#cut loki some fucking slack once in a while

[youlackconviction]

Don’t you guys keep using Loki’s trauma to justify attempted genocide

ok anon lol since you kinda referred to me as a collective i decided to gather up some responses from other 2011-2013 LOKI defenders just to demonstrate the common threads running through our opinions on this.

here's mine: justify means "to show or prove to be right or reasonable" or "declare or make righteous in the sight of god" so actually i don't think that's what we are doing? i've not seen any OG-LOKI defenders attempt to make the argument that LOKI SHOULD have turned the bifrost on jotunnheim, or that it was the responsible/correct action to take. in fact it was thor himself who tried to assert that the frost giants should be killed because it was the reasonable and fair response to the actions of the three giants who entered the vault. what we do is explain why it happened. why he made that choice. what drove him to behave in such an out of character manner and so contrary to basic ethics or morals. explaining the causes of a thing is not the same as claiming the thing was right and proper to do.

@theawkwardavenger I'm pretty sure Loki does feel guilt at what he did to Jotunheim. He grew up with an internalized racism towards Frost Giants like all other Asgardians, so naturally when he learned that he himself was a Frost Giant, his first response was well erratic. But he knows what he tried to do and it's clear that he's guilty. No one is saying that it is justified. @spacepastry Loki’s trauma is not a justification of attempted genocide and in my personal experience I have never seen anyone excusing the fact that he was trying to kill his own race. It’s very clearly shown via the (somewhat flippant) narrative that Loki is in the wrong there. Everything that happens to Loki in Thor 1 is a result of a lot of factors that have happened to him prior that we don’t see, but are very very clearly alluded to (him being neglected in favor of Thor, being othered by Asgardian society, his inability to fit into the idea of what a traditional Asgardian Male looks like, etc). This does not at all say that Loki’s trauma (tho very real and very valid) excuses his actions on Jotunheim. Everything he did came from a place of pain and anguish and a need to approve Odin. Asgardian society cherishes warriors and he was committing a very Thor-Like act (see the very beginning of the movie) in an attempt to show Odin that he is a true Asgardian and not like the ‘horrible, evil frost giants’. His trauma is not a justification, but an explanation.

@nikkoliferous again, explaining ≠ excusing. no one is saying what he did was right, we're saying it was the result of a very specific set of extenuating circumstance and is not reflective of his true nature. and we're saying that he gets treated very differently by the narrative and a lot of fans than hero-coded characters who have committed equal or greater offenses. much like Loki, the inequality and hypocrisy is the primary source of our anger. or at least it is mine. I would argue that the trauma of learning the truth about himself was the proximate cause of the attempted genocide, with his cultural conditioning and history of abuse and neglect being contributing but secondary factors. because the whole point of Thor 2011 was that Loki and Thor were intended to contrast with one another. Loki was an outlier in his culture in terms of his disposition towards unnecessary violence, bc if he hadn't been, there's no contrast. and that's central to the story being told.

@lotus-eyedindiangoddess "justify" is different from explaining anon, none of us actually said that his genocide is good actually but explaining where it came from and the real monster that created it. We keep trying to say that hey! Don't treat your kids shitty and thinking genocide is good, so that they won't go ahead and do it to prove themselves to you! Trauma is the explanation, not the justification and if you conflate the two anon, that's solely on you. and here's some more responses from some discord users who didn't provide their tumblr handles for me to link:

user1 genocide is totally great, actually. ESPECIALLY if Loki does it. it is 100% morally correct (extreme sarcasm here definitely intended) also us saying genocide is a culturally acceptable way of dealing with enemies on asgard =/= us saying it's in any way justified or morally correct. just that asgardians don' think it's terrible and another thing: jackasses like the anon above are all "aren't you the guys justifying his genocide with his trauma" and then go on like "thanos had a point, actually, best father 10/10"

user2 First, there's a difference between approving, justification, forgiveness and understanding, and they don't always come in a package. Second, I would put the attempted genocide more on the curb of his upbringing and the overall mindset than the trauma, even though it was what fueled the scale of the response. I feel like I'm gonna argue semantics at this point, but I'd say the direct cause was the fact that they were at war - a war that Thor restarted due to his recklessness. And Aesir mindset seems to be completely fine with responding with total extermination in those cases (vide: Dark Elves), so those two alone make me fully believe it wasn't an entirely surprising response. The fact that Loki of all people went for it - despite being shown as the one going for the peaceful, "let's talk this through" solution before - I put on the curb of his entire life being turned upside down a couple of hours earlier.

user3 I think you covered it nicely. All i could contribute is rage, being stunned by the ask and annoyance.

make of it what you will anon, i think it's pretty clear what fans are intending when they defend LOKI in regards to the jotunnheim genocide topic.

[muddyorbsblr]

invade me chronicles: revisiting Stuttgart

The non-smut but it got kinda close entry to the Invade Me Chronicles is here! Unfortunately, and I've said this before, I cannot smut to save my life. So I got as close as I could.

For the masterpieces of absolute filth in this series, please refer to my lovely friends: @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @xorpsbane @mochie85 @michelleleewise @mischief2sarawr

Summary: You presented Loki with an idea to go around places where he had less than favorable memories and you two can make new, better ones together. You start with Stuttgart, Germany.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: implied smut…heavily implied smut, idc if there's no actual smut minors dni this is for the grown-ups, language [let me know if i missed anything!]

"I have an idea," you spoke up while you were laying in bed, trying to catch your breath from experiencing the delicious consequence of daring your lover to "fuck you like you worked in a brothel back in Asgard" and capping it off with the words "Bet you can't. I mean you're not as young as you used to be."

Did you damn near pass out after Round Four? Absolutely. 

Did you keep goading him on? Of course you did. 

Did you suddenly have a new kink of teetering on the brink of unconsciousness, the start of black spots forming in your vision, all the while having Loki hiss in your ear "Do you yield, pet?" Yeah. Yeah you kinda did. Also, did you hiss back "Fuck no" and risk blacking out and going limp in his arms while he kept at you like a man possessed? Absolutely you did.

And you'd do it again.

"Are you still out of breath, darling?" Concern laced his tone as he propped himself up on his side to face you. 

"Cut me some slack here, I nearly passed out back there." 

You immediately regretted letting that tidbit slide because now his eyes were filled with panic and worry as he gently cupped your face with his free hand, his thumb stroking gently across your cheekbone before resting on your lips. "You should have told me, my love." 

"You would've stopped," you answered simply, your words muffled slightly as you moved your lips against his thumb. 

He groaned at your words. "My reckless precious little mortal." He lifted his thumb from your lips to place a kiss upon them, so gentle, so loving, a far cry from the ruthless, almost carnal claiming from the past few hours. It was as if he was afraid that you'd break if he put even the slightest bit of pressure onto you. "Do you mean to tell me you were at the verge of unconsciousness when we finished?" 

"Not…exactly," you murmured against his lips. "It was…before that." 

"Number, Y/N." His tone became demanding, daring you to evade him.

"Four." 

"Norns, Y/N. Why would you hold on that long?" He'd begun to realize that you'd held yourself at the brink of passing out for five rounds. He slid his hand to cradle the back of your head. "Sit up, dear heart." You did as he said, throwing him a look that told him he was overreacting, which he answered with his own stern one that told you not to contest him on this. Once you were sitting upright, he conjured up a glass of water. "Drink." 

"This really isn't neces--"

"Drink, Y/N." With a dramatic huff, you took the glass from him and began to slowly drink, doing your damnedest not to down it in gulps and give away how physically worn out you really were. "I do not even wish to think about what could have happened if you'd gone limp in my arms." 

You finished your glass before answering in a teasing tone, "I would've crossed out 'Get fucked until I pass out' from my bucket list." 

"Y/N, if I harm you I will not ever forgive myself. In my entire existence I have never known a love that burned as brightly as ours, and in truth a part of me believed I never would." He placed a tender kiss on your bare shoulder. "I know quite well that you take pleasure in testing your limits and I am more than willing to test them with you, but I implore you, my darling, a touch of caution?" He proceeded to trace your collarbone with his lips, stopping once he reached the base of your throat, pressing kiss after kiss as he gently coaxed you to lie back down on the bed.

"If I promise to be more careful, will you keep doing that?" you answered, your breaths thinning again as he made his way to the juncture between your neck and shoulder and sucked lightly.

He pulled away and hovered his lips over yours. "I wouldn't stop even if you told me you'd spend the rest of our days defying me at every turn." You both let out a contented sigh as he pressed his lips to yours. "I love you far too much to be able to deny you anything." 

"And I love you." 

"Tell me of the idea your brilliant mind conjured," he prompted, a tender smile that only you were fortunate enough to witness grace his godly features slowly spreading across his face. 

"What if you had a do over?" you thought out loud, giggling lightly as he took your hand in his and proceeded to kiss your knuckles. 

"I'm not quite sure I follow, my love." 

"What if we went to places that hold memories that you don't particularly favor, and we make new ones? So that when you remember those places, the memories that come to mind will be good ones?" 

The wonder and emotions that swam through Loki's eyes tugged at your heartstrings. "You would do that for me, darling Y/N?" 

You reached up with your free hand and placed your hand on his cheek. "I would gladly make new memories with you across the Nine Realms if that's what you want." 

He was positively beaming at you now. "I know not what I did to deserve you, but I vow to spend all my days showing you how grateful I am that  you're mine, Y/N Y/L/N." He pressed another kiss to the back of your hand, to your wrist, to wherever his lips could reach as he asked, "Where should we start?" 

You agreed that Stuttgart was as good a place as any to start this journey of better memories. The "World Tour of Redemption", as Tony so annoyingly started to call it when you let slip that you and Loki were going away for a few days. The genius figured it out the second you said you were going to Germany.

"Just don't let him get on a podium and tell you to kneel," he sassed.

The expression on your face went unchanged as you answered without missing a beat, "But what if I want to kneel?" 

He put his head in his hands and sighed. "I'll make some calls and reserve the museum. God forbid Pepper gets a call in the middle of the night about two exhibitionist Avengers because you two couldn't keep your hands off each other. At least this way, it won't be all over YouTube." 

"Nah, Stark if they get caught that's going straight to the Hub." 

"Wilson!" you screamed. 

"Tell me I'm wrong." 

You shrugged. "I can't." You addressed Tony again, "Thanks, Stark. I owe you one." 

"Don't get caught on camera and cause a PR scandal and I'll consider us even, jellybean." 

True to his word, Stark really did have the museum closed down for you two for the entire day when you landed in Stuttgart. You had to admit to yourself that walking these halls after all these years felt cathartic to you as well. This was where you two first met under rather unpleasant circumstances, what with you two being on opposite sides and your altercation leading to him conjuring up two clones to force you to your knees as he faced off with the Captain.

He planned to take you as a hostage back then, to use you as leverage to get the Avengers to bend to his will, had he not been apprehended by Rogers and Stark, and then afterward his brother as well. 

When you started dating about a year after he moved in to the Tower, you asked him why he wanted to capture you when he tried to invade the Earth. "You looked like a Valkyrie," he answered you as his fingers traced the features of your face, like he was committing it to memory. "The darkest parts of me desired to ruin you. Corrupt you. And what good still lingered in me wished you could save me. The rest of me…the rest of me simply wanted you."

Now here you two were, roaming these halls, him wearing the same suit from 2012 and you in an off-shoulder cocktail dress in his signature green, not bothering about being quiet or remaining unseen. 

Tony's connections and wealth made sure that no living soul would be walking around to catch you if you two had chosen to live up to his theory that you two really couldn't keep your hands off each other. And Loki's magic ensured that any security system left operating would simply capture you two walking the halls hand in hand, occasionally he would twirl you before pulling you into his arms for a kiss. But nothing more.

Perhaps it was that knowledge that had you feeling brave enough when you'd reached the minotaur sculpture made of marble and gold, where he'd once begun his chaotic rampage. You walked behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your chin on his back. "It's time for your do over." 

"My love?" 

"I want you to flip me." 

"Y/N--"

You took one of his hands in yours and slowly stepped to his side, placing his hand on the back of your neck. You looked him right in the eyes as you instructed him. "Right on the table." 

A dark chuckle escaped his lips, making a deviant smile form on your face. "If you recall, my darling mortal, the following moments that transpired involved me sticking an infernal device into the eye of an unfortunate scientist. And I'm quite fond of your eyes." 

"Hmm. And we're fresh out of infernal torture devices anyways." You tilted your head down to the floor, making a show of contemplating your options, and then you looked up at him through your lashes, shrugging as you coyly said, "So I guess you'll just have to stick something else in me." 

When you saw the lust enter his eyes, you knew you had him. "The landing will smart quite a bit, my love." Your heart warmed at his concern. Even though you could tell that he was so ready to fulfill your request, his tenderness still shone through. You suspected that it always would; you hoped it would.

"I can take it," you whispered. And then you watched as your lover's eyes grew dark and a devious smirk graced his features right before he tightened his grip on the back of your neck and threw you right onto the table.

Your heart picked up as you watched him from your now supine position on the table as he walked around the table and stepping in between your legs dangling off the edge. "Just remember you asked for this." 

You swore you'd never forget.

"I bruised you." 

Loki's words were laced with a touch of regret as he watched you hop off the table and straighten your dress. Your hair was a lost cause, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You were the only two in here anyway. 

You felt a smile spread across your face as you felt his lips touch the exposed skin of your back, and then the familiar feeling of his seiðr spreading across your body. He always did this when you got injured from training, or from a mission, or when he got a bit too rough with you. It never bothered you when you got cut or beat or bruised, especially when you would get in that state in such a delicious manner.

He, on the other hand, couldn't stand the sight of you marred by anything. Seeing you hurt set off a sharp pain in his heart, and he wasn't going to allow time to run its course and watch you go through the agonizingly long wait of letting your mortal body heal on its own when one touch of his hand could expedite the process. Of course, he preferred to kiss them away, so he did.

You turned around and looked at him with a perfectly content smile on your face as you held your hand out. He gladly took it and you resumed your tour of the museum. 

You were just about to make your way down the marble stairs when you felt Loki tug sharply at your arm and grab a firm hold on your shoulder. You were just about to shoot him a look of confused irritation when you felt an equally firm hold on your other shoulder and another sharp tug at your arm. You looked back and forth at your sides and a thrill ran up your spine as you realized you were being held in place by two Lokis.

"What's going on?" you asked with a playful smirk on your face, already having an idea where this was going. 

The smirk broke into an all out lascivious grin as you watched a third Loki walk in front of you and frame your face with his hands. "I love you," he said softly before placing a nearly reverent kiss on your lips. "I believe you're due for a do-over as well." 

Your heart started beating a mile a minute, realizing what he meant. A do over of your first meeting. "Am I now?" 

"You are, my precious mortal." He placed a kiss in between your brows before looking at you with a devious grin on his face. "Now kneel." 

A/N: This is the closest I've ever come to making smut and I'm not sure if I could ever get any closer, but here y'all go lol

Taglist: @lokisgoodgirll @lokischambermaid @imalovernotahater @redbluekjw @lucylaufeyson3 @thomase1 @springdandelixn @fictive-sl0th @mochie85 @laliceee @xorpsbane @gigglingtigger @silverfire475 @cabingrlandrandomcrap @vickie5446 @salempoe @lokixryss @sinsandguilt @lokidbadguy @alexakeyloveloki @glitterylokislut @arch-venus25 @freefrommars @littlemortals @cakesandtom @girl-of-multi-fandoms @mischief2sarawr @thedistractedagglomeration @five-miles-over

[haileygarciasunshine]

Widow Maker

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Fem!Ex-Widow!Reader

Written: I’ve actually been working on this for a few days lololololol someone help me. Writers block is a BITCH so is life lol.

Posted: July 12th, 2021

Warning: Some swears, Violence

Word Count: 1,605

Author's Note: Contains Spoilers (Ish? Idk) For Black Widow. Also, I made some cool ass spacers. Feel free to use them I just ask you tag me if you do!

Movie and TV Show Masterlist

Before Civil War.

“You do realize you aren’t the only one with a tragic past, right?” You questioned, feeling heat bubbling up inside, while you felt a flush feeling dancing along your cheeks.

Out of your peripheral vision, you were able to see Loki roll his eyes.

“If you keep rolling your eyes, they‘re going to get stuck up there.” You spat, turning around and leaning against the counter.

A chorus of ’Ooo’s’ sounded through the kitchen, followed by snickers.

Glancing up, you locked eyes with Natasha who in turn, raised a questioning eyebrow at you. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed silently to yourself. Without her verbally questioning, you knew she was asking why the sudden need to confront the Asgardian God.

Shaking your head, you pushed the fluttering feeling down that had begun bubbling up.

It was no secret that Loki was on his redemption tour. In fact, word around the office had been that all the females along with some men, had began fawning over him. Naturally, the sudden lustful gazes and sultry conversations had gone to his head.

Loki was quick to develop a sudden arrogance after he had found out the new chatter around him. Being with the Avengers since the beginning along with being a friend of Thor, you knew all the up’s and down’s that surrounded him. Keeping your opinion to yourself, you had been on his side since you could remember. However, with everyone on his bandwagon, you felt jealous bubble up inside.

“Does your head ever get tired of all the hot air that comes out of your mouth?” Loki shot back, earning a sharp elbow from Thor.

Snapping your head in his direction, you glared at him. “You know what? Fuck you.”

Frowning you furrowed your eyebrows together, before turning on the balls of your feet and storming out of the kitchen. Feeling tears welling up in yours, you rapidly made your way to your room. Just in time for the tears to begin cascading down your cheeks. Whenever Loki attacked someone, he knew their weaknesses and made sure to do the most damage. After a while, you situated yourself on your bed and letting sleep overwhelm you.

Jolting awake, your heart rapidly beated out of your chest as the sound of knocking on your door, captured your attention.

Gasping, you turned to face your door before steadily getting to your feet. Opening your door, your jaw fell slack as you stared at the person before you. Opening and closing your mouth a few times, you decided it would be better to step aside and allow them in.

Loki stood awkwardly in the middle of your room. His hands firm by his side. Shutting the door, you leaned against it as you stared at Loki with disbelief. Neither of you wanted to be the first to break the silence.

Standing before you, he glanced around your room, seemly taking in your belongings. Clearing his throat, he turned around to face you.

”I… I uh…” His voice trailed off as he began his light blueberry eyes capturing Y/E/C ones. As you gazed at each other, you were able to see an underlying emotion, that you weren’t sure he was able to express until now.

Coming to your senses, you felt your walls hold steadily as you began fearing letting them down.

”If…If you’ve come here to apologize..” Your voice trailed off. Gazing down at your hands, you began picking at your cuticle bed. One of your many habits you had. “Save it.”

Dropping his gaze to his feet, his head hung low. The air began holding silent cries that neither would feel. Lost words that would never be spoken. All emotion evaporing into nothingness.

“I think you should go.” You mumbled at Loki. Not daring to glance at him, you rushed towards the bathroom before shutting the door without another word. Putting the toilet seat down, you perched yourself on it. Placing your elbows on your knees, you lowered your head into your hands. Tears began welling up in yours at your loss of emotions.

——

After Civil War. Cue Black Widow Era, also cue spoilers.

”Nat.” You hissed as you stood before Natasha.

Responding with hum she placed the phone she had just been talking into on the ledge. Glancing around she subtly slide it off the ledge and into the water.

”Natasha!” You demanded.

”What!” She grumbled.

“Why do you insist on taunting them?”

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. “The same reason, you and reindeer games keep dancing around your feelings for one another.” She shrugged.

”We don’t have feelings for-“

Cutting you off she let out a humorless chuckle. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Letting your jaw hang open slightly, any argument you had thought of, instantly dying in your throat. Scrunching your eyebrows together you were at a loss for words.

”We…We don’t like each other.” Your attempted to argue.

”Right.” She spoke in disbelief. Turning to gaze at the mountains, you heard her mumbled something in Russian under her breath.

”What-“

”If that’s true,” Natasha turned her attention back towards you. “Then why is he here?”

Reflecting on her question, you were able to respond when you sensed a presence approaching you from behind. Turning on your heels, you faced the perpetrator.

”Hello, love.” Loki greeted, his eyes sparkling as he spoke. A grin making it’s way to his lips.

A fluttering feeling bubbled inside your stomach. Your palms rapidly growing damp. Without much thought, you propelled yourself into his arms. Your arms wrapping around his shoulders gently yanking him into you. It wasn’t long before you felt a rumble in his chest from his chuckling. Loki wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you closer than normal. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, catching the scent of your shampoo that he longed to smell again.

”It’s been too long.”

Moving to pull away, Loki tightened his arms preventing from the slight distance between you. “That it has.” You responded with a nod.

After the events of that night in your room, Loki had gone above and beyond to prove he was worthy of your forgiveness. After awhile his attempts at forgiveness, lead to a blossom in friendship.

”How is space?” You questioned after he reluctantly allowed you to pull away.

”Space…Space is good.” He spoke nodding his head.

Grinning at him, you couldn’t stop thinking that it was all a dream. One that was sweet, the kind that you don’t want to wake up from because it seems too good to be true, especially because it usually is.

“What are you doing here?” You regretted asking as soon as you spoke.

”I…” His voice trailed off as he seemed to reflect on the question.

Cutting him off, Natasha made her way beside you both. “We have to go.” She spoke, her voice holding back a slight panic that you could see bubbling up behind her strong demeanor.

Snapping your head in Loki’s direction you were about to saying your goodbye, when she cut you off.

”All of us.”

Nodding your head, you ahout to question her when she cut you off once again.

”No time. Come on!”

——

After finding Yelena, the four of you set off on a venture to search for their so called, mother and father. Both girls held twenty years worth of anger and bitterness, especially aimed at each other.

Yelena was the helicopter pilot for the mission, while Natasha was the muscle and brains. More often than not settling in the shot gun rider seat. Thus, leaving you and Loki alone in the back.

Sitting side by side, you were jostled together before you were thrown against his side.

Sending you a grin, he silently let you know he didn’t much mind the non existent proximity between you. Neither of you spoke much on the flight, however you often witnessed the cringeworthy interaction between Alexei and both girls.

——

After arriving at Melina’s little farm, you had begun to feel awkward. There was a sense of family as well as anger. Rightfully so, both girls had been subjected to torture and used as weapons forgoing most of their lives.

Standing idly in the kitchen, Natasha appeared beside you. Jumping at her sudden presence you placed a hand over your heart.

”Geez, Nat! Don’t do that!“ You cautioned. “You scared me!”

Natasha giggled at your reaction. After the moment quickly died down, she mirrored your stance of leaning against the counters.

Nudging your shoulder with hers, she had a smirk plastered upon the seams of her lips.

”Do you believe me now?”

Tilting your head, you gazed at her with question. “About?”

Rolling her eyes, she let out a groan. “About Loki sharing the feelings you have for him.”

Scoffing you shook your head. “I don’t really need a monologue on that.”

“Seems to me that you do.”

Standing together, you allowed a blanket of silence to overwhelm you.

”You should give him a chance.” She muttered quietly.

If it hadn’t been eerily quiet in the kitchen, you wouldn’t have heard her.

“I…What?” You gasped.

“Don’t make me say it.” She moaned.

“Say what?”

Letting out a defeated sigh, she shook her head. “I think he’s a good guy.”

”What do you-“

Before you had the chance to question her, Loki rushed into the kitchen. His eyes filled with bewilderment. He came off frazzled.

”Are you okay?” You questioned suddenly forgetting about the question you had partially spoke to Natasha.

”They’re here-“

Luminescent lights from outside suddenly shone inside. Turning to face the lights, you and Natasha held a startling gaze.

Something you hadn’t felt since reclaiming your freedom from the Widow program washed over you. Judging by Natasha‘s features that seemed to be mirroring yours, you knew she had the same feeling.

Fear.

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[imagine-loki]

You Have Heart

TITLE: You Have Heart CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 9/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE:  Imagine finding out that your soulmate is Loki and your very first kiss is interrupted by Thor shouting “Yeeessss”

RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 here

After all the chaos of packing up your apartment, you found yourself in a suite in the Avenger’s tower surrounded by moving boxes.  It wasn’t just any suite in the Avenger’s tower, but your suite.  

That was definitely going to take some getting used to.  

So much had happened all at once and now that you had a moment to think, you were pretty sure you were panicking over it. No, there was no ‘pretty sure’.  You were definitely panicking.  You sat on the soft comfortable bed that you hadn’t even been able to make yet, rocking back and forth and breathing way too heavily while your heart raced. 

It was all so much.  

You found your soulmate, which was fantastic.  Your soulmate was a literal Norse god.  Your soulmate had tried to take over the Earth (under mind control). Your soulmate was an Avenger.  You were now living in the Avengers tower for your own safety, because your soulmate was an Avenger.

You were still wearing an Avengers T-shirt because you’d been at the premiere of the Avengers movie.  

You were wearing an Avengers T-shirt in the fucking Avengers Tower.

The embarrassment was real.  

So you were understandably overwhelmed by the whole thing.  

You were dragged from your thoughts by your phone ringing on the bed next to you.  You hadn’t dared look at the thing since you’d texted Soph since it was completely blowing up after Loki’s stunt at the movie theater.  Your social media had gotten ahold of the news, as had the press.  You had become a celebrity in less than an hour.  Which was definitely good reason to ignore your phone for a bit. 

Except this was a dedicated ring tone, so you knew who was calling you.  You reached for the phone automatically and answered it.  “Hey Soph,” you said, trying to control your breathing so she couldn’t heart that you were freaking the fuck out.  

“What do you mean, ‘hey’?  You were supposed to call me!” Soph reminded you, clearly agitated that you hadn’t called her yet after you’d vanished from the movie theater.  

“Sorry,” you told her sheepishly.  You understood that she was eager for information. She was your best friend after all and you’d been teleported away in the middle of a movie by the Norse god of mischief (and subject of the movie) himself. “A lot has happened today,” you reminded her.  You expected your best friend to cut you a little slack.

“It’s true, then?  I know I was there and I saw it, but…” she trailed off.  

You understood what she meant.  You were overwhelmed by it all too and finding it hard to believe.  You looked down at the words on your arm, the words that were now in gold and green ink.  It wasn’t really ink, none of the soulmate marks were, but that’s what people called it, since they looked like tattoos. “It’s true,” you confirmed.  “Loki is my soulmate,” 

Soph gasped. “I was there and saw it, but… this is huge~!”

“There’s more,” you told her softly.  Gods, there was so much more.  

“More than a literal god being your soulmate?” She asked, her tone demanding all the details.  For a moment, it felt like a normal conversation with your best friend, talking about some cute guy at work, or bitching about your boss.   

“Yeah… a lot more,” you paused, trying to gather your thoughts.

“Spill it, Heart!” Soph demanded.  

You rolled your eyes at the ancient nickname.  Kids often gave each other nicknames based on their soulmate words.  Usually one of the words in the phrase.  So Sophie had decided years ago that your nickname was to be ‘Heart’.  And she’d been calling you that ever since.  Soph didn’t always use it and you knew she was serious when she dragged out the nickname to wheedle you with.  “I’ve moved out of my apartment and into the Avengers Tower,” you started.

“Into the tower?  Are you going to be an Avenger?  You don’t have powers!” Soph interrupted.

“Sophie…” you scolded.  She wouldn’t get her story if she kept interrupting.  

“Sorry, sorry, continue,” she said quickly.

“Well… I do have powers.  Apparently, I got a bit of Asgardian magic through the soulmate mark.  I don’t know much about it yet,” you added quickly before she could ask.  “Loki’s going to be teaching me.  But… the team wanted me to move into the tower mostly for my safety.  It’s all over the news that I’m Loki’s soulmate and it’s only going to get worse.  There’s people that would hurt me just to get to the team,” you explained.

You could practically see Soph’s excited bubbly expression fall as she took in the reality of the situation.  Yes, it was amazing that you found your soulmate. It was wonderful and you could feel the connection between you and Loki.  But the reality was there that you were in danger because of your new connection to the team. You were going to have to learn to protect yourself, learn to use your new abilities, probably find a new job (which definitely wouldn’t be a bad thing when Stark already offered you a position in his company or with SHIELD or the team depending on your skills).

There was a lot of change all at once.

“Heart?  Are you sure you’re going to be ok?” Soph asked, her voice dripping with concern and fear for you.

“I’ll be fine, Unicorn,” you replied, annoying her back with her old nickname.  “I’m living with the Avengers and soulmates with Loki.” What could possibly go wrong with so many superheroes around to protect you?

[darkshadow90]

A very long Rant about Loki’s nerfed sorcery in the MCU and his show

Hey guys I wanted to make a post about a big issue I had with the Loki show. I still really enjoyed it, but I also wanted to share a major criticism I’ve had with MCU Loki for a long time. All my feelings about this over the years came to roost after the season finale. I know things are really tense in the fandom right now, and I don’t hate the show. I just want to share my criticism. I want to talk about how I’ve had this issue for awhile before I talk about it in the actual show because I’m hoping I’m not the only one who’s kind of pissed, considering I was hoping to finally see it happen in his show, and that would be the fact that Loki’s sorcery is STILL so fucking nerfed. First though, I’m gonna talk about Loki’s nerfed sorcery in the MCU, and oh boy there’s a lot. Get ready for an overly long rant. I’ve really needed to get this off my chest.

I’ve been on the Loki train since the very beginning. I’ve loved him since the first Thor movie. I may have mentioned this before, but a big thing that always irked me about MCU Loki was how nerfed he was in terms of his sorcery. We’re always told how he’s a very powerful sorcerer and he barely uses his magic. He does one awesome thing in each Thor movie. In the first movie, in the end credits scene it’s implied Loki was influencing Selvig while he was in another  dimension. Is it ever mentioned or seen again? No. There’s a scene in Thor: The Dark World where right after he finds out about Frigga’s death, he destroys his cell using telekinesis. Does he ever use it to fight? No, and if he does it’s just to throw his knives at people LOL. Or in Thor: Ragnarok when he looked into Valkyrie’s mind and saw her memories. Odin also mentions that Loki put him under a spell, and Frigga would have been proud because it took Odin a long time to break the spell. It really would have been nice to SEE that happen, but no, we just get to be told about it. Every time I saw Loki use an awesome ability, I would think “Oh wow, that’s so cool! I can’t wait to see more. I can’t wait to see what else Loki can do!” And then the MCU is like, “Yeah Loki can do all these cool things. But were not gonna expand on his abilities, and this is the only time you’ll ever see him use them. You’ll never see them again so just forget you saw anything LOL” God it’s such an aggravating tease. 

This isn’t a new issue I’ve had with Loki being nerfed in the MCU. It’s always bothered me. Yes, I know certain characters being nerfed isn’t new, that Loki isn’t the only one. But to me he’s one of the most nerfed characters in terms of being able to use his magic. I would always mention to people that I didn’t like how nerfed he was. What was the point of telling us he’s one of if not the most powerful sorcerer in Asgard if he BARELY uses it? And they would say, “Well, they can’t make him as powerful as he is in the comics because then he’ll overshadow the heroes.” Okay fine, I can cut them some slack there as we did need to see the Avengers come together. Or they’d say “Not everyone reads the comics, so MCU Loki isn’t gonna be exactly like comic book Loki.” Okay, but people shouldn’t have to read the comics to see how powerful of a sorcerer Loki is. Is there some kind of unspoken rule that says if there are characters who use magic or sorcery in the MCU, only the heroes are allowed to be extremely powerful? Because Wanda and Doctor Strange still get to use their abilities, and in Wandavision, Wanda becomes even more powerful, and it’s amazing. 

Why can’t Loki ever use his powers? Because he’s a “villain?” What would be so bad about allowing Loki be the sorcerer he’s supposed to be? You mean Loki would actually be able to be a powerful villain? Sorry, but I don’t see how that’s a bad thing. I don’t think giving people more of a reason to love Loki is a bad thing. If anything, if they do read the comics, or are at least somewhat familiar with what Loki can do, they might be a little upset about how much the MCU has nerfed him like I was, and still am. Maybe if Loki was actually allowed to use his magic, he wouldn’t get his ass kicked all the time, and he’d actually be a threat to his opponents.

 I don’t think Loki really needed to use the Mind Stone to control people in the Avengers, he probably could've done it using his magic. I actually think it would’ve been cool if Loki used his sorcery to amplify the negative emotions Bruce was feeling to manipulate him. Bruce knows something is wrong, and maybe Thor seeing Bruce struggling, trying to fight whatever is harming him is able to figure out Loki is exploiting Bruce’s negative emotions to manipulate him. Thor knows how powerful Loki is and he’s trying to help Bruce fight off Loki’s influence, but he’s too powerful. Bruce can’t fight the anger Loki is making him feel so he transforms into the Hulk and Loki is able to bend the Hulk to his will. I think that would’ve been a lot cooler than the Mind Stone being the thing that was responsible for amplifying everyone’s negative feelings, but that’s just me. How cool would it be not just to have a master manipulator but an extremely powerful sorcerer to deal with? I thought that was initially what was happening.  I thought at first Loki was using his magic through the scepter, that he was actually using his magic and his skills as a master manipulator. But no, apparently he was just using the Mind Stone. 

Also I know that there was only so much time for that small scene between Loki and Doctor Strange in Ragnarok, and it was really cool to see the two of them on screen, but Loki should’ve been more powerful than Doctor Strange. Don’t get me wrong, I love Doctor Strange. He’s very powerful and could put up a good fight against Loki if the two of them ever had to fight each other. But Loki should be more powerful. He’s a god. He’s lived for thousands of years and studied magic for a very long time. He should have centuries of not a thousand years more knowledge and skills with sorcery. I think he might find Strange’s sorcery impressive for a mortal, but in terms of his skills and abilities, Loki should be much stronger. I think the dialogue should’ve been more like, “Oh, so you went up against Dormammu? That’s cute. I’ve been able to do all the things you can do for centuries, but if it’s any consolation, your sorcery is impressive for a mortal.” But no, instead Loki is once again played for laughs and just takes out those useless daggers again before being yeeted though a portal.

 Also yeah I’m gonna say it. The fight with Valkyrie is a fight Loki should have won. If he used his magic he would’ve won. He wouldn’t even need to use violence. He could’ve just restrained her and put her to sleep and she could wake up from a nice nap or something. I’m so sick of Loki ALWAYS getting his ass kicked by everyone and being treated like a joke. He’s so fucking weak when he doesn’t need to be. He capable of so much more. We know he is because they always trolled us in each Thor movie when Loki would do one awesome thing one time in the movies and then never again, always hinting that he’s much stronger but they’re afraid to show more of it because god forbid he become even more popular. 

And the final part of the nerfing of Loki’s sorcery before I finally get to his show, and that would be his death in Infinity War. Now listen, my issues isn’t that Loki died. I understand the point of his death. They had to sell Thanos as the big bad. Infinity War was Thanos’ movie. Loki died trying to save his brother. Loki probably knew there was a very good chance he would die. My problem is with how it was handled. Loki is supposed to have tons of magical abilities, right? So why didn’t he at least try to use his magic? Why didn’t he cast an illusion, or shapeshift? Why didn’t he use a teleportation ability or something? Was I expecting Loki to beat Thanos? No, but goddam it, anything would’ve been better than those fucking useless butter knives. God, they couldn’t let him use his magic one last time before he died could they? Also I hate that Loki and Thor never got to have that brotherly hug and Loki never had the chance to reconcile with the Avengers. Wouldn’t it have been cool if Loki got the chance to fight along side the Avengers and died, so they could see he really did change for the better? Apparently not, I guess.

And now, we finally come to Loki’s show, which actually pisses me of more than the movies. You know, I would be more forgiving about all the bullshit excuses people have said or tried to give for Loki being so nerfed. I let it slide because the movies weren’t completely about him, and I could see where Loki’s popularity overshadowing Thor, the Avengers, or the heroes in general might be an issue in terms of sales and getting people to care about the other movies. Hell, Loki was the reason I watched the Thor movies in the first place. That was when he wasn’t the main focus. When I heard he had a show coming I had hope that I would finally get to see Loki be the sorcerer he was supposed to be. There’s no other characters to worry about Loki overshadowing, so now there’s really nothing standing in their way of showing how powerful he is right? After 10 years, I’d finally get to see all the focus on a character I love, he’d no longer be nerfed, right? Wrong. I was so excited, practically giddy when Loki fired green magic beams in a fight and used Telekinesis to stop a building from falling on him and Sylvie. I was so happy because it was a taste of what I had been wanting to see from Loki for so long. I was excited to see more.

Unfortunately, that was really all we got from Loki. Well, except for when he used teleportation to try and stop Sylvie from killing He Who Remains. Guys, I’ve loved Loki since the first Thor movie. It always bothered me that he was so nerfed in the movies, but I was able to look past it because he very well may have overshadowed the other characters if he was allowed to have all his powers. I can understand that. But the fact that he’s so nerfed, maybe even more nerfed in his own show than he was in the movies really pisses me off. I think it’s cool to see all the different Loki variants using magic, but there’s absolutely no reason for Tom Hiddleston’s Loki not having the same powers and abilities as the other Loki variants. What really burned my ass was in Episode 5 when Loki said he couldn’t enchant or didn’t know how to enchant. Fucking really? He did it to Valkyrie in Ragnarok. And before you come at me “Loki in Ragnarok was older than 2012 Loki so Loki probably didn’t know how to enchant before Ragnarok.” Okay fair enough. The thing is though Loki is thousands of years old. He should have centuries to at least a few thousand years worth of knowledge about sorcery. And we’re supposed to think after all that time studying it he wouldn’t know how to enchant someone? Bullshit. Loki should’ve had all of these abilities  and more all along in the MCU and especially in his own show. There’s no excuse for why he’s not just as powerful as the other Loki variants.

Look, I really hate that I had to make such a long post about this. I hate being negative. I really appreciate that we got a Loki show. I’m really happy to see Tom Hiddleston so passionate about it. There’s a lot I appreciate about this show. But the fact that Tom’s Loki was always so nerfed and not really allowed to be the powerful sorcerer he was supposed to be always bothered me. I’m not even saying I’m upset that MCU Loki isn’t exactly like Loki in the comics. I’m saying that  I always wanted to see Tom’s Loki kick ass as a sorcerer for the past 10 years. I was upset that I never got to see him do it in the movies. And when his show was announced I was excited to see him finally use his magic particularly in fights, and to see it even more underutilized was really disappointing. I was patient for 10 years and all I got to see was Loki firing green energy balls, and use telekinesis, and teleportation ONE time, and all the other Loki variants are so much more powerful than him. Not to mention he gets knocked around like a ragdoll all the time. Is it too much to ask to see Tom’s Loki actually be allowed to be a powerful sorcerer and be able to hold his own in fights? Can I see him use cool abilities MORE than once? Can I see more than just illusions and daggers? Can Tom’s Loki be allowed to be a threat instead of being used for laughs? If  the writers for the MCU are gonna mention that Loki is a very power sorcerer, then they should stop nerfing him, and let him be a sorcerer.

I know the first season was basically used to set up the multiverse and the next phase of the MCU which is cool, but I really hope they focus more on Loki and his abilities in season 2. I’m really trying to stay hopeful when people say Loki will use more magic in season 2, but I don’t want to get clowned again. But I’m also starting to think when they say Loki will use more magic in season 2, it won’t be Tom’s Loki. If Tom’s Loki isn’t allowed to be the awesome sorcerer he deserves to be in his own show, then at least we still have fanfiction and the comics. By the way, I’m not throwing shade at fanfiction writers a lot of them write great stories and do a far better job showcasing Loki’s sorcery than the MCU. I have a lot of respect for you guys :) Sorry this was so long, but after the finale I had a lot of frustration to get off my chest.

[norabrice1701]

An Offer Received - Part I

A Jaguar Villain Tom Hiddleston Character (Thomas Conrad) fanfic 

Pairing:Thomas Conrad x Fem!reader 

Summary: You were just doing your job. It wasn’t your fault you did it so well that your boss, Thomas Conrad, wanted to recruit you in his plan for world domination. And what Mr. Conrad wants, well…

Rating: Part I - an F-bomb or two (later parts heat up, but gotta start somewhere) 

A/N: This is rather the hopeless result of watching "High-Rise", "Crimson Peak", the British Villain Jaguar commercial series, and "The Night Manager" over the last few weeks...so, here goes nothing! Planned to be 5 or 6 parts when all’s said and done. 

GIF credit to the original poster via the Tumblr search! 

Part I - 5 Minutes 

You dropped to your office chair with a sigh, plugging in your laptop. Today’s department head meeting had passed uneventfully for once. Robert Stark, Head of R&D, and Chris Rogers, Head of Operations, constantly jockeyed for more allocation of your production resources. It was challenging, you’d admit – finding the balance act between supply and demand while planning for the future. But you were the youngest Head of Production for the largest tech giant in the world, Lok Industries – better known by the LOKI brand splashed on phones, watches, tablets, computers – for a reason.

While youngest as your particular department head, you were hardly the youngest on the senior staff. And that was to say nothing of the CEO himself. The youngest man in corporate history at the helm – an engineer with the aptitude for business strategy and the political savvy to chart a meteoric rise to the top. In fact, Thomas J. Conrad’s nomination for CEO five years ago passed unanimously in record time.  

You’d never met him, never even seen him around the office despite your department head position. Plenty of others had, though, with stories to tell and scars to prove it. You tried to stay above the office gossip – especially when it concerned your senior boss – but it was intriguing. For all the press release photos and official portraits you’d seen – Mr. Conrad looked pleasant enough. Intelligent, sky-blue eyes; well-coiffed, gold-brown hair that betrayed just a hint of natural curl; a dashing smile. But that’s all it was, according to the hearsay – just a well-crafted facade. No one should be fooled by those eyes that could cut men in half; by that clever mind operating with ruthless intent; or, by that sharp, cold tongue that knew no mercy.

It sounded like such a cliché. The handsome, suave boss who was secretly-not-so-secretly a heartless bastard. A vicious predator in a bespoke suit. Albeit, a gorgeous one.

That’s why you didn’t care for the gossip. It’d be far better to meet the man and form your own opinions – but you’d been sufficiently warned that you’d only be brought before Mr. Conrad when you royally fucked up. “Not if you royally fuck up,” Scarlett Romanov had helpfully clarified with a coy smile, “but when you royally fuck up.”

Well, four years in and it hadn’t happened yet. And today was no time to start.

Turning to your laptop, you tended to the business at hand – reviewing production data, answering emails, assigning resource allocation. All in a day’s work. At one point you glanced at the clock, realizing there was just an hour left in your day. Perfect.

Perhaps tonight, you’d break the stalemate with Sebastian Barnes, Head of IT, and text him. He was quite handsome in his own right, easy to converse with, and even easier to fall into bed with. Even morning coffee at his apartment had been pleasant. But work got in the way for both of you – between server upgrades and production outages, there always seemed to be some excuse recently.

The desk phone beeped twice, flashing red, followed by another set of two beeps. An internal caller. You glanced at the ID on the screen, brow furrowing as you hit the speaker button.“Afternoon, Mrs. Brunhilde.”

“Good afternoon.” The pleasant voice of Mrs. Willamina Brunhilde – a relic of the former CEO and still glorified secretary of the CEO’s office – suffused your name with warmth and professional detachment. “Mr. Conrad would like to see you. He has an opening for the next hour, and I’ve just reserved the time on your calendar. Are you in a position to come to his office in 5-10 minutes?”

You knew the question was largely a polite formality. When Mrs. Brunhilde called and Mr. Conrad wanted a meeting, there was no excuse to say no. Your heart rate accelerated as you swallowed. “Of course. I’ll be right there.”

With a few more perfunctory pleasantries, the call ended. You exhaled deep, fighting to reign in the sudden nervous energy that pooled in your gut. This was no different than any other meeting you’d attended – you were smart, you were capable. You were the Head of Production, and you didn’t get this job for being a pretty face. Brushing your slacks, adjusting your blazer, and smoothing your bangs, you exited your office for the trek across the sprawling building.

Mr. Conrad’s office suite overlooking the city harbor matched much of the building aesthetic – sharp lines, glass and chrome, a study in clean whites and crisp greys with hints of the company’s bold green signature color. Mrs. Brunhilde greeted you with a smile, ushering you forward to the dark, partially cracked double-doors. You rapped on the wood, exhaling deep.

“Enter.” His velvety, British drawl had always been appealing. 

You opened the door further, stepping inside. He glanced up from the slim folder in hand as he sat in the white, leather chair at his desk – the picture of perfection with straight posture, a black tie knotted tight at his throat, and the crisp white sleeves of his dress shirt on display.

He inclined his head ever so faintly, face devoid of a smile. “Thank you for coming.” Your name rolled off his tongue in the most pleasing way.

You tipped your head in return. “Of course. Thank you, sir, for taking the time.”

He reached to his laptop, pressing a button on the keyboard before looking back to the folder as audio started to play.

Your stomach sank to your feet as you recognized it.

Your voice carried clear. “Our control limits are holding – 23 defects per 1,000,000 units. Our department has set an improvement goal to drop that number from 23 to 5 in the next four years –.”

Robert’s voice interrupted. “Oh goody, but perhaps, more importantly, you can tell me when Lane 5 will be restored?”

“The investigation into Lane 5 is still ongoing,” you said, voice even, “the code has been scrubbed, and we’re looking at retooling options.”

“Retooling options?” Robert scoffed. “Need I remind you that it’s been 33 hours since you canned my primary production line? That’s 33 hours of lost time, to the tune of – oh, say a 9% drop of market share come holiday season if we don’t finish the dev on these new marine products.”

You didn’t miss a beat. “As opposed to a 21% loss in market share if we let our control limits slip and start producing a higher percentage of defective products? Consumers know the LOKI brand is reliable – the highest reliability of any of our competition – and reliability makes or breaks on the production floor. Sacrifice quality control limits and you might as well kiss your cushy retirement goodbye.”

“Then, scale back – temporarily – on Rogers’ orders. He’s meeting quota, check the box for market supply. And if it does get tight, well, a little more demand for less supply usually helps -”

“Robert,” you cut him off, voice tight, “this is my call. I’ve looked at the same numbers you have – with Lane 5 out of commission until we can bring it up to spec, it’s a hit to our bottom line. It’s my job to minimize that hit. While never desirable, we can weather a 9% loss without permanent damage to the brand. Even Mr. Conrad would agree to that. But, if you don’t like that answer – then, by all means, let’s do discuss with Mr. Conrad.” 

The room fell dead quiet, broken only by the faint squeak of a shifting chair.

“Well,” Robert started softly, “I don’t know that we need to go there just yet. What’s your projection on the investigation conclusion?”

“Retooling should complete in the next 21 hours, then we’ll move through start-up.”

Conrad’s hand floated back to his keyboard, pressing a button to cut off the recording. You didn’t dare speak as silence fell. If he was displeased, you would know soon enough. And if he was pleased, well…no one ever said they were called to Mr. Conrad’s office because he was pleased.

Your heart raced as he drew out the moment, but you wouldn’t let him see you sweat. You wouldn’t let him unnerve you.

Cold, crystalline eyes darted up to yours, pinning you in place. “You have absolutely no authority to speak for me. Making baseless statements about my assumed inclinations is not part of your job. Your job does include resolving those inter-department squabbles without leveraging my involvement as a threat. Now, if you’re incapable of standing behind your own decisions, incapable of defending the trajectory that you have set for your department and this corporation by extension – then, tell me now and spare me further disappointment.”

You responded on instinct, hiding the sting of his words.“No, sir. I’ve watched the company’s production numbers for almost four years now. Every metric is higher across the board than when I assumed the position -”

“Yes, including budget. Your department’s costs have increased, not exactly commensurate with your outputs. Diminishing returns often plague the pursuit for perfection as one approaches the pinnacle.” He glanced down idly to the file in his hand. “Your department walks that razor’s edge now. It would be well within my interest, perhaps, to cap you there.”

“Sir, the quality of our production is unparalleled –.”

“But you wanted to bring the discussion to Mr. Conrad, did you not? Well, here you are.” He closed the folder, tossing it idly to his desk before rising. Despite the late hour, he looked as pressed and polished as if the day had just started. He crossed around to the front of his desk, bracing against it as he rested his hands inside his trouser pockets. “There’s only one solution in this case.”

You debated asking but thought against it. Asking would be redundant. He wouldn’t have brought you here without a purpose, without something to gain.

He gestured at the nearest leather armchair opposite his desk. “Do have a seat.”

You paused, hesitating in consideration of his words. Sitting as he indicated would place you in a physically submissive position to his tall, lithe figure. Not that you were short in your heels – standing just over 5’9” – but you weren’t exactly keen to meet your senior boss on unequal footing.

His gaze hardened, mouth pinching with irritation. “If you’re stalling for time, my patience is not inexhaustible. And when I make an offer, I expect it to be received.”

Steeling yourself, moistening your lips, you crossed around to sit as indicated. You squared your shoulders and held your head high, refusing to fully angle back to look up at him as he spoke.

“Mrs. Brunhilde’s time at LOKI has come to an end. As you know, she was installed to her post by my predecessor who tailored the position to suit his needs. Needs that no longer align with my own or the corporation. The position is now evolving to meet the ever-evolving environment in which it must function.”

You nearly whiplashed from the change in conversation. Hadn’t he just questioned your ability to successfully do your job…?

He continued to speak softly yet there was no mistaking the hard, commanding edge. “The new terms for the CEO Administrative Executor now require someone with a working knowledge of the business and its trajectory; a willingness to stand in defense of that trajectory while keeping a clear head for the larger vision,” he pitched slightly forward, voice dropping with the barest hint of a tease, “and, of course, leveraging the power of one’s boss with explicit authority.”

It sure sounded like a tease, but you couldn’t be sure. You were too busy reeling from the implications. “Forgive me, sir,” you looked up at him, “but…it sounds like you’re suggesting….” You didn’t finish. Couldn’t finish. The thought of being removed as Head of Production and reassigned as his personal secretary, office administrative whatever repulsed you. Had he already judged you incapable? Was this punishment for one fucking meeting?

“I’m more than just suggesting.” He reached behind him for a loose sheet of paper. “Take the rest of this week as transition, and start in earnest on Monday.”

“The rest of this week?” You couldn’t stop the outburst. “I couldn’t possibly – you’re giving me just three days to transition out as Head of Production, and into the role of your office executor? Who’s my replacement? I need time to prepare the turnover, oversee the transition – and, surely, I should be involved in determining my replacement.”

A wolfish smile ghosted his face. “Welcome to your first objective in your new role. In addition to learning the expectations of this office and implementing goals for your redefined position, of course.” He held out the paper in your direction and you stared at it, wishing it would burst into flames.

The official notice of transfer with authority granted by the one and only Thomas J. Conrad.

Well, you wouldn’t be texting Sebastian tonight, after all. Not when your workload just quadrupled. You reached out for the paper, gripping it tight as you sighed.

“You needn’t look so glum about it,” he scolded lightly. “Consider it a promotion. If you hadn’t caught my eye – or ear, more accurately – you wouldn’t be here now. At least, you’ll find I’m rather adept at managing my own schedule; my valet manages my personal affairs; and, the café staff is well aware of my expectations for coffee and tea service.”

You quirked a brow. “Isn’t coffee delivery standard to every assistant position?”

He leveled you with a stern look in return. “If you ever bring me a cup of steaming liquid, you’ll find your pay docked by 60%. You’re in this position to be eyes, ears, and perspective on this company. Someone adept at managing the razor’s edge and surviving.” He straightened from his desk, extending a hand. “Are we understood on your priorities?”

Another challenge. Another opportunity. And if it didn’t pan out…well, how many others could say they worked directly for Thomas J. Conrad on their resume?

You rose, taking his hand. “Understood, sir.”

His answering smile, predatory and self-satisfied, sent shivers down your spine.

Up Next: Part II - 5 Weeks 

[nomadmilk]

Why the God Isn’t Bored on Midgard - Loki x F!Reader Drabble - 8.5

Summary: With Ragnarok decimating Asgard, Thor and Loki and their people return to Earth searching for refuge. Everyone else has seemed to settle, except for Loki - the God of Mischief and Chaos - who isn’t willing to live the domesticated Midgard life, and getting utterly bored out of his mind... Until he discovered you.

Word Count: 3K (Here we go, boys n girls)

Warnings: Rated M/18+. Confused feelings and smut. Impulsive/Slight dom Loki. F/M. Foreplay, slight bondage, and vaginal sex.

Author’s Note: As of 11.5.2020 it has been edited, but not much has changed. This is the other half of Part 8. Enjoy, and let me know what you think! :) x

Here are the other parts to the series: Part 1     Part 2 Part 3     Part 4 Part 5     Part 6 Part 7     Part 8 (First Half)     Part 8.5 (Second Half) Part 9

Loki arrived late. He had been stuck at his office in campus checking over a book a student had enquired on using for an upcoming essay. It was odd that Loki had come to care for miniscule things like this. Surely, if he was doing his job as a professor successfully, it would reflect in the students’ test results. If that was the case, Nick Fury might even stop monitoring him completely. So, Loki couldn’t slack.

He had to admit, however, that his productivity did dwindle when you surprised him with your presence.

Entering the flat, he sees you sitting on the sofa, finishing a canned drink. The can joins the other crumpled ones, lying on their side on the coffee table, but there was still more that stood in a bundle together, ready to be drunk.

He gets rid of the band on his head and relieves himself from the strain on his skull as his dark tresses are freed.

He takes a second to check over your visage. You got changed into something more comfortable; summer was closing in, and the nights were becoming humid. You had a satin vest and shorts on, but it must have been something your new lingerie shop job has given you. The vest shaped your cleavage marvelously, and the cut of your shorts bared your thighs in a bewitching manner.

He slacks his tie and begins to unbutton his waistcoat.

“Loki, why did you kiss me?” You question him.

He stills for a moment; your forwardness never ceases to make him smile. “Yes, my day was well, thank you.”

“I’m serious.” You press, eye contact never leaving his. “Why’d you do it?”

He smirks, discarding the waistcoat. It disappears with a glint of light as its removed. “Is that what you’ve been thinking about all this time?”

“I-…“ You search for words. You weren’t quite sure if being honest to Loki was going to change any of his mannerisms for the better, or if he was going to use your vulnerability as an advantage.

“I haven’t.” You reply, resuming. “…But – hypothetically – if I told you I had been, what would you say?”

You could practically hear Loki’s laugh from his risen brow; it was a stupid response, and you wanted to smack your forehead for it.

He sits opposite you. “Hypothetically, I would say that clearly something about it is bothering you. And, I would ask why.”

You huff. Loki could see your mind in contemplation, wanting to let the topic pass. He has mostly seen you swung by your mood so, observing your solemn ambience, was new for him. Like usual, he didn’t know what to expect with it.

“What seems to be on your mind?” He starts.

“A lot.” You reply. “… I don’t know where to start, probably cause’ I don’t know whether to trust you or not.”

“And why can’t you trust me, Y/N?”

“Because I don’t know who you are besides your title and your magic. I get that some of it’s partially my fault because I tend to be out of the house – even then, how can you blame me when you-… When you mess with the way I feel.” You stand. “Ugh – God, that sounds like I’m some kind of teenager…”

Although you were avoiding his gaze, Loki’s doesn’t lift. Come to think of it, the situations he’d caused, those were odd choices to mess with you. He could have used his Seidr to do much worse, and embarrass you in other ways, or even get you kicked out and he would have had the apartment to himself.

But he didn’t want that.

He acknowledges his behaviour towards you. If you had a serious problem with it, Loki thought you were more than capable in filing a complaint against him, or capable of planning something that would get rid of him from the apartment forever.

But, you hadn’t.

You cross your arms. “We’ve been living together for a while now, and I don’t even know anything about your world, or-… Or, your relationship with your brother-“

“If there is anything you need to know, my brother isn’t one of them.” If anything, Loki wanted you to walk away from the conversation with at least one honest sentence from him. Thor was a renowned hero, there’s no point in getting information from him when you could get it from the internet or on a gossip show on T.V. You could even text Thor himself… Although, now Loki thinks about it, hearing Thor’s side of their past might constrain him to add in actual facts.

You shrug. “Or how about your mom? Or your dad? – Or even something simple like-”

Loki crosses his arms, leaning back into the couch, curious. “And why is it that you’re suddenly interested in all of this?”

“Well, I’d like to if it’s-…” You shake your head. “You know what, I knew this was a bad idea from the start. I just thought that maybe if I got to know you, I’d actually understand you. I mean, I don’t even know what you gain from messing with me all the time.”

Loki’s very nature is chaos, so it was no wonder that Loki found solace in causing trouble. Life lacked lustre after recent events. So, the whimsical universe brought you for him to play and ‘mess’ with.

“If it’s not one thing, then it must be the other…” You say to yourself, clearing the empty cans off of the table. You look at him, a face of forfeit. “If you’re gonna’ bullshit me, then I’m leaving the apartment…“

He had to admit, all those moments he had felt some sense of control, or even lack of, strangely excited him. At times, he didn’t know whether he wanted to break you, or leave you at the cliff, but when you faced him… You were magnetic.

“Stark’s party.” He queries, switching topics. “You wanted to talk about that in particular.”

You stop in your tracks, blinking.

You return the empty cans back onto the table. “… Well, I was in a middle of a phone call-“

“Yes.” Loki’s eyes were intense. “Is that all you remember?”

He swore to himself that nothing, in the many years he had been alive, had stimulated him more than the image of you in climactic bliss. It illuminates in his mind; vivid, and unforgettable.

The creases on your face relax. It seems you had the same image in your mind too, and it was making your knees weak. “W-what do you mean?”

“Did you…Did it feel good?” He interrogates some more.

Your features are softening from the anger fading and, as expected, forms a hue on your cheeks that matched the pink of your lips.

You swallow. “It did.”

There’s a pause that settles between the two of you. Loki’s jaw clenches as he focuses on you; it was your eyes staring back at him. They had that look Loki couldn’t pull himself away from, reminding him from all the past times he had felt breathless from you. It must have been from the heat, or maybe he was tired, but your eyes... They were dilated… And sultry.

Loki reaches over to you, taking your wrists and tugging you towards him. Your legs regain balance, your wrist still within Loki’s hand. You stare down at him, mouth agape.

“Loki,” you stutter, “I know you’re reading me.”

His voice was soft; like it was intended for only you to hear. “Then, let me take closer look at you.”

Another light tug guides you closer towards him, your will to keep the conversation going diminishes to fumbled words. His hands drift to your luscious thighs as they climb on top of him, his lap a perfect seat to gaze up at you.

Feeling his hand cradle your face, his thumb traces your jaw, gently pulling your face closer to his, body leaning towards him. Your hands settle on his chest, and the closeness of it all awakens something in your core, eyes flickering to his lips.

You feel his hot breath as he exhales, the sound of a low tenor sigh making your heart thud out of your ribcage. 

Your ample lips press against his. 

You pull back a little, allowing yourself to breathe. “I... like you, Loki.”

You hear Loki take a deep inhale as he presses himself into you, sinking his lips onto yours. Your tongue slides in, and as he feels yours against his own, he exhales a moan that causes your walls to ache. You whimper as you shift in his lap, rubbing against him, and eventually you could feel his cock pushing itself against you.

His hands holding you, they roam your temperate form; he caresses and squeeze your thighs, they trail up to your hips and waist and graze the sides of your torso. Your nerves sense the smoothness of his skin, and the oddity of temperature; slightly colder than you expected, but it cools you in the humidity of the night.

Breaking the kiss, you pull your vest over your head to reveal more of your skin; your chest, nipples hard and breasts plump, were exquisite to Loki’s irises. Eager to experience all of you, his mouth seizes one of your sensitive mounds, a deep growl sighs from his throat approving the softness and delicacy of it. You gasp as you feel his caressing licks and tender bites, feeling his other hand roam up your stomach to cup and massage the other.

“Fuck…” With each brush of the satin fabric against your clit, you could feel your walls pulse and your folds produce that wetness that made you greedy to be full.

Your fingers were just about to reach the waistband of your shorts to sate yourself, before Loki snatches them away.

His lithe hands stir up on your inner thigh, and your walls squeeze once more. “Let me, my sweet.”

The mist of the cream and rose perfume that Loki could sense was replaced by the beguiling scent of your nectar. You readjust for his closer inspection, and he sees the damage done by your heat; the shorts had darkened from you grinding against him and, as he slides them aside to reveal your delicious pussy drooling for him, deemed unnecessary.

They needed to come off immediately.

He laces a finger in the warmth of your smooth, tender folds. “Was this what you wanted to tell me all along?”

You nod, lip biting to stop yourself from begging to be touched further; his finger just about grazes your gentle bud.

But Loki wasn’t having any of that. “I want you to say it.”

You begin to pant, as you feel his fingers tease your entrance. “L-Loki, I need-”

“Don’t look away from me when you say it, my darling – Say it to me.”

As your shy eyes lock with the compelling inflection in his, your response can’t help but sound like a shameless and sensuous plea.

“I want you, Loki. Please.”

Loki watches your complexion shift to satisfaction as two of his digits dip into the soaked crease. Shorts vanishing, he slowly delves his fingers further, fascinated by how your juices eased them into your snug walls, and his erection twitches from enjoying the view just a little too much.

His free hand aids to keep you still by the waist, tantalizing you by restricting your body from lowering onto his fingers at a faster pace. “Shall we finish what we started?”

You brace yourself, open palms finding their way underneath his loose shirt collar to feel his collarbone. His fingers dive deeper and curl into spot of your crevice, eliciting a moan from your sugary mouth.

“Y-yes, Loki…” You pant more, eye contact proving to be difficult due to ecstasy that Loki was building up inside of you.

His hum is sly, accepting your signature. “Good… Now, let me have all of you.”

He paces his fingers in and out of you, your walls convulse tightly around him and evoke your nectar to drip onto his knuckles like clear honey. Your head swings back from the pleasure, and Loki, seeing your body being bent by his will, is in awe with your nude and flushed form. He had never seen you more beautiful than you were now.

Hips swaying in time with his rhythm, he could feel your body submit to his touch fully. You lean in to kiss him again, and your salacious mewls can be caught upon his tongue.

As you feel his thumb press lightly on your bud one more time, your mind was challenged with the idea of coasting with the pleasure, whilst the other half had a dire need to climax.

Voice uneasy, you whisper against his lips. “Please- ah!- Loki, I’m gonna’ cum.”

He tuts, voice breaking slightly from watching. “Why are you in such a rush, my dear?”

Your gorgeous breaths stop with an abrupt yelp. Loki picks you up to lie you down on to the couch, your naked body beside him. Your heartbeat thumps rapidly, spine adjusting to the awkward surface, as you stare at him briskly taking off his tie.

You whine; your desire had been building, and you could feel it falter. Not wanting to lose it, you touch yourself. You lap the juice onto the tips of your fingers, and drag them up to your delicate bead. You feel that needy pulse in your centre again as Loki unbuttons his shirt, displaying his incredibly toned torso and broad shoulders. You had seen his upper body naked before, but you were still in such amazement as to how his clothes seemed to make him slimmer than he was.

Body calling for him, you slip a couple of fingers inside of you.

Loki slowed in his undressing as he catches what you’re doing; he had wondered what you were like when you pleasured yourself, and he wasn’t disappointed with the truth. He wanted to know all your traits, and all your flaws; your anger, your sadness, your happiness, your awkwardness… And this, this carnal and intimate side of you, was one side he hadn’t realised he’d been patient on waiting for.

Loki was fighting to be composed.

Breathing hard and scattered, you bite your lip. “L-Loki?”

Norns, why did you have to be so erotic.

He grabs both of your wrists, your voice weak in complaint as he binds them together with his discarded tie, preventing you from touching yourself any further. The knot was taut, and any amount of agitation made your wrists cramp, but it didn’t hinder your arousal at all. 

He wanted to have you as he saw fit, and it did not include you cumming without his cock inside you.

Before you attempt to say anything, he gestures for all of his remaining clothes to disappear, and it goes with a shine of light. His cock springs free, Loki grunts in relief that his raging member could now breathe.

Arms slacking from the struggle with the new cuffs, your eyes adjust to his naked physique, your eyes lowering past his abdomen to see his lengthy erection stand. However, you didn’t have a chance to study, or to even admire it, as he grips your thighs once more, pulling you towards him and spreading you open. 

And, within the slick and hot pleat of your core, you feel his hardness slide against you and your bud, and it coaxes your back to arch on the edge of euphoria.

A moan, like caramel to Loki’s ears, cries from your lips as the tip of his cock pushes inside you. He inhales through gritted teeth as his long shaft feels the pressure of your feminine walls, and the sensitivity to its beat. His grasps on your hips tighten, blemishing your skin as he reaches the end of you with another relieving growl. Another precious mewl escapes from the back of your throat as he pulls out, a layer of your aroma covering his shaft.

Not wanting to delay it any longer, Loki thrusts into you.

His thrusts are relentless and deep, feeling yourself stretch and fit around him. He was greeted with your blushing expression, irises glazed with lustful avidity and our lip bitten down, withholding your intoxicating moans. 

But, with each thrust Loki gave you, your lips loosened, and the candy sound of your bliss encourages his movements.

“Loki, I’m-...Ah!” You could feel yourself clutch around him, a release begging to subdue you.

Loki could feel you get close too, and he was desperate to experience that sensation on him. He seizes you by the bind of your wrist, using it to spur his pace, his pelvis rocking and slamming into yours again and again. He savours the aphrodisia of your body, savours the sensuous resonance of his name being cried in wanton need, savours the arousing essence surrounding the both of you, savours the fervor of your warm skin…

And, as your pussy clenches him like a vice, he savours everything about your climax.  

Even after your orgasm, he fills you with every inch of him you could take, voice rasp in nearing his own sexual alleviation. He could feel waves of your peak straining and milking his cock to his own end, your own ears feel muddled with the loud bangs of your heartbeat and the sound of your name being lost from Loki’s lips.

Your skin feeling damp, you survey Loki with bleary eyes, and he surveys you back with same sensual haze.

There you were, splayed recklessly in front of him, looking unashamedly delectable covered with his cum. Like he had finally tamed your wildness, so that he could only have it all to himself.

He kisses you.  Had he known what it was like to bed you, he would have done it sooner.

“You are…” His hot breath runs against your neck. “Divine.”

[loveyou-x3000]

Thoughts on the Thor Backlash (SPOILERS)

Why are people shitting so hard on Thor's character in Endgame?

This dude (ha) lost everything. Absolutely everything. Every single Thor franchise movie has him losing something he loved; his brother, his mother, his father and the Warriors Three, his home and his hammer. And we left Ragnarok with Thor in mourning but hopeful. His brother was back and they were on the mend, Bruce/Hulk was back, he made friends with a Valkyrie and he escaped with everyone he could. There was a new life waiting for them on Earth.

Then Infinity War.

By the end of Infinity War, this is what Thor had lost:

Loki

Frigga

Odin

Mjolnir

Heimdall

Volstagg

Hogun

Fandral

Sif

His relationship with Jane (and possibly Jane)

Asgard, the whole fucking planet

50% of his people - again

His entire family. His friends. His people. His home. And to top it all off, he failed everyone. He didn't go for the head.

So when he does behead Thanos, he sees the what happens after.

Nothing.

No one comes back. No one is revived. Asgard is dust and he's a King he never knew how to be. He still failed.

So he gets depressed. Starts eating, drinking. He finally takes on the weight of loss with nothing to look forward to to keep him moving. He probably waits for Loki to show up, but he never does. He can't even say Loki's name without crying, as seen in the scene where he recounts Thor: The Dark World to his friends. He never mentions him because he can't. There is no Thor without Loki.

He's not the strongest Avenger. He's not a God. He's a fuck up.

Why wouldn't a royal prince, told his entire life his destiny was victory and glory, have a breakdown after the loss of his entire world? Is that so out of character, or do you just not like that a God seems human?

Cut the Russos some slack. They gave Thor the goodbye he never got to give his mother. Showed the weight of his pain. He isn't done. He got back on his feet. He reached out for Mjolnir in a time of immense weakness, just to once again feel a reassurance - from Odin no less - that even in his biggest failure, he was still worthy. That character progression never regressed. He doesn't need it, just like a grown child doesn't need their father. But doesn't it feel nice to have a hug every once in a while?

Loki's not done either. Thor 4 is a possibility (as well as GotG3) and he has his own TV show in the works. Even if we never see Infinity War Loki the way we'd like, we get back the Loki who isn't set in his decisions about family - he may never be sentenced (read:betrayed) by Odin, and maybe he finds a way to Endgame Thor one day. Who knows?

The sun will shine on them again. Just be patient.

[allaboutthebooz]

I See The Light Pt. Four

Summary: Tony takes the team to Walt Disney World and Steve is understanding why it’s so magical.

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Warnings: angst. Gotta have the angst.

A/N: Well when I typed this up it came out to over 2300 words and I could have kept it going, but I figured I would cut it where I did and just make add another part. Have mercy. There are a few scenes from the actual movies added in and, well you’ll see. Memories will be in italic. The majority of this will be memories. And don’t worry, this is just scratching the surface of the relationship between Steve and the reader.

Sweat dripped from Steve’s forehead and covered his back, chest, and arms. It soaked his shirt, causing it to stick to his body with each hit he landed on the punching bag.

‘whack’ ‘whack’ ‘whack’

Memories of his past flooding his mind with each swing. The life he lost when he put the aircraft into the ocean the frozen Artic. The war. Bucky. Peggy. Peggy. Peggy. Nothing, but anger pours from him. His hits growing harder and harder until the bag rips from its steel hinges and crashes onto the floor, sand flying from the busted stitching.

Breathing hard, he takes a moment to calm down before brushing his hair back in place and picking up a new bag and hanging it up. Replacing the broken one. Another deep breath as he resumes his workout.

‘whack’ ‘whack’ ‘whack’

“Trouble sleeping?” A voice calls from the front of the gym, pulling Steve’s attention away from the task at hand. He looks for the intruder to see Fury standing in the shadows, except he’s not alone. A smaller, slim figure stands beside him. A woman. They move forward together, stepping into the light.

“I slept for seventy years, sir.” ‘whack.’ More punches land on the hefty sand filled bag. “I think I’ve had my fill.”

“Then you should be out. Celebrating. Seeing the world.” The two stop about five feet Steve. He stops his hits and finally looks at his company.

Fury the same as always. Dark clothes and eyepatch. Face void of emotion. But the woman. The woman was someone Steve had yet to meet. Her hair was long and a rich shade of burgundy. Her face almost completely void of makeup. Freckles scattered across her cheeks and nose. Eyes big and round. Her suit skin-tight, like Maria’s, but more blue than grey. Still dark, though. He tries not to stare too long, but her small smirk tells him that he failed.

He turns from then and starts to unwrap his hands. “I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.” He stuffs one wrap in his bag and begins to unwrap the other.

“We’ve made some mistakes along the way. Some very recently.”

Steve peeks at them and notices the file in the woman’s hands.

“You here with a mission, sir?”

“I am. Agent Y/L/N.” She takes a step forward, holding the file out to him.

“Trying to get me back into the world?” He asks, not taking the file.

“Trying to save it.” She tells him, speaking for the first time. Her voice calm, but stern. She opens the file, urging him to look.

The subject within grabs his attention. He puts his other wrap in the bag, joining its friend. He takes the file from her and sits on the bench.

“Hydra’s secret weapon.” He starts flipping through the pages and pictures of the Tesseract.

“Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you.” Fury explains, causing Steve to look at him. “He thought-we think the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That’s something the world sorely needs.”

The super soldier closes the file and hands it back to the agent. She takes it. “Who took it from you?” He asks.

She sighs. “He’s called Loki. He’s…not from around here.” She taps her fingers against the folder.

“There’s a lot we have to bring you up to speed on, if you’re in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know.”

Steve stares beyond them, contemplating. “At this point, I doubt anything will surprise me.” Agent Y/L/N smirks when he stands and turns away from them. “Ten bucks says you’re wrong.”

He gathers his bag and walks to the row of punching bags that are lined on the floor. Picking one up and putting it on his shoulder. Fury continues. “There is a debriefing packet waiting for you, back at your apartment.”

Steve keeps his pace, heading towards the exit.

“Is there anything that you can tell us about the Tesseract, that we ought to know now?”

“You should have left it in the ocean.”

--

That was the first time he had met Y/N and all he knew about her was that she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. and was nice to look at. Except, he never admitted that to anyone, not even himself. He remembers seeing her in the control room of the Helicarrier and the way she let out the biggest belly laugh as he handed her a ten-dollar bill. “Thanks, Cap.” Was all she could manage to say between her laugh.

He learned that she and Natasha were extremely close, and both had a personal mission to save another agent that had been compromised because of Loki. The two women were very similar in skill and attitude, which he believes is because of their time in the Red Room, but Y/N was just a bit more carefree. She laughed more than Natasha did. He never had to ask her name. He didn’t have to. It was in her file in the debriefing packet. Y/N Y/L/N. Simple yet fitting.

Both she and Natasha hail from Russia, saved by Clint, and are now the top spies working for Fury.

Said spies were currently sitting across the table from he and Bucky. They were sharing pictures from the trip. This was the first time they’ve actually sat together as a group for a meal. They decided to meet up in the UK at Epcot to eat at the Rose and Crown.

They ordered drinks while waiting for Sam and Wanda. Laughing and telling stories of different events that happened during the trip.

“I didn’t think I’d ever hear a grown man scream the way that Bucky did on Space Mountain.” Nat tells the other’s as y/n hunches over the table, laughter spewing from her lips and tears falling from her eyes.

“It’s a rollercoaster in the dark!” Bucky states, trying to defend himself. “You can’t see anything except for some fucking lights that look like stars. You think you’re gonna go one way and it’s like ‘no man, you’re going this way.’” All I could think was ‘All of this bullshit that I’ve dealt with, and this is how I die.’”

His admittance makes the other’s roar with laughter again, drawing unwanted attention to their table.

--

Another successful mission means another party thrown by Tony. Various friends and heads of business to rub elbows with. The team is required to attend to kiss the asses of every old rich snob that walks through the door.

Everyone in their best. Steve in his usual button down and black slacks. After watching a couple of World War II vets- who were as old as he is- get taken down by Thor’s Asgardian elixir, he moves to find more of his friends. He spots Nat behind the bar, mixing drinks. She’s talking to another woman. As he moves closer, the woman turns her face to the side as Bruce steps up beside her.

Steve stumbles the slightest when he realizes it’s Y/N. Her burgundy hair looks almost black in the dim party lights and curled in soft waves down her back. Her dress, like everything else she wears, clings to her curves in black silk, stopping at her knees. Her shoulders covered in nothing but two thin straps. A giant bow on her left hip. Her soft skin tempting to touch.

He shakes his head and continues his walk to the bar. Y/N turns from the semi-private conversation that was occurring between the beast and the spider. She gives Steve a smile when she sees him coming her way.

“Hey there, soldier.” Her soft voice calls to him.

“Hey, yourself.” He replies, leaning against the bar.

“Having fun?”

“Impossible not to. There’s some interesting characters here tonight.”

She laughs and nods. “Do you expect anything else from Tony?”

He chuckles. “No, of course not, but it’s fun no less.”

“Well, good. You deserve to have fun.” She stretches over the bar, giving Steve a good view of her long frame, and pulls a couple bottles of beer from behind the counter. She pops the tops off of both of them and hands one to him. “I talked to Sam. Still no word on Bucky.”

The soldier sighs and nods, taking a sip of his beer before answering. “Yeah, he’s still missing.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll find him.” She puts a hand on his arm, stroking her thumb across the skin that’s exposed under his rolled sleeves. His skin tingling at the simple touch.

All he can do is nod.

**

The night is drawing to a close, all the guests have left, and the team is sitting around a table, littering the couches and floor. Thor laughing.

“But it’s a trick.” Clint calls from his spot on the floor, drumstick twirling between his fingers.

“No, it’s much more than that.” Thor tells him, clinking beer bottles with Steve, Y/N perched against his legs in the floor.

“Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power.” Clint exclaims in a mocking tone. “Whatever, man! It’s a trick!”

The God of Thunder chuckles raising his hand to Mjolnir as a welcome gesture. “Please, be my guest.”

This begins the entertainment on the guys each taking their turn trying to lift the hammer. Each of them failing after countless tries. The women sitting around, smirks in place and eyebrows arched.

After Bruce jumps away from it with a tease of Hulk rage, Steve pats your shoulders, urging her forward so that he can have a try.

Everyone giving words of encouragement, while he struts the short distance to the table, rolling his sleeves up once more, a smug look on his face as he observes the taunting hammer. He grips Mjolnir’s handle and tugs. Muscles straining with the resistance she gives.

The hammer budges just a bit, but quickly sets back in place. Thor’s smile slipping and Y/N’s eyes growing wide, her drink stopped on her red lips. He gives a final tug, before raising his hands in defeat. Thor gives an anxious chuckle as Steve resumes his spot on the couch. She stands, handing him her drink.

“Let a lady show you show it’s done.” Her bare feet pad quietly across the floor, Sam giving a cat call from his hair by the bar. Steve watches her observe the hammer, placing her hands in the same position as the other’s had. Giving it a good pull, the table groans beneath it and the hammer ever so slightly scoots across the surface. Another pull and it lifts only a centimeter up.

The others fall silent, watching in awe of what was happening before their eyes. Thor’s drink long forgotten as it tips in his hand and drips down his arm. Steve sits unmoving, watching this killer assassin, move the hammer more than he ever thought possible, by someone other than Thor.

She releases the handle with a huff and step back. “I didn’t want to be queen, anyways.” She smooths out her dress, ignoring the silence and stares from the team, sits on the arm of the couch next to Thor’s shoulder, snapping him out of his shock.

Bruce clears his throat and gestures to Net. “And, Widow?”

“Oh, no, no, no. that’s not a question I need answered.” She responds, leaning back on her elbow.

Tony, ever the skeptic, carries on with his belief. “All deference to the man who wouldn’t Be King, but it’s rigged.”

“You bet your ass.” Clint chimes in, patting Tony on the shoulder.

“Steve, he said a bad language word.” Maria calls from her place on the couch.

Steve sighs. “Did you tell everyone about that?”

--

After Sam and Wanda finally join the table, everyone orders their food and the laughter continues. Steve sits back, trying to remember everyone got to be carefree like this. He can only think of one time and even then, they were hiding from something.

--

Clint had a family. A family. And the only people who knew were Y/N and Nat. After they had all settled in and gotten washed up. The girls helped Laura get dinner ready. They laughed and drank, well Y/N and Nat did, and they caught up on everything. That night, Steve found himself standing on the porch with the burgundy haired Avenger next to him. Both sipping from a bottle of beer in their hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She laughs and shakes her head. “Because it wasn’t my secret to tell. He wanted to keep them safe. We all did. They’re the only family, I have. We couldn’t tell anyone.”

Steve’s gut twists at her admission. Her only family? What about the Avengers? Weren’t they a family? “They’re not you’re only family.”

She pulls her big eyes away from the night sky and turns them on him. “You don’t know anything about me, Steve? You know me as well as Tony does.”

“That’s not true and you know it.”

“It is true. You only see what I allow you to see.”

“Why? We’ve been working together for a long time now. How many times have we almost died together? How many times have we saved each other’s lives?”

“That’s work, Steve. That’s not personal.”

“Then let’s make it personal.”

Y/N sighs and shakes her head, looking down at her lap. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? You know everything about me.”

“The whole world knows everything about you. You’re an open book. They have a fucking exhibit dedicated to you at the Smithsonian for Christ sake.”

“That’s not everything. That’s what I did during the war.”

“Then tell me something that no one else knows. If you want to get personal, then you can start.” That stops him. He wasn’t expecting her to turn it around on him. “That’s what I thought. How about this, Cap. When you can be honest with me, I’ll be honest with you. It goes both ways, if you want to be a family.” She hops down from the rail and goes inside, slamming the door behind her.

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[lazy-crow-writingblog]

Peter Parker: Crashing Your Field Trip-Chapter 3: Vacation: Day 1

Peter was the first to wake up. According to the schedule he was given the group would leave around 5pm yesterday and would arrive at the hotel around 10pm. The parents would share a room with there kids and the the two staff members would be in a room together in-case they needed anything. It was 6am, would they be up at this time? Peter really wanted to surprise them. Should he go down now? He didn't want Tony and Stephen to wake up and see him not there. Tony would freak for sure. Maybe later?  Peter pulled out his phone and just started playing games on his phone to try and past the time. He looked over to the sleeping adult. Stephen spooning Tony and Tony drooling on the pillow. He smiled and continued to play games on his phone and just watching videos until he got a text from Ned.

NedAlert: Dude! I just woke up in the hotel! This bed is so soft!

Peter: That sounds cool.

NedAlert: We even get our own rooms!

Peter: Really!?

NedAlert: Well, kinda.

NedAlert: It's still connected to our parents rooms and some kids have to bunk with others.

Peter: I see......

NedAlert: Still cool though.

Peter: I know.

NedAlert: Oh! gotta go! We're going to get breakfast.

NedAlert: Text you later!

Peter: Later.

This was his chance. Should he just go? Maybe he should tell them first? He doesn't Tony and Stephen to freak out. Well Tony would be the one freaking out, Stephen would be the one trying to get the situation calm. Maybe he should take his phone, just so they can call them if they worried. The spider teen got off his bed and walked over to the side where Doctor Strange was laying on. His arm was currently wrapped around Tony and said man with his head on his chest and drooling. Gross. Peter gently shook his sholder to wake up the sleeping doctor. He groaned but opened his eyes non the less.

"Yes, Peter?" He asked with sleep layering his tone.

"Can I go downstairs and get something to eat?" He asked.

"You can order room service."

"I know, I just wanted to get out and stretch my legs a bit."

The look Strange gave him was clear that he didn't buy his excuse, but he didn't make an effort to point it out.

"You know you don't have to ask to go and eat, right?"

A light blush crept up to Peter's cheeks and his eyes shifted down. "I just wanted to be sure."

Despite Peter having spent multiple nights at Tony's place, he still isn't used to the idea of him being able to have anything he wants. Tony has explained to him that he is more than happy to buy Peter what he want and let him eat more then he should, that doesn't stop Peter from feeling like he's asking for to much, and Peter's self consciousness certainly doesn't stop Tony from spoiling the kid with whatever Peter likes. A small smile found it's way on Stephen's lips.

"Go on. Just don't stay to long and try to stay away from Flash's mom."

Peter brighten up, quickly put on his sneaker, grabbed his phone and extra key-card, and headed towards the elevator to go to the main lobby. By the time the elevator reached him it had a guy in there already. They exchanged smiles as Peter enters the elevator and saw the elevator was heading towards the lobby already, all he had to do is wait. Peter looked to the side to see if he could get a better look at the guy, he didn't really do it as he got on. From what he could see the guy looked young. Maybe in his early to late 20's, black curly hair, a dark blue t-shirt and black shorts, dark mocha skin, and he was skinny-ish, about Peter's height but clearly more build then the spider teen. The way the guy carried himself was different though. He had a perfect posture, his arms resting comfortably behind his back and, were those beads around his neck? Nether the less Peter put his attention back on the elevator doors. He was growing impatient, tapping his index fingers against his thighs. The old guy noticed this.

"Nerves?" He asked.

Him suddenly speaking and the accent that accompanied it startled the young boy. He was able to compose himself, hopefully it was fast enough for the guy not to notice. It wasn't, he laughed when he saw this, even his laughed seemed to be distinguished. That gave Peter the chance to notice a gap between his teeth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He said still smiling.

"Oh, uh, it's okay. I just didn't expect you to talk." Peter tried to explain himself but was failing.

"Ah, so your not used to talking in elevators?"

"No, not really." Peter went quiet for a moment, his spider-senses weren't going off so he guess the situation was safe. "My name's Peter."

"T'challa. Why are you in such a rush?"

"I'm trying ti meet my friends before they leave."

"Ah, I see."

"What brings you here?" Peter asked as innocently as he could, in reality he was trying to be a bit nosy.

"My friend insisted on us taking a vacation together despite the responsibilities I have to tend to."

"Well he probably has the right idea. Everyone deserve a break after working hard for so long"

T'challa smiled more when he heard that, "I supposed you're right."

The elevator dinged, announcing their arrival to the lobby. When the doors opened a lady was in front of it. She was a little lighter then T'challa, a bit younger too, she her hair was braided and pulled into 2 tight buns on each sides. She offered Peter a smile and he returns it.

"I was just coming to get you. M'baku is eating your plate." She said.

T'challa shook his head, waved Peter goodbye, and followed the lady to wherever this food stealing M'baku was. He didn't think to much of that and instead headed towards the eating area where he knew his classmates would be. When he reached there he scanned the room and when he found them he made immediate eye contact with Flash and the look on his face was satisfying and something he'll never forget. Peter did his best to not show how amused he was with Flash's face and continued to scan a bit further til he saw Ned and M.J. sitting together. A wide grin crossed his face and he quickly and quietly walked behind Ned to which M.J. noticed but said nothing about. He lifted his hand and slapped them down on the boys shoulders, startling him. When he turned around and saw the face of his best friend he was immediately filled with joy.

"Dude, how did you get here?" Ned asked after getting up and giving a Peter a hug.

"I'm on vacation. So technically not on a school trip." He told them.

The three of them sat and talked and ate for a while. All while they did that Peter's spider-senses  were alerting him of someone watching him. That was all he was getting so he figured he was alright. About 40 minutes later the hall is almost empty besides from his classmates, their parents and a few other patrons, he get's a text from Stephen saying that Tony was up and asking when he'd be back up. He texted back in a minute or 2 and started getting ready to leave.

"Hey, I gotta go and get ready. See you guys later."

Peter, unfortunately, wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. Flash's mother came stomping over in clear anger and grabbed Peter by the forearm and started tearing into him.

"Why are you here!? Who let you on this trip!? I made certain you were not to be allowed on this trip!" She screeched gabbing the attention of the little people still in the eating hall.

"Um, actually-" Peter tried to explain himself but she cut him off.

"No! Shut up you miserable twat! I don't want to hear what your bastard mouth has to say! Where are the teachers in charge? Do they know you've sneaked your way here? Where did you stay last night? Somewhere in the halls I supposed, you're probably used to it."

"He's on vacation." M.J. chimed in.

Mrs. Thompson snapped her attention to M.J. "And who said he could do that?"

M.J. shrugged. "Whoever brought him."

The Ned spoke. "You can't blame him for sneaking on to trip he was kicked off of and if he isn't even apart of the group."

Their talk back leaves Mrs. Thompson speechless and slack-jawed and he grip on Peter loosening. With her grip not as tight as it was he yanked his arms out of her hand and made his escape. Him suddenly moving snapped her out of whatever trance and she started yelling after him so he started quickening his pace which basically turned into a quick jog. He made it to the elevator and he thanked whatever god that was listening, so probably not Loki, that it was still on the lobby floor. Once inside he pressed the button for hid floor and the button the closed the door. Good thing to because she was a good 20 feet from him. He arrived at the room he was sharing with Tony and Stephen in 3 minutes. Tony was in the middle of putting a shirt on and Stephen was already dressed. However Stephen eyes shifted to the teens forearm and he frowned.

"Where did that bruise come from?" He asked and Peter froze.

Peter slowly looked at his left arm and sure enough a purple bruise jad formed it's way there. Fuck. What excuse could he tell them? He fell? Ran into something? He didn't have time to think of better ones because Tony walked up to him and started inspecting it.

"It looks like a hand. Did someone grab you?" He asked.

Well no used lying now.

"Flash's mom grabbed my arm when she saw me. But it's alright. I'm fine, really."

Despite their faces not believing that they didn't push any further and just told him to get dressed.

°°°°

Their first stop was the History Museum. Nothing special, they walked around and learned about some old stuff. They did run into a few of Peter's classmates there but Tony wasn't around. The one interesting thing about this was an artifact that was told it used to be able to teleport you wherever by just thinking of a place.

"It's fake." Stephen said.

This confused the billionaire and the spider teen.

"What makes you think that?" Peter asked.

A smirk creeped it's way on to the sorcerer's face. "I put it there."

The teen gasped and his excitement grew.

"What? Wait, so you stole something?"

"I couldn't let them keep the real one here. Can you imagine what would happen if it fell into the wrong hands?"

"So you stole it." Tony said bluntly.

Stephen sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"Cool! How did you do it? Was it like a secrete spy mission with magic?" Peter asked with absolute glee in his eye.

Stephen chuckled a little. "No, I just made a portal and swapped them when no one was looking."

"Oh." Peter said before piping up again. "Still cool though."

"Very cool actually. What have you swapped out with something fake wizard boy?" Tony asked in his usual smug manner.

"You want me to go down the list alphabetically or from what I think is best?"

°°°°

After a while in the museum the three of them went to get lunch, which was just McDonald's. Next up on the "schools" trip was to talk with someone who claimed to have worked for Tony's company. When they arrived the guy was just starting his segment. His name was apparently Jack. Peter, Steven, and Tony sat in the back so no one would notice them. Some decathalon kids had simple question. Stuff like "did you handle sensitive stuff?" or "did you ever present an idea to Tony?" Peter leaned over to Tony and quietly asked if he knew him.

"Yeah, but he left because he found out he wasn't very happy in the field he was working." He replied just as quietly.

That answer seemed to satisfy Pete and his attention went back to the guy up-font. The Flash raised his hand to ask a question.

"Have you ever met Tony Stark and did he ever have someone following him?"

Jack thought for a minute. "I've met him a hand-full of times. His company is quite large so I assume he's a very busy man. Have a meeting with someone somewhere at sometime. And yes his assistant, Pepper followed him around. As brilliant as he is I assume something slip his mind from time to time."

"No I mean some like my age."

"Your age? No, I don't think I have. Then again I didn't see much of him." Jack paused for a few moments. "Oh! I did hear talk of him taking a high school student as his new intern. I don't know his name though."

Then Flash's mom piped up. "Was there anything said about him?"

"Well a few of the guys I talked to said that other people said he followed Stark around and that he clearly idolize him and sounded like he had a lot of potential. He sounded cool, wish I could've met him." Jack added a little laugh after that.

Hearing the praise he was getting already made Peter cheeks go a little pink but hearing that his admiration for Tony was so bluntly obvious made his entire face be painted red, slinking downwards in his chair and suddenly wishing they'd skip this part of the trip. Shifting his eyes to his left he could see Tony smiling and to his right Stephen was smirking. Loki seemed to be listening now and decided to stick his nose in the business. Peter didn't bother to try and see what faces Flash and his mom were making.

°°°°

By 10pm the 3 of them were back at the hotel and in the pajamas. The class would be eating in the dinning hall so Peter settled for room service instead.

"You're not going downstairs to eat?" Stephen asked, eyes not leaving the book in his hand.

"If he is then I'm going with him." Tony called from the bathroom with his toothbrush and toothpaste in his mouth.

"No, I'd rather not risk embarrassment from Mr. Stark."

They heard Tony spit out his toothpaste and followed by him standing in the doorway. "Hey, I am cool!"

"And goofy." Stephen said.

That earned him a glare. Tony went to rinse his mouth out before going over to Stephen and just beating him with a pillow. That turned into the 2 grown men having a pillow fight. Peter just sat and watched as the continued to play-fight before stopping when they heard a knock at the door and someone saying room service. Tony answered it and Stephen took the tray. Their bed was a mess but they didn't seem to care. The 3 of them sat and ate and watched t.v. until Stephen and Tony fell asleep. Peter doesn't blame them. Their older then he is so they obviously tire out quickly. Peter laid down on his respected bed and fell asleep himself with the sound of the t.v. in the background. His first day of his vacation was nice, could've gone without being grabbed by Flash's mom but minus that it was great. He can't wait till tomorrow.

****

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Se you next Tuesday!

[shotfromguns]

Overall, I think Avengers: Endgame was... about as good as we were going to get, given who was involved in making the film and what had already been established (or had failed to be established) in previous films. It was for sure massively better than Age of Ultron and a noticeable improvement over Infinity War. But there were still plenty of flaws (including things they easily could have fixed) and a few things that outright frustrated the hell out of me. 

My thoughts on Endgame follow under the cut. There will obviously be spoilers. This is for @pantsvaporation, but anybody else is welcome to read/comment/etc. as well.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was a minimum of obvious “actors swinging at CG enemies that hadn’t even slightly been described to them.” And while there were definitely places the film could have been tightened up, I had been expecting the three hours to feel noticeably slack, whereas the plot never seemed to me to drag at all. In retrospect, maybe I should have been less surprised by that, given that it was directed by Russos, who were also responsible for CA:TWS, which remains the most perfectly paced action movie I’ve ever seen.

Given the length of the film, however, I am fucking furious that the only (and MCU first-ever) LGBT “representation” we got was one of the Russos as a nameless extra in Steve’s support group who was framed as a mlm through the pronouns of who he was on a date with. 181 fucking minutes, and you couldn’t find room for less than 60 seconds to show us Valkyrie with a girlfriend? Carole Danvers got that amazing (as my girlfriend often describes my current look) ‘90s dyke aesthetic after the time skip, but she couldn’t have a wife? And, of course, anybody and everybody else was given a Big Case of the Not Gays, including and especially the male characters people have enthusiastically been shipping with each other due to the historical nigh-complete dearth of women in the MCU films (Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky... and I will have more to say about Steve).

I did cry a few times, especially towards the end, which I honestly hadn’t expected to. But it all felt very... emotionally manipulative? For example, I didn’t cry at Tony dying, per se. I did cry at Pepper reacting to his death, his daughter, Happy, etc. It felt like they sort of realized that by this point Tony had become extremely unsympathetic and that they’d probably overly telegraphed that he was going to die, so they needed to make us sad about it by ensuring we were thinking about how other characters would feel about his death, versus how we ourselves felt about it.

And we sure did get a whoooooooooole lotta time to show the audience how sad everyone felt about Tony to ensure we did, too. But there was (a) very little for Natasha, who died in this film saving the universe even more tragically than Tony did, given that she didn’t even know her sacrifice would work to get the Soul Stone, let alone whether the rest of the plan would work even if she did; and (b) almost none for the characters who died in Infinity War and didn’t get a Comic Book Death resurrection through Bruce snapping or past!Nebula breaking literally the entire premise of the film (more on that in a bit). The Vision got a two-second reference, not even by name. Loki got just a flash of a cameo, with Thor not bringing him up once that I can recall, being completely focused on their mother even in a time when they were both still alive. Heimdall didn’t even get that much, nor was he even referenced; nor were any of the Wakandans who died so that Scarlet Witch didn’t have to lose her creepy robo-boyfriend (which, whoops, she did anyway). Regardless of how obnoxious some of these character and/or their fans may have been, they still very much should have mattered to the other characters, who should have been mourning them just as much as they were mourning Tony. And yeah, sure, anybody who didn’t get Thanos’d had had five years to mourn the ones who died in Infinity War, but (a) to anybody who’d just been brought back, they were still freshly dead, and (b) even the people who were around for those five years are probably dealing with that grief all over again, not least of which because they had the others who died then returned to them, and because not everybody (especially not Thor) had even properly gone through the whole grief process in the first place.

On the topic of Thor, boyyyyyyy howdy was it frustrating how thoroughly Endgame finished off the way that Infinity War had started cutting the entire legs of his Ragnarok character development out from under him. If it weren’t for the momentary appearance of a handful of characters from Ragnarok, the movie literally might as well not have happened: Thor no longer cares about being a leader for his people, he’s back to leaning on weapons instead of relying on himself, and he seems to have completely forgotten Loki after having finally reconciled with him. And making Thor fat as a joke was not only fatphobic and unfunny but really undercut the narrative’s ability to make the viewer take his trauma seriously, because of a continuously competing tension between “you’re supposed to laugh at how he looks” and “how he looks is supposed to make you sad” that was never really resolved. There was no “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it actually means, and you feel like an ass for having laughed.” It was clearly set up to be, “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it means, and you feel a little sad, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of more times when ‘Thor is fat now’ is a punchline.”

As for the film’s humor as a whole, while there were some genuinely funny moments that were well positioned in the narrative, the movie overall felt like it frequently ran into the same problem as Star Wars: The Last Jedi, where the writers were so desperate to have characters constantly quipping that they constantly undercut their own poignant moments.

Probably the biggest actual plot hole is, unsurprisingly, the time travel. They initially did an... okay job of justifying why the characters couldn’t just change the past (though it wasn’t until Bruce got to have his chat with Mx. Yellowface that it actually got in any way coherently explained). But after they did all that work of establishing that they couldn’t just change the past, for capital-R Reasons...

They did uhhhhhhh a whole fucking lot of changing the past. A few of these things could be at least fanwanked away. Maybe past!Steve forgets future!Steve telling him Bucky’s alive because he got knocked unconscious immediately afterwards. Maybe Tony’s chat with his dad had always happened. Maybe Steve had always spent decades with Peggy. But there is no way Sitwell et al. wouldn’t remember Steve pretending to be a member of Hydra, which would significantly alter the events of The Winter Soldier if they weren’t smart enough or lucky enough to verify that Steve wasn’t also a mole and therefore realize he was an “imposter” before one of those Hydra sleeper said something to past!Steve to make him suspicious. And Loki grabbing the loose Tesseract and poofing is a massive change in the timeline.

Their enemies did a whooooooole lot of changing the past when past!Nebula brought past!Thanos and The Gang through to the future, including effectively permanently restoring Gamora, i.e., someone who’d been “irreversibly” sacrificed to obtain the Soul Stone.

Once these things happened, there was literally nothing to explain why (a) the future!Avengers couldn’t at least bring back Heimdall, Loki, all those Wakandans, the Vision, Natasha, and Tony by pulling them from earlier points in the timestream, and (b) why the future!Avengers couldn’t just take their set of Infinity Stones to a point before all of this shit happened and prevent it from ever having happened. Which isn’t to say the writers couldn’t have cooked up some sort of internally consistent explanation, e.g., “this Gamora is basically stolen from the other timeline, which still exists on its own independent axis, and the Avengers wouldn’t kidnap their friends out of another timeline and leave that version of themselves without the person they want to restore just to have that person here.” But they didn’t bother, which presumably means no one involved in making the film even noticed the utter inconsistency.

Speaking of utter inconsistency... Steve. Steven fucking Rogers. Hooooooooboy. That ending was the biggest, stupidest, cheapest piece of schlock I’ve seen in a movie for a long fucking time. Let’s leave aside the fact that he chose to leave behind two perfectly good boyfriends and the fact that he barely said boo to Bucky, despite the film having reminded us how important Bucky was to him by having his name literally be the thing that so shocked past!Steve that future!Steve was able to beat him. You’re seriously telling me that Steve was still pining soooooooo badly for Peggy that he would literally risk the entire timeline so they could have their Hetero Happily Ever After? (Bucky, Sam, Tony, Angie: I’m so sorry, bbys.)

Yeah, sure, Peggy and Steve being parted was sad when it happened. But they’d been colleagues for a handful of years, then maybe sorta friends, and then kissed once, in a speeding car, just after they finally admitted they’d both been crushing on each other pretty hard the whole time because they were on the way to possibly both die. That is not “the love of your life” who you spend the rest of time sighing over. That’s, like, the guy I casually dated for a bit over a month in 2011 because, while we hit it off amazingly well, I didn’t want to get serious when he’d be moving in about a year once his postdoc was done, who sure enough moved to the east coast a year later and then abruptly died of a heart attack a few years after that. Is it tragic that he’s dead? Absolutely. Have I sometimes thought, “Gosh, I wonder what could have been”? Sure. Did I decide that I would never ever again date or even look at anyone else, because he was the only person for me in all of space and time? Lmaoooooo no. I am, in fact, deliriously happy with my current girlfriend, who I also happen to think is way better for me than he ever could have been.

It was already established that Peggy got married in the original timeline (in CA:TWS, Steve watches some footage in which she mentions that during the war he’d saved the man she eventually married). This means that either (a) Steve supplanted her original husband, which is pretty gross, especially if he didn’t tell Peggy “oh hey btw you originally married this other guy, wanna go check him out first,” or (b) Steve was Peggy’s husband all along, and she just obfuscated that. Either way, in the timeline we end up with, somehow for 50+ years this incredibly well-known woman and sometime Director of SHIELD was married to a man she kept absolutely secret and hidden, which somehow no one ever discovered the secret of or even ever commented on, apparently. It also means that, when Steve showed up on her doorstep, both of them agreed that (a) it was more important for them to play house than for Steve to ever openly use his abilities again and (b) Steve would sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs through every major crisis he knows is coming over the next half-century. If the MCU serum slowed Steve’s aging the way the comic serum did, this might be slightly understandable, because they could justify it as, “Well, Steve will go back to adventuring after he closes the loop with his original timeline, and this will basically be an extended vacation.” But Steve did age (and they presumably had no expectation that he would not), meaning that he wasted decades of active time at most acting secretly and anonymously from the shadows. You really think that these two incredibly dedicated and driven heroes would both agree to that? Sure, I could absolutely believe they’d take the opportunity to finally get that dance. But there’s no way that Peggy wouldn’t have booted Steve’s ass out of bed and back to the 21st century, and it’s highly unlikely Steve himself would have so much as seriously considered staying for more than a more leisurely farewell and proper closure.

Steve’s Hetero Happily Ever After also further complicates the issue of that time travel plot hole I mentioned. If the stones were plucked from one or more divergent timelines (or changes made while grabbing the stones then caused the creation of divergent timelines at those points)... how did aging!Steve end up staying in the same timeline as the rest of the future!Avengers? It seems like it should be impossible for all these things to be simultaneously true, which means either I’m missing something huge or at least one of them is a huge fuck-up in terms of the plot’s internal consistency. EITHER the changes to the past happened in (or spawned) one or more divergent timelines, which is why, e.g., Gamora could be brought forward from her past and now be alive in the future without altering the past that led to her being brought forward in the first place, in which case aging!Steve would have spent his life in an alternate timeline and old!Steve wouldn’t have been able to come visit all his buds on the day young!future!Steve left to return the stones; OR everything took place in a single, unified, undivergent timeline, which would mean Steve could drop into the past and take the long way back to the exact point in spacetime he left, but the changes to the past would have altered the past events, meaning that because Thanos and The Gang skipped forward and Loki is at large with the Tesseract, the events of Thor: The Dark World, Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, etc. never happened, and we’re also back to having no reason why other dead people couldn’t be pulled forward from their past timeline, why Thanos couldn’t be stopped by time-traveling the stones to before he retrieved them and using them to stop him, etc.

Various other issues:

The “monstrous” single woman who can’t get pregnant sacrificing herself so that the virile man will have his wife and children restored to him is... not a good look. Also, it’s weird how “we don’t trade lives” when it’s about a robot coded as a white man sacrificing himself to save half the universe (though apparently even at the time a whole bunch of Wakandans was fine, whoops, remember all the Black people who died trying to stop Thanos from getting to the Vision, weird how those lives were okay to trade), but when it’s about Natasha or Clint throwing themself off a cliff, immediately they’re both all, “Yeah, it’s gotta be done for the greater good.”

Thor getting to be the one to axe Thanos’s head off instead of, you know, like, oh, I don’t know, Nebula? The woman he abused and tortured pretty much her entire life? Bad. Inappropriate. Disappointing.

Everybody kept talking about how the characters who got Thanos’d in Infinity War were their “family.” For Rocket, I believe it; one thing the GotG films actually did well was to establish that level of relationship for those characters. But the Avengers? Lmaoooooo. The MCU Avengers were not a fucking family. The MCU Avengers spent every single movie at each other’s throats. If you wanted us to believe they were even friends, you should have given us at least one film of them seriously working as a team instead of against each other.

Holy shit, do I not care about Clint Barton’s Manpain(tm). Also, if you want us to see how far he’s “fallen,” maybe do something other than giving him the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen (including one done backstage after a show and one a friend gave me in my bathroom in college) and a boring tattoo and having him badly pick up an ugly katana-esque sword to kill objectively bad guys.

Bringing Scott back was easy enough that a rat walking across a panel after five years of that shit sitting in a storage facility could do it, and yet no one else tried even once? Somebody saw all that shit set up, and went, “Welp, guess they’re all just dead,” instead of, “Hey maybe this running equipment indicates an experiment in progress that we should maybe investigate”?

The “let’s line up all the named women” shot in the final battle was the most patronizing display of pandering I’ve seen in the entire franchise. Not only did it make no sense for them all to be in the same place at the same time with no men even in the shot, but... they were utterly ineffectual? It was like, “Gosh, how will Carole ever make it through that??? Oh, she’s got US, GIRL-FRIENDS, DID WE MENTION WE’RE ALL LADIES, BUT NOT QUEER OR ANYTHING.” And then... Carole immediately blew straight past them, because her power level is so off the charts compared to almost every other named woman in the MCU, many of whom are simply very, very skilled peak human heroes versus being superhuman.

Speaking of superhuman abilities: Why wasn’t every time-travel suit an Iron Man-style suit like Rhodey’s? Obviously he needed an exoskeleton bit to walk, but since Tony took the time to build him a beefed-up full suit, why didn’t he do the same for everyone else?

Along that same line of stupid decisions made around the Vitally Important, We Only Get One Shot At Fixing This time-travel mission, why didn’t they wait until everyone was in better shape? Thor was clearly still an emotional wreck, and if Rocket hadn’t been on the ball, it would have cost them one of the stones. As soon as you’re traveling back in time to fix something, unless there’s a hard limit on how far you can go back (which there wasn’t), you literally have the rest of your lives to get ready for it, so can and should take as much time as you need to prep (and even over-prep) for that mission. A little more lead time also would have given someone the opportunity to go, “Hey, wait, why don’t we first make a quick stop to just grab more Pym Particles, so we have more flexibility with destinations and do-overs?” Or even, “Why don’t we make these suits modular? That way, they can join into a single unit for each team on the way there, thereby saving a bunch of charges, but also split off into individual suits with everyone having enough juice to get home individually just in case someone gets split off. That will leave us with a bunch of extra Pym Particles in case something goes wrong.”

Other than meta reasons like “we want there to be a big epic fight,” why was it such a struggle to fight Thanos? The Avengers very nearly beat him in Infinity War, when he had five of the six Infinity Stones. Here, he had none, and they still barely squeaked out the victory by the skin of their teeth.

Thanos’s rapid switch from “I’m gonna kill half of all living creatures to uhhh save the universe somehow” to “I guess I’ll just wipe out everything and make an entirely new universe” once again highlighted how deeply stupid his original plan was. If he has the capacity to re-create the entire universe, why doesn’t he just... make more resources, if that’s such a fucking problem? I mean, also, spoiler alert for the real world: It’s not. It’s always been an issue of distribution, not amount. People aren’t starving to death because there’s no food; people are starving to death because of capitalism. So unless you target your population elimination at capitalists exclusively, killing off a bunch of people is going to maintain exactly the same problems of unequal resource exploitation and distribution.

Speaking of which: Why is post-Thanos Earth presented as a mellow semi-paradise (except for everybody being sad about all the dead people)? The loss of half the world’s population would have been catastrophic, cascading into many more deaths. Nor would it have solved inequality... or even resource “over”-utilization. Earth hit a population of 3.85 billion (i.e., half the current ~7.7 billion) around 1972, which many people currently alive have personal memories of not actually being particularly idyllic. This also highlights once again how deeply stupid and nonsensical Thanos’s original plan was, given that his “solution” could easily become obsolete in another 50 years... or even sooner, given that Thanos also cut all non-human creature populations in half, which would have not only reduced related resources available for human consumption but devastated ecosystems worldwide.

There has been a huge official campaign to persuade audiences to not spoil the movie for others. As a general principle, I’m a fan of encouraging anti-spoiler culture, but I think it says a lot about this movie in specific that the studio has put in so much effort to try to stamp out spoilers: i.e., they’re worried that the only real draw it has is people finding out assorted plot points. If your film can be easily replaced by a bulleted list of who’s alive or dead at the end of it, it’s... not actually a good film.

ADDENDUM MAY 5, 2019:

Okay, so, per the Russos, the reason Steve's Hetero Happily Ever After DOESN'T break the entire rest of the film is that it happened in an alternate timeline, and he just jumped back to the MCU prime timeline later... somehow. I still think that's shitty, lazy filmmaking, because in three hours they absolutely should have, you know, made that more clear (or... at all indicated that's how it played out). But at least it keeps their time travel mechanics from completely breaking their own plot.

But that means that in THAT timeline there were two Steves. Which means the BEST-CASE SCENARIO is prime!Steve hooked up with that timeline's Peggy after being 100% honest about who he was, alt!Peggy... chose a different version of Steve over her own Steve, for... reasons?, and then together they found and revived alt!Steve, at which point prime!Steve was like, "lol sorry bro, she's my wife 'cause I missed my chance with prime!Peggy, but at least now you're not frozen for any longer than you already have been."

Other options include:

Prime!Steve pretended to be alt!Steve while leaving him in the ice, counting on him not getting rescued until alt!Peggy would be nearly dead.

Prime!Steve helped rescue alt!Steve, then left alt!Peggy and alt!Steve to have their personal Hetero Happily Ever After while he... married some other random person?

Prime!Steve straight-up murdered alt!Steve to take his place.

Prime!Steve and alt!Peggy rescued alt!Steve, and she married both of them. (Somehow I don't see Disney going for that option.)

ADDENDUM MAY 12, 2019

I just read another interview, this one with the writers. Buckle up, because there’s even more embarrassing shit.

McFeely: I mean, we did all of this before Ragnarok.

Markus: Yeah, initially we were writing drafts prior to Taika coming onboard. And it was once they got underway and they were off in Australia making the movie and it was clear that they were discovering new facets to Thor, Chris Hemsworth wanted to make sure that this new loosened-up Thor didn't vanish immediately upon returning to the Avengers world. And so he and Taika flew to Atlanta and we had long meetings with them and watched some footage and got a sense of the new Thor tone, and it worked perfectly with where we wanted to go.

... ... ... ... Literally WHAT FUCKING PART of Infinity War and Endgame matches AT ALL with Thor's character development from Ragnarok? I was all ready to go, "Oh, okay, that makes sense" at the reveal that this was written before Ragnarok. But then, nope, they admit that they just have no fucking idea what they're doing and think they actually integrated its changes WELL. JFC.

McFeely: So where we hit upon it was in order to become their best selves, Steve had to find a life, and Tony had to lose his.

Boring idea and poorly executed to boot. (Not to mention the extreme cringiness of “finding a life” necessarily requires “marrying a woman and having babies in the suburbs.”) How are they getting paid money for writing this trite?

Fandango: So people are asking... Does this mean an old Captain America was hanging out this whole time while another Captain America was saving the day?

Markus: That is our theory. We are not experts on time travel, but the Ancient One specifically states that when you take an Infinity Stone out of a timeline it creates a new timeline. So Steve going back and just being there would not create a new timeline. So I reject the "Steve is in an alternate reality" theory. I do believe that there is simply a period in world history from about '48 to now where there are two Steve Rogers. And anyway, for a large chunk of that one of them is frozen in ice. So it's not like they'd be running into each other.

HAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay so NOT ONLY do the director and writers have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDEAS about what the fuck happened at the end (did they... not discuss this with each other? at all?), but the WRITERS' version is the one that is THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER. HOLY SHIT.

McFeely: So we've always thought that the most perfect conclusion to [Natasha's] arc would be to die for her new family, or to sacrifice greatly for her new family.

GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

McFeely: We toyed with not doing that, and we had another version, and several women on the crew said, "Don't you dare take that choice away from her. The heroic thing is for Natasha to do it, not for Hawkeye to do it."

these are definitely real women who actually exist

Fandango: Do you think there's a world where we see the adventures of Captain and Peggy either on the big or small screen?

Christopher Markus: Possibly. I think maybe all I did was Steve was a stay-at-home dad and Peggy went to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't know that there were any adventures.

lmaoooooooooo

Imagine being this bad at knowing your own characters. Imagine thinking either Peggy OR Steve would just give up their life to play house when there's important work they could be doing.

[wintersxsoul]

Matching scars (11)

Summary:  “How could someone like you, love someone like me? It makes no fucking sense.“

Pairings: Loki x Reader // Steve Rogers x OFC

Warnings: Nightmares, descriptions of physical abuse, swearing, angst, eventual smut, depression, intrussive thoughts, self-harming, etc.

A/N: Angst?? angst.

Series masterlist

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

“I’m a mess, a huge fucking mess, and I seriously don’t think I know why I act how I act with you.” You sighed. “I am just scared of everything.” You felt hot tears rolling down your cheeks. You were tired of holding back everything, tired of not feeling valid and tired of the overwhelming sensation of everything good turning into ashes.

“It’s not an answer. It’s just another excuse to walk away. But I am not letting you walk away.” Loki was furious at you, you knew him too well to know what he was trying to do. He wanted you to open up. “You can’t tell someone you think about them while you are with another person and then pushing them away when you’re too scared of a kiss.” That stung your heart deeper than any knife could, but he was right. “All I’m asking is for you to be sincere with yourself, y/n.”

“You want me to be sincere? Then I’ll be.” You snapped. You stood up, so you could face him. “I am terrified of what I’m feeling because you already have the power to hurt me. I am not enough even for myself, how could I trust someone not to abandon me?” You’ve been your whole life in a mental loop, blaming your parents, but you were the only one to blame. You were the only one to blame because you were never enough, not for them, not for yourself, for anyone. You started sobbing louder, your body shaking. You brought your hands to your face, trying to cover it. Loki grabbed your hands carefully and pushed them off your face.

“You are really blind, if you can’t see that the only one who is potentially going to be hurt is me.” He looked at you, tears threatening to come out. “You think I would disappear five days without telling you anything? You rejected me, and the pain was unbearable, but I had to come back, to you.” You blinked, his words felt like a punch in your gut.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Loki?” Was he serious? Him hurt because of you? No sense at all.

“Well, love, that means I am in love with you.” Loki looked at you with sadness, regretting his own words, afraid of more rejection. But of course you had the most ugly reaction a person could have in these situations. You snorted and then started laughing but with sad tears in your eyes. Loki’s eyebrows snapped together and he gritted his teeth.

“You really want me to believe that?” He scowled and you swallowed trying to untangle the lump forming in your throat. How could he love you? How? “Loki, how could someone like you, love someone like me? It makes no fucking sense." You looked away, trying to hide the fear in your expression. Loki closed the space left between you, standing now mere inches away from each other.

He wanted to show you how wrong you were, how special you were for him. You were his dream since Frigga spoke the first time about you, all those years ago. Loki visited the library everyday, disguised of course, just to speak to you. Your smile always warmed his coldest days and he adored how you spoke about your favorite books for hours, fascinated with your passion for poetry and mythology. No one knew about his visits, he was always a different person, afraid of showing himself and scaring you away. When he found out you were staying at the compound because you were ill, he freaked out and convinced Thor (making him think it was his own idea) to let Loki visit you. He still remembers your face when you saw him entering the room, fear and anger written all over your features, so he decided it was better for you to stay away from him. This is the pathetic mortal mother thought about before she died? Those words still haunt Loki, because they weren’t true. No one knows that same night, he went to visit you but casting an illusion so no one could see him.

Loki ran his thumb up the side of your neck, making you shiver even though you were still wearing your turtleneck, grabbing your chin gently and lifting it, forcing you to look at him, his expression was relaxed and his eyes were studying yours. What was he thinking about?

“You are so wrong thinking you don’t deserve someone to love you. You deserve the universe, and I am willing to give it to you.” You closed your eyes in defeat, and took a deep breath. When you opened them, Loki cupped your face and leaned in, so you just followed his actions, tired of fighting yourself. His lips were soft against yours, the feeling was intoxicating you. You opened your mouth so your tongues could intertwine, dancing with each other. He tasted like fucking mint, fresh and sweet. You embraced his neck, pulling down so he was closer to you and ran your hands through his raven locks. He moaned in your mouth, making your legs weak, and started caressing every edge of your body.

You started moving forward, your lips only parting to breathe and once his calves hit the edge of the bed, you pushed him. He was panting, his chest rising and falling heavily but his lustful eyes never left yours. He leaned back onto his elbows, watching you move painfully slow, crawling on the bed and straddling him. You gasped at the feeling of his arousal brushing your thigh, making you wetter. You leaned and kissed him slow and deep, your hair cascading on his face, he grabbed it and pulled, making you moan and trying to press your legs together, looking for some friction. He smirked mischievously and ran his palms through your naked belly and under your top, stopping at the edge of the bralette. You shivered under his touch.

You broke the kiss, pressing your foreheads together, both of you smiling like dorks and trying to catch some air. You’ve never felt so dizzy after only a kiss, and at that moment you knew your crush on him was something deeper. His pupils were blown and he was all flustered, just as much as you were. He looked beautiful, his dark hair was disheveled, his factions were relaxed and the green of his eyes was sparkling. He looked like the god he was. You pressed your lips with his once more, before moving down to his neck, kissing and biting. This is really happening. You are really going to do this with Loki. OH MY GOD. Loki grabbed the hem of your top and slowly began to lift it, but his action was cut off by someone storming in the room. You hopped off the bed as fast as you could and turned to face the intruder. Someone is dying today. Anne’s face was the true expression of agony and fear. She was startled, her jaw went slack and her eyebrows rose. You sent her a glare and she shook her head, looking at her phone.

“I’m..I-I saw the phone calls...” She cleared her throat nervously, trying to explain herself. “I thought something bad happened.” Anne looked at her feet, embarrassed. You turned around to see Loki, and the only thing you could see was green light fading. He left.

“Anne Marie, I swear to the gods, you’re not dead because I love you way too much.” She looked at you fucking grinning. You sighed and sat on the bed, patting next to you so she sat too.

“Okay, I’m so sorry for cockblocking you, but omg I need all the damn details!.”

Tag list is OPEN.

@trashpandabarnes @sideeffectsofyou @madamefresa @lilypalmer1987 @gravedollie666 @sarahivi @gummiwormsandonedirection @deamstellarus  @zeilenkrieg

[iamanartichoke]

Imagining domestic Loki and Thor just living a normal life on Earth except they occasionally go off and fight villains or whatever is just one of my favorite things to do. It’s like, regular, every day life is so routine and normal and boring, and even royalty from our own planet are pretty far removed from the day-to-day, so like ... Viking space alien princes? Get me some popcorn because I’d watch the Thor and Loki Show all day, every day. 

I mean, like, imagine they kept fighting over whose turn it was to load and unload the dishwasher and Thor is ready to strangle Loki because when Loki finally gets around to doing it, he puts all the glasses in there right-side up, so that when Thor goes to empty it, they’re full of gray, soapy dishwater. And Thor just, “Goddamn it, Loki, I know you’re just pretending you don’t know how to do this so I won’t keep making you do it,” and Loki is like, “I’m offended that you would think I’d stoop so low, but since you mention it, shouldn’t we have a servant to do these things?” And Thor has to explain, again, that on Asgard they were wealthy princes but on Midgard they gotta cut coupons and do their own dishes because - I mean, where do they get their money, really? They don’t get paid to be Avengers (and in my domestic Thor and Loki universe, Loki is also an Avenger because reasons). 

Anyway, it stands to reason that the money comes from somewhere, so maybe they have to suck it up and get day jobs. Thor becomes a construction worker, because of course he does. He can lift two ton rocks and bricks all day long without even breaking a sweat, or whatever it is that construction workers build with. Which is the downside of the job - Midgardian tools are so ridiculous and tiny, Thor keeps breaking them. He’ll be earnestly using a drill only to press too hard and the entire thing just explodes and screws are flying every which way while the other guys are scrambling to not get hit and Thor is like, “Shit! Sorry! My fault! Won’t happen again!” 

“You fucking said that two fucking days ago when it was the nail gun, Thor,” one of the guys says. 

“Yeah, and what about that ladder you broke last week? Still waiting to be reimbursed for that,” someone else chimes in. 

Thor is offended, like, “It’s not my fault your tools are so flimsy, I’m just trying to do my job, here, give me a break,” and I imagine that most of the other guys are kind of wary of/jealous of Thor so they don’t like him but Thor has made friends with the quiet guy on the job named Jimmy, who shows up on time and doesn’t join in with the Guy Talk and always eats a baloney sandwich for lunch and just wants to do his job and go home so he can provide for his partner and their baby. 

So Jimmy speaks up and says, “Cut the guy some slack. Didn’t he just catch that falling beam this morning that would have smashed your thick skull, Todd?” And Todd just grumbles and eventually everyone gets back to work and Thor shoots Jimmy a grateful look. Jimmy just smiles, nods, and gets back to his hammering. They’re total work bros. They get each other. Thor starts joining Jimmy on his lunch break, eating baloney sandwiches, but Jimmy only has one and Thor has, like, six. Jimmy jokes that Thor’s entire paycheck goes toward baloney and bread, which is probably not too far from the truth. And of course they never hang out outside of work because it breaks the work bro code. 

Meanwhile. Loki gets some kind of office job where he has his own cubicle that he casts a spell around every day so that nobody else can come in or pop their heads over the side to say good morning or show him pictures of their dogs. Loki in the workplace is an interesting thing because you’d think he’d be a little mischievous shit who’d get fired for something stupid like always purposefully cc’ing the whole company on emails and constantly taking three-hour lunch breaks. 

But Loki actually takes his job seriously because he likes being unpredictable and he likes that it makes everyone nervous when he just shows up, works, and minds his own business. Clearly he must be plotting something nefarious. Which, of course, he is, because he is Loki, but in this instance it’s just harmless pranks for his own amusement. 

The tricks are so gradual and subtle that they almost go unnoticed. Magically emptying the water cooler precisely when three gossipy coworkers head over for their usual 9:07am chat, so that they have to wait for the maintenance guy to bring up a new bottle - which, once he gets there, Loki has magically refilled the cooler and the gossip crew all question whether or not they’re too stressed lately. Rewiring the copier so that it only responds to voice commands, but it misunderstands them, so every once in awhile someone will shout, “No, FIFTEEN COPIES, NOT FIFTY,” or “DOUBLE-SIDED, DAMN IT!” And other such mundanities. Replacing all of the sugar in the break room with a magical powder that effects humans not unlike alcohol, so things got a little weird and rowdy one otherwise boring Thursday afternoon. 

Eventually, Loki will get bored with both the work and the harmless pranks, and he’ll quit and go try to figure out how to rebuild the BiFrost, and Thor, I’m sure, will finally go too far one day and accidentally breaks the super expensive plasma cutter. Tony decides to hire Thor as a “consultant,” doing whatever, and Thor and Jimmy get together for lunch once or twice a month (the work bro code is null and void when one of the bros no longer works there). 

But in the meantime, until that day comes, Thor and Loki will just do their thing, being really proud of themselves for fitting in on Midgard and making honest livings, and sometimes at night when they come home, Loki opens the refrigerator and says, “Why do we have so much fucking baloney?” and Thor proudly tapes up a color-coded chore chart that they have to follow, no exceptions. 

But Loki still puts the glasses right-side up in the dishwasher. 

[mythlokisuggestion-blog]

What do you think of Tom Hiddleston and mcu!Loki?

I’m technically not allowed to watch any marvel movies according to one main-clause (followed by a very vulgar relative clause) in Idris Elba’s restraining order against me so obviously I watched them and while I obviously missed some of the major plot-details because Idris Elba wouldn’t let my eyes go I will say this:

Tom Hiddleston is clearly a great actor with a really great range and the entire journey of him losing his eyebrow-pencil but finding that Jeff Goldblum loves him nevertheless is very dramatic and gripping, but even for someone whose spectrum does indeed cover the range his does, it’s still visibly difficult for him to keep up with the inconsistencies of the movies and this is something that really affects the character of Loki strongly. Personally, I’d go so far as to say that there are only two movies out of the five that give Loki actually inherent development (as in: force them to make a decision of their own instead of just being thrown at the plot like a forgotten towel into the wind) and those are Thor I and Thor: Ragnarok. Obviously, I can see you argue that Thor: Dark World is about Loki re-joining forces with Thor to avenge their mother, but that’s just man-pain. Loki never makes their own decision to work with Thor but there is no doubt that even at their deepest, darkest moments they would have gone after the murderer of their mother. That’s not development. It’s just putting the character in a position where there’s only one obvious solution anyway. Character development puts a character in a position where we don’t know how they’d act and we either see them make a decision and learn it was the wrong one or we see previous character development come to fruition with them choosing something one wouldn’t have initially expected like I did when I first heard about Dirty Chai which immediately meant I wanted to drink Dirty Chai except I noticed I don’t like it so now when people offer to offer me “A Beverage Mixed Out Of Two Beverages That Clearly Shouldn’t Be Mixed?” I say no which is not what I would have said three hours ago. That’s growth. Asking me if I’d murder a giant who wants to eat children on the other hand. I would always have given the same answer at any point in my life.

The other protest you’ll make is Infinity War. But that has no development either, it’s just a solution to the development we’ve seen in Ragnarok and I almost feel like the script was written before Waititi had written his or maybe they hadn’t bothered to read it or maybe they simply didn’t care or they weren’t sure their audience would have seen that and just wanted to make sure that we’re all caught up and I found it really cringy for some reason? I dunno, I feel it could have been handled more delicately than just ticking off every aspect of Loki’s struggle that a series of inconsistent movies had thrown at them. Especially, and I know it’s an unpopular opinion, the whole: “We have a Hulk line.” Like. That’s the last relationship I cared about.

Things that would have interested me:

Loki and Thor talking about Jötunheim

Valkyrie and Loki fixing things up after their intrusion of her mind in Ragnarök

Bruce and Loki talking about the invasion of Earth and maybe resolving what had happened between them and Thanos to make them do that.

Loki reconciling their love for fruit-y cocktails with the overreliance on artificial sweetener on the Grandmaster’s ship

Maybe it’s especially the ‘of Jötunheim’ line that bothered me. Obviously, me being of Jötunheim the first Thor movie wasn’t a mere warning about the consequences of climate change (you thought Day After Tomorrow scared you lol?) but as you know there’s a not-so-ancient law of your people to abandon the children you do not wish to keep. (usually children with disabilities) and this actually ancient Loki has an actual ancient law that says Finder’s Keepers and Finder’s Raisers and Finder’s Cherishers of Babies Forever so obviously the whole storyline about Loki being abandoned by their parents did resonate with me deeply and that’s why it bothered me that it was the most poorly handed in the five movies. It’s not that I mind that I see the subject addressed although I wished they had gone out of their way to show that this was an actual practice of the ancient Norse cultures (and many others) instead of just making it a plot-point because I feel like it would have given their movie more relevance, considering that there were actual terms and practices surrounding it. Also, with Odin being a very unreliable narrator, it would have given the viewers a better context for what is true and what isn’t because many aspects of the adoption remain really obscure. It’s never really dealt with. I mean, the first movie explicitly makes the adoption the stepping stone of Loki’s story-arc with Odin handling multi-racial adoption so poorly that they grow up groomed to detest their own race to the point where even for little children the idea of genocide is acceptable and glorified. And obviously, the first movie ends with them throwing themself to their death off the Bifröst so in a storyline encompassing five movies that would make a good cliffhanger or maybe bridge-over-black-hole-hanger in which the next logical step of the narrative would be the confrontation with Thor about Loki being of the race they’ve been raised to detest.

And that’s where we get to the inconsistencies of the movies and how the affect Loki’s characterisation so much. We never see Thor actually learn about this. We take his word – nay, Loki’s assumption for it that Odin, a proven unreliable narrator, has told Thor. We don’t know how that went, we don’t know how Thor coped with that knowledge, whether he questioned his own behaviour, how it affected his view of their sibling etc.  We don’t even know for sure Frigga knows where Loki is from and who their parent is – in fact, her relationship to that secret is one of the poorest handled plot-points in the entire series but you didn’t ask about that so back on topic. I will later say something on the subject of between movies vs. in movies but what matters is: We never have that confrontation. We never see Loki deal with their Jötun form in the Avengers and you’re like: ok cut them some slack, they had to force a lot of plot between Tony Stark’s one-liners so actual characterisation of one of the like four interesting villains that give the MCU such a giant head start over the DCU (two of which they don’t even really own). And you say to yourself: Ok they’re going to pick it up in the Dark World. And I’m not going to go into the misogynist implications of killing Frigga, but just say we get a lot of narrative nonsense that is a) Fridging her to further Loki’s man-pain and b) leaving the main-motivator of Loki’s as a villain (the struggle with their adoption) at that dungeon shouting match, unresolved. It absolutely robs avenging Frigga as Loki’s supposed main-motivation for redemption of any and all meaning or at least makes it so obscure that we can’t tell its exact meaning. Especially because their sacrifice (and I will not get into the annoying idea that a villain must die to be redeemed bc I’m a villain and find it offensive) was also spontaneously changed long after the filming had actually ended.

And there again, next inconsistency. We don’t know whether they faked their death on purpose (and if they did how long they had been planning it and whether it was all a big escape-and-take-over-Asgard-attempt) or whether they thought they were dying which means that their sacrifice was meaningful after all but it’s once again not resolved. And I mean, I’d prefer to think it was, but still. Remember when I said I was going to get back to the idea of between the movies vs. in the movies? I get back to that now because I’m not a Marvel writer: The most interesting things happen to Loki between movies and not in them. I’m bolding this because I’m a bold person but it’s also the main-issue I have with the Thor-movies despite me generally standing on the side that they’re actually among the better Marvel movies, no matter what edgy Youtubers say on the subject, but just fall flat on the perceived intended audience (male fanboys who feel they could do and say anything if only they had the power to force people to put up with it which is technically true without consequences which is not true) because Thor’s main-character arc is about him overcoming the issues and character-traits as flaws that make many other MCU-characters so ‘cool’ and ‘funny’.

We get the same with Loki dealing with their heritage-issues. At the beginning of Ragnarök they’ve magically resolved them. Or have they? Or are they just weaponizing Odin ‘outing’ them at their fucking trial (which was also filmed after the movie was made) I mean, in a way I like that Taika Waititi focussed Thor’s and Loki’s reconciliation on them overcoming their main-problem of all movies – trust – and not the initial problem that had set them apart - Loki’s jealousy when they realised that they never had a place in their own world - that had been abandoned for so long now. Especially considering that what sparked even the revelation of Loki’s true heritage was their distrust for Thor whom they didn’t trust to be a good king – and were justified. All that is, for once, resolved with Thor becoming a good king and Loki trusting them.

So personally. If you had just ended their storyline there it would have been fine. Maybe give us the damn hug and some talk about the Jötun issue and leave it at that. But then Infinity War rolled around and I’m not going to get into the can of political worms that is killing of half a ship of refugees in the current social climate because it was a movie about killing off people at random for others to survive and that’s an entire swimming pool of worms that the can is just swimming in slowly drifting into the distance, but it was just. Frigga’s death x10. We didn’t need it, it addressed a new thing about Loki’s storyline that will never be developed – their relationship with Thanos and the actual factors motivated by it – and as always left it unresolved. Thor, being the supposed centrum of these movies – will never know about it, most likely. I mean, we’ll apparently get some flashback and time-travel in Avengers 4 but I don’t have high hopes that something will be resolved then and I hope we at least get a good moping scene from Thor. It’s almost ironically that while Thor doesn’t know about the exact background of Loki working with Thanos and just maybe knows we-don’t-know-how-much about his sibling’s actual heritage, he seems to know exactly how dead they are. Because these movies are so inconsistent that he got to straight-up tell the audience that Loki is dead when it makes no sense because obviously choking on a grape kills them and not being stabbed through the heart. Which brings me to the next topic:

Their powers. Me being an avid magic-user who can do everything but turn into birds I’m very interested in that. Of course, we’ve got this big difference between comics-Loki and movies-Loki with MCU-Loki being significantly weaker and significantly more knife-focussed. And that’s fine. But their powers are also so fucking inconsistent. As a baby they can pull off a full-conversion into an Aesir but as a grown-up they can’t even make a solid copy of themselves? Sometimes illusions dissolve at mere contact but when they cover themself with it they can hold for four years are you telling me that no one ever brushed against them for four years? What about their clothes are they solid? Also, Loki when he’s visiting Thor when he’s under arrest by SHIELD seems to shift between visible and invisible and solid and not-solid which is something that would have come in handy at various other places in the movies but wasn’t used. We know that Loki can turn themself and others into animals but again we only hear that talked about but never actually see it employed when it would be useful. Also being Jötun can they employ ice-magic because that shit looks useful or only with the Casket and why didn’t they take the Casket is it because they resolved the issue and don’t want to revisit it or because the wound is still open or any of the other thousands of things you didn’t resolve??? The aspect about this handwave-y magic stuff isn’t so much that it bothers me, particularly because we know that Frigga, the most relevant relationship they have aside from Thor, is the one who taught them magic so it’s not like there isn’t an interesting basis for this subject to build upon.

I mean this all sounds like a lot of complaining but it’s also because I really liked the character that I can actually be bothered to get upset about these things. And the thing is, sometimes I feel like the things that annoy me are the things the writers do on purpose and the aspects I like are purely circumstantial. Like that scene about them standing on a street yelling stuff about submission all-dressed in leather in a reputed to be rather homophobic part of a country? Iconic stuff. The fact that they wear as many layers at all times and cover up as much as they can? Obviously a common villain trope and a common decision but for a character feeling so at odds with their own body (a storyline you couldn’t be bothered with for four movies in case you remember MCU) just fuel for headcanons. That fancy leather get-up clearly hand-crafted with golden pieces added paired…with THAT wig? Iconic. Tbh reason for concern too. Like I see that Loki like 3 times a day when they go to that Lush right beside my favourite spot for arguing with pigeons and my hair still looks better than theirs even with the pigeons nesting in it. I’m not 90% sure that the whole sweaty Christmas Tree look Loki had in Avengers was all to make them seem more villainous or at least to be attributed to how ‘manic’ and ‘insane’ they are but actually gave people material to be super-detailed in their ideas about how they were tortured by Thanos which would actually be interesting. There are also a lot of characters that it would be interesting to see Loki interact with that they don’t ever share a scene with in the Bravest Crossover Event Of All Times.

That’s not to say that I don’t like their interpretation, I do, but I just feel like if they had focussed on fewer subjects and stuck with them through the movies instead of throwing new pain at them (and at Thor) with every installation the whole thing would have been more interesting and satisfying in the end. This way they just forced the fans to figure out stuff for themselves. I notice that I only spoke of Tom Hiddleston as an actor and not as a person and I want to assure you his restraining order is very effective too.

[imagine-loki]

Everyone's Problem

TITLE: Everyone’s Problem CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: One-shot AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump ORIGINAL IMAGINE: After the Chitauri attack on New York, imagine Loki being sentenced to public service on Earth, specifically in aiding people who got hurt during the attack. His magic has been limited to only be enough to aid keeping Odin’s spell in place so he wouldn’t turn blue. His task is to help people with special needs, to do house chores, help them get around, do their grocery and keep them company while they recover. He is assigned to a girl who ended up blind after one of the Chitauri shot at her. + Imagine HYDRA has been quietly watching Loki living a quiet life on Earth. They decide it’s finally time to bring him into the fold. It doesn’t exactly work out the way they intended. RATING: T

NOTES/WARNING: Hi, y'all! I haven’t written in a fair while, so I did a quick little one-shot with Charlie to get myself back into shape. It’s probably rough, but cut me some slack! If you’re interested in reading other Charlie stories (there’s a bunch!), you can find them on my masterlist here. Language, mentions of violence, attacks and blood, one v angry human, and typos probably.

XX

“Loki, it’s a stomach ache. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.” Charlie remarked for the fiftieth time that morning as she gently shoved the darling Asgardian she called a boyfriend away from her.

Loki huffed for about the same number time. “According to your interweb healers, it could be an autoimmune disorder, an ulcer or gastric cancer! Forgive me if I’m a little worried about–”

“WebMD is not a qualified physician, Loki Odinson! Settle. The fuck. Down!”

Though her tone was no-nonsense, a smile was tugging at the left corner of her plump lips, evidence that she was not nearly as cross as she portrayed herself to be. When she brushed past him, Loki circled his arms around her waist and tugged her into his body, peppering her face with kisses as she made noises of weak protest. Despite his best advances (and really, he was doing his best work here) her laughter began to trickle down and out of existence.

“Loki, stop,” she said firmly, though he was only half listening.

“Stop!” The Prince froze, holding her loosely in his arms. Her tone wasn’t exactly what had caused her to stop his affectionate attack, though. It was the fact that her whole frame had stilled, and her eyes danced from spot to spot as she concentrated on something. “Can you hear that?”

Loki tilted his head and focused. It took a moment, as out of practice in paranoia as he was, but eventually he heard the very distinct pounding of military-grade rubber on linoleum. “Boots.” Quietly, he righted himself, taking silent, measured steps around the furniture, leading Charlie along with him. “Come on. Bedroom. Quickly.”

No sooner had he gotten those words out, the front door slammed open, leaving Charlie to yelp behind him, a handful of his gray heather t-shirt keeping her anchored to his frame. As Loki saw it, there were three men in the immediate vicinity, waving odd-looking guns that bore the signature of the Chitauri. These were not aliens, though. They were humans, who somehow found a way to retrofit the technology to make more powerful weapons. Many had been foolish enough to try it throughout the years, but only one entity bore the skull and tentacled monster on their insignia.

HYDRA.

This was definitely not a great time to still be without magic.

At once, he tried to school the rhythm of his heart, knowing that Charlie was distinctly in tune with the beat and would worry if it seemed like he was in a panic. With delicate fingers, he stroked at her curls, intending to burrow into his side. “Put your arm around me, tuck your head in, don’t let go. Got it?”

She offered little resistance to the order, humming her consent and wrapping her arm tightly around his torso. The feeling gave him comfort, funnily enough, that he was still the warrior that he had trained to be in his youth, despite having lived like a spoiled house cat for the last couple of years. Where in his youth there was glory and blood to be won, today there was only one objective–keep Charlie safe. Loki moved the second the intruders set their scopes on him. Reaching to his left, he grabbed a handful of kitchen knives which would have to do in this pinch and engaged with a growl.

Charlie whimpered, her legs struggled to keep up with his. She could not anticipate his movement and was mostly just being pushed and pulled around the floor while Loki seemed to be skillfully weaving like he was dancing. It also didn’t help that with every jerk of her body and awkward moment, there was the sickening sound of injury filling her ears. In one very distinct occasion, she could feel the breaking of some sort of bone reverberate through her own hand as Loki delivered a blow. Surely, it would be a lot easier for Loki to fight if he didn’t have to worry about Charlie behind him, and the awkward shuffle he had to do to make sure she was never exposed to any of these intruders took significant mental acuity.

When the three in the room had been dealt with, Loki reached for one of their weapons and Charlie’s mobile. He wasted to no time in moving them back through the bedroom door and locking it. Surely, more men would come.

“Stark!”

“Loki, I am, er, dealing with something right now!” The sound of bullets and flying mortar filled the line along with FRIDAY’s voice in the suit. “I’ll need to call you back!”

“Loki.” Charlie’s voice was small and trembling beside him.

Sighing, Loki wrapped his free arm around her and pulled Charlie into his chest. “I have you, love. Don’t worry.”

His lips pressed into her crown. A little bit of battle had shaken away the rust of his instincts and he could feel the distinctive prickle of enemies closing in. He prayed quietly to any entity that would bear to hear his prayers that they would be left alone. There was more noise beyond the door and Loki was left to coo Charlie into silence. He understood her fear, everything to her was a surprise, doubly so when she was scared and couldn’t bring herself to concentrate on her surroundings.

“I’m going to need you to run to the bathroom and lock yourself there, dove.”

Her hazel eyes zeroed in on him with rage-filled acuity. “You’re insane if you think I’m leaving you.”

“Darling, I cannot protect you if I’m busy minding you from getting hurt!”

Her eyes widened. There was panic in her empty gaze if the fidgeting of her fisted hands was anything to go by and it pained him to think that he could not even offer her an empty promise. “No, please! Please, don’t leave me. I–I can’t deal with it if you’re not with me.”

Loki smiled, sighing at the sweet ache of her words on his heart, and cupped her cheeks, dusting them with speckles of others’ blood. “You are braver than this, Charlotte Camden.” His thumbs brushed over her bronzed cheekbones affectionately. “I know you are. So you go and keep yourself safe and I will–”

The bedroom door rammed open with a deafening crash of cracked wood and rained splinters over the couple.

“Go! Go now!”

Charlie reluctantly disengaged, taking a running leap towards the bathroom door and slammed it behind her. Her ear pressed up against the wood to hear the scuffling. It sounded like a bigger force had come in and Charlie swallowed the panicked yelp threatening to bubble up her throat. Loki was a great fighter, but without his magic there was little for him to do if he was incapacitated. All she could do was hope that he was faster, stronger, better than these intruders.

And that’s when she heard it.

His voice.

Screaming.

Screaming like he did when he had a nightmare.

Screaming like when he remembered the blood and gore that he caused and the damage he had done.

Screaming like when he discovered that the extent of his monstrosity went beyond a lineage he had been lied about and the fickle lies he had been fed by a tyrant.

And then she heard it again.

And again.

And again…

And just when she thought her heart could take no more, she heard a body thud onto the ground and the shuffling stop and she feared the worst.

And then her bracelets activated.

Nearly a year of having the damn things on her and she had forgotten that they served any purpose other than setting off the metal detectors everywhere she went. The nanites built up around her in one swift wave. It took Charlie a moment to orient herself back to the seeing world. The colors on the screen still gave her a headache, her eyes still were unfocused, but that was due to her nearsightedness more than anything else, but it was still usable. And the updates Tony had made to the AI over the years made it easy to navigate through the controls.

She kicked the door open at once. Five figures turned back to her while another three were trying to get Loki’s annoyingly heavy body onto a cot to wheel him away. There was blood on his shirt, wounds seeping the dark treacly liquid from stab wounds used to subdue him, he looked pale, but his chest was still moving air and he was muttering deliriously under his breath.

He was alive.

So every one of them now had to die.

The gauntlets whined as the blasters charged and knocked them clean out of their boots. She supposed Tony didn’t think she would ever try to blast anything at full power, but lo and behold her rage was transcendental. They tried to restructure, protect the ones trying to take Loki away while fighting her off. Bullets ricocheted off her armor, letting her forge forward, blasters pumping out energy and leaving a trail of crumpled bodies. Taking a run, her body propelled off the ground, landing with a loud thud just in front of the door and cutting off their escape.

“Put. Him. Down.”

Rifles came up to point at her. Seven in total. They fired in unison, and she raised her arms, flinching instinctually from the projectiles that were intent on ripping into her armor. Charlie’s teeth grit tightly as she waited for the jolt of bullets to knock her backwards. They never came.

I thought it might be helpful to unlock Loki’s magic from the bracelets, the AI spoke into her ear.

When she blinked up, a blanket of green held the bullets in place, swirling in the ether of his magic. Her breath caught. This was definitely not something Tony had mentioned the last time she went in for a tune-up. He had failed to mention that the dampener Loki wore, implanted just under the skin of his bicep was feeding directly into the nanites or that there was any way to access the power. What was stranger was that the magic even listened to her, in the first place. By Loki’s tales, it was untamable force and most sorcerers never got very far without proper instruction. This was most odd.

Guns cocked and reloaded, breaking her out of her reverie. With a flick of her fingers, the bullets turned and resumed their trajectory, delivered back to sender. Another flourish, she disposed of the ones carrying the medical backboard with Loki in it and he fell to the carpeted ground with a groan.

Headache in full swing, she ran to his side, pushing away bodies to fall to her knees beside him. Nanites receded from her hands to touch his cheek.

“Loki. Babe, look at me.”

A wry smile curled his lips. “I am. I’m just very tired.” He chuckled, ending it with a cough and a groan. “Well, that answers the question where has my magic gone all this time?” He blinked a little longer each time as the darkness threatened to drag him down.

“Don’t close your eyes. Please. I need to get you to Tony’s.”

He giggled a little deliriously. “Magic suits you, petal.”

“Jesus, I really do need to get you to Tony’s.” Nanites back over her hands, she pulled his long frame into her arms and heaved. Even with the armor, he was decidedly heavier than any human she had ever met. For a second, she debated going out the front door, but seeing as her apartment was pretty much totaled, anyway, she burst through a window and into the New York skyline.

X

Loki blinked awake to the sounds of Charlie berating someone to within an inch of their life. He smiled, settling back into the covers with a grin despite the obvious pain radiating from just under his ribs and the dull ache in his skull. He peeked an eye open to see Stark, actively cowering backwards, away from her tone, narrowly avoiding her walking cane whenever she gestured wildly.

“It would have been nice to know how to activate the damn thing before Loki got fucking stabbed or I felt absolutely sure that he was dead because you put in a life or death trigger on the damn suit! And don’t get me fucking started on the fact that I’ve been carrying Loki’s magic for the last year and had no fucking clue about it!”

“I’m sorry! I was trying to keep you from playing with the suit for funsies instead of–”

“WE ALMOST DIED AND YOU WERE BUSY WITH YOUR OWN HYDRA ASSHOLES! WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? WAIT FOR YOU TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED BEFORE–”

“Charlie, love,” Loki hoarsed, and the tirade immediately quieted. Charlie rushed over to the bedside, briefly tripping over a chair leg before clambering onto his cot and covering his face with kisses. “Dove, I’m bound to be disgusting at the moment,” he protested weakly, but still pulled her closer by the waist.

“I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you, too. My savior.” He cupped her face in his hands, absorbing the warmth from her beaming smile. “Glorious. Truly glorious.” He ran his fingers through her curls, bringing them back into shape from their crumpled form. Clearly she had been sleeping here with him and not necessarily keeping up with brushing–that was usually his task, anyway–but her crumpled clothes and dark circles under her eyes belied the worry she felt for him. It made his stomach warm several times over.

“I found your magic.”

He chuckled. “I recall. You can keep it safe for me.” He looked briefly at Tony who was pretending not to smile in the corner. “Do we know what happened?”

“Looking for you, buddy boy. They were a little disappointed you couldn’t do the hocus pocus stuff, but they caught onto the problem pretty quick.”

“I’m the problem,” Charlie muttered, snuggling into his side.

“Mmm, what a lovely problem to have,” he whispered before kissing her crown.

“Look, I’ll talk to your old man and see if we can’t get your sparkles and pixie dust ban lifted–”

“Don’t bother. I can teach Charlie how to use magic if you give her access. He said I couldn’t use seidr, not that I couldn’t teach someone else to wield it.”

Tony looked apprehensive, wincing slightly at the suggestion. “You sure you want to give Live Wire there that kind of ammunition?”

“Oh, if they don’t want to allow me to use my power, that is fine. But I am making her everyone’s problem. Aren’t I, sweet?”

Charlie simply snickered, leaving Tony to groan loudly as he stepped out of the hospital room.

[tyrantisterror]

FUCK IT LET’S GET ASININE

TT’s SUBJECTIVE RANKING OF THE MARVEL MOVIE VILLAINS (AND A FEW SPECIAL MENTIONS FOR THE TV VILLAINS TOO)

I maintain that ranking characters is stupid but sometimes I dare to be stupid so let’s do this.  SPOILERS FOR EVERY MARVEL MOVIE YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED SEE YOU AFTER THE CUT FUCK I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT SUPERHEROES A LOT IN THE PAST TWO DAYS HUH

Ok, I guess I should give some criteria for this, so we’re going to be judging these guys both as villains and characters in general.  As characters, they need to be interesting and compelling - i.e. you want to follow their journey, you want to hear their story, because that’s a characters job.  If a character isn’t making a story compelling, they aren’t a great character.  As specifically antagonistic characters, they need to provide an interesting counterpoint and conflict for the heroes - there has to be a substantive reason for why they are opposing the main characters.  And as villains - and while villains are often antagonists, those two words AREN’T synonymous - they need to bring a level of menace to the table.  We don’t just want to see the heroes/protagonists win - we also don’t want the villains to succeed in their goal, because their goal is, y’know, bad.

If a villain is successful in all of these things, then there’s another criteria to consider: did they reach their potential?  There are some villains - actually A LOT of them - in the Marvel movies that are good on paper, but didn’t reach their fully potential, either because they lacked time or the writing just didn’t give them enough to do.  A number of the guys on this list would be higher if they hadn’t been, essentially, wasted by the screenwriters.

There are also some antagonists in the Marvel movies who I don’t really think qualify for the villain label - they were obstacles the heroes had to overcome, sure, but they weren’t meant to be full on SUPERVILLAINS.  There’s nothing wrong with that - hell, I honestly prefer stories to have multiple kinds of antagonists, because it makes the world more complex and interesting.  I’ll give these successful non-villains some honorable mentions.

Let’s dive in then!

As it currently stands, Loki is the best Marvel villain.  I know, I know, a lot of you hate Loki because teenage girls think Tom Hiddelston is cute, but has ANY villain in the Marvel movies gotten even close to as much development as he has?  Loki was one of the strongest aspects of the first Thor movie, with a sinister cunning backed by motives we could understand but not condone.  This guy has reasons for being the bad guy he started as - hell, the main one, his dad, is also the father of the hero he arches for, Thor.  From the start there was complexity and intrigue built into him, and his devious mind presented a great problem for not only Thor but also the three other big names in the first Avengers lineup - because while Captain America, the Hulk, and Iron Man can all hit really hard, those powers aren’t really great at beating a scheme.

Loki also opened the door (literally) for a greater scale of threats and scope of story possibilities in the universe.  Then, once his big starring villain moment in The Avengers came and went, he proceeded to take a slow but well done turn from villain to hero - one fraught with missteps and backsliding.  He didn’t turn into a good guy easily.  Again, he was arguably the best part of Thor: the Dark Wold, a movie that’s kind of a low point in the series (and yet one that’s still far from bad, because that’s how Marvel do).  Admittedly, Loki wasn’t the high point of Thor: Ragnorok, though that’s only because Thor: Ragnorok was great in so many other ways, taking a series that was up till that point a more middling part of the greater Marvel Franchise and making it one of the best.  Notably, Ragnorok finally allowed Loki to complete his turn to hero, all while keeping his personality traits that we’ve grown to love.  No villain has been better served by the franchise, and likewise none has served it better.

The first Guardians of the Galaxy had so much work to do - not only did it have to introduce us to and get us to love the five weirdest fucking superheroes of the franchise so far, but it also had to introduce the entire Space Opera side of Marvel’s universe to us - infinity stones, celestials, various planets with various sapient species with a great and varied history.  We had to learn about Groots and children of Thanos and the Kree and the Nova Corps and the Ravagers - we can forgive that movie for having a weak villain, especially given the fact that it had FIVE protagonists to develop meaningfully instead of one like every movie before it.

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, by contrast, has a lot less to do.  Its heroes are introduced, as are a lot of great supporting characters, so in that regard it just had to follow through on what it had already built.  That gave the writers significantly more time to work on the antagonist, and the result was Ego, the second best Marvel movie villain.  Though his relationship with Quill is first and foremost, Ego also has meaningful thematic ties to the other heroes as well - he’s an abusive father of unfathomable power, much like Gamora and Nebula’s adoptive father Thanos, he’s an inherently lonely being that longs for a familial connection that may well be lost to him, like Drax, Rocket, and Groot, he’s a deeply flawed parent figure to Peter much like Yondu, and, well, he’s personally isolated and abused Mantis.  Ego’s motives are understandable but reprehensible.  We feel his pathos - no one wants to be alone, and most people can understand the desire to reconnect with one’s offspring - but we also know he can’t be allowed to succeed.  The threat he brings is palpable, and his conflict changes all the heroes in a meaningful way.

Like most Marvel movie villains, Ego dies in his debut, but to the film’s credit, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 makes every second of his screentime count.  We could have gotten more tales from Ego, but if this is his only one, then I feel we can say his potential was used well.

Like Guardians of the Galaxy, Black Panther had a lot of stuff on its narrative plate.  While it had a slight headstart in introducing its titular hero thanks to Civil War, it still has to do a lot of work to make us understand who T’Challa is, while also introducing Okoye, M’Baku, Wakanda’s greatest export Shuri, Nakia, and oh yeah, the Afrofuturistic country of Wakanda.  It also had to justify the existence of fakeout villain Ulysses Klaue and unnecessary white man Martin Freeman for, I imagine, the comfort of the white executives taking a “gamble” on a big budget movie with a predominately non-white cast, because somehow that was even more ludicrous in Hollywood’s eyes than a movie starring a talking racoon and an Ent.

where was I?

Oh, right, my point is that there was significantly less narrative space for Killmonger than the two villains above him, and that’s the SOLE reason he’s at number three here.  Killmonger’s motives are just as complex as Loki’s, and he is as thematically relevant to the MANY heroes opposing him in this film as Ego is in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2.  And he gets a lot of good development!

but... Killmonger dies at the end of Black Panther.  He dies when there is so, SO much more story we could have gotten out of him.  And while his story in the film is well told for the most part, some of it is abbreviated.  This dude needs, nay, DESERVES more time.  If they retcon his death and bring him back for a sequel, Killmonger may very well climb to the top of this list.

Thanos is the only villain on this list who is arguably the protagonist of a Marvel film - really, Avengers Infinity War is his movie more than anyone else’s.  He does a lot of the same stuff as the three villains before him - his motives are understandable, the threat he poses is immense, he challenges the heroes, and at the same time has thematic connections to... well, some of them (look there’s significantly more heroes in Infinity War than there are in Thor, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Black Panther, so cut him a little slack).  But he’s a bit weaker at all those ways except for the “level” of threat he poses.  The only heroes he’s really intimately tied to are Gamora and Nebula - for everyone else, his threat is more general than personal.  Sure, he’s a lot more SUCCESSFUL at killing named characters than the previous three villains on this list, but if you think all of those deaths are gonna stick you’re a very gullible person.  Ultimately, Thanos’ character had to sacrifice narrative complexity for the sake of establishing a higher scale of threat, and the result if a character that’s a bit weaker than Marvel’s best - but still pretty damn good.  I mean, he was good enough to feel like a credible threat to a literal army of superheroes - that’s gotta count for something.

Funnily enough, the Vulture is kind of on the opposite side of things from Thanos.  The threat he poses is significantly lower stakes than the villains that preceded and followed him - and, oddly enough, that’s in his favor.  He felt new as a result.  This wasn’t a guy who was starting wars or committing genocides - he’s just an asshole who sells illegal and highly dangerous weapons.  His motives are understandable, too - dude wants to give his family a good life, and this just happened to be a solution to that problem (if not a moral one).  He’s much closer to the kind of “villain” an average person would be affected by in real life.

At the same time, well, he’s not a world shaking villain.  He does what he’s meant to do well, sure, but he wasn’t meant to be the next Loki - he’s a one shot filler villain for a movie that was really about introducing its hero to us.  There are a LOT of villains who were meant for that niche, and of those villains, Vulture is the cream of the crop.

Though she was going to be higher, didn’t you?

My immense attraction to her aside, Hela is... kinda flat.  Her motivations are kinda weak - she’s a warhawk who wants to start wars and was kicked out of Asgard for starting wars too much and now is back to start some more wars because... because war is cool, I guess.  Cate Blanchett’s wonderfully campy performance elevates the material she’s been given a lot, don’t get me wrong, but objectively... Hela’s not very interesting.  In terms of her relation to the hero, she’s basically Loki except with no development or intrigue - yeah, she’s technically Thor’s sister, but we don’t feel a familial bond between them, so their conflcit doesn’t really get any intrigue out of that.  Hela isn’t really a character - she’s a conflict, as developed and emotionally complex as the tornadoes in Twister.

I hate to say it, because I love Thor: Ragnorok and just, like, the concept of a Goddess of Death played by Cate Blanchett, but Hela just isn’t very well developed.  She’s a lot of wasted potential - wasted potential made very... entertaining by Cate Blanchett’s... entertaining performance, but if it weren’t for the skills of the actress playing her and, uh, some aesthetic preferences on my part, she’d be even lower on the list.

Hey, speaking of really good actors who played elf leaders Lord of the Rings, here’s Red Skull!  And, like Hela, he’s kind of wasted.  Movie Red Skull is basically the cartoonishly exaggerated caricature pop culture has made nazis into - “evil” in the Snidley Whiplash sense, but not evil in the have-you-actually-read-up-on-how-fucking-horrifying-the-holocaust-is sense.  And, look, I understand that bringing in the actual horrors of the holocaust in a movie about a guy who’s basically wearing the American flag as a costume could very easily become uncomfortably misguided, but the defanging of the nazis - I’m sorry, HYDRA, the “more evil” nazis who somehow don’t do any of the actually ridiculously evil shit nazis did - that Red Skull represents isn’t a great solution to that problem.

Movie Red Skull is less complex than Cobra Commander.  He is pure “I’m evil because... because!” villainy.  He’s less deep than Hela, and unlike Hela’s actress, Hugo Weaving was kind of phoning it in.  There’s some hammy fun in Red Skull, sure, but he could have had so much more impact than he did.

Ronan the Accuser’s motives are a bit better defined than Red Skull’s.  His people have been in an on again, off again war with the rival civilization of Xandar, and yeah, that’s a tale as old as time - dude wants to destroy a country because they fought his country in the past and all that, happens all the time, fine and dandy.  But... while we can understand that because it’s basically the bulk of human history, we never really feel it, y’know?  Xandar and the Kree’s history is TOLD to us, not shown, and as a result we don’t really FEEL Ronan’s motivation.

So what does that leave us with?  Well, a very shouty and hammy performance by his actor done from under some thick makeup.  It’s fun and campy, but Ronan’s a filler starter villain - he’s weak so the heroes may have time to be strong.  It’s fine - he does his job - but he’s not what he could have been.

Although I will say, the moment where his brain just short circuits when Peter Quill stops their fight to challenge him to a dance off?  Hands down the most satisfying thing in the entire Marvel universe.

Aww yeah, here’s an interesting guy!  Isn’t this not at all underwhelming after the colorful cast of characters above?  Look, it’s... a dude!  A white dude!  Swell!

Zemo is, like, the less-good prototype for Killmonger.  Dude got fucked over by American Imperialism and blames the superheroes for it, using a bunch of dastardly tricks and cunning schemes to create strife in their ranks!  He does it well enough, and he’s got a good amount of pathos, and the actor playing him does the job very well, but... c’mon, do you really want to see more of this guy?  Did you even remember his name?  He’s just complex enough to get the job done, but just boring enough to let the movie focus on its REAL conflict, which is the titular super hero Civil War.  Like the Vulture before him, he’s just as good as he needs to be - but since he didn’t need to be as good as the villains higher up, he didn’t reach those heights.

Also it should be noted that comic book Zemo looks OUTRAGEOUS and interesting and fun so it’s kind of a shame that, like, exactly 0% of that was translated into film.  You could have called this character Greg Fucktruck or whatever instead and saved that character for a movie where, like, he could be interesting and cool, instead of a one off filler villain.

Robert Redford begins as a good guy in Captain America: The Winter Soldier and initially feels like a reasonable authority figure, only to be revealed as a secret bad guy in a surprising plot twist!  It’s effective, but as villains go. he’s just, like, a guy.  He’s a guy in a suit.  Not a supervillain suit, just a... a normal suit.  He wields a lot of power and has an evil plan and is played charismatically by a very good actor, but like Zemo, he’s not exactly memorable.  I mean, fuck, I just listed him as Robert Redford because I couldn’t remember his character name and didn’t want to look it up.

Y’know how I said Zemo is the crappy prototype for Killmonger?  Yeah, well, Whiplash is the shitty prototype for Zemo.  Same motives but shittier, same personal connection to the hero but shittier, same critique of American Imperialism but much, much shittier.  At least he loved his bird, though.

I couldn’t find a gif of his monster form, but the Abomination is... uh... he’s a guy... a mercenary?  And he turns into a monster.  That’s neat.  Turning into a monster is the sole reason he’s this high on the list.  And I couldn’t even find a gif of it.

Ullyses Klaue was a boring, one dimensional filler villain who was given some fun quirks by his actor, Andy Serkis, but ultimately failed to not be boring and was thankfully killed off halfway through the movie so the actually interesting villain of the movie could take center stage in a surprise twist that made said interesting villain all the more memorable.  He died so a better plot may live, and a better character immediately filled his shoes.  Rest in peace, you boring ass red herring of a villain.

“I’m selling the entire universe to a hell dimension because the hell dimension doesn’t have death because there is no time!  That’s a complex motive, right?  Right?”  No, c...caecilian?  Cesarian?  Caeser Millan?  No it’s not.  I mean, an attempt was made, I guess?  It’s technically a different motive than past villains?  I guess?  This guy is the “You Tried” sticker of Marvel’s movie villains.

Ultron tried to be so, SO much more than most of the characters on this list.  In terms of authorial intent, he would rank higher - they were really, REALLY trying with him!  They really were!

But, for me, Ultron fails in everything he tries to be. That’s why he’s this low on my list - not because he’s not complex, not because he’s a boring concept, but because there was so much potential and effort here and it was all WASTED, and that is so much more frustrating than the boring villains that preceded him on this list!

Like... comic book Ultron is a giggling, manic lunatic of a villain, full of energy and intensity that is so unlike most of Marvel’s rogues gallery, especially those that made it to the films.  The default movie villain is “smug, disinterested bad guy who talks way too much and takes himself too seriously.”  Comic book Ultron ISN’T that.  Comic book Ultron is fun and passionate and coo-coo for coco puffs bonkers bananas!  And yet he’s also got a lot of pathos - he’s a new life form whose creator didn’t know how to nurture properly, who grew too fast for his unwitting parent to deal with.  There’s a tragedy to Ultron.

Also, he’s an awesome robot man with a scary as fuck unmoving robot mask that looks like some alien skull that is both screaming in fury and laughing in maniacal glee at the same time.  Like, visually, comic book Ultron is really good.

And... and an effort was made to capture some of that, but it failed.  They tried to capture Ultron’s loopy thought process, but in reality they just made his motivations and plan a fucking mess that’s impossible to parse.  They tried to give him a good design, but ditched the iconic and creepy screaming skull mask in favor of... weird robo lips, and then stuck those on a Michael Bay transformer body.  They took his manic personality and, well, chucked it out in favor of...

Well, a smug, disinterested bad guy who talks too much and takes himself too seriously.

Ultron should have been something we hadn’t seen before, or at least not recently - he should have been, well, Comic Book Ultron.  Instead, they forced him into the mold of MOST Marvel villains, and forced his design into the mold of the most profitable robot designs at the then-current time: the Michael Bay transformers.  The result was so disappointing.  It’s heart breaking.

You know what they should have imitated, but didn’t?  Darth Vader.  Darth Vader is perhaps the most well known movie villain of all time, and certainly the most lucrative.  You know what Darth Vader has?  An immovable mask that is iconic and terrifying and brought to life by a passionate, inspired vocal performance from the actor playing him.

Ultron is most effective at the very end of the movie, when he’s speaking through his drone, which DOES have that immovable, scream/laughter face of his comic counterpart.  It’s way more unsettling and interesting to watch, even if James Spader’s performance in that part still has that smug, bored disinterest to it.  I know this sounds like a minor point but really, it’s one of the many big missed opportunities of this character, and it’s a damn shame.

Malekith is a shitty prototype for Ronan the Accuser, played by an actor of great talent who was given absolutely nothing to work with from the script and then had his performance hampered by thick makeup.  Malekith sucks.

There are, like, fifty evil businessmen who want superhero technology to make money via evil in the Marvel movies.  They all have different names and different actors and they’re all boring and they suck.  They suck hard.  They’re all the exact same character, and the fact that some of them are played by really good actors sucks doubly hard because those good actors could have played, like, someone INTERESTING instead.  Fuckin’ Sam Rockwell?  You waste Sam Rockwell’s talents on this bland stereotype of a character?  You wasted the Fucking Dude on this?  Christ.

Honorable Mentions pt. 1: the Not-Really-Villains

Jeff Goldblum’s performance as the Grandmaster is a gift that humanity must treasure till the end of its days and beyond.  He is so delightfully weird and charming in every scene he’s in and I would watch a thousand movies with this character in him.  So why isn’t he on the villains list?  Well, because he’s... not really a villain.  He’s an antagonist, sure, and on paper he sounds pretty villainous - tyrannical ruler of a planet who forces people into gladiator games and all that.

But in execution he’s more of... a goof.  He’s basically Michael Scott from The Office - a weird fucking idiot who was given way too much power and weilds it irresponsibly.  He causes problems that can ruin peoples’s lives, sure, but, like, he’s entirely unaware of what he’s doing.  He’s not consciously evil - he’s just a silly bastard who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.  He’d be harmless if you took him out of that power structure.

When we first meet him, he metls a guy with a stick.  Most movies would play that for horror.  In Thor: Ragnorok, it’s a comedy beat.  Audiences lose their shit laughing at the dark comedy of that moment.  The Grandmaster COULD have been played as a villain, but instead he was played as a buffoonish antagonist - and he’s BETTER for that.  He’s more memorable for that.

Bucky is a great antagonist in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but he’s not a villain.  He’s a victim - you can’t hold brainwashed, mind-controlled man accountable for his actions, as everything he’s done was carried out specifically because his own will was overridden.  Bucky’s a damn good character, and if this was a ranking of ANTAGONISTS he’d be up in the top five, but you can’t call the dude a villain.

There are a lot of henchmen in the movies that were full on villains in the comics, like Skurge and Crossbones and so on.  But, look - in the films, these guys are just henchmen.  Some of them are very fun, very interesting henchmen - I chose Skurge to represent them for a reason - but they aren’t VILLAINS.  They aren’t the focus.  They’re a side dish, not the main course.

Holy shit I posted this only to remember Dormammu’s been in a movie ten minutes later while getting cereal.  Movie Dormammu isn’t a villain or a henchman - he’s a cameo, much as Thanos was until very recently.  He fills the same narrative role as a McGuffin - he’s the big bad weapon we have to stop the villain from using.  He’ll probably get to be a character in later movies, but for now he’s little more than a prop.  Fuck, I couldn’t even find a gif of his movie self - had to use his comic counterpart instead.

Honorable Mentions Pt. 2: Sirs And Madamns Not-Appearing-In-These-Films

So the Marvel movies technically share the same universe as various T.V. shows, though at this point the likelihood of that ever being played for more than a few winking nods and veiled references is PRETTY LOW.  Most of these series are designed to be binge watched on Netflix - i.e. consumed all at once, from the comfort of a couch, so the audience can enjoy a longer form story than an individual movie without having to wait several months between installments.  That’s a very different writing task than writing a MOVIE villain - structurally, it’s significantly different, with a whole lot of different problems and possibilities.  Judging the villains of the shows by the same criteria as we judge the villains of the movies isn’t fair - the villains of the shows have a LOT more time on their hands to prove who they are, and without long gaps.  Loki, the villain with the most screentime in the movies, still had less time for his arc than, say, Kilgrave, and Loki’s arc was staggered in two and a half hour chunks with years in between them, while Kilgrave’s story could be consumed all at one upon release.  That’s not a fair fight.

That said, I want to talk about some of the TV villains:

Kilgrave is the single most complex, terrifying, and overall effective villain the Marvel Cinematic Universe has produce, at least from all the content I’ve seen.  None of the other villains (that I’ve seen) are explored as thoroughly, none of them are as personally tied to every facet of the hero they oppose, and none of them - not even world ending Thanos - are as starkly fucking terrifying the depths of their depravity and the strength they have to achieve it.  Kilgrave is brilliantly written, and David Tenant outdoes himself in bringing him to monstrous life.  He is the best villain the MCU has produced.

You know how a lot of the movies have somewhat bland villains by necessity, because giving them too much narrative weight would keep them from properly introducing the hero?  Cottonmouth would have that problem had Luke Cage been introduced in a movie instead of a show.  As it is, Cottonmouth still feels like a “starter” villain - he’s a normal sort of criminal, not a Supervillain - but at the same time, he’s a damn complex and interesting starter villain.  He’s miles ahead of most of the movie villains, but it’s purely because he’s got a lot more time to develop.

Diamondback, by contrast, has a really interesting concept, but is kind of bland in execution.  The show builds him up very well, but slowly drops the ball once he finally shows up in the final half of the season.  Maybe a second season can make good on his concept, but as it is he was kind of mishandled.

I watched about three episodes of Dardevil.  It was very good, but there was a scene where Daredevil tortured a criminal to get information out of him to stop crimes, and that is a dealbreaker for me.  I don’t care if they “explored the ramifications” of it - as far as I’m concerned, when a character tortures someone for information, they are no longer sympathetic and I cannot call them a hero.  I will not watch the rest of that show.

I’ve heard Wilson Fisk is VERY well handled and interesting from enough people to feel that’s almost certainly true.  Shame I can’t see it.

Outside of Jessica Jones and Luke Cage, I also watched two seasons of Agents of SHIELD  as well as The Defenders.  I can’t remember any of the villains from either.  I mean, there definitely were some, but I can’t remember a single one.  Unless we count Danny Rand - I certainly felt personally victimized every time he opened his shitty mouth to say some shitty dialogue and take some screentime from Jessica Jones and Luke Cage in The Defenders. Or the writers of Agents of SHIELD for killing Lucy Lawless off in the same episode they introduced her into the show, thus denying us an awesome character played by Lucy fucking Lawless.  But other than that, I don’t know the TV villains that well.