretty colour!’ he exclaimed, knowing Virgil would not be able to resist his curiosity.

Supported by Logan’s steadying hands, Virgil’s body twisted away from his torso to look at the new diaper, which was a deep purple. His hands stroked over it without hesitation this time.

‘Burble?’ Virgil squeaked in surprise.

‘Yes, your favourite colour.’

The diaper was then pulled up to Virgil’s chest where the regressor hugged it protectively. Logan’s own arms squeezed and pulled Virgil closer against his chest in much the same manner.

‘Baby, look at this one!’ Patton called joyfully.

Logan felt Virgil bounce slightly in his lap as he craned his neck to better see the last diaper that Patton now held out towards him.

‘Can you tell me and Mama what animal this is?’ Patton pointed to one of the many animal characters on the diaper.

‘Biwaf!’ Virgil cried in a rare moment of excitement.

Patton positively beamed. ‘Yes, clever baby. It’s a giraffe!’

Happy that they had taken the path of a fun, educational activity, Logan eagerly pointed to another character. ‘What about this one, Vee?’

After a moment of silence, Virgil whined slightly and looked up at him for help.

Logan felt immense pride in being seen as a source of knowledge. ‘Can you remember what animal King Louie is in The Jungle Book?’ he prompted.

A tiny gasp met his ears as Virgil looked back down at the diaper and whispered, ‘Bawanganan.’

Laughter strained at Logan’s throat, but he pressed his lips into a firm line and swallowed it down. No matter how utterly endearing that was, he could not allow himself to laugh lest it upset Virgil. Logan was perfectly practised in concealing outbursts of emotion, it should have been easy enough for him.

However, he failed to take into account Patton’s quivering smile which always made it so much harder to remain stoic.

‘C-can you say that again, honey?’ Patton asked, his voice trembling with concealed giggles. It was at this point that Logan knew he would not be able to last. Patton was so close to cracking himself, and his laughter was just too contagious.

And then Virgil spoke again, attempting to repeat what was likely a far too complex word for his headspace. ‘Amagabab?’

Surprisingly, Logan broke first. Deep, endless chuckles poured from his mouth and within a mere second, Patton’s joined in. Logan kept a firm hold around Virgil as his body shook with his laughter.

‘Wong?’ Virgil’s whimper cut through them and Logan promptly swallowed the rest of his mirth, not wanting Virgil to feel as if they were laughing at him.

‘No, sweetheart,’ Logan tried to say softly, though one final choked chuckle broke through the last word. ‘It is an orangutan, you’re right,’ he said much more calmly through an aching smile.

‘Aren’t you just the smartest little baby?’ Patton cooed, reaching out to pinch Virgil’s cheek.

Virgil giggled and scrunched his shoulders up. At a loud crinkle, Logan noted that the boy was still cuddling the purple diaper to his chest.

‘Do you have a favourite diaper you want to wear, sweetie pie?’ Patton asked, smiling knowingly.

Without responding, Virgil’s cheeks went a bit pink and he pulled the diaper further up to his chin as if wanting to hide behind it.

‘I think he does,’ Logan teased gently, poking the purple material in Virgil’s hands. He suddenly found himself with an embarrassed baby hiding against his neck.

Taking a moment to share an amused glance with Patton, Logan witnessed the smile on Patton’s face slowly fade

‘Do… you want Mama to undress you this time, honey?’ Patton asked quietly, avoiding Logan’s gaze.

It only took a slight stiffness in Virgil’s shoulders to convince Logan to make an excuse.

‘That’s all right,’ he quickly interjected. ‘I will just observe this time.’

He had not wanted Virgil to feel pressured to try too much change too fast and was glad to feel Virgil relax again in his arms.

‘Okay then!’ Patton bounced off of the mattress and took the diaper from Virgil’s hands with a bright smile, placing it on the mattress. ‘Let’s get those big clothes off, my little Stormcloud.’

A whine of protest sounded out as they both gently pried Virgil off of Logan’s lap and sat him on the bed beside him.

‘We cannot get you changed in my lap, Virgil,’ Logan murmured, feeling ridiculous for the internal ache at no longer having the child in his arms.

‘Up, up,’ Patton said as he tugged on Virgil’s wrists to get his arms above his head. He pulled Virgil’s hoodie and top off with slight wriggling defiance from the regressor. Once the clothes were flung off from Virgil’s arms and onto the floor, he crossed his arms tightly. Patton shook his head and smiled. ‘Uh oh, have we got a fussy baby?’

From the way his pacifier pushed forward slightly, Logan knew Virgil was pouting.

‘Do you know what the cure is for pouty little ones?’ Patton wriggled his fingers in midair in front of Virgil’s face and the boy’s cheeks immediately stretched in a wide smile.

Logan’s own teeth bared in a grin when Patton’s fingers pounced on Virgil and started skittering over his bare ribs. A high-pitched squeal rang around the room as Virgil curled forward, hugging his stomach.

‘Who’s a ticklish baby?’ Patton cooed, still teasing Virgil’s skin with his fingertips.

‘Well, this is just too precious,’ Logan murmured in disbelief, watching Virgil wriggle on the mattress and smile so much that he was surprised the boy’s pacifier hadn’t fallen out.

‘Oh, it’s about to get a whole lot precious-er!’ There was an impish glint in Patton’s eyes.

Virgil’s huffs of laughter were muffled and intermitted by little squeaks. He was clearly trying to hold them in.

‘Tickle, tickle, tickle,’ Patton teased in a sing-song, ‘I’m gonna find my baby’s… giggle!’

At the last word, Patton’s fingers suddenly shot down to squiggle at Virgil’s belly. As if it had triggered a switch, Virgil fell backwards onto the part of the mattress that was covered by the bath towel and his little laughing snuffles were replaced by loud, melodic giggles.

Logan could not tear his gaze away from the sheer happiness on Virgil’s face. The sound of his laughter was joyful, babyish and utterly adorable.

Without even having to think about it, his hand was softly cupping Virgil’s cheek.

‘Aha, success!’ Patton cried triumphantly. Logan noted out of the corner of his eye that he was leaning down to collect the diaper products. With a rush of pride, Logan realised Patton had planned the ticklish interlude perfectly to avoid exacerbating Virgil’s anxiety about the diaper change. How ingenious!

‘You need baby giggles before you change your baby,’ Patton said quite seriously. ‘It’s baby law.’

Logan chuckled at the way Virgil rolled his head on the bed and looked to him with wide eyes, clearly seeking his confirmation. ‘I do believe I read that somewhere, yes.’

‘Okay, I think we’re ready,’ Patton muttered.

The slight nervousness to his tone would have been undetectable to Virgil, though Logan heard it loud and clear. He could not deny there might have been some relevance to it. It was all very well Virgil agreeing to wear a diaper, though Logan doubted in his current headspace that the regressor would have considered the fact that it involved Patton actually changing him into one, which was an unavoidably invasive task. Given what Logan had heard of Virgil’s reaction when Patton first started bathing him, he was not oblivious enough to think that this would go entirely smoothly.

‘Your papa is going to change you now,’ Logan said, smiling reassuringly at the nervous look that snapped onto him. ‘Would you like me to leave?’

Virgil whimpered and quickly shuffled over on the bed to hide his face against Logan’s hip. Not for the first time that day, and what Logan was beginning to think would not be the last, he felt his heart practically burst at Virgil’s sudden attachment to him.

‘All right, little one. I don’t have to go,’ he murmured, stroking his hand once over Virgil’s hair before encouraging him to lie back down on the towel. ‘Mama will stay right here.’

‘Baby, I’m going to take off your pants and underwear now,’ Patton announced softly and promptly unfastened the button on Virgil’s jeans. He clearly thought delaying the process would not be beneficial.

Virgil’s eyes flitted anxiously between Patton’s hands and Logan’s face. With a slight ache in his chest, Logan heard a shaky whimper as Patton began tugging the clothing down Virgil’s hips.

‘Shh, it’s all right, sweetheart,’ Patton whispered.

It did not seem to placate the boy whose chest started to rise and fall more quickly, so Logan made a snap decision. He shuffled himself around on the mattress so that he was sitting right by Virgil’s hip and facing his head. Then he leaned sideways slightly over Virgil’s torso to block the regressor’s view of his lower half.

‘Why don’t you pick a toy to hold, Virgil?’ Logan suggested, being sure to keep his eyes fixed on Virgil’s face where the regressor was viciously pulling at the handle of his pacifier.

‘That’s a good idea!’ Patton said from behind him. It sounded like he was struggling a little getting Virgil’s skinny jeans off of his legs. ‘Who do you think needs a cuddle today, honey?’

Virgil’s worried eyes looked up at Logan. ‘Minpy?’

‘Minty is having a bath right now,’ Logan explained gently, thinking of the toy that was currently in the laundry due to being wet from Virgil’s accident the day previously. ‘Can you pick another friend?’

Virgil’s eyebrows pulled down slightly, and it looked like he was struggling to say something. Then Logan heard the distinctive sound of his clothes being pulled off from his legs and suddenly Virgil’s face was hidden behind his hands. A muffled whimper broke Virgil’s silence.

‘It’s okay, sweetheart, Mama can pick for you,’ Logan quickly reassured and leaned over the bed to grab a soft toy - Virgil’s pink stuffed pig. ‘Look who it is, Vee!’

Virgil peeked over his fingers to see the toy that Logan was holding out in front of him. ‘Pigwet?’

Logan smiled encouragingly and pushed the toy into Virgil’s hands. The pacifier handle was dropped in favour of squeezing the soft toy.

‘Baby,’ Patton said carefully, out of sight, ‘I know it’s scary, but I really need you to uncurl your legs so Papa can get you changed quickly.’

Virgil’s head shook quickly on the mattress and his fingers squeezed his toy fiercely.

‘You can do it, Virgil.’ Logan placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder and ran his thumb in soothing circles over Virgil’s bare skin. ‘Shall we be brave for Papa?’

Piglet rose up to Virgil’s chin and covered the lower half of his face, but Logan could see the nervousness in his wide eyes. Eventually there was a muffled sound of movement and Virgil began trembling lightly.

‘Good boy,’ Patton praised quietly, then there was some distinctive rustling and Logan knew the diaper must have been unfolded.

‘Shall we have a little chat?’ Logan asked Virgil, smoothing his hands over the regressor’s shoulders in comfort. At a shaky nod, he started trying to distract the boy as best he could. ‘Can you tell me who Piglet’s best friend is?’

‘Wimmie?’ Virgil murmured alongside some crinkling sounds as his body was shuffled slightly. Patton must have laid the diaper beneath him.

‘That’s right,’ Logan nodded with a smile and squeezed Virgil’s shoulders. ‘Winnie the Pooh helps keep Piglet calm, doesn’t he?’

The unmistakable scent of diaper cream hit Logan’s nose followed by the sound of hands rubbing together.

‘Papa,’ Virgil whined and clenched his eyes shut, hugging his toy tightly to his chest.

‘You’re doing so well, sweetie!’ Patton’s tone was exaggerated and emotive, the words practically leaking with pride. ‘This might be a bit cold. Can you keep talking to Mama for me?’

‘Quick, Vee, I need your help,’ Logan immediately pleaded, rubbing his hands firmly up and down Virgil’s arms in an attempt to distract him from what was happening below his waist. ‘I can’t remember the name of the stripy orange character in Winnie the Pooh.’

‘B-Bipper.’ Virgil’s voice was garbled by his pacifier and choked by unshed tears.

‘Oh, of course, Tigger!’ Logan thoroughly disliked how Virgil’s face was pinched in fear. ‘Does Tigger like to… run?’

The mattress jiggled with how rapidly Virgil shook his head.

‘No?’ Logan feigned surprise. ‘If he doesn’t like to run, what does he like to do?’

‘Bounth,’ Virgil squeaked, his eyes still firmly shut.

As the smell of baby powder filled the room, Logan breathed a gentle sigh of relief, letting up in his stroking on Virgil’s arms. It seemed the most invasive part of the change was over. ‘Does he like to bounce?’

Virgil nodded and his eyes finally opened hesitantly.

‘And trounce?’ A series of crinkling sounds met his ears and informed him that Patton must have been working to fasten the diaper now.

It was a true delight, watching Virgil’s furrowed features morph into a gentle smile. He nodded again.

Logan couldn’t help but return the soft expression. ‘And flounce?’

Virgil giggled quietly, squeezing Piglet tighter. This time it was in anticipation as opposed to anxiety.

‘And pounce?!’ Logan gasped as if scandalised. It had the desired effect in eliciting laughter from Virgil and causing his body to shake as he kicked his legs lightly in excitement. It was ridiculously endearing.

‘Hey,’ Patton chuckled softly. ‘I’m trying to tape you up, baby. Try not to kick Papa.’ His voice quickly lowered to mutter to himself thoughtfully, ‘Now why didn’t that stick?’

‘Did you hear that, Vee?’ Logan cupped one of Virgil’s cheeks in his palm with a proud smile. ‘Nearly done.’

The cheek in his hand bunched up as Virgil smiled widely. ‘Mama!’

Virgil then reached up with one hand to bat playfully at Logan’s tie (much like a kitten, the caregiver thought) then simply held onto the end of it.

The grip was gentle and only tugged very slightly at the tie. Logan internally deliberated whether there was any physical explanation for the way the action seemed to tug at his heart, too.

Before he even had the chance to attempt to speak in a steady voice, the sound of various sticky rips caused Logan to turn around (he eased Virgil’s hand from his tie to allow him better movement, though kept his own fingers intertwined with his baby’s). He caught a glimpse of Patton struggling to separate two diaper tapes that had stuck together, biting his lip with a frown.

‘Do you require assistance, Patton?’ Logan asked carefully, wary that Patton’s face was pulled into quite an atypical look of frustration.

The harshness to his expression faded away in an instant and Patton’s gaze inched up to Logan with a shy smile. ‘Maybe a bit.’

Logan nodded and released Virgil’s hand (much to the regressor’s distress) to shuffle off of the mattress. Looking at the white fingerprints on the diaper tapes, it became obvious that Patton had struggled with them due to the cream and powder on his fingers. ‘Why don’t you go and wash your hands?’

There was a definite hesitance in the moral side, but after a couple of moments he acquiesced. ‘All right. I’ll be right back, my adorable little baby!’

Before leaving Patton leaned over the mattress to press a firm kiss to Virgil’s nose and the boy giggled and squished Patton’s cheeks in response.

As Patton hurried out from the room (squealing quietly all the way), Logan got to work on the diaper. Easily enough Logan managed to fasten the tapes tightly, though it did take a couple of tries.

‘All done, sweetheart!’ Logan announced cheerfully. After tugging slightly at the hips to ensure the diaper was secure enough around Virgil, Logan leaned back to take in the sight.

If he were to be honest with himself, he had not expected to feel anything other than indifferent to Virgil’s new attire. When ordering the diapers online, Patton had gushed about the various designs being cute, though Logan was unsure as to how he was meant to see incontinence products as anything more than purely functional, and therefore neutral.

Looking down at Virgil now, he was forced to abandon his initial expectations. The deep purple of the diaper was a stark contrast to Virgil’s pale, freckled skin, and the thick padding of it somehow, inexplicably, was indisputably adorable to Logan. Of course, he had known that Virgil would give off the impression of being younger due to the connotations of infancy associated with diapers. Though that did not explain how Virgil’s eyes were wider and sparkling with babyish innocence, how his face looked softer, and how his words suddenly made even less sense than they normally did when he was little.

‘Mamamaba,’ Virgil babbled and shook his soft toy in the air above his head.

Logan smiled gently and settled back beside Virgil on the mattress. ‘What was that, Vee?’

Bright eyes crinkled with happiness as they settled on him. ‘Agaga!’

Logan’s mouth dropped open. ‘Oh my goodness, have you regressed even younger?’ he asked in disbelief, fully aware that Virgil would be unable to answer.

The surprise in Logan’s tone appeared to upset Virgil. He whined and dropped Piglet on the bed to make grabby hands at Logan.

As his mind reeled at the unexpected shift in Virgil’s headspace, Logan gently pulled Virgil up into a sitting position. The diaper crinkled softly against the mattress with every small movement and Logan found the sound to be quite comforting. It reminded him that this was the time to be taking care of his and Patton’s baby and so prevented his mind from thinking about anything else. He was sure the noise alone would be able to trigger his caregiver headspace in the future purely by association.

Virgil made a small hum and wriggled his hips slightly, eliciting more rustling noises. It wasn’t until Logan noted Virgil’s blush and slow blinking which accompanied the sounds that he realised what had caused this further slip.

‘Lo, is he feeling okay?’ Patton’s worried voice came from the doorway. Within seconds Patton was by the bed, pressing his (now clean) hand against Virgil’s forehead, supposedly to feel for a temperature. ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

With a whine, Virgil ducked away from the touch and instead pushed his face against Logan’s chest. There were more loud crinkles as the regressor shuffled clumsily on the bed, trying to get closer to his caregiver.

A quiet chuckle escaped Logan as he wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him onto his lap. Virgil’s legs instantly wrapped around his hips and his arms clung to his shoulders. The image of a koala popped into Logan’s mind.

‘He is perfectly all right,’ Logan murmured, quite stunned and unable to pull his gaze away from where Virgil clung to him. ‘I believe the feeling of wearing a diaper has merely pushed him into a younger headspace.’

‘Younger?’ Patton echoed. ‘Like… an even tinier baby?’

Logan’s hand smoothed over Virgil’s hair and earned him a soft sigh. For one reason or another, tears sprung to Logan’s eyes and he rapidly blinked to be rid of them. ‘Apparently so.’

He looked up from Virgil just in time to see the worry ebb off of Patton’s face and be replaced by joyful disbelief. His gaze swept down to settle on the boy bundled in Logan’s arms and his eyes suddenly sparkled with utter adoration. It took Logan’s breath away.

‘Oh gosh, I - this -’ Patton squeaked, though he paused and took a deep breath to calm himself. It didn’t seem to work. ‘He is so frickin’ adorable!’

‘I have to agree,’ Logan smiled softly.

Patton quickly scooched closer to both of them and ducked slightly to be able to see Virgil’s face. ‘Hello there, tiny baby! Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?’

Light embarrassment was to be expected in Virgil, as he so often blushed when he sunk into his regression or when his caregivers complimented him. Though the way Virgil whimpered and hurriedly buried his face into Logan’s shoulder reflected how he reacted when he was shy around someone unfamiliar (such as when he had first voluntarily been regressed around Roman, or when Janus had walked in on family time a month previously).

The reaction was quite a shock, given the fact that the person Virgil had just hidden from was his own Papa.

From his position above the pair, Logan had the perfect view of Patton’s excited adoration being drowned out by a sudden flash of hurt in his eyes.

Logan was quick to try to rectify Virgil’s unknowing action. ‘Patton, it is just because he is -’

‘Let’s get you dressed, sweetpea!’ Patton announced, hastily jumping to his feet as if the mattress had burned him. He snatched up two items of clothing from the bed.

‘It is only because of his further slip,’ Logan pressed on, absently running his hands over Virgil’s bare back. The regressor seemed entirely unaware of what was happening, and Logan could not help but be grateful.

It was quiet as Patton froze in place, looking quite longingly down to where Virgil sat in Logan’s lap, then back to Logan with a reluctance behind his eyes.

‘He is just a bit more shy because it is a new experience,’ Logan spoke soothingly, looking Patton directly in the eyes to convey sincerity. ‘I am sure of it.’

Patton’s Adam's apple bobbed with a gulp. His watery eyes flitted between Logan and the clothes that were clenched in his hands. Then, at last, his shoulders dropped and a hesitant smile twisted his lips.

‘I’m sorry, I just… freaked out a bit.’ He flopped back down onto the mattress at Logan’s side with a long sigh.

‘It is understandable,’ Logan whispered. Without jostling Virgil too much, he shuffled closer to Patton on the bed so that their legs were touching and bumped his shoulder against Patton’s side softly. Then he looked to Virgil and squeezed him lightly as he asked, ‘Vee? Do you love your papa?’

Though he did not say anything in response, Virgil’s excessive head nodding was unmistakable.

Patton laughed quite unevenly and Logan’s gaze snapped back to see his lip wobbling through a smile.

‘See, he loves you.’ On a whim, one of Logan’s hands left Virgil’s back to gently cup Patton’s cheek and angle his head to look at him. ‘We both do.’

A shaky exhale blew from Patton’s lips and tickled at Logan’s throat. ‘I love you both too.’

Then their lips were locked in a gentle, quick kiss. Logan was unsure who had initiated it; it was almost as if they were magnets being drawn together without need for free will.

As Patton pulled back, Logan suddenly became aware of the weight of the boy on his lap. With wide eyes, as well as noticing the rising flush on Patton’s cheeks, Logan looked down to check on Virgil. He remained unchanged and seemed perfectly happy simply snuggling into Logan’s shoulder. There was no indication he had noticed the kiss at all.

With a note of relief that he was sure Patton shared, the two caregivers exchanged warm smiles for a moment. Then Patton fell back into what Logan assumed was routine.

‘Okey dokey,’ Patton practically sang as he jumped back up from the bed with a giddy spring to his step. (Logan couldn’t help the swell of pride at the knowledge that he himself caused such a dramatic turn in Patton’s mood.) ‘Loganberry, can you turn the baby around so he can choose some clothes?’

Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil tightly and whispered to him, ‘Here we go, sweetheart.’

With one arm around his shoulders and another carefully positioned beneath the diaper, he lifted Virgil slightly and shuffled him around to sit sideways in his lap. There was no protest, Virgil only hummed and suckled on his pacifier more quickly.

‘Hi there, cutie pie,’ Patton cooed with a gentle smile. ‘Do you want to wear the Sesame Street t-shirt -’ he held the named garment up, and then raised another ‘- or the Eeyore onesie?’

Without being able to see Virgil’s expression from above his head, Logan was unsure as to whether he was silently deliberating or simply did not understand the question. Though after a while, the boy’s head lifted from his chest and Virgil’s eyes pleaded silently with Logan.

‘You can pick whichever one you want, Vee,’ Logan assured with a nod.

It took a trifle more coaxing via Logan squeezing his shoulders and Patton stroking his cheek, but eventually Virgil shyly pointed to the blue onesie.

‘Of course, my little stormcloud!’ Patton beamed, starting to bunch the leg of the onesie up in his hands.

‘I see there’s a Winnie the Pooh theme going on today.’ Logan reached out for the abandoned Piglet toy on the mattress and pressed it back into Virgil’s hands.

Virgil squeaked in surprise and wrapped his fingers around the toy, holding it tightly to his chest.

‘Aw, maybe we can have a Winnie the Pooh party!’ Patton cried happily. ‘Won’t that be fun, honey?’ He bent down to ease Virgil’s feet into the legs of the onesie as the regressor nodded lightly.

‘Up we go!’ Patton pulled the onesie up Virgil’s legs swiftly, then dropped the bundle of fabric at his lap. ‘Okay, Mama, your turn.’

Knowing instinctively the task that had been handed to him, Logan very slowly slipped Virgil off of his lap and onto the mattress. The regressor instantly started whining. His upset only became more pronounced when Patton took Piglet from his hands.

At that, Virgil’s whines became loud whimpers, the sound so genuine that it broke Logan’s heart. He could absolutely relate to the sad wince on Patton’s face.

‘Aw, I know, baby,’ Patton cooed sympathetically and held the toy in his own hands in clear sight of Virgil. He likely did not want Virgil to think the toy had fallen out of existence given the boy’s reduced understanding of object permanence.

‘It’s only for a moment, sweetheart,’ Logan whispered and wasted no time in grasping the rest of the onesie. He manoeuvred it over Virgil’s diaper (the fabric sliding easily over the smooth material) then up his torso. Virgil had been rubbing at one of his eyes with a fist quite tiredly before Logan took his hand and guided it into a sleeve. ‘Are you feeling sleepy, little one?’

There was no verbal response, Virgil only sniffled lightly while Logan slipped the last onesie sleeve onto him. His body was incredibly lax and put up no complaint to being dressed. He truly must have been in an infant’s headspace to have little to no awareness or care for being moved around so much. Logan struggled to ascertain an exact age, though made a mental note to observe more behaviours as the day went on.

Patton was pulling up the front zipper of the onesie and paused halfway to scribble his finger over Virgil’s bare ribs, apparently unable to resist the temptation. The action shook Virgil from his lethargic haze as the regressor writhed and giggled. The laughter was distinctly airier than usual.

‘There he is,’ Patton smiled, pulling the zipper up the rest of the way. Piglet was back in Virgil’s grasp within seconds. ‘Are you a happy baby?’

Purple hair fell into his face as Virgil nodded firmly.

Logan carded his fingers through the bangs to reveal Virgil’s happy expression. ‘Do you like the diaper?’ (He knew the answer but thought it would benefit Virgil to admit it to himself to reinforce the positive experience.)

Virgil’s eyes swept down to his lap as if he could see the diaper through his onesie. A blush visibly overtook him and his knees pulled up to his chest tightly as he nodded.

Seeing Virgil so affected by the diaper in an overwhelmingly positive way filled Logan with immense joy. And Virgil being curled up into a small ball of soft blue fabric supplemented by his rosy cheeks and his glittering lilac pacifier made Logan’s chest physically ache in both a pleasing and a hurtful way. The sensation was something akin to Thomas’ reaction whenever he saw a small puppy; all Logan wanted at that moment was to pick Virgil up and cradle him to his chest and rock him and never let him touch the ground, where so many things could hurt him. It was an adoration of Virgil’s sweetness, though simultaneously an awareness of his vulnerability and hence Logan’s own responsibility to keep him safe from all manner of threats.

‘You are adorable,’ Logan stated solemnly.

‘Yes, he is,’ Patton agreed and pinched softly at Virgil’s cheek with a bright grin.

Virgil promptly pulled Piglet up in front of his face - though Logan could still spy his dimple peeking from around the toy. It was cute that Virgil was so embarrassed by their attention but, even so, Logan felt robbed by not being able to see his reaction. So, naturally, he concocted a plan.

‘I suppose if I can’t kiss Virgil’s head I will have to settle for Piglet’s.’ Logan leaned forward and pressed a firm, loudly exaggerated kiss to Piglet’s head. ‘Mwah!’

The stuffed pig was slowly lowered and Virgil’s mismatched eyes peeked hesitantly over it at Logan. ‘Kith?’

‘Oh, would you like a forehead kiss too?’ Logan asked in mock-surprise.

Virgil nodded and dropped Piglet to his lap. He closed his eyes and held his head forward in preparation. Not making him wait for more than a second, Logan pressed a soft peck to Virgil’s forehead, cupping his jaw gently. He was happy to hear a hum of content leave Virgil’s lips before he pulled away.

‘Okay, you two need to stop being so sweet,’ Patton whispered brokenly. Logan’s head snapped around, surprised to see tears dripping down Patton’s cheek, which stretched with a smile. ‘I can’t take it.’

Despite the sight of Patton’s tears causing him to falter, only one word blared through Logan’s brain as he gazed upon him; love.

‘Patton, are you -’

A hand waved through the air flippantly. ‘No, no, I’m fine. Just…’ Patton’s face adorned quite a sappy smile. ‘I just love you. Both of you. All of you. Oh my gosh, let’s get Roman to come to our Pooh party as well!’

‘Wo-Wo!’ Virgil cried excitedly and bounced lightly in his seat.

‘Shall we go get your big brother?’ Patton asked and held Virgil’s hand (the one that wasn’t currently clutching Piglet as if he feared the soft toy would jump out of his grasp and run away). He tugged Virgil up gently, as gentle as they always did when he was regressed, though Logan watched on as Virgil instantly lost his balance.

He swayed precariously for half a second before tumbling back down onto the mattress. Logan quickly caught his back and ensured he did not fall backwards and hit his head on the wall.

‘Are you all right, Vee?’ Logan was certainly not panicked over such a subtle fall, though his tone of voice did not exactly say as much.

After a couple of blinks and a slight frown, Virgil looked up to Logan and held his arms out with a muffled whine.

Logan realised that being in his younger headspace meant Virgil was even less able to stand and walk than he usually was while regressed (and that really was saying something). It should not have been a shock given Virgil’s decreased awareness. Plus, the thick padding of the diaper must have had some effect on his ability to move his legs so freely.

He was wary of making assumptions where Virgil’s desires were concerned, however, so Logan did his best to keep to sheer excitement from his tone when he asked: ‘Do you need Mama to carry you?’

Virgil merely whined again and flexed the fingers of his free hand, looking almost betrayed by Logan’s lack of action.

It was difficult to conceal an idiotically large smile as he stood from the mattress and leant down to carefully lift Virgil onto his hip, though Logan somehow managed. He was not so successful in hiding his delight when he held Virgil securely in his arms and the regressor’s head dropped to his shoulder with a little sigh.

‘Oh, wow, you’re strong,’ Patton mumbled, his eyes fixed on Logan’s hold on Virgil. There was a faint pink tint to his cheeks.

Logan was quick to shrug the statement off, ‘He is surprisingly light.’

‘Still…’ Patton’s gaze crawled up to Logan’s face and he smiled quite coyly.

Logan pretended the way he readjusted his hold on Virgil was to keep him secure, though really he just had to concentrate on something that wasn’t how attractive Patton’s smirk was. It wasn’t hard. The weight of Virgil in his arms commanded his attention and, despite the physical weighing down of his body, he felt as if his heart soared when Virgil buried his nose into his shoulder and snuffled a little.

‘Why don’t I take Virgil to the living room while you get our little prince?’ he suggested.

Patton’s eyes fell to Virgil and he sighed slightly before nodding. With a brief delay, he reached out to stroke Virgil’s hair once before leading the way out of the bedroom and to the staircase.

‘See you two in a bit,’ Patton murmured at the top of the stairs then began his way down the hallway. There was a slight falter in his footsteps before he quietly called back, ‘Love you, baby.’

‘Wuvoo,’ Virgil murmured and snuggled further against Logan’s shoulder. It seemed to satisfy Patton as his footsteps started back up again, taking him away in the direction of Roman’s room.

‘Down we go,’ Logan announced, beginning their descent down the stairs.

They were not three steps down when Virgil suddenly started squirming. It was weak and Logan’s hold was firm so there was no damage done, though it did increase their chances of having a fall.

‘Sweetheart, I need you to stop moving. Can you please do that for Mama?’

After another couple of steps, Virgil’s wriggling did not cease and was joined by gentle whimpers.

‘Are you scared?’ A louder whimper. ‘Why are you scared, little one?’

‘Mama fall!’ Virgil whined with a frantic edge to his tone.

Logan’s arms squeezed around him. ‘I won’t fall, sweetheart. I promise I’ll keep you safe.’ Virgil’s anxious movements swiftly came to an end as Logan pressed a firm kiss to the top of his head. ‘I’ll always keep my baby safe.’

oOo

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#agere virgil #little virgil #cg logan #cg patton #ts agere #sanders sides agere #little/big series #little/big series fics #little accidents big developments

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hayscodings · 4 years

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Been thinking abt this ask for a bit, what is your take on Penelope's sexuality?

whew, okay, this is something feel very strongly about so i apologize for the length in advance.

there tend to be two camps of people in this fandom when it comes to interpreting penelope’s sexuality and they are: (1) antis/cheryl stans who consider her to be heterosexual because they refuse to entertain the idea that she might be gay since they hate her; (2) people who have never given her character a second thought but listened to her red dahlia monologue and missed the entire point of it decided it somehow made her a lesbian.

then there are the handful of people in the parentdale fandom who know neither of those interpretations have any merit. because here’s the thing: penelope has canonically been shown to be attracted to men, and at the very least it has been implied that she’s attracted to women.

so let’s start with the former: her attraction to men.

if we think about her timeline in chronological order, the first thing we have to take into consideration is the fact that she slept around quite a bit in high school. see: “oh, it’s not that different from when i was younger and i had my pick of gentleman callers lining up every evening”. it’s important to note she says this very fondly, to the point where she does that whole looking-up-dreamily bit that one does when reminiscing about the past. keep in mind that at the time she was already aware that she was promised to clifford, and that the blossoms surely wouldn’t have approved of her going around with other boys.

there is no reason to believe she was hooking up with these guys for any reason other than she enjoyed it. she obviously wasn’t encouraged to date by her parents, she didn’t have anyone to impress considering the fact wasn’t popular, and it’s not like she could have gone around advertising these encounters anyway since she would have had to have kept them a secret from the blossoms. so that throws out any “she was pressured into it”/“she was trying to convince other people that she was attracted to boys” possibilities. the fact that she happily recalled these memories to cheryl alone casts serious doubt on them.

why excitedly bring up the memories at all if they were just reminders of a time when she was suffering as a result of heteronormativity? it’s not like cheryl encouraged her to share, or gave any indication that she would be impressed by such a revelation. penelope has nothing to prove to cheryl, anyway. the most logical conclusion is the one you get when you take her words at face value: she experiences attraction to the opposite sex and had fun exploring her sexuality in her youth. we’ll circle back to this later when we get to the subject of how comfortable she feels with sex.

so after high school she marries clifford. it’s a forced marriage, and one neither she nor clifford consented to-- but it’s what their parents groomed them for since they were children and something they’ve known was inevitably coming for years. now, for the purposes of keeping this as short as possible and not veering off topic, i won’t get into a whole analysis of their dynamic. all i will say is this: they were depicted as being entirely comfortable with one another in season one. they may not have come across as passionate or romantic, but you could tell they were partners (always on the same page, experts at nonverbal communication, trusting of each other, etc.). and what’s more than that, is they were constantly initiating affectionate gestures with each other: linking arms, putting their hands on each other, standing close together, hugging, etc.

their marriage may have been forced, but penelope genuinely cared for and felt safe with clifford. even after he died, there was a lingering attachment to him. nevertheless, that doesn’t make their situation any less traumatic. no matter how comfortable they felt emotionally with one another, the fact that they were groomed to be life companions and eventually forced to have sex with one another and raise children together, remains a very traumatic experience regardless. and we know penelope is still traumatized by it because she’s talked about it time and time again. if she was only attracted to women, that would add a whole other layer of trauma to the situation.

because if she was only attracted to women, she wouldn’t want clifford anywhere near here irrespective of the fact that they were raised together. hell, she couldn’t even close her eyes and pretend he was someone else while they were having sex. and she certainly couldn’t attempt to get to a place where the sex wasn't so awkward and uncomfortable. every encounter would be an unpleasant, pained, and traumatic experience. to the point where i can’t imagine she would want to be the recipient of any physical contact from clifford, much less frequently initiate it. in this scenario, it wouldn’t just be clifford’s relation to her that she would have to cope with, it would also be the fact that he was a man. even just going through the motions of being his wife would make her feel isolated and miserable.

which brings us to her job in s2 and probably the most solid indication of her attraction to men. in s2, we learn that the blossoms are broke and penelope is faced with the reality that she needs to get a job. let’s start with what she does to pay for the christmas tree cheryl bought: sleep with vic. was it necessary for her to do this? was it the only avenue she could have possibly taken to come up with some money in those circumstances? of course not. christmas trees aren’t that expensive-- she could have easily pawned any number of valuables in thistle house to come up with the money. hell, she could have chosen some cheryl owned to teach her a lesson. or something nana owned. or she could have simply...returned the tree. there was absolutely no reason for her to decide to sleep with vic if it wasn't something she was perfectly comfortable doing. why would this be her go-to solution if she was only attracted to women? her options were plenty.

then after this, what does she do? gets a job as a courtesan. which she delightedly describes as “providing comfort and companionship to the lonely men of riverdale”. and, as cheryl notes in that scene, she seems quite proud of herself for it. i have a very hard time reconciling how any of this would make sense if she wasn’t attracted to men. you can’t argue she was solely in it for the money, because when cheryl offers her an out via the second nick st. clair check, penelope declines to quit. in her own words, “oh, but cheryl, why would i stop, when i’m having such a good time?”. what, pray tell, would be the good time she was having if she didn’t enjoy the sex she was having with these men? keep in mind that, at this point, she wasn’t even doing any dominatrix work. at this point it was very much implied that she was focused on providing the “girlfriend experience”. so you can’t even argue that her enjoyment came from feeling empowered by dominating these men or whatever.

furthermore, not only did she hand-pick this very specific job herself and refuse to quit it when strongly encouraged and given the chance to, but she also had other options, same as she did in the situation with the christmas tree. she could have turned to hiram like cheryl suggested, she could have worked at pop’s like hermione did in s1, talked to weatherbee about a position like alice, looked at the listings in the register, or asked around about any job opportunities at highsmith, you know, the very prestigious college she graduated from and donated tons of money to and apparently sat on the board of?? the point is, penelope didn’t have to turn to sex work to pay her bills if she didn’t want to. and even if she had, she could have stoped the second cheryl handed her that check and begged her to. penelope went into sex work because she wanted to. and she's vehemently voiced how much she enjoys her work continuously and consistently since then.

then there’s her relationship with hal. this is the second strongest indication of her attraction to men. why? because she genuinely had feelings for him. when cheryl approaches her about the affair, assuming it to be a transactional encounter, penelope explains that, “it’s different, with hal. he’s not a client. it’s real”. if you pay attention to her facial expressions in that scene, you can see that there’s a certain softness and vulnerability to them. the way she delivers the line is especially vulnerable-- and penelope so rarely shows vulnerability in front of cheryl, so that alone says a lot. she then asks cheryl to “please stay out of it”. now, we don’t get to see much if any of penelope’s relationship with hal, but the bits we do see let us know that it’s not just some salacious affair. at least, not on penelope’s end. after cheryl drives hal away penelope is visibly upset and accuses cheryl of driving away her “one decent chance at a better life”.

we don’t need to unpack all of that, because penelope feeling like she can’t be happy without a man is an entirely separate issue, but the point is: she sincerely cared for hal and saw herself being happy with him. when cheryl dismissively fires back with “if that’s your idea of love”, penelope defensively snaps, “what would you know about it?”. that’s not the reaction she would have had if she had simply pursued hal because she was bored or wanted to cause some drama or was merely trying to mess with alice or something. you can’t say she was with him for money either, because: (1) she already had money at this point, (2) hal isn’t wealthy, and (3) she wasn’t getting any money out of him anyway since he wasn't a client. and if she was just looking to get hitched and settle down with a man for money, she certainly wouldn’t have gone after a married, middle class one with kids. that would not be a sensible strategy.

it’s also worth noting that nat stated in several interviews back in s2, while the affair plot was airing, that she believed penelope had real feelings for hal. she explained that penelope was lonely and, thus, “looking for a bit of warmth from somewhere”. so that’s how she was playing it.

then there's the maple club. just in case it hadn’t been established enough how much she adores her job, she had to go ahead and open a kink club. there really isn’t any need to drive the ‘she actively enjoys sex work’ point further, as i feel it’s been made explicitly clear already, but i do want to make one note, and that is that penelope was still taking clients while she was a madame. we saw her holding props in like, every other scene, and she was shown wearing nightgowns. so if anyone, for whatever weird reason, assumed she only opened the maple club so she wouldn't have to participate in the sexual encounters herself, i am here to burst your bubble.

and finally, we come to the scene that launched a thousand bad takes: the scene of the red dahlia monologue. in that scene, penelope utters the infamous words, “not people betty, men. they are the true poison”. in context, it is very clear that she is speaking from her many personal experiences with shitty men, seeing as before she delivers that quote she categorically details some of the traumas she has endured at their hands-- the murder of her son by her husband being one of them. that’s all that quote is about! the pain and betrayal she’s experienced from shitty, morally reprehensible men! it has nothing to do with her sexuality, and to make it so is to ignore and take away from the seriousness of her trauma. nothing frustrates me more than to see people misinterpret that scene and reduce it to some man-hating lesbian narrative bullshit. y’all can save that nonsense for cheryl.

also, the fact people were so quick to ignore penelope’s attraction to men in favor of calling her a lesbian feels very biphobic to me, and i will not have it. rip to everyone who thinks being bisexual is just Gay Lite™ and refuses to even consider the possibility when a character is indicated to be attracted to the same sex, but i’m different. not that that scene was any indication that penelope is attracted to women-- it was not. mistrusting men and being disgusted by their actions does not a lesbian make. that is literally just being a woman. but anyway.

the last thing i want to say before i get into penelope’s attraction to women is that there is no way she would be so comfortable with sex, or so confident expressing her sexuality, if she was a lesbian whose sole experiences with sex had consisted of meaningless high school hookups and over two decades of forced marriage to her brother. that just doesn’t add up. if she were a lesbian, s2 would have gone very differently. clifford’s death would have been liberating in more ways than one, and the last thing she would have done after finally being free of having to endure a heterosexual relationship is sleep with a random man to pay for a christmas tree, get into sex work, and pursue a relationship with a man. and go on to open a kink club. that just doesn't make sense.

so onto her attraction to women. this doesn’t require as much of an explanation, so i’ll try to keep it short and sweet since i’ve already written an obscene amount of words trying to answer this ask. i honestly can’t remember when i first started headcanoning penelope as bisexual, but i know i had been entertaining the idea of her being attracted to women long before the flashback episode aired. i’m not sure what it was, the ~vibe was just there. when i first got into the fandom i followed several people who shipped penelope and alice, and, while i didn’t care for the ship at the time (embarrassing, i know), the idea of penelope being interested in women felt very natural to me. maybe it was the violently sapphic schoolteacher/librarian aesthetic she had going on in s1, maybe it was the fact that her whole energy screamed ‘repressed’ to me. actually, i do think the latter is what initially got me wondering.

and then nat starting theorizing that penelope was attracted to women and that was very validating. i was briefly hopeful they would go in that direction in s2, but of course it never happened.

but then the flashback episode aired and bitch ?????? that one scene with sierra was gay as hell. i’m still very confused about why they played up penelope’s crush on sierra only to never go anywhere with it in present time, but i’ll take my crumbs. all of the looks penelope gave sierra in that episode, the way she ignored her vandalizing the bathroom mirror while she grilled alice and hermione for their hall passes, the way she set up a quest just to get everyone out of the room so she could be alone with sierra, the subtle scoot towards her and “looks like it’s just you and me for a little bit, sierra” line with that dorky ass grin, the linking arms and smiling at her in the hallway??? there was nothing heterosexual about that.

and then there was the random, low-key coding in 3x12 where we learned that penelope graduated from a college named after patricia highsmith, referenced the price of salt, and used the word sapphic.....i still have questions about all of this. are we just supposed to believe she reads lesbian novels for science? and casually references them in conversation? where did she learn the word sapphic? if i asked my mom what the word sapphic meant she would have no idea what is was talking about. some food for thought.

also....her scenes with alice. that’s all i have to say.

i’m probably missing some things here, but that’s the bulk of it. i apologize for letting this get away from me...i just have a lot of thoughts lmao. anyway, i hope this was at least somewhat insightful and coherent. i appreciate the ask!

#the way i nearly wrote 3k words about this...#my one shots aren't even this long #ask #message #fandom ask #riverdale ask #moretvforyou #penelope blossom #riverparents #riverdale headcanons #riverdale meta

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bookdragonlibrary · 4 years

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Miraculous Ladybug New York

The voices sound normal in French but seem so wrong in English and I don’t know what gives me this impression :/

There are a lot of things I loved in this episode/film:

First I’m glad the comic seems to not be canon anymore since it is Ladybug and Chat noir’s first trip to New York and they never met the US heroes before.

Cosmo Bug and Astrochat! I hope we will have a closer look and a longer utilisation in season 4 because this transformation looks so cool but was too short!

Miss Bustier being pregnant! So was she calling Miss because she is young and not because she is not married yet?

Marinette being to short to unlock the automatic door.

Marinette in denial with Adrien is just a friend, meaning Adrien was also in denial of his feelings for Marinette this whole time :D

A Black woman for the President of USA, the creators literally saying fuck the current timeline.

A black and a Native american girls as main US heroes (I mean they have most of the screen time of US heroes + about our heroes age) and a multiracial homoparental family. When Majestia says “it’s time to be our true selves” she isn’t only talking about Knight owl being a woman, but also about the both of them being a couple right? Maybe the Americans know Knight Owl and Majestia are going out but since they don’t know Knight Owl is a woman…

Adrien, aware or not, trying to be close to Marinette and knowing she did everything for him: making him come to NY, making the banderole when he left, etc. What if he changed target from Ladybug to Marinette?

Ladybug smiling fondly at Chat noir’s explanations at the beginning and accepting the flower.

Aeon stepping in front of Ladybug to save her from the Cataclysm. Imagine how Chat noir would have been devasted if he killed his lady D:

The Miraculous of the Eagle is the Miraculous of Freedom. Its power is to unlock whatever is holding back someone to reach their true potential, like fear, morality, etc. It’s like a big power up of what you would look like at 100%. Imagine Marinette if she is touched by this! :o no more clumsiness, only her confidence all the time!

I’m glad the Americans Miraculi are based on American Native culture. Meaning the Miraculous spread across the world are the sources of the local myths, legends and symboles. Ladybug’s box is from Asia. So maybe we will have a European guardian, a Greek one with Miraculous based on the Zodiac signs, as they are based on Greek mythology and constellations’ names. But also boxes based on Celtic and Viking myths! We will have a Shanghai special soon, so maybe the third World Special will be with the European box. I mean with Miraculous World could be film length special about other boxes just like New York and Shanghai are. Maybe they will make more like those, maybe one per continent (the crew talked about Brazil so a South America episode, so we would have an episode in Africa and Oceania! :D)

Adrien transforms in Chat noir just to protect Marinette. He makes his presence known in NY, with the possibility of Ladybug knowing of this, to protect Marinette.

Sabrina finding a life outside Chloé and maybe having a crush in USA :) Plus, it’s an interracial couple :)

Barbara x Olympia, the Supermoms of the ML universe :) So Jesse and Eon are sisters? Since they both called Barbara and Olympia moms? And that they seem together?

The little kitty to make Ladybug know if there’s a problem in Paris. I hope Marinette will make a ladybug version just so Chat noir can know if something is wrong in Paris so he could transform. You know, since they can communicate only if they are both transformed…

Did you notice the irony of Marinette makes Adrien coming in NY and then being mad at Chat noir for being in NY >< The reveal when they’ll realise all the quiproquos from the start xD

Other things I think wasn’t understood by most of the fandom and my opinion:

Mayura making an sentimonster looking like Robustus in Paris to make it seems Hawkmoth was still in Paris. But I don’t understand Hawkmoth’s plan to give a Miraculous to the villain. He never made a stupid move like than, excepting when he made a Miraculous the akumatised object for Queen Wasp.

Yellow roses symbolising friendship is a new symbole, but they do symbolise jealousy in the past. On the Internet, it explains it was to sell more of these roses they changed to meaning. So Ladybug and Chat noir were both right about it. Chat noir is trying to show platonic affection and support to Ladybug

Marinette going back to her antics like in season 1. Well, it’s not easy to move on from someone and Marinette never had closure to help her doing it. By that I mean a clear no from Adrien because she never succeeded to tell him what she felt so of course, she still have a little hope. About her antics, she tried so much to flirt with Adrien or to confess to him since 3 seasons/a year, she doesn’t know how to act as a friend with him, so she panics and here we go. Marinette has anxiety easily. So she has to plan every scenario/the worst scenario to reassure her. But being friend with Adrien is new territory. So Marinette becomes error 404 ^^ I mean, before she would have be thrilled to spend time with Adrien, especially sitting next to him on the plane like she was where they were on the train. But now that’s too overwhelmed for her.

Adrien wanted to tell Ladybug he’s going away too right away, but Plagg told him not to, because he wants his friend to have free and good time too because Adrien deserves it. Maybe they would have find a solution like the Horse Miraculous or going back to Paris thanks to the astrosuit.

I think Ladybug say she can’t trust Chat noir anymore out of anger and doesn’t really mean it. We know she cares about Chat noir

About Chat quitting. It’s not because he came to NY without telling Ladybug, I think the main reason he wanted to quit because he could have actually kill someone. We’re talking about Adrien the cinnamon roll. Do you think about how traumatic it would be to kill someone? By accident, yes, but the consequence is still here and the person would have been an innocent. He would have kill Ladybug if Aeon didn’t intervene and if she wasn’t a gynoid, she would have die for real. Maybe she knew she’ll be fine thanks to the Miracle cure or she just wanted to save a human life. So it’s the combo of nearly kill someone + Ladybug won’t trust him anymore that makes him think he’s not worthy of being a hero anymore.

I read people complained about Ladybug being perfect and awesome. Just wanna remind it’s from Adrien’s point of view, just like Adrien is perfect from Marinette’s one. Not that they’re perfect as people, but the other see them at such for them. When you’re in love you don’t see the person as perfect as a person, but as your partner because they are what you’re looking for in a partner. Adrien likes strong girls, with confidence, who want to fight for others and help them. Marinette likes boys who are gentle, sweet, generous, romantic, calm and relax to counterbalance her ball of energy. That’s why they see Ladybug and Adrien are perfect according to their standards.

I’m not sure where Adrigami and Lukanette are… The second one seems to be in standby, Luka giving Marinette time to move on from Adrien and I stand that. Maybe the first one is processing thing, Kagami also giving time to Adrien to clear his heart. We didn’t hear Adrien’s clear answer since the finale. Or are they secretly dating because of their strict parents? The kiss seems to be on the cheek (pretty close from the lips from our point of view, but still not on the lips) so I don’t think they are dating yet, so the Adrinette was cheating? I don’t even think Nino and Alya know about them or Adrien knows he’s in love with Marinette or that his behavior makes it appears like such. He wants to spend time with her, to be with her, he’s thankful of her, wants to protect her, but still processing his feelings. Kagami and Adrien never had friends before, least of all a girl/boyfriend. I’m not sure they know what dating supposes to look like. Maybe Kagami confused feeling closed to Adrien because they live the same situation and being in love with him? I love Kagami and Luka but I know Adrigami and Lukanette won’t be endgame anyway so I try to not bring myself to much in those ships… But I hope they will end up with each other!

Adrien isn’t a cheater. First, we don’t know yet if Adrigami is dating or not. Plus we see Adrinette interactions are romantic because we know they’re endgame and we know Marinette is in love with Adrien. (I’m not even sure Adrien is conscious that his behaviour could be interpreted as romantic.) So it’s just our perception that makes those moments romantic. Otherwise, Adrien did nothing wrong! What did he do? He was happy to be sitted next to a friend so he won’t spend a 12 hours flight alone (not like he can talk to his bodyguard or Mendeleiev...), thanked Marinette for made him come to NY, hugged her, helped her with automatic doors, hided with her because they were sneaking out, share a hot dog and they have been locked in a room. Yes, they danced but it was Alya who asked Jess to turn it into a slow. And dancing with someone else isn’t cheating anyway.

About Alya and Nino… Alya knows Marinette is in denial of her feelings and she might be frustrated because to her point of view, Marinette is giving up without a clear answer from Adrien. She didn’t know Adrien told her he’s in love with a girl (Ladybug, in Pupeteer 2) and from Marinette’s POV it’s Kagami who is also in love of Adrien. That’s why she stepped back in the S3 finale without knowing Adrien might have giving up on Ladybug (because she told him a clear no) and is trying to be closer to her. Alya doesn’t understand why Marinette is giving up on her feelings and from her and Nino’s POV Adrien is also crushing on her but isn’t aware of it and/or doesn’t know it’s reciprocal. From their POV, it’s like Marinette’s one on Adrien and Kagami: they both think Marinette and Adrien are in love wih each other but not aware of it. Alya isn’t giving up on Marinette because she think she is so close to hapiness and reciprocal feelings to give up just now.

New York being romantic… Well maybe it’s Hollywood’s fault and since a lot of French never went to USA, their only views of this country are films and series so their opinion might be biased? (Just like people think Paris is romantic when… it’s maybe not true anymore… It’s not the City of lights from before…) Same for USA being the country of freedom. It’s just become US save the world in every of their movies, against terrorists or aliens or whatever.

About Nino calling Adrien a baby chick, a little cultural explanation is needed here :) Chicks have not the same meaning in French than in English. While in English it refers to girls in a sexual/flirting way, in French it’s a cute pet name you call your child or a cheesy one for your boy/girlfriend. So Nino refers to Adrien as being innocent, like in a naive and oblivious way.

Too many heroes in NY. It seems Hot Dog Dan and the firelights heroes are recurent NY heroes. But the other ones could live elsewhere and just come to NY because there were a big threat wih Techno Pirate. Since United Heroez are based on Justice League and the Avengers (or other groups of heroes, but I would say mostly the JL), they could have way to communicate and to travel fast across the USA right?

Questions:

Where are the power of the US superheroes come from? From the bracelets?

Why Jesse and Eon have to supervise the Miraclass? Does Olympia and Barbara know Marinette and Adrien are Ladybug and Chat noir? Nope, they were surprised they are in NY. So why? To be sure they’ll be safe since they are a lot of supervillains in USA? (Since you know, they’re not a one-time villain because of an akuma here)

Was it Aeon’s fault if the door didn’t open for Marinette and Adrien? Or it’s really because Marinette has the size of a child? xD By the way, do the US door retract when they meet an “obstacle” or it was just for the comedy?

Am I the only one who think Aeon look like an Egyptian goddess in her hero form?

Tsurugi-san (forgot Kagami’s mom’s name) should know Gabriel is Hawkmoth, or at least he’s in NY because he is driving in a autopilot car from Tsurugi’s label. There is something going on between her, Gabriel and Audrey (see the end of the episode Feast).

We see Adrien protecting Marinette a lot during attacks. Is this a building or a foreshadowing of him realising he’s in love with Marinette (I mean being conscious of his feelings) because he will see her hurt during a attack? (Marinette could be fine, transforming in Ladybug just before being really hurt or killed by something but Adrien won’t know Ladybug next to him is also Marinette so… angst and tear?) could be Adrinette or Marichat but this scenario could also be a reverse with Ladynoir. Marinette seems to be more and more fond of Chat noir with time passed.

With the special, I think the love square would be changed in S4. Chat noir still cares about Ladybug but he’s not pursuing her anymore. So still banter but not flirting for ladynoir? But Ladybug makes heart eyes when Chat noir gabble about flowers and their symbolism :3 I don’t know if Ladybug will see Chat noir romantically but they may have an even stronger bond after all they have been through! So reverse Adrinette like in the special? So maybe... more Marichat? :D

Well that’s all I thought at the moment. Maybe I’ll add new things when I rewatch it for the x times. If you have language or cultural questions, don’t hesitate! I will add the answer to this post! ;D

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous united heroez #miraculous ladybug ny #ml review

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who-ever-said-i-was-nice · 4 years

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Mtach up thing please! <3

Female, INFJ-T, Sagittarius. 155cm (tiny potato, just dont smash it on my face or I will get insecure)I would never, brown eyes, long light brown hair, pale with freckless. Average-skinny. Wear glasses for study/work which is basically 24/7 same and have some tattoos here and there.

I think Im more of an ambivert but more close to the introvert side. I’m smiley but still people tend to tell me that they thought I was rude (or directly a bitch) highly doubt it they just jealous but found out I’m not that bad, guess that’s on bitch resting face :( nope :) better. Socially awkward but after I get comfortable I fool around a lot, memes and vine references give me life. I tend to do the opposite of what I’ve been told just because I don’t like it when people order me things.pffff can relate Tho I’m shy I will not hesitate to step up if someone is being rude with someone specially if is towards a friend or someone close to me. I try to be very caring and supportive for anything you will need but also empathic, I cry if someone cries kjdfhgk but try to hold it together so I can help and not make feel worse the other person you seem very nice pls be my friend

I’m sensitive, I get stressed and anxious easily and for that I constantly have headaches and stomach ache,noooooo :( I have a whole self-care routine to help me with that or else I will, without a doubt ,get sick. I don’t like places that are too crowded or very loud noises, it makes me nervous. I’m your “will cry if gets too anxious” person. yup you are to innocent and cute to be my friend I’m either “Mama bear” scary or “will murder you in your sleep” scary.....I’m just a marshmallow tho

I like reading welcome to the bookworm club, learning random things. I love art in general, music, painting, dancing, etc. I love animals too! All of them, cats, dogs, birds, frogs, please let them all in(but my weak spot are cats, I cant deny it). I’m vegan, try to make it the most healthy possible (eating well, taking vitamin D and B12 to not die that was funnier than all of my jokes combined i died ). Sugar is my passion and my minimum 4 tsp of sugar per coffee knows it(this is where the I eAt HeAlThYy goes to hell xD damn right lmao, you still healthier then me). When it comes to music I like a bit of everything, I will be listening alternative rock or metal and then jump to kpop, tho I’ve been into chill lofi lately, specially when is mix of a series or movie cause nostalgia hits hard and I’m into that shit kjhjk I also have a playlist of Disney, anime or movie songs/soundtracks because it helps me to study or work more motivated, your girl needs motivation to not stare into space for 1 hour straight,kjkiijjioh same tho Im quite disperse, I always forget where I put things and then blame the goblins for that, but it turns out, it was on my hand all the time lollol

I study art online, I want to be a concept or background artist for animation, I used to study animation on a university but dropped because the pressure was too much and never could get along with the university itself, every week was a fight about something (Im not problematic I swear, I try to be the most chill out-care free possible but I swear the system is horrible here :( )yeah it happens sucks that you had to go through it. I’m also learning complimentary therapies! (I think that’s how it is on english) Reiki, tarot, pendulum, past lifes and such, Im into esoterical/”mystical” things.

For hobbies I do embroidery, sewing, read, stare into space for 1 hour and yoga (this is part of the self care routine to not die).

My favorite season is autumn or early spring, I dont handle too hot weather or the sun well, I like winter and rainy days but then I get so cold that I invernate on bed the whole day.

For relationships I think communication is key, I know is not easy but is the only way to make it work :( and cuddles, please cuddle me and pet my head, I will be on your palms if you scratch my head. I can be very touchy, like holding hands and hugs but I dont like it if someone who is not a very close friend or my partner does it, I just dont know how to react or do kfdhlk I prefer my personal space untouched :( Im so sorry it was so long!! I wanted to do it very detailed but sHoRt to not make you think so hard with who match up me but maybe tmi is just the opposite for you, if so Im truly sorry! :( I think you are an angel just for trying to match up me with someone <3 ahhh, yes, the matchup (take a shot for everytime i said match up on this paragraph game) for ikevamp please! <3

4 shots huh.Ahahahahhahhhahahhahahhhah...... Don’t worry about the length. The longer the better right. Right? I’m nasty I’ll stop. Also yes I went through it and left little notes within the text. Why, because I’m cool. Hopefully. One day. Anyway!

I matched you with...............

.......................ISAAC!!!!!

My sweet baby angel little boy

Isaac is very,very shy so it took him some time to warm up to you

but that does not mean that he didn’t like you

oh no no no

on the contrary

Isaac died every single time you passed him

he didn’t understand how someone could be so perfect

you took his breath away

him not being the tales man actually liked that you were shorter then him

you see, because men are supposed t be tall and strong and all that crap, plus being around Leo, who scores a 10 in all of those, made him quite insecure about his, well, actually everything

the way he talked, or rather didn’t, his height, that fact that he wasn’t jacked like some of the guys in the mansion, or, you know, at least in his mind

he isn’t exactly the fighter type either

he’s a scientist after all, not a worrier

and this made him feel like he didn’t deserve you, because he couldn’t protect you

oh my, sweetheart no

you on the other hand, think he is amazing

I mean not all people know all the constellations name and position by heart, nor can they carve amazingly cute wooden toys and decorations, nor are the university professores and just so happen to be an absolute physics geniuses so yeah

both of you being quite reserved, it took you ages to get together

but when you did it was the most amazing thing ever

he confessed to you one night while you where stargazing

it went a little something like this:

You: Thank you for bringing me out. It’s so beautiful!

Isaac: Yes. Like you.

You: *eyes emoji*

Isaac takes your hand, blushes hard, and even though he wanted to look into your eyes he couldn’t bring himself to, in fear of loosing himself in them

“Y/n ever since I first laid eyes on you I knew that I needed you in my life. You make me feel so comfortable by the just being here with me. You are funny, lighthearted and so welcoming and accepting. I love when you sit next to me in the library, I love it when we stargaze, I love how you ask me oh so many questions. How you are so eager to learn everything. Yet you are so quiet and shy. It’s amazing really. and in those moments I fell like I love it even more. The comfortable silence we can both sit in. The look we share, were we somehow always know what the other is thinking without even asking. I love your hair falls and frames your face perfectly. Those adorable freckles are driving me mad you know? Your petite features always astound me. So small yet so pretty. How is it even possible? However I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings. It doesn’t matter how much I adore you, I can’t protect you. I am not what a man is supposed to be. I’m not strong and tough Y/n, I’m just a scientist. However I felt the need to tell you this. To tell you my true feeling. I love you Y/N. I really do.”

Isaac sat there with tears streaming down his face

he couldn’t look at you

he just waited for the rejection to slap him in the face

however it didn’t come

you cupped his wet cheek gently and he looked up to see your tear stained face

you slowly pull him towards you and kiss him

it was so gentle and full of love

you pulled away tears still pouring down your faces

however these weren’t tears of sadness, but of joy

you both laughed as Isaac pulled you into a hug

well.....

i may or may not be crying writing this

yes I definitely am that is totally the case

anywhoo

after this it is smooth sailing

cutest couple ever

And that is it! Sorry if this is lame and it literally took forever. Thank you for the request though.! Have an amazing day and be safe!

#Ikemen Vampire #IkeVamp #ikemen vampire match up #ikevamp+matchups #ikemen vampire isaac x reader #ikemen vampire isaac #submission

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deadlyanddelicate · 5 years

Text

Something Wicked This Way Comes: or, the Rising Dark in Ronan’s Arc

as some of you may know because i never shut up about witch!adam i’ve been convinced for a while now that adam would go darkside in the dreamer trilogy. what i did not predict however, was that ronan is probably headed down a dark path himself. i thought the basic premise of the trilogy would have ronan in danger from both the nightwash and the zed hunters (which obviously still applies; he is very much in danger from those things), and adam striking some sort of dark bargain in an attempt to protect him. but after reading cdth, i think things might be about to take a more sinister turn.

so here are some thoughts i’ve been poring over, under a cut for length. what can you expect? well, there’s rambling! there’s bullet points! there are lyrics-inspired section headings! (we have fun around here.)

let’s start with the obvious, shall we?

1. “The Sandman, He Comes”

so...bryde.

we don’t know much about bryde - who or what he is, how he’s able to infiltrate ronan’s dreams, whether he can do it to other dreamers too, why he didn’t want to reveal himself, what’s his agenda - but what we do know is that ronan trusted him very, very fast. suspiciously fast, in fact. fast enough that adam remarks on it in chapter 39: “earlier today you had a gun on me. i’m just asking you give him the same shake as me”.

to clarify: in the previous chapter, ronan was shaken enough to hold a gun to adam, the love of his life, and not lower it even when he feels reasonably sure it’s him; yet it never occurs to him in the book to question bryde or his motives. when adam says he wants scry to try and get more info on him, ronan seems almost annoyed by adam’s wariness (ronan narrowed his eyes. “don’t gimme that look, ronan”) to which adam replies, understandably, that it’s only fair ronan holds a complete stranger to the same safety standards as his own boyfriend, at least.

but why shouldn’t ronan trust bryde (apart from the fact that he has no information about him whatsoever)? well, bryde’s behaviour is pretty damn shady, and extremely reminiscent of the ways that a cult leader might try to recruit people to his cause. @deerlovelylily discussed it very eloquently in this post, but just to recap:

bryde is able to access ronan’s dreams at will, including interacting with objects from them: he had the hoverboard at the end, and he knew exactly what was on the stomach of the murder crabs. (@streghe had a very clever suggestion that there’s a nonzero chance bryde actually caused the crabs to manifest in the dorm, since ronan barely saw them in the dream; why would bryde do that? well, to make sure ronan was cut off from adam, his real life support system and, coincidentally, a psychic who doesn’t trust bryde)

there is considerable evidence that he can access ronan’s memories/other parts of his subconscious as well, since he knows a lot more about his waking life than he should, constantly referencing people and events from it (as well as obviously knowing where ronan is/what he’s up to, which is very stalkerish in itself)

bryde uses this knowledge to manipulate and influence ronan through the words of people in ronan’s life. in ch. 58 he asks ronan “are you going to be quiet?”, which we know from trk is what niall used to say to the brothers before telling them a story. in ch. 43, he talks about the “emotional costs” of saving someone’s life, mirroring almost exactly the words of warning adam had told ronan in ch. 33 (“there’s such thing as an emotional cost”). adam was warning ronan about trusting bryde too easily, and we know ronan values adam’s opinion; by repeating adam’s words to him bryde is pulling a see, i can’t possibly have shady motives, because i am acknowledging the same risk adam warned you about.

that’s far from the only manipulative thing bryde does. his behaviour constantly alternates between praising ronan, guilting him, taunting him, and ordering him about.

in ch. 43 he tells ronan he’s “the most expensive thing he’s ever saved”, reinforcing the idea that A) ronan is special, B) bryde cares about him, and C) it cost him a lot to save ronan so ronan should feel grateful/guilty/indebted to him. he does this knowing full well that ronan isn’t going to doubt his motives for saving him, because ronan himself - brave boy that he is - has just told him he would save a dreamer without any questions asked.

bryde never shows himself to ronan until the very end, which has the combined effects of keeping him in the dark/at a disadvantage, and making him more intrigued by bryde’s mystery; at the same time, he constantly asks ronan to prove himself and earn the dubious privilege of finally meeting him (“next box”)

bryde promises things that he knows ronan wants: first and foremost, understanding of his dreamer powers; second, a community, by hooking him up with other dreamers (ronan’s been asking what am i, why isn’t there anyone like me, am i the only one? for a long time); last but not least, he heavily hints that he can free dreams from their dreamers, something ronan is desperate to do in order to give matthew his freedom

on more than one occasion, bryde gives ronan direct orders: “scrub [the word ‘real’] from your vocabulary”; “i don’t want you to think this ever again: it was just a dream”. and ronan obeys him, or is at least very affected by it. where he at first questioned whether his dreams of bryde were real, now he questions reality (e.g. holding a gun to his very real boyfriend and asking himself what is real?); in ch. 24 he thinks about the words just a dream and how bryde “had forbidden him from ever saying them again”. since when does ronan follow orders? who is bryde to “forbid” him to do anything?

bryde constantly deploys examples Us VS Them rhetoric, creating a schism between dreamers and humanity, magic and humanity. we know (and bryde probably knows) ronan has always struggled with not feeling human and not knowing what he is; that he deeply wants to be able to fit into the real world. what bryde is effectively saying is no, you’re not human, in fact humans and magic are enemies, and the real world is not for you... unless you can shape it to your will.

to me, bryde’s spiels sound very... dreamer-supremacist, for lack of a better term. at the moment, dreamers are oppressed by the moderators, so they’re right to rebel; but there’s an emphasis on dreamers being more powerful than anyone else, and what they could do with that power. it kind of reminds me of magneto re: mutants in the marvel universe. and i think that is the direction he’s headed in: separate ronan from his human family and escalate the conflict between humans and dreamers much further than simple self-defense from the moderators.

there’s plenty of reasons to be mistrustful (if not outright skeeved the fuck out), right? so why does ronan trust bryde? well, several reasons.

2. “On The Right Side Of Rock Bottom”

ronan is at the lowest that he’s been since tdt. it’s better and worse at the same time -- in a way, it’s worse because it’s better. in tdt, ronan was deeply in denial about himself and the things he wanted; now he knows what he wants (a happy life with adam) and can’t go after it, trapped at the barns. in tdt, ronan was suicidal; now he wants to live, and so of course his life is threatened on all sides, internally by the nightwash, externally by the moderators.

through all of trc, one of ronan’s main goals was to return to the barns, feeling like his key to happiness was in his childhood home. but as it turns out (and as i suspected all along), being stuck alone and isolated on a dream farm surrounded by eerie sleeping things and a handful of incredibly traumatic memories of his dead parents isn’t as fulfilling as ronan imagined. to make things worse, he’s created a security system for the barns that causes him to relive his fears and traumas over and over (ronan for the love of God, why would you dream something like that). his brothers live in DC, which is close, but not that close -- and though he’s mending fences with declan, they still are somewhat at odds. his best friends, gansey and blue, are travelling the country with henry, and we know from the opal story ronan misses them and feels left behind. at the start of cdth he tries to escape by following adam to cambridge -- and that immediately goes pear-shaped, whether by accident or, as said above, by sabotage.

now ronan is truly alone, cut off from visiting adam, living with the guilt of wrecking his dorm and the self-loathing following the fact that adam had to tell people he’s, essentially, an unstable drunk (the place he actually was at in tdt). it feels like the progress has been erased. this is the first time since tdt ronan has hit rock bottom, and cdth tells us he sinks into depression, staying in bed for days, not showering or changing, eating expired food. he thinks of a life trapped at the barns alone doing nothing, and feels understandably suffocated. all the more so because it feels like everyone else is moving on - declan has his own life, gansey/blue/henry have their adventures, and adam... well, adam is growing up, which ronan feels he himself can’t do. this comes up at several points in the book: in ch. 5 ronan doesn’t recognize adam, noting he’s “growing from something beaten down into whoever he was supposed to be”, but finds it ridiculous that adam doesn’t recognize him because he’s still the same: “adam was changing; ronan couldn’t.” later, in ch.23, he notes that he often dreams of adam as older/more adult, while ronan himself is stuck in arrested development.

essentially: ronan is stuck. so of course, any lead that comes up - whether that’s mór ó corra, the new fenian, hennessy, or bryde, is going to make him reckless and ready to risk everything, because anything is better than being buried alive at the barns.

3. “Guilty, On the Run, And I Know What I Have Done”

remember how i said ronan hits rock bottom at the start of the book? well, it’s time to grab a shovel and keep digging, because then there’s the matthew thing.

so... we learn very early on in the book (in case we didn’t already know from trc) that ronan feels deeply torn about his dreaming. he loves to create, but feels guilty about creating life, because that feels like an act of hubris against God to him. and he feels especially guilty about creating matthew, because that means A) that matthew’s safety and life depend on ronan’s, and B) that matthew essentially has no free will, something that’s very important to catholic morals.

the moment matthew figures out he’s a dream-thing, and calls ronan out on lying to him, ronan is dropped into a fiery pit of shame, guilt, and self-loathing (and we already know that all of ronan’s emotions which are not happiness manifest as anger). he remains despondent even in dreams, and essentially, refuses to deal with matthew’s hurt and disappointment. which on one hand is justified, because he has ~Dramatic Dreamer Developments~ happening; but on the other hand, he’s essentially avoiding responsibility towards his brother, lashing out at declan in needlessly mean ways when declan tries to get him to be there for matthew (“dad’s working, sweetie”... really?). it’s a kind of pettiness that ronan hasn’t displayed in a while, and it speaks to me of his own restlessness and self-loathing more than anything.

we already know ronan feels alone, frustrated, isolated, scared, trapped -- now he also feels guilty on top of it all, and it just redoubles his determination to free matthew (something bryde has hinted he can do, knowing the power it would have on ronan). this is ronan at his worst, and we see it not just in how dismissive he is of declan, but in how he treats hennessy in chapter 67. he wants hennessy to dream up the lace, so he can show her how to stop dreaming of it (which in itself is dangerous, since lindenmere can manifest dreams, and in fact it ends up almost killing hennessy). but he gets absolutely furious when hennessy can’t dream properly -- because she’s, you know, kind of stuck on the slightly traumatic memory of witnessing her mom killing herself in front of her. it’s something you’d expect ronan to have sympathy for, seeing as he’s witnessed both of his parents’ violent deaths. instead, he’s impatient, snappy, insisting hennessy isn’t trying hard enough -- and downright cruel, shooting hennessy’s clone before her eyes, then trying to force her to shoot herself (especially relevant when you remember the church scene in bllb, and how shaken ronan was at having to kill a copy of himself).

this new ronan, it seems, has reached rock bottom and then some, and he’s got no time for empathy anymore. we see this in the metaphor of lindenmere, a darker, scarier, more dangerous version of cabeswater (i.e. trc ronan), because “dangerous things can protect themselves”. we see this once again at the end, when he assumes his sundogs have torn someone apart limb from limb and he feels absolutely no regret, only rage. yes, matthew was in danger... but kavinsky also tried to kill matthew in tdt, and ronan still didn’t feel like he could kill kavinsky in cold blood. this is a new, darker ronan, brought to this point by desperation. he reminds me a lot of anakin in the prequel star wars movies (i know, i know...) and how he let his fear lead him to the dark side by trusting a powerful, shady mentor that he should never have trusted. how does it go? “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to suffering.” and suffering leads to - or maybe is the dark side.

4.“Holding Out For A Hero”

still, you might say, why is ronan falling for bryde’s manipulation so easily? can he not see through it? how can he trust someone he doesn’t know, someone who refuses to be upfront with him? someone his psychic boyfriend with an uncanny character judging skills is understandably wary of?

in short... ronan needs a hero.

or well, he needs a father, and those things are the same to him. ronan idolised niall, and he’s missed him terribly ever since niall diad. he missed him badly enough that he wanted to die for a very long time. now he’s coming to terms with the fact niall isn’t coming back, and not just that, but it turns out that niall might not be everything ronan thought he was (ronan hasn’t fully realised it yet, but he’ll get there; he’s starting to put the pieces together, from what declan and other people tell him of niall).

but if he accepts that niall’s gone, and worse, that niall wasn’t the infallible hero ronan thought he was... who has he got left to guide him? niall wasn’t just his father, either, but he was the only dreamer ronan knew for the longest time (the only other one was kavinsky, who sexually assaulted him and tried to kill his brother, so... not a great example) and yet he didn’t give ronan any guidance. and ronan needs dreamer guidance right now, with the nightwash threatening to kill him at every step.

enter bryde, promising all that and more. bryde’s not only a dreamer, he comes across like the alpha dreamer, ancient and powerful and all-knowing. he promises ronan tantalising answers, and even more importantly than that, he promises him community -- other people like him, so he won’t feel alone, so he won’t feel like a freak or an abomination; it has not yet occurred to ronan that (as maggie said in her video explaining the art/creation metaphor of the series) not all dreamers are equal: they don’t share the same skills or motives.

ronan is desperate for what bryde is promising, for that kind of guidance in his life. all throughout the book, there is a lot of talk of heroes: ronan was raised on stories of the irish heroes of old, who accomplished amazing feats even though they were held back by geasa (magical weaknesses like his nightwash). ronan constantly thinks of these folk stories, while excluding himself from it (“ronan was no hero, but he knew fucking right from fucking wrong”). and how does he describe bryde when he finally sees him in ch. 79? yep, you guessed it:

“he looked like a man who didn’t have to posture, who knew his strength. he looked like a man who didn’t lose his temper very easily. he looked, ronan thought, like a hero.”

ronan -- who is always posturing, who doesn’t know his own strength, who loses his temper very easily, who doesn’t think he’s a hero -- sees bryde as everything he’s not. and he’s willing to show him the same faith and devotion he once showed niall, because he needs a hero, a father, a teacher.

but i don’t think bryde is going to be the hero. i think ronan is going to be. there’s some early foreshadowing of this with ronan being depicted as “a gallant irish hero of old” while he kills the crabs (more posturing, really) but actually, we’ve known this all the way since trk, with niall asking declan to make sure that “ronan was the name of the hero, not the spear”; dreamers are weapons, but they don’t have to be. being a hero, ultimately, is about knowing fucking right from fucking wrong. and i believe ronan does.

but before he gets to be the hero, he’ll have to be the spear. and right now? he’s a spear in bryde’s hand.

we know a dreamer is supposedly going to bring about the apocalypse through fire; we know ronan and fire have always been associated; we know bryde hates the modern world and would like to reboot it; we know bryde has selected ronan as his chosen one, for whatever reason.

when you connect the dots, they spell a whole lot of trouble.

#ronan lynch #bryde #cdth #cdth meta #dreamer trilogy meta #mp #i could go on and on and on (and i have)#but i gotta post this now bc i need to get back to work #what a trip this book is though #much to think about #hmmm #dt #meta #cdth spoilers #my meta #swtwc

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