#cuz no neurotypical ever understands that

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I vibe with hyperfixating w/ characters. To varying degrees I’ve fixated on: Armin from AOT for a while, 1D had a DEATH GRIP on me for a few years, (SEVEAL book characters through my teen years)I had an Alucard from castlevania fixation for maybe 3 ish years (‘ending’ only recently) and now Hobes lives in my head rent free ngl.

I get the “being sad cuz you can’t meet them” part, I’ve felt it. I try to not daydream TOO much cuz otherwise it takes over my life and I’m doing a considerable effort to live OUT of my own head, but BOI do I LOVE just daydreaming about my blorbos of choice.

I don’t speak too much about it (mostly the daydreaming) cuz to an extent it feels like a “me thing” (like something I don’t wanna share with anyone cuz it’s special to me), but if given the chance I DO info dump on my fixations.

I don’t think it’s cringe, not at all. These things are stuff that helps us process the world and our experiences with it. I believe everyone has sensitive weird shit that they don’t talk about, but if there’s something Ive learned is that we hardly ever have completely unique experiences. Most people just hide their oddness. Fandom being a prime example of how much our blorbos can mean to us. I think it’s okay and normal. (Until it goes overboard and people send idk violent messages to others because they headcanon something differently idk, the unreasonable stuff imo)

Can’t believe our of everything people would dare to make JOY and INTEREST the things with negative connotations. Being mean should be cringe, being a bully should be embarrassing. But unashamedly enjoying stuff?? That’s wonderful.

Anyone too embarrassed of their own vulnerability that they deal with it by making others feel bad about their interests are the most immature out if all of us.

Joy is everything that’s good with the world.

Even just seeing the letter 1D makes me wanna scream (in a good way!!) cause it takes me back to high school lol 1D was a bit older than me so my grade had Mindless Behaviour (does anyone remember them, where they even popular) but I remember the days where 1D was like the definition of summer songs

And I can totally understand the 'me thing'. Like I never really spoke about it but I felt like I knew my daydreams were more substantial or vivid than the 'average person' so to say.

Or when I spoke about characters to other people, I understood that neurotypicals likes characters, but they often didn't see them as fully formed 'persons' in the way I do - as to say, they didn't speculate or see emotional backstory, connections, or their behavior the way I did.

I never really shared any of my daydreams because like - I can't even get into it that's like asking someone to explain Star Wars to someone who doesn't even know space travel exists.

I grew up in a time on the internet where self-inserts and OC were seen as cringe, and someone would be very quick to call out 'Mary-Sue's (or flawless OCs) whenever they could.

It's not like that now - but in juxtaposition to canon x canon shipping, that bias is still there I feel like. Like it, as a work of fandom art has less 'value' that art or fics of canon only characters

It kinda bums me out still.

I think OC and daydreams and self-indulgent inserts are all the best part of fandom because it's the purest way of fans connecting with content on a personal level.

I'm happy that I see more people pushing back on that lately. Like after years of seeing people viciously hate furries when most of them seem like very nice, fun people, it's refreshing for people to be like 'nah, actually this thing is cool. and im gonna spend of time and/or money on this thing cause i makes me happy;

like you remember when the new Star Wars movie trailers came out and that dude reacted to it and he was moved to tears and people made fun of him??

yeah fuck everyone else that dude knows whats up.

Like yes, openly cry to your faves. Fantasize deep meaningful daydreams that help you process your feelings. Draw your OC with them, or learn every single thing their is to know about them.

That's why I wanted to talk about this. Because I've never heard it spoken about before. Maladaptive daydreaming, yes - and that can be harmful. But I hardly ever hear people talk about the basic mundane experience of it - or even how it can enrich our lives and help us emotionally develop of neurodivergent people.

When I think of it that way, it's something that makes me happy. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it fully, and that's the point. Our stories are private to us, not because theyre embarrassing, but because they're so us that to even describe it would like describing a new world top to bottom

I love it. It's what makes humans humans.

[loveylo]

rottmnt!Raphael gets the comfort he deserves

hey gang i’m not feeling so great, so here’s me projecting onto my favorite turtles again!!!

(i am totally avoiding hw rn but shhhhh raph (me) needs the comfort)

TCEST DNI THIS IS FAMILIAL LOVE/AFFECTION!!! I HAVE A BAT!!!

No tws from what i can tell? Maybe just cws for depression and such. If any of yall think i need to add one, please tell me, ty!

Headcanons/Tags for this oneshot:

He/She Raphael

They/It Donnie

She/Her Mikey

He/Him Leo

They are all the big neurodivergent cuz idk how to write neurotypical people :skull:

Raph is 100% burnt out/depressed autism but she has the best support system ever frfr

FLUFF AND COMFORT SO SO SO MUCH FLUFF AND COMFORT

So it was one of these days huh?

Raph grumbles into his pillow, brows furrowing at the rough texture. He shakes out his heavy arms before flipping the pillow over. This does absolutely nothing to help alleviate the uncomfortable scratching.

She huffs, pushing the pillow away entirely, planning on using her arms as a replacement. They work decently (despite the spikey nature).

The lack of energy finally catches up, and he falls asleep.

.

..

...

..

.

And when he wakes up, there’s a warmth at his side. It’s warmer then his plushies, but still cold. It seems to have scales as well and- oh.

“So from there, I’ll finally be able to reset the router-” the warmth was Donnie, “and connect the files to, welcome to consciousness by the way, my device.”

It was a quick greeting, spoken under a hushed tone. From there Donnie continues to info dump, and Raph continues to listen.

She is lulled to sleep by Donnie’s voice, while it continues to explain it’s “Major Awesome Cool Particle Accelerator.”

.

..

...

..

.

The next time he comes to, the warmth has moved to the top of his shell.

Mikey.

Shockingly enough, the room is not filled with noise. There’s just a comforting blanket of silence that covers the room, with the only real noise coming from the switch in Mikey’s hands. It’s soft and fluffy, kind of like ice cream.

Raph’s stomach growls at the thought, and Mikey’s head shoots up from it’s resting spot. She smiles in understanding, before reaching at the bedside drawer. Raph raises a non-existent eyebrow in confusion, however, the feeling is smothered by the smell of butter on toast.

An easy texture to handle, and an even easier taste. Not too overwhelming, not too bland.

Raph tears up at all the thought that went into her meal. Mikey pretends not to notice, sliding off the spiked shell and landing criss-cross next to her. Raph doesn’t sit up, she doesn’t have the full strength to do so. Mikey’s smile softens, and she glances between Raph and the toast before them, a question.

He eats it all, before promptly passing out, holding Mikey in his arms.

.

..

...

..

.

She realizes that the plush in her arms isn’t Mikey first.

Consciousness flows back to her brain like an hourglass tilted sideways. When the top is finally free of sand, she feels a hand slowly scritching the back of her head. Based on the previous visits, she can assume it’s Leo.

Raph finally processes the soft flipping of pages, knowing Leo, it’s a Jupiter Jim comic that he’s read about 100 times by now. She huffs in amusement, throwing her arms around the turtle and pulling him down. He yelps in shock, clearly unaware of her awakening.

“So, what time is it?” The words jumble out of her mouth. Soft and quiet.

“Around dinner time,” Leo giggles out, shuffling closer to her plastron, “I’m pretty sure Mikey’s gonna come in with food soon.”

That sounds nice, Raph thinks to herself.

“That sounds nice,” Raph says aloud.

And it is.

He finally sits up when Mikey walks in. He eats the noodles laid out in front of him. He stretches, gets up, walks to the couch.

He got up today, and his sibling’s eyes grow wide and fluffy and soft and caring and loving.

He got up today, and it’s progress.

He got up today, and that’s enough.

That’s enough.

Raphael Hamato is loved, no matter what time of day she gets out of bed (if she even gets up at all).

He is not alone. He will never be alone.

Not when he has his amazing family by his side.

[padded-daydreams]

Hihi, I've been wanting to try nappies for a long time and I have a question if you're comfortable, of course no pressure to answer! I mostly want nappies for overnight wear, cuz I have trouble going to the bathroom at night, but people say using nappies while laying down if difficult. I don't understand what that means, do they leak? Sorry if you're not the right person to ask, thank you either way!

No problems, thank you for asking.

When people say that it is "difficult to use laying down" it is not literal. Whether the diaper is going to leak has more to do with how absorbent it is vs the position you are in.

The idea of it being more difficult in certain positions is that for a lot of adults, the mind has been trained to hold it in instinctively. It can feel embarrassing or difficult to let yourself do. After years of not wearing diapers, it can be a bit of a mental challenge to allow yourself to use a diaper. It can take some time to use one comfortably, but this will vary from person to person.

If you are able to pee standing up (or do it in the shower) sometimes that is a more comfortable position to get used to using a diaper. Will vary from person to person.

Personally, I did have some trouble at first with using diapers again. As someone with DID who age regresses to try and make the present more comfortable, sometimes being in a younger mental state is less comforting and more terrifying because remembering childhood is rarely a good thing. Sometimes wearing a diaper can be a (PTSD) trigger. Even the small things, like knowing that using the diaper makes everyone mad at you. Or just that you know at a time where you were wearing that thing you were not safe at all and had no power over anything.

I've always had an issue with having a bladder that is way too small and it is a daily constant anxiety keeping track of when I have to go use the toilet or not. It is hard to tell when I even have to go and when I do there is an instinct to hold it in constantly, and being able to relax is difficult because of how ingrained "hold it in and wait" is in my brain. Using diapers helps though. Now I can play video games without getting up like every 20 minutes. Until I run out of diapers and remember I don't have money for more.

Idk how relevant this is, but I am autistic. I was not diagnosed until later in life (though apparently it was generally assumed I was since I was able to interact with others but no one ever made accommodations for that in favor of abuse) but that doesn't mean it didn't heavily affect me. A lot of neurotypicals only care about the part of autism that affects regulation of emotions because that is what is most inconvenient to other people to deal with. However, autism affects the ability to regulate most functions, including but not limited to body temperature and when you have to use the toilet (can vary from person to person). My point is that the time I was in diapers originally ended before I was actually potty trained and I just tried to hide that to avoid being yelled at and punished. Whenever I couldn't hide it, I was yelled at anyway because I kept ruining clothes or ruining the bed or whatever. My point is that there can be a lot of internalized shame around the issue that can be hard to unlearn. Things would probably be better if people didn't like punishing developmental delays than helping them but nothing I can do about that.

My point is that trauma affects things and I have the term "training potty" filtered because it's too triggering to even think about that.

[i-willstealyourtoes]

had an idea last night, may be my last request for a while so I don't overwhelm you but I'll be online!

So maybe jacket, Jimmy, Houston and hoxton with a non-heister S/O who's super innocent, like doesn't get dirty jokes, so on, who also really likes soft fluffy stuff? Cuz like that's cute

Your writing is fantastic btw! Keep up the great work ♡

Hi! Tysm I really appreciate it <33 Also my requests are open now so u can send all your prompts :> Oh and I'm sorry that these might be shorter; I've been losing my momentum recently... 😭

Jacket, Jimmy, Houston + Hoxton with innocent/cute/civie s/o

Jacket

- I think he finds your innocence really refreshing, bc he's used to working with.... well the heisters

- They're not as innocent, as you are probably aware of

- But yeah, he kind of enjoys just having a cute and innocent s/o

- He's glad you haven't seen the horrors of the world

- But at the same time he feels bad bc

- What if he ruins it???

- Even if he isn't actually Jacket (as in, HLM/HLM 2 not being canon), he's still done a lot of... morally questionable things

- You're so nice and cute, he doesn't want to ruin your beautiful view on the world

- But at the same time... he's absolutely addicted to you

- Like everytime he hears you giggle, smile, or be cute... he can't get enough

- You know how people game because they need an escape? That's low-key him with you

- You're his comfort everything

- After a long day of hurting others, he just wants to see you

- Sometimes he'll just observe you

- Like... when your waiting at a park for your date, he'll just look at you for a little while before actually coming up to you

- It doesn't matter how silly goofy you are, he likes just seeing you interact with the world, in your cute clothing and your cute smile

- When he first met you, he thought your innocent demeanour was a facade

- BECAUSE HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SEX JOKE SHSHBSHSNS

- 'Eh? What does... the eggplant emoji imply if not veggies?'

- Jacket just looks at you like 👁️👄👁️ 'how do you not know it means someone's DI-'

- (He did not say that)

- But still, he assumed you were just pretending to be that innocent

- Once he hung out with you more, he realized you really are just that dumb innocent

- I don't think he likes inviting you to the safehouse

- I mean, safehouse raids happen whenever so...

- Also he's scared the others might scare you or ruin your innocence

- He doesn't trust the others with you, especially alone

- WHAT IF THEY TELL YOU ABOUT THE SEX AAAAAAA-

- If you do ever hang out with the others, they always tease Jacket about it

- Especially Houston

- 'No offense, but why did you choose chicken little over there? He's so-OW JACKET WAIT OW-'

- No he did not kill Houston... I think

- Jacket feels that Houston's right, why him???

- He thinks of himself of like... 4/10

- You? To him, you break the scale 😊

- (In a good way, not in a 'you're worse than 0' way)

- You probably have to keep reassuring him that he's a 10 (or more) in your eyes

- (He thinks you're lying)

- (We're not Jacket, you're cool)

- Still, he can't help but smile when you're hugging him on the couch, telling him how much you love him

- The combo of hugging your cute form, along with your gorgeous voice...

- Those moments make him feel like he can't get any better

- Like... he's made it, he's made it to heaven

- He would, in a heartbeat, give up everything for your sweet soul

- All you have to do is go 'Please...?' and he'd probably gut a guy for you

- (He definitely would, don't ask him unless you actually want him to)

- He can't help but become a little fluffier with you

- The snuggles... get him every single time

- He just wants to pick you up and just-

- AAAAAAAAAAA HE LOVE YOUUUUU

Jimmy

- Bro... he... he love you so much

- Like... EEEEEEEEEE-

- Idk if I headcanon him as neurodivergent (idk if I even can, as a neurotypical person)

- BUT HE JUST-

- STIMMING EEEEE

- Whenever you snuggle with him or wear really cute fluffy clothes

- Flapping hands or something idk

- He... 🥺

- He's like 'bro my s/o is literally everything'

- Yes you are his new addiction moving on-

- He does call you his 'angel' most likely

- Most likely meaning you have a 90% chance-

- 'Hello angel.'

- CAN YOU HEAR HIM ACTUALLY SAYING THAT??? BC I DO

- OH and if he doesn't call you that??

- The other 10% he calls you something like 'sweetheart'

- NAH BO YOU MAKING ME SIMP FOR HIM NOW

- (For context, I did not really until this-)

- Always has his hands on you

- Not in a bad way??? Like he just always has an arm around you, or holds your hand or a hand on your thigh/waist

- No, it is not sexual (unless you show those intentions to him)

- I genuinely think that when he's really out of it, he actually thinks you're not real 😭

- Like he'll squint his eyes and all 💀

- Man's is like 'no way you're real, there's no way I must be trippin HARD'

- He will pinch you or feel your face to make sure you are in the physical form 💀

- It's either that or he asks you if you've seen his partner (you)

- Like wth????

- 'Hhhhey excuse- excuse me? H-have you seen a person about ehh.... yay-high-?'

- THEN HE GESTURES TO ABOUT A FOOT TALL GREMLIN WTH-

- It does not matter if you're crazy tall, he'll still do that

- '-they're like... SUUUUUPER cute... Like-like CRAZY amounts of cuteness. The kind of... AAWWWWWW A PUPPY cute, you know???'

- 'Babe, that's me-'

- 'WOAH I LITERALLY JUST TALKED ABOUT MY S/O HOW DARE YOU-'

- Bro he trippin-

- Please help him through these times okay he just took a little too much of the illicit pharmaceuticals

- When he snaps out of it, he has no embarrassment about it

- (Idk how, if I were him I would've dug my own grave after)

- OH RIGHT YEAH ABOUT YOUR LACK OF SEX JOKE KNOWLEDGE

- He does make sex jokes now and then, so he finds it kind of funny when you don't get them???

- Like 'haha your so stupid and cute I love you please marry me'

- (He has probably said this at one point in your relationship)

- Jimmy trying to explain 'adult jokes' to you is literally my source of comedy

- 'You see, it's funny because it looks like a PENI-'

- LMAO I AM CACKLING AT THIS-

- The idea of him explaining those kind of jokes while you're like '...?' to him so such a funny concept I love it

- 'What do you mean if it's rock hard you will be too? OH-'

- (Reference to this video)

- Anyways, he likes how cute and innocent you are, though unlike Jacket he'll probably have no issue telling you about funny innuendos-

Houston

- I think he didn't get it at first either????

- Like how... how do you not get the joke

- You're of legal age, HOW-

- He finds it kind of amusing though so he doesn't mind

- It's low-key his source of entertainment I'm ngl

- He's probably shown you funny sex jokes and asked you to explain

- 'Uh.... the eggplant emoji... is it like... a veggie joke?'

- Bruh.... what is with you and the eggplant smh

- Anyway, he finds it really funny and sort of cute???

- I think at first he found it a little annoying since he'd have to explain it?

- But now he just thinks it's comical

- As for you being cute???

- Bro.... he.... he loves you

- The cute fluffy vibes really got him

- I feel like he might prefer cuter s/os anyway?

- It's just.... the hugs omg

- He might act tough when you hug him

- BUT ON THE INSIDE HE IS... AAAAAA-

- The little smooches you give him

- Bro thinks he's blessed by the gods fr

- He does get a little red if you give him enough attention bc ofc he do

- 🍅 <- him rn

- Like he

- He...

- Girl (gender-neutral) I don't even know fr he's just down BAD

- Idk how to explain it... it's just he actually feels addicted to your existence

- The idea of him sitting down after successfully hitting a bank, with you snuggling into him

- Bros moved to tears at the thought (/jk)

- Also I feel like he'd brag about you

- AAAAAAALLLL THE TIME

- 'Yeah, you might have got more heads, but I'm the one with the angel here. So fuck you.'

- Bro just likes bragging oml

- ESPECIALLY with Hoxton because ofc he has to one up him all the time oml

- If he runs out of comebacks, he just picks you up and is like 'Well do you have this? No, you don't.'

- If you're up for it, he loves you more

- IF YOU BLOW RASPBERRIES AT HOX HOUSTON WILL FIND IT SO FUNNY LMAO

- 'Yeah, you tell it him babe.'

- If you'll allow it, he'd like to pick you up and help you with everything? He likes to feel like a big strong guy with his damsel/Prince so...

- If you don't like it, it'll take every fiber of his being not to help you so much

- He... he can't help it, he just wants to be there for you

- Maybe a little too much

- He loves you alot okay....

- If you're small too? He's gonna help you anyway whether you want his help or not

Hoxton

- EEEEEEE-

- Him when you're cute: :]

- He really likes to keep a hand on you like Jimmy?

- Hand on the waist or shoulder for him is a go to :>

- He will not hesitate to pick you up when you ask

- 'Alright, up we go-' or 'There, prince(ss).'

- He really enjoys doing this because he just.... it's just so fun okay-

- (Pick me up Hox I want to go uppys)

- Like Houston, he will probably also brag

- 'Hey wanker, look at this-' (then he just picks you up and kisses you, giving a middle finger to Houston)

- If you blow raspberries at Houston he will also gain +100 love for you

- Which is sort of impossible considering how he loves you infinity amounts already

- He LIVES for the cute fits you do bc like...

- Duh???? You slay???

- If you wear anything fluffy/with skirts he love you :>

- Wearing stuff like that gets you an extra chance at being picked up

- BC LOOK AT YOU

- VHHBSJSNSJSNSN-

- Anyway, he likes how innocent you are too bc????

- The fact you don't get some of these jokes are so funny to him

- Like... how do you not get them lmao

- 'Wait... so the eggplant emoji... isn't just indicating the vegetable???'

- (Nahhh not you with the eggplant omd)

- 'Ye-(is laughing) Yes babe, the eggplant emoji is not just a vegetable. What do you think it could be?'

- It doesn't matter if you understand it now, he'll still make fun of you for it

- Like he'll be shopping for groceries with you or something

- And if he finds an eggplant?

- 'Hey babe, what's this?'

- (Smh Hox stop the bullying)

- He really likes showing off all his achievements to you, knowing that you'll do the cute face (🥺/🤩)

- 'Yeah, then he took a shotgun to the face! The Dozer was fucked to begin with, anyway...choosing to fight me, of all people. What a dumbass cop....'

- Yes he likes to flex his muscles a little too okay

- If you marvel at them too? HSJSNSJAJJSHSHSHSJSJDJDJSJ-

- He... AAAAAAAAA-

- I think he has never loved anyone more than you

- Maybe money

- Okay maybe not money

- He thinks you're cuter :>

- I feel as if he would kind of... well not baby you, but definitely treat you like an deer that needs help 💀

- Like, if someone (probably Houston) broke their leg, he'd literally not care at all-

- 'Walk it off, bitch-boy.'

- If you bruised your leg? He's taking care of that first

- Both bc he knows you're a civ, but also bc he doesn't want his fluffy ball of sunshine to be hurt at all :'/

- 'Alright, you just sit here, I'll get something to treat that. HOUSTON MOVE OUT THE FUCKING WAY-'

- I swear, he's just here to love you, and hate Houston 😭

[rin-and-jade]

Hiii! I hope you had a great year or at least you had fun and felt that you're alive, safe and loved :) the holydays are coming and I cant shake the feeling that I must wish you a peaceful one :'D I hate holydays :')

So. I dont know if you can remember me. Im that person who's told you about all my struggles regarding studying and having issues with controlling my attention and how I couldn't manage to pass an exam bc of my dissociation/ time processing i think a year ago i've written you that message... (I managed to pass the second one and it was great actually) but I wanted to ask you something. If you have the knowledge and/ or experience of course. At first I must point out i've been diagnosed with bpd, I dont know if this is a trait of it or if its DID... but. im having trouble with identifying whether this kind of problem is among others with DID or if Im just strictly borderline (maybe its just denial) and so. is it something thats related to bordeline if im not seeing this personalities as being "present" as I am? Like, i cant say they have ever been there at least as always as long as I am most of the time. I feel like they are always just standing behind me looking after me but at the same time letting me doing all the work. Sure. there are times when some dude is taking over to do the physical chores or the dude whos taking over just to have fun and get drunk (she's here right now cuz im tipsy and tried to "have fun") or when im in nature the hippy one comes near just to show me how important it is just being alive and appreciating nature.... but I dont feel like they are some separeted beings from me. As I was saying, they let me do all the work. I happen sometimes to have emotional amnesia and doing things without having control but they arent here! Does it make sense? Sometimes they speak to me and try to make themselves understood but only in those moments when im not aware as though they're sneaky and trying to hide from me... I doesnt seem fair, thats all.. and im really trying to make peace with them and whenever the persecutor comes into action im telling him to go fuck himself and try to be a bully with somebody else not with the persons who suffered. I mean why doesnt he try to come when we actually need him? For example when somebody is mean to us and we need to stop let ourselves be the black sheep or even when we feel verbally atacked? So im trying to get reasonable with him at that part. But there arent any signs that they really exist... they are somewhere deep I cant acces anything. And im thinking. I must have a to much active imagination. I given my sorrows and anxieties names, personalities overall. I feel guilty bc I dont want to seem like a bad person just for trying to find out what is going on in my dissociated mind (i dissociate a lot. So much that i cant understand my current life).... I dont want to seem like i pretend that I am someone or more likely somebodies that I am not.

So to summerize this: is it something common to find yourself that you lack the life activity around you of your personalities? They are only coming when its something urgent like remembering stuff at work or something that puts us in danger for not being neurotypicals, or when we need to remember what we studyied, what our names is, or how old are we (dont even get me started we sometimes guess wrong :'). ) when we have stuff to do and I feel like shit and I cant handle. What do you think? Sorry for the long message Im only trying to figure this out. Maybe you'll have a clue what im talking about because im getting the feeling that im too drunk to write concise (also this is not my first language)

Im gonna sign with two initials so you'll know from now on if we ever have other questions to ask you with L. (shes always trying to help shes the flower power one) and E. (shes just plain bold and very brave at everything she does)

Again im wishing you a wonderful day/night and a peaceful holyday (　・ω・)♡♡♡♤♤♤

Wait.. i KNOW you, it’s the brisk break method i ever told because sometimes focusing for too long depletes people’s energy faster and some other tips! Im so glad you actually passed because I’ve been sat here thinking if theres a change in your studies after seeing your ask being answered.

Would you pour me a glass too here as i say some stuffs,, also im having a great holiday, merry xmas.

I would admit that when we talk about alternate personalities between BPD and DID, its bit hard to actually discern which is which because it’s broad and everyone has it uniquely (aka will never be the same, thus cannot rule out easily) so.. hm. I have a way to explain and guide to your conclusion:

These two mental conditions fall into the same dissociative spectrum with different severity, thus why it may have similarities and could even overlap which will be harder to tell which belongs to what. That being said, the similarities with these two would be: some level of identity separation/disconnection, has normal and emotinal amnesia, automatic responses by dissociating to keep oneself from danger, and some inconsistencies with yourself.

The difference settles on the severity, how its triggered, and what related symptoms are commonly associated with the disorder.

As a bpd holder i can clearly tell apart which is from the disorder or not; you will have some sense of alternation, with this it won’t be as bad and you are aware that it’s part of you (which not always the case for did) + it doesn’t necessarily involve a shift in age, worldview or how you see yourself physically and more limited to states, percievings, and feelings. The critics are also in first-person for e.g. “this is so fricking stupid of me to say __ before, why did i do that???” That won’t apply to did.

Thats for one, though i want to keep it short so in general i want to say that bpd is from “idk which version of me is the actual me and i have a hard time finding and sticking to an authentic one” while did is “idk who i am and i thought i like this which turns out untrue after a few hours and i barely have got a sense of myself which makes me get stumped whenever i got asked something” kind of thing.

Things that are more bpd related: have struggles maintaining relations, mood swingy, fear of abandonment, emotional impermanence, anxious, very susceptible to amygdala hijacking

Things that are more did related: shifted sense of time, significant memory gaps, problems with memory consolidation and recall, frequent dissociation, feeling out of body, feeling not like yourself, inconsistent preferences

I cannot vouch if this is a yes or no about the question, coming from a system myself. So i hope you can do a bit more digging and use my insight to further help you, also feel free to contact me via DMs if it’s stull confusing. For now, i advice you to read more resources and take my words into account,

See you later!

- j

[liaswills]

What it psychologically says about you if this is ur HP comfort character:

Harry Potter: you think you can fix others. You want to almost, re-parent him by giving him love and a true friendship. You might have had issues in your own attachment with your parental figures. You feel like you're his soul-mate but actually you're just traumatized. Find help.

Ron: you need a hug. you might lack the warmth inside your own family which you'll be seeking with the Weasleys. You pull yourself down a lot, which is why you think Ron will make up for all that sad teen energy. He has the emotional range of a teaspoon, maybe you don't like showing your emotions either. But you want to have a hug.

Pansy: you have imposter syndrome. Her clothes, style, way of Life and her attitude is what attracts you like a moth to a flame. You're jealous cause you actually want to be Pansy, but you're not ready to admit it. You're traumatized, you can't be committed but you feel fear if Pansy ever were to flirt with someone else.

Hermione: you really like yourself don't you? 💀 you recognise yourself in her. Actually, that's why you like her so much cause it's just an aspect of you. You might have been bullied. Or trouble with understanding your and others' boundaries. Actually you might not step up for yourself. Do you need her to do it?

Tom Riddle: you really don't like yourself, do you? You think you can change him. You hope for the best, always. You have attachment issues. You get too close, wanna stay too close, even if they cross your boundaries. This man will ruin you and your energy. You'll hate yourself for believing you can change him cause you can't. You need to foster yourself by becoming your own parent again. Find therapy. The relationship to your Mother might be scarred.

Draco Malfoy: you have serious mommy issues. You weren't treated right by your family. Or you weren't treated right by friends. You think his behaviour is something attractive. You think you can tame the monster. You believe that. He made you believe that. You're easy to manipulate and you have main character syndrome.

One of the Weasley Twins: you have trouble making choices. You feel left out and hurt. You think their jokester energy is going to make you a badass queen/King. It won't. You also think you're special if you chose this option. You might be too horny and have a distorted image of sex. Or a virgin. You have daddy issues and want to be taken care of emotionally.

Severus snape: you don't know how to express your emotions. You actually might be neurotypical. You're an introvert, you have daddy issues. You've had to raise yourself emotionally. You're either really optimistic on life or you're as fucking depressed as he is. You don't know how to give love to yourself so u wanna try giving it to him. Goodluck...

This song is for everyone who wants to live in the UK and cuz it's a fun song love Seb:

[anaalnathrakhs]

One thing that super infuriates me is when someone makes a dumb joke post like “you know you have [disorder] when you [thing that is not exclusive to said disorder]” and then some people are like “wow that makes sense actually, maybe i should look into [disorder] more, i might have it”, AND THEN the very smart internet disorder police screenshots it and goes “omg can you believe this horrible person is claiming [thing] only ever happens to people with [disorder], and people are literally just self-diagnosis on a whim based on this callous misinformation”

The breakdown of this is:

- Dumb joke posts will not have exhaustive formulation, op has [disorder], having [disorder] influences them doing [thing] or the way they do it, because surprise, many disorders and disabilities are multi-faceted, and will affect the very way you perceive and interact with the world around you, even in the most mudane of situations. It doesn’t mean they claim it’s exclusive to [disorder] or that everyone with [disorder] does it, it means you can’t add twenty caveat footnotes to an internet shitpost.

- Self-diagnosis isn’t bad. There’s many reasons people can be unable to access diagnosis or might want to preemptively scout out what might be going on with themselves before seeking professional help, cuz we live in a sad reality where there’s bad medical professionals everywhere and you gotta be able to recognize them to get proper treatement.

- People aren’t stumbling airheads. Them looking at relatable [disorder] posts and saying they think they might have [disorder] first of all isn’t the same as straight up self-diagnosis (i think i might have =/= i know i have) and second of all doesn’t mean they’re going to stop there if they do think they have [disorder]. Someone learning about [disorder] and thinking they might have it because they relate to surface-level experiences is not a dumb idiot neurotypical who just wants to feel special, they have reasons to believe they might have a disorder, even if they do end up not having that disorder or being neurotypical in the long run. By all means, encourage researched and level-headed self-diagnosis, but you have to understand that people already DO that. And if they can’t do enough research and aren’t sure, they know and acknowledge that.

- Ok, what if they didn’t do enough research and still think they KNOW they have [disorder]? Buddy, who is this harming? What ressources are they taking away? If the techniques used to deal with [disorder] work for them, it’s a good thing! But what if they start claiming their neurotypical experience is actually part of the [disorder] experience? Buddy, even people with [disorder] can only speak for themselves. There is a wide array of symptoms and comorbid/related/etc things, each on their own spectrum of intensity, and interacting with one’s environment in different ways. No [disorder] person will ever be able to speak for all [disorder] people. You can’t judge how real someone’s disorder is based on their experiences on ONE point.

It’s a very infuriating mix of anti-self-dx and straight up mistrust in people’s ability to not go through life as stumbling toddlers that need to be guided through every thought process they have.

[siennaditbot]

How do normal people socialize?

The main tip always is to ask questions, but??

If it gets quiet I panic blank and have no idea what to ask or say

I feel like I'm prying or asking something I shouldn't

I'm afraid that I can't reply to the reply. Like, I have no idea how to console people. "My condolences" just does not come out of my mouth naturally.

Plus, I want to make sure I don't speak over anyone so I wait before I speak, but I'm often interrupted

Or people can't hear me or don't realize I'm talking to them cuz eye contact is difficult

And I feel really bad talking about my interests because barely anyone ever has shared the same interest or been willing to listen to me go on a rant about voice actors or smth dumb. I've gotten used to people not wanting to listen to me talk about stuff I like.

Is it that bad to like different kinds of art? Movies, music, comics n stuff? Yeah, I spend a lot of time in front of a screen, I'm not proud of that, but if I hear an amazing song or see an animation that makes me feel stuff, I want to show it to people! I want my mom to understand and know what I spend my time with!

But having been shunned so many times I'm scared of annoying people. When I do get excited I always go overboard (like my 'Sonic is better' rant after the Mario movie) so I get it.

My go-to when socializing is trying to find an universal experience or common interest and use it to make people laugh, or worse, make fun of myself. I feel like I have to make people laugh or they'll get bored.

Also what's with joining a group of people to talk, but then they divide into smaller groups? Joining was difficult in the first place but now I gotta do it again since the new groups formed without me!

I'm so mad at my lack of social skills. I'm an extrovert with social anxiety, yay.

Just wanted to rant and get this out of my head I guess. Kinda wondering if I can still be counted as a neurotypical person. Got a test done a while back but there wasn't anything major.

Just

Eh.

How do normal people socialize? Is this because of the internet? Why can everyone else do it? Why am I so different? Why is no one on the same wavelength with me? Why do the people who were go away? Why can't I relax and be myself and sing and dance like the others? Why do I have to struggle with stomach pains and toilet problems in sleepovers when others seem fine? HOW DO OTHERS DO THINGS THAT ARE SO DIFFICULT?!

Someone's having an absolute day.

[hecksupremechips]

God lmk when you do complain about atypical, I'm still annoyed that everyone was criticizing the show for valid reasons when it first came out but the minute a gay couple was introduced all those criticisms were forgotten about for shipping purposes😑

Yeah okay that shit is pretty lame. I’m not a believer in shit like “how DARE you like this show about autism almost solely for the gay content!” cuz I think that behavior is annoying and erases the many many queer autistic people watching the show. BUT I get being mad cuz im sure that a great many people who came for gay content were disrespectful towards the autism aspect of the show because it wasn’t as “interesting”. Though the thing is the autism portrayal is very fucking bad so I don’t think it’s worth holding on to 😵‍💫

I really couldn’t get through the whole show I watched most of the first season and that was extremely difficult akdbsk. Like first off I fucking HATE the concept of “quirky autistic boy tries to get a girlfriend” cuz that alone feels like it’s just gonna be the same shit as the big bang theory where the idea of an autistic person dating or having sex is hysterical. And while there were hints of showing how dating is very difficult when you can’t understand social cues required, for the most part the basis of the show seems like it’s made for neurotypical people

Sam (I think that’s the boys name?) is also written as the classic autistic asshole who says and does some heinous shit but its okay cuz ✨he’s autistic!✨ he doesn’t unDErstAND social cues 🤪!!! And no one ever told him to stop either, they often encouraged it. Like Sam had a crush on his therapist and couldn’t accept that she was both too old for him and had a boyfriend, so he just HAS to keep pushing. And yeah he just fucking breaks into her house to give her chocolates when she’s not there and the dad just lets him do this as if it isn’t the creepiest shit ever. Cuz see no one can ever tell Sam no cuz omg he’s autistic!!!! Of COURSE he’s an asshole cant you see that’s just how autistic people are!!!1!1!1! Autistic men are physically incapable of respecting women and also its sooooo funny to get to laugh at misogyny when it comes from a quirky guy who just doesn’t know any better!!!! Makes me see red

The big thing that really irked me about the show was the mom. Good GOD I could not stand her. She was way too overbearing and treated Sam like he was incapable of doing anything without her. Like she got super pissy when the therapist was like “yeah Sam WANTS to be more independent and we’re working on how to make that happen since he is gonna be an adult soon so it’s good for him to learn how to take care of himself” and you know this wasn’t in any way something the therapist forced into him the kid made it quite clear himself that this is what he wanted. But the mom just couldn’t handle the idea that her son wasn’t incompetent and she threw a big fucking tantrum about and even like. Tried to trigger sam into having a meltdown so she could prove he needed her. And all this shit she does was just kinda treated as haha funny the mom doesn’t like the therapist! Classic mom 🤪!!! No sir this is creepy manipulative behavior she needs to be stopped oh my godddd

Those are my main gripes as someone who only watched the first season and doesn’t remember a whole lot other than i fucking hated it lol

[ueeheeheee]

i realized just today how much the communication between my sibling and i is based off just us reciting quotes to each other (my sibling is autistic and i wonder if this is an nd thing we do)

when were just talking to each other a good amount of it is just (one of us says a funny line from something we both know) (other one either finishes/continues the quote or brings up a different tangentially relevent quote) (other one bounces off similarly with another quote etc etc)

its just like i dont know i have literally never once in my entire life actually dedicated thought to the fact that that is not how the majority people interact from what i understand. i mean ive been aware that me and my sibling interact kind of differently and i remember our parents used to say that its like we have a secret code or something cuz they barely ever understand the references we pingpong back and forth to each other, and i guess i kinda always chalked it up to us being weird and introverted and having weird introvert interests together

i actually dont know if this is normal or not btw, im sure neurotypicals do it a lot too. maybe? im just tired and thinking about how weird and kind of incredible it is that im almost constantly learning things about myself that were right under my nose

[wetslug]

when neurotypical ppl say "how are you still stressed that happened hours ago" or "nothing happened so why are you making a scene"..... godiwishthatwereme.jpg

[notabled-noodle]

So ive done some thinking about ADHD

And ik this isn't a diagnostic trait

But I've heard lots of psychologists and psychiatrists and even diagnosed people, mention how adhd people keep on making the same mistakes over and over again cuz they "forget" the outcome that they've witnessed every single time

At first when i started wondering whether i had ADHD or not, that didnt sound like me. Im an anxious person, I triple check whatever I'm gonna do before I do it . Odering food online?? I reread the ingredients and the order 4 times before pressing order. Going to use the bus? I check the time schedule over and over even tho ik i cant have seen the wrong timethe 5 times i checked and rechecked it. So basically I usually leave no room for myself to make mistakes and If i make one I take it hard and never ever make it...

Or so i thought.

The respective mistakes that I make dont affect others. Thats the difference. No one else can spot them other than me. Cuz they don't change anyone's day, mood etc

I think that some subtle mistakes that people with adhd could be repeating are:

Sleeping. Every single day, I promise myself to sleep early to atleast get 8 hours of sleep. And every single night I forget my promise and I just end up finding myself thrown in a crazy rabbit hole in the midst of the night and going to sleep real late and getting barely 5 hours of sleep. Do i understand that its a mistake? Yeah. But do I at the moment forget the outcome? Also yeah.

Doing chores such as laundry, the dishes etc. These tasks are the hell of a neurodivergent person whether its due to a sensory issue, procrastination, the task being too boring? Who knows depends on the person. Often times i find my laundry and dishes piling up and i find myself scared of begining. I make excuses, I give myself a hard time cuz if I have time for washing the dishes then I have time to work/study etc. And yet every single time when i get the motivation and energy to do the dishes...i finish quite fast?? And i always regret not washing them?? Like no matter how many times i do the dishes i always end up convincing myself its some huge hard mission that needs total focua and total lack of responsibiliies

Now Idk if all what i said makes sense. Ive barely known about adhd for a year now. I read up on it to understand a friend whom said they believed to have it..and oh god did i hesitate about it in the beginning. But I did a lot of research and ive related to lots of stuff before deciding on self diagnosing. The main problem was that my symptoms presented subtly and it was hard for me to distinguish them.

I'm sending you this long ask cuz I know how knowledgeable you are on this topic and also because I read all of your posts and find myself agreeing with them

Do you think that these traits could be associated with adhd? Also what other times do you believe people with ADHD end up forgetting about an experience they would have learned about quiet fast were they neurotypical?

yeah, this often comes down to impulsivity, short-term memory problems, and not necessarily being able to think about things in a “cause and effect” way.

the anxiety and the desire to check, double-check, and triple-check everything can come as a direct result of years of being punished for impulsivity. over time, people with ADHD can learn what actions have a negative effect on others, and alter their behaviour to suit. it can be a lot harder to do this when you’re the only one suffering the consequences — you need a lot more self-control as opposed to externally enforced rules and boundaries.

in my experience, people with ADHD seem to be fairly good at breaking things down into past self, present self, and future self. the problem is that we see the future self as a completely different person to the present self. i.e. thinking “I’ll be able to do this tomorrow”, despite having no evidence that you’ll magically be able to learn those skills in 24 hours time.

the examples you included were pretty good! other instances of this could be:

procrastinating hygiene related things, even if you have the energy to do them right now — giving your future self those responsibilities because you’d rather be doing something else right now

quitting a bad habit or starting up a new one — you may want to reduce your screen time, but right now you also really want to see that new YouTube video and oh well, might as well start being good about it tomorrow

generally building tasks up in your head to be harder than they actually are, which then causes the tasks to build up, which makes them even harder than they would’ve been if you’d just done it straight away (a vicious cycle)

in behavioural economics, you’d say that someone with ADHD has intense “future discounting”. that is, we predict that the suffering of tomorrow will be less than the suffering of today. and we also predict that the joy of today will be reduced if we saved that joy until tomorrow. it can be challenging for someone with ADHD to process the concept of “delayed gratification”, because we can’t accurately imagine the reality of our future selves.

I hope this answered your question, and that it helped!

[skopostheorie]

Seeing a lot of memes about not knowing how to express empathy without mentioning oneself when autistic/having ADHD, so I feel obligated to give advice

Coming from an autistic person who had to learn this himself! Alluding to the fact that you relate, when done in moderation, actually does wonders to make people feel more understood and less like a weirdo for what they're going through. However, there are limits - people shouldn't have to listen to someone else's stories when they're the one going through the problem. Here is how I strike the balance:

"Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. That sucks!/is great!/isn't fair at all!/etc."

[If you know they are okay with/want advice] "When I have to deal with something similar I always [XYZ], have you thought about trying that?"

[If they just want to rant] Add elaboration on their behalf and see if it makes them feel more understood. E.g. Friend: "I'm just so sick of working every day. I can't stand it." You: "Mm, yeah, that's super horrible... do you ever get that feeling of just doing stuff at night, when you know you should be sleeping, cuz it feels like it's the only time that's yours?" From here your friend might go "yes! Oh my God, I do!" or "hmm, no, I still go to sleep at a normal time." This works well because you show that you're considerate while also gaining a better understanding of the problem at hand.

Ye olde cop out: "That must be so [insert emotion you felt when a similar thing happened to you], I'm so sorry/happy for you/etc..."

"I think that's pretty common for people to go through, so I don't think it's anything to feel guilty/embarassed over" (obviously only works in contexts where the person seems self conscious about the issue)

I'm sure there's others, I'll add them if I remember anything good.

Also please know that there are a fuckton of people out there who are neurotypical who lack the ability to avoid bringing up themselves constantly. The difference is, this is usually just because they're self absorbed or insecure to the point of attention seeking, while you are (I would assume) not. This means that learning these listening skills actually makes you somewhat of a rarity as far as showing compassion goes! People will really appreciate it and remember you as a good friend who will hear them out when they need help.

[of-faunsandyellowflowers]

You ever notice how neurotypicals love to be like 'oh they dont understand cuz they have autism so we should break it down for them on a 4th grade level so they get it' as an excuse for something when we dont even say we dont understand something yet when we state 'hey I'm autistic, could you please explain?' They get REALLY upset and are like 'YOU CANT USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE JUST LOOK IT UP'

Or is that just me cuz like my mom does it ALL fhe time, especially after my diagnosis she like....assumes I dont understand anything and I mean ANYTHING so she just keeps poking at something and I gotta be like 'if I dont get something I'll tell you, you dont need to do thst like I'm a child. I'm not dumb'. But as SOON as I bring up something that my autism affects, and I explain a certain thing it's like 'you can't use that as an excuse.'

Idk yall do you think they have some sort of hero complex or something because literally EVER since my diagnosis it happens all the time where ppl talk to me as if I just wont get anything.

This happens with my adhd symptoms too actually WAY worse, especially with organizing.....

[miyosamu]

General Boyfriend HCs: Sawamura Daichi & Ushijima Wakatoshi (SFW&NSFW)

Sawamura Daichi

boyfriend of the decade

someone quickly give him the award

daichi can do no wrong

ever

he’s the perfect boyfriend

the perfect mix of loving & chaotic

daichi is always seen as the stable pillar of the team

the one who holds everything together

his role as a captain has instilled in him the skill of handling responsibility with ease

his wide shoulders were a source of comfort and security for everyone who looked towards him

including you

h o w e v e r

there are three (3) people who always managed to get daichi out of his little shell of utter calmness & sense, in order to get him to act a little more his age once in a while

to have fun and really let loose

and those people were: kuroo, bokuto, and you.

you were one of the few people who got him to act more childish and joke around more often

daichi is mischievous af and it’s endearing 

his scheming grin is super sexy 

everyone assumes that daichi’s super hard to rope into pranks and “youth induced dumb decisions” but that’s actually wrong

midnight adventures are his thing

now, daichi tries to be responsible he really does

for example, going to McDonald’s at 3am to buy 20 piece chicken nuggets and 2 large fries to go, and then proceed to eat it by the beach on a school night?

not a smart decision 

at all

and daichi knows that

is it gonna stop him though?

no

it won't 

he has impulsive moments like these and he always takes you with him

you’re a package deal now 

whatever he does, you do

whatever you do, he does

i mean what are you gonna do? let the other make stupid decisions on their own?

no!!

you join them!!

daichi comes from a big friendly family

he grew up with a loving mother

and has little siblings who absolutely adore him and always cling to him

so he’s subconsciously very veRY touchy with the people he’s close with

physical affection galore

small little touches !!

big meaningful gestures !!

daichi provides it all

he loves to hold your hand

it just makes him feel nice and close to you in the most innocent way

it’s so sweet

sawamura’s a big fan of the innocent forms of intimacy

hand holding, forehead kisses, brushing noses, kissing palms

he’s a sweet sweet man please i’m swooning

daichi gives the best hugs hands down

he’s always just the right amount of warm and his grip is always just the right amount of tight

his hugs always feel like he’s shielding you from the rest of the world

he loves long hugs

he loves holding you and just rocking gently side to side

daichi loves the sense of serenity it provides

long hugs like those always feel like you’ve effectively shut out the rest of the world and now it’s just you two

daichi is peak gentleman

he’s so sweet

and generally, that sweetness also extends to the bedroom

he’s big on giving praise and body worship is 100% his thing

daichi would love every inch of you

daichi takes his sweet time during foreplay

it can get frustrating sometimes when you’re really really needy but he doesn’t budge unless you really start begging for it

he prefers to take his time with you

loving every inch of you slowly and carefully

thigh riding

t h i g h riding

daichi will have you ride his thigh and will keep praising you during it

telling you how petty you look all disheveled and coming undone on his thigh alone

daichi wouldn’t be opposed to riding your thighs either

he’s a simple man who loves pleasure

like to try giving and receiving everything

when daichi bottoms he gets loud and whimpers a lot it’s so fucking sexy

daichi thrusts s l o w

he thrusts slow and deep and as much as it can be frustrating it feels so fucking good

the slow pull

the pleasurable burn

the way you can feel every inch of carefully entering you

it’s deliciously torturous and daichi lives for it

Ushijima Waktoshi

this will be significantly shorter than daichi’s because i recently wrote a similar ushijima imagine which you can read over here !! but i’ll add a few more here cuz why not

after really long days where all of ushi’s muscles are sore and he’s thoroughly exhausted, he always looks forward to spending his night with you

he specifically looks forward to resting his head on your lap by the end of the day while you run your fingers through his hair

it always makes him feel like he’s floating when you do that

more than his cheeks, his ears are usually the ones painted red when he’s blushing

it’s a dead giveaway and it’s so adorable

when you softly kiss him out of nowhere and take him by surprise his face will look as normal as ever but then you just see his ears and they’re sO RED

listen

ushijima, more or less, is aware he’s “a catch” as tendou put it

he knows he’s handsome and well built and that people find him attractive

he knows that because people tell him that all the time

so, physically speaking he has nothing to worry about

no insecurities so to say

personality wise though

that’s a whole other thing

he has a lot of concerns there

he’s not the best at conveying things

communication isn’t his strong suit

he’s just blunt

in everything

that’s the only thing he knows

he isn’t a jealous person pre say

but sometimes

just sometimes

when he catches you laughing hard with other people

when he sees you having fun with someone who shares the same type of humor you do

who understands vocal undertones and sarcasm and all those nuances that come in conversations

he sometimes wonders if you’d be better off with someone more neurotypical

and as a straight forward person, ushijima actually tells you that

and you’d have to reassure him that you don’t need anyone else and that you like every awkward bit of him

it eases his heart

he’s a soft boi

who loves kisses a lot

i know i said this in my previous post but he really does love kisses

kiss him you coward

[androgynousblackbox]

Hello,so my life has been overwhelming so I just want to vent, I am have a mental illness which makes me "act dumb"(all I will tell you) unknowingly which I received from my trauma when I was a little girl,my illness caused me to be ignored, gossiped and not have friends for most of my years in school which of course made me depressed.

But my parents transferred me over to boarding school lately and I met some other girls who are trying to "change" me and who tell me that my illness is all in my head,though we had a few good times as friends sometimes I kind of think to myself whether they actually are my friends cuz they scream and throw things at me anytime my illness acts up, they can sometimes be biased like they tell me I'm rude and I apologize cuz I may be rude without realizing it but they always talk rudely to me

And they can also be insultive at times like saying I can never expect to find a guy that actually likes me if I go on like this(cuz all the guys at my school are disgusted with the idea that I might have a crush on any of them because of how I behave) and on cases where they might misjudge me they don't really allow me to explain my side of the story properly despite the fact I told them already about my speech issues

I even had to go to an adult/teacher and tell her what I'm going through but lately she's been finding excuses to keep me from seeing her and told me the reason she doesn't allow me to see her is because she thinks my mental state is all in my head and I'm not trying hard enough to "change" myself

I really wish I wasn't a sexual abuse victim at the age of 5 so I won't going through this cuz I'm just a 15 yr old and I'm supposed to be joyful, happy and enjoying my childhood not cutting myself and being depressed, even my parents are kinda disappointed in me because of my illness. I know the long story I just told you might not surprise you cuz it's just the basic life of a neurodivergent youth living in an African country/ a country that doesn't really recognize mental health and illness

I really think that they might be good friends cuz we play together sometimes but I don't think they realize how much they're damaging me especially my mental health cuz I've been harming myself lately but the thing is despite the fact I've told them about my suicidal state they still do what they do to me (though at times I'm not sure they realize what they're doing) I might also not be able to judge the situation because of my illness,so what do you think I should do about my friends?

First of all, I am so sorry you went through that. You are clearly going through a very hard time and nobody deserves any kind of friends that treats them like that. But it's very easy to say "dump them" without realizing that how hard that must be for you. So yeah, absolutely dump those asses because no fucking friend ever should treat you like that, but since you do have access to the internet, I absolutely encourage you to find groups of people who have your same mental illness or same struggles. Even if they are entirely virtual, form bridges with other people who understand what you are going through and to whom you don't have to pretend to be neurotypical just to fit in. Use whatever platform it's more comfortable for you, but find those people and make your own support system. You can enjoy being young and having fun without those people who would rather you change and conform. You just need to find them. Also, as a side note, that teacher is a fucking dick and she can fuck off. "Your mental state is all on your head", as opposed to where? On your fucking shoe? That kind of shit is really irritating to hear and, again, I am so sorry it came from an adult you actually trust in because you didn't deserved that kind of response at all. Please, seek other people who will understand you. Search for hotlines on your country for when you go through a crisis and confide on people who do deserve you.