#cw mentions of suicide

[falconearring]

Hey hey! Thanks for your patience. Very happy with the results of these pages.

I spent some extra time cleaning up the links between each post! I also did up a comprehensive content warning list for the first part, just so people can get an idea before they start reading. Everything will still be tagged in accord to what specifically appears in each grouping of pages.

New changes presentation wise as well. Overall I'm just trying to keep everything cleaner and spend the extra time to add more detail. Thanks for reading. <3

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[gali-in-distress]

Like Minds: Supernatural Elements AU

Heavily inspired by @currentlyonstandbi and @laurelwen tags, featuring Nigel playing the violin (although I got almost completely derailed from the original idea)

Check the tags for content warnings!

Alex keeps hearing the sound of a violin in a particularly empty hallway of his school. No one else seems to have noticed it aside from him. One day he goes there after class and he meets a pale thin boy playing the violin. He asks him what's his name and what is he doing there so late and all alone. He never gets a straight answer from him, the boy talks in riddles. He's always wearing an old version of the school's uniform, one Alex has only seen in pictures and for some reason he keeps calling him "Jack" even after he insists that his name is Alex.

He asks around and no one knows the boy, he doesn't seem to have any friends either. Alex keeps going there almost every night all by himself, sometimes the boy plays the violin for him, he knows all the classics and he asks Alex for his favorites too. Alex tries to go there with someone else, brings Eric with him one afternoon and for the first time his new friend isn't there to meet him. Eric makes fun of him for it and tells him to stop talking to his stupid imaginary boyfriend.

Eric dies in a weird accident not long after that.

Alex finally manages to get the name out of his friend, he says his name is Nigel, but that he must not tell anyone, it's a secret. Nigel talks a lot about secrets, he doesn't like people knowing that him and "Jack" are seeing each other. Alex is a little afraid of him, to be honest, but he never stops visiting and he doesn't try to make Nigel call him anything other than "Jack", either, not any more.

One day Alex gets in trouble, as he often does these days and he gets tasked with going through some of the school's old files as a punishment, they want to have all the records in digital format. He's been surveying through tons of paper and dust for hours when he finds an old yearbook that draws his attention. In there he sees Nigel's picture along with the last name "Colbie". In the cover says it's from the year 1975.

He freaks out, drops the yearbook but he needs to KNOW. So he picks it up again and goes through the whole thing until he sees a particular page solely dedicated to Nigel. It's a tribute, he realizes, the entire page is filed with signs from students and teachers, under Nigel's photo it has a passage from the bible and in cursive letters the sentence "in loving memory of Nigel Colbie".

He doesn't go visit Nigel that afternoon, he's too freaked out and he knows he won't give him the answers he needs. Instead he asked for computer hours and goes through the web. He types "Nigel Colbie 1975" and some other combinations including the name of the school. What he finds chills him to the bone.

"Almost three decades after the tragedy: the 17 year old student who took his own life after allegedly committing a passionate crime" reads the headline. Alex clicks on it and starts reading. There he finds that in the spring of 1975, the boy named Nigel Colbie allegedly murdered the student he shared a room with and a few hours later committed suicide in one of the hallways in the east wing of the building, using the same shotgun with which he had shot the boy. Along with his body they had found his violin and a king of hearts card with a sentence written on it "We will be united". It was presumed that Nigel and the boy had been romantically involved, but nothing had ever been confirmed.

Alex was confused to say the least. And he wondered who the other boy was, since he hadn't seen any pictures of him in the yearbook or any memorial in his name, which he considered to be odd, given that he had also been a student there. He scrolled down the article until he found the information for the other boy.

His name was Jack.

And in his picture he looks just like Alex.

[earisu1]

Bad Ending vs. Good Ending

Original date of the post: 29 of January, 2008. Disclaimer: writtings originally belong to PokerNemesis.

The “good ending” of Rule of Rose is for Jennifer to reach the “Once Upon A Time” chapter. It occurs as a consequence of Jennifer giving the gun to Gregory during the latter half of the Stray Dog boss-battle.

After Jennifer gives the gun to Gregory, and he shoots himself, Jennifer and Brown run out through the front gate of the orphanage and together enter into a bright light that expands from the center of the screen to the edges of the screen. This is the game-transition to the “Once Upon A Time” chapter. See the YouTube video of the good-ending-transition.

The “bad ending” occurs as a consequence of Jennifer herself killing Gregory. See the YouTube video of the “bad ending“. At the time of Gregory’s death, in the bad ending, Brown barks at Gregory and the screen goes black by means of a black circle closing in from the edges of the screen. This is a way of ending a scene known in cinematic terms as “iris in”. According to “The Classical Hollywood Cinema: Film Style and Mode of Production to 1960“, by David Bordwell, Janet Staiger, and Kristen Thompson:

From 1917 to 1921, fade-ins and -outs and iris-ins and -outs were the most common optical transitions between scenes. Between 1921 and 1928, the iris fell into disuse, replaced by the fade as the most common transition.

The good-ending-transition involves an iris-out of light. The bad-ending involves an iris-in of blackness.

After the screen goes black, in the bad ending, narration appears on the screen that says (with the sound of Joshua’s maniacal laughter in the background):

And that is how the girl wound up all alone again. She couldn’t keep her promise, nor could she save anyone. What a pitiful, unlucky girl.

The repercussions of Jennifer’s failure to reach the “Once Upon A Time” chapter are:

1. Jennifer is “all alone again”.

2. Jennifer can’t “keep her promise”.

3. Jennifer can’t “save anyone”.

The implication is that if Jennifer DOES reach the “Once Upon A Time” chapter, then she:

1. Is no longer all alone.

2. Can keep her promise.

3. Can save one or more.

Is there a way to make sense of these three implications in terms of what occurs in the “Once Upon A Time” chapter?

I believe that there is.

In the “Once Upon A Time” chapter, Jennifer, for the first time, recounts to us some of her memories of her life at the orphanage.

I think that the purpose of Jennifer’s dream was to get her to regain (by accepting) her repressed memories of her life at the orphanage and the people (and pet dog) that she knew there.

If Jennifer doesn’t accept these memories, the people of the orphanage, and Brown, who have reappeared in her dream, disappear again from her life. And in that sense, Jennifer becomes “all alone again”.

If Jennifer doesn’t accept her memories, she can’t keep her promise of “everlasting true love”, because she can only love if she remembers.

And who will remember the orphans, or Brown, if Jennifer does not? They all disappear as if they never existed, unless Jennifer saves the memory of them in her own heart. Only in that way can any of them be saved.

This interpretation of the purpose of Jennifer’s dream is, I think, supported by Jennifer’s own words when she says (at the gate of the orphanage in the “Once Upon A Time” chapter):

“I’m sorry everyone. You don’t deserve to be forgotten… But I’ll remember you. Thank you all for the precious memories.”

This interpretation of the purpose of Jennifer’s dream also fits with what I proposed in my post “The Stray Dog Boss-battle Mystery (Part 2)“:

What Wendy said to Jennifer (”Because you wouldn’t love me… because you were so stubborn… I brought you here”) is not a memory re-emerging from Jennifer’s forgotten past. I don’t think that Wendy ever actually said that to Jennifer during the orphanage massacre. Rather, I think it is Jennifer’s dreaming mind, represented by Wendy (and also speaking on behalf of Jennifer’s blocked memory of Wendy), that is talking to Jennifer’s conscious mind in her dream, explaining the dream to her. Explaining to Jennifer why it is that she is having the dream.

Following the orphanage massacre, Jennifer apparently blocked off all of her memories of the orphanage, and all of her memories of Wendy and the other orphans. I think that Jennifer’s refusal to remember those times (and the people of those times) is the stubbornness that Wendy is referring to. And Jennifer can’t love Wendy, or treasure anything from those times, if she won’t remember.

To fully support the proposed interpretations of the good and bad endings that I have presented in this post, there is something else that I must do. I must explain how it is that Jennifer’s handing over of the gun to Gregory relates to Jennifer accepting her memories. Because this is the act that allows her to reach the “Once Upon A Time” chapter. I will deal with this topic in my upcoming “The Stray Dog Boss-battle Mystery” series of posts."

[stitch1830]

This is a sensitive topic but what if Lin actually h4rmed herself starting at a young age? How would Toph or the other gaang members react if they found out? How would Su react?

What if she actually tried to t4ke her own l!fe and was saved by her mom or sister or gaang member just before she went through with it?

Sorry this is a sensitive topic but I feel like all the beifong ladies went through dark thoughts at some point

Hi Anon, thank you for the ask, and your patience! Happy to chat about headcanons with ya, it's certainly been a hot minute since I've responded to headcanons and questions...

Anyway, here we go!

Content Warning: Self-harm and mentions of suicide.

While I don't normally HC that Lin would self-harm, I would say that canon does provide some dark content to work with.

I would say it depends on how young she would self-harm; even though Lin's childhood was tough, I always feel like things went downhill when Lin was an adult.

But let's say she did self-harm at a young age. I think Toph would notice that something is up with Lin, and being the optimistic Beifong-loving alien that I am, I would say Toph and friends and family immediately try to help. It would shatter Toph to know Lin's feeling bad and would resort to self-harm. For the other Gaang members, I think they would feel terrible for missing the signs with Lin, and then they would want to help Toph as well. They see how broken up she is about this, and they wish there was something more they could do to make Toph feel okay with this news.

With Su, I think she'd look up to her older sister, and learning that Lin has been struggling with mental health would definitely worry moving forward. She'd see her older sister differently, perhaps would make her feel she had to protect Lin from other bad stuff. It would feel like she's adding more burdens to Lin, and she doesn't want to add to it.

If Lin was older and reached a point where she attempted to take her life, I think it would rattle everyone. I just know that Toph and Su and the Gaang can't imagine life without Lin, and after a scare like this, it's very apparent to them now.

I agree that the Beifong family had tough experiences to work through, though I'll admit that I typically keep all my headcanons happier and fun. But it is interesting to think about how these characters would react to tough situations.

But yeah! Those are my general thoughts on the situation. If you have any follow-ups, let me know! Though I do think there may be some asks from back in the day that talk about similar subject. Still, happy to chat if you have any questions :)

Thanks for sending in this ask, though! Hope you have a great day!

......

Send me asks about ATLA, LOK, or anything, really! :D

[cocolacola]

whoever thought of that idea of ending sylvanas' plotline in SL with her JUMPING OFF OF AN EDGE into the maw to face her punishment... needs to be hit with a rock. that is inexcusable

[yamishika]

Another One Gone

He lost another.

Just like that.

TW: Mentions of Suicide, Gore & Graphic Descriptions 

He came running.

He came running as soon as he heard the shot.

Any thought that could have existed in his mind prior to that moment was replaced with a rush and the echoing scream of his brother’s name that burst from his lips. The sound of the shot chilled his blood instantly. And he just came running as fast as his little legs could carry him.

He rammed the door open with such force as if he intended to break it, not knowing what scene awaited him when everything would be revealed. All he knew was that he heard the shot come from this room, the room his brother told him he wanted to sleep in.

But that’s not what he found.

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

On the walls, on the bed, on the floor. There was so much red. And more just kept being added as time dragged on. He went completely still as his mind struggled the process the nightmarish sight.

It wasn’t even a few minutes ago he had left, and now it all looked like this.

His quivering lips failed to close as he uncomfortably focused on the slumped body on the bed. There was a rifle nearby, looking to have been propped up once, yet now it hung in balance on the side of the bed, with only a limp, pale hand faintly holding its trigger as support.

His eyes stared at the pale hand holding the rifle, already seeing the once creamy light-toned skin dulling into something morbid. His glazing sight didn’t wish to move from this, almost as if it protected his young mind from the further horror to be revealed.

But when the raw stench of the room struck his senses, he was brought back to process the rest of the details of this nightmare that were becoming clear to him.

That body on the bed, soaked with blood and having it pool underneath, was his brother’s. His second eldest brother. Who he now realised did not even have a head.

It was gone.

The majority of it was missing.

Only the remnants of his jaw could be made out; otherwise, everything else was not there.

But soon, even that corrected in his mind as he came to realise the thicker chunks stuck on the walls and that had fallen onto the floor were indeed him.

His brother.

Pieces of him could be found splattered nearby, and the boy didn’t know how to comprehend that sight. All he could do was shakenly stare at the splattered gore as his sharp eyes blurred over on their own.

He was whole when he had seen him last, and that wasn’t even that long ago. He was drained and had been in a state, but he had been breathing in one piece. How could he come back to see him like this? Why did he come back to see him like this?

He told him he was sorry and that he wanted to rest.

Was this what he meant?

Did he not want to be left alone to sleep?

Did he want to do this?

Why?

His tight chest took a sparse breath in, trying to relieve the heaviness within, but that only made the raw stench in his senses ripen. He could feel himself getting nauseous. There was so much red. And so many tones and thicknesses of it too. It was sickening.

His eyes unwillingly followed the sight of where blood sprayed from profusely. He watched as the sheets continued to darken with the sanguine stain, completely dyeing the fabrics with deepening crimson, which then dripped onto the floor and stained that plentifully as well.

It was then, a new sight was added to this nightmare.

One that he was sure would become another image burned into his brain and haunt him for time to come.

In a pooling mass of gore, he spotted something.

It was something still intact.

An eye.

One of the eyes of his brother.

The hazel-brown one.

The eye that was coloured just like his own, but now it was blood-stained and detached from where he last saw it to be.

He stared at it, and it was almost like it was staring at him back. That was impossible, yet seeing his brother’s eye like that, blown out of his face, shook him in a way he wasn’t ready for.

It looked sad.

Lonely.

Pleading.

Desperate.

It was as if the final emotions in his’s brother’s mind were encapsulated in the sight of that lone eye.

From seeing that, he felt his vision start to get blurrier.

Tears slowly dripped down his rigid cold face, but no sounds came from the boy’s lips. He simply stared at the lone eye, cruelly focused on the state it was in, frozen in time. He refused to move from there after that as if he was caught in an unforgiving trance while looking at what his brother once possessed.

He couldn’t even tell if he had blinked since he busted in. All his eyes just saw were red. All his mind just saw was red. Even as his eyes glazed over and stung by his lining tears, the sight of his brother’s corpse and that all around him remained clear in his head. All he could see was him.

What he once was.

And what he had become.

Time became a forgotten thing. He didn’t know what passed as he stood still, witnessing the corpse ripen, and the blood flow decrease. The only thing that told him he was still in the present was their father soon came rushing to the room, shoving him aside before he, too, bear witness to the nightmare.

And he also became still.

Because just like that,

Another son was gone.

Because just like that,

Another brother was gone.

He was dead.

Not even a year had passed,

And he had left too...

[cats-coffee-castiel]

Day #2: Beach

For the @deancaskiss Summer Drabble Challenge

2 - Beach

The lake. People at the library are always talking about the lake. Jesus Christ himself fished in a lake and baptized and walked upon a lake, Castiel thinks, but it must not have been anymore sacred than the damned lake his coworkers keep harping on about.

It is not Kelly’s lake, after all.

Jack hears about the lake anyway. His friends at school go there on weekends. Then Dean mentions that yeah, Jake at the garage has a house down there that they rent out for a little extra cash.

“We should go some time.”

Castiel’s two beloveds agree. He winces and nods and they plan for the following Saturday. It’s only a day.

The lake has a little beach: the ocean in minutiae with thick manmade sand and clear, waveless water. It reminds Castiel of the first sea of creation from which that famous fish had slumped its way into history. Jack wriggles out from between he and Dean, his skin slick with sunscreen, and he rushes into the water with a giggle of delight and a grin fit to shame the sun.

“I can make a sandcastle!” he shrieks.

“I can have a beer,” Dean says, popping open his folding chair and slinging down the cooler.

“Mmm,” grunts Castiel noncommittally. He gathers his arms up around his body, shoulders hunched beneath the merry sun.

Dean turns to him. His face is heavily shaded beneath his sunglasses and his Chevrolet baseball cap, but still Castiel can see his frown and the worried dip in his soul.

“Something wrong, buddy? You get carsick on the drive?” he asks, glancing over the rim of his shades.

Castiel rushes to correct his face and settles for a sigh.

“No.”

Dean makes a displeased noise but doesn’t look away. Farther down the shore, Jack is wading into the water, splashing. A little family nearby is blasting country music from a speaker. Only Dean should hear him. He tries again:

“It’s just – Kelly’s house. Our house- ” he hesitates, feeling the way the wrong-right phrase conflicts on his tongue. “It was on a lake. I spent many months there. I died there. Jack was born there. I wasn’t sure…how I would feel, being near one again.”

It’s only a body of water, he thinks. It has no thoughts. No sense of meaning. He feels silly at once for bringing it up, especially in the face of Dean’s silence beneath the hat and sunglasses. They were trying to have a nice day, there’s no need for him to –

“I know.”

Dean reaches up, slips the sunglasses off his face and tucks them in the collar of his shirt. He stares out across the crystalline water as the summer sunlight dances on its undulating surface. His jaw is tight, too still and somber for the jovial toasted day.

“It was one of the worst days of my life. Losing you. Losing mom. Gettin’ Jack but not knowing who the hell he was. Building that pyre. And that fucking lake in the background of it all. I wanted to walk into that lake and let it drown me.”

He blinks hard, rubs a sweaty knuckle against his face. Castiel stares at him. The gaping-wound grief of the memory is born in the colors of Dean’s soul but well hidden by his face. Castiel feels the clawing of it as acutely as if it were his own.

“Dean – we…we didn’t have to come to the lake. I thought you wanted – “ he falters, stuttering. Suddenly the sun is beating on his skin and the salt-fish reek of the air crams itself into his nostrils, overbearing.

Dean looks down, shakes his head, and finally turns so that Castiel can meet his eyes. He’s squinting in the glare and his age is on him, so human.

“Nah. I did. I do, really. Always wanted to go to beaches as a kid. Never thought I’d get to do it with my own family, to be honest. Especially after all that. Besides, this lake doesn’t feel the same. Not with you and Jack here.”

Dean smiles, tiny, imperceptible to most, but the great knot of dread coiling in Castiel’s chest loosens. Dean is right, really. This lake is not the same at all. The trees are beech, not conifer, and the waters are crammed with bass and trout. Down the shoreline, Jack has made his way into the water up to his thighs and he skims the glimmering surface with his fingertips, mouth hung open in awed joy.

Kelly’s lake had not had a beach.

[superherokisser]

cw/tw mentions of suicide also kms joke

i would kill myself already but it would be cringe to die before my grandma passes and before spider-man into the spidverse part 2 comes out

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[sillycathorrors]

VENT!! cw: sh, mentions of attempted suicide

a lot of my scars have begun to fade and while i never really liked them (bright fucking red ah things) it feels a bit like im losing what is left of the night i tried to off myself. there used to be about 20 on my left arm and 30 on my right, and now most have paled to white or i can barely see them at all. i dont WANT to be reminded of that night but its sort of a confirmation that it happened and that it wasnt nothing and i dont want to loose that or forget that no matter how uncomfortable it makes me when my parents or a friend points out the scars. and honestly most are still visible its just really the idea that theyre all fading away when i thought theyd be around a lot longer. i dont know its weird that i dont want to loose the same scars that make me uncomfortable anytime theyre brought up. theyre healed fine its just i dont like when my parents acknowledge it

[disco-asphodel]

realtalk but when i see dudes on steam or ppl on tumblr talking about how disco elysium made them feel pathetic and uncomfortable i just. i don’t know. i cannot relate to that at all. disco elysium is about an alcoholic amnesiac poet in love with a dying city who loves him back. if i had never been an alcoholic, if i had never been suicidally depressed, maybe i would think the world of disco elysium is a bleak one. but when you know what it’s like to go through that darkness and come out of it again? to fall back in love with a world that almost destroyed you? disco elysium is the most hopeful story imaginable. it sees the world for what it is and holds nothing back, none of the horror, none of the wonder, none of the love…

something about art comforting the disturbed and disturbing the comfortable i dunno

[toboldlymuppet]

broken but not destroyed

WHAT A DISAPPOINTING AND HEARTBREAKING FINALE? To have the man who was abused, mutilated, and disabled for protecting the crew, to have a suicide attempt survivor who crawled on the ground, to have someone who battled depression and alcoholism, to cement his role as the 'Ship's Unicorn" (the figurehead that protected the crew) only to reduce him as someone who "had to die" because he had no more narrative feeling, what a slap to the face. DJenkins said he didn't want to fall back into old tropes and burying your gays, but there's an elder disabled queer man you just buried for what, to absolve Ed of his abuse? Izzy died thinking he DESERVED the torture done upon him. What a disgrace. Izzy fans rallied and kickstarted a S3 renewal Campaign. And many of us are heartbroken and grieving for a show who promised kindness but only justified the abuse we've gotten the past months? We stayed and hoped better because of kindness and belonging. "This show is kind" has never rang more hollow. I'll still love and create art for him, but I don't think I can trust any other queer show again. I thought this would be different. Do you want a queer show full of kindness and found family, for all queers, the disabled and survivors and the rough around the edges ones? It's not Our Flag Means Death.

[earisu1]

The Stray Dog Boss-battle Mystery (parts 1, 2, 3 & 4)

Original dates of the posts: 14, 15, 30 & 31 of January, 2008.

Disclaimer: writtings originally belong to PokerNemesis.

Part 1

The final boss-battle of the Rule of Rose game is the Stray Dog boss-battle. The setting of this boss-battle is the orphanage massacre, of which Jennifer was the only survivor.

I tend to think of the story of the Rule of Rose game as Jennifer’s dream. The content of her dream is based on memories of her forgotten past that are re-emerging, but these memories are re-emerging in a way that is often very distorted by her dreaming-mind: distorted by fantasy, distorted by some remaining memory blocks, distorted by wish-fulfillment, etc.

How much of what we see, in the game, of the incidents associated with the orphanage massacre are likely to be a true representation of what actually occurred in Jennifer’s forgotten past? And how much is false, a distortion of the actual event from Jennifer’s past?

For instance, in the midst of the Stray Dog boss-battle, Jennifer’s pet dog Brown, killed previously, joins in to help Jennifer fight Stray Dog. Are we to believe that this really happened? Or is it just a case of wish-fulfillment on the part of Jennifer’s dreaming mind?

And if Brown couldn’t have been present at the orphanage massacre, is it likely that Wendy ever said the following to Jennifer?

“Only you and your beloved dog can stop him.”

That line seems to me to be a bit of wish-fulfillment fantasy on the part of Jennifer. Jennifer wishes that Wendy had finally come to accept Brown. So Jennifer dreamed that Wendy said that, even though Wendy never actually did say that. Brown wasn’t there. Brown was dead.

And how likely can it really be that little Jennifer ever survived a physical battle with Gregory? Isn’t it more likely that this is just more fantasy by Jennifer’s dreaming-mind?

In my post “The Hoffman Boss-battle Mystery (Part 1)“, I suggested that Jennifer’s dreaming mind might have transformed her memories of an encounter with Hoffman, where she quibbled and apologized to avoid a spanking, into a false memory of a physical battle with him. Could it be that Jennifer similarly distorted the events of the orphanage massacre?"

Part 2

During an interlude in Rule of Rose’s Stray Dog boss-battle, Wendy, dressed as Joshua, says the following to Jennifer, just before she reveals her true identity to Jennifer:

“Because you wouldn’t love me… because you were so stubborn… I brought you here.”

When she says, “I brought you here,” what does Wendy mean by this?

Can Wendy be referring to the time that she rescued Jennifer from Gregory’s cellar… resulting in Jennifer coming to live at the orphanage?

No, I don’t think that it fits.

Just before Wendy rescued Jennifer, they exchanged the following letters:

20 January

From W to J

My Prince, Please don’t worry. I’ll do anything for you. Just… pledge your love for me. That’s all I ask.

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

24 January

From J to W

I, Jennifer, pledge to the fair Princess Wendy:

Everlasting

True love

I am yours

(“Once Upon a Time”, Sickroom, by the lamp)

~~~

27 January

From W to J

Tomorrow night, I shall unlock your shackles. Let us live together forever.

everlasting

true love

i am yours

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

So Wendy’s statement that “because you wouldn’t love me… because you were so stubborn… I brought you here,” doesn’t fit as a description of Wendy’s rescue of Jennifer from Gregory’s cellar.

So what is Wendy referring to?

Wendy must, I think, be referring to the beginning of the Rule of Rose game when she appeared, as Joshua, to Jennifer on the bus, and Jennifer followed her to the orphanage.

Does this fit? I think so.

Following the orphanage massacre, Jennifer apparently blocked off all of her memories of the orphanage, and all of her memories of Wendy and the other orphans. I think that Jennifer’s refusal to remember those times (and the people of those times) is the stubbornness that Wendy is referring to. And Jennifer can’t love Wendy, or treasure anything from those times, if she won’t remember.

In some respects, this aspect of the Rule of Rose game seems a bit like a ghost story, with the ghost of Wendy luring Jennifer to the orphanage. But I think that it also works fine if Jennifer is dreaming (which is the interpretation that I prefer). Jennifer is blocking her memories with one part of her mind, but another part of her mind (represented here by Wendy) wants to re-connect with those memories.

In a previous post, “The Storybooks Mystery (Part 1)”, I mentioned other times that the part of Jennifer’s mind that wants her to remember speaks to her through various orphans:

In “The Bird of Happiness” chapter, Eleanor says to Jennifer (at the beginning of the chapter), “Have you found what you’re looking for? Something dear to you?”

In the “Mermaid Princess” chapter, Diana says to Jennifer (at the beginning of the chapter), “You should be looking for your own precious thing.”

In “The Goat Sisters” chapter, Meg says to Jennifer (at the beginning of the chapter), “There must be something very important to you… why don’t you go find it?”

What Wendy said to Jennifer (”Because you wouldn’t love me… because you were so stubborn… I brought you here”) is not a memory re-emerging from Jennifer’s forgotten past. I don’t think that Wendy ever actually said that to Jennifer during the orphanage massacre. Rather, I think it is Jennifer’s dreaming mind, represented by Wendy (and also speaking on behalf of Jennifer’s blocked memory of Wendy), that is talking to Jennifer’s conscious mind in her dream, explaining the dream to her. Explaining to Jennifer why it is that she is having the dream.

That’s what I think. What do you think?"

Part 3

How is it that a player of the Rule of Rose game is supposed to figure out that Jennifer needs to give the gun to Gregory in order to get the good ending?

Game-players wouldn’t normally think that they are supposed to intentionally arm a “boss” with a weapon in the midst of a boss-battle, rather than kill that “boss”.

And from the standpoint of the story itself, why would a young girl-child choose to give a loaded gun to a man who is acting crazy, who has just slaughtered all of her friends, and who has been spending the past few minutes trying very hard to murder her?

Why did the makers of Rule of Rose choose to design the game so that the way to get the good ending is to have Jennifer give the gun to Gregory (Stray Dog)?

I think that there are two clues in the game by which game-players (and Jennifer) are supposed to know to give the gun to Gregory. If you know of any others, please let me know in the comments.

One clue comes from Bucket Knight at the beginning of the chapter: “Do not be ruled by falsehood. That’s your only clue.”

Another clue came earlier in the game, in a newspaper article found in the Smoking Room of the airship:

20 December 1930

Jennifer killing Gregory in the boss-battle would contradict the newspaper article, which said that Gregory shot himself. This would amount to Jennifer violating Bucket Knight’s admonition, “Do not be ruled by falsehood.” Jennifer must accept her true memories of the past. She didn’t kill Gregory. Therefore the game-player, and Jennifer, must accept that and make it possible for Gregory to shoot himself. And this means giving him the gun.

A tragic multiple homicide has occurred at an orphanage in Cardington resulting in the deaths of all the children housed there.

Among the dead was one adult, Gregory M. Wilson, a local resident.

Analysis of the crime scene suggests that Wilson shot himself with a pistol.

Police have identified him as their prime suspect in the murders of the children.

(Smoking Room, newspaper)

But this is a motive for Jennifer to give Gregory the gun in Jennifer’s dream, it ISN’T, however, a motive for Jennifer to have given Gregory the gun during the actual massacre that occurred in her forgotten past. That would have been a rather crazy thing for Jennifer to have done, it seems to me.

Did Jennifer really give the gun to Gregory at the time of the actual massacre?

Tied into that question is another question: Did Wendy really give the gun to Jennifer at the time of the actual massacre?

Or was Jennifer “ruled by falsehood” throughout the Stray Dog boss-battle portion of her dream, dreaming a false version of events until the very end, when she allows Gregory to shoot himself, and she thereby chooses to accept her true memories of the past?

I will address these questions as I continue “The Stray Dog Boss-battle Mystery” series of posts."

Part 4

At the beginning of the “Stray Dog and the Lying Princess” chapter, which is the chapter of the Stray Dog boss-battle in Rule of Rose, Bucket Knight has the following clue for Jennifer: “Do not be ruled by falsehood.”

But did Jennifer fail to follow the admonition to not be ruled by falsehood as she dreamed the Stray Dog boss-battle?

Let’s for a moment look at the Stray Dog boss-battle in the light of the Hoffman boss-battle. In my post, “The Hoffman Boss-battle Mystery (Part 1)“, I suggested that the Hoffman boss-battle might have been, at least in part, a huge fantasy-distortion of an argument that occurred between Hoffman and Jennifer, which Hoffman wrote about in his diary entry of 12 April. Could Jennifer’s dream version of the orphanage massacre (the Stray Dog boss-battle) also be, like her dream version of the argument with Hoffman (the Hoffman boss-battle), a huge fantasy-distortion of what the actual event was?

In the middle of the Hoffman boss-battle, Wendy tells Jennifer (as she gives Jennifer the gun):

“Please stop him with this. Only you and your beloved dog can stop him. I’m sorry…”

Is there reason to be suspicious that this never occurred during the actual orphanage massacre? That Wendy never said this to Jennifer, nor gave her the gun?

I think so.

Consider some other ways that Jennifer’s dream version of the Stray Dog boss-battle was “ruled by falsehood”.

The idea that tiny Jennifer survived a physical battle with big and strong Gregory, as we see in the boss-battle, seems quite improbable to me.

We know that Brown couldn’t have joined in the fight, as we see in the boss-battle, because Brown was dead at the time of the orphanage massacre.

We know, because Brown was dead, and because Wendy knew it, that Wendy wouldn’t have said to Jennifer “only you and your beloved dog…”

So we know that there were indeed some ways in which Jennifer’s dream version of the orphanage massacre was “ruled by falsehood”.

What about Wendy’s giving the gun, and the responsibility of stopping Gregory, to Jennifer? Does this fit in with what we know of Wendy’s personality and her way of behaving?

I don’t think so.

Wendy is a very take-charge and get-things-done sort of person. Think about it.

1. Wendy planned and successfully executed Jennifer’s escape from Gregory’s cellar room.

2. Wendy managed to steal Gregory’s gun, and then kept possession of it.

3. Wendy wanted Jennifer to live with her at the orphanage, and this came to be.

4. Wendy trained Gregory like a dog.

5. Wendy managed to get for herself higher rank in the Aristocrat Club than Diana, despite the fact that Diana was older, larger, stronger, and characterized by a very strong will.

6. Wendy, jealous of Brown, managed to successfully arrange Brown’s death.

Do you really think that if Wendy decided that she wanted Gregory to be stopped, she would give the gun to Jennifer and say that only Jennifer can stop her now? Is that the way that Wendy handles things? Or would she have handled stopping Gregory herself?

Why would Wendy even think that Jennifer was capable of using the gun to stop Gregory? Jennifer was always fond of Gregory. She wrote to Wendy (16 November 1929, when she was living in Gregory’s cellar room) that Gregory is “a nice person”. And Jennifer is basically a rather passive and submissive person… not a fighter. Why would Wendy think that Jennifer could use a gun on Gregory?

Wendy, on the other hand, may well have kept the gun all this time because she thought she may need to use it one day. She had a lot of time (nearly a year) to psychologically steel herself to the task of using the gun—unlike Jennifer.

I think that if Wendy thought that Gregory needed stopping with the gun, she would try to do the job herself.

So I’m suspicious of what we were shown in the Stray Dog boss-battle.

I suspect that Wendy probably never gave the gun to Jennifer in real life, and that’s why Jennifer needed to correct this error in her dream and give the gun to Gregory in order for him to be able to shoot himself—fulfilling the act described in the newspaper article… see my post “The Stray Dog Boss-battle Mystery (Part 3)“. Only in this way could Jennifer finally choose to accept her true memories and let things play out in a way that wasn’t “ruled by falsehood”."

[heyitsnyixie]

Short horror? story/vent (tw's: Mentions of suicide, figurative yet very apparent body disphoria)

Intrusive thoughts

I woke up infront of a familiar building. An unremarkable house in the middle of a poor neighborhood. "Is this my old-" I think aloud as I reach for the knob. The building reminds my of my childhood home. One of the places I felt safest.

I opened the door, the inside of the house was lit by the soft blue of daylight. Out of the the corner of my eye I see a figure, sitting on the couch. The figure smiles wide, eyes lighting up,

"Welcome home, son" the figure said. It was my father. My father. My father?

"wh-what did you just say?" I said in complete shock, not fully processing what was going on.

"I said, welcome home, son, I've missed you." He turned to look at me. "I was worried I'd never see you again. I realized that I was wrong, that I was hurting you." He said, standing up and reaching out to give me a hug.

"No." I said firmly, shrinking away from 'my father'.

"Stay away! You aren't my father, he would never say something like that!" I got louder and more defensive. The thing dropped it's arms to it's side, it's face becoming a nameless visage of dark color, interrupted only by two glowing white eyes.

"what's the matter?" The creature taunted, it's body loosing my father's form and slowly turning into something else. "Isn't this what you always wanted? More than anything? Even more than not looking like this?" The beast exclaimed taking the ugly, distorted form of-

Myself.

The thing that keeps me from mirrors. The bastard that parades my brain around like it has the right. It's ugly human proportions, the ones I would never pick had I designed the flesh suit myself. All of it's disgustingly fake features.

The creature spoke again, "You would rip and tear every part of this if you weren't such a coward." It started to pace around me, it's distorted echoing voice continued, "Every day you walk around like you attempt to take care of it but can't. But you can. You can take care of yourself. But, if you did, you'd have to live with it."

It stopped infront of me. "You pretend to be inept so no one notices you're trying to kill yourself. You want the sweet release of death but you're to afraid to do it yourself. You're just going to run on empty until you stop running at all."

It puts it's hand on my shoulder as I flinch. "You could pretend to be happy here. You could pretend your hero was a considerate man who made an effort to respect you." It drops it's hand again. "Or you could suffer some more," it shrugs, "come talk again when you've made up your mind."

Then I see a computer screen with an empty document open. The cursor blinking expectantly awaiting my input. I sigh,"better get started on this essay."

I turn on the loudest song I can. I don't think about that again.

[metamorphesque]

musings on June

1.anne sexton ("the truth the dead know"), 2. anne sexton ("suicide note poem"), 3. mary oliver ("august"), 4. l.m. montgomery ("anne of the island"), 5. morgan parker ("the black saint & the sinner lady & the dead & the truth"), 6. found poems: sylvia plath / peter k. steinberg ("percy key among the narcissi") artwork by hugo grenville

buy me a coffee  

[glitter-alienz]

CW suicidal ideation

he's trying 👍🏾

[start] [next] <- this is the start of an era... i have a bunch of comic wips about donnie being mentally ill <3

original under the cut

its by @mewechy but their blog got explded i think