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#could i be wrong with my explanation? yes
When you point out how neurodiversity affects whole areas of the brain, not just what we see as the presentation symptoms, it seems so obvious. I've known that many neurodivergent conditions have high rate of co-morbidities, but haven't thought about what that would mean. I really liked your explanation of what else dyslexia affects, it made me recategorise some of my sister's mom behaviours. I see time blindness, some executive dysfunction, organisation difficulties and go, yup, I've got that too, it's normal, and forget that most people don't struggle with that (I've suspected I have undiagnosed ADHD for years, but never got checked for it, since I suggested it my dad freaked out, insisting there was nothing wrong with me. I really should though)
May I ask how your synaesthesia manifests for you? I'm always curious about how neurodiversity manifests in people and how it affects them, because there are so many minor and major things not talked about. I apologise if that question makes you uncomfortable, you don't have yo answer it.
Anyway, thank you for your explanation! It made a lot of things click all at once for me.
If you want lots of examples of how my synaesthesia works, I have a tag you could trawl here. But, I have a few different types; the common numbers-have-colours one, but I also get textures and sensations and feelings, and about... literally everything. Numbers, words, people's voices, names, personalities, the plots of media, images, everything.
Soooo, yeah. Sensory overload is the big impact; trial and error over the years has shown me it's primarily auditory, so if I can wear earplugs I can cope for longer in 'busy' environments. The other thing is that it really does a number on my mathematical ability, though, because, I shit you not, the colours get in the way. When I was a small child I was shown that 3 + 5 = 8, and my brain went "Yes, orange + pink = brown, got it" and ever since then if I see a 3 and a 5 together in a sum it DOES NOT MATTER what the operator is, I immediately assume the answer is 8. 3 plus 5? 8. 3 minus 5? Also 8. 3 times 5? Buddy you'll never guess. But it's 8.
It takes conscious effort not to do this T_T
The other thing is that I really, REALLY suffer from this thing where someone goes "Hey, we should watch Program X" but the problem is, you see, the problem is, I cannot stand the sensation I get from the name Program X, and therefore I will not watch it out of disgust that is totally unrelated to the actual show. This applies to all media, places, human beings, etc. (It is obviously a thing I have to be careful of when it's human beings.)
I think everything else I have is ADHD-related though, so that's probably everything I can put down to the synaesthesia.
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Half questioning my memory of the post s4 era, half side eying a certain character, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think there was ever a time when the Buddie fandom fully took the single “Evan” from the season 4 finale as Eddie receiving “Evan” privileges from then on. From my recollection, fics stayed mostly consistent with their uses of “Evan” by Eddie, perhaps just with an emphasis on important moments (love confessions, Christopher’s adoption papers, wedding vows, NDEs, etc.) after the finale. And I had to stop myself from wondering why that is because I know why. We all know. Because nobody wanted to use “Evan” in fics when Buck had just told his parents that people who know him call him Buck. So Buddie fandom heard that, accepted it, and uses it only sparingly. In canon and fanon, even Maddie only rarely uses “Evan” anymore, and it feels even less common for her to use post-Buck Begins (if at all, actually). So the fact that Tommy and BT fans tend to use “Evan” (at least, this has been my experience) is so utterly jarring. Buck told everyone his preference, and I believe LFJ has spoken about being told to use only “Evan” when referring to Buck, so I simply do not understand anyone who believes that BT is in love already or endgame. Yes, it could go the “Buck gave Tommy ‘Evan’ privileges off-screen” route, but then why push it off-screen? It would be a major allowance made for a new love interest, and a significant step in Buck’s character arc. Yet we see nothing of the sort. So why would anyone believe that’s what happened? The last we heard, Buck had told his parents and everyone else to call him Buck exclusively, with the minimal exception of Maddie (who was, for most of his childhood, his one and only lifeline and confidant). That sort of history and characterization is not ignored if there is not something very wrong with the writers’ room. It was not even ignored by a significant portion of the fandom post-season 4, although Eddie gaining permanent “Evan” privileges would’ve been a strong indicator of a Buddie endgame (had an on-screen explanation of Eddie gaining this privilege been released). It was not ignored, and it did not change the nature of Buck in fic nor fanon. So why in hell is the same not holding true for a brand new relationship like BT?
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poisonlove · 2 days
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Break up | j.o
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Pairing: Jenna Ortega X reader
It was a cold and foggy day in Romania, the gray sky seemingly merging perfectly with the gloomy and surreal atmosphere surrounding the set of Wednesday, Tim Burton's new project. I was walking down the corridor leading to the lounge, nervously clutching my jacket around me. The damp and biting air seemed to penetrate to the bone, but the tension inside me was even more oppressive. It had been three months since I last saw Jenna. Between my commitment to a horror film set in Los Angeles and Jenna’s long days of filming, our lives had intertwined in a chaos of distance and frenzy. That’s why I had decided to surprise my girlfriend.
"Hey." I nervously smiled at Emma, while her blue eyes sparkled with amusement, noticing my agitation.
"Jenna’s in there," she said with a smirk, pointing me toward the direction that would lead me to my girlfriend.
I nodded in understanding and made my way to the door that led to the lounge. The room was large but relatively quiet: a coffee machine in one corner of the room, a table, chairs, and a sofa at the other end. A few staff members were bustling around with cameras and props, my eyes searching for the one I loved and admired so much.
There she was.
Jenna was sitting on the sofa, her usual headphones around her ears, allowing her to isolate herself from the world while flipping through what looked like a script. I approached her, my heart pounding, and positioned myself in front of her. Her brown eyes slowly scanned my figure, so slowly that I could feel my heartbeat increase by the second. When her eyes met mine, I sighed and gave a spontaneous smile.
"Hi," I said with a small smile on my lips.
Jenna took off her headphones and left them around her neck.
She blinked in surprise. "I wasn’t expecting this," she murmured timidly, making me frown in confusion.
She got up from the sofa and gave me a quick hug, but it felt so strange and forced. "Is everything okay?" I asked nervously, a strange feeling creeping into my gut.
Jenna took a step back and looked at me without blinking, a small smile on her lips. "Yes... I’m just tired," she replied, her gaze drifting off into space. "This project is draining me."
I nodded, trying to smile in a way that would ease the tension. "I understand, maybe we can spend some time together afterward... you know, watch a movie or something."
"I don’t know, I have a cello lesson," she said calmly, her tired eyes meeting mine. Huge dark circles underlined the sleepless nights she had been through.
"Dinner, maybe?" I asked hopefully.
Jenna nodded timidly, but there was no enthusiasm on her face, only acknowledgment. I placed my hands on her waist and leaned in to capture her lips with mine. The kiss was mechanical. Her lips, once soft and warm, were now cold and distant.
Something was wrong.
"Jenna, can we talk?" I asked in concern. Something was off, and I needed answers.
She sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall, frowning. "Break’s almost over, I have to get back to the set."
Frustration started to build.
"It won’t take long, I promise," I insisted. I felt my voice tremble, but I couldn’t let this slip away without an explanation.
I took Jenna’s hand and led her toward the exit of the lounge. The biting cold hit my face immediately, making me feel the chill down to my bones. Jenna wrapped her arms around herself, trying to shield herself from the icy wind as her eyes watched me with a mix of anticipation and frustration. She quickly glanced around, almost cautiously, making sure no one was nearby before turning her attention back to me.
"What’s going on, Jenna?" My voice was a whisper, my fear too evident. I couldn’t ignore this distance between us.
She looked at me for a long moment, her expression impassive as if she were trying to find the right words. Finally, she sighed loudly. "Nothing, I’m just tired from work."
"Jenna..." I started, immediately picking up on her lie.
"Really, it’s nothing," she said with a smile.
"It’s not true," I insisted, the anger of being deceived taking over. "I know you, Jenna. Please, tell me what’s going on," I pleaded with a small voice, fear growing in my chest.
A tense silence settled between us, and my nervousness grew with each passing second. Jenna lowered her gaze, then raised it again with a look full of unease, as if a secret torment was consuming her. "I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what I want... We... we’ve been moving too fast," she finally admitted, her voice faltering with hesitation.
The realization hit me.
"What? Are you trying to say that..." I started, tears threatening to spill at any moment. No, it couldn’t be true. All the months spent together, the video calls, the kisses... Everything made sense.
Jenna looked at me with guilt.
"I..." she began, tears welling up in her eyes. Her lower lip trembled, and the awareness of what was about to happen hit me like a punch to the stomach.
"I’m exhausted, y/n," she admitted.
I quickly shook my head, unable to accept her words. "We can make it, Jenna. We can do it together," I suggested nervously, unwilling to give up so easily.
Jenna shook her head, making me feel an intense pain in my chest. "No, y/n. The distance, the work, all of this is hurting me," she confessed.
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
"It’s over between us," she murmured.
The world collapsed around me. There was nothing left to do; Jenna had already made her decision. I looked at her in pain, tears running down my cheeks as she gazed at me with sadness, the pain visible on her face.
"I’m sorry..." she added in a broken voice.
I bit my lower lip, trying to stifle a sob, and bowed my head, hiding my emotions. My heart was shattered, and a feeling of emptiness dominated my stomach. It was over. I turned my back and walked away from the set, the awareness that Jenna had left me dominating my thoughts.
Don’t turn back. Don’t turn back. Don’t go to her to try to change her mind. Don’t look into her eyes.
Don’t do anything.
Just move forward, even though the world had fallen apart.
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Family
In which Corvus realizes that he's a part of Soren's family. #Sorvus
 They didn’t talk much on the walk back. What was there to say? Aaravos was out, and they all had to assume that it had been Claudia who had freed him. Who else could have cast the spell? Not Viren after-
 Corvus tried to keep pace with Soren, but the other man seemed to be processing his grief by walking as swiftly as possible. But exercise couldn’t fix everything. He could hear him muttering something under his breath, his breathing focused. 
 “In through your nose, out through your mouth.”
 Corvus doubted Soren knew he could hear him, so didn’t mention it. Sometimes space was the best thing you could give someone. 
 It wasn’t fair. None of this was. Soren had already blamed himself for what happened in Katolis enough, and now knowing that the real pearl had been there all along? It had crushed him. He hadn’t said anything, but Corvus had seen it in his eyes. And Claudia… 
 Soren didn’t talk about his sister much, if ever. But Corvus remembered the two of them from when they’d first met. They had been inseparable. Sometimes Corvus forgot that his and Soren’s first real interaction had taken place after he hit him in the head with a rock. What a way to meet the man he loved.
 Lost in thought, he nearly walked straight into Soren, who had frozen on the path ahead of him. Coming to an abrupt halt, Corvus stepped up beside his partner, following his gaze. He let out a sigh of relief. Callum and Rayla were back. They would know what to do. And, by the looks of it, they had brought help.
 The elf standing beside them had deep blue markings similar to Rayla’s and the same, faintly curved horns twisting back from his head. His long, white hair was held back from his face in a loosely braided tail. 
 Corvus placed a hand on Soren’s shoulder, turning to reassure him, only to find the other man’s expression not at all relieved. He looked, and felt, tense.
 “Is there something wrong?”
 “It’s complicated.” Soren said with a heavy breath. Then he blinked, turning back to Corvus. “But I guess that’s the sort of thing we talk about now, isn’t it?”
 “Yes, I guess it would be.” Corvus replied, feeling a smile cross his face despite the circumstances. 
 “Do you want to talk about-” he began, but Soren was already barrelling into an explanation.
 “So that elf guy was one of the assassins - oh yeah, from back when Harrow uhm, you know - anyway, he was the one who did it and afterwards I was gonna kill him - cause bad assassin dude, obviously - but then Cla- my sister said that would be a waste so Viren locked him in the dungeon and I sort of assumed he was dead? But I guess he’s not. Oh, and also he’s Rayla’s Dad. One of them, anyway. So she wanted to bring him back from the dead? Except he wasn’t dead. But that was a while ago so I sort of thought she’d given up but apparently not and this time it worked! Yay! But also not yay because the last time I saw him I tried to kill him and also he tried to kill me and he did kill King Harrow and yeah.” Soren took a deep breath. “Tell me if I did that wrong.”
 Corvus stared at him, still processing everything he had just said. Soren blew a strand of hair out of his face. 
 “You deserve a break.” Corvus said finally. It was all he could think to say. Katolis, his father, his sister, and now this? Soren deserved a proper night’s rest without worrying about the end of the world. He needed one. Even though they’d managed to rest a bit earlier, Corvus could still see the bags under his eyes and the slightly slumped way he was holding himself.
 “How about this. I’ll go and talk to Rayla and Callum, tell them about the pearl-”
 “No.” Soren said it quickly, shaking his head. “She’s my sister. I need to be the one to tell them.”
 “Soren, she’s not your responsibility.”
 “Yes. She is. Corvus…” Soren wouldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead drifting to his shoes. “I’m not going to give up on her. I can’t.”
 “Of course not.” Corvus placed both his hands on Soren’s shoulders, turning him to face him. “But you can’t do anything right now. You’re exhausted and the others need to know about Aaravos.”
 “You can tell the-”
 “No.” Now it was Corvus’ turn to shake his head. “We’re going to do this together. I just got you back. I’m not letting you go again.”
 They both stared at each other for a moment. Corvus hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud. “What I meant was-”
 Soren leaned forward and kissed him quickly. It was all they had time for right now. 
 “I know what you meant. Me too.” he said after he’d pulled away, eyes sparkling.
 Corvus felt his face grow warm and hoped Soren couldn’t tell.
 “Well.” he said briskly. “If we’re going to do this, we’re not going to be able to do it alone. Those people over there.” he pointed towards where he could now see Ezran standing with Rayla and Callum, the two brothers embracing fiercely. “They’re your family. They’ll want to help you.” 
 “I don’t want to drag them into this.” Soren said with downturned eyes.
 “You won’t be. They’ll want to help if you just tell them what’s happened. That's what families do.”
 Soren seemed doubtful. Corvus knew that family was a loaded subject for him. It probably always would be. But he also knew that Soren had one of the strongest families he’d ever seen. 
 “Trust me.” 
 “I do.” Soren said. And that would have to be enough for now. 
 He squared his shoulders, turning to walk into the camp, and Corvus followed him. He saw Soren’s fingers twitch towards his empty scabbard as the other elf turned and looked at them. He was standing apart from the others, hanging to the edge of the camp. And now Corvus knew why. He’d thought that the past was just that, the past. But now he saw just how many old wounds were sitting just below the surface, waiting to be reopened.
 “Soren!” Rayla called, spotting them. “You’re okay!” she stopped, seeing the look on his face. “Soren?”
 Everyone turned to look at them then, and Corvus could see the lines of worry on Callum’s face, the tightness in his shoulders, the way that his hand still rested on Ezran’s shoulder The way that the king leaned gently against his brother’s side, as though the contact would help to alleviate some of the burden he carried. The nervous glances Rayla shot in Callum’s direction, as though to make sure he was still there. That he was okay.
 “We need to talk.” Soren said, voice low and quiet. “Someplace private.”
 “Soren, what happened?” Callum asked, grip tightening on his brother’s shoulder.
 “He’s out.” 
 The words were inconspicuous to anyone passing by. Trivial, even. But to them it was world shattering. 
 “How!?” Callum exclaimed, earning worried glances from a few passing civilians. He lowered his voice. “We had the pearl with us the whole time. We took it somewhere safe.”
 “We shouldn't be talking out in the open.” Ezran said, stepping out of his brother’s protective grip. “We don’t want to cause a panic.” And so that was how they found themselves, all five of them, crammed into Soren’s small tent on the outskirts of the encampment. Callum was sitting beside his brother, Rayla leaning her head against his other shoulder. They had left the other elvish man - Runaan, Rayla had called him - outside. Rayla had asked him to keep watch so that they weren’t disturbed, but they all knew that wasn’t why. He’d seemed to understand.
 As the hushed murmurs of explanation began, Corvus stepped back himself, ready to leave them to their discussion. He was a part of the council, sure. But this was far more private than that. A council within a council. Or, as Soren called them, the Dragang. They were more than just a governing body. They were a family, just like he’d said. 
 So he tried to step away, happy to leave them to it and not wanting to insert himself where he didn’t belong. But Soren’s hand closed around his wrist, pulling him back. 
 “I’d like you to stay, maybe. If you don’t mind.” he said, voice quieter even than the whispered discussion around them. 
 Corvus paused, glanced around at the group of them. There were no looks pointed in his direction to tell him that he was out of place. So he sat back down, clasping both his hands around Soren’s. 
 “Okay. I’ll stay.”
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tarre-was-right · 7 hours
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ROUND TWO: MATCH-UP ONE
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Remember, this is NOT about who would win in a fight. This is about who makes the best leader for Mandalore as a whole.
Explanation post
Seeding
Propaganda below the cut! You can submit more on this post and I will reblog it back to here!
New Propaganda
Anon: Korkie’s entire propaganda campaign for round two is him telling people to vote for Satine. Korkie: I’d love to win but I am a loyal so— nephew! I’m a loyal nephew! Therefore, I think she should win.
SATINE KRYZE
Anon: Satine because she served. Mandalorian fashion week would love her. Manda'slay.
Anon: Satine Propaganda: Was supported by the STRONG MAJORITY, led Mandalore to be in peace for NEARLY 20 YEARS, didn't ban mando'a or armour or any part of the culture like fandom claims, is a good fighter, considered EVERY Mandalorian a Mandalorian and didn't discriminate
@lightsaberwieldingdalek: Satine propaganda: she actually ran a functioning government. Not a mercenary band, or a death cult, or a terrorist extremist organisation, an actual functioning government. Yes there was corruption, corruption she did her best to stop to the point of personally getting in firefights with smugglers, but she took a planet devastated by civil war and by the end of her rule she had schools, public works, and a justice system. - Sure, the rest can run military operations (and we don’t know Satine couldn’t, only that she *won’t*) but can they make the bins get emptied regularly to go to the recycling plants?
KORKIE KRYZE
Anon: props for Korkie! We don't know enough to say that he'd be bad at the job like some people! He probably learned some of both what to do and what not to do from his aunts which gives him a leg up in the actual ruling part of things!
@spacetime1969: The kid's got that mandokar spirit. A little more practice in leadership and he could really shape up into someone great.
Anon: Korkie Kryze would be Satine's heir (if we assume she's a monarch rather than an elected official), he was raised to have a position in government, he helped end the career of a corrupt government official, he took classes under Jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano. Additional propaganda: He's my special little guy.
Anon: Korkie has been training basically his whole life to lead Mandalore, has seen first hand the struggles that Satine’s Mandalore had, he also knows what went wrong with the more traditional rulers of Mandalore, so he is perfectly poised to compromise the pacifist ideals of the New Mandalorians and the traditional values of the other citizens of Mandalore.
Anon: For Korkie propaganda: he was literally raised for the role; he showed himself to be a good leader and concerned with his people well-being; he actively works for and fights for his people when we see him; also he's loyal and smart which is always a bonus.
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longagoitwastuesday · 12 days
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Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff
#jjk spoilers#All the prettiest characters were brought back from apparent death#Nobara was okay and it's true that when I read the lawyer's and Kusakabe's fights against Sukuna I thought it was being kept vague#but to pull a Nobara with all of them... idk#No one stays dead here except for the people who actually care for the kids and by that I mean 'including Yuuji'#kinda lowkey bitter about it#Don't get me wrong I like the characters and also they're super pretty but idk It makes death feel cheap? And the high stakes kinda fake?#Choso Gojo and Nanami actual only characters who died apparently#Well. Poor Itadori#And Kusukabe goes and runs his mouth that way in front of the kid. He is not entirely wrong but also he very much is#And yes he also says 'don't worry it's not for you to feel guilty over anything you're just kids' but also he did very much say that thing#about it all being Gojo's fault for not killing Itadori. In front of Itadori who feels guilty for that precisely#and in front of Megumi who asked Gojo to spare him and also went through the experience of Sukuna using his body as well#So Kusukabe's reassurance about them just being kids and not to feel guilty falls a bit empty#It does feel in character but man it truly makes one appreciate the way Gojo and Nanami dealt with the kids a lot more haha#Ui Ui seems like a dear#Anyway... this chapter felt a bit lame for the most part for me? I like the idea of the characters discussing the could have/would have#and feeling guilt and helplessness over their choices but the way it was done felt a bit lame and without any real emotional punch#It felt more like an explanation to the reader in an awkward way. And there's a lot of empty chat about guilt and grief#without any of the characters really giving off a grieving air about everything and everyone they've lost#And this is precisely what I felt was going to happen with this manga's writing haha#I truly don't understand this kind of writing choices. Contrary to some other shonen writers this author did seem to have the potential#to write this kind of thing well besides the worldbuilding and powers and fight stuff. It's truly a pity. It so breaks my heart#And still this is considered one of the good shonens. Well. WELL haha#I do think shonen can be good! I just think it falls almost always even when there's potential into bery shallow writing#I don't know. Maybe I should read that one Alchemist manga#I've been repeatedly told that one's good and it does seem like it doesn't do... this. But I find the art style so not to my linking#I wish I had never gotten into JJK for real for real. I absolutely adore it. I always end up frustrated. It could be so good. Genuinely good#And yet it's just okay in a sort of forgettable way. What a pity#Everything good ever is present but it never dares do anything to fully explore what it sets. It just does the typical shonen stuff
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demigodofhoolemere · 4 months
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Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.
Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:
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#doctor who#dw critical#spoilers#dw spoilers#i get it edgelord you don’t care for religion. you don’t have to alienate religious members of the audience.#i at least appreciated that the doctor agreed with splice that gone and dead are different things and told her to keep the faith#but like. he immediately thereafter still tells mundy that he doesn’t like faith and spent the whole episode disparaging it.#which just feels so wrong for a show that’s supposed to be open minded about the beliefs and cultures all across the universe#i hate when writers gratuitously make the doctor take a hard and broad stance on something that he would NOT#reminds me of s8 when twelve suddenly hated all soldiers#as if some of his closest friends haven’t been soldiers? brigadier? benton and yates? sara?#big difference between corrupt military and literally every soldier#the same way there is a big difference between a corrupt religious organization or individuals who use religion as an excuse for cruelty#and like. ALL faith and the idea of having a faith that you live by whatsoever.#just because his comments were aimed at something corrupt doesn’t mean they weren’t WAY too sweeping as if he meant it on the whole#i definitely enjoyed the bulk of the episode but that just felt like it was done in bad faith and made me uncomfortable#and i just read moffat’s comment on the thoughts and prayers thing and UGH#i get why there are circumstances in which that can feel hollow — usually if it’s coming from a corporation that could actually do somethin#but can we not villainize all the normal people who genuinely mean that with love?#people who often CAN’T do anything but say prayers for you?#that IS a legitimate response and a legitimate action#someone can’t physically aid you but cares to take the time to talk to the God of the universe about you and your need and plead for you#don’t tell me that isn’t love or that it’s not really doing anything#sometimes that’s all you CAN do and it’s more than people give it credit for#blatant disregard and willful misunderstanding of faith like this just rub me wrong#it’s painting with a broad brush and it’s close minded#and yes i’m gonna post this. i’m feeling controversial.#my love/aggravation relationship with moffat continues#in the wise words of kira nerys. if you don’t have faith you can’t understand it and if you do then no explanation is necessary.
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monards · 6 months
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i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
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girl-bateman · 3 months
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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suguae · 8 months
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Haunted
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Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.
Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)
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You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.
How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.
Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 
And perhaps that's what it was. 
Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.
And it was wrong—so wrong. 
“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.
But not this time.
He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 
“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 
Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.
He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 
You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.
The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 
Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.
Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 
“I’m sorry—”
“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”
The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 
“And how are you so sure—”
“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 
It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 
His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.
You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 
That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.
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next part ->
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gojoscloset · 9 months
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NSFW but the boys cumming prematurely simply by kissing has been on my mind heavy lately like—
I know I need to stop but I can’t stop thinking about getting hot and heavy with them and apparently it gets too hot too fast and they’re so embarrassed but you’re chill about it you actually find it hot endearing.
Satoru whose body stiffened as he pulled his lips away from yours. You could feel his body slightly shake and twitch beneath you, and he's looking at you with a sheepish expression, widened eyes and his lips slowly curled into an embarrassed grin. He makes jokes of the situation to ease his embarrassment and he explains how it wouldn’t affect his performance, confidence wavering in the slightest but you simply laugh at his jokes and assure him that it was okay and you actually found it cute.
Ooof or how Suguru is probably the one who is most embarrassed, pushing his body off of yours interrupting the steamy make out session. You wondered if you did something wrong but you knew that wasn’t the case when you looked at his expression. Head hung low and you both watched as the bulge in his sweats twitched, staining the gray with milky white drops that pushed past the fabrics. He facepalmed to cover his reddening face and apologized profusely. You didn’t mean to laugh but you did, giggles escaping your lips and you cupped his face that was hot to the touch, to let him know it was nothing to be embarrassed about.
Or Nanami who groaned into your lips, roughly grabbing your hips to stop from grinding on his. He looked down and you followed suit, eyeing how his legs flexed while his dick twitched some, a growing wet spot now visible on his slacks. He looked up at you, panting and speechless, confused expression on his face because this has never happened to him and he didn’t even know it was possible. He opened his mouth to say something but didn’t know what to say. You gave him a smile and guided your hips back on his, you didn’t need an explanation, you just needed him.
Gosh I’m a slut for tropes like these. Like yes love me love me love me love me.
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jontheketeld · 1 year
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youtube
saying you imagined it is an old excuse. scientists often say it when there is no evidence.
such examples include:- "penacillin is not medicine. it is a dream of the uneducated" "i'm sure the planet neptune is real to the believers" "electricity only makes sense in his twisted mind"
all of these were said by scientists.
you can in fact prove that at least in some cases the person they were aware of was not in their own head as the stranger imparted knowledge that was beyond the witness'es experience.
you can't just imagine new factual information without having any possible was to attain that info yourself.
it could be just a very real person that others didn't see and did not come forward after the event.
that in fact makes a lot more sense than being imaginary as it's easy to simply not see a person in the right conditions like for example during a heavy snow storm.
less provable options include that it is in fact people but somehow they have methods for evading detection i.e. some sort of futuristic stealth gear unknown to the public.
if aliens visit our planet in secret and witness the struggle they might be compelled to help despite the risk involved.
similar logic can be applied to all kinds living in secret crooks on the run, people living in the wild, nomads, partially civilised tribal groups, hippie hunter gatherers, fantastic creatures with bad experiences of humans, the list of outlier shelterfolk just goes on and on.
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criminalamnesia · 7 months
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HIIII!!! I just wanted to say that i really love ur writing! I've read ur traitor series and I can't wait for part 4! I'm a new author, and english isn't my first language, so it's sometimes very hard for me to write bcs i'm stil not that good, but ur fics have helped me improve<3💗!
thank you so much!🫶 im glad you’ve enjoyed the series! and speaking of part four, here it is :)
ALL PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE
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simon didn’t turn to watch you leave the gym.
he stood there, eyes forward, mask clenched in one fist. he could feel the blood drying on his skin. he made no move to wipe it away.
he didn’t blame you for your anger— he couldn’t. he understood the rage. had felt it himself a time or two.
but he couldn’t take everything lying down.
did he deserve your wrath, your fury? yes— and he knew that. there was no making up for what he did; he realized that, but why couldn’t you understand?
he’d never fully taken his walls down around you, and that was no fault of your own. he was a guarded man, and his past gave him every right to be.
he had been burned and broken too many times. he’d seen the people he loved murdered because of him.
he swore he would never let that happen again. he put those walls up, and you knocked some of them down.
but there were some you’d never gotten through, at least, simon told himself you hadn’t. there was always something he was holding back, a piece of himself he wouldn’t give freely. he told himself it was because he couldn’t stand to love you so deeply and then watch you leave.
but really, it was because he needed an out. he needed a way to justify his leaving if something ever happened— and that’s what got him here.
simon trusted the 141 with his life. he trusted his captain with his life. price had never led him astray; john knew his face well before any of the others. well before you.
and when someone you trust so deeply, someone you’ve followed for years, tells you that the person you love has betrayed your team?
you can’t help but believe them. and that’s what simon did.
the evidence was coincidental at first. wrong place, wrong time. but then, everything started to seem like more than a coincidence. pieces of a complicated puzzle were fitting together. things only you and the rest of the 141 would know were leaked.
and all the signs pointed to you.
and although he didn’t want to, simon couldn’t help it. the second price had confided in him that you may be the rat, simon began to distance himself. you had been confused, but he had offered no explanation.
price was the one to question you first. it was a heated conversation in his office, consisting of him showing you the evidence and you becoming furious at the accusations.
johnny came to you next, buttering you up with his flirtatious and unarming words before asking if you’d leaked information.
then there was kyle, who pleaded for the truth. he told you that a case was being built against you, and that if you came clean now, things wouldn’t be so bad.
simon never tried to talk to you about it. the other men would tell him what you’d said, but he had never gone to talk to you himself.
maybe it was pride. simon wasn’t trusting, not after his past. he had let the 141 in, had let you in. and now you were a suspected traitor, and he was angry at himself. angry he hadn’t seen it sooner; angry he’d let you in at all.
but maybe it was hurt. hurt that you’d done this to him, to the team, after knowing everything they’d been through. after stitching up wounds on the battlefield and taking bullets for one another. after sharing simon’s bed and whispering you loved him.
all he knew was that he trusted price. and as evidence built, so did the distance between the two of you, until you were tied to that chair.
and simon had taken his hurt, his anger, out on you. he wasn’t proud of it, and he knew now that he was wrong. but he was still a little angry. angry because you couldn’t see his side of things— not like he could see yours.
so, he was an ass. he didn’t apologize. he snuck flowers to your bedside but kept his distance. he told you to watch your tone because you were still part of the team, and speaking to price like that was only something an outsider would do.
and he told you that he’d spared your life because he had. anger had consumed him, and truthfully, you were lucky he hadn’t done worse.
even if he’d smothered his feelings for you with rage, he still harbored love for you, and that’s why some part of him held back.
he knew you would probably never forgive him. he had made his peace with that.
but he couldn’t stand the fact that you couldn’t understand why he’d done what he did.
the creak of the gym door opening broke simon from his thoughts. he pulled his mask back on before turning around and making his way to the door.
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it took one firm knock on the door for price to answer.
the door clicked open, and price sighed when he saw simon, scrubbing a hand over his unruly beard before letting the taller man in. price turned, walking back to his desk chair, while simon closed the door behind him and locked it.
“this is a bloody mess,” the captain said, falling heavily into the chair. it squeaked at the sudden weight, old leather crinkling and crackling.
“doc came and saw me earlier, ‘fore she left for the night. told me about some new injuries, and yelled at me for letting that happen.”
simon didn’t speak. price’s eyes met his, and he sighed again.
“fuckin’ hell, simon. what the fuck did you say? doc said she had to stitch up both their hands.”
“doesn’t matter what I say,” simon spoke, eyes still on the captain “they won’t fuckin’ listen.”
price shook his head. “that’s not true, ‘nd we both know it,” he sounded tired as he spoke, dark bags under his eyes. he paused for a moment, then spoke again.
“spoke to laswell after you left earlier. she said she’ll try to speed up the transfer process. tryin’ to avoid more fuss, and im not fightin’ it any longer.”
“they’re part of our team,” simon spoke, tone rough.
price shook his head. “they are, but I can’t keep doin’ this. can’t keep pushin’ off transferin’ because of you lot. it may be better for us, but not for them.”
the room fell quiet. simon inhaled, exhaled. his fists clenched at his sides before quickly unfurling once more.
he didn’t have a right to be mad at you for leaving, but he was.
“laswell say anythin’ else about tha’ transfer?” simon asked.
price leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “not much. no word on where or with who, but even if she knew, doubt she’d tell us. for their sake.”
simon gave a small nod and made to turn, but froze as price spoke again.
“she did say she didn’t know if it would go through. they’d have to pass another eval.”
they both knew what that meant. if laswell said that, then she didn’t believe the transfer would happen. kate wouldn’t outwardly say it, but price had known what she’d meant.
pushing the transfer through wouldn’t matter if you couldn’t pass a physical and psychological evaluation— and laswell didn’t think you could.
although he wouldn’t admit it, price was unsure, too. torture was something that took an incredibly devastating toll on the mind and body.
but torture at the hands of your team? there was no telling the damage that that would do to someone. to you.
an honorable discharge was more likely. and, if that was the case, then your rage would likely grow tenfold.
you career, your livelihood, taken from you by the hands of the men you trusted the most. your family, cutting you up and pushing you out.
damned by your team and your country, regardless of everything you’d done for both of them during your service.
you were just another cog in the machine, one that had been damaged and discarded, and a discharge couldn’t make that any clearer.
he thought back to what you had said in the gym earlier, before you’d left.
‘you should have killed me.’
maybe he should have.
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thanks to everyone for your patience! also just incase you didn’t see my post about it—
im no longer doing a taglist! my side blog @troiastitans will reblog my works from now on, so if you want to know when I post, follow that account and allow notifications!
as always, thank you for the love! (also I hope you all enjoyed a little peek into simon’s head!)
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satangcrush · 1 month
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pact marks pt 2
✦ CAST: lucifer, mammon, levi ✦ SUMMARY: brothers’ reaction to you hiding your pact marks (reader has hair covering the back of their neck for lucifer) ✦ WC: 2.3k-ish
[PART 1] | [PART 2] | [PART 3] | MASTERLIST
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Lucifer
Will mention it in passing to find out more about why the pact mark is gone but will not interrogate further. Instead, it keeps him up in bed wondering why you weren’t wearing the mark with pride LOL
.
The clear sound of someone clearing their throat caught your attention as you paused in your note-taking to glance up at the culprit who broke the silence in the library. The towering figure above you makes for a dashing picture although you weren’t sure why he was hanging around you when there was a perfectly good chair opposite you that he could take a seat in.
“Can I help you…?” You trailed off as you started racking your brain for any misconduct that you might have done in the past week that he was posing as an intimidating shadow above you. Either way, it was always a safe bet to apologise first.
“I’m sorry.” You blurted out, nervousness making your heart beat a little faster. This should be enough, right? This time, you can see his expression morph into one of confusion and a hint of…frustration. 
His breath escaped with a sigh, “Why is it that whenever I come to talk, you always apologise first?” The mirth in his voice obvious as he pulled out the chair beside you to take a seat.
Oh okay, he was sitting beside you. Great, maybe you did do something wrong that you simply couldn’t recall at the moment. Or maybe, Satan and Belphie tattled on you about the prank you had helped out with last week.
He cleared his throat again, folding his hands pristinely on the table. “I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?” You paused in your movement, ink blotting on the sheet of paper as you pondered fervently for an appropriate reply.
“What’s up with the artificial pleasantries?” You asked warily, not sure what to make of his behaviour. You leveled him with an even stare, as you tried to decipher his thoughts.
He stared at you, noting your defensive position, with your shoulders to your ears and the way you gripped your writing utensil tightly, “Are you a masochist? Do you like my scolding that much?” He stared at you with a deadpan expression, leaning forward to flick your forehead gently.
“Relax.” He demanded, uncurling your fingers to wring your pen away as he placed the cap back to its rightful position. You continued to look at him doubtfully, leaning back in your chair as you hummed a tune that you had picked up from Levi’s anime.
(You had an idea why he was seeking you out now.)
You wore an inquisitive smile, angling your head in the way you knew Lucifer liked. “I feel like you have a question for me?” You deliberately drawled out the end of your sentence, bringing your legs up to tuck it under your chin. With his piercing stare, he met your eyes, bright crimson eyes flashing as he snorted, “Do I?”
“Well if you don’t, I’ll go back to my studies then.” You proceeded to reach out for your pen in Lucifer’s grasp, smiling when a gloved hand enclosed it further away from you, holding it high above his head. 
“Fine.” He huffed, finally dropping all pretenses. “I heard that the shady sorcerer taught you something new.”
You nodded in return, not providing any further explanation. If he wanted to know any other details, he would need to learn how to put his big boy pants on and ask you with words instead. 
He continued to look pointedly at you, his feet tapping an incessant rhythm on the carpeted floor. When he realised he wasn’t going to get any other information from you, he continued, ”He taught you how to cover up the pact marks, correct?”
“Yes, he indeed taught me how to cover these up,” You motioned to the back of your neck, moving your hair out of the way so he could get a better view as you rotated in your seat. “See, it’s not there.” You said triumphantly, turning back to face him.
He had a complicated expression on his face, a dark scowl planted on his lip. “Lucifer?” You called out, a teasing remark already at the tip of your tongue but before you could let it slip, he abruptly stood up to excuse himself, saying that he had to finish some work.
You sat there, bewildered. For a second, you actually contemplated standing up to chase after him but then against your better judgement, you decided not to.
‘Well, he can work through those feelings by himself before coming back to you.’ You pondered before turning back to your notes and noticing the mess left behind. Damn it, you would need to rewrite your notes seeing as the ink had seeped through... as well as getting a new pen as Lucifer had left with it.
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Mammon
Out of everyone, he would be the loudest at making it known that he disliked you not showing the pact.
.
“HUH?! Where did it go?!” A hand shot out and grabbed onto your wrist, making you stretch out your arms as you hurled forward in the hallway and into the chest of someone.
“Wha-” Putting your hands on his chest, you pushed back the assailant and instead met the worried expression on the Avatar of Greed’s face, “Mammon?” With a hesitant voice, you tried to tug your hand away from his scrutinising eyes.
“Arghhh… The mark! I don’t believe it! Where did the mark go?!” The panicked voice of Mammon resounded in your ears, a shrill symphony that rang throughout your head. He proceeded to grab onto your shoulder, spinning you around so many times as if an answer would apparate in thin air if he did it enough times.
You were starting to feel dizzy, the unmistakable taste of bile forcing its way up your throat. In the serene recesses of your mind, you wondered if you should just puke on Mammon and call it a day. Unfortunately, you knew that Lucifer would still make you clean up the mess and you just weren’t in the mood for it.
‘Then, there’s only one way left.’ You thought to yourself, sending a silent apology along Mammon’s way.
“Stay!” As Mammon got flung to the ground, you also ended up shooting for the ground as his arms were around you. You closed your eyes tightly to brace yourself for the impact, comforting yourself with the thought that you could just blame Mammon if you ended up with any injuries.
A yelp escaped you as you grabbed onto his shirt , as one of his hand rises up to latch on the back of your head as he tried to cushion your fall. With a poorly concealed grimace, you sat up rubbing your head with one hand while the other hand found its bearings below you… which was surprisingly soft and pillowy? 
“H-hey… Are ya’ done feeling me up?! I’m ‘bout to suffocate here! Get off!” With your face burning, you quickly stood up, dusting yourself off before you offered a hand out for Mammon to grab.
He looked at the offered hand suspiciously, eyes thinning as he stared at a particular spot on your ring finger… Oh, right. Your pact mark. Right. Darn, you had hoped that none of them noticed so that you wouldn’t need to explain yourself.
“Oh, I learned how to conceal the pact marks. See?” You raised your head, finger pointing to the column of your neck, where it once laid the mark of the Avatar of Sloth. Mammon remained silent for a second, hands furling and unfolding by his side. “Well, I don’t care that ya hid the rest of the pact marks, but you can’t hide mine! No way!”
You looked at him, amused by his spluttering. “...And why’s that?” 
“Why do ya’ even need to ask? You’re my human! You should be wearing my mark…” He grumbled under his breath, voice turning into a mutter towards the end.
“Well, I’m going to keep the pact marks hidden for now so that I get used to it. Also, I feel like I get too much attention when the pact marks are out on display.” You complained, mouth warping into a sulk as you remembered how the lesser demons almost broke their neck while trying to get a glimpse at your pact marks. Your eyebrows furrowed as you crossed your legs to sit down when it seemed that Mammon wasn’t going to get his butt off the floor.
“But-”
“No buts. This is my decision, Mammon.” You shushed him gently, pushing him down to lay on his back as you hovered over him, blocking the lights from the hallway out from his eyes. Once satisfied that he wasn’t going to argue, you laid down beside him as he instinctively spread out his arm to let you lay on it.
“Now shut up and just lay down with me for a minute.”
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Levi
First, he will start with his yucky otaku tantrum. He will just cautiously mention it once while you guys are gaming and then when you give an answer, he will go like, “ofc u don't want the mark of a yucky gross otaku” even though you are indulging in the same interest as him rn… like okay guess we are both yucky otakus tgt! 
.
You know the word had gotten out that you had learnt to conceal your pact marks so you were pleasantly surprised that Levi hadn’t actually questioned you about it yet. It could be because of the fact that his pact mark was usually hidden so it’s not as obvious as the other demon brothers or honestly, you knew it was because he was too shy.
Thus, you had decided to wear a comfy pair of shorts today for your gaming session with Levi, the fabric shorter than what you would choose to opt for on a normal day of relaxation. You shrugged as you headed to the kitchen, maybe you were a sadist but you really wanted to see Levi’s reaction.
“Levi, I’m here,” You announced your presence while kicking the door open to his room, carrying snacks that you had gotten earlier. The back of Levi’s tousled head greeted you and you observed that he had already set down your usual blanket in your spot, though he seemed to be currently engrossed in his game.
An evil idea brewed in your head and immediately, you dropped the snacks you were carrying and snuck behind Levi to cover his eyes with your hands, “Guess who?” You leaned closer, nudging his headphones out of the way so you could blow hot air in his ear. 
Levi sprung back with a loud shriek, hands flying up to grab at yours, which you reluctantly set down at his insistence. “Surprise?” You chuckled smugly and knelt down beside him to grab your own pair of headphones lying on the blanket. After wearing them, you sat back down not noticing the lack of silence from Levi as you continued chattering. 
Having been struck speechless from your audacity, Levi was now too distracted by the flash of skin visible from your shorts riding up. He startled, noticing the smooth skin where his mark used to occupy, and felt the familiar glimmer of envy brewing in the pit of his stomach, clawing its way up and making itself home in the heart of his throat. He finally snapped out of his head when you paused in your speech, clearly waiting for an answer from him.
As you entertained yourself while setting up the multiplayer game that Levi had set out, you couldn’t help but notice the furrow in his eyebrows and his clenched fist around his controller. You shifted your weight from side to side, watching as his gaze followed the movement of your shorts.
Bingo.
“Do you like my shorts that much?” Your lips widened into a cheshire-like grin.
Levi almost puked out blood. Beads of sweat started making themselves apparent on his forehead as he scrambled for a defense; having mixed feelings at your accusation of him sounding like a pervert. 
Was it really an wrongful accusation when he liked seeing your skin, just not without his mark on it?
“No, I mean yes! I was just staring because the mark is gone--" Ah… he definitely had just messed up. He just had to go and say it. He just had to go and say what he was thinking in his head. Levi slowly turned his attention, dragging his eyes up from your unblemished skin only to meet a broad smirk plastered on your face. The smile was so big and aggravating that he wanted to take his controller and throw it at your head.
“Why didn’t you continue?” The impish smirk on your face made Levi want to punt you into the next century so that he could peacefully crawl into a hole and die, “I wanted to hear you confess that you couldn’t keep your eyes away from my thigh too, Levi-chan.”
He thinks that he could probably die of embarrassment now. First, he professed that he liked your shorts, and now you probably think that he was some weirdo, wanting to see his mark on you, like some kind of branding cattle.
The sound of your laughter rang in his ears as he covered his face with his arms, dropping his controller to the ground. “Urgh, I hate you.” He said melodramatically, shoulders slumped even as you tried to tug his hands away from his face.
“Aw, baby. Don’t be sad, I won’t conceal the mark during our gaming session ‘kay?” You cooed, tone infuriatingly playful. Successful in your attempt to push his hands down, you peppered the Avatar of Envy with kisses and dragged him over so that you could properly embrace him. 
Levi knew he was still red-faced so he buried his face into the crook of your neck, arms wrapping around your waist as you continued coddling him. “Don’t tease me like that again,” He muttered despondently, a frown staying on his face. A small laugh escaped as you replied with a half-hearted affirmation while ruffling his hair.
Honestly, he already knew that you wouldn’t hold up your end of your bargain but how could he possibly be angry when all of your attention is focused on him?
…Huh. Maybe he was a masochist, after all.
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a/n▸ here are my hcs on the placement of the pact marks:Luci - back of neck leading to your spine, because he wants u to THINK.Mammon - around ring finger on ur dominant hand bc u always use that hand to payLevi - around right thigh because his tail always curls there and it just feels special to himalso, im positive theres no mention of pact mark in the OG story so im very curious as to how this idea became so prevalent in the community
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lidiasloca · 15 days
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hi! could you do an azriel fic where he gets really angry/upset and reader is the only one who can help him calm down and open up?
you calm azriel when he is upset
azriel x reader
fluff
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆
You walk to the balcony, not even bothering to grab a jacket to ward off the night's chill. You had arrived about two minutes ago, and Rhys had told you immediately what had happened. 
It was a vague explanation, probably because you had stopped listening the second he said the mission had gone wrong. A mission Azriel was in. You cut him off, asking where Az was. If he was fine. If he-
“He’s fine, Y/N. Calm down. He’s at the balcony.” And that was all you needed. You turned to go and find him outside. But Rhys stopped you. “Wait,” he starts, running a hand over his face in worry. “He’s - he doesn’t want to see anyone. He’s in a very bad mood. The mission… it’s affected him.”
“I’ll try.”
“Y/N. Don’t make him regret later about how he treats you now. He’ll hate himself for it.”
“I can take a few unkind words, Rhys. Especially if I know he won’t mean any.” Especially if it’s him, but you didn’t dare confess that. “Let my try,” you asked instead. 
He gave you a tight nod in answer. 
And now you are here. Taking careful steps towards the male, his back turned. You can sense something is off. Maybe Rhysand was right. Maybe it’s better to leave him alone. 
But your feet keep moving. And then, it’s too late.  
“Get inside, Y/N” he commands. 
You try to sidetrack him. “How did you know it was me?”
But he’s silent, so you command your feet to walk closer enough so you can take a look at his face. 
When you are next to him, he moves his face to look away. You don’t try getting closer, moving your gaze to the sight in front of you. The night was beautiful, very cold, but beautiful. 
Your eyes follow a line of stars, going down and down until your eyes meet Azriel’s, who observes you without expression. 
You can still see the glints of anger in his eyes, frustration painting his tense body. But the silence has made him calmer, so you seize the opportunity. “How are you?”
“Fine.”
Guess this is not going to be easy. You decide to go all in. 
“Rhys has told me the mission didn’t go well.”
He lets out a loud sigh. “Will you get inside,” he says exasperated. “I don’t want you here” You try not to flinch at his rudeness. 
“I know you don’t. But… I didn’t want you to be alone.”
He is silent, but at least he is looking at you. There is a more neutral expression in his face that gives you hope. 
“You… I hate that you always see me like this. Why do you always come when - never mind.”
Now you are the one quiet. Silent for the vulnerably lacing his words. 
“Because I care for you, Azriel,” you reply, your voice soft as a whisper. As if you were sharing secrets. The way his eyes regard you intently, intensifies the intimate feeling. 
He doesn’t have any words for a reply. So you continue. “Az, you don’t have to tell me what happened today. Not if you don’t want to. But please don’t close in yourself completely. Let me try to help you.”
He has never been a worldly male, yet his prolonged silence is killing you tonight. 
But you don’t feel like pushing him further. 
Eventually, as if he had been giving thought to your proposition, he replies, “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes. Help me,” he says, and you see the effort he puts in giving you a weak smile. “Please.”
You suddenly hype up. Joy filing your lungs as you say, “Thank you, Az. You won’t regret it. Now,” you say, smiling broadly. “I think this will make you better: Board games with Cassian!”
He shakes his head, still smiling. “I think I am already regretting this,” he tells you, but the bright in his eyes tells you he is much better than a minute ago. And that is all you need. 
“Well - how about,” you start, too exited about your brilliant idea. “I convince Nesta to play with us.”
“Mmmm, that is a good offer. You know how I love watching Nesta destroy him in a game.”
“I know well.”
He pretends to think about it, and you feel eternally thankful that he is putting in an effort to make this work. That he is letting himself think that he can unburden himself from his demons. To let himself have fun with you. 
“I think it’s a deal,” he says, cocking his head in interest when he takes in your broad grin, your overjoyed look. 
You extend your hand, waiting his to seal the stupid deal.
He is hesitant for a second, a flash of sadness in his eyes. But he extends it at last, shaking yours in a gentle movement.
“Thank you, Az.”
He responds to you without words, moving his hand in a caress, going from your hand to your arm, and up, up. He has his hand on your cheek when he whispers, “Thank you.”
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-Characters by Sarah J Maas
HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3
and you can also request any fic idea you have through my inbox so i can write it down :)) i much appreciate requests for azriel and other acotar characters
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lumiambrose · 1 month
Note
LUMI LUMI LUMI LUMI LUUUUUMI
Would you please be so kind as to luminate my life with a one bed trope fic with isagi, my queen? 🧎🏻‍♀️
MAKE IT AS NSFW AS YOU WANT 😈
I can take him. (not in a fight though ;))
MIRA MIRA MIRA MIRA MIIIIIRAAAAA
your wish is my command ;)
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pro!isagi x f!reader, one bed trope, reader is isagi’s first relationship, isagi and reader are 21+, nsfw under the cut, slight breeding kink if you squint hard enough
divider credits to @rookthornesartistry & thank you @strawchocoberry for proof-reading <3
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isagi's nerves were shot. between the important match he had tomorrow and the idiotic hotel staff not being able to do their jobs, he was at a loss for words.
the two of you arrived at the hotel not long ago, baggage in tow, with reservations for the most exquisite five-star hotel isagi could book. this is supposed to be the perfect little trip for the two of you but of course, something had to go wrong.
that something being that despite having booked a room with two beds, you and isagi find yourselves in a deluxe suite, filled with luxurious amenities and only one bed. 
yes, isagi is your boyfriend and yes, he loves you, but you two have only been dating for three months. he thinks it's far too early to be making such bold moves, especially when he knows he struggles to control himself around you.
you on the other hand, oblivious to his current predicament, are having the time of your life. all the fancy little souvenirs from the hotel and expensive champagne leave you in absolute awe. you wonder how the hell you would ever make it up to your loving boyfriend for showering you in such luxury.
you currently find yourself sprawled on the king-sized bed that comes with your suite, engulfing your figure in the silk sheets and plush pillows as you take in the fresh smell of clean bedsheets.
as he glances at you, comfortable on the bed with that little smile that always makes his heart skip, he almost feels a sense of guilt. feeling bad for putting you in such an awkward situation, he decides he should somehow make it up to you.
"baby, um… i didn’t mean for the room to be like this…" he says, scratching the back of his head, the tips of his ears burning.
staring at him in confusion, you tilt your head to the side, waiting for an explanation.
“well… i initially reserved two beds for us. i didn’t want to force you into anything you felt uncomfortable with.” he confesses, looking at the ground, the window– anything but you.
realisation hits and you finally understand what isagi was referring to. you look up at him, letting out a loud giggle with a playful glint in your eyes. "i don’t see a problem."
he gulps, his mind a jumble of thoughts. sure, you are his girlfriend, but sleeping next to you? it’s a whole new level of intimacy. "n-no, of course not. i mean, it's fine, right? we're adults."
you bite your lip to keep from laughing more at how flustered he was. "definitely adults," you tease, patting the empty space beside you.
isagi shuffles over, sitting on the edge of the bed like it might bite him. "i just... don't want to make you uncomfortable," he mumbles, his eyes darting everywhere but at you.
"yoichi," you call softly, reaching out to touch his hand, "i'm not uncomfortable, silly. why else would i come with you on this trip?."
easing isagi’s mind, the conversation slowly drifts away as the two of you bask in each other's presence. after ordering dinner, unpacking and showering you both prepare to call it a night.
isagi lies beside you in bed. the dim glow of the bedside lamp casting soft shadows across the room. he can feel the warmth of your body next to his, your arm lightly brushing against his as you both settle under the covers. his heart is racing faster than it ever has before, with every tiny touch or brush against you setting his entire body ablaze.
“you know, you’re so cute when you’re nervous,” you tease lightly, turning on your side to face him. your playful tone easing the tension in the air, and he feels a small smile tug at his lips.
“i’m not nervous,” he lies, his voice a little too high-pitched to be convincing. he can feel heat creeping up his neck, and the way your eyes sparkle with amusement isn’t helping his case.
reaching out to lightly trace your finger down his muscular arm you giggle. “really? because you’re blushing, yoichi.” your touch sends a shiver down his spine and he swallows hard. he’s really trying his best to focus on anything but how close you are and how his blood is rushing to everywhere it shouldn't be.
his nervousness finally giving way to something else, he turns to face you and meet your gaze. “it’s just… this is different. i’ve never really… you know, shared a bed with someone like this before.”
“well, there’s a first time for everything,” you murmur, your voice dropping to a more sultry tone. “besides, it’s just sleeping, right? or…” you let the question hang in the air, your eyes locking onto his.
the implication makes his breath hitch and heart thud. there’s something in your eyes, something that makes his pulse quicken and his resolve falter. the playfulness in your gaze has shifted to something deeper, something that made his previous nerves fade into the background.
he swallows, feeling a surge of confidence he didn’t know he had in him. “or… we could make the most of this.” his voice low and steady as he leans in closer to you, whispering such a lewd line, his hand coming up to cup your cheek.
your breath catches as his lips hover just above yours, his eyes flicking down to your mouth before meeting your gaze again. “yoichi…” you whisper, the anticipation thick in the air between you.
and that’s all it took. no further encouragement needed as isagi closes the distance, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that is soft at first, almost hesitant, but quickly deepens as the tension that has been building all night finally snaps. his hand slides down to your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss grows more urgent, more desperate.
when you finally break apart, both of you are breathless, your foreheads resting against each other's as you try to catch your breath. isagi’s hand lingers on your hip, his thumb tracing gentle circles on your skin.
"maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all," he murmurs, a playful smile on his lips.
you grin while your fingers brush through his hair. “told you so,” you whisper back, before pulling him in for another kiss, one that told him that this night was far from over.
his breath quickens at the feeling of your body pressed up against his, pulling you onto his lap so that you are lying on top of him. he can feel the heat radiating between you leaving his usually overthinking mind now blissfully blank.
pulling you closer, you’re now the only thing on his mind. the need to feel you, to be with you, overtaking any previous hesitations he held onto.
your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging slightly, as he groans into the kiss, his hips pressing against yours. "shit, you... don’t want you seeing me like this," he mumbles against your lips, his thoughts a mix of shame and desire.
"seeing what?" you breath, your hands sliding under his shirt, feeling the taut muscles of his back.
"how much i... want you," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper, his face buried in the crook of your neck, trying to hide the blush that spread across his cheeks.
you smile, guiding his hand to your thigh, letting him feel the warmth of your skin, the softness that made his heart race. "i think it's pretty clear how much you want me, yoichi," you tease, hinting towards the growing pain in his sweatpants.
he groaned again, a mix of frustration and yearning. "you're my girlfriend... this should be normal, right? but it feels... different. more intense."
"because it is," you murmur, shifting so you were straddling him, your hands resting on his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your palms. "i feel the same way."
he looks up at you, his eyes dark with desire, his hands gripping your hips, grounding himself in your presence. "i, just... let me make you feel good. please, baby?," he’s basically begging, his voice needy for your presence.
you didn’t need to confirm your lust for him yet you still let out the slightest whisper. "i’m yours," as you lean down to kiss him again, giving him all the confirmation he needs, your bodies pressing closer, the heat between you becoming almost unbearable.
isagi's hands roam your back, slipping under your shirt, exploring every inch of your skin, as if trying to memorise the way you felt. "i don't... i don't want to hold back anymore," he confesses, his voice strained with the effort of controlling himself.
"then don't," you encourage, your lips brushing against his ear, your breath hot and teasing.
that was all the permission he needed. with a low growl, isagi flips you onto your back, his lips crashing against yours with a fervour that surprised even him. his hands are everywhere, pulling at your clothes, desperate to feel more of you, to lose himself in the sensation of your skin against his.
you moan into his mouth, your hands equally frantic, pulling at his shirt, his pants, anything that keet you from feeling all of him. "yoichi," you gasp, arching into his touch, needing more, needing everything he has to give.
"is this... is this okay?" he asks, his voice laced with both uncertainty and desire, his hands pausing before they reached your tits to look at you, making sure that you’re ok with his movements.
"yes," you breath, your hands cupping his face, pulling him down for another kiss, your body arching against his seeking friction, the connection that was so close, yet still just out of reach.
isagi lets out a shaky breath, his control slipping as he loses himself in the feeling of you beneath him. cupping and playing with your plush tits, he made you elicit soft moans. the way you respond to his touch, everything driving him to the edge of reason. he couldn't think anymore, nor did he particularly want to, only wanted to feel you and pleasure you, to finally give in to the desire that had been building for so long.
not wanting to waste anymore time, isagi relieves you of your pyjamas as you help undress him. once you were both in nothing but you underwear, isagi positions you against the headboard, slotting himself in between your open legs, leaving your bare body open for his display.
one hand grasps onto your thigh while the other hand makes its way to your chest. he cups your, now bare, chest, letting his thumb tease your nipple in a circular motion. relishing in your sweet noises and cute expressions, he leans closer to take a mouthful of your tit. his mouth is hot and damp against the flesh, sucking and nibbling on it, making the most lewd sounds for your ears only.
moving the hand that was groping your thigh up to your other tit, he plays with both of them using his fingers and tongue with the sole purpose of pleasing you, drawing out needy whines.
while deeply enjoying the pleasure brought to you by your sweet boyfriend, you want-, no, need more. a soft moan escapes your lips and you take the moment to babble incoherent words of “needing more”.
obliging to your wishes, he kisses his way up to your collarbone and neck. he leans in to nibble on your tender flesh, sucking and kissing the surface of your skin, leaving purple marks in his remains. 
“tell me what you want.” he murmurs into your ear, voice barely above a whisper.
“you yoichi, want you…” you barely manage out as you paled his aching cock through his boxers.
something inside of him snaps in that moment as he pulls you down to lie underneath him. letting his body tower over yours.
at this point isagi is fueled purely by desperate, awestruck hunger as removes his boxers and aligns his cock with your folds. “can i?” his voice needy as he barely manages to hiss the words out. 
you couldn’t take it anymore as you give him an almost too eager nod, trying to grind yourself into him. and when he finally, finally enters you, he reaches for your lips to muffle the loud screams that leave your mouth. as he finally bottoms out inside you, you’re both left whining, panting messes, breathing into each other's mouths.
your tight pussy greedily sucks him in as you take him inch for inch. adjusting to the size was not easy, but something you had to manage to make this last. all the pent up pleasure that’s been building up can finally have its release.
he starts moving inside of you, albeit slowly, every move and sensation is sending shivers down your spine and heat to your core. isagi thrusts deeper into you, bodies slapping together, the sound of flesh meeting flesh echoes in your suite. your eyes roll back into your head, the pleasure overwhelming as you cling to isagi for dear life, nails digging into his back leaving marks that certainly won’t be gone by morning.
isagi’s pace begins to pick up, the rhythmic slaps of bodies getting louder. his breath coming in pants he lets out a soft whisper, “fuck-, feel good princess?” wanting your reassurance. as cockdrunk as you are, you manage to let out a quick nod babbling praises into the air between you two. “mhm, isagi! feels good- you feel too good. ahh~ too much!”
isagi only quickens his pace from your words, feeling himself twitch inside of you, his thrusts only become more erratic, the animalistic need to fill you up taking over. as your walls clench around isagi, he feels his orgasm building, he knows he won't last much longer with you like this underneath him.
each thrust sends a shock wave of pleasure through you, your body rocking to meet his. the scent of sex fills the room, the air thick with the heady fragrance. isagi's breaths come ragged, his need growing unbearable. he can't resist the urge to whisper into your ear, "you're so tight, so perfect for me."
isagi leans down, kissing your neck, his tongue trailing down your skin. the sensation sends a jolt through your body, “princess- where should i-” you interrupted him before he was even able to finish his sentence. “inside yoichi, please.” his hips buck as his hot cum fills you, spilling out from between your legs.
but it’s not over yet, no. you haven’t came yet, despite the slight embarrassment he doesn’t let that stop him. hands gliding down to your abdomen where he puts his thumb on your clit, only adding to the overwhelming pleasure.
you cling onto isagi for dear life as the wave of your own orgasm crashes over you, your body convulsing. the hotel room now filled with nothing but the scent of sex, the air thick with the aftermath of your passion. catching your breaths, isagi collapses next to you, your bodies slick with sweat. despite you a panting mess and catching your breath, you look over to see your boyfriend who looks nothing short of perfect, not even looking one bit tired. a smile spreads on your face as you lightheartedly joke between deep breaths, “you don’t look tired at all, almost like you could go for another round.”
he turns over to look at you, locking eyes with you before smirking. “actually princess, that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea…”
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it’s safe to say that despite the lack of sleep, isagi has never played better, leading his team to an easy victory and giving him a new pre-game ritual
don’t worry, sleep is for the weak ;)
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an:
oh my god. i finally get to upload this and i'm so happy! i spent so long writing this and sacrificed way to many braincells learning how to write a full fucking fic (2.6k words wtf).
+ posting this got delayed for so long cause i wanted mira to be online when she received her req, hope you enjoyed it bbg <3
bonus:
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