#daya to day nothing changes but looking back everything is different

[brattyfics]

Pairing: Miguel Galindo x Daya Galindo [Black OC]

Word Count: 4,681

Synopsis | Masterlist

Chapter One

On the last leg of a week-long trip to San Diego, Daya Galindo did her best to remain engaging, open, and approachable.

Along with thirty other members of San Diego’s elite inner circle, she occupied one Petco Park’s most expensive and exclusive Skyboxes. Many of her nights were spent in the same Skybox attending the Padre’s baseball games.

This time, however, the Skybox has been transformed into a ballroom of sorts. Several circular tables were spaced out in the large room, eight chairs provided at each. Simple but elegant centerpieces decorated the tables.

The $10,000 a night Skybox opened up to the empty stadium on one side, and a breathtaking view of San Diego’s skyline on the other side. The sliding floor-to-ceiling windows were closed, and Daya found herself missing the fresh air she enjoyed on game days.

Most attendees remained inside, adding to the suffocating feeling in her chest.

Her husband, commercial real estate mogul and serial entrepreneur, Miguel Galindo, was one of the few people outside on the brick terrace. He used the balcony to take a private call.

“You look so pretty!” Marcy Stevens, the wife of a potential business partner, complimented Daya in a chipper tone.

An eight-hundred dollar silk cocktail dress stopped just above her ankles. An equally expensive pair of nude heels complimented the deep red of her dress. The front was designed to cover her breasts, giving the illusion of modesty while the fabric hugged her curves, outlining her shape. Thin straps were tied intricately on the back of the low cut dress. The ensemble was on-brand for Mrs. Galindo, a perfect balance between sexy and classy.

The big, springy curls that framed her heart-shaped face, bunching around the top of her shoulders, were also on brand. Her makeup was done simply, shades of brown and gold to complement her features.

Marcy was right. She did look stunning.

Regardless, Daya did her best to appear humbled by the compliment. It wasn’t that she was cocky or arrogant. The truth was she had become numb.

“You too! I love your lipstick. What shade is it?”

“Hmm. I’m not sure.” The middle-aged woman considered it for a moment before ruffling through her compact.

With a bright smile, she held the tube of lipstick up victoriously. She passed it over to Daya to inspect.

After pretending to take note of the brand and shade in her mind, she passed the tube back to Marcy. “Thank you.”

She couldn’t care less what shade of lipstick the woman wore, but the name of the game was flattery. Fundraising galas, country club banquets, and art exhibits had all become a blur of polite one-liners one after the other.

“It’s so nice to see you.” She lied even when it wasn’t.

“We have to have dinner and drinks soon.” She said to be polite, even when she’d rather not spend her time discussing the newest fashion releases with bored housewives.

“How are the kids?” She asked, although she had no interest in listening to parents ramble on about how great their mediocre children were.

“I love your dress. Who designed it?” Chances were she didn’t care.

A lively buzz of murmurs was standard for these events. Conversations flowed as freely as the champagne. Whether it was to foster relationships or just pass the time, people desperately spewed out the words like they would die if they couldn’t get it all out.

The constant chatter annoyed her, but Daya was able to connect with almost anyone on some level.

She knew a little bit about a lot of things, so conversations about sports, stock-trading, or even spa treatments were right up her alley. She never would have imagined herself as the type of woman to participate in meaningless conversations daily, but alas, she was. Her experience as a member of California’s high society was a far cry from her upbringing.

Daya Galindo was born Dayana Sims inside a community hospital in Hawthorne, California. Her mother, Denise Sims, settled in Cali sometime during her pregnancy. Denise didn’t talk about her life before Daya much. Her daughter knew almost nothing about her mother’s family or her reasons for moving to California. She didn’t even know her dad!

Daya was as inquisitive as any kid. She often wondered about him—who he was, what he looked like, where he lived, and if he ever thought about her. Her mother shut down any questions about him. The answer was always ‘stay in a child’s place’ or ‘grow up and let it go’. That was her mother’s response to anything uncomfortable, and inadvertently she taught her daughter to shrink herself to avoid conflict.

It was one of many bad habits that years of expensive therapy hadn’t completely fixed.

Denise had also taught her daughter to not form attachments. They moved around a lot when Daya was young. Most times it was only a few cities over, but each time she left someone behind. There was no explanation for why. That’s just how it was. She made it through her teens and early twenties without feeling the need to set down roots.

Her husband, Miguel, changed that.

On paper, Miguel Galindo was everything any woman would want in a husband. He was wealthy, smart, handsome, and charming when he wanted to be.

An honors graduate of Stanford, he quickly established a name for himself in business. Fresh out of college, he moved to New York and started a career in luxury real estate. From there, his interests transferred to commercial properties, and thus the entrepreneur in him was born. Miguel now owned successful businesses on both the East and West Coast.

When Daya met Miguel, he was new to Santo Padre and adjusting to his new lifestyle. The man who raised him died, and his mother, Dita was a wreck. Miguel vividly remembered the sounds of Jose beating Dita a room over, and the way he viciously chose his words to cut her down. Everyone thought she would be excited to start the next chapter of her life without him, but Dita took his death the hardest.

Becoming the man of the family meant his own complicated relationship with Jose was put on the back burner. His mother needed him, and the family business desperately needed tending to.

As the couple’s only child, he was the obvious heir. Regardless of his feelings about it, it was inevitable. Miguel’s future had been decided before he was even born.

Through the crystal clear glass, Daya watched Miguel’s face contort in annoyance. With a quick wave of his hand, he gestured for his head of security, Nestor Oceteva, to join him at his side. A few words were uttered between them before they were making their way inside. She expected Miguel to rejoin her at the table, but instead, he made a beeline for the elevators.

She was a little concerned, but not alarmed. If anything had gone seriously wrong, Miguel would be by her side, excusing them for the evening. He probably just needed more privacy.

Daya stepped up in his absence, focusing on the Stevens’ project in front of her.

Tom Stevens was Marcy’s husband and the owner of a chain of hotels in downtown San Diego. Property value in San Diego was higher than ever and steadily increasing, which made the hotels a worthy addition to Miguel’s portfolio.

An epiphany inspired Tom. He was passionate about the hotels because he built them from the ground up, but he realized his passion was better suited for home.

Marcy was a forty-something widower who decided to give love another chance with Tom. He was ten years her senior and even more unlucky in love, but he didn’t let his previously failed relationships stop him from trying again. The couple were newlyweds, and it showed with the way they giggled and grinned at each other every few seconds. It was cute watching them interact like love-struck teenagers.

Daya and Miguel had their moments, of course, but what they had was much different than the Stevens’. The young couple had gone through their rough patches and made it out on the other side, but the newlywed glimmer was definitely gone. Tom and Marcy were still open to each other and hopeful for the future. Willfully naive in Daya’s opinion.

No, what she and Miguel had was much more complicated. Neither of them trusted anybody completely, even themselves.

In between light conversation, she admired the night sky. In the distance, she could see the top of their hotel. It would be at least another hour before she could go back there, sinking into the king-sized mattress for the night. The Egyptian cotton sheets were calling her name.

“I was out in Brawley the other day, and I saw some of your signs up. What are you guys working on out there?”

If she remembered correctly, it was Luke that was speaking to her. Daya turned in her chair to face him as she responded.

Mama always said, “A woman’s work is never done.”

Another fifteen minutes passed before Miguel rejoined them, the vein in his forehead also present and in attendance.

Daya took a quick glance over her shoulder in search of Nestor. He wore a similar expression, confirming her suspicions.

They hadn’t resolved the problem.

Her hand found her husband’s thigh, softly stroking the strong muscle through his slacks. They sat close enough to the table that the movement was hidden. She smiled at him innocently when his eyes found hers for a second, a clear warning behind them.

A young woman with toffee-colored skin, and a short coiled Afro, approached the table, introducing herself as Eva.

Daya scanned her slim frame in the bright green dress she wore while Marcy explained how they met. Seven months ago, while volunteering at Skid Row, apparently.

Tom stood to offer Eva his seat, hand resting on the back of Marcy’s chair.

Eva talked about her non-profit organization, speaking passionately with her hands about what needed to be done to eradicate poverty. She shared her personal experience with homelessness, and how it shaped her life.

The expression on everyone’s faces said they were listening intently, but Daya knew better.

Millionaires didn’t care about poverty, because their wealth depended on it.

Daya had never been homeless, but she had been poor, and it wasn’t fun. Helping to dismantle capitalism was the last thing on her to-do list. She knew it was selfish, but she didn’t care.

While Eva spoke, Daya’s fingers inched up her husband’s thigh. She wasn’t surprised to find he was already half ready for her, his length thickening underneath his expensive slacks.

Miguel leaned over to whisper in her ear, the hairs of his beard just lightly tickling her ear.

“Watch yourself, conejita.”

The words sent a chill down her spine, but she didn’t remove her hand. Shifting in her seat, she crossed her legs in a poor attempt to dull the subtle throb below.  

To her left, Luke asked Eva a question, diverting everyone’s attention to him. Daya used it as an opportunity to push her man further.

“Or what, papi?” The term of endearment rolled off her tongue with ease.

“Keep it up and you’ll find out.” He whispered through clenched teeth, speaking without moving his mouth. It reminded her of a mother scolding their child, and she resisted the urge to laugh.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” She warned Miguel, tapping his knee patronizingly.

Miguel’s arm came up to rest on the top of her chair, and his head dipped to whisper in her ear once more.

“Brat.” The word triggered something in her, and she bit the inside of her cheek.

A better woman would be annoyed by the nickname, or even insulted. Along with other words a wholesome woman wouldn’t appreciate, brat was a term of endearment between them.

Daya straightened, trying to clear her mind of dirty thoughts. The heated looks they were giving each other weren’t appropriate for the topic of discussion.

When she and Eva made eye contact, she nodded politely. When the woman stopped speaking, she would need to have something of substance to add to the conversation.

“Are you ready to go?” Miguel asked his wife, hand resting on her hip. She sighed with relief at his words.

The two of them had left the table under the guise of socializing, only to slowly make their way out onto the balcony.

"I've been ready. I hate to say it, but Marcy is working on my last nerve." Daya groaned as she remembered how Marcy kept her locked down for the past forty minutes. She had left the woman inside, and she hoped Marcy had found someone else to occupy her time.

"I don't know how many more fake bathroom breaks I could have taken before she noticed it was just to get away from her."

Miguel smirked at his flustered wife. She had a good poker face and tried to sell that nothing could face her. It was always a little entertaining to see cracks in her facade.

“I just hope this is all worth it. I have a headache from listening to everyone talk, and I can feel blisters forming on my feet.” She complained, pouting up at him.

Miguel dropped a quick kiss to her lips in apology before sparing a glance at her feet. "You don't have blisters, honey."

“You don’t have blisters, honey.”

“How do you know?”

Daya’s eyebrows raised, challenging him.

“I just do.”

“Well, how about you inspect them tonight when you’re massaging them?” She asked in a sweet tone.

Miguel laughed.

“Is that your way of asking for a foot massage?”

Daya nodded.

“Come on, loca. Let’s say our goodbyes, so we can get out of here.”

Locking hands, the couple began the slow process of trading goodbyes and promises for later dates. Another fifteen minutes later, they made it outside into the chilly night air, the California breeze kissing their skin. Daya was more than relieved to see the fleet of black SUVs that waited for them.

Nestor Oceteva stood by the truck in the middle, opening the back door for them. “Thank you, Ness.” Daya told him, accepting his help up into the vehicle.

A driver and Nestor's second-in-command and cousin, Antonio Oceteva, occupied the front seats. Daya greeted them both warmly as she crawled across the leather seats.

"I can't wait to get out of these shoes." She said to no one in particular.

With no answer, she slid across the seat to see what the hold up was. Miguel stood outside of the car, several feet away. In a heated tone, he and Nestor discussed something she couldn't make out.

Antonio turned around in his seat to stop her, hand stopping just before it touched her knee. She eyed his hesitant hand for a moment before she met his eyes. Neither of them spoke for a moment.

Antonio was all business when he gathered himself to speak. "He'll be with you shortly, Mrs. Galindo." She huffed in response.

Daya craned her neck to look out of the window once more, but it didn't do much good. From her vantage point she could see that Nestor wasn’t happy, but not much else.

"What's going on?" She asked Antonio catching his hazel eyes in the rear view mirror. He didn't look worried, and that helped to soothe her some. At the same time, she knew it could just be his military training at work.

"I'm not sure, ma'am." He spoke in an even tone, giving nothing away. She thanked him but continued to look out of the window.

Daya didn’t need to know every single gory detail, but Miguel knew she hated being left in the dark. It created distance between them and made her feel shut out.

She could almost hear her therapist telling her to slow down and think. Logically, she knew Miguel meant no harm, but it reminded her of her childhood, making her feel small and insignificant.

He found her in the backseat with her arms crossed, eyes closed, and heeled feet tapping impatiently against the floor of the car.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, mi amor.” With a simple nod, he signaled for the driver to take them to the hotel.

His warm hand found her belly, holding her there while his tongue slipped past her pouty lips into her mouth.

She responded the way he expected, melting under his touch. Soft hands cupped his face, deepening the kiss. His hands slid down to rest on the curve of her ass as she leaned into him. With each movement, Daya felt less tense. Several moments passed before they broke apart.

“What’s happening?” Daya asked, breathless from the kiss. Her eyes scanned Miguel's face for answers.

“It’s nothing you should worry yourself about.”

Miguel’s hands roamed her body, but she knew it was a distraction.

There’s a saying, “You either tell your wife everything, or nothing.”

Miguel often found himself stuck somewhere in the middle. There had been a time where he told her almost everything. Now, he operated on a need-to-know basis.

“That’s your favorite thing to say these days.” Daya said it with a smile, but her eyes told a different story.

“I didn’t mean it that way, mi alma. I just mean it’s not important enough to bother you with. I’m going to take care of it tonight, and then it’s done.”

“You’re leaving tonight?” She didn’t bother to hide that she was upset anymore.

The couple had spent the last three days in San Diego, occupying the penthouse suite of a downtown hotel. Their home was located in Santo Padre, a small border town on the outskirts of Calexico, two hours away from San Diego. Miguel had several meetings in San Diego during the week--with Tom, one of his lawyers, and the event. It just made more sense to stay in town for the week, rather than make the trek back and forth.

“I know I promised, but...yes. I have to take care of this tonight.”

The young couple had agreed to use the few days as a mini-vacation to recharge and spend quality time together. He had kept his promise so far, but she wasn’t happy their time together would be ending early.

“I understand.” Business came first. Always.

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being like anything. I said it’s fine.” She pushed down the anger she felt bubbling in her chest. “Seriously, I’m not upset. There’s no point. You’re still going to do what you have to. Right?”

He nodded, watching as she checked out of the conversation. She faced the window, staring out of it at the blur of lights.

“Do you want to go home? If that will make you more comfortable, they can take you tonight.”

“No. I’m okay. I don’t want to be on the road in the dark." She told him with a grimace. "I’ll find a way to entertain myself.”

The blur of neon lights transitioned into shades of shadowy grey as they entered the parking garage of the hotel.

“Nestor’s going with me, but Antonio will be here along with…” Daya tuned out as he named the guards that would stay in San Diego with her.

“They’ll take you home in the morning.” She nodded, gathering her bearings as the driver parked.

“Will you be there?”

“I’ll try.” She was disappointed in his answer, but at least he wasn’t getting her hopes up.

Antonio opened her door, and she accepted his warm, calloused hand as she stepped out of the vehicle.

Miguel met her halfway at the back of the truck, opening his arms for a hug. She stepped into them, the smell of his signature cologne washing over her. It relaxed her, and she forced herself to enjoy the moment. She was annoyed at her husband, but she loved him and wanted to appreciate every moment with him.

“Be good.” He whispered in her ear, tone gentle, but serious.

“I can’t make any promises.”

Antonio averted his gaze, turning his back to them. Nestor and the guards followed, choosing instead to focus on different parts of the garage. There were plenty of shadows for a person to hide in, and the couple needed privacy.

Miguel’s arms tightened around her waist, squeezing to let her know he was serious.

“You heard what I said.”

Before she could get a smart response out, she felt his manhood poking against her belly. Miguel wasn’t a tyrant, but he liked to play King of the Jungle sometimes; backing her into corners, and giving her silly ultimatums that he knew she’d rebel against. It was a fun game because it elicited a carnal response in both of them to fight for dominance.

“Be good or else I’m going to have to spank this fat ass.” She gasped as his hands cupped her ass. He squeezed the fat in his hands before jiggling it.

Daya moaned quietly, pinching her plump bottom lip under her teeth.

“You’ve told me what’s behind door number one. Now, what do I get for being a good girl? ‘Cause I have to say door number one doesn’t sound so bad right now.”

He pretended to think, cocking his head to the side. “What’s the saying, ‘happy husband, happy life’?”

Daya pressed a kiss to his chin. “That’s definitely not the saying, but fine. I’ll be good, but you owe me a foot massage for skipping out early.”

“I thought I owed you one because of the heels.”

“Thanks for reminding me.” She would also have to pack his luggage for him. “Three. You’re in the hole for three foot massages, mister. I expect full payment by the end of the month. Got it?” There were plenty of people with better massage skills than her husband, but for some reason, they felt better when they came from him.

“I have no idea how you calculated three, but yes ma’am. I miss you already, conejita.”

Her arms circled his neck, pulling him for a kiss. “I miss you more."

Years of learning each other made it so they were in sync when their lips met, stoking fires in each other that wouldn't be extinguished any time soon.

“I. Love. You.” She told him in between greedy pecks. “Call me when you get a chance, ‘kay?” He nodded, understanding she meant for him to call when he reached the border. She would probably be asleep by the time he made it there, but it made her feel better when he checked in.

“I love you too.”

Entering the luxurious penthouse suite, the first thing Daya did was free herself from the designer death traps disguised as shoes.

There were plenty of amenities for her to enjoy— a jacuzzi style bathtub, and a spacious balcony with a breathtaking view of the bayfront. She intended to make the most of her time alone.

After assuring Antonio she was in for the night and wouldn't need his services, she stripped down to her birthday suit and ran a bubble bath.

The purple bottle was nearly finished from all the bubble baths she'd taken during the week. Whiffs of the lavender essential oil flowed up through her nose as she eased herself down into the rectangular tub. Powerful jets massaged her aching muscles with hot water, washing the day away.

Her hair sat in a messy bun on top of her head, loose strands clinging to her neck. Sweat beaded on her forehead and her hair puffed up with frizz, but she didn't let it bother her.

Old school R&B played on her phone. She could barely hear it over the sound of the jets, but she crooned right along with the singer enthusiastically.

Eventually, the water was too cool to stand and she was forced to get out. With wrinkled palms, she dried herself off with the fluffy white towel.

Wrapping it around her midsection, she settled into the low chair of the vanity. It took some time, but she carefully removed her makeup and moisturized her skin.

Staring at herself in the mirror without all the bells and whistles was always a little humbling. It felt dramatic, like she was in a cheesy coming of age movie or something, but it was eye-opening. So much of her time was spent pretending for others—dressing her body up, and her personality down.

The exclusive parties and expensive accessories were fun, but they weren't everything. Most people that came across her thought she was superficial, but in reality, she was the opposite. She would never be able to convince them otherwise and that was fine.

The people that knew her understood her, and that was all that mattered. She had a close-knit, but complicated relationship with her friend group. Most of them had known each other for years, so there were layers to their relationships.

Daya, her very best friend, Ariel Castillo, and Ezekiel Reyes made up the core group.

The three of them met freshman year when Daya moved to Santo Padre. Along with the pressures of going to a new school, she had to deal with being the small fry in a group of big fish. Ariel and Ezekiel had been there to make the experience bearable. They connected through honor classes and bonded over their shared desire to go somewhere else, and be someone different.

Miraculously, all of them ended up stuck in Santo Padre.

Ariel received a full-ride scholarship to UCLA. She made it through the first year and a half, completing all her core courses, but then her father got sick. She came home to take care of him, but couldn't bring herself to leave again when he got better. So she settled, forgot her dreams of being a surgeon, and went to nursing school. Ariel was great at her job, the best Santo Padre Medical had to offer, but it hadn't been her dream.

Ezekiel hadn't even made it through his first year of college when his mother was shot and killed in his father's store. Her unexpected death made him spiral, sending him on a witch hunt to find out who was responsible. One thing led to another and he made a fatal mistake that ended him up in prison for eight years.

Daya never left Santo Padre for college. She was good with academics in high school, but always had a passion for art. Her mother didn't have any money to put towards college, and she wasn't particularly excited about spending another four years in school. So, she did what she was good at, designing web pages for business owners around Santo Padre. 

It didn't pay great, but it allowed her to make connections. People were impressed with her work and shared it with their friends and partners. With a stroke of good luck, she was able to form the connections and save the money to start her own web development and design company. In thirteen years' time, she expanded the business across California from Santo Padre to Los Angeles, becoming one of the most popular and successful in its industry. Daya had touched more money than she ever thought possible.

She had traveled for a while, creating new stations took time and a lot of energy. In between, she went on trips out of the country, learning about new cultures and customs. It was hard to do with a growing business, but the experiences were worth it.

Eventually, she met Miguel, a kindred spirit who wished to be anywhere but Santo Padre. It was ironic that it was the very place they were both forced to settle. Miguel out of duty, Daya out of love and stability.

People came to Santo Padre from the north, south, east, and west.  From Northern Cali, Arizona, or Mexico. The quaint town was like a vortex, drawing people towards it from all sides. Most were smart enough to pass through, but those that stopped stayed forever.

GENERAL TAGLIST:

@woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @sheeshgivemeabreak @breakingnewsin-no-oneasked @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @glimmerglittergirl @apantherinmypastlife @brownsugarcoffy @marvelmaree @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @thewarriorprincessxo @ifoundmyhappythought @sadeyesgf @pearlkitten33 @imanerdychubbyqueen @literaturefeen @thesandbeneathmytoes

“DEARLY DEPARTED” TAGLIST:

@buttercup812 @princesscornbread @oa-zidan @tian-monique​ @lovebennycolon @aria725​

[crygimethydgoode]

Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 2 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) August

you weren’t mine to lose

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80027479#workskin

Summer 2019

Between

Gigi sat in the back of the jeep in silence, listening to Rosy talk on the phone with Symone. Hunter kept his eyes on the road, but Gigi could feel him looking at her every minute or so. Like he thought she was going to break or something. “Yeah so we dropped Crystal off at the airport- yeah she was on the show with Gigi- well that’s why I’m bringing her up cause- Symone- Listen I’m trying to say that- stop asking questions! WE WILL BE HOME IN FIFTEEN MINUTES AND THEN GIGI WILL TELL US EVERYTHING! No, she hasn't told us anything cause... well... yeah. I- YES SYMONE BECAUSE SHE WAS CRYING,” Gigi and Hunter’s heads both whipped to glare at Rosy. “Sorry Geege,” Rosy muttered, shooting her a bashful smile. “We’ll be there soon, Symone. Bye,” Rosy hung up the phone and turned around in her seat, grabbing Gigi’s hand. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“It’s okay,” Gigi forced a smile. She really couldn’t be bothered to care. Not when she had just said goodbye to Crystal. Not when she had just found out about... everything. Not when the fire in Gigi’s chest had turned into a cold, empty... nothingness. Not when Crystal was worlds away.

As Hunter pulled into the driveway, Gigi saw Symone sprinting out the door to meet them. Despite everything, Gigi was relieved to see Symone and rushed out of the car to hug her.

“Geeeeeeeeeege,” Symone whispered, arms wrapped tight around her.

“Hi,” Gigi was choked up, realizing she was actually back. She could be normal again. Well, until the season was announced. Gigi knew her life would be utter chaos once the season aired. For now, she could just be one of the successful L.A. queens. Symone pulled away, grinning at Gigi.

“You had a whole welcoming entourage ready, but I told them you were exhausted and would see everyone tonight. Let’s go to your place and talk, okay?” Symone said evenly. Gigi couldn’t find the words but nodded gratefully as they crossed the street to her house.

“Everything is... the same,” Gigi was confused walking through her house. Everything was exactly where she had left it, untouched. But it all felt so utterly foreign, almost like Gigi was walking through a movie set of her house. Wasn’t she just in her hotel room with Crystal? How did she get here? “Did anything happen? While I was gone?” Gigi asked in an odd voice, looking around.

“No. We had an awfully boring time without you. Everything is the same as it was when you left,” Symone answered, unbothered. Rosy’s back was to Gigi, staring at one of the posters on the wall. But Hunter was looking at Gigi, a concerned expression on his face. Gigi could feel his calculating eyes on her and turned to look at him. Why was everything the same?

“Geege? What’s up?” Hunter asked cautiously, slowly crossing to her. Rosy wasn’t looking at the poster anymore.

“If... if nothing changed...” Gigi struggled to find the words, taking a deep shuddering breath. “If nothing changed... Why does... Why does it all feel so... why do I feel so different?” her voice was barely above a whisper, and she was mortified to feel tears springing to her eyes. “What’s wrong with me?” Gigi’s voice cracked, and Symone quickly rushed to her, sitting her down on the couch.

“Gigi... what the hell happened?” Rosy asked in her sweet voice. Gigi knew that voice like the back of her hand. Why did it sound so... foreign?

“I... I don’t even know,” Gigi whispered. Hunter rolled his eyes and plopped down next to Gigi on the couch.

“Bullshit. She met someone. Crystal... Methyd? One of the queens. And someone obviously self-destructed and fell for her during the show despite the fact that she lives halfway across the country. And has a boyfriend. And now she’s... yeah,” Hunter trailed off, and Gigi couldn’t help but laugh. Oh yeah. Crystal. That’s why everything had felt so different, so foreign. Gigi had been off in her own little world during Drag Race, just her and Crystal getting through the competition together, leaning on each other. And now she was back in the real world.

“I wanna hear about this Crystal Methyd. Why’s she got you going crazy? She’s not that great, is she?” Symone asked. Hunter, Gigi, and Rosy were deathly quiet, not meeting her eyes. They all knew. Finally, Hunter spoke up.

“Crystal is... really fucking amazing. We talked to her for like half an hour and she was just... the best,” Hunter admitted, Symone slowly nodded. Rosy, who had been oddly quiet, finally burst out.

“SHE’S SO COOL! Like she was so funny and so witty but so... nice. And Crystal really just has the best vibes like I feel like I could talk to her for hours. And she has a mullet!! Also, I stalked her on Instagram and her drag is so cool! She’s one of us,” Rosy sounded so excited, and Gigi felt her heart break a little. It wasn’t just her. Everyone saw how magical Crystal was. How did Gigi already miss her so much? Hadn’t she been with Crystal not even an hour ago? Why did it feel like Gigi hadn’t seen her in months?

“Alright I get it, she’s amazing. But still. What the hell happened?” Symone implored. Rosy and Hunter were looking at Gigi too, waiting for her to speak. And so she began. Gigi told them everything. How she was immediately fascinated by Crystal when she came into the werkroom. How Crystal’s room was next to hers. Gigi told them about the night she finally knocked on Crystal’s door, and how everything was different after that night. How they leaned on each other. How so many things went unspoken between them. How Gigi slowly fell for Crystal, except it wasn’t slow at all. How from the moment Crystal walked into the Werkroom Gigi knew she was doomed but didn’t want to admit it. And how Crystal told her about Paul at the airport, a guilty look on her face. Finally, she finished. Hunter, Rosy, and Symone were shocked, still just looking at Gigi. That was until a grin slowly spread on Rosy’s face.

“So what I’m hearing is... you get a real-life slowburn rom-com?” Rosy was trying to contain the excitement in her voice, but Gigi heard it loud and clear. Rosy dissolved into giggles, Gigi silently laughed into her hands, shoulders shaking. And Symone was just screaming.

“ALRIGHT NOPE!” Hunter yelled over the cackling. “This is why I’m SICK of you bitches. You say you’re gonna ‘slow burn’ and get your heart broken. NO GIGI.” He tried to sound strict, but Gigi knew he was fighting not to laugh.

“HAHA OKAY!” Symone cackled, and Rosy doubled over in laughter. “When has Gigi EVER listened to Hunter?!?!” And now Hunter was laughing too. And as Gigi looked at her dearest friends, she was relieved to finally feel happy to be home.

But she still felt like a part of her was missing, somewhere in the skies, on a plane back to Missouri.

But missing Crystal became easier. For a moment Gigi had been nervous. Nervous that she wouldn’t be able to handle it. But it was hard to miss Crystal when they talked every day. Every day, no matter what, they texted back and forth about the dumbest, smallest things. And no matter what, every Friday night Crystal FaceTimed Gigi before she went to bed. Sometimes they’d only talk for fifteen minutes. But some nights, after talking for hours, Crystal rubbing her eyes and slowly starting to slur her words, Gigi unable to hold back her yawns anymore, the two would just fall asleep together on FaceTime, neither of them wanting to hang up. It was nice.

Too bad Paul was there sometimes.

But Gigi surprisingly wasn’t bothered. Because Paul didn’t talk.

That’s a bit harsh. Paul was very quiet. Gigi was almost reminded of Crystal with the other girls, always keeping to herself unless spoken to. Gigi had always thought that’s just what Crystal was like in big groups. But now she knew. That’s what Crystal’s... life was like. But she didn’t seem to mind. So Gigi left it alone, and tried not to even think about Paul, knowing it would just drive her crazy. And she waited.

Fall 2019

Still Between

So for two months Gigi felt that aching emptiness in her chest, but it was bearable. She just felt so lucky that she got to miss someone like Crystal. And then, one Sunday morning in October, Gigi woke up to a voicemail from Crystal that left her body glowing gold with hope.

“GIGI!! Gigi. Giiiiiiiigiiiiiii. Hi. Hi it’s- it’s Crystal. Crystal Methyd. Crystal ELIZABETH Methyd, thank you. Gigi, we're gonna be famous. I never thought that would actually happen, you know? But I think... I think we’re gonna be REALLY famous. But... I don’t really care about that, I guess... ‘cause I just- I miss you Gigi Goode. Mmmmm I miss you soooooo much. And I- you wanna know how much I miss you? I’m really fucking drunk right now. And I-I’m with my friends and I’m very drunk right now. And I-I’m with my friends and I’m- I’m with my friends and I won’t stop talking about you. Lux says she’s sick of hearing your name. But I think your name is beautiful. But they- they said I talk about missing you wayyyyyy too much, and that I should just- like go live with you. Um... but I can’t... do that... so instead Daya got out her laptop and we got three plane tickets to go to L.A. in November. And I found a really cute air bnb in East Hollywood, right by you. Because I... I’m drunk and I really miss you. A lot. Paul’s asleep upstairs. He’s uh... sleeping I think. I miss you. And I want to see you really bad. So I’m coming to see you. Please don’t leave to go home while I’m in L.A. please. I really miss you. Because I’m... drunk... and the more sober I get... I think I start to miss you even more... so... yeah. Anyways bye, Gigi. Sincerely, Crystal Methyd. Bye.”

[dayasbun]

i have a request :)) z and reader are best friends that are crushing on each other and they act on their feelings during a sleepover

really loved this! such a gorgeously precious and pure concept, hope I do it justice for you :) much love, ty for the request+enjoy!!!!

-

"Hey!" you said softly to your best friend, opening the door wider so she could come in.

"Hey bubba" she greeted you with the soft nickname she had been calling you for years, the one that always brought a smile to your face.

It had been a few weeks since you had last seen her, so a smile couldn't help but to be planted on your lips. You had missed her, you always did. You two had been planning this sleepover for months, but due to busy schedules it was just now taking place. However, you couldn't complain, spending time with Daya in general was always such a treat for you.

You watched her as she neatly took off her shoes and left them by the door. Your mind began to wander yet again to the thought of her long slender legs abd her plump juicy lips that you would love to get just a slight taste o-

"Y/N?? Earth to Y/N?!"

"S-sorry" you stuttered, trying to keep your chill. "What's up?"

"You look like you saw a ghost or something-"

"Oh! No I'm fine, just zoned out a bit is all...you know me!"

Zendaya nodded slowly, though a clear look of confusion was still written all over her face "Alright, well I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'll be back down."

You grinned and held a thumbs up, which caused her to smile as well. Once she was upstairs you let out a breath. Your feelings for the girl you usually called a sister to you had been changing rapidly over the past year. You knew Z was pretty- hell, she was absolutely gorgeous. Everyone knew that...your family, your friends, even your friends family. People envied the friendship you two had. You had both been close since you were kids, so there was nothing you didn't tell each other.

That is until last summer, when you started seeing Zendaya in a different light.

You had never been too interested in girls. Its not like there was anything wrong with them, after all you were one yourself. Its just that boys seemed to be your strong suite, and a girl didn't seem to satisfy the needs you thought were necessary to be fulfilled.

That was of course until you started seeing Daya differently. To say she was pretty should've been an understatement, but when you thought of her you began to freeze and that was the only word you could seem to mutter out. Her lips suddenly began to look so delicious, you noticed she always kept them moisturized. It kept them looking plump and absolutely delectable, some nights you couldn't help but to simply lay in bed with your mind wondering onto the thoughts that were her lips pressed agaubst yours. Her skin was so beautifully toned, and everytime you saw her you desperately tried to look for a flaw she had, to try to stop the feelings that were blooming; but you could never find one. Falling hopelessly for your best friend was quite the cliche, and it was a mold you didn't want to fit into....but when your best friend looks like Z does....

"All done!" she came bouncing down the stairs in all of her glory. You swore that the way the light hit her made her look like an absolute angel. She was wearing a cropped dirty dancing shirt with a pair of what she called 'appropriate' shorts. She didn't have too much of an ass, but what she did have she liked to cover. She hated when girls asses hung out of the bottom of their jeans, she told you that one day when you two stopped for a bite to eat at Panera Bread. You made sure to try on all of your shorts when you got home later that day, and ended up donating a few pairs.

You smiled hearing her voice, it was smooth like silk and it strangely soothed you. "Mkay, you hungry?"

Zendaya nodded sitting at the counter, her eyes never leaving yours. God, you felt so intimidated when she did that. You knew she loved eye contact but fuck.

"How does leftover mac and cheese i made last night sound?" you questioned, knowing she would say 'its fine!'

"That sounds fine, thanks bub."

You nodded and placed the microwave safe container of cheesy goodness into the silver microwave you kept on your counter- next to the cookie jar, Z's placing not yours- and looked back at her. She had never looked away from you. She was acting so different, it made you feel a bit strange, a mix of turned on with turned off which equals- well neutral. You didn't know what she was thinking and that bothered you...alot.

"Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"What's your sexuality again? It always seems to slip my mind."

Your heart raced after hearing the question. You took two plates out of the cabinets as you answered, anything to avoid looking at her. "I'm not quite sure, I would assume bisexual but leaning more towards guys? I guess? Maybe I should figure it out more."

"You should, and I could always help you figure anything out...if you ever needed help."

that tone.

that tone isn't just friendly.

"I'll keep that in mind Z." You chuckled nervously, palms feeling a bit sweaty as your hands shook lightly where Zendaya couldn't see them. Was she flirting? That's all you wanted to know- With that sultry stare and that intensity of eye contact she has to be-right?...Or were you imagining things?

However her facial expression changed up quick as she smiled sweetly at you, causing you to calm down a bit and look away. "We should watch a movie or something!"

You nodded in agreement "Hmm...Disney movie?"

"How about yes- the original Alice in Wonderland sounds great."

You nodded eagerly as you made your way to the living room, you loved that film and she knew you did.

Turning off all of the lights you two cuddled up on the sofa under the softest blanket you owned. The light of the movie you had practically memorized reflected on your skin and hers.

Everything felt perfect.

Your breath hitched as you felt her press her lips to your neck- what was she doing? She kissed every so softly, her lips traveling from your neck to your jaw.

"D-daya-" you hated that you were stuttering, but her effect on you left you feeling completely unwound.

"Should I stop?" she asked innocently, she knew exactly what she was doing, and you knew she knew.

"Don't."

So she didn't, the kisses got a bit more intense which led to her leaving love bites imprinted on you soft skin. The microwave beeped but neither of you moved, the moment too intensely wonderful to be broken up.

Eventually she stopped, and you looked over at her. Your eyes met in the darkness- her face was flushed and you felt as though yours was too.

"So..."

"So you liked that?"

"Yeah, I liked that but I like you too." you blurted out, your eyes widening after realizing what you had said. But now it was too late, she knew. There was no more hiding it and there was no way you could take it back...you could say you were joking but she always seemed to know when you were lying.

To your surprise she grinned, looking down and biting her lip- a habit she carried out whenever she was nervous. "I like you...too." And after those words were spoken from her, your confidence peaked as you leaned over and pressed your lips to hers.

You finally tasted them, and it was everything you had ever wanted.

[dayaray]

Who: @switchjasper, @maliafahey, @kylapawter, and @dayaray

What: Malia and Jasper get drunk and climb trees escape their issues. Jasper’s arm gets broke and he has to go to the hospital. Awkwardness ensues when Kyla and Daya both show up.

Where: Manor Park / Hospital

When: Sunday evening, 3/22/20

Warnings: physical and emotional ouchies

Jasper

The first time Malia told Jasper that climbing trees was freeing, he was skeptical. Insanely so, really. But after the entire mess of his life exploded and broke him, it turned out to be one of the things that actually helped. Aside from the copious amounts of alcohol. And Kyla. He wobbled on the tree branch, swinging his legs and holding on to it on either side of him. His head spun, but it was good. A good spin. Not the bad spin that he was growing used to. His heart felt lighter when he was like this-- when his brain couldn’t form enough coherent thoughts to make his chest ache with longing. 

That steady ache in his back hadn’t gone away, though. Like a throbbing. Not a psychosomatic feeling like his heartache, but an actual ache that made him roll his shoulders much more often. And ask Kyla to rub icy hot on his shoulder blades after a shower. Kyla. She was good. Good friend. Like Malia. But Malia had her own share of problems, like him. He swayed on the branch. She was speaking, but he heard nothing but the sounds. No words, cotton in his ears.

“Feels good, you know?” His grin was lazy and not quite all there. “Just.. up here, away from fucking.. everything. With you. You’re good. I’m good. This tree is our lifeline.”

Malia

Malia was in the midst of one of her rambles. Truth be told, she wasn't even entirely sure she knew what she was saying. It was all a blur, fogged by the many, many shots she'd downed earlier that night with no question of if that was a good idea. She was just trying to fill the void of the night, relieve the silence in the air. She let out a huff of a laugh when Jasper's words made it to her addled brain. Whatever he was saying, it sure sounded interesting. It was too bad she didn't catch much of anything until This tree is our lifeline. 

"Lifeline, huh? We gotta...hm..we gotta be close to death to need a lifeline, don't we?" Immediately, she grimaced and hurriedly covered her tracks as her morbid words settled in. Before he could response-- "NOPE. Nope, we're not-- nope, nevermind-- this is-- this is totally just-- yeah." She needed to go higher. Needed more air. So she started to hoist herself up another branch on limbs that didn't feel like hers. It was weird, being this drunk and not doing anything, not fucking anyone, just being. She almost slipped, but she recovered easily, being so practiced and familiar with climbing.

"Hey erm--" She took a deep breath, looking up at the sky. "Did I ever tell you 'bout what happened with Ainsley?"

Jasper

Jasper watched her climb, laughing and about to start his own ramble about drowning, but then realized that maybe his metaphor was wrong. When had he even written last? Was that a thing he did anymore? Probably not. Her words floated to him and he tilted his head to watch her climb and her foot slide-- He might have panicked if he weren’t drunk. Instead, he joined her. Going up higher to match her, and he understood why. The higher up they were, the freer he felt. Her got it. It was cosmic. Metaphysical. Beautiful. He was drunk.

“Ainsley?” He closed his eyes, swaying almost with the breeze, and tried to remember. “Mmm, Just that you liked her, I think.” His grip on the branch loosened and he turned his gaze towards the surrounding area instead of up at the sky, the vast endlessness of it making him dizzy. The city was beautiful when it wasn’t trying to hurt him. “What’s up?”

Malia

Malia shrugged, as if that answered his question. And it took her a long moment of thinking to put her thoughts together before she finally spoke again. When she did, her tone shifted considerably. No longer was it whimsical, chaotic, and just overwhelmingly Malia. It was sad.  Defeated. "Dunno, we did a scene and she uh-- " So much for having her thoughts together. She wished she could just telepathically tell him, show him-- draw him a damn diagram. Anything but say it out loud. It was uncomfortable, but certainly much easier when she was intoxicated. "It just didn't feel right. Felt real weird."

For a second, she could have swore it was raining-- but nope. She was crying. Malia hurriedly brushed them away, only for more to fall and her voice to quiver even more. "Like she wasn't all the way there-- like she....she didn't like me as much as I like her. 'Cause if she did- I wouldn't..we wouldn't have..it just wasn't right. I feel like I disappointed her or somethin' and we haven't talked much--" It came out all at once and she had to stop herself, suddenly out of breath. "I-- " She needed to change the subject again. "So have you heard from Daya?"

Jasper

Oh. It was serious. His attention snapped to her immediately, through the haze. Out of instinct, he climbed higher, to be right next to her. Might have been the mistake that sealed his fate, that, but he didn’t care. His best friend was crying. And he felt the hurt rolling off of her in waves. His arms wrapped around her, even with his balance off-center. It was a too-tight hug and he understood it. It was the same ache he felt every single day. She deserved better than to have to feel that, whatever was going on. Malia needed happiness too.

So Jasper, at a loss for words, let himself ramble his thoughts out. “Whatever it is-- whatever that.. that-- that happened, it’s.. she’s--” He didn’t know her, though. Not really. “It’s gonna be okay. It’ll.. you guys-- you’re gonna figure it out and maybe it’s awkward.. and uh, maybe she.. Hm. Maybe she’s just bad at scenes? Cause I was. Am? Was. Maybe it’s that. And she’s just like.. embarrassed or something?” It was bad reassurance, but it was him trying to see sense of a weird situation. Maybe make her laugh and then it all punched him in the gut as soon as she said her name.

“Oh.” His voice was quiet. “No, we don’t talk anymore.”

Malia

Malia welcomed Jasper's embrace, turning her face to the side to wipe her tears on her shirt so she didn't get them on him when she rested her head against his shoulder. As he rambled, she let out a chuckle, crying through the sadness. Jasper was ridiculous. And her best friend. And maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn't Malia's fault-- maybe she didn't disappoint her and maybe it was just-- that one night. Maybe.  It was enough to stop the pressure behind her eyes, but not enough to ease the hurt of rejection thudding in her chest, dulling everything.  

As it turned out, changing the subject to Daya was not the right move. Wobbling slightly, she part an arm around him as best she could, knowing she'd said the wrong thing. A selfish part of her remembered the nights she'd infiltrated their home--- Daya's home-- and that selfish part of her wanted her found family to work it out somehow. She shook her head at herself, mumbling, "Sorry."-- an apology for both her thoughts and for bringing Daya up.

A beat and a sniffle later. "Think uhh.....D'ya think if I showed up at Ainsley's buck naked, it'd fix it?"

Jasper

The laugh was what he was looking for, and it really was just a bandaid on a bullet hole, but it was the best thing he could do right now while words didn’t seem to want to work. They’d be okay, though. They had to be. If it wasn’t going to work out with her and Ainsley, she’d be okay. But maybe it really was just.. something else that had nothing to do with Malia. He hoped. For her. He’d never seen her cry before and that hurt nearly as much as his own pain throbbing in his chest. Instead of answering her apology, he just squeezed her tightly to him-- his trademark bear hugs and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, you chaotic fuck. It’s gonna be okay.” But he found himself laughing out loud at her suggestion, “No, absolutely do not do that, okay? Nooope.”

He pulled back and went to situate himself to look at her better and that’s when the mistake really was made. Jasper made the move to set his hand on the branch to support himself and misjudged, toppling over the branch. All in all, it was a second-- but he felt like he was spinning out again. There was a loud crunch and snap that he thought was a branch breaking on his way down, until he felt the white hot pain through his arm and looked down to see it sitting at an odd angle. “...Oh.”

Malia

Malia offered a somber grin, taking in his comfort. Jasper, in general, was a calming presence. Much different from her usual chaotic bunch of friends and she loved him all the more for it. "I love you too, dude. And aight, aight, noted, I'm not gonna do it." She laughed, echoing his and once again, feeling lighter. Then suddenly Jasper wasn't wrapped around her anymore and was...falling, instead? She blinked a few times and it felt like everything was happening in slow motion.

She had to catch him. Or stop him. Or help him. Or something. As expected, in her drunken state, she was not capable of such a thing. Even if she were sober, there was still no way she'd be able to catch a falling grown man.  As she lurched forward, panic immediately set in and quicker than she anticipated, she managed to catch herself on a branch, only scraping and cutting her legs and arms on her hurried way down. She heard a loud snap emanate from Jasper's body and was reminded of the sound she heard back when she broke her ankle. Malia dropped to the floor next to him, hands in the air, randomly motioning as she was unsure what to do or say. "Oh? Um-- Oh?! Is it-- Are you okay?!" Obviously not.

Jasper

It took about a second for the pain to start, and a second longer for his body to actually register the pain. In a flash, Malia was down next to him, gesturing wildly and all he could do was shake his head rapidly, eyes wide and flashing in fear and pain. And then his brain returned to his body from god knows where and he lurched forward, nausea roiling in his gut from the alcohol, fall, and the waves of pain. Rolling over, he clutched his arm and just.. puked. Everything up and rolled back over, groaning and clenching his teeth--- trying not to scream.

“Call-- Text. I don’t know. Hospital. Fuck.”

Malia

Malia immediately recoiled, her face screwing up at the all too familiar stench of vomit. Some nights it was her own vomit on the floor of some random club bathroom or a stranger's bedroom floor and other times it was whoever's she was with. She felt sick as it splattered against her a little, bringing out a gag. "Oh-- Fuck, dude. I-- Okay." She grimaced, reaching into her bra to pull her phone out to.....text the hospital? Yes. Text the hospital.

She tried looking for hospital in her contacts but she couldn't find it, so she settled for clicking the all button at the top, typing out a sloppy message. "Okay-- Let's.. I-- can you get up? We can-- I can help you uh..get to the street or somethin', c'mon. I texted the wee woo wagon, it's gonna be okay."

Jasper

He blinked, a little blearily as he tried to get up on his knees. With one hand. The slightest bit of pressure on his other arm made his stomach roil again and an involuntary hiss leak through clenched teeth. Fuck. He barely registered the phone vibrating in his pocket. Texted the...?

His eyes rolled back in his head a little and he successfully made it to two feet, although stumbling a bit and leaning on Malia-- who was also a lot less solid at the moment. "Street, let's get to the street. Yes." The words were slurred both because of the alcohol and because of the pain. It made his back throb harder too, for some reason, and he lurched forward again-- This time able to swallow some of the bile that rose up.

"How long?"

Malia

Malia (gently) threw an arm around him when he made it to his two feet, feeling herself sway slightly, but managing to catch herself. She needed to focus. Use all those useless braincells to help him. "Um-- " She pulled her phone back out with her other arm, viewing Lex's text. "Soon, the doctor called the people to help." It took them a while to make it to the street, but they made it, nonetheless.  

It felt like forever but the distinct sounds of sirens coming their way, despite the busy and loud nature of New Eden. In hindsight, she probably could have just as easily flashed her boobs and flagged a cab down but in her current mindset, that was out of the question. Soon, they were loaded up and on their way to the hospital.

Jasper

He nodded in response, and refused to speak anymore, lest he spew all over again. But the sirens, usually an annoyance from all over the city, were now a comfort. Loading into the back, he didn't miss the silent yikes on the woman's face as she tended to him.

The ride wasn't long, not with the sirens and the swerving, but god did it make him sick as the stretcher was pulled down out of the truck and into hospital proper. Vaguely he wondered if he'd even be able to get pain medicine-- then a jostle hit his arm and he cried out, finally. "Fuck! Jesus fuck."

Malia

Malia kept her eyes on either her phone or on Jasper. She wasn't even sure why she kept going on her phone, there were just so many questions from basically everyone they knew. Why were they texting her so much? Why was she so popular tonight, specifically? ...Her nudes must have got out again, she surmised. "It's gonna be okay, dude, we're gonna fix you up-- the- they-" The women gave her a look and Malia snapped her mouth shut.

Oh....she texted everyone. Whoops. She grimaced, Maybe she should just....not mention that to Jasper, considering who all was on her phone. As they approached the hospital and she was rushed out so they could get him down and into the hospital and into an ER room safely without her in the way, she made sure to stay as close as possibly to him, despite the other person requesting to check her out. Simple scrapes, probably bruises from the scenes she'd participated in the previous days. No big deal, she needed to focus on Jasper.

Jasper

Getting to the room was a huge relief, even if he felt like he was just constantly going to hurl. But Malia was there and that was a relief in itself. Probably more than having the room at this point, really. He lolled his head over to her as they started to look over his arm, that he had really refused to look at. He didn't even know if it had broken skin or not. Would he have to have surgery? Would he get something to numb the pain?

Probably not. "I'm glad you're here." But the nurse was moving around and getting his IV set up, so it was hard to concentrate on her for very long. He paused for a long moment. "Did you tell Kyla?" His new friend. Almost as good to him as Malia was. Or equally. Yeah, equal.

Malia

As the doctors checked Malia's scrapes while she tried to swat them away, suddenly she found her hands full of a cup of ice water and some...pills? She took them, without questioning. She couldn't hear what the doctors were saying, really, she was just flitting between her phone and Jasper. "Uhhhhhh- yeah, I'm glad 'm here too. I'm sorry I took you tree climbin' and you--" She gestured to his arm, an uncomfortable look twisting the edges of her lips. "- you ended up like this. And yeah, I told her, she's runnin' . Think she might lose her job, though, so might have to find a sugar daddy or momma for her."

Kyla

Kyla's chest ached as she ran through the doors to the ER, having jogged over from her job. She doubted that anyone was going to try and break in to the shitty bargain clothing store she'd been hired to guard overnight, and if they had a problem with it, then they can go fucking sit out there themselves. A nurse tried to calm her, and all Kyla could do was repeat Malia and Jasper's names until someone finally ushered her into a room.

Kyla immediately descended on them both, pulling up short just before she touched them, out of fear of hurting them. "You're both idiots," she grumbled as she flopped into a chair. "This is what you get for going tree climbin' without me. Karma." But her nervous energy began to dissipate, now that she could see that both of them were there and relatively unscathed.

Daya

Daya barely remembered the car ride over, unsure exactly what it was that Lex had said. She didn't even know why she was going. As they pulled up, Daya stared up at the hospital as it loomed over her. Was she allowed in? Did Jasper even want her there? Suddenly she felt foolish and wondered whether this was just another mistake she was making. But Lex carefully urged her out of the car and through the doors, leading them to the room they'd been placed in.

Her eyes landed on him first, instinctively searching him out for injuries. His arm looked grotesque and painful, and she'd taken two steps into the room before realizing that they were not alone. Malia was there, which she had expected, but then there was another girl slouched in a chair and Daya felt a punch to the gut. Of course she would be there. Why wouldn't she be? They were dating or fucking or whatever it was. A green monster roiled in Daya's stomach before she shoved it away. Back in the box, back where it was safe. Looking back at Jasper, she cleared her throat in the suddenly deafening silence. "Are.. are you okay?"

Jasper

Jasper's immediate reaction to seeing Kyla walk in, chest heaving, was to grin. There she was. "It was my fault." But his words were slurred heavily, whatever was in his IV already mixing with the alcohol. Whew. "I was having a bad brain day-- Life." He laughed at his own joke, before the curtain parted again and in walked Daya. He felt sick again. Suddenly. The laugh faded immediately and he looked first to Malia, and then back to Daya.

Fuck. Fuck that ache, it was back. It was completely silent in the room until she spoke again, and it took everything in him not to yell at her to get the fuck away, not because he was angry at her ( he was ), but because it hurt too much to see her when he could barely think on his own.

Sucking in a deep breath, he just stared, then laid back down fully. "No."

Malia

Malia was about to say something between the laughs filling the room at Jasper and Kyla's banter. And then Jasper's demeanor suddenly sobered. Her own gaze followed where his was directed for the moment and immediately a quiet "Nope." flew out of her mouth and she brought her knees up to her chest, sinking into the chair. "'m not here. Ignore me, thanks." She put her hand up to her face, shielding herself from the....Uncomfortable feeling in the air.

Daya

It was like all of the oxygen in the room had been sucked away and Daya took a second to remember how to breathe again. The response came and Daya let out a mournful sound, inadvertent as even Malia turned her back on her. "O-okay," she whispered, her hands shaking. "I-" She what? She thought she could swoop in and he would accept her back with open arms? She couldn't even touch them. They didn't know what was wrong with her. "If you ne- well, you've got it taken care of, I guess," she choked out. Another shuddering breath exhaled from her lungs and Daya turned. She couldn't look at this

Jasper

The worst part about this was literally that he wished he could stand to watch Daya leave, but he knew that the moment he told her to go, she would. And that would be that. Just imagining that was too much for him to handle. Instead, he licked his lips and sat up a little, as best he could. “There’s another chair.” He nodded over to it on the other side. Technically it was for the doctor, but he imagined he’d figure out what the hell was happening with that soon enough. Probably surgery, considering how grotesque it looked, even as it was set in place for the moment.

Glancing to Kyla, he wished she was closer. Not because she provided him comfort in place of Daya, but that she’d been the one who’d helped him get out of his head the most. Malia was a comfort. Kyla was provided the distraction and the thing to pull him out of the darkness. He gestured her over and waited to see if Daya would stay. “Fuck, alright, Kyla and Daya. You’re introduced.”

Daya

Daya had barely taken two steps before Jasper's voice interrupted her again, offering her a chair in the room. Her eyes glanced around, wondering if this was a trap. Malia still wouldn't look at her, and Kyla shifted awkwardly in her seat. "I.." Lex was already gone, and so was her hope of a ride home. If she left now, then it would seem pointless. "Okay," she said finally, walking the few steps to sit in the chair. She remained stiff, eyes looking down in her lap while she waited. 

Kyla

Kyla felt like she was in a soap opera, and she shifted closer to Jasper as he introduced them both. "Hey," she greeted the other woman, trying to be as friendly as possible. Daya didn't seem as interested in making small talk, though she could hardly blame her. But the girl at least gave a stilted nod and Kyla took that as a win. Instead turning her attention to Jasper, she reached out to grasp his uninjured hand. "Look at me, both of you, and repeat after me. I am an absolute dumbass."

Jasper watched, because really, what could he do or say? She made this choice, and she was the one who did this to them. He would have been fine with it all-- fine with the V, fine with the.. distance, if it meant having her. Because it was her damn choice to take it, not his. And despite his devotion to her, she made the choice for him. He couldn’t stop looking at her, either. Even after everything, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Even looking like she’d lost weight and hadn’t slept in weeks. The anger flared again for a brief moment, but was quickly diminished when Kyla took charge and brought him right back out of it again.

The hurt in his face softened and he laughed, with a wince, but did as he was told. “I’m a dumbass. Malia is a dumbass. You’re a dumbass.” His grip tightened in hers, thankful for the distraction and something to hold onto. “We were being careful, and we needed it. Cause things. You know? And you were working so you couldn’t be captain of the dumbass brigade this time.”

Kyla

The atmosphere was awkward but Kyla was determined to break through. Even as Daya sat, she kept her focus on Jasper. After all, he was the reason they had gathered here. While she had nothing personal against the girl, she did reserve the right to think she was an absolute moron for letting a guy like Jasper go. It was messy in a way that made Kyla itch under the skin, but he was worth it. "You weren't bein' careful, dumbass. You're in the hospital." Her voice was exasperated but laced with fondness as she squeezed his hand gently. "Yeah, well I'm here now, so as captain of the dumbass brigade, it's now law that you gotta stay in this bed until the doctor person says so, okay?" 

Daya

The loud scrape of a chair startled her and Daya froze as eyes were drawn to her. "S-sorry, I shouldn't.. I'm gonna go," she stuttered. It was too much, too painful to see someone else take over her role as taking care of Jasper. Even if she had been the one to push him away, being forced to sit in a room and watch was the cruelest torture imaginable. "I'm glad you're okay."

Jasper

“I was trying to be careful.” He murmured, “And I’m not going anywhere. Heard something about surgery.” He shrugged and winced with a hiss. Not great. Not good at all. And then the scrape of the chair happened and he watched Daya stand. Go to leave. And his face darkened. Of course. Just-- He looked to Kyla and pulled his hand away gently so he could prop himself up more and then held his hand back, not to grab just yet. If she was being jealous, then it was stupid and ridiculous.

He hadn’t realized he’d started to speak out loud yet, or that the tone of his voice was much more angry than he’d anticipated. Angry hurt. With tears in his eyes. “You’re not allowed to be jealous, Daya. She’s a friend, for fuck’s sake, and you made your choice.” He licked dry lips with a dry tongue and barreled on, no stuttering or wavering his voice despite the slight slur. “It’s stupid. If anything, I should be the one kicking you out. But I’m not.”

Jasper wanted to get up be tall, confident in his decision to let it out here and now. Instead his hand was shaking and when he blinked, the tears fell. “You broke me, and you can’t act like me going and getting drunk and hurt and finding comfort in someone else is the worst thing I’ve ever done. The worst thing I ever did was trust you not to let me fall, Daya. You did this. This is your fault.” And he sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head. There was a brief moment of pause. “Wait-- no, no. I’m sorry, that’s.. That was too far.”

Another pause. “I wanted you to stay. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But if you want to walk away from me again, then go.” He finally flopped down again, breathing heavily and closing his eyes. The next words out of his mouth were quieter and strained. “Break me again. Doesn’t fucking matter anymore.”

Kyla

Kyla frowned when Jasper mentioned surgery. She'd somehow managed to go over 20 years without needing any major hospitalization other than the time she had her appendix taken out. Fortunately, the Kingstons were still pretending they wanted to keep her at that point, so she had a pretty cushy experience. But things were a lot different now, and she couldn't put a name to the sudden lump that sank in the pit of her stomach. She was about to reply when Daya ran for the door, and her eyes widened even further when Jasper told her off.

She couldn't blame him. The guy was very much still in love with her, and Kyla had eyes. She could see that Daya still had feelings for him too, and she honestly didn't see what was the big deal. But considering that even Malia, her loudest and most talkative friend, was remaining silent in the face of this, gave her the hint that maybe she should stay out of it. Even if she did have some choice words for Daya. Those could wait.

Daya

Daya faltered as Jasper's voice rang out through the room, slurred but strong. Confident and sure of himself. It hit her like a ton of bricks, his words reopening every wound that she had spent the last 3 weeks ignoring. But he was right. And he should say it. 'This is your fault.' Her breath seized in her lungs and she shook her head as he began to apologize. No, he shouldn't apologize for standing up for himself. This is exactly what Daya had wanted. To help him find his voice. But never in a million years did she think this was how she would do it.  

Was that all she would ever be? The stepping stone to help people find their footing. To be present during the transition, only to be left behind once the transformation was complete? Maybe that was unfair but nothing about this was fair, and she felt like she was suffocating. Her voice was hoarse and low as she spoke. "No. You're right. This was my fault. I'm sorry I broke you."

Jasper

Kyla’s silence and Daya still facing away from him was too much. Malia was hiding from the situation, curled up in the chair. And he was-- alone in this. Metaphorically speaking. So he just stared at Daya’s back and waited for her to walk away. When she didn’t, and instead reiterated the worst of his outburst, he just let out a breath. Exasperation. A sigh. It was-- god, it was just stupid, wasn’t it? Why didn’t the universe allow him to be happy in any sense of the word? The moment he finally feels like he can begin to find another source of happiness, it’s torn from him. And the only person who ever loved him back just dashed him against the rocks and left him to drown. Wasn’t he allowed to be angry about that? Hurt?

He didn’t think so. Sniffling, he just turned his head and closed his eyes. Fuck this life. He wanted the next one and all of the heartbreak that he was destined to get there, too. But hell, at least he’d have something nice before it all. “Okay.” What else could he say, really? Her back was still turned, his friends still silent and there was nothing more to say. Nothing short of begging her to take him back, which he wouldn’t do and she wouldn’t even if he did. Jasper spent his time pining after people who wanted nothing to do with him, and he was done with it. “I’m sure Malia will text you updates.” Since you don’t want me to. He bit off his words, so as to not fan the flame.

Daya

It felt like a switch the emotions bled away, and the cursed mutation that had further ruined her life finally kicked in. The pain and guilt and suffocating anxiety slipped through the cracks. The only good thing that they had given to her thus far. It should have hurt more when Jasper simply agreed again that it was her fault, but it was blunted by the drugs that had caused changes in her brain. He would probably think it was from the V. Maybe that was still for the best.

But she didn't leave. Instead, Daya perched herself in a chair, a little further away. Out of their friendly circle. She knew it probably wouldn't help but sitting there and forcing them to include her would be worse. For everyone. All Daya needed was to make sure that he was alive. When she had gotten the text from Malia, horrific images flew through her mind of a bloody Jasper, bruises and cuts adorning his face. Lifeless eyes. The nightmares had gotten worse since he'd left, and now they led her here. Full circle all the way back to the hospital where they had first acknowledged that there was something between them. And now, she was the one who wasn't allowed to hold his hand.

[ajnerdess]

An Unexpected Surprise (Loki oneshot)

So, sadly, I don’t have the time to write a whole sequel to my full length fanfic, Loki’s Beloved, but since Endgame I have been mulling over ideas as to how a sequel would map out. I had this idea of Daya, my OC who is Loki’s wife finding out she’s pregnant after Loki’s death and how she would deal with that. So I wrote a little oneshot for it, angst and fluff ahead readers….

Steve waited for Bruce as he emerged from Shuri’s lab. He had caught sight of Daya practically running out of the lab. She hadn’t spoken since Loki’s death. Not a word, not to anyone, not even Thor who was also grieving over his brother’s death. Steve had done everything, brought her food, tried to comfort her, tried to make jokes. That had massively backfired, Daya had simply started crying the second the punchline left his mouth. She looked more upset than usual as she left the lab.

The captain stopped Banner.

“Bruce what is it? What’s happened?”

The scientist wiped his glasses before looking up at Steve. “It’s Daya, she’s pregnant.”

Steve widened his eyes in surprise. “You’re sure?”

Banner nodded. “Sure as anything Steve.”

The captain patted his back. “I gotta go see if she’s ok.”

Steve asked around to find out where Daya was, Wakanda was huge, she could be anywhere. Then he realised, if he were in her position, he would have gone to the quietest, most peaceful place there.

Outside, around the back of the palace was Daya, sat at the cliff’s edge, overlooking the waterfalls in the distance.

He approached her slowly, sitting down next to her without saying a word. She didn’t need his words right now, she just needed to know she wasn’t alone.

They sat there for an hour in silence, before Daya finally broke her silence.

“I have been going over and over in my head since he died to work out why I’m still alive. Asgardians are different to midgardians. In some cases, when we find our soulmates, our souls truly join, meaning when one dies, so does the other. Needless to say when Loki died and I still drew breath, I was confused, hurt, angry even. I started to wonder why, why fate was so cruel to keep me alive when my husband, the love of my life had moved on to Valhalla without me. I’ve felt guilty, for somehow thinking I don’t love him as much as I should. But now, now it makes sense.”

Steve listened to her as she spoke, before nodding in agreement. “Well, it’s a good thing then right, you’re still here for a reason. Loki gave you one last gift before he died, he’ll live on through this baby.”

Daya’s tears fell as she stared down at the ground. “Does it not seem cruel to you Steve? I was told for years that I could not bare children, Loki and I, we tried for years and nothing. And now, now he’s dead, now he can’t be here for me, now he can’t watch his own child grow, now he can’t be here to raise it with me, now I fall pregnant.”

Steve moved closer to Daya. “I know it doesn’t make sense now but maybe this is for a reason Daya. Maybe Loki knew Thanos would come, maybe he knew he would die, I’ve no doubt he did it for a good reason. Maybe he was powerless to stop his own death but this, this baby is the last gift he could give you, the reason for you to keep going on.”

Daya leaned against his shoulder as she cried and Steve wrapped an arm around her to comfort her as her tears fell.

 Six Months Later

Daya stretched out in bed as she tried to get comfortable. Since the snap and killing Thanos, Steve had been kind enough to let Daya stay with him.

As she lay in bed, trying to get to sleep, she stroked her stomach gently. The one thing she was grateful for was that the baby growing inside of her was safe, healthy and seemingly constantly kicking. Finally, after much discomfort and tossing and turning, Daya found sleep, and as she slept she dreamt…..

“And just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful.”

Daya knew that voice, and yet, she refused to open her eyes.

“This is a dream.”

The voice drew closer. “Yes, perhaps, but it’s a good dream I promise.”

Daya opened her eyes and saw the most wonderful sight she had ever seen, Loki sat on the bed, smiling down at her.

Tears formed in her eyes as she looked up at him. “I don’t like dreams, I have to wake from them. And when I wake you aren’t there.”

Loki shook his head as he stroked her hair gently. “Shh darling, enjoy this dream, I’m here now.”

“Am I truly just dreaming this, or have you somehow managed to convince the guardians of Valhalla to let you return to me for a while?”

Loki smirked, tracing his hand over her collarbone softly. “It’s both a dream and a little use of my silvertongue in Valhalla to persuade the guardians to allow me a temporary crossover into this realm.”

Daya took one of his hands in her own and entwined her fingers through his. “Can’t you just crossover permanently?”

Loki shot Daya a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry my love, that’s not how it works.”

The trickster God noted her sad expression and leaned down to kiss her head softly. “Do not be sad my love, now is not the time to grieve my loss.”

His hands found Daya’s baby bump and he stroked her stomach softly, looking down adoringly at the bump.

Daya smiled as tears welled in her eyes. “He grows strong every day. He kicks, and rolls, he’s mischievous just like his father.”

Loki’s eyes filled to the brim with pride and he looked up at Daya with a grin on his face. “A boy? We’re having a boy?”

Daya nodded, meeting his grin. “Yes, I was going to wait for it to be surprised but then I wanted to be prepared, what with clothes and such.”

Loki’s own eyes filled with tears as he grinned down at Daya, running his hand over her stomach more.

“A son, we are having a son.”

Daya could have cried at his reaction alone. She had dreamt of the day she could tell Loki she was carrying his child, even after being told she couldn’t have children the scenario still played out in her mind. His response was exactly how she imagined it would be, he was excited, joyful and the most important thing of all, there for her. Loki leaned down to kiss her. The kiss felt so real, as if he were truly there with her. He was gentle and slow, as if kissing her would somehow disrupt the baby’s peace.

“Can I speak to him?” Loki asked after breaking the kiss.

You nodded.

The God of mischief leaned down to address the baby.

“Hello little one. It’s your father here, I’m sorry I can’t be there to meet you when you finally bless this world with your presence. I’ve no doubt you will be the most beautiful babe in the world with this goddess as your mother. I want you to know that I wish I was there to see you grow more than anything else in the entire universe, in any universe. I want to see you learn and laugh and love, I died to try and take Thanos’ focus off you and your mother, it was never my desire to leave your beautiful mother to raise you without me, I hope one day you come to understand that and don’t hate me for not being there.”

Daya reached out to stroke his hair at that, not wanting Loki to feel guilty about anything.

“I love you little one, I always will. When you are old enough, I want you to take good care of your mother, just as I’m sure your mother will take perfect care of you while you are young. Be safe, be strong, learn from your mistakes, learn better from your mistakes more than I did, that’s for sure. Remember that life is beautiful, and there are people around you that love you, again, another fact that often escaped me during my time alive. You are deserving of being happy and loved, accept the love and happiness that you are blessed with and when you are older, I truly hope you find someone who loves you as unconditionally as your mother loved me.”

Loki kissed Daya’s stomach and the baby kicked, causing Loki to look up at Daya excitedly.

“He heard you my love” she said as Loki kissed her stomach once more, before leaning up to kiss Daya’s lips gently.

“Loves you.”

Loki stared at his wife in confusion.

“You said loved you, I love you, it isn’t past tense” she answered.

He smiled as he kissed her forehead. “My apologies my love.”

“You said you sacrificed yourself for me and the baby? You knew I was pregnant when you died?”

Loki paused as he stroked her hair gently. “I sensed my end was close, just as Odin sensed his own demise. I didn’t want to worry you, besides, there was no way around it, we were trapped on a ship, Thanos found us.”

Daya shook her head. “You should have told me, we might have changed course, we might have escaped Thanos, you could have not antagonised him by trying to stab him.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And risked him hurting you and the baby? No, my darling, I would never allow such a thing, no matter what the cost was.”

Daya stroked his cheek gently as her tears fell. He quickly wiped her tears away, his fingertips lingering on her face.

“You are staying with the soldier?”

Daya shook her head. “Loki it isn’t like that, we are just friends.”

Loki ran a thumb over her lower lip gently. “Shh, I’m not angry my love, you deserve to be happy. The soldier has always vied for you affections, perhaps you should let him make you happy.”

“You make me happy Loki.”

“I know. I know my love, but in my absence, the soldier is a good man, let him be there for you. I have to leave soon my darling.”

Daya clung to his hand suddenly. “No please, please don’t go Loki, please don’t leave me again. I don’t want to wake up alone, I don’t want to be without you.”

Loki stroked her stomach, worried the panic would affect the baby, he gently shushed her as he comforted her.

“It’s alright my love, you’ll be alright, I promise you, you’ll be fine.”

As soon as Daya’s tears fell, Loki wiped them away. He comforted her until her tears ceased.

“Please Loki, at least stay until I fall asleep, I can’t watch you leave, I can’t say goodbye again” she whispered.

He nodded and nestled in close to her, wrapping her arms around her and the baby bump and kissing her neck gently until exhaustion took over and she fell asleep in his arms.

 Three months later

“Steve, I can’t do this!”

Steve Rogers held Daya’s hand as she cried out in pain.

“Daya it’s ok, you can do this sweetheart, you have this, come on, just one last push” he told her as the nurses stood by and encouraged Daya to finish pushing.

Daya squeezed his hand as she screamed out for one final push.

She was met with the cries of a baby, causing her head to fall back on the pillow momentarily in relief.

As the nurses cut the umbilical cord of her baby, she looked up.

“Where is he? Is he safe? Is he alright?”

The nurses turned with her baby wrapped up in blankets, they handed her the baby and Daya’s heart almost burst at the sight.

There he was, hers and Loki’s son, black hair and blue eyes just like his father. He was beautiful, and he instantly looked up at Daya and babbled happily in her presence.

“Oh, he’s so beautiful, hi, hello there little one” she breathed, smiling down at her baby boy. She looked up at Steve, who was beaming down at them both.

“Good job sweetheart, he’s adorable. Good job” the soldier smiled down at her.

One of the nurses looked over. “Do you have a name yet? It’s not a problem if not, some parents take weeks to decide.”

Daya smiled down at her happy baby.

“His name is Nari. It was Loki’s idea, from the first day we were married, that was his idea.”

She looked up at Steve to gauge his reaction to her son’s name.

The soldier smiled as Nari gripped Daya’s finger, holding it gently. “Nari, I like it.”

Daya grinned down at the baby, and she hoped somewhere, Loki was smiling down at him too.

 Nari is actually the name of Loki and Sigyn’s son in Norse Mythology, so that’s where I got the inspo from. Yes I toyed with the idea of her calling the baby Loki, but then I thought, bit weird, looking at your baby and always associating it with your dead hubby, especially when the baby was always meant to look very much like his father. Hope you guys enjoyed!

[switchjasper]

we could steal time..

WHO: Jasper Davis and Daya Ray @dayaray​

WHAT: feelings and figuring things out

WHEN: 9/27, late evening in The Garden

Jasper: 

This was probably the worst plan of all time, and he definitely wasn't going to listen to Roxy's advice about it. There was just too much surrounding them so far. But.. a phone call. Friendly. Nice. While she was in The Garden with her friend? That wouldn't hurt too much, would it? Pulling out his cell, he hovered over her contact information before finally pressing call. His own apartment was small, but he could pace back and forth easily, Avery in the kitchenette heating up some leftover takeout for them, and Owen mashing buttons on his controller, he retreated towards his bed area--- it wasn't quieter, but maybe they'd respect his privacy. 

Daya: 

Daya didn't usually get phone calls unless they were from Jakob or the kids' schools. Most of her friends texted, and clients would sometimes call but.. that was her other phone. This was her personal phone, the one that friends and family used to get a hold of her. When the device vibrated on the bed she shared with Hanna, she looked down at it in confusion before reading the name. Jasper. Her heart jumped a little and she reached for it, hesitating slightly before hitting the answer button. "Hi," she murmured quietly, a small smile on her face. "How are you?"

Jasper: 

He absolutely did not expect her to answer, and a strangled noise caught in his throat at her voice. Owen said something in the background, followed by laughter, but he was intensely focused on.. her. "Oh. Hey. Hi-- Hi, I don't know why I thought you'd be busy, that's.. stupid, you're still recovering. Uhm. I'm fine. I.. I'm about to.. eat." He finished the sentence lamely, his leg shaking.

Daya: 

The smile on her face grew wider at the sound that Jasper made, and she turned, trying to find even the smallest modicum of privacy in her shared room. Her siblings were all in the living room, watching a movie with Lex while she rested. The downside of living with a doctor was that she made sure Daya didn't aggravate her injuries too much, which meant more bedrest than she cared for. "Eating is good," she replied. "I'm just resting. But I'm glad to hear from you. You can rescue me from my boredom."

Jasper: 

Jasper shifted from his hunched sitting position to lounging against the wall that his bed was up against, eyes closed to try and will himself out of his nerves. "Yeah, yeah. Uhm. Just some leftover takeout from this mongolian place. It's better reheated, so we always load up on payday." There was a brief pause as he shifted again, and cleared his throat. "You're bored? What are the.. others up to? I have no idea who you're with, heh. How can I help?"

Daya: 

Daya's stomach rumbled slightly at the mention of food. The others had already eaten and there were probably leftovers, but she had slept through the dinner hour because of her pain pills. "That sounds pretty good. And smart." There was still that awkwardness between them that Daya wished she could wipe away. Knowing that maybe she had ruined this, the only thing that might have been good for her, it hurt far more than she wanted to admit. "They're outside watching a movie. I was sleeping a little while ago because of my meds. I'm.. I'm with my siblings, and Lex is out there with them. She's been a huge help, but I still feel like... I don't know, I feel like I'm imposing. She didn't ask for this." She trailed off before returning her focus back to him. "Did anything interesting happen today at the store?"

Jasper: 

"You should try it some time- I could bring you some or.. yeah." He rubbed at his face, trying to will himself to be less nervous about this. It's just a phone call with someone he knows. And cares about. Nothing ridiculous, at all. Taking in a slow breath and letting it out, he tried not to think about what she might look like disheveled and sleepy, and his stomach flipped at his inability to do so. "Oh, Lex, the doctor person. I've seen her around some. She doesn't seem to mind too much, though, yeah? If she's watching your siblings while you're resting. Oh! No, not really. It's usually pretty boring in the day to day and the best part are the visitors. Today was pretty slow other than Roxy.”

Daya: 

"I'd like that," she said, probably a little too quickly. Maybe she was laying things on a little too thick but Daya felt like everything in her life was slipping through her fingers, like grains of rice. Jasper was one of those things. She knew he didn't believe her, but the quiet moments she had in his bookstore, they were some of her fondest memories. It made her feel like a normal girl with a crush, not someone with all of these secrets. Jasper was pure and light and had an air of innocence around him, and she hadn't wanted to taint him. But now, that's exactly what she was doing. "Yeah, she's a surgeon. I don't.. I just don't want to be a burden." That was the crux of all of her issues. Daya didn't want to shift her burden to anyone else, even if they were willing and able to help. Even as she staggered under the weight of it, she couldn't seem to let it go. "Freddie's pretty attached to her, and Hanna likes her girlfriend a lot. It's hard to say no to a couple nine year olds." Her teeth worried at her lip and she turned onto her side, phone still nestled against her ear. "No interesting visitors at all? What about that old guy with the hat?"

Jasper: 

The quick answer made him smile against his hand, and he was suddenly imagining showing up to this doctor's apartment with a bowl of leftovers and sneaking off to just.. sit, talk, be themselves. "Yeah?" It came out a bit breathless, "Cool. I'll.. come by sometime when everyone's out and you need company, if that's okay. Bring some lunch and stuff."

"I'm sure you're not a burden, though. She's a friend, yeah? Then I'm sure she's just doing it because she cares about you and that's that. No need to worry about all the extra." What else could he do or say to help ease that ache that was so obviously there? Nothing.. really. He was just, his face twisted in a slight bit of emotional pain, just.. a blip on her radar. Compared to what everyone else could do for her. What did he have to offer?

"Saying no to kids sounds like a skill and a half. But yeah, nobody really too interesting. The old guy came by two days ago to get his fill of switch erotica, so you know. Won't see him again in a bit."

Daya: 

Daya could imagine it in her head, Jasper nervously showing up at the apartment building with a bag of food. Like what normal people did. She wanted it desperately, to be that girl again but it felt like it was so fake, and she promised Jasper she wouldn't lie to him anymore. Was she even allowed to invite people over? This wasn't her home and while Lex might care about her, that didn't mean that she wanted random Switches to show up at her apartment. "I'm hoping to find a place soon. Maybe we can do it then, so we'll have actual privacy. And you wouldn't have to come so far?"

She let out a slow breath and shrugged, even though Jasper couldn't see it over the phone. "Just because people care doesn't mean they want to take on all of my issues," she said softly. She had spent so long struggling through this alone that the idea of people surrounding her and lifting her up was still unfathomable. "My parents just dumped them on me and left." But she shook her head. This was no different, and she was only making excuses while dumping things onto Jasper. It was a perverted merry go round that never seemed to end. 

"You'd think he would have gotten through all of it by now," she joked. A change of subject was better. Easier. Safer. "I can't imagine there's that much of it and he comes by so much."

Jasper: 

It felt like being shot down again so much that he squirmed in his bed, and almost started to curl in on himself before he realized it would be uncomfortable to do that and talk on the phone. It wasn't, though. It was a maybe later. He had to hold onto that. "Uhm. Yeah. I can wait. Sure." But it still came out stilted and hurt. "Or whenever you're able to come by here. Whichever." He was trying to seem nonchalant, trying so hard to show her he was okay, that it was obvious he was doing so. 

"No.. guess not, but it can still mean they're willing to try for you and.. everything." His frown deepened. "Kind of a common theme for us. Dumped, left, et cetera." 

But he couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. "You'd think, but maybe he likes to savor it. Soak it all up, filthy word by filthy word. We don't have a huge amount, but sometimes he buys others. The more mainstream stuff."

Daya: 

She fucked it up again. She could hear it in his voice, and she trembled. Why couldn't she ever do anything right? She was a mess with so much baggage and apparently she had gotten so good at lying that no one could see it. It was probably a blessing that Aidan had died before anything actually happened between them. Once she learned, who knows what would have happened. She was police. Maybe she would've ended up just like Covington. The insidious little voice in her head told her that Jasper deserved better than her. That it would be better for him if he just moved on. She was damaged, far beyond anyone's fixing, and she would only ruin anyone who tried.

"Maybe they should stop." The words fell out before she could stop them and Daya flinched. It was too raw, too close to what she was feeling. "I mean.. just..." She didn't want to seem ungrateful. All of her friends had done so much for her and here she was, acting like a spoiled brat. "I don't think I'm worth trying over. There's a reason that people leave me." No more secrets, even if the truth made her choke.

"As long as he's happy, I suppose. It's nice that he can find it in this world."

Jasper: 

He didn't have the words for this. Didn't have the way to make her feel better-- but the bite in hers had left him speechless. It clawed at his own throat, her hurt and he wished he could take it away from her. All he knew to say was something he'd already said. That they cared. But.. she continued on and that hurt settled in his chest and threatened to suffocate him. 

He was.. once again, useless. "O-oh.." Was all that came out when he tried to break the silence, even the joke he'd tried to make had fallen flat and now they were in this again, with Jasper wondering if this is how it was always destined to go for him. He tried again, this time his voice much, much quieter. "Do you want me to leave you, too?"

Daya: 

She could feel tears pooling in her eyes and her breath hitched. She knew that Jasper would be able to hear it, what with the awkward silence stretching between them like a chasm. She knew the answer that he was expecting, and she wanted to give it. To set him free so he could find someone who was better for him. Who could accept his love and would be able to give it in return. Someone who wasn't broken. 

"No." But she was selfish. She was so selfish, and it permeated everything that she did. Keeping her siblings just because she was too afraid to be alone. Forcing them through a life of poverty and shame, when they shouldn't have had to hide any of that. They should have been warm and safe and fed, like they are here, with Lex. But she couldn't let them go, and she hurt them more than she could ever forgive herself for, even if no one wanted to admit it. "That's the last thing I want."

Jasper: 

More silence stretched between them and the pure, unadulterated yearning that Jasper felt.. He wanted to hold her, to tell her it was okay, but they weren't there. Wouldn't ever be there, it seemed. He just wanted Daya to be okay. To laugh, to smile, to.. sing. Licking his lips, he nodded, though he knew she couldn't see it. 

"Then I won't." The words were confident, and he'd keep that 'promise' for as long as he could. "Uhm. I just.. I don't want to ask if I can say this, so I'm just.. gonna do it."

Another slight pause, "I don't wanna stop caring about you, and I don't wanna leave. It's.. stupid, and it's selfish, but I dunno.. this crush I've had on you.. it obviously isn't going anywhere. I still.. I was so nervous before I called, I thought I was going to shake right out of my skin, and then.. when you picked up, I.. for some reason, just figured you were busy which, again, is really stupid, but.. I don't know, I still got butterflies when you said hi."

"If you weren't worth trying over, then no one would. Self worth is hard to deal with, cause we just take all the bad stuff that's happened to us or said to us and we focus on that, and forget about the good. I'm pretty bad at that, too. But the truth is.. really, you are. I am. When you look at it objectively and try and.. focus on all the parts, instead of just a piece of the pie, you know? If you weren't worth it, then you wouldn't be staying at a doctor's house, and you wouldn't have a ton of candy and flowers at the hospital. If I wasn't, then I wouldn't have my moms or Owen or Avery. It's.. you gotta look at the good, too. Okay?"

Daya: 

God, he was so stubborn. Daya both loved and hated that about him. It would be so much easier if he just accepted what she knew to be true and found a way to move on. To have the kind of fairytale love that he wanted. Daya was never going to be the girl in the tower. She was the scullery maid, the harlot on the street. She didn't get a happy ending. She didn't deserve one. 

As his words spilled out, Daya clung to every word. She knew that he truly believed everything he said. That he had this image of her in his head that was just false. That was the girl he had a crush on. Not this terrible, broken, selfish mess of a girl. But she could imagine it, the way that he was probably hunched over, voice shaking but still so much braver than she was. Than she could ever be. She wanted to be the one to reassure him, to make him less sad but where would she even start when she couldn't even make herself happy? When she hadn't ever known what true happiness was?

But damn it if he didn't make her want to try. To let her walls down so he could step inside, to believe what he said so earnestly. There would come a day when her siblings would eventually leave her, as baby birds tend to do, and she felt so hollow knowing that when that day came, she would have nothing. Everything she had done only delayed the inevitable. But his voice was begging her to listen, to believe. 

"I..." She grappled with the words, trying to find ones that wouldn't break them any further. "I don't know how. But..." Another long exhale. "Maybe we can try together?"

Jasper: 

One of his roommates moved into the bedroom area to let him know food was ready, and all he could do was nod, knowing the look on his face was a mix of anxiety and pain and hopefulness. Owen, as harsh as he could be, let his teasing words filter away and only nodded, letting him know food was ready when he had a chance. And to talk to him about it later. Jasper just nodded, knowing that Daya could hear the muffled tones and didn't want to call attention to it. 

But it was good, that it filled the silence on the other end of the line, made it not seem so damn heavy. "Honestly? I don't know how, either." He reassured, hoping that it would ease whatever nerves she was feeling, hoping that he could be the one to help when all he felt like was a burden.

"But I'd like that." Another long stretch of silence and he glanced at the clock. "..are you sure I can't come see you?"

Daya: 

There were muffled voices on the other end, probably one of his roommates, and she squirmed as she waited for him to come back. To hear what he had to say. It felt like an eternity, though it was probably only a few minutes at most. 

Daya huffed a soggy sounding laugh and nodded. "Then I think we make a good pair. We can.. help each other," she said softly. A give and take. Both giving and taking equal amounts, which was something that Daya didn't really know how to do, but was willing to try. 

"I..." She bit her lip again. "I don't know if Lex is okay with me inviting people over randomly but... there's a park, not far from here. I can meet you there? And we can just... sit and talk?" She tried to temper the hope in her voice, but she hoped that Jasper said yes. "I kinda just want this to be us for a little while. Not because I want to hide you but..." When she thought about it, it sounded stupid but she forced herself to say it anyways. "I've never had anything that was just mine before. I kind of want to make it last. Is that weird?"

Jasper: 

He laughed, too, easily, feeling like a weight lifted off of his shoulders. "Yeah. Exactly. Messed up and struggling, but helping each other." The tears sounded so prevalent in her voice, but he hoped that he was helping ease the pain of whatever it was she was struggling with. That's all he ever wanted. 

"..Are you okay to move that much? Cause if not, that's okay-- I can wait til you get better, but.. I really want to." But she went on and he breathed out, slowly, weighing his options. "Just us is good. I like just us. It's not weird-- it's easy, easier to be ourselves." Another pause and, "Text me the address? I'll catch a train over. And bring you some leftovers, too."

Daya: 

There were still doubts swirling in her head, but Jasper seemed to chase them away for the time being. She closed her eyes and listened to him laugh, to his voice and tried to commit it to memory. "Sounds like the standard Switch lifestyle," she chuckled. 

"I'm okay, I promise," she said, playful exasperation in her voice. "I really want to see you too." Her ribs would probably be sore tomorrow but it was worth it to be able to see his smile. "I'll text you, and let me know when you're about five minutes away and I can meet you. And... only if you share them with me. I don't want to steal your dinner."

Jasper: 

"Yeah, of course! I was gonna bring a little extra cause.. we loaded up." He grinned it out, playfulness easing through to his tone, excitement just on the edge. He said he'd meet her there as soon as possible and nearly tripped over himself getting ready to head out. A light jacket thrown over his shoulders and a tubberware full of leftover mongolian food and he was on his way.

True to his word, he texted her when he was almost there and just sat down at the nearest bench he saw, legs shaking with the nerves he didn't want to admit he was struggling with.

Daya: 

The smile on her face didn't go away even after Jasper hung up, his excitement palpable over the phone. She slipped into jeans and a ratty hoodie, hair tied up and out of the way. Freddie and Hanna were sprawled over Jakob and Lex, completely passed out, and it looked like the former might do the same soon. She told them that she was going to meet a friend, and didn't miss the way that they both shifted in alarm. But she reassured them, explaining the situation, and while Jakob was still on edge, he didn't say anything further.

It took a little longer than she had anticipated to get to the park and Daya felt bad when she saw Jasper waiting. Her ribs ached slightly but she pushed that out of the way as she sat down next to him. "Hi," she murmured shyly. "Thanks for meeting me."

Jasper: 

Jasper shifted immediately when he saw her, smile widening even as he took in her appearance. She did look tired, a little sore, but he didn't mind. She still looked good to him. When she sat down, he twisted to face her, their knees touching, and he put the tubberware container between them and dug in his pocket for some packaged sporks that he and his roommates tucked away from various containers. 

"It's not a problem. Kinda chilly tonight, though." His grin was crooked and happy, hoping she didn't read too much into that hope laced through his words. "How's your ribs? You okay?"

Daya: 

The way he looked at her, like she hung the moon, it made something in her chest warm. It made her ache for a time when things could be simple, and it reminded her of soft blue eyes. Blinking away that thought, Daya looked down at the container of food and accepted the plastic spork that was handed to her. 

"I actually prefer the cold," she admitted, even with her hands tucked into her pockets. "Heat is just... ugh, you get all sweaty and it just takes away all your energy." Her nose wrinkled but she smiled to soften the words. "They're.. getting there. Nothing much you can do with them other than let them heal. But I'm okay, yeah. You? No one bothered you on your way here, right?"

Jasper: 

He caught something in her features, but it disappeared quickly, so he didn't call attention to it, and instead focused on what she was saying and opening the container for her. It was thankfully still a little warm, but he dug in immediately, his hunger never sated. 

"I really do, too. Better for, y'know, cuddling and stuff, in theory. Plus you can always put more clothes on when you're cold." His eyebrows raised at her words, a bit of worry quirking in them, "If you need to rest or lean on me or something, you can. I don't wanna make you hurt worse. But no, no one bothered me at all. I'm pretty good at keeping my head down, even if I look like a bum."

Daya: 

The way he dug in voraciously reminded her of Jakob and it made her smile. His floppy hair and grinning eyes. She hoped her siblings liked him. "You don't look like a bum," she argued. "I think you look cute." A fierce blush overtook her features then but she didn't take back the words. 

"But I might take you up on that offer afterwards," she said. Still red in the face, she scooped up a bite of the food and took a bite, nodding in approval. "You're right, this is pretty good. I don't think I've ever had it before. Is the place you go to in Bayview?"

Jasper: 

He ducked his head, blushing himself at the compliment, shuffling his feet a little. "You do, too." It felt right to say it, to give her a little something back. "I think you probably look better all.. uhm, disheveled, I think, than.. the other. Some people just do. Look prettier that way." He wasn't trying to say she didn't look put together, and his eyes screwed tight, hoping he hadn't overstepped.

Instead, he just focused on eating more, taking slow bite after slow bite. "Yeah? It's our favorite. The peanuts get all chewy instead of crunchy. It's great. Oh, no, it's uh.. somewhere in Sunset Ridge. That's where Owen, one of my roommates, goes all the time to see his boyfriend. So."

Daya: 

She paused at his reply, but didn't take offense. Her brain pointed out all the times she looked disheveled (which was her normal state of being), but most often it was while she worked. And that seemed like a dangerous like of thinking to go down so she focused back on the present. "Well that's good because I'm usually so busy that I.. I just throw my hair up. Or.. I used to." Her hair was still too short to do much with other than brush it out of her face out of annoyance.

Daya continued taking small bites, still used to letting others take more so they would have enough even if that wasn't a concern for her at the moment. "It's good. Nice, that you guys have a routine. Will you tell me more about them? Your roommates I mean. I know that you said they're like your siblings. Did your moms take them in too?"

Jasper: 

"Yeah! Yeah, that's what I mean.. it's just-- you look effortlessly pretty." His cheeks were burning the more he spoke, and he shook his head. "Sorry. I just.. exude awkward." 

Another mouthful of food shut him up, and his leg started shaking again, his mind already working in overdrive to try and come up with excuses for his behavior or overanalyzing the way she looked at him. It was better to just look down at the bowl and pretend he didn't say anything stupid. 

"Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah, they did. We're all Switches. Some come and go, some stay for a bit, then leave. But we kinda just hit it off and were around about the same time, so.. we just decided to stay and help. Take care of them and who they take in. Owen's kind of punkish, rebellious, doesn't like to keep his mouth shut even when it'll get him in trouble. Avery's more quiet, and likes to let her fists do the talking more often than not. I've had to pick her up from holding a lot. But she's really protective of me."

Daya: 

She ducked her head and brushed her hair behind her ear. No one had ever said that about her, at least not with that much earnestness and honesty. "You don't. You're sweet. People don't normally.. say that about me. It's nice."

Daya listened intently as he talked about them, and it was clear that he cared deeply for the both of them. He must, if he chose to live with them and stay with them like this. "Your moms are pretty great," she said softly. "Not a lot of people would do what they do." She wondered what they knew about her, whether Jasper had told them who she was... and the way that she had hurt him. "They sound.. like you all fit together. Different personalities but it works."

Jasper: 

Jasper had to pause, to watch her for a moment, to see if he could decipher what was going through her mind. He couldn't, of course he couldn't, but he also couldn't fight the sweet, soft smile that played on his lips at her reaction. "It's true, and more people should." His voice was soft with the words and.. he set his utensil down to reach out and put two fingers under her chin, to hopefully get her to look up at him instead of hiding. His hands were shaking as he did so, and his voice seemed to match the nerves he was obviously displaying. "You are, okay? And I know that.. uhm, looks aren't everything-- they're not the only things that are important. Cause I.. didn't start to really like you until we talked more. But I always thought you were beautiful." 

That was all of the bravery he had, and he tucked his hands between his legs, still kind of curling in on himself to fight the shaking nerves wracking his body. But he was smiling, happy despite it. "They are, yeah. And we all love each other in our own way. It's just.. different."

Daya: 

She didn't expect him to tilt her chin up, and it took her a moment to muster the courage to meet his gaze. Daya ignored the way that his hand trembled and instead focused on the serious, sincere look on his face. "Thank you, Jasper," she whispered. It was hard to be vulnerable like this, but with him, it didn't feel like she was giving up a part of herself. Her clients liked to see her open and innocent, to fulfill whatever fantasy they had. But Jasper looked like he actually saw her, cracks and all, and it made her heart feel full. No one had done that before, not really. Not in a way that made her believe.

Too soon, his hands slipped away and she fought the disappointed look that threatened to cross her face. Instead, she shifted, moving the container of food onto her lap so she could nestle against him. She did it quickly, without asking, before she lost her nerve. The warmth from his body sank into her bones and she sighed comfortably. "There's nothing wrong with different. Love is love. And family... family is more than just who we're related to biologically."

Jasper: 

His heart thumped in his throat at the look on her face, and too quickly for him to even protest, Daya was tucking against him. It was so quick that he sucked in a sharp breath and tensed up-- but quickly relaxed at her soft sigh. For a moment, Jasper had no idea what he was doing, but instead let instincts take over and wrapped an arm over her shoulders. His free hand rested on her knee.

"Yeah, that's exactly how I feel, too. The Davis' are more my family than the Rovigattis ever were." He turned his head to nestle his nose into the top of her head. "Uhm. You know I kissed your forehead at the hospital. I was.. I waited til you were asleep, cause I was nervous. But I just.. wanted you to know I did it. I don't know why. Just.. had the urge."

Daya: 

She wondered briefly if she had read it all wrong, that Jasper actually wasn't okay with her doing this, but his arm carefully fell over her shoulders, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was safe. While her friends had done an admirable job of caring for her and her siblings, there always seemed to be a lingering hesitance there. It wasn't fair to them, when all Daya had to do was believe in their good intentions, but so many of her instincts were warning her that it wasn't okay.

But with Jasper? She took a deep breath, comforted by the smell of whatever body wash he used and a faint hint of cigarette smoke. "I know what you mean. My parents... if I can even really call them that, they don't feel like family. I have my siblings of course, and Bobbi and Lex and Kat and Liv and somehow this entire tribe that I inherited? And you..." She looked up at his confession with soft eyes and a gentle smile. She leaned in a pressed a kiss to his cheek, chaste but lingering. "Now we're even."

Jasper: 

All he could do was blink as her lips pressed against his cheek. He felt warm all over, happy, but there was that yearning in him that just wanted more. But he'd never take it unless she offered it. Shifting a little to make it more comfortable for the both of them, he closed his eyes and took in a deep, slow breath. Something to calm his nerves, and breathe her in. 

"You have a big family, then." He murmured against her hair, sighing lightly. "And that's good. You can let them take the weight off of you sometimes. Not always, cause I know you're independent and you wanna be on your own.. but sometimes. You can." He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, still so nervous to be so close to her. 

"Daya." He said her name softly, with a reverence. "What if.. I, you said I should try again.. ask again-- but what if we just, didn't try and follow their world rules. Just our rules. A date can be.. whatever we want it to be. It doesn't have to be formal or .. I don't want to ask again. I'm afraid to, still, even knowing. But I'd rather just.. fall together."

Daya: 

The kiss changed things. She could tell, but she wasn't sure if it was for better or worse. But he settled, pulling her closer and they just existed in the same space. Things didn't have to feel so hard for once, and she wanted so desperately to trust his words. To let them help her. To let him help her.

"I don't know how to do that either," she whispered. There was so much about life that she was just fumbling through and hoping for the best. She wanted to learn though. She wanted to do better, be better, and be the person that her friends seemed to believe she was. 

She turned her head slightly so she could look up at him, but he wasn't looking at her. But his words, they flowed through like warm apple cider in front of a fire, sinking all the way to her toes. "I would like that a lot." The image was beautiful and she had no doubt that he could be a successful writer one day if he was lucky. He had a way with words that left her feeling breathless. "I want to fall with you. I'm afraid but..." She reached around to take his hand and squeeze it. "I don't want to live my life being afraid."

Jasper: 

It sucked, being a writer and being at a loss for words. He'd said it before, but it was so much easier on paper. But he kept his eyes closed and envisioned what he might say to her if he were writing it down away from prying eyes. It was easier, and he relaxed into her. "That's okay. Learning is a part of life." He murmured and pulled back just to look at her, not too far, still enjoying being wrapped around her far too much for his own good. 

Looking into her eyes made it harder, but he could push through the nerves and the tingling in his fingers and just.. pretend he was writing a beautiful letter. Not that he could ever get the words out smoothly if he were to speak them, but he channeled that part of himself that he knew could be confident if given the chance. Reaching up, he brushed some of her hair back with his free hand, a little smile on his lips. "I'm afraid, too. I've never done this before. I've never liked someone as much as I like you, and it sounds silly, because it was definitely just me watching you from afar for a while. And dreaming about it." His cheeks colored, hoping that that hadn't sounded too much like an innuendo. 

"Leaping into things is.. difficult. But falling is easy.. you just let go. And it's okay to be afraid, letting go of stability and embracing the unknown below? That's terrifying. I just want to be the one to catch you. I want you to catch me." He licked his lips, and leaned his forehead against hers, eyes closed again. Jasper was never the type to push for things, just accepting the cards life dealt him, and he wasn't going to start now. "I think I'm ready to let go of the safe choices."

Daya: 

She met his eyes and it was like staring into a moment, a choice where she had to choose between what she wanted and what was safe. "I don't think I've ever had much time to live," she confessed, her voice soft in the silence. His hand reached up to brush her hair out of her eyes, and his words slipped past yet another wall that she hadn't even known was there. He liked her. He dreamed about her. He wrote about her. She wasn't as eloquent as he was, nor did she always have the right words to say. Compared to him, it always felt like it wasn't enough. But she still tried. 

"Falling is terrifying." But she understood what he was trying to say. She could feel herself losing her grip, needing only one more push to let herself go. He leaned forward, his head pressed against hers and Daya swore that he would be able to hear the way her heart was thundering in her chest. How could her words ever measure up? He spoke like someone who knew love and life and it made her self-conscious again. He was clearly so smart and she had no skills whatsoever. What would she contribute?

But his breath ghosted over her lips and Daya was familiar with this territory. She might not be intelligent when it came to books and culture, but she knew people. So she decided to go with her strengths, and she closed the gap between them, lips pressing softly against his. It was fumbled and not at all like the movies made it seem, but that made it all the more real and less like some dirty fantasy.

Jasper: 

All of her words fell away, lost into the ether the moment her lips met his. And the kiss was clumsy, Jasper being caught off guard and shocked by the sudden shift. He'd kissed others before. He knew how. But their lips slid together in a way that wasn't practiced or perfected, and to him? It was everything he hoped for. 

Pulling back slightly to readjust, he focused on kissing her right, kissing her well. Still awkward, still nervous, but his lips on hers with shaking breaths, and shaking hands against her cheeks. But he was.. so completely enamored and hungry for her that all thoughts of doing it perfectly were gone the moment he recaptured her lips with his. 

This time when he pulled back he nuzzled into her cheek and pressing more kisses to the bit of skin he could reach, the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her nose. He whispered her name, breathless and wanting, wishing they weren't sitting in a park and could wrap up better in each other, but he was getting ahead of himself. 

"My heart is beating so fast."

Daya: 

It wasn't perfect and for that very reason, Daya loved it even more. It was so purely them, awkward and hesitant and daring in small doses. He pulled back for a brief moment only to lean in once more, and- oh. This is what people meant. His hands cupped her face and kept her close, not that she wanted to be anywhere but here. 

Even as he pulled away a second time, he stayed close and he touched her like she might disappear. It felt like a dream, but the cold bite of the wind, the soft cotton of his shirt, it was all real. "Me too," she giggled breathlessly. Even as fear and anxiety threatened to take over, she pressed closer, breathing him in so she might not ever forget this moment. 

"I trust you to catch me."

Jasper: 

Jasper's laugh matched hers, and they were kind of wrapped up in each other, but that's all that mattered, didn't it? "I really don't wanna go back home." He murmured again, still nuzzling against her cheek and savoring the moment for what it was worth. But he nodded, "I'll catch you. I might stumble a little cause I'm not super strong, but I'll try my best." 

After a few moments of just.. soaking each other up, he pulled back to look at her better and traced the bridge of her nose with the back of his finger. Gentle, and loving, in a way. "When do you have to head back?"

Daya: 

She gripped his shirt tighter as he mentioned going home. Daya didn't want him to leave either, but he had to. They were still so far off from there and things were still new. Lex and Jakob might start to worry, and so might Jasper's moms and roommates. "You are strong. And it's okay, because all I ask for is your best. Perfection is impossible. But perfect can stay over there. I don't want him." 

Her eyes fluttered shut as his finger touched her face gently, as though he was mapping it out. "Probably soon," she said, a regretful tinge to her tone. "I don't want to make Lex stay up too late, and I'm starting to get a little tired." She tried to stifle a yawn, only part of it escaping with a small sigh.

Jasper: 

"Perfection is gross, we are stupidly imperfect and having fun over here in weirdo-land." He chuckled, but pouted a little at the mention of having to part, to leave her so soon when they finally figured something out. "That's okay, though. It's probably for the best. Don't wanna catch a cold and I don't want your ribs to hurt too much in the morning."

He ghosted a hand over said ribs, but didn't press or linger. "One more kiss, then, and I'll text you when I get home?"

Daya: 

Daya laughed slightly at his words and nodded. "I agree. I think I'm having a pretty good time in weirdo-land," she smiled at him. She wanted to kiss away the pout that was on his lips, but he conceded before she could. She sucked in a breath as a warm hand brushed against her ribs and she sighed. "One more kiss," she murmured as she pressed her lips against his once more. It was a promise and a tease and a safety net all in one gesture. 

"Get home safely. And definitely text," she nodded. "Be safe please."

[liyah-simone]

Breakable || Aaliyah (Solo)

TAGGING→ Aaliyah Hardwick (Solo) TIME→ July 19th, 2019 LOCATION→ Various Places Around New Eden NOTES→ The Nameless get the last laugh. Aaliyah gets delved a surprising punishment.

The goings on for the past week were just... unbelievable. Aaliyah wasn't certain of anything anymore. And though in her adult life uncertainty and questioning her own beliefs had become routine, this was something more. She lay curled up on her couch, eyes strained from the hours of case review prior, wondering if the submissive and switch cases she took even mattered. The needle was clearly not moving fast enough because though the group of terrorist were in the wrong, they had actual support, people arguing the validity. That, the people’s support of the extreme part of the movement worried her. She needed to do more. The law changed so slowly, but it was her duty to figure out a way to give it a turbo boost. The problem was the figuring out. She’d been at this so long the laws blurred. The letters she’d written in favor of reevaluation of certain laws, under pseudonym of course, had all gone unanswered. Trying to solve a problem in the shadows was complicated, but she had family and obligation to think of. But at the end of the day she was Aaliyah Simone Hardwick, there was nothing she couldn’t juggle or figure out, it just took time.

A soft cat like yawn escaped into the air letting Liyah know it was time to move from the couch to the bed. Her mind had raced enough laps for the night. After quieting all the lights she slipped into a silk nightgown, placed her bonnet on her wrapped hair, and climbed into her too-large-for-one-person bed. As she snuggled close to her childhood stuffed pig she silently prayed for the first night of true rest in days. 

Noises crept into her dreams, and Aaliyah cursed her mind for creating trouble where there was none. That is until, her fully awake-self heard more. She sat up unmoving in her bed, mentally searching for some sort of weapon for protection. First there was the vandalizing of her car the night before, now people had come to loot her home?! How’d they even get in? A moment later she quietly swung her legs over the side of her bed and reached for the fairly weighty scale underneath. Before she was fully upright again there was a figure darting toward her. She took too long to react, because by the time her brain caught up there were three other figures in the room, the scale had fallen to the floor with a loud thud, and the original body had her pinned. Panic, Panic, Panic! Aaliyah’s screams were quickly muffled and her flailing arms and legs bound. Hot tears began to stream down her cheeks as she fruitlessly continued to try to kick herself free. She hadn’t seen it coming. It was over so quickly. A needle was jammed into her arm, it seemed as soon as she registered the prick, everything went black.

Aaliyah groaned as her surroundings transformed from a palette of dull blurred color to familiar faces. A beat later she realized she was stripped bare in front of … The Nameless? Panic began to course through her body and she trembled erratically. Frantically looking around the room, her tears morphed into muffled sobs. What the hell was this! A nightmare? The entrance to hell? She couldn’t breath. A voice began to speak but the sounds were unrecognizable contending with the ringing in her ears. Aaliyah’s eyes locked with her on in a screen in front of her, and she realized everyone was seeing this, everyone was witnessing her violation, loss of dignity, will, her fear. Another sob quaked through her body, almost sending her tumbling forward.

One of the masked men said her name and suddenly her ears perked up, the Mayor… Henri was going to be forced to be her tormentor because she was a… Daya, Lex, Rosemary, Marcus. A true realization of what was happening to all of them hit her hard. She was about to be tortured. Aaliyah’s sobs continued because she just didn’t know what else to do. With the simple description of her “punishment” her body already began to ache at the thought.

Her gag was removed and masked figures surrounded her pulling her to her feet. Aaliyah, pleaded. “Don’t do this… please.” They said nothing, but their silence told her this was going to be as awful as she’d imagined. Her body was fixed in a squatted position, arms stretched over her head and tied into place. The shackles clasped tightly around her ankles immediately cutting into the skin. She cried out in pain before looking at Henri. She spoke through her sobs. “Please, j-just get it over… j-just do it.” This was happening to her. There was clearly no way out of that, but the other woman could save herself. Aaliyah shut her eyes tightly and turned her head struggling to remain still. She was certain her legs would give out before an hours time. Her body just wouldn’t survive this… She screamed when she momentarily lost her balance, her arms pulling so hard, it felt as if one were early dislocated.

Henri began placing the clothes pins along Aaliyah’s body, and the sharp pain elicited a jerk and subsequent tug on her arms. The largest spasm came from the placement on her nipples which the other woman thankfully saved for last, but she still couldn’t muffle her screams. The position itself was exhausting, the constant sharp pulling of her arms, the pins harshly pinching the skin along her torso… She was nearly passed out by the time her hour was up, but then it was time for the lashes. Aaliyah didn’t think she would be able to take much more. Henri’s hand was light even with everything, she realized that, and it seemed so had The Nameless because after just 3 licks Henri was gone and someone else was delving out her punishment. And oh was the difference noticeable, 15 back breaking whacks to her torso and then 15 more to her vulva. Her screams echoed and tears seemed unending. 

It was over. She was unchained, untied, and Aaliyah’s body fell limp to the hard ground like a sack, before she curled into the fetal position. She doesn’t know how long she laid their quietly sobbing before someone yanked her up from the ground and shoved her naked body out into the hot summer air. Walking was difficult but she marched on, aching legs like jelly, humiliated, and in more pain then she’d ever experienced. Her mind went blank. She had no idea where she was or where they were all going. Numb. There was no sound. There was only nothingness. She was forced to her knees once again and she just let her body fall over to the grass in chaos.

Aaliyah had no recollection of how she arrived at the police station. She could hear her father yelling from… somewhere, and an officer who she was sure she knew but couldn’t place, asking her questions she had no answers to. 

If a person could be completely and utterly broken, then that was the point Aaliyah found herself. Her father rushed over when they finally allowed him back. He tried to hug her and she pushed him away forcefully, only to look at him apologetically before walking out of the station. Her mother and father insisted on taking her home with them and she just didn’t have the energy to say no, even though all she wanted to do was crawl into a ball and disappear. Exhausted, dehydrated, and defeated, Aaliyah refused to sleep because she knew what dreams would come, she refused to drink or eat. She should have been at a hospital, but instead she just sat in her childhood bedroom, crying out the last of moisture her body had left, feeling so alone in the world.

[lexstovall]

WHO: Lex Stovall and Daya Ray @dayaray

WHAT: Lex goes to visit Daya at the Seaside to have a conversation or two. They talk about the possibility of friendship, and Daya’s thoughts about Switch politics.

WHEN: Monday afternoon, 7/9

When Lex was able to get a moment to breathe and leave the hospital, she goes to the Seaside to deliver the flowers to Daya that she had bought from Fliss. She apologizes for how harsh her message came across and explains that she was upset, though that is no excuse. She also explains that she doesn’t want to pay to spend time with her and wants to explore a real friendship between the two. 

Daya is understandably confused and a bit taken aback and asks Lex why. 

Lex explains that she’s grown attached to her, but doesn’t want to make it into a thing like some of her other customers might. She just wants and needs a friend, and thinks that Daya could use one, too. The conversation is a bit awkward, but they soldier on and get to harsher topics, Lex’s mind on her talk with Amira during the festival. 

She asks Daya what her thoughts were on the Cross bombing. 

"I don't agree with what he did. There's no excuse for killing anyone, no matter what. But.. I definitely understand why he felt like he had no other choice. It's like... It's like, have you ever had the kind of dream where you're in a crowd and you're shouting and screaming, trying to get people to even look at you, and it's like you don't exist at all. That's my life. I mean, not exactly because people obviously still see me but... They don't care about who I am or what I say or do or anything. I'm just... Window dressing."

"The day of the bombing, it was business as normal. I made toast for breakfast with the last of the bread and I remember thinking I needed to go to the store later. And I can't... Really explain it. But I felt it, maybe half a minute before I heard the explosion. Not the actual explosion but a sick feeling, right here." She presses her fingers right above her belly button. "And then I heard it. The boom, the silence, then the sirens. I remember the neighborhood boys running down the street to see. We could only see the giant plume of smoke from here." "Once I learned what happened, what he did, I had four clients cancel on me. I decided to cancel everything else and I didn't leave my place for three days. I was terrified that if I walked outside, and someone saw my tattoo, that they would... I don't know, think that I agreed with it." "Had canned beans and those fruit cups with all that sugar. Honestly if there had been more food, I probably would have holed up for longer than that." "I followed the news all day. Barely slept, just... Kept listening to all these newscasters screaming about how all Switches were dangerous and needed to be locked up and how we're just a drain on society. One particularly charming man said we should all be sterilized. " "There were four switches killed there that day, do you know that? Most people think that Dominants and submissives were the only ones who were hurt. And why would they think any different? Their names were never the topic of any newspaper column or some biographical article. Just names and ages on the list of the dead. Kyle Hearst, 43. Rachel Clydon, 26. Hayley Phillips, 31. Walker Phillips, 6." "For a month after, I kept thinking that the police were going to show up out of nowhere. Every time they arrested me, I thought it was the last time I'd ever see the outside. Eventually, you just have to move on, but the fear never fades. We just don't have a choice really."

Lex is stunned, taken aback by how intense the story she relates is and can do nothing more than just apologize. After composing herself, she asks Daya’s opinion about the V-Shot and voting rights, to try and get her thoughts straight.

Daya explains that she’s curious about what it’s like without the shot. Lex tries to explain to the best of her ability, but Daya can’t grasp it as she has no frame of reference for the words Lex uses. As for voting, Daya’s thoughts are that “it would be nice, [...] but it’s wishful thinking. Why spend effort and energy thinking about something that’ll never change.”

They continue the conversation and eventually trail away from the subject and enjoy their lunch together, both drained from how intense the subject actually was, until they have to get back to work.

[jizemderler]

It’s my birthday (yayy) and I‘ve decided to post the first chapter to a story I‘ve been writing. If you like it, I‘ll post more. If you don‘t, I‘ll keep writing for myself.

Enjoy!

One Flower: Camila Monroe is a teen. With her own ups and downs. Her loves and heartbreaks. Her lies and truths. Just one...out of a million flowers. But one flower is always someones favourite flower.

{Part One}

You know those movies or stories where the nerdy but hot girl hates that one super hot guy at school who is a football player, because they always are, but suddenly something happens - let’s say a chemistry project has to be done - and they get paired. Bada bing bada bum a bit of flirtation, drama, one problems or two, making up and a happy ever after.

Yeah that’s not my story though. I am the literal incarnation of the side dish. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the main course but people still like me. But on the side. Like the baby sister of that football player. I’m not hot, not in anyway. Not nerdy hot or innocent hot or any-hot. I’m not ugly either…I’m just me. Regular and invisible. And that’s not going to change throughout the story. No big make over where every guy at school falls in love with me. I’m also not really good at anything in particular. Like I don’t have a secret talent or like a sex dungeon and weird fetishes. I’m average, whatever that means, and I’m cool with it. Always was.

And for the record I said I was the baby sister but the omg-he’s-so-cute brother of mine isn’t that much older. He is a senior and I’m a junior. Not that he would have that overprotective brother thing. He doesn’t. Which I’m glad for. Most people don’t even know that we are siblings - or they choose to ignore it-  because we don’t look alike (duh) and because we don’t talk to each other at school. He lives in his world and I live in mine. Which is also cool with me. We also have a baby brother who is only 9. My mom and pap always wanted two kids but you know…things happen and so you get a kid 7 years apart from your second one. No biggie.

“Camila!”

And that’s the name of the side dish. Nice to meet you.

“Camila Monroe if you don’t come down right away your brother will leave without you!”

And that…that is the voice of my angry mom and my cue to stop daydreaming. I take my backpack and throw it over my shoulder and push my glasses back before going downstairs.

„Why didn’t you guys give me a second name? Like it doesn’t have the same affect when you call me by my full name. Not as dictator-y as it could be.“ I mock her playfully and she rolls her eyes.

„It’s too early for you to be witty with me. And now go. Oh and he is annoyed already. Be nice to him.” my Mom tells me and I roll my eyes. „I’m always nice. Bye mom.“ I answer and give her a kiss before stepping into my boots and walking outside. „You’re late.” he says as soon as I sit shotgun and I groan. “And you’re an ass.” He frowns and I roll my eyes at his mood. Mom was right. „What? I thought we were pointing out the obvious. Can we go?“ He looks at me, his mouth slightly open -ready to shoot back but then his gaze travels over my shoulder which makes me look too. Oh and then there is Noah. His brown hair is a bunch of curls falling into his face, covering some of his forehead, as if he just came out of the ocean. His eyebrows are currently formed into a frown which I know would go away if I would go over them with my thumb, stroking them slightly. As soon as his melty chocolate brown eyes catch mine I shake my head and look back at Jace. Noah is our neighbors kid. Who also happens to be my ex. Noah and I have been close since kindergarden. We developed feelings over the time and fell for each other. We were great together. He was like me in a sence. He was normal.

But then puberty hit him. Like a truck. And things changed. He changed. And I didn’t. Right next to me is Jock number one and over there staring into the car is Jock number 2. He just grew more popular day by day and I was overwhelmed. And that he was a senior didn’t help my self-confidence either. It’s been almost a year since we broke up. You know how you talk to someone until 4 a.m every single day and suddenly you don’t talkt to them at all anymore? That’s us. "Jace.” I say, no more playfullness in my voice and he understands and starts the engine immediatly. We drive in silence and I jump out of the car as soon as he shuts the engine off. “Wait! Take the keys. I’ll be late today.” he says and throws me the keys over the car and I pick them off the ground.

“Nice.”

“Shut up.”

I turn around at the gate and see him meet up with Noah and I cringe and turn around. They’re friends, share classes and they are in the same team of course they’ll meet up. At least Jace is sensitive enough not to do it in my face. As I walk into class I see the one person I’m comfortable around. “Thank god you’re here. I thought you were skipping and I already was planing on a way out. Probably the window. Two floors shouldn’t be that bad.” she jokes and I roll my eyes “Don’t say that.”

“Sure thing. Oh, look who’s coming.”

I put my stuff down and look up while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and stop mid movement.

I introduced to you all of the people that matter in my life…everyone besides Ethan. He smiles one of his beautiful smiles towards me and winkes before sitting down infront of me.

“I think he has a cr…” Daya starts but I shush her immediatly. Ethan is the kind of guy who could have anyone but doesn’t notice it. He has those kind hazel eyes and wavy blond-ish hair, always a little messy. He himself is really put together though, in a hot way. His muscels help too of course. Definetly not a Jock but he seems to do some kind of sport.

“Don’t even start with that. We’re good friends.” I whisper over to her and she raises her hands above her head and leans back in her chair. “Hey Daya! Why are your arms up? Want to give me a hug?” some dumbass yells and I roll my eyes again. Here we go.

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself Peter? Since that is the only time you will ever get fu…”

“Good morning people! Alissa put that mirror down you don’t look any different than two minutes ago, Peter wipe that overwhelmed expression off your face we didn’t even start the lesson yet…and Daya! I heared.” Professor Khan said and put his bag down onto his desk. He was this old, slim and tall, indian man with grey hair and a grey beard. You could practically see that he was a heartbreaker in his young days. Maybe even now. I kinda liked him as a teacher because he was always chill.

„Alright class, who’s done their assignment?“

A roar goes through class and everybody starts looking around for someone to know what the assignment was but our confusion is ended with Mr Khans gentle laugh.

„Just kidding. I didn’t give you homework over the weekend because I’m that dope.” he says and adds a handsign in there which makes us all groan and roll our eyes.

„Isn’t that the term? Dope? Or was it Lit? In our time we called us fresh but that’s another story.“ he says and laughs to himself while unpacking his stuff.

„Alright. We will start a discussion.” he says and claps his hands while coming to the front and leaning against his desk. „What does success mean to you?“

I could see people frowning or rolling their eyes and I start scribbling something on the paper in front of me. „Camila?”. Of course. Of course Camila.

„Uh, I mean…everything is based on success these days. You want to be respected and looked up on in school? You got to be successfull. But not too successfull because then you’re a nerd. You want to have it easy with the teacher? Just be great at their subject and everything will be fine. You want to go to a specific college? You got to be successfull in highschool. You want to actually work after college? You got to be one of the best in your classes. You want to keep your job? You better be the best….I guess.“ I finish my ranting and he nods to my answer.

���Yes. Aiden.” Mr. Khan says and dismisses me and I take a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

„You want to talk about something?“ Daya whispers over to me and I raise my eyebrows. „What? Me? No. Why?” I whisper back immediatly and she leans back again. „I don’t know. You seemed…troubled.“

„Nah. I’m fine. Really. Just wanted him to let me off the hook.” I answer and she shruggs her shoulders.

„Okay.“

The discussion continues and I don’t take part in it anymore. Success is overrated anyway. What about hapiness? What if I’m successfull but unhappy? Is success still more important then?

I pack my belongings after the bell rings while everybody starts to storm out. After I’m finished I throw my bag over my shoulder and start walking out too when Mr. Khan holds me up.

„Hey, Camila?”

„Yes, sir?“

„Success isn’t all that bad you know. You just have to get to it in your own way and not how other people want you to.” he says and smiles a little smile and I shrug apologetically.

„Whatever you say Mr.Khan.“ I say before backing away towards the door and saluting playfully as a goodbye which makes him chuckle and shake his head.

I walk out with a grin and forget to look straight ahead and collide with a chest. I grip onto my stuff so nothing slides to the ground and so does the person I collided with, by holding me by my arms. „Sorry.” I say before I look up and meet those brown eyes again. Shit. He let’s go of me like a hot potato and takes a step back.

„Suits you.“ he blurts out and I frown.

„What?”

„The smile. You don’t do it very often anymore.“ he says like in trance and I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. I shake my head and sigh to myself before stepping aside to leave without another word. I’m a lot of things but one thing I’m not is beeing friends with my ex. That doesn’t work. Not even in movies. I walk through the halls towards my next classes trying not to think about his face.

***

After my last class I said my goodbye to Daya and made my way to the parking lot. While pulling out the key I stuffed into the side pocket of my bag I noticed someone in the corner of my eye. „Hey! You need a ride?” I asked before my brain could catch up and Ethan looked up towards me with raised eyebrows.

„Hey! Uh…my mom was going to be here but she got caught up. So actually, yeah. If it’s okay.“ he stumbled over his words and made me laugh.

„Sure thing. Just to warn you though: I may not be the best driver.” I joked while waving him over and we started to walk to my car. „You live near the city park right?“ I ask while getting into the drivers seat and he sits shutgun. „Yeah. But you can drop me of on your way to yours. I‘ll just have to take a right and walk two minutes from there.“ he offers and I shrug my shoulders while starting the engine. I ignore the brown curls while I drive out of the parking lot and concentrate on the road.

„So who else do you have in your classes?“ I ask into the silence and he looks over. „Well we‘ve got English together with Mr.Khan. I love that guy.“ he chuckles and and I smile and nodd so he can continue, „I got Miss Hallow in math and I could die right here right now thinking of that. I feel like she is the evil witch of our school.“

„Yeah I‘m so happy that I don‘t have her this year. She made my life hell last year.“ I say before I recognize what I just said and facepalm myself in my head. He looks at me with a grin and I squint my eyes for a split second before I remember that I‘m the one driving.

„Sorry.“

„It‘s okay. I love hearing you rambling. Sometimes people habe to many filters.“ He says looking out the front window and try not to frown and decipher what he means by that.

„Anyway. I got Mr. Masselin in Biology.“

„Who‘s that? I don‘t recall that name?“ I ask inbetween.

„You know the hot one? Every girl and I think some guys too, is drooling after him.“ he says rolling his eyes and makes me chuckle. „Doesn‘t ring a bell.“ I say and he smiles. „Thank god.“ As soon as he says that his eyes go wide and he looks at me, his cheeks slightly flushed. „I mean, you know. Thank god your not one of the basic ones.“ he drives himself deeper into the mud and makes me laugh.

„Yeah. Never have been.“ I say trying to lift some of the emberrasment off of his shoulders. „Moving on. I have Mrs Khan in chemistry. And let me tell you she is nothing like her husband. That woman is feisty. Not kidding.“ he changes the topic.

„Yeah, I know! Noah used to love messing around with her, just to get on her nerves.“ I say again, my mouth faster than my brain. I start to think if I do have any filter. An awkward silence spreads between us and I repeatedly facepalm myself in my head. I‘m so stupid for bringing him up.

„That‘s the senior right? The Jock? I‘ve seen him woth your brother. They seem to be good friends.“ he says as if we aren‘t talking about my ex and I‘m so gratefull that he is taking it so light heartedly.

„Yeah that one.“ I asnwer and he nods letting go of the subject.

„You see that spot. You can stop right there.“ he says after two minutes more of driving in silence and I pull over. „Thank you for letting me ride along.“ he says with a 1000 watt smile and my heart skipps a beat. „Sure thing.“ I say and return his smile. He takes his bag and gets out of the car. I‘m about to say bye when he turns around. He has this nervous expression on his face and keeps shifting from one leg to the other.

„Uh, I wanted to ask you something? Dou you want to, you know, go out sometime? Maybe for the movies or just dinner. I don‘t know.“ he says nervously and avoids my eyes and I put him out of his misery. „I‘d love to.“

„Really?“ he says surprised and I chuckle.

„Why is that such a shocker to you?“ I tease and his cheeks flush again.

„Uh, no! It‘s not. It‘s great actually. Thank you. I - I‘ll text you when?“ he offers and I nodd with a smile and his heartwarming smile returns to his lips.

„See you.“

„Bye.“ he says and shuts the door and waves while I pull out of my spot and drive away. That was fun.

***

I‘m doing my homework after dinner and jump when I hear a loud thud from the other room where Jace is. I put my pen onto my desk and listen carefully what‘s going on.

„Shit.“

„Fuck.“ I hear him curse and I get up to walk out of my room. I remember my mom saying that he wasn‘t in a good mood and appearently that hadn‘t changed throughout the day. I knock lightly at his door and wait for an answer.

„I‘m fine.“ he says and I roll my eyes.

„I‘m coming in.“ I warn him and open the door. I stay in the door and lean against the doorframe. „Hey.“

„Hey.“ he murmurs and I roll my eyes again. I walk into the room and throw myself beside him onto the bed.

„You good?“

„Yeah.“

„You don’t sound like it.“ I press and he sighs.

„Just let it go?“ he asks and I shrugg my shoulders turning onto my back lying next to him.

„Whenever you‘re ready big bro.“ I say to lighten the mood but I make sure that he doesn‘t miss the sincere undertone.

[hollands-poppet]

ALL WE HAVE IS NOW PT 7// TOM HOLLAND X READER

Summary: Y/N is living the Hollywood dream but is conflicted with her feelings when her old flame comes back around..

Word count: 6.3K 💛

A/N: Writing this part was interesting ahahaha but shit sort of goes down. Anyway, I hope you like this part!! I busted my ass writing it (’:

PART1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 

warnings: SMUT ALERT, REPEAT SMUT. also there is cussing ,angst and drama, also I sort of proofread this but not really so yeah

-

-

“Don’t worry darling, I got you covered.” Tom gives you a grin, and pulls you out of his flat. Your hands intertwining as you make the way to the car waiting for you both outside, Y/N not getting the chance to see the negative test that lies in the trash can in Tom’s bathroom.

-

-

The drive to the hotel was a bit awkward between Y/N and Tom, they hadn’t spoken since the night before. It was about a 40 minute drive til they reached the hotel, and Y/N had still was jittery about taking a test that she didn’t know what the result was. As of now, she thought she was pregnant and she was going to stick to that.

“So,” Y/N clears her throat, “How was your morning?” She crosses her legs and looks at Tom who is looking out the window, into the city, “It was alright, just went to the gym and did some other things.”  

Y/N purses her lips, and she can’t stand the awkwardness in the car, “Look, I’m so sorry about all of this.” Tom doesn’t respond, his eyes stuck looking out of the window. He wanted to be upset about all of it but for some reason he couldn’t, you being pregnant wasn’t exactly the plan but you were here. He wanted nothing but all of you, he didn’t know if he could share you but he knew that you would still be his regardless.

“Tom, are you gonna say anything?” She hugs herself, feeling some type of nervousness through her body, “Please say something.” He runs his fingers through his hair, and leans forward with his elbows landing on his knees, “I believe that you didn’t know about your birth control expiring. It’s my fault too.” He brings himself backup to his seat, and looks into Y/N’s eyes, “I should’ve still used a condom.” No matter how mad he wanted to be, her Y/E/C eyes always looked so honest and it was almost like he was falling in love with her all over again.

Y/N rolls her eyes, not in annoyance but she told him that it was okay. He should be mad at her, so she moves her hand to his thigh, and lightly squeezes it, “But-” He quickly holds your hand that rests on his, and looks at you “Darling, it’s okay. We’ll figure out. I’ve been fighting for you since day 1, this isn’t going to change anything.”

Y/N blushes, and Tom notices. He takes in all of you, he studies your eyes, your smile, and he’s always loved you. Y/N let’s go of his hand and places her hand on her lap, and he was so happy to finally have you here with him. Even though she wasn’t going to admit it, in this moment she knew she was in love with him too. Tom has always wanted you both to be endgame, He just wanted to make sure you did too.

-

-

As soon as you walk into the hotel room, you’re greeted by Zendaya with a big hug, “oh my god, Y/N! I missed you so much!” You stay in Z’s embrace, your chin lies on her shoulder, and you take in her presence. Your best friend was back home, and you almost felt alone so having Zendaya around felt heart-warming.

You let out a light sigh, “Me too, you look so good.” Zendaya’s hair is pulled back, and is currently in the baking process for her makeup. She is in a white robe, and some slippers while Y/N is still in her workout clothes.

Zendaya notices Tom’s awkward posture behind you both, both of his hands lie in his pocket while he watches Y/N in the dark beauty’s arms. He wants so bad to hug her that way but he had to work up to that, and he hoped tonight would bring them closer together again.

He makes eye contact with Zendaya, and then runs his fingers through his hair, “Well, I’m gonna start getting ready.. I’ll leave you two to catch up.” Z knew of Tom’s plan but had no idea of what was really going on. He turned around on his heel and went straight into the room next door to get ready of the premiere.

Y/N feels almost flustered by everything going on and begins to sob. This brings Z to immediately pull away, “Y/N, what’s wrong?” You shake your head, “Nothing,” you wipe away a tear, “Just stressed.” At that moment, Law Roach walks into the room and interrupts the two of you, “Okay, we need to get Y/N into makeup as soon as possible and Daya, you need your makeup finished.” He notices Y/N sobbing, “Girl, what is it now?”

Zendaya quickly turns to look at Law, and widens her eyes, “Law!” Y/N stands behind Z while her friend lightly scolds her stylist. He flips his hair and pushes his glasses up his nose, “Well, I’m just asking. She be acting pitiful.” They all stand in the room, tension rising but he was right Y/N thought. You were being such a Debby downer, so you decide to just come out with it, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Both Zendaya and Law’s heads snap at you, you stand with your arms crossed looking down. Law breaks the silence, “I’ll be in the restroom if y’all need me.” He flips his hair and leaves the room, while Z covers her mouth, “You’re serious?” You nod, “Yeah, I think so. I took a test and it was positive.” You don’t bring up the test you took before arriving but your friend visibly notices your doubt.

“Y/N, are you sure?” Y/N takes a seat on her bed, and takes off her nike sweater, “No, I’m not. I took another test before coming here, and I didn’t get to see what it said.” Z grabs Y/N’s forearms and drags her up from her seat, “We’ll talk while you shower.” You’re thrown into the restroom while Z takes a seat in front of the vanity that is on the other side of the room while the make-up artist continues to beat her face.

Law is lowkey living for the tea but leaves the restroom to lay out your outfit for the carpet. You step into the shower, and close the curtain. You undress in there, and throw your clothes over the pole that holds the curtain and then finally turn on the water, and you hear Z’s voice echos into the shower, “How did Tom take it?” The cold water hits your skin, and you let out a light gasp, then the water turns into a lukewarm and let it hit your face, you talk through the water “I don’t know, I expected him to be more upset.”

Y/N begins to scrub herself down when she hears Z again, “He didn’t seem that upset this morning when-” you’re scrubbing down your face with soap when you didn’t hear her finish her sentence, “Zendaya?” You let the water hit your face, and you wipe the soap off of your face and bring the shower curtain to the side still hiding your nude body.

You see her avoiding eye contact with you, “What happened this morning? Tell me, Z!!” She is looking up at the ceiling as the artist is wiping away the powder from her under eyes, “Look, he didn’t seem upset when we went to go get you a look for the carpet.” You bring your head back into the shower, and let the water from the shower hit your head, the water running down your face. Z continues, “He loves you Y/N.. like a lot.”

Y/N stops scrubbing herself down, and smiles. She already knew that, if he didn’t none of this would be happening. You bring your hands to the water turners and turn off the water, your roll your hair and make sure all excess water falls off your locks.

Z’s hand pops into the shower holding a towel, and you grab it and wrap yourself quickly. Y/N tugs the shower curtain open, and there she is, hair did and makeup done. “Just let me ask you something..” Her hand sticks out, and you take hold of it so that you don’t slip coming out of shower. “Do you want to be with him?” You re-adjust the towel that hangs from your chest and you really think about it.

You knew you loved him, he’s your possible baby daddy but actually claiming someone is so different. This is one of the biggest things that you couldn’t come to deal with, and you knew your answer but before you could tell Z, you’re interrupted by Law.

“If you want to go out looking like a mess then keep on talking but I suggest you get your butt in that makeup chair.” He stands at the doorway with his arms crossed, he’s so sassy but he knows what he’s doing. You look back at Zendaya who is looking down at her phone, “I’ll be back, Haz wants to talk to me.”

Y/N gasps, “What? Are you guys a thing now?” Z shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know, I mean.. we’re definitely vibing.” She begins to walk towards the door, and when you were about to compliment her and Haz, she threw a shot “We ain’t pregnant so we’re taking it slow.” She looks over her shoulder and laughs, Y/N lets out a shocked laugh as you stare at her from the vanity mirror. That was cold but a good comeback.

-

-

Your hair and makeup was simple, your hair tucked behind your ears with loose curls, and a neutral look with a nude lip. As the artist is finishing your face with setting spray, you feel your phone begin to vibrate on your lap, you seen Manny on your screensaver.

“Hey Manny, what are you doing up?” The time difference was about 8 hours apart, your best friend should be asleep by now. You hear her laugh on the other line, “I should be dreaming but you won’t believe what I just busted my ass for.” Law comes up behind you in the vanity, “Motha, we’re running short on time we need to get you in your dress.” You get up from the makeup chair and keep the phone pressed to your ear while you walk to the next room, “What did you do?”

She clears her throat, “Well, I had to kiss major ass but I got you a 3 movie deal contract which includes…” and it’s almost like Manny’s words aren’t even being said in your ear, you can hear everything she is saying but you can’t make out it out because you’re distracted at the dress that is lying out on in front of you. It’s a red fitted dress, off the shoulder and it’s just along the line of your taste.

“Hello? Y/N?! Did you just hear what I said?” You clear your throat, “No, I didn’t. Sorry, I’m so..” there is a pause, “I’m just distracted by this dress that Zendaya got me..”

Then out comes the dark beauty from the door entrance, “Actually Tom picked that one out, I just approved it.” She is wearing some green pants with a red long sleeve top with some flamingos, it seems like this event is a little more casual than usual.

Your jaw drops as your look back at Z, she just lets out a small grin while she is putting on an earring. You put the phone to your shoulder and hold it with your ear as you pick the dress up in your hands, it really is a beautiful dress. Tom knows you so well is the only thought that could come to your mind, and then you hear your best friend on the phone, “Y/N! This is important!” You set the dress back down, “What is it?” You’re sort of listening but not really.

“If you sign this contract, you get to do Wicked.” You take a seat next to the dress, “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not, there is a catch though.” The make up artist begins to rub lotion that has glitter on your legs, you wait for her to respond, it’s almost as she is nervous to tell you.

“You’re going to have to work with Timothee.” Yikes, that sure brought you down a bit. You didn’t know if that was the best thing, you literally broke his heart and Universal wanted you to work with him. “Manny, you know I can’t-”

“Listen, I know it sounds bad but Wendy ripped you a new one on TV the other day. This would clear up all rumors, you would have Tom’s baby at that point and everything would be fine. They would want you to film as soon as possible before your bump starts showing, or they’ll wait for you after.”

“And where in that do you think Tom would be okay with me working with Timothee?” You want to rub your face so bad but you have makeup on, you notice Law motion to you that you need to get dressed. You stand up, and the makeup artist begins to put the glitter lotion your chest and shoulders, Manny continues her shpiel “Tom is an actor, there has to be a silver lining somewhere in there. And this is your career, not his.”

You click your tongue, “I have to think about it.” Law unzips the dress and you slip your feet through the top of the dress, the towel still hanging from your chest and the makeup artist applying the lotion on your back.

“Well, there isn’t much time to think.” You roll your eyes, you were super done with this conversation, “I have to go Manny, I don’t have an answer for you right now.”

“Fine. You’re welcome by the way, I’m gonna get some sleep while you live it up out there with Tom.”

“Manny, don’t be that way. Hello? Manny?Manny?” She had hung up on you, you started to feel bad. All she was trying to do was help you but it was true but you didn’t have an answer for her right now. You needed to figure out what was going on with Tom and your pregnancy first. You’ll call her later, she would probably ignore your call anyway.

Before you knew it, the dress was slipped on perfectly and Law threw on some black louboutins to go with it. You walk back into the restroom, and you’re feeling yourself. As you stare at yourself in the vanity, the brown haired boy appeared over your shoulder, “Y/N, you look absolutely beautiful.” You turn around and immediately compliment him on his taste, “Thank you for the dress, its stunning.”

He walks towards you, “I remember seeing you in the blue dress at that award show, and you looked beautiful with that off the shoulder look.” His finger lightly graces across your shoulder blade as his moves one of your curls behind your neck, his touch gives you chills. Tom is wearing some black jeans with some boots and a black leather jacket. The only pop of color he is wearing is his black button up that has some kind of white floral design on it, he looks so good though. His locks slick backed, and his eyebrow combed up, you both were different people now but still so in love.

“I’ll pay you back for it.” Y/N turns back around to face the vanity and runs her hands down her waist, and Tom comes up behind her, “You know I won’t take your money, love.” His left hand comes up to your hip, and you feel him getting closer. The gap between you becoming smaller, and you decide to close it by turning around and you bring Tom closer to you by tugging on his jacket. You’re about the same height as him with your heels, so your eyes were leveled, you sigh in frustration “What are we gonna do?”

His hand creeps up behind your neck, bringing you nose to nose “ Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe we can finally have our happy ending” Y/N and Tom both know in this moment that they both are in love with each other, their lips gravitating towards each other.

Nothing in this moment existed but Y/N and Tom. Nothing Manny had just told her mattered, her career or his. They both wanted nothing more in this moment than each other, tension is high and lips about to touch when Z interrupts, “That’s going to be bad when your lipstick is smeared all over your face, just wait till the night is over.” She passes the both of them, and grabs a lipstick from the vanity, “Come on, Spider-Man can’t be late.”

-

-

The limo space to the event was insane, you and Tom sat next to each other, Haz and Zendaya across from both of you. You can’t help but bite your bottom lip every time you glanced at the duo, you couldn’t believe that the night you saw her in Tom’s bed was the night she was actually trying to impress Harrison. This isn’t exactly how you imagined this to end up but maybe this was meant to happen like Tom had said.

The hardships were rough you’d admit, after the whole incident it was rough without him. You had met Timothee who you did fall in love with but you knew by not giving him your all that he wasn’t the one. Maybe you both could be friends, shit if you took Universal’s deal you were gonna have to be friends. If she even took this deal, she didn’t know if Tom was going to be okay with it. Did you want to be with him? Yes. You were having his baby that was a fact. But were you going to deny the deal because you were afraid he was he going to be mad? No. Well maybe. You didn’t know.

Haz knocks you out of your trance when you hear him say it was time to jam in the car, he connects his phone to the aux, “What do you wanna jam out to?” Tom pulls out his chapstick from his pocket, and starts applying “Something good mate, something we can all sing to,” You and Zendaya stare at the blonde as her looks through his phone and he lets out a devilish grin, “I found a bop.” Then after about 2 seconds, Zendaya’s song Replay starts playing.

Z’s eyes almost pop out of her socket, “OH MY GOD! STOP! TAKE IT OFF RIGHT NOW!” Harrison has the phone in the air out of her reach, you and Tom are dying laughing.

“Why are you freaking out, Z? It really is a bop?” You start singing along to her lyrics, you and Tom singing her lyrics in sync. She stops hassling and moves away from Haz, “Fine, don’t talk to me for the rest of the day Harrison.”

“Oh, love. I was just joking!” He scoots over to her but she is giving him a cold shoulder, her arms and legs are crossed, “No, Osterfield. Don’t try it.” Her song still playing, Haz rolls his eyes “Fine, I’ll change it.” Her song still playing in the background, and abruptly changes to Wait by Maroon 5. The change in song immediately changes Zendaya’s mood, and she elbows Harrison lightly, “Don’t ever do that again.” She laughs and gives him a light kiss on the cheek, and quickly wipes off the lipstick from his cheek.

Y/N and Tom immediately look at each other, and make grossed out faces, you both weren’t used to the PDA from your friends. You look outside the window, and start listening to the song.

Let me apologize

I'll make up, make up, make up, make up for all those times

Your love, I don't wanna lose

I'm beggin', beggin', beggin', beggin', I'm beggin' you

Wait, can you turn around, can you turn around?

And right at that moment, your hand lands on Tom’s hand and you turn to look at him who was already looking at you. You both intertwine your fingers, where they fit perfectly, and everything from your past didn’t even matter anymore just you two.

It wasn’t long before you got to the carpet, you waited to get out last so that attention wouldn’t be on you. You didn’t want to stray away from Tom’s moment, this was his movie. This was insane, you were so happy for him, he had worked so hard for all of this.

You wait in the truck until you spot Tom’s mom arriving on the carpet as well, and that’s when you decide to get off. As your foot steps onto the carpet, you yell “Nikki!” And once she sees you she makes her way towards you along with Paddy.

“Y/N, you look gorgeous.” You make a slight pft noise, as you could ever be as beautiful as Queen Nikki, “Me? You look stunning, Nikki!” She waves it off, and lets out a slight giggle, “We both look great.” You nod in agreement and greet Paddy as well, he was feeling a bit under the weather so he wasn’t his usual cheery self.

You stand off on the side with Harrison and Tom’s family as Tom and Zendaya take photos with the rest of the cast. You could hear the paparazzi calling your name as you stand off to the side, so you hide behind Harrison wanting to keep attention off of you. Y/N pulls out her phone and starts looking through her Instagram, and in her feed a photo of Timothée appears.

He looks better, the bruise and swollen eye gone from his face. How could he be so happy after what you did to him but you remember what he told you that night in the hospital to be happy yourself. He let you go so that you could be with Tom, and maybe all that sadness and stress really did lead up to this.

Yeah, being pregnant wasn’t ideal but shit happens but it’s all about who it happens with. I’m If Timothée was happy through all the bullshit you put him through, then why was it so hard for you just to be happy too?

That’s when your phone is snatched out of your hands, as you look up it’s Tom putting it in his pocket, “Come on darling, come take a photo with me.” Y/N shakes her hands, “No, Tom. This is your movie, I can’t.”

Tom caresses both of your hands in his hands, and looks at you with his brown puppy eyes, “For me, please. You started this journey with me.” You shrug your shoulders and smile, even though during the filming of this movie was torture for you it felt nice to have Tom want you a part of this right now. Something about him wanting to take photos of you felt so inviting to his heart, maybe this is what you wanted. All you knew right now in this moment, is that you were happy. You were happy to be here.

Y/N is led by Tom, your fingers intertwined together as your right hand holds onto his forearm. She keeps her head down to avoid the flashing lights, she studies Tom’s boots when he comes to a stop. His hands wrap around her waist, and her left arm rest behind his neck, and her hand on his chest. You didn’t really like taking photos for the press but you felt so safe in this moment with him.

They both slowly walk down the carpet together, Y/N giving an over the shoulder look while in Tom’s arms. She couldn’t even hear the paparazzi’s questions that’s how secure she felt with him, and as she brings her face back into his view he was already staring at her. Not like a creepy stare but he was just so mesmerized by her, how her confidence was glowing and how she was carrying herself tonight. He knew how uncomfortable she would usually be but he couldn’t read that on her right now.

“What are you looking at?” She says as she moves a curl back to her neck. Tom looks down for a second while he lets out a low laugh, when he brings his head back up his tongue runs across his bottom lip and he brings his lips to your ear. His face is hidden from the cameras as he whispers to you, “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.” As he pulls away, you catch him wink at you before he smiles back at the cameras. You smile as you let out a shy chuckle knowing that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you.

-

-

Y/N’s feet were aching as the event went on, she just wanted to go back to Tom’s and sleep, this time change was still hard to adjust to. You were by Tom’s side the whole night, and you decided to just ask him if you could take the limo back, “Tommy?”

He almost choked on his beer from you calling him by his nickname, “Yes, darling.” You pat his back to help his coughing, “Do you mind if I go back to your place, this time change has me all jacked up.” Tom places his drink on a table and rolls up his sleeves, “I’ll go back with you love, I’ll just tell Harrison and Z to take an Uber back to there hotel.” Y/N places her hand his chest, “Tom, we can’t do that to them.”

His hand grabs Y/N by the waist and leads her to their vehicle, it was a lengthy exit because Tom kept getting stopped by producers and guests at the event. You were stopped by some guests to take selfies here and there but you didn’t rush Tom when he was talking to some important people on the way out. Nikki approached you two and said her goodbyes as well, she also mentions that she scheduled a doctor’s appointment and that she would accompany you if you would have her. You were more than happy for her to come along with you, Tom was probably going to be busy doing something anyway for the Spider-Man press.

As soon as you reached the inside of the limo you popped off your heels, “Thank fuck, my feet are killing me.” Tom slides in and pulls out his chapstick, “Don’t you usually take Advil before wearing heels?” You throw the heels a foot away from you, you crinkle up your toes and roll your ankles while you stare him down, “I can’t take that if I’m pregnant, you div.”

He puts his chapstick away, and crosses his arms, “Oh, that’s right. I keep forgetting.” You let out a giggle, “Well you won’t forget when I’m huge and there is a ball coming out of my stomach.” He slides on over next to you, and pokes your stomach lightly, “You know, you being pregnant..” he takes a deep breath in, “sort of scares me.” He sighs, “Well to be honest, it scares me a shit ton.”

Y/N lets out a crooked smile, “Yeah, me too.” His hands creep up to your neck and then your cheeks, “But I wouldn’t want to experience this with anyone else but you.” Her hands creep on his, her hands holding onto his as he holds her cheeks, tears slowly flowing to her eyes, “I want you Tommy, love me please.” And without thinking twice, his lips are on yours. His hands moving from your cheeks to your waist, he brings you to sit on top of him. Your knees on both side of his thighs, his hands bring up your dress exposing your ass.

Their kisses becoming more intense, their kisses involving more tongue. You find yourself wanting more, your bringing your kisses down his neck while his hands are trying to find your zipper but you pull away and slowly slip between his knees, “Wait, let me first.”

 Your hand slowly drags down between his midriff and your hand reaches his growing bulge. Your hands start unbuttoning his jeans, you make eye contact as Tom stares at you with his puppy dog eyes. He helps you slide down his jeans so that his dick can come out.

“I’ve never wanted you more than I do now, Tommy.” Your tongue licks the precum of his dick as he lights out a slight whimper, “fuck y/n, I love you so much.” 

You begin to bob your head, taking him in you deeper and deeper each time. His dick aching in your mouth after every time you took him in, his whimpers getting louder each time, your name rolling off of his tongue as hold his dick in your mouth.

Tom fingers slide against your cheeks causing you to look up at him. He takes in your Y/E/C, you were so beautiful. How could you be so perfect for him? His moans and whimpers becoming louder as you take him in faster and faster. 

You bring one of your hands down to your pussy, and feel the wetness forming from being turned on by your man. Your fingers find your clit as you suck Tom’s cock, your rub yourself as you pull him out of you to breathe in some air.

Your hand holding his dick as your other hand is playing with your pussy, and you felt Tom’s cock pulsing getting faster as you bobbed your head. His hands intertwined with your hair as you took him in, “fuck, y/n, I’m close!” You wanted him to fuck you so bad but you were okay with making him feel this good, you wanted this.

 You take his dick out of your mouth, while you still pump his cock with your hand, “It’s okay, do it.” You bring his dick back into your mouth and bob your head at a consistent pace, and finally his hands grip the limo seats and his moan is loud, “Y/N, fuck!”

You feel his cum fill your mouth, and you swallow it. It’s almost bittersweet but you took in everything he let out. You lick his tip cleaning off the last of it, and you removed your fingers from your clit. Tom notices as he brings hand that you used to rub yourself to his mouth. 

He licks your fingers clean, “Is all that wetness for me darling?” He licks your fingers clean as you both keep eye contact. You bring your mouth to his and you both share a sloppy kiss, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Tom picks up Y/N by her waist and lays her down on the limo floor. His kisses finding her neck as his fingers linger down to her pussy. He sucks on your neck as his fingers move aside your wet panties, his fingers playing with your clit. Your arch your back as his fingers find his way inside you, pumping slowly as your moan his name, “Tommy..don’t tease me.” His fingers still moving in and out of you, “I’ll get there darling.”

He begins to slide his tongue down between your cleavage and then brings his lips to kiss your pussy. His tongue meets your lips, at first he is slow with your hands playing with his hair. 

You find yourself panting as his tongue swirls around your core, your hands moving from his hair to yours. His fingers move inside of you as his tongue still flicks your clit, you feel your high coming as Tom’s tongue and fingers speed up. “Tom, I’m gonna-”

He pulls his mouth away as his fingers move in and out of you, “Cum for me, Y/N.” You let out a loud pant, as your back arches even higher. You feel your release as your hands move up to your hair, and you moan out Tom’s name, you bite your bottom lip as you come down from your high.

 He comes up to you, licking the remaining wetness from your core off his lips, and he brings his head to rest on your neck. The sweat from your bodies sticking you both together, you move a sweaty curl that sticks to his forehead, “Tommy?” He lets out a low hum as he holds you tighter, “I love you.”

-

-

When the morning came, Tom was already gone from his bed, he had to an interview with Zendaya to promote his film. You both had fallen asleep once you got back to his flat, you both were so tired the night before that you agreed that you both would go out tonight. You reach for your phone, and see a text from Tom,

It was hard to leave bed this morning, I love you darling. I’ll see you tonight. xx

You also see another text from Manny,

I need that answer soon.

You really can’t process the message but it suddenly feels like you get butterflies in your stomach that causes you to become somewhat nauseous so got up from the bed, and ran to the restroom. While you’re in the bathroom, you hear a knock come from the door while your hands hold onto the toilet seat, “Y/N, are you alright? It’s me, Nikki.” 

As you’re on your knees, you let out a low “Come in.” She enters and immediately pulls back your hair back, “Do you want some water?” Even though you still haven’t thrown up you nod your head yes, and in that moment you remember the pregnancy test you had taken the day before. You look over to the trash that you threw the test in and see that it is empty.

When Nikki enters back in with water, you frown your eyebrows “Nikki, do you know who emptied out the trash in here?” She hands you the water, and lightly pats your back “Oh, I took it out darling. The garbage truck passed today so I threw it in with the rest of it.” 

You just nod your head, and take the cup from her, “Oh I see, it’s okay. I think I threw away my travel size shampoo but it’s okay.” Nikki lets out a light chuckle, “Don’t worry, Tom has plenty of shampoo for you to use.”

You smile as you try to forget about that test, it was pointless. You were obviously pregnant, you were here about to gag your whole life out. “Hopefully the doctor can suggest something to help with your nausea. I’ll be waiting in the car for you.” She exits the restroom and you get up and stand in front the mirror in Tom’s restroom. You’re wearing one his plain black shirt and pajama pants, the only thing you change are your pants to leggings. You keep his shirt on as you go back to the room and throw on baseball cap.

The car ride to the doctor was cool, you and Nikki talked about future work possibilities. She was actually quite supportive when you told her about the Universal deal but she understood how working with Timothee put you in an uncomfortable position.

 And then she brought up how the doctor you’re visiting delivered all of Nikki’s sons, that was kind of cool. The hospital was cold, and once you and Nikki entered the room, the ultrasound table was all set up. You both waited in the cold room for the family doctor, and as soon as he enters, your arm hairs shoot up from being so nervous.

He introduces himself and greets Nikki, claiming that he hasn’t seen her since he’s delivered Paddy. “Okay Y/N, I’m gonna have you lie down on your back, and we’ll get this ultrasound going.” You lie on your back, and lift up Tom’s shirt and reveal your bare stomach. 

The jelly that squirts out from the bottle is cold, rest your hands on your sides as the doctor moves the probe around your stomach. You study his face as he frowns, he continues to move the probe around but stops after about two minutes.”

He lets out a light sigh, and gives you a towel to wipe off the excess jelly, “I can’t detect a heartbeat… and I also don’t see a baby in the womb.” Y/N looks confused, and takes a look at Nikki and then back at the doctor, “What do you mean? I took a test and it was positive.” You sit up and continue your defense, “I’ve had the symptoms, I was nauseous this morning.” He takes a seat in front of you, “You’re more than likely experiencing a hysterical pregnancy. You probably believed you were pregnant so badly that your body started mimicking pregnancy symptoms.”

Nikki immediately grabs your hand, you gasp in disbelief and water starts to flood your eyes. You came back here because you thought you were pregnant, and now that you’re not this changed everything.

A/N: wow, I swear if I leave off on another cliffhanger, I’m gonna shoot up my Tumblr lmaoo. Anyway, I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter! WHAT IS Y/N GONNA DO? ALSO TIMOTHEE IS BEING BROUGHT UP AGAIN, IS THIS SOMETHING YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE MORE OF? Also feedback from y’all really helps me navigate the story so please flood my inbox haaha. -AMY 💛💛💛 (I don’t think I missed anyone on the tags but if I did, let me know please and if they dont work im so sorryyyyyyy.)

Taglist: @smexylemony@ladybirduris@princesssparklesxo@llamazarecoolaf@minispidey @devillinchi@superleftoveraddiction​@justapotatonow​ @peterxbarnes​ @thoughtfulbonkeggbat​@unicornio-vomita-mierdas​@standingintheclubwateronthecouch​ @omalleysreads​ @musicgirl234​

[roxashighwind]

Cassie’s Fake It ‘til You Make It Playlist

Cassie Lang knows death. She knows it in her father, in herself, in friends and grandparents, on the news, and as an inevitability of the universe. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect her, though she does her best to put on a happy face and try not to think about it too hard. 

A little background: Cassandra Eleanor Lang is the daughter of a superhero. She loves her father and takes his side even at the tender age of six: through her parents’ divorce, as he fights a bad guy in her bedroom, and in the time after when he’s trying his hardest to make amends and be a bigger part of her life. She wants to grow up to be a hero just like him, to protect people and save the world. 

She isn’t there when he dies. It hurts. She moves on, deals with it in her own way, and grows into a young woman even more determined to become a hero than before. 

That... doesn’t go well for her overall. In the beginning, maybe it’s okay, and she makes a name for herself with a group of friends. She fights and protects and takes care of small and big time bad guys. She even manages to get her father back in a strange turn of events: magic, time travel, Infinity Stones are involved. 

After she’s back, Cassie finds it harder to pretend to be normal than back when she was just dealing with her father being gone. She starts seeing a therapist to deal with the disconnect she sometimes feels. Music is brought up as a way to help handle things, to boost her mood and keep her in the moment. 

She’s got a playlist for the rough days when she remembers being dead, not existing, and trying to be a person again after she got brought back. It’s broken into four parts to fit whatever she’s feeling, and she’s got it on every device that can play music.

[My first fill for my second MCU Bingo card! Character: Cassie Lang ; Prompt: Character Death. Below is each playlist (with a link to the playlist on Spotify), broken down into the 4 parts and with relevant lyrics from each song!]

Part One: The Darker Beats

Numb - Linkin Park

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware

Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

No one will ever see / This side reflected / And if there's something wrong / Who would have guessed it? / And I have left alone / Everything that I own / To make you feel like / It's not too late / It's never too late

Dead Hearts - Stars

Oh please tell me what they looked like / Did they seem afraid of you? / They were kids that I once knew

I could say it but you wont believe me / You say you do but you don't deceive me / It's hard to know they're out there / It's hard to know that you still care

Sacrifice - Casey Williams, Jeff Williams (RWBY)

Close your eyes now time for dreams, / Death is never what it seems. / Did the things you thought you should, / All the things they said were good.

You can't have my life, / I'm not your sacrifice. / You can try, but I'm free, / And you won't conquer me.

Weight of Living, Pt. II - Bastille

Under the weight of living / You're under the weight of living / Under the weight of living / You are under the weight of living / The weight of living, the weight of living

i can’t breathe - Bea Miller

Somebody get me a hammer / Wanna break all the clocks and the mirrors / And go back to a time that was different / A time when I / Didn't feel like there was something missing / Now my body and mind are so distant / Don't know how to escape from this prison

How can I / Free my mind?

Cause I can't breathe

How can I live in the moment / When my thoughts never feel like my own and / Don't know how to admit that I'm broken

How can I / Be alright?

Titanium - Chase Holfelder

You shout it out / But I can't hear a word you say / I'm talking loud not saying much / I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet / You shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof nothing to lose / Fire away, fire away / Ricochet, you take your aim / Fire away, fire away / You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium

Lying From You - Linkin Park

When I pretend / Everything is what I want it to be / I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see

I remember what they taught to me / Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be / Remember listening to all of that and this again / So I pretended up a person who was fitting in / And now you think this person really is me and I'm / (trying to bend the truth) / But the more I push / The more I'm pulling away

Part Two: Those Melancholy Beats

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Maybe I've been here before / I know this room, I've walked this floor / I used to live alone before I knew you / I've seen your flag on the marble arch / Love is not a victory march / It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah / Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Is There Anybody Here? - The Dear Hunter

I lay my body down / To rest my weary head / I think I left Someone there; / I left myself for dead

Is there anybody here who can tell me where I am / Or at least where I have been? / Because I fear I’m lost / And I cannot be found / Again

Wait for It - Hamilton

Death doesn't discriminate / Between the sinners and the saints / It takes and it takes and it takes / And we keep living anyway / We rise and we fall / And we break / And we make our mistakes / And if there's a reason I'm still alive / When everyone who loves me has died / I'm willing to wait for it (wait for it) / I'm willing to wait for it

How Far I’ll Go - Chase Holfelder

I've been staring at the edge of the water / 'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why / I wish I could be the perfect daughter / But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try / Every turn I take, every trail I track / Every path I make, every road leads back / To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

Run fast for your mother run fast for your father / Run for your children for your sisters and brothers / Leave all your love and your longing behind you / Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

Wake Me Up - Avicii

Feeling my way through the darkness / Guided by a beating heart / I can't tell where the journey will end / But I know where to start / They tell me I'm too young to understand / They say I'm caught up in a dream / Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes / Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over / When I'm wiser and I'm older / All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

Here Comes a Thought - VGR (Steven Universe Cover)

And, oh, you're losing sight, you're losing touch / All these little things seem to matter so much / That they confuse you / That I might lose you

Take a moment, remind yourself / To take a moment and find yourself / Take a moment and ask yourself / If this is how we fall apart / But it's not

Here comes a thought that might alarm me / What someone said and how it harmed me / Something I did that failed to be charming / Things that I said are suddenly swarming

And, oh, I'm losing sight, I'm losing touch / All these little things seem to matter so much / That they confuse me

Let’s Just Live - Casey Williams, Jeff Williams (RWBY)

Let's just live! / Day by day and not be conquered by our sorrows / The past can't hold us down / We must break free / Inside we're torn apart / But time will mend our hearts / Move onward not there yet / So let's just live!

When it feels like there's nothing  / Worth living for / Everything is broken / The light's not there anymore / And the story / Takes an unexpected turn / A friend is suddenly gone / We can cry our lives away / But if they were here they'd say / Go forward you must keep moving on

Go the Distance - Roger Bart (Hercules)

I have often dreamed / Of a far of place / Where a great, warm, welcome / Will be waiting for me

Where the crowds will cheer / When they see my face / And a voice keeps saying / This is where I'm meant to be

I will find my way / I can go the distance / I'll be there someday / If I can be strong

I know every mile / Will be worth my while / I would go most anywhere / To feel like I belong

Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney

I am flesh and I am bone / Rise up, ting ting, like glitter and gold / I've got fire in my soul / Rise up, ting ting, like glitter / Like glitter and gold / Like glitter

Part Three: The Bops

I’m Good - The Mowgli’s

Trying to figure out who I am / Or who I’m supposed to be / Feel good about where I stand / So I can make the most of me-I’m

I’m good, I’m good, I’m good, I’m good / Living life just like I should / Wouldn’t change it if I could / I’m good, I’m good, I’m good

Red Balloon - Charli XCX (Home)

Ah-ooh! / If you got troubles let 'em go / Let 'em soar so high, high into the sky / Just like a red balloon

Ah-ooh! / Don't let your worries get to you / Let 'em float on by, high into the sky / Just like a red balloon

Today, I opened my eyes / And now I'm so happy and free / I've got my friends by my side / And that's all that matters to me / So, come on, get up and join in / 'Cause this is just what you need / Let's do it all day long

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya

Could wake up / And make up / And play dumb

Oh, I don't know what you've been told / But this gal right here's gonna rule the world / Yeah, that is where I'm gonna be because I wanna be / No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

I'm thinking life's too short it's passing by / So if I'm gonna go at all / Go big or go / go big or go home

Fire N Gold - Bea Miller

When you're stuck in a moment / And your spark has been stolen / This is our time to own it / So own it

Baby, we were born with / Fire & gold in our eyes, eyes / With fire & gold in our eyes, eyes / Got lightning in a bottle / Hands on the throttle / Even in the dust we shine / With fire & gold in our eyes

I Won’t Back Down - Tom Petty

Well, I won't back down / No, I won't back down / You can stand me up at the gates of hell / But I won't back down No, I'll stand my ground / Won't be turned around / And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down / Gonna stand my ground / And I won't back down

Some Nights - fun.

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? / Why don't we break the rules already?

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end / 'Cause I could use some friends for a change. / And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again / Some nights I always win, I always win...

Life in Color - OneRepublic

I do my best / To find some kind of glow / I'm givin' it some heart and soul, now / From the darkest grays / The sun bursts, clouds break / Yeah, we see that fire / From the streets of Babylon / To the road that we've been on now / The kaleidoscope claims another

Whoa oh oh oh / Well this is life in color (color) / Today feels like no other (other) / And the darkest grays / The sun bursts, clouds break

Back Home - Andy Grammer

And no matter where we go / We always find our way back home

When ties loosen / We're losing touch / And fading away / We'll still be raising our cups / To the same damn things

Sunshine Riptide - Fall Out Boy, Burna Boy

The world tried to burn all the mercy out of me / But you know I wouldn't let it / It tried to teach me the hard way / I can't forget it

What the Hell - Avril Lavigne

All my life I've been good, / But now whoa, I'm thinking what the hell / All I want is to mess around / And I don't really care about / If you love me / If you hate me / You can't save me

Part Four: The Sunshine Beats

Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be okay, be okay, be okay / I just want to be okay today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today / I just want to feel something today

Be Okay - Oh Honey

Fresh cut grass, one cold beer / Thank the Lord I am here and now, here and now / Summer dress, favorite park / Bless your soul, we are here and now, here and now

I'm wide awake, so what's the point of dreaming when your life is great? / Celebrate the feeling, celebrate the feeling / Can't complain about much these days, I believe we'll be okay

Odds Are - Barenaked Ladies

The odds are that we will probably be alright / Odds are we gonna be alright, odds are we gonna be alright tonight / The odds are that we will probably be alright / Odds are we gonna be alright, odds are we gonna be alright for another night

Fight Song - Rachel Platten

This is my fight song / Take back my life song / Prove I'm alright song / My power's turned on / Starting right now I'll be strong / I'll play my fight song / And I don't really care if nobody else believes / 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Heroes (We Could Be) - Alesso, Tove Lo

Everyday people do / Everyday things but I / Can’t be one of them / I know you hear me now / We are a different kind / We can do anything

We could be heroes

Happy - Pharrell Williams

It might seem crazy what I'm about to say / Sunshine she's here, you can take a break / I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space / With the air, like I don't care, baby, by the way

Brave - Sara Bareilles

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down / By the enemy / Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing / Bow down to the mighty / Don’t run, stop holding your tongue / Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live / Maybe one of these days you can let the light in / Show me how big your brave is

King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table / While I look outside / So many things I'd say if only I were able / But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man / We're all entitled to 'em, but I never asked / So let me thank you for your time, / And try not to waste anymore of mine / And get out of here fast

Who cares if you disagree? / You are not me / Who made you king of anything? / So you dare tell me who to be? / Who died and made you king of anything?

Begin Again - Colbie Caillat

Oh this is not the way that it should end / It's the way it should begin / It's the way it should begin, again / No, I never wanna fall apart, / Never wanna break your heart / Never wanna let you break my own / Yes, I know we've said a lot of things / That we probably didn't mean

Live it Up - Colbie Caillat

I don't know why I'm still afraid / It's not like it was yesterday / I'm the one stopping me / From all the I want to be

It's ridiculous / The stars are inconspicuous / I told myself this can't be how I think / It's irrational / It seems so supernatural / I'm happy every after all I've seen

Who Says - Selena Gomez & The Scene

I'm sure you got some things / You'd like to change about yourself / But when it comes to me / I wouldn't want to be anybody else

Who says / Who says you're not perfect / Who says you're not worth it / Who says you're the only one that's hurting

{if you’ve made it this far, thank you! ♥ if you enjoyed this, please consider throwing a coffee my way; if you do, please feel free to ask for a bit of writing or a mini playlist!}

[sweetnestor]

12 Days | Chapter 8.2

Two guys that lowkey hate each other are forced to walk in each other’s shoes in order to learn a lesson.

***in collaboration with @themarkiplierexperience

lmao soz its not actually x reader we’re just desperate for attention haaaa

previous

“I want to ask what the origin story behind this is, but I think I’m better off not knowing,” Tom typed. He attached a “selfie” wearing a bright blue shirt with the word “Wowie” printed on it in a strange fashion. Then, he sent the whole thing to Ethan.

He did see the other texts from the boy that he received the evening before, but Tom was dying to show this to him now. He finally had a look at what Ethan’s “merch” was like. To say he was not expecting “wowie” on a t-shirt was an understatement. Why “wowie”?

Halfway through editing this video, Tom kind of despised Ethan… and he definitely hated the word “Wowie” with a burning passion. It wasn’t all bad, though. Tom had spent the day with a funny pair of people: Parker and Andrew. He didn’t have to consciously act like Ethan to get along with the pair. They were so graciously weird that seeing their friend act out of character was considered normal for them… if that made any sense. The three of them, along with Amy, made a video together that was about this awful blue t-shirt. A promotional video, and instead of having a whole filming crew complete with camera men and editors, it was all self made. It was impressive, don’t get him wrong, but Tom only thrived when he was on camera, not behind the scenes.

It was a minute and a half long video, yet it was taking ages for him to put it all together. Not to mention, Tom was awaiting an update from Ethan about Zendaya. Earlier, he had said that she wanted to talk, and god knows what that was supposed to mean. On top of that, Bella was getting a little harder to handle.

Tom had invited her to come along to shoot the video, but she had gotten immensely sheepish and timid when she heard about the people who would be joining them. She made an excuse about having emails to answer and business Skype meetings to have. She only returned to his apartment after hearing that Parker, Andrew, and Amy had left for the day, and even then she just stayed in the living room while Tom finished the video. Weird, but whatever.

A few hours later, Tom could say he was proud of what he had created. The video was very sarcastic, and kind of funny, but it got the message across: “Buy this ugly ass shirt.” Really, he didn’t see the appeal, but Ethan’s fans sure did. The shirt had been on sale on Ethan’s merch store all month, and as of today, there were only ten days left to buy it. Tom learned all of this through Parker, who had a hand in running the store. Thank god he wasn’t left in completely in the dark.

Thing is, Tom easily learned about different aspects of this kid’s life. He knew the girlfriend, a good amount of the friends, and just enough about his personality to get by. The hard part was the YouTube stuff, because everyone around him assumed that he knew what he was doing. They all assumed he was Ethan. How bizarre would it be if Ethan just suddenly asked for help on the basics of editing a simple video? How long would it be for someone to figure that this wasn’t Ethan, that it was somebody else? What would they do, besides throw him in an asylum?

A knock on the bedroom door snapped Tom out of his thoughts. He pulled off his headphones and granted access.

Bella came in, an unreadable expression on her face. “Hey…”

“Hi, love,” Tom greeted, turning in his chair to face her.

She stepped in, looking around the room as she tangled her fingers together. “I don’t mean to interrupt you, I’m just…” She sighed. “This is really stupid, like really stupid…”

“Oh, how bad could it be?” he asked, putting on a kind smile, despite how nervous the sudden tension made him.

Bella picked at her nails to fill the silence. But she finally asked in a soft voice, “why didn’t you ask me to be in your video?”

Honestly, Tom had been hoping she had that conversation with her real boyfriend. Even he found it weird that the “talking to women” bit from the video starred Amy. Why not Bella? It probably wasn’t something to fuss about, but the girl’s nerves radiated for miles, it made Tom himself feel like he had done something wrong. He didn’t even know how to respond.

“I mean, you and Parker came up with the video idea like what? Two weeks ago,” she rambled, “and you guys came up with the ‘talking to girls’ thing and your first thought was Amy? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I-I mean she did come up with the shirt design…”

Ah, so that was the culprit.

“I-It’s not that I wanted to slap you - uh, fake slap you for a video,” Bella went on, her voice getting shaky, “i-it’s just you didn’t think to ask me, I don’t know. Am I freaking out over nothing?”

“You freak out over everything,” Tom said without thinking. There was a small pause before he turned back to the computer.

“I know, it’s what I do,” Bella said, not seeming offended by that statement. “It probably wasn’t a big deal. I shouldn’t have bothered you, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Any other thoughts, concerns?” It was half sarcastic, but she took the bait.

“I’ve been… having dreams…”

Ethan was supposed to know that tone, what that particular phrase meant. Tom, on the other hand, was clueless.

“Naughty dreams?”

“No.” Bella’s tone was serious now. She paced around the small recording space, still picking at her nails. “Bad dreams. I’ve had dreams like this before… Ethan, please don’t make me say it.”

It had been five days since the switch, five days of being this girl’s boyfriend, and Tom was getting more and more impatient.

“Don’t talk about it then,” he said with a shrug. “If it’s really that scary, or disturbing, or whatever it is... then you don’t need to speak of it.”

Again, it was silent. Tom definitely said the wrong thing, but he didn’t know how to handle a girl with anxiety. He could barely handle Zendaya, even though he hoped to fix things with her.

“You’re probably right,” Bella spoke at last. She turned on her heel towards the door. “No one wants to remember that time, especially me.” She stopped at the doorway and looked back at him. “Oh, and I just figured out why I was freaking out over Amy. It’s been almost a year since Mark left me for her.”

Whoa. What would Ethan say to that? What would Ethan think about his girlfriend mentioning her ex?

Speaking of the ex, Tom’s phone dinged on his desk. Mark had texted him. Admittedly, Tom wasn’t really texting anyone consistently apart from Ethan. He had also ignored Mark’s texts from the other day, so there was a chance he wasn’t on good terms with the boss.

“Hey look man, I don’t know what’s going on with you lately, but I need an answer. Are you going to be returning to work anytime soon? Or do we need to make a public statement that you don’t work for me anymore? I’m not trying to put pressure on you, or anything with malice. I just need to know what’s going on business wise.”

Public statement? So the fans knew Mark had editors? And there had to be something said publicly when something changed behind the scenes? Is that how YouTube works?

“I think my girlfriend is hung up on you, you’re the last person I need to see right now,” Tom typed for literally no other reason except to see if it sounded like something his other half would say. He chuckled to himself after deeming that it was too ridiculous and out of line and went to delete it…

You know when you mean to do one thing but instead do another? Yeah, Tom somehow mixed up the ‘send’ key and the ‘backspace’ key, and well…

“Fuck!” he snapped, sitting up in his chair, watching as the angry text sent. “No, no, no, no! Shit!”

Oh god, Ethan was so fired.

~

Tom didn’t have the heart to tell Ethan about the wonderful conversation he had with Mark following that text. He read through the messages he received while he was editing over and over again just to avoid telling him what went down. Ethan seemed excited to be in Montreal.

“So guess I have a workout tomorrow morning? Wish me luck bc I’ll actually die.” That’ll be fun to hear about, but it didn’t settle the knot in Tom’s stomach.

“I’m almost ok with the switch if it means getting to stay in this house dude it’s so nice?? I’m never leaving.” Tom was not okay with the switch. He wanted to be in that house right now, leave Ethan with the mess that he made.

“I finished the wowie video. I hate the word wowie. Please never say it again,” he typed and sent before reading the rest of the texts. He noticed that Ethan will either be completely silent, or send multiple texts at once. No in between.

“Also,,,,, fuck kinda friendship you got with Harrison? You give each other lap dances???” Ethan asked. Oh no. Oh god. “Not judging, just wish I’d known you were rejecting zendaya for ur best m8 lolol.”

Tom literally groaned out loud and palmed his forehead. Then, he frantically sent, “IT WASNOTHING WE DONT SPEAK OF IT SHUT UP.” No way he was getting into that with this guy. He wouldn’t understand.

The next message didn’t help very much. “Speaking of Daya, we talked today. She asked abot how you feel and what you thought you 2 had going on. Made it clear it was her choice what happened, but that you’re just friends? Idk man how DO you feel?”

“Anyway, the videos were good. Much better than Tyler’s first edits for sure. Good job, I’m impressed.”

“Shooting starts tomorrow so I’m off to learn everything there is to know about acting…….. By watching some movie wiht the guys, gn.”

Tom sat there for a few minutes, trying to word any of the thoughts in his head. Why couldn’t have Ethan made the Zendaya decision for him? He seems like a nice guy, he’s had a girlfriend for six months, and she didn’t seem tired of him!

“I’ll deal with her when we switch back… by the way when are we gonna switch back??? Anyway, have a good night mate, have a pint for me!”

_____

tag list: @beardedsteveslut @marie-is-in-the-dark @ohsnapitzmoony

_____

next

[ninaahelvar]

We Were Staying In Paris (2/2)

Summary: Wolfgang and Kala get Paris. They get more than that then they realise.

Chapter: 2/2

AO3 (part 1 on tumblr)

A/N: lol it’s like 3am, and i just finished this and I can’t believe it took me this long to get it finished. I hope you like it. (also, just tagging in case you miss it; @our-connection-is-a-miracle @sunbakkoush and @timisaliar)

Days passed, and the tension of BPO around the corner was climbing down - not close anymore. Some days they would just sit and have conversations, talk until the moon overtook the sun. Other days, they would have heated skin against heated skin, moments filled with the purest sensation of bliss.

Kala tugged on her shirt, rising from the bed after not finding Wolfgang at her side. Assuming he was off making breakfast again, she smiled, tucking back hair that always fell on her face. Shuffling to the little kitchen out of the corner of the living room, kala found the kitchen bare and untouched. Brow furrowing, Kala bound her hands in the bottom of her shirt before walking back into the living room. “Wolfgang?” she called out. There was no response. Kala hurried off to the bathroom, anywhere that he could possibly be hiding. “Wolfgang!” she called out a little desperately this time. Still nothing. She was about to hurry off to the bedroom to change when the front door opened. Kala froze, worried it was Rajan or BPO. She couldn’t move. Not until she the dusty blond hair of the man she loved. “Wolfgang!” she exclaimed, hurrying over to him.

“Woah,” Wolfgang chuckled slightly, placing down bags in his hands. Kala rushed into his arms, holding her as she shook slightly. “Calm down, mein schatzi, I just went to get some eggs,” he said, kissing the top of her head. She moved off from his hold, pushing against his chest and crossing her arms in defiance.

“Don’t do that to me again, I was scared,” she grumbled, not wanting to look up at him. Wolfgang’s hand reached down, stroking up and down her arm, cautiously stepping into her.

“When I left you were fast asleep,” he said in a soft voice. Kala stepped back again, pushing a finger into his chest to try and keep him at bay. She needed to stay mad for just a minute.

“You should have left a note. Or made me go. Or something else! You could have been seen,” she huffed, looking up from the floor to see Wolfgang’s shoulders relax, a small smile appearing across his lips as his hand guided up her cheek.

“I’ll try not to make a habit of worrying you,” he said, just before stealing a kiss. Kala couldn’t help but let the anger of the moment go. She softened at his touch, her toes nudging at the floor, Wolfgang tugging her closer for another kiss.

“I doubt you’ll succeed,” Kala quipped and Wolfgang stopped, looking down at her. His lips curled at one side, his smirk became mischievous with every passing second.

“Oh, now you’ve done it,” he chuckled, picking Kala up to her surprise and holding her up against the wall. He laced kisses all over her; lips, neck, jaw - anywhere he could get his lips. It took some reasoning, but Wolfgang let Kala down so they could put away the groceries. But, after everything was put away, Wolfgang took Kala up onto the kitchen counter. She giggled as he kissed her with sweet and rough kisses, the giggles turning to moans and her legs pulling Wolfgang in closer. It wasn’t long until Wolfgang was stripping out of his shirt and buckling his pants, their tempered kisses turning into sweat-laced skin and pleasure that they could never fully comprehend.

Then, life oddly became a party with the rest of the cluster coming to visit. They stayed in, music tearing up the apartment and late night movie binges with the clust, everyone piled on the couch and floor - a makeshift area for them all to relax and be content for a few hours. They managed to get through three movies before the cluster started breaking apart with with their lives to catch up on.

Wolfgang had dozed off in the fifth movie, not quite enjoying the romance that Kala wanted to watch. As Kala decided it was time to go to bed, Lito dropped in, somewhat in a daze, waking up with Hernando. Lito interrupted his morning just so he could smirk to Kala with a plan written in his eyes. He went to their bedroom, talking all the while and coming back with nail polish in hand. Now, Kala wasn’t the mischievous sort - she rarely ever played pranks on Daya - but right now, Kala wanted to behave badly.

They managed to stay together for a few minutes, painting Wolfgang’s nails and toenails, gossiping briefly about Lito’s new job and how excited he was. He was also - finally - telling Hernando and Dani about the cluster. He was worried and needed to visit someone; might as well have some fun whilst talking it out. Kala gave some comforting words as they waited for the nail polish to dry.

“I must go, my sister,” Lito whispered, Wolfgang stirring in his comfortable spot on the couch.

“Have a good day, Lito,” she whispered, kissing Lito’s cheek before he was gone.  Kala sheepishly tugged on Wolfgang’s arm, getting him to sit upright. “Wolfgang, we should go to bed,”

“Hm, bed,” he hummed and Kala chuckled, helping him up to lean on her hip.

“No, just sleep,” she said and he grumbled. They stumbled to the bedroom, falling over each other trying to find the bed. Falling on it, Kala was practically crushed by Wolfgang, who was far more tired than Kala was. She adjusted them, and Wolfgang wrapped his arms around her, a tight hold on her body.

“Sorry,” he smacked his lips, finding comfort in her chest once more. Kala pulled the sheets over their bodies, carefully keeping them both in place.

“Shh, let’s just go to sleep,” she hummed and kissed at his forehead. She dozed off, happy with her life that had belonged to her for only a few weeks. How perfect only a few weeks could be to make up for months of uncertainty and naive feelings.

In the night, they had separated to their own sides of the bed, nearly truly straying more than a fingertip away; Wolfgang’s presence was always right beside her, she could always tell the distance.

Waking, Kala found Wolfgang’s eyes on her, his smile waiting for hers. When she let her lips rise, his grin was wide and it quickly swept in, stealing a kiss from her lips. Wolfgang’s hand cupped her face, thumb stroking the curve of her cheek. Kala purred, her palm covering his, just trying to keep the electric sensation of his touch on her skin for as long as possible. No matter how many times they touched, in every way possible, a single moment their skin met, it was like magic at a fingertip’s edge.

“Kala?” Wolfgang started.

“Hm?” she hummed back.

“Do you know who painted my nails?” he asked and Kala sprung up, a chuckling Wolfgang rising at her side.

“Well, I did,” she bit her lip nervously. “But Lito visited and helped,”

Wolfgang admired his nails for a moment before shrugging it off. “At least it's black.”

“You're not mad?” she asked, her brow furrowing.

“Why would I be mad?” he asked, hand playing with her hair.

“Because I painted your nails while you were asleep,” Kala bit at her lip again, Wolfgang’s hand sliding down to bring her into his hold, as though he couldn't bear the small distance between them.

“You could never make me mad,” Wolfgang smiled. Kala sighed, a breath of relief escaping her as she pulled herself into Wolfgang’s arm, her body laid next to his chest.

“It’s different,”

“What?” he asked.

“Everything,” she chuckled, tucking hair out of her face. Wolfgang pushed it back further, hand resting on her jaw. “Everything about us. About my life. About being happy. It’s all different,” she explained and Wolfgang returned a grateful smile - knowing the feeling entirely.

The day went on with a lazy attitude to things; they didn’t do a proper lovely breakfast, they didn’t properly get changed, they sat around in each other’s arm or on the couch just reading and talking about life. It felt comfortable and natural, like they didn’t have to strive for perfection because it already was. As the day went on, they had a few visits, Will and Wolfgang talking about safety as Kala and Riley spoke privately. It was just quiet conversation on how the other was feeling. It was quick and a mutual understanding was underpinned in their words - they were in love and they were happy; they didn’t need to say anymore.

Later on, Kala found Wolfgang on their bed, sitting up and watching TV. He was watching one of the singing contests when Kala walked in. He shut it off as Kala hopped on the bed, her legs barely covered by Wolfgang’s oversized shirt. She chewed at her lip, contemplating something before Wolfgang reached out, his hand laying on her hip. Kala moved his hand away, his brow crinkling.

“I want to try something,” she reassured him.

“What is it?” he asked, trying to sit up straighter. Kala pushed on his chest, making him lie back slightly.

“Sit there,” she whispered. Taking in a large breath, letting it out, Kala started to bound up the ends of her shirt in her hand.

“Kala, you don’t -”

“I’m being sexy here and you need to enjoy it,” she protested and Wolfgang smiled, leaning back once more.

“Done,” he replied.

Kala watched as Wolfgang let his eyes linger on her thighs, his hands at either side of him, impatient but waiting nonetheless. Slowly, and with a tremble in her fingertips, she moved her shirt upwards, watching Wolfgang carefully as the shirt came off completely, thrown to the side of the bed. Wolfgang’s eyes, hungry and lustful, staying on her but his hands clenched with eager demand.

There was a chill that run up Kala’s spine, utterly bare and naked in front of the man she loved. She had been somewhat naked with Wolfgang over their course in Paris, yet this moment, of stillness and eyes lingering for one more glimpse - it was far more intimate than any of the previous days had ever been. Kala bit at her lip, batting her eyelashes before Wolfgang reached out to her. Taking his hand, she moved up onto his lap, his hands laying on her hips.

Wolfgang took down his boxers, having Kala remain on his lap. There was always part of Kala was wasn’t sure about sex, that knew she was inexperienced and didn’t know as much as Wolfgang did; which made what she wanted so much harder. “What’s wrong?” he asked, the obvious thoughts seeping into his mind too.

“I want to take the reins, but I don’t know how,” she replied weakly. Without so much as a warning, Wolfgang took Kala’s hand, guiding it up and down his shaft, the friction aiding in the hardening of his length.

“I’m all yours,” he nodded, his breathing a little hitched. Wolfgang’s hand guided hers, his head falling back slightly as he made her hand go faster. Kala stilled to a slower pace, and he hissed as Kala’s thumb ran over the tip.

“Slow,” she whispered, leaning up and having confidence surge through her. Her inexperience didn’t limit her desires, making Wolfgang’s tip run over her heated core, stealing a desperate kiss from Wolfgang’s lips. Their lips never parted when Kala let herself sit back down on Wolfgang’s lap, his moan vibrating through her lips. He filled her in the most intimate way, the pleasure of their bodies was almost overwhelming. Wolfgang laid a hand on Kala’s hip, helping in the softs rocks she performed on his lap.  

Her hands gripped into his shoulders, using him as a leverage point as to ride him better. Kala expected Wolfgang to lead after a while, let himself stew in desire until it all boiled over. Instead, Wolfgang laid gentle hands on her, guiding her slightly to perfect a rhythm on his cock. Her pace was slow, making sure they both became impatient before the other fell apart. Circling her hips, just to add a little more friction, she found that Wolfgang enjoyed himself yet was ultimately frustrated with the change in their dynamic. He bit softly into her chest, his hips involuntarily thrusting up into her; he wanted to take charge, but not wanting to stray Kala from her task.

Running her hand up his neck as she moved up on him, her other hand moved his from her hip back to her ass, slipping it over the curve of her flesh. Hand gripping hard into her skin, before his grip loosened to make way for the hard slap he inflicted. Kala hissed at the impact, her back arching as the wave of it rippled through her. “Shit,” she heard Wolfgang mumble against her skin and he completely still. “I’m sor -” he tried as Kala interrupted his words with a kiss. It was a learning experience, but one where she discovered she liked the way it felt - his hand so demanding on her body, yet so forgiving with the way his body encouraged her pleasure.

The pleasure her body was feeling, it started in her stomach, the anticipation and impatient way it crashed waves through her body. Wolfgang was now letting his body react naturally to hers, his hips meeting hers and having her throw her head back. Wolfgang brought himself up further, holding onto Kala, thrusting up into her with every motion she tried to give. He knew she was giving over to her pleasures, unable to hold back what she felt from him a moment longer. A hand rested back onto Wolfgang’s thigh as Kala rocked against Wolfgang’s thrusts. Before she could fully brace for the oncoming orgasm, it was already filling her body; pins and needles in her fingers and goosebumps prickling over ther smooth skin.

“Ah! Mein schatzi, let go for me,” Wolfgang moaned, his mouth trailing sloppy kisses over her neck and chest. Kala felt her leg shaking, the tremble that echoed over her body was forcing her to slump against Wolfgang, not quite done but her body was unable to continue in the position it was. Wolfgang picked up on it quickly, turning them around and laying Kala on the bed, his thrusts eager but soft, helping her ride out her orgasm before tempting her with another.

Kala locked her legs around Wolfgang’s waist, tugging him into her with every thrust and feeling it deeper than she thought she had before. Wolfgang laid kisses all over Kala, her own littered across his shoulder and nails in his back. He held her close as his mouth trailed down her chest, tongue tracing over her nipple and letting his teeth catch around it, just to tease her. Kala arched her back, her legs tightening and bringing Wolfgang in for a harder thrust.

“Wolf -, Oh, Wolfgang,” Kala murmured between heated breaths. She knew she was shaking slightly, not out of fear or uncertainty; she was experiencing a pleasure that was unlike anything she could have ever dreamed of. Wolfgang’s pleasure was mixed with her own, her body meeting hers and being hers and everything in between. Their bodies fit together and moved well against each other to create the perfect meeting of two souls. She craved for her climax to come, and she could feel Wolfgang begging for it himself.

He pushed himself into erratic thrusts, his hands either gripping hard into her hip to meet her circling hips, or gripping hard enough into the bedsheets to tear them from the bed completely. Kala was torn between kissing Wolfgang with all the passion she had left and screaming his name. It alternated between the two. As Kala’s chest heaved, Wolfgang moaned and groaned into her neck, their climaxes not far off, and their bodies craving the last bit of friction that would get them over the line.

It took little time for Kala to be clawing at the bed and Wolfgang’s back, his hands binding into the bedsheets and Kala’s hair. Their orgasms rippled over each other, an ecstasy that tore into them and left them breathless. Wolfgang rolled to Kala’s side, both glancing at each other as they were both covered in sweat. Kala’s smile grew before it turned into a joyous laugh, to which Wolfgang joined in on. It was just happiness that radiated through the air, their love and happiness so intoxicating even after everything, that they couldn’t help but giggle amongst themselves. Wolfgang tugged Kala into his chest, having their legs tangle.

They laid in bed for a few hours, not doing much else but watching TV and talking about things that they hadn’t discussed before. Wolfgang talked about his mother and Kala talked about her family; they talked about school and the adventures they used to perform. Wolfgang seemed proud of himself when he talked about lock-picking a bully’s locker and putting spiders inside, until Kala confessed to almost burning off her eyebrows due to an explosion gone wrong in her little back garden.

As the night drew in, and fatigue wouldn’t grip them, they just touched each other, memorising the way their hands felt against each other and how their skin felt on edge whenever their touch was absent - forever craving the next time skin would touch skin. Wolfgang was underneath the covers, his lips trailing down her hip as Kala laid on her side, flicking through channels.

“I left a mark,” Wolfgang’s voice was muffled under the duvet, his hand delicately rounding her ass.

“Hm?” Kala hummed.

“Right here,” he said just before her teeth nipped at the sensitive area.

“Stop it!” she giggled, as Wolfgang nipped at her skin again. As Kala sighed, Wolfgang’s kisses returning, she saw an unexpected visitor. “Will?!” she squeaked, bringing up the blankets further on her chest, even though she was fairly covered beforehand. Wolfgang emerged from underneath the covers and Will, looked up to the ceiling, realising what he had walked in on.

“Knock, next time, would you?” Wolfgang huffed, leaning back next to Kala.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise you guys would be…” he said, suddenly clearing his throat. “yeah.” Will’s hand landed on his hips, not fully able to look at their of them. Wolfgang rolled his eyes to Kala, who smiled to him.

“What is it?” Wolfgang shrugged, kissing Kala’s shoulder. Will scratched the back of his head before sighing, a small smile appearing on his lips.

“Nomi says that BPO seems to be less alert and more sensates are coming out now, less afraid. We think you can come out of hiding,” he explained. Kala bit her lip, smiling back to Will, reaching out for his hand. He walked over slowly.

“That’s great news. Thank you, Will,” she said as he leaned down, kissing her cheek.

“Sorry for interrupting,” he whispered and she laughed.

“See you soon,” she whispered back, his visit short, but worth it. As Kala looked back at Wolfgang, he gave a large grin, because he knew that Kala’s plans for Paris could now fully get underway.

The next day, Kala and Wolfgang got dressed in their best casual clothes, the day full and packed with places to go and things to see. They started out by the Eiffel tower, marvelling at it in the morning light. But it wasn’t why Kala remembered it so well; it was the first time and place that Wolfgang held her hand. It was strange, she never held someone’s hand and felt like she belonged there, utterly comfortable with them at her side and everyone knowing. Kala held tighter to Wolfgang’s side even as they went to the Arc de Triomphe, to the Louvre, and their final destination for the day, Notre Dame Cathedral. Though neither of them were Catholic, in the slightest, Kala wanted to see the church for its architecture.

They walked in with their group, standing next to each other as the tour guide walked them around. Eventually, when the tour ended, they were able to go see the rest of the cathedral on their own, just looking at all the different windows that breathed colouring life into the old church. Kala turned to Wolfgang for a moment.

“This is a very beautiful church,” she whispered.

“I’ve never liked churches. But this is nice,” he replied in the same small voice.

“Wouldn’t you want to get married in a church like this?” she asked, the red rushing over her cheeks the moment she realised what she said. Wolfgang smiled, a grin that was held just for her. He only nodded in response, tucking Kala under his arm and kissing her crown. They left the church, the sun leaving a streak of pink and blue transfixing a purple across the sky; the perfect end for a perfect day.

Wolfgang suddenly stopped them, his brow furrowing as he looked around. “You know, we missed Musee d’Orsay, right?”

Kala’s mouth dropped open. “And you’re telling me as the sun sets? What kind of boyfriend are you?” she exclaimed.

“Awful,” he replied, cracking a smile. “We’ll spend the entire day there tomorrow.”

“Really?” she said gleefully, biting at her lip. “Are you sure?” Wolfgang nodded his reply.

“Wouldn’t want to go anywhere else,” he said as Kala rose on her toes and stole a kiss from his lips.

Back at the apartment, Kala collapsed down on the couch, Wolfgang falling on top of her as their tiredness was catching up with them. They barely moved for a few moments before Wolfgang rose, climbing up and over Kala, his face hovering near hers, nose touching nose. “I never thought I could be this happy,” he whispered, his voice almost scared to say it in case the universe may hear him. Kala held that voice for herself, and only her. “I love you so much, Kala,” he said, jaw tightening as he waited for her to reply.

“I love you too,” she whispered back, just as a bright and intoxicating smile took over Wolfgang’s face, leaning down and taking a kiss he so sorely needed. Love in Paris; who knew, right?

[stoffelees]

Deserving of Acceptance: Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Title: Going for a Ride

Rating: Teen and Up

Chapter Warnings: None

Word Count: 1868

Summary: Cars are not for the faint of soul and Sans gets a couch to crash on.

<Previous   First   Next> Read on Ao3

Daya had spent the remainder of her shift just watching the skeleton hunched in the corner playing on his phone and thinking about how little she really knew. She had only just learned what his home life was like, what else had she been ignorant to? It never occurred to her how monsters were different, she just knew they were. People spoke of their violent nature and tended to steer clear of them rather than learn. Sans had been the only monster to open up to her. Sure, she had asked him all sorts of questions, but had she really learned anything about their culture?

Her co-worker, an older woman, arrived right on time to take over for the evening. It was only three in the afternoon and thankfully her six-hour shift was all she had planned to do today, she had a feeling giving Sans a place to stay was going to be a handful. The woman chuckled when she spotted the monster, having long since passed the point of being surprised to see him when Daya was on shift.

Signaling Sans to follow her, Daya kept her good-bye short this time and waved to her co-worker before setting out to her vehicle behind the shop. His silence was worrisome but nothing she hadn’t dealt with before. However, the shocked look on his face when she unlocked her car door was new. The skeleton had frozen in place and the lights in his eyes were gone, giving him quite the eerie look.

“Sans? Have you ever been in a car before?” concern laced her voice.

The white points in his sockets returned and drifted to her before focusing on the car again. “no...”

Making her way back over to him she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Alright, well we can do this, don’t worry. We can take it one step at a time, and it’s a short trip back to my apartment.” Eye lights flicked back to her as she opened the passenger side door for him. The monster slid in without issue and she closed the door before settling into the driver’s side. Turning the key brought the engine to life and inadvertently also resulted in a flash of color from her friend. She could see the ring of red and yellow flaring in his left eye.

“It’s okay Sans, just roll down the window, maybe some fresh air will help you calm down?”

His skull slowly turned toward her and his white pupils returned before raising a brow bone. “i’m sorry, what?”

“The little button on the side of the door, if you push it the window goes down and if you pull it up the window goes back up.” Her hand gestured to the single button on his door as opposed to the several on her own.

“and the rolling part is involved where?” Already his phalanges were toying with the button, causing the window to repeatedly move up and down.

“Oh, that’s just an old saying. You used to have to hand crank the windows to open or close them.”

“so why wouldn’t you say ‘crank’ the window?” That familiar grin was returning.

“Come to think of it, I don’t really know.”

“alright, i guess i can roll with it.” That was it, that was why he was grinning. Daya put her face in her hands and groaned. At least he didn’t seem as worried as before.

Driving as slow as she could without attracting the ire of fellow drivers, she tried to focus on not having any kind of accident. The last thing she wanted was to have Sans swear off motor vehicles because of her.

About half way through the trip and all had been going well until Sans found the radio. Presently the CD player was mocking her, sticking out an old mix she had made in high school like some silly tongue and then sucking it back in before she could snatch it and stow it away. He had already scanned through all the local stations twice, not stopping more than a few seconds on each one. The level of output and direction of the air conditioner and defrost had been sufficiently altered. But as long as he was okay she wasn’t going to let it bother her. That is until she started feeling really warm.

“Oh my god Sans! Did you turn on the seat warmer?!”

“i don’t know, is that what the button over here is?” Bony hand directing near her seatbelt buckle.

“Yes!” She let a fit of giggles escape, “it’s the middle of summer! You use those in winter to stay warm.” The only response she got was a shrug. “Wait, can you feel cold and warmth? I mean, you’re always wearing that jacket even in the heat.”

He let out a guffaw, “yeah, I can feel temperature changes. don’t really bother me though.”

The car pulled into a parking lot shadowed by a plain brick building. “We’re here!” She was probably more excited than she should have been. Part of that was due to being done with Sans’ antics in the car, but additionally she hoped her positivity would keep Sans’ negativity at bay. Daya got out and locked her car as Sans followed closely behind.

“you sure you want your neighbors seeing a monster come to your place?” He was glancing over his shoulder, taking in their surroundings. Knowing him, he was probably keeping an eye out for danger.

“Everyone keeps to themselves here. I’ve never had a problem with any of my neighbors. Besides, I’m not ashamed. I invited a friend over and it shouldn’t matter if they’re monster or human.”

“heh, yea, you keep telling yourself that dollface.” His shoulders came up and his skull seemed to sink into his jacket.

Climbing the first flight of stairs, Sans was beginning to drag behind as they were halfway up the second flight. “geez, what floor do you live on? i’m not exactly an athlete.”

“I’m on the third floor. Come on, it’s not that bad, and maybe the exercise would be good for you.”

“you sound like my bro.” There was no malice in his words, but they caused her to pause. Just the thought of being compared to the violent skeleton made her queasy.

Finishing the trip up, she fidgeted with her keys while he caught up. He was audibly huffing and puffing, but to his credit he didn’t make any other comments about the climb. Unlocking the door, she pushed it open and entered. Keys and purse were set down on their end table home and she turned to check on Sans.

The monster was standing in the doorway staring at the living room. “Well, come on in. You’re letting the cold air out. I’m not going to pay to cool off the whole neighborhood, silly.” He startled slightly and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

Daya’s apartment was small but adequate. It was a simple one bedroom, one bathroom, galley kitchen and sitting area. The tile extended out enough for a small table and pair of chairs to be placed next to the kitchen, and the living room was simple enough. A couch facing a television and some small knick-knacks and paintings decorated the area. The room radiated of warm reds and soft golds. But with an easy glance, one could tell her pride and joy was her book collection. A large bookshelf practically engulfed the wall behind the couch that divided the sitting area and the bedroom.

She smiled as he drifted in the direction of her books. “You’re more than welcome to read any of these. I have a pretty varied collection. All sorts of stories from fantasy to historical fiction.”

“i bet humans have gotten real good at that ‘historical fiction’ part.” She could sense a slight bite in what he said; it was a bit sobering.

Looking down at her shoes she felt her voice come out quieter than usual, “Were you there? When humans locked monsters underground?”

The skeleton turned back to face her before deciding the couch was a better option and flopped down. “naw. that was over 400 years ago, i’m only 28. my... pops was.”

Joining him on the couch, her curiosity was getting the better of her. “I’ve never heard you talk about your parents before. What were they like?”

Hunched in on himself, he always looked so small when he did that, and his hands were fidgeting as he spoke. “i don’t really like talking about him. let’s just say the boss was supposed to be his protégé and i was the mistake. he died when i was young so i took care of paps the best i could.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.”

“don’t be. he was an asshole.”

The previously crestfallen look on her face was replaced with surprise, but she wasn’t going to push the subject. “So he was over 400 years old when he died? How long can monsters live?”

Sans laughed, “i just got here and you’re ready to grill me?”

“I’m sorry; I can go make an early dinner or something if you need time to yourself?” She always felt bad when she asked too many questions. Her father had taught her to ask everything that came to mind, but she had to tone it down a bit around others.

“naw, stay.” He sighed before continuing, “different kinds of monsters can live for different amounts. a moldsmal usually only lasts a few years. boss monsters, like king asgore, well they actually don’t age unless they have a child. so they theoretically could live forever i guess. me? i don’t actually know. sure my pops was a few centuries, but who knows if that was normal. i’ve never known any other skeleton monsters. my bro and i are the last i assume.”

“Wow, functionally extinct.” She started to lose herself in thought.

“what’d you call me? i’m still mostly functional, i just like to sleep a lot.” A puzzled look swept across his features.

She could only laugh, “No, it means when a species only has a few individuals left and they can’t viably breed. That makes them functionally extinct rather than just extinct.”

“right...”

“Okay, dinner. Do you have a particular taste for anything?” Steering away from the awkward pause as best as she could, she got up and headed for the kitchen.

“whatever you make is fine. shit, you don’t have to feed me. i’m fine for a few days.” Already he was sprawled across the couch and staring at the blank T.V.

“I am not going to let you starve!” How long could he go without food and still be okay? Why would he even consider it?

A grunt of acknowledgment was all she got.

By the time she was done preparing a simple meal of mac ‘n cheese she could hear soft snores coming from the couch. Perhaps it would be better to let him sleep through the night. Storing the meal for later she did her best to creep off to her own room and quietly shut the door. Tomorrow was a new day.

<Previous   First   Next>

[madsrocketship]

Mad’s Top Ten Worst and Best of 2016

Late, but I did it. If you need a refresher, these were my lists for 2011-2015 (X). 

Rules: I only rank songs that end up on the end of the year Hot 100 so there are always better and worse songs absent but them’s the rules. Also, I never repeat songs from one year to another because having someone like Adele two years in a row is just unfair.

Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016

           10) Jumpman by Drake and Future

There’s not much to say about this song other than it sounds like garbled mush-mouth speak. It seems like everyone is trying to either sound like Drake and Future in the mainstream hip-hop crossover into pop music scene and I find most of it pretty boring and sleep inducing. It’s fine white noise when I’m in the car but nothing I would want to listen to out at a club or anything. Future’s incoherentness coupled with Drake’s moody, whiny mono-tone does nothing for me.

           9) One Call Away by Charlie Puth

He was boring last year and he’s still boring and will probably always be boring. Superman doesn’t have anything on him but that only works in the Zach Snyder world for Superman.

           8) Work by Rihanna ft Drake

As much as I love Rihanna as a person, I find most of her music to register as a 6 out of 10. This song is no different although more repetitive and more annoying than normal. Also, if anyone can’t tell already I do not like Drake.

           7) 7 Years by Lukas Graham

I think this one bugs me more than it should since the Grammy nominations were announced. I don’t get it. It just feels like a humble brag of a song. The crowd cheering in the middle of the song which is supposed to be all about your human frailty? Do I sound horrible because the song is about his deceased father? Maybe but the song is still boring and more than a little douchey.

           6) Same Old Love by Selena Gomez

I have no idea why Selena Gomez is even a pop star. She doesn’t seem to enjoy it, she’s a pretty shaky singer on a good day, and it seems to take its toll on her. This song was written by Charlie XCX otherwise known as the good version of Selena Gomez and if the song was anywhere near good she would have kept it for herself.

           5) Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers ft Daya

I really thought the Chainsmokers would be this one weird internet nostalgia I would get older and reminisce about my last semester of college. “Selfie” would be the crappy version of “Gangam Style” and would be the hallmark song of 2014 we all laughed at in hindsight. However, The Chainsmokers owned 2016 and this song was an unfortunate consequence. The song reminds me of a car alarm, the lyrics are vacuous, and Daya lacks all personality or presence.

           4) Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez

Basically, it sounds like a shampoo commercial (which it is!) and Selena trying to be sexy is still confusing to me because she looks and sounds like she’s still 16. Everything mentioned earlier still applies.

           3) Pillow Talk by Zayn

In most instances, a song about the art of love making is supposed to sound like and reflect some sense of the physical act. This song sounds nothing like that. It’s lyrics are angry and violent and yet in no way seem to describe some sort of angsty relationship that would explain the anger. The beat is somehow slow and exhausting and yet thuds like a brick dropped on the ground repeatedly. Zayn’s lack of personality also does nothing for this song.

           2) I Hate U, I Love U by Gnash ft Olivia O’Brien

In a year of boring white rappers, this song made me miss Macklemore. Honestly though, the lyrics make no sense. Olivia seems to be singing about a former flame being in love with another woman and the guy also seems to be angry at a former lover but did these two used to be together? Are they both singing about the same woman? Or are they both singing about similar but unrelated experiences? Basically he sounds like a douche talking about an ex still in love with him and him being the best. Ugh.

           1) Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes

I honestly do not understand why people thought we needed another young male popstar from Canada. Bieber is still around isn’t he? I was not at all impressed with “Stiches” last year but I figured he would be a one-hit wonder due to his bland mediocrity and his sounding like he’s always straining to hit most notes. But it looks like ladies and gentlemen we are going to be subjected to another white guy with an acoustic guitar and this one is even going to bring back the “nice guy” card that I though we all collectively decided to leave behind once we crossed out of the 2000s into the 2010s. I know some people view it as a song about helping a woman escape an abusive relationship and that’s good for you. Art is supposed to have multiple interpretations and if it legitimately helps someone that’s fantastic. I just happen to have too much experience that it comes across to me like a guy whining about being in the friend zone and how I’d be better off with him when I have no interest. Also anyone tell me he doesn’t sound god awful screaming “better than he can” repeatedly sounding more distorted and nonsensical each time. But if there was one way to summarize mediocre white men dominating 2016 and trying to seem like the victims it felt like this song.

Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2016

         10) Roses by The Chainsmokers ft Rozes

So as much as I bashed on The Chainsmokers in my Worst Of list, I gave them a spot here and I hate myself a little for it. Closer eventually made me want to gash my eyes out from having to hear it so much but Roses has a solid beat and a specific build that works incredibly well. Also, Rozes works in all the ways Daya doesn’t.  

           9) Cake by the Ocean by DNCE

The song doesn’t have much to it and it’s only notable that Joe Jonas finally got back in the public eye since the end of the Jonas Brothers and his brother becoming more famous than him. And while the song isn’t anything too impressive, it’s funny and easy and I enjoy it. Even if the sex metaphor isn’t the greatest because sex on the beach sounds more fun than I imagine it would practically work out with sand getting in places it shouldn’t be.

            8) This is What You Came For by Calvin Harris ft Rihanna

So maybe I love this song mostly because of the drama and shit show it started, but I stand by it being a good song on its own. And despite the controversy, what makes this song good has nothing to do with Taylor Swift’s lyrics or Rihanna’s vocals, it is all Calvin Harris. Those composition of those distorted “oos” that we found out were both Rihanna and Taylor’s and his decision to start them at a high pitch and then go low (completely backwards in the rules of pop music) are what make the song so catchy. And considering this and “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place”, I’d say Rihanna and Calvin need to make a lot more music together.

            7) Cheap Thrills by Sia ft Sean Paul

While this song was originally written for Rihanna by Sia, I’m glad she ended up with it herself. Otherwise it would just be another Rihanna song with the Caribbean beat and even Sean Paul. I think Sia is a better vocalist so I’m also happy she kept it in that respect. I’ve heard this song a billion times and it hasn’t gotten old yet which is what you want a pop song to do.

            6) Starboy by The Weekend ft Daft Punk

The lyrics kind of make no sense but add Daft Punk’s groove to anything and it sounds like a masterpiece. Enough said.

           5) Here by Alessia Cara

             As a huge Lorde fan, I was not looking forward to the copy cats that the music industry would spit out to try and replicate the success of “Royals.” However, Alessia Cara is the one I think has the best potential to be something more than Lorde 2.0 and here is easily the most relateable song of 2016. The song exemplifies everything I feel when I go to a club or a massive house party (even though I’m an extrovert and not “an antisocial mess” like Alessia here). The desire for actual thoughtful conversation and to listen to music you actually like than the Top 40 playlist the host went with is something even after college you can still relate to. Alessia has a very solid flow and a terrific voice that I’m excited to see what she does in the future. 

           4) When We Were Young by Adele

Don’t get me wrong, I love Adele. But “25” originally was a bit of a let down for me because I felt it was too much of a retread of “21.” I know Adele can write and perform a breakup song better than 99.999999% of the artists out there and wanted more. That’s why “Send My Love” annoyed me when it became the follow up to the terrific but still retread “Hello.” But I’ve come to realize that while “21” is the breakup album “25” is the moving on album and “When We Were Young” is the final conclusion and acceptance. Obviously, Adele’s vocals are better than anything you’ll hear. She’s like a 5-star restaurant, even the worst thing on the menu will send you into a food orgasm.

           3) Sorry by Beyonce

I have a confession to make, I used to kind of think Beyonce was a bit overrated. I always like Beyonce and her music but I never got the intense love and some of her fans rubbed me the wrong way. With the release of “Lemonade” I can say that’s no longer the case. All hail the queen! This change was mostly as a result of finally feeling like I could hear Beyonce through her music and in the public eye no song made that more apparent than “Sorry.” The song that caused all the controversy (well at least with the non-conservative faux police outrage controversy) about if it was biographical and who Becky with the good hair was. On a masterpiece of an album, “Sorry” does not disappoint.

           2) I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Seeb Remix) by Mike Posner

There is no song that sums up 2016 better than this song. I’ve been seeing a lot of people questioning its Grammy nominations and I don’t understand that. The lyrics to the song are heart wrenching and thought provoking about depression as a consequence of failed brief fame. The line about “showing Avicii I was cool” is just one of many personal digs Posner takes at himself. And considering his douchetastic debut with “Cooler Than Me”, I believe it. The original version of this song is acoustic and his doucheyness comes through so this is a case of good lyrics being added with good production from Seeb coming in with that remix create the genius. The depressing lyrics with the club beat reflect self-deprecation pretending to fain happiness. Couldn’t be closer to 2016.

 Honorable Mentions:

Normally I don’t do these but I have two this year that need to recognized. “Formation” was the best song of 2016 and my stupid rules about only ranking songs on the year end Hot 100 made me leave this out. It’s political, it pissed off conservatives enough their surrogates quoted it to discredit Hillary Clinton, and it’s the first time I ever felt I was finally hearing Beyonce in her music and I understood who she is. And the next honorable mention might have something to say about Beyonce not winning. Kanye West’s “Famous” is a shit song. But the shit show it unleashed was glorious and considering this years Grammy commercial and someone else’s album to come, I’d say the cultural impact of this song ain’t over yet. And onto number one.

1)    Into You by Ariana Grande 

As I mentioned earlier, while I’ve thought Ariana was a great vocalist, I’ve never gotten into songs of hers that don’t feature other artists. It’s why I’ve felt the Mariah comparison was not quite there yet, she doesn’t have the songs (or honestly the annunciation technique). But what sticks out about Ariana as a singer in the female pop area is her acting background that I think punches through in her music compared to her contemporaries. I’m glad I was able to finally find a song of hers I love. She’s too good a vocalist to not. She deserves to be a superstar in pop and I hope she’s around for the long haul. 

[stoffelees]

Deserving of Acceptance: Chapter Five

Chapter Title: Daya

Rating: Teen and Up

Chapter Warnings: Mild Language, Mentions of Suicide (Implied)

Word Count: 2026

Summary: Sans deals with his two least favorite kinds of people: cheerful humans and angry monsters.

<Previous   First   Next> Read on Ao3

This was twice in as many days Sans found himself at the little shop on the corner. Walking around the outside of the building he peered into one of the grimy windows in an attempt to see who might already be inside. He caught a glimpse of what looked to be another monster but couldn’t get a good look. Feeling his anxiety reducing just a fraction at the lack of human shoppers he prepared himself to enter by taking in a deep breath and slowly exhaling.

He raised his left hand and pushed the door, his right hand nervously fidgeting in his pocket. Opening the door as quietly as possible, he scanned the inside of the shop only to hear a bell chime as he entered. It felt like his soul caught in his throat and he paused just to calm himself again. His pupils shot to the other monster in the store, but his presence hadn’t been noticed.

However it did look like the aisle he needed was blocked by the dragon-like monster. Sans let out a soft growl; he was not in the mood for a confrontation. Even though this monster was about the same stature as himself, he was in no place to risk finding out if he was stronger. He’d just have to kill some time until the monster got bored and moved to another part of the store or left.

Turning away, he decided to distract himself in the small section dedicated to food and snacks. Quite a few of the packages were familiar to him; they were of the more durable variety and could be found in the Underground’s dump. Somehow the river that ran on Mt. Ebott flowed into the underground and would often carry a variety of garbage from the overworld. Monsters frequented the dump, digging through to find various prizes of their own. Food wasn’t common, and rarely did it make it to the dump intact. But every so often a durable bag of peanuts or a well-sealed box of cereal would arrive and be whisked away to enjoy.

The monsters had a reliable source of food underground. They had their own ways of foraging and even some farms to feed the masses. But what the monsters had learned to consume to survive was so different to the variety the humans had created. Variety, it was just one of the many things they had lacked underground now that he could see how much there was to experience on the surface. And yet the humans themselves seemed to lack that variety. They all came in the same shape, only a few different colors and always the same orientation of bipedal. What could possibly be worth learning about such a basic creature?

He blinked and snapped himself from that thought. Zoning out was dangerous, especially in public. Looking back over the shelf he noticed a familiar container. He laughed to himself as he picked up a box of noodles from the shelf. Isn’t this what Alphys usually ate? Peering at the contents he let out a muffled gag. Why would anyone consume that much sodium? It would explain why she is so salty. He snickered and returned the noodles to their place.

Peeking over the shelf the coast was finally clear. He shuffled over to the hardware section and his pupils skimmed over each shelf like reading a book: hammers, screwdrivers, wrenches, nails, bolts, washers, PVC, nothing here pertaining to electricity and definitely no light bulbs. He let out a low groan only to be cut off by yelling. Seriously, was it a holiday he was unaware of where everyone just shouts at everything? That’s every day for Papyrus, but Sans was used to it from him.

Moving from his cover to get a better look he could see the green dragon gesturing animatedly and pointing at the human behind the counter. As Sans got closer he could pick up snippets of the argument, if one could call it that. The monster was doing all the yelling while the human stood there timidly and just took it.

Eye sockets narrowing he took stock of the situation. This human was not the same one from yesterday. This one was female and clearly younger than the male he had met. She currently had one arm across her chest, the hand clinging to her other arm as it hung loosely at her side. Her eyes were fixed on the floor, a look of fear clearly painted on her face. He was familiar with that posture, it was one he had adopted in recent years when his brother would chastise him.

Closing his eyes he tried to shut out the noise, willing it away in his mind. Instead it started to bend and twist, the pitch becoming higher. He could hear his brother telling him how useless he was, how worthless he’d become. The voice warped again, becoming lower, almost a whisper. It hissed at him, saying how he would never amount to a thing, not with the way he was.

With a sharp inhale Sans’ eye sockets flew open, hands clawing at his skull. His mind returned to him, he was here in the shop, above ground. Gaze returning to the scene before him it was clear the human’s eyes had become misted. Her voice chimed in, a slight tremble easily noticeable.

“I promise sir, we haven’t changed any of our prices.” She bit her lip and her eyes squeezed shut as if in preparation for the upcoming onslaught of words.

“You are lying and you know it! All you humans are the same, exploiting our situation for your own profit and amusement!” A clawed fist slammed down on the counter, displacing various items from their homes.

“Please sir; I don’t understand why you’re so angry. These have always been the prices and they’re the same as other stores humans buy from.”

Dragging his phalanges down his face it was clear he had to make a choice. On the one hand, the shop didn’t have what he needed; there was no reason for him to stay. Monsters didn’t meddle in the affairs of others. This wasn’t his problem. On the other hand, it would be smart of him to not return empty handed, and he was no shoplifter.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, balling them into fists. Giving a sharp huff he moved out from the aisle and toward the dragon monster. Everything in his head screamed not to get involved; monsters didn’t get involved in the Underground. “hey pal, the human is just here to sell you shit, she doesn’t run the place.”

In a green blur the dragon whirled around, tail lashing in obvious anger. “What’s it to you skeleton?”

“it’s nothing to me actually, you’re just in my way.” Sans allowed his grin to widen, taking his pupils off the monster before him like he was bored already. He might seem weak, but he could bluff with the best of them.

Sharp eyes narrowed and a single flame-shaped bullet was summoned, left hovering in the claw of the owner. “Then do something about it.” The dragon revealed a razor-sharp maw as he smiled.

Damn, was this guy really going to call his bluff? He quickly looked at the human; she was hiding her face behind her hands clearly afraid of witnessing the scene. Eyelights resting on the bullet he took a moment to think. He couldn’t trash this place, and who is to say he could even win this? He couldn’t read the stats on this monster without starting a confrontation and if he did start then he’d be committed to finish, and monster fights rarely ended without someone getting dusted. Then there was the fact that Asgore had commanded no unauthorized dusting, and Sans was certainly not authorized. Guess he had to play the ace up his sleeve, he hated using this card.

“why should i do something about it? i mean, i can just leave right now and inform my brother you stood in the way of his orders. i’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hunt you down himself. waiting until you think you’re safe. you’d be dust on the ground before you even knew he was there.”

The dragon’s cat-like pupils narrowed to slits as he considered the skeleton’s words; a small plume of smoke exiting his nostrils as he gave a huff. Turning to regard the human a final time, he quickly spun back around and gave a mock-lunge toward Sans before exiting the shop.

Sans quickly went on the defensive, left eye lighting up and summoning a bone-shaped bullet of his own before he realized the dragon was departing. Facing the still cowering human he dismissed the small white bone as eye sockets faded to black before his white eye lights returned. She was clearly still shaken up from the whole exchange, but he could see her slowly starting to relax.

“Thank you.” It was the most timid whisper, barely audible.

“don’t thank me dollface, i didn’t do it for you. i don’t like humans as much as the next monster.” He rolled his eye lights feigning boredom.

“Then why do it in the first place?” She seemed to be growing calmer, enough to allow her curiosity to surface it seemed.

His pupils darted back to her and she reflexively tensed in response. “what did you say?”

“I...I asked why you did it in the first place. If you had nothing to gain you could have just waited until the other monster left. But you stepped in instead. Why?”

“listen,” he glanced at the nametag hanging at the end of the lanyard around her neck. “daya... monsters don’t care about each other, and we care for humans even less.” Snatching a package of batteries and flinging them on the counter he glared at the human. “just ring me up for these.”

Picking up the batteries she carefully scanned them, accepting his payment and returning his change. He tried to let a look of indifference settle on his features before taking the bag from her and turning to retreat.

“I hope to see you again soon.”

He let out a grunt in response and pulled the door to leave.

Feeling the sun on his bones as he emerged outside he sighed, trying to release all the anxiety that had built up within his soul. This day was really shaping up to be a handful. He shoved his purchase in his pocket and buried his hand in the space left over. Unconsciously he began walking back, his feet going in one direction while his mind drifted in another.

What would he have done if that monster hadn’t backed down? Sure there’s no way anyone who couldn’t handle Papyrus on their own would dare take out Sans, but what if he had? Would Papyrus even care? Shit, would he even care? He’d contemplated ending it himself numerous times before; let someone have the EXP at least.

He looked up to see he was back at the fence already. Glancing over to the guard shack it was clear the human was asleep; must be near the end of his shift. Sans summoned his magic once more and continued toward the house now that he was back in the neighborhood.

The sun was beginning to set, and the view was enough to make something deep in his soul stir. He found himself watching the sunset rather frequently, but couldn’t pin down the reason why. Was he trying to make up for all the sunsets he’d missed? Heh, if that’s so then it’s one of the most pathetic reasons he could think of.

Drawing out his house keys he was startled to find the door was already unlocked. Slowly pushing the door open he braced himself for the worst but found everything just as he left it. If that were the case, then Papyrus must be home early and Sans was not ready to face him. Setting the batteries down just inside he pulled the door shut. Guess it was time to venture out again.

“welp. i’m going to grillby’s.”

<Previous   First   Next>