#damn jrpg armor ;_;

[paparitoffxiv]

“Heard that Lord Lolorito has been helping fund the Sultansworn? What’s that about?”

“Yeah, heard he wanted to make sure that we ‘maintained a unified and striking image befitting of the Sultanate’ or some bullshit like that.”

“Sounds like Syndicate PR bullshit to look good for the Sultana to me. Well, at least the new equipment does seem better quality. Though… don’t the bottoms feel a little shorter to you?”

[apple-pecan]

Dragon Quest (1986)

it is the mid 80's. in japan, rpgs were a super unpopular niche genre and were only played by weirdos. the most popular console at the time, the famicom, had a player base that mostly favored platformers, shmups and other kinds of action games. but a man named yuji horii wanted to shake things up. his goal was to make an rpg for the famicom with the same accessibility and appeal as something like mario. and with the help of world famous artist akira toriyama, and war crime denialist composer koichi sugiyama, the "big three" managed to do just that. and thus, the JRPG was born, alongside one of the best series of it's ilk: dragon warrior. i mean quest.

to make it so even little kids can know what they're doing, horii's design philosophy was an exercise in extreme minimalism: there's only one party member, you can only fight one enemy at a time, only one type of healing and offensive magic, there's only a handful of towns and dungeons, and there's only one save point (?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!). the story is as basic as it gets too: some asshole dragonlord is destroying the world with monsters, and also a princess has been kidnapped. guess what you have to do.

you start the game essentially naked: you dont have any weapons or armor and only a handful of gold. so what do you do? thats right: punch a bunch of slimes in the face until you have enough to buy stuff, and level up in the process. yeah, this is what's either gonna make or break the game for you: grinding is absolutely mandatory. the gameplay loop is simple; bonk enemies outside of town to get gold, use gold to buy weapons and armor, then your strong enough to reach the next town where the process repeats. thankfully once you have better equipment grinding only gets faster, and unlike a lot of RPGs leveling up makes drastic changes to your character. not only do you learn spells, but your stats go up A LOT. one time i leveled up and my strength went up by a staggering 13 points. holy fluff. the level cap is only 30 in this game, so every level counts.

there's also a couple of dungeons, where you learn that dragon quest 1 is secretly a horror game in disguise. dungeons are all pitch black, with your only source of sight being torches (and a spell you will learn later). you can only see so far ahead of you, which can cause some serious problems as your wander around dungeons not knowing where the hell to go. and when a strong enemy corners you and wipes the floor with you, you die and go right back to the save point with half your gold permanently gone. this makes the game more accessible, of course: instead of booting you right back to the title screen like final fantasy or megami tensei, you keep all the experience you've gotten at the cost of your money. it's a risk reward kinda thing.

okay this review's been too positive let's bitch about stuff. ONLY ONE FUCKING SAVE POINT ARE YOU KIDDING ME. if you are unlucky enough to, say, get killed during the final dungeon, you must retrace your steps from the starting castle all the way to where you were, and this can take a WHILE. there's holy waters and the Repel spell that can remove weak enemy encounters to make it faster, but they only last a hundred or so steps and they don't work in dungeons and caves for some ungodly reason. and if you try using it in said dungeon, your MP is wasted and nelson will come up to you and say "HAHA!"

another aspect that both works and doesn't work is talking to NPCs. the villagers have vital information to assist you in your quest. except when they don't. it's important to talk to as many people as possible, where they can give you clues you wouldn't otherwise be able to figure out on your own... but then there's some shit no one ever actually tells you. take the infamous sunstones for instance; an npc tells you they are hidden in the starting castle, but you look forever and cant find the damn thing. turns out you have to walk around the castle (but NOT far enough that it spits you into the world map) and in one of the corners there's a stray set of stairs that lead to the stones. hope you have nintendo power magazine, kid.

sure, there's some stuff in this game that obviously wouldn't fly today, but for 1986 this was one of the most novel and fun games you could get for the nes/famicom. it's simple yet addicting, and it's easy to see why it started a genre that's still going strong to this day. it's the first dragon quest game as well as the first JRPG as we know them today, so obviously there's gonna be some issues considering this was the first of it's kind, but thankfully they kept making dragon quest games and they're all solid and fun. and unlike it's rival series final fantasy, which hasn't had a universally beloved game since final fantasy 9 24 years ago, dragon quest still hasn't peaked yet, with it's most recent entry, 11, often considered the best game in the series. (it helps that the "big three" have been involved with every game in the series so the quality has remained consistent.)

so, even if the first dragon quest is a bit too old for you (and for most people let's face it, it's going to be), there's still a ton of great dragon quest games that all have something to offer. want a really emotional storyline intertwined with similar monster recruiting mechanics as pokemon mystery dungeon? try 5. want a gameplay focused rpg with blank slate party members that you can customize any way you want? try 3 or 9. want a really charming story with great graphics, lovable, developed characters, and a world map larger than MY BUTT? try 8 or 11. want really sadistic and bullshit gameplay that'll make you cry and throw your nes out the window? try 2. sure, it's likely that final fantasy and pokemon will never be as good as it once was ever again, but over here in dragon land, it's never been better. play these games already dammit!!!! do you want me to beg!!!!!?????? DO YOU?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?! anyways i love dragon quest it's peak thank you bye.

8/10

NOTE:

............................................ final fantasy sucks

[dynamite-derek]

RIP Akira Toriyama

It was the summer of 1996. A younger version of myself waltzed into a rip-off blockbuster, one of those family owned joints that often gets conflated with Hollywood Video, and was struck by the cover artwork of one game in particular. Chrono Trigger. It drew me in like a siren's song. It just looked so cool. I had experience with Earthbound, Super Mario RPG and Final Fantasy III at this point so I wasn't unfamiliar with the Japanese role playing game genre, but that isn't what brought me to the dance. It was the art.

Chrono Trigger would go on to become a major part of my personality as a youth. There was about a week straight where I would go around talking to nobody in particular using old English, like my favorite character Frog did. Thank you Ted Woolsey for that. CT would go on to form the basis for a lot of my video game opinions.

I remember getting Chrono Trigger for Christmas randomly in 1997. It had yet to become the holy grail of eBay, it was just a random gift from my uncle who knew how to use the Internet. I spent so long just glancing at the instruction manual and thinking the characters looked so cool. It's one thing to see a little pixel version of Lucca convince Crono that hopping into a teleporter is a good idea, it's another thing to see a fully illustrated version of the same character.

Don't even get me started on how I felt watching those anime cutscenes that came with the PS1 version for the first time. I consider Earthbound to be my favorite game ever, but Chrono Trigger is really what started my JRPG fix. Would I have gotten as deep into JRPGs as I did without Chrono Trigger? Would I be writing this right now? One of the first things I talked to my wife about was the Final Fantasy franchise, specifically my cat named Quistis. Would I have even grabbed that appreciation for Final Fantasy VIII without having been exposed to Chrono Trigger?

Fast forward to 1999. I had just moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado as a sixth grader. I had no friends. I didn't know anybody. It felt like the world had aged up around me. Everybody was using swears and talking about mature topics and I felt so out of the loop. In our temporary hotel housing I vividly remember turning the channel to Cartoon Network and stopping because the art style interested me. It looked kind of like that game I played back in 1996. Dragon Ball Z.

I can see it now. Vegeta was fighting against Recoome while Gohan and Krillin looked on exhausted. Things were looking bleak but some guy named Goku was on the horizon. I had no idea who any of these characters were but I knew they reminded me of something I loved with all my heart. From that point, Dragon Ball would go on to be something I absolutely cherished. Just like Chrono Trigger, it would help define my taste for years to come.

I remember being in high school wearing ridiculous looking Dragon Ball shirts because I thought the sleeves were really cool, I remember going to Toys R Us and seeing a damn near immobile Vegeta action figure that lacked his Saiyan-saga armor and I was so excited to bring it home. I remember hopping on limewire and downloading fansubs of Dragonball Z movies where the subtitles had characters swearing up a storm just because they could. How would I know any better? I didn't speak Japanese! I even downloaded all of Dragon Ball GT because I wanted to see where this wacky thing would go.

That specific anime would define a wide portion of my Internet life. I would post on the Funimation forums talking about whatever episode of the dub was most recent. It was there that I made a lot of my first Internet friends, including girlfriends. It was that forum that led me to create my own little Internet forum called Lindblum, a place that I still remember fondly to this day. I didn't have a lot of friends. I was an Airforce brat who moved around all the time, so it was hard for me to chat with people who knew each other for their entire lives. Lindblum was where I socialized and grew up as a person. Where I learned how to socialize and talk to people from all walks of life.

Writing on forums is what got me into writing in general. I was a lazy kid in school. I didn't care about anything except for video games. Writing was the exception to that, it was the only thing I considered myself actually decent at. I didn't understand math but I understood how to communicate what I felt to others. I work in journalism to this very day because of that fascination with writing. I have this dinky little blog I maintain because of that. Thanks to Internet forums. Thanks to Dragon Ball Z. Thanks to Chrono Trigger. Thanks to Akira Toriyama.

Toriyama, indirectly, helped shape me as an individual. A guy thousands of miles away from me who I had never met before, who didn't know my name, who didn't know I existed, had a hand in helping to shape the person I am today. The world can be a beautiful place sometimes.

RIP Akira Toriyama. Thanks for everything.

[cielsosinfel]

FFXII has a lot of hidden OP items that are so extremely exhausting to get... and it's honestly making me nostalgic for when this was the norm in JRPGs, for there to be ultra-rare but extremely OP weapons and armor and whatever, or hidden bosses with quadruple the stats of any other in the game, that you need to jump through hoops to unlock.

I actually really miss these kinds of gameplay elements, because even though they're usually too tedious for me to go through, they add this like... mystery to the game? Some excitement over discovering something so gamebreaking and outside the bounds of the base game? The accomplished feeling of finally getting a rare item or beating a ultra-difficult boss after hours of life spent suffering through the steps and the Game Overs. Wondering at how the HELL anyone worked out the steps to unlock the damn things. IDK how to describe it lol it's the kind of thing I feel has been lost in the era of DLC.

Right now I am struggling through hoops to get a Nihopalaoa, an accessory that reverses effects of items used on a target. This leads to the potential to throw a Remedy (status condition cure-all) at an enemy, and inflict them with every single negative status they're susceptible to (so some enemies you can toss it on and they'll get Sap/Disease/Doom/Poison/etc all at once.)

this is TL;DR and absolutely uninteresting to anyone else probably

To get this item in the Zodiac Age remaster, you have several options:

-Play through the optional Trial Mode, where you defeat waves of enemies to get to the next Trial, and after every 10 trials you get a rewrd. This accessory is stealable from the mobs on Trial 70 (out of 100)

-A chest in Henne Mines Phase 2 Dig. The chest only has a 25% chest of spawning. To access Phase 2 Dig, you first collect 10 espers (basically optional bosses that you defeat to unlock summons), and defeat a VERY difficult Hunt quest. This is actually the location for Zodiark, the most difficult esper boss to defeat, and the area is packed with over-powered mobs.

-A chest with a 5% spawn chance at Subterra, which is basically near the very end of the game

-A Bazaar purchase. The Bazaar is a way of purchasing items that only unlock as you sell Loot; different combinations of loot will unlock different bazaar goods. Nihopalaoa is unlocked by selling: Blood-stained Necklace x3, Death's Head x2, Leo Gem x3.

Leo Gems are a rare loot drop that can only be stolen from Diresaurs (basically big T-rex mobs.) They have a 3% steal rate. For the other two, you can't get them as Steal loot until you unlock the Warmage Monograph, which requires opening the Hunt Board 30 times so you can purchase the monograph form the bazaar. Blood-stained Necklace can only be stolen from Shambling Corpses, which only spawn in the area where you find the esper/boss Adrammelech. They are also continuously spawning and you are easily overwhelmed fighting them, especially if you're unable to take down Adrammelech. Death's heads are a 10% steal loot from Dark Skeletons. Dark Skeletons are in two places: Paramine Rift, where they randomly spawn in a couple zones; and Golmore Jungle, where they spawn in one specific zone only if you destroy every other mob on the map and defeat the Rare Elite Mob that spawns.

So which one of these is the easiest, most accessible option? The fourth one that involves hours upon hours of grinding in the hopes of stealing some rare drops from mobs in very annoying locations????

Yes. Yes that's the easiest one.

Anyway it took me 2 hours across a couple days to steal 2 Death's Heads and I now must go and attempt to steal 3 Blood-Stained Necklaces (thankfully I have Thief's Cuffs so the drop rate is doubled to a whopping 6%.)

Wish me fucking luck. I don't even need this accessory. I just want boss fights to be as easy as possible without losing my mind getting the ultra ultra ultra OP but extremely tedious arms.

[lordascapelion]

WIP Questionnaire

Tagged by @fenatics, thanks!

I'll do this for Pulse Saga, which is technically sort of finished? But oh well who cares.

What's the first part of your wip you created?

Pulse Saga had a definitive starting point when I devised the central twist that takes place at the end. Everything else about the story grew around that, from the magic system, to the other characters and the world itself.

If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Hmmmm a tough one, to be sure. I've matched songs to certain scenes or concepts, but not an OP...

What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

Probably Irene, the mew friend of the main character, Eduardo. I put a lot of my own traits onto her and I find her desire to break out of the confines of her societal role to be compelling. Also, the main villain, Wormwood, who's a fun character to write- an arrogant bastard who enjoys messing with people and knows just how strong he is.

What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

Pulse Saga takes inspiration from 90s JRPGs, so I'd hope that fans of those might find it appealing. Probably would have fans for anyone who likes more character-heavy sci-fi and fantasy action anime, such as Blue Exorcist.

What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Cutting is always really difficult, because you naturally want to keep everything and sometimes you have to cut something that's really near and dear to your heart... but alas. I also had to come to the realization that I basically had to cut the book in half at one point, because it was too damn long.

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

Uh, animals? I guess. Farm animals and random wildlife. It's not really a huge part of the story.

How do your characters get around?

On foot or in armored personnel carriers. One character can fly!

What part of your wip are you working on right now?

It's actually done! But now I'm to the point where I have to query and that... ugh, what a nightmare that is.

What aspects (tropes, maybe?) will you think draw audience in?

The setting: Post-apocalyptic, but more of a "green apocalypse", where nature has filled in to fill the void left by humanity's near destruction. Biomechanical killing machines roam the forests and anyone who remains outside of walls for too long is liable to fall prey to a curse that drives you mad.

The main character's conflict: Eduardo has to realize that the world he grew up in is far from the perfect world he had thought. He has to question what his authority figures have told him and is plagued by uncertainty. He's the kind of guy who is never content with just what's on the surface and that takes its toll on him.

The action: I think that my action scenes are pretty well written (at least my critique partners and beta readers said so!) Should be fun for anyone who likes reading about magical powers and special talents.

@supreme-leader-stoat @dasha-aibo @2urban2fantasy @supersoftly @edgar-allan-possum

have fun!

[jaes-aerie]

How is FF16, I haven't heard anything about it other than its supposedly Game of Thrones -esque, whatever the fuck that means

It's real nice! Readmore-ing this because I wrote a lot lol no spoilers. For context I'm literally at the last main mission of the game, wrapping up the 5 hours of side content the game shits on you right then.

Honestly I think the GoT comparison is pretty shit tbh. It's final fantasy as fuck, the setting/designs are more "realistic" I suppose but the characters, plot, and boss fights are FF to the bone. The overarching plot is about as typical jrpg you can get. Not super unique or ground breaking BUT I'm a sucker for those cheesy "humanity's unbreakable will vs god/the universe/Big Bad Thing ect ect" type stories so I'm eating this shit up. Games even made me tear up a few times so far. It practically beats you over the head with it's themes but it's so damn genuine about it all, it works. Just like Yakuza. Clive is a real sleeper hit protag too, despite his design lookin like shadow the hedgehogs humansona, he's refreshingly gentle, down to earth, and emotional. All that shit plus his English VA absolutely killing it make him a real treat to watch.

As far as gameplay goes it's also really fun, even if normal mode is quite easy. I don't think it's suuuuuper similar to DMC, tho it definitely takes inspiration. Clives default sword moveset is basically a watered down Nero, but the actual core and flow of combat reminds me more of kingdom hearts and dragons dogma... Except you're managing 6 different ability cooldowns, charging meters, and dodging MMORPG style arena hazards. The game doesn't really push you into any particular playstyle, and you could get through the game just fine with the first few sets of abilities you get. I feel like some players may settle into 2 or 3 things that work (or make encounters piss easy), then get bored with it. But if youre more self-motivated and like swapping things around/trying different builds for the hell of it, the game really shines. The boss fights are just as wild as everyone says. The sheer scale and spectacle genuinely hit different, all while still feeling great to play cough unlike bayo 3 cough. The kinda shit that makes you put your controller down and think man I fucking love videogames. Kept saying to myself "damn..... There's no way they can top this" and the game looks you dead in the eye and does just that, more than once.

As for some vague complaints.... Groups of small enemies die way to quickly (this issue may be fixed on FF mode, we will see). Most of the side quests in the first 1/3 of the game are boring as FUCK, like babies first rpgs quest with kinda shit rewards. It's almost whiplash inducing how much better they get past the halfway point. They even start getting fancy cutscenes and unexpectedly.... dire endings. Clives character development is lovingly crafted and theres plenty of it but the same cannot be said for the rest of the main cast, unfortunately. They're still great, but for certain characters, you're left wanting just... More. More everything. Also the crafting system/armor/accessories are on the simple side which isn't a deal breaker for me, but I can see how it could be kinda disappointing for more traditional FF fans. There's also no chocobo racing when you can literally CHOCOBO DRIFT and that's fucking LAME.

[dlamp-dictator]

Impressions on Engage

So, about four chapters into Fire Emblem Engage and here are my quick thoughts so far.

Gameplay

Gameplay wise, the break system is very interesting. The ability to just shut down a unit’s ability to counter attack makes planning out choke points and pushes involve a lot more strategy. Now you can’t just have an armored/high-HP unit at a single location without the risk of them turning into a pretty-looking paperweight when a sword-user attacks them and completely disables them for that phase.

Likewise, the Engage ability isn’t as busted as I thought it’d be (yet). It’s not an auto-win button, but a mix of a sizeable power boost combined with an emergency damage button, at least with how I use it so far. But I’m also only four chapters in, so there’s plenty of time for the Engage ability to slowly become a busted auto-win button.

On a side note, I like a lot of the UI changes in battle. It’s much easier to understand what each point and stat does in the immediate clash, the battle forecast looks a lot cleaner to read in terms of what exact actions will be happening, and this is probably the first time I’ve really paid attention to the small bits like hit chance and avoid.

With all that said, I tried playing on Hard Mode at first. I’ve played Fates, Echoes, and Three Houses so I thought I could handle my first Hard Mode playthrough... and then I lost 5 units in chapter four, was thankful I still picked casual mode, and immediately went back to normal mode like the baby I am.

Story

This is going to be under a read more for obvious reasons. That said, only spoils up to chapter four below. Overall, I think the gameplay is going to keep me... engaged with this game more than the story.

Damn, they really just killed the mom in chapter 3. Like, barely any build up or anything. I can only take this as a harbinger of what’s to come.

Not the biggest fan of playing as another avatar character, but Alear is honestly fine as a character so far. Unlike some other JRPG I think the reasoning behind the amnesia makes sense given the situation.

The plot just feels really basic overall, but general consensus is that this game’s story is mostly a prop for the gameplay to follow. I’ll see how that works out as I play.

Small side thing, but I’m not really liking the character designs. They all just feel a little too detailed and... gacha-game-y at the moment. That said, everyone’s casual wear has been A+ for me. I’m hoping I can switch everyone into those outfits in battle later on.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I might make a full essay on this later on when I get further through the game.

[joytraveler]

11. Last Of Them All

This game once again features a well-drawn title screen, showing a house at night with warmly glowing windows, a treehouse in the front yard and a tricycle underneath it. The only instructions are "Press Start".

When Bea does so, a JRPG begins! The graphics are reminiscent of the original Dragon Quest, and the opening cinematic shows a family waking up. First there's a boy with red hair, who jumps out of bed and runs down the stairs. He's followed by a much smaller girl with pony tails, then two more boys. The last one to emerge from the bedroom is the character Bea controls.

"Hello! Hey! Hi! Hi! He- oh its me, good morninnng! Is this gonna be like.. Chrono Bound? Earth Trigger"

"First things first, I have to eat video game breakfast"

Glockroach: Bea speaking as someone with four siblings your life is gonna be hell now HNV: oh shit Bea you need to play Earthbound Beginnings after this

When you trot downstairs, the kids are all playing, tossing dolls around and making a mess of things. The red-haired boy-- apparently the eldest-- says, "Go get Mom and Dad for breakfast, I'll go get the paper."

Going back upstairs, the doorway to Mom and Dad's room is now open. Mom's sprite looks familiar, she has the same red hair as your big brother.

"Hi mo- MOM YOUR HEAD'S ON FIRE!"

Llord_Kuruku: Was mom up all night keeping bedbugs out of my bed? Love you mom! Baconnaise: That's all they do when we're asleep and now we know what ungrateful wretches we were

Once you wake up Mom, she goes down the stairs. Father stays in bed and mumbles "Go ask your mother", when you address him

He does, however, tell you your name-- apparently you're Zoku. "Shouldn't I be a big green soldier robot- oh Zoku, never mind!"

aroseahorseboy: yeah, you're a desktop popsicle maker, congrats.

"Okay I get all your breakfast then!" Bea holds down the "B" button and finds she can dash, neat! "GAH, NYOOM.. forgot I had my Nikes on, right?"

"And you can move in every direction, i don't feel like i'm on a grid like most of these"

As soon as Zoku hits the edge of the screen where the stairs lead from upstairs to downstairs, though, the screen goes black. There's a loud banging sound effect-- and a digitized woman's scream.

"DON'T-!!! What for!? Why??"

Glockroach: You tripped you clumsy idiot berd_snurglar: oh man i was worried they'd be dead when we found them but i'm glad we could be there

"Nobody's dead- are they?? Damn you game, are you LOADING on me?!" "How...dare you"

Finally, after that long black screen, the lower floor loads-- but different. The house is dark, it's night. The house has been even more torn apart than by five children; furniture smashed and scattered, windows broken, moonlight coming through.

Zoku is different too. Bea is now controlling an armored, gun-toting soldier in helmet and goggles, who is accompanied by two more. One of them gestures for him to follow, and he pauses and says, "I knew this looked familiar," before handing control back to Bea.

Baconnaise: So Earthbound grew up and it turned out all bad :( berd_snurglar: i really wish i hadn't voted for the pig kid on retrospect

"I assume we'll figure out more as we get further in, but hang in there guys, this could still be fun! Look, one guy is a robot! Or maybe he just has a cool helmet. I'd say this is like Metal Max but nobody knows what that is"

she tries walking around the area- the ruins of a town. she hasn't encountered any enemies yet, but there's nothing to find either.. it really does feel lonely.

When Bea reaches the rendezvous point, the soldiers rejoin Zoku for another briefing.

["You all know a save point when you see one. They're the cornerstone of what's left of our civilization. I need to tell you now: BEWARE. Some of the ones you'll be seeing up ahead are booby traps."]

Baconnaise: Heehee, booby

"Maybe this is just the kids playing in the backyard and its all in their imagination.. Hey let's play dystopian crapscape in the backyard, that's always a blast"

Glockroach: They're all Fallout nerds Llord_Kuruku: I like how save points aren't just something imaginary, they're a literal presence in the game

"He did say that.." The first one she sees makes her pause. Can she trust this old standby in this game? She goes for it.

[SAVE COMPLETE! YOU WILL RETURN FROM THIS SPACE.]

aroseahorseboy: bea that was a huge gamble you just took there

"All right, we're just gonna have to try to get as far as we can and save as little as possible, then. Looks like that's the name of the game!"

The journey through the town commences, with shattered buildings and rubble to navigate your way through-- and surprisingly frequent save points. What isn't frequent is enemies, or anything at all to fight; nothing appears on the screen but your fellow soldiers, and there don't seem to be random encounters.

"First I was excited.. then I was worried, then I was excited again and now I'm just booored" she finally groans. "It would have been nice to have game to go with this opening scene we just had, huh"

The only thing that seems to change is the number of save points-- at first we were seeing them every few screens, but now there's two and three per screen. Soon the screen starts to become a maze of save points to avoid!

Baconnaise: This IS the game bea, you're in save point hell

"Ugh, forge ahead, or quit this one, guys? I really think they just didn't finish this one because otherwise- No Bacon come on, nobody's that cruel.."

HNV: See if you can find one that's booby-trapped, I want to see what happens!

"Good idea, let's see what thats all about!" she steers her party right into the next column of save points she comes to!

[SAVE COMPLETE! YOU WILL RETURN FROM THIS SPACE.]

The whole row keeps saving her place... until the last one. This one causes Zoku to pixelate and disappear!

The black Continue/End screen appears.

"Well that was.. underwhelming?" she reflects on the game a moment. "Heh, the last one. I guess so. Weird."

aroseahorseboy: Bea these are weird but i honestly can't get enough of them Baconnaise: Me neither, keep doing them Don't question it just keep going til you get to the men

"Well, we're finishing this page anyway, it's been a pretty crazy session! I mean I knew it would but, wow. It's been great doing it with you guys though, I'm so happy I dont have to make the journey alone!"

Klickitat_Street: At least there'd be plenty of save points for you if you did! aroseahorseboy: we love you too now PLAY, ho ho ho

[acepalindrome]

Listen. Listen. If you love classic JRPGs or just interesting games with metric fuckload of fantastic characters and a great story, please get yourself a PS1/PS2 emulator and play the Suikoden series. They’re so unique and good and they hold up really well despite their age. I’d compare them to the Fire Emblem series, although they aren’t strictly tactical games. But they’re all stories about war in a fantasy world and the large cast of people involved.

And if you enjoyed the ‘base’ activities in FE3H (fishing, gardening, cooking, etc), that stuff is a staple of the Suikoden series. Each game involves you finding a base for your army (usually a castle, but one is one a ship,) and recruiting people to your cause. It’s not just people who can fight! You need blacksmiths and doctors, cooks, farmers, map makers! One of the things I love the most about Suikoden is how it elevates the ‘little people.’ Your army isn’t going to last long if you don’t have people to supply the food and manage your supplies and get you armor and weapons and do your laundry and manage a bath for you so you don’t all smell like shit! And hell, war is horrible! We need stuff to raise moral too, like musicians and actors! We also need a detective because I’m a nosy bitch and I wanna snoop into everyone’s secrets and uncover the mystery of who ate all the fucking cheesecake.

All these people matter! Not everyone is going to be a big damn hero with a sword charging in with all the flashy glamor and heroics! Everything collapses without the people making sure everyone is fed and healthy and have a roof over their head! It’s just really great how those folks are treated as just as important as those who fight.

[elfyourmother]

Totally copying a previous anonymous! What’s your favorite thing about Aymeric? :D

This is even harder to pin down than the Haurche one tbh, because of how madly in love I am with Aymeric and how he’s written.

But if I really had to pick one thing, it’s that Aymeric possesses so many qualities that heroic characters aren’t generally allowed to have, right alongside the standard altruism and selflessness. As a start, he’s incredibly cunning and ambitious, and he’s a charismatic silver-tongued politician with an incredible mastery of palace intrigue. In any other Final Fantasy game a character like Aymeric would have been an antagonist, especially given that he’s beautiful in and out of universe and also has the nerve to be leader of the militant arm of a pseudo-Catholic church. That’s practically Final Fantasy Villain Mad Libs tbqh. But all of those traits he uses to serve the greater good; even his ambition is ultimately about reforming Ishgardian society to be more just, and he’s been playing Xanatos speed chess for pretty much his entire adult life largely to that end.

The perfect example of this to me is when he goes to confront Thordan after WoL reveals the truth of how the war began. A frighteningly high number of people miss that he wasn’t being some dumb Pollyanna assuming everything would be fine; Aymeric did not rise to the position he did by being that stupid. Because like--yes, he’s incredibly idealistic in many regards, but never to the point of naïveté. He knew damn well what the probable outcome would be, but he did it to force Thordan’s hand, and it was fucking brilliant actually. Even in the absolute worst case scenario, Aymeric’s aims would be served, because Thordan would get exposed. Of course he thought nothing of his own safety, because Aymeric never does when his people and his homeland are at stake.

That’s not to say Aymeric isn’t flawed. For all his cool self-assuredness he’s also plagued by doubts on occasion, and he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders whether anyone asks or not. He’s deeply mortal behind that shining image of perfection he so carefully cultivates as armor--there are (silly) people who call him stupid for yelling to WoL and Alphinaud to chuck Nid’s Eyes, but in a sense it was driven by a very real and very understandable sense of panic I think (plus, no one reasonable could have expected those things to be retrieved the way they were. This particular criticism reeks of Monday morning quarterbacking and I hate it). 

In the end, in so very many ways he’s the distaff counterpart to Gisele and how I’ve always characterized her, particularly in her original universe where she was Warden-Commander and Queen of Ferelden, then much later one of the Inquisitor Triumvirate. He’s precisely the kind of leader she was in that timeline, to almost frightening degrees.

He’s just a wonderfully complex character, in a way hero figures don’t often get to be in JRPGs, and that’s the main reason I love him so much. There’s so many layers to him.

[playernumberv]

Game concept: A JRPG where you *are* the villain

Last year, I wrote about how I’d absolutely love a space sci-fi JRPG. The key novelty of that idea lay in the fact that no major JRPG - to my best awareness - has ever attempted an intergalactic space sci-fi type of narrative. However, that concept nevertheless assumed that there’d be a central villain figure or villain group, which is precisely what you’d expect of JRPGs in general - be it Tales of, Persona, or Final Fantasy, these games are typically built on the very fundamental structure of having a “group of heroes” fight a “group of villains”. 

But what if there were a JRPG in which... you are the villain?

To be clear, this is far from a brand new concept, and there are many stories which have featured villainous protagonists. Shakespeare’s Richard III is probably a classic example, but it’s a fairly common concept in modern popular entertainment too. In anime, Overlord is an excellent example of an anime where the lead characters are better categorized as villains rather than heroes - even if one wouldn’t necessarily consider them completely evil per se (and this in fact is I think a crucial ingredient to making such a story work as it ensures that the villains are still sympathetic characters you cheer on and love). The Saga of Tanya the Evil is another anime that also features a sociopathic, villainous protagonist, and what a damn blast this show is to watch. There are also games where you can partake in villainous activities, like Grand Theft Auto or Skyrim, but those aren’t quite what I have in mind here. The closest equivalent to the idea I have is Tales of Berseria (god I love this game so much), in which the lead character goes on a rage-filled quest for revenge and eventually even earns the moniker ‘Lord of Calamity’. However, Tales of Berseria’s characters are far too heroic for me to really label them villains - they’re really more like misunderstood heroes who do eventually redeem themselves. 

The idea I have is a JRPG in which you really are a villain-type character, much like in Overlord or The Saga of Tanya the Evil, and this I’m fairly certain has not been done in a JRPG. From a game-play perspective, I think this offers some small but exciting new twists to classic JRPG mechanics. For example, we’ve all experienced the thrills of unleashing powerful sorcery in JRPGs, most commonly fire magic, ice magic, and lightning magic - but what about unleashing demonic sorcery? Imagine summoning a fell Cerberus which spews hellfire in combat, reanimating corpses, or unleashing blood magic as part of your normal skillsets. Character progression - skill trees and the like - would similarly involve the development of demonic traits and demonic skills, with branching paths allowing player choice in the type of demon you develop your character into. Do you prioritize unlocking demonic summoning abilities that allow you to summon even more terrifying beasts, or do you unlock metamorphosis abilities that allow you to become a terrifying beast, or do you focus on traditional sorcery and unlock demonic spells? Equipment management - again a staple in JRPGs - can similarly be subtly tweaked to focus on demonic weaponry and armor. A sword made completely of blood. An armor crafted from human bones. The fundamental mechanics aren’t necessarily too different from typical JRPGs, but the evil demonic twist to them would add a layer of novelty that makes things much more exciting in my opinion.

Narratively as well, we’re all extremely used to hero-focused ‘save-the-world’ type narratives since these are utterly abundant in JRPGs and have surely gotten a little old and cliched (even if they remain very enjoyable). Simply by reversing the focus to tell a villain-focused story, however, and we instantly have a breath of fresh - albeit evil - air in a JRPG. A larger-scale narrative can, for example, star a demon lord assembling his/her (incidentally, I think a female protagonist would be incredible here instead of the typical male demon lord archetype) team of evil overlords in a quest to conquer the world. I won’t lie - such a story will be dark, gruesome, and controversial. But damn if it wouldn’t be a thrill to experience. Whereas typical JRPGs often have subplots involving helping a certain city or village, a villain-focused one would instead have subplots involving destroying or conquering a city or village. Gameplay elements of castle management and upgrades could be interweaved into such a plotline too. Granted - a large-scale narrative on war and conquest could be a bit much, but a smaller-scale narrative more akin to typical JRPGs would still totally work. Imagine a world in which demons have been driven to near-extinction by the hands of humanity. You hence play as a small band of demonic mercenaries or assassins - a suicide squad, you might even say - on a lengthy journey to assassinate the hero of light or the archbishop or the king. Such narratives rely on some level of ambiguity which makes you recoil at the villainy of your protagonists, yet at some level sympathize with them and root for them. That type of nuance and complexity where your villainous protagonists aren’t “all bad” and the heroic antagonists aren’t “all good” I think would enable much more compelling characters and a very complex and memorable narrative, and I think this would totally work in a JRPG.

So yeah. I love JRPGs to bits, and I’d absolutely love to play more JRPGs. I’d also like to play more diverse types of JRPGs beyond the standard ‘save-the-world’ type of narratives, and I think taking a JRPG to space or venturing into the world of villains would be some excellent ways to add spice to JRPGs. I don’t even need to be paid royalties for verbalizing these ideas, but I hope such games get made someday so I can play them!

[magicalblerdpenn]

. I finally beat Greygnarl after level grinding + spending 40,000 gold on dragon armor.

I've had this game since November 2019 and it is taking me so damn long to beat it because I've been reluctant to play this game sometimes.

I've played a ton of JRPGs so I know grinding is the norm, but to have the most valuable EXP points specifically for monsters you have to wait ages to spawn is annoying AF. Not to mention the lousy drop rate and spawn rate for alchemy materials.

I love Dragon Quest IX's storyline because I get to play a literal guardian angel helping townsfolk overcome problems rooted in grief and greed. The storyline is compelling & why I continue to play despite how frustrating it can be.

I'm glad that this game introduced to the Dragon Quest games. Besides this game, I've played V and want to play IV and maybe VIII someday.

However, I have a love hate relationship with Dragon Quest IX.

[rebecca-lotto]

first not putting god shattering star in to nemesis’ GHB , now this....

sequel to this post :

look , we’re getting into jrpg territory with the impending fight with Alfador , the less cool fire emblem !Odin , so it’s logical a version / variant of Falchion would come into play.  and i don’t think there’s a colorless blade tome in the game yet...

and it’d be a great way to bring Henriette to playable status, b/c god damn colorless hell is a bitch to deal with , and a free armored mage is awesome!.

but to change topic to forging bonds ,  imma roll for flayn ,  she’s a good bean, and i hope  she gets an alt .

incoming speculation for what’s to come : 

al & sharena are gonna get legendary / mythic alts. 

ljósálfar ! sharena’s a given , dunno what weapon she’ll have.

but legendary / mythic alfonse is  a whole ‘nutha story , maybe since alfador sees him as a threat , maybe alfonse’s new alt could be a  dökkálfar  version of him.

[heroponazrion]

COMING AT YOU WITH ANOTHER HIT OF THE DEFINITIVE XENO EXPERIENCE

NOW WITH 60% MORE SPELLCHECKING

With the current pandemic situation creeping across the world, as well as the recent conflicts involving the police not learning this shit the first time it happened like seriously what the fuck, Xenoblade Definitive has been a great distraction and an escape from the knives and threats of the outside.

It’s real easy to practice social distancing when you have a beloved face-lifted JRPG. Oh, and Phantasy Star Online 2 is a thing, I guess, BUT YOU’RE NOT HERE FOR PSO2, YOU’RE HERE FOR THE MONADO BOY

AND LEMME TELL YOU, YOU’RE GONNA GET IT

[SPOILER WARNING]

The following content below the cut contains spoilers towards the main story of Xenoblade Chronicles. But continuing, you acknowledge that you either already understand the story, have beaten the game once before, or don’t care enough about spoilers, and are just hear to read me rambling like a psychotic rip-off of Freeman’s Mind.

Also there’s gonna be some seriously foul language, some bad jokes, and other not-PG-13-friendly content, so don’t let grandma or your nephews and nieces click on this. Alright? Okay. Good.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET’S GET INTO IT.

CHAPTER 1: ONE YEAR LATER, TO THE DAY BASICALLY

SO, after getting our exposition on the world’s creation, and it’s first significant “world war”, we now time-jump to the “present day”, and to a young adult rummaging in a field looking for some nerd shit.

This young adult in question is, in fact, our titular protagonist, the face of the game, and all-around goodboi, SHULK.

He’s a tinkering technician, and right now he’s scrounging for parts from a bunch of Mechon wreckon. He thought he found something nice and useful, but it’s busted. WHAT A SHAME.

A little unsurprising that he’s looking through Mechon bits for usable parts - adapting foreign technology and what-not could (eventually) give them an edge in the war. Other folks might look at him and go “weird kid”, but he’s doing the smart thing, and trying to find stable bits of Mechon to convert into tools and arms against them.

And also he’s not a kid, technically, he’s 18.

Oh SHIT, that’s a big hunk of Mechon it WOULD make for a damn nice shield. Just hammer it out into a flatter curve, maybe trim it down to maintain thick plating while still being light enough to carry and

OH FUCK IT’S MOVING ABORT ABORT

WHAM

Oh HEY, Reyn, thanks for the bullrush save!

“It’s not a Mechon, it’s just a krable!”

Yeah, get ready for some “monster” names like this. Little sense made, still oddly fits like a glove. Names like “Armu”, “Flammi”, “Skeeter”, “Vang”

BUT ANYWHO, we’ve got YET ANOTHER TUTORIAL FIGHT

But THIS TIME, we’re Level 1, we DON’T have a GOD-SWORD, and we’re just two young adults in a field fighting a giant hermit crab wearing a dead machine. Easy enough.

This is where the positioning part of combat’s importance really kicks in, as the Krable’s “shell” makes it resistant to damage from the sides and the back while it’s up-right.

With this in mind, Shulk’s first art, Back Slash, does A LOTTA DAMAGE™ to enemies when he’s behind them. But thanks to the armor, it won’t be as effective as we want it to be. So how do we fix this?

WITH SOME FUCKIN’ TEAMWORK, THAT’S HOW

Shulk’s Talent Art, Turn Break, will inflict a special debuff status called “Break”, which means the enemy’s stance is broken and wobbly, leaving them open for our good pal Reyn to follow up with a Wild Down.

Wild Down is one of Reyn’s first Arts, and it only really shines when an enemy is suffering from Break. On hitting a broken enemy with Wild Down, it inflicts Topple, which causes the enemy to fall over, unable to move, and unable to attack.

And in the case of our Mechon-corpse-wearing Krable foe, it knocks his shell off, and makes that juicy krabby back VULNERABLE to some SLASHING OF THE BACK VARIETY

Even at Level 1, Back Slash does TONS OF DAMAGE, but damage translates to aggro, so use it wisely.

“What do you MEAN aggro??” What, you didn’t know? Aggro’s a thing in this game. And managing it properly with the skills of your party members can make or break any and every fight you get in.

Which means it’s time for a PARTY MEMBER BREAKDOWN

Shulk is our protagonistic DPS, wielding what could best be described as a curved greatsword. That’ll change later, but what won’t change too much is his purpose in the party, which is to dole out BIG DAMAGE and initiate some of the party-wide combos, like applying Break for the Break-Topple-Daze combo.

Shulk is also good for occasional support, such as using Light Heal to give Reyn a touch-up, or Slit Edge to lower enemy defenses and make them easier to kill.

Reyn is Shulk best friend, and the party damage-mitigation Tank. With his Shield Driver-type weapons, he can dish out the hurt, and block it when it comes back at him. His Talent Art, Mad Taunt, generates a Metric Fuckton™ of Aggro, so it’s good to use when someone other than Reyn starts taking Aggro.

To this end, some of Reyn’s Arts generate Talent Art fuel, allowing him to use Mad Taunt more frequently to ensure Tank dominance. Arts like Bone Upper and War Swing will generate Talent Art gauge with each hit, so it’s advised to use them often for both damage, aggro-generation, and Talent Art refill.

AND NOW THAT ALL THAT EXPOSITION IS OUT OF THE WAY, LET’S GET BACK TO THIS WILDLIFE MURDER

Of course, shortly after killing that Krable, a caterpiller/millipede-looking motherfucker pops out of the ground and locks us in a GREEN RING

Green rings indicate important fights, and you CANNOT run from them. You MUST fight to leave the green ring.

Not that this fight is difficult. It’s just a bug. Pretty easy to defeat.

Now that the danger’s passed, and the Mechon shell is retrieved, Reyn can finally ask if Shulk’s alright. Which, Shulk is alright, but he’s more concerned with the shell that they got, which will make “everyone” in the Colony happy.

Yeah don’t know about EVERYONE, chief, but I imagine you can do a lotta stuff with that big old heap of metal.

And so it is from that secluded grassy hill that the REAL adventure begins in traditional fashion - by heading back towards town and MURDERING as many field mobs as we can along the way to grind out some early levels.

You might think me cruel, but you’ve done it too. I know you have. Everyone has. It’s simply the fate of the JRPG protagonist to challenge nature in an effort to grow stronger from humble beginnings.

And Shulk is nothing if not humble, given how he thanks Reyn for helping him during Reyn’s break. Turns out, Reyn’s in the Defence Force for Colony 9.

Where he belongs. Not because he’s a meathead, but because he’s built like a brick house with abs that you could grind beef on and arms big enough to brandish a seemingly-two-handed weapon with ONE ARM.

Yeah he belongs in a fighting force, that man could steamroll through a concrete wall and come out the other side in one piece.

SHULK, on the other hand, has to take that Mechon shell with him back to the Lab at the Colony Defence Force fortress, so that he can research it and develop new arms and armor with it.

Shulk’s more of a tinkerer than a soldier, so he’s a research lad in the weapons lab. He even invented the scrap driver that Reyn used to defend him earlier! And that thing’s COMPLEX, so you know Shulk’s smart.

He’s also heartfelt, and yearns to help his fellow colonyfolk. Which is my excuse for explaining why I picked up each and every sidequest, both from day-and-nighttime NPCs, as I could. Don’t question it.

But with the quests grabbed, and some gear purchased from the store, we make our way to the Lab, where we find our old pal Dickson from the prologue!

Turns out Dickson used to be the head of weapons development and Monado research, before lending the reigns off to Shulk. And according to the research papers, Shulk was the right lad for the job.

The Monado’s construction is strange - ANYONE can wield it, but activating it has averse effects when it’s in the wrong hands. And it also shines with a strange symbol in the middle, which, upon closer inspection, is made from multi-layered glass. And when light passes through the layered rings, it forms a symbol, not unlike holo-tech that we have in the modern age using multi-angular light.

So it stands to reason that, if one were able to activate more of the layers on the Monado’s central design, one could effectively unlock more and more potential in the GOD-SWORD, to the degree that one could become a nigh-unstoppable superpower.

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS ALL NEATO AS FUCK.

God I love when RPGs go in-depth as to their mysterious relics and the details of their designs and functions.

REGARDLESS, Dickson interrupts Shulk’s technophiliac boner to tell him he’s spending too much time in the lab, or away from other people, scrounging for parts, going on to say it’s not healthy for a lad his age, and it’s why he’s all pasty.

Listen, Dickson, we’re in the middle of a little thing called a pandemic, and it’s calling for some serious social distancing, so staying in the lab is probably the healthiest thing for us.

HAHA, JUST KIDDING, guess Shulk’s gonna go get some fresh air that doesn’t involve rummaging through machine guts and bodies for scraps. A nice day for it too.

WHUP, HOLD ON, SCENE TRANSITION

Now we’re at Dunban’s House, which is right next to the main entrance to Colony 9 for whatever reason.

And MAN, Dunban has seen MUCH BETTER DAYS.

I mean, he’s shirtless in bed, looking like a damn snacc, but JEEGUS CRUST HIS ARM

This is an example of the damages of trying to wield the GOD-SWORD for too long when you’re not the Destined One™

Even a year later, and it still hasn’t healed. Hell, it might never heal, and the limb may as well be just dead-and-gone. And yet still, he stubbornly tries to use it whenever his younger sister isn’t looking.

Oh, did I forget to mention that? He has a younger sister and her name is FIORA

Fiora’s a sweet blonde thing with a big heart for her family, and an even bigger heart for Shulk. AHHH, THE STEREOTYPICAL JRPG LOVE-INTEREST

She’s also the most sensitive woman in the whole Colony, caring way too much about the people closest to her potentially threatening to push themselves beyond their limits and brush it off with “I’m Fine™”.

Not that that’s a bad character trait. It’s good to care, but caring too much about too many people will tear you apart.

BUT BACK TO THE STORY, Fiora brought Dunban some lunch, which she made herself! And it actually looks really good! And while she’s taking care of Dunban, he tells her he’s alright, and to go bring some to Shulk while it’s still warm.

And of course, once she’s got the lunch and headed out the door, Dunban tries to use his FUCKED ARM AGAIN. And it hurts SO BAD, he can’t even get a grip on a SPOON for fuck sake. That just goes to show how DAMAGING the Monado really can be when overused by the wrong people, and why it’s both a potent weapon, and a dangerous double-edged sword in the wrong hands.

And right as Fiora’s heading out the door and towards the Colony Defence Fortress, Dickson swings by to “conveniently” tell her that Shulk’s not in the lab, and that he sent him out to get some fresh air.

“You know where he’s gone.”

Wow, everybody and their grandma are really in on this whole love-interest ship, aren’t they

It must be that obvious. These two need to work on their subtlety if every other Homs is asking them about their significant other.

LOVE INTEREST ASIDE, We’re now in control of Fiora, and we have a pail lunch to bring to our main homie Shulk.

And he’ll get that lunch, by god. ...NEXT TIME, THAT IS.

[toasttz]

How to make games: RPGs

Hey! You like RPGs, right? If you don't I have to wonder how the hell you found FAN, given our two most-active subboards being vidya and tabletop RPGs, but, whatever! Let's, for the sake of argument, assume you like RPGs. If you don't, fuck off, Greg! ... I don't know anyone named Greg, I just wanted to see if I could screw with people named Greg. Anyways, RPGs, like the houses in Harry Potter, come in four distinct flavors: traditionalist, gonzo/comedy, h-game, and "Inspired by EarthBound/The Mother Trilogy". And much akin to Harry Potter, only two of these houses actually fucking matter and the other two are just hangers-on of different genres and ages. If you're going to waste the player's time by making your H-game an RPG, you are going about it entirely wrong. Please stop dumping this unabashed garbage-fire of a subgenre on Steam, the market is beyond saturation point and requires arm floaties to compensate. And for those of you who played/know of EarthBound and want to make a "spiritual successor"... just stop. Please for the love of God, stop. There never really was a demand for this kind of thing and EarthBound was not a commercial success, so just stop if you have any humanity left in you. I don't think I can stomach anymore fucking quirkiness after the last installment - anymore stuffed down my gullet and I'm gonna shit out a My Hero Academia OC next time my bowels move. So, in truth, you have two flavors of RPG: the traditionalist and the comedian routes and both can be equally terrible. Traditionalist RPGs range from the swords-n-sorcery setting found in Ultima, Dragon Quest, and good Final Fantasy installments to the sci-fi, cyberpunk, steampunk, and emo shit found in bad Final Fantasy installments - it's a wide gauntlet. The only prereq is that you take your own storytelling relatively seriously, with some level of gravity involved in the overall major story beats. Since traditionalist RPGs are made by people with crippling insecurities about change, and the game will largely succeed or fail on the quality of its characters, I'll go ahead and make your cast for you. I'll avoid giving them names so you can customize them: I mean, some people like their fantasy heroes to be named something like "Bulk McUlraeoth Sword Arm of Jupiter" and some people like their fantasy protags to be named "Jim". Who am I to judge your self-insert fanfiction? Sword McHero Man - The guy with short brown or black hair and a generic face done by a B-list manga-ka and, depending on if you want to make him a chillaxed everyman or an edgy edgelord, you can add or subtract belts, zippers, pouches, and black clothing items according to need. He'll almost always use a generic one-handed sword and have fairly short hair. If your game strongly favors an element system, he'll be either fire or light-affinity, but not have any actual strong convictions beyond the fact that he hates 'bad guys' and probably gets his head dunked in toilets by at least 3 NPCs in the starting town. Anything else about him is ultimately superfluous and interchangeable with the next Sword McHero Man over. Childhood McBestfriend - Oftentimes a female foil to the above, but not required by law to be so. Sometimes this doubles as Sword McHero Man's Suave Cool McLancer. They will usually fill a supplementary combat role in the party, either the thief or the healbot as the story requires. If they are the love interest, they are required to be Worst Waifu(TM) by law and be replaced as soon as a competent party member fills out the roster. Typically wind or water elemented in nature, they'll either help calm the hero-man down if he is the hotblooded sort, or cheer him up if he's currently got his head dunked in a toilet. Suave Cool McLancer - Either a rival or thematic foil of the hero and maybe a rival for Childhood McBestfriend's affections, depending on story necessity. He will be a more specialized unit, either the rogue, the heavy-armor knight, or the attack mage. If male, this character will be Best Hasbando and be incredibly pretty or horrifically scarred and/or disfigured with no potential in-betweens. If female, uncommon but not unheard-of, she'll be the team's big sis figure and likely the most powerful, physically speaking. Potential for Best Waifu(TM) is high, but can also potentially double as Back McStabberton. Back McStabberton - The dark, angsty, clearly-untrustworthy one who the player will see their betrayal coming from a mile off, but will completely blindside the naive heroes. Usually they'll have stats inconsistent with the party (being either over or under-powered depending on context) and clash with their bright, anime-esque color scheme by wearing blacks or dark purples. Either a thief or attack mage of some flavor. Almost universally a male or a "devilish handsome rogue" if they get redeemed at some point. If female, they will always be DOUBLE AGENTS acting with the hero's own good in mind and will promptly be forgiven. Usually dies before the game is out. Grandpa McTeacherperson - Some plot-pivotal character who exists to either give the party a special tool, weapon, or ability they wouldn't have gotten otherwise, or elsewise transfer their own talents to the party in some fashion. Virtually irrelevant as characters since these exist exclusively as jaded props to die off to make the villains' actions more personal. Please stop using this archetype or at least TRY to subvert it into something interesting, you talentless lazy fucks. Sexy McFaceTurn - Invariably one of the bad guy's hot ladies will see a boyish charm in the hero, even if the hero is supposed to be projected upon and therefore would actually have the social skills of a duck - or worse, me. What? I did that joke already? Fuck you, this joke's still more inspired than the Tales games RPGs. Anyways, upon getting wet for the hero, she will abandon her post and all its luxuries and join the party, clad in tight, black leather and probably using either knives or whips and will be your prereq dark-affinity character. She will be the sex appeal your game sells on, so be sure to slap her on all your promo materials even though she doesn't join until the mid-late game. Male versions of this idea die. I can't explain it - it's some straight-up Mr. Poofers dark magic, they just die. Annoying McMascot - Your game needs something bizarre to round the party out with. A talking dog is common. A fantasy creature with bright neon colors is also acceptable. Just make sure that players hate it with every fiber of their being. If the design alone isn't enough, give it an annoying speech habit - like a verbal tic or a lisp - and have it talk a lot and repeat the obvious a lot. It is by law that this must be implemented. However, unlike any of the above, this, coupled with the hero, cannot be killed off. And that should more or less do ya, unless you're the type who wanted to pour dozens upon dozens of dudes into your game. In which case, congrats, you understand that doing the absolute base minimum to be called a "game" isn't the bar you should be shooting for and therefore are already on your way to being better than Squeenix. Next, you need to get to codin'! So go on Steam and buy the latest RPG Maker software when it goes on sale. You won't need to wait long, between the Summer and Winter sales. Once you have that, you already have built-in art, music, and character makers. Fuck it - creativity is hard, so let the software tend to that itself. Make some characters and name some locations, jot up a map with some landmarks and treasure, then make a bad guy. Bad guy making is easy, they all wear black or dark reds and purples and tend to always call themselves "The [Whatever] Empire". You don't even need to be arsed to make a motivation for their evil schemes. Have you seen how much Fire Emblem Fates raked in just on the goodwill left over from Awakening? I'm surprised JRPGs aren't made by fucking algorithm these days! Anyways, that just about does it for the traditional RPG. Comedy RPGs aren't quite as bound to the above and are, in fact, encouraged to break the mold. If you need some ideas to get the creative juices flowin', there's a game you can try out, you might have heard about it since I haven't stopped fellating the damn thing since I did the LP back in 2013: Hourai High. Your plot doesn't need to make sense and is better off if any causality is merely coincidental. Your characters shouldn't really be trying to 'save the world', per se, but should do so by side-effect of their selfishness and/or incompetence. Your team should have robots, aliens, fucking CheetahMen, I don't fucking know, but take everything I said above this paragraph and throw it into a shredder, make it confetti, and wail on established convention! Sweet fucking mother - BE CREATIVE. I'm gonna temporarily break facade here for just a second and say this: you know how you bitched about Final Fantasy 15? How it's a fucking boyband music video with a fucking car commercial crammed in it?! How you hated the hallway simulator of FF13? How no one bought Bravely Second? How Dragon Quest keeps getting away with remaking the same fucking game?! Here's your chance. Flaunt on the establishment. Fuck what is "popular". Make something new. Don't try to be Shigesato Itoi. Do your own thing. Break the conditioning. Get out there and make a fucking game. Make it so when people say "RPG Maker Title" on Steam, they aren't saying it like it's a four-letter word. Put some God-damn soul into it, people! And now, off the soap box. Bonus points if you add a dating sim. Just saying. Rune Factory 5 just got announced. Now, get to work. Congrats. You now know how to be the most fucking boring milquetoast thing on the planet and how to avoid that ass-cancer and do something that actually expresses your individuality and possible talent. This is the one time I'm allowing these rants to be somewhat uplifting. You're welcome.

[sirladysketch]

Shit, so, you know how the best ideas come to you in the shower? So I was thinking about what I would do if I was gonna make a completely new kind of boss for an old school JRPG style game as an emulator type game, and it came to me: Narrative Karma

Hear me out. (Below the cut since this is sort of rambling)

A big part of the early games was going to talk to all the NPCs and getting the local gossip to unlock sidequests and minigames, right? And once you’re done talking to them, maybe they only have a couple of lines and they keep repeating them, over and over. In speed runs, you’ll see a player skip over this small town gossip and side quests in favor of just getting done with the game already, which, let’s be real honest here, is kind of a dick move towards the lore masters/narrative designers. (Unless this is playthrough 2, in which case they get a slight pass, depending on how much they actually bothered talking to NPCs in their first playthrough)

So what if the end boss isn’t that dude you’ve been chasing through all these levels, fighting against every turn, but some nobody you never gave the time of day to when you played? That NPC bartender who just wanted to tell you about the weird noises off in the caves to the north, or that little girl whose teddy bear retrieval sidequest only gained you like 5 gold, but she appreciates it every time you check on her, and tells you she’s gonna save YOU one day?

Basically, what if the hero is so busy being a hero that he/she ignores the people they’ve been trying to protect, and in the end these people turn on them? Maybe they’re not super strong, or have amazing powers, or even have more than one type of attack, but every character you slighted, every character you ignored in your haste to get to The End gangs up on you? In the end, sure, you kill them all, but are you really a hero at that point? What did you really win?

So what happens if you go the Nice Guy (tm) route?

This, my friends, this is where it gets fun.

You get to the final boss chamber, and it’s this evil chick who was behind it THE WHOLE TIME (fu fu fu) because, you know, cliched JRPG stuff. And you fight her, cool, it’s no big deal because you’ve been a Nice Guy (tm) and you’ve been grinding for this fight and you have, like, THE BEST OF THE BEST armor and stats and stuff and yeah, you can totally take her.

Then she does her whole dramatic “Oh no! Guess I’ll have to transform to defeat you!” spiel and she goes all crazy glitter and bondage (because this is a weird homage to Nomura Tetsuya and Yoshitaka Amano, IDK, just roll with it). Anyway, she materializes into this ridiculous dress, floats down to the floor.... and you hear a snap.

She’s broken the heel off her ridiculous outfit.

She’s not very happy about it.

In fact, she’s so UNHAPPY about her outfit that the game bluescreens, and you’re “kicked” to your wallpaper. She reappears on your screen, then proceeds to pull up a backend file of the sprites and specs for all of the gear you’ve ever equipped during the game, giving herself a fabulous new look. And you are basically tasked with chipping away all of that armor/gear before you can get to the real fight proper, because she keeps. opening. the. damn. file.

So. Shit. You completed every sidequest. Put on every piece of improved armor you found, because it’s easier to go into the cave of trolls with that new shield you picked up than bare handed. You’re gonna have to figure this out the next time you play: keep equipping the better stuff to stay safe as you go on ALL of those damn sidequests, or... just get by with what you can so that the crazy chick at the end of the game has diddly squat to work with?

But while it’s open, turnabout is fair play. Your party has a chance to click on items while the menu is open and steal them into your inventory. So, even if she managed to nab that dragoon armor, it’s fine, because you picked up the holy spear while the window was open.

And the fight keeps going, back and back and back, until you find a quest item that you never thought would really be of any use. It’s the teddy bear, the one you spent twenty minutes hiking through the wilderness to find so a little girl would stop having nightmares about the goblins that attacked her town.

And then another quest item appears, and another, and another, and suddenly everyone you ever helped is there, providing you with a near-impenetrable shield. You quickly defeat the evil chick and have a chance to decide her fate: finish her off? Or use one more spritemap manipulation, give her the extra teddy bear, and gain another 5 gold for your efforts?